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rorywritesjunk · 4 months

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Let’s be one another’s present tense

Buggy ‘rescues’ you from an abusive situation, and after a less than stellar introduction, he has you audition for his crew to keep you safe. You want safety, security, and joining a circus seems like the best idea.

Rating: This chapter borderlines NC-17 nearing the end.

Warning: Swearing, Buggy gets mad in this chapter, there's interrupted sexy times. Mentions of blood and a head injury. Buggy also gets stressed. Cabaji fucks upppp. Maybe slight misuse of Devil Fruit powers?

A/N: I think from here the story may start having more sexy times in it, just a warning.

Title comes from “Crater Lake” by Lady Lamb

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 (NC-17) + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @neuvilleteismybby @fluffybunnyu @sinning-23 @the-angriest-angel @ane5e @fanshavegottensotoxic @honey-deerling

Chapter 8

Being a target was… a little unnerving at first. You had to stay as still as possible, to not move in case one of the knives struck you, but it was hard not to flinch or shy away when they flew at you and sunk into the target behind you. And it didn't help that Cabaji looked nervous when he first started throwing sharp objects at you. If he even knicked you it could be the end.

In the past, having objects thrown at you had you dodging them, even trying to use your arms to deflect them, but now you willingly stood and waited for things to be thrown at you.

And then Cabaji started doing just fine, making sure not to hit anywhere near you at first, to get you used to the sound of the knives hitting the target, and this was just the first practice. And maybe he got a little too cocky because he continued throwing, the knives getting closer to you until you felt something graze the size of your head. When you put your hand up to touch where you felt the knife, you were surprised to see some hair was in your hand as well as blood.

Oh.

While you haven't been around that long, that was the first time you'd ever seen Buggy that angry. Cabaji managed to just get screamed at until Buggy was red in the face, limbs splitting apart even, but you were taken away by others to make sure you were okay, which disappointed you a little because you were interested to see how angry Buggy was going to get.

As long as it wasn't directed at you, you didn't mind seeing your boyfriend angry. It was… kind of hot in a way to you. But you weren't about to say that as one of the freaks trimmed the hair around the small wound, making sure it was cleaned and cared for, because Buggy stormed in at that moment, still seething as he knocked the freak out of the way to look at you.

“This was supposed to be a safer option.” He grumbled under his breath as he took a look at the injury.

“I'm fine.” You told him as you gently pushed him away. “Let them finish up then you can touch me.”

He didn't like being told that, so he moved to your other side, arms crossed as he glared down at you. It wasn't that you were scared of him, but you didn't want the freak tending to you to get nervous while they fixed you up with him standing right there, the anger radiating off him. He wanted to keep it under control for you, to not upset you, but you would have rather he went and screamed at Cabaji some more. Why couldn’t he just go do that for a little bit longer?

He put his hand on your shoulder, watching as more hair was trimmed away to accommodate the bandage. You reached up to touch Buggy's wrist, just to reassure him you were okay, while doing your best to keep your head still.

“Guess I'll be sleeping on my left side for a bit.” You joked, but Buggy just gave your shoulder a squeeze as he looked over the wound.

“She'll be okay, right?”

“Yes, Captain, it's just a graze.”

“Lots of blood for a graze.”

“Head wounds can bleed, Captain. She'll be fine.”

“I'm fine.” You insisted, but Buggy was ignoring you. There had to be a safer option for you, even if it wasn't performing. You told him early on that you couldn't sew, cook, or do much of anything, but there had to be something.

It was only a few more minutes of keeping still until you were done and before you knew it, Buggy was taking you back to your room, fussing over your injury and new haircut.

“It was just starting to look good, too.” He sighed as he touched your head around the injury. “Now we'll have to start over.”

“Glad your concern is my look and not my health.” You replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes as you sat down on the edge of the bed. “I'm fine so please stop fussing over me.”

“I’m going to fuss since it was my idea that got you hurt!” He snapped as he stomped around the room in front of you as he tossed his jacket and hat aside before taking off his bandana next. “Can’t have you in water, can’t have knives thrown at you, I don’t know what to do!”

“I don't know either, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.” You said as he kicked the chair in front of his vanity. “Buggy, hey, it's okay. You don’t need to worry, please.”

“I brought you here to keep you from getting hurt and now…” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “I don't know what to do.”

He started pacing but you reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping him and pulling him over to you. He looked at you confused, feeling antsy now from the stress and adrenaline of what happened. You got hurt and he wasn't even watching when it happened. At least when you were in the tank he had his eyes on you, but the first time he didn't watch and you got hurt. He wasn’t able to stop it.

“Will you sit down and just breathe for a moment?” You asked, sounding annoyed. “You're starting to stress me out.”

“You're stressed out?!” He exclaimed as you held onto his hand. You narrowed your eyes at him and he listened, taking a seat beside you. You put your hand on his chest, over his heart, and took a slow, deep breath. He gripped your hand tightly but followed along, starting to feel himself calm down after a few minutes. The breathing was something another freak taught you early on to calm yourself before getting too overwhelmed and it was something you had started to do with Buggy when he was becoming too distressed.

“Buggy, please don't worry about this.” You told him calmly, keeping your voice low as you wrapped your arms around him. “Cabaji and I can still do this, okay? It was one little incident, nothing major. I'm fine, I barely felt it.”

“But-”

“You're in charge, I know, and if you really don't want me to do it then say so.” You continued. “Just say the word and I'll find something else.”

He hesitated. He did trust his performers, and he wanted to trust that you wouldn't get hurt. Ever since he rescued/took-you-from-your-ex-in-a-sketchy-deal, he's had this overwhelming urge to protect you and keep you safe. He remembered how you looked when he first saw you, the bruises and black eye, and the fear you had in your eyes when you were brought to his room, it was something he didn't want to see from you. He just wanted you to feel safe now that you were with him.

He didn't know what to say or how to respond. His mind was racing as he tried to think of something for you to do because he didn't want you to feel useless, nor did he want any of the crew to get the wrong impression about your position here. Yes, you both were a couple, but he didn't give you special treatment (for the most part).

You sighed, brow furrowed as you leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Buggy? I need you to stop thinking.”

“What?”

“You're thinking too much.” You told him as you pushed him back onto the mattress before swinging your leg over to straddle his thighs. “I can hear the gears turning in there and it's too loud to be turning out nothing.”

Now he was trying to wrap his brain around what you said, whether or not you insulted him, but you leaned down to kiss him to get his focus back on you. He placed his hands on your hips, sighing against your lips as you started to undo the buttons on his shirt. He grabbed you by the wrist.

“You don't-”

“I want to, Buggy.” You assured him as you kissed his cheek. You two have yet to go further than kissing and touching since you told each other your feelings. You had initially been hesitant and Buggy didn't push it, not sure what all you had really been through (nothing, you hadn't been through anything but you just weren't ready at the time). And right now, you wanted your boyfriend to stop worrying about you, to relax and let you take care of him.

He nodded and sat up, popping his arms from his shoulders to make it easier to remove his shirt. It was a little weird when he did it, but you were used to it. You tossed the shirt aside before you started to undo his pants. His hands went to unbuckle his boots and remove them, making it easier for him to get naked. you climbed off him long enough to remove your own clothes, tossing them into a pile before you climbed back onto his lap. He looked you over before flipping you over onto your back, catching you off guard and getting a surprised yelp out of you.

He reached down to touch your cheek, fingers moving up to the bandage on your head. He hated seeing it but you reached up to grab his head, pulling him down for a kiss as you wrapped your legs around his waist. That seemed to distract him enough for him to grind his hips against yours, letting out a string of curse words and gasps. His hand moved between your legs, touching you, teasing you, making you whine softly for him.

“Please-”

“Shh, shh, I got you.” He murmured, forcing himself not to rush anything. He didn't want to risk hurting you or making it uncomfortable. It needed to be perfect. He could feel how wet you were already as he teased you at first before he pressed a finger into you, swearing softly at how tight you were. “Ah, fuck, love.”

Before he could go any further, however, there was a pounding at the door, startling the both of you. Swearing, Buggy left his hand with you before stomping at the door to see what was going on, opening it just enough to peek out at the freak standing out there.

“What?!” Buggy snarled. You let out a moan behind him and his other hand went over to cover your mouth. He didn't need someone getting a view of you on his bed like that with his hand between your legs. “I'm busy!”

“J-Just wanted to make sure she was okay.”

“She's fine!” He snapped. “Don't come here again unless something is wrong, understand?!”

He slammed the door shut with his arm, swearing angrily at being interrupted. Didn't they know better? No one was to bug him in his room unless there was a true emergency - the tent was on fire, Marines were coming, or other pirates were sighted. Checking on you while you were under his care did not warrant an interruption.

When he got back to the bed, you were staring up at him, wide-eyed in surprise. He pulled both his hands back from you, wondering if he scared you just then since that was the last thing he wanted.

“Babe, Cupcake, I’m sorry-”

“Uh, no, no.” You shook your head, reaching to pull him back down for a kiss. He hesitated, he wasn’t sure he was up to it now. He was pissed at being interrupted. “No, no, it’s okay, um, it happens.”

“It shouldn’t have happened.” He mumbled as pulled away from you to grab your pajamas, tossing them over to you. Sighing, you got dressed, feeling frustrated at being interrupted, not so much at Buggy’s reaction. He was already worked up from your injury, and to have been interrupted while he was with you made him even more upset. He kicked his boots away as he moved to his side of the bed, laying on top of the blankets as he sank back into the mattress.

You debated joining him, wondering if maybe he wanted to be alone, so you stood at your side of the bed, chewing on your fingernails as you watched as he closed his eyes. Did he want to be alone? Should you leave for a while and come back? Communication was something you were working on, and you hadn’t quite reached the ‘silent communication’ stage of the relationship.

Buggy opened his eyes and turned to look at you. “Are you going to join me?”

“I was waiting to see what you wanted.” You told him as you crawled onto the bed and settled down beside him. “I didn’t want to assume anything.”

He rolled onto his side, arms wrapping around you as he kissed the top of your head. He just sighed, taking a look once more at your injury before he laid his head back down. “Imma figure somethin’ out, Cupcake. Don't worry.”

“I won't, Buggy.” You murmured as you closed your eyes. “I trust you.”

#buggy the clown #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #buggy x you #buggy the clown x you #opla buggy the clown #opla buggy the clown x reader #opla buggy x reader #opla buggy the clown x you #opla buggy x you #buggy the clown x oc #buggy x oc #opla buggy the clown x oc #opla buggy x oc

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the-force-awakens · 3 months

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Thinking about what a sweet, kind, silly and gentle hearted person Poe is until you piss him off and once that switch is flipped, he's a force to be reckoned with

Oh, did you mean? my most favorite? facet? of his character? that makes me lose my marbles? and also happens to be maybe my favorite character trope of all time? that? Okay I hope you were expecting an infodump because what-ho! that's what's happening, I have come prepared and with receipts, let's fucking go on how Poe Dameron is a goddamned force of nature and how the galaxy should be really fucking thankful his loyalty is first and foremost to the Resistance and to the Light, because if it wasn't...well, I'd dread to think, but it wouldn't be good for anyone else.

The fun thing for me, is that it has always been a part of Poe's character, right from The Force Awakens -- it's subtle, but it's there, hidden between the sassy quips in the face in danger and the professionality of Commander Dameron; little fleeting moments that tell you that Poe Dameron is not someone to be trifled with at all, including one of his very first scenes:

I'm 90% certain that Poe's gaze actually lands first on Tekka's body here, before lifting it up to glare at Ren - and that's more than just a defiant glare, that's a look of loathing. Which fits, considering that I do believe the Force Awakens novelization confirms that Poe rushes in without thinking, and acts on sheer anger/rage when he goes to shoot Ren after Ren kills Tekka.

(More lengthy thoughts under the cut, I was not kidding, I saved a dozen images for this).

And that look is far from the only moment in TFA that clearly goes "oh. yeah, Poe can be scary when he wants to be", there's this frankly delightful moment during the trench run when Poe sees a fellow pilot perish while covering him:

and then moments later, when Poe flies into the heart of Starkiller to destroy the oscillator, we get this shot:

that's far more than just determination/focus, he's angry. and he has every goddamned right to be - he was just held captive and tortured for (??) days, and this monstrosity just destroyed an entire fucking planetary system, and the very Republic that Poe has spent his entire adult life believing the inherent values of, that he thought could genuinely improve. Never mind the detail that Poe probably likely spent time on the Hosnian System, if he didn't live there temporarily during his time in the Defense Fleet.

But these shots makes it clear where the comic gets the idea from that the First Order might, y'know, actually be. A little bit terrified of Poe Dameron:

He's a serious threat, and ruthless when it comes to the First Order. People joke a lot about Poe being reckless, but I don't see a lot of recognition for the fact that he can be ruthless - he sees point b and dives straight at it, and he's absolutely relentless in his determination to take the First Order down.

The quickest possible way to enrage Poe is inaction or injustice. We see this clearly in the Last Jedi, when he believes Holdo is essentially leading them to their deaths and has thrown the Resistance away:

but we also see it as far back as Before the Awakening by Greg Rucka:

This conversation carries on for a page or so more, I think, with Poe arguing against the New Republic's decision to not act or investigate further (it's also what prompts him into going rogue to investigate on his own, which leads Leia into recruiting him for the Resistance).

And we've even seen it in material as recent as Free Fall, which means this is a character trait Poe has had his entire life:

(these do not paint my girl in a great light but like she's fucked up okay!! and being groomed into taking her mother's place it's fine, it's fine, she's my fucked up little blorbo)

anyway. so this is Poe when he's, probably about 16? 16 going on 17 here, and this is probably the angriest he's ever been considering how shocked he is about the chill in his own voice (which if you were ever curious why I say Poe's anger runs cold, it's because of this scene right here). He's so enraged by the injustice being carried out by Sotin, that he's genuinely - for the first time in the book - considering actually killing someone. And he gets into a screaming match about what the right decision is with Zorii.

(he also gets to punch Sotin later, by the way, if you even care. It's glorious. I love my favorite character who decides murder is okay if said murder is in question a guy who deals in the slave trade)

But also.

My favorite instance of this, ever, which rewrote my fucking goddamned brainchemistry in 2017 when I read it and made me have to step away from my computer and honest to god pace the length of my house to walk it off, is his confrontation with Terex in issue #13 of the Poe comics.

Because you know what?

This entire fucking exchange is personal, and almost/pretty much outright vindictive? Like at this point, Poe has solidly won this round - Terex has finally been defeated, and all Poe has to do is hand him over to the First Order. He knows, in doing so, Terex will likely be killed, and after who knows how long of Terex's bullshit meaning Poe couldn't trust his squadron, and the fact that L'ulo just died - well, Poe's not real broken up about it, which is fun in itself.

But then he asks Malarus if he can have a moment with Terex before he hands him over and Poe....uses that moment to gloat.

And y'all know me i don't use words like that for Poe but like. he kind of does? he asks a moment alone with terex specifically so that he can taunt Terex that he won, that Terex didn't beat him, and that in trying to take Poe down, Terex cost himself everything (a fact Poe happily rubs in his face), and even adds that "and when I give you to the First Order, I bet they'll take the rest."

So like. Yeah.

Poe knew full well they'd likely kill him, and spends the next few issues full heartedly believing that Terex was dead. And he taunts Terex with it here in this moment. It is TRULY glorious and honestly had 17 year old me's little head spinning because it was such a subversion of what I thought Poe would do -- but he did! He didn't try to figure out a way to spare Terex's life, and he used his final moments with Terex to make sure Terex knew that Poe was fully aware of what the choice he was making meant.

It's fucking DELICIOUS.

And I also love this panel from earlier into the issue:

Because again, it's a great illustration of how Poe can come off cold because of the art choices Phil Noto made here: look at the jacket. It's zipped up all the way to Poe's neck (a rarity for Poe), and just generally gives him this very closed off, cold appearance because he's at his wit's end in this issue, and he is angry about the circumstances Terex has forced him into.

So...yeah. Poe Dameron is a sweet, compassionate, silly guy who makes the worst fucking puns you've ever heard this side of the galaxy. He loves his droid, wears his mother's wedding ring with the intent to give it to the right partner someday, and loves all of his friends full heartedly and is generally the most tactile, affectionate person you will ever meet. He's pretty much everyone's best friend, because he has that kind of charisma and ability to make anyone feel like they're the most important person in the galaxy.

But Poe Dameron is also the man that the First Order seems genuinely intimidated/afraid of. He's the man that destroyed Starkiller base, and toppled the most powerful crime syndicate in the galaxy when he was just 17 years old. He is not someone you ever, ever want to piss off, because for all his warmth and love, Poe has an anger that runs cold, and when he hates something - it's just like when he loves something, he doesn't go half-way.

General Organa isn't the only Resistance general that can be absolutely terrifying in her own right as much as she can be gentle and loving. It's just that Leia's the only one anyone ever notices, because...well, Poe's silly and funny and usually kind of easy going.

And the fact that people underestimate him is what makes him that much more dangerous.

#userorb #ask box #my meta #poe dameron #listen. listen. he's SWEET and he's charming but also ongod the first order is /afraid/ of him and can you REALLY blame them #the best fucking trope in the world is the silly goofy soft characters that also can make that switch #to like. stealing from doctor who now. to going full oncoming storm #it's WONDERFUl #i love it so much we need more instances with this trope #flashing gif #death mention cw

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bettsfic · 2 years

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betts your obiwan posting makes me want to watch it, as a prequel fan. i havent looked at star wars in ages and dont have disney+ is this worth pursuing??????

i was certain, CERTAIN, i would be immune to Obi-Wan Kenobi (dir. Deborah Chow, 2022). for 17 miserable years i've been adamant that should disney exhume hayden christensen's acting career for the sake of new darth vader content, i would not be among its audience.

i've been angry most of my life about the prequels--not just that i loved them while recognizing they didn't live up to their potential and that the success of the franchise was largely because a mediocre dude had the right idea at the right time 45 years ago. but also what i loved about the prequels went totally unseen by many fans and made me feel very alone and like i was just making things up (i've since found a lot of people who love the prequels in the same way i do).

what made me angriest though was the unfair and wildly offbase criticism of hayden's acting. i can agree the dialogue is weak. the direction is weak. but hayden christiensen chews the scenery and spits it out. he's phenomenal. so i just couldn't bear the thought of even more of that in the year of our porg 2022, after the hatred for the prequels had finally died down in the wake of rise of skywalker which i think many of us can agree sunk star wars to a new low. not to mention the disneyfication of the franchise which pushes out new shiny happy content nonstop so that star wars is no longer an eagerly anticipated event, just another show on tv, fighting for attention against all the other content out there.

i can't tell you what exactly changed my mind. it wasn't like i saw any positive reviews or a ton of gifsets or anything. in fact it might have been the total absence of hype that sparked my interest. four of six episodes had aired and my feeds were still mostly ofmd and tgcf. so i gave the first episode a shot.

as expected, i was not wholly impressed. the first episode is a lot of plot setup. a little boring. i didn't end up watching the second episode that night. but for days after i kept thinking--isn't this what i've always wanted from star wars? a well-crafted character study that takes its time? a thoughtful story about the aftermath of revenge of the sith, the more intricate economic and social consequences of the clone war and the rise of the empire? ewan mcgregor being a dilf???

i guess until now i didn't believe i'd ever see live action prequel-related star wars content made by someone with more respect for the source material than shock value or high tech explosions. and that was silly of me--i loved rogue one and solo. i wasn't super into the mandalorian but i watched it and recognized it was trying to do something new. those were all different to me though. i wasn't emotionally attached to the original trilogy and its adjacent stories the way i'm attached to the prequels.

[some spoilers after this but nothing you couldn't piece together from the fact hayden has been on the press tour]

i finally watched the second episode. darth vader was there. i thought, did they really bring hayden back just to be the dude in the suit? and they did. they did bring hayden back just to be the dude in the suit. and the bacta tank. and a heartbreaking mirage in the desert. i was expecting just random high-stakes plot content until the very end of the series when we'd finally get an ominous peek at vader. but no. he's like. a main character. obi-wan's love for him and his regret at the events of RotS is overt. his love for padme is there too. like Deborah Chow really said "padobikin is canon lol." it's emotionally devastating in a way i didn't think any new live action prequel content could be.

