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widxwed · 8 months

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Kyle " Gaz " Garrick Headcanons

❛ Bloody right you do! ❜

- A / N : a request for a friend!

- CW : skulls + mentions of alcohol + mental illnesses

💣 ⁾ he is touch starved but at the same time doesn't want touch. he's very picky on who can touch him. even hugs or pats on the back are a no. he wont explain why but everyone on the team respects it and makes everyone else respect it. gazis a very cuddly person when he trusts the person enough though. especially with soap and price

💣 ⁾ he also hates the silence. though, he is a very quite person. he likes to sit with his headphones on just so he doesn't have to be in silence. he'll also hum or tap his fingers on things when its too quite and he doesn't have his headphones or phone on him. he just can't stand what may be lurking under the veil of silence. plus it's just creepy

💣 ⁾ he has autism, it's not very obvious but you can tell if you pay attention enough. he manages to hide it along with his hyper - activity and adhd. he's just a mental mess but he handles it very well and hides it from others

💣 ⁾ when he gets excited about a topic he will ramble about it. its one of the few times anyone is able to hear his voice for a long period of time. he especially does it with rudy because rudy just loves the golden retriever like boy. he just wants him to be happy

💣 ⁾ he loves reading. probably more than he loves himself or anyone else. he could sit with his headphones in reading for hours. funny thing is he hates audio books with his whole soul. he wants audio books to burn ( quite litterly what hes probably said despite the irony )

💣 ⁾ he also owns a journal that he draws and writes in. animals and guns are his main subjects. he also draws and lables flowers for fun. he loves to lable flowers. he's given all of his teammates paintings of flowers that are labled. every flower has their meaning and why the flower reminds gaz of them on it. he also likes to draw animal and human skulls. he doesn't even know why. especially with flowers

💣 ⁾ despite just being 24 he's pretty knowledgeable on alcohol. he personally likes whiskey and beer, especially darker beers. he isn't very picky but hes probably tried everything under the sun. he just likes to try new things, no matter how disgusting they may genuinely sound

💣 ⁾ when he does training he is pretty violent. he doesn't mean to be really! he just lets his anger out. his past wasn't the best so he was so used to just being violent. he normally trains with ghost and soap so that he can be as rough as he wants and they'll be okay

💣 ⁾ he is very much a junkrat at heart. i'm so sorry non - overwatch fans. he's a pyromaniac little shite. he loves his explosives. he also loves making them. he doesn't know how he got so good at it. he was a good fit for his job and ghost was happy that he loved doing his job. gaz seems to scare everyone with the fact that he was so good at throwing and making explosives

💣 ⁾ he has a good memory. he always remembers what everyone likes. especially food. he knows everyones favorite snacks or movies. one of the things that makes everyone off put is the fact that he remembers everyones fighting styles and guns. he's just that good at his job apparently. that's what he brushes it off as. he also remembers what everyone likes that he can draw. he'll draw them all the time and will give everyone the drawings

💣 ⁾ his love language is baking people food and gift giving

💣 ⁾ he's an amazing cook. he says its because he had to feed himself as a kid. everyone hated that answer but it was right. gaz always had to cook for himself. he loved cooking for others. it just made him feel so happy when other people are full and enjoy his food

💣 ⁾ he's just a happy lil man! my favorite happy lil man

This was not proof read! I apologize for spelling / grammer mistakes

#kyle gaz garrick #gaz cod #gaz mw2 #gaz garrick #kyle garrick #cod #mw2 #cod mw2 #cod mwii #cod mwf2 #call of duty #modern warfare ii #modern warfare 2 #modern warfare headcanons #gaz Garrick headcanons #cod headcanons #kyle Garrick headcanons #kyle gaz Garrick headcanons #headcanons

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critterchitters-closedcaptions · 1 year

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Hi, this is gona be a long ass post and im on mobile, so hang with me.

first, ill cut right to the chase

Im currently unemployed and need money to exist in this capitalist hellscape.

so, since thats my current predicament, ill be taking commissions!

here are some examples of things ive done and my prices

ill take payment through paypal, though im willing to work with other payment options as well!

