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blackheart-6 · 15 days

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noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

#art #my art #digital art #deltarune #noelle holiday #deltarune noelle #age chart #age progression chart #progression chart #finally did this #(i mentioned doing it awhile ago)#im kinda mixed on my feelings about this #but if yalls wanna know about that i talk all out it!#this took forever lol #also #trans #transgender #trans noelle #gotta love transbian noelle ^^

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wikiangela · 23 days

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several sentence sunday

tagged by @hippolotamus

sooo bucktommy won me over, i couldn't resist anymore 🙈 so here's a bit of them after their date lol just to be clear, im still 10000% about buddie but im gonna enjoy this while it lasts bc I feel like this is exactly what buck needs rn lol I just wanna write him be giddy and stupid and flustered about a boy even if that's not eddie haha (also, I didn't get the Tommy hype before but after seeing him everywhere for two days... I get it now 🥵)

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"(...) We should do this again.” Tommy says, turning fully towards Buck, and Buck’s eyes immediately find his lips. He can’t wait to kiss him again, and this would be the time, at the end of the date, wouldn’t it?

“We should.” Buck nods, licks his lips, eyes darting up to Tommy’s eyes. He’s smiling softly, just looking at Buck. “I-” he starts, and then thinks, fuck it, and this time he makes a move, as he leans across the console to grab Tommy’s chin, like he did Buck’s in his kitchen, and bring him in for a kiss. Tommy immediately reciprocates, and Buck melts against him, and then when Tommy’s calloused hand covers his cheek, it just feels so- so different, in the best way possible. This kiss lasts longer than the first one, each of them constantly coming back for more, but it’s as gentle and tender as that one. Buck loves it, and can’t help smiling into it. He wants more. “Hey.” Buck says, finally pulling away, licks his spit-covered lips nervously. “Do you- do you maybe wanna come in for a beer?” he asks shyly, and at Tommy’s surprised expression and raised eyebrow he realizes it might sound like he’s inviting him for more than a beer, and he panics again. “I- I- I mean, just a beer. And maybe- maybe more of this.” he pecks Tommy’s lips again, not able to resist a smile. “But just a beer. I don’t think I’m- But who knows, maybe-” he stumbles over his words, because the truth is, he wants Tommy, he wants… he wants so much, he wants to experience so much for the first time – it’s just that he’s not sure if it’s not too quick for this relationship, and for him.

“Evan.” Tommy interrupts, bringing his other hand up, now cradling Buck’s face in both, thumbs moving soothingly along Buck’s cheeks. “Your pace, remember? No pressure, no rush.”

“You’re really cool, you know that?” Buck whispers.

“So I keep hearing.” Tommy chuckles, and it’s adorable. He kisses Buck again, and the butterflies in Buck’s stomach go crazy. Fuck, he doesn't remember the last time he felt this giddy and excited and just light. “I’d love to come in for a beer.”

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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @neverevan @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @dangerpronebuddie @diazsdimples @daffi-990 @bidisasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck @tizniz @your-catfish-friend

#seven sentence sunday #no one look at me i gave in i'm officially boarding the bucktommy ship lmao (as in for now lol my heart will always belong to buddie ofc)#ngl i kinda hate like half of what i wrote so far and really wanna rewrite it but we'll see haha #also i still have mixed feelings about tommy calling buck evan but it's growing on me ngl #this is insane what is going on why is tommy/lou just taking over and changing my whole mind rn lmao #I just want buck to be all giddy and flustered and explore this and just be excited about it aahhh im obsessed lol #fic snippet #wikiangela writes #my writing #my wips #911 fic #911 abc #bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #bucktommy post-date fic #idk how to tag this lol #btw the beer will lead to some heavy making out bc buck deserves to make out with a cute guy lol

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bjursta · 1 year

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no piece of media will make me feel the same way oneshot does

#thinking about them tonight #niko oneshot #oneshot game #my art #edit: adding on tags ^^#i think this game can be so mysterious. I can sit there and go “wait wtf” and it’ll feel so interesting #it’s so melancholic yet hopeful #im mixed on solstice though #on one hand it kind of takes away the original ending #on the other it’s a wonderful conclusion and is great for those who wanted closure #agh this game tugs on my heart constantly #once I got to the city I think I started to like. get. what this game is about #which isn’t even a solid answer #I’ve come to interpreted it as about.#hope and the absence of it as well as loss and the hopelessness of losing something #ok I’m done (disintegrates #UM I was listening to ethel cain…. Put me in some kinda mood

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stellisketches · 1 year

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I think the fight between Aphmau and Garroth at the end of season 2 reads a lot better if you don’t look at it from a “who’s right and whose wrong” perspective and just absorb it as a natural consequence of the narrative.

