#i love when they mention harrison in passing lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caravelstan · 2 years

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all too well | j.m. kiszka

authors note: merry late christmas! i’ve been working on this ever since red (taylor’s version) dropped and i’m super proud of it (for the most part). this is the longest piece of writing i’ve wrote in a long time. i’m sorry for any errors, i don’t have an editor, but i really do hope you enjoy :( i’m thinking of doing songs from red (taylor’s version) for the rest of the band but have yet to decide on that. anyways! enjoy and always remember if you have any requests my ask is always open and feedback is greatly appreciated! love u <3

pairing: josh kiszka x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of underage drinking, mentions of sexual acts (alluding to sleeping together, literally just a mention), angst (sorry lol)

word count: 13.9k

summary: fragments of the rise and fall of josh and reader’s relationship throughout high school, and the time they meet again.

We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place

Her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned back against the headrest, letting the cool air wash over her skin. It was a particularly warm day for Autumn in Michigan, and when Josh had asked her to go out on a drive she couldn't say no to her best friend. Her eyes open again moments later as she watches the trees pass by them and she lets her hand stray out the window, the air catching between her fingers.

Their drives never consisted of an actual destination, whoever was behind the wheel that day had free reign on where they were going. Sometimes it’d lead them nowhere and other times it’d take them to the most beautiful spots Frankmuth had to offer.

Her eyes drift towards Josh and she has to stop herself from smiling, watching as he sings along to If Not for You by George Harrison. He sneaks a glance at her, still singing and holds her gaze for a moment. Her breath hitches in her throat and she stills, even after Josh returns to watching the road.

Whether it be the moment or what, she finds herself reaching out to twirl one of her fingers around one of his curls, mesmerized. She rests her hand on the back of his neck and he comes to a stop, looking over at her. His eyes hold a certain softness, much too soft for it to be friendly - though, she supposes their relationship had always teetered between friends to something more. Whatever it was it had her heart racing and warmth spreading across her chest.

"What?" Josh asks, absentmindedly leaning into her touch.

"You're beautiful." She says softly.

"Shut up." He rolls his eyes playfully before focusing back on the road, continuing on their drive.

“You know I’m right!”

His glances over at her again and she doesn’t miss the way his gaze flickers down her face before finding her eyes once again, lips twitching into a small smile. She blushes under his gaze but doesn’t dare look away. She couldn’t even if she wanted to - Josh was mesmerizing.

“Whatever you say, mama.”

She doesn’t respond, instead lets her fingers toy with the few stray curls at the base of his neck, lips tugging into a wide smile. She loved moments like this, when it was just her and Josh. Of course she loved spending time with the rest of the Kiszka’s, but her time with Josh was always special to her.

He was special to her. Though, she thinks she’ll keep that to herself.

“If not for you, my sky would fall. Rain would gather, too,” Josh softly sings, sneaking another glance at her. “Without your love I’d be nowhere at all. I’d be lost, if not for you.”

Their eyes meet and for a split second, they’re the only two people in the world.

...

'Cause there we are again on that little town street

You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me

Her head spun, even after shutting her eyes, and leaned her head against the window. She had drank a bit too much tonight. Even though she was sobering up, especially with the cold December air pressing into her skin like ice, she knew she was going to be paying for it in the morning. She mentally cursed Jake Kiszka and the many shots he had given her that night.

She groans.

"Remind me to never drink again." She says, a hint of a whine in her voice. Josh laughs from beside her, hands gripping the steering wheel.

"I'm surprised you even agreed to come tonight," He says gently. "You barely come to parties with us."

She gives a tiny shrug, squeezing her eyes shut as another dizzy spell comes. "It's our senior year. I wanted to make memories with you and Jake that weren't just at our houses."

"We have plenty of memories that aren't just at our houses."

"I know, but this is different!" She huffs, finally opening her eyes. She tries to glance at Josh without moving too much, eyes straining. "I don't wanna be remembered as the lame friend who didn't do anything cool with you guys. Plus, it sounded like it'd be fun. At the time."

Josh snorts. "At the time?"

"Yes. I am very much regretting it now." She presses her head back against the cool glass, eyes fluttering shut.

"By the way, I hope you know we don't think you're lame - you never were. You just don't like parties," He shrugs, "and that's okay. We still love you."

The dizzy spell had ended and her head no longer spun, though the reminisce of a headache lingered. She barely moves when she feels Josh place a free hand on her leg, gently squeezing her knee. She's grateful that he feels that way - and hopes Jake feels the same too, even though she hates him right now - but her head is pounding too much at the moment to even come up with a proper reply.

"Can I please stay with you tonight? I really don't want to try and sneak past mom."

"Of course, mama. Anything you want." His voice was gentle again and he continued to drive, keeping his hand on her knee.

They rode in silence after that, the only sound was the radio playing quietly in the background - some song that she knew Josh would hate. She feels his thumb brush against the fabric of her jeans and she smiles to herself.

"I’m so lucky to have you."

She still regrets drinking so much and will be giving Jake a mouthful whenever he comes home in the morning, but she's also grateful for Josh at this very moment. She knew that no matter what, the boy would be there to take care of her.

She feels the car come to a stop and she keeps herself leaned against the window. It feels like they sit there for a while, and she thinks they do, and she opens her eyes to peek over at the boy. He's removed his hands from her leg, both of them now gripping the steering wheel again but his eyes are on her. She can barely see it, with how dark it was inside the car, but she can make out the faint flush to his cheeks. She remembers him having a few beers that night, but not enough that would actually make him drunk. She knows Josh isn't dumb enough to drive under the influence, especially with her in the car.

She twists her body to where her back is leaning against the door, eyes never leaving his, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

Josh laughs, almost surprised. He looks off to the side and clenches his jaw. "Maybe I will."

Her headache has subsided for the most part, maybe due to the car no longer moving, but that's the last thing on her mind right now. She looks around and notices they're still stopped at the same stop sign, the only car on the road currently. Which would be creepy, she thinks, if she hadn't known her surroundings. One more stop sign and they'd be turning on Josh's road.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

"I don't think you want to know what I'm thinking."

Her brows furrow. "I was just saying it to say it, but now I'm curious. What are you thinking?"

Josh glances at her and the look in his eyes causes her breath to hitch. There was so much inside of them. The same softness he always gave her, but mixed with want, and maybe even a bit of guilt. Her heart twists beneath her chest as she watches him put the car in park, unbuckle himself from his seat, and leans over the console towards her. She finds herself leaning towards him and he places a hand on her face, cupping her chin.

"I'm thinking that I really want to kiss you, and have wanted to since I was like 12." He breathes out a laugh. "Please tell me that I can."

All she can do is stare back at him, mouth agape. What the fuck? Did Josh just ask if he could kiss her? She would have never thought that would happen in a million years. Of course their relationship has always been just a little bit more than just friends, and maybe there was a part of her that always wished for him to kiss her, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. Wishful thinking, she thought.

He searches her eyes, waiting for some kind of response, and she knows he won't kiss her or pull away until she tells him so. Her eyes drop to his lips and she subconsciously licks at her own, gazing back up at him. His thumb brushes against her cheek and she leans into the touch before slowly nodding her head.

His mouth twitches into a small smile before he closes the distance between them, pressing his lips against her own softly. She doesn't move at first, scared that this was all a dream that she'll be waking up from soon, but that's all thrown away when she feels his lips move against hers. Her hands find their way to his face, cupping his cheeks. She’s never really thought too much on what it would be like to kiss Josh, never thinking she’d ever get the chance, and this goes far beyond her imagination. He pulls away all too soon and she whines when they part. Josh lets out a breathless laugh, resting his forehead against hers and letting his eyes fall shut.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I know if I didn't stop now, we wouldn't get home, and both of our ass's would be in trouble." He says, but presses another chaste kiss to her lips before pulling away fully. She leans back against the door and stares at him, bringing a hand up to brush at her lips.

Josh had kissed her.

She’s in a daze on the remainder of their drive and doesn’t come to until Josh is already out of the car and coming to her side, opening the door for her. She stares up at him for a moment and he smiles, reaching a hand out for her to grab. Her cheeks flush when she wraps her fingers around his and hauls herself out of the car, letting him guide her towards the house. They’re quiet as the navigate through the house, partly so they don’t wake Josh’s parents, Ronnie, or Sam, and partly because she’s not sure what to say. What is there to say?

They sneak into Josh’s room and he shuts the door behind him slowly. She stands in the middle of his room and gazes around, arms crossed over her chest.

“Here.” Josh finally speaks up and she glances over at him, seeing him holding one of his old school shirts and a pair of sleep shorts. She smiles sheepishly as she reaches out for it. “I’ll change in the bathroom, okay?”

She nods and watches him leave his room, shutting the door behind him. With a deep breath, she’s quick to change out of her clothes and into the ones Josh had given her and then crawls into his bed, curling up under the blankets. Her headache has returned, probably with new meaning. There’s a knock at the door and she shuts her eyes, feigning sleep. Call her childish but she’s scared to face Josh right now. She doesn’t know what to think, what to even making out of the situation. Her and Josh had kissed, and they both seemed to really fucking like it.

The bed dips behind her and she hears Josh shuffling with the covers, getting comfortable. He stills and lays there for a second and she thinks they’ll leave it - at least hopes that they will - but then he shifts again, probably onto his side, and she hears him sigh.

“I know you’re awake.” Josh says from behind her, voice barely above a whisper. “We need to talk.”

“I don’t think we need to do anything.” She says quietly, eyes still shut.

“Y/N.”

She flips onto her back and opens her eyes, looking up at Josh. He’s looking down at her and she brings the covers up to her chin, trying to hide underneath them. His gaze softens and he reaches down to run his fingers through her hair and she can’t help but lean into the touch, eyes fluttering shut.

“If we talk about it then it becomes real, and it still feels like a dream.” She whispers, opening her eyes to stare up at him. “And I really don’t want to wake up from it.”

“It’s not a dream,” He says softly. “This is very much real life.”

“Why did you kiss me?” She blurts out. Josh stills for a moment before carding his fingers through her hair again, shoulders going up in a small shrug.

“Because I wanted to.”

“That’s it?” She says flatly, lips pressing into a line. Not quite the answer she was expecting… or wanting for that matter.

There was a part of her wishing that maybe, just maybe, these stupid feelings she’s had pent up for this boy weren’t one-sided and that maybe, just maybe, he felt something more than just wanting to kiss her.

“Well,” He starts, looking off to the side, “and because I’ve also had this crush on you since we were like.. 12.”

Oh. Her cheeks flush with color as she curls in on the blanket wrapped around her. “Really?”

“Really.” He looks down at her again, his own cheeks flushed a deep shade of red, and a smile tugging at his lips. “You’re my favorite person. I feel.. safe when I’m with you. It feels right, like it makes sense. We make sense.”

“Okay, now I’m really hoping this isn’t a dream.”

Josh laughs at that, full and loud, and she smiles up at him. It’s such a beautiful sound. One of her favorites, she’d listen to it all day if she could. She reaches up for his hand that was messing with her hair, pulling it away from her and bringing it down to lay in between them.

“I promise it’s not a dream.”

“Good,” She hums quietly, watching her fingers trace random patterns into the palm of his hand.

“Does this mean that you, um,” Josh clears his throat and she looks up at him, arching her brow. His cheeks are flushed again and he averts his gaze, “does this mean that you like me too?”

She lays there for a moment, eyes moving back to their hands that lay between them before looking back up at Josh. She pushes herself up and closer to Josh, reaching out to place a hand on his cheek and brings his head down to hers, pressing their lips together in a kiss.

She pulls back a second later, but not too far, eyes locking on Josh’s as a smile spreads across her lips. “You've always been my favorite person.”

The smile Josh gives her fills her entire body with pure joy she can’t help but lean forward to connect their lips again. No words were spoken between the two - nothing was needed to be said at this point. Soft kisses and soft touches filled the rest of their night up until she pulled away to curl up against his chest, her eyelids becoming too heavy to even keep open. Josh’s arms wrapped around her body to pull her close, their legs tangling together.

This isn’t the first time they’ve cuddled, let alone slept in the same bed together, but this is the first time it’s had different meaning. The last thought she has is Josh’s lips against hers, and she finally drifts off with a sleepy smile.

...

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night

We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light

It’s been two months since her and Josh made it official. Not much had really changed between them, but it was still the best two months of her life. Sneaking Josh in from the back door without her mother knowing and the late night kisses they shared in her bedroom, being able to hold his hand whenever she pleased, the secret kisses they shared in the back seat of his car, countless nights of sneaking in and out of the Kiszka’s house without anyone knowing... The essence of it all thrilled her.

No one knew about them yet. It had been Josh’s idea to keep it a secret for awhile, letting them get used to being a couple and to have it actually be theirs until his family found out. Don’t get her wrong, she loves the Kiszka’s, but she knows the second they find out all hell will break loose and they’ll never get a second alone ever again.

For now, she gets to keep Josh for herself. And maybe that’s selfish, but she can’t think of anything else she wants more in this world.

“Can you get us some more beer?” Jake asks from his spot on the floor, tossing his head against the couch go stare up at her. She scrunches her face up.

“Why can’t you get it?”

“Because I don’t wanna get up. And you love me.”

“And what if I don’t wanna get up either? Also, I actually hate you.”

“Yeah, Y/N, can you get more beer?” Sam cuts in from the other end of the couch, already finishing off his third beer of the night.

She glares at him, “Again, why do I have to do it when you both of perfectly capable of getting your own? You weren’t even supposed to be drinking tonight, Samuel.”

Sam can only glare in response before turning his attention back to the movie.

“Because they’re men.” Ronnie says from her side, body shaking from her own giggles. She can’t help but laugh herself. “They can’t do anything by themselves.”

“Hey! I take offense to that.” Josh speaks up from the chair in the corner, glaring playfully at the two girls. Ronnie rolls her eyes.

“Good.”

“And,” Josh continues, “I’m capable of helping myself, thank you very much.” He stands up from his seat and stretches his arms out.

She watches as his shirt rides up just a bit, showing just a bit of skin and she has to bite down on her lip to stop the smile from growing. She flickers her gaze up and finds Josh already staring at her, a knowing smirk plastered on his face. She checks to make sure the others didn’t notice, and they didn’t, all too focused on the movie playing in front of them to even care about the current stare down going on between her and Josh. He walks over to where she’s seated and places his hand out for her to take, which she does gladly.

“Up you go, mama.” He says as he’s helping her up to her feet, hand lingering in hers for a second longer than needed. “We’ll be back.”

“Thought you were capable of helping yourself?” Ronnie teases, but she barely even gives them a glance.

“I’m just going to supervise,” She says over her shoulder while Josh leads her towards the stairs. “He’s still a poor, helpless man.”

Ronnie laughs loudly at that and she can’t help but grin before turning her focus back on Josh, her grin turning into a smirk.

"Now why am I actually coming with you, Joshua?" She teases once they’re out of ear shot, her hand finding his once again. Her fingers wrap around his and squeezes gently before lacing them together.

"Like you said, I'm a helpless man," He turns his head to shoot her a grin, "I need all the help I can get."

She throws her head back with laughter. He pushes the basement door open that leads them into the kitchen, hands untangling from hers to make his way across the kitchen.

"Grab the beers and I'll make some popcorn?"

"Sure."

She watches as Josh opens the cabinet above the microwave, reaching up to grab a packet of popcorn and her eyes drift down to where his shirt has started to ride up again. Clearing her throat she turns to the fridge and opens it, glancing inside to look for the beers Jake had snuck in here for the night. She pulled out the last four that were stuffed in the back, turning around to carefully place the bottles on the counter. She lets out a yelp instead and almost drops them when she finds Josh behind her, an amused grin on his lips.

"What the hell are you doing, Kiszka?" She bites out, holding the bottles to her chest. He laughs.

"The light from the refrigerator made you look really pretty and I wanted to tell you that," He starts, his grin only growing. "Then I decided scaring you would be better."

She moves around him to place the bottles on the counter before turning around to punch playfully at his arm, shooting him a glare. "You're an asshole."

"But you love me."

"Not sure where you got that from." She grumbles, turning to shut the refrigerator doors.

Josh's arms circle around her waist and he spins her around to face him instead. She looks up to find him beaming at her and her heart skips a beat at the sight. He maneuvers their arms around, having one hand rest against her hip and hers rest against his shoulder, while lacing their free hands together.

“Dance with me.”

She stares at him quizzically. “There’s literally nothing playing.”

“You don’t know what’s going on inside this beautiful head of mine, baby.”

She stifles her laughter while Josh spins them around the kitchen, humming along to whatever song is playing in his head. After a few moments his hand drops from hers to wrap both arms around her waist and hers around his neck, both of them leaning together to press their foreheads against each other. His eyes lock on hers and for a split second, it feels like the first time again, and she can't help but lean in, pressing her lips against his in a gentle kiss.

"I love you," She mumbles when she pulls back, head resting against his shoulder as he sways them from side to side.

"And I love you." Josh hums, lips brushing against her forehead.

They pull apart a few moments later and both quietly go back to their prior tasks - her grabbing the remaining beers and shutting the fridge and Josh emptying the bag of popcorn into a bowl. He turns to look at her again, head tilting towards the basement door.

"Ready to go back?"

She nods in agreement, even though she’d much rather stay here and dance away with Josh, and the two of them make their way back down to the basement, finding Ronnie, Sam, and Jake still in their same spots.

"We come bearing gifts!" Josh sports a fake British accent that causes her to laugh before she's handing a beer to both Jake and Sam, squinting at the younger boy.

"This is your last one of the night."

"You're not my mom." Sam grumbles out as he snatches the bottle from her, glaring at her playfully.

"No, she's not but I'm your brother and I say you're cut off after that one, dude. You were only supposed to have one anyways." Jake says as he reaches for his own, nodding up at her in thanks, and misses Sam giving him the finger behind his back. "What took you guys so long? You were gone for like 10 minutes."

She can't stop her cheeks from flushing and turns to place the remaining two bottles down on the end table, shoulders going up in a nonchalant shrug. "Josh was being a goof and kept joking around. Lost track of time."

She climbs back onto the couch beside Ronnie, leaning her body back into hers and getting back into her previous (and very comfortable) position, and she feels Jake's eyes still on her. He doesn't say anything, just raises a brow before glancing over at Josh who's already back in his chair, popcorn placed in his lap and eyes on the screen. Jake gives her another look and she has to act as if she’s not freaking out on the inside, heart beating rapidly beneath her chest, and then he's looking back at the screen.

"Whatever." He doesn't sound convinced, but goes with it anyways, and for that she's thankful.

Sneaking around is getting to be a lot harder than she thought it would.

Her eyes find their way back to Josh and he's already looking at her, and he winks before turning his head back towards the TV. She buries her face against Ronnie's shoulder to hide the growing flush to her cheeks and feels the girl shift underneath her, grunting quietly.

"What's your deal?"

"Tired." Her voice is muffled by the others shirt and she gives a yawn for dramatic effect, full on snuggling into Ronnie's side. "Could fall asleep right here, Ron. You're so comfortable."

"You're so weird." Ronnie mumbles, but there's a smile in her voice.

She shifts underneath her again but this time lets her arms wrap around her, getting into a much comfortable position. From how comfortable she is and how at peace she feels in that moment, snuggled up on the couch and surrounded by her favorite people, she finds herself struggling to keep her eyes open and before she knows it, she's asleep - dreaming of her and Josh dancing around the kitchen, and their friends and family dancing right along with them.

...

And maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

It all happened so quickly.

They were curled up on the couch, legs and arms intertwined together as a movie played softly in the background. Josh's parents had went to Detroit for the weekend with some friends which left the Kiszka children on their own for a few days. Jake ran off the second he could to hang out with his current girlfriend, Ronnie went to stay with a friend, and Sam went to Danny's. This left the perfect opportunity for the two of them to spend time together at Josh's house without having to sneak around.

It was a relief, like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders knowing she didn't have to look around before she kissed Josh. She could even cuddle up to him without getting odd stares from the others. It was amazing, and made her wish they'd just come out and tell everyone because she wants nothing more than to do this all the time.

Josh's fingers threaded through her hair as his eyes focused on the screen in front of him and she was so content, eyes fluttering shut every so often. She loved when Josh played with her hair, it was so relaxing and was one of the quickest ways to lull her to sleep.

So it was no surprise that neither of them heard the front door shut and the sound of Jake’s footsteps snapping them back to reality.

"Josh?"

The sound of his voice caused the two of them to jump, eyes widening in shock at the realization of their current position.

"Fuck."

Josh pulls away from her and scrambles down to the other end of the couch. Her heart drops and she can't help but feel like she's been punched in the gut, especially with how quick he pulled away from her - as if touching her had burned him. She glances at him but he refuses to even look at her, eyes trained on Jake finally entering the room. The air is tense almost immediately and she knows Jake can sense something is off, especially with the way he comes to a stop to stare at the two of them on the couch.

"Hey," Josh's voice is tight and he clears his throat before continuing, "What're you doing home?"

"I left my wallet." Jake squints, eyes roaming between her and Josh. "I texted you but I guess you were... preoccupied."

His tone was a bit too accusatory for her liking but she shrugged it off, telling herself that he doesn’t know. He can’t know… right?

She shrinks in her seat under Jake's gaze. It made her skin crawl and she refused to look him in the eyes. His head tilts before he's looking at Josh again, squinting harder.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Must've missed it." Josh doesn't even sound like himself, even when he lets out a nervous chuckle.

Jake's brows quirk up looking anything but humored. He snorts out a breath before making his way towards the stairs, "Yeah, must have."

She watches as Jake bounds up the stairs to his room and moves her gaze back towards Josh who's still refusing to look at her, practically curled up against the arm rest. She's not understanding why Josh is acting like this, even after Jake ventured upstairs. It was weird - and nothing like him.

"What the fuck was that?" She whisper-shouts at him.

He barely even spares a glance her way. "Not now."

She pauses. "Why are you being so weird?"

"I'm not, I just," He sighs, running a hand over his face. "I just freaked out. He almost caught us."

She pauses again, a frown spreading across her lips. "You're acting like Jake finding out is the worst thing that could possibly happen, Josh."

"It is!" His voice raises and they both still, the implications of his words hitting almost immediately. "I mean, it's not - fuck - it's not, but I don't want him finding out this way."

Her frown only deepens. “This way? You don’t want him finding out by us acting like a couple? That makes no sense.”

Josh opens his mouth to respond but slams it shut when he hears Jake coming back down, staring off towards the staircase. He stops at the last step and looks over at them, the same hardening gaze remaining on his features. She swallows and averts her gaze from him, staring at the TV. She'd completely forgotten a movie had been playing. Silence overlaps them as she feels Jake's eyes on her again and with the way her heart is pounding beneath her chest she's sure he hears it.

"Question," Jake speaks up finally, moving his eyes towards Josh.

"What's up?"

"What were you guys doing before I walked in?"

Her eyes widen and she doesn't dare look over at Josh, even though her body is screaming at her to do so. A beat passes them and Josh clears his throat, tilting his head at his brother.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right," Jake says, stretching out the word and brows furrowing. "There's definitely something you're not telling me."

“You’re being weird, dude.” Josh laughs it off.

“No, you’re being weird.” Jake points at him and then at her, lips forming into a frown. “And so are you. There’s something you guys aren’t telling me and I don’t get why.”

She feels Josh’s eyes on her now and she sneaks a glance at him before looking at Jake, opening her mouth to respond. Nothing comes out - she’s not sure what to even say. Instead, she brings her shoulders up into a shrug and presses her lips back into a line.

Jake pauses. “You guys aren’t like dating or something, right? Because you would at least have the decency to tell me that.”

Holy shit. She looks over at Josh with wide eyes and her heart is beating rapidly, watching as the boy is staring at his brother like he’s got two heads. Was it that obvious?

“Dating?” He laughs. “You think I’m dating her? She’s like our sister, man.”

"I don't know!" Jake's arms flail around him, obviously frustrated. "That's the only explanation on why you both are being so fucking weird right now."

She opens her mouth to speak, but Josh beats her to it. "We're being weird because you're being weird. Like... Do you seriously think I'd date her? Are you fucking crazy? I could never - that'd be fucking awkward."

The silence that followed was enough to make her stomach drop. I could never. What was that even supposed to mean? She stares at Josh, lips downturned into a frown but he's only focused on Jake. He shakes his head as he stares at his brother, a laugh slipping past his lips.

"You’re out of your mind if you think I'd date her... out of all people."

Of all people. The way he says it, the sneer in his voice as if dating her was actually the worst possible thing to happen has her eyes burning with tears. Not once did she ever think twice of her and Josh's relationship and his feelings towards her, but the front he has on right now has her questioning everything. She crosses her arms over his chest and drops her gaze to her lap, sinking further into the couch.

All she wanted to do was hide.

"You've always been a terrible fucking liar, Josh."

If Jake didn't know they were dating before, he surely knew now. She sneaks a glance at him and watches his face drop in realization before going back to his stoic expression, lips pressed in a line. He meets her gaze and it softens for a split second, sorrow filling them before they harden, glaring over at Josh. He doesn't say anything else and turns to leave, muttering about how he won't be back tomorrow and to not wait up for him.

The door slams shut behind Jake and the two of them sit in silence, the only sound coming from the television. Her arms are pressed tightly against her chest, fingers digging into her arms to try and stop the tears that are threatening to spill. Surely he didn't mean any of that, right? If he had then why would he even be with her right now?

That still didn't stop the words from stinging.

"I think I'm gonna go home." Her voice shook as she finally spoke up, slowly pushing herself up off the couch. "Obviously you don't want to be seen with me."

"I didn't even say that, Y/N." Josh mumbled, a groan falling from his lips.

"You sure did make it seem like that," She twirls around to stare down at him, lips pressed in a line to stop the trembling. She wipes at her eyes, "You didn’t need to say any of that - all you had to say was No Jake, we’re not dating.”

He frowns. “You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Sure sounded like you did!” Her voice raises for a moment and she takes a deep breath, running her hands over her face. “I just don’t understand why it’s still such a big deal that Jake can’t know we’re together.”

Josh leans forward and rests his elbows against his leg, holding his head in his hands. "I'm not ready."

"Not ready?" A humorless laugh escapes her, arms moving at her sides. "Josh, it's been over four fucking months. How are you not ready yet?"

"You don't get it-"

"Oh, cut the bullshit, Josh.” She’s yelling again, tears burning at her eyes. “I don't understand how you can say you love me - god, you fucking slept with me - and then turn around and say you're not ready to tell fucking Jake. It's doesn't make any fucking sense!"

He stands up quickly and she has to take a step back, watching as he turns to face her. "I'm scared to tell him, okay?"

"Why are you scared, Josh? There's nothing to be scared of!"

“There’s everything to be scared of!” She tenses as Josh’s voice raises, her arms hugging close to her chest. "What happens if we break up? What happens if I hurt you? Y/N, they fucking adore you. They'd never let me live it down if I did anything to you... I'm just. I'm scared."

"This is hurting me!" The tears are falling now but she makes no effort in wiping them away, staring at him with wide eyes. "What you're doing right now hurts! What's the point in us being in a relationship if we can't tell anyone? I can't even tell my mom, Josh."

His face softens. "We'll tell them soon, I promise-"

"No.” She shakes her head. “No. I'm tired of waiting. I want to tell them now."

"Can we please wait until graduation? We'll tell them then."

"Graduation?” She says exasperatedly. “That’s another month away. You said we could tell them after our birthdays, it’s been over a week, and now you want to wait until graduation?”

"Please."

"No. Either we tell them now or..." She pauses, tongue licking across her bottom lip. "Or I'm done. I'm not hiding anymore."

Silence fills them after she utters those words. Josh’s face falls, lips turning into a frown and her stomach drops. She wants to take it back, she does, and her head is telling her to forget it and run into his arms but her heart… her heart is telling her otherwise. She loves him. She loves him so much that it hurts and sometimes she feels like she can’t breathe, the love she has for him overwhelming her. Josh is her best friend and has been since she was a child, but no matter what she feels for him and no matter what they’ve been through, she doesn’t think she can keep being a secret any longer.

It’s not fair, she thinks.

"You don't mean that." Josh says quietly. She notices the redness circling around his eyes and knows that he’s holding back tears, and her lips tremble as a few more of her own fall.

"Oh, the same way you didn't mean to say that you'd never date me? That you're embarrassed to even be with me?"

"I did not fucking say that I was embarrassed-“

"But you implied it! Out of all people? What the fuck does that even mean?”

"Stop!”

His voice cuts her off and she tenses again, taking a step back from him. This is the first time they’ve fought in the existence of their entire relationship, and she doesn’t count the petty arguments they would have as kids. This was serious. Tears are flowing, voices are raising, and she knows lines have been crossed. She’s hurt.

“We’re not doing this right now.” Josh wipes the wetness off his face before taking a step towards her, his frown deepening. “I don’t want to fight with you. Not like this. Let’s just - let’s take a breather, okay?”

He comes to stand in front of her, hands resting against her shoulders. She can’t help but lean forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder, out of reflex, and takes a few deep breaths. She didn’t realize just how worked up she had gotten - chest rising and falling rapidly as the anger overtook her.

“I’m just done hiding, Josh.” She sounds defeated, voice breaking off at the end as more tears fell. “I don’t want to be a secret anymore.”

“Please just give me until graduation.” Josh pleads, arms beginning to circle around her body. “We’ll tell everyone then. I just need time.”

“Time for what?” She pushes back against his chest and pulls herself out of his arms. “We’ve been together since December… it’s almost May. You’ve had enough time.”

“Y/N, please.”

“No.” Her head is shaking as she fully pulls herself away, face scrunching up in frustration. “I’m not doing that.”

“Listen, let’s talk about this in the morning. You’re upset, I’m upset, and we need to talk about this with a clear head-“

She cuts him off, “No. I don’t need to clear anything, I know what I want. I want to be able to come over and hang out with you and your family as your girlfriend. I want to go on stupid little dates with you in town and hold your stupid hand in public. I just… I just want people to know how much I love you. Why can’t I do that?”

Josh doesn’t respond. He presses his lips together to stop them from trembling and her arms come up to cross over her chest again, hugging herself protectively.

