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ataraxixx · 6 months

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my piece on why i really like echo. i have ruminated a lot of these thoughts in my brain for awhile but i realized ive never actually made a public post abt it .. echoheads lets discuss extensively

see. i think we can all agree about the most common echo characterization. at least the one i usually see in fics? and generally most fan content. hes a happy-go-lucky guy whos a bit child-like or naive, very innocent and mostly just glad to be here and full of wonder and whimsy and etc. and also really loves zane and is very kind and sweet and etc.

i am not saying this is an incorrect characterization by any means . obviously. because hes literally got like 5 minutes of screentime and most of that is spent not talking so its really up to whoevers writing him how they want to take his character. but i also think that making him just. Fine with everything is a very underwhelming way to take his character. because he could be so much more than just. zane's brother who is innocent and silly. he can be innocent and silly and still have complicated feelings about his situation and existence yk.

i enjoy villain/antag echo bc it gives him a role in which to explore those complicated feelings as Himself. not as second fiddle to whatever zane is doing, but as a story of his own to come into his identity. because often times when hes included in fan content hes there just to be zanes brother and nothing else. which is so sad for him. because in canon thats all he ever was and all he'll ever be to his father. to zane. to the ninja. he's just the copy. the lesser version. he can never be his own self he will always be a derivative of zane.

like how is that not an interesting thing to explore. and how could we not think about the complicated feelings he would have about that. echo isnt stupid. he isnt incapable of having those kinds of feelings about his identity or role in the world because he is Literally Zane. he is programmed to be identical and he is in every facet of his personality and mannerisms a reflection of how zane was before he met wu/the ninja. when he was just a bit clueless about the world but not Stupid. just unknowledgable. and he was still capable of complicated feelings about himself because we see as early as episode 2 of season 1 he is wondering about himself and his role in the team and how he feels about the world. he isnt just content every day of his life to simply be there; he questions things and thinks about them deeply. why do fan creators often rob echo of this same capability and dumb him down to simply being child-like or incapable of complicated thought?

i always see him just. Fine with everything. and i dont think he needs to be a villain or evil or even violent to make him an interesting character. but i also think that anger and violence is a natural progression of the situation he has been put in by the doctor and by extension the ninja. they too do not regard him as his own individual, only as an extension of zane. which is literally crazy. because he is a whole ass person. they disregard his identity because its the same exact one as a person they already know; but he has no control over that. he didnt ask to be made as a copy of someone else, and now he exists, and he is forced to live knowing he was never his own person, even though he Is. Because he is Himself and he Exists and yet he isnt because his face doesnt belong to him and his voice doesnt belong to him and his name doesnt belong to him. the world decided he is someone else and he cant be who he actually is because someone else is Already him. like christ man. why are we sleeping on this and just making him like yayyy:3 im so happy i love everything or whatever. bro should be questioning his existence!

because i do think joining the SoG gives him such an excellent entry into both formulating his own identity while also paralleling harumi in an interesting way; for both characters in their attempts to create their own identities opposing the ones theyve been forced into, they end up only relating themselves to that identity anyway. in echos attempts to separate himself from zane he ends up relegating himself to hating zane because zane took something from him, an acknowledgement that he is a copy in the first place. their scrapped fight dialogue is so interesting guys. a discarded replica an experiment left to rust. should he not be upset that despite not asking to be made, much less in the image of someone else, he was left abandoned? that he was created solely to be hated by his creator for not being Someone Else? And now he is stuck always chasing after the shadow of that person because he was never meant to be his own person. only zane's copy. never as good as the original. and he has to live with that. its so devastating and good characterization and so interesting that i cannot pass up on it for simply having him be Guy Who is Happy and Innocent.

He is not stupid. He would definitely have less anger in his heart if the ninja got to him before Harumi did, but i think its so impossible that he can simply look at zane and feel nothing. that he can see the person who has cursed his existence into meaninglessness and just be like omg brother:3 because he is doomed to constantly be relegated to Zane's Brother and he will never be Echo to these people that call him a friend. He cant even use his own name he has to be Echo. because its someone elses name and not his even though it Is His its the name his father gave him. but hes not allowed to use it because hes not the original. and he is lesser. and he will always just be zanes brother and he will never be zane. and he will never even be echo. isnt that so fucked.

#ajax speaks #long post lel #echo zane #ninjago

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vclvetfleur · 10 months

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Obedient Chapter 3

roman roy x fem! reader

Summary: You get invited by Roman to go to a party to celebrate Kendalls win in getting a new investor. But Roman's envious and jealous nature can't allow his own brother to be happy. He uses the party to ruin it leaving you alone to explore the party by yourself.

Warnings: implied child abuse and past assault, sexual dysfunction, talks of mental health, drugs and alcohol abuse, mentions of ED

Word Count : 4.5K

Notes: Wow. This was the most i've ever written. I think I need to go back to edit the warnings. Now that I have a kind of header for my fan fic now. I also do want to mention that I am going to make y/n a dominant person overall, but not in any sexual way. I also do want to mention again, this is a work comes for my own therapy and some of my own personality and traumas. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 3: An Original Paul Gauguin

You sped to the shower the minute you stepped into the apartment. You needed to get ready for this party. You turned the water on before checking it. “Ow!” You yelped, backing away from it and carefully trying to lower it. You lowered the shower head before grabbing your phone, going onto Spotify and playing whatever came onto your shuffle playlist. You left the phone alone as you finally went under the water. One of your favorites eventually came on, prompting you to sing along to it.

The shower was meant for two things, to finally get rid of whatever the fuck you put your hair through and removing all the makeup you had on.

And to just sing. It made you ignore your body as much as you would usually stare at it. You were particularly the most secure with what you looked like. It was a lot worse, but you were still making progress to appreciate it for what it even was. Most people told you that you were fine or that you looked good, but nothing really convinced you other than random hook ups that came in and out, but that only helped if they were even able to make you cum, which they usually couldn’t. You weren’t sexually inept, you hooked up with a lot of people, you were able to have sex. You even thought you were good at it by what you were told by countless suitors that walked in and out of your bedroom, just you seemed to never enjoy it or get comfortable enough. You always wanted to get over with it as soon as you realized it wasn’t what you were expecting. You’ve only had your expectations met a few times, enough to count on one hand. But regardless, it reminded you, you liked sex. Just you couldn’t find the right thing. It kind of made you jealous of your friends. Even Roman with how perverted he was, he seemed to actually be able to enjoy himself. If you took what he was saying as even truth, which you mostly didn’t. I mean who would text someone if they were saying they were going to an orgy?

You scrubbed down your body with soap once you finished your hair routine. You never knew what to put into it to make it look like everyone seemed to. Everyone liked your hair, but you just always thought it could look a lot better than it did. Midway into your shower you heard loud banging. You turned your water off and looked at the bathroom door. Who the fuck? You stepped out, wrapping a towel around yourself before leaving the bathroom. You checked your front door, seeing the stick that you got off of amazon to keep your door locked was still there. You removed it and unlocked the doors to only open it to see a tall and large man. “Roman sent me to hand this over to you.” He cleared his throat, avoiding looking at you. You nodded slowly before grabbing the box from him. You brought it into your apartment, setting it on your dinning/coffee table. “You should expect me again by 8:30. Roman wants me to pick you up before the party.” He explained once more before leaving. Weird. Why couldn’t this be done in a simpler way? Is he sending an assistant to his own assistant? You shut your door before grabbing your door stopper and putting it up against your door, locking the locks right after. You took a pictures of the box, sending it to Roman.

‘is this the box you sent to bomb my house?’ you tried to joke

‘bomb squad is on their way. thanks asshole.’

You went back to the bathroom, setting your phone on the counter. You wiped down your body and then ruffled your hair into the towel in an attempt to dry it. You quickly put on some underwear and a large shirt to get ready in. You hopped onto the counter, scrolling through Pinterest to find some kind of inspiration to do your look for the night. You watched as notifications from Roman flooded in. You couldn’t find anything good on Pinterest anyways. You opened Roman’s text, snickering at them.

‘no dumbass they’re what your wearing. pick something. but if you pick the ugly one your fired.’

You left the bathroom and rushed back to where you left the box. You grabbed a pair of scissors from your kitchen and opened the box up to see 3 dresses that were left in there. They were so plain. You never realized how boring rich people’s clothes were. Sure, celebrities and artsy rich people were fashionable, but not the others. Except for Shiv, she actually knew how to style whatever boring thing she put on her body to make it look good. You just decided on the less boring one before refolding the rest and putting them back in the box. You spent the rest of the night getting ready, making sure you looked professional, but loose enough for the party. You couldn’t be so uptight at a party, right?

You had been texting Jess the entire time, getting her opinion. She gave you all the advice you needed. She was shocked to even hear about your good day with Roman today. She assumed I would’ve lost it by now. She nearly has with Kendall. She has even mentioned to you a couple of time how much she wanted to quit sometimes, but she felt so much pity for Kendall. How could you not? Spending less than an hour with him made you realize how sad he was, imagine spending hours, day to night, with him.

Thank god, Jess was also showing up. She had to. She needed to make sure Kendall did nothing stupid that could be used to blame her for ‘not being there’. You were gonna at least have someone to attach to there. Before you knew it, you heard knocking at your door again. You had already gotten ready and just quickly grabbed your bag before answering the door. You double checked your belongings before pulling on your heels for the night. You opened the door and saw the same large man from earlier. You walked out, locking your door before following him out to his car. It was a brand new Rolls Royce. You got in to find it completely empty. It was huge. There was a little cooler in the back with a bottle for some liquor and mixers. You were too scared to open it though. You didn’t know if it was even for you to touch. You left it alone and stayed in the back, watching the city from the window. You were raised in New York. You just lived right across from Manhattan in Brooklyn. You used to be able to go down to the parks to stare at the skyscrapers at night and see all the light coming from it. It was gorgeous. Always has been. You could only really take in the beauty of it when in the car. You drove through most of Manhattan before finally stopping. You watched the driver leave before he opened the door for you. You moved over to step out to only realize the door wasn’t for you. It was for Roman. You scooted back over to your spot, maybe a bit farther too.

“Hey, looks like I don’t have to actually fire you.” He laughed before sliding into the car. He turned to the cooler, pulling out liquor from it and glasses that were set on the sides before pouring himself a glass. He looked at you and offered, but you decline. “Boo boring. Come on. Just drink. You can even watch me; I won’t date rape you.” He shook his head before making you a drink regardless. You sigh before taking the drink from him. He relaxed in his seat, looking off at you as you were sat up straight, holding the top of your drink avoiding his glare. You looked incredible to him. He admired his choice, but all the small ones you made to your appearance. Granted, his choice wasn’t that huge since you were the one in the dress, but he liked to take credit. His eyes wandered over you, knowing you weren’t looking at him to even notice how he was staring. Either way he was always on the radar of recovering from his actions. He took a sip before clearing his throat to get your attention. “So, did the bomb go off in your apartment? Womp womp. Looks like you’ll live with me.”

