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wujico · 3 months

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tw: death, sh

today sucked.

i thought it was going to go well... it started off well- so i assumed things would run smoothly. 🍀 didnt wake up until i was already at work, so the entire morning i was doom scrolling on tikok waiting for a text from him :,) im so pathetic, aren't i?

my mind was a little quiet though, given the anxiety i had last night. i woke up expecting the worse. silence is better than hearing anything. sometimes i wanna shut out my headmates forever, if it means i dont have to think.

ill never get that pleasure though, be it the thoughts from my depression, or my mind running as a cause of the adhd... and i dont even wanna get started on the malidaptive daydreaming disorder.

i hear everything and feel everything so heavily; maybe im cursed to have my emotions turned up all the way. ive always been called a "cry baby", though i dont think ive cried in front of anyone again since that one day.

as i write this im on my break at work. my hands are shaking in the break room, from the anxiety and the cold. i think the cold just makes the anxiety worse, especially with certain headmates who are serverly triggered by snow / cold weather.

i always used to like the snow, now i feel like dying when i wake up and see the crytal flakes falling outside my window.

im waiting for a message from 🍀 right now. he replied to what i sent him but didn't say anything more and i cant help but be worried... he never tells me anything anymore... when did i become such an unproachable person?

i think ive always been that way.

my breaks over, maybe ill write more tonight.

its tonight now,

i saw an old woman today, at my work. she reminded me of my grandma who died a few years back. ever since i started working here ive gotten better at talking to people, especially to lonely old people, who just need a outlet. i can do some small talk, even though im awkward and it burns me out right afterwards. i can never rest during work because i constanly replay every conversation and nitpick every detail of what i said and how i could be better.

but anyway, she reminded me of my grandma.

i never talked much with my grandma, not seriously. and i hate myself for it. i so blatantly had a favourite grandma back then. and now the one i pushed away is the one i miss the most. she was also so kind to me, even when i hated myself.

she used to make me crochet things when i was younger, before i was even born. i have them in my baby box, little signs for my room, little toys, little stuffed animals... she loved doing that and she was really good at it. she made me an entire dollhouse, which i dont have anymore. oh how i long to play with my barbies on the fabric she carved out herself.

she used to do it all the time, make things for me, especially when she used to babysit me and my brother for weeks on end during the summer months. as i got older, things like TV started to take over our life. me and my brother would still play outside a lot, and we'd play together inside too.... but slowly playing games like uno and skippo with my grandma got less and less "cool" in a way. me and my brother would turn to our wii and the tv (to watch dantdm together) before we'd chose to play a game with her.

i remember it vividly; shed sit at our table, doing crosswords, crochet, or watching gillmore girls. sometimes shed even ask, "ji, do you wanna play a game with me?" and even then, id say no.

i regret it. hours and hours shed sit there. i mean, sometimes i would play games with her, but to a kid... dantdm and stampy are much more fun than uno.

we had this thing, when id watch those youtubers, when they started being extra loud. shed yell at me jokinly why im watching british men play a game- maybe she couldnt undertsand the appeal of minecraft at all. i would giggle, turn it down a bit, then start infordumbing about what hes doing. she'd shake her head and walk off saying she didnt understand, but i saw her smiling anyway.

we went camping all the time with her and my grandpa, park our little tent trailer next to their bigger trunk-pulled one. they had a dog at that time, a german shepherd named shadow. she was such a sweetheart, i used to love running around with her in the surroundings forests. my grandma would struggle with making her bed and other things because it was tucked in the very back of the trailer. i used to go and help her if she "rewarded me nicely", which she always did. she always got me the best snacks that my parents wouldnt let me have. camping was a treat in itself, but it was better with them.

and we'd play games, over and over and over again.

its not the same anymore. my grandpa is gonna sell the trailer, shadow is dead- and so is my grandma. the areas we used to go to i never set foot in anymore.

i dont think i properly got a chance to grieve over her; i never get a chance to grieve over anyone. life moves on immediately, at in that case it was no different.

ive never thought about it since it happend... i think it was about 5 years ago maybe more. she had a heart attack of some sort; was send in an ambulance to the hospital. i was a kid, i didnt think much of it. 'shed get better' id tell myself, because at time my other grandpa had been in and out of hospital for cancer and he seemed to be doing alright. oh how wrong i was.

im crying now, blurring the letters on my phone. the lights in my room are giving me a headache. i never thought about it again, what i saw, what i experienced. i thought i had forgotten it, but for some reason, tonight, i remember it all.

the hallways of the hospital are white with brown accents, but theres a hint of colour within the plants. it smells like a hospital usually does; sterile and stangant. i didnt really mind it that much at the time. i was with my aunt and my dad, both my grandmas children. we walked to the icu. the windows werent glass though, like they are in the movies, i couldnt see into any of the rooms until we got to my grandmas, which im still thankful for, because i know i wouldnt have liked what i saw.

when we got to my grandmas room, it was really dark. her bed was against the oppsite wall to the door. there were no windows outside. there were two chairs on the left wall. the rest of the room was filled up completely by machines and tubes and wires.

my grandma was in the middle of the bed, not moving, barely breathing. she was in a coma. she was so pale, so lifeless. i had never seen her alseep before.

i sat on the chair and listened to my aunt speak to her. i wanted to cry and beg her to wake up. but i didnt. my dad asked if i was okay, i just nodded my head. my throat was dry. i still remember how peacful she looked. but i wasnt dumb, i knew it was a sort of peaceful that couldnt mean anything good.

im so sorry grandma, that i didnt say anything to you. im sorry i didnt say i love you. im so sorry that i couldnt speak, that my words were caught in my throat again. i can never speak when it matters the most. im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry

they say coma patients are still aware of their surroundings... ill always live with the guilt of never saying goodbye.

she died a few days later. my uncle picked me up from work— from my old job at a movie theatre. i was gonna go see my grandma again. i was really dissociated that day, so its all blurry. but i remember eating popcorn. my uncle started driving me home instead of the hospital. my mom told me she died when i got home.

i hate myself for not being able to say goodbye. i hate myself for all the lost time i never spent with her. i hate myself for chosing other activites than hanging out with her. i hate myself for never being able to hold a conversation with her as i grew older. i hate myself for having a favorite and for treating her differently. i hate myself for never saying i loved her.

i couldnt cry over her, besides the initial tears. i dont know why tonight is different, why do i have to remember everything all of a sudden?

i really want to die. im six months clean from sh, but i think im going to end that tonight.

- ji

(1 / 14 / 2024)

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puffyam1yum1 · 3 years

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GIRLS NEED LOVING TOO

Summary: you can never tell him what you need

Pairings: soft! Fuckboi! Chris (sorta) x black reader

Warnings: angst? Cussing and that’s pretty much it. It’s mild so yeah

A/N: ok so it was supposed to be smut but I don’t know wtf happened but who knows I’m might turn it into a series and thank you @afriendlyblackhottie for your help hun🤍 NOT PROOF READ AND PROBABLY SHITTY WRITING SORRY🥺🤍 please revolve with feedback. I neeeeed feedback to see if I’m improving

Saturday night’s at cascade are always the move with you and your girls. So this Saturday is no different; just you, your girls, a few blunts, and shots all around. That and the fact that Chris is right across from your booth staring you down like you were his last meal.

What you and Chris have is very complicated simple but very complicated. You need someone to scratch that aching itch you have every now and then; and Chris is more then happy to be your fix. He knows he’s not good for you but he doesn’t care, he needs you as much as you need him even if it’s just for a night.

“Don’t look now but I think Chris is staring a hole through your head y/n” your best friend niecey whispers as she leans into your side to keep everyone from hearing.

“I know” you reply making direct eye contact with the man in question

You both are having a silent conversation between one another; when he tilts his head towards the concession stand. You knew he wanted to talk, so you think of a quick excuse to be excused from the table without questioning.

“I’m gonna go grab a slushie” you say sliding out of the booth. Before anyone can protest your already walking towards that direction, anticipating the discussion that’s about to happen.

You stop at the Register to order a slushie while you wait.

