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#idk i probably wouldn’t give a fuck abt that either

heartlesscorpse · 3 months

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Pyramid Head thoughts 🩸🔪 △

Catering this to myself and my hornee NEEDS and anybody else’s ig because I’m a dirty boy rn and I have too many thoughts in my head revolving around my man and I need to spill my guts before I lose this precious brain rot. Oh yeah this got some nsfw shit (it’s gonna be like further down) so be sure to read at your risk, and don’t mind the occasional out of context shit bc that’s just my comments and me giggling so hard abt this fine mfer— this was pretty fun to make too ngl, I might do more in the future if I ever get anymore ideas from things or from people, Idk we’ll see.

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Pyramid Head’s possessive asf over his s/o, when you’re living inside a hellhole of a town full of monsters and a cult run by a bunch of lunatics, who else is gonna protect your ass none other than this 7’0” deity??? Man wouldn’t even hesitate to kill anybody or anything that came way too close to you.

Man’s not even gonna let you out of his sight for a second, wherever the hell you’re going he’s coming with you, you’re a fragile little thing after all. He doesn’t want anything bad happening to you, not on his watch.

The size diff between you and Pyramid Head is endearing as well as arousing just thinking about how he could manhandle you into any positions he wants and watch you struggle to take him in. You’re just so short compared to him, he finds it cute. <3

It’s fun to carry you around everywhere he goes because of how short you are compared to him. Doesn’t matter if you get a say in this or not, he’s gonna carry you whenever the hell he pleases and he’ll never let go.

Pyramid Head would’ve associated you with the colour white and some times gives you white clothing because you’re pure and the only non-sinner in this shit hole of a town.

Who the fuck needs a bed when you have Pyramid Head??? Hell, he’d probably prefer you to sleep on top of him so he could hold you in your sleep and protect you from all the dangers of Silent Hill. Not to mention he’d like the feeling of how squishy you are in his embrace, particularly your thighs, he likes wrapping his hands on them and squishing them gently in your sleep. Might be a form of comfort saying “I’m here, everything’s okay”, or he’s just admiring them. Who would’ve thought a large monster living on violence and inflicting pain on sinners would be so gentle with you? (Unless you wanted him to roughen you up a little of course then by all means, he’ll fuckin’ do it.) >:))

Because Pyramid Head only exists in Silent Hill and doesn’t know a lot about the outside world, it’s rather adorable watching him get all confused with that head tilt of his whenever you explain certain things to him couples do on a regular basis besides sex, but he does show some curiosity on said topic and possibly willing to do those things with you as well.

Pyramid Head enjoys receiving attention from you, be it either hugs from behind or give him kisses on his helmet or the tongue— anywhere else is prolly gonna give him some other ideas of sorts, rnskfbsjfbw.

OH BOY the fucking dirty brain rot persists. If this man ever happened to be feeling horny he honestly wouldn’t hesitate taking your clothes off in one tear the second he has your consent.

Did I mention abt the size diff last time? Making you take in his cock nice and slow isn’t gonna do much, he’d want you to get over with the pain fairly quick so he’ll just push it in without warning lmao, of course once he’s in, he’ll allow you a brief moment to adjust to his size and once you’re all good he’s going to pound the fucking daylights out of you.

AGAIN WITH THE SIZE DIFF it’s just so satisfying and enjoyable to him watching you writhing and moaning underneath him like that, accounting to that just seeing you stuffed full of his come and utterly blissed out is adorable. (Like man I— let him rail me already PLEASEE)

And he’s for sure going to tease the fuck out of you to overstimulation until your mind is nothing but a puddle of mush and you’re begging for him. <33

Aftercare in the end is amazing, he’ll help clean you up by fucking eating you out with his tongue and then he’ll lay there with you in his arms, with a blanket big enough pulled over top to cover the both of you while you snuggle up in the mean time. A possible guarantee you’re gonna have a blast trying to walk in the morning./j

🥩⋆♱✮♱⋆🔪 🩸

#pyramid head #dead’s dying #dead’s hcs #smut #fluffies #gn reader #pyramid head x reader #slasher x reader #brainrot hrs

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gojosatorailme · 1 year

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How Lookism characters would eat you out

- Daniel, vasco, zack, gun, goo, Dg

Daniel Park

He’s a virgin. Cant expect much homie

I’d expect him to be a quick learner so he’d look at you throughout it, very experimental with it

Soft kitten licks soft kitten licks soft kitten licks.

Oh? You like it here instead? Okay! He��ll go crazy 💯

Id see him as quite shy and nervous as he wouldn’t know what he’s doing though he’d get more comfortable and confident with reassuring words!

As he gets more used to it you’ll be in tears

Soft and sensual licks, his face buried inside you flicking his tongue the way he knows drives you crazy

UI Daniel on the other hand… a menace. Absolute menace.

Forget walking bby you’ll forget how to think all together

Goodluck soldier

Vasco

I LOVE VASCO

WHYRE HIS BONKERS SO FUCKING HUGE????

He’s so cute I feel like he’d be so dumb and lick the left flap

Like I KNOW he’d do smt wrong by accident bc the poor guys just so confused

Somehow has a charm to him like somehow

Maybe it’s bc his milkers are so large you get delusional or maybe it’s bc his abs are all sweaty and he looks hot but theres SOME CHARM THERE

Vascos so cute

Would put your release before his like it’s a priority he’d put the burn knuckles on the line for it

Wants to make you feel good so teach him the way and he’d do wonders

Zack Lee

Stop joking honey hes a taken man

Keep scrolling home wrecker 🤬🤬

joking he’s also in the virgin gang ^^

Whole worrywart

He’d ask if he’s doing this right, if you feel good, or literally anything

I see him as a body worshipper or like he’d be into praise

Pls tell him he’s doing a good job

Very sweet I love zack

Still a taken man tho keep scrolling boo 😒

Gun

Would he even eat you out or would he get straight to pounding your brains out let’s think for a second

Have a strong feeling he’d be so aggressive

Strong and power licks. Like not even kidding

Have you seen his body maybe he does tongue workouts too u never know??

You want him to go slower? He’ll go faster. You want him to go faster? He’ll go slower. You want him eat you out at all? He’ll dip.

He’s such a menace for what

yk how he takes glasses off during fights? He does it while eating u out and I find it so oddly hilarious

Imagine he outs the glasses on and somehow gets turned on by it GOODBYE

Slaps ur genital area?? He’s mean. He’s just mean.

This is supposed to be like nsfw but it’s a parody atp I feel like gun was such a leash kid it’s so funny HE PROBS BIT A TEACHER IM FALLING IT IDK

He’ll go feral on u 💯 dick in or tongue in idc he’s a beast

He’d degrade u Roo like calling u a little slut for being turned on by how mean he’s being with u

Goo

HES JUST LIKE GUN BUT MORE GOOFY??

WOULD HE EVEN EAT U OUT FOR FREE?

Better get the bag before u think abt getting his tongue

u silly thing

He’d laugh idk and the vibrations would make your eyes roll back and ur all shivering

Would lick the left flap. But on purpose.

Teases u on purpose hes just so mean

he would listen to u either like no going fast hed go slow no going slow her go fast HES JUST LIKE GUN MF

Dg/James Lee

……….

Theres a lot to say but a lot not to say.

Eye contact. Mega eye contact.