[spoilers for episode 5 here but i've also reblogged about a thousand gifsets of what i'm talking about so if you've seen those you've already been spoiled]

then in episode five we get a flashback. pre-AotC. and i don't know why this was the thing that really sealed the deal for me but it just meant a lot to me that they didn't fully de-age hayden back to 19. maybe they couldn't or maybe it was a Choice. they might have done a little polishing but but for the most part you look at him and know you're looking at a 41 year old man. it's a flashback, yeah, but i can't help but think "this is what he would have looked like."

and so there i was imprinting onto darth vader again the way i did when i was 15. but whereas back then i related to his eternal struggle to have agency in a society that only wanted to exploit his gifts while denying him any real personhood, now i relate to the abysmal feeling of regret, the long-term consequences of a million wrong choices. and i guess i'm just impressed that despite the disney backing, the show leans into the real tragedy of the whole thing and doesn't let up. it assumes that the thing we care about most isn't the fate of the galaxy but the fate of one man in it, and we already know how his story ends.

the finale airs tomorrow and i'm not nervous. it follows the canon so closely that you can easily deduce where the story is going, and even though many dudebros would have you believe predictability is bad, personally i find it exciting to see the cause and effect sequence of a story told over many generations totally out of chronological order.

and what's more, i've been watching interviews with ewan and hayden and getting the sense that they enjoyed filming the show, and that it wasn't filmed on green screen but on something called The Volume and that seemed to make a big difference. i think it was moses (reva) who said, "you get on set and you're in star wars."

on a personal note though, what i'm most excited about is that after nearly a year struggling with the motivation to write and a total lack of inspiration, somehow i managed to pound out 12k words in 3 days of a longform RotS fix-it fic i've been wanting to write for 17 years.

tl;dr Kenobi isn't a perfect show and it does fall prey to the overbloated nature of the undying big budget franchise disease, but it's thoughtfully made, entertaining for casual fans, and cathartic for diehard prequels fans.

ps i can't stop thinking about middle-aged wifeguy anakin skywalker and that will be my undoing.

#owk #meta #spoilers

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miastideclock · 4 years

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Day6 At Their Weddings

parksungjinsfan

Hey 👋 I have request about day6 on your wedding day, like their reaction to seeing the reader in wedding dress, how will theu be yhe whole wedding, what music will they choose for a first dance, honeymoon details and such... Thank you🙏

Word Count: 👁 👄 👁 I don’t even wanna try and find out lmaooo Warnings: -The length of these are quite different, and I am so sorry about that -I tried my best to avoid the mention of the reader’s parents or family, but if I have incorporated any family or extended family without noticing, I am really sorry and do ask you to let me know so I can correct my mistake. Thank you.

my years of watching ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ finally pays off

this is gonna be a rIDE, i dont know if this is the format you wanted it in, but this is what you’re getting lmao my bad.

Sungjin

some of the songs i listened to while writing -Circles by Golden -No One Like You by Dualties -Spaces by One Direction

OKAY, so

Wedding Dress:

For the wedding dress I pictured something elegant, yet relaxed. It’s very simple, but the lace detailing adds that little something I feel like. The sweetheart neckline is flattering no matter what your body type is, as is the bodice.

You can pair almost anything to this dress, so jewelry could be a pop of color, or you could keep it more lowkey with some dainty pieces.

Sungjin would appreciate the simplicity of the dress, that way it let’s your own beauty be the center of attention.

Location:

I feel like a garden-wedding is bulls-eye for someone like Sungjin. It’s sophisticated, but with a childish-charm. The trees and fairy lights are a perfect combination. I don’t really have a lot other than that to say about the location in particular.

Music:

Your first dance would be so cute. I chose Your Song by Elton John, just because I feel like it adds to the sophistication of it all. It’s a classic song, that way it will be easier for your guest to enjoy the moment you two share, with you.

I can imagine Sungjin practicing months prior, so that the dance would be perfect when the day finally is here. awh my heart

Honeymoon:

Hawaii, USA. Again, it’s classy, it’s sophisticated, it’s very on brand. You can relax all day, eat pineapple and other fresh fruits, go on excursions and explore. Hawaii is a place of many opportunities, so I can guarantee you and your newly-wed won’t go bored.

The Wedding Day:

Sungjin paced around the room, thinking about every single thing that could go wrong. He was nervous beyond belief, but he would never let anyone know that.

He had to admit that in the beginning of the planning process, he always laughed at the men who were nervous, cause what was there to be nervous about? You were marrying a woman you love, there is no simpler task.

But now he got it. Every feeling you could think of washed over him at the same time, but none of them stopped him from wanting to go through with it.

In the chaos that washed through his head, there was one thought that stood out before the others. “I love her.” A knock could be heard on his dressing-room door, his best-mean peeking his head through.

“They’re ready for you.” Dowoon spoke softly, not wanting to startle the groom. Sungjin nodded before looking at himself in the mirror. He had to look perfect for you. Dowoon made his way over and stood in front of him, so Sungjin no longer could see himself in the body-length mirror.

“Nervous?” He asked as he fixed the collar of the groom.

“Yes.” Sungjin finally admitted.

“Getting cold feet?” Dowoon asked yet again, the slightest hint of panic in his voice.

“Never in a million years.” Sungjin replied.

Dowoon let out a breath of relief and took a step back to see if there was anything else on the suit that needed to be fixed or moved or tucked. But as he found nothing, he nodded his head, meaning Sungjin should head out the door and into the garden.

Walking down the aisle with his mum was something Sungjin never completely realized would be happening until she was standing there waiting for him. She was dressed in a peach-colored dress. She was after all one of your bridesmaids, so she wore the appropriate dress.

He kissed her cheek before looping his arm with hers, then making their way down towards the pastor. The walk felt long, longer than it needed, because that just meant more time for his head to get even more chaotic and messy. But contrary to what Sungjin was sure would never happen- they made it to the end.

He stood on his side, his hands folded into each other as he waited.

The music changed ever so slightly, meaning the bride was on her way. Sungjin turned so he was looking directly at the door where you would come through, waiting excitedly.

A few seconds passed, and the double doors opened, revealing you. Every messy thought, or chaotic state his brain had ever had vanished. Sungjin could finally think clearly, all because of you.

You held your bouquet tight in your hands as you walked down the aisle. Your heartbeat picked up as you closed your husband to be.

You finally made it to the end, and to be honest? You don’t remember 80 percent of the ceremony. The only part you truly and clearly remember were the two most important words you and Sungjin would ever share.

“I do.”

jesus christ

Jae

some songs i listened to while writing -California by Bernhoft -Twit by Hwasa -Somebody To Love by Abhi The Nomad

AIT

Wedding Dress:

Jae is.. well- he is Jae. And even with a gun to my head, I could not know why I feel like this is the perfect dress for his wedding- I just do. A sheath dress with lace detailing is elegant and sleek, yet light and airy.

With the clean neckline, a dainty necklace would be enough, a small pair of earrings to go with it.

Jae would love the dress on you, but you could also wear a trash-bag if you so pleasebecauseue he is convinced you could pull off anything.

Location:

The fun and the beauty of a beach wedding would go perfectly with Jae’s personality. The ocean air is a lovely detail for a wedding, it brushing against your cheek as you look at the love of your life, the last time he would be your fiancé, in a few moments- he would be your husband.

Music:

For your first dance I’ve chosen You by Petit Biscuit. It’s a soothing song, with a vibe that could calm down the angriest of men.

The song takes you back to the memories of when you first met Jae, as he was the one who introduced you to the song. The lack of lyrics mean nothing to you, as you have made your own meaning of it.

Honeymoon:

As a man of many countries, Jae has been all over the world- so when you planned your honeymoon, he told you not to worry about if he has been there before or not. With that in mind, you booked your trip to Paris, France.

Going for walks along the Seine, admiring the Eiffel Tower at sunset, or experiencing the magnificent art at the Louvre- all things you and Jae are planning on doing.

The Wedding Day:

Standing a few hundred feet away from where the ceremony would be held stood one singular groom. His eyes were closed as he was standing with his hands in his pockets, feeling the gentle ocean breeze brush against him, like a thousand warm kisses peppered all over him.

This was the most calm he had been in months, and he felt like he could finally relax his tense stance. Whatever happened from now on, it happened- and there was nothing he could do about it. He thought that would only make him more stressed, but there was just something about it that calmed him.

“You lost?” Sungjin suddenly spoke from Jae’s right hand side. Sungjin happened to be Jae’s best-man, so it was, among other things, his duty to make sure the groom was okay

“No, I’m pretty sure this is exactly where I’m meant to be. Sounds cheesy though.” Jae replied with a chuckle, causing Sungjin to let out a snicker of his own.

“You ready to do this?” Sungjin asked again after a few minutes, this finally opening Jae’s eyes. Jae nodded and they started walking back.

The sun would be setting in an hour or so, so the heat was just perfect on the stunning summer evening. You and Jae had been planning this wedding for what seemed like an eternity, and you were both over the moon that the day was finally here.

You were in a beach hut just by the place of the ceremony, looking at yourself in the mirror, inspecting your makeup.

“You look stunning, dear.” Jae’s mother said from behind you, she also looking at your makeup.

“Absolutely breathtaking.” A bridesmaid chimed in. You gave them both a smile and then got to your feet, shaking out your hands in a nervous manner.

“You ready?” Your maid of honor asked you as she came into the hut from outside where the wedding would be. You looked at her for a second before nodding slowly. “Good, cause Jae just walked down the aisle, you’re up baby!”

You gave her a look, but couldn’t keep a smile from joining the scolding eyes. “A little late with the heads up maybe?” You chuckled as you grabbed the bouquet from the table, making her laugh.

The doors opened and you made your way over to the aisle, taking a deep breath as the ceremony properly started.

You found yourself walking faster than you had during the rehearsal, but you didn’t care. You wanted to reach Jae as fast as you could, because the faster you got there, the faster you could start the rest of your lives together.

holyyy

Young K

some songs i listened to while writing -17 by Pink Sweat$ -All Night Long by Machine Gun Kelly -Needs by Verzache

okay so

Wedding Dress:

For our main man Brian, I chose something bohemian-chic. It’s fun, it’s light, it’s stunning. The rustic vibe of the dress is something i think would fit perfectly with the theme of the wedding.

The whimsical essence of the dress makes it kind of hard to pair with jewelry. I can imagine some small raw diamond earrings, and maybe a single thread necklace with a light pendant. Anything too heavy will easily drown out the dress and make it seem almost messy. Not very cute.

Location:

Tall trees. The warmth of the wood mixed with the soft touch of lights and georgette fabrics laced in between the branches. The forest is the perfect place for such a wedding.

The birds chirping, and the trees talking- what could be more romantic?

Music:

Dancing on a patio in the forest, moving to the smooth rhythms of Your Hand In Mine by Explosions In The Sky. This song is awfully slow at first, but as it picks up after a few seconds, you can’t imagine anything other than twirling around in Brian’s arms, as if you were the only people in an empty forest, ready to be with one another until the end of time.

Honeymoon:

Perfectly matching the rustic theme of the wedding, your destination sends you to Rome, Italy. Whether it’s making a wish in the Trevi fountain or renting a vespa to go to the closest Gelato shop- Rome won’t let you down.

With a stunning view no matter where you look, it’s a perfect place for a honeymoon and to take hundreds of pictures of the trip you’ll remember forever.

The Wedding Day:

Taking a deep breath, Brian stepped out of the car that took him to where the wedding would be held. Jae, his best man, stepped out with him, hyping him up- but Brian’s mind was too occupied to hear a word of what he was saying.

“- and I just know that if you want to back out, I know she would understand.” Was all Brian needed to snap out of it.

“Back out? What are you talking about?” He questioned as he stopped in his tracks.

“You’ve been spaced out all day, and the face of pure panic isn’t exactly helping your case.” Jae pointed out. Brian caught himself frowning during multiple points during the day, so he could kind of make out where Jae was coming from, and he felt happy that Jae would let him back out of he wanted- but that was not the case.

“Have you lost your mind? I love her more than I can even begin to explain. Even with a gun to my head, I would never dream of backing out of our wedding.” Brian spoke in a cool and calm voice, making sure that Jae understood the value of his words.

Jae gave him a nod. “I hear you, loud and clear.”

From there, they made their way down the patio-ed trail into the woods where their wedding would be held, lights decorating the trees surrounding them. It was straight out of a fairytale.

Brian had to admit that he was scared about the wedding, but not because he didn’t love you- cause he did. More than anything. It was because he was scared he wouldn’t be enough for you.

You on the other hand was sat in a car on your way to the location, stressing out your brains.

“What if I trip? Or what if I say the wrong name? I know that only happens to assholes in 90′s sitcoms, but-” Your rambling was cut off as your maid of honor called your name from next to you.

“Babe, you need to calm down! You’re not gonna trip, and you’re not gonna pull a Ross, okay? You’re gonna get there and wow everyone with your dress and your hair and your everything- and then you’re gonna marry the love of your life and start your forever okay?” She snapped you out of it.

You took a deep breath and nodded. You had gotten this far without any complications- so you only had one small step left, and that was to start your forever.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

OKAY

Wonpil

some songs I listened to while writing -Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray -My Strange Addiction by Billie Eilish -Can I Call You Back? by SHY Martin

Wedding Dress:

It’s big, it’s sexy but with elegance and class, it’s flattering to anyone- it’s perfect. A Princess-style wedding dress is such a gorgeous choice, no one would be surprised if Wonpil absolutely lost his breath looking at you.

A dress like this is so beautifully simple, you can’t go wrong with some jewelry. Personally, I would avoid a chunky necklace, and rather opt for some longer, dangling earrings, letting your bare neck and collarbones make a statement of its own.

Location:

Matching the personality of the dress, a Ballroom Wedding is elegant, it’s classy, and it’s so much easier to clean up than any of the other locations we’ve seen today.

A ballroom might seem boring to some, but it’s surprising what you and your husband-to-be can do with a bursting budget and a wild imagination.

Music:

For your first dance, I Will Follow You by Toulouse will be playing. An emotional song, perfectly conveying your emotions for one another, to your guests.

“Ever since you touched my hand, I knew.” The song sings. And it’s true. Both you and your husband can confirm that the first time you ever brushed your hand against his, there was a spark. Actually, more than that- it was fireworks.

Honeymoon:

With jungles, temples and waterfalls, Bali, Indonesia is the perfect destination to explore, have fun and also relax with the love of your life.

Renting a private tour guide one day, and just hiking to waterfalls and jumping into the water another day. Watching the sunset while being in each others arms, not being able to imagine a more perfect moment than that.

The Wedding Day:

“What do I do? The wedding starts in like forty minutes, and I have zero clues as what to say for my vows. I mean, of course I vow to love her until I take my last breath- but I want it to be special.” Wonpil stressed out loud. Maybe it was to his best man, maybe it was to the wall behind him- none of them could answer.

“Okay, your hair is as perfect as it can get.” Brian spoke as he tweaked the pieces that fell over Wonpil’s forehead. Wonpil shot him an unamused look making Brian chuckle. “I’m just messing with you. You look great.”

Wonpil turned around to the full-body mirror and inspected that there were no pieces of dust on his suit, or scratches on his shoes. He sighed and nodded, agreeing with Brian’s statement, cause truth be told- he did look great.

“I can’t stop thinking about what she is gonna look like. And not only in the wedding dress. How she is gonna look sleeping on the plane to Bali, or how she is gonna look laughing at dinner- or how she is gonna look when we give our toasts. I can’t wait to look at her and be with her forever.” He sighed, grabbing the edges of his jacket and straightening it out even more, something Brian was pretty sure was impossible.

“Why don’t you just say that?” The best man commented. Wonpil looked at him for a second as if he was hesitant, but soon came to realize it was actually a pretty good idea.

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s simple but special, and it’s right from the heart.” He smiled, thanking Brian.

In the dressing-room across the hall, a particular bride was pacing back and forth, her bare feet making small noises as the underside of her foot made contact with the hardwood floor.

“I know I’m breathing, but it feels like I can’t breathe.” You muttered out, one of your bridesmaids jumping to her feet to get you something to drink. She picked up her light pink bridesmaid-dress and ran for the kitchenette and roamed the fridge until she found a bottle of water. After tossing it to you, and you taking a sip- you thanked her.

“Okay, I found it!” Your maid of honor suddenly burst through the door, making everyone in there turn to her and let out a sigh of relief.

The it in question had been your bouquet, it being a collection of both your own and your husband-to-be’s favorite flowers. That was the reason it was so special- you had made it together.

“Oh thank god!” You exhaled and walked to meet her at the door. You gently grabbed the bouquet out of her hand and looked at it in adoration.

“Does that mean you’re ready to get married?” She asked in a hushed tone. You looked at her, then the flowers, then back up at her before you let out an excited sigh and nodded.

“Let’s do this.”

Dowoon

some songs i listened to while writing -Heels by NoMBe -1901 - triple j Like A Version by Petit Biscuit -Drift Away by Sons Of Zion

Wedding Dress:

A-Line Wedding Dress, a sleek yet flowy choice for a rustic wedding such as your own. The soft silhouette and backless detail is a glorious mixture of sweet and sexy, coming together to make a stunning dress that is the perfect match for most anyone.

The detailing in the lace is more than enough accent, but if you insist, avoid long, dragging necklaces and earrings. With the tone of the dress, dainty, rose-gold jewelry would be the best match.

Location:

A big, glorious venue for anyone with the wish of a fairytale wedding. A Castle is perfect for feeling like a Disney-princess on your big day. The candles and lights mixed with the aesthetic of exposed brick is enough to make the perfect wedding pictures- but why stop there?

Most castles has a garden of sorts, often lined with large trees and fresh grass, making any wedding photo look like its dragged straight out of a movie.

Music:

Your first dance will be one people would have to wait long to forget. Moving to the tunes of Happiest Year by Jaymes Young, holding your now husband close- an unforgettable feeling. You chose this song both because the melody is stunning, but also because the lyrics truly do speak to you. After being engaged for a year, both of you could confirm that it had in fact been the happiest year of your lives.

Honeymoon:

The Maldives. You might think it’s kind of cliché to go there for your honeymoon because it’s overused - right? Well, I can promise you, it’s for a reason.

Whale shark tours, local markets, beach days, snorkeling safaris- the fun is close to endless. Whether you go there for the activities, or it’s for the views- there is no way you’ll be let down.

The Wedding Day:

Standing in one of the towers of the castle, stood a single groom, looking out one of the massive windows. The reception was getting closer and closer, and the chairs down on the lawn was getting filled up with more and more of your friends and family by the second.

“DOWOON!” The familiar voice of Wonpil called. The sudden noise didn’t even make Dowoon flinch as he had been expecting it ever since he got to his little hiding spot. The groom looked to the side to see Wonpil marching at him at a terrifying speed. “Why the hell are you not in your dressing-room? The wedding is about to start any minute now!”

Dowoon had to snicker at Wonpil’s panicked state. You’d think he was the one getting married, truth be told. “Don’t worry, I was on my way there now.” Dowoon spoke calmly.

One would think that on his wedding day, Dowoon would be a bit more freaked out- but he wasn’t. He had never been more calm, cool and collected in his entire life, and to him that meant something. It meant that even on essentially the most stressful day of his life, he was grounded, all because of you.

You too had the same train of thought. Walking around in the flower garden on the other side of the castle, you hummed gently to yourself. You were on your way back to the dressing-rooms as the massive watch on the side of the left tower told you the wedding was soon to begin. Without a care in the world, your bare feet made their way through the soft grass, making you smile as it tickled your feet.

As you got closer to the back entrance of the castle, then one you had exited through, the better you could see the figure leaning against the door. It was your maid of honor. She stood in a stunning dress, her arms lazily crossed over her chest, giving you a smile as she waited for you. “You enjoying yourself?” She asked as you got closer.