“Can I have a blue raspberry slushie please, make it a large please” you ask the cashier

“Ok your total is 4.15$ ma’am” he reply’s

“I got it” a voice says over your head, followed by a hand with cash in it. You turn to face him taking a second to drink in his presence.

His attire isn’t helping the urge you feel to jump into his arm. His wearing a white compression shirt with grey joggers and a pair of all white forces.

“ I could’ve paid myself” you mumble staring at his chest snapping yourself out of the trance he’s put you in

“ why the fuck haven’t you been answering my calls dream? “ he growls reaching past you to take the slushie from the cashiers hands he shoots him a quick thanks.

Walking towards the the exit door, he turns to make sure you’re following him and like a deer in headlights your just standing there shocked by the anger he has radiating off of him.

“ let’s go dream “ from the time he uses you can tell it’s not a suggestion but you’re still too scared to move.

“If I have to say it again it’s gonna get real embarrassing for your little ass, now let’s fucking go” he turns heading out the door and you know you’re the reason to blame for him acting like a dick head.

I mean it isn’t your fault that you were afraid of letting people see 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 side of you that Chris brought out. So like any normal person you ghosted him within reason. Shooting a quick glance at your friends you see they’ve barely realized you were gone, deciding to send them a quick text later that you left you start walking towards the exit.

“Took you fucking long enough” he frowns leaning on the passenger door to his Toyota c-hr

“Chris look I-“ he cuts you off mid sentence

“ why is it so hard for you huh? Why is it so hard to admit you want this, you need this you need me to give it to you” the tone in his voice let’s you know that you’ve wounded him somehow ;whether it’s his ego or actual feelings you have no clue.

“ Chris it’s not that simple, I’m not that person you want me to be twenty-four-seven. I’m not ready to be that girl Christopher! ...” you’re out of breathe by the time you’re finish; tears threatening to spill from your eyes at any given moment

“Get in the car dream” he says calmly but you don’t budge not wanting to move because you know that if you do, you’ll give in again.

“ GET IN THE GOD DAMN CAR Y/N !” you jump, legs already treading towards his car. He’s never yelled at you before and quite frankly you don’t want him to ever do it again.

He side steps to let you into the car before slamming the door. You sit and wait quietly like a child that’s afraid of making a sound in fear of getting scolded.

“Chris it really isn’t this serious there’s plenty of other women for you to be with” pleading has never really been your thing when it came to negotiating but it’s all you can do for now

“I- i just dont undertsand what i’m doing wrong... am- am I not enough for you. you crave ecstasy that bad huh ? you need it that bad to where you pry it from other people without taking a second to actually acknowledge that their there in the moment with you.” to hear Chris describe you as some unrighteous succubs that feasts’ on innocent men is a blow not only to your pride but it causes a deep ache in your chest that you can’t fully describe.

Chris is the only man [ in your recent years of finding yourself ] that can see past all of this “mellow dramatic- emotionally unavailable angst” bullshit that you got going on. And It hurts because deep down you know you need him, he gives more than just pure ecstasy he makes you whole;

he makes you feel seen, heard, embraced, he make you feel loved. ‘makes you think that you desrve every good thing he gives and does for you. you know that it’s more than “just sex” it’s honest god given bliss with all the angst you can handle. this man worships the very ground you walk on

“i’m sorry” are the only words that you could mutter pitifully. you feel like a kicked puppy that reeks of desperation and sadness. He doesn’t deserve the pain that you drown upon him but he doesn’t get to act like you’re his. This fragile possession that has been broken so many times and finally put back together for the last time.

“I know dream” he sighs the scent of sorrow oozes off of him and waves of a tsunami and you know you’re at fault for it

“Can you please just make love to me and I-I promise this time I’ll hand it over... all of it. The- the emotions I keep held hostage drone the world from self-loathing t-to the sadness, to the fluttering feeling that I get in my stomach when you look at me like I’m your entire everything. Chris I’m done running; I WANT YOU AND I WANT THI-“ you’re not even Abel to finish your sentence before he’s smashing his lips against yours with passion

“ that all I want, god that’s all I want from you. I want you to feel the same way I feel when I see you, I kept help but love you.. all of you from those incredibly luscious thighs to this beautiful soft brown chocolate skin, to that amazingly round ass and this gorgeous pillow of pudge” he sighs resting his forehead against yours secretly out of breathe

“Dream I fucking love you- no scratch that I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU and I’m going to prove it as soon as we get home. I’m going to make love to you and you’re gonna take it; you’re gonna take it all from me and you’re not gonna apologize because you deserve every once of love that I have for you pouring out of my soul”

#chris evans #chris evans angst #chris evans x thick reader #chris evans x black ofc #chris evans fluff #chris evans x black reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #angst #fluff #chris evans one shot #chris evans x black!reader

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i-am-a-confoosed · 3 years

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You know what F*** this I am going to write a script on my own ...

Part 1

For first part after Jack becomes god :

(Cutting screen time on god punching them and some useless stuffs...)

Characters we have : Sam, Dean and Jack.

After Jack becomes god and gives his big speech and gets everyone back slowly,

Dean : " Jack can you do something for me"

Jack (smiles) looks at him and nods : "yes"

Suddenly Jack, Sam, Dean and Impala (outside) are transported to an abandoned barn.

Sam and Dean *confused* : whaaa---

Jack : "You know I can kind off read minds now I know what you want"

Flicks his fingers and a rift appears.

Suddenly Sam phone rings, its Eileen in video call.

Eileen (confused) : "Hiii Sam so I dont know whats happening but I feel a little confused werent we messaging before ?"

Sam (happy) : "Eileeen hiii listen just go back to the bunker I will explain everything to you there"

Eileen : OkAyy

Call gets cut.

Sam : "Jack what is this all about" *gestures to rift*

Jack looks at Dean,

Jack : "You know I can bring Cas back now if you want"

Dean (stares at the rift) : " yeah but I guess I have a little my own raising from predition and saving to do"

Sams (chuckles) : "Seriously, come lets go save Cas"

Dean : "No brother you go to yours while I save mine"

Sam nods smirking and turns to Jack,

Sam : "you should know Jack that we are very proud of you and you can come to us at anytime" *hugs Jack*

Dean : "Yeah" *hugs him* "I know you will do great kid" *steps back* "there are few more in there *gestures to rift* to save if you can do help them out, hell there is even a monster maybe" *sad chuckle*

Jack (nods) : "I know while consuming god I consumed his knowledge also along and I think I know which ones you talking about" *smiles*

Then Jack touches Dean forhead to place a warding on him and falls a little.

Sam and Dean : "JACK"

Jack : "I am finee dont worry, Dean I placed a warding for you against others. Only Castiel and empty can see you in there but dont worry empty cant harm you"

Dean nods as Sam and Jack hold hands together and are out of the scene.

(If we could get Eileen here then:

Sam and Eileen meets outside the bunker and hugs and kiss each other. Eileen thanks Jack and as Sam and Eileen are happily going in bunker, Jack leaves the scene.)

In barn,

Dean enters the rift and everything around him is dark. He frantically starts calling out Cas name when suddenly empty cas comes behind him.

Empty cas : "This day just keeps getting worser and worser, GET OUT"

Dean : "Not without Castiel now where is he ?"

Empty Cas (anger) : "Castiel-Castiel-Castiel that angel RUINED MY SLEEP AND LIFE. I went through every corner of his brain and you know what he doesnt like you much so I am doing us both a favor when I say LEAVE he is not worth saving for anything."

Dean (almost in tears) : "Cas listen if you can hear or see me please come out, I need you"

Empty Cas : "Thats enough"

Proceeds to lunge at Dean when someone from behind pushes him down.

Dean : "Cas come lets go home please"

Castiel nods at him and gets up together hand in hand they run when suddenly empty now in the shape of empty comes in front of them.

Empty : "you are not leaving"

Dean pushes Cas behinds him and faces empty.

Dean : "Stay away from him, this is empty no place for souls right so that means you cant kill me I am an extra so if you want to get rid of me then if you have to get rid of him too"

Empty gives a evil smile : "you are right but guess what I dont care anymore"

As empty starts moving towards them, Dean takes Cas and lunges towards rift and pushes Cas outside. Dean faces empty.

