#i mean- in fbi
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when gideon said "you don't need a gun to kill somebody" in 2005 and now it's 2023 and i'm still too stupid to understand what he meant
#i mean- in fbi#i know why you don't need it in like normal life#but when you are an fbi agent how can you kill without a gun#criminal minds#spencer reid#aaron hotcher#aaron hotch hotchner#jason gideon#gideon criminal minds#tv shows#elle greenaway#emily prentiss#jj#mgg#matthew gray gubler#mathew gray gubler#thomas gibson#shemar moore#derek morgan#penelope garcia
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I'm going to force you to play the joke FNAF dating sim my friend and I are making
#by 'making' i mean i brought the idea up as a joke this afternoon and then we got really really into it and wrote a bunch of concepts up#i think we're actually going to do it#dear god#(we decided the routes will be Henry#Will#Mike (corpse version)#and Springtrap#NO ANIMATRONICS THOSE ARE CHILDREN#(at least the fnaf 1 animatronics are)#we thought up a joke ending where if you try and hit on the animatronics the FBI arrests you#read the tags#fnaf#if anyone wants to hear about this. tell me. i am Eager to share the concepts.#we don't know what to call it#right now the doc we're writing the script on is called 'uh oh spaghettios peepaw mode'#and obviously we can't call it that#i wanted to call it Five Nights With Divorced Dads#but Mike isnt a divorced dad
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i respect bottom hoffman truthers, i dabble quite a bit myself, there's just something about strahm's general attitude and need to be the cleverest, most domineering and intimidating guy in the room that makes me want to see him experience a full factory reset via the prostate. with tears
#put the bossy little fbi boy in his place and all that. you know what i mean#these r the final thoughts of a dying man btw (<- has exam in the morning)#saw#hoffstrahm#coffinshipping#peter strahm#mark hoffman#cider.txt
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Pleaseeee I need the live stream audience’s (and their fbi agent) reaction to Steve pulling the nail bat out to defend Ozzy’s honour. The series is so amazing thank you for giving it to us!
Considering the fact that Eddie got Steve to sit down on the bed, kissed his forehead, and then left Steve, Ozzy, and the live-stream to go ‘talk’ to Dan, the unanimous reaction among the chat was, what the actual fuck.
Steve, mindless to the live-stream, flops back on the bed with a loud sigh and doesn’t even complain when Ozzy, still wet from what little time he had in his pool, jumps up on the bed next to him. Steve ruffles Ozzy’s wet fur and tells him, “You deserve nice things, buddy. If an asshole breaks your things, you have every right to break their face. That’s justice, right?”
Ozzy puts his paw on Steve’s chest and Steve nods, “You get me.”
Meanwhile, the chat is blowing up with people being like ‘adorable’ and ‘cute’ and ‘I wish he’d pet me like that’ while other people who aren’t incurably horny are just like, ‘are we going to talk about the bat? Why the fuck does that thing exist? Why does it look used? Why is it being wielded by a middle school teacher with fucking ease???’
“He’s a jock,” Eddie answers. “Of course, he has a bat. All jocks have bats.”
‘NOT WITH NAILS IN IT’ The chat explodes.
“Home security?” Eddie tries with a shrug. “I’ve been trying to get him to GET RID OF IT for decades now.”
Steve doesn’t even lift his head when he says, “I got rid of my axe.”
“You had your axe taken away from you,” Eddie replies because that was true. After the gates were officially closed, the government confiscated everything that so much as breathed in the direction of the Upside Down. Both Steve’s axe and Eddie’s sweetheart were taken.
The only reason the nail bat survived was because the government didn’t know it existed.
A couple days later when half his live-stream chats are still filled with people being like ‘why was he so comfortable holding it?’ and ‘this is a prop from a music video, right?’ and ‘please answer or I’m going to actually die,’ Eddie does provide an answer. He says, “Try googling Hawkins, Indiana. I think that’ll answer all of your questions.”
It does not.
It actually asks a lot more questions.