“Yeah.” You breathed and stopped a few meters in front of her so you were still in the grass.

“Nervous?” She asked again. You needed a moment to think about this one. Cause on one hand, of course you were nervous- but on the other, just the thought Dowoon made your shoulders relax and your jaw unclench, as you always found yourself in a relaxed state around him.

“Maybe. I’m not sure yet.” You smiled as you spoke in the same way you had earlier. Your maid of honor chuckled at your words, then reaching out her hand for you to grab, leading you back to your dressing room to get your shoes back on, then getting you ready to walk down the aisle.

i really hope you liked it!! I’m so sorry it took so long- I wanted to do it just right! Feel free to request again!

-bentley

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andsotheuniverseended · 3 years

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cephas my beloved

so i don't know if what you meant here was "answer all thirty of the dnd meme questions for cephas" but that is how i'm interpreting it so i'mma go ahead and put it under a cut

(also for those not in the know, Cephas (they/she/him/any pronoun you like) is my stone construct witch. yes those are both homebrew things I found online. i use this witch and just recently updated them to the 3.0 version and i'm very excited about it)

1. if one of their friends was jumping on a bed and asked your character to join them, would they?

Yes, absolutely, of course. The bed would then immediately break because Cephas is a couple tons of solid rock, but that's on their friends for not thinking it through. Or maybe that was the plan. Either way, Cephas is on board.

2. would your character carry around a tiny bath and body works hand sanitizer? if yes, would it have a specific scent?

I mean, Ceph does carry around smelling salts enchanted to smell like whatever would make someone feel better in the moment? Which is kind of the same thing? But anyways the real answer is Probably Not unless it was a gift, because Cephas has no sense of smell and has no need to sanitize.

3. does your character paint their nails? do they wait for them to dry fully afterwards?

Technically he doesn't have nails but Cephas will happily allow themselves to be painted over any part of their body, and will stay completely still until it's dry. I know because the party his done this to them before.

4. if you cut open your character’s heart and there was something inside, what would it be? why?

Hm. I mean. Literally speaking, no heart, you just find stone in there. Figuratively speaking... a jade earring. representative of their first steps towards freedom.

5. do/would your character carry lots of hair ties on their wrist?

Nah, not unless one of the other party members asked.

6. what parts of your character’s voice/manner of speaking are distinct, if any?

Hm. Mostly just that their voice is pretty rough and low. Otherwise I think they talk pretty normal??

7. what’s the first thing your character’s eyes are drawn to on a map?

New places. To all the parts of the world they haven't seen yet, and want to.

8. how did your character feel when they left home for the first time?

Okay I'm going to go with the definition of home that means Cephas has to feel like it's home, which would mean the place where they lived with their BFF Effie. And I think the first time they left there, with an intent to go out and adventure, they felt really excited, happy, and like they were finally doing what they were meant to be doing. They'd been feeling very restless up until that point, so it's kind of like scratching an itch. Very satisfying.

9. where does your character look when they’re the only one walking down a road?

All around. She likes to see everything and doesn't get particularly worried about other people or robbers or things like that, so there's a lot of being generally distracted by whatever scenery they're passing through. Sometimes he'll just stop and pretend to be a statue on the side of the road and people watch for a while, if there's time for it.

10. does your character have tattoos? were they alone the first time they got one?

Being made of stone, my darling Cephas can't get tattoos. If they had actual flesh I do think they'd wanna get some.

11. if a button came loose from your character’s shirt, would they make sure the replacement matched?

Cephas doesn't wear clothes, and if they did 'matching' would not be the thing they cared about, so for sure No.

12. how loudly do they cry?

Gods I feel like a lot of these answers are just "Cephas is a stone construct and therefore cannot/does not do the thing" but like Cephas is a stone construct and cannot cry. There have been a lot of times where they wished they could, but their body wasn't built for it. Typically if they're sad, they're quiet about it, reserved.

13. does your character like holding hands? do they do it often?

Yes! But he doesn't do it very often at all. Stone isn't comfortable for other people to hold, and they have to be careful not to hurt people when touching them, so it's generally more dangerous for whoever they're holding hands with than its worth.

14. is your character more likely to wear a necktie, a bowtie, or a bolo tie? (if any at all)

Again, no clothes. But I think Cephas would enjoy a good bolo tie.

15. have you ever said something as your character that stuck with you for a while after? what was it?

Oh lord. Uhhh... hm, well there was this one thing but it is very dependent on the context of the moment. Which is that they were talking with another character who was frustrated about not knowing things, and talking about how in order to be people you have to ask questions even if you don't get answers, you have to keep asking questions. And then they discovered something that was a step in a mystery they'd been trying to deal with and Cephas said "and sometimes you do get answers" and I don't know why but that one did stick with me.

16. what does getting flustered look like for your character?

Stuttering. Awkward hand movements. Maybe reverting to the old "I am but a simple construct with no consciousness" trick if they're really feeling out of sorts.

17. does your character have to glance at their hands to remember left and right?

Ha, no. Cephas knows what they're doing, unlike me.

18. does your character have stuffed animals? would they if they could? what kind?

Hm, no, xe doesn't. But I think they would if they ever settled down and stopped traveling. Even if Cephas can't really feel the softness, they would like it. And they'd be very careful with them too. As for the kind... I'm thinking those, like, huge round ones? Fuck there was a name for them. Squishables?? I think???

19. does your character walk or run down stairs?

Walk, typically. Running could damage things lol

20. if your character saw a turtle stuck on its back, would they flip it over?

Oh yes 100%. And also try and talk to the turtle and see if it needed any further assistance.

21. has your character ever climbed out of a window? would they do it again?

I don't have a moment in mind specifically, but there's no way Cephas hasn't, and they would absolutely do it again.

22. what’s your character’s ideal way to wake up? what usually wakes them up?

Cephas doesn't so much sleep as... go into Obedient Construct mode for four hours, which is to say they will obey any order given to them. Ideal way to wake up from that is in some weird/compromising position because it means his friends were messing with them and they love that. And they can't be woken up unnaturally, so its just that after Four Hours something in their head goes Ding and they're back.

23. what’s the pettiest thing your character’s ever done?

Dyed a nobleman's hair bright pink because he was kind of rude to them when they were pretending to be a normal construct.

24. what made your character the angriest they’ve ever been?

Cephas... doesn't really do anger, generally. But! There was a man who pretended to be a prophet of a god, and collected a small group of true believers. And then he took over a town, and made the townsfolk slaves. And that really got to Cephas, in a very personal way. (They did take care of the man and they still have mixed feelings about doing it.)

25. how does you character smile?

With great effort. Cephas wasn't built to emote, so any facial expressions are subtle and take a lot of concentration and effort to make happen. Over time they've gotten more practiced at this and can do it almost without thought, but it's still the smallest movements for a great amount of toil.

26. does your know the names of their constellations? how did they learn them?

I think, some of them? Cephas lived with her best friend's family for a long time and I think they would've learned some of them there. But then they also definitely made a game out of making up constellations and naming them whatever they wanted, so it's a toss up whether what they know is a real constellation or one they made up and then forgot they made up.

27. do/would your character draw or write on themself?

Oh yeah, for sure.

28. would your character race someone to the top of a tall tree for bragging rights?

Not for bragging rights, but absolutely yes Cephas would race someone. And they would lose because they are big and heavy and not made for climbing, but its more about the fun of it than the winning or the losing for them.

29. is there an artist whose style you associate with your character? (visual or otherwise; poets and musicians, etc. count)

Hmm... not really?? I don't really associate artists with my characters. My friend drew Cephas once, so I think that's the closest I'm gonna get to that. Maybe Delta Rae? I feel like Delta Rae has got those witchy vibes, and that makes me think Cephas.

30. how has your character’s first impressions of their party members changed since they met them? have they stayed the same?

Oh this is delightful because when Ceph first met the party, they were pretending to be a normal construct, so the DM was 'playing' them. Which meant I got to sit there and watch, and so I wrote down what Cephas was thinking. They only met the first three members of the party that day, but I literally have it written down that it was three "good first impressions" because one of them stole a book, another one turned invisible to draw a face on a trash can, and the third called Cephas 'interesting'. Overall impression? A group of messes who just went through something tough and are not dealing with it super well.

Current impression? A surprisingly competent group of messes who are working through some stuff, and very much don't like talking about their feelings. Also, I'm invested.

Seriously though it started out as Cephas thinking they seemed fun and wanting a distraction, and now Cephas is like actually really invested in all of them and their growth and wants to help them as much as they can.

#Cephas #dnd #this was. long. but also fun.#also anon u called cephas 'my beloved' and i was like Ah? did i send this ask to myself??#maybe i did maybe i willed it into existence #anyways i love Cephas they're weird and beautiful and love their party and they have to leave soon and i am sad #Universe Answers

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bobdylanrevisited · 3 years

Text

Planet Waves

Released: 17 January 1974

Rating: 9/10

This is easily Dylan’s most underrated record, though it was released to a muted critical and commercial response, and was Dylan’s only studio album with Asylum Records. Finally backed by The Band on an official release, this is a return to form for the worlds greatest artist. The album has a much darker mood than anything Dylan had released before, with themes of failing relationships, desperation, and death. This record was released just before Bob’s first tour with The Band in 8 years, which would signal the beginning of the end for his marriage to Sara and his sobriety from harder drugs. Setting aside the personal issues going on behind the scenes, this album sounds amazing, with Dylan and The Band completely in sync. Plus, Bob’s voice now had a much more mature and world weary tone.

1) On A Night Like This - The opening track may trick you into thinking this album is going to be happy and upbeat. This tune is fun and joyful, a romantic song about spending time with a loved one, and Dylan’s country crooner voice has completely disappeared. It’s not a particularly complicated track, and is probably the least memorable on the album, but it certainly gives you a false sense of security considering the bleak tone the rest of the album is about to deliver.

2) Going, Going, Gone - My favourite song on the record. Although the lyrics revolve around suicide, I think it’s just such an amazing track, especially the latter half with an uplifting bridge before the music breaks down in an incredibly impressive style. Robbie Robertson’s guitar is fucking brilliant here, as is Dylan’s anguished voice and the backing vocals of Rick Danko. It’s just a phenomenal performance all round, and even though live versions are also enjoyable, nothing has ever topped the perfection of this recording.

3) Tough Mama - The main thing that sets this album apart from Dylan’s others is the actual music itself. Bob’s songwriting is usually the main reason I fall in love with a song, but on this record, the lyrics are secondary. This track is proof that a relatively simple song, about a relationship breaking down and going off with another woman (bit of foreshadowing by Bob), can be elevated by a backing band that seem as if they are tuned into Bob’s brain. Every member of The Band is playing at their peak, and Bob’s vocals and harmonica playing are insanely good throughout the album, but this track stands out as perfect musical synchronicity between friends with a deep love and respect for one another.

4) Hazel - A nice little track about love and desperation, again elevated by brilliant performances all round. Its nothing special but the bridge is great and displays a lot of musical prowess, once again Bob’s voice is more the star of the show than the the lyrics. The ‘Last Waltz’ live performance is fantastic though, I would always choose to listen to that version as The Band were on fire at that concert, sadly their last as a complete unit.

5) Something There Is About You - Much like the previous track, this is another love song that tells a fairly interesting story, but would be rather forgettable save for Rick Danko’s bass, Levon Helm’s drumming, and Garth Hudson’s keyboard. It’s also nice to hear a rare mention of Dylan’s hometown Duluth.

6) Forever Young (Slow) - Originally written for his kids, this ballad speaks of hope and optimism, with Dylan wishing the perfect life for his children. It’s an incredibly famous track and rightly so, it’s a genuinely lovely tune which sums up every parents dreams for their offspring.

7) Forever Young (Quick) - The exact same song as above, however this one feels like it could have been recorded during ‘Highway 61 Revisited’. I may be alone in this, but I prefer this version. The Band sound fucking brilliant, the music is exhilarating, with Rick Danko’s bass stealing the show again. Dylan sounds like his 60s self again, and I also love his harmonica playing. Basically, this is a fantastic rock song which still retains its incredibly personal and uplifting message.

8) Dirge - Dylan’s darkest track so far. From the haunting piano opening, to the first line of ‘I hate myself for loving you’, this song is all about a breakup and eventually death. People argue whether the lyrics are taking aim at Sara (unlikely as they’re still together at this point) or if his hatred is towards his audience. The latter seems correct, as he sings about finding purpose and following his own path, then wanting to disappear. Bob’s voice is phenomenal here, both desperate and acidic, and it’s the kind of song that stops you in your tracks. His angriest, most vitriolic tune since ‘Ballad Of A Thin Man’, and its brilliant.

9) You Angel You - Bob has dismissed this song for having ‘dummy lyrics’ and it’s easy to see why. It’s overly sweet and shallow, the music is fairly basic, and it’s a low point on the album. It’s still a decent enough tune, and Dylan again sounds brilliant, but it is out of keeping with the rest of the complex and intricate album.

10) Never Say Goodbye - I love the mystery of the lyrics, is it about a woman or a place? Regardless, it’s a track I always forget about until I listen to the album and remember it’s a fantastic song, again with some amazing guitar and harmonies. I know I’ve said this a lot, but The Band feel like an extension of Dylan, it’s just effortless and so intertwined, they always sounds incredible together.

11) Wedding Song - This solo acoustic track may genuinely be my vows at my nuptials. The whole song is so unashamedly drenched in love and warmth, it’s genuinely heartwarming and yet simultaneously heart wrenching, knowing the future of his marriage. Though there are some questionable lyrics, ‘I love you more than blood’, I defy anyone to find another track that encapsulates raw emotion, borderline obsession, and the desperation to understand all encompassing adoration. It’s a bittersweet note to end on, though I wouldn’t expect this album to end any other way.

Verdict: I love this record. Bob does some of his best singing so far, The Band does some of their most impressive playing, and the songs are a return to complex form following the Woodstock years of tranquility. The album evokes a unique reaction every time I listen to it, one of trying to avoid impending doom and looking for hope under a shroud of darkness. Whilst it’s not the most uplifting 42 minutes and there are a couple of tracks which let the overall album down, it’s certainly challenging and constantly fascinating. The tour that followed this release was a huge success, though Dylan and The Band reportedly hated performing what was essentially a series of greatest hit concerts, with very little played from this album. Unfortunately, Dylan’s wandering eye on the tour would result in Sara leaving him, and Bob would be both depressed and alone. Whilst his home life was falling apart, it would lead to Bob creating some of the most personal, poetic, and perfect music ever recorded.

#bob dylan #planet waves

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themagicaltunaa · 3 years

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Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today?

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things

11. Are you happy?

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

72. Do you want to have kids?

ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really?

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken

#wow this sure took a while #im gonna go knock out now #Tuna's posts #Anonymous

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lesscaringintheafterglow · 5 years

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Just for that, you answer all of them as well James Isaac. -SM-H

.....You are not supposed to be as evil as me. -JM-H

1. What have you eaten today? - Sushi! (Lunch meeting)2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?- You, so of course yes.3. What color shoes did you last wear?-My red ones :))4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?-Tie between you and the man asking me for mercy.... 5. What is your favorite scent?-You just out of the shower or fresh blood6. What is your favorite season? Why?- Autmn, bugs go back to hell! Also the leaves are pretty7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?-No.8. What color are your nails?-Natural9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?-Miss me?10. What is something you find romantic?-You11. Are you happy?-Very....until I had to do this whole thing....12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?-I have to do this whole thing, missing you.13. Dogs or Cats?-Cats15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?-Any of them as long as you are there.15. What is your style?-Expensive, designer suits, Devil in a Westwood16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?-That’s easy, you ;)17. Are you in a relationship or single?-Very Married.18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?-Their wicked mind, quick wit, those curllllllls, eyes, just everything....19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?-Benadryl Cumbersnatch or whatever comes to mind, no not really, there is no replacing him.20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?-Nothing comes to mind.21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?-Scary movie marathon and used poprocks on my husband. Good times. 22. Have you recently made any big decisions? -Ooooooobviously, hello, do you know what I do?23. Were you ever in a school play?-Maaaaaaybe24. What movie would you use to describe your life?No idea? The hobbit?25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?-I dream something, I bloody do it.26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”-This giant bag of popcorn?27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?-Ego and lack of recognizing I am the leader28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?-Flirting and lack of a penis? I dunno29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?-You came home early yay!30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?-You leaving31. How long was your longest relationship?-Ongoing32. Have you ever been in love?-You yes.33. Are you currently in love?-Very much so.34. Why did your last relationship end?-Overdose35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?-wedding ring, my husband36. When was the last time you cried and why?-This morning, nightmare37. Name someone pretty.-Sherlock38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?-a blowjob....and um....I think was it flowers love?39. Do you get jealous easily?-its not jealousy if you belong with them darling40. Have you ever been cheated on?-once41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?-explicitly42. Ever had detention?-Hahaha yes43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?-Anywhere you want to go44. What do people call you?-Jim, Boss, Moriarty 45. What was the last book you read? - The Hobbit46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? -Dude, you have no idea47. What kind of music do you listen to?-Anything48. How tall are you?-....Next question!49. Do you like kids?-want one, but we have to do it by legal means....spoil sport50. Favorite fruits?-My husband and I? Um, strawberries?51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?-Jeans but designer only52. What’s your earliest memory?-Getting a black eye from my mother for asking her for lunch after she had failed to feed me for three days straight. She hit me and threw a glass of jam on the floor which shattered, I remember picking the glass out and eating it off the floor.53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?-I have no idea?54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?-My selfie game is on point as the kids say, but behind.55. Do you have a collection of anything? -space related things, comic books, dr who merch, hobbit and lotr things56. Do you save money or spend it?-Sssssssspend it 57. What would your dream house be like?-I have like six dream houses58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?-1.When you get hurt, 2. When people don’t listen to me, 3.Jokes about my height, 4. Reminders of my parents, 5.Attempts on my life 59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face? 1-4 You and most everything you do. 5. Sales on suits60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?- I am the boss, I rescue the dog.61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?-My reaction: Hmm, time to call Mori :)62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.-Attack63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?-Italy64. Do you like the beach?-Yes, but the beach does not like me.65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?-All the time.66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!-I do, you know it, Issac67. Do you talk to yourself?-Often68. Describe your hair.-Dark?69. What is the meaning of life.-4270. What is your ideal partner like?-Sherlock Holmes71. Do you want to get married?-I am.72. Do you want to have kids?-Yes!73. Like or dislike your family?-Fuck my family.74. Are you Chunky or Slim?-Slim75. Would you consider yourself smart?-Very 76. What would you change about your life?-A few more inches77. Religious or Not?-Does Our Lady Toast count? Then no.78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?-I never catcall when drunk, have some respect, they are people too!79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?-mmm, not a problem at all80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?-You do.81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?-Well.......get here and find out82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?-They live here too so yes83. Do you like when people play with your hair? -ONLY when you do84. Do you like bubble baths?-decadent goodness85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?-Haha, they wouldn’t dare86. Have you ever danced in the rain?-Yes87. Do you trust anyone with your life?-You88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?-Fucking nightmare89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) -Its not an issue? Italy, Ireland, Spain, France, Greece, Africa, Austrailia, Amsterdam, Canada90. How was your day today?-Decent91. Play an instrument?-piano92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.-its blue and big and wet93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?-ghosts yes94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? -Getting to be yes95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?-hahahah yep96. When are you vulnerable?-Around you97. How much free time do you have?-As much as i allow myself to have, it varies98. Do you like to go hiking?-No99. Odd or Even Numbers?-Odd100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? No, not one for jumping off things.

-JM-H

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flightfoot · 6 years

Text

The “Trials of Apollo” fanfictions of grace--the-fangirl: A meta-analysis review

While I was working on that Meg & Artemis comparison analysis post, it struck me how similar my Artemis portions were to the fanfics by a certain prolific ToA writer - @grace--the-fangirl. She’s written almost a dozen ToA fics, mostly centered around Apollo’s and Artemis’s relationship. She’s really made the two characters her own, playing up certain character traits - like Apollo’s vulnerability and Artemis’s protectiveness - in order to emphasize the little brother/older sister aspects of their relationship, and to provide some fantastic hurt/comfort goodness!

