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lilyrizzy · 2 years

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First off, I want to say that in that iron ground is an amazing fic I can't believe you're out here writing this for free for all of us to read! Second, I just wanted to talk about the one scene that I keep thinking about which was when Max and Daniel were in the cab after Daniel was a jerk and Max smiles back and holds his hand - Did Daniel truly realize how much of a jerk he was being? What was he thinking? I know Daniel was wondering if "one afternoon is enough to unravel years of hard work" but I just want to know more!! How did Max deal with a mean Daniel? I understand his circumstances are terrible rn but I honestly don't think I would be as emotionally strong and capable as Max while Daniel was being like this! Was Michael like ???? I also loved the scene where Daniel and Max talk about marriage and forever ... everything about this fic was 1000000/10

thank you so much, i am so glad you enjoyed it. it is probably the thing i am most proud of ever writing so asks like this honestly make me giddy! Answers under the cut<3

cw: mentions of max's relationship with his father and the way i percieve that. please don't read if you won't like that.

i think, max's ability to deal with daniel's meaness is due to the way i see max as a character, which is to say he's somebody who is very resilient and capable of incredible compartmentalisation. like not to get too deep into like controversial subjects, but he's well practiced in forgiving or overlooking questionable behaviour from people he loves (j*s).

so i think in this particular situation, where daniel is having the worst day of his life, he would be able to recognise that as the reason for his beahviour and forgive him quickly. Daniel is his man, you know, why wouldn't he be forgiving of him? in a sadder way, i think max is quick to take responsibility (and even blame) for other peoples emotions (see: 'it cost a marriage' about his first championship) so i also don't think its that much of a reach to think that he would like, offer himself up to be a place where daniel can put this irrational anger. but remember, max does call daniel out in the previous scene by telling daniel bluntly 'you are being an asshole,' so hes also not totally self sacrificing. and in the cab, when daniel reaches for him, this is enough in max's eyes, like he takes it as a 'sorry,' because he knows daniel doesn't totally have the capacity for an apology right now, when he feels like hes been so wronged (not by max, but by the the loss of his father) and everything is so unfair. he's just shocked because he was thinking maybe he'd have to deal with daniels anger a little longer, but he's happy he doesn't.

basically, i think in a way his trauma has made him kinda emotionally mature in some ways.

& because i'm a romantic at heart lol, also this fic, they love each other a lot and have been together for a long time too, so max is also thinking 'if daniel is feeling these emotions, id rather him share it with me than go through it alone,' so if he's gotta be the person daniel gets mad at to do it, so be it. if that makes sense (not claiming any of this dynamic is healthy, but then emotional responses after grief rarely are and the whole point of the fic is to explore that lol so pls dont come for me in my ask box lol).

then onto daniel, and "one afternoon is enough to unravel years of hard work". For starters, this phrasing is pretty uncharitable to max, but on purpose bc as discussed, daniel is going through itTM rn. but i think this is fundemental to the thought process daniel has throughout the fic where he is has seen himself as the protector, the person who reshaped a lot of the things his father had taught max about what it was to be a man, to be gay, to be a race car driver, he's tried to get max to a healthy place, where is doesn't feel the blame and guilt and shame that his childhood left him with, but more than anything, he's trying to be a safe place for max. somewhere where he never questions that he's loved, and never experiences the pain he did as a child, that results from anger. but now *he* is the person causing this pain and he's worried that max is going to lose faith/trust in him for that.

while like i said, max rn is just like, "daniel just found out his dad died, of course he is going to be angry, but it is okay because he touched me nicely so i know things are fine now."

michael is just like, eyes forward, nothing is happening, lah lah lah lol, like he is not interested in getting involved in the ins and outs of their relationship.

#thank you for this #i worry i didn't articulate this well but i hope it answers your questions #feel free to send me another ask or dm if not #in that iron ground #cw child abuse #<just to be safe #ask me things

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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 1 year

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Hello! Do you think Yuzuru will appear in a bad light in the Javier documentary? (Or like in a shady way, that they don't say bad things about him outright, but just suggest it, and manipulate people with the "poor Javi" agenda...) Like, I don't know where you exactly stand with Javier, but my opinion shifted about him so hard after what he pulled last year in connection with the Olympics. He talked about Yuzu's fall as a "fs specialist", saying stuff like Yuzuru was overdaramtic, he fucked up the jump and just used the hole as an excuse (I'm paraphrasing, obviously, but he actually said this). I watched the original spanish too, ha absolutely was throwing shade at Yuzu. His previous actions seemed shady in this knew light too: he complained after Pyeongchang that he should have been second and Shoma was overscored (f ing not!), and right before the medal ceremony announcing that he will retire so that the whole thing would be about him, because he wasn't satisfied with 3rd... Calling in intverviews after retirement Yuzu an acquaintance, when they were supposed to be the biggest friends... I don't know, I think he was always just jealous of Yuzu and trying to use him for fame. He seems shady. His skating was OK (((not better than Shoma or Yuzu, comeon!...))), but he's a slimy dude, and more people should acknowledge it, I think. (Sorry, this turned into a rant more than a question...)

@anon I don't know if this is the kind of "answer" you were hoping for and ranting about something that is on your mind is fine with me, but in this case I don't share the view or adressed worry...

I don't think Yuzu will appear in a bad light in this. Why would he? First Javi isn't the one to create this he is the subject, so the narrative is created by the creator. And 2nd the focus of the documentary is Javi, not Yuzu and Javi's relationship, so what sense would it make to throw shade at other skaters who are included as compatriots and "friends"? I also question if Yuzu was really specifically interviewed for this documentary or if he is just included as part of Javi's story.

For starters I don't think there is any bad blood between Yuzu and Javi. They appeared happy alongside each other at FaoI and the backstage stuff doesn't show any bad mood. I just think they just don't have much in common nowadays apart from the sport and didn't meet much in the years after Javi's retirement.

I am actually quite neutral towards Javi. I liked his skating fair enough (I have seen him live and he was a very good skater who can emote and connect well with an audience) Javi appaeared to be a lot more on the socializing site in TCC, also appears to be outgoing and from the things I know he was going out with others from TCC. So his personality seems vastly different to Yuzu's.

About Yuzu's and Javi's "friendship": According to Javi and Yuzu himself Yuzu wasn't part of the group that went out for dinner after practice or who did much socializing with the other skaters. Yuzu himself said that his focus in Canada was always on training and he didn't go out just back and forth from training. So when I read that I thought that sharing the ice was the connection between Yuzu and Javi and this was their common ground where they shared mutual experiences and this brought them closer to each other. But imo their view on their friendship has been very different from each side. Imo for Javi Yuzu was always one of his skating friends, not THE best skating friend. I don't think there was bad blood in any way though and obviously both profited from one another skating wise and tbh it seems to have been enough for both of them. The narrative of the "best friends" was one that fans (and shippers) created and not one that Yuzu and Javi actually articulated as one at least not to my knowledge. They always showed respect to each other, showed happiness sharing the ice, they have been close as competitors but they were also rivals competing for the same goals and happened to have very different personalities, I am sure it wasn't always easy or always pleasant but it doesn't mean it was no friendship or fake.

(little sidenote about views on friendship: Let me just tell you from personal experience that some ppl call others friends far more easily than others. I call very few ppl friends and it's not meant negative towards anyone else if I don't count them it doesn't mean the relationship I have with them is fake, it's just that I view friendship differently than some others who call almost anyone they spend more time with friends. I don't mean to put Javi or Yuzu into any of these categories but my personal experience showed me that ppl expect different stuff from friends and as long as everyone is happy, what's the harm?

About Beijing: I don't like what Javi said about Yuzu and especially not how it came across. However I think that ppl were a lot overdramatic about Javi's comment with the hole at Beijing Olympics. Javi could have been a lot more diplomatic in his answer and it wasn't nice to accuse Yuzu of using the hole as an excuse and I am not sure why he voiced it like this. But I don't particularly think that Javi directly accused him of lying just that he thinks the hole was used as an excuse. (some may see it still as lying but I don't) I don't understand Spanish so I cannot say what words exactly Javi used and if ppl already formed an opinion it's hard to trust Fanyus translations of that matter. So as I didn't read anyone neutral it's hard to fully comprehend Javi's comment and to me most Spanish comments sound shady so I wouldn't judge that by the tone. My only explanation for Javi's words is that as a competitor himself he also dealt with holes in the ice his whole career just like every skater hence he thinks it's an excuse to use. He was asked for his opinion, he gave one. It doesn't mean anyone has to agree. Tbh this "cancel Javi culture" was getting on my nerves. And even if I do think Javi's comments were shady (from the stuff I know about it) I think it's not our place to judge if that has any influence on their relationship/friendship. We don't know what they talk about behind closed doors and to call him a fake friend after everything else nice he also said about Yuzu, also at Beijing, imo is far fetched for my liking.

As for Shoma and the Pyeongchang Olympics: The truth is that if the technical panel would have called Shoma's 4Loop as underrotated Javi would have won Silver. I can admit that as a Shoma fan though I do think that the placement was fine. But admittedly they could have switched places and it would have been fine with me too. So in a way him saying that he could have gotten Silver is not wrong, maybe a bit arrogant, but it's also honest...I also think you have to take into account the way he was asked about it. Both times I am aware of him saying he could have gotten silver the interviewer was very keen on receiving this particular answer with compliments and a way of asking where he couldn't quite say anything else. It's not like he brought it up himself.

As for the situation before the medal ceremony in Pyeongchang: At this point when they got the medals he wasn't aware of that judging "issues". I don't think he was unhappy with his medal in this moment or is unhappy overall. I would also give Javi the benefit of the doubt about him telling Yuzu he would retire in this moment. Emotions were high in this moment and I think he may just have realized they would share a podium for the last time. When Javi later spoke in a documentary about this moment he had tears in his eyes and was emotionally overwhelmed still. I don't think you could fake that. I think this situation is something we cannot fully understand as simple fans. Interpretating it as Javi grabbing for attention is far fetched. The attention at this moment was on all 3 of them, mostly on Yuzu, but each of them wrote history for their country that day. If all this situation was perceived at this moment as rivals sharing an emotional moment and the hugging as positive, when in Sochi or Vancouver the men podium did not show any kind of connection to each other on the contrary for example Plushenko was even outright disrespectful towards Lysacek by getting on the Gold spot first in 2010.

