#idk if there is a point in drawing disjointed scenes
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Some Miguel and Gabriella doodles form last month :) I just hadn't had the motivation to turn them into proper drawings.
But the bottom two actually are part of my headcanons:
So starting with the happy one as in the one on the right:
I headcanon that Miguel actually ended in Gabriella's universe on accident and the multiversal travel didn't exist yet (to be more precise it was invented to look for Gabriella's father because Miguel didn't know that he was dead and just assumed they like switched places or something) and he explained the whole situation to Gabriella rightaway (because there is no way to be able to fit into another dude's life without a hitch even with I was bonked in the head recently excuse).
Gabriella was skeptical but decided to approach whole situation sitcom style. Dad was replaced by awkward but caring dude with superpowers - let's help him but also try the new boundaries. So she approached with hey dad runs twice a week and I ride the bike with him. I can show you our favorite route! And then proceeded to extend the route muuuuuch beyond what was humanly possible for her dad. And then beyond what was possible for her just out of curiosity if Miguel will ask to stop. Well he didn't so now after long ice cream break he needs to carry her home because she totally absolutely is beat and cannot cycle anymore (and also this way is more fun).
And the second separate depressing au headcanon that is not as tied to the picture but I guess I'll share it here:
While the Gabriella's universe was falling apart all the spiders there just grabbed as many civilians as possible and jumped through the portals. So Gabriella and couple dozen displaced people are alive at spiders hq and things are maybe better but also worse.
Since Gabriella is alive Miguel can't go sulk in the corner in his office. He needs to put on a front for her. Which most likely doubles the pressure that he already puts on himself.
Gabriella isn't an idiot and figures it out so she also tries to put on a front.
But to add a little spider whimsy and make the whole thing a bit happier - here comes Gwen.
Miguel was just as grumpy about letting her join spider society as was in the movie buuuuut Gabriela decided that Gwen being the slightly older girl with a little bit of alternative vibe is the coolest person ever and we will be best friends. And you are a ballerina!!!! I want to try ballet too!
Which in turn forced Miguel to be nice like to other Gabriella's friends and maybe be a bit more mindful and realize that Gwen needs more than place to stay and new friends and coworkers. She is too young to just jump into adulthood. She needs her father or better father figure.
And he tries to dump that on Peter B which doesn't work because Peter suffers form serious case of baby brain but also sees Gwen more like a equal adult and friend.
Besides the idea of Miguel trying to be nice and failing at because he approaches it form his experience with Gabriella standpoint while dealing with teenager is kinda fun and I like it.
#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse#miguel o'hara#gabriella o’hara#spiderman#spiderman 2099#spiderman 99#long headcanon below the cut#actually i have them even longer with specific scenes in mind#but like i can't write a fic to save my life#so disjointed doodles and random text tidbits is all :<#maybe i should try to do a longer comic#a bit outside of my comfort zone#and outside of my i need to do it quickly or i wont finish it at all zone#ehhh#idk if there is a point in drawing disjointed scenes#it would be hard for anyone to give a damn#and discouragement circle would obliterate me
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idk how other people's dreams are like but mine are always in disjointed plot points that. if i tried to explain every one we'd be here a while or done of them would be completely unintelligible. not that i could remember them all anyways. sometimes they transition smoothly between each other but other times it's like a hard cut, or someone has just stuck the next segment on the previous segment like they're turning up the opacity on a layer. random bits of audio or visual effects will just HAPPEN sometimes. a person will just randomly change to a different person and then back to the first person like you were swapping a character model. it makes it really hard to describe things when sometimes it's just a MESS of information.
there are are also plenty of cases where i will know bits of lore in the dream or will percieve things outside of what i SHOULD see giving me a meta understanding of what is occurring, what tropes are associated with my dream, etc. there's a lot of times where i KNOW im in a dream. and it can vary from being aware but suspending my disbelief for the dream, being aware but viewing my body from the outside, being aware and being unable to control myself despite wanting to, and the worst of all being aware of my dream and having enough control where i can walk up to people and tell them im trying to get out of a dream.
in the last scenario it's really tricky because most of the time people will act like npcs who do not respond to me, they might shrug and ignore me because they think im bonkers, they might listen to me but not quite understand, and very few times will they understand PERFECTLY what the situation is but they can't help me get out. cause the dream is not waiting for a plot point to end, it's running on a timer.
bring on a time is frustrating because sections of a dream might be artificially extended by slowing it down or just repeating segments to draw it out until it ends. this makes it incredibly shitty trying to escape a dream. i might get caught in an important scene where two characters are talking but they won't STOP talking and I'm looking around the room trying to figure out how to get out. it also means that dreams can at many points end in a completely dissatisfying way where plot points aren't resolved and when i try to go back asleep, the story doesn't pick back up again!! it jumps to something else!!! frustrating.
but that's the end of my long rant. tldr; my dreams are weird as hell.
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TL;DR, Era goes on a disjointed rant about their childhood, can't remember whether they read The Hindenburg or Who Destroyed the Hindenburg? as a child, and is generally struggling with life.
A post yesterday made me think a bit about my childhood and I discovered that an early core memory has been corrupted. (I cannot be sure of a book I read that was very important to me, because two very similar books exist which both partially match what remains of the memory) The discrepancy was discovered when I tried to look up an image of the book's cover, only to get no results that matched my memory under the title I expected.
As I started jumping back and forth between paragraphs, my writing was getting further from the original thread's topic by the second, so I cut the wall of text response I'd written and rb'd the post without comment. But it was still in my clipboard, and I have the urge the share, or preserve, or generally talk about this. Myself.
This just reminded me of one of my formative childhood memories. Allowing children access to reading materials is so important. Having access to reading materials that fit my actual ability and interests, instead of what others considered appropriate for my age, was such a big deal. For good or ill, my mother never restricted the reading materials I had access to. But other adults alternated between calling me "gifted" and calling me out for not staying in step with my peers.
I was in the 3rd grade (about 1997) when I read a hardcover book I remember as "The Hindenburg". Checked out from the "high school" section at my public school's library, which was primarily nonfiction and reference books, with no more resistance from the school librarian than an "Are you sure?". It's been over 20 years and my memory is far from infallible. I cannot at this time verify WHAT BOOK I read. Research suggests it was either The Hindenburg by Michael M. Mooney, which has the title I remember but I can't find a cover that matched my memory, or Who Destroyed the Hindenburg? by A. A. Hoehling, the 1962 first edition of which had a cover in greyscale with orange text, which matches my memory of the colours but not the title or layout. Neither book is available in a digital format, or I'd probably read them both tonight to find out which one I it was.
What I do remember is a scene where a character walks on a catwalk or other part of the airship's frame (vague), that the destruction of the ship was presented as an act of sabotage (reviews say that both authors present the tragedy as the act of Erich Spehl), and that there were untranslated German words formatted in italics from which 3rd grade monolingual me was able to draw the conclusion that the unfamiliar words presented differently from the rest of the English text about a German airship must be German. Again, without access to either book, I can't be sure which it was.
At that point, I was getting distressed and needed to step away, didn't want it to be part of the discussion that spawned it, but also I'd spent time on it and couldn't discard it.
Extra context or something, idk my brain is getting mad: I am (almost definitely) autistic. More specifically, "I honestly do think there is an ASD component to what you are reporting." but also "you are not a label or a disorder" and some other waffly-looking language about why he didn't want to give me a diagnosis.
I was a precocious reader. Possibly hyperlexic, but barely spoke at all until after I started school and nobody bothered to look into that. "Shy". "Extremely Cautious". Prone to meltdowns. Difficulty recognising appropriate conduct. Learned "8 Eastern, 5 Pacific" when I was 5 to know when my program (The Moxy Show on Cartoon Network) would be on, and I still use it to remember the time difference. Didn't learn how to brush my own hair until I was 12. Toe walking until bursitis made it too painful in my 30s. "Galloping" gait. "Clumsy". Lots of GI issues as a kid resulting in missed school, then as an adult missing work. Chafing at rigidly imposed schedules but needing regularity. Struggling with open-ended tasks and questions, hating being given a task without being given clear instructions/expectations.
Rocking, tapping, keening, humming, sucking on my teeth, skin picking, self-harm.
Reading so much I got detention for it.
READING SO MUCH I GOT DETENTION FOR IT.
Not being deterred at all by detentions, since it gave me something I wanted (quiet).
"Reading at a high-school level" in elementary school, being decent at maths, either coasting through or absolutely sucking at everything else. Mimicking behaviours of other kids to deal with social situations into my teens (like saying I liked a particular boy when asked because I'd seen that answer was "safe" when girls gave it) until I didn't.
(I got interested in alternative subcultures somehow, maybe it started online? And when I was standing out already for how I dressed and what my interests were, I cared a little less about "fitting in" and only resulted to it when I couldn't come up with an answer. Significant examples include saying I was attracted to men I already knew were considered conventionally attractive AND had some adjacent interest in, like musicians I listened to. Turned out I had no idea what peers even meant when saying someone was attractive because I'm asexual and had never experienced it. )
Not recognising in the moment anything but the most blatant of bullying, well into adulthood.
