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obscurebelief · 2 years

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To the Death! (Stranger Things!Aurelius AU)

Warning/Notes: Fight scene, blood, violence, anti-jason (not in rp centric, just fic centric I promise), terrible grammar, hospital mention,

Summary: Aurelius Dumbledore, once a wizard of the 1920/30s that had been Grindelwald's Acolyte, now lives in 80s Hawkins thanks to a possible magic time spell gone wrong. He is thrown into the sudden murders and seeks to find and put a stop to the one that is causing them, not knowing that he had interfered with something only a few in this strange town know of. The Upside Down and it's monsters.

ao3

It had been nearly a year since the boy had appeared in Hawkins through what he can only assume was a very strange time loop. He was nearly sixty years into the future, going from the early 30s to the late 80s was quite a trip.

But here, no one knew him. No one saw a Dumbledore or a Barebone as something great. He was just Aurelius, just a boy, attending Hawkins High School and soon to be a senior. His age was almost younger than before as well. He was unsure and at some point, he had stopped questioning it. He was soon to be eighteen according to the new identification he had made almost to perfectly. Easy tricks to fit in.. while at the same time, was as much an outcast as Eddie Munson was and the Hellfire Club.

For he didn’t hide really what he was. The tiny brained non-magic losers could call him a devil worshipper or evil all they wanted. It was them that got angry black birds suddenly chasing them home, or their fresh food going bad within hours of getting it. He was petty, and clearly, they didn’t learn. But, Aurelius had his fun messing with them. And it was his sort of middle finger to the Statute of Secrecy that had screwed him over in the Wizarding World.

But he digressed. He could take out all his frustration on any bully, and while he enjoyed their pain, he was very much alone. Dark long and silky hair, pale skin that was smooth, dark eyes, dark clothing that probably made him look like some vampire or witch.

Eyes watched Eddie while not drawing attention to himself as the other yelled about something with conforming to society. Gaining the attention of Jason who made that comment… that word that Aurelius hated so much. Freak. He hated that word, hated any that called anyone else that. But Eddie seemed to shrug it off or be proud of the word.

He returned to his lunch that was untouched. His own thoughts were elsewhere. His phoenix was outside the school, lingering in the woods.

It was strangely like this all the time. The same old days, classes, lunch, home. Repeat. He would be done soon. Why was he even here? Boredom maybe. He could probably just drop out and be fine. But at the same time, there was interesting things here to learn that Mary Lou never taught him or his sisters. Probably because it would’ve turned him away from her horrible cause that seems to be trying to make a return if what Eddie was reading had been true. Yes, Aurelius sort of listens in on conversations that interest him.. not that the very interesting outsider and leader of Hellfire didn’t get his attention the first time he’d seen the other.

Weeks would go by, and suddenly that same guy he saw as an interesting guy was wanted for murder because of finding someone dead in his trailer?

Aurelius had to inspect the scene himself. And grimaced and believed that this town was so stupid that it made the most idiotic of trolls seem like a genius. There was no way any human could do this. Eddie was not around and hadn’t been found. Smart guy if he was honest.

Inspecting the images was horrific. It was not some human that was for sure. Surely no one could do something like that without attracting someone to the screams. But there was no screaming besides possibly the guy’s… no, she would’ve been in agony. Someone would’ve heard.

“None of that adds up” He added out of the blue, having went into the crime scene and was staring at the people that were inspecting. He was shooed out hastily and was gone before he could draw more attention.

“No, it isn’t a human. It is from my world… but to be that sadistic.” He lowers his gaze. He didn’t know the girl, but also knew that she didn’t deserve that. And whoever was behind it is using an easy target. “So much for staying out of people’s business.” He walks into the woods, disappearing into the trees that concealed him, hid him away to help him feel alone and happy again. His phoenix flying down and landing on his shoulder, much to his little groan of protest, “you’re big you know. Can you look for Mr. Munson for me, the younger one? Long hair like me… louder than me? If you find him, stay with him but keep out of sight.”

A questioning coo came from his bird who hopped off his shoulder and landed on a fallen tree log, “he’s being blame for something I think one of my own did.” Another chirp, “I know I should stay out of this, but something isn’t adding up. If he is with someone, anyone that he trusts, you may return if you want.”

There was silence between them before his bird took flight and vanished over the trees on the search for Eddie. “… I’ve gone soft for these no-maj.” He mutters to himself. He resumed his walk through the woods. Passing the bench in the woods behind the high school and walking into an opening where he passed through and what had been only trees and wooded area was now a cottage that was Aurelius’ home. A garden outside, a porch with two chairs and a table. Inside was warm due to the fire still going in the fireplace. The cauldron warming his usual strew. The kitchen giving off the aroma of herbs from rosemary to lavender. It looked like a witch’s home with some 80’s flair since there was a couch with a television as well as a cabinet that had many ingredients that were for his potions.

It was simple to him. But probably amazing to anyone else seeing.

Life was simple for him. An easy hideaway from the few negative morons in Hawkins….

A chime started him awake from his slumber. He had to have fallen asleep due to it being dark outside already.

Another chime made him jump and look around.

Chime.

He looks at the strange clock that was for sure not there before, sticking half inside the wall of his kitchen.

Chime-

“Don’t interfere, Aurelius.”

The voice was dark and cold, it made the wizard stare in shock and look around for the source of the voice he hadn’t heard before.

“Interfere with me, Credence. And you will regret it.”

He heard a knock on his door and looked at it, thanking that the locks were modern and closed. But also, how did anyone come through his barrier? Non-magic couldn’t come through, they’d only pass by it like it was just part of the woods. But the knocking was there, it was real and getting angrier.

“Credence, what did we say about locking your door?”

The voice chilled his blood. It almost made him break down in tears and fear right there. The voice of Mary Lou… so icy calm. He swore it was as if he was still in that damned church that haunted his nightmares.

“Credence, open the door please. Credence! Credence you wicked little mistake! Open the door!” Her calmness increased to anger and hatred.

He stared at the door as the clock chimed louder, the ticking was like nails on a chalkboard. His hands gripped his ears to try and silence the yells, the clock, everything. “Ma- Stop! Stop it!” He screamed back. The door banging, the hinges threatening to break. He felt like that wandless boy at the Second Salem Church, ready for the belt, the beatings—he wept and screamed until his vocals strained and ached.

He was curled up on the floor when all was silent again, back to normal. His ears ringing, throat aching. His palms were bloody from his nails digging so deeply into them. It wasn’t a dream that was for sure. Everything was as it was. Nothing misplaced, no clock, no damage to the door.

But he knew now, for sure, there was someone or something that wanted to make sure that Aurelius would not pursue further.

Dark eyes burned from the tears he had shed. But he was feeling angry at the being that dared dig into his old wounds and tear them open. A deep snarl of the Obscurus within him came out of his mouth. This being thought he could hurt Aurelius in such a way, frighten him with the horrors of his past? Dark eyes going white with rage. He was going to fight this thing and wipe it from the face of the earth if he had to.

Vecna will learn that not all people could break under his guilt and fear tactics.

And Aurelius did not heed his words. And only dug more deeper into the sudden and sadistic killing with growing shock and anger. Jason was not wise to face Aurelius on his good days, and even less wise to face him on his bad days.

Jason and his sorry excuse for hunters happened upon the Obscurial on his way towards home from the store. Eyes meeting multiple eyes of Jason and his crew. “Do you know where Eddie is?”

Aurelius stared and resumed his walk.

“Hey! We’re talking to you!”

“And the sky is blue, water is wet, and your breathe smells. Anything else I need to point out? Other than you’re missing a member of your crew. Perry?”

“You little- Patrick! He is dead, Eddie murdered him?”

“… and you saw proof of this?”

“With my own eyes. We were almost on him when Patrick was killed. He was lifted up by Eddie’s powers—”

“It isn’t Eddie you should be after.” Aurelius interrupted. Maybe he was being rude and cruel over the grief of them losing their friend. “Tell me, had Patrick said anything about not sleeping well? Depression? Anything?”

“What does that-“

“Do try and answer me, I don’t have all day.”

Jason was having enough and somehow believed that Aurelius would cave like Gareth had under pain. He went towards the wizard with every intent to hurt him.

Aurelius was quicker, and much less merciful than he usually was. “Brachiabindo” He spoke out loud after drawing his ebony wand.

Jason fell forward and squirmed and yelled in confusion. Aurelius cast a jinx on him that caused invisible cords to wrap around the other’s body and tie him. “Now let me try this again” He looked at the bigger guy, wand pointing at each of them. What ever courage they had was quickly vanished as they whispered in fear of satanic powers, or if he was part of the Hellfire Club. “Was Patrick not sleep well? Anything off?”

“U-uh, he was fine. Um… actually he was having some trouble I think. He didn’t tell us, man.”

“Hmm” He stepped over the squirming Jason who was still somehow thinking that he could yell words of Satan’s vessel at him. “If you don’t shut up, Carver, I will remove your tongue” He threatened, very emptily but could care less. Jason shut up. “It is starting to add up. Something in their past is connected. Like abuse for example. Be it past or present. Tell me, have any one of you heard a clock, seen anything strange?”

“Besides what you just did?”

“Yes.”

“No?” Each one he looked at shook their head no, probably more afraid of the wizard now than anything. “And you Jason?”

A grumble.

“This is serious, Carver. Munson is in grave danger if you don’t search your brain. More innocents will die”

“No. Just nightmares of what he did to her.”

Aurelius glared at the ignorance of the basketball obsessed leader and growled with white eyes and smoke seemed to leak off him. Once again, whatever confidence he had was gone as soon as the wizard shown the Obscurus off. “If you go anywhere near Eddie Munson… if I hear anything of the possibility that you hurt him, or anyone from Hellfire, I will make sure you live as a worm for the rest of your life” He snarled deeply, a snarl that no human could possibly have. He would put the fear of a false devil into their souls if it meant they left the innocents out of their little cult and witch hunting. He stepped on the no-maj and applied pressure. “Do I make myself clear?” Another add of weight and a pained agreement. “Good little no-maj. Now run along. And if you bother me again I will make sure all of you become worms!” threatened the wizard as he undid the jinx and apparated before their very eyes and before he could be stopped.

Maybe he went over the top, but sometimes he can’t help but feel that Grindelwald may have been right at times with some no-maj that believe they could harm others without thought. And given his phoenix hadn’t returned… “Am I doing right, father?” He asked no one in general as he stood on the other side of town.

It was probably his nosiness that gave Vecna annoyance and reason to end the irritating wizard once and for all. Not yet seeming to know what the boy was yet. Even after prying into the boy’s mind, Aurelius hid much more about himself outside of his abuse and trauma…

---

Aurelius sat on his bed, looking at the room around him. Thinking over and over. Why was there someone killing teenagers? Why would they do that? Was there a method? He was wondering if he was losing his mind as he thought over and over.

And as if his mind was read, he once again heard that clock, the chime that sounded wrong and distorted. He couldn’t locate it, but he heard it. “Thankfully I left the fireplace off.” He remarked. And began to look around now for anything or anyone.

And seeing him made the wizard must back up an inch in his bed. This creature looked humanoid but that was about it. It looked very off-putting for lack of a better word. Eyes looking at him. “You hide what you are, but you also pursue me.”

“Hide? You are in my home, if anything, I am far from hiding. Why are you killing people?” This creature was not from his world. It was something else entirely. “Teenagers for that matter! In the most gruesome ways?”

He didn’t answer.

“You must think you’re doing something great. Murdering teenagers, blaming some innocent group. Quite a coward’s way.”

A chuckle escaped the creature as something suddenly wrapped and gripped around Aurelius’ belly and pulled him hard against the wall. A black vine had sneaked around and grabbed him, nearly crushing his lungs.

“I told you to stay out of my way. Quite a unique creature you are. I can’t see into your mind further than your own trauma that you barely hid.”

Aurelius growled silently as the creature continued. Not yet.

“I am curious about what you hide from me, from the world.” He drew closer, sharpened claws on his arm stretching over Aurelius’ head. “Show me.”

Eyes slowly began to show all white as the boy seemed to almost look like he was going blind. His body shaking, “who said I was hiding?” He answered, his voice of anger, voice deep with hatred of the Obscurus. Aurelius nails that now had blackened along his nails and up his fingers, becoming long and talon like as one grabbed for the vine and the other hand went for the creature’s face and neck, clawing and shredding both vine and face.

He fell and was leaping off his bed, running down the stairs and for the door that, suddenly had boards on it. He began to rip them off, tear and shred at them. As his Obscurus came forward, every instinct to run, to break out.

He smashed through the door, the boards, everything to get outside. Which was far from what he remembered. The trees were mangled and had no leaves, dead from what it looks like. The sky was dark save for red lightning that streaked across. The particles were like dust.