“I can’t do that. Not now.”

She thinks she hears her heart break right then and there, crackling throughout the living room and falling to the ground in a heap of shattered pieces. Her words get stuck in her throat and fresh tears are building up behind her eyes, threatening to fall at any second. He can’t do that? Or does he not want to do that? Her head is whirling with every single earth shattering thought she can come up with and she barely registers her feet moving, body operating on zombie mode as she reaches for her things and starts towards the door.

“Y/N,” Josh calls after her and she can hear his footsteps falling in line with hers. She has the door half open when she feels his hand circle around her wrist and she pulls back immediately, his touch burning her.

“You’re a fucking coward, Josh.” She spits out, turning around to face him. Her cheeks are wet with tears. “Call me whenever you’ve made up your mind, but just know I’m not waiting another fucking month.”

She doesn’t miss the heartbroken expression on Josh’s tear stained face and the quiet plead of her name, but turns around with her chin held high, slamming the door shut and leaving Josh behind her.

...

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

The last few days have been... awkward, more or less, between her and Josh. Since their argument the other night things haven't been exactly the same, but she just chalks it up to the both of them needing time. Things were said that shouldn’t have been said and even though she was hurt by Josh’s words, she knows he’s hurting too.

She still doesn't understand the big deal about it, on why it's not a good reason to let people know that they're dating and why he can’t let anyone know. It's not like she wants to broadcast it to the entire world. She just wants to be able to go to his house as his girlfriend and not have to sneak around his family. It's not fair to them - and to her.

She's propped up against her headboard, a book in hand, when she hears If Not For You blare throughout her room. She pushes herself up with a grunt and pads across her room, seeing Josh's name light up on her screen. Her stomach turns, not expecting a call seeing as she hasn't heard from him in almost 24 hours, and picks it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me." Josh says softly on the other end. She moves back towards her bed and sits down, her free hand playing with the strings of her hoodie.

"I know, I saw your name on the screen."

"Oh, yeah. Right."

Silence fills her ears and she frowns. Their phone calls have never been this awkward, even when they were younger, and her stomach churns with anxiety. Had their argument really been that bad that Josh doesn't know how to speak to her anymore?

"I think we need to talk." He says finally, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry." She blurts out before he can say anything else, frown deepening. "I mean, I'm not sorry for expressing my emotions but I am sorry for yelling. Yelling doesn’t fix anything, even if I was hurt.”

"I'm sorry too," He whispers and she can see the frown in his voice.

“And I don’t think you’re a coward,” She mumbles, head dipping down. “That was really mean of me to say.”

“You’re right, though. I am a coward and I’m sorry for everything I put you through. It won’t happen again.”

She stops playing with the strings of her hoodie, brows arching in uncertainty as her frown deepens.

"What do you mean?”

Josh pauses on the other end before sighing. "I don't think... we should keep seeing each other."

It feels as if the world comes to a halt. Her heart quickens beneath her chest and her words get stuck in her throat, the only sound being able to come out is the pathetic whine that seems to slip past her lips. He's breaking up with her.

"What?" She breathes down the phone.

"I just," Josh sighs. "We both have so much going on - me with the band, you with school, graduation. Then the possibility that you won't even stay in Michigan. It's just, it's all so stressful right now, Y/N. And I know how upset I made you the other night… I can’t forgive myself for that.”

"I made you upset too," She says shakily. "A relationship isn’t supposed to be easy all the time - arguing is normal. And you promised we’d work through all of that.”

"I know."

"You promised."

"I know.” He pauses again. "It's just - the other night, you know? When you got mad because I’m not ready -"

“To tell everyone about us?" She can't help but laugh, a painful sound, the tears threatening to spill from her eyes before realization hits her. "Wait... Are you seriously breaking up with me because you don't want to tell your fucking brother we're dating?"

"Y/N -"

"Are you fucking serious, Josh?" She feels wetness against her cheeks but doesn't wipe it away, anger bubbling inside of her. "You're that embarrassed to be with me that you can't even fucking tell Jake?"

"You know that's not true."

"It has to be true if you’d rather break up with me than tell anyone we’re dating." She laughs again but it's forced. "I'm only good enough to be seen as your friend but not your girlfriend, huh?”

"Okay, now you're putting words in my mouth." Josh grits out. "I never fucking said that, and you know it."

"It sure sounds like that to me."

There's a long silence on the other end, all she can hear is the sound of Josh's breathing on the other end. She wipes at her face, sniffling quietly.

"I’m just not ready." He says after a moment of silence. His voice was thick with emotion and she didn't miss the way his tone trembled. Her bottom lip quivers as fresh tears begin to pour out.

"What do you mean?"

She knows exactly what he means.

"I just," He sighs and she hears a sniffle, "I think maybe we jumped into this. We worked so well as friends that I thought it'd just be the same if we were actually together and I don't - I think I was wrong.”

There's a finality in his voice that brings another whine out of her, and it's heartbreaking, but she can't help it. It feels as if Josh reached into her chest and ripped her heart out himself, shredding into small, pitiful pieces. She tries to wipe away the fresh tears but they continue to fall.

"Are you really that embarrassed to be with me?" She asks, voice breaking at the end.

"No," She hears his voice break at the end and a few sniffles follow, and her heart twists even more. "God, no. It was never that, okay? I think it's just… something with me."

"Do you not love me anymore?" It's pathetic, it really, really is, but she can't stop herself from asking. The thought was already clawing at her mind, feeding into the terrible thoughts that were beginning to cloud her.

There was another long silence and she clenched her phone between her fingers. Josh sighs shakily on the other end. She brings a hand up to her mouth to try and muffle the sound that wants to escape - another whine, a sob, she doesn't know at this point.

"I'm sorry."

The sob she was trying to contain escaped after that, her hand pressing hard against her mouth to muffle it as much as she could. She can't even think straight, her head whirling with the terrible thoughts again and before she knows it she's hanging up on Josh. She lets her phone fall from her hands and tumble onto the floor, landing with a soft thud but she pays it no mind - she couldn't even if she wanted to.

Every emotion she has felt in the last few minutes of that call comes crashing onto her. Anger, confusion, complete and utter sadness, even a bit of nausea. Where did it all go wrong? They had been happy, at least to her knowledge. And yeah, that argument the other night was a lot but she didn't think it was enough for their relationship to end. She thought it was enough to change Josh’s mind and finally gain enough courage to tell his family about them.

Oh, how wrong she had been.

Another sob wracks through her body as she curls in on herself. She lets herself sit there, for how long she's not sure, and she cries. And cries and cries and cries until she can't anymore. Until her eyes are so swollen that they hurt to even blink. Until she's sick to her stomach and could throw up at any moment. She barely remembers hearing her phone going off during that time and looks down to see 15 missed calls and 20 missed texts from Josh.

A considerable amount of time has passed, an hour she thinks, and she stares down at her forgotten phone. Josh's name flashes across the screen one more time and she thinks she hears her heart shatter beneath her chest, but she sits and lets it ring. She waits a few moments after the ringing stopped before picking it up, reading over the texts Josh had sent.

Please pick up.

I'm so sorry.

Will you just hear me out for a second?

Please.

I'm sorry, Y/N.

She laughs, and it's a bitter one, before tossing her phone to the end of her bed. She goes through the motions like a zombie while getting herself ready for bed, changing out of her clothes, washing her face, brushing her teeth - wanting to keep some normalcy to this rather shit night - before crawling back into her bed and curling up under the covers.

She hears Josh's ringtone blare throughout her room and she brings the blankets up to cover her ears. She thought she had already cried it out, but new tears fell with ease. Her body shakes as another sob rolls through and the last thing she remembers is the sound of Josh calling yet again, his ringtone loud and clear.

"If not for you, my sky would fall. Rain would gather, too. Without your love I'd be nowhere at all. I'd be lost, if not for you."

...

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence

And it smells like me

You can't get rid of it

'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

It had been weeks since she last heard from Josh, or from anyone really. She's locked herself in her room most days, giving complete radio silence to anyone besides her mom. Doing anything is like a chore now and all she can do is go through the motions - wake up, go to school, come home, sleep. Something so simple like that is so overwhelming to her, most days crying herself to sleep from the exhaustion. She feels as if she's drowning, like she's short of breath and trying to make it back to the surface and right when she gets there she just sinks further and further down.

It only took her mom a few days to realize something was up, not used to having her home at all times; she was usually with Josh. Whether it be at the Kiszka's house or her own, Josh was glued to her side and had been for years, so her mom knew something had happened when they were going on Day 3 of No Josh.

It happened over dinner - confessing to her mother why she and Josh were no longer speaking and that it wasn't just a friend thing, they were actually together and had been for months. Her mother was surprised, more so about Josh breaking up with her and going completely off the radar. She always expected her and Josh would end up together, so that wasn’t much of a surprise. Many tears were shed and she let her mother hold her that night on the couch, rocking her back and forth as she whispered in her ear that everything was going to be okay.

She felt far from it.

Her thoughts are cut off by the sound of someone knocking and she groans, pushing herself up off the couch. She trudges towards the door and looks through the peephole to see who it might be, seeing as she was home alone for the night, and her breath hitches as she sees both Sam and Ronnie on her steps. Sam holds a box in his hands and her heart drops, but laughs it off bitterly.

He couldn't even bring me back my things himself, she thinks before she opens the door and pokes her head around the corner.

"Hey." She says quietly. Sam eyes her suspiciously while Ronnie gives her a frown, immediately pushing her way through the door.

"Where have you been?" Was the first thing Ronnie said to her, staring at her hard.

Her fingers grip the doorknob she's holding onto as she stares in between the two youngest Kiszka's, lips pressing together.

"Here."

Ronnie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I could've fucking guessed that. Here, how about this - why the hell have you been ignoring me?"

"And me." Sam speaks up. "If Josh did something, fine, but that doesn't give you the excuse to shut all of us out. I thought we were closer than that."

She glances over at him and frowns. His expression is nothing short of a kicked puppy and her stomach turns. She'd grown up with all of Josh’s siblings and being away from any of them was hard for her, but being around them was too much. So maybe she had went a bit MIA on the youngest Kiszka’s, but she meant no malice behind it.

"Yeah, that's not fair. Especially because I have no idea what's even going on!" Ronnie's arms fling about in the space around her before she points to the box in Sam's hands. "All he said was to bring this to you and then shut the door in my face."

"It was rude." Sam butts in, brows furrowing. Ronnie nods.

"Extremely rude." With her hands on her hips, she turns back around to stare at her, giving her a pointed look but voice softening. "You have to tell us what's going on. You're like... a walking corpse at school. I'm worried about you - we're all worried about you."

Ronnie's voice breaking at the end was enough for tears to burn at her eyes and she slowly shuts the door, leaning her forehead against it.

"We broke up."

It's as if time stood still once those words left her mouth. She doesn't bother looking up for their reactions, already knowing what they both would look like. Sam's eyes would be wide in shock and she's guessing from the gasp Ronnie let out, her mouth was hanging open, and those same brown eyes wide.

"What?" Sam speaks up first, the shock evident in his voice.

"What do you mean by broke up?"

"Meaning that we were together and then he broke up with me." She mumbles as she turns around and reaches up to wipe at her eyes, sniffling quietly.

“Holy shit.” Sam says.

“Yeah, holy shit. Why didn’t you bother telling any of us?” Ronnie asks, arms crossing over her chest.

All she can do is huff out a bitter laugh. “Ask your brother about that one because I’m still not sure.”

She finally looks up at the two to find Ronnie staring right at her, expression mixed with anger, hurt, and pity. She has to swallow down the pit that was beginning to form in the back of her throat.

“Explain. Now.”

They've moved to the living room, Sam placing the box of her things on the floor. She's curled up with her knees up to her chest at one end of the couch while Ronnie sits at the other end, her mouth formed in a permanent frown. They’re both staring at her expectedly and she rests her chin against her knees, and she lets it all out.

She tells them everything. From when she knew her feelings for Josh were no longer just friendly in middle school up until their last phone call. All the good, all the bad, and the in between. Their first kiss, the first time they said I love you - she didn’t miss a single detail. She starts crying halfway through, the memories of the beginning of their relationship clouding her head that she doesn’t remember how Sam ended up on the couch beside her, pulling her into his arms. Ronnie scoots closer to them, her own arms wrapping around her. She lets them hold her as the pent up frustration and sadness inside of her is released, quietly sobbing into Sam’s shoulder.

They stay like that for what feels like hours and she thinks she’s cried herself out. She reaches up to wipe the heaviness out of her eyes, feeling as if they’re about to fall out at any moment, and Sam squeezes her side gently.

“Do you want us to stay?” He asks softly. She feels Ronnie smoothing down her hair beside her, leaning into her touch.

“I can order some pizza and we can watch a movie? Whatever you want.” Ronnie mumbles quietly.

She shakes her head as a wet laugh leaves her, sniffling softly, “Is it selfish of me to say I want to be alone? I think I just want to sleep.”

She pulls back from Sam to look in between the both of them, watching as they both wore the same frown. Sam’s grip on her tightens.

“Are you sure?” He says apprehensively, frowning deeply. “You’ve been alone for weeks.”

She shrugs. “At first it really sucked, but it’s gotten better… I’m learning to be without Josh. I realized how attached I was to him, and how not healthy that was. I think I need to learn to be alone and like it.”

She pulls away from the both of them and climbs off the couch, stretching out her limbs. It’s gotten dark outside - they’d been sitting there for a few hours then. Both Ronnie and Sam get up and mimic her, stretching out their stiff limbs.

“If you need anything tell us, okay?” Ronnie says as they make their way to the door. She gives her a small nod and Sam stops in front of her, eyes squinting. She has to look up at him now, the youngest Kiszka growing taller as each day passes. Sam pulls her into his arms again, hugging her tightly to his chest.

“You’re not allowed to shut us out again, you hear me?” He says into her hair before pulling back.

She can’t reply, her throat tightening around her words so she opts for a nod instead, hugging herself to his body again. She feels Sam brush his lips against her forehead before pulling away fully, giving her a gentle smile. She tries to give him one back, but it falls through, and her stomach turns at the pitiful look he gives her. She’s quick to usher them out the door, not wanting for them to see her cry again, and lets them know she’ll call them first thing in the morning.

She makes her way back into the living room and sits down on the floor in front of the box of things they had left behind. She reaches inside and pulls out the folded shirts she had left at Josh’s throughout the years and lets out a huff of air, holding one of the shirts up. Her heart drops when she realizes that it’s not even her shirt, but one of Josh’s old school shirts, but he had always joked around that she wore it more than him.

Fresh tears form in her eyes as she continues to go through the pile of clothes before they’re all laying around her in a heap. There were things she had remembered she left and things she hadn’t even thought about in months and she wishes he had found the scarf she lost a few months ago, the one Josh had gotten her for Christmas a few years prior. It was her favorite and she had been distraught in losing it. Josh promised to get her a new one if he ever found it again.

He never did. His promises seemed to always fall through.

It was all becoming too much. It was all becoming too real. If the radio silence wasn’t enough of a message from Josh, this was definitely the tipping point.

It was over.

With a heavy sigh she gathers the clothing pile up and throws it back into the box, gently picking it up and carrying it up to her room. She doesn’t bother putting them away, instead keeps the box in the corner of room. She’ll get to that another day. For now, she climbs into her bed and curls up under her covers, finally letting her exhaustion take over.

(And what she doesn’t know is that tucked away in the darkest corner of Josh’s closest is that very same scarf she had lost. He had found it while cleaning out his room in search of her things, wanting to get rid of anything that would remind him of her. When he stumbled across the scarf he couldn’t seem to part with it. It reminded him of a time when she was at her happiest, the bright smile on her face clouding his mind. He wants to remember her like that, happy, and not how he left her - heartbroken with a tear stained face.)

...

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

7 Years Later

"Are you sure this is okay?"

She was nervous - no, scratch that - she was scared shitless. It had been years since she had last seen Josh, literally since graduation, and she wasn't completely sure why she had even agreed to come tonight anyways.

Maybe it was the countless phone calls from Ronnie practically begging her to come, or maybe there was a small part of her that actually wanted to see him again. Or maybe she was insane and loved inflicting pain onto herself. At this point, she doesn't know.

Ronnie rolls her eyes. "Y/N, if it wasn't okay I wouldn't have invited you."

She frowns. "I know, but -"

"Calm down." Ronnie turns to face her now, placing both hands on her shoulders. "You had fun tonight, right?"

She stares at her with wide eyes before nodding slowly. Ronnie had called her about a month ago letting her know that the boys would be in Los Angeles this weekend for a show and insisted that she come. Her and Ronnie kept in touch throughout the years, and she's kept in touch with both Sam and Danny. Jake was... here and there, she'd say. They were close when they were younger but when her and Josh "drifted apart", as she put it, so did her and Jake.

And she did have fun. She'd been to a few band practices with the boys in high school but it was nothing at this level. It was an entirely different from watching them play in their garage - she felt as if she was having an out of body experience from how incredible it was. They were so talented, and always had been. She kept up to date on Greta Van Fleet because of Ronnie and their parents, watching from afar, and she knew they had something special. She remembers the night they had won their Grammy and she Facetimed Sam immediately, screaming a congratulations down the phone before he had even fully appeared on screen.

That was the first time she had seen Josh, albeit not in person, since graduation. All the boys were huddled together around Sam's phone and she froze up immediately. He looked different, but still all the same. It was a weird feeling seeing him again - she remembers the way her heart dropped once their eyes met through the camera. They all thanked her, even Josh, and she gave them all a weak smile and another string of congratulations before hanging up. That was the last time she'd spoken to Josh since... well, since forever.

"Of course," She said softly. "This has been the most fun I've had in awhile."

Ronnie smiles at her, the memories from the night flooding her mind. They stayed in the back, hopefully far enough to where no one would notice her, and just danced and sang the night away. A few fans came up to them during the show, recognizing Ronnie, and some even recognized her from old high school photos. That was a bit odd, random strangers recognizing her from photos that she probably hadn't seen in years, but they had been incredibly kind.

"And you didn't freak out when you saw him, right?"

She wouldn't call it a freak out, but she did freeze up when he came out on stage. He's much different than he was in high school, more grown up, more sure of himself. The moment he smiled to the crowd and the venue erupted into screams, her stomach did that stupid little fluttery thing, and she knew those feelings that she had all those years ago were still locked up somewhere inside. Though, instead of freaking out and running away like she thought she would, she smiled and let the music take her away.

"Not entirely."

Ronnie laughs. "That's good enough for me."

"But this is different. I didn't freak out because I wasn't face to face with him but in there," She waves her arms towards the dressing room door they were about to walk through, face scrunching up in slight panic, "I'm going to be in front of someone I haven't seen since fucking high school, Ron."

"You've seen the other three plenty of times since then."

She rolls her eyes. "I didn't date them. And they all had the audacity to reach out to me throughout the years, Josh hasn't said a single word since 2014."

Ronnie gives her a pointed look. "Please tell me every single time you reached out to him since graduation."

She huffs but doesn’t respond, crossing her arms over her chest. Goddammit.

Ronnie pushes her towards the door, keeping her hands on her shoulders. "Listen, it'll be like old times! We all haven't hung out together in so long, Y/N. And you know I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t think you were ready. It’ll be nice."

They come to stop at the door and Ronnie faces her again, giving her a smile. She tries to act mad, glaring at the girl and trying to repress the smile that's threatening to spread across her lips. She fails but can you blame her? It's hard to stay mad when it comes to Ronnie.

"It might be a little fun," She mumbles eventually, shrugging her shoulders. Ronnie's smile grows.

"See! That's the spirit." She reaches for the door knob and twists it before looking at her from over her shoulder. "Oh, and before we go in... only Sam, Danny, and Jake know you're here."

Her eyes widened in surprise at Ronnie's words and all the worries she once had came rushing back to her, shaking her head from side to side. Her mouth opens to yell at the girl but Ronnie's opening the door and shoving her inside with such force she stumbles into the room, catching herself on the vanity near the wall.

"Surprise!" Ronnie shouts from behind her as the door shuts, throwing her arms in the air.

She looks up to find four boys staring at her but only one of them looks shocked, and of course it's Josh. His shock then turns into something else, something she can't read, and her heart twists beneath her chest. She swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in her throat, smoothing her hands down on her jacket. Why did she wear this? And when did it get so hot in here?

"Y/N!" Sam yells as he makes his way across the room, wrapping his arms around her. He picks her up off the ground and twirls her, a soft squeak escaping from her lips at the sudden movement.

"Sammy!" She shouts back, but her voice is not as strong as his was. She musters up a smile but she's sure it's awkward. He doesn't notice, or he doesn't care, because he's beaming at her while placing her back onto the ground.

He looks so much older now, a bit of stubble has grown on his chin and he cut his hair since the last time she saw him. She can't help but reach out and tug at the ends gently. Danny's the next one to come up to her, pulling her into a bone crushing hug.

"It's been too long." He says, pulling back to give her a smile. She laughs.

"It hasn't even been a year," She says. Which is true. The last she had seen Danny was over Christmas a few months ago when she had come back home for a week to spend with her Mom and she had spent the day with him and his girlfriend.

"Like I said, too long."

"Alright, alright. My turn, get away from her." Jake says from beside her and she jumps, not even noticing him coming up to her side. She's pulled from Danny's arms and into Jake's chest and she relaxes immediately, melting into his touch.

Besides Josh and eventually Ronnie, Jake had been the closest to her. They'd stay up all night talking whenever she'd come over and they both couldn't sleep, sitting outside on the Kiszka's porch until morning. When her and Josh broke up and the group found out about it, about their secret relationship, Jake had been one of the first to drift from her. It was hard, losing Josh and then Jake, and it wasn't because he was taking his brother's side or anything - he felt betrayed. The fact she nor Josh told him about their relationship hurt him. She never blamed him for it because she understood.

It wasn't until last year when she had seen or even spoken to Jake again, the boy coming to her mothers house out of the blue one day when she was back home for a short visit. It came as a shock to her but she invited him in immediately, apologizing profusely for what had happened years prior. He apologized as well, even apologizing for never reaching out until then.

"Missed you," He said into her hair, sneaking a kiss to her head without the others knowing. She smiled into his chest.

"Missed you too, Jake."

They pull away from each other after a moment and the only person left is Josh who's still staring at her with that same unreadable expression. Someone clears their throat, probably Sam, and she feels hot again, wanting nothing more than to get rid of the stupid jacket that Ronnie told her to wear and to run out of the room. She unwraps her arms from Jake's waist and brings a hand up to wave at Josh, giving him a closed mouth smile.

"Hi."

His gaze drops to her hand and then back to her face, a strained smile forming on his lips.

"Hi Y/N."

Everyone's eyes are on them and she can just feel how awkward the air is. The tension was almost overbearing. It's embarrassing, really, and she clears her throat before averting her gaze from Josh's towards Sam, who's clapping his hands together.

"I don't know what that was," He starts, "but it was fucking weird. Don't ever do that again."

Both her and Josh let out surprised laughs, a bit forced, and Sam gives them a crooked smile.

"We don't have to be out of here for another hour, I think." Sam says as he sits down on one of the couches in the middle of the room, patting the spot next to him. "Please indulge me on all things Y/N that I may have missed since the last I saw you."

"Me too." Jake nods, sitting on the other end of the couch Sam occupied, making room for her in the middle.

"Nothing's really changed since the last time we spoke." She says with a shrug of her shoulders before plopping down next to the two brothers. She watches as both Danny and Ronnie take their places on the couch across from them and Josh opts for sitting on the armrest next to Danny, arms crossed over his chest.

They fall into easy conversation after that, laughing together like it was old times. It's crazy to think the last time they all sat around like this was over seven years ago - back when her and Josh were okay. It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago.

Her eyes flicker towards him to see that he's staring down at Danny, listening intently to what he's saying with a smile on his face. Her heart flutters, hands clenching in her lap because it's been so long since she's seen his smile - a genuine one at that. She's seen photos online and from Ronnie, but seeing it infront of her after all these years is enough to take her breath away.

And it's pathetic, really it is, to yearn for a time when they were children but it's hard not to. His smile takes her back to a time where she hadn't had a single worry about the world and was happy with Josh by her side. It was simpler then - but they're adults now. Things are different.

It took her a long time to come to terms with the fact that her relationship with Josh, and even Jake, would never be the same. Her happiness dwindled, it came in waves, crashing into her with such intensity that once the moment left, it was like she had to start all over again. She had been glued to the Kiszka's at such a young age, losing the twins was like losing herself. She had to adapt, be her own person, and even though the road getting there was long and winding, she's finally at a spot in her life where she can confidently say everything will be okay.

Maybe her mom had been right.

The thought makes her smile to herself and Josh glances at her at the exact moment. They stare for a moment and she watches as the corners of his lips twitch into a wider smile before focusing back on Danny.

The hour passes by much too quickly for her liking and they're all packing up and moving out of the room, and Jake's arm wrapping around her shoulder to tug her close.

"We'll be in town for a few more days, we should get together again." He says, lips brushing against the side of her head. She leans into him, eyes fluttering shut before giving him a nod.

"Of course," She says softly and smiles up at him, before turning to look at the rest of the group. Her eyes stop on Josh and she gives him a timid smile, "You're all welcome to come by my place any time while you’re here, we could have dinner or something."

Josh mimics her grin and stuffs his hands into his pockets, tilting his head to the side. "That sounds nice."

"It speaks!" Sam shouts from behind them. Josh rolls his eyes at his younger brothers words and she has to press her lips together to suppress the smile threatening to form.

The tension in the air had subdued and even though she knew things were far from perfect, it was still nice to be around Josh and not feel so... tight. Feel as if she can't step out of place in fear of making him upset or worse, making herself upset and a fight between them breaking out. The night went better than she, and everyone for that matter, had expected.

"Actually, do you have a minute to talk? Alone?" Josh asked, voice low. Everyone still heard him but turned around and acted as if they heard nothing at all, starting up conversations between themselves. She chooses to ignore the knowing smirk Ronnie gives her and nodding at Josh.

"Um... Of course, yeah."

The timid smile Josh gives her was enough to make her stomach flutter and a comforting kind of warmth spread across her body, following Josh down the hall and away from their group

"It was..." He pauses, licking at his lips. "It was really nice to see you."

Her stomach flutters at his words but she tries to remain neutral, arms crossing over her chest.

"It was nice seeing you too," She says earnestly, giving him a small smile. "I won't lie, I was nervous as all hell to come tonight. I didn't know what Ronnie was planning."

"You never know with her." He chuckles at that. "I had no clue you were here until you stepped into the room. Jake said he had a surprise for me but I wasn't... expecting you."

Silence overlaps them and she stares down at her shoes, unsure of what to say. It was weird, standing so close to someone she used to know inside and out and not knowing them at all. The Josh she knew is different from the Josh in front of her, this one being a stranger.

"I'm sorry for never reaching out." He finally says. She lifts her head up to find him staring at her, regret apparent in his eyes.

She frowns. "I'm sorry too."

He laughs, but it's painful, and he rubs at his neck nervously. "Jake always said we were the two most stubborn people he's ever met."

She watches him carefully but doesn’t say a word, pressing her lips together. Jake wasn’t wrong - the two of them were stubborn. Josh may say Jake was more stubborn than him, but she knew he was the worst out of the two.

“Why didn’t you?” She asks after a few moments of silence.

Josh leans back against the wall across from her and crosses his arms over his chest. “I was scared.”

“Why?”

“I hurt the one person I never wanted to,” He says softly, eyes meeting hers, “because I was too worried about what people would think.”

She scoffs. “Oh, so you were embarrassed to be with me?”

“Y/N.” He groans, tipping his head back to thud gently against the wall. “You always know how to twist my words.”

“You said you were worried about what people would think. How else am I supposed to take that?”

“I was scared what people would think because I knew you were too good for me. Everyone thought so.” He tips his head forward to look at her again, lips in a frown. “And I was stupid. I let them get to my head.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” She says quietly, “but you’re not stupid. I just - I wish you would’ve talked to me.”

“I know. I wish I did too.” A beat of silence overlaps them again before Josh continues, “If I could take it back, I would.”

Her heart beats rapidly beneath her chest at his words, face flushing with color.

“That was years ago, Josh.”

He gives her a smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes, and her heart drops. The look in his eyes spoke a thousand words and it was heartbreaking.

“Before anything you were best friend.” He spoke softly and this time his smile does meet his eyes, though still a bit sad. “My other half. And I ruined that because I was a stupid kid. Losing you was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. So… yeah, I’d take it back in a heartbeat.”

Her heart drops. My other half. Her eyes burn with tears at his words and she looks off to the side, but she knows he noticed. Seven years of radio silence, seven years of nothing, seven years of coming to terms with what happened for it to come to this. On one hand it’s a relief to know that even after all these years Josh regretted it but on the other hand… she wished he hadn’t said anything at all.

“Josh…”

“This isn’t me asking you for anything.” He takes a step towards her, arms coming to rest at his sides. “I just - I never got to apologize. I owe you that much, and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness right now but I hope one day I’ll be deserving of it.”

He’s in front of her now, just barely out of arms length. Their eyes meet and for a second the world stops - they aren’t standing in a random hallway with their friends and family a few feet away but instead they’re back inside of Josh’s car, John Denver playing over the speakers as they take on another adventure.

“I forgave you a long time ago.” Her voice is barely above a whisper and her heart stumbles at the small smile Josh gives her.

“Well, isn’t this just my lucky day?”

She can’t help but smile back, laughter falling from her lips with ease.

They stand there for a few moments, just staring at each other, before Josh finally takes a step back, and wordlessly tilts his head down the hall to insinuate that they should head back to the band and Ronnie.

"Do you think we could meet tomorrow? Maybe get lunch, or something. Catch up on the years we’ve missed.” They're walking back towards the group now, side by side, and she has to hide the wide smile that's beginning to form on her lips.

"I think I'd like that."

