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#i wonder if it's because dean has changed a lot during the four years they were apart
youchoseeachother · 1 year
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Sam, getting to know Dean in season 1.
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kaleldobrev · 5 months
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Epilogue — Take Me Back Series
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Pairing: Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader
Series Summary: After making a deal to bring you back, Sam doesn't see you until years later when your paths cross during a case
Original Prompt: Requested by anonymous | Hi, I just joined Tumblr and came across your blog, it's wonderful! I'd like to make a request, something between Sam and reader. The reader dies and Sam makes a pact to bring her back, but she comes back without remembering him and the hunting life. He thinks it's best to stay away from her. Years later they meet and she falls in love with him all over again, and when they kiss she regains her memory. Do you like it?
Chapter Word Count: 1.1k
Chapter Warnings: Cursing (1x), Fluff
Authors Note: Last part of the Take Me Back series! I hope you all enjoyed this 5 part mini-series that was originally supposed to be a one-shot | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡
Read Chapter Three Here | Take Me Back Masterlist
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The car ride to the Bunker was a quiet and awkward one, something that you weren’t really expecting, considering you just regained your memories. You figured that Sam and Dean — especially Sam, would be ecstatic, but he apparently had no idea what to say; basically the man was speechless.
After about two hours of silence, Dean was finally the one to break it. “So, what exactly happened? You two kissed and then poof? Memories regained?”
“Bout sums it up,” you shrugged. “Thought you two would be more excited about me regaining my memories,” you added. Especially you Sam, you wanted to say, but decided against it.
“We are happy that you have your memories back, believe me. But…a lots changed in four years,” Dean said; his comment causing you to raise a brow.
“Like what?” You asked.
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“Okay, let me get this straight. Jacks the new God?” You asked, almost in disbelief of what you’ve just heard.
“That’s what you decided to hone in on? Not the fact that your boyfriend here had a fucking beard!” Dean exclaimed.
“To be fair, I’ve been telling him to get a beard for years,” you stated.
Dean turned around briefly, the most disgusted look on his face. “You take that back this instant.”
“Sorry I can’t. I’m not a liar,” you grinned.
“Okay technically you do, cause you used to actively pretend to be a FBI Agent on a somewhat regular basis,” Dean scoffed, turning back to face the road. “Reminds me, when we get back, can you make me one of your cherry pies?”
Sam looked at Dean for a moment, trying to figure out how there was a connection. “How does that remind you of her cherry pies?”
“Because whenever we had a case that was far from home, one of the first things she would do is make her famous cherry pie for me,” Dean said. “Duh.”
“Are you sure you want to keep your memories?” Sam said, turning to face you.
You smiled at him. “What do you think that answer is?”
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It’s been four years since you’ve stepped foot into the Bunker, and it felt like nothing has changed. It still had that same smell to it; that old book musty smell combined with Old Spice. “Welcome home,” Dean said, patting you on the back.
Dean looked over at you and his brother; the two of them exchanging thoughtful like looks. “I’ll leave you two kids alone,” he smiled, heading down the metal stairs.
Once Dean got to the bottom of the stairs, Sam looked at you, a slightly nervous smile on his face. “After you,” he said, gesturing toward the stairs.
“Thank you,” you nervously smiled back.
Halfway down the stairs you turned slightly, Sam following closely behind you. “So, I have a question,” you said, nervous to ask what you were about to ask, even though you probably had no reason to be.
“Shoot,” he answered.
“Sleeping arrangements…” you began, very hesitantly. “Can I sleep with you or…”
“Y/N, you know you don’t have to ask me that,” Sam said, almost sounding just as nervous as you had just sounded. He wanted more than anything for you to sleep in his — your — bed again. For the past four years, Sam felt as though he hadn’t been sleeping as good as he could have been. He didn’t realize until you had left, how reliant he had become on you when it came to how well he had slept.
“Okay,” you half smiled.
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Upon entering yours and Sam’s bedroom for the first time in over four years, there was still a small sense of familiarity to it. Despite you not being here in over four years, there were still things that were left the exact same way as you had left it. He was still using the same sheets you had bought in order to make the Bunker more homey, pictures of the two of you still were scattered throughout; either hanging on the wall or propped up in frames on the dresser and desk.
You walked over to what used to be your dresser and picked up one of the perfume bottles which was almost empty. “I uh…I sprayed that sometimes in here to…” Sam half chuckled, scratching the back of his bed. “To kind of pretend that you were still here.”
You felt tears start to well up in your eyes and you quickly wiped them away. “You really missed me uh?” You asked him, picking up a picture of the two of you.
“Like crazy,” he said, walking toward you. “I’m sorry.”
You looked at Sam with a confused expression on your face, cocking a brow. “Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I should have given you a choice when it came to making that deal; it wasn’t fair for you,” he said.
“Sam,” you began, placing the picture down back on the top of the dresser. “You saved my life. Brought me back to life even. I…I would have made the same deal.”
“You would have?” He asked, a similar looking confused expression on his face.
“In a heart beat,” you confessed.
He gently smiled at you, and scratched the back of his head. Nows a good time as any, he thought. “Open up that drawer there,” he said, pointing to your side table. You looked at the table briefly before looking back at him. “Trust me.”
“Okay,” you nodded, slight hesitation. You walked over to your side table and upon opening it, there was a traditional looking small black velvet box. “Sam…” you trailed off, picking up the box and turning around.
When you turned around, Sam was down on one knee in front of you. “Open it,” he stated. Your heart began to race, as you were actually half afraid to open up the box.
Taking a deep breath, you lifted up the lid just slightly. “This better not be a prank,” you said.
“I wouldn’t joke about something like this,” He said, sounding almost half annoyed. Opening up the lid fully now revealed a small diamond ring. “I’ve held onto that for over four years. I was going to ask you to marry me when we got back from that vamp case in Malibu but…you know…”
“Yes,” you said instantly.
“But I didn’t ask you yet,” he smiled, chuckling a little.
“Oh, sorry,” you nervously chuckled.
“Y/N, will you marry me?” He asked.
“Yes!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arms around him. Taking the ring out of the box, Sam placed the ring on your finger, and you couldn’t help but smile wide from ear to ear. “I have a crazy idea.”
I’ve missed your crazy ideas, Sam thought. “What’s your idea?”
“Let’s go to the courthouse right now. Why wait any longer?” You suggested. “I mean, I love you. And I’m always going to.”
“I’ll go get the keys,” Sam smiled, leaning in and giving you a quick peck on the lips.
Walking out of the room, Sam felt like for the first time in a long time, that things were working in his favor.
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profoundbondfanfic · 1 year
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Another batch of our favorite aro/ace/demi fics!
Part 7
We're the New Romantics by almaasi [Teen, 8K, Aro!Cas]
“He’s so pretentious.” “Who is?” “Castiel.” Dean sneered as he said the name. “Look at him. He only brought one bag, and it’s tiny. And orange.” “Maybe he doesn’t like carrying a lot of stuff,” Charlie said, shouldering her own rainbow-coloured weekender bag, leading Dean out of the crowd and towards the picnic benches. “Gifted-and-Talented Summer Camp is only four days. A change of clothes and a toothbrush, that’s all most people need.” “What about when he sleeps? Doesn’t he at least need a pair of jammies? And that freaking nose ring. Seriously, he looks like a bull. I wonder if anyone’s ever told him.”
The Graveyard Shift by PurgatoryJar & riseofthefallenone [Explicit, 620K, Demi!Cas]
Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.
hold me (just for tonight) by kitmistry [Teen, 1,5K, Ace!Cas]
Parties are always fun, and they come with the best tips.
Moonflower by K_K_TiBal [Teen, 18K, Ace!Cas]
Castiel is not a very good witch. He's just not. He struggles with potions, illusions, divination - everything that makes a witch respectable, and his familiar - Dean - definitely deserves better than him. When Dean falls under a curse that seems to affect his shape-shifting abilities, Castiel and Dean begin to run out of money, and Castiel decides the best thing they can do is go after a rare Moonflower to help get themselves back on their feet. The journey could be dangerous, especially considering Castiel's less-than-ideal abilities and Dean's curse, but with a little luck, it will all be worth it in the end.
Easy by mnwood [General, 911, Aro!Dean]
When Cas comes back from the Empty, it takes Dean some time to adjust.
Coming to Terms by Unforth [Explicit, 169K, Aro!Dean]
Naomi Novak has laid out her son's entire life. Castiel Novak-Shurley must get a great education, focus on business, ignore frivolous things, attend Harvard Business School, become an investment banker at International Angel Deposit Bank, maintain his virtue, marry a proper beta or omega, and make lots of alpha babies. Even when fitting her expectations was difficult for him, Castiel has done his best to comply. Until now. His mother is arranging a marriage for him - he doesn't know to whom, but he knows it's happening, and soon - and before he ties the knot (figuratively and literally) Castiel wants to have an experience all his own: he wants to bottom for an alpha. Nervous, terrified, Castiel goes to Palmeton’s red light district and hires Jensen, a gorgeous young alpha prostitute who smells like fresh-cut grass and sunshine and lemonade. With Jensen, Castiel finds the courage to ask for what he wants. Being knotted is amazing. Castiel’s not an omega, but…but being with Jensen - who's real name turns out to be Dean - is everything Castiel has dreamed of. And now he has to figure out: how is he supposed to go the rest of his life without experiencing that again?
First and Only by almaasi [Explicit, 35K, Aro&Demi!Cas]
Single bachelor Dean bets he can have sex more times within a calendar year than his happily-married brother. But when Castiel – Dean’s roommate, best friend, and total virgin – asks Dean to be his First, Dean’s plan to bed numerous strangers goes up in smoke. Over the weeks, then the months, Cas becomes his go-to guy. His “fuck buddy”, if you will. But that doesn’t sound right. It doesn’t feel right. Dean was Cas’ First, but now he wants to be Cas’ Only. Now he’s gotta figure out how the heck to court a guy he’s successfully wooed a hundred times already.
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A Explained Fishing Destinations
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quokkacore · 4 years
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please don’t bite [wong yukhei] (m)
part of the wasn’t on pawpose collab
summary: you’d always prided yourself on being able to read people well and managing yourself as an independent hybrid in a world that was still getting over that. but when lucas, your best friend, manages to get himself turned into a wolf hybrid, it has you second-guessing everything you thought you knew about yourself, him, and the both of you, together. 
pairing: wolfhybrid!lucas x bunnyhybrid!femreader
genre: friends to enemies to lovers, fluff, smut, angst, thriller if you squint
warnings: language, lucas is a bit of a dick, medical experimentation, mentions of sexual harassment, knotting, breeding kink, mating cycles, degradation (use of the word bitch to be specific), dirty talk, biting, marking, size kink, possessiveness, jealousy, mentioned doyoung x reader, momentarily dubious consent, stomach bulging, slight predator x prey dynamic between lucas and reader
song rec: troye sivan - bite ♡ wonder girls - why so lonely  ♡ neon trees - everybody talks  ♡ harry styles - cherry  ♡ the 1975 - tonight (i wish i was your boy)  ♡ sunmi - 24/7  ♡ loona (jinsoul)  - singing in the rain ♡ fall out boy - hold me tight, or don’t  ♡ wayv - bad alive
word count: 17.6k
a/n: this turned out a lot longer and a lot angstier than i expected. also.... dont ask where yukhei’s human ears went. i don’t know either :P
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masterlist
You were going to kill Lee Taemin, if the dean of your university didn’t do it first. This was all his fault. 
It all started at the beginning of the semester, when Lucas, your best friend and roommate, had told you during dinner he was helping your older friend, Taemin with an experiment for his Ph.D. You'd expected him to say he'd be handing out surveys on Main Street or trying some new diet and writing down the effects, or something along those lines. 
Nope, not at all. What he really said had thrown you for a loop. “Actually, I’m gonna be trying out some hybrid hormone pills he’s been working on that have finally been cleared for human testing.”
You’d choked on the pizza you were eating. “You’re going to do what!?” You cried when you finally managed to swallow your food.
“Dude, chill,” He answered, large hands waving back and forth passively, “Taemin hyung is 99% percent sure that they’re absolutely safe. I’m just supposed to go in for testing once a week and write down any side effects I feel, which, according to him, should be at most three or four, and they’re not even that major.”
“Okay…” You’d answered, quirking your head. You were still slightly wary, your ears twitching. "And Taemin's like, completely sure they're safe to eat?" 
Lucas nodded, demeanor completely casual. His calm expression did nothing to deter your concerns, mind going a mile a minute when a new thought popped into your mind.
“Yukhei, what kind of hybrid hormones are you even taking? Predator hybrids or prey hybrids?”
His smile had disappeared slightly, and his eyes left your face to stare down at his plate. Your stomach sank, and your foot started tapping in distress.
“Wong Yukhei. What kind of hormones are they gonna give you.”
“They’re, uh… alpha wolf hormones.”
Your eyes widened, and he rushed to placate you. “Y/N, bunny, calm down. I know how you feel about predator hybrids, but I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought there was something weird about this whole thing. The dean is breathing down Taemin’s neck telling him not to fuck it up. Trust me, he wouldn’t be doing this if he wasn’t absolutely certain that it was safe.”
You chewed on your lips, before sighing. “Please be careful, Xuxi. You’re my best friend. I don’t want you to hurt yourself all because Taem wants to find a way to get taller after puberty.”
Lucas had laughed, glad that the mood in your kitchen had shifted from tense to slightly less tense. He grabbed your hand, your eyes dropping to glance at it for a second, before looking him in his eyes. “If you want… He told me earlier he’d be at the lab until like, midnight. Maybe we could go pay him a visit, and he can explain everything better, you know?”
You pursed your lips, glancing at the clock. It was almost eight. After a few seconds, you huffed, and nodded, the tension finally diffusing.
“Alright, alright, let me get my jacket.”
He grinned at you, and you flashed him a smile back, automatically endeared at his goofy expression as he disappeared to gather his things. You smiled to yourself, looking down at your hands which had fallen into your lap, sighing.
Too cute. He's too cute.
The walk to the campus lab took about fifteen minutes, maybe less. Lucas, despite being taller than you, actually walked at a much more snail-like pace, and thus fell victim to your playful teasing over his slow walk.
"You're part bunny," He pointed out, eyes briefly glancing at the white rabbit ears poking out from your hair, "You have that natural spring in your step."
"Bull," You countered with a smile, turning to face him, now walking backwards, "They disproved the whole ‘rabbit hybrids run faster than humans’ theory years ago. You just suck at walking, Xuxi."
"You just suck at walking, Xuxi," Lucas grumbled, mocking your tone, but there was no malice behind it. You laughed, turning as he took a few quicker strides to catch up. His hand came up to pat the spot between your fluffy ears at the top of your head, and you hummed in satisfaction as the door of the chemistry department finally came into view. 
The ride up the elevator was quiet. You were still slightly uneasy, ears twitching, something Lucas easily picked up on. He flashed you a soft smile, pulling you closer.
“Everything will be fine, bunny. I promise.”
You nodded, pressing your head against his shoulder. You took a deep breath, taking in Lucas’s distinct scent of cinnamon. “I’m sorry I blew up at you earlier… But you gotta admit, it sounds risky. And with the side effects, I thought maybe it would affect behaviot, and a lot of predator hybrids are just huge dicks, sometimes, especially around prey hybrids, you know? They’re creepy and asshole-ish and, well, you remember the snow leopard guy we met at The Burrow a few months ago, right?”
Lucas’s eyes darkened, recalling the time you had to mace a hybrid at a bar because the guy was getting handsy with you, despite the fact that you had made it incredibly clear that you weren’t interested. He nodded, staring at his feet.
“I don’t want any of Taemin’s weird science hurting you or affecting your behavior.”
He nodded, eyes sympathetic. “I totally get it. But like I said earlier, I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t trust hyung with it 100%, or if I thought that it could hurt me or you in any way. You’re my bunny, you know? I would never do anything to hurt you.” 
“I know, I know, Xuxi, and I trust you… But I will cut Taemin’s legs off if you die.”
He shook his head, his amused smile growing lopsided on his features.
Finally, the elevator made a ding! and the doors slid open. The hallway was lit with industrial fluorescent lights, much brighter than the warm light of the elevator.
Lucas’s larger hand grabbed yours, leading you down the hallway. 
“I don’t even remember the last time I saw Taem,” You mumbled, not really thinking about the topic, “It’s like he lives here now.”
“Yeah, I know,” Lucas replied, “Baekhyun hyung’s been begging him to just let it go for at least a night, but he’s obsessed.”
A few doors later, and you finally arrived at the one indicating it was the floor’s chemistry lab, and Lucas knocked once, twice, before a soft, muffled voice said, “Come in!”
Lucas opened the door, letting you step in first before following suit and closing the door behind him. On the other end of the lab, stood a thin, short man facing away from the both of you, typing away at a laptop. You knew it was Taemin, he smelled like Taemin, but your mind didn’t immediately register that it was him; his ashy blond hair was up in a hairnet, he was wearing a long lab coat, and there were blue latex gloves covering his hands. 
“Hyung?” Lucas asked, and the typing stopped abruptly as Taemin turned, took in the sight of the both of you, before flashing a gummy smile. 
“Hey! Y/N, long time, no see. And Yukhei!! Just the person I wanted to talk to.” His tone was pleasant, excited. “I wanted to talk to you about your hormone treatment.” 
“That’s great, because we wanted to talk to you about it also.”
Taemin furrowed his eyebrows, giving a slight shake of his head. His eyes flicked back and forth between you and Lucas. “We?”
Your eyes widened before holding out your hands. You exchanged a brief look with Lucas, whose ears were a bright red. 
“I wanted to know about the whole wolf hormone thing because… you know. Well, you know how we live together, and prey hybrids and predator hybrids don’t really get along well, you know? I mean, I know that it’s just hormones, but… should we be worried about anything? Should I be worried?”
Taemin’s mouth dropped open slightly as he registered what you said, and he shut his eyes before shaking your head.
“No, not at all! I totally understand your concerns, Y/N. We’re using several different test subjects for the human testing, all with different circumstances, but they’re our ‘demographic’ when it comes to using the treatment. A few are hard of hearing, others have suffered physical trauma in their legs or arms, some have poor eyesight. Our intention with using wolf hormones is to see if it can be used as adequate treatment for specific disabilities.”
“Lucas doesn’t have any of those things?” You said, confused. You glanced at Lucas, who was still watching Taemin, before the latter spoke again.
“He’s part of a separate group, people who have no major medical ailments or physical disabilities. We want to see what the effects could be on the statistically average human.”
You nodded, still feeling slightly uneasy despite Taemin’s otherwise chipper attitude. “So the expected changes are going to be mostly physical? No behavioral side effects?” 
“A few behavioral side effects, but nothing major. Increased appetite, irritability, high energy, maybe increased libido. Nothing too major. Mostly we’re trying to see if he gets stronger, or if his hearing and eyesight improve… I understand you feel worried, Y/N, but the members of my research team and I have been working around the clock to make sure that these pills are absolutely safe for human consumption. From our research, there’s like, a 98.7% chance that nothing other than the expected side effects will show up, and those aren’t really behavioral at all.”
“Why not 100%?” You asked, eyes shifting back and forth uneasily.
Taemin grimaced, gaze sympathetic as he exchanged a look with Lucas, and then with you. “Well, nothing is ever 100% confirmed, so science doesn’t really lend itself to certainty, y’know?”
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That had been two months ago.
For the first two weeks, everything seemed like it would be fine. Lucas’s only complaints about the hormone pills were that they made his hair grow a bit faster and that they were so big that they were hard to swallow. Then… things started to happen.
First, he started to eat a whole lot more. Every time you saw him between classes, he seemed to be chewing on something. You were grateful he wasn’t touching your food, because he seemed to only ever be eating meat.
“Didn’t Taemin say I’d probably get hungrier?” He asked one night, eating a ham sandwich as he sat on the couch. You were resting your head on his thigh, scrolling through Instagram while hoping that any crumbs wouldn’t fall into your hair or your ears.. You set down your phone, blinking as you tried to remember, before nodding. 
“Yeah, he did. Shouldn’t you write that down?”
“Uhh… Yeah.” He stood, you sitting up, and walked towards his room, probably to do as you suggested, before he called out to you one last time. He at least had the decency to look a bit sheepish.
“Hey bunny, can you, uh, order some Chinese food?”
Then he started complaining about loud noises. However, from what you could tell, there were no loud noises at all. Your rabbit ears, from what you understood, had similar hearing to that of humans, only you were slightly more sensitive to higher frequencies. So you were incredibly confused when Lucas barged in while you were pacing in your room, going over flashcards for an exam, dark eyes glaring at you. He seemed slightly ticked off.
“Can you please stop stomping around in here? I’m trying to finish a paper.”
Your eyebrows furrowed, and you glanced down at your feet, which were covered by a pair of fuzzy socks. “Uhh, I’m not stomping?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Y/N, I’m serious, stop yelling. This paper is due tomorrow and it’s like 15% of my final grade.” 
“And I’m serious too?” Your tone was perplexed, because you weren’t yelling at all, “I was just pacing, Xuxi, like this.”
You took a few steps back and forth to show him, footsteps light, barely audible, and his face scrunched up in discomfort. 
“But… it’s so loud. It’s giving me a headache.”
You made a face, before your eyebrows shot up, and your ears did as well. 
“Do you think it’s because of the hormones?” You asked, lowering your voice so it was just above a whisper, “Taemin said that would probably happen, remember? Wolves have crazy hearing.”
He opened his mouth to answer, before closing it again. He flashed you a weird look, before shaking his head. “Okay...? I’ll tell hyung that it’s working… But like, can you please just sit down while you study?” 
You nodded, sympathetic, and he closed the door. But a few seconds later, he reopened it. He looked a bit confused. “Is that… new perfume?”
It was your turn to make a face at him. “Huh?”
He shook his head, still looking confused. “Uh, nothing,” He mumbled, waving a dismissive hand, “Never mind. Forget I asked.” 
He closed the door a final time, and you were left even more weirded out than you already were. 
Somehow, he got even taller than he already was. A few days later when you were making breakfast for the both of you and you had your back turned, he came and hugged you from behind, still addled with sleep. You paid him no mind, continuing your task. One of his arms wrapped itself around your neck, almost as if he were trying to put you into a loving headlock, something he often did. In response, you did what you often did whenever he did so, which was to nuzzle your chin against his forearm.
"Good morning," He hummed, voice deep and raspy, “That smells good."
“For you,” You answered, scrunching up your nose as you turned over the bacon, “I feel like you forget sometimes that my genes make me a herbivore, Xuxi.”
Lucas stepped away, and you frowned at the loss of warmth. “Eh, sometimes. Do you want me to grab a plate?”
You set down the spatula before turning off the stove, as you turned to face him. 
“You can serve yours—oh my god.”
You had lifted your head to where you usually did to look up at Lucas, and for some reason, had only been met with his neck. You craned your neck back even further, and met his eyes, which held a confused look, eyebrows furrowed, mouth agape. 
“Did you get… smaller?”
“No,” You mumbled, still in disbelief, “I think you got… bigger. H-how tall exactly were you again?”
“Uh, 1.83 meters.”
You nodded, closing your mouth. “Yeah, you’re definitely more than that now.”
Lucas peered down at you, gaze slightly concerned. “This is starting to get really weird. Should I write this down?”
You frowned, looking him up and down. The shirt he’d went to bed with, an oversized white tee, now fit him better. “Yukhei, at this point, I think you should go see Taemin. Did he even mention growth spurts?”
Lucas blinked, before pushing the hair out of his still puffy, sleep ridden eyes. “Hmm, I don’t think he did. I’ll eat breakfast and then go see him.”
According to Lucas, when he’d gotten back, Taemin had been over the moon when he’d measured him and found he’d grown almost 11 centimeters in his sleep, now standing at 1.94 meters. 
Everything had been somewhat tolerable. Not yet batshit insane. Lucas’s mood swings were relatively easy to handle as long as you left him alone whenever he seemed pissy, and he always apologized afterwards. He started staying up even later, but you didn’t really mind since he did his best not to be too loud. 
Sure, the fact that his hair started growing faster and ended up in the shower drain when he decided to “manscape” (his words, not yours) was gross, but bearable. His random bursts of energy, making him even more eccentric than he already was, were kind of like babysitting a huge, five year old Lucas doped up on caffeine. Which, while a bit more tiring to put up with, had not yet crossed into uncanny territory.
Yet. 
It all came to a head one Sunday morning, when Lucas had woken you up when he started screaming from the bathroom. You were woken from your peaceful slumber, and immediately stumbled out of bed to see what was going on, tripping on your way out the door in your panic.
“Yukhei!?” You shouted, slamming the door open. Your eyes were wide. Your heart was racing. Immediately your nose was hit with a strange odor. That put you even more on edge than you already were. Your eyes scanned the small bathroom in a haste. Your eyes fell to the corner. There, was Lucas, huddling. Knees to his chest, hands covering the top of his head, trembling and babbling incoherently, the sound muffled by the fact that his face was buried somewhere in between his knees and his chest.
“Y-Yukhei?” You repeated again, this time quieter, breathing heavily, anxiously. Was he having a panic attack? Was this a side effect of the treatment? “C-can I come closer?”
He trembled, not giving you an answer, still mumbling to himself. He seemed almost catatonic. Swallowing the lump in your throat at seeing your closest friend like this, you steeled yourself. Crouching, and slowly making your way to him, you cautiously held out an arm, and slowly, slowly, touched his hand.
He immediately flinched away, your heart dropping at his action. He sniffled, letting out a little sob, and tears sprung into your eyes. You blinked them away as best you could. He needed someone to lean on, and you couldn’t do that if you were an emotional mess.
“No, no,” He cried, voice small. “Please, stay away.”
“Yukhei,” You murmured, voice wavering, “I’m not gonna leave you like this. W-what’s wrong? Tell me Xuxi, please. You’re scaring me.”
“Y-you’ll hate me.”
You gasped quietly, resting your hand on his. “Xuxi… I could never hate you.”
“Even looking like this!?” He snapped harshly, lifting his gaze, dropping his arms, and you fell back onto your butt in shock. Your mouth fell open, eyes wide, white ears stood at full attention.
You peered into Lucas’s teary, red rimmed eyes. Only they weren’t Lucas’s eyes. Lucas’s eyes had always been a deep, rich brown, reminiscent of the earth. But these eyes were a bright, glowing amber, seeming almost radioactive in how much brighter they were than Lucas's old eye color. 
Your mouth moved as you scrambled to say something, but no sound came out. Your eyes caught the attention of something twitching atop Lucas’s head, and you blinked dumbly, taking in the salt and pepper pointy ears peeking out between his caramel colored hair, before scanning his entire body and taking in the thick tail swishing back and forth behind him.
The blood in your body ran cold as you took a deep breath through the nose. Lucas’s signature scent of cinnamon was still there, but now overpowered by the strange odor from earlier. You realized with a chill that the scent was earthy, musky, a smell you were no stranger to as a hybrid. Your animal instincts automatically kicked in, whispering in your mind: predator. wolf. danger. danger. danger.
 “I…” Your voice was hoarse as you pushed yourself up onto the balls of your feet, inching closer towards him slowly, despite the hairs on your neck standing straight up and telling you to run far, far away. 
“Y-Yukhei, what happened?”
He shook his head, shaking like a leaf. “I don’t know,” He mumbled in a daze, and although he was staring at you with those strange yellow eyes, you got the impression from the blank look in them that he wasn’t really looking at you. “I woke up, and I c-came in here and I looked in the mirror and…”
He didn’t finish, but you got the point. You pursed your lips, before making your way towards him, but he let out a groan and you froze in your spot as he knocked his head against the wall, eyes fluttering shut. 
“What is that smell?” He growled, “Why do you smell like that?”
“Like what?” You asked quietly, anticipating his answer. He shook his head, cracking his eyes open ever so slightly to peer at you. His gaze seemed to freeze you in place. 
“Like… jasmine? I mean, it’s so strong…”
You stared at him, wide-eyed, unable to tell him that that was your characteristic scent as a hybrid. You were still reeling from the fact that Lucas, who up until yesterday, aside from a few obnoxious habits, had been very human, was now a hybrid just like you, with ears and a tail and…
You glanced down at his gritted teeth, taking note of the very, very sharp canines that had seemingly grown overnight. 
You gulped, looking up at him. His wide eyes showed you that he was just as terrified as you were, and you swallowed back your wariness when your heart clenched at the sight. He needed help more than you needed comforting.“We need to get you to Taemin. Now.”
You had to force Lucas into his car, which was not easy in his dazed state, considering he was so much bigger than you. Towering over you, pure muscle, and basically a limp rag doll. In your panic, you’d forgotten your phone, your pants, and to give Lucas some shoes. You did the driving despite the fact that it was his car. He still seemed too frazzled to do so, so you buckled him up and started the ten minute drive to Taemin’s apartment.  
On the way, you did your best to ignore the situation at hand. That just because Lucas was a predator hybrid now didn’t automatically make him like the rest of them. Lucas wasn’t like the pervy fox hybrids who would follow you for blocks when you were in high school. He wasn’t like the snow leopard you’d forced off of yourself. He was Lucas, he was Yukhei. He was your Xuxi, and you needed to repeat yourself that he wouldn’t hurt a fly. 
