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bellewintersroe · 11 months

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Daniel Ricciardo x HornerDaughter! Reader- smut

Part 7 of this series! Again, I’ll have to wait until this weekend for the Hungarian GP to continue writing which is annoying because I’m on a roll, but this is just a quick in between to feed all you thirsty people 😈

@allabouthappiness @benbarneslut @dinodumbass @ricciardhoe-3

Daniel finds himself missing y/n a little more than he figured. His desperation boils over the night before he’s supposed to see her again, and facetime sex ensues… angst follows when Daniel is starting to understand he may be too invested than what he initially realised…

no this gif is genuinely the sexiest thing I have ever seen oh my fucking god

Daniel was insanely happy to be returning to the F1 grid again. To be driving on the track again, and most exciting, in Las Vegas, filled him with utter joy. After the year he had before this was a breath of fresh air.

Daniel remained occupied through the days, training, eating, exercising, meetings, more training. He was always busied up. However when the clock would strike 9 and he was in bed early his mind would often linger to the girl back in England. They’d texted more often, but the craving wasn’t enough for Daniel, he wanted to see her, hug her, kiss her- his feelings had intensified and he’d finally admitted it to himself how he was falling for her. Maybe it was stupid, but Daniel ignored the consequences, too caught up in the bliss of utter happiness he felt whenever he had her close.

The night before he’d be seeing her again, he felt like he was about to burst from excitement. Like a little kid knowing they would be going on holiday the next day, Daniel couldn’t sleep a wink, thinking about her. His hands clicked on his camera roll, scrolling through the few pictures he’d taken of and with her. The playful one of them in bed he’d taken just to tease her, the other on the balcony of Monaco, when the view was beautiful but Daniel was actually just looking at her- and finally the one when he was inside her.

Fuck, he stared a little more intensely at the picture of him, his cock pressed inside her tight, little cunt as she pressed her perky tits together whilst one hand reached down to hold his. Her smaller fingers curled around his on her leg, only then did he truly see the intimacy in it. The way she’d often reach out for Daniel’s hands during sex, or when he’d have his mouth and lips pushed up against her pussy. Daniel knew he was getting turned on by it, and cheekily sent her the picture. It was 10 past midnight where Daniel was, meaning she was an hour behind in England. He hoped she was awake. Her day had seemed hectic, back in the office for a job Daniel never even knew she had. Momentarily, he felt guilt for texting her, possibly waking her up, but smiled when he saw her response.

Nice, Daniel What're you doing looking through those pics at this time?

Nothing much Daniel cheeked back, smiling like an idiot to his phone as he clicked on the imagine once more. Fuck, her body looked good, if only he had a picture of her face it would be 10x better. He had the genius idea of FaceTiming her, he didn’t think a phone call would cut it, he wanted to see her face, even without any sexual intentions. He missed her face.

Suree I believe that

Can I call you? sure With that Daniel was clicking the FaceTime option, as she let it ring for a moment before answering, not wanting to seem too eager. “You said call, not FaceTime.” She propped herself up in bed slightly, pulling the covers to hide her exposed chest. Not that she minded Daniel seeing. “Sorry.” He laughed gently, her eyes softening at the sound of his voice.

“Same thing.” Daniel added. “Yeah, apart from now you have to see how much of a mess I look.”

“You don’t.” Daniel frowned. “What’re you wearing?” He asked, out of genuine curiosity. “Oh! That’s why you wanted to face time me!” She’d teased, pulling her blanket up a little higher.

“No!” Daniels eyes widened. “Well I was thinking about you- I won’t lie, but I did wanna.. just FaceTime you.”

“Hmm.” She smiled, rolling onto her side and holding the phone in front of her. A warmth spread through her chest at his admission. “You were thinking about that picture as well?” She pointed out as his lips twitched up uncontrollably.

“No…” ”You’re a naughty boy, Daniel Ricciardo.” She flirted as the worst went straight to his cock. He let out a shameful giggle, resting his arm over my forehead. “I can’t help it, it’s so sexy. You’re so sexy.” He pointed out as she bit down on her lip.

“What’re you wearing then? Show me first.” She sat up straighter, propping the phone on a pillow ahead of her. An excitement bubbled in her stomach when he angled the phone down, revealing nothing but a black pair of underwear that he toyed with, with his free hand. His abs were delicious and she could see the slight bulge forming in his shorts. Sadly, it was harder to tell on camera than in person and she let out a sigh as she swooned.

“You look good.” She gently spoke as Daniel hummed, quick to point the screen back up to him so he could see her now. “Are you hard?” She giggled, Daniel glancing down.

“Almost- your turn, what’re you wearing?” He quickly bounced over the answer as she let out a soft laugh, angling the phone up. “Just my bed sheets.”

“Fuck, nothing else?” Daniel’s member twitched at the thought and anticipation of what was to come. “I have thongs on.” ”That means something different in Australia…” “Oh, sorry, underwear.” She teased.

“Show me.” Daniel was a little too eager as she bit down on her lip. “Where’s the fun in that, I gotta tease you first, no?” Daniels hand trailed down to his cock, giving it a squeeze as his large member continued growing from all the blood rushing there.

“Fuck, no teasing, y/n/n.” He insisted, slipping a hand under his boxers. “Are you touching yourself already?” She hummed out in an angelic tone as Daniel nodded. “Maybe.”

“Good.” Her voice lowered as she nudged the white sheet slowly down her tan skin, revealing her breasts first before showing the tiny little black, string thongs she wore. Daniel loved it when she wore black, she loved it when he wore black. Her hands pressed against her breasts, pushing them together slightly with a hum before a giggle passed her lips again. A

“I’ve got another hour before anybody’s home, Daniel.” She whispered. “Yeah?” He scanned over her face. “Yeah… but, I’ve never done this before.”

At her admission, Daniel’s hand retracted from his underwear. “We don’t have to do this.” He was quick to reassure. “No, I want to. I’ve been thinking about you all week.”

“Yeah?” Daniel perked up at this. “How so?” He nudged her on, knowing he’d have to take the lead so she wouldn’t feel awkward. He found it oddly exhilarating she was doing this with him for the first time. She let out a nervous giggle again, biting down on her acrylic thumbnail.

“Been watching all the videos you’ve sent me. Touching myself to them.” Daniel let out a moan at her admission as his hand found his cock again, stroking under his shorts. “Fuck, you have?” As his movements began again she could see the slight tensing of his arm as he rubbed his shaft.

“Yeah.” The sight turned her on more than anything. “Tell me what you want me to do, Daniel.” She when whispered, half for guidance, half because it turned her on.

“Fuck, okay- play with your nipples, baby, get them nice and sensitive.” He watched her follow his instructions, letting out a quick sigh at the sight of her fingers nipping at the pierced buds. She let out a gentle moan with a wince. “Lick your fingers, baby.” He uttered as she dampened her feelings before rolling them over her nipples once again the wet feeling being a whole new experience.

“Daniel.” She sighed, angling the phone down so he could see the buck of her hips. He stroked himself harder, faster at this now. “That’s it, make yourself feel really good for me.”

She hummed in response, eyes still fixated on Daniel’s heavy lids as she squeezed the swell of her breast, glancing down to see the little thongs she was wearing.

“You feeling good?” He then questioned causing her to glance back up. “Yeah… I wanna- I wanna see what you’re doing, Daniel.” She barely whispered, a shy smile forming on her face as Daniel smiled, nudging the camera down to reveal his hand stuffed under his underwear, stroking slowly.

“Does it feel good?” She sighed, sliding out of her underwear and tossing them to one side, instantly feeling more comfortable at the sensation of being completely nude. “Would feel better if it was you.” He admitted, giving his balls a quick squeeze as he watched her angling the phone to rest on some pillows at the end of the bed. She’d bent over slightly, squeezing her tits together and Daniel wished he could just shove his face all up into them. “It will be soon.” She hushed, sitting back against the head of the bed as Daniel let out a throaty moan at the sight of her naked. His cock twitched and he pointed the phone back down to where he rubbed himself. “Take them off Daniel, I wanna see you.” Listening, Daniel slipped out of them, tossing them to one side as she let out a hum, sliding her fingers over her clit. Daniel thought he could finish there and then, just at the sight of her.

“Get yourself nice and wet for me.” Daniel muttered lightly as she whined. “I already am… fuck I’ve been like this everyday.” She’d admitted, the confidence erupting from how turned on she’d become at the fact he was touching himself over her.

“So have I.” Daniel let out a shaky exhale, one that made her shudder as her eyes fell closed, before she caught a glimpse of herself in the phone and lifted it again. “I look weird like that.” She giggled, biting down on her thumb.

“No, no it was fuckin’ sexy.” Daniel responded as she blushed furiously. “I’ve got toys… my fingers aren’t cutting it.” She then perked, Daniel leaking at the thought of her using one on herself. His hand moved faster, watching her come back into the frame with a vibrator, part of it that went inside of her.

“Fuck, show me, baby.” He pleaded at the sound of her moaning. Angling it down, she showed as she slowly pushed the bigger part inside her tight little pussy, hips jolting at the instant pleasure before the other, smaller part, pressed against her clit perfectly.

“Fuck, Daniel!” She squeaked, body seizing at the pleasure. His hand worked harder as he groaned through his teeth. “Wish I was with you, fuck, I wish I was there.” The Australian cooed. “Me too.” She gasped, the phone back up briefly.

“Keep it there.” Daniel instructed as she set it up a little better, squeezing her tits together for him as she let out an uncontrollable gasp, snatching at the pillows behind her. “Fuck, fuck.” She choked out as Daniel tugged on his shaft even faster. “I won’t last long.” She then admitted with a shy giggle, the intense pleasure being completely overwhelming. “Fuck.” Her head tossed back as Daniel automatically leaned his head to be able to see her- like he was there with her. “Shit, y/n look at the camera, look at me.” He spoke more firmly now as she did as she was told, crying out in ecstasy as she gripped onto her nipples. She was doing everything right, everything so good, Daniel knew he couldn’t last long like this.

“Show me- show me, Daniel, please.” She pleaded as he instantly switched the phone camera, showing the way his fucked himself into his hand. “Spit on your hand.” She choked out as he groaned, doing as she’d said and moving back to jerk himself off.

The wet sounds his cock now made was unimaginably sexy, every time he’d slide his hand over his sensitive tip, his thighs would tense and body would rattle from the sensitivity. It was beginning to push her over the edge, the sight of him and the feeling from the vibrator deep inside of her pussy.

“Fuck, I need you.” He cursed as she moaned out louder now, back beginning to arch. “I need your cunt so fuckin’ bad.” He borderline snarled as she sobbed out loud. “Please, please, Daniel, I’m gonna cum!” He felt himself moan at her words, dropping his head back as he felt an insatiable need eating him alive.

“Cum with me.” Daniel jerked his hips up, fucking them into his hand as he fastened his pace to an overwhelming speed, letting out soft grunts and moans, unable to hold anything back. Not when she looked that sexy, that good- not when he wanted to just bury his face deep inside that tight pussy of hers. Daniel watched her intensely, the way her hand came to hold onto the vibrator that was sending her over the edge, her skin looked so smooth and soft and tits looked so full- he wanted them in his mouth, most of all he wanted his cock between them.

“You ready?” He then cursed out, holding his breath as he felt his orgasm building up deep inside his abdomen. “Yeah!” She barely exclaimed, legs trembling as she was right on edge, waiting for his permission to cum. Daniels breathing became heavy, a groan escaping his mouth, as he began shooting his cum all over his hands, thighs and abs. The sight alone, never mind the sound, overwhelmed her senses and she came undone almost painfully hard with desperate pleas and whimpers of his name. It felt like the orgasm was never ending, she rode it through with Daniel's words of encouragement and soft little gasps before the vibrations became too much for her sensitive pussy. She pulled it out, it easily sliding from how wet she was, switxhinf it off and picking up the phone to hold above her tiredly. "Fuck, Daniel." She pouted, pussy still throbbing as she kept a light touch down there, milking her orgasm, as she looked over Daniel basked in a post orgasm glow. His hand had milked his cock now, pumping the last of his cum, feeling dizzy at how good she looked. It was quiet for a moment, both of them panting and exhaling harshly, coming down from the heated moment. She found it a little funny, somehow intimate, despite him being on a screen.

"You did good." He then hushed, head resting back into the pillow, watching her smile back to him, nuzzling the side of her face into the pillow slightly, giggling at the praise. "I wish I was there with you." He'd muttered as an even wider smile grew on her flushed cheeks. God, she was so painfully beautiful and sweet, Daniel liked that his words made her smile, it made him feel oddly complete. He’d never stop talking if it meant she looked at him like that always. "I wish you were here too, but… I'll see you tomorrow." she whispered, Daniel letting his cock grow soft in his hands, he wished he was growing soft inside of her instead. His eyes were following hers on the screen, admiring her worn out expression, blue eyes a little more hidden than usual from her tired eyelids. "I missed ya." He then admitted as she looked back to his sweet face on the screen. His cheeks were flushed pink and he had a shiny sheen of sweat over his face and chest. It was a sight to see. "I missed you." Shyly, she spoke the words, feeling that strange warmth in her chest. I like you, Daniel. Isn't it obvious? Part of her wanted to openly say that to him, I mean, surely he wouldn’t say he missed her if he didn’t like her?

“I gotta clean up, bear with me.” The two of them were away from the camera for a mere two minutes. She’d half expected him to disappear after that, end the call with a tired goodbye, but he came back, chatting about all kinds of nonsense with her.

“Hey, y/n?” Daniel muttered, causing her to jump up slightly, eyes fluttering open. “Mmmh?” She was too tired to speak. Daniel, however was tormented, kept awake with the constant urge to express his feelings to her. He didn’t know why he couldn’t say it, but fuck, he was falling for her- quickly. “Never mind.” He whispered, that slight something holding him back.

“Sorry for waking you..” she let out another hum in response, thinking nothing of his words before she relaxed back into the plush of her pillow again, sinking into a well deserved slumber.

When the call had ended, Daniel laid staring at the roof. That warm fuzzy feeling was undeniable, but there was a sense of anxiety and guilt that kept his chest tight, making it hard to breathe. How could he express his feelings and get them out in the open whilst remaining a ‘secret’? How would that work? Maybe they could ease their way into soft launching one another- but Daniel questioned how he’d ever be able to take her out on a date with the threat of her dad thinking their relationship was weird as hell.

What if she wanted to be open about this? Tell her dad? Or worst of all- if she wanted to keep Daniel a secret… he felt sick at the thought of continuing the secretive relationship, with it not actually going anywhere. Because it couldn’t- he’d got himself too far invested in her- with them- “Fuck.” He rubbed his face, overwhelmed by his racing mind.

Maybe he’d fucked up sleeping with her in the first place. Maybe he shouldn’t have followed her into that changing room, or been looking at her the way he had for the past 6 months of being close to her. He felt like whatever was going to happen would hurt, bad, but knowing he’d upset her absolutely killed him. But god, she was so beautiful and so perfect, he truly believed that if they were together they’d be amazing. If there was no boundaries, then he’d be taking her out every second of the day, showing her off- but fuck! There was boundaries, Daniel was officially torn.

#daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo smut #daniel ricciardo x reader smut #daniel ricciardo x reader #Daniel Ricciardo x Horner daughter

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tickitytockityrattityrottity · 15 days

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Writer asks!! ♥️ 8 and 24 ♥️

8: fic I would do a sequel for

I'd like to do another Rolan/Tower fic. One with Rolan upgrading the tower and touching its runes and stuff.

I also want to do a sequel to I Will Bury You In Diamonds, exploring the other tieflings Ethel and Guex "saved". How did they survive the Shadow Cursed lands, have they figured out that she cursed them, will they figure it out before the time runs out. Etc

24: recharging when I'm not feeling creative

This got long, sorry.

It depends on the energy of the lack of creativity.

Exhaustion:

If I'm genuinely tired I take a break. The longest break I've taken was over a month. I think of creating like exercise; if you over train you need to recover. I also like to think of ideas as seeds. Sometimes they need to incubate a little before they sprout.

On breaks, I like to go out a lot and people watch at bars, breweries (although I really try to not use any drugs for creating), parks, cafes, shopping centers, etc. Sometimes I run into people who like to talk, which is great, because I like to listen. I walk a lot, daydream, exercise, do something destructive (yard work, cleaning, stomping cans), try out new skills, etc. It's hard to write experiences when you haven't had any.

Right now, though, I'm challenging myself to put out a short story or chapter every week this year, which means I don't have the luxury of long breaks (and I miss them. Writing for quantity is a whole different animal, and I'm not sure I like it, even though I'm learning a lot).

I've really started prioritizing short breaks to compensate, and really indulging in writing when the opportunity hits. I've also been prioritizing editing less.

If I'm just struggling:

If I just don't want to write part of the story, I write it anyway. I slog through it and it might be crap but at least it's done. Then once I have that no longer clogging up the brain pipes, I find other writing comes easier. I find sprints/the Pomodoro technique really helpful here.

Sometimes I'm not feeling creative because the scene I'm writing is dead. So I just end it. Most scenes are only a line away from ending, anyway.

I've had success writing a scene from another character's POV.

Sometimes I delete scenes and rewrite them from scratch. I'm a big believer that writing cannot get worse, haha, and that if something was important or a heavy hitter I'll write it again.

And, my favorite, if I'm stuck on plot, I like to write an idea. Then a different one. Then a different one. The idea came from a post I saw about drawing 50(?) thumbnails for every illustration, because your first 10-ish are just going to be you pulling out your normal fall backs. So by generating a dozen or so ideas I'll hopefully find one I resonate with.

Here's a sample from a fic I'm working on, you can see the ideas getting a little wilder and more out there towards the end. I write down every idea, even bad ones, because sometimes those spawn good ones. Example under the cut

Mol helps because…

She wants a sorcerer on her side

She feels bad

She is forced to by nine-fingers

She is forced by raphael

Thinks this will get her the power to be above nine-fingers OR power from Raphael

The lulz

Arabella pays her

Arabella threatens her

She, too, wants someone back (who?)

She wants to show off/is arrogant

She was going there anyway

---To steal something

---To hide something

---To learn something

One of the targets knows something she wants to know

She wants Arabella to owe her big

She didn't kill them, but she's claiming it to seem tough

She didn't kill them and she's clearing her name

She killed them by swapping out certain supplies per Raphael's instructions and needs to hide that

She is missing a key thing and suspects she can trick Arabella into getting it for her

She regrets breaking up the team and wants her friends back

She is cleaning up loose ends and this is a good job for people to disappear on

#questions and answers

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evakuality · 1 year

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Matteo - episode nine

It’s been an incredibly long time and this has been sitting in my drafts for a ridiculous amount of that time. But I’m about to hit play on the DEB thingy for an anniversary rewatch so I figured I should probably finish off these posts which I was doing last time I was using DEB to watch this season. So here it is!

Clip one - Every time I see this clip my hearts just gets a little melty/melancholy/sweet/sad/aching/happy because of that damn song. I genuinely love how Druck uses this song this season. How when Matteo wants to feel close to David he plays it. How last time he was playing it because he felt like they’d connected without realising it was David's goodbye, and how now he’s playing it after they reconnected but now things are shit for David and so he’s immersing himself in what he can. I just... this song hurts my heart, okay, and I don’t care that it’s super cliche. And then there’s the fact that Matteo is literally in the open, no more hiding, trying to nurture himself, but making a hash job of it. Like the intent is there, but the execution is lacking. But then the symbolism of the whole ‘family’ sharing the food and being together. This clip is not perfect but it makes me so emo.

I like that the squad want to try to help with David, but their suggestions are so tone deaf. Like, be supportive yes, but do it in a way that allows the victim some agency. But of course, this allows Matteo to be able to say that himself. That actually none of them get to be the ones who can say what David might want or needs, and that David should be at the centre of the whole business. I just love him and how far he’s come. This closed off child who couldn’t stand up for himself manages to stand up for his boy and it’s delightful.

Clip two - I really like that Matteo tries to go to David, but that he ends up talking with Laura instead. She’s such a good sister to him, and her care is really obvious. I like to think that this scene is partly why she’s so happy to see Matteo in episode 10. She knows he cares, that he wants to reach out and be there and help David, but that he’s willing to accept her advice. This isn’t the boy who came earlier and tried to push his wishes onto the situation, and I think she sees that he cares as much as she does. And of course, the message from Matteo’s mother really just adds something nice to it all. I really like that his reaction to it is just a small smile. Unlike Isak who was in the depths of despair when he got his text from his mother and thus it allows him the catharsis of crying, Matteo is in a different place. He needed something different. She wants to meet with him and with David and that level of acceptance is very important to him. It’s a tie back to the ‘finding my way home’ vibes in the last episode and serves as a nice bridge to the church clip that’s coming up.

Clip three - There are two things I love about this clip. First, that Amira is allowed to be open about Ramadan and how it affects her and her life in a really natural way. It’s lovely that it’s just treated as a normal and natural part of the everyday life of these characters. The other is just how much it shows Matteo’s progress in his relationships, both with his friends (symbolised by Amira) and in romance (David of course). Matteo allows himself to be vulnerable and open with Amira in a way that he hasn’t really been able to be at the start of the season. He admits that he doesn’t feel prepared and that he’s ‘fucked’ to her, and the two of them are able to be connected in a way that works for them now. Back in episode six, Amira’s way of dealing with Matteo didn’t work but here it works. It shows that a) Matteo is more relaxed and b) that Amira is fairly good at connecting to him, but she failed earlier because he was in a bad place. Plus ‘I believe in you ... now you need to start believing in yourself’ is such an important comment. He is doing this already in most facets of his life, but his school work is still one thing that hasn’t got to. So this is something he needs to hear, and that Amira is saying this is important because she clearly knows her stuff and she doesn’t sugar coat it. Which makes her approval mean that much more to him. It’s nice. Both that he’s able to express those fears and that she is able to help him with it, and he tries to reciprocate - and she tells him stuff that’s affecting her. I like that he’s making these connections more easily now and is starting to be more checked in to his own life and other’s as well. Then of course, he’s learned not to push David. After episode 5′s disaster, he’s had to learn to give David time and space, to think about the needs of his partner and not just himself (something he also failed to do with Sara) and we see it even more here. Instead of calling or attempting to go to David again, Matteo sends a voice message. It’s both making a connection and letting David know Matteo is still here for him and also not pushing. David can choose to respond if he wants or not. It’s good that Matteo has learned to be more thoughtful outside of himself and his reward is, of course, that David does send a message back just as he goes into the exam, sending luck and telling Matteo when he will be home. So he’s able to have the connection he needs but it’s in a way that doesn’t feel pressured to David.

Clip four - I love this clip so much. There’s just something really bittersweet in finishing school. It’s such a milestone and there’s a sense of freedom and escape but there’s also that sense of loss - of losing something that’s been such a constant in life for so long and this clip handles it so well. There’s a beautiful balance between these two feelings with the boys. And then we get the really lovely bit where Matteo, who is of course still concerned about David, asks Abdi about it and gets reassured that he’s ‘doing it right, chill’ and it’s stressed again that David gets to decide for himself where he wants to be and who he wants to be with. Matteo, while having come such a long way and definitely respecting David’s wishes, still has the urge to rush in after him. He knows staying away is the right thing to do and yet his entire nature still rebels against it. Plus, I think he’d like to be sharing this moment with the other important guy in his life. These guys are ‘the best friends one can have’ and yet it’s not feeling complete to Matteo. The ache of leaving school and having all this coming to an end (and perhaps the looming worry about needing to decide what to do with his life which has been such a constant fear for him all season) is compounded by the absence of the person he felt most comfortable discussing those things with. It’s also telling that he’s chosen Abdi to discuss this with. There’s not been a suggestion that these two are particularly close, and you’d expect Matteo to choose Jonas to talk to, and yet he’s become so much more open and willing to expose his thoughts that he’s happy to talk about this with other people in his circle.

Clip five - This one is a clip of two halves. The first half is beautiful with Matteo meeting up with his mother and receiving the love and affection from her he’s been craving for so long. And he’s able to do this in a place that’s caused him some anxiety for most of the season, her church. That he’s been open with her and she’s accepted him and reassured him that she still loves him has been such a big thing and this is the final seal on that for him. He’s hugged, wrapped in her arms and is able to let his emotions out with all the support of a parent that he needs. I wish we’d heard them talking just for realism’s sake, but the actual moment in the clip doesn’t really need it. Visually, the acting tied with the surroundings and the way it’s all shot means we know and understand what each is ‘saying’ without needing the words. It’s such a lovely moment that it’s a pity that it’s followed by a whole bunch of things which just fall a bit flat for me.

I understand intellectually that Matteo is holding himself back from going to David because he’s been told over and over again that he needs to let David choose how he wants to deal with everything and he has experienced exactly how damaging rushing in can be when David doesn’t want it. And yet... having Hans in his room for ‘oooh maybe David is there’ bait doesn’t work because it’s not in character for Hans to see Matteo panicking and not go to him to see what’s wrong. This whole part would have been stronger if Hans hadn’t been there and I also can’t imagine that Matteo would have just sat at home panicking. Laura has shared her concern about David, thus removing her ‘give him time’ message and I feel like at the very least he would have gone to see her. All that aside, though, the acting is still really good. We can sense Matteo’s rising panic alongside his determination to still give David the agency in the situation. It’s clearly very difficult for him to be in this situation and you can see his instincts to go in and solve the issue warring with his knowledge that David should be allowed to decide for himself, a message that has been hammered home over multiple clips just this episode. So overall it’s a good clip, it’s just got a few things that mute its impact for me.

Clip six - Again, I do understand why this clip exists: to show us that Matteo is still being proactive in the way that he thinks is best. He’s given David a message and told him where he’ll be and so he’s carrying through on it all while still allowing David to make the decision whether or not to engage. It all makes intellectual sense. And yet. Living through this when it aired was really really tough. Being told David would return on Thursday only to be left with the unsatisfying ending to the previous clip, then thinking okay well perhaps Friday morning only to have him not there either??? It works in a full episode because while it builds tension it’s not unbearable. But in clip format this wait was really tough and so this really felt like a ‘filler’ and more ‘haha got you; he’s not really here’ which we have had at least 3 times this episode (clip one, clip five and now) and so it feels more like taunting the audience than like a genuinely necessary part of the episode. Still, it does its job which is to ramp up both Matteo’s fears and anxieties and the audience’s in the lead up to the final clip.

Clip seven - I have said so much about this one in a lot of different posts, so I’m just going to link to this post I made way way way back when the clip aired rather than rehash everything. I will just add that in hindsight there is so much to love about this reunion. I know people joke about how all the other evak couples do this gorgeous tender thing and these two scream at each other. But I really really love it. It’s totally in character for these two and more importantly it’s necessary. Matteo with his fear of abandonment is of course angry. He’s been told that he has to give David space and what that gets him is a boyfriend who almost cuts and runs without him. He feels like he’s done everything he was supposed to do and yet he still almost loses. That fear comes out in anger, which David doesn’t deserve and yet which allows him to break out of his own withdrawn fears and yell about his own issues. There are parts of this episode which I don’t feel are realistic or in character, but this part is both. Their anger, both of their anger, is believable and important and they both need to hear what the other is saying here. I like that they get to talk and no matter how angry it is, they both show that they care about each other and understand each other: David by inviting Matteo run away with him (something he has been reluctant to do in the past and which has always made Matteo fearful due to his worries about being abandoned) and Matteo by showing David that he understands the vampire stuff and the movie he loves and he sees right through to the heart of David and loves him anyway. It shows in an ironic way just how good they are for each other. Even in the middle of a screaming match where it seems like they’re not quite on the same page, they still kind of are at their core. Each of them still has what the other needs to feel supported and loved and needed.

#druck #og druck #it's been ages but here #have another really long exploration of a druck episode #I'm so emo about this episode #overall I really do love so much about it

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forfoxessake · 1 year

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March (2023)

It’s silly but I’m happy I managed to watch some recent works that I was interested in, I sometimes get trapped into watching what I think I should watch, and not what I want. I can say the same for books, although I’m still finding it difficult to truly focus for more than a few pages.

_________

8 films

Catherine Called Birdy (2022) - directed by Lena Dunham, Bella Ramsey is a coming-of-age story, with a lovely cast and a profound reflection on what is to be a woman, and how you can find yourself among all the many things expected of our “designated roles” in society. Bella truly shines here and I want her to do more diverse roles.

Disenchanted (2022) - I love the original film and was genuinely excited for this, the trailers looked fun, and I was disapointed by the quality delivered, it’s a good idea badly executed, and while Amy Adams is forever delightful, and especially when she is being bad, but it’s not enough to make this an enjoyable film, not even for a 10 year old.

Glass Life (2021) a short documentary insanely full of references, I could barely keep up with it and need to watch it at least 5 times more. But I loved it. It’s a reflection on our choices in regard to our daily life, our capitalism image-obsessed life.

Holy Spider (2022) directed by Ali Abbasi (who also directed two great The Last of Us episodes) it’s not an easy film to watch, a real-life story about a serial killer who targeted sex workers and used a religious belief to justify his killing. It doesn’t hide anything, it hurts to watch it, but it’s necessary, it can be like many other similar crime films that make it all seem glorious.

Happy Together (1997) directed by Wong Kar-wai I’m slowly going through his most famous work and loving the way his movies have textured, you can feel them with our of our senses. It’s love in a non-Hollywood way, it’s real.

A Quiet Place II (2020) The first one is so refreshingly good, unfortunately, the sequel is unnecessary, more of the same but not in a good interesting/captivating way.

Inherent Vice (2014) directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, this was the wrong movie to start watching on a long daytime flight back home, and it took me many weeks to finish it, and I won’t pretend to understand anything that was happening here, I’m not even sure we are supposed to understand anything.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) Pedro Pascal and Nicolas Cage have fun being meta. Paddington 2 is in fact the best movie ever.

_________

4 books

Anton Chekhov - read two of his plays, Uncle Vanya and The Cherry Garden, both really good works and now I need to watch “Drive My Car” again to better understand how they use the complexity of the play in the film's narrative.

Victor Hugo - Toilers of The Sea - I have read Moby Dick so I didn't think I could have a hard time reading something complex about the sea, and especially something written by Victor Hugo who does it so beautifully, but I just suffered silently until there was only 20% left and everything was sewed together beautifully.

Bernard Cornwell - The Last Kingdom (The Saxon Stories, #1) I love the Netflix series and postponed reading the books until it was all over, I wanted to focus on that, and not to confuse any divergent timelines or anything like that. Because I believe Cornwell is an exceptional historical/fantasy writer and I knew this was going to be good.

_________

3 tv series

Landscapers (2021) it’s a true crime mini-series that does a wonderful job integrating the main character's (Olivia Colman) fantasy of old Hollywood life into the narrative, making her seem almost innocent, and childlike. We almost forget that she did kill her parents and buried their bodies in their backyards.

Aftershock: Everest and the Nepal Earthquake (2022) a shocking natural disaster that leads to the worst of humanity. I saw this alongside the last few episodes of The Last of Us, and that helped me understand what they were trying to say.

The Last of Us (2023 -) already one of my favorite series ever, a brilliant first season, it says so much more than anyone was ever expecting. I’m not a fan of apocalypse-based fiction, and I give this a shot thinking that it sounded more than that, and I was right. There’s a lot more here than mushroom zombies, what is even more frightening is what we do as humans to survive, and how far we will go. It’s almost what we see on a smaller scale happen in Aftershock.

_________

Music

Vide - Hanging By the Bayou Light (2020) weirdly, this helps me focus on studying, I call it atmospheric black metal.

Comeback Kids - Heavy Steps (2022) I love when my friends recomend me stuff that fits my mood perfectly

Paramore - This is Why (2023) I gave this a try even though I have never really enjoyed their work, what made me listen to it was a vinyl reviewer tik toker that said this sounded almost nothing like their original work, more jazz than pop rock.

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anstarwar · 2 years

Note

I love we got to enjoy Coric and Leia canon-divergence for a whopping 4 days before Kenobi's ep 3 came out--

Have you seen it? May I ask after your thoughts on it?

Hope you're doing good!

- R2wedoomed's Anna :)

Hi @r2wedoomed !

I choose to believe Coric is still out there causing shenanigans. He helped them get to the ship secretly and then bounced back to his own ship to report into Rex who he saw *nods* Coric will meet back up with them later, with the dejarik table ready to go...he'll show up when they need him most like Batman XD

I have seen ep 3 yessss! Funny thing is I didn't know they had moved it back to Wednesdays so I woke up that morning seeing references to stuff that had happened in the show that didn't happen in the first two eps and was very confused...and then I checked internet and lo-and-behold they went and moved it on me! smh

Spoiler talk under the cut

Anyways, I LOVED IT! I am so so glad we're getting truly genuinely evil Vader, the Vader on which his reputation was built. The bits with him were so nasty (he broke that kids neck, ackkkk) and then burned our man Obi!

The bit when he said Quinlan...oh my god my heart hurt and was also happy for him because someone he knew, someone he grew up with, managed to survive also! Like I imagine his hope meter gained 10+ HP when he saw that!

