#i thought bc i have to do things with real life
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Starboy | Kim Sunwoo
SUMMARY: you always had one goal in mind: to do your job properly and call it day when it's done and dusted. until on one fateful night when you accidentally exchange phones with the one and only Kim Sunwoo, and your ordinary PR life is going to take a turn for both the good and the bad.
PAIRING: guitarist!Sunwoo x f!reader
GENRE: band au, fluff, angst, slight suggestive, some crack (bcs it's Kim Sunwoo we're talking about 💁♀️)
WARNINGS: nc-17, slow-burn, petnames (girlie, sweetheart, princess, kitten), man's way too obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun, both y/n and Sunwoo bicker A LOT, ofc he's obv flirty as hell here too, ngl he's lowkey kinda a jerk, alcohol, kissing, making out, they both get drunk 😃, they both go through traumatic experiences when it comes to relationships ❤️🩹 (so yknow a lot of figuring things out), arguments, mentions about sleeping pills, cursing, parties whoopie, a couple of flashback scenes, in this fic we say amen hallelujah to Eric Sohn (he's the friend we all need let's be real)
WORD COUNT: 21,742
A/N: happiest dearest birthday to my beloved dongsaeng @justalildumpling 💗 i remember we were once talking about sunwoo x starboy (bcs of this whole photoshoot he did for mediheal 😮💨) so here it is 🫣 once again, shoutout to @drunkdrazed @momhwa-agenda @from-izzy @sungbeam @kyaroscuro @mosviqu for literally helping me (from brainstorming, beta reading, hyping me up, keeping me in check ashnjsd, choosing the banner, and literally just being the best supporters ever yall are amazing ilysm 😙😙😙🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻)
Act 1 (하나): Starboy
“What do you mean you’re not going? It’s The Boyz, Y/N!”
Your roommate immediately shoves the VIP backstage passes right back at you, convincing you that you’re out of your mind to reject such an offer.
“You know me, Flo. I just don’t really get involved in work-related affairs. Frankly, I much prefer hanging out with my close circle instead.”
“You’re no fun. That’s why you barely get to know anyone in the entertainment world. Imagine all of the big celebrities you could make! Hell, sometimes even get concert tickets for free or even attend after-parties!” Your roommate was now grabbing your shoulders and shaking them vigorously, not caring about all the excuses you’ve come up with to prove your point of just staying home after a long day.
“Come with me, come with me, come with me!” Flo whined, and at this point, if you weren’t going to acknowledge her efforts, she might as well be shaking you till your head fell off.
“Alright, alright! Just this one time, then; what even is so good about them? They’re just an ordinary band like the others-”
Flo immediately places a finger to shush you up. “Now that’s where I’m going to stop you, young lady. The Boyz are very much different than all of the groups out there, and I’ll make sure you realise how much you have been missing out this whole time.”
“If you fail to impress me, you’re treating me to ten cups of black tea with cheese foam from Machi Machi.”
With that, your roommate simply just smirked. “Consider it done.”
It turns out that your roommate wasn’t kidding when she mentioned about The Boyz being a hotshot.
You were now standing in front of Watcha Hall, a fairly well-known concert hall that wasn’t too big or too small. These halls were usually meant for rising artists currently out on the market.
As much as you were taken aback (since you usually dealt with smaller bands or artists with smaller venues), you quickly shook your unnecessary thoughts away before entering the hall. With no time to waste, you hastily made your way backstage and greeted your team of colleagues you’ll be working with for the day.
Thankfully, the organisers had sorted everything out beforehand, so there weren’t too many miscommunications or tasks that seemed too complicated to fulfil. You were pretty much enjoying your time going around the venue, making sure to check that everything was right before the concert.
It was definitely slightly challenging compared to the smaller events you were used to, but it wasn’t too hard when you had a good team of colleagues working alongside you.
Just as you were about to wrap things up, you clearly heard the backdoor creak open, and a few echoes followed behind. As soon as you turned to look, you noticed a group of individuals carrying their instruments began entering the venue one by one, protected and surrounded by their managers and bodyguards.
It was The Boyz.
Immediately, they wasted no time, quickly coming around and lined up in a straight line before extending their greetings to all the staff members they would be working with for the day. You noticed how they ensured that they greeted every single staff member without missing anyone, including you.
They would definitely pass as models if they weren’t in a band.
Every single one of them was breathtakingly beautiful and had good mannerisms. However, one of them immediately caught your attention: the male with striking dark black hair with a kuromi band-aid on his face.
Something about him lured you in, and you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly that was. Was it his aura? The good looks? Or the way he presented himself?
You were snapped back into reality when one of your colleagues approached you to tell you about a minor issue that had occurred backstage and required your assistance. Instantly, you took one look at the band before each of them headed straight to their dressing room to change before coming back up on stage for rehearsals.
Just then, you could’ve sworn that the male you laid your eyes upon actually gave you a little smile followed by a wink before he disappeared into the dark.
What exactly did that mean?
Rehearsals went fairly well, and everything was done a few hours earlier than expected. You had some free time, so you took a little stroll outside at the park near the venue. Obviously, you exited through the back since you wouldn’t want to bump into the thousands of fans lining up to enter the hall.
The little walk was a refreshing moment for you, and you needed it badly, especially after going through months of endless events without having much time for yourself like this.
While strolling through the park, you finally found yourself on an empty bench, perfect for rest while enjoying the breeze. Right then, you decided to whip out your phone and search for The Boyz. You were curious to know why exactly your roommate was obsessed with them.
After some digging, you realise that they have built quite a reputation for themselves: winning multiple awards, being nominated for band of the year, and taking up the role of ambassadors of many beauty brands currently on the market.
Once again, you couldn’t deny that they were all relatively good-looking and would strive to be a celebrity without a doubt. However, your eyes fall upon the man who caught your attention during rehearsals. As you scrolled further down, you came to learn of his name.
Kim Sunwoo, the guitarist of The Boyz.
That name now sounded slightly too familiar for you, though you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly it was that. As much as you tried recalling from the back of your mind, only a hazy recollection of that name rings in your head, and nothing else helpful popped up.
Now that you know that this man had something to do with you, it is best to dig in further about him and ask your childhood best friend who knew you best—from your personality to your likes and dislikes. Immediately, you texted her before deciding it was time for you to head back to the venue to prepare for the show.
“Hey Lyla, would you mind searching up about this man named Kim Sunwoo to see if you can find anything interesting?”
The venue was filled with fans from the front stage to the back, and the same went on the upper floor. You were surprised that their popularity wasn’t just for the show; they had fans ranging from teens to middle-aged. Moreover, you noticed a few prominent celebrities sitting in the crowd for the night, sitting in the VIP zone with their bodyguards, as if they were not just enjoying but also evaluating the show.
The band members knew exactly that those celebrities, besides their very own fans, had eyes on them. Hence, they knew that they had to give it out all for the night, and they did just that. Their performance was like no other and very different from the ones you were used to, and you were instantly captivated from the beginning of the show. Each member had their unique colours, and they all stood out in their very own ways.
As you continued to listen to their music in a much more precise manner, you noticed how each lyric meant something, as well as the choice of keys, instrumentals, and how each instrument and vocals just seemed to blend and create the perfect song to perform as a group.
Before you knew it, two hours passed so quickly, and the band was now lined up and giving their fans a final bow before going one by one backstage. At this time, it was also your cue to head there, meet them personally, and hopefully get to know them a lot better.
Sure enough, the backstage was filled with snacks and drinks to fuel the artists and staff after a successful performance. You decided to go for the simple lemonade pop fizzy drink before taking it and heading into the room where everyone was. Once the director made everyone raise their glasses of beverage to do a loud cheer, everyone began dispersing into their groups to catch up with one another.
Your roommate’s words constantly echoed in your mind: “Go and meet them personally! Do not let your VIP pass go to waste!”.
That is only if your anxiety wasn’t up the roof.
You have tried to walk up towards the idols multiple times but have only ended up retreating to the entrance. You had yet to learn what you would say to them upfront.
Hey, the show was incredible I loved it! Oh my gosh, you looked absolutely stunning in that black leather jacket!
No, that was way too common. You were sure that every fan would’ve said the same to them.
After a good 10 minutes of internal battling, you decided that it was best to head back to your accommodations and call it a night. Instantly, you grabbed the phone lying on the glass table near the makeup station, assuming it was yours since you had been looking for it right before the show started.
It wasn’t unusual for you to misplace your belongings; it was something both Flo and your childhood best friends back in Busan—Lyla and Bella had always commented about you. But since the phone was a dark midnight black, it must be yours since you were the only staff member with an iPhone in that particular colour anyway.
Little did you know that all it took was one small mistake for you to end up in an awkward situation that would soon follow.
If you could yell at yourself out loud right now, you would certainly do it without a care in the world. Only now that you were out in the dark and it was slightly freezing, you're left squatting down in front of the twenty-four-hour convenience store with the mobile in hand.
How exactly did you end up in this situation? You should have checked the phone thoroughly before bolting out from the concert hall to your hotel.
As soon as you returned, you tossed all your belongings aside and took a quick, warm shower. You couldn’t care less about wanting to have a nice relaxing salt bath—which you would usually do whenever you get booked into a luxury hotel. You were too exhausted, and all you wanted to do was lie in bed while scrolling through random Instagram reels for the night.
Immediately after the shower, you wrapped your dripping wet hair up with a towel before plopping down onto the bed, trying to unlock your phone, which was encrypted with your Face ID.
Only this time, the Face ID wasn’t recognised, and the wallpaper differed from the one you had just changed a couple of nights ago.
This wasn’t your phone.
Instantly, panic rushed upon you, and you did not know who this phone belonged to. You could head straight back to the concert hall, though you will likely run out of luck since there would only be a couple of security guards left to clear out the space during this late at night.
Or you could try calling your manager or roommate if you remember their mobile numbers before this.
You were tossing and turning around your bed, not knowing what to do, and worried that whoever had your phone must’ve probably hacked into your system by now.
No no, they can’t do that! I have tons of important emails and work stuff in there-
Your train of thought was immediately cut off when an unknown number began calling the phone in your possession. You quickly shot up from the bed before taking a deep breath and answering the mysterious phone call.
“Hey, I think you might’ve gotten my phone instead,” the voice on the other end of the line spoke.
“Y-Yeah! I’m so sorry. I should’ve checked earlier before I left; I know it’s not right for me to steal-”
“No worries, man. Say, would you mind going to the convenience store near the hotel to exchange our phones back?”
“C-Certainly! I’ll get dressed now and be there as soon as possible!”
So all of that happened within the span of half an hour, and you were now waiting patiently outside the convenience store, waiting for whoever the owner is to come as quickly as they can because, frankly, you’re about to start freezing to death at this point.
After what seemed like a long 10 minutes, you began to hear footsteps approaching your way. You shot up and squinted your eyes to see the individual slowly emerging from the shadows. The moment you landed your eyes on them, your jaw immediately dropped, now knowing who exactly the phone's owner belonged to.
“K-Kim Sunwoo?!” You scream before the male quickly dashes towards you and cups your mouth with his bare hands.
“Yes, it’s me. Are you trying to expose me right out here in public?”
“N-No, that wasn’t my intention-” You tried speaking in your muffled voice.
Sunwoo finally lets go before he gave you a little chuckle and reached through his back pocket to hand you your phone back. “Since you accidentally took my phone, why don’t you keep me company for a little while?”
It took you a little while to process the thought before the alarms started ringing off in your head, and you quickly positioned yourself in defence mode. “Oh hell no, you ain’t touching me, mister. I don’t care if you’re an idol, there’s no way-”
Sunwoo immediately burst into laughter, laughing so hard that he was now wrapping his arms around his stomach, and tears started forming in his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not a predator.”
“Well, at least that’s not how it goes in certain cases out there.”
“Girlie, you watch too many crime documentaries. I can assure you that I’m a harmless guitarist who’s just craving for some Neoguri Ramyun.”
Instantly, you lowered your guard down and straightened your position. “You’re here to eat ramen?”
“Now, I have no idea why that came as a shocker to you. It’s very common for idols to sneak out in the middle of the night to head to the convenience store for some late-night snack.”
“How do your managers not notice someone missing from the hotel rooms?”
“Eh, I have my ways…and no. I’m not telling you,” Sunwoo immediately rejected your advances when you started walking closer to him.
“Hmph, you’re no fun. Just when I thought I could get some valuable inside scoop from you,” you sulked.
He scoffed. “You’re a funny one; I like you.” Right after that, he immediately grabs hold of your wrist before dragging you into the convenience store.
“Neoguri Ramyun with red chilli flakes. My treat, and I’ll show you how to cook it properly.”
Act 2 (둘): Party Monster
You were still baffled by that ramen date you had with the one and only Kim Sunwoo the night before. Well, you wouldn’t exactly call it a “date”, but you had no idea how else to describe it properly.
He was a lot different from how you imagined him to be—very upbeat, someone who loved to crack jokes every chance he got, and hilarious as hell. Honestly, you enjoyed your time with him at the convenience store. He definitely taught you the proper way to make Neoguri Ramyun, even though you insisted that you wanted Shin Ramyun the entire time or some Mala Oden instead. You just never got the hype for Neoguri Ramyun after the countless times that your roommate Flo has forced you to try them.
But that all changed last night, and you were about to add this to your cart whenever you headed out to do your usual groceries every weekend. You had never seen someone talking about ramen so passionately as he did, and what’s more interesting was that this was coming from an idol, not some random dude you would meet on the streets.
However, you had to constantly argue with the man about not consuming too much of it, and it would be better for him to get some protein in his diet. He would just shrug you off and stand firm with his answer.
“Hey, I once read an article about an elderly man who survived for 50 years by just consuming Neoguri Ramyun. He’s my actual idol if you ask me,” Sunwoo argued.
“Sure, you’re gonna get high cholesterol the next time I see you,” you spat right into his face.
“Watch me, girlie. I will still be as fit as I was performing on stage tonight. Or hell, even buffer and healthier than I was before.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“And that’s why I get all the girls to like me, sweetheart.”
That last line would constantly replay in your head, as much as you didn’t want it to. You knew he was just saying it as part of his demeanour, but you couldn’t help but reminisce on your past.
Because that was what your ex always said, and it turns out those weren’t just empty words.
You were brought back to reality when you realised you had been overfilling your mug with cold milk, which was now splattered across the dining table. Not wanting your roommate to wake up screaming at the top of her lungs at you, you quickly grabbed the nearest cloth to wipe away all the evidence, chugging down the liquid before you dashed right out the door.
As you made your way to the local subway, you suddenly felt a ring within the inside pocket of your jacket. You waited until you had gone up the train before taking your phone out to see whatever it was.
It was a text from Sunwoo.
As if yesterday still felt like a dream for you, so many questions lingered in your mind about how exactly he got your number until you remembered that you both had swapped phones for a couple of hours before giving them back to their rightful owners.
As soon as you read his first message, you couldn’t help but form a smile before texting one back eagerly.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: good morning, princess. how did you sleep last night? I’m sure that hot warm ramyun definitely gave you a well-rested night.
y/n: as if. i had to use the bathroom multiple times this morning because of how spicy you made the broth to be.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: shame, you don’t have a strong and capable immune system like i do
y/n: shut your mouth, mister. or else I’ll report you to your managers about your disappearance last night.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: you wouldn’t 🥰
y/n: try me, bitch 😄
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: feisty. this is why i like you. say, do you wanna catch up some time for dinner? my treat again, of course 😙
y/n: what makes you think that i would risk my life to go out with you in plain sight? unlike you, i clearly care about my job and i wouldn’t want to risk that.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: now that’s just rude. i was going to treat you to the newly opened Sheraton Hotel a few blocks away from the concert venue since i had extra vouchers. i guess not anymore-
y/n: now why didn’t you say so earlier!! count me in im coming!! 😍
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: that’s what i like to hear. get yourself ready and send me your location later on, i’ll pick you up tonight at 8 😉
“What do you mean you’re going on a date with the actual Kim Sunwoo?!?!”
Okay, on second thought. Maybe you shouldn’t have spilt the tea with your roommate just yet.
“It’s not a date, Flo. He’s just treating me to a meal for returning his phone back to him,” you answered while digging through your wardrobe for what to wear for the night.
“Umm, hello? The Sheraton Hotel? That’s a fancy place where people go for candlelight dinners! He’s clearly onto something.”
“You read too many romance novels. There’s no way I’m getting involved in any of those fiascoes. I’m just there for the free food.”
“Whatever you say, ma’am. You clearly want to impress the guy himself,” Flo pointed to the black slim-fit dress you picked and a sparkly cardigan to keep yourself warm.
“Hey, what’s wrong with being all glammed up? After all, it’s been a while since I’ve felt this pumped,” you laughed before heading straight to your makeup desk to get started. “Besides, I think I’ve had enough moping episodes, and I’m ready to head back into the party scene.”
“The party scene? Oh hell no, don’t tell me you’re going to bring Sunwoo to your favourite clubs-”
You turned around to meet your roommate face to face while applying foundation with your beauty blender on your cheeks. “Why yes, darling, I’m going to do just that. I think it’ll be interesting to see if he can beat my alcohol tolerance.”
“You’re just too much sometimes, Y/N. I don’t even know if that’s going to be a great idea, you know, after how that last one went-”
“Flo, I assure you. I’m fine. I’m all over him. I’m no longer seeking a relationship; I just want to get out there and return to my safe space and have some fun.”
In return, your roommate could only sigh before walking back towards you. She grabbed your hairbrush right next to your makeup desk to start brushing out your hair before helping you style it with your curler.
“Just promise me you won’t be crying in my arms again. I don’t wanna go through that hell of a phase you had back then,” Flo stressed, making sure that you listened carefully and that her words have gone straight into your mind.
“I promise. My heart will be as hard as steel from now on.”
“You definitely don’t seem like the type of guy who would drive,” you commented as you sat comfortably in the passenger seat while Sunwoo rested one of his arms on the armrest and the other on the steering wheel.
“When will you stop looking down on me? I assure you that I have many hobbies and talents and excel in every single one of them,” Sunwoo pouted, which in return made you giggle. “I swear if I wasn’t driving right now, I would’ve charged right at you and taught you a lesson.”
“Like what? Tickle me? That’s so old-school, Kim.”
“Whatever you say, Princess. But hey, thanks for accepting the offer. I knew you would be the perfect one for this little getaway I have during my free time.’
“I’m just here for the free food, sir. Nothing else.”
“Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. Usually, people turn me down even if the food is luxurious and scrumptious; I’d like to think that you have some other motive-”
“Look up at the road ahead and drive, Kim. You don’t even meet my standards in men, anyway,” you crossed your arms before extending your tongue out at him.
“Damn, why did they even choose you to be part of the PR team? And I thought people who do events like you are a lot more friendlier and nice,” Sunwoo fired back.
“I am friendly and nice to many people, but not to you, apparently,” you shrugged.
“And how can I help change your mind about me?”
“You can’t, and you won’t. Just hurry up and let me taste some luxurious seafood; I’m starving.”
“Ungrateful.”
“Not my fault that you’re flirty as hell. It just makes me want to drag you down some more.”
With that, you both chuckled as the drive stopped before Sunwoo exited his vehicle, walked towards your side to help you open the door, and extended his hand to you. “We have arrived, Princess.”
You gave him an eye-roll before resting your hands on his and stepping out of his vehicle. “You better be treating me to good food; otherwise, I will give you a rating of 1.5 out of 5 stars on Google reviews.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, darling. I aim to please.”
You retracted everything you said about the male himself; he definitely knew all the ways to a woman’s heart.
