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#idk even. small things. i guess.
anaalnathrakhs · 16 days
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i keep needing to remind myself that my parents are allowed to have priorities and are under no obligation to coddle me at all times, but i don't know i guess it still kind of hurts to be incompatible with them like that. i don't hate my parents, i get along with them quite well actually. but living with them is hellish. i don't know why i'm fucked up like that but so far it seems to have been pretty consistent since birth so. i don't think im getting out of it.
#idk even. small things. i guess.#before christmas we had long conversations w my mom during which i explained WHY i dont like gifts#and we settled on my parents only giving me a card and some small thing if they reaaaaally felt like it#(they did ofc and they fumbled btw it was a complete miss but it's alright i didn't tell them)#and now at easter my mom asks ''and can the easter bunny gift you something'' so im like......... ''i you WANT i guess''#so yeah she gave me (bulimic. hates gifts. already not in a good place mentally.) chocolates anyway#and it's like. on one hand i want to respect that she knows her own priorities and shit and i can ask for things but i can't DEMAND them#but also i feel like everything is a joke. are you kidding me. was that fucking chocolate chicken THAT important to you.#it's just grjkehrkgherj we HAVE to always do what we HAVE to do because it's NORMAL and COMMON COURTESY#and like im not demanding from my parents to change the way they like to interact w family or smth#but then it sets up unwinnable situations.#aunt cuntbitch is saying bigoted shit? well tell her so if you're not happy!#then proceed to look at you like 👁💥👁 when you say ''hey i think that's inappropriate bc X and Y argument''#it's just ????? stop pretending you're some kind of champion of fairness and conflict resolution when your goal is just not to make waves#i'm 100% guilty of this too but i've been recently noticing that uhm. i kind of was raised like that actually.#broadcasting my misery#vent
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the---hermit · 4 months
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Buying evidently queer books with my mom feeling 100% comfortable asking her to hold them for me as i do something else is something i didn't know i needed.
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skunkes · 6 months
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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.
any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc
#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments#talkys#inspired by recent me and friend events#and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person#and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes#its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio#but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being#ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em#long post#delete later#sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late#but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different#people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people#this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the#time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling#part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info#like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life#but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em#some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things#and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^
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specialshinytrinkets · 10 months
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The weirdest gripe I have with Mr Small enjoyers part of the fanbase is as to why he was unanimously agreed to be Canadian
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Is it some sort of American thing I don't understand or?????????
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charliecharmeleon · 20 days
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ive been very inactive here (and everywhere) lately and one of the (many) reasons why is bc i was busy making this little calico critter house/kitchen for my friend katie's birthday! it took many weeks and a lot of work and i learned a lot of new things in the process lol but im pretty pleased w how it turned out!
i bought some things secondhand (the bunnies (obviously), the bigger furniture (fridge, sink, oven, table+chairs, big shelf), and the food/drinks/kitchenware), but a lot of it is made by hand! a number of things here are made of modeling clay which is something ive been working with more and more and i think im starting to get the hang of
some detail shots:
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and also this foil dispenser and this oven mitt i made!
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and here is the cake i made for her too ft her dog! ive been a busy little bee
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Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...
I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)
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SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?
(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)
Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?
#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample#around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!'#or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then#the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later#HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone#if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours#of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof#people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed#that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional#except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see#it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk#And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests#are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just#chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac#ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was#too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them#quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol..#ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof#of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the#tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character#focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about#people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol...#This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough...#yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah..#Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe#that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you#entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that#in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did#do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..
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steelthroat · 5 months
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"Anger is not enough"
Why can't I have the kind of anger that makes people take me seriously? The kind of anger that makes me break things and scream and appear big and dangerous? Why am I stuck with the kind of anger that makes my body itch, that makes me lose my breath and my eyes swell with tears?
Why can't it last? Why do I want it to be over so soon?
Thanks to my anger, I can reach impossible heights, but then the fall is so sudden and painful that it just leaves me desperate for the warm embrace that only this soil can give me.
Why does anger work for others but not for me?How can I make it work for me? What will it take for people to notice this pain when neither floods nor fires are enough?