I don't know what Javi should be jealous of about Yuzu? That he got Olympic Gold and he didn't or that Yuzu won more medals? Hm...it doesn't appear to me like that at all. I don't think Javi used Yuzu for clout or fame in his career. Javi made himself a name in his home country and Yuzu is not that big of a name in Spain to attract more attention than Javi imo (skating is not a very popular sport in Spain). Also Javi made himself quite a name in the skating world by becoming multiple European and World Champion before Yuzu's name was on the scale of popularity it reached after Pyeongchang. Javi didn't post pics unnecessarily often with Yuzu on social media, I didn't see him talking about Yuzu more often except when he was asked. So I don't know how he can be viewed as using Yuzu for attention but I am also not aware of everything he said.

Overall I think you made a lot of negative assumptions because of the negative way you view Javi. I see that stuff you mentioned can be interpretated in that sense and I don't know the truth either, but I'd rather give ppl that I do not know personally the benefit of the doubt. We should be aware that the view you shared or I shared are only our interpretations with no proof of truth. We do not know Yuzu or Javi personally, we don't actually know what kind of relationship they had and there is the possibility it changed over the years, could also be that they have been friends and now grown apart, could be that Yuzu is aware of that "hole" comment and didn't mind, could be that he doesn't even know it. We can assume a lot of stuff...I like to stick to a more neutral or positive view on stuff. What does it do for me to think this negatively about a skater or a relationship that is none of my business to judge? Who cares about what we think about Javi and Yuzu, what matters is what they think about each other and how they perceive their relationship be it friendship or anything else.

And going back to the start if Yuzu would appear in a bad light in a documentary about Javi...it actually didn't even cross my mind that this would be a thing to worry about. The focus of that documentary is Javi's career, Yuzu will be part of it but not the center of the story. (maybe my own post made it sound like Yuzu is a focus but what I read about it, it's not a focus at all.) So I don't think you would have to worry about a negative impact on Yuzu.

___

Sorry for the wall of text, I was not sure if to post it bc it's actually not related to anything atm and I know answering would take quite a while, but maybe it makes a bit clearer on where I stand with my view on Javi. So I hope you can make use of my opinion in any way...

I also don't want to adress it again, but you may ask if any of my text was unclear. Javi is not really a skater on my radar much, but if I see Javi and Yuzu content I will share it. Also Pyeongchang was peak figure skating and it will remain my favorite Olympic podium.

#yuzuru hanyu #javier fernandez #replies #yuzu and javi #I really dropped out at a point of the javi discussion so maybe i don't know all the details 🤷‍♀️#It's very unfortunate Yuzu had to hit that hole and how his last Olympics went but Javi is the least problem about it

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louehvolution · 2 years

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Is Capital still blacklisting Louis? As long as that's the case, what's the point of a promo campaign without performances? He's not a big enough celebrity that anyone outside fans wants to watch his interviews. And if you listen to them - they're just not going to entice anyone in. Fans, fans, fans. That's pretty boyband-y. And all these years giving interviews yet he's never really prepared an anecdote?? That's pretty basic for chat shows. How does he think SJ is going a good job??? And it's not just the English ones where the F mentions are tossed around - there was that Dutch one and the Italian one. Was SJ involved in those? I don't actually believe that the Dutch interviewer would have asked so much about the kid if he wasn't invited to. Like when we found out the radio stations in 2016 were encouraged to ask personal questions and we got stories about explosive diarrhea diaper changing and so on.

I still wonder at him not performing at BBC The One Show. From Manchester Evening News: The One Show viewers were left slightly baffled as Louis Tomlinson made a very laid back appearance on the programme. Though the interview was fine? Then again, why not couple it with a performance as with Walls. Were there any performances booked for UK? What a fucking time for the Queen to die :|

As far as I have seen Capital is not playing Louis—though they will write ten tabloid articles about him a month. TodayFM from Ireland didn’t play his song in full either—there is blacklisting and there is also probably years of learned… disrespect? But where was BMG?

It seemed a given that while Louis might no longer be under Sony, Sony would continue to have power over him. I never expected BMG to be able to work miracles, but considering years of artistic erasure to overcome and the time they had to prepare, I did hope for a re-launch to mean more and better promo than in the past. For the likes of NME and Official Charts features, and fun content like LADBible, to be the baseline, not the highest point of it. But it all seems, in essence, more or less the same. It’s good to see BTM's getting played on radio in US, but you still need positive associations and to maintain interest—let’s see what’s in store there.

I think Louis is very engaging in interviews, actually, thoughtful and articulate, showing his intelligence and his passion for music. And he gives good answers to any sort of question, like: “I wish it was less cliche, but I’ve always wanted to skydive. I planned to do it this year, but it didn't work out, for one reason or another. But that’s definitely on my bucket list. I suppose it’s like general advice, just good to be out of your comfort zone with things like that [and] that’s like the epitome of that idea.” But he needs to be given the chance with new and interesting talking points too. It’s so frustrating because he has so much to talk about. And he's funny as well, so he would do well with more fun content too.

I believe Louis genuinely cares about his fans, and even if it were advisable—and I don’t think it is—he wouldn’t turn his back on his loyal fanbase for anything. While in some aspects his fanbase as a whole will always be a double edged sword, arguably, maintaining ‘boy band’ levels of fan dedication and intensity all on his own could also be shown as a positive. Mainly I do worry about the sense of indebtedness Louis might have with fans, how much he feels the need to include and highlight us.

I do not believe anyone can think SJPR does a good job—the headline from The Sun when Louis released his MY mv was about how he ‘dances on tables and drinks’ a year from his mother’s death. Whatever you think about his sexuality or closet, the way his personal losses have been tabloid fodder for years should make every single fan hate SJPR. [But yes, it’s not like it's ever been limited to the UK.]

It’s been a week since release, and whatever you believe about his personal life, I would think comparing to previous promo, BMG has been… at least underwhelming. There have always been some good interviews and fun content, but it should all be good, and every opportunity and momentum maximized—bit weird to have his IG inactive a whole week after release and end of tour? Everything should be contributing toward the same goal: making Louis known as a credible [solo] artist—the last thing Louis needs is to be tied to 1D and to update people on his personal life; that has literally been one of the issues he’s faced ever since 1D [that powerpoint that had him defined by his ‘model girlfriend’]—creating interest and opportunities for his music to be heard. And it doesn’t feel like it.

#anon #solo louis

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delusion-of-negation · 2 years

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Hi! So I just recently came across the info that you have DID, and I wanted to ask - is this a blog for all alters/parts in your body or are you just one of them/the host?

This isn't meant to be rude or something, I'm just curious

I don't take it as rude, don't worry! I hope you don't mind that I'm answering it publicly, just figured it might be useful for other folks who want to ask similar questions. first of all, language like "host" or "original", or even the "protector/persecutor" categories, don't apply very well to my situation, and I'd prefer if people didn't use them to refer to any alters here. we definitely don't have an original (more responding to other people there than you, obviously you didn't say that), it happened long before we ever integrated a singular identity - so it makes no sense to ask who the original is, it's like seeing a person who was born without legs and asking which leg left first. and it's kind of similar regarding hosts, being polyfragmented means we aren't some easily described system of ten people you can track and then say Fronter McGee gets the most screentime, y'know? the term host is too simplistic for what's going on with us (I made this complaint once and somebody said "I just take host to mean whoever is controlling the body right now :)" and it was like ma'am that's not what the term means, the term for that is to front, the host is the boss who typically fronts the most and sits in the big boy chair with a fancy desk and a pipe). we don't have a host, we do have a big handful of alters who are more closely "related" to each other, for lack of a better word (it's really hard to explain this stuff, and I don't want to go on eight different rants in this one reply), who front more often than some of the more distant or specific alters (ones with very specific triggers, for example), but to call them hosts would be stretching the definition of the word, given how many of them there are and how little their role or behaviour resembles that of a traditional host. as for the categories, we just don't fit neatly into them, and they always felt to me like I was doing the DID version of a buzzfeed personality quiz when I tried to use them. I'm sure they work for some people and help them to articulate an experience, but I just don't vibe with them. so yeah, sorry this got long, but I figured since you used one of those words (and only one, I know, they're just all commonly used ones), I'd just take the opportunity to mention that I don't like them and would appreciate them not being used. this blog is for anyone, we're not the type to be very rigid in who's allowed to post where, because of various issues (both related and unrelated to those already mentioned, and I'm too lazy to list them all), but there are alters who prefer to use other blogs that have themes more akin to what they like to post or what they want to see on their dash or whatever. and similarly, none of those blogs are locked from anyone else. overall, we tend to find it easier to take a more wishy-washy approach than to be like "this is who's out right now, they can only use these accounts, they aren't allowed to steal my ice-cream!" otherwise we'd be micromanaging more than your average business owner. alters who might say something truly out of character for this blog know it'd be a dick move to the rest of us to do that, and would probably get them shit from my followers anyway, so they don't do that, and similarly I don't go on their yandere blog and go "actually I kinda prefer people give me space" for the same reason. mutual respect, I think, is a better system for us than each person having wholly differentiated spaces, especially with the amount of blurring and fragmentation and such we suffer from. so yeah, to answer your question, it's open to anyone, but most typically used by a select group of alters for various reasons.