The body prices are per-character, the other prices are per-piece (example: a flat colored sketch of two headshots would be 12$, 5 per character head, and 2 for the color), and im able to do lineart or lineless - though i dont have any good examples at the moment with lineart - and the prices will only vary if the design is super complex or hard to do, and theyre able to be changed a bit to work with your budget

I will draw

anything for your blog! (example: the pokemon images above, a header, an icon, etc!)

gore! (dm me if you want to see examples)

full scenes (with backgrounds and all!)

characters from pre-existing media (scp, homestuck, pokemon, etc!)

ocs, adopts, ideas, you name it! human, furry, and any other is alright with me.

plain background scenes with no characters in them are things i can do too!

minor nudity

things i Wont draw

hate speech

sexually explicit scenes (due to a lack of practice)

transphobia/racism/n*zi imagery, general nastiness like that

im also willing to design characters for you, and i can provide prices and examples of designs ive made upon request.

please dm me here or on discord @ [CC&CC]#8992 to contact me about any of this!

thank you for reading this far! ill also be reblogging this to my side accounts to try and get a few more eyes on this.

below is a little bit of info about me so you can decide if you want to Give Me Your Money or not ^^

im a genderqueer and overall queer trans man whose just moved out from my parents home and am living with my best friend of nearly 10 years. ive got a snake, salamander, and two bug colonies, i love pretty much all animals, and am an amateur songwriter/musician! im disabled in multiple ways (but that just makes me cooler 😎) and i deal with some pretty prominent mental issues which make being regular to a job without my health getting in the way pretty difficult. also part of a did system, which is. So Cool and Epic

im looking for a proper job, but its not been going too well for me thusfar, largely because places ive applied have found more fitting people to fill the roles. and thats ok! i just need some way to make money in order to buy groceries and Supplies for My Boys and generally. live, lol! i also want to take some burden off of my roomates shoulders, considering hes been doing wonders to help support me, but im not really able to provide much in return. job places are also a bit hesitant to hire me considering my aforementioned health issues.

anyway, sorry for the rambling and thank you for reading this far! i hope you can consider supporting me, but if not maybe a quick reblog to spread this around would be great! thank you so very much and have a wonderful day!!

#commission info #shooting beams of please by my art into ur brain rn #comissions #i need money and i am so sorry to have to ask you guys for cash but also i need to Exist somehow #dont feel pressured to buy though!! i understand how tight budgets can be esp in todays economy #art #art commisions #comission #art comission #digital art #digital art commissions #idk what else to put aaaaaaah

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cakeboxie · 3 months

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I think the reason Halsin and Zevlor (and Jaheria but I don’t post about her often) appeal to me so much as characters is bc they’re old and queer. Halsins varied queerness is an inherent fact of his character, and I heavily hc Zev as a cis gay man and jaheria as a straight transfem.

I only recently realized why I like that so much, it’s because it’s incredibly likely I won’t get old.

Tw. Death, graphic descriptions of chronic illness, mention of genocide, violence fuelled by bigotry.

I’m kinda just rambling in hopes that maybe someone like me will get comfort from knowing that they’re not alone.

I’m mixed, visibly queer, physically disabled, chronically ill and poor in an extremely conservative area. One of my only clear memories before 2016 is being told I wouldn’t live to see 13 bc of all the things wrong with me. I could drop dead from any number of physical issues, I could be killed for being queer, I could be murdered as a “joke” (this whole thing was prompted by an article about a group of teenagers who pushed a wheelchair user to her death in front of a train a few months back bc they thought it was funny. I was at the exact station where it happened, in my wheelchair, waiting for the train.) because I’m supposed to use a mobility aid, which means murder is okay, apparently.

I don’t know any old queers either, I’m not fond of adult themed events but there was a time when I forced myself to go anyway. Just to see people who really and truly lived.

And there was no one.

I know why there wasn’t, but still.