In school, they tried at least once to advance me up a class (would have made their lives easier to be able to shift a kid from my so big it had to be split in two for our elementary years and produced the largest graduating class of my district's history class into a less-full one) but I refused because I would be separated from the only kids I knew.
((Why was I even consulted? Guess my mom liked letting me make my own decisions about some things, she let me refuse a fucking surgery as a child but I wasn't allowed to get a haircut until I moved out))
Somebody thought I might be talented with languages, but it turns out I'm probably just really good at learning to read them if they use the Latin alphabet, because I can read most Spanish I've ever encountered and a fair bit of German and can't construct a useful sentence in either.
Speech difficulties and disfluencies got WORSE in adulthood, I think.
This has turned into a huge disjointed mess. Maybe I'll stop by the school this week and ask if the library still has it while asking if they still have any records on me for my psychologist.
#era talks#era ends up talking about themself#mental health#Childhood#The Hindenburg#Michael M. Mooney#Who Destroyed the Hindenburg?#A. A. Hoehling#Childhood literacy#i was a weird kid#wall of text
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So we're having a s7/s8 breakdown on this fine Saturday? Good. May I interest you in theese thoughts (this whole ask might include some wild speculation, I hope you're up for it, if no, please ignore and I will crawl back to my basement, also this got SO LONG I AM ALMOST ASHAMED, but I need to exchange thoughts with someone agsfsdghf):
Amelia was the original blurry wife for Sam. I remember at the time s8 was airing the fandom wasn't really fond of her because she wasn't very special as a character, she felt kind of boring (obviously the wincest/bibro side hated her for different reasons lol) and unfortunately she was very forgettable. She was literally Just Some Woman, a blank canvas. (idk if you agree but this is what I think). But. I think she was set up to be Sam's endgame if season 8 was the last one. He gets what he wanted - out of the hunter's life, white picket fence, a wife and a dog. And it was confirmed somewhere that she was written off due to the hate she received (spn fandom being spn fadom I am leaving this without comment). So that is why I believe she was gonna be the Blurry Wife of season 8, but she was written off....
....."But hey!", you might say, "Sam was the one doing the trials in season 8! So how can she be his endgame if he was going to lock up Hell and die?". I have an answer! Sam doesn't start the trials until 8x14, four episodes after he broke up with Amelia and chose Dean in 8x10. Up until then it was agreed that Dean was going to be the one to do the trials, it was changed last minute in the show (when Sam ends up killing the hellhound in 8x14) and part of me wonders how much it might reflect the last minute change in real life. counterpoint: spn got a renewal on February 11th 2013 and 8x14 was shot November 30th - December 11th 2012 so renewal is not the case, maybe just a general change of direction for the season? idk, BUT......
.... but maybe? now I am thinking. So they make Sam break up with Amelia to get rid of her and so he can do the trials. and he is going to die. so basically once again Sam is going to die in the finale as a sacrifice (like in Swan Song) (oh I just remembered 8x23 was titled Sacrifice. NICE). And now back to Dean and everything romantic that happened that I mentioned in those tags. Let's say they keep the 'I love you' in 8x17 (I am still writing all of this under the assumption that season 8 was going to be the last one). And Cas disappears. And now guess what. He is not in 8x18. He is not in 8x19 but you know who is? NAOMI with this epic line: "And yet you haven't warded this place against us. I know. You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way. I know you don't want to believe it, Dean, but we're on the same side – shutting the Gates of Hell, bringing Castiel in from the cold. Take a moment. Think about what I've said." literally WHAAAAT, what were we supposed to think at this point?!?!? IF THE 'I LOVE YOU' was kept in 8x17?! can you imagine?! (also sidenote: 8x19 is a buckleming episode where they kill off Benny. epic highs and lows, etc.)
So they aren't reunited until 8x22 (i mean last seconds of 8x21 but it doesn't really matter). And Dean is angry, and hurt and we have this piece of dialogue:
CASTIEL: Dean, I can go with you.
A FEW SECONDS PASS BEFORE SPEAKING AGAIN
Dean. I'm sorry.
DEAN: For what?
CASTIEL: For everything.
DEAN" Everything? Like, uh... Like ignoring us?
CASTIEL: Yes.
DEAN: Or like bolting off with the Angel Tablet, then losing it 'cause you didn't trust me? You didn't trust me.
CASTIEL: Yes.
DEAN: Yeah. Nah, that's not gonna cut it. Not this time. So you can take your little apology and you cram it up your ass.
CASTIEL: Dean, I thought I was doing the right thing.
DEAN: Yeah, you always do.
still with me? ok. so then Cas is sad and wants to apologize and goes out to buy Dean beer and pie but Metatron finds him and they go on their little quest together. blah blah blah, Sam and Dean catch Crowley, they are in the church, Sam in beginning the ritual on Crowley when wild Cas appears and asks Dean for help because... he needs a Cupid's Bow for Metatron to lock up Heaven. and he asks for Dean's help. I mean at this moment I think everyone would have gotten the HINT. Dean leaves Sam with Crowley to do the trial by himself (he chooses to go with Cas this is important because the last time he saw Cas he was angry at him).
And then we have that infamous bar scene where Dean might still be hurt but now he is afraid of losing Cas AGAIN due to Heaven about to be locked up and he is like "ummm are you sure? you're -- you're boarding up Heaven, and you're locking the door behind you. you did a lot of damage up there, aren't you afraid the angels might kill you?" and Cas is like stone cold "yeah they might and I am sure about doing this" :( and then they witness as two dudes fall in love in the bar. hint hint again.
quick cut to Crowley who says: "Don't we all -- you, me -- we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved". hint hint Love is a whole theme of this episode
AND THEN Castiel's grace ends up being the last ingredient to cast out all angels from Heaven after a nephilim and cupid's bow. And it's brushed off with a no-homo line by Metatron: "I want you to live this new life to the fullest. Find a wife. Make babies." SURE. oh to get my hands on the original first drafts of those episodes... a girl can dream.
in conclusion I wonder what the ending would be here. Dean and Cas eventually reunite and finally talk it out? one can argue: "but why Cas didn't confess back when they were having their moment in the bar? :/" well, because, as he tells us himself, (actually he says it to Kevin prior to he bar scene, but it's easy to understand that he is also talking about himself here): "There is no out. Only duty. You are a Prophet of the Lord, always and forever... ...until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place. Now, are you clear as to the task before you? Then do it, and let's go." (now don't think about this line and Dean's quiet: "Are you sure? Aren't you afraid?" in the bar and Castiel's "Yeah I'm sure")
so then they finally reunite, both human and they find each other and Cas is like "My grace was the special last spell ingredient because ..................." and they would address the Crypt Scene confession finally, I guess. They arrive at the Church and Sam is dead (according to what we know now (if a soul was in hell it will always end up in hell thing) maybe he went to hell. maybe it's locked up but he is the one in charge Rowena-style?). So of course Dean is a wreck but he has Cas by his side. Holding hands as they bury Sam. I don't know but I want to know SO BADLY what they had originally planned here. I would literally willingly sell my kidney to read Carver's mind.
I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR THIS ASK I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD ILY <3333333333333
okay I have NO CLUE what they meant to do or the validity of the assumptions, but this is SO interesting and I agree with all your analysis of canon, except I also don't think that Cas like. understood at all or ever thought Dean's "I love you" meant what Dean did at this point xnkslfkdkdkskd so I see your draw to him specifying duty given his probable suicide rather than stay with Dean like he wants.
I also do wonder what they were doing with Sam in s8 it's very disjointed and out of character, so your guesses are VERY interesting. Amelia like made no sense Sam made no sense or the way Sam treated Benny (which I think was set up for Sam decided to choose hunting with Dean over her and Dean about Benny, so I don't know if she was meant to be endgame ever? but I have nooo clue what they could have meant for because the plot is all over the place in s8). anyways INTERESTING. I love all your thoughts thanks for sending this ask 💞💞
#and like to be clear I do view canon destiel VERY similarly to you. you get it.#incest mention#spn#supernatural#destiel#sam Winchester#samelia#s8#sammy#dean winchester#castiel#cas#amelia richardson#amelia#incoherents#ask
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Ten Sides (Part 12)
Not sure how I feel about this chapter tbh. I think that I’ve reached a point where I actually don’t know what to do with this fic. Like I have several scenes in mind but I’m not sure how to get there without a bunch of chapters about aimless wandering, I feel like it would get a bit redundant so apologies if the time skip is jarring or lackluster. I usually don’t struggle with show don’t tell but idk; feel free to offer opinions on whether or not the pacing is weird.
She stares for the longest time, he isn’t sure why she is so surprised. But her face, a rather priceless expression upon it, is the absolute picture of delighted shock. It certainly isn’t blue but her fire is alive. Alive and glowing around her hands and feet as she lands one final kata. Or so he thinks. She takes a deep inhale, deeper than the last few and she takes a stance. A much tighter one. She closes her eyes and holds her hands level with her belly button. He knows what she is going to do. Her stomach rises and falls with every breath and he is certain that she is focusing on each one. On that steady rise and fall of her chest and stomach. And then she makes her move; the gestures are wide and sweeping and at first there are only a few weak sparks. She pushes forward in spite of it.