What will it take you to listen to me when my battle-cry or my pleads for help go unheard? What will it take you to acknowledge my presence and to change the way things go?
What will it take you to respect me? How can I become the detail you won't be able to ignore anymore? When will I cease to be the thing you try to hide away from the rest of the world?
What kind of monstrous act of violence will I have to commit to please you- to get your attention?
...
How can I make you to fear me?
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mumblesplash · 1 year
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getting better at drawing when you’re not trying for realism is kinda funny bc it’s like wow now my art looks even MORE like the exact midpoint between old-school disney and late 2010s anime. i didn’t think it was possible and yet i’ve done it again. inspiring
#and soon? even More.#there’s also the additional layer of not being able to explain what about my art is better than it used to be#like idk what to tell u it’s just better now. all my old stuff is crap compared to this. leaps and bounds#source: dude trust me#tbh i think my artistic abilities probably seem much more consistent from an outside pov#bc i never want to draw anything i can’t draw#like if i TRIED to draw that cuteguy stoplight drawing a few months ago it would have looked terrible#but i wouldn’t have tried bc i wouldn’t have wanted to bc i couldn’t you see#that’s the thing about art it never feels any easier#if you start out frustrated by your skill falling short of your vision guess what#your vision will continue to improve as you gain skill and that frustration never goes away#but it also never feels any harder#my first experience with drawing was being pleasantly surprised to find my skill slightly exceeded my aspirations#(i was 3 and my aspirations were draw a duck)#and you know what. to this day the pleasant surprise remains#what i’m saying is dream small stay in your comfort zone and do not strive for great things#cannot recommend complacency enough#this isn’t sports you don’t get gains through effort you get gains and then the effort happens on accident#don’t listen to me i probably don’t know what i’m talking about#but i AM having more fun drawing than you so maybe i’m onto something#impossible to say#i’m certainly not smart enough to figure that out i’m an idiot have you seen the kind of advice i give#mumbling
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moe-broey · 6 months
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GIRL......................... suspension of disbelief I know but.
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Obviously you can pick out a BUNCH of the dragons as that Is an ongoing trope (dragons aging differently than humans, so they can look younger than they "actually are") (also while I did try to avoid including them to make them more comparable to Nino, I think Flayn can fit in either category for the purposes of The Context -- esp cause her dragon blood is meant to be secret)
Not only do we have Heroes skewing younger (a lot fitting into another trope of What If There Was A Baby Sister) we also have Baby Banner. Where the whole point is they are baby.
LIKE....... maybe I'm speaking way too soon and maybe the whole point IS this will backfire LMFAO, but it IS absurd to be presented with her art (which, def still looks youthful!) and having her say yeah I can pass as a kidnapped child. Which COULD be true! But also what do you mean no one is going to know you're a part of the Heroes. Why is no one fighting her on this. Not even including the dragons there are like a handful of Heroes who fit into her exact vibe. Some even MORE baby than her.
#fire emblem#feh#and that's not even factoring in charas like nyx (who's whole thing is she 'looks younger' than she is)#which. tbh. i personally never saw even in fates. like. that's just a short small woman. they do exist.#and adding to that are the other charas who read as short small women to me like celine (before i knew her in-game age is 17)#and eitri#and also youthful charas who are treated as younger yes but also as full fledged adults in their own right. like lissa#(treatment mostly comes from chrom tbh which is understandable LMFAO)#OH and that's not even looking at all the second gen/child units from awakening/fates/other games that include that#which i think is just genealogy and thracia??? i'm not familiar enough w those titles though#also like. in general. a lot of fe charas who have official ages are teens. nino is 15. i think ike was like 16 in por????#which like! still a kid! but also! idk even what the difference is. is it just that ones a sweet looking girl#and the other is a boy who was trained to kill for as long as he's been alive (very lovingly by the rare good dad in fe)#i mean. i guess that makes a difference.#OH MAN I COULD HAVE INCLUDED LYSITHEA INSTEAD OF FLAYN. ALSO fits the bill perfectly#VERONICA WAS 13 WHEN WE MET HER AND SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CONSIDERED TO BE A CATEGORY 10 THREAT#SORRY i'm nitpicking like crazy LMFAOOOO but like. the people of askr should not be fazed by anything anymore.#and you would think whoever is causing problems like bandits or what have you. you'd think they'd adapt.#SANAKI. ALSO. WHO IS WHY WE KNOW VERONICA'S AGE ROUGHLY IN THE FIRST PLACE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#okay i swear i'm done now. good by forevwr 👍#fe nino