These two had gone through the emotional ringer leading up to the confrontation, and one way or another something was bound blow over. As a side note, I don’t think either of them were that out of character during the scene either, which I’ve seen some people argue.

Two of Aphmau's main character flaws is that she a) wants everyone around her to be happy all the time and b) she forgets to consider the full consequences of her actions. Part B is obvious in this situation, and as for part A, she had plenty of chances to tell Garroth she was pregnant before the whole invasion but chose not to because she didn’t want to make him unhappy (this was confirmed by Katelyn). She’d honestly prefer to tell Garroth bad news when he’s already upset and make him feel worse rather than tell him when he was happy/content and interrupt the peace (though I doubt she’s consciously aware of it).

And we’ve seen that Garroth is fully capable of being cold and snapping when he’s upset, though he seems to reserve it for people he genuinely dislikes or is deeply upset with. We’ve just never seen him reach that point with Aphmau (arguably save for end of s1, but I still chock that up to magick-fuckery). Because she was the one person who kept him grounded, and he did not ever want for her to see him in an uncaring light.

Was it morally right of Garroth to yell at her after being told? No. Did he come off as manipulative when he questioned if she had ever cared about him? Yeah. Was he acting as though she betrayed him when he knew they were never officially together? Pretty much.

Was it understandable that Garroth would be outwardly upset after being told the woman he loves is having another man’s child after weeks of building stress? Yes. Directly after finding out his mother was about to be executed and his home had been laid to siege? Double yes. Was him questioning his entire relationship with her a natural, instinctual response after realizing she had kept it from him for a substantial amount of time? I’d say yes.

Was it morally wrong for Aphmau to sleep with Aaron? No. Was she obligated to tell anyone about her intimate relationships? No. Was she responsible for the way Garroth acted? No.

Was it incredibly stupid for her to have told Garroth right after he found out his mother was going to be executed? Yes. Should she have anticipated that it was probably a bad time to announce she was pregnant? Yes. Was Aphmau toeing the line at feeling sorry for herself and playing the victim in order to initiate sympathy from Garroth throughout that conversation? Personally, I’d say yes.

They both acted in a way that was manipulative, as is what happens when two people are upset and in conflict. You want the other person to feel a certain way, and you say and do things that aren’t necessarily fair in order to make them feel it. It’s not about right and wrong, its just about making yourself and your misery heard. It is natural, and nature does not have a moral compass.

I’ve seen a TON of arguments on a ton of different platforms arguing about whether it was Aphmau or Garroth who was being manipulative towards the other and it all totals up to be pretty 50-50, and tbh I think that is the best seal I can get for my claim. People usually side with whoever they think is most morally correct, and everyone has opinions and biases they’ve settled into that impact who they side with. With a score that even, you know it really comes down to a personal moral standpoint.

Thing is, this wasn’t a moral argument. it was simply a well of building emotions that hit its limit and flooded way over capacity.

It’s not about who deserved to get yelled at. It’s not about who deserved to get rejected. When it comes down to it, it is about two people at their own personal breaking points who spiral into reverberating their anguish on one another. They were neither entirely justified or condemnable for feeling the way they did or for the way they spoke to one another.

And that is why it makes it so frustrating and uncomfortable to the audience.

