#i will try and itll make no progress so why even try at all
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#don't let them see this!#I ACCIDENTLY SENT THIS TO THE WRONG CHAT WHEN SENDING IT TO MYSELF WHAT IF I SCREAMED#aaa...#i am. hurty and sad and agh.#i really dont want to be a bad person and i want to be good!!! however!! i feel like im just naturally going to be an awful awful bad#And I Really Hate That.#as much as i try i am just going to be This#im scared im not making progress#i think im going back#so much stuff is repeating and im becomign Awful Awful Terrible again and it is my fault#i really need to do better#but i am drawing right now#so i gues thats nice#i want to scream#i want to go away from this stuff!! i want to take a break because i feel so sick and awful but i already know its no use#and i cant even try because thats wasted time#i will try and itll make no progress so why even try at all#plus im being disgusting again and that Sucks. agh. today is just. not a good day.#i hate when it gets this way i hate everything i hate everything so much and i hate sounds and i hate being awful#i am trying very hard to not break any vows however i keep slipping up and now my sleep schedule is getting to be awful again and everything#everything terrible and i am crying and i hate this so much and i hate bodies and people and surroundings and realizations and thoughts#gah.#i hate having such strong emotions grrjfjjjgjfj#this is all my fault and im just trying to be a victim in my own messes which really sucks so i dont even have a genuine reason to be Sad#i hate being this way gahhhhhhhggjjfjfnfnnfnrnfndjfnxnmdndnsmsndjsjsjskdjsnjfjsjdnsns
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this isnt an attack, im genuinely trying to share my thoughts. if we just need to agree to disagree, sure. but hopefully someone understands where im coming from.
this is about tagging dormancy and fusion as "tw (dormancy/fusion)". i will be talking about what others have said and our personal experience. this is warning enough. please do not tag this post as "tw (dormancy/fusion)". i find that disrespectful, considering what im about to discuss. if you tag the words without tw, fine. but i do not want you putting a trigger warning on my healing journey.
as a system who have had their fair share of negative experiences with both dormancy and fusion, i understand how those subjects can be distressing. as a system who used to be scared of both of those things, i understand.
so, tagging the words? fine. it helping just filtering posts for other reasons too. but i heavily dislike the push to make everyone tag it as "tw (dormancy/fusion)". here are my reasons why:
- obviously the first is that, dont ask people to trigger warn their own healing? i know for some people these things aren't necessarily "healing" but it is healing for a lot of people, us included. and just because you don't have that as your experience as healing, doesn't mean i have to trigger warn my own progress. we've found emdr incredibly triggering and unhelpful for us, but we dont go running around telling everyone to tag it as "tw emdr". thats not fair. emdr helps a lot of people. our bad experience doesn't affect their good one.
- continuing on from that point. i have not seen a single person ever tag a post as "tw functional multiplicity". why do we have to tag one healing option but not the other? what about people who want to see how things go? do they need to say "tw unsure healing path"? if majority of people genuinely want to start forcing people to tag any kind of healing they are doing, im all for it. but i heavily doubt that'll happen.
- the "its anti-recovery" debate. i agree with this statement somewhat. is it necessarily anti-recovery? no (so yeah sure, i agree with that one anon a few asks back). but we found the more people tagged it, even for good things, it was so demonising and ostracising. it made us stress MORE by seeing the warning. it made us feel so incredibly guilty for having fusions and having people go dormant. because how dare we experience and enjoy something that is so triggering for others?
additionally, yes, absolutely rejecting that fusions will happen, is anti-recovery. we are and always have been aiming for functional multiplicity. over time we are more accepting and encouraging for fusions because that will almost always happen when healing. no, im not saying "its inevitable you will all fuse no matter what". what im saying is "it will genuinely surprise me if you go through the healing process and didn’t fuse at least once".
- if you are in a period of your life where the mere mention of it triggers you, block as many of the tags as you can. genuinely. block "dormancy". block "fusion". because i see at least majority of people tag that, even without the "tw" beforehand. if it is that bad, and tumblrs little "this post contains #tw dormancy" bothers you, get off tumblr because you actually cant avoid that happening.
- "its a common trigger, its courteous that people tag it with "tw"". while yes, common triggers are of course courteous to tag, but i dont think you're the majority here. at least from what we've seen. idk could be wrong. please tw things that obviously need warnings (if you wanna argue over what counts, fucking go for it). but as always, you are still responsible for the content you engage with. if you see a post where in the first few sentences looks like itll talk about fusion or dormancy, or even if you see the word out of context on the post. go ahead and scroll or block that post for all i care.
if i made a post saying "i talked about some dormant alters in therapy today" or "that fusion between x and x finally happened" or even "im really proud of how far weve come, weve made good progress with integrating certain alters and maybe i wanna fuse soon". and you have an intense triggered reaction, that is your responsibility to deal with. if you cannot be safe online with the content you may view, you should not be going online. block tags, block creators. do things to keep yourself safe, but you need to be okay with the fact that you still have a chance of running into triggers.
again, you can tag this post as dormancy and fusion, but im going to feel disrespected if you go against my wishes and tag it as "tw (fusion/dormancy)"
- JADS
I understand where you’re coming from, and the push for censoring it is harming those that do have it as a healing method.
And I won’t trigger warn this post since you’ve requested it not be warned, but I’ll still add the dormancy and fusion tags.
I completely understand the points you made, but I also want to further explain why I add the tw here on the blog.
It’s not meant as a means of demonizing a healing process, it’s to cover bases for those that just don’t want to see it or have forgotten to add “dormancy” or “fusion” as a single filtered tag. It’s not meant as a mean ordeal or as anti-recovery. It’s there for those that just can’t deal with it currently or the talk of it has issues for them.
Am I responsible for what is on peoples dashes? No. But I am responsible for the tags that I use, something that I like making sure bases are crossed on so everyone can stay safe.
As someone who has had dormancy and fusions happen, it causes a mental strain for us to think on it. Does that mean we trigger warn it? No. We don’t even have the tags filtered because it’s something that can happen. But do we warn it for others that might not be ready or are currently dealing with a lot of things already? Yes.
Again, it’s not for anti-recovery, and it might seem that way. But I like knowing what’s being talked about when I’m scrolling through tumblr or sysblr as a blanket statement on if I can read it or not.
Such as if we’ve currently had someone that’s helped the system so much that just goes dormant and leaves multiple parts heartbroken? I won’t be in the spot to read anything about dormancy but I’m glad that others are able to heal and continue healing with it. But at that time, we have felt like someone close to us has gone, even if they can come back, but they can come back different or not the same.
I don’t know if any of that made sense or provides any extra insight on why the TW for both is here on the page, but hopefully it helps some?
I do appreciate you putting your views on it. But I also want to state that everyone will view things differently and different times and that’s alright.
I know some might also have some situations where dormancy and fusion just doesn’t seem fun due to final fusion being seen as the catch all healing option rather than functional multiplicity, but the community really just needs to do better as a whole of letting people heal in a way that works best for them rather than trying to force a healing path on someone else. (Not an attack on you, just a general statement because I feel like the healing options have become a zone of constant belittling to others about).
#JADS#anti endo#endos dni#did system#system#actually did#osddid#traumagenic system#endos not for you#did plural#actually traumagenic#did plurality#osdd plural#osdd plurality#dormancy#fusion
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welcoem to my fuck house
Red | 20 | it/its | main blog
making this sideblog to meet people to play games with and justify my ffxiv subscription!
I dont have very much experience with mmos, and my histories with both gw2 and ffxiv are Falling Madly In Love With It Before Ive Even Beaten The Tutorial and Buying All The Expansions and immediately falling off because of some kerfuffle or another game catching my attention. But i wanna get back into them now!
this blog is a big fat work in progress so mind the dust, I’ll make a proper character list with art/pictures and shit Later
(current list under readmore!)
