#i was getting 100+ per day
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Any Eda, Raine, or Reada in that beautiful sketchbook of yours? And sorry about the bots stressing you out.
not in my traditional sketchbook, but i do have this raeda piece i never got around to finishing 🥺 plus an owl beast doodle
#my art#myart#the owl house#raeda#toh#tysm btw!!!!!#as for the bots they actually stopped!#i was getting 100+ per day#which was like. not normal? most ppl get like 3? and i was worried my acct was getting targeted or something#i was worried my acct would be flagged for buying followers or smth idk#so i emailed support asking if they had any idea if/why my acct was being targeted#and if there was anything i could do#first they didn’t read the email and just sent me an automated response informing me that i could just block and report 100+ accts per day#and when i replied again i got a passive aggressive response from a real person that boiled down to ‘we don’t know why you’re#being targeted’#which was rlly all i was asking?? 😭#but anyway shortly after that i stopped getting any at all#i am free!#and i apologize to whichever staff member i annoyed by asking lmao#calamitycoyote-reblogs
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A reoccurring thought I had for a while now-
On one hand, I'd like to think someone gave him a hug at least once in those 800 years. On the other, idk who Xie Lian would let himself be vulnerable with
#tgcf spoilers#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#xie lian#bai wuxiang#for reasons i cant explain- no face repeatedly hugging Xie Lian got to me almost as much as the 100 stabs scene#and i really hope Xie Lian gets some nice and consensual hugs (from all his friends. not just Hua Cheng)#someone get this man a weighted blanket#(completely unrelated) not to self promo in my angst post but-#i drew some things i spent a couple days on (per drawing) and they only got like 20 notes#so if yall could check those out and reblog them I'd really appreciate that (all are linked in my masterlist)
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My top songs (of the first half) of 2023
✦ Boys Planet edition ✦
tagged by @lunetual @jikyu @leewonseo @lee-minhoe ty 💕
I've listened to over 300 new releases from over 100 different kpop artists this year so picking my top songs felt like an mnet-level survival show 😭 the irony that i never watched Boys Planet AND one of the songs is literally a Peak Time song is not lost on me ! 🙃 but i wanted to pick a trendy format so here we are 😈 anyways i included albums instead of songs that didn't make the cut since there's too many honorable mention songs that i have had on repeat this year 😭 but most of them are in these 22 albums (oo-li is on here twice and istj isn't out yet !)
if u like my gif template, here's the link ! pls credit me ty <3
tagging (no obligation ofc and if you've already posted will u tag/send me so i can see 🥺): @bahngentertainment @chrisbangs @coupsnim @dakbees @dive-in-the-blue @hannahbahng @hyunfelix @ingblr-s @jinniebit @kyubins @losergirlz @quokki @shorelinnes @starcatching @userjiung @userwoodz @wabisaba @woodziecup @yohanblr + anyone else who wants to share just say that i tagged u <3
#tag game#song recs#flashing tw#*ambiv.gif#ok i didnt have to go so hard but it's the holidays so i had a free day hehe#im actually very proud of my coloring for some of these gifs especially the BSS one .. had to borrow some mvs for the b-sides without vids#anyways yall shouldve seen the spreadsheet i had to use to get to 12.... also the biggest tragedy was number 13 was skz topline :((((((#one thing about me is that even tho i love my noise music i also LOVE my ballads :') and clearly i love my boy groups 👹#i tried to limit to 1 per album & artist except i can't do that to woodz so he got an exception asdfsdfjj OO-LI IS TOO GOOD IT'S UNMATCHED#i have so many other faves..... nct dream best friend .. nine (onlyoneof) beyOnd .. kep1er lvly .. holland number boy .. newjeans omg ..#epex sunshower .. enhypen bills .. dkb more than 100 reasons .. cravity groovy .. boynextdoor one and only .. blitzers macarena ..#billlie eunoia .. bae173 gt .. atbo next to me .. agust d haegeum .. (g)i-dle queencard .. cupid fifty fifty .. golden child weekends ..#ive kitsch .. jinyoung cotton candy .. kim jaehwan lucky! .. lee chaeyeon knock .. mark golden hour .. lun8 wild heart .. nct djj perfume .#sf9 puzzle .. stayc teddy bear .. purple kiss sweet juice .. &team firework .. tripleS rising .. viviz pull up .. xg left & right ..#.......just to name a few slkjdflajfdjlf DO U SEE HOW HARD THIS WAS :'( i DIED !!!#OK BUT IF I DID MISS UR FAVE PLS SEND ME IT I WILL LISTEN
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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when did it become ok to charge $150 for boots made of plastic.
