#idk i think it's really healthy to have new experiences
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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:D
#I need to. APPRECIATION POST FOR MY BFF#who I love very much#and doesn’t have tumblr so I’ll gush here lol#I think the root of a lot of my problems with former friends boils down to them not having similar lived experiences as me#no idpol but tbh it does not lend them to having as much of a potential to really empathize with me and understand my individual struggles#to be quite frank it REALLY boils down to white friends with their white fragility and virtue signaling#who just cannot be bothered to do something with their privilege when the time comes for them to make a choice that impacts the rest of us#because suddenly they don’t want to rock the boat or get involved in an argument or ohhh it’s just so complicated and confusing :///#where did your punch a nazi energy go? all of your posturing and self proclaimactions of allyship were ultimately bullshit get over yourself#okay enough venting let’s get to the point: it is so refreshing beyond words to have another Indigiqueer who you can trust#and who can intimately fathom all of this frustration I have had to deal with…#I have always gotten on well with other first gen immigrants but that does not mean we have the same experiences beyond a surface level#we’re both autistic similar interests similar politics even similar experiences with wrestling historical/colonial identity#bff is even vegan and we always talk about cooking our precolonial dishes for one another since they are usually plant based :D#mutual and intense hatred of spain and france as colonial powers is cathartic too and idk just so interesting to see how it has left a mark#on both of our cultures in very similar ways despite being otherwise pretty different and an entire ocean away… sad that many things we have#in common are results of having the same colonizers… okay I said I wouldn’t VENT DAMN!!! anyway I feel understood completely#and it’s super AWESOME and we spend lots of time together every day and broo healthy communication and boundaries for once in my life!!!!#former friends could never holy shit… we can trust each other with anything and it’s so great and conversation is effortless stress free#bff feels the same way and tells me all the time it makes me so :D!!! also my bff is super smart and I’m always learning new things#I think I always missed out on the best friend experience bro let’s not even get into the first and only one prior… but THIS. yep this is it#the fact that we both already agreed on so many things and shared so many interests upon the first few conversations was unbelievable lucky#divine intervention or something because I never go out of my way to make friends and poof. new friend starts talking to me out of nowhere#I love my best friend!!! sorry if you’re a yt who truly puts in the effort but the bar has been drastically raised#I’m no longer settling for mediocre white people who look to me for validation get your ass out of here for REAL I’m SICK of y’all 💀💀💀💀💀#genuinely fuck you get out of my sight I do not have the patience any longer! btw any of my current white friends reading this ur cool dw 👍#if you weren’t cool you’d be gone long before this dissertation lol…#feeling so honored and thankful every day :) really really happy :D I hope everyone like me feeling isolated and alone right now finds#someone like this! mind blowing how I stayed sane in the past having been surrounded by unsavory characters sheesh…#ven talks
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"why does uncle tello's new body have scars?" this "will Sensei's new body still be missing his arm?" that, listen listen guys listen it has already been established that becoming a Vessel for a Hamato grants you a new character design sheet. sometimes you wake up with sweet new genius-trademarked digs, sometimes you just get to be healthy again but with reminders your souls survived some Shit*
(....and sometimes ur arm falls off. /j)
*wait wait but theres like the start of an idea there: like when a Hamato spirit possesses/shares a body with someone, they obviously do not change the person, but they can share knowledge, share power, share /themselves/, and this energy can be expressed through alterations in designs, alterations to reflect the additional presence within. 'you are not alone,' but like literally -- meanwhile, when a Hamato spirit is given an 'empty' body, the form is theirs entirely, it reflects them in the full way they understand themselves, not as a brand or a style or an influence, but as a full individual. So like, while the body already looked like Donnie prior to his spirit entering it due to the fact it was created w his DNA, when his spirit entered it it became really and truly an embodiment of /him/, all the life and experience that makes up the way he understands himself, scars included. (Not in an angsty way. Personally id imagine none of the future boys view their scars/injuries very negatively, at least not like their younger counterparts might. i feel like they were too busy with bigger issues and just staying alive to worry about being self-conscious or getting caught up in near-misses.)
idk if thats necessarily made much sense or was what you were thinking, but its a fun concept to dig into :D
YOU.
Are absolutely right💜
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sorry took a nap
OKAY I've always lost my mind a bit at New Gods on the Block, but I could never put my finger exactly on what it was. Specifically this scene.
First off, visually it's BRILLIANTLY laid out and dynamic, and I think that's a huge part of it, because it physicalizes the entire episode thesis.
It's about power dynamics.
We've talked about this before, but the kids have put Scrooge up on this towering pedestal. Della, who's been in their shoes before, spends the whole episode trying to get them to kick that image, because it's stupid, not healthy, whatever. But the point is, I think what's so intriguing about the adults in this episode is that they're ADULTS. Scrooge and Della have kicked the parent-kid dynamic for this one, the dust has settled, and they're on equal footing.
The episode lays that out as soon as they get home from their failed adventure. The kids are having their life crisis, we're worms, etc, and they have Della come in and de-mystify the scenario immediately. It's low stakes. Don't worry about it, look, here's the formula, it's happened before, it'll happen again.
So suddenly, she's coming in confidently and easily on the same plane as Scrooge. This is what happens, whatever. They're partners, she's not subservient or looking up to him. She spends the whole episode treating him like a peer, the adults and the kids, and she's pissed at him like a peer, so that when THIS scene comes around, you've got a great setup for a visual struggle, too.
There's all this discussion about an effective team, who's worthy, whatever, and the kids fall behind, and Della and Scrooge jump in. After all this talk about teamwork, a huge visual point is made about Scrooge and Della having silent, effective communication and team work, and I think the most important part is that Della goes first.
This whole episode is a conversation about power dynamics, and Scrooge being this god-king, and Della pulls him up.
Now, you've got a fight scene happening in a fight scene, while their primary activity is climbing. Again, everything in this episode has been about team work, and this climb is old-hat enough for them together to weave in and out and still have it out, and the timing is EVERYTHING.
Scrooge is critical of what they're doing, where are those kids, why aren't they helping, etc, and he's been placed higher than Della. Suddenly, though, when she turns it around on him:
She climbs above him. They talked in the artbook about how she used to be in the kids' shoes and knows what it's like to hinge her worth on his opinion, and now, she's knocking HIM down a peg.
Suddenly SHE'S in the position of power, where she's put herself, (and he's let her, long way from don't raise your voice at me) because pre-series, they (and Donald) were a team. That's the point that he has to take a look outside of himself and see that the kids aren't on the same page. He's thought of them as a team, but didn't vocalize it, didn't treat them fairly, etc, and the kids heard and that had consequences. He literally doesn't hear them, he's not listening, and it takes a smackdown from someone who's decided she's on the same plane to get through to him.
