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no-see-um-incorrect · 3 months

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Cinnamon sugar

another BitterSweet Trio poly Fic!!! 🩷🍪🧡 Just in time for Valentine’s Day

Hope you enjoy

No TW this time (unless there’s something I missed then please tell me)

“…Al are you sure about this?” Seth‘s voice was filled with concern as he watches his boyfriend balancing precariously on a step ladder and a few books “almost…got it..HAHA!-WHOW!” Alphonse loses his footing and falls backwards into Seth’s arms much to the smaller man’s irritation “I got it~” Al waves a fairly large, seemingly handmade book in Seth’s face before hopping out of his arms

“holy shit! is that your pops old recipe book?” Al slides into the kitchen and tosses the recipe book on the counter and Seth hops on the stool “hell yeah it is! and I’m lucky my dad made these recipes dumbass proof” “why? He knew how to cook” “HE did. me and my Ma? Nah. Better have home insurance” seth laughed and Alphones fliped the pages. Each page felt sturdy, like they got stronger with age. “He practically drilled them in my head. said “your gonna need to make food for your loved ones one day”” seth smiled down at the book of recipes “....little did he know I’d still be feeding you” Al leant over the counter to kiss his forehead, seth's face turned bright red still not quite used to that….from either of them and i don't think he ever will. “Um i *ahem* why ya getting this stuff out?” al snickers at his reaction “bet he'd have never guessed id have two people to care for~” Al attempts to lean in for a kiss but seth pushes his face away “aw come on! No kiss for ya Boi!?” “you'll get a kiss when you can stay on task” al sighs and continues reading the recipe “french toast bake plus strawberries”

“so you wanna make breakfast as a surprise for sugar?” “I need some help....and you take direction well-OW!” Seth smacks Al’s shoulder then gestures to the book “okok!..there's a list of stuff here. You get that i'll get the bowls and shit”

“And in the oven it goes. see~ i told you we could cook without catching the house on fire” “hold on now theres still time during baking” they both laugh ending in a comfortable silence.

“I'm honestly surprised sugar aint’ up yet” “well that just means we have a little more time..got any ideas?” seth thinks for a moment a devious grin appearing across his face “...yea i got one” Al slides onto the counter in front of seth “oh yea and what's tha-HM” Seth pulls him into a kiss by the collar of his sweater. The kiss lasted a few seconds when seth pulls away “how's that as a kiss for “Ya Boi” sufficient enough?” a few seconds of silence and adoring eye contact before Al speaks up “......Your gay” “THIS is why i don't try” seth attempts to walk away but gets trapped by Al’s legs “Get back here cowboy~” Al wraps his arms around seth's neck “hey~ i love you” “i love you too ya goof” “im serious. Your the cinnamon to my cinnamon sugar toast OH and Boo’s the bread cause they bake And without them…we wouldn't be together” “aw Al….that’s really sweet” they press their foreheads together basking in the soft embrace of each other

“OK who turned off my alarm!”

They both chuckle hearing their partner from the other room “Good morning Boo!” “mornin’ sugar”

I hear sugarboo’s footsteps. Alphonse hops off the counter to avoid getting scolded “oOoO something smells good in here!” “Al got the bright idea to turn your alarm off and wake me up to make breakfast” “well I don’t see the fire extinguisher anywhere, so I’m assuming everything went smoothly” Sugarboo gives them both well-deserved kisses. and sits on the barstool. The timer went off, and Alphonse is very careful taking the dish out of the oven “happy Valentine’s Day Boo!” “holy shit! That looks really fucking good! Whose recipe did you use?!” “my dad’s. he used to keep a book of all of um’ and I wanted to cook some breakfast for my two favorite people” Seth wraps his arm around Alphonse’s waist. Boo smiles with adoration in their eyes looking at their boys

“you know I’m really proud of you two. Not just for cooking, but for making it this far. You make me feel so fucking lucky” they push themselves up and wrap their arms around Alphonse and Seth

“Happy Valentine’s Day boys” they hold each other tightly and contently

“aright now let’s eat I’m fucking starving”

——————————————————————

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone🫶

I hope you all are having a great day rather celebrating alone or with someone else

Hope you enjoyed this little thing with the boys

#yuurivoice #writing #yuurivoice seth #yuurivoice fic #yuurivoice alphonse #yuurivoice sugarboo #bittersweet trio #fluff and only fluff #happy Valentine’s Day

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jazzyblusnowflake · 1 month

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First off, just wanna say you’re one of my favorite md creators when it comes to art and commentary ❤️ ty for being cool n stuff

Secondly, got any more nuzi headcanons or aus in mind? Would love to hear about them.

oh shit people ACTUALLY read my commentaries???

shit, welp time to relocate and change my identity-

and oop i have a lot of AUs, its just that not all of them are nuzi centered XD i mean Nuzi eventually happens, its just that its not the center of the story.

here are some:

i have some personal Reverse Solver au with ocs which is basically an overglorified future au with fankids and humans and aliens and Tessa being alive and new types of drones >:)

i have a Nuzi personality Switch&Swap au which im hoping to draw later on- cuz i already have some story snippets decided on it >:3

i have a massive Human au which i still dont have a name for yet smh- which is very crime, mystery and horror related, the romance comes as a thing that happens during the story- which has a lot of ships that yall probably have seen @keebokuun draw some of uwu basically Uzi is a semi-handicapped girl in the future year of 2371- who in searching for the mystery behind her mothers death, gets stuck in a story way bigger than herself.