#odhran.txt#like i really wanna get some big stompy platforms. ideally w spikes Nd similar. but theyre all So expensive and None of them are leather#like my blundstones were about $250 but a. i wear them every singke day and theyre the most comfortable shoes in the world#b. the last pair my mom bought lasted literally 10 years#and c. theyre my school and work shoes#like on a purely cost per wear level. theyve more than paid fir themselves#theyre a little banged up but again i wear them Every Day#so yeah since i can (sometimes) afford it i have no problems spending 100+ on a pair of shoes IF I KNOW THEYLL BE WORTH IT#the last pair of boots i bought was 1#$12. for context#but god. the idea of spending That Much money on a pair of shoes that a. im not gonna wear that often and b. ARE PLASTIC. is insane to ms#anyway. rant and verbal compulsion word salad done 👍
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every day the tolkien brainrot gets only worse and this is both entirely unsurprising considering who i am as a person and also leaving my face in a permanent rendition of the shocked pikachu with some disgruntlement mixed in and I just . am so so so so scared of the way this is continuing to take over my life. the last time this happened on this scale i ended up with 90 and counting fics on ao3 with no sign of stopping. i cannot have two of these kinds of brainrots and cling to whatever shreds of my sanity i have left someone please just put me down already
#*mine#the other one is bbc merlin btw. in case that is not abundantly clear#but like. tolkien. it's been half a year. the serotonin just keeps coming there's still SO MUCH to read and discover and sink my teeth into#and i just?? i am having a BLAST but I'm also reading 50-100 pages per day on TOP of breathing through 100-500k fics in DAYS and my writing#brain refuses to focus on anything else and there's secondary lit and i bought an ATLAS and I?????????#like i KNEW. but also how dare this happen to me#god#anyway#i#am going to find some fili-centric fics now and maybe I'll calm down (lol. lmao even)#mona rambles#not tagging fandoms for this just get used to it bc apparently this is my life now
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Its official: can't even laugh about something with my dad before mom makes it about me saying no to lending £150 to them.
#and dad as per-usual isnt helping me just letting it happen#im paying them my usual £100 when i get paid which last i checked IS USED FOR FOOD AS WELL#so where the fuck is it going so fast in one week and a few days?!#why the fuck is it me AGAIN who has to be asked for money#and btw i only have £56 right now!#i get paid 22nd but i can't even look forward to it now because of this shit
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Vyvanse is such a silly little drug. I get up at 11, take it at noon, what's a normal sleep phase I don't know her.
The first hour passes and I'm like "dude nothings happening except me getting sweaty and my heart's going a bit faster" and then I blink and it's another 2 hours later and I've just blitzed doing every chore available to me, organized all my shit for the day, read through 500 tumblr posts, watched some random-ass YouTube clips, and made myself food I don't want to eat because my appetite is suppressed but I know food consumption is a task. It's like all of my ADHD bullshit for the entire day happens at light speed over a few hours.
Then I sit down and can do The Big Task of the day for 5 hours or more and, unlike with a hyperfocus, can remain focused on it even after taking breaks to go do other stuff.
Then the end of the day hits and I'm tired and need to go to sleep but I still feel the Productivity Need so for some reason I watch 50 more "Educational" YouTube videos until it subsides and then finally fall asleep at 2am.
Like. Does it cure my ADHD? Absolutely not. Does it make me less chaotic? No. But does it allow me to consistently channel my ADHD energy productively? Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% sure that's what my doctors were going for when they prescribed it, but I gotta be honest I kinda love it.