He actually made an effort to pull the chair away from the table and escorted you to a seat before taking the napkin placed on the table and draping it over your thighs before going across to have a seat himself. He ordered the best champagne for the both of you, paired with an 8-course dinner, and you certainly felt like it was your birthday.
No man has treated you this way before, not even your ex.
Another difference about Sunwoo was that he was willing to ask more about you and actually tried to listen to everything you had to say. He was the complete opposite of your ex—he presented himself well, knew how to read the room so as not to push the question further if it made either one of you uncomfortable, and always made sure to check up on you.
He insisted that you give a proper review for each meal, for he would give feedback to the chef behind the meal planning and prep. Sunwoo often visited the hotel, after all, since the company would usually be hosting any sort of private events here, and all of the staff felt like home to him.
At one point, he noticed a little stain on the corners of your lips, and he instantly took his napkin and leaned forward to wipe it away by instinct. This little action made you blush, and your cheeks turned pink to red within seconds. Sunwoo, being the man he was, had to point it out, making you feel much more embarrassed than before.
Throughout the night, he would often call you pretty and cute, and each time, you would try to brush it off and think nothing much of it, but you just seemed to fail horribly each time.
You won’t deny that he looked absolutely stunning compared to wearing a hoodie at the convenience store the night before. He made an effort to style himself tonight; his hair gelled and parted to the sides, and he wore this black suit with some hints of sparkle throughout the fit.
This is definitely not the look of a guitarist from a band—he looked way too good for that. In fact, he could definitely pass as an idol or actor, and he was certainly on par with the top good-looking models you have previously worked with.
You were not planning to tell him that; his ego was already too much for you to handle, and you certainly wouldn’t be surviving his teases if he found out what you thought about him. Instead, you hastily chomped away your food and the dessert that finally came and suggested that you wanted to bring him to one of the clubs you often frequented back then.
Sunwoo was reluctant, and you could see in his eyes that he was contemplating whether to go. That action intrigued you, and you couldn’t help but comment on it.
“Why? Are you afraid to drink? Or do you have horrible alcohol tolerance?” You smirked as you crossed your arms together.
“Neither. Let’s go.”
His response seemed slightly colder than usual, and he was up and ready to pay the bills before exiting the hotel. You quickly trailed behind and guided him to the club a few blocks from the hotel. You reassured him that nobody would bother him at the club since most people are just there to have fun, and usually, half of them are just busy making out with one another or tipsy.
After going through the identification at the entrance, you guided him down to the section where you often stayed for the night. It was much quieter than the others around the area, and there was a little bar at the corners for those who preferred to chat while having a drink.
You offered to pay for Sunwoo’s this time and handed him a long island cocktail to fuel him for the night. Instead of drinking it immediately, Sunwoo spun the glass around with his hand, swirling his drink while staring at it.
On the other hand, you chugged down your beverage almost immediately, and only then did you notice how Sunwoo seemed a lot quieter now. In fact, this is the most quiet he has been ever since you’ve met him.
“Long Island is not suited for your taste, sir?” You joked before ordering another cup from the bartender.
“No…it’s just…I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to drink tonight, Y/N.”
That was the first time he actually called out your name.
As the alcohol slowly enters your system, the tipsiness begins kicking in, and you are getting high at this point. Most importantly, you wanted to tease him more now.
“Aww, a star like you can’t handle a little cocktail? Guess you’re not what everyone seems to label you as then~” you purred before leaning in close to taunt him.
With that, Sunwoo finally looked into your eyes, and you noticed how they were slowly turning black before he chugged the entire cocktail down his throat. It took him a while to swallow everything and open his eyes, and when he finally did, he grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the nearest bathroom stall before pining you up against the door.
You were startled by the sudden move he made, but the alcohol was just not making you rational at this point, and you just wanted to taunt him even more. “What is it now? You’re going to teach me a lesson? Mr Kim?”
“Oh hell yes I am, Y/N.”
With that, he was now holding both of your wrists with one hand before the other snakes down to touch your body before resting it on your waist. Sunwoo then leans forward to the point that both of your lips are now mere inches apart.
“You’re going to regret making me consume alcohol for the night, Miss Y/N.”
Act 3 (셋): Rockin’
You were woken up with the sun blaring onto your face and the birds chirping outside the windows. You began rubbing your eyes until you felt something draped over your body.
A blanket?
Instantly, you jolted up and looked around your surroundings. You have no idea where exactly you were, and this was definitely not your apartment. Frantically, you looked around to take in as much information as possible, just in case you needed to report to the authorities.
Okay…there’s a white curtain, a fireplace, a laptop-
“Ouch!”
You suddenly felt something cold come into contact with your cheeks, and you quickly darted your attention towards whatever it was. That was when you looked up to see the familiar man holding a glass of ice water toward your cheeks. He immediately let go the moment you grabbed the cup into your hands.
“Drink that. You need it,” Sunwoo replied before walking across the room to pick up your clothing tossed on the floor.
Oh my god.
You quickly placed the glass water on the nightstand before lifting the blankets to see if you were wearing anything underneath.
“Calm down, princess. I have not stooped that low to do the nasty with a woman I just met. I had to help change your clothes into something a lot more comfortable because there’s no way you’re sleeping comfortably with that tight dress for the entire night.”
So that was what happened.
“B-But still! You changed my clothing without my consent-”
“And leave you all dirtied with splatters of alcohol all over that dress and then sleep in MY bed? Very unlikely and not gentleman at all.”
You were not convinced just yet. “T-Then, you slept beside me the entire night!?”
“I slept on the couch in the living room, obviously. You basically had my bedroom for the entire night, a solid 8 hours, to be exact.”
As soon as you took every information in, you plopped straight down onto the pillow, burying your face with your hands. You couldn’t believe your return to the party scene led you back to Sunwoo’s apartment. You had promised yourself and Flo that nothing would happen and that you knew how to stop before things proceeded further.
Guess all of that effort went straight down the drain.
“Look, I…I’m so sorry I’ve caused you so much trouble. I swear, none of this was my intention; it’s just the alcohol, and I was desperate and-”
“Oh, I know. Baby.”
Just when you opened your eyes, Sunwoo was now sitting at the edge of the bed and very close to you. By instinct, you retreated and moved towards the side, but that only made Sunwoo come closer and eventually rest his fingers on your chin.
“Whatever happened last night? Will stay between us, Y/N. Frankly, I did enjoy my time with you. I think it would be nice if you could attend the parties that I will be hosting from now on. I’m sure you’ll be a great addition to the party scene.”
It took a few seconds for you to process that thought, and you blinked as a response to that. Seeing that you were too stunned to speak, he decided to press on.
“I’ll drop you back to your apartment in an hour, so get dressed and take a warm shower in my bathroom, hmm? I’ll be waiting outside in the living room.”
Once he was done, he stood up before heading straight to turn the doorknob, leaving you alone to pull yourself together and get ready before it was time to go. Right before closing the door, he decided to add one more crucial detail that he had left out.
“By the way, your lips tasted exactly like my favourite strawberry lip gloss that I often apply whenever I go up to perform on stage.”
“You did what!?” Flo was screaming right at the top of her lungs this time, not caring about all of the stares you both had been getting for the past 10 minutes since you arrived at the cafe before spilling the tea with her.
“Look, nothing happened. He just happened to take care of me and made sure that I was safe-”
“Nothing happened!? How can you be so sure? Who knows, he might’ve touched you while you were asleep-”
You grabbed her shoulders to calm her down. “Flo. Nothing. Happened.”
Your roommate immediately swatted your hands away and crossed her arms as she laid back on the bench, giving you an immense side-eye while she was at it. “Either way, you broke your promise. You said you were going to be responsible, but look at what you did!”
At times like this, you just wanted to vanish from the depths of the earth as you knew your roommate always had this motherly figure between the two of you. Ever since you moved out from your little hometown on the outskirts of Seoul, Flo was the one who managed to guide you around and became your roommate in the blink of an eye.
She had moved in a week before you did, and originally the tenant wouldn’t let anyone enter the properties anymore. But you were desperate at the time, as you needed a space to live in as soon as possible before starting the following week, and Flo was the one who managed to talk it out with the tenant to give you a room.
It has been a year, and you both managed to fit right into your studio apartment, becoming much closer than you thought you would. After all, Flo had made a pact with your childhood friends, who have always looked out for you throughout your time back home, ensuring you were always in good hands no matter where you went.
“I think I’m going to have to report to Lyla and Bella,” Flo huffed before taking out her phone. She was about to make the call before you managed to stop her right there.
“Do not. Call them over trivial matters like this. I do not need them to be on the train to Seoul right now,” you warned.
“Clearly, you did not know how to limit boundaries, Miss Y/N. You said you were not looking for a relationship, then why did you even make out with the Kim Sunwoo in the club?”
“Can you just- not say his name out loud,” you hissed. “Look, we were both drunk; it was just a one-night thing, okay? That’s not going to happen anymore. Hell, I’m even pissed at myself for falling for the guy so easily like that.”
“Well, you should be. You have a lot of things to work on, young lady.”
“Okay, but first of all, can you just stop being mad at me?”
“Not until you have learnt your lesson. No more boys and no more kissing. And most importantly.” Flo now stood up and cupped both of your cheeks with her hands. “No more alcohol. Understood?”
You sighed. “I’ll bake matcha cookies with you when we get back.”
Instantly, Flo let go of her hands before sitting back down and giving you a devilish smile. “Now, that’s more like it.”
Nothing much happened after that, and your phone has been unusually silent over the past week. There hasn’t been much going on at work either, so you have been working remotely and having much more time to yourself.
You would laze around the apartment a little too much, but you were glad you could sit back and relax for a bit. All you had to do was respond to some work emails, and that was it. Most of the time, you would spend your time baking with Flo (because she insists) or just going through the list of shows you have meant to catch up on Netflix.
Just as you were done clocking out for the week, your supervisor informed the entire department that you would continue working remotely the following week and would only be back in the office in a fortnight.
Ever since that conversation with Flo back at the cafe, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to return to your hometown to visit your family and friends. You only need to bring your laptop back, and you can work remotely instead. With that, you quickly stood up, took out one of your smaller luggage and began sorting out the clothes you would bring back.
That is until an unexpected message came through.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: hey princess, just checking up on you
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝 : how have you been feeling?
Really? A text from Sunwoo after a week of not saying anything?
You honestly were just planning to leave him on read, but something within you said that you should give him a reply; he, in fact, was concerned about your well-being.
You could definitely trust this guy. Right?
y/n: been good, burying myself with work.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: that’s unfortunate. but if you do happen to be free tomorrow night… 👀
y/n: whatever are you planning this time, Sunwoo
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: just the usual parties at Eric’s villa. you’ll come, won’t you?
Tomorrow. But you were planning to head back to your hometown.
Now you were in a dilemma; you know that you have only known this guy a little shy of just one week, yet there was this prominent mutual attraction between you two—at least, you wanted to think of it that way.
But were you ready to ditch your friends and family over this guy? Over a party where you could potentially get drunk once again and make questionable decisions that you were certain you would regret later on?
You contemplated asking Flo to help you choose, but given that she did not take your last encounter with the male well, it’s probably not a very good idea at this point. You could flip a coin and respectfully choose the side you’ve assigned the decision to, but why go through the lengths of all that?
It was either a yes or no, simple as that. Yet, you were pacing around the room, scratching your head while at it, until one more text came from the man himself.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: y/n, you there? don’t leave me on read 🙁
Argh, goddamit we ball.
y/n: pick me up tomorrow, the usual.
“Damn, I had no idea your bandmate Eric was this rich,” you commented before taking a sip of your mocktail that you took at the entrance.
Yes. Mocktail. You weren’t ready to go down the same path you had in the previous encounter you had with Sunwoo.
“Boy grew up rich, alright. He has one villa back in the States, too.”
“And I assume all of you have been there?”
“Oh, we often stay there for a couple of nights whenever we’re in Los Angeles. I say it's a win-win situation, given that we have free accommodations. Besides, his mum has taken a liking to us all, particularly me.” Sunwoo nudges your shoulders as he says that last sentence.
“Don’t be stupid. You look horrendous,” you spat.
“Now, that’s not what you said to me the other day, Princess.”
You were baffled. “Huh? What did I say?”
“Oh, darling. You said many things when we were making out. You were pretty much a very vocal one at that, too,” he grinned before taking a sip of his drink, but you couldn’t just let this slip away easily. “Ow! Why did you pinch my arm for!”
You pulled his shirt down so that you could whisper into his ear. “You’re going to have to tell me what exactly happened that day, and it stays between us and only us.”
“Seems like girlie couldn’t remember a single detail from that night after all, hmm?” Sunwoo smirked before he took a strand of your hair and intertwined it around his finger.
Again, you swatted his hands away. “Don’t play games with me, Sunwoo. Tell me everything right now; I need to know for the sake of my well-”
Before you could even finish your sentence, Sunwoo immediately pulled you down onto one of the empty sun loungers scattered throughout the pool area, and little did you realise that you had just landed on his lap.
“Stop wasting all of the unnecessary energy, Y/N. We’re here tonight just to relax and party, hmm? That heated make-out session is history. What matters is you’re here with me,” he cooed.
Oh hell, this is going to be a long night indeed.
Act 4 (넷): Secrets
It definitely took you a while to break free from Kim Sunwoo’s arms. At one point, you were both just chatting—well, more likely bickering, and then the next thing that happened was the both of you got pulled towards the pool table located at the side of the outdoor swimming pool area where the boys and several other girls were playing beer pong.
Eventually, you gave in and represented your team in a couple of rounds, only having to drink once or twice as compared to Sunwoo. He was a mess by the time the game got around to the tenth round, and he had his arm over you and slowly laid his head on the crook of your neck.
It was fairly common as you saw the other boys and girls around you doing the same thing; people were just having fun, and a little skinship could do no harm.
After some time, you decided that you needed some alone time and retreated into the house, where you found a cosy couch just to sit back and relax a little. Everyone was still in the outdoor area, with only a handful of people chilling and just talking with one another around the living space, so you didn’t really mind it at all.
Slowly sipping your drink, you decided just to take in everything that had happened back in the past week. You were back in the party scene again, back to drinking (which you’ve definitely missed), and you actually felt that your life was lit up again after so long.
It took you a while to get over your ex, and that previous relationship ruined you so badly that you couldn’t even drink or go to a club for quite some time. To think that you had met Sunwoo through one of the events you were part of, trading back each other’s phones just because you were the one who mistakenly took his, and then getting close with him until you were now part of the band’s social scene? It was wild.
Suddenly, you felt a little thump as someone made their way to take a seat next to you, and you realised who it was the moment he brushed his hair back with his hands.
“You must be Y/N? Sunwoo has talked a lot about you,” he lifted his glass of whiskey to prompt you to do a little cheer before taking a good sip of his beverage.
“Thanks for letting me come tonight; I really appreciate it,” you responded politely to the male.
“Oh no, thank you for coming, actually. Without you, our recent concert wouldn’t have been a huge success as it was.”
You chuckled. “You’re joking. All of your concerts do great all the time, Eric.”
“Not always. There are usually a few seats left empty in our previous one. But this? We have been told that all seats were sold out in nearly ten minutes before the website crashed. You and your team made it happen, Y/N.”
You weren’t too sure if it was because of the alcohol or if it was getting a little too stuffy in the house, but you could only respond by giving him a little nod before downing your drink to ease the awkwardness.
You didn’t seem to have to worry much because Eric was a sociable guy. He would come up with random topics that could keep you busy throughout the night, and frankly, you enjoyed yapping about every single one of them, and he did just the same.
Before you knew it, laughter began filling the room, and it was from both of you (mostly Eric because he is one loud fellow). At one point, you laughed so much that tears had formed within the corners of your eyes, and Eric had to pull the nearby tissue box to hand them to you.
“Oh my god, you can be a stand-up comedian, Sohn.”
“I’ve been told multiple times if only the members would acknowledge that,” he pouts.
“They don’t? How could they?”
“You tell me! Clearly, they don’t know how to appreciate LA humour in the slightest. But now I’ve found someone who does,” he points his glass again at you to indicate another cheer before the two of you drink your beverages. “Say, Y/N. Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot your shot, mister. I’m prepared for anything, even if it means I will be laughing my ass off until tomorrow morning,” you replied confidently, thinking that he was about to pull another lame joke.
Only this time, he was going to press on something serious instead.
“What are your thoughts about Sunwoo? Be honest with me.”
Huh? Why are we shifting the topic back to Sunwoo?
“I…umm…he’s just a guy, I guess. I don’t know him well enough to determine that much yet,” you answered bluntly, hoping it was enough to give him a satisfactory answer.
It took Eric a little while to respond properly before you eventually caught him staring right at your collarbone, causing you to touch the very spot he was eyeing at. “Umm…is something wrong?”
“No, not at all. But listen to me very carefully, Y/N. You will be needing this.”
Immediately, Eric gently pulled you closer so he could whisper into your ear, ensuring that the coast was clear and nobody was around to eavesdrop before muttering those words that caused you to linger in your mind for the entire night.
“Whatever you do, do not get yourself involved in Sunwoo’s affairs. Stay as far away as you can from him.”
Just like that, Eric was up and ready to excuse himself as he had to tend to the other guests. He gave you one final smile accompanied by a single wave before he headed towards the exit. Right before he left, you could catch something he muttered softly under his breath, something you wished you hadn’t heard.
“Kim Sunwoo, I guess you are still the very same bastard just as you were back then.”
It has been a couple of weeks since you were invited to the party at Eric’s villa in central Seoul. As much as you tried your best to ignore the warnings Eric had told you about Sunwoo, you couldn’t help but constantly think about it throughout the entire day.
Sure, Sunwoo was a flirt—but he wouldn’t go as far as to harm you physically or emotionally.
In fact, you have been in close contact with the man himself almost every weekend. The band was off-season for a little while, which meant he would be back in Seoul during the weekends, as his schedules were free. Hence, he had a lot of time to bring you around Seoul and to all of his favourite restaurants that he frequented either as a celebrity or where he often went during his trainee days.
He has built up a reputation for himself, and all of the owners of the restaurants near his old dormitory with the members treated him like their own son. At times, certain owners would even treat him to a free meal, so that basically meant you were getting a free ride, too, since you were his acquaintance.
You just couldn’t seem to fathom that a guy like Sunwoo was someone comparable to your ex.
Your ex has done multiple things in the past which made you feel like an outcast for a while. You stopped going to parties, being the sociable fairy you once were, and hell, even let yourself get close to a man ever again.
Your previous relationship traumatised you to the point that you needed a break from everything and everyone, including your best friends and family.
That was why you fled to Seoul—you wanted a new life, a new beginning, and a little escape from everyone for a little while. The moment you received a call back from your current agency about hiring you to be part of their PR team, you were astounded. You have always loved meeting new people and wanted to do everything you could to help them until your ex-boyfriend changed everything.
It just so happened that your encounter with The Boyz was meant to have several chapters down the line. Usually, you would work with a group or artist until the day of the concert or event, and then you would return to your normal routine. There were no meet-ups or getting close to the celebrities or their acquaintances. You’d like to think that it was fate that you had become close mutual friends with The Boyz.
Until that fateful night when Eric warned you about Sunwoo.
You couldn’t believe it, or rather, you didn’t want to believe that.
All you wanted was to have someone like Sunwoo come into your life again—to drag you out of your shell and back to where you truly belong.
That is until a phone call came from your best friend.
“Y/N. I think I’ve found something that should piqued your interest,” Lyla announced on the phone.
Act 5 (다섯): All I Know
It seemed that the days of relaxation had ended when the band finally received some sample songs for their upcoming album. As the group's lead songwriter, Sunwoo was already in the studio at 3 a.m., going through each one with his team of producers.