Dean : "yeah thats what I thought"

And goes outside and the rifts closes.

End of episode

Next episode (finale)

Characters we have: Dean, Sam, Bobby, Cas (I dont think so Misha would have minded to come in last episode)

Maybe character: Eileen and Jack.

Pick up scene in barn.

Cas (worried voice) : "Dean where is Jack and Sam. What happened, how did you ?"

Dean : "Well yeah I explain you later but first I think I will leave a mark"

Cas is confused as Dean touches their lips together. Now as there forehead touches together, Cas smiles to himself a little.

Dean : "I am so sorry Cas it took me so long to see I love you too heck have been for a long time. I am sorry for how I treated you and I will make it up to you Cas I will, everyday little by little I will. Bobby he taught me better."

Cas : "Its okay Dean I undertsand"

Dean : "No that is no excuse, you are my goodluck Cas and also how many times I asked you not to stupid stuffs"

Cas (grinning) : "It worked didnt it"

Dean : "yeah yeah lets go home I will fill up everything for you in car"

Together they are shown entering the car and scene ends.

(If we can have Eileen and Jack here) :

In bunker we see Sam, Eileen, Cas, Dean and Jack have a movie night with drinks and snacks.

Screen turns black and words come after 1 year :

We see Sam carrying a baby girl in the trolley and having a video call with Eileen while picking out the grocery.

Sam : "How are the preparations going ?"

Eileen : "Its going good. I am so excited we both will be going to law colleges soon"

Dean appears from behind with a basket in his hand and comes to screen and say.

Dean : "Proud of you kids here and uhhh *picks up child* and espicially of this little Garthie. (Put any name you guys want). Look at my baby brother taking care of this little cutiee"

Eileen laughs : "Now that we both will be little busy looks like she will be spending a lot of time with her uncles"

Dean (cooing) : "yeah she will"

Sam (rolls eyes) : "Yeah! Anyways meet you at home. Love you. Bye."

Eileen : "Love you too. Bye"

Scene cuts to outside the grocery store near two cars where one is impala.

Dean puts the baby in the (non impala) car while Sam is loading the trunk when suddenly Cas appears.

Cas : "Hello check this out I found some really good looking flowers today in heaven I thought I will give one to you *gives one to Dean* and hii Sam here you also keep *gives two to Sam* share with Eileen" *winks*

Sam : "thanks Cas they are really pretty"

Dean : "this is beautiful thanks sunshine"

Cas : "Also today I got a bit free of those rules and negotiations with hell, heaven, everyone and now Jack is resting *looks at dean* whose by the way the powers are draining out the more he is using pretty soon he will be left with his soul"

Dean : "Well then he can always come and live with us"

Sam agrees : "Anytime"

Cas (nods) : Anyways I finally got time to go and visit Bobby today and see how he is doing. I told him about you both and he says and i quote 'he is proud of his boys' "

Sam and Dean smiles.

Sam (whispers) : "Bobby is proud of us Dean"

Dean (hears it with a stassified face of finally making his 'dad' proud) : " yeah, Cas can you carry him a message from us and tell him that we love him and thankyou for everything"

Sam : "yep and that he always will be home to us"

Cas nods and Sam continues keeping his bags.

Dean faces Cas : "see you at home later" kisses him on cheeks. Cas leaves.

Sam : "hmm so no chickflick moments right"

Dean : "shut up"

Sam (rolls eyes) : "Where you will be going now ?"

Dean : "I think to the shop I have some work there"

Sam nods and hugs Dean and gets in the car while Dean gets in impala. We can see 1 year sobriety chip in the back seat.

Next scene we see both the cars start and ride as the soft music version of wayward sons song starts.

As both car reaches the traffic light they take different turns and camera keeps going up and up. Next scene.

With the song still playing we see Bobbys kitchen and there seem to be something baking in the oven.

Bobby is sitting in chair with a bottle of beer and having conversation with castiel. As Bobby smiles and nods his head, he gets up throws the bottle in trash *as the sound of music fades in background* he then turns to Cas and says,

Bobby : "I think its time I go and enjoy with my wife huh"

Cas nods.

Bobby : "Rufus is going to have a field day with this one" (chuckles happily to himself)

Castiel confusingly looks at him. Some things never changes. Bobby goes hugs Cas. As Bobby leaves the kitchen and Cas flutters out the soft song comes back on.

We get the final shot of Bobby's kitchen now empty from upward angle. The first home ever know to the boys.

As the screen becomes black we get the final lines of song "Dont you cry no more".

The end

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taegis-gf · 4 years

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Forbidden - Part 3

Dealer!yoongi x Reader

Warnings ➜ smut, oral (f receiving), non-protected sex, some light choking, some angst and a little fluffy, yoongi got beat up a little :(

Summary ➜ You never meant to lock eyes with the beautiful stranger at Namjoon’s house party, you also didn’t mean to completely fall for him, knowing exactly how dangerous it was.

Word Count ➜ 6.5K

NB: if drug-taking in fics isn’t for you/or makes you uncomfortable, also reader is literally getting with a drug dealer, so if any of this isn't for you - please don’t read!

Notes ➜ hey. guys hehe i hope u enjoy this im in a little bit of a rut with it as i dont even really know where im taking it yet, thank u for being patient with me and lmk what u think ! also sorry for any spelling errors!!

PART1 | PART2 | PART3

The next few days passed without you hearing a word from Yoongi. You had refrained from texting him, always being too stubborn for your own good, plus he definitely didn’t deserve a text from you, However, from the way he had been ghosting you, you had assumed he probably didn’t even care or notice that you were mad at him.

You had gotten past the sad stage of it all and had now reached anger, what had you been thinking jumping into bed with someone you barely knew?

It hadn’t felt like that at the time though, you had thought you and Yoongi had a connection.

Why did it feel so right when he was with you, why did you two click so well?

And why the hell couldn’t you stop thinking about him?

He was making your life hard, consuming every thought, you had barely got your essay submitted in time and when you did you were pretty sure it didn’t even make any sense, just a spew of words on a document that you wanted out of your sight so you go back to wallowing in self-pity about some boy.

You admittedly had not left your dorm since Jungkook had spoken to you, that was 2 days ago and you really needed to get Yoongi out of your mind instead of lying in your bed and just thinking.

You were driving yourself crazy admittedly, and you knew you were being dramatic, it wasn’t like Yoongi even owed you anything, the two of you were only at the beginning of something that didn’t even have a label yet.

However, you just wanted something even if it was a ‘I never wanna see you again’, at least it would be some sort of closure.

The sound of your phone ringing instantly made you jump, the silence being so harshly interrupted it scared you half to death.

You closed your eyes for a moment before flipping your phone over only to feel major disappointment when you saw it wasn’t Yoongi’s name on your screen.

You answered anyway with a heavy heart.

“Hey Tae, what’s up?” You asked.

“What’s up?! You haven’t responded to me in 3 days, what’s up with you?” He asked, his tone sounded concerned and you could only smile sadly at the compassion your friend seemed to have for you.

“Nothing Tae I’ve just been distracted with work you know?”

You could hear him sighing softly before he spoke again.

“I’m calling to let you know we’re all going over to Joon’s, if you would read the damn groupchat I wouldn’t be calling you.”

You scoffed at the curt tone he used with you but you knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way.

“Joon’s? I’m not really in the mood for a party Tae-“

“It’s not a party,” Taehyung said, cutting you off. “It’ll just be the 7 of us babe. Please come, I miss you.”

“How many time have I told you to stop calling me that?” You asked rolling your eyes at the wall.

“Just say you’ll come? I can even come get you.” Taehyung offered.

You supposed it was better than wallowing in your bed another day.

“Yeah fine okay, I’ll come.” You said.

“Good I’m glad, I’ll come get you in about an hour, get dressed I’ll ring you when I’m outside.”

With a quick 'goodbye' Taehyung hung up and you decided to get up and make yourself look human.

You opted for no makeup and just some simple sweats, you knew you and the guys would probably just be watching a movie so you didn’t see the point in dressing up any more than that, although you couldn’t count how many times a simple hangout had been a ruse to get you to a party.