#not video games#late nights with ali#nd blogging#actuallyADHD#I'm pretty sure my docs were intending for a bit more... how you say... stability?#but a lot of my ADHD traits don't go away. just the most important one- activation-based executive dysfunction#And honestly without that I think I like the way I function with the rest? usually anyway#If I'm in control of it. I love my hyperfocus. I love my bouncing around chaotically. I love being impulsively spontaneous#don't get me wrong. there are days where I do hate my adhd. when the emotional regulation problems kick in it's hell.#rejection sensitive dysphoria is a bitch. I can forget self care in lieu of 'more important' things. my working memory can fuck me over.#but in comparison to how I lived before medication? it's amazing. and I've learned to be fond of aspects of my disorder#and to live with the ones that are inconvenient. it's so nice honestly#I could do without the sweating and appetite suppression. but it is SO worth it to like my own mind again.#before I was diagnosed I knew I had it. so my only options were self medicating with caffiene and developing an anxiety disorder.#the thing that bypasses the dopamine-based activation is adrenaline-based activation#so I literally just. got so anxious about stuff I needed to do that it would trigger the adrenaline activation where dopamine failed me#I don't think I actually 100% KNEW that's what I was doing per se. but I do think some of my anxiety came from intentional doom spiralling#anyway moral of the story. Vyvanse helps with ADHD is some truly strange ways but at the end of the day it's a fucking miracle#New River Pharmaceuticals developers of lisdexamfetamine I am kissing you on the mouth
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crazy
today morning this little sussy post still had 8 notes
#the little dots on the bottom already mean 50-100 notes per day#this is too much#random mind#i knew the post has a bit of potential#but you guys overrate it#man I get notes all 2 seconds (chill. stop it. its slowly getting too much)
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i think i’m approaching terminal burnout
#can’t quit my job because I’m saddled with 100% of the payments on a $500k mortgage because my brother has been an unemployed neet for 9mos.#can’t take time off of work because there’s no one to cover for me and every day I’d take off just puts me one day (or more)on my work#And it’s work that requires me to stay on a strict schedule because that’s what’s required for nursing homesto continue operating in albert#I have no life outside of work#Don’t even have time to enjoy my acreage#Also was sick for 3 weeks in august and still had to work from home that entire time. No days off and no drop in productivity allowed#And I just constantly get shit on at work. No appreciation just getting criticized#and I have no life outside of work because I fucking work 6 days per week. And my friends are sick of hearing me bitch about it all#And my mom told me last week not to talk to her if I’m going to complain about how bad things are for me lol.#so I guess I’ll just write long winded text posts on tumblr.com and throw them into the void#lol#oh i forgot to mention that I’m also surrounded by I’ll demented and/or dying people on a daily basis so the job is extremely depressing
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Work is literally kicking my ass so hard today like whyyyyy it’s Friday 😭😭
#I rlly don’t like to get too detailed abt my job cause privacy#but this one day per month where we take new applicants is so crazy and busy#so many angry people and sad people and just ughhhhhhh ahhhh#and of course this month it was on a Friday#and I love my coworker I share my office with but she literally makes it so hot in here like it does not need to be 100 degrees#my partner and I are taking a mini road trip to get in n out tonight and that’s the one thing getting me through that lmaoo#personal
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goal for tonight is to get to page 200 of this book. im on page 130 now, so that should be doable...
#if i read 100 pages per day i can finish it by friday#trying to get back into reading after a big reading slump and also the seasonal blues making it hard for my brain to focus on anything#im enjoying this book more than i thought tho. its a really nice blend of historical fantasu and sci fi#if i remembered more celtic mythology i might enjoy it even more but it's been A Minute since I've read any#as in almost 6 years whoops#at least my duolingo irish is paying off cause i can (mentally) pronounce things right (tho i keep double checking the pronunciation guide)
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When ppl in person realize i can draw, and i mention im writing, theyre like: oh are you making a comic? Then when i say no, it took me 30 days to do a 30 page 1 chapter comic last time I tried at 4-6 hours of work a day and ideally id like a turnaround of like one 30 page chapter per 1-2 weeks if i was going to do it long term so. No. I am not making comics any more.
Then theyre like: are u gonna illustrate ur book???