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larabar · 1 month

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quick random poll because this has been bugging me since frontiers came out

cutscene in question -> X

#if you have stuff to say please tell me i wanna hear thoughts on this #not to sway the poll but its felt like such a weird cutscene to me and not right for their characters #but i dont know if i have any reasoning for it #something about how maybe knux is too trusting ? but he really hasnt been lately #tryna work it out in my head. different situations sonics been in and how hes handled them #he kinda just rolled with merlina. then again she wasnt directly working against him at the start. same with shahra #maybe im getting a mix of idws sonic in it and thats whats rubbing the wrong way #its got a similar feel to the whole 'i can fix them' attitude he has toward enemies and rivals in those comics that just isnt my favorite #dont want to get into idw arguments but it does bother me #rraaaaaa ive gotta stop trying to analyze sonics character its gonna drive me crazy #rambles #sth #sonic frontiers spoilers #anyway this is just genuine curiosity and asking for clarification if anyone does think its in-character and why #i like hearing thoughts on this stuff #can you tell its midnight for me

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sluckythewizard · 13 days

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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary

"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.

Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.

One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.

Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.

The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.

Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?

A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.

But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.

As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.

The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.

Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.

"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.

"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.

But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.

"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.

"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."

Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.

"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?

Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...

"Hey, are you okay?"

The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.

"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.

But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?

The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.

The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.

"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"

"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.

The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.

It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.

Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.

Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"

Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.

"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"

"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.

"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.

"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."

"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.

While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.

"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.

The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.

The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.

A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.

That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.

The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.

Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.

It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.

It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.

Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?

The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.

"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.

Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.

Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.

He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.

Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.

A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.

It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.

Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.

Like a mouse to a snake.

This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.

The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?

Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.

His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.

A STARTLING RINGING;

Splits the moment,

Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,

As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.

Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.

"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"

Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.

Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.

"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"

Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.

"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.

Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .

As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.

The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.

"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.

"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."

The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.

"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."

"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.

He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.

#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED #I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh #THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON #but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl #ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway #yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him #what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B #okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or #misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect #LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!

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synthshenanigans · 4 months

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Man its hard to have a second favorite when they're all insanely good augh

#okay buy actual might be my second favorite tho #got me having that feeling back from dear machine kinda #well not exactly its kinda mixed but ough #sm with this one ugh #small thing tho. there was probably a grew on me reference in the end #or like a nod back to it. which makes grew on me have more of a hit & confirms the idea i thought it was about #with it being towards an audience #idk idk am spitballin really #also hey eccentric mention. that's a word i use. im canon Jash lore/j #bro no im sad now. but like in a good way. cos that means the song hits & is rlly good #also if it helps i do not have bro as an idol. i don't have em for reasons like that that. ALSO IM JUST WEIRD LOL #nah cos once i had to write an essay on the prompt “write about a person you idolize or look up to”#LIKE MY GUY I DONT HAVE ANYONE TF DO I WRITE ABOUT????#my only idol is hatsune miku thank you very much #okay okay im done now #i just ougj #song hits #chonny jash #moss post

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skitskatdacat63 · 7 months

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Boy King Seb :D

#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333 #he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today #this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant #i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves #seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his #so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better #whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh #anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO #its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation #pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 art #formula 1 art #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such #boy king au

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puppyeared · 5 months

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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......

#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones #is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid #i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over #theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later #especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure #interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and #cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE #CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus #on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with #and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR #i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with #strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid #someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from #the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors #ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK #lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too #now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here #UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS #yapping #nostalgia

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junotter · 30 days

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sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk #like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions #while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized #but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama #and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction #i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me #anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa #and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan #ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places #and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls #i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show #they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation #theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets #back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame #plus over done #it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan #but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions #also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island #from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference #and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading #and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references #cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on #i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand #i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix #god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china”#my brother in christ red is also important in japan #red is important in like many many asian cultures #i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches #like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan #but a lot of those comes from china in some way

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curseofbreadbear · 9 months

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cassie: gregory didn't hurt anybody!

me: oh you poor sweet summer child

#{ i think a lot about the ar mask and how it uses voice clips and stuff and like... }#{ ALL of the gregory voice clips are pathetic and sad. like ''im so scared and alone'' is the most out of character shit }#{ but because of the position cassie is in... ofc she's gonna perceive that he's feeling that way- }#{ -and helpi is going to audio-mix accordingly. }#{ i think the longer that her night goes on it definitely like...uses her brain against her. not INTENTIONALLY- }#{ -but her mind is in such a fragile state that like...everything is going to become warped and scary and remind her of the position- }#{ -she and gregory are in. }#{ i think so bad specifically abt roxy raceway and the cutouts ok dont get me started IVE GONE OFF LONG ENOUGH }#{ MY POINT BEING. cassie has no fucking idea what gregory did in main game and it kinda drives me insane... }#{ what would she do if she knew he was the reason roxy no longer has eyes. }#{ this became long enough to warrant that tag so dfsklfds }#ruin spoilers /#🎬 || it's make believe inside your head. (headcanons.) || 🎬#🎬 || time for bear. (ooc.) || 🎬