Aurelius was not home, not safe. He was in Vecna’s world. And claws raked down his back when he was looking around. Pain shot through him as blood splattered out of the deep wounds that thankfully didn’t sever anything like his spinal cord or spine in general. Still he fell forward in pain, whimpering as his clothing was torn, deep gashes pulsing and adding to pain.

“Have you been touched by this world as well? You have powers that are not like the other world’s.”

He couldn’t answer even if he wanted to. His back was on fire. He looked to see dark blood dripping from those claws. Near black blood thanks to the Obscurus he guessed. He growled as he slowly forced himself to stand again, eyes glaring at him. “I may tell you when you take your last breaths.” He growled. And began to let out his Obscurus in a form he didn’t use before. Sharp talons on each finger, his body showing signs of the black smoke but never quite letting it out. If Vecna wanted to fight, than so it shall be.

There was mental powers against full forced dark and twisted power. Talon again claws, shredding. Vines grabbing and slamming the boy hard against the ground. Debris from both sides smashing against one another.

Rock hitting the black mass that shrugged it off. Aurelius becoming the Obscurus as it smashed against vine, rock, anything. The force behind Vecna tore parts off the Obscurus, causing it to roar in pain and rage. It’s host protected for the moment. But both sides may be knowing that they were near equal in their skills. The deciding factor was how long until one of their body’s succumbed by blows struck to hard or to deep.

Blood loss was coming from both sides. The Obscurial was fighting his damnedest to kill this monster, to stop him once and for all. It was all he could think about.

But blood loss and the poisoning of his Obscurus tired him. The Obscurus had grown to much, it was to powerful, and it was beginning to kill it’s host again. He coughed and spat out blood and black as Vecna once again was using the vines to grip and pull the boy’s limbs, spreading him out. Aurelius had cuts, bruises, gashes. As did Vecna, but he was not at all pleased by the boy that hurt him. The vines pulling the boy’s arms and legs, straining the muscles and bones. “If you were touched by this world, you would not have fought against your master.” He lost interest in this human with powers. Claws reach out, ready to cast his curse—

And Aurelius was pulled from it. His mind, body, whatever was snapped back into the other world. His bed, now stained a deep and dark red due to his injuries sustained. He was alone. No clock to chime, no monstrous man.

He used the last of his strength to apparate to the hospital. Collapsing at the entrance, bloody, bruised, broken. He looked like he was in a fight with some bear or something given how his wounds were. He was alive miraculously. One hell of a will to live if anything. He was worked on and made it through, but needed rest over questions for now.

#okay to reblog #aurelius dumbledore #credence barebone #eddie munson #vecna #stranger things #fantastic beasts #ao3 #fantastic beasts and where to find them

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loststarsabove · 3 years

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My thoughts and opinions on the slew of recent trailers and announcements that no one asked for, but I needed to process all this information. These are just my opinions so don’t hate me.

Marvel:

WandaVision - Not very interested in this and it looks a little too trippy for my taste, but might watch it anyway to see Jimmy Woo and Monica Rambeau (and Billy and Tommy?)

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier - Easily my most anticipated of Marvel’s offerings. I was disappointed that it was delayed but it looks like it will be worth the wait! The trailer was epic. It looks like an action movie. I love Sam and Bucky, and their relationship and banter. Also I can’t wait to see my girl Sharon!

Loki - Not sure what to expect from this one and the trailer did not make things any clearer, but I’m just thrilled that Loki is getting his time to shine away from the Thor franchise.

What If? - Now that I’ve seen the full trailer I am actually quite excited for this! Also the animation looks gorgeous.

Hawkeye - I am not a fan of Jeremy Renner or what they did to Clint’s character in the MCU - hopefully this series will correct some of that. However the dog is adorable, Hailee Steinfeld looks really good as Kate Bishop, and I’m interested to find out what Yelena’s role in the story will be.

Ms. Marvel - From the brief clips we have it looks like a cute, heartwarming, and inspiring story. It has jumped to the top of my list!

She-Hulk - I’ve hated Bruce Banner in everything after The Avengers so I hope his involvement in this show is minimal.

Moon Knight - Not interested at the moment.

Secret Invasion - I was never one of those fans who felt like this story had to be adapted for the MCU and I liked what they did with the Skrulls in Captain Marvel, but I’m 100% for it now that Samuel L. Jackson and Ben Mendelsohn are involved!

Armour Wars - Finally giving Rhodey a leading role after playing pivotal supporting roles in a gazillion movies is long overdue. Sounds like an interesting premise. Will definitely watch!

Ironheart - Not very familiar with the character so I don’t have much of an opinion at the moment. Will probably watch though.

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special - For some reason I have the feeling this is just going to be a Star Wars Holiday Special parody/rip-off.

I Am Groot - Will probably be cute.

Black Widow - I’m over it at this point. Was never really into it. Should have come out years before Endgame. Will only be watching for Yelena Belova.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - Admittedly was not familiar with the character prior to the announcement. I like Michelle Yeoh and Awkwafina though, and I’m interested to see what the movie does with The Mandarin (after the disaster that was Iron Man 3). No real opinion until I see the trailer.

Eternals - Would not be interested in this at all except for the fact that I like Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, and Kit Harrington. The cast is massive and star-studded to the point of feeling bloated.

Untitled Spider-Man 4 - Not sold at all on the multiverse/spiderverse, but the previous MCU Spider-Man films are among my favourites and I thought they both sounded like crap initially. Will definitely reserve judgement until I actually see the movie. As much as I adore Tom Holland’s Peter Parker, my wish for this movie is that we see a move towards more classic Spider-Man comic elements (The Daily Bugle and Peter’s photography, a mere mention of Uncle Ben, Harry and Norman Osborn, etc.)

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness - Not really interested right now.

Thor: Love and Thunder - Will likely not be watching. An unpopular opinion but Ragnarok was my least favourite MCU movie.

Black Panther II - Right now I am just eagerly awaiting any announcement regarding their plans for where they are taking this franchise.

Captain Marvel 2 - I loved the first movie, Brie Larson, and Carol Danvers. Kamala Khan and Monica Rambeau appearing in this makes me so happy! Hopefully Goose will be back! The Ms. Marvel tv show seems to imply that Captain Marvel is famous enough as a superhero to have merchandise, so I hope this movie explains when and how that happened (presumably during the 5 years after the snap that we didn’t see in Endgame).

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - Very torn about this one. I really loved the first two movies, but my enthusiasm for the franchise has admittedly soured due to controversies involving certain members of the cast and crew. Will watch it, but not particularly bothered either way.

Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania - I am truly upset by the decision to recast Cassie Lang, perhaps to the point of being irrational. Hopefully I get over it because I have been looking forward to this movie for so long. The plot sounds good and I am anticipating much family cuteness.

Blade - Never saw the original movies and only know the character from Spider-Man: The Animated Series.

Fantastic Four - We all knew this was inevitable. Just give me a comic accurate Susan Storm and a teenage/young adult Johnny Storm (because if we don’t get Spideytorch content then what’s the point?) and I will be happy.

Untitled Deadpool - Not the biggest Deadpool fan, but the second movie was amusing. Will probably watch out of curiosity.

Untitled X-Men/Mutant movie - Not sure how they are going to integrate Mutants into the already very established history of the MCU. If they do go ahead with this movie I hope that it focuses on different characters from the 20th Century Fox X-Men franchise. Personally I don’t want to see Erik and Charles played by anyone else after Ian McKellan, Michael Fassbender, Patrick Stewart, and James McAvoy.

Star Wars:

Obi Wan Kenobi - We have Hayden Christensen! This is not a drill! Honestly I am so happy! He was absolutely incredible in RotS and he truly deserves all the love he’s been getting over the years. As exciting as a reunion between his Vader and Ewan’s Obi Wan will be, a tiny part of me is frustrated because I thought Episode IV implied that their encounter on the Death Star was their first encounter since Mustafar? I’m sure they will find a way to make it work, however. Deborah Chow is an amazing director. I hope they cast a young Luke :3

Andor - Definitely my most anticipated Star Wars project after Obi Wan Kenobi. Really excited to see more of life in the Rebel Alliance, and loving the sound of the “nail-biting spy thriller” angle. Glad that Genevieve O’Reilly is back as Mon Mothma. Keeping my fingers crossed for Jimmy Smits.

The Bad Batch - The animation looks stunning. Always interested to see more of the early days of the Empire.

Ahsoka - I don’t want it

Rangers of the New Republic - Not a lot of information except that it’s “culminating in a climatic event” with other stories, which sounds ugh. Reserving judgement until we learn more and see a trailer.

Lando - Awaiting more info. No word yet on whether Donald Glover or Billy Dee Williams will be back, but we can’t go wrong if either one (or both) are involved.

The Acolyte - Sounds like it could be interesting. Glad to see other time periods in the Star Wars universe being explored.

Star Wars: Visions - Will probably watch for pretty anime animation.

A Droid Story - Sounds like it will be cute, and I love droids so will probably watch.

Rogue Squadron - Unless it’s an adaptation of the EU Rogue Squadron, I’m not particularly interested. If we’re getting Corran Horn, Mirax Terrik, Tycho Celchu, and Wes Janson, however, then I am 100% onboard!

Untitled Taika Waititi Star Wars - Not a fan of Ragnarok as has already been established, nor did I like aspects of his episode of The Mandalorian. Can’t imagine that I will be interested.

Other:

Fate: The Winx Saga (Netflix) - This looks like a cheesy guilty pleasure at best and a dumpster fire at worst. I wish that Prince Sky’s hair was longer. W.I.T.C.H. would have translated better into live-action if they wanted to adapt a mid-2000s era cartoon.

Batwoman Season 2 (The CW) - This looks like a huge improvement from season 1. Judging from the trailer I think they made an excellent decision by bringing in Javicia Leslie. The character dynamics all look really interesting. My most anticipated CW show along with Superman and Lois.

#mcu #marvel #star wars #batwoman #fate: the winx saga #mcu criticism #star wars criticism #tagging to be safe #don’t hate me #long post

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join-the-joywrite · 4 years

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Hamish & Vera soulmate au headcannons

Look at me, back on the vermish train

Okay so, you and your soulmate can communicate with each other telepathically. Most often, it's a conscious thing, you have to intend to do it. However (who doesn't love angst skjsjw) it can happen that during moments of intense fear or rage or even unfiltered joy -- so basically, overwhelmed, I guess -- you can project without even knowing.

Remember how I said I loved the idea that Vera's name isn't Vera? Yeah, we're going with that one here too. For the sake of making sure all of these in the same collection have similar facts to them, we're gonna say her name is Sophia.

Since she was like 4 or 5, Vera's been trying to talk to her soulmate. She's sure at this point that her soulmate is either deaf or dead. When Hamish is eventually capable of coherent thought, Vera tells him this. He thinks it's funny. She thinks it's rude that she had to wait so long to get some responses.

"The kids at kindergarten are being mean to me." "Tell them Sophia Stone can and will fuck them up." "You said a bad word! You thought a bad word!"

I like my childhood best friends turned lovers trope okay, so Vera and Hamish grow up "together" telling each other nearly everything.

When he's 12, Hamish realises that at this point, the age gap between them is pretty huge considering Hamish hasn't hit puberty yet while Vera's somewhere having a baby.

"Tell her I said hi." "She kicked me. I don't think she likes you." "She will."

When the little baby dies, Hamish hears nothing but Vera's choked sobs for days on end. He doesn't know what to do. He's just a kid himself -- so is she, to be honest -- but he does his best.

"I saw a shooting star. I'm sure that was her. Did you see it?" "The curtains are closed. Give her a wave from me?" "Of course, Soph."

When Vera packs up and leaves everything behind her, she leaves behind Sophia. She tells Hamish that she's changing her name but given that he refuses to stop calling her Sophia over every single name she suggests, she never actually remembers to give him her new one. Besides, Hamish knows every goddamn thing about her. As far as she cares, he can call her whatever the hell he wants.

Many many many years later, by the time Jack Morton has come to town, Vera still hasn't given Hamish her new name and Hamish has actually forgotten that she said she'd changed her name.

Chancellor Vera Stone knows that Hamish Duke is a TA at Belgrave. She wonders if that's her Hamish. Sometimes she wants to go up to him and strike a conversation. She's not sure what she's afraid of more: that he is or that he isn't.

If he isn't, then she's gone and shown affection. Besides that, she would have expectations and hopes and they'd all come crashing down.

If he is, then he's in a shitload of danger, given her position in the Order. Better to keep him unaware and safe. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Hamish thinks about telling his Sophia about the Knights. He never does. He'd already lost Cassie. He remembered all the times he lay awake at night, thinking about Cassie and then he would get so overwhelmed with how amazing she was, he'd eventually hear a voice in his head "SHUT THE FUCK UP SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP"

After Cassie's death, if he thought to much about Cassie, the little voice in his head would be much more consoling and softer.

