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base-and-co · 8 months

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i'm basically racing time at this point just to post this before 7th ep of Ahsoka is out because i LOVE my rebel children and want to express this love.

i've shipped SabEzra since i was 13-14, so now when i'm kinda grown, i can finally show it and give it what it deserves.

so here's my little exploration of this ship (and subtle depression/PTSD hints in Ezra's behavior because OF COURSE HE'D HAVE THEM)

it can be interpret both platonicaly and romantically

Can you do something with my hair?

Standing in front of the mirror, Ezra carefully pulled his skin, examining his beard and face. He had done his best maintaining his apperance back in his time out of the galaxy, but there were far more important things to think about.

Ezra sighed, looking in the mirror in front of him, and pointed every detail he could find. What he was not prepared for is how much he reminded himself of his father. It was weird. He had to say "This is me. I am Ezra." for it to sink in, but it was still wrong. It felt like he was looking in the past. The past was long time ago - ten years ago - and today was still new and unfamiliar. Ezra felt like he was stuck in this bizarre limbo between times and the way his face looked didn't really help.

Door slid open. Ezra looked at his guest (or was he a guest in these quarters? he didn't know yet) and was met by Sabine's eyes and smile.

"I brought you clothes to choose from," she said, putting her small cargo on the table. Ezra smiled and thanked her, but Sabine didn't seem like she was going to leave. Ezra was good with it. "Are you not gonna see?"

Ezra shrugged, turning back to the mirror.

"A bit later, I guess."

"Those're new."

"Clothes?"

"No. Scars."

Ezra looked back at Sabine and blinked, confused. She was looking at him closely, and it was this moment Ezra realized he was half-naked.

"Oh," he breathed, looking at his torso and arms like he was seeing them for the first time in his life. "Yeah. They're not really new. Some are ten years old."

"Which ones?" Sabine asked, pushing herself from the table and closer to Ezra. He let out a thoughtful hum, looking for something on his body.

"Oh, there it is." Sabine tilted her head, watching as Ezra rose his left arm up. There was a long thin line from his armpit to his ribs. "This one's from the hyperspace jump. Y'know, glass broke and cut me up a bit."

"When you left Lothal?.. That jump?.." Sabine's fingers traced the scar, making Ezra shiver - it tickled. He smiled, lowering his arm back down.

"Well, I haven't been jumping much since then," he laughed a bit, and Sabine gave him a little smile.

"I've got some new ones too," she said, lifting up her shirt to show her torso too. Ezra looked at her, surprised and a bit bashful, and then she pointed to the round scar on her right side.

All shyness faded away, changed by concern, when Ezra saw it. He lowered a bit, furrowed and touched the scar, and Sabine didn't even flinch.

"A burn?.." he said in low voice, trying to understand what he was looking at. "A blaster?"

"A lightsaber." Ezra's eyes flicked up and Sabine could see horror in his gaze. She shrugged. "Not a big deal."

"It is!" Ezra protested, straightening up. "How did you even..."

"Doctors said I got lucky and it didn't really touch anything important, and the bleeding was stopped almost immediately, 'cause y'know. Those things're hot."

Ezra let out a nervous laugh and shook his head.

"Unbelievable."

"Hey," Sabine smiled and pointed at him. "If you can survive the hyperspace jump and ten years in another galaxy, why can't I take a little lightsaber to the gut?"

Ezra lifted his hands, surrendering to her reasoning.

"It wasn't MY lightsaber, I hope?" he turned back to mirror and the reflection took him aback once more. The only thing he was sure was his were his eyes and scars.

"Nah, some pretentious girl's", Sabine said, and then she furrowed a bit. "You good?"

"Dunno," Ezra answered honestly. He touched his chin and turned his head from side to side. "Don't you think I look a bit too much like my dad?"

"Wow, I wonder where this resemblance came from. Like you're blood related or something," she crossed her arms with a smile. But there was something in Ezra's voice, something a bit too serious, that couldn't let her relax. "Does it bother you?"

Ezra lowered his arms and turned to Sabine, a bit bashful once more.

"Can you..." he hesitated a bit, like he was too embarrassed to ask. Sabine arched her eyebrow. "Can you do something with my hair?"

Sabine blinked in surprise and took a few steps towards him.

"Something?" she echoed, raising her hands up and touching his dark locks. Ezra was surprisingly comfortable with it. He shrugged.

"I trust your artistic vision." Sabine smiled slyly, looking into his eyes.

"Does it mean I can dye it?"

Ezra closed his eyes and raised his hands in surrender once more.

"Do your worst."

It took Sabine about ten minutes to go get what she needed and then she put Ezra down on a chair and started doing her magic. Ezra relaxed, lulled by movement of her hands and the feeling of her focus. His state was close to meditation, like he was sitting there, and could feel Force move and swirl around them, in the room and the building, he could feel so many living creatures it was a bit overwhelming.