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deerlow · 10 months

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Preston: Behold, the fields in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

#camp camp #cc #incorrect quotes #preston goodplay #preston camp camp #cc preston #preston cc #camp camp preston #so guys… how we feeling about that camp camp news?#personally #im glad something new’s coming #but man #i am kinda upset about the change in voice actors #like i’m sorry but no one can be as good as michael’s max #also my feelings about diversity in voice casts is mixed #bc in voice acting imo it shouldn’t really matter what the person’s rave ir ethnicity is because you’re looking for a VOICE #but that’s just me #anyway time to disappear for a year again lmao

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drewsaturday · 4 months

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i've had such a weird relationship with making fanon things lately for a few diff reasons i think.

i haven't rly been inspired enough to take things beyond my thoughts and make an actual thing out of them. part of this is probs bc of my medication. the other part is that...

i don't have the time to dig too deeply into my favorite things rn. this means i don't dig up new parts to feel excited about, i don't feel Qualified to carry those ideas out bc my understanding of the source material is so limited and people expect waaaay too much quality from fanworks these days, and i feel like i'll never be able to finish what i start anyway.

lastly, i've been doing fandom so repetitively i'm just... tired? of the same thing over and over again. i work on a thing, i polish the thing, i post the thing, i wait for feedback that is either nice/mean/empty, rinse and repeat. the solution would be to just not post these things, but why go through all that effort to carry something up out of an idea stage then since that's what makes me most excited? and if i spend the time drafting, it feels like a waste of time since it's not going to go anywhere.

i do think a lot of this is medication, because it dulls Just how insane i am capable of getting about a thing. in the past i would have sooo much drive because i felt like if i didn't make a thing, i'd explode. i don't rly get that anymore, at least not in a big enough burst to keep me working on things very long.

i've instead been thinking a lot about diving into original content because... although i make everything for fun, i think original stuff has way less of the above issues attached.

there's no time limit. i'm not... "competing" for being able to get an idea done first, or trying to get a fanfic out while there's still hype over a show, or worrying about my work being ooc compared to someone else's, or worrying the fandom landscape i vibe with is going to change when people move on.

it's theoretically not as repetitive. i'm sure the things i'm interested in shows are similar to what i come up with from my brain, and i could just try to make different things for fandom than i'm used to. but i am kind of tired of my inability to do anything besides hurt/comfort oneshots for the same kind of pairing over and over again. this would force me to actually develop other shit too lmfao.

it's Technically something i could profit off of if i really wanted to, making it less of a waste of time. for fandom, it feels like a waste of time if i'm not putting a fanon thing out for other fans to see. it also feels like i put a ton of work into my own little understanding of a show--fleshing out backstories and worldbuilding etc. so if i move onto another fandom... it feels like it was all for nothing, esp if i don't make something from it all. ideally i would be doing it just for the fun but there needs to be some balance with what i consider pay-off. and since i usually don't stay motivated long enough to do these big huge projects, or people move on, or other people do the idea first because i work so slow, it's just gotten rly un-motivating.

there's like, layers of motivation imo. i like a thing and i get excitement about making stuff for it and exploring certain parts of it. and i can do that for myself, but to make it stand on its own enough to post for other people to see isn't something i currently get enough motivation for. and because of that, it makes the fun part feel like a waste of time i guess.

i usually stay away from my own original stuff bc i honestly just don't feel the level of excitement with it as i have felt with fandom in the past, and... it's just harder lmao? but i think it would be good for me to at least fuck around with it.

fandom started as a vessel for creativity for me. i wanted to make videos, it gave me footage. i wanted to draw, it gave me designs for characters. i wanted to write, it gave me a sandbox to play in. and i still find those things fun, but i guess it just feels like i'm limiting myself by only playing with other people's dolls in a public park for all to see. like i'm just not as connected to the Making part as a hobby or to the parts of myself i would put into it.