GUILD WARS 2 CHARACTERS
Revylin- it/any sylvari, cycle of dusk,mesmer. Just call it Revyl! My current main im using to relearn the game! Got converted to the nightmare court as a sapling for its higher than usual magical aptitude, had an Awful Time and was rescued by the Wardens before it could become a knight. Now travels around tyria pursuing a wyld hunt he cant remember (itll be fine!! itll come back to him itll be fiiiiiine) working as a dancer/storyteller before getting tangled up in the Plot
Irysel- she/they sylvari elementalist. max level commander from my original 2019 playthrough! idk if i’ll ever play her again but i remember having such a blast with elementalist i’ll probably try her again eventually
Rika Sunstalker- he/they ash legion charr thief. old dnd character made gw character! the campaign he was in stopped so now he only exists here! a gladium, formerly rika sunblaze, who got his warband killed?? Somehow??? and took the stalker name/joins a pirate crew of other disgraced charr to travel and see the world (still working his details out adldjd)
(I havent made these next few characters ingame yet, but plan to once im farther along!)
Irene- he/she sylvari, cycle of noon, guardian. Warden turned adventurer turned revyl's travelling partner (and eventual co-commander and lover!) Very devout dreamer with a strong sense of justice and desire (read: overwhelming uncompromising need) to be the pale tree's most devout, prized, heroic son. Travels around tyria working up the ranks of the vigil, trying very very Vewy hard to fuffil a wyld hunt she cant remember (all he knows is that it Must be tied to revyl. thats why she feels that way whenever revyl looks at her, right?)
Toymaker Tazzi- she/it/they asura, college of dynamics, necromancer. toymaker who wants to Optimize fun. wants to algorithmically derive the perfect way to Have The Most Fun. do not let her get in contact with revyl shenanigans will ensue
Captain Ashlynn Wednesday- she/any blood legion charr elementalist. another old dnd character hit with the Youre A Charr Now beam! gladium, originally a warrior who nearly drowned during a mission and made a pact with a (dead god?? sea spirit?? sea demon??) to get her elementalist magic, potentially terrifying amounts of magical power held back by the fact that shes a Little Stupid and more likely to blow herself up than anyone else-
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FFXIV CHARACTERS
Ciel D’luxe- he/they viera summoner/archer hes my little meow meow so full of problems. hes a drag queen. he has trust issues. hes trying to find love even though he thinks hes the wettest most miserable man in eorzea. his ex is hunting him for sport. the only reason he became a summoner was because he saw a carbuncle for the first time and Lost It. hes a bitch hes a lover hes my little booboo bear
(havent made these characters ingame yet but plan to!)
alta haragin- she/it au'ra pugilist/lancer (or pugilist/gladiator? i know i can technically have all three but shes gotta have two Mains yknow), Rapscallion Criminal turned pit fighter turned adventurer turned ciels girlfriend and co-captain of ciels adventuring party
drakaz verkach-he/him hroth hhhhheavy armor class of some sort. maybe he'll be the gladiator. the beavis to altas butthead. just here for a good time! please pay no attention to my myriad mental health issues/simultaneous identity crises
(this last guy is a joke character but i honestly cant gey him out of my head maybe ill make him a retainer like i wanna do with kaz)
nagayuki ittetsu-any pronouns au'ra(?) spellcaster who wants to ammase enough power to Become A Primal. he is always and forever getting tricked by ascians/beast clans/random fucking guys and gets Almost Murdered several times-
#about#ffxiv#gw2#guild wars 2#i know basically nothing about both of these games so im excited to jump back in!#-> tags for mobile#my art#my screens#talking tag
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[parasocial bestie] good evening aly!!! dont ask why im up so early theres a reason for it but like. punches ur irrational thoughts away!! !!! like i feel u so bad on progressing something you just had the energy to and then worrying itll be the only time youll feel it ever. but if you do fall into it the next minute i hope u know it still comes back later on! hype doesnt die completely when u truly love them- i get my bouts of just Its Not There about my blorbos when my thoughts are still running with them but no gears moving in my fingies to execute it. please know dat i believe in u!!! you can do it I HAD A BRIEF SQUEAL WHEN U SAID ITLL BE SILLY BUT I HAVE NO IDEA IF ITS THE "theyre so cute so happy" SILLY or the "ive put this guy in a coma" SILLY LIKE I DID WITH MY BRAINROT. we jumble up our overall vocabulary for the funnies and copium like dat yknow
girls will see that they have a new ask, hold their breath, and do a silly little dance when it is in fact from the bestie <33333 GOOD MORNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its okay i woke up at literally the same time this morning actually ive been up saurrrrrrr early bc of my work schedule its wild...
ILY SO BAD crying shaking sobbing god yeah like realistically i still love them so bad im not just gonna Not Care but ohhhhh the fear of having ideas for creation and Not following through on them and never finishing.......... telling myself over and over 2 b patient bc genshin is like. still so in progress and im still so heavily obsessed that im not exactly gonna be free of it anytime soon like i have all the time in the world to get shit like this done lets be so fr
AND UMMMMMMMMMMM WELL. well. well. im gonna keep calling it silly bc it is sooooooooo silly to me. but its the kind of silly where. um. well. um.
this kind of silly ^_^ you'll see its like. well i cant say it makes sense its too silly to make sense but IN CONTEXT....... the not making sense part makes sense. u kno. <- completely lost myself trying to say that
it started raining as i was typing this im literally so happy u have no idea.... rain my EVERYTHING i cannot believe that spiritually we r out in the rain jumping in puddles simply enjoying the amazing vibes although idk if u like rain or not so if u DONT like rain then spiritually we r Inside nice and warm and dry sitting across from each other in a little sleepover tossing xiao thoughts back and forth ten million times over <3
#parasocial bestie tag#NO BC I THINK UR RUBBING OFF ON ME calling characters experiencing The Fucking Horrors silly#giggling at myself a little bit about it
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my mom is super pissed and super dissapointed BUT knows i wasnt involved and understands why i didnt act differently so i think ill be okay with her. my sister who wasn't involved (my older sister) is super pissed, but again not so much with me but mostly with my other sister because she did participate , but my older sister did scream at me for a few minutes, which made her a little less mad, and i desereved it. she also cant yell at my other sister because shes actially fucking crazy when she has to face the consequences of her actions and would likely do something irreversable because she feels like shit about what happened nd my older sister knows that, which kind of pissed her off more, but i think itll mostly be okay.
ive also decided i will not see any of those people aside from my sister outside of school, and will not speak to them or interact with them unless they initiate, and i will keep it short. im tired of being dragged into shit that i dont wanna be a part of. also that boy did take responsibility for one of the things used being his, so hopefully my sister and i will not get drug charges , but my 'friends' literally said they lied to the police. i dont know if thats true or if they just dont want everyone to think they snitcehd , but i refuse to be involved with people who think its okay to break the law and when they get caught, to do it again. theyre stupid and i cant deal with that. especially when half of them are shitheads who dont like me anyways.
ive also decided to see if i can tutor after school and also write handwritten letters to the officers superintendent and principal to attempt to get my reputation back. i know you said it doesnt matter, and its probably pointless to even worry about, but i do really care what these people think of me, and i want them to trust me and believe in me and support me. i am nothing without my reputation and intelligence at this school. all these people have known each other since diapers and have lives to fall back on. they have family farms and loyal friends and support from their community. i dont have that so i want to earn support and loyalty and this is the only way i know how.
i really appreciate the support through all my struggles ive shared with you. even thought you arent in my life physically and youre just some cool person i know from the internet who writes silly stories i like , its nice to feel like someone cares about you. ive always found it difficult sharing my thoughts and feelings, especially with adults mostly because i didnt want to be judged, and i dont feel judged with you, and i can get advice from someone with more life experience. thank you for that. i hope youre doing well, especially after your surgery(?)
I'm proud of you for setting up new boundaries and distancing yourself from those people. But I hope you also know that its not fair for your older sister and mom to use you as a scapegoat because your other sister isn't mentally stable enough to take her fair share of the punishment. Just because she can't handle it doesn't mean you should have to handle double the dose of yelling and anger. That's not healthy, especially since you were already an unwilling party to that whole experience.