While all of her Artemis’s are fairly similar, there are some minor differences between them. Most of them take care of Apollo when he’s hurt or in danger immediately, giving him a hug and support, such as when Hyacinthus was murdered in “I Loved Him And Now He’s Dead”,

Artemis knelt next to me. She opened her arms, offering a hug. I don't deserve her kindness. I don't remember accepting the hug. I practically lunged at her. I don't remember burying my head into her shoulder. I couldn't face her. I couldn't face him. But suddenly I was in her arms. She held me tightly. She wasn't judging me. She cared. She was holding me.

Other times she doesn’t realize just how much Apollo needs her, until something really extreme happens, and she realizes just how much Apollo has been hurting, how much he’s needed her, that she hasn’t seen. In Zeus Broke a Sun God, while Apollo is breaking down in front of her, he makes this confession:

When you comforted me I was so confused. I didn't understand why you cared about me so much... I mean I KNEW just… I wasn't really great off right then mentally… Arty you never really acted like you cared much if I was sad… “held me as I sobbed” so to say.. I've.. I've had my share of shitty moments and you didn't ever pick up on that fact… sometimes I really needed you and you just waved me off… so I was surprised in the least… kinda..” Artemis avoided his gaze. But finally she spoke “When did I..?”

“Hyacinth…” he whispered. Artemis felt a pang of recognition. Oh “I Just… I really needed you and you said something like “Apollo you’ve had hundreds of lovers how is this one any different” and that just tore me apart inside… but that's the past and.. And I forgave you for that and it doesn't matter any more” Artemis was speechless. She suddenly felt horribly guilty.

This Artemis WASN’T there to comfort Apollo for Hyacinthus’s death, at least not right away. She didn’t have the people-reading skills she needed, to tell just HOW MUCH Apollo was hurting at that time... but she knows now, she’s helping now. She cares just as much for Apollo in the previous story, but her “perceptive skills” dial is turned down slightly in comparison, so she just doesn’t REALIZE how badly he needs her.

Sometimes, though, her own rage and sorrow can blind her to just how badly off Apollo is. When Apollo tricks her into shooting Orion in “His Fault”, she’s SO angry, and SO broken over Orion’s death and Apollo’s role in it, that she convinces herself that Apollo DESERVES the pain and agony he’s clearly feeling:

So she one sided iris messaged him. Apollo was sitting on a stool, he was shaking and sobbing. His shoulders quaking like the ground when Poseidon was angry. Good She thought. Apollo dug his nails into his cheeks and left golden trails down his cheeks. His breaths were fast and uneven. She didn't care at all . He deserved this. He killed Orion. (She had pulled back the string. She had released the Arrow. She had m u r d e r e d him) waved her hand through the rainbow. He was suffering. Good. He deserved it. (Not her fault not her fault not her fault)

Even when she sees him mutilating himself, stabbing himself, that she considers that maybe she needs to talk to him. But she fools herself into thinking that this was a one-time thing, since she’s still angry, and just... doesn’t want it to be true.

Artemis did this many times and only just missed Apollo hurting himself. Until the time she didn't leave. It had been 8 years since they had spoken, and she one sided iris messaged him. Apollo had the dagger in his hand, Artemis watched him carefully. He took the thing and stabbed it through his palm. (The hand that pointed at Orion before she shot. His hand) Artemis watched in horror as he kept doing so. Again. And again. When he finally stopped there was a pool of ichor under him. His hand looked like swiss cheese. He growled and threw the dagger, before he fell to his knees, cradling his hand to his chest. “I deserve this” He growled. “I hurt Artie.” He clenched his jaw and retrieved the dagger, forcing himself to pick up the weapon with his mutilated(maimed, mangled, butchered) hand.

[...]

Artemis stared at the place the rainbow had been, she momentarily contemplated going to see Apollo. But her resolve hardened. It wasn't like he did that often.

How wrong she was.

It’s not until her anger cools, and she sees Apollo truly on the edge of being gone forever, that she finally gives him the comfort he needs.

Artemis had finally decided to speak with her brother again. He had suffered for a decade and the sun was starting to dim. She found him standing next to Chaos staring into the abyss with this accepting(resigned, sad, calm, b̸̢̡͠r̶̡͞o̢͟͠͞k̨̕͏̶ȩ̴̡ņ̛̕͜) expression, one of his feet fizzing out of existence. She froze. She didn't know what Apollo was thinking or doing THAT close to Chaos, but it couldn't be good(it was bad. Very very bad.) . She called his name, simply intent on getting him as far away from the darkness(void, abyss, infinity) as physically possible. She didn't like her brother much right then, but being that close to the void was extremely dangerous(hazardous, perilous, risky, treacherous, unsafe). He turned around, shocked and surprised. His eyes were dull and lifeless. She didn't realize that.

She led him away from there. They both knew they needed to have a serious chat…

[...]

“Ar-Artemis?” He murmured, his voice shaking. She pulled him into a hug. He froze. His entire form rigid.

“I don't forgive you, but i'm willing to let it go” He gasped and she felt tears soaking into her shoulder. He tried not to start sobbing he really did, but he couldn't stop himself and suddenly he was in Artemis’s arms and sobbing. His shoulders were shaking with effort and she wasn't pushing him away. “I love you Apollo.. And you're an absolute moron.. But i love you”

Even now, even as angry as she’s been, she can’t stand to see Apollo disappear. Because regardless of the universe, she loves him, and even at her angriest, she’d NEVER want him to disappear. Every Artemis will always comfort Apollo, if she realizes how much he’s hurting. That’s the bedrock of Grace’s characterization of her.

In some portrayals, (one in particular), Apollo isn’t the only one in need of comfort. While Artemis may be the main one who tries to stay strong and be the emotional rock, she still has her own emotional needs. She feels like she can’t show her vulnerability, like she has to hide how much she needs comfort. Of course, that’s when Apollo steps up.

“Oh, Artie…” His voice was quiet, concerned. “May I come in?”

I tried to respond, but all I managed was a choked whimper, so I just nodded.

Apollo took a step inside, closing the door behind him, and guided me to the nearest bunk, we sat with a dull thud.

“It's okay.. We’ll be okay.. We’ll regain our immortality. I promise.”

I only managed a shaking sob.

He scooted closer to be, rubbing my shoulder.

This is the last thing I wanted… and what I wanted most.

I didn't know what to think.

Him being here… I didn’t want to worry him. He doesn’t need to worry. I’m fine.

I’m not fine.

I’m NOT fine.

I felt like something broke inside of me, I sobbed into my hands.

Apollo pulled me into a hug, I let him. I buried my head into his shoulder. (The Hidden Oracle Plus One, chapter 17)

Artemis can TRY to be Apollo’s rock, but she’s a person too, with her own emotional needs. Apollo may need her comfort more often, but sometimes, she also just needs someone to hug her as she cries and tell her that everything’s going to be okay. That crying, being upset, being afraid, it’s all OK. That she’s not alone, she doesn’t have to go through this by herself. It shows that she’s not invulnerable. She’s a person too, and when she needs someone by her side, Apollo will always be there for her. They take care of each other. It’s just that, in most of Grace’s fics, Apollo needs to be taken care of more than Artemis does. Since in THOP+1 Artemis is nearly as vulnerable as Apollo is, it’s one of the few chances to see Apollo comforting Artemis.

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Of course, you can’t talk about Apollo & Artemis’s relationship without discussing Apollo too! Unlike Artemis, Grace’s Apollo is basically the same in all her stories. Only his circumstances change. He always needs Artemis, and is devastated whenever she’s mad at him, like in the earlier example where she’s furious with him over Orion, or in one of her earlier stories, “Alone”, where she’s just not talking to him for some petty reason, presumably not realizing just how much it would hurt Apollo. Without her, he starts spiraling into depression, convincing himself that he’s awful.

He wanted Artemis. He wanted his gods forsaken sister. He wanted her right now and he felt horrible for wanting that. The one thing in this world he wanted most was for his sister to reassure him he wasn't in fact a (worthless) failure at being her brother, at existing, at everything. He so desperately wanted her to tell him that he wasn't horrible.

This sentiment holds true throughout all of Grace’s fics, though how much he truly KNOWS that Artemis cares for him varies from fic to fic, based on the Artemis in question.

“3 things Apollo can’t make himself tell Artemis” summarizes this nicely, since it’s set in the same universe as “Alone” and “His Fault”

Apollo never could say how much he needed Artemis’s approval. How much he wanted her to just tell him he was good. How he needed her to assure him he was doing okay. That he wasn't failing or just horrible in general.

If any of Grace’s Apollos don’t have their Artemis by their side, they do very poorly. Luckily, Artemis usually catches on that Apollo needs help, even when he tries to hide it, such as in Five Python Related Incidents, after he’s had a nightmare about Python. He’s tried to hide how badly the fight with Python affected him, but Artemis knows. And she comforts him as best she can without being intrusive.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Apollo freezes caught red-handed. “I- I mean of course you did. That's a stupid question..”

Apollo wiped furiously at his eyes with his free hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked quietly.

He shook his head. No then.

I nodded. “Okay. You don't need to… You want a hug?”

Apollo shook his head.

“Okay…” I squeezed his hand gently. He had tears slowly rolling down his cheeks.

He’ll tell me about Python when he’s ready.

If he’s ever ready.

Others CAN comfort Apollo and help him, but it’s fairly rare that he’s with people who he feels comfortable opening up to besides Artemis. It only really happens in one of Grace’s fics: Astraphobia: The fear of lightning. Here, Apollo is flying in a plane with Will, Austin, and Kayla as a thunderstorm rages. He starts having flashbacks and panic attacks, and his kids catch onto why he’s having them.

“Does- does Zu-” she cut herself off. Better to not alert him. “Does he ..?” She didn't finish her sentence. We all knew of which he she was referring too. She sounded terrified. Like she feared my answer. “Hurt you.” Will finished for her. “Does he, or has he ever hurt you” There was a sad look in his eyes. The same sad look Artemis gets in her eyes whenever she finds me sobbing. It had been a long time since I had pissed off Zeus to the point of him blasting me, but the threat is always there. Looming over me like a cloud of pure pain and anguish. I nodded weakly. I would tell them the entire story later. I couldn't right now. Not without making myself start sobbing. “Oh gods…” Austin mumbled, looking green. He looked at me like he was only first seeing me. I lowered my gaze to my shaking hands. “it… it was a long long time ago” I muttered, my voice trembling. “..Still, doesn't make it right..” Kayla murmured.

Unfortunately, Apollo just doesn’t have a lot of people he feels like he can open up to, show his vulnerable side to. Still, when he does, they support him. I especially like that Kayla affirmed that even though it was a long time ago, it “doesn’t make it right”. Apollo really needs to hear that. That what Zeus did - what he still threatened to do - was WRONG.

Grace wrote another, somewhat similar story, called “Lightning Storms and Emotional Baggage”. In this one, Artemis IS there. It starts with Zeus blasting Apollo for a simple mistake, and continues onto The Lightning Thief, when Zeus is furious over his lightning bolt being stolen, and is causing lightning storms everywhere. Artemis finds Apollo. He’s afraid that she’ll call him what he calls himself: weak.

“Sorry.” I murmured, I couldn't meet her eyes. More thunder, my hands started to tremble. She wasn't supposed to know. Artemis looked at my hands, before she realized, apprehension dawned in her eyes. I waited for her to call me weak. For her to laugh or make fun of the fact that thunder actually terrified me.

If I could go back, I would tell myself to tell her sooner. Artemis would never, never make fun of me for somthing like this. Ever.

Grace’s Apollo tends to think that everyone thinks of him the way he thinks of himself... which isn’t too different from canon, honestly. But he’ll always open up to Artemis if pushed, even though he’s terrified. And whenever she knows the full depth of his feelings, she’ll comfort and protect him.

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As is probably apparent by now, Grace almost always writes these two in hurt/comfort fics, with Apollo being emotionally and sometimes physically hurt, and Artemis providing comfort - though she does have a handful of hurt/little-to-no-comfort fics, such as “Zeus, the worst father in all of eternity. Wait no, that's Kronos. Zeus, the SECOND worst father in all of eternity.”, which basically just shows EXACTLY how Zeus strips Apollo of his immortality, and the previously mentioned “Alone” and “His Fault”. Grace is EXCELLENT at these hurt/comfort fics - as should be obvious from reading even just the excerpts I’ve included in this analysis. I really want to examine in more detail WHY the hurt/comfort she writes works so well, by examining the fic she’s written that’s the best example of it - “Zeus Broke a Sun God” (In case you’re wondering why that one in particular, instead of any of the other fics I’ve mentioned: most of the others are too short, at 2000 words or less, or are “The Hidden Oracle Plus One”, which is a bit too long for me to analyze in full, isn’t complete yet, and has to fit Grace’s hurt/comfort around the canon plot, so it’s not as good an example for this. Also, “Zeus Broke a Sun God” is my favorite of Grace’s stories and I wanna analyze it. So sue me.)

“Zeus Broke a Sun God” is actually an AU of Grace’s first TOA fic, Zeus, the worst father in all of eternity. Wait no, that's Kronos. Zeus, the SECOND worst father in all of eternity. That one’s required reading for properly understanding “Zeus Broke a Sun God”, since it documents the actual torture that Apollo underwent before “Zeus Broke a Sun God” began, with Zeus capturing Apollo, and burning him with greek fire. Constantly. For months. With no ambrosia or nectar. Until he was mortal, and was ready to be thrown out of Olympus, and start ToA. “Zeus Broke a Sun God” starts shortly before the process is completed, 5 months in.

The story starts off with short, snappy sentences, with each sentence on a different line.

Artemis was scared for her brother.

It had been nearly 5 months since he had been seen on Olympus or otherwise.

Zeus refused to tell her his whereabouts, or even a hint towards his location.

But Artemis knew that wherever he was, he was hurt….

...And that Zeus was causing it.

For about a month now, she could hear an... echo, of sorts, of his voice just.. begging Zeus to forgive him.

He sounded terrified and small .

She could practically feel his despair.

Artemis had had enough.

He was sobbing for her.

Begging for her to come find him, save him.

She had to find him.

It wasn't a matter of choice anymore.

Separating the sentences out allows each one to be emphasized and processed as a different idea, really driving home EVERYTHING each sentence is trying to convey. It’s very useful for eliciting an emotional response, which Grace definitely succeeds at here. She separates out a lot of sentences for this story. Whenever she clumps them together, she tends to be trying to convey a single concept with those sentences, such as here:

Apollo didn't move. He just sat there staring at her, looking more terrified than before. “Y.. You came…” he murmured, his voice shook. His eyes were wide. He looked at her like she wasn't real, like he was just imagining her.

The description of Apollo here conveys how SHOCKED he is, using multiple sentences to drive home how broken and disbelieving he is. Putting the sentences together tells the reader that they all have a common thread like this, some core “thing” that binds them together, and makes them more effective together, instead of separated out like the others around them are.

For another example of this:

She looked at him quizzically, he nodded violently. This was the most forward reaction he had had to anything she had said. He still hadn't spoken a single word to her other that the repeated thank you’s and the thing about her coming and Zeus draining his newly regained immortality again.

Again, a core idea is conveyed: that Apollo is traumatized and broken enough that he can barely speak.

The short, separated sentences are also very effective for conveying more tense scenes, like when Artemis takes Apollo up to Olympus to confront Zeus:

When they arrived in the throne room, Apollo was basically clinging to her.

When Zeus saw Apollo, thunder rumbled and he looked absolutely livid.

Apollo was shaking.

Zeus shouted something, but it was lost to the loud thunder.

Apollo’s grip on her arm tightened.

Zeus raised his master bolt, Artemis felt no fear. She was going to protect Apollo.

She watched as Apollo flinched back and covered his head.

Anger rushed through her.

She wrapped an arm around him pulling him next to her.

The sentences are quick and flashy, the narrative equivalent of a series of fast cuts in film, letting the reader easily keep track of the actions, though not actually showing much action each time.

After the bout of short sentences, gradually Grace starts stringing more of them together as the tension lessens, allowing the reader to relax a little:

“You need rest Pollo” Artemis said. He shook his head violently. Artemis sighed, and stood up he grabbed her arm. “.....Don't leave….” He begged. She frowned “i'm crossing the room.” He didn't let go.

She looked at Thalia helplessly, before pulling away.

She went and got her box of Stygian sleep from the truck near the wall, She opened it carefully and Apollo’s eyes widened as he recognized it. Before he could pull away he had breathed it in. He fell forward into Artemis’s waiting arms with a whimper.

“Shhh….. Your safe now Pollo… Go to sleep…” He shifted for a moment, trying to fight the spell. He couldn't. He murmured something unintelligible and passed out. Artemis set him down on the cot, smiling sadly.

The immediate danger has started to pass, and every sentence doesn’t need quite as much emphasis now. There’s something of a sense of relief in these sentences.

Oh, dialogue also tends to be separated out, but that’s to make it easier to keep track of who says what. Different reason, so it doesn’t count for this.

Of course, whenever short sentences return, the tension starts rising again, as every sentence is drilled into the reader’s head:

Artemis felt sick.

A few seemed to be seriously infected.

Artemis once again felt anger bubble inside her.

Gods didn't GET infected wounds.

You can FEEL her disgust and anger here, through just these short, blunt lines.

When Artemis comforts Apollo again, the sentence clumps - they’re short enough that I don’t know whether they actually count as paragraphs- return.

She wasn't all that surprised Apollo was appearing like this, just.. Shocked. It had been years since he looked 12. She sat next to him and draped her arm around his shoulders.

He relaxed a bit when she did this. “You want to talk about it?” she inquired. He shook his head a no. “Okay… Apollo.. Do you want anything?”

“..n..nectar..” he choked out. He just couldn't get himself to talk right now.

“Apollo you're a god, you can just will nectar into existence,” Artemis said quietly. “You are NOT powerless. You can summon your own Nectar Pollo... So don't act like you can't” Apollo stared at her, then summoned his own nectar.

There’s still a lot of tension and emotion in these lines, but it doesn’t feel like something’s about to snap, like when she uses those short sentences.

Finally, after a time skip where Artemis helps Apollo recover, full paragraphs enter the story.

Ever since Artemis had rescued Apollo, nothing was the same. Apollo was different. Artemis spent a few months trying to help him recover, but it was like she was speaking to a statue for a few weeks. Yes no maybe, he didn't talk much. And he clung to her presence. She was starting to understand what Apollo meant when he used to try to explain why he was protective of her. Just the need to protect.

Apollo wasn't on Olympus often, and had one of his godly sons run his chariot. Only actually riding in it a few times a week at most. He spent most of his time alone or with Artemis and her hunters. He didn't harass them. He didn't even look at them. The hunters saw this, and some of the oldest hunters already knew something had happened to him the moment he showed up in there camp…

Since everything here is in past tense, there’s not much tension present, so full paragraphs and long sentences work well, especially since this is a bit of an info dump, catching the reader up on what happened in-between scenes, so the story can resume and not leave the reader confused.

Oh, and not to forget the actual content here, I really love this whole part of the story, where Zeus blasts Apollo again:

13 years after the giant war, and Zeus ruined everything. He had crushed any trust he was regaining in his father. He had blasted Apollo with his Master bolt, and it would take him weeks to reform. If he wanted to. If he was hurrying. His consciousness shattered into billions of pieces across the earth. When Hermes went to tell Artemis, she went into a panic. She knew Apollo wouldn't want to reform. That he would stay scattered for as long as he could….

[...]