The silence in the car was tense. You were sure that with his heightened senses, Lucas could hear everything, and you didn’t want to say anything to upset him further. He didn’t say anything to you. You didn’t say anything to him. And when you parked in front of Taemin’s apartment building, you got him out of the car, and grabbed him by the hand to walk to the door.
You were grateful it was Sunday morning. There weren’t that many people out on the street as you tapped your foot impatiently, pressing the button to buzz the comm on Taemin’s apartment incessantly. The few people that did pass were more focused on your sleep-addled bedhead and bare feet than anything else, and you thanked the universe for the fact that your oversized sleep shirt fell to your mid thighs. 
“It’s eight in the morning. Literally what do you want,” A deep, groggy voice grumbled, and you rolled your eyes. Finally.
“It’s Y/N and Lucas,” You said into the speaker, pressing a hand to your forehead in frustration. “You need to see this, now.”
 “Uhh, it’s Jongin,” The voice mumbled, and your eyes squeezed shut. He sounded so hungover. And whenever Jongin was hungover, that probably meant Taemin was hungover as well, and that it was generally Baekhyun’s idea. 
“Wake Taem up, please, Nini,” You pleaded desperately. “It’s life or death.”
“Fine, fine, okay. Come on up.”
When you made it up to their floor, a bedraggled Jongin opened the door. He was shirtless, his hair was sticking up in random spots, his face was still puffy, and he didn’t look happy to be woken up.
He looked you up and down, eyebrows furrowing at your appearance. “I swear this had better be good,” He told you, before turning to look at Lucas, “or I’m gonna—”
Jongin cut himself off as he registered the pointy ears, the fluffy tail, and the glowing yellow eyes. His eyes widened, certainly looking more awake now. His mouth started moving, but no sound came out.
“I—uh—is this why—?”
“Get Taemin,” You snapped, ready to kill him. You were furious, to say the least, ready to barge in and kick Taemin’s ass. This was his fault, all in the name of mad science. But then you added softly, voice wavering, “I don’t know what to do.”
For someone who almost never stopped talking, Taemin had nothing to say, for once. Instead, his eyes turned wide as saucers, his eyebrows jumped up to his hairline, and you were sure that if his jaw could have dropped any lower, it would have fallen below sea level. When he finally did manage to speak, his voice was small and unsure, and he never stopped gawking at the ears on Lucas’s head.
“Uh… Y-Y/N, Jongin, could you give us a minute, please?” 
So you did, letting them walk off to Taemin’s bedroom, and as Jongin sat you down on the couch to make you some tea, Baekhyun emerged from his own bedroom. Baekhyun at least looked a bit more awake than the dynamic duo, who, in their hungover state, both looked like the walking dead. 
“Y/N?” He asked, seeing you on the couch. He had a small but confused smile on his face. “What are you doing here…?”
“You’re not gonna believe what Taemin did to Yukhei,” Jongin’s voice declared from the kitchen. Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows, craning his head once, to look at Taemin’s shut door, again, to look at Jongin standing at the cupboard, and then to you, sitting on the couch with a blank stare on your face.
Baekhyun blinked. “Shit, did he kill him?” 
You pursed your lips, staring at him wide eyed, eyebrows furrowed. Your look was meant to convey something along the lines of, you’ve got to be kidding me. And by the way Baekhyun grimaced at himself a few moments later, broad shoulders scrunching up, he got the message loud and clear.
“Sorry. Just trying to lighten the situation, I guess?”
“Not helping, hyung,” Jongin huffed as he made his way over to you, handing you the warm mug of tea. You accepted it with a quiet “thanks,” before blowing on the tea and taking a quick sip. 
“What even happened?” Jongin’s deep voice was quiet, concerned. He sat down next to you, and Baekhyun sat down on your other side.
So you told the story from the beginning of the treatment, all the way up to when you decided to bring Lucas to Taemin. The hearing, the growth spurt, his mood swings. They listened, nodding along to the story and thankfully, not interrupting. From Baekhyun, at least, that was surprising. 
When you finished, you looked at them, then at your tea, which didn't feel as hot anymore. You lifted the mug to your lips, relishing the warm chamomile taste as Baekhyun opened his mouth to speak. Still not very comforting, but at least you were filling your stomach with something.
"Wow…" He mumbled, still in slight disbelief. "So, Yukhei's a hybrid now?"
“I guess. I don’t know.” Your voice sounded empty. 
Jongin sighed, gaze pensive. “What’s gonna happen between the two of you, though? You live together. You of all people know that prey hybrids and predator hybrids, living together in tiny spaces don’t really mix well.”
You frowned, settling the mug down on their coffee table. “It’s not like he’s gonna become one of those asshole-y hybrids overnight, y’know?” “Didn’t you say he snapped at you this morning?” Baekhyun asked, tilting his head. “You said he was having mood swings, too.” 
You shook your head, fluffy ears flattening against it as the stress seemed to accumulate in your body. “It wasn’t like that. I think he was just freaked out. And as for his mood swings… I don’t know.”
An awkward silence filled the room, and you gazed at your hands on your lap. 
“Uh, Y/N…” Jongin mumbled, tips of his ears a bright red, “A-are you wearing pants?”
“Oh,” You answered dumbly, feeling your face heat up, “Um… No? I kind of panicked and, uh, forgot to put some on.”
Jongin stood, holding out a hand. “Come on, you can borrow one of mine. You must be cold, right?”
You nodded, glancing at Baekhyun, who had a sympathetic smile on his face. You looked back to Jongin, and took his hand to stand up. He pulled you toward his room, trying to make you smile by telling you about his drunken escapades with Baekhyun and Taemin during karaoke. 
“Baekhyun almost got us kicked out while he was singing some Mamamoo song,” He said with a laugh, “You know how loud he gets.”
You smiled, giggling quietly as he opened a drawer, searching for something you could wear. After a few moments of fumbling around, he pulled out a pair of gray sweatpants, and shuffled towards you. 
“So,” You said, reaching for the fabric, “I’m guessing you and Taemin did your usual rendition of Fergali—”
The sound of a door opening across the hall interrupted you, one ear lifting as you turned your head. Taemin emerged, Lucas trailing behind him. Taemin had changed out of his pajamas and was now wearing some jeans and a t-shirt. Your eyes immediately met Lucas’s, but a second after, his eyes fell to Jongin, then the pair of pants you were reaching out for, then back to you. His gaze was hollow, unreadable, but his eyes still shone bright amber. Jongin tucked the fabric into your hands, and took a step away from you. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
“Hey, man, how are you doing?”
“Not really good, if I’m honest,” Lucas answered, practically glaring at the older man. You frowned at his tone. He was rarely this quiet.
“I did a quick check-up,” Taemin declared, “I don’t see any immediate risk, he seems to be safe for now.”
Your shoulders sagged, as you sighed in relief, tension leaving your body.
“But I’m still taking him to the lab,” Taemin said, eyes serious. “We never foresaw these... mutations. I need to run some tests and contact the team and the other test subjects. Y/N, you can stay here if you want, I don’t think Jongin and Baek hyung would mind—” 
“Head home, Y/N,” Lucas interjected, deep voice serious and clipped. He kept shifting his eyes in between you and Jongin. “I woke you up, you should go get some more sleep.”
The deep authority in his voice startled you. A small thought crossed your mind, submit, obey, and you realized that these were your rabbit instincts kicking in as it registered a predator in your midst. And that only happened when predator hybrids used a specific tone of speech, one used only to take command over a situation with other hybrids. It was a bit hard to disobey, but not impossible. With a chill, you realized he was probably doing this subconsciously. 
This wasn’t how things were supposed to work, not with Lucas. Yes, Lucas had become this thing that you’d been told to fear, but it wasn’t necessarily him. You blinked, looking at Jongin, then at Taemin. You realized that Taemin and Jongin were staring at each other awkwardly, before looking at Lucas again. Despite your sleepy state, you knew your anxiety wouldn’t let you rest. And to be frank, you didn’t want to be alone after what had happened. “I could wait for you here, Xuxi, and then we could head back home together—”
“I can drop him off at your place!” Taemin said, an awkward smile plastered on his face. “It’s no problem, you should head on home…” You furrowed your eyebrows, before nodding slowly at having your actions countered.
“Huh,” You answered slowly, remembering all of the times Taemin had gotten pissy about giving you and Lucas a ride home (gas money, he complained), even though his apartment wasn’t that far from yours, “Okay…? I’ll head home in a little bit. You guys be careful.”
Lucas nodded, face not changing. He was upset, you could tell, but he was completely justified, given everything that he’d been through. You didn’t appreciate him taking it out on everyone around him, though. 
“Yukhei, let’s go.” Taemin seemed all too eager to drag Lucas away, and you watched, bewildered at the strange shift in energy between the three men. You’d known Jongin and Taemin since your freshman year of college, and Lucas since junior year of high school. Never had you seen the three of them act like this.
You turned to Jongin once you heard the front door close. He was shifting back and forth awkwardly. “That was… weird.”
“Well,” He said, scratching at the back of his neck, “This whole morning has been a bit weird, don’t you think?”
You gave a sardonic smile, trying to figure out how to explain your thoughts. “I mean, yeah, but… I don’t know. Regardless of that, everything just seemed off between the three of you.”
Jongin’s eyes met yours. He looked a bit taken aback.
“You can’t be serious.”
You shook your head. “What?”
Jongin’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh my god,” He muttered, more to himself, “You really don’t know.”
“Jongin, what?”
“Yukhei likes you,” Jongin confessed, rubbing at his chin, “He has for years.”
Your ears shoot straight up, eyes widening. Immediately your face heated up, and your free hand shot upwards, waving them back and forth.
"What? Huh? No. No, no, no. We’re just—" 
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” He countered, “You’re friends. But he wants to be more. He’s told me so, several times.”
When you didn’t answer, he walked around you to sit on his bed. He sighed, looking upwards as he gathered his thoughts, trying to figure out what to say. 
“Y/N, you’re smart. And you’re an independent person, and you value that because of how some people still treat hybrids. Especially prey hybrids. I know that. You know  that. Yukhei knows that. But…” He sighed again, shaking his head.
“You don’t see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. He… he looks at you like you’re the only person in the world, or like you invented pizza, or something. And right now, his behavior…”
He groaned in exasperation, and you raised an eyebrow. “What?”  
“I don’t know how to put it other way than territorial,” He grumbled with a frown, “The way he was acting was like that look, but more aimed at me. Like, she’s the only one I see, don’t look at her the way I do. And I’m no expert on hybrid behavior, but…”
You didn’t know what to think, but you completed his thought anyway. 
“...You think Lucas was acting possessive.”
“I don’t think, I know,” He said, “He seemed really standoffish, and you should be careful. Not because he’s dangerous—this is Yukhei we’re talking about—but because it might strain your friendship.”
You remained silent for a few seconds, absorbing everything he’d told you. 
You didn’t want to believe him. 
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You went home not much later, trying to process everything you’d seen and heard that morning in the silence of the car as you drove through traffic, still pantsless. You didn’t feel comfortable accepting Jongin’s pants after everything he’d pointed out in Lucas’s behavior.
Lucas, your mind continued to think, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.
You’d known Lucas for so long at this point, he’d always just been your best friend. You’d never really wanted anything else from him.
You knew people had been expecting the two of you to get together for years. Your friends had told you, your family had told you, and now, his friends had told you that there was something going on between you and him. And every time, you’d been adamant to deny it. No, he’s like my brother. No, he’s my best friend. No, I don’t see him that way. No, he’s seeing someone. No, I don’t have time for a relationship, anyway. 
Lucas was attractive, you knew that. You had eyes. You had ears. Regardless of his looks, he was effortlessly charming and funny, and that would make anyone attractive. You saw how people swooned and fawned over him, despite him rarely being interested. But he’d always just been your best friend, the one who supported you through everything and made you laugh on your darkest days. And from living with him for the past few years, you considered it a bit awkward to be attracted to someone after seeing them scratch their ass as nonchalantly as possible in front of you as he had. 
That was until this morning, when he’d spoken using that tone of voice. You still weren’t sure how to feel about that. It gave you the chills, but... not in the way you’d expected. Something instinctual had begged you to submit to him. That didn’t usually happen to you when you heard other hybrids used that tone. Usually, you would feel a small tug in your gut, maybe a small flutter of anxiousness, but most of the time all it achieved was a roll of your eyes. But not with him. Not with Lucas.
You thought about it the entire way home. You thought about it on the way up to your apartment. You thought about it as you crawled into your bed, closed your eyes, and finally allowed your mind to be at peace once more. You slept until noon, then made yourself some lunch, showered, and worked on a few assignments you had for your classes.
Lucas came home several hours later, just before 7 PM. He no longer seemed as tense as this morning, but tired, instead. You didn’t blame him. His eyes had faded back to their warm, welcoming shade of brown, which didn’t surprise you. Wolf hybrids’ eyes tended to glow like that whenever they were on edge about something.
“How are you doing?” You asked, as he sat down on the couch. “Is everything alright?”
Slowly, you sat down next to him, wondering if he’d still be snappy as he had this morning. His neck turned to look down at you, and with a deep sigh, he nodded. 
“Medically, I’m sound. They still need to run a few tests, to see if this is something permanent, or not. I’ve been ordered to stop taking the pills, for now.”
You nodded, giving him a small smile out of relief. 
“Thank god,” You murmured, “I was worried about that. But how are you doing?”
He swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing as he did so. He shrugged, pursing his lips. His body shifted towards you, and before you knew it, he’d tackled you into a hug, burying his face into your neck. He seemed to be holding back tears again, and your eyes fluttered shut as he spoke again. “Honestly? I don’t know,” He said, voice small and muffled against your skin, “Things like this are so… different. I found out several things have changed basically overnight.”
“Like what?” Your arms came to wrap around him, trying to calm him down.
“Fuck, I don’t even know. Like, I can smell so much more, now. I can see in the dark, apparently? I can hear so much, Y/N. I’ve been poked and prodded all day and no one knows if this is gonna go away and I’m just… I’m scared.”
He shook his head, shifting to bury his head again, but this time into the other side of your neck. Your hand began to comb through his hair, trying to avoid touching the furry ears that now resided atop his head.
You shook your head, humming. You rested your chin against his shoulder, nuzzling into his form, and his large hands rose to your waist, arms wrapping around it. You looked down when you saw vague movement from below your gaze, and smiled to yourself when you saw Yukhei's tale wagging with contentment. 
“Everything will work out fine, Yukhei,” You whispered, “What matters now is that you’re safe, you’re healthy. You’re so strong, Xuxi. Whatever life throws at you, even if it knocks you down, you always get up with that big smile of yours and keep going.”
He nodded against your neck, cuddling even closer to you. “Thank you,” He answered, before pulling his head away. His eyebrows were furrowed, dark eyes peering into yours from above you. 
“This morning,” He mumbled, “When you were in Jongin hyung’s room. I said something. And I don’t know what it was but it felt…” 
You forced your face to remain blank and expressionless, and broke eye contact, trying to gather your words. God, you didn’t know what to tell him. “Oh… Yeah. That’s sort of a, uh, special tone more dominant predator hybrids use. I don’t really know how to explain it. I’m sure there’s some scientific term, but uh… yeah.”
“Oh.” He pulled away from you slowly, resting against the couch. You nodded awkwardly. 
“I don’t hate you,” You said suddenly. “This morning, in the bathroom, you didn’t want to let me look at you because you thought I’d hate you… I don’t. I could never.”
He smiled, but didn’t meet your eyes. “We don’t have to make this awkward, do we? I don’t feel any different just because of… this. You’re still my best friend, Y/N.”
You nodded, smiling. “Why should it be awkward? I don't think this will change anything, Xuxi.”
Finally, he looked at you, and your eyes found his. His smile grew, and yours did as well. 
“I’m gonna go to bed,” He said moments later, as his hand rose to rub at his neck, “I’m insanely tired.”
“Good night, Xuxi,” You told him as he stood.
 “Good night, bunny.”
When he walked into his room without another word, you watched as he did so, closing the door to his room, right across the hall from yours. You rubbed at a kink in your neck, inhaling deeply as you did so. 
A few moments later, you stopped, eyebrows furrowing. You frowned, ears perking up ever so slightly as something gained your attention. You sniffled once, twice, three times.
Usually, you couldn’t perceive your own hybrid scent unless you consciously thought of it, kind of like when a person thinks of breathing and starts doing it manually rather than automatically. But now, you couldn’t do it. 
Instead, only the scent that you’d registered this morning as Lucas’s remained in its place. Your breath hitched as you realized that Lucas, in hugging you and burying his face in your neck, had scented you. 
There’s no way he did that on purpose… right?
Did Lucas even know about scenting? Was he even aware that it was a courting gesture between hybrids, and a way to tell other hybrids to back off?
Your mind drifted back to what Jongin had said this morning, and you sighed as you once again contemplated the situation. Within a day, both your life and Lucas’s had made a turn for the stranger, and no one knew whether this would be permanent or not.
Shaking your head to yourself, you stood, making your way to your room. This is only awkward if I make it awkward. Lucas doesn’t know hybrid behavior very well because up until this morning, he wasn’t one. Y/N L/N, you’re not going to make this awkward. This isn’t about you being ‘uncomfortable’, this is about Lucas’s wellbeing. You’re not going to make this awkward, you’re not going to make this awkward!
When you reached your door, you took one last glance at Lucas’s door, deciding that you would do your best to help him, for his sake.  
It couldn’t get that awkward, right? Especially not if you tried your best to make it as such. The both of you could continue living as if nothing had changed, right?
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Wrong. 
The next few days, it was almost as if the conversation you’d had that night had never happened, but not for your lack of trying. The next morning when you emerged from your bedroom, you found that Lucas was already gone, probably off to class. You shrugged it off, but still found it kind of strange.
When you got home from your classes and studying at the library, he was in the kitchen, eating a sandwich, and you greeted him, and he answered with a vague “hello”, not really paying you much attention. You thought it was strange, but chalked it up to him probably being tired. 
Then it happened the next day, and the day after that, and the next day, and the next, and the next. And almost overnight, you had no idea who this person who had replaced your best friend was. You felt hurt, trying your best to speak to him when you returned to your apartment. He wouldn’t budge, and you’d back off before you pissed him off too much. 
He didn’t look at you the same way he once did. It was like all of the warmth and happiness from his eyes had been sucked out of them, leaving a winter that rivaled the north pole. You couldn’t recall the last time he’d laughed around you.
You missed Lucas. You really did, and the worst thing was that you couldn’t tell if he felt the same thing. You didn’t want to confront him, telling yourself he was going through a tough time. You could tell it frustrated him, having this new tail twitch and to knock something over, the augmented senses distorting and amplifying everything around him. 
He confessed about three weeks, in a clipped tone, that Taemin couldn’t be sure if it was permanent or not. Nothing like this had ever happened to anyone before. There was no way test designed for this situation, and Taemin would have to design a safe way to test it. Which meant time, money, and patience. Two of which, those being money and patience, Lucas had never had much of. 
“Oh, Xuxi,” You’d sighed when he told him, “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be.” He set down the textbook he’d been holding onto the table. “You didn’t do it.”
You stepped forward, and he stepped back, almost immediately as you had. You frowned. “Please don’t do that,” You mumbled, now kind of angry. 
“Do what,” He sighed, as if the conversation was exhausting.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know.” You were glaring at him now. “You’ve been avoiding me like the goddamn plague.”
“And what if I am?” He asked, turning to face you. The ears on his head twitched restlessly, and his eyes were burning with what seemed to be contempt. “What if I can’t stand to be around you anymore?”
Your eyes widened, taken aback. After weeks of him not giving you the time of day, for him to say that was too much for you to take sitting down. You scoffed angrily, tapping your foot anxiously. “Excuse me? Where is this coming from?”
He stood up straight, and somewhere in your mind, a little alarm went off in your head at the sheer size of him. He always slouched, just a little. To see him like this, especially now that he’d grown so much, was jarring.
“You heard me,” He said in a tone you could only describe as threatening, taking a step towards you, and this time, you took a step back. “I can't stand being around you anymore. I can’t stand your face, or your voice, or your scent, or your voice. You get on my nerves, and sometimes I swear, I just wanna...”
He didn’t finish.
You shook your head, laughing humorlessly, despite the fact that your heart was cracking with every passing second. You didn’t know this person. Sadness and anger swirled in your chest, creating a mixture that made you grit your teeth. 
You weren’t backing down from this, not after giving him space to himself only to turn around and tell you this. You took a step forward, crossing your arms. “Um, why? What did I ever do or say?” 
He didn’t answer, fully scowling now. His eyes studied your face, but after a few moments, it dropped lower. You realized almost immediately he was looking at your neck. You swallowed nervously, forcing yourself to not look away when he met your eyes again. 
Still, no answer, and you groaned, causing him to snap out of his strange reverie. “Fine. Don’t fucking tell me. See if I care, Yukhei.”
You stepped away from him one last time, walking towards your room. 
“I don’t owe you a fucking explanation, you know! I don’t owe you shit!” He yelled, and you jumped at his sudden burst of anger. You turned, incredulous. Even he seemed to be shocked by the volume of his voice, wolf ears pressed against his head, like a puppy who’d just gotten chastised.
“And I don’t need you yelling at me! Just because you hate me doesn’t give you the right to treat me like shit!” You answered desperately, just as loud. You hated the way that your voice cracked towards the end of your tirade, eyes welling with tears and throat closing up. You blinked the tears back furiously, taking one final look at the increasingly sad look on his face before slamming your bedroom door behind you. 
Finally alone, you took a few deep breaths, trying to think over what had just happened. 
You’d known Yukhei for years. Never once had he raised his voice at you or anyone else. And here he’d just exploded at you, telling you that he couldn’t stand you or the things that made you, well, you.
You sat on your bed, body numb, as the tears began to flow freely. But you couldn’t bring yourself to make noise. You couldn’t bring yourself to curl up sob into your pillow . You knew that he would most likely be able to hear you if you did, and you didn’t want to give him that satisfaction. 
Instead, you laid back, trying your hardest to control your breathing, and fell asleep like that, with the tears falling into your hair, eyeliner and mascara streaking along your skin, feeling utterly destroyed.
After that, you felt yourself giving him an even wider berth than before. You didn’t speak to him unless you absolutely needed to, like when you couldn’t reach the sugar that had suspiciously ended up on the highest shelf, (even though you were the only one to use it) and needed him to hand it to you.
If you walked into the living room and he also happened to be in there, you two would meet eyes briefly, before you walked away. His gaze was never cold, but rather emotionless. Indifferent, bordering on unreadable. It still hurt to see. The only thing that could describe the mood of the apartment was tense. You quickly learned to hate living in such a suffocating environment.
The only "good" thing was that finals were right around the corner, so you were able to distract yourself from the whole situation and pour all of your concentration into studying into the wee hours of the morning. 
But that only lasted for so long.
Taemin had mentioned a heightened libido as a side effect of the treatment. As far as you could tell, Yukhei didn't give off any signs of that. It didn’t even make sense, considering he’d stopped taking the pills ever since the mutation had occurred.
However, for some reason, the universe decided that it wanted to cause you trouble on purpose. 
You came home one day to strange noises coming from Yukhei's bedroom. And when you got closer, it didn't take much for you to realize what was going on between him and whoever he'd brought home. Deep groans, high pitched moaning, and the undeniable sound of skin slapping against skin. Even worse, the smell. It smelled like sex, and sweat, and Yukhei. 
Maybe if you'd been human, you wouldn't have smelled it. But alas, you weren't, and so your heightened sense of smell painted a picture you didn't want to see. Of Yukhei and some stranger, him on top of her, fucking brutally into her.
"Yes, fuck, right there!" 
You damn near jumped out of your skin, then immediately cringing because… well. How could you describe the nasty feeling building suddenly in the pit of your stomach? It wasn't disgust. It wasn't… no. It couldn't be jealousy. Could it have been a mix of the two? 
You couldn't be sure.
And that was only the first time it'd happened. Soon enough, it was happening two or three times a week.
You suddenly started spending more time away from the apartment. Be it at the library, at the café right off campus, at your best friend Mark's apartment. 
But at night, you were on your own, having to listen to Yukhei plow a seemingly endless array of girls into his mattress while you were either studying or trying to sleep. 
Your girlfriends still lived at the college dorms, and there wouldn't be enough space for you there. You didn't want to impose on Mark, since you were already spending most of your day with him and he shared his apartment with four other guys. You certainly didn't want to ask to sleep over at Taemin's, not after what Jongin had told you.
You were more or less trapped in your apartment past nine PM. You wondered if this was how Fiona felt in the first Shrek film when she couldn't go outside at night.
Yukhei was loud, you came to learn. He groaned, he grunted, he growled. He had a filthy vocabulary and, if you were to go by what the girl he'd brought home past Thursday said, leaving out all the gory details, he was very… well endowed. 
You still weren't quite sure how to feel about constantly having to hear him from across the hall. You weren't judging him, not at all. It was none of your business, and as he'd so rudely put it, he didn't owe you an explanation.
But with exams rolling around, and stress starting to build up, you were disappointed, but not surprised to realize that your sexual frustration was doing the same. And Yukhei, with his pretty face, broad shoulders, foul mouth and maddening scent, was not doing you any favors by practically acting out porn across the hallway. 
Even worse? Mating season was approaching. 
The actual duration of heats and ruts for all hybrids varied, but a grand majority of hybrids went through them during the first few weeks of winter, regardless of whether they were predators or prey. 
So while it pained you to say it, Yukhei’s across the hall antics were not doing you any favors. You found yourself lying awake on a Saturday at one in the morning, after a particularly rough Friday. Meanwhile he was with yet another girl, listening to him dirty talk her to high heaven. You had your eyes closed, trying to sleep in the dark of your bedroom, but it wasn’t easy given what was going on.
If you hadn’t been in a sleep deprived delirium, you wouldn’t have allowed your mind to drift to Yukhei, or to focus on the vulgar words he was saying. His words were muffled by the walls, but it was still pretty easy for you to hear them, ears perking up as you did.
“Yeah, baby, you love my cock, don’t you?”
If you hadn’t been so tired, you would have put in some headphones and listened to some soft music until you were able to fall asleep, instead of letting your breath hitch while your sleepy mind conjured an image of a sweaty Yukhei on top of you, doing to you what he’d been doing to the entire campus.
“So fucking tight around me…”
And you definitely wouldn’t have stuck your hand down your pants, with one hand, covering your mouth with the other. But you did, imagining that it was Yukhei’s fingers and not yours pinching at your clit, teasing around your slit, feeling yourself get wet with every passing second. Hard to do, considering Yukhei’s fingers were so much longer than yours were, and you clenched around nothing at the thought of his pretty hands and how deep they could reach inside of you.
You opened your legs a little more, eyes fluttering shut as your index finger delved inside of you, stifling a quiet moan. Even in your sleepy haze your mind told you not to be too loud, because you knew that Yukhei could end up hearing it, and you didn’t want to seem like a creep after everything that had already happened. Slowly, you built up to a speed that you felt went well with the sound of skin against skin.
“Fuck, baby, you gonna come soon? I’m so close...”
Your breathing turned heavy, and suddenly the sheets were too hot, kicking them off of you before adding in a second finger, relishing in the stretch and the way your palm rubbed against your clit in a deliciously frustrating way. You hesitated briefly before adding a third finger, searching desperately for a spot that would cause you to see stars before they cramped up too bad.
When you did manage to find it, your body curled in on itself, biting down on your lip to stop yourself from making any noise. So embarrassingly fast, you felt yourself nearing climax, listening as the moans and groans escalated in pitch and in volume. You pulled your other hand away from your mouth to rub at your clit, and your eyebrows furrowed, mouth tipping open in silent moans. You prayed to whatever cosmic force that ruled over the universe in hopes that you wouldn’t make too much noise.
“Shit, shit, I’m c-coming, baby…” You heard him say, before switching to Cantonese to swear, and with that, your orgasm came crashing against you.
Your toes curled, your eyes squeezed shut, and before you could bury your head in your pillow, you squeaked out the softest possible whine, “Yukhei…”
When you came back down, you were quick to fall asleep, ignoring the stickiness in your panties or the smell of sweat permeating your room, too tired to bring yourself to care. 
You didn’t hear the shuffling of feet as Yukhei kicked this girl out of the apartment, too on edge after having heard your whimpering.
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After that, Yukhei didn’t bring home any other girls, and you brushed it off as him needing to concentrate for finals. The coming weeks were filled with all nighters, cups of coffee, tears and desperation as you somehow managed to pass all of your classes.
 You and Yukhei continued to practically tiptoe around each other, still not speaking. Now, however, it was more due to a lack of time than anger geared towards each other. Yes, you could still sense animosity when you crossed paths but it was getting… strange. While he almost never spoke, Yukhei’s wide eyes seemed to follow you whenever you passed him.
Now, the apartment had turned silent, rather than tense. You felt like you should anticipate something but you weren’t sure what. Many times, you could feel Yukhei before you saw him, and while before, at the apartment he tended to avoid you like a criminal dodging the law, now you always felt him close, his scent never far from where you were. On campus, you didn’t have that problem, rarely seeing him due to your different majors. But at home, it seemed like you could rarely hide from him. 
Finally, winter break was so close to rolling around, and all you needed to do was take two more exams, and hand in one final paper. Then you were free, and all you needed to do was call up your… friend, Doyoung.
