#i.e. I decide what happened/the past | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jewelleria · 1 month

Text

I don’t usually talk about politics on here, if ever. But it’s been almost six months since the conflict in the Middle East flared up again, and I’m finally ready to start. Here are some of my thoughts.

I say ‘flared up’ because this has happened before and it’ll happen again. Because, even though what's currently going on is absolutely unprecedented, those of us who live in this part of the world are used to it. Let that sink in: we are used to this. And we shouldn’t have to be.

But I use that term for another reason: I don't want to accidentally call it the wrong thing lest I come under fire for being a genocidal maniac or a terrorist or a propaganda machine, etc., etc.—so let’s just call it ‘the war’ or ‘the conflict.’ Because that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter which side you’re on, who you love, or who you hate.

This post will, in all likelihood, sit in my drafts forever. If it does get posted, it certainly won’t be on my main, because I'm scared of being harassed (spoiler: she posted it on her main). I hate admitting that, but honestly? I’m fucking terrified.

I also feel like in order for anything I say on here (i.e. the hellscape of the internet) to be taken seriously, I have to somehow prove that a) I’m “educated” enough to talk about the conflict, and b) that my opinion lines up with what has been deemed the correct one. So, tedious and unnecessary though it is, I will tell you about my experience, because I have a feeling most of the people reading this post are not nearly as close to what’s happening as I am.

How do I explain where I live without actually explaining where I live? How do I say “I live in the Red Zone of international conflicts” without saying what I actually think? How do I convey the fear that grips me when I try to decide between saying “I live in Palestine” and “I live in Israel”? I don't really know. But I do know that names are important. I also know that, due to the various clickbaity monikers ascribed to the conflict, it would probably just be easier to point to a map.

I haven't always lived in the Middle East. I've lived in various places along America’s east coast, and traveled all over the world. But in short, I now live somewhere inside the crudely-drawn purple circle.

If you know anything about these borders you probably blanched a bit in sympathy, or maybe condolence. But in truth, it’s a shockingly normal existence. I don't feel like I've lived through the shifting of international relations or a war or anything. I just kind of feel like I did when COVID hit, that dull sameness as I wondered if this would be the only world-altering event to shape my life, or if there would be more.

I've been told that, in order for my brain to process all the horrific details of the past six months, there needs to be some element of cognitive dissonance—that falling into a sort of dissociative mindset is the only way to not go insane under the weight of it all. I think in some ways that’s true. I have been terrifyingly close to bus stop shootings when my commute wasn’t over; I have felt my apartment building shake with the reverberations of a missile strike; I have spent hours in underground shelters waiting for air raid sirens to stop.

But. I have also gone grocery shopping, and skipped class, and stayed up too late watching TV, and fed the cats on the street corner, and cried over a boy, and got myself AirPods just because, and taken out the trash, and done laundry on a delicate cycle, and bought overpriced lattes one too many days a week. I have looked at pretty things and taken out my phone because, despite it all, I still think that life is too short not to freeze the small moments.

So I'd say, all things considered, I live an incredibly privileged life—compared, of course, to those suffering in Gaza—one filled with sunsets and over-sweetened knafeh and every different color of sand. One that allows me to throw myself into a fandom-induced hyperfixation (or, alternatively, escape method) as I sit on the couch and crack open my laptop to write the next chapter of the fic I'm working on.

But there are bits of not-normalness that wheedle their way through the cracks. I pretend these moments are avoidable, even if they’re not.

They look like this: reading the news and seeing another idiotic, careless choice on Netanyahu’s part and groaning into my morning coffee. Watching Palestinian and Jewish children’s needless suffering posted on Instagram reels and feeling helpless. Opening my Tumblr DMs to find a message telling me to exterminate myself for reblogging a post that only seems like it’s about the war if you squint and tilt your head sideways.

These moments look like all the tiny ways I am reminded that I'm living in a post-October seventh world, where hearing a car backfire makes me jump out of my skin and the sound of a suitcase on pavement makes me look up at the sky and search for the war planes. They look like the heavy grief that is, and also isn’t, mine.

Here's the thing, though. I know you’re wondering when the ball will drop and my true opinion will be revealed. I know you’re waiting for me to reveal what demographic I'm a part of so that you, dear reader, can neatly slap a label on my head and sort me into some oversimplified category that lets you continue to think you understand this war.

No one wants to sit and ruminate on the difficult questions, the ones that make you wonder if maybe you’ve been tinkered with by the propaganda machine, if you might need to go back on what you’ve said or change your mind. We all strive for our perception of complicated issues to be a comfortable one.

But I know that no matter what I do, there will always be assumptions. So, while I shudder to reveal this information online, I think that maybe my most significant contribution to this meta-discussion spanning every facet of the internet is this:

I am a Jew.

Or, alternatively, I am: Jewish, יהודית, يَهُودِيٌّ, etc. Point is, I come from Jews. And, like any given person, I am a product of generation after generation of love.

I'm not going to take time to explain my heritage to you, or to prove that before all the expulsions and pogroms, there was an origin point. If you don’t believe that, perhaps it’s less of a factual problem and more of an ‘I don’t give weight to the beliefs of indigenous people’ problem. But, in case you want to spend time uselessly refuting this tiny point in a larger argument, you can inspect the photos below (it’s just a small chunk of my DNA test results). Alternatively, you can remember that interrogating someone in an attempt to make their indigeneity match your arbitrary criteria is generally not seen as good manners.

Now, let’s go back to thathateful message (read: poorly disguised death threat) I received in my Tumblr DMs. I think it was like two or three weeks ago. I had recently gained a new follower whose blog’s primary focus was the fandom I contribute to, so I followed them back. I saw in my notes that they were going through my posts and liking them—as one does when gaining a new mutual. Yippee!

Then they sent me this:

I tried to explain that hate speech is not a way to go about participating in political discourse, but the person had already blocked me immediately after sending that message. Then, assured by the fact that I surely would never see them complaining about me on their blog (because, as I said, they blocked me), they posted a shouting rant accusing me of sympathizing with colonizing settlers and declaring me a “racist Zionist fuck.” Oh, the wonders of incognito tabs.

Where this person drew these conclusions after reading my (reblogged) post about antisemitism…. I'm not actually sure. But I greatly sympathize with them, and hope that they weren’t too personally offended by my desire to not die.

For a while I contemplated this experience in my righteous anger, and tried to figure out a way to message this person. I wanted to explain that a) seeing a post about being Jewish and choosing to harass the creator about Israel is literally the definition of antisemitism and b) that sending a hateful DM and refusing to be held accountable is just childish and immature. But I gave up soon after—because, honestly, I knew it wasn’t worth my effort or energy. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to change their mind.

But I still remember staring at that rather unfortunate meme, accompanied by an all-caps message demanding for me to Free Palestine, and thinking: the post didn’t even have any buzzwords. I remember the swoop of dread and guilt and fear. I remember wondering why this kind of antisemitism felt worse, in that moment, than the kind that leaves bodies in its wake.

I remember thinking, I don’t have the power to free anyone.

I remember thinking, I’m so fucking tired.

And before you tell me that this conflict isn’t about religion—let me ask you some questions. Why is it that Israel is even called Israel? (Here’s why.) Why do Jews even want it? (Here’s why.) But also, if you actually read the charters of Islamist terrorist organizations like ISIS, Hamas, and Hezbollah (among others), they equate the modern state of Israel with the Jewish people, and they use the two entities interchangeably. So of course this conflict is religious. It’s never been anything but that.

But I do wonder, when faced with those who deny this fact: how do I prove, through an endless slew of what-about-isms and victim blaming, that I too am hurting? How do I show that empathy is dialectical, that I can care deeply for Palestinians and Gazans while also grieving my own people?

There's this thing that humans do, when we’re frustrated about politics and need to howl our opinions about it into the void until we feel better. We find like-minded souls, usually our friends and neighbors, and fret about the state of the world to each other until we’ve gone around in a satisfactory amount of circles. But these conversations never truly accomplish anything. They’re just a substitute, a stand-in catharsis, for what we really wish we could do: find someone who embodies the spirit of every Jew-hating internet troll, every ignorant justifier of terrorism, and scream ourselves hoarse at them until we change their mind.

But, of course, minds cannot be changed when they are determined to live in a state of irrational dislike. In Judaism, this way of thinking has a name: שנאת חינם (sinat hinam), or baseless hatred. It's a parasite with no definite cure, and it makes people bend over backwards to justify things like the massacre on October seventh, simply because the blame always needs to be placed on the Jews.

So when a Jew is faced with this unsolvable problem, there is only one response to be had, only one feeling to be felt: anger. And we are angry. Carrying around rage with nowhere to put it is exhausting. It's like a weight at the base of our neck that pushes down on our spine, bending it until we will inevitably snap under the pressure. I’m still waiting to break, even now.

I wish I could explain to someone who needs to hear it that terrorism against Israelis happens every single day here, and that we are never more than one degree of separation away from the brutal slaughter of a friend, lover, parent, sibling. I wish it would be enough to say that the majority of Israelis (which includes Arab-Israeli citizens who have the exact same rights as Jewish-Israelis) wish for peace every day without ever having seen what it looks like.

I wish I could show the world that Israel was founded as a socialist state, that it was built on communal values and born from a cluster of kibbutzim (small farming communities based on collective responsibility), and that what it is now isn’t what its people stand for.

I wish the world could open their eyes to what we Israelis have seen since the beginning: that Hamas is the enemy, Hamas is the one starving Palestinians and denying them aid, Hamas is the one who keeps rejecting ceasefire terms and denying their citizens basic human rights. Hamas is the governing body of Gaza, not Israel. Hamas is responsible for the wellbeing of the Palestinian people. And Hamas are the ones who are more determined to murder Jews—over and over and over again, in the most animalistic ways possible—than to look inwards and see the suffering they’ve inflicted on their own people. I wish it was easier to see that.

But the wishing, the asking how can people be so blind, is never enough. I can never just say, I promise I don't want war.

When I bear witness to this baseless hatred, I think of the victims of October seventh. I think of the women and girls who were raped and then murdered, forever unable to tell their stories. I think of the hostages, trapped underneath Gaza in dark tunnels, wondering if anyone will come for them. I think of Ori Ansbacher, of Ezra Schwartz, of Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali, of Lucy, Rina, and Maia Dee, of the Paley boys, of Ari Fuld and of Nachshon Wachsman. I think of all the innocent blood spilled because of terror-fueled hatred and the virus of antisemitism. I think of all the thousands of people who were brutally murdered in Israel, Jews and Muslims and Christians and humans, who will never see peace.

My ties to this land are knotted a thousand times over. Even when I leave, a part of me is left behind, waiting for me to claim it when I return. But when I see the grit it takes to live through this pain, when I see the suffering that paints the world the color of blood, I look to the heavens and I wonder why.

I ask God: is it worth all this? He doesn't answer. So I am the one, in the end, to answer my own question. I say, it has to be.

Feel free to send any genuine, respectful, and clarifying questions you may have to my inbox!

EDIT: just coming on here to say that I'm really touched & grateful for the love on this post. When I wrote it, I felt hopeless; I logged off of Tumblr for Shabbat, dreading the moment I would turn off my phone to find more hate in my inbox. Granted, I did find some, and responding to it was exhausting, but it wasn’t all hate. I read every kind reblog and comment, and the love was so much louder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍

Source Reading

The Whispered in Gaza Project by The Center for Peace Communications

Why Jews Cannot Stop Shaking Right Now by Dara Horn

Hamas Kidnapped My Father for Refusing to Be Their Puppet by Ala Mohammed Mushtaha

I Hope Someone Somewhere Is Being Kind to My Boy by Rachel Goldberg

The Struggle for Black Freedom Has Nothing to Do with Israel by Coleman Hughes

Israel Can Defend Itself and Uphold Its Values by The New York Times Editorial Board

There Is a Jewish Hope for Palestinian Liberation. It Must Survive by Peter Beinart

The Long Wait of the Hostages’ Families by Ruth Margalit

“By Any Means Necessary”: Hamas, Iran, and the Left by Armin Navabi

When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them by Bari Weiss

Hunger in Gaza: Blame Hamas, Not Israel by Yvette Miller

Benjamin Netanyahu Is Israel’s Worst Prime Minister Ever by Anshel Pfeffer

What Palestinians Really Think of Hamas by Amaney A. Jamal and Michael Robbins

The Decolonization Narrative Is Dangerous and False by Simon Sebag Montefiore

Understanding Hamas’s Genocidal Ideology by Bruce Hoffman

The Wisdom of Hamas by Matti Friedman

How the UN Discriminates Against Israel by Dina Rovner

This Muslim Israeli Woman Is the Future of the Middle East by The Free Press

Why Are Feminists Silent on Rape and Murder? by Bari Weiss

507 notes · View notes

holyprincenerd · 1 year

Text

yes yes rigged this cha cha that but please let’s not ignore this right now:

https://www.aftonbladet.se/podcasts/ab/episode/355975 Swedish “eurovision expert” Tobbe Ek (for those of you who aren’t Swedish, this is the same guy who accused Måneskin of doing coke on live tv back in 2021) and his posse of minions decided that it was time to spread some absolutely hateful rhetoric against the people of Finland by calling them shitty, idiotic, telling them they should be ashamed of not voting for Sweden (??? literally what???) etc etc, while also dragging in other contestants like Lord of the Lost and insulting them as a means of questioning why the Finnish public voted for them but not for Sweden. (You know. Because it totally doesn’t make any sense at all that a country known for having the most metal bands per capita in the world would vote for Lord of the Lost. Not at all.)

As the cherry on top of this xenophobic shit cake, they started to go on about how “There’s no way there were ten contestants who were better than Sweden this year.” (Again. Not only disrespecting the other contestants, but them pretending not to grasp the concept of a country known for preferring heavier music choosing to vote mostly for bands this year... Yeah... Couldn’t be their preferences...)

Again, this man is considered a Eurovision expert here in Sweden, yet this is the type of behaviour he and his coworkers display over a nonissue like the Finnish public not voting for Sweden this year. If there’s something shameful here, it’s this.

To reiterate: These are three grown-ass well past 40-year old people having a genuine meltdown over one (1) singular country not voting for them.

Why are we giving Tobbe Ek (and his irrelevant coworkers) a platform, again?

EDIT:

Hoo boy, there’s more. Because of course there is.

ALRIGHT here’s an article from one of our tabloids using quite suspiciously colonialistic sounding rhetoric about Finland being “the kingdom’s previous eastern half”.

https://www.expressen.se/noje/finska-sveket-mot-sverige-gav-noll-poang-efter-uppmaningen-rosta-taktiskt/

The specific quote in Swedish: “Tv-tittarna i tidigare östra rikshalvan gav nämligen Sverige noll(!) poäng under Eurovisionfinalen på lördagen.”

Translation: “TV viewers in [our] kingdom’s previous eastern half gave namely zero(!) points to Sweden during the Eurovision finale on Saturday.”

Yeah, Johan Bratell (the writer of the article) is technically not wrong about Finland having been a part of Sweden. But why bring this up now? This was so clearly meant as a condescending insult.

The article also talks about a throwaway comment that the Finnish commentator Mikko Silvennoinen made about tactical voting (or more specifically, an anonymous comment he read out loud about tactical voting). From my understanding this was a joke reference to the previous elections which took place recently in Finland and forced a portion of the Finnish public to vote tactically as an attempt to block a far-right party from getting into the parliament. It’s embarrassing how much these people are reaching.

And even if they were voting tactically, so what? Sweden won. Why are we so focused on the public vote of one (1) country, Jesus Christ this is embarrassing.

EDIT 2: WHY THIS MATTERS. A LOT.

For those of you who are not in the know about Swedish politics, these statements are reflecting some far-right political views that have their roots all the way back in the times when Sweden ruled over Finland. In recent memory, our far-right political party Sverigedemokraterna claimed that the Swedish minority group Tornedalians are not Swedish, because they may speak local dialects that blend Finnish into Swedish, or speak the minority language Meänkieli. Coincidentally, Meänkieli just so happens to be a minority language that blends Finnish and Swedish, as it is mostly spoken by people who live by the Torneå river, i.e. the Finnish-Swedish border. Here’s an article about this controversy (however you may not be able to read it unless you’re subscribed to said newspaper): https://www.dn.se/asikt/orimligt-att-tornedalingar-inte-skulle-vara-svenskar/?fbclid=IwAR33K_UVRhXlJhyPd3gY7GDXN_lotUdrtM1AeL-nRzWE26Tmq5BFE0lIUzw

Sverigedemokraterna also believe that the Swedish minority group of Sweden Finns should essentially cut their ties to their Finnish roots and that they should not be able to be citizens of both Finland and Sweden. https://aip.nu/sverigedemokraterna-och-de-dubbla-medborgarskapen/

This sort of rhetoric is ridiculously common here, and in situations like the ones that have occurred in light of the ESC, they almost never get called out. Because it’s common. Because it’s okay to call Finnish people names and to use colonial rhetoric against all Finns, both those who live in Finland and those who live in Sweden. Because this is “friendly banter.” Mind you, as someone who technically belongs to both of the aforementioned minority groups I’m completely fine with the actually friendly banter and piss taking that we usually partake in, because it is just that. Friendly. But this is not it. This is actually harmful. I have never seen so many Swedish people attacking Finns on social media as I’ve seen these past few days. The usual colonialistic and fennophobic insults have started to rear their ugly heads: People have started to insult the Finnish language (a fennophobic sentiment that goes way back to the days when Finland was under Swedish rule and the Swedish tried to get rid of the language), they have started to insult the way Finns look (goes back to fennophobic rhetoric of Finns essentially not being “white enough”), etcetera. For more information on how the Swedish government treated the Sweden Finns and Tornedalians (the fact that they tried to abolish both the Meänkieli language and the Finnish language from Sweden and have even done skull measurements as an attempt to prove that these minority groups are not equal to Swedes), here’s another article: https://www.svt.se/nyheter/lokalt/norrbotten/regeringen-tillsatter-sanningskommission

For those of you who speak Finnish and are interested in the topic, the book Kansankodin pimeämpi puoli by Tapio Tamminen goes into both issues, with photographic evidence of skull measurement incidents among other things. Meanwhile, the Finnish media is mostly just reporting on the tomfoolery of these “journalists.” Sure, there are a lot of Finns who are acting out as well and spreading hateful rhetoric against Swedes, but the difference here is that one group is punching up, while the other is punching down.