It had been three months since Zeus vaporized Apollo, and Olympus was unusually quiet. Artemis was out searching for fragments of her brothers consciousness to try to convince him to hurry the fuck up. And then she found one…

Artemis was walking around a city when she felt the faint presence of her brother. Despair was the only emotion she felt from him. She felt sick as she searched for it, trying to contact him. She managed to form a weak link with him. “Apollo!” she yelled into the void that was her brothers fragmented mind. Artie She heard him whisper. His voice scared and small. Distinctly younger that normal. “Come back Apollo, you know you can't stay in this state forever. There's no point.” ‘m sorry “Just come back” do I ‘ave to? “Yes you idiot” it's ‘ard tho.. Don't wanna ‘ome back.. Only make things worse “No you don't. And I miss you, I know it's hard but you can do it” okay fine

A small form phased into existence in front of her, flickering and sort of staticy. She latched into him and pulled him into an embrace. His form solidified and he sagged against her. He didn't appear to be much older than 8 or 9. She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him into her. The younger Apollo looked, the worse he felt. He sobbed into her, and she just held him. Eventually she brought him to her tent with the hunters and he fell into a fitful sleep there, with Artemis curled up next to him.

I especially loved the dialogue from Apollo, it really showed how miserable and tired he feels, and it fits his younger form well. The regression is a good way of showing how powerless he feels, and how much he needs protection. Artemis makes sure that he gets that protection, and tries to make him feel safe.

Gradually the story moves to more pure comfort at the end, with Apollo confessing what Zeus did to him, absent any major new trauma. Hearing HIS side of that whole sequence was really heartwrenching, and also gave some nice context to the earlier scenes where Artemis rescued him. Plus we get Apollo actually SMILING. After everything he’s been through, reading about that brilliant smile of his was really heartwarming!

And I especially love the ending scene, where Apollo analyzes Artemis’s relationship with him, and sums it up nicely:

“The tides have turned dear sister. For most of our existence I've always been the one who was protective of you.” She gave him a sour look. “I still am.. but you are being protective of me now.” Artemis nearly choked on her nectar. Apollo smiled at her.

“I am not!” Her voice was quite a few octaves higher than normal.

“Yes you are. You feel like anything that goes 10 feet of me that could possibly be dangerous needs to be destroyed at all costs because I'm your brother and my safety is important and you will destroy anyone who attempts to hurt me.”

Artemis opens her mouth to protest but he’s right. Her cheeks flushed. Apollo laughed, an idiotic grin on his face.

“You probably feel insurmountable rage whenever Father comes into the conversation. Whenever I feel sad you just want to coddle me. Because I'm your…” Apollo visibly cringed. “little brother” Artemis stared at him, a smile making it's way across her face.

“FINALLY YOU ADMIT IT! I'M OLDER!” She whisper screamed triumphantly. Apollo groaned. “I mean yes, your assumption is correct. I am protective of- oh fuck it IM OLDER. YES.”

“Artie-”

“I love you little brother” She smiles brightly at him, and reaches over and ruffled his bright blond hair. Apollo’s cheeks were bright red. He hated this. But honestly, his entire mindset had been shattered by Zeus and everything that had occurred since the giant war. He hardly saw Artemis as his younger sister anymore, only as his equal.. And that was him denying that he saw her as older. He would still defend her honor with his life, and brutally murder anyone who harms her, but their entire twin dynamic that developed over millennia was different now. Neither twin minded much. Change wasn't bad after all.

There’s such a sense of hope and relief here! After all the tension earlier, it’s finally released, and catharsis is achieved. It also nicely sums up the relationship that Grace typically tries to portray between Apollo and Artemis.

Of course, that’s not QUITE the end of the fic. There’s a chapter two, which allows another sort of release, with Apollo coming to terms with his own feelings, and finally getting to vent at Zeus.

Apollo was done forcing himself to appear happy. He was done forcing himself to smile and to pretend everything was okay when he felt as if everything was falling apart around him. He felt scared and terrified and anxious and tired. But for the first time in what felt like eons he didn't feel so cripplingly alone. Artemis was willing to speak with him about anything, She didn't just laugh him away and mock him anymore. She loved him. He knew she loved him. He didn't have to pretend that he was happy, (a great improvement actually) because no one expected that of him anymore. He could sit quietly on a bench and no one would look at him strangely. He resented the “ what's wrong with you” look. He hoped he would never have to force himself to act so overwhelmingly fake again. He could just go talk to Artemis if he wanted, but right now he was content to sit here. He didn't feel like someone was choking him while he sat here in public. He wasn't expected to be how he was before. He wasn't seen as cheap entertainment good for a laugh but not much else. While he still felt scared and nervous.. He felt less stressed and caged and fake .

It’s a relief to read about him feeling better, a release to read about how, although he still doesn’t feel great, at least he doesn’t have to pretend to be OK on top of that, and at least he knows he has someone he can confide in, who will always be there for him. It’s melancholy, but hopeful, and kinda peaceful.

And then Zeus comes in to ruin Apollo’s day.

His actual question is presented fairly mildly... but the answer is anything but.

I have noticed an extreme difference in your personality. I would like to inquire why.”

Apollo stared at him, before he burst out laughing. A broken depressing sound that shocked Zeus.

“Of course father. You torturing me for months certainly didn't do this on its own, no. For hundreds of years i forced myself to act happy. To pretend i didn't want to just sleep and scream at how worthless i am. I pretended for years that nothing was wrong with me. That I was okay! That the optimistic sun god didn't want to curl into a ball and sob because i'm too horrible to save a single person i love from death! That I was okay. That maybe if i acted if i wasn't hurting i wouldn't hurt as much. That i wouldn't be so alone. Maybe if i pretended i was okay then it would happen. Well whoop dee doo father, you torturing made me realize i don't give a single fuck about that facade and that maybe, just maybe if i just let myself break then someone might care enough to wonder if, i don't know, good ole opti-fucking-mistic, cheerful, never down Apollo needs someone to make sure he isnt drunk out of his mind and sobbing on the floor of his apartment because no one gave a shit about him? You all just figured that you could say whatever the fuck you want and i didn't mind? Just leave me alone. I don't want to deal with your stoic bs about how you torturing me was for the best and that how you finally got me to crack after years of false cheerfulness. Great job. You managed to break the wall i built around myself for years in 5 short months! Great job father! Now just leave me alone.” Apollo snapped, glaring at his father.

Apollo finally gets to vent here, for both himself, and the reader. We vicariously experience his same grief and rage, and satisfaction now that it’s finally out, that Zeus finally knows. It also shows the reader more of what Apollo was feeling, reinforcing the sympathy we have for him.

Of course, Zeus doesn’t take too kindly to this, but Apollo manages to get away before he can blast him. He and Artemis go to safety on Delos, and have one last talk, where Apollo reinforces just how LONG he’s been suffering, and Artemis is just... THERE for him. She won’t leave. And she makes a promise on the river Styx:

Artemis sighed and squeezed his shoulder. “I promise to protect you from father. I swear it on the river Styx that I will do my absolute best to protect you from father. You will NOT become mortal any time soon or EVER if I have anything to say about it. Okay Apollo?” She announces. Thunder rumbles in the distance, sealing the deal.

This last promise of protection is the climax of the story, leaving the reader with the certainty that she will try... but the trepidation of knowing that she might fail. Still, she’ll be there for him, and will never stop trying to protect him. It’s a melancholy, but hopeful note to end on, much like the last chapter... though there’s a tinge of anger this time around, lingering from Apollo’s earlier rant, and from the knowledge that Zeus might try to take out his anger on the people precious to the Twins.

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Grace is a great writer, and I’m really glad she got the ball started on ToA fics! Seriously, I don’t think they actually existed before she came around (not counting Solangelo fics, which could often be categorized as HOO fics instead.) Her Apollo and Artemis are interesting to read, and even if they differ from canon a bit, they’re great characters in their own rights.

#trials of apollo #grace--the-fangirl #my analysis post #flightfoot #apollo #artemis #fanfiction #I hope you like this!#Finally finished it!

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ask-melchior-gabor · 6 years

Note

do them all

(AN: trigger warning for mentions of rape, suicide, self-harm, violence - some covered more in depth than others)

1. Who hurt you the most?: Probablymyself; I find that most of the most painful experiences of my life werebrought about by my own foolish actions, and their continued power over my lifealso stems from my inability to let go of them.

2. Who have you hurt the most?: Painis a difficult thing to measure, whether physically or emotionally, and I’vehurt a lot of people. I would probably say Wendla, though, although that’smostly speculative; I know very little of the pain she’s felt.

3. Who do you miss the most?: Idon’t miss many people so much as I might miss the closeness we once shared,and I can’t complain about that rift, as it is mostly my fault.

4. Who do you want out of your life themost?: Freedom.

5. Who had the biggest positive impacton you?: I would say my friends, simply byvirtue of them sometimes being able to remind me that life is more than justintellectual pursuit.

6. Who had the biggest negative impacton you?: Most of my formative forces –parents, teachers, clergy.

7. Who do you wish you could be honestwith?: I think I’m honest towards everyone.

8. Who have you harbored (any kind of!)secret feelings towards?: The secret feelings I’ve had towardspeople were only secrets by virtue of me having no one to tell about them. Orby private resentment that stems from an irrational place. I keep those tomyself in an attempt to quell them.

9. Who would the world be better offwithout?: I’m sure I could make a list, butthen again, I think even the existence of the most ‘evil’ people in the worldcontributes to our ability to have kindness. So perhaps we’d be ‘better’ ifthey were dead, but not if they had never existed.

10. Who do you wish you’d treateddifferently?: Most of the friends I’ve ever had;although ‘wish’ is a strong word – I try not to wish for anything anymore.

11. What was the worst day of your life?:I can think of a few, usually involving physical injury. Thesecond time I got my nose broken was no picnic, if you’ll pardon the expression.

12. What’s your greatest fear?: Ihave many, but, broadly speaking, the unknown, although it also thrills me.

13. What’s your biggest insecurity?: Answered

14. What’s your biggest regret?: Ican talk all that I want to about how I try to let go of regrets, and that istrue, but I can’t deny that my greatest regret is raping Wendla. The majorreason I hesitate to call it my greatest regret is that I feel like the connotationof regret somehow cheapens the gravity of my actions, as if it was just somesort of accident that happened.

15. Describe your ideal world.: Onewhere the truth is no longer hidden.

16. Describe your personal hell.: Anyafterlife is something that I’d consider a hell.

17. What’s a hopeless dream you’re stillholding on to?: I’ve stopped having those.

18. What’s the most embarrassed you’veever been?: It must have been a while ago; I can’tremember feeling embarrassment recently.

19. What’s the angriest you’ve everbeen?: I’m angry a lot; much of it stems from the school’s blatantmistreatment of my friends and me.

20. What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?:Sadness is difficult to measure (although I suppose anyemotion is), and again, there have been a few times in my life where I’ve felta great sadness.

21. What’s the most scared you’ve everbeen?: That would probably go to when I thought my boyfriend hadkilled himself; I know I shouldn’t fear death, but emotions won’t stop forlogic.

22. What’s the most hopeless you’ve everfelt?: My time in the reformatory; I didn’t know what I was doingor when I might be able to escape.

23. What’s the most frantic you’ve everfelt?: I’ve had a few anxiety attacks, and they’re more than justwhat I’d describe as ‘frantic’, but I’d definitely say that I felt franticbecause of them.

24. What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?:I don’t know that I’ve ever felt particularly brave. Maybewhen I was much younger and used to play pirates and explore the woods.

25. What’s the best case scenario foryour future?: I reach a point where I can have agreat impact on youth education and/or the government. Change the world and allthat.

26. What’s the worst case scenario foryou future?: Some horrible combination ofsustained life and sustained physical pain; perhaps being chained in the churchbasement and forced to recite psalms until I’m an old man, although that’shardly a scenario for the future that’s likely.

27. What’s the most physical pain you’veever felt?: There have been a few memorabletimes when I’ve been beaten up; notably at the reformatory or a few times indetention.

28. What’s the most emotional painyou’ve ever felt?: I’d say that most of last year wassteady emotional pain.

29. Describe a time you felt like ahypocrite.: I feel like one almost every day; itis very hard to live according to the actual beliefs that I hold – those beingbeliefs of completely nihilist properties. On the upside, it means that itdoesn’t matter whether I actually follow them or not, but still, saying thatanything matters still feels somehow hypocritical. Of course, then I wonder ifmaybe my beliefs are hypocritical as well. Then again, it doesn’t actuallymatter.

30. Describe a time you felt like atraitor.: I don’t know that I place enough importanceon any commitments to be traitorous to them.

31. Describe a time you felt like ahero.: I’ve never felt like a hero, although perhaps I’ve felt morelike a tragic hero.

32. Describe a time you felt inhuman.: That’snever happened.

33. Describe a time you felt like afailure.: When I’ve let my friends suffer andwasn’t there to notice or care. I know that I never technically ‘failed’ themwhen all is said and done, but it does feel like it.

34. What’s the worst thing you’ve everdone?: You probably know the answer to that better than I do atthis point, after all, I am judging my life from a subjective and partialstandpoint.

35. What are you proudest of?: Myprogress. All of it.

36. What’s your relationship with yourfamily like?: I think I’ve grown to resent myparents less, but we’ve never been entirely close, even when I was muchyounger.

37. What’s your relationship withreligion like?: I abhor it and think it should beeradicated completely, but I suppose I can’t control what anyone else thinks.

38. Talk about someone you’ve lost.: Besidesa grandfather that I’ve long since stopped missing, I haven’t really lostanyone to death, or even to circumstances of life. I’m amazed.

39. Talk about someone who abandonedyou.: If I say ‘abandoned’ it seems as though they were in thewrong when they did it, yes? Then no one’s abandoned me.

40. Talk about a desire you have thatscares you.: I’ve probably mentioned this before,but natural sexual desires frighten me; I can’t control them and they’recertainly powerful. I worry I’ll let them get out of control again.

41. What’s something you wish you werecapable of?: Transcending the need to pleaseothers.

42. What’s something you’re afraid thatyou’re capable of?: In a sort of contrast to theprevious question, I’m capable of being truly uncaring to what other peoplethink and not caring about the consequences that my actions can have. I’ve beencruel at times, and reckless and detached at others.

43. Describe the kind of life you wishyou’d been born into.: One far into the future.

44. Describe your worst heartbreak.: Idon’t know that I’ve ever had a great heartbreak.

45. Describe your worst disappointment.:I’ve certainly disappointed others, that’s for sure.

46. Have you ever taken a fall forsomeone?: Not in so dramatic a sense of theword.

47. Have you ever forced or let someonetake a fall for you?: Not really, but there have beentimes when the consequences for my actions have been much less severe than theyshould have been, or that they were for other parties similarly involved.

48. Have you ever done serious physicalharm to someone?: Yes.

49. Have you ever done serious emotionalharm to someone?: Undoubtedly.

50. Have you ever self-harmed?: Notphysically.

51. Have you ever attempted suicide?: No.

52. Have you ever stolen something?: Yes.

53. Have you ever cheated on someone?: No.

54. Have you ever been cheated on?: Idoubt it.

55. Have you ever taken revenge onsomeone?: Yes, although I don’t condone it.

56. Have you ever seriously consideredkilling someone?: No; death is not the worst thing youcould do to a person, anyway.

57. Have you ever betrayed someone whotrusted you?: Undoubtedly.

58. Have you ever experienced somethingsupernatural or unexplainable?: Unexplainable by me in that moment?Yes. Ultimately unexplainable? I don’t think there’s such a thing.

#melchior gabor #rape #suicide #violence #self-harm #Anon #ask

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torestoreamends · 6 years

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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Recap – 16/12/17

When I see an incredible performance of Cursed Child there’s normally a moment when I look at the stage and think ‘this is very special, and I need to do everything I can to remember it’. With this performance, that didn’t happen. It didn’t hit me how amazing it was until the next day, when all the tiny little details came flooding back to me, and I slowly realised that every single tiny piece of what I’d just seen was flawless.

Every time I see the show I want to see new things, I want to learn something about the characters, or about the technicalities of the show. I want to take something exciting away with me, some new revelation that can feed my future enjoyment of the world and of the show.

With this one, it felt very average at the time. Everyone did their normal things, no one noticeably brought anything particularly new to the table. It was very standard, very well executed; safe but high-quality. But on reflection, within the things I’ve become so familiar with over the last seven months, were new and exciting things, tiny things, that made the whole show incredibly special. Like a layer of glittery festive icing sugar on top of a very standard but tasty chocolate cake. This one definitely glittered.

I think I might get the things that I wasn’t wildly in love with out of the way first, so nothing gets in the way of the lengthy speech I have planned about how much I adore Mackley, Samuel, and James Howard (among others).

So I had never seen a cover Ron until this show. I’ve seen the show n amount of times, and have now seen the main Ron n-1 times. This started out as luck, but recently became more by design. Anyway, I was resigned to this one. I guessed it was coming, prepared myself accordingly, and now there is no longer a character in the play that I haven’t seen a cover for!

I think I need to see Danny’s Ron again. I always find it weird seeing a cover of a character for the first time, because you spend half the play just getting used to them so you don’t really get a full sense of what it is their doing, and what journey they’re going on. But that didn’t stop me having opinions.

I thought he was great with the more serious stuff. I really enjoyed his second timeline (this was one of the best second timelines I’ve seen all round actually), especially the awkward staircase scene with Hermione. Where he fell down was the comedy. I think the problem came from him replicating what Tom does, and obviously he’s a different actor to Tom. I think he would have been a lot more successful if he’d done his own thing with it.

There were things that are really funny when they’re over-emphasised, and he didn’t really push those things. They would have been great if he’d gone further with them (I’m thinking of the baby or a holiday scene in particular, which had good potential, but I just wanted more of everything). Also, in Act Four I found his Ron more standoffish and sulky than a joker, especially in the church, which really didn’t work for me. He’s a good actor, but definitely not my Ron.

Anyway, moving on to the things I really enjoyed.

Part One

This cast is weird. They’ve always been weird. And what I mean by that is that, in general, their Part Two is a lot better than their Part One. It’s been that way ever since the first show, and I don’t know what it is, but Part One often just feels like set up. The real action begins at the end of Act Two, and that’s when the really brilliant stuff comes out. That’s when they fire up.

However, every month or two, they’ll give a performance where Part One really shines. It’ll come alive, every second of it will be compelling, and I’ll be totally blown away. This was definitely one of those. It was a great Part One.

The fun really started with Mackley’s blanket scene. Last time I saw him do one of these I thought it could have been more explosive, but this one was everything I expect from him. He actually screamed himself into tears, which was really cool.

I didn’t notice it this time, but normally one of my favourite things about a Mackley blanket scene is how the power balance between Harry and Albus changes when he’s on as opposed to Theo. When Theo is Albus, Harry takes a position of physical power in the scene – Jamie stands up and towers over him, while he stays curled up on the bed until near the very end of the scene.

With Mackley it’s the opposite. Albus stands up and positions himself behind the bed head, putting a physical barrier between himself and Harry, and using the height advantage over his dad to make himself big and intimidating in his anger, meanwhile Harry sits on the bed looking up at him. Since Jamie uses his physical positioning in scenes in such a specific way, to emphasise where harry feels he is in the pecking order, I actually love seeing this difference. I find it very cool and very fascinating.

The other great bit of the scene this time was how Mackley screamed in his face. It gave me beautiful flashbacks to the days of Jamie P and Sam, when being nose to nose and yelling was a daily occurrence. I can clearly remember Mackley straining as he shouted, and by the time he got to the end of “no, I just wish you weren’t my dad!” his voice cracked, and Albus went from angry to broken in a heartbeat.

That fracturing at the key moment of the scene, when Albus is his angriest, just shows how much Albus really loves his dad and wants to be loved back, and emphasises his despair in the fact that he thinks it will never be possible to get that love. My friend @eldabe said the most brilliant thing, which I think applies perfectly here: “Mackley’s Albus is just such a unique combination of vulnerable kid and confident teenager”. He is confident, he’s bold, he shouts for what he wants, and inside he’s this mess of a child who just wants love and friendship and adventure, and I think that is what I find exciting about him.

