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sleepysnk · 3 years

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i decided to make a sequel to Ditched! this part is actually based of an event that happened to me in real life! i tried my best to put my personal experience into words, i hope you all enjoy the sequel! :)

I Waited For You

Pairings: Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Slight angst

Ditched

Ever since Eren and (Y/N) met each other that night they have been inseparable.

The two talked every night ever since that day, they spent hours on facetime talking or laughing about their days, or meeting up for some coffee or just going for a nice drive. They always found time to speak to one another.

Eren helped (Y/N) with her ex, he listened to the stories she had about how badly he treated her and gave her ways to distract herself from the bad thoughts. He understood how badly she took the breakup, especially since she got cheated on. He also helped her get through to her friends, something she couldn't necessarily do before. She ended up dropping those so called "friends" and found a better crowd. All thanks to Eren.

(Y/N) listened to Eren as well, she spent many nights listening to his stories about the girls he spoke to, or the famous on and off girlfriend he had for awhile. She helped him bring out a better side of himself, she assured him that people come and go, but to never loose hope.

Here they were, two weeks into talking. Eren liked her, he knew it wasn't a good idea to like her so quickly, but he couldn't resist. (Y/N) was beautiful, smart, kind, sweet, adventurous. It was everything he wanted in a girl. Not to mention how they clicked so fast on a lot of things.

(Y/N) on the other hand, wasn't sure if she even wanted to date Eren.

She wasn't exactly healed from all of it, she still had some nights where she would cry into her pillow thinking about how much her ex hurt her. She still was dealing with it emotionally, and that was the hardest part of it all. (Y/N) liked Eren, but she wasn't sure if her own feelings were 100%. She didn't want to start a new relationship if she wasn't totally healed from her past, she knew it wouldn't work well.

She wanted to communicate it with him as well as she could, because she didn't want it to seem like she was leading him on or playing with his feelings. That's the opposite of what she wanted.

Here she was in a coffee shop, it was their favorite. Eren actually took her there the second time they hung out, and she enjoyed it a lot.

(Y/N) planned to tell him what was going on. She had support from her friend Historia, she told (Y/N) that it was the best option. If she were to lie it wouldn't end well for her nor Eren, she assured her that he should understand where she was coming from.

(Y/N)'s hands were around the warm cup of coffee. She shook her leg nervously.

Her eyes looked up to see Eren entering the coffee shop, he smiled as he made his way over. She couldn't help but admire the way he looked, his hair was tied into a bun, he wore a black sweater with some black sweats. He looked bummy but so good.

"Hey! It's good to see you," Eren said, taking the seat in front of her.

(Y/N) smiled, looking down her hands. "It's good to see you too," she replied. "How are you?" she asked, nodding her head.

Eren sighed. "Eh.. I'm doing good, I had some really hard exams last week but that's about it. How about you?" he replied, looking at her.

She shrugged her shoulders, looking at his green eyes. "I'm okay I guess," she said, running her nail down her coffee cup.

"You told me you wanted to talk about something? I actually wanted to talk about something as well," he said, smiling a bit.

Her heart skipped a beat seeing his smile. "Um yeah! I wanted to talk to you about something important, if you don't mind." she said, shifting around in her seat.

Eren shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweater. "I'm all ears," he said, leaning back in the chair.

A nervous sigh came out of her as she looked up at Eren, her expression serious. "Look Eren.. these past two weeks have been great! You've helped me a ton with my issues and I'm really glad to have met you," she said, smiling a bit.

"Yeah I agree too! I'm glad we met," Eren replied, nodding his head.

"But... Eren the thing is, I don't think we should become serious right now. I care about you a ton but I'm not ready for anything at the moment, I'm still healing from my ex and I don't want to hop into anything without being 100%" she explained, looking down.

It was silent between them.

Eren sat up, a sigh came from his throat. "Um.. yeah, I understand. Thanks for being honest.." he said, standing up.

She furrowed her brows. "Where are you going?" she asked.

He looked down at her, she could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I gotta go. I'm meeting with Armin, but um.. it was nice talking to you," he said, giving a small smile. "I hope you can get better and fix yourself," he added, patting her shoulder.

(Y/N) nodded as she watched him walk out of the coffee shop. She could tell that he was upset, but he took it better than she expected. She felt the sting of her heart when she saw his eyes and how disappointed he seemed, but there wasn't much she could do. She needed to work on herself before anything.

She watched Eren drive off for the final time.

Almost a month had went by since (Y/N) last talked to Eren that day at the coffee shop. She hadn't really spoken to him much since whenever they did talk, it would be short and not much conversation would even happen between the two.

Things weren't good on both sides.

(Y/N) was feeling a bit better about her ex, she did a lot of self care to fix herself and even vented to Historia and her girlfriend Ymir about the whole situation. It helped a ton and they gave her some advice on how to fully let go of the situation. They told her being on her own and surrounded by people who care was the best way to find peace.

She also explained her situation with Eren, of course they agreed that she did the right thing. Dating Eren while still processing a bad breakup would have been hell and it wouldn't be healthy. Historia told her that she should get out there when she felt ready.

She felt like she was in a better spot than she was a month ago, but she couldn't shake the thoughts about Eren.

Truth is, she missed him so much.

She missed everything about the boy. From his random facetime calls, to his jokes, the way he smelled, everything. She missed Eren a lot, but she couldn't ever find herself just hitting him up out of the blue. She didn't want to come off as the girl who comes back when she's finally okay, she felt like Eren wouldn't like that. Plus what if he moved on? What if he found somebody else?

Eren on the other hand wasn't doing well. He missed (Y/N) even more than she missed him. He'd occasionally check his phone seeing if she messaged him or he'd contemplate picking up the phone and calling her. He'd never actually end up doing it.

His feelings for her didn't change. He liked her still and even if he tried to find someone else, they wouldn't be the same.

The day he left the coffee shop was hard. He ended up sulking in his room all day, a few tears escaped his cheeks feeling the frustration from it all. He wished that her ex didn't fuck her up. She deserved so much better than that.

Eren wondered sometimes how she was doing, was she doing better? Did her ex come back? So many questions yet very little answers. He cut some contact because he didn't want his hopes to get too high, he didn't want to go through it again just for it to fail.

In a way, he felt like he was waiting for her. Waiting for that text message or phone call, he just wanted to hear her voice again, see her smile, anything.

"(Y/N)! Where are you!?" Historia yelled, opening the door to her apartment.

(Y/N) opened her bedroom door, seeing her friend standing there in her kitchen. "Historia? What are you doing here? It's kind of late," she asked, walking towards the blonde girl.

She nodded. "You didn't get my text? Ugh stupid phone. Anyway, do you want to come to a party? Ymir thought I should ask you," she said, looking down at her phone.

A party? Last time she went to a party was when she met.. nevermind.

"I don't know Hisu.. I feel like I'm too boring for that," she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Historia looked up surprised. "Huh? (Y/N) you're not boring! You're a lot of fun. Come on! You're always at home, you need some fun." she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Let loose! Get some drinks in your system," she added.

(Y/N) leaned against the counter. "I don't even have much time anyway. It probably starts in an hour," she said.

"It starts at nine! Come on, I bet we can find something for you to wear. I won't ditch you either like those asshole friends you had before," she said, taking her hand and guiding her towards her room.

(Y/N) plopped down on her bed as she watched Historia open her closet. "Cute skirt! We just need a top," she said, tossing the white skirt onto her bed.

"I just wanna watch All American tonight," she groaned, laying down on her bed.

Historia looked back at her. "Why watch football guys when you can find one for yourself?" she asked, giggling a bit. "Here! This is a cute top," she added, showing her the light blue body suit.

(Y/N) sat up, scratching the back of her head. "Ugh, fine." she said, coming to grab the outfit. "I hope this party is actually fun," she mumbled, heading towards the bathroom.

She threw on the outfit, eyeing herself in the mirror. It had been a long time since she's gone out, she hoped it would be a decent night.

She opened the bathroom door. "What do you think?" (Y/N) asked, looking at Historia who was sitting on her bed.

"I love it! You look so good! Let's get going!" she yelled excitedly.

She put on her shoes and exited her apartment with Historia. Nervousness bubbled in her stomach as she got into the car, she hoped the party would be fine.

Arriving to the party, (Y/N) felt her nerves rising. She didn't know who the person was hosting the party, Historia said it was come guy named Jean who was hosting it. She didn't know a Jean, so she assumed it was one of Historia's friends from college.

Stepping inside the house she was smacked in the face with the smell of alcohol and marijuana, her nose scrunched as the odor filled her nose. People danced to the loud music or sat on the couches sipping drinks or kissed with each other.

"Come on!" Historia yelled, guiding (Y/N) through the crowds of people.

She looked around the kitchen as Historia ran towards Ymir. "You guys finally made it," Ymir said, hugging Historia tightly.

"Yeah.. sorry! I had to get (Y/N) ready," Historia said, looking over at her.

She stood awkwardly as she didn't know anybody at the party. "Here, I got you this. You seem a little nervous," Ymir said, handing her a red solo cup with red liquid in it.

(Y/N) looked down at the cup. "Are you sure?" she asked, looking at her friend with concern.

She scoffed. "(Y/N) just let loose, me and Historia are here if you get shit faced. Have some fun," she said, patting her shoulder.

She nodded, taking a sip of the drink. Her face twisted as the alcohol filled her mouth, burning as it went down her throat. It was strong, it tasted fruity. Jungle juice wasn't her favorite, but it'll do than having shitty shots and having a bad hangover.

(Y/N) leaned against the counter as a few people came over to talk to Historia and Ymir, her mind was too clouded with thoughts of boredom to even pay attention to what they were saying.

"(Y/N)!" her thoughts were broken by Ymir snapping her fingers in her face.

She shook her head. "Sorry! I zoned out.. what's up?" she asked, blinking a bit.

Ymir chuckled a bit. "I gotta go with Historia to the bathroom. You can come with if you'd like," she said.

She nodded. "I'm fine, I'll just wait here." she replied, swirling her drink around.

"Alright! We'll be back," Historia said, waving a bit as she walked away with Ymir.

(Y/N) sat on the counter staring into space, her mind kept wandering to that night she got ditched and met Eren. She would do anything to relive that night again, the way he looked, to the way his hair blew around his face when the windows were rolled down. She wanted to see him again.

Her eyes averted upwards, looking around at the different people who were dancing or messing around.

That's when her eyes landed on the figure leaning against the wall.

Brown hair in a manbun, sweats, a hoodie, and a drink in his hand.

It was Eren.

It was almost like her breath got caught in her throat, she felt her heart beginning to race and her palms began to get sweaty. What was the coincidence he was here at the same party as her? Should she approach him? What if he doesn't want to see her?

That's when his eyes landed on her. His brows raised, he leaned up off the wall.

"(Y/N)! We're back! Do you wanna go play some beer pong?" Ymir asked, nodding at her.

She looked towards Ymir and blinked. "Um.. sure! I'll just watch," she replied, hopping off the counter.

She couldn't help but feel Eren's eyes boring into her head. She wanted to talk to him, hear his voice, but something in her made her nervous. She made her way down the stairs as there was a table set with beer pong, a boy with a shaved head was playing with another boy with blonde hair.

"Haha! Get that Reiner! I win!" the shaved head boy yelled, laughing at his friend.

"Oh shut it Connie," the blonde replied, crossing his arms and walking away towards the couch.

(Y/N) felt a lump her throat as she leaned against the wall, Eren was here. He was here and she knew he might try to find her, the room felt stuffy and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Why was she so nervous? Was it the fact that her and Eren ended off awkward terms and seeing him for the first time made her nervous?

"Hey um.. I'm gonna go outside," (Y/N) said, standing up.

Ymir and Historia looked over at her. "Okay! Be careful," Historia replied, smiling at her. "Text me when you wanna come back," she added.

(Y/N) smiled and went up the stairs. She opened the front door and walked outside, she breathed in the cool night air. It felt better than being in the stuffy room. Her nerves were high as the memory of Eren played in her head, what was she going to do? She couldn't exactly avoid him! That would seem wrong considering she didn't want to cut him off.

"Ugh.. what am I going to do?" she asked, staring down at the floor.

"So you came out here too huh?"

Her body froze as she knew who's voice that was. She turned around to see Eren standing against the wall, he held the red solo cup in his hand.

"Eren.." she said, feeling her heart racing.

He smiled a bit. "I never thought I'd ever see you again," he said, stepping a bit closer towards her. "How have you been?" he asked.

(Y/N) fidgeted her fingers a bit. "Um.. I've been okay, what about you?" she replied.

He sighed. "I could be better, dealing with classes has been difficult. I was surprised to see you here, do you know Jean?" he asked, nodding his head.

She laughed a bit. "No I came here with a friend," she replied, looking up at his green eyes.

Eren shook his head, sitting up on the railing in front of the porch. "How has everything been going? It's been awhile since we last talked," he said, swinging his legs a bit.

The way he looked made her cheeks feel hot, she forgot about how cute he was close up.

"Um I've been actually doing better! Historia and Ymir helped me a lot. The process was hard, but I feel better now," she replied, smiling at him.

Eren's heart swelled seeing her smile. "That's great.. I'm happy for you really. You deserve the happiness," he said, putting his solo cup on the railing. "I just want to apologize for not reaching out or speaking to you. Believe me I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if it was fine with you." he added, rubbing the back of his neck.

(Y/N) looked up at him. "Don't apologize, considering the way things ended I kind of expected you to drift a bit." she said, leaning against the wall.

He nodded. "What do you mean? (Y/N) I wasn't mad at you, I just put distance between us because- nevermind. Just know that I don't hate you," he said, smiling a bit. "Your situation was understandable, what was going on was difficult. I see why you did it," he added.

She swallowed thickly as the tension between them began to get thick.

"Oh shit.. did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry I didn't mean to," Eren said, standing up and walking over to her.

She looked up at him. "What? No, Eren don't worry you're fine. It's just... I have something to tell you and I don't know how to say it," she said.

His eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "What is it? You can tell me anything," he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath. "Eren.. I still like you." she said. "I always have and I've missed you so so much," she added, looking down at the ground.

Eren's eyes went wide hearing her words. "You do?" he asked, nodding. "(Y/N)... I missed you too and I still like you. I never got over you," he added, smiling.

Her head shot up hearing his words. "What? Wait.. Eren you don't have to lie or say it out of pity," she said, shaking her head a bit.

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. "(Y/N) I'm not lying to you. I would never lie to someone like you ever, fuck I was so messed up not talking to you everyday. I want to make you my girlfriend and make you forget all that bad shit your ex did to you," he said, cupping her cheek.

She smiled, feeling heat rush onto her cheeks. "That sounds perfect.." she said, staring into his eyes.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Eren pressed his lips onto hers. He put his arms around her, pulling her close. (Y/N) put her arms around his neck, feeling his soft lips on hers.

He pulled away smiling as he kissed her cheek. "I've waited so long to finally kiss you. I waited to finally have this moment," he said, cupping her cheek.

She felt her heart flutter at his words. "You waited all this time for me?" she asked, feeling heat on her cheeks.

He smiled. "I did.. I never gave up," he replied, kissing her cheek again. "What do you say we get out of here and catch up? I missed having you in my car," he asked, nodding.

She giggled. "That sounds great! Let me just text my friends," she said, taking her phone out to message Historia.

Eren fished in his pockets for his keys. She sent the message and took his hand as he lead her to his car, she smiled as she got in, feeling the memories replaying in her head as she adjusted herself in her seat.

"McDonald's?" Eren asked, smirking a bit.

She giggled. "Sounds great," she replied, taking his hand into hers.

#anime #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot imagines #aot fanfiction #snk x y/n #snk x reader #snk imagines #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #anime fanfic #based off true events 😳

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sweatersexual · 3 years

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Now I Want to Hold You Too

Read on AO3

The party welcoming both sets of Pines twins back for the summer had never really ended. Mabel’s friends had slept over that night, and Soos was still playing party music even into the afternoon. Fiddleford had come over for lunch and now he and Ford were discussing new projects, blueprints scattered all over the dining room table.

Becoming a man of means had suited Fiddleford. He now spoke with the confidence Ford remembered from the old days. He stood up straighter, and the healthy weight he’d gained filled his endearingly garish patterned shirt in all the right ways. Yes, Ford was happy he was doing so well, and that their friendship had been rekindled.

But Ford had to admit, feelings of friendship weren’t all that had been rekindled in him, especially when their hands lingered around each other, tracing the blueprints, or when Fiddleford gave him that familiar lopsided grin, or hearing him hum quietly the way he always did while thinking hard. Still, Ford worried it was too soon, or perhaps inappropriate altogether, to make any romantic overtures to Fiddleford. He didn’t even know exactly how much Fiddleford remembered of their romantic history. No, it was better to take their relationship as it currently was, because the fact that Fiddleford was even talking to him again put a spring in Ford’s step.