Whether Tobbe Ek, Jenny Ågren, Markus Larsson and Johan Bratell meant to cause this does not matter. They’ve still done it, in the case of the former group, they’ve even dragged other Europeans (and Australians!) into this mess.

They’ve gone ahead and spread fennophobic rhetoric on huge platforms: Sweden’s biggest national tabloids. They should be held accountable for this.

To reiterate: ALL THIS OVER THE FINNISH PUBLIC “NOT VOTING FOR SWEDEN” DURING THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST OF 2023.

Edit 3: Just in case we need a bit of clarification:

I know this whole post may come across quite negatively. So let me make this clear: There is an issue with the Swedish culture and its normalisation of fennophobia, however, that doesn’t mean every Swede is maliciously fennophobic. It’s literally just so normalised here, that sometimes people don’t even notice when they’re partaking in it, and because of said normalisation, for many these fennophobic and colonialist insults have become a sort of knee jerk reaction to when there’s “actual beef” with Finland. (Which, obviously, is a fucking problem, because look who has to bear the brunt of that.)

Moreover, many Swedes aren’t even familiar with their shared history with Finland, and the discrimination Finland was put through during the Swedish rule (not to mention the discrimination the Sweden Finns and Tornedalians have had to face and still face). That part of our shared history simply isn’t taught in schools here, so a regular person would have to know to go out and look for the information. Heck, the only reason I’m aware of this is because at the end of the day, despite having been born and raised in Sweden, I am ethnically Finnish, and grew up by the border with very strong ties to the Finnish culture because of it. But less about me, and more about this issue. Most Swedes (and Swedish journalists who have any sort of sense in them and who work for respectable publications) have expressed their dissatisfaction with this years results as well. There’s a reason Cha Cha Cha is charting so well on Swedish Spotify. There’s a reason for why the Swedish jury and the public gave Finland 12 points.

So, Tl;dr:

1. Swedish tabloids are trash.

2. We have an undeniable problem with how normalised fennophobia is here, and it’s absolutely bizarre that this is how it’s getting exposed.

3. Most regular Swedes aren’t happy with this either, and are in fact not Finland’s and the Finnish people’s greatest haters in the world.

4. Tobbe Ek should get fired. At the bare minimun, he and his coworkers should probably issue some sort of apology for spreading this, seeing how it is actually hurting a lot of people.

Anyway, please don’t hate on the Swedes because of this lol, think about what Jere from Vantaa would think about that. 💚

2K notes · View notes

silksongeveryday · 8 months

Text

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 200!!!

(huge thanks to this person for the art suggestion!! <3)

I genuinely can’t believe that I’ve made it to 200 days, it’s truly been wild how time flies by like that and the amount of doodles I’ve made during that time. Over 200 doodles (217 to be exact if we’re counting double pictures/extra doodles) have been made over the past 200 days. :0

And thank you all so much for the love and support! Not only have we reached 200 days but also 1400+ followers about a week ago! <3

But, having said that I’d like to make a few announcements—some good, some not so great—about a few things regarding the blog, myself, and other stuff.

Putting it all under the cut so the post isn’t long if you’d like to know more

______________________________

Announcements!

My pfp!

1.) I’ll be changing my pfp again!! I’ve officially decided that after every 100 days or so I’ll change up the pfp so it’s up to date with my doodle style (assuming it changed at all lol), but generally it’ll look relatively the same as the last!

Possibly more admins?

2.) As of right now I’m looking into the idea/possibility of having a second (maybe third?) person help me with daily doodles! As much as I’d like to keep doodling everyday there are some days that it can be tough or some situation might be happening. (i.e. recently got injured)

See, the problem is I don’t exactly have a proper way of trying this out??? My idea was to maybe do this through dms or more preferably Google Forms. I also don’t really know what form of communication afterward would be best either, suggestions to help me work this out would be great! (as you can tell I’m not very good at this stuff lol)

Commissions!

3.) After much consideration and a lot of thought, I’ve decided that in the near future, I’ll be opening commissions again for the first time in years. I don’t have everything set up quite yet, but expect more info in the near future!

About requests:

4.) You may have noticed recently that I haven’t been doing as many doodle requests recently. Sure, there’s usually quite a few in a row at once but you may have noticed I’ve also been doing “non-requested” doodles aka ones that I just do on my own.

Expect this to become a very normal thing going forward. I probably won’t be doing as many requests as before because frankly with the amount of requests I get daily when it’s open is a lot to handle sometimes. Does this mean requests will be stopped entirely? No, I’ll still do some occasionally, but not as much as I have in the past.

Also I’ll likely be doing strictly anonymous requests.

About Burnout:

5.) Alright let’s address the elephant in the room.

There have been quite a few instances where people have wondered if I would ever have burnout and have occasionally joked about “dying” from said burnout because “Silksong will never release, you’ll be doing this forever” etc etc.

In the past I’ve been fine, motivation has been great, but recently I’ve noticed it a little bit.

Unfortunately life has its own plans so it can be a little hard for me to make a doodle that day, expecially recently since I’ve been experiencing personal/medical issues. It’s part of the reason I’m hoping to get a second (maybe third) person to help me do daily doodles so I can take a little bit of the load off my shoulders.

So what does this mean for this blog?

Not much right now. But in the future, there may be some changes. My current plan is to keep going on daily doodles/posts for the length of a standard year, so roughly 365 days. After that, if things in personal life keep up the way they have, I may have to stop daily doodles and instead will post only if I have time. That likely means doodles every other day or every three days or something. At the very least I’ll still post a doodle once a week.

Not to worry though! I’ll still try my best even after I reach day 365 :)

I’ll discuss how things work a little more on my main @miizori later, but that’s as much as I can think to explain rn.

———————————————

Just a few more things I wanted to say!

This community has been so cool to interact with, so much tamer than some others I’ve been apart of in the past. I’m genuinely thankful for how much support and how nice everyone has been. I truly didn’t expect to get this far, I was fully expecting to have stopped like 10 doodles in lol. I especially love to see all your comments in the tags and people sharing their art. You’re all so cool :)))

I have a dtiys from back when I reached 300 followers that’s still available if you’re feeling up to it!

Also my main (again, @miizori) is where I make updates on doodle stuff, regular art stuff and so on if you’re interested at all in that lol

I think that’s all that I can remember wanting to say, so thanks!! I look forward to more doodles for you all :)

#hollow knight #silksong #hk hornet #hollow knight hornet #silksong hornet #hk shade lord #shade lord #hollow knight shade lord #hollow knight fanart #hk fanart #silksongeveryday

492 notes · View notes

yuri-is-online · 3 months

Text

Love and Deepspace Timeline: MC, Philos, and the Aether Core

Look I finished Xav's myths card. I don't regret waiting until I was done with it to post his timeline because the last two nodes have more to do with MC than him, but I am in a state so we are making this to cope.

This is all speculation and should not be taken as fact, I have done two other posts, one on Zayne and one on Xavier and I will not be doing one on Rafayel please see this reddit post by u/joonmin for relevant information about his myths card blah blah blah.

This post is less of a timeline and more here to answer questions you very likely have if you: A) decided to browse reddit and saw people saying Xavier feels like the "cannon ro" [this is a gacha game there isn't one] but have never read any of his memories, moments, or dates B) read chapter 8 and went "none of this makes sense I feel like I am missing something" or C) just generally are confused about L&D's world building and what's up with MC. I have answers for you. Wibbly wobbly soupy answers. This post also has a TL;DR in case you don't want to see me break out the string board and just want the relevant bits of information about MC you won't get from the msq.

SPOILERS FOR ALL IN GAME CONTENT UP TO CHAPTER 8, VARIOUS MOMENTS, AND ANECDOTES RELATED TO ALL 3 ROS, PROCEED WITH CARE.

Current Timeline MC (i.e. The one we are playing as)

The game starts with MC's graduation from the Academy and first day as a fully licensed hunter. We learn a few things in this first chapter, namely that MC is combat trained, has a rare heart condition known as Protocore Syndrome that has no known cure, and that her decision to become a hunter has something to do with what she experienced fourteen years ago during the Catastrophe when the Deepspace Tunnel opened and Wanderers started invading earth.

Specifically MC describes something burrowing itself into her heart. She feels helpless, like prey, and has a strong desire to never feel anything like this again. Which is unfortunate because I have a feeling a lot of someones are going to be on her trail sooner rather than later.

In Chapter 5 it is revealed that MC has an Aether core fused to her heart. This sort of human experimentation is highly illegal and it is unknown who did this to MC other than our beloved Grandmother was directly involved. Grandma appears to have taken MC away from wherever this happened after the tests started to threaten MC's life.

This is known to Dr. Zayne and Dr. Noah, though neither seem to know more than what Grandma told them. Neither of them seem to fully understand what an Aether core is or what it is doing to MC's heart. Zayne in particular seems to find this extremely concerning.

Uncovering the mystery of the Aether core seems to be what will be driving the first arc so we will not be discussing it at length here. I do want to note that Xavier absolutely knows what it is, while Zayne does not but does seem to know more of the technical aspects of how it is effecting MC, and Rafayel is at least aware of it being valuable and maybe why exactly the people in the N109 Zone want it.

At some point in the past MC met and made a promise to Rafayel. It is my personal theory that this likely took place on Hat Island during the field trip MC talks about due to some of the comments made in Chapter 7.

MC and Caleb were friends with Zayne in childhood. MC's exact age is a bit fuzzy, but the game does seem to suggest she is younger than Zayne. She does not know why Zayne disappeared from her life or what led him to become a doctor.

Comments in Chapter 4 suggests that Caleb encouraged MC to become a hunter. He seems to be very supportive of her, but Grandma seems more interested in trusting MC's protection to Zayne.

On the surface MC seems pretty normal. Her memories from before the Catastrophe seem to be gone, if she had a mother and father or other blood relatives, she doesn't remember them anymore.

Philos MC (i.e. What is Going on in the Myths)

It is revealed in Xavier's When Shooting Stars Fall anecdote that Philos is Earth in the distant future. This has confused numerous people in the notes of my Xav's timeline so I am going to be insufferable and attempt to assist with a graph:

The MC you play belongs to the game timeline, the MCs (plural each myths card features a different one) in the Myths cards come from the Philos timeline. I have tagged the Game timeline as a "potential tangent" as the events that take place in game are entirely reliant on the existence of the Deepspace Tunnel, which is created in the Philos timeline.

At some point in the Original/Philos Timeline, Earth's core ceases to function. Humanity replaces it with a new, artificial core that causes noticeable weather changes and fuses all of the tectonic plates together, and begins a new calendar counting forward from the years since Earth ceased to be and Philos was born. As a result, we don't know what exact year Earth's core giving out happened in the Original Timeline. The artificial core allows almost all humans to "live eternal." They seem to be like Tolkien's elves in the sense they can live for an eternity but they start to get tired after a while and give up on life. This is why there is a royal family that needs a line of succession. Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, he meets MC in school and learns she has a rare disease called Protocore Syndrome which will not allow her to live forever. He attempts to cure this by finding a specific protocore she mentions, but fails to reach her in time and is forced to watch her die. This all happens in the year 214.

At some point MC is reborn and assigned to the same teacher as Xavier. She is to train to become his knight and serve as the leader of the Lightseekers, an order tasked with killing Wanderers. At some point during or before Xavier's coming of age ceremony, he learns the truth about Philos: the planet is dying due to the artificial core never having been meant to sustain the planet this long. The Royal Family's solution for this is to occasionally feed humans to the heart of Philos in Starfall Forest. When they do this, it creates Wanderers. As if that wasn't bad enough, Xavier learns that his father and the royal family have found what they think could be a permanent solution: there is a girl who has achieved true immortality. She is the only person on Philos who can die and be reborn constantly, and while they don't seem to know why she does this, the royal family believes this girl is the life force of the planet itself.

This girl is MC and Xavier does not want this to happen. He has a plan that he does not explain to MC, but it involves traveling back in time. He says they have specific places in time picked out, but we know from Xavier's Passing By anecdote that something went wrong with his team's attempt at time travel and now there is no guarantee that the MC he left on Philos as its Queen is still there.

So now we have two timelines: Original/Philos Timeline and Game/Tangent Timeline. But all of that is just taking Xavier's anecdotes and Myths card into account... so what happens if we try to plug in the other two ROs?

Rafayel

In u/Joonmin's reddit post they mention two very important bits of information: 1) It has been 30,000 years since the sea dried up and 2) MC is a member of the royal family of Philos, not by birth but because "she has a heart that’s been blessed by the gods" and has "awoken from the depths." If all three myths cards take place in the same Philos timeline as the one Xavier leaves, we can reasonably place Raf's myths card after Xavier's backtrack mission.

So the Philos timeline would look like this. I have a note for Zayne's card there as well, but if I had to get picky with it I'm slightly tempted to place his Myths card between MC's first death and her being reborn to meet Xavier again. The other explanation would be that there are three separate Philos timelines created because the MC was successfully scarified to the Heart of Philos. In Xavier's Myths 6 MC briefly takes a dip in the space time anomaly at the center of Starfall Forest which could also explain MC scattering across different timelines, but the in game spacepedia makes a point to say that there is a chance that life still exists on Philos:

So it could simply be that MC over there has been stuck in the exact cycle of death and rebirth that Xavier was trying to prevent. It could also mean that when they add that mystery fourth love interest there is an explanation for a fourth possible myths card. Anyway all this information leaves us with a set of timelines that currently look like this:

This still leaves a lot of unanswered questions. For example, if the Philos timeline is where this all starts, what version of it is? What caused Earth's core to give out in that original timeline? Is Rafayel and Lumeria's existence the consequences of clashing timelines or are mermaids cannon to this universe? What effect on the space time continuum did Xavier's actions have? And how much of this is actually going to be answered in game?

TL;DR

Philos is Earth in the future with an artificial core that started running out of power, and never should have been made in the first place.

The royal family fed some of their long lived humans to the anomaly in Starfall forest to keep the planet running, but then they found out about a girl who could constantly be reborn each time she died and had an idea.

An idea Xavier wasn't very keen on but who cares. They thought that "when the time was right" they would sacrifice her to the rift and leave her there to die and be reborn forever. They also did not think to ask her.

Oh yeah when they fed people to the rift they turned into Wanderers. So wanderers = people as mentioned in Zayne's Still in the Dark anecdote.

Whatever makes MC reincarnate might have something to do with Lumeria, or at the very least the Lumerians in Rafayel's myths card seem to think it does.

In game MC, current timeline MC knows none of this, and has no memories from her lives, past or future. This is consistent across all her incarnations.

Final Thoughts

The only reason why I think this way about timelines is because I watched Donnie Darko in a college theater class. People like to argue about that movie and how it is supposed to be interpreted, but generally speaking they all seem to think that Tangent Timelines and the Tangent Universes they spawn get deleted very quickly, so maybe that's why the game starts by talking about "being able to leave this loop" and why Xavier seems to think something bad will be happening to Linkon City soon.

Chapter 8 ends with Xavier attempting to send a message back through the Deepspace Tunnel to make contact with someone. Interestingly enough he calls this "Traceback II." This sounded familiar to me and sure enough the game starts by mentioning that exact same thing, it is going past a black hole and is what says that line "we are stuck in this loop."

I thought in previous posts that the Aether Core is what could cure MC... but now I think the Aether Core is likely what Philos's artificial core is called... so who created it in the first place? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

The Deepspace Tunnel is a spacetime anomaly likely caused by Philos's existence since it was "never meant to exist." So why was it created? And by who?

#love and deepspace #l&d #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace rafayel #as a side note i hate how the reddit girlies are like #“just finished this myth card! can anyone tell me what to think of it?”#if you gave me the details of what happened yes i could otherwise please do not waste my time #i am autistic and cannot make you a spreadsheet without the data you are denying meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

147 notes · View notes

chloeangelic · 4 months

Text

I’ve spent the past week getting slandered in this community with not a shred of evidence, proof, or receipts of me being a mean girl, “Wish Regina George”, a bully, an asshole, someone who spends more time answering anons than I do writing, or any of the other things I’ve seen people say about me out of absolutely fucking nowhere, seemingly because people have grievances towards Gracie that I know nothing about. I appreciate everyone who has checked in on me and asked how I’m doing.