When it came to his job, Sunwoo poured his whole heart and soul into them, and he can be very meticulous when selecting the song that would suit the team best. He was cautious and ensured that each member had time to shine and portray their unique skills throughout the song.
This is also a time when he would be the hardest to contact if there ever was a situation in which someone needed his presence as soon as possible. Technically, he would always leave his phone on silent mode throughout the day but opt for the do-not-disturb mode when in the studio. He just disliked it when he got interrupted during his train of thought while in his creative mindset.
But hunger would never escape him, and his tummy began making growling noises. Then, he finally checked his phone for the very first time since he stepped into the studio. It was already 9:30 in the morning, and he hadn’t had any food since 6 p.m. the day before.
If he wanted to get back on his feet, he obviously had to do something to satisfy the grumbling noises that would soon fill the entire studio if he had left it just there and then. So he quickly took his hoodie and was off to the nearest convenience store near the company.
As usual, he walked straight towards the ramen aisle and quickly grabbed his favourite Neoguri Ramyun, which had to be the spiciest one. To top it off with a beverage, he went straight to the freezer box to grab an ice cup and paired it with his favourite chocolate milk drink that came in a packet, which he would then empty the continents into the cup itself after purchase.
He was going to walk straight to the cashier until your voice suddenly rang in his head.
The hell do you survive on just ramen all the time? Add on some healthier carbs, will you?
Just like that, he turned his heels back towards the aisle and grabbed an onigiri that looked pretty decent enough to pair with his noodles and coffee.
There. I’ve added rice. It’s more than enough. He replied mentally towards your voice.
Usually, he would bring his so-called “breakfast” back to the studio and eat while working, but he decided that it wouldn’t hurt just to sit down and chill in the store while admiring the clear blue skies for the day. It had been raining for the past few days so it was nice to get a little sunlight in a while.
As he chomped down on his food, he just couldn’t stop thinking about that very first time when you both had met back at the store that was located near the concert venue and how you were doubting his ability to actually make an ordinary cup of ramen taste just as good as Sunwoo acclaimed to be all the time.
“What, you’re just adding chopped green jalapeno and sesame seeds. That doesn’t make a difference,” you argued, having done the same with the noodles at your apartment.
“Not just any jalapeno and sesame seeds, it has to be the one that specifically comes with this spiciest addition that you can request at your local convenience store for the add-on,” he proclaimed while throwing all of the ingredients together before mixing it up well with the wooden chopsticks.
Still unconvinced, you gave him an immense side-eye as he pushed the cup of ramen to you and insisted that you try it. You reluctantly took a few strands of noodles with the chopsticks and started chewing until you stopped halfway, which made Sunwoo lean in close to reply with a grin.
“See, told ya.”
It really did make a difference. It turned out that Sunwoo was serious about this whole Neoguri Ramyun business he was running. He had always insisted that the people around him had to cook the noodles the same exact way as he did, or else they would be better off thrown into the trash.
“Honestly, I should’ve become a ramen connoisseur instead of a guitarist. I would’ve made loads of money from this alone. Hell, I think Neoguri should even hire me as their ambassador.”
“Nah, you don’t have the looks to be plastered across Neoguri advertisement boards. Heck, I don’t think I would wanna consume a cup ramen with your face on the packaging.”
“Hello? We just met and were having a good conversation together?” Sunwoo protested.
“I’m sorry, but I’m usually pretty blunt and straightforward with my words.”
“Ouch. You’re a monster.”
“I’ve been told,” you stuck your tongue out at the male.
That conversation would often bring a smile back onto Sunwoo’s face. It was the way you could be savage for one second, and the next thing that happened was you were slurping away the noodles that he had just made for you (note: the noodles that he deemed were far beyond perfection).
Just like you thought that it was fate for Sunwoo to have entered your life, he did the same, too.
It had been a long time since he had found someone who could connect with him, be on the same level as he did, and even tolerate his flirtatious remarks and behaviour. Most importantly, it had been a while since he had gotten this close to a girl.
Like everyone else, Sunwoo had a past that wasn’t of the best to be on his history books. He had been through many things, more like things that he wasn’t too proud of. All he wanted was to cherish his time with you and to let go of the things that have haunted him in the past. He would take it if it meant being with you could bring him temporary happiness.
And that he would ensure that you would never find out about the Kim Sunwoo of the past.
You couldn’t believe it when your friend Lyla had just dumped all the information towards you on just one FaceTime call.
It all started a couple of weeks back when you first got her to find out more about Sunwoo, especially ever since you just couldn’t fathom the thought of why his name sounded so familiar to you.
Even after all of the dates and parties you both had been to, nothing alarming stood out from the guy, and he was a normal celebrity who just wanted to have some fun. Yet, there was something at the back of your mind that just knew there must be something about the guy.
Something mysterious, but harmless.
However, after that video call with Lyla, you couldn’t be so sure anymore.
Instantly, you texted the Sunwoo and said that you needed to see him as soon as possible because you needed answers.
Desperately.
y/n: hey…do you happen to be free for the night? can we meet?
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: never would I have expected for you to text me firsthand…are you finally taking my love proposal into consideration 😘
y/n: sunwoo…not right now please, i just need to see you.
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: wait. y/n you’re not like yourself. did something happened? are you okay?
y/n: we’ll talk more when we meet. please
that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: i have a schedule tonight, but i can totally meet you at Han River if that’s okay with you
y/n: deal. I’ll see you then.
Given that you were out of town for work earlier in the day, you glanced at your watch to see that it was already 6 in the evening. Hastily, you excused yourself from the little afternoon date you were having with your co-workers and quickly took the subway to return to Seoul to meet Sunwoo.
The usual 45-minute train ride back felt like an eternity. You had no idea why you were so nervous, anxious and even terrified about the ordeal. You were still trying your best to take in everything Lyla had said over the call, but you refused to believe that everything—all of the memories you had made with the man himself until now—had all been a facade.
Why go through to this extent? Was everything had been a lie all this while? Were you just a pawn in his games?
The moment you stepped out of the train, your legs guided you straight to where you were supposed to meet. At this point, you were running on autopilot, and you felt that your energy and consciousness were slowly drifting away from you.
By the time you reached the stairs up to the bridge, you lay your eyes upon the familiar figure who was already there. Though, he wasn’t alone.
As you closed in your distance with him, you had just picked up one sentence from the conversation—one that was more than enough to confirm all of the doubts and fears you’ve had up to this point.
She’s just another one of the girls.
“Y-You meant what you said?” You squeaked, and that was enough to make both men turn their heads towards you.
Instantly, tears began streaming down your face as you turned your heel and started running in the opposite direction, not caring if he was chasing and screaming your name out loud in the middle of the night.
I’m done with men.
Act 6 (여섯): True Colors
If you talked about being one’s soulmate, Eric Sohn knew that best when finding the right friend with whom you can connect on a whole different level. The word “soulmate” meant a lot to him—someone who is more than just a friend, one that the universe has just seemed to create specially just for you.
Sunwoo and Eric go all the way back to their trainee days when they were both training to become idols instead of a band. They clicked right off the bat, and the first thing they did was sneak out in the middle of the night to get some ramen at their local convenience store.
They have got in so much trouble together in the past, to the point that they had to be placed in detention by their managers and company staff multiple times, but that was all the joy and fun with that for the both of them.
Eric had always wanted a brother, and so did Sunwoo. Even though they weren’t related by blood, their chemistry was incomparable to the others in the company. They did everything together—songwriting, sharing their meals together when they had barely enough to survive, and even taking the late-night buses to travel to another town or city during their breaks.
Eventually, they decided that being in a band would better suit them as idols, and they did everything they could with the little amount of cash in their pockets and left. Of course, it came as a shocker to everyone, be it from their family members or friends or even to the company since they would potentially debut in their next upcoming new boy group. But both of them knew that there was a much better place and opportunity for them.
They have spent countless of days sleeping in the local parks or subways, each taking turns to look out for one another while job hunting in the local restaurants or cafes while they were at it to earn some cash. Eventually, both of them bought their very own instruments from a second-hand store and started busking on the streets.
Nobody knew how to appreciate their music at the beginning, but their hard work has definitely paid off in the long run. They never once gave up, eventually earning ten and hundreds of pedestrians who would stop by to enjoy the music while giving them some tips.
At the same time, they ventured around Seoul to find similar members who were willing to share the same dream and passion as they did, and that was when they encountered the rest of the members. With Kevin's help (since he had some contacts within the music industry), they were able to sign with their current company and eventually debut as a successful band.
Since both Eric and Sunwoo had already been on the internet for quite some time before debuting, they already have garnered enough fans to start off fresh and strong, which earned them their very first win on the local music awards show that very same year.
Years passed, and they were now one of Seoul's biggest and most successful boy bands. Eventually, their words spread out, reaching almost every entity in South Korea. They had everything, and there was nothing to lose.
But there was one thing that constantly bothered the man himself: Sunwoo’s past.
When it comes to romance, Eric often takes it seriously, and frankly, he knows best about it. Both Eric and Sunwoo had something in common: they were flirtatious as hell, and they knew how to get the girls. But there was a significant difference between them: Eric knew when to draw the line.
Given his profession, getting into a serious relationship meant trouble for his career and company. If he really wanted to find love, he would definitely have waited for the right moment to do so because he knew that both personal and business relations should not co-exist in the same duration.
Sure, he knew how to satisfy a woman, but he would never stoop as low as to play with their feelings. He always loved being fully transparent about them, which has always worked out for him.
However, Sunwoo didn’t, which frustrated his friend all the time.
Eric knew about his past with his ex—it made him the way he was when it came to romance. He couldn’t blame Sunwoo after all of the traumatic experiences He had gone through, especially when he did not deserve any of those in the slightest. But yet, it angers the male, and he has been trying to do something to help him get over it for years.
It just so happened that you had to come into the picture.
Eric and the rest of the band thought nothing much about your “encounter” with Sunwoo; they often brushed it off as a silly and hilarious experience because you accidentally took his phone instead of yours. However, things changed when Sunwoo started hanging out with you more often and even invited you to their parties.
There was nothing wrong with you joining their scene, but it was how Eric noticed how Sunwoo had been treating you.
Just like he did to all of the previous girls.
Though, Eric knew that you were different to all of the other girls who had gotten involved with Sunwoo in the past. You seemed a lot more mature and outgoing, and you were never afraid to voice your honest yet brutal opinions about the guy—which is also why the band had taken quite a liking towards you.
Unfortunately for the previous girls, they wanted to get close with the band—specifically towards Sunwoo—and get involved with all of the games he was about to pull. That was why many of them seemingly fell too easily into his traps and manipulation.
Because of that, Eric wasn’t ready to see a pure and humble girl like you crumble down. As his best friend, he was going to try his best to make things right.
To make sure that history wasn’t going to repeat itself.
“Alright boys, let’s take it from the top!” Sunwoo announced, after going through with everyone about their latest hit, that they would make it into their latest album.
They had been in the studio since noon, rehearsing nonstop. They insisted that they would push through to get this new album out for their third anniversary. They wanted to try out a whole new concept this time—something that portrayed all those years they had been through as trainees.
This new track, Hurt Me Less, is all about the end of a previous relationship and the beginning of a new one.
As the co-writer of the song, Eric himself found it ironic that Sunwoo decided to use this as the title track, given that he knew exactly how Sunwoo had treated all the girls in the past, including you.
So many things went through his mind when he first heard it and he was allowed to co-write it with him. Was this Sunwoo’s way of finally acknowledging his past mistakes and that he was ready to move on and see romantic relationships from a different perspective?
Eric had wanted to confront his friend for the longest time, but it just wasn’t the right timing to do so—especially when the both of them often get caught up with work, and nothing else would come to mind when they’re in the studio.
Since they finally had a little time before their next schedule later at night, Eric decided to take Sunwoo to Han River for a little stroll and perhaps finally get a glimpse of his friend’s thoughts after so long.
“Don’t you miss it?” Eric nudged his friend's shoulder as they walked through the river. This used to be their favourite place to escape from reality, after all, in their earlier days.
“The hell are you being so sentimental today? I’m pretty sure you have got something up your sleeves to call me out like that,” Sunwoo spat.
Apparently, that angered Eric, and he quickly slapped his friend in the arm. “Can’t we just go back to the good old times and take things slowly for a bit? We have been so busy preparing for the new album lately and haven’t gotten much time to hang out like we used to.”
“Sure, but it’s finally our third anniversary, and I really want to make it special this time,” Sunwoo chuckled as he buried both hands in his jacket.
Since Sunwoo has touched on the topic of interest, it was time for Eric to get to the point gradually. “Say, about this new song and album…what inspired you to choose this theme?”
His friend thought about it for a while and gave an open-ended answer. “Nothing much. I just felt it would be nice to do something different. After all, music is all about experimenting with different genres.”
“Are you sure it’s just that?”
That was enough to make Sunwoo stop in his tracks as he narrowed his eyes towards his friend. “Youngjae-ah, what exactly are you trying to fish out from me?”
Eric knew that whenever Sunwoo used his birth name, the conversation would turn 180 degrees as there would be no room for any jokes or mischievous acts. The gig was up, and he knew he had to speak out his deepest thoughts.
“Sunwoo. I’m going to ask you a question, and you’ll have to answer me truthfully.” Eric then walks up to his friend, grabs hold of his shoulder and takes in a deep breath before he poses his question. “This whole new album…the title track…are any of these meant to be about your past?”
“Or more specifically, about Y/N?”
That was enough to make Sunwoo widen his eyes and stare deeply into his friend’s. Given that his response was merely a sigh and lowering his head, he probably knew this would happen sooner or later. Eric knew Sunwoo best, after all.
“What exactly have you deduced this time, Mr Holmes?” Sunwoo mocked.
“Don’t play games with me, Sunwoo. I need to know the truth.”
“Why? Are you interested in Y/N?” He scoffed, and that was enough to make Eric’s blood boil.
“No. But I do not like how you’re dragging her into your unnecessary mess, just like you did with all the other girls.”
Now, that was when Sunwoo was the one who got all worked up, and he immediately pushed his friend away roughly. Rage began to overtake his way of thinking logically, and he was now balling up his fists while trying his best to contain himself.
“We don’t talk about that.”
“Well, we have to! Sunwoo, you need to stop running away from your problems and face them head-on. You’ll never overcome your fears if you live like this daily!” Eric raised his voice, and Sunwoo returned the favour by grabbing onto his collar.
“It’s not your life. You have no rights or say so based on what I have experienced in the past. So I suggest you shut your mouth before making me do something I regret.”
“Fine by me. If that’s what your true colours are. If only Y/N is here to see you in this state-”
“The hell are you bringing up Y/N again in all of this? Why do you care?”
“Because you’re in love with her, you goddamn idiot!”
That was enough for Sunwoo to let go of his friend’s collar finally, and he began pacing around while ruffling his hair in frustration.
“So I was right,” Eric panted.
“T-That’s not true. I don’t have feelings for Y/N.”
“How can you be so sure? Your actions have proved otherwise these past several weeks, Sunwoo. Stop lying to yourself.”
“Never. Romance and dating no longer exist in my books. She’s just another one of the girls.”
With that, Eric suddenly gulped before he directed his attention to something, or rather, someone that was now behind his friend.
“Y-You meant what you said?”
Oh god, this was now much more messed up than it should’ve been.
Before either of them could have a say in all of these, you instantly turned your heel towards the opposite direction. You began sprinting away, not even caring when Sunwoo was screaming for you and about to dash towards your direction.
Until Eric gripped onto his wrists forcefully and yanked his friend back.
“You scumbag.” That was all he said until Eric tried his best to keep up with you.
Kim Sunwoo, what an actual jerk you are.
Act 7 (일곱): Love To Lay
Sunwoo couldn’t remember when was the last time he actually got proper sleep without having to rely on his sleeping pills. It wasn’t by choice; rather, it’s something he has been struggling with for over a year now.
Being obsessed with shoujo mangas, there’s no doubt he absolutely enjoys romance novels and films, which was also one of the reasons he could click on Eric so well. They would often have book or film talk sessions after practice, discussing the latest trend and evaluating the way the characters proposed to one another in their respective ways.
Also, being a social butterfly himself, he had been on the party scene for years now, and there was no doubt he had gotten a good handful of female friends he would often hang out with his group of friends in the past.
Which was also where he met his first and only girlfriend, Miyeon.
Miyeon was known as the beauty queen of the town, as the locals would dub her. She was well respected in the community as she was at the top of her class and often participated in volunteer work during her semester breaks from university.
It was ironic to see a top student visit a club during the late weekday nights. Still, Sunwoo figured that everyone would eventually venture into the party scene at least once in their lifetime, no matter how good their upbringing was. It was part of youth, after all.
It all started with them having a little conversation, followed by a bit of alcohol in their system, and then straight onto the dance floor before they ended up with a little makeout session at one of the stalls. It was Sunwoo’s first relationship, and he thought the pace they were going for was pretty reasonable.
Miyeon was everything to him, and he would work around his tight-knit schedule to spend as much time as he could with her—even if that meant he would be getting less sleep or rest after a show.
After all, he had never found someone who came as close as she did. They had the same interests and hobbies and could talk about any topic for hours on his couch. Miyeon would often come over to stay at Sunwoo’s apartment since it was much more convenient for them both.
She even had a set of her own clothing, skincare and up to having her makeup products at his place. She was pretty much treating his place like her second home, and Sunwoo was completely fine with that.
They even talked about getting engaged once, and Sunwoo was ecstatic about the thought, and he couldn’t stop giving her cuddles and kisses that day. Ever since then, he started working tirelessly to get the engagement ring that he’d had his eyes on for a while, and he knew that it would suit Miyeon’s taste.
However, Miyeon started getting a lot busier not long after as she had recently changed her job, and she wasn’t able to meet up with Sunwoo as often anymore. Hence, their dates slowly dropped down to having three to only once per week, or sometimes only meeting each other just once a fortnight.
As much as Sunwoo was worried that she was working way too hard she should, there was no reason to doubt her since she always excelled at everything that she had done. She was still texting Sunwoo every day without fail on Kakao, so everything was under control.
At least, that was what Sunwoo thought.
Since it was going to be her birthday soon and he finally had gotten his first paycheck after a successful first The Boyz concert, he was able to use that to get his hands on the engagement ring that he had asked the shopkeepers to keep for him for a couple of months now.
Eagerly, he walked out of the store with the blue Tiffany & Co. bag in his hands as he made his way towards her apartment to surprise her.
Until he focused his attention on the couple on the other side of the road.
The couple both held ice cream in their hands as they played around with the dessert playfully, taking some with their fingers and smearing it across each other’s noses. They were also laughing and having a lot of fun—way too much fun, actually.
At least, Miyeon was.
Sunwoo wasn’t sure how he would confront Miyeon about it—in fact, he couldn’t. Sure, he was confused as hell, but the thought of Miyeon potentially having an affair outside this relationship seemed unlikely. He couldn’t fathom the thought of her doing that, and he refused to believe it and was convinced that it must be a sick joke.
That night, Sunwoo tried his best to make everything seem normal as he entered Miyeon’s apartment. Miyeon was showering him with kisses and telling him all about how she was sorry for being late as she was out shopping for ingredients for their sukiyaki dinner date.
Lies.
At that point, they hadn’t seen each other for two weeks, and Miyeon went on and on about how she was away for a business trip and had just returned to Seoul that evening. It was hard for her to hail a cab as they were all pretty much booked until she needed to contact one of her colleagues to give her a ride back into the city and return home.
Lies.