The oldest queer person I’ve ever known was 37, and 39 when she was murdered.

I suppose I just want to hope that someone like me will be able to grow old, and be truly and completely happy.

A part of me is guilty about that, in a weird sort of way. Be the change you want to see in the world and what have you, but I quite literally can’t.

Protests rarely stay peaceful here bc of pigs (cops) and violence fueled by bigotry. I cannot move fast enough to get away.

I can’t afford to donate, I have to live with two people who are, frankly, incredibly bad for my mental health bc this province believes $500 a month covers rent (if I had to pay rent and not just utilities my third would be close to $600 with 3 people in a 2 bedroom, we could not find a cheaper place.)

I do my daily clicks for Palestine (one on each device + in incognito), I keep myself as up to date as I can handle without breaking down. (Particularly genocide is something that has been a constant in my life, Ukrainian/indigenous, somehow both the 2nd generation to be born in Canada and the 2nd generation to be born off the reserve. I physically cannot handle reading about it without making myself legitimately sick a lot of the time, I’m guilty about that too.)

My silly little pngs don’t have to worry about that. They’re only sad when I say they are, otherwise they are happy and they are loved. Loved in a way I can’t even understand, really. I don’t know what it’s like to sit on a counter and kiss my partner while I’m cooking, I don’t know what it’s like to be domestic. It feels weird and edgy to say but it’s true, I don’t know what life is like without pain and exhaustion and struggle. I have fought tooth and nail to make myself a safe space and still it does not exist outside myself. I have exactly 10.2 square meters that are truly safe, and even when I am safe I am in pain, my joints ache and dislocate and fight me when I try to move.

So I draw my silly little pngs, and hope that someone will eventually be happy like that. Because even when everyone is shitty hope is really fucking important. And I can do that, dear gods I can hope. As hard as I can I hope for change.

#should I put character tags on this?#idk man #I want to #bc I want people to see it and know that there are other people #like them/like me #but also #the wider fandom scares me #with how they treat Halsin and Wyll particularly #ik wyll isn’t a focus of this post but he could be very easily included #bc I also don’t see queer poc #I know why that is (queer spaces here are still extremely racist)#I wish I had the means to change that #anyway #cakewrites #bg3 halsin #bg3 zevlor #jaheria

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cathalbravecog · 1 year

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idk if you already guessed it but thomas is my favorite ttcc character (totally did not draw like 15 drawings of him) and mmm uhmmm uhm what is your opinion on the good ol' ottoman?

I AM FINALLY GETTING TO THIS ASK. LET THE AUTISM BEGIN. THIS GUY BEEN ROTATING IN MY HEAD. MAYBE NOT THE WHOLE TIME BUT HOO BOY HE TAKES OVER SOMETIMES. AND U ALREADY KNOW I LIKE THIS GUY TOO. YOU AND ME. THE THOMAS WARRIORS. I MAY NOT SHOW IT A LOT BUT I CARE THOMAS A LOT. This is gonna be all over the place you will get lost here but come onto my mental illness adventure with me once more. I thought I had little to say but you opened an dven bigger tism adhd gate

I love Thomas our man SO MUCH he's literally like my second favorite blorbo in Toontown after Cathal that I can lore think about (BC HR joined Mt TTCC blorbo beasts list except he doesn't really have lore oops) I mean he's even on my phone case now, too, with other things that are important to me and he DESERVES IT

I really liked and cared about him before BUT!! this update and being able to finally see him in game myself after missing the other events... It is VERY VERY NICE and it made me like Thomas even MOREEEE

OK NOW TO ANSWER LIKE. THE OPINION QUESTION MORE DIRECTLY. He's a really fun character and as a duo with Robert he works rather well. He's ways in the background, overshadowed by his brother...(Who kind of needs him sometimes since the start of the company and YKNOW the literal guy he uh. Stands on to be level with the other Cogs. Like these guys need each other and I can elaborate on that more later) Working quietly. And yet he's quite the talker when he opens up and gets the chance to!! He's like me and a lot of people I know (I sure relate to him in this regard lol I literally state I ramble a lot in MY BIO and I DO) - more quiet and reserved people, sometimes seen as lonely... But with many things on mind, just waiting for the right people to trust to share these things with. Genuine trust or just comfort in a given situation... It's whatever but it's does also tie to another thing I wanna talk about later....or now actually