Him as James Lee? A menace. I mean it’s already Canon that he’s a menace so why do u think he won’t be one in the bedroom?

ur so silly!

He’s James Lee the living legend of the first gen that’s know to be the best at literally every fucking thing HE WON POETRY LIKE MAD RESPECT IM SO BAD AT POETRY

If he’s good at everything he’s probably a god in the bedroom

ITS ALSO CANON HE HAS A BIG DICK

Maybe I’m biased and I love James but. Yeah.

You’ll be screaming, crying, fucked out, and all but keep going u got this!

him as DG however…

The same. Literally the same.

Both would be such a tease.

Also part of the mean group those little fuckers

He’s so unexpected to like could he giving u small kitten licks one second and the next his tongue is faster than flash like in being so fr

To conclude, he’s a god in the bedroom and I’d like to experience it first han-

The sex legend

#dg x reader #james lee lookism #dg lookism x reader #lookism #daniel park #lee jihoon lookism #lookism x reader #zack lee #daniel park x reader #zack lee x reader #vasco x reader #burn knuckles #gun lookism #goo lookism #euntae lee #gun park #gun park x reader #smut

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a-soft-hornytiny · 1 year

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I just did my nails and since my brain is always in the gutter and thinking about ateez I thought- what would be ateez's reaction to their significant other getting their nails done for them and who's mlt ruin them 😏

- 🍓

Reaction: Getting your nails done for them.

Requested by 🍓 anon

Genre: Fluff, Suggestive

Pairing: Ateez x reader with pretty nails (neutral)

Warnings: none

Notes: Okay this format is a bit weird and new but it works I guess haha reaction and mtl in one

I added some details about what kinda designa you would get for them but im horrible with nail designs so it’s probably bs. Hope its what you wanted hehe

Taglist: under the cut (let me know if you wanna be added)

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Most

Wooyoung:

all day, all tease

“ohhhh you like me so much???” a lot of sighing

he is happy inside but he gotta do his job and annoy you

and he’s most likely to ruin them because he wants to. kinda wants to prove something. probably what an amazing lover he is xD

But he would pay for the replacement.

and because you knew that you had gotten a simple black design with his initials and some of his lines in their songs

Jongho:

he would notice immediately but wouldn’t say anything because.. idk why tbh

similar to Yeosang you would get frustrated abt it but he’d be like “yeah nah I noticed” .-.

but as he noticed it upsets you he’d be really sweet and shower you in compliments, he just has a hard time putting the gesture in context of importance

that is until he googles how much getting your nails done costs

even if its just a purple sky design like you did for him

when it comes to ruining them tho- that man is probably an absolutely beast in bed.. i assume. they wouldn’t survive for long.

Yunho:

puppy eyes, puppy design (or smth blue)

“for me?🥺 really?🥺” i CANT

takes your hands all the time to kiss your nails

cute as fuck but also kinda too much

which may ruin them

and listen: that man will be most likely be ruining them by making you grab the bedsheet to hard if you get what I mean

Mingi:

“are those for me?” you deny it at first to tease him

“oh come on they gotta beeee” whiny man

really full of himself as soon as you admit it, which is why you didn’t at first

maybe some kind of combination of a princess theme with his favourite colour… cement colour.. (i swear he is such a man)

wants to get matching nails 100%

if he ruins them, it was an accident. but since he is clumsy af it may happen xD

San:

happiest bean, so excited

why do I feel like one half of your nails would be like super serious, beautiful gold black designs and the other half is like.. san memes

like a literal mountain or the muscly cat yk

would be careful not to ruin them at first but as the time goes on he wouldn’t have the control to care haha

Yeosang:

wouldn’t notice at first and you’re kinda upset you had to say something

“Your beauty is so distracting y/n, im sorry I didnt see your nails” ironie and shade

but appreciates it, even tho he has a hard time saying it

he’d be proud that you chose a doberman design instead of a maltese one tho (yes i needa be cliche)

would he ruin them? maybe, maybe not. depends on the position👀

Seonghwa:

admires them when you don’t look

he‘s unsure if you really did it for him but as soon as he finds out he is all blushy and happy

definitely either a sakura, strawberry or star design

and he‘s to careful and tidy to ruin them

only if he’s normal hwa tho, horny hwa wouldn’t give a shit

Hongjoong:

he would adore it SO much

would go on and on about how your nails are perfect and that he feels honoured that he was the inspiration to get them done

i think for him you‘d get like a sunflower or music sheet design and he’d definitely want to get some inspired by you too

also least likely to ruin them because they are just too precious to him

Least

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Tags: @jonghoisbabie @multidreams-and-desires @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers-writes @serialee @crimsonbubble @cometoceantrenches @em--ilysm @deja-vux @kawaiiloli00 @ddeonghwva @aaaaajonghooooo @sansbun @cookies-n-joong @plonys @hijirikaww @nari-nim @yunkiwii @mingi-ivity @racheloveyunho @seongsangsgf @jhmylove @lizsvcks @yunhobabygurl @leoninadecorazones @kerra-that-one-random-fangirl @star1117-archives @cheollipop @yeosangsbiceps @euphoric-emily16 @anyamaris @shinestarhwaa @seomisaho @starillusion13 @taemdivez

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emizzzleblur · 1 year

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I asked my friend her opinion of the 2023 f1 drivers:

apologies for the very long post but there are 20 of these bitches and I’m not doing a part 2 so hope you enjoy her unhinged thoughts <3

MAX:

I love Max I don’t care abt his racing like I don’t care abt anyones racing to be fair

I think I used to hate his guts in the beginning which is a true testament to our relationship being the strongest

I want to put him in a ball like a hamster and let him run across my kitchen floor

CHECOOOOOO:

I love Checo sm like i would gladly be a home wrecker if he gave me half a chance

He seems like if we met irl he probably wouldn’t like me but that’s ok I like him 🫶🏻

Charles:

Charles is just dumb and I’m kinda indifferent abt him because I feel like our brains work at the same frequency

Like we cancel each other out because we’re both from the south of france and we’re both bimbos

CARLOS:

CARLOSSSSSSSS

I don’t Even have to say anything we already know I’m obsessed with him like he’s def top 3 for me probably top 2 now that Nicky is gone I adore him sm

Lewis:

Im also indifferent abt Lewis i don’t hate him as much as I used to but I think we could talk abt fashion

George:

My opinion is exactly the same

I hate him with a passion and I would straight up LOVE TO FIGHT HIM but I wanna fuck him so bad it makes me look stupid

Lando:

I like Lando he’s so cute in the way where if I pinched him he’d probably make a noise like the pillsbury dough boy

He needs to stop calling himself daddy tho he’s not fooling anyone

I would rly enjoy pushing him into a shrub to bully him and watch him struggle to get up

Oscar:

I’m indifferent abt Oscar but his lack of personality makes me giggle

He reminds me of a saltine cracker or like pretzels

VAL:

MY DADDDYYYYYY!! I love Val with my whole heart he’s actually the best he’s so unbothered and just enjoying himself he’s the king fr

Zhou:

He’s an actual NPC I don’t think I’ve ever even acknowledged his existence outside of that one pic of him and Fleep like legitimately who is this man

Pierre:

I hate him but like in a way where I don’t ACTUALLY hate him like if he was drowning I’d probably throw him a life preserver

but am I the reason he’s drowning in the first place? Probably

ESTEBAN:

idk I’ve got a soft spot for esteban maybe it’s because we both struggle to say squirrel