He and Fiddleford had finished making revisions to one of the cooling systems when a short cough caught their attention. It was only then that they noticed Ford’s thirteen-year-old grandniece standing next to them, her two best friends not far behind her.

“Are you two having fun?” Mabel was grinning widely enough to make Ford a bit wary. Had she planted a glitter bomb again?

“Yes, of course,” he answered. “Fiddleford’s been showing me -”

“Yeah, we know,” called Stan from the kitchen. “You two have been at it for hours. I’m gonna need you to clear the table before dinner’s ready, okay?”

“Sure thing, Stanley,” replied Fiddleford. “We were at a pretty good stopping place, weren’t we, Ford?”

“You two should join our braid train!” said Mabel.

“I appreciate the offer, Mabel,” said Ford, “but I don’t think either of us have hair long enough to braid.”

“Mr. McGucket’s beard is long enough,” Grenda pointed out.

“I bet an extra finger really comes in handy for holding multiple sections of hair,” said Candy.

“It’s definitely been useful for tying complicated knots,” Ford agreed, “but I’m afraid I’ve never tried braiding hair before.”

Mabel gasped. “Really? Okay, now we have to teach you. Are you ready for a new look, Mr. McGucket?”

Fiddleford shrugged. “I guess it can’t hurt none.”

Once the dining table was clear of blueprints and they took their seats in the living room, Ford noticed his heart rate pick up a little. Braiding Fiddleford’s beard was going to include touching his face, and the last time they had been in each other’s personal space like this was many, many years ago, in a . . . different context.

“Let’s start with a simple braid,” said Mabel, running her fingers through Grenda’s hair. “Divide the hair into three even sections, like this.”

Ford let out a deep breath and ran his hands along Fiddleford’s jawline, blushing at the memory of using the same movement to pull him in for a kiss, once upon a time. He was close enough to notice Fiddleford’s cheeks also reddening beneath his facial hair.

“Is this okay?” he asked Fiddleford, just to be sure.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go on and do as she tells you.”

He could feel Fiddleford’s facial muscles moving beneath his hands - but he had to focus! Three sections of hair. He could do that.

Fiddleford’s beard was shorter and much better groomed than it had been last summer. The weird little bandage was gone. Ford hadn’t expected to enjoy the sensation of soft hair through his fingers so much. With Mabel’s simple instructions, the strands were soon woven together into a thick braid.

“That looks great!” she praised him. “You’re picking this up fast! You want to try a French braid?”

“O-okay.”

Candy turned out to be right about his extra fingers coming in handy, though it still took him a few tries to get the hang of it.

“Nice! Keep going, Grunkle Ford! Careful not to drop that strand.”

“Oh. My. Gosh,” said Candy, pulling out her cell phone. “That boy I told you about from regionals just texted me! Do you think I should send him a selfie?”

“Ooh!” squealed Mabel. “We should take your picture outside while the lighting is good.”

Before Ford could say anything, the three girls ran out the door with nothing more than a “keep practicing, Grunkle Ford!” from Mabel. Their giggles slowly faded away.

“She’s a regular ray of sunshine, ain’t she?” said Fiddleford.

“Yes,” agreed Ford. “I’m very lucky to have her and her brother in my life.”

“Me too. You know they helped me start getting my memories back.”

“Yet another thing I’m grateful to them for.” He came to the end of Fiddleford’s beard with a hum.

“I reckon that looks pretty snazzy,” said Fiddleford, checking his reflection in the window, but Ford shook his head.

“Hang on, let me try that again, it got really messy near the end.” He reached for the beard again, more out of a desire not to end this intimate moment with Fiddleford than out of dedication to immaculate braiding.

Fiddleford grinned, a knowing glint in his eye. “Always the perfectionist.”

“Pot. Kettle.”

“Guilty as charged!” With a laugh Fiddleford added, “Do you remember that stupid fight we had about coffee filters? We was yelling at each other right in this here room, weren’t we?”

Ford’s breath caught. Of course he remembered. He also remembered that fight had ended with a makeout session on the couch.

Did Fiddleford?

“Yes, it was in here,” he answered. “But . . . is the yelling all you remember?”

“No.”

He said it quietly, but with an intensity that brought Ford to a rigid attention. The tender look in his eye loosened Ford’s tongue, and before he knew it he blurted out, “I’m still in love with you.”

Fiddleford brought a trembling hand to Ford’s face. “Ford . . .”

Leaning into the touch, his hands moving from Fiddleford’s beard and onto his shoulders, Ford continued, “I know that after everything that happened between us, it’s more than I could ever ask for simply to be your friend again. And if you want to keep it that way, I’ll still consider myself incredibly fortunate. But if you still feel anything romantic towards me -”

Fiddleford cut him off with a kiss, soft and tender, leaving Ford tingling as he pulled away. “Yes,” he said breathlessly. “Yes, consarn it, Stanford, I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried. Which I did try. Multiple times. I don’t want to try again.”

“Me neither,” said Ford, and pulled him into another kiss, more intense than the first. Ford’s hands fell around Fiddleford’s waist and pulled him closer. When their mouths broke apart, their foreheads rested together, drinking in the closeness that had so long been denied them.

“The beard’s different,” murmured Ford. “But I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Fidds chuckled, rubbing his beard on Ford’s face and peppering him with kisses. Ford was laughing when their lips met again.

“Oh, great,” said Stan, jolting them apart. “Now I owe Mabel fifteen bucks.”

“Stanley!” Ford cried. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Literally two seconds, sheesh,” said Stan, leaning against the doorway. “I just wanted to tell you dinner was ready, not watch you make out like a creep.”

“And since when do you gamble with the kids?”

“Since when do I not gamble with anyone? I really shouldn’t have bet against Mabel’s matchmaking skills, though. I just thought you two were so repressed, you wouldn’t know a gay urge if it bit you in the rear.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “Just because I like to keep things private doesn’t mean I’m repressed, Stanley. I accepted the fact that I’m gay back in college, when we first got together.”

“Really? So Mabel didn’t start your relationship, she just got you back together. I think I can make this work for me.”

“You give that girl her fifteen dollars, Stanley,” Fiddleford insisted. “I never would’ve guessed that braid train business was a setup. That girl is good.”

When she came in for dinner and found Fiddleford and Stanford holding hands, Mabel squealed and accepted her winnings with relish. Though Dipper was less exuberant, he did say that their getting together was “neat, real neat. You guys are, like, the ultimate science power couple.” Even Stan admitted that despite all the teasing, he was happy for them.

“It gives me a lot of hope for the future,” said Ford as he walked Fiddleford home that evening, “having that kind of support from family.”

“Don’t it?” Fiddleford concurred. “Those kids ain’t growing up with the same limits on self expression, or love, that we did. What a blessing that is.”

“For so long, I felt like I didn’t have a future,” said Ford. “Everything was about stopping Bill. But now, the possibilities are endless. This is the freest I’ve ever felt. I’m so glad I get to share that with you.”

“I feel exactly the same way.”

Ford kissed Fiddleford then, right there in the street, not caring at all if anyone saw.

#fiddauthor #stanford pines #fiddleford mcgucket #gravity falls #fanfic #1500 words #otp: not just research partners

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selfship-pride · 4 years

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Pride Parade Spotlight: Mothblush!

Our first spotlight post is going to Tumblr user @mothblush ! They are a nonbinary artist and writer here in the community with a fun and innovative artstyle (their art above can be found here!) They’re also a big fan of video games and crocheting (the happy creator of 2 blankets and a hat no less!)

Moth is a friendly and open minded individual with lots of love to give! They said that their work is always LGBT+ friendly while being especially Trans positive!! They encourage more trans representation in media and hope that with their work they can bring more light into the lives of trans people by creating and supporting them, even if they’re just one person! Way to go, Moth!! You’ve brightened my day already!

Under the cut is an interview I had with Moth about their ships and any advice that had to give! Check it out!

What does pride mean for you and your F/Os?

Moth: “Pride for me and my F/Os means self-expression and positivity. It's important to remember the roots of pride and where it came from, but the fact that it's evolved into people celebrating and being proud of themselves speaks to me. While we understand in real life that LGBT people are marginalized, we still have the courage to come forward and be proud of who we are. I think that's huge. I think seeing LGBT selfshippers in the community is super important, because it brings us together as a group with solidarity. I at first felt pretty alone before seeing and meeting other LGBT selfshippers, so I speak from that experience! And the fact that everyone has been so supportive of my ships and content is something I will always thank my lucky stars for. My main F/Os are LGBT as well! All of their relationships paired with my S/I or OCs are unique in their own way. I always want to portray happy, healthy LGBT relationships. I personally feel like there's not enough of that. Kabuki is Pansexual, shipped with my S/I Moth who is nonbinary and bisexual. Jumba is a bisexual, transgender (trans man), polyamorous Pleakley is nonbinary & questioning/still unsure. Both (Jumba and Pleakly) are shipped with my OC Jackson who is nonbinary and genderfluid. The alien trio are all polyamorous! Since they're aliens I don't think they'd conform to human standards! Piers: Gay, and shipped with my OC Ridley, who is a trans man.“

Oh I think that’s wonderful! Poly pride! In your polyship, what is the dynamic like for all of you? Must be exciting to be living with those two!

Moth: “It’s a pretty good dynamic! Jackson comes from a world that’s unfamiliar with the technology available on the planets their S/Os are from. They’ve had to learn a LOT of things, but thankfully both have been extremely patient and helpful. It definitely was a culture shock, but any obstacle in their relationship has been handled with grace.

At home the three of them love to relax; sometimes together, sometimes separately. When you have a trio of introverts sometimes the three of them just need to have their me time and recharge!

There’s a lot of love, respect, and understanding in their polyam relationship, and boundaries are seen as priority. Communication is key. The best way I can describe it is the buddy system, but with three- so they’re a team. It’s worked out for the three of them so far and they’re living that happy domestic life we all dream about. 💕 (Sometimes Jumba and Jackson debate about ridiculous things, though. They made him extremely riled up when they claimed a fish fully submerged underwater isn’t considered “wet.”)

That sounds like a healthy and nice dynamic to have with loved ones! You're a lucky one!!!

Moth: “Yeah! For clarification though, Jackson's just an OC I project traits and desires into, same with Ridley. Moth is definitely the closest thing to an S/I, but moreso in personality! I also think it's just less confusing than shipping one character with ALL of my F/Os, haha. Though Jackson DID start off as an S/I, their appearance and character changed enough over the years to evolve into their own character!”

It sounds like you have a healthy understanding of yourself and your F/Os!! Do you have any advice for any LGBT+ selfshippers who are going through a rough time or are struggling with their sexuality/identity?

Moth: “ Thanks! And my advice to LGBT+ selfshippers, especially in their youth: You don't have to come out if you're not ready, but remember that you're still loved regardless. In your darkest hours, remember there are people who will love and support you for who you are. It sounds cliche, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's also okay to put your safety first. Whether or not you're out and a member of the selfship community, as an LGBT+ selfshipper, I will ALWAYS support you and welcome you with open arms. If you ever need solidarity, I'm with you- I hear you, I see you, and even if I don't fully understand you, know that I empathize and will do my best to listen. Do not feel ashamed for being you. It is not wrong or abnormal, and to come out and share who you are with the world is an incredible act of bravery that many of us under the LGBT+ umbrella will love and support you for. No matter what the world says, we are an incredible, diverse group of individuals whose love shines brighter than any star. And of course: Your F/Os love you for you. They would never judge you or think of you any differently, and they would be ecstatic and over the moon to support you, and flattered beyond belief that you trusted them with something so personal and meaningful to you.”

WELL SAID!!! I think your words will really move some people and make them feel welcome to be themselves. Do you have anything else you'd like to add before we bring the interview to an end?

Moth: “Thank you so much, I'm so glad to hear that!! I'm glad to offer great words of comfort and support to the community. Anything else... well, shameless self promotion, follow me! I talk about Crossing Animals and Gay Aliens a lot. However I'd also like to give a shoutout to my friend @shinobishiba for being my biggest cheerleader and supporter in this community. I'm so glad to call them my friend! (And they are also LGBT and an extremely talented artist, so check them out!!)”

BIG thank you to Moth for sharing their 2 cents with us today and giving us some of their insight! They were a phenomenal first guest for the pride parade and I look forward to promoting more and more LGBT+ friends across the community! Thanks for tuning in and we’ll see you next spotlight!

#pride parade spotlight #mothblush #self ship pride #lgbt pride #THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MOTH!

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christian-witchy-business · 4 years

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So I'm a 16 year old looking into being a Christian witch, because I'm feeling drawn to that path, and I feel like God wants me down this path as well. I've told my mom, and she accepts me, so now my next path to take is finding something right for me. So, that being said, maybe have any advice for a newbie? Thanks 😊

Hello! Congratulations on discerning a new path for yourself and welcome! I’m so glad your family is accepting of your desire to pursue a non traditional form of Christianity.

I have three major pieces of advice.

First, you do not need to be a specific “archetype” of witch, especially not at first. You don’t have to come into this saying “I’m a Green Witch” or “Im a Hedge Witch.” You can take time to explore what paths interest you and research those further. Let yourself get interested in various different types of magic and don’t bind yourself to one idea. If you like cooking, look into food magic. If you think you may like divination, start learning tarot. Think spirit work is cool? Do some research and learn how to protect yourself before you start inviting things into your home, but go for it. Mix and match your interests and don’t let anyone tell you that you have to pick just one.

Second, remember to center your faith. There are some great Christian witch blogs here and some Christian blogs that, while not inherently witchy, are very open to mysticism and folk magic. Off the top of my head I can think of @adhdcatholicwitch @hymnsofheresy @mysticismmess in particular. Go hunting through tags to find others. Remember that God is central to our faith, not magic. Yes, magic does cool stuff, but God is the river that all that power comes through. We can’t do anything without God and, as Christians, our devotion to God needs to come first. Pray. Do devotionals. Light candles and burn incense and talk with God. Chat with Saints if that’s your thing. Read the Bible and work to understand it beyond what you were taught in Sunday School and mass. @queerlychristian has some amazing sermons and material on interpreting the Bible beyond a literal guidebook or rulebook.

People (both witches and regular Christians alike) will try to tell you that this isn’t an acceptable path and that Christians can’t dabble in magic. Finding a healthy and strong relationship with God will help you persist in your path despite the opinions of others.

Finally, be careful who you learn from and what you practice. Magic is cool, there’s so many different things to explore and rituals to learn! But remember that not every ritual is from an open religion or culture. Learn what terms and actions are closed to you. Stay away from people who claim that there’s no such thing as a closed practice. Most indigenous magic systems (Native American religions, African religions, Indigenous Australian, etc.) are closed and many others require initiation and training. Also, Kabbalah is a Jewish practice and anyone who tries to tell you it’s fine for a Christian because “it’s the same God” is probably antisemitic. Check out @will-o-the-witch for more info on Jewish witchcraft and how to be a good ally to Jewish people (who aren’t just Christian Lite™️). Note that staying away from them doesn’t and shouldn’t mean that you are the equivalent of a 4 year old putting their fingers in their ears and going “la la la not lisrening.” It means not practicing closed traditions. Learn about them, know what Voodoo actually entails. Ask questions about what the evolution of root work in America was. Know which Native American groups practice what types of religions. Ignorance is not the same as respect.

Also, if you plan to follow Norse pagan blogs, make sure you do a quick scroll through the blog before following. Most are amazing people with great resources but unfortunately white supremacists have decided that Odin and Thor loooove and support white supremacy (spoiler: they don’t) and have hijacked the religion. 99% of Norse blogs are great, just be on the lookout for Nazi bs. Also, be wary of any witches that deny the presence of male witches or say anything about how witchiness is derived from womanhood. This is usually a calling card for transphobic behavior. There are a lot of TERFs in the witch community.

This got long and I’m sorry. If you have more specific questions, feel free to DM me and we can chat more. These are my major tips when starting witchcraft on tumblr.

Tl;dr: 1) explore what you love, 2) remember to be Christian first, witch second, and 3) be aware that there are racists, transphobes, sexists, and assholes in the witch community and be somewhat on the lookout for them.

#christian witch #christian witchcraft #newbie witch #christopaganism #answered

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supergay-supergirl · 4 years

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why supergirl season 5 was actually good: sort of an essay

This has been sitting in my sticky notes for months and I figured now that I have a Supergirl blog, I can actually post it.

People love hating on Supergirl Season 5. And I get it. I admit that it had a lot of problems. But I did like the season overall, and there's enough out there about Season 5’s problems, so here is a post about some things that were great about Season 5!