And I hope you realize that you have worth and value outside of what people think of you! It's okay to be concerned with your reputation but keep in mind that nobody will truly understand the real you because they're not in your head all the time. They will judge you on only what they see and believe about you so it's impossible to curate a perfect image. But that's okay! People aren't meant to understand one another to such degrees anyway. It's alright to be flawed. We are all just works in progress, trying our best to make the most of what we've got
You'll understand this more and more the older you get. And your desire to be seen in a good light by others will fade as you realize that yours is the one true opinion that REALLY matters. Once you start liking and respecting yourself, everyone else can take a long walk off a short pier 😌
Stay positive! Things can and will always get better 🖤
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this ended up super long but i still wanna share cuz why not so uh putting it under a readmore. sorry in advance (its just some rambling abt an animation thingy im making)
actually though speaking of that animation i didnt even expect myself to like actually start it yesterday but i just.. kept making progress XD
probably had smthn to w me trying a completely different process from what ive normally done for like.. pretty much as long as i have been animating now that i think abt it
normally i just make them in chronological order which is Not a very good idea but i was always super intimidated by the idea of blocking things out beforehand for some reason so i always just drew things as i went along and hoped i remembered what my plan even was (never animated much long stuff so this wasnt too big of an issue for the most part which probably contributed to me sticking to that approach for so long) but with this one i kinda wanted to draw finalized stuff in an actual art program (for most of my life ive only ever animated on fucking. scratch. cuz i started doing map parts n stuff as a kid on there and now its kinda the only thing that makes sense to my brain.. more recently ive used ibispaints animation thing but really only for short loops.. i hate doing big stuff in strict frame by frame it drives me crazy) so i kinda avoided working on it for a while after i got the idea but yesterday on a whim i decided to open up turbowarp nd like super roughly sketch the Basic Idea of what i wanted it to be and then i started coding in the timing and i kept adding frames and now i have a nearly complete skeleton of the animation if that makes sense..
on the one hand it feels so cool cuz i have so much actually just. done. and the concept is much more solidified. ive made a lot of progress. but on the other hand.. my coding skills kinda suck and i skipped over two little segments cuz im still figuring out exactly what visuals i wanna have so now im worried my timing will get messed up when i add that in (i think the way i have it organized is okayish especially in comparison to what ive done in the past but it still isnt great) but then also.. i feel like it just wont turn out very good idk. like in all honesty this is one of the more ambitious animations ive tried doing in YEARS that ive actually made decent progress on but even then i still have so much left.. some of my sketched out stuff turned out weirdly really good nd im worried itll be lost when i actually draw things out properly and then on the flipside some of it is super jank in a way i cant totally tell of the frames just dont flow well or if i timed it out poorly (i dont use actual framerates its awful i just tweak the wait time between frames until it looks good) oh god okay this is getting stupidly long uh ill just cut this off here i dont really know what else to say now XD maybe ill actually go work on the damn thing
#inqusitivewaltz.txt#what came over me to write this much what the fuck#<- actually i know exactly what happened i just like talking abt art and my process and stuff. sigh#i feel like its never in much of an interesting or insightful way though . why do i have to be like this /silly#ugh im so tempted to show examples of my coding processes too and how stupid and unorganized it is cuz i think its funny but thatll make th#post Even Longer and i dont think anyone would care much to read that#like specifically though when i was younger i would always just use the repeat action thingy for however many frames i needed to play#<- god i hope this makes sense#and id just like. pray the timing would work out. which is still sort of what i do#but it caused so many weird issues with timing nd whatnot that now ive gotten like. weirdly paranoid abt over using the repeat thing#and instead just have it manually change frames everytime.. which is where the whole individual frame timing thing comes from XD#god i feel like thisd make ao much more sense w visuals ALSO I JUST SAID I WOULDNT TALK ABT THIS WHAT IS WRONG W ME HELP
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i miss being pure a lot. it was ruined so early. it didnt even start with SA it started with exposure to sexuality so young and being sexualized. why tf was i sexualizing myself so young?? why tf were people sexualizing me so young and showing me sexual shit?? it feels so disgusting and ive always felt disgusting. it all just escalated with people sexualizing me as well as a kid, harassing me, touching me AHH so much. spring and summer gives me nostalgic feelings from when i was young and nothing mattered. i hate working and seeing kids come in with their parents so full of love and life, i feel so jealous i want to cry, i wish i could start over. i know everyone wishes they were a kid again and having a child is like being able to relive it yourself and shape them in a better way than what you had. i could never have a kid. my parents didnt even know i was being tainted and i felt too much shame to tell them. being think wont resort me back to being a child. i know this. but even as a kid i had in my mind i needed to be small. the more i gained weight the more i appeared like a girl and the more disgusted i felt with myself. being small meant control and looking more masculine. it still feels that way. itll be so long before i can get surgeries and really feel complete. until then i want to shed myself of this shame full of fat. ive failed at restricting these past 3 days and i feel so ill. i was so close to 149. so fucking close. i had to be a fat piece of shit and just stuff my fucking face. craving a bit of comfort and distraction from what i feel. from going to sleep. i dont want to be forced to relive the pain everytime i go to bed. its always something horrible in some twisted way. i dont want to sleep and acknowledge this day is truly over and tomorrow i am still this person. i have to learn to love myself or i can never enjoy this life. i wish it was easier to not have such strong restrictions on what i feel is ok for me to be and do. i keep relapsing in self harm and i know being in servers that have enablers for sh and ed doesnt fucking help but god i just dont want to feel alone. i cant confide in anyone here it just causes more worry and pain and its so difficult to see them suffer because im struggling so much. theres nowhere to hide but here and i feel like eventually itll be discovered and ill be sent to a hospital or some shit to go through the same cycle ive been through 8 times before, just wasting peoples time and money. i do try to get better and not keep up horrible coping skills nothing fucking works nothing is enough to distract running away doesnt help i dont want to run but i dont want to be beat up by my brain anymorw i just want to feel numb i just want to be hurt I JUST WANT TO BE HURT please anything to make this shutupni dont want to see horrible flashbacks anymoreni hate this ptsd i hate the pain i hate the ghosts i dont want a life full of trauma i dony want to focus on all the bad i want to be ok so badly but none of this is okay my body isnt okay ill neveg be okay at this weight i have to punish myself by not eating people spend too much on me as is and its so costly just to keep me alive why bother with the extra shit?? i want to be loved and coveted but also hated and beaten until i have no choice but to die, i never reached my goals i never became a tattoo artist it is so painful to lose what little progress ive made in life but it is more painful than torturing myself everyday unconsciously? its painful to think all memoriesnof this life could be erased, nothing i did ever mattered, a handful of people remember me and when theyre gone it willnbe nobody. but i feel like such a shitstain in the world anyway and undeserving of being remembered. i already fuckednup so much please just let me restart. i would if it wouldnt hurt my bf and family so much. its torture. why be hurt because of losing me? there is nothing that is lost. i promise i dont matter and ive made you think i matter out of desperation. im sorry.
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i had this dream once, what i now consider to be my favorite dream
it was interesting bc i was in bed, in the exact position id be if i'd just woken up normally. it was the hours of the early morning, maybe like 4am-ish, and it was dark but there was enough light coming from outside to give the room a bit of a light blue tint, and the vibe had a very cozy, almost mystical feel to it.
and then ougi came to visit me!!!!!!!! in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in my room!!!!!!!! yoo!!!!!!!!! she appeared very suddenly out of nowhere but said she was there the whole time (lying) (i did not correct her out of Politeness). she started snooping around my room and talking in vague ominous predictions about me in classic ougi fashion and then tried to get me to do something bad in also classic ougi fashion. but like, the really super cool thing about this dream was that i was SO STOKED to see ougi even in the throes of unconsciousness that all of my hype and excitement and love made me somewhat lucid and also immune to ougi's gaslighting. so she was like "come do this thing with me itll be fine" and i was just like "no :D" lmao. i was also vaguely not listening to her talking bc of aforementioned hype. so rude of me smh smh
but yeah i was like "nah i dont really wanna do this thing" which was troublesome for her bc thats why she came. so shes getting like progressively annoyed with me not cooperating lmao. she goes into the next room and i follow her and shes like, (about me not following her shady instructions) 「全然引き受けてないんですね」 and im like 「はい！(:D)」 (this part was in japanese. this dream was so crazy fr its almost unbelievable actually i dont even believe it happened. lol)
and then she started moping (LOL) (adorable...) about how much stuff she wanted to get done today but now she can't... (was she trying to guilt trip me? lol) and eventually was like, ok well ig ill go home and i was like NONONNONOOOO NOOO IM SORRY STAY PLEASE STAAAAY DONT GOOO LETS HANG OUT INSTEAD CMOON もっと遊ぼうよ and i guess this worked because we hung out very casually for a little bit while she was still sort of peeved with me and not sure what to make of me (and then jake from adventure time was there for a moment which was weird lol) and then i woke up shortly after
but its so cool how my dream didn't even make her out of character or anything. it was crazy it really felt like she came to visit me... 🖤🖤
...so when i woke up under my blankets with the darkness all around me and the slight light coming from outside and the soft pitter patter of raindrops audible and my ougi pillow in arms i felt so cozy and warm and happy and serene and loved in a way i don't think i'll be able to replicate for some time... it was such a precious experience
i feel like if thats not fitting to be called a "favorite dream" idk what is
#🖤#🥺🥺#heart still feels so light and bursting at the memory...#what a gift this dream was#so yes i have dreamt of ougi!#hope it happens again....#it was so nice because it was so calm in my room#i was so happy because she was like. interacting with me#me!!!!! me!!!!!! and me specifically!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i was just so happy to have her there in my room too#it was just so nice#really felt so cozy and loved#kind of a magical experience!