The introduction of the somewhat-alluded-to-before nail bat to the Steddie Conspiracy Forums causes absolute chaos. No one can agree on anything. It validates so many theories and creates dozens more especially when Steve lets it slip in the background of another live-stream that Jonathan actually made the bat and Steve just never gave it back.
Meanwhile, the only benefit to Steve’s particular brand of shitty parents is that he learned how to girlboss gaslight gatekeep from absolute pros. Anytime one of his students asks him about the nail bat, Steve acts like he has no idea what they’re talking about. He has literally never heard of such a thing, “Like the animal? Their fingernails?”
As for their agent.
Their reaction was heard across all the office cubicles in the basement of the building. Just a loud, disbelieving, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”
#Ozzy: *putting his paw on Steve’s chest to say stop acting this way*#Steve: *interpreting it to mean what he wants it to mean*#I like to think that nail bat is in the Hawkins File but is unconfirmed because the FBI could never find it#It's mentioned briefly during Dustin and Lucas' debriefing in 1984 but the FBI didn't give enough of a shit about Steve to#check under his bed for the bat so Steve just kept it. The same thing happened with Nancy's gun from season 2#But his axe was taken while they were being decontaminated after going into the Upside Down. Steve's still bitter about it#eddie munson tiktok saga#eddie munson#steve harrington
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Lazarus Pact AU
In the last moments of his reign, King of the Inifinite Realms attacked the victor and fled to the mortal plane to prevent the Tyrant known as Pariah Dark from absorbing his core and stealing his powers for himself. Those who couldn't challenge the new king's rule and wanted nothing to do with the barbaric monarch followed soon after.
Notably, the seemingly countless elite warriors who were revered for their expertise at ectoplasmic manipulation who joined the Former King throughout his eons-long time as ruler of the Realms.
However, in an environment with very little to no ambient ectoplasm, they had to use their energy reserves sparingly until they found a new home. The journey nearly resulted in them nearly fading from existence in the void of space, but they had found salvation in the form of beings called 'Guardians' who held similar beliefs to the monarch himself.
So, a pact was made, and conditions had to be met. The most important were the following:
~•~ ~•~ ~•~
1) The Warriors of the Infinite Realms would house themselves in artifacts that were virtually indestructible to any form of harm to keep them safe.
The Guardians would create power rings to keep them safe.
2) Ectoplasm was essential for beings of the Realms. Without it is to perish, so an energy would be needed to replenish their cores.
The Guardians got to work and made ectoplasmic generators that could revitalize a warrior's energy within a matter of seconds to carry on in their duties. These devices were to be called Lanterns.
3) A stealth team would be made to keep an eye on the happenings within the Inifinite Realms, specifically the young king Dark, and reported to the former king.
The Guardians established an elite team of Green Lanterns composed of their best members. These mission reports would be classified and kept secret from the Corps at large for the former king's eyes only.
4) Should Pariah Dark lose his crown, they would be informed by the former king. Should the new monarch be a just soul, the Green Lanterns are to protect this being with their lives and come to his aid in his hour of need.
Failure to do so will result in the forced disbanding of the Green Lanterns Corps via the destruction of the his own core. The Guardians, despite their scientific prowess and failsafes, could not hope to stop this event if it came to pass.
Upon hearing this, the Guardians would anxiously make their weekly scouting parties turn daily and scour the Realms for trouble.
5) From that day onward, the former king would no longer be addressed with his old title. A new one would be made.
The Guardians would address the entity as Ion, the Being of Willpower.
~•~ ~•~ ~•~
When Ion booms across all power rings that the new king is in need of immediate assistance, the Guardians send every available Lantern to intercept the threat.
The question being...who is it?