1. Lena’s Arc

Apparently everyone hates how this was executed, but I really liked it. I like how 5A allows her to scheme and lie and altogether explore the darker (Luthor) side of herself, because only after experiencing what she’s been afraid of becoming can she fully come to know herself. I like how in 5x07, she gets to scream and cry, to express to Supergirl how much she’s hurting, and how betrayed she feels. I like how in 5x13, Kara finally accepts that Lena joining Lex was not her fault, and that she didn’t deserve to be manipulated (“From now on, you’re accountable for your own actions.”). I like Lena’s growing obsession with erasing human pain through 5B and the fact that we know exactly where her motivations come from, and we feel for her because we’ve seen how much pain she’s in herself -- but at the same time, we can still oppose her ultimately villainous actions, which leads us to hope for her redemption. (A lot of this is due to Katie McGrath’s stellar acting as well.)

I love how the season shows just how much Lex’s continual abuse and manipulation affects her, and shows her standing up to him at the end. I wish they had focused more on Lena instead of pushing her aside in favor of Lex in 5B, but overall I liked how they expanded on the Luthor sibling relationship from Season 4, even if it was missing some of the complexity of the previous season. And finally, I love the way Lena fights so hard to regain Kara’s trust in 5x19 (and succeeds!). It felt like there was more of a balance between the two starting from 5x13, where previously it had always been Kara apologizing and trying to gain Lena’s trust.

2. Supergirl’s New Look

PANTS. PANTS. PANTS. PANTS.

For Season 4, Kara the Reporter got a more professional wardrobe as she began to mentor Nia, and the switch to pants feels like the same thing for Supergirl. It completes the transition from “young adult” to just “adult.” It may have been reasonable to call Kara a “girl” in Season 1, but by now, she is an adult woman, and I’m glad that her wardrobe reflects that.

I was opposed to Kara’s bangs at the beginning of the season, but they have definitely grown on me. Like the pants, I think they mark an important change in Supergirl’s character, one that is better appreciated by the audience than the characters. Now, when I rewatch previous seasons, I think, “Wow, Kara looks so different now.” I didn’t think that when I rewatched episodes after Season 4. The bangs are a way to identify Adult Kara as having changed a lot from how she was at the beginning, and like the pants, I feel like they complete her transition into adulthood.

(But are the writers expecting us to believe that nobody who knows Kara would be suspicious that Kara and Supergirl got bangs on the exact same day? Seriously.)

3. Eve Teschmacher

In Season 4, Eve Teschmacher was a brilliant, eager-to-please young woman who (whoops) turned out to be evil. And she was great. But I was dissatisfied with her betrayal because it came so out of the blue, and it was a complete 180 without much buildup at all. Season 5 gave her the humanity that she was lacking, first with her mom, then with her desperation not to have to kill. Not to mention, some pretty badass fight scenes.

4. J’onn’s Swagger

J’onn’s storyline in Season 5 is not nearly as deep as in Season 4, and I see that as a good thing. Season 4 J’onn was wonderful and necessary, but in a season that has a lot of strong development for Kara and Lena, it was nice to have a relatively static character who’s at a good place in his life. Season 4 let J’onn discover the man he wanted to be, and David Harewood brings a new confidence to Season 5 as a result of that. It’s fun to watch him strut around in his supersuit and say normal things as if they’re great proclamations. It’s nice to see the happy, healthy adult relationship between him and M’gann. The easy trust they have with each other causes them to act more like they’re married than dating, as opposed to the younger characters who are often caught up in relationship drama.

5. Kelly Therapy Face

All the characters need a therapist, and they finally got one! Well, Kelly is technically a psychologist, which I believe means she could be a therapist but is not necessarily? I don’t know things. Anyway, it’s nice to have a calm, supportive presence in the group, and this effect is helped by Kelly Therapy Face. Kelly Therapy Face is the face Kelly makes when she’s listening to you talk about your problems. Kelly Therapy Face and her generally calm presence bring down the interpersonal drama of the group and solidify the idea that all these people are growing into full adults, with adult relationships and adult responses to issues. Their emotions are stabilizing, they’re building stronger support systems, and they’re gaining a better understanding of how the world works and their places in it.

This is more of a Season 4 thing -- this season really didn’t give Kelly the screentime she deserved -- but I also love how even though Kelly acts as a source of support for others, her own fear and trauma are rarely glossed over (see: the end of 5x05). This gives Kelly a humanity and realistic quality that many emotional-support characters don’t get. It also shows the key difference between Dansen and Sanvers: whenever Alex and Maggie had conflict, they swept it aside rather than working through it, leading to their eventual breakup, but when Alex and Kelly have conflict, they listen to each other and try to fix it. In accordance with their adult-ness, Alex and Kelly also seem to be in agreement that it’s okay to have conflict in their relationship (“And I might not know every little detail about you yet, but I know you,” 5x02).

6. Reality Bytes

Calling attention to violence against trans folk, exploring Dreamer’s dark side, and showing the strength of Kara and Nia’s mentor-student relationship in one episode? Just. Yes. Either Nicole Maines was projecting a lot or she’s a really good actor (probably both), but either way, as a trans person, I felt this episode on a personal level: the anger, fear, and frustration at knowing that your community is being targeted and the people you’re supposed to trust (i.e. the police) are probably not going to do anything about it. Additionally, Kara and Nia’s conflict in 5x15, and the fact that Kara compares Nia’s experience to her own, is a great marker of how far Kara has come. In Season 1, Supergirl felt a similar anger and hurt when villains sought her out, but by now, she’s more at peace and can offer Dreamer reassurance and comfort.

7. Brainy’s Plot

Brainy’s storyline in Season 5 is nice because it manages to remain stable as an important, but secondary, plot. It enhances the sense that there’s more going on than we realize and gives us a view into the scheming of the villains, while not taking over too much screentime or audience brainspace.

8. Jon Cryer

As annoying as it is that the writers gave up a lot of Lena’s screentime to Lex, Jon Cryer’s performance in Season 5 is just wonderful. He can go from acting totally in control to screaming in a matter of seconds. Lex Luthor is witty, assured, and charming in a weird way. On the other side of his personality, he is a madman who cares about no one’s interests but his own. Jon Cryer’s acting manages to package all this great but conflicting writing into a brilliant, awful, occasionally sympathetic villain who has more than his share of awesome (and terrifying) scenes.

9. Alex’s Grief

I like that Alex gets to let go of her emotions a little this season and express herself. Especially when Jeremiah dies before 5x16, Alex has a really tough time (and a mention of her possibly drinking problem! Expand, please!). She tries to escape from the pain of real life through virtual reality, but eventually realizes that she has to face her pain rather than avoid it, which is a major theme of the season. What’s great about 5x16 and the next couple episodes is that the other characters allow her to grieve. They could have told her to get over it and see all the happiness in the real world — it would have fit with the theme — but instead, they support Alex as she grieves. They listen without judgement when she expresses her anger that Jeremiah left and forced her to take care of Kara. Kara and Kelly are (mostly) understanding when Alex doesn’t want to go to Jeremiah’s funeral, and when Alex arrives late at the end of the episode, Kara lets her know how much she appreciates that Alex came at all. Throughout her life, Alex hasn’t had much opportunity to be herself and express her emotions, an idea that’s repeated over and over again starting from her coming-out arc in Season 2 or even earlier. Now that Kara can for the most part take care of herself and Alex has a good support system, she finally gets the opportunity to be vulnerable.

10. Andrea Rojas’s Moral Ambiguity

Is Andrea good or bad? Neither. She’s a person who wants love, success, and money, who does sketchy things to promote her company but also fights fiercely for her father and cares about the safety of her technology. Before Andrea, Lena was the main morally ambiguous character, and she could be categorized as “playing for her own team.” However, Andrea goes a step further, crossing into a territory I would call “not playing a game at all.” She’s just a human being trying to have a good life, and that causes her to do good things, bad things, and everything in between. In a show that often accentuates the difference between heroes and villains (“Don’t let them down by stooping to his level,” 5x15), Andrea is a reminder that most people aren’t good or bad -- they’re just living their lives.

TL;DR: They’re all adults now and Lena needs a hug.

#supergirl #supergirl season 5 #kara danvers #lena luthor #j'onn j'onzz #kelly olsen #dansen #nia nal #dreamer #brainiac 5 #alex danvers #andrea rojas

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midnightmarev · 4 years

Text

Just To Pet My Dog?!

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Pre-Moxiety

Word count: 2285

AO3 link

Notes: Based off of an incorrect quote by @ssslimyboy

Summary: Whatever Virgil had imagined would happen today, it most certainly wasn’t this! This man nearly died, just to pet his dog! Like, what? Okay, let’s rewind the day a bit to see what actually happened, shall we?

Just To Pet My Dog?!

“Alright, Ann. It’s 4:30. We gotta head out now if we don’t wanna be late for the vet’s.” A whine was heard. Virgil chuckled. Anastacia really didn’t want to go the vet. Virgil couldn’t really blame her. He himself never liked going to the doctor’s office either.

“Wruff!”

“I know, Ann. But it’s just a check-up,” he said, finding the leash as well as some of Anastacia’s favourite treats. She starts wagging her tail when she catches their smell. She was a beautiful albino German Shepherd, and he’d had her since she was a pup.

After another minute of dosing her with love, they were out of the door. It took about 15 minutes to get to the clinic, and their appointment was at 5 pm, so they would have some time to spare once they got there.

They were walking peacefully down the street when Virgil was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts at the sounds of tires screeching. Virgil looked up and saw a bespectacled man with curly honey-brown coloured hair. And he was crossing the road at what one would call superspeed without a care for his life. All Virgil could do was stand there and stare. What the actual hell was going through that man’s head?! The road was heavily trafficked this time of the day with people just wanting to get home from work.

Virgil visibly winched when a bus nearly hit him. Luckily the bus driver stopped just in time to not hit him. What was this guy thinking?!

Oh no! A car! Virgil stands there in silent terror and anxiety, praying to any and all deity that the man stops before he’s run over. He doesn’t, but the car does, and he slides across the hood. And a second. And third. And suddenly he’s standing on the pavement in front of Virgil, out of breath. But he’s smiling like a goofball? He seems super excited. Why?

“Oh my gosh!! Can I please pet your dog??” he asked, looking like he had to physically restrain himself from attacking Anastacia with love and pets and cuddles.

The question catches Virgil entirely off guard. What?

Anastacia also seems baffled. Humans were weird, but she never thought they would want to risk dying just to pet her.

“Um… sure?” Virgil hesitantly answered. And the man began to pet Anastacia, who gladly, but very confused, accepted the soft strokes to her fur.

“Did you just- did you nearly get hit by a bus and slide across the hood of three cars just to pet my dog?” Virgil asked incredulously after he broke out of his stupor.

The man giggled while petting Anastacia and getting concerned face licks from her. “Obviously.”

Now, Virgil wasn’t really the type to fall for people just like that, but the only thought that crossed his mind after that response was ‘is this love?’ and Virgil was in a daze. Here was someone who risked his life to say hi to Anastacia, because he thought she was the most important being in the world. Just like Virgil did.

All Virgil did for the next two minutes was stare at the man. The man who nearly got himself killed to pet Anastacia. The man who almost died and was now cooing at Anastacia like nothing had happened. The man who now casually told Virgil his name. “I’m Patton, by the way.”

And instead of answering Patton politely with his own name all Virgil could say was “You could’ve died! Are you out of your mind?!” And Virgil, anxious, awkward Virgil, internally facepalmed at his own words.

“Hmm?” Patton looked up at Virgil, eyes widening. “Oh my, I’m terribly sorry for distressing you! I can be a bit impulsive at times,” Patton sheepishly admitted. “And I’ve never seen a white German Sheperd before, and I kinda let my impulsiveness take over.” He looked down to Anastacia again, emphasising it by scratching her behind the left ear. He looked very guilty. That would not do.

“Uhm, I get that. Not many have. Well, she’s not just white, she’s albino. And albino German Shepherds are rare, to say the least.” Virgil scratched his neck, not knowing what to say next. “Where were you headed?” he then asked, feeling extremely awkward.

“Nowhere in particular, really. Just needed to clear my head. Had a small argument with my brother.” Patton looked, and sounded, sad at that. Why did Virgil always screw things up? Patton had been in a good mood for getting to meet Ann, and now Virgil made him think about something bad that happened to him. Stupid Virgil.

“I- I’m sorry to hear that. But that happens sometimes, right? Between siblings?” Virgil asked, trying to help. He didn’t have any siblings, so he didn’t really know the feeling. And he never spoke to his parents. They had basically disowned him at this point. But that wasn’t the same as having an argument with someone you loved and who loved you back.

Patton nodded. “I suppose. It’s just not often it happens, but it’s too often for my taste. I hate fighting with him,” Patton said, just as sadly. “But enough about me!” His cheery smile was back. “Where are you two cuties headed? Maybe I can join you?”

“Uhm, we’re just going to the vet for a check-up. But uh, sure?” Virgil stammered out, still trying to process the innocent nickname.

“A check-up? Has she been sick?” Patton asked worriedly. They started walking together.

“No no, she hasn’t. It’s just standard procedure with albino dogs. They just need to make sure her immune system is alright, and no genetic errors have popped up, or something like that. Anastacia’s as healthy as can be.”

Anastacia whined at the mention of them going to the vet. Strangers groping on her body was not her pack of treats.

Patton chuckled. “Sounds like someone doesn’t want to go, though. And that’s such a beautiful name! Anastacia.”

“Yeah, she’s been complaining a lot today because of it,” he smiled down at her. She responded by looking up at him, innocently. Their interaction made Patton giggle, and oh if that wasn’t the most beautiful sound Virgil had ever heard.

“Well, I don’t blame her. Going to the vet isn’t the most fun thing to do with your afternoon. You know? If it’s the vet just down here, you might be lucky, Anastacia. My old friend, Logan, works there, and there is no one as gentle as him!” Patton happily exclaimed, bending down to her to scratch behind her ear.

“Really? Do you think you would be able to make him do the check-up? She’s not very comfortable with most people, and last time she bit the vet we ended up with…” Virgil trailed off, remembering the day. He was very picky with who got to examine Ann, and they went through several vets before ending with the one she bit.

“Really? Patton asked, looking down at Ann, who purposely avoided looking at him. “So she chooses who get to examine her, or what?” Patton enquired.

“… and I’m also really “picky” with who is allowed to examine her,” Virgil sheepishly admitted.

“As you should be. She deserves only the best and most caring hands to do the examination!”

Virgil was glad he wasn’t the only one who thought her a treasure to the world. She was his emotional support animal and had helped him get through some of his roughest times and a lot of panic attacks. He would only accept the best for her.

Before they knew it, they were at the clinic. Virgil sat with Ann next to him while Patton was talking to the receptionist about getting Logan to do the examination. They had arrived ten minutes before the check-up, so they had some time to themselves while waiting.

Patton and Virgil held a light conversation, talking about anything and everything. They really hit it off.

“Anastacia?” someone asked. Virgil looked up to see a man dressed in the usual vet attire. He had a tie around his neck, making him look even more professional than any of the other vets. He had glasses on, similar to Patton’s, and black hair slicked back.

“That’s us,” Virgil answered. He encouraged Ann to stand up and say hello. He really hoped this Logan was to her liking. It seemed so.

“Salutations. Please, follow me,” the vet, Logan, said, motioning them towards a room down the hall. “In here, if you will.”

Virgil nodded. He went inside the examination room with Ann following on his heel.

The human vet the nice, but crazy, human had introduced her to was not so bad. She still didn’t like it here though, and would much rather go home.

“Patton told me she bit the last veterinarian to examine her?” Logan inquired.

Virgil looked a bit sheepish. “Yeah, she’s not all that crazy about going to the vet, even if it’s only a check-up.”

“I see,” Logan mumbled. He then went to a basket to search for something. When he emerged, he had a plushie in hand. “Here, this should help her with what I assume is her anxiety.” He handed the plushie to Ann. “It has helped my own canine companion a great deal.”

Virgil watched as Anastacia cautiously sniffed the plushie before slowly taking it, accepting coordinated and gentle strokes to her fur by skilled hands. No other vet had ever been like this with her. He faintly smiled.

“Now, if you will guide her to lie here?”

The examination went well. She was calm all throughout and not once did she growl at Logan. When the examination was over, Logan declared that she was much healthier than most dogs her age.

During the examination, Virgil learned that Logan had a husky named Laylin, but whose pet name was Star. He learned that Patton and his brother, Dee, were really close and it hurt Patton a lot on the rare occasions they fought. He also learned that Patton was very much gay and very much single. And he was waiting for Virgil and Anastacia.

“Salutations, Patton,” Logan greeted when he recognised Patton, sitting and waiting for Virgil.

“Heya, Lo! How did it go?” he asked. He looked genuinely worried. It was sweet. He already had formed some sort of connection to both man and dog.

“Anastacia is as healthy as a dog her age should be. It’s not many dogs that have the optimal health, but it seems like you are excellent at keeping her at peak health,” Logan said, the last part directed towards Virgil.

“Ooh, that’s good to hear! OH! Maybe we could set up a playdate so that she and Star can meet each other! And Nini could join too! She’s Dee’s snake! She’s sooo cute!! They would love each other!” Patton exclaimed, making some of the other patients look at him with various expressions; pet and owner alike.