idk, i am just rambling and i think honestly if i Did have more time it would help take a lot of the above pressures and risks away and balance me out so that making silly little fanfics sometimes would feel more worth it because i'd feel free to do other things as well.

i also do sort of get glued to the screen when i'm in mode of making and posting things and i'd like to uhhh. do other things with my life too sometimes lmfao. part of this boredom does probably stem from being chronically ill and therefore barely leaving my house. i haven't been able to do other things beyond fanon creations in years. so no wonder i'd feel less inspired and more bored.

i also think i've gotten tired of watching things feeling like a chore. oh shit i need to write down this scene so i can use it on a fanvid, or make sure i take note of this piece of dialogue for this character's backstory, etc. i know i bitch about how i don't hate the word "content creator" bc it is just an easier catch-all for me as someone who makes lots of diff things, and i still agree with that, but i do think because of my own levels of perfectionism, mixed with honestly how weirdly expectant of quality fandom has become, it's become a chore to engage with source material.

another thing is i've always felt like i've needed a purpose in what i've made and that purpose tends to be justified by the community interactions. it makes me feel less lonely and it helps me feel inspired and like... it doesn't hurt to know you'll get feedback on something because you've found so many supportive friends in it. i rly just haven't landed in any new communities i vibe with a ton for the things ive gotten into lately, so there's less motivation there. that's not to say anyone's Bad, just... discord servers are too big, tags are too dead or all over the place, i don't message people to become friends, and the communities and friends i do have from fandom are all kinda doing different things rn, etc.

the other form of purpose would be challenges--exchanges, bingos, etc. this fanwork isn't just a random thing for fun, it has a reason for me to work on it enough to let it see the light of day. and i think i've kinda broken my brain a bit using those for motivation so much, but the alternative would be to never get anything into a publishable state, but without it being a publishable state and interacting with communities through it there's no reason for me to really spend all that much time on it in the first place, which means i'm really not getting to Create.

i think the biggest issue these days if every part of the creative process now feels like it's "for show" and original stuff that has literally no audience is the only way to kinda undo the amount of rules that's put on me and my creativity.

tl;dr i'm just not feeling the same fulfillment from making fanon stuff as i used to so i guess i need to experiment with making other things so i can still do the Making part and see where that lands me, and see if it can help undo some of the toxic mentalities being an exclusively fandom girlie for so long has kinda instilled in me.

i'm sure i'll still make fanon shit every so often--i honestly have been so busy that output won't be noticeably different from my usual once every five months contributions. i just need to get back into the right blend of circumstances for it to feel worth it, and until then i guess i need to dig out the dolls from my own attic instead of someone else's so i can have a less complicated vessel for creative hobbies because i'm fairly certain i'd still like to create.

#txt #this is just a v long ramble that im not sure makes much sense honestly or will be readable to anyone but myself at this point but eh #just needed to word it all out #...also just remembered another reason that causes that imbalance of fun #is chronic pain making certain art forms like drawing quite painful so although i've been wanting to learn art techniques #and practice generally in non-fandomy ways #i'm stopped by how it's more worth it to sketch a blorbo every so often #but idk i want to try figuring out better ways of going about that for myself and #since i can't have both fandom and original without pushing myself too far i kinda have to Choose art advancement #over stupid blorbo drawings #same with if i spend too much time typing etc #and that plus time constraints are why im making it out to be such a one or the other thing #but it also... is...#because i rly don't think i can keep doing fanon stuff without at least mixing things up somehow #if not moving to original stuff altogether #i do think that once im out of school and i have a more stable schedule #i'll be able to set aside specific free time each day as opposed to being all over the place #and that will help as well so i don't feel Guilty over creating things #when i should/could be doing something more productive bc i also do want to move my life forward rather than being SO escapist #and the guilt aspect gets in the way a lot more than it when i had more passion to beat it back with #that rly is my own fault tho for being in charge of my own schedule and being so bad at it lol #one last little note for myself is i think a lot abt non-fandomy hobbies i have like music #where yeah ive made some filks but for the most part idk what im doing #im just there to have fun and enjoy myself bc it's just... the entire reason i do it #and i dont rly get that from the things i also can use for fanon creations these days more readily

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