It's one of the few times Della's one of the adults and not one of the kids, and it's really brilliantly executed. It adds a lot of dynamic, and the implied history and experience together adds a really dynamic layer. She used to be Thee adventure team, and that's still true. Idk the silent teamwork got me.
Anyway, this episode is my fav and a lot more thought was put into this than it looks, thanks for coming to my ted talk.
#ducktales#ducktales 2017#scrooge mcduck#della duck#dt17#we were covering something in my storyboarding class and I was like OH. NEW GODS ON THE BLOCK
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Ghoul ghoul ghoul, idk if you've listened to the new Hozier song "too sweet" yet but I'm having some SEVERE brain wormies and I need them out before they consume me. It's just ugh- At first I was like- oh man, this is totally a Ghost song and it could still kinda be a Ghost song. But then Hozier himself dropped from the clouds and slammed my head into the radio and that's when I realized, this isn't a Ghost song. No no. This is a Price song. I could see this as him rejecting a much younger person.
He likes you, he does. You're this sweet, young thing who's just fallen head over heels and he's flattered. Really! But... you're too young. Too sweet. Maybe one day when you've grown up a bit more, gotten some more life experience or maybe never. In truth, you may never be bitter enough for him. He needs someone that's aged like him, someone who can match his stride. Just AHHHHHHH it's so Price coded I swear I'm gonna cry.
- 🦈 anon
OK FIRST OF ALL
All day baby, we're on 48 hour Unreal Unearth Unheard lockdown. I'm studying these songs like I'm a gonna write a thesis on them. "Too Sweet" is a Ghost song baby, but it can apply to Price as well. Here's my interpretation of it. I was going to include how it relates to the boys but uh... this got long...
I don't think it's about a younger partner at all, I also see this as a song more about the narrator than the subject...
Diving in with Verse 1
It can't be said I'm an early bird
It's 10 o'clock before I say a word
Baby, I can never tell
How do you sleep so well?
You keep tellin' me to live right
To go to bed before the daylight
But then you wake up for the sunrise
You know you don't gotta pretend
Baby, now and then
Our subject is a morning person, they're up early while the narrator is sleeping in. The narrator clearly doesn't sleep well, for one reason or another, they even ask how the subject sleeps so well. But then we get this line that defines the whole song.
"You keep tellin' me to live right"
The subject isn't just an early bird, they're the sort of person who sees this as a health issue. They go to bed, sleep well, and wake up with the sunrise to enjoy the day. By contrast the narrator goes to bed in the wee hours of the morning and is clearly living a life that isn't healthy in the subjects eyes.
But the narrator also doesn't believe that the subject is truly the healthy person they "pretend" to be.
[Pre-Chorus]
Don't you just wanna wake up
Dark as a lake
Smellin' like a bonfire
Lost in a haze?
If you're drunk on life, babe
I think it's great
But while in this world
Here the narrator describes his nights spend out in the darkness partying. Lost in a haze of booze or drugs, he says it's great that the subject is "drunk on life" but he'd prefer to get "lost in a haze." He questions why the subject wouldn't want to join him in this lifestyle, we go into the chorus with the understanding that the narrator is "enjoying" life through his unhealthy habits.
[Chorus]
I think I'll take my whiskey neat
My coffee black and my bed at three
You're too sweet for me
You're too sweet for me
I take my whiskеy neat
My coffee black and my bed at three
You're too sweet for mе
You're too sweet for me
He takes his whiskey neat, which gives this wonderful impression of masculinity and sounds very clean, but in reality he may as well be pulling straight from the bottle. Whiskey neat just means no ice, no nothing to distill the liquor down. Then he takes his coffee black, again we get this sort of rich bitterness, but he contrasts it, he drinks it in his bed at 3. There's no good 3 at which he's drinking black coffee, pm or am.
The narrator lives his life in bitterness, in unhealthy habits. Of course his subject is "too sweet" for him, they're healthy and seem happy. In contrast the narrator doesn't seem happy so much as he feels pre-destined to this life. He doesn't want to change his habits because this life feels almost deserving to him. He's lost in the haze, he's taking pulls straight from the bottle and waking up late in the day only to do it all over again.
[Verse 2]
I aim low
I aim true, and the ground's where I go
I work late where I'm free from the phone
And the job gets done
But you worry some, I know
But who wants to live forever, babe?
You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate
The rest of you like you're the TSA
I wish that I could go along
Babe, don't get me wrong
Oof verse 2. This is where I think we really see where the narrator sees their lives diverging. "The ground's where I go" his life is going downhill, he's headed for an early grave, but he can't divert the arrow. He is forced to lower his aim because this is the cycle. Hozier himself said this song was meant for the circle of gluttony, and I hear it. The idea that his consumption, his over consumption is going to kill him one day.
And he tries to justify it! "I work late... the job gets done" he's away from his phone, the subject can't reach him, healthy habits can't reach him. But he deserves to let loose, because he's getting the job done. He sees this as a freedom, as a reward, and yet he knows it worries the subject, but by his own words "who wants to live forever"? If he's already destined for the grave why shouldn't he enjoy it?
Contrasted again by the subject. "You treat your mouth as if it's heaven's gate" he sees the subject as preachy, they keep trying to offer him salvation he doesn't want, and the words hit him as almost fictitious. He's so deep in the hole that even the hand held out to him seems like it's coming from heaven, so far is he from his baby. "The rest of you like it's the TSA" regimented, the subject has rules that they follow dutifully, they have a routine, they're strict with what they let through their filters. And the narrator wishes he could go along with it! He admires it, but for one reason or another he can't.
[Pre-Chorus]
You know you're bright as the morning
As soft as the rain
Pretty as a vine
As sweet as a grape
If you can sit in a barrel
Maybe I'll wait
Until that day
Ok this is the part I think makes people imagine it's about a younger person. The lines "If you can sit in a barrel/ Maybe I'll wait" people think is about aging, but I disagree. I think it's about embittering the subject. Grapes are sweet, wine is dry and bitter, it's hot in the blood. The narrator is saying that if the subject can grow to be as bitter (and alcoholic) as he is then maybe he'd be able to stick to them.
BUT in the background going to the chorus we hear church bells, we hear wedding bells. The narrator is vividly in love with the subject even though they're such opposites. I think he wants the subject to save him, but he can't find the strength to ask. He's telling them that he loves them, they're all these wonderful opposites to him, but they don't understand his bitterness for one reason or another. He can imagine a future with them, he can hear the wedding bells, but he can't stop pushing them away. He knows they're right, knows they're good for him, but he's not ready to be saved yet.