Virgil and Logan chuckled at Patton’s antics. “You know, it would be good for Anastacia to interacts with other dogs, and to have a healthy experience with animals that aren’t dogs,” Logan pondered to Virgil. He already knew Patton would win. Nobody could resist his puppy dog eyes, and once he’d made up his mind, there was nothing that could deter him.

“Why not. My friend, Roman, is always on my ass about me having to leave the house more,” Virgil shrugged. They seemed like kind people, and his anxiety wasn’t telling him not to.

“Language!” Patton scolded him. Virgil was so surprised he first stood with his mouth open like a goldfish before bursting out laughing. “What? There are innocent ears here!”

When Virgil’s laugh died down to a giggle and had gotten a hold of his breath again, he looked incredulously at Patton. “You just do that? Scold people for their language? At the vet’s?” Virgil giggled.

Logan leaned over. “You’ll get used to that. And no, not just here. Anywhere,” he stage-whispered.

They laughed with each other before exchanging numbers. Logan had to get back to work, and Virgil urged Patton to go back and clear things up with his brother. Virgil could see the strain in Patton’s smile and the pain in his eyes.

Patton insisted on following him and Anastacia home, though. “Just to make sure no one else tries to cross the busy road to pet her,” he joked, bumping his shoulder into Virgil’s.

They said their farewells at the door, Patton declining the invitation to come inside for a glass of water. He needed to get back to Dee and Nini. Patton gave Virgil a small hug instead, saying thank you for being allowed to befriend Anastacia as well as being a well-needed distraction from his thoughts.

After Patton had left, Virgil gave Anastacia some of the promised treats for being so docile with Logan, before letting her trot into the living room and jump onto the couch. She was proud of herself. She had singlepawedly made sure her human got new friends. And a love interest. Dogs above knew he needed love from another human. And if she got new animal friends out of it, who was she to complain?

Virgil sat next to her, scratched her behind the ear, and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He was so going to text Roman about his crazy day. He wrote a short message saying he so needed to talk face-to-face because his day had been beyond absurd. Before he pressed send, he looked at Anastacia, smiled, and thought about Patton’s smile and adorable giggle. Only one thought occupied his mind. Ann looked at him and voiced it:

“Yeah, this is love.”

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davieslandon · 4 years

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Let’s get smashed | Aaron & Landon

Discord thread featuring: Landon, and @aaronhart93

Where: Blue Bar

When: May 22nd

Description: Landon contacts Aaron, needing someone to talk to after everything that happened with Roman and Khai and they meet up for drinks.

Trigger Warnings: alcohol

Landon

Landon couldn't really remember the last time he felt so low. Everything seemed to be happening at once and he was left reeling. First the whole mess with Aaron, then the kiss with Khai and now he was left with nothing. His whole support system was in pieces. That's probably why he reached out to Aaron even after everything that happened. Maybe getting completely wasted was exactly what he needed. "Ey", he said, when Aaron showed up outside their bar of choice.

Aaron

Needless to say, Aaron was still feeling down about the anniversary of his dad’s death and his fight with Landon. Alison has really talked him through the situation and shed some light and perspective on Aaron’s choice. Aaron did value his friendship with Landon more than anything. But sometimes (okay, more than sometimes), he thought with his dick and not with his heart or his head. Aaron had spent half the week drunk, which he knew wasn’t healthy but he knew that once he got through this week he hoped he would be able to bounce back. “Yo”. Aaron said shortly to Landon when he walked up to Blue Bar. “It’s on me tonight, man.” He said, gently patting him on the shoulder. “Let’s get a few drinks in us before we start talking though.” He said, walking into the bar with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Landon

Any other time Landon would argue that he could take of the drinks but, at the moment, all he really cared about was drinking the night away and couldn’t be bothered to disagree on who should take care of it. Nodding, he followed Aaron inside, relieved that he wasn’t planning on picking up the conversation straight away. Landon spent the time between his texts to Aaron and coming here fighting back tears so he knew talking about it without alcohol as a crutch would get very emotional very fast. “Thanks for coming with me.” After what happened between them he didn’t think they’d be back together again for a night out so soon.

Aaron

"Of course, I'd never leave you hanging. You're still my best friend." Aaron practically bolted for the bar. He liked this spot; Nicola did a great job of running the place and he liked the friendly competition so he did mind patronizing the bar. Plus, he didn't want to get hammered at his own establishments. Getting up to the bar he ordered a round of shots for them, waving down the bartender frantically with his platinum credit card. They knew to serve him quickly. "4 Tequila shots. Salt and line." he nearly demanded, slamming down his card. "Keep it open." Soon after the shots came out, he downed the first like water.

Landon

Landon watched on, trying not to smirk at seeing the confidence with which the other moves. It was clear this wasn’t his first time here and it made Landon feel relieved. If Aaron was a regular then this place must be good and maybe he could behave freely without people learning what he did a few seconds after it happened. As soon as the shots were out, Landon picked one up and downed it in one go. No sooner was he done with the first one that he was already taking care of the second. The sooner he could get a good buzz going, the better. “So I’m still your best friend huh?”

Aaron

Aaron cleared his throat after Landon asked him that question. He looked down at his feet and shuffled them, nervously. He finished his next shot and motioned to the bartender for another round. "I don't know why you wouldn't be." he told him. Aaron had a lot of apologizing to do. Honesty and being raw wasn't something that Aaron was good at, so he did need to get a little liquored up before opening up a little bit more.

Landon

That was a good point and one he understood well considering Landon still saw Aaron as his best friend even when he was so furious at him that he felt he could never see him again. What happened with Roman today put a lot of things into perspective. Like the fact that when something went wrong in his lode Aaron was always there for him and that their fight was so pointless. In the end, Roman was with Khai and all they really had was each other. “I don’t know, I guess I thought accusing you of sleeping with half of New York would have lost me some best friend points”, he joked only to realise that it was probably still a little too soon to joke about that.

Aaron

Aaron laughed airily when Landon brought up how he told Aaron he slept with half of New York. "Yeah you kind of slut shamed me there didn't you?" the corner of his lips turned up into a crooked smile. As the next round of shots came out and Aaron downed them, he started feeling a little loose. "I was wrong Landon." he admitted. "And I'm not just saying that because he's exclusive with Khai and Jaycee. I knew it all along I was just too selfish to admit that I was wrong. You know I think with my dick instead of my heart." he admitted, shooting down yet another shot.

Landon

Landon winced but he was glad to note Aaron didn’t seem to be too offended about it. “I kind of did and I’m sorry.” It wasn’t one of his proudest moments but his anger sometimes gets the better of him and he ends up saying things he later regrets. He was genuinely surprised when Aaron admitted to being wrong. He was expecting another apology at some point, he would accept it and they could move on since it was quite clear neither one of them were doing anything else with Roman any time soon. He downed another shot and turned back to look at Aaron properly. “Thanks for telling me that, it helps. Look, I know better than anyone how hard it is to let go of Roman and sometimes it’s freaking impossible but it helps that you’re kind if seeing it from my point of view.”

Aaron

Aaron shrugged. "I mean you were kind of right. Maybe it was a bit of an exaggeration, but I have hooked up with a lot of people. it's kind of shocking in only have one kid." he chuckled at his own choke. He decided to pull a barstool under him so that he could sit down; he was starting to feel a little tipsy and he feared he would start loosing his balance. "There's literally no way to describe my mind set besides me just being selfish. I don't really even like him like that... I mean thinking about it I guess maybe I kind of did or else it would have been easier to tell him we had to stop." he admitted, just now thinking that his feeling towards Roman were at one point potentially more than just platonic, sexual feelings. "No fuck or stupid little crush is every worth loosing you as a friend. I'm way too old to be thinking the way I do. I'm so so sorry."

Landon

“Yeah but it’s your choice how many people you sleep with and I’m never one to judge over that, I only said it because I was angry at you”, he shrugged and then laughed at his joke. “I think you have more than enough kids for now.” The shots were finally having an effect on him so he took Aaron’s lead and sat down on one of the stools. The only way his day could get any worse was if he facepalmed the floor. “It’s okay, I understand. There’s just something about him, makes it hard not to fall for him. Trust me, I know that better than anyone.” It was pointless to stay angry at Aaron. Sure, what he did hurt him but he wasn’t willing to lose their friendship over it especially now that he needed his support more than ever. “I still love him”, he blurted out, sounding choked up. This was the first time he was saying it out loud to anyone other than Roman. Yep, the shots were definitely working.

Aaron

Aaron nodded and smile at him in understanding. “I know. We say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. Trust me I get it.” He assured him. “Um yeah no more kids. I’m sure destiny wouldn’t like not being an only child. She wouldn’t want the attention to be on anybody else but her.” He let out a short laugh. She was a piece of work and wouldn’t be able to handle another kid like her. Aaron nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I guess so.” He mumbled. Oh shit. Aaron wasn’t expecting that but that would explain one of the reasons as to why landon had gotten so upset when he initially told him about him sleeping with Roman. “Fuck.” He sighed. “I didn’t know...” Would knowing that Landon was still in love with Roman had stopped Aaron from sleeping with him? That was something Aaron didn’t know the answer to.

Landon

"Not to mention that I can't really imagine you taking care of more than one tiny kid right now. I definitely don't think I could do it. I love Elle but she's an expert at driving me up the wall sometimes", he laughed. "That's because I didn't want anyone to know. Nothing was ever going to come of it but at least we were still hooking up sometimes so I was fine with no one ever knowing but now that's gone too and I just...it sucks." He couldn't even put into words how he was really feeling right now. He was glad Roman found someone he loved and that he was willing to try an exclusive relationship with but at the same time he kept thinking back on the what ifs. What if he never got married and they were still together. He'd probably be raising Elle with him now instead of all on his own. His own thoughts were going to be the death of him so he downed two more shots, one after the other. At this rate he was going to have to be carried home.

Aaron

“I hear ya. The other day Destiny really colored on the walls...she knows not to do that she just wanted attention.” He huffed, snaking his head in amusement. Now there were talking like how they normally talk. Aaron was shocked at Landon’s honesty - not that they weren’t normally honest with each - just that Aaron didn’t think that Landon would open up so soon after they fought. If anything, this gave Aaron hope that their friendship would last through this fight. Aaron raises his brow. He didn’t know Roman and Landon has been hooking up. Not that he had an issue with it, it was just news to him. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been more considerate of your feel’ns” slurring a little bit now. How many drinks had it been? “I should have asked you more about your relationship with him before jumping to conclusions and assuming what you two had was over and done with.” Aaron thought for a moment. “So is this why you decided to stay in New York instead of going back to London?” He asked, putting some puzzle pieces together in his head.

Landon

“The things they do to get our attention when it could be as simple as just asking for it. I hope for your sake Des never finds the scissors because there’s no going back from that”, he shook his head. While Landon would have appreciated if Aaron talked to him, Landon knew he probably wouldn’t have told him. How do you tell someone you were still in love with your childhood best friend even though he’s gotten married and divorced since the last time they were dating? There was no way of saying that without sounding like an asshole and, even though he knew he was, he never wanted Aaron to think that of him. He rolled his eyes and scoffed but it’s not like he could deny it. His friend wouldn’t believe him if he did. “Yeah, I thought maybe...I don’t even know what I thought but a load of good it did, huh? I mean, staying here was the right choice, especially for Elle but him being here was my biggest reason for choosing to stay. I thought I could make new memories to forget the horrible ones from the accident and the divorce but now I’ve ended up just adding to the bad ones.”

Aaron

Aaron cringed. “We keep those away from her but I’m nervous for her to start Kindergarten because she will most definitely learn to use those there.” He shook his head, but grinned at the idea of his daughter growing up and going to school. Maybe if Aaron has listening to Landon more he would have been more receptive to what he was feeling. Aaron knew that Landon had been having a hard time since the accident and his divorce with Harry. Of course he wasn’t alright. Maybe if Aaron has communicated with Landon better by checking up on him more frequently to make sure he was okay. He should have been letting Landon know that Aaron was always someone he could’ve talked to. Maybe this whole mess could have been avoided. “I’m sorry Landon. I should’ve been better at being there for you and should have been checking on you more frequently. I promise I’ll get better at that.” He vowed. Best friends need to keep each other in check, and Aaron just expected Landon to keep him in check when Aaron didn’t do the same in return.

Landon

“I told my mum to do that but I think she missed a pair because next thing I know I’m getting a photo of her attempts at a fringe”, he shuddered when he thought back on it. It took months for it to grow back to some semblance of normal. Even with all the trouble she got up to, he was going to miss her once she started Kindergarten. “Don’t, it’s not your fault. This is my mess to deal with and it’s not fair for me to keep falling back on you every time my life goes to shit.” He just needed to accept that there was never going to be anything more than friendship with Roman and the sooner he could accept that, the sooner he could move in. If only it wasn’t easier said than done. “You’re doing more than enough by getting wasted with me tonight.”

Aaron

“Oh no. I’m going to have nightmares of Destiny trying to do that now.” He shook his head but couldn’t help but laugh. Aaron shrugged. “But I like being there for you and I really fucked it up. We’re too old for this bullshit. We’re not 21 anymore....I don’t know. I guess I just somehow feel like i’s all my faul’.” Now he was really feeling those tequila shots. “More tequila then please!” He shouted to the bartender and waved his hand in the air.

Landon

"It's a horror show so I can only hope for your sake that you never go through it", he chuckled. "God, tell me about it. When I got married at twenty-two I seriously thought I managed to avoid all this drama. Instead, I'm twenty-eight, divorced, in love with my ex and best friend and no closer to having my life together than I was when I was a teenager. But none of that's your fault. We're both a mess." Landon burst out laughing at Aaron's enthusiasm but it was probably the tequila making him think it was funnier than it actually was.

Aaron

Aaron was so thankful they were having this conversation. It was much needed and Aaron was starting to feel like he was getting his best friend back. Landon’s laugh must have been contagious because Aaron couldn’t help but burst out laughing with him. “I’ll make sure to lock up my scissors. Thanks for the warning. Yeah we’re both pretty messy. I thought I had everything together in my early 20s too. Even after Des was born, I was thought that the world couldn’t possibly find something else to throw at me. I thought I’d done it all. And I’m sure our 30s are going to be wild too.” Aaron cringed at the thought of being over 29. “Dude, I’m wasted.” He admitted to Landon, realizing that the room was starting to spin.

Landon

Just the thought that in two years time he was going to be thirty years old made Landon shiver. The big thirty was closer than his twenty and that scared him. He liked to think that life would finally be under control but things didn’t end that well when he thought the same thing about his 20s. Why couldn’t things be simple for once? “Don’t remind me that we’re so close. Can you imagine us as thirty year olds? With all our disasters and dramas?” Yeah, he wasn’t looking forward to that. Their next round of drinks were placed in front of them just as Aaron was saying he was wasted and he giggled. “Oh mate so am I”, he admitted when everything started getting blurry. “It won’t be long until I start seeing two of you and isn’t the thought of that a complete nightmare.”

Aaron

Aaron grimaced at the idea of being 30, and the idea of taking that last round of shots. But they were already in front of him, and Aaron wasn’t about to turn them away. “If our 30 year old drama is anything like our 20 year old drama, we’re really in for it. But I know that if I have you with me, we can make it.” The tequila was making him really sappy but he meant it. “Last shot then we’re outta here?” He asked, holding up the tiny glass and tipping it slightly to him before downing it. “Two Aaron Harts would be a sight to see.” He laughed, and motioned for the bartender to close of his tab.

Aaron barely remembered getting into the Uber and getting to his house. He and Landon just somehow ended up there. “Oh god, If I don’t eat I’m going to vomit.” He said, making his way to his large pantry to pick out a snack. “Doritos? Or salt and vinegar chips?” He pondered.

Landon

Landon wasn’t sure he could stomach another shot but it seemed a waste to leave it there, especially since Aaron was paying. “Someone’s feeling a bit sappy tonight”, he teased but he couldn’t deny that he felt the same way. This night of drinking seemed to be just what they needed to slowly started making their way back to normal. It was a relief to note that maybe their drama with Roman wouldn’t be the end of their friendship. He agrees to take the last shot and downed it in one go, trying not to cough.

If anyone asked him how they got from the bar to Aaron’s place, he wouldn’t be able to answer. He was pretty sure a cab was involved though. “How the fuck can you eat after all that tequila?” he groaned, feeling his stomach roll just at the mention of food. He somehow managed to follow Aaron inside although he was swaying more than walking and threw himself down on the sofa. “I’m never getting up from this sofa again.”

Aaron

“Shut up the fuck up, man.” He laughed before the pair took their shots. He wondered if their relationship would be back to normal after tonight, or if the tequila was just making them extra friendly. Either way, he was thankful for the way the night went and he actually had a lot of fun. “I just know that if I don’ get somethin’ in my tummy now, I’ll be barfing all day tomorrow.” He assured his friend. The last thing Aaron remembered from the night was laying on the sofa opposite of Landon and shoving salt and vinegar chips down his throat. His mouth would hate for that in the morning.