After that, they had a little movie night and spent much time cuddling on the couch. It would’ve been a lie to say Sunwoo didn’t miss her scent. He just couldn’t help but rest his nose into her soft brunette hair and savour as much of the scent he had loved so deeply over the past year of their relationship.
“I miss your scent too, Sunwoo. It’s been hell without having you beside me for weeks,” Miyeon sulked as she hugged Sunwoo tighter.
Lies.
Even as they went to sleep that night in Miyeon’s room, Sunwoo could clearly feel a distance between the two. Miyeon was sleeping on her side, so her back was facing him. As much as he wanted to touch her, to carry and hold her in his arms, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.
We are just strangers in a bed.
Sunwoo went on like this for a month, ignoring all of the red flags that he had been getting and seeing for the past several weeks—he kept convincing himself that he was living in a horrible nightmare and it would soon be over.
As Miyeon started getting busier again with her “work,” Sunwoo returned to focus more on his career. Ultimately, this was a huge failure, as his performance started deteriorating horribly, to the point that it was affecting the other members in the group.
Every time the members confronted him about it, Sunwoo just shrugged it off, saying that he hadn’t gotten much sleep because of their busy schedule. However, they knew deep down that something was very much off, and Eric was determined to find out exactly what had happened.
One night after their pre-recording at Music Bank, Sunwoo went out for a little walk around the area, and Eric followed behind discreetly. It didn’t even take Sunwoo more than five minutes until he had come to a halt, and Eric did exactly the same until his eyes travelled along where Sunwoo had landed.
Miyeon was accepting what seemed like an engagement ring from the very same guy Sunwoo had his eyes on the other day.
Rage instantly filled him, and this time, he couldn’t help but confront them straight ahead. He desperately had hoped that Miyeon would feel a little remorse or at least appear shocked to see that her boyfriend had caught her red-handed. After all, Sunwoo just wanted answers as he wasn’t in the mood to make this a huge deal.
But apparently, Miyeon didn’t think of that in the same way.
The heated conversation between the two of them would always come to haunt Sunwoo, and he would never forget about all of the things Miyeon had just spat right into his face back then.
Love is just a pretend.
Your love for me is crazy.
You’ll never be the right one for me.
Since that day, Sunwoo’s hatred for romance has constantly grown, and he often has a couple of outbursts, especially when he is alone in his apartment. How couldn’t he? Especially when Miyeon’s stuff was scattered all throughout his comfort space.
To make matters worse, Miyeon even had the guts to contact Sunwoo after all that she had done to make him return all of her things that were still left in his apartment.
Did Sunwoo do just that?
Absolutely not.
He got rid of every item she owned— throwing them into the trash or burning them in his fireplace. Anger would always accompany him whenever he did so, and it frustrated him that Miyeon would betray him like that.
It was then that Sunwoo decided that romance was just total bullshit and there would never be such a thing of true love for him. He blocked her number and deleted everything that reminded him about her.
Sunwoo felt like he was on autopilot for the first couple of months, and he would just go out to the nightclubs every day and pick up every girl he could find and tease them a little. Eventually, when the girls started having feelings for him, he would run away before anything further than that could happen.
Love was like a game for him now, and it didn’t matter if he would break those girls' hearts. All he wanted was to feel the thrill of being loved and wanted, and if he had gotten what he needed, then that was fine by him.
He couldn’t face rejection again. What happened with him and Miyeon has left a deep scar within him, and he’ll never be able to fix it. He has learned it the hard way from that breakup.
Until you came into the picture.
It was definitely the first time someone mistook their phone as theirs and accidentally took his instead. He found it amusing, and he absolutely found your reaction back during the first encounter hilarious. He genuinely just enjoyed your company that night.
But there was something different about you—you weren’t like all the other girls he had encountered at the nightclubs. You were just so pure and genuine, and you didn’t want him just for his flirtatious demeanour and good looks. You were savage as hell, and you always spoke the truth and made him laugh.
It has been a while since someone could put Sunwoo back into his place.
That’s why he couldn’t bear the thought of doing the nasty when you brought him to the club that night. He knew that the moment he got a sip of alcohol into his system, he wasn’t going to be able to hold himself back from doing something he was going to regret.
Miraculously, he did. He was able to stop himself before things got too far. The both of you only had a heated makeout session before Sunwoo finally grabbed your wrist and stopped you in your tracks. He had no choice but to drag you all the way back into his vehicle before driving off to his apartment.
As much as he wanted to bring you straight back home, you were already sleeping so soundly on the way back, and he knew that he was definitely going to get killed by your roommate if she saw her friend in this state. Ultimately, he did what he thought was best—taking you back into his apartment and helping you change into much more comfortable clothing before tucking you into bed.
Sunwoo slept on the couch next to his bed that night, and he couldn’t stop looking in your direction as you tossed and turned around all night. It was clear to him that you were having a horrible nightmare, and you kept mumbling incoherent words as you began sweating profoundly.
He had enough and decided to get up and sit right next to you, and that was when he heard your words loud and clear.
“Please don’t hurt me…I’ve done nothing wrong…Don’t leave me…”
Instantly, you grabbed his wrist and hugged it tightly as you adjusted your sleeping position towards him. Sunwoo had no idea why that made him go all soft for you, and he instantly began rubbing away the tears from your eyes and leaned down to give a little peck on your forehead.
He wished he could’ve done something to relieve your pain and that he would snuggle with you to bed if that would have made it a lot better for you to sleep soundly for the night.
But he knew that once the sun rises the next day, he would go back to being the playboy Kim Sunwoo that the public had labelled him to be.
You’re in love with her.
Those words pierced right through Sunwoo’s heart every single time his mind flashed back to that night when Eric confronted him right before you came.
He hasn’t spoken to his good friend since, and it has been close to a week now. Sunwoo decided to call in sick for the week, and the rest of the members went on with rehearsals without him—he wasn’t in the right mindset to put on his idol persona anyway.
The couch right next to his fireplace was his go-to for the past week, and Sunwoo would just sit there for hours staring into the flames, thinking about those words that his friend had said right to his face that day.
It was as if those were the words that needed to be said straight to his face, for he knew that his relationship with yours meant something—a lot more compared to all of the other girls that he had gotten involved with in the past.
As much as he didn’t want to admit it, you were slowly breaking down his steel heart, which had been sealed shut for years. Little did you know that you were slowly healing his broken heart day by day. Sunwoo adored everything about you, and you were constantly on his mind throughout the day.
You have officially taken over his mind; everything he does daily reminds him of you.
But Sunwoo just couldn’t admit that out loud. After he had sworn that he was done with romance, he couldn't.
However, Sunwoo had been sitting at his fireplace for days, and he kept thinking throughout the day and night.
What if you were the key to fixing him?
What if you were finally the one who would make him realise it’s okay to fall in love again?
What if…you were the right one that was meant to be with him?
With that, Sunwoo leaned back against his couch with his hands covering his eyes as he grunted for the hundredth time of the day.
Stop messing things up, you good-for-nothing idiot.
Act 8 (여덟): A Lonely Night
You couldn’t recall when was the last time you actually got a proper meal. Ever since that day when you overhead the conversation between Sunwoo and Eric, you were dashing straight towards the streets, not caring if people were giving you weird looks in the slightest.
You quickly hail a taxi and give the driver your apartment address—you just don’t have the strength to take public transport anymore in your current state.
The moment you opened your front door, your roommate was already expecting your return, with her arms crossed and feet tapping the ground. However, her expression softened when she saw that you were an absolute wreck in your current state. She immediately opened her arms wide, and you quickly slipped into her embrace and started crying again.
It hurts so much, and you don’t know why exactly that is.
Sunwoo was just a casual friend. You were both hanging out a lot more often these days, and he just so happened to be the very first man after your ex to have treated you exactly the way a woman should be treated. That was it, and there wasn’t much more to add to that.
But deep down, you were expecting—no, hoping—that perhaps there was something a little bit more to that.
Maybe you’re the one who was insane for thinking that way.
He was a celebrity, and you are just a girl working in PR who happened to be able to work with renowned artists many times.
There was absolutely no way that there could’ve been something more to that.
You quickly wiped away your tears as you slowly pushed Flo away, trying your best to muster up whatever strength you had left within you to talk before your tears were about to flow again for the hundredth time tonight.
“Flo…I just…I wanna go back,” you sniffled.
With a sigh, your roommate began rubbing your back to comfort you. “I know. But rest up first for the night. Maybe I’ll make you some chamomile tea with extra boba to calm you down while we watch a little bit of Netflix? I’ll help you pack tomorrow morning, and we’ll call Lyla and Bella.”
You chuckled. “What would I ever do without you?”
“By the way, I’m not doing all of these for free. You better get me VIP tickets to your next upcoming show with whoever celeb that you’re going to be working with.”
“Deal.”
“Alright, let’s go have some girls’ night, shall we?” Flo gently flicked your forehead before dragging you into the living room.
You couldn’t recall when you last enjoyed the countryside view from the train.
You usually take the subway within Seoul, but it’s been a while since you took the train that goes from one province to another—especially where you grew up.
Leaving Busan a year ago was a huge step for you, especially since you have always lived with your friends and family—basically being in your own comfort zone. You loved everything here, and there wasn’t much reason to move since Busan practically had almost everything Seoul had.
The nightlife here was how you’ve always loved—going out to clubs while you knew almost everyone in your little town on the outskirts of Busan, and everyone just looked out for each other often.
However, after the way things ended with your ex, you needed some time and space alone and thought that perhaps a location change would benefit you. The past year has been amazing in the city, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’ll never give you the comfort you loved best when you were back home.
And that was something you desperately needed right now.
As soon as the train came to a halt and you stepped out of the vehicle, you quickly dashed right through the door and into both of your friends’ arms—they had been expecting your arrival since this morning.
It’s been a while since you had spent time with both Lyla and Bella, so the three of you took the time to walk slowly back to the countryside while dragging your luggage behind you. As soon as they helped you settle down in your old home, the three of you quickly dashed out of the house to get a quick bite of local food down at the town centre.
The three of you had fun browsing from store to store and filling your stomachs to the brink of possibly throwing up everything you had just consumed. You would constantly laugh at one another about how Lyla and Bella would look silly with ice cream smeared all over their mouths, and they would fight back when you accidentally got Malatang all over your shirt.
These were the kinds of bickering that you’ve missed so badly. Sure, you always bicker with Flo, but both Lyla and Bella were the OGs constantly coming for your neck. You’re still holding onto the hope of bringing Flo to visit your childhood best friends someday.
Now that the three of you had your own flavours of churros in hand, you decided to take a little stroll at the nearby park right before exiting the town and returning to the countryside. As soon as you found a comfortable bench that was more than enough for the three of you to take a break, Lyla was the first to start the conversation you have been dreading talking about since coming back.
But you knew that you couldn’t hide much from them any more; they knew all of the details by now (thanks to Flo, who would constantly keep them updated) and were this close to heading straight to Seoul with their pots and pans to head straight up to Sunwoo’s apartment to give him a lesson.
“I honestly don’t know what to tell you guys. It all happened, and he just so happened to be the same as my ex,” you shrugged as you took a bite of your churros.
“Men are all the same; they suck,” Lyla commented with her mouth full.
“Trust that I’m tying him up and throwing him straight into the Egyptian river if we ever cross paths with one another,” Bella threatened as she pointed her churros straight into your face.
“But wait…didn’t you mention that they were preparing for an upcoming comeback?” Lyla asked.
You sighed. “That’s the problem. And I am again part of the PR team's line-up.”
“Damn. That’s brutal,” Bella spat.
“It sure is,” you replied.
“Well, what are you going to do about it then?” Lyla asked.
You contemplated for a little while before telling your friends about your decision: “I am thinking of quitting the company.”
Immediately, both Lyla and Bella shot up from their seats, not caring if the whipped cream on their churros fell straight down to the ground. Frustration was slowly creeping up to them and you were stunned by their reaction—you had no clue why they would be mad about your decision.
“What do you mean you want to leave? You do know that means that you’ll never get to meet celebrities any more-”
“That’s not the point, Lyla. Look, Y/N. I don’t want to jinx anything, but you’re treating this issue as running away again, just like you did with your ex. You know, escaping from your problems will never help you to put a proper closure to them.”
You hated the fact how much that truth hurt—it almost felt like you were being stabbed with a bunch of needles all at once. As much as you wanted to face them properly, you couldn’t. You couldn’t bear the thought of going through all the pain once again, and you wanted to omit all of the horrible outcomes that could potentially happen after all this.
You also didn’t know how to feel about Sunwoo. Clearly, it wasn’t his fault for saying what he did back at Han River. Celebrities are not meant to date as to adhere to their company rules. If they did, they would get into big trouble, and you would be partly to blame.
But why did that matter to you so much?
Why did those words sting as hell?
Most importantly, why did it matter to you anyway?
As you took a deep breath, you finally stood up and threw your leftover churros into the bin before placing both hands on each side of your friends’ shoulders.
“Look, I appreciate both of you constantly looking out for me, even in different cities for work. Frankly, I don’t really want to talk about this anymore, and I will venture out to find something much more fitting for my current well-being. Let’s just go home now, hmm?”
Both Lyla and Bella could only soften their eyes as they looked at you, who was close to shedding tears again. They could only pull you in for a hug before taking you back to your home and giving you some time to rest up since you have been out all day since you stepped down from the train.
Your parents were away visiting some family members, so you had the entire house to yourself. You were used to being alone, and you enjoyed some peace and quiet occasionally, but it all just felt too eerily quiet.
The emotions were creeping back to you, and you hated how you were slowly becoming overwhelmed with them again.
Everything you saw reminded you about Sunwoo—how you both would sit together on his couch to watch anime, the way the leftover instant ramen in the kitchen reminded you about your little convenience store dates and how you slept in his bed when you were passed out drunk.
As much as you tried your best to get him out of your head, you couldn’t.
And you hated that so much.
Just as you are about to turn to sleep on your side, your phone lights up on your nightstand, so you extend your hands to check the notification that you have received.
managing director: Lads, be ready for our online briefing tomorrow at 10 a.m. on Zoom about The Boyz's upcoming showcase.
Frustration began to consume your thoughts, and you just threw your phone onto the other side of the bed before burying your face into your pillow, screaming into it and wishing that you could quickly escape from this horrible nightmare.
Kim Sunwoo, this is all your fault.
Miles apart back in the heart of Seoul, Sunwoo was once again staring at his ceiling as he lay down on his bed. There was nothing much that he could’ve done other than thinking about you wherever he went. With that, the bed was nowhere near as good as his fireplace, especially when he was the one who tucked you into his bed when you were drunk.
Sunwoo hasn’t come up with a conclusion after all that thinking at his fireplace throughout the week, and it frustrates him that he doesn’t really know how to feel about all of this.
Actually, scratch that. He clearly knows how he feels about you, but he refuses to admit it out loud.
The only thing that has been helping Sunwoo to cope is that he would feel inspired to write songs about his emotions, and he did exactly just did right before hopping into bed.
The music score was situated right on his nightstand, and he groaned before taking it quickly and sat up to read the lyrics that he had just written down an hour ago.
Better when we’re both apart.
We’re no good for each other.
A lonely night,
Baby girl, I loved you on a lonely night.
It was the only time
If I led you on I apologize.
How can I make you rethink your decision?
That made Sunwoo’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know that he wrote all of these the hour before—it was as if he was on autopilot, and he clearly wrote down his deepest thoughts about the whole situation.
I loved her? Did I really just write that down?
Sunwoo kept staring at those three words, and he was now sitting frozen in bed, thinking that if that was really what he had been meaning to say out loud for so long.
Without thinking much, he quickly grabbed his phone and began frantically searching up about something.
Or rather, your location.
He needed to get this off his chest, and he needed to talk to you right now. If he doesn’t, this will continue to haunt him for months, and he wasn’t going to be his best self any more.
Immediately, he jumped right out of bed and rummaged through his wardrobe to take whatever he needed for the little short trip he was going on for a while.
He didn’t care if his manager would lecture him about skipping the morning rehearsals and meetings—it was the most important thing to him right now.
Even if that meant he would be miles away from Seoul, he would get his message straight and clear to you this time.
Act 9 (아홉): Nothing Without You
If it hadn’t been for Lyla and Bella calling you nonstop for thirty minutes, you would’ve been in big trouble and missed out on your online meeting with your colleagues.
You did your best to stay focused during the meeting—jotting down all the information required to run the show successfully in three days. It was a lot to take in, and all of you were expected to perform your very best, considering that this would be a rather crucial showcase for the artist, and many important figures from the industry would also be there.
It seemed as if their company decided to go all out to make sure that the showcase was going to be as grand as possible, and the only thing you could assume was that they had to keep up with the image that they had painted in the industry and continue to keep their artist’s popularity at its best.
Certain things did frustrate you a little, and so many questions ran through your mind as you questioned their company's decisions. But you were just someone who works in PR, and all you had to do was adhere to the rules and regulations and nothing else.
After all, you decided you would quit after this one last show.
The moment the meeting was over, and you decided to shut your laptop down, you could briefly hear some muffled noises coming from your front porch. You were confused as hell since you weren’t expecting any visitors for the day. Other than that, you told your friends that you would only be available during the night for some get-together at dinner since you needed some time alone in the afternoon to sort out the upcoming event.
Curiously, you slowly stepped to your front door before pulling the sliding door apart, only to see that both Lyla and Bella were far from your house. It seemed as if they were arguing about something…or rather, with someone.
Now, you were more concerned than before. The only person who could get both your friends this riled up was your ex, and that confrontation between them did not go down well the last time it happened—which was also the last time you saw him.
As far as you know, your ex was long gone from your village, and he had moved all the way to Jeju to settle down with his new fiancé. So, who exactly could it be this time?
“Guys, what did I say about having a heated argument in front of my house-”
You were about to break your friends up from the commotion until all three of them turned back to look straight at you.
And you were certainly not expecting the one in the middle of your friends to be here at all.
“S-Sunwoo?”
“N-No! Y/N, you must be real tired from the meeting, hmm? Why don’t I take you inside to get some ice-cream that’s left in your freezer? Yeah, let’s do exactly that!” Lyla began panicking as she tried to lure you away from the scene, but she should’ve known how persistent you could be and that you were already breaking free from her grasp.
Neither of you could say anything and just stared at one another for a good ten seconds. However, your friends definitely did not take the situation well, and they were not ready to see you cry your eyes out for the hundredth time.
“You don’t belong here, Kim. I say you should leave, and don’t you even dare try anything stupid,” Bella hissed.
“Look, I’m going to leave, that is after I talk to Y/N-”
“What is there to talk about? Was hurting her not enough for you? You men truly are scumbags-”
“Lyla, enough.”
Your response was short and simple, but it was enough to make everyone stop what they were doing and divert their attention towards you. You slowly walked up to Sunwoo and gently grabbed his shirt to gesture to him to walk in the other direction.
“Leave us alone for a couple of minutes. I believe there’s a long-overdue conversation that both of us must get out of the way for weeks. I won’t take long, I promise.”
With that, you excused yourself and tugged Sunwoo’s tee to walk him through your neighbourhood and slowly towards the park where you often hung out with your friends. Neither of you could start the conversation, and it was just pure silence throughout the ten-minute walk from your house.
However, Sunwoo figured food was the best option to start the conversation. Thankfully, there was a convenience store near the park, and the two of you quickly went in to grab a little snack to break the ice between you hopefully.
He went for his Neoguri Ramyeon as usual, and you decided a little matcha latte would do the trick. You don’t think that you’re able to stomach anything for now, just in case you will cry once again and could potentially throw up everything you had just consumed.
As much as you detested that he once again paid for everything, you reluctantly accepted the offer and quietly held your warm cup of beverage in hand as you both sat down at the bench in the park, keeping a distance from one another.