[Chorus]
I'd rather take my whiskey neat
My coffee black and my bed at three
You're too sweet for me
You're too sweet for me
I take my whiskey neat
My coffee black and my bed at three
You're too sweet for me
You're too sweet for me
This last chorus really seals it for me. It's so powerfully sung, again the narrator is justifying his lifestyle to the subject, but it's more desperate. He's trying to convince himself as much as them. The wedding bells ring, the narrator pushes this too sweet person away because he knows he's bad for them. He wants to make them bitter, he wants to make them more like himself instead of changing his habits, and he knows that's wrong. It's a declaration, "You're too sweet for me" find someone else, find someone that doesn't drink from the bottle, that can wake up with you and go to bed with you, find someone that doesn't want to ruin you the way I do.
I think the fact that the bells ring all the way through the end of the last chorus lines signals that the subject sticks around, that they're determined to help the narrator, and finally when the song ends (rather abruptly) the narrator gives in. His life of debauchery ends, and that pretty thing, soft as the rain, is no longer too sweet for him.
#ghoul speaks#hozier#hozier analysis#unreal unearth#ghoul's hozier bullshit#ghoul's pretentious hozier bullshit#I think that's the tag lol
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like i have such conflicting feelings about the pathologizing of mental illness nowadays and the culture it creates. i think the need to have ones dx, at least in my case, was driven by a fundamental urge for validation that what i’m feeling isn't just a phase or something that will sort itself out. i think women especially have had our pain and struggles so minimized, i had lows wishing i just had a broken leg so others could at least see my pain. i clung to my dx and feet like waving it to the world shouting its not just in my head!! i’m not just lazy!!
in some ways getting the dx is like getting a pedigree for your fucked up brain. like this isnt some backyard bred tiktok adhd, this is PUREBRED adhd with the papers to prove it!!! all these women like myself who were looking for a voice and affirmation through dx to prove they “aren’t just one of those girls who’s too sensitive and googled their symptoms”, but now that’s also created its own trope of “overdiagnosed girl in her 20s” and there’s a whole new stereotype to mock and invalidate. there’s just no winning, it really feels like our pain will never get taken seriously by society to matter which route we take to get heard we are dismissed.
but of course these slips of paper become vital if you need any assistance or accommodations, so they are incredibly beneficial to have.
my issue is the more i reflect, the more i do feel like many emotional disturbances or brain funkiness ESPECIALLY depression and anxiety are the result of, or at least become more aggravated, by unluckiness in your childhood relationships and the narrative we created about it. turns out you don’t need to be textbook abused to have adverse experiences, and a failure to have a healthy secure relationship to your primary caregiver fucks with you for life but nobody wants to talk about that. i do think we live in a society here in canada where parental rights to parent how their want is overstepping on the child’s right to have the healthiest possible environment to be raised in. i had spent years reading about the lifelong effects of parental deprivation or bad socialization in dogs and parrots before reading about it in humans, and i think we forget how much humans are also animals.
but the thing is you can work on relationships, you can begin to process trauma. when i tell myself “i’m a person with anxiety” it feels really loaded with a sense of finality that i will always live this way.. the more i use that language the more futile it feels about ever improving, when so often depression and anxiety are the result of deeper unresolved issues. I see so many people with phobias or fears resign to living painful lives than trying to work on any exposure or processing their fears. i’d still be miserable if i never worked through my intense fears of intimacy, i was perfectly resigned to a life of being alone and thought i was content with that.
turns out growing up with trauma can cause the same unfocused and disorganized presentation as clinical adhd.i’ll admit i didn’t like learning that one, as adhd already has so many deniers my kneejerk response was anger at my adhd being invalidated. but i think a lot of adhd people fall somewhere in between that venn diagram, and rejecting a traumagenic theory for some people’s symptoms means they will be prescribed the wrong treatment plan. and this is why all treatment plans put emphasis on talk therapy just as much as pharmacological intervention.
obviously some things aren’t the result of your childhood! your mom yelling at you doesn’t cause autism, but chances are if you’re autistic and had cruddy support you’ll face more adversities and mental health struggles than a good supportive environment. similarly, you could’ve grown up with all the love and support to thrive but one day your thyroid decides it’s time to make you feel like roadkill.
idk, what i’m trying to say is don’t corner yourself or resign from living life because of your mental health dx or think that you’ll never get better because you “have” this, chances are there’s always room to feel better. the most hurtful thing is our inner voice if it’s internalized negative language, and there’s exercises you can practice to drill more positive or at least neutral nonjudgemental language into your inner critic. because even if you have something that will never be cured, the way we talk to ourselves about it is a variable we have some power over.
the narrative part experiencing trauma is uniquely human. some people will experience horrible things and internalize the negativity or self blame, but resilient people have better prognosis because they have ability to frame things in a narrative that don’t assign self blame, and critiques the behaviour instead of the self. because so many complications and struggles arise out of kicking ourselves when we’re down. but the thing is this usually can’t happen on its own, we need to see this modeled by the people around us. but thankfully if we missed the boat, we CAN retrain that voice
anyway that’s my musings from my perspective. for anyone curious here’s a lecture that really resonated with me, its got some hard hitting truths i didn’t want to hear but sometimes you gotta hear things that make you uncomfortable
#mental health#maybe you feel like none of this applies to you and thats ok!#im speaking for my own experiences
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Would you say AA has this sense of thinking he /needs/ to be like Cazador, because that's "what works" and what's "safe"? Like this is who he has to be, and nothing else is viable? That's how I interpreted AA's masking (especially during his sex scene, it seems very insincere and more like what he thinks he needs to be than what he wants) and I can't really make it work with Neil's statements honestly.
I also think he's very much capable of cruelty but the way AA acts is something else entirely to me because it's so goofily a Stereotypical Cartoon Villain Big Bad Sexy Vampire which doesn't really come across as honest in the way, let's say, Gortash's antics seem honest from what we know of the character. Maybe I'm misinterpreting what masking means, idk. I'm definitely not saying it's not honest that he wants to do all that power-hungry shit and that he's secretly a pure tortured soul because that's a lame ass reading that contradicts canon but everything about how he carries himself is so uncanny and all those underlying themes of being really fucking afraid and unable to face what happened/running away from it don't lead me to believe he's living an authentic life, more like he's trapped inside himself.
I don't really see how this contradicts anything Neil said. He never says AA is Astarion's most authentic self at all, or even that he's healthy and confident, only that he stops masking with theatrical deflections.