And then it comes, a line of lightning. Two lines of them, one for each hand. She brings them together and thrusts them forward.
He is certain that she hadn’t anticipated success; she jerks at the sudden roll of thunder. At the cracking of wood. She opens her eyes and sees it as well as he; a rather large and splintered tree branch. Both severed ends still smolder hotly. A jagged black line snakes up and down the bark.
He thinks that she might be crying, at least a little.
He almost hugs her but thinks better of it.
“See, all you had to do was stop thinking about it so much. Zuko said that you were a natural when you first started. You’re a natural with resuming too.”
She holds her hands in front of her face and flexes them, steam still rolls off of her palms. “I’m still going to need to get back in shape.” Her voice isn’t as laced with emotion as he thought that it would be.
“You seem fine to me.”
“I’m drained, Avatar.” She sighs. And perhaps that is it, she is too fatigued to be overly thrilled. “This used to be effortless but I’m sore and…” He takes notice of the slightest panting. “I’m not used to moving so much.”
“I’m sure that you’ll catch up quickly, we’ve got a lot of hiking to do and we can keep up a bending routine on the way…” he cuts himself off. “Sorry I forgot to ask if that was okay with you.”
“It’s a fine plan. I used to practice bending first thing when I woke up. I’d like to resume that.”
He has to agree that it would probably be good for her to get back into at least a few old and familiar routines. He watches her make her way to their campfire, lay down, and curl herself up. He’ll let her rest for a while while he extinguishes the flames. He supposes that they still have a decent amount of daylight. But really, what is the rush? Sangyul and his team have likely relocated the minute they resigned to that they wouldn’t be finding he and Azula anytime soon. As far as he is concerned, the two of them have all the time in the world to get her comfortable and confident again.
.oOo.
Sometimes, he lays closer to her. When her nightmares are particularly awful--so much so that they bleed into her waking moments--when he thinks that she is still asleep or not entirely lucid. He keeps his distance although he is close enough for it to mean something.
Her hand is cupped over his. She strokes the back of his hand with her thumb and gives a soft purr.
“Azula.”
Her name as it rolls off of his tongue...it’s like windchimes in a gust.
She lifts his hand and rubs it against her cheek. The boy looks over his shoulder. Over his shoulder at the doctor. She supposes that the man is quite the looker himself when he isn’t trying to make a case study of her.
“Avatar.” She says there is a certain huskiness to her voice, some low reverberation that brings color to his cheeks. All the better, the boy is adorable when he is flustered.
And in waking, she is flustered. Beyond flustered, really. She is humiliated, disgusted. And thankful that he had done everything he could to snub her advances. On those nights she wanders to the other end of the clearing and sleeps there. On those mornings to follow, he asks her what he did wrong.
On those mornings she never answers.
He lets her firebend alone.
She comes back at the end of those days, worn far past her limits. Bone tired and ready to collapse. So she works herself harder, until she does collapse and he has to drag her limp body back to the campsite.
She doesn’t dream when she is that exhausted...at the very least, she doesn’t remember what she has dreamed. What miserably memory chooses to surface.
She stands in front of the mirror and she isn’t sure if she is looking at herself. Something is off. She can’t place it but there is something. She narrows her eyes and tries to scrutinize herself in as much detail as she possibly can. And yet she isn’t sure what is different. She touches her face, runs her fingers through her hair, traces the frame of her body; she feels the same.
But something is wrong.
She knows that something is wrong.
She looks like her, but she knows that she is not her.
Another face appears in the mirror, it comes to cover her own. It bears resemblance to her. The sort of resemblance only family can have. And when she touches her cheek, she touches her father’s cheek.
When her aura fans out around her it is…
Whose aura is this?
It chills her.
This foreign aura chills her. It has a physical weight as it coils itself around her wrist. She looks back up into the mirror and now she can see the differences. The woman who looks back is terrified. Small. Her face is hollow, cheeks sunken, skin pale…
And she seems to grow frailer and frailer as the frigid, bleak aura grows larger, thicker. A hand closes around her wrist. She tries to burn it away. But her fire isn’t quite searing enough, it clings tightly…
“Azula!” Her father...no it is Sangyul…
It is both.
“What are you doing?”
Sangyul’s aura wraps itself around her fire.
“No.” She whispers. “No! Father don’t let him do this!”
“You let him do this.” Her father sneers. “This is your fault. It’s your fault because you’re weak.”
Her fire is dimming. She strains herself, trying to flare it back up. It won’t rise, her body is too meek. Her mind is too fragmented. Her vision distorts and blurs and she doesn’t remember anymore. She doesn’t remember what’s happening, what she is doing. But she is surrounded; there are twelve faces and ten of them are her own.
Her vision blurs again and she is sitting on a bed with the Avatar. She is leaning in for a kiss. As he pulls his head back her world spins again. Spins and shifts and the twelve figures are closer.
“Go on, Azula. Do it.” Her father says, his voice wrapping with Sangyul’s. “You want this.”
“It’s alright.” Ten voices assure her.
“I don’t want to do this.” She mumbles.
“Don’t you?” Sangyul asks. “I think that you do.”
They do the shoving but it is her own hand that stains red. She feels a burning under her eye and a white hot flare in her belly. Her breathing is erratic as it pours out of her; her fire, her aura, her essence.
The ten figures close in around her.
They all look like her.
But they are all wrong; one of them wears a smile that is much too joyful, one of them has a face permanently twisted and lined with rage, and another is somehow duller, muted. There is another who wears her robes several sizes too tight and several inches too low cut and another still who never looks up…
She doesn’t observe them all.
She doesn’t get the chance because they all reach out and consume her before she can. What they leave of her is scattered. Unsalvageable.
“Disappointment.” Ozai remarks distantly.
“That isn’t quite what I had in mind.” Sangyul mutters.
She’s dying, can’t they see that she’s...
She knows that he has heard her but he has heard her whimpering softly to herself but he has the decency not to ask. The sun hasn’t yet risen. Even she doesn’t fancy being up so obscenely early, but she cares even less to slip back into that nightmare. She hadn’t even thought it possible to feel more fragmented than she does in waking.
She wanders towards the singed and splintered tree. She catches Aang observing her, she pretends not too. A part of her--the part that yearns for release--hopes that he will approach her. He keeps his distance, he pretends like he is sleeping.
She throws her first fireball. Admittedly, it lifts her mood some. Despite the incessant nightmares, she is feeling significantly less helpless. Her blasts are more on par with what she is used to, her coordination is better. Daily hikes with Aang have brought at least some definition back to her figure.
It is quite reassuring.
And yet she feels as though there is still something missing.
Some key part of her.
She takes a deep breath and shakes the thoughts away. If this goes right then she will find herself with a clearer mind and the Avatar will no longer have to pretend to be asleep. She closes her eyes and draws upon her inner flame. Feels the sparks running through her veins.
The electricity runs from her core to her chest, she pulls it down her arms and to her fingertips. It hums pleasantly around her chipoints. And her disjointed mind is quiet again.
She hears Aang yelp and has herself a small chuckle.
.oOo.
Azula holds herself higher, her eyes are much clearer. Every now and again they betray confusion and confliction. He isn’t certain exactly what it is born from but he has his suspicions.
He is almost certain that her conflict is at least connected to him. To what he represents. The truth is, he thinks, that she isn’t ready for change. Not yet, not under such unconventional circumstances.
“I don’t hate you, Avatar.” She mentions on occasion. “I think that I should. But I don't. I can’t.”
“Do you want to?” He had asked on one of those occasions.
He remembers the way that her brows furrowed. The slight parting of her lips. “I think that I should want to.”
For a change, she walks ahead of him. He doesn’t know where she is leading him. He isn’t sure that she knows either. He thinks that she is walking to give herself something to do. “Where are we going, Azula?”
“Sometimes I just want to walk, Avatar. We’ve been in the same place for weeks. It’s stagnant. I need to at least feel like I’m making progress.”
He laughs, “you are! I think that that’s obvious. Before you could barely light a candle, now you’re blasting holes through trees.”
Azula shrugs.
“You can’t run away from your past, Azula.”
“Maybe I’m trying to walk back to it.”
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2x11 The Witch's Quickening
Hey Arthur, remember last time you were on a manhunt in Camelot and it led you to Morgana's chambers, and she talked you out of searching them and later admitted that she'd been hiding a fugitive in there? Have you learned NOTHING
And Merlin too, he doesn't like, double back and confront Morgana or suggest Arthur do that?
Why is Arthur yelling at Merlin so much in this? Who wrote this episode.
::Coin watch the show instead of playing on her phone challenge::
Morgana being manipulated by a nine year old
Why is Arthur insulting the food as if Merlin cooked it himself? Every other meal he brings up is from the palace kitchens but on this occasion Merlin cooked himself? Ok.
Even the fkin dragon is OOC in this ep
Morgana is so much more intelligent than this.
Gaius needs to bring this to Uther in the throne room like a member of the public? He couldn't get a private audience with the king? Ok.
I really don't remember this episode being so terrible, maybe I'm in a bad mood.