I know they state he is not befriending the Toons in the podcast - but with the way he speaks with us and his literal actions - it speaks louder than that and I think we should be allowed to make the interpretation that he is slowly gaining our trust. And I think it's a very interesting concept that the literal brother of the man behind this evil company that goes against the toons... Is befriending them. ( and literally your comic) the potential here is insane and it's more interesting than just yeah he stays true to his word he doesn't like you

It's clear that he does care - but it's true he's a very caring person in general. (then again a part of it is letting people step over him...literally. And he's aware of it and he dislikes it! Another thing I can relate to and speak from the heart about. But there's things I don't relate to and of course relatability is not all the reason why I like him... But it is a big part of it. Sorry not sorry I will project onto this man later) he does show he cares by literally closing the elevator and lying to save us from being seen... And waiting it out till the air is clear to let us in. Where he as always chats with us. Yeah they did say he just kinda puts up with it and since there's people to talk to he does ramble but... Some of the stories he tells are personal and he is aware of it. He did save you that one time and he did offer those cookies to you as well.. Even if you can't eat them. That's not even giving out the past items like some extra stock laying around he needs to get rid of...

(also I need to see if anyone reciphered those papers, already I love solving ciphers. It's an easy ceasar cipher yeah but having to rewrite this shit is that goofy fun part I did it with the papers at chips place... Idk if these r available somewhere.)

And the sweater?? Also very personal!! And like more story based as there's technically just one but ofc there's multiple players but in this case you can imagine yourself going there alone to speak with him each time as an individual... Like....the story about the extra stuff doesn't apply here this is personal.

But it is true he probably.. Does want to get rid of it. He makes a gift from the heart and it goes under appreciated. Unwanted...yeah I wouldn't want to see it either. But someone else may want it so yknow... Cutely gives it to the toons.

Like come on you can't tell me this guy isn't trusting these toons slightly, or, story wise, the toon/toons who come see him each April toons. Of course the recent one is the freshest in my mind and I only experienced the precious ones through reading the dialogue... I may miss some details of things he rambled about... But I genuinely believe with each visit he grows to trust the toons more and oh boy that could be interesting conflict... Who knows it could be brought up later with whatever board boy HQ is gonna be...plearse let us see Robert too I'm gonna implode

Anyways BACK ONTO THOMAS. I love this guy he's really nice I'd love to just sit in a room with him and exist together and sloy dwelve into back and forth rambling about stuff and I'd totally hype up his knitting... I just AURGHH. He had things going for him and these expectations... That he didn't met up to. But his brother had a plan and Thomas being well... Thomas. Not the leader type - he followed along... Because it was the best for him as who he is even if his parents wanted him to do other things

Despite the two (Him and Robert ofc) not exactly agreeing on things alwyad there's still care between them as brothers... They really are a duo!! Even if the topic is uh. A really corrupt capitalist robot company... And with Robert being preeeetty much very much so an asshole it's still just. Aurgh. Fun. Love the dynamic. Robert could just be an ass but he still cares about Thomas by some regard... I think about the time he watered Bubby for Thomas despite his hatred for the plant a lot okay

Thomas and Robert are already the most like, lore full characters (or Cogs specifically) other than some mgrs now and Atticus and Redd - but there's still so much like... Of an mysterious aura about them. We only hear about their lives and never see it... Robert we see in action in the comics - but we see him ONCE in game in a CUTSCENE MOST PEOPLE SKIP... Thomas we see in the background of the comics only speaking like... Once, I believe?? Even if he's there he's really easy to just... Not even notice. But he appears ingame and speaks DIRECTLY TO YOU. SEVERAL TIMES. for ALMOST HALF AN HOUR STRAIGHT...and he tells you a lot about his and by extentions Robert's personal life - something the comics can't tell you, and surely not the short cutscene with Robert during the directors fight