You also have to account for the supernatural element here too. In dnd lore, most true vampires basically succumb to personality rot and become paranoid and obsessive scheming freaks. I know the 'vampire ascendant' is a new thing and bg3 plays with the lore a bit more but considering this is alluded to by Astarion AND Cazador and heavily reflected in AAs behavior, I'm willing to believe that the vampire ascendant is literally just that but on steroids. Hence the cartoonish behavior lol
Astarion's a complex character. A lot of his arc is a question about how trauma can shape a person and what remains (if anything) after they've gone through something inconceivable, and if they can move past it and reclaim an identity for themself. I don't think it's a coincidence that his background is mostly vague and we don't actually know the kind of person he was before he was turned (unlike *those* fans, I also don't believe 'corrupt magistrate' means he was 'always destined to be evil' or some nonsense like that.) So much of his character is informed by the choices made in the game and how the experiences shape his worldview. He's by far the most dynamic character in the game and people want there to be a simple answer to his character (whether that be 'he's a poor uwu baby who did nothing wrong' or 'he's always been irredeemably evil and is incapable of change') when the reality is there just isn't one.
All this to say, same as what I've been saying from the beginning, both endings for him serve a purpose. They're two sides of the same coin for his character. They are both true to Astarion and his development and they're meant to contrast in ways that make you think deeper about him and his story. They absolutely cannot be taken in a vacuum and I am just so annoyed with people not engaging with the story on this level and wanting there to be simple moral platitudes to everything because they're uncomfortable with complexity.
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Do you have any loveless/heartless characters? I think they're real neat <3
this post got superrr long lol. im avoiding my homework <3
so this is a complicated ask for me because my definition of "love" is intentionally different from a lot of more mainstream conceptions of it. love isn't a feeling to me, it's something you DO for people you care about, right? you make someone feel loved by doing things that show you care. you putting in that effort and correcting your behavior for their sake is love.
so in that way i don't consider any of my characters loveless. because to me Love is something you chose to do so nobody can really be loveless inherently, they're just choosing not to act loving towards someone.
HOWEVER, from what i've gleamed from a quick google search about loveless aros, it doesn't necessarily seem that being loveless is exclusive to my definition of love?
like, i'm seeing loveless aros talk about not having those kinds of feelings or doubting/opting out of western ideas of love that don't fit them. some talk about not forming that kind of "deep emotional bond" though I'm confused if they mean like.. in general, or just romantically. cuz i've never had a deep romantic bond but i've never really considered that an indictment of Love Itself so much as a type of love that I'm just not a part of.
some people are describing it as specifically romantic love that they know they can't feel. but then again some people are just using it to mean they reject "love" as a label for their emotions/experiences, so like. idk.
it feels like im on the exact same page as a lot of these people it's just that their conclusion was to throw out the word love and mine was to not accept the premise that romantic love is the highest or most important kind of love and focus on, like, other forms of love that are important to me. like my siblings and friends.
soooo i can't say any of them are loveless for sure, cuz i don't identify that way and i'm not sure i grok it yet.
HOWEVER,
I do have aromantic characters, if that's what you mean. though a lot of them are in weird psychosexual situations with each other (just cuz i dont wanna have sex doesnt mean its not fun for my characters to), though there's one or two healthy QPRs thrown in there.
tbh my understanding (or lack thereof) of romance seeps into all of my characters so even the ones who are supposedly in love are doing it with hints of aromanticism cuz like. i dont care what a crush is, yknow? there's only so far romantic tropes can take me before i tap out and just do my own thing.
but as for like canonically aro characters i've got Hondo & quinn, dotty, toasty, Thomas (you guys don't know Thomas yet lol she's a peach), Ezra and Pet (pet is a weird monster tho and Ezra is sort of dead so idk if that counts), Misha Mistaka, Pasiflora, and probably my new one, Benbeck.
I also consider Groe aroace but that's like, a whole thing. cuz Groe is mostly known for having been married to Maureno (one of my characters i explicitly consider allosexual, if not alloromantic) and their relationship takes front and center at every point sfsdf.
because even when i dont see it as romantic i LOVE to make characters lives intertwined and dependent on each other. due to my own personal issues. to be honest i dont think groe and maureno are "in love" i just think they're inextricable dependent on each other. i think their "romance" is an inherently aromantic one because it's not about romantic feelings its about their friendship and trust, which includes kissing and sex sometimes but isn't diminished when they don't do those things.
I don't think Groe feels romantic feelings but i get that two characters who ostensibly have their weird fucked up "romance" be the core thing going on in their life isn't exactly the aromantic rep that ppl are looking for. i mean, it is for ME, but not for everyone.
i guess im just not Good Aro rep tho, cuz im not interested in romance but i AM interested in finding a person who i know I can depend on for everything and share my life with, yknow? i want someone who i know will always be on my side.
and that looks the same to a lot of poeple as romance but the experience of it was way different. cuz i can be with them forever and never want to do more than kiss their forehead as a sign of affection and that'd be great for me, while i KNOW that's unthinkable for a lot of people.
but when writing my characters it's hard to really portray that internal difference. so i think ppl just assume it's romance, and like, that's fine i guess?
so like, groe and maureno fuck cuz it's fun and cuz they have unresolved issues but it's not crucial or even really important to their relationship- to the point that they care WAY more about who each other is hanging out with than who each other is having sex with.
but now i'm rambling about asexuality and stuff.. uhhh the point is YES i have aromantic characters NO I dont know if they're "loveless"
but if a character isn't aromantic or at least aspec that's probably cuz i made a concerted effort to think of them as such.
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hi there! i'm new to your page so idk if you do this, but i was wondering if you had any headcanons about friendship between ludwig and alfred? thank you!! :)
Oh I do indeed, Anon! I just hope I haven't left answering this too long for you to find ;u;
I think that the friendship between Alfred and Ludwig is a strange one. On the surface, it should work! They're both young, powerful new nations, both raised by far older family members who were contemporaries together, and both feel somewhat estranged to them because of it
Arthur and Gilbert, long time friends, companions, and thorns in each other's side, had very similar childhoods and experiences to the rest of Europe. Very self sufficient individuals, they raised themselves and had to fight for even the clothes on their back and they trust slowly. They're and very strict on themselves and others and have more baggage than is healthy. They then raised younger children in a similar time period, Alfred older but Ludwig still not modern, and as parents they will have had similar struggles. Alfred and Ludwig will each have loads of stories of their bumbling older sibling/ parent clashing with modern life.
Alfred and Ludwig as friends then really should work. New men against older ones, new ideas and fresh blood with dreams of being something better. But, I think although they have a lot of foundational stuff in common and have similar positions in the world, there is one huge thing that comes between them
Alfred is the new world. Alfred has grown up under old world principles and is leading the charge of the new way of things, pushing away old constraints and traditions to make his own, but Ludwig? Ludwig is surrounded by the old world, and desperately tries to blend in. Ludwig wants those traditions, Ludwig envies the old familiarity and intimacy of his European counterparts, sees it every day, and feels very much like an imposter around them. At the core of himself, he knows that they don't see him as on their level in some unspoken, undefinable way, and despite the age of the culture that he wears Ludwig wears it like an baggy old coat- small boy in big shoes to fill, a child trying to age up to the man-shaped role Gilbert held in their part of the world.