Taehyung called you again to inform you he was waiting outside, so you quickly grabbed your phone and coat and left your dorm as quick as you could.

When you finally reached outside you saw Taehyung’s car and made a beeline, opening the door and jumping in you plastered a smile on your face hoping it would take away from the prying questions you assumed Taehyung had lined up.

“Hey Tae, thanks for coming to get me, a cab to Joon’s is so fucking expensive and I know I’m super out of the way, so I appreciate it.”

Taehyung scoffed. “Please, you know I would come to get you even if you were 500 miles out of the way, what are friends for?” He stated as he started up the engine.

The drive was silent for the most part, you were surprised as you had expected Taehyung to go into full-blown interrogation mode on why you’d been ignoring everyone, but he didn’t, maybe he was waiting on you coming to him, if that was the case he’d be waiting a long ass time.

As he pulled up and you both went inside your heart warmed at the sight of your friends all talking and laughing with each other, you hadn’t seen them like this in a while and it almost made you tear up.

“Hey guys.” You said as you kicked off your shoes and took a spot on the sofa in between Jungkook and Taehyung as he had decided to follow you and sit wherever you were going.

“Hey Y/N, we all thought you were dead.” Hoseok said as stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth.

Everyone else murmured in agreement with a few sly comments about ignored messages and calls.

You closed your eyes and decided the best thing to do was to state you’d had a lot of work to catch up on and that becoming a recluse was the only way you would get it all finished.

You didn’t miss the way Jungkook side-eyed you but simply chose to not look his way for the sake of saving yourself the judgemental looks about your obvious lying to your best friends.

“Come onnnnnnn. Will someone put on a good horror movie already, and Joon please throw me a beer.” Taehyung called.

Everyone got settled as a movie was picked and the lights were switched off.

That was when your phone decided to vibrate in your pocket.

You slipped it halfway out just trying to glance at the notification and your heart jumped when you saw the name on the screen.

Notification: Yoongi: iMessage(s) 1

You muttered some excuse about needing to pee, and jumped off the sofa to run upstairs, needing to compose yourself before you unlocked your phone.

8:37PM

Yoongi: hey i cant even begin to explain how sorry I am…i understand 100% if you don’t want to speak to me again

You watched as you saw the typing dots disappear and reappear as you stared at your phone. Then another message came through.

Yoongi: i really wanted to call you but i was afraid you’d be too mad and wouldn’t pick up so please if theres even a chance you’ll speak to me again - call me. If u don’t i undertsand and i wont bother you anymore.. i feel so stupid Y/N you don’t deserve this

Your heart was beating at about a million miles per hour as you reread his messages over and over. You had absolutely no idea how to approach this.

You decided now was not the best time to call him, you were just going to have to wait it out and call him when you got back to your dorm.

You decided you’d leave him on read for now, he’d left you waiting for nearly 3 days, he could wait 3 hours for your reply.

As you walked back into the room with your friends you sat beside Taehyung and he let you cuddle up next to him, he began gently playing with your hair as you tried your best to lie down, Jungkook patted his lap as an indication you could spread your legs out and rest them on his own and you smiled as he put an arm over them.

You felt incredibly loved by your friends in that moment, tears threatening to spill as the simple comforts they were providing so naturally to you, meant so much in that moment.

You felt a little guilty at your unwillingness to tell them how upset you were, you trusted them with so much and they trusted you just as equally. But things were confusing for you at the moment and you wouldn’t even know where to start.

You looked up to see Jungkook looking at you with concern, he obviously knew a lot more than the rest of them but he didn’t know just how much Yoongi was affecting you at that particular moment.

You smiled reassuringly at him and he gave your thigh a small squeeze before you both turned back to the movie.

You hadn’t realised just how tired you were until Taehyung was gently shaking you awake, alerting you that the movie was over and even though no one was leaving or anything he offered to bring you home.

You shook your head at his offer telling him you would just get a taxi home and that he should stay and enjoy the rest of the night, he had smiled at you softly asking about 5 times if you were sure and you had laughed excusing yourself to the bathroom before he could argue with you anymore.

You found yourself in the same position, just leaning against the door staring at the messages Yoongi had sent a few hours ago, you felt groggy from the sleep and in your haze you decided that calling him and getting this over with would be the best thing to do, you weren’t thinking clearly, but then again, you never were when it came to him.

As you listened to the ringing tone you began to feel your anxiety building, you weren’t even sure what you were going to say to him or even sure how you felt towards him, yeah sure you were upset but did you even have any right to be mad at him?

It wasn’t like Yoongi was your boyfriend or anything, he didn’t owe you anything.

He picked up on the third ring an anxious and quick “Hello?” sounded from his end, like he was afraid he was going to miss the call.

“Hey…” You said, unsure of where to go with it.

“Jesus Y/N I am sorry, you must think I’m such an asshole. I wa-”

“Do you like me Yoongi?” You cut him off.

“Wh-what?” Yoongi asked, he sounded unsure, like he was afraid he would say the wrong thing.

“Do you like me?” You asked again, slower.

“Yes of course Y/N, I like you a lot.”

“Okay, do you see me as someone you can just fuck and I’ll come running when you call? Because believe me Yoongi you really are talking to the wrong girl if that’s what you think this is.”

You weren’t sure where your bold attitude was coming from, you suppose you’d been holding in a lot of feelings the past few days regarding the situation, but for some reason, it was coming out as anger and with a hint of sass.

“Jesus – no, no Y/N that is so not what I’m thinking this is, you know that right? Fuck I didn’t mean to leave it so long to talk to you, but there was an emergency and I had to leave town to do something and I only got back tonight and I’m sorry, please know I'm sorry.” You could hear the pleading in his voice, the genuine asking for forgiveness.

Your knees felt weak and you weren’t sure why but all you wanted was to see him, to tell him it was all okay and you forgive him.

But a part of you wanted to stand your ground, you didn’t want to seem like a pushover who was going to roll over because he sounded like he was sorry, this was only a phone call, you couldn’t even look him in the eyes or anything.

“Can you pick me up and we can talk?” You asked, you wanted to see him, ask him what exactly was going on.

“Yes of course, you’re not at your dorm?” He asked the question harmlessly but you felt he was a little nervous.

“No actually I’m with the guys at Namjoon’s house, I can send you the address if you can’t remember..”

“I remember Y/N. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

And with that he hung up, eager to see him - but still feeling cautious - you left the bathroom to tell the guys you were going to wait outside for your taxi.

They all hugged you goodbye and you definitely noticed how Jungkook lingered for that extra few seconds.

He could sense something was wrong with you, but he knew to wait until you came to him with your problems.

As you stood at Namjoon’s garden gate a pair of headlights began approaching slowly and you knew it was him. He stopped outside and you ran to his car door, trying to avoid any of the guys from seeing that it wasn’t just an ordinary taxi you were going home in.

It smelt like a new car inside and you turned to face the driver, he looked over at you with an awkward smile and that’s when you saw the extremely dark black eye that covered his right eye. You covered your hand with your mouth trying not to audibly gasp.

“Yoongi! Oh my god are you okay?” You reached out, wanting to touch his face but realised that wasn’t the best idea before dropping your hand again.

Your anger at him now replaced with worry, you scanned his face further to see his slightly busted lip as well.

“Y/N, I promise you it’s not as bad as it looks. Can we talk about this when we get to my place?” He asked, placing a hand on your thigh he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Your place?” You asked, confused.

“Yeah…only if you want, it’s just that it’s closer to here and I thought you wanted to talk.”

You were nodding, your stomach trying to suppress the nerves that were bubbling up at the idea of going to his place this first time as you also tried to process everything that was already happening.

“Okay, yeah let’s do that.” You said.

Neither of you spoke again the entire ride.

When Yoongi finally pulled up into the carpark of a luxury apartment complex you stared in disbelief. This was where he lived?

He makes a lot of money doing what he does you quickly reminded yourself, suddenly embarrassed at size and quality of your dorm room.

You followed him inside and stopped at the entrance completely in shock at the sheer size and beauty of his apartment.