Like... They have the most lore but a lot of things are still unclear and it makes people want more answers and ponder more and it's BRILLIANT. I love it. I mean... I could rant about how a lot of info is hardly accessible in TTCC as a genuine criticism of how the game and lore is handled... But that's maybe for another day. BACK TO THOMAS SO LIKE ANYWAY- Thank you for canon aro ace character who states his opinions directly and is not forced to do it... And for fans being respectful about his identity for the most part as I can see and not... Forcing him to be romantic for ships. I avoid the fandom, mostly, specifically for reasons like this and because people scare me... So. I don't know how it really is. But an issue with aro ace characters is that even if we have a Canon one often fans will make them involved in romance for stupid ships anyway, absolutely erasing their identity. And then they bring up the "SOME AROSPEC/ASPEC PEOPLE DO DATE"... But they do this for all characters and ignore the chunk of people who don't, who just want to see themselves represented in media...im very tired of this being taken away from us as... Yknow. An aroace person myself. Thank you thomas for your swag.

Sooo.. How about some headcanons and personal things and me projecting because MOST HCS ARE JUST THAT!!!

Okay hey did you know I work with plants too? Yeah. (VERY SHITTY) agriculture school goer here.. Florist specifically.. Yeah I have no life plans for this but that's personal. Oh hey that sounds like someone I know. (also being around plants a lot makes me think abt thomas bc of association... And bc I'm spaces out 24/7 very likely thinking about my hyperfixation and the lore anyway to escape the moment. Uh I have problems OK?) Anyways...

Before I get to general projection stuff I wanna say my hcs!!

I think he sometimes carries gardening tools in his pockets and forgets about them. I do that. Forgets whole sharp gardening shears and then he needs to take out a pencil for someone, and instead he whips out something use able as a weapon. FUN!

I am not sure if it's stayed what his first knitting was ever... But whether or not this was his first or later knitting project doesn't matter - but I like to think that he knitted pot decorations for his plants!! Little pot sweaters, maybe!! Wouldn't even overheat the plants (some plants have veeery specific requirements but his ficuses should be fine) , I think, they don't give off heat for the sweater to insulate anyway, so it would really be just decorational....

And again, if the Cogs had cats I think he'd be a cat dad.

And now. The personal projection observation part... A reason why I think I like him so much is because I relate to him AND Robert. As someone who is a... Well. The anger issue filled, family failure shorter and younger sibling in my family... I can see myself in that. Some parts of the story really hit home... I'm not gonna get too personal here, but my relationship with my brother is... Rocky...been getting better though. He's very successful and I haven't done much in my life. He's the leader role. On the other hand, the dynamic here for Thomas and Robert is swapped... Thomas could've followed the success his parents set him up for, but he followed the lead of his brother instead - who his parents didn't see as good enough.

It's very different things, yes, but the things that are similar are what brings it a bit closer... Even if some things don't align well I can feel my heart sink when Thomas talks about it because. Ahaha yeah that ties to some of my biggest worries in life and it relates to me being the loser child in the family whoops

And just.. I AM. GOIGN TO EXPLODE. FUNNY HAHA CHAIR AND STEPPING STOOL THING ROBOTS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME. I AM GOING TO EXPLODE AGAIN. I CARE THESE BEASTS I MUCH. I THINK THIS COVERS MOST OF IT. OTHERWISE I'D REPEAT MYSELF. THERE'S PROBABLY MORE I'LL REMEMBER LATER BUT THIS IS IT FOR NOW. Thank you for giving me a place to ramble about whatever in regards to a character somewhere that isn't... Me talking to myself on my Discord server on a Toontown channel dedicated to myself only. Hope ANY OF U FOUND THIS ENTERTAINING TO READ. Even if I'm. Probably.... Wrong on some things but that's okay if anyone mean to me I explode them too ok

I care the him

#Rambles #[answered]#Long post #Ottoman #ALSO I FORGOT TO COMMENT ON THE DOODLE. I LOVE IT.#I NEED OTTO PLUSHIE.#GIVE US THOMAS PLUSHIE RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

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rnisa · 2 years

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What’s your take on A and B’s backstory? Especially A, how do you characterize him? Also please accept my drawing of them!