Alfred however knows who he is. Alfred is proud of his difference to Europe and compares himself to the rest of the Americas, as part of the new age of man. Ludwig doesn't have this. He is surrounded by ancient ghosts, by the silent looks and nods to in jokes and memories that he doesn't share and he tries his best to be one of them. And this difference between the two of them is jarring. Ludwig both envies Alfred and resents him, whilst also looking down on him, believing himself to be different- to be of the Old World that Alfred so proudly denies
In short, despite being younger by far, Ludwig feels and acts far older. Alfred finds him stiff and awkward, and Ludwig finds Alfred far too carefree and arrogant and, although they can get along when Ludwig relaxes and Alfred empathises, they don't naturally come together
#hws america#aph america#hws germany#aph germany#hetalia#hws#aph#hetalia headcanons#heroes headcanons#thank you for the ask anon!
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I read the tags on the ROTTMNT villains reblog, do you have more any scenarios and ideas for the villians? ANYTHING will do, they’re so fun and intriguing but the fandom overlooks them constantly.
Oh, I'm so glad you asked!!! I love the villains sooo much that I'm making an Ask blog revolving around them opening a bar lmao. I'm happy to see others who are invested.
Headcanons
Repo Mantis
I feel he was the first to be mutated with normal he acts like he gives no shit he's a mutant and we see him deal with humans. In my AU it's due to the fact he was mutated years before ROTTMNTs start. I mean he is not weirded out by the boys, he clearly knows Yokai exists. I have it set so he started doing work in the Hidden City and Draxum saw a nice unmutated human to experiment on and bam mantis man.
Repos trans too, idk man he's my favorite outside of Todd and you know? He's like me frfr. Repo def doesn't strike me as a top surgery guy, but also I feel his mutation helped his dysphoria a LOT because like I mean I've felt that.
Man is also very obsessed with his hair, and uses a lot of products. Doesn't care he's greying but he DOES care how healthy it is.
Repo can and will do drag. (Warren helps with his makeup and wig due to his claws getting in the way)
Hypno
Here's a lil angst one.
Hypno doesn't realize he fused with Doug. I can't remember the episode name, but it's the one in the botanical gardens where we get the flower mutant. We see that humans can literally be fused with plant life and possibly animal life. Also since we know Hypno wants to bring Doug back to life, hes passed away. Given that Doug was Hypnos hippo, and was most likely with him when he was bit, he doesn't realize he's been fused with his buddy.
He just knows his buddy is gone and he'll never see him again. That or he fully knows but is in denial. Warren buys him merch based on Doug as a way to make him feel better, since he's not the greatest at comforting people.
and some non angst headcanons
Hypno doesn't really have a label. He knows he's queer but doesn't care to label himself. He likes who he likes, and that's all that matters.
Hypno does drag a lot!!!! He LOVES doing drag! It's fun for him, and how he expresses himself!
A lil senario thing
Imagine that Repo was actually a fan of Warren Stone as an anchorman, imagine he enjoyed his jokes and commentary. Repos devastated he went missing, and genuinely invested in keeping up with anyone trying to find him. When he discovers his favorite anchors alive and not dead he's thrilled.
Due to the fact we know everyone Warren knew pre-mutation abandoned him he doesn't trust Repo, not at first. After all Hypnos is the only one who takes him seriously or seems to give a shit about him especially after he bungled everything with April. (He feels guilty about that gauntlet situation I will die on this hill.) So naturally he doesn't believe Repo at first. Repos pretty hurt, but man he gets it. These changes are big but he promises he's a fan and even knows other fans too.
Repo ends up taking Warren and Hypno to meet the others, sure they met when Draxum "hired" them but it was just a job and they didn't really to much time to talk after they got into action. I like to think Warrens was genuinely touched to see he has a fan base. I'm fully convinced post Warren and Hypno Sitting in a Tree Todd got Warrent a job as a Hidden City news anchor. Sure it's not what he had, but it IS something, and these yokai? They love him even if he's a worm-
#rottmnt#tmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt warren stone#warren stone#rottmnt hypno#rottmnt repo mantis#repo mantis#hypno potamus#head canons#THANK U FOR ASKING FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING#i have headcanons for warren hypno mantis todd ghost bear and meat sweats mainly#however im tempted to steal#the sando brothers too lmao#theres so little on ben and carl i can snatch them as my own
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I want to watch TTOTM but from what I've been seeing around on tumblr and twitter, it seems a very lopsided romance, the ML is a lot more in love than the fl and while in the novel his actions are atrocious in the drama that's not the case, idk I'm hesitating on whether to watch it although I love a good xianxia story but I like my romances epic with 2 people fighting for each other against the world ala LBFAD, TTJ just seems pathetic doing everything for someone who never affords him the same
It's a little hard to answer since the show is still airing and a new arc is starting. As of right now, it is not really like LBFAD at all.
Without spoiling too much:
Tantai Jin IS pathetic - he is meant to be. Li Susu looks like she does not love him but she also cannot let herself love him. Tantai Jin and Li Susu both love each other very much. However, their first life/meeting was forever doomed because of their personal traumas and their lack of trust and communication. At no point is their relationship as TTJ and YXW remotely healthy.
It's going to depend where this next arc goes for the two of them. I can see it wind up being them vs the world (I've not read the book so pure speculation on my part). I do think that TTJ will grow as a more rounded person and have a healthier version of love.
Still, I have very little experience with xianxia as my only other one is LBFAD so I don't really know what some of the tropes are etc.
Not sure if that helps but I will say that with the exception of one arc that went on too long, I am enjoying it.
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i’ve been on this new account for a bit so here’s my motivation for reaching my gw:
•skinny thighs that look good in any sort of skirt or pants and that don’t rub together and chafe in the summertime
•feeling cleaner
•having people notice the change
•have people treat me nicer
•more attention from friends and family
•instead of my relatives commenting on how much i’m eating, they will comment on how skinny i’m looking
•i won’t ever be afraid to meet someone new in fear that their fist impression of me is that i’m fat. Instead, they’ll think “wow this girl is super pretty AND funny?”
•being the tiny friend for once in my life
•being able to finally fit the aesthetic that I want
•being able to finally take cute instagram pics
•less scared to post on social media
•i perform in musical theater, so i won’t have to worry about costumes looking bad on me
•no matter what angle someone takes a pic of me, it’ll look good
•applying my makeup will be easier because i won’t feel like i’m putting lipstick on a pig
•i will be more confident and therefore more sociable and happy (i know this from previous weight loss experience)
• dress shopping for formal events will actually be fun and not humiliating
•if the subject of weight ever comes up, i don’t have to be afraid of saying my weight out loud because i’ll be proud of it
•revenge on all the girls that called me fat
•less area to shave, apply lotion on, apply sunscreen on, and less area to wash.