You shook yourself, you were here for one thing.

“Take a seat please, Y/N.” He said motioning at the large plush sofa.

You took a seat but watched as Yoongi stood examining you.

“Aren’t you gonna sit?” You asked the atmosphere was tense, awkward, you couldn’t even sense Yoongi’s mood, he was just looking at you, expressionless.

You looked back at him, you were starting to feel frustrated.

“So what? We’re just going to sit here in silence, scratch that, you’ll stand, I’ll sit?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi replied.

“What?” You asked, your eyes shooting up to look at him, you knew he had to be in pain with his eye and you felt a twinge of guilt for being annoyed with him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t call or text, I know I left you in your room like that – after we had just…I’m sorry Y/N.” He sighed heavily, finally taking a seat beside you.

“Just tell me what happened, I’m an understanding person Yoongi, but I don’t think I can do this if you’re just going to keep disappearing on me…”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him now he was closer, you decided the floor was the best place to look at in that moment.

“It was an emergency…it’s stupid, rivalry is a very real thing in this business. I got into a fight with some guy when I went down there. One of my friends was seriously threatened by some people and we had to go down there and deal with it.” He explained, you didn’t want the specifics really and you were glad he wasn’t giving it to you.

“Yoongi…you’re like - I mean - do you really think you’re the best guy for that sort of thing?” You were half teasing him, but also very worried, this wasn’t something that happened a lot, was it?

Yoongi scoffed out a small laugh.

“I’m not usually the guy that handles situations Y/N, I just had to go down there to talk it out with some people.”

You shuddered, you hated this, hated that this was his life.

Yoongi gently placed a hand on your thigh and you allowed him to keep it there, finally looking back up at him.

“Jesus Y/N, I’m sorry for leaving you like that, I would never do anything like that to you on purpose…please forgive me?”

You knew he was sorry, you could feel that he was sorry.

You whispered out a soft ‘I forgive you’.

You knew it was weak of you but you seemed to be at your weakest when Yoongi was looking at you like you meant the world to him.

Yoongi let out a sigh of relief, a small smile on his face, but he winced in pain as the smile opened up the wound on his lip.

“Let me get you something for that.” You said, standing.

You could use the distraction more than anything as you asked him where the bathroom was and grabbed a damp cloth and some tissue.

You sat down turning your body to face him you lightly dabbed at the wound and cringed a litte in sympathy when he hissed in pain.

“Hold the tissue to it so it doesn’t bleed again.” you said as you folded it up and handed it to him.

“Do you have any ice? It’ll help your eye..” You asked as you went to get up again.

He simply nodded, and pointed to the freezer, allowing you to worry and take care of him.

You sat back down again with a small makeshift ice pack, and told him to lay down so you could place it over his eye, he protested a little but it didn’t take much to coerce him.

“I’m seriously not even in that bad of shape Y/N, you should see the other guy.” He said, laughing a little but then immediately stopping as the pain in his lip stung.

You rolled your eyes at him, knowing he was joking but it did make your stomach twist with nerves at the same time, what if this had been a lot more serious?

When you didn’t speak he reached over for the remote to turn the T.V on, you supposed he couldn’t handle the tense silence you were giving in return for his bad joke.

As he searched about Netflix he spoke again “I have to say, I do think you’d make a pretty sexy nurse.” He joked again and this time you cracked a smile, unable to stop yourself from scoffing out a laugh.

“Are you seriously flirting with me right now?” You asked, sitting back down on his couch you lifted his legs to allow them to rest on your lap, a simple gesture to show him you didn’t completely hate him.

He laughed a little, a genuine laugh and you found yourself laughing too.

“Put a movie on, keep the ice on your eye and shut up!” You said through laughter.

You did end up watching a movie, the night got more and more comfortable as Yoongi decided to order takeout and bring out blankets to the couch.

As you both cuddled up to each other your hand absent-mindedly playing with his as you watched the movie, it was an incredibly intimate thing to do but it felt so natural you could barely keep the smile off your face.

As the movie was coming to an end you began yawning announcing it was getting late and you should get back to your dorm, but as you made a move Yoongi’s brought his arm around your waist tightly a small ‘don’t go’ escaping from his lips.

You sighed, you wanted to stay over if you were being honest but was it really the best idea?

“I don’t know Yoongi….I don’t even have a change of clothes or anything.”

Yoongi pulled you him closer to him and you let yourself relax into his touch.

“I’ll lend you something to sleep in. Please Y/N. I’ve missed you.”

And with those 3 word’s he didn’t even need to say anymore.

You let out a sigh of content. “Yes Yoongi I’ll stay.”

He got up, asking you to follow him to his room.

You obliged, following after him to the nearest door. He opened it up and motioned for you to wait on his bed while he found you something comfortable.

You looked around at the unfamiliar room, the first thing you noticed was how clean it was, that was unusual for a guy his age it was simple, his sheets white and his room plain you looked around in awe.

You weren’t sure what you had been expecting if you were being honest, but as you were about to comment he was suddenly standing in front of you, a black tee and a pair of basketball shorts in hand.

You smiled up at him “Thank you Yoongi.”

“That door there is the bathroom.” he said pointing to an ensuite inside his own room.

You nodded going in and when you shut the door behind you you let out a long sigh.

You were really going to stay here tonight.

As you got changed you realised the t-shirt he had given you was long enough to ignore the shorts he had given you.

Folding your own clothes and leaving them on top of his wash basket you grabbed your phone for a quick glance before you returned to him.

A notification from Jungkook.

11:12PM

JK: I hope you’re okay you seemed a little off tonight, please remember you can talk to me about anything.

You smiled, feeling your heart swell at the loving message you typed a quick reply with a thank you and lots of heart emojis.

As you left the bathroom you saw Yoongi awkwardly standing like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

He looked up at you and you saw him eyeing your body, his eyes travelling up your bare legs, you felt the heat of his gaze taking you all in and you couldn’t help but revel in the feeling that you had that effect on him.

“I’ll – um – take the couch, you sleep here.” You could tell he was distracted over your lack of clothes but he cleared his throat and began to leave.

“Yoongi.” You called and stopped him in his tracks.

“Thank you for being such a gentleman.” You giggled.

You heard him scoff a laugh before walking out of the room, some sort of pyjamas in hand.

So here you were, left alone in Min Yoongi’s bedroom.

You werent exactly sure what you should be doing, should you just go to sleep?

As if it were that easy…

You felt giddy as you got under the covers, his bed was huge compared to your single in your dorm.

You tried to relax and calm a little remembering you were technically meant to be trying to sleep, you reached over to turn off the bedside lamp, shrouding yourself in darkness.

You decided to scroll through your phone for a while trying to think about other things and definitely not how badly you wanted to go out there and ask Yoongi to come back.

Your intentions weren’t even of a sexual nature, you simply just wanted him to lay with you, you wanted to fall asleep in his arms – something you hadn’t got the chance to do yet.

After about 20 minutes of tossing and turning and checking every social media platform you decided to take a deep breath and just go ask him, you were nervous that he wouldn’t even want to but then again he was letting you stay in his room after all.

You slowly tiptoed across the floor, afraid in case he was already sleeping you quietly opened the door.

You realised you couldn’t even tell with as you could only see the back of the couch and not his form, you decided to half shout half whisper, praying he was awake anyway.

“Yoongi!”

He head came into view as he sat up from the couch, looking wide awake and a little confused.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, a look of concern crossing his features.

“Yeah…” You realised just how shy and nervous you actually felt as you continued speaking.

“Will you come sleep beside me Yoongi please?”

You saw a small smile appear on his face, “Of course, I’m super glad you asked, I wanted to ask but I thought you would see it as creepy or something.”

You rolled your eyes smacking him on the shoulder as he got closer.

“Your whole dick has been inside me but you think cuddling is as the creepy thing to offer?!” You asked, eyes widening in shock a little.

Yoongi held his hands up in defence as he followed you to the bed both of you climbing in on either sides.

“I don’t know…” He trailed off looking at you as you now lay beside one another.

“I guess I thought you were still mad at me.”