The beaming smile Josh gave her was enough to let her own slip, cheeks beginning to hurt just from how hard she was smiling. She still wasn't sure what this would entail and where they even stood, but she knew that in the end, whatever happened, everything would be okay eventually.

taglist (forgot to add this lol)

@danny-wagners-peacesign-necklace

#josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka #gvf #greta van fleet #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet imagines #title from taylor swifts all too well taylors version 10 min version as well ugh #this song makes me emotional lol #my writing #josh kiszka imagine

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tom-whore-dleston · 3 years

Text

Use Your Tongue Wisely

Pairing: Tom Holland x fem!reader

Genre: smut

*18+ only; please do not consume if you are younger than 18 years old*

Warnings: slight dubcon, slight CNC, cheating, oral sex (f receiving), spitting kink, fuckboy!Tom if you squint, aftercare, implied round 2

*Please note that you are responsible for your own media consumption. If any of these warnings trigger you or make you uncomfortable, please do not read!*

Summary: Tom Holland is your boyfriend’s best friend who needs advice and you willingly accept the offer, along with the consequences.

Word Count: 1.5k

Notes: I originally wrote this thinking it was going to be a self-indulgent fic that won't see the light of day. But I ended up liking it so here we are now lol. As mentioned in the warnings, there are some darkish elements included in this fic! Please take caution before you proceed with reading! I even color-coded the section with dark themes in 'red' in case you prefer to skip over that part. A big thank you to @sparkledfirecracker and @give-me-a-moose for beta reading! Both of your suggestions and support mean the world to me (*^‿^*) I created the graphic, but I do not own the photos included.

You didn't just believe what you were doing was wrong. You knew it was wrong. Yet, you found yourself sprawled on the couch of the living room, with Tom Holland, your boyfriend’s best friend, in between your legs.

After Harrison kissed you goodbye for work, Tom had called you that morning to ask you about dating advice. In fact, you couldn't even call it dating advice; it was more like sex advice. You were surprised that he didn’t reach out to Harrison first, but after he explained how he needed a girl’s opinion, you willingly agreed to help him. Tom arrived within the hour and you led him to the couch where you would both talk.

Despite being in a happy and healthy relationship with Harrison, you admittedly had thoughts about Tom. Before the situation you currently ended up in, you never acted on them, but the thought of sleeping with Tom made you curious. However, those fantasies started to vacate your head space when Tom started going out with this one girl he met through another mutual friend. The green monster inside of you was unleashed and you tried to suppress it through more dates and rougher sex with Harrison. You were able to forget about Tom in the moment, but your mind crawled back to him the moment your boyfriend would pass out in exhaustion.

Once you and Tom were situated, he asked you to explain how to eat pussy since he will be going on another date later that night. For a while, you were able to describe it to him the best you could. All of that changed when Tom started inching closer to you, making you clench your legs together in excitement. You tried your hardest to ignore his hard on while you talked, but he cut you off midconversation to grab your hand and press it against his hardness. You wanted to pull your hand away, but the way his cock pulsed inside his jeans made you more hungry and curious for a feel.

“My dear, as much as I enjoy hearing you talk, I’d rather skip to the action,” Tom hinted with a wink. You finally drew your hand away from his lap, disgust plastered on your face.

“Excuse me?” You scoffed with your eyebrows knit together. “You are soooo crossing the line, Thomas! Besides, you asked for my help and I am doing exactly that!”

“Oh, don’t bullshit me! You may be wrapped around Harrison like a nice little bow, but I still see the way you look at me. I know you secretly want me, dear, and I want you too.”

“What about-”

“Don’t worry, that girl will never find out. We’ll go on our date, I’ll show her what you taught me, and the rest will write itself. As for Haz, he doesn’t need to know about any of this. In fact, he won’t know at all, right?” You were perplexed by the words he was saying. Were you really about to entangle yourself with the best friend of the man you loved? Before your mind could wander further, Tom cleared his throat waiting for your response. You sighed and nodded, causing Tom to grin wickedly.

“Good girl. Now, open your legs so I can practice what you taught me.”

Without further thought, you did what he asked as he situated himself in between your legs. Tom placed both of his hands on your thighs, trailing them up to your hot core. The heel of his palm rubbed up your slit, causing you to bite your lip.

“So obedient,” he commented, “are you this obedient with Haz hmm?” You could only muster up a whimper. He seemed to be satisfied with your response as he yanked your leggings off along with your panties. You revealed your glistening slit to your boyfriend’s best friend and he gulped hard enough for you to hear. Tom’s slim finger gathered your wetness together and he stuck it into his mouth, experimenting with your taste.

Your pussy throbbed as Tom smirked while licking your slickness off of his finger. You tried to relieve the tension growing inside you, but the minute Tom saw your hand reach down, his eyes grew dark. He swatted your hand away and pushed your legs open until your thighs were pressed against the cushions. Your legs cramped while being stretched past your limit, but the pain was immediately replaced with arousal the closer his face got to where you desperately wanted it.

Tom grunted, “As long as I am in between your legs, only I get to touch you.” Before you could process what he said, Tom’s tongue began attacking your pussy. You choked on a moan as he lazily lapped at your opening. For someone who has never eaten pussy, Tom surprisingly was not bad. You silently praised yourself for allowing yourself to help him in this time of need. He lifted his head, inhaling a breath of fresh air, studying your stunned expression.

“Am I doing okay?” Tom asked, reverting back to his shy demeanor. You couldn’t help but giggle at this shift in behavior. He was awfully cute by the way his brown eyes sparkled and his cheeks flushed from such an intimate act.

“Flick your tongue faster along the folds,” you asserted, “and don’t be afraid to use your lips.” Tom blushed with a bashful smile and continued to work his tongue over your entrance. He took your advice, dead set on pleasing you the same way he planned to please his partner later that night. Your heart sunk to your stomach thinking about how he was going to leave after making you cum only to make the next girl cum the same way you did. Those thoughts were ripped from your head space when Tom began gingerly sucking at your labia.

“Ohh, fuck, Tom, yesss!” You screamed, clutching onto his curly hair. You tugged on his hair, making him peer up past his eyelashes to gaze into yours. He moaned with your folds in between his puckered lips, sending vibrations from your pussy all the way up to the top of your spine.

“You like this baby girl? Is it good?” Tom drew figure eights into your pussy with the tip of his tongue. The pit of your stomach churned inside of you, indicating you were about to cum.

“Yes, s-so good. You’re so good. Don’t stop, Tom, p-please!” Your wails of pleasure egged Tom to lick and suck you to your release. You were so lost in the stimulation that you didn’t realize you were aggressively pulling him closer to your pussy by his delicate hair. Luckily, Tom didn’t mind, because he growled against you before spreading your legs further apart until your ass was lifted off the couch. It may have been an uncomfortable position to be in, but you could only focus on how hot it was being this exposed to Tom.

“Oh, baby, you taste too good for me to stop,” Tom muttered against your thigh before diving back into your pussy. His fingers dug into your thighs as he swirled his tongue around your swollen bud.

“Tom, please, I wanna cum!” You whined. “Please, make me cum!” Tom chuckled, his lips still latched around your button.

“I’ll make you cum, alright. Better than Haz ever has, that’s for fucking sure.” With that, Tom’s saliva dripped from his mouth onto your sensitive hole. He licked it back up and engulfed his lips around your throbbing clit. This time, he showed no mercy by sucking more vigorously and digging his strong hands into your thighs. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your body crunched towards your center as that pit in your stomach burst like a supernova of carnal bliss. Tom gave a few kitten licks before releasing you from his moist mouth.

“You okay, baby girl?” Tom inquired with a sweet smile. You nodded and half smiled in exhaustion. He gently helped bring your legs down from his iron grip, causing you to wince from the sting in your muscles. He soothed you by massaging your legs and kissing the parts of your skin he dug into. A few minutes later, Tom’s phone buzzed from the coffee table. Picking it up, he stared down at the screen with a poker face.

“Fuck it,” he mumbled before typing a quick message and sending it. He tossed his phone to the floor and joined you on the couch.

“What was that about?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I canceled that date. I am afraid you have ruined me, my dear.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, after getting a nice taste of you, I realized I don’t want to be doing this with anyone else. I mean I have always secretly wanted you, but Harrison is my best mate and he loves you.” He paused for a bit, allowing you to process his train of thought with him. “Is it wrong that I am thinking of your taste and how badly I want it again?” You felt butterflies in between your legs again and the corner of your mouth curved into a smirk.

“Not as wrong as how badly I want you to devour me and prove I’m the only girl you want.” Your words were enough encouragement for Tom to sink back down between your legs and prove you really were all he wanted.

*Thanks for reading :) Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. Your responses are what keep me motivated to write. However, please do not repost or translate my work anywhere.*

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fic #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland x you #tom holland one shot #smut #fem!reader #reader insert #no y/n

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hoodieofholland · 3 years

Note

hey love. I’m obsessed with mob!tom - could you write something where mob Tom and the reader have a really big fight and Tom says something that was really mean and reader storms out and doesn’t come back until late and night and Tom is super worried :) at the beginning angst and at the end fluff.

I actually asked other writers too to write this a while ago but nobody does it and I found your account now and I’m so in love with your writing you are super talented <3

Sorry if my English is not really good- it’s not my first language

A/n: dear anon, you were reading my mind! I was actually procrastinating with a draft of some angst with mob!tom for a while, and you just motivated me to write it again hahah im obsessed with mob!tom too btw, no shame on this lol. Thanks for requesting, hope you like it!

Masterlist Request/tell me your thoughts on this

Warnings bellow the cut!

Warnings: angst, language, mention of gun.

You throw your purse over the table as you storm inside the house, walking up to your room with a stern face, straightened back and confident steps, without saying a word. Tom watched you from behind, sighing as he knew what was about to come - you were pissed.

He followed you slowly, not wanting to hurry the fight that was about to come. He knew pretty well what he has done tonight, but wasn’t planning on apologize, as he was also sure he wasn’t wrong about it.

By the time he reached the main room, you were already in the closet, taking off your jewels and putting them inside their boxes. “Baby”, he called you, but you didn’t raise your head.

Your gesturing was obviously stating your humor - or the lack of it. You wasn’t being so careful with the expensive belongings, as you always made sure to be.

“Baby”, Tom tried again, sighing this time, “Can you at least tell me what the hell did I do?”

That was the breakpoint. You lifted your head to look at him sternly. “Seriously? You gonna really act like you don’t know?”

He snorts, running a hand through his brown curls. “I mean, I know. I just don’t get why you’re so upset about it”

You laugh humorless. “I’m upset ‘cause you fucking treated me like a doll, Tom. That’s why I’m upset about it!”

“What?”, he snapped, narrowing his eyes. “What the fuck, I just told that asshole of a waiter to get his shit together instead of eye-fucking you. For God’s sake, what’s wrong with that?”

"Well, maybe the fact that you made a scene in front of the manager because you were jealous?" You shout, shaking your hands. "Should I tell you the obvious fact that this man is probably fired now because of your speech?".

Tom was growing mad. He couldn't believe you were defending the guy who was flirting with you the whole dinner.

Turns out that what was supposed to be a calm and relaxing dinner quickly became something distasteful, as Tom took notice of the waiter that was serving your table that night looking at you with a dumb smile on his face the entire time. He could even see the guy talking to some other workers about you, staring at you like you were some kind of meal. So Tom did what he thought was right - he made it very clear that you were his girl and a employee shouldn't be looking at you like that.

"I don't give a single fuck if he's unemployed right now. He should take this as a lesson to not disrespect you or any other woman in his workplace", Tom said, undoing his tie and throwing it in anywhere in the wardrobe. He was tired and pissed with the whole situation - and, more important, with you, for making a big deal out of it.

"Disrespect me, or disrespect you, Tom?", you snap, eyes wide with anger. "Cause it didn't look like you were worried about me. Cause all I wanted was a peaceful dinner with my boyfriend, who actually never seems to be available to me, and you made it pretty hard for me to enjoy, just because you were mad for a guy possibly be flirting with your girl! Like I fucking belonged to you!"

"Oh, fuck off, y/n", he hissed, walking past the closet's door and going straight to the bathroom. "It's obvious I'd be pissed for the it too. You're my girl, and I don't think it's nice if other man look at you like that! Don't act like you've never done it too".

You followed him, yelling next. "Shit, you're unbelievable! What is it? Nobody can look at Tom Holland's girl? Because you're the great motherfucker mobster and I'm your fucking prize?"

Tom turned his body to glance at you again. He pointed a finger at you, eyes serious and penetrating. "I've never said it. That's not how I see this".

"Oh, really? So you care to explain me why do you keep doing that? We barely spend time together now, Tom, and when we finally get to have a nice night out, you make sure to state that I'm yours and that no other man can lay an eye on me", you sniff, unable to keep the cracked voice from coming out and show how upset you felt about it. "I don't like to feel that I'm waiting for you like a goddamn doll, Tom".

"Well, darling, I'm sorry if I'm not being enough, but that's how real world works", his voice is cold and he is avoiding looking into your eyes, his jaw clenched in a way that make it clear that he's not satisfied with the conversation's rumor. "I made it pretty clear when we first met that my job doesn't allow me to be here the entire time, so what the fuck do you expect me to do? Or do you think that this nice house and the maids, and all the fucking jewels I give you come for free? Tell me, y/n, what the hell you want from me?"

You watch his usually soft features whenever you were around turning into the one he used with his men. The veins in his neck visible, his pupils huge and thin lips trembling with anger. Tom has never spoken to you that way, and you could feel the pressure on your chest with the pain from his harsh words.

A couple of tears rolled down your cheeks and you were quick to rub them away with the back of your hand. Noticing the way you pressed your lips together lightly, Tom's face softened and he realized his posture and tone.

"I don't- I don't know, Tom", you say in a low, croaky voice. "Think I just wanted us to be a couple. I'm truly sorry if that's too much to ask you for".

His heart pained at your words and he took a few steps in your direction. "Darling, no, that's not what I-"

You stopped him, putting your arm in front of you and shaking your head. "No, that's exactly what you wanted to say. I don't know what I had in mind when we started dating, nor what I was thinking when I agreed to move in here, but I don't want to be between you and your job anymore".

He stared at you, unaware of what you were about to do, thinking about what to say. He didn't want to fight with you like that, but didn't want you to think that what you've said is true neither.

You walked past him and straight to the closet again, picking up your suitcase and grabbing a few clothes from the wardrobe. Tom watched you for a few seconds, startled, and then started to panic.

"What are you doing?"

You ignored him, trying to think what you'd possibly need to get to stay out tonight. You could get the rest of your things later, but right now you just wanted to get out of that house.

"Y/n, love, what are you doing?" He asked in desperation, reaching your arm and trying to pull you away from the wardrobe, but you just shrugged his touch off.

"What does it look like? I'm leaving, Tom! If you can't conciliate our relationship with your job, then I guess I have nothing to do here anymore". You say through gritted teeth.

"What?!" He breathed out. "Darling, you can't leave like-"

"Don't you fucking call me darling!"

Tom stops and stares at you, blinking. His mouth is agape, trying to get his thoughts together. You didn't stop packing, and when he saw the determination in your actions, he simply couldn't contain the anger growing on his chest.

"Know what? Go. Leave me! Get the fuck out of this house. I don't fucking care!" He yelled, and you jumped slightly at the sound of his guttural voice.

You wiped some of new tears and nodded once, not minding to get anything else as you closed your suitcase and walked out of the room, hands shaking from the emotions you were so hardly trying to refrain.

But before you could step out of the room and go down on the stairs, you turn around to see he stagnant at the same spot. "Fuck you, Tom. You can take all this damn jewelry. Take this, the clothes, and everything else you bought me. If I can't have you, these don't mean a single thing to me. I'm not a fucking doll, Tom".

You left, and he couldn't move for minutes straight.

*********

The night passed by and Tom didn't hear from you. He checked his phone more times than he liked to admit, but you didn't answer any calls, any messages. Nothing. He didn't even realize what time he fell asleep on the couch, waiting for some sort of sign from you, but in the morning, when he rolled out of it, his heart pounded in his chest at the realization that you were nowhere to be seen.

He asked Harrison, his best mate and the second person you most chatted with in the house, if he has seen you, but he didn't have anything. So Tom waited, trying to focus on his work for the morning and the evening, as he thought that maybe you just wanted some time to think clearer. He regretted saying those things to you already, knowing that none of that was true. Obviously he did care if you were there in the morning. He wanted to wake up with you by his side like every other day. It was all that mattered for him after all. Not the money, not the jewel, not the house. It all didn't make sense when you weren't there.

And he felt so sick thinking that you truly believed he was seeing you as a prize, as a doll that would stand beautifully waiting for him at the end of the day. He knew he should have persisted and said that you weren't right, that he loved you so much that he could take a bullet for you, right on his chest. He'd do anything for you, but didn't seem to know how to put that in words when it comes to a fight.

"Fuck!" He shouted when alone in his office, hands collapsing on the desk. It was past seven at night and he hadn't heard from you. A whole fucking day. He asked Harrison to send the men to look for you. He wouldn't force you coming back home, but he needed to be sure you were alright.

All the bad thoughts he could have were now successfully running through his mind and driving him nuts. He thought that maybe some rival mobster could have laid eyes on you, all by yourself, and tried to do something. You could be in serious danger right now, and Tom wouldn't forgive himself if that was the case.

He took a drink. He needed to clear his mind as time was passing by and his men didn't have any information about you. Your phone would be filled with unanswered calls from him, even voicemail telling you he was sorry and would do anything if you only called him back to say you were doing fine.

"Please, love, if you're listening to it... fuck, I'm so fucking sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I'm a dumbass, and you don't have to forgive me, but, please, just let me know you're fine and I'll give you your time. Just- please. I need to hear from you, y/n", he recorded, a drink on his hand and the other holding his phone firmly.

When it was 9pm, he decided he was going out to look for you himself. He just couldn't sit there waiting for a call or for his men do to something - he needed to take that pressure of his chest and no one was helping.

He took his gun, called Harrison and a few more man before heading to the living room.

"Alright, we have a few more places left" Tom started his instructions, while shoving his gun at the back of his trousers. "Harrison and I are going to her family's house. You two check in her old friend's place. Doesn't matter how far it is, I don't want you two to come back until you've looked through that fucking town-"

"Tom", Harrison cut him off, coughing a bit to get his attention. He was about to snap at him, when he followed his gaze.

And there you were, standing at the door frame in the living room, a confused expression on your face as you tried to understand what was going on in the middle of the room. Usually, Tom never had meetings in any other area than the conference room.

"What's going on?", you asked bluntly, and Tom releases a deep and relieved breath, so audible that you couldn't not take notice of.

"God, you're here", he breathed out, walking towards you in large steps. You were still mad, but also so confused with his reaction that you couldn't stop him from holding you tightly in his arms. "Fuck, darling, where were you?".

Besides his words being a bit harsh, his voice was soft and caring, worried if anything. He didn't let go of you first, kissing the top of your head for a long minute.

Harrison smiled a little seeing the both of you and dismissed the men out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

"Sorry, you don't need to explain", Tom shook his head and pulled away to look at you. His eyes were bloodshot and tired, a dark circle around it. He brushed your cheeks with the pad of his thumb and furrowed. "Are you okay, though?"

"Yeah, I am- but what was going on?", you insisted.

Tom cupped your face on his hands, still not believing that you were there again. "I was so fucking worried. I thought that something was off, you didn't answer any of my messages or calls... I was heading to a drive with my men to look for you".

You blink a few times, startled that Tom was so concerned all this time.

"I was in a hotel room, actually", you chew in your lower lip, kind of ashamed that you put him through such a concern. "Needed to be alone for a time, so I turned my phone off".

Tom pressed his forehead against yours. "It doesn't matter anymore, darling. It was all my fault", his voice was croaky and you felt your heart pounding inside your chest. "I should never have said those things to you-"

"It's alright, Tom-"

"No, it's not", he shook his head. "Cause it was all lies. I do fucking care if you leave me. I wouldn't stand being away from you, my love. You're everything, everything. And you're right, I don't spend much time with you, and it eats me alive, cause that's what makes me happy, being around you. All I ever wanted was to make you happy, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry if I haven't shown you how much you mean to me..."

"Shhh, Tom", you closed your eyes, hugging him by the neck and bringing him closer. "It's okay, I know it. I wasn't thinking straight too, I know you don't treat me like that. I was just too pissed, and yeah, I'd like to spend more time together, but it's alright that you don't-"

He cut you by a sweet kiss pressed on your lips, "Nothing is more important for me than you. I was too mad with that thing in the restaurant to say it right away, but I'll try harder. I'm gonna be here with you, no matter what. Work can wait".

You sigh and pull him closer, breathing his comforting scent.

"My lovely girl", Tom sighs and smile a bit. "You scared the hell out of me".

"You deserved it, idiot" you said and he laughed quietly.

"I love you, darling", he stroked your back, hiding his face in the crock of your neck. "Always".

"Love you too, Tommy".

You spent the rest of the night together, having a nice and cozy dinner at home. Tom never smiled wider than that night, and the following others were fulfilled with his promise - there was always time in your day to spend alone with your boyfriend.

*******

Taglist:

@dreamy-clousds

@pinkrockstar19

@onyourgoddamnleft

@spideyspeaches

@miraclesoflove

@hollands-taste

@zspideyy

#tom holland #tom holland blurbs #tom holland imagines #tom holland fic #mob!tom #mob!tom x reader #Tom angst #tom x reader #request #anon

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Note

I'm loving your little mix works so much I wanted to request something if you're not too busy idk if you've seen the interview where perrie says that alex went to rehearsals with her because she couldn't get choreographies right and he would help her well what if tom did the same for reader??? and Jesy is soft for them but she won't admit it

Hi lovey! Thank you so much for the request! I added a little twist to it, but it’s still the same concept you wanted. AND YES, JESY LOVES THEM TOGETHER SHE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT IT. I hope you like it, happy reading!💜✨

💌.

Patience

I hope you enjoy this! I honestly had so much fun rewatching Break Up Song over and over again to get the little dance they do in the chorus, it’s stuck in my head lol. That’s basically the dance the reader is trying to do, if you want to see the dance it’s somewhere towards the end of the Break Up Song video!

You watched the video your choreographer sent to you and the girls. You watched it over and over again, taking a moment to study the moves before getting up from the bed and doing them yourself. The video was a little dance Kayleigh, your choreographer, created for the Break Up Song music video. Since the pandemic was still in full affect and everyone was still on lockdown, shooting a music video at a studio was an absolute no go. As much as it sadden you and the girls that you couldn’t film your original vision for the video, your health and the crew’s health meant the most to all of you at the moment. Instead of not filming a music video at all, you and the girls have decided that it would be fun to shoot the video on your own at your own homes.

Which brings you to today. You were in your room, that you shared with Tom, trying to learn the choreography. Honestly, it wasn’t that hard of a dance, it was quite simple. The video Kayleigh sent you all was probably less than a minute. The dance was supposed to be done during the chorus, the rest of the song would be freestyle or clips of you all doing some nonsense for fun.

Your brows furrowed together, eyes glaring at your phone screen while you tried to figure out how to sway your arms and circle them to make them cross. Like Perrie, it took you a while to learn choreography. Unlike the other three, you and Perrie took extra time studying the dancers and had extra sessions at the studio to get the choreography down. Though it was sometimes frustrating, the end result was always worth it.

You cursed to yourself as the video ended for the twentieth time. You tried repeating the steps, watching yourself in the mirror, but it just wasn’t coming out right. You felt your body growing hot as you became upset at yourself for not understanding a few simple steps. You thought learning through a video would be easier, but no, it’s more difficult for you. There was no guidance from Kayleigh, she wasn’t there to tell you what you were doing wrong or what you were doing right. You just felt lost and confused.

Groaning, you snatch your phone from the table and throw yourself onto your bed. You take Tom’s pillow, hugging it as you lay on your stomach. You shove your face into his pillow, the smell of him with a mix of his shampoo bringing you some kind of solace from your frustration.

(Y/n)🌺: Girls, do we really need to have a dance in the video?

Perrie🦋: Yeah I agree. Do we REALLY need one?

Jesy💖: Don’t tell me you guys can’t get that?

Do you not get it?

Leigh-Anne😻: Huns, it’s like learning a TikTok dance

Jade💜: It’s so easy! Girls, it’s like 30 secs of the video. We always have a dance choreo in our videos!

(Y/n)🌺: But we’re bad at dancing🥺

Perrie🦋: You all know how hard it is for me and (y/n) to pick up choreography:(

Jesy💖: (y/n), isn’t Tom a dancer?

(Y/n)🌺: He used to do ballet and he was in Billy Elliot, he won’t shut up about it.

Why?

Jesy💖: Ask twinkle toes to help you, he might be able to teach you.

If he can teach you how to spoil things, he can teach you how to dance👌🏽

Jade💜: ^^^ she’s got a point

Leigh-Anne😻: Omg Tom did ballet?

Jesy💖: Lmao what a loser

(Y/n)🌺: That’s actually a good idea, I’ll go bother him rn:))

Perrie🦋: Right I’m glad (y/n) has a way to learn the dance but what about me? I live with a football player🙁

Turning your phone off, you hop out of bed and skip your way out of the bedroom. You walk around the house looking for Tom, but instead bump into Harrison and Tuwaine.

“Boys, where’s Thomas?” You ask them, stealing one of the chips Harrison was eating. With a playful glare, he softly smacks your hand. You cheekily grin at him as you eat the chip.

“He’s outside with Harry, they’re cleaning the patio.” Tuwaine answers. Harrison snorts, “And doing a shit job at it.” You quickly thank them and pull on the glass sliding doors to get to the backyard. You see Harry with one of those power hoses spraying dirt off the concrete as Tom stood to the side filming him. You wait for him to end his video before coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around his torso.

“I thought you were supposed to be cleaning with Harry?” You ask him, earning Harry’s attention.

“You know what (y/n), that’s exactly what I said!” Harry answered sarcasticly, spraying the hose dangerously close to Tom’s feet. Your boyfriend yelps, turning around to scoop you in his arms and move you both away from Harry and the hose.

“You dick!” He hissed at his brother. Harry chuckles satisfied at riling up his brother. He turns around and returns to his task at hand.

Tom puts you down on your feet though his hands remain at your hips. You look up at him, admiring the way his eyes and hair give off a sweet honey color in the sun.

“What’s up bub? Have you got the dance down yet?” He asks, thumbs rubbing circles onto your hips. Your face contorts together, nose scrunched up in irritation at the mention of the dance. Tom notices your change in expression and pouts at you.

“I’m gonna take that as a no?” You sigh, leaning into his chest and rest your head on his shoulder. Picking up on your exasperation, he pulls you in closer and places his palm on your back rubbing soothing circles onto it.

“I don’t know why I can’t just get it. It’s so bloody simple and I just can’t do it. Why am I like this?” You ramble, beating your head against his shoulder with every word. Tom makes a sound of disagreement as he gently pulls you away from his shoulder.

Before he can speak he presses multiple kisses onto your forehead making you giggle, “There’s nothing wrong with you, darling. It just takes you a little bit longer to properly learn choreography, there’s nothing wrong with that! You’re an excellent dancer in my eyes.”

You fondly roll your eyes at him, always one for the sweet talk, “You’re only saying that because you’re my boyfriend.”

“No, I’ve seen you dance before (y/n), you’re actually good.” His eyes quickly rake over your body, “But as your boyfriend, I think you look extremely hot when you dance. Especially in those little costumes you wear during tour.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, placing a light kiss on his lips. “Hmmm, ok. Well, then as my boyfriend, will you help me learn the dance?” You try to soften him up with some puppy eyes and a smile that made the corner of your lips squish up to your cheeks.

Without any hesitation, he agrees, not thinking of how difficult it would be to actually teach you the dance.

~⏰~

Hours pass and Tom was slowly losing his shit. He loves you, absolutely adores you, like nothing in the world will ever make him stop loving you. But trying to teach you simple choreography was making him loose his mind.

Tom stares blankly at the floor, sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. You stood a few feet away from him, cringing to yourself as you watched your boyfriend regain his patience with you.

“I love you.” You squeaked out sinking into your shoulders. Tom sighs and takes his head out his hands to look at you tiredly. He drags himself off the bed and stands in front of you. He cups your face in his hand, squishing it gently and playfully growls at you.

“Darling, I love you too.” He affirms with a fond smile. He lets out a breath before resting his forehead onto yours, “I just—why can’t you get it? I don’t understand.”

You pout at him and huff, “It’s not that easy, it’s really hard!” You and him had been practicing for a while now. For the first few minutes, Tom watched the video a number of times until he finally got the steps memorized. Then he took an hour of breaking down each step for you while you stood beside him repeating his moves. When he asked you to do it all together, all the steps you’ve rehearsed went out the window. Which lead to Tom breaking down the steps for you once again and so on.

“Baby, I did everything I can. I’ve done it really slow and explained each step to you.” He reasoned. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“But it’s hard Tommy!” You defended yourself, almost on the verge of crying because you still couldn’t comprehend the steps. Though you were probably overreacting, your whole day had been full of frustration; you were tired and mad at yourself for not understanding something so simple and now it was all coming together to make you explode.

“(Y/n), it’s like only ten to nine steps, you could do it.” Tom tried to encourage you. You groaned and pull yourself away from him. You plop yourself down to the bed, face smushed right into the pillows.

“I’m hopeless.” You said into the pillow, though it might have came out muffled for Tom. Tom frowned at your figure on the bed. He was upset at two things. One, he hated seeing you so frustrated with yourself. He just wanted to wrap you up in hugs and tell you that he was proud of you for trying your best. Two, he was mad at himself for kind of loosing his temper with you. You asked him for help and he did do that but he could have been a bit more patient. He knew you weren’t that good with rehearsing choreography so he should have expected the process to take a little bit slower.

“(Y/n), it’s swing, swing, round, swing, what’s so hard to understand?” Tom swung his arms like how Kayleigh did in the video, though his motions were quite harsh and sharp.

“I don’t know! I can’t swing my arms properly.” You complained, repeating his steps, your arms moving loosely.

“It’s just swinging your arms! There’s nothing hard about swinging your arms!” He exploded, throwing his arms in the air. An almost crazed look was in his eyes as he gripped onto the roots of his hair. Squeezing his eyes shut he took a breath in, “I need a break.”