•i overall won’t feel like a giant and like i’m taking up so much space whether it’s on chairs, couches, in a cramped room, etc. (i’m really tall and being tall and fat is like the worst combo because i just feel like an ogre)
• opening tumblr and not feeling guilty but instead feeling accomplished
•old teachers/ students from school looking at me and going “omg i didn’t even recognize you!” (i have had this happen before and it’s the best feeling in the world)
•sitting on my bf’s lap without feeling like i’m crushing him (as much as he claims he likes it i don’t like feeling fat)
•i’m getting older and when i get married i want my husband to be able to bridal carry me
•^^ also wedding dress NEEDS to look good on me or the wedding is cancelled
•i honestly grew up fat (before i lost a ton of weight and then gained it all back 🙄) and i really don’t want to spend the rest of my life chubby or midsized or fat. I just wanna enjoy the slim life.
•i’m very very focused on my looks and I really like when I look good.
•I want a slim face with the sunken-in look and hood cheekbones
•basically any clothes would be oversized
•most of my social anxiety would go away because I wouldn’t be focused on people thinking i’m fat
• i could share clothes with my sister (she’s super tall and skinny and has adorable clothes)
•impress my boyfriend’s family and HIS relatives (best feeling)
• i know this might sound odd but when i lost weight the first time my feet?? got smaller??? and so did my nose???? and my boobs??? all things that i would love to shrink.
•no more flabby arms that I have to hide under a cardigan or sweatshirt
•I was really athletic when i lost a bunch of weight the first time???? and i never worked out for it or did it in a healthy way so idk why i was all of a sudden super athletic but I was
•i always dreamed of being an ice skater and they’re so weightless and thin and beautiful
•halloween costumes could be so much better on my thin body instead of finding one that covers up the most fat
•prom dress looks good (i’m graduated by my bf is a senior this year and he’s taking me to prom)
• i was just more likable when i was skinny. Idk how to describe it
•believe it or not, people talk about you more when you lose weight. I was a total nobody in high school until i lost weight and then people who i didn’t even know we’re like talking about me in good ways and saying good things about me
•more friends. I know that friendship is mostly about the personality, but there are so many bitchy skinny girls with like 100 friends that all go out and do stuff together and even if they’re fake friends they’re better than no friends 🥲
• christmas and winter season in general
•imagine wearing an oversized outfit in the summer time and then whipping out the absolute perfect bikini body? goals.
that’s all for now, but i’m sure i’ll think of some more!
#an0#an0r3c1a#an0rec1a#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#wl#4norexi4#disordered eating thoughts#th!n$po#th1nsp1ration
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3/25/24
I feel like I was this close to losing Tobias tonight..
I feel an immense amount of guilt.
I have kept mama Moony’s three girls from choking by feeding them a completely different diet then I normally would and I’m looking into making my own food, but my other girls and the boys have been eating the good old Ox bow kibbles.
I didn’t think that the problem was the brand of food I was getting, because it was only certain rats that were choking and not all of them. Idk it’s hard to explain in detail.
Tonight I ran out of food and realizing I had some other food that had been left over and was still in the airtight container I figured I would give that to them because Moony’s three daughters had previously choked on it but no one else did so I thought it was still fine for my other rats.. well I was wrong.
Tobias july choked on that same kibble tonight!
As soon as I saw I took all of it out of every cage I had put it in and returned to Tobias to see how I might be able to help him, it was absolutely horrific.. at first he was choking like my other rats were so my plan was to sit next to him and talk kindly and keep calm and watch him as he went through this, but then everything changed and I’m telling you I thought he was going to choke to death in my hands tonight, he was pale and there was stuff coming out of his nose and he started to tint purple, I attempted to help him an hoped that gravity would be on my side. This entire situation was horrendous and so incredibly scary. My love and I felt helpless, I could not see the object in his mouth and he wasn’t drooling the way my other rats have when they have choked and the amount of energy he was using to try and dislodge this food was scary, it felt like a last effort level of energy, then he was limp and he pooped and he was pale and I was crying and hoping I could help him.
I didn’t give up and after a lot of hard work I managed to help him.
As I held him in my hands upside down and forcefully patting his back, he started to chew and it became clear he had the ability to breathe a bit better again, his ears gained a bit of pink and he looked at me, he looked right at me and walked right up to my face and licked me and got as close to my face as he could, my love was standing next to me and said, “you just saved his life” it was a surreal moment, my rat and I had an understanding of how scary that truly was for both of us.
He is in a small cage with water and fresh blankets.
I am asking you all, if you could thank the universe for letting him live on to experience more of this beautiful world and if you could just think some really good thoughts for my boy Tobias July.
I am so thankful, as I cry laying in bed. I Am so thankful he is still with us.
Omg.
And I am throwing that food out and getting new food tomorrow. I am also going to start researching how I can make my own food and what that would take.
I am truly taken back by how many times my rats have choked just in one year.. I have never even heard of this happening to someone, even having one rat choke is crazy but having to go through multiple choking and for them to go through that!? It’s terrifying and there has to be a way to keep them healthy and safe.
😭 my sweet boy
#triggering content#pet choking#honeycombhank#almost a pet death#close to death#choking#scary stuff#terrifying#rat food#Tobias July#how can this be possible#crying#trigger warning#dumbo rats#rats of tumblr#my rats#ratblr#how can this be real
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I lovvvve thinking about dtk and black star like way past the manga (assuming black star is immortal here via him becoming a god out of sheer force of will) dealing with immortality and losing their friends it’s so fascinating to me (statements said by the truly deranged)…. Rotating it in my mind… Incomprehensible rambling under the read more
I think that like objectively kid would probably be the most prepared for it given he’s a literal death god but it would still be painful. He’s not really human but he had the very human experience of growing up with a tight group of friends and now has to deal with the very human emotion of grief and figure out how to navigate that. I feel like he would (shockingly) have a pretty healthy response after a few years of grieving because unlike with his dad he would actually get closure here. Idk if he would ever get another weapon partner again though like he would probably at least use whatever high ranking weapon at dwma was closest on the very rare chance he needed one but nobody could ever replace the thompsons. I feel like he would also just have little reminders of his friends everywhere just to keep them in his memory.
