#i want people to feel heard and seen and i want people to see a new way of looking at things
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Little Miss Sunshine | JTK
Amidst a night of high emotion, one single confession turns your whole world upside down, making you realize that you had a certain someone misunderstood all along.
Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader
Word count: 26k (oops)
Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, fingering (f!receiving), oral (f&m receiving), (sort of) face fucking, cum play, rough sex, also sweet sex, katoptronophilia (mirror sex), mentions/phrases pertaining to free use kink, dom/sub, possessiveness, praise, degradation, name calling, impact play, biting, sir kink, mentions of masturbation (f&m), multiple orgasm (m&f), simultaneous orgasm, overstimulation, begging, lots of dirty talk, lots of making out, dry humping, angst, unrequited feelings, feelings of not being good enough/rejection, overthinking, emotional talks, asshole Jake, drunk confessions, arguing, awkward small talk/conversations, fighting, non-sexual name calling, fluff, drinking, smoking, swearing, crying, sorry if i miss any!
heard you guys wanted some grumpy x sunshine love (this is also kind of bordering enemies to lovers) 🤔 also, this picture is EXACTLY what I picture Jake as in this fic. I was gonna wait to post but I was too excited to work on some other stuff coming very soon 😉. I hope you guys enjoy! As always, be kind and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🤍 (very lightly edited)
“And then I said to him, try that shit around here, and you’ll see how it works out for you.” The tall blonde man spoke, his tone grating and growing more annoying by the second. He had an irritating smile on his lips as he continued trying his best to impress you with another, mind-numbing story.
“Right,” you nodded, swirling your straw around your drink, trying to sound more interested than you actually were. As you tried to think of something to say, you sucked a sharp breath in through your teeth, letting your eyes dart around the room in search of a familiar face. “I’m sure he kept to himself after that.” You finally replied, trying to up the ante and lessen the impact of your monotone response.
“Yeah, I love messing with the new guys at work. Always keeps them on their toes.” He said, taking a sip of his beer as he looked over your face. As he lowered the bottle from his lips, he seemed to lean even closer than he already was, making you force yourself backwards.
You had no idea how you found yourself in the situation, stuck in conversation with a mediocre man about his mediocre job (which you still weren’t quite sure what it even was) and desperate to find a quick way out. You had come to the stupid party for one reason, and so far, you hadn’t seen him once, despite it being hosted at his own house. As you scanned the crowd for the millionth time, you found yourself growing more impatient than you already were. Your foot tapped against the ground as you checked your watch, wondering if you were already in too deep or if you could slide out the front door without being noticed.
Then, a wave of relief washed over you as you caught sight of a familiar head of brown hair. You threw back the last of your drink, placing the empty cup on the table as you scrambled to refill it with the premixed bottle you brought in your bag. You fumbled with the cap you’d screwed on too tight while listening to the man across from you ramble about an office staff party he’d attended last week, eventually prying it from the top of the juice jug after a moment's struggle. You tipped it forward, filling the solo cup and snatching it off the table after you shoved the jug back in your bag.
You had never seen your best friend's house so full; people were crowding the hallways, nearly standing on top of each other as they tried to force their way into the rooms overflowing with bodies. The music was astonishingly loud, and you definitely weren’t drunk enough to enjoy it yet. Worse than that, you barely recognized a single face in the crowd, and you were desperate to find someone you knew.
“Anyway, it was nice getting to know you, Johnny. I see Sam over there, so I better go say hi.” You forced a blinding smile, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder as you tried to map out the best way around him.
“J-Johnny?” He asked, confusion written all over his face. “My name is Jimmy.” He corrected, his ego bruised at your lack of interest in him.
“Oh, shit.” You swallowed back an awkward laugh, biting down on the inside of your lip as you shuffled to the side. “Jimmy, Johnny… same thing, really. See you around?” You offered, knowing there was no way you would ever allow yourself to be alone with him again, unless you spent days sleepless and were desperate to find something that would lull your mind and force your eyes shut.
You didn’t wait for a response, instead pushing through the crowd as quickly as possible so you didn’t lose sight of your target. With your drink clenched tightly to your chest, you fought your way through the swarm of bodies that seemed keen on blocking the doorway. You extended your arm outward, your fingers brushing over the thin material of Sam’s long sleeved shirt as you grabbed onto his shoulder. His head whipped around, wondering who was touching him and why they were in such a panic to catch his attention. When his eyes landed on you, a blinding smile lit up his face.
“Hey, I was looking for you! Didn’t think you’d make it, Knockout.” He stopped in his tracks, completely changing course and turning towards you. He took a step in your direction, extending his arms outwards and engulfing you in a hug. You breathed a sigh of relief, letting the scent of his familiar cologne wrap you in an embrace warmer than the one his arms provided.
“I’m the guest of honor, ‘course I made it.” You rolled your eyes, pulling away from him slightly. “And I told you to stop calling me that.”
“You’re always the guest of honor at my house.” He grinned, letting his hand linger over your back as he looked over your face. You noticed right off the bat that he reeked of alcohol. His eyes were glazed over, soft and dark as his expression spoke loudly of all you needed to know. He was hammered, and you were very late to the party. “And I think knockout is fitting. A ten who will knock me on my ass if I say the wrong thing.”
“I’d like to be equated to more than a ‘ten’ with a bad temper.” You laughed, slouching down slightly as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
“I wouldn’t call it a bad temper… more or less a ‘fuck around and find out’ type of person.” He explained further, pulling you tightly into his side as he began to weave through the crowd.
“Yeah, I guess that fits.” You hummed an agreement, happy that you were safely by his side so you no longer had to wander aimlessly and get caught in conversation with people you didn’t know.
“It’s way more crowded than I thought it would be.” Sam noted, talking loud enough so you could hear him over the boom of voices and music.
“Yeah, I certainly wasn’t expecting this.” You laughed, honest about your feelings on the matter. When he invited you, he failed to mention that he invited the entire city of Nashville to the party alongside you.
“Yeah, guess I overestimated the size of the place.” He chuckled. “We’re hanging out downstairs, less crowded and a bit more comfortable.” He said, leading you around the corner to the stairwell. There were a few people standing in the way of the stairs, but they dispersed pretty quickly when they realized the two of you were trying to make your way through.
Sam was your best friend, and had been for years. You met not long after he moved to the city, when you were still in college and keen to the party lifestyle. Through mutual friends, you found yourself sitting in front of him at an album release party for a band that no longer existed, sharing your sentiments about the mediocre music and your love of tequila. From there, the two of you formed a fast friendship, finding you had more in common than a knack for drinking and appreciation for music. You weren’t expecting such a strong relationship to come from a drunken night orchestrated by friends who couldn’t have cared less about you, but you were incredibly grateful that you decided to go.
Since then, you and Sam did nearly everything together when he wasn’t gone on tour. Once you graduated, you found that you lost contact with most people from your university days, but it never seemed to bother you, because Sam was always around to do that, instead. When you were holed up in your house, working from your laptop and too busy to go anywhere, Sam sat beside you, commenting on anything and everything that came to mind. You guys frequented the bars around town, and got lunch when your schedules permitted. Oftentimes, you found yourself dozing off on his couch after a movie night with no intent of staying the night and waking up the next morning with a blanket over you and a pillow under your head.
He was the best friend you’d ever had, and you were thankful for his love every single day. You loved him so much that you couldn’t even refuse his invitations to parties where you knew nobody but him and his brothers, and most times you were glad you went, just so you had another memory to share with him. That night was no different; he was throwing a party just for the sake of it, inviting friends he’d made in the industry and drinking for the sake of being drunk. When he asked you to come, you gave a hesitant reply, knowing that you were bound to be awkwardly standing amongst a swarm of strangers. Within a few days, he’d convinced you it was alright, and eventually you gave in.
That afternoon, you spent an extra amount of time making yourself look nice. You went out the day before and got your hair touched up, and you even bought a new dress. You were feeling a little down, finding yourself in quite the romantic draught that worsened your loneliness as time went on. When you expressed such feelings to Sam, he seemed to make it a point to set you up with some of his company and promised that tonight would end the embarrassingly long bout of involuntary abstinence. Although you were nervous about his choice of company for you, you opened yourself up to the idea, knowing that you wouldn’t have much luck on your own.
It wasn’t that you were deliberately choosing to abstain from dating, but you were having a particularly hard time finding anyone who met your standards and more importantly, your needs. You were growing sick and tired of modern dating, and despised dating apps and all that came along with them. You weren’t in search of a hookup, and you weren’t looking for marriage tomorrow. You wanted someone who you could have fun with, to get to know without it being overwhelming and too much too fast. You wanted someone suitable for your mid-twenties; exciting, compatible, and loyal. Unfortunately, that seemed to be quite hard to come by.
You knew you had a lot to offer. You were kind, funny, and sometimes too nice for your own good. At the same time, you didn’t put up with any bullshit, which made it incredibly hard to open yourself up to someone. You could easily tell when someone only wanted sex, and people like Johnny (or Jimmy; whatever the hell his name was) made it abundantly clear. His lack of self-awareness and his commitment to getting closer to you despite there being no invitation to do so turned you off of him from the minute he began to speak.
On the other hand, because of your guard being up, oftentimes you read a little too much into the situation and ruined things before they could even begin. You were at an impasse, and such a large one that you enlisted Sam’s help to find you a suitor. You were an overly nice person who’d been burned too many times, and you were (as some would say) picky. You barely trusted his judgment, but you figured that you would at least try and open yourself up to his ideas, because you certainly weren’t getting anywhere by yourself.
“You know, I figured that tonight might be a good night for you and Jake to get to know each other.” Sam stated, nearing the bottom of the stairs.
“Jake?” You asked, confused as you followed behind him. You pulled down the skirt of your tight fitting dress, carefully stepping down on the cool wooden floor as you passed the bottom step. “Like, your brother who’s barely given me any inclination that he knows I exist?” You asked, bewildered that Sam would even suggest that. “And when he does, he looks like he’d rather be with anyone else rather than with me?”
“Oh, come on. That’s not true.” Sam chuckled, turning back to face you now that you were on solid ground. The basement was much less crowded than the upstairs, just like Sam had told you. It was nice, allowing you to actually sort out your thoughts before your head was pulled into another direction.
“It is so!” You laughed, taking his response with a grain of salt. You didn’t have complete certainty that Jake felt that way about you, but he definitely didn’t make it a point to try and be friendly. “I get along so well with Josh and Danny, and then there’s him. He never talks to me, and he basically ignores me when I speak first. When he does answer, it’s like, one or two words, and never any kind of emotion. I don’t think he likes me, and that’s fine, but I definitely don’t think we should ‘get to know each other’.”
“The other day you guys talked about the weather!” Sam argued his point, only making you roll your eyes.
“Yeah, the weather, Sam. You know, like the most basic of small talk that exists?”
“He seemed really passionate about the sun.” Sam shrugged, reaching out and placing a hand on your back. “Just give it a shot. You never know, right?”
“Sam, if that’s who you’re trying to set me up with, you’ve officially gone insane.” You muttered, letting him guide you towards the group of people huddled by his large arrangement instruments.
“Not insane, and I mean it, Y/N. I think you guys would really get along if you got past the weather. It’s not that you don’t like each other, you’ve just never tried that hard, and neither has he.”
“Yeah, because I’m pretty sure he hates me!” You whisper-shouted, nearing the chattering crowd.
“That’s a strong word,” Sam said, clearly trying to put an end to the argument. “Besides, I already asked him to talk to you tonight, so I guess there’s no real way out of it.” He shrugged, a sly smile forming on his lips as he began to walk away from you.
“Sam!” You exploded, reaching forward and grabbing his hand to hold him in place. “Why would you do that? Now he’s going to feel pressured into talking to me!”
“Listen, Y/N.” he sighed, his lips still holding a ghost of a smile. “Jake won’t feel pressured into talking to you. If he really doesn’t want to, he won’t. Jake does not hate you, and Jake knows you exist. He’s just not the most outgoing. Once he’s out of his shell, I promise you’ll understand what I mean.” You could tell that Sam was genuine in his response, much different to the lighthearted jokes that he spewed prior. You didn’t want to be the bad guy and tell him that you thought his brother was an asshole, so instead you shifted uncomfortably under his strong gaze and gave a single nod of your head.
If Sam wanted you to try so bad, you would, but only because Sam was your best friend.
In truth, it wasn’t like you never thought of Jake in that way. In fact, you thought about it more often than you cared to admit, but you would have been caught dead before confessing it aloud. Most of the fantasies of Jake were contained within your bedroom walls, in the late hours of the night and earliest hours of the morning, and it had little to do with conversing with him and certainly not anything romantic.
Jake was attractive, and that was undeniable; he drew attention from the crowd the minute he walked in the room, and eyes never strayed from him until the moment he walked out. His long hair and his beautiful brown eyes made for a deadly combination, and the slight rasp to his tone when he spoke low and slow sent a rush of emotion straight to the pit of your stomach. The pinkness of his lips, especially when they glistened after his tongue ran over the bottom one, was delicious, and you were all but ignorant to that. He did not talk often, not nearly as much as his company, but when he did, it was always worth listening to, whether it was a joke or something insightful.
Jake's physical appearance had little to do with your apprehensions. If anything, it made you more willing to try out what Sam was asking of you. Although he’d never been outright mean to you, Jake had solidified his impression in your mind over the years; curt, dry, and a little judgemental. His micro expressions that seemed to go unnoticed by everyone else spoke louder than words to you, and he never seemed like he wanted to interact with you at all. He sat on the opposite side of the room from you, avoided your group-pointed topics and questions, avoided being alone with you at all costs, and got out of every one on one conversation with you as fast as he could.
Oftentimes you felt like he was watching you, studying you so he could find something he didn’t like, so then he could be crude and unapologetic about it. His eyes always seemed to land on you as the nights dragged on, and the drunker he got, the more often he stared, but he never spoke. If he wasn’t so attractive, his actions may have been more off putting than curious to you, but even if you felt like he hated you, you definitely didn’t mind his attention being on you.
He was more gruff than Sam and Josh combined, and his resting expression was not the most inviting. He joked with his brothers, but not you directly. Although, whenever he said something to gain a laugh, his eyes always flickered to you, as if he was looking to see if you thought he was funny, too. He was a mystery, but not one you wanted to solve. Every interaction with him led you to believe he was not a fan of you, and every time you tried to analyze it, you only ever found yourself believing it ran even deeper than that.
Still, he was fucking hot, and you hated yourself for being so attracted to someone who couldn’t care less about you.
You followed behind Sam, your cheeks red as you bargained with your embarrassment over the situation. What did Sam actually say to Jake? Was it as innocent as he framed it, or did it go beyond the minimal information he gave you? You weren’t sure you wanted to know, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to speak to Jake at all. In your years of friendship with Sam and the hundreds of times you had been around him, he had never been nice, and you were fairly certain he wouldn’t start now.
You wanted to believe Sam’s explanation of Jake, that he was just a tough nut to crack and you had never been fully committed to knowing him, but it just didn’t seem to check out. You were sure by now, Jake would have shown some idea that he didn’t mind you, or at least that he didn’t hate you, but there was nothing.
Well, except for one small little thing, but it was so long ago that you were sure he’d long forgotten about it.
“Woah, sorry!” Jake exclaimed as the door swung itself open. He took a step back, recoiling from the scene as if he’d just walked in on something explicit and was trying to avoid the awkwardness.
“No, it’s okay.” You muttered, closing your eyes and taking in a deep breath. This interaction was the last thing you wanted to experience in such a state, and you could only look forward to his standoffish nature worsening your already solemn state.
You had changed from your party clothes, the nice new jeans and shirt your sister had bought you for your birthday, which was the whole reason Sam threw you the damn party in the first place. You were in shorts and a t-shirt that hung just above your knees, your face tired and tear-stained as you made a quick move to wipe the dampness from your cheeks. “S’all good, Jake. You can have the bathroom.” You spoke again, a little clearer. The rasp of sadness in your tone was impossible to ignore, and even in his drunken state, he seemed to pick up on it.
You hated your birthday, and you hated that Sam insisted on throwing you a party for it. You wanted to leave, to go home after seeing everyone having such a great time while you were so miserable, but you were too drunk to drive and you would have felt terrible for abandoning Sam when he’d worked so hard to plan this all for you. The gathering was small, filled with people you loved dearly, and drinks were plentiful. Sam went all out with food, decorations, and dessert. You’d never had such an extravagant cake in your life, and you owed him everything for caring about you so much. You were so ashamed of your misery that you felt the need to hide in the bathroom while you cried, just so you didn’t hurt his feelings.
You weren’t sad because of the party, or even because of your birthday in itself. You were upset about the fact that no matter how hard you tried to have fun, something always happened that seemed to ruin the whole day, and this time was no different.
“You okay, Y/N?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together as he tried to read the situation. You barely looked up at him, feeling another wave of tears well in your eyes. He smelled so distinctly of whiskey, and his normal tough exterior slackened into something you could almost relate to relaxed.
“Yeah, fine.” You nodded, taking a step towards the doorway and expecting him to recoil when you neared him.
“Clearly not, sweetheart.” The pet name struck you as odd, the confusion growing even worse as he stepped in front of you to stop your attempt at escaping. “You’re crying, up here all alone on your birthday. Talk to me.” You finally looked up to meet his face, noticing your body flood with an unfamiliar feeling. There was a type of care in his face that you had never seen from him before, and it made your entire body raise with goosebumps.
“I… I’m alright, I guess.” You said, trying to find a way around confessing your sorrows to him.
“Can I come in?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, sure.” You breathed, nodding and stepping backwards out of his way. Once he was inside the room, he closed the door quietly, leaning against it as he casted his gaze back in your direction. Now that you were locked in a room with him, the smell of alcohol became all the more apparent, and it seemed to be mixed with a sweet scent of an unfamiliar cologne.
“What’s going on?” He asked, standing stagnant by the door as if he was fearful of coming any closer.
“It’s a long story, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s over now.” You shrugged, raising your hand to your face to wipe your face clean of the sadness.
“Is it that guy you were with last time you were here?” He asked, hitting the nail straight on the head without even trying.
“Uh, yeah.” You nodded, surprised he even cared to notice you had company the last time you were around him. Jake had never been overly concerned with your presence, and you barely expected him to care enough to ask if you were alright. “Got in a fight before I came. Said he didn’t have time to come to my ‘stupid birthday party’ with my ‘stupid friends’.” You air quoted the phrases he used, sickened that you even let yourself spend time with someone who thought so little about the people you loved so dearly. “But he wasn’t too busy to party without me, and certainly didn’t mind locking lips with some other girl at the bar.” You explained, remembering the painful picture one of his friends sent through to you. You appreciated the fact that someone was willing to tell you about it, but it didn’t seem to make it hurt any less.
His lips pressed together tightly, the corners turned down into a frown as he digested the information you threw his way. For a second, he seemed as though he wanted to speak, but not long after that he silenced himself before he could get the words out. He swallowed thickly, toying with the ring on his middle finger as he tried his best to think of a response. Eventually, he took a deep breath and spoke words you never expected to hear from him.
“You are far too special to be caught up on someone like that, Y/N.” His tone was strong, leaving no room for doubt that he meant it. “I know it hurts right now, but you have to know that.”
“Thank you, Jake.” You said, your indifference for him melting away momentarily.
“Is it alright if I hug you?” He asked, carefully scanning your face. “Seems like you need it.”
“O-oh,” you breathed, shocked at his question. “Yeah, s’pose I do.” You let out a nervous chuckle. At that, all hesitation left his body and he stepped towards you. Carefully, he pulled you into his arms, his hold firm and the warmth of his body soothing. You let your head rest on his shoulder, trying to ignore the strangeness of the moment and enjoy the comfort. With your face buried in his button-up shirt, you finally had the chance to breathe in the cologne you had only previously caught a faint hint of. It was deep, woodsy and ambery, and it was unfortunately one of the most pleasant things you’d ever experienced.
You could feel his heartbeat, fast and strong as he held you close to him. One hand rested on the back of your head, an extra touch of warmth within his already strange actions. You had never been so close to Jake before, and for some strange reason, you never wanted to let go of him. From the minute he touched you, things seemed okay again, like nothing in the whole world could hurt you so long as he was right beside you.
Just when you felt yourself slipping out of the state of sadness, he pulled away. You found yourself mourning the loss of his touch, sad for a whole new reason as his body parted from yours. He didn’t completely abandon you, though. He let one hand rest on your arm as he used his other to wipe your tears away from your cheeks. With a soft smile, he spoke again.
“Don’t waste your tears on him, sweetheart. When it starts to hurt a little less, you should thank him for it, ‘cause it means someone as great as you won’t be stuck with someone like him.” He paused, ensuring you understood him before he continued. “Now, put a smile on that pretty face and come back downstairs. It’s your day, your friends are down there, and we want you to have a good night. Don’t let him win.”
You thought that maybe after such a sweet moment shared between the two of you, the dynamic might change, that he would warm up to you and a friendship would blossom. Thinking back on your hopefulness, you wanted to laugh in your own face. If anything, after the bathroom escapade, he grew even more distant. He stopped looking at you as often, avoiding your eyes when you looked his way and refusing to even let a chuckle slip when you spewed a joke. His already curt responses grew even shorter, and even less friendly. All of the affection he shared with you disappeared, and he acted as if it never happened at all.
You were ridiculous for expecting change, but disappointed still when you understood that he probably didn’t remember the interaction between you. He was drunk, and so were you, and it didn’t mean anything.
Still, no matter how hard you tried to believe it, it still fucking sucked.
You did everything in your power to get that side of him to surface again, but it only seemed to worsen his withdrawl. The nicer you were to him, the more he pulled away. So, eventually you stopped completely. You stopped going out of your way to build a relationship with him, because it was abundantly clear he wasn’t interested in it.
Funny thing is, when you started pulling away, he began to try.
A few weeks after you stopped talking, he went out of his way to ask you how you were. He lingered in rooms after everyone left, trying to remain inconspicuous as he waited for you to speak to him. His eyes landed on you more often than not, watching you carefully as you spoke to everyone else, waiting to see if you would laugh at his jokes. It was as if he missed you talking to him, even if he was the reason you distanced yourself in the first place.
He was so confusing, and you knew it was best to stay out of it. Even if you did think he was ridiculously attractive, he clearly had no clue how to express himself or any emotion whatsoever. The only thing you regularly saw from him was undesirable personality traits, indifference and annoyance most often, and anger at other times. You knew it wasn’t good for you, that you should stay away because you couldn’t get involved with someone so cold, and you did the best you could. Still, you would be the first to volunteer to kiss that damned scowl off his face, and happy to let him take his anger out on you.
The fact that Sam ever thought the two of you would work was absolutely blasphemous, but if Sam wanted you to try, you would at least give it another shot. Even if it was half-assed, you could still say you gave it your all, and he’d probably believe you.
Sam took one of the two available seats on the couches, far away from you and next to Josh. You felt a stab of pain in your chest as you realized he did so for a specific reason. The only seat left in the room was next to Jake, and as you began to approach, you feared he might get up and walk away as soon as your ass touched the cushion. Keeping your body rigid, you stepped over Danny’s long legs, extended outwards as he leaned back in the couch. You carefully stood between the two, letting the strap of your bag fall from your shoulder and it landed in front of you on the floor. As you sat down, you tucked the bag neatly behind your legs and against the frame of the couch. You let out a small breath of relief, noticing Jake didn’t change his stature at all as you took a seat.
‘Step one: complete.’ You thought to yourself, sipping at your drink to calm your nerves.
How ridiculous it seemed to consider sitting next to Jake a victory. The irony only grew as you remembered that Sam thought the two of you would make a good couple.
Jake had an acoustic guitar sat in his lap, tentatively plucking at the strings as he sat on the very edge of the cushion. You couldn’t help but stare, finding his face devoid of any negative emotion almost alluring. He was so pretty when he focused, the way his hair hung in his face and his eyebrows furrowed together in concentration. You strained to hear the light sounds coming from the strings, trying your best to ignore the booming music upstairs in hopes to recognize the tune he was playing. You watched as the tips of his fingers danced over the fretboard, delicate and calculated in every move they made.
Then, the soft hum stopped and his finger stretched across the fretboard to stop any lingering resonance. Your eyes flickered from his hand to his face, seeing that he was already looking at you. Your cheeks burned red as you understood he noticed your staring, and you swallowed back an awkward laugh.
“Hey, Jake.” You forced the greeting through your teeth, flashing a smile in his direction in hopes that the sweetness would deter his usual grumpiness with you.
“Hi.” He responded, his eyes trailing down to the solo cup in your hand. His greeting was short, but you counted it as a victory. Some nights, he never bothered to reciprocate at all, shooting you a pained look instead. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, neither of you knowing what to do or what to say. It was uncomfortable, but you forced the negative thoughts from your head and tried your best to think of a conversation starter. When it was clear he would not be the one to initiate, you spoke again.
“What song was that?”
“Who’ll Stop The Rain.” He replied, his stony expression remaining strong as he looked in your direction.
“CCR,” you nodded, embarrassed you couldn’t pick out the tune from memory. “My dad was a big fan of John Fogerty. Used to put us to sleep with the recordings from Royal Albert Hall.”
“Yeah, pretty good stuff.” Jake nodded, slow and stiff as if he would rather be anywhere other than with you. You took in a long breath through your nose, hoping that you could ease the painful tension between the two of you, but knowing it wouldn’t never happen unless he was willing to try, too.
“Yeah, absolutely.” You nodded too, taking a long sip from your cup.
“What’s your favourite song from them?” He asked, the words almost sounding strained as he asked the question. You fought back an eye roll, thinking it was absolutely ridiculous that he was troubled just to speak to you.
“Green River.” You answered, trying to be more enthusiastic than he was. You were happy he asked the question at all, considering it was probably the first thing he’d ever asked in attempt to get to know you, but his reluctance still stung.
“I like that one, too.” He said, his tone gruff but more friendly than it had ever been (save for the off night in the bathroom), even if the classification was a stretch. Then, he turned his head back towards the guitar, cutting the conversation short. You couldn’t help but feel a dissatisfaction with his actions, wondering why he couldn’t even pretend to enjoy a conversation with you, but you didn’t let it linger for too long.
You let out a sigh, turning your head to the other side of you, seeing Daniel’s smiling face. It was refreshing, and it was a relief to see his expression did not fade as soon as he looked your way. His arm was slung over the back of the couch behind you, his ankles crossed and a beer bottle clutched tightly in his hand. You figured he was an easier target, and a much more enjoyable way to spend your time.
“Hello, Daniel.” You gave him a warm smile as you spoke.
“Was wondering when you’d get here, K.O.” He said, flashing you a toothy smile to match your own.
“What did I tell you guys about calling me that!” You scolded, your tone light and your eyes shining with joy to tell him you didn’t really care all that much.
“If the shoe fits.” He shrugged, chuckling as he took a sip from his bottle. “What have you been up to? Feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“I was away for a little while for work, actually.” You said, knowing you couldn’t get too much into it.
“You were away? That’s never good to hear.” He said, a slight grimace on his face. He was right; in social work, time spent away from your office usually meant something bad.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t anything major. They have a shortage of people a few towns over, so I volunteered to fill in for a little while until they could hire someone. I handled a few cases, but it was mostly just to do some paperwork so they didn’t get overwhelmed. I got back a few days ago.”
“You’re a saint for doing a job like that, you know.” He said, his words genuine and prompting a smile on your lips.
“It’s not the easiest job, but I like it.” You explained. “Someone has to stick up for the kids, you know? If their own parents aren’t doing it… then someone has to.”
You could not see it, but Jake’s head was turned as he sat behind you, his ear facing you so he could hear the words you were saying.
“You must be pretty good at it, too. I remember when Sam and I stopped by your office, it was plastered with drawings and colouring pages. Do you keep everything they give to you?”
“Yeah, I do.” You looked down at your hands as a sheepish smile crossed your face. “They always get so excited when they see it up on the walls, so it makes it worth it. Besides, brightens up my day when I see it, too.” You explained, knowing that you had never really thought twice about it; everything any of your clients gifted you was important to you and deserved a spot up on your bulletin board.
Alongside from Sam, your work was the most important thing to you. It was a part of you, and the only reason you and Sam got along so well is because he understood that. Lots of plans were cancelled or rescheduled at the drop of a dime, but he never cared and never made you feel bad about it. Sometimes, you were up at four in the morning, running out the door to the hospital in the early stages of your friendship, but it never deterred him from spending time with you. When you moved to a private company, things grew a little more relaxed and you had a lot more scheduled appointments rather than emergency appointments, but Sam would have stuck around no matter your situation.
“I mean, today someone gave me a yo-yo.” You said, a grin lighting up your face. “I’ve always wanted an excuse to learn those stupid tricks everyone knew how to do in middle school, and now I can.”
“Oh, I can’t wait to see that.” Danny let out a laugh, his shoulders shaking and his eyes crinkled with joy just at the thought of it.
“So what about you? What have you been up to?” You asked, growing tired of talking about you and eager to hear what he’d been up to.
“The same old, really. I went home and visited my family for a few days, so that was nice.” He said, knocking back the last of his drink and grabbing another from the box by his feet.
“That is nice!” You exclaimed, a warm smile encasing your lips. “I know you don’t get to see them all that often, so it must have been really good to go home.”
“It was,” he agreed, nodding at the thought.
“How’s your sister doing? I know she was stressed out about the last semester of school the last time we talked.”
“Good! She passed with no problem, worried about nothing as per usual.” He responded, almost wowed by how much attention you paid to him when he spoke.
“And that girl you were talking to… Sarah?” You asked, nervous you might have gotten the name wrong. He gave a nod, reassuring you that you got it right. “How’s that going?”
“Good! She couldn’t make it tonight, but I think it’s headed somewhere. Hopefully, at least.” He shrugged, trying to make it seem like it was less important to him than it was.
“I’m sure it will. I’m happy for you.” You smiled. Just as he was about to respond, Sam shouted his name from across the table, pulling him in a completely different direction. You didn’t pay much mind to it, settling comfortably back in your seat as Sam resumed an earlier conversation with the boy beside you.
You settled back into your seat, finding yourself content without feeling the need to be caught in conversation. You sipped at your drink, noticing your cheeks begin to turn rosy as the tipsiness started to set in. Your skin was warm, your mind swimming with thoughts that pertained to nothing important. You tucked your foot underneath your knee, relaxing into the position as Sam gave you a reassuring smile across the table. You gave him a small wave in return, finding the mixed drink in your cup taste better the longer you worked at it.
Some time passed, but nothing too interesting ensued. No further words were shared between you and Jake, but you did occasionally find yourself talking across the table with Sam, and a few times you were leaned over close to Danny to hear him over the chattering crowd and loud music. Then, something incredibly familiar reached your ears, the sound soothing as it drifted from the guitar in Jake’s lap and over towards you. The twang was different, a little more calm as he played on the acoustic, but it was still just as good.
Green River.
You turned your head towards him, smiling as you watched his fingers pluck the strings. You bit your tongue, tempted to sing along but knowing it likely wouldn’t help the lingering tension between you and the boy. Your gaze flickered to his face, curious to see his expression as he played the song you very clearly expressed your enjoyment of. To your surprise, he was looking at you, and the usual scowl on his face had softened into an almost smile.
He wanted to know if you liked it, almost excited at the prospect of impressing you with the song.
Perhaps Sam was right, and you hadn’t tried hard enough to get to know him. You weren’t committed enough to getting through the tough exterior, because in that moment, you saw a tiny glimpse of the Jake you saw that night in the bathroom. His eyes were warm, glimmering with curiousity as he continued to strum the tune. Maybe he wasn’t so against knowing you, but rather needed some common ground so he could get his footing.