Oh the quiz scene in this show... I cannot overstate how much I adore Samuel and Mackley as a combination. They may not be the most Scorbusy, but I love how much fun they have together. I love how Mackley is enough of a loose canon to keep Samuel endlessly entertained.

Whenever I see Mackley and Samuel together they sparkle at each other. They have this joy in their eyes, and you can see their love of performing and performing together, and you can see how much they’re enjoying themselves. This is particularly the case with Samuel, because every time I’ve seen him with Mackley, there comes a point in the show where he stops doing his job and starts having fun. It stops being a thing he loves that is his livelihood, and becomes a game. He sort of takes flight, and everything becomes effortless, and somehow when Samuel is enjoying himself and when he’s flying, he’s even more Scorpius than he is when he’s really focusing on his craft. It’s not really something I can capture in a description, it’s something you have to see for yourself.

But anyway, in this show, the quiz scene was where Samuel started having fun, and from there the rest of the Part was just pure joy. It was delightful.

I remember one moment very clearly from this scene. When Scorpius says “get that strange look out of your eye”, Mackley turned to Samuel, put his hands on his shoulders, and for the first time ever I got this overwhelming sense of Albus as a hero. In that moment, Albus was the hero of his own story, he was taking control of his life, and he was a force of nature.

Over the shows I’ve seen Mackley do as Albus, I’ve seen the balance between Albus and Scorpius get better and better. The first time, I didn’t even notice Anthony until some point in Act Four, because Mackley and Albus were the star of the show. But the more I see him with Samuel, the more the balance between Albus and Scorpius gets. Albus no longer dominates Part One the way he once did; this quiz scene was the only moment where I really felt he was in control of their partnership.

Ed was in Danny’s track in the St Oswald’s scene. It was aesthetically pleasing. (If anyone doesn’t know why that’s significant... message me and I’ll explain.)

This was only the second time I’d seen Martin as Amos/Dumbledore, and I certainly enjoyed his Amos a lot more this time (I already loved his Dumbledore). It took me until this second show to get used to his voice and the way he plays the character. He feels a lot more solid, and a bit younger than Barry; more tough and up for a fight, and I quite like that. It certainly worked well in the scene at St Oswald’s, where he and Mackley were going at each other. I also love how you can see Delphi getting more and more frustrated with him, because he’s so head strong and difficult to control.

One of my favourite things about seeing Mackley as Albus is getting to see him play not only with Samuel, but also with Annabel. You can see how well they get on and how used to each other they are. The two of them really come alive together. The best example of this is the ‘Wizzo!’ moment.

They don’t decide before they go on what they’re going to do there. It’s pure improv. Annabel comes up with an idea on the spot (presumably something as ridiculous as she can think of) and Mackley has to copy her as if he’s been doing it all along. And then Samuel has to come rushing in and go along with the whole mess. It’s really glorious. (This show’s wasn’t the best one I’ve seen. Annabel confessed last time Mackley was on that she was running out of ideas, and while this one was fine and very ridiculous, Samuel didn’t pick up on it as well as I’ve seen him do before. There have been some truly stellar ones before though.)

The other random thing that I adore about Mackley is how calm he is about the Expelliarmus. It doesn’t look like he’s at all worried about catching the wand. He does the trick a lot slower than Theo, but that actually makes it better, because he’s so confident in it that you never doubt for a second that it‘ll work. It’s always very impressive.

I have been hearing about James McGregor’s Bane for a long time, but have never managed to see him before. However, I finally understood what all the fuss was about (honestly, I got AA16 for the most aesthetically pleasing show ever – Ed as ‘Danny’, James as Bane, and Leah as Polly. Even I was jealous of me.) Anyway, I did just about manage to form coherent thoughts about James’s Bane, which was no mean feat, let me tell you.

He’s a very young seeming Bane. His anger is raw and new. Nuno’s (and Adam’s too from what I remember) feels worldly and developed over years of bitterness and hatred, but James’s Bane has a similar sort of anger to Albus, one that’s just beginning to take flame. It was a really interesting take, and he felt sort of naive in his anger. It made me wonder how long centaurs live, because I always assumed Bane was older by now, but maybe not in centaur years. Anything goes when your character is a magical creature!

I had three favourite things from the First Task scene this time. 1. Josh and James P spelling TWT with their hands at the start of the scene. I’ve seen this before, but it’s normally Mackley and James P, so it was cute seeing James P teaching it to Josh in character at the very beginning of the scene. 2. Before the ‘I love Krum’ chant, Mackley turns his back on the audience, and when it starts he does a Macarena style jump to start the routine. It’s ridiculous, and I love everything about it. 3. Rupert decided he was very very scared of the dragons, and went to hide behind Ed, who ended up right at the front of the crowd.

Also, I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before, but I love everything Samuel does in this scene (I love everything he does in every scene but whatever). Scorpius gets so excited working out which task it is, and looking around the crowd. He’s so overwhelmed to be part of history, it’s adorable. One of Scorpius’s cutest moments, and one of the (many) parts where you realise how perfect Samuel is.

A really cool thing in the hospital wing scene was seeing how detached Martin’s Dumbledore is from everything. It was so portrait-like. At the end of the scene, when he says ‘and I never had a son’, he wasn’t looking at Harry. It was like he couldn’t bring himself to, or maybe just that a portrait can’t express emotion in that way. Either way it was very interesting, and it goes along with what Martin’s said before about Dumbledore being a grief stricken old man, and very similar to Amos in that sense. That grief and emotion, and the inability to express it (especially at this point in the show) really makes sense.

I will never not love the potent look between Scorpius and Harry, once Albus has run away after telling Scorpius he can’t talk to him anymore. It’s such a guilty, heartbreaking thing. (Also, Mackley’s version of Albus running away is so gorgeous. It’s definitely one of those ‘vulnerable kid’ moments, which are so powerful beside the confident teenager he’s playing earlier in the scene. He so desperately needs his dad that he’s willing to throw everything away with Scorpius for a chance a his dad’s love.)

The DADA scene in this show was absolutely flawless. I’ve never loved Rakie’s Hermione as much as I did this time around. She usually has brilliant interaction with everyone in the scene, but this time in particular she had these really cool moments with all of them. I remember her catching Josh laughing and crouching down in front of him when she said the ‘what limited popularity you’ve got left line’ and then sort of repeating to him a couple of times that he should be quiet, while he looked utterly bemused and a little bit afraid. At one point she also told April off. Having said all that, she was a lot calmer and more contained in this show than others, and I think that was why I loved it so much – she has a tendency to play it too wild for my personal taste.

So last time I saw the play I discovered a new technical detail that I’ve never seen before. In the duel scene, as well as the handles on the back of Harry and Draco’s costumes to help them be lifted more easily, @ohscorbus and I noticed that Draco is wearing a sort of harness under his robes. I noticed it again in this one, and thought it was a fun little thing that’s super subtle and that people might miss.

Anyway, this was a fantastic duel. Possibly Jamie G’s best attempt at a Flipendo ever. He landed perfectly on his feet, and I was incredibly impressed. I think he was impressed too, because he ended up in the wrong place for the next spell while he was recovering from doing so well! He had to run across the stage, which I’ve never seen him do.

The best bit, though, was the bit after the duel. James Howard was exceptional in this one. He was the person in particular who didn’t anything especially stunning, but he exuded Draco to an extent I’ve never seen before even from him. Every detail was beautiful, and on reflection those details were even more breathtaking than they felt at the time.

I love it when he speaks so softly as he says “don’t lose the boy”. Draco means that line with every part of his soul. That experience and that sentiment is what makes him such a good and caring dad. He gets that sort of thing. He understands and identifies with Albus, whether or not he knows it, and that softness, the deliberateness, just proves it. I far prefer a quiet delivery to the louder ones. Counter-intuitively, it makes it much more direct and impactful.

I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but Samuel’s library scene is a work of art. Truly, it is a masterpiece. And I mean that in the highest sense of the word. Every single thing he says and does is so carefully crafted, into this wash of emotion and atmosphere. He holds the audience in the palm of his hand. This scene is why I want to have words with everyone who hasn’t given him an acting award yet. Because really. Really really.

Anyway, this was one of the best. This was beautiful. Because not only was Samuel firing on all cylinders, but Mackley was too. This was another instance of Mackley yelling himself into tears, and Samuel responded with emotion and anger and all the power and strength that Scorpius has inside him.

It was an angry, loud one. The tears were angry tears. And yet the bit about Astoria was so soft. (Don’t get me started on Samuel’s dynamics. I could write a novel.) Actually though, the best bits of stillness and quiet came in the second half of the scene.

One of the things Mackley does so incredibly well is having the confidence and courage to be absolutely still and hold an emotion on stage. He does it after Albus’s sorting, and he did it again here.

When they emerged from beneath the Invisibility Cloak he just stood at the back of the stage looking at Scorpius for the longest time, totally silent and still, and when he moved forward it was tentative and nervous, like he didn’t know if he was allowed to be near Scorpius anymore. The whole interaction was soft and slow and full of silent tension. Samuel always takes so long to say “thanks”, and normally Theo is waiting to jump straight back in again and go on with the apology, but Mackley didn’t. He took a pause that only built the tension and atmosphere between them.

When the hug in this scene finally came, Albus hugged Scorpius so hard that he actually lifted him off his feet. Samuel was not expecting that. He was so determined that Scorpius should not hug Albus back, that he ended up flailing his arms and feet around in the air in an attempt to kill his instincts for self-preservation. It was very sweet.

A final note on Part One. April has changed the line “girls and boys” to “boys and girls” a couple of times now. It makes the line feel very weird, but it is quite entertaining. I’d like to know if it’s deliberate, because she’s so confident about it that you really can’t tell.

Oh and one more, because I can’t help myself. I love how when Myrtle flirts with Scorpius, Samuel closes his robes over himself and makes himself all small, and then when she flirts with Draco, James hunches his shoulders and makes himself as small as he can too. It’s so sweet to see how much they really are father and son. These Malfoys are perfection.

It was an utterly gorgeous Part One. I loved every second of it, and it got me very excited for Part Two.

Part Two

This Part Two was such a slow burn of feelings that even now, over forty-eight hours later, I’m still suffering. I got very little from it in the moment, but it continues to slay me, which is a good part of why I’m writing this recap! The more I think about it, the more I love it. So I shall now make myself love it even more...

Samuel corpsing is my favourite thing. His ambition in life seems to be to make everyone on stage with him break, so to see someone else break him is a thing of beauty. I’m beginning to wonder if actually Elizabeth is trying to make him crack in the first scene of the act, by getting creepier and creepier. Anyway, whether it was deliberate or not, I think she managed it.

She sort of stroked Samuel’s cheek in this chillingly creepy way, and I’m pretty sure Samuel lost it for a bit. He was still sort of half grinning, half laughing in the next couple of scenes. But like I say, it’s difficult to tell sometimes if he’s broken or not, because he spends so much of his time smiling, and he also has Scorpius do all these anxious smiles when he’s very afraid, which he definitely is in this scene.

I love Leah’s Polly. I don’t think I have anything more to say about it than that... She’s great. I hope she stays next year and gets promoted, because she’s definitely my favourite Polly ever.

So the scene in Draco’s office. This has become (perhaps it’s always been) my favourite scene in the show. I love it with everything I have, and I love watching Samuel and James’s version – every one of their versions of it.

This was a very standard version of the scene. It had all the normal stuff that I’ve come to expect from these two. Samuel cried, Draco came out from behind the desk when I expected him to, Draco grabbed Scorpius’s chin and studied him... The usual.

Except this scene, on reflection, was so far from usual. It was stunning. Stunning for two main reasons.

First, when Draco emerged from behind the desk, he glanced over his shoulder at the door before saying “did your mother really say that of me?” I’ve talked to James about the possibility of Draco being undercover in this world, and I sort of take that as read in his portrayal at this point. So this glance over his shoulder was wanting to make sure no one would overhear this dangerous thing: how desperately he wanted to confirm that Astoria had said he was brave.

Second, after the chin grab he turned round and braced himself on the desk. This is powerful enough already, because he simply can’t face Scorpius when he says “can’t lose you too”. He’s trying to stay strong, but he knows he’ll break if he looks Scorpius in the eye. However, in this version there was an added level of potency.

As he said the line he ran his fingers round the edge of his wedding ring. He was so obviously thinking of how much it hurt him to lose Astoria, he doesn’t want anymore of her light to leave his life. Scorpius, this Scorpius in particular, is the last piece of hope that he has left to hold onto. He needs Scorpius so much in that world. Scorpius is his inspiration to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep up his Malfoy front and be who his family needs him to be. That single little run of fingers round the wedding ring has caused me a lot of pain in the last day or so. James is so rude, but I love him for it.

David’s writing on the blackboard is getting more obscure by the day, which is fun, but also a bit frustrating. It’s gone beyond the point where I know the phrase or can easily find it through google. This show’s one was ‘sapienter di-‘ so if anyone has any Latin intel and can help out with a translation, let me know!

Why is it that the covers are so good at getting hooked onto the Dementors, when the main actors do it every day and are still rubbish? I find it mind-boggling. Anyway, if Danny and Nicola ever end up doing a show together it will be the most stress-free Voldemort timeline we’ve ever seen.

I want to know what Draco says to Scorpius during their walk up to the castle together after the boys have returned from the lake. You can always see Draco talking to Scorpius, maybe telling him off, during the end of the scene by the lake, but he can’t be all angry, he must also be so relieved. I’d love to hear all that... I wonder if maybe after Draco is done telling Scorpius off he just stops talking, and it’s tense, awkward silence for the rest of the walk.

Josh as Karl in the bit with the kids eavesdropping on McGonagall’s office is really cute. Normally Mackley’s Karl does such a good job of comforting Rose, it’s one of his most lovely scenes, but Josh’s Karl really does not. He has no idea what to do. Craig and Yann end up coaching him through it, telling him he’s closest to her so he has to do something, telling him what it is he needs to do. And in the end all Josh’s Karl can manage is a really awkward little pat on the shoulder.

Mackley’s Albus’s relationship with Harry really shines in Part Two. This is also where we see the ‘confident teenager’ part of his personality come out. He’s so bold in his interactions with Harry. Where Theo’s Albus turns away, avoids eye contact, almost hides himself, Mackley’s Albus does the opposite.

In the dorm scene, when they’re sitting on the suitcase, Mackley has Albus turn to face his dad right from “Really scared you?” It turns from being slightly bitter and disbelieving to a real question, and Harry’s response to it shifts, towards amazement that his son doesn’t understand how scared he is of everything. It’s a real step on their journey, that with these two comes from Albus’s boldness.

The beginning of Scorpius and Albus’s dorm scene feels so empty without the pillow fight these days. It’s very weird.

The Owlery scene was pretty great in this one. Annabel and Mackley get on so well together that their interactions are brilliant, and then you have Samuel on the edge figuring things out on his own.

Scorpius realising Delphi was evil was really cool this time. He said “I don’t believe you were ever ill” so softly, like he was just disappointed in her. Disappointed and upset. She’d let him down by lying to him, when all he wanted was to trust her like Albus did. It was a lovely take on the moment.

Also, Annabel was kind of grabby, touchy feely with the boys. Delphi patted Scorpius on the knee; help Albus’s face, all the good stuff that makes her extra creepy.

This torture scene wasn’t just good, it was revelatory. Ever since the 17th of September, when I first saw Mackley with this cast, I’ve been on something of a journey of discovery with this scene. In that show, this scene really confused and disconcerted me. I found Mackley’s take on it so far from my concept of Albus (which he normally matches up with so well) that I was completely thrown off. And then, of course, I saw Theo do the same things that I’d seen Mackley do, but for some reason I preferred them then. So I’ve been figuring this one out, talking about it a lot, trying to understand where both Theo and Mackley are coming from, and I think I finally get it.

Mackley has Albus almost completely collapse in this scene. He’s still fierce, but that’s inspired by Scorpius, who’s the strong one, the one holding everything up. Scorpius is using everything he gained in the Voldemort timeline to be solid and keep fighting and refuse to be broken, and Albus latches onto that.

I don’t think Mackley nodded to say that yes he would go along with Delphi this time, but I’ve talked to both him and Theo about what it means when it does happen, and it’s a ploy. It’s to convince her that he’s going to go along with her, and buy himself and Scorpius (mostly Scorpius) time. And even if it’s not that, even if it’s just a total, fearful collapse, I can sort of understand that too.

The way Mackley plays Albus’s reaction to Craig’s death is to fall apart, all his fight and self-confidence imploding, and I see why. It’s not that event that destroys him, that’s just the tipping point, it’s that on top of everything that’s happened.

When Albus decides to destroy the Time-Turner, it’s because he’s already so broken by the thought of the damage he’s caused. This is a boy who (according to Theo) has nightmares about anything bad happening to his family. In everything that’s happened in the show to this point, all that Albus has done is hurt people, and he’s very much aware of that. He’s caused damage to the whole world, to his family, and to Scorpius, and in destroying the Time-Turner he set out to put all that right, but all he’s done is get someone else killed, for which he fully blames himself. So of course he collapses! It’s the despair of a kid who wants to do some good and still fucks up.

At his lowest point in this scene he must question whether he’s worthy of anything (Scorpius’s friendship, his dad’s love, any of it), if this is what his impact on the world is. Maybe this is what the Sorting Hat saw in him, this potential for complete and utter destruction.

In the context of a good, kind, loving boy, who just wants friendship and for his dad to appreciate him, it’s heart breaking. He’s heroic and noble, and so much like his dad – he takes the weight of everything on his shoulders. And for a kid like that to get to the point he reaches in this scene is devastating. It’s the opposite of everything he wants to be, and he really thinks it’s all his fault, even though so much of it has come from his manipulation.

So that was the revelation I reached, watching Mackley in this scene. I’ve finally come full circle, and figured out exactly where he was going with Albus on the 17th of September. I’ve learned a lot about Albus in the last three months, and I’m really glad I have, because now I can appreciate how that Albus that confused me so much is still the same as my Albus.

Another person who I had a minor revelation about in this show was James Howard. If you know me you’ll know that James has been my Draco ever since I saw his very first performance. I’ve loved him every step of the way. And on Saturday I managed to pin down one of the reasons I adore his Draco so very much.

James has nailed Draco’s instinct for both self-preservation, and the need to protect his son. He plays a Draco who has clearly learned so much from his life experiences, who knows how to behave in duels, and around instances of Dark Magic, and who knows how to do all sorts of difficult spells. But he’s also learned these sort of worldly instincts, things like how to handle hierarchy in a situation, when it’s his place to step in and fight, and when to let someone else take charge and trust that they’ll do a good job. When he’s functioning in a group and not as a lone wolf, he’s brilliant, despite his social awkwardness and how afraid he is.

He knows how to survive all sorts of situations, because he’s seen so much, done so much, experienced heartbreak and failure and true fear. Everything he does in the play is about survival, it’s that instinct to keep himself and his son going, whether it’s in the Voldemort timeline when he’s defending their position, or when he knows Scorpius has been kidnapped, or when he’s fighting Delphi with the group. He can manoeuvre around all those situations, and James makes that feel so real, like such a basic instinct for Draco.

He makes his acting choices, and the person he sees Draco as being, feel entirely real, entirely ingrained, and his thoughts and ideas are like pure instinct and mannerism. There’s no separation between him and Draco, and it’s an incredible thing that I’m in awe of and would love to know how he pulls off.

I’ve now seen Morag as the Station Mistress twice! I actually saw her first show, which I think was a surprise to the cast as much as to us – James McGregor was listed on the cast board, so that first time she was a last minute substitution.

The second time was definitely better from all sides. Having her as a surprise was very cool, but also sort of threw off the whole balance of the scene, and it was better with practice, because the boys had to switch up their lines, and she had to figure out where to stand on the stage to make the scene work.

I’ve spoken to a lot of people who seem to prefer Martin’s Amos to his Dumbledore, but I’m actually the opposite. Although I’ve warmed to his Amos now I’m used to it, I think the standout is his Dumbledore, which is really fascinating.