And then when Reva...oh my...when Reva reached out to touch the Jedi Order symbol? Hello, this fuels my belief that she was one of the younglings and like part of her agenda going after Obi is cuz he symbolizes the Order to her, that he abandoned them when they needed him most (not by choice cuz war, Utapau, etc...but she angry and doesn't care to make distinctions). He symbolizes the loss of her family, everything she knew, her safety because if she was one of the younglings she was then tortured and manipulated into going to the Darkside

I think so far they are doing a great job with showing the transition from the strong confident Jedi that Obi was and his descent into the almost-fearful "I'm going to stay out of this as much as possible" hermit we see in the OT. This is not an original idea, but I am definitely in the camp of "Obi is amazing because he's suffered so much and remains kind and hopeful." And here we see him as losing hope and faith and just trying to survive. He wants to help, but I think he also blames himself so much for what's happened that he also just wants to crawl away and hide and be forgotten.

I think at the end of this all it's only going to strengthen his resolve to help Luke however he can, despite Owen's warnings to stay away (I mean obvies, this isn't a hot take cuz we see/it's implied he does just that in the OT lol)

I'm also enjoying the plot armor of knowing Leia and Obi-wan will get out of this situation, but they're also doing a great job with the suspense of "what will Reva do with Leia??"

I have so much more to say, but this is already way longer than you probably were expecting so I'll just cut it off here

Thanks for asking! Feel free to DM if you wanna chat about it more, would love to hear your though :)

#replies to asks #obi wan kenobi spoilers #spoilers #deep thoughts with kit #obi wan kenobi

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backdraft-bimbo · 2 years

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Actually, let's talk about Bruno

"I don't care what you think of me" on the surface level is a very pleasing line to hear from Bruno, especially since John Leguizamo did a great job delivering it with that grating, pent-up frustration and sadness we can all imagine he held toward his mother for so many years.

But delving into that deeper, I'm relieved they included that line since Bruno was still around to watch his name become taboo in the Madrigal household and see how his relatives put up their shields of pseudo-resentment and disdain in order to hide their true hurt and worry and regret at him leaving. I think Bruno was aware of their method of coping even as they became so vehemently opposed to speaking his name, but after long enough, he probably ended up wondering if they ever loved him in the first place, or if that love was purely replaced by resentment. (That's probably why he was so surprised when Alma and his siblings immediately hugged him and why he looked so hesitant revealing himself to them at the end of the movie.)

Not knowing if they loved him would've made coming home pretty hard. I honestly don't believe Bruno meant to leave for so long—10 years!—but it just became too hard to come back knowing that Alma would ask about his vision, and when—over time—it became impossible to tell if they wanted him back since they barely spoke of him.

I bet Alma was downright petrified by him leaving since she lost Pedro before, and slowly, over time, her fear turned to hurt. And when people are hurt, they end up saying things they don't mean, and their perception of a person long gone from their life can shift into something completely ridiculous ("seven-foot frame, rats along his back" kinda ridiculous). Alma's line, "Bruno didn't care about this family!" showcases this perfectly.

What makes Bruno such a satisfying character is that he has a very realistic span of emotion throughout the movie. He's not just played off as comic relief, but he does make the audience laugh with his personality and mannerisms. He gets his time to be silly, and it's clear he's self-aware of this because of his sarcasm in the line "My semi-real gift was acting." I really liked his sarcasm, since most animated characters characterized by a sarcastic sense of humor tend to be exaggerated (to a point that becomes unrealistic). But his smile and half–rolling his eyes and doing the air quotes made me instantly love him.

Bruno is the pinnacle of a misunderstood, estranged relative. After "We Don't Talk About Bruno", with all those misconceptions from the town, and the exaggerations from his relatives, the icing on the cake is that it's revealed that he's just...a genuinely good person. Like, Disney has their pretty predictable twist villain trope but then the writers for Encanto whipped out the Uno reverse card, and I respect that.

Bruno chose isolation and estrangement to protect his niece. Can you imagine that being the breaking point? I feel like if I had his power and had to live with people treating me like I was responsible for a bad vision, or living in fear of me, I would've left sooner than Bruno did. But he didn't even end up leaving for himself, he did it for Mirabel.

However, even though he's kindhearted, that doesn't mean the writers didn't allow him to show some bitterness at how the town and his family perceived him and his gift. Deep down, there was a part of Bruno that did leave for himself, and I get that. I understand how it feels to be the black sheep of the family, so there was just something so damn satisfying about the lines where Bruno actually mentions it.

"Oh, he's creepy and his vision killed my goldfish." "But I knew what everyone would think because I'm Bruno and everyone always assumes the worst." And then with Alma, "I don't care what you think of me!"

Chef's kiss.

#bruno madrigal #meta #encanto #alma madrigal #mine

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

the guy at the rock show

she/they reader x Spencer Reid

request for @boba-king-iroh ♥︎

summary: Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

warnings: fluff, mutual pining, getting together, love confessions, friends to lovers, idiots in love, PDA, secret relationships

word count: 5666

a/n: there will be a smutty part 2 eventually because I can't not do that

THE PLAYLIST THAT GOES WITH THEIR SETLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN WHILE YOU READ

Read on Ao3 here!

Taking Garcia’s last name wasn’t something they had to think hard about, Penelope basically raised them; she was like a sister, a best friend and a mother, even a bit of a fairy godmother to Y/N.

They met when Y/N was 17, they were sitting at a support group for dead parents in D.C. Right beside the lovely, overly cheerful, always helpful, Penelope Garcia. At first, Y/N couldn’t stand her, wondering how a person like that could be running a group for mourning people, it made her sick.

It wasn’t until she heard Penelope’s story for the first time, knowing how similar it sounded to her own and how, actually, you can take your grief and turn it into something beautiful. After the meeting, they pulled Penelope aside and gave her a big hug and a thank you.

It was the start of a lovely friendship, one Y/N didn’t know they needed until they were smothered in all the love you could possibly imagine.

The age gap between them wasn’t too big, Penelope was 10 years older than them which meant she was always one step ahead of Y/N and full of advice. Be it fashion, boys, girls and everything in between. They bonded in a way that was unbreakable, they were each other's family.

Penelope even helped her get into med school before she eventually switched to forensic science. Taking on the FBI academy, unlike Penelope, and joining the bureau officially. Penelope was there for her every single step of the way, making her career possible. She loved her dearly and wanted Y/N to succeed more than anyone in the world.

Getting to introduce herself to people as Agent Y/N Garcia, not to be confused with technical analyst Garcia, was one of the best feelings in the world.

Not many people ever mistook them, however, for whatever Penelope was, Y/N was the exact opposite.

Y/N preferred all black everything, she didn’t enjoy partying or close contact or the in-your-face-ness of Penelope’s way of life, she loved her band and motorcycle and being alone. They were quote-unquote edgy, not just for effect, but because it was how they felt the most comfortable, it was who they were and they liked it that way.

They were possibly the best Forensic Specialist the FBI had, keeping her in DC for all the most important cases. Helping her avoid Penelope and the BAU team as much as possible. They were great people, she didn’t hate them at all, it was just a lot of energy that they didn’t have to give to 7 other people all day long.

Spencer was the only one she could tolerate. Rather, he was the one she wanted to spend the most time with, even more than Penelope. He understood Y/N in a way others didn’t.

He was also quiet, like them, he didn’t pick on them or call them mini Garcia, baby-baby girl, or infant as some of them started to call her more recently.

He called them Y/N, he talked to them about star trek whenever he was visiting Penny, and he respected their pronouns. Using both she and they interchangeably, when he spoke of them, unlike most people who only used she and her because it made more sense in their small brains.

However, she wasn’t the only one who got teased. Spencer did as well, almost more because he was around the BAU team constantly. She hated hearing them bully him, he didn’t even count it as bullying but it’s basically what it was sometimes.

They put him down, they didn’t clue him in on things, they called out his stims and didn’t let him finish his sentences, especially when it had to do with his hyper-fixations. He was the brightest light in the room and they just picked his brain till he wasn’t useful anymore, before trying to turn out the light. It made Y/N furious.

They got called Mr and misses genius when they were on a scene together, remembering the first time she ever had a case with the BAU which was also the first time she snapped at someone for being mean to Spencer.

Someone asked Spencer a serious question, to which he did his fucking job and answered. Giving as much detail as humanly possible, being the absolute genius he is and should be praised for, only to have Emily poke him in the cheek and say; “wow, he’s so life-like?”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a fucking human who deserves respect from the people who use his brain all day,” Y/N cursed under their breath from the crime scene, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leaving the sweetest man on earth to find them later and give them a hug. Thanking them for all that they do, and appreciating what he has to offer. That’s when she realized she liked him, more than just the guy who sometimes sleeps on her couch because he’s friends with her sister.

It was difficult being surrounded by men unlike Spencer, specifically the older men in her field who didn’t understand anything outside of money, guns, and violence. The worst part of the job being the politics in the background; the hierarchy and ass-kissing all because she worked in the nation's capital.

They were sure it was probably better in a smaller facility, a local police station where no one knew her and they could finally have some peace and quiet.

But she’d miss Penelope, and Spencer too for that matter.

At first, they’d hide in their room when Penelope brought him over for movie nights or when he crashed on the couch after bringing her home drunk from the bar. In the early days, she worried that he was going to be her new boyfriend, taking all of Penelope’s free time and leaving Y/N with nothing.

But then he started coming over all the time just to hang out, sitting on the couch with nothing to say, being the third wheel while Y/N and Penelope spent time together. For the last 7 years.

Over that time they had many conversations alone, she learned that he was really smart, he was a lot younger than most of the team because he blew through high school by the time he was 13, and he was genuinely the sweetest man in the whole entire world.

One time, Penelope was running late when Spencer showed up at the door with chips and candy, ready to watch his weekly movie with his friend. Only she wasn’t going to make it home in time, and Y/N didn’t want him to have to go back to his apartment all alone.

“You can come in and watch it with me if you wanted to?” She offered, smiling softly. “What was it you picked for tonight?”

“It was Penelope’s night to choose, so you can pick instead if you want?” Spencer offered right back, walking in like he owned the place.

He was more confident now than he was in the beginning, but that was probably because he was 23 and she was 18.

Back then he’d barely look at her and sometimes he’d shake when they made eye contact or when she got drunk and hugged him goodbye after a long night with Penelope. He was like that with Penny in the early days of their friendship too, apparently, so she didn’t feel too bad about it.

He warmed up eventually, making her wait 7 years for him to do something about the growing feelings they both shared.

“You like Marvel movies right?” She bit the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer. Watching him walk around the kitchen for a bowl that he could put his snacks in.

“Yeah they’re great, I haven’t watched past the second Thor, I think the next one is another Captain America?” he’s all smiles as he joins her on the couch, closer than normal, as close as he’d sit with Penelope, but then again she was a cuddler and Y/N wasn’t.

Sometimes Y/N would come out of her room to find Spencer’s head on Penelope’s lap, resting on a pillow as she ran her fingers through his hair to soothe his perfect mind after a long day. A few times she’s walked in on him crying or even sound asleep in her arms. They had a friendship Y/N admired, they were each other's person.

They comforted each other in the exact way they needed it; Penelope giving him the physical touch he craved and he would often compliment her. He was always telling her she was the best and buying her gifts to show his appreciation, calling her the most beautiful and smartest person he knew. He knew that she needed to hear it, needed the reassurance that she was still a good person and he made her believe it.

It made Y/N love him more seeing how much he cared for her sister.

“The winter soldier is the best!” She gushed, sitting close so they could share the chips as she waited for the movie to load up.

He was very quiet when he watched movies, smiling and laughing at the right parts but typically he paid so much attention it was like he was a statue. Y/N spent more time glancing at him than the actual movie.

“Is there something on my face?” Spencer asked, nervous when he noticed her glance at him for the 100th time that night.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she panicked lightly, swallowing quickly before looking away.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just think you’re fascinating,” she whispered because then she didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really count.

“Oh,” he smiled softly, leaving it at that and forcing his attention back on the movie.

After a while, Spencer started to get even closer. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat back almost on top of her, reaching an arm behind the couch so that Y/N was right against his side. He had done it with Penelope before, confident in this little living room, almost forgetting it was Y/N beside him.

Y/N rested her hand on his knee, rubbing her thumb over his jeans in a soft little circle as she pretended to watch the movie. More concerned with Spencer’s breathing and the feeling of his hand inching towards their shoulder than anything else.

Then they heard keys at the front door. Pulling away from each other quickly to curl up on opposite sides of the couch and pretend they weren’t just cuddling.

“Hey, you still came!” Penelope cheered, a little drunk from whatever she was doing before.

“I’d never miss a night with the Garcia’s,” Spencer smiled at her, looking calm and collected as ever while Y/N turned bright pink.

“Oh, I love Bucky! Oh my god let me go change and I’ll come watch too!”

That was just the first time they ended up cuddling, certainly not the last.

—

It wasn’t often that Penelope was too busy to spend time with Y/N, rather the contrary. Sometimes Y/N had to beg her to leave her be at certain events. Like when their band was playing at any of the local bars and Penny started inviting everyone she knew to come and watch her sister play.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, but Y/N loved her support.

When Y/N peaked her head out to see the crowd before a show, normally Penelope was sitting in the front with a drink and at least 4 friends, cheering and chanting their name, ready to rock out to their covers.

Tonight she didn’t see Penelope at all, she knew she wouldn’t, Penelope was in London visiting Emily with Derek for the second time in the past year, leaving no one to come to the monthly show Y/N’s band put on, or so she thought.

Spencer came all by himself.

He was sitting in the front, at a table with a bowl of pretzels and a ginger ale, not interested in the drinking or the socializing, just there to support Y/N. It made her feel giddy, like a schoolchild seeing their crush at recess.

It was so nice of him that it gave her butterflies, and normally that didn’t happen. They could go on and play a show in front of ten thousand people and feel nothing, but the second Spencer Reid was there to cheer them on, they were a mess.

“What song are we doing first again?” Y/N asked Evie, their lead singer and best friend outside of work.

“Who are they?”

Y/N was taken aback, “What?”

“You’ve never been nervous, who came to see you?” Evie clarified her question.

“No one, for fuck sake, I thought we left all the profilers at home tonight?” she sighed, shaking the nerves out of their body as they jumped up and down lightly.

They paced back and forth for a few minutes to wear down the nerves but only managing to make herself sweat to death and discard the leather jacket she always wore on stage. She walked in a circle aimlessly, remembering the setlist in their mind and how the spotlights typically made it so they couldn’t see the crowd anyway so it’s not like she could fuck up by making eye contact with him.

And it’s not like it was the first time he had seen her play, Spencer comes every month with Penelope, he liked a lot of the music they covered from when he was an emo teen in university. They’ve bonded over it before sharing albums and records back and forth, but she was still scared shitless at the prospect of him caring about her enough to come alone.

Especially when he hated being in situations like this in the first place.

It was their turn to go on, the manager of the bar gathering them and telling them to go on and so Y/N started walking towards the stage door, only to be pulled back harshly by Evie’s cold hands.

“Don’t forget your sticks, god who do you wanna fuck so bad it makes you this stupid?” She placed the drumsticks in Y/N’s hands, “get it together.”

“Sorry, it’s the guy in the sweater vest, front row,” they whispered in response, putting their head down and heading to the stage before she could tease them about it.

“The Forensic Lyricists are here once again folks!” The Manager introduced them to the crown, “get ready for them to dig up some classics!” Always the same dumb joke before every show.

Opening with crushcrushcrush by Paramore, thank god she remembered, it was an easy song to play as they warmed up and pushed the nerves away. They could play it in their sleep, with their eyes closed, and so that's what they did.

Eyes closed, mouthing the words as the adrenaline of the night took over the anxiety and made them go insane, like most nights. They didn’t need drinks or drugs to feel hyped at most shows, all she needed was a smile from penny and a good luck text from Spencer.

Playing by memory until she felt more confident and then getting into it. “They taped over your mouth, Scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies…”

“Crush, crush, crush, crush crush two, three, four!!” Y/N sung backup for each chorus, finally getting into it.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again.”

They tried their hardest to push the images of that night on the couch with Spencer out of their mind as they sang along, trying to harmonize and cover the backup for Evie as best as she could.

“Let’s be more than this now!”

She always took the bridge, as the drummer and the most passionate one, it only made sense. Y/N always got the crowd on their feet, roaring along as they jumped to the beat.

“Rock and roll, baby, Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about. Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? I need something to sing about! Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!”

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, let’s be more than, noOoo!”

She had a crush on Spencer fucking Reid and one now noticed as they tried their hardest to focus on the words when all that came to mind right now was his body heat and how good he smelled and how nice it was that he came to support them.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, Let’s be more than this, more than thiiiiiis, oooooooh, mmmmmmhmmm,” she sang the ending of the song along with Evie, their harmony sounding more perfect than any performance before.

Critics always said the performance is better when you mean the words you’re singing. With that, they accepted their crush on Doctor Spencer Reid after 7 long years of knowing him. They pushed through nerves so that they could go and see him after and do something about it, now that Penelope wasn’t home to tease her for it.

Leading right into Dear Maria, Count Me In. Their bass player, Kat taking the lead for her favourite song. Being an all ‘girl’ punk band was her idea, and now they all enjoyed taking turns singing their favourite songs in front of mostly strangers, once a month.

Every single song made her think of Spencer in some way as she remembered the rest of the set, it had 5 songs in total and each one included at least one reference to something she knew about Spencer.

It was hard to not think about him while he stood at the edge of the stage with everyone and bopped his head along to the beat, a smile growing on his face as he also noticed the little references to them in the songs.

The Rock Show by Blink182 was going to hit a little too close to home as she sang the words all but to him, making eye contact with him as he moved to the best spot to see them play, much like Penelope would do every time.

She didn’t realize how much this song actually represented her life before tonight, starting to sing her song alone while Spencer watched. Deciding on the spot to dedicate it to him in the most fucking obvious way possible, taking her chances because he must have come for a reason.

“Hanging out behind the club on the weekends. Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour, I remember that it's the first time that I saw him there!”

Spencer was smiling then, noticing the lyric change as they made eye contact, nodding along as he watched. Genuinely enjoying himself and the show, it was lovely to see. She couldn’t help but smile against the mic as she sang and played. Wondering how his face will change with the next verse she watched him from the corner of her eye.

Her bandmates turning to see her as they played their guitars, nodding in agreement at the lyric change, they knew what she was up to. It wasn’t the first time they used the stage to bring someone home with them.

“He's getting kicked out of school cause he's failing. I’m kinda nervous, cause I’m sure all his friends hate me! He’s the one, he'll always be there, I took his hand and I’ll make it I swear,

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!”

Spencer’s smile was priceless, it made them even more confident to sing all the words, wanting him with zero shame, it’s not like anyone who knew him would know about this.

“When we said we were gonna move to Vegas I remember the look your mother gave us 17 without a purpose or direction We don't owe anyone a fuckin’ explanation”

“Black and white picture of him on my wall, I waited for his call, he always kept me waiting, and if I ever got another chance I'd still ask him to dance, because he kept me waiting!”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town,”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” She had never been this passionate while playing this song in all the years they had played it together.

Her bandmates taking the lead singing, “with the guy at the rock show!”

“I’ll never forget you,” she sang in the middle of their chants, “I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget tonight, I’ll never forget tonight…”

She shot a wink at him before turning back in her seat to face the drum set the best way. The last two songs were Evie’s and Kat’s, she covered the backup vocals, making the occasional glance towards Spence as she thought of him.

Counting down the minutes till she could go see him.

Come a little closer by cage the elephant, an obvious title with lyrics that would clearly bring every memory of brushed hands against lower backs as they slipped past each other in crowded rooms, lingering as long as possible before they were gone again. Goodnight hugs when Penelope was already asleep and he could hold her a big longer and tighter, resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and breathed him in. And that night on the couch, not to mention all the mornings she walked in on him sleeping peacefully, brushing the hair out of his face, softly, in the hopes he didn’t wake up.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see, Come on, come on, come on, Things aren't always what they seem to be… Do you understand the things you been seein' Come on, come on, come on! Do you understand the things that you've been dreaming… Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!”

And even when he did she had a coffee ready for him when he sat up and smiled, giving them a few hours alone before Penelope would wake up. Talking all morning about star trek and dr. Who, smacking his knee as he made jokes that genuinely made them laugh while trying to keep her voice down so they didn’t wake Penelope.

Not many people made her feel like that in her life.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!” Staring at him, enticing him to do it the next time they had the chance.

The intro to I’d Do Anything by simple plan was one of her favourites to play, smiling wide as she began to drum as her best friends sang the words.

Waiting for the chorus to sing the words at Spencer, really sending the message, he wasn’t dumb, not in the slightest, he would get it. He had to, she had already been so obvious there was no turning back now.

“This could be the one last chance to make you understand,”

Her arms were starting to hurt as she played along with the most energy she has had in years, playing like a teenager whose parents just died and she needed to hit something, once again. It was freeing, playing with what she could only imagine was love in her chest instead of anger. It’s how she was supposed to play.

"I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won’t forget you,"

Focusing on the drumming and ignoring the lyrics as her bandmates covered the lyrics, letting her go hog fucking wild on the drum set, almost kicking the chair out from under herself as they kept going. Joining for the chorus again before beating the shit out of her drum set.

I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Na na na And I'd do anything for you Na na na Naaaaaaa

“I’d do anything!” She closed her eyes as she pushes the words past her vocal cords, again and again, passionately playing the drums as her hair flew all over the place, worried she might break the sticks as she played.

“Cause I know I won't forget yoooou!” She plays the end of the song, snapping the left drumstick in half before throwing the right one into the crowd, right into Spencer’s hand, sending him a wink before saying goodbye to the crowd.

Sweaty as hell from playing the drums, they brushed their long black hair back behind their ears and in a low ponytail so it would fit under her motorcycle helmet on the way home. Putting their leather jacket back on and heading into the main bar to find Spencer.

“Hey,” he smiled as she walked towards him, the drumstick now resting in his pocket as he approached her.

“I can’t believe you came here all by yourself?” Y/N laughed slightly before pulling him into a thank-you hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it, I’ve been coming for a year now, it’s always a great time,” his smile was perfect, his teeth were so white and straight and she wondered how they’d feel against her neck.

“It’s been that long?” She pretended that she didn’t notice, biting their lip as he ran the calculations in his mind.

He nodded with a soft, pressed-lipped smile, the Spencer classic. “Yep, it’s been exactly 14 months straight now.”

“I know you don’t like bars and loud noises and people you don’t know, or germs which makes this like a nightmare of yours I guess because of the close proximity of people and the germs being spread as everyone screams in a crowd,” she ranted before he was pulling her into another hug, “so this means a lot to me,” she finished her thought beside his ear for only him to hear.

“Anytime,” he whispered as he held her, his arm on her back and chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did you need a ride home?” She offered, thinking about how nice it would be for him to wrap his arms around their body as he sat behind her on Patsy, her motorcycle.

“Yeah, unless you wanted to go to your place and watch another movie? I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I’d love that, it’s been lonely while Penny’s gone,” a smile erupting on her face as she got the reference, “come on then.”

She took his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and dragging him backstage towards her locker. She had a space to keep her things for practice and other shows she did during the week, keeping an extra helmet and jacket in the locker for nights like this, however, normally it was a cute stranger. Not the man she’s been crushing on since she was a teenager.

“Oh, you brought Patsy,” Spencer’s face went white.

“Did you not want to ride her? Come on, everyone wants to ride her at least once,” Y/N teased him as she put the helmet in his free hand.

Her bandmates staring at her with proud smiles as she took the guy from the rock show home; the one in the sweater vest from the front, the one who was the most into the whole show, they both gave Y/N a wave and a smile as they slipped out the backstage door.

They walked out to the parking lot, still hand in hand with their helmets in the other. Stopping at her dark purple Suzuki GS650 GT, it was her most prized possession because it used to belong to her parents.

She put her hair in the right spot before putting the helmet on, sitting down and starting the engine, revving it for everyone in the lot to see as Spencer put his helmet on and threw a leg over the seat, nervous as ever.

He fit behind her perfectly, just enough room on the seat for his chest to press against her back as he placed his hands gingerly on her hips. It made her laugh.

“You’re going to want to hold on better than that pretty boy,” she teased him before revving the engine once more, kicking the kickstand up and speeding out of the parking lot.

Spencer gripped her tightly as she took off down the street, taking the longest route possible to her home. She didn’t hit a single red light for at least 5 blocks, zooming through traffic as Spencer squeezed the life out of her.

He felt amazing, his hands were so big as he fully wrapped around her, reaching around completely so his right hand was on her left hip and vice versa. He was so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back.

He was nervous, he flinched every time she turned and held on even tighter somehow.

So she did another lap of the block, around the park’s bend so she could lean the bike as far as possible as Spencer’s fingers dug into her hips fiercely. Breathing deep enough that she could hear him over the engine, but he wanted her to keep going. Not ready to let go of her yet, this is the closest they had ever been to each other.

When she finally pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, they bumped over the curb and his hand grazed Y/N’s boob, he pulled back so fast it was barely there, she just shook her head and laughed. Parking the bike and putting the kickstand back down.

Spencer let out a sigh, relaxing against her as he rested his chin on her shoulder again.

“Have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he laughed, his voice deep and dry from breathing with his mouth open, it was cute.

He got off first when his legs were finally able to work again, still vibrating from the rev of the engine he walked like Ariel when she got her legs. It was priceless, no one has reacted like that after getting a ride from them, not even Penelope.

She took her helmet off while still on the bike, shaking her hair out of the ponytail as provocatively as possible before getting off. Spencer’s jaw fell open once more as he watched, breathlessly, just as she expected.

Either he liked them before and never told them, or he was going to start now.

Either way, it excited Y/N to their core, taking his hand once more and leading him inside, this time they could be as close as they wanted to and no one was going to walk in on it. She stopped at her locked apartment door, looking at Spencer as softly as possible so he’d know her feelings were real.

“I know this will cause the teasing we already get to skyrocket, so if you wanted to keep it between us, I fully understand,” she whispered.

“Is that what you want?”

He was so sweet it made her heartache, never before had anyone made her feel like this; like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind, like an override in the system her brain and heart chose Spencer and there was no stopping them.

“I just told a whole bar of people that I’m in love with the guy at the rock show before taking you home in front of everyone,” she laughed, “I don’t care if people know, I just hate when they tease us, they belittle everything we do like we’re 17 forever, it’s not fun for me.”

“I hate it too,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly once more, “I’d like to keep you to myself for a while.”

She cupped his face in her hands and pulled in, pressing her lips against his as they both tried to repress their tightlipped smiles. Finally, finally kissing after all those years staring at each other's lips while they explained something, passionately as ever with the most attentive ears.

“Exactly, me too,” she smiled wider as she pulled back from him, unlocking the front door and pulling him inside for that movie he mentioned.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 (dm me if you want me to remove you)

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

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hmspogue · 3 years

Text

Outer Banks season 2 Official Trailer shot-by-shot rundown

A comprehensive post where I scream about analyze the entire trailer frame by frame for clues, theories, and plot. Just my own opinions and general tin foil-hatting

These are screenshots from Netflix’s trailer for Outer Banks season 2. I do not claim or own any of these.

note: this post is tagged as a long post if you wish to avoid having to scroll until your thumbs break.

“My old man used to tell me, ‘it’s best to never say you’ve hit rock bottom’.”

(Putting all of these shots together since they’re scenes we already know but-) Holy shit, okay let’s just....start off like this I guess, damn.

“'Trust me’, he said...”

Kiara looking back and forth between the boys like this really just feeds the headcanon I have that her form of grief this season is going to be her trying to hold it together for their sakes (and eventually just snapping).

JJ just looks fucking furious someone give these kids a hug? I already know this scene is going to ruin me.

“You can always go...”

JJ back working at the hotel. He looks literally so angry again in this scene I could see him self destructing at work and losing his job? (Please do not be isolating yourself you beautiful son of a bitch even though I know you’re going to).

Pope in the Twinkie (costuming wise they all are in warmer looking clothes for some of the shots, so just confirming it’s a little bit into the school year when this all takes place).

“Lower”

Big John was real big into pep talks, I see. (seriously can you imagine Big John having this conversation with like 8 year old John B after he fucking dropped his ice cream cone or some shit I shouldn’t be laughing).

I’m just-

These poor kids, I wanna know how the police all the way down in the Bahama’s knew about them?

Their calves....

“RUN!”

Are going to be so fucking jacked by the end of this season I stg.

Fuck you.

“The gold from the Royal Merchant....it’s here.”

For a while, I had thought that maybe they didn’t even make it to the Bahama’s at the front of the season and ended there (because everyone had been filming in there). But I guess they’re going to be making two trips.

If I were a bird from this POV I’d shit right on that house no questions asked.

oooooh ho hokay. Just so we’re clear. Ward Cameron not only get away with murder and about two dozen other felonies, but-

“Half a billion.”

HE STILL FINDS THE GOLD IN THE CRAIN HOUSE AND GETS TO KEEP IT?

Not the polo with the snap back, I just know this man has a playlist called Sad Boi Hours that is just Juice WRLD’s top 5 songs on Spotify and he tells his friends they wouldn’t know the underground artists he listens to.

Sh, you have lost screaming privileges. Go inside and take a nap maybe.

“John B, we are fugitives in a foreign country.”

So, previously, I was talking about how I was confused how they would still be trying to find him is everyone thought he was dead, but here the wanted poster clearly says “presumed lost at sea”. I think that will be interesting to see how the Pogues all interpret that.

Especially because they already had a memorial for John B and everything, I wonder if there will be any part of the Pogues holding out hope that they both could still be out there OUCH.

I’m going to circle back to this, but it looks like John B and Sarah are going to get separated for a little while in this man hunt, I could see my idiot himbo son trying to sacrifice himself so Sarah can get away but in reality just....stranding her.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”

Oh, sweetie....

“Well, Sarah Cameron, I do stupid things all the time without realizing it.”

The volume of his self awareness is astronomical. sir, that is your whole character summed up in your own words.

GOD, IT’S ME AGAIN. PLEASE LET THEM LEAN INTO COMPLETE HIMBO JOHN B THIS SEASON I’LL DO ANYTHING-

nyyooooOOOOOOOOOOOOM-

“Hold on!”

The complete abject terror I would feel having John Booker Routledge driving get-away and then saying the words “Hold on” while reaching fro the gear shift? The english language fails me.

Sarah, bestie, I’m so sorry.

I just wanna know-

what the plan or objective was in this situation. What was the reason for being this dramatic.

Rest in piss, bozo <3

“Ward’s still out there...”

Okay, same conversation they were having as before. I wonder what makes them decide they need to get back to the OBX for this tho.

“I can clear my name. This can all be over in one shot.”

It looks like Topper watching this but way more concerningly, correct me if I’m wrong but this 100% looks like....John B gets caught. And the DEATH PENALTY?! He did have a mug shot for the fliers in s1 and the one above but he was never brought in? Plus he just looks super dirty and dishevled in this one so I-

Jail break anyone?

I also still want to know if they’re going to go with a Topper redemption arc this season. like, does he know more than he should just from being around Rafe and his big fat mouth? Is he going to help out the Pogues even if it’s just for Sarah?

This shot just suddenly made me really sad. The thought of this all started because Big John left one last thing for his son to find, his literal life’s work. And when it all started, it was just a fun adventure John B and his best friends were going on together and having fun with. Then it all got dragged to absolute shit and turned into what it did, including the remaining 3 Pogues thinking that this treasure hunt took their two best friends away from them. And it’s nothing like Big John intended it to be.

Why my eyes wet?

Now we’re edging into what I was talking about earlier with John B and Sarah getting separated.

“If you think there is anything I wouldn’t do...”

Once again, John B is no where to be found. Also, just in case y’all didn’t already know or forgot Ward is an actual psychopath.

I believe this one of the new character, played by Jontavious Johnson (Stubbs). Based on the voice over it lowkey sounds like they’re implying Ward maybe hired Stubbs and Cleo to find and bring Sarah back. My theory would be I bet they do go to retrieve her, but she somehow convinces them that it would be more beneficial for them in the end to be on the Pogue’s side instead.

Miss Girl you gotta be keeping your head on a SWIVEL. Especially when you’re a FUGITIVE of the LAW-

“...you haven’t been paying attention.”

My guy, who are you clarifying this for?

It’s what you deserve for monologuing.

in all seriousness, the idea of them coming to face to face with Ward in Nassau after thinking they finally escaped him is genuinely terrifying.

“SARAH!”

It kind of looks like they’re either hiding their faces or covering their noses? I don’t know maybe it was from some tactic to get away from Ward.

What did I literally jsut say about yelling privileges, you unhinged mother fucker?

“I’m calling the shots now. I’m driving.”

The following progression of scenes made me actually snort-

“I can’t drive stick.”

PLEASE THE FINGER GUNS LAUNCHED ME INTO ORBIT I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOR.

Alright, so now it looks like we’re in Charleston. This is the same scene with Heyward’s truck that got leaked from BTS (read: JJ and Kie shoulder touch).

One of the main things that stuck out to me in the following scenes which, you will see, is it lowkey looks like Pope is kind of heading up this part of the operation, or even going in alone? The following clips are just very Pope focused.

I don’t know what it means, it’s just an observation.

“John B was not the only one that Ward double-crossed.”

LIMBRY-

Bro, we have been hearing about this woman for literal months and I just have....so many questions?

Who the hell is she? How is she connected to Ward? Why is she in South Carolina instead of the OBX? How do the Pogues even learn about her and how to track her down? How is she meant to “help” them? GAH I JUST WANNA KNOOOW. I already know I don’t trust her though and no I will not be offering up supporting evidence.

Sir, that is my son please unhand him.

“I think you know what I want.”

.......no? But feel....free to explain yourself?