You nearly spit your drink up, looking at him shocked to even hear something like that from him. Or anyone in that regard. “Why would I live with you?” You attempted to wipe your mouth without ruining the lipstick you have one, even though you had more in your purse. “Y’know so you can do this assistant stuff easier.” He tried to make his case, but he knew it was idiotic.

“Roman, you can’t just-“You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose before taking a drink.

“Well, thankfully it was just a joke. Fucking crybaby” He whispered the last part to not annoy you any further.

Before you knew it, you were at the party. “Why did we need a car if it was only a few blocks away?” You asked before stepping out of the car with Roman. You just followed him to wherever he was leading you. “Cause I’m rich.” Was his only reasoning to it. You acted almost like a little puppy, following Roman around only because you knew you had to. There was no way you were going to even know how to begin a conversation with these people. “What’s the party for?”

“Uh- it’s some swinger party my brother threw together. You have your keys?” He turned back to you. You looked in your bag before putting your own hand out with all the fingers down except your middle one. “Hardy har har, aren’t you fucking hilarious.” He was unamused.

The elevator opened to the penthouse. It was a party for a win in one of their investments that they just had made, but parties were another way to bring in more investors and find more people to buy their business off of. You walked right behind him, looking around to find Jess. You couldn’t bare being here alone any longer. You weren’t alone technically. You were with Roman, but he didn’t seem like he was very much in a laughing mood with you anymore since you both stepped in the building.

Roman was planning to make the investors back out. All because Kendall made the deal instead of him. He needed to figure a way to make this a move on him rather than his brother. He needed a way to make Logan just pat him on the back for his work. This is all Roman ever did. He didn’t do work at the office because he saw no point in it. There was more use of his time. Meeting and having ‘fun’ at these stupid events were his way of making deals. It’s what he did. Informal. No rules. He was held to no obligation that the office had. “Uhh, why don’t you just go around and well, fuck off for a bit.” He asked you while looking way to distracted to even look at you. Your face dropped. You finally thought Roman was going to be a bit nicer now. But you thought wrong apparently. He was acting like a dick again. You just nodded and walked away. “Noted.” His head turned back to you; his lips pressed into a thin line. He knew it was mean, but he had no time to waste. He made a B line for the investors. And he did what Roman did best. Ruin his brother’s reputation to complete strangers and lose their trust in him.

You wandered around, looking at various art pieces on the wall. You enjoyed art, especially ones there you knew weren’t just copies of the original. It was like looking at a piece of history up close. You got lost in the painting before hearing someone talking to you. You looked over to see a tall younger woman with blonde hair. “It’s an original Paul Gauguin” she quietly said, looking your way after taking a moment to look at the painting. Her dress fell right above her knees and the collar sat right below her collar bone. It was a very vibrant blue velvet. It wasn’t too boring, you assumed. She let her hand out before smiling. “I’m Willa, I swear I think you’re the only person my age here.” She laughed before you took her hand. She seemed quiet; kept to herself. “Y/n.” You introduced yourself. “Uh so what do you do?” You prompted. At least that’s what you assumed people in this kind of environment said. “I write plays.” She said proudly. “Oh wow, anything I might’ve seen?” You began to question. She shook her head no before holding a kind of hurt smile. Willa was never proud of her own work. She use to do acting, but that wasn’t paying the bills nearly enough, so she decided to start escorting for rich guys before she realized she enjoyed writing a lot more than acting. But at least she figured out what she wanted to do with her life early enough. Her boyfriend couldn’t say that.

“That’s fine. Well when you do, I would love to get a ticket to it, are you writing anything currently?” Willa began to go into her whole passion project that she had just started working on before the conversation getting interrupted by an older individual. “Hi darling.” He smiled before wrapping an arm around Willa’s waist and leaving a kiss over her cheek. “Oh hi Con.” She said in an uncomfortable tone. She never really seemed comfortable around him. Always shifting away when he kissed or held her. Never prompting affection in the first place. “Connor Roy.” He started.

“Roy?” You questioned. “Are you their cousin or uncle or?” You wondered before getting cut off with an answer. “I’m Logan’s son.”

You looked shocked to even hear he had another son other than Roman and Kendall. In the entire week of working with them, you never heard of him yet. They never even quiet mentioned another brother. They just mentioned Shiv. “Oh well it’s nice to meet you. I’m (y/n).” you tried to be as likable as you could after the awkward interaction.

“Oh, you’re Rome’s assistant, right?” He asked. You nodded, puzzled on why he even knew he had a new assistant. How much do they talk? “Ya, dad told me about you.”

Logan Roy knew who I was!? I never even had met him yet and he knew who I was. I had passed by his office and had been in eyes view, but I never actually met him. Willa looked at you like she knew something you didn’t want to hear. You were just still in shock of someone as big as Logan knowing of your existence to the point, he mentioned me by name to someone else. “What’d he say?” You asked.

“Oh, it wasn’t anything on you. Just more about Roman. He was just going on about how he thought Roman was being reckless again and just- “Connor went on before halting know he should stop. You just nodded slowly before tapping a waiter on the shoulder and grabbing a drink from their hands. You downed it quickly before excusing yourself. Holy fuck. This was big.

You needed to find Jess immediately.

You looked around for her before spotting Kendall. He didn’t seem to good. He had already had quite a few drinks in him. If Kendall was near, so was Jess. Before you knew it, you spotted her. “Jess.” You whisper screamed before taking her arm. “You are going to shit your pants when you hear this. Logan knows who I am. He was talking about me to fucking Connor. Did you even know they had another brother? I didn’t! What the fuck?” You were panicking. What could Logan have possibly been saying? Sure, he was talking about Roman, but why did I need to be brought into it? Fuck.

“Hey, relax. It’s okay. He probably just seen you walking around. That’s all.” She tried to assure you it was okay. She took your hands and tried to remind you to take easier breathes. “See.” She smiled before continuing to breathe with you. She had seen you at such low points that she knew exactly how to pick you up from a slump. Not always, but before they started, Jess was the person to call to help you. You were upset she never studied Psychology; she’d be great at therapizing people. Hell, she basically does it for Kendall now.

Your nerves were still shot, but better than earlier. “Uh- can we get a drink please?” You asked. She nodded before holding your arm and guiding you to the bar. You ordered yourself 2 drinks, both for yourself. Jess just got herself a wine. Jess stopped over drinking after working with Kendall. His issues scared her enough that she felt like she needed to be sober to deal with any situation. She drank from time to time, just never when she knew Kendall would need her. And after his relapse, she couldn’t afford to get drunk. She needed to make sure her boss didn’t end up like a real life BoJack Horseman.

You downed your drinks as quick as possible before finally settling on some champagne. You knew to keep your pace. “So, what’s wrong with Kendall?”

“The investors backed out. He tried to talk to him, but there was no convincing them. I don’t know. The poor guy just needs a win.” She sighed, watching him to make sure he didn’t act out.

“So, this is what was stressing you out so much.” You finally realized why Jess had been having so many outbursts outside of work or just seemed a lot more stressed in general. She was a lot more anxious. She was on edge a lot of worrying Kendall was gonna send her a text to make her worry about what was gonna happen next to him. “You have no clue. This is barely anything I went through. This is a tame night dealing with Kendall. At best, I’m just going to make sure he gets into bed tonight.”

“Aww are you gonna tuck him in and read him a story?” You laughed. She tried to hold her giggling before lightly nudging your arm. “No, but you might soon with Roman’s insane mommy issues. But honestly thinking about it, that might make him hard.” She sounded grossed out at the idea before laughing along with you.

Speak of the devil himself. Roman finally decided to actually have fun. He seemed a lot more off edge. He probably just took a molly in the bathroom or something. “Aren’t you supposed to be babysitting him?” Roman asked Jess before sitting at the bar with the two of you. “I’m an assistant not a babysitter Roman. You should know that you have one now.” Jess was unamused. She had a hatred for Roman. Most people did. But she saw him as someone who was actively trying to ruin Kendall. Which he did, but especially after Kendall’s relapse.

Roman was there when Kendall relapsed. He ran to even get him and help him out. He was scared for him. But after all that went down in the deal and all that drama that came with it, Kendall and Roman were once again strained.

“Yea, but this one is kind of defected. Might need to get it fixed at a factory or something. Oo should I get the new model?” He pointed at you. It really sunk in that Roman believed you were an object. You quietly sipped your wine. Jess knew how annoyed you were though. She could read you easily. Your jaw was clenched tighter, and you got this disassociated gaze when you got annoyed. “Kind of hard to do my job when my boss spends most of his morning making sure the cum in his hair dried up enough to hold for the rest of the day.” You shrugged. He couldn’t even begin to know where to start with mocking you for that comment. “Look just cause you’re… a commoner, doesn’t mean you don’t understand what mousse is. And no, not like the animal that Kendall clear looks like.” He giggled behind his drink before watching Kendall make a complete ass of himself.

“Okay, he just called me a commoner.” You whispered to Jess. You tried to breathe in and out slowly before losing your cool.

“Huh? What was that? I don’t speak church mouse, speak louder than that.” He put his hand on his ear, leaning closer to you to understand what you said. He was insisting you repeated yourself. He actually didn’t hear you. But he did like hearing all the insults you were willing to throw back at him. He thought you seemed to take his jokes well enough.

“I said you’re a fucking dick.” You said blankly to his face, looking at him directly. Your face stone cold as you gave him the meanest look you had.

“Ooo scary.” He wiggled his fingers. “Oh no. The peasant- “he tried before you had gotten up and stormed off away from him. That was enough. You came to the party to see what he needed if he did need you, but he made it clear enough you were here just to be embarrassed and humiliated by him. Who else would? No one was his friend anyways. Jess got up quickly and followed you. You headed out on the balcony. Most people were inside anyways. And the cool air felt good. “Hey, don’t take what he says seriously; that’s just how he is.” She tried to rationalize.

“Ya, if so, people gotta stop making excuse for that fucking prick. Who the fuck is he to act like that? Just because daddy gives him the money and fucking bull dogs to do so? Nuh-uh fuck him. That was- UGH!” You clenched your fists as you tried to hold back from screaming. “I don’t care. Fuck him.” You paced back and forth. “Fuck that dude. Dirty fucking unwashed little ferret.”

Roman had decided to look for you too. He might’ve crossed a line with you. He didn’t mean to. He knew he could be harsh, but he didn’t ever mean to come across as that bad. He never knew what was too far in all honesty. All of his boundaries were broken down since he was a kid, so he no longer had any. He knew his would be unlistened to and broken, so he assumed everyone else’s were too. He stepped out and found you. “Uhh Jess, Ken is about to do a backflip, so I think you should go back in.” He warned.

“Fuck off Rome, no he isn’t.” She scoffed, her arms crossed, staring back at him. But he refused to make any effort to even look at her. He avoided all eye contact. “Just please. Yea cause the junkie who you ordered coke for earlier is so okay right now after blasting through 6 lines and 3 shots.” He sounded annoyed. You weren’t sure you could even believe his lie. There was no way Jess was willingly getting him in touch with a dealer. She groaned before leaving you alone with Roman.