i have an Unsolver au in which the solver is just simply a super advanced AI with a sense of indeviduality and the horrors basically just dont happen. Cyn gets to grow as a host, Tessa becomes the head of the mechanical maintanance devision in JCJ, and the disassembler drones are transformed willingly without any gore or beheading lmao. the purpose and plot of the story is something different from the original show, but they eventually do meet Uzi and the others later. its just that the story is a bit extra sunshine and rainbows just cuz i want the characters to have a good ending 😭

Theres the Exorsists au which i posted about a while back :"3 - though this and the Unsolver au are pretty recent and im not sure where to go with them yet, or if i ever will lol but they are fun to think about uwu

anyway i think thats all i can think of for NOW- yall cant keep my brain down for too long lmao- id make a Siren/Mermaid au too but honestly i feel like thats a bit too easy for me, i like a challange- >:3

#snowballflo #snow rambles #murder drones #nuzi #biscuitbites #enzi #uzi doorman #serial designation n #tessa james elliot #absolute solver

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werewolf-girlfriend · 10 months

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ive been enabled so let me share some of my thoughts on how to get ur art noticed online

if u want Engagement on ur posts then i believe that its critical to make people care about ur art. the easiest way to do this is to appeal to something they already care about, like fandom, aesthetics/subculture, current events, having fun (people love humor!). a harder but perhaps more fulfilling route is to talk about ur own ocs and projects enough until people start caring about them too

theres an infinite amount of topics people care about out there so id suggest picking something u already care about urself and channel ur art energy there. trying to make art for the most popular things out there regardless own interests is an exercise in misery, id advise against it..! if im allowed to get superstitious for a moment, i do believe that even untrained eyes can tell whether a piece of art was fun to work on or a chore. and besides! if ur having fun then its easier to create more, and the more u create the more chances ull have at getting lucky and having a post seen :)

on a very related note, art is a way to communicate ideas so the quality of the idea being presented in a piece of art is paramount to how popular a post will be. what i mean by this is that technical skill isnt the primary determinant of a posts popularity. if all your posts are portraits of original characters then people will have a hard time connecting with your posts and theyll keep scrolling, even if those portraits are masterpieces! the major exception to this is probably other artists, who ive found usually have a greater appreciation for the technical side of art (we can only speculate as to why..!)

lemme finish by saying that making popular posts and being good at art are two entirely different skillsets, ive seen many incredibly skilled artists with jack shit for notes because they dont give people a reason to care about their stuff NOT TO MENTION its a huge game of luck whether a post will get seen. so dont go insane in pursuit of recognition!

(i dont want to make this post too long so ive included examples from my own art and their note counts with my analysis after the break)

hello and welcome to the extracurricular segment to this post :) i bring yall two pieces from my art blog @werewolf-artfriend:

here we have a portrait of my fursona that im still proud of and a sketch suggesting "what if sniffers (from minecraft) were the size of mountains?" (let it be noted that the sniffer sketch was posted right during the minecraft mob vote = peak interest in the subject of sniffers).

the portrait at the time of writing has a crisp 30 notes, whilst the sniffer sketch has over 2000 notes. from the same artist, on the same blog, posted only a few months apart. i believe this is a good example both of the power of a piece of art having an interesting idea at its core AND of a piece appealing to the interests of the masses

this is of course just two convenient example posts, but i have experienced fan art of popular topics getting thousands of notes a couple of times now, amidst my other furry shit that these days get around 200-300 notes in comparison

this may sound like a really long winded way of saying "fan art make the world go round" but i just want to point out the nuances that

1) it matters what u make fan art of: if a fandom is small or dormant (waiting on new canon content for example) then clearly less people will be excited about the fan art you make. dont expect 10k notes on ur post if the average recent post in the fandom gets around 200 etc etc

2) it doesnt have to be fan art! ive also had some of my bird art get thousands of notes because people simply like birds :) and this applies to ANY topic people care about! the world rly is your oyster on this one

anyway i think ive started rambling dhgdjhgd thanks if u read this far! i hope i got my point across! and if ur feeling down about ur art not being seen then just keep at it okay! keep creating and keep having fun! keep sharing ur ideas and perspectives with the world and ur audience will eventually find u! i love you!

#i dont know if this stuff is obvious but i was like :o when i started viewing things this way! i think it makes sense!#i honestly still have more thoughts on this subject + some more practical advice from my experience #but ive never written a long talk-y post before so uh maybe another day <3 #isa speaks

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blackheart-6 · 1 month

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noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

#art #my art #digital art #deltarune #noelle holiday #deltarune noelle #age chart #age progression chart #progression chart #finally did this #(i mentioned doing it awhile ago)#im kinda mixed on my feelings about this #but if yalls wanna know about that i talk all out it!#this took forever lol #also #trans #transgender #trans noelle #gotta love transbian noelle ^^

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ankhisms · 7 months

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signed up for auditions for midsummer nights dream for another local theater group which i havent done anything with before (they havent had any auditions for any shows that i would be interested in/have any roles that would suit me until now) and i feel a bit nervous..

midsummer is a very special play to me it was the play i saw when i was little that made me fall in love with stage theater and got me started acting in the theater i grew up in, i was in a production of it in the theater i grew up in aroind 2016 as helena and i feel like that was one of my personal favorite roles ive done and i still do one of the monologues of helena for auditions but i dont really want to necessarily play helena AGAIN u know i just really would like. any part.