The print on the paper is the same one that’s on the ceiling tiles in the following scene. Obviously, with a key on it that most likely goes to the place a few shots from now.

Hell yeah, son, let’s get SLEUTHING.

“The treasure belongs to the Pogues.”

DAMN STRAIGHT.

Bestie’s I’m not going to lie, I stared at this frame for a solid 10 minuets and I have no idea what it says on there I’m sorry. Someone in the comments is welcome to enlighten us.

“We gotta find it first.”

I can’t tell if that’s just dirt or if he hurt his head? But he look GOOD right now for one thing. For another, same outfit as the one in the Twinkie from the beginning of the trailer.

Look at her. LooK AT HER! LOOK! AT! HER! I MISSED HER SO MUCH even in that damn smiley face top that continues to haunt my waking hours she is in it so much and it stresses me out for literally no good reason I’m sorry-

I could literally cry right now and I think that speaks volumes to how little we actually see him genuinely happy. Have I mentioned how much I love that red hat?

Also, probably not that important, but this is not from the same scene as the shots of Pope and Kiara were. This is from the next one-

“Woogity-woogity?”

“Give me some woogity, baby!”

Yeah, this pushed me over the fucking edge, the way that they’re actually happy and laughing? The fact that they kept woogity-woogity and made it A Thing? Yes.

I am, however, going to be intentionally ignoring what appears to be the very intentional stagingof having such an obvious space between where Kiara and Pope are sitting adn where JJ sits, even including the level they’re sitting on because I don’t have the emotional capacity to face those implications right now. Thank you for your time.

Yes yeeeeEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIVE ME ALL OF THE SCENES OF THEM ACTUALLY GETTING TO BE TEENAGERS AND JUST BREATHE AND LAUGH AND HAVE A GOOD TIME AND NOT BE RUNNING FOR THEIR FUCKING LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!

before Rafe comes in and literally starts shooting because they can’t breathe for more than 7 seconds but we’ll....get to that.

They refer to Sarah as a Pogue this season or I burn Netflix to the ground. Your move, Jonas.

50 bucks says John B is driving the Twinkie again for the first time since being back.

I deadass think the Pogues JUST got Sarah and John B back and they’re just having the time of their life. Kie was in her smiley face outfit when Pope was in this one a few clips ago, and I still hold to the belief that that one still they released of JJ and Kie hopping over a fence is the Pogue reunion so-

Ward? I have no idea what he’s looking at behind the wall paper and I’ll be so honest I don’t care my eyes are only seeing Pogue content right now.

“This is a map of the whole island.”

This fit, when will John B learn how to operate buttons, stay tuned for season 5. Also my previous theory of this being their reunion outfits and stuff because Pope is in the back in the same jacket as before.

The plot thickens and so has JJ’s hair, Rudy drop the shampoo brand.

Please, dear God, tell me they’re back in the sex church. For @jiaaraa sake.

Kiara, your Madison is showing.

Okay, I really did try but all I can make out is Something to the tomb begin something something.

You’re welcome.

I am no expert but I do not believe boats operate on land.

John B looks like he is in the same outfit here that is in his mug shot we saw on the TV screen so I have a sneaking suspicion this is where he gets caught.

“John B is back-”

Once again with the damn sexual tension that’s always between Barry and Rafe in every scene they do are we about to kiss right now?

“-it’s him or me.”

First of all, no.

Second of all, I’m just....so very confused about this time line this season. It kind of looks like Ward and Rafe follow and find Sarah and John B in Nassau (unless those scenes by the truck were actually back in the OBX). So did they....go to Nassau, then just come right back when they did? I’m just confused.

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.

Literally when will you stop at this point I am begging you.

This looks like the same scene the Pogues were, ya know, literally just having a good time at so fuck me, I guess.

Yeah, no, it’s going to be a no from me, I’m just going to pretend like I’m not seeing this and moving on.

I have simply no idea what is going on here or who that is on the bike but maybe JJ? Maybe Luke even? I think that’s JJ’s bike.

The sewer scene. The SEWER SCENE-

For months sicne that tiktok leaked this damn scene has been genuinely all I could think about. So (obviously) it seems like they’re sending Kie down into the sewer to go do seomthing and things go horribly, horribly wrong.

If you haven’t seen the tiktok, essentially all it was was JJ and Pope screaming and trying to lift up the man hole cover while Kie is begging for them to hurry from inside. I’m cheating a little bit as this isn’t a shot from the trailer but this picture was posted and it’s from the same scene.

I’ll just....leave this here. Back to the trailer shots.

Nice. Also, same shirt as mugshot.

Hey, um, what?

Kiara’s car, she’s driving, I can’t tell who’s in the back seat or the front.

Holy God what is going on and how can I as an audience member put a stop to it?

So, same scene as we will see and was in the teaser but, for some reason, they’re all jumping off of a giant ass boat into the little life raft where it looks like JJ gets hurt later but don’t you worry we’re getting to that.

JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE THEY BOTH LOOK SO DAMN GOOD AND THEIR LITTLE SMILES SPARE ME-

Cleo 🥵

I’m so excited to see her arc and what it brings this season you guys have no idea.

Please for the love of God be about to get Ward Cameron’s ass like he deserves literally punt him into jail right from Tanny Hill.

Sarah at My Druther’s with what looks like a bloody bandage on her side? Same outfit she’s wearing when they’re running from the police on the beach and she has the bandage there too so. Interesting.

Topper hugging who I’m pretty sure is Sarah, being a general douche because he’s clearly looking at John B like 😏

Clips like these serve to remind me just how many of my worldly posessions I would gladly give up to be able to punch Topper Thorton in the throat one time.

I think this is Cleo jumping off the boat with Pope after John B and Sarah.

Absolutely busting a lung at Pope’s form in this one.

John B and Sarah waiting in the life raft, still Cleo and Pope coming after them. The obvious next question is where are JJ and Kiara. The scene I’m sure you all have been waiting for is coming up and clearly takes place in the life raft as well.

So, I really think JJ and Kie get left for last, something horrible happens as they’re trying to jump (my head instantly goes to JJ maybe like pushing Kie out of the way and getting hit on the head instead or even just some accident).

And, oh my GOD a scene of him falling off the boat after it happens and Kiara diving in after him immediately, having to desperatly try to stop him from sinkingand get to the life raft holy shit-

Girl CATCH HIM?????

Because why wouldn’t this be Rafe’s fault. Part of me wonders if this isn’t related to JJ being hurt.

I am going to try and unpack this as calmly as possible because behind my computer screen I am vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass but respectfully.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS TIAUEWFHLAILA

Okay, so scene wise, JJ’s hit his head somehow (probably while he was jumping with Kiara) it looks like and now they’re back on the raft.

In my opinion, this is either:

A) JJ is in really, really bad condition after getting hurt in the jump and they’re not sure he’s going to make it. So this is a “Please stay with me, stay awake, please don’t die” hug OR

B) They very narrowly just avoided a deadly situation (my first thought is JJ hits his head while jumping, passes out in the water, maybe almost drowns but Kie and the others get him onto the life raft in time) and this is more of a “Oh my God, you’re okay, you’re safe now, we’re okay” hug.

I honestly lean more to the second one based on the little bit of Sarah’s face we saw in the background. To me, it almost looked like she was smiling thru tears, which, fits way more with the second option than the first.

Anyways. Moving on before I burst a lung again.

(also, before anyone comes at me, no, I’m not happy JJ is hurt, obviously.

(Once again, arrest outfits). You can still see the bandage but it looks like Sarah’s limping now too so...good Lord give the girl a break maybe?

Everything in this trailer just went to shit so fast I think I have whip lash, can we go back to the Pogues hanging out and being happy now pkease I liked those scenes.

“I get it. You guys are scared.”

“No.”

She’s cute but, uh, hello sewer scene outfits. Seems like them planning to do whatever the hell they were going to do in the sewers but the boys are starting to get cold feet as maybe they should but hind sight is 20/20 I suppose.

“It’s kind of cute.”

“I’m not scared.”

“You should’ve just led with that.”

I will never be able to express how much I adore Pogue banter and general dumbassery and I have a feeling this season will not be lacking in either department

I high key don’t think these two are actually going to be there for this scene to go down but I’ll let it slide this time because-

They do be kinda cute.

It both feels like I’ve been waiting for this damn show for 3 years and also like I just watched season 1 last month explain that to me.

Either way holy shit. I missed this dumb show and these dumb kids so much it physcially hurts and WE GET THEM BACK IN T-MINUS 16 DAYS.

Also. Where The Hell Is Wheezie Cameron And When Will She Have The Rights She Deserves.

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behindheremeraldeyes · 3 years

Text

sasusaku month 2021 day 21 - flower

title: flower girl.

summary: Flower Shop AU - Sasuke works at his mother’s flower shop, and every Wednesday, this girl comes by to buy some flowers. Though he doesn’t know her name, he can’t help but be curious about her.

When he thinks about it, Wednesdays must be the busiest day of the week whenever he’s helping his mother at the shop. They start with his alarm forcing him out of bed at 4am so he and his brother can be at the shop before the clock strikes 5am. They take a 10-minute walk— 5 when they’re not that sleepy— make some coffee and wait a little for the truck that arrives with the fresh flowers.

Carefully, then, the brothers unload all the products and take them to his mother’s atelier behind the shop so, by the time she arrives, she can start working her magic into the flowers she loves so much. Mikoto puts the right flowers for the right pots, works on some orders and prepares some bouquets to put on display.

Everything has to be ready and perfect for when they finally open the shop for the clients at 7am.

Everything has to be ready before she arrives.

He’s sitting behind the counter today, playing a game on his phone, when his eyes slowly drift to the clock on the wall. It’s been at least 30 minutes since Itachi turned the sign to ‘open’, and any minute now he knows she will walkthrough that door so she can buy her weekly supply of flowers. For the last couple of months, she’s always their first customer every Wednesday, and he has no reason to believe today will be any different.

Seven more minutes pass, and finally, the bell rings, announcing that someone has entered the shop. His dark eyes immediately follow the sound, and he can’t ignore the slight sense of satisfaction that spreads across his chest when his dark eyes land on pink.

Right on time, he thinks.

From the corner of his eyes, he watches as she walks into the shop, her emerald eyes looking straight at the new hydrangeas. She’s wearing a green summer dress that falls just below her knees, and whose skirt dances freely around her legs. The strap of her small, white purse hangs on her right, sun-kissed shoulder and he notices the way her small fingers are delicately holding it. Her hair— always short and pink— is loosened, the tips just below her chin-line and a stubborn lock brushing her cheek.

Normally, he doesn’t pay that much attention to the people that come by the shop, but for a reason he can’t quite pinpoint, it’s different with her. Sure, she’s a beautiful client, and that alone is enough to catch his eye, but he knows himself well enough to know he’s better than that.

Something about her has caught his attention, to the point where he’s found himself waiting for her to arrive every week now. Perhaps he’s just grown curious over time. Seeing such a young girl almost religiously coming to the store to buy flowers makes him wonder about the actual reasons why she actually does that. Are those flowers for herself? Are they maybe for her mother or even her girlfriend? Not that it’s any of his business, but shouldn’t girls like her be receiving the flowers? Could it be that her boyfriend is that useless?

A sigh escapes his lips. He really doesn’t know why he even cares. He doesn’t know her name, to begin with. Even after helping her more than once, never before has Sasuke bothered to ask for it. It’s going to sound weird, or at least that’s what he tells his brother whenever they end up talking about her— and that happens more times than the young Uchiha dares to admit.

One day, perhaps, he might find out her name. For now, though, he will just continue calling her Flower Girl. It’s not the most creative or specific nickname, but it works just fine whenever he needs to talk about her or even judge the flowers she choses.

He likes to think it’s a good nickname. Besides, it’s not like anyone apart from him and his brother will ever know about this.

Sasuke finds himself resting his face on his right hand as his eyes unconsciously drift back to her. Itachi is showing her the lilies now, and apparently, he said something funny because she’s laughing at his words. For a second, then, she looks at where he’s standing and their eyes meet briefly before she looks back at his brother.

She seems to be in a good mood. There’s a contagious smile on her face, and he can’t help but let his lips twitch upward at that scene.

Eventually, Flower Girl chooses a bucket of blue hydrangeas and starts making her way towards the cashier. He straightens his posture, then, clearing his throat so he can properly greet her. In less than 10 seconds, she’s in front of him and she places the flowers on the counter. She mutters a soft ’hey’, to which he nods politely before proceeding to do his job.

“Would you like anything else?” He asks, cordially.

“No, thanks. Just the hydrangeas today.”

As he registers her products, he steals a glance and can’t help but notice the way her lips twitch as she waits for him. She’s playing with her hair, tugging it behind her ear, and softly, he sees the way her tongue comes out to wet her own lips. Flower Girl takes a deep breath, and it’s as if something ignites inside her eyes.

“Excuse me, but I have to ask…” Her voice comes out, a little too low at first, but eventually, it settles into a more consistent tone. His curiosity peaks, and immediately, he stops what he’s doing and turns to face her. “Are you Uchiha Sasuke?”

He’s confused for a moment, a blank expression spread across his face. His dark eyes are slightly widened as he looks at her face, failing when he tries to read her real intentions. Her eyes are even brighter from such a short distance, and he finds himself fighting the urge to just lose himself in those green pools of hers and in the way his name rolled out of her tongue. “Yes. Can I help you?”

“Oh, no, don’t worry. I don’t need your help or anything like that.” She starts, waving her hand in front of her face as to brush off any formalities. There’s a soft smile on her face, and he doesn’t miss the way her cheeks are weakly tinged in pink. “I was just making sure it was really you.”

“Well…” He starts, adjusting the name tag on his shirt. “That’s me.”

“Good. I guess that makes me your Flower Girl, then.”

Her words catch him completely by surprise, and it’s as if the entire world turns silent around him. His eyes widen, his lips part, and the first sound he registers after what feels like an eternity is his own heartbeat inside his chest. It’s slow, at first, to the point where he thinks it might suddenly stop, but eventually, it grows faster in what he concludes to be pure despair.

“W-what?” He asks, though he knows better than to believe he heard it wrong.

“Your Flower Girl.” She repeats, and even if he thought it wasn’t possible, he starts to feel worse.

His chest grows inconveniently warmer, the heat spreading all the way up to the tips of his ears. His throat is dry, but that doesn’t bother him because Sasuke can’t find it in himself to form any words right now. He’s dumbfounded, experiencing a mix of shock and embarrassment for the first time in his short life, and it’s safe to say he hates the way it feels. He wishes the ground could just swallow him whole right now, but he knows better than to believe life is fair. Especially his life.

Fuck.

He can’t believe this is happening right now. How on earth does she even know about the Flower Girl thing? It was meant to be a secret he would take to the grave and not something meant to be discovered after just a couple of months by some random girl. The only ones beside him who know about that are his mother and—

Itachi. Oh, that bastard.

He steals a glance at his older brother, who’s simply watching him with a guilty smile on his face. He’s not trying to hide or deny anything, and that only serves to infuriate him even more. Itachi waves teasingly at him before disappearing behind the stacks, leaving him all alone with the pinkette. He was just betrayed by his own blood and even if all he wants right now is to become an only child, there are more pressing matters standing right in front of him with the prettiest green eyes he has ever seen.

Sasuke needs to find a way out of this whole mess, he knows, but nothing comes to mind. No last-minute trick or plausible excuse. No perfectly calculated accident to ruin the conversation or blow him away. Nothing that would make her believe this is all just a big misunderstanding instead of the purest truth. The Uchiha can’t escape this situation, at least not without making things worse. He needs to think. He needs to use his mind to get himself out of this thing, and he needs to do it fast or else he will lose their best customer, his pride as a man and the reason for his Wednesdays to be at least bearable.

His dark eyes are now looking at her because that’s the only thing he can bring himself to do. Instinctively, he’s trying to find something— anything, really— that will help him bring his mind back to his body so he can, at least, find the right words to apologize. He then begins to note the unique color of her hair, her bright, emerald eyes; the barely visible sun freckles on her cheeks, and he really starts to feel his heart calming down, but that’s just until he sees it.

A sly smirk is taking over her lips. It’s a tricky one, and judging by how she’s not even trying to hide it, Sasuke immediately realizes she knows exactly what she’s just done. She’s up to something— Flower Girl is clearly messing with him. She’s intentionally teasing him with all those words, and right now it’s clear that he has just fallen for her act.

Oh, that girl. Who would’ve thought such a beautiful girl like her would posses such a cunning mind?

Before the youngest Uchiha can even bring himself to say anything, a giggle escapes her lips, and soon, it grows into a full laughter. He watches as her burst of happiness reaches her eyes and how genuine that whole thing is as it fills the entire store with that warm feeling. If his social misery can bring out something like that, well, perhaps he should start telling her more about his best friend’s love life.

After a couple of seconds, then, her laughter fades with a sigh and she uses her right index to wipe a tear that had threatened to roll down her face. There’s a smile gracing her lips, and he swears he could feel his heart skipping a beat just now. “I’m so sorry. Oh, my.” She chuckles. “You should’ve seen the look on your face.”

“Tch.” He scoffs.

“I was just messing with you. Or—well— maybe I should say that I’m just helping with your older brother’s prank. He’s the one who wanted to leave you in an uncomfortable position. And judging by your reaction, I guess it worked.”

An annoyed pout now takes over his lips. “How very mature of you two.”

“I know… I know, my bad.” She agrees. “Sorry about that.”

His eyes watch as she scratches the back of her head and he realizes she’s actually feeling guilty about the whole thing and that doesn’t help him soothe his nerves at all. She should not be the one apologizing. Not when he was the one who called her Flower Girl in the first place. He’s never meant it as a bad thing— quite the opposite, in fact— nevertheless, he should’ve been more considerate. If anyone should be apologizing, it was him. And that was exactly what he was going to say.

“Look.” He started, taking a deep breath. “You don’t have to apologize. I do. Sorry about this whole thing. I shouldn’t have given you a nickname to begin with. I promise I didn’t mean to be rude or anything like that.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s fine, really. I didn’t think it was rude or anything like that. It was pretty cute, actually.” She smiles at him, and it’s as if he can finally feel his heart beating again. “Besides, it’s not like I was meant to even know about that in the first place, right?”

“Definitely not.” He answers, a little too quickly for his own liking.

“You should thank your brother for that.”

“Oh, later I will, for sure.”

Another chuckle escapes her lips, and he’s glad to know she didn’t mind the nickname— cute, she even said. Now that most of the embarrassment has faded, Sasuke can think clearly again and even if he’s still plotting a revenge against his older sibling, it’s undeniable that having his secret revealed got him a chance to openly talk to her for the first time. They’re making small conversation and it’s nothing really important, but it’s already something.

It’s a start, at least.

The smile on her face suddenly changes into a small pout, and he can easily tell she’s curious. Though they don’t really know each other, he likes the way her expressions are so clear and honest. She bites her lower lip, then, her eyes fidgeting for a moment. She clears her throat and her attention returns to him. Flower girl is staring at him, and if not for her pink hair and inoffensive looks, he would’ve been intimidated by that.

“What is it?” He asks, not really taking in that stare anymore. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, not really… It’s just…” She starts, her eyes narrowing a bit. “Why Flower Girl?”

“What?”

“Why did you choose this nickname? Flower Girl, I mean… I’m pretty sure I’m not the only girl that comes by to get some flowers.”

His eyes widen slightly for a moment until his expression returns to normal. Of course she would be curious about that, he thought. Thinking about it now, that was probably the most generic nickname he could’ve come up with for her. Truth is, he has started calling her like that simply because he never really knew her name, but it’s not like he knows the name of every female customer that comes into the store. The thing that made Flower Girl the Flower Girl was probably the fact that she was the only female customer that actually caught his attention in all the time he’s been working at the shop.

Maybe it was the unusual color of her hair or even the fact that she comes by every week morning, but he can’t deny that he was captivated by her. She’s a very beautiful and attractive woman, sure, but there’s more to it, he knows. Still, it’s not like he can tell her that without sounding like a weirdo. And if anything, he has already sounded like one a lot today.

“Your name… I didn’t know it— still don’t know it.” He starts, and suddenly, he realizes that saying it is harder than he had imagined. His eyes look down for a moment, and instinctively, he uses his index finger to scratch his cheek. “And since you’re basically the only girl who comes by every week, then, you know… Flower Girl.”

“Oh… I see.” She says bluntly, and a pensive expression takes over her demeanor. Though he’s sure she is going to add more to that, silence settles between them. It’s not really uncomfortable, he notices, but it still leaves him wanting more. More of her stories, more of her laugh—more of her.

He needs to keep their conversation going. He has to find a new subject so it can be easier for him to properly talk to her when she returns next week. It’s his only chance and he can’t let it go to waste. He can’t let her—

“Sakura.” She starts, her eyes switching from her feet to his dark orbs. “My name is Sakura.”

Her soft voice catches him off guard, and he’s taken aback by that. When he looks at her again, he can see a small blush tinging her cheeks, and for the first time, he can see an inch of embarrassment in her. Earlier, she had no problem with the nickname, but when it comes to her real name, well…

And just when he thought she couldn’t get any cutter.

“Hn, how very ironic for you to have been named after a flower.”

“Yeah.” She chuckles. “I guess I was destined to become Flower Girl.”

The corner of his lips slightly curl upwards as he finds himself surpassing a smirk that wants to escape. “It’s nice to officially meet you, Sakura.”

“You, too, Sasuke.” She smiles at him, her head tilting to the right as she does so. Her hair responds to the gravity of her movement and he watches as some of her pink locks sway. “I’m glad I could finally talk to you.”

“Uh? Were you trying to talk to me before?”

“Well, to be honest, yeah…” She shrugs, somewhat shyly.

“Are you, perhaps, stalking me?” He smirks, watching as she gets slightly embarrassed.

“Shannarou, that’s not that!” Her face grows a shade of red and he can’t help but notice the peculiar expression she used. “It’s just that you’re the first person I’ve met in this city that seems to be the same age as me, and I guess I was just looking for a reference or something. Living alone in a strange city isn’t really that simple.”

A familiar warmth takes over his chest at her words, and unconsciously, Sasuke starts to sympathize with her current condition. She’s a young girl, and she’s all alone in a big city like Konoha. Even if he has never really left the safety of his parents’ house, it isn’t hard for him to imagine how difficult it must be to go through all that by herself. Whatever her reasons for choosing this might be, it’s still something that will take the pinkette a lot of time to get used to.

She must be lonely, he thinks, but decides not to mention anything about that for now. He simply nods at her, showing Sakura that he comprehends her feelings, and she simply smiles in return. Her eyes delicately fall to the hydrangeas she chose, and he doesn’t miss the tenderness that is decorating her expression right now.

“They help me a lot, you know? The flowers, I mean.”

“Do they?”

“Aah.” She nods, excitedly. “They make my small apartment seem happier, somehow. It’s nice coming home to them. So—uhm— thank you, I guess.”

The smile plastered on her face easily makes its way to her bright eyes, and his heart skips a beat. This girl— this gentle and talkative girl— is really thanking him for selling her flowers every week. Though they’ve just discovered each other's names, she’s telling him small parts of her life that seem so pure and fragile; and for a moment, he feels like their connection is heading beyond flowers and nicknames.

He’s growing fond of her, he can tell. Sasuke knows he’s no longer just curious to know about her reasons to buy the flowers or why she comes by every week. There’s a lot more to it, for now he finds himself wanting to know about certain aspects of her private life that have nothing to do with plants or fertilizer. He wants her to tell him more about herself— as long as that’s what she wants, of course.

He wants to know Sakura. And something tells him that, eventually, he will.

Without thinking much, the young Uchiha smiles back in return, slowly pushing the bucket of flowers back towards her. “Shouldn’t we be thanking you for shopping here?”

“You’re probably right.” She chuckles, giving him her credit card so she can pay for the hydrangeas. “I guess I just can’t help it. I do love your flowers. Sometimes I get so excited about them that I leave home before breakfast.”

“What?” He asks, slightly shocked.

“I can’t help it. It’s stronger than me.”

“Tch.” He sighs. How annoying, he thinks, and the expression spread across his face clearly gives away. She giggles, then, and a sudden idea comes to his mind. “Did you leave home without eating today?”

“Oh, no. Not today. I had a nice breakfast this morning.” She states, proudly. “Why do you ask?”

“Well…” He starts, scratching the back of his neck as a reflex. “Whenever you leave without breakfast, there’s always coffee here. I don’t know if you like it or not, but—”

“I love coffee.” Sakura cuts through his speech, a little too excited. “Next time, then, we’ll have some coffee together.”

A soft smile takes a couple of seconds to make its way to her lips, and he finds himself growing a little too excited about said next time. Sasuke doesn’t know when it’s going to be, but he can already imagine certain things that make him feel at ease.

A morning spent with Flower Girl… It will be a good day.

“Next time, then.” He confirms.

“I’ll be waiting.”

It will be a pleasant Wednesday, indeed.

fin.

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a/n: this took me way too long to finish and I don’t really know why. I had this idea at least a month ago, but I JUST COULDN’T FINISH! Well, now it’s finished lol. Anyway, this is a cute one mostly because I needed something cute. Hope you guys enjoy this, and please, leave me your opinion!

#sasusaku #sasusaku month 2021 #sasusaku month #sasusaku fanfiction #ss fanfic #myssfics

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distinguished-slacker · 3 years

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Owari no Seraph — An Analysis of Shinoa and Mitsuba’s Friendship

(Warning: A long post that nobody asked for and I had to make the panels tightly packed into one image each due to the Tumblr 10 images per post restriction so I am not taking responsibility for any brain aneurysms I might cause. I am serious, it’s really LONG.)

(Why? Because this cursed manga needs more girl power.)

(Note: Friendship)

We always speak about friendships like the ones between Yuu and Mika, and Guren and Shinya but we rarely talk about the one in the girls’ side, which is the the friendship between Shinoa and Mitsuba. It is the only female friendship we actually have in Owari no Seraph since we haven’t seen Chess and Horn ever since Nagoya arc, and we barely get to see how Mito, Sayuri and Shigure act with each other as friends when the topic of conversation is not Guren.

I agree that Shinoa and Mitsuba’s friendship is cute and funny. However, as I reread the manga I realised that their relationship is deeper than that, that each contributed into the development of the other to a degree but at the same there is a wall that keeps them from growing closer but of which none of them is aware of, and how their distance has been exacerbated by some faults that makes me believe their relationship is deteriorating.

So I decided to make a deep analysis with some theorising about their friendship throughout the manga where I make it sound more complex than the sexualised joke Kagami has made of it :D

The first time we had a glimpse of their friendship is of course when Mitsuba debuted in chapter 8 of the manga as the fifth and last member of Shinoa squad. She is first seen complaining to Guren about why was she placed in a squad full of rookies being most visibly infuriated by the fact that the “sarcastic airhead Hīragi Shinoa” was chosen as the squad leader instead of her. When Shinoa appears, she addresses Mitsuba as “Micchan” (or Mi-chan/Mitsu/whatever translation) and mocks her, angering Mitsuba more and driving her to manifest her weapon to fight Shinoa. This scene shows that they have known each other before Shinoa squad was established. The question was when? Shinoa described her life before the catastrophe occurred as “living under a rock” and how she “didn’t see or speak with anyone at all” in the afterword of volume 17, which can be further proved by the events of the Catastrophe at 16 light novels. Shinoa and Mitsuba were bound to meet because of their statuses as Hīragi and Sangū respectively but Shinoa was always kept in the shadows by her family so it’s quite unlikely that they have met as children before the catastrophe.

The only possibility for them to have met is for military reasons rather than for family reasons. In chapter 3, before Shinoa squad was formed, it was revealed that Shinoa is part of the vampire extermination unit but we don’t know for how long. Considering that Mitsuba used the argument of joining the vampire extermination unit at the age of thirteen to explain why would she make a better squad leader than Shinoa, it’s safe to assume that Shinoa joined later than Mitsuba. However, Shinoa received Shikama Dōji as a weapon in 2012 when she was 7 (6 if Kagami could do maths but whatever...) so I doubt the army would let a capable and armed person have a relaxing life for so many years when she could be used for fighting instead since there is a shortage of soldiers (unless Shinoa used her power as a Hīragi, which sometimes works in her favour, to avoid military duties). Moreover, I doubt that the army would place an unexperienced soldier straight into the extermination unit, which is the most dangerous unit in the Japanese Imperial Demon Army, regardless of their status, especially a child. So even if Mitsuba said she joined this unit when she was 13, there is a small chance that she has been a soldier before that but was tasked with easier jobs like being a wall guard and the same thing could be applied to Shinoa. In other words, it’s likely that these two girls have known each other for a good number of years before the timeline of Vampire Reign began.

The reason why I want to believe that Shinoa and Mitsuba met a considerable time ago before the start of the series is because of Shinoa’s attitude towards her. Shinoa has lived a life lacking family love and social interaction which caused her to become apathetic and unemotional up until the formation of Shinoa squad. But somehow there is this girl, who is the only one whom Shinoa gives a cute nickname, has a lot of interest on teasing her and feels comfortable enough to barge into her shower and be seen naked when that is a situation where a person is really vulnerable. I mean, considering Mitsuba’s personality, it’s understandable why Shinoa feels so free to act like that around her but still it’s emotionally detached Hīragi Shinoa we are talking about.

(From top to bottom, and left to right: chapters 8, 9, 19, 29 and 43)

One thing that bothers me is how Kagami made it look like as if Shinoa was completely empty before being influenced by Yuu’s ‘kindness’ when that is not true at all and Shinoa was able to show a caring side before that.

One example of this is in the same chapter where Mitsuba debuted, shown in the top-left panel. In this chapter Mitsuba is acting so bossy and arrogant here that to be honest anyone would find her annoying. However, Mitsuba’s constant shouting about battle formation is to ensure that everyone adheres to the rules to avoid any danger, especially considering the reckless attitude Yuu has displayed here about killing vampires as soon as he sees them. In reality, Mitsuba’s behaviour is a defence mechanism in order to hide her traumas regarding the death of her previous squad members and Shinoa knows this well. Shinoa knows Mitsuba is a kind person on the inside, going to the extent of even calling “adorable” how Mitsuba feels that their lives are her responsibility, and that’s why she tells Yuu to bear with Mitsuba because Shinoa doesn’t want him to hate her.

In the panel below the first one which occurs in the next chapter when the girls are in the showers, Shinoa comforts Mitsuba telling her it wasn’t necessarily her fault that the entire squad got annihilated (as some of the members were already killed before Mitsuba made any reckless move, Mitsuba was too young and it was the leader’s decision to sacrifice himself for her). Speaking about this, Shinoa is the only one in the squad who knows about Mitsuba’s past and it makes me wonder whether Mitsuba herself told Shinoa about this or Shinoa discovered it since as a Sangū, Mitsuba must be well known in the army so her failure might have been spread around and Shinoa happened to discover it. It depends on how much of friends they were before the beginning of the manga; whether they were friends before that or they were somewhat distant but strengthened their friendship when the squad was established. After all, it is hinted that they live together in the chapter where they tried to cook for the guys though Shinoa said it was her room (but it wasn’t specified if it was Mitsuba’s too) so maybe Mitsuba decided to come over for that event. In the anime there was a bunk bed in the room next to the living room which wasn’t shown in the manga but still it doesn’t hurt mentioning it.

This one is a very subtle panel. In the middle panel that happened in chapter 29 after Shinoa and Narumi squad finished their mission of killing Lucal Wesker in Nagoya arc, Yuu realises that people really do die in these missions and Mitsuba replies to him with a “Your friends die. That’s the reality of battle...I...I’ve seen this...” while recalling her previous squad’s members deaths. Shinoa quickly picks up on this and touches her elbow in comfort, as highlighted by the green circle pointed by the green arrow, and gives a speech that reminds Mitsuba that she is not alone anymore and has people who are still alive for her to protect. I really love this moment because Shinoa was so perceptive of the little changes happening within Mitsuba.

In the right panel, it might look like Shinoa is throwing the bothersome job to explain the squad’s situation to Mitsuba, which might be true considering how Shinoa is sometimes, but I like this panel because it shows that Shinoa lets Mitsuba have her part and act as her second in command since being squad leader is what Mitsuba initially wanted. Mitsuba seems to be happy to act as her second in command which shows their relationship is more chill than what their first scene together in the manga made it look like.

Like Shinoa cares for Mitsuba, Mitsuba cares for Shinoa too. In the bottom-left panel which is taken from chapter 19, Kimizuki is suspicious of Shinoa after Yoichi and him were interrogated and tortured by the Hīragis, going as far as thinking she was using Yuu and saying that this is nothing but a “sickness” where he is forced to “play comrades”. Mitsuba quickly defends her by stopping Kimizuki because she knows Shinoa is only making them hide Yuu’s transformation out of genuine care for a comrade. Curiously, this scene parallels to a scene in chapter 99 that occurs after Shinoa makes Shikama Dōji submit. Kimizuki starts shouting at Shinoa thinking that she has been using them all while laughing behind their backs the whole time. This time Mitsuba doesn’t intervene. There are three possibilities for this: one is that Mitsuba is simply being relegated to the sidelines due to constricted space in the current events of the manga, two, that Mitsuba cannot act because this whole situation confuses her which is understandable, and three, that Mitsuba and Shinoa are becoming more distant, which I will explain later in this post.