Guilt filled him as he heard a sniff come from the pillow. Tom was immediately by your side trying to get you to look at him. “Darling, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled.”

He sees you move your face so he can hear you properly, “No, it’s okay, you were just expressing how you feel. It’s my fault I can’t comprehend simple choreograph.”

Tom sighs, shifting so he’s laying against you, head resting on the same pillow as yours while he waits for you to look at him again. One hand supports his head and the other rubs circles onto your back. He feels you relax under his touch making him pull you closer because he felt like you needed the comfort. You were trying your best, he knew you were. In fact, he even saw you getting some of the steps correct, you just instantly doubted yourself.

“No, I should’ve remembered that it takes a few times for you to memorize choreography. I should’ve been more patient.” He began. “And you came to me for help and I did nothing but make you even more upset, I’m sorry.” He apologized. Your head rises from the pillow, Tom softly chuckles at the strands of hair that covered your face.

“Don’t say that, you did a great job at helping me, I’m just—stupid.” You shrug nonchalantly. Tom rolls his eyes, brushing the strands of hair that covered your face behind your ear. “Now that’s stupid, you’re one of the smartest girls I know.”

You snort shoving his hand away from you, “You said I was an excellent dancer and look at where that got us.”

“You are an excellent dancer, love. You just doubt yourself.” He gets up from the bed and holds his hand out for you. “Let’s try again?”

You glance at him then at his hand before finally giving in. You grasp his hand, using it as leverage to help yourself off the bed. Tom smiles proudly at you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, “That’s my girl.”

~⏰~

Since standing beside each other was not doing the trick, Tom decided that he would try standing behind you. With your back against his chest, he outstretched his hands to hold onto your arms and guide them.

“Right, so we’re swinging this way, that way, then we go around and swing again.” Tom explained as he puppets your arms in those directions. You stare at yourself in the mirror and repeat Tom’s words to yourself. Tom glances at you from your shoulder, where his chin rested, seeing the gears shifting in your brain.

“Ok, we swing twice, then go around once, and swing again.”

Tom hums at you in response, “Yeah, you’ve got that part down.” He takes your left arm and brings it to your right shoulder, then your right arm to your left shoulder.

“After the swing we go chest, chest, so that it makes an x.” Tom continues to explain. You nod along, making mental notes to yourself. Suddenly, you jump, taking Tom by surprise.

“What happened?”

“I know the next move!” You beamed, shaking your arms from his grip and forming a heart with them. “After the X, we make a heart, and then it’s that shimmy thing.”

The grin on Tom’s face made the corners of his eyes crinkle and made his pearly whites twinkle at you, “Yeah, that’s right! Can you show me the stuff we’ve rehearsed so far?”

You purse your lips at yourself in the mirror, going over the mental notes you took in your head. The opening steps involved a little skipping in place while you punched the air three times; two punches on the left and one on the right. Then that would lead into the swinging, then the chests that make an X, the heart and shimmy.

“You remember darling, don’t doubt yourself.” He motivates you.

You jump around your spot and shake your limbs out, “Alright, I think I’m good.”

“Go for it, love.” Tom nods at you as he stands to the side with his hands on his hips, almost like a dance instructor or some teacher.

“I’m gonna sing the lyrics out, it helps.” You comment. Tom waves you off, “Whatever makes you comfortable.”

“So it’s—so tonight I’ll sing another,” You skip and do the punches.

“Another break up song,” You transition into the arm’s choreography, swinging them and going around once. You jump so your legs are together and do the X with your arms over you chest. You make the heart and do the shimmies, squealing excitedly when you finally get all the steps done correctly.

“I DID IT!” You happily yell jumping into Tom’s arms. He catches you right on time with just as much cheerfulness as you.

“I KNOW, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” He cheers making you both jump in celebration. You hug him tightly, continuously thanking him. Without Tom, you probably would’ve never learned the dance properly and would have given up the moment you felt like it. But thankfully, you had a loving boyfriend who never gave up on you. No matter how much you drove him mad.

“Seriously Tom, thank you for helping me. You didn’t have to, but I really appreciate it.” You tell him once he places you back on the ground.

“It’s no trouble, especially for you, I’d do anything for you.” He grins pecking your lips. You hum against his soft lips pulling him back in to meet yours again.

“Let’s just hope I can still remember this till tomorrow.”

Tom chuckles against your lips, “Darling we aren’t even done yet, that was just the first bit.” You pull away from him, mouth agape, “Wait there’s more?”

#marvel #mcu #avengers #Tom Holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagines #tom holland one shot #tom holland headcanon #tom holland fanfiction #little mix #ally’s request #jade thirlwall #perrie edwards #leigh anne pinnock #jesy nelson

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kuiinncedes · 3 years

Text

relight that spark

jatp au - chapter 1 - part 2/15? - 9,385 words

the prologue/part 1 (tumblr link) if you missed it!! (ao3 link) :D

so obviously this is pretty slowly updating already and it probably willll get worse 🤪 i might post the next part in like a week tho, it's not a full "episode" chapter and i already have it fully written and i'm pretty happy with it 😗✌️

this chapter is pretty long and i apologize for that bc i know i get annoyed when i have to stop in the middle of a long chapter and then my phone like loses my spot or whatever lakdshgjfs but idk how else to do it so .. just have my apology lol sorryyy <3 the next "episode" chapter is looking to be longer tho sdlkhglsj

LASTLY BUT NOT LEASTLY A HUGE MASSIVE FUCKING THANK YOU TO MEG @neversatisfiedwithlife FOR BETA READING THIS FOR MEEEE AND BEING SO SUPPORTIVE AND WONDERFUL LOVE YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SM 💞💖💓💗💕

chapter title and lyrics in this part from "wake up" from the julie and the phantoms soundtrack (whichhh if you haven't heard it... you should listen to it after reading maybe 👀)

plot and a lot of the dialogue from julie and the phantoms so like credit to all those creators and writers 🤪

warnings for this chapter: grief, mentioned character death (regarding kurt's mom)

read below the cut or here on ao3!! <3

2020

There’s a deep-seated weight of dread in Kurt’s stomach that he’s unable to ignore for the entire morning.

His last chance at the music program -- he needs to play again today, for the first time in over a year, or he’s done.

It’s all he can think about all day. He makes it through his first few classes, somehow, walking through the halls almost mindlessly, thoughts far away and only worrying about what he’s going to do, barely paying attention to who he’s almost running into, because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

It almost feels like last year again, when school started and everyone knew and everyone was staring at him in the hallways, even though he knows that they’re not right now and he knows most of these people couldn’t care less about him not being able to play at this point, but in his head it feels like they all know, like they’re all waiting, waiting and watching for him to play again and sing again.

He has been, too, for over a year.

He stops at his locker to wait for Mercedes before going to class.

“We’re gonna get tattoos together,” comes her familiar voice out of nowhere.

Involuntarily, Kurt smiles a little, turning to Mercedes. “Umm…?”

She shrugs and smiles back at him. “You know, when we’re adults and out in New York together or something. Just -- you know, at some point.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow, silently saying, where the hell did this come from. Mercedes raises both of hers as if to say, answer the question. “Just curious,” she adds out loud. “Could start planning them now.”

He chuckles. “Of course. I’ll get all the matching tattoos with you.”

Grins and silent agreement pass between them and they both turn toward the lockers, a welcome break in the slowest part of the day, the voices and noises of other students filling the air.

“I know you don’t want me to ask, but…” Mercedes starts slowly after a moment, and Kurt nods his head in acknowledgement; he knows what she’s going to say. “Do you know what you’re going to do today?”

He puts some books in his backpack, mainly for something to do. “I’ll know in the moment,” he says, somewhat truthfully. He could just say what he thinks will happen, which is nothing. But Mercedes can see right through him anyway, so might as well stay somewhat positive until it happens. Or rather, doesn’t happen.

Mercedes sighs a little. “Mrs. Harrison said today is your last chance,” she tries, leaning on her side against the lockers.

“I know, I was there,” Kurt says lightly, letting his eyes scan the contents of his locker a tenth time. Mercedes reaches over and squeezes his hand lightly. Her eyes tell him that she’ll stop talking about it for now, and he squeezes back gratefully.

The conversation with Mercedes has really helped, though; it always does. If he’s going to spectacularly embarrass himself in front of his music class, and probably for the last time, at least he’ll have Mercedes there.

She sees it in his smile, and she sends it back. You always will, is her silent whisper.

A sharp, cheery voice pierces the air and makes them both turn their heads, and the uplifted mood from the conversation with Mercedes disappears when Kurt sees none other than Quinn Fabray, in her Cheerios! uniform, complete with a tight ponytail and perfect smile as she hands out what appears to be flyers to passing students, who are immediately won over by her status, closeness, sweetness. Finn Hudson lingers behind her with his guitar case and his own stack of flyers that he’s not handing out nearly as enthusiastically.

“Spirit rally Friday!” Quinn’s saying as she all but shoves another flyer into the face of a nervous freshman who takes it and scurries away, doing a double-take once they pass her. “Come see the Cheerios! do their new routine, and my group, the Unholy Trinity, perform our brand new original song!”

“What’s she handing out?” Kurt whispers to Mercedes. A corner of his lip quirks up despite the general unpleasantness of seeing Quinn.

“Desperation?” she answers with a small smirk. When Kurt turns back, Quinn is in front of him. He holds back a grimace at her fake smile and cheeriness.

“Hey, guys!” she chirps, as if they’re just any two other students at this school. “Here you go, my group’s performing at the spirit assembly on Friday!”

Kurt flinches back a little as a flyer appears much too close to his face and he takes it instinctively, holding it lightly in his fingertips. It truly looks like something Quinn designed -- perfectly professional, impressive, eye-catching -- and he can’t say it looks bad, as much as he might want to. He eyes Quinn over the top of the flyer.

“I’m sure you guys have nothing better to do,” Quinn continues, that smile still on her face, and there are the claws, Kurt thinks as he resists the urge to rip up the flyer right in front of her.

“Oh, my gosh, Quinn, thank you!” Mercedes says in an exaggeratedly sweet voice, clearly -- or at least clearly to Kurt, and likely Quinn as well -- imitating the specific tone of voice that Quinn takes, and Kurt stifles a laugh.

“Oh my gosh, Cedes, don’t bother coming!” Quinn says with a wide smile, turning away with a whip of her ponytail to continue pushing her flyers.

Kurt looks back at Mercedes, mumbling, “She did not just call you Cedes,” while Mercedes crumples up the flyer in her hands.

“Well, she did,” Mercedes says. Kurt can see the anger behind her eyes and he raises a concerned eyebrow. “I’m fine. She just… you know.” She dismisses his silent question.

“Yeah.” He loops his arm through Mercedes’ and they head down the hallway, almost running into Finn not three steps from Kurt’s locker.

“Oh, hey, sorry guys!” he says with a sheepish but genuine smile that contains all the warmth missing from Quinn’s. “Did you -- I guess Quinn already got -- ”

“Yep, she got to us,” Cedes says quickly, steering Kurt around Finn. “Thanks, Finn, bye!”

“Please tell me you are over him,” Mercedes says when they’re in a quieter area at the end of the row of lockers. Kurt realizes he’s staring and quickly looks away.

“Yeah, I am.” Mercedes looks at him skeptically and he insists, “I am, promise! You just… don’t find a nice jock like him around here that much.”

She nods, satisfied, and raises her eyebrows meaningfully. “You know they’re going to get married and have a bunch of demon babies.”

Kurt’s jaw drops open slightly and he laughs. “You can’t say Finn isn’t a sweetheart.”

“Only one of them has to be a demon to make a demon baby,” Mercedes says matter-of-factly.

“What… it’s a dominant gene?”

“Of course.” Mercedes turns back toward Quinn and raises her voice. “Demon!”

The two of them push against the wall, hiding behind the end of the lockers, when Quinn snaps her gaze back. Kurt can’t hold his laughs in this time, and he feels a little bad about it, but… considering what Quinn’s done to them, he can let himself and Cedes get away with it.

“There’s that smile,” Mercedes says gently as they gather themselves. “Now let’s go prove everybody wrong.” She pulls him toward the music room and slowly but surely, the sickening feeling in his stomach returns. He sits down next to Mercedes and just breathes. She squeezes his hand again.

Mrs. Harrison starts class soon after they arrive, getting into the last of the progress performances which are both a chance for the students to show off to their classmates, and also a checkpoint for participation in the music program, which is the part Kurt’s concerned about.

He barely hears as Finn finishes his drum solo and everyone claps and then Mrs. Harrison is calling his name and he’s standing and walking to the piano and oh god.

“Take your time,” Mrs. Harrison says gently.

That’s all he’s been doing for almost a year, just taking his time, but nothing has come of it. He sits down slowly, opening his music in front of him but it’s like his eyes don’t see the notes and just gloss over the page. He looks down at the keys, sets his fingers in place reluctantly.

It’s been so long that the keys almost feel foreign under his fingers when they once were the most familiar thing in the world. It’s been so long that he barely remembers how the song should go and why did he think he could just do this, it doesn’t matter how good at sightreading he’s always been. It’s been so long of him locking the memories in a chained and padlocked safe in the back of his mind and he’s terrified of playing again being what opens it because playing and singing and music has always always meant Mom, and she’s gone which he still sometimes forgets and it always hurts like hell to remember again, so letting himself remember so much more will only make reality that much worse. It’s been so long and what if he’s forgotten, what if he opens himself to the memories just to find that they don’t exist anymore?

It’s been so long; it’s been over a year, but doesn’t that mean he should be fine by now?

He knows avoiding the memories hasn’t been the best idea, but right now he can’t think of anything he could have done differently, can’t linger and regret his choices because he feels so vulnerable and exposed finally sitting at the piano in front of his whole class for the first time in a year, and the choice is right there and maybe he could do it but not in front of everyone his brain screams, and he can almost feel Quinn’s sharp, judging, so far from friendly gaze fixed on him and that is what breaks it, that is something he definitely can’t take and he pulls his hands back with a short inhale and the whirlwind in his mind stops and he can mostly breathe again.

It’s been so long.

Heart still pounding, he gets up and apologizes to Mrs. Harrison because she really has tried to help him and he appreciates it but he still can’t, and Quinn makes some comment and Mercedes fires something back but he doesn’t hear any of it, he just has to leave.

He knows Mercedes follows him out and she calls out his name when he’s halfway down the stairs. He’s started crying at some point and he doesn’t know when. All of it is just such a mess and so present in his mind; he was so close to music again, to Mom, but he’s not ready. He’s scared.

“Kurt,” Cedes calls again, quieter, her voice soft and choked, pleading. “Come on, please. Come back… and show them you can sing .”

He turns to look at her at the top of the stairs. “I can’t,” he says, voice rough with tears. “I’ve tried, for over a year I’ve tried…. I’ve tried for Dad, I’ve tried for Mrs. Harrison, fuck, I’ve even tried for Quinn.” He gives a short, bitter laugh as more tears spill down his cheeks.

“I’ve tried so hard for you.” He gestures up to her, voice breaking. “I’ve tried for Mom.” He closes his eyes for a moment, takes a breath. “And I’ve tried for myself.” Mercedes is also crying a little now.

“For over a year, I’ve tried,” Kurt continues weakly. “But I just -- I can’t. Not… not now.”

He runs down the rest of the stairs and out the door, and he knows he just got himself kicked out of music, knows he just ruined everything.

From mercedes 💖, 2:04 pm:

Are you leaving?

From mercedes 💖, 2:06

Tell me when you get home. I love you

To mercedes 💖, 2:08 pm:

i will, at the park for now

From mercedes 💖, 2:10 pm:

I’ll bring your stuff around later.

To mercedes 💖, 2:10 pm:

thank you

To mercedes 💖, 2:11 pm:

i love you. i’m sorry

From mercedes 💖, 2:12 pm:

Nothing to be sorry for, just take care of yourself okay?

From mercedes 💖, 2:13 pm:

Give yourself a hug from me until I get there to do it for you

“Hey, kiddo, how was your day?” Burt asks as he walks in, putting a hand on Kurt’s shoulder who’s doing homework at the kitchen table.

“It was okay,” Kurt responds with a small but hopefully convincing smile to hide the worry eating away at him inside, because if the school’s already contacted his dad about today, about Kurt ruining his last chance…

“I gotta go again in a bit,” Burt says, taking a drink of water. “Some guy really needs a car fix by tomorrow morning, but I’ll be done by dinner.” Kurt nods, some relief flooding his veins. He turns back to his homework.

“Oh, another thing,” Burt says and Kurt stiffens again. “I wanted to come and check in with you -- I talked to a real estate agent today, and they said if we’re serious about selling the house, we need to take some pictures and stuff, clean everything… and I was wondering if you’re up for cleaning Mom’s studio?”

Kurt’s immediate surprise and hesitance must show on his face even as he tries to keep his composure, because Burt quickly assures, “It’s okay if you’re not ready, I promise; we have time. You know I just -- I wouldn’t even know where to start in there.”

Kurt smiles a little. “No, it’s okay,” he says. “I can try tonight.”

“Awesome.” Burt ruffles Kurt’s hair, which from anyone else other than maybe Mercedes would not end particularly well, but Kurt just laughs and tries to brush the loose strands out of his eyes. “I’ll see you later, Kurt. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Dad.”

Kurt exhales slowly as his dad leaves again.

Cleaning out the studio means having to confront exactly what he’s tried to avoid for a year. The disaster that was music class today doesn’t make him feel better about it… but at least this time he’ll be alone -- none of the pressure of having to live up to the standards of well-meaning teachers or aggressive ex-best friends, none of the pressure of having to play at all, especially from the competitive nature at school. And… maybe he needs it.

Moving from here will only help you move on. Kurt’s aunt’s words echo in his mind. A part of him recoils at the idea of leaving his childhood home -- leaving the spaces his mom used to inhabit and her light and energy used to fill to the brim -- and starting over, someplace where there are none of those memories… he can’t tell if that’s a good thing. It feels like more of the running away that he’s been doing for a year, and he wonders if it really will solve anything.

But maybe he does need it. If staying in this house for the last year hasn’t helped, a change would be good, right?

Turning back to his work, he takes a deep breath and starts planning dinner in his head. He’ll tackle the studio after dinner’s ready.

To Dad, 7:39 pm:

dinner’s done, i’ll be in the studio

Kurt takes a slow breath as he opens the doors to the garage.

It’s not that it’s his first time in the studio after his mom died -- someone had to water the plants -- but he kept any interaction with the rest of the room minimal, so it still feels different to take in the full space instead of just rushing to the plants in the back with his head down. It always came with some guilt; it felt like the least he could do to keep some life in the studio when he could barely even bring himself to enter, let alone fill it with music as it needs to be.

He walks in slowly, some apprehension tickling the back of his neck, trying to stay calm. The familiarity is almost overwhelming this time as he looks around, actually taking in the room. The guitars on the wall, the couch and table, all of his mom’s decorations and knick-knacks. The chairs on the ceiling, story told with a fond smile from his dad about his mom wanting to decorate in a fun special way even while 7 months pregnant. The plants in the back, flourishing in front of the wall of windows positioned to let in the sunrise beautifully, not that Kurt has seen it happen recently.

And the grand piano -- in the center of the room, covered with a sheet, neglected for over a year. Kurt pulls it off now absentmindedly, letting the fabric pool over his feet. He takes a deep breath even though he probably just filled the air with dust, and goes over to the bench. He doesn’t open the lid, not yet. Some sheet music is on the seat and he places it on the piano without looking, sits down and gently touches the fallboard, inhaling shakily, not opening it to reveal the keys but just… remembering what it used to be, what it used to -- still means….

“I’m so sorry, Mom,” he whispers, eyes fluttering shut, “that I haven’t been here.”

With his eyes closed against the dark emptiness of the room, he can almost forget. It’s too easy to think that when he opens his eyes, his mom will be there, and she’ll be writing a song with him, or she’ll be playing, or they’ll just be talking…

Before the idea can flood his mind and leave him reeling when he returns to reality, Kurt stands and looks around the room again. There really is a strangeness to the place now. What used to be so comfortable and an extension of home -- sometimes even more home than the main house -- was always warm and brimming with emotion and joy and music and life -- now cold and dark and hollow, quiet. The familiar bones have an unsettling foreign emptiness around them. It feels wrong.

It needs to be filled. But… Kurt can’t do that.

He misses his mom -- always, but it’s amplified in this space that was always hers. He misses the feeling that the studio used to bring, that spirit that is now dimmed and suppressed. Covered, but still there. He can feel it like a gentle heat behind his skin. Not bad, but overwhelming, and he just….

The loft, Kurt decides suddenly. He’ll start with the loft. There aren’t memories and emotions so confusing and thick there that he’s barely able to avoid it, to push his way through with no energy left to untangle and understand. The loft is just full of random old stuff that his mom wouldn’t throw out and his dad teased her about.

So the loft first. And then he can ease into the rest when he’s more ready. After all, his dad did say they have time.

It’s significantly dustier in the loft; old instruments and random bags full of clothes are scattered and piled across the floor, his own electric keyboard propped up against the wall. Kurt stands on the stepladder a few steps below the actual loft floor, looks around a little, his eyes landing on a CD case lying on the ground -- black with a simple stark white word design: Sunset Curve. He picks it up, eyeing it thoughtfully, brings it back down to the main floor and decides to put it into the old CD player.

He doesn’t really know why he has such an urge all of a sudden. He’s listened to some music, but not nearly as much as before, and has actually chosen to listen to music only a handful of times since his mom died.

But… the studio needs music. As an apology for a year of neglect, and as a goodbye, he can let this music redeem the studio’s spirit a little, fill what he’s left hollow.

And he doesn’t want to be alone in the silence with his memories while he’s going through everything, even just in the loft. As something completely unfamiliar and random, this can give him the distraction and none of the pain. At least, that’s the plan.

Stepping down from the loft stairs, he glances at the picture in the CD case as he opens it -- a band of four who all look like teenagers, staring seriously into the camera -- he doesn’t get a good look at them, just slides the disc into the CD player and takes a seat on the couch.

The opening song starts strong with a gritty guitar riff and a 1, 2, 3! counting the band in. Despite himself, Kurt starts nodding along to the beat. It really is a great song, unique and upbeat…

Then some kind of… panicked screaming makes itself heard, first quietly and he thinks it could be part of the song, but it crescendos and gets unbearably loud --

And then there are three strangers appearing out of thin air before his eyes, screaming as they fall to the ground heavily. Kurt would wince at the sound of the impact --

That part’s certainly unlike any CD he’s listened to before.

He’s frozen, heart hammering and eyes widening as he stares at the three strangers picking themselves up off the ground, taking in their surroundings a little…

“How’d we get back here?” the middle one -- a shorter guy with black hair -- says breathlessly.

Kurt screams.

It’s not his finest moment, but three complete strangers just appeared in his mom’s studio, seemingly just popping into the air, and he can’t say he’s never been superstitious in his entire life or that he isn’t drawing immediate conclusions -- supernatural conclusions, fucking ridiculous conclusions. He doesn’t love that he runs into his dad on his way back into the house which may have also involved a little yelling about seeing ghosts (ghosts who screamed back, for the record), but he makes it to the safety of his room and texts Mercedes frantically, who doesn’t respond.

“Come on, Cedes,” he hisses to himself, shooting off another text. “Answer me!”

A knock from his doorway startles him and he just barely manages to hold back a shout, turning to see his dad leaning into his room hesitantly.

“You okay?”

Kurt gives him what must be a hysterical-looking attempt at a reassuring smile, all wide eyes and clenched teeth. “Yeah, no, totally fine, sorry for -- scaring you,” he replies choppily, tone not even convincing to himself. “Just, um, practicing for a school play.”

Burt definitely doesn’t believe him, but nods slowly anyway. “Well, I’m gonna go clean up -- ” He gestures over his shoulder with a grease-covered hand. “Dinner in like, ten minutes?”

“Yeah. Sounds good,” Kurt says shortly, forcing another smile and a thumbs-up.

As soon as the door closes, Kurt turns back toward his window and tries to get a glance of the studio, but it’s blocked from this angle by the trees in their yard. Apprehensively, he heads back to the garage, thankfully not running into his dad this time, phone in hand and thumb hovering over Mercedes’ phone contact.

When he goes in, it’s empty; no sign of anything out of the ordinary happening.

He scans the space warily, feeling jumpy and nervous, but nothing happens and he mumbles, “I know I saw something, I’m not crazy.”

He hears a soft popping noise and then, “Well, we’re all a little crazy,” from behind him and he turns with a sharp gasp.

“Oh, my god, who are you?” Kurt yells, maybe a little too loud because the black-haired boy winces slightly and all three of them step back a little. “What the hell are you doing in my mom’s studio?”

“Your mom’s studio?” the black-haired guy scoffs. “This is our studio!”

The tall blonde guy bounces forward. “Yeah, like, the piano’s new, but -- ” He looks to the right and his face lights up. “My couch!” he calls, running over and jumping straight onto it.

The girl -- hair black and in braids -- rolls her eyes. “Not your couch, Sam.”

The blonde -- Sam? -- sits up indignantly, stabbing a finger in the cushions. “Hey, I spent more time on this couch than any of you. Pretty sure it’s mine at this point.”

Kurt just watches them with wide eyes, jaw hanging open, with absolutely no idea what to do.

“But these aren’t our instruments,” the black-haired guy says warily, looking around. At some point he and the girl have linked arms, Kurt notices. He watches as they all take in the studio, faces getting increasingly confused and worried. Kurt raises an eyebrow that apparently can go higher than it already is.

“Because… it’s my mom’s studio…” he manages to say again, mind still whirling at the hurricane of new and completely nonsensical information.

“Can you just -- give us a minute?” Sam says, jumping over the coffee table to join his friends. They turn away to talk in a huddle, and Kurt stands awkwardly as they talk in failed attempts at hushed tones.

Tina’s trying to ignore the pounding of her possibly-only-theoretical heart -- she’s dead, how can she even feel a heartbeat -- as she watches Blaine and Sam talk to the… living person in front of them. Sam makes his usual comment about “his couch” and Tina snarks back with her usual response and it gives her some comfort, some familiarity even in this studio which should feel like home, has for so long, and it still does to an extent, but everything here is suddenly different.

The comment does send the strange boy’s attention back to her, though, which she doesn’t really like. Blaine wraps an arm around hers and she squeezes his forearm in gratitude. He did that a lot when they were alive -- knew how and when to offer her his touch to reassure her a little.

At least there’s something that’s still the same.

At least her boys are still the same.

She tries to focus on Blaine’s arm in hers, on Sam’s dumb comments as he comes bounding back to them, hissing, “Guys, what is going on here?”

Tina shrugs. Blaine whispers, “Who is he?”

“He can hear you,” the person in question says pointedly from behind them, but Sam ignores him and says, “Maybe he’s a witch.” He looks up, pointing. “There are chairs on the ceiling.”

“There’s no such thing as witches,” Tina hisses.

“Are you sure?” Sam shoots back. “Because I used to think there was no such thing as ghosts!”

Tina swallows. “That’s fair.”

“So we’re going with witch?” Blaine asks.

“No!” Tina waves her hands at both of them. “No, come on. You guys are just -- he’s probably just overwhelmed, okay? Let someone with a softer touch handle this.”

Maybe “softer touch” wasn’t the right phrase to use in this instance, she thinks, but she really just wants answers and figures she might as well be straightforward. “Why are you in our studio?” she asks, maybe a little too aggressively, stepping up to the alive stranger.

He looks down with a shocked expression and Tina realizes she accidentally got close enough to touch him -- or… pass her hand through his, partially. They both watch as he brings his hand through hers again. It’s a weird feeling -- warm and kind of tingly, or like she’s putting her hand through water.

“Oh my god,” he says, eyes wide. “How did you do that?”

Tina raises their eyebrows a little. “Okay, clearly you don’t -- clearly, he doesn’t get it,” she says, addressing the guys behind her. She turns back to the stranger, gesturing to herself and the others as she explains, “We’re ghosts. We’re just three ghosts, and we’re really happy to be home, so… thank you for the flowers; they really brighten up the room.” She tries to smile at him.

“We’re actually in a band called Sunset Curve,” Blaine pipes up, stepping up to flank her on the left.

“Tell your friends!” chimes Sam on her right.

“Last night was a really big night for us,” Blaine says, a little sadly. “It was gonna change our lives.”

Tina whispers, “Uh, I’m pretty sure it did.” Blaine huffs and elbows her gently.

“This is freaking me out,” the stranger says, shaking his head as he takes something from his pocket.

“What is that; what are you doing?” Blaine asks.

Alive Stranger looks up, fingers still touching the face of the object. “It’s my phone -- nope, stop talking to them! There’s no such thing as cute ghosts,” he says, seemingly to himself.

Sam gasps. “Think we’re cute?” He raises an eyebrow, making one of his insufferable Sam faces; Tina almost laughs.

The boy looks up again with wide eyes, gaze flitting to each of them as if watching for a reaction, swallowing and going back to his phone.

“Who’re you calling?” Tina asks, trying to see the side facing him because that doesn’t look like any phone she’s ever seen.

“I’m googling Sunset Swerve.”

“Sunset Curve!” Blaine, Sam, and Tina correct him at the same time, Sam drawing a curve in the air with his finger.

The stranger laughs nervously, staring at them with wide eyes and then back at his phone. “Okay… so there is a Sunset Curve.” He swallows again. “You guys did die. But not last night.” Tina’s stomach drops a little; Blaine and Sam get closer.

“Twenty-five… years ago,” the boy finishes, a confused look in his eyes.

Tina barely has time to register this before Sam says, “That’s impossible. All we did after we floated out of the car was go to that weird dark room where Tina cried.”

Her mouth drops open. “I wasn’t -- I -- we -- ” she squeaks, voice jumping up an octave. “I think we were all pretty upset,” she says, but she supposes Sam is right.

He pats her back and doesn’t have a chance to respond again because Blaine steps in, “That was just for, like, an hour, though. We just showed up here.” Tina and Sam nod.