“Uhhh soo, that was I guess, I mean, I guess I violated some workers right law or something.” He tried to start the conversation. He never knew how to apologize.

“Yea. Multiple. For the past couple of days.”

“Right.” He noted before leaning against the railing across from you, making sure to give you space in case you pushed him off the building. “Uh so, which part made you so upset so I can just apologize and you let this go.”

There were no words to truly describe Roman. How could he really believe that it was that simple?

“Roman, I’m not forgiving you.” You laid out the truth. You were so embarrassed of yourself. Just earlier today you were practically cuddled up with him thinking he was actually kind of cute and funny. But he was just some other capitalist billionaire prick. The image and stereotypes were true.

“Weeeeeell you kind of have to. You are my assistant.”

“I just tolerate you.” You said coldly. You refused to look his way. You looked around the city to see the light that you admired earlier. It seemed to rest your nerves just a bit. They had a calming effect on you.

“Oh, come on, don’t be a fucking snowflake.” He whined. He was so pathetic looking. His eyes turned into pleading. They were practically like a little child who knew they did something wrong. His lips twitched to hide his discomfort. His head even lowered. He was a billionaire, and she was just on his payroll.

“Seriously? This is why I don’t forgive you Roman. You’re sorry but I’m a snowflake? Really? Do you even know how to form the words ‘I’m sorry’?” You berated him. “No. Do you? Well? No apparently not.” You finally faced him. You knew his ego was bruised. It was evident. It almost made you feel sorry for him. But you just couldn’t. You couldn’t feel sorry for someone who refused to take accountability for their actions. “I’m gonna go home Roman. I will see you tomorrow in the office.”

“But-“ He tried to reach out, but he knew he should probably back off for now. He didn’t wanna upset you anymore than he has.

You made sure to say goodbye to Jess and Willa before you had left, but you knew you’d see them both very soon.

You left and got into the Rolls Royce that waited for you and Roman. You told the driver to go without him. You relaxed on your way home. You were just happy to leave that mess. You couldn’t stand being there any longer than you had to. You walked back into your apartment and kicked your shoes off. You locked the door before making your way to the bedroom. You stripped down and laid onto your bed as soon as you possibly could. You quickly set your alarms before calling it a night.

Note: Poor Con, always the forgotten child :(

Chapter 4

#succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #roman roy x you #roman roy x reader #roman roy #roman roy fanfic #hbo series #hbo original #shiv roy #siobhan roy #kendall roy #connor roy #willa succession #succession fanfic #tom wambsgans #hbo max #greg hirsch #cousin greg

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writing-for-life · 2 months

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Keeping Them In Character...

It’s so interesting what you wrote about fixing Morpheus in the other post, @rriavian. I didn't want to take that one too off topic, hence I made a new one. I hope this is okay, because I love talking about these things, especially with other writers (everyone who reads this, writer or not, feel free to join in). I think I’ve said this somewhere else before (can’t remember where): If we keep him in character, there is no fixing him anyway.

But fanfic wouldn’t be fanfic without those attempts, and I totally get why. I want a different ending for him, too, alas, not in canon, even if that might sound contradictory. If they touched the ending in the show, I’d honestly be pissed off, but that’s my personal problem, and Neil can do with it whatever he wants—it’s his story. So I guess every fic that sees him alive at the end starts with the premise that we have to bend him into shape ever so slightly to make it possible. To me though, there’s a world of a difference between that and basically turning him into an OC with no resemblance to Morpheus bar name and looks (not saying that isn’t fair, it’s just not for me because if I wanted that, I’d write an OC, because that’s what he would be to me).

Morpheus is not weak. I even get why some people who mainly came to the Sandman via the show might be drawn into that direction initially, because we obviously see him very low at the beginning (I’m hesitant to say “at his lowest”). But after that, he pretty much stands in his power again (with ups and down obvs)—a power that burdens him for a multitude of reasons I don’t want to go into now, otherwise I’ll still sit here tomorrow. Wrote about it a million times though.

I think the fundamental misunderstanding is that anyone can fix him. So whoever we pair up with him can only walk with him, but he’ll need to take the steps himself, and more importantly: He would need a reason to want to do that. And yes, that’s exactly what my OC tells him at some point because she suffers, and she’s done with it despite understanding him on a deep level and accepting who and what he is—I think you're right when you say there’s a tendency in fandom to turn one half of the relationship into some kind of martyr and/or “void filler” to save someone. And the tricky thing about Morpheus is: He actually is looking for something to fill a void (which, to stress that again, doesn't mean he isn't powerful, so it's not to be mistaken for general weakness). And both in The Sandman and in real life, that never leads to anything good, but I can see why it's tempting to fall into that trap because his character lends itself particularly well to that type of trope (and I even play around with that in the first part of my fic, but it was also clear to me that it won't end there).

Now, this obviously isn’t real life, a story doesn’t necessarily have to lead to something good, but the most important question, to me, was always: What would make him take said steps himself, and above all: WANT to take them? Because truly, that’s where it all falls down in canon. And there is enough scope to explore that in quite a few different ways in my view.

For me, it was always clear that it can never be through wanting to change who or what he is on a fundamental level (that’s why I’m not into retired!Dream AUs, because they would fundamentally change who he is. Again, totally fine if people want to explore that, it's just not for me). I honestly believe he would bristle at that and recoil/retreat. Because it would just add to what is at the core of his very dilemma: If you want to change who and what he is, you basically admit you don’t truly understand him (not even those closest to him truly do), and that’s part of what breaks him (I say “part”, because there are more things in the mix than one can shake a stick at). And there is a clear difference between his being capable of change (we all know he is) and wanting to change him. They are not one and the same, but sometimes, fandom treats them as if they were.

Misunderstanding him, misinterpreting him is inherent to his being: He is Dream—forever out of reach, forever nebulous and unreal and weird and prone to be misunderstood/misinterpreted unless you stop trying and just trust the process/intuition--otherwise, it wouldn’t be (a) D/dream. It truly applies to all that he is. And you see what happens when he tries to rationalise things himself: Although he understands the boundaries between dreams and reality and keeps them in place, he is UNreality, and forever will be. And the way that gets ignored in fandom sometimes baffles me. Although it also doesn’t, because of course we’re human, and we want things to be real.

Back to those steps: I personally think he would never take them for himself because he doesn’t believe he has a story, and outright centring himself as the main character who is in charge of his own story is something he will always deny himself. But I think that’s also the way in? Because if he could perceive, at least initially, that he is part of someone else’s story and that they WANT him in that story (all that he is and isn’t, including all that is broken) with full acceptance but without complete self-denial. That they don’t try to change him, because they understand what the unreal is (and that requires a very particular type of person). That he would want to try because the love he has for them weighs heavier than how little he loves himself (was it you, @stellerssong who recently also wrote something along those lines, or am I making that up?). And that by doing that, he gradually learns to see himself through someone else's eyes. And once on that path, he would maybe, just maybe, start to understand that indeed he has a story of his own, and that he might be able if not to entirely rewrite, but at least to keep on writing it from this moment onward. Like everyone who believes (because believing something is possible means trusting in it despite it not being real, and trusting in the process rather than the result. He knows the power this wields over everyone but himself--not because it’s not true for him but because he won’t allow it. But maybe he could get himself to a stage where he allows it). That it's not about fixing anything really, but growing enough around what's broken and always will be, instead of trying to make it smaller or go away.

Yes, I do believe that might be possible, although there's much more to it than I've written here because it's incredibly complex, and it requires a lot of give and take, compromise and yes, pain along the way. And maybe it might not work at all (I never really 100% know where I end up when I write because my characters always, always make those decisions for me, and despite setting out with a plan, I almost never end up where I had initially intended to go. So if you asked me today, I couldn’t promise that I truly know where my current WiP is going and who will be where at its end, and it is very frustrating at times because I’m not always happy with what these guys are doing. At the moment, I'm truly not). But I believe he would at least try if someone who allowed for those dynamics were around. And that’s why I wrote an OC, because while I can see one or two canon characters that get fairly close to what I'd envision (and none of them are one half of the bigger ships), I ultimately couldn’t do it with them because there was something in their established dynamics that threw it off for me. Unless I would have pulled at least one of them (probably both) OOC to a degree that felt too much for me. But I'm always super interested in other people's process and line of thinking.

But yeah, that’s the precarious dance between trying to keep him in character while also working towards a different ending (that's obviously far less of a problem in one-shots). If that will ever work—who knows…

#sandman fanfic #the sandman #sandman #dream of the endless #morpheus #fanfic writing process #also somewhat of a >>>#sandman meta #trying to keep them in character #and it's hard

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avelera · 1 year

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Archetypes are fine and originality isn't as important as you think

I think one of the most shocking things I learned in my writing class when we brought in a professional agent to lecture was that they really, really don't want your original story idea.

Agents and publishers want to know where to put your book on the shelf. They want to know which recent books it resembles, not super-hits like Game of Thrones. When they ask "What two books is this book like?" they want recent, practical examples of which non-Bestselling authors' work your work most resembles. Nothing turns them off faster than "This is totally original" / "This is like nothing you've ever seen."

Similarly, most audiences don't want totally original. I don't mean that pejoratively. We joke in the fanfic world that everyone just wants to read their favorite ship falling in love over and over but... that is actually true. That is an engaged audience. That said, fatigue does set in when all the fics or books begin to sound exactly the same, so what's the deal there, huh?

The deal is: agents, publishers, and audiences want the familiar thing they know they love with your unique spin on it that only you as a writer can create.

Now, my theory on how to achieve this, as a pre-pro who thinks about this a lot but doesn't claim to have a solution, is that this is what, "Write what you know," really refers to. Not that garbage your high school English teacher told you that you shouldn't set a story in a fantasy world because you've never lived there.

No, what "write what you know" means in fanfic is: take these characters and filter them through your personal experience and/or your interests. Which are also things you know. That can mean "I put them in a Coffeeshop AU because I've actually worked in a coffee shop and I want to show y'all what it's really like there" to "I'm personally interested in explorations of grief so I want to do hurt/comfort for these two around grief," or any other number of variations. It's why a weird concept written passionately is 10x more interesting than trying to chase what's "popular" in fandom, people want to see the uniqueness brought by the simple fact that you are writing it. You can give 10 authors the same prompt and they'll end up with 10 wildly different fics, I guarantee you, that's why no one gets tired of the same tropes being played over and over.

Now, for original fiction, at which I have less practice but which I think about a lot because I want to change that, I think again people get too hung up on being totally original and in this case I want to talk about a tendency to design an "original character" by focusing all the little details of their character before they start writing. The thing is, a lot of those little details don't matter. (It's better to start with an archetype and layer on those details, but we'll get to that.) There's danger in that, in part because your character needs to have an arc where they change between the beginning and the end, more than we need to know details like their favorite foods. Their favorite food should be whatever is most thematically relevant in the moment.