"I saw a shooting star. Do you think that was her?" "I saw two." And she would quieten, probably lost in her own thoughts about her daughter.

It was then, around the same time someone had murdered one of Vera's close friends in the Order, that they both mastered the art of keeping their thoughts to themselves. They could never let each other into the dangers and the death in their lives. They were both safer off never knowing the Knights or thr Order existed.

"Vera," Jack says several months after arriving and bringing the catalyst for a shitstorm, "this is Randall, Hamish, and Lilith. They'll try not to kill you."

Vera glares at them. The Knights of St Christopher, enemies to the Blue Rose. "I suppose I can try too."

"Well, that would be highly appreciated."

Vera wouldn't say she was an expert, but being part of a secret society that requires masks to be worn in certain circumstances, one has to have at least some level of skill in identifying voices. As the Temple Magus, it's no surprise that Vera is very good at identifying voices. And the voice that came out of that werewolf's mouth was the same one she'd been hearing in her head all her life.

Unfortunately, she didn't have the luxury of time to sit and talk about it.

Hamish doesn't notice. In his minimal defence, he's still convinced the voice in his head belongs to a Sophia.

Vera considered being the one to powder Hamish. Leader to leader. Soulmates. She won't admit it, but she chickened out. She didn't think she'd be able to do it if she looked him in the eyes without the threat of death around the corner.

Werewolf or not, Hamish was still the person she trusted most in the whole world. She was afraid that if she looked him in the eye, she'd break.

"When you hit Mr Duke with the pulveris memoriae, make sure you tell him [important stuff] and that his soulmate's name is Sophia." "Why is that important--" "are you questioning me, Medicum?" 0.0 "no, Grand Magus"

Selena wants to know why Vera knows the name of a werewolf's soulmate, but she really doesn't want to cross paths with Vera again.

"I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know what it is." "... are you wearing pants?" "You know that's not what I mean, Soph."

Guilt eats Vera up nearly every single day. He's safer this way, she tells herself. Away from the Order and all the dangers it brings.

When Lilith brews the potion to restore and protect their memories, Hamish is swarmed by every single conversation he ever had with Sophia and like a semi-trailer truck, realization strikes him.

"That bitch!" "Who?" "Uh . . . The Order." "Same"

Hamish doesn't say anything to Vera that he wouldn't normally, and he doesn't say anything to "Sophia" either.

"Bring me something in a tall glass." Hamish: oh you already fuckin know about this don't you, you little witch, I'll show you a tall glass akxnsnsb

Shenanigans ensue as Hamish tries to keep Vera and Sophia separate so that Vera doesn't figure that the Knights have their memories back.

"Hamish, who are you talking to?" "....Myself."

"Hamish, who's Sophia?" "..............no one." "Sure..."

"Mr Duke, are you talking to my floor?" Vera asks to break Hamish's concentration because she's trying very hard to reprimand Randall for something and it's not helping that Hamish's voice is in her head. "Not at all, Magus." Tight smiles as they refrain from attempting to maim each other while having a "normal" conversation in their heads.

Randall: what the fuck is all this eye sex about

OKAY BUT VERA WITH THE PROMETHEANS????

Hamish is on Foley's tail but he has to stop for a minute to catch his breath because every single moment of pain in Vera's life is screaming into the mind of every Promethean, but also his.

"Miss Dupres told me you let Foley get away earlier." "I did." "You didn't. What happened?"

Hamish wants to tell her what happened but he also doesn't want to shatter the fragile barrier between Sophia and Vera. Between the light-hearted joyous woman in his head and the broken and hardened leader in front of him.

"Nothing happened, Vera. He got away earlier. That's all."

All he wants is to hold her. For so many years, on the anniversary of the baby girl's death, he'd wished he could be there to give her a hug and hold her while she cries. Every year. And now, now she's standing right in front of him but he can't let her know. He can't let her know he knows.

Hamish watches her turn to leave. She shudders once before composing herself and starting to walk.

Fuck it.

Vera is startled when she finds herself trapped. Her first instinct is panic. Pure fear and terror. Then anger settles in because to her, as far as Hamish knows, he is a disciple of the Order. The anger barely lasts a second, though.

I saw a shooting star before I came down here. I gave her a hello from you

Vera just knows the voice was in her head and not out loud. She stands still as Hamish buries his face in her shoulder. "I miss her. Every single day. Today was . . ."

"I know."

"You know, I think she would have liked you, eventually," Vera whispers honestly. Hamish laughs. "Are you agreeing that I'm likeable? Werewolf hide and all?"

"Don't get greedy, Acolyte."

"What defines greedy, Magus? Stealing a kiss or two?"

"I'm warning you--"

No one believes the Acolyte that says she saw the Grand Magus furiously making out with one of the disciples. Well, not no one.

Randall waltzes into the den. "Guess what, Lame-ish? I heard that the teacher you've been thirsting over was seen with one of the disciples in the temple. According to the Acolyte, she--"

"Yes, I know, I was there."

"You saw them?!"

Raised eyebrow

"YOU WERE THEM????"

Mr Duke, if you say one more word to Mr Carpio, I will revoke your access to the reliquary and spread word that you got called out for being a nerd in fourth grade and your response was to recite positive synonyms for nerd to defend yourself.

Hamish snorts and won't tell Randall what was so funny.

and we have to stop here because if I go on, we'll head into angst territory and I've got too many happy vibes going on here to make it angsty without feeling sad myself.

Me: has 4 other drafts in here waiting to he completed and posted.

Also me: I'm gonna do another soulmate au set

See the other headcannons I've screamed about lately

#hamish x vera #hamish duke #vera stone #the order #the hermetic order of the blue rose #the knights of saint christopher #the knights of the blue rose #soulmate au #soulmates #please just give me the soulmate au i want #mara-writes

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madeofsplinters · 3 years

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nobody asked my opinion on the new star wars shows but

i am a cantankerous opinion haver who doesn’t let that stop me so here are the new star wars shows, sorted in descending order of how excited i am about them

Obi-Wan Kenobi

UM YES, I’m excited about this for the same reason as the whole rest of my Tumblr dash is excited about it, wheee!!

The Acolyte

Is this going to have spooky Sith things? Is it going to finally show us another spooky Sith Master besides Palpatine? Because I am SO HERE FOR MORE SPOOKY SITH THINGS ASDFGHJKL. (It will probably not have enough spooky Sith things, or not in the exact way I desire, but that’s what fanfic is for.)

Whatever it is that Taika Waititi is doing

(self-explanatory)

Lando

I mean, as long as they cast Donald Glover this will be very watchable even if all he does is sit around in a swooshy cape narrating his video blog, and I’m here for it. (But: why have they not confirmed if they’re casting him? :-\ )

Rogue Squadron

I feel like I’m not really as into the “flying around being fighter pilots” aspects of Star Wars as most fans, but Patty Jenkins is a director I trust. Also is Ysanne Isard going to be in this movie? I really need her to be in this movie. I really need characters like her to be directed by women, specifically.

Visions

This is going to look pretty! I don’t know anything else about it but sometimes that’s all you need.

Ahsoka

I love her, but I’m still unhappy that we had to watch her doubling down on the “children being attached to their parents is bad!!” thing on The Mandalorian. Yes, I know the fan consensus is that she didn’t mean it that way. We’ll see how it goes.

The Bad Batch

Tbh I find the entire concept of this group of title characters to be annoying, but the trailer has Tarkin in it and also Fennec Shand and early-Empire angst so, uggggh, fiiIIIIiiiine, I guess I’m watching this

Andor

No offense to Diego Luna who is a wonderful actor, I just feel like if we were going to do a spinoff from Rogue One, this is one of the most obvious / least interesting options? Give me more of the Ersos or Bodhi Rook or the Guardians of the Whills idk I feel like any of these would have more unexplored potential than “Rebel spy who does ruthless spy things but feels bad about it.”

Rangers of the New Republic

I mean, judging from The Mandalorian, these guys are pretty bad at their jobs? I’m just picturing this as a whole show about Dave Filoni’s cop character, which is probably wrong.

A Droid Story

meh!

My other opinions are that (1) I fully expect half of these to be canceled/delayed the way the last few movie projects were; (2) the timing on this Big Announcement feels reeeeally calculated to distract everyone from the fact that they need to pay Alan Dean Foster; and (3) they really need to pay Alan Dean Foster. Like, now. But unfortunately, I can’t stop myself from fanpersoning regardless.

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loubuggins · 6 years

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Lou’s TITANS Review

S1 E1 - Titans

The Titans show was not as bad as the hideous trailer made it out to be, but then again, maybe it reached my standards because I had them so low. I will say that there were moments in this episode that I actually enjoyed. The acting was decent and the special effects were cool to see, but the script was only sub-par. Like most shows or movies that aim to be more “mature,” this episode depended for too much on violence instead of telling a compelling story. Which, in my opinion, they have, but it’s being drowned by the excessive gore and grimdark nature that the show creators are trying way too hard to enforce. I do see potential in the plot, I just hope they will execute it better as the series progresses. I also have many theories surrounding the show, which I go into below the cut.The pilot episode is always one of the worst in any series so it would not be fair to judge the whole series based off of one episode. Therefore, I will continue to keep an open mind in these coming weeks as we continue to dive into this new twist to the Titans’ story.

Please note that this review contains only my opinion and that I am open to other ideas, but I do ask that extreme fans of this show ignore my review, as I am critical of certain aspects of the show.

Read below the cut for my full review containing a summary of this episode!

The episode begins with the mysterious girl we come to know as Rachel Roth. She walks through a circus tent and ominous music playing in the background along with the odd sound of a joyful crowd in a seeming abandoned place gives away that this is a dream. She makes her way to the circus ring, where we see a flashback of the famous “Flying Graysons.” The family swing on the trapeze in what appears to be a very beautiful display, until the scene takes a sharp turn towards devastation. We see a young boy (Dick Grayson) scream in horror as he watches his parents fall to their deaths. There’s a lot of emotion in this scene and we see the dream come to an abrupt end as Rachel wakes up screaming and panicking.

Rachel’s mother runs in to comfort the young girl and if you listen closely, you’ll hear Rachel mention that she has had this dream before. Judging by her mother’s reaction, it’s clear she has confided in her mother before about this dream. It’s also revealed that Rachel can feel the boy’s pain and grief. It’s not an unusual statement to make about a dream, but this theme will continue to pop up throughout the show.

That morning, the mother wakes up to her alarm and we can tell by her appearance that she is exhausted and under a great deal of stress (Hm...I wonder why?) After taking her medicine she lifts her shirt up to reveal fresh scratch marks on her side. It’s never made clear how she received them, so to take a shot in the dark, I’d say they came from Rachel. When she enters the kitchen (wearing a nurse’s scrubs), we see Rachel quietly eating surgery Trix cereal and a cup of coffee. These may seem like minor details, but they bugged me greatly. Anyone who has seen the animated versions of Raven knows she’s a tea and waffles kind of girl.

Anyway, there is a tense conversation between mother and daughter that reveals the magical power that the girl has. It’s obvious that she can’t control it and it’s revealed that she doesn’t know what it really is or why she has this “darkness inside her.” Her mother seems to know something about Rachel’s powers, but refrains from sharing that information. It’s also worth noting that Rachel mentions being able to feel her mother’s emotions and using that empathy to know that she is lying.

After a dramatic scene between mother and daughter that makes Rachel look like Marvel’s Silver Banshee, we see the teenage girl hop on the bus headed for school. It’s fun to see one of my favorite characters in such a normal setting and I felt some compassion towards the poor girl. It’s clear that she has a good heart, but in typical Raven-fashion, she doesn’t know what to do about her more demonic side. Though she doesn’t appear aware of her demon heritage yet. I honestly would have liked to see more with her in school. We see her bullied on the bus, some random guy stands up for her, but brushes her off when she tries to thank him later in school. The whole thing seemed so insignificant, that they should have either cut the whole scene or added to it. This series seems to have an issue with priorities. If this season is meant to be about Raven, then let the focus be on Raven.

After the very short time in school, we are taken back to Rachel’s home where she is greeted by her mother and a random thug holding a gun to her mother’s head. The man makes Rachel’s mother reveal she is actually not Rachel’s mother, but before she can go further the man shots her point blank. The scene is unnecessarily graphic, as is most of the action scenes in this show. In a fit of rage, Rachel releases her soul-self and attacks the man. This all happens in a bit of a blur and while the CGI could be better, I didn’t find it as horrible as others did. After knocking the man unconscious, Rachel runs off and the focus shifts over to Detective Grayson.