And while i deeply appreciate the sentiment. Its also like... well my good sir madam elder, do u typically... look for adult novels with illustration pages? I mean yes i love illustrations too but im not sure why id draw extra, when im already gonna probably make my own cover, and i want my books to be enough within confines of expected that ppl idk... give em a chance? Idk. Food for thought. Do i illustrate my book chapters mm
#rant#shdhdh#to be fair the person who asked me expected like a 100 page handwritten poem book with illustrations#not a 300-500 page novel when she asked if i was gonna do illustrations#i also like. for my Own indulgence. Considered a sexy Guide Book for my story universe. which is where yeah ALL my#goddamn character design sketches and map art and faerie illustrations and landscape art could go#since. i drew thousands of pictures when making lore lmao#but like. all that art is on paper. and i know itll take like 30 hours to 100 hours JUST SCANNING#pages individually one at a fucking time and saving tjem and. dear god the picture editing on them all#even withiut additional digital coloring is at least 5 minutes per picture. then who knows how many hours formatting a combined book with#all art. and thats before ANY text written. which is why i havent even made an art book. like of just art#hell its why i havent even backed up my 9 sketchbooks of traditional art from the past decade#its so much work its like 2000 pages of art. im just gonna let my family ancestors find iy if i get luxky#and its not desyroyed by the elements (like all my older art was ToT)#tldr my point is: i love love love art and i love the momentary joy it brings ppl i share it with#but as far as like Big output i prefer writing. its easier#art is fine wjen its like im paid to make 1 poster 1 flier 1 card one book cover etc#but ive never been commissioned to do like 20 illustrations ( i would tho! sounds like more money)#so like. on my own time for free as far as high scale takes days of work? id prefer to not do more art
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A hilarious and not untirely unforeseen problem with having gotten back into writing:
I'm at my most creative and productive when I'm kind of tired, so the best way to get something written is to do the first draft after bedtime, and then edit and polish after a good night's sleep.
Except I get carried away and end up staying awake bashing out words and not sleeping, which is something I haven't actually been able to sustain since I hit my thirties. I can't actually pull 24 hours of creative giddiness out of nowhwere and then just sleep it off in one night anymore. I have to sleep or I'll be miserable for the next week, and whatever youthful vigour used to let me stay awake and active when I was tired is long since fled.
I am going to have to find a way to channel that slighty sleepy creative rush into well rested hours.
#I'm averaging about 100 words per day#which is piddly#but it's steady and it's sustainable#but when I'm staying up writing instead of sleeping I can hit the right groove and get five times that out in one go#I know that with enough time and practice I should be able to get 1k down on a Writing Day with minimal disruptions or other responsibiliti#but for now we're just trying to keep doing the thing without fizzling out AGAIN
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feeling chilly in this winter weather? have you tried "having a wave of anxiety so strong it physically jolts your vision?" it'll warm you right up!
#so anyways work is being fun#as per usual#fortunately for me i leave this position in a month and nine days#not that i'm counting (i'm 100% counting) (rant incoming)#i have nothing to do 99% of the time which drives me insane#other 1% are massive undertakings that i am not equipped or trained for that my manager springs last-minute with a 'figure it out'#i am not built for improvisation or inactivity so this has been a special kind of hell for me. it's like being in a pressure cooker#it would be easier if i had gotten training. any kind of training at all. it would've been so nice if anyone at any point did that#i'm trying so hard to learn. i ask and ask and ask and get blown off#and then get yelled at in front of everyone when i fall short at doing something even my manager doesn't know how to do. i'm trying so hard#anyways i'll delete this soon but to be petulant for a second. i hate this. i hate this i hate this i hate this#i had never once dreaded waking up before working on this team and i now feel like i'm a step away from a nervous breakdown constantly#but i transfer in a little over a month!! new team new work entirely new division!#i can do hard things in the meantime#*through gritted teeth*#i can do hard things
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when I was a kid I read a version of the princess and the pea where the princess's doting peasant father had to get her silk and other fancy things since she was so hypersensitive and like regular fabric hurt her skin/gave her a rash and so on.
and she passed the pea mattress test because anything other than the most comfortable sleeping situation was so painful to her.
and as a poor person with central sensitization/allodynia... girl i can relate SO much more now than i could when it was just autism that made me relate
#the silk pillowcase i got on sale years ago for $11 for hair reasons is all I use for the pillow I press my face on all day and night#it was wet last night and I was like I have this perfectly nice cotton pillowcase that I like the texture of#It's 100% cotton which is itself an expensive accommodation for my discomfort!! These are the comfiest sheets I've ever had!!!#on my body they feel great!!#it's been years since I put a cotton case on this pillow mainly because the silk one zips. but i was like eh for one night that's ok#and then... it hurt?? what the fuck??#i ignored it and was like i'm just feeling hypersensitive from being overtired and i slept on it#the pain is STILL there from where my skin was pressed against it wtf it feels abraded???#what the fuck#updates on my boring life#also side note if you can get together the $$$ to get real cotton sheets they take soooo much longer to wear out#that eventually they're cheaper per year than the microfiber ones#i feel v lucky cuz they really are very good i've slept on em for years and they just. don't need regular replacement
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