He’s cute if he wasn’t French I’d fuck him (maybe if I’m drunk enough to forget he’s French)

YUUUKKKIIIII:

I don’t know when or why this happened but I am so in love w Yuki like he’s in my top 3

he’s so adorable and rly grew on me

I’d like to give him a marshmallow and a little kiss on the forehead

Nyck:

I don’t dislike Nyck but I don’t like him either

I’m indifferent he’s just kinda there but I will think about that video of him exercising for the rest of my life (dis)respectfully

KEVIN:

I rly like Kevin idk why

I don’t know much about him but he’s funny and he seems nice and kinda just chill idk he exists and he’s cool

Nico:

I know nothing about Nico and I don’t like him

I don’t know why I have a hate campaign against him but his face gets on my nerves and that’s good enough reason for me

Lance:

…I don’t wanna say it but he’s growing on me emmie like this is the worst possible outcome but I can’t stop it

Fernando

I do not like Fernando but as i said Before hes Fun like It’s fun to watch the world burn but I don’t like the bitch that threw the match

ALEX:

I love Alex he’s cute and he seems nice and his blonde hair rly fucks

I’d like to meet his cats we could be besties I’d kiss his cheek and pat his head

LOGAN:

I want him to fuck my brains out and honestly, that’s the only opinion I have on him like I have no other thoughts

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corvuserpens · 2 years

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OK TODAY I HAD A DREAM ABT THE CORINTHIAN LISTEN UP.

I’m gonna try to make it make sense bc there were some weird bits to it, but here goes the gist of it:

It began at a nerd shop that used to exist in my town (which closed down a couple of months ago, actually). The clerk was closing up for the night, giving the big window a wash and all that, when the Corinthian, in all white and beige clothes, black shades and everything, shows up. He doesn’t walk in through the door, just pop! He’s there, and he starts going through the books at the counter, like he’s searching for something. There was also a cat, a yellow tortie, who slipped in through the open door, but idk what the cat’s deal was. Anyway.

The clerk notices he’s there and tells him he can’t be there, that they’re closed. The Corinthian turns to him slowly, like he knew the guy was there the whole time and ignored him, until he made the mistake of speaking up. He smiles, you know the smile. Charming but in a creepy way, the kind that gives you chills down your spine. He starts toward the clerk, but before he can say anything, I’m there.

I don’t know how it happened, I was watching the scene unfold and suddenly I was part of it. Maybe I was the cat? No idea.

Point is, I’m there, I turn to the clerk and I tell him: “I’ll take care of this. You should probably go home.”

The clerk leaves without protest, he’s out the door in a flash and who can blame him? I wouldn’t want the Corinthian giving me that hungry smile like he can taste my eyeballs already, either. It’s just me and him in the shop now, and he looks a bit annoyed that I interrupted any interaction with the poor clerk. He goes back to rummaging through the books (no idea why, I never found out). Meanwhile, I go to the window and push the blinds down so we can have privacy from any on-lookers outside.

I go up to him and I say: “Corinthian. You know I’ll have to report this to Lord Morpheus, don’t you?”

He turns to me then, that rebellious smirk on his face, and shrugs. “Go ahead. I don’t care anymore. In fact...”

We hear a buzzing sound: it’s his phone going off. He pulls it out from his pocket and shows me the screen. It’s Dream.

(Side note, I don’t know HOW DREAM GOT A PHONE or how he’s using it, but it’s him, I know it in my soul).

The Corinthian slides to answer, but he doesn’t put it on speaker, or even brings it to his ear, he just holds the phone in his hand. I can’t hear anyone speaking from the other side, and neither him nor I say anything. We simply stare at each other, as if we’re challenging one another to talk first. He ends the call without a single word being spoken, steps up to me in that deliberately slow gait of a predator (ngl he towered over me and it was scary af) and he says: “I don’t give a fuck anymore whether he knows where I am or not. Go on and report. Makes no difference to me.”

And with that, he turns his back on me and walks out the door.

NOW HERE’S THE REAL KICKER OF THE DREAM, Y’ALL ARE GONNA LOVE THIS: I watch him go, I hesitate, but decide to go after him. It’s pouring rain outside, and it’s freezing, but there’s a cover over the shop’s front so it’s fine. I call out to the Corinthian, and I remember feeling so determined, so resolute in my conviction to what I’m about to do next, and also burning with curiosity.

He stops in his tracks, looks back at me... And I ask, rather incredulously: “You never told me, does your heart beat?”

He returns to my side, stares down at me and opens his arms. “See for yourself.”

So I step up (cautiously) to him, I put my right ear RIGHT ON HIS CHEST, and there it is: a heart beat, strong and calm and strangely soothing, I remember feeling so instantly at peace and good while listening to it that I even closed my eyes and leaned fully against him. He was so warm and it was so cold out in the street, I swear I could have stayed there listening to his heart for the whole night. I think I was a little bit in love with him for a second, LOOOL. But then I caught myself, stood back and looked up at him with wide eyes, I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed, and he gives me this smile that is just so... sad. No joy at all, just an empty smile, and he asks me: “Do you understand, now?”

I can’t think of anything to say.

He starts to walk away in the rain, and I stand there for a long ass moment weighting my options, torn between reporting back to Dream because I’m loyal to him (was I a dream myself, I wonder?) and following the Corinthian. I want to know more, I want to go with him and help him find whatever he’s looking for, but just as I start running to catch up to him and reach out to grab his arm, like literal miliseconds away from my fingers touching the sleeve of his coat, MY FUCKING ALARM GOES OFF AND I WOKE UP. SMH.

It was such an amazing dream, I wish it could have gone on for longer. And it’s giving me so many fic ideas, ohhh yes!

#The Sandman #the Corinthian #Dreams of a Crow #oh look new tag just dropped lmao

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kimnjss · 2 years

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I saw this TikTok yesterday that basically said the boys aren’t good in bed because they’re rich and famous and feel they wouldn’t need to try. And the girls they’ve been with with NDA’s are all happy they don’t have to add them to their body count. 😭😭🫣 I can’t stop thinking about it and I really hope it’s not true 😵

LMAOOOO the way this has me in stitches 🥹🥹 poor them ! nah tho ., if we wanna be real - def feel like some of them are better than others like -

joon??? he’s daddy nd all ., but i feel like he be thinking too much so he might take to long to actually do everything he’s thinking abt . before he knows it it’s over .

jin ., ik y’all talk abt the wanted to be cuffed thing a lot - but he still feels vanilla to me - which isn’t bad ., but it’s probably not all exciting .

yoongi - i wanna give him his props bc he loves thinking he’s mr. tongue tech nd all ., but idk why i feel like he might be fast?? yk 🥲

hoseok be fucking nd fucking well . i have nothing else to say on the matter .

jimin 😬 lowkey gives me pillow prince vibes??? like you’re doing all the work while he just takes it like a reward . would be an honor either way - none of these are complaints .

taes into to way too many freaky things to not be good in bed ., i refuse to think otherwise .

nd jungkook literally just entered his fuckboy phase nd i know he’s a hoe .. buuut 🫠 he’s probably a little selfish when it comes down to it yk what i mean 😕

either way tho… i’m down 🥵

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inkybinkyboink · 1 year

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no ok heres my hot take on the whole “breaking bad characters opinions on queer folk” headcanons except its a masterpost with every single character i can think of and it’s in alphabetical order because of my undying need for approval from fictional characters. queerphobic percentages included no extra charge!!!!!!!!!!!