“Look,” the living one says, finally turning his “phone” toward them. They lean forward to see a screen with a photo of them -- and Artie, Tina thinks distantly; she feels his absence acutely and it spikes through her chest -- taken for their summer tour, and a bunch of small text around it that she can’t read, a bold headline at the top reading, Sunset Curve: A Hollywood Tragedy. “I’m just telling you what my phone says,” he explains. “You guys died in 1995. It’s now 2020.”

“So this is the future?” Sam asks incredulously as the boy pulls his phone back. Something else sticks out in Tina’s mind, though.

“So -- it has been twenty-five years,” she says, pausing to gather her thoughts. “I have been crying for twenty-five years -- how is that possible?!”

“You’re a very emotional person,” Sam reasons.

“I am not!” she insists, but the tears already pressing in the back of her throat want to prove otherwise. Distantly, she reminds herself that she’s with her friends who’ve seen it all and she doesn’t need to hold back, but the presence of this complete stranger also overrides the ease of her relationship with the guys. Sam rubs a comforting hand over her shoulder, and she swallows the tears down.

Alive Stranger shakes his head. “I gotta go… eat dinner,” he says slowly. He turns back around once he’s walked past the three of them and says, “Look, I’m really sorry for what happened to you guys, but this isn’t your studio anymore. You have to leave.”

“But we -- ” Blaine starts, starting to go forward but a sharp glare stops him and he clears his throat. “We didn’t even get your name.”

“It’s Kurt,” the stranger snaps.

“Cool, I’m -- Blaine,” Blaine says hesitantly. “And this is…”

“Sam, hey.”

“Tina, how’s it going…”

“Ba-da,” Blaine sings weakly, gesturing his hands in front of them like he’s presenting them to Kurt.

They all watch for Kurt’s reaction, but he just sighs and leaves the studio. He leaves the doors open, probably to remind them that they technically just got kicked out of their studio -- or, Kurt’s mom’s studio -- someone’s studio, but really it’s been their home for so long…

“Kurt seems nice,” Sam says cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood.

Tina turns to him. “Did you miss the part where he kicked us out, or…” she says drily. Sam shrugs, a hint of a smirk on his face. “Okay,” Tina mutters, turning to wander around the studio some more. If they’re going to be kicked out, she wants to spend as much more time as she can here.

Kurt’s mind is a storm. He doesn’t know where to start with this new information -- with an evening that took such a sharp turn from reminiscing and sad and somewhat painful into just… something so completely different and unexpected.

Dinner Kurt can do. He can put the craziness of ghosts aside because dinner is easy, dinner is simple; dinner is important.

His dad has already set everything out so Kurt takes his seat across from him, sending a not-completely-true nvm everything’s fine, sorry for worrying you text to Mercedes, who finally got back to him at some point when he was distracted…

Distracted talking to ghosts.

“How’s it going?” Burt asks as he sits down and it takes Kurt a second to remember he must be talking about cleaning the studio, and not actually about ghost musicians.

Ghosts don’t exist. There are no ghosts in the garage. Don’t think about ghosts.

“It’s good,” Kurt says, poking at his food a little. “I’m starting with the loft.”

Burt smiles. “Those old instruments need a home.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, returning the smile. “Mom would like that.”

The instruments probably belong to some ghosts, Kurt realizes, but… nothing he can really do about that. And that’s if the ghosts can even touch objects.

They eat in comfortable silence for a while and then Burt sets down his fork. Kurt looks up apprehensively.

“So I got an email from the school today,” he starts. Kurt fiddles with his fork and drops his gaze.

“Hey, it’s okay, Kurt, I’m not mad,” Burt promises.

You should be, Kurt thinks -- all that money spent for him to audition for and attend the music program, and for private lessons and sheet music and piano maintenance, just for him to throw it all away.

“I know those classes can be hard,” his dad says, and Kurt almost can’t take his gentle tone, feels guilty about it even though he appreciates it. “But… you still like music, don’t you?”

Kurt shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe?”

“I know the memories are hard, believe me, Kurt. But, every time I see you, I see Mom, you know? And I love that, I really do. Maybe, if you give yourself a chance, you can, too.” Kurt looks up hesitantly to see his dad’s gentle, loving expression and eyes slightly glassy with tears. Looking down again, he swallows, and nods.

“Yeah,” he says quietly. “I will. I’ll try.”

Because what he said to Mercedes earlier on the staircase is true, but… he’ll always try harder for his dad.

“It’s okay, Kurt,” Burt assures him. “We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

Kurt smiles and almost starts eating again, but music suddenly blares from outside, startling both of them, Kurt barely holding back a loud swear.

“What is that?” Burt says, getting up but Kurt rushes to reassure him, saying quickly, “I must have just left the CD player on in the garage! It’s fine, I’ll go get it!”

He runs back to the studio where the ghosts are still there apparently, and have somehow gotten instruments from the loft and set everything up to start playing, and play really loudly -- and it honestly sounds good but Kurt can’t focus on that because they’re going to disturb the entire neighborhood and get the cops called on them for a noise complaint and what is he supposed to say -- no officer, it was just the three ghosts in the garage being idiots, sorry?

Kurt yells for them to stop but it’s useless; he can barely even hear himself over how incredibly loudly they’re playing. Blaine, on an electric guitar that Kurt remembers seeing in the loft, turns and sees Kurt, walking towards him and finally playing one last chord when Kurt makes a horizontal cutting motion with his hand, and Sam, on the bass, follows, Tina playing one last short drum roll, looking up with a wide grin.

They all look… alive, Kurt thinks, despite literally being dead, so different from the confusion he left them with -- relaxed and loose and faces lit up, the energy flowing through them almost visible. If he didn’t know they were ghosts and made of air, he’d expect to be able to reach out and feel them, breaths hot and fast from the exertion and adrenaline, skin warm and slightly sweaty, hearts beating strong like the steady percussion of their band.

It reminds him of how music used to make him feel.

“Cut it out!” Kurt snaps, trying not to raise his voice too much. “The whole neighborhood could hear you! I thought I told you to leave!”

Blaine looks back at his bandmates, bewildered. “People -- people can hear us play?”

“Yes!” Kurt says exasperatedly. “My dad heard you from inside!”

“… What did he think?” Blaine asks after a moment. Kurt opens his mouth for an irritated response --

“Everything okay in here?”

Kurt whips around to see his dad in the doorway and smiles with wide eyes. “Yeah! I just -- had to turn off the CD player,” he lies.

People have told Kurt before that he’s a good liar; he really hopes that’s true after the evening he’s had -- he's having.

Burt’s attention is elsewhere, though, seemingly forgetting about the chaos from just a moment earlier. “Wait, is this the junk that was in the loft?” he says, excitedly eyeing the instruments and… the ghosts that he can’t see.

“Junk?” Blaine exclaims. Tina stands up, her eyes on Burt, drumsticks gripped tightly in one hand.

They all watch apprehensively as Burt weaves through the instruments, even going so far as to rattle Tina’s cymbals and tap the drums, much to her horror. She fixes Kurt with wide, urgent eyes, to which Kurt just shrugs and gives her a helpless look. Hey Dad, actually, the ghost drummer wants you to stop, so…

“Hey, this stuff’s in pretty good shape,” Burt says excitedly. “Maybe we can make a couple bucks, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees weakly, mostly just watching as Tina fails to push Burt away from the drums.

“I like the song you had on,” Burt says, finally stepping away from the instruments. Tina rubs down a cymbal with her sleeve.

“Sweet! We’re Sunset Curve,” Blaine pipes up.

“Tell your friends!” Sam says, to a fond eye-roll from Tina.

“It’s just an old CD I found,” Kurt says, ripping his attention from the ghosts.

“Well, it’s nice that you’re listening to music again,” Burt says sincerely. “Out here, you can play whatever you want, whenever you want.” He waves his hands out on either side for emphasis, going through Sam and Blaine’s bodies. Kurt chuckles weakly.

“Oh,” Sam says, looking down at where Burt’s hand was in his stomach just a moment before. “That’s nice.”

“Stay out of this,” Kurt hisses.

“Sorry, Kurt, I’m just trying to help -- ”

“Oh! No, not you, Dad,” Kurt says quickly. For fuck’s sake -- “Just -- just give me a minute -- ” He starts pulling his dad toward the door. Burt stops him and says, “Hey, we’re gonna figure out this music program thing, okay?”

“Thanks, Dad,” Kurt says with a smile, and gestures for him to leave.

Once Burt is out of sight, he turns back to the ghosts.

“Wait -- ” Tina waves her drumsticks around a little. “So -- only you can see us, but everyone can hear us?” Kurt nods in confirmation. “What kind of ghosts are we?” Tina says.

“Who cares, dude!” Sam says, stepping up to Tina’s drum kit with a grin. “People can hear us play!” The three exchange fist-bumps as Blaine says happily, “We might be dead, but our music isn’t.”

“And Kurt’s dad likes our music!” Sam cheers.

“He’s a dad, it doesn’t count,” Tina mumbles, smiling and pushing Sam playfully when he turns to her with an offended look.

Confusion and annoyance bubble up inside Kurt along with something like anger at, just, all of it and he groans and says loudly, “Why can’t you guys just be normal ghosts? You know, go hang out at an old mansion or something! I hear Pasadena’s nice!” and turns to leave, slamming the door on his way out.

He just… has had too much going on today. He needs to -- ignore his homework and the problem with school and maybe just sleep in for the next two days. That would be really nice.

He’s so caught up in his head and he jumps and yells when a ghost appears in front of him with no warning.

“Don’t do that!” Kurt exclaims.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Blaine says quickly. “ -- You do know how rad this is though, right? People -- people can hear us play!”

“Yeah, good for you,” Kurt replies, a little too harshly. “It’s just that I’ve had a really, really, awful day. I’ve gotta go.”

He walks past Blaine just to turn around again when he says, “I’m really sorry you had a bad day.” Kurt nods; he can tell Blaine wants to say more, so he waits.

Blaine continues slowly, “I just… three ghosts just found out they had a bad twenty-five years, and then they find out that the one thing they lived for in the first place, they can still do. So you can kick us out, but -- we’re not giving up music. We can play again; that’s a gift no musician would ever turn down,” he says earnestly, eyes wide and almost pleading.

That hurts in Kurt’s chest a little more than it should and he looks down again to avoid the passion and excitement shining clearly in Blaine’s eyes, in his voice, in his words. He swallows down the feeling that statement unearths inside of him, but suddenly his bad day is at the forefront of his mind again -- his bad year.

That’s a gift no musician would ever turn down … some musician he is, then. But he already knew that.

Blaine says softly, “You’ve gotta know that. Clearly your mom is into music.”

Kurt swallows. “Was,” he says, monotone and quiet. “She passed away.”

He hates that it’s become easier to say; he wants to either spit the words out or break down sobbing but he manages to keep his voice steady. (In the back of his mind, he wonders why he just told that to a random ghost he just met. Maybe he’s just going crazy. He’s literally talking to ghosts, after all.)

Blaine’s face falls. “I -- I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

“Yeah, we -- we didn’t know,” Sam says quietly. He and Tina have also left the studio, standing on the other side of the low wall separating the garage area from the pathway back to the house. They look up with sympathetic eyes and Kurt looks away from them too -- can’t meet any of their wide, well-meaning gazes right now.

“It’s fine,” he dismisses. “Sorry I got mad.” The ghosts are thankfully looking at each other now, seemingly silent conversation passing between their glances. “You guys are pretty good,” Kurt says, trying to change the subject and lighten the atmosphere.

Blaine raises an eyebrow, turning his gaze back to Kurt. “‘Pretty good’? You know that’s just, like, 25 years of rust being dusted off, right?”

“Do you play, too?” Tina asks.

“No, no, I don’t play.” It’s not exactly a lie anymore but it scrapes in Kurt’s throat with his haste to answer. “That’s all my mom’s stuff in there.”

“She’s an amazing songwriter,” Blaine says.

“Yeah, she was,” Kurt answers. “Wait… how do you know?”

Blaine opens his mouth, glancing at the others for a second. “We found a song on the piano,” he says. “If it’s hers… your mom was really talented.”

Kurt nods. She really, really was.

He feels like he doesn’t have the energy to say it again, so he just stays quiet. Somewhat awkwardly, he turns to leave, sensing the end of the conversation and part of him desperately wanting to just leave and not have to see these ghosts again….

So Kurt surprises even himself when he pauses and turns back to face them. “I guess,” he starts, and their gazes snap back up to him. “If you need a place to stay… you can stay in there.” He nods toward the studio and the ghosts’ faces light up. Kurt can’t help but smile back. “There’s a couch that turns into a bed, and in the back there’s a bathroom with a shower, if you still need any of that stuff.”

“Awesome!” Sam exclaims quietly, earning an elbow in the side and a questioning look from Tina. “What? Dude, I just really like showers,” he defends.

Tina rolls her eyes. Kurt takes a breath, raising his hands to gesture vaguely at the three of them. “This is just… too weird.” He nods to himself, finally leaving this time, leaving the ghosts to… do what they will.

The fact that there are ghosts in his mom’s studio…. Maybe there’s a chance that Mom knows them -- sent them, he thinks… but decides to not get his hopes up. She’s gone and he needs to just keep it at that.

What he really wants is to tell Mercedes, but he doesn’t know how.

What would you say if I told you there were three ghosts living in my mom’s studio? Kurt thinks on his way back to his room.

You’d say I’m crazy.

It’s some point in the night; they figured out that they don’t need to sleep -- can’t sleep, it seems like, which is honestly really annoying in Tina’s opinion because they’re ghosts with literally nothing to do for too many hours at a time -- so they’re just hanging out in the studio, with the lights outside giving them a little visibility through the garage windows, but it’s kind of nice to just sit in the dark.

Tina has been on the couch with Sam, lying on their backs, heads in opposite directions, legs pressed up against each other. Sam’s bass is unplugged, laid on his stomach and extending over Tina’s legs. He plucks out notes and Tina accompanies with a soft beat using just her hands and body parts as instruments. Sometimes it’s a familiar bassline -- a Sunset Curve song rehearsed or performed or recorded before -- and they also hum the harmonies that they know, and sometimes they improvise -- Tina storing the good bits in her mind for a future writing session.

Blaine is in the loft where they hoped a light could be on and maybe go unnoticed. Tina assumes that he’s writing; he always was when they were alive. And of course, now he has 25 years of dark room and relative nothingness to catch up on writing about.

It feels like another quiet night from when they were alive, each of them with an excuse to escape their homes for the night, and they’d all crash here, filling the studio with soft music and noise. Blaine would stay up writing and sometimes singing while Sam and Tina (and Artie) would try to sleep, telling him to stop humming, or, since the main house inhabitants who would care about the noise were rarely there, they would sometimes join along with him and make it a Sunset Curve midnight rehearsal.

They’ve never had the best sleep schedules anyway.

Tina giggles quietly as she and Sam play into nothingness, both parts running uncontrolled and unable to get back on track. They both stop and Sam starts playing a familiar line -- parts they’d worked out before with bass, drums, and both guitars, but never actually put into a song. Tina waits for a moment to come in with her part.

She’s nearly startled off the couch when Blaine poofs down beside the couch with his guitar and starts his part. Tina starts laughing -- probably too loud but they’re pretty sure only their music can be heard anyway -- and slides off the couch to sit on the ground, picking the drumming back up on her legs.

“You guys wanna check out this teleportation thing?” Blaine asks, playing the challenging guitar riff meant for electric guitar messily on his acoustic without a pick.

Sam sits up and puts his bass to the side. “Absolutely,” he says. “Where’re we going?”

“I have an idea,” Blaine says, setting his guitar down. He pulls Tina up and extends a hand out for Sam. “I think I can take you guys with me.”

“What?” Tina squeaks, but a second later, she’s sitting far above the ground, outside, on top of the marquee of the Orpheum. “Oh my god,” she mutters, looking down dizzily at the people passing by on the sidewalk. Her body tingles with a weird uncomfortable energy for just a few seconds before it fades.

“Yes!” Blaine laughs, kicking his legs up excitedly. “I mean, I know being a ghost isn’t our first choice, but it sure is easy getting around!”

“Easy for you, maybe!” Sam cries on Blaine’s other side. “I lost my shirt on that one!”

Tina looks over and sure enough, Sam is shirtless. She stifles a laugh behind her hand. “Like that’s a concern,” she pipes up, but Sam’s shirt appears right as she says it. They all laugh and sit in silence for a moment.

“So why’d you bring us here?” Tina asks, looking out across Hollywood Boulevard, the new and old buildings and shops, the people and cars of the future. The light of the Orpheum’s neon sign shines in her periphery, same as it did on a night twenty-five years ago. “Just another reminder of where we never got to play,” she says wryly, turning to face Blaine on her left, patting his shoulder. “Thanks, Blaine.”

Blaine rolls his eyes. “I’m telling you guys, it’s not over yet!” Tina reappears on the sidewalk right below them, almost losing her balance and falling through a person walking past. She shoots a glare at Blaine for teleporting them with no warning again, but he just grins back and starts down the sidewalk, Sam following. “Let’s see how many places we can play tonight, yeah? Check out the music scene of the future? And no trouble getting into those clubs anymore!”

Tina laughs, falling into step with them. She watches Sam walk straight through someone going in the opposite direction and doesn’t realize someone is in her way, which shouldn't be a problem, until she bumps into them.

She feels them.

“Hey!” she says involuntarily, turning to see who it was -- another ghost? A tall man with a cape and top hat nods at her with an acknowledging and almost menacing gleam in his eye, then turns again and walks away.

He could see her, he could touch her -- he has to be another ghost, right?

“Tina, you coming?” Sam calls. She swallows and takes one last look, the other ghost having disappeared among the other people on the sidewalk, before turning and running to catch back up with the guys.

“I just ran into someone,” she says, a little breathless -- she doesn’t know if that’s from running, which she doesn’t think she can actually get breathless from, or the fact that she ran into someone.

“Another ghost?” Blaine says.

“I mean, it has to be, right? Uh, Kurt -- Kurt can see us but he can’t touch us…”

“And his dad couldn’t either,” Sam adds.

“It must have been another ghost. He looked like a… performer, or something.” Tina wrinkles their nose a little as she remembers his whole get-up, completely out of place among what she’s seen so far of 21st century street fashion. (But then again, so is she, and her friends.)

“… I guess we’re not alone, then,” Blaine says, breaking a short bewildered silence.

“We’re never alone!” Sam exclaims, walking between them to throw his arms around Blaine and Tina’s shoulders. Tina laughs and grabs his forearm, mystery ghost forgotten for the time being.

Blaine responds with a grin, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Kurt wakes up earlier than usual the next morning. He thinks he still has school -- he doesn’t know how being removed from the music program works, but no one told him not to come and besides, he does have non-music classes to keep up with, even if he doesn’t necessarily want to. He gets ready as usual, leaving breakfast out for his dad, and there’s still half an hour before Mercedes should be getting here.

Perfect. There’s something he needs to try by himself… for himself.

He heads out to the studio with his things, a fluttering feeling in his stomach, but it’s different from the feeling before he tried to play in class yesterday, like the butterflies had turned to stone and were rolling around inside him, weighing him down and making him nauseous. This time it’s promising, hopeful, familiar -- butterflies fluttering normally, peacefully.

The room is empty when Kurt pushes the doors open and drops his backpack by the entrance.

“Guys?” he calls hesitantly, to no response.

He wonders if he should be worried about where the ghosts might be, or relieved for if they really did leave after all, since that is what he wanted… but he realizes relief is not at all what he feels at that possibility.

But if the ghosts aren’t here, then all the better for what he wants to do, so he decides to ignore their absence for now.

Kurt walks up to the grand piano in the middle of the room, thinking. There’s something… something deep loosening in his chest -- something about Blaine and the others and their intense passion for music that is so different from the intense judgment and competition at school that made it so impossible for him to play yesterday.

The way Blaine had talked about music…

The one thing they lived for in the first place -- they can still do.

A gift.

Kurt spreads out the sheet music that he found yesterday, just placed on the piano lid without a glance and it’s still there, so Blaine and the others must have just taken a look at it. He recognizes his mother’s handwriting, achingly familiar and beautiful in a minimalistic way, the neat notes and lyrics, clean and legible even without the help of staff lines. His heart stutters and he gasps a little as he reads some of it -- he recognizes the song. Something his mom told him she was writing when she got sick.

Kurt used to be so involved in her songwriting, but as she got worse and Kurt grew away from the piano (and from his voice), he never asked about this song.

She’d finished it.

Here’s the one thing I want you to know, you got someplace to go…

And he needs to hear it.

His fingers tremble slightly as he places them gingerly on the keys over the starting notes of the song. It feels completely different than it did yesterday; he doesn’t know if it’s the lack of teacher and students watching, the insanity of yesterday evening in between, the song itself… but the stones turned back into butterflies and it almost feels like it did before….

He wants to play, to make music. For the first time in a year, he actually feels like he can. And he needs to.

And if -- when -- it unlocks the memories… he thinks he’s ready.

Kurt takes a deep breath and plays.

#i somehow added like 25 words in my final edit just now lol #idk if anyone really cares but suspend ur disbelief at kurt singing julie's songs XD #i definitely know it probably would not work with her songs as is #they have Very different voices i am aware but i'm also too lazy to do anything about it so . they can be adjusted #to fit his voice right lol i just have no idea how that works 🤪 i just play piano and even then not really 🥴#so just like imagineee lol #i love how in the last part i said what would be endgame in this fic but like #damn i don't have any idea what's happening past what happens in the actual jatp show and #even then idk what's gonna happen within those bc it's not exactly the same 😂#lol but those ships Will probably like #have hints or something if that makes any sense laksdhgdjfs anywayyyy #kurt and the phantoms #my ficsssss #glee fic #glee #idk how i tag things lmao i think that's good enough XD #DRUMMER TINA DRUMMER TINA DRUMMER TINA #oh my god it's finally happening skdghsdhdkghdhjfhgjfgh #i've been working on this since my family went on vacation at the end of june so like two months fuckdghjfdkl #anyway lol hope y'all likeeeee 🥺💖#omg we're at 79 pages of google doc total lol

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mcwriting · 4 years

Text

Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

In which the reader is the musical guest at Saturday Night Live the same week Tom Holland is hosting.

Ship: Reader x Tom Holland

Word Count: 5747 (what in the heck?? my longest piece ever lol)

Warnings: Mild alcohol consumption

Rating: K

Preface: I mention the NBC page program, which is like an intense internship/fellowship with the company where college grads work with at least 3 parts of the company over a year to get job exposure. A lot of famous actors and actresses were pages!

***

Walking into 30 Rockefeller Center on Wednesday afternoon was a surreal experience for sure. As a young NBC page led you through hallways and up to studio 8H, you were getting butterflies.

On one side of the hall was a sign for studio 8G, which hosted Late Night with Seth Meyers, but the page turned the other way, guiding you through doors to the Saturday Night Live studio.

There was hustle and bustle all around you as she took you to your green room, which had a sign printed with your name on it over an NYC skyline. You almost pinched yourself.

You had known for about a month that you’d be performing as the musical guest for SNL the upcoming weekend, but now that you were here for your first rehearsal, things were getting real.

When your manager had asked if you wanted to play the show, she’d been met by your enthusiastic “YES! Are you kidding me?!” It was even better when she mentioned who the host would be:

Tom Holland.

You’d watched every season of SNL since you were probably in middle school. You could easily name off every cast member but would have to remember to keep your cool until after Saturday.

Another thing you’d need to stay cool about was Spiderman himself. You had the biggest crush on him, but who your age didn’t? He was charming and British, disregarding physical features. You were most nervous to meet him.

The page let you put your things down and took you to Lorne Michael’s office where he and some of the production team wanted to talk to you about your set. You’d only get two songs, but one of the writers also asked if you’d want to be in a couple sketches, too.

Later that evening would be the normal pitch meeting, where writers who’d spent all Tuesday afternoon and night into the early hours of Wednesday writing finally got to show the host and cast their ideas. They’d narrow it down to eight, so you were surprised they wanted you in not one, but two sketches.

It wasn’t difficult to say yes to that. You wouldn’t be present for the pitch meeting, however, because in just a few short hours you’d be heading down to studio 6B to film a segment for Jimmy Fallon’s show.

Your management team stayed behind at the hotel to work on details for a couple concerts you had and were planning to head up to the studio before your interview.

After the meeting, you were shown around to familiarize yourself with the studio and stage before starting your first rehearsal. For one song, it would be just you and a piano, but the other song would have a band playing while you sang and did some limited choreography.

You sat in front of the keys of a beautiful grand piano, stretching your fingers. Someone requested you play one of your songs, so you looked around, as if asking for permission. Everyone in the room nodded for you to play, so you began the tune of your favorite song from your album.

Your voice wasn’t warm and there wasn’t a mic on you, but you got lost in the lyrics and chords like you always did. By the song’s end, you’d drawn a small crowd. They clapped and you blushed when you finished, closing the lid and standing to do a sheepish curtsy.

Most of the small crowd dissipated and you were talking to some crew about stage setup when someone interrupted you.

“Sorry to bother, but that was incredible. Can’t wait to hear how good you’ll be this weekend,” said a male voice with a distinct London accent. You turned to find Tom Holland right in front of you.

“Oh, well, thank you! I- I uh, didn’t expect to meet you so soon,” you stuttered, thrusting out a hand. “Y/n y/l/n.”

He gripped your hand firmly and shook it, nodding his head once, too.

“Tom Holland. You know I was excited when I heard you’d be performing the same week I host. The last film I did, we listened to your music like, all the time. You could say I’m a fan.”

Was this real? Tom Holland was a fan of you!? You chuckled.

“I could definitely say the same for you. I love your movies. ‘Been a fan for years.”

You both smiled happily and Tom was about to respond when the page who’d been showing you around the whole time came up.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Miss y/l/n, they’ve asked to get your measurements in costuming if that’s okay.”

“Oh! Yes of course!” you said to her, then turned to Tom. “Sorry. It was nice meeting you! See you around?”

“Of course! Nice meeting you also!”

As the young girl led you away again, you missed where a younger brother of Tom said to him,

“Think you’re in love yet?”

***

After an eventful visit at the Tonight Show that included you and Jimmy playing box of lies and performing one of your songs for the audience, you headed back up to 8H alone.

You’d remembered leaving something in your dressing room and had let your team go on back to the hotel without you. You’d felt confident that you could sneak back to your hotel safely without causing a big ruckus. It was only a few blocks away.

You were digging in your bag for your phone when you bumped into someone. Each of you said a quick “oh, sorry!” before looking to see who the other was.

It was Tom again.

You hadn’t realized before, but his room was the one right next to yours. It made sense, both of you being guests and all, but you were still caught off guard.

“Headed out?” he asked. You felt yourself blushing a little.

“Yeah, well. I just finished at Fallon’s and they don’t need me back here until tomorrow so I’m heading back to my hotel to order pizza for my whole team and then crash,” you laughed.

“Oh yeah? That sounds about like what we’re doing,” Tom gestured back to his brother and best friend, who you shook hands with gladly.

You talked as you wound through the halls and quickly realized you were all staying at the same place.

“That’s crazy! We were just going to get a cab if you want to just come with us. I’m already paying for it, so...” he offered. You were surprised.

“What? No, no, I couldn’t just ride on your coattails like that,” you started.

“No seriously, y/n. It’s fine! We’re literally all going to the same place and no one can bother us from a taxi cab. You don’t even have to talk to us if you don’t want to.”

You looked at the other two boys questioningly and they nodded, encouragingly nodding for you to accept the offer.

“Okay, okay! If all of you are fine with it, I’ll come.”

They cheered and you continued in happy conversation as you headed downstairs. A doorman called a cab for you and you piled in. Harry took the front and you offered to take the middle, sandwiched between Harrison and Tom.

Never in a million years had you expected to be in such close proximity to one, much less all, of them. It was a short drive and the driver took you to a back entrance, the place celebrities usually entered.

You still weren’t quite used to the star life. Up until you’d hit it big, it was normal for you to do pretty much everything yourself and stay in relatively cheap hotels like any other person.

Now, your management team handled most things and you were staying in five star places with secret celebrity entrances and prices that would probably make your grandmother faint.

Inside, you’d also realized you were on the same floor, both of you staying in large suites used by many elites over the years. You parted ways, anticipating seeing each other in the morning for rehearsals and later that evening when you’d be doing Seth Meyers’ show together.

***

The studio was buzzing when you entered Thursday morning. Your small team headed straight for the dressing room as you were taken away to a sketch read. Both sketches the writers had asked you about had been greenlit, so you were excited to work on them

“Morning, y/n. How was the pizza?” Tom asked cheekily when you first walked in. A couple of people passing by gave strange looks but said nothing.

“Well, who doesn’t love a good New York slice, huh? I’d say it was pretty darn good. And you?”

“We ended up getting room service, but pizza’s definitely next on my list,” he joked before you were handed scripts and asked to review them. The writers and cast were trying to figure out some basic spacing as you looked over your lines and cues.

You finally got to work rehearsing the two sketches. You broke a couple times when Kate landed a punchline and when Beck accidentally tripped.

When they decided to move on from those, you where whisked away to wardrobe and makeup to shoot "bumper” stills and videos, the photos and clips between sketches and commercial breaks.

You were excited to see how they envisioned your style and personality and would bring it to life. The photographer collaborated with you and shot some really incredible photos, both serious and goofy.

Next you were back in music rehearsals figuring out more about the staging and running some diagnostic sound checks. Once lunchtime came around, your stomach was growling.

You just barely caught Tom as you went for lunch, he was finishing up as you built your plate. As it always seemed, you only got a few words in with each other before someone was dragging Tom off for his own photoshoot.

You got to talk to Harry and Harrison for a little bit, too, until your manager asked to have a quick meeting about your schedule. Once you were free, you were taken to costuming to try a few things on and figure out hair styles that would fit the show.

There were more music rehearsals and you read the new scripts (as they had already been rewritten twice now). You were pretty tired by the time someone asked you to head across the hall to prepare for Late Night.

You grabbed a quick bite to eat on your way out of 8H and finished is by the time you were in the doors of 8G and a page led you to your green room, once again located next to Tom’s.