I tried to find more panels of Mitsuba visibly showing care for Shinoa in the beginning and middle of the manga but it was hard but this is not Mitsuba’s fault, neither Shinoa’s. To be brief, Shinoa is a tough nut to crack. With her personality it’s hard to get emotionally close to her. Add to that that Mitsuba has her emotional baggage too which makes her emotionally constipated, this sets a wall between the girls so I hope Kagami will do something with it later in the manga where it breaks. Yuu already achieved it, so why not Mitsuba who is supposedly Shinoa’s only female friend and even best friend?

(Left: chapter 26 and Right: chapter 45)

When Guren knocked Mitsuba out during the squad mock battle and when Mitsuba was attacked by Crowley, Shinoa always jumped to protect her regardless of the risk. Have a look at Shinoa’s pained face when Mitsuba told them to leave her behind or Shinoa’s determined face when she told Makoto to follow Kimizuki and Yoīchi in order to rescue Mitsuba. That raw emotion. Seriously, is it me or ironically in the beginning of the manga Shinoa showed far more emotion despite being claimed to be initially cold?

(Top left: chapter 19, bottom left: chapter 26 and right: chapter 24)

Does someone else miss when these two girls used to team up to annoy the boys? These scenes might seem for pure comedic purposes but they are actually deeper than what they look like. When Mitsuba debuted, she was not only strict with others but with herself too. Due to her past failure and family expectations, she was forcing herself to grow up quicker, to be the perfect soldier and follow the rules even if that put herself under pressure. However, as she got more involved with the squad she became more free and Shinoa’s personality started started to rub off on her. There are two scenes where Shinoa starts with her pranks and Mitsuba follows with them. It’s vastly thanks to Shinoa that Mitsuba started to act like the teenager she is and that’s really wholesome. I mean, just look at how happy Mitsu is at the bottom left panel or her smirk, something unusual for her, in the bottom right panel when they abandon Kimizuki on the side of the highway (lmao poor Kimizuki). This duo have a great dynamic!

Interestingly, as the series progresses, you can see how both Mitsuba and Shinoa’s characters start acquiring qualities from the other. The always so stiff and temperamental Mitsuba becomes more laid-back and honest while Shinoa goes through the process of discovering more emotions within herself and expressing actual interest on other things. But the problem is that while Mitsuba’s change was influenced by the squad, Shinoa’s was primarily by influenced by Yuu.

(Top left: chapter 8, bottom left and middle right: chapter 48, top right: chapter 17 and bottom right: chapter 43)

It is known that Shinoa loves to tease Mitsuba. In fact, her favourite person to tease is Mitsu because in the fanbook Shinoa said that someone who gets bullied easily is “1. Micchan 2.Micchan 3.Micchan” and even Mitsuba said that she hears Shinoa talk about her a lot.

The first thing Shinoa does when they reunite in chapter 8 is tease her. In chapter 48 when they are talking in the girls’ toilet you can see Shinoa looking at Mitsuba with soft and sweet expressions. Shinoa is really comfortable around her and Mitsuba’s personality allows Shinoa to be herself. Shinoa even said “I really like you when you always react to me like this.” with a gentle laugh which is something rare for her to say.

However, there are times where I personally feel that Shinoa should set some limits to herself regarding how much she teases Mitsuba and with what topics she uses to tease her like when she joked about Mitsuba not being a virgin in chapter 43 because the combined blood of the squad that Mika drank was gross. Although I find hilarious how Mitsuba reacted with a “I am SO going to kill you someday!!” but limits are limits, especially if it’s in front of everyone.

Another panel that was used for comedic purposes that I find somewhat off is the one in chapter 17 showed at the top right corner. Before this panel, Mitsuba says with a serious face that she hopes “things go okay for Yuu” in the interview with the Hīragi family and Shinoa starts teasing Mitsuba saying that she is in love with Yuu. Shinoa teases her but her gaze is at the building not at Mitsuba, her focus is on Yuu, and so it feels as if she teased Mitsuba to cover something else. And what is that something else? Easy. This scene happens not longer after Shinoa confronts Guren in his office about him drugging Yuu where Guren asks Shinoa if she fell in love with him. Ever since this moment Shinoa started to doubt about her feelings and I feel that she teased Mitsuba about her being in love with Yuu to cover her own feelings and that is not a nice thing to do to a friend.

Shinoa annoyed her many times throughout, Mitsuba never really got seriously angry at her aside from an occasional initial outburst. Mitsuba shows great patience with Shinoa, unless there is something we don’t know since we have never gotten an inner monologue of Mitsuba but I will talk about this later.

(Chapter 17)

In the same chapter but some panels before, Shinoa makes fun of Mitsuba addressing her incompetence paralleling to how she made fun of her when they met in chapter 8. Mitsuba just got out of an interview with the Hīragis where she has been promoted, and Shinoa mocks her about how easily she can climb up the ranks just because she is a Sangū and not because of her abilities. On one hand, considering Mitsuba’s severe low self-esteem Shinoa shouldn’t be joking with this a lot but on the other hand, it’s because Shinoa is like this that Mitsuba is comfortable with her. Mitsuba doesn’t like it when everyone talks bad behind her back while praising her on the front, so Shinoa, who is the only one who is honest with her, makes Mitsuba feel at ease (let’s not count Yuu here because that guy is clueless about the weight that the hierarchy holds within the JIDA).

In the middle panel we can see how Shinoa talks about herself to Mitsuba and the same thing can be said with the toilet scene in chapter 48. Mitsuba is the only one out of the squad who knows about Shinoa’s life within the Hīragi family and some story with her older sister Mahiru (I know this is because those higher ranking family members have access to that information but nevertheless this gives Mitsuba an advantage when it comes to bonding with Shinoa). However, Shinoa is here just stating facts but doesn’t open emotionally to Mitsuba so that wall between them persists. Considering that they might have been friends for years, it’s mostly Shinoa’s closed heart the main reason that made their friendship stagnant. But of course, this is not Shinoa’s fault since she is a product of her terrible childhood.

When you look deeper into it, they don’t have the emotional bond and trust they should have with each other.

In the right panel, that’s where the real problem in their friendship starts. Please zoom and have a look at the section surrounded by the vertical amber rectangle. Have a look at Mitsuba’s expression. She is angry and not for comedic purposes. Shinoa has just asked Mitsuba how much information about Yuu she “bribed” the Hīragis with in exchange for her promotion. It doesn’t even look like Shinoa is joking here. She actually thought that Mitsuba, her closest friend, would fall so low as to sell a comrade for a promotion that she didn’t even want in the first place. Look at the region surrounded by the horizontal amber rectangle and you can see that despite Mitsuba already told Shinoa she did not say a thing, Shinoa keeps asking her if she said anything about Yuu going berserk in the battlefield as if she doesn’t fully trust Mitsuba. To be honest, Shinoa crossed the line here and I wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t read the beginning of the manga since in the anime they made it different.

This is the beginning of the popular scenario where a friendship is tested when a guy comes in between.

(From top to bottom: chapters 57, 70 and 75)

In chapter 57, Guren reveals to everyone a shocking fact; Shinoa was born with a demon inside her because of a crazy experiment. Mitsuba is the one who looks the most visibly shocked and when she asks Shinoa what does he mean by that Shinoa instead looks away to where Yuu is even though he didn’t ask her anything unlike Mitsuba. To me, this where Mitsuba and Shinoa’s friendship officially entered the amber region.

Then, in chapter 70, Aoi starts choking Mitsuba, asking her why she is not dead and branding her as traitor. Shinoa didn’t try to stop it but it’s understandable since going against Aoi could be punished, especially because they are in JIDA territory, and that Yuu was already doing the job of defending Mitsuba. What I found curious about this is that the whole time Aoi was talking bad about Mitsuba being a traitor we get scenes with Yuu, and even a glimpse of Kimizuki and Yoichi as highlighted by the blue square but not of Shinoa. Shinoa is only shown just after Yuu says “I’m Mitsuba’s family” as if this choice in the structuring of these panels is implying that Yuu saying something nice to another girl gets more reaction from Shinoa than when said girl, who is a friend of Shinoa too, is in a problem. What hurts me the most is that even if there was no need for Shinoa to intervene, we don’t get any shocked or sad expression of her while Aoi puts her hands on Mitsuba’s neck or starts insulting her.

Shinoa’s priorities changed and this is further seen when she is turning into a vampire in chapter 75 and everyone is around the wheeled stretcher where Shinoa is lying on but she looks only at Yuu. I could say that maybe she looked at Yuu instead of anyone else because he was closer to Shinoa’s face but then when Shinoa is taken to the doctors and scientists the last thing she thinks of is “Yuuichi...ro” and only Yuuichiro.

(Chapter 86)

I guess we are going into the orange area now...While Shinoa changes, Mitsuba stays relatively the same. The panel where Mitsuba runs to Shinoa and hugs her in tears is the greatest proof of how much Mitsuba cares for Shinoa, which is impacting for the readers since we haven’t got much of their friendship for a long time up until that point. Now, if we compare Shinoa’s facial expressions in this chapter with the ones I have previously shown in chapters like 45 (when Crowley attacked Mitsuba) and 48 (when they talked in the toilet), you can see the difference. Before, Shinoa’s face was full of genuine happiness, care and worry but now she is poker faced. She completely disregards Mitsuba’s concern for her and crying. She doesn’t show a shocked face, doesn’t hug Mitsuba back or doesn’t even tell her “Sorry for making you worry, Micchan” or something like that. She turns the situation into a boob joke and Mitsuba simply replies back. Then, we get an emotional panel again of Mitsuba asking Shinoa if she is really herself again (and if you zoom to where the green arrow as pointing at you can see Mitsuba’s red eyes from crying a lot) but then Shinoa continues with the boob joke like nothing. Sure, I understand that Shinoa has fallen in love and her priorities are somewhere else, but could she at least show more concern for Mitsuba?

Now some people might tell me that I am making a huge deal out of it, that’s it normal Shinoa is not comforting her or acting accordingly to the situation because Shinoa is emotionally stagnant and dense but this is actually not true at all. Please have a look at this image below:

(Chapters 85 and 90)

The first and only person Shinoa thinks about after being freed from her possession in chapter 85 is “Yuuichiro” (or Yuu-san if the translators did it properly). She doesn’t think about the rest of her squad even though she is supposed to be the squad leader.

Then here is where we can make the comparison. In chapter 86, Mitsuba was crying because she was scared since Shinoa was ‘dying’ by turning into a vampire, Yuu got kidnapped, and Kimizuki, Yoichi and Makoto left her without telling her a thing when the war broke out. Mitsuba informs her of this. Four chapters later, in chapter 90, which probably happened like half an hour or an hour in the OnS universe after Mitsuba cried, when Yoichi says Yuu was crying Shinoa gets worked up saying “I have to rescue him”. Shinoa hasn’t even seen with her own eyes that Yuu was crying yet she is prepared to go and help him when she didn’t do it for the girl who was crying right in front of her just some minutes ago. This shows clear favouritism towards Yuu. Of course, there is nothing wrong with having the person you like as your first priority. It’s almost the natural thing to occur, especially considering that this is the first time Shinoa feels like this. However, it’s because of things like this that the possibility of Shinoa eventually losing the closest friend she has exists.

(Also if someone wants to object to that part saying that Shinoa didn’t comfort Yuu in the end I will just say that it’s not weird considering Yuu was acting all happy go lucky and on the outside he didn’t look like needed comfort even if he really did.)

Also, many people noticed the use of “I” instead of “We” in “I have to rescue him” and “Yuuichiro... Hang in there. I’m on my way.” even though she is with the whole squad and I especially find it more surprising considering that when she said this last phrase, Mitsuba was next to her (or behind her from our perspective) showing that Shinoa doesn’t think of Mitsuba as much as she used to in the past. This mirrors what Mahiru told Shinoa in chapter 56, even though Shinoa couldn’t hear her, about how “sexual desire and lust” (I am going to put “crush” here instead because this might be too far someone like Shinoa) “corrupts you” “to the point where you don’t care about the world and its future anymore” and this already started with Shinoa’s care for the squad decreasing at the expense of her care for Yuu increasing.

Additionally, if you are a fan of this manga art style you might have took an interest on its illustrations and might have noticed that ever since Osaka arc there have not been many illustrations of them together anymore. At most it’s just Shinoa alone. Whether it implies their distance or Yamamoto simply does not have the time of making complex illustrations again, I don’t know.

(Chapters 54 and 96, and volume 17 afterword ending on chapter 69)

Boob jokes. The worst part. Boob jokes. The first time I guess it was okay but it just keeps repeating and it’s not only in the manga. I even looked at the anime fanbook, and watched the CD Dramas and some clips of the game Owari no Seraph: Unmei no Hajimari (which all take place at the time before the squad defected the army) and I realised that there are more times where Shinoa makes a comment about Mitsuba’s chest. Some people say that this significant number of times Shinoa starts a boob conversation may indicate that rather than being jealous, she is obsessed and actually attracted to Mitsuba. But ships aside (I want to keep this post as ship-free as possible), it’s not nice that every time these two have an interaction, which is rare lately and so special because of its rarity, the topic is boobs. It’s not even funny and it degrades their relationship. Why Kagami cannot treat their relationship like the boys’s and give them scenes where they talk about their emotions rather than body parts? After all, the friendship between Shinoa and Mitsuba is not that different to Yuu and Mika’s or Guren and Shinya’s for reasons like sharing a past together. The major difference I can only find between them is their biological sexes and this is not an excuse for this bias.

But since I am the type of person who likes to looks deeper into every joke I am going to do it for these ones. The only thing that I find refreshing about these jokes is that at the beginning every time Shinoa made a comment about Mitsuba’s body, Mitsu was always embarrassed, exhausted and denying any claims. But because Shinoa started this topic of conversation so many times Mitsuba has gathered the experience and skill points to retort her insults😂 Shinoa has awakened Bad Girl Mitsu, and Dethroned Sass Queen is now on the losing end loool just joking.

It might seem that everything that I mentioned in this post until now it’s a lot for Shinoa and Mitsuba but remember that for them, ever since they arrived to the JIDA and all this mess started around chapter 70 they have been in the same day in the OnS universe (even if for us it has been years) and only two days passed at most ever since Shikama Dōji started influencing Shinoa’s views on Yuu in chapter 66 (although Shikama Dōji probably talked to her about him offscreen a lot of times before this chapter). It has been only one bad day, it’s okay, there is no need to panic, Mitsuba and Shinoa are still super best friends and will be...or that is what I would like to say because one, if in just one day Shinoa’s feelings became this crazy imagine how she would be after a longer time if no one stops her? And two, Mitsuba is starting to notice Shinoa’s feelings for Yuu:

(From left to right: chapters 10, 19 and 99)

As I mentioned in a previous post, the number of times Mitsuba is realising that Shinoa feels something for Yuu from afar in the manga is around 3 or 4 (I am not including the fourth since I am not really sure about it), with the most recent being the most eye catching. Now, you might tell me that Mitsuba is just jealous which I would agree since the first panel gives that impression by going with the typical cliché where the second girl is jealous of the first girl. But then if you look at the whole three panels there is nothing that exactly shows a jealous expression on Mitsuba’s face but rather she is just concerned or surprised. It’s hard to decipher her emotions here but if you look closely at the middle and right panel you might notice something in common: Shinoa is placing her hand on top of Yuu’s. So it’s more likely that Mitsuba is looking at this specifically rather than at the whole picture of Yuu and Shinoa together considering that these latter two have gotten scenes together many times but Mitsuba never looked at them and acted normal. Kagami is the type of subverting our expectations like when Yuu was supposed to be the main protagonist but sometimes he seems to be a cover and the real protagonist of the story is Guren (this is just my impression). For this case, Shinoa has been called a “dispassionate observer” by Shikama Dōji in chapter 72 but sometimes I feel that the observer is Mitsuba.

This could explain why we have never gotten a glimpse of Mitsuba’s heart and demon even though she is a main female deuteragonist and the only one unaddressed in Shinoa squad. It might seem that she is patient and a stagnant character, but all these subtle moments might be building up to a potential Mitsuba mini arc that will be about her relationship with Shinoa? After all, what Mitsuba cares about the most is her squad, so bonds is a likely theme. Moreover, in the fanbook Mitsuba’s favourite person was stated to be Shinoa (while for everyone else it was ‘Yuu’). It’s possible that she will confront Shinoa about this because Shinoa never tells her anything about herself so Mitsuba has to do all the guessing and Shinoa has grown distant from her. No way Mitsuba is fine with that. Looking at this, it’s normal we haven’t gotten much of them because looking at the current events of the manga, now is not the time to sit down (it’s not like they either have the time) and do something that might sever bonds anymore. This is why I came to the conclusion that if it’s not just bad writing, then Kagami deteriorating their friendship is something intentional.

Now, how will Shinoa and Mitsuba’s friendship proceed from here will rely mainly on two factors. One is whether what Shinoa feels for Yuu is genuine or a result of Shikama Dōji and Mahiru brainwashing her, and two, whether Mitsuba feels something for Yuu too or not. For one, I am not going to jump to conclusions regarding Shinoa’s feelings for Yuu and I will just say that regardless of whichever route Kagami chooses, Shinoa still has to cherish her friendship with Mitsuba. For two, it’s ambiguous as I can say as many arguments for Mitsuba having a crush on Yuu as arguments against. So let’s wait and see. However, I want to say that making Mitsuba crush on Yuu would be unwise considering that it’s already hard enough with Mika and Shinoa, so adding Mitsuba would mean pointlessly adding more fuel to the fire, especially considering Yuu’s personality and that he might not end up with anyone by the end of the series.

However, if somehow Kagami decides to take the route where one, Shinoa’s love for Yuu moves forwards and two, it happens at the expense of her friendship with Mitsuba and others, I will start calling Kagami a hypocrite. This is because we are talking about the guy who said that the focus of OnS is not romance, but family and bonds. Therefore, I would be disgusted at his bias of exploring only the theme of family and bonds within male friendships at the expense of destroying female friendships just for romance.

I theorise that this confrontation (not a cat fight) will happen around when Shinoa will entirely lose the strength to keep restraining Sika and become possessed again (unless Yuu is here to save the day of course). For this to happen we will need a scene with Mitsuba talking with Tenjiryū in which we can finally see how she feels in order to set everything up before this moment, and another scene that will be a flashback of Shinoa and Mitsuba meeting for the first time when younger so we can actually understand the magnitude of their friendship.

And how this confrontation will happen? To be honest I don’t think that there is any person capable of putting up a fight against a Shikama Dōji possessed Shinoa (unless the main character’s plot armor is used here again) so Mitsuba confronting Shinoa will be at an emotional level where Mitsuba might voice her preoccupations and will tell Shinoa to trust her more instead of keeping things to herself because they are friends. This will be a perfect opportunity for the wall that Shinoa put between them to break and for Mitsuba to be finally given the chance of paying back everything that Shinoa did for her.

The reason why Shinoa needs to be stopped is easy. If she keeps going like this, at this rate she will take the same path as Mahiru where she moves everyone out of the way in order to obsess over one thing, being alone with no one to give advice to her or stop her when she will be making dangerous decisions. All this emotional outburst Shinoa has shown recently is not healthy because she is being rushed instead of being allowed to do things at her pace. She needs to calm down, and realise that where she should be emotionally expressive is with her friends as a whole group.

If you managed to read the whole post, I am sorry aghjskwkashs but it’s just that I wanted people to give attention to this underrated friendship😭💔 It’s so underrated so that’s why I wrote such a long post because I wanted to include every single detail (I hope I didn’t miss anything🤔) and searched for as many images as I can for evidence (sorry for making it so compact that the images might look blurry due to Tumblr restrictions🤧).

P.S. When I will be a granny (considering the fuckin slow pace of this damn manga) I wish to go back to this post and assess whether I was an amazing analyst or an idiot for trusting Kagami😂

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #hiiragi shinoa #shinoa hiiragi #mitsuba sanguu #mitsuba sangu #sanguu mitsuba #sangu mitsuba #sote

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onlyhereforangst · 3 years

Text

WWR

Alright y’all a likely final WWR coming at you, you know 3 months late the day of the dreaded s19 premiere. This definitely gets ranty and emotional, if you’re a Gibbs stan scroll the fuck away & don’t send me hate anon. This is bittersweet and it hurts and I’ve been living in denial for months but I needed this little bit of closure before the writer’s absolutely fuck it up in less than 6 hours. I hope you enjoy my emotional ramblings & I’ve absolutely loved writing these for the past two years, i’ll miss it & your reactions to it dearly ❤️

Badass Ellie is allllllways a treat, and protective nick contrasted to her making albeit slightly reckless decisions is top tier. And then followed up by him being impressed as hell??? He’s like damn my girl just did that and I am not turned on, no way, we are working I am not turned on, nope. Nick sitting at Ellie’s desk in the beginning PLS. Feet kicked up feeling mighty comfortable for someone who hates sitting at a desk 👀 only ok with it when it’s Ellie’s, huh Nick? Also I love that he’s sticking with the nonchalant approach like he did when he found her looking up Eastern Europe locations. He knows if he pushes too hard it won’t go well, but he is still concerned for her well-being. Those pieces slowly clicking into place that something isn’t just off- it’s worrisome off. Because while yes he’s still nonchalant he’s a touch more serious this time, ignoring her attempt at a brush off and claiming “he wants answers.” It’s a subtle step up from 18x14, but it’s there. His spidey senses are tingling and he’s getting less and less able to hide his concern for her 🥺 even if he tries to play it off as flirty banter because yes he’s still gd impressed with her moves and even tells Vance as such essentially.

Flash forward to at the stash house and they find the files plus the mini debrief back in the bullpen…I truly am inclined to believe Ellie doesn’t know here. I mean sure she realizes that the timing fits to a certain extent—she was at NSA when this happened, but I don’t think she knows this is the beginning of her end. She’s like “oh they’re selling secrets too” and “my contacts are all gone” like…I just, she seems too casual and not at all on edge. Idk so far I’m just not getting that vibe. She even brushed off McGee with the whole that was ten years ago almost like she didn’t remember it? But then at the same time she did bring up the whole legal vs ethical- she hedged, but she did mention it. She was not super gung-ho about OMG THIS WAS SO UNETHICAL WTF HOW COULD THEY DO THIS so still……..idk lets continue haha

Ok her knowledge of guns is slightly concerning but also Nick finds it concerning AND hot, boy can’t help himself lets be honest. That “damn” that slips out please, so many sirens going off in that head but also you’re just like well fuck talk dirty to me some more babe. Aaaaand here we go, here’s why I know Ellie didn’t know that odette was going to plant that shit right now. “Whoever took them from the NSA’s code-level servers risked a lot more than their career” with a little like duh face from Ellie SCREAMS that she did not, would not, EVER do that. The leak was fabricated by Odette and the fact that it would be planted during this case was all Odette unbeknownst to Ellie. Or why the fuck would Ellie so casually and somewhat judgmentally be like “who TF would leak something like that, man they stupid, committing treason and whatnot.” And Ellie is SHOOK when Vance tells her it was her. Like shook as in, blinks several times, shifts her weight back, glances at McGee with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That body language screeeeeams being caught off guard. If she had leaked those documents and if she had known this was a plant, she wouldn’t be caught off guard. And no matter how well you can try and play the part, that body language is legit. She’s shocked someone would even think about that and oh man, Nick. Nick’s face hurts me (and I know this is just the beginning). Because a man who has always seen himself as the bad egg, the criminal so to speak, the one who would do something shady before any of the others. He is shook and angry that Vance could even consider accusing Ellie of this. And then there’s the genuine concern etched on his face (and I’d know, the screen is currently paused on his face staring at Ellie with a worried furrowed brow and pain clenched in his jaw) because he knows logical Ellie wouldn’t do this but also he knows he’s been seeing little puzzle pieces fall into place of suspicious behavior and this is just one more thing that doesn’t sit right with him- doesn’t fit the woman he’s come to know and love. And while I know he truly believes she didn’t leak the files, I would bet right here he’s concerned about what the fuck she’s gotten herself wrapped up in.

And she continues to be adamantly against this, like Eleanor Raye Bishop would NOT ever leak intel, not as a baby NSA analyst who believed she was doing the right thing always in her role. Never once bringing up questionable ethics, she thought it was the greater good, that little patriot. She’s so adamantly against it and then Vance asks if she was framed, and I think that’s the point where Ellie realizes this is Odette. The word framed all of a sudden clicks it all into place and she picks up it might be “go time” for her. Her glances over at Vance have changed, they’re more cautious, calculating. She hears they’ve been leaked over ten years ago and she knows that she didn’t do it 10 years ago so this very well may be the notice of eviction from Odette. The “we’re coming for you, Agent Bishop” and her little look, oooooh Ellie is fired up. Her switch flipped and she’s now gotta hunker down and defend herself until she can confirm with Odette. Vance doesn’t even let her get a word in to “fight” for her innocence. But the fact that she’s getting sent home pisses her off, she wants to be close to the investigation, know what’s happening, and I’m sure a part of her still resists being dubbed that traitor of the state. Who knows, Odette may have never told her how she would become a disgraced NCIS agent, and this may have pissed Ellie off because her integrity is something she prides herself on. Her line, “I’m not Gibbs […] I’m innocent line” is like a tiny bright spot to chuckle in during this dismal finale. Gibbs hate train right hereeeee

Love that Kasie is immediately on the Ellie defense side, not looking forward to her reaction to Ellie leaving IF they even decide to show us.

Gibbs telling Ellie “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” when he fucking up and left the team without so much as a goodbye or sorry for committing police brutality like fuck outta here Gibbs. Ellie is CLEARLY vulnerable right now, she’s been accused of leaking classified documents aka committing treason, she’s suspended, she’s on the brink of going on some dumbass undercover op and is begging, pleading, for any sign from you- her boss and father figure- not to do it. That he shows remorse for leaving the team without a word, that he regrets his decision to just disappear on them, that he wishes he hadn’t or he had done it differently. ANY kind of sign to tell her not to go through with what she’s about to go through. Literally any sign, and instead Gibbs gets defensive and bites back that she’s picking the wrong time in her life (LIKE HELLO YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT THERE IDIOT, SHE’S GOING THROUGH SHIT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS BUT NO YOU’RE WRAPPED UP IN GIBBS LA-LA-LAND AND HAVE SAID FUCK YOU TO YOUR SUPPOSED KIDS), so now Ellie is even more pissed and gets defensive back telling him he doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and if that’s not a desperate cry for help I don’t know what is. like she is begging you Gibbs to pick up on it and figure it out, begging you to do your job that’s you’re supposedly so good at and save her from going through with this stupid mission. And then Ellie realizes that he stopped caring about them. He’d gotten so wrapped up in what he was doing, he stopped caring about their lives, the problems they were facing, anything. Him *not* realizing something was happening??? This is Gibbs, this is the man that always knows what’s happening before you even know what’s happening. So the words “I’m starting to realize that” hit like a fucking dump truck. He’s too preoccupied with his own boat-making nonsense that he can’t be bothered to have even an inkling of an idea of what’s going on in their lives. And he doesn’t seem to care that he’s dropped them from his life. And that’s when it hits Ellie, he’s never coming back. He’s cut the team out of his life and he doesn’t care. He has no regrets, he can’t even be bothered to have a single regret. And I think that, right there, is when Ellie decides she’s all in. I think there was always a small part of her that was hesitant to go along with odette. Hesitant to just upend her career and her relationships (aka Nick, but we’ll get to this), all of it. But hearing that the man she looked up to even though he’d made some mistakes, the man she viewed as a father, the one person who’d taken a chance on the nerdy analyst long ago, the one constant through all the turmoil she’d had, just left? Just left without a goodbye, without remorse, without even a parting thought for her? That was it for her. Whatever brainwashing Odette had fed her that she’d pushed back against from fully taking over finally broke free. And with it, Ellie grieves, she’s tearing up from knowing what she’s about to lose. Lose the man she viewed as a father, the coworkers that were like a family, the partner she’d found herself loving like she’d never loved before.

Ugh poor hurt Nick, he’s willing to do all the grunt work that he abhors in order to free up McGee so he can save Ellie. Nick knows he doesn’t have the skills and I think that’s killing him even more so. He can’t just do it himself, he has to rely on someone else to clear her name (to which he bumped back to last name in a last ditch attempt to maintain distance and keep some semblance of emotions in check, which is failing miserably), and that is killing the doer we know and love. LOL “so you’re both wrong” this poor man I love him, I can’t wait for the tears that will come from me later 🥲 nick immediately taking Jessica’s help, I love it. He’s like I don’t give AF who will help us but I am clearing this woman’s name if it’s the last thing I do. And then she walks in and he’s frozen. All these emotions running through him and then she’s there?? And she ignores him??? Ignores all of them?? Rushes past and storms up to the director on a suicide mission??? Yeah this is why I said that conversation with Gibbs was her last nail in the coffin. She hadn’t decided to go through with it (hence why she hedged earlier with Vance) and then he went and was a piece of shit so she said the hell with it and went all in. She can’t even bring herself to speak at Nick, barely looks at him, because she knows, she knows if she speaks to him, if he gets a chance to try and talk her down in the heightened emotional state she’s in after talking to Gibbs, she won’t be able to hold it in. She won’t be able to deal with seeing emotionally charged and hurt Nick. So she ignores him and McGee and does what she thinks she has to do. How hard did it have to be for Ellie to tell Vance not to defend her, and that their intel was correct? 🥺🥺 it goes against everything she’s ever stood for and she just went and did it. She hates liars and yet she lied. She loves her country and yet she claimed she committed treason. Her body language once again screams uncomfortable but trying to play it off. She’d nodding and repeating it over and over because she needs to convince herself of the words. They leave a bitter taste in her mouth and she can’t stop it. All she can do is clench her jaw a little tighter and get it over with and convince herself.

Nick is in disbelief, obviously. McGee looks like he’s five seconds from breaking down because his little sister is supposedly a traitor??? Like he can’t believe it. He’s hurt she would do something like this even though he still knows in his gut that it can’t possibly be true. And oh FUCK the part where Nick’s voice cracks asking if Vance fired Ellie. Fuuuuuuuck me. This man’s heart is breaking for what’s happening to Ellie and being completely in the dark about it. Sure they weren’t really clear on what “they” were after The Talk but still. He thought she was open with him. Ever since the jail cell, things had shifted and he thought she’d been honest with him. He’d picked up on those little things, but maybe it was just training or something, NOT committing alleged treason and quitting the one career she loved. Not leaving him in the dark and vanishing without so much as a word. Not that. Because she KNOWS his past, she knows how much shit he’s been through with people in his life leaving without so much as a goodbye. And his voice continues to crack asking about what’s going on because he’s literally in shock. McGee is desperately trying to keep it together, keep some sort of figurehead for the team. Nick is in shambles ok, just like I’m in shambles. He’s adamant she didn’t do it because he KNOWS her. He knows she would never in a million years leak classified intel and now he’s just confused like a lost and kicked puppy. She didn’t DO IT, and she’s not answering her PHONE. He just wants to talk to her, he just wants to know she’s ok, wants to comfort her, wants to convince her to stop and it’ll be alright and he’ll take care of her and he’ll save her because that’s all he wants to do and always has, right? Save her. Save her from everything in this world that could hurt her. Protect her from life’s dangers. Protect her because he can’t bear the thought of losing her. And that all is crumbling down around him. All of it, crashing down like an avalanche, ready to bury him alive in grief and guilt and despair and anger. How am I supposed to TALK to her, he just wants to fucking be with her. He just wants to be there. With her. For the rest of their lives.

Ellie looking at the hat, please. That’s a lifetime of regret packed into one facial expression right there. She’s looking at that hat, the one she cherishes from the moment Gibbs hands it to her, and knows it’ll be the last time she ever sees it again. It’s not something she can take with her, and it’s full of fond memories—most happy, some sad, a few bittersweet—but memories that have made her life whole the past 8 years. And there’s officially no going back, she’s admitted to treason, there’s no way out of that. She’s having to say goodbye to all of her career without saying goodbye to any of them, all of that is wrapped up in that hat. A hat that’s so simple but signifies so much to her. She definitely was not expecting McGee to come out and so her rebuttals to him are exasperated and grasping at straws initially. She tries sarcasm and then she tries to brush it off “it doesn’t matter, it’s done […] I get that, I don’t want to talk about it” when McGee voices that he’s hurt over this and her reputation matters to him. Because he’s like another brother to you dammit Ellie. Yeah he’s grown since he said Ziva was like a sister to him and just stomped on your heart, he didn’t say it then but you’re like a sister to him too Ellie. I love that he fights her on it, and Ellie is like shit I have to come up with something. I don’t think she expected McGee of all people to fight her on this and I’m so glad he did. A little bit of growth because he is not going to see another person he views as family leave him again. And Ellie’s half assed excuses please, all of it is just such BULLSHIT because when they first debriefed she was just like “ethical? Hmmm” nothing more, nothing about being a vigilante and being up in arms over this like she claims she was. Bullshit Ellie, bullshit. And the PARALLELS TO FUCKING GIBBS. THIS IS WHAT YOU DID GIBBS, THIS IS YOU. LOOK WHERE YOU FUCKING PUSHED ELEANOR BISHOP TO STOOP TO. McGee begging her to regret it and Ellie pulls a Gibbs and is like NOPE. WONDER WHERE THE FUCK SHE LEARNED THAT FROM HUH. Gibbs you are singlehandedly responsible for this shit and how Ellie broke Nick’s heart and whatever happens to her on this stupid mission. I’m glad your dumb boat blew up, you deserve it.