You know, not for nothing, but from Mordred's perspective Merlin is being an absolute dick, not only siding with the oppressor but actively working to sabotage their plans and hurt their people. As we, the audience, are privy to the reasons behind this, WE don't necessarily questions Merlin's actions, WE know he's after the crystal because he's trying to prevent Mordred and Morgana from teaming up and bringing harm to Arthur - that's all good and well but like... Merlin could never bring himself to kill Mordred because he's just a boy, but yet he's allowed the boy to go off and become somewhat radicalized (I say 'somewhat' because honestly, it's not all that radical to plot to overthrow the king that has been waging a genocidal war against your people for twenty fucking years) without ever trying to bring him into the fold. If Merlin had explained his and Arthur's destinies to the boy, made an argument for waiting out Uther's reign in the hope that Arthur's reign will bring peace and magic back to Camelot, but which may not happen if he sees his father killed by sorcerers, and explained his reasons for hiding who he is from Morgana, regardless of Mordred's ultimate destiny to be Arthur's doom, Merlin would've at least had a shot at cultivating an alliance or at very least an understanding between them. Instead, all Mordred sees is this supremely powerful sorcerer who isn't even a druid, serving the very people that would bring an end to their entire race if they could. Although, it seems as tho Mordred has forgotten who exactly snuck him out of the castle and back to the druid camp in three first place. Makes you wonder if Morgana never explained to him that she was believed to have been kidnapped when they found her with the druids last time, and that she went along with that lie for her own safety.
Tl;dr: communication is important kids!
Do I even need to point out how much sense Morgana's little tiff with Uther did not make? Or her sudden distrust of Gwen? If anything she should think Gwen would be an ally considering a) her father was killed by Uther, as an innocent victim of Uther's war on magic, b) Gwen was party to Morgana's previous involvement in aiding and abetting a druid fugitive, c) Gwen L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y sacrificed herself to save Morgana from Hengist's men, the is zero reason to question Guinevere's loyalty to Morgana, and d) Gwen has never said a WORD against sorcery or hinted at any kind of prejudice against druids or anyone with magic.
I looked up the writing credit for this, it's Jake Michie who is also credited with some fantastic episodes like Lancelot, Beauty and the beast, and the Lamia to name a few. It was directed by Alice Troughton who has also done some good eps, including other eps written by Jake Michie, so like I really don't understand what went wrong here.
Oh God there's a commentary track on this episode. I don't wannnnnaaaaaa but maybe I'll learn something, like why it turned out the way it did.
Commentary by Julian Murphy, Alice Troughton, and Katie. I do not have high hopes.
Katie right off the bat explaining shit that's important to note, God I love her on these tracks. Apparently, this was one of the last things to be shot (Merlin films everything out of order and films several episodes concurrently, depending on filming location.) and it was being shot while three other episodes were being wrapped up - so they had FOUR episodes filming concurrently and a lot of THIS episode was directed by Julian Murphy, and Jeremy shot some of it as well. This COULD explain a lot of the inconsistency, but I question how much since Julian seems to be involved in filming lots of scenes in lots of episodes. But I guess it's possible that just that on top of the rush to finish and the pressure of so many spinning plates in the air right at the end. They've just said that for this episode they had the least amount of days to shoot it out of all the episodes they've done, which is partly why they had so much going at once. It's as good a reason as any to explain it being so off, but I don't really see that explaining the wildly off characterization.
Katie going on the whole thing about Alvarr-as-revolutionary and Alice picks up on Morgana's sort of desire to be in that position and they're having a quite meaningful discussion then Julian:I think she just thinks he's hot 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Katie says the script changed a lot even as it was filming, and that things were being changed as it was filmed so I'm kind of thinking for whatever reason this entire thing was a mess and that's why it came across looking so disjointed to me.
At least Julian realize the soup scene was terrible.
Idk why they're ganging up on Katie over the chemistry between her and Alvarr. She says she wasn't playing it that way and that she wasn't feeling it and they're just like "yea uh huh sure."
They're talking about having two units filming like a few feet away from each other in the forest, while there is another two units going in France.
Julian says they had added Alvarr's girlfriend in because they wanted to dramatize his charisma and calculation... but it's not manipulation - ?????????? Someone get the man a dictionary. 'We added a random blonde in four him to kiss so that the audience knows he's got a girl already, who sees him working his charm on Morgana and comments on it 'you played her well', but Alvarr isn't actually manipulative' ??????????
They've just pointed out two entire significant beats within a sequence that was constructed on set and off script. Arthur's confrontation with Alvarr in the forest and Merlin's slow motion tracking the crystal to show its got a powerful draw. The more they describe the specifics of filming the more it sounds like an utter disaster which kind of makes me feel bad for being so harsh on the episode.
I keep having to rewind to focus on what they're saying and I feel like I've been watching this episode for about 4 hours.
Awkward bit of prop-exposure there. Trying to work out what LK could even stand for.
Idk everyone's really happy with this scene between Morgana and Uther and I'm still sitting here thinking the dialogue was utterly ridiculous.
They talked about changing that final scene, where Uther clearly knows/suspects it was Morgana who helped Alvarr escape, so that it doesn't prematurely push the story too far ahead. They cut a look Morgana gives Merlin which, rightfully so, because it would've been too much too soon. The ending to this episode still feels wholly unsatisfying to me. I understand the little tag with the dragon yelling for Merlin to release him, I don't mean that, but the ending to the main story where Alvarr just escapes and Uther not only accepts that but also accepts that Morgana must've helped him. Overall Uther's been entirely sort of neutered throughout this episode, which I understand that partially has to do with it being Morgana, but like, in previous episodes when she's been so defiant against him, he's had her by the throat and locked her in a dungeon overnight. So I just doubt understand him being so subdued here, especially since he directly threatened her when he found pr Mordred escaped, and now another druid's escaped and he essentially knows she was involved given how she spoke to him, yet he doesn't do anything? Just wildly inconsistent behavior.
Anyway apologies for overanalyzing this episode, I realize I tore it apart pretty thoroughly during the commentary and the post became quite long. I wish there was a way to add a cut on mobile but there isn't. I'll have the S2 finale post up in a few hours - I might hold off on posting until I've watched the extras, I didn't do that for S1 but then I felt the extras didn't quite warrant a whole post on their own, so I might just tack on any thoughts I have to the 2x12 post. We'll see.
#bbc merlin#merlin#bbc merlin spoilers#merlin spoilers#merthur#2x11#bbc merlin 2x11#merlin 2x11#the witch's quickening#onceandfuturerewatch
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mtmte liveblog issue 15
death awaits!
oh god the cover. I aint ready
the cover of overlords open mouth w/rodimus floating inside or w/e,,,,the overlord mouth fixation continues i see
and of COURSE its by nick roche. of course
oh god the tension and dread in the first page, as we get overlords sinister promise to murder everyone, starting with rewind, and then seeing chromedome rush over to open the door, and knowing that 30 minutes have passed already...
that full page spread of everyone vs overlord is amazing
also I always thought that ambulon was trying to kick overlord but now that I look closer he’s actually jumping away from overlord, having just crashed one of those hover...thingys....into him...which is honestly cool as hell. also I'm never over the fact that ambulon kinda looks like he’s smiling here, just having a grand ole time as overlord tries his best to murder everyone
and chromedome just seeing this and saying ‘rewind?’ is fucking killing me thanks
PIPES NO DONT DO THIS. YOURE JUST RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND. PLEASE don't talk about how much fun you're having on your wacky space adventure oh god, that’s just asking to be murdered,
GOD AND THERE HE GOES, DRIVING TO HIS DOOM. PIPES NO
AUGHHHHHHHHHH AND THERES OVERLORD WITH HIS GIANT FOOT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PIIIIIPES ;_;
his messed up goodbye thoughts are brutal...plus the final shot of him laying all busted up....god :(
that guy seriously had some awful luck this trip. rip lil guy
BUT he sounded the alarm!!! so good for him!! that's a pretty amazing final act right there
oh my god I forgot abt this scene where rewind is like ‘so brainstorm why is my husband saying your name in his sleep :))))’ and brainstorm is like ‘haha idk its certainly not because we’re working on a secret project together, so jot that down!’ lmao brainstorm....
also dw rewind brainstorm is not fucking ur husband, just look at his evidentially extensive collection of perceptor-style microscopes...my man is microscopesexual
I forgot abt the metabomb omfg
‘some of my favorite words are monosyllabic’ rodimus ily, himbo of my heart,
fort max :( rung :(
oughhghghg I forgot abt the scene of tailgate making cyclonus a new horn ;_; and then cyclonus materializes menacingly bc tg dared to volunteer their room for movie night hvbfshdjkfbaskj cyclonus anti-social icon
AUGHHHH GOD THE PANEL OF RATCHET TALKING ON THE COMMS AND OVERLORD IS JUST, RIGHT BEHIND HIM, WITH HIS BIG STUPID LIPS, OH MY GOD
what the fuck, is drift a flying car??? hello??? what the hell????
