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lemonflowercat · 3 months

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vision board 2024

manifesting is such a passive word - it brings to mind just sitting back and hoping things work themselves out magically. resolutions/commitments make me run the other away because of how boxed in and rigid they make me feel.

...I think we'll go with

aligning

because this feels more like an integration of my values with my goals, and taking conscious action to work on these. also "aligning" just has this soft pretty sound-feel to it. hehe. also in my head it doesn't feel abrupt, "aligning" seems to make space for the process of getting there - there being that space of satisfaction-with-self+sense of achievement (real or Atlantis, do you know?)

shadow

I've wanted to be a psychiatrist since i was a 13 y/o -> i've been studying for this exam unemployed since Mar 2022 -> the initial enthusiasm has died down, I've written 3 exams which didn't turn out to be as good as I wanted -> cut off from the hospital-world, in my little farmland cocoon, with no one else around me in the same - or at least similar - boat, after 2 years of being at this with snail pace improvement, it's hard to remember the big picture and why I'm doing this and to stick to it -> i'm feeling very behind my peers -> the behind my peers doesn't bother me as much because I chose this life for myself -> what bothers me is that I am too unmotivated to re-study everything - repetitive tasks don't come easy to me -> repetition is key to building memory and understanding so many concepts better -> I have mad perfectionist traits - it's a self sabotaging all-or-nothing mindset i'm struggling to break out of -> I get overwhelmed by the amount I have to do, often describing this exam-prep-process and trying to empty the ocean with a bucket -> I give into instant gratification just to numb this overwhelm, I come up with a 100 other things to do - again, just to escape the overwhelm -> i'm unable to enjoy anything i do ever because i always feel like i haven't studied enough+i'm aware that i'm running away from it -> studying has now become an anxiety, low self esteem trigger

in alignment

• remembering why

psychiatry, unpredictable hospital days, listening to people and being able to connect, coming from a place where i have solid knowledge to offer help, to help, to understand and to be a part of everyone's crazy human experience, to meet people from diverse backgrounds and places in life, hospital corridors and ICUs and co-workers doing their best to diagnose and treat, nurses tending to patients, curious questioning minds and hospital banter, going home at the end of the day feeling like i've learned so much, but still have a 100 new questions, and knowing that at least a few people are better off now than they were when the day started

• tapping into strengths

- i love studying - ironic that this is my #1 strength, given that i'm having so much trouble actually doing it - but it's the truth. i love it - love learning new science-y things, the more complex the concept the better, i love breaking things down, making notes and diagrams and sprawling mind maps. i am cute stationery all over my table and colourful sticky notes, highlighters, impeccable organized notes and all the mess that comes with it. when i actually get down to it, i can lose myself in it for hours and feel so fulfilled.

[as skeptical as i am about MBTI (sitting on the fence per usual), this is the best way i know to describe this. kudos]

Ne is good for developing a very broad knowledge base; being creative in connecting existing ideas/details into new possibilities; enjoying the process of discovering or exploring new possibilities

Te is good for strategizing -> breaking down a goal or the learning process into linear steps; good at organising information; can pinpoint what's the most important thing to learn; good at picking out strengths and weaknesses

• the challenge - working on weaknesses

Ne overpowering Si overlooking/dismissing important details that are critical for success; trouble sticking with a subject long enough to reach high level expertise; too easily distracted by new ideas to develop any of them to their full potential; difficulty prioritizing what to learn and when; undervaluing the necessity of maintaining regular habits; difficulty learning in environments that require extended focus and strict adherence to procedures (in which there is not enough time/space to explore ideas)

harness Si

strategize for methodical learning -> beats overwhelm, allows me to make the best use of time;

structure the concept at hand (table of contents or the headers are great indicators of the order in which the information should ideally be learned. my good Te also means i can come up with a good step-by-step process for myself); skipping around too much esp. b/w related subjects ADDS TO THE OVERWHELM and also, makes it harder to build ideas linearly/sequentially (vs my chaotic branching street map way) -> more likely to miss important details or shift attention elsewhere before developing a solid understanding of the concept at hand; the structure of the concept is also an easier way to keep track of what i've missed out on;

go from broad based knowledge to nitty-gritty detailed knowledge -> express and clarify my ideas in detail + apply the ideas in practical settings (tests, MCqs, discussions);

create linear benchmarks or checkpoints to reach in succession;

• temperance

having a strict no study beyond this time hour on the clock and sticking to it, even on the days when i feel like i have more in me

chill time isn't just to do chores, but also time to invest in things i actually i enjoy doing - which isn't only hanging out with friends, but also things i like doing by myself. all the pictures on the yellow part about making art, reading, deep listening to music, self expression - these are things i find very fulfilling. also, NOO GUILT while indulging in all of this, because if my mind is exhausted - irrespective of whether that's ideal or not - it's ok and normal to tend to it - and it is NOT A SELF-HATE POINT.

shadow

anxiety//hating my body//self-soothing with binge-eating and doomscrolling

in alignment

menty b has been the vibe of '23 - to say NO MORE would be wishful thinking, so i would like to at least say, i don't hate you, brain, for all the menty bs. i love you, i hear you, your tragic-victim-dramas are valid, i'll embrace them, sink into them and feel them instead of running away - but also, i'll hold your hand and hug you and we'll work our way out of this. i hope to work out that precarious balance between accepting my feelings and also parenting myself through it - and i mean, not omg you frustrate me you piece of shit burden parenting, but clear headed warm empathetic but i'll call you out kind of parenting.

healthy body image//healthy relationship with food

two terms thrown around the internet right up there with "self-love" and i cannot tell you enough how sick of it i am. but WELL, here i am, another one of those women caught in the eternal struggle with these two.

and - for the amount of SEO-ed articles i'll hit with these words, there's a serious dearth of actual practical hands-on information about how to get to the bottom (fulcrum?) of this see-saw. so ig the vision here is figuring out my own way through this all the while staying true to my values, and what is really good for me vs. the boxes and norms i'm being pushed into by society.

anxiety galore

understanding the roots and triggers of my anxiety, learning to sit through its discomfort and also, teaching myself new coping mechanisms to make it out of this discomfort without resorting to instantly gratifying self-soothing that really does more damage than harm in the big picture.

shadow

obsessing about the numbers on my scale, feeling like workouts have to be decided based on how much I've eaten the previous day, overall just spending more time feeling like I workout to look good vs work out to feel good

in alignment

on the good days running, walking, lifting, stretching all of it are really about savouring how good my body feels doing it. movement really makes me happy - also, I FORGOT TO ADD DANCING - just can't get enough of dancing aaa. but yeah, since forever, nothing cheers me up like movement. i love these little moments i have while working out where i really appreciate all that bodies are capable of. think actin, myosin, sliding filament -> muscle spindles, golgi organs, spinal and cerebellar and cortical control -> nerve impulses -> feeling those muscle fibers moving - it is such an honor to be alive. i love it. and i want more of my time spent working out and my drive to get on the mat to be more about this, and not this voice in my head counting down from 83 to 65 kilos and the internal head banging and misery when the scales don't move in its favour.

shadow

i can write a whole essay on my relationship with food - and i can promise you it'll be a trigger warning laden fucked up love-hate story of the forbidden-bad-boy-who-fucks-you-up-but-i-want-you genre. we'll save that for another time. for now it's the tldr - food has been a huge source of equal parts comfort and self-sabotage in my life, and i do not know how to temper this into something healthy.

in alignment

more so than body image, i have real exploration to do here. i want to really understand my values around food, and then work my way into how to align with these values. for now, there's vague bits of

food is fuel - which i find too idealistic and dry. especially given my culture, upbringing and love for cooking (chemistry and art combined!!!)- food as a pure energy source doesn't entirely cut it for me. but i definitely resonate with the fact that, stripped off the cultural significance and the emotional power it holds over minds, this is all it is. this is what dictates how much my body actually needs to thrive, and it dictates the food choices that would be beneficial for my body vs feeding my monkey-mind.

food makes me happy and this is something i needn't guilt myself over as much as i do. it's normal and natural. i also like the cycle syncing system i have (and struggle to execute in a healthy way) of eating what i crave for at different times of cycle because it just feels fulfilling - and there is nothing wrong with that.

practicalities like take-out and processed foods are too often time and energy efficient. eating out socially is a cute way to bond with fam & friends.

ethical consumption and this explains putting my honor-nature-value along side food. i'm not an aspiring vegan, and i also am not okay with the meat, poultry and dairy industries. but heck, what industry am i even okay with really? is the agricultural industry any better just because plants and soil and little bugs and critters are harder to emotionally relate to? but also how are you supposed to feed exploding urban populations and earn enough to sustain yourself comfortably if you don't MAXIMIZE PRODUCTION? ---as is quite clear, lots of figuring out to do here. but i am happy to announce that one thing i can be certain about are the markets featured on my board which are a reminder to buy from local producers vs corporates.

in alignment

social looking back at '23, i cannot believe how often my social plans have been let's grab a meal together and let's chill at someone's place - "cannot believe" because this is the exact city-life norm that i dislike and was most excited about not having to stick to living in a place like Goa. i understand the convenience of it, but i really want to actively make more plans that are outdoors, I FORGOT TO INCLUDE DANCING AND GREAT MUSIC PARTIES in my board but yeah, that's what i want more of - adventure and excitement, and i hope my friends and fam will be onboard for this.

harmony like real internal-external everything-is-in-harmony is something i stumble upon so often outside in the wild and ok, the wilderness i have access to rn is tame, but i love it with all my heart. i really, really, really want to roll around in grass, get tanned-sandy-sticky on beach days, huff up a steep hike, get stuck atop a tree because my fear-of-heights kicks in before i figure my way down, swim where my feet can't touch the bottom and my water-anxiety is yep - there in the background per usual - but i fuck-you it happily, find cute bugs and make friends with frogs, dogs, birds, cats. also i really want to go on a picnic and eat chutney sandwich, bro.

love ///private thoughts on boyf, friends and family (which includes koka and suzie)/// along the lines of fulfilling healthy abundant non-judgmental love given and received allowing everyone to grow in their own weird ways in the safety of knowing there's a fall-back space. ALSO TO WATER MY PLANTS.

money this is literally just to get done with my exam and be in a place to have a job that pays me good. also, to stick to my figured out financial system - trust me, it is pretty soundproof - i just would like to stick to it. consistently.

shadow

my vague vaaague sense of spirituality - where do we begin. i think, yeah, i'm definitely bothered by the vagueness of it. it always keep shifting and that i can handle - but i'm currently in a never-seen-before flux of i-don't-know-and-trust-ANYTHING.

i think of spirituality

1. as a belief system a. to make sense of the unknown and un-controllable b. to find meaning in a pretty pointless existence

2. and a practice that connects me to all my values which are little dots that add up to my sense of a "good person".

my anxiety has thrown 1a into complete disarray. 1b is thankfully intact - has been so since '21. 2 is now a myriad of things i keep switching between because my brain convinces me that nothing is really working.

i'm curious to know how people without spirituality as a base function healthily - i hope to meet more people who are comfortable being a-spiritual. as for me rn, it feels plenty disconcerting - and i'm actually pretty surprised by how, without even realising it, it's been pretty foundational in my sense of well-being.

the funny thing i've noticed - and i'm ashamed to admit, haha - is that when i'm feeling mentally unhealthy (anxious, apprehensive, lost, depressed, very very scared) - that's when i start to turn to things like those predicting-type tarot spreads, reiki, making unhealthy wishes and hoping there's a god-like-being to bargain with etc. - basically all the stuff my rational brain considers plain silly. i just do them because people say it works. i'm not okay with this. doing all of this gives me a weird feeling in the gut which - i'm struggling to put into words - is something along the lines of -> disliking the disingenuity it sparks because i know i'm doing them out of desperation, hating the feeling of "stooping low when i'm desperate" and just...not trusting what i don't know. i don't know if all of these things are real, i don't know how exactly it works, so i don't know if it's all good or if there's bad, and if things come at a cost or just well - okay, tldr i'm agnostic and my agnosticism gets uncomfortable.

in alignment

catch me in the throes of my anxiety and i'll say otherwise, but honestly, the vagueness of my spirituality-vision excites me. it feels like a near-blank slate and the curiosity that sparks is very fun.

temperance i love tarot! the symbolism in the cards are so ...open to interpretation - and that, to me, is wherein their power lies. i'm not a proponent of the "the-spirits-guided-me-to-draw-these-cards-for-you" but it's more of how i can look at all of this (pretty) imagery and find ways to apply it to my life - i think my conscious and subconscious come together and draw some meaning, you know? it's like reflecting on art - and that in turn being a reflection of your own mental state.

ANYWAY. temperance because that is the theme of life. there's no such thing as too much temperance.

roots and a leaf going with the flow it's almost comical the way my brain works - i love roots. i love big snaky roots and the strong sense of security they give me. when i'm feeling too crazy/anxious/floaty picturing roots actually grounds me - and immediately, my brain will go yeah roots for solid foundation BUT ALSO I DON'T WANT TO BE TIED DOWN - and my brain will reflexively put up this picture of a leaf going with the flow (wind/water). it's interesting how both extremes are hard anxiety triggers - a sense of feeling too tied down, and a sense of no grounding at all. and a big part of my spirituality exploration this year is hacking this anxiety problem - so yeah. strong, grounded, practical and secure, but also wild, free, floaty and moving and exploring - that's the vision.

#vision board

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slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 3 years

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hey so i'm hoping to get some writing advice about creative burnout? like i seem to write in fits and spurts. some months i can churn out a oneshot or chapter everyday and some months i can do one (1) creative thing only. so i'm wondering how to prevent creative burnout and how to just create more smoothly <3 thank you!

Creative Burnout & How To Ward Against It

First, I’d like to preface this all by saying you’re definitely not alone. You probably already know this, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded.

I know from personal experience that creative burnout can leave you feeling hopeless, detached from yourself—the kind of identity crisis no one needs in 2020.

So buckle in, folks. It’s a dosy.

I. The Symptoms

Not to be the local WebMD page here, but signs of burnout can include:

Procrastination (more than usual)

Dreading writing and feeling stuck or overly perfectionistic when you try

Physical tiredness and/or irritability

Feeling like everything is monotonous

It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s a physical and emotional exhaustion response to something that goes deeper than a simple lack of inspiration. In my experience, and from a bit of research, I’ve found that what your brain is really looking for is dopamine.

Dopamine is essentially your brain’s chemical reward system for doing something interesting or exciting to you. As someone who is diagnosed with ADHD, I have chronically low levels of dopamine, so this is a constant struggle for me—but it is absolutely made worse by creative burnout.

II. The Problem

Studies have shown that the more we do A Thing the less that thing will give us dopamine (unless a component of the activity changes regularly). This is because eventually our brains desensitise to the stimuli provided by the activity, and subsequently, we become disengaged.

But it’s not necessarily The Thing (i.e. writing) that becomes boring. Actually, more than a few factors could be at play here, and the first step to finding a solution is to identify the problem.

1. ENVIRONMENT LACKS EXCITEMENT/CHANGE—

Sometimes, the monotony of everyday life can feed creative burnout. This becomes especially applicable in quarantine when you’re not leaving your house.

What we don’t realise is that even something as small as the variables of driving to and from work, or interacting with passing coworkers, gives us dopamine. So if you have the same routine every day that does not involve any added variables, your brain will begin staunching that dopamine supply.

2. EITHER TOO EASY OR TOO CHALLENGING—

In 1975, Hungarian-American psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term “flow”, which refers to a heightened state of creativity and concentration on an activity. Csikszentmihalyi posited that if your skill level is equal to the level of challenge in any given activity, you will experience this state of flow.

The chart below is taken from Csikszentmihalyi’s own study on the subject of flow and motivation. It examines “your skill level” on the x axis in relation to the “challenge level” on the y axis.

Essentially:

Too much challenge + not enough skill = anxiety, worry (which might lead to procrastination and perfectionism)

Too much skill + not enough challenge = boredom, apathy (which might lead to monotony, irritability, and other depression-like symptoms)

Skill level = Challenge level = Flow

3. NOT ENOUGH “ACTIVE” STIMULATION—

When it comes to dopamine seeking, there is a distinct difference between active and passive stimulation in the brain.