i hate feeling like im being bitter bc i dont want to be bitter or jealous or anything but it does kind of feel like in my local theater community 1. the theater college students of the big university are prioritized for roles because the uni has this weird thing where undergrad students arent allowed to perform in their shows which is frankly fucking absurd and on one hand i understand wanting to give the theater students experience due to that but like ive said before that theater groups arent upfront about favoring the uni students for auditions but once you notice that everyone casted in main roles is a student at the uni you cant stop noticing it yknow and theres been times where i know for certain that someone else who wasnt a uni student auditioned and couldve done the role better but was passed up for a uni student who didnt do as good of a job 2. in the theater that ive acted in its like they keep just casting the same 10-15 people in stuff even though theres a large amount of people auditioning and it seems like thats the case for the other local theater companies as well and its really frustrating because like yeah those 10-15 people are good actors, or at least id say most of them are, and the majority of the ones ive worked with are very nice people and good to work with and they deserve to get roles but its also like. okay i think maybe we should stop giving this one person the lead role every single time they audition and maybe give someone else a chance yeah.

all this to say im gonna try my best at my audition but im not about to get my hopes up when ive been auditioning for as many local things as i can for like the past two/almost three years now and have only gotten casted in two shows and then one special reading performance that i just did. im not about to give up bc this is my dream in life but it feels frustrating at times

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softxsuki · 1 year

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hiya!! if theres still a space open, could i req a valentines letter?

the fandom id like is tokyo revengers, and could i please request mikey?? :p

fem! reader <33

a pet name id like is probably baby or something along those lines sncjefien

relationship status : best friends to lovers?? weve known each other since we were little and hes been in love for years, and is now confessing :0

could the tone of the letter be a love letter? i dont really mind to be honest!

genre : fluff <3

location: maybe he gave the letter when he came over? maybe hid it somewhere to be found later on? or maybe asked draken to deliver it, either way idm!

other info: i has many older brothers (rip my life-) and maybe they might have helped mikey with writing the letter?? but the sano + my family have been close ever since mikey + her met at the sano dojo, and were best friends all our life.

if you need any more content, id be happy to give!! tysm have a great day <33

Mikey’s Confession Letter To His Friend

Valentine’s Day Letter Event Pt.2 (CLOSED)

Pairing: Mikey x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers

Post-Type: Letter

Word Count: 810

Summary: in which Draken pushes Mikey to finally confess to you

[A/N: Helloooooo, Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you so much for participating in my event. I hope you enjoy this <3]

“Hm, Draken? What are you doing here? Where’s Mikey?” You ask, confused at the tall man at your door instead of your best friend who was supposed to be coming over to your place.

“He’s being a wimp,” he sighs with a frown and hands you something, “Here, it’s from Mikey. He’ll be over soon, I’ll make sure of it.”

Then he walks away, waving you farewell over his shoulder without looking back.

Confused, you close your front door, but open the envelope Draken had given you. He said it was from Mikey, which makes you swallow. Was it a coincidence that today was Valentine’s Day and you were receiving a letter from your best friend who you had the biggest crush on? Or were you getting your hopes up for no reason? Only one way to find out…you begin to read the contents of the letter inside;

Dear Baby,

Okay wait, it’s weird to type that out already, when I haven’t even written anything yet…sorry, you’re probably shocked. That is what I want to call you–actually, it’s what I’ve been calling you in my head for the past few years now. You have no idea how hard it’s been to keep that petname to myself whenever we were together. It’s almost slipped from my mouth so many times.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, Y/N! This is my confession letter to you :D. I think my feelings for you were there since we first met at the Sano Dojo. I didn’t know girls could be tough too, so it made my heart flutter to see you fight so well, since it was something I was also good at. Though we were still kids at the time, so I don’t think I fully understood what those feelings meant, so I just wanted to be your friend.

But now the title of only friend isn’t enough…I need more. I need you. Your my partner in crime, and that will never change, but I want to hold your hand as more than friends, and kiss your lips instead of your cheek. I want to have a future together as lovers. So, will you do me the honor of being my Valentine this year? Will you be mine, baby?

Love,

Manjiro Sano.

You didn’t even get a chance to react to Mikey’s confession before Draken’s booming voice could be heard outside your door.

“I swear if you don’t hurry up and knock on that door. Stop being a wimp, Mikey!” Draken yells at his friend.

“Shut up, Ken-chin, I’m doing it! I’m no wimp,” the man behind the letter to you whines. You can almost imagine the pout on his lips, which makes your heart flutter in your chest.

With a thumping heart, you open the front door and find yourself face to face with Mikey, who has his hand raised as if he’s about to knock on the door.

“Oh, b-, Y/N! Haha,” he laughs nervously, his hand flying to his pockets where he stuffs them, “Funny seeing you here.”

“You idiot, this is her house. Why wouldn’t she be here?” Draken sighs, slapping him upside the head, and shoves him inside, before Mikey could run off.

“It’s about time you both got this over and done with. How blind can you both be…” Draken grumbles before stomping off.

Mikey was nervous–that was something you’d never seen before. He was always full of confidence, never scared of anything…

Mikey glares at his taller friend as he walks away before facing you again.

“Heh, ignore him Y/N,” he laughs, closing the door behind him and making himself at home, as he throws himself on your couch, like always.

“You like me?” You ask him causiously, butterlfiers erupting in your stomach at saying the words outloud. You almost regret them as soon as you say them as Mikey visibly freezes on the couch.

It’s quiet for a few moments between you before he turns around with a small smile and pats the space beside him.