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My thoughts during the final palace and after finishing the final palace in Persona 5 Royal
Be warned, there are spoilers ahead
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i cant believe the supposed “bad” or not true ending of persona 5 royal is not actually the correct ending
it seems so happy and perfect with how it looks, most games would consider that the true ending but ig coz the games theme is rebelling against an unjust society and the sorts, it wouldnt be right for marukis world to be real, they even voice acted it and put so much effort into an ending that would usually be avoided if u wanted to finish the game, god damn p5r is written pretty well
and once i beat the final palace, i pre much have 100% achievements and moving onto p3p 🤔 and then probs after playing thru p3p twice to get 100% achievements, ill be replaying p4g
even crazier is that jokers teammates dont actually notice anything about the world they were given, only joker and akechi notice or know about it but joker is just praying that the ending chosen was a good ending
and then i can kinda understand marukis ending coz like a world where no one gets hurt. in marukis palace theres a part where u answer a questionnaire or multiple and one question where it had something to do with ur goals with the answers being “continue trying to reach ur goal”, “do whatever it takes to reach ur goal” or “give up and move onto a new goal/dream” actually made me realise that i usually take the easy way out in most things 😢 its kinda sad, id go for the final option and usually give up and move onto another dream/goal, which also explains why i never get addicted to have anything im rly passionate about since ill just give up when i hit a slump or just cannot progress aaaaaaaa p5r is so good
but the biggest problem with marukis ending is that ur happiness is just given to u, u dont think at all, uve got one singular path laid out for u to follow and while i find that decent and nice, its also rly fun and nice to struggle and come out on top, tho for me i usually only do those things for simpler activities such as coding, im fine with struggling with figuring out how to code something coz at the end its just so satisfying to figure it out and make it work, but at the same time, i wouldnt mind a path laid out for me since im the type of person to go with the flow and follow alongside others, but im also pretty neutral so while idm it, id also not like it and would like a path that makes me want to struggle and want me to reach my goals/dreams 🤔 aaaaaa theres so much to think about
tbh never thought a game would make me wanna type this much about it but after reading the comments of the “bad” ending, it got me wanting to share my own opinions but didnt wanna do it in the yt comments
like no cap if marukis reality were real, it would be great coz it means ur friends who suicided would come back, cats and dogs would live longer, etc and then i could have my best friend who suicided come back to life and while thats great and all itll also mean the struggles of coping with his death would disappear, it would mean id spend less time trying to catch up with ppl, thanking ppl for talking with me, letting ppl know i cared and id go back to the person whod disappear every once in a while, never thanking anyone for games, never thanking anyone for anything and making people question whether i rly found it fun to hang out with them or whether i cared about them much, so much to think about 💀 but i can genuinely understand where maruki is coming from where he doesnt want anyone to be hurt since id like the same 😢
he truly is the goodest bad guy
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i will never understand people who try to seperate c!tommy and c!dream as if their stories and character progression arent interwoven with each other
their dynamic is so interesting and tragic...
they used to genuinely be friends, brothers even. dream would antagonise tommy a lot, he would break his own rules and do things to get on tommy's nerves to play with him, but back then we all saw it as some light-hearted fun, its how tommy saw it too. he had fun in this little play-war they had going on
and then came wilbur. then came lmanberg. and suddenly he was spending more time around his actual brother. he was actually fighting against dream, it wasn't just play anymore. so then came the declaration of independence, and so came the declaration of war. the burned down house, the blown up land, the final control room, the duel, the trade.
but tommy didn't truly hate dream, not yet. but dream’s motives were so unclear, what was the truth? and what was a lie? switching sides so many times, trying to push away the blame from himself, wanting to support tommy in taking back l’manberg to helping wilbur blow up the whole place and teaming with schlatt. and so came the final battle of pogtopia and manberg, there were no winners that day but there was hope. they survived, and tommy would get his disks back from dream.
and then came exile. nothing would ever be the same for them. dream wanted tommy all to himself, and if that meant he had to cut off his contact with everyone else and quite literally beat it into his head that he is tommy's only friend? well.. some sacrifices have to be made. he'll come around eventually... and he did! but then dream pushed him too far and he ran away.
tommy was under technoblade's protection for a while, but dream couldnt afford to waste his favour on that. so he waited, and he planned. their alliance was short-lived anyway, as soon as tommy realised what he truly cared about it was over. naturally, he was going to side with the blood god himself. i mean, what better way to rub his victory into tommy’s face. his expression was priceless! this kid is just too much fun.
and he'll roam free for now, until their final battle. he'll get rid of that pest called tubbo and he can finally put tommy somewhere he cant escape from :)
but then punz shows up and drags the rest of the server with him. betrayed. and tommy has the upper hand now- except. he has also secret card up his sleeve. the revive book. tommy wont get rid of him if he can potentially bring back his beloved brother.
and while dream is stuck rotting in prison, tommy starts healing. he gets better. but.. its so weird without dream. so why not visit him! to rub his victory in his face and show how much better everything is without him. how much better he's doing. he's here to rub it in his face and not because he still feels so lonely and dream is his friend and please god why wont someone love me- and the hotel is going great, he's inviting people and healing and noone comes except for the people trying to kill him but he's still friends with tubbo even if they're drifting apart and he has ranboo and why am i being replaced what did i do wrong and he goes to visit dream for the final time, its really time to put an end to this.
and then there's explosions. muffled through the obsidian walls surrounded in lava. the inescapable, unbreakable, impenetrable prison is being blown up. and dream is laughing. and dream is not surprised. and tommy is stuck with dream, because sam wont let him out its protocol and he’s stuck with dream and itll be just like exile tommy.
but he manages to survive, he cant breathe and the walls are closing in and he just wishes someone would come save him at least this one time but nobody comes. and dream is talking of partnership and running away together but there is no "us", tommy's going to get out of here and dream will die sad and alone and i bet the revive book isnt even real- and then he's screaming for help but it comes too late. he's being ripped apart and all he knows is pain and void and oh god its wilbur again. he exists in this darkness for 2 months before getting dragged back to life by the devil himself.
and there will be no more normal ever again. even the slightest pain reminds him of dying and limbo and wilbur and we can be immortal together tommy! and oh my god he has to kill dream no one should have that much power and wilbur cant come back-
and of course wilbur comes back. because he fucked up. tommy fucked up and now sam is angry, and tubbo and ranboo are angry and ghostbur is dead and wilbur is back and dream is alive rotting in that prison and why cant i just have peace for one moment what did i do to deserve this
and then his brother proclaims dream a hero. and why would he say that he knows what he did to me why would he say that
and so dream waits for wilbur to come. he knows he'll visit, he's indebted to him, he will be SO grateful for bringing him back. and if he can control wilbur then he can control tommy. and they can be friends again.
and maybe its time tommy accepted he cant run away from dream. for as long as he’s alive they are destined to be together. after all, he is tommy's friend. the one constant throughout this whole story. they have too much fun together. he was the one person who was there when no one else was. and no matter how much he hates it, somewhere deep down he still cares about dream and it makes him feel sick. but once tommy has love for you in his heart he can never really let go of it, no matter how much you might hate him or hurt him, he will still love you, remembering the good times, the fun times. and that's all dream wants doesn't he? he just wants to have fun.