Active stimulation is any form of activity that you have to actively engage in. For instance; exercising, doing a crossword puzzle, or reading a book. These kinds of activities not only give you dopamine, they also facilitate critical thinking and problem solving thought processes, which act as catalysts for creativity.

Passive stimulation, on the other hand, comes in the form of television, social media, and YouTube. It’s anything you can consume without having to actively engage. Passive stimulation will indeed give your brain dopamine, however, it won’t activate your creativity.

The problem also lies in the speed at which you receive the dopamine from passive activities. Passive stimulation is so easy to access that the more you consume, the harder it becomes to pick up active stimulation. Your brain expects a hit of dopamine just by picking up a phone or turning on the TV—it becomes addicted to the quick fix of a Netflix binge.

III. The Solutions

Based on the problems mentioned above, I am going to list a few solutions. Keeping in mind that not every solution will work for everyone, these can act as both preventative measures and remedies for someone who is currently burned out.

1. CHANGE UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT/ROUTINE—

Aim to do at least one thing per day that will add “variables” to the monotony. This can be as simple as going on a long walk, dressing up in that bold outfit you always wanted to wear to the office but never did, or sitting at a different workspace in your home.

Anything you can do that’s simple, but might provide an extra variable to your day to spice things up. Note: this shouldn’t be the same thing every day.

2. CHALLENGE YOURSELF MORE—

If you find yourself bored by your work, try challenging yourself more. This could mean setting goals for yourself that go a bit beyond what you’ve been doing.

For example, if you’ve been writing 500 words per day, see if you can beat your own word count every day for the next week. If you’ve been writing mainly fluff pieces, switch it up and do an angst piece. See if you can write a book in a month, or start a blog where you don’t write fiction at all!

Anything you can do to add a little kick to your workload. Note: Beware of challenging yourself too much! This can lead straight back into burnout.

3. CHALLENGE YOURSELF LESS—

If you’re on the flip side of that coin, and find that you are anxious, procrastinating, and perfectionistic when it comes to writing, fret not. Just because you’re experiencing any of these things, doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing the job with your skillset.

It just means your perception of the job needs to be shifted.

Procrastination, at its heart, is a fear of failure, which results in actively avoiding the negative emotions associated with the task that causes this fear. Perfectionism is a type of procrastination that is a combination of a fear of failure and a fear of success (or, more accurately, other’s critiques of your success) all at once.

Neither have anything to do with your actual skillset, but they have everything to do with your perception of your skillset. Obviously, this is a harder thing to fix, as it has to do with deeply ingrained levels of self-esteem.

What I can offer you is a tactic to trick your mind into thinking you’re capable.

If you have a task, big or small, and you are feeling overwhelmed by it (like you might go curl up in bed and scroll Tumblr), immediately break that task up into smaller tasks. Keep breaking up the smaller tasks until you have the smallest possible part of the bigger task without doing nothing.

Then do that smallest possible thing.

If your goal is to write a 2000 word one shot, a small part of that task is writing half of it. An even smaller part of that task is breaking the one shot up into “scenes” and writing one scene. For instance:

Jude wakes up to a sore throat, a runny nose, and a fever.

She tries to go to work, but Cardan, being the mother hen that he is, threatens to never make her another grilled cheese sandwich (her favourite food) ever again if she doesn’t stay home.

Jude agrees begrudgingly, and Cardan sits her down in front of the TV with a bottle of Gatorade. He leaves to go get medicine from the store.

When Cardan comes back, Jude is worse than before. He makes her soup and saltine crackers and spoon feeds her.

She complains the whole time and, in her feverish state, threatens to never buy him another bottle of wine (his favourite food) ever again if he doesn’t let her feed herself.

Each bullet point represents one “scene” of about 200-400 words each. Obviously, there will be more details that you work out as you write. But with these five smaller scenes, your goal is no longer writing the 2000 word one shot. Your goal is writing the first of the five scenes.

If you complete the smallest possible task, you can stop, and you’ll still feel like you’ve accomplished something because you can cross off that task from your list. But chances are, by the time you cross off one task, you may have inspiration enough to keep going.

4. ENGAGE IN ACTIVE STIMULATION—

Since active stimulation has been proven to turn on the creative “tap”, try incorporating more of these activities into your daily routine:

Exercise: As the resident couch potato, I hate to say that exercising is good for creativity, but it is. Even if it’s just going on a short walk, so long as you’re moving.

Reading: Sometimes you have plenty of ideas, but no words to fit those ideas. Fill your well of words by carving out an hour or two each day for reading a good book.

The Creative Process: In the writing world, the creative process is a process of about 20-30 minutes that the writer partakes in every day before they start writing. This process should be creative, but also have nothing to do with writing. You can try colouring in a colouring book, painting, organising a page in your bullet journal. Anything that is creative but does not make you think about everything you have to do that day. Think of it as creative meditation.

Listen to music: Having APD, I personally can’t listen to music while I write. However, studies have shown that if you listen to at least ten songs per day, it will significantly benefit your dopamine levels and overall mood. If you’re like me and prefer to work in silence, maybe stick on a couple songs during your creative process. If you can manage music and writing together, get out those headphones!

5. KEEP A REGULAR SCHEDULE—

I know this is the most cliche point in the book, but it’s valid. This doesn’t mean do the same thing at the same time every day over and over, because ultimately we’re looking to avoid monotony.

But having pillars of structure to bolster the excitement can definitely work to keep you from slipping into burnout. Going to sleep, waking up, and having your meals at relatively the same time every day are good examples of this.

Feel free to change up the things you do between breakfast and lunch, but make sure you have those pillars of consistency so your brain knows that a break is on the horizon and doesn’t get tired.

6. PACE YOURSELF—

This is particularly difficult for those of us who are coming out of a creative burnout, but I urge you to pay special attention to this one. If we are suddenly hit by inspiration and the writing is flowing and flowing and flowing, eventually we will hit the point of highest dopamine capacity for writing.

Not putting a check on the flood of inspiration coming out of a creative burnout, I’d argue, is actually a guarantee that many of us will experience burnout all over again. It becomes this vicious cycle in which we are trapped.

While it feels great to write non-stop and receive immediate validation for that work, try to limit yourself to how much you’re writing and how immediately you post your writing (if you plan on posting it).

Whenever I finish a one shot or a chapter of something, I like to allow at least one day for editing before I post. This timeframe is important, because it acts as a buffer of rest between writing marathons.