No matter the reasoning, you could go along with it, because without the cold undertones in his expression, he was a million times more attractive than he’d ever been before. The liquor in your cup was strong, definitely encouraging your thoughts about his pretty face, but as he played a song you remembered from the happiest days of your childhood, it struck something within you that he’d never touched before.
“Sing it.” Jake encouraged, his voice just loud enough for you to hear as he played the intro a second time through. You thought you misheard him, unable to believe he was really initiating such a fun moment that involved both of you, together. Even as you tried to discredit it, his eyes told you otherwise, imploring you to do as he asked.
“Well, take me back down where cool water flow,” you began, knowing your intoxication had everything to do with your courage. You worried that he would change his mind, or regret asking you to do so, but as you finished he played the little riff that followed, a genuine smile beginning to blossom on his lips.
“Let me remember things I love, Lord
Stoppin' at the log where catfish bite
Walkin' along the river road at night
Barefoot girls dancin' in the moonlight.” You sang the verse, growing more comfortable when Sam joined in along the way. By the time you finished the last line, Danny was leaned in close behind you, also belting the lyrics alongside you.
Then, the most shocking part of it all came about when Jake led you back into the second verse. He joined in, happily singing along with the three of you as if it were a completely normal thing for him to do.
“Fuck yeah, Jake!” You exclaimed, seeing his eyes brighten at your drunken cheer. For a single moment, things felt normal. They felt right, with you cheering him on and him trying not to laugh at your antics, like it was meant to be that way all along.
Maybe Sam was right, and the two of you could click well, even after all the time spent ignoring each other.
He led himself into a small guitar solo, seemingly trying to show off as he slammed the pick down on the strings. You clapped along, a blinding smile lighting up your face as you watched him do what he loved most. You couldn’t help but admire how stunning he looked, his pink lips slightly damp from his tongue running over them while he focused. The blush of his cheeks under the lowlight, and his dark lashes casting the tiniest of shadows under his eyes. He was beautiful, and you couldn’t seem to pull yourself away from him.
You were so immersed in his enigmatic nature that you failed to sing along with the group when the third verse rounded. Stunned and slightly nervous that someone had caught you amidst the impromptu staring contest, you cleared your throat and joined in with the singing, only slightly less enthusiastic. When the song finished, you were breathless and in a mess of jumbled thoughts, but it had nothing to do with the singing you were doing. Before Jake could say anything to you, you downed the last of your drink, reaching into your bag to refill the cup. You knew you would need the courage, especially now that the relationship between you seemed to hit a pivotal moment.
When you straightened back up in your seat, you sipped from the rim of the cup to lower your chances of spilling it all over yourself. Your eyes flickered to the man beside you, but to your dismay, he wasn’t looking at you at all. The smile faded from your lips as you quickly tried to cover up your growing disappointment, wondering if you were an idiot for thinking the two of you might be more comfortable speaking. You waited for a moment, just to see if he would initiate something, but you were met with nothing once again.
You were an idiot, and for more reason than just that. You were ridiculous for believing that he would be interested with you, in all of his blinding beauty and amidst the rockstar lifestyle. He had girls falling at his feet, prettier and with more to offer than you had. You were breaking your own heart by entertaining the feeble idea Sam planted in your mind, and you needed to realize the truth of the matter.
Still, a small fizzle of hope existed within your chest, and you thought you would give it one last shot.
“That was really good, Jake. Thank you for playing it for me.” You said, keeping your tone sweet and the look in your eyes warm despite the blossoming uncertainty in your stomach.
“What? I didn’t play it for you.” The words tumbled out of his mouth at the speed of light, defensive and with little thought put into them. As if he saw the breaking of your heart before his own eyes, he softened slightly, realizing that his words were too harsh, even for his normal brooding self. “I played it for myself, too. I love that song.” He added, hoping that it would lessen the blow. You could tell he only said it to feel like less of an asshole, and it only worsened your already bruised feelings.
You could feel an unfamiliar feeling rising in your chest, one that craved conflict. You thought that if you handed his rudeness back to him, he’d learn his lesson and realize how terrible he’d been to you over the years of knowing him. You wanted a fight, to figure out the real reason behind his dislike for your company, and you needed it now. If he hated you, you wanted him to come clean and say it. You were sick of trying to start a friendship with someone who only ever made you feel like shit about it.
Then, before the accusations could leave your lips, he spoke again, but you would have preferred him not to say anything at all.
“Heard it’s supposed to be really nice out, tomorrow.” He forced the weather forecast through his teeth, rubbing salt into an already lethal wound.
“Perfect,” your lips pulled together tightly, forcing some semblance of a smile as you nodded your head. “You know, we don’t have to talk about the weather every fucking time we speak, Jake.” He seemed to physically recoil from your nasty tone, seemingly never expecting something even slightly vicious to leave your tongue.
“Okay, what else would you like to talk about, Y/N?” He asked, a hint of condescension in his words. You rolled your eyes, long past furious with his blatant rejection of your presence.
“Maybe one of the fifteen other topics I’ve tried to talk about with you?” You offered the alternative like it never crossed his mind at all. “You know what? Nevermind. Doesn’t matter.” You shook your head, understanding you were preparing to fight a losing battle. When it came to anything negative, Jake was always going to come out on top.
“What, did Little Miss Sunshine finally hit her breaking point? Is this the first time you’ve ever been angry, sweetheart? ‘Cause it wouldn’t fuckin’ surprise me.”
“Fuck off, Jake.” You huffed, leaning forward and grabbing your bag from between your legs. “Like I said, fucking forget about it.”
Just as you did so, Danny leaned towards you in an instinctive reaction to someone playfully pushing him by the arm of the couch. His shoulder collided with your back, causing you to lurch towards Jake and at the same time, your full solo cup to slip from your fingers. As you tried to recover from the strong (and irritatingly painful) collision between your back and Danny’s shoulder, you barely noticed the liquid that had spilled from your hands onto the couch, and unluckily, Jake’s leg.
Before you could process all that happened in such a short time, you heard Danny’s profuse apologies from over your shoulder, but not well over the boom of Jake’s voice.
“Christ, Y/N!” He exclaimed, raising the guitar from his lap as he made a move to stand. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Watch what you’re fucking doing, next time!”
His words, equal to a million stabs in the chest, seemed to snap that little rational part of your brain you tried to desperately hold on to when in his company. Instead of an angry outburst, you felt tears well in your eyes, finally fed up with his irrationally irate attitude towards you. You tried to muster an ‘I’m sorry’, but every time the words began to make their way through your throat, your muscles constricted around them. Instead, you grabbed your things, in a hurry to get out of there and never come back. Before you were on your feet, tears spilled over on your cheeks, and your face felt like it was on fire. Your heart was thumping so fast and hard you could feel it in every part of your body, and your throat ached to cry out.
Why didn’t he like you?
What did you do to deserve such miserable treatment?
Why couldn’t he just pretend to tolerate you, instead of making it blatantly obvious to everyone how much he hated you?
You clutched your empty cup and your bag tightly to your chest as you stepped over Danny’s legs, your vision blurred with tears you refused to let Jake see as you rushed away from the group. By the time you made it to the stairs, you knew you would be alright, so long as you didn’t come face to face with him again. You clambered to the top of the stairwell, pushing through bodies in search of the front door. You were desperate for air, just for a breath of relief to help you forget about his venomous tone. When your fingers clasped around the doorknob, you instantly felt better. You pulled it open, stepping foot into the yard and away from the chaos.
The porch was near vacant aside from the couple engaging in a handsy makeout session a few feet away, but not even they seemed to notice you. You pulled the skirt of your dress down as you stepped forward, crouching down until your ass hit the wooden step. You released your hold on the short dress, stretching your legs out as you adjusted to a more comfortable position on the stair. You let your hand run through your hair, your fingers catching on knots as you combed through the mess of loose curls. You let out a shaky sigh, wiping the tears away from your cheeks as you let your eyes flutter closed.
You wouldn’t let him get the best of you, even though it was so easy for him to do it. You were better than his short fuse and lack of regard for your feelings, and you wouldn’t feed into the fire he created. As much as you wanted to yell, to call him out on his ridiculous behavior, it wasn’t you. You weren’t angry; you were bubbly, happy and outgoing, and you adored making new friends. You were a social worker who loved children because of their unusual glee despite being in horrible situations. You loved it so much, because that’s who you were. You loved being happy, the light shining in darkness even when you should be miserable and sad. You liked being that beacon of light for others, and you made it a point to remember small details so nobody ever felt forgotten.
You were kind hearted and free spirited, and you loved to love. You wouldn’t let him take that away from you, in all of his gruff grumpiness and dark brooding eyes. You were human, and everyone likes to be liked, but you didn’t care anymore. If he wanted to dislike you, that was fine, because you loved being you and you didn’t care to change for anyone. If he didn’t like your behavior, your desperation to see the best in everything and your constantly joyus nature, he was the one losing, not you. You wouldn’t bend your own boundaries to make someone like him happy.
The door creaking open behind you pulled you from your thoughts, making you peek over your shoulder to investigate the disturbance. You were met with a sight for sore eyes, the pure chaos of the moment putting a smile on your face despite your own internal struggles. Sam was stumbling towards you, his eyes heavy and glossy as he clutched a beer bottle tight in his hand. He was positively hammered, and you could tell with every step he took.
His stare landed on you, like he was a predator in search of prey. His hand holding the bottle raised, his index finger straightening and pointed in your direction. “Was looking for you, knockout. You’re fast.”
“You’re drunk, Sam.”
“Pshh,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.” He took a few unsteady steps towards you, placing his hand against the railing to steady himself as he sat down beside you.
“I love you, you know.” You smiled, hugging your knees to your chest as you rested your chin atop of them.
“I love you, Y/N.” He slurred, the smell of alcohol radiating from him. In some strange way, drunken Sam had always secretly been your favorite, mostly because of his unapologetic nature when it came to the tellings of his heart. “You’re the best friend ever, you know. Like the best. Couldn’t imagine life without you.” He rambled, slinging his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to him. “You’re always so sweet and kind, and you make the best cookies, and you come to my stupid parties and talk to my stupid brother, even when you don’t want to. There’s nothing wrong with you, Princess. Don’t listen to him, ‘cause he’s stupid.” He reiterated the same sentiment, causing a small giggle to fall from your lips.
“F’course I show up to your parties, Sammy.” You whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder. He smelled familiar, giving you a sense of home you couldn’t find anywhere else. “Wouldn’t imagine life any other way.”
“And everyone loves you, Y/N. Josh, and Danny, and even Jake. ‘Specially Jake.” He hiccuped, smiling at the thought. The apples of his rosy cheeks were so soft in the moonlight, the sight heartwarming and forcing a smile onto your cheeks, too.
“No, I don’t think he does, Sammy boy, and that’s okay.” You whispered, gazing up at the stars and living in the sweetness of this moment rather than the bitterness of the one you shared with Jake.
“No, don’t think you get it, Princess.” He chuckled, his head toppling over onto yours as he heaved a large breath. He was caught in a nasty bout of hiccups, and his movements were all sloppy and loose. You were beginning to realize he was much more intoxicated than even you perceived him to be, and you were going to have to get him inside and to bed soon. “I can’t tell you, cause he wouldn’t like that, but he likes you, Y/N, wholeee hell of a lot.” He put the extra emphasis on the words to ensure you took him seriously. You laughed at his words, his oxymoronic statement, and the tone in which he said it.
“Sure, Sam.” You chuckled, pulling away from him slightly. You immediately missed the comfort of his touch, but you knew it was for the best. “Why don’t we get you upstairs, honey? Maybe a glass of water?”
“You think?” He asked, squinting at the porch light as he turned to look at you. His expression was challenging, but you both knew you’d win the fight.
“I know, Sam.” You gave him a soft smile. “Come with me?”
“Okay.” He huffed, nodding in agreement. “You’re staying tonight, right? Don’t want you… driving home…” there was a lull in his tone, and you noticed his eyes drooping lower the longer he spoke. “Jake’s an idiot, want you to stay, even if you’re mad at him… please?”
“Of course I’ll stay, love.” You promised, rising to your feet after ensuring you had a firm grip on his arm. “Come on, stand up for me.” You urged, pulling him only slightly from his sitting position.
“Kay,” he let out a shallow sigh, helping you only slightly as you pulled him to his feet. As soon as he was standing, he stumbled forward into you, and you wrapped your arms around him to keep him upright.
“Easy, honey.” You hummed, only slightly intimidated under his body weight.
‘You’ve got this. Get him upstairs and into bed. You can do it.’ You repeated to yourself, carefully moving your grip so you had one arm securely around his torso.
“Come on, Sammy. Help me out here.” You pleaded, taking a step towards the door. He seemed to be growing more tired by the second, and you worried that you would not be able to support his weight if he grew any more lax in your arms. He stumbled forward, uttering nonsense about his love for you as you desperately tried to get him to the door. You figured if you at least got him inside, someone would be around to help you out with the rest.
You felt your legs quivering under his and your own weight, but you managed a few more steps forward until you were just shy of reaching the doorknob. As you ushered him forward, you reached a shaky hand out for the door, only to find someone else already opening it for you. You looked upwards, relief flooding your features until your gaze landed on the body in the doorway.
“Let me help.” Jake grumbled, stepping forward to join the two of you.
“It’s fine, Jacob. I’ve got it.” You snapped, taking another step forward.
“Clearly not, sweetheart. Quit being so fucking stubborn.” He argued, taking post at Sam’s other side as he guided his arm over his shoulder.
“Jake!” Sam exclaimed, a lazy smile crossing his face as he recognized his brother's familiar face. “Y/N, this is my idiot brother Jake. Have you met before?” Sam looked in your direction, sending you a lazy smile and a sloppy wink. You stifled a giggle as you tightened your hold around him.
“Hey, brother. Let’s get you to bed.” He chuckled, anchoring his own arm around Sam’s back alongside yours.
Deciding it was for the best, you let Jake help you with the daunting task. Together, the journey was much less treacherous, and you had him upstairs in no time. In Sam’s bedroom, you and Jake eased your hold on him as he sat down in his bed, his eyes threatening closed as he slumped down onto the mattress.
“I’ve got it from here, thanks.” You snipped, brushing past Jake to grab a trash can, just in case Sam started to feel sick.
“He’s my brother, Y/N. I can take care of him.” He shot back, fixing the pillows so Sam could lay down.
“We’ll he’s my best friend, and I’m not fucking leaving him.” You huffed, helping Sam lay down on his side so he would not fall asleep on his back.
“Guess you’ll just have to deal with it, then, cause I’m staying too.” He rolled his eyes, plopping down on an armchair in the corner of the room.
“Great.” You muttered, fixing the blankets as Sam fought with the buttons on his shirt. “You okay, honey? I can help.” You offered, noticing his particularly annoyed expression as he couldn’t complete the task he’d set out to do. “Can you get him some water, Jacob?” You asked, a little more curt than you intended, but neglecting to feel remorseful about it.
“Why don’t you go, and I’ll get him out of his shirt?” Jake offered, malice fleeing him temporarily in hopes the arrangement might be more comfortable for you.
“Fine.” You sighed, stepping away from the bed and back into the hallway. A quick trip downstairs and one bottle of water later, you were back at Sam’s bedside, trying to get him to sip away at a hydrating alternative to the beer he was drinking all night.
You sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Sam relaxed against the mattress and melted into the pillows. Carefully, you reached out and brushed his hair from his face, gathering it in your hands as you slipped an elastic around it from your wrist. You couldn’t help but smile as he began to softly snore, a sure sign he was out for the night.
“Thank you, Y/N.” Jake said, his tone strong and startling you as you pulled your eyes away from Sam.
“For what?”
“For caring so much about him.” He shrugged, showing you a glimpse of himself as he professed his gratitude. “He’s my brother. Means a lot to me that you love him so much.”
“Don’t need to thank me for it.” You shrugged. “Hard not to. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.” The two of you fell into a silence for a moment, the tension in the air thick and uncomfortable. You wondered if he would apologize, rectify the harsh words he’d thrown your way, or if maybe tonight would be the night he finally confessed how much he hated you. Or, maybe it was neither of those things, and the night would take the worst turn of all; the two of you sitting there, caring for a drunken Sam in awkward silence and sharing occasional words. Perhaps you could even talk about the weather.
“So when are you two gonna tie the knot?” Jake asked, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you carefully.
“What?” You asked, looking over at him with confusion written all over.
“Everybody’s thinking it. We’re just waiting for you to get on with it.” He said, his gaze never leaving your face, almost as if he was challenging you.
“I don’t like Sam like that, Jake. He doesn’t feel that way about me, either.” You were firm with your response, ensuring he understood that.
“Right.” He whispered, muttering something under his breath you couldn’t quite catch. Your eyebrows furrowed, curious about his words but unsure if you even cared enough to ask. You turned back to Sam, running a gentle hand over his arm as he slept soundly. As you did so, you could feel Jake’s eyes burning into you, making you shift uncomfortably in your position. Eventually, it became too much to ignore, and your head turned towards him again.
“What is your problem?” You asked, stronger than you intended.
“Nothing,” he defended himself, his lips turned down into a frown. “Am I not allowed to look at you?”
“Why would you want to?” You rolled your eyes, looking away from his face. You found it much harder to stay angry with him when you couldn’t stop thinking about how attractive he was. He opted not to respond to the topic at hand, but instead moved back to a previous one.
“Why don’t you and Sam get together?”
“Jesus, what does it matter?” You asked, answering his questions with more. You weren’t keen on discussing your romantic relationships with a man who barely cared enough to notice your presence in a room, and you definitely weren’t willing to discuss your relationship with Sam with him.
“You wanted me to talk, so I’m talking!” He argued, keeping his voice hushed so he would not wake his brother.
“Yeah, I wanted you to talk three years ago, Jake.” You laughed, shaking your head as you did so, but the situation was not funny to you. You couldn’t believe him, and he continually managed to surprise you with his offputting comments and his vague remarks. “I wanted to know you, but you’ve made enough of an impression already, and that ship has sailed.”
“I’m talking now, Y/N.” He tried again, his voice softer but still seemed standoffish.
“I don’t want you to, Jake.” You clarified, realizing you’d rather sit in silence or talk about the sunny skies, now. “I don’t care. I used to get upset because all you wanted to talk about was the weather, but I get that it is the only thing we have in common.” You stood, knowing you needed to take a step away from the situation before you exploded.
He was so good at getting under your skin, so different and so irritating. He ignored every one of your attempts at getting to know him, and you were over it. He didn’t get to be an asshole for so long and then suddenly change his mind about it, like he got to call the shots. The ball was in your court, and you weren’t willing to give him the time of day anymore.
“Wait,” he pleaded, holding his hand out to stop you from walking out on him. Ignoring his plea, you pushed past him, stepping towards the door with no intent on stopping. “Y/N, please.” He stood, reaching out to grab your arm so you could not leave.
“What, Jake?” You snapped, turning on your heel to face him. “Unless you’re going to tell me what your issue is, I have no interest in talking to you about anything.” There was a fire in his eyes unfamiliar to you, so different than the pained, distant expression he often adorned when looking in your direction.
“My issue is you!” He said, never dropping his hold on your wrist. It wasn’t tight, far from painful, but it was exhilarating. His skin on yours felt fantastic, even if he was an asshole.
“See? Was it that hard to finally fucking say it?” You fumed. “Just say you hate me, Jake. It’ll be so much easier for both of us!”
“It is hard, because I don’t hate you!” He confessed, taking you by complete surprise. “I couldn’t hate you, ever. Trust me when I say, I’ve fucking tried!”
“You don’t?” You asked, your knitting together in confusion. “Then what is your issue with me?”
“I don’t have an issue with you, Y/N. It’s me. It’s my problem.”
“Tell me Jake, please. I’ve spent so long wondering what I did to make you not like me, and I need to know.” You pleaded, your anger dissipating as you realized you finally might get an answer to the one question that constantly plagued you.
“Can we… Can we go somewhere else? Please?” Jake sighed, looking over his shoulder at his sleeping brother.
“Yeah, okay.” You nodded, stepping backwards and out of the room. He stayed close to you, ensuring Sam was alright before he closed the door behind him.
You led him down the hallway, turning into the guest bedroom that had become your very own. You stepped inside first, staying near the door as he walked in behind you. He knocked the door shut as he passed it, the music still booming downstairs and the crowd still plentiful despite the night changing into the early morning hours. You turned to face the boy, finding him already looking at you. His gaze was uncomfortable, especially knowing that there was so much unsaid between the two of you.
“So, what is it, Jake?” You asked, your arms loosely crossed over your chest as you tried to hide yourself under his stare. Now that the two of you were alone, your skimpy dress felt all the smaller, and you were self conscious knowing his eyes were drinking in every detail.
“I’ll tell you, but I need you to answer me first. Is there anything going on between you and Sam?” He asked, his palms pressed together and his fingers extended outwards, pointing towards you as he spoke.
“No, Jake. Not that it’s your business, but Sam and I are just friends; it’s always been that way, and it always will be.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.” You stressed the point. “Why does this have anything to do with you not liking me?”
“It has everything to do with it, because I do like you!” He exploded, the sudden shift taking you by surprise. You recoiled at the strength of his words, watching him in shock for a moment.
“What are you angry about?” You asked, unable to piece together his erratic behaviour. His head fell back on his shoulders, a groan leaving his lips as he struggled to speak. It seemed as if his thoughts were plaguing him and he wanted to do anything other than confess them.
“I do like you, sunshine, and a lot more than you think.” He explained, drawing in a long breath and stepping towards you. “I like you too much, and I am a fucking idiot for treating you so badly, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Talk to me, Jake. Tell me what’s wrong, and we can work it out, together.” You pleaded, a shred of sympathy for the man taking hold despite all of your anger.
“See? That’s why, because after three years of me being a dick, you’re still trying to be nice to me!” He exclaimed, appalled at your concern and constant attempts to help fix things. “You should be yelling, or calling me names, or walking away, but you’re not.” He stressed the fact, hoping you understood what he meant.
“Is that what you want me to do?” You asked, confused by his response.
“No, I don’t want—“ he cut himself off, realizing how harsh and condescending the words sounded. “I love you, Y/N, and that’s why I can’t fucking talk to you, because I know I shouldn’t!” You were stunned, taken back by his bold confession and unsure how to respond to it. Your eyes widened, your lips parted as you breathed in his bare honesty hanging in the air. “I’ve spent three years falling for you, and it fucking kills me, but I can’t get you out of my head. Your perfect smile, and that cute little laugh, and the fact you care about everyone and everything, no matter what. You take care of all of us, all of the time. You’re funny, you’re smart, and you are way out of my league.”
You were so shocked at his confession that you forgot to breathe for a moment, and the fact he thought you were out of his league was laughable. You were in such a state that you didn’t think your actions through before responding, and an actual laugh fell from your lips. As soon as the sound reached your ears, your hand instinctively raised and clamped over your mouth, horrified that you made the sound in the first place. A flash of hurt crossed his face, the small expression telling you he regretted speaking at all. The laugh cut deep, but he was misunderstanding the intent behind it.
“You know what? Never mind. Pretend I never said anything at all.” He muttered, stepping towards the door.
“No, Jake.” You stepped forward, this time to stop him from leaving. “I’m not laughing at you.” You promised, your cool hand landing on his noticeably warm biceps. The soft fabric of his shirt felt good on your fingers, and an unfamiliar feeling blossomed in the pit of your stomach. “It’s just… I spent so long thinking you hated me. It’s a lot to take in. You have to understand that.” His eyes flickered back to you, then down to your hand on his arm. There was no longer any malice in his face, the softness of his features all the more alluring now that his defences were down. “Just… work with me, please?”
“Okay.” He whispered, turning back towards you slowly.
“I just… I think that you believing I’m out of your league is funny, because it couldn’t be further from the truth.” You explained, your voice quiet. The two of you were closer than you’d ever been, the heat of his body radiating from him. The sweet, intoxicating smell of his cologne you remembered so fondly from the night in the bathroom hit you with full force, skewing every one of your morals the longer you breathed it in. The drunken, desperate part of you was almost willing to forgo any tough conversation and have your way with him then and there, but you managed to stave off the urge for a little longer. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why would I, Y/N?” He asked, frustrated by the thought, but much more calm now that he understood your feelings a bit better. “Why would I try to pursue you, when we both know that I’m no good for you?”
“No good for me?” You asked, inching closer to him in hopes you wouldn’t have to give up the contact with him.
“Yeah,” he nearly scoffed the word. “No good for you. Think about it, sweetheart. You are a ray of sunshine, all of the time. You light up a room wherever you go, and everyone falls in love with you without even trying. You’re a social worker, for gods sake. You’re so good that you help people for a living, with no benefit to yourself. You remember the small details, you never make anyone feel left out or forgotten. You’re good, and I’m not. I treated you like shit for three years because I couldn’t let myself drag you down with me. I didn’t want to do that to you, but I had to.”
“What are you talking about, Jake? You wouldn’t be dragging me down at all.” You wished he would hear how ridiculous his words sounded, but he was stubborn, and you knew that for a fact.
“I’m miserable. I’m mean, and I’m snarky when I don’t even want to be. I’ve got a temper, and I say things I shouldn’t. You don’t deserve someone like that. You deserve someone who’s just as happy as you are, who puts out just as much good in the world. You’re waking up at three in the morning to go to the hospital and help out a family in need, and I’m just passing out drunk on someone’s couch. You help people, and I hurt people, even when I don’t want to. You don’t deserve that, Y/N, and I can’t do that to you. I bit my tongue because I wanted you to fall in love with someone who could make you happy.” He explained, his drunken ramblings tugging at your heartstrings.
“Jake,” you whispered, your hand tightening on his arm to pull his attention towards you. Now that he started, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from talking. All that he held back for so long was finally surfacing, and it didn’t seem to want to slow.
“I wanted you to fall in love with Sam, because you two are great for each other. It would have sucked, but I know that you deserve someone who can love you like that. I hate myself for pushing you so far away, but I had to, for you. I didn’t want you to get involved with me, because you are too bright and shiny, and I’m a little bit broken. I don’t know how to love, I’m not good at it, and you should be with someone who can give you the world.”
“Hey.” You said, firm as you dropped your hold on his arm. You reached up, taking his cheeks between your hands and forcing him to look at you. “You don’t get to decide that for me. You don’t get to choose who is good for me and who isn’t, Jacob.” You said, swallowing hard as his brown eyes seemed to be staring into your soul. “You’re not broken, and you’re not bad, Jake. I’ve seen it before, and I’m seeing it right now. You have a big heart, and you care so much, even if you aren’t the best at showing it.” You breathed, looking over his face. Your heart was beating fast, your chest a mess of emotions you’d never quite felt before in your life. You were angry, confused, but also incredibly happy to finally hear the truth coming from his lips. You were oddly attracted to him in the moment, and you finally felt like the two of you were on the same page.
“I don’t like Sam that way, because I’m not looking for someone bright and shiny. I’m looking for someone who makes me feel something, and you do, and you always have. Why do you think I’m still trying so hard? After this long, I still want to be around you, and I still want to talk to you. I like being bright and shiny, and I like helping people. That’s who I am, and I can’t change that, but there’s nothing wrong with you, Jake. You said you’re ‘bad’, but how could you be? You spent three years putting me before you, because you didn’t want to hurt me.” You explained, begging for him to see reason. “What you just said to me, about how you feel… Jake, nobody’s ever said anything like that before. Nobody’s ever cared like that before.”
“I do care, and I definitely don’t hate you. I had to push you away, because every time I see you, I want to tell you how badly I need you. I tried so hard to get over you, but I can’t get you out of my fucking head.” At that, his hands raised to your hips, drawing you closer to him as he spoke.
“I’m not asking you to, Jake.” You said, your head spinning from the feeling of his hands on you. It felt so good, so unlike anything you’d ever felt before. Your hands were still on his cheeks, his face unbearably close to your own. After hearing everything he had to say, it made sense. All of the staring, his avoidance of being alone with you, the sweet moment in the bathroom. “I like you, in all of your grumpiness. I think you’re funny, and smart, and you are incredibly talented. I like that you play songs for me on the guitar, even if you don’t want to admit it, and I love that you love me so selflessly. You don’t get to decide if you’re no good for me, and you don’t get to force me to fall in love with someone else, because right now, I’m quite interested in knowing what it’s like to love you.”
“You can’t just say stuff like that, sweetheart.” He warned, his tone gravelly as his heart began to beat solely for you, for the moment you were sharing.
“I’m not just saying it. I mean it. After all this time, I’m still here, listening to everything you have to say.”
“I did play that song for you. I wanted to see you smile.” He confessed, almost pained at how badly he needed to see the joy written over your face. “I wanted to hear you sing it. I wanted you to sit next to me. I want it all, Y/N, all of the god damn time. I want you, but I don’t know how to do it right.”
“We can work on that part, because I want you too, Jake. I can’t walk away from you after you said all of that, because I don’t think I���ll every find anyone else quite like you. I don’t care if you’re grumpy, and I don’t care if you have a hard time showing how you feel. You’re not broken, and you’re not bad for me.” You felt your lips upturn into a small smile, noticing the blush of his cheeks and all of the small details you never had the chance to admire.
There was a splatter of freckles across the bridge of his nose, like a constellation gracing his tanned skin. His brown eyes were even more breathtaking up close, and the fullness of his lips were more tempting than they’d ever been. You wanted to lean forward, to taste the sweetness he’d been withholding from you. The stony expression you’d grown so used to finally melted away, and you could see why he always adorned it while around you. Now that his cover was blown, the mask was gone, and he was looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes.
He was still hesitant, nervous about tainting the perfection you carried around with you. He didn’t want to dim your light, and he didn’t want to hurt you anymore.
“Stop pushing me away, Jacob. I don’t want to be anywhere else, or with anyone else.” You whispered. “I don’t want to walk away and forever wonder what it would feel like to love you. I can’t keep replaying ‘what if’s’ in my head for the rest of my life, and I don’t want that for you, either.”
“I’m not good at this stuff, sweetheart.”
“We’ll never know if we don’t try.” You offered, gravity pulling your face closer to his. Your nose was brushing his own, the smell of whiskey on his breath apparent and inviting. You weren’t sure what he was doing to you, but you’d never been so overcome with emotion in your entire life. “I don’t need someone bright and shiny, Jake. I need someone that balances me out. I need you.” His grip on your hips tightened, the breath catching in his throat at the three little words he’d been longing to hear since he first laid eyes on you.
“You mean it?” He asked, raising one eyebrow in inquiry as he ensured you were certain about everything you said. He didn’t want you to wake up tomorrow and regret it, realizing you drank too much and that he was too much.
“I mean it, Jake. I need you.” You stressed your point, desperate for him to close the gap between your mouths and finally give you the satisfaction of kissing him. Many nights you spent awake in bed, angry about his behavior and unbelievably turned on at how much you liked it. You hated yourself for being attracted to his behavior, but now that it made sense, you didn’t need to feel that way ever again. All the shame was gone, dissolving into one, unbearable, undying need for him.
The two of you clicked, better than anyone else ever had before. Even when you were arguing, short with each other and trying your best to stay away, there was always something. Whether it be a lingering stare, an accidental touch, or a sweet moment when you least expected it, he never failed to capture your attention and you couldn’t seem to pull yourself away. He was infuriating, but you always seemed to come back for more, unable to refute his beauty and unable to resist the urge to know him. You couldn’t stand the idea of him disliking you, because you so badly wanted him to feel the same way about you. You wanted him to be caught up on you, curious about you and desperate to know more. You wanted him to be drawn to you in the same way, and you couldn’t handle him pushing you aside because your interest in him was driving you crazy.