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zoophagist · 1 year

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Oh! I am desperately waiting your review!

ooc;; alright, i held off since i saw it a day before it was wildly opened and didn't want to detail thoughts about the thing no one had really experienced yet. i'm hoping the renfield girlies are all unhinged enough to have gone opening night and now we'll be on the same page.

overall take - it was fine. just pretty middling. i had some laughs, and there were a few scenes i thought were really solid. it didn't do anything deep and it really didn't want to, and that's the vibe, fair enough. mostly i had a feeling of like... that's objectively renfield but is not recognizably renfield to me. i said this to a friend and i'm upset that the tumblr nonsense words are the best way to articulate it, but basically they made him a wet cat when they should have made him skrunkly. i'd say 6/10, didn't change my life, not my renfield, but a some silly fun!

more thoughts below cut, but i'm not doing a blow-by-blow, lads, simply too tired from real life. but if you or others have specific questions i'm happy to answer :) spoilers below!

went into the theater worried the pop psych angle all about 'narcissism' and everything would be overbearing (i'm begging people to relearn how to use any other, non-therapizing language to talk about mean or unpleasant people. like did we need the psych angle? did it enhance the story in a way saying 'dracula is just an asshole' wouldn't have done? mini rant over) but when i watched it i will say the second half of the movie (underrepresented in trailers) moved away from that and was more fun for it.

i saw a themed costume screening so the audience was obviously at a higher level of investment and more willing to have a good time. the movie seemed to go over really well with the group there

the love story wasn't as big a focus as i feared it would be, and that was very nice. rebecca as a character also did meaningfully play into renfield's character drive of wanting to stand up for himself. she just. well. i just didn't like her that much. the cop thing didn't help because it made moments i imagine were intended to be quirky fun for her read to me as "cop points gun at person in rage to cow them / cop has anger issues / cop disrespects or demeans others on the job." especially with her particular backstory and her tension with her fed sister, i think she'd have been a more fun character if she was just some lady, outside the system, trying to solve her problems. but anyway. yeah, not as huge a problem as it could be, but wasn't rooting for it

they needed to let nicholas hoult of the leash they kept him on this whole movie. he is capable of so much more unhinged energy and they really had him "i'm just a little guy"-ing his way through the whole thing. the 5 minutes where he got to beat dracula's face in and got a little too excited about it were the best for his character in the whole movie

what was the LORE? i love lore, and this movie was lore-light, playing vast and loose with vampires. vampire blood is a heal-all, so drinking it can't turn you into a vampire i guess? nor a familiar? in the course of the movie several people become familiars but we never see how it's done and i wish they let us play with and understand the magic there a little more! especially if you're just going to hand-wave away the bugs = power thing. i craved more lore. in general the writing was always like... there were just enough bits of development to get a job done but i kept wanting something deeper? maybe it's just the genre priorities since i'm not an action/horror fan.

i said it before and i'll say it again - teddy lobo was more renfield-ish than renfield was. i think his desperation to please, his manic energy, and his "i need you to know i'm dracula's favorite or i'll DIE" swag were very fun! everyone said nicolas cage would steal the show, but i honestly think ben schwartz as teddy was the show-stealer to me. if you like any other iteration of renfield's character, i really think teddy will be more interesting to you than the I Just Want To Be Normal edition of renfield this film is serving.

action and gore was fun sometimes. i'm not squeamish and none of it bothered me, but not being an action fan the fights weren't that much of a draw for me. just not my taste, but they looked pretty good!

there's one scene where dracula confronts renfield about betrayal, and honestly i thought that was the best performance both nicks gave in the whole movie. i thought it did a great job really driving home what this take on the drac/renfield relationship is like and how good dracula is at twisting renfield's will until it snaps. the one sour note about it was how it of course hinged on the whole 'narcissist' thing and like.... so, here's my hot take. the film and this scene spceifically would have been better if they didn't lead so heavy on all the group therapy jokes about narcissism. if you had just framed it as dracula's a selfish jerk who knows how to make things about him and let the writing/interaction tell the story (good ol' show, don't tell) this scene would have said EVERYTHING we need to know about this drac by being descriptive instead of prescriptive. (i hope that point makes sense. like i said, we're tired out here fellas, trying to make the brain do words right.) but as it stands, the scene is really good, sheds new light on their relationship, and makes renfield doubt his victimhood which is good for the plot.

renfield bought those clothes from a macy's and babyboy should not be allowed to shopping by himself is all i'm saying

renfield had a wife and daughter pre-31!dracula?? canon?? barbara hambly is somewhere out there feeling so valid for her book rn. for me it was just like... you really want us to think this man is straight, huh? but all you've done is make him a man who left his wife to be with a sexy male vampire so. the gays stay winning with renfield.

generally i was surprised by how mild and complex by reaction was to this. like with all the build up i really thought it was either going to suck or catch me off guard by being really good. but it really, truly, is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ okay! i think i was harder on it than most general audiences would be though, and again i'll reiterate the audience at my showing was really having a good time with it! on the whole, i'd call it a fun, silly little vampire romp, and say it's for popcorn viewing but not for deep thinking.

that "last voyage of the demeter" trailer tho 👀👀👀 that looks sick as fuck.

#||x LET ME ENTREAT YOU OH LET ME IMPLORE YOU! [ answered asks ]#||x LONG AND AFAR OFF [ ooc ]#[ renfield 2023 blogging ]#wingdingsandbrokenstrings

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monstrousproductions · 2 years

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(So, the following is what I wrote while listening to part one of the Q&A.)

It's so cool to hear like, actual real people talking, and recording and posting, about something I sent in. And don't worry, "I decide this based on vibes" is a perfectly understandable thing; whenever I ask ANY artist (of any medium) how they do stuff, I don't really expect THEM to be able to articulate it, but I ask anyways because sometimes they're able to.

I totally feel that "I need time pressure to actually get stuff done" bit. ADHD unite.

I've been of the opinion for a while that the true measure of "skill" isn't "the best stuff you can do", but rather "how good something is when you're having a bad day or otherwise can't put your all into it".

I can't imagine there EVER being too much talking about historical underwear, because that's a fascinating topic.

I love that talk of "writer's block" as like "weather", it's such a good way of explaining why that term doesn't work.

--Actually, question, some time when you're feeling better, would you mind making a separate post with the transcript from that "writer's block" section? Because I think it might be really helpful for people to read. (Or, would you mind if I do the post about that, with proper credit of course?)

Ah, so one of the questions I sent in, a bunch of OTHER people also asked that. It feels… nice, to know that we all thought that same way.

It's still so NICE to have the transcript easily accessed here. Because I'm listening to this while I'm doing other stuff, which means it's guaranteed that there's bits I'll realize I wasn't paying attention to -- as opposed to "consciously listening to it", which means it's merely LIKELY that I'll realize there's bits I wasn't paying attention to -- so if I can just read a bit on the transcript, that is SO much easier than "rewinding a bit and hoping that I find the part I'd zoned out for, and also that I don't zone out again and miss it for a second time". Normally after something like that, I'd say something like "this doesn't mean that what you're saying is boring, I'm just very bad at paying attention", but you know EXACTLY what that's like, so yeah. And also transcripts are good for when there's background noise and I literally can't hear it well enough to follow what's going on, but currently the area around me is nice and quiet so that's not a problem. --Of course, having written that, now there's something outside making noise. Such is life.

You do know that now you're going to get submissions based on your boyfriend, about someone who's very good at doing a particular type of thing but also hates it?

It amuses me just SO much, the "blorbo" explanation.

Hah, VINDICATION, I'd THOUGHT those characters were like from Good Omens, and I was RIGHT!

Ohhhh thank you so much for this, I'm afraid I don't really have the brain power to answer in full or as much detail as you deserve but some quick bits:

ADHD unite 100% lol it didn't even OCCUR to me that you saying you zone out sometimes might be a reflection on my writing lol I get you exactly, sometimes the brain is just... gone.

Please feel free to make whatever posts you like from the transcript!

The idea of Matthew creature is very very funny to me lol

And I'm pleased to say the responses to the Good Omens thing have been fairly evenly "I knew it!!" and "omg how did I not see it?!" which is perfect because I wanted it to still be fun for people who wouldn't get the reference, and a nice treat for anyone who did 💖

#monstrous askbox

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onewomancitadel · 1 year

Note

I’m the anon who’s planning to read your fic—I’d like to apologize, because I garbled the idea I was trying to express regarding your analysis; it’s not that I sometimes don’t agree, it’s that often you’re looking at the same things I do from a different perspective and that gets you to a reading that isn’t necessarily the exact same as mine but always rings true. Like seeing a sculpture from a new angle, and appreciating it more fully as a result. It’s an “ohhh, I didn’t think to look in that way but now that you’ve pointed it out, I can see it and it’s beautiful” kind of different. That’s what makes me excited to read Skimming Eye—I’m sorry it came across as more negging. I was thinking “people are being mean because her writing doesn’t pander to fanon expectations; the strength of her argumentation and engagement with canon is why I have her fic bookmarked; maybe I should say that.” I really should have considered how the sentiment would land in context.

I hope you have a better morning. Thank you for the well-wishes. If you don’t feel up to responding to this, please don’t stress about it, I’m not expecting any sort of answer, just wanted to apologize to you for the foot in my mouth.

Thank you for what you've said here, it's very kind. It probably wasn't a great of me to be having a tantrum at like 3am where I was reading the worst into everything, to be totally fair. I just didn't want you going into my fic with a false assumption if it were the case, because people make it my problem. I've also had people recently and in the past say they browse my blog despite disagreeing with a lot of what I have to say, which is pretty demoralising in general. I don't read many other RWBY blogs just out of simple and pure respect, so I'm not sure why that's not afforded to me lol.

(This isn't because I don't think different ideas aren't important, but more to do with the fact that I think if you have fundamentally different starting positions, you're not likely going to meet in the middle through kind debate. I don't want to talk to people who think Cinder isn't on a redemption arc. Do I want to talk to people who think that Cinder's redemption arc will end in death? Not by choice, but the topic comes up in asks nevertheless. I'm not against entertaining contrasting ideas, in case anybody thinks I've created an insulated hugbox for myself. In fact, I really enjoy it and often do it of my own accord).