#dc x dp#justice league#danny phantom#I like to imagine that danny is attacked by the GIW and abducted only for the space fbi to knock there doors down#or the Justice League detaining him as he's an unknown yet powerful being#but then the watchtower is swarmed by the Green Lanterns demanding they release the king of the inifinite realms#Ion is panicking because 'that is a whole ass infant' in terms of total ghost and mortal time existing#Danny is like 'what the FUCK do you mean I have the space police as guards!?'#dp x dc
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my friend just told me that whenever they see x files stuff its just "that one guy being girlypop"
#and i can't argue#mulder is the poppiest of the girls#he is the wifeiest of males#he puts the 'f' in fbi#thats if f was for femininity#fox w(oman) mulder#fox mulder#mulder#the x files#im not being mean to him btw#just in case anyone wants to argue#go look at how he sits while talking to lauren kyte#in shadows (s1e6)#and the way he asks scully if detective white is a virgin?#typical girlypop gossip
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i think light novels are really going somewhere
#this is probably where someone goes 'ashley didn't you know that Chillin In My 30s was the anime of the year last year'#'they filmed the president jacking off to it. the FBI did. for national morale. it's that good'#'that's actually the only thing they show on TV anymore. the president video I mean. that part is admittedly kind of weird'#'why is that even a power the FBI has. does this fall under their mandate'#people are always telling me about joe biden cranking his hog when i talk about anime#i'm used to it. you're nothing special#these tags really got away from me. i need to be in bed
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my favorite flex about season 1 is how Reid is referred to or addressed as Doctor with that baby face
#criminal minds#criminal minds season 1#Spencer Reid#That's DOCTOR Spencer Reid sorry :>#I mean the cuteness makes people underestimate Reid all the time until he gets killing shot just by analyzing them#smartest motherfucker in the fbi idk what to tell you#that's my man
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...I have no idea what this is I was just vibing
#baron x eddie#why? i mean why the hell not#is eddie even real? who knows. certainly not FBI. ha.#not really steddie#idk how to even tag this tbh#misha-bawlins edit#marmalade
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the hannibal franchise fucking sucks <- is enjoying the hannibal franchise quite a bit actually <- is just very mad that clannibal is a thing that exists
#if a clannibal fan finds this post: Cry about it i do not care :D#do not get it mixed up! it is not because im a hannigram stan or whatever! just. just from my perspective as someone who really likes#clarices whole arc of proving herself to be better than the men around her i dont. why does. CALM DOWN SU CALM DOWN. FUCK#why is clannibal a thing. 'hannibal recognizes her potential and abilities as a smart and brave fbi agent' Okay and? And?#idea: what if he means nothing to her. what if. what if thomas harris was a good writer. i just. SIGGHHHHHHHHHHHH#WHATEVER. WHATEVER MAYBE THERES SOMETHING IM MISSING MAYBE CLARICE AND HANNIBAL AS A ROMANTIC THING HAS MERIT TO IT. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT#DOES BUT HEY MAYBE IM WRONG AND I JUST NEED TO SHUSH ^_^#I DONT KNOW MAN. FUCK i need to stop getting so angry abt this i have productive things i could be doing (TT U TT) Like killing hannibal le#just kidding <3 no im not#angel's mouth#hannibal
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i love pirating a film as much as the next millennial but some of you fr need to realize that if you want movies to be made that aren’t created in a disney test tube then you need to start buying movies again. not subscribing to streamers. you need to buy them. digital or physical, that’s up to you but the netflix model has nigh completely erased the significant and essential revenue stream of vhs/dvd which used to compensate and offset any box office losses from riskier, smaller films. studios have to stop immediately shoving movies onto streaming platforms or even announcing when a movie will be out of theaters, on VOD, or streaming before it premieres because that disincentivizes audiences from doing anything but wait the 45 days for it to hit netflix but we as audiences need to vote for better art with our money and actually buy movies again.
#and when i say i pirate films i mean i dress up as a pirate to watch a movie yup yup mister fbi#i did my absolute best to not boss baby this but i’ll do it don’t test me
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NCIS: Hawai’i - 2x04 - requested by @korralone
#ncishawaiiedit#ncis hawai'i#kate whistler#jane tennant#tori anderson#vanessa lachey#ncis hawai'i spoilers#ncis hawai'i 2x04#requested by#korralone#kate you giant dork#like she's SO proud at the ''They did try.''#anticipating the next question#and busting out her office politics expertise#I love how despite being the *FBI*'s liaison to NCIS which means this is where she should have helped finesse the case away from them#she went to the FBI on behalf of her gf's team instead#not in a million years would she have done that if not for lucy#lol back in season 1a she wouldn't have done it even if lucy was involved
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Jessica: [Gasps dramatically] You dyed your grey streak!? What the hell is wrong with you!?