You can take however long you need for the editing process, but definitely make sure you have a set amount of time in place. Otherwise, your brain might not have enough time to come down from what is essentially a writing high, and you will always need to reach greater heights in order to achieve that same level of dopamine.

~~~~

Overall, the most important things to take away from all of this are:

Change up your environment

Keep your brain actively stimulated

Have pillars of structure between which you can run about chaotically to your heart’s content

PACE YOURSELF!

Hope this helped. Happy writing!

-Em 🖤🗡

Writing Tip Masterlist

Fic Masterlist

Celebrate 2K with me!

#this one was a spiritual one y'all #thanks for the ask babes!#writing #writing tips #writing advice #writeblr #writing tip masterlist #writer #writer's desk #writer's life #writer's problems #writer's block #ao3 #fanfiction #creative burnout #asked and answered #em answers #danaanruhn #thank you for 2k!! 🥳💜

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autisticcassandracain · 3 years

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I have many thoughts on the weird phenomena in the DC fandom and the Batfam fandom specifically where probably the majority of people just straight up. haven’t interacted with the source material. and almost all of those thoughts can be summarized as ‘lmao that’s weird and mildly concerning’.

and because I’m annoying I will list them all here right now <3

1. To preface this post, I mean, obviously, comics are inaccessible as all hell, both in the disability kind of way and the ‘you need to understand the concept of hypertime to fully comprehend the DC timeline’ kind of way. Because of this, even if you don’t have a disability that prevents you from reading comics, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to look at the amount of comics you need to read to have even a base understanding of a character and go ‘no thanks <3′ and just enjoy fanart and fanfic in a vacuum. Ultimately, this is fandom, this is supposed to be fun, it doesn’t really matter.

2. That said, it’s VERY weird to me that the majority of this fandom just straight up hasn’t interacted with the source material, and moreover, that it’s considered rude to tell people that they should do so. It’s especially weird considering the amount of fanon-only fans I’ve seen who straight up have a superiority complex over canon. The idea that it’s gatekeeping to tell fans of something to actually interact with canon is just. so weird, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what ‘gatekeeping’ actually entails.

3. But honestly I’m less interested in discussing the ways in which canon and fanon fans should interact with each other (personally, I think it would be helpful to create separate tags of some kind, but that’d require quite a big overhaul of the current fandom state) than in figuring out how this actually happened in the first place. On the one hand, it’s obvious; long-running superhero comics the way DC writes them have made themselves so thoroughly inaccessible that most people are simply too daunted to even try. Most media has a cohesive beginning and end (or at least, a planned end somewhere). Comics just... don’t.

But I do think it says something that, even among people who are clearly interested in the characters (since they have, you know, entire blogs about them), the effort to get into comics just seems to be too much to even bother. This really doesn’t bode well for the future of DC Comics. Obviously, I am no expert on anything at all ever, but I’d personally be surprised if DC survives beyond the few decades, at least in its current form/without a big overhaul.

4. But on the other hand, I don’t think the confusing state of DC Comics is the only thing to blame here. Fandom has a well-known problem with reducing any character down to archetypes to more easily ship and write fic/make content with. This problem is particularly prominent in fanfic, which, if you read enough of it, you’ll eventually start seeing not just the same tropes and trends, but essentially the same fics over and over again. And not just within the same fandom; everywhere, or every large fandom, at least.

Fanon Batfam is entirely built on a bunch of those tropes; insecure/depressed sadboy Tim, team mom with optional hidden trauma/emotional problems Dick, bad boy with a heart of gold + sadboy combo Jason, abused sadboy Damian/angry easily-villified-for-fic-reasons monster Damian, good dad Bruce for found family fic and bad dad Bruce for angst fic, etc. This all culminates in a found family dynamic that’s generic and malleable to whatever fic the writer wants to write.

(This isn’t getting into the ship fic, which I avoid like the plague because the vast majority of it is incest, but I’d bet real actual money that the tropes in those fics fall under what is often preferred by the Migratory Slash Fandom.)

By having a decent excuse not to get into canon (the inaccessibility of comics) and a, by now, well-established fanon fandom, many fans feel free to use the batfam fandom as essentially an excuse to write whatever fic with reduced archetypes and tropes they personally feel the itch to write, without having to bother with even consuming a canon. This is compounded by the fact that canon itself is often contradictory and frankly bad, meaning that whatever interpretation of a character you want/need to go for your fic is at least theoretically backed up by canon (for example, you can just as easily cast Bruce as an abusive shithole dad who his kids need to get away from as a loving father figure who cares deeply for his children), which you can always use as a defense if people question your characterization.

5. This focus on fandom trends and tropes over actual creativity or care for the characters is also visible in the way bigotry manifests in this fandom; namely, in literally the exact way you’d expect. The female characters and characters of colour are shuffled to the side, non-existent, vilified, and/or reduced to harmful stereotypes.

Barbara is probably the one I saw the most often in fanfic, but usually just as ‘Dick’s girlfriend’, and even then, she was often vilified for Dick angst (especially in fics about examining Dick’s trauma from his canon sexual assault; Kori also often gets the short end of the stick in those). After that, probably Stephanie, who fanon fans don’t really seem to know what to do with, so she’s basically just there as comic relief waffle girl, most of the time, though sometimes she can be used to either further Tim angst or further vilify Tim, whatever the fic calls for. Cass has gotten included more in batfam fics as of late, likely in response to critiques of fandom racism for leaving her out, but again, it’s clear people don’t actually know what to do with her. She’s often reduced to a racist stereotype of a quite, stoic therapist for whatever guy du jour needs it. That, or she’s in Hong Kong and just not there. Duke especially gets left in the dust in fandom, usually just being non-existent, but when he’s there, he’s almost always nothing more than the straight man for the actual fun characters to play off of. Talia probably has it the worst, though, and almost universally gets vilified by fanon stans in order to write sadboy Damian.

All of this is extremely predictable behaviour and falls entirely in line with general fandom misogyny and racism; ignoring or vilifying women and characters of colour, or using them as very minor characters at best. The only two characters of colour who aren’t regularly left out of fic are Dick and Damian, who are both also conveniently the two characters most often drawn and written in a whitewashed manner. In addition, there’s a real trend of demonizing Damian in fanon fics where he isn’t written as an abused sadboy, which I’d argue is in no small part due to fandom racism, considering Damian’s behaviour is in no way as bad as Jason’s, who doesn’t get anywhere close to the same demonization and gets woobiefied instead. I also find it convenient that Damian is probably the batboy who receives the most vilification in fic, when he’s the most obviously non-white of the batboys they’re willing to acknowledge.

Fandom often cries for more diversity in canon, only to ignore the diversity already there and focus on the same generic white guys. The batfam fandom is a brilliant example of this.

Which is not to say that fandom racism and misogyny isn’t present in the canon parts of the fandom (and canon itself); it absolutely 100% is. But I’ve found that canon fans are also more likely to like and care about at least one of the characters I’ve listed as ignored/vilified, and are willing to create and consume content for them, whereas fanon fans... aren’t, really. I’ve never seen a fan of fanon Cass the way I’ve seen fans of fanon Dick, for example. Obviously, this could just be by coincidence, or I’ve just surrounded myself with people like that, but it’s been a trend I noticed. Racism and misogyny is present in every part of this fandom and should be addressed as such, but I feel like it manifests the most blatantly in the fanon parts of this fandom.

(I’d also recommend the articles Migratory Slash Fandom’s Focus and Beige Blank Slates, which expand more on the type of fandom racism I think is especially prominent in the batfam fandom, as well as literally every article in the What Fandom Racism Looks Like series.)

6. All this leads me to conclude that the majority of fanon fans don’t actually like the characters all that much; they’re convenient excuses for them to participate in fandom. Which I also think is, in no small part, a reason why so many of them react so negatively to being told to pick up a comic; they came to this fandom specifically to consume it as a fandom, because they wanted the fandom experience without having to consume a canon.

This is not a phenomena unique to the batfam fandom (again, see the Migratory Slash Fandom), but it does fascinate me. While fandom is often said to be an experience focusing on transformative art, I think it’s also safe to say that, especially as fandom has become more mainstream, an increasing amount of people are looking to it less as a way to engage with their favourite pieces of media, and more as a type of media in and of itself. I think the reasons for this are similar to the reasons mass media entertainment like the MCU are so popular; you gain a lot of enjoyment out of it with very little risk involved.

By consuming the same fics of the same characters (or the same archetypes) over and over again, you are rarely at risk of being challenged or even disappointed. It’s often very clear right from the start whether or not a fic will appeal to you, and if it isn’t, it’s easy to just look for another one. It requires less emotional investment than most other types of media, even ‘popcorn media’ like the MCU - or, yes, DC Comics. It’s safe, it’s enjoyable, it’s comforting, like McDonalds, but just like McDonalds, it’s ultimately bland and unsubstantial.

7, TL;DR. Ultimately, I don’t think it’s like, wrong to enjoy the fanon version of the batfam without wanting to engage with canon, and I certainly don’t think it’s okay to harrass people over it. But I do think it’s in large part based on a desire to interact with fandom rather than other pieces of media because people are scared of being let down by those pieces of media (or worse, just uninterested in actually thinking), which is mildly concerning.

#long post #my posts #infodumping #btw i say this as someone who also has trouble consuming much more than popcorn media/fanfic due to emotional exhaustion #but it's not a healthy habit and it's something people can and should try to break out of #also obviously this isn't about EVERY fanon fan specifically so if this doesn't apply to you specifically great then move on

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zigraves · 3 years

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About your recipe with the curdled milk and the brandy - there is not quite enough detail there for me to feel comfortable attempting to replicate. Can I ask you to make a step by step?

Sure! Here is a step by step that breaks the original 4 steps into quite a lot more than 4 steps, hopefully with adequate detail about each step and why you do it the way that you do. This is a LONG post, so it’s hopefully buried under this readmore.

Equipment you need: A measuring cup, ideally a set that also includes 1/4 cups and 1/2 cups, but it’s fine to just use one cup and go by eye. A peeling knife or grater (for zesting your fruit) A pan capable of holding at least 4 cups of liquid A large lidded jug that fits in your fridge A spoon with a long handle A second large jug for straining your mix into, lid not required A large glass bottle, at least 1 litre capacity, with flip or screw top, for final storage of your fancy drink. This should be sterilised ahead of time, ie in dishwasher or oven. A seive or similar strainer A funnel for convenience Coffee filters, several

The method I use is based off Mary Rockett’s Citrus Milk Punch over on splendid table, and with the same ingredients. Keep to a 1:5 ratio of milk:cocktail for the best results, but you can get away with 1:4 in a pinch. I treat cups as British cooking cups, ie around 250ml capacity. As long as you use the same measuring cups throughout, you’ll be fine: 1- Peel your lemon & orange into long strips of zest. I use one large naval orange and two whole lemons worth of zest because I like it extra flavoursome. If you have more time and also motor control, take a microplane grater and zest all the colour off your fruit. You want the zest to be able to give out all the oils & flavours it contains, hence optional use of a grater. You DO NOT WANT the pith, the white stuff under the tasty zesty peel. Leave that on the fruit, and save the fruit for later by wrapping it in clingfilm to replace to the outer skin it lost.

2 - Dump the zest/ strips into a tupperware containing two cups of your cheapest brandy. I use the bottom shelf stuff that comes in plastic bottles. Try to make sure it’s a good waterproof tupperware, because then you can pick it up and give it a violent shake to encourage the delicious oils from the zest to really infuse into the brandy.

3 - Put your tupperware container somewhere away from direct sunlight (I hide mine on top of the microwave), and come back 24 hours later.

4 - It’s now 24 hours later. Pour a cup of milk from the fridge into a LARGE and LIDDED container, like a 2 litre jug. The milk will sit in the jug warming up to a cool room temperature while you do the next bits.

5 - The official recipe says to add your remaining ingredients together and whisk till the sugar dissolves, but this is where I diverge a bit. Add your 2 cups of water and 1/2 cup of sugar together in a pan, and heat gently while stirring until the sugar dissolves. I find this faster and easier on my wrists than trying to whisk sugar into cold water and brandy that’s already got stuff in it.

6 - Take your sugar solution off the heat & let it cool a bit, then add the juice of yesterday’s bald orange and lemons and stir them together. Use fresh, not bottled stuff, even if this means you need another orange because you ate the one you zested yesterday. The original recipe says 1/4 cup each lemon and orange, but I like 1/4 cup lemon and 1/2 cup orange.

7 - Strain your brandy-with-stuff-in into the solution, discarding the zest that was in it. If you just put in strips of peel, this is easy - pick out the chunks and chuck ‘em. If you put in grated zest, you will need to use a strainer for all the little bits. Stir your liquids again to make sure everything is nicely mixed.

8 - GENTLY pour your brandy-juice-water-sugar mix into the milk that’s now a coolish room temperature. If you dump it all in at once, the milk can curdle too fast. And likewise, if you add the milk to the brandy instead, it will curdle instantly and then you lose the slow process that gives you good results.

9 - Give your horrible brandy-juice-water-sugar-milk concoction a gentle stir with a long handled spoon of some kind, so that there’s no untouched milk sitting at the bottom and no totally clear brandy stuff sitting at the top.

10 - Put the lid on your container, put it in your fridge, and WARN YOUR FLAT MATES/ FAMILY/ ROOMIE/ SPOUSE NOT TO TOUCH IT, because most people, on seeing a jug of horrible curdled milk hell, will sensibly want to throw it out. But they don’t know what we know about playing with booze and chemistry. Leave it for 24 hours.

11 - We are now on Day Three of making this cocktail. Take your horrible nasty curdled milk hell drink out of the fridge, noticing that it has settled into a thick curdy soft-cheese mass and a mostly clear liquid that’s still got some funky looking stuff. Line a strainer with a coffee filter, and begin to decant from the fridge jug into a new container via your filter. I find it helpful to stick the strainer atop a funnel for this part, since most liquid containers have narrow mouths better suited to funnels than to big round strainers.

12 - You will go through a few coffee filters, because the milk curds will start to clog it up pretty quickly on your first round. I throw out the clogged filter and replace it wth a new one every time the flow of liquid from filter into container gets to just being a very, very slow drip.

13 - Great, now do that again. Despite the loving care of multiple coffee filters, some sediment from the milk will probably have gotten into your lovely end result. The original recipe suggests two rounds, but I usually do three rounds of filtration to get the level of clarity I’m happy with. Final round is filtered into your nice bottle for storage.

14 - Done! Seal your bottle of fancy booze, and store it in the fridge (or, if you live somewhere that’s temperate bordering on cool & have access to a root cellar or similar storage location, store it outdoors in the ground away from sunlight as Charles Dickens used to do and as my girlfriend’s mountain-dwelling Welsh family still do).

note: this recipe should taste decent immediately, but the flavour develops when it has more time to really commingle so it’s totally worth coming back to after a month. If you decide you want to experiment and use other boozes & fruits as a base, just keep it acidic and note that some flavours take longer to mellow than others.

#my booze is compiling #recipes #drinking #projects for a long weekend #I need to finish my bottle of lime rum and make some rum port tea #driftward

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cosplayinamerica · 3 years

Photo

Princess Daisy : pencils_and_pincushions // photo: that_fedora_photographer

I’m a Canadian cosplayer who has been cosplaying since 2007. I’ve had a love for Victorian fashion since I very young age (my little kid brain basically made the connection that Victorian dresses = women dressing like Disney princesses IRL), but the thing that kickstarted my desire to learn sewing was going to a fabric store with my mother when I was in my senior year of high school and seeing a Butterick pattern catalogue that had Victorian-inspired costumes. Almost instantly I had a lightbulb moment that if I learned to sew, I could actually wear those big fancy gowns I loved.

I entered university and, over the next few years, spent my free time reading and learning everything I could about sewing. In 2007, my best friend invited me to Anime North - she was going as a gothic lolita-inspired version of the Queen of Hearts, so I decided I would make a Mad Hatter to accompany her.

I was so excited that I jumped in completely head-first, and it ended up being my first foray into both sewing and pattern drafting. In hindsight it was wildly ambitious for a first project (and I’m still a little surprised that I actually pulled it off!), but I’m so glad that my enthusiasm made me persevere and psh through the challenges, because I learned a ton from that experience and ended up with a cosplay I was thrilled with.

I remember seeing myself in the mirror the first time and being so happy when I realized I’d been able to bring something to life from my imagination. When my friend and I got to the con, things only got better from there - the atmosphere was so energetic and colourful thanks to all the amazing cosplays, and it was filled with so many fun, enthusiastic, and friendly people. From that day I was officially hooked on cosplay.

I’m part of the Toronto Steampunk Society and, each year at Fan Expo Canada, we hold an Annual Costume Challenge where we pick a theme and encourage people to make a costume based on the theme. A couple of years ago, the theme was ‘steampunk video game characters’ and one of my friends in the TSS, Modern Myths Cosplay, thought it would be cute to do Princess Peach and Princess Daisy.

I loved the idea and, after more discussion, we decided to do a steampunk twist on the Super Smash Bros Brawl version since it was fancier and seemed to lend itself well to a steampunk interpretation. Though Daisy isn’t officially in Brawl, my friend was fortunately able to dig up some fan edits of Peach in Daisy’s colours, so with that we were set.

I usually make my outfits myself, but since my friend and I wanted to ensure our cosplays matched, we decided to work collaboratively and divide things: I would create the bodices and accessories for both gowns, and she would create the skirts and crinolines.

I started off by drafting the base bodice patterns. Since I draft all my costumes, I used my existing bodice block/master patterns for myself and drafted a bodice block from scratch for my friend based on her measurements. One neat thing about working this way was that it basically turned into a girls’ weekend where I was able to teach my friend more about pattern drafting, which ended up making the process unexpectedly fun and memorable.

After I finished fitting my friend’s bodice block, I got to work drafting our bodice patterns based on the reference pics we had collected. Being able to tackle both bodices ended up working well since it enabled me to draft them in a way that made them visually match identical while taking our respective body shapes into account.

A couple of mockups and fittings later, we had an idea of how much fabric we needed, so we went fabric shopping. My friend suggested that we go with richer, more regal-looking tones instead of strictly game-accurate colours, so when we found a place selling gorgeous peau de soie and sparkle organza, I was instantly sold on a gold and burnt orange colour scheme.