All you could do was stare down at the lid of the latte, your fingers tapping on the hot cup while trying your best to calm your emotions down. Sunwoo was busy slurping away his noodles, and it was slowly starting to annoy you slightly.
“You still have the appetite to eat?” You scoffed.
“Look, I had to get last-minute tickets for the earliest train from Seoul to Busan. Be grateful that at least I’ve arrived on time,” Sunwoo protested while stuffing his mouth with the noodles.
You wished you could respond to his sarcasm the way you usually would, but it seemed that the enthusiasm you once had for all that was now long gone, and you could only clear your throat in response.
Sunwoo was now clearly reading the atmosphere, and he swallowed the last bite of his noodles before tossing the cup into the trash bin beside him. Instantly, he placed both hands together and began rubbing them nervously as he leaned down to look at the ground.
“Y/N, I…I’ve been such a jerk to you after everything we have been through. It’s unfair for you, and I have been deceiving myself after all these years.”
That last line caught you off guard. “Excuse me?”
“I once had a girl whom I loved so much that my world revolved around her. She was my everything, and I wouldn’t hesitate to drop whatever I was doing to be with her and to make her the happiest girl in the world. But betrayal and lust are definitely not planned in the books, and they are truly the most unpleasant things that happen to someone in life.”
You knew those two words very well. After all, you were also a victim once.
“She…did unthinkable things, which has made me the person I am today. I ignored it long enough, thinking it was fine to continue living like this. That is, until I met you,” Sunwoo’s voice softened at that last line, and he finally lifted his head to look straight into your eyes.
“Y/N. You showed me what true friendship is, and I fell in love with how you could always be so pure and honest with your feelings and emotions. You made me realise that what I have been doing wasn’t just hurting and deceiving others and myself. I can’t live on like this, and I desperately want to change.”
Sunwoo took one of your hands and intertwined his fingers with yours, giving you this soft puppy look to show his sincerity.
“Y/N. I need you. Will you please accept this offer?”
You were too stunned to give him a proper response. You were certain that you probably spent a minute just staring at him before you felt that your cheeks were suddenly wet to the touch, and that’s when you realised that tears were streaming down your face again.
Sure, you have expected Sunwoo to travel all this way to see you and to talk things out, but you weren’t expecting a confession from the male himself.
Relief swept over you, and all the worries troubling you were gone. Unfortunately, the heartbreak was far stronger than the latter, and you don’t have the room or strength to go through the turmoil again.
With that, you gently pushed his hands away and stood up from the bench, wiping your tears away before turning your heel in the opposite direction.
“Maybe you should’ve thought all that through before placing the nail in the coffin.”
Act 10 (열): Die For You
Coming back to Seoul was a lot harder than you expected it to be. You were this close to potentially ditching your final job and just calling in sick, but you knew it wouldn’t be ideal, and you had promised to work together with your team for one last time.
After dropping by the office to hand in your resignation letter, you made your way towards the concert hall and went straight to work without having a proper break before everything. It was all fine by you; after all, getting yourself occupied was the very least you could do to keep your mind off things for a while.
However, you underestimated the workload you would deal with, as their showcase this time seemed a lot more complex than the ones you were used to. There were a few mishaps here and there, but that didn’t stop you from continuing your task.
T-minus 12 hours more till I’m done with all of these.
Having that as a constant reminder has proven to be a lot more helpful than before, and slowly, your motivation was coming back to finishing up things as quickly and detailed as you could before the showcase was about to begin.
Journalists and newscasters flocked to the venue first, and your PR team had to deal with them firsthand. It wasn’t too bad, as talking to people has always been your forte. Just like that, it was time for the fans to enter the hall slowly. Soon enough, you and your team headed backstage to help the artists and other staff prepare for the show.
The band members slowly stepped out one by one and started putting on their in-ear pieces and getting their instruments ready. Of course, Sunwoo still had that same puppy-doe-eyed look as he had the day before back in Busan.
He was constantly trying his best to grab your attention—giving you a hiss or a little wave, but you had no desire to return those to him. Instead, you flat-out ignored the guy and constantly got yourself busy by going around to each station to check with the other staff.
It wasn’t long before the members were scheduled to go up on stage, and Sunwoo gave you one final look and mouthed something towards you before taking that step up to greet the fans.
Watch me.
You could only sigh and cross your arms as you watched from backstage as The Boyz first greeted all of their fans and the reporters before positioning their instruments to prepare for the first opening act. They started with their title track, Hurt Me Less, and soon followed it with a few more tracks from the album before having a little Q&A session with the fans.
Finally, they ended the showcase by performing one last song before all of the members walked up to the front of the stage and bowed towards the audience. One by one, each member was exiting the stage and started to take off their in-ear pieces.
That is, all except for Sunwoo.
He stood frozen for a few seconds on stage, and immediately, whispers filled the hall, thinking that everything was alright with the artist himself.
Not for long, Sunwoo lifted his head and walked back to the centre of the stage—adjusting his microphone and slinging his guitar on his shoulders again.
Obviously, everyone backstage started panicking and tried their best to get Sunwoo off the stage, as it was not going according to the schedule. You, too, were trying to hiss at the male to get his attention, call it a night, and end the performance right there and there.
But it seemed the male had something in mind, and he wouldn’t budge.
Instead, he turned to look straight at you and gave you a little smile before diverting his attention towards the crowd once again.
“I apologise for the sudden change of plans, but this is something that I have been meaning to do for a while now. You see, we performed all seven tracks in our latest album, but one hidden track has not yet been released to the public. So here I am tonight, revealing the hidden track to all of my precious fans, but most importantly, to a special someone.”
Just then, Sunwoo began strumming his guitar and started playing the song's tune. As he slowly finished the intro and was just about to start singing the lyrics, he turned to look straight at you and smiled at you as he mumbled a few more words.
“This song is specially written and dedicated to you.”
I'm findin' ways to articulate the feelin' I'm goin' through
I just can't say I don't love you (Yeah)
'Cause I love you, yeah
It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold
But tonight, I'm gon' let you know
Let me tell the truth
Baby, let me tell the truth, yeah
No. That can’t be.
You know what I'm thinkin', see it in your eyes
You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry
You're scared to be lonely, 'specially in the night
I'm scared that I'll miss you, happens every time
I don't want this feelin', I can't afford love
I try to find a reason to pull us apart
It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect
And I know that you're worth it
I can't walk away, oh
“W-What…What are you trying to tell me, Sunwoo?” You choked on your words.
Even though we're goin' through it
And it makes you feel alone
Just know that I would die for you
Baby, I would die for you, yeah
The distance and the time between us
It'll never change my mind 'cause
Baby, I would die for you
Baby, I would die for you, yeah
As he finishes the first half of the song, Sunwoo takes some time to strum his guitar, letting the audience follow along with the rhythm as he takes a deep breath before making another speech.
“These lyrics…I have been thinking about them for a while now. These feelings have haunted me for weeks, and now I know I must convey them properly to the special someone,” Sunwoo spoke softly before he continued with the second half of the song.
You had no idea why that was the last blow before tears began streaming down your face uncontrollably, and you dashed right through the exit, not caring that your co-workers were calling you from behind.
You continued running through the night, not caring where you’d end up; you just needed some time to be alone and let out all the feelings you had been bottling for so long.
Eventually, you ended up back at Han River, and you immediately went to the nearest bench and lay there helplessly. Your emotions were far stronger than your ability to think logically right now, and you just wanted to cry out loud for as long as you could.
You have no idea how long has passed since then, but you were pretty sure that you had at least cried for half an hour before you dozed off. By the time you woke up, you felt that the rock-solid bench suddenly felt way too soft and comfortable.
And how warm it was.
It was then you realised that you weren’t just lying on the bench but rather on someone.
“S-Sunwoo!?” You screamed as you realised that you had been lying down on his lap for God knows how long, and you quickly tried to sit back up, but the male decided to push you back down instead.
“Now I’m very heartbroken, Princess. How could you leave in the middle of the spectacular performance I’ve spent so long working on, especially for you?” He sulked.
Those last words stung you again, and you lifted both of your hands to cover your face once more as you felt that you were about to cry again. But it seemed that Sunwoo wasn’t buying it this time, and he quickly grabbed both of your wrists to stop you.
“Look at me, Y/N. Stop running away from me,” he commanded.
“W-What makes you think I’d listen to you? You have done nothing but lie to me all this time. You hurt my feelings, and you treated me like one of the girls that you have always sought comfort from. You’re an idiot to think if you’d stand a fair chance-”
Before you could finish your sentence, Sunwoo sealed your lips with his and gently lifted your head slightly to make it easier for him to gain access. It’s been a while since you tasted his soft, plump lips, and you immediately softened up when you tasted that familiar strawberry lip gloss that you used the same one as he did.
As he slowly pulled away and placed you back onto his lap, he caressed your cheeks and wiped the remaining teardrops away. “Sorry that I was rough with you. It was the best thing I could think of to get a woman to stop crying.”
“S-Sunwoo…I-”
“Y/N. Please. I need to hear your thoughts about how you truly feel about this. I know I’m the worst jerk alive and that me going to Busan to apologise to you wasn’t enough. Words aren’t my forte, so I conveyed my feelings through performing. But you have to know that whatever I’ve sung back there, those really are the words that I desperately wanted to get across all this time and that I’m done playing games.”
Just then, he slowly moved his hands from your cheek to your lips and gently brushed against it. “Y/N, I can now confidently say that you mean a lot to me. You’re more than just a friend, a companion who eats Neoguri Ramyun with me all the time at the convenience store, and also the one who just happens to get me all the damn time.”
With one final deep breath, he leans down again to plant a kiss on your forehead before muttering those simple words.
“Y/N, I’m in love with you.”
It was so simple, yet captivating enough for you.
You have so desperately wanted to hear those words from him—to know if it has helped you finally cleared all of your suspicions and doubts from the beginning. To the public, it was absurd for a commoner like you to fall in love with a celebrity and vice versa, but you were certain that those memories that you both have made weren’t just for show, and Sunwoo’s actions and words for the night have proven that enough to you.
Nobody would’ve thought that a simple encounter between you both, exchanging your phones and meeting up at a convenience store to eat, would lead to the current situation that you both were in.
Was it fate? Or just purely a coincidence? Neither of that matters to you right now.
Instead, you snaked one of your hands back up to his neck and pulled him down to connect your lips with his again, taking your time to savour his sweet, plump lips truly. Sunwoo was initially taken aback, but he slowly blended in and began picking up his pace, his tongue swirling around yours.
As soon as you both broke apart to get some air, you realised you had just returned the sneaky and flirtatious Sunwoo as he brushed his fingers on his lips and gave you a sly smirk.
“You could’ve just told me you wanted me this bad,” Sunwoo hummed.
“You’re sick in the head,” you replied as you finally sat back up.
“So…I take it as a yes to my proposal?” Sunwoo grinned.
“What proposal?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Frankly, I don’t.”
“Is that so? Maybe you want to reconnect your lips with mine again? Maybe it’ll then give you a better insight of what I was trying to tell you all along-”
“Your breath stinks,” you stuck your tongue out at him.
“No, it doesn’t!” Sunwoo quickly lets out a breath onto his palm before sniffing it himself. “You liar! I just used my favourite citrus mouthwash before the show!”
You immediately giggled at the sight, and Sunwoo was delighted to see you returning to the Y/N he knew. Just then, he places his arms over your shoulders and rests your head against his chest as you both take the time to admire the sky filled with dozens of stars.
“Say, you’re not supposed to be here, are you?”
“Hey, I’m still a model employee, okay? I quickly wrapped things up at the showcase before rushing to find you sleeping like a baby here.”
“I’m not a baby,” you sulked.
“Your sleeping position says otherwise,” Sunwoo retorted as he shoved his phone right into your face, showing you a picture he had taken just seconds after he arrived to see you sleeping soundly on the bench.
“Hey! Delete that right now!” You screamed as you tried your best to reach for his phone while he was retreating to make you fall right back into his arms again.”
“You’re a persistent one, aren’t you?”
“Shut the fuck up, Kim Sunwoo. You’re insufferable.”
“Be honest, you love me.”
“Only a fool would love a guy like you.”
“Oh, so you’re the fool now, then!”
Sunwoo immediately regrets saying those words as he earned a hard slap from you in return. “I’m leaving if you make one more flirtatious remark.”
He then lifts his hands to show that he surrendered, and you give him a pout before resting your head back onto his chest again. As you finally take in everything that had happened today, a smile plasters across your face before you close your eyes and mumble the words you have wanted to say to him.
“Thank you, Sunwoo. For giving me a chance to love again.”
“Anything for you, my Princess,” Sunwoo replied before kissing your forehead again. “Neoguri Ramyun date again later?”
“Does your life really have to revolve around Neoguri Ramyun on a daily basis?”
“Can’t blame me; that’s my daily energy source. But so that you know, I will be bringing you to a lot more dates from now on, and I’m never going to let you leave my side again. Be prepared for that, Y/N.”
You scoffed. “Tempting. Add on a matcha-day only date to the books, too.”
With that, Sunwoo smiled at you and rubbed his nose against yours. “Consider it done.”
The sounds of the fire crackling were the only things that filled the room for the past half an hour, as Sunwoo spent the entire time writing whatever came to mind in his trusty, worn-out notebook in front of his fireplace.
The Boyz’s latest album has proven to be their most successful comeback, and who would’ve thought that the hidden track was the most beloved song out of all of the songs from the album itself.
It definitely wasn’t his intention for it to be more well-received than their title track. Still, the members were more than happy that they were getting the recognition nonetheless, and of course, with Sunwoo, who’s finally back on track and much happier.
News immediately made headlines when the public found out that he has been seeing a non-celebrity, but both of you were thankful that his fans were supportive, and Sunwoo has managed to keep you out of the spotlight most of the time.
It was crazy to think that a few months had passed since then, and you had decided to move in with Sunwoo for the past month. You’ve quit your PR job; instead, you are now working as his manager.
You both have made it clear to establish personal and business relations and most of the time, everything works out. There are times when both of you have to give up one thing for the other, but you have never failed to talk things through and make it work.
Just as Sunwoo was deep in his creative mindset, his train of thought was cut off when you climbed into his lap and cuddled with your boyfriend.
“Seems like my kitten misses me a little bit too much, hmm?”
“Don’t be stupid. You’re sitting on my couch, dumbass.”
“Hey, this is my apartment; who said this couch belongs to you?”
“This couch was from my old apartment, so it’s mine,” you stuck your tongue out before trying to see what he was up to. “New song?”
“Yeah. Was feeling a little inspired,” Sunwoo hummed.
With that, you could only look straight at his side profile and admire how he looked when working. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you have come to love the guitarist Kim Sunwoo. He always put in a hundred percent when he worked, inspiring you to do the same as his current manager.
“Care to share with me what the new song is all about?” You pinched his cheeks, but he gently pushed you away. “That’s not fair. I’m your manager, so I deserve to know.”
“Now now, it’ll just ruin the fun if I tell you all about it now.”
“Fine then. No Neoguri Ramyun for you tonight,” you crossed your arms before he finally gave in and hugged you tightly.
“You can’t use my source of nutrition against me,” he sulked.
“I can, and I will if you don’t tell me now.”
Sunwoo sighed. “Fine. It’s titled Starboy. I guess it gives a little glimpse into the current fame that I have gotten over the past several years.”
As you took in what you had just heard from your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but snort at his comment, earning a little smack on your shoulder. “How dare you mock me?”
“Nah, it’s nothing. I just think that it’s absurd that you want to write a song about that.”
“Yeah no, you’re looking down on me, Y/N. I’m going to make sure you-”
Before he could finish his sentence, you cupped both cheeks and brought his lips to yours, giving him a kiss that made his heart beat ten times faster than it already was. He definitely did not expect a sudden move from you since he always initiated a kiss with you.
As you pulled apart from him, you gently laid your forehead against him, and you caressed his now red flushed cheeks.
“Kim Sunwoo, you’re already and will forever be my Starboy.”
A/N: i def struggled writing this yes...but i hope i did it justice nontheless 😭
masterlist
taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @djidfk @daisyvisions @stealanity (join my permanent taglist here!)
#deoboyznet#k-vanity#k-labels#kflixnet#k-films#the boyz#tbz#the boyz x reader#the boyz imagines#the boyz scenarios#the boyz fanfic#tbz scenarios#tbz fanfic#kim sunwoo#kim sunwoo x reader#sunwoo x reader#kim sunwoo imagines#kim sunwoo scenarios#kim sunwoo fluff#kim sunwoo angst#kim sunwoo suggestive#sunwoo imagines#sunwoo fluff#sunwoo angst#sunwoo suggestive
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Happy 5/14!!!!
Aaaaahh not sure if this is my best work 😭 I just really wanted to draw smth for vettonso day but my brain hasn't really been functioning well LOL so I kept dreading working on this, especially bcs its so important to me, y'know? I hope it's good????? I'm happy with the concept, but I was just so unsure on so many of the angles and it was killing me. I did the color thing bcs I thought it'd add something interesting to it :) since I didn't paint it as I usually would
Anyways! Process!
Now I will explain all of them:
Boy king au is where it all starts of course. I think their relationship is the most developed in this compared to the others, but at the same point, they just start from such a different point, especially affection-wise. All of these kinda have a power dynamic, except the last one, and this is the most imbalanced. Fernando is being subservient, the only part of Seb he may kiss(in public lol) is his hand.
Matador au next. They hurt themselves when they try to be affectionate, because they live in the culture of a sport of violence and death. The sword separates them, their love for the sport keeps them apart, in fear that they hurt each other. Seb, yet again, looks down upon Fernando. Seb haunts Fernando's whole career, the constant overhanging presence. Also aside from that, shame that you can't see his three musketeers look bcs of the black background 😔
2012 core!!! I think this one is pretty easy to understand. Both of them often kiss their trophies, more so than any driver. So they're both trying to claim the wdc trophy by kissing it. Maybe you guys should just get rid of the trophy altogether and claim each other! But yes, just like the sword in the matador au one, the trophy and their ambitions divides, keeps them from ever bridging the vast gap between them, at least at that point in time.
The conclusion! Aka what I wish we will get at Imola 2024- kidding kidding. But it is 2024. Finally there is no conflict between them, there's no big thing keeping them in conflict, they can finally come together. Finally they can touch, there is no gap to bridge, they can appreciate each other, and appreciate what they failed to in years past.
The thesis is basically that they always have their aspirations between them, and their aspirations happen to be basically the same thing. Until those are resolved, the gap between them is too vast for them to recognize and/or find any commonality. How do you get along with someone when you're both fighting for the same thing? How do you get along when it feels like one of you is winning more? How do you get along when there's such a vast gap?
In boy king au, it's going to take a while before they both feel settled about the issue of the throne. That's what makes that au interesting, they're trapped in this state of non-closure and they have to actually solve their issues without the matter of one of them simply removing themselves from the equation. They have to find a way to get over themselves and their aspirations, because like it or not they're stuck with each other. I think with the hand kissing, it represents how Fernando, at that point, is only willing to play along with the game if it's tradition, and he often won't budge in other ways. Yes, I will show subservience, but only in this detached, formal way that I don't connect personally to. He's still holding his own bitterness over meaningfully appreciating Seb. Though it's not like Seb isn't at fault. It takes a while for him to not hold things over Fernando, and constantly humiliate him. One day they will meaningfully show affection, and it won't be some sort of power play.