Gil: I happen to like it! I think it takes ten years off.
Jessica: That was my grey streak! I caused it, and it was mine to remove!
#I mean Malcolm did help with causing Gil's grey streaks too but I think it had to have mostly Jessica#Because Malcolm probably didn't start getting reckless with his life until he joined the FBI#incorrect prodigal son quotes#prodigal son#gil arroyo#jessica whitly#gillica#source: the nanny#incorrect quotes#prodigal son incorrect quotes
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what kills me is that hannibal very clearly wants to be a provider and caregiver, but he just cant be because he can’t give up control over those he cares for
#hanniblogging#imo his drive for killing and eating his victims is yes to establish superiority over them#but what does that do? it establishes his control over them#over who? literally anyone. which means everyone. literally everyone#if anyone can be a victim the moment they cross hannibal then what does that really say. imo it says that hannibal views EVERYONE#as a potential threat#im sure he tells himself hes a god exacting old testament justice but man i dont think a god complex would sustain you this long tbh#you didnt slice beverly up and encase her in glass for the fbi to see to flaunt your power over them#they were already too close. he already lost control#beverly GOT INTO HIS FUCKING HOUSE#THE TRAINEE GIRL WHOS NAMR IM BLANKING ON JUST SAW HIS DRAWINGS AND SHE GOT TRAPPED FOR TWO YEARS!!#he let williford graham slice him up and put him behind glass and hes fucking terrified#hes bending over backwards as a warning and to scrabble for some kind of control over all of humanity bc he views everyone as a threat#bc he learned early on that everyone IS a threat. your parents wont protect you. your countrymen wont protect you. you can love someone and#they can use you while youre vulnerable with no guilt or shame#but those he cares for he also needs control over because they will be taken from you at a moments notice#so their free will doesnt really matter when youve been in fight or flight mode for 40 years straight and are convinced#they will be consumed if you dont consume them first
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*being fully comfortable sharing all of my f/os, currently fixated on a specific one* "i love them so much :] i love seeing others love them :] it makes me so happy to know people out there have similar taste :] its nice to not be alone :]"
popular online person who i rightfully morally dislike: *shows that they also enjoy that character*
*instant switch* "get your fucking hands off them. they're mine. they would never fucking love you. i'm the only one for them. don't ever get near them again, you fucking home wrecker."
#the bun talks#f/o community#self ship community#self-ship community#selfship community#f/o#self ship#selfship#self-ship#safeship#safeshipping#for anyone questioning what i mean by morally dislike#the person i'm using as an example is someone who was known for saying they like lo.li.s.#and also the specific f/o im fixated on literally works for rhe fbi#so he genuinely would dislike them a lot#and hopefully arrest them
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supernatural x criminal mind crossover where the bau team corners dean and sam, are on the brink of actually - finally - capturing them when, in a sudden turn of event, spencer fucking reid takes hotch hostage, holding him at gun point and forcing his team to let the winchester go at risk of one of their own dying
#betrayal at its best#with hunter!spencer who’s of the opinion that losing his job with the fbi is worth it if it means the day is saved#hunter!spencer who is also buddy buddy with the winchester because duh#he would totally take advantage of the fact that he knows his team will jump to conclusions and somehow assume he’s not all there#meanwhile spencer is already planning five different plans on how to get out of that situation#badass spencer reid#gods i love these kinds of plot twist#bau team: you’re under arrest. spencer: actually..#criminal minds#criminal minds crossover#supernatural series#spn crossover#criminal minds x supernatural#fanfiction prompts#reid talking them into circles while they all think he’s dangerous and willing to kill them at a moment’s notice#but really he’s just fooling around#he’s just really convincing#the winchester owe him one tho
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