IE, when writing a story about losing a parent, whatever the parent made for them is their favorite food. When writing about someone who needs to reconnect with their inner child, greasy Pizza Hut pizza might be their favorite food because it's about something that gives the character pleasure that doesn't play to adult expectations on them. See? Knowing they like Pop Tarts jus because they like Pop Tarts is utterly meaningless, unless for example, you the author loves Pop Tarts and you know you can write a stirring monologue about how amazing Pop Tarts are that will make the audience feel your characters adoration of Pop Tarts. But you can substitute literally any food and write the same monologue, it has to either have emotional resonance or plot relevance, otherwise it doesn't matter what the food is.

But going back to characters, I think just starting with an archetype, adding a few details from your own life that you know you can write authentically, and then kicking this character through the mousetrap maze of your plot, really goes a lot further in making them unique than any amount of pre-planning of details that get you bogged down. And most popular characters reduce down to Archetype + Story-Relevant Details pretty damn quickly when you look at them.

Here's an example:

Last of Us = is a Lone Wolf and Cub archetype, ie, grizzled man takes a dependent child on a dangerous journey. That it's a post-apocalyptic landscape riddled by zombies tweaks the necessities of what skills the characters like Joel and Ellie need to survive. Add some author relevant details - he's from Texas but he lives in Boston now, he had a daughter who died (relevant to the plot, which is him adopting a "new" daughter), and he is former military and a blue-collar worker who therefore has the skills to survive in this setting, and you've got a pretty solid character that people grasp and people love right away, especially the more humanizing moments you throw in there, like the moment we see him break down when his daughter dies.

It should also be remembered: passion is what is needed here. You don't pick a trope you hate unless you're setting out to subvert it. You pick details that you care about and that you want to write about. Everything needs to be things you authentically care about writing and innovating on because you're gonna spend a lot of time with this story, more than anyone else. But the idea that one needs to start whole cloth, rather than focusing on the tropes, stories, archetypes, and personal experience that you care about, is utter nonsense and in fact does not actually sell.

#maggie rambles #writing #writing advice

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cryptid-intraining · 2 years

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People who discredit fanon interpretations of characters can suck my dick. just because something is fanon doesn't make it bad, say you don't like fandom and fanfic culture and move on.

I know of people who've only ever read Batfam fanfiction and fanon content and never once touched a comic, but then gone in to write their own Batfam fics purely from their understanding of them from fanon and I think that's incredible. good for them, honestly. the fact that fandoms and writers and artists can create a whole separate world that you can consume and explore without ever getting into the canon material is so cool and such a unique element of fandom that I could honestly talk about for hours and shouldn't be discredited.

If people are talking about why they think Jason is redeemable and why they think he's misunderstood and you bring up how he's actually really unrepentant and violent in the comics, fine, that's a great argument if we're talking canon, but if they're talking about fanon and their own headcanons? that doesn't make what they're saying any less valid and shouldn't be dismissed as unimportant.

Saying "oh but pit madness isn't canon" in response to people bringing it up in discussion of what Jason did to Tim and why they think the characters could reconcile if the work was put in and they actually address their issues when they're talking about fanon and headcanons is asinine.

We know. We're not talking about canon. Not everyone values characters based on their canon representations.

Most of my favourite characters wouldn't be my favourite if it weren't for fanon. They're just more interesting through the lense of fandom. The fans always have better ideas, more interesting theories, and far more complex interpretations.

Plus they're fucking good writers. Far better than the ones that write the canon. The same goes for the artists.

And while we're on the topic, just because people like Jason as a character in canon doesn't mean they're saying he's a good person. we can like bad people in fiction and also acknowledge that they're bad people.

But then we go to fanon and fanfic to explore the idea of them being better and changing. Because the canon material leaves us wanting, we see these characters with such interesting potential and want to develop it.

Bad person =/= likable character. Saying we shouldn't like a character because they've done bad things is genuinely ridiculous.

I've seen so many people say that Jason is being fucked up by DC writers (I agree) but then have an issue with fanon without acknowledging that people go to fanon and fanmade content to get better portrayals of their favourite characters. just because you don't like how fanon views a character or that fans write them to be redeemable where you don't see redemption doesn't mean it's wrong or bad or stupid.

You just don't like it.

I don't understand this mindset that fanfic needs to reflect canon. obviously you can do whatever you want with fanfiction, that's the glory of it and I would never want to take that away, but why write what is already found in canon? Jason doesn't need to be written like a violent, unrepentant guy in fanfic just because that's how he's written in canon.

If you don't like a character, cool. We all have characters we don't like but you don't have to list reasons why you're right and why the character is actually shit. Just because you dislike a character doesn't mean fans of that character are wrong or misguided or misinterpreting the character. You just don't like them. That's it.

Fandom is such an important space and there is genuinely so much to be gained from having conversations that take into account both sides of a character (like there are so many issues with how some people talk about Jason that go beyond personal taste and just become super problematic but that would be a whole other post) but it is just so hard to hold a civil discourse about these things, irl or online, and especially on this hellsite.

If you want to discuss in the replies and reblogs, fine by me, but don't be assholes and just respect other people's likes and views.

#batfam #jason todd #red hood #batfamily #batman #dc comics #bruce wayne #tim drake #stephanie brown #batfam headcanons #jason todd headcanon #my rants #fanon #fandom #batfam fanfiction #batfam fandom #batfam fanfic #rant

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rosesradio · 2 months

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Leo Valdez in Ceaseless Eve: Let's Discuss

⚠️ The following contains spoilers for any & all of Ceaseless Eve ⚠️

How can I begin to talk about my boy??

To start, I should probably give some context or lore about me:

I started reading the books when I was nine. I was sick in bed one day, and my dad wanted to read me something to make me feel better. "It's just like Harry Potter!" he'd said, holding up a copy of The Lightening Theif. (My ill feelings towards the wizard books now, I had inhaled the series when I was eight and read nothing else. Thank goodness I expanded my horizons, right?).

So, he started to read Percy Jackson while I laid in bed...

And I hated it, lol.

What can I say? I was a brat. Or maybe I just wanted to be left alone with my stomachahce or fever or whatever I was sick with. So, one chapter in, my dad gave up and left me alone.

When I felt better, I picked the book back up...and I went through the entire first series in a week. Even now, my dad jokes that I just had a problem with him reading them, not the book itself. (And yes, we watched the show together, he enjoyed it--I'm still badgering him to read the books himself though...maybe I should read it to him when he gets sick...)

So, I got into pjo. The details are a little fuzzy on when exactly I read the sequel series, though I believe it was sometime in middle school. All I know was that the moment I first read about Leo...I had the biggest fictional crush on him, lmao. I remember a time in 2016 where 13 year old me would watch Viria's "How Far We've Come" video and I'd write Leo x readers in the notes app of my iPod touch (unfortunately, those fics have all been deleted, otherwise I would not hesitate to share that horror with the world. But rest assured, the reader was very much Not Like Other Girls lol).

I'm not sure when exactly valdangelo first became an interest to me or where I found it, but I remember reading the books and feeling like we were robbed of those two interacting. They were always something in the back of my mind, though I was always working on other projects and had no idea where to start in the event that I did write something for them.

Until the hype for the show was starting, and I thought that it would be cool to explore a bit of an AU quest between Leo, Nico, and Piper. I thought about the one-off line about how a "confused pizza guy" had found his way to Camp Half-Blood once and ran with that. Also, ever since I started working, I give my favorite character my job if applicable. At the time of writing, I was a food delievery person, so that's why I went with that. The fic was really a character study of Leo more than anything, so I really appreciate all of the people saying I got Leo's voice right :')

So, there are a couple big changes that were made with Leo's character in the ceaselessverse that differentiate the character from canon:

1.) Leo doesn't make mean jokes about his questmates.

This is a change that I actually regret making, and I might toy with a sort of compromise in the sequel. At first, people who were anti-leo made comments on how rude he could be, and I saw that as something that needed to be "fixed" in CE.

However, now that I think about it as a neurodivergent person...I can't help but wonder if that is connected to him being neurodivergent? Like with me, especially as a teen, I was anxious in social situations and often didn't know what to say, so I would make jokes, and a lot of them didn't land. Sure, I shouldn't have made those jokes, and Leo shouldn't have made the jokes he did, but the neurodivergent nature of it all as well as him being an awkward teen sort of explains that, it doesn't excuse it. I think the rise of purity culture and the lack of desire for nuanced characters has (pardon my lack of professionalism) fucked up the vibe. Like a lot. I think it's fine (great, even!) for a character you like to have flaws, especially if they stem from an aspect that makes them more relatable. If you want neurodivergent characters but hate them for exhibiting traits that are frowned upon, well...you might just want neurotypical characters with quirks and labels.

2.) Leo isn't a "ladies man"

I don't regret this change at all. That shit was weird, Richard.

That being said, I think it was fine to have a character who has romance on the brain and is flirtatous. Hell, it's even fine to have a character that's weird towards women and tries to "jokingly" sneak a peak at a female character changing (sorry if you were trying to repress page 114 of mark of athena)--that's just fiction, but you can't expect us to root for that character (especially in their goal of getting a girlfriend).

So, while Leo is observant of the girls around him and thinks they're cute, I think this was a change that was adjusted to age better, yk?

3.) Leo was (accidentally) responsible for his mother's death (sorry, Esperanza)

This was the first change made to accomodate the lack of Gaea.

Of course, you'll notice how most all of the character's (outside of those from the og series) backstories were altered to accomodate that, but this was something I was particularly interested in exploring. I'm not going to pretend to be a better writer than our buddy Richard (though I think some of his decisions were really weird...and he'd probably think the same thing about me, tbh), but I think it was a bit of a copout to have Leo think he killed his mom only for it to be Gaea's fault, so he's, like, "redeemed". I wanted to explore a route where Leo was responsible, even by accident, and what that would mean for his greif and healing process. I hope that was explored thoughtfully to you guys in CE.

4.) Leo was a bully to escape bullying

This one was a little controversial lol, but I think it's more interesting.

I can see where it'd make sense in canon to have Leo use his comedy to escape bullying--he does a bit of the same thing in the ceaselessverse, though I believe it works too well. Leo is welcomed into becoming almost like friends with his bullies, though there is clearly a power dynamic at work. I have had "friendships" like this in middle/high school, and I thought it would be interesting to show how lonliness can lead you to make stupid decisions in order to feel, at least a little bit, like you belong somewhere.

This is, of course, stopped as Leo became closer with his sister, Sarah. He finds that caring for someone outside of his own survival starts to make him feel like a person again, and he wants to become better for her sake. It's really sweet to me and highlights yet another great type of platonic relationship dynamic to be explored, but more on Sarah later.

---

Of course, there are several other little changes made to Leo's character for a variety of reasons--if you notice any and had any particular feelings about them (hopefully positive, but it's up to you), please let me know by sending a letter via carrier pigeon directly to my house (or by, like, commenting on ao3, tumblr, or whatever etc if you're weird like that).

what was i saying. anyways.