I think matador au is pretty similar to real life, and the 2010s era(it's basically just their actual plot line but in the context of bullfighting.) They're forever going to have this big elephant in the room, and it only really gets resolved when one of them leaves the sport. Once they're not fighting directly against each other, they realize what they've been missing out on and what they were not appreciating for so many years beforehand. They finally come together because they can't just rely anymore on the sport keeping them together. They actually have to make that step to be in each other's lives, rather than just taking their presence for granted.
Also the text on the comic. "We keep missing, and missing, and missing, and finally kissing." It's basically: we keep missing the point of it all, we keep failing to appreciate each other presence in our lives and in our own individual grand stories. But when we're not forced together anymore, we have to make the choice to come together again ourselves. We keep missing what we actually need to do. Missing each other in favor of our aspirations. Etc etc. One day we will finally embrace and there will be nothing keeping us apart.
#hahaha im more proud of what i wrote under the cut so make sure to read that!#im happy w the concept but the art hurt my brain so its not my best work i dont think#i also never draw kissing#so please take my token of actual shippy affection for once#VETTONSO DAY!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHH#man im glad i realized that last wk bcs i think i wouldve never recovered if i didnt draw smth for it#tho thsts why i think i kinda dont like this drawing 😭#the process was rly stressful to me bcs im like I HAVE TO FINISH THIS#its my national holiday and i must pay my dues 🤧🤧#but im happy abt the plotline of this all :)#sigh. when will vettonso truly stop missing and actually start kissing#i rly hope 005's art and mine works as some sort of sacrifice so we get pics of them together from imola#like PLEASE guys if theres literally one thing you could do for me. it would make my year. genuinely#i just need that shock again of japan 23. just the completely unexpected pictures#cmon lets have a meetup of aston failboys as they look upon the amr24 and commiserate#^ see exactly the point of this art. they have this bridging them together.#conflict that keeps them together and that they can relate to rather than dividing them#conflict is not man vs man anymore. it's man vs car 😔#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#catie.art.#catie.rambling.txt
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the sunshine court notes
first things first riko needed to be brutally beaten to death, a shot was too quick
renee talked like a fortune cookie and it was pissing me off
i wish we got more of Wymack and Jean, it was very nice of him to get on the plane with Jean
jean immediately getting annoyed with basic life is really funny
jean is also really sassy and hilarious
also something weird happened in jeremeys house
my personally theory is that he had a sibling who died and his family thinks its his fault
like maybe an accident or maybe the sibling overheard something that they weren't supposed to and his sibling had to die as a result
whatever happened the butler knows about it and is trying to protect him
and whatever happened had to be bad because the act of dying his hair had his family ban him from the dinner table
neil believing his relationship with andrew as a strength his really good for his character, considering his mom was so keen on him not forming any connections
the fact that jean actually considered reaching out to his sister, only for him to learn that she was dead breaks me every time
and neil using her to force him into a belief that he doesn't deserve to belong to anyone but himself was a necessary cruelty.
i also like that Jeremey was the one who telling him about Rikos death was good
jean has no agency in the entire 1st act of the book, he is taken from the nest and basically held captive, then he is forced to go to the sunshine court, which he doesn't like but has to
the foxes all hide info from jean for his own good
and jeremey being the one to tell him is nice because jeremey is his first taste of freedom
jean talking about his abuse in such a casual manner is horrifying bc he thinks its so normal and its horrifying
" i didn't ask" broke me in so many ways because Jean doesn't particularly trust jeremey at the time, nor did it slip out while he was angry, he just said it so casually like it was normal
At first i felt bad for Lucas, but not so much anymore.
he was a sympathetic character who was trying to straddle a thin line of having faith in his captain and who he belives is a violent stranger and his brother who is not the same boy he know
but bringing Greyson to jean was soo fucking stupid it pisses me off
and the fact that jean wasn't even really fighting back, just trying to protect himself is upsetting
also the imagery of him punching the keypad over and over again just trying to get out is gutting
jean isn't a dog who bites, he's a dog who puts his foot to the fire because he believes that he is supposed to do
the water scene was sad as well because he was trying so hard to behave but physically could not
also Jeremey and really most people on the team meet his violence with unflinching kindness is really sweet
i also appreciate how jeremey doesn't force jean to talk about his trauma or even takes the notes from him, jean has had little to no control in his life since he was 15 and forcing him to talk about it when he wasn't ready would have made it worse
and jean asking jeremey to pretend was sweet and what was even sweeter when he did
jean learning to cook is nice as well because he needs life skills
theory for book 2: jeremey buys jean his freedom and jean becomes an exy coach ( more of a pipe dream i guess)
i also think Greyson will kill lucas
jeremeys saving grace being the thought of his sister deserving better is horrifying
i wish we got more of his relationship with Zane
neil is a real one because Jean compared Greyson to drake once, and Neil took care of it for him
jean being afraid of sleeping alone is so sad because he's basically been trained to sleep next to someone
and the fact that he has nighmares, but they are hardly mentioned, and jeremey is the one to bring it up is so sad
also kevin should have tried harder to reach out to jean
jean pushed away the foxes because he knew they would eventually leave him too
jean being steadfast in the idea that if he plays a good game he will have momentary peace is heartbreaking
jean holding onto his talent despite people thinking he slept his way to the top is also upsetting
i hope we get a zane and jean reunion bc i think they truly cared for each other
maybe kevin sends jean a postcard and a magnet and they can reconnect
also him realizing his very limited possesions have been destroyed made me almost cry
and the magnet scene with jeremey is very sad, but him realizing the magnets are broken make him realize that he is
kevin and jean still both being afraid of riko is telling bc riko is dead
let me know what yall thought... always willing to talk about all for the game.
#the foxhole court#nathaniel wesninski#the sunshine court#tsc#tsc spoilers#jeremy knox#jean moreau#the ravens#tfc#aaron minyard#kevin day#coach wymack#abby tfc
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Falling Through The Cracks : Hazbin Hotel x reader
[ Prologue: The Price Of Overtime ]
Word count: 2.7k
A/N There isn't a lot of interaction with the characters yet bc this is just establishing how reader got there, but there will be with most of the hotel in chapter 2 🙏
This was bc I reached 300 followers. Thank you for getting me to that milestone 💛
Cw SFW, gn!reader, stalking, slightly descriptive depiction of violence, death, vomit(?), reader has a bad time pretty much
Your steps echoed out in the darkness as you walked down the pockmarked sidewalk. The only thing keeping you from falling flat on the pavement with how dark it was was barely working street lights.
It felt as if you were walking in a different plain of existence at 12am through the eerily silent and abandoned streets, the unnatural lights which cast a sickly yellow glow over everything only added to that impression.
Normally, you would have knocked off at your job before the sun had set to avoid the crazies out at night in your city. Overtime rates seemed worth it this morning, though; a decision you absolutely regretted now.
In-between the cries of the crickets, frogs and the other normal sounds of the night - a quiet sound like a second pair of footsteps had been following you for a while now, although each time you looked over your shoulder and stopped in the middle of the gloomy patches of light lining your trek home, nothing was behind you and the second pair of steps stopped along with your own.
This constant seeking of reassurance did absolutely nothing to calm your steadily rising hackles, however.
As your eyes scanned the abandoned streets all around you, your hair stood on end. Something was there, and you could feel it. Somehow the lack of life made it worse then if you could actually see whoever the person was following you.
Maybe it was paranoid bullshit in reality, but you would far rather it be your mind playing tricks on you than die finding out it was real. You quickened your pace.
The seconds ticked by extremely slowly due to your hyper-awareness of everything going on around you, your eyes darting around to try and catch sight of whoever it was; instead only finding the shadows of tree limbs which were all too human-like and the occasional bird which was startled due to your presence.
You were just a few minutes away from home, so if you could just reach it-
You startled, becoming rigid where you stood, trembling as jittery adrenaline began flowing through you as you heard it.
The low sound of a whispering voice flowed out of the inky darkness, a melodic sound which tickled at your ears and made your mind feel strange, almost like zoning out.
It felt.. Nice after the long day you had had. It felt right. You couldn't quite understand the words being spoken, it sounded like some kind of long-forgotten dead language, but it lulled you into calmness.
‘Wha�� are y…’ A half-formed thought which was drowned out. Your eyelids felt heavy as the stress of the day weighed on your shoulders, the siren call feeling like a warm hug in comparison to the fear of the unknown that was quickly ebbing away.
‘What… you.. doi..’ You just wanted to sleep so badly.
You swayed in place, body stubbornly fighting your mind's desire to collapse and do as the whispering voice was seemingly telling you.
The stranger's words would have fully ensnared you if your rational thought hadn't screamed out finally after its continuous suppression.
‘What are you doing!’
You snapped back to reality, suddenly aware of the way the footsteps had grown louder, a glimpse of the outline of an inhumanly tall person just out of view under the poor lighting visible from the corner of your eye.
Oh fuck.
It was like a fire was lit under you all at once as you finally comprehended just how royally screwed you could have been had you waited for whatever supernatural bullshit this was to catch up with you. You ran as fast as you could, a primal response to flee suddenly waking up and prompting you to haul ass as fast as you could away from the figure.
The world blurred around you as you passed lines of trees and occasional benches on your way, your scared mind fearing that any of the long shadows cast could be inhabited by whatever it was.
Your heart beat out of your chest, feeling light-headed with the mixture of fear and adrenaline as your ability to quickly move kicked into high gear.
Your throat and lungs burnt, hair plastered to your forehead with sweat uncomfortably, but you didn't stop even once as it gained on you.
Whatever it was saying only grew louder - what was gentle and appealing to your ears now stung them and made your head hurt, loudly ringing within them.
You should have just taken a normal shift.
Hey, at least you'd die with a bunch in your bank account though, huh? The pessimistic thought made you laugh out loud despite the pain and fear combing into nausea within you.
You were confident that to any nosy onlookers safely within their houses, you probably looked batshit insane with your wild mess of hair, terrified expression and shaky laughter, running away from ‘nothing’.
You were so fucked.
Tears stung your eyes, blurring with your throbbing headache brought upon the voice now screaming its commands at you.
It fell on deaf ears ironically as you continued the breakneck pace away from it.
You made the mistake of snatching a glance behind you again, throwing your head around and trying to remove the hair from your eyes in an attempt to see if the figure was still present. The toe of your scuffed up converse caught within a large hole in the sidewalk painfully, and you went spiralling downwards.
You cursed loudly.
The next few seconds seemed to move differently as if you fell in slow motion, heartbeat echoing in your ears as the sound of the voice abruptly ended.
Beat beat.
You squeezed your watering eyes shut instinctually as you made eye contact with the grey pavement you were now falling towards.
Beat beat.
You put your hands out in front of you to try to stop yourself from going face first into the ground.
Beat beat.
An odd cracking sound akin to electricity echoed around you.
Beat beat.
You braced for impact, your thoughts a jumbled mess of fabricated monsters you envisioned were going to catch you any second and longing for the mundane problems which had seemed so hard before this.
Beat beat.
...
Collision with the ground never came.
What?
The feeling of falling suddenly intensified as time became normal again, hot wind whipping at your tear-stained cheeks and quickly drying them. You opened your eyes.
And promptly began screaming.
The vision of the tops of buildings which were cut into a pentagram shape turned your already struggling brain to mush as you realised you were now falling from a great height into a city rather than just a small distance to the pavement below.
Visceral fear filled you as you quickly approached a seemingly much worse, more gruesome fate.
The tall walls of highly built units rushed past you as you fell with no hope in sight of stopping.
As the garbage ridden streets of the strangely shaped city came into view, you almost managed to cry despite the hot air as a gut-wrenching scent like burning meat and hair hit your nostrils.
Great, you'd die in filth. At least in the streets where you were you would have died with some dignity, but this nightmarish, oddly red landscape robbed you of even that.
'I'm so dead.'
Everything went dark just before your body collided with the alleyway below, your brain trying to afford you one last favour so you wouldn't feel anything from your supposed impending doom.
-
Vaggie didn't know what to expect on that morning when she and Charlie took a walk through the streets of hell after the announcement that the next extermination would be moved up.
With one hand in her hopeful girlfriend’s to try keep her from running off into the violent streets full of terrified demons killing each other, the other on her trusted spear, she surveyed the shitshow that was the streets of Pentagram city as best as she could with her one eye.
They were trying to recruit more people into the hotel; hoping that the news would lead people to their doorstep with hope that they could escape the next oncoming attack from heaven.
However, it was as if the depravity was dialled up to a hundred. People were desperate, but they weren't desperate in the way that she and Charlie were looking for.
She shook her head at the carnage occurring in the messy streets, all the more outlandishly sinister with the way the red glow of the sky in the Pride ring shone down on everything.
“Everyone is uh, sure more… lively today, aren't they, Vaggie?” Charlie spoke up from next to her as a demon ran full speed at the two of them while yelling nonsense, promptly being cut down in place effortlessly by her spear.
Vaggie sighed softly as her yellow eye looked down at the body to her right, making sure they were dead before pulling out the point of her spear with a sickening squelching sound that prompted the princess to shudder, hand trembling in her's slightly.
“I don't think we're going to find anyone here who..” she trailed off as her eye which was analysing everything going on with rapt attention caught sight of a sinner’s unconscious body being hauled over the shoulder of a more than suspicious looking demoness.
She was unsure of what exactly drew her attention to them, however that's when she began noticing certain.. differences.
Your form was far too small and fragile-looking to be that of a normal resident of hell. Her brows furrowed as she squinted to try get a better look at you from where you slowly started to stir as the demon holding you leaned down to try pick at a freshly fallen body; presumably to pick-pocket them.
Charlie hummed in confusion at the way she stopped speaking, following her line of sight.
She too watched in unbridled surprise as your tangled head of hair raised to reveal your face looking up at them with tired and unfocused puffy eyes.
Your undoubtedly human face.
After you finally grasped what was going on, you startled and began squirming to try and get away from the person holding you around the middle in an uncomfortably tight grip. Your horrified, glossy eyes looked around wildly as the one keeping you in an iron grip yelled at you to stop before landing on Charlie and Vaggie, who were gawking at you in disbelief.
The way that you stared at them as if they had two heads despite looking relatively normal as far as people down here went was the last indication that the two of them needed that you definitely didn't belong here.
Vaggie cursed as Charlie let go of her hand and rushed over to try and help you, steps crunching loudly on the mixture of broken glass and bodies strewn across the ground.
The fallen angel shook her head at the princess blindly rushing in with no weapon, raising her spear to strike the sinner down before they could harm Charlie, fighting to catch up with the overly enthusiastic blonde.
Your world pivoted suddenly as your captor whipped around upon hearing them approaching, turning you to face a graffiti-ridden wall instead. You swallowed down bile as you fought to keep from throwing up with the sky-high nausea filling you at just about everything going on.
This had to be some kind of weird dream. Those weren't actually dead bodies around, right? You weren't actually followed home by a weird supernatural creature, right? Maybe you were just actually unconscious, passed out because you were so tired after the day. Surely that was it.
Your thoughts ticked over into nonsense as your panic grew and grew to the point that you barely heard the altercation happening right next to you.
That is, until something warm splashed against your face and knocked you back to the reality that didn't quite feel real at all.
The person holding you collapsed, and you felt your brain go blank as you saw the silver blade of the shorter woman’s spear sticking out of her back, impaling her all the way through.
You barely felt the collision with the ground.
You slowly pulled yourself out of the now loose grip of the dead sinner who held you with your jaw slack, pupils impossibly wide while you trembled numbly, your mind fighting to make sense of what was even happening.
Bringing your hand up to your cheek, you felt at whatever had splattered on your face, barely able to even feel the heat of it.
It was when you pulled your hand back to find dark crimson staining your palm, that you finally retched loudly before vomiting next to the corpse.
This was all, in fact, very real, and you were in very real danger with whatever was going on.
Your instinct was to run again, but your whole body protested painfully at that idea. You could barely move at all at that point, confined to where you were, whether you liked it or not.
If the two women trying to talk to you - who you couldn't hear for some reason despite their lips moving to form words - decided you were next then you'd lay down and just let it fucking happen.
You were too damn tired to fight it at this point, and your pessimistic brain insisted that considering what had happened, you'd just probably end up being killed elsewhere in this shithole anyway.
You braced yourself for some awful weapon as the blonde woman pressed her hand into her pocket for something as she crouched down in front of you, squeezing your eyes shut in hope you wouldn't have to see yourself violently murdered in the same way that other person was.
Your eyes cracked open again, brow furrowed hard in confusion as something soft brushed over your cheek where the blood had now begun drying against your grimy skin instead.
Charlie swiped her handkerchief across your face, hoping to at least try to give you some relief from your obvious distress by removing the blood off of you.
She was used to hell; all the fighting, murder, blood and whatnot, but she imagined it must've been difficult for someone new - let alone someone who hadn't even become a sinner - to witness hell in about the most brutal, reality-altering way there was.
It made her heart clench with sympathy the way your exhausted eyes looked up at her, mind very clearly shot from your complete lack of response to her questions about how you got there.
Charlie looked to the side as Vaggie crouched down next to her, red pupils wide and looking at her girlfriend as if asking a silent question.
“There's no way that they would survive out here… We need to take them back with us?” Charlie slowly proposed the idea, hesitant but more than ready to argue her point to Vaggie.
Vaggie's half-lidded yellow eye looked down at you, taking in the way you could barely keep yourself awake after it was clear the violence had finally ended.
The hotel for sure had some characters who'd be nasty around someone like you.
Alastor would be an absolute pain to deal with; the cannibalistic overlord probably would be itching to taste human flesh again for the first time in decades.
Then there was Niffty.
She shuddered thinking of the recent situation of the small maid putting drain cleaner in Angel's drink and waiting with sick enjoyment for the pornstar to chug it, only to end up with a nasty surprise. What would that do to a human?
Vaggie took a deep breath through her nose as she pondered the headache keeping you in the hotel would cause. “Yes. Yes we do.” All of the issues that this would stir up in the hotel would be better than letting some poor, still-living soul who somehow managed to get down here fend for themselves against the harsh conditions of the streets of hell.
Her heart may have been dulled in all the years she had been alive, however, it still beat in her chest despite everything. Even she couldn't bear to think about the alternative.
Charlie let out a sigh of relief. She was thankful they were on the same page about this, she wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing she hadn't taken you in.
You wouldn't last a day with the kinds of freaks who'd pounce on you out here.
The princess retracted her handkerchief from your face as it was clear you were calming down now, and she instead gently rested her hand on your shoulder.
“You're safe with us. We'll help you, don't worry.”
Those words wrapped around you comfortingly despite still sounding a bit far away in your hazy state, and your eyes fluttered shut as you muttered out a barely audible "thank you”, before collapsing again.
Charlie laughed quietly as Vaggie moved to pick you up off of the ground before you fell in anything.. gross - er - more gross while she shook her head.
“A living human in hell. How does something like that even happen?” Vaggie asked Charlie, hoping she had some clue of what went on considering her lineage. She found no such solace, however.
“I have no idea. I've never once heard of a still-living soul passing through to hell from earth.” Charlie smiled ecstatically at Vaggie, who cautiously regarded your sleeping form as she picked you up bridal style as if you'd shatter in her arms otherwise.
Charlie stood alongside her and could barely contain her excitement. “buuuut, if we can keep them virtuous enough to still get into heaven while they're under our protection, then they can be proof that our program works!” She exclaimed brightly.
Vaggie smiled despite the doubt licking at the edges of her mind.
She had a very bad feeling about this.
*Throws you this and runs*/j
There might be some scuff, but I refuse to hold this back for even longer bc I said it'd be out like 2 days ago already 💀
If you'd like to be tagged when I update next, then lmk!