badger: 33% - badger’s been hanging out for long enough to know that people come in all shapes and sizes, no two are the same and that doesn’t confuse him, but he thinks it’s weird. definitely believes that there’s a “normal” and a “not normal”.

chuck: 64% - good lord this man grew up following the rules and probably catholicism. he’s such a pain in the ass abt it too, like he’ll bring up biology the first chance he gets.

francesca: 21% - shes spoken to enough shitty people to the point where as long as you’re not a dick to her she could not give less of a fuck who you are or what you do at home.

gale: 0% - gale is the one character at zero percent for a reason. he’s just,,so full of love???

gus: 1% - ok this was kind of a joke but you cannot look at this man and tell me he doesn’t not have an iota of internalized homophobia in him.

hank: 78% - hes just,,,,so conservative-coded. i don’t trust him. i feel like he’d talk abt queer people like “snowflakes” and uses “blue hair and pronouns” but in the most derogatory way possible.

howard: 24% - idk man i just think he’d be chill with it. he seems like a homie.

huell: 31% - man grew up religious in louisiana like bro. strikes me as a “hate the sin, love the sinner” kind of guy but in the most nonchalant way possible.

jane: 5% - goddamn bro she’s probably queer herself but? god look at her and tell me there isnt a small part of her that harbors the most micro-aggressive biphobia you’ve ever seen.

jesse: 22% - like ok jesse’s funky bc at the beginning of the show hes definitely further up there, but as he grows as a character i think it would go down bc he learns people can be kind, and it’s not based at all in what they do or who they are. like he doesn’t get it, but he’s super willing to listen and learn, but only like,,,after the events of el camino. any time before that i think he would just kind of brush it off.

kim: 15% - she’d go to a pride parade. but also she doesn’t actively advocate for queer rights. but she’s totally cool with it.

lalo: 28% - k so lalo is so gender i struggle to see him as a purely black and white queerphobic person. like, i dont think he’d get it, or understand it, but he also doesnt,,,care,,,like, he’d kill you either way but he’d also ask you your pronouns before he kills you

marie: 67% - her husband is hank and her sister is skyler. need i say more. she gets SUPER terf-y.

mike: 36% - ok so i think he’s kind of in the same boat as lalo, except i added points bc theyre from different generations, which i do think affects viewpoints. but like on any given day mike does not care. he doesn’t care, but also he’s not gonna drive you to your hrt appointment. yknow?

nacho: 12% - look ok i wouldn’t put it past nacho to have experimented himself, i think he understands better than a lot of people that identity and sexuality is fluid. also? idk i feel like he would find the concept of identity interesting, so he’s done a lot of research of his own and stuff.

saul: 26% - saul’s kind of on the same road as jesse i think. like jimmy mcgill would try to listen and understand, but saul just kind of,,,doesn’t care. also probably micro-aggressive but would never actively do anything shitty.

skinny pete: 25% - similar to badger, but he doesn’t think it’s weird, he thinks it’s cool. absolutely watches rupauls drag race.

skyler: 43% - like ok if one of skyler’s kids came out to her, she would be a lot more supportive, but otherwise she just kind of lives in her own bubble where she oversexualizes the concept of queer people and thinks that all drag queens are trans women.

todd: 56% - gd bro todd lives with nazis. that’s a pretty confident contender for not being the most accepting. but of course, it’s todd, so he’s gonna be nice about it? but absolutely trash talks queer ppl behind their back.

tyrus: 35% - we know little to nothing abt tyrus’ backstory but he gives me rlly calm vibes. idk. he doesnt pay much attention to it. has pre-existing notions of queer folk that give him a more negative bias.

tuco: 88% - dude. dude. dude. tuco is a loose canon. please never let me near him. i will die. so quickly.

walter: 35% - ive seen fanfics and implications that him and elliot had something going on, but also walters kind of a total dick? like he’s homophobic bc his own experiences were shitty so he assumes the worst from then on out.

walt jr: 29% - ok everyone says walt jr. would be transphobic but i disagree. hes part of the younger generation, i feel like he would understand it more than anything? i know thats not applicable to every like,,younger person but he’s more surrounded by like,,society and stuff??? idk i think he’d kind of just shrug it off and support it.

victor: 74% - he just...i dont like his vibes. i dont like ‘em. i feel like he’d be rlly douchy if he found someone he was working with or was friends with was queer or trans.

#this post is gonna b hit or miss #breaking bad #better call saul #el camino #delete later maybe #tw transphobia #tw homophobia #tw queerphobia

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jinkicake · 1 year

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So now that we have scaramouche new designs confirmed I think his outfit could have been a lot slutier like take off that mesh shirt and have stockings instead🙄 welcome to the anemo men under 5”6 group ig but back to albedo😒 imma try to pull for him one last time and if he doesn’t come home imma have to write something about him being tied up idk he needs to be punished. But the way he always slips back into my head is crazy I’ll be like okay I’ve been healed and go look at Xiao art,,,,, and then one of my fav artists will post the most beautiful albedo I’ve ever seen and it’s back at it🥲 and I came across a short fic(wishing it was longer) about albedo catching the clone fucking his s/o and liking it and being like??? Why was that hot?? Like the idea of rubedo trying to steal his life and being like “ your partner is mine too” is greatly appealing but like I’m for the streets so it could just be me. Like not noticing that it’s susbedo when he comes home at night after you expected him to be in dragonspine and absolutely railing the hell out of you. Like he definitely is a masochist bc he’s never had genuine affection so he gets off on pain( he’s one hug and I’m proud of you away from absolutely breaking down💀) like ik he’s not shy about it he’s putting your knees over his shoulders and looking you in the eye to tell you how deep he’s gunna me in you. Like god imagine not knowing it’s not albedo and he has you gabbing everything in hands reach as to not float off the earth when your soul ascends. Like he grabs your hair to make you look up and albedo who just stumbled into the KOF lab and he sees his imposter fucking the daylights out of you. “ look, your precious alchemist is watching. Such a shame he can’t see how well your taking me.” I’m built differently tho I’ll let him keep going🥰 or even albedo watching from the shadows and seeing you beg his imposter to go deeper. On the flip side albedo is so pretty like when I stop and look at him he does look like a prince very pretty and short but can definitely pick up kaeya if he wanted to. Like I wouldn’t know how to act lmao they would never know peace around me bc I’m biting him. Like looking at him would have hazardous, bc if I stare at him too long rip. Like his pretty face, how IK his neck is sensitive, his pretty hands, yeah definitely would help him take a break by burying my face in between his legs. He probably would get really whiney if you edge him while giving head bc he’s a gentleman he doesn’t just want to shove your head down😔 honestly poor Jean bc she can’t walk into any room in the HQ without knocking and waiting 3 mins and it’s entirely my fault. Like damn my bad I wasn’t intending to ride kaeya in his office chair when I brought him lunch but these things happen. Diluc absolutely railing your in her office. Praying for them both bc they have such strong sexually repressed vibes so it his my job to deflower them😔 like idk I’m in my whore era so I’ll just feel up Jean in her office while I know she has a meeting w diluc in like 7 mins, like I’ll just hide under the desk and see how long this façade can be held up bc diluc would be like “Jean are you okay🥺🥺” until she ends up cumming and is super embarrassed whike she’s trying to catch her breath I’m like 🥰🥰 would you like a turn too? Bc they definitely seem like the type to be pinning over the same person and have no idea what to do. I’m not gunna let her calling him sir go like no Jean please share with the class what you meant by that🤨🤨

NO LITERALLYYYYYYY abt scaras outfit... but i dunno the little peaks of skin under his outer layer is kinda..... slutty in itself hehehe i like the skin tight shirt layer tho and his little shit smile thats my psycho!!!!- have you seen his leaked idle animations and his burst.... i dont know how i feel-----

DID YOU GET ALBEDO?! NOOOO I HOPE YOU DID T T between you and me, he deserves a punishment smut either way!