“I don’t want protection” because I can’t have you all following me.

“It kills me that I lied to the people I was closest to” not about what you think I’m lying about but what I’ve been hiding. It kills me that I can’t tell you the real reason for this. It kills me.

“It wasn’t years ago for us” McGee rip my heart out please it will hurt less. And Ellie just playing into all of it. Knowing that she needs him and everyone else to hate her and not trust her. Her entire livelihood and backstory rely on them hating her and not following her, believing she’s the enemy and she’s hid these kinds of secrets for so long. Believing she’s a criminal and it was all a farce. She has to play into it. She has to. It’s the only way she will survive, they’ll survive. Odette likely fed her this shit, cut all ties, make sure no one follows, make sure no one is attached, burn all bridges.

Ah and we’re back to pissed Nick. Nick who doesn’t like to be left in the dark ever, let alone when it deals with Bishop. Getting his edgy self being rude to Kasie but Kasie doesn’t even bat an eyelash. She knows Nick is hurting and she reaches out to him, she doesn’t take his tone to heart because she knows. Nick saying he wouldn’t know how she’s doing is just like a knife to the heart. He wants to know, desperately. He once thought he was the person she would go to in times like these but now all he’s getting is radio silence, a cold shoulder, and screened phone calls. He’s in visceral pain from the thought of her going through this alone, pain from everything he once thought true and good being destroyed in a day’s time. And Kasie is shocked that Nick hasn’t spoken to her. If that doesn’t tell you she knows that they are a thing and the gravity of all this, I don’t know what will. Nick should have spoken to her, clearly he wants to, in every other situation he would have already. But Kasie (and Jessica) just realized Ellie is shutting Nick out and that is Not Good.

Back to Gibbs. Fucking asshole he is. McGee comes to you desperate to help his sister, Gibbs’ “daughter” and he goes “I think she’s at a crossroads” ???? Acting like he didn’t fucking encourage her at this so-called crossroads???? Like ???? The fuck???? Her crossroads was painfully obvious when she came to talk to you and YOU basically treated her like you couldn’t care less about her. That you had no clue what she was dealing with in her life and said as much. So yeah, she WAS at a fucking crossroads until you SHOVED her into oncoming traffic and said have a nice fucking life. AND THEN. McGee wants to help her and Gibbs tells him he can’t??? “Not this time” bitch this is YOUR FAULT. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED HER. COULD HAVE TALKED TO HER AT LEAST SOMEWHAT AND YOU DIDN’T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REALIZE SHE WAS SPIRALING AND THAT YOU DIDN’T REGRET LEAVING YOUR SO-CALLED FOUND FAMILY IN THE DUST AND GUESS WHAT. SHE WENT AND PARROTED YOUR WORDS RIGHT BACK AT MCGEE SO FUCK YOU GIBBS.

Ooooh Nick looks lethal, love that look, hate why he has that look though. Lol Nick getting ready to go murder the dude in interrogation because he set up Ellie and he’s just ignoring the fact that she claims she committed treason because he already knows there is literally no way on earth that she did it. And Vance realizing that Nick needs to stand down like fiiiiiiinally someone realized it. Obviously he isn’t gonna listen and poor Nick, this boy has it bad and he’s truly just SO WORRIED for what Ellie is about to do. Because right there, the confirmation that the file was a plant, that was the final puzzle piece falling into its perfect place. Every single thing he questioned, every little moment he’d replayed in his head, it all made sense. And he was so very pissed she hadn’t come to him- and honestly I think part of him is trying to ignore the WHY that’s behind that because he truly wouldn’t be able to think straight if he went there. I think that would be his end, going into the why she didn’t trust him, why she lied, why it hurts him so much. It would be the end, and yet…we’re just beginning here. And of course he knows exactly who is manipulating Ellie, he hadn’t trusted that scum from the start. So of course he goes straight to Odette’s cabin and lays in wait, probably pouring over all the documents and things Ellie did or didn’t leave behind there.

Ellie pulling up in the truck and that heavy sigh? Yeah, she’s still not convinced this is a good idea. She’s running on emotions but that logical part of her (and deep down, her heart, knowing what she’s about to do- who she’s about to cut out of her life) is whispering of how very bad an idea this is. She still has to gather her willpower to get out of that car but when it’s Gibbs calling her? The same Gibbs that basically just kicked her out the door without so much as a wave goodbye? Yeah, the emotion just came rushing back, pushing the logic aside. She claims she can’t tell Nick because no shit if she has to look him in the face and lie and still say goodbye, it’ll kill her. She’s honestly not sure if she can go through with it.

OH we back to a Gibbs hate novel, hold on. “I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU BISHOP” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M REALLY PROUD YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WORKED FOR AWAY, PUSHING THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE, SACRIFICING YOUR ONE SHOT OF LOVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE DESERVE THE MOST. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. Oh fuck OFF Gibbs. “Following your gut” oh shut UP. I just don’t understand this part. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying so hard for it to make sense, for it to be in character. Like does Gibbs have any clue?? I’m sure he recognizes the signs, I’m sure he has an inkling at this point. So how would he be proud? How the FUCK would he say he’s learned some stuff from her. Does he mistakenly trust Odette because of what she did for Ziva? Is he just so self-absorbed he doesn’t completely comprehend what Ellie is doing leaving Nick behind??? And Rule 91 is a load of shit. “When you decide to walk away, don’t look back” how FUCKING STUPID. Like Gibbs of all people, you should understand that is a SHIT rule. You’ve lost the people you loved dearly and you think she should just never look back? Like are you saying this so that Ellie has a clear head for the undercover op? Are you hoping she doesn’t get herself killed by being wrapped up in what she left behind??? What the actual fuck. Stupid ass rule honestly. It’s what you live by Gibbs and look how well that turned out for you. Look at the family you ditched. Nice fucking job.

“It’s done” and “what are you talking about I did everything you asked” ok she’s 100% being manipulated and almost blackmailed somehow. There’s no other explanation. Eleanor Raye Bishop wouldn’t do this shit. Not willingly, not if she knew how much Nick loved her and how much she loved him (which if her words in just a minute are any indication, yeah she had a fucking clue). Odette calling Nick a loose end just SCREAMS how she purposefully fucking chose the moment Ellie and Nick started to get close to decide it was time for Ellie to go undercover. I just KNOW it. She’s a manipulative bitch and there is no limit to the rock bottom she will stoop to.

Ellie knows who she’s talking about and the just look of fuck I have to actually tell him to his face. The doubt and grief and guilt and all of it, flashing across her face as she realizes she has to do this. She has to face this, she has to lie. She has to break his trust (not that she hasn’t already) something SHE made so painstakingly clear she needed from Nick. Nick is rightfully *pissed* I mean who can blame him. Ellie with her, “I have nothing to be sorry for.” I know Ellie is just doing her best to burn bridges, the hesitation and avoidance leading up to this lends itself to no other interpretation. She is going to say anything and everything to make sure Nick does not follow her. Make sure he stays as far away as possible from her. She can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt in some way from all this. Even though he may not get physically hurt, I don’t think she realizes the heart break is going to be worse. The painful part is Nick understands, he understands why she wants to do undercover. He had seen that glimmer in her eye when they were Charlie and Luis, he gets it, he’s been there. And he wishes so desperately he could impress every lesson he’s learned on her right then and there but at the same time he knows it won’t change a thing. He just wishes in vain that their love would change her mind, even if logic wouldn’t, their love surely could. I think Ellie starts to realize just how much Nick can see through her and that’s why she owns up to the fact that Odette planted the files, and also why I believe the leak was all an elaborate hack that Ellie didn’t know about.

Then we get to the even more painful part of Nick giving us a glimpse of his raw heart. The why now with a voice crack and Ellie’s hedge at now wasn’t her choice with her own voice cracking, just is so so so telling. She could lie, she could really work at burning this relationship in a blaze of glory but she doesn’t, she owns up to the fact that she didn’t purposefully choose now (aka right when they were starting to figure things out between them), she’s not pulling the strings. Nick coming back with so you had a choice is like the little 5 year old boy whose dad is walking out on him again and it just HURTS. And at the same time Ellie is also the young, insecure agent right now who just wants to prove herself. She wants to be viewed as “ready” and the man whose opinion she bases way too much of her self-worth in didn’t say he was proud of her until she was upending her career to go on some deep cover op where she ditches everyone important in her life.

“How long?” “Too long.” Yeah ok FUCK ME. They both know exactly what they’re talking about without even saying the actual words. Ellie’s voice cracks once again because of the emotion in Nick’s voice and what he’s implying. It pains her to leave him and what they’re becoming behind. It viscerally hurts her, you can see it on her face. She doesn’t want it to be too long, but she knows it will be. She can’t fathom that he’d stay or wait for her, she doesn’t think she even deserves that.

Tbh it’s so hard to put this all into words. To fully convey to you how angry and hurt I am over this shit. Ellie’s being manipulated and hurt that she has to burn this bridge and push Nick as far away from her as possible. She thinks its her only out and what should be expected of her based off her conversation with Gibbs because then she parrots his exact words back at Nick when he begs, literally begs her to say something after she was willing to leave without saying goodbye (which we know is because she didn’t think she was going to be able to look Nick in the eye and still go through with it all), “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” like fuck you Gibbs for planting that in her head. There’s PLENTY left to be said. Clearly Nick was not pleased you blew him off Ellie, he wants you to say anything that would make this make sense (we all are tbh) and she says you know my *favorite* line, “I didn’t mean for us to happen.” Nick is all of us with his “something else” because WHAT THE FUCK. This is how I know Ellie was going full throttle with her strategy of pushing Nick away. This was the one thing she could say that would hit hardest for Nick. The man who is insecure about anyone truly loving him and him being a person deserving of a love that “stays” and for Ellie to say she didn’t mean to fall in love and even though they did she’s still going to leave because it was never in the plan, just damn, stab him in the back and twist that knife Ellie. And just like her body language this WHOLE TIME 💀💀💀 she’s just shaking her head because she doesn’t even believe her own words, she doesn’t want to confront this, she doesn’t want to end this. There’s tears in her eyes because everything she’s saying is a lie and it hurts it hurts so damn much but she has to. She’s been manipulated into believing she has to do this, has to say these things. And his body language too, I mean he is tight. He is standing so rigid, hands clasped behind his back because he’s trying to convey openness and vulnerability and it’s so much growth for Nick, so much growth and Ellie is still ripping his heart out and stomping on it. And when she chokes out that goodbye you can hear and feel how final she believes it to be. She doesn’t think he’ll stick around or even want to. In this vein I think she underestimates his love for her here. And if the show goes a different way with it, they’re little bitches. It is in character for Nick to do everything in his power and outside of the rules to find & save Ellie. I will riot if I don’t see unhinged Nick some point early in s19 (I say like I’m going to watch religiously), because that is the only logical reaction to her leaving like this.

The kiss. It’s a beautiful fucking kiss and it’s ruined by context. It’s an emotional kiss, Ellie throws her body behind it, gripping his face with both hands because she doesn’t want to let him go (even though she’s going to), she clutches to this memory like she clutches to his face. Nick’s clenched expression because he doesn’t want to open his heart up to more heartbreak but when he leans into the kiss and gives the kiss back you know he’s a goner. And maybe a part of him doesn’t care because this may be his last memory of her for a long time and he’s going to burn it into his memory too. It’s why he keeps his eyes shut after she’s left for so long, he doesn’t want to open them and the reality of her retreating back be the last thing he sees of Ellie. He wants the kiss to be the last thing, he doesn’t want to face his reality. His hands had even come out from behind his back, reaching out to her subconsciously willing her not to leave. Meanwhile, Ellie opens her eyes for that last kiss on the cheek to get one last long look at Nick, one last look that will hold her over for who knows how long. A look at his vulnerable face, a face she loves. A look that she hopes will keep her warm at night even though she knows she’ll never get it this close to her again because there’s no way in hell that Nick would entertain the thought of them together again after what she’s done. She doesn’t look back because she can’t. She can’t see Nick’s wounded face just standing there, broken or she won’t go. And Nick tries to stand resolute, the anger and pain flashing across his face before he grits his teeth together and *hopefully* resolves to find Odette and kill her I mean save Ellie I mean kill Odette 🙊

Anyways, there’s only a very specific way this entire finale makes sense. And I know Emily’s pregnancy threw it for a loop, but they can still SOMEWHAT fix this. Do I think they will? Hell fucking no. I have zero expectations, in fact negative expectations. I have a feeling what we were supposed to see is Nick going on an absolute swan rampage to find Ellie and clear her name throughout the first couple episodes of s19 and with Emily leaving the show, I’m not sure how they’ll twist this. I can see why they thought this was a fun cliffhanger because it would eventually be resolved and I do believe they would’ve eventually gotten ellick together after Nick found her. But unless Emily comes back at the end of the show, that won’t happen, at least not on screen. And with that I just 🥲 I’m still mad, I’m still broken inside but yeah. I’m a masochist before anything else apparently and so I made myself rewatch and write this out. A bittersweet pissed off adieu to the WWR. maybe one day i’ll find another ship & show that gets this level of meta out of me, but it’s been real ellick, it’s been really real ❤️

#ncis #ellick #wwr #anti gibbs #seriously do not read if you like gibbs #this is your warning and if you send me hate anon for my take after i warned you you're asking for it #6k of 3 months of emotions right here on the day of the premiere #truly bittersweet to say goodbye to the wwr in such a shitty way #if there's even people still reading/following along #thank you ❤️

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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The different aspects of Miyako’s personality and character arc

Miyako is a character where there’s just a lot going on with her in general, and asking different people to summarize Miyako in one phrase could feasibly get you some very different answers -- “the computer nerd girl”, or “the one who keeps talking about boys”, or “the one who panics all of the time”, or whatnot. Given that there’s so much to unpack at once even from her base profile, ironing out the full extent of her character arc can get a bit tricky, and there’s a lot going on with it. So, given that: Who is Miyako, anyway?

Miyako’s background and personality

Miyako is a character that I think is best understood by understanding what kind of person she is, and the personality and mentality she goes into the story of 02 with.

An interesting background story behind Miyako’s creation is that she’s based off a real person -- more accurately, a certain assistant producer on the series (whose identity has remained undisclosed, presumably for privacy reasons) was used as a reference for her behavior and actions. Although Adventure and 02 have a philosophy of portraying realistic human behavior in general, this level of specificity is a unique designation to have, and series director Kakudou Hiroyuki has referred to this a few times over the years -- it seems she’s the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have such a concrete single-person reference, and it’s also the reason her blood type of AB and star sign Gemini were given in 02 episode 25 (the other kids don’t have mentioned birthdays or blood types to prevent personality restrictions via horoscoping, but a real person having Miyako’s personality, star sign, and blood type wouldn’t make that as much of an issue). Even Volcano Ota himself confirmed Miyako’s resemblance to her upon hearing it after the fact! Indeed, a lot of 02 fans (especially adults) have admitted that Miyako’s probably one of the most relatable people in the cast, namely because her gushing about things she likes and panicking at things that overwhelm her is...well, a bit too uncomfortably on-point at times.

(And especially since so much about Miyako’s character has to do with how happy she makes everyone around her, it’s not too hard to imagine that the staff was so fond of her real-life inspiration that they wanted to pay tribute to her in such a way...)

Still, Miyako is a fictional character, one with her own backstory and interactions in 02′s story, and said backstory is such: she comes from a family that runs a convenience store in Odaiba, and is the youngest of a family of four siblings. Running a convenience store on a small island means that Miyako has probably seen a lot of the island’s residents, and her family also has various levels of connections to the other kids’ families (her older sisters Momoe and Chizuru are friends of Daisuke’s sister Jun, and Chizuru is Yamato’s classmate). Moreover, she’s befriended her nine-year-old neighbor (one who otherwise has trouble socializing with his peers) to the point of regularly going over to do computer repairs for his family. She’s also worked in the computer club under Koushirou, and even before the series has started, she looks up to him and adores him in a way not entirely unlike how Daisuke looks up to Taichi -- and although it’s unclear whether or not she started after the beginning of 02, 02 episode 29 reveals that she helps Yamato with his band.

The pattern here is that Miyako is extremely sociable, and one who actively pokes her nose into nearly everything so she can help out. This makes her a very different sort of Mom Friend from Sora -- both of them are Crest of Love holders for good reason, but in Sora’s case, she was compulsively going out of her way to help other people to the point of exhaustion, and her character arc was about trying to find a way to detach herself from obligations and do something for herself. Miyako is the complete opposite -- she’s the kind of extrovert who actively enjoys poking her head into other people’s business, picking up a bunch of peripheral hobbies so she can do something useful for everyone and go I’M HELPING!! If you actually look closely at those hobbies of “computer programming and hacking”, “hardware tinkering”, and “sound engineering”, other than vaguely being related to computers, they are completely different skillsets, and every single one of them is one Miyako’s depicted employing in order to help someone else out. (Koushirou is never really depicted as having super amazingly high technical skill and most of his unique talent comes from being a thorough analyst, but in contrast, while Miyako is established as being good at even hacking in Diablomon Strikes Back, she doesn’t really seem to have a huge propensity for deep analytical thought.) It’s hard to tell if she has any personal preference for any of them as much as she basically turned herself into a jack-of-all-trades so she could do whatever job was necessary for someone else.

If we’re to believe the official 02 site, Miyako’s been a bit pampered by her family -- as the youngest of four siblings, she’s the “baby of the family”, who hasn’t had to live with a ton of responsibility for others. This means that, much like Mimi, she seems to have been raised surrounded by a ton of affection, which is why she herself is such an openly affectionate person who’s open-minded towards trying all sorts of things, and why she’s used to wanting to help others by actively throwing herself into situations -- but it also means that, being the youngest of a family who is now in the situation of being the oldest in a new group, she ends up in Jou’s situation of suddenly being faced with the pressure of the concept of proper responsibility for others.

As far as Miyako’s general personality goes, she is constantly overflowing with affection and cheer and a desire to dote on everyone -- but the flip side is that she’s also aggressive. She has zero sense of restraint. (If you ever get around to listening to the Japanese version of 02, Natsuki Rio’s performance is energetic and over-the-top in almost every way imaginable to the point that you get the impression of Miyako as someone who doesn’t easily run out of batteries -- at least, until things start getting really serious.) When she loves something, she’ll gush about it as if there were hearts floating around her (and, depending on the level of closeness, even jump in and physically hug them), and she has no qualms against physically manhandling if she feels she needs to, and if she dislikes something, she will make it very clear (including yelling very loudly about it). You could argue that she’s actually closer to the archetype of the brash shounen protagonist than Daisuke himself is!

In fact, Miyako and Daisuke have very similar temperaments -- pure-hearted, but also rough around the edges -- but can be distinguished by the fact that while Daisuke is actually deferential and somewhat lacking in assertion, Miyako is actually aggressive, and while Daisuke’s “honesty about his feelings” is mainly because he’s too simple-minded to be any good at hiding anything, Miyako’s honesty is because she has no brain-to-mouth filter, and everything she’s thinking comes out of her mouth before she can control it -- in other words, Miyako has a huge case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. She doesn’t want to be insensitive, but it keeps coming out of her mouth before she can control it -- and even worse, her emotions are prone to taking control of her, and she is very prone to getting overwhelmed and collapsing into a massive panic.

If you think about the two archetypes of “girl who takes care of everyone” and “aggressive action girl”, Miyako has a tendency towards both at once, and moreover there’s an extra nail in it -- most “action girls” in the latter category would be portrayed as badass, put-together characters with a cool personality, but Miyako is a mess. She’s prone to panicking, all over the place, and her tendency to get in-your-face is not exactly in the most dignified manner. And as a result, a huge part of her character arc (as we will be going more into detail about below) is that she’s aware of this and doesn’t like this about herself -- because she doesn’t want to be insensitive or rude, and in fact she wants to be someone who can better help and take care of others, but, in her mind, her own personality keeps getting in the way.

Miyako in 02

After fully becoming a Chosen Child in 02 episode 2, it only takes one more episode for Miyako to bring food for everyone, as if to say “Right! I’m going to be working with everyone now! All of you are now my new best friends!” (”Bringing food for people” is one of Miyako’s many ways of showing love, given that she returns from Kyoto in 02 episode 34 and immediately hands off souvenir yatsuhashi to Koushirou.) And with that, Miyako settles into the archetype of the group’s “mood maker” -- someone whose role is to keep everyone in emotionally high spirits by influencing everyone with cheer and energy. 02 episode 5 features the debut of her famous “Digital Gate, open! Chosen Children, let’s roll!” catchphrase -- this and her other famous “Bingo!” catchphrase establish her as the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have a catchphrase (at least, in the Japanese version). Because catchphrases are fun.

As much as everyone (especially Daisuke) is a bit blindsided by her behavior at first, they eventually come to embrace the positive effect she has on all of them -- Daisuke very genuinely asks her for “the usual cheer” in 02 episode 10, and, all the way in 02 episode 22, this is such an agreed-on and established role that they’ll still wait on her to do the honors even when they’re in a hurry. So in other words, it didn’t take long for Miyako to go out of her way to shower everyone with cheer, and it didn’t take long for everyone to answer to that cheer and appreciate her for it.

The flip side of this, however, is that Miyako doesn’t start off being very emotionally equipped to handle this -- right off the bat in 02 episode 2, she says that she’s not inclined for fighting, and in 02 episode 4, she refers to it as being “like an adventure game”. That is to say, she’s not at the point where she’s able to handle the full gravity of what she’s just involved herself with (Daisuke reminds her that she’d panicked earlier, but she just blows it off). She’s handling it so cheerfully now because the series is still in its early stages, when she can enter and exit the Digital World at will, and she’s capable of treating it like this.

So when the stakes do get higher, she’s the first one to take the stress hard. As mentioned before, she’s the youngest in her family, now recast as the oldest in this group -- but unlike Jou, who consciously knew this fact and took stress onto himself because of the responsibility this entailed, Miyako seems to repeatedly forget that she’s the oldest in this group, and the events of 02 episodes 9-10 (when Agumon is kidnapped) cause her to break down from stress and have to take a time-out. (Which everyone allows her to do, because this is not a series where people are pressured to fight if they’re not emotionally ready for it.) Miyako comes to terms with the fact that the stakes are going to keep escalating, and she can’t just gloss over everything with cheer -- and she does manage to pull herself enough to bring Yamato into the fray at the end of the episode, but this continues to be a recurring theme for the rest of her character arc.

While we’re discussing these early parts of the series, one thing I want to briefly address is the part where Miyako infamously calls a lot of people hot. (Although, not as many as the fanbase would love to make you think; it’s only four people in total.) This tends to get her pinned as some kind of flirt whose head is only filled with being hot for people, but while she’s certainly a bit on the shallow end at this point of the series -- dealing with that being what this character arc is about, after all -- this trait of hers tends to get exaggerated by a lot of people in the audience as if she’s completely lacking in common sense. Miyako’s ridiculous (and we love her for it), but she does have some degree of grip on herself! Context is important here -- she might show a crush on someone, but at no point in the series itself does Miyako show any indication of seriously thinking of full-on dating.

For Miyako, who’s accustomed to just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, commenting on someone being hot is like commenting on the weather -- she means it as a compliment, but there’s no evidence she thinks she has a chance with any of them, let alone wanting to try dating. This is especially when you take into account her self-esteem issues that we learn about later in the series, and also...well, the fact she’s only twelve. (Remember: even Daisuke’s thing for Hikari comes out as a lot of unfocused affection, and it’s unlikely he’s seriously considered the concept of following that up with a serious relationship -- any serious prospects of romance or dating are not going to be on the table for these kids for a while.) Miyako has also been accused by some of being abysmally shallow for still complimenting Ken’s looks in 02 episode 9 (after it’s already apparent he’s the Kaiser), but although she certainly is a bit shallow at this point of the series, she’s not that lacking in common sense; Iori got in on it too in this scene, and both of them were doing it to tease Daisuke more than they seriously wanted to compliment the Kaiser all that much. So in essence, it’s just “Miyako has eyes” -- she still completely agrees he’s their enemy and she’s not going to judge him any better for his looks, but she also doesn’t see this as a reason to lie about the fact she thinks he’s visually good-looking, especially if it’s to tease Daisuke about it.

In any case, 02 episode 14 digs a lot more into Miyako’s stance on herself regarding others -- in 02 episode 6, Miyako met Mimi for the first time, and latched onto her for their similar dispositions and her looking up to Mimi for being beautiful, amazing, and cool (and she should, because she’s right). 02 episode 14 adds another layer to this, however, when Miyako spends the duration negatively comparing herself to Mimi. At first it starts off as simply just shallow jealousy for Michael giving Mimi more attention, but as the situation with Digitamamon escalates, Miyako spends a prolonged period of time trying to figure out Mimi’s behavior of pure-heartedly choosing to trust Digitamamon despite everything, against Miyako’s insistence that Digitamamon’s behavior proves that he was untrustworthy the whole time.

Mimi and Miyako’s stances are both on extremes here -- Mimi’s pacifistic tendencies are causing her to let her get beaten up by Digitamamon despite the fact that “appealing to people’s hearts” has never really been demonstrated as a good way to get Evil Rings off (to be fair, this is probably the first time they’ve made an attempt at this with a Digimon that can still talk coherently with it on), but Miyako’s acting as if this retroactively proves him to be untrustworthy even though she knows that the Evil Rings are tantamount to brainwashing. Nevertheless, Miyako acknowledges that her own stance was borne out of her being shallow and judgmental, especially since the discussion between Mimi and Digitamamon brings out a question about the meaning of the “true self”.

Miyako, at this point, is confronting everything that’s bad about herself -- that she’s shallow and not as much of a “good person” as Mimi is. But the Crest of Purity -- once meaning “lack of malice” back when it applied to Mimi in Adventure -- now has a secondary meaning of “not lying to oneself” (the dub translation of “Sincerity” is not actually that off in this sense), and it also means that Miyako is not going to get anywhere pretending or forcing herself to be someone she’s not. The secondary Digimental arc has a recurring theme of understanding that there are still things you need to learn and improve on in order to do better, and this is Miyako’s version of it -- she will have to acknowledge all of the bad parts of herself before she can get anywhere and become a kind person like Mimi is -- and, indeed, becoming less shallow and judgmental and not jumping to conclusions, and learning to reach out to more substantial cores of the problem, ends up becoming a major part of her character arc in the latter half of the series.

This episode also implies one more thing, even if she doesn’t realize it yet at this moment: the path to her becoming a less shallow and more considerate person is not going to involve trying to force herself to be like Mimi, but rather in a way that’s closer to her “true self”.

Miyako’s first major turning point is in 02 episode 18, an episode that’s said to have such a profound impact on her that even Natsuki Rio testified to having to alter her Miyako performance thereafter.

Back in 02 episode 10, Miyako first started to realize that this whole experience of fighting as a Chosen Child was a lot more stressful than it seemed at first, and reacted badly to it. Here, the ante gets upped even more -- the kids decide to make use of their summer break and organize a Digital World stakeout, and, eventually, Hikari accidentally becomes indirectly responsible for tipping Miyako over the deep end by making an implication that they need more “determination” to the point of refusing to leave until they’ve beaten the Kaiser. (Remember that Hikari can be terrifyingly assertive as long as it’s not something to do with herself.) For Miyako, who’s never had the same experience of being in the Digital World for a prolonged period of time the same way the Adventure group has, this is terrifying, and she tries to “get herself together” over the night -- only to completely overshoot it and go into the complete other extreme. As much as this ends up being one of Miyako’s peak hilarity moments, it’s most certainly representative of her being under a huge amount of pressure and stress, and it’s effectively her “peak worst” moment -- which results in Hawkmon ending up having to cover for her, and getting injured in the process, and Miyako immediately realizing how badly she’d messed up.

Miyako is thus forced to face a major consequence of her behavior: if she doesn’t manage to figure out a way to get herself under control, other people will be hurt, and as someone who wants to do her best for other people, that’s one of the worst possible outcomes for her.

In addition, it’s also important to point out Hikari’s role in this. The Jogress arcs have yet to set in, but the series still gives you a little preview of what’s to come eventually, such as the insight we get about Daisuke and Ken’s initial attitudes towards each other in 02 episode 8, and Iori later personally witnessing (and being very disturbed by) Takeru losing his composure in 02 episode 19. In this case, we see a bit of what Miyako and Hikari’s opposing personalities can offer for each other (especially since the later 02 episode 31 more heavily involves Miyako returning the favor in the other direction) -- Hikari correctly identifies exactly what it was that set Miyako off, takes responsibility for it, and even decides to make sure Miyako and Hawkmon get proper alone time so that they can figure things out. In general, everyone in the 02 team is understanding of Miyako’s antics and doesn’t hold any of it against her because she’s doing her best, but right now, Hikari may be the only person in this group who can actually proactively do something about it, because Daisuke’s not assertive enough to step in, Takeru has a tendency to dodge things whenever they get awkward, and Iori’s holding himself back too much for the sake of manners (especially in the presence of Miyako, who’s the oldest one in this group). But while Hikari does have an emotional repression problem, she’s perfectly capable of holding herself together and putting her foot down when it comes to other people, and because of this, she’s the one who’s able to understand what exactly is going on with Miyako, and how to adjust the situation around her to make things easier for her.

Miyako and Hawkmon have a proper heart-to-heart, and we see more of Miyako’s self-hating tendencies going on here -- she refers exactly to her problems with impulse control, and even labels herself a “bad partner” as a result. But Hawkmon reassures her that she’s fine the way she is, and it ties into how a larger theme of her character arc will involve her learning to find better ways to channel the qualities she already has, rather than trying to force herself to be someone she’s not.

Once the Kaiser is defeated, the second half of the series is where we start to see Miyako’s growth start to really kick in. In 02 episode 24, there’s a short blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene where Miyako suddenly takes Daisuke and puts him in charge of taking care of the Punimon. Why is this important? Because two episodes prior, Daisuke had been running around in circles like an idiot due to having been third wheeled by Takeru and Hikari, and the moment Daisuke started exhibiting similar signs this time, Miyako personally stepped in and gave him a job to do -- and her actions of keeping an eye on them and her conversation with Takeru and Hikari indicate that she did it exactly because she figured that he would like it. Or, in other words, Miyako correctly identified Daisuke’s need for validation and purpose, and became the first person to proactively do something to address it -- Hikari and Takeru had generally been dodging it awkwardly for the duration of the series, which had only really been making it worse, and, in the absence of another crisis to take care of or someone like Ken to fill the void in Daisuke’s life, Miyako was able to properly figure out exactly what he needed at the moment as a stopgap, and thus is starting to settle into her proper role of understanding what others need in terms of emotional support and actively working to address it.

Since the second half of 02 is dedicated to Ken slowly establishing his place in the group, 02 episode 25 is dedicated to Miyako tussling with her conflicted feelings on the situation -- she’s just as open-minded and pure-hearted as Daisuke is, but the one thing that’s bothering her is that she’s a little more doubtful than he is in regards to whether Ken’s heart is really in the right place with all of this. She says, outright, that she believes he’s learned his lesson -- in a way far more firm than Takeru, Hikari, and Iori are about it -- but that one thing about him having potentially killed Thunderballmon in cold blood doesn’t fit the optimistic image she’d like to have of him.

Daisuke is more practical-minded than she is and is more willing to accept that there might have been a good reason -- especially since he himself starts to consider in this very episode that killing an enemy may be necessary if it’s the only way to prevent more victims -- but Miyako is more emotionally oriented and just can’t accept the idea of doing this at all. Both the internal debate over accepting Ken and the internal debate over having to potentially do a kill tear her apart over the course of this episode, and Miyako finds herself constantly waffling back and forth between the two positions. It’s not just her expressing minor doubt; she actually agonizes over this for the duration of the night and the next day, to the point she even considers asking him about it (and eventually can’t bring herself to).

It’s also made a prominent point that Miyako’s prior attraction to Ken in 02 episode 8 was not the reason she wanted to be optimistic about him -- remember, back in 02 episode 14, she completely admitted that she judges people by appearances, but at this point she’s well past that! Miyako takes this entire issue of whether Ken should be considered a friend very seriously, and that’s why it torments her so much over the course of the episode.

Eventually, all is resolved (at least, for the time being) when it turns out that Ken has been dealing with non-sentient Dark Tower Digimon, and Miyako takes this as sufficient evidence that Ken has changed -- the morality debate about killing comes back in full force in 02 episode 43, and Ken himself ends up just as shaken about it, so the important part is that she understands that he’s trustworthy and wants to put faith in him. Attention is also given to Miyako deciding she’ll now call him by given name (”Ken-kun”) from now on -- even Daisuke himself won’t start calling him “Ken” regularly until 02 episode 39, but Miyako starts slowly inserting given-name basis for Ken into her vocabulary from this point on until she finally commits to it fully in 02 episode 30. This is a proactive and conscious act on Miyako’s part that she actively wants to get to know him better and consider him a close friend, and it’s because of this that she ends up one of the only people who never gets habituated into surname basis with him by the time everyone’s come to properly befriend him.