It's totally fine, you haven't done anything wrong lol. Don't worry. Honestly, what's pretty galling about this whole thing is that I am otherwise pretty easygoing especially provided with enough context. I mean, I don't suffer idiocy, but even recently I've had a ton of spam asks from someone I've given five different chances to change his behaviour, I'm still not overly annoyed with him and given the opportunity I think he can probably reform his behaviour with enough incentive. Lol. I'm sensitive and my feelings get hurt sharing something creative and private, so really I'm the crybaby here. I've been told recently that apparently I'm very intimidating.

You haven't put your foot in your mouth so don't worry. Hope you're getting on alright, and again you're not under any obligation to read my fanfic lol. That's the last thing I'd want to pressure anybody into, which is why I even feel weird making reference to it in Tumblr asks etc. when someone asks me a question - because my fanfic does also sort of operate as a way to realise my thematic and narrative analysis, and sometimes - ironically enough - I think it does a better job of articulating it than what I've got to say here. But it's not for everyone. Then again, neither are my Tumblr posts themselves.

I guess there's also that issue with fandom where I'm here for Jaune/Cinder, but I'm also here because this is my blog where I talk about stuff I care about, and sometimes people are only expecting the former, but the reason I care about Jaune/Cinder is because of those personal, textual, thematic, emotional related reasons... it's hard to parse where one ends and one begins.

Anyway, thanks again for your asks. I'm sorry everyone for all that nasty whiny trouble last night, it's something I've bottled up for almost two years and every now and then I have a temper tantrum about it. Lol.

Take care. (:

#seraphina's asks #user: anonymouse #negative nancy hour #debating whether to dirty delete but people left some nice comments so thank you

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everafterkeiji · 3 years

Note

hello!can i request hcs for ran,sanzu,smiley and izana with a s/o who got their nails done?(they are lobger now and they have different color) thank you!

THAT IS SO CUTEEE thank you so much for requesting i hope this was fine and have a good day/night! ^-^

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐒/𝐎'𝐒 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒

PAIRINGS: Ran, Sanzu, Smiley, & Izana x gn!reader

GENRE: fluff

♡ 𝐑𝐀𝐍 likes it when you come home with a new set, every precise design and mastery makes him curious about how much they spend their time just for your nails to look that cool.

- He's seen you get it multiple times and every result still shocks him with the variation.

- His eyes usually stay at them for a while because they were a whole lot longer this time. You thought it was cute how he'd grab your hand just to closely observe every edge of it.

- He'd sometimes ask you if you need help in terms of opening objects but when he sees how easily you rip off the tab on the can. He just stood there with a subtle smile at how you pulled that off.

- Whenever you touch his skin, it entertains him how it drags on and wonders if it hurts you or at least give you a little scratch.

- He would be curious if he could also get them for himself, he just thinks they are so articulate and handy in terms of battle for a subtle poke in the eye which always make you laugh.

"Wait, that feels nice." Ran whispers as you cascade your nail from the side of his face down to his jaw. You chuckled since this was a new found habit for him to love.

"You're spending too many hours to look perfect when you already are, hun." He says, holding your hand to place a kiss on the back of it.

"But those nails are pretty badass too."

♡ 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐙𝐔 loves it when you come strolling through the room with a new set. There's a sigh that leaves his lips and he calls for you with "Let me see what you got, doll."

- Alike Ran, he also takes the time to appreciated the amount of work put into it as well as the flow of questions where'd you get them from.

- "Do you think they'll look good on me?" Which you answer yes and he suddenly gets excited when you mentioned that there was a way sharper shape for him to get and he's all for it, all the possible colors and designs to get.

- Would joke about how your nails look like as a weapon and when you mention that they were in fact pretty sharp—there's an endless loop of ideas flowing through him already.

- Loves the way you drag it across his skin and how you run it through his hair.

"There's my pretty baby." He says, welcoming you with a kiss to your jaw as his eyes travel to your hands, holding it above him for him to observe while he spoke,

"These might be my new favorite."

♡ 𝐍𝐀𝐇𝐎𝐘𝐀's reaction whenever you came from fresh from the store is always priceless to you. You knew he didn't mind but everytime a bright color passes his line of sight, he's either excited or just observes them for a good while.

- Can't help but think they resembled claws which is probably why his head tilts whenever he double takes to look at them.

- These were a lot longer than the previous and a whole lot more intricate which makes him hand you opened cans or bottles just to make sure they don't break for your sake.

- "That looks so good!" He'll say which you really appreciate.

- "Can I use them in a fight?"

"They can be used for that I guess but-"

"Let me get one with you!"

- Your hand is usually intertwined with him when you're just doing something as he moves your hand around just to see how cool they were.

"Do they hurt you?" He asks, while you shake your head. You turn your body to his side, landing your hair to his peach hair running through it, finding it adorable how curious he was.

"You don't have to worry about me." You said with a smile before he intertwines your hands again.

"I like them, so when you knock someone out you'd look real cool, babe."

♡ 𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐍𝐀 wouldn't pay that much attention to him, too busy with his own plans and ideals but they do catch his eye especially when your hands are flat on the table with them long nails.

- He has no idea for what convenience you get them but every time you get it, they just suit you so well.

- Even if it's been done like dozens of times, he just sits back and watch you admire them.

- He can come up with ways for it to be used for some sort of battle but it seems that they merely exist just for your pretty hands which he lets you do your thing regardless of the purpose.

- When he's got the chance to take a look at them closely, he can appreciate it little by little with how much effort it was put into.

- The times where you embrace him and he can feel the minimal contact of the tip of it to his back, he just feels surprised at how long they really were but any embrace from you is still enjoyable.

"They look nice, love." He says, his thumb caressing your hand before he rests on it, tired from another night. Your hands roam through his hair as he hums in satisfaction resulting to him giving a subtle kiss to your skin.

"Is that what they're used for?" He whispers, slowly falling into a state of dozing off at your comfort. You chuckled lightly before placing a kiss of your own to his forehead.

"If it makes you happy, then yes, Izana."

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oro-e-diamanti · 3 years

Text

The one where Ethan is pretending

Description | When you bump into Ethan in Paris, you fail to mention that you know exactly who he is. You’re not sure how long you’ll be able to keep it up when he asks you out for a drink.

Content | Fluff

Pairing | Ethan x gn!Reader (with the exception of one female pet name)

Word Count | 2071

Taglist | @ginny-lily @ethaneskin @tabi-toast @mywritingonlyfans

***

There was no way you were staying in the same place that Måneskin had just arrived at. There was no way, you kept telling yourself. Paris was a massive city, the number of available hotels in the hundreds, maybe thousands if you had to guess. And yet, somehow, you had managed to pick the one place one of your new favourite obsessions would spend their time. You knew it didn't mean much, the hotel had more than a couple of rooms and with your luck, you wouldn't even catch a glimpse of them. But as you kept scrolling through Instagram, seeing pictures of people meeting the four Italians in front of the place you had checked into mere days ago, you couldn't fight a little bubble of excitement forming in your chest.

Well, you told yourself you wouldn't get your hopes up. And you definitely wouldn't hang around in front of the hotel or in the lobby. You had booked your solo trip to Paris months ago, after dreaming about visiting the city for most of your life, and you would be damned if you wouldn't stick to your itinerary and enjoy your holiday. However - you had gotten up at what felt like dawn to go queue up for the Louvre and spent the last couple of hours there, so you decided that a nap was the way to go if you wanted to continue exploring the city in the evening. Fortunately, the walk back to the hotel wasn't long.

You had made it to the last corner before entering the street you were aiming for, when two giggling girls ran past you, unceremoniously bumping your shoulder and sending you tumbling. You were fully expecting to hit the ground, but instead, a pair of strong arms caught you and brought you back to your feet. A pair of strong arms belonging to a strong chest that you came face-to-face with, belonging to a gorgeous face, belonging to Ethan Torchio.

"Tu vas bien?" His broad French accent confused you, momentarily forgetting about the little detail that you were, in fact, in France, as you stared at the drummer in front of you, who was still protectively holding onto your upper arms.

"Huh?" Was the immensely intelligent answer that thus left your mouth.

"Oh, not French?"

"No, definitely not French." You finally said, taking a step back from him to avoid the increasing awkwardness you were feeling about being touched by him, while the two girls who had previously knocked you down were now lingering around the two of you suspiciously, not coming close enough to be rude, but obviously desperate to get their own piece of Ethan. "No, just a tourist."

"Me too," Ethan smiled. "A tourist, I mean. Well, kind of. I'm here with my band so it's not like we have time to do a lot of sightseeing."

He briefly turned around to look at the two girls who still seemed frustrated at you hogging his time and gave a small wave before turning back to you. It was the movement that made you realise he had the most gorgeous red rose tucked into the waistband of his trousers. Well, it used to be the most gorgeous rose - after your little crash, it had bent in the middle, the top hanging only by a thread, in the most miserable fashion.

"Oh, no I am so sorry!" You gasped, carefully grasping the delicate petals that were on the verge of breaking off. "I must have crashed into it when you caught me."

"Don't worry about it," Ethan said, softly, and pulled the stem from his waistband. The flower looked even more tragic now, in all its crushed glory. "A fan gave it to me a few minutes ago."

"Huh?" You surely proved yourself articulate in this conversation. You mentally hit yourself, angry at yourself for being so easily flustered.

"There are a few fans waiting in front of our hotel, because we're in a ... band ... and things."

Apparently, your awkwardness was contagious. Also, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Ethan thought that you had no idea who he was.

"Let me get you a new one," you suggested. "There's a flower shop just two doors down from the hotel - I mean, I am staying there, too, so I know."

He smiled at you with a serenity and calmness that had your heart soaring. You decided you'd be willing to buy him a million roses if only he kept smiling at you like that for a little longer.

"Well, I've got to go now, but it would be rude to refuse your offer. Meet you in the bar of the hotel at 8 tonight?"