We split the fabric based on our respective portions and worked on them separately. I cut and sewed the bodices, which was fairly straight forward but time-consuming! The part that sticks in my mind the most was the center front panel because it had so many pieces and layers - two types of satin, two types of organza (including one that had to be ruched to the base panel in multiple places), five rows of lace, interfacing...and that doesn’t even include the lining!

I also created our jewelry and crowns. The brooches and earrings were made from filigree settings that I painted, glued gems, and attached pin backs and earring hooks to, and the crowns are made from craft foam painted in gold acrylic, with embellishments assembled from painted filigree stampings and gems.

My friend created our cage skirts from 1/4 PEX pipe and brown grosgrain ribbon, which ended up being the perfect hoop skirt material since it was cheap, lightweight, and strong enough to support the huge, heavy skirts. She cut and sewed our skirts (including attaching meters and meters of trim that I’d painted white to better match the game colours) and she also made our bloomers.

The gowns were a huge undertaking and, thanks to work and general real life eating up time, we did end up engaging in the dreaded con crunch, but fortunately in the end we were able to get them to a state where they were pretty and wearable!

The response at the convention was absolutely amazing - I don’t think I’ve ever had a costume elicit the reactions that Princess Daisy did. We figured that, since we were cosplaying the princesses from Mario, there was a good chance we might be recognized, but the thing I wasn’t prepared for was how genuinely happy and excited people were, especially when they saw us together. We literally had kids waving at us from across the street when they spotted us.

Even grown-ups loved it - we were frequently stopped for pictures, and even a couple of the folks in the dealer’s room who were running booths would break into huge smiles and ask for pictures. Plus, people loved the steampunk twist and were delighted when they realized how much our costumes matched.

The best, most heartwarming response to my Princess Daisy cosplay happened when I met up with some other friends and one tapped me on the shoulder, pointed behind me and said, “I think she wants a picture with the princess.” I turned around and, standing a few feet away, was this adorable, super shy little black girl who was staring in my direction. My heart instantly melted and I went over to her and had a little chat and took a picture with her.

As a black cosplayer who has run several panels on BIPOC cosplay and spoken about the importance of diversity and representation in cosplay, being able to show that sweet little girl that someone who looks like her can be a princess - and showing kids of other races that Princess Daisy can be black - was a vivid reminder that representation does matter.

Since I got into the hobby, cosplay has been a big part of my life and has positively impacted me in so many ways. It has been an incredible creative outlet that has given me the chance to express myself, and it has allowed me to meet so many wonderful people - many of whom are now among my closest friends. However, I think one of the most rewarding things about cosplay has been how it has allowed me to provide BIPOC cosplay representation and visibility within my local cosplay community. I often do Afro-steampunk cosplay, and one of the most unexpectedly moving things I’ve experienced has been other BIPOC saying to me that seeing my outfits make them feel like they can cosplay.

It has been humbling and has motivated me to get more involved in the cons I attend. For the past several years I’ve run panels on diversity in cosplay/steampunk as well as sewing and cosplay construction, which has enabled me to share the knowledge and skills I’ve learned. I also lead the steampunk section of the Anime North Fashion Show, and I’ve made a point to recruit as diverse a roster of models as possible. I’m happy that we’ve been able to showcase steampunk looks inspired by various cultures including Chinese, Indian, and Morrocan.

Another plus is that the sewing skills I’ve learned from cosplay have come in handy in other areas of my life. It has been fun - and surprisingly empowering - to be at a point where I can use my sewing ability to create one-of-a-kind outfits for formal work events (like office holiday parties) that make me feel pretty and confident.

Something I’ve frequently mentioned during my BIPOC cosplay/steampunk panels is that the simple act of showing up to a con or event in cosplay can have an impact because you never know how much that visibility can inspire other BIPOC to get into the hobby, so my advice to anyone wanting to get into cosplay is to do it! Overall I have found it to be a fun, creative, energizing experience.

While I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had overwhelmingly positive experiences while cosplaying, I recognize that, unfortunately, BIPOC do sometimes face harassment and outright racist comments (especially online) that can make getting into the hobby seem scary. Finding welcoming, supportive spaces in person and online can be a big help (the POC Cosplay group on Facebook is great for this) - plus, thanks to things like #28DaysOfBlackCosplay, there is more visibility and inspiration out there than ever before.

The other thing I’d add is to treat each cosplay as a learning experience. Being able to work so closely with my friend on creating a cosplay was a completely different creation process than I’m used to, and it was really cool to be able to learn from each other’s different working styles and experience. It was great to teach her pattern drafting and see how happy she was to learn skills she could apply to future cosplays, and I was so excited when she showed me her PEX pipe hoop skirt method. Looking back on my Princess Daisy cosplay makes me smile because it’s almost like a physical representation of the fun we have cosplaying together.

#princess daisy #princess daisy cosplay #cosplay #black cosplay #black cosplayer #poc cosplay #poc cosplayer #cosplay interview #steampunk

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chrwrites · 3 years

Text

SOFTober day 28: Blush

“Are you sure you trust me with this?”, Luka asked as he waved a small make-up brush in the air and held a palette in his hands, inspecting the colours.

Marinette nodded reassuringly, “Yes, you can put eyeliner better than me!”, she said as she sat on the chair in front of him, dangling her legs happily.

She was the one who asked him to help her do her make-up, after all, and they still had to wait an hour for the rest of Kitty Section to join them.

Luka had gotten there early since he was done with his deliveries for the day, and Marinette had welcomed him into her house rubbing her left eye with a wipe, still trying to take the pink glittery eyeshadow she was experimenting with off.

“I wanted to try something new”, she justified herself after throwing away the last wipe and looking at him.

Luka nodded in understanding, and Marinette remembered admiring the way his skillful hands effortlessly drew thin even lines of eyeliner on his eyelids before a show, how she slowly got lost in studying his features time after time and noticed how the dark colour never failed to make his eyes shine a brighter blue under the lights, or how the glossy lip balm he put on smelled like apricot and it ended up making her wonder how it would feel on her mouth.

That’s why she decided to ask Luka to help her with her make up.

To… you know, spend time together. And stay close to him. Really close.

Have his hands on her face, feeling his breath on her skin… The usual things friends do when they are together. Nothing much.

And Luka agreed only because he wanted to help her, there wasn’t any hidden reason behind it.

He grabbed two hairpins from her vanity and used them to keep her bangs away from her forehead before he started applying a light eyeshadow as a base, adding a shimmery golden eyeshadow to highlight her eyes. Not that she needed to, her eyes were beautiful just from the way they twinkled when she was happy.

Marinette took a deep breath when she felt Luka catch her chin between his fingers and raise her head delicately, she relaxed under his touch while he hummed soft melodies, his work only interrupted when he had the had to check it in its entirety to make sure that he wasn’t making her look like a clown.

At least his hands didn’t shake as he put on the make-up on her, she didn’t complain when he made her head move the way he needed to, and he was happy to see her finally calm and relaxed.

Luka had to take a deep breath to steady himself when he asked Marinette to open her eyes, revealing the bright sapphires he had fallen for so long ago.

He still managed to draw even lines of eyeliner on both her eyes, and when he was done he couldn’t help but unintentionally whisper a “Beautiful” that made Marinette’s cheeks turn pink as he took a bigger brush to apply some blush on her cheeks.

He smiled fondly at her, his knuckles ghosting her cheeks before he shook the brush in front of her eyes, “I don’t think you need this”, he teased, causing Marinette’s cheeks to turn into a deeper shade of red. Her hands covered them as she squeezed her eyes, shaking her head. “Stop it!!”, Marinette whined, making Luka chuckle.

“I’m sorry, I just really like to see you blush”, he said, his eyes widening at his unexpected boldness. It’s cute, was what he wanted to say.

“Soooo... Do you want to wear any lipstick?”, he asked, trying to change the subject.

Marinette opened her eyes and let her hands fall on her sides, her cheeks still flushed. The make-up he gave her was something she could have easily recreated and didn’t look too heavy on her soft features. Her eyes were framed by gold and brown eyeshadow and a thin sharp line of eyeliner, but her face was clean and delicate as always. Beautiful and mesmerising as always.

She gave him a shy smile before looking at her reflection in the mirror, and her smile widened as she admired his work, “This is amazing, Luka!” she said, making him look down and bite down the smile that was forming in his face as he tried not to think about the butterflies dancing in his stomach.

Marinette’s lips twisted in thought as she valued which shade of lipstick she would go for, and hummed in satisfaction when she eventually picked the deep red she was too shy to wear outside of her room.

She wasn’t very accurate when it came to putting on bright shades on her lips, she always ended up ruining the lip outline because she spent too much time trying to make it perfect, which led to her taking the make-up off and sticking to light colours or her strawberry flavoured lip-gloss.

She waved the lipstick in the air, and Luka had to focus on stopping the voice that started singing in his head about wanting to wear her lipstick because it meant he got to kiss her lips before he took the small stick in his hands. Only then he noticed that they were shaky, and he took a deep breath as he studied the lipstick and tried to gather himself before moving it closer to her mouth.

“Don’t make me look like the Joker, please”, Marinette teased, and her voice soothed Luka’s nerves, he shook his head and felt his shoulders relax. He went on applying the smooth blend of lipstick on her lips delicately, concentrating on the task and trying to avoid the thoughts forming in his mind.

The tiny smile gracing her lips got wider when she looked back at her reflection in the mirror, and Luka couldn’t help but smile with her as he admired her in silence. Marinette scrambled to get up, ignoring how she almost tripped on her own feet, too focused on reaching Luka and hugging him. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and enjoying her sweet scent as she thanked him. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling away, giggling as she pointed at the lipstick stain on his cheek.

Luka frowned as he realised that some of the lipstick had smeared under her lower lip, and his thumb automatically reached for it to clean it. He let it rest there, too entranced in admiring how good the colour looked on her, fully taking in her beauty. It made him feel breathless.

Marinette’s eyes were fixed on his, leaving him unable to move. Her lips were slightly parted, and she put her hand on his, slowly making it move away from her face and intertwining it with hers at their sides.

Luka felt his heart pound in his ears as Marinette pushed herself on her tiptoes and leaned to his face, he followed her movements, leaning in until their lips finally met.

She kissed him, and he kissed her back, following her slow hesitant pace before guiding her into kissing him the way she wanted to. He could feel an unfamiliar warmth spread through his body as he got lost into the kiss. Luka smiled on her lips, his free hand tangling in her hair as he deepened the kiss. It was slow and soft, and Marinette felt her skin tingle as he kissed her with all the love and care he had always kept for her.

She reluctantly pulled away when she needed to grasp some air, and Luka let out a breathless giggle before pulling her in again. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling on her lips, and as he kept kissing her he felt like he was falling more and more in love with her.

It was perfect, her hands cupped his cheek, and she guided him to the chaise longue at the back of the room with gentle pecks on his lips, leaving him chasing for more. Then he finally fell on the soft surface and Marinette adjusted herself beside him, not hesitating to kiss him again and sighing happily on his lips.

But then the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of their friends. Luka groaned as Marinette scrambled to get off him and grabbed a cleaning wipe from her vanity before rushing downstairs to open the door, leaving a star struck Luka in her room. Was it real? Did he really kiss Marinette?

He kept replaying their kisses in his head as his fingers reached for his lips, the dazed smile not leaving his face until he felt Marinette’s voice call for him and he had to shake himself from his hazy state and walk downstairs. He greeted his friends with more enthusiasm than usual, and sat next to Marinette.

Silence filled the room as everyone looked at him with an amused expression, “What?”, he asked, but the laugh that escaped Marinette’s lips was enough to make him realise that he forgot to take her lipstick off.

He blushed, lowering his head at Juleka’s snickering comments. He knew that she was going to give him a hard time about it, but as the afternoon passed, Luka found himself not to care about it.

Marinette was by his side, and that was all that mattered.

#lukanette #endgame lukanette #softober #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng

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pocmuzings · 4 years

Text

hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up !

disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .

so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so ! i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !!

psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations ! but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !

FCS:

one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc !

if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps & bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !

unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia + )

FOOD :

we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands !

indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !

cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh , sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise !

indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry, despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean , bitch ! )

indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )

desserts are what we call Indian Sweets . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar . examples of indian sweets that u can google : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !

give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds

FAMILY :

if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself .

if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY !

if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again )

indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .

everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .

family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .

FASHION:

female hindu indian formal clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree

most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though !

usually , older women and married women wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear .

bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )

male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta

indians wear white at funerals , not black ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !

DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ):

modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older indians , , ur dating options in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) : hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals / actively are Against these backwards ideals. i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT . pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here .

yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020

YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?

TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :

idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or alternatively : The Evil Eye , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .

the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) .

a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal

theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !

the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are :

diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together ! )

holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! )

rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .

navratri / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )

there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra

GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker .

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .

i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !

not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !

not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !

WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :

the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !

i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :

indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything

heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating

indian men as sleazy

indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all

Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing

an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .

i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !

so what and who SHOULD you write ?

an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi

a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! )

an indian character with really super accepting parents and family

an aromantic indian

an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life

a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )

a indian character who is a party animal

an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word

a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )

a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs

honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above

#guide #writing help #rph #rpc #islamaphobia tw #colorism tw #classism tw #idk if this is any good and i was very uncomfortable putting in the part abt how a lot of older indians feel abt muslims #but i mean . . lets just call it the fuck out bc its Gross Behaviour so lets call it out and work to change it #anyways every trigger is tagged super clearly in every point that talks abt it #i kept those parts Brief and as Direct and Honest as possible #pls let me know if u need me to tag anything #and lastly . . . pls write indian characters !!!!

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incompletionism · 3 years

Text

Hands On with... The Outbound Ghost

“Back after so many years?” booms a mysterious voice as we’re transported to an otherworldly realm, filled with glowing orbs that speed towards the titular spook of The Outbound Ghost, “I wonder how you’ve changed.”. Whoever they are, they could just as easily be talking about the Paper Mario series that inspired the game.

Originally an RPG spinoff of the core Mario games, the Paper Mario games soon became a strong series in their own right, characterised by witty dialogue and 2D sprites in a papery 3D world. As the series went on, the games began to move away from their stat-based RPG roots and closer and closer to puzzle/action/exploration hybrids.

This, plus the introduction of new and often intrusive gimmicks in each subsequent entry from Super Paper Mario’s flip mechanic on-wards, alienated a lot of the series’ original fans.

Fans of the first two (Paper Mario on the N64 and The Thousand Year Door on the Gamecube), have since taken matters in their own hands, most notably 2020’s Bug Fables, but with The Outbound Ghost’s Kickstarter coming to an end tomorrow, I thought it was time I took at this promising successor to TTYD’s throne.

The demo (Currently available on Steam!) begins with a car careening down a quiet country road at night. Suddenly, the screen cuts to black and we hear the shriek of tires before a ghost steps out of the flaming wreck.

A cute, blue-glowing 2D sprite that wouldn’t look out of place in a Paper Mario Ghost Mansion, the nameless ghost wears a simple, often neutral, expression and a little tuft of hair. This baby-faced apparition reminds me of Casper the Friendly Ghost just a tad, and the thick white borders around this and every other character sprite calls to mind the borders of stickers, which fits the paper theme well.

Although the first impression of it is consumed by fire, I have to say now that the world in this game is gorgeous. Each individual blade of grass wafts in the breeze and makes the world feel like our own, rather than a series of dioramas. Whether that’s going to be a bridge too far for fans of Paper Mario’s handcrafted world, I’m not sure, but it certainly means this would not run on the N64, and I have to confess that my laptop struggled at times, which makes me question how well it’ll run on the Switch.