I want to add that I have a theory as to the identity of this woman posing as Rachel’s mother. I believe it is Alice Williams (Roth), Raven’s aunt in the comics and older sister to Arella. In the comics, she is married and living a normal life with her family, but it's not like this show is hesitant to change a character’s backstory. Therefore, I think the woman is Alice Roth since her comic book counterpart is also very religious and she looks similar to Arella in appearance. My only other guess is that she was from Azarath, but I think my Aunt Alice theory makes more sense. It is sad though because I liked Aunt Alice.

Moving on to the bat boy, we see Grayson alone on a stakeout holding the file of some other thug who avoided charges against him for abusing his daughter. In a scene that looks like it came straight from Gabriel Picolo's Titans Zine, Dick looks over apprehensively at a briefcase sitting in his passenger seat. After some hesitation, he finally uses his thumb to unlock the case. Next, we see the thug with his other buddies in an alley (DC loves their alleys) as they begin the process of a drug deal. This is when Grayson, decked out in the Robin costume we have seen so much of, swoop in and fight them like some homicidal maniac. Nothing about this part is in character for the boy wonder. He brutally kills the criminals in an assortment of creative, yet painful ways. In the end, he goes to the man he was supposedly only after and beats him to death, but not before saying “If you ever touch your daughter again, I’ll find you.” This makes no sense once so ever and again, I blame the writers and the entire crew for not catching this mistake. It was very noticeable, and before the scene cuts again, we get the now famous line “F*** Batman.” After the horrendous fight (more like slaughter), we see Dick play the emo song that he so conveniently had on a record while cleaning the blood off one of his throwing R’s. We also get a nice long look at Brenton Thwaites shirtless, because the Robin fangirls need their fix I guess.

Back to Rachel, we get another ridiculous song as she takes a bus to Detriot. She finds her way to a soup kitchen and while she is there, a woman approaches her, offering to take her to a youth shelter. As Rachel is being led down a dark alleyway (seriously DC, again with the alley?), Her reflection (which I’m going to call her demon side) warns her not to follow. Trusting her instincts, Rachel runs away from the woman and attracts the attention of the police in order to escape.

As she waits in an interrogation room, Detective Grayson comes in to talk to her. She instantly recognizes him as the boy from her dream and without beating the bush, pleads for his help. I don’t criticize this though, because Raven was never one for tact. Grayson, however, is rightfully shaken up by her declaration but decides to investigate further. He makes the mistake of leaving the mystery girl alone and while he is gone, she is kidnapped by another cop.

Grayson follows them to an abandoned house, where he finds Rachel tied to a chair and about to have her heart cut out by the Acolyte. Now, this is where things start getting interesting. Before Grayson shows up, the Acolyte shares his villain monologue to Rachel, revealing that he intends to kill her in order to stop Trigon from coming, which is the exact opposite of what I thought his plan was going to be. It would be very different if the so-called “bad guys” of this show try to stop the end of the world from coming, rather than start it, and I honestly wouldn’t mind a refreshing twist to Raven’s story. However, in another surprise turn in events, Rachel loses control and her demon side takes over. Releasing her soul self, she performs a reverse exorcism on the Acolyte and kills him in a very disturbing and unpleasant way. I frankly don’t want to go into the details. By the time Grayson comes in, her soul self is back in her body and Rachel is panicking in her chair, claiming to have no memory of what had just taken place.

During all of this, on the other side of the world in Germany, we have our first look at Starfire (Anna Diop). The alien princess wakes up in a smashed car in the middle of the forest with a dead man beside her at the wheel. Dazed and confused she stumbles out of the car, only to have another vehicle racing down the road with men shooting in her direction. She takes off into the woods and after getting away from them, she somehow ends up at a gas station bathroom. She looks through her purse and it’s clear she has lost her memory, most likely from the accident (that probably was not much of an accident). Out of her purse, she pulls out a key that looks like the kind you would get for a locker or storage unit. The key also has a circular keychain with a picture of a cartoon frog. She also finds her passport, which says she’s an American citizen named Kory Anders. This leads me to believe she has been to America before, so it is possible she has met the boy wonder as well, but that is just my prediction. Not that this detail is of any importance, but the passport also says she is born on November 11th, 1991, which would make her 27 years old in the show. Just a fun fact.

The last item she pulls out is a hotel keycard, which leads her to the hotel the card belongs to (again, who knows how she arrived there). While she is there, a concierge seems to recognize her and Kory finds out she lives on the entire top floor of the hotel. When she arrives on her floor, she looks around to find any clues as to what happened to her before she lost her memory. All she finds is her apartment a mess, a half-packed suitcase, and a cell phone with a picture of her with her and some guy. Oh, and a beaten man tied up in her closet.

The first words out of his mouth were “Okay, don’t hurt me! I’ll tell you! They found her!” It isn’t clear at first who he is speaking about, but it is revealed later to be Rachel. As Starfire tries to retrace her steps, we start to get a taste of her character and what she has been up to up until now. Not a whole lot is made clear except that she was undercover and that she looking for Rachel. My theory is she was working for the JL in an undercover mission. She happened to stumble upon a much bigger scheme that has something to do with Rachel. She tried to do some digging but got too caught up in the crossfire. The crash was supposed to kill her, but she survived. Unfortunately, she lost her memory and doesn’t remember her original mission or the girl who changed it. Her hunt for Rachel will bring her to Robin, who she has already met before, but may not remember. Dick helps her and tries to recover her memories. Again, I think that her passport being American means she has met Dick before.

I have also heard that someone may have hired her to go undercover and find information about Rachel and that someone may have been Bruce. It would make some sense so I could get on board with that theory as well.

In the end, when moving to a store similar to Best Buy and it’s clear from the green animals playing on the TVs in the background that this is Gar’s (Ryan Potter) 3 seconds of fame, and let me tell you, I was not disappointed. The security guard follows a trail of video games down a hall where he finds a large, green tiger, shuffling through the games like how a cat plays with a toy mouse. As a lover of tigers and a major Beast Boy fan, I absolutely adored seeing him growl at the guard and take off with an Xbox game. Ryan says he picked Fallout 74, whatever that is (I’m not a gamer). Still, it was so much fun to watch and I thought Gar was the most in character so far, even if it was for only 3 seconds.

It’s obvious that this show will depend heavily on Ryan’s acting skills and Robin stans in order to stay relevant. Considering I’m only interested in the former, I’d give the series a thumbs down. However, I know from experience that any show’s pilot episode is usually its worst. Therefore, I plan to judge each episode by itself and will judge the season in the end. That said, I’d give this episode a 3 on a scale of 1 - 5, with 5 being the best. I say a 3, because while it gave an interesting storyline, but lacked in execution.

Rating: 3/5

#titans #live action titans #titans live action #dc universe #review #teen titans #beast boy #raven #robin #starfire #garfield logan #rachel roth #dick grayson #richard grayson #koriand'r #nightwing

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theabominableblogger · 6 years

Text

My Reaction to “Gotham” S4E20

HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!

AN: I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post (even though about 20% of this post is screaming and inarticulate flailing)

*imitates the Epic Voice Trailer guy doing the Gotham commercials*

Oh my gosh...

[RIP Jerome Valeska Second Time’s the Charm] Hahahaha!

“To Jerome!” *tries to toast but can’t do it with a cell phone*

*The Jester rolls up on her motorcyle* It you... OK.

Oh that costume is awesome...

She has bells! On her coat! Oh my gosh!

“Dig me [Jerome] up! Dig me up!” *nervously laughs* Whaaaaaa.....

They keep reusing that same panning shot from the angel statue on...

“I [Jim] don’t need that crap thrown in my face right now. [Harvey] Get outta here!” Hooooooooo....

When is Lee going to cut this crap out?

“I’m [Lee] not betraying my friend [Ed].” Are you serious?

“If the law has lost its meaning, it's because people like you [Lee] are turning your back on it.“ Hooooo....

“I don't want to send you to Blackgate! That's the last thing I want to do. Don't you know I wish I could let you walk out that door, turn my head?” “What's holding you back?“ The laaww....

Guys, c’mon, I want them [Jim and Lee] to be happy. Not necessarily together but happy.

That’s the same freaking font as the one on the Wayne Enterprises “gift” that Jeremiah got

[PLAY ME] Oh my God

Oh my God! That font though [on the screen]!

“I want you to throw me a wake at the GCPD.“ Nooooo...

Air horn!

Noooo-oh my God!

Oh no-oh my God!

*Jerome’s cult brings the casket* THEY DID IT- WHA-

“I [Ed] would sooner debate you all on teleology versus deontology than leave her [Lee] with that overgrown Boy Scout [Jim].“ Whooohoohoohoo....

Oh my God...

“Team, we have everything? Bicycle pump? Can opener?“ Are they preparing a jail break or fixing the TARDIS console?

Pickle jar?!?

Oh I like that shot of Ed putting on the hat

Oh God... ooooohhhhh God.

“But right now, Jeremiah's maze may actually be the safest place for them.“ *nods*

OK, a 2 by 10 (whatever that is) plank is not going to barricade the door!

Did they say open the armory? Oh my God.

“This wake is just intended to distract us while his followers hit the real target.“ What’s the real target?

Ooooohhhh....

*claps hands* I like this plaaannn....

*sing songs* [Electricity whirring down]

*The generator turns on* Oooohhhh.... ooooohhh... wow!

Oh my gosh, there’s a solution poster of the maze on the wall in Jeremiah’s office.

That [generator] is HUGE!

“You’ve kept this project a secret, yes?” “No one outside of Wayne Enterprises knows it exists” *hisses* This just seems really dubious...

“It's the ones who are closest to you that you have to keep your eye on.“ OK what does that mean? What does it meannn...

“Arkham Asylum sent me [Jeremiah] Jerome’s personal effects. And amongst them, I found his diary.” What?

Haha oh my God!

I don’t want to even ask why there’s a glittery ice cream cone sticker on the cover

Whoa...

“Maybe you [Jeremiah] shouldn't spend so much time reading it.“ Yeah....

Oh my God...

Why don’t you actually close it?

*Bruce puts his hand down in the middle of the book* There we go.

“Your brother is dead, Jeremiah. It's time for you to come out of this bunker and join the world.“ *nods*

This just seems really dubious!

“Jerome Valeska’s acolytes are kicking off again” *whispers* Oh shit!

God, look how freaking paranoid Jeremiah is! Man!

Is that how it’s gonna kick off? What happened to his face? Didn’t it turn white?

“He’s alive and he’s coming after me!” He’s dead. He’s dead.

*Glass shatters in the background* Oh God, please...

Shoot...

*Alfred gets attacked offscreen* Oh my Goddd!!

“Bruce, I [Jeremiah] need to tell you something.” Oh, he’s gonna tell him about the gas!

I can’t freaking believe that this is the same actor. Bravo, Cameron!

“What if I [Bruce] could show you he's [Jerome] dead and buried?“ Is that gonna help?

“Then I’ll [Jeremiah] try.” There we go!

“You’re a good friend, Bruce.” *clutches chest and leans back in pain*

Ugh, man, they’re gonna set this up and then it’s just gonna go downhill from there

Oh God, who brought the chainsaw?

Oh my God...

Lee!

Is that the Jongleur character?

AN: Yes

“Hi, guys.” *in best George Clooney Batman voice* Hi guys, I’m Jim!

Freaking Jim gritting his teeth... I love it

Oh my God...

Oh my God, what happened?!?!? WHAT HAPPENED?!?

“He [Alfred] was on his way to your office. He'll wait for us there.“ Bruce....

“What was that?” Oh my God, he’s so paranoid!

Oh my God, they actually dug it up...

*Jeremiah bolts* Haaaaahahaha! Oh my God!

Yeah, no, Jerome’s dead. He’s so dead. I’m sorry, man, but he dead.

Oh my God... they’re [Oswald and Butch] watching cartoons!

Wouldn’t make-up work for Butch?

“Not run apace”.... that’s a new term

“Did you [Oswald] just shush me [Butch]?!?!?” Hahahahaha!

“Confusion is always an opportunity for the clear-headed.“ Oooohhh, that’s a good line.

You’re gonna interrogate him [Jongleur] with a cattle prod near reporters?!? Are you serious?

Dude...

*The Riddler arrives* Oh crap!

“We need a costume shop.” Oh my God, they’re gonna go in disguised as some of Jerome’s followers. Oh my God.

Lee, get up!

I like that dude with the black lace umbrella in the background!

Guys, what are we doing?

Of course he [Jeremiah] hides in a freaking... mausoleum.

That shot of Bruce is awesome.

“You can trust me because I'm your friend!” *whimpers*

“I want you to be my friend, Bruce.” *clutches chest*

“And then you came along and offered me everything I could dream of.” “Because I believe in you, Jeremiah.“ Oh my God...