ETA: I have spoken to one of the people who posted statements and anons about me and we have squashed the beef. The statements made about me have been debunked and they have deleted their posts. Please leave me and my friends alone - I've gotten harassed directly and indirectly by anons and posts for two months and I'm tired. I'm not gonna prostrate myself and try to convince the internet that I'm a good person when I know I've done my best to always be kind and respectful in this community. My words will inevitably be twisted and I feel paralyzed. The damage to my reputation has already been done.

This is the only time I’ll address this, and my anons will not be turned back on because this is literally slander and a waste of everyone’s time. I’ve seen multiple vague posts about me as well and I’ve chosen to ignore it all, but it gets to a point where it feels like bullying and I’m done with it. When someone goes on tumblr live to rehash the same shallow shit talking post about me (i.e. talking shit about people they’re accusing of talking shit), that’s when I feel like my limit has been crossed, and since that same live devolved into an advertisement for the host’s own writing… This no longer reads like vigilante justice.

Let me get one thing straight: I am here to write about dick, cock and that old man. I am extremely grateful for the friends I’ve made along the way, and I am beyond appreciative for my readers who support me and who like what I come up with. I am 27 years old, I have a fulltime job, and this is one of my hobbies. If you think I’m going to spend my time in a fandom spamming group chats and being catty, I literally don’t know what to tell you. The few uncomfortable situations I’ve had on here have been addressed and squashed very quickly, whether that’s misunderstandings, accusations or anything else. In a creative space, you are bound to butt heads with people occasionally, or have people who dislike you, and that is fine. I know I have an aloof persona on here, I don’t expect everyone to like me.

I didn’t block anyone up until two days ago when this tumblr live host posted three anon asks in a row about me, and I decided to block the people who seemingly agreed with anons insisting I’m a mean girl, asshole etc. cause why the fuck wouldn’t I? Wouldn’t anyone? I don’t understand why on earth they’re so mad about me blocking them if they dislike me so much already. My shit is still on ao3 if they want to read it.

I don’t know what my mutuals do in their own DM’s, or group chats they’re in that I don’t participate in, because I stay in my lane and I spend my time writing. Of course I don’t condone bad behavior but how am I supposed to know what happens in GCs and servers I’m literally not in? Or conversations in servers where I’m not active? I have not witnessed any of my mutuals talking shit in any GCs, period. That’s all I can say. Additionally, this whole big/elite writers discord people were talking about a while ago - if that exists, I wasn’t even invited lmfao how’s that for being a big writer?

One anon said I was an asshole when they tried to have a conversation with me months back, and I assume this was my Rendezvous anon who I was snarky to cause they were snarky to me. I make it very clear that I have limited patience for anons, and when people in my comments respond back to them, they are responding to a statement that is separate from the person who sent it.

I am not entertaining this insanity any further than this. I will continue to post my old man porn and interact with my mutuals and reblog gif sets of that same old man cause that’s what I’m on here for. If you don’t like me, you are well within your rights, I assume you have your reasons, and that is ultimately none of my business. Everyone has the right to curate their own experience on a website like this.

Love,

Daddy

150 notes · View notes

maxrowave · 5 months

Text

GENDERBEND RAHHHHHH

i love drarry and i love women so put it together and you get this, i present to you: Harphine

Harry is consequently now named Harley; Draco is also now named Delphine (Full name Delphinus Lucius Malfoy, however asks to be referred to as Delphine because it's pretty). I decided to keep everyone else the same because the world centres around them. Delphine is the ultimate coquette girl, lana del rey wishes she could be as coquette as her. Mega popular girl and a trendsetter, one day she wears a headband to school, the next day, half the female students are as well. Extreme closet gay, internalised homophobia...

Harley on the other hand is a major tom-boy, as a toddler and young childhood she probably had a buzzcut or short hair because her hair was too much maintenance for the Dursley's. She also wore Dudley's old clothes so she was mistaken for a boy for most of her young life, she only began to grow it out when she started attending Hogwarts and got a major glow-up in third year. and now the multitude of headcanons: 1) Delphine resorts to flirting to get her way with male students, however it is only by accident does Harley discover Delphine is prudent when she flirts with her. Delphine immediately goes red, sputtering incoherently:

"MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!!!" "good, I'm glad he knows about me so it won’t be as awkward to meet him when I'm over for dinner"

Harley uses this to her advantage and begins to spread rumours about Delphine to finally get back at her for all these years 'Pure Blood Delphine Malfoy, sole heir, is a homosexual?!' It gets out of hand and Delphine's rep gets ruined or somethin

2) Harley is a bit of an artist, she likes drawing/doodling. One day she's sitting in potions class, not listening because fuck that, idly drawing on her parchment without much thought, only for her to realise that hey... this kind of looks like Delphine, and then realising she's just been drawing Delphine in various sitting poses for the past half an hour.

3) Even though Harley really hates Delphine, she has to admit, she's really fucking gorgeous, and in an odd way Harley kind of admires how put together she is. Harley does try to imitate her makeup one day because she wants to know how it feels to be pretty/put together, it turns out shite, Ron laughs at her, Harley beats him up; Delphine also laughs at her. But when they do become good friends, like fifth year or so, Delphine does do her makeup (imagine that one img of the girl on top of the other doing her eyeshadow, that's them).

3.5) Slight extension from the previous one, I mentioned this on my xwitter awhile back -- Harry purposely messes up his tie so Draco can fix it, because Draco's love language is to clean up people, i.e brushing lint off their shoulder, adjusting their collar, kind of like a cat. In this genderbent au, Harley messes up her lipstick everytime so Delphine can redo it.

4) Delphine is a massive closeted lesbian, and is pining for Harley in her own odd way. When they begin to get close, Delphine instictually reels back, because she's used to playing hard-to-get with other guys as a flirting method. She doesn't quite register that it doesn't work with girls, which leaves Harley wondering what she did wrong and why Delphine isn't as interested.

5) When they do finally get into a relationship, most likely like sixth/seventh year, it's very low-key and secretive because Delphine still has internalised homophobia/closeted. But Lucius ends up arranging her marriage because she's an only child and a female to the Malfoy name. What happens next is idk

6) Lucius either dotes on Delphine like a child who is in constant need of being helped and cannot be independent, or never speaks to her ever because he's disappointed he has a daughter.

OKAY THATS IT, I HAVE MORE HEADCANONS THAT I WILL POUR IF ENOUGH ASK FOR IT LOL... i wanna see if I can make Harphine their genderbend ship name, it's cute

also boobs bc im gay and so are they

#draco x harry #drarry #harry x draco #hpdm #dmhp #harphine #harry potter #draco malfoy

288 notes · View notes

concreteparasite · 7 months

Note

Hello Concrete! I had a question about your Binary star IF but if you're not answering questions like these please ignore me 🙏

I was replaying the IF and I noticed background information about Ray that I had missed. His background sounds really interesting with steel something (I forgot their name sorry 😭 also he tried to hurt Ray?? excuse me? how dare he) and what happened when he was 16 years old. If possible, and if it isn't too much trouble, could you share some more information about his past?

So, Ray was basically raised in a government facility until he was 16. They had him train to be a hero (i.e., weapon of war) and 'collect' abilities. When the Southern War was carrying on a bit too long, the NAHA decided to deploy heroes, one of those heroes being Ray. This was to test his destructive ability and his loyalty to the NAHA. Ray 'succeeded' in the eyes of the NAHA, and as a reward (and a media distraction/ cover-up), he debuted as a hero when he returned from the war.

Ray was not given the tools or time to able to process his traumas from the war. Instead, he was immediately pushed into adopting the mask of Binary Star.

Ray at this time was also 'adopted' by Steel Sheriff because he was not yet an adult. Steel Sheriff did not want to adopt a kid, but seeing as he recently assaulted a woman in a cocaine induced stupor, his image needed a facelift. So once again, him 'turning a new leaf' as a dad to a lovely adopted superhero boy was GREAT media, and the people ate it up. Unsurprisingly, Steel sherrif did not become a better person nor turn a new leaf. He often ignored Ray, drunkenly bringing strange women and men to their house in the middle of the night, having arguments (verbal and physical) with these men and women. Ray sometimes having to break up the fights himself. Steel Sherrif only spiraled further, sometimes taking his anger out on Ray, who took it. Well, he took it until he didn't anymore.

There was no catalyst as to why Ray stood up for himself. Simply, at that moment, the numbness he felt started to outweigh the terror. Ray fought back, he fought back, and he won.

Steel Sheriff, from that point forward, ignored Ray completely and would hardly return home. Ray moved out of Steel Sheriff's home the minute he turned 18.

Ray to this day can't bring himself to truly hate Steel Sherriff. Steel was the one and only parental figure Ray ever had. Ray, at one point, resolved to confront and kill Steel Sherriff. He flew to Oklahoma, where Steel resides. When Ray finally saw Steel, he saw a pathetic, weak, withered old man. An old man who could hardly move and was dying from kidney failure.

Ray stood and stared for a while, frozen. What once was his object of terror and anger became no more frightening than a shot deer, dragging it's bleeding leg along to find enough shade to die. Steel called out weakly that he knew Ray came to kill him, and to just get it over with. Ray couldn't bring himself to look at the man any longer, he left him there alive and human. It's a complex feeling, one hard to describe or explain. I'm not even sure if it can be.

So that's basically Ray's story with Steel Sherrif. When I was originally planning out the story of BSH, I was mulling over the idea of MC going to visit Steel Sherriff to learn more about Ray. I decided it was better not to.

#binary star hero #bsh #binarystarhero #binary star hero vn #bshvn #binarystarherovn #yanderevn #visual novel #yandere #datingsim

251 notes · View notes

sweet-lover-girl · 1 year

Note

spring(sundress with no panties season) is here! abby better get her ass over her and do the nasty work!

Yeah! No panties season!

I’m so sorry I just now got to this love T.T also I feel like this gets off track? So I’m sorry if it does…I really hope you like it never the less though!

Warning(s): Lesbian sex, Abby eats you out from the back, oral sex(reader receiving), ass slapping(a lot of it), reader has hair(hair not specified), public sex(it takes place outside but no one is around), a lot of nicknames(I.e babygirl, pumpkin, good girl), dry humping, brief touch of aftercare, and I think that’s it?

NO MINORS PAST THIS POINT!!!

Pushing you up against the tree— Abby kneeled down on the ground with her thighs spread and lifted the skirt of the dress up before she started to eat you out from the back, and since you weren’t wearing panties it made her job all the more easier as she licked at you slick as it leaks down your inner thighs. Your back arched so your chest was pressed against the rough bark of the tree, your cheek rubbing against it and caused a sore little rash but you were to far to care. Abby wait— you moan out, barely trying to stop her assault on your cunt.

Abby had took you out on a little date outside the stadium walls, nothing far away just into the surrounding trees. She told you to dress up— but she didn’t think you would wear an actual dress. The little sandy colored dress that contrasted gorgeously with your skin tone ended just above your kneecaps, showing off the length of your beautiful legs. The shoulders of the dress were a little puffy and leads down to a sweetheart neck line.

The ruched dress was an amazing find on your half, you had gone on a patrol last week and with it getting hotter you wanted something cooler to wear. You happened to stumble over the very dress you are currently wearing— and decided to wear it today on your date. You just didn’t know it would have such an affect in Abby.

“Abby please—wait, w-what if someone sees?”

“Let me worry about that Sweet girl.” She said pulling away from your wet pussy, your sweet nectar and her saliva were dripping down her chin, but she could care less. The messier the better.

You whine as she got back to work, kissing at your little twitching button. Abby moans at the slight salty taste that was uniquely you— as she sticks her tongue into your clenched cunt. She loved how - no matter how many times she fucks you, your little cunt always stays so tight. Abby groaned and dropped her left hand down to her own crotch, grasping at it and rubbing over her large clit through the rough material of her cargo pants. you always made her ache so bad, she couldn’t help but touch herself to reviled that sweet pain.

She breathed in your scent as she lifted her right hand up and slammed it back down on your ass cheek, making a loud CLAP sound. You squeal out and cry as Abby left her hand there, not lifting it once it made contact with your ass. It made the pain much more sore but so fucking good. It made your cunt throb as your whole body trembles. Abby chuckles darkly and lifts her hand up once more and slammed it back down on the same— already tender spot. You cry out again and your foot lifts off the ground a little and stomps down on the damp soil with a quite thud.

Abby pulls away,”There you go baby,” She grips at the sore spot,”Let it out.”

You groan as her fingers dig into the fat of your ass, grasping at the hand print she left behind. Abby ‘s not fair, you whine. Making her stand up to loom over your trembling form, her shadow casted over you and blocked the bright sun. You whimper as you look up to meet her blue eyes that were now black from lust but still so beautiful. You let out a little sound as you feel her right hand snake up the back of your head and grab the roots of you hair before pulling your head back, making your already arched back arch even more. Your ass pushing into her hips, she lifts her left hand to place it on the tree to help balance herself as she leaned over you. Her eyes narrowed at you as she looked down at you from the bridge of her nose, your big doe like eyes cut upwards to look at her upside down. You were bitting you lower lip as you wait for her to speak.

“You’re lucky I don’t have my strap,” she leaned in closer,”Because I would be fucking you so hard right now.” Her warm breath washed over you and you felt your cunt throb again at her words. You leaned up to try and kiss her but she quickly leaned back, keeping your hair in her grasp to keep your back arched into her pelvis. She dropped her left hand heavily onto your ass cheek, doing the same thing she did to the right side, making you wince. “but I don’t think you deserve it to be honest,” she sighed as she slapped you ass again. “Because you’re a naughty girl, not even wearing panties.”

You whine as you grind your ass against her hips and she rolls them against your ass, she does this a few times. Just rolling them before she let’s go of your hair and places her hands on your waist and pulled you back a little away from the tree. You made a questioning sound and turned your head to look at her— but then your felt that first fake thrust against your ass. You gasp as she does this, your hands clench the bark tightly, was she— she did it again.

She was humping you.

Abby was humping your ass like she did when she was fucking you, reenacting those thrusts. Her thrust were so hard your exposed ass jiggled and your tits bounced. She leaned over your back and slip ��her hands up from your waist and grabbed the rim of your neckline before pulling it down to free your breasts, and to find out you weren’t wearing a bra either. She chuckled lowly in your right ear as her hands grabbed your tits, gripping that pillowy fat and pinched at your nipples. You gasp and arch you back little more, pushing your breasts into her warm hands.

“Not wearing a bra either,” She nipped at your ear lobe. “My babygirl really wanted to get fucked today, huh.”

She nuzzles her face against your neck in a sweet soft moment, finally enjoying being alone after not having hardly any alone time this last mouth. Of course you two shared a room but you were both so tired after the long days, you could hardly stay awake long enough to say ‘I love you’. She finally decided to stop teasing you as you let out a quite whine.

“Okay my sweet little Pumpkin, I’ll take care of you. Been so good for me this last mouth, waiting so patiently.”

Abby leaned back and kneeled back down on the ground, placing kisses on the tender spots on your ass cheeks from were she slapped you. She looked at your sopping wet cunt that was just dripping sweet honey. She placed a kiss on your clit, before she finally licked a long stripe from your clit to your clenched hole— moaning out as she gathered up your salty slick onto her tongue, her taste buds buzzing.

You ground your hips back against her face making her growl out, “be a little more patient for me pumpkin,” she licked at your weeping hole, lemme get a taste. She growled.

Your eyes fell shut and your arms wobbled as you suddenly felt dizzy, you lean your cheek against the tree again and softly mewl out. She hums against your clit in acknowledgment, she knew she made you dizzy— as you told her before. And she did, she made you so fucking dizzy.

You jump when you suddenly feel that hot white burn in your lower abdomen, that sweet heat that signaled your blissful end was near. You tremble as Abby continued to suck on your clit, bouncing it on her tongue and humming around it as she moaned. She wrapped her arms tightly around your thighs, pulling you closer to her mouth as she made out with your pussy.

“Abs ‘m gonna cum,” you breath out. “gonna cum.”

You roll your hips up and down, grinding your dripping pussy across her mouth, she growls deeply and sticks her tongue out for your to ride. Her hands moved to your ass to help bounce you up and down.

“Fuck—mm, feels s’ good baby,” your praise her.

You felt your cunt throbs as she groaned out, sending the vibrations up your spine. Please—please you beg, please let me cum. You feel Abby nod her head and she hums again.

Your eyes roll back and as you mouth falls open into an ‘o’ shape, your legs trembling as you gasp for air, not a sound coming from your lips. Abby uses her hands to grip your ass and pull you back down when your pull away, as punishment she shakes your ass a little again to make your clit grind against her chin as she licks at your hole to overstimulate you.

You cry out as she did this and you pull away once more, clawing at the tree bark and breaking some off, making Abby pull away from your weeping pussy breathless as she hears the bark break. She quickly stands up and leans around you to grab your hands and unclench them from the tree, she was worried you might hurt yourself on accident and she did see a few little scraps on the tip of your fingers, but it was nothing to cry home about. She placed kisses on your fingers as you leaned back against her, your head laying on her shoulder and your eyes closed as you catch your breath. Your dress falling back down to cover your decency, and Abby pulled the top back over your tits.