"You tensed," Sabine's voice was quiet yet for Ezra it sounded like thunder. It was hard not to flinch, but he managed to keep his peace. Who knows, what would she chop off with those scissors in her hands...

"Meditating," he answered simply.

"Aren't you supposed to be relaxed then?" she asked, pulling his hair slightly to detangle a couple of little knots.

"Ideally, yeah," Ezra smiled. "But it's been a while since I had so many distractions around me."

"Distractions?" Sabine echoed, looking in the mirror to see Ezra's face expression. His eyes were still closed and he looked peaceful, but she could feel that slight tension he bore in his posture and mimics. His lashes quivered for a moment, when he began his explaining.

"It's the Force," he said, flapping his hand on his lap lightly, gesturing around, "It was different out there. Muted, I think. Or just... Distant."

Sabine froze for a moment, but then continued grooming Ezra's hair without saying anything.

"It's way more present here," Ezra continued, tilting his head slightly, following movement of Sabine's hands. "I feel like I can touch every single thread that connects everyone and everything around me. Like I can tap into Force without even thinking about it."

"Thought you could do that before," Sabine said quietly. She could see Ezra chuckle silently.

"Yeah, well... I had to meditate my ass off just to feel someone around me back there," Sabine swallowed a bit. The thought of Ezra spending days straight on meditation out of pure hope to not be alone was very uncomfortable. "I'm a pro now."

"Oh, well I'm very flattered to tend to your holy hair, oh master-jedi," Sabine spoke so dramatically it inevitably made Ezra laugh.

"Come on," he said, choking on laughter, "Right now you have much more power over me than I have over you. It's not me holding the scissors."

She clicked said scissors loudly and Ezra chuckled again.

"What're doing, by the way?" he said, looking at Sabine's face in the mirror.

"Trying to align that wavy bush you got up here," she said calmly. "Then I'm gonna braid or gather it, I think. Not sure yet."

"So, no dye?"

"You said do my worst, not my best," she raised her gaze and met Ezra's eyes in the mirror. He was looking at her, and was so calm and relaxed, Sabine felt a quick pick of guilt in her stomach. He trusted her to do his hair, but she knew it meant so much more. She knew, Ezra would trust her his own life without hesitation. He already did, in fact. And it took her ten years to finally get him home. She should've realized sooner, found him sooner.

"Sabine?"

She shivered, clicking on air. Nervous smile crawled on Ezra's face.

"You good?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sabine quickly shook her head, regaining her composure. "I think we're done with cutting for now."

Ezra blinked slowly, like he was falling back into his meditative state while Sabine was taking care of his hair. She hoped he couldn't feel slight shiver in her hands while she brushed his hair with her fingers, but chances that Ezra didn't notice were slim. He would always point details quickly and now, after so much time spent in hiding and surviving, he must've been even more perceptive.

However, Ezra was silent, lost in motions of Sabine's hands and feel of being cared of. It felt nice and Ezra remembered how a long time ago Kanan would help him with his hair when it got too long, how he would teach him to shave, couple months before Malachor. Memories washed Ezra, like a gentle tide, and he could not help but snort from laughter, making Sabine hum, questioning what was on his mind.

"I used to have a buzzcut," he explained, raising his hand to cover his eyes and dumb smile. Sabine chuckled.

"It suited you," she said, tying his hair in a knot of the back of his nead. "But it doesn't go with your beard."

She lowered from behind him, looking at his face closely. Ezra looked up at her, watching her eyes inspect him.

"Wanna make me shave? 'Cause I haven't done it in, like, ten years," he chuckled nervously, but then Sabine straightened and for some reason Ezra felt in danger.

"I'll do it," she said, rubbing her hands and smiling with such sly Ezra thought she would make some crazy design on his face. Well, he told her to do her worst...

So Ezra just gulped, braced himself up and trusted Sabine's vision. They were silent for a bit, while Sabine lathered his face and beard and started to shave him little by little. She was still behind him, and Ezra was looking in the mirror, watching movement of her hands and the focused expression on her face. It was this moment when he started to recognise himself in the reflection. It took him a good couple of seconds to realize that he was looking at his own face. It was no longer the past, it was something else - it was HIM. Not that boy, who survived in Lothal's sewers, not the kid from Ghost's crew or a young officer of Rebellion, no, this was all a long-long time ago. But it was him, Ezra, he could see it. He could see how his eyes burned a bit brighter upon this realisation.

"Wow," he breathed out, making Sabine stop.

"What is it?" she said, concerned.

"Nothing, I just," he chuckled nervously. "I recognised myself."

Sabine blinked, confused.

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking at him through the mirror. He hesitated a bit, feeling like saying his thoughts out loud would be foolish.

"It's a bit dumb," he confessed, but Sabine only rolled her eyes.

"Go on, stop mushing around," she said, picking up the wet towel to wash lather off of his face.

"It's just," he looked up, raising his chin so Sabine could wipe his neck with the towel, "back then, when I took Thrawn away, I was completely out of the fight. I could not do anything. Literally, I had no ability to help you guys or even to know what was going on."