“Say it one more time?” He asked, his lips just barely brushing over your own as he spoke.
“Please, Jake. I need you to kiss me.” You repeated, stronger than the last. Before the last word fully left your mouth, his lips were on yours and he was pulling you into him by your hips.
With your body pressed against his own, you felt all of the tension between the two of you finally subside. His lips were locked with yours, finally getting the satisfaction he’d been craving for so long. Your hands held his face, the touch tender and telling of your enjoyment. The tips of your fingers were tangled in the strands of his hair, the soft chestnut locks twisted around your fingers in a way you only ever imagined they would be. The taste of him on your tongue was addicting, even more so as his tongue swiped over your bottom lip, begging you to let him take it further. You parted your lips for him, feeling his tongue quickly take advantage of the opportunity you had given him.
He tasted as sweet as you imagined he would, the warm remnants of whiskey he was drinking still lingering on him. He was addicting, intoxicating, and he was driving you insane without even trying. His hands on your hips were rough but gentle all the same, holding you tightly but cautious as if he thought he might break you. For the first time in your life, you were overtaken by greed, completely blind to anything other than your desire for him. The heat of his body as he held you to him, how perfect the two of you felt pressed together, was better than anything you’d ever felt in your entire life. His heart was beating hard against his chest, in time with yours as the two of you melted into one, cohesive mess for each other.
You let a moan slip out into his mouth, unable to hide your enjoyment for the moment. You felt his fingers tighten on you as he drank in the sound, surviving off of the sweet noise and locking it up in his heart for safe keeping. He pulled away from you, breathless with stars dancing in his eyes as he looked down at your face. His lips were swollen, the slight pout that so often made an appearance was nowhere to be found. He looked stunning, and you couldn’t believe he felt such a way about you.
“Hard for me to behave myself when you sound like that.” He huffed, his pupils growing large as he continued to study your expression.
“Who said you had to behave?” You asked, a sparkle of mischief shining in your eyes.
“Fuck, baby.” He groaned, your words hitting him harder than you thought they would.
He reached down, his hands landing on the back of your thighs as he lifted you in one swift motion. You locked your arms around his neck, your stomach twisting with excitement as you wrapped your legs around him. As he pressed his lips to yours again, he took a step forward. You were so immersed in the feeling of kissing him that you barely registered the chill that ran through you as he pressed your back up against the wall. With his newfound leverage, he pressed himself further into you, your hips meeting his as he kissed you. The intensity of the moment grew tenfold, especially with the new position.
The burning sensation in the pit of your stomach had prompted an ache between your legs that was becoming harder to ignore the longer he kissed you. Your dress had ridden up your thighs, resting just below your hips now. You quickly understood that you were not the only one with a growing problem, and you could feel his own desperation as your clothed cunt met with his cock through his pants. You could feel his entire length against you, and as much as you loved the feeling of kissing him, it made it incredibly hard to think about anything else.
His strong hands held your thighs, never letting you believe he’d drop you. He had you pinned against the wall, leaving no room for you to escape, and you were happy with it; there was nothing in the world that could stop you now, especially after feeling the euphoric affect of his touch. He was overwhelming entirely, but in the best possible way. You couldn’t even manage to form a coherent thought about anything other than the way he was making you feel, and you were eager to explore the possibilities the night held.
You tangled your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, allowing yourself to fully embrace how good he was making you feel with such a small amount of effort. His hands felt like they were burning into your skin, the touch melting into you, and his chest pressed against yours felt right. The scent of his cologne lingered in the air, filling your senses every time you had a chance to catch your breath. Both of your lips were slippery, slick with saliva as he continued to kiss you, making even more of a mess. His lax attitude made it all the better, showing you that he was completely comfortable no matter how far you wanted to take it.
Perhaps the most pressing thought of all was how perfectly his hips met yours, and how badly you needed to feel it with less clothing in the way.
“Jake,” you breathed, parting from him as you rested your forehead against his.
“Could listen to you say my name like that for the rest of my fucking life.” He muttered, his tone gravelly and his gruffness making a return. This time, instead of irritating you, it sent a wave of pleasure straight through you. In an instant, you understood that his strong personality extended far beyond the realm of casual conversation, and you were eager to see it in action in a whole new way.
“I want you, baby.” You said, the words falling from your lips in a whimper. The need for him completely overtook you, in a way you almost didn’t believe possible. An hour ago, you were furious with him, convinced that he hated you and wanted nothing to do with you. Now, you were digesting the fact that no touch had ever felt so good, and you would do anything to be under him, just for a night. “Please.”
“Tell me what you want, beautiful.” He said, looking over your face with a fire in his eye that you ignited. It felt good to be looked at in such a way, like the whole world turned just for you. “Tell me everything.” He ordered, willing to comply with every one of your wishes, but wanting you to give him every one of the details.
“I want it all, Jake. I want you.” You explained, feeling his hips push forward. The pressure of his cock against your aching clit gave you a hint of relief, but it wasn’t enough. “I want you to make me feel good. I want you to touch me.” You pleaded.
“What else, gorgeous?” He asked, his lips ghosting over your jaw. You let your head fall back against the wall, giving him access to any part of you he wanted. His lips placed kisses along your jawline as he awaited an answer, sloppy as he began and growing even more so as he continued down to your neck.
“I want you to fuck me, Jake.” You confessed, free of any shame over the fact. “I need you to fuck me.” You corrected yourself, your desire pulsing under your skin as his tongue traced over the artery in your neck. He could feel your heartbeat on the tip of his tongue, your very life source offered to him on a silver platter. He pressed his lips to the pulse point, drinking in the desperation in your tone as he suctioned his lips around the very spot. Your eyes fluttered closed as he applied the slightest bit of pressure, focusing his attention there for a moment until he pulled away.
His eyes raked over the sight, the skin pink and irritated from his lips and darkening by the second. A perfect circular mark to remind you of him with every beat of your heart.
“I guess even a perfect little thing like you has some secrets to hide.” He rasped, his pupils consuming his irises as lust worked to craze him. “Tell me how you want me, angel, and I’ll give it to you.” You watched him carefully, your cheeks flushed and your skin hot. Your nipples were hard, pressed against his chest as he spoke to you. Every time he moved, the friction sent another rush of arousal straight to your core. Your skin was tingling, your excitement reaching every nerve ending and sending goosebumps prickling over your skin. “Tell me how you want me to fuck you, sweetheart.” He spoke again, trying to pry the dirty confession from you.
You had thought about it many times, but one thing you never seemed to consider was that in every fantasy, you got off from the simple idea of him doing whatever he wanted to you. Now, after experiencing touch from his hands, you felt that way more than ever before. No matter what he did to you, you knew you were bound to enjoy it.
“That’s it, beautiful? You want me to fuck you however I want?”
“Yes,” you nodded, excited just at the prospect. You looked over his face, piecing together every bit of information you knew about him. He was blunt, honest, and he liked to be in control. You couldn’t imagine sex with him being any other way than that, and you were eager to please him. If it was something as simple as that, you had no issue giving him the chance. “I just want to make you feel good, baby.”
The words seemed to cause a short circuit in his brain as he processed them. His hands tightened on you, his cock pushing forward into your cunt even further and his breath caught in his throat. He studied you for a moment, quiet and concentrated as he tried his best to figure you out. After a moment, his lips upturned into a devious smirk.
“Have you thought about me like this before, sweetheart?” He hummed, smug as he asked you the invasive question. Your cheeks burned red, your heart beating faster than normal as you quickly tried to find a cover up for the truth. Then, you realized you didn’t really care at all. You had thought about him in that way, and you had no reason to be embarrassed about it at all.
“I have.” You gave a slight nod, confirming his suspicion.
“And you got off to that? The thought of being my little fuck toy?” He pressed further, his intent to get you to admit to the dirty little fantasy. Although you wouldn’t have worded it quite the same as he did, the sentiment was the same, and you did get off on that thought alone. “Don’t be shy now, baby.” He said, his fingers snaking up the skirt of your dress.
“I did,” you whispered, biting down on the inside of your lip as you waited for him to respond.
“And you’ve been keeping that to yourself all this time?” He asked, his nose brushing against your jaw as his lips ghosted over your neck again. You squirmed under his touch, the feeling of his hot breath on your skin driving you insane. The tips of his fingers found your hips, settling just below the elastic waistband of your underwear.
He was going to be the death of you, and you were certain of that.
“Let me get this straight, angel.” He contined, pressing a delicate kiss to the sensitive spot just below your ear. A breathy wine pushed past your lips, your entire body ablaze with desire and desperate for him to do something other than tease you. “Did you like it when I was mean to you?” His words were soft, carefully treading the topic as he continued to gently rock his hips against your own. The dry friction was enough to keep you sane, but nowhere near what you needed. He took your silence as enough of an answer, smiling against you as you contined to try and move your hips further down on him. “Never would have guessed that Little Miss Sunshine likes to be treated like a whore.”
“Oh, fuck.” You whimpered, your eyes squeezing shut as you tried to press your thighs together to get a bit of friction. So strung out on desire, you didn’t even realize that all it was doing was pulling him further in to you.
“I bet that pretty cunt is such a mess for me, isn’t it?” He asked, pulling you away from the wall and stepping towards the bed. His hands were on your ass, firmly holding you so you did not have to fear him dropping you.
His cockiness was infuriating in any other context, but in the moment it was sending you feral. You were a shell of who you were earlier that night, the only thing fuelling you was your lust for the man below you. You were desperate, willing to do anything to have him, and finally coming to terms with the fact that your secret fantasies about him had nothing on real life.
“Answer me.” He growled, his fingers tightening on you as he drew your attention back to his question.
“Fuck yes, Jake.” You rushed out, feeling guilty for leaving him hanging.
“You want me to take care of that ache between your legs? Make you feel all better?” He asked, his eyes flickering to your face.
“Yes, please.” You nodded, meeting his gaze with doe eyes that seemed to drive him crazy. With that, he dropped you down on the mattress, the impact lessened by the springs bouncing you back upwards.
“You want me to take care of you, we do this my way.” He said, now gazing down at you with a slight sneer on his face. “Sound good to you, angel?” You nodded, never daring to look away from him. “First off, you refer to me as sir.” He waited until you processed the information before speaking again. “You answer when spoken to.” He added.
“Yes, sir.” You nodded. A small smirk turned his lips at the sound of your response.
“And the last one,” he crouched down, eye level with you to ensure you understood the importance of his rule. “Don’t ever, under any circumstance, be afraid to tell me to stop.” At that, a smile turned your lips, and he reached up to cup your face. “Okay?”
“Okay.” You nodded, your eyes fluttering closed at the feeling of his thumb drifting over your cheek.
“As for me, I’m going to enjoy this no matter how it goes, so tonight’s an apology for how poorly I treated you.”
“It’s okay, Jake.” You assured him, feeling slightly sad that he felt the need to settle the score. “You don’t have to apologize for anything.”
“I want to, ‘cause you deserve so much more than that.”
“Okay.” You breathed, nodding against his gentle hold. His thumb drifted downwards, caressing the smooth skin on your face until it landed over your bottom lip. He traced the outline, taking a moment to admire you and appreciate all he had. As he did so, you placed a kiss to the pad of his thumb, feeling an unfamiliar tug in your heart that did not match the energy the rest of the night held.
For some reason, in that moment, things finally began to sink in for you, and you finally saw him for all he was. He wasn’t just some angry man who was unjust and cruel. He was a person, with feelings that plagued him every day, feelings for you. He chose to push you away not because it would do any good for him, but because he wanted what was best for you. From that alone, you could see that he cared for you far beyond what anyone else ever had. In some strange, twisted turn of events, you could physically feel the pull of emotion in your chest, the blossoming feelings for Jake and all he was, including his pessimistic and avoidant attitude.
This was what was meant for the two of you. Not the fighting, or the avoidance, but this; a blatant and unashamed attempt to show each other how you felt. The whole time, he only wanted to love you, and you only ever wanted him to like you. You had no idea why you wanted him to like you so bad until the sweet words began to fall from his lips, and now you understood that you had always wanted him to be the one to say such things to you.
He was a mystery that you promised yourself you wouldn’t solve, but that’s exactly what you’d been trying to do all along. You started every conversation with the intent of turning it deeper, and you left empty handed and heartbroken because you always felt like there should have been something more between you. If you didn’t truly believe so, you would have quit a long time ago.
Instead of dwelling on the past, you allowed yourself to live in the moment. The rough pad of his thumb still rested on the delicate skin of your lips, and you did the only logical thing that was running through your mind; you parted your lips ever so slightly, pulling the digit into your mouth and letting it rest on your tongue. You suctioned your cheeks around it ever so slightly, your eyes fluttering up to meet his as you did so. His expression was deadly, his eyes focused on you as his jaw clenched and the familiar muscle in his jaw flexed. Slowly, you moved your head back, his thumb sliding from your lips and falling from your mouth with a faint popping sound.
A low groan rattled his chest, his eyes fluttering closed as his head fell towards the ground. You watched him, eyes never leaving him so you could soak up every bit of his energy. “You trying to fucking kill me, sweetheart?” He asked, the rhetoric meant to go unanswered as his hands landed on your hips.
He pulled your near the edge of the bed, settling himself on his knees before you as his hand grabbed the fabric of your dress. He bunched the material in his fists, sliding it upwards with help from you as you lifted your ass from the mattress. When the bottom of the skirt landed near your navel, he dipped his fingers underneath the elastic of your underwear, using the opportunity to pull them down your thighs before you returned to your earlier position.
With your ass resting on the edge of the bed and your lower half bare, he couldn’t seem to control himself any longer. This was a moment he thought about often, but never truly believed he would experience.
“Do you know how often I thought about you like this?” He asked, his fingers roughly guiding your leg over his shoulder. The sudden action knocked the breath straight from your lungs, causing you to clench around nothing just from the thought of what he would do to you. “How many times I wanted to bring you up here and have you all to myself?”
“I thought about it too.” You breathed, your stare locked in on his face as his eyes scanned the sight before him. He leaned forward, his lips brushing over the soft skin of your inner thigh. Carefully, he sucked a trail of marks all the way up to the top of your thigh, determined to ensure you would remember the moment long after it passed. You reached down, brushing the long locks of brown hair away from his face so you could see the whole sight with nothing standing in the way. “I thought about it all of the fucking time.” You let out a shallow breath, watching as his mouth turned inwards towards your cunt.
Your stomach twisted into knots as you watched his tongue dart over his bottom lip, the anticipation killing you the longer he withheld his tongue from you. Without any further words, he leaned forward, unable to wait any longer and let his tongue connect with your core. Starting at your entrance, he let his tongue flatten against you, slowly moving it upwards through your folds until it landed on your clit. He took in a sharp breath before moving his tongue downwards and repeating the action for a second time. When his tongue settled over your clit again, he moved away just for a moment.
“You taste so fucking good, angel.” He rasped, his fingers tightening on your hips as he savored the taste of your arousal on his tongue. It was even better, knowing that he was the reason behind it. “Just as sweet as I thought you would be.”
A pathetic little whine fell from your lips, your face burning and your heart pounding in your chest as he lowered his mouth on you again. This time, his tongue went straight to your clit, his actions full of intent. As soon as his tongue began to trace over the sensitive bundle of nerves, your entire body began to tremble. You tangled your hands in his hair, a shaky breath leaving your lips as he focused his full attention there for a moment.
It has been too long since you had sex, and everything he did felt so good. You were a mess for him before he ever took your clothes off, and you knew it wouldn’t take long before he had you exactly where he wanted you. Your eyes fluttered closed, your head falling back on your shoulders as he worked at you, drinking up every drop of arousal you had to offer. His tongue felt so soft, warm and wet against you, making every movement all the more fantastic.
The power he held over you was nearly incomprehensible. Never in your life had another person affected you so badly and deeply, in everything that he did. Every lingering glance, slight smile and even the roll of his eyes, he had you hanging off it and asking for more. Even when you thought he despised you, you couldn’t shake the temptation to reach out and try again, because even a miserable interaction with Jake was better than nothing at all. You were a fool to think that the same emotions wouldn’t carry over into sex, but with his mouth on you, working you up to an orgasm, you realized that there was nobody in the world quite like him.
He was snide, sharp-tongued and quick witted. He was an enigma, catching attention no matter where he was or what he was doing. You were so convinced he hated you because it was easier to believe than anything else; even then, with his hands on your hips and his mouth on your cunt, you could hardly believe Jake Kiszka was interested in you at all. To know he spent so long hung up on you, thinking he wasn’t good enough for you was nearly painful to imagine. He was everything, even when he wasn’t saying anything at all. He was the whole world, and it felt like you were just living in it, which was why it was so hard to exist without any type of relationship with him. You wanted Jake to know you, to like you, to think of you in the same way you thought of him when you had a moment to yourself.
He let out a hum against you, the vibration running through your whole body and furthering the waves of pleasure already washing over you. You let out a sharp moan, your fingers tightening around the locks of his hair. You laid back on the bed, careful so not as to disturb him while he worked. The new position gave you a bit more control over the motion of your hips, and a lot more pleasure. He took advantage of your new position, pulling your ass off the bed and closer to him so he did not have to lean so far forward.
He groaned against you, completely overtaken with desire and unable to hide his enjoyment as your hips moved against his tongue to meet his time. The fire in the pit of your stomach was growing at a rapid rate, taking over your entire body and causing your mind to jumble with thoughts of nothingness. You needed it more than you ever needed anything in your entire life, and he was quite aware of that as you bucked your hips forward despite his tight hold. He was encouraging you further with every flick of his tongue, and just as you thought you couldn’t take any more, he reached between your legs and added his middle and index finger to you.
Your hips jerked upwards in reaction to the curl of his fingers, which hit against the sensitive spot inside you every time he pumped them into you. You could feel him smirking against you, cocky and rightfully so as he realized how good he was making you feel.
“Oh, fuck.” You whined, your eyes squeezed shut as a particularly intense wave of euphoria took hold. Your abdomen was tense, just the same as your limbs. You felt like if you moved an inch, you would lose the pleasure he was so kindly granting you. “Jake, m’gonna cum.” You warned, feeling the sensation in the pit of your stomach grow stronger, snowballing as it spread across your skin.
He continued to pump his fingers in time with the movements, pushing you closer to the edge by the second. You pulled your leg casted over his shoulders inwards towards you, drawing him in further as he worked at you with intent. You could feel a sheen layer of sweat forming on your skin, glistening under the moonlight through the window to illuminate the sin you were engaging in. The obscenity of the display the two of you found yourselves in was a picture that would be framed in your minds forever, the memory of the event seeping into the walls and remaining there forevermore. You wouldn’t be able to rid the memory from your brain even if you wanted to, and that was okay by you, because Jake was the best that you had ever had.
With one last curl of his fingers, he sent you over the edge, the knot in your belly tightening and snapping under the pressure. Your walls squeezed around his fingers, pulling him in further as his tongue traced over your clit. You cried out for him, pleading for more and less all at the same time, pleading for mercy you knew he would not give. Your hands in his hair were pushing him away and pulling him closer all the same, and you had never felt so strung out on pleasure in your entire life.
“Oh, god.” You whined, your thighs squeezing around his head as he confined to work you through the climax. His hands on your hips, bruising the delicate skin made your heart beat only for him in that moment, living just from the generosity he was granting you and thankful to be his.
When your body relaxed against the bed, he slowed his movements, eventually pulling away from you. Although you were grateful that he didn’t push you to the point of overstimulation, you immediately missed the feeling of his tongue, grieving the loss as if it were something catastrophic.
To you, it was.
He slowly rose to his feet, his hand swiping your arousal from his chin before they dropped to his shirt, quickly unbuttoning it and throwing it to the floor. You looked up at him, in awe of his blinding beauty and unable to process anything further than that. He unbuckled his belt, pulling it from the loops in one swift motion and tossing it to the floor.
“Get up.” He ordered, his usual expression taking over his face again, but this time it seemed even more ethereal. You did as he asked, rising from the bed and to your feet. “M’sorry, angel. Been waiting so fucking long. I need to feel you.” He said, kicking his pants and his boxers to the side to join the rest of his clothes on the floor. He stepped towards you, your eyes trained on his body as you tried to sear the sight into memory forever. He was stunning, more than you ever thought he could be, and seeing all of him only made you realize how lucky you were.
His hands snaked under your dress, pulling the tight material over your head and tossing it to the floor. Now that you were fully naked, he took full advantage of the fact and let his hands wander over you as he pulled you in for a kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue, the feeling sending you feral as the pad of his thumb brushed over your nipple. You wanted to tell him he didn’t need to apologize for anything, that you needed him inside of you just as bad as he did. As your hands roamed his bare torso, you understood you didn’t have to say a word because he could feel how badly you wanted him.
He guided you to the edge of the mattress, taking a seat in front of the vanity Sam had placed at the end of the bed. He sat first, keeping his hands on your hips as he guided you towards him. With a smile, you placed your knees on either side of him, keeping a hand on the back of his neck to steady yourself.
“God, you’re so fucking beautiful. Wish you could see yourself like this.” He muttered, his head craned upwards to meet your gaze as he lined himself with your entrance. The feeling of him against you was fantastic, only growing more so as he ran his tip your arousal. He bright his cock forward, guiding himself so he could slide over your clit. Your hips moved downwards in reaction to the feeling, in search of more. The pressure of him resting against you increased, only worsening your growing need for him. “Come here, gorgeous.” He muttered, carefully guiding your hips backwards. You felt him slide through your folds again, the sensation something so different than anything you’d felt before. When he settled by your entrance again, he couldn’t wait any longer to pull you down on him.
You both let out an audible sigh of relief as he pushed inside of you, the feeling of him filling you so fantastic that you needed to take a moment to appreciate it. You weren’t used to his size, but the stretch of your walls as he pulled your hips down to meet his was fantastic.
“So fucking tight,” he muttered, his nose brushing yours as your forehead rested against his own. “Feel even better than I imagined.” He confessed, his hands trailing up your torso and tickling your skin. You began to move your hips, starting with a slow pace while you both grew comfortable with each other.
You weren’t sure why, but the thought of him imagining the two of you in such a way was enough to get you off all by itself. It affected you so much, you couldn’t help but bring it up with him.
“Yeah?” You hummed, maintaining a slow roll of your hips against him. The ends of your hair tickled the skin of your back, tangling with his fingers as he held your chest to his. “You thought about me like this? Just like this?” You continued, adding a little extra force to your hips as you came down on him.
“All of the time, Y/N.” He said, one hand reaching around you and landing on your ass. His fingers tightened against you, his palm settling directly on the curve of your ass. “Thought about how good that pretty little cunt would feel wrapped around me every fucking night.” He confessed, leaning forward and capturing you in a kiss. He pulled your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down with just enough force to cause your hips to stutter while they moved against him. “Takes everything in me not to take you upstairs and fuck you every time I see you.”
“I thought about you too.” You whined, your eyes fluttering closed as you focused on the feeling of him inside of you. You were without shame anymore, knowing that the two of you were finally on the same page. He thought about you just as much as you thought about him, he wanted it just as bad as you did, and you felt no need to hide it from him.
“Yeah?” He asked, thrilled at the sound of your words despite already knowing as much. His hand on your ass was guiding you down further every time you moved your hips, adding just a little more pressure to the already overwhelming sensation. “Did you play with yourself while you thought of me, angel?” He asked, his lips hovering over your ear as he spoke. The low tone sent a shiver down your spine, and his warm breath on your skin sent goosebumps rising across your entire body. Your hand on his shoulder tightened, but you did not confirm or deny the fact. “Come on, don’t be shy.” He coerced you to answer, leaning forward and gently pulling your earlobe between his teeth. “Want to know all of your dirty little secrets, beautiful.”
“I-I did,” you stuttered, clenching around him ever so slightly. He was impossible to resist and denying him the truth seemed more painful than confessing.
“So I was the one keeping you up at night?” He asked, a little breathless as he spoke as if the idea sent him spiraling. “My name on your lips as you imagined it was me touching you instead? And I wasn’t even there to hear how fucking desperate you were.” He said the second part with a hint of disappointment, as if he was grieving the loss without ever knowing he missed out. “You’re breaking my heart, angel.” He muttered, pushing your hair away from your neck as he pressed a kiss atop the darkening marks he’d already left behind.
“M’sorry, sir.” You pleaded, unsure why you were apologizing but doing so because you were terrified he might stop. He was silent for a moment, his tongue grazing your skin. The saltiness on the tip of his tongue seemed to drive him mad, his stature rigid and his chest heaving with every breath.
“Turn around for me, sweetheart.” He said, ignoring your apologies as his eyes focused on the mirror in front of him. He felt selfish being the only one who could appreciate the view of the scene you found yourselves in.
You slowed your movements, pulling away from him as you complied with his request without hesitation. Slowly, you got to your feet, turning around so you were facing the large vanity mirror as well. He reached out, his hands landing on your hips as he guided you back towards him. You placed your legs on either side of him, feeling him reach between your bodies to line himself back up with you. Once he knew you were comfortable, he pulled your upper half towards him, your back pressed against his chest as he slowly lowered your hips onto him.
“Want you to see how pretty you look when I fill you.” He muttered, pulling you down until he filled up you completely. A shaky breath left your lips as the tip of his cock brushed against your g-spot, the sight almost too much for you to handle. He reached up, brushing your hair from your shoulders and pulling it all to one side. He draped it over one side of you, his chin nestling on the opposite shoulder as you began to move against him again.
With the new position, you could see everything. The furrow of his brow as he bargained with the pleasure of feeling you, his clenched jaw as he tried to keep himself calm, and more importantly, you could see him fucking into you, every time your hips raised and sank back down on him. It was almost too much to take, the sight so obscene yet so beautiful all at once. His hand snaked between your legs, his middle finger resting over your clit as he began to trace slow circles around it. Your legs trembled as you tried to keep a steady pace, the burning in your belly reaching a new level as you watched his lust-crazed eyes, never daring to look away from you.
“This is what you fantasized about, sweetheart?” He asked, making you understand the real reason he switched the position. He wanted you to remember, to know exactly what it looked like as he fucked you, so you had something to think about the next time your mind wandered when you were alone.
“Yes, sir.” You whimpered, your entire body ablaze with emotion. You’d never felt so good, and you’d never felt so alive. Sex with Jake was phenomenal, something so filthy that it only existed in the darkest depths of your mind, even when he wasn’t doing much at all. The closeness was enough to drive you insane, and the pleasure was enough to put you in the grave. His stern demeanor was infuriating outside of the bedroom, but seemed to further his charm as soon as his clothes were off.
“Want you to think about it every time you play with that pretty pussy.” He growled, his hips raising off the bed to meet yours in a moment of high emotion. You let out a muffled yelp, biting down on your lip to silence the sound as it passed through you. “If that’s still not enough, you just let me know. I’ll be happy to take care of her, whenever you need me.” He assured you, his teeth sinking into the skin of your shoulder. The miniscule pain from the action only furthered the knot tightening in your belly. You needed to let go, to show him how good he was making you feel. You needed it more than anything you’d ever needed in your life. The pressure of his jaw slackened, and you felt his tongue gently trace the skin his teeth had marked, soothing the slight irritation he left behind.
A moan fell from your lips, loud and telling of the surplus of pleasure coursing through your body. His finger continued to trace your clit, relentless and unapologetic as he tried to pry another orgasm from you. It was becoming harder to focus, the sensation quickly turning into the only thing you could think about. You watched his face in the mirror, studying the beauty of the man below you. He was concentrated, certain of what he wanted and unwilling to stop until he got it. As you contined to watch him, you understood that his eyes were no longer trained to your face, and instead his gaze had fallen downward, settled on the exact spot where the two of you met. Your stomach burned as you realized he was watching himself fuck into you, the simple idea pushing you just a little closer to the edge.
“You going to cum for me again, angel?” He asked, his tone sickly sweet as if you had a choice in the matter. He wasn’t going to stop until you did, and the question only served as a catalyst in his ever growing ego problem.
Perhaps you were the real catalyst in the equation, because you seemed to lack any self control when it came to him, and you wouldn’t dare deny him of a single wish.
“Yes, sir.” You groaned, your eyes closing and your head falling towards the floor. You felt like you had no control over your body, your movements only made to further the pleasure he was already giving you. It was necessity rather than want; you were tired, but you couldn’t fathom stopping. You wanted to exist in the moment for the rest of your life, never letting him go and never worrying about anything else.
“Look at me.” He growled, his hand raising to your face. He clamped your cheeks between his fingers, forcing your head back upwards to face the mirror. Your body was overtaken with euphoria by the harshness of his actions, the feeling of his hand tightly holding your face adding the extra little bit of pleasure needed to send you over the edge. “Watch how good you look when you cum for me.”
“Oh, fuck.” You whimpered, your movements stuttering as the sensation became too much to withstand.
“That’s it,” he rasped, continuing to hold your head in place. “That’s my fucking girl.” The possessive claim sent you spiraling, the term too much to bear in combination with everything else he was doing to you.
Your walls squeezed around him, pulling him in further and locking him there as your second orgasm washed over you. He raised his hips off the bed, continuing the same pace as your body froze in place. His finger on your clit never faltered, ensuring that you got the most out of the orgasm. He continued to whisper the sweet nothings in your ear, praising you for the show you were putting on as profanities fell from your lips. Your cheeks were red, your face hot as the sensation infiltrated every nerve in your body. Your eyes remained locked on the two of you, soaking in every detail as he worked you through the climax, admiring him as he remained so tentative as you unravelled around him.
Before the pleasure fully subsided, you could feel him shift underneath you. His finger moved from your clit, instead his hand holding your hips as he began to stand. He held you as he stood, guiding you upright with him without ever pulling out of you. Your mind was foggy and your limbs weak as you barely worked to help him, but he didn’t care about the lack of support. He was crazed enough from the look on your face that something superhuman took hold. He pushed you forward, closer to the vanity as his eyes stayed locked on your face.
You raised your hands to the cabinet, knowing his course of action before he ever began. You began to regain your wits at the same time as he pushed your upper half down towards the wooden surface. Your chest landed on the frigid surface, sending a shock through your body as you felt it. He reached upwards, his hand gathering your hair and knotting it around his fist as he began to move his hips. The new position allowed for much more freedom, and much more control. As much as he enjoyed the slowness as you grew familiar with the feeling of him inside you, he could only give up control for so long before he went insane.
“Being so good for me, sweetheart. Just a little bit longer, okay?” He pleaded, his hips slamming forward. A guttural moan tore through your chest, the pain and pleasure mixing together to create a whole new kind of feeling for you. You were tired, nearly fucked out and ready to go to sleep, but if he wanted it, so did you. You would do anything to please him and you would enjoy it while you did so.
“Y-yes, sir.” You complied, your eyes squeezing shut as you tried to fight of the irritating overstimulation trying so hard to take hold. “Whatever you want, sir.” You added, finding that talking was helping you come back to your senses a little more.
“Fuck, baby.” He hissed, his hand coming down on your ass with a force that sent your knees weak. The ring on his middle finger sent an aching pain across the flesh, but it was so addicting you barely thought twice about it. The stinging sensation spread across your skin, the redness already beginning to darken where his palm came in contact with you. “Take it so fucking good.” He praised, his dark eyes still watching your expression in the mirror. Your eyes fluttered open to meet his gaze, the desperation to please him evident and doing nothing but furthering the frenzy he was stuck in.
“F-feels so fucking g-good.” You gasped, stuttering the words out through a mess of moans. You raised your hips a little higher, sinking your upper half down so he could reach a whole new angle inside of you.