No way this was happening. You almost gasped, but at the last moment managed to keep your cool, outwardly. On the inside, you were a mess. Bumping into the drummer of one of your favourite bands was a wonderful chance meeting as it was - but this almost sounded like a date. Now, of course, Ethan wouldn't be asking you out on a date. That would be ridiculous. But there was also no way you would miss out on a chance to meet him again. Preferably without those two giggling girls that were still standing behind him, watching every move of your interaction but luckily too far away to hear what you were saying.

"It's a d- uh, deal," you quickly recovered before almost spitting out the word date instead. Ethan chuckled.

"Right, see you later, then, for our... deal."

He had seen right through you anyway, you thought. But he was still laughing, so it wasn't all that bad - right?

With another quick touch to your upper arm, Ethan walked past you, turning around just one last time.

"My name is Ethan, by the way. You can tell me yours tonight."

Oh, you would.

***

The rest of the day was... well, restless. You couldn't nap because your mind was a whirlwind and your stomach was twisting with excitement. So instead, you had made sure to get the prettiest red rose you could find in the flower shop down the street - while slightly wincing at the price that a shop in the center of the city of love demanded - and put it in a glass the hotel receptionist had been nice to give to you. Then you had decided that there was no way you would manage to relax before 8, so you allowed yourself a few hours simply wandering through the city, no real destination, no itinerary for once, just a nice long stroll with nothing but your thoughts.

At five past eight - being slightly late was still cool, right? - you did a quick check-up in the mirror, realised you were not going to get any happier with your appearance whatever you tried to do at this point, grabbed the rose from its makeshift vase, and left your room.

It only took you a second to see him when you entered the little bar on the ground floor of the hotel. Even in the dim light, the white blouse that he had already been wearing when you met for the first time stood out like a sore thumb. Long dark hair fell over his back in a silky fashion. You had never wanted to touch anyone's hair more.

You took one more deep breath and then walked over to Ethan, smile on your face and rose in your hand.

"A rose for the handsome gentleman?"

Ethan almost jumped, apparently not having heard you coming, but quickly a smirk spread over his face while he stood up.

"I'll take the rose and your name, then."

"It's Y/n."

Ethan greeted you with a soft kiss to your cheek, before taking the rose, pulling your chair back, and inviting you to sit. It was almost ridiculously romantic and if it had been anyone else it would have seemed over-the-top and off-putting, but with Ethan it seemed sincere and fitting.

"Glass of wine, Y/n?" He asked as he casually waved the waiter over to your table.

"Just one. I want to get up early tomorrow for some more sightseeing."

***

It didn't end up being just one glass. It ended up another one and then a bottle shared. But it also ended up with three hours of talking, laughing, teasing, and slowly moving your chairs closer together until you were basically sitting on the same side of the table. You had asked him about his band - still trying to cover up that you knew exactly who they were out of pure fear that he'd reject you for being a fan - and he has asked about your job, your life, your family. In fact, you only left the bar when the waiter had started throwing you annoyed looks while demonstratively cleaning the tables around you.

"I'll bring you to your room," Ethan chuckled lightly as you waited for the elevator. His hand was on the small of your back and it was spreading tingles all through your body. You were standing close enough that you could smell his perfume, a light yet musky scent that encapsulated everything about him.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he lightly pushed you inside and you found yourself not minding him leading you like this. You pressed the button for your floor, leaning against the wall as you studied the man in front of you. He was a thing of beauty, no question about it, and when he smiled down at you the way he was right then and there, he made you feel like one, too.

"I had a lovely evening, Y/n. Is there any chance I could get your number?"

What a question, you thought to yourself. You'd be mad to refuse him!

You dug your phone out of your cluttered bag. You had switched numbers just a few weeks ago and had not yet learned the new digits by heart. Quickly, you switched it on - and your heart sank. Oh crap. You had completely forgotten about this.

The lockscreen of your phone was a picture of Måneskin.

As you looked up, you realized Ethan had seen. And, contrarily to the reaction that you were anticipating, he was wearing a massive grin.

"Ethan, I am so sorry, I should have told you immediately when we met but I kind of just stumbled into this and you were explaining you were in a band and I didn't know how to say-"

"Dolcezza, calm down. I've known all along."

"Wait - what?"

He didn't explain. Instead, he pointed to your bag - your tote bag - your Måneskin tote bag.

You truly felt like the least intelligent life form on earth.

"I've been carrying that around all day, haven't I?"

While your embarrassment grew, face heating up, Ethan grabbed your shoulders and pulled you into his body. His arms tightly wrapped around your body and you could feel his giggles in his chest, as your head was pressed against it. You didn't hesitate in reciprocating, clinging onto his torso, slowly swinging from side to side. Both of you caught in a tipsy stupor.

You only stopped when the elevator arrived at your floor, both of you stumbling out and dragging each other to your door while clinging on. When you reached your room, you let your back lean against it, pulling Ethan along so you were standing face to face, smiling at each other shily and yet never breaking eye contact.

"Why didn't you say anything?" You finally asked. He stroked your cheek, leaving goosebumps. He had now gotten so close that you could feel his breath on your, drowning in each other.

"I liked pretending."

And then he kissed you. Boldly, unafraid and passionate. You melted like putty under him, letting him take control while letting yourself fall, as his lips moved against yours.

You only pulled away enough to get another glance at him, before once again searching your bag, now one-handed, so you never quite had to let go of him. A small triumphant sound escaped you as you located the key card. Holding it up next to your face, you shot the man in front of you another smirk.

"Why don't we keep pretending? At least for tonight."

It wasn't an offer he was going to refuse.

#ethan torchio #maneskin #ethan torchio imagine #ethan torchio fiction #ethan tochio x you #ethan torchio x reader #maneskin imagine #maneskin fiction #fluff #my writings

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thequibblah · 2 years

Note

Why is your writing so addictive ? And is there a support group you know of 😜 Lily in Slytherin was less dark than I expected but again your writing made me reading at an unhealthy speed (good thing I won’t get a ticket for that) while I had to actually work today.

Your last bit had me very worried about them being cornered in the Dungeons by the Mulciber cronies and I am just very glad it only (!) led up to the pre- proposal .

Would love to read some S Lily -Black interactions (I feel she could have connected to Regulus ;)

But anyway, support I will need for I must stop thinking about these two and actually sleep some. Thank you for another great read.

hope you got some rest HAHAAA and tysm for the kind words! glad to have worried you... a bit >:) i believe the support group is simply The Internet, please don’t bill me for damages xx

i know you didn't explicitly ask why lily isn't edgier in this au but you did get me thinking about how to articulate my feelings on the subject, so i hope you don't mind if i jump on that opportunity.

not making her "dark" was a conscious choice. i didn't really realise until i started to think about it, but while fleshing out this idea i decided i don't really care about that kind of storytelling. i don't think darkness equals moral flexibility equals interesting, and i don't think that's the only aspect of slytherin!lily worth highlighting. i envision canon wartime lily as having her own shades of grey for sure, and to me it doesn't add anything to have an alternate version of her be...well, for lack of a better descriptor, edgy!

in this au she's a scared kid and sure she's going to act tougher than she really is because of the circumstances. but...said circumstances, both within hogwarts and in the outside world, are so stacked against her even in canon, i feel quite opposed to drawing out that toughness. the world already demands invulnerability of her. why would the façade be the most interesting thing about her? rather than "what is she perceived as," can the question be "who does she see herself as," and following that, "who does she want to be"? this is why i wanted to be so, so, so deep in her pov for this fic — it’s so centred around her, her narrative concerns, it borders on solipsistic. and the side effect is that unless someone tells her, explicitly, the reader just does not know what other people think of her! because that’s not what i was interested in!

i feel like in the era of prestige tv drama we maybe place more emphasis than we need to on moral greyness as depth or nuance while also assuming it belongs only to ~dark~ characters! there are plenty of those characters in the hpverse already, and i find it honestly unproductive, personally, to look at other characters through that same lens. as much as fic is creative, i like to approach it critically as well — i am interested in engaging with the text, obviously to various degrees depending on the seriousness of the story, but with every fic i need to ask why these characters, why this friendship, why this setting, and if the answer doesn’t go beyond just because then i am just not here for it.

i'm consistently more interested in the conscious desire to be good, what it means and what shape it takes, and in optimism more than cynicism. i'm sure there are people who can and do weave that into "dark" plotlines, but it's just not for me!

#practicecourts #ask me #tmwysl

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years

Note

WAIT. I'm late to the party but I just remembered all those anons were sending in "why I send you asks" and their reasons and I actually really want to participate, so I hope you will accept late applications?

The reason I send you so many asks is because you've just...built such a nice feeling that anything can be discussed, and it's never too niche or cringy or boring, and that's really relieving and amazing.

I'm sure you (along with many others) have realized by now, but I suffer from....really bad anxiety, both social anxiety and just in general, and it very often gets in the way of my life. Because of this and past experiences, I'm always very scared and hesitant to talk about my interests and my thoughts on anything.

But every time I've sent you an ask, even if it was, in retrospect, probably really annoying to read through the one hundred "sorry"s and "my bad"s, you've always been nothing but kind and interested in my ideas, and that was just...so surprising. Because I never really knew anyone who was willing to talk about anything, and it was just...really amazing to meet someone who was! Especially because I love and am interested in so many different things and kind of need someone to bounce ideas at. And it was really cool to see someone that was unashamed of their own interests and thoughts, but didn't make others feel bad for having different ideas.

Every time I send you an ask, you always have something interesting to say back. Something I hadn't thought of or considered, or a query that would make me rethink my own theories, or just a very well-thought-out answer to a question. I remember sending in tons of asks about the wings AU before it was released, and writing those was probably the highlight of my day, because I knew you'd take them and run with the ideas, and do your best to match my energy, and I was really grateful for that. And you were always willing to dig deeper, to think "but what if there was more?" and that's just...incredible! I don't have any other word for it!