“C’mere,” he invites you over to his side.

Your feet seem to move without you realizing, and before you know it, you’re inches away from his face, now sitting beside him on the couch.

“I think love is a better way to put it. I love you, Y/N,” he confesses, which makes all the air from your lungs vanish.

His confidence is back, and it’s more attractive than ever. This man was going to give you a heart attack. You slap his arm playfully and clutch your chest.

“Mikey! You can’t just say that without any warning, I’m hanging by a string here, you’re gonna kill me!”

He laughs at your dramatics, a glint in his eyes as they meet yours.

“So? Whaddya say?”

“You’re so lucky I love you too, you idiot. Of course I’ll be your Valentine.”

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Posted: 2/14/2023

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x reader #mikey x reader #manjiro x reader #manjiro sano x reader #manjiro sano #mikey sano

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multiplicity-positivity · 2 months

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hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine

#switching #fronting #frontstuck #leaving the front #specutien

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juni-ravenhall · 2 months

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whats ur non mainstream film taste then? genuinly curious to hear. as someone whos ended up in some weird ass corners of the film world like Neil breen Zachary Oberzan 0 budget stuff i love hearing what kind of weird indie corners other people have gotten into :3

i will talk a lot below that prob wont be interesting anyway, but i have to say first that i mostly stopped watching movies and now i mostly watch things @yasminewestbank chooses (not all the time but mostly) bc shes a movie nerd, so she picks movies that are usually either genuinely good or at least watchable, and if it was just me alone id prob not be bothering to watch those anyway, bc even a great movie just doesnt give me that much. i suffer from pretty severe apathy :( so if u want someone who hypes up genuinely good movies rather than me who is like "this is genuinely good but im still apathetic and dont really care" then yasmin is better to talk to. (im also generally more of a nonfiction type when it comes to video content, i could hype up Tasting History on youtube most days of the week but i struggle to hype up any movie at all. oh, and animated shorts, there are always some interesting student films and stuff.) the rest ⬇

my taste is usually "its [symbolic or not] critical commentary on something i care about" (feminism and misogyny, classism, bigotry, racism, the queer experience, abuse, trauma, violence, human self development, etc etc) or "its portraying human experiences [internal and external] in an interesting or just realistic way", like. realistic but in a highly specific meaning of realistic. i dont care about realism as a concept itself in art (realistic visuals or realistic setting or realistic costume etc i rly do not care about), what i mean is just about capturing a real essence of human brains and experiences, not copypasting stereotypical ideas without meaning. i can also enjoy some more abstract like david lynch bc its expressing human feelings and experiences in an appealing way. im really big on symbolic stuff and will just keep talking about what different parts of the movie meant or represented after i watch something w yasmin.

(edit to add... i should prob note that many of the movies i mention have adult content and heavy topics depending on who you ask? but i assume ppl who read this would already know to check ratings and warnings)

on the criticising / teaching side of meaningful, it would be for example, Poor Things [2023].... on the realistic / documenting side, for example Burning [2018] or Naked [1993], and i liked ryuusuke hamaguchi's movies Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy, and Drive My Car (tho that one has a really badly written scene in it by the end that i hated) for the characters too. i dont know if those are the best examples its more just off the top of my head. theres also mainstream movies that fit my criteria, so for that criticising / teaching side, there's for example Pleasantville [1998], and Pretty Woman, which yasmin told me ppl tend to hate, but if thats the case i think ppl really didnt understand what it was about (it showed so much about misogyny and class issues, coated in such a way that you could get average boomers to watch it as a "romantic" movie without being aware of the actual meaning of what youre going into, the same way pleasantville can be watched as a goofy gimmick movie without being aware of the meaning youre going into, tho pleasantville is heavyhanded by the end, and i guess pretty woman manages to still fly over ppls heads? but not too surprising considering all those mainstream things now will literally just explain every joke and every meaning.... its like all of media is mickey mouse clubhouse, you know?)

i more or less prefer to watch an animated short or a weird animation on youtube/social media than watching a good live action movie. some animated shorts i really liked recently are Au Revoir Jerome, GLOIRE AMERE 40000, and BOLAVLK/WEREAWOLF, and vewn stuff. and i like those Molly Moon game tiktoks, as an example of like, low production stuff…. i dont care at all how much money or time went into something, but bc im usually not actively seeking fiction video content on my own, its more about what falls into my lap by chance, or yasmin/someone shows me.

i thought of listing more movies but its kinda hard for me to remember them after a while (re: apathy). i remember i liked another one from the Poor Things guy called The Favourite but i barely remember what happens in it. I liked one called This Must Be The Place, and one called Annette. those are movies yasmin showed me or that she picked for us to try together.

oh, one movie i saw on my own that i liked a lot is And Then We Danced. it has some less good parts, but overall it for some reason really lives rent free in my head. it felt like i went and lived in georgia with the characters for an hour, idk, it was done in an immersive way that impressed me and i found appealing. another one i remember from years ago is Lille Soldat (little soldier) which i really enjoyed the main character in. that stuck with me. ive tried to find this movie to show to yasmin, but its been hard to find.

i used to watch lots of random movies (from different countries, different times in history, i had a phase where i watched a bunch of really old horror movies) but most of its been forgotten and then i just stopped watching movies whatsoever bc the mainstream ones are generally unwatchably bad and i didnt have motivation to go out of my way to find good movies anymore. its still hard even with good ones. like, The Square, and Triangle of Sadness, i watched with yasmin and it was fine, but i had already tried watching The Square alone and had to stop after a minute bc it just made me cringe and feel bored. but watching it together with her was fine and i did enjoy the meaning. so thats why i say i might not even be watching good movies if it was up to me alone....