.... you know to send me good smut whenever you find it.... PLEASE LINK ME THAT ALBEDO CLONE SMUT IM BEGGINGGG no yeah as long as albedo doesnt mind ill fuck him and the clone all day long??? like???? o.m.g i desperately need a smut of the clone fucking the reader but the reader thinks it is albedo fucking them.... OMG THAT WOULd be too good! esp if you drabble in some yandere.... i might have to jot that one down for a word vomit!!

yeah,,,, albedo is too pretty.... so breathtaking!!!! heheh but i know he's a tough bitch!

HOLD ONNNNN I WAS ABOUT TO SAY LIKEEE YOU WOULD BE TAKING ALL THREE OF THEMMMM,,,, not just kaeya and diluc but jean too ((the holy trinity of childhood mondstadt friends is no match for you!!! >:-)))! I know how much you like her LOL she needs a good stress relief so she would def try to fight you on staying under her desk but like...... her fight dies the moment you get your lips on her skin through the slit of her pants heheheheiuhwfih if you ever find yourself stuck between diluc and jean, just fuck them both!!! that's my advice

#sarahandoikawatalkshit #xiaos spicy almond tofu #sorta?

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chisatowo · 1 year

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Splatoon weapon mains of sekai characters in my minds eye cause I’m bored.

Ichika: probably never got around to buying any other weapons and as such is a jr. main by default

Saki: could also be a jr main, but I could also see her using a roller or aerospray.

Honami: Honami is a hard one for me Tbn since nothing strongly jumps out at me, but for some reason she gives me splatling vibes, so I’m gonna say heavy maybe? Or hydra

Shiho: either brella or undercover, I just feel it in my heart

Minori: either a rly bad roller main or a surprisingly scary octobrush main. More likely roller though

Haruka: I could see her being either a duelies main or a stamper main, but I doubt she’s good at either lol

Airi: either a frontline weapon like sploosh or a very special spammy support weapon like reef. I could see her dabbling in both

Shizuku: either tent or aerospray, depends on which she tries first

Kohane: idk why but she gives me such strong blaster main vibes. I could see her just maining normal blaster, but I could also see her maining clash or range.

An: again idk why I got such an immediate strong vibe from her but in my heart I know she’s a slosher main who’s garbage at it. She’s tried maining tri and explosher but always comes back to vanilla slosher

Akito: look at me. He’s a pro main. He doesn’t care abt splatoon that much but if you call his weapon mid he will fight you abt it. He’s a pro loyalist.

Toya: tbh I have like. No fucking idea what he’d play. I could see him using duelie squelcher, or jet squelcher, or sploosh, tbh you could tell me he mains just abt anything and I be like sure why not. Except for chargers I know in my heart he wouldn’t be a charger main

Tsukasa: look. Look at this man. Look into his soul. He’s an aerospray main.

Emu: I feel like most ppl would probably give her a frontline or otherwise pretty speedy weapon, but idk I just feel like she’d use all the stupid slow weapons and be GOOD at them. She’s that scary as shit e-liter main that is ruining everyone’s fun

Nene: Nene definitely tried to be a charger main, but just could not get the hang of it so now she’s a basic bitch splash main. Cringe /j

Rui. Bloblober.

Kanade: tbh she’s another one I have like no real ideas for, but ig I could see her playing a semi? It’d murder her hands and she wouldn’t recover but idk I could see her playing squeezer. That’s if she ever got around to buying a weapon that’s not jr in the first place fhskfhskhf

Mafuyu: she’d probably initially try playing back line weapons but then the second she tires playing frontlines that’s it bro. I don’t think she has a super consistent main but she’d probably play inkbrush and sploosh a lot

Ena: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk machine maybe? Gonna be real with you I don’t have a lot of ideas for 25ji in general fjshfjshf

Mizuki: again I don’t have a lot of solid ideas for them but I imagine they’d probably play a support weapon? So like zap or jr or smth like that.

#rat rambles #project sekai #splat posting #I tried not to say aerospray too much but it’s also not my fault that so many sekai characters would be aerospray mains smh #anyways this is not connected with my actual sekai splatoon au I’m making since I doubt any of them are doing turf wars or anything but ya #I might make a bndori version of this at some point but not tonight it’s late

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velvetstreets · 2 years

Note

Hii, my lovely friend!!🦋💞

I think he really wouldn't give you his ring. Even for me, thinking about giving him the PG ring is like too much hahahahaha AND IT'S NOT EVEN MINE💀. (the fucking empathy. idk)

But of course, the ky necklace is 100%. I picture it, one day putting it around your neck (like Gabriela and Troy. I don't know, but I'm laughing at my clingy ass) and telling you how beautiful it looks on you. And boom💥 you already appropriated the chain

PS: I love that I drew the conclusion as if I really knew him. Maybe this guy is jealous of his stuff and he doesn't like to share. Nothing is sure in this life.

P.S2: how are you??? is everything ok over there?

P.D3: Already the last hahaha.

But I need to tell you that your last writing is like touching the sky. Soooo nice. I felt like i was getting in the way of something so intimate, like I wasn't y/n lol.

P.S4: Sorry for changing the place emojis, I honestly forget how I put them hahahaha

#🦋🌙 #🌙🦋

Hiii babes!! Yeah me neither hahah I think he’d let you play with it but then be like “okay baby I need it back now” 💀

Hahah yes!! I know he’d give you the KY chain and probably have a ‘J’ chain made for you (ALSO YESSS T FOR TROY?? Lmfao) yeah I’d never take it off .

Nah he gives me sharing vibes but only with people he loves!

Also I’m okay! My sleeping routine is a little off which is annoying 😣 but other than that I’m great 💞 I hope you’re good too!

And thank you 😭🫶🫶🫶 it rly does mean a lot especially since I’ll critique my work sometimes and feel like I’m not bringing anything new. And don’t worry abt the emojis hahaha I wouldn’t remember either so I’ll just tag both bestie <332

#🦋🌙 anon #🌙🦋 anon #love seeing u in my inbox <3

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guu · 2 years

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Got tagged by Julia @wuggen in this big ol Answer These Questions chain letter thingimajig. Supposed to tag 25 people (wowie this one feels like it was taken straight from the old myspace ones)

Last...

Beverage: Full Thottle bc energy drinks have me in a chokehold to function

Phone call: uhhh either a doordash customer or my bff gabs

Text message: talkin with my mom abt her surgery tomorrow

Song you listened to: idk man i’m on a vaporwave mix rn

Time you cried: i don’t cry much anymore so uhhh... maybe... a month ago?