I love sending you asks because you don't dismiss an idea or deem it as stupid, and you're just...such a kind and wonderful person that can make even the most obscure subject infinitely more interesting than before, and you never fail to make me consider things again, to expand my thoughts and views, and I'm really grateful for that.

So, because it should definitely be said by now, thank you!

And, well, that's why I love sending you asks :]

- pyro

there is no timeline so there's no way to be late! and I'm answering this a few days after you sent this, so if you believe yourself to be late then we can both be late together :D. you are fully welcome to participate if you want to (which you said you did)! it was mostly just a random question I had because i'm just as analytical with myself as I am with keeper, and knowing how other perceive and think of me is helpful for that--and I was curious about how i'd aquired so many asks so quickly, and then you all just turned it into complimenting quil hours for some reason !! (but on to your ask before I get even more distracted)

(note from a quil who has answered all of this: got very long so that's why there's a readmore! i love you /p)

this means so much to me--specifically your use of "built" because I do try pretty hard to maintain a positive atmosphere and welcome everyone in and treat everyone with the same attention. it didn't just fall into place, i try to be encouraging to everyone and support all the amazing work--art, writing, ideas, etc--I see from people. (note: i've been wanting to do a thing where I ask for fic/art/other recommendations from others (can be friends or their own) so i can go through and reblog a bunch of them with comments and the like, I just want to get through more of my asks before I start something like that). But you're right--nothing is too niche! there's so many details in the story it's impossible for one person to notice anything, so people bringing up the obscure and their own thoughts makes the story richer and more fleshed out for everyone else! and i think it's really cool to just see what other people focus on (like I said, my analysis isn't limited to characters, but I'm not like dissecting you all to understand each of you in a creepy way or anything. I just like to get a better sense of someone so I can respond in a way more tailored to them when we interact)

anxiety can really suck, so as someone who also has anxiety i am giving you a comforting hug if you'd like one. it genuinely impacts everything you do and think about, rewriting how you experience life. a single, inconsequential experience to someone else can literally change major aspects of how we think, which makes interactions so scary sometimes. i remember things people said years ago and still base my actions around them, but those people have absolutely no recollection of ever saying it, but just the fear of having done something wrong once permanently altered my thinking. (this is not to make this about me, I'm just trying to show I understand by sharing an experience of my own).

reading through all your "i'm sorry"s and "my bad"s wasn't annoying and never will be. you have never had anything to apologize for, and I know that sometimes you feel you need to enter a conversation and first apologize for being there, but I'm thrilled to have you here and always love seeing you in my inbox. I don't know how to articulate this properly, but I'm going to try. i saw your apologies and your apprehension as...a puzzle? that's absolutely not the right word but I can't think of the right one so please let me explain (I don't mean to imply you're like something to be solved or a problem in any way. words can be difficult and I'm trying to describe something very intangible rn, so I hope this doesn't sound bad). I didn't see it as annoying (you're never annoying), I saw it like it was something to work through, and while it's not my job or anything to help other's with their personal problems, it was like if I could just provide one space where I could encourage you (not just you, but anyone) as a friend to try shifting your language and start thinking of yourself more positively, then I wanted to give that.

because I am interested in your ideas! and I want to be kind and welcoming to you! but I also want you to be kind to yourself, so any impact I've had to give anyone a safer, less scary space is really cool. I don't know if that made sense, but I'm not trying to talk down to you or anything or be like I'm this high and mighty figure harboring lost souls or something, just that connection is important and I like being there for people. kinda worried that sounded bad because it feels worded strange but I'm trying to reciprocate and say i appreciate you and am happy to talk about anything!

i love bouncing ideas back and forth and you are more than welcome to say anything and everything you're thinking about. talking to you is always an absolutely joy and I get so excited when you send me an ask and when you're reading my response, because it often feels like this like...buzz? like we're just vibing on this frequency and it makes it so much fun to throw ideas back and forth and just listen to each other talk. i am very glad to have surprised you and met you! I don't know a lot of people like myself either, so having someone like you interact with me and just go all out on these little things and what we personally like about different parts of the so much fun. a lot of the other people I know irl feel like they just scratch the surface, they say things just to get credit for it and to appear like they know what they're talking about while ignoring all these other things that have such an impact, so it's amazing to have found someone else who looks at everything and anything like I do. my brain really is "a little bit of everything all of the time" so knowing you have so many different interests too is really cool. i am giving you an internet high five and pretending you aren't so far away.

I spent so much of my life being quiet when I had so many thoughts, so now that I have this kind of outlet I just! want to say everything I can! i want to look at everything from every perspective possible! the world is a huge collection of things tied together and I love following the strings to find the connected pieces! but I think that's a way of approaching the world not a lot of people share (I could be wrong), so it's really cool to hear you think my thought process is interesting!! my brain is practically composed entirely of questions. any subject at any time of the day and nearly all of my thoughts are just wanting to know more and trying to understand things, so having that opportunity to ask further questions and just learn things (about what other's thing, how things work, etc) is so much fun. you might've seen me ask some questions of other's in a few of the asks I answer, but those barely scratch the surface of just how many I have. my handle is in_quil_sitive (inquisitve) on nearly every social media platform (except for this one) for a reason.

I remember some of your asks from before the wings au was published, too. those were absolutely incredible, and I got a rush of excitement every time I saw you sent another. those were the the highlight of my week, too!! your enthusiasm and excitement for something I hadn't even posted yet gave me so much motivation to continue and you helped me think through so many future ideas and consider things from new perspectives. i know i specifically wrote that you inspired one chapter in the notes, but you've had an impact on every single chapter of this story/ it wouldn't be what it is without you, and I mean that with complete sincerity. you were the one who made me think "what if there was more" so I could make this au even better and work towards something bigger. I just have so many thoughts about everything all of the time, I can't go more than a few minutes without being distracted by a different train of thought, but knowing there was someone who would want to hear all the weird, disjointed ideas i'd strung together and composed into a more cohesive format was so cool. there's just so much to think about!!

I probably sound repetitive at this point but I love answering your asks because you're so receptive to the way i say things and it's like you're actually listening and want to hear what I specifically have to say, not just the general ideas. you want to know my unique, personalized opinions and perspectives and don't just dismiss them when they're not what you expect to hear or aren't generic. you're incredibly kind, too, I hope you know. I love the description of how I can "make even the most obscure subject infinitely more interesting than before." that is such a meaningful compliment to me. I just keep thinking about this line over and over again and it just...it really means a lot. because you're saying it's me that interests you and not just what I talk about. I could talk about anything and you'd still want to interact with me and that's so fucking nice. I hope you know the same goes for you. we can challenge each other's thinking together and make things even deeper and more complex before together <33.

thank you for being here and being my friend, pyro. talking to you is always one of the highlights of my day and gives me a very positive feeling that I carry around for a while. I do this thing sometimes where I film myself to later observe my behaviors in the middle of intense emotions to understand myself better (back to that whole analysis thing again), but it's not just negative things, it's also when I'm really excited or pleased with something and jumping around and stimming and all that, and some of those are from when I interact with you. that might sound a little weird but I mean it positively, as in talking with you makes me ecstatic.

I have said. so many things. so I will stop (for now). but I really appreciate having you in my life <33

#this response is 1757 words long i--#i have written shorter essays for my college classes #pyro this better convince you that i care about you #you're one of my favorite people #just in general #i really value our friendship #and hope none of this sounded weird #i tried to articulate it but some of the concepts didn't want to become words #so please know this is meant to be loving and supportive of you #in all aspects #i wrote so much and still didn't say everything I wanted to #you should be asleep when I answer this so hopefully this is something nice to wake up to #still don't feel i've articulated myself fully #but I have tried #worried about that puzzle part but I'm trying to say I want this to be like a safe space of kinds #where I can support you and encourage you to stop apologizing when you don't need to #and do that without judging you #ah anxious about that #if you cannot tell I don't want to mess this up and am worried I will #hnnnng #if I said something weird please let me know so i can fix it #quil's queries #pyrokinetic-loser #nonsie love #long post

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sugalattaes · 4 years

Text

❛ you were ringless ❜

✦ VALIANT ✦ CHAPTER ONE ✦

pairing: kim seokjin x reader

genres: angst // fluff // prince!seokjin // bodyguard!reader // european medieval setting

warnings: infidelity // jin with a mommy kink // eventual smut in series

word count: 2,697

summary: months of professionalism is thrown out through the window as the Prince appeals himself in a vulnerable way to you

Grimacing, you followed the Prince into his quarters, glancing over your shoulder warily. If anyone were to see this they would think so wrongly of the Prince, but especially of you. You were already aware of the foul words thrown at your back by the other female guards at the castle, all along the lines of infidelity.

Your eyes snapped open to the low inquiry of your Prince, “Why don't you look me in the eye, (Y/N)?” Jin's voice was a melody, a soothing breeze that wore down your worries and blanketed you in warmth, but you were diligent enough to shake off the cozy feeling. Stubborn enough to deny the obvious effect he had on you. When the Prince heard no response from you, he sighed loudly, “Am I a chore to you, (Y/N)?”

The door clicked shut as you turned to face the Prince, head tilted down as no guard dared to lay their eyes on the royalty. You watched his shadow slowly slink away from you, only to return soon with its owner dragging a plush chair of velvet in tow.

“At least take a seat,” Jin gently coaxed, pushing the chair against the wall.

You bit your lip, despite your defiance to his questions and acts of kindness, you couldn’t go against what he requested of you. So you pulled the baton at your hip out and set it on the floor to sit in the chair comfortably, eyes still trained on the smooth tile floor. “Are you ignoring me?” Jin complained, his words articulated in a cute manner. “Before you would at least lift your head..”

The tall man wasn’t even close to you, yet you could pick up his musky and woodsy scent from where you sat. You donned yourself in mint when he was around in hopes of staying undistracted and unbothered around him.

His feet came into your view, his toes that poked out of his slippers almost against yours. And with a sudden plop, Prince Kim Seokjin himself was on his knees in front of you, a position that forced you to look at him. Your eyes widened, “Prince, what are you doing?”