#discord #chat #c: aaron

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zayadriancas · 4 years

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Bughead, Veggie, Kevin/Moose, Clannah, Justin/Jessica, Tony/Caleb, Jaitlin, Janny, Spemma, Jellie, Imogeli, Cake, Frankston, Zasha, Mola, Shiny, Shawngela, Rucas, Charlie/Riley, Drianca & Zaya

Thank you! :)

Bughead: They’re definitely one of my favorite Riverdale Ships. I love how supportive they are of each other and I think they have the strongest connection on the show. I think Season 4 has made me love them even more. The writers I think write this ship the best because they just keep getting better. I just wish Jughead would come back to Riverdale because the Stomewall story is getting kind of boring IMO and it’s done more harm for him than good, but I’m glad him and Betty haven’t been affected by the distance. In fact I think they’ve gotten stronger. Not much else to say lol other than they’re super adorable and I love them :)

Veggie: They had great chemistry and I didn’t mind it as a temporary thing, but it was clear Veronica wasn’t as invested in the relationship. If both of them had been fine with just friends with benefits it would have been fine but it was clear Reggie wanted more than that. It sucks that it seemed to ruin their friendship since the one scene they’ve had this season was Veronica questioning Reggie on doing something (I don’t remember what exactly) in the episode we find out about his abuse. Oh they had a scene with Archie and Munroe too but they don’t really seem to be friends anymore and that’s a shame but maybe that will change.

Kevin/Moose: This was my favorite Kevin pairing and it sucks that it ended as soon as they got closer, like all of Kevin’s relationships. I didn’t like the Kevin kind of making him feel bad about not being out of the closet but i know he just felt like Moose wasn’t serious about him, he wasn’t trying to be pushy or hurtful. Anyway I wish that Moose went back to Riverdale instead of the other school, at least he had friends there that could have supported him and he wouldn’t be made to feel like he had to leave.

Clannah: I really only liked them in season 1. They had a couple cute scenes in season 2 but mostly the writing for them was really bad in s2 and I saw you said the same thing in your answer and I agree about Clay putting her on a pedestal and then acting irrationally when she didn’t live up to his “perfect” image of her. It’s what made me dislike Clay in season 2. Guys like Zach and Justin definitely were flawed but they didn’t hold Hannah to that ridiculous standard or judge her. I do sympathize with Clay having a hard time coping with her death but that still didn’t excuse his behavior.

Justin/Jessica: I feel guilty for shipping them for obvious reasons and they’re definitely problematic but it’s clear that they love each other and Justin never wanted to hurt her. He handled things awfully but it wasn’t because he was evil like Bryce. He did deserve consequences and I wouldn’t have blamed Jessica if she never forgave him but she did and since then he’s made her happy. Honestly it’s mostly season 3 that I ship them, but I didn’t dislike them before that even though I definitely acknowledged that Justin fucked up.

Tony/Caleb: They’re super cute. I don’t have many strong feelings but I’m glad Tony found someone that makes him happy and has been a good support system for him.

Jaitlin: I LOVE THEM. I really need to rewatch DJH and DH. They’re super sweet and I will never forgive the writers for what they did to them. Well actually I blame Kevin Smith more because apparently he got to help write that episode and he had a crush on Stacie, so. Anyway, I definitely believe Joey and Caitlin belonged together. They had so much history and they made each other so happy. I don’t have much else to say but they deserved their happy ending.

Janny: I really like them together. I do think they could have had better build up/development but they worked despite their differences and Jay definitely treated Manny the best out of all her boyfriends. I liked the softer side she brought out in Jay. I’m glad they were endgame :)

Spemma: Lol what’s funny is they actually could have worked if they had build up. Not as a marriage unless they had been a thing since the beginning but as a couple they wouldn’t have been terrible if it wasn’t so random and rushed. At least it’s confirmed that it was a mistake and I believe they were only still married in NC as a joke to piss us off. But yeah it was nice that they made each other happy and like if they had just hooked up in the movie as a rebound for Spinner and maybe had a friends with benefits type thing that would have made sense. Or if they started dating in season 7 or 8 and were endgame but NOT married then fine. But I’ve literally never seen a much more rushed couple on the show and that’s saying something.

Jellie: I’m assuming this is Jimmy/Ellie. They were cute but I wasn’t the biggest fan of Jimmy and I didn’t like that Ellie was rude to Hazel especially since she didn’t even like Jimmy back. I would have much rather had them get together instead of Jesse/Ellie(the inferior Jellie lol), and rather them instead of Jimash getting together again, but I didn’t really care about them either way.

Imogeli: They had great chemistry and I liked their friendship, but Eli treated Imogen awfully in the first half of season 11 and during their short lived relationship in the second half and I’m glad they realized they were better as friends. I still like them better than Eclare though lol.

Cake: They’re really cute, I didn’t ship them but I had no problem with their relationship, especially after rewatches because I didn’t really like the way Clare was written the first time I watched s11. I hate that the writers hard on for Eclare fucked up this relationship. Even though I didn’t ship them at least they were healthy and happy and Jake was actually a good guy. If they had just broken up then fine it happens but their parents clearly only got married so they couldn’t get back together, so they could go back to Eclare and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Frankston: They were really cute in season 13, but Winston became such a asshole in season 14, first with being the blackmailer (sure he said it was doing it to help Frankie but it just made things worse) and then cheating on her, and with her best friend of all people, and had no intention of telling her and made Lola feel like it was her fault. And then basically calling Frankie crazy for not trusting him right away. The Logan thing I can understand being upset but not only did Frankie not actually cheat but she was actually honest about it. But Winston said what she did was “worse”. Fuck him, it’s not like she planned on falling for Logan who just used her, she was genuinely just trying to be a good friend at first. So yeah I’m glad Frankie didn’t take him back in Next Class, he may have been nicer but she still deserves better.

Zasha: I really like them. I’m glad Zoe found someone who loves her for who she is and has her as a first choice. They’re super sweet and adorable and I’m glad they were endgame. I still wish Gracevas could have happened instead, but at least Zoe was able to find someone after that mess of a storyline.

Mola: I really like them. The only thing I don’t like is Miles cheating on Tristan, and Miles telling her to take the bus was really harsh. And not seeing him reach out after he found out she had an abortion was fucked. I don’t think he meant to hurt her though and he did apologize for how everything happened. But other than that I think Miles and Lola were actually a good match. It was just bad timing. I wish they could have at least talked once in season 4.

Shiny: I really love them. They’re super sweet and adorable together and I’m glad they were written much better in season 4 because I was disappointed how they were written in season 3. I didn’t really expect them to have sex but Tiny was super sweet. I’m glad they were endgame, sadly they probably wouldn’t have been if the show had continued, I guess that’s one good thing about it lol :P

Shawngela: They were adorable! I don’t have many thoughts (I need to rewatch BMW too lol) but I definitely think they were a great match and it’s sad they didn’t get a happy ending, I definitely think they deserved it. One thing I didn’t like though is how they repeatedly compared their relationship to Cory and Topanga, like they were their own relationship they didn’t need to be like anyone else. But other than that I did like them a lot together.

Rucas: They were my favorite GMW ship, they were super adorable and I’m mad the writers neglected their relationship when they finally got together. They wasted so much time on the “triangle” with Maya that was stupid and pointless. Like as much as I loved Rucas the show shouldn’t have revolved around all that, like BMW had two major relationships(3 if you count Cory/Eric’s parents) with a few minor ones here and there that never meant anything, and none of them ever had love triangles (except Cory/Lauren/Topanga but that lasted like 3 episodes and wasn’t dragged on for half a season). I get GMW was geared to a younger audience but it still wasn’t necessary. But I still do like Rucas and still think they’re sweet even though I don’t care about the show anymore.

Charlie/Riley: Weird. Pointless. Unnecessary. Like they are so irrelevant I literally do not even have any other way to describe them lmao.

Drianca: 😍😍😍. My 2nd favorite ship of all time! My babies!!!! I love their build up, their chemistry, how much they love and care about each other and the lengths they went to protect each other ❤️❤️❤️ Drew helped Bianca get her life back on track and was there for her when she had no one. They were always super happy together and SCREW THE WRITERS FOR BREAKING THEM UP. I get people move on and that long distance sometimes puts those things in perspective, but they were doing just fine!!!! Like maybe Alicia couldn’t come back to the show but they were doing long distance just fine. Maybe if they didn’t stretch the seniors year out for 80 years they could have graduated in s13 and they could have been endgame. But nooo they just had to give Drew unnecessary relationships that just dragged down his character!!!! Like Clew was fine but they didn’t even happen for real and then Drew got screwed over by her mistaking the baby as his and ugh!!!! Anyway, I love Drianca so much, everything about them is amazing and they were made for each other ❤️❤️❤️ and they’re back together now the writers can’t do shit about that :)

Zaya: MY BABIES😍😍😍 my first favorite ship of all time! Their build up was AMAZING AND WORTH THE WAIT👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 They have amazing chemistry, a beautiful friendship, they clearly love each other to pieces, they never gave up on each other even when they were with other people, and that gross NC storyline only happened because the writers hated Zig for whatever reason. That never would have happened otherwise!! Zaya is just, beautiful. Season 14 was amazing because of them. Season 4/18 did a great job bringing them back together. I’m sad they didn’t kiss but oh well, WE GOT PROM ZAYA AND CUDDLY ZAYA AND THEY SAID THEY ALWAYS PICTURED GOING TO PROM TOGETHER LIKE 😍😍😍. So yeah fuck the haters ZAYA IS BEAUTIFUL ZAYA IS AMAZING AND ZAYA IS ENDGAME!!!!!

#maya-matlin #answered #long post

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advb16 · 5 years

Text

Would someone please pack some snacks, take me out to the woods, and shoot me? That way I can at least be useful as food.

Hit some serious milestones(?) recently. And I do mean I just drove head-on into some rocks.

Professional

Just hit my 5 year anniversary of passing the bar. That was a real kick in the face because I just started at a new firm, in a new city, in a new practice area, and I feel just as lost and stupid as I did my first day of practice. Except now, I’m too exhausted to give a fuck and learn all this new law.

This is all compounded by learning a new file management system that is THE STUPIDEST THING. I’m not allowed to make any new sub-folders, and there is no consistent naming convention. So got a big case? Need to find that one, crucial piece of discovery? Let’s hope you are a Bolean search MASTER. Oh wait, that still won’t work because the search function is garbage.

Anyway. Interestingly, this is a vast improvement from my old job (small-medium firm, small town, family law). What this has made me realize, more so than ever, that I should not have gone to law school, and I would never do it again. With that said, there’s nothing else I’m good enough at doing to make this kind of money. It’s bloody depressing.

Personal

Tl;dr - boyfriend moved at the speed of light for the first three months. I finally bought in, and decided to really go for it with him, and now he’s backing off.

So. 16 weeks ago we went on our first date. We had a pretty intense, instant connection. Talked about the serious stuff, kids, money, careers, life goals, relationship talk, etc. It was a lot. By the second date he said he had stopped talking to other people on dating apps, and wasn’t seeing anyone else. I was in no way ready to be exclusive, but he kept coming for me. Took me a little over a month to agree to be exclusive. Four weeks later he drops the “I love you.”

Once again, I am stuck being the asshole that has to be all that’s awesome, but I’m not there yet, and I’m not going to lie to you. Which... that fucking sucks. We ended up having a couple freakin’ awesome weekends together, including his birthday weekend (day with his friends, they’re great, then a super chill day with just us, some road tripping, gd magical) and I decided, fuck it. And I say it back. I know I know, “fuck it” doesn’t sound like the right way to go about it, but hear me out.

I was thinking, I have all these feels; maybe it’s love? I haven’t been in a reciprocal, loving relationship in a very long time. He’s doing all the things I want from a partner: communicating, texting me all the time, saying good morning, saying goodnight, very affectionate, great sex (not enough of it, but I guess that’s just being a woman in her 30s dating a man also in his 30s), open about his goals for the relationship and for his life, and open about his struggles. He is seeking a long-term, serious relationship, he has done the emotional growth, or at least started the process, he’s identified those areas where he needs work and is actively tackling those things, he likes his job and has career goals, and he has his finances sorted (he’s not looking for someone to support him). All the things I want, but these alarm bells just keep going off in my head. And keep going off. And keep going off.

Now, I have to give him so much credit because he engages in the hard conversations. Not only engages when I bring stuff up, but also starts them. And I know I’m exhausted with the new job, and when I’m tired, I am... not great. Now, I won’t bore you with the details, but we end up having some very, very, very heavy conversations, and we discovery that we both feel like we’re failing the other person and ourselves. We both feel like we’re walking on eggshells, like we can’t get anything right, and that we can’t really be ourselves with the other person (fucking sucks, right?!). This is followed by the revelation that by maintaining my deep desire to not be a “burden” I had made him feel unwanted. And when he feels unwanted, he doesn’t see a point in being around (fair).

So now we’ve had this groundbreaking discovery: he thinks it’s great that I have needs because then he has a job. Look at that! We’re both getting our needs met! It should also be noted, that I perceive the giving of affection as being needy (I’m a very fucked up person; we’ll leave it at that) which meant his need(s) for affection and attention weren’t being met. So in my efforts to make sure I wasn’t burdening him with all my neediness, I was also denying him the expression of the love I allegedly felt for him. Seems silly now, but it was a seriously eye opening moment for me.

Super exciting, right?! We’re on the same page, everything is awesome, we’re now moving forward together, and we’re totally committed to each other and our relationship.

Sidenote: I feel like now is a good time to mention that he has already brought up marriage, on multiple occasions. First time, was one week after our first date when he sent me a meme about being wife material, then in the text said “replace wife with with GF.” Also, he was married previously; divorced about four years ago. In that same conversation with the wife meme, he invited me to join him four months later at a four-day music festival two states away, during which time I would meet his brother, his sister-in-law and his nieces........

Anyway, we’re stupid happy, and I, like the fool of a Took I am, took him at his word that he was all in, this serious, committed relationship is what he wanted etc and I invited him to an old friend’s wedding that’s in about six weeks. His response? “Oh wow. That’s a lot. That’s huge.” To which I responded, I’m sorry. It’s what now? What did I fucking miss?! Then him, “I’m just kind of freaking out.”

what.the.actual.fuck.

So now all my alarm bells are going off again because why the fuck wouldn’t they?! This motherfucker ran immaculate game to get to a place where he is comfortable, and secure, and doesn’t need to move things forward. In fact, he’s doing exactly what I predicted, and told him I was terrified would happen: I hold out, then as soon as I finally open up and commit, you run away. And look! I was right! Exactly as predicted, right on time.

I made the mistake of rereading the first few weeks of our texts. I know people say things, exaggerate, whatever, at the beginning to look good. They do things that aren’t necessarily sustainable, that will fade over time, and reasonably so! But I feel like I’ve had partners at 3 years deep making more of an effort to engage with me and really check-in with me than he is at 3 months deep. For example, we chatted on the phone earlier for a bit, and the entire conversation was him talking about himself. His only reference to me or my well being was a statement along the lines of, “you must just be working.” I don’t need him to drag things out of me, but I use questions to gauge interest. If someone isn’t asking any questions, it’s a pretty good indicator that they aren’t interested in me much less my well-being or the banalities of my day. So if he’s not making an effort to see me (he’s not a planner, but still), he’s not curious about me, and the prospect of a low-key wedding terrifies him, how much do I really mean to him? Is this relationship what he actually wants, or is it what he’s telling himself he’s supposed to want at this stage of life?

Part of me thinks this could be the love of a lifetime, and I definitely want it to be that. Then that part is challenged by the fact that maybe I’m blinded by the blissful moments because if this chucklefuck is getting cold feet at the idea of going to a friend’s wedding around the 6-month mark of dating (he won’t even be meeting my family) after he’s spent the last three months blowing past relationship milestones at 160 mph, then what the actual fuck?

Mental

This circles back to the end of my professional update.

I have been so fucking depressed. For almost a year now. Got out of a less than healthy relationship, which made things worse for a while because it highlighted some stuff. Got a new job, which is a lot better, but being a lawyer certainly doesn’t help anything. Got a new relationship after dating a lot. And I do mean, a lot.... fuck.... so many first dates. And it’s a good relationship! I mean, when it’s good it is practically perfect, but it has been so much work. I get that anything good requires effort and work, but shit. This has been so heavy from the start.

And it just.... like... why? What am I even doing here? Using clean water and making a giant ass carbon footprint? Just consuming things? I’m not helping. I’m not making the world better. I’m just... here.... and I don’t want to be here. I haven’t wanted to be here for a very long time. My suicidal ideation keeps getting worse. I’ve brought it up to my therapist, but he isn’t super concerned. To be fair to him, I haven’t been completely honest about the severity.... I know! I know... But I can’t stand the thought of disappointing him. We’ve made such incredible progress, and how annoying must I be to come back like, yeah, I beat my night terrors, I beat the cancer, I got the job, got the boy, and I have more than enough of everything, but let me just be a whiny bitch about the meaning of life real quick.