WAIT HOLY SH-

I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS AT ALL!!! Your artwork is REALLY fucking good. Your lighting and shading is off the charts - especially the gradient effect, that's something I really like to see. I love how you draw masculine features, the eyes came out very nice. Also thank you for your question, I apologize for the hell you've unleashed as I just do not stop talking -- Warnings for way too much nonsensical rambling ahaha. Anyways, my thoughts are below, what are yours?

As far as A's backstory, I sadly have not put much thought into it. I can't recall if it was confirmed A was male or female but I liked to think A was female, as a break from the 90% male cast, honestly. I feel very badly for A. As someone who has struggled with s*icide ideation growing up, it always hurts my heart when young children go through with it. Words can't express the feeling... no child should be pushed to that breaking point. Anyways, A was deeply troubled and had so much pressure, and clearly they saw no way out of their situation. They saw death as their only 'freedom'. Wammy's doesn't sound like the most ethically-run place, but I'll save my thoughts on that for another day.

The only thoughts I have are that I do believe B loved A - for no reason other than I love a traumatic love story. It was unrequited, but B didn't care - he loved A and didn't need A to love him back. He was happy just being around A and was perfectly fine being "best friends forever". I wouldn't even classify it as romantic love, just...you genuinely and unapologetically love this person, and love having them in your life, no matter how that is. No...this love wasn't just black-and-white. Sorry if I'm not making, any sense.

Other than that, I haven't thought of A all that much - so if you have any headcanons, please feel free to submit them. I encourage it and I'd love to read it. Or just @ me in your own posts about it so I could not miss it, if you'd like.

As far as B goes, my thoughts on him have changed quite a bit since re-reading LABB (I had done some headcanons about a month ago before refreshing my memory, so some things I said, I'd like to take back). We know that B was born with the Eyes, but of course, there's no way he could have known what they were, so it took him a while to really understand what it meant. Let's assume by now, he's seen enough death in his life - even indirectly so, such as watching the news - and being as smart as he is, was able to figure out that he was special. At first, before he figured out that seeing numbers and names above peoples' heads wasn't normal, he creeped out his parents by asking, "What do those numbers mean?". He was taken to a few doctors before realizing that it wasn't normal, and at least once was being medicated for a mental illness he didn't actually have. Eventually, once he learned that what he could see was not normal, he lies by admitting that he was just joking. After all, he didn't want to be locked away. Just knowing that he was special, and nobody around him could understand, would be enough to torment anyone. I do think that B felt completely and utterly alone.

I feel like his parents had a strained relationship and at least one of them wasn't around much - I'd like to think he didn't feel much when one of the two died - but the other, he begged not to leave, not to go outside that day, and...well, they did. He felt cursed. He knew that there was something supernatural about him. He had no knowledge of the Death Note, of the existence of Shinigami, but he was just...different.

Now of course, he felt crazy. Part of him wondered if he really was sick, in some way, but what could he do? He struggled. And then, he was taken to Wammy's. The place for "gifted children". Now, we have no backstory of how Wammy found ANY of these goddamned kids, but let me pull something out of my ass real quick for B. I honestly think that he might have specifically requested, if not traveled by foot to the orphanage itself and said, "I'm special, let me live here." If anything, because he had nobody else to take him in. I think he'd do what he could to prove his worth and live there, but either way, Wammy noticed something special was about him. He didn't tell Wammy that he could see lifespans, or see names. He just pulls up saying his full, real name and that was enough to both unnerve and make Wammy curious. B was special after all, so he took him in. The orphanage wasn't great, but it was a place to stay. He'd have food, shelter, and access to comforts he didn't even have while his parents were alive.