Abby smiles and while still holding your hands she wraps her arms around you and makes your hug yourself with her. She lays her head on your head and places gentle kisses there, closing her eyes as she took in the quite moment in nature with you, letting you soak up that glorious afterglow with her.

Your legs trembled and you staggered a little which made Abby sit down in the ground with you, pulling you to sit on her lap so your pretty dress doesn’t get ruined. She leans back against the tree under the shade and cuddles you close to her chest, leaning down she places another kiss on your head and whisper sweet praises to you.

“Did so well for me babygirl, I love you so much.” And “My good girl, always does so good for me.”

You hum as you relax into her chest and lean your head on her shoulder again— suddenly you felt your tummy rumble, making you sigh. Abby giggles,”You hungry baby?” She reached for her backpack and you look up as she pulls out peanut butter cracks and two apples. Your favorite snacks. You sit up quickly and smile brightly at her and she holds a cracker to your lips. You take a bite with a cute small sound that made Abby’s heart melt. As she was feeding you she used her free hand to rub at your back, gently scratching her nails across the skin giving you goosebumps. Under the bright Seattle sun you both sat there feeding each other, finally enjoying your alone time together.

#lovely people #anon ask #abby anderson #abby anderson/reader #abby tlou #wlw #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson smut #abby anderson tlou2 #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby anderson/you #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson fan fiction #Abby Anderson Blurbs

677 notes · View notes

cbrownjc · 2 months

Text

Alice is in her third trimester

I've seen a few comments about Daniel possibly cheating on Alice with Armand and I'm kinda like . . . you're assuming that Daniel or Armand -- who regularly, at least in the books, would be in situations where Armand would sit in a chair and watch Daniel have sex with other people -- would themselves view that as cheating. Because I don't think they would've. (At the very least, not younger Daniel.)

It's been talked about, more than once, about how the vampires in this universe are inherently polyamorous. I don't think Armand would care at all about sharing Daniel with another lover. And Daniel, being entangled with Armand (and quite possibly Louis as well) for so long might have himself become not overly concerned with such a thing.

I think Alice is the only one who would have cared that Daniel was sleeping with someone else (if she ever found out), and would have seen it that way. But I, personally, can see Armand and younger Daniel not caring about that view of things in the slightest . . . particularly because they were the ones who were together initially anyway. And that Daniel probably first ever got together with Alice during one of Daniel's running away periods.

Because the main thing that led to their splits sometimes, i.e. Daniel running away, was because Armand's refusal to make Daniel a vampire. Other than that, though? Nothing else in the relationship between them was a problem, particularly for Daniel. And I think that is going to be true wrt the show's version of events. Still being with his vampire lover, even after he may have gotten married? Don't think it is at all outside of possibility -- or that Daniel would have any guilt about it.

And THAT piece of information -- that the only problem he had with the relationship with Armand is that Armand wouldn't turn him -- is going to be the info that Daniel, in the present, likely won't want to face about himself IMO.

Daniel is clearly accepting of the fact that he was a shit father and a terrible husband. But accepting the possible true reason behind all of that?

I said it last year, and I'll say it again -- the revelation about the Devil's Minion that's going to hit Daniel the hardest is very likely going to be the one that reveals he has ZERO moral high ground when it comes to these vampires.

At the moment, Daniel can tell himself that he asked Louis for the Dark Gift because he thought Louis was wasting it. But that excuse is not going to work when it comes to the years and years he asked and wanted Armand to turn him.

That Armand refused to break his vow to never bring another into The Blood -- that is what ended up being what drove them apart. Not any moral conscious Daniel ever had, or grew, about being with Armand at all. Not even whatever transpired regarding Daniel and Alice (and Daniel getting her pregnant likely not just once, but twice, never mind marrying her.)

If Armand had decided to break his vow back then, then IMO, Daniel would have accepted. Alice or no Alice. Kids or no kids. Because while Daniel in the present has nice, even sincerely heartfelt memories about Alice? His past self was clearly emotionally checked out of whatever relationship he had with her by the time of that pregnancy announcement in 1985.

1985. The same year when, in the books, Armand finally did break his vow and turn Daniel, on Halloween. And this is what Daniel had to say about it when Armand finally decided to turn him:

"But don't you see," Daniel said, "all human decisions are made like this. Do you think the mother knows what will happen to the child in her womb? Dear God, we are lost, I tell you. What does it matter if you give it to me and it's wrong! There is no wrong! There is only desperation, and I would have it! I want to live forever with you."

As long as Daniel held any knowledge of not only vampires but of Armand specifically, this is what he would think, what he would always want. And that, IMO, is why he was emotionally checked out when Alice announced that pregnancy. Because, at that point in time, he still held the knowledge, of not just vampires, but Armand himself.

And they were still very much entangled with each other at that time IMO. Still lovers.

My theory is that it isn't Daniel kicking his drug habit that had him "getting his shit together." Well, okay, he did kick a drug habit, but the drug in question was actually Armand's blood. Not to mention Armand himself.

And I think that event happened sometime around when Alice was in her third trimester. (Hence, the name of that track listing).

. . . .

I'm also beginning to wonder if Armand actually was the one who repressed/blocked Daniel's memories of him, or if it was someone else. No, I don't think Louis was the one who did it, (or Lestat either btw), and Armand doing it does make the most sense, given he clearly is not harboring any happy thoughts about Alice, and Daniel splitting from him for her. But a day or so before the new clip came out, @faerywhimsy made a comment to me about who could have also done it, given a comment I made elsewhere about the timeline length Daniel and Armand were apart, and what book-event that matches up with and well . . . .

That person being the one who took Daniel's memories not only tracks wrt the timeline Armand and Daniel spend apart, but it would also track when it comes to the relationship Armand has with that person too. That's all I'm saying . . .

. . . .

Anyway, yeah. I think it was around Alice's third trimester when Armand and Daniel actually split for good. Which, depending on when she got pregnant could conceivably be around towards the end of 1985. Though, more possibly, go over into 1986. But I think that is why there is actually a track named that when it comes to the score for Season 2. Because that time period became a significant one. The time when Daniel actually "got his shit together."

And maybe why, in the present, he can have such love and loving thoughts about Alice. Because the reasons for his being emotionally checked out were no longer at the forefront of his mind for so long anymore (even if he still ended up being a shitty husband and father still -- with Alice as his ex and his kids not speaking to him -- without them).

#Daniel Molloy #Daniel Malloy #Armand #The Vampire Armand #armandaniel #Interview with the Vampire #amc iwtv #iwtv #iwtv meta #amc interview with the vampire #Armand x Daniel #Daniel x Armand #I think Daniel's relationships with both Armand and Alice are going to overlap for a while #longer than we might think when it comes to the 1980s #and ESPECIALLY if Night Island still happened and for the reasons it even first came into existence in the first place #just some thoughts #I'm prepared to be wrong #but there is clearly something wrt Alice going on #I never thought she was actually Armand and I always was sure she existed #and I DO think some of Daniel's emotional memories of Armand and now mixed with her #but there is something specific going on there wrt her -- and it ties in/with/about Armand I feel sure #and WHO was Daniel's second wife?#interesting how she hasn't been mentioned or anything aside from just knowing Daniel was married twice . . . .

126 notes · View notes

phantomwitch16 · 6 months

Text

So I just learned the Nanbaka ending. Safe to say that it was not what i expected and I wanna talk about it :,)

Warning to the many people who have not been able to make it past chapter 192 or only watched the anime, the majority of what i know is from TikTok's, the comments of the vids and what i've pulled together by myself and what i've seen on Pinterest. Plus, despite my like for the series, I don't know much, its been a few years since I've done anything with the series , there is a cut off point with the manga and even then i don't know if it was in any particular order.

When i first started the series, I felt like i had a good idea of where the series was going. Like as the series would progress, we learn the pasts and motivations of the main cast, like Uno, Rock, Nico and the others, while seeing Jyugo learn about the shackles and the man on the scar. Then at the end, some shenanigans results in our main cast of idiotic prisoners being released early or finishing off their sentences in around a year or two. but because they either grew attached to the prison or liked the perks of working there (annoying Hajime, anime and food), they decide to go back and become guards of building 13. With Jyugo possibly doing something like this each day.

But that didn't happen. Instead we get something a lot more different than what I originally imagined.

In the end of the series, we learn a lot about Jyugo's backstory, how he and the boys first me and more about the man who shackled him. As it turns out, Jyugo was never friends with Uno, Rock and Nico. They met him but they weren't friends, I think. Initally, I didn't think that he even met them before the start of the series until finding some of the fan translated pics of the manga on Pinterest (Search Nanmaka manga ending Jyugo and you should find something, just find one and keep on scrolling). All the memories that Jyugo had with them were fake ones that were inputted by the clone of the man with the scar/his biological grandfather, i.e. this guy, Hiiro, I think is his name. Hiiro with black hair, scar guy with white guy down here 👇

I'm not entirely clear on what they were planning initially but Hiiro was the one who inputted the memories and orchestrated him going to Namba and becoming friends with the three, who possibly have at least met them individually at tone point. From what I am aware, Jyugo was the clone of Mashiro Mutsuki's (Scar man), grandson who alongside his daughter's, Touko, Jyugo's mother. She died while she was pregnant with Jyugo and Mashiro kept her body so that she could be cloned and give birth to Jyugo.

There were bit and pieces of Jyugo's childhood, with him and Hiiro. And Jyugo was nothing like how he was during the series. He was serious, had no general emotions and all that and i think his clone body was falling apart or he was sort of shapeshifting. He only became somewhat normal and acts similar to how he does to the series when he put the shackles on.

But the shackles had another function and it was to repress his memories and powers. Specifically his memories with Hiiro, the scar man and what his friends did to him. Uno, Nico and Rock were brought in to teach Jyugo how to live in order to be released from prison and gain their freedom. And kill him some time before the series started. This was part of Hiiro’s plan but I’m not too sure about his reasoning. They did that, and when the shackles are gone we see the evidence of it on Jyugo's neck.

All this makes looking back on previous adventures quite differently. In short they were never his friends for a time but did grow close in the time afterwards and began to feel guilt for what they did to him. They eventually come to talk to Jyugo about it and apologise but at this point, it was too late. Jyugo remembers everything when the shackles break and is practically reverted to his previous state. And it leads to a bitter confrontation that leaves the three shaken. As seen below 👇

I'm not sure to what degree of involvement Nanba Prison and the staff there had. By all accounts, its seems that Hajime and the other guards were just as or even more in the dark than Jyugo. Upon finding him, Hajime treats him like he's always has.

The only moderately positive thing and relatively Jyugo related thing that the reverted Jyugo does is that he has a brief interaction with Hajime’s cat who he says goodbye to.

In the end, Jyugo disappeared from the prison with a splatter of blood left behind, leaving apparently with his grandfather. Then that's it. A very WTF kind of ending for a comedic series. It...honestly not what i expected. Beautiful art stuff, yes. WTF moments, yes. Hilarity, yes. A very bitter ending with barely any sweetness in it…neat.

#nanbaka #nanbaka jyugo #nanbaka nico #nanbaka uno #nanbaka rock #nanbaka hajime #nanbaka ending #nanbaka manga #jyugo

114 notes · View notes

rosewaterandivy · 8 months

Text

9. part-time soulmate, full-time problem

Summary: Rumor has it, that hometown hero-turned-teacher Steve Harrington is hot for teacher. The English teacher next door to him at Hawkins High, who also happens to be his childhood friend, that is.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x chaotic!dumbass reader

Warnings: No use of y/n - reader goes by the nickname Trouble instead, cursing, sexual situations - SMUT & idolatry (my usual bullshit), we think we’re ~prank Sinatra~ to disastrous effect i.e. a fake elopement, Modern!Teacher AU, English teacher reader, History teacher Steve, slow burn, friends to lovers, romance.

A/N: hey girl, u up? lemme come thru 💦💦💦 🥵🥵🥵 *slaps roof of fic* You can fit so much reverence and smut in this bad boy. Here’s 5.1K of pure filth and debauchery, holy water can’t help me now! Poetry excerpt from Sue Zhao. 18+ mature content (minors dni). Reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated, please let me know what you thought; enjoy & thanks for reading! 💜

series masterlist | playlist - newly updated!

Steve's playlist for Trouble: trouble will find me

previous || next

Now, Spring Break, Joshua Tree, CA ➡️ Las Vegas, NV

“You did what?”

And it’s not a question, not by a long shot.

If Nancy Wheeler wasn’t some 1,800 miles from you, you’d be seeing the patented snarl right now. The one that says ‘you’ll be dead by my hand and my hand alone.’

There’s a very real possibility that you’ve overplayed your hand this time. What started as a prank, a harmless lark, had devolved into one screeching phone call from Steve’s mother for him and a blistering series rapid-fire of texts for you, followed by a phone call during which Nancy was going to rip you a new asshole.

She didn’t appreciate your texts as you’d hoped.

Trouble 👁️👄👁️: so BDE is not *just* an energy with Steve. got it, good to know.

Natty light 💯: She lives! We haven’t heard from you in days. Wtf did you idiots do?

Trouble 👁️👄👁️: nothing to be concerned about! on an unrelated note, before you check insta remember that i am your BESTIE and you would miss me terribly(!!!) if i died, even if it was at your own hand

Natty light 💯: … I’m going to kill you, and resurrect your dessicated corpse so I can strangle you … slowly and painfully

Trouble 👁️👄👁️: pls mother, no, i’m scared

But hey, it’s not like you woke up and decided to potentially fuck up your life today.

So, yeah. Definitely went too far with it this time, but in your defense, it’s not like anyone was there to reign you in. Steve was just as liable to go on with your half-cocked schemes, even more so now that you could sit back on your heels, all pretty smiles and wide, sweet eyes as your hands unbuckle his belt, still supplicated with chin on his knee, “You said anything...”

Folded like a house of cards the second you got your mouth on him. Shudders when you begin with your tongue first before eager lips stretch to fit him, guiding until he’s nestled in your mouth. And then you move, deliberately measured, building a lazy pace, sluicing him up with spit.

“Ah, shit…” Steve’s words are already betraying him. You smile as his cock pops out of your mouth.

“How’s that? Still wanna make that dinner reservation?” Thick lashes framing glittering doe-eyes peer up at him. Purposely coy. “Or do you want to stay here?”

He returns to himself. Dazed, he blinks at the bright lights and the glossy tiled floor. The marble countertop of the sink where he grips like a lifeline.

The restroom down the hall of the restaurant. Turn a corner and twenty people are sitting at tables, drinking cocktails and cajoling. Your mouth back on him wipes the thoughts from his brain.

Squelching when you push him back past your molars, crushing your tongue.

You slide him out, voice hoarse and breathy and it chills him to the bone the way you whisper, “C’mon baby, let’s have some fun.”

The second day in California runs a lot more smoothly, and the third day is as easy as a breeze. Granted, it’s a hot, humid, sticky type of desert breeze as you wipe a hand across your forehead in the heat of the day.

Steve hums a patient tune, leans back on both palms and you watch the sunlight drape his bare chest in a warm flare. Glowing gold and bronze as if it’s transmuted from the hue in his very eyes.

He is hard and hot when your bare skin touches his. Steve lies down on his side to face you, panting slightly as you glide your hand up and down his arm. Oh fuck, it’s been months and the first man you touch is more like something carved by a master sculptor of Renaissance than any other man. It should be illegal for someone to look this good.

Trembling, you touch the hard planes of his torso, the ridges in his abdomen, the swell of his chest taking hard breaths. You shut your eyes and imagine the way he looks right now—breathless and wild. His knee parts your legs easily and one hand descends to feel your center, saturating your underwear.

“Jesus, baby,” Steve sighs into your neck. “You’re makin’ me crazy. This–” He begins to slide his digits up and down, getting the slippery wetness all over his fingers, “Already…”

A shudder rolls through your body upon hearing his words and you arch into his touch, moaning when he rubs your clit in perfect pulsing circles. He moves forward, kissing the tops of your breasts through your bra, nipping at the soft flesh spilling from the cups.

“Steve, you’ll make me come.” You admit, a little shyly even as your hips rock consciously into his hand. You paw at his arms, squeezing the ridges of muscles.

And you’re abruptly startled awake by the sound your own moans. It’s past four in the morning when you rouse from sleep, frustrated to leave behind the pleasant escape the dream provided.

Damn it all to hell.

A creak of the wood door alerts you to his arrival. Steve is quiet when he sits on your bed, one knee pulled up to his chest while the other leg slinks down by your side, thigh brushing yours where your legs kicked off the covers. A sigh rolls through him at the early hour.

There is discomfort. His body retreats with the shift of your atmosphere. Always too itchy in your own skin. Afraid of being seen, noticed, thought about. He’s good at hearing your silence. Good at reading your language.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

He glistens like a god come to drown you in the sweetest of dreams. It makes your heart plummet to its death at the thought of his departure when you shake your head.

“Me neither.”

He lays back on your bed with a tired sigh, close enough to touch. Your own personal wonder.

“C’mere then,” you tug him to your side. Steve presses his lips to your neck, smiles into the wispy hair at the nape, nuzzles your locks aside to reveal more shoulder. Breathing soft and slow with his face against your neck, chest to your chest. He’s folded and tucked against you, all his strength and gravity nestled to your side.

“Honey—” Steve murmurs, more purposefully now, rasps your name, so soft and reverent you almost don’t hear it.