Jin dismissed your rational question, returning a small smile with his pursed plush lips, “I heard you have a child, how come I never knew?” You inwardly groaned, his tendency to prod about your personal life became something you had grown used to blocking out. But his innocent gaze made it harder this time.

It was like he was out to get you into trouble. The amount of torture the royal court would put you under if they saw you, a mere guard, in such close proximity with the Crown Prince. And to think of your child, what would happen to your little tyrant, Chenyoung, if you were punished?

“She's two, right? What's her name?” Jin persisted.

You lifted your head up a little, your eyes boring into his sweet, espresso ones. “My shift ends in thirty minutes,” you simply answered.

You were here for pay, not to befriend the Prince. They appointed female guards inside the palace for male royalty so that not only would the Princes be protected from harm but unwanted courtship from the women of the palace. It worked vice versa for female royalty. However protocol dictated explicitly that guards were to stand outside the door until the sun disappeared and to return to their manor house to exchange places with a guard who worked at night. Instead of allowing you to guard outside his door, Jin had other ideas, insisting you to sit inside his room. He tried to figure out what you liked, where you came from. You couldn't help but wish he would just fuck off.

As a married woman, with a child you weren't easily swayed by his charming looks. No matter how many times you saw him catch his bottom lip between his teeth, you found yourself waiting to leave the Prince's quarters.

“Oh, come on, (Y/N),” Jin whined, forming a pout. “I asked to see your child and the ladies told me you specifically asked them to not let me see your child! Are you purposely pushing me away from you? After I have doted on you for so long?”

Jin let out a huff, his scent making you shift. You could feel his fingertips gently pressing at the feel of your foot to keep your attention, but all you could think of was the amount of affection he held and how he was a complete contrast from your husband at home.

Your husband was a harsh man with one useless arm and another that only held cigarettes. All he did was ask for a quickie and money for change at pubs. He gambled and smoked. There was no reason for infidelity though, he gave you a roof to live under and a child you loved. But Jin made it impossible to not fall for him as he became a vulnerable heap at your feet.

No, you wanted your child far away from Jin. You refused to see Jin in a state where he'd look like the perfect father and husband. You refrained from daydreaming of Jin and your child’s laughter mingling on a warm day. You refrained from imagining Jin's surname alongside your childs. Kim Chenyoung.

You could practically see your child jump in excitement as she was being loved by a father who gave her attention.

Your thoughts were interrupted as Seokjin repeated his inquiry. “You'd like it, wouldn't you? If I asked for another guard? It'd be easier for you, I can request any other royal male to be your next appointment so you wouldn’t have to put up with me.”

He looked up at you, by now your eyes were searching the intricacies of the ceiling. “Look at me,” he leaned closer. You carefully allowed your gaze to meet. He looked so domestic with his silk tunic stretched across his large chest and his raven locks covering his brow. You resisted the temptation to cup his cheeks which were plump and rosy. The best description you could give on Prince Jin was that he had the head of a Samoyed and the body of a Doberman, a silly way you came up with the say he was a soft child in the body of a built man.

“No, Prince, I don’t mind,” you replied, looking away. “Twenty more minutes.”

“You're manipulating me, darling, that felt like five minutes not ten,” Jin retorted, wrinkling his nose slightly. He gently allowed his hands to sidle their way up from your heels to either sides of your thighs. You didn’t allow yourself to bite your lip or tense up, it was unprofessional to hint at being bothered.

“Fine, twenty five minutes,” you agreed half-heartedly.

Maybe three minutes of silence passed, your eyes scanning over anything and everything except Jin. A fourth minute passed by, marked by the way he gently set his chin onto your lap, his legs folded underneath him. His broad shoulders were an expanse that you wished you could hold. You couldn’t help but envy the thought of his future wife who would have the ability to relax in his comfort.

You caught his fixed stare, your anxiousness peaking. The thought of someone coming into the room and seeing this scene was terrifying.

“Prince, get up,” you insisted. In return you got a shake of the head and silence. “What play is this? At this point I may as well walk around saying I have two children.”

“Would you, Mommy?” he dully rebuked.

You raised an eyebrow at the term of mockery. “Eighteen minutes, honestly it should be sixteen since I have to do rounds in the hall before I leave. Come on now, Prince, get up. It's the least you could do for me.”

“The least?” he glanced up at you, not moving his head from your lap. “That's a lie. The least I could do is give you comfort, yet you push me away everytime. Look at you, you have me at my knees.”

You furrowed your brows, “Prince-”

“Half a year, half a year you've had to follow me around in the palace and you still call me Prince. Jin. My name is Jin.” His voice seemed curt now, giving you the glare of a wounded animal.

“Prince,” you murmured, “Don't give me angst.” You gently slid your fingers underneath his chin, attempting to lift his head from your lap. You succeeded, only for him to rest his elbows on top of your thighs instead. Your breath hitched slightly, becoming acutely aware of the lack of proximity between the Prince’s chest and your legs.

“It's not like you'll attempt to discipline me, Mommy,” his voice was now teasing, deliberately letting his breath warm your fingers.

“Your r-right, fourteen minutes,” you stuttered, you tore your focus from him and glanced at the door as your ears slowly became a dark shade of pink. Had he noticed your voice give away?

Maybe it was the way he ever so slightly traced the seam of your black pants with his forefinger. Or the way his smile was so lopsided, you could practically read his intentions. “Please, Prince, now is not the time to be…” You trailed off, not wanting to say anything out of line.

“Be what?” Jin pushed mischievously. “You seem so confident with that baton of yours while walking behind me. Why does it dissipate when you're in front of me?”

Your hands began to shake slightly, not from the weight of his head, but from the tension that you could no longer ignore. This is why you were supposed to be stationed outside of the door, so incidents like this wouldn't occur. You didn't know how to respond, simply hanging your head as you dumbly observed the way his large hand enveloped your thigh.

You started to get even more anxious, paranoid that someone would open the door. Your concerns were confirmed as you heard the footsteps out in the hall. “Jin,” you looked at him with a pleading voice, you practically whimpered, “This isn't appropriate, Prince.”

“That makes it even more exciting,” Jin whispered in return. Your heart pounded as the footsteps became louder, closer. “Do you mind if I touch you?” Jin slowly slipped his hands up to your hips, lifting himself ever so slightly.

“I don’t- I shouldn’t,” you stumbled over your words, “Prince someone is coming-”

“So you don’t mind if I kiss you, Mommy?”

The door slammed open, but Jin was faster, getting up on one knee, cradling your cheek with one hand, and pressing a light kiss to your lips. Your blood froze, closing your eyes so you didn't have to see the intruder.

“What is going on here? Prince?! Are you alright, Prince!?”

Your shame quickly ebbed away as you felt his smile against your lips. You parted your mouth allowing him to kiss you deeper.

“Prince!? Are you drunk?”

Jin growled, addressing whoever had burst into the room. “Get. Out.”

When you heard the door hesitantly close, Jin's lips returned to yours. You sat there, pressed into the chair, with awkward hands. As if to guide you, Jin lifted up your hands so they rested on his shoulders. Kissing Jin was like falling into a pit of fluffy pillows, how long had been since you kissed someone? Your husband never asked for kisses or gave any for that matter.

But soon, reality settled into your stomach and you felt the shame and guilt crash upon you, cheating was below you. To your own disappointment, you slid yours hands to his chest. Pushing him away from you, when there was a gap between your faces you ducked your head down, “S-stop, Prince.”

He looked at you with a soft frown, his hands still cupping your face. “Did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

You couldn’t bear to look at him as your hands fell from around his neck. “I'm still a married woman, Prince.”

His glossy lips formed a ‘o’ and you shamefully thought how good his lips looked with your saliva on them. You squeezed your eyes shut, erasing your sinful images and pushed Jin again, in order to stand up.

Jin stepped back, his slippers sharply skidding on the tile. “You didn't have a ring, (Y/N), I thought..”

He didn't know himself what overcame him. You were so exotic to him, such a young beauty who was so charismatic with a baton in her hand and a child at her hip. He hadn't thought to ask if you were married, thinking that your ringless fingers were enough to make a move. His cheeks were burning, his neck a shade of cranberry. “I'm sorry, I.. Understand if you wish to leave...”

You couldn’t bear to lift your head and acknowledge him, so you just reached for the doorknob, “Mercy, Prince. Sleep well.”

“Wait- ! Could you tell me about your child at least.. Her name perhaps?,” Jin bit his lip and hung his head. Kicking the floor and holding his hands behind his back, he resembled a child who received scolding.

“Chenyoung,” you gave in, twisting the knob.

You didn't understand his troubled expression as he looked vacantly at your feet. “Do you not wear your ring?” he asked softly.

You shrugged, “I don't have a ring.” You noticed the way his shoulders slumped. “Don't, Prince, it would be in my way of my baton, anyway,” you continued nonchalantly.

“I was teasing you before, I respect you, really. I didn't mean to call you M-” he turned around, his vast back hiding his embarrassment “-It was aslip of the tongue.”

“It's fine, Prince,” you said dismissively.

“I wasn't teasing when I told you to call me by my name though,” he said in a quiet tone. “It’s suffocating, hearing ‘Prince’ from everyone makes me feel vain.”

“Fine,” you went back to kneading your hands. You still felt the warmth that Jin had left on you.

“Fine, what?” he gently asked.

You nodded, “Fine, Jin.”

To some degree, Jin felt like he had won. Hearing his name fall from your elegant lips was all he could ever want and more, it was a stroke of luck that he was able to kiss you, able to be so close with you. In all honesty, Jin knew everything about you, your child's name, your lame husband. It was his job to know about people, he could remember you from two years ago. Jin wondered if you thought that he had forgotten about you.

You wore burlap pants, then, and you had no child at your hip. Tears threatening to fall down, you had scratches on whatever skin was exposed. “Prince, can't you give me a job.” Jin had you go to a speaker so you could flush out your problems, when reporting to Jin to speaker the horrible things that you had gone through.