That’s a shame, as The Outbound Ghost’s controls feel like they’re better suited for a console than a PC. Even though it uses the classic WASD/arrow keys and you have some kind of crystal that allows you to dash with the space bar, one glaring example of this was when equipping a shovel. Each of the four slots were at 45-degree angles, which was not the most intuitive thing to navigate with four directions, but would be a breeze with an analogue stick.

Also easier with more than four directions to move in are what I call the “faint and have an out-of-(non)body experience in a weird purple dimension where orbs and a mysterious voice just won’t leave you alone” sections. Two of these appear in the demo, and both of them award you with a Brave or Timid soul (represented by a yellow or blue puddle in your inventory) based on how many orbs you let hit you. This feels rather counterintuitive considering the bullet hell sections, which involve dodging projectiles heading your way as usual.

Fans of Danganronpa and Undertale will recognise the bullet hell mechanics well - you control an icon representing you (a mini silhouette of our spirit here) and do your best to dodge a series of obstacles coming your way. These take the place of turn-based combat in The Outbound Ghost and come between dialogue options that slowly fill the meter at the top of the screen.

The only example of this in the demo is a scene involving helping an Outbound resident through the stages of grief over her death. On each turn, you have the choice of three verbs along the lines of Insult, Console, and Explain to best respond to their current stage.

Common sense usually serves you well here - don’t insult an angry person to reason with them, for example - but the choices being coloured Red, Purple and Green does muddy the waters a little. None of the dialogue exchanged in this segment is actually seen, which does detach you from the impact of your choice, even if there’s only one right answer to progress.

I’ve been keeping things light on plot so far, but I’ll divulge a bit now. After you leave the aforementioned car wreck and head into the town of Outbound, you encounter the local (deceased) teen detective, Michael McFly, who suspects you of murdering the entire town some time ago.

You play as the accused ghost, who conveniently has forgotten everything about themself except their name, which is where you come in. As far as immersion goes, a lot of RPGs go the “amnesiac protagonist that you can name” route, but most offer a canon default name (think Chrono in Chrono Trigger) or easter eggs for certain names, neither of which I could find here. However, the ghost is referred to exclusively with they/them pronouns, so absolutely anyone can put themselves in the spectre’s proverbial shoes.

Outside of regular world traversal and picking up everything not nailed down, there are a couple of other mechanics revealed in the demo that I haven’t mentioned yet.

A couple of times, you’re faced with a locked door or gate and have to collect enough lockpicks to complete a slide puzzle, which involves getting cylinders of metal out of the way of a key so you can push it to the lock. Later puzzles involved tilting a 3D box (officially dubbed the girabox) to fit a square peg into its respective hole, so I imagine the full game will push puzzles even further.

Beyond that, star-shaped pads appear on the ground towards the end of the demo, allowing you to traverse the way back to the town with a spot of platforming. A Cards section can be found on the game’s menu, which will be part of the Spades n Souls minigame in the full game.

Over the course of 30 minutes, the demo introduced me to the majority of characters and possibly locations, but I have the feeling that a lot of the game will be spent fleshing out each of their backstories.

Utterly charming and a sight to behold, The Outbound Ghost is certain to make waves next year, but I do wonder which platform it’ll be at home on. Initially aiming for the Switch and PC, the lower technical capacity of the former and the unsuited control scheme of the latter do suggest that its stretch goals of PS and XBox will be the superior versions. But then, it is being ported to phones too, so hopefully I’ll be proven wrong when it releases.

The Kickstarter has a hair under a day of funding left to go, so jump in now if you want to support the project. Do you think this game will be the answer to the question “Where’s my Paper Mario?” or will the lack of traditional RPG elements alienate fans of the series?

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elowenp · 3 years

Text

Miles can’t stop looking at the sword.

Gavin, the guy who owns the antiques store where Miles works, said that he got it at some car boot sale. When Miles had asked if Gavin got any contact information for the previous owner he had just shrugged and said no because it was ‘probably a fake’.

The sword is not a fake.

Miles isn’t quite sure how he knows that, nothing about the sword or Miles’s slightly vague knowledge of antiquities should inform him of the fact, but he’s certain it’s true. The sword is real and powerful and important. He just can’t figure out why yet.

It’s in a glass case in the centre of the shop although you can barely tell that the glass is there from the number of times Miles has polished it. All in an attempt to see the sword a little more clearly. The metal is shining silver steel, while the handle is well worn and a brassy colour. Twisting patterns cover the cross guard and worm their way up the base of the blade, eventually narrowing into a single line that reaches all the way to the tip of the blade. Whenever Miles focuses too hard on those patterns they seem to move and shift and it makes him dizzy enough that he has to look away.

A part of him worries that if he didn’t look away the patterns really would begin to move.

He’s sat at the till and the shop is empty so he turns his gaze towards the books he keeps behind the counter. He shouldn’t really keep them there, they belong to the shop and should be kept visible where someone might buy them. The problem with that is the fact that Miles knows no one would buy them. He knows it the same way he knows the sword is important and the patterns on it would start to shift if he dared look to long and his older sister is the most important person in the entire world. Miles knows that no one would buy the books if he left them out in the shop because they’re meant for him.

He picks up one of the books. It’s a deceptively thin volume with writing so dense he sometimes has to use a magnifying glass to read it. The pages are wafer thin but surprisingly strong, enough so that when Miles tried to tear one once, just to see if he could, he hadn’t even managed to leave a mark. The content of the book is an eclectic mix of folklore, the occult and religion. The different areas should clash horribly but somehow this book, just like all the others Miles has stashed away, presents it all in such a cohesive manner that it’s hard to remember why the different subjects shouldn’t fit together right.

Just as he’s getting into it the loud rumble of a motorbike engine pulls up outside the shop and he’s broken from his stupor. He looks out the window to see Ariana, his sister, get off her bike and take off her helmet to release a swishing curtain of golden hair.

She walks with an aura of complete confidence that Miles has always admired. The bell over the door dings as she comes in and she grins as she pushes her hair out of her eyes. The movement reveals a multitude of glinting, silver piercings in her ear that for some reason shimmer with the same aura as the sword.

Ariana approaches his desk and Miles shakes himself from his thoughts.

“Your engine’s way too loud.”

Ariana shrugs. “It’s exactly as loud as it should be, you’re just jealous.”

“It makes you sound like you have a small dick.” Miles replies, going back to his book as Ariana lovingly flips him off.

She leans back from his desk and scans across the shop like she does with every room she enters. Miles has never quite figured out why she does that but he supposes it’s just a tic of hers. As soon as Ariana’s eyes alight on the sword she begins to walk towards it, her movements somewhat trance like.

“What’s up with this?” she asks.

Miles looks up at her, not quite sure how to answer. “What do you mean?”

Ariana turns to look at him, squinting. “Don’t you get a weird vibe off it?”

“Huh.” Miles puts his book down and sits up a little straighter. “Yeah, I do. Thought it was just me.”

Ariana just nods. “Can I hold it?”

Miles is meant to say no. The shop is still open. Gavin is just in the back room and could come through to see him fucking about at any moment.

“Sure.” he shrugs.

Ariana grins the way she usually does when Miles does something she approves of. She tends to think he lives his life a little too safe so these moments are few and far between but Miles appreciates them whenever they arrive. Miles gets up from behind the counter, grabbing the key to the cabinet from the hook it’s kept on. As he unlocks the door he realises that he’s leaving smudge marks on the glass and feels a moment of annoyance that they’re going to make it a little harder to keep his eyes fixed on the patterns of the sword later. He takes the sword and hands it very carefully to Ariana. The edges are wicked sharp, a fact he knows from experience.

She grasps the handle and for a moment Miles thinks that the patterns are about to shift. That they’re about to twist and shift and creep up Ariana’s hand the same way they appear to creep up the flat of the blade. There’s a second where Miles thinks his sister’s body is about to become shot through with the silver glint of metal and instead of feeling worried he’s entirely ready to watch the process in fascination.

That’s not what happens. Nothinghappens.

Ariana lets the tip of the sword droop, a mirror of her disappointment. “I thought that something-” She waves her hands in the air, lacking the words to explain what unnatural event she was actually hoping for.

Miles nods. He gets what she means. “Not this time I guess.” Then, despite not having thought of the words before they’re out of his mouth. “It will though, when it has to.”

Ariana looks at him in confusion and Miles imagines that the expression must match his own fairly well. Instead of questioning him though she just looks back to the sword, eyes tracing the patterns that flow over it. “Okay,” she says, and puts the antique gently back in its case.

She sticks around to chat a little after that but heads off when it becomes apparent that the both of them are too distracted to make good conversationalists. Miles notices that as Ariana’s motorbike peels off she keeps the sound of the engine a little quieter than when she came in and he feels a moment of pride over her heading his advice.

Weeks pass.

Ariana keeps visiting Miles at work. Keeps staring at the sword, staying still for longer than he thought she had the patience for, while Miles keeps reading his books full of strangeness and tradition and magic.

On one visit she brings her girlfriend, Grace with her. Miles likes Grace. She’s been around since before Ariana even thought of forming her definitely-not-a-biker-gang. When Ariana introduced the two of them Miles may have gained a small crush on Grace but that quickly faded in the face of how an alliance between the two of them could be used to torment his sister.

“Have you come to see the sword?” Miles asks once the two motorbikes are parked outside and Ariana and Grace are coming through the door. He has an open history textbook in front of him instead of one of his more arcane times this time. It feels like a waste of time to be studying something for his a-levels instead of something he enjoys but needs must and all that.

Grace grins at him, brown skin crinkling mischievously as she raises her hands to do finger quotes. “You have to see the weird sword Grace, it’s weird and I want to have it and I would look so badass killing a dragon with it.”

Miles snickers while Ariana pulls a face of mock betrayal. “Killing dragons? Bit ambitious. Maybe you could kill a lizard or something. A small one.”

Ariana sticks her tongue out like the mature twenty year old she is and walks towards the sword. Miles throws her the keys since she’s come over for this enough times that he’s stopped being nervous about being spotted by Gavin who’s never around anyway.

Ariana unlocks the door and holds the sword carefully in her hands for a moment before passing it to Grace who takes it gamely.

“Huh,” Grace says once it’s in her hands, eyes fixed on the ever shifting patterns of the blade. “Y’know, it kind of is weird.”

“I told you,” Ariana crows triumphantly as Miles rolls his eyes and turns back towards his textbook. Ariana and Grace pass the sword between them for a little longer, commenting on the patterns and feeling the warmth of the metal in their hands. They get bored of this fairly quickly and begin to mime out some sword fights which Miles has to put a stop to as apparently his great seventeen years of life experience make him the most mature person in the room.

At least Grace looks slightly sheepish as she hands the sword back.

“You’re coming over for dinner on Sunday, right?” Miles asks as some sort of peace offering.

Grace grins. “’Course I am. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The three of them smile the kinds of smiles at each other that require a near lifetime of knowing and loving to summon up.

It’s a shame that everything goes to shit before they can make it to Sunday dinner.

Ariana does not panic. Ariana is a born leader full of charisma and certainty and a sly cunning that no one ever seems to expect from her. She does not panic.

“Shit shit shit shit!” Gabe yells from the bike next to her, just loud enough to be heard over the wind, and Ariana wonders if a bit of panicking might be in order.

The monster behind them, made of shadows and starlight and darkness, is gaining. Their bikes can only go so fast and apparently eldritch abominations go faster. Ariana thinks faster though.

She sticks an arm out to signal where they should turn, not confident that everyone will be able to hear her voice over the rushing wind and thunder of engines. She’s been utterly certain of the path she’s been leading the others on but it’s only now that she realises that she’s taking them to the antique store. She’s taking them to the sword.

She’s also leading the monster in the direction of her little brother. But she’ll deal with the moral implications of that at a later date.

They twist and turn though narrow streets, taking every shortcut they can. Even despite how hidden their route is, Ariana is struck by the thought that they should have seen someone by now. The sun only went down, what, half an hour ago? The streetlights have barely turned on but she hasn’t spotted a single person since the abomination started chasing them.

For a moment she wonders if Miles will even be there when they get to the antiques store.

No, she thinks, No he’ll be there.

And since when has Ariana’s little brother let her down?

They screech up to the curb and Ariana is reminded slightly hysterically of all the times when Miles told her that making her engine sound so loud was annoying. None of them bother with kickstands, letting motorbikes that all of them have put a lot of work into crash to the pavement. The sound is barely audible over the crushing, crunching, roaring the creature behind them makes as it moves but Ariana still sees some of her friends wince at the noise.

Miles must have heard the commotion coming towards him because he’s stood there holding the door open as the group of them run from their fallen steeds to the shop. Ariana breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of her brother even as fear rises in her gut over what might be about to happen to him.

Gabe gets in there first, he’s always been the fastest. Then Lance, then Grace. The rest of them follow quickly with Ariana taking up the rear so no one gets left behind.

The moment she’s in the door slams behind her. Penny and Lance, the strongest of the group, are the ones who hold it closed. Ariana turns to see the rest of the group staring slack-jawed either at each other or at the monster which has backed up in order to take a run up towards the door.

The rest of the group, with the exception of Miles.

“Miles, give me the key.” Ariana instructs.

He should know that that’s what he’s meant to do. Miles always seem to know what he’s meant to do a little better than anyone else and Ariana needs the sword. But instead of giving her the key to the glass case Miles is flicking through the strange books he keeps behind the counter faster than Ariana’s eyes can follow.

“Miles, the key,” she insists. Then when no response is imminent, “Fuck this.” She walks over to the sword’s case and shatters the glass with her elbow. When she grabs the sword it feels warm and right in her hands. The patterns appear to shift and swirl and morph more desperately than ever before and Ariana thinks that they must be mere moments from attaining the right shape.

Before she can turn to face the monster, Miles has vaulted over the desk and is right in front of the door with an open book in his hand. “It’s not ready yet.” he calls back to Ariana. “We need a few more minutes.”

“We don’t have a few more minutes.” Ariana grits out, tightening her grip on the sword.

“We will.” Miles says and cuts himself on a knife Ariana’s pretty sure he pick-pocketed from Lance.

Ariana’s pretty sure that Lance is about to make a move to stop her insane little brother but remembers just in time that it’s his job to keep the door closed. The monster is going to be crashing into it in the next three seconds so it’s probably a good thing that he does. Beside him and Penny, Miles is using the blood of his cut to scrawl weird symbols into the door frame, muttering words that Ariana doesn’t recognise under his breath.

He takes a step back the moment before the monster hits the door and for one shining instant Ariana hears the sigils sing.

The creature hits the door and glass that should have shattered holds firm, the magic Ariana now realises is reinforcing it gleaming in the hazy brightness the streetlights offer. It’s impossible. It’s wonderful.

“Nice one.” she chokes out towards Miles, a relieved grin on his face.

“Everyone get some of their blood on the sword.” Miles instructs as he stands, back straight and a level of confidence to him that Ariana isn’t sure she’s seen before. “It’s the only way this works.”

Ariana was expecting Grace to step forward first but Gabe manages to beat her to it, lowering himself to one knee with a grin on his face and exposing some of the skin of his shoulder once he’s in front of Ariana.

“Knight me!” he cries, loud and brazen and not entirely joking.

Ariana smiles in return and touches the sword to his shoulder. The blade sinks into his skin with barely any effort on her part at all. Once Gabe’s blood has touched the sword Ariana moves on to the next person. She wishes that she could linger on every one of her friends but Ariana is far to pragmatic for such things.

Everyone kneels in front of her. Grace and Lance and Kay and Ben and Penny. She touches her sword to the shoulders of every one of her closest friends and watches their blood sink into the metal. After a couple of people she realises that the blood is rising again along the patterns nearer the hilt, highlighting them in red. Eventually she gets to Miles.

“I’m not kneeling to my sister.”

“Smart,” Ariana replies with a smile. “I might kick you.”

“Go for my hand. Just above the first cut.”

Miles holds his hand out and Ariana rests the sword where he directed her. It sinks into Miles’s flesh just like it did everyone else’s. The patterns on the sword take on a sheen similar to whatever had lit up the door when magic had been all that was holding it closed.

“You have to do it as well.” Miles says once the sword has taken his blood. “We’re all equals here.”

He says it like it’s a joke but Ariana can’t imagine why he wouldn’t be entirely serious about such a thing.

“Grace?” she asks, because she wants everything to put her on the same level as her friends, “Would you do the honours?”

Grace smiles and takes the sword, grip on it firm and gentle and strong. Ariana kneels to her, thinking hard about how much she loves the woman in front of her, how much she loves everyone in the room. Grace touches the sword to Ariana’s shoulder and it burns.

Ariana pushes the pain to the furthest reaches of her mind and stands to take the sword back. All the blood that’s been offered to it now flows in rivulets through the patterns, bright and shining. As Ariana looks at the sword she realises that the patterns have finished shifting but there isn’t enough time for her to inspect their shape properly.

“What next?” she asks Miles, since although she doesn’t like to cede authority to someone else, particularly her little brother, for some reason they will definitely be discussing later he seems to have a better idea of what’s going on than anyone else in the room.

Miles shrugs rather unhelpfully. “I don’t know. Where we go from here is up to you.”

Distantly Ariana thinks that the words are meant to fill her with some sort of foreboding. That the pressure of seven lives that aren’t hers on her shoulders should be too great a burden for most twenty-year-olds to bear. Instead it just feels right. Like the weight is resting exactly where it should be.

“Okay.” she says, allowing the authority she normally tries to tone down take full control of her voice, “Here’s the plan.”

The plan is to hit it. Really hard.

“Is anyone else not loving this?” Miles asks uncertainly as everyone gets ready to rush the creature with whatever weapons they’ve managed to scrounge up. “I am very much not loving this.”

“You’ve already agreed to bow to my far superior judgement, so quit complaining and figure out whatever magic you can use to hit it.” Ariana calls back to him

Lance claps Miles on the shoulder. “There, there.” he grins, “Ariana hasn’t got any of us killed yet.”

Miles groans louder and Ariana gets ready to tear the door down.

“On three I’m charging.” she calls loudly. “Everyone ready?”

A shout of “Yes,” echoes through the room. Even Miles partakes in it.

Ariana takes a breath.

“One.” she shouts. Lance readies his stance a little, the wooden pole he’d found steady in his grip.

“Two.” Grace shifts slightly. The switchblade in her hands glinting in the dim light of the shop.

“Three.”

Miles makes a gesture as if cutting through the air and the glimmer that had covered the door disappears. Along with the door. The creature is so surprised at the sudden lack of resistance that it stumbles. Stutters.