This is breaking my heart. This is freaking breaking my heart!

“All we have to do is get out of here.“ *starts singing “We Gotta Get Out Of This Place” by The Animals*

*Jeremiah fires off a warning shot near Bruce’s feet* WHOA!

Where did he get the gun?

“You can fool everyone else but I [Jeremiah] know you made a switch.” Oh my God...

*actually clutches hair in stress* Oh my God...

“And you can't hide, not even behind that new face of yours.“ What? Wait, what? What?

“I know it’s you.” What?

“I know it’s you, Jerome.” Whaaaat?!?

Oh my God, Jeremiah, noooo....

“You killed my friend Bruce. Now it's time to put you back in your grave.“ Nooo....

*Jerome’s casket is revealed to be actually a beer cooler* HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA...

*slaps chair in hilarity* Oh my gosh...

*Lee accidentally knocks out Ed* Oh my God!

Jiiiimmm..... this is such a bad idea, Jiiiimmmm....

OK, there’s the generator. They left it on? Why did they leave it on? They just wanted to see how long it would run?

Whoa.... what’s going on? What’s going on?

*Jerome’s corpse is found propped up next to his tombstone* OHHH MY GOD!

Jerome’s hair looks different... whoa...

*The Jester points a gun at Jim* Oh my God!

Is he [Jerome] just.. gaslighting the crap outta him [Jeremiah]?

*Jeremiah goes after Bruce with Jerome’s straight razor* Oh my God!

*gasps when Jerome starts getting strangled by someone offscreen*

Oh my God...

AN: Take a sip every time I’ve said this during this reaction. Careful, there’s a lot of them.

“Hold still, brother. Let's peel off that grotesque facade.” Oh my God...

HE’S DOING THE VOICE!

What kind of rule is that sharp that it can embed itself in a wall?

OOOOOHHHH!!!

OK, what’s going on? Seriously, what’s going on? What’s going on, what’s going on, what’s going on...

*jaw drops to the floor*

Whaatt... whaaat...

*Jeremiah shoots one of the cult followers through the chin* AAAAAHHHHH!!

What’s going on, what’s going on...

*absolutely screams when Jeremiah starts wiping off his makeup*

*absolutely screams again when Jeremiah does the same thing in the video that Jim is watching*

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!

Oh my God, there’s ten minutes left! WHAAAAAATT?!?

“Other than some mild cosmetic effects...” Hahaha my God...

Oh my God...

I just wanna know where Jerome found the time to make a freaking journal of all his escapades

Wait, so did he [Jeremiah] set up the whole thing?

Ohhhh my God....

“I [Jeremiah] would hate to be within a mile of it [the generator] if it were to... overload.” Oh my God...

“Jerome wanted to slather you [Bruce] in honey and have you eaten alive by corpse beetles.“ Eeewww...

Also, whoa there, Jerome. Calm down.

Can’t believe I’m kink-shaming a dead clown. What has this world come to?

“Are you gonna listen? Or you gonna behave like children?” Pfftttt.....

See, I [Jeremiah] don't want to kill you [Bruce], because I want to show you how much I've changed things. How much we've changed things.” Oh my God... oh my God....

Bruce doesn’t know about the generators. Ohhhh shit!

Oh my God, they’re not gonna kill off Jim!

“See those generators that we built with your [Bruce’s] money, they work even better as bombs.“ Oh my God...

*gasps when Jeremiah’s bunker blows up*

“Jim Gordon is dead.” No Jim ain’t dead. C’mon.

“In fact, I [Jeremiah] can honestly say... you [Bruce] are my very best friend.“ *through gritted teeth* Oh my Goddd...

My hands are actually shaking...

“I [Oswald] don't expect you [Jongleur] to betray the memory of that old corpse.“ Hoooo...

Roll credits!

“Is your [Butch’s] plan to gain his sympathy by reciting your tale of woe?“ Pffffttt....

*Butch starts shoving chicken bones up Jongleur’s nose* AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Hahaha Oswald in the background!

*pumps fist* Whoo whoo!

So do they [Ed and Lee] actually like each other here? What’s going on?

“I'm assuming you [Ed] brought one of those [clown costumes] for me [Lee]?” “Oh. Now, I would be into that, but they only had one.“ Hahahaha oh my Goddd...

*jams out to “Rockers” by U.K. Subs*

WHERE’S JIM?!?

*Ed and Lee share a kiss* Oooooohhhh....

“Don't just wrap me [Ed] around your finger, Lee.“ That is exactly what’s she’s doing.

“You know, it's funny, it kind of reminds me [Harvey] of my first apartment in Crown Point.” “How long ago was that?” “I still live there.” Heehee...

*Ecco shoots the guards* OOHHHHH

Wait, are they [Jeremiah and Ecco] holding each others’ arms? Almost protectively?

I’m.. actually totally down to see where this relationship goes in this show. I know it was mentioned that Ecco is “devoted” to Jeremiah so I’m not sure how far that goes.

There’s definitely an implication of romance in this bit but I’m very interested in how this goes down.

Ohhhh my God...

AAAAHHHH

AAHH THE LOGO

#that old corpse #Gotham #gotham spoilers #FOX #the blogger reacts #looked at the stars and considered a reaction #jerome valeska #jim gordon #lee tompkins #harvey bullock #bruce wayne #jeremiah valeska #oswald copplepot #jongleur #butch gilzean #edward nygma #ecco gotham #cameron monaghan #alfred pennyworth

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ryanjdonovan · 4 years

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Donovan's Oscar Prognostication 2020

Pablo Picasso said, "The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls." I'm sure all of this year's Academy Award nominees believe he was talking about them specifically. The same cannot be said, however, of this excruciatingly long and dull article. It'll put that dust right back all over your soul. So sit back, relax, pop some trucker pills, and prepared to be bored stiff with my 21st annual Oscar predictions.

BEST PICTURE:

SHOULD WIN: 1917 WILL WIN: 1917 GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Downton Abbey INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Knives Out

In a year when all the acting races were decided before New Year's, the Best Picture category may have one of the few chances for a surprise. At least three movies (or five, depending on who you ask) have a shot to win: 1917, Parasite, and Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood (plus The Irishman and Joker). But if you like to bet, the odds of 1917 taking the big prize are getting better by the day. It was in good position already, but its recent Producers Guild victory (which foretold somewhat-surprising Best Picture winners Green Book and The Shape Of Water) puts it over the top. 1917's chances are further buoyed by the preferential voting system in this category, which favors movies that are universally liked over movies that are loved by some and disliked by others. (This is how many pundits explain Green Book's surprise victory last year, which nobody seemed ecstatic about. And if you want to know the details on how the voting system works, buy me a beer sometime and I'll bore you to tears.) Oh, and 1917 may also win because it's an absolute masterpiece. So then, why might it lose? History, for one: No movie has ever won this award without having at least an acting OR editing nomination -- and 1917 has neither. Secondly, critic reviews like the one from the New Yorker: "1917, a film of patriotic bombast, has an imagination-free script filled with melodramatic coincidences that trivialize the life-and-death action by reducing it to sentiment." Wow, I bet he's a lot of fun at parties. And finally, the reason I've been hearing most often: It's a simple story of good old-fashioned bravery and triumph of the will, and in these sardonic times, people don't wanna hear that rah-rah sh#t. But ultimately, you can likely count on optimism prevailing and carrying the film to victory.

So if 1917 doesn't win, what will? Well, what kind of person are you? The cynics are picking Parasite (and I'm a cynic, so it's weird that I'm not picking it). If you want to feel like you are personally responsible for every socioeconomic injustice on the planet and at least partly accountable for several socially-motivated murders in South Korea, then this is the movie for you. The obstacles for it to overcome to win Best Picture are tough: No foreign-language film has ever won (remember Roma last year?); voters will rationalize that it's assured to take home at least one trophy anyway, for Best International Film; and the same voters that are passionate about Parasite are also passionate about Once Upon A Time, so the vote will get split. But on the other hand, in its favor: Parasite is a huge international box-office success, which Roma was not; it isn't facing the "Netflix backlash" that we all underestimated last year (i.e., "streaming movies are TV movies and TV movies shouldn’t win Oscars"); the Academy has reportedly increased its international membership to 20%; and finally, movie people friggin' LOVE it. The industry, especially actors (the largest group of voters), love the movie, love the cast, love the director. They made a movie that makes everyone feel horrified and confused and upset and exasperated, and people go bananas for them at every award ceremony. The movie has captured something unique in the zeitgeist, and that's a factor that makes things almost impossible to predict. (As for me, I liked it, but I don't know what the hell it's about or what it means. More on that later.)

The West Coasters, the hippies, and the delusional are picking Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood. But wait, what about the modern film snobs? (Hey, I'm one of those too. Very weird.) They're Quentin Tarantino's bread and butter -- aren't they picking it too? Well, they're split (and very conflicted), because they've found Parasite, which has the same kind of edge and wit that Tarantino provides, but with much more incisiveness. They quite frankly don't know what to do. Here's a hint: Whichever film the snobs say they're picking, they're lying, and are actually picking the other one. The big backers for Once Upon A Time will be the old-school, long-time, insider-y insiders. Hollywood incarnate. The Hollywood that loves to reward itself. I mean, "Hollywood" is literally in the title of the movie. In theory, that should take it far with voters. But in the end, the rollicking, intoxicating, revisionist fairy tale will probably fall just short. It's clear the actors' support of Once Upon A Time is getting funneled toward Brad Pitt. Ultimately, that means it won't be #1 on enough ballots to win Best Picture.

The old school film buffs are picking The Irishman. If you don't think any good movies have been made in the last 25 years, then this is your movie. I was as excited as anyone when this came out, and really want to love it, but it's… in a word, underwhelming. As a theater purist, I can't believe I'm saying this, but: I should have watched it on Netflix on my TV. I proudly bought tickets for a film festival screening, before they announced the run time. Three-and-a-half hours is just a long damn time (without an intermission -- what happened to those??) to sit in an uncomfortable theater. It's a marathon, literally -- many people can run 26.2 miles in less time. At home, I could have taken a break, hydrated, stretched, changed compression socks, etc. It also looks like it was filmed for TV viewing, not cinema screens, despite the staggering budget and Martin Scorsese's assertions to the contrary. The de-aging of Robert De Niro, blown up on a big screen, looks downright silly: He has the shape and movement of a very old man, with patchy, digitally smoothed areas around his eyes and black shoe polish in his hair; and the fake blue eyes just look creepy. And the scenes where the actors are obviously green-screened onto a location background are jarring and look cheap. The net effect of all that is that it distracted me enough to take me out of the movie. Honestly, on Netflix, I think I would have enjoyed and appreciated it more, and could have gotten absorbed into the story.

And like everyone anticipating The Irishman, I was salivating about finally getting the Pacino/De Niro pairing that the world has been wishing for since 1974 (not counting two scenes in Heat), and it's… sort of satisfying, I guess? (But wait… can't Disney get the Russo Brothers to make a new Godfather trilogy, where Pacino and De Niro both appear as badass Force ghosts? I'm just saying, let's not dismiss the idea out of hand until we've seen a treatment.) More than definitive opinions on The Irishman, I'm left with what-ifs: What if the movie had been made 20 years ago? What if the script had been tightened up? What if the digital effects looked good? What if John Cazale was still alive and made an appearance? What if I could have paused the movie for 60 damn seconds to make a Pop-Tart? It could have been the greatest movie of all time.

The genre fanatics and fanboys/girls (other than the Marvel acolytes) are picking Joker. It's not the obvious choice, but having the most overall nominations automatically puts Joker in the Best Picture race. It doesn't pose a realistic threat to win, but the sheer popularity of it will garner some votes. Did the world really need yet another movie about the Joker and the death of Bruce Wayne's parents? Probably not. (With Jared Leto, definitely not.) The world didn't ask for it, but we got it anyway, and it turned out to be pretty incredible. And from the least likely source: Todd Phillips, the middle-to-low-brow filmmaker behind broad comedies like Old School (one of my all-time favorites) and The Hangover. And Phillips took the most obvious but least likely approach: to tell it as an serious, realistic, dramatic origin story of a man, comprehensible but not sympathetic, unable to fit in anywhere and disturbed beyond his breaking point, set in a superpower-less world, without even a mention of Batman. The Dark Knight this ain't. I'm completely on board, but have some issues with the third act; and beyond that, I can't even formulate an opinion about the confounding yet entrancing ending. Weirdly, the film doesn't quite deliver the promise of the trailer, which is a shame. I'm not giving my Best Picture vote to Joker, but I would probably vote for the trailer for Best Short Film.