I could talk about Leo's character all day--about how his arc of controlling his abilities instead of fearing them mirrors Piper's, about how his sexuality is (and probably will) never be stated directly in the text, so it's up to reader interpretation (he's vaguely bi but mostly queer To Me but also idc). If you ever wanna hear more of my thoughts on him with any specifics, feel free to send an ask! Or Whatever !

A favorite tool in Leo's toolbelt: The Dormio

Leo has a lot of cool little knick-knacks, some canon and some not. His wristwatch with the hidden message was a strong contender, but ultimately the Dormio wins for sure. What can I say? I would love to see dreams--maybe not my own (Hypnos plagues me with stress dreams :') ), but other people's.

The Dormio was originally called the DreamViewer, which was kind of a placeholder name because, frankly, it's dumb as shit. I have to credit @heavens-vault for coming up with the new name, thank you <3 The name is based on a dream interfacing system by MIT.

(Did some of the editing get lost in the sauce, and the device is still called the DreamViewer sometimes? Maybe. No further questions without my lawyer lol. I plan on doing a mass edit some time in the future. Save me mass edit, mass edit save me, etc)

All that to say, the Dormio is not a one-off. We'll just have to wait and see what role it plays in Ivory Rain...

Bonus Character!

Sarah McAllen: Let's Discuss

So, my first pjo OC...

Sarah is first foreshadowed in chapter five, when Leo and Piper are discussing the quest at Nico's cabin door:

"Us?" now it was Piper's turn to look confused. "You mean...you understood that line in the prophecy, the 'daughter of doves' thing?"

"Sure I did!" Leo replied, feeling his heart skip a beat, his smile a tad nervous. "There's more to me than good looks, Beauty Queen." Hopefully, that settled Piper for now. Sure, that orientation video was not very informative, but he didn't have to explain to everyone why he knew these things about Greek mythology.

After reading through chapter nine, it should become clear that Leo has a little bit of background knowledge on Greek Mythology due to Sarah's loud interest in Mythomagic. Although their background has been covered in the text, I thought I'd mention a couple things about her.

I realized kinda late in her development that I actually did the same thing in an older longfic for a different fandom I wrote when I was 15--giving the main character a younger sister, motivating him to be better and take care of her. I'm not sure if there's any psychology behind me wanting to write my faves as older brothers, but it's interesting!

I did give Sarah a couple things in common with me, even if she's not a self-insert. She's a writer, one of the reasons she falls into the Apollo cabin. She also has what Nico describes in chapter 18 as a "medical brace" on her knee. This will be further addressed in the sequel, but I gave her the same disablity that I have with my knee. I don't want to delve too deep into the medicality (medicality?) of it all just for my comfort, but I wanted to show a chracter that has a disability but can also be a hero, like they did in the tv show. I hope you guys read that and it made you happy :-)

I will say that Sarah is not going to be too much of a major player in the sequel, I don't want to put my OCs too much into the spotlight when I already have a lot of canon characters I want to work with. Still, she will always be really important to Leo, and their relationship will always be really important to me.

Also! To tell you a secret...she will not be the only OC in the ceaselessverse, but I guess you will have to wait and see what I mean in Ivory Rain...

#leo valdez #valdangelo #pjo #CE DVD bonus features

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pregstiel · 1 month

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do a directors cut for the jack fic you wrote. the miserable one

gaze into the distant sky my beloved >:3. more general stuff out of the way first -- it was originally part of a completely different series! The Route of Flowers was conceived entirely separately as just a deconstruction of the beekeeper cas thing. when i first thought of gitds (way before i wrote it), it was supposed to be part of a 4 part exploration on how tfw 2.0 feels about the bunker (sam feels like he's been buried alive, cas is a visitor who is literally being slightly repelled by the warding, dean is having a great time). the jack fic had the strongest central imagery in comparison to the other ones, which was why it was the last man standing. then when i wrote The Route of Flowers after, i had gitds On The Brain, which is why they ended up being linked.

also for this fic i did so much research on ground nesting birds in minnesota. for no reason. whether or not this bird species is realistic has no relevance to anything in here.

on to more detailed stuff. i got the title from an anne brontë poem that i actually hadn't read before researching for this fic. i just couldn't think of a title so i googled poems with captive bird imagery until i found one that worked for it 😭. innovation.

"Dean doesn’t go on “pointless milk runs” with Cas, and Jack won’t either then."

i <3 when conspiring with the father won't save the daughter from her mother's fate. dean dismissing cas in front of jack and jack internalizing it because he wants dean's approval is SO important to me.

"Sam had already narrowed down where the vampire’s base could be to a small area, and he’s back in the motel room, listening in on the park rangers’ radio"

the product of me needing sam to Not Be There because this is between dean and jack. just throw in any explanation and call it a day

"It’s easy, Jack knows, the easiest hunt in the world, but he still can’t think about it without his breath speeding up and his heart pounding."

an important thing for me in this fic (which is also in the opening but that quote was too long), was that jack's ability to deal with the cognitive dissonance of monster hunting has been severely impacted by him losing his grace and now having to deal with the instinctive reactions of his body. when he was powered up he still felt these emotions, but he didn't have to deal as much with the visceral feeling of his heart spasming.

"He does it the way Cas told him: count to four on the inhale, hold it for seven, exhale for eight."

cas is the kind of father who will teach you a breathing exercise for your anxiety but won't stop you from going on a solo hike in the woods with your abusive stepdad <3. keep addressing the symptoms and not the cause, surely that will work out eventually!

"He had thought that at the very least, he wouldn’t have had to worry about that anymore, now that he was human."

this as a jack emotion for the central imagery of this (birds in a trap) wasn't something i thought of when i first thought of this fic, it only came in after i watched a ton of jack episodes.

" '– I mean, even with the boots, that’s going to go clean through' "

when their priorities are so different. when jack is focused on his guilt over almost crushing the chicks and all dean cares about is the hunt.

" 'Listen Jack, this head in the clouds shit is fine when you and Cas are doing… whatever you guys do together' "

again, dean being casually dismissive of cas to jack. really undermine his authority as a parent to his child.

"Jack doesn’t get the joke."

he's just like cas

" 'They don’t make miniature bears. Similar concept though – it’s a leg-hold trap, some asshole was probably trying to catch a fox or some shit.' "

the trap as a central metaphor for this fic was pretty important. sadly i conceived of it prior to really thinking of the logistics of it, and then drove myself crazy trying to make this more realistic. did you know they don't really make leg-hold traps with huge spikes anymore? sad but true. in general they don't really work like i needed them to in my fic, so i just said fuck it and gave up.

" 'Is it safe then? For the birds.' Jack rushes out, half-worried Dean will make fun of him for it, but Dean instead pauses for a moment, a thoughtful look crossing his face as he crouches down to examine the trap. The screaming of the fledglings increases in pitch as Dean comes closer."

jack does care about the birds as their own entities. but also relates to them and can't look directly at it. also when the birds don't like dean approaching. funny that

" 'you are not sticking your fingers in there. We’re not ambushing a vamp if your hand looks like it went ten rounds with a blender, and Cas’ll be pissed if any grievous bodily harm happens on my watch.' "

i wanted to at least try and thread the needle with this fic and not make dean a cartoon villain. we're in jack's pov and he's stressed the whole time, but dean is genuinely trying to be helpful here. dean can be nice to jack! he can be fun to be around! the issue is all the times he isn't.

"He balls his hands into fists, lets his nails bite into his skin – it’s not helping, and Jack wishes he could just shake his arms out, but Dean told him that was weird to do in public and he doesn’t know if the forest counts as public"

jack casual self-harm with the nails. like it could be innocuous for another person, but in the context of the show and jack's propensity for it i wrote it as self-harm; get all the emotions out through physical pain. also, the second part this was my attempt to gesture at jack stimming. this isn't the fic, but i again think that's something he would pick up once he lost his grace and had less of a shield in his body.

" 'Why would – why would their mother do that? Why would she build a nest somewhere so dangerous?' "

jack voice: i cannot get angry at cas. let me process by projecting on this bird instead.

"There’s a smile on Dean’s face, Jack knows. He doesn’t look away from the path in front of him to see it, even as he makes the corners of his mouth lift, answering Dean in turn."

again, i didn't want this fic to have cartoon villain dean. dean snaps, and then he tries to apologize and paper over it. the issue is that a.) jack is already constantly walking on eggshells and trying to keep dean calm due to The Incidents, so any display of anger is upsetting and awful and b.) dean doesn't care enough here to actually understand why jack's upset or comfort him. he just tries to make a joke and move on.

"Dean always ends up being right, in the end"

lines inspired by me being mad that the writers bend the world of supernatural to dean's whims.

"like that time when Dean told Cas that there was no way Led Zeppelin would let Beyoncé sample them"

in retrospect, i don't know if this part flows as much? i don't know. it feels a little jokey in comparison to the rest of the fic, but it does serve the important purpose of giving jack an inconsequential "dean being wrong" incident to cling to so it has to stay as a bridge. also again, dean dismissing cas. this whole thing is definitely vaguely inspired by the life skills cas discovering lady gaga section, but in reverse.

"He’s liked them ever since Cas started taking him on walks before Dean and Sam wake up so they can watch the falcons and sparrows swooping while the sky is orange and pink."

cas and jack bonding while the winchesters sleep is so important to me.

"Jack knows a lot about birds, and he knows that those birds knew, about the trap. How could they not? How could they live every day between steel jaws and not know that one day – maybe not now, but soon, that those jaws were going to snap shut, and devour them?"

i love jack projection so much. i love when he can't look at his situation directly and has to displace it, because if he thinks about the fact that one day, any day, he will be killed for being a "monster" his life will be untenable.

"Jack doesn’t know how their mother could do that to them. He knows what Dean said, and he doesn’t think it’s true, but he can’t think of another reason either. She has to love her babies. But if she loves them, why would she let them hatch somewhere dangerous, let them grow up afraid all the time? Jack can’t understand it."

again. jack voice: I CAN'T GET MAD AT CAS. he knows cas has to love him, but if he does why did this happen? why is jack here? also another jack moment here is taking responsibility from dean? if that makes sense? like of course dean will one day kill him. the sky is blue. dean can't change. what could change are the circumstances cas and jack live in, and their physical proximity to dean. but not dean himself. the idea never occurs to jack

"clearly does leave, since Jack didn’t see her. But that’s – that’s selfish of her."

the thing about them not wanting to pay misha collins. is that the situation is so horrible for jack. what if cloth mother kept leaving on week long trips and you were trapped in the dark all alone and scared until she came back

"Jack tries not to dwell on it, when he’s around. He tries to stop thinking about the nest altogether."

jack in this fic tries so hard to prioritize everyone else's feelings -- dean more out of trying to placate him, cas because he loves him and doesn't want to hurt him by being upset. but as a consequence jack has no real space to process or fight back or even say what's bothering him.