They charge and edge of Lance’s pole reaches it first, pinning the creature to one of the shop’s walls. Grace gets there next, or at least her blade does. She throws her knife towards the mass of creature that had been reaching towards the pole to tear it out. The glinting silver of the knife disappears into the monster’s blinding darkness and the rumbling, crowing, crying noise the creature makes rises to deafening volumes as it flinches.

With all that distracting the thing, it isn’t so difficult for Ariana to drive her sword deep, deep into the centre of the mass of shadow and light and wrongness.

Red light arcs through the monster like lightning. It flashes from its insides in a fireworks display of destruction until the creature crashes. Shatters.

Ariana is splattered with the remains of the first thing she’s ever killed.

“Holy shit.” Kay whispers, the old metal bedpan she’d been holding like a baseball bat drooping slightly.

“Yeah.” Penny agrees. She isn’t holding anything and Ariana wonders if she’d just been planning to punch the monster into submission. “Holy shit.”

Everyone stands in stunned silence at their victory for a moment. Then Miles walks slowly forwards and pulls the bloodied sword from the remains of the creature where Ariana had dropped it. He bows down, the movement only seeming to be half-joking, and holds the sword out in his hands for Ariana to take.

“My liege,” he says, and something in his tone isn’t quite right. It’s sarcastic, sure, but it isn’t quite as sarcastic is it’s meant to be.

It’s then, looking down at the sword in her brother’s hands, that Ariana realises that now the swirling patterns are still you can just about make out that they spell the word ‘Excalibur’.

“Wait, what the fuck?”

#writing #my original stuff #original work #loving the fact that i wrote this with zero knowledge of arthurian mythology #arthurian mythology #arthurian retelling #i'm really hoping that this was clear but ariana=arthur and miles=merlin #long post

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lokischocolatefountain · 4 years

Text

Kitten from Hell versus God

Pairing: Loki x OFC

Rating: General

Word count: 2.6K

Summary: A kitten from hell tricks Loki's girlfriend into loving it and worse, getting a pet of their own.

Part I, Part II

A/N: I saw this video of Loki being delighted by a corgi and couldn't resist...

The creature mewled as she played with it, rolling around on the floor just to earn her amused cooing and awwing. The little shit was desperate for attention and Loki stared it down with contempt from behind the newspaper he was pretending to read. She help up a stick that had a string with feathers attached at the bottom. The kitten lifted its paws up as an attempt to catch it, but was too stupid and lacking in reflexes to succeed. Its display of its helplessness elicited more cooing from her. He glared at the kitten from hell, but it stuck his tongue out at him before blinking innocently at his woman. He rolled his eyes at its reprehensible behaviour and looked away from the pair who were too in love with each other to space him any attention.

Loki had never held as much hatred for such a little thing ever before. He usually hated to see Steven Rogers, but now he was checking the clock every five seconds like a doting wife awaiting the return of her husband from the battlefield. Steven and his boyfriend James Barnes had found the infernal creature in the rubbles after bringing down a hydra base. It lured them into adopting it with its pitiful eyes and soft meows, just like it has enticed his partner into giving it all her precious attention. The men, unfortunately, had been called in to deal with an emergency at the facility. So, his woman volunteered herself to take care of their kitten until they arrived home.

He checked the clock again. They still had three hours until they would be relieved of their care taking duties.

“Loki?”

“Yes, dear?”

“You can conjure anything with your magic, right?”

“You know I can. What would you like?”

“A ball of yarn.”

“Are you an old woman? Would you like a pair of knitting needles with it?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“What are you going to do, knit a sweater for the pathetic creature? Is that what it has hypnotised you into doing next?”

“I don’t know how to knit. But, I might learn just to knit this baby a sweater. Won’t you look adorable in a sweater, baby boy? And some socks to protect your toe beans.” There it was again, the low pitched voice she used to talk to the kitten as though it was a human offspring.

“Could you conjure up a laser pointer along with that?”

He furrowed his eyebrows at the strange request. What was she hoping to accomplish with the objects? He was glad that she wanted to do something other than waste all her energy on the kitten. So, he focused his magic on making the objects she desired and in just a few seconds, he had a laser pointer and a ball of red yarn in his hands. “What would you need the two for?”

“Just watch,” she said, refusing to answer the questing and left the kitten’s side to fetch the items from him. Without sparing him a glance, she left him for the kitten and gave it the ball of yarn to play with. The creature rolled the yarn between it two paws, delighted in itself for having hoodwinked a fine woman to being its slave. He huffed loudly and returned to reading the newspaper, as boring as it was, to keep him from being further enraged. The creature would be gone within a few hours and he would never have to think about it again. It was not worthy of him picking a fight with her and souring their entire day.

Time went by and it had managed to foolishly tangle itself in the yarn. She pitied it and untangled its tiny body, freeing it from its woollen confines. The idiot had not seemed to have learned anything from its traumatic experience with the yarn and immediately grasped it again, but was pulled away by her. The laser pen was the next to come out and Loki peeped at them from being the newspaper again, curious about what she was going to do.

She turned the laser pointer on and focused it away from the yarn, immediately attracting the the kitten’s attention with the red light. It stopped wriggling in her arms and looked at the light with curiosity. She let it be free from her arms and the kitten ran towards the wall to catch the red dot. It jumped up to touch it, but was confused as the dot was now on its paw, not underneath it on the wall. She moved it again, now to the floor, and it followed to capture the taunting dot, but was again unsuccessful as she moved it away from its clutches. Now, this was fun… Better than giving it a ball of yarn to wrap around itself…

“You are torturing a poor, helpless creature with an illusion.”

“Torture? Chill, I’m just playing with him. He likes it!” He!? Since when had the kitten graduated from it to he?

“No, it has mistaken the dot for prey and hence worthy of hunting and consuming.”

“I don’t get why you suddenly care so much,” she said, still moving the laser pointer around to entertain the cat. This was it. It was over. His love had been lost forever to a four legged creature and he might never have her back again. Before he could dissolve into a puddle of self-pity, the doorbell rang. He sat up straight and rushed to the door, praying to the Norns that it was the couple who owned the cat. Sure enough, it was them. He opened the door and they stepped in, looking quite tired from the day of work.

The men greeted the two of them and inquired about the creature’s behaviour. Uninterested in picking a fight and in a hurry to get them out, he spun lies about how well behaved their animal was. He added colourful words and waxed poetic about the magnificence of the creature in a way he had never spoken of anyone- not even his beloved.

She offered to make the men dinner, but the two declined graciously before they left with their kitten.

A week later, Loki was forced to realise that he had been lulled into a false sense of security about the effect the kitten had on his girlfriend. He believed it all to be over. Since that dreadful day, she hadn’t even seen the kitten- who had now been given the name ‘Fuzzy von Fluffykins’- as the men had found a sitter for it. But, Fluffykins’ spell hadn’t vanished as was evident from her words.

He put down the book on World War II and looked up at her, doubting whether he heard her right. “You wish to have a familiar?”

“No, that’s not- I’m not a witch, Loki. I’m getting a pet.”

“A pet? A familiar, I understand. But, a pet? That would just be a useless creature. It would hang around you apartment and do nothing all day long.”

“Just like you, then,” she snapped at him, stuffing her purse in her larger purse. She could fit her entire apartment in that thing. A least he had his pocket dimension for storage.

“I do the dishes!”

“You order the staff to do the dishes, Loki. You don’t even go near the sink.”

“I get it done. What do you expect me to do, wash them myself? I am a Prince.”

“Spoilt prince,” she muttered as she prepared to leave.

He was annoyed that she would want to have some little animal around in the apartment they lived in together. He saw no point in them owning an animal. It was purchased only by parents who wanted to teach their children the bitter truth about mortality. And to fill a person shaped void in one’s heart. Was his companionship not adequate for her? Was he so dull that she sought an animal companion to charm her?

In a flash of jealousy, he followed her out of their apartment, determined to influence her decision. If she was to introduce a new member into their shared space, he would at least ensure that it was worthy of them.

“I am accompanying you.”

“I can’t stop you, can I?”

______________________________________________

They arrived at an animal shelter and Loki had been unsuccessful so far in talking her out of it. He listed every disadvantage he knew on pet ownership. She had perfectly refuted every single one of them. He had used every weapon in his arsenal and was now clueless as to how he would stop her. So, he just followed her into the shelter.

They were greeted by a scraggly, over-enthusiastic teenager when they entered. His voice was as annoying as Fluffykins’ mewls if not worse. Controlling his urge to insult him, he just followed his girlfriend around as she stroked a rabbit who was merrily munching away on lettuce in its cage.

“When I was seven, my cousin had a rabbit just like this one.” She helped it out by moving the lettuce in the corner of the cage closer to its mouth. It paid her little attention before it went to town on the lettuce as though it had been starved for days. Even bilgesnipes did not eat so quickly. “But, I was not allowed to play with Bun-Bun. I’m very close to adopting this one just to rub it in her face.”

“I was not aware you had a cousin named Bun-Bun.”

“I couldn’t have been more clearly referring to the rabbit, babe. The cousin was Karen.”

His nose crinkled in disgust at the thought of that woman. He had the misfortune of meeting her at the last family Chistmas dinner and had to keep from throwing her out of the window. “Karen? Oh, she is dreadful. The two of you are so different, I can hardly believe the two of you are related.”

“You are Thor are related and nothing alike.”

“I was adopted.”

She rolled her eyes at him and went back to petting the Bun-Bun celebrity look-alike. “Anyway, she was dreadful even back then. She didn’t let me play with her rabbit because she knew how much I wanted a pet.”

“You could have gotten your own rabbit instead.”

“No, my parents thought they were useless.”

“Because they are, my dear.”

“Oh, piss off. I couldn’t get a dog either because my dad was allergic. And cats were a huge no because my mom was a dog person who strongly believed cats were evil.”

“Correct, again.”

“Everyone I knew had a pet, but I could never have one. I told myself I would get one after I moved out. But, when I started college, I realised I couldn’t even raise myself, let alone another life. Then, I got recruited by SHIELD and became too busy even for myself. So, it has always been a distant dream. With my promotion, however, I have more free time and I am grown enough to be responsible for one.”

His heart melted as he imagined his girlfriend, little and jealous of her mean cousin who had a rabbit. He imagined her in pigtails as he saw her in an old family picture on her parents’ fireplace mantle, dimpled cheeks and pouty lips. He did not want to ruin her longtime dream of having a pet just because he was a little annoyed of a kitten from hell. Sure, the creature they adopt would steal away a fraction of the attention she gave him, but it was worth it if her wishes were fulfilled. It would be unfair and cowardly of him to eliminate competition altogether, just like monopolies prevalent in capitalism. He would not stoop as low as Amazon of all things. So, he gave up his pursuit and stayed quiet as she stopped by every pet from hamsters to lizards. What was even the point of them!? Doesn’t matter. She wanted one and he would help her out with it.

He walked along the dog enclosures and observed each one, trying to identify the species they belonged to. So far, he had seen Golden Retrievers (who were like his brother in form and behaviour), German Shepherds, Pitbulls, French bulldogs, Rottweilers, and even learned of a new kind called Chihuahua. Its size was inversely proportional to the rage it contained. He never stopped too long to observe any of them, but that changed when he saw a short one with unusually shaped ears.

When he asked the employee about it, he was informed that she was a Corgi, a breed favoured by the monarch of United Kingdom.

He stood knelt down in front of the cage and observed the Corgi as she played with a toy. She spun around in her position, attracting and sustaining his attention. It seemed that she had taken a liking to him. Noticing this, another employee at the store opened her cage. The puppy enthusiastically leaped out and into his arms, barking at him and showing him how wonderful she was at playing with a ball. She quickly climbed off his lap and ran in circles around him. He had to turn his head rapidly from one position to the other just to keep up with her movements. Her tail was inconspicuously small and she had the cutest little butt!

Oh, what a joy she was!

Loki couldn’t recall the last time he smiled so much over something as trivial as this.

She fell over in front of him and showed him her belly, asking to be pet. He pet her belly, bring both the puppy and himself a lot of joy. He was so distracted that he didn’t even notice his girlfriend standing by him, observing them with a huge smile on her face.

“Having fun?” She asked, snapping a picture of him as he looked at her phone.

“No, just biding time,” he said as he quickly rose from the floor, embarrassed to be found in such a position. He laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck as he thought of a way to escape being teased.

“Loki, do you like the Corgi?”

She had an endearing smile on her face, very similar to the one Fluffykins inspired in her.

“Yes, she is quite adorable and terribly fluffy. Not as much as the rabbit by the entrance. We could get the rabbit, invite Karen for dinner. I’ll cook,” he offered, already a little dejected that he would never see the Corgi ever again. “Not the rabbit. I will cook food. Food that doesn’t include a rabbit,” he quickly added.

The creature had already begun pawing his shoes for attention and it took every ounce of his will power to not bend down and lift her up and into his arms. He would not let his few minutes of infatuation with a puppy overshadow her decades of desire for a pet.

“Yeah, it was very clear that you weren’t going to cook the rabbit, Lokes.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I said that.”

She gasped and dramatically clutched her chest. “Wow, that’s the second time. You usually don’t use contractions. You love the Corgi so much that your mouth is out of control.”

“It slipped!”

“Aww, baby. Lets get the Corgi. She’s so cute and you’re so cute with her.”

“Really? But what about getting a rabbit and rubbing it in Karen’s face?”

“Oh, screw her,” she said dismissively. “I really wanted a pet and both of us like this one,” she said looking down at the puppy with her sparkling joyous eyes. He finally bent down to pick up the Corgi, filled with joy as she barked. When she kissed him, his lips were stretched out in a wide grin and couldn’t even kiss her back properly. She left God and puppy behind to take care of paperwork as the two played with each other, overjoyed to have found love in the other.

Part II

#loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki x ofc #loki x reader #loki fic #Kitten from Hell versus God #loki laufeyson x reader #jealous loki #loki is a good boyfriend #loki loves corgis #Loki gets a pet #loki fluff

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hello--mrs · 5 years

Text

Steven Universe Podcast: Battle of Heart and Mind

I don’t usually do this but I said I would for the server, so here we are.

This episode included Rebecca Sugar, Kat Morris, Joe Johnston, Matt Burnett, Ben Levin, and Ian Jones-Quartey.

· The episode starts with the rainbow worm in Steven’s dream, who is voiced by Deedee. This is the last homage to the princess references in the arc. The worm is from the Kyanite colony and was brought to Homeworld by Pink, which Blue allowed, but then Pink released all worms in the ballroom. Rebecca mentions this links with Pink’s desire to be free by releasing animals from their colonies.

· This specific princess reference was to Jasmine (in Aladdin) opening the cage and allowing the birds to fly free. It was also a reference to Pink’s love of animals and wanting to set them free, which isn’t out of character for Steven either.

· For Diamond Days, they picked the most common princess tropes for Steven’s time on Homeworld and made this experience alienating for him.

· Rebecca states that the Diamonds are meant to exist as a body- the inspiration for the ship. Pink is the Id, Blue and Yellow are the Ego, and White is the Super Ego. This is represented in Change Your Mind where the collective mind experiences embarrassment when the Id demands they enjoy something.

· Kat admits that they came up with the new outfits by continuously emailing each other with ideas. Rebecca said they considered everything but there were some concepts that they really wanted, for example, Rainbow 2.0 would have a scarf and a jacket. It was important either way that the fusions would notably have Steven’s clothes and the gems. However, the fusions would hint at the new forms and Pearl didn’t end up having a scarf, but she did have the jacket. Later, McKenzie asked if the jacket was a throwback to Bad Pearl and Rebecca confirmed that it represented her independence.

· One of Garnet’s new designs included transparent glasses and Peridot’s glasses in the shape of a star. Kat came up with the idea for the shredded shorts and star pockets for Amethyst.

· All of the new outfits represent how the gems have changed and learned from Steven.

· Rebecca mentioned that Pearl has been ‘playing the field’ and ‘exploring who she is’, which started in Last One Out of Beach City.

· Lapis has gold accents on her new outfit to match the real-life gem stone. Kat said that Rebecca really wanted the sandals for Lapis and it makes for comfortable cosplay.

· Joe said that he enjoyed a lot of Garnet’s new designs. Most ideas were based off superheroes and had a more ‘knightly’ aspect.

· They confirmed that they tried Peridot’s new design with star hair but it was too much. Rebecca said that the glasses already change her silhouette and expose her gem more.

· Peridot also has boots this time. Before, she had socks because she used to wear limb enhancers.

· Mary Poppins and Bert were the inspiration for Rainbow 2.0. These concepts were made by Joe around 2-3 years ago. Sunstone was a newer concept.

· Rebecca said that all Garnet fusions can break the fourth wall, but with Steven, it would break it to give advice to children. The suction cups are also a combination of Steven’s shield and Garnet’s gauntlets. When creating Sunstone, Rebecca wanted her to look like a toy that you could stick in the back window of a car with suction cups.

· Alistair James auditioned for Rainbow 2.0 by doing an impression of his grandmother with a British accent. Rebecca said that Shoniqua was perfect and she knew immediately that she wanted her for Sunstone. She sounded exactly like how Miki Brewster pitched her.

· For Obsidian, they’d had her concept from the very beginning since she was shown as the temple. It was a hidden in sight visual that would eventually pay off.

· Obsidian’s sword is in the ocean, which is a part of the temple. It’s first seen in Bubble Buddies and seen again in Ocean Gem when the ocean is cleared. The sword design changed over time to ensure that all the Crystal Gem’s weapons could fit into the design.

· The earliest inspiration for White Diamond is traced back to the beginning of the show. She was inspired by the film ‘A Story of Menstruation’, which was made in 1946. It was a film by Disney played in schools to teach children what to expect in menstruation, and the narrator’s voice was a kindly older woman. Rebecca said that she found the designs really interesting and cute.

· From the film, the inspiration came from a scene where a woman cried into her arms but in the reflection of her mirror, she straightens up and starts smiling before going out dancing. The narrator says: “Don’t forget that people are around you and you’ll have to be more pleasant if you want people to like you”. The scene passes by and it ignores that fact that the woman was crying earlier, because she’s now seen being ‘correct’. This is the voice and the feeling that she went for with White Diamond and Homeworld.

· Homeworld is inspired by Busby Berkeley, and White is inspired by Hedy Lamarr in Ziegfeld Girl and Nell Brinkley drawings, all within an era where women were seen as beautiful pieces of furniture. Rebecca states: Women are like lamps, smiling and there, part of the scenery. It all originates from the idea that people thought it was lovely and seen as an escape from reality.

· Those early inspirations were also used for the wall gems- the idea that people are in the background as if turned to stone and function solely as architecture. These faces we see in the architecture are gems and that’s their function.

· White has always been associated as a mother, especially in terms of her storyline with Steven in this arc, and how gems are viewed as her children. This arc wanted to begin to explore her relationship with them.