You used the term “friend” very, very loosely. 
Doyoung was the only other rabbit hybrid you trusted enough to spend your heats with, and you really only spoke to him during this time of year. He was kind and soft spoken, and attentive to your needs when you were in heat despite him also being affected by his own rut. He was also insanely good in bed, and not too bad on the eyes either.
He enjoyed your arrangement, and wasn’t looking for anything serious, which you appreciated. This would have been your third heat spent with him.
You called him a week before your heat was due to start, and he swung by your apartment for a quick visit to discuss where you would go, how long your doctor had told you it would last, and generally to just catch up with each other.
Yukhei was out, probably studying with Mark or something. All you knew was that he was out. 
Doyoung was cute. Really cute. His ears, white with black tips were generally stood at attention. His broad shoulders and gummy smile were too much, and even though it was a week before your heat was supposed to start you kind of had to resist jumping his bones when you let him inside. 
You managed, somehow, and he sat down next to you at your small dinner table. 
“So, how’s Lucas?” He asked once all of the details were worked out. You were going to stay at his apartment for the following week.
You pursed your lips, sighing. “He’s, uh… It’s complicated.”
He shook his head, a nervous smile gracing his face.
“What do you mean it’s complicated?”
You shrugged, letting your eyes flutter shut. “It’s a long story.”
“So? Tell it,” He said, ears twitching, “I’ve got all day.”
So you did. From the treatment, to the mutation, to what Jongin had said, to the shift in his behavior, to the argument, to him bringing random girls home, even including the bit about you masturbating to him that one time. You didn’t spare the details, given that you’d probably had more sex with Doyoung within the span of both of your heats than you’d ever had with all of your previous partners combined. There was no point in being vague.
You worried you might be airing out you and Yukhei’s dirty laundry, but continued anyway. Doyoung was a good guy. He wasn’t going to blab to anyone about it. During your whole tirade, he remained emotionless, nodding along to show he was still listening to you. When you finished, he took a deep breath, ears falling against his head. He blinked a few times.
“Phew,” He whistled, “That’s… a lot. Sounds like he’s going through a tough time.”
You nodded, staring at your hands on your lap. “I know. I want to help him but I’m scared he’s gonna yell at me again and I don’t want to have to push him away even more. I miss him, Doie. I miss my best friend.”
Doyoung offered a sympathetic smile, patting you on the back. “Can I be honest?” His voice was soft, not demanding. You, always appreciative of his candor, nodded. 
“I don’t think you just miss your best friend, Y/N.”
Your head snapped upward to meet his gaze, sympathetic smile still there as he continued to rub up and down your back, now slower.
“No goddamn way,” You denied vehemently, shaking your head, “I don’t like him.”
“You’re right,” Doyoung answered, “You don’t like Yukhei. You’re in love with him.”
You spluttered, looking away as you felt your face heat up. “Y-you can’t really mean that, Doyoung. He’s like—"
“Yeah, yeah, your brother. You’ve told everyone and their mother that. But has it ever occurred to you that when you say that, it's just you trying to convince yourself? I see the way you look at him when I come to pick you up before your heats and you say goodbye to him. Your eyes just light up, and you smile like you’re the happiest you’ve ever been.”
“Well, because he makes me happy, he’s my—”
“Veggie lover’s pizza makes you happy, and I don’t see you smiling at it like it invented modern wi-fi. Yukhei? Y/N, he makes you happy happy. As in, if you were an actual bunny and not 25% bunny, you would be doing binkies around him.”
You gasped. “I would not—!”
“Would too,” He retorted, laughing slightly at your antics, “I swear, the way you talk about him—"
He would have continued, but was interrupted by the sound of the key clicking the apartment door open. Quickly, both of your heads turned to watch as Yukhei entered the apartment, eyes immediately trained on Doyoung. His expression was unreadable, but at the end of the day, both you and Doyoung, prey hybrids till the bitter end, could smell the tension that permeated his signature scent. You exchanged glances with the black haired man, and noted that his ears were standing at attention, just like yours.
 “Uh, hey, man,” Doyoung said with his iconic awkward smile, adding an awkward wave as well, “...Long time no see.” 
Yukhei remained silent for a moment as he took off his jacket, eyes still not leaving the other man. “Hello, Doyoung hyung. How have you been?” His voice was monotone, no discernible emotion in it, and you felt like you wanted the earth to swallow you then and there.
“Uhh…” Doyoung side-eyed you for the briefest second, your eyes flashing between him and Yukhei incessantly. Suddenly, you were on edge, and you knew that it was all because of the six foot tall nuisance that had just interrupted your moment with Doyoung.
“I’m... good. I was actually just about to, uh, head home,” He mumbled, and you furrowed your eyebrows as you turned to look at him, kind of taken aback. He was already getting off the couch, making sure he had everything.
You raised a tentative hand. “Hey, Doyoung—”
“Like I told you earlier, I need to go, uh… feed Jeno’s cat since he’s still out of town.”
“Uh,” You blinked, gaping like a fish, remembering the fact that you’d bumped into Jeno at the convenience store earlier today, “Take care, I guess?”
And then, quickly as Yukhei had come, Doyoung had gone, eyeing the wolf hybrid like he was about to get strangled.
When it was just the two of you, your eyes turned to look at Yukhei, and you huffed, before getting up and walking to your room. You closed your door, picking up your phone as you sat at your desk. 
doyoungie: your roommate is insane 
doyoungie: did you see the way he was looking at me? his scent was also super intimidating, y/n
doyoungie: i cant help you out, i dont feel comfortable given everything going on between the two of u
doyoungie: im really sorry y/n 
doyoungie: please be careful around him
You saw red. You chucked the phone onto your bed, too angry and upset to answer Doyoung in that moment.
Everything going on between you and Yukhei had ruined everything these past months, but this was the icing on the cake. If Doyoung wouldn’t help you, you couldn’t go over to his apartment during your heat. If you couldn’t spend your heat at Doyoung’s apartment, you would have to spend it in the apartment, with Yukhei across the hall. And if Yukhei, a predator hybrid, turned out to go into rut at the same time you, a prey hybrid, went into heat… well. 
It wasn’t even a matter of whether you would end up sleeping with him at one point or not. It was the principle of the thing. Yukhei brought home several girls to fuck and you had turned a blind eye. But god forbid you make plans to fuck someone in your own home. No, no, that was heresy. Highest treason in the land.
You slammed your door open, crossing the hall to stomp into Yukhei’s room. You ripped his door open, seething with anger. He turned in surprise, eyebrows furrowed. “Y/N, what—”
“Fuck you, Wong Yukhei,” You spat, getting straight to the point. He opened his mouth to speak, eyebrows turned downwards as he observed your angry frame. But you didn’t let him. 
“How fucking dare you. I said jack shit when you brought home all of those girls. But no, every single time I get close to another guy you put on a pissy face and puff out your chest and scare them away. What gives you the fucking right?”
He scoffed, then gave a humorless laugh. “It’s not my fault your prey hybrid boy toy can’t handle being looked at for more than five seconds.”
Your mouth fell open, glaring at him. You couldn’t believe the way he’d said the words ‘prey hybrid’ like it was something shameful. “What, do you have a problem with us prey hybrids now, or...?”
“Please,” He growled, “You’re always the one who was so willing to push predator hybrids away.”
“You of all people should know why.”
He took a step towards you, eyes meeting yours before looking at the floor. “Of course I did. And that’s why I pushed you away.”
You stared at him, incredulous at his sudden quietness. “No. Don’t you dare spin this as some little ‘woe is me’ sob story. You ghosted me. You treated me like I was trash. Maybe you didn’t want to worry me with this whole thing, which is more on par with the Lucas I know. But my Lucas, my Xuxi, would never have taken it that far.”
“Did it ever occur to you that your stupid little Xuxi isn’t coming back!?” He yelled suddenly, and your eyes widened at his display of anger. He took notice and took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, and lowered his voice. 
 Y/N, this entire thing,” He huffed, gesturing to his ears and tail, which was now swishing back and forth restlessly, “It changed me too much."
"Yukhei…"
"You think I didn't want to keep being your Xuxi? T-that I didn't want to pretend that everything was normal and keep patting your head and hugging you in the morning and calling you bunny?" 
Your demeanor faltered, and your heart sank. This wasn't how you wanted this conversation to go.
"Yukhei."
He stepped closer, and you swallowed at his sudden proximity. "I feel this… need. Inside of me. Almost all of the time, but it's strongest when you're close to me. And I don't know what it is, but every time I look at you, I want to…"
"Yukhei," you mumbled dizzily as he took another step forward, basically forcing you up against the wall. You could feel his breath on your skin as he peered down at you, eyes melancholy. He looked lonely. You felt lonely.
"I want to… God, let me kiss you."
Your breath left your body, and before you could give it a second thought, you were tilting your head, eyes falling shut as he pressed his lips to yours.
Immediately, you stood on the tips of your toes to meet him easier, and his hands cupped your face before moving to your back, and then finally splaying possessively around your waist. 
The kiss was urgent, desperate; Yukhei kissed you as if he were dying and you felt the need to match his desperation. As your lips locked against each other's, Yukhei's body stepped closer to yours, his torso now pressed against yours. Your arms rose to his broad shoulders, wrapping around his neck, releasing a whimper when he pressed his tongue into your mouth.
Your stomach lurched when he used his thigh to separate yours, hands trailing down to grasp at your thighs. He pulled away from your lips, trailing to your jaw, and you whimpered, hands combing through his hair. Lower his mouth went, planting open mouthed kisses along your neck, and you felt a fire in your stomach, readying you to submit to him.
Submit?
Your eyes shot open, and your heart dropped, and as you realized what he had said, how he had said it, you were pushing him off of you. He stumbled back, chest heaving, eyes scared, lips swollen and pink. He seemed to have realized what he’d done. “Y/N, I didn’t mean t—”
“No.” You couldn’t look him in the eye, clenching your jaw. “I came here to say that I was tired of being treated like your property when all I’ve ever been is your friend. You turned it around and used that tone with me and you used it to kiss me. I-I can’t, Yukhei. Why would you even—”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
Your eyes widened as you met his, and you slumped against the wall, inhaling sharply. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out. He took this as his cue to continue, eyes pleading and apologetic as he leaned against his desk, giving you the space you suddenly needed.
“That’s no excuse, I know that. It’s literally the worst possible excuse I could give you. I don’t know how to control this thing yet and I’m… Y/N, I’m scared that I’ll hurt you with my words or all of this strength I now have combined with instincts I don’t understand and it terrifies me. And now, with this whole mating season thing coming I feel them even stronger and I...”
“Yukhei, you’re not making any sense,” You said, voice barely above a whisper. He looked up, eyes suddenly teary. 
“How can I make my thoughts make sense when you’re the only thing on my mind right now?”
You pursed your lips, eyes squeezing shut. Your stomach swirled and your mind was jumbled, unsure what to tell him. 
“Yukhei, what are your instincts even telling you?” 
He shook his head, expression agitated as he looked you up and down. Finally, his eyes landed on your neck, and he groaned, shoving his face into his hands. 
“I can’t hurt you, Y/N. I would never forgive myself if I did.”
Your breath hitched, heart rate beginning to pick up. “Yukhei, I need you to tell me what is going on with you. Then, we can call Taemin and he—he’ll figure something out.”
“I need to bite you. A-and you need to leave, so I can leave before I do something I regret.”
“Yukhei, hold on a second—”
“Y/N,” He growled, and you felt all of the hairs on your head stand straight up, animal instincts going haywire, “Leave.” 
Even if he hadn’t used that tone with you, you would have done so. And you did, bolting out of his room, quickly grabbing your phone from your room and then darting out of the apartment, out of the building and somewhere onto the street, legs shaking and heart broken.
You ran for several blocks, stopping once you felt comfortable, which just so happened to be in front of a cafe a few minutes from your apartment. You went in and ordered, sitting at a table in the window, staring blankly at the cup in front of you. You felt numb. Yukhei was making absolutely no sense, and your thoughts were too jumbled for you to try and decipher what he was trying to tell you. There was only one thing that you could make sense of.
Because I’m in love with you. 
God, you wanted to slam your head into the table, his words echoing in your head. He’d looked so candid, so vulnerable, so scared saying those six words, that it honestly kind of petrified you. After everything you’d thought about, everything you’d been told, and everything you’d said to each other, you were being forced with the truth, and you honestly weren’t sure if you could handle it.
Yes, you loved Yukhei. But what best friend doesn’t love their best friend? There was such a difference between loving and being in love, but in that moment you couldn’t be sure of any. 
Yukhei had always been there for you. He understood your boundaries, understood that you wanted to be an independent person, but wasn’t afraid to support you if he felt you needed it. Whenever you were sad, or frustrated, he was there. And vice versa. You understood that Yukhei, despite his intimidating looks, muscles and tall frame was just a gentle giant, sometimes not confrontational enough to stand up for himself. And yes, he was confident, but you knew that deep down he would always feel like he wasn’t good enough, just a little bit. And whenever that feeling became too heavy for him to carry, you’d be the one to pick him up and help him carry the weight.
Your mutual understanding of each other went so much more than just finishing each other’s sentences sometimes. With a simple movement, both of you could tell whether the other was upset, or excited, or angry. 
You sighed, taking another sip of your coffee.
Yukhei was kind, and he didn’t worry about what problems he might have in the future. He was funny, sometimes making you laugh till you cried because it was just an innate talent of his. And fuck’s sake, he was hot. And you… you, the worrisome, blunt hybrid who trailed behind him because he lit up your days, you were…
Oh my god. I’m in love with Yukhei.
You spluttered, immediately coughing as you choked on your coffee, attracting the attention of the people around you. It took you awhile, but you eventually managed to catch your breath, avoiding the questioning gazes of everyone around you. You were left with your head spinning, foot tapping anxiously. 
You needed to get back to the apartment.
You paid for the unfinished cup of coffee in a hassle, and ran back up the street as fast as your legs could carry you. You realized that all of the running you’d been doing meant your hair would be frizzy and you would smell like sweat once you got back, but you couldn’t care less.
 All you needed was to see him.
If you’d been able to talk him down from his own thoughts before, like that day in the bathroom and times before that, if you’d been able to get through to him before, it wouldn’t be that hard now, would it? You needed to know he was okay and that he knew that everything would work out in the end. 
You dashed onto your street, mind filled with only Yukhei and his wellbeing, for once being a bit reckless when it came to your own safety. Yes, he’d told you to leave. But that didn’t matter anymore, you thought as you rushed into the building and pulled yourself into the elevator. He was your only concern, now.
Your heart pounded as you stood in the elevator. Your leg never ceased its insistent tapping. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the doors to slide open. It took an eternity, but finally, you heard a ding! And when the doors opened, you bolted. You ran down the hall, reaching your door before you pulled out your key and unlocked the door, not thinking twice before swinging it open.
“Yukhei!?”
Your loud, breathless voice rang out through the apartment, but there was no response. As you caught your breath, you noted that the scent of cinnamon and earth was still there, but faint, as if Yukhei had vanished into thin air. Your heart sank.
“Yukhei?” You asked again, voice now quieter as you realized that he was probably gone. Your face fell, and part of you began to wonder why you even expected him to still be here.  
Walking towards his room, where the trace of his scent was strongest, you gnawed on the inside of your cheek, silently asking yourself where you would go from here. The vibration of your phone caught your attention, and you pulled it out of your pocket to see what the notification was. Your eyes softened at seeing Yukhei’s contact name grace your screen, but your gaze quickly turned gloomy when you saw how long his text was. That was never a good thing.
xuxi: Hey. I’m sorry about everything that just happened, and for scaring you like that. I’m gonna be staying at Taemin hyung’s until your heat passes. I don’t know how long that is, but I know it was supposed to start sometime next week? I want to keep distance from you until either hyung or I can understand what’s going on with me, and I don’t want to do or say anything that’s gonna damage our friendship. Please don’t worry about me, Y/N. I’m fine. Don’t think that I think you can’t be around other guys, because I don’t. I want you to be happy. And if you feel like you never want to see me once this is all over, then I’ll totally understand. I’ve been an asshole and I treated you horribly because I was acting selfishly. Take care.
You slumped against the wall, swallowing the growing lump in your throat. 
How on earth did everything get this messed up?
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The last few days before winter break were miserable. You spent the rest of that night after the argument with Yukhei crying out of frustration at the situation, falling asleep with puffy eyes and a runny nose. Eventually, however, you had to force yourself out of your pity party, because despite everything going on, you still had two exams to study for and a paper to turn in. 
Your paper was going to turn out mediocre, at best. You simply couldn’t put your heart into it despite the fact that it was 10% of your final grade for the semester. Thankfully, it was due Friday, and the first exam was on Monday and the other on Tuesday, leaving you a full three days to finish it, and you’d done pretty well in the subject all semester, so if you flubbed the paper, it wouldn’t be so bad. 
As for your exams, they weren’t your best, but you’d live. Exams this late were always hellish for you, because on top of all of the stress, your pre-heat symptoms were starting to set in. You felt tired, sluggish, and irritable. 
You thought of Yukhei almost all week during what little free time you got. You didn't see him on campus all week, but you knew from texting Taemin that he was still going. According to him, he wasn’t talking to anyone much. Not even Baekhyun could cheer him up, and Yukhei loved Baekhyun’s jokes.
You never responded to the long text Yukhei had sent you. You weren’t sure what to say, and after a certain amount of days had passed it just felt awkward to try and respond to him. 
Finally, Friday rolled around, and you strolled onto campus, ready to hand in your paper, go to your last few lectures, and then buy yourself some snacks to prepare to hole up in your apartment for a week during your heat. You wished you could just turn it in online, but this professor was probably as old as the university itself, and still preferred doing things the old fashioned way.
You sat down next to Mark right before your history lecture, about two hours before your paper was supposed to be turned in. 
“Hey, how have you been?” Mark asked, and you shrugged. 
“I’m pretty much over everything,” You sighed, “All I need is to turn in my paper to Wang and I’m out of here.”
“Can I see?” He asked. “Mine sucks and I wanted to compare.”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” You answered, turning to open your bag. You rummaged through it, looking between your notes, laptop, and old pieces of paper, before frowning. 
“No fucking way,” You muttered to yourself, looking through the contents of your bag again, now more frantic. 
“What? Do you not have it?”
“No,” You answered, turning to him, sounding desperate. “I think I left it on my desk this morning. God, I’m so stupid.”
“Why don’t you just go get it?” Mark said, tilting his head. “Your place isn’t that far.”
You eyed the professor, who was preparing his presentation before the class started, weighing your options.
“...You’re right. I’ll be back in like, half an hour.”
And so you set off, power walking back to your apartment, which was right off campus. When you got to your building, you stepped into the elevator and heard your phone ring. You looked at who was calling first, furrowing your eyebrows. Hesitantly, you picked up.
“Taem? What’s up?” You asked, looking through your bag for your keys.
“Hey, Y/N.” Taemin sounded anxious, and it didn’t do anything to dissipate your confusion. “I just wanted to let you know that Yukhei said he would be passing by the apartment to get some more clothes, but uh… I forgot to ask him what time, and now he isn’t answering my texts or my calls. He was acting kind of… weird this morning. He didn’t say anything to you, did he?”
You blinked, swallowing at the idea of seeing him again after not having said anything to each other. Suddenly, your heart seemed to be beating a lot faster than it had been a second ago. “Um. No. He didn’t. But um… thanks for letting me know. I’ll just be going—” 
“Wait, Y/N!”
“Taemin, what?”
“Have you ever heard of Tanaka’s Theory of Hybrid Compatibility?” He blurted, and you made a face, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
“...No?”
The elevator dinged, and you stepped out as he began to explain. 
“I was doing research after running some DNA tests on Yukhei, yesterday, to see if I would be able to gauge whether he’d be going into rut or not. This theory says that two hybrids of different animal types could trigger each other’s mating instincts—”
“Wait, wait, wait, I thought that wasn’t possible—”
“That’s what a lot of people thought, until Tanaka and her team published this study about a year ago. She did an experiment where she paired up hybrids of different animal types, and induced heat in only one of them, to see if it triggered rut or heat in the other hybrid. She concluded that it was possible, but only if the hybrids had already formed a deep emotional bond. Y/N, you and Yukhei…”
You stopped right outside of your apartment, dead in your tracks. “D—Taem. Do you think that could happen if…?”
You didn’t finish, and Taemin sighed. “Yeah,” He said, voice quiet. “I think he might be in the very early stages of rut. Please, please be careful, Y/N.”
You stared at the door, before sighing. “I will, Taemin. Thank you for calling me.”
You hung up, trying to absorb everything you’d just been told. Cautiously, you inserted the key into the lock, trying to be quiet. A chill rolled through your body as you stepped into the apartment. For some reason, it seemed so much more quiet than it usually was. You gulped. Hurriedly, with quiet footsteps, you approached your bedroom. You sighed in relief upon seeing the paper on your desk, and grabbed it, stuffing it carefully into your bag before turning to exit. 
“Hey.”
You shrieked in surprise, your skeleton nearly jumping out of your skin when you saw Yukhei in the doorway of his bedroom, staring intently at you. Immediately, you knew something was wrong. His eyes were wide like saucers, eyeing you up and down. His body seemed tense. His scent was overpowering. You scrunched your nose once it hit you.
“Y-Yukhei. What are you—Um, how have you been?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” He said, wide eyes never leaving you. You felt like he was studying you, and you squirmed underneath his gaze, “Just peachy. A little hot. What are you doing here?”
His sentences were quick and snippy, as if he were jumpy. You spluttered, gathering your thoughts.
“Oh,” You mumbled, “Um… I forgot my paper on my desk. I needed to come and get it.”
 The entire time, you never stopped looking at him. He seemed poised, ready to strike, looking for the moment he could catch you off guard. You swallowed, trying to step past him, “I need to turn this in later, so I’ll just…”
He grabbed your wrist before you could get out of his arms’ reach, cornering you against the wall. 
“I need to… talk to you,” He muttered, eyes trained on your face.
“Yukhei, you’re kind of freaking me out,” You answered, looking away from his face. Your own face was suddenly hot, animal instincts were screaming at his proximity, at his scent, begging you to either get away or pull him closer. Danger, one side of your brain whispered, while the other said, want.
“Just hear me out,” He answered, deep voice quiet and raspy. “I missed you this week. Missed my bunny.”
You looked away, unsure what to do. 
dangerdangerdangerdangerdanger
He lifted a hand to lift your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. You gasped, realizing that his eyes were a bright yellow. Had they always been that color or was it only now noticeable due to his proximity?
wantwantwantwantwantwant
“Y-Yukhei,” You mumbled again, panting as he brushed his lips against yours.
DANGERDANGERDANGERDANGER
In that moment, your animal instincts took over. What happened next happened in less than ten seconds, but felt like an eternity.
See, when rabbits feel threatened, they bite their attacker. You knew this. Yukhei knew this. So it should’ve been no surprise to either of you when you shifted your neck, quickly striking and giving his neck a harsh bite. Your animal instincts expected him to back off. But instead, he groaned loudly, pressing you even further into the wall, gripping your hips and pressing himself against you. You froze, feeling something hard press against your hip. 
“So you want to bite me too,” He growled, “But I want to bite you harder.”
WANTWANTWANTWANTWANT
You whimpered, as he, agonizingly slowly, pressed his mouth to your neck, baring his teeth. He tugged your head to the side, and you squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for the bite to come, almost welcoming it. 
But it never did. 
Instead, when you opened your eyes, you saw that Yukhei was trembling. 
“I can’t,” He whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
You swallowed, realizing what was going on. 
“You won’t,” You answered, matching the tone of his voice. “Xuxi, wolves bite like this to mate, not to attack.”
“Huh?” His amber eyes studied your face, searching for anything other than the uncertainty etched upon it. 
“You’re not biting me to hurt me,” You said, stroking his cheek, “It’s because you wanna mark me as yours.”
“But you’re not mine,” He murmured, still trembling, “You don’t love me the way I love you.” 
You shook your head, head spinning as the heat on your face spread across your body at the sensation of his body against yours.
“Except I do.” Your voice was hoarse. “I love you, Lucas. I realize that now.”
You tilted your head back, revealing the expanse of your neck. He growled in approval as you did. “And I want to be yours, forever.”
He didn’t mark you then. Instead, he craned his neck to catch your lips with his. You cried out softly when he did, his hands coming down to lift one of your legs, wrapping it around his hip. 
“Jump,” He said into the kiss, and you did, without question. The feeling of uneasiness, of danger, melted away, leaving you only with want. He dragged you back to his room, tossing you onto his bed with ease. 
You whimpered as you let him go, now fully aware that you’d entered your heat, and you wouldn’t be satiated until he made you cum. You watched, as he stared down at you with a predatory gaze—go figure—pulling off the t-shirt he was wearing. He crawled on top of you, not saying a word before he kissed you again. 
Your hands roamed, tracing down his back and up your sides as he squeezed your thighs with his large hands, sliding up the skirt you were wearing. 
“Please don’t tease,” You whined between kisses, “N-need you.”
“My bunny needs me?” He asked, chest rumbling with pride, and you nodded. He tugged off your shirt, leaving you in only your bra and your skirt. He pressed a kiss to your neck, before inhaling deeply and groaning. 
“God, is this what you smell like when you’re in heat?” His voice was raspy, lustful; you felt punch drunk at the sound of it. “You smell fucking divine.” You nodded, reaching for the button on his jeans. You didn’t trust your voice.
“Bunny, you’re on the pill, right?” He asked suddenly, sounding a lot more sober than he had just a few seconds ago. Your eyes darted up to his face, noting his ears twitching nervously. You nodded. “Y-yeah, why?”
He pressed a kiss to your temple, before lowering his mouth to your ear. “Because as much as I want to pump you full of my pups right now, I know you probably don’t want that for us now.”
God, he was the human definition of whiplash. You straight up moaned at the idea, eyes squeezing shut as you pulled his pants down. “S-sounds good on paper. R-really good,” You declared, “But in practice… Not right now.”
He nodded, smiling softly. You realized he was wagging his tail, and you smiled gleefully. “Anything for my bunny.” 
Yukhei pressed another kiss to your temple, before pulling your skirt down, hands kneading at your newly exposed flesh. You lifted yourself off of the mattress to press wet kisses to his collarbone, ignoring the desperation beneath your skin. Still, your mind screamed.
WANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANT
“Xuxi,” You said, “Please hurry and fuck me already.”
“I don’t wanna wait either,” He admitted, grinning wolfishly. With not another word, he pulled your panties to the side, and slowly pressed a finger inside. 
Your breath hitched, feeling like when you scratch at an itch, but can’t find the exact spot. Content, but not yet satisfied. 
“You’re so wet,” He mumbled, “All of this is for me, right, Y/N?”
You nodded insistently, legs spreading further to allow him enough space. He was so big, nearly engulfing you as he hovered over you. And his fingers were so long, reaching far further than your fingers could when you pretended yours were his. 
“Lucas…” Your voice was high, breathless, “More, please.”
"So needy for me, hm?" Yukhei chuckled darkly, adding another finger. His smile grew when you tightened around him. "Tell me what you want, bunny." 
"Fuck," You groaned, "I want you to fuck me and make me yours. W-want to be stuffed and filled with your cum. Want y-your pups, wanna be yours."
His amber eyes glowed in admiration, peering down at you. "Fuck, that's a good girl." 
He tugged off your bra, but got a little too impatient when he got to your panties, and you gasped in surprise when you felt the seams snap. Your eyes darted to Lucas's hands, which were now holding the broken fabric with a smug look on his face.
"Oops."
You huffed, not caring about the underwear. Lifting yourself off of the mattress, you pulled him in for a kiss, and he responded with fervor. His tongue dipped into your mouth, swallowing your eager moans. In your eagerness, you reached into his underwear, wrapping your hand around his member. 
You gasped into the kiss, feeling how hard he was. Even without looking, eyes still shut as you focused mostly on kissing him, you could feel he was big. You wondered, momentarily, if he would even fit. Yukhei pulled away from you, lowering his eyes to watch your hand stroking him. You did as well, swallowing at the sight. He wasn’t too thick, but he was incredibly long. The tip was a pretty shade of red, precum leaking steadily out.
“You want me to fuck you?” He asked, mouth brushing against yours, panting slightly.
You nodded, canting your hips in an attempt to entice him. He pulled his fingers out of your pussy, brushing against your clit intentionally. You keened, looking up at him. 
“Yeah, baby,” You answered, pushing him away slightly, to turn around, and prop yourself onto your knees. He groaned at the sight of your wetness, one finger teasing at your hole. He came closer to you, and his free hand pulled you up. His chest was pressed against your back. He pressed a kiss to one of your shoulder blades, resting his head on his shoulder to speak to you.  
“One day, I’m gonna sit you down on my face and eat you until you forget your name. But right now, I can’t hold back anymore. Need to be inside of you.”
You nodded in agreement, bated as he gripped one of your hips, the other nudging you gently between the shoulder blades, so your face was buried between the pillows. You inhaled, whining lightly at how much it smelled like him, like Yukhei. 
“All mine,” He growled, sliding inside of you. He was met with no resistance, your walls sucking him in with no protest.