Since you were both doing SNL together, you and Tom were going to be interviewed together, but you also had the added bonus of being the musical guest again.

You only needed to rehearse a couple times to get the sound down (it’s not like it’s live, so you could easily restart if something went wrong). Once you were finished, they brought in the studio audience and you got a chance to go back to your green room and chill for a little while.

Seth had a couple other guests, so while you were waiting, you knocked on Tom’s door to greet him and discuss the talking points each of your management had given Seth.

As the in-house band was warming up, Seth came into the room.

“Well I didn’t expect to see both of you in here,” he joked, shaking both of you hands. Tom had been on the show before, but this was your first time meeting the host.

After a couple minutes, Seth was informed of the time and made his leave, going out to meet his audience and begin taping. After his monologue and the first guest, you and Tom were called to the stage.

“Now for our nexts guests we have both the host and musical guest of this weekend’s Saturday Night Live, Tom Holland and y/n y/l/n! Come on out here!”

Tom gestured for you to go ahead of him, so you walked out, waving to the cheering crowd. You took the seat nearest to Seth’s desk.

“Well hello, there. Good to see you two,” he greeted as you settled in. “Welcome back, Tom, and welcome for the first time, y/n.”

“Wait this is your first time here?” Tom asked incredulously. You laughed.

“Yeah! Up until a few months ago like, no one knew who I was. Not even Seth!” you poked right back. Seth jokingly agreed.

The interview went well, both of you telling some funny stories and explaining how the week was going. Finally, you cut for a commercial.

“Alright we’ll return with y/n and Tom after this short break!”

You were right back to the interview after the commercial “break.” Towards the end of it, you all got off on the subject of alcohol.

“You are 21, right?” Tom asked you. You rolled your eyes and gave an exaggerated hair flip.

“Yes, I am of the legal age. You should know as well as anyone what it’s like to have a baby face,” you roasted, causing the audience to go “ohh!” and Tom and Seth to raise their eyebrows.

“Wow looks like we’ve got a little rivalry now. The real question is who can handle their alcohol better. I think we oughta bring you two back for my day drinking segment to settle this!”

Both of you overconfidently pointed at yourselves when Seth asked who was better with alcohol.

“Now that’s an idea I can get behind!” you exclaimed before the interview finally wrapped up and you got ready to go sing. Tom and Seth stayed at the desk while you performed, which thankfully only took one shot.

As you wrapped up the show, you gave final waves to the audience and then headed offstage. You and Tom walked through the halls together and Seth caught up with you after finishing his outro.

He thanked you both for being on the show, you took a few pictures, then talked for a while. Seth was eventually called away to look at something, so you said your goodbyes to him and continued towards the green rooms.

“You were great tonight. Your voice is phenomenal,” Tom said to you. “and honestly I can’t believe you haven’t been doing talkshows that long. You’re a natural.”

“I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I love to talk about myself,” you quipped. “But seriously, thank you. Everything leading up to now has happened so fast, it’s hard to really gauge if things are going well or not.”

“I can relate to that. It’s hard, but having my family and brothers helps keep me grounded, you know? Harrison, too. They know that they can call me out and, yeah, I might get mad at first, but I understand that they’re keeping me from getting a big head.”

“Yeah I can’t imagine how overnight it must have been for you. My family and friends definitely don’t miss the chance to poke a little fun here and there to keep my ego down, too. You know, it’s nice talking to someone who understands for once. I love them, but unfortunately they’ll never fully get what it’s like, but you do,” you smiled.

You talked a little more, then spilt off to actually go to get ready to leave the building for the night. The upcoming Friday was going to be a long one.

Once again, you let your manager and assistant and everyone leave ahead of you. Regardless of whether you would hitch a ride with Tom again, you could find your way around easily.

You waited by the door until you heard their voices nearing and the boys came into the hallway.

“Oh y/n, you’re still here, too,” Harry said.

“Yeah, I was trying to decide what to do for dinner tonight before I head back to the hotel.”

“Well we’re going to grab some pizza if you want to join us,” Harrison offered happily, causing Tom to look at him funny.

“Y/n probably doesn’t want to be bothered by us all day every day and plus, she had pizza last night, I’m sure she doesn’t want it again. Sorry, y/n, don’t feel pressured by this div,” Tom said apologetically.

“Honestly, I could eat pizza everyday, so that’s not an issue, and I honestly love hanging out with you guys. You remind me of my friends back home. If y’all want to eat together, I seriously would not mind.”

“Really?” Tom asked incredulously, then recomposed himself. “Well, yeah, sure. We were gonna head back to the hotel to change clothes and then figure things out from there, is that okay?”

“That sounds perfect, except I’m paying the cab fare this time.”

***

In most situations, a group of guys you’d only known a couple of days asking you into their hotel room would be a major red flag, and it probably still should have been, but you threw caution to the wind and went to Tom’s suite anyways.

Harry answered the door and let you in, and inside you found Tom and Harrison on the floor of the living space drinking beers. They both raised their cans up to you as you came in.

All three of the boys were in simple sweats and t-shirts, similar to you in your leggings and sweatshirt. It wasn’t much later that Harry went to the lobby to retrieve the pizzas they’d ordered and you were all digging in, seated around the coffee table talking.

You all discussed random things, poking fun at each other like you were old friends. It was like they’d already accepted you as one of their own.

“How you think this weekend’s gonna go, y/n?” Tom asked between swigs of his ale.

“I’d say pretty good. I’m hella nervous though. SNL is like its own universe.”

“You can say that again. This is like nothing I’ve ever done before.”

“Oh, come on. You two are both going to do great Saturday. Don’t think too much about it and just have fun,” Harrison encouraged as you continued eating.

Throughout the evening, you couldn’t help but pick up on the way you and Tom kept making eye contact. It was brief, but it was different than how you and Harry or Harrison looked at each other. There was something else there.

Your stomach fluttered. Who else could say that they spent an evening drinking with their biggest celebrity crush? And then continually exchange flirty looks?

At one point Tom even tossed a wink at you after cracking a joke, causing your heartbeat to quicken momentarily.

After getting lost in conversation with the boys, you realized the time and prepared to excuse yourself back to your own room. The coming morning was going to be an early one, after all.

“Oh man, I better head out. We’ve got a long day ahead of us,” you commented, stretching as you stood up. The boys followed suit.

“Wow I didn’t even realize how long we’ve been sitting here,” Tom added.

“Yeah. Thanks again for letting me come over tonight. I haven’t gotten to do something like this in a while so it’s nice to just spend time with people who I don’t pay to hang around me all day, you know?”

“I understand and definitely can agree, since these divs are kind of paid to hang around me.”

You all laughed as Tom walked you to the door.

“Well. See you bright and early...” you trailed.

“Yeah, see you then,” Tom answered, awkwardly sticking out his arms for a hug. You obliged, squeezing your arms around his neck as his held your waist.

And goodness did he give good hugs.

***

You were definitely tired walking into 8H Friday morning. The caffeinated drink in hand helped a little, but late night beers paired with waking up early didn’t quite go hand in hand.

It wasn’t really a hangover either, since you hadn’t been fully drunk, but it didn’t help the exhaustion from traveling, working the past two days, and a lack of sleep.

The first thing you had to do was rehearse your songs for Saturday as the set team worked on transporting and putting together large set pieces that had been made at the navy yard in Brooklyn.

Tom and the cast weren’t far away, figuring the live show with costuming and quick changes along with doing some pre-filmed sketches. The writers were continually making adjustments and figuring out how things would be done.

They eventually called you over, too, to rehearse your sketches and film one of them. You had to get used to the costumes and cue cards and blocking of each. There had been some minor changes as well, so you had to be quick on your feet.

By lunchtime, all the cast took a well deserved break to sit and have a bite. The writers were having to shuffle around while they tried to eat as you and Tom sat down to talk some more.

“Hey, sorry to bug you, but do you guys mind if I take a picture or two for the SNL social media accounts?” a page asked while you were munching on sandwiches.

You and Tom looked at each other and shrugged.

“Fine with me,” you answered, Tom giving a similar reply. The two of you leaned in next to each other, holding up your sandwiches and laughing.

A few photos were snapped and you and Tom approved of them to be posted online. You thought nothing of it as you went to more rehearsals, working through the show’s order and trying to get down timing before Saturday’s dress rehearsal and show.

You couldn’t help but laugh watching the sketches, as this was your first time seeing the ones you weren’t a part of. Tom’s comedic timing and dry British humor paired well with the material he was given.

When the day came to an end, you were looking through instagram and gathering your things. You went to SNL’s page and put the post of you and Tom together onto your story, adding the text “Can’t wait for everyone to see my favorite sandwich partner host the show tomorrow!”

As before, you thought nothing of it and posted the story, heading out the door to ride back with Tom and the boys.

***

At the hotel, you and Tom had decided to not hang out for the evening since you’d be having a late, late night Saturday and wanted to get some sleep. You opened up social media as you laid in bed to wind down.

You decided to look at the picture of you and Tom from lunch again and read some comments, hoping there would be some funny ones and whatnot.

Instead, you found hundreds of comments saying “omg ship” and “my two faves together” and “this couple would be everything!!”

You were honestly shocked to see people saying that about you, especially since you had never heard of your fans indicating that they wanted to see you two together.

Twitter was also buzzing over you and Tom’s picture, some fan pages just talking about either one of you, while others also talked about shipping you.

In your heart, you kind of enjoyed it, since you were hardcore crushing on Tom now, but you had no idea how he felt.

Did he like you back? Did he just think of you as just a friend or acquaintance? Was he secretly dating someone and you were just reading too much into it?

It was much to think about, so instead you closed your phone and fell into a deep slumber.

***

You didn’t have to be in the studio as early as the past days since dress rehearsal wasn’t until 8pm and the show started at 11:30. You felt better rested than the day before, but butterflies were constantly erupting in your stomach.

You and Tom caught each other at the building’s entrance and went up the elevators together.

“Ready for tonight?” you asked, tapping a foot anxiously.

“Absolutely not. You?”

“Same here. Not only is it going to be watched by millions, but some of the most important people in my life are coming and I’m freaking out a little.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked softly. “And who would that be?”

“Well, my parents and some friends from home. I can sing in front of sold out stadiums but I still get nervous if I know they’re in a crowd. It’s stupid, I know.”

“No I totally get it. My parents and brothers will all be here, too, and my heart races when they watch my work. The best advice ever given to me, though was ‘turn nerves into excitement,’ and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”

You nodded and smiled up at him.

“That is pretty good. Thanks,” you replied as the elevator doors opened.

The halls were bustling with what seemed like every employee as you headed to your green room. It wasn’t long before you were being thrown updated scripts and rehearsing again.

Finally as dusk turned to night, the dress rehearsal audience seats began filling up. You were bouncing nervously in the hall as you watched the cast begin the cold open on a monitor.

“Nervous?” a male voice asked quietly next to you. It was Tom, of course. You bobbed your head from side to side.

“Excited,” you replied cheekily. He smiled and was about to say something else when a crew member came by to lead him to his starting place for the monologue. He gave a quick wave before heading backstage, instead.

The dress rehearsal went okay, certain jokes and lines being cut and rearranged by the end for time. Thankfully the audience received everything well, for the most part.

Your own music and sketches felt like a rush, but you were proud. Tom’s advice had really gotten to you, because you were bubbling with excited anticipation for 11:30 broadcast to begin.

There was about an hour between dress and the actual taping, so you scarfed down a few bites of food and tried to shake out some jitters. You also sipped some caffeinated hot tea and did vocal runs to stay in tip top shape.

Your friends and family stopped by the green room to say hi before they joined the audience, giving you hugs and encouragement for the evening ahead.

As the clock neared 11:30, you were walking down a hall already dressed for your first song when you almost bumped into Tom.

“Oh, hey! Great job at dress! You’re gonna do amazing,” you immediately said, making him beam.

“Thank you! And you too! Your voice is on fire tonight, as if it’s ever not.”

“You haven’t heard me try to sing sick, then. I sound like a diseased animal.” You shook your hands and head to dismiss yourself. “But, uh, earlier I was gonna tell you ‘break a leg’ and then I remembered you used to dance, sooo... merde.”

Tom raised his brows and chuckled.

“You know that phrase too?” You nodded. “Well then merde to you, too. Oh, and I was wanting to ask if tonig-”

Tom was cut off by someone once again needing to drag him away to prepare for the show, causing you both to toss waves at each other again. Maybe he’d finish his thought later.

This was it. The real deal.

You took that as a cue to find your place by the monitors until after Tom’s monologue and the commercial break, when you’d start moving to stand with the band.

The cold open landed well, and you felt chills hearing two of the cast yell,

“And live from New York, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”

The classic jazz music of SNL played over the intro and Tom made his way down the iconic steps to do his monologue.

Your heart fluttered seeing him stand on that stage with a wide smile, waving at the crowd. He was dressed in a blue suit and his curls were styled just right. He looked incredible.

The monologue landed well and you felt an even bigger flutter as you heard Tom lead into commercial, saying the iconic line,

“We have a great show for you tonight! Y/n Y/l/n is here! So stick around we’ll be right back!”

With that the camera panned out and cut, and chaos began as the crew moved everyone to set the first live sketch. In the meantime, a prefilmed sketch played, the one you had participated in.

The audience cheered and laughed at your surprise appearance in the sketch, which made you feel really good. You had moved now to a place where you could see the stage in person.

The camera panned in as the audience applauded and the next sketch began. Even after having seen it multiple times that week, you couldn’t help but laugh as the ridiculous character Tom played so well.

When they cut to another commercial break, it was your time to get ready to sing the first song.

Your stomach fluttered like it always did before a show, but Tom shot you a thumbs up before the break ended and boosted your confidence. A camera was pointed in his face as he calmly said,

“Ladies and gentlemen, y/n y/l/n,” as he gestured towards you.

The lights came up and you began playing, and you became lost in the music like always. It came and ended quickly, and suddenly you were listening to the cheers of the audience. You waved and bowed in thanks as the cameras panned again.

Up came the weekend update, your favorite part of any Saturday Night Live. The jokes for the segment were typically written on Saturday, so many of them were new to you.

Tom came and stood next to you during the update with a bowl-cut red wig dressed in khakis and a sweater vest over a button up. You looked him up and down amused.

“Your performance was amazing,” he whispered.

“Thanks. You’re doing great out there. They love you,” you whispered back.

“I sure hope so. Hey I’ve been trying to ask if-” he started, but then was cut off by someone grabbing him and leading him towards stage for the next sketch. Your stomach fluttered again.

What could he possibly want to ask me?

The live sketch transitioned into a prefilm and then you were up again, this song was more energetic and included some choreography, and you felt confident in the shimmering gold bodysuit and boots you were wearing.

You happily danced and sung after Tom reintroduced you to the crowd and got a large round of applause. There was only one sketch left of the show and you were in it, so the team rushed you into a quickchange booth offstage to put on your costume and a quick wig.

The sketch began and you stood to the side nervously. When your cue came, you burst onto the stage clumsily, as directed by the script. Your character made some inappropriate comments to Tom’s which garnered you many laughs again.

It was satisfying.

Once the sketch ended, all that was left were the goodnights, so you were again rushed off to change into a cute jumpsuit and reaffix your hair. Tom came out in a blue suit with the jacket unbuttoned, a black tee underneath.

You rushed to take your place next to him as other cast members filed in around you, Lorne standing in the middle of the room watching to make sure everyone came out. The audience applauded as the music played and camera panned.

After they gave the final countdown, Tom began giving thanks to many people, from cast and crew, to family, and to you.

“I want to give a huge thanks to tonight’s musical guest, y/n y/l/n,” he exclaimed, gesturing to you. The crowd cheered and you laughed and waved, giving him a joking elbow.

“I love you all! Goodnight!” he finally exclaimed.

With that, the music was brought up and everyone began hugging as the credits rolled. You immediately turned to Tom and he to you, both of you throwing arms wide.

You wanted to hug him forever, but realized that it would look fishy and there were many people you still wanted to hug and thank.

Both of you pulled back, giving each other a quick “good job!” before turning to others.

***

You were finally offstage and had said quick goodbyes to your family, who wouldn’t be staying for the afterparty. As you headed towards the greenroom for the last time that night, you were stopped by Tom.

“Hey! Y/n,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Oh my gosh there you are!” you said, turning to give him another hug, this one more emotional and less performative.

“I’m serious y/n, you were incredible. I know I’ve said it a million times but you have a real gift. Not to mention your acting skills,” he said into the crook of your neck.

You pulled away to look at him, arms still loosely wrapped around him.

“Well thank you, but you were great too. Everyone loved you. I loved you out there.” You paused for a moment, arms sliding from his shoulders as you continued to walk down the hall. “You know I had a lot of fun this week. Doing this and just hanging out. I was really nervous to meet you.”

“I did too, and yeah, we were all super nervous to meet you, too. Like I told you before, we listen to your music a lot. But, uh, that being said. All night I’ve been trying to ask if you’d like to go to the afterparty with me?”

“Oh yeah that’s perfect! Are the guys coming too?” you asked enthusiastically, not detecting the nervousness in his voice.

“No, no. I mean, yeah they’ll be there but...” he stopped and you followed suit. “I’d like you to go with me with me. And ideally leave with me... alone.”

Your eyes widened and breath hitched. Now it clicked. He was asking you out.

“Oh! Well then... I’d like that very much.” You smiled.

“Yeah?” he asked, incredulous.

“Yeah,” you answered.

Let’s just say you were singing a different kind of tune that night once you left to your empty hotel room “with him.”

***

A/N: omg omg omg I started this story forever ago but finally got around to finishing it! No new marriage project chapter this week, I thought I’d just post this to hold y’all over ;) Thanks for reading!

Permanent tag list: @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl

If you’d like to be added, pls message or send an ask so you can verify that I’ve added you!

#live from new york it's saturday night #snl au #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland oneshot #tom holland x reader #harrison osterfield #Harry Holland #tom holland spider man

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idy-ll-ique · 4 years

Text

This Can't Be.

Pairing: Tom Holland x F!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff (enemies to friends to lovers)

Warnings: mentions of an eating disorder, curse words lol

Requested: By anonymous

How about a Tom Holland x Reader where the reader is also famous and they fight a lot, and then a few days later she stops eating, and ends up exhausted and passes out and he goes to her house crying and apologizing, well, do it cry lol.

Summary: Y/N and Tom are in a new movie together but they don't really get along. Tom calls her a fatty, so she tries to lose weight by starving herself. After she ends up in the hospital, they make amends.

Author's Note: Hi y'all! A request after a such a long time! Also, I would like to apologize to anon if this isn't exactly what you were looking for. I still hope you like it.

---

Y/N POV:

"Tom from Marvel? Surely… surely you mean Tom Hiddleston?" I blurted out, my eyes going wide. "No, honey, Tom Holland. He's much closer to you by age, he's the perfect fit," my manager said, giving me a small smile. She knew how much I loathed that man.

"No, shut the fuck up, this can't be! It can't! You know I hate that overgrown manchild—"

"Please, Y/N. Try to understand. This movie can be your next big thing. It's offering a lot of money and they specifically requested for you. Come on, sharing one kiss with him can't be that bad," Ellie tried reasoning. "It can be that bad! I don't like him! It will be awkward! Why don't they choose Zen? She's awesome and they get along well!" I whined, covering my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"She has already done a lot of movies with him. From what I've heard, she rejected this movie and suggested your name. Come on, do it," Ellie urged tiredly. I groaned and flopped down on the bed. "Fine, I'll do it. If I end up murdering that man, try to save me," I muttered. Ellie laughed and left my room.

I curled up on the bed, my stomach turning. Just his name made bile rise up my throat and my blood boil. "Fucking Holland," I hissed under my breath. It all began on the sets of one of the movies we did together as teenagers, called Exile. The thing is, he— wait a minute.

My brows furrowed. What did he even do to me to make me hate him so much? "Come to think of it…" I mumbled, desperately trying to remember why I disliked him. "Eh, still," I huffed; even if I couldn't remember the reason, I hated him.

I got off the bed and went to the bathroom for I had an interview coming up soon.

---

Tom POV:

"Ew, Y/N? Are you fucking kidding me, mate? I can't do this movie with her," I spat, glaring at Harrison. "Why do you even hate her? She's such a sweet person," he sighed exasperatedly. "I— she just aggravates me so much! Plus, she decided to hate me first! She is never polite to me, why should I like her?" I stammered, throwing my arms up.

"Whatever. You are doing the movie and you are doing it with her. It's just one fucking kiss, dude, you'll be fine," Harrison said, rolling his eyes. I huffed and looked away when he walked out of the room. "Fucking Y/L/N," I hissed, crossing my arms.

She irked me so much. She always called me names and teased me. Except, when she teased me, she meant every word— she bullied me. I wondered if she had matured and decided to leave our childish banter behind but knowing her, I knew it was impossible. She was an overgrown child. "As if she has grown up," I laughed cruelly.

I shook my head and ridded myself from the thoughts of her, putting on my jacket. I had plans of going to the nearby bar with Harry, Haz and Sam. I wouldn't let Y/N destroy my night with the boys.

---

Y/N POV:

"Ugh, is he even coming? See, you can never expect him on time! Probably putting on his diaper or something, that takes time," I grunted, glaring at nothing on the wall in front of me. "Stop being rude, Y/N. Please, leave this old, childish and irrelevant banter and grow up. You don't even remember why you fought with him."

"It's just…" I looked away from Ellie and she rubbed my arm, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Where is she?" I heard and looked up. Tom was looking for me. "Over here, asshole," I called out and he stared at me. For a brief second, a look of confusion and shock came over his face. Then he quickly snapped out of it.

"Still the same entitled brat, I see. I would love working with you," he said with faux affection, a sarcastic smile on his face. "Likewise. Are we done here? I don't want to waste my time with you, I have lots more important things to do. To be honest, really everything is more important than you, so…" I poked my tongue out at him and walked away.

When I was about 15 feet away from him, I wrapped my arms around myself. For the first time in forever, I actually felt guilty about being so rude to him. Maybe Ellie was right, why should I fight with him if I didn't even remember why we started? I couldn't let down my guard now, though, I was too deep into this mess.

If I tried to be more cordial, he would start taunting me even more. I would snap and insult him, thus starting our fight all over again. I'd just have to swallow my guilt and keep being rude, I guess. I shook my head and walked out of the place.

---

Tom POV:

"How are you, Ellie?" Despite having enmity with Y/N, I really liked her manager. Ellie, unlike Y/N, was cute, sweet and polite. "Hi Tom, I'm good! I'm sorry about Y/N. I tried to tell her that your banter is childish but she completely ignored me," she sighed and we hugged each other.

"Y/N is a stupid bitch, you don't need to pay attention to her. She has always been rude and bratty, at least you're not like her. You're so much better," I chuckled. Ellie and Haz shook hands, smiling at each other. "Are you sure you'll be comfortable working with each other? What if the fight escalates?" Ellie asked worriedly.

"I will try my best to be friendly with her, I won't let the fight escalate. Nothing should ruin the movie," I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I don't know why she wants to fight with you, Tom. She herself told me she didn't remember why you fought in the first place and now…"

"Wait, she what?" My eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Yes! She doesn't remember why you started your banter and now she won't listen to me when I tell her to give up the enmity," Ellie said, her lips pulled into a thin line. "Wait, I don't… I don't remember either…" I mumbled. Haz and Ellie looked at each other.

"Why don't you two just try to be friends? Please? Both of you are amazing people, this banter is nonsensical," Haz insisted. "I'll try my best but I don't know about her dram—"

"Tom."

"Ugh, sorry!"

---

Y/N POV:

"Yo, wassup pussy! Too scared, huh? No wonder your roast game is weak AF," I laughed, walking into the room with a packet of chips in my hands. Two months had passed since we started working together. For some reason, though, he absolutely didn't try to rile me up with his smartass comments. Somehow, I felt as if he was holding back, but I don't know… I had to find out.

He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Will you shut up, fatty? I'm trying to do something here and working without your overweight ass will be so much easier! I tried to end our fight but you surely don't want to grow up! Leave and don't come back," he snapped, glaring at me.

I froze. His comment… actually hurt. It hurt me in my heart. Fatty. Overweight. I looked at the packet of chips in my hands and walked up to the nearby bin, throwing it away. I tried to hold my tears in as I ran out of the room to my trailer. Once I was in the comfort of my own trailer, I let the tears roll down my eyes.

For 15 minutes, I sat crying. I felt ashamed of insulting him, now. He grew up. I was still the rude teenager he worked with in Exile. Of course he hated me, I hadn't been nice to him at all. This was my fault. When I finally stopped crying, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I promised myself that I would be more polite to him after this.

---

Tom POV:

"Yo, where is Y/N? Our scene starts in five minutes! Ellie?" I questioned, looking at her. "The last time I checked she was in her trailer, should I go check on her?" she offered. I shook my head. "Let me go." I walked out of the room and went to her trailer. "Y/N! Don't you know our scene starts in five minutes? Get your ass up!"

When I got no snide remark in return, my brows furrowed. What was she doing in there? "Y/N?" I called out, knocking on the door. The door, I found out, was open. Against my own wish, I opened the door. A loud gasp escaped my lips. "Y/N!" I shouted, swiftly climbing into the trailer.

She had fallen on the floor, unconscious, her head resting against the bed. My eyes widened in horror when I observed her pale skin and skinny body. Her bones were poking out; it looked as though she was wearing her skin on her skeleton like spandex. "Y/N!" I whispered, picking her up. My heart broke when I noticed how lightweight she was.

"Tom? We heard you shou— what happened?" Ellie gasped, running towards me. "She's too cold, we need to take her to the hospital," I spoke rapidly. The two of us called an ambulance and within half an hour, Y/N was being taken to the hospital. Ellie and I were with her.

"What happened? She… she looks so skinny…" I asked Ellie, my chest heaving. "Fucking hell! She wasn't eating! Every time I offered food she said she wasn't hungry or that she ate already… now I know! She was starving herself! It's been 5 months, she hasn't eaten a single thing—"

5 months. I knew what happened 5 months ago. "Will you shut up, fatty?" I whispered, a sharp pain coursing through my chest. She wasn't eating because I called her fat. I shouldn't have, not when she wasn't fat at all! This was all my fault. Why did I let this happen?

"Tom, is everything okay?" I looked at Ellie, snapping out of my thoughts. "Uh, yeah— yeah I'm good," I muttered. Upon reaching the hospital, Y/N was immediately put up for an emergency operation.

I stayed at the hospital for 5 hours with Ellie, that's how long her operation took. The shooting was temporarily put on hold and news outlets started talking about Y/N being in the hospital. The hospital was shut down.

---

Y/N POV:

Darkness. All around me. What happened? Where was I? I tried to open my eyes but it hurt. I groaned and forced them open, trying to sit up. I moved my hands but found out they were connected to something. "Ms Y/L/N!" a surprised voice gasped. "Where am I?" I moaned.

"I'm Dr Watson, you're at the hospital," he said soothingly, scribbling something down on his notepad. "Like Sherlock?" I chuckled weakly, giving him a smile. "I've been asked that many times. Good to know you're feeling better, Y/N," he smiled, ruffling my hair.

He then proceeded to walk out of the room. A few seconds later, Ellie and Tom walked in. "What the fuck, Y/N? You thought starving yourself while shooting a movie was important? Why did you do this? You gave us all a heart attack!" Ellie scolded, glaring at me. I looked away, ashamed.

"I know someone didn't care," I muttered. "If you're thinking of me, you're wrong. I found you unconscious, Y/N, and brought you here. Of course I cared. I would also like to apologize for my rude remark, I shouldn't have called you that," he said, rubbing the back of his head.

I stared at him. He brought me here? "Oh, uh, thank you, I guess," I said softly, giving him a small smile. He smiled back. "I'm going to speak to the doctor, you stay here." Ellie left the room. Tom looked around and finally pointed to the bed. "May I?" he asked awkwardly.

"Sure," I laughed. He grinned and sat down near my abdomen. For a few minutes, there was silence between us. "So, I guess we should stop fighting, huh? I mean, none of us remember why we fought, so…" Tom said, looking out of the window. "You're right. Friends?"

"Friends." We shook hands, smiling at each other. "I'm sorry for all the rude things I've called you over the years, I really am," I apologized sincerely. "I'm sorry, too. Maybe we can forget all that and try to get to know each other?" Tom suggested. "I like that idea," I chuckled.

"Why did you starve yourself, though?" he asked quietly. "Every time I saw food, your voice echoed in my head. Fatty. I lost my appetite and didn't eat," I explained, looking at my lap. "I'm so sorry," he said, frowning at me. "It's okay, I'm fine now. We're friends now, I'll be fine." We gave each other small smiles.

Turns out, I had to stay at the hospital for a month and after that, the shooting would resume. Every single day for a month, Tom and I hung out at the hospital. Our getting-to-know-each-other sessions were going really well; we actually had a lot of interests in common! I would've known this, of course, if I wasn't too busy fighting with him for absolutely no reason.

---

Tom POV:

"Today's the kiss scene, right?"

I fixed my bow tie, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah. Thankfully we're friends now, it shouldn't be that awkward." I grinned at Harrison. He grinned back. "I'm glad. Your fight was pointless anyway."

We left my trailer and walked towards the sets. When I walked in, I paused— Y/N was looking adorably stunning in the dress she wore. Her hair was done amazingly and she was chatting with Ellie. Not many people were at the set today, the scene was going to be shot privately.

I had to admit, after hanging out with her for a month, I started forming a crush on her. Maybe I could ask her out on a date, see how that worked out… "Tom! Here!" I looked at Y/N, who waved me over. I walked to her, a wide smile on my face. "You're looking really beautiful," I complimented, smirking a bit when she blushed.

"Not too shabby yourself, sir," she winked. "If you're ready, shall we start?" the director called out. The two of us gave our signals and took our place. The setting was such: A ballroom, the two of us were dancing. We simply had to say I love you and give each other a kiss. Not too difficult, we would be done in five minutes.

"And… action!"

We said those three words to each other, smiled dreamily and leaned forward. When our lips connected, I felt real-life butterflies in my stomach. I liked Y/N and the kiss… the kiss was amazing. "Cut!" We pulled away. After gazing at each other for ten seconds, we burst out giggling. "You're a pretty good kisser, Tom."