Falling Through The Cracks Masterlist
#Falling Through The Cracks - fic#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin hotel Niffty#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel fanfiction
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Thoughts on Echo as amputee/disability representation
First and foremost, I am not disabled or an amputee and I don’t claim to speak for those communities. What little I do know mostly comes from this youtube channel (@oakwyrm), this post, and other research I’ve done for my writing (and like one amputee I kinda knew in passing). By all means correct me and add to the conversation, I just have some thoughts I want to share because I haven’t really seen this discussed anywhere
Overview
So Echo is interesting. He is a triple amputee which is pretty rare in media. His disabilities come from extremely traumatic circumstances: injured in a near-death experience, imprisoned and dehumanized as an experiment with no autonomy over what happened to his body.
There are a few moments in the shows where Echo is treated… questionably. Like this bit where Rex uses him as an example of the Separatists' evils to convince the locals to fight back:
To be fair, yeah Echo’s treatment does prove that the Techno Union is not neutral like they claim. The modifications that everyone is gasping in horror at here obviously weren’t made with comfort and accessibility in mind, nor with Echo’s consent. But you still just want to be sure that “They took away his freedom, his humanity, they tried to turn him into a machine” is about using him as a living computer, not the fact that he is missing limbs.
The Batch is also pretty insensitive toward him and his trauma imo, which is weird considering they've supposedly also faced discrimination for their mutations
Disabled people do have to deal with stuff like this in this day and age so I guess it can speak to those experiences. I think especially him being mistaken as a droid (and Hunter going along with it (bruh)) might resonate with some people.
Aside from that stuff, Echo isn't really treated any differently as a character/person which is really good (as low of a bar as that is).
We get this moment in CW where Echo contemplates that yeah things are gonna be different now
While also (imo at least) showing that he is still the same person regardless, evidenced by the fact that he just echoed Rex :,) I also think it's significant that he joins the Bad Batch on his own terms and we're given a really emotional scene to specifically show that he's not just like 'lumped in with the other misfits' but that it is his choice to go where he feels his place is.
A lot of people, myself included, are disappointed that TBB didn't have more time to explore Echo's PTSD, but I think the one panic attack scene we did get is really good. Even thought it's minor it at least is an appropriate reaction from a guy who was medically tortured (which is more than I've come to expect from Star Wars shows lol)
And it's really sweet to see Omega showing Echo some empathy and consideration.
It would have been nice to see more of his adjustment period, and other side effects like chronic pain and maintenance, but there’s a lot of daily life stuff the show never had time for (i.e. we don’t know if he removed his prosthetics to sleep, but we also never saw him sleep anyway). His disabilities might take on a background role (much like the character himself sadly) but for the most part they aren’t invisible or erased, nor do they define his character and arc.
Physical Appearance
Okay this one is bit dicey, bc on the one hand, yes complaints that Echo’s paleness (caused by burns from the explosion or chemical burns from the cryo-chamber) is whitewashing are totally valid. But I also think you can draw comparisons to real life conditions that affect pigmentation/complexion (like you know burns). So while I understand why a lot of fanart will depict him with his original skin tone and with hair, consider that there are real people who have to live with temporary or permanent changes to their appearance, and the idea of “fixing" him by making him look more like his old self can be problematic.
It's also interesting to note that Echo could act as a reversal of the 'disabled/disfigured = evil' trope. He's pale and bald and wears black and red, which is so often visually associated with villains, but we all know Echo is the bestest boy™
The Headpiece
Echo’s headpiece is interesting because within the show we don’t actually ever learn much about it (idk if there is more info in books or whatever bc i don’t have them so?). He didn’t have it in CW so we know it didn’t come from the Techno Union and therefore Echo probably had more choice with it. We don’t know its exact purpose but it’s most likely related to his scomping abilities. When he is hacking with his scomp in CW, before he has his headpiece, it’s clearly very mentally straining:
We don’t see him struggling like this in TBB once he does have it (though that could be bc he got more used to it over time). There doesn't seem to be much of an impact when he removes his headpiece in s3 ep14-15, except that he gets stuck in the ports every time he uses his scomp which is not something we’ve seen before:
There might not be an exact real-world equivalent, but the headpiece is some kind of accessibility aid. It means that someone specifically designed a device to help him adapt to the changes the Techno Union made, as well as a helmet that integrates it. It’s removable and visually very present, much like a cochlear implant would be. (A lot of people actually headcanon it to act partially as a hearing aid, since it makes sense that Echo’s hearing would have been damaged in the explosion, but there’s isn't really any indication of this in canon.) The headpiece is never really acknowledged in the show, but I think that's a good thing. It's something he needs/wants and it just exists, completely normalized, and that's pretty cool 👍
Legs
Sigh... So from the very first episode of TBB I was really disappointed that the animation team or whoever completely visually erased Echo’s prosthetic legs (I think we all were, honestly, if fanart is anything to go by). It’s one thing when he’s in armor because he would probably want to protect his prosthetics, but we literally see him in his blacks and there is no indication whatsoever that he lost his legs even though it was not left up for debate at all in CW:
Like ??????!?
This is just really strange to me! Idk what went on behind the scenes with this decision but I don’t really see why it would be that much harder to animate or anything since it’s 3D and they've done it before. We do see some pretty sophisticated cybernetic technology in Star Wars canon that mimics real limbs:
But Luke’s fancy hand is technically 20ish years from now, so Anakin and Maul are more of a representation of what level we could expect here
So yeah, for no apparent reason, his leg amputation is effectively, visually and narratively nonexistent. Which is not great 👎
Arm!
The scomp on the other hand (uh lol!) is the complete opposite and I kinda love it!
At first I, like many others, thought it was a bit odd that they didn’t give Echo a prosthetic arm. Losing hands is basically a Star Wars tradition at this point, so robotic arms/hands are well established within the worldbuilding:
We aren’t necessarily given a canon reason for why Echo doesn't get a cybernetic arm (again unless it's in some lore book I haven’t read, sorry). General fanon explanations I’ve seen are that he either couldn’t because the Techno Union wired the scomp too far into his nervous system, and/or the resources to give him one were deemed too expensive for a clone (what about his legs tho?), or that he chose not to, usually because he thought the scomping was useful.
Regardless, I actually really love this choice (and it's the whole reason I made this post), because here's the thing: There’s a lot of problematic tropes out there that either erase/cure disabilities or compensate them with perks (like how pretty much any blind character is actually not blind by some sort of magic power). With amputees that is done with robotic arms. The character is still an amputee or course, and there is still value in that representation, if this story from Mark Hamill that makes me tear up is anything to go by:
but for the most part these characters function like anyone else, just with a limb that looks a little different. It’s no more than a video game skin, an able-bodied actor with a green screen glove. It “cures” the disability, or it actually makes the character even stronger than usual:
It usually makes sense within the world of the story, but the reason it’s not so great in my opinion is that in the real world we just do not have technology anywhere close to that yet. Prosthetics can more or less replace any mobility from lost legs, but not for all the complexities of a hand (and even if they could the average person wouldn’t be able to afford it).
So
I think it's actually really super cool that Echo’s scomp bypasses the canonically-established amputee erasure and functions much like a stump would irl. He integrates it into his movements and everyday life and it’s (as far as I know) a lot closer to an everyday amputee’s experience.
It doesn’t define his character, it doesn’t hold him back, he lives a full life, the other’s don’t treat him any differently, and he’s still a total karking badass
The only additional thing is that he sometimes uses it as a weapon (which given his story, I think it’s cool to see him taking back autonomy in a way, and we only see that like twice)
And also the scomping, which could be seen as the 'added/compensating superpower' trope. But narratively it's no different than if he was plugging in with a hacking gadget of some kind (he didn't necessarily "need" to lose his arm for it) and it’s not like Echo is completely defined by this skill. Personally, I think it's well worth the positives of him actually having a visible and realistically impactful amputation.
I see a lot of posts or comments out there that say stuff like “how come Echo doesn’t get a hand?” or fanworks that do give him one and I just think it’s a bit of a shame. If he did get a robotic hand, it just would have disappeared the same way his legs and Anakin’s arm did (aside from that one time he got yoinked by a magnet). When Echo did “get a hand” in the last two episodes there were comments like “yay he finally got a hand! but it doesn’t even work” but I was actually so relieved that it didn’t! Bc for one thing that wouldn’t make any sense, he grabbed it off a droid, it wasn’t designed to implement with his scomp, that would be really complicated. But more importantly because it again refused to erase/cure his disability! It functioned like a real-world cosmetic prosthetic (useless beyond appearance) which is exactly what he needed it for, so that he could blend in better with his disguise.
And he continually took it off throughout the episode and ditched it at the end. He only used it for the necessity of a stealth mission, he doesn’t feel the need to visually “fit in” in his daily life.
And, last but very much not least, he made a dad joke and from my intel that is very accurate representation!
TLDR: Echo’s scomp is actually really cool from an amputee representation perspective, especially within Star Wars, and I think that deserves some appreciation
#man i just love him so much!#this post ended up ten times longer than i was expecting lol#its so strange to me that the same team that completely noped his prosthetic legs also gave us such good arm amputee represention#like whats up with that?#echo's scomp appreciation#also so glad those weird mod arm attachment things from the action figures never happened#representation matters#disabled lives are worth living#disability representation#amputee#disability tropes#robotic limbs#ableism#star wars#clone wars#the bad batch#sw tcw#arc trooper echo#tbb echo#tbb season 3#unwhitewashtbb#long post#accidental essay#analysis#thoughts#imo#rant#character analysis#writing disabled characters#writing
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Redacted what ifs- Hero AU shitposting
might bring this series back i still need to write up mafia solaire clan.
They have the same powers as they do in the base universe, and unempowered people barely know about empowered people apart from heroes and villains, and D.U.M.P. is a corrupt government that controls people from reaching their true magical potential or whatever.
● DAMN Crew
-Vigilante Freelancer
Feel like Freelancer would initially be some kinda low level villainbc of how they were brought up, but then they meet Caelum and try to do more good than bad.
-Goofy Sidekick Caelum (i miss him so much)
Caelum would be Freelancer's gauge between good and bad. They'd probably become dependent on him at some point because they don't want to loose their temper.
-Hero Gavin
Gavin and FL have a complicated relationship initially and then find out abt eachothers identities and fall in love.
Also Gavin is probably the furthest thing from a hero he's just chillin with the lifestyle mandated by the corrupt government tbh.
Like he knows the government is bad but nothing compares to his life on Aria (forgot how to spell it)
-Support hero Lasko
Lasko is a support hero because of his relationship with Gavin.
-Civilian Damien
-Civilian Huxley
Lasko, Damien, and Hux are less involved in hero life bc they don't know about Caelum. Not to mention I like the idea of people who don't know about someone's trauma helping the person through it.
-Villain Vega
Hes more of a Vigilante but specifically for demon kind (i think ive barely listened to his audios) but in general hes a villain from FL's POV (cus he hurt caelum)
-Hero & Rival Kody
He's not enough of a bad guy to be a villain but he is enough of a parasite to frequent cameos in FL's routine.
● Shaw Pack
-Freelance Hero David
He takes jobs for money, and is indifferent to politics unless it effects his pack.
-Civilian Angel
Genuinely thought Davey was a normal guy (except for the moodyness n shifting). When they find out its about a year into the relationship and Angel isn't having any of that shit. Of course David told them about him being a shifter after a while but not THIS. Safe to say they'd be angry for a while.
-Civilian Asher
He's Davey's chairman, just cannot realistically be a full time hero because its too boring for him. Though he will help David any chance he gets.
Also probably the quipiest mother fucker ever-
-Civilian Baabe
They'd find out about Asher and Davey waaay before Angel and probably keep the secret too. Angel would be real hurt but heal a lot faster with Baabe.
-Hero Sweetheart
-Anti-Hero Milo
He definitely has SH realize the realities of government shit or whatever
Also Davey and Asher know about Milo being an Anti-Hero they just don't give a shit 😭
(I've lost all knowledge of what the fuck is going on with the vamps so im not caught up)
● Solaire Clan
-Support hero Sam
-Vigilante Darlin'
They're kinda on the run after getting a bit too violent with a villain. Then found out that the government is protecting certain villains because of the money they get if they do.
-Villain Quinn
Yes, the villain darlin' got too violent with is Quinn, who tf else would it be?
-Civilian Lovely
They'd still be a civilian after finding out they have magic, despite the government pushing them to be a hero. Although, they'd probably help a lot more after turning.
Another thing- the letters from the government asking lovely to be a hero would stop after their turning. They'd probably be even more angry when realizing that than when the government harassed them. Probably resulting in a breakdown and them thinking theyre worthless now.
-Hero Figure head Vincent
I don't think Vinnie would get too much into action unless absolutely needed.
-Hero Adam
Adam would've been a hero but gave into his cravings when lovely came around looking for vincent. But he wouldve been pushing his hero reputation a lot, if anyone knew of him before he died for good, they would've said hes a terrible hero.
-Hero Alexis
I dont think i need to say more, she'd still be on thin ice after sam's turning, though.
#☠️ hcs#redacted headcanons#redacted damn crew#redacted shaw pack#redacted solaire clan#redacted freelancer#redacted gavin#redacted caelum#redacted lasko#redacted damien#redacted huxley#redacted vega#redacted kody#redacted david#redacted angel#redacted asher#redacted baabe#redacted sweetheart#redacted milo#redacted lovely#redacted vincent#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted adam#redacted alexis#redactedverse#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redacted what ifs
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u dont have to answer this but i was wondering if u could elaborate on ur opinions about rpf -- bc i kind of agree with you that it's like, it's fine and it's not morally wrong or anything but it def is a little weird? idk ive never been able to rly explain my feelings about it so im curious what u think
honestly my main view on rpf (whether of the y/n self insert variety or the gay shipping variety) is it's literally fine as long as you're not putting it anywhere the people involved are going to see it. like when you boil rpf down to its bare essentials it is just fantasising about a famous person (or multiple famous people, in varying combinations), which is something human beings have been doing in their brains since people first started becoming famous. and i think expressing those fantasies through creative outlets like fic, art, 2013 polyvore outfit boards about going on a yacht trip with harry styles, etc is an entirely natural progression of that impulse
and in that way i sort of view it as similar to any other fantasy you might have about another human being: it is totally normal and essentially morally neutral, i hope you'd agree, to daydream about a person you fancy, whether those daydreams are PG-13 or heinously X-rated, whether they're a friend or acquaintance or stranger or celebrity. where it would become weird is if you went up to said person completely uninvited and said "hey, would you like to hear in elaborate detail about the things i thought about you doing to me while i was masturbating last night?" - and so i think the same applies to rpf. like obviously don't send your rpf to the person in question, don't show up with BLINK TWICE IF THE BABY IS FAKE signs to a louis tomlinson concert, archive lock your rpf on ao3, don't proudly post about it on websites that the people in question are active on especially in this age of algorithm-based social media where unless you lock your account you have no real surefire way of ensuring they'll never see it, etc etc. every time i see people talk shipping in the comments of an official f1 post a part of my soul dies
i think another big thing about rpf to me is that all celebrities are essentially playing a fictionalised version of themselves. no matter how authentic they seem to their fanbase, when you combine things like media training + PR/marketing obligations + building a Persona + the pressure of competing in a sport (for athletes) + the level of code switching inherent to being in what is essentially a public facing job, we as fans & observers are not seeing the real harry styles or taylor swift or charles leclerc or whoever else. we are seeing the version of that person that they want us to see (or, in the case of historical rpf, you're writing about a ghost reconstructed from fragments distorted through the lens of missing evidence, potentially biased historians, potentially even more biased first and third party accounts, etc), and so i don't really view rpf as inherently invasive because you're not really writing about the real person, moreso the constructed image of Celebrity Of Choice.
of course, that is not to say that rpf can never become invasive: the clearest example would be ship truthers harassing the people involved due to what they perceive as "evidence" of some great forbidden love story, but i'll be real there is a lot of F1 rpf specifically that i side eye from a distance because of how it will use drivers' intensely personal real life trauma as a plot point, which is a line i'm not really comfortable crossing with real living people, especially not when it comes to dangerous sports lmao. but i think that is an issue with some rpf enjoyers' boundaries and not an inescapable root problem with the very idea of rpf imo
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Y'all asked for it so I'm finally doing it-
🩺 Dr. Greyson Headcanons 🧸
Remember these are just headcanons. Some will be based on canon 'evidence' while others are absolutely pulled from my brain. You don't have to agree with or like them. These are all SFW. I'll absolutely do a NSFW version if there is a desire for it.
Idk how many rounds of these I'll do (probably as many as you guys want bc I'm weak and have many many thoughts about this man pls 🥴)
I've said it before in a couple places, but I 100% believe this man grew up in the country. Like farm life. He's just so chatty, so friendly, so neighborly, and was even down to wrastle that old man who stole the nurses' access card in the Pure White Heart anecdote. He's quick to laugh himself into a fit when he hears something stupid but equally quick to be helpful when someone is in need. This might just be my own experiences talking, but I grew up ON A REAL FARM and this is just soooo how country people are. The vibes are spot on. Plus Greyson is just... such a country name I'm sorry you can't change my mind there.
Because of this, I feel like he's one of those "first of my family to become a X" kind of kids, in this case, a doctor. I even think it's a step further and say it's likely he's the first to receive a doctorate.
Very mechanically minded. Is definitely the type to be able to actually fix things around his house/apartment by himself most of the time. Can do maintenance on his own vehicle but doesn't do anything too big simply to spare his hands (surgeons gotta keep those hands nice and safe!!)
Genuinely prefers working in the children's ward. Grey is such a silly and approachable man, his caring and chatty personality coupled with just how goofy he is makes him a hit with the kiddos. I mean his pfp is an injured teddy bear ffs. This man was made to be in pediatrics and got distracted by cardiology. Kids always laugh at his jokes and think his balloon animal skills are neat, and that's way better than arguing with adult patients.
Learned how to bake from his grandma. I'm talking handmade pie crusts, laminated dough for croissants, freezer jam, tempered chocolate, etc. When he first started at Akso he'd bring in treats as a way to break the ice with some of the other drs. Now, they beg him to make the birthday cakes when the senior staff birthdays come up and he has time.
His apartment is very much a modern take on a cozy farmhouse, spacious view style. Grey starts feeling very cooped up in Linkon, so his apt is a high rise with a lot of floor to ceiling windows to at least help him feel less stuffy and give him a wider view of the city.
Is a terrible dancer. He's totally fine with this and has accepted it. Just don't ask him to dance unless you're also 100% okay with him looking like a fool while you're attached to him.
Holds his liquor very very well. Can absolutely get drunk but it takes a LOT for him to get that drunk and he just doesn't drink to that excess anymore. That was young (HS/pre med) Grey. Almost 30 y.o Grey is too old for that and has work in the morning please spare him.
Has a 10 year old orange tabby cat named Archie (Archibald) that came to Linkon with him from the farm. Archie was too lazy to make it as a farm cat, so Grey took him with him when he left for school and they've been buddies ever since.
Lives for the outdoor life even though he's in a heavily developed city. Takes as many opportunities as he can to camp, fish, hike, walk, run, ANYTHING to get back into nature when he's not at work. Will try and drag his friends and coworkers into it with him sometimes, but other times he prefers it to just be him and Archie on an adventure.