if u werent interested in that ramble i hope u stopped reading before now for ur own good :D i have an opportunity to express myself in rambles -> i will express myself in rambles

#ask #answer #reply #anon #nonhorsgaem

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narcissisticpdcultureis · 6 months

Note

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

#not culture

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c0rv · 1 year

Note

do u have anything to share with the people about playing genshin with me everything is normal to me idk what bothers everyone

you have like 12 recipes and ur food inventory is abysmal

ur exploration in most areas is 20% or less, and even in mond i think ur highest is 60%? for an area

you have not done any reputation things at all except for when i was on your account and desperate for mora so i did them for you

you have the red exclamation things on every icon bc theres things the game wants you to check so bad you refuse to

you dont usually do your daily commissions

you refuse to read the game tutorials

you have like 20 quests in ur journal and id be impressed its even that low if not for the fact u could go to any city in game and theres so many npcs wanting to start shit

you have yet to do any hangouts

ur only world level 4

you havent even unlocked the camera gadget so i had to watch u try and take pictures inside a domain but bc u couldnt open the menu without leaving u just ended up taking screenshots with the ui and everything

ur teapot is still empty and u wonder why kaeya is getting companion exp so slowly

you didnt know u could craft higher level mob drops at the alchemy stand, you dont know what condensed resin is

you thought there were 20 floors in the spiral abyss

you only recently attempted the spiral abyss after over 2 years playing bc u thought the first 9 floors scaled higher if u leveled up higher

you didnt know about the graphics settings in the menu

you didnt know what the motion blur was

when i watch u fight enemies u dont keep ur camera on the enemies and seem to be shocked when u get surprised by them

you only recently started using healing food after i asked u to

you have like 3 5 star artifacts total

you were leveling an artifact and it kept going to def and i told u to stop and u didnt anyways cuz u dont know what the def stat means

you thought that 4 stars r limited only to the limited banners they appear on

you also thought u could only get diluc from the standard banner

you dont know what the crown of insight is

when in the windblume event shop u were looking at the mailed flower refinement materials and i had to beg u to buy them cuz u thought they were useless

to add onto the previous thing u didnt even know you could refine weapons until like. last week

when u were screensharing windblume and starting the rhythm game thing i told u u could change note speed cuz i know u prefer faster notes but u didnt open the menu and didnt figure out u could do it until several days later

ur werent gonna do the photo aspect of windblume bc u had to do a quest where u talk to a guy one time

when bubbles and u and i were gonna fight azhdaha u instead walked to the geovishap

u will open the domains for talent level up materials and ask me what they r for

u will ask me what u even need the talent level up stuff for and when i have u open the characters talents theyre all level 1

u still havent maxed out any statues of the seven, not even in mond or liyue so u dont have max stamina

u unlocked fishing in an attempt to get the catch for raiden but u still havent even bought the recipes for anything but the default bait

u only have the default namecard and 1 other namecard u got through achievements

when i was screensharing u were asking me what the sigils in my inventory were (the ones u use for a ton of shit in enkanomiya)

didnt realize until yesterday that the 5 stars have orange backgrounds

u were playing yaoyao and kept doing her burst and immediately switching off so it did nothing

i was watching u count ur wish history and i explictly said ur at 80 pity so a ten pull away from a 5 star and a week later u seemingly forgot and wished and were surprised to get a 5 star

u usually dont get the wishes in paimons bargains that reset every month unless i remind u

u thought u didnt get anything from the battlepass unless u paid for it

theres the whole boat thing where u. didnt know boats were in the game. so u just didnt unlock any waverider waypoints. u were icebridging to all the islands in inazuma

tbh im shocked u even finished the tcg tutorial

u thought if u gave characters healing artifacts they would just be able to heal even if thats not in their skill sets

u started the spiral abyss on accident with 2 characters in ur party

thats just what i thought of at the top of my head im sure ill remember more later ^_^ ur welcome taye. i didnt even bring up how u beg me to switch to childe so u can look at his balls

#asks #haganaz

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floralkittygambler · 1 year

Text

Coming and Going - Some More Vivzie Shit

Before you start, this is an extremely LONG read covering this account, my views of Viv, my content and my relationships within this Godforsaken fandom. This is my most up to date thoughts in 2023 on everything. This is something I feel necessary for me to do.

Contents (in no particular order):

Current Situation

Relationships in the fandom

Why I started this Blog

Thoughts on Viv/co and how they've changed since m previous posts

the fans

future thoughts and moving on

accountability

If any of this interests you, read ahead. Titles will be provided for easier following.

Why I started this blog

Originally this was a blog like any other; art, reblogs n shit. As I grew more into a Viv fan, I started posting fanart and follow blogs on her work. The more I learned the more I hated, and thus I began to become a critic. I was pissed off at viv wasting her potential, and eventually I became just as toxic and shitty as both her hardcore haters and majority of her fans. Some takes were good, some bad, either way I got too involved, too absorbed and let it consume me. Stupidly getting into conflicts, stuff like that. And I became a hardcore hater. I vocalised it. My initial aims long lost. Then I disappeared.

Vivzie, co, all that

I went from adoration to disgust of this lot. Now though, whilst I deeply dislike Viv and her crew, deeply dislike majority of the fans, I just feel... Gross. Hollow. Exhausted. I have a lot to say on Viv and my previous takes but truthfully I am too lazy and too tired and ultimately have better shit to do than go through every little thing right *now*. But I do want to at least cover a few here to do some justice, I guess.