The East Coast literati are picking Marriage Story. Both Marriage Story and The Irishman are long shots, but being Netflix films makes their odds even longer. The streamer tried more a palatable release strategy than it had for Roma; it gave these films month-long theatrical runs before putting them online. But we know from experience that the Academy is wary of crowning a Netflix film as Best Picture. Marriage Story is a fantastic, brainy, wrenching film, to be sure (sprinkled with lighter notes of life's absurd realities to keep the weight of it bearable), but I have a big issue with it: believability. Not that the couple is getting divorced, but that Scarlett Johansson would marry that clown Adam Driver to begin with.

And don't get me started with the kid in Marriage Story. I'm still waiting for the movie that shows a home that looks like children actually live there. If you've ever been to planet Earth, you know that homes with kids look like they've been taken over by raccoons… who are hoarders… with unlimited access to Amazon Prime. If movies were realistic, you wouldn't be able to see counter tops, rugs, tops of dining room tables, or clear paths to children's closets. The homes would basically all look like Grey Gardens. Where are the stalagmites of spilled cereal calcified to the floor? Where are the brand new books that already look like they've been attacked by hyenas? Where are the single, unmatched socks tossed in every conceivable location except a hamper? Where is the rotten food buried under piles of Legos? Where are the magic marker doodles on the screen of the iPad? Where is the foul diaper stench that is obvious to everyone except the parents? Where is the tinkle sprayed everywhere EXCEPT the inside of the toilet? Where is the pacifier stuck in the chandelier? Where are the footprints on the INSIDE of the roof of the car? Where are the crumpled up art projects from school that nobody gives a damn about? If most families' homes were ransacked by the Home Alone robbers, the parents literally wouldn't notice the difference.

And come to think of it… what kind of kid doesn't bite, scratch, talk back, throw food, scream for no reason, call anyone an a-hole, melt down over Minecraft, or tell his parents in a sweet voice, "You're not on the Naughty List… because you're on the Stupid List"? This boy in Marriage Story never even once tells his mom or dad that they are ruining his life (even though they kind of are). So, is there anything in the movie I could relate to? Well, maybe arguing with your child about Halloween costumes? I mean, you come up with an amazing group Halloween costume, and you've gotten explicit agreement from your children, and then the kids change their minds the day before and refuse to participate and want to wear something dumb instead and totally ruin the whole thing, ruin the whole holiday, hell, ruin the whole year. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STICK TO MY AMAZING PLAN?? Nope, nothing I can relate to.

As for the remaining nominees… The book clubs are picking Little Women. The comedy fans and Hitler impersonators are picking Jojo Rabbit. Gearheads (especially Ferrari Club members that don't own Ferraris) are picking Ford V Ferrari. None stand a chance in this category.

Everybody else is picking 1917. Here are my estimations for each of the contenders winning Best Picture: 1917 - 60%, Parasite - 25%, Once Upon A Time - 11%, Irishman - 2%, Joker - 2%. Bet on it.

BEST ACTOR:

SHOULD WIN: Joaquin Phoenix (Joker) WILL WIN: Joaquin Phoenix (Joker) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Robert De Niro (The Irishman) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: George MacKay (1917)

I'm sorry, I need to get this out of the way right off the bat: Adam Driver is a total waste of time, in Marriage Story or anything else.

Joaquin Phoenix is going to win the Oscar, and I couldn't be more conflicted. His support is strong with the Academy, but it's not without some trepidation. From a career perspective, he makes a lot of sense for voters: With his fourth nomination (plus a couple of narrow misses), people feel he's due; it's one of Phoenix's most transformative and immersive roles; with the boffo box office and impact on popular culture (and potential sequels), it will remain in the consciousness for years; Leonardo DiCaprio already has an Oscar; and the other nominees are de facto also-rans. As much as it pains me to say it, Phoenix deserves it. With films like this, Walk The Line, and Her, I begrudgingly admit that he can be, on occasion, phenomenal; and other times, he makes I'm Still Here. As for his secretive process for the Joker, he dropped a big hint when he said, "My significant other right now is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personality disorder and self-obsession." That would do it.

And of course, there is the inevitable Heath Ledger vs. Joaquin Phoenix debate, which will annoyingly factor into voting. When Phoenix matches Ledger with an Oscar victory, what happens to the argument? It's an unsolvable puzzle that the Joker himself would love. Here's the real question: What if their situations were reversed? If Phoenix's performance was first and had died right after, while Ledger's portrayal came along 10 years later and he was still living? It's easy: Phoenix's performance would be considered superior, hands down. And I'm not so sure Ledger would have won the Oscar. (Cue the readership rage.)

It's a meme come true! The internet got its wish when Jonathan Pryce was cast as his papal doppelganger, Pope Francis, in The Two Popes. (Look up the comparisons from when Francis was elected in 2013.) He's the least likely nominee to win, but I was close to choosing him as my personal pick. He's mesmerizing as a soft-spoken yet opinionated cardinal (not yet the pope) at odds with Anthony Hopkins' Pope Benedict XVI, in the days leading up to Benedict's resignation. He's a man dealing with internal and external crises of character and church, but to his credit, Pryce does not externalize it into an emotional performance. It's measured, and funny, and feels real. (The Welshman's Argentinian accent, however, is… rough. And while he tried to learn some Spanish for the role, most of his Spanish dialogue was dubbed by a native speaker, and it's glaringly obvious.) After spending most of his career playing a slight variation on the same meek everyman (which made him the least-threatening Bond villain of all time), his roles recently have been the best, juiciest, and most versatile of his career. (By the way, how did I miss the fact that Phoenix played Jesus Christ in a movie in 2018? Get these Best Actor nominees together, and the casting for the inevitable Two Popes sequel is already done.)

Pryce and Antonio Banderas are two of the nicest surprises of the awards season. They're both a couple of prolific, reliable vets who have never really been Oscar-fare guys, and aren't exactly drawing the attention they once were. It's really refreshing to see them both get some career-validating recognition with their first nominations. Heading into nomination day, I assumed only one (or neither) would get nominated, so I was thrilled to see them both chosen over more conventional (and more decorated) nominees. (And, it freed up my Snubbed award.) Banderas's character in Pain And Glory is an understated, nuanced performance, as his recent Spanish roles tend to be, but not typical compared to the more bombastic roles we're used to seeing him play in the U.S. It's perfect for the film, itself an introspective, personal story from Pedro Almodóvar, uncharacteristically simpler than the films he's most known for. Decades after he should have racked up all the awards for the brilliant Desperado, Banderas is finally going to the Oscars. And Antonio… bring your guitar.

I'm getting soft. I'm becoming numb to my dislike of Leonardo DiCaprio. He almost doesn't single-handedly ruin movies for me anymore. He's been in enough great movies (and actually been decent in a few of them), that I hardly even roll my eyes in annoyance at the mere sight of him at this point. Case in point: Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood. He's there. He's fine. He has two commendable scenes, and several other dynamic ones with the rest of the cast. That's it. The movie is good, but I can't help but feel it would be better with someone else. (Ditto Brad Pitt.)

As blasphemous as it sounds, I'm going to say it: I think Robert De Niro needs to hang it up. It's almost getting too painful to watch. Between The Irishman and Joker, he managed to sweep my Gloriously Omitted awards this year, which is no easy feat. He just looks so inert in damn near every scene in The Irishman. He's misguidedly supposed to play a much younger man through most of the movie, and you want to picture Johnny Boy or Jake La Motta or even Jimmy Conway, but instead you're seeing… Abe Vigoda. I’m putting him in the same Time To Retire category as Harrison Ford (I mean, in his upcoming movie The Call Of The Wild, it looks like the only co-star they could get for Ford is a badly-CGI'd dog). I would have also put Nick Nolte in this category, but he's redeemed himself with The Mandalorian. I have spoken.

There are a lot of actors in the running for my Snubbed pick this year: Eddie Murphy in Dolemite Is My Name, Roman Griffin Davis in Jojo Rabbit, Himesh Patel in Yesterday, Paul Walter Hauser in Richard Jewell. But ultimately, I'm going with George MacKay in 1917. For all the talk of technical and directorial accomplishments, MacKay carries the film on his shoulders. The movie simply doesn't work if he's not fantastic.

BEST ACTRESS:

SHOULD WIN: Renée Zellweger (Judy) WILL WIN: Renée Zellweger (Judy) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Taylor Swift (Cats) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Awkwafina (The Farewell)

Somewhere over the rainbow, Judy Davis is unimpressed… but Renée Zellweger is going to skip away with the Oscar for Judy. Every so often, a role comes along where the performer is so spot-on that they win the Oscar based on the movie's preview alone, before the movie even comes out, months before award season (like Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln, Helen Mirren in The Queen, Mo'Nique in Precious, Gary Oldman in Darkest Hour, or Jamie Foxx in Ray). When the Judy trailer debuted, everyone who matters (myself included) watched her clang-clang-clang with tipsy grandeur in a gilded pantsuit and half-inch eyelashes -- the Judy-est damned Judy Garland you ever saw -- and instantly said, "Yep, that's it." Throw in the fact that it's an emotional story about a beloved and tragic Hollywood icon, plus Zellweger's overexaggerated-yet-oddly-appealing comeback narrative, and the race was over before it began. The real question is whether it will break the record for Most Oscar Votes Submitted By People Who Didn't Even Watch The Movie. (The current record-holder is Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady.) In fact, I think the only Academy member who's actually watched the film is Liza Minnelli.

The only contender here that's going to pull any votes from Zellweger is Charlize Theron, for her universally lauded role in the divisively polarizing film Bombshell. Theron is riding a late-breaking wave of acclaim, has consistently matched Zellweger nomination-for-nomination, and has many critics trumpeting this as her best work. Further helping her cause, Zellweger already has an Oscar (for Cold Mountain), so she's not getting any lifetime-achievement votes. If Theron herself had not already won (for Monster), she might actually be in the running. But let's face it, even in her best hair and heels, Megyn Kelly just isn't going to compete with Judy Garland, whether it's on the screen, in a drag show, or at the Oscars.

It's almost a shame that Zellweger has been such a wire-to-wire favorite, because Scarlett Johansson is absolutely remarkable in Marriage Story. If I had a seat in the Academy, I would know that intellectually I needed to vote for Zellweger… but I would probably vote for Johansson anyway. I've never seen her so grounded, endearing, and, frankly, repellent. Her task is daunting: Beyond playing a woman slowly being torn apart at the seams during a divorce, she has to be flawed, supportive, tough, loving, conniving, sympathetic, perplexed, hurt, supportive, lovely, guarded, longing, angry, nurturing, vicious, unglamorous… and most of all, able to elicit empathy from the audience -- all without smiling, AND with shorter hair than Adam Driver. Johansson has long been considered a talented and strong screen presence, but as recently as Avengers last summer, nobody was touting her as an Oscar-caliber actress. And of course, now she has not one but two nominations (with her supporting turn in Jojo Rabbit). It's a nice payoff on the promise we saw early in her adult career, before the rom-coms and superhero flicks, boasting films like Ghost World, Lost In Translation, and Girl With A Pearl Earring. So, she won't win here, but there's always next year… Is it too much to hope that her upcoming Black Widow origin story, besides ass-kicking and acrobatics, includes a messy divorce, a nasty custody battle, World War II drama, and maybe even an imaginary Nazi?

I was glad to see Cynthia Erivo nominated for her titular role in Harriet, but I honestly thought she'd be more of a threat here. When this project about legendary heroine Harriet Tubman was announced, starring a Broadway headliner, it figured to be a favorite for Best Picture and a shoo-in for Best Actress. I penciled her in for my Nomination Locks immediately. The film debuted to strong buzz, but as the season went on, and other films and performances dominated the scene, the buzz quieted. The film missed out on most accolades, and while Erivo managed some key nominations, she missed out on a few others, casting her Oscar nomination in doubt. A lesser prognosticator may have been surprised when her name was called on Nomination Morn, but I never wavered. Am I just as confident that she will prevail at the ceremony? Well… If she does in fact win (for Actress or Original Song), the erstwhile Color Purple star will make some interesting history: the youngest person to achieve an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony), and in the shortest amount of time (five years). And if she doesn't win, is it too soon to hope for another Harriet Tubman movie, based on the 30 Rock episode, directed by Tracy Morgan, starring a completely crazy Octavia Spencer?

Probably the least surprising name in the mix this year (or any year) is the one almost no Americans can pronounce: Saoirse Ronan. With her fourth nomination at the ripe old age of 25, we can pretty much count on an awards contender (or a Timothée Chalamet collaboration, or both) pretty much every year for the foreseeable future. Her nomination for Little Women seemed inevitable, even when she missed out on a Screen Actors Guild nod. This isn't her year, but when she hits nomination number five, it's going to start getting really hard not to give it to her… at the washed-up lifetime-achievement age of, you know, 26.