So, at this point: Within only one episode (and, in-universe, one day), Daisuke and Miyako landed on the same page with their ideological stance towards Ken. They’re both open-minded and forward-thinking, and have an interest in becoming his friend (the next person to show active and open goodwill towards him, Hikari, won’t do so for another 9 episodes). However, despite their surface temperaments being somewhat similar, they have some differences in their priorities and way of approaching things, and it means that each of them ends up reaching out to Ken in ways that the other isn’t as good at. Daisuke, being the very practical and simple-minded sort who doesn’t overthink things or get caught in arbitrary philosophy, is the one who most proactively reaches out to Ken and most famously connects with him the most due to Ken very badly needing guidance in how to move on forward and stop getting fixated on his past. Miyako, on the other hand, being very much the type to consciously think about things (to the point of sometimes thinking about too many things at once) and focus on “how do I most show my support for someone right now?”, puts her priorities on checking on Ken’s current emotional state and actively attempting to glean his feelings and position. 02 being a series about relationships and what people can provide for each other, this ends up reflecting on their roles in the group as a whole -- Daisuke becomes the person who can pull everyone forward in determining the best thing to do, whereas Miyako fills in the parts his rough-around-the-edges demeanor doesn’t quite cover in terms of supporting everyone emotionally and keeping them together.

And thus, Miyako resolves to “wait” until the day Ken will join them -- that is to say, she takes the stance that Ken deserves proper space and to come on his own terms. It’s an interesting inversion of the usual roles you’d expect from Daisuke and Miyako at this point -- and, again, since 02 is about relationships, “each character’s approach towards the new kid and how it impacts them” reflects a lot about their own characters. For Daisuke and Miyako, who were open-minded towards Ken early in the game, you can already see the impact on them -- the necessity of reaching out to Ken causes the normally deferential Daisuke to become more proactive and put his foot down, whereas the normally uncontrollably in-your-face Miyako comes to understand when something needs to be handled delicately and starts getting a better grasp on the concept of restraint.

Which means that Miyako’s actions regarding Ken in the following episodes are significantly more passive than Daisuke’s are, but it’s clear that she’s still supportive. Moreover, it’s also important to establish that she and Daisuke aren’t fighting about this or anything -- Miyako does want Ken to come around eventually, so she doesn’t stop the more proactive Daisuke from reaching out to Ken in an important way, but she instead exerts her position in ways such as joining in with the others reminding him that Ken might have gotten a bit emotionally overwhelmed by the Jogress (and thus that it’s understandable that he might need some time to parse this before pushing the issue further). The way Miyako words this statement so casually can easily be a distraction from the fact that she is completely correct -- as we see later, Ken did emotionally freak out the moment the incident was resolved and had to go home to think about this. Scatterbrained as Miyako may seem, as the series proceeds, it turns out that she has a natural propensity for empathy that means she’s capable of making perfectly correct readings of the situation, even without her thinking that hard about it.

Not that she’s correct all of the time, though. 02 episode 30 has her attempt to get Ken and Iori to hopefully be a little less tense around each other end in complete disaster (although to be fair to her, it’s not like she and Daisuke were particularly forceful about it, it’s just that their plan was so poorly set up that it was too easy to read the motive behind, and it’s ultimately thrown off because -- as Daisuke correctly points out -- the two are being really childish about it.) But in response, Miyako takes direct action and responsibility to fix the situation when Ken continues to refuse to help despite how badly the situation is escalating, and when she finally reaches him, she gets frustrated at the fact he’s being so stubborn, smacks him, and personally drags him back over. Miyako cared a lot about this, she had wanted Ken and Iori to get along for no reason of personal benefit to herself but more because she cared that much about the group’s dynamic and friendship, and she’d held herself back so much because she was worried about him, but here he’s taking all of that and still giving them all the cold shoulder when everyone is in grave danger, and all of that frustration causes her to break down at once.

And note Ken’s reaction -- he’d been holding off on the grounds that he was being a burden on everyone’s friendship, but he sees Miyako distraught and upset and calling him an idiot (i.e. his whole pretense of not hurting others has clearly not worked here), and his “idiot...?” comes out flustered and off-guard, and he shows no resentment towards her thereafter and comes quietly with no protest, even holding a hand to the place she’d smacked him as if mulling in agreement that he deserved that. So, again: Even when Miyako is coming to all of these conclusions in a haphazard manner, it doesn’t change the fact that her readings of these situations are often completely correct.

02 episode 31 is another landmark episode in which we get a lot of insight into Miyako’s current feelings regarding herself in comparison to others, and what she’s trying to achieve at this point in the series. Daisuke makes an offhand remark at the beginning of the episode about Hikari being more “kind” than Miyako (”kind” having a double meaning of “gentle” in Japanese, so Daisuke’s mainly referring to Miyako being such a rough and belligerent person). The way Miyako takes this statement indicates that Daisuke had accidentally just hit a very deep-seated complex within her -- Miyako had never liked the fact she was aggressive and belligerent and in-your-face (remember, back in 02 episode 14, she was constantly negatively comparing herself to Mimi for not being as good of a person as her, and now this has extended to Hikari, who “keeps so much inside”.). As the crisis in the episode escalates, Miyako continues to fall victim to her foot-in-mouth syndrome, saying things and instantly regretting it, because she sees herself as making the situation worse -- and especially when it comes to a situation also involving Ken, whom she’s actively trying to reach out to right now. Her frustration at the fact she can’t see what Ken and Hikari see is because, unable to understand what they’re talking about or what their feelings are, she’s basically a sitting duck who can’t do anything while things are getting worse for them.

Which ultimately results in Miyako completely losing her marbles and Hikari having to smack her out of it -- again, recall that in 02 episode 18, it was shown that Hikari is one of the few people who has enough assertiveness to be able to rein in Miyako’s behavior, and even outright admits that Miyako is a bit of a handful. Miyako, as it seems, had been carrying a complex that Hikari had been thinking of her badly for all of this -- but Hikari then proceeds to reveal the flip side of all of this: she’s also conversely jealous of Miyako for being able to express herself so clearly and easily, because she herself is the type who compulsively represses her own feelings about herself, which is why nobody had been able to properly reach out to her for the duration of Adventure and 02.

For someone who had spent so much time considering herself a “bad person” and a “worse person” in comparison to people like Mimi and Hikari, that someone considers her qualities outright enviable is a huge deal -- it’s not that Miyako’s an objectively worse person than all of the other people who aren’t as rough or in-your-face, but rather, that those qualities can bring out positive things in their own way. And, immediately after that, we see one of those things -- she makes Hikari laugh, thanks to her antics. Of course, it involves Miyako being a bit all over the place and making a lot of mistakes, but even she admits “I guess it is funny.”

And there’s another thing to this, too: Miyako continues to end up with foot-in-mouth as she casually refers to things like the Evil Ring and Ken being the Kaiser with zero fanfare, before realizing seconds after that she probably shouldn’t be doing that in front of him, but, once again, even without her realizing, her evaluation is not incorrect -- although the fact he’s extremely out of it doesn’t make that clear quite yet in this episode, Ken is not the kind of person who’s touchy about acknowledging that he was the Kaiser, and, by his own statement in 02 episode 23, his stance is that he wants to “accept everything about it”, take responsibility, and move on. So here we are with Miyako, who just casually tossed that statement out like it was no big deal, has accepted his past with no lingering grudge against him, and even made a casual evaluation about him presumably having the same resilience he had as the Kaiser, which, again, is completely accurate. All of this is exactly the kind of attitude that Ken needs to be surrounded by right now, and Miyako had just touched on this without even thinking that hard about it, and also is still making it clear she doesn’t want him to feel bad about it...

And so, the episode’s climax has Miyako finally attaining the solution to the question of reaching out to Hikari, the one that nobody had been able to successfully accomplish throughout Hikari’s childhood of never expressing herself properly and the majority of Adventure and 02: to get Hikari to stop being so passive and accepting her inevitable fate because she doesn’t want to burden others, someone as aggressive as her will need to reach her and yank her out, and hit all of the exact points about understanding that someone will be there for her and that she should not accept this defeatist mentality. Hikari is unusually, unhealthily passive, and Miyako, being outwardly aggressive and someone who never hesitates to be blunt about things, is the best person to yank her out of this; it was never a sign of her being a “bad person”, just something she needed to channel in the right direction.

At the end of the episode, we’re also reminded once again that this is a series about relationships, so this kind of growth is important to everyone’s relationships with others as well -- thanks to Miyako’s efforts, Hikari is finally able to speak honestly with Takeru in contrast to her way of leaving off in silence with him at the end of 02 episode 13, and Miyako herself is happy that she’s finally gotten to have a better understanding of both Hikari, whom she herself had been unsure about the position of earlier, and Ken, whom she’d been worried she hadn’t been reaching out to in the right way.

While Ken was out of it during said episode and unable to coherently respond, we do get confirmation that he himself has hopped on the train of respecting Miyako’s intent well enough that he doesn’t hold anything over her -- during 02 episode 33, a mere three episodes after she’d personally slapped him in the face and two episodes after he’d practically seen her at her emotional worst, he still takes it upon himself to personally deliver Poromon to Kyoto and trust her to handle the rest. This isn’t that particularly interesting by itself, but moreso in terms of the context this is in -- this is a point where Ken’s still at awkward arm’s length with a lot of the team (including even Daisuke, in some ways), and he’s seen Miyako do all of the above messy things only not too long ago, but he still is comfortable enough around her and trusting enough in her abilities that he’s okay with casually approaching her and saying “you got this.” So it’s working, all things considered!

We also learn that Miyako had trusted Koushirou with Poromon during her trip to Kyoto, which says a lot about the fact she trusts her senior that much -- and, on a meta level, seems there specifically to facilitate the existence of the above scene (it would have been very easy to save time by just having Poromon accompany Miyako from the get-go and ending Ken’s involvement in the episode at his conversation with Koushirou...).

The following episodes also meanwhile establish that Miyako’s relationship with Hikari has been improving a lot -- with Miyako now actually understanding what Hikari needs, she’s much more proactive in reaching out to Hikari, and it’s even said directly by Iori in 02 episode 36 that their relationship seems to have gotten much better now. And, once again, Miyako’s antics are depicted as making people laugh -- note her and Hawkmon’s over-the-top advertisement performance doing so for everyone in the vicinity.

Which is also reinforced, again, in 02 episode 38, when this even spreads to Ken himself, in a moment that’s said to be particularly unusual and portrayed as one of the first times Ken has been able to be truly carefree in a long time. Again, the point here is: Miyako’s “all-over-the-place” nature brings joy to other people, and that “she makes people laugh” is continually reinforced as a symbol of this over the course of the second half of the series.

Beyond that, the visit to Ken’s house kicks off with Miyako noticing the picture of Osamu and asking about it, to the point she’s shown leaning over and staring at it for quite a while -- Koushirou had allegedly informed her about it earlier, and a whole point is made that she’s the one very prominently wanting to understand more about Ken and his background.

Also, Miyako reminds us all that she still does think Ken is attractive, but it’s a huge contrast to her behavior from back in 02 episode 8, when she knew nothing about him except that he was some celebrity genius boy -- she got completely worked up about it, moped about it for a whole day, and even dragged the fixation into the next day when she started aggressively confronting Daisuke about it, but we’re here 30 episodes later with Miyako actually considering him an important friend that she respects the feelings of, and she simply casually tosses out the statement of him being cute in her usual “like it’s commenting on the weather” manner, with no extra weirdness about it.

We close up some of the threads of Miyako's character arcs when Miyako herself is forced to confront the possibility of fighting an enemy to the kill in 02 episode 44, and Silphymon is eventually forced to kill LadyDevimon to save Miyako's life. Miyako’s emotional reaction is given the most attention here, since she herself had fixated so much on the horror of potentially killing Golemon back in 02 episode 25 -- in fact, everything Miyako does in this episode is about her emotional empathy and empathy for others, in that she rails on LadyDevimon for being a “coward” who hurts other people. Eventually, it’s once again the assertive Hikari who’s able to get her back on her feet by putting it in a way she can understand -- they were not doing it out of a callous and cruel intent to kill, but to save the exact victims that Miyako herself wanted to prevent.

And, even to the very end of the series, Miyako continues to channel her proactivity into emotional awareness first and foremost -- 02 episode 46 has her take the lead in the Dark Seed roundtable, and it’s implied that she’s doing this mainly because she knows this is a very personal issue for Ken to have to witness. In contrast to the way she frantically started spitting out potentially insensitive things in front of Ken in 02 episode 31, here, she outright says that she doesn’t want to make him feel bad about this (and, fortunately, he understands perfectly well that she’s trying). Even all the way to the very end in 02 episode 50, she’s the one who first brings up the question of the issue, because of how emotionally invested she got into this and her high level of awareness as to how deeply this impacted Ken.

In 02 episode 49, BelialVamdemon presents everyone in the team with a potential deep-seated desire that none of them want to admit, and in the case of Miyako’s, it ends up being a rather tame thing in comparison to Iori and Takeru’s more severe family issues, Hikari’s desire for WORLD PEACE!!, and Ken’s complicated feelings about punishment and forgiveness. In Miyako’s dream world, she’s just eating cake, and it says a lot about the fact that were it not for the fact that she overthinks things and often gets easily stressed, she’s fundamentally fairly free of deep-seated issues in a way not entirely dissimilar to Daisuke’s simple and pure-hearted way of life.

The thing that causes Miyako’s issue is often misinterpreted to be about her selfishly wanting everything to herself, or the idea she’s fighting for attention with her siblings, but Hawkmon actually says what the real problem is in direct words: her crowded family is “noisy”. Or in other words -- Miyako, being the overly empathetic type and someone who easily succumbs to stress, is just really overwhelmed and stressed because of everything around her.

An interesting thing about Miyako’s “illusion” is that it’s the only one that in itself starts making its victim feel lonely and sad even before it’s taken away or dispelled -- Takeru and Iori had to have their happy images pulled away from them, Hikari had to have Tailmon clarify that everything is fake, and Ken had to have Wormmon personally chase the image of his brother away. But in the case of Miyako, all Hawkmon has to do is ask if she’s happy right now, and she’s quick to admit that she’s not. It’s just that everything was stressful and overwhelming and there was so much to deal with all of the time, and for once she wanted to be able to enjoy a little peace, but she loves her family and she loves everyone around her and she doesn’t want to be alone, and she’d rather have them back even if it’s stressful. Miyako’s love for others is so strong that even an illusion supposedly made to cater to her won’t make her happy if everyone’s gone.

Miyako also takes the moment to realize that for all Hawkmon’s been going out of his way to be steadfast and loyal to her, she hasn’t been doing enough to understand her own partner in turn, and there’s still a lot more she can do in terms of thinking of others.

Miyako after 02

As per Spring 2003, once Miyako graduates elementary school and moves to middle school, she continues trying to be helpful to her juniors -- she joins the computer club and once again ends up under Koushirou, and now outright makes music for Yamato’s band (some creative differences aside). It’s also interesting to note her attitude towards her other friends when she tries to recruit them into her music unit -- she snarks at everyone right up until she gets to Ken, who declines politely, and in exchange, she just can't bring herself to be mean to him and simply apologizes for asking too much. It’s ambiguous whether this is because she’s still trying to have a heightened level of consideration around him (this is still only four months after 02′s finish, after all), but it seems she’s still concerned about the idea of handling him overly roughly, and is able to exercise a proper level of restraint about him.

Which brings us all the way to Kizuna, a whole eight years later where we have to fill in a lot of blanks about what’s been happening in the meantime, but the official website establishes that she’s now pursuing a degree in computer programming at an engineering university, and is now on study abroad in Spain (implied to be Barcelona, given details in both the movie itself and the drama CD). Pretty ambitious stuff!...or at least that’s the first impression one would get, until it turns out that she’s getting her flighty personality enabled by the local culture. As we learn in the drama CD, she’s absolutely taking the time to milk this entire situation so she can play around -- and, in accordance with how she was established to be an important factor in bringing Hikari out of her shell, it’s rubbing off on Hikari, too.

In addition, Miyako is still working under Koushirou despite their educational careers having completely diverged, this time as his assistant in terms of managing the Chosen Child community. Interestingly, her specific job seems to be consultation, and people come to her for “advice and stuff” -- meaning that it’s very likely that a lot of new Chosen Children who are having a hard time adjusting to life with a partner are coming to her for practical and emotional advice, and she’s still continuing to channel her ability to be emotionally aware and supportive of others.

That is to say, until she gets a mysterious request from a certain Menoa Bellucci. We learn later that Menoa’s motive was to obtain the list of international Chosen Children, meaning that she most definitely was not approaching Miyako for emotional help, and with that, Miyako decides that she doesn’t want to do this and dumps it on her seniors...

...but then picks it back up with zero hesitation the moment her friends present her that exact same job, and not only is it just “zero hesitation”, Ken even comments on how “fast” she arrived to do so! (This was also before Iori came up with the plan to infiltrate Menoa’s office; there wasn’t any indication Miyako’s computer abilities would be particularly necessary at the time.) On top of that, the drama CD gives us full context as to why she was so willing to dump this on her seniors in the first place -- she had wanted to see her friends so badly that she practically invented D-3 gate exploitation so she could hang out with her friends despite technically being in another country, and even wanted to invite them to come visit her, and eventually they’d all made an organized plan to meet up in New York. In other words, her loyalty to her friends is still stronger than anything else -- remember, she’s the kind of person who was picking up tons of jobs specifically so she could help her friends in the first place.

On that note, Ken’s ability to be casual with everyone besides Daisuke has noticeably improved, and that’s especially prominent with Miyako, whom he proactively converses with in a way that wouldn’t have happened back in 02, and, likewise, in contrast to the sense of distance she’d still been maintaining with him back during the final arc of 02 and Spring 2003, she has no qualms about handling him as casually as she would anyone else.

Which eventually leads us to...

This is a recurring theme on this blog, but every so often I have to draw the distinction between creative concepts “in meta” (i.e. the way the audience will read it, in relation to franchise standards and other real-life factors) and said concepts “in-universe” (i.e. with audience factors completely removed, whether there’s a presumable logical reason for these events happening in-universe, and whether this is reasonable behavior to expect out of the characters). This blog is largely dedicated to the latter, but the reason why I have to keep drawing this distinction in the first place is that I get the impression that the staff behind Adventure and 02 really did not pay much mind to the former part as part of their dedication to the latter. And, I mean, part of the reason I respect the writing of Adventure and 02 so much is how uncompromising they were in terms of not really pandering to what a fanbase might expect, which allowed the story to retain a lot of creative integrity that it wouldn’t have otherwise.

But every so often you get something like this that makes me want to just bang my head on the table and scream, I swear, I get what you guys were going for, but I am begging you, please think a little harder about how people are going to read this!! In general, I do think there’s something that’s not very good about disregarding your audience completely, because if you’re trying to say important things and those things are going directly over your audience’s heads (this is a kids’ show, for goodness’s sake), you can’t call that good communication, and it’s not like you can blame the audience for getting blindsided or being upset, and this is before we get into what they just dropped on the global audience that was presumably full of young girls interested in STEM fields who were hoping to see them go all the way with that, or the feelings of those who are bothered that one character has to be singled out to be defined solely by her relationship to others, and I mean -- to be fair, with a character like Miyako and the tons of things going on with her, there was probably no outcome they could come up with that wouldn’t be reinforcing some negative stereotype (believe it or not, there are people who have conversely mentioned identifying deeply with Miyako’s personal story and the meaning of this ending to them, and have also expressed discomfort about some of the comments the fanbase has made over the years), but at the same time, holy hell, they really went for the one that immediately looks the worst on its face...

...That aside, I will reiterate that this is a blog and analysis meant for that latter category of “analyzing things in-universe”, and making good-faith assumptions that there was a reason for everything (and, I’ll be quite honest, reading everything the staff has said about the characters, including Miyako, there is no indication that they didn’t treat every single one of them with love and zero intention to curse any of them into a horrible fate). We can debate whether this was a good or bad choice in the context of real life, or how much they really should have thought this through more or considered alternative ways to do this, in another place and time (it’s been done by many other people, myself included, in the last 20 years, and it will most certainly continue after this, and probably should continue). It’s not like I’m necessarily giving my blessing to every single creative decision in Adventure or 02 in running this blog, it’s more of the attitude of “now that this decision was in the series, can we figure out what that was intended to mean?”, and that’s going to apply to this one too. And so, we’ll proceed with the analysis.

In any case, here’s the first thing to start with, which may surprise some people to learn: at no point in the epilogue is the word “housewife” ever used to refer to Miyako. The only words that Takeru uses to describe her are: that she is married to Ken and is a mother of three. Not only that, post-02 materials that have referred to the epilogue and Miyako’s part in it have also avoided using that word -- the Character Complete File and the Animation Chronicle only reiterate the same points of “married to Ken” and “mother of three children”, and practically go out of their way to avoid insinuating that being a stay-at-home housewife is the main focus of her life right now. It would have been so easy to say it outright if they’d wanted to, but they didn’t, and they consistently don’t, to the point the omission is almost suspicious. And, indeed, if you want to believe the Character Complete File, Miyako is not a full-time housewife and is simply not working at the time of the epilogue due to maternity leave because the third child had recently been born. So it’s completely within the realm of possibility that she’s still working! In that case, why is something that could easily be a big deal left ambiguous like this?

If you look at the way the epilogue presents its information, there’s a certain pattern: what information is emphasized and what information is given little attention or omitted has very little to do with “how curious the audience would be about it”, but rather “how relevant it is”; just because a certain piece of information is omitted doesn’t mean it necessarily isn’t true. For example, Sora; she’s married to Yamato, but despite how much the audience would probably consider that as vital information, it’s left for you to infer from the visuals and an oblique comment that Sora’s daughter is a “dependable older sister”, and even the question of whether Sora did succeed her mother in flower arrangement is left up in the air despite that also probably being a question the audience is curious about (and in fact, a few flower branches are clearly visible in the front, implying very heavily that, whatever happened, she’s at least still maintaining her roots with her family instead of violently cutting it all off). But we do learn about the fact that she went into fashion design, which is something that’s not an expectation that was placed by her family but rather something she presumably decided on herself. Hence, presumably why that’s the part emphasized, and moreso than her marriage to Yamato -- said marriage is of course an important part of her life, but it’s not as prominent as the fact that she has her own independent career, especially since her entire character arc was about doing things that she wanted for herself instead of doing things for others. That is to say, compared to their own individual ambitions, Sora and Yamato’s love life is “an important part, but not the important part.” This is especially when you add the context that Takeru is delivering abridged single-sentence “catch-up” descriptions of his friends on their behalf (possibly to the world, if this is part of his novel), and so, it begs the question: what would each of these characters want to be most remembered for accomplishing?

(And if you think I’m being tinfoil hat about this, remember that a constant theme with this blog I’m running is that “being annoyingly subtle and relying on ridiculously oblique messaging” like this permeates the entirety of 02 in general, and it’s definitely not the only time they’ve used this kind of technique to communicate details that are too consistent and on-the-nose to be passed off as coincidence. As far as assuming that this series follows rational storytelling logic goes, we are far past that point, and in ways that extend far beyond this epilogue.)

So we look back at Miyako, and the hobbies she’d indulged in and what purpose they were for, and her personality, and the fact that the main point of her character arc was about her complex that she would never be a good enough person who could properly emotionally reach out and take care of others -- in some ways, her arc was the opposite of Sora’s, in that while Sora’s was about not being as beholden to others, Miyako’s was about how to become someone who can better support others -- and once we apply the above question, there lies the answer to why the priority and emphasis given to her future in the epilogue is “Miyako is the kind of person who prioritizes taking care of and supporting her loved ones more than anything else.”

This is especially because (in an epilogue with not very many lines, so every bit of information becomes vital) the lines we see Miyako and her family exchange are representative of a lot of what that character arc was about. According to her son, Miyako is still her panicky and emotionally messy self, even when in the role of the matriarch of a large family who’s responsible for taking care of all of them. She did not ever become the ideal “gentle” and “mature” kind of person that she considered Mimi and Hikari to be and negatively compared herself to. However, her family responds by cheerfully laughing, which is -- most likely not coincidentally -- the same thing that was shown to be the positive flip side of Miyako’s over-the-top personality back in 02 episodes 31, 36, and 38, in that it brings joy and cheer to others.

If you do want to take the Character Complete File’s statement at face value, the fact that she’s on self-imposed maternity leave means that it’s very likely she wasn’t on a salaried job and was instead freelancing, or at least was involved with something that didn’t require constant commitment. Considering the fact she’s consistently portrayed as an impatient sort who gets bored easily, she probably would prefer something more flexible like freelancing or at least not being tied to a single thing; even looking back at her completely disparate hobbies back when she was a kid, when she was basically jack-of-all-trades-ing to fit whatever people needed her for, she never really came off as someone who could commit very easily to a single form of work, but what she did have commitment to was other people, especially her friends and family. If you (or, perhaps, Takeru) were to ask her during the time of the epilogue “what are you up to right now?”, it’s not really that hard to believe that gushing about her lovely family would come before everything else; not to say that everyone else here (especially her own husband) isn’t presumably devoted to their own families, but Miyako’s the type to have that much higher sense of pride in what she does for those she cares about than she would have particular attachment to any kind of work. Look at her behavior during Kizuna; she’s pursuing a degree in computer programming and thus is still aiming to be a busybody with a high level of skill, but when given a job by a stranger, she immediately dumps it off on her seniors so she can be with her friends, then happily accepts that same job again when the same friends present it back to her.

So, in other words, the conclusion is: the biggest priority and most important thing to Miyako in regards to her future is that she finally became someone who could properly support others around her, even in spite of her personality that would suggest otherwise.

In addition, the fact that she has three children might initially come off as a little in-your-face or overkill, but remember that Miyako came from a family with four siblings, and 02 episode 49 had her say outright that she does treasure that – or, in other words, being part of a big family surrounded by affection and love is something she considers to be a valuable part of her life (especially since the age gaps between the three children imply a reasonable likelihood of actual family planning, moreso than even Miyako’s own).

Incidentally, this is just a bit of a personal note, but one might notice that I’ve also never actually used the word “housewife” to refer to the epilogue’s depiction of Miyako in the course of writing for this blog, because of how little evidence we have that she is one – being on temporary maternity leave still being a very viable and, given the post-02 materials we now have, arguably heavily likely interpretation, it’s not like you’d necessarily call someone a housewife if their break from work is only temporary, even if they’re a freelancer. Given the above circumstances, perhaps something like “family matriarch” would be more accurate…

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #inoue miyako #miyako inoue #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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anntoldst0ries · 3 years

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Everything else is just the weather

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count: ~5.3k (I sinned!) Summary: Ethan takes Elle out on their “first” date. Category: Fluff Warnings: None

A/N: It has literally taken me ages to finish this fic. To the point that I couldn’t look at it anymore, but here it is. I had it in mind for a really long time and now that OH is back, I feel like I’m ready to show it to the world. As always thank you for your support and I hope you like it!

This fic is part 2 of birthday present for my friend, part 1 is the fan art which you can see here. Once you read the fic, the fan art makes more sense :)

This is my submission for CFWC Silly Love Stories, Day 12: Date night.

Loud knocks resonated throughout the room.

"Come in!"

"Good morning, Mrs. Peterson.”

“Good morning, Dr Valentine. I think you are the only doctor in this hospital with some sort of manners, everyone else just waltzes in here as if it was a damn barn!”

“Hospital or no hospital, everyone has their right to privacy.”

“Thank you, child. Once again, please call me Faye."

"Alright Faye, but only if you call me Elle.” She smiled sweetly, and the whole room seemed to be suddenly lit by a thousand suns.

“How are you feeling? Are the meds making a difference?"

"They are. I am ready to be discharged today.”

"Not so fast. I am not ready to say goodbye to you yet."

“Why would you possibly like to be lumbered with an old nuisance like me for even a second longer than necessary?”

Elle just laughed and shook her head. The ‘nuisance’, as the elderly lady so lovingly put it, was exactly what she loved about her job. She loved spending time with her patients, she loved their stories and their worldly wisdom. It made her sad to see how many of them thought they didn’t matter or considered themselves and their lives boring. To her, they were anything but.

Many of Edenbrook’s staff members kept asking themselves: what is it about her? She was a great doctor, no two ways about it, and she was a genuinely nice person. But what was the source of power she had over people? If she woke up one day and decided to start a rebellion, patients would have most certainly followed her, even if it meant they’d be leaving the premises of the hospital with naked butts or trailing their IVs behind them. Doctors, nurses, administration, cleaners and security would follow shortly. She only had to say a word.

And how on Earth was she capable of turning Dr Ramsey, the grizzly bear of Edenbrook, into a benign teddy bear with as little as one look? It was beyond everyone’s apprehension.

Had they spent more time actually observing her, rather than gossiping in the corners, the answer would have unveiled in front of them within minutes.

It was very simple.

Noelle was truly curious about people. She genuinely liked them and was determined to get to know their story, for it helped her diagnose them faster and also satiated the young doctor’s hunger for knowledge.

Patients never felt like “curious cases” or “numbers” in her presence. They were… themselves - people with hopes, dreams, fears, pet peeves and odd habits. They were human.

So little and yet so much.

Those never touched by serious illnesses often failed to understand that sickness strips you of your dignity and becomes your identity. Your true self becomes covered by this weird, annoying sticker that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard you tried to remove it.

But this young woman, despite the nature of her profession, somehow managed to notice what was hiding beneath this misleading layer.

Had all these gossipers spoken to her patients, that’s exactly what they would have heard.

"What's happening today?" The older lady asked with a flick of curiosity in her wrinkle-haloed eyes.

"What do you mean, Faye?" The young doctor sounded genuinely baffled by the out-of-the-blue question.

"Well, I am no diagnostician, but I believe I am rather observant and you radiate with happiness. Something special is happening today, am I right?"

"Yeah, you are right." Elle blushed like a teenager caught in a lie. "My boyfriend is taking me on a surprise date today, but he won’t say a word about it, so I'm super excited to find out what he planned for us. He usually isn't one for romantic gestures, so the secrecy is killing me."

"Do you think he's gonna pop the big question?" Faye’s eyes lit up with excitement.

"No, we're not there...yet." Elle faked a smile, but a tone of doubt and sadness coloured her voice. They probably never will be, those things weren’t in the cards for Ethan, as he already stressed once.

But once was enough and she didn’t dare mention the subject again.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he's got some big guns in store, I would if I had a lady like you." - a male patient lying in the bed adjacent to Elle’s patient added smiling flirtatiously.

"Jerry, you were supposed to focus on getting better, not stealing my girlfriend." They all jumped when a deep baritone echoed throughout the room, hitting present company like a wrecking ball. She must have left the door ajar or Ethan could penetrate the walls soundlessly, because no one heard him coming.

Exactly how long has he been standing there for and how much did he hear?

"Dr. Ramsey, flirting makes your blood flow faster. Isn't it the very definition of life itself?” Jerry’s tone was brisk and lively.

"Well, it definitely isn't the definition of recovery after a heart attack." Ethan used his authoritative doctor’s voice but knew this wasn't a battle he was going to win. Jerry had something he didn't: a couple more decades of life experience under his belt and even the best medical school in the country couldn’t compete with this.

"Besides, Dr. Ramsey, I don't think that the beautiful Dr. Valentine here fancies old farts like me."

"That's where you are wrong, Jerry, looks like this is exactly the type I fancy." The two women laughed, however Ethan was far from amused. "Dr. Ramsey is 10 years older than me."

"10 years? What is 10 years in these times? Nothing. When I was getting married 40 years ago, it was something. But today? Look at all them playboys with girls younger than my granddaughter. 10 years is actually a very healthy difference. Men are immature and slower with growing up emotionally. So I'd say you've caught up, Dr. Ramsey, and the two of you are emotional peers now.”

“Thank you for the fascinating lesson in human psychology, Jerry. To think I’ve wasted all this time and money on medical school and no one taught me this.”

“Dr. Ramsey, it’s because schools and useful knowledge are mutually exclusive.”

Elle and Faye were on the verge of bursting out in laughter, but managed to keep their composure and used the non-verbal communication of exchanging glances instead.

Once they made sure their patients had everything they need, Ethan and Elle wished them a good day and promised to stop by in 2 days, as the following day was their day off.

The moment the door closed behind them, Ethan crossed his arms on his chest.

"I lose you from my sight for one second and this happens. 5 more minutes with Jerry and I'd be single again."

"At least no one wants to poke your eyes out for being with me."

"And someone wants to poke yours?"

"Where do I start... nurses, who had a crush on you long before I even set foot in Edenbrook? Female interns? Anyone, who has a pair of functioning eyes and ever looked at you?"

She was adorable when she was doing this, her whole body overtaken by excitement and her hands waving. When she was talking about something really important to her she wasn't just conversing with her mouth, she was doing it with her whole body.

Suddenly, his pager painfully reminded Ethan that this was neither the place nor the time to lose himself in adoration.

"I need to go, I'm completely swamped today and I have my favourite cherry-on-top board meeting. In case I don't see you for the rest of your shift - I’ll pick you up at 7."

He was gone before she was able to form a response. Was it just her or was Dr Ramsey weirdly… nervous?

* * * * * * * *

At 7pm sharp, Ethan Ramsey curled his palm in a fist and gently knocked. The door opened in an instant, as if someone knew he'd been standing there for the past few minutes.

"Ethan! I mean Dr. Ramsey...please come in!" Sienna squeaked with nervous excitement as she let him in.

"Outside of Edenbrook Ethan is just fine, Sienna. If you don't mind me calling you by your first name, of course."

"Mm..mme? No, yes, I mean... Elle is on the balcony." She tried to hide her embarrassment and motioned towards the tall windows surrounding the living room. Some time ago, he would have been oddly proud to have such an intimidating effect on people - nowadays, more than anything, he was amused. Has he really changed so much?

