those mother fuckers i bet dimension 20 named the mentopolis cast "the prefrontal pis" so my illiterate ass could read it as "prefrontal piss" by george

Grandpa Tor Remembers: Camping with UMass Boys (and their plentiful tents)

So (2) people want to know about the time my girlfriend and I put on a show for a dorm full of guys.

Alright. 🫠

It was the Fall 1993 semester at UMass Amherst, and my girlfriend (let's call her...'Kelly') was dorming with a Puerto Rican girl who was obsessed with Luis Miguel (this girl was a walking stereotype of Puerto Ricans 💀). There were posters of the guy all over the room — along with the requisite Jesus iconography/crucifix on the damn wall — without any space for my girlfriend's shit, so if we were going to be doing anything, we'd still be surrounded by that guy's face (and fkn Jesus, when Kelly was Jewish and I was atheist 😭🤣). This roommate hated being around my gf and hated it even more when I was around, so thankfully the weekend this happened, she had gone home to wherever the fuck she was from (Holyoke, I think) and my gf let me know so I could hop a bus over. Zero to do with the story, just setting the weird ass scene I was shuffled into at that time in my life. If I recall, her roomie wanted to be a nurse, too. 💀💀💀💀💀 But she was also big religious/a big Jesus beater, so she hated being roomed with a free-spirited Jewish lesbian like Kelly and made Kelly's life Hell whenever she was around.

Me being highly sexed and Kelly being receptive all the time led us to start fucking as soon as we got up into the roommateless room. Today, there was a banana involved, but the boys did not see that part. 😉🍌 Yes it went where you're thinking...not into me though 💩

Her bed was next to the wall and window. If you sat up in the bed, you could turn your head to see out the window and see the other dorms across the ways.

I was lying on my back on the bed and Kelly was doing her usual sexy stripper dance over me (this was a thing she did for me/us...easy to do with the Lords of Acid blasting around you)...and she suddenly turned beet red and started laughing.

Now when Kelly turned beet red and started laughing the way she did at the time, you know something's fucked up, so I sat up and asked her what was wrong. She knelt down and her laughter got worse (she was the giggly type). She pointed towards the window, so I looked out to see a whole fucking bunch of guys watching her from the windows of the other dorm (like... I'm not talking just a couple of guys... I'm talking dozens, since the windows were filled up with smiling, amused young college boys).

So instead of getting embarrassed, what did I do...I got on my knees and told Kelly to calm it and to straighten her back so they could see us pressed together. After waving at them, I (we) pulled a Cairo for their male gaze

after which they were all cheering like it was a fucking football game and someone just scored a touchdown.

Our kissing lasted much longer than the above drunken Male Gaze Kiss, so I hope some of them enjoyed themselves. We did not show them anything else besides boob (we were both un our bras and I flashed them, but Kelly was too shy...maybe because hers were big and mine were like Ortega's), but they seemed satisfied just to watch us make out and feel each other up. College boys in the '90s were too easy, and we both had our pick (but we were too picky...both interested in older men). Kelly said she wasn't sure if she could show her face on campus after that but all was good, she was never bothered by anyone about it.

I know, it wasn't as big of a show as you expected. We didn't fuck in front of them (well, we technically did, but they couldn't see it...and they knew that we were going to because before I sank back down onto the bed with Kelly, I gave them a final wave and a 👅✌🏼...I could see some disappointed faces but most were happy and waving g'bye back 🤭). We saved that kind of thing for later, when we fucked in front of my big dicked comics store boss who wanted to join in (but we didn't let him). 👹

Next story? I suppose I ought to do a new poll.

Just asking...

If I write a fic where a certain Angel and a particular Demon just so happen to be on a very big ship on its maiden voyage and I use they/their pronouns for the Demon the whole time... would anyone read it?

the housewife schlatt hcs ABSOLUTELY have to be turned into a fic im literally writhing around on the floor 😭🙏 (p.s. luv u <3)

i promise once i get free time to actually sit down and write, I WILL WORK ON THIS.

anon ilyt 💞

my job is kicking my ass

@ikkaku-of-heart​ [IKKAKU] :  "So, unless proven otherwise, should we assume all gingers within a certain age range are your kids? I mean, Eustass Kid is basically your mini-me, Nami doesn't know her birth parents, and Drake...well, ok, he does know who his dad is but from what I've heard, you'd probably be a step up in that department."

He’s got enough sense about him to at least attempt to wince at her question. Maybe he should have been more embarrassed than he truly felt. 

“Y’know, there are other redheads in the world, Ikkaku.”

Just because he got around didn’t mean he was responsible for all of them. Surely a fair share may have been his, but that didn’t mean they all were. Or at least he seriously hoped not.

“Eustass Kid is my mini-me because he was practically begging me to make him into one,” he said flatly. Shanks wasn’t sure how old the other red haired captain was, so--no, no. He was not going to even entertain that fault. “S’pose nothing’s really impossible. Except for Drake--he’s far too old to be mine. His old man was a real peace of work, though.”

He rested his arm on her shoulder and gave her a faux-irritated sideways glance. “The real question is: why do you feel the need to put these thoughts in my head?”

if i had a nickel for every au spawned from twitter that i SWORE i was going to be normal about

the most unrealistic part of izombie - a show where zombies are real and can solve crimes by eating brains - is that the character ravi isn't slamming ass all over the city. like he's supposed to be a medical examiner in seattle which is a $100k+ salary and he's played by rahul kohli and y'all are really trying to convince me this 6'4" doctor isn't knee deep in pussy 24/7?? zombies I can accept but trying to convince me this man with a full head of hair and a british accent has to fight for women's attention absolutely annihilates my suspension of disbelief.

“Im going to be more active!” *forgets to be more active* ಥ‿ಥ

Congratulations GemPearl for winning the trafficblr shipping poll!

this is compensation for missing the vote entirely please forgive

year of yuri off to a roar of a start!

🌟🍬🤖🎈Congrats to Wonderlands x Showtime for finishing their 4x4!🌟🍬🤖🎈

they're having a girl's night! which means painting nails so she's painting the tips of his fingers with a paintbrush

I'm their biggest fans I wish them nothing but a life of whimsy and joy

chill and normal girls

it is currently 12:30 pm and I have an exam tomorrow

The story of how i ship ragapom/hj

I'm getting wrecked by midterm exams so expect fewer posts from me

Pls ignore the hand I linearted it before realizing it looked wrong when it was already too late

so we're all in agreement, right? we'd all kill for her, right? Milk Pansa as Ongsa (23.5, 2024)

zelda x ace attorney crossover concept