He gives Dumbledore so much fragility and pain. Although his Amos is a lot more solid-feeling than Barry’s, his Dumbledore really isn’t. His Dumbledore is fracturing at the seams and falling apart. It’s not a take I’ve thought of before, but I love it a lot, especially in the context of Martin’s theory that Dumbledore and Amos’s grief is what makes them so similar.

I can’t remember if I did Cackle Watch with Alex last year, but I’m certainly doing it with James. I have this theory that the destiny of everyone who plays Draco is to end up cackling when they say “maybe it’ll be mine soon enough”. I think it’s an inevitability of inhabiting that character for a year. It just happens. Alex did it, and now James is just proving the point, because every show he sneaks just a teeny bit closer to cackling there. At the moment it’s still a laugh (albeit an evil one), but soon... Soon we shall achieve full cackle.

Having raved about James, because I think he’s perfect, I do want to pull up one thing he does that’s getting increasingly annoying and frustrating with every show, and that is the way he delivers “she wanted me to have someone when she left”. He does this stupid, unnecessary, really fake pretend sob as he says it, and his voice cracks, and maybe it’s just me having seen him do it *cough* number of times, but it’s irritating, and I wish he’d stop.

The emotion he generates in that speech about Astoria and Scorpius is so beautiful, he does an amazing job, and I feel like the fake sob throws away all his hard work. It doesn’t need to be there to make him sound emotional. I’ve seen some absolutely stunning versions of that speech, and I wish he would have the confidence or whatever it is he needs to just see that through, rather than trying to ‘sound emotional’ and ruining the real, natural atmosphere he’s created.

A gorgeous thing he does in this scene, once he’s come back from the awful fake emotion, is to cradle the Time-Turner after Harry says “and nor will a Time-Turner, I’m afraid”. That thing contains all his hope of saving Astoria and Scorpius. It contains everyone he loves in the world. It’s all he has left at this point in the play. If the show ended after that scene, Draco would be left only with a gold Time-Turner, and the knowledge that he could search for centuries and never manage to get his beloved family back, and that is heartbreaking and wonderful. He cradles it like a baby, like he’s holding a much younger Scorpius safe in his arms, with so much gentleness. It’s Draco’s saddest moment of the play.

The best thing about a Mackley and Samuel show is Godric’s Hollow, when they just go wild. This wasn’t the wildest one I’ve seen from these two (I still fondly remember the 17th of September when it was both of their last shows before a break, and they went totally nuts and Mackley made Samuel corpse), but it was lovely, the culminating moment being when they both leapt into the air an inch apart and I truly thought for a second that we were going to get a dorky Scorbus chest bump, which might actually have killed me. They did not actually do a chest bump, but we were so close. I hope they do it one day. It would be wonderful.

I put in my bullet point plan of this recap that I should mention the snow in Mackley’s hair so... here we are. Mackley has the perfect hair for collecting snow. It just sits there, all nestled in the fluff. It’s great.

I have about ten thousand favourite things about Samuel’s performance, but one of my most beloved elements is what he does when the seven are looking for the perfect place to wait for Delphi. Obviously in the script, Hermione is the one who spots St Jerome’s as a great hiding place, but over the summer, Samuel started having Scorpius sort of point it out a few seconds before she spotted it. He would sort of look between here and the clock, and surreptitiously point. She didn’t notice for a long time, until one glorious show when she turned round and caught him. Ever since then, spotting St Jerome’s has become a collaborative effort between Scorpius and Hermione, and it’s such a sweet moment between them. I love that Samuel throws in fun little things like that.

At the line “It was Rodolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix’s loyal husband’ Annabel changes Rodolphus for Bellatrix, resulting in a momentary pause as she considered how to escape from this fuck up, and in which I freaked out, as I do when these things happen. She almost recovered perfectly. The line got a teeny bit warped but what can you do? The most astounding thing about it was that Annabel messed up a line, because I feel like she never does that! Everything is always so natural and in the moment, and flows so well, that it seems as though she is Delphi. She delivers the lines differently every show, just going with how the mood takes her, and it’s that naturalness that’s always so impressive with her.

The hug in this one between the Malfoys when Lily and James are being killed was utterly heartbreaking. When Voldemort was confronting Lily, Draco was already kissing Scorpius’s hair and trying to comfort him, and the second she was hit with the Killing Curse, Scorpius grabbed his dad as tight as he could and hid himself in his arms, with Draco cradling him and protecting him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them hug so fiercely.

And then, to make everything worse, when the seven were spinning away on the turntable at the end of the scene, I could see Scorpius shifting his hands on his dad’s back, like he was trying to hold onto more and more of him, as much as he possibly could. There was so much desperate need, and love and support there. It was beautiful.

I love a good penultimate scene, especially when there’s adorable teasing and stuff going on.

Recently, when the staircase gets wheeled on at the start of the scene, Samuel has started bouncing around and getting all hyper and excitable before anything has even happened – it reminds me a lot of when he’s tapping his fingers together with excitement for the start of the dorm scene. His Scorpius is full of constant energy and hyperactivity – he must have been an exhausting child; I almost feel sorry for Draco and Astoria.

Mackley does a great teasing Albus. I remember him flapping his robes at Scorpius, laughing about Rose, all sorts. I think all the Albuses have picked up on the way Helen flails her robes when she says “Scorpion King”, and are determined to mock it. Also, I love Mackley’s “and she said no”, which is sort of sung all dramatic and opera style, and ends with him cackling. Like I say, teasing Albus is great.

I can’t talk about this scene without talking about Samuel’s delivery of the new version of us line, which is so utterly unacceptable, and only gets worse every time I see the show. He says it so slowly. It’s so painfully and beautifully uncertain and heartfelt. It’s like Scorpius is navigating his feelings along with the words. He goes so softly and carefully through it, picking his way from word to word, and it’s that uncertainty that makes it real, and gives it weight.

You can tell how important it is to Scorpius to say what he’s saying and say it well. And like he’s said at stage door, this is a moment where the boys know something has changed between them; that it’s something incredibly important, but not yet quite what it is or what it means. That is what Scorpius is trying to put into words here, and Samuel does it with such beautiful, tentative, meaningful perfection. I could write songs about the hope that the end of this scene brings. It’s exceptional.

I’m not going to end the recap on a low note by talking about Mackley’s pigeon racing line – just know that it was so cringey this show (the worst I’ve seen) that I almost crawled under my seat and hid. Other things from the final scene, though, include the ending of the fabulous arc Mackley sets up around Craig’s death and how it impacts on Albus, and ultimately on the repair of his relationship with Harry.

I also really want to touch on one of my favourite bits of meta from the show, which I’ve really grown to love recently. It requires a tiny bit of backtracking to the scene with Hagrid in the house after Lily and James’s deaths. At this point, the back wall of the theatre retracts, so there’s a gap between the brick wall and the arch detailing. It creates the effect that Hagrid really is standing in the ruins of a house, with just a barebones structure around him.

But at the end of this scene, the back wall stays retracted, and as the fire fades, the impression is not so much of a ruin, but of a structure, a scaffolding, something solid and new and bare that can be built around. And building is what’s happening in these last two scenes, when Scorpius and Albus try to figure out where their friendship is now, and as Harry and Albus tentatively explore how to be a good father and son for each other.

I absolutely love this tiny bit of a set design. I think it’s brilliant. Everything has been torn away, stripped back and laid bare. They’ve all revealed so much of themselves in the last Act, and now they’re starting from a new foundation. They’re going to start building something new together, using the tentative scaffolding of the experiences they’ve shared and the things they’ve learned, and it’s not going to be easy, but they’ll make it work. I think that back wall symbolises hope, and growth, and the future.

So there we go. A recap! It’s not full of every tiny detail (because I would have to write a novel and I don’t need to start a second one of those), but this show was good enough to be worth something, because it was so full of insight, and just such an interesting experience.

I’m a repeat viewer of this show because I always want to learn about the characters and the story and the technicality of this play, so any performance that teaches me as much as this one did is a real standout in my books.

#Harry Potter and the Cursed Child #Cursed Child #Samuel Blenkin #James Howard #Tom Mackley #Rakie Ayola #cursed child recap #Keep The Secrets #Notes from the show #This was short #I cut things #I promise #Anyway yay #the recaps are back!#I was inspired and I missed them #and actually now I'm seeing it less and not writing so much fic it's a lot easier #you have to take a step back to write these things and that's been hard recently #but here we are!

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tehlaen · 6 years

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Day 29: Friends & Contacts

Day 29 of the 30 Day Star Wars OC Challenge from @smuggler-captain that I’m doing with @lessdenied! Previous posts are tagged with #30dayswchallenge.

Today’s topic: Friends & Contacts! In Teh’s own words....

Cassbria Temar [A friend’s OC] “What can I say about Cass? I’m in love with her, madly in love with her, in a way that I didn’t really think myself capable of. Yeah, I’ve been in love before, and sometimes pretty crazy-in-love. Cass, though… Cassy’s the first person I’ve been with who’s made me want to think beyond the immediate future. It’s terrifying, but in that nervous-anticipation way that, as much as it scares the piss outta me, also excites me and makes me happy? It’s weird, but in a good way.”

Essix [My OC] “My little rustbucket. Me ‘n Essix have been together too long for him to be anything but family. I adore him and worry about him and I’m not sure what I’d do if anything ever happened to him. Probably something pretty egregiously violent.”

Naga’se Keianna [A friend’s OC] “Naga’se and I… we’ve gotten close. I think our relationship’s both cause and symptom of this shift in how I relate to other people. She’s more than just a friend to me; she’s a sister. The first time she called me that, I bawled like a little girl. And I guess that’s what it is—my feelings for people and attachments that I haven’t felt since Rai’laen died. I was 17 at the time, still pretty much a kid. I’ve had friends who’ve been close to me, but something about the way me ‘n Naga relate to each other… It just filled this hole in me I didn’t know was there. No, wait, that’s crap. I’ve always known it was there. I just never thought anyone else could fit in that void in my life.”

Lystra Hale [A friend’s OC] “Lystra, Lystra, Lystra. Lys… Lyssy? Oh I should call her that, she’d hate it! She’s adorable when she’s indignant and tryin’ to maintain that ‘elegance and dignity of the Jedi Order’ nonsense. I love ‘er; she’s become family. Admittedly, I enjoy her company a lot more when she drops the sanctimonious Jedi thing.”

Kazrein [@neveth ’s OC] “Kaz! Oh Goddess… We’ve had some fun times. Did you know that there are at least four systems where it’s a felony for us to be on the same planet at the same time? That’s the kinda trouble we get up to. We’ve inspired legislation. I’m tellin’ ya, there’s no greater honor to a thief than bein’ name-checked in parliamentary debate. Heh. Good times, Kaz, good times. Ya know, I think she’s one of only a handful of outlaws in the Galaxy I’d say are as good or better ‘n me? Hylo Visz, Gault Rennow and Kazrein. Goddess, don’t tell her I said that, she’ll be insufferably cocky. And that’s me saying that.”

Casarai [@starstruckstory ’s OC] “My favorite red-skinned Amazon! Once you get past the literal and metaphorical Armor of Jedi Self-Righteousness, she’s a lot of fun. She’s probably still a wee bit more Unwaveringly Moral than I’d really like, but still—she’s a great friend to have.”

Neesh’a & Ynarie [Friends’ OCs] “These two… heh heh heh. We have some good times. Definitely my kinda people for a night out. Outgoing, fun, willing and able to dance ‘til dawn, and while I haven’t put it to the test yet, they seem like they’d be down for a friendly barfight. Hello, weekend plans!”

Ket’ara [My OC] “Ket’s a good kid. I wish I could just leave it at that, but I can’t, not really. She’s got a lot of anger and resentment built up, and honestly, who can blame her? We met when I raided a transport in Hutt Space that she was traveling on—and when I say ‘traveling,’ I don’t mean as a passenger. Didn’t really have any place to go after that, so I offered her a job at the Krayt’s Den. She’s studying, and the kid’s sharp as a vibroblade, but damn if she isn’t one of the angriest people I’ve ever met in my life. Not, like, randomly explosive. She’s never blown up at anybody, but if she ever decides to let herself go, Goddess have mercy on whoever she’s got in her sights, ‘cause they better not expect any from her.”

Hirani Tarkona [My OC] “Ugh. UGH. My twin sister. And if you can’t hear it in my voice, those are some really viciously sarcastic airquotes. The two of us couldn’t be more different, thank fuck. Self-righteous, sanctimonious, painfully moralistic, and she does this think where I know she’s judging ‘n my actions ‘n my beliefs but she just comes off so fucking understanding. She’s like some sorta saint, but the kind of saint that you really just want to hit over the head with a chair.”

Minev [My OC] “How does my saint of a biological-sibling—the Jedi’s Jedi, the Paragon of Virtue and Truth and Right and if I say anymore I’m gonna throw up in my mouth—end up holding the leash of an amoral Imperial’s-Imperial sharpshooter? I know war and the Eternal Alliance makes for some strange bedfellows, but those two? Minev’s just so nice and polite and formal and proper, right up until she’s not. She’s the kinda person who I’m pretty sure irons her underwear, actively enjoys filling out forms in triplicate, and, at a formal shindig, would never dream of using the wrong fork for jabbing into your kidneys. Scary, scary woman.”

Gnoxis [My OC] “Oh, goodie. My biological mother the Sith Lord. She wants to be a mother to me ‘n Hirani, and I can’t speak for the Pillar of Righteousness, but I’m good, thanks. Had a mother already; if you count Selka, and I do, I’ve had two. Full up, thanks anyway! To her credit, and I am admitting this only grudgingly, she’s not as cartoonishly evil as most of the Sith I’ve met. Not especially cruel, doesn’t keep slaves, but she’s way too comfy with casual murder for my tastes.

Zi’eta [My OC] “She’s my ex and we’re on pretty good terms. What more do you want me to say? I loved her, and her choice of profession drove a wedge between us. Some stuff was said, some stuff that I probably wouldn’t have said if I’d known then what I know now. She’s a good person, probably better ‘n me, but she’s also a spy, which means I know she’s done some stuff. Probably stuff I don’t wanna know about. All of which is irrelevant, because we’re not together, I have no interest in being with her, and… How did you get me on this topic, anyway? What was the question? … Oh. I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

Selka Kranik [My OC] “Selka taught me how to fly, alright? That alone gives her a special significance that all the rest of you can’t even come close to matching, so just don’t even try. … She was more than that, though. Selka, she was my best friend, my boss, my role model. And yeah, she was right in that last message she left me: We were practically mom and daughter and I didn’t bawl my eyes out when I said that and no one can prove otherwise. Ahem. Anyway. She practically raised me. Sure, I was almost an adult by the time we met, but I sure as fuck hadn’t grown up. There’s an argument to be made that I still haven’t, but if it weren’t for Selka being a hardass… I’m not sure I’d like who I’d be. ... Still can’t believe you’re gone, Bosslady. Yeah, I know, nobody lives forever, but if anybody had a shot at it, I figured it’d be you. Heaven wouldn’t want ya and Hell couldn’t hold ya.”

#teh'laen #30daySWchallenge #swtor rp #my ocs #star wars the old republic

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thiamislove-thiamislife · 7 years

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Overrated

9. “You’re in love with her.” & 17. “Love is overrated.”

Liam stood there in the school parking lot, the very spot he had said those hurtful words to Theo almost a month ago, barely holding onto his phone in his trembling hands. It was well past midnight and he was all by himself, standing there in the dim orange glow of the sodium lamp that was buzzing overhead. He just couldn’t take it anymore. . .

Ever since that fight with the hunters in the hospital, something had changed with Theo and the rest of the pack. Don’t think for a moment it was an easy process, but after nearly sacrificing himself for Liam, and then taking Gabe’s pain away, the others in the pack had slowly begun to trust him as one of their own. Mason had lost count of how many times Theo had pulled him out of the line of fire, or how there was that time when Corey got hit by a wolfsbane bullet and Theo actually sucked the poison out of him while they drove to the hospital. He even picked up dinner a few times for mama McCall when she was pulling a double at the hospital. Whenever the pack needed him, he always seemed to be there; especially if it involved Liam.

For Liam though, things only seemed to get more complicated. He liked being around Theo, he appreciated how he had almost died for him. It was more than that though, that fight in the hospital was the first time they had fought together as true equals. After that night, they would train together, fight together, and even hang out at pack meetings together. Liam liked just even being around him, knowing that when he felt his anger start to get the better of him just one look at Theo and he would be able to control it. It didn’t matter if he was standing right in front of him, or across the room; Liam could look into Theo’s eyes and just somehow feel the calm flow into him, like he could tell that Theo knew exactly how he was feeling. Only lately that seemed to be the problem; anger was one thing, but more and more it seemed like Liam couldn’t tell what he feeling inside of himself anymore. The slightest thing would set him off. When they were in the thick of a fight, Liam would sometimes see the faces of his opponents replaced with Theo’s, only to feel the rage increase with every broken nose he delivered. Then the next day at the pack meeting, all he would want to do was be right by the chimaera’s side.

Theo was the calm eye of the storm that Liam could focus on when things got rough. He was, for better or worse, Liam’s anchor. That’s what made their fight that night so hard for Liam. Even after that, Theo still showed up to the pack meetings occasionally, and whenever they needed him he showed up, but things between him and Liam weren’t the same. Neither would give each other the time of day, nor even make eye contact. It was that last part that was driving Liam crazy. A wolf without his anchor was trouble; a wolf with IED without his anchor was a ticking time bomb. Liam missed Theo, he missed hanging out with him, he missed him sitting by his bed and listening to him ramble on about obscure history facts (something Hayden never could do), and he missed the way that somehow if he stared into Theo’s eyes all of his anger would melt away. That’s what made what he was about to do so hard.

That night, one month ago, Theo was driving Liam back after pulling him out of fight the beta stood no chance of winning. Liam had gone off on his own, and when Theo found him, the young beta was surrounded by near 50 hunters. Liam didn’t even seem to care, just nothing but pure rage as he tore through anyone he could get his hands on. By the time Theo got there Liam (who had done quite a number on the hunters) was in pretty bad shape, and still desperately outnumbered. Theo pulled him into his truck and got him away to safety. That’s when the real fight happened. Once they made it back to the school parking lot, Theo pulled the truck over and just glared at Liam. “What the hell were you thinking going off alone like that?! You almost got yourself killed!” Theo yelled

“I can handle myself” Liam muttered

“What IS wrong with you?” Theo continued

“Nothing, what’s wrong with you” Liam snarked back

“No, we’re not playing this game. You’ve been out of it for the past few weeks, now what’s bothering you, the Anu-kite is long gone, so what is it?!” Theo demanded

Liam sat there, brow furrowed in silence with his arms crossed.

“Wait, is this still about you and Hayden?” Theo asked with a half laugh on the end “Are you still not over that?”

“I’m in love with her” Liam softly said

“Well, I got news for you baby wolf!” Theo said “Love is overrated”

Liam growled

“and if you don’t get your head back under control, you’re going to get yourself or someone else killed!” Theo finished

“What do you care?” Liam replied

“Well I’m not going to be one of that ones that dies because of you!” Theo shouted

“Sure you are, you’re always saving me, why is that?” Liam said

“Did you ever think, some of us might actually care about you?” Theo said, shouting

“Saving me won’t make up for your sister Theo!” Liam hissed cruelly

Theo’s eyes glowed the angriest yellow you could ever imagine

“GET” * “OUT” * “NOW!!” Theo yelled, punctuating each word with a growl

As if by some miracle, at that very moment Mason and Corey had finally arrived at the school parking lot, in time for Liam to slam the door to Theo’s truck and climb into the back of their car for the longest, most awkwardly quiet car ride to Liam’s house either of them could imagine.

Now here he was, a month later, in the very same spot. No matter how much he tried he couldn’t get what he said, no, what he did to Theo out of his head. He had to make this right, he had to tell him the truth. . . .if he even still wanted to listen. Liam continued to stare at his phone, at long last he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and hit “send”. Then Liam waited. 10 minutes, nothing. 20 minutes, still nothing.