So to skim through a few. Lets go.

Viv tracing. Honestly, tracing is a useful skill but it's bad when you trace another's work, don't credit and claim it as your own. This includes modified tracing (starting with a trace then stylising over it to make it more your style). Having nazi, nonce, etc characters I think people take extreme. These sorts make excellent "love to hate them" villains. Owning such characters isn't a crime. It's how theyre portrayed and the purpose. The nuance - something to constantly keep in mind. Her romanticism sausage party art is yikes. With her age, maturity, humour, I believe she saw this as some kind of fucked up humour, having enough awareness to understand the taboo to hide this stuff yet I do feel this was a stupid kid doing stupid edgy shit. Does that make it right? No. But I definitely dont think Viv is some nonce or nazi supporter. Later finding out how this profile was discovered makes me equally question morality on all sides. Vivs beastiality nonce artwork with the snake tub, Ive seen private dms to solidify that viv admitted to both owning this piece and that it was supposed to be a joke. Once again, I genuinely dont think shes a nonce BUT she needs to realise that if that character was below 18, she has drawn child prawn (censorship whooo) as well as distributed it via sharing online. That's still something really serious and gross. I get her humour is immature and dark, but theres lines you dont cross. And I dont find that art funny in any ways, it genuinely looks like a perverts wank bank rather than funny. Idk if the lad was one of them shapeshifting animals either but being in a human form in this instance does make the portrayal a beastiality one, due to human presenting. That's not cool. As much as I loathe those who would abuse kids or animals, I dont think this is Viv necessarily. Though I believe in this sense, Viv needs to understand and work with her cats more. She's done a lot of wrong shit but false accusations derail from solid proven issues that need addressing. At the least, Im glad the animal pervs and nonce stuff is gone. Heartbreaking that shit is so often heard of. This is the sort of thing Id laugh at as a kid but now Im grown and look after little ones, it fills me with nothing but sickening horror. Whilst vile vile vile, I havent seen anything concrete to prove or imply Viv supporting/participating in such depravity. And I fucking pray it stays that way.

You have apologised in the past. But the way you did so, the way you spoke about it afterwards and the way you are now proves it was insincere. Something to shut 'haters' up.

Viv, with all your shit, neurodiversity and late maturity, you're still yet to change for the better. The people you hang with are some of the most vile, toxic, narcissistic and shitty people. Yes men. You hire fans who'll do anything to please you, which can open the path to abuse (note: CAN, not a definitive, though in this case...). You equally are still a shitty person still. You're coming apart at the seams. Critique and hate aren't the same, and unfortunately you'll need adaptability and tough skin in this world as people can be very cruel. You lie. You twist like a constrictor. Charm the more susceptible. A very well known kissarse of yours on twitter who was quite the bully was followed by yourself, liked tweets then hired. They arent the only one either. Whilst you cannot be responsible for every single fans every single action, their are responsibilities you hold. Dont like tweets that encourage hate, dont reward negative behaviours, check your own public actions and how they may influence (act like a prick and those who admire you will mimic). Behind the scenes, treat people right. Dont play favourites. Always have integrity. Learn to incorporate critiques as well as filter out legitimate hate. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary to survive.

Viv, I can wholeheartedly empathise with receiving harsh hate early on in life and online. I know how that can taint and stunt the mind. But the thing is, you have to eventually break from that. BE responsible. Grow. Ive been toxic before. That's partially why I fixate on some of this. Equally Im angry. You ARE a VERY talented artist with potential. A shitty writer, do work on that (as well as diverse stories to tell - gain those experiences or listen to those who've been there - esp as you're doing this as a living) but when you're passionate about a piece, you're talented. And when you're not, you do what we all do and dole shite out (btw people thought I was bullying Viv when I said her P5 Alastor piece was bad in comparison to her other works. The proportions were awful, you could tell she just wanted it out the way. A startling lack of soul.) From what I've seen, you crave approval and admiration to compensate from the past cruelty. I can empathise. But that shit isnt healthy. And you block yourself from growth. You cultivate a tainted crop. You poison yourself. You sacrifice integrity and the gruelling work of improvement for the instant gratification of worship from fans by bending to their desires and your own at the cost of quality. What couldve been groundbreaking storytelling and visuals is nothing more than a glorified low-level fanfic. Wasted potential. Something I cant stand. I have been harsh as that same method helped me. In doing so, I disregarded your own humanity. I wish I conducted myself better and though I never encouraged abuse, I'm sorry that my words may have contributed to this shit cycle.

Your staff and many of your fans have... Concerning attributes, such as the fetishing of toxic relationships, blurred boundaries, disregard of boundaries, etc. The stark numbers of such unpleasant people flocking you is extremely worrying.