“Yours,” You agreed, rocking your hips lightly against his. He groaned loudly, gripping your hips tightly. 
“S-so tight,” He groaned, with a little laugh, “I can barely move.”
“Please, Xuxi,” You whined, voice muffled, “N-need it.”
His grip tightened, and he gave a hard thrust, to which you responded with a loud noise. He immediately set a brutal pace. He bent over, practically covering your body with his own. You could feel the heat radiating off of his body, his grunts and growls right into your ear.
Your hand reached behind you, trying to grab him in some way. He registered what you were trying to do, and reached out to take your hand in his. “Who’s making you feel this good, bunny?”
“Ah, you, Lucas,” You cried, and Yukhei pressed a kiss to the junction of your shoulder and neck. 
“You think Doyoung could fuck you this good, baby?”
Your stomach curled at his words, and you shook your head. “N-no,” You said, hips bucking back to meet his. “Don’t want him, want you.” 
“F-fuck, that’s my girl, you just wanna be mine, huh?”
You nodded, unable to answer at the pleasure coursing through your veins. Yukhei wasn’t satisfied by this, evident in the way he tugged on your hair and pulled your head up. You shrieked not only at the pleasure, but also how unexpected it was. Yukhei was always one to be gentle, but now, with the need he felt to fuck you until you were both satiated, all of his mercy went out the window. 
“Use your fucking words,” Yukhei snarled, hips never letting up. You whimpered, eyes closing.
This wasn’t Yukhei, or Lucas, or Xuxi. No, this was pure, unbridled, alpha wolf taking the reins. And in this moment, you wouldn’t have it any other way. 
“Y-yeah, I want you to make me yours,” You answered in a small, shaky voice.
“You wanna be my bitch, baby?”
“Fuck,” You moaned, pussy clenching at his question, “Please…”
“Please what, bunny?” The wolf asked, voice sickly sweet, and you bit your lip, trying not to cry out. “P-please make me your bitch, baby.”
He pressed a kiss to your shoulder again, letting go of your hair. You fell back onto the mattress, practically boneless; you couldn’t find it within you to hold yourself up. His hands found their way back to your hips, using them as leverage as he pounded into you.
“What my bitch wants, my bitch gets.”
His hips sped up, something you didn’t know was possible. You were vaguely aware of his headboard ramming into the wall, but you couldn’t care less. All you could care about was the growing pleasure bubbling in the pit of your stomach, which only boiled hotter when you reached between your legs to pinch at your clit.
Yukhei groaned at the same moment you did, relishing in the way your walls clenched at the sensation.
“How the fuck are you still so tight?” He said. You craned your neck to get a good look at him, chest tightening at the sight.
His tan skin glowed with sweat, eyes rolled up into his head, mouth open as he let loose grunts and groans, and his light brown hair was matted with sweat. The dark ears on his head were twitching furiously and his cheeks were flushed. You felt like you could have cum from the sight alone.
 Could have, because the awkward angle made your neck hurt, and it pained you to not be able to touch his skin or tug on his hair. 
Yukhei opened his eyes immediately when you muttered out a soft, “stop, stop,” his hips stopping much to his discomfort. He sighed in relief when he realized you just wanted to change your position. You whined softly in discomfort when his cock slipped out of you, shaky legs doing their best to maneuver into the position you wanted.
You flopped down onto your back in front of him, staring up at him. “Come on,” You said breathlessly, parting your legs, “You know what I want you to do.”
He exhaled, eyes scanning your sweaty body, taking in just how beautiful you looked beneath him. “Fuck, I love you so much,” He declared, settling in between your legs, slipping back into you with ease.
You took advantage of the position, wrapping your legs around his waist, trying to pull him closer. Your hands wrapped around him, reaching for his back. You dug your nails into the skin, and he huffed slightly at the pinch of pain.
He growled with pride when his eyes darted down to where you were connected. “Fuck, that’s so hot, bunny. You’re so fucking tiny.”
Your eyes followed his, and you whined when you realized that there was a bulge sticking out of your tummy. 
He immediately retook his rhythm, pounding away like there was no tomorrow, voice getting louder. It was still a bit far, but you could tell he was approaching his high, just like you. He was pressing wet kisses to your breasts, large hands groping them. Your head fell back, mind completely blank.  
“X-Xuxi, I’m c-close,” You mumbled, “Please touch me.”
He nodded, lifting off of one of your nipples to meet your eyes. “Shit, me too,” He agreed, voice shaky. His lips travelled to your neck, one hand travelling to your clit. You moaned loudly, throwing your head back to reveal more of the skin of your neck. 
“Gonna make you mine,” He growled, “Gonna fuck you full of my pups, show everyone who you belong to.”
His hips were losing their finesse, their rhythm, pace turning sloppy as his hand rubbed at your clit, hoping to make you cum.
“Yes, yes, yes,” You cried nonsensically, toes curling. “Make me yours, Lucas, ah, fuck, w-want it so bad!”
And then he sunk his teeth into your neck, and you tumbled over the edge, a lot harder than you ever expected it to be. You were drowning in a dizzying mix of pleasure and pain, vision blurring as your body writhed against Yukhei like a woman possessed. You cried out his name one final time, voice dying after you did. 
You heard him groan against you, hips grinding against you as he released inside of you. Your mind immediately realized what was going on as his cock swelled within your walls, eyes snapping open as the sheer size of his knot caused you to cry out. Whether that was from the burn of being stretched beyond your limits, or the satisfaction of stuffed with him. 
 You were wordless when you managed to come down, breathing heavily, his head resting on your collar bone. The need that had been itching inside of you had gone away, for now. Your mind cleared up, and you were suddenly very aware of the fact that Yukhei was naked, on top of you, and now the two of you were stuck together for god knows how long. The few words you had exchanged prior were under the influence of his rut and, subsequently, your heat, and even before that, an argument that led to you not speaking to each other for a week.
"So…" You muttered, voice hoarse.
"Uhh…" Lucas lifted his head, tired eyes meeting yours. They were back to brown. "I take this as an 'apology accepted'?" 
You rolled your eyes, swatting his arm playfully. "You're not completely out of the woods yet, asshole. You were a huge dick. But what matters now is that we're together, and I love you. We can work the rest out later."
Yukhei's hand brushed a stray hair out of your face, smiling softly at you. "I don't deserve you," He murmured, "But I promise I'll do my best to treat you like a queen." 
You pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I'd like that."
You both fell asleep slightly after, whispering sweet nothings and promises of a better tomorrow into each other's ears.
And when Taemin—who had worried about Yukhei not coming back to his apartment got worried enough to use your hidden spare key to get into the apartment—woke you up, screeching at the "ungodly sight" of your naked bodies pressed against one another, you laughed, despite Yukhei's possessive instincts kicking in and covering your body with his.
Because you finally had Yukhei in your arms, and, regardless of whether he's got fluffy ears and a tail or not, you were happy to call yourself his.
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unforth · 3 years
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Why does everyone always recommend Twist and Shout for destiel? Like what happened in fandom at that time to make it so popular that it's now a staple? I haven't read it. I refuse. I know there is major character death and people complain it is OOC so I'm just wondering why do people love it so much? I have read so many long fics written by immensely talented writers in this fandom that end hopefully and tackle difficult subject matter while maintaining character voices that it seems a shame that T&S is always recommended
So, I also haven’t read it - I don’t do MCD, no matter how highly recommended a fic comes. However, here’s what I’d say in answer to this question.
Twist and Shout came out, it was during a period when the fandom was huge, and exploding. Season 8 was something of a Destiel renaissance (it’s when I started shipping it, for example) and it’s not a coincidence that a lot of the best known fic came out in 2012 and 2013 (for reference, T&S started posting on October 15th, 2012, according to AO3). I wasn’t active on AO3 Destiel fandom at that time (I started reading fic on FF.net in early 2013) nor was I active on Tumblr or in fandom circles where shipping was a big Thing, so I don’t know what the general fandom reaction to it was at the time, but presumably it met with a fair degree of popularity. People liked it. People recced it. I have no idea if it had the MCD tag at that time, but presumably it did. People read it knowing that. And presumably, some people didn’t like it, and some people didn’t rec it, but like any other fic it went through a process of developing popularity.
Why did it get to be first?
In my honest opinion?
Utterly random chance. If you look at ANY developing fandom, some of the trends are in fact totally random, at least to begin with. Once the avalanche starts, though, it’s self-perpetuating.
Think about it. You’re in a brand new fandom. You don’t know anyone. You haven’t read anything. You’re desperate to read something. What do you do? You go to AO3, find the ship you want to read, and you sort by most hits, or most kudos, or most comments, and decide - I’m gonna start by reading these. You see the first fic...okay, MCD, a little off putting...but it’s got SO MANY HITS and SO MANY KUDOS...just take the chance!
So, you (my hypothetical fan) read this fic. One of two things happen - you either love it or you hate it. If you hate it, you may not even finish it, but regardless, you’ve added to the stats - your views count, and maybe you liked the early chapters and kudosed, or maybe you remember everything you’ve heard about authors liking comments on early chapters of fully posted works, and you commented. So those stats have gone up, even if someone HATED it. And on the second, you love it - and you come out gushing! You kudos! If you’re super enthusiastic maybe you log out and give it a second guest kudos! And, as you start getting into the fandom and meeting people, you want to spread this love - you tell your friends - hey, I just read this great fic, and yeah, it’s MCD, but just give it a chance!
And so it begins again - if you tell four people, and they read it, and two hate it, and two love it, and those two tell four people, and two hate it, and two love it, and it just cascades.
Why is Twist and Shout the most popular fic in this fandom? Because Twist and Shout is the most popular fic in this fandom. Yes, it’s a tautology, but it’s entirely self-perpetuating. People read it because it’s listed first. People read it because they like it, and re-read it and re-read, and re-read it, to get that high. People hate read it. People read it just to find out what the big deal is. In a fandom with coming up on 100,000 posted stories, Twist and Shout has almost twice as many kudos as the fic in second (by the, in my personal opinion, far more deserving Annie D, though it’s also not their best work in my opinion, and the reasons it’s up there are likely the same), and almost four times as many hits. By any measure on AO3 surveys, it’s number one when people sort, and lots of people will read it simply out of curiosity.
That kind of popularity is self-perpetuating. And of course lots of people love T&S - it has 1.2 million hits, and almost 35000 kudos. Even if we go extremely conservative and say, 35,000 people have read T&S, that’s simply a shit ton of people, and if even only 10% loved it, that’d still be 3500 people gushing about that single fic. I’ve been writing for 5 years and I don’t have a single fic with even 3500 kudos, and I’m considered a relatively successful writer in this huge fandom.
But here’s, to me, the most important thing - I truly believe any fic can be a Twist and Shout. It’s a confluence of events that makes a fic such a juggernaut, and the vast majority are simply luck. Random drift means one fic is gonna end up on the top of the heap - and once a fic is there, reading tendencies, confirmation bias, and exposure guarantee it’ll STAY on the top of the heap.
I started the Destiel Favs Survey because I felt that the “top 20″ fics by hits in the Destiel fandom didn’t reflect the fics people actually like. I got curious, so I made a list.
In February 21st, 2017, the top 20 fics on AO3 by kudos were:
Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme (which, at the time, had 25,507 kudos)
Dean Doesn’t Listen to Eurythmics by Annie D
An Exercise in ‘Worthless’ by beastofthesky
Revealed by Valinde
Angel’s Wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone
Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist
How (Thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (Accidentally) Raised Each Other (and Sam) by Vera_DragonMuse
A Room of One’s Own by NorthernSparrow
Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone
Grey by Valinde
Convenient Husbands by Annie D
Forget-Me-Not-Blues by noangelsinthegarrison
When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone
Real Slick Dean by trilliath
In This Secluded Spot I Respond as I Wouldn’t Dare Elsewhere by RhymePhile
The Breath of All Things by KistmetJeska
Unfamiliar by riseofthefallenone
Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph
A Hole in the World by AnnelieseMichel
A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead by suspiciousflashlight
Today, 1/9/21, four years later, the top 20 fics by Kudos are:
Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme (no change in rank, now has 34,907 kudos)
Dean Doesn’t Listen to Eurythmics by Annie D (no change in rank)
Revealed by Valinde (+1 in rank)
An Exercise in ‘Worthless’ by beastofthesky (-1 in rank)
A Room of One’s Own by NorthernSparrow (+3 in rank)
How (Thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (Accidentally) Raised Each Other (and Sam) by Vera_DragonMuse (+1 in rank)
A Turn of the Earth by microcomets/mishcollin (not on the old list by kudos, but it was on the list by 2018 when I did another check in)
Angel’s Wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone (-3 in rank)
Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist (-3 in rank)
Unknown Quantities by xylodemon (the first work to break through, and it’s in tenth)
Forget-Me-Not Blues by noangelsinthegarrison (+1 in rank)
Grey by Valinde (-2 in rank)
Convenient Husbands by Annie D (-2 in rank)
Professional Couple Only by saltyfeathers (our second new work)
Real Slick Dean by trilliath (-1 in rank)
A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead by suspiciousflashlight (+4 in rank)
When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone (-4 in rank)
Unfamiliar by riseofthefallenone (-1 in rank)
The Breath of All Things by KismetJeska (-3 in rank)
Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone (-11 in rank)
In 4 full years, only three works managed to break into the top 20, even though - based on my original data, which you can view here - most of these works have nearly double in the number of kudos they’ve had in that amount of time. Further, the most recently written fic on EITHER of these lists is from 2015 - A Turn of the Earth and Professional Couple Only are from 2015 - and all the rest is older.
These fics aren’t the top 20 because they’re better, and if there was even an ounce of objectivity in this list, it would have actually shown any change in 4 years instead of looking virtually identical. 
Twist and Shout, and the other “most popular” and “most recommended” works in the Destiel fandom have that distinction because they’re the most read, so more people read them, so they’re the most read, so more people read them, so they’re the most read, so...ad infinitum.
And that’s not a judgement call against them! There are fics I LOVE on that top twenty list. But, dear anon, you ask me why I think Twist and Shout is the most popular?
All of this is why. Twist and Shout is the most popular because popularity in fic culture is the only perpetual motion machine in the universe. It is self-perpetuating, and as a result, Twist and Shout will always be the most popular fic in this fandom.
And that’s why I do the faves list - because the tops on AO3 tell us abso-fraggin’-lutely nothing, and I thought we needed a list that actually meant something for what fics people active in the fandom truly love - which DOES include some of those top 20 fics by AO3 data, and includes lots and lots of others that are just as or more wonderful.
*steps off soap box*
(sorry this is stupidly long, I have Opinions.)
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ender-baggins · 3 years
Text
Just watched 14x13 Lebanon.
Will preface with the fact that this was a bit of my commentary on the previous episode, and that I do think John Winchester was a crap parent
Lebanon was a pretty good episode, actually. I know some people hate it, and I started off prepared to seethe every moment that John was on screen. but then I managed to get one foot out of the John-crit zone and put it in Sam and Dean’s shoes, and looking at it from both perspectives? The episode has a lot of nuance to it.
Spoilers for this 14x13 Lebanon (obviously)
Overall I think the most important thing to remember about this episode: the theme is that some things are too good to be true.
I knew which episode it was, but I was surprised because I thought it has been in season 15, and then John didn’t show up for a while, so I thought I was wrong until the Pearl came up.
I gotta hand it to Jensen. When John appeared, there were so many emotions packed into Dean’s face in that first short scene, I had to rewatch it several times to get them. Part of it was simple shock, but I could also see… something a little like panic in his face, along with Waay too many emotions for me to name.
The conversation between Sam and John was… I started off mad and then focused more on Sam’s perspective and realized that… yeah, Sam isn’t the same person he was last time he saw his dad. And he didn’t get closure. He never got a chance to get real closure on it, and then here, he did, at least in some form.
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Also, interesting thing I noticed- I could see the beginnings of how it could turn into another argument, and John said something that seemed a little accusatory, “you didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left,” and then Sam was like “nope, not gonna argue, not gonna do it, REDIRECTING-“ Which, after what Dean said in the scene before—
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—Sam doesn’t want to mess this up for Dean. No way is he gonna start a fight, not now, not when they just got their dad back.
I don’t like the last line of Sam and John’s conversation: “But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.” Because honestly- it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t. And… dammit he could have done better. But then again, that’s Sam’s dad, and he’s been dead for over a decade, and sometimes people tend to put rose-colored glasses on over the past. So I’ll still happily condemn John’s parenting but I won’t condemn Sam just because he’s unable to see things for what they are in this case.
Now- my absolute favorite part of this entire episode is the section of Sam and Dean going to get groceries and noticing things are changed, and realizing “oh shit, what else is different?”
One, gotta love Dean for implying that Sam being a kale nut is a worse thing than Dean being considered a serial killer by society (which, it’s not like society is wrong??). Like, ah yes, wonderful priorities there, Dean. You’re a wanted killer with your face up in the town, but clearly Sam giving a lecture about the wonders of kale is a much worse thing. (If you can’t tell, I’m being incredibly sarcastic here)
And then here. Castiel’s appearance. I was screeching watching this. Completely freaking out- so much adrenaline. I bet if I’d taken my pulse it would have been skyrocketing-
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This was followed by the scene of Castiel and Zachariah in the restaurant, which was Awesome, very clearly highlighting the difference that Dean and the Winchesters made in Cas’s life (later this will be relevant in the Confession - “You changed me, Dean”).
*cue me posting an unnecessary amount of screenshots*
Castiel unfurls his wings—
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(Note the messy hair from flying around everywhere. Not the same as his old haircut, but they did what they could with Misha’s hair at the time)
Notice that Dean’s got the angel blade point down, and when he attacks Castiel, he’s using the blunt end to hit him, not the sharp end
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(On the other hand, Sam uses the sharp end of the blade to swipe at Castiel. No judgement from me here, Sam sees this as “not our Cas” while Dean still sees this as “my Cas, I can talk him away from Heaven again.”)
Then, the most interesting thing here- when Cas pins Dean agains the wall, Dean’s not even trying to fight Cas here.
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See how his hand settles on Castiel’s chest? Not really pressing, just touching. His other hand is gripping Castiel’s wrist, I imagine to try to remove enough pressure from his neck that he can speak. Trying to use his connection to Cas to get Castiel to stop hurting him. And it doesn’t work. Castiel stares him the eyes, not even a flicker of doubt or questioning.
You’ll note that I referred to alternate Castiel in this episode as exclusively “Castiel” and not “Cas.” Because it’s not Cas. Cas is the angel that saved Dean from Hell, and the angel that’s been by Dean’s side for 11 years (at this point in time). And this Castiel has not done that. So he is not Cas.
I’m reminded of the scene wayy back in season 5 where Cas beats Dean up in the alley for trying to give up and give in to Michael. There, Dean actually encouraged Cas to kill him, at the end, and Cas softens. Can’t exactly parse out the parallels there because my brain isn’t working, but there you go.
Now, probably my favorite conversation with John is this one, with Dean.
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Right here. The way that Dean says “I have a family.”
It feels almost defiant. “I do have a family. I have Sam, Cas, Mom, Jack. My mother, my brother, my best friend… and I have a son, we all have a son. And beyond that, I’ve got Jody and Donna and Claire and the girls. I do have a family. Yeah, it doesn’t look like the apple pie life, the white picket fence, wife and kids, and yeah, our son is the child of Lucifer, and yeah, I’m in love with my best friend who’s an angel in a man’s body, and I wouldn’t trade him for any woman, and you’d hate that. But they’re my family. And I’m good with that.”
It’s proud, it’s a little defiant, it’s also a little bit of a reassurance, as we see from John’s smile afterward. I don’t think John caught the hint of a challenge in there.
I loved that moment. That might be my favorite line in the entire episode. “I have a family.”
I also like… Dean’s acceptance, “I’m good with who I am.” Part of that… I think it’s both a good thing and a sad thing and also a half lie at the same time. I think he’s good with who he is, in the sense that he’s accepted that he and Sam are the people that have to fill this role in the world, y’know, saving everyone. I think he loves the people he’s with, he loves his family and wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even having John back. No way would he ever trade Cas or Jack or Sam, or Mary, for anything else, ever.
It’s sad, though, because it’s like… he can’t imagine who he’d be if he had a different life. Yes, he’s had a few runs at an apple-pie life, but they weren’t happy, there was always something wrong nagging at him. He… I think he believes there’s no way for him to be happy, and that this is the best he could have.
I’m not even sure how to analyze the goodbye scene. I mean, the clearest thing here is just so much grief from everyone. They got a taste of their father back, and now he has to go back to being dead. There’s so many complicated feelings for both of the brothers, because of the complicated relationship with John, but in the end? They can’t help but love him, and they can’t help but feel grief at losing him. I won’t fault them for that.
In short, I wanna give Dean a gigantic hug and also give him therapy-
And then Cas coming back to the bunker when he did. I bet he sensed something and headed back to the bunker as fast as he could. Also, no clue what he experienced during the whole “Castiel and Zachariah are alive” thing. I imagine it’s possible there were two Cas’s running around for a bit? Because Mary didn’t get affected by the pearl. And Sam was there with his own memories, despite there being videos up of him doing things in the parallel universe. As for Cas, he’s part of Dean’s group of “people” so my guess is two Castiels running around for a little bit.
I like how Dean looks at Cas at the end. He’s relieved to have his angel back.
In summary-
The theme of this episode is “some things are too good to be true.” John came back, the four of them got their moment together, but John couldn’t stay. Things were good for that single afternoon, because everyone was just happy to see each other again, but it sent so much stuff into chaos that it couldn’t last, it had to be undone. And even then, if they’d tried to keep going with it, I know it would have degraded, the illusion of perfection would shatter, and they’d fall into old habits, old arguments and new ones.
And so it had to end.
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aerialflight · 3 years
Text
Fic Recs (cause it's always nice to give a shout out and get people into things I'm into rn)
[The Magnus Archives] (I recently finished the podcast and I fell into a hole for a while so here you go)
Sing a Song of Sixpence by Kaiel
Ship: Jon/Martin
In which Jonathan Sims is a Siren, and he fails to notice any new abilities granted to him by the position of Archivist. Or really anything about the Entities at all.
Takes place in season 1 featuring Jonah Magnus’s slow decent into madness
(The new mythology interwoven with tma's worldbuilding is so freaking good and I love how all the characters change and develop because of these changes. Also, f you Elias)
Along Came a Spider by Dribbledscribbles
Ship: implied Jon/Martin
Sasha James is the Archivist, as expected. Martin Blackwood is menaced by Jane Prentiss, as expected. Elias Bouchard weaves his web, as expected.
All goes as it should.
At least until something calling itself Jonathan Sims steps in.
(Web!Jon in this makes me want to weep, it's so freaking good. A pretty long, very excellent oneshot on what could've happened if Jon got taken by the web when he was a kid. And Sasha as the Archivist is ALWAYS so cool, we love her in this house.)
A Break in the Clouds by Ash_Rabbit
“I’m eight.” the kid sniffs as if eight was any different from four, maybe not an unspeakable horror then, just a regular horror. “And I heard that the Magnus Institute deals with-” his little nose scrunches, cute. “-spooky things.”
“Do you have a-” he cracks a grin, and then rethinks it as small hands tighten against their burden.”-spooky thing to deliver?” gods he hopes not, it’s bad enough when adults walk in and lay out all of their baggage, but for a child-
“There’s a spider in this book.” the kid says solemnly, raising his textbook sized parcel. “It ate Evan Pritchard.” a bloody fucking Leitner. Of course an eight year old would find a murder spider book. “This seemed like the best place to bring it.”
(I never thought about what the Original Elias could've been like AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THIS FIC. I LOVE HIM, HE'S COMPLEX AND HE CARES AND JON CARES AND THEY BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. THIS IS THE CONTENT I WANT, OMG. Also, Jon being even smaller than usual is adorable, so cute. No wonder Elias wants to hug him, a LOT.)
See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea by The_Floating_World
Ship: Jon/Martin, Jon/Oliver Banks
When Jon is a child he looks into the infinite abyss of space. The Vast looks back into him.
(One of my all time fave fics in this fandom, no questions asked. I have reread this three times and am open to doing it again, god. Vast!Jon, such a concept. It's written so beautifully and the relationships Jon develops, so good. ugh. My heart. Please please read.)
Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing
Ship: Jon/Martin
“Come in, Martin,” he says, not looking up from his notes.
“Hi, Jon,” he says, and Jon stops writing at the sound of his voice. “We’re out of the green tea, but we’ve got lemon?”
Jon looks at him. Martin smiles at him in his usual tentative way as he sets the mug of tea down on Jon’s desk. Heat spikes so sharply in his gut that he twitches with it.
“Thank you, Martin,” he says, mouth dry, and he stands up.
“Oh,” he says, sounding almost surprised. He smiles again. “No-- no problem-- um, what are you--”
Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.
(You have no idea how much I howled through this fic, my god. *buries face in hands* The number of times I wanted to cry from sheer hilarity and horror reading this good lord.)
Things Could Always Be Worse by theOestofOCs
Ship: Jon/Martin, Georgie/Melanie
Sometimes, the most horrifying thing of all is what might have been.
Somewhere, Jon could swear he heard a crowd laughing.
Or: in which Jonathan Sims is forced to swap places with his alternate self—a tall, chivalrous hero extraordinaire, who knows neither fear nor nuance—and is sent to the aggressively straight alternate universe the Magnus Archives was never meant to be.
“Whatever place this is,” Jon announced, “I just want to be sure it knows I hate it.”
(I will say this once, THIS IS THE MOST CURSED THING IVE EVER READ EVER. Like holy hell. I can't believe this thing exists. please read it oh please please please)
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[Supernatural]
heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) by Schmuzz
Ship: Dean/Cas, Jessica/Sam
A man named Cas wakes up in 2003 with no memories, but he's able to piece together a few things:
1. Supernatural creatures exist, and most of them will hurt innocent civilians if he doesn't stop them; 2. He has abilities that no human hunter should have, but he knows enough about human hunters to keep that to himself, and finally; 3. He keeps running into another hunter named Dean Winchester, who seems to be about as lonely as he is if he's willing to put up with those former facts long enough to help Cas unravel the mystery of who (or what) he really is.
For his part, Dean's still (not) dealing with Sam's departure to Stanford, and figures distracting himself with a bit of mystery and intrigue is as harmless as it gets, right? Right.
(THE fic I'm most into right now, been following this from the very start and it's AMAZING. Cas has agency and is making friends and S1 Dean is growing out of John's influence and is becoming a Person and the both of them first being friends then more. The slow burn as their relationship develops, SO GOOD. SO SO DAMN GOOD. *screams* Seriously one of the best spn fics I've read in a long, long time.)
anamnesis by cenotaphy
Ships: Castiel/Dean, Sam/Eileen
Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be.
* Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19.
(THIS IS THE FIC THAT GOT ME THROUGH THE FINALE OKAY. WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN CANON. It's Disturbing and honestly plot-wise this makes more sense. Why couldn't we have had this. *screams*)
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[Avatar: The Last Airbender]
where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor
Ship: Sokka/Zuko
When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them.
Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.
(The fact one of the tags in this fic is, "Sibling Dynamic: Fucked Up But Wholesome" should give you an idea what this fic is like. Chaotic as HELL and I just love Azula here, she loves Zuko so much in her messed up way and Zuko loves her back in the exact same way lol. It's batshit and I am Here For This.)
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[Naruto]
Eclipse by AislingRoisin (JayBird345) for HybrisAnaideia
Ship: Nara Shikaku/OFC
"In life, it's easier to remain stagnant and wallow in your troubles. But life isn't merely about continued existence, nor is it meant to be gone through alone."
(This is a fic that's slept on and I NEED people to read this. A self-insert fic that I find really interesting in its approach and the worldbuilding for the post-third war shinobi world is fantastic. I feel like there's a certain pattern with self-insert fics, not that is a detriment in any way to how much I enjoy them, so this fic feels fresh to me in a way I haven't read in a while. I am waiting eagerly for this to get updated! Please read!)
On Freedom and Other Formalities by iaso
Ship: Kakashi/Genma/OFC
When push comes to shove, Hiwa Inuzuka doesn't go down easy. Reborn into a new, dangerous world? She puts her past life as a spy to work. Thrown into a war? Hiwa does her duty, for Konoha. And when she's forced into an arranged marriage? All there is to do is beat them to the punch and get married first. Thankfully, Genma Shiranui is willing to lend a hand. Literally. SI/OC
(Listen, LISTEN, it's about the slow burn, the longing, the communication (it both has and hasn't and isn't THAT great??), the messy way you fit three very different people together, it's so freaking good! Also, Kakashi is so Chaotic here this is my fave characterization of him, you can't change my mind. And Genma is a Good Boi who is Doing His Best, along with the Self-insert character who I LOVE SO MUCH, SHE'S FANTASTIC FNEIWOPAF. Sped past this fic in the speed of light, I could not stop reading!)(Honestly, read all of the author's fics, they're all really REALLY good!)
Building a Castle by WhisperingDarkness
Without needing anyone to tell her, Sakura knew that talking to someone no-one else could see or hear would make her weird. It would draw the bad kind of attention to her, something people could make fun of her for.
She didn’t like being weird, but she did like the voice. Her inner voice was helpful and it was a part of her that had always been there. The idea of it not being there would have been so much weirder than anything else.