"It’s not Jack that scares them. They know he’s going to help."

contrast between how the birds react to dean vs jack. also jack voice. yeah these birds definitely exist in a space of constant terror and panic

"If he’s lucky, he’ll even see the mother return, watch her fuss over her babies as she feeds them insects she’s found. Jack can’t tell if she even notices the difference."

i keep saying this. but god jack can't get mad at cas. he also can't really see the ways cas is trapped too. cas is an adult, jack thinks he could do something if he wanted to, that it has to be thoughtlessness or ignorance that has resulted in this situation, instead of the reality where cas can't extricate himself either. and to be clear, it's not jack's fault that he can't realize this, but it is another tragedy.

"Steel snaps. The peeping stops."

i really struggled with how to end this fic. i knew i wanted to end it on sublimated suicidal jack, and for discomfort to linger, but i had trouble writing it. if i remember correctly i had other versions with more description, but i think cutting it down definitely helped.

#b i have to be honest. the odds i already told you a lot of this are high #so apologies if i just repeated trivia you know 😭

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sleepypsyducks · 1 year

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I'm working on a fic right now and slightly exploring Larry and Geeta's work relationship / friendship and honestly am having fun. So...headcanon time!

I just...I really like the idea that they have known each other for a long time and that Geeta is fully aware of Larry is capable of. She struggles, and has struggled for years, to understand how he just...changed to being normal. She has seen him at his best and finest hour and watched as he just...accepted normalcy and wears it like he has for his whole life. She watched how he traded fine trainer clothes of the highest quality for a few mid-quality suits and silk dress shirts. However, despite all of that, their dynamics never changed. People may think he's being serious about how she is as a boss and she thought so at first once his behavior changed but then she realized his humor is just...incredibly dry and flat. (She thinks she misses the sarcasm at first until it's directed at her in the blandest of tones. Then she finds she still hates it.) But she likes it because it compliments hers. She knows people are unsettled by her, that they have their views of her management skills and her person. Her blank gaze scares them, her attitude and behavior alienate her from people, and her smile is often misread. Yet she can pop into Larry's office with a grin on her face and stare at him as he tells her whatever is bothering him on his Spreadsheet of the Day.

Larry is one of the few people that Geeta can really just be herself around. She can let her stare become distant while she talks to him, can sit up a little straighter and become rigid as she discusses League business. She can let her words become a little sing song-y, let her body sway like it's floating when she tells him about her day. She can let Glimmora float around his office and Larry won't mind when she tries to bite his hair or burrow into his walls. She'll threaten to dock his pay for working overtime past acceptable overtime because she wants him to go home and not being a workaholic. (She knows that a lot of his money goes into Medali, goes to random trainers to pay for snacks and supplies, goes to Poppy's fundraisers and pays for Rika's obscene amount of magazine subscriptions. She knows that he has a frankly large amount of losses to bets against Hassel and that the money he gives Hassel goes to the Academy to help low income students. She knows that a large chunk of his money is also sent to another region of which she cannot figure out. She also knows that his money is spent on Pokémon clothes that she has never seen his team wear and also on gems and jewels that she knows for a fact sit in a jewelry box she got him when he accepted being the Medali gym leader. She knows that he's a man who cares not for anything but a good meal, so money doesn't actually mean much to him.)

She can put her socked feet on his lap while he glares at his computer, complaining that as his work wife she feels neglected. He'll dryly respond that there are divorce papers in his desk but please wait until Thursday to fill them out he has deadlines he needs to finish. He'll sigh when she hands him another file on an up and coming gym challenger yet they will spend the next several hours battling just so that Larry can take out his frustrations of having to stop his work to battle. She'll smile when she catches the way Larry smiles ever so slightly when he sees the diamond on Staraptor's head and the balloons on Flamigo's. She'll watch as he sits with Flamigo after their match and discuss what they need to do better next time while Glimmora floats over to say hello to her best friend. He'll not comment on how Flamingo was extremely close to successfully beating her team while she calls for repairs on the room.

Geeta may not understand why Larry chose to accept normalcy as his way of life, why he stopped battling with the passion he once had as a younger man, but she has slowly come to accept it, even if it's hard for her to do so. She doesn't understand how her rival, the one who brought out the best in her battles and of her, could just turn away from all of that to a life of letters and numbers. However, she is forever grateful that despite that he didn't end their friendship and alienate himself.

Larry struggles to understand Geeta's management style and why she has turned away from her worldly goals to focus just on Paldea. While he himself understands his dislike towards her at times, a fact she is well aware of and it brings her joy to know he can express his dislike, he doesn't fully understand why other leaders do as well given that she is very upfront with her expectations and goals. He doesn't understand why she insists on him using flying type for his Elite Four team when that was just the silly dream of a child. However, he is grateful that there is someone who understands him, who has sought to continue to understand him.

So yes, they don't always see eye to eye, they snark and get on each other's nerves, but they are the only two people who really understand the other.

However, Larry would really like it if Geeta would just let him work overtime. It's not harming anyone and it's less work for her to do.

#LOOK I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM ;o;#I just think they have a deep and complex relationship and it's fun to write #yes theres a sprinkling of my larrykabu agenda as well as another thing but shhhhh #i should be writing the fic but here we are #larry pokemon #gym leader larry #geeta pokemon #chairwoman geeta #they are just :| and :)#and i think thats neat #headcanons

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thestobingirlie · 10 months

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Saw someone like. Enraged by what I can only assume was your post about transfem Stevie and the possibility of romantic stobin. It's kinda weird because clearly the majority of people headcanoning Steve as transfem are not doing it to ship stobin? It's a semi-popular interpretation of the character, which obviously can be done poorly but is usually fine. and just because I love and adore platonic stobin, doesn't mean there isn't any possibility of it becoming romantic if Steve were a girl, or that it wouldn't be interesting to explore that, which is what most fanfiction is. "What if blank?". Calling it idk unkind or whatever they did when literally you were pointing out something about fandom is uncharitable. there's such a wide range of interpretations and depictions of these different relations that claiming no one outside a certain group should be able to explore that is silly. People interpret platonic stobin so differently in fandom that it could be a different relationship. As though many people don't ship variations of the party together but still hold their platonic friendships dearly.

yeah, a lot of people seem to think i was saying that they have to ship transfem stevie with robin or they’re a transphobe. when really all i was saying that the people writing robin as feeling disgusted and sickened by the idea of feeling any form of attraction to stevie should think a little about why they’re writing it that way.

like, there aren’t any stevie and robin fics (i don’t think?), so clearly no one’s transitioning steve just for romantic stobin, but the way some people write their relationship in steddie fics with stevie is weird and uncomfortable. and is what prompted me to make the post.

the irony is i’m not really even that into transfem stevie, but i’ve seen so many transphobic takes on her that it’s actually painful.

obviously i don’t think everyone has to believe that stevie and robin might be romantic, or that they’re automatically terrible people for preferring platonic friendships (i prefer platonic to romantic!!), i just think if people are writing a trans stevie fic, they should examine the way they’re writing her a little more.

like you said, fandom is for exploration, ‘what if’ scenarios. unpicking and diving into characters and relationships, and having fun! but it’s also really easy to start regurgitating popular fandom hcs and not realise how problematic they may be. and i think we should just all be aware of the tropes we’re writing, and how we’re writing them.

#trans steve harrington #fem steve harrington #robin buckley #stobin #stranger things #asks #anon

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scienceoftheidiot · 3 months

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I've grown way too unhinged with these "asks", but I've been meaning to send you this one for a while, so please indulge me!

From what I've noticed, a lot of the Royai fan artists I follow tend to prefer drawing Riza, when they're not portraying her with Roy. But I've noticed that a number of your pieces focused on Roy only, which I find very interesting! Would you say that his character inspires you more than Riza, artistically/creatively speaking? If so, in what ways?

Please tell us more! And thank you, as always <3

Lol not unhinged at all I love to receive asks, I just always forget to reply 🥲🥲 sorry 🥲 so, first, thank you very much for asking ! 🥰❤️

And lol yeah, sometimes I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb among the Royai people. But eh, healthy ecosystems need biodiversity 🤣

I hope my answer isn't too long.

I do have a preference for Roy in drawing, for a number of reasons.

I precise in drawing, because I do love writing Riza, not more than I do writing Roy, but they're relatively even for me - even if, yes, I tend to favour Roy because he's easier for me, there, too.

I like to draw him, because I like his face, expressions and postures, and I like to explore them. He's a fun little guy to draw, when I think Riza is cool AF (and I have a lot to say about her character, too!) but she's not as fun to draw for me (once again I love her and she's in fact the female character I have drawn the most I think, because I have a hard time drawing women, but still, if I'm looking for a quick doodle, I'll go towards Roy).

But yes, they're more or less indissociable for me, and for proof my first fan art for FMA was indeed Royai (here!).

Anyway. While Royai is my favourite ship and I love Riza to bits, my favourite character in FMA is Roy. Roy first. (And my husband has understood that well, he's calling me when we do a rewatch and Roy appears on screen and I'm not watching. Like HURRY ROY IS THERE).

Now, if anyone who knows me from earlier than my FMA obsession reads this, and I describe the utter mess that is Roy, they'll understand that it couldn't have gone any other way. Here's a man in a position of power, who hides everything behind a façade, who's a nerd and highly intelligent (I admit I'm often irked by some posts in the royai fandom. This guy is smart. He's goofy, he's a dork, but he's smart. Book smart, he's a fine tactician, and he can command. Erasing that is erasing part of his identity, and I'm sure part of why Riza loves him, too), has a weird sense of humour even though he can also be intense af, is crushed by unbelievable guilt from his past actions (I admit Roy and Roza both beat all of my previous fixations in that, good job being war criminals, guys 🙃) and intends to repair what he's done as much as he can, one way or another, whose sole goal is to make things better for others/his place/his country, whatever he has to give up for it to work, who inspires others doing that, and who gets badly injured/disabled during the story and keeps going and fighting teeth and nails through it and beyond?

WELL. There is no question I will fall for this dude instantly. This is like. Checking all the boxes for me to be instantly in love with this guy. Like. I think he's actually the only one who checks ALL of my boxes.

I do think however that Roy isn't complete without Riza, and that it's the same on her side (like. I've only tagged my current fic with "codependency" but that's how I write them whatever I write). I'm just fixating on him first, but I still find Riza an awesome character, there's no debate there 😊

Here you go! I've written a novel again lol but I hope I've replied to all your questions. I can talk more about how I see Roy and Riza, I always have more to tell, but really that would just make this even more unpalatable 😅 thank you again for asking 😊

#ask #replies #aicasey

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rriavian · 2 months

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Do you consider Morpheus' Corinthian and Daniel's Corinthian two different persons ( i mean nightmares ha ha) playing the same role? To be more clear- do you consider them like Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker and Tom Holland's Peter Parker?Or do you consider them as the uprated version of same software? Like Corinthian 1 is Windows 10 and Corinthian 2 is Windows 11?