The answer to his question was leaning against the railing, glass of wine in her hand. Gauzy, flowery dress enveloped her frame and tanned skin.

For Ethan, it was as clear as crystal: summer had the face and scent of Noelle Valentine.

Long before she started leaving her toothbrush in his apartment and sleeping in his old JH t-shirts, Ethan noticed that whenever he laid eyes on her, his whole body started acting in a very irrational way. His doctor’s instincts prompted him to think of all types of biological causes and chemical reactions in the brain. Then, when he sort of admitted to himself it’s not just pure science, Ethan leaned towards the forbidden fruit theory - the more he couldn’t have his drug, the more he was craving it.

But the feeling never disappeared. Whenever he wouldn’t see her for a while - be that an hour, a day, or just when she went to take a shower or make a coffee - the very moment her face came into his view again, he felt his stomach somersaulting.

Every. Single. Time.

It wasn’t any different now.

"Drinking without me?"

She almost dropped the glass when his voice stopped the train of thought in her head. But then she saw his face, the way too seldom relaxed muscles and a barely-there smile.

A perfectly tailored shirt clung to his torso marvellously. If not in medicine, he surely would have made a name for himself in the fashion industry. Fortunately for her, the idea never crossed his mind.

The warm wind blew in her face, carrying the scent of expensive cologne which overwhelmed her nostrils. She didn’t know this one, so it must have been new. But she did know that smelling it for the whole evening while staring at his handsome face will be a pure torture.

Simply put, she was a goner.

"I don't know why, but I was quite nervous. Had to summon the courage somehow.”

“As you should be. After all, it's not every day that one goes on their first date."

She looked at him as if she’d just been told that a UFO landed on the roof.

“On a what?”

"Well, I was thinking a lot lately about how we never had a first date. Nothing was ever...typical with us. I promised myself I will do my best to fix things that caused you pain or deprived you of the things you deserved. Maybe I cannot fix some immediately, but this one I can, so I will."

Her eyes, overbrimming with affection struck him like thousand lightnings. Thank god a comfortable silence fell between them - had she asked him a question, it would have been clear that right now he is nothing but a simpering moron.

With this in mind, he took his hands from behind his back, holding a small bouquet of pink gerberas.

"These are my favourites." Her face instantly illuminated at the well known sight and smell. "How did you know?”

"I had some amazing helpers."

Elle instantly turned her head left and looked inside, where grinning, Sienna was showing her the thumbs up.

"Wow, now I actually wish I'd downed the whole bottle."

"I'm glad you didn't. I want to go on a date with a woman, not her lifeless body, even though the body itself is very appealing. Shall we?”

“King of compliments…”

* * * * * * * *

"You actually look like you are having a good time, Dr Ramsey.”

"Why wouldn't I? There is alcohol, sitting under the sky definitely has its charm and the company is acceptable." She playfully swatted his arm, the gesture a quick reminder of how comfortable they felt with each other, something he constantly remembered to never take for granted.

“Although I love this, I still don’t understand why you dragged me all the way outside Boston, I’m pretty sure the rooftop bars are pretty acceptable there, too. A bit more crowded though, that’s for sure.”

“Are you complaining about the fact that we have this entire place to ourselves? I know the owner and he was indebted to me.”

“Of course he was.” Looks like the whole town is indebted to Ethan freakin’ Ramsey.

“With regards to why I brought you here… you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Gosh. She couldn’t decide whether the mysterious side of Ethan Ramsey was hot as hell or annoying as hell. But she didn’t really have time to contemplate, because her companion asked her a question.

“Why did you become a doctor?” The ocean eyes pierced her to the core and she had a feeling that even if she was the best actress in the world, there was no way she’d be able to hide something from this man.

“That’s a terrible change of subject. Also, I must have told you like a million times already.”

“No, you never told me.”

When she looked at him and really, really thought about it… she suddenly realised Ethan was right. Elle told the story so many times she sort of… assumed she told Ethan, too.

“Are you sure you want to hear it today? It’s a pretty sad story, a mood killer I’d say.”

“It’s what makes you you, so yes, I want to hear all about it - the good, the bad and the indifferent.”

“I’ll tell you, but I need to ask something first. Why now? We’ve known each other for a while and you just… I just sort of assumed this isn’t the type of conversation you’d like to hold.”

“You’ve hit the nail on the head.” Ethan’s expression was gentle, not a hint of irony in his voice. “I’ve known you for a while now, but there are still so many things about you that I don’t know. At first, I didn’t want to ask, because asking these questions meant admitting that there is something more between us. What a fail would that be, after I’ve mastered the art of denial.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a bitter or a nervous laugh, it was a genuine banter between them, as the British half of her soul liked to call it. “But you made me want to dig deeper.”

Was it the heat that made her catch her breath, or did it have nothing to do with the temperature?

“Plus, this is sort of what first dates are for, right? I’m sorry for skipping right to the more complex questions. It’s not that I don’t want to know what you were afraid of as a child, I want to know all the details… but it feels like the atmosphere calls for something…bigger.”

So she told him all about her friend, how she fell ill, how she couldn’t be saved and how the experience wreaked havoc on her whole life, tears glistening in her eyes at the mere memory of the events that shaped who she was today.

Ethan listened, his whole body tense and eyes transfixed. She was giving him one of the most fragile parts of her and he had to make sure his hands were there to catch, carry and care for this treasure.

“And that’s when I realised that if I focused on becoming the best doctor I could be, then maybe one day, I’d be that person who has an answer, who can solve a mystery and save a relationship that means the world to someone. Sometimes, people don’t realise that when a person dies, it’s not only them that’s gone. The part of someone who stays, who has to deal with the whole ‘me after you’ - that part is gone, too. So for me, in a way, this meant saving more than one life.”

For a couple of seconds he didn’t move. Then, without saying a single word and with an unreadable expression he got up and offered her a hand, which she silently accepted. He led her to the railing, where the sun was slowly sinking into the boundless waters of Quincy Bay.

His lips found the all too well known way to her forehead, placing a loving kiss on her delicate skin.

“I am so proud of you.” There was something so mesmerising in his whisper, sending a shiver down her spine.

“As a mentor or as a boyfriend?”

“Both. I want you to know that your dedication to people who rely on you is astounding and hardly present in doctors your age. Or any age, for that matter.”

“Wow, Dr Ramsey, smooth. Trying to hit on me with a recycled pick-up line used on a national TV? No wonder you didn’t have too many girlfriends.”

“No, I didn’t. But I believe everyone has a limit of luck they can get per life. And looking at you, I got a couple of lifetimes worth of luck.”

This was enough to render her speechless. She smiled and at this very moment he knew he would do anything to make her smile like this. She wrapped him around her pinky finger and suddenly his whole existence revolved around finding ways of seeing her curve these breathtaking lips as often as possible and making sure he is the reason she smiles… not crying her eyes out.

Although the other didn’t know, because none of them said it out loud, they both thought the same thing.

This feels so right.

There isn’t a hint of awkwardness in the fact that they can go from being serious or emotionally vulnerable to funny and teasing in seconds.

In one effortless movement, Ethan spun her and pressed her back against his chest. Then, he started placing a series of tender kisses along her jawline and the crook of her neck, slowly moving towards her shoulder.

Come on, just say it Ramsey. It doesn’t get any better than this.

He wrapped her palm in his and pointed them towards the sky.

“There they are - the Little Dipper and the Big Dipper.” Their intertwined fingers were jumping from one tiny flashing point to the other, as if they were playing connect the dots. “And that’s Orion’s Belt.”

“I really don’t get why at this point I’m still surprised that you’re good at everything.”

Elle was drunk on his every word, as this annoying trait of Ethan Ramsey being the know-it-all was actually one of her favourite things about him.

As for Ethan, he couldn’t help but think that life wasn’t perfect and was never going to be. But this - this moment - it was in fact perfect. Why take chances of ruining it, when so many things can go wrong?

What if she doesn't say it back?

What if she's just gonna laugh at him or tell him he had it all wrong.

What if he misinterpreted everything and she never thought about him this way?

He was terrified of being this exposed. The last person he loved so much left him without batting an eyelid and disappeared for 25 fucking years.

Maybe it was better to live in a perfect illusion than a reality in which there was even a 0.01% chance she doesn't love him back.

So they both drowned in the moment, drifted in the sea of rapture, lost in the illusion that it can all last forever.

It was her who broke the silence.

“I’m getting a bit cold, is it ok if we call it a night?”

“Right, of course.”

“Thank you for the first date, I loved it.”

Handing her his jacket (her favourite, the dark green leather one) Ethan was furious at himself.

Maybe he was broken. Maybe he will remain broken forever. Maybe that’s the way it must be.

“Do you want to spend the night at mine?” The question slipped his tongue before he was able to fully reflect on it.

“At yours? Unless you have some secret place I don’t know about, just a quick reminder - I live there too.”

“Since this was our first date, I thought it was a gentlemanly thing to ask.”

“In that case… I am afraid I have the ‘after the 3rd date’ sleepover rule, Dr Ramsey.”

* * * * * * * *

The morning came all too soon and the hot, ruthless rays of the rising sun announced that Ethan is now way past his regular wake up and get up time. He barely slept, tossing and turning, replaying every second of the evening in his head.

His hand mindlessly reached for what he hoped to be the familiar curves and softness of the body he adored so much.

But his palm hit the mattress with a loud thud. The bed was empty.

The all-too-well known feeling of hopelessness slipped into the doctor's mind with ease. What did he expect? He was acting weird the previous day. First date, what a stupid idea. She must have realised something is wrong with him and finally left.

But before he was able to fully wallow in the mud of pity, the feeling was soon replaced by an old friend Ethan haven’t heard from for a long time.

Panic.

Where was she? Is she ok? What if something happened to her and he was just sleeping like a log instead of being there to protect her. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing her… again. Something grabbed his chest in a tight grip and wouldn’t let go.

Scenes flashed before his eyes, vivid and bright. Their hands touching through the glass wall. Her hand cupping his cheek through the layer of hazmat suit.

He got out of bed at the speed of sound and started running around the apartment, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, he noticed.

The balcony door was opened wide.

Shit.

Heart in his mouth, Ethan crossed the distance between his kitchen island and the balcony door in the blink of an eye.

Elle was just serving pancakes outside. The goddamn pancakes. The only thing he couldn’t cook. The one thing she kept teasing him about and he rolled his eyes every time she did.

God, he promised himself he will never learn how to make them, if it meant she would just tease him forever.

She was smiling as widely as ever, putting the sun and everything else in the world to shame. Ethan was still a bit shaken and his uneven breathing gave him away. Elle finally noticed his presence.

“Good morning, I was just about to—“

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They both froze.

The tension in the silence that had just set in was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

But the silence didn’t last long. As one man, with eyes full of disbelief, they both murmured simultaneously:

“What did you just say?”

This time, he felt obliged to break the silence.

"I...I...I mean, I…"

Damn it, get it together, idiot.

"I didn't mean to…”

Great, Ramsey, keep digging an even deeper hole for yourself, then crawl in and stay there forever.

"You didn't mean to say it?”

"Yes. No. I mean, damn it, I am making things worse, aren't I?”

She didn’t set him straight.

"The thing is, I wanted to say it yesterday. I had it all planned, I took you for a first date and I wanted to say it for the first time yesterday.”

"Why did it have to be yesterday?”

“Give me a minute.”

She just rolled her eyes, but Ethan didn’t have a chance to notice before disappearing inside. A few moments later he re-emerged, his face and torso covered by a neatly wrapped, rectangle-shaped object.

"What's this?"

"Something you should have unpacked yesterday, but then... life happened."

Elle sat down on cold tiles, her hands trembling with a mix of fear and excitement. And just like he did months ago, he took her hand in his, only this time he cupped his own cheek with her palm and placed the most tender kiss on the inside of her hand.

It was her favourite medicine, a remedy for all things wrong.

He sat beside her and nodded at the mysterious package. With impatience growing inside of her, Elle has torn the paper up.

Inside was a dark blue, framed print - the colour of it an instant reminder of her favourite set of irises.

She studied everything with intent. A circle must have been representing the earth and the irregular dots and lines must have been the stars and constellations.

"A map of the sky? That's beautiful, Ethan."

He knew immediately that although her delight was sincere, she had absolutely no clue what she was looking at and why she was looking at it.

“It's not just any map of the sky.” Ethan explained gently, hints of pride colouring his voice. “It's a map of the Boston sky from exactly a year ago. Well, a year and a day.” He smiled faintly, now a shade of sorrow in his enchanting voice.

Silence. Was she supposed to know what that meant?

“Aren’t you full of mysteries today? Ok, you need to throw me a lifebelt here. What's so special about the sky from a year and a day ago?”

“For the world? Probably not too much. For me? Everything.”

At this stage of their relationship, she knew a lot about Ethan’s behaviours, triggers, his body language. And not just a relationship as a couple, but also everything that came before Ethan became someone she was running through life with (the life of two doctors in one of the busiest and most prestigious hospitals was certainly not a walk in the park).

But it still fascinated her how his demeanour changed whenever the subject was serious, whenever he was talking about something that truly mattered to him. It was as if he’d stripped down of all the layers and let her look into his bare soul. These rare moments of vulnerable intimacy meant more to her than any night of passion they ever shared.

Her eyes turned to him in pledge, because as much as she wanted to, Dr Valentine still couldn’t fully comprehend the scene unraveling in front of her.

“Read the description below the map.”

Dear God, did she actually hear shyness in his voice?

She skimmed through the image again, and there it was, right at the bottom. Elle was so focused on trying to decipher the meaning of the image that she didn’t notice the words below.

The words which explained everything.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY

THAT MADE ME REALISE

YOU ARE THE SKY

EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST THE WEATHER

Her emerald eyes brimmed with hot tears as the meaning dawned upon her. Words were very unnecessary, but now that he summoned the courage to speak, there was still a lot he wanted to put into words. He gently took the frame from her hands and leaned it securely against the wall.

Taking her palms into his, he placed delicate kisses on her knuckles, his lips tracing the shape of these two tiny hands, which held all of him. Everything he had, everything he was and was going to be, he placed in those two fragile palms, with an unspoken hope that they will hold him and catch him if he falls.

“Look at me.” The words were pulsing with care and affection, even though his voice coloured them in serious and desperate shades.

“One year ago… and a day from today…” He smiled and she felt the warmth spilling inside of her. The power he had over her was beyond the limits of understanding.

Little did she know that the object of her affection was lost in the same thought.

“I was standing exactly where we stand right now. It was dark and the view wasn’t that spectacular.” He freed one of his hands, but only to make contact with her cheek to caress it slowly. In this moment, he had to touch her any way that he could. With his hands. With his eyes. With his soul.

“But I always found comfort in staring at the sky. When I was at med school, I had countless moments of doubt, I wanted to quit more times than I can count. So I used to go to a secluded place at night and stare at the sky. It made me realise how, in one respect, I am just a grain of sand in the universe and how little my problems are. Funnily enough, this thought actually brought me a sense of comfort. If I am as little as I think I am, then what is the harm in being brave and taking chances? A wise man once said… There are some things that are worth any risk.”

She giggled through the tears, the sweet sound soothing his shattered nerves.

“I was standing right here and I never felt more miserable in my life. And I couldn’t understand why, for God’s sake. I was thriving at work. I had everything figured out and planned. I was pushing you to be the best you could be and I watched you turn into someone who would one day be far greater than me. But you looked so sad, so… broken. You already know I can’t just gloss over you feeling down. The sadder you were, the more miserable I felt. One evening, I was having a glass of scotch and I remembered some tiny exchange we’ve had earlier in the day, literally a chit chat. No idea what it was about. But I remembered your smile and your laugh. Every tiniest move of your muscles, your eyes, how your hair set around your face. It made me happy. Even if it was just for 5 minutes, knowing that you are happy in that very moment filled my chest with lightness. That’s when I realised I want to be the person who makes you feel this way.”

She blinked the first time in a while, as if she was afraid to make the tiniest movement, afraid it will all disappear and turn out to be a dream. Giant teardrops rolled down her angelic face, trailing the path of joy.

“Noelle Sky Valentine, I love you. I have loved you for a long time but I was too stubborn to let myself give in. And that, as you already know, will always be one of my biggest regrets.”

“Ethan, I don’t… I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say.” Her voice was saturated with emotions.

“I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.“

“I love you too, Ethan Jonah Ramsey. You are by far the most complicated and stubborn person I have ever met. You are… everything I never knew I looked for in another human being.”

Once he heard her say it back, he couldn't get enough of it and a lifetime didn't feel like enough to tell her he loves her, as many times as he wished to.

“But I do have to mention this, Dr Ramsey… from the first date to a love confession in less than 24 hours? I’m sorry, I think this is moving too fast.”

“I’ll show you too fast…but I’m afraid we need to get inside, I don’t want the whole world and its wife to see how I teach you a thing or two.”

Ethan scooped her in his arms and carried her inside, despite her mock protests. He smiled and corrected himself.

He wanted for the whole world to see.

Because the whole world was right there.

In his arms.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you’ve gotten this far, I need you to know you are absolutely amazing 💗

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sequinsmile-x · 3 years

Text

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me - Chapter 10

I cannot believe we are at the last chapter. I have no words to express how much I appreciate all the love for this story, for the version of Aaron and Emily that are in it, and the family I have created for them here.

It means...so, so much. Rating: Mature (smut in this chapter)

Words: 5.2k

You can read over on a03, or below the cut

Please let me know what you think <3

April 1993

Emily hated these events. How false everyone was - plastic smiles and lies scattered around the room in a way that made her skin crawl. She always had an escape route, a place of solace she could find when her mother was getting too much for her.

This particular event was always held in the same hotel, and so her hiding spot was always the same. A small, windowless conference room just down the corridor from the ballroom. Her mother had never found it, or her, so she cursed when she heard the door opening only 20 minutes after she had snuck off.

She sighs as she turns around, ready to tell off whoever had disturbed her only for her to come face to face with Aaron. “Oh, hi. What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you.” He answers as he clicks the door closed behind him. “I’m off duty now. And you promised me a dance if I remember correctly? Something about it being the perfect thing to piss off your mother.” His smile disappears when she doesn’t return it, discomfort clearly laced throughout her body. “Are you ok?”

Emily tilts her head slightly at him, unsure how honest she could be. Since they had gone for drinks together and he had told her about his ex, who she had since learned was called Haley, things had changed between them. They had always been friendly, but it had now taken a turn into flirting. Long glances at each other in the hallways of her mother’s home, lingering touches that definitely were not appropriate. There was something about Aaron that she trusted, something that made her want to be around him.

“I hate these things. My mother parades me around like I’m a thing to show off to society.” She scrunches her nose at the idea of it and looks at the floor. “All those men out there looking at me like I’m some prize to be won.”

He’d noticed it. The way the men in the room had watched her as she walked around with her mother, his blood boiling he saw slightly wandering hands as she was pulled into another dance she clearly didn’t want to be a part of. Aaron didn’t question exactly why it bothered him so much, not wanting to pick at that thread and unravel the friendship he had built with Emily in the time they had known each other. Spending time with her already meant more to him than it probably should.

“You deserve better than that.” He says, frowning in a way that makes her smile. She reaches for him on some kind of instinct, not even realising she's doing it until her finger traces the frown line between his eyebrows. Emily smiles at him, and takes in the genuine concern on his face. He cared about her and expected nothing in return, and she couldn’t remember the last time someone made her feel so safe.

So she bridges the gap between them and kisses him, and she would spend the rest of her life claiming he kissed her first.

For a moment he’s still, and she's worried she has read it wrong. That the subtle moments between them over the past few weeks since she’d dragged him to a bar against his will had all been in her head.

Then he kisses her back, his lips pressing back into hers as his hand moves to the back of her head, tangling in her hair to hold her close.

Emily pulls away from him, hiking her dress up so she can sit on the table. She drags him closer, spreading her legs so he could stand between them and she kisses him again.

Aaron pushes one of the thin straps of her dress off her shoulder, following the material with his lips. A soft sigh escapes her and it seems to bring him out of it, and he pulls back from her. He cups her cheek with his hand, running a thumb over her swollen bottom lip.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She replies before kissing him again, her teeth clashing with his with the force of it. His hands are all over her then, pushing her dress the rest of the way up her thighs. He bites her lip as he pushes her underwear to one side and she gasps into his mouth.

He takes her apart with his fingers first, covering her mouth gently with his spare hand as she cries out, worried they would attract attention from anyone walking past. Emily kisses him harshly then, shaking hands pulling at his belt buckle whilst she wraps her legs around his waist.

“Em, wait.” He murmurs against her lips, gasping as she grabs him, pulling him further into the cradle of her hips.

“If you ask me if I’m sure again, I’ll kill you.” She laughs, pressing a kiss to his dimpled cheek, wrapping a leg around him tighter to encourage him further.

As he enters her they both gasp, and she wretches her mouth from his to rest her forehead against his, her eyes closed as she adjusts. “Move, Aaron. Please fucking move.”

He complies, gently at first but goes harder, faster each time she begs him for it. She breaks apart around him, and nods into his shoulder at his unasked question, feeling him fall over the edge inside of her only moments later.

She leans her forehead against his, breathing heavily as her heart rate returns to normal.

“I’m sorry.” He says as he kisses her.

“What are you apologising for?” She asks, kissing him again, trying to regain her breath but finding herself unable to stop touching him

“You deserved better than that.” He says, echoing his earlier words of how other men had treated her.

“It was pretty good from my point of view. Excellent even” She says, biting her lip as she looks at him, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck. “But, if you think you can do better...we could always go to mine?”

Aaron doesn’t miss the tentative nature of her question, the way she seems nervous for the first time since she had kissed him.

“Won’t your mother miss you?”

She shakes her head. “No. And, if you remember, I have just moved into my own place. No interruptions.” She leans forward and kisses him. “At all.” Another kiss.

He grins against her lips. “Then lead the way.”

Aaron knows he would follow her anywhere. ______________________

Emily calls him 20 minutes after JJ, her name flashing on his phone screen making him immediately feel better. Relief floods through his body as he abandons packing the bag on the bed so he can answer his phone.

“I’m okay.” She says as a greeting, although she doesn’t sound it. He’s known and loved her long enough to know when she's in pain, even when he can’t actually see her. Aaron can hear the sound of the buzz of an emergency room around her.

“Em. The car you were in was hit by a truck. You’re not okay.”

She chuckles slightly, the sound dying on her lips, and then winces. “Fine, I’m not okay.” She admits. “My entire body hurts, but you don’t have to come here. I’ll be home as soon as we recapture him.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He says, feigning innocence.

“I know you’re already packing a bag and thinking of a way to get the kids to my parents, despite the fact that it’s midnight.”

His eyes drift to the bag on the bed, hurriedly packed with things he hadn’t even really thought about as he shoved them in. She has known and loved him just as long as he has done the same for her, so it shouldn’t surprise him that she knows this would be his instinct, but it does.

Aaron thinks he could be married to her for 100 years and still be surprised by her. Amelia cries out, despite him only just getting her settled back into bed.

“Is she ok?” Emily asks, sounding weary.

“She’s fine, Em. Just missing you I think.” He sighs. The separation anxiety was bad on both sides, Amelia was just the right age for it. Crying out any time Emily wasn’t in the same room as her, having spent her entire life with her mother just within reach. He knew Emily was struggling too. She had gotten used to being around the kids all the time, and when she left for work only a couple of days ago it felt very reminiscent of her first day back after having Theo and Amelia. Torn between her family and her job, knowing both were important parts of who she was.

Aaron hated that her first case back had ended up like this, with her hurt and too far away for him to see her. To check she was really okay. It felt like a taste of how she must have felt when he was in hospital, leaving him behind and not having any way of knowing how he was.

“I miss her too. All of you.”

“We’ll be here when you get back.” ______________________

She realises she should have expected it the moment she sees him standing on the tarmac as she gets off the jet. He was never going to leave it, to let her make her own way home despite her assurances before they took off that Derek was going to drop her home.

Emily can’t hide the wince that escapes her as she walks down the steps of the jet to the ground, the pain vibrating through her aching body, stiff from a long flight and a lack of movement.

She tries to smile as she approaches him. She wants to reassure him that despite her appearance, the black eye, the massive bandage on her arm and how slowly she was moving that she really was ok. The concerned look on his face tells her that she has failed, and he gently traces the bruise below her eye with the pad of his thumb.

“Sweetheart.” Aaron says as he wraps his arms around her, loosening his grip when she stiffens in his embrace.

Emily presses her forehead into his shoulder. “Hell of a first case back.”

He pulls back from her, and sees Derek standing behind her with her go-bag in his hand. “Let’s go home, the kids are excited to see you.”

Aaron grabs her bag from Derek and throws a grateful nod to the team, knowing that they would have looked after her in his absence. He guides her over to their car and tries to help her in, but she bats his hands away, claiming she doesn’t need help.

He says nothing when he has to help her clip her seatbelt into place, the pain in her upper body too much for her to do it herself. ______________________

Theo runs into her so quickly when they get back to the apartment that they don’t have time to remind him to be gentle. He recoils quickly when she can’t control her reaction, the yelp of pain that escapes her as her son wraps his arms around her at full force.

“It’s ok, Theo. I promise.” She says, hoping he doesn’t pick up on the breathlessness in her voice. “You just need to be careful, okay.”

He nods. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Oh sweetheart.” She tugs him back into her, hand cupping the back of his head. “You could never hurt me, ok?”

She leads them over to the couch so she could sit down, and Theo immediately sits next to her, fingers tracing over the large white bandage on her arm. “Did the bad guy hurt you?”

Emily smiles softly at him. “Yes, sweetie. The bad guy hurt me.”

He looks concerned as he reaches for the bruise on her eye, fingers less gently than Aaron’s had been earlier and she manages to suppress a wince. “Was it George?”

Emily’s smile falters at that, and she pulls her son into her as best she can, hugging him close. “No, baby. George can’t hurt any of us anymore, remember? Daddy made sure of that.”

She feels Theo nod against her and she sighs. There were moments when she would love to bring George Foyet back just to kill him again herself. Whenever Theo mentioned him, fear colouring his face, she felt the hatred burning for the man throughout her entire body.

“Someone heard that Mommy was home.”

Emily looks up to see Aaron holding Amelia in his arms, the little girl scrambling to get into her arms. She winces as she takes her, the strain on her upper body unavoidable.

“Hi sweet girl.” She holds her daughter against her chest and the little girl immediately melts into her embrace.

Jack appears next, his concern all over his face as he looks at her. The moment he registers the bandage on her arm and her black eye apparent. “I’m fine, Jack.” She says before he could ask. “I promise.”

He nods, hands dug into his jeans pockets. “I’m glad.” He clears his throat. “I was thinking we could get pizza for dinner?”

Emily smiles widely at him. “Sounds great.”

______________________

Aaron puts Amelia to bed, and observes Theo brushing his teeth at Emily’s request. When he’s done Emily isn’t in the living room like he was when he had left her.

He seeks her out like he always has, knows her well enough to know her hiding spots even in this temporary apartment they found themselves living in. She is exactly where he thought she would be, looking out of the large window in the dining room that overlooked DC. It reminded him so much of the first place they’d lived together, before the desperation that came with wanting to build their family, everything that followed with Haley and then Foyet. The place where he had learnt just how much he needed her.

“Em?” He speaks gently, knowing she is still on edge from everything that’s happened recently. She jumps anyway, and he doesn’t miss the wince that follows. Her whole body still sore from the car accident she’d been in, the pain of it only beaten by the guilt she felt for not being able to save the detective she had been travelling with.

She turns to look at him, visible relief on her face when they lock eyes. She tries and fails to smile at him before turning back to look out the picture window. “Did Amelia go down ok?”

“She’s out like a light.” He walks towards her, gentle as he wraps his arms around her from behind. She leans back into him and allows him to take some of her weight. The easiness that had always been present in their physical affection had returned. His initial hesitance around her was gone as quickly as it had appeared. He was always touching her now, reassurance that she was there next to her, and he wasn’t going to open his eyes to find that this had all been some kind of cruel dream.

“Good. She’s been having trouble lately. I think it’s all the change.” She speaks absentmindedly, her thoughts clearly elsewhere.

He presses a kiss into her temple. “Want to talk about it?”

“Yes.” She says, swallowing against the lump in her throat. “But I don’t know where to start.”

He leads her to the couch and curls up behind her, gently dragging her aching body into the safety of his arms. Emily leans into him and hugs his arm across her chest, seeking comfort that only he could provide her.

“One of the men he killed today was home with his wife and son.” She says quietly the words of Dan Otley’s wife floating around her head like dust in the morning sun.

I was always afraid to believe it, you know? Because then it can be taken away.

“He was right there with his family and then…he just wasn’t.”

Aaron closes his eyes and presses a kiss to her temple. He knew what she was thinking, what fears would be tearing at the edges of her nerves. “Em, we’re all here. We made it.”

It had become a mantra of sorts. Something they’d say as they coaxed each other out of nightmares where they hadn’t been so lucky. Dreams where Aaron woke with the feeling of her blood on his hands seeming so real it would take her an age to calm him down, the only solution often being pulling his head to her chest. The sound of her heartbeat was the only thing that could assure him she was ok.

She’d see them all dead. Her husband and her children were stolen from her by a man she had never personally met. Emily would wake with tears already on her cheeks, shaking hands reaching for him as he held her fiercely. Reassuring words pressed into her skin as he stroked her hair.

“I know.” She replies softly. “But Theo still isn’t sleeping through the night. Jack is as angry as he was when Haley died. You and I are both a mess.” She half laughs, half cries. “The only one who is vaguely ok is Amelia and that’s because she doesn’t understand.”

Aaron carefully moves her so he can look at her. He tucks some of her hair behind her ear, letting his thumb trail down her cheek.

“Sweetheart, we’ll get there. All of us. It will just take some time - which we have plenty of.” She nods at him, but her eyes still betray how unsure she is. How terrified she is that she could lose everything. “What can I do to help?”

Emily smiles at him and cups his cheek. “You’re already doing it. I wouldn’t say no to a bath though.”

He guides her to the ensuite off of their room and runs a bath for her. Aaron can’t help the concerned look on his face when she slowly strips off her clothes, the black bruises left by the car crash all over her body.

“I’d say it looks worse than it is.” She quips. “But it feels pretty fucking terrible.”

He helps her into the tub. He doesn’t join her, in fear of hurting her, but he kneels on the ground next to her, fingers tangled through hers before he helps her wash the horror of a day she’d had away from her skin.

When they climb into bed and he lays as far away from her as possible she gives him a reproachful look. “Get the hell over here, Aaron.”

He wraps her in his arms, and he runs his fingers up and down her back. When she wakes in the middle of the night, images of watching a man get strangled in front of her replaying in her head, Aaron keeps his hold on her.

Just like he always would. ______________________

They go house hunting and it is every bit as painful as Emily remembers it being the first time around. Every property they are shown has something missing, something that just doesn’t sit right with them. Memories of their old house, the place they had planned to call home forever, haunting them at every turn.

Then they find it. A beautiful house in Arlington that ticks all of their boxes and more. The hardwood floors and white walls create a feeling of a new beginning. Enough bedrooms for the kids to have one each and one left over for a shared home office for Aaron and Emily.

Emily falls in love with the porch swing, memories of teaching Jack spanish flooding through her as the real estate agent raves about the wrap-around porch.

They sign the deeds that afternoon. ______________________

Aaron quickly realised that moving house while you had children was significantly harder than when you didn’t. He remembered when they bought their first house. How they slowly unpacked everything in between rounds of sex, christening every room they could. Many of them more than once.

This time they had no such luxury. Jack was moody, but helped distract Theo as the team helped them carry boxes into the house.

Amelia refused to be put down or held by anyone other than either of her parents. Pitching a fit as soon as she was passed to somebody else. Which is how Aaron found himself standing in his new kitchen, his daughter on his hip, as he unboxed their crockery one-handed.

The baby clearly felt as if she wasn’t being paid enough attention, because she slapped her hand to his cheek, her fingers digging into his dimples.

He huffed out a laugh. “Amelia, sweetheart, please be gentle with Daddy’s face. Your Mommy quite likes it.”

“Dada.”

He stops, almost drops the plate he had in his hand before he is able to put it down on the kitchen island. He looks at Amelia who is staring right at him.

“Did you just say, dada?”

“Dada.”

Aaron kisses the side of her head before leaving the kitchen in a rush, in a desperate attempt to find his wife. “Emily?”

“Aaron?” Her breathless reply comes back from the floor above, and he hears her racing down the stairs. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, but-”

“Jesus, Aaron.” She admonishes him, sighing. “Can you maybe not scare the shit out of me next time by shouting like the house was on fire?”

“Emily.” He says, stopping her before she could rant any further. She purses her lips and stands in front of him, hands on her hips. He turns his attention back to Amelia and bounces her on his hip slightly. “Amelia, who is this?” He asks, pointing at himself.

It takes a moment, and he briefly thinks he imagined it, but then he hears her sweet little voice again. “Dada.”

Aaron looks at Emily, and sees how tears immediately spring to her eyes. She steps towards them and hugs him, kissing Amelia as she does so. “What a clever girl you are.” ______________________

Emily misses the first time Amelia walks. It happened when she was away on a case. It hurts when Aaron tells her over the phone, a burning sensation in her chest as she fails to accept she missed such a pivotal moment in her daughter's life.