A confused noise, a second of readjustment to a new position, to his touch, and then you stir and purr.

“Hey, you.” Voice like warm fire, even with disrupted sleep from past few days.

A heavy silence falls between you.

Tell me what you’re thinking. If it was a mistake, tell me. If it wasn’t, tell me. You’ve been avoiding me and look—I want your goddamn babies, but c’mon. You gotta throw me a bone, I’m shit at reading signs.

He wants to take you to pieces, eyes roving your sleep-drowsy form, shorts rucked up on your thighs, shirt askew. Would devour you whole if you’d let him, savor your cries and moans at his capable hands. Make a ruin you only to build you right back up, unable to think of anyone else save him.

Steve arches, brushing the tip of his nose against your chin, up to your own nose, mouth hovering but not quite touching, just feeling each other’s atmosphere. You cross the distance and kiss him, grip tighter now like he could collapse right into you and god, you wish he could. Let you keep every last bit of him forever.

“Can we—”

You savor his lips, caressing the line of his cupid’s bow with your own, tongue flicking over the corners of his mouth, punctuating it chastely like a ritual. He moans, hand on the plane of your back moving, fingers scrambling at your spine before he palms your thigh and slots you flush against his torso with one leg hooked around his waist.

“God yes. Lemme just—”

He tugs at the waistband of your sleeping shorts before he changes his mind and his hands slip into the leg opening of the silk instead, keeping you right where you are. He rucks his own sweats down, just enough to spring himself free, shushing your whines, never letting you get too far, slipping upward, finding your heat.

“Eyes on me, baby.”

“Okay, Steve—ah—”

Right. So this is happening. Like, right the fuck now.

Oh god.

You’re both surprised and terrified, blinking at his urgency, and then you start scrambling, too. A beatific grin blooms on your lips before you tip forward and slowly glide yourself down his considerable size, rubbing back and forth, hips moving easily.

Steve stutters breathlessly like he might go into shock. “You’re all fucking— oh fuckin’ hell.”

You only arch into it, holding his chin between your thumb and forefinger, kissing the bristles of his jaw. You’re soft and warm and he’s utterly overcome. Little noises fall from one mouth to another. An awkward shift and your thighs slip off his, head knocking into him, but neither of you are bothered.

A half-hearted cluck of your tongue gives way to a low moan and you shuffle, flush against his chest, bare bodies warm and growing hotter now. Your palm rubs down his chest, savoring the rougher feel of his hairs there, contrasting your own skin, grasping his jutting hipbones, the strong plane of his abdomen.

Eager fingers slip between flesh. Velvet and surprisingly slick and wrapping around his digits like syrupy flower petals. “Baby girl,” Steve hums at the way you sigh. “Pretty girl.”

Shudders. You’re weak and boneless, slack and supple, pliant to his fingers and words. Little sweet-talker, you never knew he had such a clever tongue until he first slid it against yours in that fevered kiss in December. Now he’ll know all your weaknesses, know every lock and how to pick them until you’re all the way opened up for him.

It’s hard to focus when he’s like this. Perfectly warm. Perfectly adoring. Perfectly fitted. So, so bright with the faintest pink bursting over his cheeks.

You whimper with his every stroke. Every plunge. His other hand runs itself up the nape of your neck, fingertips in your scalp and you arch like a cat for more.

“So good,” Steve praises, “Nice and tight, squeezin’ around me. All wet for me, aren’t you?”

“Uh— mhm.” Inarticulate noises. Woozy and wrapped in his affection.

His eyes– pupils blown wide, half-hooded with lust and love– immobilize you, memorizing every inch of your face. He smiles. Christ, a smile that could launch a thousand ships. That could blind the whole world.

You curse quietly, blood pounding in your ears, your chest, your throat where he latches on with his perfect mouth, marking you up with his spit quickly followed by his teeth.

“Keep going—oh, don’t stop–“

“You want it like this, honey?” He sucks on your collar, on your shoulder, taking every whimper and cry as a command to continue.

They flower all over your chest. Red and purple and swollen bright for everyone to see—just like him. And the very thought of him, of you, lost to it takes you over the edge, calling his name like you’re at an altar in supplication.

“That’s it, honey. Be a good girl and come for me.”

With a tremble that vibrates all the way to into Steve’s soul, you obey. Onto his hips and abdomen, gushing a little, and with some embarrassment that it happened all so quickly.

Your lids flutter open and you see as Steve hitches himself deeper, grinding his hips, gripping your thighs, and fills you all the way up until the stars behind your eyes whites out your vision, making you stutter and keen as you continue to fall apart.

Then he stills, pulling you even closer, body slick with dew in the early morning light. The two of you lie in perfect symmetry, trembling in each other’s arms.

And because you’re a sap with too much poetry rattling around your brain, all that pops into your head is:

In my dreams I am kissing your mouth and you’re whispering ‘where have you been?’ I say, ‘I’ve been lost but I’m here now. You’re the only person who has ever been able to find me.’

You allow yourself to sink into the feeling, expecting the tight fit of something new but finding that not to be the case at all. But rather brushing against something well-worn, as if it had been waiting for you all this time.

“God, Steve—” you rasp. “You’ve been holding out on me.”

Steve laughs low, kisses the blooming bruises up and down your neck, makes you whine again, sensitive and aching. His clever tongue wonders sweetly, “How’s staying in bed all day sound?”

You laugh. He’ll learn everything you like. Know all your weaknesses. How can you say no to something like that?

It’s different, almost tender in the afternoon.

His abs clench in time with his fists, wet fingers digging into his palms, bit-back groans barely contained. You keep going, marveling at the way he’s sensitive, kissing his neck, letting him feel good. Steve begins to protest, embarrassed at the way you’re moving, at how he’s powerless against you.

“S-slow—hold on—“

“Let me do it, Stevie.” He’s so hard it hurts. “I wanna learn everything you like.”

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Steve holds himself to calm down, other hand steadying your teasing. Nothing’s happened yet, you just started back up again after a late breakfast, having slept soundly through the morning, and he might already blow his whole fucking load.

“Okay—just—will you give me a second–”

Using the position you’re already in, he pushes you up against the mattress and guides you back down, hitching your thighs around his hips, sinking a bit at a time until you’re landing on him with a gasp. He eases into you with what he hopes is restraint, letting you have it slow, feeling you shudder from inside your goddamn bones with every further inch until he takes it away and you shimmy down to the hilt.

Your eyes roll back. And you look perfect.

“Was it good?” He blurts, “With Eddie?”

He doesn’t know why it slips out; he never thinks about it, honest. It was a series of hook ups. A few times over the years—and he’s not jealous like that because you’re all adults, and it’s not like he’s a virgin or an ascetic, either. You freeze, but he really is an idiot because instead of apologizing or rectifying that outburst, he cuts you off.

“I can give it to you better.”

Because Steve wants to. He really does.

He presses onward before you can respond, taking hold of what little courage he has, making you whimper, feeling prouder as he goes. Another one and you’re meeting him with a roll of your own hips. Another one, harder now, and you’re shaking down below him, tipping back into the pillows, grinding recklessly with that exhilaration he adores.

“Baby, you feel amazing.” Tongue-tied like a schoolboy, he’s keening after your words. “Can I have you all the time?” And Jesus wept who knew you could talk so sweet and filthy.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Steve promises, his jaw hanging open in awe, “I’m yours. You can have me as much as you want— anytime.”

You bite your lip, skin of it pulled taut and snapping back bruised, light-headed and reeling. Glistening across your collarbones with his spit, body trembling like a high note. He feels it— just a little more— god, you look incredible— he’s gotta hold out for this— and then—fuck.

It’s wet and divine when you come. Slick and tight, dragging him under as you ride out your orgasm, pulling him in like he belongs in you forever.

And he knows. He knows, he knows, he knows.

Steve could die happy seeing your face like this every day.

Two weeks prior…

“Eddie…tell me the truth,” You ask slowly, folding clothes (well, that’s a generous term— it’s more haphazardly tossing and bundling laundry into your open suitcase). “It’s good, isn’t it? Shawty, tell me what that thang do!”

You waggle your brows, make a V-shape with your fingers, and lewdly run your tongue up and down between them. Steve thinks he sees you looking at him, but he feels himself flushing at your comment and pretends like he’s enthralled with the most recent episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Half-keeping an eye on you to make sure you actually pack actual pajamas and pants for this trip.

“Dude. Stop it.” Eddie groans, knowing you’re all too familiar with his endowments and prowess from previous experience.

Whomever currently was getting the Eddie Munson midnight special was having a helluva time.

You lob a pair of leggings toward your suitcase, “Kobe!”

You miss.

Eddie cackles, “How’re you gonna disrespect a legend like that, and miss?!”

“Okay!” Steve yells, pushing you off the couch in the living room, “That’s enough of that. I’m going for a run.”

Landing on your shoulder with a grunt, you brush away the rough sting of the carpet and catch the last second of his shadow before he’s gone from the room.

“What?” You call, projecting your voice and hoping he hears, “What’d I do? Steve!”

The scrape of the chair legs signals Eddie standing up, too. A shake of his head and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“You know,” he starts, “For all your insight, you’re pretty dense.”

There’s nothing in your head but sawdust and thoughts about his… activities under the sheets his flavor of the month. You shake it out of your brain before it lingers too long. Eddie points sharply down the hall to where Steve’s shadow has slipped out of view and hearing-distance.

“You know he likes you, right?”

Uh? Your brain is the mac loading wheel, just spinning. “Of course he does? We’re buddies?”

Eddie cuffs you in the back of the head, “Get it together. Like is putting it lightly, too. Love is closer to the truth.”

“Now,” Eddie leans over you, menacing you with his height. “How about you go listen to the record he gave you and think about what you’ve done, hmm?”

Then, he saunters off, shaking his head all the while, leaving you to gape down the hall like a fish. Steve? In love? With you?

Flashes explode in your brain like fireworks. His jacket over your shoulders—not the first time. Sitting underneath your legs— nearly tradition. Morning errand runs even though he hates them. The banter—him, scolding your motor-mouth, you— never stopping. Circles he rubs on your knees— the laughter—damn it, so much laughter.

Steve? In love? With you? It’s more likely than you think.

Back in your bedroom and chastened, you wait until the front door closes signaling Steve’s exit. Turning to the wall dedicated to your impassioned analytical skills, you eye the various colors of yarn showing the various connections that could be drawn from the song choice and order in which they were placed.

Printed out pages of lyrics have been annotated to death, some phrases scrawled more largely than others for importance. You stare at the wall for the better part of an hour, long enough to come to the end of the playlist. Sufjan Stevens rhapsodizes on the mystery of love and fades into Matt Berninger singing how he needs his girl.

A gasp. A choke and a wail somewhere deep inside your chest as you slowly, methodically begin removing the pins and pages from your wall. Realization settling on you heavy with mood.

Clearly, this was not some bush-league bullshit.

Hesitant, but growing in the knowledge that Steve, your best friend whom you annoy to no end, is irrefutably and undeniably in love with you. You’d have seen it sooner if you weren’t such a dumbass, all the signs had been there just lying in wait. The front door opens once more, his voice calling out to Robin in the kitchen about dinner.

“Steve.” You light out of your room, tearing down the hallway. “Stevie! Steve! I’m sorry! Steve oh my god! I’m a fuckup!”

You trip on the corner of the floor runner, as he turns, slightly confused, one hand reaching out to catch you as you careen into his chest with a thunk.

You must look a wreck, hair in disarray and panting hard, him sweat-slick, bearing your weight as he sets you right on your feet.

Steve raises an eyebrow, blinks at the way the front of your shirt slides from your shoulder and takes his ear buds out, looking at you like you’re a first-rate idiot.

And well ... he’s not wrong.

The flight to Vegas is painless, though you are put out at having to leave the love nest that bloomed like a night flower in the Californian desert. A lazy, slow start to the day. Sticky and sweet like biting into a ripe peach, juices flowing down against sun-warmed skin.

His hand pulling at yours, guiding you through the crowds of the airport, looking back to you frequently, as if he can’t bring himself not to. One hour later and viva, Las Vegas!

As it turns out, it’s fairly easy to fake a Vegas elopement. Just a matter of subterfuge and a wedding chapel, which are a plenty in Clark County. Steve in a suit (“You weren’t even wearing a tie, Steven! Who gets married looking like that!?”), rotating the signet of his ring out of sight, the ‘H’ resiting against the underside of his ring finger so just the band was visible.

You in a dress, something white and off the rack from Neiman’s, your ring, courtesy of Steve, moved from your right hand to your left. Sapphire earrings as your something blue, Manolo Blahnik pumps in your favorite color, a gift from Steve, as your something new.

A well-timed call to Jonathan, he was in town for a shoot and just so happened to have a few hours to kill. An appointment at the Graceland Wedding Chapel and 250 dollars later, you have yourself a believable elopement, no marriage certificate required.

Even drove out to the Red Rock Mojave desert outside of town for a photoshoot courtesy of one Jonathan Byers, professional photographer. By the time you’d made it back to your room at the Wynn that night, he’d already done a rough edit of a few photos for you to post to the ‘gram. Piece of cake, really.

It was all well and good. Steve even let you tag him and posted his favorite images himself, miracle of miracles. The man does jack shit with social media, claims he only has the account for the groupchats and memes. Captioned it something like ‘married AF’ because he’s a dork; first photo in the carousel was a shot of your hands, showing off the new bling with the wedding chapel sign in the background.

You opted for the more truthful, ‘ew, boy. you’re, like, obsessed with me’ and selected a photo where your legs wrapped around Steve’s hips after he’d told you to ‘time to giddy-up, yeah?’ with a wink and caught you in his arms before kissing you stupid. You were quite pleased with yourself until the phones began to ring.

“Jus’ ignore it, honey.” His teeth pull against your bottom lip, bringing your attention back to him. You screw your eyes shut, hand falling to cup the nape of his neck as his lips continue their mapping of your skin. Purposefully, he plays with a lock of your hair, tucks it behind your ear, and lets his finger ghost over your neck. “Gonna kiss you now,” you murmurs, “Doin’ some of my best work here and you’re missing it.”

He pouts.

Your throat clenches, bobbing with a thick swallow and Steve thinks if this wasn’t so tender and sweet, he’d be latching onto that pulse instead. “Okay…” Your mouth parts expectantly, eyes fluttering closed, hand coming up to caress his jaw.

It’s sublime. It’s perfect. It’s the biggest relief he’s ever felt when you return his touch—parting your lips to receive the tip of his tongue against yours. Thirst. Desperation. Enthusiastic limbs scrambling to feel more of him. A bucking of your hips against his thigh and he’s soaring up into heaven with the sensation.

Except the damn phone won’t stop ringing.

“Steve,” you pant, hand reaching up to fist his hair and pull him from your the sensitive spot he’s located behind your ear. As you tangle your fingers in his mane of hair, securing your grip with a tug, he breaks contact with your slick skin with a strangled moan.

Oh.

You file that particular reaction away for further investigation and direct his attention to the loudly ringing phone on the nightstand. He rolls off of you with an exasperated noise and answers the call in a sulk. “Hi, Ma.”

His expression changes so quickly you nearly have whiplash; lazy and pouty one moment to shocked silent in the next while his mother lectures him, a mile a minute. Eyes cutting to you, he grabs your phone from the same table and holds it in font of you to unlock it via Face ID. You roll your eyes and bat him away, taking a slug of water from the glass on your bedside table.

“Shit,” Steve mutters, putting himself on mute and his mom on speaker as he scrolls through your phone. “Holy fucking shit, nonono.”

You lean over and take a peek. He’s thumbing through Facebook, pupils blown wide in shock at the sheer number of notifications on his accidental post. Because yes, Steve accidentally cross-posted the photos from Instagram to Facebook as an update, like genius.

“Are you fucking kidding me!?”

He drops your phone on the bed when it starts to ring, like it’s a venomous thing that could take him down in one strike.

Sheepishly, he looks to you and mouths ‘I’m so sorry’ as he returns to his mother’s raging diatribe.

After checking the caller ID, you answer, voice flat. “Hello.”

“You little scamp,” Eddie tuts, “Stole my idea of eloping in Vegas and everything, I hate you.”

In spite of yourself, you crack a smile. “It’s a prank, babe.” A sigh as you pull your hair up and off of your shoulders. “Not legally binding at all. Having Byers on deck really sold the idea though.”

“You are the absolute worst, Trouble.” You warm at his soft laughter, “What’d you do to get Steve to agree? Drop to you knees all nice and pretty?”

A swell of pride accompanies the rush of heat at the thought of your earlier rendezvous. “Y’know Eds, I did exactly that. How perceptive of you.”

He cackles. “It’s tried and true for a reason, babe.” Steve is nodding furiously at whatever his mother is yammering on about, bare back toward you as he sits on the edge of the bed.

A push and a slide across the rumpled sheets and you’ve wrapped around him like a vine. His thumb rubs at your ankle, pulling your leg to envelop his hip. Opposite arm dangling across his chest as you press your face into his neck, revelling in his scent—cypress, vetiver, and something slight musky tinged with salt. All warm and pliable.

“Nance may have called in some reinforcements.” Eddie says carefully. “I told her to fuck off, but she’s beyond reason at this point.”

“Whaddya mean?”

He sighs, “Just be on the lookout for an angry lesbian, alright?”