“Such a little whore.” He commented, tugging at your hair and forcing your head upwards. Your eyes raked over your reflection in the mirror, barely recognizing yourself so strung out on pleasure. “Do you like being a whore for me, angel?”
“I love it.” You confessed, your heavy-lidded stare burning into him. “Only for you, sir.” You added, ensuring he knew that now, he was the only one who would ever have access to that side of you.
“That’s right.” He affirmed your statement, his words gruff as his movements grew sloppy. He was being pulled in to the same euphoria you’d experienced at his hands only moments before, the sensation taking hold and growing impatient with him. He needed it, and after his generosity, you would do anything to get him there. “This is all for me now, sweetheart. Nobody else gets to see you like this.” A high pitched whine echoed through the room, confirming his feelings on the matter without any words needing to be spoken at all. You wanted to be his; you didn’t want anyone else to have you like that, ever again. He brought out a side of you that you barely knew to exist, and the thought of letting it go was grievous. “Do you understand me?” He growled, knowing you did but eager to hear it anyway.
“Yes, sir.” You panted, watching as wrinkles formed between his brows, showing you just how hard he was trying to hold back.
“Want to hear the words, baby.” He pressed further, his pace bruising and making it difficult to formulate the statement he wanted you to say. Another moan tore through you, your throat raw as it passed through. You were on the brink of another orgasm, so close but it seemed just out of reach.
“I’m all yours, sir.” You promised, pushing your hips back towards him to meet the time of his thrusts. As his cock slammed into your cervix, your knees went weak below you, threatening to collapse under your weight. He noticed the change in your posture, immediately slipping his arm under your hips to hold you upright.
No matter the circumstance, he wanted you to know that you would never have to worry about falling so long as he was there to catch you.
“Fuck, you feel good.” He let out a strained sigh, his face contorting into an expression of pleasure. He was close, but he wasn’t willing to give in until he gave you one last orgasm.
To you, the thought alone was ridiculous; after everything he’d already done for you, you couldn’t imagine him holding back any longer.
“S’okay, baby.” You breathed, catching his eye so he could see the sincerity in your face. “Want you to cum for me.” You said, your words hitting him like a brick. It seemed to cause a short circuit in his brain, the role switch sending him spiralling in an instant.
You could feel him pull out of you, both of you knowing he couldn’t push himself any further. Something seemed to take over you as he did so, unfamiliar but not unwelcome. You spun around, facing him and quickly dropping to your knees before him. You were nearly saddened at the thought of such an anticlimactic end for him, and the feeling forced you to take action as you moved your head forward and took him into your mouth. You could taste yourself on him as you bobbed your head down to take his full length, the simple fact causing the ache between your legs to worsen beyond anything it had already been that night. You missed the feeling of him inside you, but you were more eager to please him than you were to satisfy yourself.
He looked down at your face, shock written across his features as he processed your sudden change. It didn’t take long for the surprise to be forgotten, especially as his tip hit the back of your throat. His hand reached down, holding your hair in his hand so he did not have to miss a single detail of your face. The warm wetness of your mouth was just as inviting as your cunt, and the sensation furthered his pleasure as if he’d never pulled out of you at all. He didn’t want to push you, afraid that you might not be able to handle the same intensity in the newest position, but when you pushed your head further down on him and his cock slid down your throat, he quickly understood that you were willing to take whatever he wanted to give you.
His hips bucked forward in response to the feeling, and you forced yourself to swallow, your throat constricting around him and effortlessly sending him over the edge. At the same time, the most beautiful sound fell from his lips, gracing your ears and settling deep in the pit of your stomach.
For a moment, you felt like you could get off on the sound of his pleasure alone.
His posture slipped slightly as his orgasm washed over him, his release spilling down your throat as he held you to him. You moved your head against the force of his hand, your tongue moving against the underside of his cock as you swallowed back every last drop of him. A strangled cry left his lips as he pulled back, his hips jutting forward again as you ran your tongue over his tip. The saltiness lingered on your lips, making your mouth water and leaving you wanting more. In that moment, there wasn’t a single thing you wouldn’t do for the man standing before you.
“Get up.” He spat, his shoulders still heaving with his breaths. Your eyes flickered upwards, catching his gaze as you withdrew your head. His tip fell from your lips with a slight popping sound, and you couldn’t bite back the smirk forming on your lips. “You think you can do something like that and finish it there?” He growled, watching as you rose to your feet. He was not angry, and not a single part of his face gave you that impression. He was enamoured with you, unable to walk away without at least thanking you for the service, and he was completely beside himself with desire. “Turn around. I’m not fucking done with you, yet.”
You did as he asked, spinning back around to face the mirror. You sunk back to the position you were in moments before, your hands clamped around the edge of the wooden dresser. Instead of returning to his earlier position, he sunk to his knees similar to how you had done for him, his head between your legs and within seconds, his tongue connecting with your core.
He got straight to the point, so far gone he didn’t even care to tease you anymore as his tongue settled over your clit. Your hips moved back to meet his mouth, in desperate search of more and he barely even started. You were too far gone to care, much similar to him, and your body was still abuzz with the pleasure he had already granted you that night.
“Fuck, Jake.” You cried, your voice raspy and your tone breathy as your eyebrows knitted together in pleasure. His movements were different than before, more messy and much less calculated, but it almost made the entire ordeal even more enjoyable. The knowledge that he was completely feral for you alone was overwhelming, and the fact he was pleasuring you solely because he enjoyed it was something you’d never experienced before. “Please don’t stop, baby.” You pleaded, your heart thudding against your chest and your face hot with emotion. He moaned against you, assuring you he would never even dream of it. The sound appeared much more animalistic than it was before. His hands raised, grabbing your hips and pulling you back towards his face. He was working at you with desperation, like he needed it just as bad as you did.
Your stomach was tense, your legs trembling as his fingers bruised your skin. You were so close, too far gone to care about keeping yourself quiet and without a care in the world about the marks he was leaving on your body. You wanted to remember it, to wake up in the morning and see the dirty details of the night lingering on your skin. In days to come, you wanted to think of the night every time you took your clothes off, living in the feeling of being his just for a moment longer.
“Jake!” You cried, your knuckles white from your grip on the vanity. Your body ached with exhaustion, but you were in such desperate need of another climax that not even that could deter you. He hummed against you, the warmth of his tongue and the vibration of the sound working together to push you closer to the edge. You could barely think straight, your skin tingling with pleasure every time he moved. You worried that you might not survive the fall, the orgasm barreling towards you faster than you could comprehend. Then again, with him holding you, you had a lingering sense of comfort, like you could survive anything so long as he was there to support you through it.
With one last flick of his tongue, you were pushed over the edge and there was no coming back. A strangled whine tore through your chest, your legs locking in place as the sensation took hold. You were crying his name, begging him for something he couldn’t give, because not even you knew what you needed. He didn’t even think of moving away, working you through the process until you rode out the high, and even then he felt like he had to force himself away from you.
When you relaxed against him, you could barely keep your eyes open. You were so tired, so ready to curl up in bed with him by your side. You wanted to sleep soundly, so much so that you could forgo the conversation about what the two of you were and deal with it in the morning. You expected him to feel the same, but he rose to his feet with a whole new surge of energy overtaking him. Wordlessly, he helped you stand upright, spinning you around once more by your hips, but he didn’t let go this time. Instead, he lifted you up, similar to how he did earlier that night but with much more strength due to the lust working to his advantage. You wrapped your legs around him, exhausted but still able to comply to his demands. Your mind was elsewhere, your body working solely to please him as he held you to him with one hand. His other reached out, carelessly clearing the surface of the vanity with one swipe of his arm. The few items toppled over and landed on the floor, and he sat you down on the edge of it.
“I know you’re tired angel, but I need to feel you again. I can’t fucking help myself.” He explained, reaching between you and running his tip through the wetness still lingering between your legs. He was still achingly hard, in dire need of relief again despite his last orgasm only being moments before. Your eyes were drooping so close to closed, but as his cock drifted over your clit, your hips grinded forward into the feeling, in search of the very thing that might be the death of you.
Slowly, he thrusted himself forward, his dick falling into position and slowly pushing inside of you again. Unprotected sex was risky, especially after his previous orgasm, but neither of you seemed to care a bit about it, too desperate to be close to each other again. The sensation of him inside you was too much, the stretch of your walls as he filled you again so much more daunting than the last time. Still, despite your body screaming with overstimulation, you couldn’t deny how right it felt to have him so close.
“You can take it, baby. I know you can.” He encouraged, beginning a slow rock of his hips against you. The newest position allowed for a whole lot more intimacy, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t completely living for it. Your arms raised, locking around his neck and pulling him closer. “Being so, so good for me, baby.” He praised, his hands traveling over your bare back to pull your chest closer to him.
You were completely fucked out, and you had no idea how he was still going. You had a hard time imagining that you had such an effect on him, but the proof was in his actions. This time around, he was much more generous with his sweet side, and had much less control over the sounds falling from his lips. He was desperate, acting as if the control was in your hands despite his dominant aura, like he would die if he couldn’t have you for just a little longer. You never thought Jake Kiszka would be the one before you, pathetically needy and unable to resist the temptation, but you were so glad it ended up that way.
“Come here.” You muttered, pulling his face closer so you could kiss him. The taste of you on his lips still lingered, something that you were growing more used to as time went on. The sweetness of his kiss was nearly too much to bear, a pitiful moan slipping into his mouth as he continued to fuck into you. You were a mess for him, willing to let him do whatever he pleased. The best part about it was that he felt the exact same for you in the moment.
Your tongue glided over his bottom lip, begging for more attention from him. His lips parted slightly, allowing you to slip it into his mouth. The kiss was sloppy, the salvia shared between the two of you soaking your lips and coating the upper part of your chin, but it was addictive. The messiness of the action only made it even more so, and you couldn’t seem to get enough of him.
His chest was pressed against yours, his heart beat wild and matching your own. The dampness from the sweat on your skin caused the two of you to stick together, forcing you to stay in the position. His hands were grasping at your body, doing all he could to bring you closer than you could possibly get, and your hands were tangled in the mess of his hair. Neither of you wanted to break apart, so you stayed just like that for as long as you could.
As you continued to kiss him, the pressure in the pit of your stomach began to rise again, this time different than the last. It had little to do with his hips moving and everything to do with the connection you felt with him. His nose brushing against yours as he did all he could to continue the kiss was euphoric, and you couldn’t believe he wanted you so badly. After so long spent thinking he hated you, the feeling of him loving you was otherworldly. He was holding you with all of the emotion he’d kept locked up for so long, the truth coming out in a climactic and emotional manner. Your legs locked around his waist, pulling him further into you as he continued to fuck you.
For a moment, you felt like you had become one, cohesive being that survived solely off the beating of each others hearts.
You knew you were at the end, that you couldn’t possibly hold anything back. All of your willpower disappeared, your body doing as it pleased and your mind having no say over it. Without confirmation, you believed in your heart that he felt the same way as you did. He could feel the flutter of your walls around him, the telltale sign that you were close to another climax. He continued his pace, never thinking of stopping even for a moment. He needed to feel you in the most primal, visceral way possible.
“Come on, angel.” He muttered against your lips, upping the force in which he was fucking into you. “One more, baby. You can do it.” His voice was strained, like he was teetering on the same edge as you were.
“You too?” You asked, pulling away just enough so you could look over his face.
“Y-yeah,” he nodded, almost embarrassed over the fact. It only seemed to further the burning in your belly, and you wanted him just as bad as he wanted you. Neither of you cared about the consequences, only the intensity of the connection between you as he fucked you closer to the orgasm. In a permissive manner, you leaned toward and pulled him into another kiss, your mouth meeting his own and telling him everything he needed to know.
A groan rattled his chest as his hands fell to your hips, pulling you closer to him as he gave in to the feeling. You did the same, feeling your skin tingle with the intensity you’d felt so many times already. This time was different, more emotional and less physical, but it was a million times better than anything you had ever felt.
Together, the two of you reached the peak, muffling every moan and cry with your mouths. His stature faltered, falling over into you slightly as you held him tightly. Your entire body trembled as the euphoria overtook you one last time, and his hips stuttered as he pulled your hips forward onto him. For the second time, he spilled his release into you, unapologetic as he worked you through your own orgasm. Your body ached from the tension in your limbs, your ribs pained from your heart pounding against them. Your hands loosened on him as you relaxed, the moment passed you by almost as quick as it came.
Reluctantly, he parted from the kiss so he could catch his breath. His forehead rested on your own, and his eyes seemed tired, but full of love. There was no more hesitation, no reluctance or indifference in his gaze. Instead, it was replaced with the emotion he was so determined to confess, and it washed over you like summer rain. It felt better than anything ever had, and you never wanted him to look at you any other way ever again.
Silence became the two of you for a few moments, neither of you having the energy to speak. He rested inside of you, completely content with holding you there as he soaked up the last bit of intimacy the moment had to offer. Your brain was abuzz with thoughts, all pertaining to him, and for once, there was nothing negative. Finally, you were at peace, completely comfortable with the man before you. It felt right. You couldn’t deny the fact, and you were over the moon with the outcome of the entire ordeal.
Eventually, he leaned forward, placing one last, gentle kiss to your lips. It was sweet, soft, and exactly what you needed to come back to earth. A small smile was tugging at his lips as he studied your face, and finally, he spoke. The words were quiet, barely noticeable over the sound of your beating heart, but you clung to them as if it were necessary for survival.
“Let me take you out to dinner. Let me do this right.” He whispered, pulling you closer to him. Your bare chest rested against his own, his arms around your waist and as he held you tightly.
“You sure Little Miss Sunshine isn’t too much for you?” You teased, a tired smile crossing your lips as you rested your forehead against his.
“Never too much for me, sweetheart.” He shook his head, looking over the entire picture before him. He had never felt so lucky in his entire life, and he was so grateful that you decided to take a chance on him even after he’d been so rude to you. As he watched your face, he realized he was almost more excited at the prospect of sleeping next to you than he was over having sex with you. “Little Miss Sunshine’s all mine, now.” He said as a matter of fact, turning his head upwards and pressing a kiss to your forehead.
“I can get used to that.” You breathed, unable to express just how happy you were at the sound of his words. After having him in such a way, you would be stupid to let him go.
“I think I can, too.” He smiled against you, soaking up the warmth of loving you openly. You let your eyes close, leaning against him, content with staying in the position for a little while longer. The warmth of his body was alluring, and for a brief moment, you thought you might fall asleep right there in his arms.
You couldn’t believe the night had come to such a climactic end, and you never would have thought you and Jake would end up in a position like such. You were happy, relieved even that all the years of struggling to connect turned out to be a misunderstanding at the very core. You were excited for dinner, you were excited to share a bed with him, wrapped up in his arms all night long, and you were excited to know him. Finally, you could delve into more than superficialities and small talk about the weather, and you could know the boy that always seemed to make your heart beat just a little faster.
Despite all of the new and exciting things, there was still one thing that remained true amidst the chaos, and that was the fact that under no circumstance would you ever let it slip that Sam was right, because both of you knew that you would never live it down.
#gvf#jake kiszka#greta van fleet#sam kiszka#jake gvf#danny wagner#sam gvf#danny gvf#josh gvf#gvf fic#jake kiszka series#jake kiszka fluff#jake kiszka gvf#jake kiszka blurb#jake kiszka fic#jake kiszka angst#jake kiszka fanfic#jake kiszka x reader#jake kiszka smut#gvf smut#gvf fluff#gvf angst#greta van fleet fluff#greta van fleet angst#greta van fleet fic#greta van fleet fanfic#josh kiszka#builtbybrokenbells#daniel gvf#sammy gvf
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Can I request batboys learn of reader's fake death, she is on a mission and they find her.
Reader can be read as gn or whoever you see fit.
Dick
‘Is that you?’ Dick asks softly as he neared you.
‘No.’ You replied in hopes that he’d leave but you knew deep down that he wouldn’t, not if leaving meant leaving you behind also. Not the way you chose to erase yourself out of the picture for this stupid suicide mission.
Dick on the other hand was hellbent to not loose you again, the house you both built wasn’t a home if you weren’t in it to share it with him and Hayley, the poor dog was still fast sleeping on your side of the bed before Dick left for his nightly patrol; Hayley missed you very much and would whimper when she realises that your scent was slowly fading away.
It hurt Dick more then he liked to admit, and he tried to suppress it for as long as he could but he would often find himself trying to look for you in other people, other things but it always ended with him looking at the pictures of the two of you on the wall and feeling nothing but cold. Everything felt out of place without you but Dick would always try to act as though he was coping better then he was behind closed doors doors, clutching at the clothes you’ll never wear again as he silently sobs into the fabric.
Now here you were stood before him in what people would call as pure coincidence or luck because anyone would give anything to see their lost ones again, absolutely anything, even if it was by morally questionable means and Dick can understand the reason why that might be.
‘I- I wish I could tell you but I can’t.’ You replied, not wanting to put Dick in danger because of the dangerous people you’ve wronged.
‘Why not?’ Dick asked, worried that something had happened when he wasn’t nearby to help.
‘It doesn’t concern you.’ You told him as you tried to make distance but Dick was quick to close it. ‘It does concern me if it involves you.’ He says lowly, gently reaching out to hold your face to make sure this was real and not a dream and when you leaned into his touch, eyes closed shut Dick lets out a relieved sigh as his thumbs stroke your cheeks. ‘So please, don’t make me loose you again. let me help.’ He whispered, resting his forehead against yours.
Now you really couldn’t reject his help, he made it impossible just like how he made it impossible for you not to fall in love with him all over again.
Tim
Didn’t know what to expect from what he was seeing.
He had heard that there was someone of your stature going about town during the night but he wasn’t one to believe it until he’s seen it with his own eyes. So when he did catch of glimpse of you or someone pretending to be you, he didn’t know what to do, he was brought back to where he was when he found out about your supposed death; helpless and confused as to how such a thing could happen.
It wasn’t until your eyes met his did Tim feel his blood go cold from how dull and borderline dead your eyes looked when glaring right at him. There was a flash of familiarity but that was gone before Tim could blink, something was wrong, very wrong but he didn’t know what exactly.
You weren’t…well you.
Now Tim did have dreams about what he’d do if you were to be magically reanimated, brought back to life but those were dreams for a reason, a alternative reality that didn’t abide to realism or the more likeliest of outcomes; this was reality and reality wasn’t pretty and is often disappointing on most accounts.
So Tim stood there, frozen as you made a quick exit, much to the confusion of his siblings -Dick and Damian- who knew how hard your death had struck Tim, they didn’t need to be told how difficult it must’ve been to see your dead partner somehow alive again.
‘Are you okay?’ Dick asks.
‘Somethings wrong.’ Tim said. ‘Why would they feel the need to fake their own death and not tell me about it beforehand?’ He asks himself.
‘Only if someone powerful wanted you dead.’ Damian suggested. ‘What other reason is there besides that one?’
‘If that’s truly is the case,’ Tim began as he looked between Dick and Damian, ‘then why reappear after only a week? It’d be common sense to stay low for far longer until the smoke clears, unless...’
Dick then places a hand on Tim’s shoulder. ‘Looks like we’ve got work to do.’
Tim wasn’t certain what he would do if you ever did come back, but now it seems as though he did know; to save you from whatever has been nipping at your heels.
Jason
Wasn’t sure whether or not the sleepless nights had finally caught up to him ever since your passing, spending them staring at the door to your shared bedroom as though you’d magically walk through it with a smile, telling him that everything that had happened was just a nightmare before kissing him on the forehead and cuddling into his side to fall asleep.
However Jason had pinched his skin that many times to know well enough that was all a fallacy created by his own mind because he didn’t want you seeing the man he’d become from whether afterlife you resided in.
So when he spotted sow thing he believes looked a lot like your silhouette, his body followed after it, much like it did whenever things pertaining to you sparked that sense of familiarity within him, that sense of home and belonging. However this lack of subtly on his end didn’t end up well as he was soon enough laid flat out on his back as your masked face hovered over his.
‘Why were you following me?’ You asked through gritted teeth.
‘I thought you were dead.’ He replied In disbelief.
‘That was the plan until you ruined it.’ You grunted as you pulled him up to his feet, ‘you weren’t followed were you?’ You asked as your eyes shifted from shadow to shadow.
‘No, listen sweetheart-‘ Jason tried to speak but you sharply shushed him. ‘What’s going on, you can tell me.’ He now whispers and you sigh, finding it hard to exist within the same space as Jason without hugging him to death, but you couldn’t risk dragging him into your troubles.
‘I can’t.’ You tell him, knowing that there was a heartbroken expression behind that red helmet of his, ‘and even if I can all I would be allowed to say is that some bad people are after me.’ Jason’s shoulders tensed at this.
‘Why did you say anything earlier.’ He asked, he was holding back from exploding because had this been brought up earlier then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have to be subjected to witnessing your ‘death.’ ‘I could’ve helped you out-‘
‘And risk you becoming their next target? Not thanks Jason I already lost you once I’m not doing it again.’ You tell him firmly but he wasn’t having it, not after what you put him through. ‘And I thought I lost you or has that not ever come to mind.’ He bites back with the sharpness of someone who was deeply hurt by the actions of someone who he loved more than life.
‘Jason.’ You tried to say but you knew him better then most, once his mind had been made up there was little chance to change it.
‘No. I’m going to help you get out of this mess, either you want me to or not, this is my war now.’ Jason tells you as he marched ahead. You sighed as you followed after him.
This was going to be a long night.
#dc imagine#dc x reader#dc x you#dc fanfic#dc fic#dc comics x reader#dc x y/n#dc fanfiction#jason todd imagine#jason todd fluff#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagines#dick grayson imagine#dick grayson imagines#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson fluff#tim drake x you#tim drake imagines#tim drake x reader#tim drake imagine#nightwing fluff#nightwing imagines#nightwing imagine#nightwing x reader#red hood imagine#red hood x reader#red hood imagines#red hood x you
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Dr. Ratios predictions, theories and ideas I have for his lore BECAUSE SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED AND I AM INSANE ABOUT HIM AAAAAAA
‼️INCLUDES DISCUSSION OF LEAKS SO BE WARNED‼️
So, I’m sure if you like Dr. Ratio even a little bit or have kept up with what leakers are doing, you have heard of a little something.
That little something being our new planet in coming in 3.0 is Ancient Greece inspired
Oh boy.
And oh it gets better, thanks Sparkle for playing genderbend Ratio during Cosmoddesy because
Yup, this is his planet.
I’m well aware it will be like 7 months before we start getting proper leaks about this place, but for now, let’s do some speculation shall we, because if there’s anywhere we are gonna get his backstory/lore/a story centered around him, it will be here.
So let’s begin
Whatever the hell I think is gonna happen during 3.0
A) He will serve as a guide for the Astral Express in navigating this planet
I don’t think he will immediately go to them to help, or they will immediately seek out him, but rather coincidentally or through the connivence of circumstance he will end up helping lead us around, at least partially until we really get roped into a conflict.
Or, it’s the other way around, where we kinda are left to our own devices a bit and then something happens and either by his own decision or something that’s forced upon him, Dr. Ratio now has to supervise from now on.
Personally I find the second option way more interesting and I think it has way more potential for angst so I’m going with that one let Ratio be dragged around by a malicious entity or his own experiences I’m so here for it.
B) Something happens.
Wow, descriptive.
Ok, what I really mean is that something bad happens like a prophecy comes true or the express breaks something or a stellaron comes to eat people’s grandmas and Ratio is implicated in it.
And this is where the fun begins, as the nature of what this something is can completely shift the story in very interesting ways.
Perhaps he was prophesied to doom Amphoreous’s civilization with his presence or something, and was abandoned by his parents on another planet?
Perhaps he has connections to the leaders there who desired for him to be their puppet/tool, so he left to find his own path and now they are trying to force him back.
Perhaps he failed at a test of theirs when he was younger, some universal trait on the planet that he couldn’t live up to and was exiled because of it. Now that he’s back, they blame whatever bad thing happens on Ratio.
I actually really like these particular theories as Ratio has a lot of themes about creating your own destiny, so seeing him resist one forced upon him would be compelling. Moreover, I feel as though an arc demonstrating how exactly he wanted to become a Genius/where he got all his insecurities and motivations from is not only necessary for his character but would flesh out the way we see the path of Erudition in general, even if I already really like the way they have gone with it so far.
C) Resolution/Self acceptance
I doubt they will permanently kill him, it just doesn’t suit his character at all.
However, do I think is he gonna get messed up by whatever that “something” is? Yes.
If the story centers on this remains to be seen, honestly, I doubt it will considering we have the entire cast of the planet and its own lore to meet and learn about, but I do think Ratio will be a major player and I hope how he feels gets some of the plot’s focus as we have quite literally only have 1 full scene of him where we see who he truly is, and it’s all the way back in 1.6 (Ratio-Screwllum conversation my Roman Empire).
Like guys I needed this man bleeding out screaming dying crying throwing up clutching his wounds looking up at the screen like a kicked puppy losing all hope in himself and others YESTERDAY
I NEED SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO HIM FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND BECAUSE RATIO IS SO HIGH STRUNG THAT ANY AMOUNT OF PRESSURE WILL CAUSE HIM TO SNAP SO PLEASE HOYO LET HIM BREAK!!!
He needs another scene where he’s being sincere, he needs a scene where he’s being vulnerable, Ratio’s marble facade needs to crumble to reveal the man underneath and I need that man to pick himself back up again knowing he can allow himself to be human as well AAAAAAAAAA
His connections to Acheron
If you have seen my other posts I have already talked about this at length, however the brainrot for this particular detail is all consuming so let me just demonstrate:
Dr. Ratio has the same philosophy as Acheron, an emanator of Nihility.
Look.
Essentially, they both believe that only in desperate situations will humans reach their full potential and begin to truly live for themselves. Moreover, they also both try and offer the tools to help people save themselves, Ratio with knowledge and Acheron with destroying the dreamscape, and that even if people can only become their true selves through struggle, it is the guidance and love of other people that will allow them to pick themselves up.
Interestingly, pre-2.2 I also believed Ratio was walking the path of Nihility, due to how he engages with knowledge. That very viewpoint spawned from the 1.6 conversation I just showed you, as Ratio demonstrates to the audience that he does not care about knowledge in of itself, but rather the value it can bring to people.
Now, this sets him apart from the Genius Society members, who believe knowledge is inherently valuable and that it is what brings the universe meaning to them. Every person Nous has acknowledged has expressed this belief, which is why they were acknowledged and Ratio isn’t.
Before you say it, no, it’s not that he isn’t smart enough, quite the opposite actually.
Screwllum himself acknowledges his genius and time and time again are Ratios myriad of accomplishments brought up. In universe plenty of people believe he should have been instated into the society by now as well:
These are just the ones that implicate the society directly, as so many of Ratio’s character stories also mention just how accomplished he is.
Moreover, in 2.3 we are getting a new Sim Uni update made by Ratio himself, centered on humanity because of course it is, therefore he’s even smart enough to do the same things the GS members do, even collaborating with Screwllum to work on their favorite pet project.
So, what does this have to do with his lack of acknowledgment, and the path of Nihility?
I have established Ratio is smart enough and that he doesn’t view knowledge in the same way the other member’s do. Therefore, this difference in mindset is why Nous has never acknowledged him, because as much as Ratio thinks he is walking the path of Erudition, his personal philosophy and behaviors have never aligned with that, even if he thinks they do.
I mean, the man says it himself, even if he doesn’t realize the implications of it:
“The Path of Erudition has neither reason nor logic. While geniuses wander among the stars, the ordinary can’t even trace their footsteps.”
That is the path the Genius Society members walk, the path Ratio is criticizing in this sentence, the path he refuses to travel along himself, because what defines Ratio is that he will never leave the ordinary behind to stumble alone.
That is the path of Erudition.
And Veritas Ratio does not follow it.
So what does he believe in?
Finding your own path. Forging your own future, in the face of a meaningless universe, that is the only thing we should do, the only thing we CAN do.
“even a life marked by failure is a life worth living”
That’s what Ratio believes.
It doesn’t matter if the masses cannot escape their mediocrity, if they will never be geniuses, if their efforts will go unacknowledged, because the universe doesn’t care, therefore they shouldn’t either. There is no grand test, no final destination, no perfect goal people must attain.
Destiny is uncertain, and people’s fates are theirs to choose.
Dr. Ratio believes people can still improve themselves, and that it doesn’t matter if people cannot reach the ceiling of knowledge, as they should still push themselves off the floor and stand up.
He doesn’t think anything confines people from bettering themselves, and that it’s pointless to deliberate over whether one can achieve perfection or not, they should strive to improve themselves regardless and live their best lives because why not? Sure there’s nothing saying they can, but there’s also nothing saying they can’t, and in the face of a meaningless universe, devoid of purpose, one must create their own, and he dedicates his life to aiding others in realizing this.
Ironically, Ratio does not take his own advice. He can recognize the merits of the masses, but he cannot appreciate his own. Ratio is forever walking forward, but he cannot see the path ahead of him, or appreciate the lengths he has gone, the distance he has traveled, and the lives he has improved.
Ratio spreads knowledge across the universe, believing that is what Nous desires, what the Erudition means, or rather should be, which is partly why he views himself as mundane, as a failure.
Not just because he is as ordinary as any other person, but because Ratio thinks he hasn’t succeeded in his goal without Nous’s acknowledgement. I think he believes that he hasn’t done enough, that he isn’t smart enough, that he will never be good enough, therefore no matter what has happened, Ratio is doomed do be as mundane as everyone else, and his accomplishments will never be worth the gaze of the entity who inspired him to help others in the first place, as that’s what Ratio believes they would want.
However, helping others is not something Nous cares about, it’s something Dr. Ratio cares about. Even if he doesn’t understand or acknowledge it, Ratio’s accomplishments are meaningful, and he has walked his path further than most ever have.
However, that path just isn’t the path of Erudition, it’s the path of Existence.
Initially I believed it to be the Nihility, and in a way I’m not wrong, considering one must cross underneath the shadow of the Nihility to find the Existence, so in a way he is still approaching them.
However, as always, Acheron clarifies everything.
The Nihility envelops all, therefore it is meaningless. And before our final ending, our predetermined destiny (death), we have so many choices to make, therefore we should make them, as it makes both our life and death develop a completely different meaning.
As I have stated, this is what Ratio believes in, even if he attributes it to the Erudition, rather than the Nihility.
Ratio’s entire goal in life is to help others bring meaning to their lives and guide them in the right direction so they can begin to choose for themselves, using knowledge as his means to do so.
Which is exactly what Acheron does, “on the still waters of oblivion, I guide the wandering souls,” isn’t just a line she says because it sounds cool, rather, that is her goal as well. An emanator of Nihility, whose goal is to help others find their meaning in the universe.
But Acheron doesn’t just want that. She is looking for the Existence, and to kill the Nihility (meaningless) forever.
Which is significant, because if Ratio believes the same exact thing she does, and is walking the same path as she is, then like Acheron, he is heading towards the Existence, not the Erudition.
And Nous will never acknowledge him, not because he isn’t smart enough, but because he never followed them to begin with.
In fact, we know what Ratio is, or rather, what he might end up becoming.
So far no Doctors of Chaos have succeeded in their goals, but perhaps Dr. Ratio, Dr VERITAS Ratio, will be the one to do so. After all, who else could it be but him?
How fitting that the man named after truth would be the one to find it.
That fuckass owl
Glaux I want to throw you into a blender
This is Professor Glaux, one of the figures from the Hanunue-Clockie Era of Penacony who did some things like bring the stellaron there, was a scholar of the Intellgenica Guild, became the first dreamweaver, inspired the paper birds, did some shit with the Nightingale Family and presumably died.