I am asking about your interpretation. Not necessarily it has to be based on canon.

PS. Not sure if I should write my own interpretation here. But anyway, I am gonna write it.

For me, Morpheus and Daniel are completely different personifications. Like- yes they are both doctors/pilots/teachers/bankers-whatever really. But they are different persons. Doing the same job doesn’t make them the same person.

On the other hand, My understanding of Corinthian is completely opposite of "Dream 1 and Dream 2". No matter how different Corinthian and Remade Corinthian are- they are the " same personification" to me. It's like same person getting a second chance to life after coming back from coma state. I am personally not too eager to use "Cori 1 Cori 2". For me, they are both the same " Cori".

Sorry for my English if it's too incoherent.

Oh you love to make me think don’t you! I think my interpretation is still in flux; I’ve not read the comics, or seen a lot of super spoiler-y panels bar a few of the big ones, and the show is also still quite far off this storyline.

I suppose the truth is that the existence of the second Corinthian is a narrative element I struggle with, because to me it’s not very satisfying. I enjoyed how the show handled Dream making Gault a dream, because it was very clearly a cosmetic change, but with the Corinthian it feels like it would be a lot more. The idea of recreating isn’t an easy one (doesn’t feel like a great match for the themes of the story either), as it just seems like a very simplistic way to get a character to change without them actually growing. And this change is entirely against the characters will/doesn’t even involve the Corinthian doing anything at all.

Which is quite chilling given how his rebellion was very much a quest for agency.

The idea of the Corinthian rebelling, spending 100 years sticking to his choices, and then being unmade only to be recreated with everything suddenly being fine, with all the reasons he had to do what he did seemingly gone/resolved, just doesn’t feel very satisfying to me.

I’m still holding off on a full judgement until I’ve reached that point in the narrative, but there has to be some trajectory for me to really get on board. What did Dream alter in that moment of recreation? If it’s a new character with the old one’s face/name/memories but apparently none of their motivations then why should I care? And if there was a reason for not just making a completely new character as Dream’s second attempt at a masterpiece then what was that reason because I’d love to know what that is!

It’s probably because I’m not there yet in the story, but right now I don’t see it, and so I’m not sold on it.

Perhaps everything was somehow resolved while the Corinthian was unmade. Perhaps all he needed was a really good nap. Perhaps he got therapy while chilling as a skull. Joking aside—and finally looping round to actually answering your question—I think there has to be continuity between the first and second Corinthian because, unlike Dream, he’s not really the combination of two distinct identities. Well, in a way he could be, Dream not so much remaking him as giving him something more, not cutting out but adding a balancing factor. Upgrading the software to use your turn of phrase :)

I think that’s the interpretation I go with in Transmutation, and that fic was essentially me exploring what the complexity of identity could mean. It’s the interpretation I go to for Dream as well. Also—just to reference a spoiler I have seen from the comics—the panel of the second Corinthian choking Loki out when looking for Daniel?

Listen: that’s the same nightmare for sure.

#the corinthian #the sandman #rria answers #the sandman spoilers #sandman comic spoilers #sorry for the delay!#working through my asks :)#this has been in draft for a while

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ohmeadows · 4 months

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[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

i wasn't tagged, i just wanted to do it 😌

How many works do you have on AO3? 10 currently. if we’re counting all past accounts and orphaned works… easily 50-60.

What is your AO3 word count? currently 149,834. if we account for the grand total, well. more. ha.

What fandoms do you write for? i’ve been in quite a few, mostly video game ones, but right now it’s mostly only honkai star rail on my mind though i have the odd rhaenicent idea rattling around.

What are your top five fics by kudos? you and me are a twisted fantasy (kafhime enemies to milkies), i’m on a leash called you (kafhime with dom himeko), da capo al fine (kafhime time loops), the dew of dying stars (ruanliu mara body horrors and cannibalism), and spark (kafxuan horny).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes, i try to most of the time! i had a lapse this fall where i just didn’t have enough energy to do it for months on end, but i cleared my inbox of that backlog on january 1st. i’m trying to be more consistent going forward.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? none i can link bc orphaned or on old accounts, but i do love a good angsty ending if it makes sense for the way the story has been going. kinda aching to write one again i won’t lie.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? most of them are quite happy in terms of endings! i know people doomed so hard about da capo was going to have a sad tragic ending but that was… never in the cards for me. i already have it written and i’m very excited about getting there.

Do you get hate on fics? sort of. i wish people would offer up critiques instead of just leaving comments like “ew this is unhygienic”, “disgusting”, “can’t believe i read 8 chapters just for BOTTOM KAFKA” or whatever else pointless stuff i’ve deleted.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? mostly, yes. i think 99% of my writing stems from a very clear and vivid image of a sex scene, and then me building backwards to root that sex in a way that feels natural and consistent to both characters. and i'm always looking for some new angle in smut, or else it'll bore me, so that means exploring new kinks or dynamics each time.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? no, i frankly hate crossovers and it’s one of my blocked tags on ao3.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? oh yeah lol. sucks! what can you do! it always amuses me because if these people just bothered to talk to me in the way of “hey, i love x idea, i want to do my own take of it, can i discuss some ideas with you?” i’d be 100% down to help nurture that. i reblogged a post about it the other day but i definitely feel that fandom community has turned into a fandom clout competition which feeds into this, too many of us looking for a quick boost in some imaginary clout chasing.

Have you ever had a fic translated? several, yes. for a while i had a bunch of old fics translated into russian. it always flatters me that people would go through that effort with my works.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? yes, i’ve written a ton of unpublished wips with others and enjoyed the process, and then one i co-wrote with junie and published in an old fandom. i’d love to do it again, tbh, it’s incredibly energizing and fun, but wrangling two people’s creativity together over an extended period of time is always a lot of work and agreements, as well as being able to actually produce. you both need to trust each other and deliver.

What's your all-time favourite ship? uhm. i don’t know. i really don’t. ships by themselves don’t make me feel that excited, weirdly enough, but rather what people make exist in them. i have absolutely lost interest in compelling ships because the fandom de-fanged them, pulled their punches or morphed every single aspect about them into “uwu soft healing together”. (i could go into a long rant about how healing tends to be kinda… ugly…. in interpersonal dynamics. but that’s for another time.)

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will? most of my unfinished wips i’m completely at ease with leaving behind in the dust. most. i do spend a lot of time thinking about a dorothea/rhea court drama au.

What are your writing strengths? visuals, i think. i have a very vivid inner eye when writing and the scenes play out like a movie for me, so i pay a lot of attention to the choreography and details of the scenes, where everyone’s hands are, and so on, to try and translate my inner vision to text. i can be a very harsh editor which means i’m always looking at what effect each scene is striving for — does it make sense for it to meander, or does it need to be snappier, sharper?

What are your writing weaknesses? i feel like my vocabulary could do with enrichment. i spend a lot of time looking up synonyms because they never stick in my head, and most of my reading books is spent noting down words in a notepad i’d like to use. sometimes i leave too much to be fixed in editing instead of putting it all down in the first draft. i don’t like involving too many characters so sometimes i think fics can get a bit too narrow — and sometimes i can play that for good effect, i guess.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? if you know it, sure, if you want; or at the very least use a beta who knows the language. i tried reading some fics that made use of my mother tongue and my god was it jarringly obvious google translate as well as irrelevant. i think it is worth asking twice what effect it will have for the reader and if it will come off as jarring.

First fandom you wrote for? lord of the rings! man i loved my mary sue silly era.

Favourite fic you've ever written? completed: spark. the amount of research i poured into it, as well as dedicating myself to convoluting fu xuan’s internal voice and outlook on things was some real hard work, but satisfying in the end. incomplete: the dew of dying stars. this one pushed me to research more, think harder about what i wanted to convey, and make them be worse. it’s been a very fun shift in how much i allow myself to dig deep, and relaxing and trusting the audience more. truly a new level of sicko weirdo fic for me.

#meadows.txt #meadows writes

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voids-colourful-creations · 11 months

Text

So Keep Coming Home (please) - A Molly and Friede Fic

[Read on Ao3]

Rated: G Pokémon Horizons Friede & Molly (Platonic) Content Warnings: Descriptions of non lethal injury, non explicit references to death/(not) wanting to die. Words: 2.8k

Summary: Friede gets a bit scraped up in a battle with the Explorers. Molly patches him up.

It’s not too loud in the med room, save for Molly’s footsteps.

It’s a bit too quiet, actually. Molly’s not a particularly chatty person, but when she’s this quiet…

It’s generally not a great sign.

Friede tries not to worry about it. Instead, he’ll just sit patiently, waiting on the med room’s bed. The positions a bit awkward, with his leg stretched out like this. He’s restless, this much staying still is unusual for him. Not a fan.

Part of the reason it’s so quiet in here is probably because the only people in the room are him and Molly. She’d shut the door and told everyone to stay out until she was finished, Cap included.

When she’d said that, Friede had almost expected her to start yelling at him. Scold him for being stupid enough to get himself hurt like this. Instead, the door locked shut, and Molly’s mouth did the same.

He kind of wishes she’d start yelling. It’d be better than the silence.

Friede watches from his spot on the bed as Molly walks about the room, bouncing between the desk and the cabinet.

She’s growing a rather large collection of bottles and boxes on the table, but Friede can’t read any of the labels. Not from here at least.

At some point, the tension becomes too much for Friede, and the barrier preventing him from speaking snaps.

“Mol, do you really need all that stuff? I don’t think it’s all that bad-“

Molly cuts him off before he can finish the sentence.

“I don't tell you how to do your job, Professor Friede. So please, don’t tell me how to do mine.”

Oh. She was angrier than Friede had thought. A lot angrier.

“Ah.”

Finally, she finishes with whatever she’d been doing at the desk, and walks over towards Friede. Molly looks him up and down for a moment, sizing up the injury as well as his state as a whole.

He’d say it wasn’t too bad. He’s not sure she’d agree.

“I had it under control.” Friede tries, though he doesn’t look at Molly while he speaks. “I just did what was the best thing in the situation. And it all worked out, didn’t it? It’s fine.”

Molly just blinks for a moment.

Then she reaches forward, her hand grabbing his ankle in a quick, smooth motion.

The gash slashing into Friede’s leg is a bit lower than the knee, but with even that movement, he hisses as he breathes in sharply.

“I beg to differ.” Molly says, expression switching to a scowl.

There’s a moment, a heartbeat, and then her expression softens again.

Somehow, that hurts Friede worse.

“Now.” She says, “Hold still, this might sting a little.”

Friede does as he’s told, and Molly slowly gets to work at disinfecting the wound.

It’s a long cut, though not all that deep. Deep enough to hurt, deep enough to bleed enough to scare the colour out of Liko’s face, deep enough to make Roy cover his eyes. Not deep enough to need stitches. Not deep enough for Friede to take it as seriously as he probably ought to.

Friede takes another attempt at reconciliation.

“Molly, what do you want, then?”