You snort, drawing Steve’s attention. He twists in your hold, phone discarded on the table finally, fingers trailing tantalizingly up and down your sides. Pushes you back against the bed, chin resting on your sternum as you talk with Eddie, head tilted as he listens.

Begging off the phone call, you say your goodbyes. “Hey,” Eddie says before you go, voice soft and warm, “You happy babe? You sound it.”

“Yeah,” you turn your head and grin at the ridiculousness of your life. Steve follows your lips, his own blazing a trail across your chest and up to meet your shoulder. “I’m really happy, Eds.”

Steve plucks the phone from your hand, “Bye Munson!” He sings before ending the call and unceremoniously dropping your phone on the floor.

And Steve never thought a person was supposed to laugh so hard during sex, or maybe that’s just your own brand of love, but he doesn’t want to find out with anyone else.

It’s the fifth time, and Steve’s dick is about to fall off—how are you still doing this—just a few thrusts in when the banging on the door frightens the both of you into your clothes.

Robin swings it open and Steve is desperately tucking himself into his pants before—please, no.

“It smells like ass in here!” She hollers, “The hell have you two been—oh my god.”

“Shut up, Rob!” You respond from the corner of the room, head ripping through the neck hole of a shirt, legs wiggling into a pair shorts. Steve is still shirtless, hoping he might spontaneously combust.

“Oh my god,” Robin whispers again, “Oh… my god.” She sputters on the verge of either eruption or death.

“You freaky little—” she hisses, before screaming, “Oh fuck no! I’m here picking your asses up. Got on a flight at ass o'clock from Indy— you're butt-ass-naked in here—” She stands ram-rod straight, hands on her hips angrily. “I’m tellin’ on you.”

“Telling on?! What are you, five!? You’re so annoying, Rob!”

“Annoying? What’s annoying is—I’m exhausted! And well— you're exhausted too, huh?”

“I hate you.”

She snickers, high-fiving herself before crossing her arms, “Now get your freaky asses outside so I can go home and drink myself into forgetting I ever saw Harrington’s dick.”

You pat her on the shoulder, “It’s nice, huh?”

Robin dry-heaves, “Uh-uh. That’s enough. Go wash your damn hands.”

A few minutes later, Steve closes the door to the now-silent hotel room, damp with sweat and the lingering aroma of musk. Robin trots on ahead, leading the pair of you through the lobby and out into the dry desert heat.

His hand pulls at yours, reassuring and warm. A small smile blooms across your face and you allow yourself to revel in it for a moment: heading home with Steve, can't even bring yourself to be all that mad at Robin's antics.

Not when he turns back to check on you, all tan skin and that devastating smile. Tugs you closer as Robin flags down the Uber, lays his lips against yours, and kisses you with a sweetness only he could bring.

Oh yeah, you think tangling your free hand in his shirt. This'll do just fine.

#steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut #reader insert #teacher!steve #the kids aren't alright - rosewaterandivy

98 notes · View notes

elumish · 2 months

Text

This is specifically because of a fanfic I'm reading that's implying that a federal contractor is deliberately overcharging the government out of spite (and that this is a good thing), but I genuinely think for both a writing reason and a living in the world (or at least the U.S., which is the system I know about) reason that people should understand at least some degree of how federal procurement works.

I'm very far from an expert on how it works, but here's a very high level overview of how that process works*:

The government decides it needs something. It may or may not know what it needs

The government releases a Request for Information (RFI) where it lays out more or less what it needs and asks for answers on what that could look like and what kind of contract vehicle that should be on

Companies respond to the RFI. This is an opportunity to try to shape what the contract might look like, including what kind of companies can bid on it (i.e., is it open to big corporations or is it a small business set-aside, including potentially a specific type of small business set-aside like woman-owned or Native-owned)

The government decides what it actually needs (or what it thinks it needs) and releases a Request for Proposal (RFP) that outlines what they need and who can bid**

Companies respond to the RFP. The proposal generally includes a technical section (how the company will do what is needed), a management section (how they'll run the contract), a staffing section (how they'll staff it, including who they may staff it with), a past experience section (what the company has done before that's similar), and a pricing section (how much it will cost and why it will cost that much)

If it is a small business set-aside, big companies will often pair or "team" with small businesses. The big companies will get 49% or less of the contract

Once the proposals are in, the contracting shop of whoever released the RFP will review and select a company*** to award the contract to. This is based on a number of things, including compliance (did they literally follow the instructions), technical approach (does their way seem like the best way), and price. The cheapest doesn't always win, but there are rules about when the government can go with a more expensive bid

Once the contract is awarded, billing works however is laid out in the contract. There are a few common ways that this happens, including Firm Fixed Price (FFP) where individual deliverables have a price that can be billed once they're submitted and approved by the government, as well as Time and Materials (T&M) where each individual person on the contract has a specific bill rate based on their labor category

If something about that is going to change, whether it's deliverables or pricing, there needs to be an official contract modification****

Overcharging or falsely charging the government is super illegal. Booz Allen recently had to pay $377 million for doing this.

*This is true for services/tech systems/etc. I'm not as sure about procurement of stuff.

**There are an extremely limited number of sole-source or non-competitive contracts. They're also very complicated and there are rules about them.

***There are things called Indefinite Delivery, Indefinite Quantity (IDIQ) contracts where they basically narrow down to a few companies who can then bid on individual tasks. These are complicated and I'm super not an expert on these.

****Some contracts are weird.

#us government #federal contracting

39 notes · View notes

ladykinrannoch · 2 months

Note

Hi Lady Kinrannoch, I thought you would want to know that in Mad World Tarot's latest reading ("99. Harry's Hulu-baloo about Prince William"), she apologized for not uploading videos yesterday because she did a heath check reading on Catherine and also checked in on William in light of the Hulu show about Harry's IG in Canada and they were the darkest readings MWT has ever read on William and Catherine on her YT channel... to the point MWT decided not to upload the readings and deleted the videos. MWT says she will read again in a few days to see if Catherine and William's energy/situation have improved. It surprised me because I know you and Celtic Cross had very nice, positive readings a few weeks ago on Catherine... but I realize that was before the Hulu show premiered the other day. Just thought you would want a heads up as I know you read cards on the British Royal Family too.

Yes I watch MWT regularly so I am aware. This is an interesting question. Since a few of us are struggling with the energies!.

I am becoming more conscious of the fact that some of us may be under psychic attack to disrupt our connections and readings. I am going to start calling quarters and closing a circle before I do BRF readings. The fact that Paula said she felt ill afterwards is to me a sign of psychic interference and bad energy. I think I was just lucky with that last reading.

I snuck in a Celtic Cross reading VERY early this morning while California was sleeping (unless her and Dorito stay up all night hurling psychic attacks to disrupt our readings, there are times in the day that are better than others) and this morning's reading was not bad.

I can't remember everything because I packed it up because the cleaner was coming.

What i can remember. Catherine coming from a feeling of being unfairly treated past energy - Justice Rx - to good news 8 wands upright in what happens next. Situation the Moon upright, all is not as it seems, we are not being told everything, crossed by the Magician (using all the tools at her disposal) - she has done something she needed to do for the greater good of the family. It is something that has been a challenge for her before. Her goal card Queen of Swords upright which suggests she is feeling stronger and harsher. Then...hidden energy Queen of wands Rx I.e Meghan blocked in the situation.

The Hierophant - secrets in the broader context. In others views, The Empress (abundance and fertility) and hopes and fears the Chariot (William and moving forward with pace, direction and fast decisions) together ❤

Outcome Page of Swords Rx. A decision and communication that goes against someone. Clarifier card the slow knight of Pentacles - Harry. I think William will never allow him back.

So I am sticking with my stance that it is not as serious as the squad are dramatizing.

I think William is coming into his own. I am not surprised he opted to stay with Catherine and do the school run. I believe both William and Catherine are embracing their destiny. And I think it will come sooner than everyone thinks. Along with a surprise or two. Like I said if I am wrong I will eat a tarot card.

#brf #british royal family #royal reading #tarot by ladykinrannoch #tarot

29 notes · View notes

kokoch4n3l · 9 days

Text

DEAD GIRL'S BEACH࿐ྂ "just givin' the same care you gave me, bunny. so whatcha' crying 'bout?"

—headcanons and other info about the fic

warnings: DARK CONTENT, all warnings for the general fic apply here too

notes: recommended to be read after chapter 11. format inspired by @highpri3stess

While this is being posted, I'm writing chapter 12 which is a means to an end of this fic. Chapter 13 is an epilogue of some sort that transitions into the canon events of the manga as well as the things that happen after Mikey dies and after Kakucho shoots Takemichi and Kiskai shoots Naoto. These headcanons follow MY storyline of the main story and will include things from the two bonus chapters I will post once I have finished the main story.

Now, this fic is actually inspired by a character.ai bot: Patient Izana. How I got this fic from that? Honestly, I have no idea.

KUROKAWA IZANA࿐ྂ

Introducing antagonist number 1, Kurkokawa Izana.

At first, while writing I thought of making Izana the stereotypical 'psycho' and unstable patient and maybe give him joker vibes but then I changed it and decided that I should fuckin' wing it. While he may not exude the same overt instability as a character like the Joker, Izana possesses a chilling charisma and a cunning intellect that sets him apart as a formidable adversary, especially for someone who doesn't know how or when to quit(i.e. Takemichi and Maya)

Izana is a guy that leaves a lasting impact. Think about Bonten Timeline— Mikey practically turned himself into Izana, and based his entire gang around a guy he knew for a day.

But Izana is more than just a charismatic leader; he's a master manipulator, adept at pulling the strings behind the scenes to achieve his goals. His actions are calculated, his motivations shrouded in mystery, making him all the more captivating to those who seek to unravel the enigma that is Kurkokawa Izana. While his methods may be ruthless and his morality questionable, there's no denying the complexity of his character and the lasting impact he leaves on the narrative as a whole.

At his core, Izana is driven by a complex web of desires and insecurities, many of which stem from his tumultuous past and his fractured relationship with authority figures. Raised in an environment rife with instability and neglect, Izana developed a deep-seated need for control and validation, traits that manifest in his interactions with others. His penchant for manipulation stems from a deep-rooted fear of vulnerability, driving him to assert dominance over those around him as a means of self-preservation.

Moreover, Izana's psychosexual tendencies and mommy issues add another layer to his character, revealing the depths of his psychological turmoil. His attraction to Maya, for example, is not just driven by physical desire but also by a subconscious need to exert control and dominance, mirroring the dynamics of his upbringing. His dehumanizing language and possessive behaviour towards Maya reflect his twisted perceptions of love and affection, rooted in a distorted understanding of intimacy and connection.

In the ever-shifting landscape of the narrative, Izana remains a constant, a dark presence that looms large over the lives of those he encounters, leaving chaos and destruction in his wake.

Now moving on from the fancy words and shit— I think a lot of fans forget that Kisaki isn't the reason Izana is how he is. Kisaki was simply an enabler of sorts. Izana was a crazy bitch even before meeting him. He beat the shit out of a bunch of guys to the point where they would never heal and drove a kill to kill himself and that way before he met Kisaki. This guy is batshit crazy even without outside influences which makes him a pretty good antagonist in comparison to the rest of the Tokyo Revengers 'villans' who were unknowingly manipulated by Kisaki. Izana knows what Kisaki is doing but also doesn't give two shit about it.

He is emotionally constipated and doesn't know how to properly express his emotions as he doesn't exactly have a proper authority figure in his life or someone to guide him. Sure Shinichiro was there but probably not around as often.

Now with Mikey, Izana mentally abuses the shit out of him but on a more vague level. If you remember back in season 3, Izana says "I'll make you suffer bitterly" and he's talking about/to Mikey. Mikey represents power and authority, someone he can exert control over and use to further his own ambitions within Tokyo Manji Gang. Izana plays on Mikey's sense of loyalty and duty to the gang, using their familial ties as leverage to keep him under his thumb.

He sees Mikey as his personal possession and therefore can do what he wants to him hence the "my mikey" thing in season 3. I feel like Izana wanted to own everything Shinichiro had rather than destroy it. Like he said he wanted to in the manga/anime. I mean c'mon this guy looked up to Shin. (Well then again this is fanfiction so I could be wrong.) But anyways...

I had Izana refer to Mikey as Manjiro because Shinichiro calls Mikey that. But I feel like when around a bunch of people he calls him Mikey because it's a business name of some sort??(idk where I'm going with this)

While Izana's abuse towards Mikey may not always be as overt as it is with Maya, it is no less damaging. The psychological toll of Izana's manipulation weighs heavily on Mikey, eroding his sense of self-worth and leaving him vulnerable to Izana's influence. Yet, despite the suffering it causes, Izana derives a twisted sense of satisfaction from seeing Mikey bend to his will, relishing in the power he holds over his younger brother. In Izana's eyes, Mikey is not just a brother, but a pawn in his grand game of manipulation and control—a possession to be used and discarded at his whim.

Maybe Izana does love Mikey deep down but his pettiness is stopping him from really doing anything.

Would you guys believe me if I said Izana actually likes Maya tho? Izana is like “I feel in love but idk what to do so imma absolutely traumatizing the person I’m in love with cuz idk how else to portray my feelings”

Izana never had anything so all he does is take. He takes and takes from you and when you think you've got nothing more to give, he still finds something more to take.

Which makes Maya such a great 'victim'(idk if that's the right word) for him. In chapter 11 I wrote "She always had so much love but nowhere to put it. It's as if she's been searching for something or someone to share her love with, but each time she reaches out, she's met with rejection or betrayal. Whenever there is someone to love, they suck it out of her greedily. Just keeping taking and taking and taking till there's nothing left to take."

The crazy thing about ppl like this(aka me) is that there will always be more for them to give and Izana knows that. So he knows that no matter what he keeps taking, Maya will always have more for him. She is like a wellspring of love and affection, always there to provide him with the validation and attention he craves. It's a dynamic fueled by Izana's insatiable need for control and dominance, where Maya's boundless capacity for love becomes both a source of fascination and exploitation.

Izana sees Maya as a pet. Not even in a cute way. Izana is the reason for the dehumanization tag in the fic. He's not calling her bunny in a cute way or anything like that. He literally sees her like a pet. Izana treats Maya the same way one would treat an abused animal from a shelter(at least when he's not torturing or mentally abusing her). He does care to some extent but not in the same way as one would with a human.

I remember while writing this and seeing someone on TikTok post "You have to say 'what if it was your sister, mother, etc.' for men to see other women as human" and me and my writing have never been the same since and I kind of wrote Izana around that. Izana is such a family guy that it even affects the way he treats other women to an extent. As long as they aren't involved in something that I guess 'betrays' him— knowingly or unknowingly— he probably won't do anything.

If you remember, I put a lot of emphasis on Maya's hair and Izana's feelings toward it. In chapter 5 it's the first thing Izana notices about her. That part was written through Maya's pov and my girl was panicking so she did not notice that he absolutely HATED that shit.

When Emma died, I noticed she had the same haircut as Kurokawa Karen did in the flashback where she revealed to Izana that she wasn't his mother. So lol,,, I feel like Izana agreed to let Emma die because of that. Moving on, Maya cut her hair the same way which brought Izana back 12 years, remembering Emma and then remembering Karen, which brings us to where we are now.

The question is: Would Izana have done all this to Maya had she not cut her hair?

Nope, he wouldn't have.

Maya's decision to cut her hair becomes a catalyst for Izana's descent into madness, dredging up long-buried memories and unresolved traumas.

Ultimately, Izana's obsession with Maya is driven by a profound sense of loss and longing, intertwined with his own twisted desires for control and dominance. Whether Maya is aware of the depths of Izana's feelings towards her remains uncertain, but one thing is clear—her presence in his life has irrevocably changed him, for better or for worse.

Despite Izana's facade of manipulation and control, there's an underlying vulnerability to his character, a fractured psyche shaped by years of trauma and neglect from being in the orphanage. His relationship with Maya is fraught with contradictions, veering between moments of tenderness and brutality, as he grapples with his conflicting emotions towards her.

For Izana, Maya represents both a source of salvation and torment, a reflection of his own fractured identity. In her, he sees echoes of his past, reminders of the love and loss he has experienced(which is somehow just from her haircut and not her person as a whole, but he’s crazy so what can we expect). Yet, he also views her as a means of redemption, a chance to right the wrongs of his past and find solace in her unconditional affection.

KAKUCHO࿐ྂ

I was a little confused about how to write Kakucho but then I read that in one of the character books that Izana physically punished(beat the shit outta him) him for letting the Haitani brothers have different coloured uniforms in the Tenjiku arc and I was inspired. The revelation of Izana's physical punishment towards Kakucho sheds light on the complexities of their relationship, highlighting the influence of authority and control.

A lot of people forget that Kakucho is younger than Izana. Although Wakui didn't specify his age/the year he was born but I assume it's 1991 like Takemichi which gives Izana and Kakucho a 4 year difference.

Kakucho carries the weight of his responsibilities with a stoic demeanour, displaying maturity beyond his years. His unwavering commitment to his friends and his gang is a testament to his steadfast loyalty and sense of duty.

Kakucho is a relatively good guy. Or as good as someone in a gang gets. I feel like he doesn't really care much about violence until a girl is involved just like past toman!mikey. Idk Kakucho just gives me that vibe.