#lnds#love and deepspace#lads#l&ds#love & deepspace#lnds headcanons#lnds greyson#lnds dr greyson#lnds Doctor Greyson#dr. greyson#can you hear my heart 💙⃤#Mother Hen has provided her little chickes with crumbs- for all 7 of you lol#i hope all 7 of you enjoy ♡♡♡
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when it comes to jaime's fatherhood, yeah, it's somewhat unreasonable for cersei to have the kids be almost 100% hers, thinking they don't need a dad and it would be too risky for jaime to get too close, only to expect jaime to turn paternal mode on like a switch to help her avenge joffrey--even though they were not even close as uncle/nephew and disliked each other, BUT it is a bit more understandable when considering the example of fatherhood cersei grew up with. tywin had a more involved role in his children's lives as their publicly known father, but it was never a particularly warm and loving role with any of them. yet even so, that guy set all the riverlands on fire to avenge the capture of his least favorite child. a son he actually cared so little for that when tyrion did return to him alive and relatively unharmed, he wasted little time putting tyrion in a battle position where he could expect to actually be killed. caring about tyrion's safety or potentially permanant loss was never the impetus for starting his war, what mattered was that tyrion was a lannister and his kidnapping was an insult to all of them that had to be avenged. that's the kind of anger cersei wanted from jaime. she thought a woman's weakness meant mothers had to love their children, but fathers needing to spend time with their kids just to care for them and form a strong bond would be more of a foreign concept.
even without that avenging anger, i do wonder how jaime would have reacted had the true culprits in joff's murder been known or had cersei accused anyone except tyrion, accused one of their actual enemies, bc he did see his role in life as the family attack dog, cersei's sword arm. and when he first heard of the regicide and made a final race for kl, he was thinking that she'd need him for both comfort and revenge. thing is, even without that anger, he does display a bit of that possessive thinking, of joffrey not as a person in his own right but as just as his (secret) belonging. he didn't want to believe tyrion could have done it bc kinslaying was even worse than simple kingslaying, focusing not on how tyrion was already the boy's uncle through cersei but on the fact tyrion knew he was jaime's son too. it's not that tyrion wouldn't do that bc he couldn't be a kinslayer no matter what, or that violently poisoning a 13yo at his wedding was wrong, the real crime would be in the personal betrayal to jaime even if joffrey's death was no real loss to him at all. jaime could tell himself that joff was no more to him than a squirt of seed inside cersei, but it still made all the difference that the seed was his.
#asoiaf#cersei lannister#tywin lannister#jaime lannister#joffrey baratheon#tyrion lannister#pride of lions#(c)lsb
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(re: sssniperwolf and jacksfilms)
It's laughable that she escalated it that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure stalking him like that is illegal and it's terrifying regardless, but Jack said in a stream (can't remember which one) that he wasn't about bringing up past controversies of hers or cancelling. And now she shows up outside his house (wtf!!!). Like he was willing to only call her out for stealing and freebooting but she's gone and stalked him and Jack doesn't seem like the type of guy to take that shit. Actual WTF moment from her part. wild
omg long post below bc apparently I have opinions:
YES!! THAT'S WHAT'S SO INCREDIBLE ABOUT THIS... Jack has been genuinely diligent about keeping things on-topic in his streams, and hasn't brought up any of her other Stuff, or anything Personal. Despite the fact that she kickstarted the whole thing by making it INCREDIBLY personal and attacking his physical appearance...
His goal has been to call out and bring attention to content theft, and he's stuck with it. Dude's also cared about this for years, and she's not the first content thief he's criticized. He just hates the way that freebooting has become so accepted-- to the point where youtube praised her for "coming up with such creative video ideas"? Hey! Ew!
Dude wasn't trying to get her cancelled though, there was no smear campaign of her character. He's been rallying to get her to CREDIT the creators that she relies on for all of her content. It would set a precedent for all other "react" channels on the platform for one of the biggest channels on youtube to actually give credit where credit is due. Or, god forbid, get permission first? It's not hard.
It's already done the job of making some other people who do "react content" self-analyze whether or not their content is transformative, and to maybe care about crediting the creators they rely on for their genre to work. There is a way to make this kind of video that isn't so slimy. And making fun of her lackluster-at-best reactions is so far from even being a big deal. Bc she literally does just sit there and say nothing.
Plus, his goal has a clear End built into it: if she started shouting out the creators she takes content from, and put links directly to their pages in her video descriptions, the job would be done! That's what he's asking her to do. Real bare minimum stuff.
It legit would have been easy to steer away from the content theft and to also talk about her history of lying to her audience! her ghosting a dying kid with cancer who was a big fan of hers! the fact that she's been arrested for armed robbery! her history of transphobia! He would also get more clicks that way, which is what she claims is his sole goal- to get more clicks.
I'll bring it up though!
She's been a terrible person the whole time, and has kept a steady course of manipulating her audience of young children and/or, let's be completely honest, simps- into thinking that she's a Wholesome creator. (And now, into thinking she's an innocent victim.) All of the actual effort put in by her has gone toward optics, not the content she puts out. A carefully constructed online persona, for one, but also literal appearances. Jack totally can't say this, bc she already went off the handle and said the only reason he doesn't like her is bc he Hates To See A Woman Be Successful. But I can! That was a cheap shot for her to use that argument when, for once, it's not applicable! Much the opposite, even! Dudes online wouldn't go to bat for her if she didn't look the way she does. And it weakens any case she'd have against him by making baseless claims like that.
She banks hugely on being an attractive woman to get her clicks/following. A massive amount of effort is put into her appearance. The makeup, the lip fillers, putting her hair in little pigtails, the chokers and tube tops, the big non-prescription Nerd Glasses, the thumbnails where she has her mouth open in That Expression?
I don't even have to say anything. But making a weird facial expression and putting your hair in pigtails aren't moral failings.
Showing up at someone's real life home (whose address you shouldn't even have access to), filming the front of their house at night, doxxing them to your audience of millions of people? Because you were mad at them online? That is fully scary! Yeah girl I'm pretty sure that Jack can press charges! There is absolutely no way to take the moral highground now that she's literally stalked him, and doxxed his home.
She tried to goad him and Erin (Jack's wife) out of the house, also, which creeps me out even more-- because what was she planning to do? The fact that she's been arrested for violent crime before does pop into my mind! lmao!
Jack was streaming a game at the time that she was outside his home, and these clips of him, his friends, and Erin reacting in real time to what is genuinely a scary situation have been taken down in case he needs to use them in legal action. Shit is legitimately serious!
#sergle answers#long post#LONGEST POST ON EARTH I'M SO SORRY#saying all this out loud only takes a few minutes but typing it... girl this is a BOOK#clearly I have thoughts on this Online Drama but also this isn't online!#these are people who exist in real life. and compromising a person's safety bc he criticized you for stealing tiktoks#is a real life thing. this isn't confined to online spaces! you can turn off your computer to get away from An Argument#but someone going to your house?? that's absolutely terrifying#and all of this is just because he's been telling her to credit the creators. it could have been resolved so simply.#I hope he takes legal action against her bc he genuinely has grounds to do so.#and I can't imagine how terrified and upset I would be if someone was outside my door. filming my house for their audience.#also the 'what if the roles were reversed' argument is rarely made in good faith... but she's already brought up the topic.#this would be getting even more coverage and the optics would be Even Creepier if a strange man with millions of followers showed up#at the home of a woman- just bc she criticized his videos- filming her home address for all to see and trying to get her to come outside.#It's just as creepy that sssniperwolf did this as it would be coming from ANYONE else#it's been downplayed bc her being a little skinny woman means that A Man shouldn't be threatened by her#which. even if she wasn't going to Do anything. any one of her rabidly loyal online followers MIGHT. she's not the only one who could go to#his house now! anyone could show up.#sergle.txt#Jacksfilms#Sssniperwolf
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also on the topic of meaningful consequences re: character death I don't understand the take that death in fantasy requires physical permanency to matter or give a story "stakes". death is permanent regardless. Do you really think that if they get her back, they'll just go back to normal? That these characters are not forever fundamentally changed from this, that Laudna will not be fundamentally changed from this?
That Imogen's world will be less fractured, that she won't be even more of an anxious wreck now that what she stands to lose has been put into vivid clarity? That Orym won't still carry the guilt of being the chosen, that he will be less haunted by the connections he drew to his own grief with Will to Imogen's with Laudna? That Fearne won't look at Laudna and think of that coin flip, of her choice, and what that means for her and how she loves? That FCG and Ashton won't think to this and be reminded of the people they've hurt or been hurt by, and what this effort and what this grief means for how they view the hells?
That Laudna, who has been so blasé about life and if she's alive and what being alive even means for someone like her, won't wake up surrounded by family and by love and be driven to reexamine everything she's taught herself in 28 years of isolation to cope with the trauma of Whitestone? That this, maybe, will be the driving force she needed to realize that there are things she wants to live for?
It might be that I'm just biased, but I'm not sure what stakes Laudna perma-dying adds aside from just presenting the characters with the knowledge they all already have that they can, in fact, die. that what they're up against is incomprehensibly powerful and dangerous. The stakes already feel so impossibly high when you think of what and who they are preparing to face. frankly the aftermath of this combat alone, even if everything had gone perfect and everyone had gotten back up a-okay, would have set that tone.
I don't know, regardless I'll be happy to watch whatever story they choose to tell unfold as it does, but it strikes me that so many people seem to think that death only matters if there is a physical absence.
#critical role#laudna#bells hells#I do want to specify though that this is my own interpretation of the situation from my view as a writer of the narrative#and my own interpretation of the situation as an audience member#I know death does not care for narration in real life and that dnd can be cathartic for those very reasons#that. to me. is a separate argument from what I'm trying to say here#I also have Thoughts about how. narratively. laudna coming back is the better story for Specifically bells hells and how they operate#individually and as a unit#and how I think a lot of people are blinded by the specific way molly effected the mighty nein#and I just do not think this is the same scenario At All#and also. if I may put out a more biased take. I don't necessarily Want the same impetus and the same story Again#this is bells hells! I want theirs! and they want to bring back laudna#also. like. the whole death only matters if it's permanent thing falls apart immediately bc like. it's laudna#y'know. the undead one. is her story lesser for having lived? is vox machina's?#anyway feel free to ignore this I'm just throwing thoughts out into the wind bc if I keep them in my brain I'll implode#and Twitter has a 140 character limit and I am long-winded
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there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.
#hello friends hope you all are doing well. my words have been abandoning me lately.#I talk a lot and feel like I say nothing. it is truly frustrating.#meanwhile I am doing a bible word study and realizing that all the things I have realized in the past might be valid#(namely the way that a lot of people in my church tradition try to reduce biblical concepts of 'peace' to a sort of inward emotional state#and that's not actually a great way to interpret the biblical concept of shalom. like at all. and massively cheats a lot of communities out#of the actual practical real-life extension of the kingdom and how it's supposed to function)#also I had a minor crisis a few days ago when I looked at a boy who I know only vaguely and thought 'oh. shoot. he's cute.'#I am not used to having these sorts of thoughts or at least not to acknowledging them to myself#not sure why I'm telling tumblr this but I have no one else to tell it to and I feel like I should get it out of my system lol :')#ok logging off again gotta eat some noodles and finish this assignment with is already late#I will see you guys at a later date#(probably not too much later tho bc it is spring break and I am unfortunately stuck at college and there are very few other people here :')#gurt says stuff
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"average person creates 3 new AUs per year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person makes 0 AUs per year. Alternate Universes Catie, who lives in cave & makes over 2 each month, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
#i think about how many ive made this year and i feel a bit woozy#its so funny bcs ive always been weirdly staunch abt not making AUs for my own characters#<- just bcs i wanna establish them and putting them in different AUs makes it a bit less stable so#and them i start drawing fanart for the first time in my life and go absolutely nuts#let me think hmm i think ive made 8 or so this year 🤔#not all of them have art yet but they do haunt me#like also does it count if you make offshoots of your own AUs 😭#i have too many thoughts ;;;;;#also i think its just bcs i really crave learning new info#and ive learned *a lot* about f1 so its fun to make AUs by learning more abt smth else and then combining them#like hmm how do these real world events fit into early 18th century europe JSKFKGLLVLV#actually i *do* live in cave. me and my dark bedroom 🤧#if you stay on my blog you WILL get a history or culture lesson abt some inane thing#catie.rambling.txt#*i need to start putting 'scheduled' in the tags of posts so you guys dont get a horrible perception of my sleep schedule#well it is horrible. but not horrible enough that im staying up *too* late
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also it really is shit how several popular bloggers were like. Horribly bigoted towards ace people when it was cool, but once it stopped being trendy they 1) deleted those posts so receipts couldn't be pulled 2) maybe put up claimed "redactions" or said "omg its been years if you really wanna know wether i still hate those people dm me" but never apologized for their behavior lmao. I don't think any of the people who did that actually changed, I just think they know it's not such an acceptable/fun target to bully anymore. It's really sick how that type of bullying was encouraged for years and how few people repented for their behavior.
#cipher talk#H*stlerose and lgbt*nis in particular come to mind#x***guiw*ng too tbh#They did a weird heel turn of being normal about ace people to insinuating most ace people are homophobic and self centered#And that believing a society which strictly controls your sex life doesn't like you not having sex and may punish you is a 'white thing'#As though the pressures around sex are not MORE strongly felt by PoC#I don't wanna say 'imagine if there was a mass movement of people who said they hated gay men and homophobia wasn't real and they never#Apologized or faced consequences' bc I know that exists. It's on Twitter and it's why I'm cagey around how people on tumblr say f*g#(I do mean like other lgbtq people tbc)#But like it's ridiculously fucked up that it happened. That people allowed it. That most people have forgotten about it either bc#They were targeted or bc they did the targeting#Remember when a real human being who had recently come out as ace was murdered for rejecting a man and people turned her into a fucking#Discourse topic? And posted decapitation photos claiming they were of her in tags about ace people/spread rumors about that?#I do. I fucking do.#Remember all the discussions about how 'denying your partner sex' was abuse? How ace people were p*dos for forcing discussions of sexuality#Onto kids? How wanting non alcoholic non sex forward spaces- something ND people and addicts also discussed- became a fucking crime?#Because ace people also thought it was cool?#Like g-d I know this was painful and I'm not saying we should do discourse again but forgetting all that isn't helpful either
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i think ppl forget sometimes that ppl who genuinely do not feel emotions do not do much of anything, bc u need emotions to feel motivated to do things and make many decisions. not feeling anything are characteristics of depression and schizoid personality disorder and both are characterized by lack of drive to do much of anything. often ppl use emotionless as short for smart and cold but truthfully those ppl are not emotionless, they must be motivated by something whether curiosity or fear or a sense of utilitarian morality.
and i think also ppl forget there is a price for repressing ur emotions. that shit is incredibly taxing on ur body, incredibly stressful. it will straight up make u sick. so all of this must be considered when u have a character that doesnt express themself much.
#this is my problem with ppl taking the idea that gears doesnt feel things at face value#he cant be relentlessly hardworking like that and also truly emotionless#he must be motivated by that#and even if he is repressing the way he feels there must be consequences to that#beyond the simple lack of connection with others that comes as a result#plus also if someone presented themself the way they do in real life#i am fairly certain theyd be identified as autistic#but i think some ppl dislike that label bc as soon as u label him with some sort of social disability#which is surely something he has#u have to reconsider how u treat his character in a way that isnt ableist#and ppl may find that if u assume that he does just have a social disability#then the way u were writing him before was ableist#idk#anyway.#puts these thoughts on tumblr#my previously private gripes
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obviously if you’re busy leave this alone but: your tag essay has made me VERY intrigued about Dess and Azzy’s relationship in this AU. Tell me about it?
(also, did you see they did an announcement about Starship Iris season 3? It’s finally gonna happen!)
okay IM HERE TO TALK LOL i will NEVER not talk about this au <3 uhhh under a cut bc. really i should just expect these get super long.
big important note up top: all of this is in! early stages! things are not fully formed and researched yet so please keep that in mind as you read this. ideas might change and will get deeper as i do more work for this au, but since rn im focusing on owl house most of these are my ideas i've had without time to do deeper dives into them.
okay so with asriel i've always sort of written him as this guy who like...has an idea of what is 'normal' in his head, ie, what society wants from people, and what it doesnt want, and he has tried his hardest his entire life to always fit into this box. (think about i know im not well--this is why he's always seen kris as a human. being nonhuman is abnormal and gets you punished in society. to an extent this is also how he views dess being aromantic.)
i think a lot of this comes from fear--asriel IS for sure contorting himself and actively harming himself to stay inside this narrow box of 'normal' (think of this as another sort of prophecy--these are all touching on the same themes). and he applies this same mentality to other people BECAUSE of this fear, because he doesnt want his loved ones to be hurt, to be punished, ostracized, etc by society--which are i wanna be clear VERY MUCH THINGS THAT HAPPEN--but in doing this he sort of just hurts the people he loves. because instead of being someone who rejects these boxes hes like. no we gotta be good and fit into the boxes and then everything will be okay.
so when it comes to dess, dess has always very much Done Her Own Thing, consequences be damned. partly this is who she is, partly this is hashtag undiagnosed and untreated mental illness, the onset of which happens around when shes 18 and everything is going down with the bunker (which is NOT helping at ALL). and so when dess comes back from the bunker asriel does very much go 'oh. shes delusional.' and proceed to be No Help At All.
and like, the thing is dess IS very much having a psychotic break. this bit is very much still in deep research (sidenote: anybody in my audience who has experience w/ these things. feel free to hit me up/dm me lol i'd love to talk through some of my ideas as a sort of preliminary sensitivity read, but of course only do this if you are up to it, no pressure lol bc again we're in early stages) but she has schizoaffective + bipolar disorder. dark worlds dont help with this, asriel SUPER doesnt help with this (he doesnt know her actual disorder--neither of them do, this is the onset of things. but tbf even if he did he Would Not Help asriel is essentially doing everything wrong here.) and what dess needs is literally one single person in her corner but the person who is supposed to be in her corner (azzy) is basically being like 'you are making this up' and shes like im NOT, and everything is all mixed together, terrible, bad, awful, and eventually everything culminates and. we know what happens.
(side note but this is why she and chara work real well together actually--chara gets her when asriel doesnt!!)
asriel never actually like. tells anybody about this though. in his head after its assumed dess and kris have died he sort of just. is like well this proves it. i cant let anybody else i care about go that far EVER AGAIN, because if i was a better friend i would've noticed and i wouldve stopped it and made dess "normal." (yes asriel sucks here. the focus is on the kids but. he's getting an arc. i do promise he will get better but. that doesnt really fix what he's done in the past.)
and all of this is like. it fucking sucks for the people around asriel. in hurting himself he's hurting his loved ones--it pushes dess away, and that relationship is never going to be the same. even when asriel realizes how he fucked up i dont think dess really forgives him. because if asriel had just believed her, or at least even if he didnt actually took her seriously and tried to help, shes like. things wouldve gone differently. and asriel knows this too.
and then when it comes to NOELLE, well. asriel's always been very overprotective of her. terrified the world is going to hurt her. and so when noelle starts experiencing things, things she cant tell if theyre real or not...
she doesnt tell him. she doesnt tell anybody. she keeps it all to herself, and this means its a hell of a lot easier for the player/red soul to manipulate her. and nobody finds out until its too late.
#ask#drkau#hi welcome to the reveal of a real big thing this au is about that i havent mentioned anywhere yet <3#unless youre one of two people in which case hey. hey guys.#but yeah uh. ive had some thoughts. about what i want to do. try to say.#about prophecy and how that relates to This World Here#and yes the only place i can say those things is in a deltarune au <3 i love my life#also STARSHIP IRIS S3 YES. I SAW. SO EXCITED.#also also. writing this it hit me that holy shit asriel is the monster in 'human monster prince from the dark' isnt he. fuck. god.#GOD BC. if this is all tying back into prophecy...we get the red soul upholding it...azzy upholding it..and ralsei who was supposed to#but shes the one who BREAKS IT. oh my god. okay lemme write this down love having banger ideas in the tags
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