Molly raises an eyebrow, through she doesn’t look away from Friede’s leg, carefully applying another round of disinfectant.

“Elaborate.” She says.

“Do you want me to apologize?”

Molly just hums noncommittally, still focusing on the task at hand.

“That’s a rather stubborn way to phrase it.” She says after a moment. “I guess that means you don’t think you should.”

Friede shrugs, careful to keep the motion from making the rest of him move.

“I don’t regret it.”

Molly grits her teeth a bit, though her work on Friede’s leg is as gentle as ever.

“Obviously not.”

There’s something about her tone, the way her voice catches the words partway through the sentence that sparks something in Friede.

“So you’d rather I’d done nothing? I won’t apologize for protecting Roy, Molly. I’d do it again. Him or Liko or Dot. Any of you. Sorry , Molly. Sorry I make things so difficult for you, having to patch me up. If it’s such a bother, I’ll just do it myself.”

His voice is dipped in sarcasm, it’s dripping and bitter. Friede isn’t being fair to Molly, he knows it perfectly well, but he can’t help himself. The idea that he would’ve just left Roy standing in the way of a stray Psycho Cutter shot, when he could see the way he froze. When he could see the way the purple flames reflected in Roy’s eyes and just knew he wouldn’t make it out of the way alone.

Friede doesn’t move though. He keeps still like he was told, and simmers for a moment while Molly keeps silent.

“Do you know exactly why you got hurt, Friede?” She asks after a moment. The scrape’s been cleaned up now, but she still won’t look at him.

“Pushed Roy out of the way of one of Amethio’s attacks that would’ve hit him otherwise, the ground was uneven and I slipped down the rock face. But if I hadn’t-“

“If you hadn’t, then Metang would’ve deflected the shot. Orio was right there, and was already directing it.”

Friede just sits there, mouth still open, in silence.

“You hurt yourself because you’re reckless. Because you’re awful at communication, and because your first instinct at the sign of any danger is to throw yourself into it headlong. You always toss yourself up to the front lines and never even consider the consequences, before or after.”

Friede purses his lips.

Quietly, Molly picks up the gauze and bandages, begins to set them in place and starts winding them around.

“This isn’t just about today, is it?” Friede asks quietly.

Molly shakes her head.

Soft clouds drift by the window lazily. It’s evening now, and the sunsets on the opposite side from where Friede can see. Instead of the vibrant oranges and pinks, he watches the inverse, the way the darkest blues melt into pure black, the way the brightest stars begin to speckle the skyline. In the dying light, the clouds almost seem to glow in what remains. Gentle lavenders and violets, passing them by as the ship proceeds forward.

Friede addresses the window when he replies to Molly.

“Things are just… like that, aren’t they? You know how it is, Captain goes down with the ship and all that. Though, it’s not like anyone would put that on Cap, so… It’s me.”

“Do you really think anyone on this ship wants that? For you to go out instead of them?”

Friede pauses, considering.

“I- It’s not-“

“We’re all like that, you know. Everyone here’s too reckless and too caring. So trust me, idiot, when I tell you that no one wants that.”

And it’s such a simple statement in essence, but it’s so jarring to hear that Friede feels out of place. Like everything’s just been shifted to the left, but he’s right where he was a moment prior. Spinning in both directions and neither at once.

“What do you want, then?” He manages to ask.

And that’s when Molly looks up at him. Her expression is as blunt as ever, her eyes bore into him like they always have. But ever so slightly, there’s tears dotting the edges, and Friede hates that more than anything.

“For you to keep coming home.”

Molly turns her attention back to her bandage work, leaving Friede to sit with his thoughts.

“I-“ He’s coming out tongue tied again, it’s not like him, and he hates it. “I want to come home. I’m not just… tossing myself into danger because I think- because I…”

Friede trails off.

“I understand.” Molly replies as though he’d actually finished the sentence. Her voice drops to a deep whisper. “I just- we just… want you to value yourself a little more, that’s all. Put some of that weight you place on yourself on our shoulders, yeah? It’s not good for you to take it all like this… and if you can’t do that for yourself yet, at least do it for the kids? You don’t see the way Roy looks at you, like you hung the stars or something. And Liko too, even if she’s quieter about it. There’s this way about her, where she likes to bundle all the world’s problems into her own personal pile, you know this. They both look up to you a lot. Even Dot does, though I think she’d rather toss herself overboard than admit it. So don’t… don’t do something that’ll make you regret them following in your footsteps. That’s all.”

It’s a burst of words that comes rushing out of Molly’s mouth, the most Friede’s heard her speak in an age. It’s odd to hear. Not just her voice, everything about her sentiment settles awkwardly on Friede, like clothing a few sizes wrong.

She’s right though. He hates it when she’s right like this. It means that awkwardly shaped truth is something he has to learn to accept, to slot into place.

Because Friede doesn’t want to leave the Volteccers just as much as they don’t want him to leave them. Just as much as he wants to prevent the loss of any of them.

It was easier then, in those flashes of panic to forget that. Rationality is discarded, a protective instinct he’s still not accustomed too even after all this time takes over. How do you balance those feelings and that knowlege? What’s the right thing to do? And even if he knew that, in those moments of fear, would he even be able to act on that?

Friede didn’t know.

But… it was something to explore. To try and achieve. There’s a lingering feeling in Friede that there’s more than that, there’s something about the way he feels himself moving without thinking when he sees Liko or Roy in danger he doesn’t quite get yet.

There’s time to figure it out. He’d have to stick around long enough to find that at least.

“I’m sorry.” Friede says, looking over to Molly. “I’ll try.”

With a final pull at the bandages and a patch of medical tape, Molly finishes the job and looks up and over to Friede.

“That’s all I wanted to hear.”

With that she stands, stretching out her arms above her as she goes.

“How’s that feeling?” She asks, looking Friede up and down again.

“Good!” Friede says as he swings his legs down, perching on the edge of the bed. Molly doesn’t miss his slight wince as he does. She gives him a deadpan look.

“Better.” He amends sheepishly. “It does sting a bit.”

Molly nods.

“That’s to be expected, and not anything to worry about.” She pauses for a moment, “But if it starts to feel like it’s burning -“

“That’s bad?”

“That’s bad.”

There’s a brief moment, the both of them smiling before Molly shifts her expression back into something more typical for her.

“Seriously though, if something feels off, tell me. None of that idiot ‘putting on a brave face stuff’, now's not the time for it. If I catch wind that you weren’t telling me something I’ll make Lucky tail you around every time you get hurt from now on.”

Friede grins.

“You got it, Mol. Will do!”

Molly whips her head around from where she was placing bottles back in the cabinet, eyes narrowing.

“I mean it!”

“So do I!”

With that, Friede gently slips down off the bed, stepping back onto the floor again. It takes a moment, a few awkward steps to get a hold of how to handle the weight, but after a moment, he stands up straight and smiles at Molly.

“We good?”

She smiles back.

“We’re good.”

Carefully, Molly places the last bottle back in the cabinet and shuts the door.

“Now will you both stop hiding behind the door and come out?”

Before Molly’s sentence is even fully finished, the door slides open so hard it nearly bounces back closed. Roy flings it open with all his strength and comes running into the room, stumbling over his feet a little. He skids to a stop in front of Friede, immediately bending over in apology so low his hat threatens to topple over his head.

“I’m sorry! I’m really really sorry! It’s all my fault- I-!” Roy cuts himself off, raising his arm to his face to wipe away tears.

Startled, Friede whips his head over to Molly for a split second. She just stares back at him, then nods towards Roy.

“Whoa, whoa, Roy!” Friede says, raising his hands, “Roy, calm down, okay? I’m fine, see?”

Roy looks up, eyes still teary. Friede smiles at him, giving a little wave and shaking his leg out.

“See, Molly patched me right up, like she always does. Don’t go beating yourself up, yeah?”

Roy looks back to the floor, clutching his fists out in front of him. They’re shaking.

“B-but if I had-“

And there’s a bit of a chill that crawls down Friede’s back when he watches Roy in front of him like this, trembling under the weight of misplaced guilt.

“Nope, none of that.” Friede interjects. “What’s done is done. We’re moving forward, onto the next adventure. So don’t go blaming yourself for everything.”

The words fit his mouth well, they’re familiar. Friede kind of hates that, the idea that this isn’t the first time he’s had to say it in recent memory.

He takes a quick look up, glancing towards the doorway. Poking her head around the edge of it is Liko, just the edges of her hair and eyes peeking out. She makes a small noise as her eyes lock with Friede’s, and ducks back behind the door frame.

She stumbles out through it a second later, Orio’s familiar gloves pushing her forward.

“A-ah!” She takes a few steps forward, carried by momentum, but holds herself back.

“I-I’m sorry too. I-I saw the attack coming, but I just… froze. I couldn’t say a thing.”

She ducks down too, just her head, like she’s waiting for Friede to scold her.

“Both of you, come on, heads up! You’re gonna make Murdock think I’m punishing you guys!”

In unison, both children look up, eyes a bit watery, waiting expectantly for Friede to continue.

He takes a deep breath, trying to let the words roll around in his mind until they fall into the right order.

“Look. When we’re exploring, sometimes it’s going to be dangerous. Sometimes we’re going to get hurt. That’s okay! As long as you can get up afterwards. So don’t go worrying just because I got a bit scraped up.”

Friede takes a breath, looking over to Molly.

“But… you both should be careful. It’s much worse to go tossing yourself in harm's way without a plan. You want to be strong enough to protect what you care about, I understand. But I’ll let you guys in on a secret, okay? Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is step back and realize when you’ve got to let someone else handle something, or help you with it.”

Roy stares at Friede, eyes wide.

“Even if it’s someone you really love?”

Friede nods.

“Especially then.”

Liko looks up as well, glancing over at Roy’s face before looking back to Friede’s. She looks like she wants to say something, but whatever it is, she keeps her mouth shut. After a moment, she seemingly makes up her mind.

“What if it’s… hard. To let someone else handle it.”

Friede hums lightly.

“Yeah… asking for help is hard. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Even if it’s late. That’s the point of having a team, yeah? It’s not just you out there, there’s all of us working together and helping each other out.”

When he says it aloud like this, Friede feels kind of silly. For rushing in and being reckless. But when he’s talking to Liko and Roy like this, he almost feels like he’ll be able to get himself to believe it.

“Sure you say that…” Liko mumbles under her breath, and it’s not like Friede doesn’t think she has a point.

He takes a deep breath.

“I’ll make you kids a deal.” He says, “If you try to count on us to help you out a bit more and don’t go blaming yourself for my recklessness, I’ll try and rely on you both a bit more, okay? Sounds good?”

Liko and Roy share a quick glance, split second communication understood only by them.

“Okay!” They say in unison. Even though there’s still a few tears dotting Roy’s eyes, though Liko’s face is a touch red from worrying, there’s something of a smile on their faces.

And that, he tells himself, is why he’ll get better at trying. At making sure he always comes home.

[End]

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