Like Maya, Kakucho contemplated killing himself until Izana gave him a reason to live as his servant (which btw wtf but at the same time, same kaku cuz I do dumb shit like that too).

His inability to set boundaries with Izana underscores the power dynamics at play within their relationship, wherein Kakucho's loyalty often outweighs his own autonomy. Despite his caring and compassionate nature, Kakucho's actions are ultimately influenced by his allegiance to Izana and the gang, leading him to make difficult and sometimes morally questionable decisions.

Kakucho is a really sweet and caring guy, hence why I wrote him as the healer in the moodboard. But that is crossed off and dark knight is also there. Kakucho is a good guy but he's in a gang. People in gangs are NOT good people no matter what anyone says. Kakucho has killed people with and without Izana's command and I think most of the time he doesn't regret it.

Kakucho 100% loves Izana and would do anything for him, even if that includes going back on his word and telling Maya to stay.

At first, Kakucho wants Maya to run. He sees her as Takemichi(play washing machine heart by mitski). Of course, that is because of her major features which are black curly hair and blue eyes. That and her inability to know when to quit. Kakucho want(s)(ed) to see Maya escape, to see if she can get away the same way Takemichi did— which is why in chapter 5 he opened the door for her even though he knew Izana would beat his ass for it.

Kakucho is a great guy, but also don't forget he's also a man. Men are fucking stupid and do stupid things for their friends and Kakucho is one of those stupid guys.

Everyone is a product of their surroundings and Kakucho has literally grown up with Izana. Growing up in such an environment has desensitized Kakucho to violence and manipulation, making him adept at navigating the complex power dynamics within the gang. However, despite his hardened exterior, there are glimpses of empathy and compassion within him, which are often overshadowed by his loyalty to Izana and the gang's objectives.

Maya's presence serves as a point of intrigue for Kakucho, offering him a glimpse into a different world beyond the confines of the gang. Her resilience and determination in the face of adversity captivate him, prompting him to observe her with a mixture of curiosity and admiration. However, his loyalty to Izana ultimately dictates his actions, leading him to prioritize the Izana’s interests over Maya's well-being.

He is no different even if he is mellowed down. Maya is something to observe for him as well. His interactions with Maya serve as a microcosm of this dynamic, as he observes her with a mixture of curiosity and calculation. While Kakucho may possess a gentler demeanour compared to Izana, his underlying loyalty to Izana and the gang's interests colours his perceptions and actions. Her presence serves as a catalyst for introspection, prompting Kakucho to question his own beliefs and motivations in the context of their tumultuous environment. However, this introspection is tempered by his ingrained loyalty to Izana, leading Kakucho to prioritize the gang's interests even as he grapples with conflicting feelings towards Maya.

In essence, Kakucho's relationship with Maya serves as a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery. Through their interactions, he confronts the influence of his upbringing, grapples with his loyalty to Izana, and ultimately begins to forge his own path independent of the toxic dynamics that have defined his existence thus far.

SANO "MIKEY" MANJIRO࿐ྂ

Writing Mikey was a bit of a challenge. There is very little said about the Manila Future Timeline and what exactly pushes him to go psycho-killer and murder everyone. But because there is so little said about it, there is a lot you can do and it's easy to build on canon by just makin' up your own shit which is how this fic became a thing. Mikey was not in the original cast but then I was like, nah let's add this crazy ass mfer cuz he's me but a guy.

Anyways, Manila Timeline I feel is pretty tragic. Everyone has left him and he's clinging onto the one person he has left, Izana(Sanzu is there too but you guys get the gist). I don't remember if the other captains had left Toman or not but at least in this fic, they all left the gang after high school as I imagine around that time is when things started to get serious.

Shinichiro is dead, Emma is dead, his friends have all left him.

As those closest to him fade away, Mikey finds himself increasingly isolated, clinging desperately to the one remaining pillar of support: Izana.

In the absence of familial and emotional connections, Mikey's bond with Izana takes on a heightened significance. Despite Izana's manipulative tendencies and questionable motives, he becomes Mikey's sole anchor in a world consumed by chaos and uncertainty. Their relationship becomes a lifeline for Mikey, offering a semblance of stability and belonging in the face of overwhelming loss.

As Mikey grapples with the trauma of his past and the bleakness of his present reality, his psyche begins to unravel, paving the way for his descent into darkness. The allure of power and control becomes increasingly seductive as he seeks to reclaim a sense of agency in a world that has stripped him of everything he holds dear.

In the midst of his turmoil, Mikey's relationship with Izana takes on a complex dynamic, marked by a blend of dependence, manipulation, and a twisted sense of loyalty. Despite Izana's questionable actions and motives, Mikey clings to him as a lifeline, perhaps seeing in him a semblance of the family and stability he has lost. However, this reliance on Izana also exposes Mikey to further manipulation and exploitation. Izana, recognizing Mikey's vulnerability and need for connection, may exploit this dependency to further his own agenda, further blurring the lines between ally and adversary in their tumultuous relationship.

Basically, Mikey literally just wants his family back and Izana is being a huge fuckin meanie about it.

Mikey is "if you need to be mean, be mean to me" @ Izana because he loves him so much that it hurts.

Mikey is so sad. His entire character, all his deaths, everything is so tragic(he's my roman empire).

In chapter 3 I wrote: "Had his younger brother not been a depressed little shit right now, Izana would have gotten Ran to gift her to Manjiro. Even if he did now, Izana doubts Manjiro would even do anything. He heard that depression affects the libido. Even before he was admitted into this shitty psychiatric hospital, no matter how many hostess bars he took Manjiro too, how many hookers he called over, how many strip clubs— Manjiro was just bored. For a while, he thought the guy was probably a nervous virgin who only knew how to fight but after a drunken conversation with Sanzu Haruchiyo, Manjiro's childhood friend, he finds out that was in fact not the case. Manjiro was pretty popular with the girls when they were in middle school(due to his shoulder-length blonde hair and girls having a huge thing for pretty boys with deep voices). Manjiro was 100%, not a virgin and just depressed as hell."

That is all written from Izana's point of view which is partially true. Mikey's struggle with depression and loneliness is a central theme that underscores his character arc in the story. While Izana perceives Mikey's lack of interest in casual encounters as a symptom of depression affecting his libido, the reality is more subtle. Mikey's aversion to hookup culture stems not from a lack of desire, but rather from a deeper sense of disillusionment and disconnection from the superficiality of flings and hookups.

Despite his past popularity with girls during middle and high school, Mikey's experiences have left him jaded and yearning for something more meaningful and substantial. His longing for genuine connection in a world consumed by fleeting pleasures and superficial interactions is palpable, casting him as a tragic figure amidst the chaotic backdrop of the Manila Future Timeline.

Mikey's aversion to seeking solace in prostitutes reflects a deeper emotional turmoil rooted in his fear of abandonment and loneliness. As he grapples with the harsh reality of losing those closest to him, Mikey's reluctance to sleep with prostitutes highlights his longing for genuine connection and companionship. The idea of paying for sex serves as a stark reminder of the temporary nature of human relationships, fueling Mikey's growing disillusionment with the superficiality of social interactions. With each passing encounter, he is confronted with the unsettling truth that people may only be with him out of obligation or financial gain, rather than genuine affection.

As Mikey confronts the emptiness of his existence, he recoils from the notion of commodifying human connection, yearning instead for authentic relationships built on trust and mutual respect.

While Izana may exhibit a more manipulative and coercive approach towards Maya, Mikey's actions suggest a more nuanced understanding of consent and autonomy. Despite his own struggles and vulnerabilities, Mikey recognizes the importance of mutual desire and attraction in any intimate relationship. By waiting for Maya to be sober, he seeks to ensure that their interaction is based on genuine desire and consent, rather than coercion or manipulation.

(Mikey wanted Maya to want him back)

However, Mikey's narcissistic tendencies also play a role in his decision-making. His desire for validation and affirmation may influence his interactions with Maya, as he seeks not only physical intimacy but also emotional connection and validation from her. Despite his apparent consideration for Maya's agency, Mikey's actions are still driven by his own needs and desires, highlighting the complex interplay of power dynamics and emotions within their relationship, for example, the utter horror that was chapter 11.

Yes, Mikey had been lying to her this entire time but to him, he was doing the right thing. Naoto, in the manga/anime, calls this timeline the worst of all and that includes for Mikey. Mikey's actions towards Maya are a manifestation of his deep-seated loneliness and longing for connection. Despite his facade of stoicism and authority as the leader of Tokyo Manji Gang, Mikey is profoundly affected by the absence of his loved ones and the emotional manipulation he endures from Izana. Maya represents a glimmer of hope in an otherwise bleak existence, offering Mikey a semblance of his old life and the possibility of genuine connection and affection.

However, Mikey's actions are also tinged with desperation and a warped sense of morality. He gave her drugs during those two weeks Maya can't remember, he lied to her about trying to convince Izana to let her go but that was because he loved her, right?

Mikey's love for Maya is genuine, albeit tainted by his own insecurities and the toxic environment in which he resides. He clings to her as a source of solace and validation, willing to do whatever it takes to keep her by his side, even if it means sacrificing his own moral integrity. In the twisted logic of his world, Mikey believes that his lies and manipulations are justified by his love for Maya, blurring the lines between affection and control.

Mikey's perception of Maya through the lens of Takemichi's resemblance reflects his longing for familiarity and the comfort of the past. Despite their physical differences and distinct personalities, Mikey finds echoes of Takemichi in Maya, particularly in her blue eyes, curly black hair, and their shared trait of perseverance despite adversity. These similarities serve as a poignant reminder of happier times, evoking memories of camaraderie and friendship that Mikey cherishes dearly.

While Mikey recognizes that Maya and Takemichi are not carbon copies of each other, he subconsciously gravitates towards Maya due to these shared attributes, seeking solace in her presence as a connection to his past. Maya's resemblance to Takemichi symbolizes hope and renewal for Mikey, offering him a glimpse of the companionship and loyalty he once shared with his childhood friend.

In Mikey's eyes, Maya embodies the resilience and determination that he admires in Takemichi, despite their individual differences. He sees in her a kindred spirit, someone who, like Takemichi, refuses to back down in the face of adversity, inspiring Mikey to confront his own challenges with renewed courage and determination. As a result, Mikey's bond with Maya transcends mere physical resemblance, evolving into a deeper connection rooted in shared experiences and mutual understanding.

Mikey is possessive. We've seen that from season 3 in the flashback Inupi has where Mikey literally says "Takemichi is mine, I found him first"(which is crazy btw but same mikey, I be doing that shit too). Mikey is canonically possessive of his friends and those he holds dear. This possessive attitude reflects Mikey's intense attachment to his friends and his reluctance to share their loyalty and affection with others. Similarly, in his dynamic with Maya, Mikey's possessiveness emerges as a means of asserting control and dominance, marking her as his own in a world where he feels increasingly isolated and vulnerable.

Despite its potentially suffocating nature, Mikey's possessiveness towards Maya is also a testament to the depth of his feelings for her. It reflects his commitment to safeguarding her well-being and ensuring her safety in a world fraught with danger and uncertainty(which has technically been forced on them by Izana). However, this possessiveness can also veer into darker territory, blurring the lines between protection and control, and posing challenges to their evolving relationship dynamics.

Mikey's awareness of Izana's mistreatment towards him and Maya fuels a sense of protectiveness and responsibility towards her. Despite his own struggles and conflicts with Izana, Mikey is acutely attuned to Maya's well-being, recognizing the parallels between her treatment and his own experiences. This shared adversity deepens Mikey's connection to Maya, fostering a sense of empathy and understanding between them.

Moreover, Mikey's own history of enduring mistreatment from Izana gives him insight into the psychological toll of such abuse.

But like I said before, Mikey is lonely and sad as fucking hell right now. Maya is there with him and having empathy is not enough to make him want to convince Izana to let her go. To him, there is finally someone there that understands him.

Despite his stoic facade and seemingly unshakeable demeanour, Mikey is profoundly affected by the loss of his loved ones and the emotional manipulation he endures from Izana. Maya emerges as a beacon of hope amidst the darkness, offering Mikey a semblance of his old life and the possibility of genuine connection and affection—

—and why he's a lying bitch.

KANEKO MAYA࿐ྂ

Now the unfortunate star of the show, Maya, I feel so bad for this girl lol. Every time I write a chapter I'm like "yeesh, get this girl a gun" then proceed to traumatize the shit out of her and not give her a gun.

Dead Girl's Beach is my first ever Dark Content fic and I think I've done a pretty good job now that we're at the end. Creating an oc was a little hard though.

I did NOT want to make her like Harley Quin but I also didn't want to make her the type of girl to bite her tongue and fuckin die right away or make her someone that makes you wonder "how tf is this bitch still alive?!"(then again I feel that way after watching any Takemichi fight scene so...)

But that is how we ended up with Maya.

Maya(愛彩) Meaning: 愛 meaning love, affection, favourite. / 彩 meaning colouring, paint, makeup

How accurate that is? Idk tbh but Google said so.

Maya is an orphan. Her parents are dead. She had a relatively happy childhood as her parents did love her but they loved each other way more than they loved her.

Maya's character is a poignant reflection of resilience amidst adversity, her journey marred by tragedy and trauma yet illuminated by moments of strength and resilience. As the unfortunate star of the show in Dead Girl's Beach, Maya's experiences serve as a haunting testament to the darker facets of human existence.

From the outset, Maya's narrative is fraught with challenges and obstacles, her path defined by loss and loneliness. As an orphan, Maya grapples with the absence of familial connections, her parents' untimely demise leaving her adrift in a world devoid of love and support. Despite the love she received from her parents during her childhood, Maya's sense of abandonment and isolation permeates her existence, shaping her worldview and emotional landscape.

In crafting Maya's character, the aim was to strike a delicate balance between vulnerability and resilience, ensuring that she remains relatable and authentic amidst the chaos of the Bad Toman/Manila Future Timeline. Basically, I did not want her to be a stupid bitch.

Whenever I write Maya, for some reason I kept imagining Minji from New Jeans. Maybe it's 'cause me and her are the same age but she's pretty and basically what I described Maya as(minus the blue eyes and curly hair obviously but you guys get it)

Maya is that one girl in school who's friends with EVERYONE. She knows everyone, and gets along with everyone and it's okay if one of her friend groups didn't come to school or is busy, she's got another. But the problem with that is that she never formed any proper connections in school which is why Chifuyu and Kazutora are the only people she hangs out with now. That as well as in Chapter 10 I wrote: "Maya sees herself being alone as a child, the isolation from her peers as the whereabouts of her family circulated the town..."

Chapter 10(where Izana is literally assaulting her) offers a poignant glimpse into Maya's childhood, revealing the profound impact of her orphaned status on her social development. As rumours swirl about the whereabouts of her family, Maya finds herself ostracized and isolated from her peers, the weight of her loneliness bearing down on her young shoulders. In the absence of familial support and guidance, Maya is left to navigate the complexities of adolescence alone, her isolation becoming a defining feature of her identity.

The portrayal of orphans in jdramas may indeed be colored by stereotypes and misconceptions, yet Maya's experience resonates with a universal truth: the profound impact of loss and abandonment on one's sense of belonging and identity. Despite her outward charm and sociability, Maya remains haunted by the specter of her past, her orphaned status casting a shadow over her present reality.

In Chifuyu and Kazutora, Maya finds solace amidst the chaos of her existence, their shared experiences forging a bond that transcends superficiality. Unlike her fleeting connections with classmates, Maya's friendship with Chifuyu and Kazutora runs deep, rooted in mutual understanding and acceptance. Together, they navigate the complexities of their shared pasts, finding strength and solace in each other's company.

Although Chifuyu and Kazutora did not tell her about their past of being a part of Tokyo Manji Gang in their past, you best believe Maya will forgive them in an instant. She loves them like family.

In Kazutora, Maya finds a surrogate older brother, a source of guidance and protection in a world fraught with danger and uncertainty. Despite the darkness of his past, Kazutora's presence offers Maya a sense of stability and security, his protective instincts mirroring her own desire for familial connection and belonging. Their bond transcends traditional notions of friendship, evolving into a familial relationship built on trust and mutual respect.

Maya never wanted to confess to Chifuyu, nor did she have any intentions of pursing/courting him in the first place. She was perfectly fine with pining from afar. Maya's decision not to confess her feelings to Chifuyu reflects her selfless nature and deep-seated humility. Despite her affection for him, Maya prioritizes their friendship above her own desires, content to cherish their bond from afar rather than risk jeopardizing their relationship. Her willingness to pine silently for Chifuyu underscores her maturity and emotional intelligence, demonstrating her capacity for self-sacrifice and unconditional love.

In Maya's eyes, the depth of her feelings for Chifuyu transcends romantic attraction, encompassing a profound sense of admiration and respect. She treasures their friendship above all else, finding solace and fulfillment in their shared moments of laughter and camaraderie. While others may perceive Maya's unrequited affection as a form of unfulfilled longing, she finds contentment and joy in the simple act of being by Chifuyu's side.

Maya's drunken decision to sleep with Chifuyu weighs heavily on her conscience, haunting her with feelings of regret and self-doubt. What began as a moment of vulnerability and emotional intimacy soon morphed into a source of inner turmoil and conflict for Maya. In the aftermath of their encounter, she finds herself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, torn between her desire for closeness and her fear of damaging their friendship.