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crepegosette · 1 year
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a quick doodle
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lesbiangiratina · 4 months
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i was wondering if you would ever be interested in making guilty gear fanslations because you seem to know japanese. no pressure im just curious or perhaps nosy
Nahhhhhhh i dont claim to know more than a relatively little amount i just get curious about stuff so i end up Researching often lol. Like machine translating stuff to get a general gist then checking out certain words and phrases in dictionaries and stuff. Jisho and wiktionary i love you. Also being friends with actual translators helps i can bug them with questions if i get desperate . Heart
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gregmarriage · 2 months
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currently trying to find a balance between being close friends with people and putting my all into relationships, and keeping them at arms length and it being semi casual, so i don’t hurt myself
#i don’t wanna push people away or isolate myself#it’s just friendship is harddddd#especially right now as i’m still dealing with a lot#like i’m mostly recovered from the manic episode#i just wanna put things in place in my life so i can better deal#not just in the event i’m manic but just in general#tho honestly all i seem to do lately is fix my life and it doesn’t really happen#but i keep trying because what else can i do?#i guess i’m just trying to take things slow#but also my fatal flaw is my impatience#but honestly anybody in my situation probably would be#no one wants to sit around for things to get better#even if i’m doing it for myself i’m still waiting as i put things in place#bc nothing happens instantly#soooo 🤷🏻‍♀️#idk i’m kinda torn between hating small talk and also kinda needing it?#like putting everything into relationships is exhausting#just talking casually is kinda easier for me rn#and i need to find better ways to deal bc i can’t just trauma dump on my friends#even if they’re fine with it#it’s not healthy#a certain level of talking about your problems is fine but there’s a stage where it gets to be you should probably be talking to a therapist#instead of a friend#bc your friend can only help you so much and distractions only go so far#you need like actual help at some point#even if you won’t admit it to yourself#bc honestly i’ve been through this a million times#and you always have to hit rock bottom before you admit you’re in too deep#i hit my rock bottom recently#and now i’m crawling out and paving over that hole i fell through
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leonsi · 2 years
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seeing all these rottmnt/2012 crossovers bash on the 2012 bros’ relationship with each other is kiiindaaa upsetting as someone who’s uncomfortable with expressing and receiving overt affection
but hey what do i know i probablyy just have all toxic unhealthy relationships where we never understand each other and share mutual trust and love *twirls hair*
the 2012 bros may not openly express their love like the rottmnt boys do, but that doesnt mean its not there. and acting like the rottmnt relationships are automatically better and the only Right standard for healthy relationships seems pretty,, juvenile and inexperienced imo. love isnt only expressed through physical affection and saying things like “i love you,” openly, and assuming there is no love in a relationship without those things is… odd.
love is not only in words or hugs. the 2012 boys can love each other just as much as the rottmnt boys without being open about it. 2012 raph, especially, loves to show affection through acts of service, physical affection, and quality time, but he doesn’t like any of this to be commented on because it makes him uncomfortable. and thats okay! he doesn’t need to express affection openly to have it be there.
just as rottmnt donnie can express love and affection outside of hugs and words, so too can the 2012 boys. they all have their own unique ways of expressing love that the others all respect and recognize, and dismissing that feels less like it’s intentional, and more like the people writing these crossovers just don’t recognize alternate forms of expression exist. which, again,, reeks of inexperience.