Have you ever...

Dated someone twice: yeah ;;- _-)

Kissed someone and regretted it: when i was 16 yeah

Lost someone special: In the sense of fucked up a good relationship: yes

in the sense of losing contact: soo many

in the sense of death: my grandma

Been depressed: bro since i was 11

Been drunk and threw up: oh yeah. hasn’t happened in years tho

Last year, have you...

Made a new friend: Ya!

Fallen out of love: Nope

Laughed until you cried: I don’t think so but mb. memory shit.

Found out who your true friends are: I mean, I guess. too bad none of them are here irl.

Found out someone was talking about you: No bc I’m 30

General

How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life?: I only have ppl added i kno irl bc i never use fb.

List 3 favorite colors: This hasn’t changed in like 15 yrs

pink, green, black

Firsts

First surgery: Still none

First piercing: I got my ear pierced at Claire’s when I was like. 6. so yeah that got infected Fast.

First best friend: I never had a true best friend till 7th grade, so my first is still my best friend in the whole world, Gabs.

First sport you joined: I was on the tennis team in middle school

First vacation: My family has never been rich. soo.

The time they took us along to Dodge City for a motorcycle rally back when they were bikers. that was fun. there was blood outside one of the rooms at the Best Western and i got a harmonica there.

First pair of trainers: Yeah I’m with Julia wth does this mean, I wouldn’t have guessed shoes if she didn’t say so. Licherally don’t remeber

Right now

Eating: Nothing atm, might break into some kettle corn soon

Drinking: Still the. Full Throttle.

I’m about to: get some more work done on Jewel Thieves and prolly go back out and play more Tales of Symphonia

Your future

Want kids: Got two, don’t want more.

Get married:Man i don’t know and i don’t care. if i do get married to anyone it’ll be for like, marriage benefits?

Career: I want a show of one my comics. But anyway as for ‘career’, character designer seems to be my best shot with what i Want to Do.

Which is better

Lips or eyes: yeah i think this is rly where u can see teens made these old things. both are good? people all definitely have both.

Hugs or kisses: i am so starved for friend hugs.

Shorter or taller: I don’t actually care much, it’s hard to be shorter than me, but taller is ideal cause then they could get stuff off high shelves and i go low and in small places. ideal dynamics.

Older or younger: As long as they’re old enough to drink, either is chill. probably older tho. Or a few yrs younger.

Romantic or spontaneous: Can we not have both????? What's the distinction here??? (leaving ur answer Julia cause I agree)

Nice stomach or nice arms: Big tummy... but i am a slut for a man with big strong arms

Sensitive or loud: I feel like these are not mutually exclusive? I’m sensitive and loud about it. (well. some of us are. i don’t feel much strongly)

Hook-up or relationship: Meh, either. I’m not the best with hook-ups but I might go for one if presented it.

Trouble maker or hesitant: Troublemaker within reason. I need someone who can make decisions for me so hesitant is a bit...

Have you ever...

Kissed a stranger: Yeah

Drank hard liquor: Yeah but I can’t do it anymore. Gives me heartburn.

Lost glasses/contacts: Used to lose or break my glasses all the time.

Sex on first date: Yea

Broke someone’s heart: Unfortunately u_u

Been arrested: I’ve been in handcuffs but that’s it.

Turned someone down: Hmm... yeah actually I think. I usually give just abt anyone a shot but there was that weird brony guy who was a huge misogynist.

Cried when someone died: Sorta. I didn’t know how to feel when gradma or grandpa died but I cried for my mom when they both passed.

Oh and I guess after the initial celebration of “the dead one”‘s passing, and realizing him being gone didn’t help how I felt I cried.

Do you believe in...

Yourself: Considering I’ve been let down so much I’d often have to say “if ya want somethin’ done right-” yeah

Miracles: No, but I want to.

Love at first sight: Used to. Romance is weird for us these days.

Heaven: No

Santa Claus: Okay uh, bro????

Kiss on the first date: Yeah man just go for it if it’s right for the both of ya.

Angels: Ok I know I said i don’t believe in heaven (or hell) but I’m on the fence with angels.

ok im not tagging 25 but let’s see. (as usual, only do if ya wanna ofc!)

@chocolatechippi , @babylonbirdmeat , @lilstinky , @goodvibesdog , @mood2you , @nonbinaryjew , @e-102 , @cringezskull430 , @snailbutch ,

@minmos , @3000s , @sablesablesablesable

#under a readmore for mobile #i think mobile still gets long posts? idk

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thrushppelt · 11 months

Note

knocks on your door bc i'm back n isn't that lovely?

tbh i kinda like oakheart, but he and blue rly met, hung out, then fucked which- accurate but damn ok

tho... if you're doing a bluesnow au and still want to add in misty, stone, and moss, you could totally have platonic oak and blue and he's like "sure, lemme help you add to your family with her" and is the platonic supportive edge blue needed

also you can't convince me that blue wasn't giving snow a lil goodnight kiss and said that she will commit war crimes for her (then proceeded to gut thistle like the now dickless bitch he is) like that is canon and real, i was there.

ohoh and totally see whitestorm never realizing he had a dad. someone asks him about it and he's just like, "my dad was the wind. idk his name and i honestly do not care to." (blue caused this but yk)

i also like the idea of them being adorable mates come fire joining the clan so he gets two moms and some siblings. (also imagine the sheer amount of angst you could write if tigerclaw killed snowfur and bluestar's mania really hit then-)

Anon you wanna get married

OAKHEART ISNT BAD there’s just NO CHEMISTRY when they barely talked 😭 and blue doesn’t feel anything abt the fact that he (very inadvertently) caused snows death

One night stand/platonic/whatever oakblue IS fun to think abt but I also like the thought of thrushpelt being their fathers :,) (ignoring the plot consequences by having them all live in a perfect limbo where everything’s ok and they’re HAPPY) no seriously blue deserved happiness and she got FUCK ALL!!!!!!!

Blue can have a little a morally gray by Accidentally having a fox or badger or monster kill thistle, it’s ok no one cares :) (and tiger Probably wouldn’t be as evil either LOL)

White just had two moms that were sisters also it’s ok :) it’s fine ASHFKGK it would be so satisfying seeing him say “fuck you” to his dad realizing how much of a dickbag he is. Thistle can be the divorced dad who tries yet still fails, that’s all I’ll allow him

DONT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THAT………… ouhhrhhhhgg fire seeing a healthy (for the most part) and respectful blue just fall apart in DAYS …….. I’m gonna b thinking about that. Fuck you (affectionate)

#asks #AUGHHEHE he somehow killed thrush if he’s apart of this still #ouhhh……. maybe thistle can get a redemption arc going against tiger #ORRRRRR goes w him like darkstripe 🤔🤔🤔#no wait this works…. anon you helped me w my ‘I want this specific character to be happy #without changing TOO much of the canon but still having a decent amount stay the same’#like snow still gets hit. survives w injuries. blue rarely sees oak if at all. blah blah more plot happens #fire comes. tiger kills thrush and or snow. ok ok …..#wtf I just looked up and there’s an entire silverfish. on my window beside me #yes I’m a bug fenatic but like …. where did you come from #ANYWAY it would be a shame if someone drew this or exapanded upon it 🤔#out of blues life and plot idk if her kids actually like. have significance #so I’m wondering if I can just exclude them entirely for simplicity LOL #hnng snow dies and how convenient that yellow shows up 🤔#I can’t not give blue a girlfriend of some sort I’m sorry (thrush is included in that btw)

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luvsellie · 2 years

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DATING DRUIG WOULD INCLUDE...