I know, horrible explanation, especially considering I haven’t even done the quest this guy is from, but hopefully that’s all the information you need for now so I can introduce you to this theory (which I did not create, sadly I don’t remember who did but it was someone on twitter somewhere so shoutout to them)
That being… Dr. Ratio is Glaux
I hate it I’m sorry. But I will attempt to explain where it’s coming from.
A) Glaux has very similar references to Ratio, aka they are both associated with Greek culture, wisdom and owls
Glaux is the Greek word for owl and they are heavily associated with Athena, the god of wisdom.
Now Ratio has extremely obvious owl, Greek and wisdom association if you have looked at him for any longer than 2 seconds so I’m not gonna bother to demonstrate it, they have similar references, moving on.
B) The Intelligencia Guild + their titles
They are from the same faction, and both are referred to as Professors (ratio gets called that more in the CN version I think), and at least Ratio dedicates his time to spreading knowledge, which I think is something Glaux shared.
C) This occurrence in Gold and Gears
You know, the one where a student kills themself because Ratio thinks they are an idiot.
Well, it’s complicated because apparently the story told in Gold in Gears takes place a long time ago??
How long I don’t know as my brain melted in my skull when trying to piece it together, so please do correct me if I’m wrong, I’ll try to make sense of it later.
Moreover, this is also complicated by the fact that this particular occurrence was used by Herta to teach the trailblazer some mechanics of the sim uni, which makes me thing it’s not a part of the lore/timeline in it in general, and just something funny she added in anyways. Continually, there are also occurrences from characters like Argenti and of the Genius Society members themselves, so I don’t think every event is set in the distant past.
However, I think this idea comes from the other person in that occurrence, Dr. No5, but he also kills himself in it, and I can’t find anymore information on it, so I doubt it. (also apparently in the Chinese version the Ratio they refer to isn’t in the way they refer to Dr. Ratio/the one we know so idk)
Either way, what this means is that if this occurrence did take place a while ago, then Ratio must be super fucking old and he must have been part of the Intellegencia Guild during that time, like a certain owl aka Glaux, who was part of it.
D) Ratio’s weird origins
By weird origins I mean we know jack shit about his past (although we finally know the planet he’s from!) and for all we know the man could have spawned in one day, with some other theories even coming to that conclusion, like the infamous worm theory.
Essentially, if you put this all together, Ratio was once an owl-humanoid named Glaux who was from the Amphoreous, and then became part of the Intelligencia Guild a while back, which is when that occurrence happened. He then went to Penacony, did some stuff, faked his death and like came back as Dr. Ratio on that planet again, which is why we don’t know anything about his origins.
Can you tell why I hate this theory as a concept.
I find it to be dumb, nonsensical, a waste of potential and just straight up random as hell. However it is also objectively valid and could have happened within the plot of the game which is why I hate it so much because please hoyoverse do not go in this direction I will skin you.
However, I do not think Ratio has nothing to do with Glaux.
Rather,
A) The stuff Glaux did on Penacony is meant to parallel how Ratio acted there, as both served as a guiding figure for people on their respective timelines
B) Ratio is the same species as Glaux/ they are from the same planet (Amphoreous).
Now this I fuck with heavily. Yes, Glaux is way more owl looking than Ratio is, however more human versions of his species could exist, and Ratio could just have the ability to like shift forms or something.
He also looks extremely similar to the owls on Ratios design, which I now deem it appropriate to show to you the metric fuck ton of owls in Ratios design.
(there’s a few more btw I just couldn’t fit them due to the image limit LMAOO)
Why do you have so many, and why is it the same fucking owl, same culture, same goddess referenced, same symbolism????
Like even if I hate the 1 : 1 Glaux-Ratio theory, they are clearly connected, and this is no accident on behalf of the developers.
Therefore, I would keep an eye out for Glaux mentions in the future, especially on the planet coming in 3.0, as I 100% believe that they are from the same planet. There’s no way they can’t be connected in some manner, and if I am right about this I will be annoying about it for the rest of time.
I can’t believe owl Ratio might actually be a reality.
So uh, let’s put this all together.
We go to Ratio’s planet in 3.0, problems happen and we learn both his past and his connections to that owl species Glaux is from which likely causes even more problems. Bbg probably gets his ass handed to him in 3.0 and 3.1 and gets to make up for it in 3.2, ending the arc off more fulfilled as a person, and perhaps making some realizations about himself including that he isn’t actually following the path of Erudition. Then we skip all the way to endgame when the trailblazers are fighting Nanook and him and Acheron come in with the steel chair hopped up on Existence juice to give the trailblazer enough of a will to live as to not succumb to the Nihility because oh my god how can you defeat the embodiment of Destruction. We somehow win and Dr. Ratio gets married to Aventurine and they ride off into the sunset roll credits we all cheered.
So, yeah.
If I’m even a little bit right about this I will be the most insufferable person on this planet. Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading this, and even if these theories don’t end up being true I do still think the speculation gives a lot of insight into his character.
#honkai star rail#hsr#dr ratio#veritas ratio#hsr dr ratio#dr ratio hsr#hsr theory#hsr leaks#i am insane about this#I will be insane about it#You don’t understand.#GIVE IT TO ME HOYOVERSE GIVE IT TO MEEEEEE EEE#God I can’t wait for 3.0 I need Ratio to get his ass kicked PLEASEEE#HE NEEDS TO SNAP! HE NEEDS TO SNAP!#Aventurine pls save your husband from my delusions thanks#Acheron#Acheron hsr#she always shows up#I swear
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Thoughts on this as a Sterek AU?:
The vibe of the children librarian is definitely stiles but I think it would be cute if Derek was the children librarian so instead we have this:
Stiles wanted to work with children like his mother did, and the library was the best place. It had become his safe refuge during his mother’s sickness and he hoped to make it a safe place for other children. But he was also hired to keep track of the more magical books.
Derek has hired by the sweet old lady, Ms Beatrice, who ran the beacon hills library. Derek was pretty sure she was immortal. She took one look at him and decided to ignore all the gossip surrounding his name. He was put to work on the front desk because Ms Beatrice thought that would help the rumours and force Derek to interact with people. But also as a werewolf he would how to direct other supernaturals on what research they would need.
When stiles was hired Derek was definitely curious. As there was this bright eyed human who had the softest voice when working with children, but could turn around and insult you with the most venom Derek had ever heard. Stiles wore the most outlandish outfits but somehow looked absolutely ethereal in them. Not to mention seeing the stunning man working with children with his neck on display was ruining Derek’s control of his wolf. Beatrice thinks this this is completely hilarious.
Stiles knows how he acts compared to the other librarians, where he worked. Especially Derek hale, who brightest outfit that stiles had seen him wear, was a medium grey shirt. Not that he looked bad in it. Stiles had struck up a conversation with him a few times, but Derek alway responded with one or two word answers before he turned away. Most people would be off put by this but not Stiles.
Stiles had seen the way that Derek would interact with the quieter kids who didn’t feel comfortable enough around Stiles. With his small smile and bunny teeth, Stiles was so completely over his head. He also saw how Derek would curl in on himself when parents rushed their children away from him with nasty glares - or how his eyes would go blank when a women came on to strong. Stiles was an observer and knew he could be overbearing but there was something about Derek that made it so he couldn’t stay away.
Derek never knew how to answer stiles when he tried to make small talk. His tongue got tied standing so close to stiles in a small area; where all he could smell was ink,snow,home,lighting cinnamon, mate that made his chest hurt. Derek fleas from their conversations before he could embarrass himself by saying something like “hey, I’m a werewolf and I’m pretty sure you’re my mate do you want to get married”
This comes to head when there is an attack on the library, some dumbass tried to get to the magical section and summons a demon (this is beacon hills what did you think would happen). Derek is badly injured after saving Stiles and some of the kids there. Stiles manages to exorcise the demon despite being in shock that his coworker derek hale is Derek Hale, with a capital W. So Stiles, being Stiles decides to big him back to his apartment and heal him with his spark.
(Fuck yeah, getting to the good stuff). Derek wakes up the next morning, just wrapped in Stiles scent, warm and the most well rested he’s been since he was 16. Derek hears stiles in the kitchen and is prepared for judgement, disgust, fear and the worst reaction. Cue his surprise when stiles brings him a tray stacked full of food with a worried look on his face. His wolf goes insane at the sight of his mate courting him and Derek breaks.
Stiles was beside himself when Derek wasn’t waking up. He wasn’t sure how long it takes and werewolf, Alpha werewolf??? To heal from injuries given by a demon. So he made pancakes, everyone loves pancakes right?? He also made hash browns, bacon, eggs and waffles but that wasn’t important. He stacked the tray with as much food as he could carry and hoped Derek would wake up soon. So sue him if he was a little shocked to see Derek, sitting up (Awake) looking at him like Stiles was the greatest thing to happen to the earth since Star Wars.
The two of them end up talking (over each other in the beginning, but a+ for that communication)
“I’m a werewolf / spark”
“WHAT”
Once they both calm down they actually manage to have a conversation and Derek confesses that he was too scent drunk on stiles to have a conversation and stay in control. This makes stiles blush bright red and Derek is obsessed. He really wants to know how far down the blush goes. And it that moment, Derek just upfront asks to court stiles.
Stiles is an absolute gay mess right about now. He tries to tell Derek that he shouldn’t feel obligated to “reward” him after Stiles saved his life. Completely missing the point. Derek sees how insecure Stiles is in this moment and lays everything out on the table.
“No stiles, you’re my mate”
“Oh, Oh”
“Yeah, so please let me court you, let me take care of you.”
Stiles of course says yes!! They court for a week and a half before stiles breaks and demands that Derek has his wicked way with him. So Derek does.
Repeatedly.
The next morning they are officially a couple. Beatrice is so proud. She goes around beacon hills telling everyone that she single handedly got them together. She also goes around telling everyone that she is super excited to be a grandmother.
The sheriff is not amused.
Stiles and Derek get married three years later. Beatrice walks Derek down the aisle. She also tells an embarrassing story of the time when Derek got jealous over a child who declared that they would steal Stiles away from him and stiles would marry them instead. She cries over “her children” getting married and reminds them she wants grandchild before she to old to play with them. She spends half the evening snipping back and forth with the sheriff.
When Beatrice retires, stiles and Derek become known as the heart sickening couple who runs the library.
Thanks for the ask!! This was super fun to right!
#sterek#stiles stilinski#derek hale#stiles x derek#derek hale is obsessed with him#derek x stiles#derek hale deserves nice things#stiles is a nice thing#he fucks stiles until he loses control of his magic#just saying!!#sheriff stilinski#the sheriff has a one sided beef with Beatrice#because that’s his on dammit#he raised him through his delinquency years and ain’t no way someone is out there taking credit for that#teen wolf
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even the years that i retroactively have viewed as the most useless of my life have paid off. ive met and befriended many of my heroes from when i was down bad and doing nothing. however in spite of this any time im down im still like. well. i guess im going to jump into the fargo life size human mulcher and deboner (in order to become less full of blood). anyway every time im in an uber with my buddy anne she says the word transexual minimum like 6 times no matter what the vibe of the driver is and last night the uber driver told us to try the following pick up lines (which he called “jaw droppers”): when a girl asks your favorite food, say that “[you] don’t care about stuff like that, [you] want to get to know the flavor of [her] taste buds.” he insisted she’s never heard some shit like this before, so she’ll either like it and you’ll start making out, or if she’s “a more polite woman” she will be like ok ok, and at that point you say “i’m not trying to nourish your body, i’m trying to enrich your soul.” he said that you say that, this being the “jaw dropper,” and then you “can shove your tongue down her throat.” well me and my buddy anne were losing our minds in this uber. and then she started saying the word transsexual to refer to her previous partners and the guy became strictly quiet. well anyway. the moral of the post is, if you walk around a lot, you notice more stuff. i’ve been walking about 10-15 miles a day for the past few weeks and something i’ve been noticing a lot is one specific sticker around portland which ive seen i think sincerely about 300 different places in the past week. and i’ve been walking some really not well trodden, very annoying routes, and this guy has been putting stickers up in some really strange and not even particularly visible spots. and the thing is, i kind of don’t even like this guy’s sticker, but i do really like seeing it, so i really respect that guy. and last night i made direct eye contact with a guy as he put down a slice of pizza and took out a paint marker to write on a trash can. me personally if i made direct eye contact with someone as i was about to write on a trash can i would probably not do that.
i’ve been making draft posts like this when i get home from a long walk and then not posting them nearly explicitly because i don’t want a bunch of people to read them. sometimes i let one fly and it does get like a hundred notes and i just get pissed off. a few months ago i got so mad about something i kept hitting the ground with sticks as hard as possible and trying to suplex trees and victorian house porch support beams at my friends houses. not to test my strength but rather to feel completely indignantly impotent and to feel myself fail against the weight of the world. i got into a bad car crash and have been disallowed by the weight of the world from driving endlessly and aimlessly through the country and instead have endlessly and aimlessly wandered by foot through a place i have lived in for 3 years but only recently have come to feel like i have any knowledge of. so its hard to say which years are more useless. the years where i was doing stuff people gave a fuck about or the years where i was doing stuff that hurt my legs and feet and i saw more stuff? well at the end of the day i suppose nobody can say for sure…after all, on the internet, nobody knows i’m a seaman.
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Ghost Of Gyu
genre(s):sad angst, heartbreak, sad fluff,sci-fi, fantasy
warnings: mentions of death, suicide,self-harm(so if it triggers you please look away now)
a/n: everything in this fic is fictional, i don’t wish any bad on gyu, his members and his actual personal life
sypnosis: in a world where life after death existed, where you are currently stuck in the middle. you have the option of going back to the real world or you could choose to pass on… what do you do?
wc:5.08k
fic starts under the cut
people often wish they could change things, but only after something goes wrong...
It has been a year since the passing of Gyu’s best friend…
He blames himself for not being there whenever he felt that something was going on...
His friend couldn’t take the pressure anymore…
She tried everything.
tried being the perfect daughter
tried having perfect grades
tried being perfect
and that friend was you
Oh, how he’d wished he had the power to turn back time,
making sure he would always be there for you…
listening to all your troubles…
making time for you…
but most of all he wished he could’ve seen you
one last time
he missed you, badly
missed your laughter
missed your headlocks, when you would scare him from behind
missed your voice
and now he couldn’t ever hear it again…
He knew you weren’t stable and had heard briefly of your suicidal thoughts, but he thought that it was something you would eventually overcome…
but you never did...
you remembered your first attempt...
taking the blade, and gliding it over your thin wrist where your purple veins were peeking through
as you drew it across your wrist, a thin line of crimson blossomed in its wake. Wincing at the sting, but it was nothing compared to the pain that gnawed at you from within.
you continued...until you didn’t feel a thing… you didn’t want to feel anything.
As you watched the blood trickle down your arm, a wave of numbness washed over you.
you sat in your bathroom, left wrist currently filled with blade cuts. you wanted to bleed out until you were dry…
but your sister came home from school and found you in the toilet, she saved you that day
you didn’t ask to be saved
the emotions were too much for you to handle
you were tired of trying
tired of giving a shit about what anyone thinks
tired of listening to the scoldings
tired of the voices in your head
you were tired
"nothing you do will ever be enough" the demons in your head kept reminding you.
you wanted so hard to not give in to those thoughts because, at the end of the day, they were just thoughts… but you weren’t strong enough, so you gave in…
but you being alive, you being you, that was enough for Gyu
but he’d never actually said it to you
always rushing off after school for practice as he was training to debut, you barely saw him anymore
‘Does he even still remember me?’
You had the thought that no one was going to miss you now since everyone was busy with their own lives…
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t strong enough” with that, you sent your last message to the only person you told all your worries to…Gyu…
you waited for a reply but there was none…
and you decided to end it there
You thought of how it would feel, how death would feel like… would it hurt badly?
How would you know whether you were dead?
But all these thoughts disappeared after you took the step off your house building on the 20th floor. As you were falling, the only thing on your mind was that you were finally free...
When you opened your eyes, all you saw was white… you didn’t see any buildings or any people, it was like you were in a square space with just white walls...
Was this heaven? You thought it would have more clouds
You looked down and you didn’t see any blood, you were still in what you wore when you decided to take your own life… your school uniform
You decided to walk around the white room seeing if there was an end where you would hit against a wall, but the more you walked, it was like an endless loop of a never-ending path…
you screamed in frustration, you thought that maybe after dying you wouldn't be suffering anymore
and they must have heard your thoughts, you don’t know who but someone heard your cries.
As you took another step, suddenly an LED see-through pop-up screen appeared right before you, saying:
‘Do you want to see what’s happening in the real world right now or would you like to pass over?’
You asked the screen “What do you mean? Where am I right now?”
And the screen replied: ‘You are currently in the void. Where souls that have unfinished business end up.’
You were thinking of what unfinished business you may have but you couldn’t think of any.
You didn’t have a good relationship with your parents anyway so they wouldn’t have cared that much even if you disappeared
Classmates? You barely had any friends… you only had
Gyu! That’s right, you only had Gyu…
And it started to come back to you… when you were in the void no memories followed you at first but once you started tracing back
You realized that you had a best friend…
You asked the screen, ‘Is Gyu my unfinished business?’
The screen replied: ‘Check it out for yourself?’
Option: Yes or No
You clicked on Yes
You don’t know how much time has passed since your death. It felt like a few minutes, but you guessed time worked differently in the void and in the real world…
When the screen showed Gyu, it looked like he had achieved his dream of being an idol.
Was this really how he looked now? He became more handsome compared to the last time you saw him.
Did he remember you? Or were you a memory that he had to leave behind after becoming an idol...
He achieved his dream so why did he look sad? Shouldn’t one be happy?
Screen notification: ‘Would you like to visit him?’
“I can do that?” You asked
‘Anything is possible here in the void’ the screen replied.
‘Would you like to visit him?’ the screen displayed once again.
Option: Yes or No
Of course, you clicked Yes
‘You will be redirected in 3…2…1’ That was the last thing you saw on the screen before you were pulled backward quickly with your eyes closed.
When you opened them, you were now in the real world.
You looked at your hands, it looked like you were there physically.
With that, you ran as fast as you could towards the address where you recalled your best friend lived.
Ever since you came back to the real world, your memories were all restored. You remembered everything about why you decided to end it all.
But for now, all you could think of was Gyu.
You went to his house, hoping that in the few years that you were gone, he didn’t move away.
Here you were now, standing outside of his door. You were about to ring the doorbell. But when you tried to press it, your hand just went through it.
The LED screen popped up in front of you stating:
‘I forgot to mention, but now in the real world, you don’t have your physical body anymore. You’re a ghost.’
“Wait then how is Gyu supposed to know I’m here?”
‘If the person associated with your unfinished business is thinking of you when you are in their presence, they would be able to hear you.’
‘There are rare cases where the involved party would be able to see you too, but that only happens if they shared a strong emotional connection with you.’
‘Which I think in your case would be easy to do since he is your best friend.’ the screen finished typing.
“Wait so, I can just walk through the door and he wouldn’t even notice?”
‘Yes, that’s how it works. If you have any queries in the future you can just shout Screen, and I’ll help you.’ With that, Screen disappeared.
‘What if I walk in, and it’s another person living in this house?’
‘Ah what is the worst that could happen now, I’m already dead. I have nothing to be afraid of.’ With that, you walked through the cold metal door.
As you wandered through the house, relief washed over you seeing everything unchanged. You wouldn't want to barge into a stranger's home, after all. Passing by the dining area, the sight of old photos brought back memories of carefree days with Gyu.
Ah, the days when deciding what to eat was the biggest worry!
Arriving at Gyu's closed door, you notice a soft light peeking from underneath.
He was home? There was no noise at all.
As you walked through the door, you saw the familiar boba hairstyle lying face flat on his bed. You let him stay that way, not sure of when he will move.
You decided to wait at his table.
10 minutes passed, but he didn’t move one bit.
How was he lying on the bed face flat? Did he not need to breathe?
You were getting worried. So you tried your luck.
"Gyu!" you called out. There was a small jerk from his body, you were thinking that he may have heard you but it was probably very faint.
You decided to try something else. You reached out, this time gently ruffling Gyu's hair. To your surprise, he stirred, his movements sluggish as he shifted and glanced around the room.
His eyes widened in confusion as he searched for the source of the touch, finding nobody there.
As he sat up, you couldn't help but notice the tear stains on his cheeks, stark against his usually cheerful demeanor.
Had he been crying all this time, lying face flat on his bed? Your heart ached at the sight, aching to comfort him in some way.
"Screen" you shouted.
'Yes, what can I do for you?'
"How was I able to touch Gyu's hair, when it didn't work when I tried calling out his name?"
'Hm, it is uncommon but it could be because the anniversary day of your passing is coming up. Through that, ghosts that haven't passed on can get in physical contact with their loved ones.' Screen replied and went off.
'So if I were to wipe away Gyu's tears he would be able to feel me.' you thought.
'But if I suddenly felt something touch my face I would probably be scared too, I should give him a sign somehow.'
You thought of what you could do and decided that you would show a message through his phone.
Right now Gyu was scrolling through his phone, trying to find some sad background music to fill the quiet room, which you took the opportunity.
While he was holding the phone, you quickly slid out of the music app and went to the notes app.
'Gyu don't freak out.'
When he saw that his phone was typing by itself, of course, he freaked out and threw his phone on his bed, scooching to the corner away from it.
You quickly typed, 'I don't have much time, so just think of me now, think of anything about me - Y/N'
When he saw your name… he couldn't believe it, there was no way this could be true.
"Y/N, is it you? Are you there?"
At this moment you were responding to him, saying that you were there, but it seemed that the thought of you wasn't strong enough, you had to get Gyu to think about you more.
'Think about a memory that we had together.' you typed.
Gyu then started thinking back, when was the happiest moment he shared with you?
It was the time when he found out he was going to debut.
He shared the good news with you and you guys celebrated by eating a tub of ice cream.
It wasn't that much but back in the day you guys were still in school and didn't have that much to spend anyway.
Eating a tub of ice cream to celebrate was like a luxury. While eating ice cream at Gyu’s house, y'all would also be playing video games.
He’d remember the times he beat you in the game and you’d be pouting which he found cute at that time.
“Gyu can you hear me now?”
“Yes Y/N, I can hear you. I can’t believe it, you’re here.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” Gyu said.
At this time Gyu's eyes were closed.
“Gyu, could you open your eyes for me?"
And as he slowly opened his eyes, the familiar long sleek back hair, with your pale skin and the familiar uniform, appeared right before him.
"Y/N, I can see you. How can I see you right now?"
"What you can see me?”
"Yes. How is this possible?" he asked still in shock that this is all happening right now.
Without any hesitation in your body, you engulfed him in a hug. Now you were in each other's embrace.
"I can feel you too. How is this all real right now?" Gyu questioned as tears started to roll down his cheeks.
"You don't know how long I've waited to hold you in my arms again. I'm so sorry, I wasn't there for you on the day you left."
"I've regretted it each day, wishing I had only seen your message earlier, maybe everything would have been different. Maybe you would've still been alive."
You didn't know that your death would cause him so much pain and regret. All this time, he was blaming himself because he wasn't there the day you died…
"Gyu, it's not your fault, so please don't blame yourself. I couldn't handle it anymore. Everything was too difficult to bear. I was in so much pain. Pain that I could never explain and never want anyone to go through either. So please don't blame yourself because there was nothing you could've done to help me remove it. This was my only option." You gently patted his back while still embracing him.
"but maybe I could've done something to help at least. I could've made you smile more or spent more time with you. I don't know, just do more but I didn't and I regret it. I regret it so much." he was saying through his tears.
"Oh Gyu, it's okay. Everything has happened, and we can't go back to change the past. It's how we move forward from now on." you said trying to comfort him.
"B..but how is this possible right now? How are you here right in front of me?" right you hadn't explained yourself.
"Well, it's a long story but here it goes," you told him everything that happened from when you opened your eyes in the void up till you reached his house.
"So after I tried ringing your doorbell, which didn't work, Screen informed me of how I could indicate my presence to you."
"So for you to be able to hear me, you would have to be thinking of me while I'm in your presence."
"For you to see me, we would need a strong emotional connection."
"And for you to be able to feel me, Screen said it was because my death anniversary was coming up(in about a month) and through that, ghosts that haven't passed on can get in physical contact with their loved ones."
"So… kind of a lot to digest right now but I hoped it answered all your questions."
You looked at Gyu who seemed to be deep in thought with all the information that you've just dumped on him. But he ends up understanding eventually.
"Wait, so then what's your unfinished business?" Gyu asked.
"Right… I hadn't thought about that. Right now I can't seem to think of why I wasn't able to pass over and got stuck in the void."
"Also how many years has it been since I've passed?" you asked Gyu.
"3 years…" he replied.
"What 3 years? It felt like I was only in the void for 10 minutes! I guess time does work differently."
"Enough about me, how are you Gyu? I mean the reason I wanted to come back was because through the clip Screen showed me, you looked really sad, even though you debuted already. What's going on?" you asked with a tinge of worry about your best friend.
"Oh you know, just busy with practices and dealing with the loss of my best friend. It's been tough. When you left, it was right around the time I was gearing up for my debut. I couldn't let on how much I was hurting from losing you, so I threw myself into practicing for my debut to distract myself."
"Every day felt like utter shit. I would sometimes think to give you a text of how I was doing, how practice was, and then I would remember that you weren't here anymore."
"I couldn't move on. It was really difficult to do this without you."
"Well eventually, I had to accept it because the company realized during evaluation my standards were dropping and they threatened to put me on hiatus if I didn't get my shit together."
You thought that removing yourself from the equation would make everyone happier, but it seemed to Gyu, that you not being there anymore made his life even more like a living hell.
"There isn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you, you know?"
You didn’t know what to say… you didn’t think that anyone would miss you when you were gone…
“I’m sorry to put you through that.”
“But you’re here now!!”Gyu said.
“Gyu… you do know that once my unfinished business is complete, you won’t be able to see me any more right?”
Gyu just sits in silence…
Maybe he had an idea of what your possible unfinished business could be… should he tell you now?
Maybe he should just say that he will help you out first.
“I’ll help you find out what your unfinished business is!” Gyu said.
“Really? Thank you Gyu, I knew I could count on you.” You said as you hugged him again. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, he didn't want it to end. He finally met you again, but now he learned that he had to let you go again? It felt like a cruel twist of fate like being granted a wish only to have it snatched away.
But if it meant that you could be with him longer, maybe he’d be selfish for once and hold the truth from you as long as he could.
Days, weeks, now a month has passed… in a few days, it’ll be your death anniversary.
A few days back you got a notification from Screen that if you don’t figure out your unfinished business soon, you may not be able to pass over and rest in peace… but you will become an angry spirit and be stuck in the real world.
So time was ticking for you, and you didn’t know how to break it to your best friend. After you came back to him, he seemed to be happier.
Smiling like he used to, telling you everything that happens during practice. He was back to being his old self again. He wasn't the sad guy that you saw...
And you were happy for him. But you know that you had to break the news to him soon…
“Hey Gyu I gotta talk to you about something.”
“Yeah, what’s up?” You guys were now sitting in his living room, while he was strumming his guitar.
“I know we’ve been having fun times together like we used to, and I love spending time with you again. It makes me feel like I’m human and real, but…”
“I just got a notification from Screen today… that I’ve got to figure out what my unfinished business is soon, if not I won’t be able to pass over… and I’ll become an angry spirit.”
“Then stay here! I don’t want you to leave me.” Gyu replied.
“Gyu listen… if I become an angry spirit… I probably won’t be the person you know anymore…”
“And honestly I don’t want that… I don’t want to stay here knowing that I’m not myself anymore… that I’ll become a monster that I don’t even know… or a person that you don’t recognize”
“I want to at least go in peace knowing that I’ve left being myself… so I think we should try to figure out what’s my unfinished business.”
At this point, Gyu stopped strumming his guitar. It seems that it was even more serious than he thought. His selfishness may harm you and turn you into a monster and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew that it was his fault that you became an angry spirit…
“How many days do you have left?” He asked.
“Screen said that I have a week left… wait but when he told me it was a few days ago… meaning I only have 3 days left.”
“Wait that’s too soon. 3 days is also the day of your death anniversary…”
“Well, I guess it was already planned out by whoever is watching… that if I don’t figure out the unfinished business I’ll turn into a monster on the day of my death anniversary.”
At this point, Gyu wasn’t sure if his assumptions about your unfinished business were correct. Maybe he needed to confess for you to find peace. Was it as simple as knowing someone loved you? Because all this time, you believed nobody cared.
But there he was, caring more than anyone else, craving your presence desperately. It felt like his unspoken feelings were the real issue, holding you back from resting in peace.
He'd hoped he wouldn't have to spill the beans, scared it might mess everything up. But now, things were different, and he couldn't avoid it any longer.
He intends to confess on the day of your death anniversary, fearing you might vanish if he does it sooner.
Also after you told Gyu about what was going to happen, if you didn't identify your unfinished business, you realized that he had been more clingy than usual.
Even when you were alive, he wasn't like this. He has been trying to hold your hand when he didn't before. Making sure to sit beside you whenever he could. It feels like after breaking the news to him, it made him 10 times more clingier. But it made sense… he was going to lose you forever either way…
You couldn't help but feel bad that you had to put him through your death not once but twice now… maybe if you could change something, you wouldn't have come back to the real world…but you couldn't help it… you wanted to know the reason why he was sad even though he had everything he wanted.
Three days had passed, and it was the anniversary of your death—a day marked by the need for Gyu to confess for you to find peace and closure, the last chance for him to see you.
As he pondered, he wrestled with the timing of his revelation. Should he speak earlier or later? If too late, you might not find peace, and his assumptions might be wrong. Thus, he settled on the afternoon, opting for caution.
Now, seated before him, you wondered about the purpose of this conversation.
"I think I might know your unfinished business," Gyu began tentatively.
"What do you think it is?" you asked in return.
"I have something to confess, something I never found the right moment to tell you while you were alive."
"I felt compelled to take a chance because I've been with you for so long. You've always strived to impress your parents, excel in class, and give your all in everything you do. Yet, you never received the recognition you deserved."
"That's why I believe your unfinished business revolves around knowing someone loves you… What I mean to say is, I love you, Y/N. I have loved you for so long, which is why your death affected me deeply."
"I couldn't bear the thought of losing the person I cherished so much. You were everything to me. You inspired me to pursue my dreams and to debut. I wanted to be someone you could be proud of. I had planned to confess after I debuted, but I didn't get the chance."
Tears welled up in your eyes. You had never imagined being loved in such a way, and now your best friend was here, pouring his heart out to you. It was almost unbelievable.
As this heartfelt exchange unfolded, Screen appeared before you,
‘Congratulations, you have solved your unfinished business. As a reward for completing, you can wish for anything you want except resurrecting from the dead. You have until 11.59 pm to make your wish.’
‘Once it is midnight, you will go to the afterlife, so make sure to use your last moments with him wisely.’ With that Screen went off.
“Y/N, what happened? Why are you being so quiet?” Gyu asked anxiously.
“You were right… Your confession was my unfinished business. I just had to know that there was someone who loved me for me to pass on.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Why do you sound so sad now? Did my confession make things awkward for you? This was why I didn’t want to tell you as I was afraid this might happen.” Gyu's words reflected his concern.
“No, it isn't from what you said Gyu… Screen told me that as a reward, I could wish for anything but being resurrected. And that once it was midnight I’ll go to the afterlife.” You explained.
“So why are you sad then… we already knew that this was going to happen, we should make the best of our last moments together,” Gyu said attempting to lighten the mood.
“Because of the wish I had in mind… it is for you to forget me.” You said softly.