· Rebecca says that White’s way of thinking is that she is everyone and everyone is her. She considers herself the default white light that passes through other gems, so when she sees gems absorb other colours from that light, she considers it a variation of her but lesser. In that way, she has no identity at all because she considers herself just light. She feels that people can be turned into her because they are all the same.

· Rebecca also stated that White is wrong about how she views the world and herself. It’s an antithesis to Rose’s journey- expression and repression. She lives in a delusion that everything is fine but it isn’t.

· Matt and Ben said that the whole episode was balanced by ensuring that every single character got their moment. It was an accumulation of ideas from over the years that they tried to fit into one episode, such as Amethyst greeting Jasper after she was uncorrupted. They felt they did everything they wanted to do before they left.

· All past episodes, especially for Diamond Days, were made to build up to the scene with White and Steven where she pulled out his gem. Mirror Gem is the first time they introduce the concept that a sentient gem can be trapped inside an object and that object is Steven. They’ve been planting hints that Pink may be trapped inside him ever since.

· From the beginning, they’ve wanted there to be doubt that Steven was his own person and have the audience question if Pink/Rose could still be alive. Even when the gem was pulled out, they still wanted the viewer to doubt if he was Steven. They planted enough hints that the viewer would think it could go either way.

· Between the crew, the hottest debates were about the storyline between Steven and Rose/Pink, about who Steven would be if they were separated. One of the most recent arguments was about Steven’s gem self and the fact he was devoid of any feeling, that there was none at all. That emotion came from Steven.

· Rebecca had planned the split perspective scene since the start of development and storyboarded it early in the process. It’s still from Steven’s point of view. Ian noted that if the show wasn’t completely from his perspective, it wouldn’t work. The split perspective was to also represent how torn and disoriented Steven was in that moment.

· Pink Steven is him as a default. If you take away his personality and emotion, he is empty. He’s been separated from his humanity and all that’s left is power. There have been nods to this in the past by showing how his power is greater because of his humanity and his capacity to love.

· Ian said that Rebecca has always had the idea of the final confrontation being about Steven’s relationship with his powers and that connection showing who he really is. Steven wants that human side of him, even if it slows him down, because it’s what makes him who he is.

· The scene of Steven returning to himself was originally written for episode 10. It was going to be a part of Giant Woman where they establish fusion.

· Rebecca confirms that James Baxter animated the scene where Steven reunites with Pink Steven. She met him by doing a drawing for his daughter’s birthday.

· The fusion sequence with the two Stevens was the ultimate princess trope- a rotating dancing scene specifically boarded by James Baxter. He completed the whole sequence himself apart from the inking.

· Ian mentioned that he wanted the uncorrupted gems scene for a long time. He said they always knew the arc would come back to the corrupted gems as that was the original conflict of the series, but now they finally get to see it through.

· On top of that, Ian went through every single episode that had a corrupted gem and designed their healed versions, while Rebecca added some of the quartz designs. He mentioned that the longer they were in their ‘monster’ form, the more they will look like that form, even when they’re healed. That’s why several of the healed gems look more like their original designs.

· Rebecca added that Ian helped with the fusion designs and their sequence, as that was a wishlist moment for him. He wanted Steven to fuse with all the gems in a row.

· Ian said that he had been most excited about Rainbow 2.0 and that Colin Howard had done most of the groundwork already.

· Rainbow is they/them and he/him, and Sunstone is they/them and she/her.

· Rainbow 2.0 is mixed with Pearl’s properness and Steven’s penchant for making jokes. Rainbow 2.0 loves to make puns and is a throwback to Steven’s puns in the earlier series. In the episode, Ian also came up with the idea that RQ 2.0 could ride their umbrella and have a rainbow shoot out of the end- a reference to Pearl being able to shoot lasers out of her spear.

· With Sunstone and Rainbow 2.0, they wanted to be able to show common traits in Sardonyx. The break in the fourth wall comes from Garnet, but loving to hear themselves talk comes from Pearl. Steven enables the both of them to embrace their silly sides.

· The ship foot falling on them was a slight reference to Monty Python but also a reference to the giant foot mentioned in Arcade Mania.

· Rebecca stated that the song Change Your Mind was not written for the show, but a personal song she wrote while fighting for the wedding arc. She was hesitant at first to include it.

· Change Your Mind isn’t for the end of the Steven Universe franchise but for this arc, Ian mentions. He adds that even though it was written for the process of including the wedding, it perfectly captures the theme of the show. As a coming of age story, Rebecca notes that this is something that had to happen for Steven to start making decisions for himself.

· Rebecca also admits it has been hard to write for Steven because he always puts others before himself. It’s always about what others want and what he thinks they want. However, he finally comes to a realisation in this arc that he doesn’t have to be anyone else other than himself or pamper to other’s expectations.

· Ian states that this arc was incredibly important for Steven’s development, in terms of who he is, who he thinks he is, and who others believe him to be. Moving forward, everything will be different from Steven’s perspective. There’s going to be more but it will have changed, because Steven has changed.

If I’ve missed anything out, let me know. Hope you guys enjoy!

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: Emmy

Writing Blog URL(s): @pastelsicheng

What fandom(s) do you write for?: NCT

Age: 19

Nationality: Canadian

Languages: fluent-ish in English, French, Urdu, Hindi, Pujarati, Punjabi, Arabic (listed in order from languages I can speak/read/write in, to languages I can't write/read/speak but can understand)

Star Sign: Aries

MBTI: INFP-T

Favorite color: I like most colours but I always just say purple

Favorite food: Khow Suey. Idk how to describe it in English but it’s like noodles that you mix with like thick yellow curry and chicken tarkari, and you can put fried onions on top and what I call samosa crumbs (basically the crunchy dough you use for samosas, it’s like the dough fried alone and you just crush it and put it on top), and I add a bit of ketchup too cause its noodles and it's so good

Favorite ice cream flavor: Cookies and cream, or just basic french vanilla

Favorite animal: I love most of them hahah but I will say elephants

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?: Coffee most likely but I love tea more

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Open my own cafe

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?: Control time

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?: No thank you I don't want to live through this again

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?: 100 chicken-sized horses because I heard chickens eat people so uhhh no thanks

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?: The overachieving nerd/student council president. That’s literally what I was

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?: Yes. Aliens and ghosts and demons, they’re all real. Not fairies and vampires and werewolves tho.

Do you have a role model? If so, who?: There’s definitely people I look up to and try to learn from for various things, but I don’t think I have like one solid role model

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?: I used to be a tomboy when I was a kid, and probably still am deep inside

When did you post your first piece?

January 2020

Why did you start writing on Tumblr?

I found it easier to gain feedback and find an audience of readers on Tumblr, plus the site was just easier for me to navigate compared to like Wattpad

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

I write anything I feel like writing, and am open to trying new stuff. I just won’t write smut. I don’t feel comfortable writing or reading it

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?

I write x readers

Who is your favorite person to write about?

I don’t have a favourite person, mainly because I pick people based on who I think would fit a certain concept best. I guess my favourite would be y/n LOL because y/n is in every fic and I put myself into their character.

What inspires you to write?

I just like writing. I get a lot of ideas of stuff I want to write, and as a kid I wanted to be an author, but that obviously isn’t happening anytime soon so I just write fanfics. They’re easier to write because characters are already developed for you, and they don’t have a word limit to how long and short they need to be compared to actual OC fics

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

Anything that relates to normal people, I enjoy writing. I like to insert my own experiences and thoughts in my stories so I write scenarios that I can imagine myself in or things I’ve experienced already, stuff like that

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?

I just want them to enjoy what I write. I’d like for my fics to be memorable, but idk if they are lol

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?

I just don’t write. It’s bad but I don’t want to write something that I don’t like so I don’t force myself to write when I don’t feel like it. If it takes me months to get out of that rough spot, then oh well. I don’t want to force myself to do anything that would make me hate writing, since it's one of the only few hobbies of mine.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?

Most successful is murder replay. My favourite is an unreleased fic that I’m still working on. It’s pretty self-indulgent, and I talk about internal conflict with sexuality and not knowing what you really want, alongside being insecure and having mental illnesses. It’s angsty but it’s one of my favourites because of how much of myself I’ve poured into it

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?

It’s the same. Aside from the character being a real life person, fanfiction is the exact same as prose because it’s completely original ideas and thoughts, completely original sentences, and in general just the exact same as original prose. There’s like no difference.

What do you think makes a good story?

A writer who enjoys what they’re doing. It doesn’t matter your skill level or your language skills, or whatever. If you are passionate about what you write, then it will be evident in the story, and it will be a great story. There’s other things like the story idea and genre, but that’s all dependent on the reader. What I think makes a good story is different from what someone else thinks makes a good story. But in general, it’s the author that makes it good. You can tell if the writer really liked what they were doing, or if they were just writing for the sake of throwing words on a document and then calling it a day.

What is your writing process like?

Get an idea. Make a doc with that idea. Either immediately try and develop details, or leave the idea as is for months, maybe years. After developing the details, write the beginning of the fic, a few scenes I really liked, and then call it a day and never open the document for a few months again lol. Then I wait until I’m in the mood to write for that specific fic, and then I will write as much as I can. Finishing fics is a struggle, I’ve yet to finish my longer ones lol. I have a terrible writing process. The only way I really finish is if I already told my followers i will post it and theyre all waiting for it. Then I feel bad leaving people hanging and so it motivates me to finish. But yeah once I actually finish it, I throw it into grammarly and some other editors, fix stuff up, and publish.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?

Doubt it. Once I’m done with a fic, I’m done. I don’t really want to go back and change anything. Even the longer fics that I love, I get sick of them and so I just dont want to touch them once they're done.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

I’m a huge sucker for childhood best friends to lovers lol. I have gushed about this on my blog a few times. Just the fact that you know someone for that long, and even been through arguments and times of not talking to each other, just to still come back to each other, thats real love even if its platonic. I’m just a sucker for that stuff. I also really enjoy anything that I, as a normal person, can relate to so high school AUs, college AUs, platonic AUs, anything real life based. There’s no tropes that I can’t stand, just tropes I don’t find interest in or don’t read much.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?

Depends on how long i took to write the fic. If it’s a short piece ranging between a few hundred words to maybe a couple thousand words then I don’t really care much because chances are I didn’t take long to write it. My pieces that are longer than 5k, I care about because those are usually the ones more close to my heart, and the ones I spent way more time than necessary working on. Even just one reader telling me they enjoyed my story makes my day

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)?

I know murder replay which is my current biggest story blew up, and I feel like part of it was because of the frequent updating I did. I kept a schedule and made sure to stick with it, even changing parts of the story to fit feedback from readers. Consistency was definitely key, and also engaging with readers. Replying to all their reblogs even if it was just tags they added, constantly expressing how grateful I am, stuff like that because it makes people feel that they’re validated as well. And I guess the general idea/trope of the fic was interesting to people too

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?

Yeah lol. It’s definitely something I hide from everyone I know in real life because I dont want to be looked down on.

Do you think art can be a medium for change?

Yes!! Art defies boundaries set by language, especially visual art. Stories are a good way to express things to people who don’t understand why something is the way it is, it’s literally what has been done by humans since the start of time. We pass down stories explaining things.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?

Yeah, sometimes when I felt really burnt out, I felt I had to post an update or something just so that my followers got what they kinda signed up for when they followed me. It was partially just the pressure I put onto myself I guess because my followers are always supportive and understanding when I say I cant post an update. I’d also say in general there’s a part of me that wants to write for others too. I would be lying if I said I only write for myself because that’s not true. The whole reason I write and post is because I want some reader interaction and feedback, and if I truly did only write for myself I wouldn’t be posting.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?

Not yet! And I hope I don’t have to experience that lol

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

Nope. No one does. It’s something I wanna keep to myself. Even some of my other internet friends don’t know.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?

I purposely send a bunch of messages because I feel bad leaving people on read so I just keep sending hearts and stuff to express my love but also just so that you can end the convo when you feel like.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?

Go for it! It might be scary to get criticism, but I promise there are way more nice people on Tumblr than there are mean people. In fact I haven’t even interacted or met with a mean anon or person on here yet. Also the only way to really start is to go for it. I get anxious too every time I post something, even now, and honestly its just a feeling ya know. Its just chemicals in your body. So don’t stress, and if you always need someone to boost your ego and promote your work you have me!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?

Nope

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey?

The memorable ones are Mimu, Nini, Gwen, Philo, and Krystal who were supportive of murder replay. Also sunflower anon and peace sign anon, and recently Jo has been really supportive.

Pick a quote to end your interview with

“...the universe is basically like a machine. I don’t know who made it, if it was the Fates, or the gods, or capital-G God, or whatever. But it chugs along the way it’s supposed to most of the time. Sure, little pieces break and stuff goes haywire once in a while, but mostly . . . things happen for a reason.” Leo Valdez in The House of Hades (so technically Riordan lol)

BONUS: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

Interested in your very own episode of The Sunny Show? Find out how to apply here.

#@pastelsicheng #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 19 #nct

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funkymbtifiction · 4 years

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Si-dom/sensing types

SUBMITTED by sharly85

Hi, I really enjoy your blog and it’s especially helped revive my interest in mbti recently and now enneagram too. This isn’t really a question but I thought I’d submit it regardless. Anyway, I saw your post the other day where you mentioned that it was really hard to grasp Se and Si since a lot of the books are written by Ns. So as an ISFJ, I just wondered if I could help and give at least one person’s first-hand Si perspective. Obviously I can’t speak for all S users, least of all Se users, and my other functions will play a role in how I use it, but I thought it might change how you see Si a bit :) Also, I’ve been recently trying to learn about enneagram and I think I’m a 6w5 with sp but I’m not 100% sure (ironic I know) but that might be worth considering in your interpretation of my description. Si>Fe>Ti>Ne So the base descriptions of S and Si in general always talk about how S’s rely on using their 5 senses to take in information. Whilst this is true, I personally think there’s a lot more to it than that. When it comes to learning and revising for an exam, I would definitely say that I use a lot of strategies that relate to my senses. For example, I make a lot of posters, write in a range of coloured pens, and can still remember a song about mitosis I haven’t listened to in about 4 years. But for me, the more important thing I found out about Si (I can’t remember where from unfortunately) was that information is taken in through your own series of biases. This doesn’t mean that I have a refusal to see or hear some thing I don’t agree with, but it means that what I remember has to have struck a chord with me in some way. Being a feeling type, this usually means it has to emotionally impact me in one way or another (although not exclusively), but it is a lot easier for me to remember it if I was emotionally impacted by it, or equally, if I know I will be negatively impacted later if I don’t remember it. That being said, as I am an ISFJ, the Si-Ti loop can very much allow me to remember things that don’t emotionally impact me, if I can logically organise them in my brain. I like to think of the Si-Ti loop as a filling system in my brain. Si takes in information, and Ti then tries to categorise and organise that information for memory recall. When I want to recall something, I go to the folder for that category and then have access to all the previous things I have categorised in there. I think there are stereotypes that a lot of ISFJs are not very smart, and NTs are the smart ones for example, but because of the Si-Ti loop, I have always had incredible memory allowing me to be in the top 10% of the class. But as I mentioned earlier, as whatever Si chooses to take in has to go through a series of personal biases, if an Si user is not interested in academic learning, then they would struggle to remember the information because it doesn’t impact them. I enjoyed learning and succeeding academically, so I was invested in learning and hence had reason to remember. And because of my functions, I was able to do this with pretty good success. Another key thing that S’s are described as is being detail-orientated. I think some N’s can believe that they care about details but I really don’t know if they realise the extent to which an S can be detail-orientated. To put it into perspective, I was recently helping proof read my partner’s essay (he’s a suspected INTJ but came out as Ixxx when I got him to take tests) but I was starting to frustrate him because I noticed every single double space in the document. I really don’t think that most N’s would actually notice this level of detail in something. Because of this level of detail-orientation, it can become very easy to become quite perfectionist, especially for a repeated task that I have completed “perfectly” before. Once I have noticed a detail, I can’t ignore it. It starts to stand out like a neon sign, eating away at me. It doesn’t matter if no one else notices, I’ve noticed it, and so if it’s something I’ve noticed and don’t like, I have to change it/fix it. The same applies to me with having a piece of rubbish fall out of my pocket. I don’t think a lot of N’s would realise the rubbish fell out, and some people (S or N) may not care. But you can be damn sure that I will be chasing that down the street because I know it’s there now. But this detail orientation can definitely cause me to be unable to see the wood for the trees sometimes. I can become absorbed by even a single detail and can find it very hard to take a step back and look at the bigger picture when this happens. So I often need an external source to help pull me out of this tunnel-vision. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have proof-read this and made minor changes or spotted typos but, it’s a lot. Detail orientation can be in any aspect of the S’s life, and doesn’t just have to be with regard to work. For SFs it can often be with regard to the people they care about. I recall you mentioning something in another post recently about this, but an N can have an uncanny guess about what someone is thinking or feeling without being able to explain how they got to that conclusion. In contrast, as an SF, if I want to know how someone is feeling, I pick up on tiny facial expressions, body language and speech patterns that I’ve seen before to understand. Because of this, it makes my ability to do so more accurate the better I know someone, but as most humans have similar overall facial expressions, it is a relatively transferable skill even to people I don’t know well. I think as a good general distinguisher between an S and an N is that if the person in question can explain their process into a conclusion, they are likely to be an S, even if the conclusion is wrong (e.g. “you have your sad face on”). If they can’t explain at all their mental process and can somehow still get it right, they are probably an N (e.g. “you just seemed upset”). I think one of the “party tricks” other types (particularly Ns) see me do is remember where an object is. I largely attribute this to growing up with my mother (probably ENFJ) who was very forgetful when it came to small objects. She’d walk in, drop her keys somewhere (but it would never be dropped in the same place twice) and then less than 5 minutes later she would have no clue where they are. But because I’m both a helper type and detail orientated, I can be very good at noticing where things are. In my own home, it is even easier for me because whilst nothing is perfectly tidy, everything has a place it should be (I presume this is SJ combination), and so for me I can almost ignore the background of what usually lives there to find the out of place object. In a house where I don’t have as much control over where things go it can be harder, but I will still probably notice your keys or your phone partially sticking out from under a coat that was thrown on a chair or something, especially if I know the object has significance. I.e. I know that you need your keys to leave the house and you will become stressed if you can’t find them, so it will reduce the disturbance of harmony (Fe) if I can recall where the object is and shortcut the process. But, that means that when I lose something, I can very easily catastrophise the scenario (Inf Ne) and think it’s lost forever because I would know where it was and it’s not there (some times it is still where I think it should be, but as the panic sets in, my Ne takes over worrying about the fact I’ve lost it, preventing good perceptive skills at actually seeing it). As I’ve eluded to, for an Si particularly, environment is a big factor. Introverts already struggle with overstimulating environments as is, but for an Si-dom, I am particularly sensitive to an environment. I often find myself somewhat like a meerkat when I’m in a new place, even if the new place is just a new room in a building I know. I will spend a lot of time looking around trying to notice things around me and basically memorise it, should I need to reference it later. Likewise, if I am walking out and about, I often find myself looking all over, noticing how the light shines through the trees, the pretty coloured flowers in someone’s front garden or the sound of the birds tweeting. So I am always aware of my environment no matter where it is. Once I have some familiarity with a place, it makes it much more comfortable for me to spend time there, because I don’t need to activate the “meerkat-mode” and look around constantly - I already know the environment (Si-Ti memory). But, that means that I will sure as hell notice if something has significantly changed in a place between me being there previously (as I mentioned earlier, once I have the background established, any changes become much more obvious to me). Equally, if the environment I am in is overstimulating, it can be really uncomfortable to be in because I am constantly surveying the environment and can’t focus on whatever it was I was supposed to be doing in that place. I find it really challenging especially as an introvert to be in a loud crowded place because there’s too much to take in, and being an introvert especially with Si and Ti, I find it much easier to process thoughts in a quieter space. So I often end up taking a step back in group conversations in busy environments because I have to put all my energy into focusing on listening to try and minimise over-stimulation. Another major aspect of Si for me is learning through hands on experience. I think you mentioned recently that S’s are typically the ones who will become world experts in one thing whereas N’s are better at becoming Jack of all trades, and I think that can be true for some but N’s ability to pull abstract pieces of information together can also help N’s in academia in a way that S’s can’t. But the way that an S gets to that point is through hands on experience. Every time I do something that I want to be able to do, I will unconsciously remember, and will also more consciously remember any mistakes I made doing so. Then the next time I do it, I will be ever so slightly better at it, using what worked previously and avoiding what didn’t. But repeat this process as many times as I do it, until somehow I know exactly what to do every single time with very little variation[. For me this is particularly true with fine-motor skills and a few really obscure skills. The one example that springs to mind is I was with an ENFP and an INFJ and the ENFP told us about a tongue twister she wanted us to try: “Tesco, Tesco Metro, Tesco Extra, Tesco Express” (I’m British so Tesco is a supermarket chain and those are the different types of stores they have). But the ENFP told us to try saying it like 5 times in a row quickly. The first few times, I was ok at it, but I was either way too slow, or I stumbled on the words if I went faster. But after each time I tried the tongue twister, I got better until I was able to say it the best out of all of us. It was like watching evolution in front of you, and this was only across the space of 10-15 minutes. Whist I can’t say for sure, this is why I reckon that some STs get really good at being things like mechanics. It’s hands on so they learn well every time they have to fix a car, but equally they probably pick up on subtle noises or visual cues to figure out what’s wrong with a car. Each time they do, they subconsciously remember something about the car and then remember the outcome so that next time they don’t have to figure it out and they can shortcut the process.

I think the need for routine that a lot of S’s feel (particularly SJs) also comes from this idea of hands on learning and basing everything you do on experience. When an SJ has figured out that some combination of events works, they don’t want to let it go because an alternate method might not work (it might work, but poor N functions means that it can difficult for an S to accurately predict). At a previous job, I used to walk to work every day, and I reckon if you were able to track every foot step I took to work every day and overlay them, they would almost be identical with an identical overall path. There were other places I could have crossed the road (and there’s no jaywalking in the UK so I could cross a road anywhere I want) but I didn’t. I could have walked on the other side of the road just coz, but I didn’t. I had decided that this was the optimal route, so that was the route I took. No need to consider other routes because this works and I know it does, so why change it? A routine that has been established and is known to work and requires a lot less mental energy for an S(J) than trying to figure out what will happen if you do something else, so it makes their life easier. Because of this, when something comes up that requires me to disrupt my personal routine, I will automatically feel negative about it, even if I will enjoy the thing or know what to expect from the thing. It disrupts my routine which normally makes me feel happy and comfortable so I already have to put more effort into thinking about the event than if it didn’t. Traditions go along the same lines. SJs feel comfortable with traditions because they are essentially oddly specific routines that come into play when certain conditions are met. The SJ can predict what will happen when the conditions are met because it has previously been established, and they like that predictability. I think the last thing I think is really important for S’s is being in touch with your body, especially for Si’s. A lot of N’s seem to constantly be confused when something isn’t quite right with their body and they don’t seem to be very good at putting two and two together about it e.g. I ate fast food all day and then had a full bar of chocolate and now I have an upset stomach, or another classic one is when N’s say they feel really tired but when you talk to them, you find out they have forgotten to eat for the last 6 hours. For me, whilst I’m not a doctor so I can’t diagnose what’s wrong, I feel like I am a lot more aware of it. To put it into perspective, I once knew that I would vomit over an hour before I actually did. When I say as an Si user that I am in tune with my body, I mean it. To me it is a disturbance to my internal homeostatic environment, so some thing being off is a big deal. But as such, it impacts me a lot more in my day to day life. I can’t focus on work if I’m hungry because I am so aware of it. Whereas N’s can probably focus until they pass out if some thing has caught their interest. The combination for me of knowing how my body feels and liking routine was repeatedly able to bamboozle the ENFP and INFJ I mentioned before, when I brought essentially the same lunch to work every day. To them, they couldn’t see how I could enjoy repeatedly eating the same thing. But for me, I knew it satisfied me for the rest of the day but not so much that was uncomfortable, was relatively healthy and cheap and the repetition was soothing rather than boring. The ENFP was particularly bad at judging the right amount of food she needed or wanted but didn’t have the same ability to learn from her mistakes and find a formula that did. She just brought something new each day and hoped for the best - something very odd to me. Sorry that this ended up being so long. I just didn’t want to miss any details out (pun intended). Feel free to use any of this that you need in any way. Even if you don’t use it in a post, I hope it helps your own understanding for typing people etc. :)

ENFP Mod: Thanks! I enjoyed reading it, and am posting it, since it may help others understand Si-dom better. :)

#question #mbti #istj #isfj #introverted sensing #submission

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hedwigstalons · 4 years

Text

The Tracy Prize - part 19

A boring afternoon at work led to the creation of Claire, the rather grumpy and tech-phobic chemist. I never expected the little fic she spawned to run to over 25k words. I may also dig her out in future as there were other scenes that didn’t really fit this story.

Thank you to everyone that came along for the ride. Each like, reblog and comment was very much appreciated. @willow-salix thank you for digging me out of several plot holes. And thanks to @gumnut-logic for opening the door and welcoming me in to this fandom, I probably wouldn’t have attempting writing Virg if it wasn’t you.

So now…the final part.

Here are the earlier parts for those that want to go back to the beginning: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18

xoxoxox

Claire sat on a bench in the locker room near the hangers, wrestling with a rust coloured boot. After a determined tug her foot popped around the bend in the heel and she was able to close the seals around her calf.

The synthetic fuel had been cleared for field testing. She knew Virgil was already in the cockpit of Thunderbird Two, waiting for her to suit up. She didn’t want to keep him waiting. She was looking forward to spending some time with the engineer.

She wondered how her life had managed to take such a surprising change in direction. Just a few short months ago International Rescue was just a name that appeared in news reports. Anonymous heroes who swooped to the rescue. Now it meant a houseful of people who risked their lives on a daily basis to help whoever made the call. People that she was proud to call her friends. Her thoughts lingered on one particular operative that she wished was more than just a friend.

As she adjusted the prototype uniform she reflected on exactly how this particular development had come about.

It had been a difficult day for all of them. One of those days when the tension in the villa thrummed like an over tightened guitar string. One of those rare days when Scott had announced he was out of his depth and called for outside assistance over the comms. He had made an error and needed help dealing with the fallout, both literally and figuratively. It had fallen to Claire to guide him through the process of decontamination from the material that coated himself and his body cam, obscuring Claire’s view of the tools and substances at his disposal. That coating had turned out to be lithium hydride, a tricky substance that had the tendency to spontaneously ignite in humid air. It was a tense time as she talked the First Responder through the clean up procedures, all the while hoping he wasn’t about to catch fire.

When Scott had finally made it home some 20 hours later he looked distinctly older than when he had set out. He had announced that perhaps there would be times when it would be useful to take the chemist out in the field to try and avoid these situations occurring in the first place. Claire had been inclined to agree with him; if Scott had paused and consulted her before charging into the factory he would never have got coated in the volatile substance in the first place.

What followed was a whirlwind of sketches, concept design and finally the prototype uniform.

A uniform that was currently highlighting its flaws and would definitely need a redesign.

She would gladly have gone on the test flight in her usual clothes but Scott has insisted that, since she had a uniform, she should wear it when going off-island on International Rescue business.

Claire gave up trying to get the zip on her back done up. She picked up the helmet and rebreather kit that turned her uniform into a grade two certified hazmat suit and headed towards the hangers.

xoxoxox

Virgil looked up from his pre-flight systems checks as Claire entered the cockpit. Technically he could have taken this test flight alone but he thought the chemist ought to get the chance to experience the result of her hard work first hand.

If he was being completely honest he found himself seeking out opportunities to spend time alone with Claire. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind. Claire was dedicated to her work. She seemed to enjoy his company but had given no indications that she was interested in him being anything more than a friend. She was a professional to the core.

“I hope we won’t be needing those” he said, indicating the helmet and rebreather in her hands.

“You and me both, but Scott said to keep all the parts to hand.”

Virgil knew the sense in that. You never knew what could happen when out on a mission and it paid to be prepared. His own helmet was close at hand.

“So how does it feel? Does everything fit?”

His eyes raked up and down the petite form, currently clad in the ruddy tones that marked her out as one half of International Rescue’s scientific division. Of course it fitted perfectly. The full body scans taken as part of her medical had ensured that the garment was perfectly sculpted to her form.

He forced his eyes back to her face, hoping she hadn’t noticed his lingering gaze.

“Well the material is a little stiff. I think the polymer coating is reducing its flexibility. It also takes far too long to get on. The biggest problem though is this.”

She spun around revealing the triangle of bare flesh at the top of her back.

“If the main fastening stays at the back I’m going to have to get changed into uniform en-route so one of you others can buddy check my seals. I just can’t reach it right. Please can you finish doing me up?”

Virgil felt a lump form in his throat.

Claire held her ponytail out of the way so Virgil could finish closing the zip without snagging her hair. A firm hand then ran slowly up her spine from base to neck, sealing shut the protective flap that covered the zip. Claire’s body tingled in response. Her mind wandered, imagining those same strong hands reversing the action later and freeing her from her uniform. She gave herself a mental shake. This was Virgil. A colleague. It was…inappropriate.

Virgil returned to the pilot’s seat while Claire took the co-pilot’s side that was normally occupied by Gordon.

This would be her first time being piloted by Virgil but not her first time flying in Thunderbird Two. That first trip was tainted with bad memories. Her first flight had been spent in worried silence. Gordon at the controls. Virgil in the med bay, out cold from the dart she had been responsible for shooting. She was still haunted by visions of Virgil crashing to the floor of the conference centre, the dart stuck in his chest.

The atmosphere in the cockpit today was excited rather then worried, but still serious.

The ability to control the Thunderbirds remotely meant that several test ignitions had been trailed but this would be the first true flight using the new fuel. The chance to test if reality lived up to expectations.

Virgil opened the comms link to both island control and Thunderbird Five.

“Pre-flight checks complete. Everything responding as expected. Thunderbird Two is ready for take off.”

“I’ll be keeping a running watch on your systems readouts and I’ll keep comms open,” John responded, his hologram floating above the control console. “Stick to you pre-programmed route I’ve sent you. I’ve alerted the GDF that you are on manoeuvres so we can expect a call from Aunt Val later.”

“Why are the GDF involved?” Claire asked.

“Just common courtesy. We give the GDF a rough flight plan and they alert any military operational in the area. It saves any cases of mistaken identity. We don’t want Two shot down again.” John replied.

Claire looked alarmed.

“That only happened the once, Johnny.” Virgil had still never truly forgiven the US Navy for crippling his beautiful ‘bird.

“Yeah, well that was once too many.”

Scott’s voice cut in. “If you two have quite finished…”

The rock wall disguising the hangar entrance lowered as Scott activated the mechanism from inside the villa.

Virgil taxied his Thunderbird out on to the launch pad. The pad tilted upwards and the view from the cockpit changed from one of sea to one of sky.

Virgil directed power towards the thrusters.

An intense roar filled the cockpit. Vibrations built up in intensity. The mighty craft slid forwards and took to the skies.

“Thunderbird Two is go.”

xoxoxox

Virgil concentrated intently on the flight. He had spent so many hours flying Thunderbird Two that he was fully attuned to her quirks and moods. He felt each difference in response and behaviour without the need to check the instruments for confirmation. The engine pitch was slightly lower. The vibrations slightly stronger. He tried a few turns and altitude adjustments and was pleased to see that Two responded just as well as before.

It was time to test her for speed.

Virgil eased the throttle forwards. Scott’s voice came over the comms, reading out their velocity in increments.

“6,000 kilometres per hour.”

“6,500 kilometres per hour.”

“7,000 kilometres per hour. Approaching previous top speed.”

Virgil continued to push the throttle. He could feel that Two had more to give.

“8,000 kilometres per hour.”

“9,000 kilometres per hour.”

As each increment was read out the tone became excited.

“10,000 kilometres per hour.”

Claire looked across at Virgil. A huge grin was plastered across his face at the raw power under his control. It was as if Two was singing to him. She hummed as he pushed the throttle to the maximum.

“!0,200 kilometre per hour” he whooped. “Maximum throttle reached. Easing off now and returning to base.”

“FAB Virgil. See you back home soon.”

The pure delight Virgil was experiencing was evident. He practically bounced as he guided the craft back over the Pacific Ocean. Their island home was soon visible again.

Virgil switched to VTOLs and brought them in to land.

xoxoxox

The two occupants of the cockpit grinned at each other, their eyes shining. They were buoyed by the thrill of success.

Harnesses were released.

Claire found herself enveloped in one of Virgil’s bear hugs. The air nearly crushed out of her body by his exuberance, her body held firmly against his chest. She found herself returning the hug, wrapping her arms around his waist, burying herself in those powerful muscles.

“You did it! You actually did it!”

Virgil was still riding the high of emotion. Claire’s feet lifted off the floor in the engineer’s delight. When she was placed back down she felt a kiss planted on the top of her head.

The pair of them both stilled and stiffened as the action registered.

Claire looked up to meet warm brown eyes that looked ashamed, scared…hopeful?

Virgil cursed his lack of self-control. In that one unguarded moment he had risked everything. Claire had changed a lot since coming to the island but she could still be prickly on occasion. Her flares of temper were becoming less frequent; there was more laughter, more enjoyment in being part of a team, but she had never invited him to cross this line.

Virgil braced himself for the backlash.

The backlash never came.

Their eyes remained locked. Neither let go of the other. Arms continued to encircle bodies pressed close together.

Claire found herself sinking into those chestnut depths.

Lips tentatively met, at first hesitant with the fear of rejection, then pressed more firmly as each explored the object of their secret desires. Neither wanted to that moment to end. Blue pressed against rust, the colour the only way of distinguishing the entwined bodies.

When they finally broke apart, eyes bright and cheeks flushed, Claire reflected that she might not have got the research grant but she had surely won the greatest Tracy prize of all.

-FIN-

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #scott tracy #virgil tracy #john tracy #gordon tracy #alan tracy #kayo #brains

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