I see a lot of people saying he would withdraw completely and distance himself from humanity but like… I don’t think he would ever do that the thing about kid that really differentiated him from his dad was he was raised with humans and interacted with them frequently which fostered a connection that lord death didn’t really have. He in general has such a love for humanity and people I feel like he would be very involved at the dwma with the students and faculty. Lord death was kinda like… he Liked humans but he still viewed himself as something else first and foremost. Kicking the can of worms that was asura down the road for later never telling anyone anything because it’s a god problem not a problem for humans. He made zero effort to talk to the witches as well because he kinda just went “well they’re all evil and that’ll never change” & never confronted that belief. As opposed to dtk who went to the witches to help and put all his faith in his friends and relied on them heavily. He Likes People… He still would want to talk to the humans around him and help them. I cannot see him doing what his dad did and just locking himself in the death room forever and ever. Nothing will replace his friends but that doesn’t mean he can’t make new friends.
Black star however I think would handle it poorly for a long time I don’t think he knows what healthy coping mechanisms are. He’s very all or nothing. Only deals in extremes. Stuck in the anger stage of grief for a long time. I think he would fuck off into the wilderness for like 5 years and stew into his depression before eventually coming back to dwma like a sad wet cat. Kid knew where he was the entire time but knew he needed space so he just let him be. (Dtk voice) oh good you’re back (genuine) you are going to therapy if even if I have to drag you there myself & if you ever disappear like that again I will make you do paperwork for years (threatening). I think he would to some extent become as distanced as lord death was just because he doesn’t want to go through that again. Friendly with all the people around him but never really going past a surface level of knowing them. Also he would absolutely never get another weapon partner he would just pull a mifune and use a real non magic boring sword. Eventually gets better about the distance thing because kid mandated therapy if he wanted to keep doing missions. He kinda becomes the go to guy at dwma for dangerous missions because he thinks they’re fun and he enjoys bragging about it. Maybe trains some students on the side and makes suggestions about the curriculum. He gets absolutely no say in the day to day operations of the dwma though he would burn it to the ground. Black star lies and tells students he’s the second cooler death god. (BS voice) who cares about that stuffy guy who does boring paperwork all day you guys should be worshipping ME (dtk voice) that is because he does not know how to do paperwork. he just submits his autograph.
I ultimately think they would support each other and rely on each other because they’re friends first and foremost but also because they’re kinda the only ones who get what it’s like. They both keep the memory of their friends alive and it’s nice to have someone else who remembers them. Insert the panels of black star saying he wants to bring about a balanced world with kid or whatever he said during their rematch. Sharing the burden of both grief and also keeping the world’s balance in check. Excalibur also gets it but he and black star cannot be in the same room for more then 10 minutes before black star starts trying (and failing) to violently murder him.
As a side note I think dtk and Excalibur would become… not friends. But Excalibur was close to his dad and seems to feel some degree of responsibility over kid because of it. Functions as the annoying pop up window that tells kid to take a break and occasionally gives good advice when he isn’t acting Like That. Dtk forgives black star for ghosting him for 5 years but will never forgive being forced to spend 5 years with Excalibur by himself & so every time Excalibur comes by kid redirects him to black star like “black star was just telling me the other day he couldn’t remember your legend you should go remind him :)”
#soul eater#not very well articulated because I’m tired but I wanted it out of my head#u can interpret this as romantic or platonic I really don’t care I just like their dynamic#i have thoughts on kidstar in the romantic sense that I can share if asked but I think solely looking at a dynamic thru that lens makes you#miss things. I just like looking at canon and playing with it like it’s a sand box.#also skirting around the details of actual character death because thinking about it makes me too sad.
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Frank James Lampard OBE 👀
ougughgh, you whipped out the order of the british empire? 🫡 😳 maybe i was wrong to judge them teaboos back in the superwholock days (that's a JOKE)
@protect-daniel-james i'll respond here but i might use your ask to post some more Photos cause i'm not sure how to pick just one photo of the Long Eyelashed Tragedy
favorite thing about them: uhhh...so much? he gets me right in the FEELS, man. he tells on himself constantly and seems to be completely unaware. sadboi footballer with pretty dead eyes who loves to Read and took a little notebook with him on the team bus. the intersection of having it easy/privileged childhood & traumatic things that shouldn't have happened--i relate. exhilarating to watch his old performances and he seems like he'd be fun to have a conversation with. fascinating to analyze, this all feels sort of reductive...i'm very Fond of him and some of it is hard to put into words, but i feel very "what's not to love?" about him lol. and he has such a Narrative. he's very easy to write about though it probably doesn't turn out well at all (sounds great and deep in my head though)
also i find a lot of footballers hot but don't really experience significant attraction to them but he is an exception you know what i'm just going to end this here
least favorite thing about them: he lost weight after everton BOO HISS
favorite line: omg, frank james lampard OBE is funny because he's often so intelligent and articulate and then just whips out the WEIRDEST/most cringe thing out of nowhere. some examples:
-his "fight" with klopp on the touchline
THIS wtfery:
these BANGERS:
this classic example of childhood trauma "too old when you're young and too young when you're old" (what some ppl would call "entitled male athlete" but like..i know better than that lol). it's also just patently RIDICULOUS he was like 36...bolding is mine for the classic lines
But it was while on a night out in Manchester during pre-season that the ex-West Hamer star showed his new American team-mates exactly how ex-Premier League stars like to party.
Columbus Crew centre-back Josh Williams was with NYCFC at the time and he told the story to the Athletic.
...“This place is packed, multiple levels. And as soon as we walk in, you could see everybody recognise Frank. And it’s just me, my teammate and Frank and all the energy is just on him.
"He picks up a bottle, this huge bottle of Grey Goose, picks it up, opens it, just starts downing it. Passes it to me and goes, ‘Boys, we’re not putting this down until it’s fucking gone.’”
The trio passed the bottle around three times when the rest of NYCFC showed up.
After about an hour in the club, Lampard approached Williams and asked him about 'that game you Americans play where you throw the little balls — he’s talking about beer pong.'
ok let's see...
brotp: random one but i recently learned that he and ian wright are friends? and i just love that so much both as a gooner and a person. wrighty complements him well and is very...respectful lol. if we consider lamperry to be only one-sided romantic, then definitely lamperry
notp: franko x steven gerrard...there's only One situation in which i've enjoyed that ship (and it was an au). it does nothing for me normally, and i personally don't find stevie g attractive, so! again, it's like an "ew get it away from me" notp, it's just not my vibe.
otp: i mean...lamperry requited. franko x cousin jamie jamie jamie ....maybe someday they can give romeo and juliet their happy ending. and of course, frank and mason...i just really like this ship so much and it keeps my brain so entertained...even though it's not "healthy" and doesn't end well. these ships are all SO good!!!