Theo was in his truck staring up the roof. He couldn’t sleep, every time he closed his eyes the nightmares would come. It was almost a relief when he felt his phone go off, that was until he looked down and saw the message: Liam: Help! There are hunters here at the school, I think I’m surrounded.

Liam was still waiting, a tear dripped down his cheek. 30 minutes had passed, and still nothing. “What was I thinking?” he murmured to himself. All of a sudden, an impossibly loud engine noise followed by white smoke and screeching tires filled the night air, and Theo leaped out of his truck over to where Liam was standing. Looking the beta straight in the eyes, he put his hand on Liam’s should and asked, “Are you okay?!” Liam nodded, shaking. “Where are the hunters, I don’t hear any other heartbeats.” Theo asked, now somewhat suspicious.

“there were no hunters” Liam said trembling

“what?!” Theo asked confused, “what was the text for then?!”

“I. . .I. . .” Liam struggled to get the words out of his throat. “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep pretending like. .”

“Like?” Theo asked, and almost immediately was cut off

“Like you’re not my anchor!” Liam shouted

Theo didn’t say anything

“Theo I need. . .I mean. . .I . . we’re. .” Liam trailed off not sure how to make the words appear.

“I didn’t mean what I said, I wish I could take it all back but. . .” the young beta said choking up. “I can’t do this without you” Liam barely whispered. “You wha-” Theo managed to get out before the beta had grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a quick kiss, before just as quickly pulling away.

Theo looked down into the eyes of the young beta, seeing all the vulnerability and pain he was feeling. Liam had tears streaming down his face. Theo quickly put his arms around Liam and pulled him in for another kiss, this one lasting longer. Liam looked up, caught off guard.

“I care about you Liam, you brought me back from hell, you gave me a reason to not just survive, but to live, and. . .to love” Theo admitted, assuaging the fear that had been building in the young beta.

“You . . . you feel the same way?” Liam replied surprised, yet also instantly happier

“Of course I do!” Theo said reassuringly, “I just, I thought you were in love with her?”

“Love is overrated” Liam replied back teasingly

Theo grinned a smug smirk and ran his hand through Liam’s hair.

“C’mon baby wolf, let’s get out of here”

#thiam #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf #fanfic

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bishreview · 6 years

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Top 50 Singles of 2017

My final article of 2017! There have been a lot of good music this year. Trying to cut down to 50 songs was a hard task, having over 70 songs by different artists before cutting them down. This means I’ve missed a lot of songs that I really wanted to add. I have finally got it down to 50 though and I have made a Spotify playlist which I will link to this if you want to check out the tracks that made it. I’ll only list from 50-21 (like I did last year) but will talk about the top 20 tracks. For statistics, I have one Canadian, four from the UK, eight from the states and a whopping 37 from Australia.

50. Never Let Me Go - Green Buzzard (AUS)

49. 911/Call Me - Tyler the Creator ft. Frank Ocean and Steve Lacy (US)

48. call the police - LCD Soundsystem (US)

47. Birthdays - The Smith Street Band (AUS)

46. Yanada - The Preatures (AUS)

45. Love Can Be. . . - Vince Staples ft. Ray J, Kilo Kish and Damon Albarn (US)

44. Pure Luck - Ninajirachi ft. Freya Staer (AUS)

43. Crushing Hard - Urthboy (AUS)

42. Murder to the Mind - Tash Sultana (AUS)

41. Dawning - DMAs (AUS)

40. Diamonds - A$AP Twelvyy ft. A$AP Rocky (US)

39. Second Hand Car - Kim Churchill (AUS)

38. Golden - Kingswood (AUS)

37. The Remedy - Polaris (AUS)

36. P Plates - Ruby Fields (AUS)

35. These Kicks - Citizen Kay ft. Georgia B. (AUS)

34. Shred for Summer - DZ Deathrays (AUS)

33. Feel It Still - Portugal. The Man (US)

32. Science Fiction - The Belligerents (AUS)

31. Cigarette - Ali Barter (AUS)

30. Got On My Skateboard - Skeggs (AUS)

29. I Haven’t Been Taking Care of Myself - Alex Lahey (AUS)

28. Andromeda - Gorillaz ft. DRAM (UK)

27. Man You Want Me To Be - WHARVES (AUS)

26. Afterthought - Dear Seattle (AUS)

25. True Lovers - Holy Holy (AUS)

24. Homely Feeling - Hockey Dad (AUS)

23. Low Blows - Meg Mac (AUS)

22. One More Love Song - Mac DeMarco (CAN)

21. The Evil Has Landed - Queens of the Stone Age (US)

20. Not Worth Hiding - Alex the Astronaut (AUS)

Alex the Astronaut has had a huge year. She released her debut album and has seen a growing fanbase to make her one of Australia’s most popular solo female artists. Her lead single Not Worth Hiding is a gorgeous song, reflecting her humble, gentle, kind attitude whilst having a relevant political point about accepting LGBTI communities

19. Night of the Long Knives - Everything Everything (UK)

Night of the Long Knives is a huge song. From the first time the chorus drops, it brings you into a darker, experimental world, shaping what is to come on most of their album A Fever Dream. Jonathan Higgen’s voice is again flexed, his falsetto being a brilliant feature in the verses.

18. Deadcrush - Alt-J (UK)

There are many highlights on Relaxer and I had a hard time picking between this, In Cold Blood¸ and Adeline. Deadcrush has become my favourite off the album though, the weird vocal in the chorus and thumping bass heavy beat making it both an intriguing listen and a danceable track.

17. Destiny’s - Arno Faraji (AUS)

Triple J’s Unearthed High winner, Arno Faraji, is the future of Australian Hip Hop. His beats are mellow, and his rapping style laid back, having a heavy influence on US rappers like Chance the Rapper and GoldLink. Definitely an artist to watch for the future, with Destiny’s being his best song so far

16. Dumb Days - Tired Lion (AUS)

Tired Lion’s debut album this year was a good listen. The title track though blows the rest of the album away. With a strong theme of growing up and missing the feeling of being younger, Sophie Hopes belts out the Smashing Pumpkins like track, with the outro chorus hitting right into the feels.

15. Friends - Kwame (AUS)

One of my best discoveries of the year was Sydney rapper Kwame. His EP Lesson Learned was a great listen from start to finish. Friends is a highlight from the EP, with a beautiful piano motif throughout, reminiscent of artists like Kanye. Another Australian rapper who will hopefully shape the future of the genre.

14. Fuck Off - Pist Idiots (AUS)

Another Triple J Unearthed find, Pist Idiots are a great punk band. On Fuck Off they don’t hold back, detailing a broken relationship where the partner doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. The brutality of the lyrics combined with the distorted, messy instrumentation is brilliant, conveying a feel of desperation in the music.

13. Be About You - Winston Surfshirt (AUS)

From one of the year’s angriest tracks to one of the year’s sexiest tracks, Be About You is a smooth song. With Winston’s intimate delivery in both the rap verses and the falsetto chorus, it builds like an Anderson Paak or Justin Timberlake song. Definitely the most intimate song of the year.

12. Chateau - Angus and Julia Stone (AUS)

Brother and sister duo Angus and Julia Stone returned from a long hiatus this year with their album Snow. The highlight from this album was Chateau, their biggest song since 2010’s Big Jet Plane. With gorgeous production, beautiful harmonies and a relaxed vibe, their switch to a more pop direction was a good choice, producing one of their best songs yet.

11. Run for Cover - The Killers (US)

Just missing out on my top 10 was the comeback from Las Vegas rockers, The Killers. Although lead single The Man was good, I felt Run for Cover highlighted their sound better, being a strong rock song reminiscent of past hits such as When You Were Young and Read My Mind. The quartet came back into mainstream attention this year in a big way, and Run for Cover was the track that proved it.

10. Feel the Way I Do - The Jungle Giants (AUS)

If someone told me that Jungle Giants would be releasing fresh tunas like this I’d be shocked and appalled. But here we are. From the opening keyboard motif to the singalong choruses, this has everything a perfect indie pop song needs.

9. Humble - Kendrick Lamar (US)

Humble is the biggest track of the year. It will probably win the Hottest 100 (deservedly) and will continue to dominate most dancefloors around the world. It’s mix of a catchy hook, a strong beat and Kung Fu Kenny’s signature rapping style is brilliant and it’s obvious why this song has become such a megahit.

8. Nuclear Fusion - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (AUS)

Out the 50-something songs that King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard have released this year, the early release Nuclear Fusion still stands tall as the best. Their exploration of microtonal tunings and riffs are at their best in this song, as they utilise microtones to create a catchy yet dissonant melodies, catching the listener off guard. The “nuclear fusion” voice is a winner as well.

7. You’re in Love with a Psycho - Kasabian (UK)

Writing a perfect pop rock song is pretty hard. It’s a risky move, balancing catchy hooks with enough experimentation to remain interesting. You’re in Love With a Psycho is one of those songs which master it though. A song which is impossible to remove from your brain once you listen to it, it’s a completely fun, silly song which you can’t stop playing on repeat. With lines like “you’re like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick”, Kasabian might have written the most fun pop song of the year.

6. The Comedown - Ocean Alley (AUS)

Like The Jungle Giants, I wasn’t too big on Ocean Alley a couple of years back. They’ve completely converted me though with The Comedown. With crisp piano, a smooth baseline, some beautiful guitar effects and the amazing voice of Baden Donegal, Ocean Alley have filled up the hole that Sticky Fingers left behind.

5. Marryuna - Baker Boy ft. Yirrmal (AUS)

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a tradition Indigenous language rapped before, but Baker Boy’s unique style of mixing his Indigenous tongue with English is genius. He switches between languages with ease, whilst creating catchy hooks which will get you singing along, even if you don’t really know what the words mean (highly recommend looking them up though). Baker Boy is a huge talent for the next generation and hopefully we hear more Indigenous hip hop following his success.

4. Boys will be Boys - Stella Donnelly (AUS)

This song is a tough listen, and even harder to write about. Stella Donnelly’s song detailing the experience of her friend’s experience after being raped, including the victim blaming by friends and family of the rapist, is hard to hear, especially when it’s described in such an honest and detailed manner. It’s a song that needs to be written though, with it’s message as relevant as ever with protests like the ‘#metoo’ campaign bringing light to rape culture and victim blaming/shaming. It’s a beautiful song as well, with Donnelly’s voice perfectly blending with the gorgeous guitar accompaniment.

3. Exactly How You Are - Ball Park Music (AUS)

Ball Park Music were relatively quiet for most of 2017, but they released two great indie tunes in the second half, the best being Exactly How You Are. A gorgeous love song which is as beautiful as it is simple sounds like an early Beatles or Beach Boys song, as Jen and Sam’s voices harmonise perfectly together in the chorus. Be prepared for an album by the band in 2018, with second single The Perfect Life Does Not Exist also being a great song

2. Watch Me Ready You - Odette (Aus)

Some songs take a couple of listens to really sink in, but some hit you immediately. Watch Me Read You fits in that second category. I remember my first experience with this song, straight away being entranced by the lyrical work on display. Odette’s delivery is both beautiful and sinister, with a beat-poetry-like vocal performance in the verses bringing light to the stories within the lyrics. She also shows she can belt out a chorus, with the hook highlighting her impressive vocal range. This is one of those songs which stays with you but continues to surprise when you listen. Hopefully we hear more of this later on in Odette’s career.

1. What Can I Do if the Fire Goes Out - Gang of Youths (AUS)

My number one mid-year still hasn’t changed. Although released early in the year, Gang of Youth’s lead single off their acclaimed album Go Farther in Lightness still hits me hard with every listen. From the ferocious drumming, the beautiful guitar riffs and the powerful voice of David Le’aupepe, WCIDFTFGO is a massive song. With lyrics which question one’s beliefs and faith when things go wrong, it’s a deeply personal but relatable song. It’s quite ironic that this year’s number one is about the loss of faith, whilst last year’s number one (Kanye West’s Ultralight Beam) was celebrating faith. This is a powerful track though, with its highlight being the gorgeous yet intense guitar breakdown just before the final chorus. 2017 was Gang of Youth’s year, with many tracks off their album going close to taking out my number one. This single though still reigns as the strongest track though and will definitely be a Hottest 100 top 20 (and maybe 10) contender, along with other hits like Let Me Down Easy and The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows.

Well that’s 2017 done. I will definitely be doing a review of Gizzard’s last album of 2017 this week sometime (I promise) and will try to have a look at N.E.R.D’s latest album as well as hopefully seeing films like All the Money in the World and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and reviewing both of those, as they are highly anticipated films for myself. Have a good New Year and thanks for the support. It’s been hard to keep consistent with this blog this year but next year should be a lot easier and I will try to review both films and music on a weekly basis (might be harder some weeks but we will see). Thanks.

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hiphopandtheirishquestion · 4 years

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Year Zero

The first rap album I really got into was Public Enemy’s Yo! Bum Rush the Show. Till then, it had mostly been one off singles and compilations. Public Enemy also conformed more to the traditional format of a band. Nothing as clichéd as guitars and a drummer of course, but they far were more than a DJ and a rapper. Chuck D, Flavor Flav, Professor Griff, the S1Ws and Terminator X... PE! And in June 1988 they were coming to Dublin.

PE dressed all in black, bar Flav who liked red tracksuits. The S1W’s (Security of the 1st World) were their military wing, and it was said they carried Uzi Sub-machine guns on stage. Chuck D was the front-man and was angry. He wanted revolution yesterday. He was asked if he was playing a game. No, he said, ”We’re not playing any game. Everything else is a game. This is the un-game".

I liked that. The Ungame

They were playing in McGonigles off Grafton Street, so the Def Road Massive (all two of us) made our way to the big smoke. But we made sure to get into character first. TV programmes like Rapido suggested whistles were an essential accessory for any self-respecting b-boy. And being PE, we thought plastic Uzis would be a nice touch, something that didn’t help our 17-year old chances getting served in a pub.

Going to Dublin to see your first out-of-town concert is a rite of passage for us culchies. The fact that mine was a rap band from New York, one that most of my schoolmates would not even have heard of, gave it added weight, at least in my book. I had seen Dublin punks Paranoid Visions and The Human League in Waterford - both great experiences in their own way. But this was different.

Public Enemy, hip hop, was mine. I could leave the other meatheads back in Tramore CBS to headbang to Quo or Van Halen or whoever they fucking liked. To the extent that any of them even knew who PE were it would have been to dismiss it as not being music. Good. Keep it that way. I’ll have my “music” you have yours, you dopey shower of cloth eared, black-shoes-and-white-socks wearing, In the naaaaaaammme of luuuuvvvvvvv singing along with, shit-for-brained bastards.

There - that told 'em.

The day began with a hip hop hors d'ouevre. PE were performing on the grounds of Trinity College that afternoon. I turned up at college green radiating as many rebellious vibes as I could, because I, of course, was a kindred spirit, coming from the crime and poverty riddled slums of Tramore.

The Golden Horde came on first. They played fast, thrashy punk music, and were great. PE - less so. They began by asking everyone to do the peace sign. We half-heartedly followed suit. The whole ‘throw your hands up in the air’, crowd participatory thing is one of the more questionable aspects of the live rap experience. Particularly in the middle of the afternoon, to a crowd of mostly curious onlookers as opposed to actual fans. The punks who had been enthusiastically stage diving ten minutes previously began drifting away, muttering ‘what the fuck is this shit? or words to that effect. And they had a point.

When PE eventually got round to playing some music, they played one song, a tuneless Bring the Noise. It didn’t bode well for main event. Bring The Noise is a banger. If that sounds shit, what hope for the rest of the gig? Perhaps the setting was wrong but I hoped it wasn’t a sign of things to come. I didn’t want to spend the whole night being bequeathed to 'say yeah, throw up the peace sign, say yeah, say hell yeah', do anything really except jump around, pump my fist a bit and, in the words of Mantronix, get stupid.

In was all worth it though. Brief set over, PE left the stage and happily mingled with the handful of fans there, belying their reputation as serious, humourless militants. I came away with the inside of my jacket signed Tx (Terminator X), Flavor Flav, PE #1 (Chuck D) and S1Ws (Professor Griff). Was this the musical wing of Louis Farrakhan, the black racists who believed white people to be devils, the angriest group in the world? Lovely chaps to a man - but I looked forward to furious anger later that night.

And so to McGonigles. The music pre-gig was a revelation. I knew a track called The Terminator from a mixtape I had secured somewhere. It sampled Arnie and The Darleks ‘ex-ter-min-ate’ mantra. Here, it made sense. The Terminator would not rest till he had taken out all ‘wack MC’s’. Chuck D had once said that rap was meant to be played loudly, not on your headphones. I now knew what he meant.

In truth, I had no idea what went on at a rap gig. Another song I loved was The Manipulator by Mixmaster Gee and the Turntable Orchestra. ‘Turntable Orchestra cut it up!’ went the refrain, before a wordless chorus of scratching. PE consisted of a quite a lot of people. Only Chuck, Flav and Terminator X had clearly defined roles. Was everyone else on stage scratching up records like a turntable orchestra? I held out some hope that this would be the case (it wasn’t).

Between the pre-gig tunes and a roomful of hip hop starved fans, McGonigles was hopping by the time the band came onstage. And despite being a bit short, involving quite a lot of between-song preaching and a dodgy sound system, it was utterly brilliant. Life-changing, even.

Nothing could diminish the impact of seeing a rap band, and my undisputed favourites at that, up front and personal for the first time. The S1Ws stood on either side looking menacing. Flav did a dance with a bunch of clocks around his neck. Terminator X stood behind the decks, huge PE logo at the front, looking cool as only a hip hop DJ can.

The quality of the sound, the fact that it took me about two minutes to even recognise Rebel Without A Pause, was irrelevant. It was a hip hop love in, and PE could do no wrong. Perhaps the Irish crowd associated with the underdog, or with the sense of standing up to a perceived oppressor. At one point, someone handed a tricolour on stage. This kind of mawkish, come-on-foreign-rock-star-say-how-much-you-love-Oireland nonsense usually makes me want to puke. But here, it was powerful.

Chuck took the flag and told us how lucky we were to have it. We’d kicked the Brits out and were independent (the words may have been different but that was the sentiment). They, on the other hand, as black Americans had nothing. No flag, no homeland, nothing. As a speech for oppressed minorities it was up there with Pearse’s graveside oration.

If there’s a defining moment in 80s Irish hip hop culture then this gig was surely it. Schoolly D and London Posse had played in Dublin, but it was PE at McGonigles that marked year zero for the new generation of B-boys and girls. Eamon Carr saw historical parallels.

‘The Clash in the exam hall in Trinity and Public Enemy in McGonigles, it’s a bit like 1916 in the GPO. We were there! There are so many others who wish they were or think they were there’.

Eric Moore, or DJ Laz-e, old skool hip hop head and DJ at RTE Gold, was another of the lucky ones. “I remember you couldn’t breathe. It was so packed. I was only just sixteen and it was the first concert I’d ever gone to. I’d lied and said I was staying at a friend’s house. And it wasn’t like I was drinking or smoking or anything. Hip hop was my only vice.”

Unsurprisingly, considering his pedigree as a Breakdancer and soon to be champion DJ, he was never going to rock up with a mere whistle and plastic machine gun in the line of accessories.

"I had a pink feather going through a rope gold chain – I thought this is really Zulu Nation. And all my friends were in character too. We wanted to be different. We were like punk rockers. We were obsessed with this shit".

Eric’s Clondalkin crew went on to do great things in the Irish hip hop world, the likes of Sherlock, Tron, Mek and Cutmaster Jay, all of whom were in McGonigles that night, cleaning up at national DMC DJing championships over the ensuing years. The Def Road Massive, alas, remained steadfastly underground. Deep, deep underground.

As did hip hop generally, at least in Waterford in 1988. But that didn't mean we weren't right - a conviction my grandfather and the other 1916 rebels also held 82 years previously. And there would be no need for MC James Connolly to call on his followers to 'raise the roof' – the guns of the British army would see to that.

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