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pairing druig x fem!reader | wc 0.9k | requested ? yes | note he <3

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• is the biggest flirt known to mankind

• now, ik we already are aware of that but JUST IN CASE YOU WEREN'T !!

• “you wanna kiss me so badly, don’t you?”

• teases you endlessly, both physically and verbally

• exhibit a - leans in as if he’s gonna kiss you and then looks down at you like you’re crazy because you’re just standing there waiting for his lips to fall on yours

• PLEASE I'M LAUGHING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

• you’d open your eyes like 🙂 ??

• and druig would be the exact definition of 🤨

• exhibit b - “you have to stop doing that” “what?” “saying things that make me want to kiss you” *cue your face going hot and turning away with wide eyes*

• *sigh* the things he does to you (he's more aware of it than you are my dear)

• so, of course, he uses that to his advantage, much to your displeasure :')

• i don't think he's super big on pda, but, as seen in the movie, i think he'd hold you close, a hand on your waist, or even give you a quick kiss on the cheek when either of you has to leave for a period of time

• now, he may be a huge flirt and tease, BUT WHEN YOU DO IT BACK-

• mans has no clue how to act

• possibly the embodiment of 😶 and 🧍

• it’d just be a simple compliment too and he’d feel absolutely jittery inside

• like, you could be playing with his hands or something and say “your hands are really nice” with a small sigh and smile and he will somehow fall even more in love with you than he was five seconds ago

• okay back to him being a fucking flirt bc idk about you but i live for the oneshots and hc’s of him flirting/teasing the living shit out of the reader bc it makes me scream into my pillow before i continue reading 👍

• anyways. so in the scene in the flashback where he threatens to tell ajak abt makkari stealing the artifact ?? (praying to god i’m not just making something up rn)

• WELL

• let’s replace it w/ you two at a table in the corner, probably just sipping on something and talking when druig somehow turns the lovely conversation into him shamelessly flirting with you

• “i scratch and bite, i don’t need someone watching over me 24/7” you’d snap back at a random remark he made, taking a sip from your cup, sure there’s no way he could do more with that

• this mf deadass goes “you’ll crawl and beg too, darling”

• *chokes on drink*

• dw i did too it’s okay

• y’all need to start writing more smuts w him using mind control pls i am begging

• k sorry for the slight detour back to regular programming

• BUT THIS MAN IS SO SWEET

• when the two of you go on walks you bet your ass he’s the type of lover to randomly pick flowers and give them to you :(

• he’ll even do that whole cliche thing where he puts it behind your ear UGHHAVSUANAI

• oh my god he’d trace words on your back too

• like, when it’s the middle of the night (or even the morning) and you can’t sleep, he’d just talk to you and trace things with his finger ☹️☹️

• going off of that little scenario, that is most likely how he told you he loved you for the first time; you had to guess what he was saying and obv it was 'i love you'

• but but but HIS ACCENT !!!!! PLUS HIS VOICE WHEN HE’S SLEEPY !!!!! 💥💳💥💳💥💳💥💳

• i could go on and on abt him, good lord

• alright onto the nsfw 😏 (guys i swear i use that emoji ironically)

• and i am apologizing in advance bc i am in fact a lesbian so the only things i am referencing while writing hetero sex are other nsfw ff’s bc i have no clue what im doing 💀

• n e way i think he’s a dom 100% no questions asked

• also prefers to give rather than receive, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t enjoy a good bj every once in awhile

• totally wouldn’t mind using his power on you (only if you consent to it tho !!)

• probs into overstimulation and toying with you - he enjoys the faces you make when he takes away your release 😩

• alright that’s honestly all i can say nsfw wise IM SORRY I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IM DOING 😭

• but back to him being the best bf ever 🤲

• WOULD GIVE YOU RANDOM KISSES !!

• for example, when your busy and he suddenly craves your affection, he’d just walk up to you, wrap his arms around your middle, and press a kiss to your temple

• ugh the compulsory heterosexuality i have for this man ☝️☝️

• okay, best for last, but i also am a firm believer that he’s not afraid to flirt w you around others (even tho he’s not super big on pda)

• i mean, he’s gotta let people know you're his somehow, right?

• oh OH OH HES REALLY BIG ON THE PET NAMES "doll," "dear," "love," "beautiful," and "darling" !!

• and has a thing for putting the word "my" in front of your name or whenever he's referring to you - he always makes sure to relate you back to him :')

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#druig #druig x reader #druig x you #druig x female reader #druig x y/n #druig imagine #eternals druig #eternals x reader #marvel #mcu #mcu phase 4 #mcu ff #eternals fanfiction #eternals ff #marvel oneshot

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beomglocks · 3 years

Note

who in choi line is mlt have hate sex? sorry if you already did this lol

- 🍢

i havent done this yet its ok lmao!

yeonjun

an enemies to lovers tease. i feel like you piss him off to the point where he's just like ok ik what will put you in your place. probably degrades you a lot. "i thought you hated me but you have my dick in your mouth how does that work?" won't shut up abt it either afterwards. and yes there’s a round 2.

soobin

talks a lot during it. says a lot of "i hate you so much" while you both are glaring at each other & he's literally balls deep. you have to tell him to shut up and fuck you. tbh i wouldn't say hate as in he hates you but you probably did smth to piss him off. it probably goes down after an argument where he hears you say smth like “i hate you” under ur breath and he drags you to the bed like “ill give smth to hate 😪”

beomgyu

idk if hate sex is the right term. i don’t think he would necessarily hate you 🤔 maybe you one uped him on smth and it got him upset or made him jealous and he’s mad at you. insert obligatory beomglocks’ “beomgyu has a choking kink” ✨ probably chokes you but yeah i don’t see hate sex happening a lot with gyuuu

#gyu’s corner #🍢 anonie #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt reactions #drabble #yeonjun imagines #txt headcannons #beomgyu imagines #soobin imagines #smut #txt smut #yeonjun headcanons #beomgyu headcanons #soobin headcanons #mtl txt #soobin smut #yeonjun smut #beomgyu smut

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dennishater69 · 3 years

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bro i been thinking abt that (the one up there that one great post big fan) post theorizing that dennis is meant to be a twist on the “jim halpert” kind of a leading man thats standard on sitcoms. and how all the characters are like that yanno? historically successful, funny, and loved tv tropes put into an unforgiving and realistic world? like it’s even funnier when you think about how it’s almost as if the gang (ESP Den) /knows/ that they should be getting rewarded for all their antics and scheming. that’s what happens on tv. on tv jim knew from day one that he was the man for pam, he /knew/ he’d get her and (so) he /did/! he didn’t even have to try!! but in philly dennis “knows” that he’s the man for (caylee, mac, literally anyone) but it comes off as creepy not charming thus hes often rejected and humiliated.