You sighed a little and looked at him scanning his face and frowned a little at the black eye that adorned his beautiful features.

“I hate that someone hurt you Yoongi.” You said, you hadn’t really meant to say it aloud.

Both your faces were close looking at each other in comfortable silence, a small pout forming on his lips at your statement he leaned in and gave you the smallest of pecks, it was so sweet and tender you felt like you heart was going to beat out of your chest as heat formed across your cheeks.

“Let’s go to sleep Y/N.”

You nodded, leaning in a little closer to him and shutting your eyes after whispering a soft ‘goodnight’.

You woke up feeling too hot, far too hot. As you took in your surroundings and remembered where you were you smiled at the reason for your warmth, realising Yoongi had pulled you in and draped his arm over your waist in the middle of the night. You felt comfortable in his arms, having one of the best sleeps you’ve had in a long time, your worries felt at ease for once and you just simply felt in the moment with him.

You slowly shifted until you were turned to face him, he pouted a little in his sleep at the disruption and you couldn’t help but smile harder, placing a soft kiss on his pout you watched as his eyes fluttered open slowly, confusion on his face as he tried to take in what sensation had just woken him up.

He smiled when he saw you looking at him, stretching his limbs and letting out a long yawn.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked.

“Mmmm yes I did, I really like waking up next to you…” He said, his handing tracing absent-minded patterns on your arm.

“Me too…” You trailed off feeling a little sad that this wasn’t going to be a permanent thing.

“Your eye looks a little better, I think it’s starting to heal.” You said reaching out to touch his face gently.

“Hm you don’t think it’s sexy? Like in a 'wow I’m a big sexy bad boy' way?.”

You couldn’t roll your eyes hard enough turning away from him only to have him whine and pull you back to face him.

“Yeah that whine sounds so bad boy.” You said giggling as he pulled you closer and began kissing your neck.

“Hmmmm, you smell amazing.” He said nuzzling further into your neck with a groan.

You felt yourself begin to grow a little hot at the noise, his lips leaving a hot trail down to your collarbone.

You let out a pleased noise.

“Hmm you like that baby?” He asked beginning to move his body so he was hovering over yours, his mouth kissing lower.

You let out a noise of approval feeling too hot and worked up to speak.

His hands found your hips and he slowly pushed up the t-shirt you were wearing his hands gliding along your warm skin.

As he pushed it up further you helped him, pulling it off you completely leaving you in only your underwear.

Yoongi let out a groan at the picture of your almost naked body in front of him resting his forehead on your stomach trying to compose himself for a moment as the mere sight of you was making him go a little crazy.

You let out a whine “Yoongi do something. Please.”

He looked back up at you a smirk on his face, “Now who’s whining babe?”

You let out a scoff quickly followed by a sharp gasp as his mouth latched onto your nipple.

His tongue teasing and sucking you could feel the wetness pooling at your core.

You wanted to squeal a little, the frustration of how teasingly slow he was going was making you feel crazy.

As he took his time, making sure to kiss every inch of your body by the time he got close to where you needed him most you were a writhing mess.

“Yoongi please.” You gasped out when he kissed the inside of your thigh, merely a few centimetres away from you soaked panties.

“Tell me what you want baby. I’ll give it to you.” He said planting another soft kiss even closer this time.

You suddenly felt a little embarrassed, you don't think you’d ever begged to get your pussy ate before.

“I want…your tongue on me, fuck please.” You breathed out, hardly able to think straight.

Yoongi put his hands to the hem of your panties silently asking you to raise your hips and you did allowing him to pull them off.

You let out a yelp when Yoongi pushed your thighs further apart so he had a full view of your leaking core.

You let out a low whine of embarrassment trying to close your thighs a little but Yoongi had a strong grip.

“Sorry I’m staring, your pussy is beautiful though…”

You immediately brought your hand up to your face not believing the words coming out of his mouth.

“Yoongi shut up!” You said from behind your hands.

Yoongi laughed a little bringing his head down, you nearly moaned at the feeling of his breath on your core.

“Please.” Was all you whispered out, so beyond desperate for some sort of relief you were clenching around nothing.

Yoongi’s tongue slowly licked up until he started slowly licking at your clit, giving it all his attention.

You moaned, absolutely in bliss at the feeling, but you needed something more.

“Yoongi your fingers please…”

His cock twitched at that, hardening further at your words, did you know what you were doing to him?

He happily obliged, slowly slipping a finger inside you, pumping in and out before adding a second, stretching you out further.

As he kept up his assault on your clit, you didn’t think you’d ever felt an orgasm approach you this fast before, the familiar pressure building in record time.

“Yoongi oh my god – I think – I think I’m gonna come, please don’t stop, please.”

As he listened, knowing you were close he picked up the pace, pumping his fingers faster and sucking on your clit a little bit harsher.

“Fuck!” You half yelled along with a moan, turning your head to the side and closing your eyes as you let your orgasm wash over you, your whole body felt heavy as you came down, the whole time Yoongi’s tongue never left you slowly working you through it.

“Yoongi.” You said, breathing heavily. “Get back up here.”

You turned back as he slowly moved back up so his face was facing yours again a smile on his face.

You placed your hands on either side of his face, feeling like your heart could burst at the sight of the man in front of you, pulling his face to yours so you could kiss him rather than say something stupid.

Yoongi groaned a little as his hard-on brushed against you, he must’ve been in need of some serious relief.

You felt an immediate pulse of fresh pleasure at the thought of him getting hard at the action of eating you out.

“Yoongi…want…you to fuck me.” You said between short kisses.

Yoongi smirked at you.

“Really?” He asked feigning innocence and you honestly could’ve rolled your eyes at his teasing if you weren’t so turned on.

“Yes baby please, want you to fuck me so hard Yoongi and I know your big dick will fill me right up.” You said trying to sound as seductive as possible, you could play this game if he wanted too.

Yoongi just stared for a second as his brain buffered not believing the filth coming from you.

“Fuck.” Was all he said as he began kissing your neck again and this time you felt him fishing his cock out of his underwear.

Lining up at your entrance, he stopped just short of pushing in.

“Tell me how bad you want it baby and I’ll give it to you.”

Fuck he was going to be the death of you.

“Yoongi please, I need you so bad, need you to fill me up…”

And with that, he plunged into you bottoming out immediately.

You gasped at the pressure, your head falling back and your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head.

“Jesus fuck!” You yelled as he continued thrusting at such a relentless pace he had to grab you by the hips to stop your body from moving farther up the bed.

“Tell me what you want baby… harder, faster?” He asked, his breathing laboured as he tried to keep his pace up.

“Fuck yes oh my god I’ll come so fast like this.” You said your voice practically vibrating with how hard he was fucking you.

“Yeah?” He said his hand moving further up your body he stopped just short of your throat eyeing you up.

You had a feeling he was little too nervous to ask what he wanted but you knew just what was on his mind and you loved the idea.

“Yoongi choke me.” You gasped out.

“Please choke me a little, please? It’ll feel so good.”

Yoongi’s hip stuttered a little at your words his eyes widening in shock, he nearly came right there breathing deep, trying to compose himself.

“Yeah? Are you sure?” He asked.

You nodded like a crazy woman. “Yes.” You breathed out, not finding any more energy to speak, you could feel your orgasm coming.

His hand slowly snaked up your body until it was resting at your neck he slowly wrapped his fingers around it, applying light pressure.

“Baby... you need to tell me if it’s too much okay?”

You nodded at him again.

His fingers squeezed a little harder as he began fucking in you again as lightning speed.

You closed your eyes letting him choke and fuck you however he wanted, you were in a state of bliss as the familiar knot in your stomach was so close to snapping.

He didn’t choke you too hard always alternating between some pressured squeezes and releasing again.

“Feels so good.” You said when he eased up his pressure for a while.

“You wouldn’t believe how fucking hot you look like this baby…all spread out for me you’re so dirty baby, tell me... do the guys know what a little slut you are?”

Fuck.

You shook your head no.

“God if they could see you like this I think they would never recover.”

You weren’t sure where it came from but for a moment you pictured your 6 best friends watching you, and it sent you right over the edge.