seriously he’s got like, rockets and shit, what the fuck
anyways, the entire exchange b/w ratchet and drift here kills me, for multiple reasons.... ‘my faith and my sword’ lmao love it. and then ratchet refusing to leave drift and calling him his friend ;_; aughhh
rodimus w/the squad like ‘lets go gays!!!’
also I guess cosmos WAS on the lost light lol, totally didn't remember that, I'm guessing he left at some point to go be in the other series lmao
I'm sorry but ‘amazing. you speak entirely in name’ is so fucking funny, but also like stfu overlord you're not allowed to be funny
MAGNUSSSSSSSS
now I'm confusing myself lmao, rodimus DID know abt overlord, didn't he??? wasn't that the whole thing???? I don't remember if he was involved w/the whole mnemosurgery plan but he at least knew that overlord was there...but we haven't been told that in-story yet so now I'm questioning that lmao
oh god I forgot that overlord almost kills magnus, jeeeeesus. good thing he’s a russian nesting doll otherwise he probably would've died fr
also damn that's gotta be scary for everyone else, bc magnus is The Big Guy, and a renown fighter...plus drift got all fucked up...yall are in for a bad time
tailgate gettin his panic on I see
swerve w/the meta narration lmao
cyclonus ily sm.......
rodimus charging at overlord....ohhh my boy not your best idea
cd and rewind both saying ‘I thought you were dead!’ HHHHHHHH I'm destroyed fuck it all
rodimus (inadvertently) saving the day by saying ‘til all are one’...iconic!!
FORT MAX IS HEREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
drift just casually chillin w/no legs
chromedome going into extreme detail about all the mnemosurgery he’s been doing on overlord for WEEKS while rewind is Right There....my dude.
this issue has a LOT of completely white backgrounds but I cant even rlly blame milne bc this seems like more drawing work than usual
oh god cd don't say ‘we’ll finish this conversation later’ at a time like this, that’s never a good idea,
rewind no don't do it :( :( :(
that panel of cd’s arm getting cut off...AUGHHH
GODDDDDDD IM FUCKING CRYING. AUGHHHHHHHHHHH I.....
so incredibly fucked that cd does what’s best for rewind by blowing the pod up....hhhhh god
and then that last panel of cd laying on the ground....fucking destroy me!!!!!!!!
also I love that at the beginning of the issue we see whirl with the missile launcher thing, and that’s what cd uses at the end here....good bookends. jro is really great about putting stuff in the story that just seems like innocuous filler/fun character building but turns out to ALSO be plot relevant later
HOLY SHIT I forgot about the cast page with the big red X’s thru the dead people’s profiles....jesus christ
AUGH this issue was a rollercoaster, phew...and the emotionally devastating conclusion to this arc is still yet to come!
I will say that it’s super interesting looking back on this, in the sense that rewind & chromedome are introduced as the first ever gay tf couple, and a few issues after we get told this explicitly, rewind is killed. this doesn't really end up being an issue representation-wise bc literally everyone is gay and there are a bunch of other significant gay characters/relationships later on, AND rewind comes back later
but still! it’s interesting to think about how, at the time this came out, the phrase/concept ‘bury your gays’ wasn't really something that was talked about a lot (or like, it was, but not as often as nowadays, and not really under the term ‘bury your gays’ iirc), but at the time of publication this would have fallen under that trope (though rewind coming back later negates it imo). I think it would've been tough for this story to come out nowadays due to the backlash that would've occurred from rewind’s initial death (it also makes me wonder if there was any backlash when this DID come out)
to be clear, this isn't a writing criticism - in fact, the reason this is able to work at all is because of the crazy amount of representation mtmte has. it’s like, youre able to kill off gay characters without it being ‘bury your gays’ if literally all your characters are gay by default, and there are a bunch of significant gay relationships happening - technically speaking, any death in mtmte is bury your gays lmao
this is a completely disjointed rant but my point is like, if this issue came out in 2020 people would probably be pretty put off by rewind dying (understandably), but in the context of the series as a whole I don't consider this to be bad writing/bad representation/bury your gays
and like, WERE people really mad about this in 2013? I am curious now, bc I would definitely feel kinda betrayed if I didn't know all the stuff that happens later
but its pretty nice, because now I'm free to enjoy the writing and be emotionally devastated by rewinds death in a normal way, and not a ‘I'm angry at the writers for killing off one of the only gay characters’ kinda way
anyways I'm tired as hell so I'm going to bed, ill continue the emotional devastation later, phew
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endgame sucks
a few years late but im angry so lets go
disclaimer: ive only managed to sit through eg once in the cinema and most of points have been said before by people who can say them better than me. i could probably elaborate on these points and explain much more clearly but whatever
It cant decide on its tone. One minute eg is a serious drama, then the characters are doing stupid jokes and slapstick comedy. It completely breaks the immersion and I hate it a lot
The colouring is really ugly to look at. Especially that end fight. It’s hard to see what’s happening as most things in shot are shades of browns, dark reds/purples, black that merge into each other
Unnamed Gay Russo Brother
I hate the white suits. They’re really ugly and strip the characters of their individuality considering individuality is one of the selling points of the avengers to get you to invest in all their separate stories but whatever whatever
Most scenes are just completely filled with little nods and references to past events with no substance. Again, makes it very disjointed and if I was going to watch without seeing other mcu films to see what the hype was about, I would be completely lost.
They killed off all the women lmao
I hate Professor Hulk more than anything. a) he looked hideous and cgi was a mistake b) it didnt really explain it to the audience? Bruce’s whole arc was about controlling the Hulk and we’ve watched him deal with that for all of the films then suddenly its sorted off camera?? shut up c) his dab means the movie is gonna age like milk
Fat, depressed, alcoholic Thor treated like a joke. I was really excited to see a strong character a lot of ppl find sexy in this position because I thought we’d get an arc about being strong whilst being depressed like it can coexist. Or that superheroes can be fat and still save the day. Etc. But no ppl think hes sexy but now hes fat so its funny hahah
Why did Tony go on that rant then collapse? i cant even remember what he said but i do remember being bored in the cinema so idk fuck tony <3
Actually yeah most of the way through I remember feeling really bored
every single ‘good’ ending is literally if youre white and straight with kids you’re happy like shut up. steve gets peggy and he’s happy. tony gets pepper and the little rat idk her name and dies but hes happy coz he had the family. Clint and Scott are happy because they have wives and families. It’s so tiring
RED SKULL OKOK RED SKULL IS THE CAPTAIN AMERICA VILLAIN OK AND STEVE NEVER EVEN SEES HIM!!! HES ONLY THERE FOR THE AUDIENCE TO GO ‘OOOOO RED SKULL!!’ NAT AND CLINT HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT FUCK IS
Loki disappearing set up a loki spin-off so blatantly it was irritating
I’m very happy about Sam as Captain America, I adore his comics and honestly cant wait. But the films set up Bucky as Cap with the amount of times he picked up the shield and used it in the other movies. If they had planted more Sam using the shield moments in past films, it could’ve set up the transition better.
Captain Marvel was in 2 scenes?? im not that much of a fan but considering how much they hyped her up and got all the men angry about it. its a bit cringe
TALKING OF CRINGE I AM IRON MAN AKSGKAGAKAGAKFAJAG
Again, the hype around Wakanda and then they dust T’Challa?? I cant remember if Shuri, Okoye or any of the Dora Milaje are in endgame but if I can’t remember them theyre probably in it for one scene total
Rhodey was the only black person that wasnt dusted?? I’m pretty sure he’s the only poc in a main-ish role but that could be wrong
Still no bi valkyrie
It’s almost as if disney does the bare minimum to try to draw in different audiences but still panders to the conservative viewers so they don’t alienate them hm
THE MUSIC SUCKS
I’m super into movie scores and this one was bad ok it was just the avengers theme played again and again at different tempos
Anyway it was really funny when tony died 10/10
#this is mostly jokey because i cba to go in depth#i should watch it again and make notes ive got a free week next week i might#fatphobia#racism#misogyny#<- jic#hating tony was a hobby of mine i enjoyed hurting that fake mans feelings#tumblr user ghostiyyy is a reformed tony stark hate blog owner#isaac.pdf
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Ok I caught up with wtfock s3 because well, it felt weird to leave unfinished (except a few clips i just didn’t want to watch, like the attack one). here’s what worked and didn’t for me (i’m pretty critical so don’t read if that sort of thing upsets you or you’re not in the mood) because i still think having this story remade so often is an unprecendented storytelling experiment worth thinking about even when it doesn’t entirely work (and i think argumented criticism is good, but if you post hate about the actors/fans etc you really suck tbh) :
- to start with positives : like many said, the acting was pretty damn good. overall wtfock has a really solid cast. the willems have succeeded in creating an onscreen queer intimacy that feels very believable, no holds barred and no awkwardness, and they have to be commended for that. there’s a lot of chemistry and tension at first between them, which then turns into something very soft and sweet and puppy-love-like. it was nice seeing Robbe evolve and the sweet bean energy that emanates from how the actor plays him is very very powerful. i also loved the warmth of the flatshare, and as a Dutchie I just adored the Sinterklaas bits, it was so funny and i loved the found family vibes. warmth is just something they do really well, esp with the last clips, perfume shopping, playing board games, the party at the end. They use the Christmassy vibes really well. the cinematography has its moments too, contrasts between warm and cold, the episode at the beach is gorgeous, the sequence in the tunnel, the light on their faces when they are in that classroom surrounded by drawings. wtfock as a whole is also good at creating some very lovable secondary characters, be it Milan, Yasmina, Noor, or especially king Senne. So, I do understand that there are things to love about this remake, which is probably why my disappointment feels so strong. I really wanted to care about these characters in their journey.