The last couple days have been extra difficult because my platonic life partner, and for the last three years roommate, just moved out. A few months ago I had a full plan. Everything laid out, ready to go, even got halfway through, then stopped because I knew she’d be the one to find me, and I couldn’t do that to her.

Nothing looks the way I thought it would at 32. I’m glad it doesn’t look like what I thought it would at 20, but shit. Even at 30 looking towards 32, it didn’t look like this. It wasn’t this bleak. It didn’t feel this pointless.

I have no idea why I’m putting this on the internet. I think tumblr is the most appropriate place for this kind of into the void scream/crying, so here you go. It also helps to know that no one will read this.

#personal #wtf is going on #i should be happy

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rifki16 · 5 years

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Subliminal Duress of Being in a Relationship

So, I came across this video titled “Brittani Louise Taylor - ALL SCENES in Shane Dawson Conspiracy Part 2″. It’s a fan-edit video about the most recent Dawson’s conspiracy video in which Dawson talked about the Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza and his friend, Taylor, stories.

I watched the aforementioned video fully, without any kind of interruptions. I had my doubts about Dawson’s opinions on social-psychological events, since the “Paul Brothers” documentaries he made. But then I thought to myself, let me give him a chance.

My preconceived notion about the video progressed as I consumed the video. After 6 or 7 minutes into the video, I was fully aware that either Taylor’s ex-fiancée was abusive, the loosely-defined word sociopath, or both. Halfway through, I became fully aware that the problem is way worse than Domestic Abuse problems. After Taylor said about the abnormal behaviours of her ex-fiancée's “mum” of always holding Taylor’s newborn son and how she always calls the newly born son as her own, I just grasped that this is a human trafficking attempt story.

Before I give my opinion, let me be very clear. I’m not in any way trying to put myself above Taylor or see myself detached from the problem which I’m about to say in the analysis section of this post. I’m super glad that Taylor and her son can have a relatively happy life. And they can always count on my wishes to some deity creatures somewhere so that they can always be protected from any kind of harms.

Here’s my take on the underlying issue

My first reaction to the video was, shit, I’ve been taking my time as a single person for granted.

The idea of Tinder or OkCupid or Grindr, you name it, is that you’re increasing your chances of meeting “the one”. I just realized that this goal is a problem.

There is no such urgency for meeting “the one”, or “settling down”. You don’t need to have that relationship to self actualize yourself and enjoy your life. You don’t need a second person to live yourself to the fullest.

Of course, dating apps are not the only ones which must be blamed for our obsession to be in a romantic relationship. As someone who is living around people who hold on to dogmatic beliefs on what god is or what god wants, I understand that this shit is very deep.

Religion has been promoting monogamous, mostly, relationships since its conception, be it making the practice compulsory or how the practice must be done (see Living and Loving “Decent”: Religion and Relationship Quality among Urban Parents). The teachings may have made sense. If children-bearing females live without a financial supporter, the males, in the times when social safety nets created by the state haven’t existed yet, society can’t move forward since their offsprings, their futures will be cut off from reaching adulthood let alone being a capable adult. Then, when the secular institutions involved themselves with religion, visceral punishments are entangled to religious instructions on how a relationship must be. Those involvements made the dogma taught not only in “place of worships” but also through the primary social agents, the parents and family members. With god being the patron saint of anything of what should be “right”, the masses have become convinced more and more that being obsequious towards god is the only way that they can live in a good place. Including god’s instructions on relationships.

Secular sectors are not without guilt. When the Reinassance era came along, this idea of a relationship was romanticized. People tried to draw higher values of un-animalistic and novel ideas which separate us from animals about relationships. Romantic feelings became the base of a relationship. However, rather than identifying it as an abstract concept, they tried to ground the concept to certain qualities which they thought are tangible enough for them to observe and call as “love”. When the Industrial Revolution came along, this concept was seen as a lucrative and profit-making concept. And those capital owners rushed to make piles and piles of cash off of it, through products and subliminal systemic advertisements.

That was when the secular and religious-dogmatic institutions fused. At times when people have moved away from the magicians’ empty promises, they were given alternatives of how to reach that satisfaction of life by secular institutions. Those ideas of “we are nothing without our halves” became embedded in our society regardless of how you choose to live your life. Society affirmed again and again on how it’s irregular, to say the least, of not being in a relationship. And this is an even much worse problem for female people, which I cannot justly put in a combined post here.

The concept of romantic feelings which are seen as the height of human sophistication crystallized to people how unfulfilled they are if they don’t have a romantic partner. And the idea that we only have one chance of living happily with our romantic partner made a sense of urgency for having a romantic partner ASAP. Combined with people who still have religious dogma hanging over their heads, the mob mentality of being with your halves make fresh grounds for people to push to increase the chance of meeting “the one”.

We shouldn’t be living like this. Being an independent person and living your best life shouldn’t be “a last resort option”. Having great friends and healthy social relationships should not be insufficient just because you don’t have a monogamous partner. Heck, even if you have a romantic partner, you should’ve known who you, yourself, really are rather than being sucked into their dicksand (from the film How to be Single). Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAZhPHH90AE.

And this is when I put the video as a real symptom of where we are as a society. I’d like to argue that we should not be giving leeways for human traffickers to exploit a self-made psychological problem of our society. I’m not in any way saying that Taylor is a desperate person who chronically desired a romantic partner, which her ex-fiancée may have exploited many of such cases. But I’m saying that the urgency to be with someone imminently have become the normal that we’d do anything to increase our chance to meet that person.

Ya know, maybe I should delete my tinder account. And really find me.

P.S.

Of course, these dating apps have done their best to eradicate this human traffickers problem, and I commend them for it. However, that is not the aspect which I criticized

#societal problems #shane dawson #brittani taylor

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nationalservice · 6 years

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City Year AmeriCorps Alum Changes Lives and Inspires Achievement

By Tatiana Johnson, City Year Headquarters

“Hello, I’m Mr. Johnson and I am going to invest in you as much as you want me to.” This is how Le’otis Boswell-Johnson introduced himself to Devin*, an eighth-grade student at The Leadership Academies at Eugene J. Butler Middle School, on the first day of school.

Though Devin was one of the many students that Boswell-Johnson worked with as a City Year AmeriCorps member in Jacksonville, Fla., the two developed a special bond while Le’otis served as a tutor, mentor, role model, and friend to the young man during the past year.

When Boswell-Johnson first met Devin, the student was disengaged in the classroom and struggled with his English language arts coursework. As Le’otis began to build a connection with Devin, the student’s grades improved and his confidence grew.

When asked about his relationship with Boswell-Johnson, Devin said proudly, "He changed my life." Le’otis says that he always believed Devin could be successful—the student just needed to realize it for himself.

A Commitment to Student Success

Boswell-Johnson’s impact on Devin is just one example of how City Year AmeriCorps members are committed to student success. In recognition of Le’otis’ service to his school, students, and community, he earned the 2018 Eli. J. Segal Bridge Builder Award, which honors one outstanding City Year AmeriCorps member every year for their commitment to building healthy communities through service and embodying the program’s values.

Boswell-Johnson’s manager Lindsay Rose said that Le'otis is "a model AmeriCorps member whose influence on his team is profound."

In her letter of nomination for the Bridge Builder Award, Rose wrote that she and those who have had the privilege to work with Le'otis "believe that he will continue to inspire people of all ages, working with everlasting energy towards social change” and “truly embodying City Year's value: service to a cause greater than self."

Passion for Creating Change

Le'otis joined City Year Jacksonville with a passion for creating change, giving voice to the voiceless, and dismantling barriers for social justice. The Florida State University graduate will start his pursuit of a law degree this fall at the Thurgood Marshall School of Law at Texas Southern University to change policies that continue to affect all people of color, especially men.

"From the juvenile system policy reform to deconstructing the school-to-prison pipeline, I want to make a change,” said Boswell-Johnson. “I want to change the statistic that now states that there's a one-third chance for black men to be in jail in their lifetime."

Le'otis' commitment to dismantling oppression led him to help establish a non-profit in 2016 called Sons of Sophistication (SOS). The organization recruits mentors in Tallahassee and connects them to young black men, particularly those who have experienced trauma and need mental-health support, to help them find community and a space to work through healing.

“When I work with my students, through SOS or City Year, I am very transparent with them,” Le’otis said. “I’ve come from their communities. I’ve been through some of things they've been through. I let them know that I’m there to help prepare them to move forward. I give them the attention they need and I’m ‘real’ with them. When kids are open, they can tell us the truth but they also expect the truth from us."

When asked what motivates him to serve, Boswell-Johnson talks about his students.

"My kids motivate me to be my best self,” said Le’otis. “When they don't have anyone else, they have us—sometimes kids just need to reflect and debrief their day. I don’t take credit for their greatness, but I'm glad to be there."

If you know a young person who is ready for the challenge to help students achieve their potential while growing as a leader, City Year AmeriCorps is now accepting applications for the 2019-2020 academic year.

#AmeriCorps #City Year #GetThingsDone #MakeBetterHappen #GapYear #National Service #Tutoring #Mentoring #Tutor #Mentor #Education #K12

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your-dietician · 3 years

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From Depressed to Living a Happy Life: Ciera's Story

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/from-depressed-to-living-a-happy-life-cieras-story/

From Depressed to Living a Happy Life: Ciera's Story

Comments: 0 | June 13th, 2019

Dr. Hotze and his special guest, Ciera Kizerian, discuss her journey from depression to living a happy life again. After her first child was born, Ciera experienced severe depression and intense self-loathing. Thanks to the staff at Hotze Health & Wellness Center, Ciera is now living a healthy, vibrant, productive life with her husband and 3 children, while helping others through her podcast called Light Through the Dark.

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Podcast Transcription:

Stacey: Welcome to Dr. Hotze’s Wellness Revolution. I’m Stacey Bandfield here with Dr. Steven Hotze, founder of the Hotze Health & Wellness Center. As always, you can find our podcasts on hotzehwc.com. That’s H-O-T-Z-E-H-W-C.com.

Stacey: We have a really great inspirational story for you today. One of our guests, Ciera, is going to be talking about how she was pretty much at the very bottom and how she climbed her way back up to the top, and how she is helping other people find their way, as well. Here is Dr. Hotze and Ciera.

Dr. Hotze: Thank you, Stacey, and thank each one of you for joining us today on Dr. Hotze’s Wellness Revolution. You know, I believe that you and everybody needs a doctor and a staff of professionals who can coach you on the path of health and wellness naturally, so that you have a life-changing transforming health experience here at the Hotze Health & Wellness Center. That’s what we offer.

And the reason we do this is because we believe that as you age, you ought to be full of energy. You ought to have vitality in your life and be brimming with enthusiasm, no matter if you’re 30 or 70 or 80. You ought to have those qualities – energy, vitality, and enthusiasm. And so we do that here at the Hotze Health & Wellness Center. We help get you on that path. We coach you onto the path of health and wellness so you could have that life-changing experience, because my philosophy is this: I believe if you’re alive, you ought to feel alive, right? Why be part of the walking-wounded or half-dead? Enjoy life, be full of energy, and that’s what we help you do here at the Hotze Health & Wellness Center.

And I want to give you a great example of that. Most people think, “Well, you know, people don’t really start having problems until they get older and I don’t need to do anything about my problems. I’m young now. I’m 30 or 40 or 50, and I’ll wait until I have some problems.” An once of prevention is worth a pound of cure. That’s an old adage, thousands of years old. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

We have with us today a guest of ours who’s been a guest since 2017, Ciera Kizerian. Ciera is a, what, 27-year-old woman?

Ciera Kizerian: How old am I? I’m 28 now.

Dr. Hotze: 8, a young…

Ciera Kizerian: I shouldn’t…

Dr. Hotze: …woman. 28-years-old, came to see us when she was 26. So, Ciera, welcome to the program. Glad to have you…

Ciera Kizerian: Thank you.

Dr. Hotze: …on board here, dear.

Ciera Kizerian: Happy to be here.

Dr. Hotze: Glad to have you here. And you have such a wonderful and remarkable story. Why don’t you start and tell us where you’re from, where you grew up? Where are you from?

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, I grew up in Dallas, Texas, and…

Dr. Hotze: That’s near Fort Worth, isn’t it?

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah.

Dr. Hotze: I like to tell Dallas people that.

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah.

Dr. Hotze: So you grew up in Dallas. And how did you end up down here in Houston?

Ciera Kizerian: My husband’s work brought us down here a couple of years ago.

Dr. Hotze: Okay. Now did you go off to school? You go to college?

Ciera Kizerian: I did, yeah. My husband and I met at Brigham Young University.

Dr. Hotze: Oh, that’s wonderful.

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah!

Dr. Hotze: I just came back, yesterday, from Salt Lake City.

Ciera Kizerian: Oh, awesome.

Dr. Hotze: Isn’t that great?

Ciera Kizerian: It’s beautiful.

Dr. Hotze: And I went up to…we went and saw the Salt Lake Tabernacle, where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang.

Ciera Kizerian: Yes. They are so talented.

Dr. Hotze: Yeah, and that was built in 1868, and it is…man, the acoustics in there are just…

Ciera Kizerian: Incredible.

Dr. Hotze: …phenomenal. And of course, the temple was across the street, and it was wonderful. It was a wonderful time, and Utah’s a…

Ciera Kizerian: Oh…

Dr. Hotze: …beautiful, beautiful state, and all around Salt Lake City, the mountains that are still covered with snow…

Ciera Kizerian: Oh…

Dr. Hotze: It was wonderful.

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, I love…

Dr. Hotze: And the flowers?

Ciera Kizerian: …Utah.

Dr. Hotze: Oh my goodness. Just incredible. So anyway, you went to Brigham Young, and then what kind of work is your husband in?

Ciera Kizerian: He is an entrepreneur. We call ourselves “serial entrepreneurs.”

Dr. Hotze: Well, what is he doing right now? What kind of work is he doing?

Ciera Kizerian: So we both, actually, are working on a project called “Light Through the Dark,” and it’s to help people that are dealing with anxiety and depression know how to come out of it and get the resources they need to get better. And then also it helps those who are the support system for those struggling to know what to do to help the person, and have it not be damaging, but to be helpful. So we’re building…I don’t know what you’d call it, an effort, right now, to try to help people dealing with that.

Dr. Hotze: That’s wonderful. And this, really, is an outshoot of what happened to you, in your life, and your coming through Hotze Health & Wellness Center. So tell us, you have three children now, right?

Ciera Kizerian: As of one month ago, I have three children, yes.

Dr. Hotze: That’s great. So tell us what your health experience was like growing up. Did you have health problems?

Ciera Kizerian: No. I mean, not any mental health problems at all. I had asthma growing up, but other than that, mentally, I’ve always been described as someone that was optimistic and happy, a go-getter. I definitely ran at a hundred-plus speed every day, and would…

Dr. Hotze: You were a live wire.

Ciera Kizerian: …be myself, yes. Live wire, exactly.

Dr. Hotze: And so when did that change?

Ciera Kizerian: So after my daughter was born in 2014, about six weeks later, I noticed that I just started feeling this oppressive heaviness. I had a really good relationship with my husband, but he said to me, “I literally can’t do anything right around you right now.” And I was like…

Dr. Hotze: Any guy ever felt that way before, huh?

Ciera Kizerian: And that keyed me in of, “Oh, you’re right, something’s off right now.” I was getting really irritable, I was starting to have a lot of brain fog. I just didn’t feel myself. And then I started having all these crazy symptoms and realized that I was developing depression really bad. And this wasn’t something I’d ever experienced beforehand. Again, these…

Dr. Hotze: And then you were how old? It was five years ago, so…

Ciera Kizerian: 24. I was 24.

Dr. Hotze: 24, okay.

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, and…

Dr. Hotze: So what did you do about it?

Ciera Kizerian: So I went and talked to my OB at six weeks, and they put me on some antidepressants, and they said, “Oh, but it’ll take a while for it to kick in.” So that was a really hard winter. Everything was just so new to me, all these emotions, all these feelings that I never experienced before. And it was just a really, really dark and hard place for me.

It took a while for the medicine to kick in, and then I felt kind of felt up, not totally like I had before, but well enough where I was able to function. And then, a year later, it just flipped a switch, and, when I started my cycle again for the first time after having my daughter, and I hit a low that I didn’t know was possible.

And that’s when I first experienced suicidal ideation, and where I started just feeling like everyone would be better off without me. And really had intense self-loathing, which I had never, ever, ever experienced. And I couldn’t interact with anyone. If I went out, if I went to church, or wherever I was going, it was like I was watching the clock the entire time to be able to just leave, and escape, and go back to my closet where I could just get in that hole and just want to just be done with everything. It was not me at all. And it was very hard, and…

Dr. Hotze: And you were taking medication, antidepressant medication at that time, right?