It was during her first year at the Academy that Sakura realised the voice was not in her head at all, but that it came from a cloudy shape floating next to her.
(Basically a short-ish retelling of Hikaru no Go. Only with more Shogi and Nara and Ninja's)
(Sakura can see ghosts (I'm noticing this is a popular trope for her) and it's really cute haha! Her relationship with Tobirama is sweet and I just enjoyed reading this so much.)
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[The Magicians]
So Long (And Thanks For All The Books) by IncompleteSentanc (Erava)
Ships: Quentin/Eliot, James/Julia, Quentin/Margo/Eliot
When Quentin is told Julia wasn't admitted to Brakebills, he realizes he has a drastic decision in front of him. If he tells Julia about magic, he'll have his mind wiped as well as hers. But he can't just leave her behind, either. He can't lose his best friend, and he can't let her life a life with her magical potential stolen away from her.
So he makes a third choice.
(Really, and I mean REALLY well-done canon divergent fic, this is the Quentin & Julia friendship fic I have been looking for forever. It explores so much of what could've happened and I just love Quentin here, I really really do. Characterization done so right. I also recommend the author's other works too. Been a follower of them for a long time, they're great.)
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[Game of Thrones]
The Road to Victory by writing_as_tracey
Too late in preparing for the Night King and the Long Night, the last stand at Winterfell is close to falling. Bran takes desperate measures to ensure victory, and Jon, Sansa, and Arya pay the price for it in a time unfamiliar to them, on the cusp of another war. [GoT, time-travel fix it]
(I swear, this fic made me laugh so many times, all the Stark are BAMF and fantastic, and Rhaegar gets Wrecked lol. It's crack btw, and the plot goes in directions you'll never guess and it's amazing hahaha!)
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[Haikyuu!!] (I am very very late to the fandom but here I am)
Ballare (To Dance) by MidnightSparks
Ship: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, and platonic Kageyama & Kentarou (really love their friendship)
Kageyama’s first love is volleyball. His second, however, is ballet.
In one world, Kageyama Tobio is left behind by his parents. In this world, the existence of soulbonds keeps Kageyama’s parents in Miyagi and leaves Kageyama in the care of his grandma and grandpa.
(In which soulmates exist and that changes everything and nothing at the same time.)
(*buries face in hands* I have fallen for this ship so hard and I can't get out fudge me. I understand now. Their DYNAMICS FIEWONPAF)
Kings of Tomorrow by bokubroya (liarielle)
Ship: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
On the eve of Tobio’s 16th birthday, he counts down the seconds to midnight, and emerges with Oikawa Tooru’s name on his wrist.
It’s been two years since then, and Tobio thought they had an understanding. A silent, never spoken about understanding that this thing between them is nothing, and they’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Of course, it’s just like Oikawa to change the game and leave Tobio wondering what comes next.
(I am WEAK for soulmate fics between these two, I don't even really like soulmate fics half the times what is WRONG WITH ME-)(Please suffer with me, I'm begging you. Its a good fic, thumbs up.)
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[Crossover]
Honey and Magic by JustARatherVerySillyWriter, White_Squirrel for Super Carlin Brothers
Fandoms: Matilda (yeah you read that right), Harry Potter
Everyone knew Matilda was a rather extraordinary child, but even she didn't know she was a witch. Matilda Honey receives her Hogwarts letter in the year of the Triwizard Tournament, and soon, she will leave her unique mark on the magical world.
(Do I even need to explain how amazing it is to have Matilda in the wizarding world? And Matilda is a HUFFLEPUFF AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL THIS FIC IS GREAT PLEASE READ!!!)
An Eye for an Eye by DpsMercy
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale
In which Jonathan Sims is not from the UK but instead, if you took his origins and turned them sideways twice then flipped them over, he technically would be from the US, the town of Night Vale specifically. Elias can’t do shit about it and gets a headache and slowly creeping madness instead.
(Look, I know probably everyone has read this because if they haven't, what have you been DOING with your lives??? Jon interning at Night Vale is Incredible, nothing phases this man, it's Delightful. I laughed so many times reading this, I'm not even kidding right now. Read or perish.)
The Favour by R_Cookie
Fandoms: Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Ship: Original Percival Graves/Harry Potter
Percival is ten years old when his grandfather tries to tell him that he's ensured the greatness of the Graves legacy for him, that he ought to be eternally grateful - but the explanation is hijacked by a stranger who manages to intimidate Chester Graves with an ease never seen before.
or: Hadrian (Harry) Potter is the Master of Death, who grants Graves a boon. Nobody could have known that the Deathly Hallows didn't turn you so much into the 'Master of Death' as into the anthropomorphic personification of Death. And so, Death becomes Percival's guardian angel, and Percival does not spit out his cereal.
(Look, I don't know how I stumbled back into the FBAWTFT fandom either, it just happened and I'm grateful for that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found this amazing fic. Their relationship is slow and strange and I just love how Percival is characterized here. Also, one of the tag promises that it deviates from canon so I am really, really excited for that! XD)
baby that's what i do by natanije
Fandoms: Naruto, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
"Are you telling me," Hidan exclaims, incredulous, "that you collect money all this time to give to orphans?!"
Kakuzu pauses. He blinks a few times.
"Huh. I guess I do."
(Tsuna reincarnates as Kakuzu and it's HILARIOUS. HE'S SUCH A MOM HAHAHA)
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'Golden Girls' Polishes Its Scripts: Daily Revisions Geared to Sharpen Story and Hone Those Laugh Lines
TRUE OR FALSE:
Actresses Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty, Rue McClanahan and Betty White write their own dialogue for "The Golden Girls." (FALSE)
Older female writers write all 25 episodes each season because no one else could understand the problems of older females. (FALSE)
In order to keep the shows consistent from week to week, one writer prepares all the episodes. (FALSE)
Ten staff writers work together to prepare a season's worth of scripts. (TRUE)
It's a Monday morning in early October and on a sound stage at the small Renmar Studios in Hollywood, the "golden girls" have gathered to read a new script. This will be episode No. 60 of the series and it will air about three weeks later — on Halloween.
Everyone in the room has heard about this week's story line: Rose writes a letter to Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev. But apart from the writers, no one has seen the final script until now. It was completed on a Saturday, photocopied 150 times on Sunday and distributed this morning to NBC; co-producer Touchstone Pictures; the show's creator, Susan Harris; the show's lawyers and researchers, and the "Golden Girls" cast and crew.
"Hopefully, they'll laugh," murmurs head writer Kathy Speer as she prepares to hear the "table reading." "If they don't, we'll be here fixing the script for a long time."
The table reading really is at tables — eight of them arranged in a rectangle. The actresses and guest actors sit on one side, facing the writers. To the actresses' left are director Terry Hughes, executive producers Paul Junger Witt and Tony Thomas and co-executive producers/head writers Speer and Terry Grossman. To the actresses' right sit NBC representatives, the show's casting director and props and wardrobe personnel.
They begin. Director Hughes reads the stage directions: Interior, kitchen — day. Sophia is seated at table. She is reading book entitled 'Magic Made Easy.' Dorothy enters.
Bea Arthur, as Dorothy, reads: "Hi, Ma."
Estelle Getty, as Sophia, reads: "Give me your watch."
Another week is under way. As the actresses go through their lines, everyone else listens intently. They laugh (or don't laugh) and take notes. By the Friday-night tapings, this script will need to play at 22 minutes. But Friday is a long way off.
As soon as the table reading ends, the writers, producers, director and an NBC program executive huddle to discuss script changes. Then, while the actresses begin rehearsals using the first draft, the writers rush off to their yellow stucco two-story building nearby to begin rewriting.
"The secret of TV half-hour comedy shows is the revisions," explains Dean Valentine, NBC director of current comedy and also the program executive on "Golden Girls." "What they start out with is 75% away from what they end up with."
"I don't think this episode is going to need much work," co-head writer Terry Grossman announces cheerfully on his way back to his office. "It got a good response at the table. We just have to cut it, smooth out transitions and clarify some story points. New jokes will be the tough thing." He anticipates a few hours' work.
"Early in the first season we were throwing out whole scenes," he recalls. "Now we know what works for each lady and what she does best. That's the advantage of being in the third year of the show. The disadvantage is that stories are harder to come by."
Grossman heads into the office he shares with his wife Speer, who is also his writing partner. They are in charge of the writing staff. "That means we are the two who get yelled at the most when something goes wrong," he jokes.
Also piling into the conference-sized room are supervising producers Barry Fanaro and Mort Nathan and producer Winifred Hervey. Despite their titles, Grossman explains, "We're all writers."
"We are the five most dull people," Nathan insists.
"We're much funnier on paper," Hervey adds.
These five, all in their 30s, met when they worked on "Benson," an earlier Witt-Thomas-Harris series. They have been with "Golden Girls" since the beginning, and every Monday they jointly rewrite the script being taped that week. They jokingly call themselves The Gang of Five.
While they start rewriting, the show's other five staff writers — Chris Lloyd, Jeff Ferro, Frederic Weiss, Robert Bruce and Martin Weiss — go back to their own offices to work on new scripts.
"To keep quality, you like as many writers as you can afford," Speer explains. "This year, we have six 'entities' (writing teams) — four sets of partners and two individuals. And we also use a few free-lance scripts each season."
Approximately 25% of the show's budget goes to the writers, executive producer Tony Thomas says. Staff writers on a comedy series earn a weekly salary plus separate payments for completed scripts. A free-lance writer who does a story outline, a first draft and a second draft can earn about $11,000. (Note: All outside script submissions must come through agents.)
"A good comedy requires a lot of teamwork, a lot of people sitting in a room working together," Thomas emphasizes. "A good team is rare, but it's not extremely rare. It's like winning the NBA title. We had it in 'Soap,' and we had it for some years in 'Benson.' Obviously this is one of the most successful staffs we’ve ever put together."
Both Witt and Thomas deal with day-to-day details on "Golden Girls." Harris, who created the series, is less involved this season because, according to Thomas, "She is working on a feature for Disney with us. But she reads all the scripts and is familiar with most of the stories."
Flashback to the previous Friday, a week when "Golden Girls" wasn't taping. Every fourth week during the season, the show shuts down, giving the actors and crew a rest and allowing the writers to catch up.
The Gang of Five is trying to explain how their writing process works. They insist on telling, rather than showing, because, as they say, they're shy. "At the beginning of the season, even having our new writers in the meeting made me a little uncomfortable," Grossman admits. "It slowed down the process."
"One of the most important things that exists with this group is that the bottom line is making the show as good as possible. It's still very difficult when your script is read for the first time and the material doesn't work. It hurts for a moment. But there's no time to take it personally. It didn't work, and the clock is ticking. You better keep moving and get it right."
Like all sitcoms, "Golden Girls" has a "bible," a book that synopsizes everything that has happened on a series. Thus, new writers don't have to watch all the previous episodes. But there is no master plan of what will happen in the future.
The idea for "Letter to Gorbachev" surfaced last May at a beginning-of-the-season meeting of the writers and producers. "It was one of 20 or 30 story notions kicked around," Barry Fanaro recalls. The obvious similarity to Samantha Smith's letter to then-Soviet leader Yuri Andropov isn't mentioned.
"Most of them didn't work,” adds Fanaro's writing partner Mort Nathan, "but this one sounded amusing. Because Rose is a childlike character, we wondered what would happen if she wrote a letter to Gorbachev about world peace. We started fleshing it out, but we couldn't think of a second act. We went round and round, and finally six weeks later we came up with a way to make the story work."
"The five of us went over it scene by scene and agreed it was workable," Fanaro continues. "Then Mort and I went off and wrote it. It took about 10 days because we were also working on other things."
Each "Golden Girls” episode is written to a formula: "the idea, the act break and the resolution," Grossman explains. "Usually there's an 'A' story and a 'B' story going. It's the natural structure."
Although Fanaro and Nathan, who won a writing Emmy last year for a "Golden Girls" episode, wrote the basic Gorbachev script, the story the audience will see has gone through the usual "Golden Girls" grinder: The Gang of Five read and dissect the first draft, adding new scenes, new lines, new jokes. "It's really a team effort," Grossman stresses.
The jokes can be the easiest part — or the hardest. "They're only hard to write when you've got one that isn't working," Grossman says. "A joke in the middle of a scene can be weak, but the 'out joke' — a snappy one-liner that ends the scene on a laugh — has to be strong."
"We may decide a scene needs a new opening," Speer explains. "There will be a long moment of silence. Then someone will ask if anybody's eaten at some new restaurant. In the course of conversation, somebody will say, 'Wait a minute. I have an idea.'"
"With five of us, at least one of us is paying attention," Hervey deadpans.
"Good writers should be able to write for men, women, old or young," Grossman says. "We all draw on other people in our lives — parents, grandparents. Part of the reason for the show's popularity is that these are very vital people. The very same story you've seen 100 times on every sitcom takes on new light with characters in this age group. That makes life easier for us.
"Also, these four actresses are sensational. To have the entire cast be able to give such high-caliber performances means you don't have to adjust your material. You write the material, and they deliver. If they can't make it work, there's something wrong with the material."
The week goes by quickly. On Tuesday morning, the "golden girls" read over the revised script and discover that one scene has changed considerably. Some lines have been cut, while others have been sharpened. There are several new jokes. A press conference scene has been shifted from a hotel room to the ladies' living room.
On Tuesday night, the Gang of Five works late. During the day's rehearsals they realized that the revised scene didn’t play well so they jettisoned it and added some new dialogue and a few more jokes.
Following Wednesday's rehearsals, they hone the script a little more. Time is pressing. By the Thursday afternoon dress rehearsal, the actresses try to be script-perfect, although they often aren't. By now, the original 52-page script has been reduced to 50 pages, and almost every page has had at least one alteration.
For instance, on Monday when Blanche accidentally spat Coca-Cola on a Soviet Embassy official, he responded by saying, "No apology necessary." Now he says, "No need to apologize. In Moscow, we have to stand in line four hours to get this."
Late Friday afternoon, the audience files into Renmar Studios to watch the first taping. The writers are standing by, just in case a last-minute problem occurs. During the 90-minute dinner break, while a new audience is arriving, the cast, writers and producers calmly discuss how to improve the second taping. A few lines are cut, the taping is completed, and it’s on to the next week.
Source: Mills, Nancy. 1987. 'Golden Girls' Polishes Its Scripts: Daily Revisions Geared to Sharpen Story and Hone Those Laugh Lines. Los Angeles Times, October 30, https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1987-10-30-ca-11702-story.html
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castielific · 3 years
Text
The scars of our story
Genre: Dean/Castiel, domestic fluff with a hint of drama Rating: PG-13 Words: 1 478 Awesome Betas: @myblackeyedboy and @kindafanfic Summary:
"You never told me how you got those," Dean says, cheek resting on the back of Castiel's shoulder as he looks down at the scars between his omoplates. Their legs are still tangled together, their breath still a little short from what they just did, their skin sticky for more than one reason.
"Archery accident," Castiel answers, voice muffled by his pillow.
Dean laughs, lightly biting Cas' shoulder in reprimand. "You've never held a bow in your life."
Cas doesn't answer right away, he's fighting not to tense up as Dean touches the scars again. He can feel the ghost of his wings fluttering, trying to chase away the tingling fingers.
LINK TO THE STORY ON AO3
Or you can read the complete story under the cut
The sheet sticks to Castiel's sweaty back as he turns over and buries his face into his pillow. He shivers when the tip of a finger starts tracing the two lines on his back.
"You never told me how you got those," Dean says, cheek resting on the back of Castiel's shoulder as he looks down at the scars between his omoplates. Their legs are still tangled together, their breath still a little short from what they just did, their skin sticky for more than one reason.
"Archery accident," Castiel answers, voice muffled by his pillow.
Dean laughs, lightly biting Cas' shoulder in reprimand. "You've never held a bow in your life."
Cas doesn't answer right away, he's fighting not to tense up as Dean touches the scars again. He can feel the ghost of his wings fluttering, trying to chase away the tingling fingers. There is nothing, of course. Not anymore. But he can still feel them sometimes. He still goes to sleep every night imagining that Dean is sheltered beneath his wings.
"I was attacked by an eagle," he says instead.
A tap on his naked ass makes him yelp in surprise and they both laugh. Cas turns around, to avoid the touch as much as to try and change the subject. He grabs the back of Dean's neck, clashing their lips together in a kiss that doesn't last as long as he would like. He still marvels at the fact that he can do that now, at the privilege it is to be able to caress and kiss Dean whenever he wants to. He does it a lot.
"You're a terrible liar," Dean teases, bumping their noses together, affectionately.
Cas can't quite look him in the eyes, so he grabs his chin and brings him in for another kiss. It's the best diversion he's found. Sex and affection always prevail over anything else for Dean.
For this Dean, anyway.
When their lips separate, their breaths are short again, Cas can feel Dean’s renewed interest grow against his hip.
The sun is streaming through the curtains, casting Dean's face in an orange glow and making him grimace. Cas traces the lines accentuating his cheeks and his eyes. Laugh lines now. They used to be lines of stress and anguish, but now they're just laugh lines. Traces of a life well lived.
That's what anyone but Cas would believe anyway, even Dean himself.
Only Cas knows the true origin of the white scar along Dean's forehead, or why his fingers are so crooked, why his joints ache so much when he's only forty. What truly happened to him during the first four decades of his life. It's part of the same story as the scars on his own back. Part of the story that he'll never be able to tell and sometimes wishes he would forget.
"My mysterious husband," Dean says, rolling his eyes despite the caress he drapes along Cas' cheeks.
"I was stabbed by an ex," Castiel says, deadpanned.
Dean frowns with worry for all of four seconds before he scoffs. "Liar," he accuses with a smile.
"I had very ugly moles," Cas tries with a disgusted grimace.
"Liar."
"I used to have my mother's name tattooed there."
Dean moans in frustration and lets himself fall back to his side of the bed, dramatically pushing Cas' face away with one hand. Cas chuckles, lightly biting the fingers on his face until Dean takes them away.
The other man is lying on his side now, scrutinizing him with his cheek on the pillow as Castiel sits up with his back against the headboard.
"You know, you're only making me more curious by avoiding the subject," Dean warns.
"I answered the question!" Cas teasingly protests.
"Somehow, you're the person I feel like I know the best, yet you're still a mystery to me sometimes."
"I could return the compliment."
"No," Dean says, more seriously, "No you can't. You know me. Sometimes it feels like you know me better than I know myself."
Cas takes a calming breath, trying to relax his muscles and keep his face blank.
"That breath. That's when I know you're lying," Dean says, sounding a little sad.
"I didn't say anything," Castiel says, his throat so tight that the words can barely get out.
Dean stares at him, searching his face for so long that Cas is afraid that he might detect the truth under the walls he's keeping. Sometimes he wishes Dean would see it, that Dean will remember. He wishes he could have his Dean back, the Dean he first fell in love with. He knows he can't, he knows it will never happen because Dean would die if he did. Both Deans.
Castiel was lucky enough that this new Dean fell in love with him.
This Dean is devoid of darkness and of violence. This Dean knows nothing of Heaven and Hell and the wars they've fought side by side. He doesn't know the loss, the pain and impossible choices they had to make through the years.
He's not his Dean, but that's okay, because when he's by his side, he's not the old Castiel either. Sometimes he can even forget about the nightmares they've lived through and just enjoy the love he never believed they could share.
Castiel still wonders sometimes. He wonders if the old Dean, his Dean, could have ever loved him the way that this Dean does. So freely and entirely, without angst and reservations, without the weight of death and betrayals that has always haunted their relationship. He'll never know now, but still he wonders.
Castiel blinks out of his thoughts when two fingers tap his forehead. "Here they are, the mysteries," Dean teases with a cheeky grin.
He's always grinning now. Even through the darkness, Dean has always had the ability to be excited by the most simple things. Now that the darkness is gone from his life and memories, his happiness is so infectious that it sometimes invades Castiel too, making him forget, if only for a few minutes. Seconds.
"It's no mystery that I love you."
"Is that what you were thinking about?" Dean asks, searching his eyes.
"Yes," Castiel swears. Honest, in his own way.
"Then why did you look so sad?"
Castiel can feel his own smile starting to crumble, but forces it right back up. He passes the pad of his thumb over Dean's lips until they start to turn up at the corner.
"Because I was thinking of the time before I knew you."
Dean throws his head back and gives a throaty laugh with his mouth opened, green eyes twinkling and dimples showing. "You are such a fucking sap!"
Cas can't resist the long throat exposed in front of him and latches his mouth to it, rolling until he's lying on top of the other man. His smile isn't forced when Dean's legs immediately part to leave him a place between them.
"Just a sap for now, but the rest can be arranged," Cas announces, wiggling his eyebrows at the same time as his hips, making his husband laugh again.
"And still awful at flirting," Dean notes.
Cas bites the other man's chin, before trailing kisses along his jaw and toward his ear. "Good thing there’s a thing or two I'm good at, or you would have never married me."
"Yeah. Good thing you're still the best person I've ever met," Dean breathes when Cas sucks on his earlobe.
It stops Cas for a second, makes him close his eyes and takes a deep breath that can't quite pass the ball of lies that is stuck in his throat. Two years now, and he still chokes on them sometimes. Still spend sleepless nights thinking of all that he's lost.
Conflicting images flash behind his eyelids. A first meeting in a barn with literal sparks flying and as much fright as wonder in Dean's eyes. Another one in the garage Dean is now working at. Castiel only went there because he was missing him, never believing he would get to have more than a few minutes with Dean, thinking it would be their last. It ended up being a new beginning for them.
Cas is not sure which one he prefers, which story is the most beautiful. He wishes he didn't have to choose.
Dean's arms come around his shoulders, squeeze until he's as close as he possibly can be, until Castiel feels like he can breathe again. There are lies but no regrets. He loves this Dean as much as he loves old Dean. They are one and the same in all the ways that matter.
Dean's happiness is all he's ever wanted, has been the sole purpose of his life and sacrifices for more than a decade. Still is. Always will be.
"Who's the sap now?"
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satansbooks · 3 years
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Obey Me Headcanons
Reader is gn also winchester.
warnings: swear words. I don't know what to put in this. it's my first time actually so definitely be prepared of messy writing and some grammar mistakes?
a/n: hey! I hope you like it since I started watching supernatural again. I thought why don't I give it a try. I didn't add belphegor since this headcanon/fic takes a place in the first month of the whole exchange program. ✨here you are✨
word count: 1,7k
summary: reader is the youngest sibling of winchesters, end up in devildom.
okay so, you and your brothers were after a stupid shapeshifter for two weeks now and let me tell you that, being in a same car with your annoying brothers for two weeks without getting any rest to deal with them was sucked.
this shapeshifter (you guys were guessing he was an alpha since he was fast and wasn't struggling with shifting.) was homicidal maniac to be honest. he killed more than thirty children in a two weeks row and they were so random. like he was killing for fun. there were not any pattern or connection between them.
town to town, city to city. you and your brothers chased him non stoppingly. your body was craving for some bed to sleep on. or a pillow. or anything that is soft and resting. these leather seats were hella uncomfortable.
and still, still you had a very little information about him. he was leaving lots of trace for you to find him. he seemed like he was enjoying your little chasing game. well that makes one. because you were this close to lose your shit.
you were watching stars from your side of the car window while driving (the road was soo empty. you were sure you could drive with your eyes closed). your older brothers music was keeping you company on a low sound level to not to wake them up. normally Dean wouldn't trust you with his car but he was tired. after all he was driving for two weeks with a very little rest. he needed some sleep. at least more than six hours. and Sam, well he just likes sleeping and napping.
so when your vision blurred suddenly you act quick to pull over. without any second you found yourself in a room. it was like a court room with eight chairs. different animal shadows was painted on the walls behind the court chairs. dark decorations and purple&black flags all over the place. only some candles were lighting the whole room.
spooky?
later you found out you were in devildom as an exchange student for a whole year just because some fancy underground elite wanna show off to three realm that he's the one and only king that can bring peace and serenity. you were his little experiment.
anyone could tell you were beyond being angry. you were frustrated. and nothing, nothing you do could change that.
or you thought...
he knew keeping you under his control would be hard so he decided to do what he can do best.
dealing.
if you could stay here without giving him or the house of lamentation any trouble for a month, he was going to release you. but he was sure you would want to stay here after you spent a month. (he knew thanks to barbatos..)
you didn't say anything to him. you knew your brothers would come to get you before that. even if it means they have to destroy whole "devildom". you were sure. also you didn't have anything to use against these demons except your tattoo (which would only work if one of them wanna take over your body.) so the best option was keeping your mouth shut and agreeing with them. you just had to wait for a month.
first night was hard.
not that it got any easier for some time.
you couldn't sleep but who could have blame you. you were in hell. it doesn't matter which fancy name they were calling it. it was hell. the sulphuric smell was unbearable and of course you only had silver knives with you (you were carrying them in your shoe. they were kinda small but since a lot of creatures has a weak spot for silver the size didn't matter. you wished it could harm demons too) so you were unarmed.
they seemed nice tho. they were kind to you (most of the time) especially Beelzebub. so you thought to give them a shot. what could have happen worst?
Lucifer realized the runes you used to seal your room when he was bringing some paper work to your room about exchange program.
these kind of runes were useless here. but he didn't want to say anything to you, clearly you needed them.
Mammon was your 'first' guy. he was with you on your way to RAD and also in your classes. (Lucifer made sure that you two have the same class schedule) eventually you started talking with him because it was impossible not to. he was charming, talkative and funny. you would be lying if you said you wouldn't enjoying his company during your time with him. (especially after the whole pact thing. it only brought you two closer.)
you were quick to remove all runes in your room after that.  because you and mammon started watching movies together. sometimes Beel and Levi would join you.
and when you were not, you were with Asmodeus.
your father was trying to keep a balance between his kids and his hunting business, most of the time you were with your brothers. they were pretty protective over their younger sibling. that actually explained why you didn't have any friends.
so when asmodeus asked you to come shopping with him you were slightly shocked?
yeah, of course you and your brothers went to shopping but it was because of some necessity not for fun or spending your time.
but your nervousness passed quickly around him. he was lovely, and so very kind. you actually liked how straightforward he was. and this little "shopping sprees" turn into your things.
your first and genuine interactions with all of the brothers were on a dinner.
they were trying to scare mammon by using the so told "ghosts" in their house. they were just joking around but even the thought of them made the second eldest shudder.
you didn't say anything because you were enjoying your well-cooked meal which was from human realm (they decided to put some human world food in their menu in order to make you feel more comfortable)
"there's no such a thing as ghosts!"
Mammon said without waiting more. you could sense the anger mixing with fear in his voice. then you feel a sudden urge to laugh.
"oi, what are ya laughing at human!"
"of course there is Mammon. they're pretty common. I'm sure there is one in this house."
you couldn't stop your laughter. there wasn't anything funny about it actually but come to think of it, he was one of the most powerful demon in three realms and scared of low level creatures like ghosts?
brothers always forgot they actually have a hunter in their houses---
they all asked tons of questions about ghosts and other stuffs you've been hunting.
satan was the most curious one about this topic. he asked you many questions about them after dinner. of course he read all about them but it was just basic informations to be honest. (and they all sounded like a fairytale tbh)
please don't be surprised when he actually arranges some kind of hunting trip with you to examine them closely. lucifer didn't know about that.
but figured it out when two of you showed up to RAD very late, smelling like rock salt and fuel.
you gave him one of your notebooks (you started to take notes about the creatures you're hunting with your brothers just like your father did. you already had four notebooks for now. it was like diary.) to study. he appreciates it. :''
okay here's another thing, your older brothers appetite was something you've never seen before. or you thought before meeting with Beelzebub.
when you met Beelzebub for the first time you didn't mind his eagerness to eat that much. (Dean was your family's Beelzebub lol.) obviously you couldn't eat as much as he does but your company kept him happy.
he was giving you big-bear-hugs whenever you talk about your brothers or how bad you missed them. (he feels you :'))
you two started to go diners or whatever they were calling it so often. he was kind and thoughtful. even invited you to join him for workouts. (since you're not going hunting trips anymore, you decided to join him on gym to keep yourself and your form steady.)
after gym you usually would watch a show called "I'm an unstoppable powerful wizard but still don't know how to fall in love with someone so I'm hunting other creature's to forget about my massive heart-break but it's not really a heart-break." which was a good show to be honest.
thats how you got close with Levi. he already was impressed your skills as a hunter ('they're like, out of an anime!' he thought) so he invited you for long gaming sessions in his room. since you were always in a car. it was difficult first. but you got used to it. (he was good at teaching)
you spent tons of sleepless night with him: watching movies and animes, playing games, reading and re-acting manga scenes.
the most challenging demon to communicate was lucifer. he already met your brothers. and he didn't like them. he had a strong prejudice about you. he thought you were just like your brothers.
but after some time, when you started to get more comfortable around other brothers it also effected your relationship with the eldest.
and it all started with a dumb question.
he was doing some paperwork for lord diavolo with you about the exchange program. when you sighed for the millionth time in an hour. he had no choice but ask what was the problem.
"can you look into my eyes and ask me what do I truly desire?"
he was confused?