Moving on, Maya is both terrified and fascinated by Izana. Girl has "I can fix him syndrome" but refuses to acknowledge it. Maya's complex feelings towards Izana embody a paradoxical blend of fear and fascination, characterized by a profound sense of unease coupled with an inexplicable allure. Despite recognizing the danger inherent in Izana's manipulative and controlling behaviour, Maya finds herself drawn to him, captivated by his enigmatic presence and magnetic charisma.

Attracted by the veneer of sophistication and power that Izana exudes, Maya is initially intrigued by the aura of mystery that surrounds him. His commanding presence and confident demeanour command her attention, sparking a morbid curiosity that compels her to explore the depths of his psyche, even at her own peril.

However, beneath the surface allure lies a darker truth that Maya cannot ignore. Izana's manipulative tendencies and propensity for emotional abuse cast a shadow over their interactions, leaving Maya feeling both exhilarated and apprehensive in his presence. Despite her better judgment, she finds herself entangled in his web of deceit and manipulation, unable to extricate herself from his grasp.

If you guys read the notes in the beginning of each chapter, they are all taken within the month Maya is taking care of Izana before the beginning of the fic. She knows something is wrong. Izana gives her the uncanny valley effect. She well knows this guy is messed up but isn't sure what. He's good looking that's for sure, but there was just never something right about him.

Moreover, Maya's growing awareness of Izana's true nature is compounded by her own experiences and instincts, which warn her of the dangers inherent in their relationship. Despite the allure of his charm and the allure of his power, Maya remains wary of the hidden depths that lie beneath the surface, recognizing the potential for harm that lurks beneath his facade of charm and sophistication.

Maya's inability to emotionally detach herself from Izana while doing her job as a psychiatrist is what really led to her downfall and the shitty situation she was currently in. Had she not been so keen on keeping his privacy and had straight out asked him why he was at the psychiatric hospital in the first place, the outcome of this fic would have been very different. By prioritizing Izana's privacy over her own safety and well-being, Maya inadvertently sacrifices her own agency and autonomy, falling victim to the very manipulation and coercion she sought to prevent.

Moving on to Mikey, Maya liked him a lot(at least that was until she found out he was lying to her). Maya thought Mikey was amazing and everything she wanted in a lover.

Maya's initial impression of Mikey is coloured by a mixture of admiration and intrigue(then again, girlie was just waterboarded and brought back to life by Kakucho). From the moment they first interact, she is drawn to his enigmatic presence and magnetic charisma, finding herself captivated by his commanding yet vulnerable demeanour. Mikey's reputation precedes him, and Maya is quick to recognize his status as a formidable leader within the Tokyo Manji Gang, a figure both feared and respected by those around him.

As Maya gets to know Mikey on a more personal level, she discovers layers beneath his stoic facade, glimpsing moments of vulnerability and tenderness that belie his tough exterior. Despite his reputation as a ruthless and uncompromising leader, Mikey reveals himself to be surprisingly complex and multifaceted, harbouring a depth of emotion and sincerity that Maya finds both surprising and endearing.

Maya love(s)(ed) being around Mikey. He's sweet and gives her the affection she wants. He knows exactly what to do and what she wants which is Maya melts so fast for him. Maya finds herself irresistibly drawn to Mikey's presence, drawn to his warmth and attentiveness like a moth to a flame. In Mikey, she discovers a source of comfort and security, a sanctuary amidst the chaos and uncertainty of her surroundings. His sweet demeanour and genuine affection make her feel cherished and valued, igniting a spark of joy and happiness within her heart.

Mikey's intuitive understanding of Maya's needs and desires leaves her feeling understood and appreciated in a way she has never experienced before. He possesses an innate ability to anticipate her thoughts and feelings, effortlessly fulfilling her deepest yearnings with a simple gesture or word. Maya is enchanted by Mikey's ability to effortlessly navigate the complexities of their relationship, finding solace in his unwavering presence by her side.

Their moments together are filled with tenderness and affection, each interaction leaving Maya longing for more. In Mikey's arms, she finds solace from the turmoil of her own thoughts, basking in the warmth of his embrace as if nothing else in the world matters. His gentle touch and reassuring words offer her a sense of security and belonging.

Of course, he lied to her but we all already know how she feels about that and how things ended with that(i.e chapter 11).

I often bring up dog analogies when talking about Maya and that is all thanks to this bitch.

Maya's description as a "stray dog" or a "mutt begging for love like it's food" speaks volumes about her character and her emotional state. Like a stray dog, Maya wanders through life, yearning for affection and acceptance, yet always feeling on the outskirts of belonging. She craves love and connection with a hunger that mirrors the desperation of a hungry animal searching for sustenance.

Despite her best efforts to maintain a facade of strength and resilience, Maya's inner vulnerability shines through, revealing a deep-seated need for love and companionship. Like a stray dog, she eagerly seeks out scraps of affection and validation, hoping to fill the emptiness in her heart with the warmth of human connection.

Maya's comparison to a mutt reflects her multifaceted identity and complex background. Just like a mixed-breed dog, she carries within her a blend of different experiences, emotions, and influences. Her upbringing as an orphan has shaped her into a resilient survivor, adaptable to any situation yet longing for stability and belonging.

I went to India once again after 3 years in December 2023 and there is this stray dog I fed outside my dad's childhood the last time I went and I heard from my cousins that the dog usually barks at anyone that comes into the street. I went after 3 years and the dog literally remembered me, following me around when I'd leave the house just to go down the street. Dogs are loyal and have boundless love and I think it's so sad which resulted in all the dog analogies, not just because of the shitty thing my crush said to me.

In essence, Maya's comparison to a stray dog not only reflects her complex character and background but also serves as a testament to the universal human longing for love, acceptance, and belonging, regardless of one's circumstances.

Loving like a dog is a tragic thing and Maya's character is no less than tragic.

GENERAL HEADCANONS࿐ྂ

Mikey is the one who convinced Izana to go to rehab

Kakucho had no idea Izana was using drugs until the withdrawals started

EVERYONE knew Maya had a crush on Chifuyu, he was just too fuckin' dense

Maya forgot how her parents look and doesn't want to remember either

Izana does not see Maya as Emma or Karen, he's just making up a bullshit reason to be mean to her

Kakucho is very much attracted to Maya but doesn't say anything about it

Naoto fell in love with her at first sight

Had this shit not happened, Maya and Naoto would have started dating eventually

Izana's first thought seeing Maya was "she'd look hot on her knees"

Mikey's first thought seeing Maya "she looks like babie 🥺" (will be explained better in the next chapter lol)

Maya started dissociating as a way to cope and feel better(which mainly happens after either brother takes advantage of her)

Kakucho often catches Maya staring off into the distance, lost in her thoughts, and quietly brings her back to the present by touching her or a question.

Maya's first love is Chifuyu

After Chifuyu found out he took Maya's virginity he felt like an actual fuckin asshole because he knew he could have let her down a lot easier

Mikey thinks Shinichiro and Maya would have gotten along really well(the in the spin-off they do)

Shinichiro, in the second bonus chapter, practically adopts her

Maya's dream was to become an actor or singer or maybe both but she scratched her dream after hearing how Chifuyu decided to own a pet shop rather than a pilot to fulfill Baji's Dream and she did the same to honour her mother's memory

Kakucho once tried replacing the drugs Izana gave to Maya with vitamins but Izana found out and beat him :(

Maya's necklaces will make a comeback btw, I did not forget about them

Maya has a collection of old vinyl records that once belonged to her parents. She finds solace in listening to their favorite songs, feeling a connection to them through the music but sometimes she can't even look at them

Maya doesn't know Izana and Mikey aren't blood-related(she just thinks they're step-siblings)

Izana and Mikey's favourite time with Maya is in those 2 weeks she doesn't remember

Izana kind of felt bad about the burns(from chapter 9 and 10) and didn't mean for it to happen but he also has too much ego to apologize

Just like in the fandom, Ran is often mischaracterized by his fellow gang members and actually does not want to be in charge of the whole prostitution part of the business but Izana asked him to so he'd does it anyway

Mikey loves Maya so much he can't do anything with himself

In the bonus chapter(sugar bunny), Izana and Maya have a sugar daddy-sugar baby dynamic

If Maya met Izana instead of Chifuyu at the park in middle school, she would have been in the same situation as Kakucho

Despite the underlying tension, there are fleeting moments of harmony between Mikey, Maya, and Izana, where their guard momentarily drops and they allow themselves to relax in each other's company(lolll not that Maya remembers any of this)

Betrayal is a recurring theme in their relationship, with each member of the trio betraying the others at various points in the story.

The main song for the last chapter is Can't Catch me Now by Olivia Rodrigo and the ending of this fic is heavily influenced by The Hunger Games: The Ballad of The Songbird and Snakes

Izana is inspired by Snow

Mikey is inspired by Lucy Grey

Maya is inspired by Sejanus and Katniss(and Lucy Grey)

Kakucho is inspired by Tigress

If you have watched that movie, then you know exactly how this fic is about to end

taglist: @highpri3stess @maraya-007 @firstdivisiongirl @dolfiins-art @short-cxke @mysouleaten @reiners-milkbiddies @tenjikusstuff4

#DEAD GIRL'S BEACH

25 notes · View notes

boydepartment · 8 months

Text

MY ONLY LOVE- Jake Sim x Reader: Ch. 5

description- y/n is an upcoming soloist in belift, she was previously in a disbanded group and the company decided to give her a chance. one day she runs into ex-boyfriend, jake sim, in the canteen. it was awkward and embarrassing and for weeks she tries to avoid him. you can’t avoid people forever though, especially when the company who gave her a chance tells her she has to fake date her ex boyfriend publicly.

genre- exes to lovers, fake dating, idol AU, romcom.

includes- enhypen, y/n (obviously), bahiyyih (kep1er), hikaru (kep1er), new jeans, different idol cameos (i.e probably mark lee, bangchan, etc)

WRITTEN CHAPTER- wc: 1.5k

warnings- the reader gets creeped on (nothing written it is just mentioned)

“FOLLOW UP MEETING!”

You sat there unaware of the events happening backstage. Meeting your fans was truly a blissful experience if there were more women in your crowd. You tried not to tense up anytime a man went to grab your hand or hand you a present. The only fansign you had previous to this was with your group, and safe to say, the fanbase was primarily women. This was a whole different field for you, your brain kept telling you not to be rude and just try your best to look happy with the compliments you were getting. All their eyes on you stressed you out. Around the end of the fansign your face hurt from trying to keep up your composure.

When you finally got backstage after waving to everyone you took a deep breath. You hated this. You hated the gross comments and perverted smiles the male fans gave you. You were thankful for the other people in the crowd who treated you like a human being, but it wasn’t a lot.

“Y/n!” You looked up and saw Bahiyyih running towards you. Soul not near her.

“What’s going on?” Your jaw slacked as she dragged you to another part of the building. Your confused eyes bouncing around the different area’s corridors. You swore you locked eyes with someone familiar.

Bahiyyih sat you down and started ranting and raving about Soul doing something. You just sat there, eyes welding up with tears. You finally got your solo career and yet, why does it feel this bad. Did your hard work really mean nothing? All your trials and tribulations led up to just being outright disrespected by people who were supposed to be your-

“Soul literally-“

“I am not Soul!” The voice said, your eyes looked up and locked with a very tall guy, his roots blond and the tips almost a black. You recognized him. He was from Enhypen, which meant-

“Y/n are you alright?” The guy knelt in front of you, Bahiyyih went to push him away from you but stopped when a couple tears fell from your eyes.

You blinked them back and looked down at your hand which was now automatically wiping your face, “I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Just then two more bodies came into the room…

Soul and Jake…

“Y/n!” Soul rushed over to you. Jake not far behind him.

“Did someone say something to you?” Bahiyyih asked, sitting down next to you. Riki pulled Jake and Soul to the side, telling them to give you space.

You swallowed hard and looked down, “I-“

Before you could speak your manager ran into the room, “what happened?”

“I was disrespected the whole time…” You blinked as if you couldn’t believe what the past tortious two hours involved, “there were barely any respectful male fans and I just had to sit there…” Your manager nodded, listening and kneeling in front of you. He held your hand and tried to calm you down.

“I will talk to people about this alright? We will figure it out…”

You stared down at your hands, your manager got up and said something to your friends and part of-

“Wait.” You looked up and really looked at Jake and Riki, “what are you two doing here?”

Your manager looked at you, “you know them?”

Soul chuckled lightly and Bahiyyih glared at him.

“You can say that, yeah. I’ve known that one a little longer than anyone here.” Your hand rose lightly to point at Jake in the softest way possible. You were always taught that pointing was rude. Jake looked at you silently, the only thing showing emotion was the fact he was blinking rapidly. Maybe you were just emotional at the moment, but it was comforting in a sense that he still had that habit. Your manager nodded before rushing out. Presumably to get a car ready for you to leave.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked and took a tissue from Bahiyyih.

“Soul invited us!” Riki said and put his arm around your friend. Soul only glared at him in an accusatory manner.

Jake was still looking at you, it was like he had something to say but didn’t know how to word it. For both of you, a million things could be said. But before either of you could say anything, you were swept away by staff as Jake just sat there looking at you.

___

Right when you got back to the BeLift building, immediately you were called into a meeting. This scared you immensely. You just got this job, then had a mental breakdown after a fanmeet, everything about this was a recipe for disaster. You sat in the chair, waiting for your boss to talk to you. Your manager sat next to you and tried to keep calm as well. If you were out of a job, he was out of someone to manage. The room was tense, almost like they were cutting off the oxygen supply slowly and steadily.

When your boss sat down in front of you, he had a smile.

“It’s nice to see you again..!”

You forced a smile back, “very nice to see you too!”

He nodded and set down a folder in front of him, “I am going to cut right to the chase, if that is okay with you? I am busy and so are you.”

“Are you firing me?” You cringed at the thought, your manager tensing up too.

Your boss let out a small laugh, “nonono!” He sat up and looked at you, “I have a deal for you.” He stood up now and pulled up his laptop on the medium sized TV on the other side of the room.

“You see, we could kill two birds with one stone here! You have male fans that make you uncomfortable, no?”

You blinked slowly, “I-I do…”

“And our company has an issue with fans in general!” He pulled up a slide that showed various graphs and photos of tweets, trucks, statements, and more that you didn’t really have time to comprehend, “our idea is simple, you show that you have a public relationship with another idol in this section of the company and 1. Your male fans should lay off you, 2. The fans in general should start to lay off the fact their idols talk to other people.”

Your manager sat up, “so you want Y/n to fake date a random guy she doesn’t even know? You are putting her in a position where she is forced to be around a man she isn’t close with even when she had to sit through-“

“Ah no! You see, when you told us Y/n had friends to talk to after the fanmeet we found the perfect other candidate!” Your boss walked through the door and opened it, practically ushering someone in. You felt your heart stop when you saw it was Jake.

You had to fake date your ex-boyfriend.

“Jake?” You looked at him, he looked at you, almost frozen in place. You assumed they had already told him in a separate meeting. He was stiff when your boss sat him down next to you.

“The plan is, for you guys to go on little dates for a few months, we will let disbatch collect photos well as, sneaking them an insider tip to let them reveal your relationship by New Years.”

Your manager didn’t look too happy, “it’s September. You want them to fake date well into next year? This is immensely messed up, not just for them but also to their fans. This could be a disaster.”

“And if it isn’t a disaster, our boy groups won’t have to worry about not conversing with someone the opposite sex, and Y/n won’t have to deal with as many creepy male fans.” Your boss seemed sure of himself.

“I’ll do it.”

You looked over to Jake who had seemingly relaxed, his eyes focused on the PowerPoint, which now displayed photos of the protest trucks, and now things that were said about you from after the fanmeet. You didn’t want to read them, so you looked down.

“Y/n?” Your boss called up to you, you looked up and saw he was ushering a pen and paper, another contract. You read it over carefully, making sure it was everything he just went over. At the bottom of the page, you saw Jake had already signed it. When you looked over to him, he was looking at you, almost like the same way he did back when you were 16.

You grabbed the pen and signed it. If this is what protected you, and hopefully other people, then you might as well. How bad could this really be?

___

MASTERLIST

taglist- open

@bloofairyfox @enluv @kaykay11sworld @tumblemumblr @haisuken @bluxjun @breadlover01 @ghostiiess @filmofhybe @yourmomscuntis2tighy @beomgyusonlywife @enhaz1 @surefornext <3

comment, dm, or send an ask to be added <3

if i ever forget to add you to the taglist please remind me! i get a lot of notifs everyday and sometimes i miss one or two

a/n: i think i maybe made this chapter a little too intense for a romcom :( i really blame the minecraft music in the background! i couldn't help it! anyways, i really embarrassed myself in my online bio class so that's nice :( i also have a quiz tomorrow AND LITERALLY AN EXAM ON MONDAY! I FEEL SICK! i also have a doctors appointment tomorrow and i am really nervous. its for something that has been bothering me for the past couple years and i am just now getting looked at. so i am very scared, i will be okay though :0 i am posting this chapter the tomorrow morning so in the future lol. i hope tomorrow morning jayjay is feeling okay! anyways, remember to eat well today, i have been lacking in that department and need to get better at it.

60 notes · View notes