Awkwafina is my clear pick for Ingloriously Snubbed this year, for her surprising, powerful, and grounded turn in The Farewell. Other welcome inclusions would have been Lupita Nyong'o in Us, Alfre Woodard in Clemency, and Ana de Armas in Knives Out.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

SHOULD WIN: Anthony Hopkins (The Two Popes) WILL WIN: Brad Pitt (Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Robert De Niro (Joker) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Willem Dafoe (The Lighthouse)

Well, my #AnybodyButBrad campaign is not going well. This is a category of absolute legends, and Brad Pitt is who we're picking?? It's frankly insulting. And you people (yes, you all!) are enabling this. I'm sorry, smiling is not acting. He had two good (okay, fantastic) scenes in Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood. But that was all. And we can agree, he's been a lot better in a lot of other movies. Part of the push is that he's the only nominee who hasn't won an Oscar for acting, so… we should reward him for being the least talented actor in the group? (By the way, he actually does have an Oscar, for producing 12 Years A Slave; but let's be honest, all he probably did was lend his name to secure meetings and woo financiers.) It's clear to me now that everyone is insane except me. You can make any argument you want for Once Upon A Time, but for me it comes down to this: I don't want to live in a world where Brad Pitt can beat up Bruce Lee.

The statistics and history with this group of nominated actors are fascinating (to me, but probably nobody else). The group (Tom Hanks, Anthony Hopkins, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, Pitt) collectively boasts 30 nominations and six wins. Aside from Pitt, the last time any of these heavyweights was nominated was 2001, and the last victory was Hanks in Forrest Gump a quarter of a century ago. (As I'm typing this, I’m painfully realizing that some younger readers have probably never heard of these actors.) Pacino achieved his ninth nomination this year (his first in 27 years), putting him in third place for most male acting nominations; only Jack Nicholson (12) and Laurence Olivier (10) scored more. And if he wins, he'll have won in both Lead and Supporting Actor categories, joining a short list of nobodies with names like Lemmon, Washington, Hackman, and De Niro. (And it's worth nothing, lest any of these young whippersnappers get too impressed with their haul of nominations, that 87-year-old composer John Williams has almost double the nominations that the group has combined, having notched his 52nd nomination -- the most for any living person -- for scoring the latest Star Wars movie.)

I'm casting my dissenting vote for Anthony Hopkins, the longest odds to actually win. We take his thespian prowess for granted, and as a result I think we forget how amazing he actually is. In The Two Popes, as Pope Benedict XVI, he's unequivocally at the top of his game. His accent is iffy, but his characterization and physicality are remarkable. And his papal odd-couple pairing with Jonathan Pryce is a match made in… well, you know. Their scenes together are absolutely electric, especially their initial sit-down scene in the garden. Ostensibly, it's just two old men talking, but really, it's so much more; we SEE them quarrelling, debating, poking, out-witting, insulting, joking, and one-upping, but we FEEL them jousting, swiping, dancing, circling, assessing, piercing, and wounding. It's an exhausting prize fight, and they literally never touch. Maybe it's because he knows he has no shot at winning, but Hopkins isn't exactly wooing voters by demystifying his acting technique: "I don't research. It wasn’t difficult for me to play old because I am old. Acting for me has become dead easy. It’s not brain surgery." Tips from the master.

My favorite nomination here belongs to Joe Pesci for The Irishman. Considering he came out of a 20-year retirement to do the film, and totally nails the character, it's a wonderful capper to his career. It's intriguing to look back at his career with some perspective. He became kind of ubiquitous for being Joe Pesci (or for the public's perception of Joe Pesci), but he was actually in a remarkably small number of movies. And despite his career not taking off until he was in his late 40s, he became one of the most impressive actors of his generation. Even if you discount Raging Bull in 1981, he had an astonishing run of movies from 1989 to 1995, which included: Lethal Weapon 2, Goodfellas, Home Alone, JFK, My Cousin Vinny, A Bronx Tale, and Casino. He literally made a classic every year. And Goodfellas and Home Alone, two of the most iconic films of all time, were released a mere month apart in 1990. Then, only nine years into his hot streak, after Lethal Weapon 4 in 1998, he retired. (Though honestly, EVERYONE involved in Lethal Weapon 4 probably should have retired.) It's nice to see him one more time, reunited with a legendary director, putting a new twist on the old Joe. The things you do for money (and Scorsese).

Al Pacino is nominated for playing Jimmy Hoffa in The Irishman, and for being Al Pacino. I wouldn't pick him to win, but I’m on board with the nomination. Given his age, he should be playing Hoffa's father, but at least he, unlike Robert De Niro, looks like he's having fun in the movie. For my money, Nicholson was more convincing in looks and demeanor in his (nomination-less) portrayal of the legendary teamster boss in the 1992 film Hoffa, but Pacino makes up for it in charisma. Though I suppose it could have used at least one "Hoo-AAAAH!"

Tom Hanks is back in the mix for A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, now that he only portrays real-life celebrities in movies. After playing Captain Sully and Walt Disney, I guess the only sunnier and squeakier role left was Mr. Rogers. I realize he's getting loads of acclaim for this part, but I have a hard time buying him in these non-fiction roles. He's become a person so famous for disappearing into characters that he can no longer disappear into the character of a famous person. I don’t know who he can possibly play after this; unless they make a movie about Tom Hanks, he might be forced to retire.

I'm sorry, how is Willem Dafoe not winning his first Oscar for his totally bonkers role in The Lighthouse? How is he not even nominated? He's crazy, the premise is crazy, the camerawork is crazy, the, uh, mermaid parts are crazy, the whole movie's crazy, you're crazy, I'm crazy, the entire world is crazy. A couple other roles I was cheering for (which were a lot less likely, but not much less crazy): Wesley Snipes for Dolemite Is My Name and Ray Liotta for Marriage Story. Both of them were borderline certifiable, and pretty much exactly how I would hope they would be in real life.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

SHOULD WIN: Kathy Bates (Richard Jewell) WILL WIN: Laura Dern (Marriage Story) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Anna Paquin (The Irishman) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Jennifer Lopez (Hustlers)

After sweeping the awards circuit, it's clear that Laura Dern will win by a landslide for her role in Marriage Story… but I'm still trying to figure out exactly why. There's no denying she's great -- it's a fun, sharp, duplicitous turn. Her character is a viper in stilettos, and she leans into it. But she just seemed like Laura Dern, if Laura Dern had a penchant for using legal jargon, manipulating old men, and putting the screws to soon-to-be-unmarried fathers. Basically, divorce lawyer Laura Dern looks and sounds a lot like talk-show guest Laura Dern. In her defense, I will say she complemented the other actors, and led a cast of spectacularly over-the-top supporting players, including Julie Hagerty, Merritt Wever, Alan Alda, Martha Kelly, and Ray Liotta. It helps that she's on a hot streak of prestige TV shows, Little Women, an upcoming return to the Jurassic Park franchise, and of course, Star Wars (I still don't understand why a droid couldn't have piloted her suicide mission; I mean, C-3PO was standing right there until he quietly backed away, but whatever). The only Oscar justification I've heard from insiders is, "It's her time." Compelling. But I guess this year that's good enough.

Why not Kathy Bates, for her role in Richard Jewell? It's possibly her best deep-south, wigged-out, overprotective mama bear role since The Waterboy. On second thought… can we just give her an honorary Oscar for The Waterboy?

While I’m stumping for Scarlett Johansson in Marriage Story, I'm not quite as high on her nomination for Jojo Rabbit. It's a refreshing characterization to be sure, veering opposite the obvious saccharine choices she could have made for the role, portraying a mother trying to raise her son and make some sense (and jokes) out of life in wartime Nazi Germany. However, I can confidently say that her nomination is more for the pivotal impact her character has on the movie, rather than the performance itself. But all things considered, with two nominations, the highest grossing movie of all time, a Captain Marvel cameo, a trailer for her own superhero movie, and (yet another) engagement, she's had quite a year.

I thought Margot Robbie might have a tough time scoring a nomination this year; it seemed like strong campaigns for Bombshell and Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood might cannibalize each other and cancel each other out. (She actually managed to score BAFTA nominations for both, but Oscar rules preclude actors from being nominated multiple times in the same category.) The meatier role in Bombshell won out, but any role would lose to Dern overall.

You had to figure someone from the supporting cast of Little Women would get a nomination here, whether it was Florence Pugh, Emma Watson, or Meryl What's-her-face. Meryl never stood a chance.

The person I would probably vote for is the one person everyone expected to be here and is also the one person who isn't here. I am personally bummed for Jennifer Lopez. I think it's easy to forget what a fantastic, dynamic actress Lopez was, early in her career, before J.Lo and Jenny From The Block and celebrity marriages and pop-stardom and brutal rom-coms and Super Bowl halftime shows and all the Razzies (so many Razzie nominations - 10 of them!). Back in films like Selena and Out Of Sight, she was the real deal. And even through the Razzie years, she has always been a smart actress with abundant charisma. So a nomination for Hustlers would have been nice validation for a long, productive, far-from-dull (and far-from-over) career. And, by the way, she's outstanding in the film. It's exactly the right role (acting and producing) at the right time in her career (and it also helps that she's effectively ageless). The film was a bit of a gamble: a "gangster" film about female strippers that has more in common with Goodfellas than Showgirls. The film basically dares audiences to root for the "bad guys" when they are women, and dares critics to praise a movie as "cool" when it's driven by women committing crimes and manipulating people. (A quick scan of the 'greatest films of all time' reminds us that we've been doing both for men for a century.) And of course, the gamble paid off in spades. A nomination would have been icing on the cake. My gut tells me conspiracy… How many of her exes are voting members of the Academy, anyway? (Looking at you, Ben.)

Honorable mentions for the Snubbed Choice: Annette Bening for The Report and Lily James for Yesterday. I really thought Bening would challenge for the prize, which would have been her (overdue) first, but her campaign never really caught on. And James de-glammed (slightly) to play the heart (to Himesh Patel's soul) in the Beatles love letter.

BEST DIRECTOR:

SHOULD WIN: Sam Mendes (1917) WILL WIN: Sam Mendes (1917) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Tom Hooper (Cats) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Rian Johnson (Knives Out)

This category could be ripe for an upset… by pretty much anyone. All indictors point to Sam Mendes being a lock for 1917: He won the Director's Guild Award (the most accurate predictor of any award in any category), he also won all the other lead-up awards, and everyone pretty much agrees his film was the most technically challenging of the bunch. And I've got to say, the praise is warranted. It's an emotional, visceral, non-stop assault, in the best possible way. Of course, much of the credit goes to cinematographer Roger Deakins. But Mendes's meticulous planning of every single camera move and unbroken continuity thrusts the viewer, almost unwillingly, into the dizzying melee, physically and mentally. The Oscar is rightfully his. But still, there is some doubt. He's already got an Oscar (for American Beauty), and this is only his second directing nomination. Given the company in this category, is it right that he go two-for-two? Is he as great as Martin Scorsese or as influential as Quentin Tarantino? And he's only directed eight feature-length films in his entire career, so isn't he just plain lazy? On top of all that, he got to direct the James Bond films that Tarantino always wanted to. I mean, is any of that fair?

I think Bong Joon Ho stands the best chance of pulling off an upset, especially if there's a Picture/Director split. He was a long-shot early in the race, but he's quickly gaining ground, and there's an X-factor here that can't be quantified: He seems to have tapped into something that people keep talking about (the film shot up IMDB's all-time Top Rated Movies list almost instantly), his film is becoming more of a global phenomenon by the day, he and his cast have charmed at all the festivals and award shows, and people in the industry are flat-out rooting for him. And while Mendes, Tarantino, and Martin Scorsese already have Oscars, he's a first-time nominee who has been adored by critics for years (I mean, who doesn't love a good sledgehammer-shattering-a-frozen-arm scene?). But the big thing that will thwart his bid is the splitting of the "cool" vote: Many of the people that want to vote for Bong also want to vote for….

…Quentin Tarantino, who also has a real shot with Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood, and it has more to do with legacy than his film. He has two Oscars, but they're both for screenwriting (and he may have a third before the night is over); he does not have a statuette for directing. The big question in everyone's mind is: Will history look favorably on the Academy if Tarantino -- thought by many to be one of the most influential (if not one of the flat-out greatest) directors of his generation -- never wins a Best Director Oscar? Tarantino has shrewdly said that he's only planning to make one more movie before he retires (and it may be a Star Trek flick). To voters, that means: The clock is ticking, and this might be the last chance to bestow the honor. While I don't think that sentiment will carry a victory, it will undoubtedly be a factor. For my personal choice, as is often the case, this comes down to Who Do I Think DESERVES To Win vs. Who Do I WANT To Win? No question, I think Mendes deserves to win… buuuuut, I'm rooting for Tarantino. If he had simply won for Pulp Fiction (which will likely hold up as his most revered film 50 years from now), we wouldn't be in this mess.