"I mean there's a Lucifer in human world who can bring people's darkest desires. so I was wondering if you could do the same."
now he was more confused.
there was a Lucifer in human realm? and what was his ability again?
when you try to explain him and failed over and over again you decided to show him.
and you two started to watch Lucifer.
he actually enjoyed spending some alone time with you.
after a month, your brothers never showed up. you didn't want them to. Lucifer said he taken care of them. and he promised that he didn't hurt them.
even if you missed your brothers too much. you knew one year wouldn't hurt anyone.
after all maybe that 'underground elite' was right. he was the one and only who could bring peace and serenity over the three realms...
and you were very thankful to him.
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tcm · 3 years
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The Golden Boy, John Garfield By Susan King
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Stanley Kowalski in Tennessee Williams’ A Streetcar Named Desire was Marlon Brando’s signature role. It made the then 23-year-old Brando an overnight Broadway sensation in 1947, and he electrified movie audiences and earned his first Oscar nomination for the classic 1951 film version. But he wasn’t the first choice to play Blanche’s earthy brother-in-law. Producer Irene Selznick had her eyes on Hollywood star John Garfield, who frequently took time out from movies to return to the Great White Way for limited runs.
In fact, writer John Lahr reported in 2014 that on July 19, 1947, Selznick drew up a contract for the 34-year-old actor, “one of the few sexy Hollywood stars with a proletarian pedigree. The Selznick office leaked the big news to the press. The contract was never signed. On August 18 the deal with Garfield collapsed.”
One of the reasons bandied about was that Garfield turned down the role because the contract would have kept him away from Hollywood for too long. Though Brando is considered the performer who ushered in the more naturalistic style of acting (known as “the Method”) both on stage and in film, truth be told it was Garfield who was the catalyst for Brando, as well as Montgomery Clift, Paul Newman, James Dean and Steve McQueen.
Just look at Garfield’s first feature film, FOUR DAUGHTERS (’38). Directed by Michael Curtiz, the cast includes Lane sisters Lola, Rosemary and Priscilla, in addition to Gale Page as the four musically inclined daughters of a widower music professor (Claude Rains). Enter handsome boy-next-door Jeffrey Lynn as a budding composer named Felix who endears himself with all the daughters, especially peppy Ann (Priscilla Lane).
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The household is put in an uproar with the arrival of Garfield’s Mickey Borden, the original rebel anti-hero. Unkempt, slovenly and possessing a massive chip on his shoulder, Mickey is an orchestrator who has arrived at the house to work with Felix. You can’t keep your eyes off him especially in this early monologue where he explains his anger to Ann:
“They’ve been at me now nearly a quarter of a century. No let-up. First, they said, ‘Let him do without parents. He’ll get along.’ Then they decided, ‘He doesn’t need education. That’s for sissies.’ Then right at the beginning, they tossed a coin, ‘Heads he’s poor, tail’s he’s rich.’ So, they tossed a coin…with two heads. Then for the finale, they got together on talent. ‘Sure, they said, let him have talent. Not enough to let him do anything on this own, anything good or great Just enough to let him help people. It’s all he deserves.’”
There was a sexuality and eroticism to Garfield’s performance that was 180 degrees different from Lynn’s durable and safe leading man. He was so natural; it was almost like someone found Garfield walking down the street in the Bronx and asked him to star in the movie. “He was the prototypical Depression rebellion youth,” actor Norman Lloyd told me about Garfield for the L.A. Times in 2003. They first met in 1937 and worked together on Garfield’s final film HE RAN ALL THE WAY (’51).
“He combined all of these elements of darkness and rebelliousness with the charm and the poignancy and he became the prototypical actor of that time. He never changed as a person. He remained just as a wonderful guy. He was a man of great charm, a good fellow, very likable.”
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There was a lot of Mickey in Garfield, who was born Jacob Julius Garfinkle in 1913 on the Lower East Side of New York to poor Russian immigrants. Julie, as he was called, had a rough and tumble upbringing. His mother died when he was seven. “He hated his father,” his daughter Julie Garfield noted in 2003. “His father was awful to him. He was torn away from his brother.” In fact, Garfield once said that if he hadn’t become an actor, he would have been “Public Enemy No. 1.”
Unlike Mickey, the fates and destiny were looking after him. First, it was educator Angelo Patri, who became a surrogate dad to Julie at P.S. 45, a high school for troubled students. With Patri’s encouragement, he joined the debate team where he discovered he had a gift for acting. That was further nurtured when he received a scholarship to Maria Ouspenskaya’s acting school. He was all of 18 when he made his Broadway debut in 1932 in Lost Boy and became the youngest member of the progressive and influential Group Theatre, appearing in Clifford Odets’ early masterpieces Waiting for Lefty and Awake and Sing. 
Odets wrote the play Golden Boy for Garfield in 1937, but director Harold Clurman decided to give the lead role of boxer Joe Bonaparte to Luther Adler and cast Garfield in a minor role. His unhappiness with Clurman’s decision pushed Garfield into signing a contract with Warner Bros. And FOUR DAUGHTERS made him an overnight sensation. He earned a Supporting Actor Oscar nomination, but lost to Walter Brennan who picked up his second Academy Award in that category for Kentucky (‘38).
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The following year, Garfield, Rains, the Lane siblings, Page and Curtiz reunited for DAUGHTERS COURAGEOUS, in which the actors played different characters from the prior film. It was probably the best film Garfield made that year. But Warner Brothers put him in a lot of movies that were unworthy of his talent including BLACKWELL’S ISLAND (’39) where he was typecast as a gangster. He made some good movies in 1941, including THE SEA WOLF, which also starred Edward G. Robinson and Ida Lupino and reunited him with Curtiz, and also Anatole Litvak’s atmospheric noir OUT OF THE FOG also with Lupino.
Because he suffered heart damage from scarlet fever, Garfield couldn’t serve during World War II. But he entertained the troops on USO tours and opened the famous Hollywood Canteen with Bette Davis so the troops could be entertained and be served by some of Hollywood’s biggest stars. Both Davis and Garfield appeared as themselves in the hit 1944 film HOLLYWOOD CANTEEN. Garfield also fought the global conflict on screen, giving one of his strongest and grittiest performances in PRIDE OF THE MARINES (’45), a poignant drama based on the life Al Schmid who was blinded by a grenade during the Battle of Guadalcanal. He returns home to his wife (Eleanor Powell) a bitter, doubting man who has a difficult time trying to deal with his new life.
The year 1946 saw the release of two of Garfield’s most enjoyable films HUMORESQUE and THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE. HUMORESQUE was his last film under his Warner Bros. contract. It’s a delicious melodramatic wallow with Garfield playing a poor New York kid who becomes a famous concert violinist. Joan Crawford, coming off her Oscar-winning triumph in Mildred Pierce (’45), plays a wealthy patroness who sets her sights on Garfield. Garfield went to MGM for POSTMAN, which was based on James M. Cain’s best-selling thriller. Garfield turns up the heat with Lana Turner as illicit lovers who brutally murder her husband only to turn on each other when they are caught.
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The actor teamed up with Bob Roberts to form an independent production company, Enterprise Productions, and their first feature was the boxing classic BODY AND SOUL (’47), for which he earned his second Oscar nomination as Charley Davis, a boxer who loses his way when he gets involved with an unscrupulous promoter. Not only does he have a strong chemistry with leading lady Lilli Palmer, but also African American actor Canada Lee as Ben, a boxer with brain damage. And Garfield gets to utter one of his greatest lines in BODY AND SOUL: “What are you going to do? Kill me? Everybody dies.”
Though his next Enterprise production wasn’t a hit, FORCE OF EVIL (’48), co-written and directed by Abraham Polonsky, is a terrific film noir with a hard-hitting Garfield as a corrupt attorney trying to save his numbers-racket brother (Thomas Gomez) from his gangster boss. Garfield returned to Warner Bros. and Curtiz in 1950 for THE BREAKING POINT, which was based on Hemingway’s 1937 novel, To Have and Have Not. It’s an outstanding film noir with a superb performance from Garfield as well as from Black actor Juano Hernandez who plays his partner on the fishing boat.
THE BREAKING POINT was Garfield’s penultimate film and was not a hit because The Blacklist was engulfing Hollywood and the actor, despite the fact he wasn’t a Communist. His film career was over in 1951 when he refused to cooperate with HUAC at his hearing. Before his death of a heart attack in 1952 at the age of 39, Garfield did appear in a short-lived Broadway revival of Golden Boy, which also starred Lee J. Cobb, a young Jack Klugman and Joseph Wiseman.
Though she was only 6 ½ when he died, Julie Garfield recalls seeing her father on stage in Golden Boy where he introduced her during the curtain call. “When he smiled at you it was like being in the sun,” she noted. “He was funny and sometimes he would like to dance and kick up his legs. I remember him adoring me. He used to take me to the merry-go-round a lot in New York. He was so strong, so handsome and he loved to kid me. He would give me this mischievous smile. I wish I remembered more about him…”
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smol-and-grumpy · 4 years
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Good Morning - Chapter 2
Coffee shop!AU
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Summary: Dean Winchester, owner of Dean’s Beans is living a humble and quiet life. Roasting beans and selling coffee in his little shop is what makes him happy. When she walked into his shop four months ago, his life changed, but is it for better or worse?
Chapter Warnings: None. Just Dean being adorable and flustered.
WC: 1804
Beta’d by: @deanwanddamons​ <3
Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist
Become a Patron ~ Buy me a coffee
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Tuesday, September 1st
 Dean’s working the front again like he always does in the mornings. Mainly, because he lives just above the shop and secondly, he wants to spare Benny the travel time. If someone would ask Benny why Dean never lets him work the early shift, the dude would say that the arguments Dean’s bringing up are all lies. Benny would say that it was because Dean doesn’t want to share preparing coffee for her with anyone else. 
He thinks his friend is exaggerating. But maybe, yeah, there’s some truth to it. She never comes in during the day. Not at night either. They’re open till eight, but he’s never seen her coming in apart from the mornings.
While Dean works the machine, his phone starts to vibrate in his pants. With one free hand, he fishes it out.
Liz.
He’s got no patience for the woman, at least not when he’s working, but maybe it’s about Ben. It usually is about Ben when she calls. 
Dean picks up, wedges his phone between his shoulder and head to be able to still work with both hands. 
“Liz,” He breathes out.
“Dean, you’ve got to talk to him,” Liz says meekly.
He knows exactly who she means by him.
“What about?”
“He’s not happy. He’s closed up and we have a fight every morning before he has to go to school. It’s draining my energy!”
“Why can’t Gordon talk to him?” Dean asks, and he thinks it isn’t too much of him to ask to get Gordon to talk to Ben. Gordon is Ben’s stepdad after all and he and Liz have been married for quite some time now. The dude has spent more time in the house with Ben than Dean ever had. 
“It will only make it worse.” 
Dean’s putting the lid on the cup and hands it out, taking the money in exchange, and letting it slip into the register. He only nods at the customer, but the man understands, nodding back at him.
“You know that you’re the only one he listens to,” Liz continues and adds, “We had a fight this morning. Every morning actually since the school year started.”
The bell chimes and Dean’s still trying to find a polite way to talk to Liz. It’s hard to form words sometimes without sounding too rude. While he’s still thinking about what to say, he looks up and sees her walking in. 
“‘K, Liz, have him call me, alright? I got work to do, bye.” He hangs up before Liz could say anything and lets the phone slip back into his pant pocket before taking another order, “Good Morning, what can I get you?”
While Dean prepares the order for the man in the front, he can’t help but take quick glances at her every now and then. 
She has a backpack strapped around her shoulder instead of the usual laptop bag. He shouldn’t notice these little things, yet here he is and it’s weird, isn’t it? The way he already knows her habits, the way he knows that when it’s warm enough, she wears a shirt or a blouse, combines it with some kind of a jacket when the mornings are cool. Sometimes, leather, which makes his head spin. Sometimes it’s a jeans jacket, which is really cute and it suits her. Sometimes, she’d wear a cardigan that makes her look so innocent and pure, it almost gets his heart to explode from all the clenching that it does.
There were times when she would wear a long-sleeved shirt for three or four days in a row and Dean kept wondering why. It was not exactly cold out. 
Now, when the mornings start to get cooler, he notices that she wears a thick jumper that’s way too big for her. It makes her look more fragile. Makes her look like someone that needs protection. Maybe she does? Dean doesn’t know. Didn’t allow himself to go there and question it. All he knows is that it makes him want to protect her.
What he also knows is that when she’s running late to his shop, she’d show up bare-faced and her hair’s usually in knots or a ponytail because she probably overslept. There’s no make up on her face whatsoever, but there’s always a glint of lip gloss on her lips. Which is not really fucking fair to him because he’d like to kiss those glistening lips. 
Right now, Dean’s serving the customer before her, but he feels her eyes on him. It doesn’t make him work on the order any faster, though. Almost spilling hot milk over his own goddamn clumsy hands as he does. Finally, he manages to put the lid on the cup and hands it over, “Thank you, and have a good day!”
With a grin, she steps closer to the counter and he turns into a stupid teen again. His face is tilted down a little, his cheeks are flushed because they feel like they are burning up big time, and there’s a smirk on his stupid face, can’t really help it.
“Good morning,” He mumbles, can’t really bring it out louder, “The same as usual?” He manages to ask, is a little proud of himself to push the word over his lips without a stutter.
She nods with a smile, “Hi, Dean. Please,” 
Oh, she’s greeting him by name now. That’s progress, right? He absolutely loves how his name sounds rolling off her tongue. Smooth like fucking honey, and he absolutely wouldn’t mind to hear it more often.
“Double?” Dean asks, just to make sure. 
Double is her go-to when she needs to wake up. A One-shot is normally only reserved for a couple of days a month, he guesses that it’s when she’s on her period. It’s absolutely stalker-ish of him to know these facts, and Dean knows that he shouldn’t even notice but he does.
“Uh, do you do triple?”
He chuckles, “I don’t think that would do you any good if you have to work, you might be shaking the whole morning and your eyes are going to cross.”
“Good thing I’m not working in the office today, then.”
He lifts his eyebrows, wants to ask more, but he knows that it’s not his fucking place, “Right,” He says, “Just this one time, okay?”
Smiling, she nods, “Thank you.”
As Dean prepares the three shots of espresso, he risks a glance, sees her watching him with a small smile.
“So, no office today?” He blurts out and he feels absolutely stupid. She’d think he’s weird for asking about her personal life, won’t she?
“Nope, my office has maxed out on capacity and I’m working mostly from home unless I do have to go in for meetings.”
He lifts one eyebrow, “And why aren’t you home now when you don’t have to be anywhere?”
Dean can feel her change in demeanor. Her shoulders are tensing and she bites on her bottom lip. It’s just really quick and she probably thinks that he didn’t notice, but he did. 
He pours the three shots into a big cup, proceeds to pour some milk into the jug and he doesn’t look at her, because he’s afraid that she’ll close up to him now that he has gotten her to talk some more. 
“I don’t really have good wifi at home.” She says simply and Dean believes her, although he has the feeling that there’s something else she doesn’t tell him. But he takes that explanation because it’s a valid one. 
He knows himself how wifis can be a pain in the ass in the city. The wifi in his apartment above the shop does the same sometimes and he should really buy a new router, but he just doesn’t seem to spend enough time in there and the wifi in the shop is good enough for him to do his administrative work. 
Dean is warming up the milk, the sound is noisy and he can’t concentrate on her because he has to be careful not to make too much foam and spill it over his own hands again. 
When he pours the milk into the cup, he has a sudden lightbulb moment. And he looks up, sees her staring. 
Dean grins.
“What?” She asks with clear irritation on her face. 
“I was just thinking,” He says, as he picks up the cocoa powder and sprinkles it over the foam of milk, “You can work in here. We have a pretty good wifi connection and you’re right at the coffee source.” He shrugs nonchalantly, doesn’t want her to see that he’s excited about the prospect of her doing her work in his shop. At least he doesn’t want to seem like he’s more excited than he should be.
“Oh, I can’t,” She says and pauses, “Or can I?” 
Dean raises an eyebrow as he finishes putting the lid onto her triple espresso beverage, “Yeah, you can. There are a couple of people coming in to work from here, some stay a couple of hours, some the whole day.” He shrugs and it’s not even a full lie. He really has people working out of his shop, he doesn’t have people who stay the whole day, though. The most that someone stays is about three hours, so it’s not really a lie. He’s just twisting the truth a little. 
“Okay, I might take you up on that. But this week I’ve rented out an office desk space downtown already, so maybe I’ll be here next week?”
“Sounds great,” Dean smiles, couldn’t not smile because there’s a sudden feeling of joy logged in his chest. 
She hands him a five-dollar bill this time and Dean actually doesn’t want to take it. She notices the irritation on his face.
“For the muffin last time, Dean.”
“I can’t take it.” 
“Do it.” 
“Fine, but here,” He grabs the little paper bag packed with a muffin and holds it out for her, “Another one.” He hopes she doesn’t see how much he’s blushing. 
She grins, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Dean answers with a sincere smile, “Oh, and do I get to know your name?” 
His heart is thumping fast in his chest and his throat feels dry. God, he definitely feels like a teen again. 
“My name?” She asks, her grin grows cocky, he likes that a lot.
“Yeah,” Dean huffs out a breath, “You know mine. It’s only fair.”
She actually laughs, god what a nice sound. It’s indeed a good morning.
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s only fair. I’m Y/N.” She’s still chuckling. 
“Alright, Y/N, have a nice day and thank you,” He holds up the five-dollar bill. 
“I’ll see you, Dean.” She nods before she leaves and hell, yeah, he hopes that he’ll see her soon.
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Chapter 3
Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.
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Owe You One - Part 4
Title: Owe You One - Jefferson’s Starship
Pairing: Dean x Reader
Word Count: 7,067
Warnings: Minor Angst, Sexual Harassment, Self-Loathing, Anxiety, Fluff, Smut, Friends with Benefits
Summary: Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?
Owe You One - Masterlist
Squares Filled: Bartender!AU ( @spndeanbingo) FWB Relationship ( @spnfluffbingo)
A/N: Part 4!! I hope y’all enjoy this part!! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!! Happy reading!!  
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 You stirred away at the pot you had on the stove, getting dinner ready for yourself. It was Friday night, and you had just gotten home from work about half an hour ago. You changed into your comfortable pyjamas before deciding to cook yourself a nice dinner. You were going to curl up on the couch for a little while and maybe turn in early. You had nothing extensive planned. Nothing but your PVR and previous episodes of The Walking Dead to catch up on.
 You reached for a bowl in the cupboard next to you, placing it on the counter before pouring your pasta into it. You heard three loud knocks at your door, pulling you from your meal for a moment. You placed it back down on the stove before heading over to the door, opening it up. You rolled your eyes with a smile when you found Dean standing there with a smile playing on his lips. You walked away from the door, letting him walk in without protest.
 “You want something to eat? I made enough pasta for two,” you pointed out. “Four cheese.”
 “Oh fuck yes,” he nodded, taking a seat at your counter. You reached in the cupboard, grabbing another bowl before pouring some into it. You took two forks out of the drawer, bringing Dean’s bowl over first before your own. You hopped on the chair next to him, looking forward to tasting your meal.
 “Thank you for this,” he smiled, taking a forkful.
 “You’re welcome,” you beamed, taking your own bite.
 “So what are you up to tonight?” he asked nonchalantly.
 “Stuff,” you answered smuggly. “What do you want?”
 “How do you know I want something?” he claimed, his voice went up half an octave.
 “Because you didn’t call or text before coming over tonight. You usually do if you just want to hang out for the night. So I’ll ask again, what do you want, Winchester?” you chuckled.
 “Okay, I have a huge favour to ask and seen as how you’re wearing your cute comfy pyjamas, I know you aren’t doing anything tonight. I also know for a damn fact that you would never let any guy see you in those so you’re not getting laid tonight.”
 “Thank you! I get the point,” you scoffed playfully, taking another bite.
 “I need help at the bar tonight. Sammy’s gonna be late and all I’ve got is Benny. You’re the only one that I can trust,” he stated. “I’ll pay you, of course. And whatever tips you make are yours.”
 “So you want me to bartend at Jefferson’s Starship tonight and I get paid?” you chuckled. “Actual money?”
 “What, you think I’m going to pay you in sex again?” he laughed, shaking his head. “‘Cause I can if you want me to. A little touchy touchy-”
 “Shut up, Dean,” you giggled, shoving him a little. “How late do I have to stay?”
 “Just until Sam gets in,” he assured you. “Not all night.”
 “Alright, let me eat. Then I’ll go get changed. You’re lucky I like you,” you side-eyed him.
 “I owe you big time,” he breathed out in relief. “Like huge, sweetheart.”
 “I’ll take you up on it at some point,” you winked. “Really though, you don’t owe me anything. Remember, you helped me out of a very low point. That isn’t easy.”
 “I still owe you a little. You literally never go out to the bar,” he pointed out with a sad smile.
 “You are more than right. Remember that,” you winked. “How was your day anyways?”
 “Eh, it was okay. Pretty busy as usual. I kept to myself at my station. My dad worked on what he needed to do. I fixed up a couple of cars and got all my paperwork done so I don’t have to do any this weekend. Fresh start Monday morning,” he explained to you. “How was your day?”
 “It was okay. Boring as hell, but that’s my job for you,” you shrugged.
 “So you were going to use this time to unwind, huh?” he said sheepishly. You could see the guilt he felt sores across his features. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
 “It’s okay, De. I should probably try to get out more anyways. Sitting at home alone isn’t going to do me any good,” you breathed out.
 “I mean, you’re not entirely wrong. Sometimes alone time is what you need. But in this case, you’re coming out. Not to mention, I own the bar,” he smirked.
 “Yeah yeah,” you tried not to smile.
 You managed to eat your pasta in record time. You figured you’d do the dishes in the morning after your breakfast. You knew Dean had to be there soon, and you didn’t want to leave him or Benny screwed. This was a job for you and you were going to work with professionalism.
 You grabbed something comfortable and presentable to wear to the bar. A pair of dark skinny jeans with a rip in the knee. You pulled on one of your white shirts and threw one of your red flannels over it to keep with the Winchester look. After that, you grabbed your comfortable boots and your bag, heading out the door with Dean by your side.
 Dean opened up your door for you and you slipped inside. There was a part of you that wondered if this was a good idea. After all, he and his brother owned this bar; his family. Last you knew, his family hated you. All but Dean. You didn’t want Sam to walk in and kick you out or worse, yell at you in front of everyone. You didn’t want to ruin their business. This was important to both of them because they started it together. You weren’t going to be the one to come between them. You were simply going to help your friend out and go on your way home. If Dean wanted to join you later, that was fine. But you weren’t supposed to mix business with pleasure.
 Dean parked in his designated spot out the back of the bar. There was a spot for him and a spot for Sam. No one else had access to park back here. You kicked your door open, circling around the car to the front. Dean motioned for you to follow him to the doors around the front of the building.
 The second you walked into the empty bar, you smiled to yourself. This bar wasn’t like any of the bars you had been in and you had been in many of them during your college days. They wanted their place to feel like home in some sense. There was a jukebox in the corner that played only classic rock. Lots of room for people to dance. Enough tables for people to sit. Booths for those who had bigger groups. Couches and chairs set up around the tv. By the actual bar, he had stools set up all around and a tv up on the wall so people could watch from there. He had all his liquor on display and coasters stacked, ready to go. All his glassware was branded with the bar's name, and a cowboy hat. This place was something to be really proud of, that was for certain.
 “Well well, look who it is,” Benny smiled. “I’ll be damned if it isn’t miss Y/N walking in for the first time in forever.”
 “Hi Benny,” you grinned
 “Hiya darlin,” he beamed. “What can I get for you tonight?”
 “I’m working tonight,” you told him, circling around the back of the bar. “Boss needed and extra set of hands.”
 “If you need help with anything, Y/N, just let one of us know. I know you know what you’re doing,” Dean nodded.
 “You’re damn right I do,” you said confidently. You grabbed an apron from the shelf beneath the cash register. You had a notepad, a pen and a cloth in there, ready to get to work. It had been a long time since you had stepped foot behind a bar, but you were sure you were going to snap right back into it pretty quickly. “Let’s do this.”
 It wasn’t long before people flooded into the bar. Some people just getting off work, having a drink to wind down. Others coming in in groups. The three of you worked in a perfect sync with one another. Pouring and mixing drinks the fastest you could get them to the customers in a timely manner. In record time, you had about fifty dollars in tips. The night was just getting started.
 You glanced around the room as soon as the first rush died out. Everyone was distracted in some way. A group of guys watching a game on the couch by the tv. A few women sitting at a table, gossiping about their week and their husbands. Then there was a few loners sitting at the bar, sipping away at a beer or a glass of whiskey. Trying to unwind after the week. You wiped down the counter top.
 “Hey there,” a man greeted you, taking a seat at the counter right in front of you. His smile was wide as he placed his hands on the countertop.
 “What can I get for you?” you asked, taking a deep breath as you tucked your cloth back in your apron.
 “Your phone number for starters,” he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows twice. You wanted to scoff but you were working. You weren’t about to ruin Dean’s business because some guy decided to hit on you. Not to mention, he wasn’t that cute. A man like him would be just like the rest of them. They’d get off and you’d be left finishing yourself off in the shower. You weren’t doing that again.
 “Your drink order, sir?” you corrected him, trying to keep your tone in check.
 “Whiskey neat,” he stated. “And that phone number.”
 “Whiskey it is,” you declared, putting the glass down on the napkin in front of him. You reached for the bottle of whiskey behind you, knowing full well he was staring at your ass. He was treating you like you were easy and that wasn’t okay with you. You weren’t doing that anymore. No more shitty guys.
 “Don’t play hard to get, baby,” he frowned. “I saw you eyeing me the second I walked in here tonight.”
 “Enjoy your drink,” you said, your voice void of all emotions. You walked away from him, taking your cloth once more before heading out to the customers area to begin cleaning up empty glasses and bottles. Dean and Benny were still working behind the counter, serving people. It had slowed down a little more. They still had the odd person come up to them.
 You wiped down every table, gathering all the empties. You snapped back into bartender mode pretty quickly. It was something you had done for years during your college years. Dean ran a really nice bar. Everything was really clean, but you also had a feeling that his brother had something to do with it. You took note of what needed replenishing to bring it out during your next trip. You gathered up what you could, placing it on the bar to move to the back when you had the chance to. You wiped down your last table before heading to the back. You could feel the creepy guy’s eyes on you and that told you to move quicker.
 “Baby c’mere,” he cooed, standing up. Your heart began to pound in your chest. You needed to move quickly.
 “Not interested,” you stated clearly, backing away from him. He was a big guy now that you saw him compared to you. He was tall and had a strong build. His hand made its way down to your ass, tugging you into him against your will. You tried your hardest to shove him off of you, but he barely budged. “Get off of me!”
 “Hey! Hey!” Dean shouted, making his way around the bar. “Hands off of her. Now!”
 “We were just getting to know each other, right baby?” He smirked, tugging you in once more. Hearing him say those words only angered you more.
 You pushed him once more, successfully getting him off of you, but not getting as far as you would have liked. “Get the fuck off of me.”
 Dean stepped between you and the douchebag, getting in his face a little more. You could see it in the way his jaw clenched that he was pissed. When Dean was pissed, no one wanted to be near him.
 “House rules. Respecting others, especially women is the second on that list. Sexual harassment is unacceptable. Get the fuck out of my bar,” he warned him, “I’m not going to ask you again.”
 “Whatever, she’s a cheap piece of ass anyways,” he scoffed, throwing down a bill on the counter before grabbing his jacket, heading to the door.
 “You okay, sweetheart?” Dean asked as he turned to face you. His hand came up to the side of your head.
 “Yeah,” you nodded.
 “You want a drink,” he offered you, smiling softly.
 “No thank you. I’m good,” you smiled before heading around the back of the bar to finish cleaning up. You also knew you’d be safer behind the bar and that was where you wanted to be.
 “You sure, darlin’?” Benny raised his eyebrow. “I can make you a mean drink.”
 “I’m sure. I don’t drink,” you stated, placing the empty bottles in the bin.
 “Since when?” Dean furrowed his brows. “We got drunk together a few months back.”
 “Since whenever,” you shrugged.
 “I feel like there is more behind this then you’re leading on,” Benny side-eyed you with a bit of concern.
 “There is, but we’re dropping this now, okay?” you smiled, heading over to the counter to serve the next customer.
 As you handed the customer their drink, Sam walked into the bar. His hair was a bit of a mess and he looked to be in a bit of a rush. You stiffened a little. After all, Sam had to know all about you now. His mom had to have said something to him. He had always been nice to you, but that was back then. There was a whole other side to you and your family now. Sure, Sam was nice, but he wasn’t going to be happy you were here if he knew anything.
 “Hey,” Dean greeted his brother. “How’d it go?”
 “Good,” he smiled to himself. “Place is picked out and booked. We officially have a date.”
 “Don’t leave me in suspense, Sammy. Wedding date now,” Dean chuckled, wiping down a glass.
 “September 15th,” he grinned widely, reaching his hand up to the back of his head.
 “I’ll save the date,” he nodded with a big smile. “Congratulations, little brother!”
 “Thanks, De,” he shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal.
 You stood behind the bar awkwardly, not knowing if you should say something, or go do something else. You didn’t want to be in the way of him. This was his business too. You pulled your cloth back out, and decided to head back out to the floor to wipe down the tables again.  