random headcanon: oh gosh idk...i don't think i have any "headcanons" because everything he says and does in public just kind of tracks. bet he's done coke lol. idk
unpopular opinion: HOO BOY!!! here we go!!! i am aware that i have a wooby nature, but i actually like that about myself. i'd rather approach someone--anyone with softness and then tone it down when i decide they're a dick, than be uncharitable for no reason. that's my way and that's how it's gonna be! so that said...franko gets accusations of "arrogance" and i...i don't see it at all. it might come from his disingenous press conferences at chelsea and everton, but i see that as a man who has horrid self-esteem, was used to being treated by media and fans like a Starboy, and once he started doing badly, had no idea how to handle professional failure--not one single idea. remember on "diary of a ceo" over the summer when he said his first chelsea sacking was the first time he's ever failed professionally? that's insane. Like, imagine making it to age FORTY-TWO and not having a legitimate school or career disaster. that's insane to me. so he just put up a front and got cranky and defensive and funky about where he placed the blame (and to be honest--he has not done a good job as a manager, but he also wound up in some pretty dismal positions. taking chelsea caretaker manager was really shooting himself in the foot because that season just needed to be put out of its misery lol). i'm not saying he's a bastion of humility, or some misunderstood coaching genius, but i don't see him as any more or less arrogant than someone else. idk--i see a weird level of contempt for him that doesn't really feel deserved? he's just a sad sack. sort of a hubris tale in a sense, but also a tale of a man who is still stuck as a kid in some ways...i need to stop before i write a really bad dissertation lol
uh that said...
song i associate with them:
finally a footballer i can give a good answer to this for!!!
name me a better combination than me x lamps x pink floyd x this summer! comfortably numb, shine on you crazy diamond (all of it, but particularly sections vi-ix), wish you were here...
(i know this sounds basic...i know there are more i'm not remembering)
"money" in some ways because i listened to it while writing "visited upon the sons" (it hit me afterward that the fic and the song are structured in the same way...the chicken or the egg?)
from the oooold first days of the lampardverse:
behind blue eyes/a well respected man
also! wouldn't it be nice kind of reminds me of him and cousin jamie loool
favorite picture of them:
dude idk! i really love looking at photos of him! this is granit levels of difficulty...i Cannot choose so let's go with this sad sack from the blessed everton days:
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(uploading this as its own post)
Two versions with and without background <3
basically her origin (which has pretty much stayed the same since I made her like. Three years ago now oh my god) is that, during a school trip to lexcorp, she gets separated from her class and who not during an evacuation bc it’s metropolis and they have regular alien invasions there idk.
all those rocks? The heart? That’s platinum kryptonite. That’s her heart. According to some of my dc encyclopaedias and also Google platinum kryptonite permanently gives humans kryptonian powers - as is the case with Gotham Girl. While mi-sun (sunny is her nickname) is separated from her group, she stumbles into the labs that are restricted from public view and finds all manners of kryptonite.
being a curious child that just ended up in a weird ass room with weird ass rocks, sunny feels herself drawn to the platinum kryptonite. And maybe, if she hadn’t walked towards it, she would have been fine, but at that moment the fight that she was supposed to be evacuated because of collides with the side of lexcorp and the room sunny is in is completely destroyed. The box that was housing the platinum kryptonite shatters, and the pieces of platinum kryptonite pierce sunny’s chest and lodge in her heart.
(Fun fact: her name was originally going to be Shard bc of the shards of platinum kryptonite in her heart)
obviously this isn’t a very healthy thing, and sunny is unconscious for hours while everyone is frantically searching for her and assuming she might have died during the collision. Either way, sunny wakes up and kinda… isn’t fazed? She feels like she should be way worse off, but she can’t even see any marks of the explosion on her - at worst, she feels a little dizzy, but even that fades.
Mi-sun goes back to the orphanage (yes she’s an orphan I forgot to mention that further up but let’s be real. When is a character not an orphan. There’s a limited number) and basically acts as if nothing’s wrong, bc as far as she’s concerned nothing really is.
meanwhile, lex has realised that despite being able to recover all of his other kryptonite pieces, the platinum kryptonite is mysteriously missing. And, lo and behold, who was the last person seen in the room by the cameras before everything exploded?
It doesn’t take long for lex to locate sunny and it takes even less time for him to realise that she has been affected by the platinum kryptonite, and his plans change from get the kryptonite back to get the child and study the effects. Mi-sun, obviously not very keen on becoming a lab rat and still not fully realising what’s happened, runs and runs and runs and - since when could she run this much? And why isn’t she actually running on the ground? And, oh, now she’s flying. That’s great.
Of course now that she has begun flying all of her other new powers decide that it’s the best time to activate. And boy do they activate. As in she immediately starts the whole sensory hell and glowing yellow eyes as seen above. She can’t handle this (obviously, bc she’s been a normal human child up until this point) and crashes into an island.
that island is Hawaii. I wonder who she could meet there. Maybe it’ll even be someone that can relate to not wanting to be luthor’s home experiment.
Kon (who’s probably in his early twenties) finds this raggedy looking child and tries to offer his help. He gets a facefull of eye lasers instead. Initially he thinks that it’s a trap and mi-sun is intentionally attacking him, but eventually he realises that she’s really just having the worst day ever of all time and again, offers to help
this time he doesn’t get a face full of lasers and once mi-sun calms down enough to explain what she thinks happened, Kon decides to bring her to the fortress of solitude to investigate further. There, they run some tests and confirm that yes, the platinum kryptonite is in her heart, and no, they can’t safely remove it and it really seems to be the only reason she survived at all, so removing it could just kill her.
Kon calls Clark and Kara in to help, and they start planning how to handle these issues with Luthor and mi-sun herself, but sunny doesn’t involve herself in the conversation
reminder that she is a child, and is only about fourteen, and like any fourteen year old child in this kind of situation, she’s fucking terrified. She’s just been told that lex luthor does indeed want to keep her as a science experiment and that the thing that’s keeping her alive could also easily kill her. And so she runs again, because that’s the only way she’s ever known how to deal with her problems, and she’s never tried to touch her feelings with a ten foot pole
this is an objectively bad decision and now that she’s essentially been turned into a kryptonian by the platinum kryptonite, the green kryptonite that lex loves to employ has every effect on her as it would have on superman. She narrowly evades capture but she’s significantly weakened. Lex corners her, and it seems like the chase is over, but Kon swoops in and quickly cuts that short. Clark and Kara take on lex’s army of drones and Kon gets sunny to the safety of his Hawaii home
(He didn’t bring her to the frotress of solitude bc she’d already run from there once and he needed to calm her down again, and a massive echoey ice palace is not really the greatest place to achieve that)
eventually Kon officially takes on a mentor role for her and is her kind of not really dad, and sunny helps found the next iteration of young justice with various other new heroes, but that’s her origin yeah 👍
#mi-sun#sunbeam#kon el#superboy#actually he’s probably like supernova or something at this point#and Kara probably isn’t supergirl anymore#but I’ll ponder that later#kara zor el#supergirl#clark kent#superman#lex luthor#superfam#superfam oc
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