missingpage5
I'm irrelevant
Addie | 24 | Skateboards are dangerous | insta @ivegrownup | This blog is a mess. It used to be run by 2 more gorgeous women. Now it's just me. It's been a while.
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So seeing as I’m a useless teenager again, is there anybody out there?
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amar a muerte - *blasts “eso es amor” in the background*
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To The One Who Will Love Me Next
First of all, thank you. Thank you for existing. I appreciate you being out there, somewhere in this world. It's so not given after everything I've been through. Yes, this is a subtle hint that I am carrying quite a heavy baggage with me - don't say I didn't warn you. I made some mistakes in the past and you'll probably know all about them, but it's important that you know that they do not define me and who I am. I am exactly everything you'll see before your eyes. "We're always learning in this life," as I always say.
There are a few other things that might be important for you to know...
You will probably realize rather quickly that I am used to being the big spoon, and I really do enjoy this title, but there may be situations in which I will let you go in the middle of the night and turn to the other side, just because I might start to feel less comfortable, and if I don't change position the blood flow might stop in one of those loving arms that will be wrapping you. If you wake up, please feel free to claim my title. It will surprise me and warm me up on the inside in a way that I can not explain. I really like hugs, in general. Just so you know.
My confidence has grown a lot recently because I've been working on it a lot and I've really taken time to take care of myself, and even though I'm not really looking for approvals from anyone anymore, I won't deny - a good word will always be on point. I'm very uplifting in my nature, and I often forget what it's like when it's the other way around. Thank you in advance. Again, this too will not be taken for granted.
If there is something I learned from my mother it’s to worry, so when I ask you to tell me that you have arrived safely to places, do not get angry with me. It comes from a good place, from the bottom of my heart.
I like to break away sometimes and get lost in thoughts, to just think about life. To go out to the street, listen to music, go see the sunrise / sunset and take a sit at some isolated spot - preferably by the sea - to look at the sky, the waves, the people passing by. I'm a very sociable and loving person, but I also love and enjoy my alone time.
It's important for me that you know that I'll always want to be there for you, but I won't always be able to. You'll be a very important part of my life, but you can not be everything. You will be part of my definition of "everything". I will not allow myself to lose myself again, and there may be certain "growing pains" in an attempt to find balance, being an all-in kind of person by nature. I'm gonna need us to work on it together. I'm gonna need us to want to understand each other, to contain each other, to empower each other. I'm gonna need for our communication to be open and honest. That even when we fight, we will end each fight with a smile, with laughter and with love. With insights that we can implement later on.
It is very important for me that you know that no matter what happens between us, I will always appreciate you, and I will always want to know that you exist somewhere in this world. And if for some reason you can not stay, do not worry about it - I'll completely understand that, as it's just another part of life.
But it is very important for me to ask,
That you keep the door open as you go,
For the one who will love me next.
Thank you in advance for everything you will teach me.
Yours truly,
But mostly mine,
Me.
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Staring at my phone
Looking to see if you still exist in this world
Looking to see if you’re still there after all
I’m staring but you know I can’t say a word
Listening to what
I said to you when you were there in Japan
I listen to everything I felt at the time
I listen to all of it and then fall apart
And I wish that I could turn back time
To the day that I first looked into your eyes
Sitting here alone
Looking at pictures that we took in New York
Reading empty words I once wrote on my phone
They hunt me whenever I am on my own
Thinking of the times
When we used to fight and I made you cry
When I made you smile, and held you all night
This was never right, we were never right
And I wish that I could turn back time
To the day when I first looked into your eyes
Darling, please
Pick up your phone and say you miss me
Open your heart and please forgive me
I’ve loved you all along believe me
I’m begging you darling, darling, please
I’m begging you darling please release me
I’m begging you darling but you can’t hear me
I’m begging you darling, darling, please
Staring at my phone
Looking to see if you still exist in this world
But this was never right, we were never right
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I sit here and tell myself that I gotta move on, that I need to start making myself happy, that you truly don’t matter and that I can be without you. Then I fall asleep and dream of you, wake up in sweats, wake up in tears and it’s like everything I told myself is forgotton.
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“The sad truth is the truth is sad.”
— Lemony Snicket, The Hostile Hospital (via coral)
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A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world won’t make them leave.
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They were all my home for the past few months. Now I’m trying to find new homes all around, but nothing compares. Ugh.
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