( also semi-related tangent speaking of donnie he literally fucking . put a shock collar on his brother like he’s a dog in an attempt to change him. and brainwashed his brothers. and frequently puts his own wants and needs over their own - which is totally fine, if it didn’t happen all the time. it’s kinda laughable to say 2012 raph is worse than rottmnt donnie honestly
siblings hit each other. okay. siblings hit each other. i need y’all to recognize this. i will power drive my little brother into the floor over the last oreo. siblings hitting each other is not abusive (TYPICALLY) because there are established boundaries both parties abide by. like i will never touch my siblings if they are in a bad mood, trying to concentrate on something, or otherwise in a bad position (like standing somewhere dangerous, by a corner etc), and i will never intentionally hurt them. if i think they are actually hurt, we stop immediately until they tell me theyre fine. roughhousing with your siblings is fun. it is bonding. its a self-esteem booster to be able to pick up ur freshman brother okay.
the 2012 bros always abide by these rules. they never hurt each other beyond what the other party can handle, and if they do, it is very clearly treated as a bad thing by them or the other brothers so they realize they went over the line, and they resolve it by the end of the episode (as is the way of formulaic kids shows).
rottmnt donnie. put a fucking shock collar on his brother. and this is funny to him. and not something he ever learns from. and totally not weirdly sexual. But 2012 raph is the bad guy? ok )
i mean. i dont know what i expect from a fandom full of chronically online children who truly dont have experience with relationships. but it just really irks me for some reason and its currently one in the morning so im feeling whiny about it.
affection outside of words and hugs exists. affection outside of words and hugs exist!! and if you know that then you know that the 2012 boys love each other so so so much, just as much as rottmnt. just because they express it differently than in sanitized queer TV shows and not overtly, so you kinda have to pick up on nuance, doesnt mean they dont love each other. let people love other people in non-overt ways!
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insulationsun · 1 year
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i do think it says a lot about kris + spam similarities  that  what spamton projects onto kris actually works  on them sdjgfdgk
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dallonwrites · 1 year
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More than anything, he wants to smoke, but he can’t, knows he can’t, so he presses his head against the wall and tries to remember how to distract himself. What the books he borrowed said to do, the ones that he forgot to finish but hey, at least he had cigarette savings to spend on library fees. He needs something tangible, productive, keeps his hands busy, which trying to think of something makes him want to rip his hair out, which he can’t do because he just washed it and the soft curls are probably his prettiest part.
this man’s internal voice....
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dawntheduckrb · 4 months
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They put me downstairs at work :(
All thumb healing progress was undone in one evening apparently. It actually felt mostly fine on Sunday, until after work. They put me in an area I'm rarely sent to on Sunday evening, and I had to do a ton of heavy lifting. My arms are sore but it's like a post-exercise soreness (painful, but still very normal). My thumb felt fine allllllll day today, until I started to draw. Even with breaks, it still feels super tense, and now it's hurting even when I'm not using it. I'm gonna take that as a sign to stop for the night lol
I have one drawing I want to finish before school starts back up, because I'm worried it'll distract me if I don't have it done before then. Of course, if my hand prevents from finishing it, I'll manage, but that'd suck :')
On a lighter tone I feel very strongly about this cat in a blanket I found, I don't know why it amuses me so much but it's such a mood
#for those of you who dont know; i work at a package sorting/distribution center#I'm normally in the small package team where people who can't constantly lift stuff go (i have double curve scoliosis and back hurty)#but they moved me downstairs to a truck loading area to help the people that are normally there#most packages come from a series of overhang chutes and I didn't have to do anything with them#but everything thats too big/heavy/oddly shaped comes down a seperate larger belt system#these have to be manually sorted#my job was to take a barcode scanner and find a barcode on each package#then a little printer i was holding would make a sticker w/ that package's destination after i scanned its barcode#the thing is#those packages got up to 80 lbs and sometimes the barcode label was on the very bottom#i had to flip quite a few packages in a hurry because that belt does not stop while I'm printing the stickers#i guess between holding the barcode scanner and flipping over ridiculously heavy boxes#i completely destroyed my thumb again#splatoon didn't give me a problem today but i guess i dont really use my thumb much for that game#and even still#i took a whole four hour break between that and trying to draw#and i didnt even draw for that long#but now moving my thumb hurts worse than it did last week#idk what im gonna do when school starts :/#this is where i'd say 'crying and sobbing atm' but im actually starting to tear up holy shit#wanted to post a drawing tonight but i cant finish it :') gonna grab some chocolate and curl up into a ball instead#will also try icing my hand tonight#i have also memorized those hand exercises and they are my lifeline right now
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