- on to the controversial : i don’t necessarily fault them for wanting to show a more prononced aspect of homophobia. i think the debate about this often lacks nuance. on one hand, this is the sixth remake, and homophobia is something that is still often prevalent, and having one remake show that out of six is not in itself a problem. on the other, yes, happy fluffy stories are important, but sometimes people who have gone through stuff like this also need to see their experiences represented. the power of skam is that it shows difficult experiences BUT ALSO a happy ending. that can be very healing, i think, compared to other stories which focus only on the drama. the trouble is, i don’t think they dealt with it very well, or put any effort into processing the consequences of these harrowing things. and if you don’t, it feels cheap.
- on to my main gripe : the writing. previsible, i know. but to me, essential. and this is not about them ‘changing things’ - i like when remakes change stuff, when they do it well. the thing is, i have been burned too many times before. and when i sense that the writing is being wack, it makes it automatically much harder for me to invest emotionally in the characters. and simply put there were signs early on that made me distrust the writers. for starters, the first two episodes gave me a feeling that they didn’t have their priorities in order. the POV-immersion and depth is one of the most powerful aspects of skam, and it was lost. too many early clips felt out of Robbe’s perspective, and when it was him it was about Noor ; a few clips to show his discomfort were on point, but there were too many of them, and there were repetitive, losing time on what isn’t really an essential part of Robbe’s journey. and while they were spending time on clips that felt like misery flavored filler, they decided several times to condense original clips focused on Isak and Even, together ; like their first meeting and then their first hangout, or later in the series OHN and the minute by minute talk. and i think their story suffered from that. i think because they don’t have a real discussion early on, the buildup of their relationship feels mostly based on physical attraction. and while it certainly is a thing that happens, it just isn’t my fave love story thing. i missed the sweet pining from afar and tension that makes later drama believable. it felt like they brought the drama comparatively too fast without enough character work to make it worthwhile. Also there is just too much time spent on Zoenne drama, and their breakup seems like it foreshadows the dreaded s4 love triangle, which, yikes. the focus is all over the place, the rythm felt incoherent.
- what’s more, they decided to introduce pretty grave elements of plot, like Robbe using slurs against Sander, the homophobic attack, the suicidal urges on both their sides, Sander kissing Britt while he was still saying I love you to Robbe in the morning, without either proper build up or resolution. It made it all feel cheap, jarring, and unearned, especially when they didn’t put trigger warnings or made jokes about it on insta or waited forever to give news about the characters being ok. it felt like drama for the sake of drama, and definitely not written with a vulnerable audience of queer teens in mind. and at the same time, when it came to the ‘big scenes’ of their relationship, like the first kiss or the universes talk or sander’s episode, it felt more or less lifted from OG without a lot of effort made to adapt it to them. i actually quit live watching/blogging after the first kiss scene, because of how similar it was, and how uninspired it felt, and lukewarm. it felt like a lack of imagination. when it came to OHN, the scene in itself was lovely, but the weird time gap, random timing and people seemingly doing nothing after a suicidal Sander disappeared, sort of broke it for me. In the OG the combo of buildup, longing, realisation, fear, release works so well in a sequence, and splitting it over time really diluted it, to me. Similarly the quickly thrown out ‘life is now’ at the ending felt sort of out of nowhere, while in OG it was such a lovely bookend, him apologizing to Eva and reflecting on his growth. The symbolism, which ties everything so beautifully together in themes of rebirth, salvation, baptism, union, faith, deciding your own narrative in OG, here feels inconsistent. There is an attempt I see, something about wasteland vs. warmth/family, but it’s often absent of main clips. It’s nowhere near as coherent as it could be.
- all of this builds up to the main problem for me, of the season. which is, i didn’t really get into Robbe and Sander’s relationship. Or their individual arcs for that matter. When it comes to Robbe, I guess he just isn’t my type of character. I feel like he is missing the fire of an Isak. A lot of the time he just felt too passive, like he let other characters make his decisions. I was waiting for him to stand up for himself more than he did. And there are too many scenes of another character doing his coming out for him. And then Sander ; I have to say I don’t understand all the love his character gets. Maybe because that’s because he sort of gives me Dutch fuckboi vibes...but there were several times he just came accross as a flat out asshole. I found him intriguing in his intro clip, chaotic and charming, but that never really went where i expected it to. i didn’t get his passion, what drew him to art. the symbolism around his character - basically Bowie, and drawing Robbe, and Chernobyl (which is a bit tasteless imho, turning a tragedy like that into a cutesy romantic thing), feels ...disjointed, and shallow to me. Like I never really got into it. And maybe some people did and noticed deeper links but to me, I got stuck at the surface. I saw a lot of interesting theories with what was going on with him but in the end they just copied OG. And I’m sad to say, but he ended up feeling like a manic pixie dream boy cliché to me, and i just didn’t understand what drew them to each other so strongly. Yes, Robbe is caring and Sander is in need of care, but that feels like a very reductive reproduction of OG. Beyond that...i don’t know. Certain complexities of the OG i loved just...were sanded away, like Isak being ignorant about MI and learning compassion. This just...didn’t feel like it had the same depth, and often felt like soapy teenage drama, leaning too hard and too lazily on the actors’ chemistry. i like my romances wordy and solidly enmeshed in character development, and this was not it. It never felt like they had a real conversation about things, esp after the drama.
- i think this is the first remake that made me actually angry for reasons not related to problematic cast shit, and so i’m trying to analyze that emotion. for me it comes down to too much drama, too heavy handed. Too much of the boy squad being shitty to Robbe, too much Noor, too much filler clips without any deeper meaning, too much things distracting from getting to know the main characters and going into their issues in depth. They changed stuff, but didn’t have the guts to actually follow through. They broke the mold but only in ways that ended up feeling shallow and unconsequential. Like I would have loved seeing Robbe go to therapy ! see his mom ! Zoe and Robbe go to the police together ! Sander have a complicated home situation ! or doing a Bowie related art installation to express his feelings of alienation ! seeing more of the underground graffiti scene ! or just...something, idk. And them also removing the faith-related themes also felt disappointing. and the ohn clip taking place in the place where sander draws feels very....basic to me, even if it was pretty. very ‘oh he’s an artist, here is his safe place’....hm, okay. I didn’t like that they made Britt into such a villain, I didn’t like how the boy squad showed no care for Robbe whatsoever for weeks until the plot said it was time for them to be redeemed in a way that felt too jarring, and I didn’t like that they made Moyo so horrible but redeemed him so easily. I actually thought they would show that it’s okay to separate yourself from friends who are that bigoted, because it just shows they are not willing to care for people. And him suddenly saying those sweet and mature things felt too out of characters and a ahah ‘gotcha’ rather than depth . I didn’t like that Robbe, too, was made so virulent by his internalized homophobia but got over it so quickly. I think what disappointed me most, in the end, was that I kept picking up potential and the show kept doing absolutely nothing with it, or confirming my fears, and it made me feel stupid and out of tune with whatever they were doing. And it’s, to me, symptomatic in modern storytelling of a trend to privilege shocks and twists over inner coherence and build up. And it makes for...Very underwhelming stuff, in the end.
- all in all, i think this remake illustrates why s3 of OG is not as easy to remake as it sounds. it’s very intricate machinery, with a pitch perfect rhythm (and an extremely passionate nitpicky fanbase lmao). and if you don’t get all the parts of why it’s so great, you’re going to lose a lot of it. (and all the remakes ended losing up stuff in translation ; more or less compensated by inventivity and charm of their own.) so many mainstream press articles praise the real time/social media format and the ‘real talk about teen issues’ which, yeah, is part of the success, but doesn’t explain the devotion on its own. there’s the way the story uses real time to build up a storytelling rythm that feels organic and makes sense as if it was part of the lives of the viewer. There’s foreshadowing and aftershocks. Wtfock often feels like they wrote the clip numbers on darts and randomly threw them at a week planner. If an episode of a regular series ends on a cliffhanger, we can be thrilled and frustrated and put it aside for next week. but if you end an episode with a character shown to be suicidal, or you don’t show them being okay after a beating, for hours or days, that’s the emotion you leave your viewers with, because skam is a continuous experience. and remakes who pile on drama moments without respite (looking at you too skamfr s4) don’t get how tiring and disengaging this can be, in this format. skam worked so well because of how benevolent it was, on the whole. and also, cheeky, with that ‘don’t take it too seriously’ deflating humor. grumpy isak in ‘hate me now’ mode getting bumped into. this lightness and comedy often feels missing here. also my god the social media is absolutely terrible. plus...there is too much filler. honestly, them having more time, on the whole...ended up being a bad thing. Plus Wtfock feels like it has so much more unadressed plot points, like...why did Sander change his mind exactly and kiss Britt again ? How did Robbe’s mom react ? Who did the attack ? What is happening w Senne now ? etc. And it feels like they just missed the fact that OG, however subtly, did adress those things.