“Yoongi I’m coming fuck, I’m coming!” You said as one of the best orgasms you’ve ever had tore its way through you.

Your core spasmed uncontrollably as you moaned, bringing Yoongi over the edge with you.

“Jesus christ.” He breathed out as he gathered up some strength to pull out of you and roll over to your side.

You laughed out loud as you turned to face him, unable to think straight you said the first thing that came to mind.

“That black eye still makes you look like a dumbass.”

It was Yoongi’s turn to laugh as you both tried to get your breathing under control.

“Come on, let’s get in the shower.”

You and Yoongi spent the rest of the day lazing around in his bed kissing and laughing, you had even given him a quick blowjob when you’d both gotten a little too handsy once again.

You didn’t think you could feel this way with someone but the absolute ease and comfort you felt being with him was indescribable.

As you both lay in his bed watching Netflix – although there wasn’t much watching – you heard the front door knock.

“Babe it must be the pizza, go open the door while I grab cash so he doesn’t leave.”

“I'm indecent!” You whined only wearing one of Yoongi’s shirts.

“Go give him a show!” He said winking at you as he went in search of his wallet.

You rolled you eyes getting up anyway not risking the delivery person getting fed up and actually leaving.

As you got to the door you made sure the t-shirt was pulled as far down as it would go.

You opened the door and swung it open “Hi can you wait –“

You froze.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes widened in shock.

You were standing face to face with none other than Jin.

#yoongi x reader #bts smut #yoongi smut #bts fanfic #yoongi fanfic #mine

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yuuri-katsukis-trophy-husband · 6 years

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hello yes it is i victor niliforv i am veryh drunk and the vodka is gonne we drank it all and i habe some stuff to say so sit down and listen up!!! i am so happy now like you dont even undertsand how great my life is now that my Yuuri is in it!!! hes just so nice and he make s me happy and i love him so much!!! he gbave me my inspiration back and im so lucjky to have someone like him in my life. Nio!! Not someone like hism! Just him! Im luck to have him speficically!!! There’s no one like my Yuuri!!! he’s alsol very good at cuddling and i like to hold him a lot. hes so soft im going to be d now to cuddle my yuuri i love him so much. Gooodnight.

#victor nikiforov #posts from victor #victuuri #viktuuri #viktor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki #yuuri katsuki's trophy husband #Yuri on ice #Yuri!!! on Ice #yoi

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

Monday June 28

Morning update:

Oh my god.

I was packing my stuff for the big move after my parents divorce and I found an old prayer thingy.

It said:

"Dear Jesus,

Thank you for the music and the trees and my friends and family, and for the time to really look around the world with colorful skies that are so beautiful, the whole world is beautful and in balance and natural and that is how I'm gonna be. I dont want this to be a temporary, spur of the moment thing. I understand now. I realize that it's not the world that's ugly, but the sin that plagues it. I understand what He wants now. I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry, Jesus. I know I'll go to hell no matter what I do but I might as well try to live a holy life.

I understand.

But then, why all these STRONG feeling? Please, you gotta help me through that.

He made us to serve him. I understand that. Give me the strength to serve you, please. I'm so weak.

Sincerely,

Jude"

I felt so angry cos of it. Once I saw all that shit about "serving Him" I immediately ripped it up in RAGE, just blind rage.

I was just a fuCKING CHILD. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME???

8:50 p.m. update: HOLY SHIT OUCH ON MY WAY HOME I HIT A SIGNPOST COS I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION AND IT RAMMED THE HANDLEBAR OF MY BIKE RIGHT INTO MY DICK JESUS CHRIST IT HURTS GODDAMN

12:38 a.m. update:

Okay so you maybe noticed that today's entries arent really organized and that's cos I've been BUSYyyy

I'm gonna add Litten the pokemon to my kinlist also Piplup

Anyways today I went out with my friends. My dad was mad at me cos my room was all messy cos I'M PACKING MY STUFF TO MOVE?? idk what he expected my room to look like. So anwyays I left the house, me and Erin and Elle, who I'll now be calling Eden because its weird to keep using Elle for reaosns I wont describe...me and Erin and Elle went to the library and I checked out some mangas. I checked out volumes 1-2 of , , and volume 1 of

Then we went to Safeway cos it was too hot to be outside and it was another place with free A/C that was nearby. I stole some Stevia and probably other stuff that I can't recall right now.

We ate sugar cookies (those nice crumbly processed ones with icing on top) at the park, then I went home for supper.

After that i met them at the park and we biked to this Ravine area with like trees and water and a bridge and shit and we were looking for Hagstones which are rocks in the water that get holes worn into them. It's for protection from Jordan's hexes.

We found loads of nasty bugs... but no hagstones. Also the thornbushes scratched up my legs, the bugs bit me up, and the water was sorta nasty and I went on hands and knees in it looking for those rocks XD.

I had fun but it was quite uncomfortable with all the HEAT and bugs.

I got home then and idk not much happened.

I've been eating fruit instead of my usual snack foods and i think its helpful.

1:06 a.m. update:

... I feel like I'm going to cry.

I saw a post about families and now I'm upset because I... I see this shit and I feel like I'm 10 or younger even... all over again. It all comes back to me. The reason I cry at night so often... the reaosn I cant tell reality from shit my brain made up. The reaosn i need therapy and the reason i feel so TORTURED AND IN PAIN...

All I ever needed as a child was love and support and I didnt fucking get that so now any posts about happy families make me feel sad. Especially if they have a kid who is "difficult" in some way... like how I was... who still gets treated well.

Fuck man. I wasnt difficult, I had emotions. I wasnt difficult, I needed extra help. I wasnt difficult, I was trans.

I WASNT DIFFICULT... I DIDNT DESERVE TO BE ABANDONED THE WAY I WAS. holy shit. I was just a child like any other. Literally all I needed was love and support.

Fuck my parents. Now I feel like I've missed out on like... a whole childhood... as myself. Instead I spent it being who you wanted me to be to avoid your wrath.

I'm so sad.

And its cos you saw a fucking child telling you he was in pain and punished him.

I was so young.

Jay keeps misgendering me... he just referred to me as my father's daughter. OH MY GOD... I GET IT! I UNDERSTAND! I GET IT. I DON'T PASS. I GET IT, I LOOK LIKE A GIRL... I GET IT, YOU'VE SEEN ME NAKED. I UNDERSTAND.... I understand that your mind doesn't see me as male... but please. PleAse make some fucking effort. please. cos it actually hurts me to be misgendered cis people could never understand. Fuck man, cis people could never undertsand the shit we go through and I feel upset now because no matter how well intentioned he is... he just doesnt seem to Get It.... or like..I DONT KNOW! IS HE EVEN TRYING?

Like. No matter what I look like, I'm still a guy. I'm no ones daughter.

Sorry. I know I'm being rude about this and I should have more patience.

I'm just sort of upset. Why can't he see me?

Fuck man, NOBODY can see me. I'll never be seen. Cos this isn't fucking me but it never will be.

I hate this. So much. I want to RIP OFF ALL MY FLESH. WHY HAVE I GOTTA BE BORN THIS WAY HOLY FUCK HOLY SHIT WHY CAN'T I JUST BE FUCKING NORMAL GODDAMN IT I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS FUCK GOD I HATE GOD FUCK GOD ILL KILL GOD IF I EVER FLOAT UP TO HEAVEN IM GOING TO LITERSLLY FUCKING KILL GOD ILL CLAW MY WAY UP FROM HELL TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER FOR DOING THIS TO ME

LIKE HOLY SHIT MY CHEST??? HAS JUST GOT THIS STUFF ON IT AND ITS MAKINF ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE I WANT TO PERFORM SURGERY ON MY OWN SELF.

3:30 a.m. update:

Oh btw one of my friends says their friend had a crush on me in junior high 👀

Idk man its fukcing 3 30 I'm just on my phone. Soon l get off, piss and sleep.

Total calorie intake today was 979 cals.

Goodnight

#JudeJournals

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bangtan-spells · 6 years

Text

Hoseok Scenario: Hearts Coming Home.