(sorry this was so long idk what came over me also my thought process in the tags)
#lmao sorry this is so long and rambly#i started off wanting to explain smth but i basically ended up writing a fanfic#this is supposed to be messy btw#ITS MENTAL ILLNESS INNIT#their dynamic is just so interesting because of how it descended into this unhealthy obsession dream has with tommy and what he did to him#but he genuinely cares for him but in this.. sick and twisted way#and we know how tommy is with those he cares about. he never really stops caring#and he forgives#even if hes pissed off#its a tragic dynamic and its so interesting#it all falls apart so terribly#so dont seperate these two characters and stories because they are vital to each others development and story progression#just. so interesting#and horrifying#this was fun to write even if im shit at writing#long post#tommyinnit#dream smp#dreamwastaken#c!tommy#c!dream#c!dream critical#this isnt rlly critical but i dont want the apologists to come after me because i dont woobify dream lmao
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꒦꒷ִֶָ· . the obey me characters preferred nicknames (as well as their reactions because i cant stay on topic)
warnings: none !!
fandom: Obey Me!
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ᜊʕ っ◞ ˕ ◟c ʔ.. ♡︎ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠: ayee im,, not dead ^^; im soso sorry for not posting- havent had much motivation to write latley,, as you can probably tell !! so again,, sorry !! but have these,, kinda shitty headcanons ~ !! <3
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𝙻𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛:
- hes really old fashioned with pet names
- will automatically call you "Darling",, no i dont take criticism
- as the relationship progresses hell call you more,, such as sweetheart,, doll,, mine,, pos s i b l y babydoll though im a bit iffy on that one
- hes just a sucker for nicknames like those,, the old sappy ones,, and god the way he says it fits perfectly,, just the slight accent he puts into it is,, mWAH
- as for him,, he doesnt have any preffered nicknames,, but something about the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth
- god he loves it so much
- though besides his name his favorite would probably be darling/my love
- it seems so intimate and he loves how hes the only one you call that,, nobody else
𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗:
- weve seen what this man calles MC,, his human,, he likes most nicknames as long as theres "my" in front of it
- though the ones he called you most are stupid,, idiot,, dummy,, you can see the pattern
- while that i s how he expresses his love,, if he sees its bothering you even the slightest bit hell stop right away
- hes pretty rough with affection,, but he wILL call you doll,, no doubt about it
- and the way it soUN D S AAA it sounds so pretty and god its just,, wow
- when it comes to calling HIM nicknames,, he loves being called baby (or baby boy,, but hell never admit to that one)
- no matter how long you two have been together hell get extremely blushy n flustered whenever you call him that,, hell tell you to shut up,, spoiler alert he doesnt want you to
- please keep calling him that he loves it akdhsk
𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒:
- hes extremely akward with it at first,, and youll probably have to bring it up first
- i feel like hell call you his "irl waifu" alot,, or hell call you his "henry"
- though in the private of his or your room,, hell call you really sappy names like princess,, baby,, or anything with "my" in front of it,, though he only really calls you baby when youre teasing him
- hell stretch out the "y" n say it in a really whiny voice aA
- the first time he called you princess was one night,, after staying up for days on end,, he finally crashed,, he was close to passing out while leaning against you
- though before he fell asleep you heard him whisper a soft "night princess" AND OH MY GOD AKDHSK
- switching to him now,, he loves it when you call him handsome,, or your prince
- every time itll make his heart soar and hell turn into a fumbling blushy mess,, like mammon he wILL call you stupid,, and tell you to shut up
- once agAIN DONT- DONT SHUT UP HE LOVES IT
- theres been many occasions where hes accidentally called you a really cheesy cutsey nickname in front of mammon,, and god he never lets it go
- hell tease levi endlessly,, mocking him in a wierd voice that you assume was supposed to be levis..?
- but no matter how much he gets teased for it,, he loves being called pet names
𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚗:
-hell definitely call you kitty,,, doesn’t matter where,, in the bedroom,, in front of his brothers,, even in the presence of Lord Diavolo himself
- he thinks it fits !! seeing as he likes cats,,, and likes you even more,, what better than to call you his kitty??
- I feel like he’s also the type of person to call you baby,, but in a really deep n fancy voice,, fancy?? I think that’s right AKDHSK
- but he loves your reactions,, no matter if it’s getting extremely flustered,, or you doing it right back to him !!
- the first time Lucifer heard him call you kitty,, mans spit out his drink- he was,, surprised to say the least??
- after that it just pissed him off,, so aye another reason to keep calling you his kitty !!
- he enjoys any nicknames,, though if you call him master- WOOH lemme just say this man will go feral aA he loves it,, he’ll get flustered if it’s in a public setting though- he’s all for calling you embarrassing nicknames but when you flip it around all of a sudden he’s against it 😞
- (just saying,, thats a lie- he loves it when you call him that in public akdhdk he likes people knowing he’s yours as much as you’re his !!
𝙰𝚜𝚖𝚘:
-he calls you baby,, precious,, cutie,, all tho s e akdhsk
- hell do it in a real,y high pitched,, almost baby voice n it’s sweet at first,, but gets annoying when he wONT SHUT UP
- if he knows it annoys you,, no he won’t stop,, he’ll do the opposite in fact,, he’ll do it even more !!
- if you start getting “angry” he’ll drape himself over you n try to kiss you while saying “you know you love meeee” drawing out the e
- when he does that the others swear he drunk,, actually drunk?? no,, love drunk?? yes,, yes very much
- he loves you,, and he’s not gonna stop showing you exactly how much he loves you !!
- now that’s what he calls you,, but ypu calling hIM nicknames ><
- he lOVES LO V E S it when you call him things like "pretty boy" "cutie" "handsome"
- they just make his heart flutter,,, and though he may get those all the time,, them coming from you just makes it an absolute gift
- hell often retort back with one of your nicknames
- "what are ya doing handsome??"
- "nothing really cutie~ i was planning on going to this new salon that opened up though,, would you like to come?"
- something about you calling him nicknames just,, mwah !!
- he also loves when you call his personality pretty,, or compliment his personality/traits,, hes used to compliments about his physical body,, but hi m and what he can actually do makes his heart flutter,, and hed actually get somewhat flustered !!
𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚕:
- He definitley calls you sth food related,, his creampuff,, dumpling,, honey,, sweetheart,, just really sweet n nice nicknames,,, he loves the way it sounds when he talks to you
- the first time he called you that was in the kitchen,, he had heard satan talking about these things that were common in relationships called "pet names"
- so you walked into the kitchen one night n it was the first thing that came to his mine
- "hey there creampuff,,"
- wh a t
- you had to do a double take,, but,, after a few seconds you answered
- "is something wrong??" please he thought he made you uncomfy,, or satan was wrong,,,
- "no !! i just,,, wansnt expecting that from you"
- hell call you nicknames ALOT
- first thing in the morning,, randomly in the hallway,, just anytime hes able to hell call you nicknames,, its gone to the point where hell rarley call you by your actual name
- he loves it when you call him "my man",, "baby",, "sweetheart",, but his favorite would have to be "my love"
- nicknames with "my" in them make his heart flutter
- the first time you called him a nickname he froze up and got all blushy
- he didnt at all exepect that,, and you sounded so casual??? what???
- he pulled you over you him,, wrapped his arms around you,, and rested his head on top of yours
- he didnt let go for,, quite a while
𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚎:
- belphie isnt actually one for nicknames,,, he doesnt think it makes any sense,, why should he call you anything other than your name??
- though if you ask,, or it comes up at all that you want him to call you something,, hell do it without hesitation- aksjak
- he calls you sleepyhead. No i dont take criticism- it doesnt matter if you nap as much as him or not hes calling you sleepyhead
- i feel like he also might call you his light,, or his sunshine,, just because of how he met you,,, n how at some points you seem like the only good thing in his life at that moment,,,
- "i love you, my light,, more than i could ever tell you."