“Hm? What did you say Y/N?” Gyu asked not being able to hear what you said clearly.
"Oh, it's nothing for your pretty little mind to worry about. And you're right! Let's cherish these last moments together happily!" you said with a sad smile.
You didn’t want to do it, but if you wanted Gyu to be happy… you realized that it was time for you to remove yourself from his memories. You were the only thing holding him back from being happy. If he didn’t remember you, he would be happier since he has already achieved his dream.
With that, you called out to Screen, expressing your wish to erase all traces of yourself from Gyu's memory. You couldn't bear the thought of him enduring the pain of your absence any longer. By granting this wish, you hoped he could find true happiness and perhaps even build new connections without the burden of your memory weighing him down.
You instructed Screen to execute the wish only after midnight, ensuring that Gyu would awaken the next morning without any memory of you. However, you also requested to see Gyu from the void one last time after he woke up. Remarkably, Screen granted your request.
For the remaining time, you and Gyu immersed yourselves in each other's company, indulging in activities he enjoyed, whether it was playing video games or simply spending quiet moments together. Your sole desire was to witness his happiness, knowing that it was all that truly mattered in your final moments together.
11.30 pm:
“Well, have you thought about the wish you want to ask from Screen?”Gyu asked, curiosity evident in his tone.
“Hm… honestly I don’t have anything I want anymore so I may not even make a wish at this point,” you replied with a forced smile, concealing your true intentions.
“Hm, since you don't have any wishes, may I make a request from you then?” Gyu asked.
“What is it?”
"Could I just hold you in my arms until I fall asleep?" Gyu requested softly.
You simply nodded in response, finding yourself in his embrace on his bed. He faced you, gazing at your features, unaware that this would be the last time he would recall you.
You remained in his embrace until you noticed his eyes flutter closed.
11.58 pm:
After receiving no response from him despite your attempts to wake him, you finally uttered your last words to him.
"Thank you for loving me, even when I couldn't see it. You've brought so much light and color into my life. I wish for you to discover new shades of happiness and joy, even without me by your side. I deeply regret my selfishness, for not considering the impact of my absence on others. I never imagined my departure would cause you such pain, and for that, I'm truly sorry."
“I know that the time we shared in the last month cannot compensate for the pain you endured over the past three years. That's precisely why I've made this decision. I wish for you to forget me, so you can live your life to the fullest without any burdens or regrets holding you back."
“When you open your eyes, you won’t recall having a best friend, and your life will return to normal. None of this will have happened," you whispered, preparing to depart from his life entirely.
"So with that, I leave you with the wish of forgetting me. I'm sorry for everything, and I wish you nothing but the best. I love you too, Gyu," you murmured tenderly. As the clock struck midnight, you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before fading away from his embrace.
Tears streamed down Gyu's cheeks as he lay awake, having not yet drifted off to sleep. He had heard every word you said. Reluctant to open his eyes now, he knew that upon doing so, he would lose all memory of you.
That night, Gyu eventually drifted off to sleep, tears still staining his cheeks, unaware of when sleep finally overtook him. The following day, you observed through Screen that your wish had been fulfilled.
Gyu appeared to be genuinely happy, without a trace of sadness evident. Witnessing his newfound contentment, you felt a sense of peace and contentment yourself.
“Let’s rest now,” you said to Screen.
With a sense of closure, you proceeded along the endless white path, encountering a door awaiting your arrival. As you reached out to turn the knob and step through to the radiant light beyond, a final message from Screen appeared.
"You have overcome so much; now it is time for you to take your rest, my child," it read.
Grateful for the guidance and support, you whispered, "Thank you for everything," before stepping into the luminous embrace of the light, finally at peace.
masterlist
ahh started this on 31May T-T, took me a while to figure out how I wanted the story to flow, ended up finishing it in 9 days, longer compared to all my other fics that I've written. Now this is my longest fic, I'm not sure what was going on in my mind when I was writing this(now thinking back something happened at home, which made me write this, don't worry I'm not the one I referenced in the story) but I hope that even though that this isn't my usual fluff fics, I hope you guys take your time to read this because I feel that it holds many emotions that we may have or had regarding regret of not being able to do much once a love one is gone.
I really hope i did this fic justice ahh. But once again if you enjoyed it and if it brought some sad feelings out of you, please let me know in the comments below!!
Thank you for taking your time to read my fic, I appreciate everyone of you. See you in the next one my lovelies🥹🫶🏻🤍
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wasted (leehan x fem reader) pt 2
paring: leehan x fem reader
genre: smut, fluff, angst, fuckboy!leehan
word count: 8k
summary: tumbling into bed with Leehan isn’t so uncomplicated when you’re forced to set parameters around your relationship.
warnings: explicit sex scenes, oral (female receiving), more butt action but nothing crazy
read the fic on AO3 should you please by clicking HERE.
“So. You and Leehan?” questions Jaehyun as you now find yourselves alone, walking back to campus with your borrowed textbook now in tow.
You shrug, feeling like there’s nothing to tell as you process the now mere second interaction with the aforementioned stranger. “It’s nothing. We just hooked up at a party once.”
When you went to that house party a few weeks ago with your roomate, looking for an excuse to get drunk, sex was not on your mind at all. Still, it happened, and it was satisfying, but you truthfully spared no additional thought to that night in the aftermath, outside of a few occasional ripples up your body anytime a particular flashback popped into your mind.
“Are you, like, into him?” asked Jaehyun, who you were sure was asking so that he could know if there was any expectation on your end for him to play matchmaker. Or, maybe he wanted to warn you first, tell you about all of the strange things Leehan does as a roommate that would make your skin crawl. Either way, you weren’t interested, not even sure how deep your attraction to Leehan went or even if you’d see him again before you could think about any further action.
“He’s a little strange,” you reply, “But I’m attracted to him.” Not to mention how good of a fuck he was, you think to yourself, withholding such candor from Jaehyun who you’re sure has heard enough.
“Well,” said Jaehyun, opening the door for you as you reached the building of your morning class, “If you want to see him again, me, him, and a couple of our neighbors are driving out to the countryside to see the lunar eclipse this weekend. It’s supposed to be super pretty out there. Plus, I know you wanted me to tell you if me and friends were ever going out, and well, this is about as exciting as it gets.”
You contemplate the invitation with earnest, thinking through your homework load and wondering whether or not you can afford a weekend spent off-campus.
In your pursuit to try and make friends as you settled into this new campus community, you’ve been hopefully awaiting Jaehyun to inform you of any activities he and his friends were partaking in.
Leehan’s presence wouldn’t necessarily be a bonus, but it also wouldn’t be a detractor either. Maybe Leehan takes the one in one-night stand seriously. Maybe, he won’t be interested in interacting with you at all.
Or maybe, you’d have the chance to get to know the person who thus far has brought an unprecedented amount of excitement to your life.
“What time are you leaving?” you ask Jaehyun eagerly.
You meet Jaehyun and his friends outside in the parking lot of their apartment complex on a breezy, Saturday morning.
In the swarm of new people you meet, a mixture of Jaehyun’s neighbors and classmates, you don’t immediately see Leehan, and for a second, you wonder if maybe he decided not to come.
It shouldn’t matter to you, really, and yet you can feel disappointment swelling hot inside you at the observation of his absence.
That is, until a few moments later, when he comes out from the front seat of a nearby parked car. Judging by the various bags he leaves on the dashboard, you can guess that he’s probably coming back from a store run.
He joins the eight or so of you huddled outside and says nothing to directly acknowledge you, although you suppose he shouldn’t have to. At this point, you’re still nothing more to each other than strangers who are perhaps – at least on your end – hoping to get to know each other a little better.
You notice how handsome he looks as his long hair is tucked neatly behind his ears and the glasses you’ve seen him wear before are hung neatly into the collar of his white shirt.
“Alright, so me and Leehan are driving,” says Jaehyun, standing in the middle of the circle you’ve all naturally formed. You watch him scrunch his eyebrows as he makes a quick count of how many of you are there.“There’s space for four in mine, and three in his. So we can just split up that way.”
Your first instinct is to ride with Jaehyun, the only person who you truly know and are comfortable with. But four of his friends are closer and quicker than you are, and not wanting to make an issue, you can only watch as they pile into his car before you can say or do anything.
“Well aren’t I just lucky?”
You turn around to face a smirking Leehan, whose deep and sultry voice was recognizable even before you saw him. You don’t know what to say so you just laugh, getting into his car and quickly moving past the fact that both his voice and closeness just now made your entire body buzz with excitment.
Bad with names, you could barely recall any of the friends who Jaehyun introduced you to, but luckily the two people in the car with you and Leehan are those whose names you happened to remember. In the front seat with Leehan was Riwoo, whose calm voice and demeanor immediately gave you the impression of someone you’d get along well with, and in the back with you was Sungho, who you remembered because of his resonant laughter.
“So, Y/N,” says Leehan, only seconds after you’ve pulled out of the parking lot. “Tell us about yourself.”
You can’t tell by his tone whether he’s joking or being serious, nor can you catch his expression through the rearview mirror. So, you simply shrug. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re the new person here. We want to know everything you have to share,” he replies, and if it weren’t for the encouraging hums of agreement from Riwoo and Sungho, you’re sure you’d brush him off and say nothing at all.
‘Well, I’m a transfer student,” you explain, delving into the reasons behind your decision. It was mostly because you wanted a different experience, something intimate and small, unlike your previous school. “I used to go to a school in Tae-an.”
“Tae-an? You guys get a lot of fish down there, don’t you?” perks up an excited Leehan, and when you raise an eyebrow in confusion at the sudden switch in topic, Riwoo is quick to explain.
“Don’t mind him. He’s obsessed with fish. It’s half the reason why he wanted to come out to the countryside with us,” he says, and Sungho laughs along as if this is something they make fun of him for all the time. You notice how Leehan doesn’t seem to take this personal at all, in fact looking almost prideful at his friends’ observations of his interest.
You decide that it’s something you like about him, how he has such a unique way of thinking and behaving and doesn’t seem to care when others point it out.
“Anways,” continues Riwoo. “How are you liking it here so far, Y/N?”
You take a second to consider the question. In the month or so since you’ve started class, spending this time today with Jaehyun and his friends is truly the most enmeshed you’ve felt on this new campus.
“It’s nice. I’m grateful to Jaehyun for showing me around. The people I’ve met so far are really cool.”
“Are they?” quips Leehan, meeting your gaze in the rearview mirror. Everything about the way he looks at you is flirtatious and suggestive, even as you’re in a car with other people. “Well, consider yourself welcomed.”
You spend the rest of the car ride answering questions about yourself, most of which are directed by Leehan. And as hard as it is to read Leehan and his motivations behind such interest, it feels nice to be the subject of attention. To hear his breezy laugh when you say something sarcastic or watch his face scrunch in concentration as he listens to you tell a long story.
It’s about two hours into the drive that the four of you make a stop in the parking lot of a grocery store. Riwoo, Sungho, and Leehan use the time to get out and stretch their legs, while you go inside to buy snacks.
When you return from inside the store, you’re surprised to see everyone but Leehan still outside of the car. Before you can ask what’s going on, Sungho opens his mouth in explanation.
“So, apparently Leehan found a bungee jumping place on his phone nearby,” he informs you passively, “and says we’re taking a detour to go to it.”
The last words you were expecting to come out of Sungho’s mouth, you almost bust out laughing, but can tell by both Sungho and Riwoo’s matching expressions of non-plussed sincerity that these are the sort of hijinks Leehan gets up to all the time.
So when the three of you pile into the car and Leehan excitedly exclaims, “Let’s go bungee jumping!” you can only sigh and lean your head against the window tiredly.
Just before you arrive at the bungee jumping facility, Riwoo and Sungho ask to get dropped off at a nearby restaurant, disinterested in being a voyeur to Leehan’s irregularity. Sharing the sentiment, you’re just about to follow them out of the car when Leehan twists his body around to face you. “You’re doing it with me, right?”
All you can do is laugh, unable to take him or his spontaneous thrill-seeking serious.“You’re fucking crazy.”
“Said the detractors of every genius ever,” he retorts, smiling as he watches you react in disbelief to the pure sincerity behind his words. “C’mon,” he urges, laying a hand on your knee. “Don’t make me do this alone.”
The touch of Leehan’s fingers against your knee brings warmth even through the fabric of your leggings. You don’t understand how you got to the point where someone you barely know could convince you to do such an extreme activity like bungee jumping with them, and yet, you find yourself considering it as you melt under Leehan’s touch and curious personality.
“I’ll go up with you, but that’s it,” you relent, fighting back a smirk as Leehan jumps up in his seat at that.
“Atta girl,” he replies, making your stomach swoop, and then you’re back in motion as he pulls the car out of the restaurant parking lot.
You arrive at the facility just a few moments later, finding it relatively empty and breezing through the process of signing waivers and other paperwork. That just leaves the two of you to walk side by side as you get on the elevator to the jumping platform, Leehan already strapped up and ready to go while you just linger for moral support.
Leehan runs a hand through his hair, causing the strands of his brown locks to cascade across his forehead. “I’m so excited. I’ve wanted to do this for forever,” he remark excitedly. The elevator rises into the air, making your stomach drop as you peer through the glass window and notice how high you are.
“This is higher than I thought it would be…:
“Don’t be scared. I’m here, aren’t I?” Leehan replies, a joking tilt to his voice as he smirks at your puzzled reaction.
Amused at the presumptuous notion that his presence would bring any kind of comfort to you, you raise a curious eyebrow, asking in derisive sarcasm, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“It means I won’t let anything happen to you,” he declares sincerely, though like always you can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. Because while his words seem purely absurd, he says them with such shocking clarity that it’s not hard to feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Plus, he does spontaneous things like this – taking a detour from a road trip to go bungee jumping – with such confidence that it gives credence to the idea that he’s a person who is serious in all of his crazy ideas.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
It seems crazy to admit to yourself that, for reasons you can‘t understand, you actually feel like you do trust him. You also hate the way that his smile seems to unlock all types of hidden depths of desire deep within you, a feeling beyond just nerves overtaking you until you have to look away to keep yourself from smirking.
“Stop talking nonsense. I think the adrenaline is making you delirious,” is what you mumble when you don’t know what else to say, and the sound of Leehan’s laughter in the aftermath let’s you know you're not convincing anyone by trying to appear unaffected by his flirting.
With a shaky thump, the elevator reaches the jumping platform. You watch from a slight distance as an attendant attaches a series of ropes and hooks to Leehan’s harnessed back. He peers playfully over the railed edge of the platform, where at least 100 meters of air meet him. And although his expression remains passive, he nervously says, “Wow, this actually is really high. I just might die today.”
Still leaning over the edge in a way that causes you anxiety, he continues after a wry laugh that makes it difficult to tell if he’s joking or not. “I’m too young to die. I haven’t accomplished all of my goals. I haven’t even graduated college. I haven’t been in love.”
Whether he’s being serious or not, you still can’t help the “Don’t say that,” that leaves your mouth automatically at his words. And whether it’s because he’s pleased to hear you expressing concern on his behalf or simply another one of his strange moments of variablity, he meets your gaze and goes from deadpan to smiling.
“If I do die, I’d die happy knowing your pretty face is the last thing I see,” he remarks passionately, and the corny-ness of the sentiment makes you roll your eyes disbelievingly. Leehan’s grin never wavers. “I’m gonna convince you to jump too, you know.”
You should probably be more resistant to the idea, and yet there’s a part of you that feels more assured seeing Leehan do it all so fearlessly. “Now that I’m up here…” you hear yourself say, taking a second look over the edge of the rail and finding yourself surprising calm at the image. “I just might.”
“Wait for me. I want to be there when you jump. I’m serious,” he says. When you meet his gaze, you almost laugh at loud at how sincerely serious he looks, how he goes from playful to passive to passionate so easily.
The attendant finishes all of the safety precautions, giving Leehan the go-ahead to jump whenever he’s ready. But he remains where he’s standing, gaze never leaving yours as he once more says, “Tell me you’ll wait for me. If I’m gonna die right now, I need to hear you say it.”
It would be so easy to dismiss his passion as insincere, something to not take seriously, and yet you don’t. You acknowledge then that there’s no one quite like Leehan, no one who has managed to make you feel the things that he’s done in such a short amount of time.
“I’ll wait for you.”
Leehan smiles, and it really does seem like he needed to hear that, because he’s immediately bracing himself to stand on the very edge of the jumping platform, no rail to hold him back, just his own will. “Thank you, Y/N. We good to go?” he asks to the attendant, and when he’s given the thumbs up, he takes one last look over his shoulder to meet your gaze. “See you on the flipside, Y/N.”
It’s with those parting words that he leans headfirst into the abyss, bundles of rope cascading after him as he takes the plunge into the open air.
He doesn’t let out a scream or a squeak, just jumps effortlessly, as if he isn’t scared of anything.
His fearlessness is something that you’re simultaneously intimidated by and in awe of.
The attendant turns to you and asks if you’d like to go next. You’re replying yes, and in the next second you’re being strapped up in a harness. Leehan, who you were sure would be getting heralded into a boat and brought back to land by now, yells something that makes a lot of non-fear related butterflies flutter in your stomach.
“Wait for me, Y/N!!!”
Whatever it is that’s drawing you to Leehan so magnetically has you bungee jumping with him not just once, but five times. And with the permission of the attendant, you even jump a few times together at once, legs wrapped around his waist in a tight embrace and head buried in his neck to keep yourself from screaming in his ear.
Once the adrenaline high has run it’s course and you’re back on the road, Sungho and Riwoo in tow, you find yourself worn out to the max. You fall asleep against the car window, lulled to sleep by the faint sounds of tire against pavement.
You don’t know what time it is when you’re woken up by the sound of lowly-spoken voices, only that it’s dark outside. Someone must have put a blanket over you, because you can only see through the little piece of light not obscured by the soft fabric over half your face. Thinking you might still be able to fall back asleep, you remain still, only to hear something from Riwoo that catches your attention.
“Hey, what happened to that girl you were with? What was her name? Matty?”
You hear a soft chuckle that you immediately attribute to Leehan, an assumption that’s confirmed by the next words you hear out of his recognizably low, deep voice. “Nah, I think you’re talking about Natty.
“Me and her were never together. We were just hanging out for a couple of weeks.”
“Just hanging out, huh?” repeats Riwoo, disbelief and disapproval all mixed together in his softly-spoken voice. “You’ll never settle down, will you, Leehan?”
Wondering why Sungho hasn’t chimed in, you open one eye just slightly to confirm that he’s snoring softly in the seat next to yours. And in the moment where your eyes are slightly squinted open, you swear you see Leehan’s head jut over his shoulder, almost if he was trying to confirm if you were still sleeping or not.
You must’ve closed your eyes at just the right time, because his next words are, “Why when I can fuck anyone I want?”
In the same sense of poorly fitting clothes, words of these sort just don’t sound right coming out of Leehan’s mouth, but you remain silent and still under the guise of being asleep. You’re not sure how to feel in reaction to what you’ve overheard — on one hand, the camaraderie you’ve developed with Leehan so far doesn’t negate the fact that the two of you have no sort of formal relationship. You don’t even think you could call him a friend, not with the little time you’ve spent together.
And yet, you still feel a hot mix of disappointment swirling inside of you just the same at the news of him not being the person you thought he was. But even just making that internal acknowledgment makes you feel stupid and childish – when did he ever promise or do anything to imply something of substance?
“Are we here?” asks Riwoo, breaking you out of thoughts that grow more complicated with each second you have to stew on them.
“Yeah, wake everyone up,” says Leehan, and then, you have to pretend like you weren’t alert listening to their conversation as Riwoo softly shakes you awake.
Jaehyun and his group, who made it to the hotel first, are already waiting outside as you, Leehan, Sungho and Riwoo pile out of the car. After the eclipse is over, you’ll stay here overnight and drive back to campus the next morning.
Jaehyun was in charge of booking the rooms and thus goes inside by himself to handle the check-in process. The rest of you wait outside, where the nighttime chill has you wishing you would’ve brought a jacket. You wrap your arms around your body in an effort to warm yourself.
You’re caught off guard for a moment when a wool cardigan is placed onto your shoulders from behind. Turning around to find Leehan behind you, you let out a sigh. “You scared me,” you grumble.
“Boo,” he halfheartedly exclaims before wrapping the jacket around your body tightly. It leaves him in just a t-shirt. “Here. You look cold.”
You know you should take the gesture for what it is – a simple, kind thing to do for someone you see shivering in the cold – but after what you heard earlier you find yourself searching his dark eyes, wishing you could read him now more than ever.
“Thank you,” you reply softly, hearing your voice come out lower than intended and hoping he doesn’t notice as he walks away aimlessly.
It’s at that moment that Jaehyun comes out from the hotel lobby, holding a packet of keys in his hands and announcing, “Hey. They accidentally gave us an extra suite, and since they’re not busy, we get to keep it.”
There’s a chorus of cheers and commentary among the nine of you that’s interrupted by you asking, “How are we deciding room assignments?”
“Rock, paper, scissors is what we usually do,” answers Sungho sensibly from beside you, and with that, everyone gathers in a circle for the game. Not invested in where you’ll sleep, you play rock each round, and somehow end up winning against Riwoo for the solo room.
“It’s a shame,” you remark, staring down at your winning fist a little regretfully. “Just as I was beginning to get to know you guys, and I get heralded off into the room by myself”
“It’s okay, Y/N. Thanks to Leehan, we probably already know your entire life story,” says Riwoo kindly in consolation.
“True,” you concede. Your gaze flits over to Leehan, looking to see if he had any reaction, and you find him staring blank-faced into the sky. You notice how he often has these dreamy moments where he seems to be in his own world, unchallenged by what’s going on around him. It’s hard to relate to someone so strange, and yet the fact that he marches to the beat of his own drum is one of the things you find most attractive about him. Maybe that’s why you’re having such a hard time reconciling with what you heard in the car, unable to imagine a person like him doing the things he spoke of.
“Well, the eclipse doesn’t start until midnight,” announces Jaehyun, looking down at his watch. “So I guess we can chill in our rooms and meet back outside when it’s time.”
Jaehyun gives everyone their room key, and from there you head inside and find your suite on the first floor. The first thing you do when inside is take a nice long, hot shower. After a full day spent sitting and sleeping in the confines of a car, the hot water is just what you need to feel energized again. You change into something comfortable and are drying your hair when suddenly, you hear a knock at your door.
“Who is it?” you shout as you make your way to the peephole, thinking you’ll see housekeeping with an extra towel or a neighbor complaining about you using up all the hot water. Instead, you’re faced with the distorted image of a dawdling Leehan as he leans against your door.
“Who do you think it is?” you hear him say in his deep, sinewy voice, and through the peephole you can just make out the smirk on his face – he hasn’t even done anything yet, and yet you already feel butterflies erupting in your stomach as you’re opening the door to face him.
Leaning against your doorframe in the t-shirt and sweatpants you’ve seen him in all day today, you watch Leehan look almost guilty, like he’s doing something he isn’t supposed to by coming to your room like this.
“Are you playing Mr. Anonymous again tonight?”
Leehan, as if considering the question you intended to be sarcastic seriously, furrows his eyebrows in concentration. “I don’t think so. Are you gonna let me in?”
You take a few seconds to consider the request, although mostly for show. Truthfully, it’s a little embarrassing how your body is already buzzing in reaction to his presence, how you become girlish and flattered inside at the idea of him seeking out your company like this.
Opening the door to let him inside, you watch as he immediately goes to sit on the edge of your bed. You close the door shut behind you and go to stand over him, though several feet away. “Why are you here?” you ask softly. Not at all opposed to his company, you’d stil like to hear what brought him here.
“Why do you think I’m here?” he questions back with a sheepish grin.
You roll your eyes at what is clearly him playing coy. Why make the move in coming over here if he wasn’t going to be direct? To waste your time by not being clear with what he wants? “You ask a lot of questions in response to other questions,” you point out with a frown.
“Sorry. It’s the philosophy major in me,” he explains in clusmy apology, leaning back aginst his palms and letting his eyes roam you. “You look pretty with your hair wet.”
Done trying to force explanations out of him, you simply remain silent and watch him watch you, and for someone whose usually so hard to read, you love how easy it is to tell when he’s checking you out. Now that you think of it, since you’ve known him, it’s been moments like these – when he’s on top of you or eating you out from the back – when you’ve truly felt like you understood and related to Leehan.
You take a few steps forward so that you’re standing just in front of him, and the way his gaze never leaves your body the entire time causes your insides to jump. “Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask, when it clearly seems like he won’t be the one to break this silent tension.
“Because I want to fuck you,” he replies assertivley, being as direct as it gets, and his unfiltered candor causes the both of you to giggle at once. He follows up by asking shyly, “Too honest?”
“You’re crazy,” is all you say in responsw, moving forward even more so that you’re directly slotted between his legs. He raises a hand up to rub against the back of your thigh, and the fact that his hand is big enough to reach across the entire width of your leg makes you shiver.
“If you’re not in the mood, tell me, and I’ll leave,” he says, avoiding your gaze when he does. Perhaps he’s assuming that your lack of immediate action means you’re not interested when really, you just find it fun to not make it easy for him. He must be so cocky to think that just by expressing his desire to fuck you you would immediatly fold. Humbling him, even in the smallest ways, lets you feel like you’re in control of this dynamic when honestly – both of you know that by the end of this interaction, no matter how long you drag it out, he’ll have gotten what he wanted.
“So if I say no to you, it means I’m not in the mood, and not just that I’m not into Leehan?”
Leehan throws his head back in laughter at this. Loving the sound, you let out a giggle as well. “I think you’re a lot of things, Y/N, but you don’t give liar. I'm at least 80% sure that you’re into me,” he declares.
And that’s what’s so funny about Leehan – he can go from annoyingly confident to unsure within seconds. “Oh yeah? And what’s the other 20%?” you question in amusement.
Leehan shrugs, bringing his broad shoulders to your eager attention. “A man can never be too confident, can he?” he quips, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue.
It’s at that moment that you decide you’re tired of making him wait – taking pleasure in the way his pupils grow wide in attention, you move to straddle his waist, using the shoulders you were just fawning over to support yourself. “Well, you’re bad at math Leehan – what’s your last name?”
“Kim.”
“You’re bad at math, Kim Leehan,” you mumble, leaning down to kiss his plush lips.
Whatever banter or power dynamics that were present before are forgotten the moment his lips are on yours. He’s just so good at kissing, always making your stomach flutter with the way he deepens the kiss by pulling you in by your hair and how he quickly progresses to tongue. Beforew you know it, you’re flipped onto your back, arching your back as his hands wander your body.
“I have to tell you, Y/N,” he opens his mouth to suddenly say, pulling away from your lips as he goes to rid you of your shorts. “I don’t usually do two time hookups. After the first time, I thought I’d never you see again.”
Your chest rises and falls with the weight of several shaky breaths, desire racing through you as Leehan just plays with the little bow on your underwear, looking up at you as he awaits your response. “And is that what you wanted?” you ask. “To never see me again?”
“Not particularly. Still, that’s usually how these things go,” answers Leehan in an almost unfeeling way, something you don’t dwell on as the yanking of your underwear down your legs brings your attention to more important matters. ”But then you show up here, all pretty and badly-behaved, I couldn’t wait to get you alone.”
You’re not even given a chance to laugh at the words he uses to describe you before he lets a single, thick finger slip into your wetness, the stimulation of which has you already moaning, arching your back. He pushes it in and out of you in slow, teasing movements that are made lewd by the sound of your wetness gushing in and out with his finger. When he goes knuckle deep, curling the digit inside of you, you throw your head back, asking for more.
“I wanna make you come, Y/N. I wanna make you come so bad.”
“So do it,” you mumble in response, once again struck by the intensity of him giving you pleasure like this while keeping his eyes locked on your face. Despite your pleading and his own admitted eagerness to please you, he maintains a steadily slow pace as he continues to push his finger in and out of you.
“I have to let you know something first,” he says, and although you hear him take on a more serious tone, you don’t pay any mind to it, too focused on your building pleasure to analyze another one of his characteristic changes in disposition. “I’m not interested in being your boyfriend. Or anyone’s boyfriend for that matter.”
You slightly perk up at these words, wondering why it’s so important for him to tell you them now after he’s already took your clothes off and began fingering you into bliss. You don’t say anything in reply, only moan, hoping he’ll add another finger as he continues his languid movements.
“And if that’s an issue for you,” he continues, his voice grave and deep. “If you can’t fuck me knowing that, then we should stop now.”
To perhaps emphasize how serious he’s being, Leehan takes his finger out from you in one sudden movement, leaving you empty and unsatisfied. It has it’s desired effect because you find yourself sitting up, finally taking real consideration of his words.
“But if you still want me,” he says, the two of you face to face in a way that lets you see the absence of amusement in his expression for the first time since he started talking. “Then dare I say that I’ll look foward to this becoming a regular thing between us. Should you want that, of course.”
He runs a hand through his hair, perhaps expressing a bit of nervousness as he awaits your response to this sudden proposition you’ve been given. Finding it hard to take any of his musings serious, you reach a hand up to cup his cheek. “I mean, you’re not wrong,” you assert with a tilt of your head. “Why settle down when you can fuck anyone you want?”
Immediately understanding what you’re referencing, Leehan smirks. “You heard that?”
“Yeah,” you confirm with a pitying half-smile, “and it almost made every bit of attraction I had for you dry up.”
Even as Leehan smiles shyly, looking down to avoid your gaze, you still don’t get the feeling that he’s at all regretful about what you heard him say. “I mean, was I wrong?” he raises, running his fingers along the skin of your bare leg. “Right now, you’re what I want, and I’m fucking you, aren’t I? Is that not what this is?”
Faced with the reality of Leehan’s advances for the first time, you have a hard time deciding how you feel about the proposition he’s posed. You feel pulled to Leehan in a way you haven’t felt for anyone, ever. And a part of you is disappointed and maybe even a little sad that he’s basically asking you to boil down a dynamic you were curious to watch grow to just detached, casual sex.
Earlier, when you went bungee-jumping, it stuck with you when Leehan mentioned never having been in love before. Is this why? Because he prefers relationships that are devoid of any true emotional connection?
You could say no and remain friends. You’d be able to watch your relationship play out in a platonic manner. But that would be denying yourself of some of the best sex of your adult life, not to mention the pure herione that is feeling sexually desired and wanted by him.
Faced with such a dilemma, you defer to your instincts. And instinctually, you’re inclined to believe that maybe you and Leehan were meant to meet this way. Before now, you don’t think you would have ever went for someone like Leehan with romantic intentions.
He’s too wayward, too free-spirited.
And yet, your paths were brought together in an unlikely way, and perhaps you should lean into the feeling that caused you to follow him into a stranger’s bedroom just a few weeks ago – the promise of mindblowing sex.
“You’re an enigma, Kim Leehan,” you declare with sincerity. “I don’t want to be your girlfriend either. No offense.”
“None taken,” he replies with breezy indifference, bringing his hand to lay over the one you have on his face. “But don’t say that so easily. You don’t know me well enough yet.”
You roll your eyes at yet another show of cockiness from him. “And are you saying if I did, I would fall for you?”
Even as his expression remains passive, he replies forebodingly, “Isn’t that usually how these things end?”
You’re not sure what to make of that statement, so you decide not to respond. “Like I said, I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I do, however, want you to fuck the shit out of me. You’re capable of that, no?”
Leehan stares at you like he’s only now just capturing you and your essence, and his expression is that of someone in awe. It makes your heart and core flutter at the same time. “I really hope you mean it when you say you don’t want to be my girlfriend, Y/N,” he mumbles, and then, he’s leaning in to kiss you.