I do deeply dislike you. I do feel you have ultimately caused your own shit - been there - but I do pity you as well. I wish you'd go the effort to be you. To be less try hard. To allow growth and change, diversity, stop petting hatred. Get a better crowd, esp one willing to actually help you to be better by pointing shit out. To stop mass abusing others. I do dislike you greatly. I wish you would do better but all you've been doing is doubling down on shit. I feel Icarus needs to fly closer to the Sun for change to happen. It feels like the only way you may actually ground yourself and smell the roses. I just wish folk could be better as a whole. Sick of shit like this. Whilst no one is perfect, there's still standards to uphold. Growth to be had. Breach stereotypes and fetishes that dehumanise, work on yourself and your relationships with others. Careful on your humour and learn how to execute humour properly. Glad you're not doing beastiality art though. You cant please everyone and shouldnt have to in order to be admired and popular. Just be better. Also hating kids isnt a personality. I get not everyone cares about them but dont take shit too far. They can be gross and annoying but in the end they're just... Children. Theyre learning and growing. You can only hope they bloom into decent people. Admittedly a kid tripping is pretty funny but there's a limit. If you want to portray a creep, don't do anything that endorses their behaviours. Theyre vile, remember. No kid deserves that. Work on financing too. Medicating via shopping is a dangerous road. Dont bend to social pressures (such as getting wasted because friends do if you dont want to). Vet your staff. Better ethics.

Fandom

And the fans are just... A minority are lovely. I had a HuskerDust fan be respectful of our differences and hope the best for them. But the majority I've encountered or witnessed have been off their fucking heads. Often encouraged by Viv or staff. The staff and fans are now claiming that critics are homophobic racists falsely (which implies certain races, sexualities, identities, etc are absolved of criticism - which is both favouritism and it's own form of bigotry. Hell, it's spitting on the real victims of such crimes over mediocre cartoons and digital lunacy). These same people then insult people for... being cis and straight. Firstly, that's also bigotry and a dick move on identity and invalidation, it's also false in some cases (proving folks just spew shit), it demands special treatment for identities when we're all equal and deserve to be treated with equity, it's also just... Weak. Bigots can fuck off BUT many critiques have been about inconsistency in plots, writing and design issues, etc. Nothing pertaining identity.

Fans have been hypocritical like their idol. We're all hypocritical to an extent. But the madness... Ok, Blitzo uses retard (note: neurodivergant and have right to say that word, even then it also means delay "fire retardant" as well as where I live it's not nearly as bad as another term used yet is still fine in the US.) I think this isn't an issue as it can show things or speech patterns of the character. Then fans have falsely accused critics of ableism who either havent used the word, quoting this or even have right to say it yet coddle this fictional character. This was referenced in a recent episode with Blitzo about to call another character (rumours are this nurse is autistic but I do NOT have full confirmation. Pinch of salt!) retard before retracting it as it being unacceptable to say. Blitzo really wouldnt give a shit. Likewise I feel this is one of those permanant grey areas in fiction; is it? Isnt it? in terms of using terms. Of Mice and Men used slurs against black folk, that was to reflect that time and the character's mentalities. Not an author's mirror. Likewise, it wasn't used as humour either. Coming from ONE ND, I couldn't care. I feel this is hyperfocused on over more glaring issues, as well as a benefit of the doubt (being character mindset and possibly not author projection). Feel free to have your own opinions, and I only speak for myself there. I can empathise with those who may feel more sensitive to the word (which is why Im more careful in it's use) but as someone who is also technically affected, I just... Personally dont feel too bothered. Likewise, I'm learning to hold more human compassion and flexibility to error and human flaws rather than perfect standards (again, this wont justify or absolve. And more serious things like an assault doesnt apply. It's daft this needs clarifying, it should be the bare minimal). Not everyone will agree on everything, but there's just some lines that should be a standard. I think the staff and fans overall conduct themselves immaturely, cruelly, and cause harm.

I regret in engaging in some arguments. Not worth it. I think I shouldve been more compassionate to difference yet equally not been so volatile with harassment. HunterGirl's HD discord hate on me is... Something I shouldn't have fed. Hate me, that's fine. But the fact someone so close to Viv allowed the harassment is disappointing and shitty. Bitch behind the scenes but dont go out at people. Likewise behind the scenes talk, dont threaten folk either *Viv* (at one of your ex-staff). Call someone the biggest wanker you know but there are limits you dont cross. As with Viv and co, I once hoped for improvement but I just lack faith in that now and I'd just rather stay away from it all. Too much toxicity I've allowed myself to bathe in and hatred and venom only burns. Only burns more of the same product. It's not worth it. Don't even have the skills or assets to do any good from this either. If I can't help, itd be best to support those who can help whilst staying away from the vitriol. Stick to the facts and my own integrity. It's tiring to be involved in all... this. Again, I can only speak on myself hence why I'm only saying me shit. Any vents can be done to friends but otherwise none of this has resulted in any good. And I contributed to cruelty as well. It aint right.

Friendships

Bit more personal and past. Ive made many nice friends. Friends Im still friends with now, and I thank them. With certain issues arising, theyve been the anchors to ground and account me. Real friends. Friends that deserve to be shown more how appreciated they really are. Thank you. They have guided me into better awareness and accountability. We have our own little group now for art, gaming and hopefully any other group activities. Friend stuff. We'll rant, we'll vent, but we're actually doing friend shit now. Ive hyperfixated enough on negatives. Dragged others into an abyss with me. Its not fair for them.

There is a friend here, I think they dont see my stuff anymore idk. I was warned about them. Through all Ive seen and my experiences, I wish you to get help. Get off tumblr. Get off twitter. Both can be extremely toxic as well as cultivate toxicity. Be accountable. Get help. And focus on you. I still worry for you, though I am disgusted on some of your actions. Treat the living with respect. Learn that people will try to bait you. Let go of paranoia (not easy), confront your past and grow. And please... Dont lie. Dont lie about events that occur as you're creating your own misery. Learn to step back and not be so forceful and preachy. Been there, it's not a good place. Experience a diverse crowd on a human level. And please spend some time away from the internet. People really can be pricks sometimes. Even ourselves. You're also pretty hair trigger and tempered. A bit like me sometimes LOL. Learn to balance that. Trust me.