Ciera Kizerian: Yup. And I saw a psychiatrist, and I got even more medication. They upped it to the highest amount that I could be on for the antidepressants. I got put on antipsychotic medication three times a day, anti-anxiety medication three times a day, and even with that, was still having these battles with…

Dr. Hotze: Does this sound familiar?

Ciera Kizerian: …fighting suicide.

Dr. Hotze: I have heard this story…if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it thousands of times. Now, the conventional doctors take an individual like Ciera, and I’m sure they did blood work on you before they started this, and said, “Well, your blood work’s normal,” right?

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah.

Dr. Hotze: “Your blood work’s normal, so you must be depressed.” You are, and they put her on all these antidepressant medications, anti-anxiety medication, antipsychotic medication, and you didn’t get better, and they kept bumping it up.

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah.

Dr. Hotze: Frankly, I just think that’s criminal. And these ought to be banned, and these doctors should be reported to the medical board, and their license should be removed, because they destroy people’s lives. I feel really strongly about this. I’ve seen so many people like Ciera, and we’re not going to talk about what happened.

And this is so simple to resolve. I’ve written books about it. You know, all these psychiatrists ought to read my books, and figure out what to do to help women when they start coming in…and men, too, when they begin to have these sort of problems.

So you ended up having another baby. Were you on antidepressants at the time when you did?

Ciera Kizerian: No, so that’s my miracle baby. I was on all that medication starting in two thousand and…

Dr. Hotze: Fourteen.

Ciera Kizerian: Well, the antidepressants, but then when I saw…that was what the OB put me on.

Dr. Hotze: Right.

Ciera Kizerian: Then the psychiatrist on all the other stuff in…it was three years ago, so 2016. Like, May 2016. So then I came to the Hotze Health & Wellness Center in May 2017, and did the yeast-free diet, and was feeling really good, and started coming off of the…not everything, because I wanted to have another baby, but again, there’s no way I could’ve.

Dr. Hotze: Before you come…I’m looking right here. It’s your first appointment, and we have the reasons for the appointment: “anxiety, panic attacks, low moods. Wants to be able to get off the medication, have another baby, low energy, brain fog, lightheadedness, hoarseness, severe constipation.” These are some classical features that we see in people that have hypothyroidism. Were you having difficulty with weight, too?

Ciera Kizerian: t that point, I was so depressed I just wasn’t eating, really, at all. And so my mother-…

Dr. Hotze: You did…

Ciera Kizerian: …in-law came out just to see me, ’cause she said, “Ciera, you are getting way too thin, and we’re going to lose you.”

Dr. Hotze: But you had problems, then, with brain fog, with poor sleep, and…

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, I mean, I never had my phone on me. My grandparents were calling my parents and saying, “Can you please tell Ciera to answer her phone? They were getting offended and upset with me, and it was causing family problems ’cause I could never find my phone. And I would leave my wallet and my purse just on the driveway, and I would walk into a room be like, “Why am I here?”

And I hear my grandma telling me that, “Oh, I’m just…I forget my purse everywhere.” I’m like, “Yeah, I’m right there with you, grandma.” Except we have a big age gap, and I shouldn’t be feeling like a grandma in my mid-twenties. Nuts, and…

Dr. Hotze: So you came into the Health & Wellness Center.. How did you find out about us, by the way?

Ciera Kizerian: A friend referred me, and told me. Actually, she told me about it in the fall, but I was just too bad to really help myself, and she then told my husband about six months later, and he’s the one that got the ball…

Dr. Hotze: Encouraged you to get here, right.

Ciera Kizerian: …and helped me come here, yeah.

Dr. Hotze: So when you came in, you saw Dr. Ellsworth, and he put you on the yeast-free eating program, and he put you on some thyroid medication. He also gave you some natural female hormones, progesterone, to help you with your menstrual cycles, because it was obvious that your problems were hormonal, because it happened after childbirth.

This is not uncommon at all. A woman will feel fine, have her first baby, and then all of a sudden they crash, and their hormones don’t kick back in right. Remember, during pregnancy, the hormones that a woman has in her body are made by the placenta, which belongs to the baby. And so, when the baby’s delivered, and the placenta follows, there’s a dramatic fall in the naturally-occurring hormones of pregnancy, and her ovaries have been shut off, and they have to turn back on.

And if they don’t turn back on right, and she doesn’t have adequate amount of female hormones, and they don’t balance out, she’s going to have a host of symptoms. I mean, there are all these symptoms that we talked about. The fatigue, low body temperature, can’t think clearly, poor sleep, constipation…Oftentimes women have problems with weight gain. She didn’t because she was so depressed she didn’t even want to eat, and if you don’t eat, you’re not going to gain weight, obviously. So what happens to these women, then they end up going to see your conventional doctor, like Ciera did, and what do they do? Immediately slap them on some SSRI antidepressant. That’s a…SSRI is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. It inhibits the uptake, in your brain, of a neurotransmitter called serotonin.

Well, guess what? And this was Lexapro you were on, but there are other SSRI antidepressants, like Prozac and Effexor and Paxil, just to name a few, Cymbalta and others. And these are all SSRI, or they’re reuptake inhibitors, with the idea that if we don’t let the body reuptake the serotonin in the brain, and it just floats around, you’re going to feel better, which is not the case.

The case, in your case, in fact, it made you worse, and they gave you more drugs. And you just got drugged up, and what it does is it flattens the entire affect. It takes away who you are so you don’t have any feelings anymore. You don’t feel sad, you don’t feel good, you don’t cry…

Ciera Kizerian: Apathetic.

Dr. Hotze: You’re apathetic about life.

Ciera Kizerian: Numbness, you feel this…

Dr. Hotze: Right.

Ciera Kizerian: …total numbness. Like, I would love to feel happy right now, I would love to just feel anything right now, but you just feel empty inside.

Dr. Hotze: The SSRI antidepressants are a knock off of cocaine. Cocaine is a reuptake inhibitor. It blocks the reuptake of serotonin and of dopamine. It’s a neurotransmitter reuptake inhibitor. If you look at the molecular structure of the SSRI antidepressants, they’re almost identical to cocaine. They’re highly addictive, it’s hard to get off of them, there are terrible withdrawal symptoms, and it’s a way, basically, that drug companies get people to be addicts and take the drugs the rest of their lives.

Nobody has depression because they have low levels of antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication in their body. Nobody. If you’re having problems with moods that are roller coaster moods, they’re up and down, or you’re depressed, or you’re having anxiety attacks or panic attacks, that’s not caused because you lacked some pharmaceutical drug. It is primarily going to be a result, and almost 90% of the cases, it’s going to be a result of hormone decline and imbalance, which can be easily corrected.

So I know that Dr. Ellsworth put you on some thyroid medication, right? He put you on some female hormones, natural progesterone, got you eating right, put you on some vitamins and minerals. And how long did it take you to begin to notice any difference?

Ciera Kizerian: Oh, I wanted to cry when I started feeling…it was, I think, within two weeks of taking those that I was feeling up and feeling myself. I was able to…I’m a photographer, and I was able to go on a trip by myself for a photo shoot in Greece. Just, like, in August of that year, which…

Dr. Hotze: And you came in when?

Ciera Kizerian: In May. So within…

Dr. Hotze: So within two or three months, you were…

Ciera Kizerian: I was able to…whereas before, I’m stuck in my closet, I can’t interact with anyone. Within a couple months, I’m getting on a place by myself, I’m flying across the ocean first time by myself. I’m exploring Greece. Like, wow, that’s a huge difference…

Dr. Hotze: Sure.

Ciera Kizerian: And I remember, when I was there in Greece, I was on this catamaran, and we’re snorkeling, and I was swimming, and I was in the ocean, and I remember just having the water flow through my hair, and I just thanked God that I could enjoy life again. It was a moment for me where I was like, “Wow, this is worth living. I don’t feel what I’ve felt for years of just wanting to be gone, because it was just too painful to be alive.”

Where, with depression, when you have really severe depression, you feel so low that death seems up, it seems like a welcomed option because of how horrible you feel. And for me to be there, and to just love that moment, and love how I felt, it was priceless.

Dr. Hotze: That’s wonderful.

Ciera Kizerian: Thanks.

Dr. Hotze: A wonderful story, all that. So how long did it take you to get off the antidepressants?

Ciera Kizerian: So I am…I started trying to get off November of 2017, and it took me about three months. Dr. Ellsworth was really good at helping me get off of it, and helping me to understand the withdrawal symptoms, and that whole process. And helped me find this great book that he recommended, “The Antidepressant Solution.”

Dr. Hotze: …Solution.”

Ciera Kizerian: Wow, that book is…I’m like, “This is the bible for anyone that has been on antidepressants.”

Dr. Hotze: It’s by Dr. Glenmullen, “The…

Ciera Kizerian: Incredible.

Dr. Hotze: …Antidepressant Solution.”

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, that really helped me a lot, to just know what I was coming up against, and what to expect, and how to come down, and I had to come down really slowly. But I had this goal of, “I want to have another baby.” I just, when we first got married, I was like, “We’re having six kids. Here we go.” But once this depression kicked in, it really changed a lot of things in our life of what reality would actually look like.

But I did still want to have one more. And so we came…about three months, the withdrawal reactions were miserable, like you said, and I was coming down so slowly. It was a really rough time for our family, trying to go through that, but then I was able to get off of it in, probably March, I was totally done with them, and it had been…

Dr. Hotze: March of ’18.

Ciera Kizerian: …some time. March, 2018.

Dr. Hotze: Right.

Ciera Kizerian: And then I got pregnant in July of 2018, which is like nothing short of a miracle. I had been looking into adoption and all these other things of how I could somehow still have this baby, knowing I might never be able to get off this medication. I might not ever be able to feel better, like way before, but then coming here and then learning about all this stuff, it made me feel like I could not only come off of it, but be able to be a good mom, which is not what I had felt beforehand, at all.

Dr. Hotze: Well, this is really, really remarkable. And wonderful. And first, I want to congratulate you for doing a 180 and taking charge of your health, and not just resigning yourself to being on drugs the rest of your life. And you can imagine what that would’ve done for your husband. I know you’re a woman of faith, and your husband is, too, and thank God, it’s to your husband’s credit that he stood by you.

Ciera Kizerian: Oh, he has said, and I have said, this could have resulted, for so many people, in divorces…

Dr. Hotze: In divorce. Oh, this happens all the time.

Ciera Kizerian: …or your kids having a lot of issues with you long-term. All these things, like…I’m so grateful that we had fought for me, because if we had just said, “This is just our new normal, this is just how things are going to be,” we never would have tried to get in that hustle and literally fight. And it was a fight every day, because you have to fight to eat the right way, you have to fight to make the changes that are needed.

And I talked to him, and now with the Light Through the Dark stuff, and talked to people now that are like, “Yeah, my kids don’t have a good relationship with me, and our family is estranged, because when they were younger I dealt with these things, and I never addressed it. And I thought that this was just my normal, and just accepted that this is my MO for life.”

Or they get divorces. I have another friend who, he’s like, “I didn’t realize I was dealing with depression and anxiety all these years.” And yet he would have these big blowups with his spouse, and she’s couldn’t…she was like, “I don’t want my kids in that environment.” Really, it was he needed more support and more help with his mental health to be able to not have these triggers set off the irritability, and the panic.

Dr. Hotze: And so this is…your new business venture is entitled what?

Ciera Kizerian: Light Through the Dark.

Dr. Hotze: Light Through the Dark. And so how can somebody look at the podcast that you’re doing, and the YouTube videos, how do they do that?

Ciera Kizerian: You can just look up “Light Through the Dark” on YouTube, or whatever. And the main goal of it is really…

Dr. Hotze: So type in YouTube, ‘light through the dark.’ And how about on podcasts, what do they do?

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, same thing. It’s called Light Through the Dark.

Dr. Hotze: Light Through the Dark on a podcast, and you can hear Ciera, she talks about these various issues that people have with mental depression, and anxiety, and panic attacks, and these things that are affecting them…she helps individuals that are having those problems. And then she interviews other people that have had problems, and as a matter of fact, we’re going to do an interview…later today, I’m going to do a podcast for Ciera, and we’ll talk about these things. Well, Ciera, this is a wonderful story…

Ciera Kizerian: Thank you.

Dr. Hotze: Now let me ask you, on a scale of zero to ten, ten being “brimming with energy,” when you first came in, what was your energy level?

Ciera Kizerian: Oh! Zero? Like, I just…I had no energy.

Dr. Hotze: At 26 years old. No energy.

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah, no, I’d wake up and feel exhausted, and I would be so tired I needed to take a nap, but I knew that if I, for whatever reason, I’d wake up and just have gripping anxiety. So bad it felt like someone had chains and cords around me, and I would just be stuck in that anxiety for at least an hour, where I couldn’t get up, because it was so gripping and so bad. And couldn’t talk to anyone, couldn’t reach out and be like, “Help me get out of bed.” And then, it was just multiple naps during the day. Never feeling…

Dr. Hotze: So…

Ciera Kizerian: Yeah.

Dr. Hotze: How would you describe your energy level now, your overall moods, on a scale of zero to ten? Now you just had a baby, here, six weeks ago, didn’t you?

Ciera Kizerian: I just had a baby, and I mean, I need a nap a day, but sometimes…and that’s usually because I stayed up too late watching Netflix with my husband and then was up with the baby again in the night, but on the days when I’m not watching a show, it’s not anything outside of what I felt as a teenager. Or, actually, I feel like I feel better. I keep telling everyone, like, “Wow, I feel like I should be having a much harder time with having a newborn than I actually am,” but I actually do have a lot more energy right now than I did with everything before…even though I should not have as much, having a newborn.

Dr. Hotze: Right.

Ciera Kizerian: I don’t know if that’s making sense, but…

Dr. Hotze: And I know this is important, and I talked to you about it, and I asked you if you had started on progesterone, and you just started on it yesterday. This is six weeks after the birth. If I had of known about you having…that you’re pregnant, I would have made sure, like I did with my five daughters, the day after they had their baby, they were on progesterone. And none of our daughters, out of our five daughters and we have 23 grandkids, none of them even had the baby blues. They never had any depression.

But that’s because progesterone levels dropped dramatically. They’re very, very high at the end of pregnancy. The placenta makes huge amounts of progesterone, they’re many times what you would normally experience. And when the placenta’s delivered, there’s a precipitous drop in progesterone, and that’s what leads to the problems with depression.

Also, low thyroid can lead to the problem with depression, also. Thyroid can be adversely affected when the hormones fall, that puts you in a state of estrogen dominance, and that adversely affects the thyroid, so now that we have you on progesterone, you’re going to be feeling back, just on top of your game again.

Ciera Kizerian: Well, I’m really grateful that this pregnancy, I had the bioidentical hormone therapy, because as soon as I found out I was pregnant, that morning I called the nurses here, and they said, “Okay, well, let’s have you have this much progesterone, so we can protect the pregnancy.”

Dr. Hotze: Right.

Ciera Kizerian: And went through that until I was, like, 14 weeks pregnant. And that was really helpful for me, because I had had miscarriages before, and obviously had worked so hard to get pregnant…

Dr. Hotze: How many miscarriages had you had?

Ciera Kizerian: Sorry, I had had one before my daughter. And my mom had a history of miscarriages, and…

Dr. Hotze: Which is a classical feature of hypothyroidism. Infertility and miscarriages are classical features of low thyroid that doesn’t show up in your blood. It’s not how much thyroid you have in your blood, it’s how much thyroid you have in your cells, and that can only be diagnosed by a clinical history.

So I believe that everybody that has the clinical symptoms of hypothyroidism, no matter what their blood test shows, deserves a therapeutic trial of thyroid hormones to see how they do. And it usually does remarkable for them.

Well, Ciera, congratulations on your success, and I wish you every success as you work on Light Through the Dark, this effort to help individuals overcome their depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. Thank you for joining us, and…

Ciera Kizerian: Thank you.

Dr. Hotze: Thank each one of you for joining us today, on Dr. Hotze’s Wellness Revolution. You remember, this is what I believe. I believe that while liberals are getting high, conservatives should get healthy so we can make America great again. If you want to get yourself on a path to health and wellness, if you’ve experienced symptoms that Ciera has , if you’re a young woman, you don’t have to wait till you’re 50 to come in and suffer on antidepressants on 20 to 30 years in your life, you can get yourself on a path to health and wellness now, by taking charge of your life, doing a 180.

Dr. Hotze: Give us a call at Hotze Health & Wellness Center at (281) 698-8698, and we’ll be glad to set up a complimentary consultation for you, and partner with you so that you can get you on a path to health and wellness and help you have a life-changing health transformation, so you have energy, you have vitality, and you have enthusiasm again for your life.

Thanks for joining us today. God bless you.

We Can Help

Can you relate to Ciera’s experience? Take our symptom checker to find out if your symtpoms could be caused by hormone decline and imbalance.