It’s as if there was never a lapse in intensity as you’re quickly brought back to the passion and vigor from before through the strength of Leehan’s kiss. Sliding his hands underneath your legs, he scoops your entire body up and positions you so that you’re laying down directly underneath him. It’s from there that he takes your shirt off, finding you braless underneath and wasting no time in attaching his mouth to your nipple.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he mumbles reverently, hands caressing the sides of your body as he switches from licking at your hardened nipple to talking. “You don’t understand how much I’ve been dreaming about this pussy since I had it.”
You want to tell him how flattering it is to hear that he’s been thinking about you in the time since you last had sex, and express your own desire, but you can’t when two of his fingers return to their previous lodgings in your still sopping wet cunt. He no longer holds back like he did before when he wanted you to hear him speak. Making your pleasure his top priority, he bends his slender digits deep inside of you, thrusting them in and out while you cry out with each brush against your g-spot.
“Does that feel good?” he asks, and if you weren’t so immersed in your own approaching climax, you’d laugh at how genuinely invested he sounds in knowing whether or not he’s doing a good job. To you, it should be more than obvious how well he’s doing by the way you arch your back at every thrust, reaching up to peck his lips but failing to maintain a steady kiss because of your moans. But Leehan’s oddball tendecies and moments of sudden sincerity are too familiar at this point to throw you off – instead, you find it sexy to experience both physically and verbally his commitment to making you feel good.
“Gonna come,” you’re confessing through whimpers just a few moments later, being brought to babbles as Leehan uses his thumb to stimulate your clit. His eyebrows become furrowed as he zeroes in on the pace that has thus far brought you to climax, rather than speeding up.
What once intimidated you was the way that Leehan thoroughly studies your expressions as you’re experiencing pleasure. His searing eye contact, his unreadablly passionate expression, the way it’s almost as if he’s looking through you rather than at you. And yet, when the intensity of your orgasm begins to travel throughhout your body, the sound of him saying, “Come on my hand,” ringing softly in your ears, it’s through looking in his eyes that things feel increasingly more passionate.
To feel this sexually connected to someone who up until this point was just a one-night-stand confounds you, and yet leaning in to such connection has led to some of the best orgasms of your life.
“Turn around, pretty girl,” is what he tells you after you’ve come down from your orgasm, and in your eagenerness to get him inside of you, you follow the request without question. Still, remembering his insistence from before about wanting to maintain eye contact when he fucks, you find yourself teasingly asking while facing the bedsheets, “What happened to wanting eye contact?”
“Who said we couldn’t?” he raises playfully in reply, and before you can question what he means, you feel one of his large hands snaking around your body. He pushes at your stomach and hips, helping you into an elevated arch. From here, it’s much easier for you to turn your head around without craning your neck, something you realize as Leehan pulls gently at your hair and meets you for a sloppy kiss.
When he pulls away, you shiver, your body reacting in shock to the attractive gesture. He notices this with a grin and must interpret the reaction as nervousness. “Don’t worry. I don’t bite. Unless you like that?”
“Shut up,” you grumble, laughing as he sits up and releases his hold on your waist. It causes you to fall flat on the bed, where you relax in anticipation as you hear the sounds of him taking his clothes off behind you.
“The fact that you even remembered I said that makes me happy,” he remarks in reference to the eye contact comment, and the sudden sentimentality of that statement makes you feel non-sexual related butterflies towards the man behind you. But your focus is brought back to the sex as he positions himself behind you, gripping onto his shaft and rubbing it along the expanse of your slit. You moan, but then remember that you neglected to think of protection.
“Fuck, I forgot about condoms.”
“Don’t worry. I have some,” he says, and you watch over your shoulder as he goes to rummage through the pockets of his sweatpants, discarded and left on the edge of the bed.
“Should I ask why you came on this trip prepared for condoms?”
“Because cum makes for the best fish bait,” he replies ironically in response, and you realize then how attracted you must be to Leehan to hear him say these sorts of things completely sincerly and not lose even an ounce of your desire for him. He’s not at all deterred by your lack of reaction to his musings, either. Lining his condom-clothed cock up with your entrance, he asks, “Are you ready, sweet girl?”
If the fact that your entire body was buzzing with arousal wasn’t enough for you to want him to fuck you, the use of that pet name takes you over the edge. “Yes, please.”
“Gonna go slow so you can feel every inch of me,” he informs you fliratiously, pushing inside of you and making true to every part of that promise as you feel every inch, ridge, and vein of his cock as it enters, making you mewl until he’s balls deep. “How’s that?” he asks in search of your approval.
“So, so good Leehan,” you reply, loving the way that you can look back into his eyes and see the same pleasure you’re experiencing etched into his expression, furrowed eyebrows and lip between his teeth as he begins to thrust into you.
He makes a throaty, husky mhmm noise in your ear, something you reciprocate in your own whiny way in reaction to the languid pace he’s set. A hand on the left of your body is used to hold himself up while the other rests on your lower stomach, helping to push you backward on his cock so that the impact of his each thrust is doubled by both of your efforts. The words “You’re perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect,” mumbled into your ear as he fucks you make your entire body stand on end, something about being fucked just right in combination with his poetic way of talking making you absolutely crazy.
Still maintaining eye contact with you, you feel the warmth of his body leave your back as he sits up fully. You’re almost dismayed until you feel pressure against your asshole, hearing him say, “Do you like it when I play with you here, too?”
“Oh my god, Leehan,” you exclaim in reply, the pressure of his thumb against your ass in combination with his thrusts become too much in the best way. “Don’t stop.”
Leehan doesn’t stop, and in fact, as you hear him lewdly spit on the surface of his hand, his thumb penetrates the tight expanse of your asshole. You moan as the added stiumulation makes your climax feel like it’s coming at you at an even faster rate than before. And Leehan, clearly perceptive to this, says, “Not yet. Beg for it.”
In your desperation to come, you don’t question the next words out of your mouth; in fact, you relish in the way Leehan groans in response to them. “Want you to make me come, Leehan. Please. Wanna feel you come inside of me.”
Continuing the trend of breeding-related teasing, you find that a remark which should be nonsensical considering the condom you both feel him wearing, if anything makes you both more turned on. “Take it then, baby. Coax it out of me,” he tells you, and by the withering sound of his voice, you can tell he’s close to climaxing. In a moment of serendipitous alignment, you find that you too, are dangling over an edge where on the other side is another moment of Earth-shattering pleasure.
It’s something as simple as a wiggle of his thumb inside of you, a thrust so firm that it almost causes your arch to collapse, that has you reaching the peak of your pleasure. And Leehan, whose pained expression you can see as you never once stop looking behind your shoulder, quickly follows you with a hoarse grunt. There is something just so amorous about reaching that peak together, something like pride and satisfaction and fondness washing over you at once until you’re both collapsing tiredly on the bed next to each other.
You’re first to break the breathing-filled silence, turning on your side to look at Leehan and finding him more attractive than ever in his post-orgasm state. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over how good you are at that,” you tell him, feeling suddenly inclined to reach out and swipe at the stray pieces of hair on his forehead. You resist if only to maintain the boundary of familiarity that has only loosely been established between the two of you.
But to your surprise, Leehan reaches out to lace his hand into yours, defying any sort of expectation that you shouldn’t continue to remain physically close after sex. He raises both of your arms upward in a trumphant gesture that makes you laugh. “We. How good we are at that,” he remarks correctivley.
He lets your hand go and for a second you both just lay there in comfortable silence, until you realize the entire reason why you’re staying at a hotel six hours away from home. “Wait. What time is it? Did we miss the eclipse?”
Leehan leisurely reaches for his phone on the bedstand, taking a quick glance at the time before bringing the screen it to your view. It’s just a few minutes after 11:30. “Perfect timing, actually,” he says, and then, raising a questioning eyebrow, asks, “Shall we go out together?”
It is of course, as a result of your utmost predilections, to say yes, so within a few moments you’re both dressed in your previously discarded clothes and headed outside the hotel.
Even if it was a concern for you, you luckily don’t have to worry about the rest of the group making conclusions about the fact that you arrive together, because you go outside to find that they’re all too focused in finding a good spot to lay out on the grass to get the best view of the approaching eclipse.
Jaehyun, flamboyant as ever, has Sungho help him onto the hood of his car so that he can get on top and watch it from there. Everyone else either scatters on the grass with blankets or leans against the car. You ultimately settle for watching it behind everyone else, standing in the spce just between the car and the grass.
The eclipse, just as expected, is a beautiful sight. But what excites you more is the moment when you feel someone’s hands snaking around your body and into the front pockets of your shorts. Leehan hugs you from behind, saying nothing as he rests his chin on the top of your head and relaxes into you. Standing in the back of the group, no one else notices the moment between the two of you, which makes it feel that much more special.
As you tilt your head up to confirm it’s him and observe the way he watches the eclipse dreamily, it fills you with thoughts about the budding relationship between you two. You can’t help but think back to the words you overheard him saying earlier in the car.
They were the sentiments of someone who seemingly had no regard for what it meant to share your body with someone for an extended period time, to bare yourself physically and emotionally for the pleasure of another person.
But in your time with Leehan, you’ve never been made to feel that way. Like lightning in a bottle, the chemistry and connection between the two of you is not something that could be manufactured.
Far from feeling as if you’re too special for this to end, you simply are confident that, even if this grows to be nothing more than sex, the feeling of being wanted and desired by Leehan is too good for you to ever be made discontent.
As you pack up to leave the next day, Leehan lets Riwoo drive his car for a chance to relax instead of having to be alert for six hours. He sits in the backseat with you, and for one final moment of tenderness between the two of you, he spends the entire ride with his head rested against your shoulder, snoring softly as your closeness renders him sleepy and relaxed.
part 3 coming soon :)
taglist: @lailols @papichulomacy @0310s @softiwoon @gardenforwon @cherrytaesan @mryuyux @saintriots
comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist!
#leehan#boynextdoor#leehan smut#boynextdoor smut#leehan x reader#leehan fluff#leehan angst#boynextdoor fics#hornychristianprincess#donghyun boynextdoor#boy next door smut#donghyun smut#donghyun boy next door smut#kpop smut#kpop angst#kpop fluff
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EclispeDuo headcannons I have but I can't explain most of them but they just feel right★★
Triggerwarning for talks of death, alcohol, blood, past bad experiences, and other triggering topics
Sillies <3
Chang'e has been trying for YEARS to get Wukong on her show. Wukong wants to be on it but he's really camera shy so they can never release the episode cause he gets to nervous.
Wukong let's Chang'e in on ALL the tea going on earth.
Chang'e really does not like Macaque because of his history with Wukong. Wukong doesn't suger coat their past, he goes into enough detail to keep somewhat privacy but he'spretty open and honest. He also told her about Macaque's recent atrocities committed on him and Mk. This causes Chang'e to have a really negative opinion on Macaque because she doesn't understand why Macaque would be so mean to Mk just cause he doesn't like Wukong. (She also doesn't like Macaque because how dare he hurt Wukong's feelings.)
Wukong babysits some of Chang'e bunnies sometimes when she's broadcasting her cooking show.
Wukong fills Chang'e in ALL the gossip on earth.
Chan1g'e helped Wukong through alot of his trauma. She helped him when Macaque died, when Ao Lie died, when the rest of the pilgrims past, when he had to put DBK under the mountain, when his mountain burned, and other events. Chang'e knows how grief fills so she jus let's him cry. It's comforting.
Wukong and Chang'e have gotten ABSOLUTELY SMASHED on the moon. Their hangover was BAD after that.
Wukong knows how to sew so he makes him and Chang'e matching clothing.
Chang'e likes to make little cupcakes that look like animals for the monkie gang on earth. She makes pig ones for Pigsy, monkies for Mk and Wukong, and miscellaneous ones for the others. (Cause she never met them, she has just heard Wukong talking about them .)
Chang'e and Wukong are each others biggest hype men.
Chang'e has seen almost every baby picture of Redson, she's basically seen that kid grow up more than his dad did.
Wukong once cut his finger cutting vegetables and Chang'e FREAKED out.
When Wukongs hair gets to long, he'll just cut it so he doesn't have to deal with it. Chang'e likes seeing his hair long though so she'll tie it up for him so it's out of his way.
Wukong really likes to groom Chang'e. It gives him a excuse to just yap and show affection in a monkey way.
Chang'e likes to do Wukong's makeup.
Wukong gifts Chang'e the extra golden jewelry he has because they both like shiny gold things.
They both have merch of each other. Wukong has a Chang'e baking set and Chang'e has that talking cardboard cut out from that cooking show episode.
Chang'e is VERY judgy of Wukong's romantic taste. If she doesn't like who Wukong is talking about she looks at him like 🤨
They have week long sleepovers. They'd probably be longer if Wukong didn't have to train Mk.
They paint each other's nails their favorite colors. Chang'e gets gold nails and Wukong gets blue nails.
Guys I NEED more content of these two together in my life. If yall know any fics with these two let me know cause I love them.
(Drop your own headcannons in the comments, I wanna see how people interpret these two.)
🫶🏻🩷‼️
- ⭐️StarClown⭐️
#sillies#guys i love them#headcannons#I NEED more eclipse duo content#hint hint nudge nudge#chang'e#sun wukong#lmk#lmk sun wukong#lmk chang'e#lmk eclipseduo#lmk macaque#lmk mk#lmk ao lie#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid sun wukong#lego monkie kid chang'e#lego monkie kid eclipseduo#monkie kid sun wukong#monkie kid chang'e#monkie kid eclipsesuo
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In the stars and the Book
So people wanted a new Dream of the Endless story for today. I hope you will like it !
It was rare for Destiny to give advice.
For several good reasons, which his family understood well, even if they were sometimes annoyed or disappointed that he did not break the rules to help them in difficult times.
His interventions were never really his doing, but permitted by his Book, if not obligatory.
More than any other member of the Endless, Destiny was fully and entirely his function. He loved his siblings though.
He always showed a small, almost imperceptible smile when he had the opportunity to help his family, who always listened attentively.
This time, Dream was the lucky one who received a call from Destiny's gallery.
Of course he was going to answer, it was part of his responsibilities. He'd had some problems since the Magnus had captured him, freed himself, gotten his tools back, rebuilt his kingdom, and ever since he'd felt a little empty.
His brother's call could be excellent news, or the start of new troubles. But he was going to answer anyway.
As always, Destiny greeted him quickly, not leaving his book and not clearly answering his questions. This was not what was supposed to happen.
Then, when Dream was calmer, he finally looked at him.
“Y/N.”
"The witch ? What about her ?"
“You will know happiness, true happiness, until your end, after she gives you a kiss.”
Morpheus remained stoic as he knew how to do so well, despite the storm that was brewing within him. The people of the Dreaming must have been totally panicked, even if they were used to their creator being quite upset after an encounter with any Endless other than Death.
“Goodbye, little brother.” was the last thing Destiny said, already turning his back on him, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
His relationship with Y/N had always been complicated. They had almost killed each other the first time they spoke. A real disaster. But she was still young, while he had yet to learn patience and empathy.
No doubt he was also too romantic, since he no longer even remembered the reason for their argument, but only her eyes full of passion, her hand on his cheek when she had the audacity to slap him, her perfume when she had vanished into thin air, vowing never to see him again.
They had seen each other again, several times, without ever doing it on purpose, as if fate was doing everything for them to end up together.
Over time, their exchanges had become more cordial, almost friendly. Dream had to recognize that Lucienne, Hob, his sister, many people had helped him a lot to realize the value of this little witch, who had also helped him on many occasions.
Yet he never thought he would feel love for Y/N. Admiration, affection, a need to protect her, but love ? Dream had often been in love. At least he thought he was.
It was true that each of his relationships had ended like shooting stars, passing very quickly, before burning and disappearing into nothingness.
His big brother had just revealed to him the secret of a certain, infinite happiness, a happiness that he seemed to deserve against all expectations, he who had ended up thinking that he was made to remain alone. There was no reason to hesitate.
Y/N clearly had some hesitations.
Despite his many advances, he still didn't seem to know that it was not proper for mortals to appear in a living room uninvited or unannounced.
First misstep, because it was not by scaring his sweetheart that he was going to succeed in seducing her. The poor thing even asked him what she had done, convinced that he was coming to punish her.
“I’m not here for ill reasons.” he tried to reassure her. "I needed to see you. It's been a long time, I forgot how beautiful you were, χαρα μου."
"… Is everything okay ? You need a spell and you're hoping it'll be for free ? You know, I heard what happened to you. It's not pity at all, but maybe I can lower my prices for you this time."
"Your concern touches me. But I don't need anything except you. I think we could be happy together."
"Wow. Okay, you're dying."
He was going to have to use all his wooing skills to get her to kiss him.
Certainly he could have kissed her, here, right away, but his brother had been clear. It was she who had to give him this liberating kiss.
Even though Dream was now sure of his feelings, Y/N probably needed a little more time. She hadn't received Destiny's advice.
Despite all his many improvements since his release, patience had never been Dream's strong point. Yet he was literally the expectation, the hope, all the ideas, the stories, the fantasies of humanity. Not getting the promised happiness right away shouldn't have bothered him so much.
Plus, beginnings were always the most exciting part. Observe Y/N responding positively to his advances, his compliments, his gifts. However, she remained suspicious, expecting a game or a disguised exchange of good behavior.
The witch set traps for him, to reveal his true intentions. The master of nightmares found this charming and amusing at first. Then Morpheus was a little hurt and exasperated that she didn't seem as infatuated with him as he was with her.
"… You say you love me ?"
"Indeed."
"Since when ? The last time we parted, I stole several of your books and you threatened to hang me. Fortunately your librarian likes me. I returned the books to her by the way. I don't t think we can be together, we'll end up tearing each other's heads off."
"It has to happen though. Destiny said we were meant to be together."
"… What ?"
The news did not please the little witch at all. She was making fun of him, but she wasn't necessarily having a bad time. Their arguments had become like a form of dance, a nuptial ritual.
Why did he always have to ruin everything ? He, the prince of stories, really had a problem with his choice of words.
He tried to hold her back, explaining that what his brother said had to happen, it wasn't his fault.
Seeing the tears in her eyes silenced him. The last thing he wanted to be hurt her, this vision pierced his heart.
"I can't believe I could be so stupid."
"You don't understand… We can be happy, together. Love each other."
"No. I loved you. And I thought maybe you loved me too, finally. But you're here out of obligation, like always. I never want to see you again ! I'm serious this time !"
There was no spell in the world that could hide a being thinking of Dream of the Endless. Those who thought always ended up dreaming, entering his kingdom.
Yet he left her sleep in peace, the rare times Y/N closed her eyes, trembling every night at the idea of finding him in her dreams.
He wondered if she was right. If he only chased after her because his brother had put him on this path, and not by choice. By feeling. It was true that he hadn't asked himself the question before Destiny called him, and he had rushed straight to the front of his happiness.
Now that he was fully taking the time to think about it, knowing that the witch had loved him in silence all this time, that he had hurt her, that she deserved better than that, he thought that he had undoubtedly always loved her more than the others.
He loved her so much that he kept his distance, because everyone he wanted ended up leaving him, suffering, or dying. And he didn't want that for her, never for her. His tender Y/N, brave, intelligent, lively little witch. Who treated him normally, standing up to him without fear, making him see his missteps.
A whole week passed, before he showed up at her place, this time knocking on the door and waiting for it to open.
He raised his hand in a peace sign as soon as their eyes met, making no move to try and enter.
"χαρα μου… I'm sorry. For my behavior, and for my presence here, when you clearly expressed your hatred for me. But I owed you this apology, and as punishment, I agree not to see you again. Thus, I condemn myself to never knowing happiness, which I do not deserve after all. My brother did not say that you could not be happy with another. Just know that I loved every moment spent with you, and I will cherish them until the end. If it wasn't happiness, it looked like it."
"… Is this a ruse to get me to fall under your spell again ?"
"No. I still find it hard to believe that you could have loved a being such as myself. I don't think I would have ever imagined it, even in my wildest creations. My brother must have known, he who knows all."
"Hob says you're a sweet fool, full of pride, but with just as much kindness, fear and humanity deep down."
“I will have to think about visiting my dear friend very soon.” Dream said while keeping a stoic face.
This made Y/N laugh. Her magnificent laugh, accompanied by a smile that she gave him too rarely. He would populate the nights of many dreamers tonight.
But for now, Morpheus wondered if he was awake, seeing her continue to smile at him, placing her hand on his cheek. They had never touched each other like this, not once, since their first meeting.
"Don't sulk, it wasn't a criticism. I knew I could only love you when he assured me that you weren't as terrible as you showed yourself. A facade, necessary because of your status."
“I’m not sulking, I’m not…”
The kiss was quick. Morpheus would remember it until his sister took the whole universe with her. Those lips on his. All this love, for him, all this time, contained in a simple kiss.
He remained as still as a marble statue, which made her smile again. Then Y/N kissed him on the cheek this time, whispering that they could go to the New Inn for a drink, before closing the door.
"… Boss ?"
“Yes Matthew ?”
"You've been here for three hours, people on the street are starting to notice you. Are you going to stay long ?"
“Until my love came out and we went to the New Inn for a drink.”
"Yeah, I don't know if your brother helped you or not, but if the witch finds it cute and not creepy, that will be proof that you two are indeed meant to be together."
Y/N found this both creepy and adorable. The poor raven returned to the Dreaming with a sigh to announce the great news, although the bright sky was not unwelcome.
It was very often a magnificent weather in the future, and until the end.
#the sandman#dream of the endless#morpheus#morpheus x reader#dream of the endless x reader#dream of the endless fanfiction#morpheus fanfiction#morpheus imagine#dream of the endless imagine
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When Dragons Meet
"HII can I request a fluff Malleus x dragon reader (but like in friend way) Malleus meeting dragon reader for the first time. I think would be funny. Malleus being curious since the only dragons he know is himself and his family." Courtesy of- Ghost (On AO3)
Malleus's POV
The first week of school went by just like they did the past two years. Fear. Avoidance. No one to talk too. Sure, there was Lilia, Silver and Sebek to keep him company, but they always have. Malleus wanted something new to do. Someone new to talk too.
Unfortunately there was no one. No students were brave enough to approach the imposing Malleus Draconia. The only one with no care was Leona Kingscholar, and he only spoke to Malleus to start a fight, which Malleus could never bring himself to truly care about.
The halls were empty, void of life and sound. Malleus ended up staying after classes to go gargoyle hunting, even if he has seen every gargoyle Nigh Raven College has to offer a hundred times over. It was a day like every other, and without his family in Diasomnia, nothing to truly do.
Malleus found himself in the courtyard, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even remember making his way there. The courtyard isn't new to Malleus either, he could even name the century every gargoyle around was made. It was such an innate thought to him that he simply started rattling off dates to himself in a whisper, barely loud enough for even himself to hear.
"Wow, that is an impressive memory. How do you do that?" a voice nearby asked. No, it wasn't nearby, the voice had the same quality of being far away, but Malleus' hearing allowed him to hear with no problem. Malleus turned around into the direction the voice came from. There was no one immediately in sights, so it took Malleus a moment to find who had asked him the question.
Eventually, his eyes settled on a pristine white tail, lazily hanging from a tree branch all the way on the other end of the courtyard. He was unable to see the person the tail was attached to, being this far and them hiding within the branches of the tree. Regardless, the tail looked familiar, and Malleus suddenly had a theory he wanted to test.
Making no attempt to get closer to his mysterious guest, like he normally would, he stayed put and simply spoke, only rising the volume of his voice from a almost soundless whisper to a quite speaking voice.
"What was the question? I apologize, I was a little distracted." he asked. Malleus felt his pointed ears twitch when a giggle reached him. He caught sight of the tail lifting and suddenly reaching further down, along with the faint sound of rustling clothes and the flutter of something large. They must have sat up.
"I said that you have an impressive memory. How do you do it?" There voice was so relaxed, not tinged with fear or painfully tense like Malleus is used to hearing from people. Does this person not know who he is? Or do they simply not care or feel afraid?
"Well, I have a strong fascination with gargoyles, so learning the when and how of their creation comes with the territory, so I feel it is only natural." he answered. Again, Malleus is only speaking in a quite voice, and this person on the other end of the courtyard is capable of holding a conversation with him with no problems.
"That's fair. If something interests you, why wouldn't you know that kind of stuff? Still impressive though." they responded. Malleus heard the quiet sound of scales brushing against wood, a sound he is quite used to. (No one will speak of the numerous trees he flew into when he was young.)
Malleus finally decided it was time he found out who this mystery guest of his is. Filled with hope that this growing theory in his head was true, he made his way across the courtyard. However, he is not rude enough to keep someone waiting in a conversation, so he still spoke as he walked.
"You sound like you speak from experience. Do you have any interests you are particularly fond of?" he asked. He was about halfway across the courtyard now, and he heard as the person adjusted in the branch again, seemingly to get a better view of him.
"Yeah, I have a few. Maybe not any that will test my memory like your history of gargoyles, but I like them regardless." Just as Malleus was coming closer, a pair of equally white wings slowly fell into view, relaxing and finding purchase on two smaller branches that seemed to have grown perfectly for this exact person to use.
"Well, an interest is an interest, no matter how big or small." he supplied. He was finally under the tree, and could perfectly see the person he's been speaking too.
Up in the tree, lazying around, was another fae, a dragon type to be more exact, just like him.
Their wings, tail and horns were a pristine white and seemed to be well taken care of. They wore the uniform of Pomefiore, however they have ditched the school blazer and had a few of the top and bottom buttons of their colored vest undone. It seemed they had done so to allow themself more breathing room and to get comfortable. Unprofessional, but school was technically over, so Malleus could understand.
"Glad you think so." they said. They sat up the rest of the way, allowing their legs to dangle over the edge of their resting branch and lifting their wings, tucking them close to their back, but with how big their wings were, they still under over the edge of the branch. "What would you name be mister?"
"Please, no need to call me mister." It made Malleus feel old, like how Lilia feels when people back in The Valley of Thorns call him 'Sir Lilia' or his other old titles. But, this person asked for his name. Of that is so, then they must truly not know who he is. If Malleus told them his name, would they recognize it and connect the dots? Would they fear him like everyone else does?
But, they are a fae like him, even more so than Lilia and Sebek. Have they faced the same prejudice and feelings he has? With they feel empathy instead of fear?
Is that a risk Malleus is willing to take with this potential new friend?
"Why don't you give me a name? I am curious what you may come up with." No. It's not a risk he's willing to take. Maybe they will find out on their own after this, but maybe there is a chance their attitude towards him will not change when they do. And if his luck runs out, he can at least say he enjoyed the company while he had it.
Malleus met their eyes once again. They seemed to be in deep thought, tossing the request around in their head. A smile that Malleus can't describe as anything but wicked took over their face.
"How about Tsunotaro then? I think it fits you well." They smiled more gently, resting their head on the branch and swaying their tail near Malleus' face, a cold spike just barely brushing against his nose playfully. When Malleus sneezed due to it, they simply laughed and moved their tail again.
Tsunotaro. A name basically meaning 'Mr. Horns'. Quite literal, but Malleus had to agree. It fit.
"Then let it be so. I am 'Tsunotaro'. And what is your name, if I may ask." They smiled again and wrapped their hands tightly around their supporting branch, a glint of sharp claws digging into the bark. With a movement too quick to be human, they jumped off the branch and swung off, landing a a good couple feet away from the tree.
They turned towards Malleus, playfully bowing in a show of their skill, to which Malleus chuckled and gave a small clap, and then walked toward him.
That was strange. A movement as simple as walking towards someone was nothing important or new in everyday life, but for Malleus it felt alien. No one simply walked to him. They walked or ran away, subtly giving him a wide birth as he walked through the halls.
But this person did it so normally. There was no fear or trepidation or tenseness in their muscles. A gentle and friendly smile on their lips. An unhurried feel to their walk, like they had no intention to get out of there as quickly as they can. It was new to Malleus.
The unnamed fae stopped right in front of Malleus, a move no other at this school has had the bravery to do. Now that they are on the ground, Malleus saw that, while he still has them beat in height by a couple inches, they are still quite tall. It didn't matter but it was a thought that made Malleus have to hold back a chuckle.
Their hand came up to meet his, a friendly handshake, one that Malleus returns. "My name is Y/N. Y/N L/N. It's great to meet you." Their tail swayed behind them gently as they speak, pure relaxation radiated off their body.
"It is a pleasure to meet you Mx. Y/N" Malleus returned. Y/N laughed, placing a hand over their mouth in an attempt to stop themself. They failed.
"No, please don't call me Mx. Y/N. Makes me feel old. Plus, we're friends now, so there is no need for formalities Tsunotaro." Their hand release his. Their skin, matched with a few hidden scales, was cold. It wasn't hard to see that Y/N was an ice dragon, but despite that, Malleus's hand still felt warm from the handshake.
Friends. Y/N said that they were now friends. Malleus has never really had a friend. There was Lilia, but Lilia raised Malleus, more a parent than anything. There was also Silver, but Malleus can remember when Silver was nothing but a baby and even helped Lilia to take care of the little baby. Silver didn't feel like a 'friend'. There was also Sebek, but Malleus felt that Sebek took his duty as Malleu's guard a little to seriously, which got in the way of the whole 'friend' thing.
But this person. The one who looked at him with curiosity and warmth despite their own nature as an ice dragon. The one who teased him while lazying around in a tree. The one who essentially named him 'Mr. Horns.' The one who refused honorifics under the pretense of being 'friends' even if they had only met him some ten minutes ago and didn't even know his name.
They felt like a friend.
A ring went off in the courtyard.
"Oh, sorry. That's my phone." Y/N said. They pulled their hand held device out of their pocket, something Malleus still struggles to understand, and began to read something on it. When they were done, they looked up at Malleus with a apologetic sadness in their eyes.
"I'm sorry Tsunotaro, I have somewhere I need to be in a few minutes. It's best I leave now so I don't end up late." That was understandable. Malleus is a prince, he understands one must always be punctual.
"Of course. I understand. If you must leave, then please do." he said with a slight nod of his head. The look in their eyes brought a lonely sadness to Malleus's heart, but he could handle it.
"Okay. Well, I'll make sure to be on the lookout in the halls for you from now on. I'd love to pick up our conversation on gargoyles." They winked as if to punctuate their words. It brought a genuine laugh to Malleus' chest, one he made no attempt to hide.
"I will be waiting for that day."
There is always a chance Y/N finds out who he is before they see each other next and that conversation will never come, but for now, Malleus will allow himself to hang on to the hope that it will.
Y/N turned and started to make their way across the courtyard. At some point, before Malleus could tun away himself, they turned and began to walk backwards. They waved enthusiastically and shouted a goodbye. Malleus returned the gesture.
And just as Malleus had turned to begin his walk to Diasomnia, he heard a whisper. A quiet noise among the wind. But no matter how quite it was, Malleus heard it and knew that he was meant to, they those words were made for him to hear, that Y/N knew he would hear them.
"Goodbye, Malleus. Hope we can talk again soon."
I get that the relationship between Y/N and Malleus here can be read as either the beginnings of romance or just platonic, but the request specified platonic so I hope I got that across. I found it a little harder to write than romance and my thoughts literally were 'why is this harder than romance?!?" {Looks at my AO3 reading history: 'oh, nvm') Also, I did not go back and proofread because I wanted to get it done and posted, so sorry about any mistakes.
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#ice dragon!reader#justcallmecj fics#Malleus Draconia
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Motion Sickness: Chapter 2
Synopsis. Tokyo is still the same way you've left it. Along with the parts of yourself you didn't think to see again.
Note: Again, lots of plot building in the first parts :)
a/n: angsty.