 “Dean, what is she doing here?” you heard Sam say.
 “She’s helping us out because I asked her to,” Dean stated.
 “Dean, you know-”
 “Sam-”
 “No Dean, if mom or dad was to walk in right now, you’d be in so much shit,” he stated. That was your queue. You weren’t welcomed and you weren’t going to ruin a family business. You had no idea why you even agreed to in the first place. Mary told you that you were never going to be good enough for her family. Why did you think you’d be good enough to work at her son’s bar?
 “Sorry,” you breathed out, as you untied your apron. “I’m- I’m gonna go, Dean. I don’t want to ruin your business or your relationship with your family. You don’t have to pay me for tonight.”
 “Y/N, wait,” Dean called out as you began to walk away.
 “Dean, it’s cool,” you nodded, assuring him it was.
 “No, it’s not cool, Y/N. I invited you here tonight,” Dean declared, walking over to you. “My mom and dad don’t own this bar. Sammy and I do. I’ll tell you again. I don’t care who your mom is or was to my parents. I care about you and who you are to me. If Sammy has a problem with it, then he can stow it for tonight. You are welcome in this bar.” His hands made their way to your arms, holding you in place.
 “Dean, I’m not worth the trouble, okay?” you smiled weakly, pulling the few bills out of your pocket, handing them to him. “This is yours.”
 “No, they are yours. You earned them tonight. All tips are yours,” he stated.
 “Y/N, please stay,” Sam called out.
 “Please, sweetheart,” Dean pleaded, holding his hand out for you to take. “You’re off the clock. Just hang out with us for a little while. You said you needed to get out more.”
 “You want a drink Y/N?” Sam offered, grabbing a clean glass from beneath the counter.
 “Okay,” you nodded. “Water would be great.”
 “W-water?” Sam furrowed his brows.
 “She doesn’t drink,” Benny added in.
 “Ah, okay,” Sam nodded.
 You walked around the bar, taking a seat on the stool behind the bar. Sam placed a glass of water with a few ice cubes on the counter in front of you, giving you a soft smile. You knew he was trying to keep a smile on his face to keep you around for the night. It was forced at best.
 “So, no guy in your life right now, Y/N?” Benny questioned you. “You usually have someone-”
 “Nope, I don’t. Not right now,” you smiled at him, bringing your water up to your lips. Great, even Benny knew you got around, you thought to yourself.
 “You want someone? ‘Cause you know, I’m single and you’re-”
 “Benny, knock it off,” Dean warned him. “She doesn’t need another guy hitting on her tonight. House rules.”
 “What? ‘M I not good enough for you,” he teased playfully before serving the next customer.
 “You’re not my type,” you giggled. “My track record states that I only go for dicks. You’re a nice guy.”
 “So Y/N, I gotta ask,” Sam started, taking another stool, sitting close by. “I know you grew up with your mom-”
 “Sam,” Dean called out, his voice laced with a bit of anger.
 “It’s okay Dean,” you assured him.
 “Was it just you and your mom or was your dad ever around?” he questioned. You knew he was curious, and he didn’t seem to want to cause any harm to you. It was a simple question. Nothing you hadn’t been asked a hundred times before.
 “No. It was just me and my mom. I never knew my dad, in fact, I’ve never met him or know his name for that matter. My mom always told me he didn’t want anything to do with me and that was why he wasn’t around. He didn’t want me and that’s why it was the two of us. I have no idea who my dad is, or if he’s even alive at this point. I never knew anything about him,” you shared with him.
 “Were you ever curious?” Dean added in, stepping closer to you and Sam.
 “Yeah, of course I was. I grew up without a dad. The kids at school were terrible to me because I didn’t have one,” you began. “I mean, look at me now. I’m a mess ninety five percent of the time. I just wish my mom would’ve been straight with me. But at the same time, my mom slept around a lot. She had a new boyfriend every month. I doubt she even knew who my dad was.”
 “Do you think she was hiding it from you?” Sam brought up.
 “In some ways, yeah. I asked her when I was eighteen, before I left for college and she said there was no point. My dad was probably dead.”
 “If you ever wanted to find out more, Y/N, I’m sure I could do a little digging for you,” Sam offered you. It was a kind gesture but it wasn’t worth it.
 “I’m not worth that kind of trouble, Sam. I don’t want to cause any more issues with your family than I already have.”
 “Your mom’s issues weren’t your fault, sweetheart,” Dean reminded you.
 “Dean’s right, Y/N. What your mom did in the past has nothing to do with you. It bugs the hell out of my mom because you look like her. It’s still wrong that she treated you the way she did. You’re nothing like your mom,” Sam said with a sad smile. It was really nice to hear those words coming from Sam. Especially now that you were here. You didn’t want him to hate you like his family did.
 “Okay,” you breathed out. “I’m giving you the okay to take a look. It can’t hurt to find out my family history. And I’m curious as to what my mom hid from me all my life. But I don’t want to make any contact if we find out who it is.” In reality, it was probably good to find out in case you had a family history of cancer or something like that. It was too late now to ever have a father daughter relationship like you dreamed about when you were ten.
 “Deal. You are always welcome to change your mind later on, okay?”
 “Thank you,” you smiled softly at him. “Means a lot to me that you want to do this.”
 “Well well, look who decided to show up for work,” Dean greeted the two people as they walked in.
 “I thought you were short tonight, De?” you furrowed your brows.
 “Chuck and Cas work later so we can go home at a decent hour,” he told you. Both of them walked behind the bar, settling their stuff underneath the cash.
 “Hey,” a man with curly-ish hair greeted you. “I’m Chuck.”
 “Y/N,” you waved at him.
 “So uh, how you doin’?” he wiggled his eyebrows.
 “Chuck,” Dean warned him, shaking his head.
 “Oh shit, sorry. Is she your-”
 “No she’s not my girlfriend. She’s my best friend,” he stated, earning a chuckle from both you and Sam. Dean was very protective over you, and you actually kind of liked that he was.
 “Oh god, that’s worse,” he breathed out sheepishly. “It was very nice to meet you, Y/N.”
 “You ready to head out, Y/N?” Dean offered with a smile.
 “God, yes please!” you beamed, hopping off your stool.
 “I’ll grab your number from Dean,” Sam nodded, giving you a wink. Dean grabbed his jacket as you circled around the bar for the last time. You couldn’t wait to go home and change into your pyjamas. You couldn’t wait to be in the privacy of your apartment so you could finally unwind for the night.
 Dean followed behind you as you lead the way to the impala. It was just after eleven when you looked at the clock in the impala as Dean started her up. It was a long night, and some parts of it sucked, but for the most part, you were glad you did it with Dean there. His friends were also nice people to be around so that certainly helped.
 “You did good tonight,” he smiled at you as he turned out of the parking lot.
 “What can I say, I’m an ex bartender,” you chuckled. “Thanks for asking me to come out tonight.”
 “You’re welcome,” he nodded.
 “If you’re up for it, you wanna hang out at my place for a bit?” you asked him. “Only if you want to.”
 “Yeah, I’d love to,” he agreed.
 It was almost eleven thirty by the time you arrived at your front door with the keys in your hand. Dean stood right behind you, keeping a close distance. You figured after that creepy guy at the bar tonight, he was keeping you close in case something was to happen. You really did enjoy how protective he was of you. He had been ever since that day the two of you made up. It was nice to have someone want to keep you safe from harms way.
 You threw your keys on the counter as soon as you walked in. Dean locked the door behind him and kicked off his shoes on the front mat. You leaped onto the couch, flopping down on your back, earning a laugh from your best friend.
 “Long night, huh?” he said as he sat down next to you.
 “Very! I love being hit on by creepy guys. It’s my favourite,” you joked, moving up to a sitting position to give him more room on the couch. Your couch was big enough for two people to sleep on, but Dean just had to sit close to you.
 “You used to enjoy guys like that,” he teased you.
 “Eh, I wouldn’t say I enjoyed them. I prefer guys with a little more respect. Not guys that grope my ass in a crowded bar while I’m working,” you breathed out. “I don’t know. Lately I haven’t been interested.”
 “In what?” he cocked his head to the side, looking over at you.
 “Dating. Men in general,” you shrugged, leaning against the arm of the couch. “Too much to focus on and I’m a mess most days.”
 “Not even sex for you?” he questioned.
 “Eh,” you smirked. “I’ve got my own ways of handling things in that department. It’s not like any of the guys I slept with before knew what they were doing. I’m just not wasting my time.”
 “Good,” he grinned. “You deserve better than that.”
 “What about you, Winchester? You’re nearly as bad as I am for taking random people home,” you pointed out.
 “Not as of recently,” he confessed, looking down at his hands. “Part of it is how busy I’ve been. No one has really caught my eye. Everyone these days are dating, and settling down. After Cassie, I don’t really want to date right now. Especially since she left things open for when she gets back.”
 “I don’t blame you,” you nodded. “Would you get back together with her if she were to show up at your door right now?”
 “Deep question there, sweetheart,” he chuckled. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard from her since we broke up. Not even an email. If she were to knock on my door, I don’t think I could just settle back in like nothing happened.”
 “That’s understandable,” you nodded. “At least you’ve moved on a little. We slept together.”
 “You’re the last person I slept with,” he admitted.
 “You’re my last too,” you nodded. “We’re doing awesome. Although, I certainly can’t complain. You were damn good. You kept up your end of the bargain beautifully.”
 “Well, technically I owe you one for tonight,” he joked with a smirk. “I know how to drive a good bargain.”
 “I’m down if you are,” you wiggled your eyebrows with a soft smile.
 “Actually?” he cocked his eyebrow.
 “What’s the harm?” you shrugged. “Not like we haven’t before.”
 “I’m definitely in if you are,” he nodded. “No pressure at all. Only if you want to.”
 “You’re too nice to me, you know that?” you smiled at him as you moved over. You threw your leg over his legs, settling down over his lap. His hands instantly reached for your waist as his eyes went wide.
 “I wouldn’t say nice,” he breathed out. “I just care ‘bout you is all.”
 “Well, thank you. I really appreciate that you care,” you smiled. “I care ‘bout you too.”
 “Alright, this is getting too chick flicky for my liking,” he stated, leaning forward. He captured your lips with his in a soft, heated kiss that had you instantly craving more. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders tugging yourself closer to him as your tongue slipped over his bottom lip.
 His hands reached beneath your flannel, pushing the material over your shoulders in record time. You had a feeling this was going to happen fast. It was late after all, and you both had been working since nine this morning. It was going to be a quickie at best and that was more than okay with you. A quick fix to make you both feel good and that would be enough to put you to sleep right away.
 “You’re sure about this?” Dean asked you, pulling away a little.
 “Yes, more than sure,” you breathed out, pushing his flannel over his shoulders. “No foreplay this time.”
 “Got it,” he nodded. “Just a quickie?”
 “Quickie then bed,” you smile at him.
 “Roger that,” he agreed, tugging the hem of your shirt up your body, throwing it to the floor. You did the exact same to his, tearing it off of him as quickly as you could. He bucked his hips up to yours, and you could feel the bulge of him already. The thought of having him once more sent heat pooling in your core.
 You climbed off of his lap, toying with the button on your jeans before shoving them down your legs along with your panties. Dean unbuckled his belt, making quick work of removing his jeans and boxers, pushing them down his legs. His hard cock standing proud between his legs. Fuck, was he perfect.
 “Condom?” you asked him.
 “Wallet,” he nodded, reaching down to his jeans, pulling out the leather pouch. He opened it up, taking the foil packet from his wallet. You stepped forward, straddling him as he opened the packet with his teeth, taking the rubber out. You watched as he took his cock in his hand, rolling the condom down over himself. You reached behind your back, removing the final article of clothing from your body to reveal yourself to him once more.
 “You’re beautiful, you know that?” he smiled softly at you.
 “Dean,” you grinned, shaking your head.
 “You are,” he shrugged. “I like that I’m the one you went home with tonight after all the guys that hit on you.”
 “Thank you,” you half smiled. “You’re sexy as hell.”
 “Hell doesn’t sound all that sexy,” he teased you.
 “Shut up, Winchester,” you giggled. “Do you want me to fuck you or not?”
 “Please,” he chuckled.
 “Then ask me nicely,” you played, wanting to test him just a little.
 “Y/N, will you please let me put my dick inside you?” he let out a laugh, not able to keep a straight face through the entire sentence, making you laugh along with him.
 “I can’t believe you actually asked,” you cackled.
 “Shut up,” he shook his head, trying not to laugh more than he already had. “The things I do for you.”
 “Hey, the way to a girl’s heart is through humor, Winchester,” you pointed out.
 “Yeah yeah,” he scoffed. “Alright, I’m going to touch you now. Make sure you’re ready for me.”
 “By all means,” you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth. His right hand came down between your legs, his middle finger brushing through your folds to see if you were ready enough for him. You knew you were more than ready to take him. The mere sight of him had you ready to go. The kissing certainly helped you get there too. He was a damn good kisser.
 “Fuck, sweetheart,” he whispered. “You’re sure?”
 “Yes,” you nodded. “You’re sure?”
 “I am,” he agreed. “Whenever you’re ready.”
 You balanced yourself on his shoulders, moving up his body to get ready. You reached one of your hands down, taking his cock before lining it up with your entrance. Your eyes met with his as you positioned the tip in place. He nodded his head, not daring to break the eye contact you held. You let yourself sync down on him, slow and steady. His eyes fluttered shut as you surrounded him in your heat.
 “Fuck, Y/N,” he breathed out as he bottomed out inside you. You could feel him twitching a little as your walls grew accustomed to him. He finally opened his eyes, meeting yours as a smile played on his lips. He slipped his hands around your back, ready to help you move on him.
 “You feel amazing, De,” you told him, leaning forward, pressing your forehead to his.
 You made yourself more comfortable before beginning to move on him. He repositioned himself beneath you, making it easier for you to ride him, and for him to meet you halfway. As you sank down on him, he thrusted upwards. His grip was tight on you, keeping you close to him. He felt amazing inside of you. Hell, almost better than he did the first time. From this angle, his cock brushed over all the sensitive spots, getting you there a little bit faster than you were expecting him to.
 His lips trailed on your neck, making your fingers curl in his shoulders. Your walls fluttered around him at the sensation. You brought your hand up to his hair, carding through his soft locks as you continued to bounce on him.
 “Shit Dean,” you cried out.
 “Feels so good,” he muttered, pulling away from your neck. “So close.”
 “Faster,” you urged him on.
 His hands slipped down to your ass, pulling you closer to him. He shifted quickly, your back hitting the couch as he fit between your legs. He snapped his hips against yours, picking up the pace to get you both there. One of his hands reached between your bodies, toying with your clit to heighten your pleasure.
 “Dean, Dean, Dean,” you moaned. Your grip tightened around his shoulders, desperate to grab onto something to keep you grounded. You were panting profusely. You felt the tightness growing in your abdomen. You were so damn close.
 “Come for me, sweetheart,” he urged you on. “Let me feel you.”
 Your walls came crashing down around him as you let out a wanton moan. Your eyes fluttered shut as you threw your head back, letting the pleasure course it’s way through your body. Your fingers curled into his back, trying to hold onto something to keep you from floating away. Your vision went white and your body began to shake just enough for you to notice.
 “Atta girl,” he encouraged you as he bucked his hips into yours. You knew he was damn close to the edge. He just needed that final push.
 “Feels so good, De,” you whispered, trailing your shaky hand up into his hair. “Come for me, Dean.”
 “Shit-” he growled, picking up his pace just a little more. He gave three hard thrusts before his cock twitched. His seed filling the condom before he collapsed on top of you, letting out a breath.
 Your hand carded through his hair, playing with his soft locks as you both came down from your highs. You turned your head, looking at the time on the clock above your tv. It was just after twelve fifteen. You knew you had to get up and get ready for bed.  
 “I just realized we did that with the curtains open,” you giggled, glancing over at the big open window.
 “Well shit,” he let out a laugh. “I hope they enjoyed the show.”
 “We should get up,” you told him. “Get ready for bed.”
 “Yeah,” he breathed out, shifting himself up. He reached down, grabbing the base of his cock to remove himself with care.
 You were the first one off the couch, leaving your clothes on the floor. You headed into your bedroom, going straight to the bathroom. Dean wasn’t far behind you, throwing the used condom into the trash in your bathroom.
 “Uh, you’re welcome to stay if you want to,” you offered him. “Or you can go, whichever you want to do.”
 “Whichever you’re more comfortable with. I don’t want to overstep,” he stated, taking a step back.
 “We literally just had sex,” you reminded him. “I don’t know what would even be considered overstepping at this point.”
 “True,” he chuckled.
 “Well, if you’d like to stay, there is an extra toothbrush in my drawer and boxers in the top drawer in my bedroom,” you told him with a soft smile. “I’m going to shower to get the smell of sex and alcohol off of me. If you want to do the same, you know where the towels are.”
 “Alright,” he nodded, turning towards the shower. You watched as he turned the nozzle, setting it on hot. “You shower first and I’ll clean up out there.
 Dean was out of the bathroom, giving you a bit of privacy. You shut the door a little, giving yourself the comfort of being alone to do what you needed to do. You went to the bathroom before slipping into the shower.
 The water was the perfect temperature for you to clean yourself up. You were just going to have a quick shower to wash your body. You could wash your hair in the morning. You just wanted to feel clean. You had the feeling Dean was staying with you tonight, and you weren’t against it persay. You didn’t want him getting the wrong idea. You weren’t looking for a relationship. You hoped it was just sex for him. That you could handle with ease. You didn’t want to do the whole ‘feelings’ thing. Not with your best friend. Sleepovers were normal for friends. Two friends could have sex without it being weird. There was nothing wrong with casual sex.
 You washed your body quickly. You could feel yourself getting more and more tired the more you stood under the stream. You just wanted to get out, brush your teeth and head to bed. Nothing more.
 The water shut off and you stepped out onto the mat you had set out. You wrapped your towel around yourself, making sure it was tight. The mirror was all steamy, and you could barely see. Not that it was going to stop you from brushing your teeth.
 “Dean, you’re good,” you called out, reaching for your toothbrush. The bathroom door opened, revealing Dean in his boxers and nothing else. He was quiet as he went about, gathering what he needed to shower. You tried your hardest to keep your eyes off of him while he moved around.
 He hopped in the shower as soon as you finished brushing your teeth. The mirror was just starting to clear when you turned away, giving Dean the privacy he deserved. You noticed as soon as you were in your bedroom that Dean had thrown your clothes in the laundry hamper. His clothes were set on the chair in the corner of your room, folded nicely.
 You grabbed the first pair of panties from your drawer, and an oversized shirt to wear to bed. You could feel yourself starting to overthink this. You didn’t want anything to change between you and Dean. You didn’t see him as anything other than your best friend. You didn’t want to date him. You didn’t want a boyfriend or a serious relationship for that matter. You didn’t want him to get the wrong impression.
 You got dressed quickly, throwing the comforter back, slipping beneath the sheets. You heard the water turn off, which meant it was only a matter of time before he was joining you in bed. You lay on your back, adjusting the covers over your chest.
 Dean emerged from the bathroom in a pair of clean boxers, shutting the light out. He circled around the bed, following the same steps. He joined you in the bed, resting on his back, looking up at the ceiling.
 “You tired?” he asked you.
 “Now that the lights are out, not really,” you chuckled. “You?”
 “No not really,” he let out a laugh. “That was fun.”
 “It was. And I’m not usually for being on top,” you admitted with a half smile.
 “Why this time?” he questioned, turning his head to look your direction.
 “I don’t know. I guess I feel a little more comfortable around you. I’m not as nervous about some things, like the way I look for example,” you confessed.
 “You’re beautiful,” he said with a laugh. “Hell, I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”
 “What, like that?”
 “That. And sex in general,” he shrugged. “I’ve got what is probably not a good idea. But you said that you’re not looking to date anyone. I’m not ready to date anyone. We’re best friends and speaking from previous experiences one and two, sex is great between us. You’re comfortable with me, and I’m comfortable with you. Why don’t we continue sleeping together? You know, get each other off, try some new things?”
 “Like a friends with benefits kind of thing?” you inquired, furrowing your brows.
 “Yeah I guess so,” he breathed out.
 “How is that going to work, Dean?” you turned to face him. “It literally never works. There are too many rules, and someone always gets hurt in the end.”
 “Not if we don’t let it,” he reminded you.
 “Fair point. If we’re going this, and that’s a big if, Dean. I don’t want stupid rules and shit, okay? Friends who have sex, try new things; whatever. Nothing about our friendship changes,” you declared.
 “Done deal. I can agree to those terms,” he nodded.
 “Good. I’m all for sex, but as soon as something goes sideways, of gets complicated, I’m out, okay?” you breathed out.
 “More than okay,” he smiled at you. “Now, are you going to deny me after sex cuddling?”
 “We had sex like half an hour ago,” you scoffed playfully.
 “Friends are allowed to cuddle, you know,” he reminded you. “It’s not going to hurt you.”
 “Fine,” you shook your head. “You’re big spoon though.”
 “Turn around then,” he smirked.
 You turned over, trying to make yourself comfortable on your side of the bed. Dean slipped his arm around your middle, his chest pressing against your back. You let yourself melt into him, feeling safe in his hold. You knew for a fact that he was going to keep the nightmares away tonight.  
 Maybe after sex cuddling wasn’t so bad after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 5 coming Tuesday!
Did you like it? What was your favourite part? Any theories? Please share your thoughts with me via reblog, reply or send me an ask! Nothing is stupid! I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! Your response is the ONLY thing keeping me sharing this story!
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keanureevesisbae · 3 years
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Coach Cavill - Chapter 9
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Summary: Before they go to the autumn market, Amelia, Benji, Isabella and Henry have to talk about what happened the day before.
Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)
Wordcount: 6.3k
Warnings: None
Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter
I wake up before the kids do, as I usually do. I mean, maybe it’s a habit that I adopted back in Korea, because in the first fifteen years of my life, I wasn’t able to function properly before ten in the morning. However, during my trainee days and when I was still in Forever Hope, that meant starting the day at six in the morning. You had to eat breakfast, get ready for the day, dance practice, singing lessons, improving my Korean, going to the gym. By the time I moved back, my biological alarm goes off at six a.m. and I always get up then, since I can’t help but to get up early.
This habit comes in very handy, as I’m a mother now.
I take a quick shower, get myself ready for the day and I catch myself putting in extra effort for my appearance. I put on a little blush, put on some light lipstick and I spend a lot of time on my hair. I descend downstairs, where I make myself a cup of tea, before I plop on the coach. I think I only got one hour of sleep at the end of the night, because I kept worrying. Worrying about what this might to do Benji and Isabella. How the dynamics will change between them and their father.
Oh no, I haven’t even thought about how this will go over in town. I remember when the people in Luna Meadows got ear of what happened between Dean, me and how Mindy Simpleton was involved. However, that barely had anything to do with the kids. To some extent, of course it had something to do with the kids, but it was mostly about me and Dean. This however, is between Dean, Mindy and my kids.
Tears burn in my eyes, the same tears I have been holding every single time I looked over at my kids while they were asleep. Why does everything has to be so complicated? Why did I have to get divorced in this manner? It’s not that I have anything against divorce, but I just wished that it was one where Dean and I just fell out of love, but we still had the kids best interest in mind. That we would work together, just like we did when we were still together.
But that is not the case, not at all.
My phone rings, indicating I have received a message and I look at the screen. My heart starts to race, my hands all of the sudden get really clammy. Henry is already texting me? It’s only seven in the morning…
Henry: I hope I’m not waking you up, but I was wondering what time the Jungs would like their breakfast? 🤗
I let out a small chuckle, as the tears of either sadness or happiness—I don’t know at this point—run over my cheeks again. The fact that he uses an adorable emoji, one that is my favorite too… I don’t even know how this makes me feel.
Amelia: I’m up already, so whenever you want.
Henry: The place opens up at seven thirty. I can come right after I picked it up?
Amelia: Sounds good.
Henry: Want some cappuccino with that as well?
Amelia: You know me too well
Henry: I’ll bring you a cappuccino and I think Benji could use some coffee. How about I also bring some smoothies with me for whoever wants to?
Amelia: Just make sure the smoothie doesn’t have pineapple in it. Isabella is allergic to that.
Henry: Noted
Amelia: Please bring the receipt, so I can pay you back
Henry: You can pay me back with your presence, Amelia. That’s good enough.
Henry: I mean that
I lean back on the sofa, as I let out a deep sigh. Time slowly passes, as I continue to sulk over this. When I just started dating Dean, I never thought about having kids and neither did Dean. When I missed my period, Dean actually went to the store, to buy me some tests. They were all positive and despite being terrified, we both were also over the moon. It felt complete and I was so happy, just like Dean. We were going to be parents and he promised me that he would be there every step of the way.
As I told Henry on our date, I had to recover quite a few years after I had Benji, before I even dared to have another child. I wanted two kids, wanted that my firstborn had a companion, someone that no matter what happened to Dean and I, was there for them. But after two kids, I knew that it was enough for me. I have no desire to expand my family and I thought that even after the divorce, he would keep his promise to me: no more kids for us.
But Dean is doing what he promised me we wouldn’t do. I know that it’s unfair to want him to keep his promise…
I remember his face when Isabella was born. He missed the birth, being unable to get out of his meeting in time. It was rough, it was painful and unexpected and I so wished he was there with me. But he looked so happy, as he was holding Isabella in his arm, sitting down next to me on the hospital bed. ‘I’m so sorry that I wasn’t here,’ he whispered. ‘But thank you for this beautiful human being.’
I leaned against his shoulder, nuzzling my face in his shoulder. ‘I don’t think we should have more kids,’ I told him. ‘Unless you want me dead.’ I couldn’t believe that Eve tried to tell me that the second time giving birth would be easier and worse: that I blindly believed her. ‘Two is enough, don’t you think?’
He softly chuckled, visibly scared to wake her up. ‘I do think that two is enough. I love you, princess,’ he told me, kissing my temple. ‘I’ll forever do that.’
What a fucking liar.
The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts. I quickly jump up and rush to the door. When I open it, I see Henry with some bags in his hand, Kal—who is excitingly wagging his tail—standing right next to him. ‘Good morning,’ he says with a smile. ‘Kal and I come bearing gifts in the form of breakfast.’
I want to say something, want to be polite or funny or at least grateful, but I can’t seem to find the words.
Except tears.
‘Oh, no,’ Henry says, placing the bags on the porch. ‘Come here.’ He holds out his strong and protective arms and I don’t even think a second letting myself being engulfed in his arms. ‘You look exhausted,’ he notes.
‘I am,’ I mumble. ‘I don’t think I have slept more than an hour last night.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispers. ‘Let’s get breakfast settled, okay? You drink the cappuccino while Kal keeps you company. I can make myself at home and set the table. How about that?’
‘I don’t want you to think that I only invited you so you can serve as my butler or anything.’
He holds onto my shoulders, so he can look me into my eyes and says: ‘I know that is not your intention and nor is that the case here.’
‘Thanks once again,’ I say, placing my hands on his. ‘You’re amazing.’
‘Not a single problem.’
He grabs the bags, before I step to the side to let him and Kal in. We walk to the kitchen and he hands me my cappuccino. This is exactly what I need. I lean against the kitchen island, as Kal presses his cold wet nose against my hand, urging me to pet him. ‘Henry,’ I say, to gain his attention. ‘I’m sorry about yesterday.’
‘Don’t,’ he says, in a tone a lot sterner than I have ever heard him use before and Amelia, I swear, don’t let your mind wander. ‘Don’t you dare feel sorry about it, not even for a second.’
I’m not listening. ‘I’m not just apologizing for last night’s events,’ I say. ‘I’m especially apologizing for that kiss. I shouldn’t have done that.’
‘Why not?’ Henry asks, placing the smoothies on the table, checking the labels again.
I shrug, but he isn’t looking at me, so I add: ‘I don’t know, felt… Wrong. Weird. Too much too soon.’
‘Well, if this eases your mind: I don’t think it felt wrong, weird or too much too soon.’ Henry smiles, causing my stomach to twist in a way that I forgot that was pleasant and I smile back at him. When was the last time I felt like this? ‘And besides, I didn’t mind it one single second.’
Maybe it’s a good thing I hear two sets of footsteps storming down the stairs, so I don’t have to think about an answer for this. ‘Coach!’ Isabella yells, before rushing up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he crouched down for her. ‘You’re here! For what?’
‘I brought breakfast,’ he says to her. ‘I have four smoothies and you can pick the first one, how about that?’
She smiles brightly. ‘Really?’
‘Really,’ Henry confirms.
She looks over at me with a hopeful and happy smile on her face. It’s such a change from yesterday. ‘Mom, I get to pick the first smoothie.’
‘Make the choice worth while,’ I say with a smile.
Isabella’s eyes fall on Kal. She jumps a little, as Kal trots over to her, pressing his cold nose against her cheek, causing her to squeal.
Benji carefully approaches. ‘Hi coach,’ he says.
‘Hi Benji, slept well?’
‘I did,’ he answers. ‘Thank you.’ He stands next to me, lets out a long sigh and then says: ‘Good morning, mom.’
‘Good morning honey. I’m glad to hear you slept well.’