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freedomsoapbox · 6 years

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Dear “Moderate” Liberal Millennial Christians: It’s Time To Pick A Side

I went to a conservative Christian high school. Most of my friends from high school are Christian. It may surprise you to learn that many of them are liberal Democrats or Democrat sympathizers, though if you yourself went to a Christian high school this may not surprise you at all.

It’s no secret that many Americans who claim to be Christian are liberal Democrats. But I mention the phenomenon of graduates from Christian high schools being (often becoming sometime during their senior year if my suspicions and experience are any indication) openly liberal to highlight the known fact that even conservative Christian institutions are producing, attracting, and harboring liberal activists.

I say “liberal activists” because, in my generation at least, there is no other type of liberal. Donald Trump’s election has resulted in what few of them were not openly political effectively being conscripted into The Resistance. Most of those millennial liberals who went to my high school are not as extreme as the stereotypical college feminist. They don’t talk about “safe spaces”, they don’t sympathize with Antifa (at least not openly), and most will be careful not to be seen defending Planned Parenthood too loudly. Their activism is mostly restricted to Facebook, just like most activism from liberals and conservatives alike seems to be restricted to Facebook.

But being friends on Facebook is enough to know which side they have picked. And as moderate as they may try to appear, they have picked a side. A few shared memes, liked posts, etc. communicate that they are members of The Resistance, even if they are only part of the reserve force.

I have also been able to intuit what they tend to think of the group comprised of me and the other students from my high school who chose to remain, or even become, conservative Christians. Now I want to make it clear that none of these liberal classmates have ever individually disrespected or mistreated me, and I have good relationships with most of them. But as a whole, they view us as relatively intelligent peers who have simply not been fortunate enough to break away from the mental shackles imposed on us by our church denomination through our parents and the conservative faculty at our high school. I could picture their collective advice to us being something like “Dr. Peterson (made up name of our Dean of Students) isn’t here anymore to fine you for not wearing a belt. You need to take some of what they taught us at that school with a grain of salt.”

That’s not to say I think all of them necessarily thought the strict dress code at our school was a bad thing, but the point is that our high school was very conservative, had its share of nonsense and bullshit from the administration, and in general they are kind of glad to be away from it. Well, I know for a fact that I and several other of my conservative peers are glad to be away from that place as well, but liberal millennials tend to view themselves as supporting characters in a real-life dystopian story, and it is clear that these liberal graduates view our Alma Mater as being beholden to the conservative dystopia that is currently headed but not entirely controlled by Donald Trump. And as for their classmates who also remain beholden to this dystopia, we’re kind of like that kid in the terrible movie Dead Poets Society who ratted out the Society to the school administration and got Mr. Keating fired, not because he really wanted to but simply because the agents of the dystopia convinced him that it was the right thing against his better judgement. They, on the other hand, are standing on their desks, and they are trying to convince us that it’s alright to do so.

This dynamic is not unique to alumni from Christian high schools. It is the same attitude with which many of the more “moderate” liberals of all age groups regard their conservative friends. It’s not that we’re bad people, it’s just that we don’t get it. It is the same attitude conveyed a little more condescendingly in articles like this, which explains a study that purports to demonstrate that being a steadfast conservative is often reducible to having stronger primal self-preservation instincts than liberals. If you want to drop the clinical facade and judge the article as the propaganda piece that it clearly is, what the author is really saying is that conservatives in middle America, by and large, are at best the unfortunate victims of repressed mild emotional trauma from our parents never letting us leave the house alone until age 13 for fear of kidnapping, and at worst atavists whose genetically predetermined responses to stimuli are more fitting for societies of a more, ahem, simple state of development. But don’t worry, society needs folks who possess such mindstates as well, after all the root of such attitudes is a healthy drive for safety and prudence (wink wink).

You see the liberals in my friend circles, especially liberal Christians who went to my high school, like to share articles like this on social media. They will also, without directly addressing us conservative peers, delineate on how such findings relate to the rise of Nazism and other hyper-nationalist movements in a manner that they no doubt think is erudite.

First of all, as a quick aside, I’d like to address this narrative of the rise of Nazism. Someone needs to point out that while the ability to regurgitate this tired thesis that Hitler was able to rise to power by manipulating people’s primal urges in a population that was starving and war-traumatized, by giving them an internal enemy (the Jews) to project their fear and bitterness onto, and by promising them a better life while not telling them very much about the uglier side of his agenda until they had been fully initiated, on an essay exam may have impressed your AP World History teacher, it is at best an oversimplification of history and at worst disingenuous. Germany in the 1930s was not just a country of poor farmers and unemployed Great War veterans who simply let themselves be led down Hitler’s path to hell before they realized their mistake. The fact of the matter is that Weimar Germany was already a society of people who by and large did not value freedom and democracy and which already suffered from widespread moral bankruptcy before Hitler became prominent. Hitler did not recruit the Brownshirts by inviting young men with no future to be part of something greater than themselves so much as he simply organized and militarized the criminal element of several major cities to serve his purposes. The Germans had to be carpet-bombed and then occupied before they were ready to finally be a part of the civilized West. And any attempt to connect the narrative of the Nazis to the rise of Trump is, you know, stupid.

But anyway, getting back to the point, I’m focusing on my liberal peers from Christian high schools across the nation because I know that we, conservative millennial Christians, will have to deal with them in the not-so-distant future. My liberal classmates may not have much respect for the conservative traditions of our school, but they will likely comprise a large share of the school’s future teachers, staff, PTO leaders, Alumni Association officers, and major donors. And that’s a problem. We know where their loyalties lie, and it is with the Democratic Party first and Christ and His church second. You cannot be a loyal Democrat and have those priorities reversed. These people will be leaven within the church’s institutions. We’ve seen what their so-called “moderate” liberal parents from the Boomer generation can do to such institutions simply by being tolerated within them even if most of them don’t go out of their way to be liberal activists. And they will be active soldiers in the war against conservatism and Christianity, whether they know it or not.

And so I’d like to address the remainder of this piece to those people. Not just my liberal classmates, but all moderate liberal Christians of my generation (hereafter “you”):You have picked a side, and it is the wrong one. You think that we conservative millennial Christians (hereafter “we”) are on the “wrong side of history”, but it is actually you who have chosen the wrong side. You may very well have chosen the winning side, but your side remains objectively, morally wrong (alternative title for this piece: Some Things Young Conservative Christians Wish We Could Say To Our Liberal Christian Friends If You Guys Would Hear Us Out).

We can still be friends. We have remained friends with you even after you have indirectly called us homophobes, fundamentalists, reactionaries, woman-haters, and the like. Many of you have not directly addressed us so to our faces, but we happen to fall into the group of people whom you regard as such. Nevertheless, we remain your friends.

But you need to realize that we have also chosen a side, and it is decidedly against everything you stand for. That does not mean we stand against justice, fairness, charity, and the like. It’s just that those are the things you claim to stand for, and I am speaking of the things that you are actually willing to stand for. When the chips are down, you will stand for the evil of abortion. You will stand for middle school students being forced to share shower facilities with members of the opposite sex, including adults. You will stand for police officers being railroaded by the media and the justice system for doing their job in cases where a young black man happens to end up dead.

And you will stand for the persecution of Christians. Specifically, you will stand for the persecution of Christians who have not thrown their lot in with the American persecutors of Christians, which means eventually that you will stand for the persecution of us.

For example, whenever you guys rail against a certain Christian artist or business owner for not accommodating a same-sex couple or someone who identifies as transgender, it never seems to occur to you that your Christian friends on the other side of the political aisle could and probably will be in that same position in the future. We are afraid to open our own businesses or go into creative professions because we know that the minute we cross the LGBT agenda, or possibly the abortion agenda, we are liable to have our lives destroyed by the government.

And you support this. You will side with the government when they come to take our businesses away from us or even impose criminal sanctions. Perhaps you will reason that it is regrettable but necessary, and that it’s our own fault in the end for resisting civil rights.

You know, I’m not going to go as far as to pull out the “if you’re a liberal Christian then you’re not really a Christian” card here, but Jesus does have some strong words of warning for those who persistently side with the world over Him. We all side with the world over Him, and we all do so often. Even the Apostles did. But you have formally chosen a side, declared it, and it happens to be the side that is waging war against Christ and His Church.Your excuses that you would actually be furthering Christ’s love are totally hollow. Jesus would not have baked a cake for a gay “wedding” (or built a gay couple a house to live in, being a carpenter), he would not (does not) support Planned Parenthood, and he would not (does not) support the gender transition process. If you disagree with this, you are disagreeing with Him, the Apostle Paul, not to mention the Church Fathers along with every serious prominent theologian throughout the history of Christianity until the past three or four decades. Of course, the church fathers never spoke about transgenderism, but that’s only because it is an insane demonic dystopian agenda that even the ancient pagans could hardly have conceived. They did speak on abortion and gay marriage, and their opinions on the matter hold a lot more weight than yours. Ecumenically speaking, the scholarship on these matters, along with evolution and some other things, within Christianity is as settled as you claim the scholarship is on climate change. The denominations and clerics that claim otherwise do so ashamedly and uneasily, and can accurately be described as “Bible deniers”. And don’t try to bring lame arguments regarding shellfish and eating pork into this, because those arguments have been quite thoroughly debunked, and if you haven’t heard the debunking it’s only because members of your side ban us from the message boards (one of the things that annoy us about debating with you liberal Christians is that, while you guys are generally more willing to at least debate us in the first place than your more extreme SJW allies, many of you have a tendency to need to have very basic theological concepts explained to you as if you've never heard them before. It makes it difficult for the discussion to progress when we constantly have to stop and do your liberal pastor's job for him.)

Of course, I wouldn’t expect that to hold much weight with atheists and hardcore secularists who don’t believe the Bible to have any authority anyway. They have chosen their side, and they are proud of it. But at least they won’t be attending a Christian college claiming to want an authentic Christian education and then working to tear down Christianity within that institution.

Your Christian brothers and sisters are being persecuted by the side you have chosen, and you will be required to assent to and sometimes participate in the persecution in order to be a loyal member of your Resistance. Although the gap may be closing, you are still the out-group within American Christianity, and yet you demand equal (greater) say and status. You call our kind Pharisees while enabling our persecution at the hands of the side you have chosen. You have gone out of your way to declare yourselves “allies” to every group from gays to transgenders to feminists to Muslims, but we never seem to part of your alliance. Not that we would want to, because you’re allied with enemy powers.

You see, we don’t disagree with you because we are more afraid or less college-educated or whatever else you have in mind. We disagree with you because the Bible is on our side, the facts are on our side, common sense are on our side, and moral principles are on our side, and not yours. We showed you footage of Planned Parenthood trafficking in baby parts, and you ignored it. You might be a little uncomfortable with it, but you would never be as vocally outraged as when a police officer shoots a black person and it gets the attention of the national media, despite the fact that in almost every single case your side has been objectively and completely wrong about both the facts and the law of the matter.

This is the point where many of you decide to pull out the “personally opposed” card. Mainly, you will use this card in the abortion debate, since you have long ago given up pretending to be “personally opposed” to gay marriage (although you might be one of the few left who will admit the inability to defend gay “marriage” on Biblical grounds but simply sidestep the issue by repeating the lie that the Constitution requires the government to recognize it even though it does no such thing, which is to say you think that the despot Supreme Court has absolved you of having to make any further defense of this abomination to others or to your own conscience) or gender conversion. Conveniently, you have already passed the point of having to worry about being a scared freshman girl who now has to share a locker room with a boy. And come to think of it, you’ve also conveniently passed the point of having to worry about being aborted. I’d just like to point out that your sudden “personally opposed” fig leaf when it comes to especially morally uncomfortable topics like abortion kind of clashes with your persona as a fighter for justice in the face of dystopia.

Of course you don’t have to use that card often, because compared to your more extreme, non-Christian contemporaries, most of the political talk we hear from you centers around the somewhat less controversial topics like gun control, immigration, environmentalism, welfare, etc. Much of what you have to say concerns how “uncaring” our side is more than it does any actual evidence, but at least you could hold the Democrat positions on such issues and still theoretically be a member in good standing of Christian orthodoxy. These are issues that the Bible does not give explicit guidance on like abortion and gay “marriage”. But there are still two main problems with you siding with Democrats on these issues. The first is that in most cases your opinions are wrong, often unconstitutional, and easily debunked. But more importantly for your case specifically, even your stances on these issues and the way you argue them betray a mentality that is fundamentally at odds with traditional Christianity. For example, when you argue that the New Testament commands us to accept waves of refugees from Islamic nations, or to expand the welfare state, or raise the minimum wage, or whatever else you think is “caring”, claiming that “Jesus would want it”, you are twisting His words and putting your own words in His mouth, you know, like how you claim we are doing whenever we articulate what the Bible clearly says about homosexuality. Twisting the words of the Bible to make them say something they do not and advance an agenda that is not Biblical is called heresy. Heresy is not something people who have chosen the side of God should be comfortable with. The Bible leaves room for Christians to disagree on the worldly, practical merits of things like welfare, immigration policy, and gun control. It does not leave room for you to make Jesus the champion of causes he never took up, especially since there is no reason to believe Jesus would take up a political cause despite most of the evidence being clearly against it.

What’s more, your championing of such lesser causes is often used as a fig leaf to deflect from your moral cowardice concerning bigger issues like abortion and homosexuality. You know you can’t win a serious theological argument about those issues, so you, like the Pharisees, make a show of how “caring” you are for others, mostly by making arguments that have no factual basis and usually require someone else to do the “caring” for you. And in so doing, you show signs of where your loyalties lie. When you got angry about Harambe being shot, you betrayed your anti-life colors, because many of your arguments boiled down to the implication that the kid somehow deserved to be mauled by a gorilla or at least that the gorilla had an equal right not to be shot as the human child had to not be mauled at the zoo. When you defended Michael Brown and said his death was a murder in bold spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you betrayed your warped sense of justice or general disdain for true justice. Whenever you demand that the welfare state be expanded or advocate socialism, you ignore the evidence reagarding the welfare state and socialism. Ignoring the evidence regarding such issues does not automatically reveal that you harbor anti-Christian values, but it does indicate that you care more about your public image than you do about the lives and families that have been destroyed by the welfare state and socialism, especially when you ignore the historical link between the abortion agenda and the welfare state and population control and socialism (or environmentalism).

And when you protest against the Trump administration for wanting to favor Christian refugees from Islamic countries despite that making every kind of humanitarian sense while simultaneously demanding that millions of unchecked Muslim men be let in and allowed to stay indefinitely, one has to wonder: whose side are you on?

And if most of what I have said does not actually describe you, if you actually are appalled by abortion, would defend my rights as a business owner if I were ever targeted by a vindictive gay couple, if you are willing to take an evidence-based or at least moderate and balanced approach to immigration and environmental regulations, and you don’t want to put cops in prison for doing their sworn duty, then one has to ask: why have sided with the American left?

Note: “Trump scares me” is not a good reason. I was a firm “Never Trump” conservative in 2016, and did not vote for him. That didn’t cause me to throw my lot in with the party that wants to force me to fund Planned Parenthood.

And one more thing: your more extreme secularist liberal friends that have gone full-SJW are not impressed with you. They aren't impressed with your virtue-signaling, they aren't impressed with the constant apologies you make for us, they aren't impressed with your attempts to prove yourselves as [the Christians that are cool and will respect you](http://thefederalist.com/2015/12/02/an-other-christian-responds-to-buzzfeeds-questions-christians-have-for-other-christians/) while treating us like an uncle who sometimes says racist things at Thanksgiving dinners but whom you love anyway. To them, you're still in the same group of square losers as us, it's just that they may think there is a little more hope for you.

I realize my words so far have been harsh, but they could be a lot harsher. I don’t want to burn bridges with my friends on the other side of the aisle, and I certainly don't think every cause they take up is completely without merit (for example, I do think conservatives have railed just a little too hard on the #MeToo thing, wrought with hypocrisy though the movement has been). But I’m writing this piece because, frankly, things are going to have to come to a head between our two sides. Your side has engaged an unrelenting campaign of attacks and persecution against those of us who have remained faithful to Christian orthodoxy for the past two or three decades at least, and we, orthodox Christian conservative millennials, are not going to defer responsive action against the agents of those who seek to destroy the church indefinitely, even if those agents include our friends. So when you take up teaching positions at Christian institutions only to reveal your sympathies with the militant LGBT movement, we are going to have to move to get you fired. When you start advocating the leftist social agenda within the church itself, we are going to excommunicate you. When your church is caught harboring illegal immigrants in brazen defiance of the Biblical command to submit to the civil authorities, we’re going to speak against your church and possibly work with the government to root them out. The Democrats and the liberal establishment have declared total war on conservatives and the Christian Church in particular. We are under no obligation to sit back passively and take it all the time.

So with that in mind, I ask one more time: whose side are you on?

#politics #religion #christianity #conservative #conservatism

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