"Not too shabby yourself, ma'am," I teased, repeating her previous words. "Wanna get coffee after changing?" she asked, a twinkle in her eye. "Do I? Meet you at the gates in thirty minutes, last one there's a loser!"

"Tom, come back, ugh!" Y/N yelled as I ran towards my trailer. "It's not my fault you're wearing a dress!" I yelled back, laughing loudly. "Shut up!"

Our date went extremely well, needless to say.

---

A/N: Leave a like! Thanks for reading!

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x female reader #tom holland characters #peter parker x reader #spiderman #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

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marvelousell · 4 years

Text

The Agreement (Part 5.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 3.1k

A/N: I really went with this one lol, I just can’t wait for more Haz in the next parts ngl 👀. Hope you like this andd I would appreciate it if you reblog, leave a comment, or send a feedback!❤️

My tag list is open for this series!

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of alcohol

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

Masterlist

“He is looking at you, and he has that smile on his face Y/N!” Anna whispered, laughing with you.

Oh this feeling. You missed it so much.

You would catch him staring, giving you a shy smile every now and then.

And there was Tom. Looking hot as always.

He was talking with him and Harry, laughing and drinking, eyeing almost every girl that passed next to them. Some of them were lucky, getting a hug and kiss on the cheek.

He caught you staring, sending you a quick wink.

Nice one Tom, totally original.

Focus Y/N. Tonight is definitely not about him.

“How did you end up together? Did he approach you first? What did he say? Or you? Or...”

“Okay, okay..breathe!” You chuckled at her excitement, happy to have a friend like her by your side.

“You don’t even know how much I would love this to happen!” She pointed at you and him, trying to look as calm as possible.

“I was in the kitchen getting your drink, and I really didn’t see him. He was getting a refill I suppose, so he started a conversation with me, and yeah..” You explained.

“He asked me if I wanted to go outside because the house was packed, and we just sat there and the chat went really smoothly. He is so sweet Anna.”

“I told you he was so your type! He is the most caring and warm-hearted person. He deserves you, and you absolutely deserve him.”

“We really clicked the day we met, and you know how much I like to talk, he listened to every single word. Every day. Especially when I was talking about you, so I thought this would be a great opportunity.” She began.

You didn’t feel that thrilled about a boy ever since Noah.

He really was the first boy that showed some interest in you. It was a nice 2 year relationship and friendship, however the spark just faded.

That’s what he said.

At least it wasn’t an ugly break up, full of screaming and bitter words.

But still it was your first heartbreak and you didn’t want to hear the lousy “we should stay friends” or “we are going to be in touch” sentence. So you just cut him out of your life, and it sure was a great decision after seeing him a few days after with a girl by his side.

“Y/N!!! Woah look at you! You’re having fun I see huh?” Amelia winked, tipsy already.

“How much did you drink Mel?” You giggled when she hugged you.

“Ya know not that much! But definitely enough to go talk to that blondie back there.”

“Good Mel, I’m glad you are having fun too.”

“I think it’s time that you strip and show that piece under your innocent dress babe.” Anna whispered, trying to coax you.

“Are you kidding me? In front of everyone? If you told me that half of the town would be here I wouldn’t even bother to put it on.”

“Oh please Y/N. Look everyone is already in their bikinis! Believe me you don’t have nothing to hide, only to show.” She smirked, tapping your bum twice.

“God. Okay. But I’m not doing this alone, you two are stripping also!” You said.

“Amelia sure forestalled you.” She laughed, looking at a now half naked and drunk Amelia that jumped in the pool.

“I just hope she will not pass out and end up puking in the car like last time.” You said, looking at her laughing and calling for you to join the party.

Sure why not.

You let your dress slide down your body, admiring the red bikini that was on full display now.

“Well holy moly, if he doesn’t want you I’m gonna take the opportunity.” Anna’s eyes went up and down, admiring your figure.

You were so engrossed in the conversation with Anna that you didn’t feel two pair of eyes staring at you.

“Holy shit.” Harrison muttered under his breath.

He was dumbfound. He couldn’t find the right words to describe how gorgeous you were.

Harrison was already struck by your inner beauty, this was just a bonus.

But he sure wasn’t the only one staring and admiring the girl near the pool.

Right behind him was Tom whose eyes were about to pop out of his eye sockets from the view.

He saw already much more than that, but he couldn’t look away.

The red bikini hugged your tits perfectly, your bum looking better than ever.

The scenes from the previous night were on his mind.

If he could, he would take you right there. In front of everybody.

Tom’s erection was getting more visible through his swimming trunks. The throbbing inside was driving him crazy.

“You ready to jump in mate?” Harrison’s voice broke his silent thoughts.

“Yeah, of course.” He said lowly, trying his best not to groan.

Tom thought that the refreshing pool water would help him to calm his hot mind.

He really needed you.

After all the deal said that you would help each other, isn’t that right?

However his plans to come and talk to you were ruined by his friend who was trying to keep you entertained.

“You call that entertainment? We will see what will you like more soon love.” He thought as he swam away, losing his patience now.

You were okay on your own, dipping your feet in the pool, waiting for Anna that dragged Amelia to the bathroom to pee.

You saw Harrison entering the pool again, sending you a small grin letting you know he would join you in a minute.

He presence was making you so nervous, but in a good way.

“Finally got some more time with you, Mel was killing me with the stories about this blonde dude that she met while spilling almost her whole drink on me.” He laughed, slicking his wet hair back.

“Tell me about that, Anna took her to the bathroom to pee. She is really wild tonight.”

He was in front of your legs, his crystal blue eyes were focused on yours.

“You know.. I really want to ask you something.” He began, swimming closer to your legs to rest his arm on top of your knees leaving a trail of goosebumps on your hot skin.

His cold and soft touch sent waves of pleasure through your body.

You could get used to this.

“Go on.”

“I really enjoyed the time we spent tonight, and I really want to do this more often if you would like that too. I mean I would like to take you out, you’re really lovely Y/N.” He reddened after the words slipped past his lips.

“Of course, I really had fun tonight thanks to you Harrison. I really like you.” You spoke back.

“The feeling is definitely mutual. Are you available on Monday?”

“Yes, Monday sounds perfect.”

“Excellent love, now I think it’s time to cool off a little.” He smiled mischievously, grabbing your hips.

“What do you mean cool—“ You didn’t even finish your sentence because you found yourself underwater.

You were out of breath laughing, splashing water on him.

“Oh you’re trying to drown me? You sure are messing with the wrong person here.” You joked, putting your arms on his shoulder.

“Gonna need much more strength for that love.” His arms sneaked around your waist under the water, drawing you close to him.

“Want to try that again?” He whispered, his face close to yours.

His breath fanned your skin, you were so sure something would happen, but something stopped that.

Or should I say someone in particular.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Gosh Tom, you really are a bitch.

“No, no Tom, we were just chatting.” Harrison answered him, stepping outside the pool to sit.

“Well, Amelia is plastered and Anna asked if you could help her so she could put her in bed.” Tom said.

“Sure, are they inside?”

Tom just nodded.

“You gonna wait for me?” Harrison asked before leaving.

“I’m gonna dry myself off, so we can meet in the garden?”

“Deal love.”

Tom just waited for his friend to disappear from your sight so he could finally speak to you.

“Look at you darling, you look divine.”

“Thank you Tom, you sure know when to come.” You spoke back.

“I’m sorry for ruining your sweet moment here darling, but they really needed him.”

You stepped outside the pool, making your way to the house.

“So you really made my mate go all insane for you.” Tom stated, guiding you to the bathroom.

“Did I?” You asked, your heart fluttering at his words.

“Absolutely. He couldn’t keep his eyes away from you.”

“And me as well.” Tom spoke in your ear, looking around so you could enter the bathroom unnoticed.

Fuck Tom.

Should I be even doing this?

“You made me so hard just by watching you in this red two piece bikini.” He growled in your ear.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, trying to relax as much as possible.

The feeling of getting caught was stressing you out.

But you couldn’t say no to him.

You sighed as his lips were teasing your neck and shoulder.

“Shit I craved you so much baby, couldn’t wait any longer.” His hands made their way to the nape of your neck, untying the knot of your top.

Tom’s fingers danced on your skin, coming in contact with your belly.

His palm was placed there holding you close to him, while his other hand toyed with the knots that held the bottom piece of the bikini in place.

“Can you feel how much I want you right now baby?” He rubbed his crotch on your ass, receiving an exciting moan from you.

“Shh, we don’t want anyone to burst in here do we?” He shushed you, pressing a sloppy kiss on your jawline.

“Fuck, no. Just do something already we don’t have much time.”

“You mean you don’t have much time? I have the whole damn time if you ask me.” Tom teased, chuckling into the nape of your neck.

His free hand reached the edges of your bikini, pushing the material to the side dipping one finger into your folds.

“Looks like I wasn’t the only one excited here hm?” He rubbed you slowly, slipping one finger inside of you without a warning.

You tried your best not to be loud, but the feeling of Tom’s fingers buried inside of you made you weak.

“Would love to see you fall apart on my fingers baby, but we both know we need each other now right?”

“Hell yes, please fuck me.” Your eyes still closed, enjoying the pleasure he was giving you.

He removed his hand, making you whine from the feeling of being empty.

“Don’t worry I got something much more better.”

The dark trunks of his were now long gone, his hands lifted you up on the washing machine spreading your legs wide open.

Tom smashed himself inside of you, making you both whine from the feeling.

Your palm grasped his wet curls tightly, pulling him closer to your trembling body.

God this feels so wrong, but so great.

What are you doing to me Tom? No wonder Sophie went crazy about you.

“Tell me love, who can make you this good?”

“Shit you Tommy.” You bit your lip drawing blood to the surface, only to stop the moans escaping from your throat.

“Don’t break the deal between us love. Look how good we make each other feel. You can still be with whoever you want and me as well, no one needs to know it will be our little secret.” He pleaded into your ear.

You were aware of the situation.

Although you knew that this would be wrong in every possible way if something happens between you and Harrison, you couldn’t say no.

He was so addicting, his touch, movements, small talk.

Everything.

What happened? How did you fell for someone like Tom?

“Christ, this will be so wrong but I-I can’t break this fucking deal.” You muttered out, squeezing your eyes shut from the familiar sensation forming in the pit of your stomach.

You’re going to be the end of me Thomas.

He smiled at your response as his hands pushed through your hair gripping it lightly.

You were close to the edge. You whimpered as his fingers started rubbing your bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck I’m gonna cum.” You managed to choke out.

Tom wasn’t that far from coming and seeing your beautiful face as you came, he almost bursted.

“That’s right beautiful, you’re doing so good for me. Don’t worry just our little secret.”

And with that he pulled out his length shooting his load on your bare chest.

“Fuck you look so good with my cum all over you.” He smirked playfully, eyeing your tits.

“Full of yourself Holland, hand me a tissue please.” You replied.

The reality hit you hard in that moment.

You were nervous, anybody could tell if they saw you honestly.

You loved Tom and ending this..whatever it’s called wasn’t something you wanted.

And hurting a guy like Harrison by doing something behind his back was a no as well.

“Hey, don’t stress that much.” Tom spoke handing you the tissues.

“You know he likes you, I’m thousand percent sure, he is my best mate I know when he likes someone or not.” He laughed, helping you down from the washing machine.

“I hope so..but that’s not the only thing why I’m worried.” You whispered as you searched through your bag for dry clothes.

“Look I know you think that this is bad..but believe me it’s just a silly deal that’s here for us if we need to blow off some steam and stuff like that. No feelings love, that’s making everything different.”

Maybe he was right?

No one would say a thing, eventually your crush will fade and no harm done.

You hope so.

“Yeah..you have a point. No one will know?” You asked once more.

“No one love.”

“Okay.”

You could feel him staring as you tried to dress yourself.

“Do you mind turning around?” You asked, trying to hide your breasts and everything else as much as possible.

“Why? Nothing I haven’t seen or felt before.” He leaned on the white tiles with his eyes still on your body.

“Dear God.” You spoke. Annoyed.

You gave up, starting to dress in front of him.

“I look like shit now, great.” You stared at the reflection in the mirror.

Hair a complete mess, the light makeup long gone by now, your cheeks flushed.

“Oh c’mon you stole his heart anyway, he won’t notice anything.”

Crap, Harrison.

He is probably looking for you.

“How long are we here? He probably thinks I stood him up or something.” You panicked, grabbing the doorknob.

However Tom’s hand was fast enough to stop you.

“Wait, I will go first to see if someone’s around. I will knock if the air is clear, then you can go.”

“Okay, just hurry up.”

The 10 seconds were like an eternity.

You’re heart was running wild because of Tom and Harrison.

You wanted them both.

“Come out.” He said, knocking on the door.

“I see you around then?” He added before you tried to disappear.

“Yes.” You gave him a one last look before speeding down the stairs.

“There she is!” Anna shouted, pointing at you.

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t f-find my bag so it took me a while.” You spoke, looking at Anna and him.

“No problem, but you missed the fun with Amelia.” Anna giggled.

“Oh that was a show I bet.”

“Definitely, Harry said that she can sleep here tonight, so we don’t have to worry if the car will smell like vomit.” She joked, making a slightly disgusted face.

“Ew.”

“Okay, I’m going to find Harry and when you two are done call me.”

You were lost for words again.

He was absolutely beautiful.

“So..” You began, rocking back and forth on your feet.

“Our date still on?” He asked nervously.

“Of course I really did enjoy my evening with you.”

“I’m so glad you did, because I honestly want to see you more.”

Before you could even answer, his arms were on your back.

He pressed an innocent peck on your cheek out of the blue.

Harrison didn’t want to rush anything, but he wanted to show how much you fascinated him.

“See you on Monday?” He said.

“See you on Monday.” You confirmed, embracing him in a short hug.

“Oi, oi already going home?” The cocky voice spoke behind your back.

“Someone wants a decent amount of sleep Holland.” Anna replied, stopping just like you to see what he wanted.

However he did have some company with him.

The same blonde from the living room.

Wasn’t the sex a while ago enough for him?

Of course not.

You felt sick seeing his fingers caressing her slim hip.

Please let us leave.

“The party just started, you’re no fun like always.” He was being a total douche in front of her, nothing like Tom that hangout with us.

“If you’re trying to impress your girl here, you’re failing. Try to sober up a bit then you can talk to us, good night.” She grabbed your hand, marching to her car.

“He is being an total ass tonight.”

“Yeah..” You mumbled, the picture of Tom and the blonde occupying your mind.

“You upset about something? You know you can tell me everything.” She glanced at you, bringing her attention back to the road.

“Oh n-no, nothing’s bothering me really. I’m just stressing about my date on Monday.” You spoke, it was true after all. You were nervous about that as well.

“OHH, yeees Harrison told me he asked you on a date. Believe me nothing to worry about he is head over heels for you babe!”

“Will you come help me out before the date?” You questioned.

“Absolutely! I’m always here to help!” She screeched happily.

“See you then Ann, thank you for this evening and Harrison and everything. Have a good rest, good night.” You hugged her, before exiting the car.

“No problem love! Love to see you happy like this, good night!”

This was an intense night. You were all over the place, the whole night repeating in your head.

Your apartment was dark and quiet.

You kicked your shoes off, exhaling loudly as the tune of a received message grabbed your attention.

Unknown number

I loved your company so much I forgot to ask for your number. Hope you don’t mind that I asked Ann. :)

Haz x

Of course not! I’m glad you asked her! I enjoyed your presence as well. Xx

You were so overwhelmed that sleeping was impossible at that moment. The only thing on your mind was the date and Harrison.

Tag List

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petersasteria · 4 years

Text

Someday We’ll Know - Haz Osterfield

Pairing: Haz x Singer!Reader

Part 1: Still Into You || Haz Osterfield Masterlist

* * * *

Hurt. When love is present, hurt would be just around the corner; lurking around to find the perfect time to strike. It's the storm after the calm. No one ever talks about what we should do after we get hurt. You see, hurt is inevitable. No one knows when or how we'll get hurt, but it's inevitable and it just happens. Everyone wishes they could have known beforehand, so that they could be prepared. Well, no one's ever prepared.

Love is a battlefield; it's war. Love is a war and we are love's soldiers. Before we go into war, we tell ourselves what we should and what we should not do. But when we're at war itself, we lose all control and we're clueless. We tell ourselves to prepare, but when it's actually happening, we forget all the things we prepared for; we forget why we prepared in the first place.

Maybe that's why we get hurt. We forget to secure ourselves. Unlike love, hurt only has a few questions. They say love is the most complicated thing, but let's not forget that hurt is complicated too. Sometimes, we hurt first before we love. An example of this would be if you get hurt that your friend started dating. Only to realize that you were hurt, because you actually love them and it was kind of late to realize it.

Is hurt a good thing? Or is hurt a bad thing? Are pain and hurt one and the same? Why do we get hurt? Do we hurt when we hurt other people? Is hurt a form of love?

There are a lot more questions. Like love, answers about hurt may vary depending on who you ask. Everyone's hurt levels are different and everyone hurts differently.

Hurt is both a good thing and a bad thing. It feels bad, but because it feels bad, it becomes a good thing. You're probably asking, 'how come it becomes a good thing?'. It becomes a good thing, because now, you're fully aware that whatever environment you're in is bad. It's a warning.

Hurt is a form of warning before a heartbreak. The moment you feel hurt, spare yourself from heartbreak and just leave. Or you could fix it with love. But not all problems should be solved with love. See? It's complicated. There are so many should's and shouldn't's.

Love and hurt get along, because they're both complicated. And because they're both complicated and they get along, it's the perfect concoction for what makes us human. Loving is not wrong. Hurting is not wrong, either. Love and hurt makes us wiser and stronger that's why it's the perfect concoction for making us human.

Like love, hurt is inevitable. They go together, after all. If they go together, was love supposed to hurt? Was love all about hurting? Was it possible to love someone who hurt you? Was it possible to hurt someone you love? If all the answers are 'yes', then we've finally answered one question about love. We partly figured out what love is. Last time, we learned that:

Love is complicated. Some people say that love wasn't supposed to hurt. If we get hurt, it wasn't love.

If love was all about hurting, let's debunk that and answer the questions instead.

Was it possible to love someone who hurt you? Yes, because at some point in life, we loved them with our whole being before they hurt us.

Was it possible to hurt someone you love? Absolutely. Whether you intended it or not, it's still possible to hurt someone you love.

It's been two years since Y/N and Harrison broke up. The two twenty-five year olds would have been dating for twelve years. They would've been engaged. Harrison had a ring prepared, after all. He bought it after Y/N's visit all those years ago. He didn't propose because he wanted to wait.

Waiting. True love waits until you regret not shooting your shot in the first place. If Harrison knew that they'd break up years later, he would have proposed then and there. If he did that, Y/N would've said yes and they would've been happily married. They would've started a family.

But if he did that, Y/N wouldn't have been a singer. He knew that she'd decide to settle with him rather than focus on a singing career. He didn't want that. So he guessed that he made the right decision to not propose.

Both Harrison and Y/N didn't know what to do. They've literally been in a committed and serious relationship for ten years and now they didn't know what it was like to be single. The last time they were both single was when they were twelve and they couldn't exactly do what their single twelve year old selves did.

As each day passed by, both of them were unknowingly thinking of each other. Y/N would write songs about him, she'd record it, but she'd never release it. It would remain in her vault of songs dedicated for Harrison. She was updated with everything he was doing and Harrison was updated about her too. The fans were hurt that their power couple wasn't together anymore. But from time to time, they'd fit the other on the other's post.

Like when Y/N posted a picture of her reflection on the glass window. It was just a simple picture and the caption was: baby, not a day goes by that i'm not into you.

The fans freaked out and saw. They knew it was for Harrison. They shamelessly mentioned him in their comments and Harrison saw it. He would've seen it anyway without all the mentions. He asked himself why she'd put a lyric from their theme song as a caption. He wanted to ask her the same thing, but he knew that Y/N would answer, "why not?"

Harrison didn't know why she did that. Y/N didn't know either. Maybe, subconsciously, she knew that Harrison would see her post and maybe her subconscious was sending a message to Harrison that she was still in love with him and that she still thought of him as the love of her life and that she thought of him in general. If that were the case, Harrison felt it too. Because he, too, posted a picture with the caption: some things just, some things just makes sense and one of those is you and I.

The fans noticed and they practically begged for them to get back together. Y/N saw the picture and she finally did something she's never done in two years: she liked the picture. Again, the fans saw and they freaked out. In return, Harrison liked her picture too.

Rumors started circulating as fans speculated that they're getting back together soon. They prayed and hoped that they would.

Harrison's mother knew that everything will turn out in the end. She said that when he was twenty; when he broke down, because he was miles away from Y/N. She also said that when he called her to tell her that he and Y/N called it quits. She said it again when the rumors started. She was a wise woman. In fact, all mothers are wise women.

Y/N and Harrison thought differently about the break up. Y/N thought that maybe they actually weren't meant to be; they weren't soulmates. Harrison thought that they were meant for each other, no matter what. He thought of that thanks to his mother.

Y/N was utterly confused.

Does love always play like that? After being with someone for years, it suddenly wasn't meant? What the fuck was that? All those years were wasted. After being together with someone for a long time, it suddenly didn't work out? That's bullshit, but it happens. It unfortunately and sadly happens. Sometimes, we were just destined to meet someone. Just because we were destined to meet someone, doesn't mean that we were meant to be with that person. Someday, we'll all know an answer as to why that happens. But for now, we'll just have to accept that, that's life and that's love.

Y/N decided it would be nice to do an Instagram live stream at home, because she had a day off. She thought it would be nice to just have a chill day and maybe do some karaoke. Her tv had a YouTube feature anyway; she could search up some instrumentals of songs she wanted to sing.

An hour into her live stream, Harrison decided to watch. He didn't want people to cause a stir if he used his account, so he asked Tom if they could watch on his phone instead. Tom agreed with no hesitation. The fans saw that Tom was watching and pointed out that if Tom was there, Harrison was there somewhere. Y/N didn't notice it, because she just kept singing and randomly dancing.

It was entertaining.

After singing and dancing to "We're All In This Together", she decided to take a breather and talk to some fans. She saw that Tom left a comment here and there and she smiled and said, "Hi Tom! I hope I see you soon."

Tom smiled and commented, "See you soon!"

The fans went wild.

"Soon?? Are haz and y/n back together??"

"is she dating tom? sksks"

"lol no she isn't dating tom wtf tom wouldn't do that to harrison"

"lowkey kinda ship"

"haz and y/n are endgame PERIODT"

She chose to ignore the comments, because she didn't want to stir something up especially when they were all not true.

"This next song is called 'Someday We'll Know' and it's one of my favorite songs at the moment." She smiled and she played the song.

Ninety miles outside Chicago

Can't stop driving, I don't know why

So many questions, I need an answer

Two years later you're still on my mind

Upon hearing that line, Tom nudged Harrison and smiled at him. It was Tom's subtle way of telling him that Y/N dedicated that song for him. Tom knew that and he felt that. In some way, he felt that Y/N knew that Harrison was watching with him.

And Tom was right.

Y/N knew that Harrison was watching that's why she chose that song. If she were to sing 'Still Into You', it would be obvious. So, she did a smart move and picked the song she thought was perfect for them at the moment. Y/N didn't give Harrison closure. After all, she was the reason for the break up as much as she hated to admit it. This was Y/N's way of expressing her hurt and pain and heartbreak and sadness. Y/N thought that if she and Harrison were really meant for each other, he would feel how sorry she was.

And he did feel it. He just didn't know how to express it. He was still hurt, though. He was scared too. He was scared to be with her again. He was scared to love her too much again. He feared that if he loved her too much again, history would repeat itself and they'd let go of each other once more. Harrison was too fragile go to through that again.

Letting go. Two words that are easy to say, but hard to do. Part of letting go is moving on. The first step is to let go, because we can't move on if we're still holding on to the past. The past will always be our past as much as we hate it. But if we learn to let go of all of our past woes, we would be able to move on and live free from the past that used to cage us.

Letting go is a part of love. You see, love is a journey. It's like a life within a life. Notice how our love lives are different from our normal lives. When we're with the person we love, everything feels like a scene from a movie. But when we aren't with them, everything's so mundane.

Y/N loved Harrison enough to let him go. That was part of the journey. After all, we all have to let go at some point, right?

But Y/N was responsible for hurting Harrison. How come she had to let him go and not the other way around? Just because Harrison got hurt, doesn't mean that he's the one who should let go. Y/N had a reason: she let go of him, because she didn't want to hurt him anymore. She set him free and sometimes that's how you can show your love for someone.

Neither of them wanted it to happen, but they knew one of them had to do something. Y/N settled on letting him go instead, because he would be free from hurt.

"I'll ask Tom to get my stuff. You should stay here."

"But we bought it together after I graduated." Y/N frowned.

"Yeah, but your studio is here and if you moved out, it'll be hard to move those too. I'll stay with Tom, it's alright." Harrison gave her a small smile before leaving.

Even when they said goodbye, Harrison still cared. He never really stopped.

Caring is another form of love. When someone once had meaning in your life, you still end up caring for them. It's just the way it is. However, that only happens when you truly loved them, though. It only happens when it only ended on good terms.

"Mate, you still care about her, don't you?" Tom asked one night. Harrison glanced at him before looking back at his hands, "I never said I stopped caring. I still do."

"So, you still love her?" Tom added.

"I never stopped loving her either." Harrison replied.

"I don't get it." Tom said. "I know both of you still love and care for each other. So why aren't you together?"

"Love is complicated, Tom. I want to get back together, but I'm not sure if I should; I'm not sure if she wants to. I want to get back together, but I'm scared to get hurt again. Is that okay for me to feel that way?" Harrison looked at his best friend in worry.

Tom gave him a small smile and nodded, "That's totally valid."

Love is scary. Love is scary, because we don't know what will happen if we fall in love. Falling in love is a leap of faith. If you trust the person you love to catch you, falling for that person would be easy. If you don't, immediately let go and work on yourself first. Don't have second thoughts asking yourself if loving this person is right, because love shouldn't have second thoughts. Love should be built with trust.

Jasmine trusted Aladdin from the first time they met when they were running away from the palace guards. Before they went on a carpet ride Aladdin, or Prince Ali, asked her if she trusted him. She hesitantly said yes. She could've said no, but she didn't. But maybe she said yes, because Prince Ali was familiar to her. Sure, she was hesitant, but she still said yes. She had a feeling that Aladdin and Prince Ali were one and the same and she was right. That's why it worked out in the end. Jasmine and Aladdin were each other's soulmate.

What comes in your mind when you hear or see the word 'soulmate'?

People are divided into two when it comes to soulmates. People who believe in them and people who don't. Like hurt and love, most people have different answers regarding the question on whether they believe in soulmates and if soulmates are real.

Some people don't believe in soulmates. They believe that if a person was compatible with another person, those are because of their goals and personalities.

According to some people who said that soulmates are people who were meant to be with us. Some people also say that soulmates aren't necessarily people who we're romantically involved with, because soulmates can be friends.

From those, we can conclude that soulmates are people who we're meant to be with. Soulmates are people who are perfect for us. If so, how can we know if a person is our soulmate? Well, that's the thing. You'll just know. If you're still confused, you probably haven't found yours. It'll only make sense when you have a soulmate. One cannot simply explain on how to know if a person was written in the stars for you, because you'll know. It's a feeling and it's hard to explain.

Soulmates usually come after the storm. That's based from observation. No one talks about it, though. They only mention the calm before the storm, but they don't mention the storm itself and what comes after it. You see, after the storm, there's the sun. Calm is the love that makes us live in pure bliss and content, the storm is the hurt that unknowingly strikes and the impact of it is the inevitable heartbreak, and the sun is the peace that comes and swoops in to save us from the ruins of heartbreak's impact. That's what a soulmate is. Because after all the mistakes we've made and after everything we've been through, the sun will always be there to shine at the end of it.

One of Y/N's friends threw a party and Y/N took a day off just to go. It was her friend's birthday, after all. She wouldn't miss it for the world. What she didn't know was that Harrison would be there. Harrison didn't know Y/N was coming either. So it came as a surprise to them when they saw each other at the party.

"Fancy seeing you here." Y/N said with a smile.

"Likewise." Harrison smiled back.

"So, um how've you been?" Y/N asked. "It's been two years."

"I'm, I'm good. You?"

"Same here."

Silence fell upon them. It felt like they were thirteen again when they met up at the mall for their first date. Y/N chuckled at the thought and Harrison did the same. They looked at each other and asked at the same time, "Did you think about our first date at the mall?"

Harrison laughed, "Oh god, you did!"

"How could I not? We were so awkward!" Y/N laughed.

Once both of them calmed down, Harrison gave her a smile, "This feels nice. I really missed you."

"I really missed you too." Y/N said lovingly. "Look, I'm sorry for what happened two years ago. I was really busy and-"

"Don't worry about it, Y/N."

"I just want to say so-"

"I said don't worry about it." Harrison pushed.

"Why? I hurt you. I hurt the person I love and I want to apologize for it." Y/N frowned. Harrison held both of her hands and said, "You shouldn't worry about it, because I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I forgave you before I left the house."

It now makes sense on why we care about who hurt us. We only care about them if we forgive them. If caring is another form of love, forgiveness is the same thing. An example of this would be Eliza forgiving Alexander Hamilton. But if we love the person who hurt us greatly, sometimes, we still care about them during the in between.

From that moment, Y/N and Harrison knew that they'd be okay. This moment was their sun. Harrison's mother was right once more.

Someday we'll know

Why Samson loved Delilah

One day I'll go

Dancing on the moon

Someday you'll know

That I was the one for you

The song played loudly through the speakers. Harrison and Y/N lightly chuckled. He asked, "Is this our new song?"

"I guess so, but not quite. It's complicated." Y/N replied.

"Then let's not complicate ourselves." Harrison smiled sweetly. "I love you and I haven't stopped. I'd love for us to be together again, if you'll allow it?"

"Haz, of course I want to be with you again." Y/N smiled.