He nods. ‘Did you?’ My silence must be his answer. ‘I’m sorry. I think Isabella and I both forgot how this situation must be tough for you too.’
Henry looks over his shoulder, as one corner of his mouth curls up as he looks over at us. I sometimes wonder what I did in life to have two amazing kids, who are very considerate towards me and others for that matter.
‘Don’t you worry about me,’ I tell Benji. ‘I’m all okay. Go help set the table.’
He holds my hand for a brief second, giving it a squeeze, before walking over to his coach to help. My phone beeps, only to tell me that Dean send me a text.
Dean: You up?
Amelia: We don’t want to talk to you yet. If we did, I’d text you, remember?
Dean: I want to talk.
Amelia: Please, just read my previous message and for once think about your kids first, instead of yourself.
Sometimes it stuns me that I was married to him. Was he always this selfish and nearly childlike or did that change the moment he exchanged me for a younger model?
Who he got pregnant. Oh my, I still can’t believe that.
‘Mom, you can pick your smoothie now. I chose the orange with tangerine juice. Benji chose the one with banana, oranges and coconut milk. There is a banana mango one and a strawberry raspberry one left,’ Isabella says, dragging me out of this virtual conversation.
‘Banana mango, sweetie,’ I say, as I walk over to the table, to sit next to her. I look over to Benji and Henry, as they sit across from us. Henry thanks Isabella as she hands him the smoothie that is left and I let out a deep sigh. ‘Okay, we have to talk about the elephant in the room.’
‘We know,’ Benji says, though he looks like he’d rather be somewhere else. I mean, you and me both, kid. If I could, I’d skip this conversation, but if there is one thing motherhood taught me, it’s that the most painful conversations, the ones that deprive you from any sleep, are the ones that are very very important. ‘If there is something that you only want to tell me, maybe only to each other or only to Henry, you can just say so. I won’t judge and neither will anyone else at this table. Is that clear?’
‘Yes mom,’ the two of them say.
I nod. ‘Yesterday it became pretty obvious that you weren’t happy about Mindy’s pregnancy. How did they tell you about this?’
If there is something I have learned over the course of this divorce and trying to make this co-parenting work, is to always ask about the entire situation, so I know all about the wrong things their dad said, so I can make it up to them as we go.
Benji clenches his jaw, as he looks away from us. Isabella looks at me and decides to speak up. ‘We were sitting at the table in the kitchen. Mindy made us cupcakes and it had the text: ‘Congrats big brother’ for Benji on it and ‘Congrats big sister’ for me on it,’ she says. ‘Benji asked if it was a joke and then dad told us it was not and we should be happy about it.’ She looks at her big brother, before she says: ‘That was when Benji got pretty mad.’
Benji scoffs. ‘Well, he can’t fucking force me to be happy, right?’
‘Language,’ I say. Maybe Kal senses that he needs the most support right this moment, because the big dog struts over to Benji, placing his head against his arm. ‘But you are right,’ I say. ‘People can’t force you to feel a certain way. What happened after that?’
‘Well,’ Isabella continues, ‘Benji went upstairs to grab his stuff and came back with mine as well. He told dad that we were going home, that we had to think about this. That’s when dad got very angry. He told us that we should stay here and celebrate this. I told him that I wasn’t feeling very festive. He then said to me that I had to suck it up and fake it.’
When I was still together with Dean, he wasn’t the most well equipped dad, with the greatest parental decisions. I mean, he was a well loved English teacher in high school and to some extent, he is actually good with kids, but only for a certain amount of time (read: a maximum of three hours spread over multiple days). Naturally, he isn’t a good father. But when we were raising Benji and Isabella, he was willing to listen to me, to at least try his best to make the right decision. Though I sometimes wondered what on earth was going through his mind from time to time, I saw that he tried and I loved him for that. He admitted multiple times that he wasn’t naturally a good parent, not in the way I was, but that he was willing to learn from me. It was rough, but it was also doable, since we worked as a team.
The second he moved out of this place to move in with Mindy, it seemed like every parenting tip I had ever given him over the course of fourteen years, was thrown right out of the window.
‘Right,’ I mumble, thinking about Dean’s “fake it” tip. I gave the kids that tip once, when they had to go to parties thrown by kids they both didn’t like. Then it was useful, now it feels depriving our kids from having their own emotions. ‘Okay, then what?’
Isabella looks up at me, taking a sip of her smoothie. ‘Then I said I wanted to go home with Benji, but dad told me that it was too late for me to go home. Benji told him that if I wanted to go home, he was going to take me home, no matter what time it was. He grabbed our things and we went home.’
‘But he followed us in his car, continuing to say how we broke Mindy’s feelings and while that wasn’t my intention,’ Benji continues, ‘I was just mad, because he ruined everything.’
‘What did he exactly ruin?’ I ask him, though I think I might know where he is going.
‘Our family.’ He stares at the muffin in front of him, as I see tears form in his eyes. Henry gently places his hand in the back of Benji’s neck, almost as an encouragement for him to continue talking, but also for letting him know that he is not alone. That we are all here for him. ‘He ruined us. He betrayed you, mom,’ Benji says, his voice breaking in the process, something that on my end breaks my heart. ‘Now… He is betraying us, because he is not a good enough dad for me or for Isabella. How is he going to love another kid, when he doesn’t even love us? What if he loves them more than he loves us? What if that kid is better than us?’
No ‘recently divorced’-blog prepared me for this, at least not the ones that I have been reading. Fuck, how do I respond to this? I mean, his worries are obvious and valid, but as his mom, there is something that I can say that will help him in understanding and dealing with this situation. I clear my throat, as I look over to Henry. He bites his lip, as he seems to be at a loss for words as well. I really have to figure this one out all by myself. I wished Johnny and Eve were here as well. Or even my parents for that matter.
‘He did ruin our family,’ I eventually say. ‘He did betray me and I don’t understand why he is starting a new family, when he indeed has shown that he wasn’t the greatest dad to either of you.’
‘You are going to say but, aren’t you?’ Benji asks.
I look at my smoothie. ‘Maybe,’ I say. I take a sip of my smoothie and say: ‘I will let you decide what the two of you are going to do with this. But I’m going to tell you something that you have to keep in mind, okay?’
The two of them look at me, both with a nearly identical frown, a trait they inherited from their dad. ‘Okay.’
‘This is going to be a very happy time for Mindy.’
‘How do you know?’ Isabella asks. ‘You weren’t even there.’
‘True, but I have been pregnant two times. Knowing that I was expecting you two, were the two best moments of my life. Mindy will have a kid of her own and that is very exciting. Being a first time mom, or a second time mom, third time, whatever, for most people it’s wonderful. Hearing that she went out of her way to tell you guys, means she is very happy.’
Benji frowns and Isabella doesn’t seem too sure of what I’m trying to do here. I don’t really know how to continue this, if I’m being totally honest.
‘What your mom is trying to say,’ Henry decides to butt in and I’m so thankful for that, ‘is that you don’t have to go your dad anymore, but that you can send a card for example, to wish Mindy well. You can write that in a card, with something for their new baby.’
‘Why would we do that?’ Isabella asks.
‘Because that is the mature thing to do,’ I explain to them. ‘I mean, there are a million things I would rather do, but I am mature and will not do that.’
Benji sighs. ‘But if we do that, we don’t have to go anymore?’
‘Well, you don’t have to go in the first place,’ I say, ‘but if you do this, there isn’t any reason for your dad to be angry at you. He probably will be, but we didn’t hand it to him on a silver platter.’
Isabella nods. ‘We can buy something for the baby,’ she says. ‘And we can write a card. Maybe you two can help us.’ She points to me and Henry. ‘You are actual adults, so you probably know what to say.’
‘Henry can help us with that,’ I say. ‘He was born in England and he might be a little bit more polite than I am.’
Benji chuckles. ‘Because you might be very mature about this, but you actually want to tell them that this is a bad idea?’
I let out a laugh, but I also have to hold in my tears, because… That is exactly what I want to do. While I’m not the biggest fan of Mindy at the moment (or ever will be for that matter), she is a young woman and from the looks of it, she is not very happy in the life that she rolled into from the last few times I saw her, so… This is a bad idea, for both parties involved.
But I’m not interfering with other people’s love life, especially not in theirs, since it is not my place to do that.
‘Is there anything else that you want to tell me?’ I ask.
‘Well,’ Benji says, ‘just one thing, to all of you: I’m sorry for yesterday. I know that I scared Isabella, I know that I broke some things here and I know that I hit coach.’
‘It’s all good, kid,’ Henry says. ‘Don’t you worry about it.’
‘You know I don’t care about those types of things,’ I say to him. ‘As long as no one is injured, we’re all good.’
Benji looks at his sister, who blinks her eyes. I can already tell that for dramatical sake, she keeps quiet. ‘Well,’ she says, looking at her smoothie, ‘you did scare me a little bit.’ Isabella, honey, for your brother’s sake, don’t drag this out… ‘But I understand that you get mad from time to time, so I’m not mad at you. I forgive you.’
Benji is visibly relieved and nods. ‘Well, good then.’ He takes a bite of his muffin and Isabella copies his movements.
‘That’s it?’ I ask, a little bit confused.
‘That’s it,’ Isabella confirms. ‘Benji and I are going to be mature.’
‘Okay…’ I have no idea what I have to say to them now. ‘Remember, if you change your minds, that’s okay. You can always think about it again and if you want to you can always talk to me or Henry or Eve and Johnny about it.’
‘We know,’ they say in unison, both taking another bite from their respective muffins.
Have I done parenting exceptionally good? Was sleeping on it for a night, enough to digest this easier? Am I a successful parent? Should I write a book or something, to share my apparent wisdom with others?
I look over to Henry, who has a smile on his face as he nods approvingly. We eat our breakfast and Isabella is the ever drama queen, while Benji continues to seek approval from his coach, something that will forever warm my heart.
I tell them that we’re going to the autumn market and that they should get dressed. The two rush upstairs, already fighting who can shower first, and I lean back in the chair. Kal sits next to Henry on the floor, his head against his arm. It must be nice, to have a companion like that. ‘Answer this for me: have I found the perfect formula for parenting?’
Henry smiles. ‘I think you might have,’ he says, finishing up his smoothie. ‘How are you?’
‘I think I’m good,’ I whisper.
‘Come here,’ he says, as he pulls back the chair where Benji was sitting on a few moments ago, patting on the seat. I walk over to him, plopping on the seat. Henry pulls the chair closer to his and honestly, that is the biggest power move I have ever seen someone of the opposite sex do.
Before he can say anything to me, I ask: ‘I’m doing good, right? It was the right thing for me to tell them to be mature?’
‘It was,’ he says. ‘You are an excellent mother.’
Oh no, this shouldn’t make me cry. I bite my lip, before I let out a soft sob. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘No, no, no,’ Henry says, ‘This is all totally understandable. This is a lot of change and quite the stressful time for you, Dean and your kids. But remember, you are doing good.’ Just as he did with Benji, he places his hand in the back of my neck and smiles. ‘When we’re at the autumn market, we should not only buy something for their new baby, but maybe, if you allow me, I can buy something for the kids. Something they want.’
I let out a chuckle, wiping away my tears. ‘You are a very interesting man, mister Cavill,’ I say to him. ‘Very smart too, working your way into my heart, by being kind to me and my kids. Men around the world should take notes.’
He smiles, as his cheeks turn red. For a second I wonder why on earth he does this. The fact that I have kids is not scaring him away. My ex-husband and the way he and his new fiancée are involved in my life, doesn’t make him leave.
This man is the jackpot.
‘Henry, I’m sorry you rolled into this whole family mess,’ I say.
‘What did I tell you about apologizing?’ he asks me.
I smile, as I shake my head. ‘I should save it, I know, I know. Let me say this instead: Thank you for staying. I know many others wouldn’t have done that.’
Henry smiles, but he can’t say anything to it, because we are brutally interrupted. ‘Mom!’ Isabella yells, ‘Benji won’t let me in the bathroom.’
I chuckle. ‘Duty calls.’
✰ ✰ ✰
‘Dear Mindy,’ Isabella reads from the card, ‘congratulations on your baby. We are very happy for you. However, co- consi- Benji, what is this again?’
Benji scoots closer to his sister, reading the card. ‘However,’ he continues, ‘considering the circumstances, we find it very difficult to celebrate with you. Please accept this gift for your new baby and we wish you nothing but the best. We hope that we are welcome when we want to come over. Lots of love, Benji and Isabella.’
We are sitting at a large picnic table, with some hot chocolate and extra whipped cream, specifically asked for by Isabella and me. Henry, who sits next to me, has placed his hand on my leg and that is exactly the kind of support I need. I have wrapped my arm around his, to place my hand on his. My fingers play with his. ‘You agree with this?’ I ask the two of them.
‘I do,’ Isabella starts. ‘It sounds very mature, don’t you think, Benji?’
‘It does,’ he agrees. ‘Thank you, mom, coach… I feel better already.’
‘Want to drop it by or send it to them?’ Henry asks. ‘If you want, I can drop it off, if none of you want to bring it.’
We Jungs all agree a little too quick.
This causes Henry to smile. ‘Well, I’ll do that and before you worry, Amelia, it’s all good. I don’t mind.’
‘Coach,’ Isabella says, ‘you like my mom, don’t you?’
Henry nods. ‘I do like her and I sure hope she likes me too.’
‘She does,’ she confirms for me. Am I that obvious? ‘Do you like us?’
‘Very much, so,’ Henry says. ‘And Kal really likes you too.’ Kal sits next to Isabella, licking her cheek. ‘I really like spending time with the Jung family. Makes me feel less alone.’
‘Do you miss your family?’ she asks.
He shrugs. ‘Maybe a bit, but not a lot.’
Isabella nods, before she says: ‘We like it too when you are around.’
‘That’s wonderful to hear,’ Henry says and it almost sounds like he is touched by it.
She looks at her brother and coerces him to say something, with just her eyes. Since Benji has a very hard time saying no to her—ever—he nods and adds: ‘We like it that you make our mom happy.’
‘Oh guys, that is really not necessary,’ I say, hoping they would stop, but Isabella won’t zip it, because she adds: ‘Our mom deserves someone. She always tells us that we are her greatest treasures and while we believe that, it’s nice to see someone who cares.’
‘Okay, now you really need to stop talking,’ I laugh, ‘because I’m going to cry if you keep going.’
Henry squeezes my leg, before he admits: ‘You have wonderful kids, Amelia. Both of them.’ And that on their end, causes Benji and even Isabella to blush.
I nod. ‘Yeah, I sure do. Now, enjoy your hot chocolate, before it is cold.’
‘Can we go into the ferris wheel?’ Isabella asks, licking some of the whipped cream of her drink. ‘Please, mom?’
‘Of course,’ I answer.
‘Will you come with us?’ she pushes.
Benji nudges his sister. ‘Bella, remember that mom is afraid of heights.’
‘You’re afraid of heights?’ Henry asks, sounding genuinely surprised.
‘Maybe a bit,’ I confess, ‘but the last time we went was three years ago and I think I have grown. Besides, we have a wonderful dog and a Henry with us. I think I can manage.’
Henry starts to laugh, as well as Benji and Isabella, who give each other a high five, because we’re going in a cart together. ‘Coach,’ Benji starts, but Henry shakes his head.
‘When we’re not training, you can call me Henry,’ he tells them. ‘Both of you.’
‘Really?’ Isabella asks, her eyes starting to sparkle with hope.
He nods. ‘Really. I might be Benji’s coach, but when I’m at your place, I’m not. I’m just Henry, okay?’
‘Copy that,’ Benji chuckles, before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. ‘Henry.’
When we finished our hot chocolate, we get in line to go in the ferris wheel. Thankfully for my kids, dogs are allowed, otherwise I’d happily stay behind on the ground with Kal. We get in and I sit next to Henry, as Benji, Isabella and Kal sit across from us. ‘This is okay,’ I say, looking around me.
‘Mom,’ Isabella laughs, ‘we’re still on the ground. Don’t be ridiculous.’
Benji holds back a laugh. ‘You can still get out now.’
‘I’m totally fine,’ I say, but that’s such a lie. I breath in deeply, before slowly breathing out, hoping to calm my breathing a bit. The cart moves and I let out I high pitched scream. Thankfully the cart is closed and no one can hear me, except everyone here. My two kids start to chuckle and I scrunch up my nose. ‘Is it too late to get out?’ I ask.
‘It is now,’ Henry laughs. ‘You two are being awfully mean to your mother, laughing at her like that.’
‘One time, coach— I mean, Henry, mom, dad, Benji and I went to California and we also sat in a rollercoaster that stops for a while at the top. Mom was crying.’
‘Don’t share those stories with him,’ I say. ‘That is not… Oh no, we’re so high! I don’t like this.’ I close my eyes, as my shoulder tense up and are near my ears.
I can feel Henry laughing silently next to me, before he wraps an arm around my shoulders.
‘Are we nearly down yet?’ I ask.
Benji laughs. ‘No, mom, we’re almost at the top.’ The cart shakes as we come to a halt and I nearly puke from the sudden movement. ‘We can see our house from here.’
‘Mom, open up your eyes,’ Isabella says. ‘Please, mom, just look. For us.’
For us. She knows exactly what buttons to push. I open one eye, wince at the sight of the entire town, before opening the other one too. ‘Maybe you should breath,’ Henry chuckles.
‘Shut up,’ I chuckle nervously. ‘Oh, we can indeed see our house.’
Isabella stands up and I nearly yell at her that she should sit down, but this cart can handle movement. Besides, I don’t want to come across as that kind of mother. ‘Henry, can we see your house?’
He nods. ‘Right there, with the orange garage.’
‘You live in Miss Bonny’s old house?’ Benji asks. ‘They say her spirit still lives there and she eats little kids.’
Henry smiles. ‘Well, I’m all alone with Kal there. No spirit of Miss Bonny. It’s still a bit bland though.’
‘You want me to make something for you?’ Isabella asks. ‘Or maybe we can help you decorate it. Mom is really good at decorating. When dad moved out, the three of us completely redid our living room. We can paint, we can hang up wallpaper and we can find decorations.’
‘I would love that,’ he says with a smile. ‘Besides, I could use some help. I’m utterly useless when it comes to decorating.’
Benji smiles. ‘Then we really should help.’
✰ ✰ ✰
Henry and I watch as Benji and Isabella are in the arcade, playing away after Henry gave them like a billion quarters. We sip on our tea, with some cookies in the middle of us, as we sit across from each other. ‘So, how do you like the Luna Meadows autumn market so far?’ I ask him.
‘I absolutely love it,’ he admits. ‘This is such a lovely town. I’m happy I moved here and I’d like to take you guys up on that offer, of the three of you helping me decorate my place. I have been postponing it since the moment I arrived.’
‘Of course, let that be our way of thanking you for today. I honestly did not expect you to buy all of us matching pajamas, including a pair for yourself,’ I laugh. ‘And you’re sure you don’t mind bringing that package? I mean, I can send it to them or ask someone else to drop it off…’
‘I can just place it on their doorstep, right?’
‘You can, but… Don’t you think that it’s weird? Considering that there is something going on between the two of us.’
He shakes his head. ‘I want what is best for the kids and you. Really, I honestly don’t care about what your ex husband might think of it, what Mindy might think of it or the entire town for that matter.’
‘Gosh, you have such thick skin, Cavill. It’s admirable, really.’
He shrugs. ‘Barely.’ Henry holds out his hand for me to take and I hesitantly place mine in his. His thumb gently caresses my fingers. It feels so familiar, as if we have done this forever. For a second I’m afraid that people might see, but on the other hand: I don’t care. I’m happy right now.
I look up. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Go for it.’
‘Why did you marry your ex in the first place?’
Even if he was taken by surprise, he doesn’t show it. This man has an incredible pokerface and maybe it’s a blessing that I can’t even play poker; my face is an open book and Henry seems to read it with ease. ‘My parents thought we were a good match,’ he says. ‘I mean, I’ve known her since high school and I liked her as a friend, but… The both of us, we were never a match. However, she started dating my best friend behind my back, we finally got our divorce and I never saw her again. That’s the short, less pathetic version.’
‘Oh my, Henry, I’m so sorry. Did you date after that?’
‘I did, but it never felt good,’ he confesses. Henry tilts his head and smiles. ‘It never felt like how I feel about you. The second I lifted up that tampon box and looked into your eyes, it just clicked.’
‘Shut your face about the tampon box. When someone asks us how we met, we’ll just stick with the ‘you’re Benji’s new coach’-story.’
Henry smiles, while I am at a loss for words, since I’m drowning in his beautiful eyes. I don’t really understand why some parents would force their kids to marry someone, they don’t feel comfortable with. I still feel like there is so much more to the story then what he has told me, but I’m not going to pry. The fact that I completely tell him my entire life story, doesn’t mean that he has to.
‘Mom, Henry, look!’ Isabella yells, as she rushes back to us. She sits next to Henry and holds up her lion stuffed animal. ‘Benji won it for me.’
Benji sits down next to me, as I pull my hand back from Henry’s. ‘I don’t have any quarters left.’
‘We gave you tons of quarters,’ I chuckle.
‘Yeah, it may have cost me all of the quarters to win two,’ he confesses.
‘Two?’ I ask him, since Isabella is only holding one.
He holds up a little bear, twice as little as Isabella’s lion. ‘For Mindy’s baby,’ he says, causing Henry to look up as well. ‘Make sure it’s in the package,’ he tells his coach.
‘You’re a good kid,’ Henry says, taking over the bear from Benji. ‘You’re really going places, mark my words.’
✰ ✰ ✰
Dean: Your new boyfriend brought over the gift.
Dean: I honestly don’t get what the big deal is.
Dean: That you don’t like this, whatever, but the kids should at least have the human decency to bring over the package themselves.
Dean: The kids are coming over next week again.
Amelia: If they want to.
Amelia: And by the way: you’re welcome.
Dean: For what?
Amelia: The gift the kids prepared for Mindy.
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sortasirius · 3 years
Text
Celebrations
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Words: 1644
Warnings: mentions of abuse, my usual hatred of John Winchester
AN: I miss him a whole lot.  Happy birthday, Dean <3
Read it on AO3 here!
When Dean turned four, his mother baked him a birthday pie instead of a cake.  It was apple, his favorite, and made the house smell like heaven the whole day. Better than heaven, as Dean would learn when he was much older.  They threw a party for him, surrounded by his friends from pre-school and their parents, they were allowed to run around the house because it was too cold and snowy to play outside for long.  Dean still remembers the way that he slid across the wood floor to get to the umbrella base in tag, laughing as his friends chased him.
They had opened presents and Dean had gotten new Hot Wheels and two new Lego sets.  He remembered that he got the first piece of pie with a candle in it, that they had all sung him happy birthday, and that they had ended the day with a snowball fight and hot chocolate in front of the fire that night, where Dean was curled between his mother and father, sleepily holding the little black muscle car he had been given in his hand as his mother stroked his hair.
That was the last birthday party he ever had on earth.
When Dean turned ten, his father had taken him shooting. They had stood in front of some stationary cans, a makeshift gun range in the middle of the woods of Colorado, and John had kept him at it until he could hit every target with his eyes closed. He had known how to hold a gun from the time he was six years old, but he swelled with pride when he hit one of the cans, looking up at John for approval, getting a half-smile and a hand ruffling his hair every so often.
When Dean turned sixteen, he spent the day in school staring out the window and wondering what his father was hunting this time.  He wanted to be there, he wanted to be out there saving people, hunting things, protecting his father’s back, showing him that he was ready for the life.  He wasn’t cut out for school his report card that he intentionally made worse than it could be showed that, he wanted to show his father that he was really made to be a hunter.  Too bad he couldn’t even fake being bad at math and science, he always got As in those classes, no matter how hard he tried to fail them.  His birthday gift that year was a 100 on a math exam. Damn.
When Dean turned eighteen, he had already dropped out of school to hunt with his father.  Sam would stay behind, only hunting during summer break, focusing on school, which Dean had never been able to do.  He and his father took out a pair of ghouls, and John had given Dean a swig of his whiskey as a reward.  It was, in Dean’s mind, an invitation to becoming a man.
When Dean turned twenty-one, he got shitfaced at some seedy bar while Sam studied for the SATs and John was on a hunt turned binge drinking session.  They hadn’t seen him in two weeks, but that was becoming more and more routine, as every time he was home, he and Sam would fight.  Dean would always get in between, always protect Sam, and if that earned him a black eye or two, so be it, he would do anything when it came to Sam.  They had thrown him out of the bar when last call came around, and Dean had sung happy birthday to himself as he stumbled back to their hotel, ignoring Sam’s bitchface as he focused on his flashcards, determined to escape the life that Dean knew he was stuck with.
Birthdays came and went like any other winter days after that.  Twenty-two, thirty, thirty-six, forty-one, they all passed without incident, without mention, without name.  Dean didn’t mind, it was easier that way anyway.  At least, that’s what he told himself when he got himself a slice of gas-station pie on a solo hunt when he turned thirty-seven.  He was lucky to be alive at all.
Dean doesn’t make it to forty-two, he misses it by a few months.  Time is supposed to move differently in Heaven, but Dean still knows that it’s his birthday.  He spends a lot of the day at the lake by his perfect little house, not really wanting to be bothered.  He knew this day would be harder for Sam down there on Earth than it would be for him. That still bothered him, even in the middle of paradise, that Sam was hurting and he couldn’t help him through it. It was an adjustment, they all told him, something that you got used to, but how does he forget that he left his brother, the man he raised, that he loves with all he has, on Earth by himself. He’s not by himself, he reminds himself fifty or so times, staring out at the smooth, glassy surface of the water ringed with aged trees, he has Eileen, he has a life.  
People seem to understand that he wants to be alone, no one swings by like they usually do to check in with him.  They seem to understand that his first birthday in Heaven may be one that he wants to spend alone.  Except for the dark-haired angel who settles in his own chair at the end of their little dock, sitting silently and watching the water with Dean.  Dean occasionally takes his eyes off the water and settles on the angel, in his beat up Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans and boots, his messy hair and his bright blue eyes.
“Should I tell you happy birthday?” Cas eventually asks, looking at him directly, not out of the corner of his eyes, “Or is that not appropriate anymore?”
“You can,” Dean watches the minnows twirl in the water at their feet, not able to meet Cas’ eyes, “Are they looking for me?”
“I told them not to,” Cas responds, not taking his eyes off of Dean’s face, “I figured you’d need a little time.  Many of them have been here for years, they forget that it takes some getting used to, especially for someone stubborn like you.”
Dean rolls his eyes but huffs a laugh in spite of himself.
“It’s not so much me,” he lets the words fall out of his mouth, uninhibited here as they were so often on Earth, “It’s more Sam.  I still worry, even though I know he’ll get here eventually.”
“You raised him, it’s understandable,” Cas’ hand reaches for Dean’s and Dean takes it automatically, feeling the tightness in his chest ease at the feel of Cas’ strong, warm hand in his.  He still wasn’t used to it, wasn’t used to having Cas to wake up to in the morning, having Cas hold him at night, having someone that understood him so fully, inside and out.
“Should I stop being mopey?”
“You know as well as I do that I can’t tell you what to do,” Cas smiles, “But I think Ellen might like it if you came to the Roadhouse today.”
“Why?”
“Because she wants to give you a real birthday party.”
Dean feels the way he did when he was four again: almost weightless with excitement.  He doesn’t even pause, just stands up and starts dragging Cas to the Impala, speeding towards the Roadhouse and the idea of his very own birthday party in nearly forty years.
It’s just like he had always dreamed, one of those things that really made him believe this was Heaven and not just some made-up djinn dream.  Everyone was there, everyone he had loved and lost and found again in the sprawling eternity that was this place.  They had his favorite food, his favorite music, his favorite beer…everything was perfect.  Well, he thought so anyway, until his mother came out of the kitchen with a steaming apple pie with a candle in it and set it in front of Dean.  They all sang happy birthday, and he took the first bite of his birthday pie with a smile so wide he thought his face might split in two.
“Did you set all that up?” Dean asks Cas when they’re in bed that night, Cas tracing the freckles on Dean’s skin with his long fingers.
“No, I just planted the seed.  Mentioned to Mary and Ellen that you might like a birthday party.”
Dean listens to the trees rustle outside their window for a while, trying to find the words.
“How’d you know?”
“Because I know you’ve never really been able to celebrate you, any milestones, any accomplishments.  It’s not a hunter’s life.  It’s not that I knew you wanted it, it’s that I wanted that for you.  You deserve it.”
Dean closes his eyes at the words, letting them wash over him like a warm shower.  He had never really thought he deserved anything, but he was starting to understand that, whether he deserved the party or the family and friends he had, he might, just maybe, deserve Cas.
“I want to give you a birthday party.”
Cas laughs, pressing his lips to Dean’s hair.
“I’m many millennia old, I don’t think I ever had a date assigned.”
“Pick one, then.”
Cas considers for a while, hands still running along Dean’s skin.
“September 22, the fall equinox.”
Dean doesn’t question it, just leans up to press his lips to Cas’.
“I’ll start planning,” he pauses again, steeling himself to find the right words, “Thank you.  For today.  I love you.”
“Of course.  And I you.”
Dean falls asleep that night dreaming of Cas, of birthday pie, and of fall birthday parties.  He learns to let Sam be, to be his own person, to celebrate himself, for a change.  
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