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD PLEASE AKSJAJS
- as for you calling him nicknames,, he could really care less,, as long as its from you he loves it
- one of his favorites is "my moon" you just,, came up with it one day,, and he stuck with it,, and its gotten to the point where hell barley answer to his own name,, which can get him in a bit of trouble
- "belphie !! get yer ass up and help me with this !!"
- "belphie."
-"BELPHIE!!"
- "hm? Oh were you saying something?"
- "yes i called your name like a hundred times or somethin !!"
- sometimes he just doesnt answer you when you call him by his name,, and hell wait and stare at you until you until you call him by his nickname
𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 🏷️:
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#obey me x reader#mammon x reader#lucifer x reader#levi x reader#satan x reader#asmodeus x reader#beelzebub x reader#belphegor x reader#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me levi#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor
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i think i want you (to leave)
Summary: We’re all running from something. Sometimes, metaphorically. Sometimes, literally. Literally running, from the very strangely hypnotizing supervillain that seems hellbent on ruining every bit of your life he can get all eight of his limbs on.
Pairing: Doc Ock X Reader/ Otto Octavius X Reader
Content: Slow Burn, NSFW eventually, 18+, Female Reader
(A/N: so this chapter is a little more exposition and less things-happening. it's really just so i didnt want to have a massive chapter, so i split it into two. its mostly just bridging the time between last chapter and chapter four. itll pick up again soon i promise :) )
AO3 link here.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
bad luck// former vandal
The next day brings a new set of challenges, as is your life.
You’re awoken just before 8 freaking am to the sound of your phone blaring it’s ringtone from your nightstand. Groaning, you pull your pillow over your head until it stops. You think you’re in the clear and almost manage to drift back into oblivion before the telltale Ping! of an incoming voicemail rings clear as the autumn sunlight trickling through your window, inviting you to remain conscious. Already scowling, you sit up and snatch your phone up, yanking it off the charger. Huh. Work. That was… highly unusual. Maybe they want you to come in on your day off? They have never called you before and you start rehearsing some excuses in your head about why you might not be able to cover a shift, should that be why they’re reaching out. Not that you really plan on calling back.
You hold the receiver up to your ear as the message plays back. Your heart sinks into your stomach instantly.
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Morning now expeditiously ruined, you know you won’t be falling back asleep any time soon, so you resign yourself to getting up. The routine feels a little more empty, but all the same you shove your feet into your soft, fuzzy animal-shaped slippers and shamble into the kitchen with all the downtrodden misery of a cliché dark cloud of depression following you. And also your dog, who patiently waits for his breakfast and morning potty outing. First and foremost- coffee. You get the machine brewing up your favorite local dark roast, fresh from a darling little shop in the Bronx, in the heart of Little Italy. The smell wafts through the air and lifts your spirits enough to feel prepared to take Chekov out and deliver a scoop of food to his metal bowl on the kitchen tile.
Once you come back inside from the puppy potty episode, you’re drawn to the coffee maker like a magnet and pour yourself a generous cup into your favorite little mug along with a splash of your favorite oat milk creamer- you were a sucker for the shit, as pretentious as it made you feel sometimes. You’re sure they must make it with crack, to keep you buying it again and again.
With the sun came a beautiful day. The rain from last night gave way to clear skies and a clean, earthy scent of wet concrete and leaves. You open a few windows to try to get some of the good weather vibes working through your apartment. It doesn’t work, you still feel crummy, but you can appreciate a nice day regardless. Your gaze automatically gravitates back to the rooftops as you sip your still-piping-hot coffee.
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The previous night feels like a dream. A nightmare. And as the day progresses, you become less and less sure that it actually happened. You wish you could just as easily forget about this morning as well, but it lingers like a clingy one-night stand that doesn’t know they really don’t need to stay to make breakfast and then they just don’t take the hint to fucking leave. Not that it’s ever happened to you. Haha.
Frowning into your Chinese take-out, you can’t believe that even deliciously fried tofu can’t make you feel better. You couldn’t even be assed to go pick it up yourself- you got it delivered and you hate paying delivery fees if you can just walk a couple blocks to grab something in person and save a few bucks. Packing up the barely touched food, you shove it into the fridge and slam the door shut, hand lingering on the steel handle. You sigh and hang your head.
On top of everything, it’s Wednesday. And Wednesday is rapidly coming to a close, as the clock on the stove displays the time of 9:30 pm.
Once again, the worst part of living in New York is the parking situation. Not all streets are the same, but in many residential ones, such as yours, the sides of the one-way roads are specified as followed:
NO PARKING TUESDAY/THURSDAY
and the opposite side
NO PARKING MONDAY/WEDNESDAY.
You knew yesterday that you would have to move your car before Thursday morning, but the entire day was thrown off-kilter and you had forgotten until just now. The events of last night feel hazy, but they cycle through your mind anyway. Properly rattled at the thought of schlepping all the way back down to your car by yourself, you hook Chekov up in his little walking harness. He’s the furthest thing from a guard dog, but you think maybe it could deter some trouble at the sight of him. Your hopes aren’t really that high.
Keys in hand, you lock up on the way out and take off down the narrow, winding staircase. It isn’t until you’ve covered a bit of ground (a block or two at least) that you consider maybe you should have brought your phone. Shaking off the strange feeling you have, you pull your sweatshirt hood up over your head, chalking it all up to the chilly night. Doesn’t make sense, logically, but you’re not the most logical person.
Still decked out in the same pajamas you’ve been wearing all day, straight down to the fluffy slippers, the two of you must cut quite the figure, you think in amusement. The only upgrade you’ve made is to slip on a cozy hoodie over your t-shirt; you weren’t wearing a bra and the last thing you need is That kind of attention. You know 99% of anyone who might see you won’t look twice- New Yorkers have much odder things than a girl in PJ’s to ignore during their public outings so you don’t feel too weird about not changing into something more practical. You’re only going to be out for a few minutes anyway.
You’ve crossed a few blocks and start to slow down. “I know I parked… somewhere over here…” You breathe to yourself, squinting ahead to try to recognize your car.
Unfortunately, you’re pretty sure you see it. For the second time that day, your stomach twists into knots and anxiety fills your chest cavity. Your hand feels sweaty around your grip on Chekov’s leash despite the crisp breeze. There’s a large silhouette leaning against the trunk of your car, shrouded in a dark get up that makes it hard to identify their features. You know it’s your car because the stupid Fuck The Police sticker stares at you from the side of the bumper closest to the curb.
More like Fuck Your Life, you think despairingly to yourself.
#otto octavius x reader#doc ock x reader#fanfiction#otto octavius#doc ock#i might upload ch 4 earlier than next wedneday tbh just bc this one is so light#idk yet aha
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Could you write how the killers would react to their s/o learning to play electric guitar? But theres a twist, they use headphones instead of playing it loud through the amp so only they can hear it. ( and yes you can play that way, you just have to plug your headphones into the amp) Literally no one has actually heard them play, not even their killer boyfriend. S/o is just to embarrassed that itll sound bad or that theyll make even the slightest mistake.
hello love!! sorry for getting to this so late, i only just saw it in my ask box. i haven’t been getting notifs from tumblr for some reason :/ also did my fav slasher boys atm since you didn’t request anyone in specific, hope that’s okay 🤍i hope you enjoy!
SLASHERS REACTION TO S/O WHO PLAYS ELECTRIC GUITAR, BUT IS INSECURE OF THEIR SKILL
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POLY! GHOSTFACE (BILLY LOOMIS & STU MACHER)
at first, they didn’t even know you owned any kind of instrument
they just so happened to find the electric guitar in the corner of your room when you invited them over
they’re both in awe
“babe! you didn’t tell us you played!”