Now he could not see the face of the woman who had pled for help in the stoic statue that was now you. Your change was shocking, Jin hadn't even recognized you for a while. You had been hiding your hair in the uniform's hat and the black uniform was a stark difference from the burlap pants he had seen you in. And the child.

Before he would think Chenyoung was adorable, but he slowly got envious. Someone as dismissive as your husband shouldn't have been able to give you a child, nonetheless, he was fond of your kid. He told nurses to give Chenyoung rock candy in the afternoon and would deliver sweet buns to the nursery himself so that all the kids could have soft bread.

You solemnly bid him goodnight again, “Goodnight, Jin.” You didn't bother to listen to Jin's response, gently closing the door behind you as you left.

Jin groaned, smacking his head against the wall. “Fuck, what have I done.” Jin hated this, he hated that he was able to get frivolous nothings, but when he wanted something so dear he couldn’t. He was ready to give up anything for you.

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts x reader #bts angst #bts fluff #seokjin fanfic #seokjin imagine #seokjin fluff #jin imagine #jin fanfic #jin fluff #bts fanfic #fic: valiant #repost

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mysticgalaxie · 3 years

Text

After Dr. Randolph Bell broke it off with Quovadis, and he assumed that all would be fine, after the dust settled. He couldn't have been more wrong.

Chapter 1

Word count: 1823

View this on wattpad : https://my.w.tt/48dUBhkChcb

After a surgery well done, everybody at Chastain hospital was relieved. It was a rarely attempted and barely researched surgery, a triple transplant. The patient was very close to many of the doctors in the hospital, so there was much to be celebrated. The surgeons who did the procedure, Randolph Bell, Mina Okafor, Aj Austin, and the doctors who were involved, Conrad Hawkins, Devon Pravesh, and Nicolette Nevin all arranged to meet up and celebrate for a job well done.

After shift was over, the group got dressed and left in their own rides, only to meet up at a bar about 15 minutes from the hospital. They all got out of their vehicles, speaking in the parking lot as they walked inside of the bar. Conrad figured it was a bit empty but also realized most people were probably still at work on a Wednesday night. The group got a table for all of them to be at, and they got all seated.

They all began chatting, trying to figure out what they each wanted to drink. Since it was all 6 of them, it was probably best to coordinate their orders so one could go up to the bar and order. Nic figured out what everyone wanted and she stood up, walking over to the bar. She told the bartender what they all wanted, and the bartender began working on drinks.

After a moment of standing there, Nic started to feel a bit uneasy. She felt like something was off, and she trusted her gut. She began to slowly examine the room around her, and noticed there was only a couple groups of people, all who looked rather shady. She again, had a really bad feeling. She glanced back to the table her friends were at, seeing Aj, Conrad and Devon making conversation of some sort. In contrast, Bell and Mina were more on the quiet side, occasionally agreeing with something that was said.

Before Nic could begin thinking about the suspicious situation, the bartender gave her the drinks. She nodded a thank you, trying not to seem as weary as she was of the whole thing. She grabbed the tray of drinks and carefully made her way back over to the table, where she sat the tray down and resumed her spot beside Conrad. She turned and whispered to him,

"I don't like this. I have a bad feeling about this whole thing." She admitted.

Conrad shrugged, not thinking anything seemed too out of the ordinary. After a moment he whispered back,

"Im sure it's fine. Plus, there's six of us. What could go wrong?"

Conrad responded with his reassuring smile. By now, the others had started to loosen up a bit, Randolph chiming in to conversation a bit more. He grabbed the drink he was ordered, taking a sip as Nic realized a man walking up to the table. Nic raised her brow, talking to the man.

"Uhm, hello sir. Is there something we can do for you?"

She asked politely, putting on her act a bit so she didn't seem so paranoid. She was trying to believe what Conrad had told her but she was finding it harder and harder to not think everything here was just off.

At this point, everyone at their table had quieted down, their attention now partially focused on the stranger that walked up.

"Well, not you actually. I do have some business with Dr. Bell, though."

The man answered, and Randolph nodded. He recognized the man as somebody who he had worked with in the past. The man then smiled politely as he turned his full attention to bell.

"Can we speak with each other in private? There's something I'd like to speak with you about." The man questioned.

Nic felt a pit forming in her stomach, but as she looked around the table it didn't seem like anybody had the same paranoia she did. It had her starting to believe maybe her gut was wrong after all.

Randolph just shook his head in response to the man's question.

"I'm with my colleagues right now, can we maybe get in touch at a later time?" He requested.

Oddly enough, the man just shook his head. "With all due respect to you and your colleagues, Its kind of important." He replied.

Randolph sighed and nodded. "Alright, but make it quick. I'm not really in the mood." He answered as he stood, excusing himself from his friends table. Then, the two men walked into the bathroom for some privacy.

Nic and the others watched them go. The others engaged in conversation again but Nik just felt too nervous to say much. Conrad took notice of her nervousness and he took her hand under the table, hoping to relax her, but Nic just seemed worried.

Randolph and the man stepped inside the bathroom. He seemed annoyed but he was trying to contain it. He turned to the man with a sigh.

"What was so important that-"

He started to say, before he was cut off by getting pushed against the wall. Randolph was at a loss for words as the man pulled a knife from his pocket.

"You screwed over Quovadis, and Gordon. You took our money, our resources - now you're going to pay the price for your actions. Gordon wants you dead. And I'm gonna make that happen."

As the man finished his little victory speech, Randolph didn't even have time to react before he was stabbed in the stomach. He inwardly gasped, as the blade was twisted and pulled out as swiftly as it had stabbed him.

Randolph, being a doctor, his quickest reflex was to put pressure on his wound any way he possibly could. The man just chuckled.

"No no, we can't have that.."

He said, before he pushed Randolph against the wall more, pulling a syringe out of his pocket. He stabbed it into Randolph's wrist, before slamming his head against the wall. Randolph collapsed to the ground, his head spinning. He couldn't articulate his thoughts well enough to call for help, either. The man thought he had knocked the other out, so he turned away. All according to the plan. The man stepped over Randolph's body, washing his hands and knife of any blood, before he left the bathroom.

Nic looked up instantly, and seeing that Bell hadn't exited she gulped a bit.

"Excuse me, where is Dr. Bell?"She questioned, her tone nervous.

The man looked over, smiling a bit. "He had to use the restroom, he'll be out in a couple minutes." He answered, walking back over to his group of friends, or whatever his group was.

Conrad looked at Nic, even he was starting to get suspicious a small bit but he figured he was just getting some of the overflow from Nic. He turned to her.

"You should try to relax a bit, I'm sure everything is fine."

Conrad whispered to her. Nic just shook her head, taking another sip of her drink. After a moment the group fell silent, hearing the groups around them start whispering, and Conrad noticed that Randolph still hadn't been back.

"Im gonna be right back.." Conrad mumbled, excusing himself from the table as he quickly walked towards the bathroom. He got chills down his spine as he neared the bathroom. Something was wrong.

Just as Conrad neared the bathroom, a couple groups of 4-5 men stood up, blocking the exits. Nic and Aj were the first to jump up, realising the danger as they looked at the men. It didn't take very much longer before Devon and Mina also realised that something was wrong and they also stood up.

Nic looked towards the bathroom but a man stepped forward, gun pointed at her.

"If i were you, I'd keep reaaal quiet."

He threatened her, so she did as requested as she looked back towards the bathroom. She was stressed and had no idea what was going on.

Conrad stepped inside the bathroom, and his instincts kicked in. He rushed over to Randolph's side, and without even thinking his slipped off his jacket, then his shirt. He used his shirt to apply pressure, and he pulled the older man into his lap. To his surprise, Randolph was still conscious.

Conrad held onto him, keeping pressure without thought. Conrad didn't know what to do or say. He was panicked.

"Hey, hey you've gotta stay with me.."

Conrad whispered to him, as he pulled out his phone and dialed 911, though it was tricky as there was blood on his hands. He looked down at Randolph, who was silent and losing consciousness. He grabbed onto Conrad's arm softly, but after only a couple short moments his grip faded and he lost consciousness.

Conrad gulped down his panic as the 911 operator answered.

"911, what is your emergency?" The operator asked, as they usually did.

"U-Uh, I've got a stabbed victim, offender is still in the building.." He quickly said, and the operator responded quickly.

"Okay sir, please calm down. Where are you at right now?" They asked calmly. So calmly it made Conrad upset, though he knew it was just their job. Conrad told them the address of the bar, and she took note of that.

"Okay sir, I'm dispatching an ambulance and some police to your location. Please hang tight. Is there any way that you can-"

Suddenly, he heard beeping. He pulled the phone away from his ear, and he looked at it. The call had been disconnected, and he had no service. He didn't know how long it would be until help got here.

He knew he was running out of options, so he opted to yell for help.

"Nic! Somebody! I need help in here!" He yelled desperately. Seconds passed, and nobody came. "Goddamn it!" He cursed, knowing it wasn't safe to leave Randolph alone, unconscious and bleeding. But he had to get help.

He stood up and rushed out of the room, only to find all his friends at gunpoint, and a gun swiftly pointed at him. Seeing all the blood on him, Nic gasped. They all knew something bad happened. Conrad's pants, hands, chest - blood was everywhere. Conrad looked around, as the man who had to gun on him motioned with an annoyed look.

"Get over there with your friends. Now." He ordered. Conrad knew better than to object, but he was scared. Scared that bell wasn't going to make it. Slowly, Conrad walked over to the others. They all stayed still, as two men came from the back room and walked into the bathroom. They dragged Randolph's bloody, unconscious body into the main room.

Nic gasped, hand flying over her mouth in shock. Devon touched her arm, since he was the closest to her. Before Conrad could say anything, somebody else stepped out into the main room.

And it was none other than Gordon Page.

#mature #fanfic #conrad hawkins #randolph bell #nic nevin #devon pravesh #mina okafor #aj austin #the resident #conradxbell

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