Sabine's jaw line tensed, but she was silent, still taking care of Ezra's face. His gaze was distant and she was thankful for that.

"I spent ten years, living by hope," he said quietly. "When I thought that I might end up stranded forever or that I might die without ever coming home, I simply assured myself that wasn't the case. I was waiting, and making myself useful in the process. Meditating, helping locals, learning their language and making sure Thrawn would stay there with me."

Sabine put the towel down and put her hands on Ezra's shoulders, watching his face in the mirror. He was speaking quietly, yet for her it was the most important thing in the world, so she listened like her life depended on it.

"I used to entertain myself," he continued, "thinking about what would I do when I get back. I wanted to go fly with Hera, wanted to spar with you, wanted to chill with Zeb and Chopper, as we used to do back in the old days. Wanted to find Ahsoka and finally find out where the heck I was when I pulled her out. Wanted to go back to Lothal and watch it rebuild. But now I feel like..."

Sabine clenched her fingers a bit, watching as Ezra look away and furrow in confusion.

"I feel like I missed so much I don't even know where am I anymore. I know I'm home and I'm happy, I really am," he looked up to the mirror, and Sabine didn't know if he tried to convince her or himself. "But I don't know what to do."

He looked back down.

"I think, I'm scared."

Sabine took a deep breath and moved, sitting down in front of Ezra. He looked at her, still lost, and it felt like guilt and sorrow gripped her heart with its cold claws. She couldn't bear seeing him like this.

"Hey," she whispered, putting her hand on his cheek. "It's okay. It's been a long time, I know. It's okay to feel a bit confused."

Ezra looked her straight in the eyes, like there were answers, and Sabine only smiled. He opened up to her. It was only fair to open up back.

"You know, I was so afraid, that I would be late," she said, brushing her thumb over his face. Tears stung her eyes, but they were still hidden. "But even more so, I was afraid to find you and realise that you were gone."

Ezra blinked, not understanding what she was talking about. Sabine chuckled. Even after all these years, he looked like a silly pup of lotho-wolf, when his eyes had this questioning look in them.

"I was afraid," she gulped, still caressing his cheek. "That the boy I grew up with was gone, but his body would still be alive. I was afraid that all those horrors and unknowns would've done to you."

Ezra furrowed and out his hand on hers, catching her attention.

"I was afraid I would find you and not recognise," she whispered in strangled voice.

"But you did," Ezra whispered back, caressing the back of her hand with his palm. "And I'm so happy you did. I knew you would."

Sabine shook her head slightly and pressed her forehead to Ezra's. It was so important for her to feel him, to know that he was around and to show him she was as well.

"We'll figure it out," she promised, still gripping his face. Ezra watched her, but Sabine's eyes were closed. "We will figure it out, 'cause you're alive and you're here. Everything else will come around. We'll get you fly with Hera and Jacen, we'll spar, we'll get you to Lothal and you'll see the memorial and your home. I'll go catch some lotho-cat for you to talk to, we'll go anywhere you want, do whatever you want."

"Sabine," Ezra called quietly. "I can't make everything about me."

"You should."

"What do you want?" he asked, nugding to her head, gently petting the back of her head with his free hand.

"I want to make sure you're never alone again," she said and her voice was so full of pain and guilt. Ezra smiled gently, letting her snuggle even closer.

"I'm not. I never was." he whispered, touching her nose with his own. "I always felt you. We're connected. Force unites all of us. All of us who cross the galaxy and who stays low. All of us who's breathing and who's not."

"Since when did you become so wise," Sabine smiled, ignorring a tear running down her cheek.

"Dunno," Ezra smiled back. "Somewhen between learning how to ask for water and using woodstick as a weapon to spook howlers."

They laughed quietly, still sitting close, forehead to forehead, hands of back of each others heads. And it felt right.

"Okay," Sabine whispered, pulling back from Ezra. His eyes followed her movement, yet he looked calm and relaxed. She wiped the tear from her face and shiffed, and looked like she was completely okay with the fact of Ezra still holding her hand. "Let's see that you think."

She moved aside and let Ezra look in the mirror. He blinked in surprise, when he realised that she was done.

Turning his head from side to side, Ezra smiled in awe.

"Wait," he squinted, looking back at Sabine. "Did you copy Kanan's goatee?"

Sabine chuckled.

"It looks good!" she protested, taking his chin and making him look back in the mirror. "Looks like you."

Sabine was right. Of course, she was right. Ezra huffed a laugh. He could try to argue, but she would always win. And yeah, the reflection looked like him.

A tapestry, carefully weaved from memories of old and hopes of future. It suited him.

"Thank you, Sabine."

She smiled.

"Anytime. Now, lets get you dressed."

Ezra blinked and looked down, once again realising he had only his pants on.

"Yes, please..."

#ahsoka series #ezra bridger #sabine wren #sabezra #star wars rebels #fanfiction #i love them so much my heart's dying #this i want this in my life #hurt/comfort

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