dee is the female voice of reason (yeah ik the origin of kaitlins dee shut up let me talk), and yet her schemes and beliefs are just as titled as the boys. now look at this: lisa simpsons job wasnt to actually convince her dad or brother that their idea was dangerous. lisa’s job was to call attention to just how fucking stupid the male leads r. plus she’s a chick and implicit lesbo so she doubles as a punching bag. just like dee. cept dee isn’t super smart or musically inclined, the only thing she really has going for her is the gang. and the fact that she’s probably the best off in terms of not destroying her own life. which lets her have this unearned sense of superiority similar to dennis’ because she ~knows~ that she’s the voice of reason. what she doesn’t know is why even after she’s proven that that’s not who she WANTS to be anymore the guys still refuse to treat her like a real member of the gang even though she so obviously is. even tho the guys know she’s just as good (bad) as they are. lisa simpson, the chick from seinfeld, and lois griffin are all fine and good and are funny because deep down lois CHOSE to marry peter, lisa explicitly LOVES her family DESPITE their flaws. but dee is UNLOVED. there’s no point in her being there other than to contradict, not cos she necessarily wants to but the gang actively avoids giving her attention for anything else. so now you’ve got the voice of reason trope desperately trying to prove their own unreasonableness in an attempt to be liked. the boys resist. she acts up. they give her enough of a nod for her to stay for another drink. meanwhile the gang is getting into increasingly stupid and dangerous schemes because the voice of reason prefers not being shit on. almost like how a real person would react to being forced into that position. huh.

charlie and mac r sort of make up one; they’re the gang (ik ik) they’re dennis’ gang. the chandler and the other one. the “leading mans” sidekicks who are happy to go along with whatever plan, happy to let him get the girl, happy to remind him of how perfect he is when he’s down. (which obviously mac and charlie are NOT happy about ANY of that and HATE that dennis treats them like they are.) It’s also maybe important to note that usually the “leader” of the group is the one who brought the three friends together. dennis just crashed mac and charlie’s twosome one day and never left. mac and charlie support dennis but only out of annoyance or in macs case sometimes something deeper. either way, it’s out of trope. really they shouldn’t be able to function without dennis telling them how to. but at this point it seems like they’re better off without him around.

but charlie is also his own trope. Cause the thing is…charlie works as a lovable goofball, the slob with a heart of gold, socially awkward sure but deep down he wouldn’t hurt a fly. except. he would hurt a fly. he is a self-proclaimed “rat-basher”, hes the only character to explicitly say the n word, he stalks and assaults the waitress (her trope is p obvious. perfect girl that the loser drools over, she rejects him.) to the point of her actually breaking and agreeing to HAVE HIS KID (need a whole new post abt those beans jfc)

NOW. i ask you…what usually happens in tv shows with the charlie/waitress dynamic? typically i’d say that throughout the course of the show the audience realizes that the supposed “perfect girl” is actually a bitch and that it’s actually the unassuming, more natural looking, lead girl who should get together with the charlie character. depending on the show, maybe she’s the girl who’s been helping him chase his supposed dream girl. or she’s the girl who is, up until the big reveal, his lesbian-coded best friend who is SICK of hearing about this girl. or maybe shes just always been there, but he’s never considered her because they’ve been friends for so long, they’ve known each other since they were kids, maybe she isnt even on the table and she’s dating his friend, or she was dating his friend, or maybe…because she’s the sister of his friend. his friends TWIN sister. see where i’m going with this? it’s dee. dee and charlie are the b couple. the dwight and angela. they’re the obvious couple.maybe you didn’t see it at first but once it’s suggested you can’t unsee it. and when they DO get together. it’s like they always were. they’re the caring, devoted, consistent couple that the audience can lean on when things get messy in the other characters relationships. and yet. dee and charlie already DID get together. and apparently they hated it. hated it so much that charlie (the poor guy trope) wanted to stop and dee (girl next door trope) FORCES him to finish. not to mention neither of them seem all that interested in a caring consistent relationship. at least not with each other. why would they be?

and what would a B couple be without an A couple? but how do you even go about satirizing an A couple? they’re meant to stay in a “will they won’t they” for at least five seasons, and when they inevitably do get together it’s full of cheating and lying and breaks. cause thats what makes an A couple interesting to watch. they’re “meant to be” and yet still have to work through the issues that all relationships face. and if it’s a sitcom this is usually funny because all the audience and characters have ever wanted was for the A couple to be official, but now that they are there’s somehow even MORE conflict within the show. sound like anyone? macdennis. but dennis (leading man) wasn’t prepared for a SECOND leading MAN. no one ever told him he was going to be expected to share the limelight. he assumed he’d meet his girl and he would know and so would she and then she’d happily stand behind him forever. not next to him. she certainly wouldn’t ever try and step IN FRONT OF DENNIS. like mac does. now remember that none of the characters, except possibly dee, know that they are filling out a trope. but dennis is the golden god. of course he knows. and that is why he is or was or whatever actively ensuring that he and mac would never be together in a way that could potentially over shadow denniss “guaranteed” leading lady, and more importantly dennis. and even more important. leading men. are not. and have never. been gay. (debatable but i digress)

so a couple b couple who cares? i cares. cause taylor swift doesn’t rape the guy at the end of “You Belong With Me”. b couples exist as a more palatable A couple. meant to be without the drama. so this is extremely out of trope for chardee. yk what ELSE is out of trope? macs coming out. yeah we’ve all touched on how fucked that must’ve felt from dens pov but here’s the thing. by coming out, mac was able to confirm that the A couple, in fact, WILL. and most likely already HAVE. but he did this alone. he and dennis didn’t come out together, mac doesn’t think about dennis at all in find his pride, mac being gay is his. and that leaves dennis with…the knowledge that he and mac ARE the A couple. not only that, but apparently mac can satisfy that trope all by himself. macs outness is obnoxious. it’s like he’s bragging about it. showing it off. it’s how everything was, but. worse. he doesn’t even need anyone to do the annoying A couple stuff, the parade around, the delusion that no one could have possibly known. he doesn’t need dennis. but it’s pretty clear that at least some part of mac still WANTS dennis. and was expecting dennis to too. but that’s not real life. imagine you’re in a “will they won’t they” for DECADES and then, out of nowhere, ur partner says “yeah no we will.” and everyone believes them. they don’t even need to spare a glance at you because they’ve always kinda known and now thanks to “your other half” they always will know for sure. no matter what you do. now there’s an expectation.

and (full circle u guys) dennis’ trope doesn’t usually call for meeting expectations. he’s attractive and charming, he’s supposed to be able to coast until he looks up and realizes he gs everything he ever wanted. but now he’s 44. and he has everything he never wanted. his abusive (not)father is best friends and the father of? HIS highschool best friend, his other best friend is an asshole who is somehow an asshole abt: being gay, dennis being gay, being gay for dennis, dennis not validating that when he expected him to. and his sister, who has been firmly planted against him since they were kids. hes starving and he’s a legit alcoholic, the gross kind, and all he’s ever done is get a diagnosis that makes his friends treat him weird and abandon his son who is named after a stranger to everyone. and i’ll prolly make a king post abt it but dennis has been showing subtle signs of edging towards (another) extreme breaking point and idk what it’s abt (fingers crossed mac uwu ihatemyself )but i’m just saying that dennis’ mentality has kind of always directed the group in a direct way (whether dynamics, psyche, finances, lives, time, etc) so that’s innerestin

and so now i say the most cracked out part of the post. this theory is giving me untapped amounts of hope that the only way the show can end is with the gang finally settling and finding happiness or they all commit group suicide. and idk abt u but those are the only two endings i’m interested in seeing.

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