“can you play for us?!”
you kinda have to explain to them that you’re only just learning to play
they’ll still insist you play for them, they wanna hear your progress
you tell them no, but it’s only because you think you don’t play too well
they’ll understand, and stop bugging you about it
or at least that’s what you think
they ALWAYS try to catch you and hear you playing
they’ll pretend their leaving and then stick around, hiding behind a wall or something
they’re excited when they see you pick up the guitar, then quickly hide themselves again
but after a few minutes they hear no noise, no playing
it’s when the realize you have headphones plugged into the amp
stu’s for sure gonna pout about it, and give away their position where they were hiding.
then you have to explain to them that you’re scared of making a mistake, that you’d rather have your headphones plugged in because if you slipped in the slightest you’d be embarrassed
billy will insist that they don’t care how you play, and they would never make fun of you or anything
he really wants to hear you play </3
you make them a deal, though
“i’ll let you watch me play and maybe we can progress from that into hearing me play.”
both nod eagerly
be careful with stu, though
the dork will try several times to unplug the headphones from the amp while you’re caught up in playing
sometimes billy will stop him, sometimes he won’t
so always be alert!
if you do eventually let them hear you play, they’ll cheer you on big time
“NO ONE PLAYS THE ELECTRIC GUITAR LIKE MY S/O DOES!”
they think you’re so cool
teach them how to play!! they’ll be the happiest boys alive!!
MICHAEL MYERS
he’ll act like he doesn’t care at all
but in reality it does spike his interest
he’s curious, wants to know more
will never admit that
but you’ll catch him staring at the guitar on more than one occasions
he stares at you as whenever you pick up the guitar to do anything with it
it’s impressive to him, actually
but gets confused when you plug headphones into the amp
it was made for blasting the music made from your guitar, no?
will most definitely unplug it
don’t tell him not to, it won’t help
michael does what he wants
doesnt take orders from anyone but himself!
plugs the headphones back in
he’s not a complete asshole
at least not when it comes to you
you better be okay with him staring at you as you play, though
that’s exactly what he’s doing
eventually finds out you do it because you’re scared of messing up even slightly
probably doesn’t give a flying fuck
he wants to hear you play and if you mess up well so be it
it is intimidating, though.
i mean, he’s got a blank expression on the whole time he watches you
you can’t really tell if he likes it or not
he does
at first you might not think he does, he acts like he doesn’t care
you’ll know he does when he picks up the guitar and hands it to you out of the blue
will do this more often than you think
but hey, it’s good practice for you
JASON VOORHEES
he thinks your so cool!!!
will sit and watch you practice and play around with chords
he’s curious, might even want to learn himself
eventually settles on just watching you though
he’s a little busy with handling people who trespass to have any free time to learn
admires you while you practice
every time he sees you pick up the guitar he stops and watches
questions the headphones plugged into the amp
you explain to him how you plug them in so that only you can hear your playing, since you aren’t confident in your skills
he’s understand, and nods along
though he doesn’t know why you wouldn’t be confident
he thinks you’re good at everything
sweet sweet boy
wants to hear you play so!! bad!!
but will not force you to let him hear
will silently clap after you’re done playing even if he couldn’t hear it
I COULD CRY HES SO SWEET
will gradually try and gain enough trust from you so that you’d let him hear you play comfortably
he can’t talk, but he assures you in every way that he can that he’s 101% sure that you are the best at playing electric guitar
if you do let him hear you play eventually
he’ll be over the moon
loves to hear you play
it’s so exciting and good to him
honestly wouldn’t even notice if you mess up
he’s way too lost in the music you’re making at the moment
so don’t ever worry about him not enjoying it
he’ll always enjoy it
might even gain up the courage to try it himself
only if you teach him of course.
BRAHMS HEELSHIRE
bratty boy
if he’s interested, no one can talk him out of his curiosity and he’s gonna wanna hear you play
better to keep this guitar hidden from him if you don’t wanna play in front of him
but that’s almost impossible
he’ll find it eventually
if not on purpose, then accidentally
and he’ll question you about it
of course you kinda have to admit that you’re learning
and he will ask to hear it
his eyes are pleading, but you don’t give in
tantrum time
he’ll throw a fit for a good hour
stops sooner or later
he comes back to apologize
this doesn’t mean he still won’t try to hear you play
much like stu, he’ll attempt to unplug the headphones while you’re playing
pouts when you immediately stop playing
will even go as far as hiding your headphones from you
“your headphones? gone? goodness, where could they have gone? oh, well! guess you’ve gotta play without them!”
you give him a glare and he huffs, going to rest retreat the stolen headphones from the walls
you could try to explain why you use them, but he’s like a toddler
what he wants, he wants.
“if i’m good and don’t throw any tantrums will you let me listen?”
take up this offer!
if you do, he’ll be ecstatic
he thinks it’s so amazing that you can play
it’s not like any classical instrument that he’s always heard
it’s new and refreshing and he loves it
be prepared to play for him most of time
he’ll even insist you play him a lullaby at bedtime
sure, why not, brahms
#slasher x reader#slashers#slashers fandom#friday the thirteenth#ghostface#ghostface x reader#jason voorhees#jason vorhees x reader#michael myers x reader#halloween#brahms heelsire x reader#the boy#x reader#poly ghostface#rz michael myers
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One day, hop told leon about his feelings towards victor. leon was surprised and laughed, teasing his little brother about being in love at his own best friend, of course,leon still support him,but lets be honest older brother will bully no matter what.
often times,leon teases hop by text,poking fun at him because hop is head over heels on victor, not to mention hop pratically screams on his text whenever he text leon about victor.
leon ofcourse,tells this to raihan,raihan laughed and smiled.
Leon stared for abit,laughed awkwardly and the realization hits.
leon called hop that he...likes raihan,hop laughed hysterically,and of course mocks leon in return, and oh boy,leons lovesick case is way worse than hop.
hop had the courage to ask victor for lunch and is still brave enough to talk to him. leon? leon is hopeless,despite being a tactical genius,an ex-champion and the CEO & chairman of the battle tower, he just doesnt know how,and raihan getting more handsome each day doesnt help either.
well leon doesnt go awkward,and run away whenever raihan goes near,he just doesnt make any move. compared to hop,who already hold hands with victor,and cooked him curry with a heart shapped sausage in the middle.
raihan and leon saying “i love you bro,no homo” everyday doesnt help either,whenever leon tries say that he loved raihan,raihan laughed and replied back with “i love you too champ,no homo” he has the need to say “but i love you with full homo” but of course he didnt.
time pass by,and after months off woo-ing victor,hop tries to confess to the current champion and victor accepted the confession! now theyre boyfriends hip hip horray! hop calls leon about it and leon is very proud,hop asked leon about his progression with raihan and leon shrugged and replied with “still the same hopscotch” with a heavy sigh in the end.
one day,hop suddenly felt the urge to ask raihan how he feels about leon, and so,he goes to hammerlocke, but he doesnt go straight with “hey raihan,do you like leon? because leon does and he probably wants to marry you and make babies with you” nu-uh, hes going to ask raihan about dragon type pokemon first (saying its a part of his studies) THEN leon.
after hours and hours of discussing about dragons,and hop trying to shift the conversation slowly to leon, he finally asked the question “hey raihan,what do you think of leon? leon talked alot about you,and i wonder about your thoughts about him yknow” raihan stared at hop,looks away,stared at hop again,and he replied with “hes..good and all- i guess” a cough “what did leon said about me? i mean if he mocks me and all,id tell you about the bad stuff,but if he...says good things then,ill tell you the good things,so itll be balanced”
hop stares at raihan,smirked and tells raihan most of it.
that leon is grateful having raihan as his rival, and best friend,because he is reliable in any kind of circumstances, considerate, gentle and patient,especially because leon is a klutz sometimes,raihan never gets angry at him and helped him instead,raihan is also very supportive,yet tries to slow down leon if hes planning something impulsive, and despite his narcistic persona, raihan is humble and polite.
raihan looks down for a sec, pulls his bandana down, (to wipe his tears) and then finally raihan goes on with his opinion on leon
(hop secretly records this because he cant help it,hes tired of his big ol’ brother’s pinning)
raihan is also,very grateful having leon as his rival and best friend,he never spreads negative energy despite always being sorrounded by it,caring,affectionate,a great listener because raihan rants alot,leon also give actual good advices and constructive criticism.a good emotional support too,despite raihans thirst for attention,leon never judged him for it.
hop agrees, and is glad that both cares about each other. and after that he thanked raihan and left,but before he does, raihan asked hop why did hop ask his opinion on leon. hop shrugged and said “leon is just,very glad to have you on his life, and want you to be forever his,okay see you later, raihan!” and hopped on the flying taxi. raihan cant believe he heard that.
leon want him to be...forever his? his what??