To mates on here who Ive only spoken to here, if you'd still like to be mates, I can link you our group if you're up for group art and gaming or activities, or to another social media account to chat.

To unanswered asks, I'll try but not promise to address them. Those which ended up deleted, I can only remember the one question sorry. And the answer is Sitri. Sitri would be a good HB replacement for Stolas, he's quite the love/lust expert and a focus on men. Fun chap! I had more for this answer but again, cant be arsed with this shit anymore. Sorry.

I joined a spindle critique group. What I learned is the union from bitterness isnt solid grounds for friendship. I wont go into details as it's a private and resolved matter. I shared the full log to current friends to have a neutral and raw take. These are friends I can trust will yank my chain if Im in the wrong. And they did. They spoke of the wrongs on both sides. These are folks who are guiding me to better. Folks I have trusted with the full log, full transparency. I appreciate you both and take your words into stride daily. To old friends, I would rather friends make their own choices. I never hated you, but was hurt on this other side of you. Likewise Im sorry to make you feel that way. Im sorry to have trauma dumped (recently discovered this term, and using it to manage myself better.) There was only one individual that I was given uneasy vibes on and made that clear from the start. I tried with them. For awhile, I even started to see them as a genuine friend. In the end, we were too clashing. We didn't mesh well. My initial feeling on the situation ultimately felt true. But when I open up about home issues and emotions, I dont want them weaponised. Especially as Ive been doing some irl work to find many holes in my perspective as well as others hard work in being involved with me. Things are different now. Never felt it needed in convo, I was too fixed on my own hurt. Home was self preservation at those times. I regret opening up over some personal issues. None of this absolves me of poorly handling situations and anger issues. Near the end, I felt more wary to be more open on certain things. But I shouldve been a better friend. I never liked how catty things got. Trolled. We all just became knobs in one way or another.

My ask to remove my triggers was me hoping to do good for you. Remove a trigger that would inevitably end up being a large part of the group sooner or later, maybe this summer. Especially as I 'lacked empathy'. I thought I was doing good. I never lied about it, and feel bitter that was twisted. If I explained something, I was wrong. Kept it brief, I was bitchy. I was willing to endure a trigger if it made things easier in the group, and the situation was more than a stupid ship. Ive had triggers Ive adapted to handle better now. And public, you are not entitled to my medical history however we're in an age where youre both valid and entitled to privacy yet must breach privacy to have a voice. I have an ED. A certain word wasn't even allowed in my presence without panic and flashbacks. I was a little girl then. And I managed to slowly ease the trigger word via gradual exposure - a replacement word, spelling the word, and eventually hearing the word. It - and what it has done to me - will always scar me. But I learned to handle it better in my own time. I dont need lecturing on how triggers work. Especially when each case is unique, each 'cure' is personalised. If you want to believe Im full of shit then... Do that. Im sorry for being a shitty friend at times and Im working on that, but outside opinions (note: these are done in private spaces so all parties are anon) have noted flaw on your end too. We all fucked up. The two things below the belt were the trigger claims (hence my example of my own experiences with another trigger) and my private issues shared in confidant are the two things I remain disgusted by. That doesnt justify my frustrations, dumping or behaviour. And my example is not a pity ploy either. We're separate now, and it's best that way.

Overall, being here, in this community and fandom, has done nothing but shit. Fuelled the worst in me and others (from what ive seen in public fandom spaces). I may do art and other creative endevours on spindle, but otherwise good riddance. Even if the purge is painful.

Another friend. Im in their group too. One to improve some creative skills. Appreciate being let in there, though I'll probably mainly lurk for tips. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Wording is honestly growing harder for me each day. It's helping me start the path of better expression.

Current and future

I word shit less. Not here, as this is long overdue. But trying to sum up more efficiently. Spending more time irl to improve myself and my life. Welcoming friends who we both can hold each other accountable and support. Focusing more on stuff to improve as well as enjoy. The world is so dismal. So I spend time doing other stuff. Im already mopey enough. Sorting things to refine and focus on enjoyments. Gaining skills to help others. Experienced some personal griefs/losses. And Im learning that people arent entitled to everything. Not quite there yet but Im learning. Im often in deep pain, so cant always do what I want to get done in a day.

Most likely, I will discontinue this. Besides others have been doing a brilliant job. Dont absorb yourself. You can control much of what you get exposed to, so what you can control, make it good! Have integrity, work on yourselves. Try not to be a dickhead but acknowledge where you are a dickhead and work on that. Balance is key to a healthy mind, take the good with the not so good. Take the time to simply sit outside and observe. Appreciate life. Similarities and differences. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But have your standards. Learn. Grow.

Im in a lot of pain and have shit to do. Take care. I feel Viv, co, fans will only learn with drastics, haters need to learn empathy (haters as in stalker level folk), old friends Im sorry to hurt and equally feel hurt by. Best we've gone separate ways and moving on. Current friends I appreciate. That one person, please... PLEASE get help. Youre young, man- This shit is going to poison your very core. Make you into something shitty and cruel. And please treat animals with care. Me, still a twat but trying. Embrace truth, compassion and fairness with a firm angle. Or just avoid nasty shit.

Well, cya. Stay well. We're not going to be here forever.

#hazbin critical #helluva boss critical #criticial #end #moving on

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