Chp.1 Chp.2 Chp.3 (coming very soon)
The air here is different from the air in Kyoto. It feels cramped , less crisp. Busy, is the word. Everyone here moved faster, always having somewhere to be. Even when I younger, I remember always feeling a rush of something every time I stepped out the confines of my home when I still used to live here. But still it feels too familiar to not relish.
My E.T.A. should be at 18:30 hours. With that in mind, I tug the sleeve over my watch to check the time and sure enough I was just over 10 minutes early. I tuck my watch back under my jacket, picking up the black duffle bag I brought with me. I haven't packed a lot, I don't plan on staying too long. I'm only here for two nights then I'll be back to Kyoto before I know it.
My bosses back there had assigned me to a mission, something they say should be worth investigating. I remember almost telling them no, that's when I get a call from the man himself, Principal Yaga. He made me say no out loud.
But he knew it wasn't hard to sway me. Money talks, and he says I would get a bonus if I went so here I am. Life in Kyoto is expensive, and I'm not exactly rich. Again, I'll be here 2 days maximum, so really it's not a big deal, is what I remind myself. So with the little information I was given, I got on the next train.
"Unnamed, we assumed it was a grade 3 curse, but 10 casualties in total in a span of a week is concerning." I feel his eyes on me. "The bodies, or remains, of 6 people were found in abandoned building. The only thing found connecting these people is that they were all seen around Tokyo's Red Light district at some point around the week. What's worse is that people are noticing. This isn't only a problem with the safety of civilians who don't understand what happened, but the attention it's gathering from outsiders jeopardizes-"
"Us." I finish, half present and half spaced out. My eyes meet that of his, and I mildly shake my head to clear my thoughts out almost physically. "Sorry."
He huffed, leaning back. "It's fine, at least I know you were listening, for a second I thought you were somewhere else completely." The air is a bit tense, so quiet that the squeaking of his chair can be heard from each shift he makes in his seat. He brings his hands together, "Any questions?"
My mouth opens and closes, trying to utter the words that won't come out until eventually, it does. "Just one." He nods his head, allowing me to continue. "Why me?"
There's a short pause on his end, almost forcing me to explain my question even further but he responds soon enough. "Well, it's because we needed a special grade sorcerer for this one." He replied, as if it were simply that.
I squint my eyes just enough for it to be mistaken as a twitch, "Yes, but...well I'm from Kyoto, it's quite a great distance to look for one special grade sorcerer for just one mission."
He nods as if he was expecting that from me. "Mostly because most of the teachers here are occupied. We're short staffed, especially on special grade sorcerers. We're lucky enough to have two but even he's occupied." Of course he is. "And I've already tried. If he was free, or well if he wanted to, I would've called on him."
I chuckled, "Glad to know I'm your second choice."
"Well, realistically, you're the one I can count on for this one—since you follow what I say a lot better," He smiles at me as if it's a good thing.
I smile back, "Glad to know I'm your first second choice."
He nods, "That's all then, yes?"
"I'll find it." I reply, my grin painfully fake.
---
It isn't surprising that a place like Tokyo's Red Light district becomes occupied with the likes of cursed spirits. A hotspot, you could call it. The things that happened here could be enough to supply a curse with as much energy it chooses to feed on. That was the first thing I thought about as soon as my shoes touch the path leading to the location I was given.
Neon lights reflect on puddles scattered on the road, and despite it being a Wednesday, the music from some clubs nearby all jumble up into an amalgamation of noise. Behind one of the clubs is the building. The abandoned one. It looked like it was once a parking, the following floors had openings and no windows. As I neared it, uneasiness creeps into my stomach but I push it back, instead certainty replaces the feeling. This was definitely the place.
It's as run down as one could imagine. I feel it's remnants in the air, it's stuffiness and the stench. Moldy and foul like rotten and burnt flesh mixed together. There isn't much until you get to the corner first floor near the entry to the basement. From where I stood there was police tape in one corner in particular, an area already searched.
I take it upon myself to go downstairs, the scent growing worse as I walk closer. Again, more police tape, but judging from how it's only at the entrance, I don't think they tried searching it. I pull it down and go inside. It's eerier, I understand why they wouldn't wanna search it and you barely see anything other than the light from spots where the ceiling's caved in.
"You're not supposed to be here." A voice, distorted and low stops me in my tracks. I dare myself not to turn when my shoulders tense up. "What? are you afraid?" I turn and my face twists at the smell.
"So that's where it was coming from." The documents never said anything about what the curse looked like. I thought it may be humanoid, but no human bodied creature could do that to 6 other bodies, discarding of their parts as just scraps from their dinner. Instead this curse was wretched and ugly, it definitely didn't look grade3 nor 2 even, but it also definitely wasn't impossible.
"Just in time too, a curse like me itching to
get out after years, I get pretty bad cravings." The curse gurgled, "My victims never really walked straight into the lion's den. Today must be my lucky day!"
I smirk at its incessant noise, "Lucky? Hardly." I launch my cursed weapon at its wide open and toothy mouth, choking before spitting it out, it gurgles some more. It looks at me in surprise before one of it's arms try to launch an attack of its own. I dodge its grotesque limb, quick but just barely.
Before I'm able to counter, my body starts to feel heavy, like my arms feel like they're being dragged in order to move. Black spots appear in my vision, panic rises in my throat. Then I see nothing.
Until eventually, everything.
I heard before you die, your entire life quite literally flashes behind your eyes. Is this what it is then? Dying?
I feel it again. The same level of dread I once felt before. I used to say dying would be a lot worse than how I felt then.
Now I know what it's like, I'm not so sure anymore.
4 years ago
The blue in the sky was nearly black, consuming nearly what my peripheral vision could see. But I'd much rather look straight than there.
"You're impossible." I hear him say, and I scowl back at him.
"I will, when I'm strong enough." He sits up at my words but he doesn't look back at me. Instead he ruffles his hair, clearly annoyed.
"You are so childish." I couldn't help but laugh at his words. He gets up, dusting himself and standing up, ready to walk away. He always does.
"Me? I'm the one being childish?" I quickly get up myself, running after him, he walks faster. "You have no right, look at you! You're the one walking away. You-I don't believe you!"
He abruptly turns back, standing tall in front of me. "Well believe it."
"I don't." I rebut.
"I don't love you anymore." He says, and it's starting to get annoying.
I take a step towards him, he steps back. "The more you say it, the less it means anything. You can't even explain-"
"You- you're not what I want, okay?" The moments that followed were a blur. Some though were too vivid to forget.
I'm quiet for what feels like the first time but a million thoughts circle in my mind, What did I do? How do I fix it? Fuck you. I hate you. What changed? I look down at my feet, my bruised fists and his ripped pant leg. I have so much to say but nothing comes out other than, "Why?" It was quietly spoken, almost like I didn't want to ask. And maybe I didn't, knowing no answer would make me feel any better.
His tone is flat, unlike how I'm used to. "I can't keep...fucking around."
I pick up my head, "So we were just fucking around?"
He continues, "I'm graduating, and you'll still be here and after then what? You can pick any direction you want to because that's what you're used to. Your responsibilities aren't the same as mine. My clan relies on me and yours-"
"Abandoned me." I interrupt, "Right? Okay, I see."
He shakes his head, "It's not just-"
"And since when did you care so much about pleasing people?"
"Why can't you just accept it?!" He yelled, "I can't just throw away what I worked years for. You don't know what it's like to make the same kind of sacrifices as mine, so just—" his voice breaks for the shortest moment, "Please let me do this one thing."
I can make out the shape of his brows, how the line between them appears when he's concerned. It was the only string of vulnerability he showed that day.
"Satoru..." I try reaching for his hand, but I feel a strain, like I have to drag my arms in order to move them, until I realize I can't touch him at all.
I look back up at him and he's looking opposite to me. My eyes sting and my words are stuck in my throat as I'm pulling back my hand. Even if he didn't turn his infinity on, the wall between us had been put up regardless. I tuck both my hands in the pocket of my pants, feeling less of who I was just seconds ago.
Slowly, I step back, "I made sacrifices too you know."
I could choose to fight it, but I'm just being desperate now. So I swallow my pride.
"Only difference between ours is that nothing good came out of mine. Stupid of me to think choosing you would be any different"
Note: In this story, you're 2 yrs. younger than Gojo :]
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk angst#gojo angst#basic bitch posting
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I'm so glad I found your blog! Can I please get some drabble? Proximus,Ceaser, the sunset trio (noa,soona, and anaya) and anyone else you want to add with a human reader that started following them one day. The human is very hard to catch if she doesn't want to be caught, talk, or be seen and will defend herself if cornered. Brings "gifts," bones, shiny rocks, or food if in a good mood. Hope you feel better! Saw your last post. Ignore if you need to, sending hugs 🤗
I'm glad you found me too! I'm excited to write for people! As you can possibly tell from all of my postings about PoTA rn haha- Ofc you can have some drabbles! I'll write a few drabbles for Koba, Caesar, Proximus and the sunset trio for ya!
Proximus Caesar ; The first time he met you was when he took a small trip with his guards, taking it upon himself to do more kingly activities, that being hunting, he'd have been possibly hunting for a new pet when he heard about a certain human causing some mayhem who just couldn't be captured at all and who was supposedly very aggressive once backed up into a corner, even Sylva had gotten hurt by such a tiny human, this of course piqued Proximus' interest, so when he enters the forest in which you usually roamed and came face to face with you, you displayed...curiosity, perhaps this wasn't the human he was told about? But he was wrong, because as soon as he had asked Sylva to capture you, you bit Sylva's hand causing the gorilla to lose a nice chunk of flesh from his hand, his blood covering your mouth, as you spit out the flesh you'd ripped out onto the muddy ground, eyes on Proximus as his gaze lingered on your face.
You ended up following him out of curiosity, as he went through the forest, sticking to the shadows, but he could smell your scent in the air, and he more or less ordered Sylva and Lightning to leave him be for some time, once the two had left Proximus alone, he set up waiting patiently for you to come out of the brush and shrubbery of the forest, not expecting you to drop down from the high branches above him, nearly landing on the back of his horse behind him, stalking around him slowly, before holding out your closed hand, Proximus glanced at the hand offered to him and he held his hand out, palm open, you reached forward and dropped a bird skull into his hand followed by a shiny pebble, a small river stone, you looked up at Proximus and opened your mouth to speak, just one word, but it had him hooked, "King."
To be fair with you, it wasn't necessarily the best idea to be hanging around Proximus, but you couldn't help yourself, following after him, his shadow, thought of as a pet, but you never seemed to mind, you'd bring him the shiny stones you'd find and of course small animal bones, but feathers were a favourite of yours to give him, he never seemed to mind having these small trinkets, he actually incorporated some of the shiny stones into his outfit, a few feathers weaved into an arm band, all in all he has a new pet and they're very much his favourite for all the small things they do, but mostly how they'll always bring something back when they go out at night.
Koba ; With Koba he'd hate that you follow him around, leave gifts in his nest, even bring him food, but he somewhat understands why you are combative, hate being cornered and refuse to talk when you feel overwhelmed, he'd have first met you in the red woods, on a hunting trip alone, hearing yelping and aggressive hooting, he'd be under the impression an ape had gotten themselves lost and in danger, possibly going to help and finding you facing off against a predator bigger then you, then he wouldn't want to help, but as soon as you notice him you had already used your teeth and bare hands to beat the predator bloody, vanishing up into a tree quickly and out of sight after a staring match between you two.
However Koba runs into you more and more, and slowly gets used to seeing you, what he doesn't get used to is you following him back to the colony, he hadn't wanted you to follow or even be accepted into the colony, but Caesar had welcomed you upon the insistence of some apes who had seen you driving predators away from the colony, once accepted you choose to follow Koba, he'd been more or less aggressive and mean to you, but you still followed and soon he got used to calling you shadow other then human, you start leaving river stones in his nest, birds you'd practically mauled to death as a food type gift and you even left ripped up cloth to make his nest more comfortable, he'd catch you one night nudging a necklace you'd made with two other female apes into his nest, nearest to some pelts you had acquired, then he didn't have the heart nor anger to drive you off, and you ended up sleeping beside his nest that night, now he wears the necklace.
Caesar ; He first came into contact with you when you wandered unknowingly into ape territory, you had ran right into the middle of Malcolm and his team first being there in the red woods, and had even bitten Carver in attempts of stopping him from killing Ash and Blue eyes, causing the colony to be alerted to the sounds of shouting and when Ash had been shot, Caesar had heard of a human living nearby, had heard of how aggressive they had been to many others, mainly to humans, but hadn't moved to do anything against the feral human in the forest, since they usually kept predators and other humans at bay, so in thanks for you driving off Malcolm's group, and saving Ash and Blue eyes from being hurt further, also upon the good word both young teens had put in for you and from Rocket himself, he accepted you into the colony, you integrated well at first but never spoke much, always sticking to Caesar's side whenever permitted to do so.
Like Koba he'd notice that things were being left at his nest, at some point even a dead buck had ended up near his nest, you take to leaving things you make so he can wear them, he notices your craftsmanship and wears the band you had made that would hook around his arm, the necklace you had made proudly displayed, set with beads and small river stones and a lot of feathers, you even taking to wearing a band around your own bicep and a simpler version of the necklace.
The sunset trio ; The three had accidentally run into you on their first meeting, noticing you as the echo who had been sneaking around the clan and stealing food, Noa had been the one to notice you'd been doing it because you were injured at the time, still it somewhat frustrated the three, they ran into you out in the forest when they were berry picking, you peeked out of the bushes, the thorns from the blackberry bush ripping into your skin and tangled in your hair, Soona had been the first to reach out, and you seemingly were fine with it despite them all hearing stories of your penchant to bite, the three managed to get you untangled, not even saying thank you, you rushed off into the shrubbery, swinging up into the trees with practised perfection, vanishing from view, or so they thought, you followed them above, staying a few paces behind, they caught sight of you again once you had gotten to the natural edge of the forest, hopping from the trees to stand and watch them, this time Anaya was the one to reach out to you, joined by Soona and slowly joined by Noa, they held out their hands with the want to at least bring you to a healer to get your wounds seen too, and you reached out too, speaking to them, voice ragged from going without use for some time, "Hurt..Help- please"
Once integrated into the clan you opened up slowly, spending more and more time with the trio, taking to making necklaces, bracelets, arm bands, satchels too, all things learned from Noa's mother, you'd nonchalantly leave gifts in their nests, only growing closer as they started to make gifts in return for you.
Okayyy! I have finished these drabbles- I hope these are okay! and hope they bring a smile to your face, sorry for taking a hot second to write this all out! Thanks for the request! <33
#planet of the apes#pota#drabbles#pota koba#pota caesar#noa kotpota#anaya kotpota#soona kotpota#proximus caesar#val writes <3
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you know what really fucks me up. hi hello it's me again. listening to the ep again in very short bursts while I'm behind the scenes doing maintenance. right after william hits tide w the needle and david asks him if he wants to help w the . dissection. one of the things he says is "i want you to see what I'm doing here, the good I'm doing. I just don't want you to go back and tell mom and dad I'm hurting people like im some kind of monster" and that just. hit me life a fucking truck. it's like when you're playing w your sibling and they start crying and you instantly snap into placating them like "shhhh shhh stop or mom's gonna hear you" it's such an. immature thing to say in this moment and it really drives home like. yeah. these two are brothers they grew up together. even if we didn't see any of that and they barely talk to each other now. one time they were kids . ughghghghghghghghghhhhh.
it's so fucked up dude... what i'm still held up on is like-- are they like, whats the fucking word. full brothers or is it a stepsibling or half sibling thing-- did their parents remarry? how old were they both? how many years older is david? did none of that happen and david just. took what i assume is his mom's maiden name? what is the wisp family situation like i Neeeed to know neowww it is IMPORTANT....
but. YEAH. it anchors the whole situation so efficiently-- this isn't some random dude. this is his brother!! he probably remembers when he moved out for the first time. he probably has, like, a sweatshirt from his university. he's seen him leaning against the kitchen sink in their parents house eating cereal and now they're in a nightmare corporate basement and he's watching him vivisect someone. i didn't bring it up when i heard it but the fucking... "i thought you were the first thing to come out of deadwood that wasn't sick." line hit like a truck... completely unsurprisingly i, roswell intertexts, have. so many thoughts on fucked up sibling relationships all the time. some might call it my expertise! but that whole-- i thought YOU were the good one and the successful one and the normal one who made it out, and i could never live up to that because i'm one of the sick fucked up things that crawled out of deadwood. and. you're not!! its like the stairs disappeared beneath your feet!! it's a betrayal on his part too!! the way he subconsciously trusted david immediately re: the syringe and shit even though he kept saying he didn't. it's just... i don't even know if i can articulate it very well right now but it's such a surreal situation. that feeling of awkwardly having to be around your estranged older sibling... yeah you SAY you don't like them and don't give a shit but. he fucking does. he obviously does.
and it's so wretched. to me also like, david saying that also is SO fucking manipulative. this isn't you telling on dad that you're watching tv with sex in it or you have fireball under ur bed this is human rights violations!!!! this is horrific!!! he's saying "ohhh don't tell mom and dad i'm a monster or smething :eyeroll:" with his hands in someone's gaping chest cavity and a scalpel pressed to his artery. it's so jarring and it's so fucking good....
#pd lb#mac tag!#GODD. HI. HI HI. I HOPE WORK IS GOING GOOD. <333#whiskey just met beano!! im so excited for him i love beano :]]]
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Caught Up
Suga x V x Reader- Part 2.
Summary: You are caught in a love triangle between Suga and V which leads to your heart being torn on who is right for you.
I had confirmed with my doctor that I was pregnant. I had no idea who the father was and I did not know which one of them I should tell first. I didn’t want to get their hopes up in case I was wrong, but I had to tell someone. I was in Korea alone miles away from my family. I had not made that many friends since being here which was starting to take a toll on me more than ever.
I went back into the apartment looking at what Yoongi and I had built. No, he did not know what he wanted, but we still created something special and with this baby we could have made something more. Yoongi would make a great father. Attentive to all of our child’s needs. He was going to be a great father or at least there was a chance he was going to be a dad.
On the other hand, Tae was going to make a wonderful father as well. That night we spent talking about our dreams for a family and how he longed to be a father. I had seen him interact with kid fans a couple of times and would sit back in amazement over how great he was with them. He was so gentle and patient. Not to mention how his face would light up. If he was the father it wouldn’t be so bad. It was just that our child would be a be a product of an affair. A brief affair that meant something- to me at least.
I stared at my phone in my hands. Thinking of a single person I could call to help ease my mind some. I searched through my contacts and clicked the number. The voice on the other end answered surprised by the fact that I was calling.
“Come over when you get a chance.” Was all that I said before hanging up. I waited on the couch flipping through random stations mindlessly. I heard the door bell ring all throughout the apartment. I got up and slowly walked to the door. I opened.
Taehyung swiftly stepped pass me and started taking off this shoes. I walked back into the living room, feeling him trail behind me. I sat on the couch and he just stood their unsure of what to do next.
“Have a seat.” I gestured for him to sit next to me. He slowly plopped down, staring at me the entire time. He raised his eyebrows waiting for me to say something else. I took a deep breath and quickly let it out. “I’m pregnant.” I said in one swift movement. Tae’s eyes widened. By his reaction I didn’t know what else to say to him. He cleared his throat and turned away from me. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. He wiped his face with his palm- stressed.
“I don’t know what to say. Is it mine?”
“I don’t know.” I turned him. The tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. “Tae I didn’t know who else to call. We slept with each other and so did Yoongi and I. What was I supposed to do? I don’t want to have you in this position, but you’re all I got right now.” I was in disbelief that the last sentence escaped from my lips; however, he was in fact all I had in that moment. Yoongi was not there and would not be home for another three months. Not to mention all the press engagements and work the BTS that he would have to finish up.
Tae was still in Korea and would be here long enough to stay by my side. But how could I ask a man to stand next to me when I wasn’t even sure if he was the father. It was only a possibility. I couldn’t imagine the pain he would feel if he ever found out it wasn’t his. I also can’t imagine telling Yoongi the news. I felt like either way I would be destroying two people I really cared about. Well, I technically already had. Everything from this point on was going to change and not necessarily for the better.
“Have you told Yoongi?” Tae said snapping me out from my thoughts. I shook my head no. “Are you going to say something to him?” I mouthed I don’t know. Tae quickly got up from his seat and ran his hand through his hair. He started pacing back and forth suddenly stopping in front of me. He kneeled down and creased my face staring into my eyes.
“Tae.” I whispered. He pressed his lips gently against mine. We pulled away simultaneously. He kissed my forehead and held me hand tightly. “What am I supposed to do?”
“We will figure it out Y/N. You have me.” I knew what he said was true, but there was still Yoongi. My mind was still worried about him. I had some time before he would be back, but what would I say. We were on a break and something happened between me and your friend who you worked with. That in trying to figure out what I was in his life I had a moment of weakness. I was a lair. I told Yoongi that I did not like Tae in that way when I did in fact have feelings towards him.
Taehyung stood back up staring down at me. He lifted my chin and kissed me again. I didn’t know if what I was doing was wrong, but I liked Tae a lot. I slowly kissed him back. He gently moved my against the couch and hovered over me. He lifted my shirt. He paused for a moment and looked me in my eyes. He flashed his boxy smile and continued on.
I knew a part of him was hopping that the baby was his. We had grown close to each other and I knew that he wanted kids now. He told me that he was at a point in life where he wanted to build something more. He wanted to have a daughter that reminded him of his grandmother. He would name her after her. He wanted to be a father and show his kids everything he never had like most people. When he would speak of this, I would sit back amazed about how he could vividly describe everything he wanted. I nearly envied him because he knew exactly what he wanted. There was a small part of me that wished Yoongi would have spoken to me this way. Spending hours describing what he wanted. It did not have to be anything he wanted with me, but to give me a glimpse of what he longed for.
I woke up hours later with a blanket shielding my naked body. Tae had his arms wrapped around my waist with his hand over my stomach. I could picture my belly growing and having a little one in my arms. It wouldn’t be for another eight months until I would even get a chance to see my baby. Suddenly, this sense of sadness rushed over me.
I slipped away from Tae’s grasp and quietly put my clothes back on. I went into the bedroom and noticed my phone going off while on the charger. It was Yoongi. I answered.
“Hey!” He said cheerfully. I responded back quietly. “I had called three times, but you didn’t pick up. It had me worried about you.”
“I was just sleeping. I’ve been really tired recently.”
“How come?”
“Um.” I cleared my throat and took a pause. “Yoongi, what- what are we. Are we together?”
“I already told you Y/N, it complicated.”
“That’s the thing Yoongi, I have something to tell you.”
“Y/N are you okay? I miss you back out there.” Tae nearly yelled. I turned around to face him revealing I was on the phone. I could feel immediately that Yoongi heard him.
“What is Taehyung doing over there? Is that what you had to tell me? Why is Taehyung there Y/N?” Every question flew around like bullets. “Y/N say something, what’s going on?”
“Yoongi I’m pregnant.” I blurted out loud. Tae was surprised that I told me. I could almost see his heart sink. The perfect bubble that he imagined just burst. Tae stormed out of the room. I knew he wasn’t leaving, but only mad at the fact that I told.
“You’re pregnant?” Yoongi repeated.
“Yoongi there is something else.” I told Yoongi everything that had happened. That I wasn’t sure who the father was. I told the truth. Needless to say Yoongi did not take the news well. He in his exact words wanted nothing to do with me right now. He felt it was best that we work it out once he got back. He needed time which I understood. I wanted to fight for Yoongi, but knew it was a lost cause. We hung up the phone and I went back into the living room where Tae was.
He was visibly upset. I sat next to him and put my head against his shoulder.
“Why did you tell him?”
“He needed to know Tae.”
“But this changes us Y/N. It could have been perfect. I could be here with you.”
“What happens if its not yours Tae? You do all this and for what if it is Yoongi’s in the end. You resent me and the baby. None of this is a good situation to be in. Everyone loses in the end.”
“Who do you want the father to be? If you want it to be me I can be that. Y/N I like you and I know that you like me to. Why not just do this together?” I stayed silent. He looked down at his palms waiting for me to respond, but I had nothing to say. I was literally torn between two men. A man I knew I loved and a man I knew I could love. They both held the same amount of weight. They both meant something to me. “Y/N I love you.” Once again I was lost for words by that statement. “I love you.” He repeated one last time before the first tear fell from his eyes.
#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts reactions#bts reader#bts x reader#bts#bts suga#bts yoongi#bts taehyung#suga x reader#suga imagine#taehyung x reader#taehyung imagine#bts v#yoongi x reader#yoongi imagine#v x reader
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Thinking about Thaniel and Halsin reuniting again when he wakes.
Thinking about how Halsin describes Thaniel as having been ripped away from him (just as he was from Oliver). How he was the only one able to see and interact with him; how Halsin is very insistent that Thaniel made him who he became. How Halsin's "very first friend" being an encapsulation of nature itself affected the entire trajectory of his life. How that implies, to me, that Halsin and Thaniel were connected on a level far stronger and more significant than just being unlikely playmates as children - even moreso than just Halsin deciding to become his protector as he aged, or the implication of the relationship becoming more along the lines of a parent and child - to the point of being so interconnected and intertwined, Thaniel evidently uprooted and followed Halsin from the High Forest to its own unpredicted detriment.
Thaniel's being cursed and trapped quite literally *did* rip the two of them away from one another, just as tearing Thaniel's being in two twisted and created Oliver. Halsin feels a hole in his absence - a loneliness and disconnect that eats away at him. He describes losing contact with Thaniel all that time ago as being "worst of all", which is saying a lot considering what else was happening to and around Halsin at the time. And all Thaniel talked about whilst trapped was Halsin, insisting to find him because he was the only one who an entire force of nature itself believed could help it.
Losing Thaniel sent Halsin into a century long spiral; Halsin who blames himself for "dawdling" in his own pain as it suffered. Who could almost place himself in the catalyst of Ketheric Thorm's tragedy of losing his daughter pushing him to the edge. It's the elevated metaphorical adult fear of losing a child and the indescribable sorrow involved in that, mixed with the loss of an important childhood and formative influence, mixed with losing a friend, a piece of oneself, all in one.
I just imagine Halsin twitching in his skin to head immediately back to camp after convincing Oliver to return. Distractedly following behind, but evidently elsewhere, until he is dismissed or the group returns. And he is first to arrive and first to break off to his tent, pulling aside the cloth, lacking any considerable delicacy of action, to see Thaniel sitting up, blinking slowly at his surroundings. Alive; the smell of lavender heavy and sweet. Not dead and rotting, not twisted and empty. Small. Frail. Not quite whole. But alive.
And Halsin...hesitates on the threshold, hands shaking, everything having come to its head at last and he doesn't know what to do with himself. He holds his breath, fearful of any disturbance spooking the life away that they'd worked so hard to revive, until Thaniel turns its eye slowly towards him. Two deer caught in a crosspath of light. A century past and there are hundreds of things to do, hundreds of things he had planned to say to him if they succeeded, but all Halsin can manage is a strained: "It's me."
And he does not need to say who he is; Thaniel knows. All those rehearsed things fizzle away in its face. Halsin is older now, he reasons, much older; perhaps Thaniel will not recognize the century carved upon his brow just as Oliver had not. In a moment of desperation, he needs it to know him. Needs Thaniel to remember - but, fool that he is to underestimate the power of life before him, of course he remembers. Of course Thaniel would recognize him, just as he had recognized him after the long winter had passed - when he had changed so much, and was no longer a little elfling and never would be again. Just as Thaniel had recognized him every springtime after, the thawing of ice bringing another year with it, even as its face did not change at all. It must; his eyes betrayed the centuries beneath his boots, even as the child rubbed fitfully at them.
"It's me," Halsin murmurs again, falling to his knees - as if he could make himself impossibly smaller - bring him back to the beginning, turn back the years before it all went wrong. And Thaniel just nods its head and touches little hands to his face, and when he echos his name, it feels like that first thaw of spring again.
"I heard you calling," it whispers, gentle like summer breezes. "You cried for me to stop hiding. You were frightened and did not wish to play anymore. But when I came out, it had gotten dark. I could not find you."
"I know."
"I called back," he continues, even and intoned, but his lip wobbles. "You could not hear me.
"I know," Halsin repeats, brokenly.
Thaniel blinks a few more times, seemingly working out how to reteach a face long asleep, though there were no muscles to move. A false start later, a twitch of the nose, and he is...smiling. "But I kept trying - I knew you would find me."
A single stick too heavy and the dam breaks. Eyes filled with tears, he hugs Thaniel to him like he hadn't since they were children chasing each other through the underbrush with glitters of gold tangled in his hair. Since Thaniel had guided his hand to make the flowers in his father's garden grow. Since all they'd had was each other under the endless canopy of trees.
"Forgive me," Halsin whispers, a century of pain and loss and loneliness exiting from him in a single rush, the cold empty spaces inside him filling up with warmth. And at last he wakes, dragged violently into the open air after drowning for too long, blinded but alive and whole once again. Interconnected; not alone anymore. The earth sings beneath him and Oliver's spirit hovers just beyond the outskirts of his vision. Halsin chokes on his laugh. "I was never very good at this game."
#BG3 Musing#Halsin Posting#Halsin#anyway...yeah - again half purple prose half nonsense#halsin's most valuable relationship in his life is pseudo-spiritually platonic and that means a *lot*#of course he wants to go back to his realm in the end - of course he wants to see him happy and thriving#because i feel like platonic relationships are just so wholly undervalued as being important and healing to people#i am also thinking about halsin telling oliver that he need not invent friends - halsin was likely told as a child#that thaniel was made up i feel it - treated perhaps at best as an entertainment of their son's imagination in his parents' case#because no one else had heard of him or seen him before#even in a land of magic and monsters#halsin providing oliver with the validation he wishes he had as a child#using the 'you needn't invent friends' as a reverse - thaniel is back and real and waiting for your return#see my previous post regarding this for musing about thaniel and oliver being kara-turan-esque nature spirits because tbh#they more align with that - how'd you get here thaniel#using it/he for thaniel feels right in my mind
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hi i already made a post like this but idc! let me say it again!!
cuz my heart goes out to the underrated self shippers who never get their self indulgent work reblogged or get no notes on their posts and never get sent asks or feel ignored by the community or or feel like nobody cares about their ships or maybe find it embarrassing to talk about — you are most definitely not lame or unwanted by the community because your blog is ‘unpopular’, and you have only have a few followers or something.
admittedly, it can be pretty sucky when your imagines, art, fanfics, etc. posts don’t get seen, and no one seems to care about your ships — but HELLO !! ME !! I DO !! i love seeing that stuff so please please pleaseeeee never stop posting about your faves, you’re all very cute when you do and i love you all so much 🤍 you keep the comm going! don’t stop being silly on your blog if it makes ya happy.
i’m sorry your stuff might not get loads of positive interaction sometimes, especially if its something you put a lot of effort into! but rest assured, i personally really love and appreciate that sorta content ( and i’m sure quite a few others do as well! ) so pls add me to your taglists n whatnot! send me your cute gush posts! pls and thank u!
[ dni pr-ship / dd1g / t3rf blogs ]
#sometimes i see people be like ahh nobody cares about my stuff anyways HELLO. ME. HERE. COME TELL ME EVERYTHING PLEPALSELA#i understand the feeling of wanting to be seen and heard and stuff !! you know !!#but i must add: if you feel like its way too overwhelming or your happiness has begun heavily depending on such interaction — take a break!#self ship#self ship positivity#self shipping community#f/o#imagine your f/o#fictoromantic#queue#✦
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