- now, don’t get me wrong, i’m happy it’s popular in Belgium. On the whole it’s still a beautiful story of love and acceptance. and that people found something in it that spoke to them. but as a remake, it’s probably one of the most disappointing yet, to me. and i sort of...don’t get the hype. and i don’t want to be too ‘oh cute boys kissing’ cynical about it. but i think this illustrates why in the end, this is also very subjective. there are probably things i missed because i didn’t feel the need to examine it in depth or do the extra emotional work that comes with being a devoted fan of something. and some of their choices made me angry, and i’m not forgiving when it comes to these things. i still wish them success for s4 and whatever else, but i don’t think i will watch live, at least unless it gets really rave reviews about their treatment of Yasmina’s season. i mean they got s2 right, who knows?
#wtfock#also i'm willing to discuss this reasonably but any sort of hate will be deleted on sight lol#i thought a lot about posting this or not but then i was like well this is my blog and i have a lot of emotions about this#so i needed to process
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I feel like with art there's constantly a demand for me to be improving so that i could meet some higher standard. I don't really feel too happy creating art because of that fact and it's been like this well before the quarantine started. I just was planning on going into an art uni and i wanted to compose my portfolio and i feel like my works aren't good enough and at this point i have so little energy to try and improve idk this all sounds really pathetic i'm sorry
no it doesn’t sound pathetic, i understand. i can’t really fix it for you because i have trouble creating sometimes too but all i can say is that stretches like this don’t change the nature of the work or change who you are at the core of it...i know its shitty difficult to do but i think you should just try drawing or painting without any intention of showing it to anyone or improving or even being particularly good just like...try and focus on the act of creating and how that feels not the art itself or your expectations for yourself. i write completely disjointed outlines and scenes that i think are crap when im having problems and they are not hidden gems they are bad and only a couple people have ever seen them but they help me get going again so it was worth it in the end
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Coming Attractions!
First Monday of the month, woohoo!
(And also kind of a NaNo roundup post because that was last month, after all…)
NaNo:
Sooooo I didn’t finish, lol. Not that I was…super expecting to, exactly, but I was hopeful! I think I just missed too many days in a row and lost all my momentum.
In terms of my goals, I was hoping to write:
1. 20-25k on Precipice
2. 20-25k on our faces like a mirror
3. 10-20k on Other Projects.
4. 50-70k total
In terms of what I actually accomplished:
1. 9,241 on Precipice (Sooooooo....about half of what I’d hoped, a little less. But I still got a fair amount done/prepped for upcoming chapters, plus a couple chapters actually posted, even while doing other stuff, so...go me!)
2. 9,043 on our faces like a mirror (Again, a bit less than half of what I’d hoped for, but I got enough done for the story/etc. to take a real Shape in my head. ...ish. See the specific OFLAM stuff later on in the post...)
3. 10,601 on Other Projects (Hey, I actually met this goal! ...barely, but still! Mostly thanks to the Nikita/Rebels crossover, lol...)
4. 28,885 total
Original Fiction:
I got a decent chunk of a big backstory piece for Lux done (in the form of a “then” and “now” set of scenes/vignettes for the five Archangels)--that being said, I’m not sure I actually like what I have there, lol. I know more or less what I need to cover, but the details are fiddly. Also not sure whether I should refer to Lux by her current name, for consistency’s sake, or use a different name (either Lightbringer or just Lucifer) since she does technically reshape her name after being released when the main Apocalypse storyline kicks off…also debating whether Lux should be/present as female way back when--angels don’t really do gender the way humans do in this ‘verse, but the closest human term for Lux would be genderfluid, sooooo IDK. Also also, for the ‘Now’ part…ehhh, I’m not sure I should have this be the first thing I post involving Trixie…but I’ll keep poking at it and see what comes out.
(I’d also planned to work on the big Kesshare character study saturation for The Farglass Cycle this month, and maybe go back to my untitled first-contact story, but neither of those happened, lol.)
Precipice:
We’re in the home stretch! Kinda. So to speak. Probably three to four more chapters in Arc Seven, which I’m hoping-fingers-crossed I’ll finish by the end of the calendar year??? (But given how much other stuff I hope to work on (see Other Fanfic Projects for more details…)
At that point--and I know I’ve said this before, and I’ll probably put it in an A/N in the next chapter or so, but following the end of Milestones, I’m planning to break off into a second/sequel fic, working title Protectors. This is at least in part because length (over 200k wtf I was anticipating 50-75k, maybe 100k, for these seven arcs @.@), but also was sort of planned even without the Length issue, due to some thematic/structure shifts following a six-year timeskip. Which, if you do the math, you can probably figure out where that’ll land us and why I might be structuring it this way…
Anyway, I’ve increasingly realized that there’s some stuff I should probably set up that I’ll need for later arcs in Part 2 involving some Rebels characters, more with the Last Batch, plus a Sith Apprentice who needs to turn up and die (although the gap between Infernalis and the next apprentice I actually care about/have a name and some kind of Plot for is only about four years in my mental timeline, so maybe there isn’t an active Apprentice in that period*…hmmmmm…), some background about the Hands, etc. But I feel like it’s all a little too disjointed for an entire additional arc. So, Arc 7.5, tentatively titled Preludes, is also going to be a thing XD I don’t think I’ll have a fixed schedule for that vs. the main storyline--and, honestly, it’ll probably work more like a collection of one-shots taking place during the timeskip than a proper Arc, but a little more Relevant than stuff that goes in Bonus Content, if that makes sense? It’ll probably be posted alongside at least arcs 8 and 9. Which, incidentally, take place more or less back-to-back and cover a fairly short period of time, but there is A Lot of plot/setup that goes into them. Like. If I tried to do it all as one arc, it’d be at least twice as long as any of the other arcs I’ve done, possibly including Arc Four--certainly over twenty chapters, I think--plus there’s a good (and by good I mean Horrible) place where I can split the arcs, so…we’ll see how that goes.
(…still not sure what to do with Maul, lol. He may just be Sir Darth Not-Appearing-In-This-Fic, or he might turn up in arc 10/11/13, which are the sort of vaguest of the next seven arcs which make up Protectors, in terms of how much I have planned out…)
(*On a semi-related note, I’ve been asked about Inquisitors a couple times in comments lately, and…well, I’ll probably mention this when I reply to the commenter in question, but I figured I’d set it out here as well, in case anyone else was wondering the same thing but doesn’t read other peoples’ comments. Like I’m pretty sure I mentioned at the start, when I plotted out** the bulk of this fic, I hadn’t seen Rebels yet. I’ve since decided to integrate a few characters/plot points (Kallus and Zeb will feature prominently in a subplot in arcs 13 and 14, for example), but, as a rule, characters and plot points from Rebels haven’t been taken into account unless I Really Like Them and/or they’re a good way to fill in a plot hole in a later arc, as with Kallus and Zeb. So, for example, when I include Thrawn, I’m writing more towards Legends!Thrawn in terms of personality, though the two have blended a bit in my head and I do reference specific events in Disney!Thrawn’s personal timeline; and b) more relevantly, I hadn’t made any plans to include Inquisitors, and that…hasn’t really changed. So, I might have them in Preludes, but they almost certainly won’t show up on-page/be super-relevant in the main arcs of the fic, sorry :/ )
(**Loooool I say “Plotted Out” like I’m the kind of author with a Master Plan or at least an outline. But I did have a general idea of the Major Plot Points going in, such as when Rex and Ahsoka would turn up, Luke’s storyline with Lavinia, how many Apprentices I would need to make them work, etc., and I’ve had parts of Arcs 8, 9, and 14 written for like at least two years now, so I know more or less where I’m going--though they’ll be edited once I have more of the connective tissue in place, in case I’ve accidentally Jossed myself…or I change my mind, which is becoming A Possibility with a major event set to happen in Arc 14, so…we’ll see.)
Aaaaaanyway. Exciting times ahead, I hope!
Other Fanfic:
This month, I finally posted another AU outline, woohoo! …I mean, it was a super-niche Nikita/Rebels crossover with a handful of OCs thrown in but who’s counting XD (I do actually intend to finish Let’s Go Steal a Crossover and update the Ventress one at some point but…yeah).
I also put out a Kallus one-shot that I think turned out really well. May do more of those at some point, who knows…
I made some significant progress on our faces like a mirror, as mentioned above! But now I’m waffling a little bit over structure. Basically, the fic covers Bo-Katan’s backstory from the time Satine becomes Duchess, through the Civil War, and eventually leads to Bo’s eventual break with her sister to join Death Watch. It comes in two pretty distinct halves--what I call the Fugitive arc in my notes, which covers the Civil War, and the Breakdown arc, which is everything after her return to Sundari.