The pain eases when Jack texts her a video of the moment. The footage shows Amelia taking unsure steps between Theo and Aaron, the joy on her husband's face outweighing any upset she felt.

When she gets home two days later her amazing, loving husband recreates it for her. He makes her stand in the same hallway from the video and he asks Theo to stand a few paces away from him and Amelia before he sets the little girl on the floor.

Emily watches as Amelia toddles slowly back and forth between Theo and Aaron, Jack recording it on his cell phone, soft laughs coming from all of them. For the first time since that morning, when she walked into their old house and found a bullet hole in the wall and Aaron’s blood on the floor, she truly believed everything was going to be fine. That they had made it.

“Sweetheart?” She looks up to see Aaron standing at her side, Amelia in his arms, giggling to herself. “You ok?”

Emily nods and diverts her attention to their daughter who was now reaching out for her. She pulls Amelia into her arms and presses a kiss to the side of her head, her emotions getting the better of her as she thinks about her baby girl walking, and how grateful she was that they got to celebrate that moment as a family.

Aaron notices, as he always does, and he pulls Emily into a hug, holding her and their daughter in his embrace. He kisses Emily’s forehead and places a hand on Amelia’s back. “My girls.” He murmurs into his wife's hairline.

“Dad, gross.” Jack exclaims, making Emily laugh loudly as she leant further into Aaron.

“Yeah, Aaron. Gross.” ______________________

Emily wakes up first for once. She quickly gets out of bed and presses a kiss to Aaron’s cheek as she sneaks out of their room. She smiles when she enters Amelia’s room to see the little girl already awake, standing in her crib and reaching out for her mother.

“Morning, sweet girl.” She lifts the baby up and into her arms, pressing a series of kisses into her dark hair as she takes a seat in the chair in the corner of the room. “Happy birthday.”

“Mama.” Amelia settles in Emily’s arms, seemingly content to have an early morning snuggle with her mother. Her hand tangles in Emily’s hair as she talks to herself.

Emily runs her hand gently up and down her daughters back, content to have some rare one on one time with her. “I can’t believe it’s been a year.”

She still remembers the fear she felt that morning, walking into the bathroom to have her waters break a month early. Amelia making a dramatic entrance into the world that ended up being almost a prophecy for the year they would have.

“Is this a girls-only gathering or can anyone join?”

Emily looks up to see her husband standing at the door of the nursery, smiling at the two of them together. “What do you think, Amelia?” She whispers to the baby, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “We can make an exception for Daddy, huh?”

“Dada!” Amelia squeals, making Emily roll her eyes good naturedly while she mutters something about favouritism under her breath.

Aaron walks into the room and sits on the arm of the chair, and he presses a kiss to the side of each of their heads. “Happy birthday, sweetie.” He says as he kisses Amelia again.

Emily rests her head against his side. “What time is everyone arriving?”

“Not until this afternoon.” He lifts Amelia into his arms as he reaches for her, and stands up to place her on his hip. “So we can have a nice easy morning.”

A crash from outside the room happens almost simultaneously. “Theo.” Jack’s voice shouts out afterwards, frustration laced through his tone.

Emily laughs. “Since when did easy mornings exist in this house?” ______________________

When the party winds down that evening, the birthday girl is exhausted. The celebrations lasted well past her bedtime, and she passed out in her mothers arms for the last hour of it. Emily shifts Amelia in her arms as she walks upstairs to put her to bed, letting Aaron say goodbye to the rest of their guests.

She quickly changes her daughter into her pajamas, expertly doing it without waking her, and she lays her in the crib before kissing her gently, whispering how much she loves her against her forehead. Emily grabs the baby monitor as she leaves the room, softly closing the door behind her.

Emily checks in on Theo to see he was already asleep, the excitement of the day having worn him out. She sits on the edge of his bed and tucks him in a little tighter and she makes sure Archie is secure in his arms. She kisses him and gets up to leave.

“Love you, Mommy.”

She smiles and kisses his cheek again. “Love you too, sweet boy.”

As she walks down the stairs she passes Jack, who was heading up to his bedroom.

“Don’t stay up too late, Jack.”

He doesn’t stop as he walks past her, clearly already running late for when he told his friends he’d be online. “I won't, I promise. Love you, Emily.”

“Love you too.”

She goes in search of her husband and spots that the front door is slightly ajar. She finds him sat on the porch swing, a blanket half around him and a glass of wine in each of his hands. Emily smiles as she joins him, curling up into his side in the cold February evening, pulling the blanket around them both as she takes a glass from him and settles her cheek on his shoulder.

“Today was nice.” She says softly, snuggling into his side.

“It was.” He replies, taking a sip of his wine. “I can’t believe she’s a year old. So much has happened since then.”

She hums, turning her face to press a kiss to his neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Em.” He replies automatically.

She pulls back from him to look at him, her eyes searching for something he couldn’t quite place. “I know I say it a lot, but I really do love you. You know that right?” She whispers, the cold air she breathes out almost louder than the words themselves.

“Of course I do.” He frowns, pulls her impossibly closer, wrapping the blanket tighter around them both.

“I mean it Aaron,” she pulls away so she can look at him, cups his cheeks in her chilled hands. “I love you so much it’s almost ridiculous. I can feel it with every part of me. When we were apart…” Her voice falters like it always does when they talk about it, a wound still too fresh to not be painful even after the two months that had passed since they were reunited. “When we were apart I realised how much I need you. I had a glimpse of my life without you in it and I hated it.”

“Em.” He places his hands over hers on his cheeks, brings them down to his lap and tries to seep some warmth into them. “What’s brought all this on?”

She sniffs. “I don’t really know. I just keep thinking that this time last year Amelia was born, and it was scary as hell. And we had no idea what was coming. That Foyet would attack you in our home, that he’d try to kill our kids. Now everything is great again.” She wipes a tear from her cheek. “And despite the new house and everything I still feel like I’m waiting for the next thing to go wrong.”

“Em, sweetheart.” He stops her, leans her forehead on hers. “I can’t tell you nothing awful will happen to us again, that we’ve had our share. Because if that’s how it worked we’d have hit our limit with what happened with Haley.”

She nods against him, closes her eyes to stop more tears from falling. “I know.”

“What I can tell you is that whatever happens, whatever tomorrow, or a week or a year from now brings, we can face it together. Okay?”

She pulls back, looks at him with tears in her eyes and sees just how sure he looks. How resolute he is in what he is saying, and she believes him. “Okay.”

He kisses her, like he has a thousand times before, and pulls her into a hug. “I love you so much, Emily. More than I did yesterday, less than I will tomorrow.”

She snorts out a laugh before muffling it into his shoulder, aware all the kids were in the house asleep. “That was so fucking corny.” She presses her forehead into his neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” ______________________

I don't care what tomorrow brings, as long as I have you. - Molly Harper

#hotchniss #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #au fanfiction #CM fan fiction #ITSWM #WTB Universe #i'm going to go cry now #cannot believe it's done

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lesbianlotties · 3 years

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Journeys end in lovers meeting - Sam/Deena - Fear Street x Bly Manor AU

Chapters: 3/10 Fandom: Fear Street Trilogy (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Fraser/Deena Johnson, Sarah Fier/Hannah Miller (Fear Street), Christine "Ziggy" Berman/Nick Goode, Samantha "Sam" Fraser & Deena Johnson Characters: Samantha "Sam" Fraser (Fear Street), Deena Johnson, Kate Schmidt (Fear Street), Simon Kalivoda, Josh Johnson (Fear Street), Constance (Fear Street Part 3: 1666), Christine "Ziggy" Berman, Nick Goode (Fear Street), Alice (Fear Street Part 2: 1978), Sarah Fier (Fear Street), Hannah Miller (Fear Street), Solomon Goode (Fear Street) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, The Haunting of Bly Manor AU, Not Canon Compliant, Haunted Houses, Ghosts, Character Death, Minor Character Death, Canon Lesbian Relationship, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Au Pair Sam, Gardener Deena, Housekeeper Kate, Cook Simon, Josh and Constance as troubled kids, Ziggy and Nick in an unhealthy relationship, minor Cindy/Alice, Martin cameos, special appearances of all the Shadyside killers as ghosts, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, The Rest Is Confetti Summary:The year is 1994. Samantha Fraser recently moved to Shadyside, and she desperately needs a job that will help her leave her troubled past behind. She starts working as au pair at Shadyside Manor, where she is not the only one tortured by ghosts. Grief, regrets, guilt, innocent victims, and an ancient curse. At the center of all of it... love.

Chapter 3:

“We have to call the police.”

“No.”

“Why not?!” Sam exclaimed, throwing her arms up. She couldn’t believe Kate and Deena would refuse to call the police when a potentially dangerous stranger was wandering around the house. The three women were standing in the foyer of the house, but she took one look at Josh and Constance in the living room, sitting by the fire. Josh had a towel wrapped around him and he was still shivering. Sam was aware she barely knew them, but she felt so protective of them already. What Sam heard next, startled her out of her thoughts.

“Because the police would take his side,” Deena explained.

“Wait… you know him?”

“His name is Nick Goode,” Kate explained. Her shoulders deflated and Sam suddenly understood why they had looked so disturbed by her description of the man she saw outside the window. “He used to work here at the manor. He is a Sunnyvaler with a fucked up interest in this property and… in Christine Berman. We don’t know what he did to her or what he stole or what of shit he got himself into but one day he just… disappeared. The police, of course, blamed us. Blamed her. And… well… Christine killed herself waiting for him to return.”

“I’m going to call Simon,” Deena blurted out. She turned her back on Sam and Kate and moved to the phone. Sam couldn’t help noticing her hands were shaking. “It’s best if we all stay here tonight.”

“It’s pouring rain outside,” Kate pointed out.

“He can hold a fucking umbrella!”

While Deena made the call, Sam was lost in thought. Her hands were still tightened into fists and she made the conscious move to lose them. “Is he dangerous?” she asked Kate.

“No,” the housekeeper shook her head softly, but her distaste was clear as day on her face. “He’s just an entitled asshole.”

“Then I’m going out.”

“Sam, don’t,” Deena said, putting down the phone.

“It’s not raining that much,” Sam insisted, putting on her denim jacket and grabbing the fire poker again. “I don’t even need an umbrella.”

Sam walked out of the house, throwing a smile over her shoulder, which froze Deena in the spot. At least, until Kate slapped her arm.

“Deena, you go too.”

“It’s raining!”

“I’m going to kick your ass,” Kate rolled her eyes, she wasn’t fooled by Deena’s protests. She was just helping her friend, making her feel she was blindly following the new au pair out in the middle of a storm because she was instructed to and not because her heart told her to. “I’ll take care of the little shits. Go!”

Deena took a deep breath and glanced back at her younger brother. Somedays, it felt like they couldn’t recognize each other, but she would die for him, she would do absolutely anything for his safety. So, the gardener grabbed her jacket, her keys, and left the house. Kate stood in the doorway for a moment, until she couldn’t see Sam’s blonde head anymore. She had a bad feeling about all of this. She had been having a bad feeling deep inside her that she couldn’t shake for anything in the world, but she tried her best to ignore it. She shook her head a little, passed her hand over the back of her neck, and stood straighter. Then she walked toward the kids, determined to get them to bed before any more trouble could find them.

In the foyer, the only person left was Ruby Lane. She was hiding among the shadows, but even if she took one step forward nobody would see her, nobody ever saw her. She still wore that familiar skirt, and her blouse, and she couldn’t get rid of the razor blade in her hand. The sharp edge glinted menacingly, but it wasn’t half as frightening as her face. She used to be so beautiful, and now her features were dimmed, they had softened, lost some of their definition, but her angry, disgusted frown was still firmly in place.

Once outside and under the rain, which thankfully had slowed down considerably, Sam felt her determination waver slightly. But her bravado was renewed when she heard someone, not an attacker, catch up with her.

“Hey, Sunnyvale! Wait up,” Deena called out, and jogged the rest of the way to Sam’s side.

They exchanged a long look, studying each other. Apparently, Deena took a detour to go pick a shotgun from her truck, and she was currently carrying it as if it were an everyday occurrence for her. But, she was also frowning at Sam.

“So, what was your plan here, huh? Go out in the middle of a storm, chase a creep, and tell him that if he doesn’t leave you’ll give him extra homework?”

Sam scoffed, turned around, and started walking away, assuming Deena would follow her, or not. She understood that a large part of her bravado upon seeing Deena was just her desire to prove people wrong about the assumptions they might make about her. She didn’t stop to dwell on it for long, afraid of what else she might realize, but Sam did notice that with one look at Deena, her posture, her expression, she could tell the gardener wasn’t in one of her sweet moods and, instead, she was going to be, well, a little bit of an asshole.

“This is hardly a storm, it’s just drizzling,” Sam eventually said, raising her voice to be heard through the roaring of the wind around them.

“Really? That’s the part you’re going to respond to?” Deena chuckled, and hurried up so she was walking beside Sam. “I didn’t take you for the confrontational type, Sunnyvale. That’s all.”

Sam stayed silent for a moment. She was suddenly reminded of the last time, or the first time maybe, that she stood up to someone. The time that she faced her fears and fought back against a force that had been terrorizing her for years. Then she thought about how badly that had turned out, and how she was still dealing with the consequences.

“Well,” Sam cleared her throat, “I’m trying something new, I guess.”

“Oh yeah? I’d say-”

“What?!” Sam snapped. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with Deena’s smug tone, and maddening smirk, and only mildly accurate remarks about Sam’s entire personality. Perhaps she should have considered the sharp-edged weapon in her hand when she turned around hastily to face the gardener.

Deena jerked her head back when she was met with the fire poker, but she was still smirking, much to Sam’s irritation. Deena slowly raised her hand and gently pushed the poker’s sharp end again from its previous aim at her face. “I’d say,” she repeated, “it looks good on you.”

For a second, all they did was stare at each other. Deena’s smirk softened into a genuine smile, whereas Sam’s frown only deepened, but she wasn’t as angry as she was perplexed. She tried parting her lips to say something, but nothing came. Eventually, it was Deena who broke the silence.

“Let’s go check the chapel,” Deena nodded her head toward the small building, and the two of them were on their way.

The two women arrived at the chapel just in time, because the rain was worsening again. Deena stood by one of the windows and grimaced. “It’s raining too much now, maybe we should wait it out here for a moment,” she suggested. Not that she seemed very happy about it. It was like every attempt she made to distance herself from the intriguing au pair completely backfired.

Sam was casually wandering around the place, taking in the details. It was a spot that had been skipped over during her tour of the house. “What are those candles for?” she asked.

“That’s all Kate,” Deena replied. “Shouldn’t leave them burning though. But she never listens.”

“Oh,” Sam mumbled and walked closer. She observed, a little mystified, the way Deena blew over the four candles, killing each of them.

“They’re for the dead,” Deena explained upon noticing Sam’s curiosity. “At least that’s what Kate says.”

“You don’t agree?” Sam wondered. She took a seat in one of the pews, and Deena followed her lead, sitting in the one in front of her, and turning her body so she could look Sam in the eye.

“They’re for the Bermans, I think,” Deena shrugged. “If we were to really light up candles for everyone we’ve lost, we’d run out of space in here.”

Sam hummed in understanding, and for a while, they were silent. Each of them was lost in their own memories about lost ones. Neither of them was aware of an additional presence in the chapel with them. Tommy Slater didn’t mind going unnoticed. He could barely see them anyway. He could only tighten his grip on the axe, rest his back against the wall, spend one more day, or month, or year, in the quiet corners of Shadyside manor.

Eventually, Sam broke the silence. “So,” she cleared her throat, “do you just casually carry a shotgun with you everywhere?”

Deena chuckled, and Sam couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed. “It’s for rats,” Deena explained, “which includes Nick fucking Goode.” She made a pause, and because she liked the way Sam listened and smiled at her, Deena felt compelled to do something against it. “You don’t have to risk your life for… the kids, or the job, you know?” For us, Deena stopped herself from saying that.

“Don’t belittle me, Deena, please,” Sam said with a small frown.

“I’m not. I’m just trying,” to protect you? “to warn you, Sam.”

Sam pursed her lips and considered Deena’s words. The gardener was content seeing that Sam didn’t just immediately disregard what she was trying to say. “I dealt with enough shit in Sunnyvale,” Sam admitted quietly, but later added a smile. “Your haunted house doesn’t scare me, Deena.”

Her words ignited a bright smile to take over Deena’s face. The gardener, of course, immediately looked away, trying to get her expression in control. When she looked back at Sam, her smile was much smaller, but her eyes said it all. “What scares you then?” Deena asked.

“What scares you?” Sam said and squinted at her.

“Hey, I asked first!”

“Well, will you answer if I answer?”

Deena shook her head, but she was having trouble holding back her smile. Where did this adorably awkward school teacher come from? More accurately, how the hell did she end up in Shadyside manor out of all places, in Deena’s path, more precisely?

“Alright,” Deena relented, and leaned her head on her hand, ready to listen.

Sam smiled, and then took a deep breath, gathering her courage. “I suppose I’m scared of… hopelessness,” she said slowly. “I’m scared of giving up. Scared of having nothing worth fighting for anymore. Uh… does that make sense?”

The gardener blinked twice, trying to clear her mind. She hadn’t expected that answer. But it would have been foolish to expect an answer along the lines of heights or spiders. It was obvious that Sam Fraser was infinitely more complicated than she seemed at first sight. Deena had to use all her strength to keep herself from wishing to know more about the au pair.

“I don’t know if that’s more Sunnyvale or Shadyside of you, but yes, it makes sense,” Deena finally replied.

Sam beamed at her, and asked, “What about you?”

Deena had known her answer for many years, but she still put on a show about thinking about it. She really was thinking about it or, at least, about the right way to say it after what Sam just said. “I’m scared of hope,” she replied.

“Are you making fun of me?”

“I would never,” Deena shook her head. “I’m genuinely not very fond of everything that comes along with having too much hope. Broken promises, crushed expectations, being let down… letting people down. It’s best to save yourself from it all.”

Sam had been listening very seriously. When Deena met her eyes both of them had a little trouble breathing normally. The small chapel suddenly felt too crowded. Sam was beyond thankful that Deena had trusted her with her words, but she could tell in those sweet brown eyes that the gardener was growing uncomfortable. Before Deena could grow desperate enough to take back her words and her moment of vulnerability, Sam tried something. A tiny smile crept into her lips. “That sounds boring,” she said softly.

Deena raised a playful eyebrow at her. “It’s safe,” she said. She was relieved for the gently offered exit out of the heavy emotional place they had wandered into. “Don’t go making fun of me now. I still have a shotgun here, you know?”

Sam laughed wholeheartedly, and Deena easily joined her. The silence afterward was different, comfortable, and easy. Deena was leaning over the back of the seat, and Sam was leaning forward. That left them a little closer than they had expected. It became a little too easy to get lost in each other’s eyes. Those two pairs of eyes that were full of secrets and trying their hardest not to let anyone else see.

Then, very suddenly, the windows of the chapel were lit in bright light. Those were a car’s headlights. “Must be Simon,” Deena cleared her throat and jumped out of her seat. “We should go back.”

Sam nodded in silent agreement, and started following Deena out of the chapel. But halfway through she let out a quiet gasp. “Do you think I shouldn’t have left the kids in the first place?”

Deena fondly chuckled and gently pushed the anxious au pair out of the chapel. The two of them walked outside and closed the door behind them. The chapel was left completely empty.

The storm got worse, and this time it definitely didn’t show any signs of stopping soon. Luckily, everyone had made it back to the house. Constance and Josh had finally fallen asleep, not without a fight though. The adults were gathered in one of the rooms of the big house, seated close by the fire, drinking hot chocolate, and with blankets on their laps. Sam was finally warming up. She had put up her damp hair in a ponytail, and she was listening intently to her coworkers. The three of them were finally unveiling the tragic story behind Christine Berman’s death. Kate was the one to lead the story.

“After Cindy and her husband died, Christine had the reins of the entire property. Alice owned a chunk of it, but she’s never wanted to get personally involved with this place, I guess. The house can be scary but it’s still a big property with a lot of value. Christine and Alice decided to get someone to protect the place, you know, keep an eye on the property and the few of us living and working here. That’s when Nick Goode came into the picture. Supposedly, he was tired of the police department of Sunnyvale, and moved here in search of something different.”

“And there’s nothing more different to Sunnyvale than this shithole, isn’t it?” Deena joined in. Her jaw was tense and her eyes displayed a wave of anger in them that almost frightened Sam. “Nick and Christine started dating almost immediately and it wasn’t cute, let me tell you. They were obsessed with each other. It was a picture-perfect toxic relationship. He was so… controlling. It was almost scary. He decided everything they did, when, and how they did it. He had a say in everything she said, and wore, and did. It was fucking suffocating just to watch them from afar. She made him her everything, and when he was gone, well… she had nothing left.”

That’s when it clicked for Sam that the anger in Deena’s eyes was much more complicated than that. It was grief. It was regret. In some way, Sam wouldn’t be surprised if Deena blamed herself for not intervening in some way to help the other woman. The next one to speak up was Simon. The poor man tried his best to keep up his usual spark, but it was pretty much impossible. He was fidgeting on his seat, running his hand through his hair repeatedly, and moving his eyes across the room to avoid letting anyone see the way they watered at the mention of Christine.

“He went missing, one day. Nick was a weird dude, if we’re being completely honest. He always acted weird with the rest of us, he was shifty and shit. He was weirdly obsessed with this house. There’s no way he wasn’t hiding some dark shit. And whatever that was, it came back to bite him in the ass. He had to run away. He just disappeared, like the cowardly rat he is. But… you know. Christine lost herself after that. The police didn’t help either. They were convinced she had killed him or something. They harassed her half the time, and she tortured herself waiting for that piece of shit the other half of the time. But she… she was our friend, you know?”

In the end, Simon was biting his nails, his eyes were distant, and he was shaking a little, not from the cold. Sam nodded slowly, she felt like she couldn’t really breathe easily, and she couldn’t imagine how the others were dealing with it all. Kate took her turn once more to finish the story.

“Constance found her. One damn foggy morning. Floating on the stupid lake. Then Deena found Constance.” There was a pause, and none of them could avoid glancing at Deena, but the gardener didn’t meet anybody’s eyes. When Kate continued talking, her voice wavered, and soon enough her eyes were tearing up beyond any attempt to hide it. “That kid really loved her aunt, you know? I mean, Constance adored Christine. Even more after her parents… And then motherfucking Nick Goode even stood in between them as much as he could. Some days I look at Constance and it’s like watching a younger version of Christine. She’s so much like her. It hurts. Because, in the end, Christine wasn’t a happy person anymore. We don’t want that for Constance, you know? She hasn’t been herself for a whole year. But since you arrived… she’s fighting with you all day long, running, protesting, yelling, and I just think… that’s our girl, she’s not gone. She’s still a little shit though.”

When she was done, Kate was wiping away tears, and trying to take deep breaths. But at the end of her story, she had laughed tearfully, talking about Constance. Deena and Simon had joined in. Soon enough they were sharing all kinds of stories about the young Berman girl. Kate had known her almost her entire life, when she started babysitting for her. Deena and Josh arrived just a couple of years later. Simon joined in last. He was hired after the Bermans died, but before Nick Goode showed up. Sam listened intently to their stories. Somehow, they managed to make her feel welcome, and like a part of that mismatched family they had formed in that objectively unlucky place. She appreciated it. And she also realized that she had stepped into a story that was infinitely more complicated than she could have ever expected.

Maybe it was the drinks that Kate and Simon brought out at one point during the night. but Sam was getting a little dizzy trying to understand the tangle of limbs that were the housekeeper and the cook. They fell asleep pretty much on top of each other and it didn’t look very comfortable, but it made Sam smile.

“Are they… a couple?” Sam asked Deena in a hushed tone.

The gardener chuckled and moved from her previous chair to sit beside Sam on the sofa. They were the only two people alive awake in that house. “God no,” she shook her head. “That embarrassing sight is completely platonic.” She made a pause, enjoyed Sam’s small laugh, and then decided to take a risk. “Why you ask?”

“Just, uh, curiosity,” Sam replied.

“I hope you weren’t too interested, Sunnyvale. I’d hate to break your heart letting you know Simon’s gay.”

Sam smiled and shook her head. “I wasn’t… I’m not… it’s not like that,” she stuttered.

“Okay,” Deena nodded. She kept her smirk controlled, and tried to convince herself she was only doing this to tease the other girl, with no ulterior move or secret interest in her answer. “If it helps… so is Kate.”

Sam was staring into Deena’s eyes when the meaning of her words registered. The panic in the au pair was instant, and it worsened when she took notice of how close Deena was, how intently they were looking at each other, and how heavy were the additional questions hanging in the air between them. “Oh,” Sam croaked out, and attempted to clear her throat. “So… um… you, uh… why do you think Nick Goode would come back now? After abandoning Christine before.”

At first, Deena was quiet. She bit her lip, doing what she could to hide how confused she was about the contradicting feelings of relief and disappointment at the change of subject. Then she relaxed, leaned back on the couch, and searched for an answer. “He probably doesn’t even know she’s dead. People like Nick Goode aren’t happy losing. They want to have it all. No exceptions. He isn’t content just walking away,” Deena said. She was surprised by the clear as day understanding she saw in Sam’s eyes.

“He can’t just let her go. He has to feel like he still owns her,” Sam added. She looked a little dazed for a moment, but she was brought back to the conversation at hand when she noticed Deena agreeing with a nod. “But… that feeling doesn’t come from a place of love, does it? It’s the opposite, really.”

Deena shifted uncomfortably on her seat. “Yeah,” she agreed softly. She couldn’t stop staring at Sam though, and she had a strong suspicion that she was in serious trouble when it came to the things the peculiar au pair could make her feel.

Not too long later, Sam and Deena parted ways and walked to their respective bedrooms, not without a significant amount of awkwardness hanging between them. Especially when Sam nearly crashed against Deena when the brunette stopped in front of her bedroom, because then Sam was a little too aware of standing right outside of Deena’s room. She failed to save the situation by walking away in a flurry of apologies and “goodnight”s, waving so enthusiastically and looking back so nervously that she did crash into a wall and had to dismiss Deena’s soft “Are you okay there, Sunnyvale?”

Finally, Sam made it to her bedroom, locked the door behind her, and shortly later collapsed in her bed. She was restless though, tossing and turning in bed while her mind ran wild. She couldn’t help but flash back to several moments throughout the day she had shared with Deena. She thought about Deena’s smile, and Deena’s frown. About Deena’s obvious defense mechanisms, and Deena begrudgingly letting down her guard in front of her. Deena walking with the shotgun gripped firmly in her hand, Deena draped comfortably over the couch, stealing glances at Sam and boldly refusing to look away when Sam caught her.

Eventually, even though she fought her hardest to restrain herself, Sam’s imagination got the best of her. There was that one moment with the two of them seated close together on the couch. So close that Sam could still remember the warmth of Deena’s arm next to hers. So close that Sam couldn’t stop herself from imagining what would have happened if she had leaned in just a little closer, and then just a little more…

Before picturing exactly what would have happened, Sam made the terrible mistake of rolling to her side again, just to find out she wasn’t alone in bed. She came face to face with a sight that wasn’t that unfamiliar to her, yet it was the most horrible thing she could have imagined. She screamed and scrambled backward in bed until she fell to the ground. She stayed there, eyes closed tightly and tears streaming down her cheeks. She had just seen him. He was right there. He wasn’t in the mirror, he was in her bed, in Shadyside, and it wasn’t fair. She had turned around in bed to see him there more than enough times before. She ran away to avoid precisely this and it didn’t even work. He was there, blinding eyes, a disgusted snarl of his lips, a furious frown, strong arms covered in blood, and the watch on his wrist broken beyond repair. Why was her mind doing this to her?

Sam rocked back and forth on the floor of the bedroom until her breathing calmed down enough. She tentatively raised her head to take a look at the bed, and then the rest of the room. She was alone, completely alone, permanently alone.

Life at Shadyside Manor was complicated enough. But, tragedy and threats aside, Sam’s job was the kid’s education. The next day, there was still a soft rain falling down over the property. They didn’t have another option but to spend the morning cooped up in the classroom, and apparently, it was taking its toll on the teenagers. Well, at least on one of them. Josh was quiet as usual. But Ziggy was in a particularly sour mood. Sam could understand kids trying to act way older than they were. She had worked with eight years old Sunnyvalers who were already looking forward to being CEOs of their parents’ companies. But Ziggy… she was a peculiar case.

“Sam, you’re giving me a headache. Just fucking call me Ziggy, okay?” the teenager complained.

“The headache is mutual, Ziggy,” Sam replied, leaning against the desk in front of the room. “Now, could you please just answer the question?”

“What’s the point?” Ziggy scoffed. “Look, it’s not the first time some emotionally fragile girl tries to teach me arithmetic.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter! This shit is useless in the real world.”

“You need an education, Ziggy, if you ever want to have a life.”

Ziggy chuckled darkly, with bitterness beyond her fifteen years. She slammed a hand on the table in front of her and jumped off her chair. “Fucking maths won’t give me my life back!”

“Ziggy!”

Sam was startled. It was Josh who had called out the girl’s name, and he sounded really angry and not like himself at all. He stood up from his seat and walked slowly toward Constance, who immediately sat down and was suddenly very quiet and still. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she pretty much shuddered at the contact. Sam thought that was really odd, considering she was usually the extroverted and lead troublemaker in their dynamic.

“I apologize for Ziggy’s behavior,” Josh addressed Sam with an odd and unfamiliar formal tone. “I think she needs a moment. We’re just tired of spending the entire day in the classroom. You know, with the storm last night and everything, we’re restless. You get it, don’t you, Samantha?”

Sam tried hard not to visibly frown at the way Josh talked to her. It rubbed her the wrong way. She glanced at the clock and noticed there would have been only about twenty minutes left of the class planned for the morning.

“If you don’t call me that again, we can call it a day for now,” She said.

“Thank you very much,” Josh replied with a grin she had never seen on him before. Well, except for the day when he gave her those roses that made Deena so furious.

As the two teenagers walked to the door of the classroom, Sam addressed the young girl once more. “I expect a better attitude tomorrow, Constance.” It was like the girl didn’t even hear her. “Constance?”

Constance was already on the other side of the door, but when Sam repeated her name she stopped in her tracks. She turned around hastily. “Huh?”

“Did you listen to me?”

“What? Oh. Um… Yeah…” Constance mumbled, looking more than a little confused, and then she walked away in the opposite direction from Josh.

That night, things were much better. The rain had finally stopped not too long ago. During dinner, Ziggy had suggested watching a scary movie with such childish excitement that nobody could have said no to her. Even Simon, not without some hesitation, agreed to stay at the manor one more night, trusting that his neighbor, Mr. McQueeny, was taking good care of his mother.

All of them were having a good time. Ziggy was having the time of her life making fun of the character’s poor decisions. Josh reacted badly to the jump scares, but he proudly announced himself as smartest in the room for predicting almost every single plot twist. Kate and Simon were in a constant argument, because she playfully insisted that her microwaved popcorn was much better than the creative array of snacks he had prepared for their evening.

Sam and Deena were on a different couch, fondly watching the others enjoy themselves. Deena was about to make fun of Sam, who looked almost as scared as the main character of the movie, running for her life. The gardener looked at the woman sitting beside her and she was pleasantly surprised to find Sam meeting her eyes. Sam didn’t look away from Deena, even as her hand moved swiftly to find Deena’s hand, which had been resting on the space between them. The movie and their friend’s fuss continued in the background, but for a moment, Sam and Deena felt like they were the only two people in the world.

Deena couldn’t keep up Sam’s stare. She had to look down at their intertwined hands, to make sure it was real. She gulped nervously and looked back up at Sam. “Are you okay?” she had to ask, dreading that maybe the au pair was just scared of the movie.

Sam smiled a little, and nodded. She squeezed Deena’s hand a little, softly rubbed her thumb over the gardener’s knuckles, and then she let go. She returned her hand to her lap, but she looked happy in a way that Deena hadn’t seen her before. “I actually love these movies,” Sam confessed.

Deena chuckled. Although her hand ached to reach out for Sam again, she understood. “You’re full of surprises, Sunnyvale.”

The two women relaxed, but it was short-lived. A moment later, a loud thunder rattled the entire property, and the lights went out. Apparently, the storm wasn’t done with them. All of them gasped, some of them screamed. The lights came back on, flickered menacingly, and went out again. Everyone scrambled off their seats, Ziggy tried to scare Kate, Simon went off looking for a flashlight, the phone started ringing and everything was a mess. Lightning bolts illuminated the room, only briefly. But, in the commotion, nobody paid any mind to Ryan Torres. He watched everything unfold from a corner of the room. He couldn’t understand everything that happened, he couldn’t make himself be a part of any of it. He glanced at the knife on his hand, and another strike of lightning reflected on it. Still, nobody else noticed.

The ringing of the phone was driving them crazy while trying to deal with the power outage. Deena couldn’t stand it anymore. She marched to the other room and yanked the phone from the wall. “What the fuck you want?” she snapped at the innocent person on the other line. Everyone had followed her lead and Simon was shining a flashlight in her direction when everyone noticed the way the gardener’s face completely changed from annoyance to shock and devastation. “It was your neighbor, Mr. McQueeny,” she was clearly addressing Simon. Her face said it all. “I’m so sorry, Simon.”

#sunday update!!#i hope you like it! please share!!#fear street #sameena #sam x deena #fear street fanfiction #sam fraser #deena johnson #my fic

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