hop arrived home,and sent leon the stuff he recorded,told leon that hop says the word,and yells at leon to confess already.
leon listened to the recording,expecting something bad but..he didnt. his love for raihan grows wider and his urge to marry date raihan at this point has grown larger than ever.
he finally had the bravery to ask raihan to hang out with him,and maybe,just maybe talk about his feelings.
he texted raihan if hes free on weekends,so that they can hang out on leons apartment, raihan said yes and probably gonna be there at friday so he can sleepover,leon gladly agrees because whats more romantic than confessing your feeling to your best friend on your bed?
the day has come,they spend some time together,heck even had a baby pokemon fight on leons balconny (both just hatched a baby trapinch and a baby axew,of course theyre gonna make them fight) watched the sunset together,platonically,definitely 0 sexual tension.
they showered (sadly not together),had dinner,played with their baby pokemons until it got tired and sleeps, and its finally their turn to sleep.
both got comfortable on the bed,and leon starts the conversation
“so...hop told me about what you think about me” leon paused for a second to see raihans reaction,raihan just stared at him,waiting for him to continue, “thank you..it... it meant alot coming from you”
raihan just shot an awkward yourewelcome,followed by a very uncomfortable silent.
leon jolted up “raihan,if you want to leave then leave but- but please dont leave me completely because youre 1 of the biggest part of my life,and you,leaving completely would ruin me” leon is in verge of tears. raihan slowly got up,tries to soothe leon that he wont leave no matter what leon will say, leon sighed,and continues “dont try to slow me down for this plan” he glared at raihan like how he does when he battles “raihan i- i like you,like,like like you,love you,full homo,i dont know for how long but im pretty sure its there for along time,because- when the realization hits, it hits hard, it doesnt feel like a giddy puppy love feeling,its something more serious and if you got disgusted i-”
“theres no way im disgusted” raihan cut leon off,grab leons shoulder, “because i like you too,but im too scared to move because throwing 14 years of friendship is not wise at all” leon chuckled and replies “i guess it is huh”
leon tackled raihan,hugging him tight,raihan hugged him back,not wanting to let go. after at least 20 minutes of nonstop hugging,raihan lets go,but leon wont let him,pressing his face on raihans chest. raihan kissed leon on top of his head, “so what are now?” raihan asked,leon looks up “rivals?- wait, um” a pause “..boyfriends? please?”, raihan stared at leon,eyes filled with adoration “boyfriend it is,we already had dinner and played with our kids before so, i guess no date is needed,we are already official before we realize” leon laughed at the respond,let go of the hug,sat on top of raihan,cupped his cheek,peck raihans lip and hid his face next to raihans head. raihan rolled,making him on top of leon. and kissed his boyfriend properly.
after tons of smooches and hugs, they finally go to sleep. raihan sleeping on top of leons tits.
its supposed to be a short headcanon,but i didnt stop. sorry if its messy and all,i didnt plan it to be this long but im hoping that you enjoy this,thank you for reading till the end!
-kize
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you know how in a relationship, communication is key? well everyone communicates differently; different love language, anger management, sadness outlets, bad habits, ways of telling u theyre upset.
you have to learn how to love everyone you meet, not just expect it to HAPPEN; thats why in the beggining, after your honeymoon phase, you SHOULD be fighting. dont be surprised. ur right on track. youre getting comfortable, thats good. youre starting to let the other person affect you, thats good. youre not falling out of love, youre even more in love, that you probably dont know how to be around each other.
im writing this to talk about how im oh-so exhausted of trying to understand blue. and if this develops, itll stay that way: me, trying to learn how to love him, and trying to teach him how to love me. ill be exhausted, and itll wear me out, and hell stop making me happy. im glad i realized this now, and not when its developed... that is if it ever does...
if November 9 by Colleen Hoover taught me anything, its that love can grow in the most unexpected of places, it can even take 6 whole years. im always worrying ab the slowness of the progression of "us" because i cant go one second without thinking about him. so i want him every second. but in the bigger picture, its not that slow. especially consideirng we arent fucking friends. yet? i hope. i have hope that this can still happen.. its not slow.
anyway, things went too fast for my first time, and we were too young, so it all fell apart. a classic story of "right person, wrong time". it makes me wanna scream- no, thats an understatement- makes me wanna rip my heart out and feed it to a toad, so that it dies a slow death.
TL;DR: I hope the person i fall in love with is someone who teaches me how they wanna be loved, and tries to love me best they can. because if udw learn to love me, i wont be able to teach u. and if u wont teach me how to love u, i wont be able to learn. and we wont be able to stay in love.
"in love" holy shit. the number of things that that can mean... to be in love. "im in love" "were in love" can u even imagine? i cant imagine it. i hope its as perfect as ive imagined it. maybe my expectations are too high. i think thats whats gonna break me and blue... my high expectations, and his expectance of my failure bc i failed him before.
tbh, if i know what to look out for, then it shouldnt be hard. we can fix it. we can perfect it. we can be a movie. love is always enough if the effort is mutual. imagine being in love but not being together? just because you cant move past your differences? youll always be waiting for the other person to come back, its impossible to move on like that. like lorelai and christopher. like ross and rachel. like in the notebook. my heart aches for these love stories.
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PLEASE my classes are starting next week and I won't have much time to grind <//3 so im playing whenever I can to make as much progress as possible before my classes start ;;
UHM, the ones on my new team atm is hu tao as main dps, kaeya as burst support, mona as support and bennett as a healer and atk booster :D it used to be xingqiu in mona's place but mona came home and her ult is really good for hu tao ult one shots hsghmd
AND team resonance is like bonuses for your team, just like how artifacts have 2pc bonuses and 4pc bonuses, hu tao's team has pyro resonance which gives an 18% atk boost :D pyro resonance is really helpful
hHHH I wanted venti TT but instead I got a razor and a c2 benny but im not complaining bcuz ive been wanting bennett, still surprised that I survived until ar52 without bennett nghwjjh
bro I hope you get better! and I wish you good luck on your midterms as well !! but hhHhhHH I really hope that your sickness goes shoo shoo soon ;;
OOOO my favorite npc is Katheryne hghdkh I see her everyday and I think I just became attached BUT my second favorite is herbalist gui in Liyue! do I even have to give a reason, herbalist gui is so sweet <33
OH AND what server do you play on? :O maybe we can play sometime when you're not too busy bcuz hgvhasgd I want more genshin buddies ;; but im too socially awkward to join random peoples worlds ( I play on both na and asia btw if you wanted to know ! although my na is sort of abandoned atm now that im hyperfocused on hu tao in asia )
➤ with even more long rambles, 🐚 anon <3
yk I can just keep typing and typing abt genshin for hours but I won't do that bcuz it will be too long HBVHMGX
gl for ur classes!! irl school starts for me next month and i'm terrified since i'm new and know no one,,, also ive finished literally nothing LMAO
omg thats a good team!!! elemental reactions seem useful. i've never built a team with lots of them bc i have two anemos and a geo aside from kaeya 😭 hopefully i can change that with beidou <333
i have a c1 mona from the standard banner and i have no clue how she works so i never built her 😭 i used her for a bit though to freeze stuff bc dodging is overated amiright
razor is a sweetie i want to build him too but he'd need a whole team to work with him and i do not have the resources for that,,, also beidou is an electro claymore too and i wanna build different kinds of characters 😤 i got bennett very recently!! i didnt even have enough stuff to ascend him at lvl 20 bc i used all my pyro vines on diluc- but itll be nice to have a pyro healer once i get around to building him 😌
aaAAa i hope my midterms are easy T^T its been a long time since ive written a proper test so im concerned but i try not to think too much about it hah
ooo ive never interacted with gui before :0 and yes katheryne is so sweet, even if i cut her off at ad as- everyday
my fav npc is tepei from inazuma!! idk why im so attached he was in the archon quest for like two scenes,,, HES SO SWEET THO
i play on na!! i dont have a lot of genshin buddies too and everytime i join a random persons world and become friends with them something bad happens so i stopped LOL pls do dm me ur uid tho id love to play with u!!
#; nymph chatter#🐚 ; fairy circle#we really talk in essays#i love it <33#UR SO FUN TO TALK TO ramble as much as youd like im no better
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