So, my original plan was--prologue covering at least part of the final Epic Screaming Match that leads to Bo’s departure; jump back to the Fugitive Arc; and then follow through until we catch up to the prologue, with a coda/epilogue with her and Pre Viszla. The problem is, there’s…really not a lot to connect the two halves??
I’ve got a couple options on what to do about this, but I’m not sure which would be best.
Option One: Keep the structure as-is and just let it be episodic.
Option Two: Keep the structure as-is and find some way to connect the two halves (i.e., a recurring antagonist; I do have an idea of who this could be, but the problem is, it takes away a good chunk of the focus from Bo and Satine’s relationship for the Breakdown Arc…which I don’t really want to do.)
Option Three: Remove the framing device and focus on the Breakdown Arc, and include the Fugitive Arc as flashbacks, since the Breakdown Arc can’t really stand on its own. (The main issue I have with this one is that, if I want to actually write out future chunks of Bo’s life later--meaning, her time with Death Watch, and getting her from TCW to Rebels--I won’t have these flashbacks and I don’t want to change the structure too radically for any eventual sequels? Also, I’m not sure how I feel about a flashback structure for this fic in general…)
Option Four: Remove the framing device and focus on the Fugitive Arc, ending the story with Bo’s return to Sundari. (Two issues with this one--I really do want to go into the Breakdown Arc; that’s where my interest in this story started. Also, due to the constraints of setting and so on, Bo interacts with…like…two canon characters over the course of the Fugitive Arc? And while I don’t really have a problem writing a story that’s essentially a Backstory Epic for a tertiary character, populated by about 90% OCs, I’m not sure anyone actually wants to read that, except as the lead-in to the Breakdown Arc??? But maybe I’m overthinking…)
…so, yeah. Any thoughts/opinions on which option would be Best? (I may make a separate post asking the same question later, but figured I’d lay it all out here, too!)
Also, I’m working on a Secret Santa project, and probably not going to use OFLAM for SWBB, which means I need to come up with and write a different plotline of some kind, so back to the drawing board on that one…
Also also, I do genuinely plan to get Distaff off hiatus At Some Point, especially since I’ve gotten some new comments/responses lately…but given how much else I have on my plate, writing-wise, that probably won’t happen until next year, alas.
Anyway, the long and short of it is--lots of writing planned for this month! Now let’s see how much I actually get done XD
What about the rest of you? What’ve y’all been up to/what do you have planned for next month?
#coming attractions#miscellania#shadowsong writes star wars#shadowsong writes original fic#shadowsong writes crossovers#shadowsong writes self-indulgent bs#feedback greatly appreciated#our faces like a mirror#precipice verse#nano2019
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Hey Sofia! I was wondering, have you seen Stranger Things 2 yet If so, what did you think of it? love your art!! xxx
I’m glad you asked!I’m actually about to watch Episode 9 right this moment (on Nov. 8; 9:58am). (And i finished this 5:48pm writing this)
The CGI has gotten better 8)))))))))I LOVE THESE KIDS SO MUCH. They’re so good. Like we already know they’re amazing actors since Season 1. BUT LIKE THEY’RE EVEN MORE AMAZING IN SEASON 2 especially with Will’s and Mike’s PTSD.Ngl, i kind of stopped watching a bit around episode 3…. cause it was such a slowburn that didnt really hold my interest for so long. I mean i’m all about slow burns in stories and the many perspectives is to set up everything for the last few episodes but yeah idk i got distracted by Net juu no Susume.Like i kind of wished they kept up with the DnD running theme that they had in the first Season?? or atleast kept with the Video Game references since they set that up in episode 1 just so everything is more tied up together… if that makes sense? I mean yeah sure they added that in the LAST part but like eh… THE LAST FEW EPSODES THOOOOOOOOO.
fersure i am dying in feelings.spoiler-y feelings under the keep reading (sorry for being all over the place i am not eloquent)
SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the long read. i have feelings.WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLike damn Noah Schnapp his acting is AMAAAAZING. LIKE HOLYYYYYYYSHITTTT. Especially this season everyone is just *EYE EOJIS AT WILL*. and BOOOOOOOOIIII did Noah step uppppp. I love how he’s wide eyed terriffied lamb protect at all costs and then the next he’s a stone cold intense.When Eleven was introduced outside of the Upside down so early into the series, I lowkey wished she stayed longer in the Upside Down cause they built it up in the first season that it takes her a while to recover after she uses her powers. i mean she was getting stronger…. but like you know…. idk. But i kind of liked the flashbacks of her surviving in the forest. And i also appreciate the fact most of the adult she has encountered arent mean to her. They’re always genuinely concerned for her well being and wished her well in her en devours. 8))))))
I like Eleven’s father-daughter relationship with Hopper. He’s relearning to be a dad and she’s learning how to human(?) and find herself. and its cute and they’re gonna be ok. (but i find the Mom files, that she finds, being in the cabin a little too convinent??? like hopper could have kept it in his house? but he also might have moved out to the cabin as well… *SHRUGS*) I’m just happy Hopper has an Arc of his own this season. The episode with her sister was kind of out of place? and kind of loses the urgency in the story and its feels disjointed??? but I also hope she’ll one day reunite with her sister and they’ll patch things up. (season 3!!!!!!!!!!!!)CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT LUCAS AND MAX?????????? THEY’RE SO CUTE. Lucas was really great. Im glad they gave him more screen time and really delved down to his character so he no longer seems like he’s angry 24/7. The glimpsed we get of his home life is such a gem. I love it. especially his sister. WAHAHHAHA I sometimes think Max was added in for the sake of middle school romance and throwing a wrench in the boy’s friendship….. Like i dont hate her perse… i just didnt like how handled her character. Like the time between after she helped out setting the trap in the junk yard; up until the time she stabbed her brother in the throat with morphine…. she was kind of tossed aside. i feel like there was some sort of deleted scene where she figures out how to drive a car ????? idk. I do hope she has a bigger impact next season. LET HER BE BEST FRIENDS WITH EL PLEASE.God Bless, Dustin. My sweet boy. I still cant believe he still has insecurities in his friendships (i cant believe he was fine with being replaced by Max in the party). I teared up when he kept calling out to his friends on the radios and no one was answering him. AND THE THING AT THE DANCE. ugh. that hit close to home. Nancy dancing with him ties up nicely with the first episode when he offers her pizza and she slams the door on his face. (Also i like how this didnt develop with out of place inappropriate pervy jokes at Nancy’s expense like in most movies when the comedic relief get the most beautiful girl in the end)
Also i love his new relationship with Steve. also i want him to be the Disney princess of the Demadogs. (i’ll probs draw that later)
STEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEE. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTTTTTTT YAAAAAAASSSSSSSS. best baby sitter. best older brother. I wish he had closure with Nancy. Like girl dick move for cheating on him when you guys have ambiguously broken up. idk man. The way they wrote Nancy was disappointing. I dont want to blame it on her PTSD? but i wish she just said something when Steve was assuring her that it was ok. LIKE GIRL DONT JUST LET HIM WALK AWAY. SAY SOMETHING. (whelp there goes my hopes and dreams for a jonathan steve nancy sandwhich *SOBS*) Nancy is a smart cookie and i wish they handled her relationship with Steve and Jonathan better. She was pretty bad ass for grabbing that shot gun tho. Like Hopper didint even question it. and she took it like a master gunsman? marksman? like she was born to wield that gun. Good job on continuity. 8))))))))))))))))))))))))
The Park scene was A+++.That Conspiracy theorist tho………. I was expecting him to be a red herring of sorts? The Vodka… the russian music… It might be him just being vaguely racist in the “If i drink this and listen to this i will get into that Soviet headspace“ kind of sense? But i was expecting him to be a Russian spy and maybe do some damage later on and not just be there to help Nancy and Jonathan realized their attraction and give Barbs her closure. IDK. (and like shouldnt the blue side of the american flag be on the left side when you hang it vertically? or the blue side being on the right mean war or something? idk im not american. please confirm.)Joyce………… man. Also good character development. Cant believe she went from “need to save my boy” to “must protect at all cost cause he a fragile” to “i need to hurt my son in order save him” like damnnn. i was expecting Jonathan to convince his mom to amp up the heat and not the other way around. MY GOD. BOOOOOBBB BOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBB. THE SUPERHERO WE ALL NEED. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH(I did not expect Samwise to be pretty tall. Also a friend pointed out that he was Sam and i’m just he’s the tallest hobbit). uggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh cant believe he died.Billy………………….Dacre Montgomery he’s so beautifullllllllllll. like his eyelashes are so fucking long and his jawline can cut me like a bitch. he’s a fucking beautiful man. and i am just fucking straight when i see his but goooooooooooooood his character is such a fucking asshole. his lines were amazing. they tried to save his character by showing his shitty dad but i need one big redemption arc before i completely appreciate Billy. For now i will grumpily admire his eyelashes and jawline.ALSO I TEARED UP WHEN WILL SAW ELEVEN THE FIRST TIME IN 353 DAYS. AND I AM JUST SO HAPPY THEY GOT TOGETHER IN THE END. It wasnt too fan service-y (unlike Jonathan and Nancy) and it was just so sweet and right when they finally were together.ACKKKK SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. and the shitty grammar.
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