Request: Hey girls! for the christmas thingy, what about reader and Hobi meeting by accident at the airport? They were supposed to travel to visit their families, but bc of the weather or something like that the plane couldn't leave. So they decide to stick together :3 Btw, how have you been? I've noticed you've been inactive lately, so I hope you can solve whatever it's going on. Just keep being strong! love you girls, fighting!! <3

Genre: Fluff.

You rushed to the gate, you hadn’t heard the airport lady annoucing your flight but then you could have never been able to undertsand the voices of the airport speakers. So maybe you were late, and if boarding had started you were in trouble, well if boarding had ended you were doomed. The gift shops in the airports always caught your eyes and this time it was a necessary stop since you needed to grab a few last minute christmas gifts but spent way longer at the duty free than you intended. You were a little out of breath while walking down the hallway and wishing everything still worked according to plan since this was the only flight you could catch to reach Seoul on time for christmas because you had been in Busan for the past week because of work.

When you reached the gate area you saw the crowd gathered around so you thought that indeed the boarding had started but then you didn’t see the airline staff so that was weird. You approached a little and then was when you overheard that the flight might be delayed.

The crowd started to speak louder and then you saw a staff member coming your way. You trief to step closer to hear better, holding your bag but feeling the wieight starting to hurt your hand. -Excuse me- you said to a young guy that was standing next to just as confused. You put thE bag on the ground and listened. The flight had been delayed three hours because of the sudden bad weather, you sighed, that was a bummer, but three hours werent that much time and you could still be on time for christmas with your family. You’d be pretty tight on time but you thought you could pull it off if it was just three hours.

You were getting a little hungry so since you were stranded There for the time being might as well get something to eat. You wanted something healthy and nice but With your budget you were thinking that Mcdonalds was the right option. Sighing you got your bag and walked away.

You walked without any rush now. Thinking what a shame that you had rushed all the way here for nothing. At the end you settled for a starbucks toasted sandwich. You were munching on it when something caught your eye. You had your gift bag sitting on the other chair it had slided to the side a little bit and part of the content was visible now so you frowned letting your sandwich down. What?

You took out a pack of three tennis balls, you were certain that you hadnt bought that. More confused you went through the content of the bag to realize that none of it was yours.

-Oh my god-

You had grabbed the wrong bag. But when? You thought hard when, the only time you let go of the bag was when you were standing near the crowd at the gate area. You thought hard on it and then you remembered the guy next to you had a bag just like yours. This one had to be his and surely he had yours.

- Shit - you exhaled, now you had to rush to find him.

You finished your sandwhich quickly much to your discomfort, you were walking looking around, but what if he had left.? No that wasn’t possible, he was there so he was most probably waiting for the same flight as you. You thought about your luck, way to go for a cheerful holiday spirit, not only your flight had been delayed but now you had lost your christmas gifts. Great.

Thankfully the airport wasn’t that big, those were Hoseok’s thoughts as he walked around looking for the girl who had taken his bag. He had noticed around fifteen minutes ago that he was holding the wrong bag, and he remeered you placing your bag right next to his so he guessed you had to be the one who took his bag away.

He had gone to almost every store around looking for you but he didn’t catch a glimpse of you, so at the very last he had decided to go back to the waiting area of your gate since he guessed you’d get back to it eventually. Hoseok sat on a visible spot and looked around, then he saw you coming also turning your head in every direction. Most probably looking for him. That made him smile for some reason, you had probably walked past each other without realizing.

He stood up and lifted his hand to get your attention as he approached you. You exhaled relieved and smile a bit awkwardly.

-Hi- you smiled again. -I’m sorry this must be your bag-

Hoseok couldnt help but smile too. -Its ok, it was just a mistake-

You lAughed a little. -Yeah this delayed flight thing has gotten on my nerves so I dont know where I have my head-

-Yeah same, it’s such a bummer that the flight got delayed, but at least there’s still hope-

-Well here you have it, let’s try to not get confused again- you both laughed and switched bags. -I was a bit shocked when I saw the tennis balls, I was like, I didnt bought that-

Hoseok laughed. -Oh those, it would have been terrible to lose it, that’s actually a gift to myself-

-So you play tennis-

-Yes!- he smiled even brighter making you feel a bit fuzzy inside, he had a cute smile. -I do, it’s one of my hobbies when I get free my time of my dancing and the other stuff in my life-

-Are you a dancer?-

-Yeah I actually…-

Hoseok stopped midsentence because a group of people was passing by your side and almost bumped you so he lightly grabbed your arm and pulled you away from them. You were a bit startled but thankful for the gentle gesture.

-Thanks-

-No, you’re welcome sometimes people go like crazy in airports, why…- he smiled and stared at you a bit more shyly. -why dont we go grab a coffe since we are waiting for the same flight anyway, I mean it’s ok if you dont want to, I just think it would be nice to wait with someone, I…- he laughed notably nervous so you giggled a little.

-That sounds nice-

You went back to Starbucks where you had warm drinks and a treat. Hoseok was very nice, he was chill and easy to talk with, he was also very handsome. He was the kind of guy who was beautiful in a very refreshing way, effortlessly, his hair was deep red that complimented him very much and he explained to you that he chose the red for a recent show in which he was going to perform. You talked about both your lives, finding that you had several things in common so the time flew by until the three hours that you were suppossed to wait passed, so you decided to go back to the gate to investigate.

At first you were the only ones standing by but just like before people crowded around waiting for new info, hopefully saying that the plane had arrived. The staff came again but news weren’t so bright. The bad weather was still very much present and the flight might stay delayed until the weather cleared up and it was secure to fly, so practically they were saying you were going to be stuck at the airport indefinitely. People wasn’t happy and complains could be heard. You looked at Hoseok not knowing how to react, this might mean that you were going to miss Christmas with your family.

-This sucks, can they even do this?-

Hoseok sighed. -They can, maybe weather it’s bad for real, we just need to wait for a little longer-

-Is your family waiting for you at Seoul?-

He nodded. -Yes, they are there for Christmas, I was excited to see my noona, and you? Your family is waiting or maybe a boyfriend…?-

-Oh no, nothing of that, just my family-

Hoseok chuckled. -So we both are single-

-On Christmas day-

Both of you laughed and went to sit together again.

To distract yourselves from the bad news you went for a little tour after some time around the stores taking the freebies of coffee and chocolates that stores gave and checking out the christmas stores. Hoseok was a funny guy, he didn’t hesitate to try on the tacky christmas hats, the reindeer horns, the santa’s elves and he even put on a santa claus hat with the fake beard and everythig. It made you forget about being lonely on Christmas because you didn’t feel lonely with him making you laugh with his sense of humor.

It was eleven on Christmas Eve and you were sitting on the waiting area yet again, only that this time both of you were wearing matching santa hats.

You were thinking where to eat since it was getting really late and chances were you were spending Christmas there.

-Well if we dont get home on time, at least we are spending Christmas with each other and you are a pretty good company-

You smiled at that, if you had been alone you would had felt way more sad than now. You felt bad that you weren’t with your family, but you had to admit that this didn’t turn out so bad.

The speakers went on and suddenly announced that passangers of your flight had to go to a different gate. Your plane had finally arrived and apparently the weather was good enough to travel.

Hoseok and you walked there together seeing the people already forming the lines the flight attendants were organizing. You were on the same line so you waited together for your turn, you couldn’t believe your luck. You had been waiting for the plane all this time but now that it was there it made you realize that you didn’t really want to leave Hoseok’s side because you had already warmed up to the idea of spending Christmas with him. It was a little crazy to think that you could get so attached to someone in that short spam of time but there was just something about him that told you that with him Christmas would be special.

You got on the plane finding that Hoseok wasn’t sitting beside you but he inmediatly asked a lady to trade seats and she very gladly obliged.

-Of course, I wouldn’t dare to split such a lovely couple on Christmas Eve- She said, so after all you ended up sitting side by side.

The plane was about to take off, both of you wrote to your familes and then Hoseok looked at you with a smile on his face.

-Merry Christmas Y/N-

You looked down at your phone and saw it was already twelve oclock. After all you did get to spend Christmas with him. -Merry Christmas Hoseok-

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