Just like that, they were together again. They trusted each other enough to try again and they loved each other enough to fall back into love.

What is love? Love is a lot of things. Love is complicated. Love is nothing without trust. Love is the calm before the storm. Love is a soothing and cool feeling. Love is about balance; the give and takes. Love has a shit ton of meanings and a shit ton of perceptions. Love is real. Love is fickle. Love is everywhere.

There are no rules in love, because no one wrote such rules. We love who we want to love. We love when we want to love. Love knows no limits or boundaries. Love is different, because we write our own love stories, we create our own love stories, we have our own love stories, and we are our own love stories. Love is a journey that everyone takes whether we like it or not. We keep loving despite knowing the storm will come, because love is natural.

Love is not rehearsed.

Love is a battlefield; it's war. Love is scary. Love is beautifully terrifying.

Is hurt a good thing? Yes.

Is hurt a bad thing? Yes.

Are pain and hurt one and the same? No. Hurt is a feeling when we're in pain.

Does love always play like that? After being with someone for years, it suddenly wasn't meant? Yes, because no one ever said that love was fair.

Love is a leap of faith.

Love is forgiveness.

The calm can happen for years. The storm can come multiple times. But the sun; the sun can only come once. We may never know what stage we're in right now. We can be at the state of calmness or we could be in the middle of a storm, but one day all the skies, our woes, will clear up and the sun will come to save us.

"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

* * * *

Sorry if it’s shit lmao

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland @silencetheslaves @peachmaybnx @imeanlifesabitshit @joyleenl @marshxx @hjoficrecs

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @petersholland @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐳 𝐎𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield imagines #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield one shots #harrison osterfield one shot #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield #haz osterfield imagines #haz osterfield imagine #haz osterfield one shots #haz osterfield one shot #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x y/n #in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

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grussell63 · 4 years

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Unexpected Chances - Chapter 9 (T.H.)

A/N: sorry for the long wait lol, I also probably need a new taglist because this one I have right now is ooooold as hell

Strangers to Friends to Lovers AU ; Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: What happens when you have this weird feeling that your boyfriend is cheating on you with some random girl from work? What happens when you find out that she is also in a relationship with someone? And what happens when that someone becomes a much bigger part of your life after you are the one to drop the bomb on him?

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of cheating

Wordcount: 3.2k

Masterlist in bio

9. Even when they leave, they’re never really gone.

29 minutes had passed when a message from Tom popped up on your screen, telling you that he was outside waiting for you.

Putting on your shoes and grabbing everything you needed, you headed outside where Tom was leaning against his car, looking like he had just stepped out of a photoshoot. You would be lying if you said you weren’t excited to spend the day with Tom, but it was more of a “thank god I don’t have to suffer by myself” kind of excited.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for my date? Do you know a (Y/N)?” He grinned once you were close enough to hear him.

“Charming.” You laughed as he pulled you into a hug that almost made you forget about the call from Byron. Almost.

“I was gonna say I’ll charm you out of your pants but that’s not really the thing I was going for today.” He said as he opened the passenger door for you, “Unless…”

“Shut up Tom.” You laughed although his comment sent heath waves through your whole body.

Tom had put on another level of gentleman and charming attitude and had really made it his mission to make you feel better again. Once you had insisted on paying for yourself, which he had accepted with an eye roll, you made your way to the first ride which you were quite excited about. You hadn’t been to Thorpe Park for quite a while because Byron thought it was for kids and stupid. Idiot.

“When was the last time you were here?” You asked as you stood in the queue to go on The Swarm.

“I usually come here like twice a year since Harrison also loves that shit and my brothers also don’t mind tagging along so it’s just a fun boys day out, y’know, being kids and running around a theme park all day is kind of refreshing.” He said, a soft smile displayed on his face, “What about you?”

“Haven’t been here for like 2 and a half years. I came here with Byron for one of our first dates and he decided that it was stupid and that he was too grown up for this kids stuff.” You scoffed as you once again wondered why you had ever fallen in love with him.

“I’ve told you this like 10 times already but you’re waaaaay too good for him.”

“Yeah, sure.” You said as you rolled your eyes.

“(Y/N), I mean it. You’re too good, he’s an idiot and he already regrets what he’s lost. Not realising how amazing you are may have been the worst mistake of his life and he will be regretting it for the next few years.”

“Thanks Tom.” You still had your doubts here and there. Why would he cheat on you if you were as great as Tom said? Why would he think another person was worth his attention but not you? Yes, he had told you he still loved you, but was there even any worth in his words?

Without saying any more words you were pulled into a hug by Tom. He must’ve sensed that you were overthinking again and was immediately there to comfort you and to get those thoughts out of your head.

“I was initially joking about the date but from now on I’m going to be treating this as a real one and you’re going to be spoiled rotten and wooed off your shoes for the next few hours. Try to resist my charm but I can already promise you, you can’t.” He said as he tightened his arms around you.

Every hug from Tom was picking up another broken piece of your heart. Every word from Tom was putting that piece back into your shattered heart. Every look from Tom was putting glue on said piece so it couldn’t break again.

You spent the next hour going on The Swarm twice before going a little slower with the Flying Fish. Next up was Tidal Wave and it was safe to say that the both of you got soaked, but not soaked enough to not queue up again to get another bucket of water dumped over your head. Stealth was your next stop which was supposed to help you get dry again but didn’t do enough so, of course you had to go for a second round.

You were happy.

It wasn’t really a big deal that you were finally able to laugh again and smile without going back to overthinking a few seconds later, but every minute you spent with Tom was lifting your mood. He was a joy to be around and definitely did his best to treat this as a real date and “woo you off your shoes”.

“I need something chill.” Tom laughed as he threw his arm around your shoulder while you walked through the exit of Stealth. It seemed to be your reaction every time Tom was near but you leaned into his side, enjoying the warmth you received from being this close to the boy.

“Aw, why? Are you getting too old for those rides?” You grinned as Tom gasped.

“Don’t you ever insult me like that again.” He said as he poked your side with his free hand, “I was more thinking about something like Rumba Rapids.”

“Really? I was just getting dry and now you’re going to get me wet again?” You groaned.

“Believe me, if I was going to try and get you wet, I would…” He was stopped by your hand over his mouth.

“Not another word.” You said as you felt the heath rise into your cheeks.

“Told you you wouldn’t be able to resist my charm.” He grinned after you removed your hand from his mouth.

The boy wasn’t wrong. You couldn’t remember a time when you felt as good as today. Byron had a way with words, of course, otherwise you probably would’ve dropped his sorry ass a long time ago, but none of his words had ever gotten to you as much as Tom’s did. It made you wonder if Tom was just like Byron but just a lot better at words.

Just as the thought crossed your mind you were brought back into reality by Tom who had spotted a Can Knockdown Game and was immediately hellbent on getting you something. Although he failed miserably and was only able to get you a tiny bear as a consolation prize, the thought of him being just like the guy who thought this was childish, vanished from your thoughts, because let's be real, Tom was definitely a different kind of guy.

“You should date a guy that knows how to throw a stupid ball.” Tom chuckled as the two of you walked towards Rumba Rapids.

“Byron knew how to throw a ball, shame he also knew how to throw a relationship.” You shrugged, making Tom laugh.

“This man really lost something amazing.” He smiled as he put his arm back around you, leaning in to place a kiss on your hair.

Rumba Rapids may have been a lot more chill than the rollercoasters, but definitely wasn’t leaving a spot on you dry. Tom, somehow, had managed to get away without a single drop of water on his shirt, while you were completely soaked, leaving only your hair dry. You could see on Tom’s face that he was trying to hold in his laughter while you were exiting the ride.

“I can see that you are trying not to laugh.” You said as he earned a deadly look from you which made him burst out laughing, “Worst date ever.”

“Yeah, you don’t even believe that one yourself, Love.” He grinned.

“I’m fucking freezing, shut up.”

“C'mere.” He smiled as he wrapped you in a hug, sharing some of his body warmth with you and warming you up immediately.

“Thanks.” You mumbled as you pressed your cheek against the boy’s chest, trying to warm up your face.

You could hear the boy’s heartbeat. You could smell the boy’s perfume. And in that exact moment, you wished you could taste his kisses again.

Your heart sped up at the thought of kissing Tom again. Something about the kiss you had shared seemed to have made you an addict. You knew it was too early to have moved on from your heartbreak, but Tom seemed to make you forget about everything else except the here and now.

Tom said something that ripped you out of your definitely inappropriate thoughts, “Huh?”

“I asked if you wanted my - well, Harrison’s - hoodie.” He said, waving around his hoodie that he had taken off only minutes after you had arrived because it was definitely too warm to be wearing that.

“Remind me, why exactly are you wearing Harrison’s clothes?”

“Because that hoodie is amazing and he steals my stuff all the damn time, so it’s only fair I do it as well.” He shrugged, “Do you want it?”

Just as he asked again, another breeze made you shutter, resulting in you gladly accepting the offer. Tom was right, the hoodie was amazing and it definitely helped.

Tom had convinced you to go with him on the Walking Dead ride and you weren’t really sure how that had happened because that conversation went somewhere along the lines of “I hate scary things, do not make me go on that, it’s dark.” - “It’s not going to be scary, but I promise you, I will protect you.” - “Thomas, you will be giving me your pants if I shit mine.” - “You’re charming as hell. Best date ever.”.

Just as you were walking towards the entrance of said ride, Tom’s phone rang, showing an incoming WhatsApp video call from Harrison.

“What?” Tom answered as Harrison’s face popped up on the screen.

“Mate, Do you know where—” Harrison stopped in the middle of his sentence, “— are you at Thorpe Park? Without me? What the fuck?”

“Yeah, you’re boring, get to the point, why are you calling?” Tom laughed.

“Are you cheating on m— wait, that still hits home doesn’t it?” Harrison up as Tom groaned, “My bad, delete the last few seconds of this conversation please.”

“We’re both tired of your face.” Tom said as he moved so he could get you into the call as well.

“Hi (Y/N)! Wait — are you guys on a date? Is that why I was not invited?” Harrison grinned.

“No” you said at the same times as Tom said “Yes.”

“Oof, Tom, mate, you gotta have a conversation about that one.” Harrison laughed as Tom rolled his eyes.

“You weren’t invited because you were with your family? Remember? You left me. So why are you bothering me? Get to the damn point.”

“I wanted to ask about you doing the washing and mixing up our clothes again, but now I see that this missing hoodie was no accident. When did you have the time to steal my clothes, (Y/N)?” Harrison chuckled.

“It was all his doing! I was just freezing my ass off after he made me get we—” You stopped a you saw Tom fight back his all too familiar grin again “— after your idiot friend made me go on all those stupid water things like ten times in a row.”

“So, he got you wet, huh?” Harrison burst out laughing which made Tom laugh as well, but other than Harrison, Tom was standing next to you and earned a punch on his shoulder.

“I hate both of you. You both suck. You two deserve each other.”

“Hey now, don’t treat your date like that.” Tom grinned before you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Alright you two, gotta go find another hoodie now. Have fun on your date.” Harrison said, a grin displayed on his face, “Next time I want to join you.”

“Definitely not. Bye mate.” Tom waved before he ended the call just as Harrison was about to say something.

“So, Date, where were we?”

“Oh we’re just about to go on Colossus.”

“Funny, I thought we were about to queue for the Walking Dead ride.” Tom said, an eyebrow raised.

“No? Can’t remember?”

“You’re incredibly adorable when you think you can fool me, come on, I’ll be your teddy bear. You can cuddle me if you get scared.” Tom grinned as he threw his arm around your shoulder before walking towards the entrance of the ride you didn’t want to go on.

“You? My teddy bear? Where is the bear to your teddy?”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Tom pouted.

“You may be soft as hell and the sweetest date I ever had but there is literally nothing about you that would classify you as a bear.”

“You said that now, but wait until you --”

“Don’t you dare and say what I think you’re going to say!”

“-- until you hear my roar, you mean?” Tom smirked as you shot him a deadly look.

“I’m on a date with a fucking child, I’m going to fucking prison.” You groaned as Tom couldn’t help but pull you closer into his side, “Why couldn’t Byron have cheated with, I don’t know, Michael B Jordan’s girlfriend.”

“Rude.”

The rest of the day went on pretty smoothly as Tom refrained from any jokes about his “bear parts” or you being wet. The Walking Dead ride wasn’t as scary as you thought it would be and the rest of the rides were a lot of fun, which is why you were currently sitting in Tom’s car, a smile displayed on your face as the two of you sang along to old 90’s songs.

“Thanks for today, Tom.” You smiled as your turned your head so you could admire how good the boy looked from where you were leaning your head against the headrest.

“You’re welcome. Feeling better than you did this morning?” He smiled as he spared you a quick glance before turning his eyes back on the road.

“A lot.” You smiled, still taking in the boy’s profile, “I don’t know what it was about Byron telling me he still loves me that made me cry like a little kid. I thought I had put that behind me when I cried for like 2 days straight. I told myself he wasn’t going to break me after I found out about Jo, and I still feel so damn weak everytime it happens.”

“Crying over losing someone you love isn’t weakness, (Y/N).” Tom said as his left hand reach out to grab yours. “I feel like crying is a big part of the healing process and getting over someone, y’know, getting everything out of your system before you can start new.”

“How do you do it? I mean, you were just as heartbroken as I was, maybe even more since you didn’t see it coming, but I would never see you as weak as I see myself.” You asked, intertwining his fingers with yours as he comforted you with a soft squeeze, his eyes still on the road.

“When I found out, it felt like my whole world came crashing down to be fair. I had seen my future in her, but sometimes, all it needs is for someone to come in and throw you off cloud nine. It was definitely unexpected, but I also think it’s good that it happened rather sooner than later, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get that, we were great together for like three years and then this shit happened. It’s just, take away the last few months and I probably would have said yes to a proposal which makes me think about how stupid I really am. I just - I don’t know - I thought he was the one.”

“It’s okay to think about that stuff, there have been times when I thought about proposing, but there was something about Harrison being so strictly against Jo that kept me grounded and on the lookout for that little something that I seemed to ignore.” Tom said, “I knew he always had my back which is why we both probably made it our mission to have yours after what happened with Will.”

“Do you still love her?” The words left your mouth before you could stop them, “Sorry, that--”

“-- no, I don’t think so.” Tom interrupted your apology.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know, it just feels different. I know that I still love the time we had and some of the moments we shared, but it’s -- different. It’s like, I think about something in the past and I still get that flutter in my chest, but then I think about seeing her at that party, and there was no flutter or anything, all I knew was that I had to get her home safe - not because I love her but because it’s how I was raised.” He said, as you nodded.

You knew what he meant, because it definitely felt different when you had talked to Byron this morning, but you didn’t know if you were ready to say that you didn’t love him anymore.

“There is a part of me that still doesn’t know if I can ever go without loving Byron and that scares the shit out of me.” You quietly admitted, your eyes stuck on the road in front of you. “It’s like there is this big part of me that isn’t there anymore and I don’t know how it happened because I prepared myself for our break up. I was prepared for it, and I hate myself for not knowing what the future without him will look like, which is stupid.”

“You are not weak and you are not stupid. Don’t ever think that okay? I hate that he made you feel like this. I hate that you think of yourself like that, because if we are being real here, he should be the one feeling like that. It’s okay to admit that he fucked you up. It’s okay to love with all your heart and hurt deeply. But it is also okay to move on and tell yourself that you are better than that.” Tom said as he squeezed your hand, his thumb tracing circles onto your skin. “You deserve the whole fucking world, and a guy who is not ready to give it to you, isn’t worth your time, Love.”

Your eyes found Tom’s. This was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you. Tom always found the right words and you loved how good of a listener he was. You loved how he could go from being his charming self to listening to all of your stupid problems over and over again. He had told you the day you had broken up with Byron and he had been there for you ever since. Byron cheating on you resulted in one good thing - you had met Tom.

“Thank you Tom - from the bottom of my broken, fucked up heart - thank you for being there.” You smiled as you lifted your entwined fingers, pressing a kiss onto the back of his hand.

Taglist (def need a new one, watch out for a link soon):

Permanent: @cosmetologynerd / @stealth-spiderr / @queenoflostspirits / @harryrholland (You’ll forever be on this) / @mysticsthinking / @its-the-unknownspidey / @thequeensardine/ @obsessed-fandoms / @mcumendes / @fairydustparker / @spider-strange-iron-loki / @definitely-not-black-cat / @nerdofthehighestcalibre / @underoosmarvel / @carolinebe22/ @summertime-acoustic / @bringmethehorizonandpizza / @justasmisunderstoodasloki / @nedthegay / @takemetooneverlanddd / @buckystolemyheart / @miraclesoflove / @sarahkatexoxo / @peter-man-parker / @ixchel-9275 / @otheenglishsetters / @happywolves81 / @xlatinaaxx / @soincredible / @desir-ae / @iamcalledsteph / @timelock97 / @captainbuckyy / @newtsshelbys / @micki-smiles / @cosmicdaya / @lovelytrashure / @awkwardfangirl2014 / @fanficparker / @raeylia / @hollandstanevans / @harringtonmyhusband / @gendryia / @xxtomxo / @peterbrokenparker / @crazyfreaker / @itsvianny / @musicspeaks / @staringmoony / @healthyassdonut / @justmesadgirl / @iloveyourfanfiction / @shipperfangirling / @alt-ernativewonderland / @shaykeijser / @mxrvellouspidey / @24kcalum / @heartbeats-wildly / @southsidespidey / @juliabuenooo / @tomshufflepuff / @sleepybesson / @acciotonystank / @httplayer / @andy497 / @marshmallow-babe / @casualcolorstarfish / @scarletpparker / @peterparkoure / @trustfundparker / @evelyn120700 / @hopelessfluff / @soccerstud004 / @every-heart-has-scars / @lada122 / @candycxorn / @zipitparker / @emcsii04 / @adolescentsouls / @neverlandparker / @nedthegay / @whothehellisbucky / @marvelgiggles

Tom: @danicarosaline / @aestheticgaybish / @kthemarsian

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland au #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland story #tom holland writing #tom holland x you #tom #tom holland ff #unexpected chances

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fanficparker · 4 years

Text

Faking, Falling > Part 13

Harrison Osterfield x Reader (Fake dating! Unrequited love switcheroo!)

Word count: ~2.7 k words

Warning: Swearing(a lot lol), Major Fluff and Angst, mentions of anxiety attack.

A/N: I have written this chapter 7 times(no jokes), yet it doesn’t appeal to me. Hope our opinions differ :|

Summary: Everything not saved will be lost...

<< PART 12 [ MASTERLIST ] PART 14 >>

Insisting your mum to sit and wait on the dining table while Harrison and you were cooking dinner was indeed one good decision. It was a real fun time to look at the boy who had just minutes ago proudly claimed to be a wonderful chef, struggling to chop carrots. He was repeatedly shifting and bouncing on his feet, changing the angle of the knife with the chopping board, placing the carrots back and forth, yet needing too much force to cut them.

You had already finished preparing the gravy and was waiting for the vegetables to be put into it, but Harrison... You turned off the flame and stood next to him, sneaking a peek at his MasterChef skills. He stopped for a second, looked up at you, saw you grinning, made a face and started... more like 'struggled' to continue chopping. A small chuckle left your lips imagining yourself as Gordon Ramsey and calling him something like 'you donkey.' Harrison ignored your chuckle but soon you erupted into a hysterical laughter. He glanced at you from the corner of his eyes and dropped his knife on the board. He turned to face you.

"What?" He said folding his arms to his chest and rolling his eyes. He wasn't expecting the next thing to happen. You stood up on your tip-toes and softly pecked his cheek. It was out of his expectations and now he was out of breath. He looked at you, you were giggling, eyes crinkling.

"You are so adorable, Harrison."

Those maybe just a few words for you but for him, it meant nothing less than a ray of hope. He didn't care if you could see him blushing, he didn't care if you could see him staring at you. He just stood there in his natural form, completely displaying everything he felt for you in his eyes.

See it Y/n. See it for yourself because I don't know how to say it. His chest constricted when you turned to the chopping board and started cutting the left carrots. He closed his eyes, heaved a slight sigh and ducked his head down. A small smile spread across his lips.

Hope.

His teeth nipped at his lower lip trying to contain the smile. He shook his head slowly and made his way to the stove. He switched on the flame and started stirring the gravy while you put in the chopped vegetables inside the pan, smiling back at him.

Things weren't any different on the dining table. Harrison found himself unable to concentrate on his food. He couldn't involve himself in the conversations. He felt your hand rest on his knee from beneath the table, his head shot up and swirled to look at you. For once he just wanted to stare at those e/c eyes.

"Didn't like the food?" You quipped. He shook his head and smiled.

"... I-I love it."

Your hand reached out to hold his free hand but before you could barely make any contact, his arm hurriedly rushed to wipe off the sweat that covered his clammy palms but you held it before he could do so and interlaced your fingers with his.

***

Days were passing by…

Harrison was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his hands were folded at the back of his head. He was biting at his lower lip as a message flooded across his mind.

Warning: Are you sure you want to quit? Everything not saved will be lost. His mind couldn't get rid of the normal video game exit message all of a sudden. It had just simply stuck on his mind.

"Are you sure you want to quit?" He mouthed the sentence, trying to feel how it sounded like in his voice and felt like on his lips. He sighed feeling stupid. He should be sleeping. He couldn't anyway sleep on time, it took a lot of time and efforts for him to finally drift to sleep. Sometimes it took him two hours after lying down on the bed and sometimes even more than four hours. Tonight, was the latter. His insomnia only led him to wake up extremely late in the morning and even sometimes he ended up waking up in the afternoon. It was a compulsion to wake up early when he had work but in these free times, he simply couldn't. In all these eleven days he never woke up early.

Eleven days... Eleven days have passed.

Wait. No. It was the twelfth day already.

Harrison's stomach churned painfully, his breathing started to get heavier. He turned his head to look at you. One of your arms was resting over his torso and your head was pressed against his shoulder. You looked so peaceful. And it somehow managed to hurt his feelings.

How can you be so peaceful?

HOW CAN YOU BE SO PEACEFUL?!!

He turned his head again towards the ceiling, closing his eyes momentarily, trying to clear his mind. But... Don't you know it's the twelfth day? Twelve out of thirteen days of the agreement! His eyeballs roamed violently and anxiously hidden under the cover of his eyelids. He could hear the sound of the ticking wall clock. He dreaded of being unable to stop it, reverse it or at least slow it down.

Did he even spend any time with you? Seriously, what did you two even do in all these days? He tried to think. He forced himself to think, to remember, yet all he found was his brain in a frozen state, his mind was stuck over the constant fact— it's over.

Everything not saved will be lost.

His palms were all pins and needles, he clenched them into a tight fist but the sensation didn't leave him. His throat was dry and suddenly it was too difficult to breathe or maybe even impossible. His chest felt like constricting. A single tear left his eyes and trickled down to fall into his ears. It was happening again, after so many days. Just in two days, he will be back to being alone— lonely. He hated being lonely.

He tried to calm himself down. Failing to do so forced him to remove your arm that rested on him. He counted under his breath, inhaling and exhaling with each even and odd numeral as he got up from the bed and walked inside the bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror while his palms were pressed against the counter. He sucked in a breath and splashed water across his face, almost violently yet it helped, he soon felt better.

On getting outside the bathroom he noticed you sitting on the bed, while the table lamp was switched on. Lifting your head, you glanced at him as he walked back to the bed giving him a sleepy smile. And he did smile back. How couldn't he? There was something in the way you smiled that reminded him of his better self, something you brought in him. He sat beside you and as if everything wasn't enough, you slid closer to him (basically bumping into him), closed your eyes, snaked an arm around his waist and rested your head on his shoulder while slowly caressing his arm with your fingers. His eyelids fluttered shut, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling.

"I'll miss you..." You whispered in a sleepy, groggy voice, trailing off the words. A stupid chuckle left his lips, his heart momentarily lurched, calming the damage it suffered moments ago.

"What?" You quipped, lifting up your head to look at his face. Opening his eyes, he bent his head down so that it rested over your head, inhaling the sweet smell of the almost faded shampoo. He planted a little kiss in your hair, a sweet loving one, the one that made your heart flutter and skin burn.

"You don't have to miss me."

You pulled your head away and looked at him, curiously.

"How?"

He turned to face you and folded his legs beneath him. He inhaled sharply and looked down at your hands. His arms reached out and held them both in his bigger ones. He breathed out slowly, looking back into your eyes. You shifted closer to him, knees bumping, waiting for him to speak.

"It's—It's... I don't want this to end." His voice almost cracked saying it. He gulped and chose to continue speaking, ignoring the dryness in his throat.

"I... I... I really like you Y/n." He uttered in a single breath making your breath hitch in your throat. You would be lying if you didn't consider it coming. He had given signals, enough signals, but you chose to pretend not to notice. Your fingers curled and you gently slide away your hands from his grip, turning away so that he couldn't see your face. The sudden surge of wetness in your eyelashes forced you to look up at the ceiling. Harrison didn't speak anything, he just sat there waiting for you to respond something, literally anything but your tongue was tied into a thousand knots. You picked at the cuticles of your fingernails, not knowing what to feel about any of this. Inhaling deeply and wiping off the little tears you turned back to see him. He was looking down at his hands, badly fidgeting.

"Sorry..." Your voice came as a whisper and his head shot up.

"... Sorry?" He repeated in disbelief.

"I... I don't know." Your chest felt like swelling making it difficult to breathe. He grabbed your hands again, tracing circles on the back with his thumb.

"It's okay. I understand." His smile seemed forced and pained.

'"I am not saying no. I just... How do I explain?" You had started getting frustrated. You wanted to scratch your head but he had held your arms and was lovingly drawing patterns over them. He was still facing you, patiently waiting for you to explain but that was the exact problem.

How to fucking explain this weird turmoil in your heart?

"You don't trust me, right?" His voice came.

Shit. Right. He was right. Y/n didn't know how to move on. Stupid Y/n. You mentally scolded yourself.

"... I don't trust me neither." His hands left yours and dropped onto his thighs like they had zero strength. Your heartfelt heavy at his words. Why would he say that?

"Why? Why are you saying---"

He cuts you off and his voice came a little louder, "Forget what I said. Christ! What was I even thinking?! Me..." He let out a dry, broken laugh that just made your stomach fall. He shifted back and raked his hands through his hairs, his hands were shaking.

"I am an absolute piece of shit. You remember how I humiliated you in front of a big crowd? And still, you're here being nice to me and I was falling for you and expected you to feel the same for me. Ha." He slapped the side of his head and tears were slipping down his cheeks. For a minute your body froze, unable to respond, taking in his appearance.

"You know, you are not the only one I fucked up with. I fuck up with everyone. All my friends hate me. My family, damn... How are they even keeping up with me?" He hurriedly jumped off the bed and started walking around the room. You tried to get up and approach him but he showed his palm at you when you tried to get out of the bed. You stopped and his hands again made their way to his hairs and he was almost pulling at his curls.

"You know... I had this great big friend circle. We all were like buddies but then... But then... I fell in love with Shelly and fucked up everything."

You sat there and listened, that was the maximum you could do right now.

"I was just thirteen and I was in love with my best friend. And damn I thought she loved me back. She used to spend so much time with me, hold my hand, held me when dad died. I was sixteen and decided to tell her but then... I saw her kissing Tom. Tom oh... My other best friend, the brother I never had and they were kissing. I let it happen... Obviously. They seemed happy together and I was happy for them.

"But then Tom had to go to the States for months and she came to me. She said she realised she loved me. I told her to tell him but she said she already did. I shouldn't have believed her, I should have checked for myself but I was too desperate. Fucking too desperate! She cheated on Tom with me... Me— her best friend and Tom's best friend. And when he came back, everyone blamed me more than her. They all left me. Shelly got away to Ireland and everyone... each one of them ghosted me even when we lived in the same town, studied in the same school. I failed my semester that year. Tom, Harry, Tuwaine all of them just ghosted me, pretended like I didn't exist. And you know what I did?" He stopped on his tracks and looked at you, you were just sitting there like a statue unable to understand how to respond to anything he said. You tried to open your mouth but words didn't form. He snorted and looked to the other side, deciding to continue.

"Then I became an absolute asshole, having no remorse for anything. I stopped caring if my actions broke the heart of the other person. And then there was you... You who seemed like the old me, too naïve to believe me just like I believed Shelly but... I was wrong. You were better. A better person and yet I ended up hurting you at multiple occasions, not even realizing that I was hurting myself in the process. But... I deserve it and you don't." He paused, exhaling sharply. "I just wanna say that... I am really sorry Y/n." He looked down at his feet, standing in the middle of the room. There was complete silence in the room for what seemed like hours.

"...Not like I am any better." Your voice came out quieter but clearly audible. Harrison looked at you as you got up from the bed and walked towards him. You wrapped your arms around his torso and leaned in to place your head on his chest. He didn't respond, just stood there while you hugged him tightly.

"You know if Simon didn't turn out to be a bad guy, I was basically just using him to oppose you. And then I dragged you into this act without your consent for my personal gains." You confessed, hearing his heartbeat through his chest. His hands twitched and he slowly placed an arm around your back.

"We have our own demons, Haz. But I am glad we realised and aren't making an excuse out of it. We learnt and grew out of it."

He sighed, running his fingers through your hairs and resting his face on the top of your head.

"I feel better letting everything out. It was easier than I thought. Thanks for listening."

"... And thanks for everything," You mouthed, snuggling into his chest but he pulled himself back, holding your shoulders and looking at you for answers.

"Everything?"

"I mean... You supported me in all my career insecurity and so much more. I had my best fortnight ever with you." A blush crept up your cheeks but you were genuinely grateful.

"That's nothing," He shrugged.

"Meant a lot to me," a half-grin plastered across your face and he did smile back. Like he always does. He realised that he was staring at your face and that made him bounce back on his feet, pulling away from your embrace. He once again looked down at his feet and scratched the back of his neck.

"So... what now?" He bit the inside of his cheeks, looking at you through his lashes.

"Maybe just sleep for now."

Like he'll be able to sleep when you had a big ass question unanswered.

"Sure."

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