You also can't quite count out Martin Scorsese, for The Irishman. His ninth Best Director nomination pushes him past Billy Wilder for second-most all time (William Wyler leads with 12). A win would be shocking, but then again, if you took a poll of cinephiles and asked who is more deserving of two career Oscars, Scorsese or Mendes, the vote would probably be unanimous for Scorsese. Early on, it looked like the race was his to lose, when his film debuted for a short theatrical run, and critics and devotees rhapsodized about a definitive masterwork (well, those who stayed awake, anyway). But once the film hit the masses on Netflix, and every-day account leeches were less enthusiastic, Scorsese slipped back into the middle of the pack.

I can't help but wonder, will Scorsese's "controversial" comments about superhero movies not being cinema cost him votes? I mean, people really freaked out about that, and both the internet and legitimate Hollywood players clapped back loudly. Give me a break. I don't necessarily agree with him, but let the man talk. He was off-handedly asked his opinion about Marvel movies in an interview (along with a lot of other topics), and he simply replied. And people went bananas. It's not like he's out on Twitter trolling people or inserting his opinion where it's not invited. He is unquestionably one of the greatest filmmakers of all time, and also one of the greatest film historians of all time. I'd be willing to say that no single person on the planet knows cinema better than he does, and perhaps nobody alive has left a bigger imprint on cinema than he has. I think the man has earned the right to have an opinion on the subject. If Scorsese wants to tell me that home videos of my kids on my phone lack substance, stakes, and three-dimensional characters, I'd say he's well within his right. So before writing an aggrieved blog post attacking him, I would think twice about whether I was even qualified to make the argument. (But since I'm ALSO one of the preeminent minds on cinema, I am certainly qualified to shout my opinion and slam anyone I want online. Oh, hey, look, I just wrote an article doing exactly that.)

And as far-fetched as it seems, Todd Phillips is also in the mix, for Joker. The film surprisingly has the most nominations, with 11. That momentum often carries over into unexpected categories. I never really thought of Phillips as a visual storyteller or a master of tone, but with Joker he's a revelation. In a year where the Joker is the hero, I guess anything is possible.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:

SHOULD WIN: Rian Johnson (Knives Out) WILL WIN: Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Julian Fellowes (Downton Abbey) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: M. Night Shyamalan (Glass)

Might we see a tie for Original Screenplay? It looks like a dead heat between Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood) and Bong Joon Ho and Jin Won Han (Parasite). And we don't have the benefit of the Writers Guild Award to tip us off: Parasite won the trophy, but Tarantino famously does not belong to the WGA, and therefore is not eligible for their prize. In the last couple days, most of the respected pundits have switched their prediction to Parasite, but this disrespected pundit is sticking to Once Upon A Time. (And I already have a bad feeling about it.)

We're all in this together, and we're all screwed: That's what Parasite is saying. At least, that's what I think it's saying. Or could be saying. Or maybe, isn't saying. Okay, I have no idea. And anybody that says they know exactly what Parasite is about is lying. Nobody knows. I'm telling you, you don't know! And I think that may be part of the point, from the little I've been able to cobble together from writer/director Bong and co-writer Jin. What can we even call this thing that they have created? A parable? Metaphor? Satire? Allegory? All of the above? If there's a lesson, I have no idea what it is, and I'm not sure there is one. Bong gives us a hint in the final, pessimistic shot; but he's also said, somewhat paradoxically, that he prefers action to inaction. At face value, I think Bong is articulating in the film: I see difficult things in society, in the world, between people, and this story is figuratively how awful they make me feel -- the visual embodiment of the pathos. To me that's valid (if the story is not taken literally), and potentially powerful. The film certainly gives me anxiety, and makes me more anxious the more I think about it, especially because most of it could have been easily avoided by characters making different decisions. (In fact, I'm getting anxious right now just writing about it.) I'm also bothered by the fact that it's easier to point out problems than offer realistic solutions, and other than violence (which I don't think Bong is endorsing), there are no readily-identifiable solutions. Something I keep coming back to: The film seems to dare you to find guilt or choose a side, and by doing so, it seems you might actually be tricked into endorsing a guilty party and condemning yourself. If that's the case, what is this thing they've created? A trap.

Almost no readers get this far in my article, so I'm not too worried about giving away spoilers. But if by the grace of god you are still reading, and you haven't seen 1917, SPOILERS AHEAD: SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH. Screenplay is widely considered the weakest element of 1917, and is the one award that the film definitely won't win. Its script is seen by many as a mere blueprint for the mechanics of the camera, and undoubtedly tells a simple story, but I honestly don't think Sam Mendes and Krysty Wilson-Cairns get enough credit for it. I can't help but wonder, is the story any better if my theory on the ending is correct? SPOILER: First of all, my theory is totally wrong. I've found absolutely no evidence supporting it online, from critics, or from people who have seen the movie, and my tweets to Mendes have gone sadly unanswered and un-re-tweeted. But I'm sticking to it! In the final shot, the soldier walks away from the army hospital, and sits down at a tree; the camera pans around 180 degrees to show his face and what's behind him… which is nothing. No army hospital anymore. Just an empty field. So… is he really there? Is he dead? Does he die when he encounters the sniper and the screen goes black, and never awakens from unconsciousness? Are all the remaining characters, who appear in a foggy, dream-like nightscape, just projections as he journeys to the afterlife? Are his wife and child also already dead? Is that what her inscription, "Come back to us," really suggests? Yes? Yes? No?? Ah, the hell with you people.

The script for Noah Baumbach's Marriage Story (a totally fictional "personal" story focused on a New York writer that is totally not at all based, like, at all, on his totally-coincidental divorce from actress Jennifer Jason Leigh; again, no parallels whatsoever) is somewhat about the end of a marriage, but mostly about dialogue. The ostentatious wordiness is what makes it endearing and scathing and clever, but is at times also a hinderance and a little too clever. It's no surprise; after all, Baumbach is a graduate of the esteemed Wes Anderson School Of Stylized Dialogue. Don't writers know that writers don't talk the way they write? Half of it feels real, and the other half feels cutesy and New York writer-y. (I prefer Midwestern writer-y, where they take ten times as long as necessary to make a simple point. In other words, they make the same point again and again without adding anything valuable. Multiple times.)

It's hard not to watch Marriage Story without thinking Adam Driver is Kylo Ren without a helmet (he was just as whiny, self-absorbed, and immature as his Star Wars counterpart). Come to think of it, I think I'd rather see this movie with Driver as Kylo Ren and Scarlett Johansson as her Avengers character Black Widow. That dude would never stand a chance. Imagine it…

STAR WARS: EPISODE X - MARRIAGE ENDGAME Kylo Ren is sulking on a Star Destroyer, considering ending his marriage. The Avengers helicarrier lands. Black Widow jumps out. KYLO REN (tears in eyes): I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Black Widow unsheathes a katana sword and swiftly cuts off Ren's head. She licks the blade. BLACK WIDOW: Consider that a divorce. FADE OUT.

(If you like that, you'll love my other Star Wars script, Millennial Falcon: It's the story of a spaceship that doesn't want to jump to hyperspace because that's not really its passion, expects to be able to make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs without any hard work, and prefers to be called just "Falcon" because it doesn't believe in labels. "May the Force be with you." "Okay, boomer.")

Rian Johnson's Knives Out is the least likely to win, but is my personal favorite. Incredible movie, incredible cast, incredible direction, incredible cinematography… but most of all, incredible script. It's cool to see the accolades for Johnson after making slick, underappreciated films like Brick and Looper. (And it almost makes me want to forgive him for his mess of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Almost.)

With my snubbed choice, I'm going with a curveball… Glass, from M. Night Shyamalan. The capper in the Unbreakable Trilogy, the film is a lot better than the critical reviews and January dumping-ground release date would lead you to believe. It's a fascinating, slick, melancholy resolution to a film series that was ahead of its time. (Go back and watch Unbreakable, and see how much of the "reality-based" comic-book/superhero craze it presaged.) As smart as it is, it unfortunately lacks charisma and fun, so it's probably too heavy for what audiences expected from a PG-13 superhero flick. But I'm sticking up for it, all the way to the Oscars. (Other worthy original scripts include The Farewell by Lulu Wang, Us by Jordan Peele, and Yesterday by Jack Bart and Richard Curtis.)

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:

SHOULD WIN: Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit) WILL WIN: Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Jeff Nathanson (The Lion King) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely (Avengers: Endgame)

With the top three candidates for Picture and Director duking it out in the Original Screenplay category, Adapted Screenplay is open for someone else to pick up a prize. But who? It's going to be close between Taika Waititi for Jojo Rabbit and Greta Gerwig for Little Women. Waititi's win at the Writers Guild Awards would seem to tip the scales heavily in his favor. However, the WGA was just voting on screenplay, while the Academy is notorious for compensating across categories, and will give Gerwig plenty of votes for her Best Director snub. A week ago, I would have predicted a win for Gerwig. But in a tight race like this, history tells us to follow the guilds. So I'll go with Waititi by a (Hitler) mustache.

And in case you hadn't noticed, Waititi is everywhere. Besides being a quadruple threat (writing, directing, co-starring, producing) for Jojo Rabbit, in the past year he directed and did a voice for Star Wars: The Mandalorian (which was arguably better than the actual Star Wars movie that came out), wrote/directed/produced the cult hit show What We Do In The Shadows, and was a significant contributor to a little movie called Avengers: Endgame. In his spare time, he's lined up creative roles in more Marvel movies and TV shows, the DC Universe, a new Time Bandits, and (if the rumors are to be believed) a new Star Wars movie. Oh, and he was nominated for a couple Oscars. (Fun fact: These are not his first; he was previously nominated for a short film called Two Cars, One Night in 2005.) He's got my vote for Adapted Screenplay for Jojo Rabbit. Gerwig deserves the praise for her updated take on Little Women, but that film has been re-made over a dozen times (as recently as 2018), so I'm going with Waititi's irreverently fresh, fun, gut-wrenching, and hopeful take on World War II.

Gerwig is in a long-term relationship with fellow nominee Noah Baumbach (Marriage Story) -- and of course, their relationship is also totally not at all an inspiration for his film. They are the latest in a surprisingly long list of couples who have both been nominated in the same year (names like Taylor & Burton, Hepburn & Tracy, Woodward & Newman, and Jolie & Pitt). In the cases where one of them won an Oscar, almost every time, it was a woman. If Baumbach values his career, he'll break up the night before the ceremony. Just imagine if they'd both been nominated for Best Director…

Only an a##hole would relentlessly compare The Irishman to Goodfellas. So here I go… Martin Scorsese (and co-writer Nicholas Pileggi) crafted a perfect ending (and one of the greatest movies of all time) with Goodfellas. Ray Liotta's character escapes with his life, only to spend the rest of it trapped in suburban purgatory, exiled into anonymity, powerless and castrated, complaining to an imaginary audience. The denouement is short, but his anguish is palpable. With The Irishman, Scorsese (and writer Steven Zaillian) unmoor us, letting the audience drift along for the listless (and seemingly endless) conclusion. Compounding that feeling is the fact that Robert De Niro's character is mostly passive throughout the film, so we're sort of forced along on the ride by other characters. Ultimately, we don't really know any more about him at the end than we did at the beginning. Maybe that's the point, but it doesn't really work for me. Overall, the script has a lot to offer, but it felt too loose to be compelling or poignant.

So, they make a movie called The Two Popes, and neither of them was John Paul II? JP2? The Deuce? Papa Due? The guy was a marketing monster in his day. He was so popular, they kept putting him on the Popener years after he died, because Benedict was so dull and not pulling in the sales. (And if you don't know what a Popener is, you need to stop reading this article right now, go to Rome, and buy a bottle opener and with the pope's face on it.) Aside from that transgression, the script by Anthony McCarten is a fantastic, crackling, metaphorical, even funny, piece of work. As a result, the film is engrossing, considering most of it is just two old men talking. You don't even need to know much about Catholicism to enjoy the sparring between these two headstrong leaders debating their ideals while trying to find forgiveness and peace. My one disappointment? No argument over who has the better Popener.

Todd Phillips and Scott Silver's script for Joker is hypnotic in a dread-inducing kind of way, and in the theater caused at least one grown man to grab my leg in fright (you know who you are). But I feel like the last act unraveled a little bit, and the ending, I mean, who the hell knows? Even now, I don't quite know what to make of the film or what it's trying to say. Maybe Charlie Chaplin captured it best, long before the Joker existed: "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in a long-shot."

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