And then he met A. As B climbs up the ranks, it's clear he's the "backup". In case A fails. B honestly, didn't care for L at first. He didn't give a single shit, he wanted his own path. What that is, is up to you - but he did not plan on becoming L.

I think B had always been drawn to violence. He'd always been curious about death and by this point, was not afraid of it. His fascination had him buying books, searching the internet, for gore...all in the name of science. He was intrigued by what the human body was capable of, the various stages of decomposition... he was a strange one. If it weren't for Wammy's and the whole L thing, I think he'd've gone on to become an incredible surgeon. Gore, death and blood were not frightening to him, it didn't make his stomach churn. Sure he'd enjoy helping people, but the opportunity to cut people up wasn't all that bad to him either. He'd enjoy the work.

As we know, that isn't how things play out, and he becomes a serial killer...I think A's death was his final tipping point. The final event that just...caused him to snap. He hated L. He hated how A killed themself while trying to become good enough for L. B loved A, and would never forgive L.

#sorry i got so distrracted #death note #beyond birthday #very amazing art #ask #headcanon

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abysscronica · 2 years

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2/2 By “choosing” this relationship with her kidnapper (haha get it? Kid-napper?) she is able to freely make that decision and effect the situation she’s in and gain a feeling of security in that she is in control of what she wants. By falling for Kid and accepting that he’s fallen for her back she is effectively creating a situation where she knows she holds some sort of power of him. (Again it may not actually be Stockholm syndrome and all of her feelings may be 100% genuine but I just like to look at possibilities from both sides especially in stories where there’s so much up to interpretation)

Oh dear, 😅 I was also going to talk about her relationship with killer and the crew and about how you used the flashbacks to tell the story of her and Aokiji’s relationship, but even though these are just thoughts and ideas spurred on by a rereading of only the first chapter I feel like I’ve rambled on for long enough haha.

(I’m sorry if I’m looking too much into this story and sounding crazy trying to analyze it like this and try and connect dots and make conclusions where there are none, but when I love a piece of media I love to look as deep into it as I can and make theories of why I think things are the way they are even if I know it’s not that deep and I’m just sounding nuts. Over analyzing is how I show love basically haha. This is actually the first fanfic I’ve ever have such layered views about and that I felt like looking into how certain things could be interpreted adds to it as an experience. And it’s also what made me love the kid pirates so thank you for that! So yeah, I’m sorry this went from “hey this is what I liked about your story” to “the way in which you write makes me want to delve into the mindsets of these characters and makes me think of them as very complex multifaceted individuals who’s situation can be viewed by a million different angles and still be amazing” I know you didn’t ask for an essay about a fan fiction of an attractive angry pirate, but I hope you can find some kind of enjoyment or amusement from reading the ramblings of a fan of your work!)

(Also on a final note I’m sorry the text from my last ask was so large I have no idea how that happened 😅 so I hope this is better!)

Here we go!

First of all let me say that there can be more than one interpretation to birdie's behavior and personality, this is the whole reason why I don't always draw clear-cut lines: I love to see what you guys feel about it.

If I may add something to what you've said about birdie and her own perception of control/freedom on the Victoria Punk, let me say that the environment she grew up in plays a role as well.

Being in the Marines for around a decades constricted her actions and way of thinking into the tight ranks of a military organization, so she never had much liberty to begin with. The ways around a Pirate ship are actually much looser.

Then there's the fact that birdie was always ill-suited to follow the strict rules from the Marines and respect her superiors, to the point she was infamous for not always following orders. BUT, because she felt she had chosen that life herself, and because she didn't want to disappoint Aokiji, she always forced herself to wedge in. She limited her own freedom.

On the contrary, as a prisoner of the Kid Pirates, she didn't feel any obligation to them. Sure, she was much more vulnerable and in a very dangerous position. And yet, ironically, she is mentally much freer than she ever was in the Marines. She doesn't feel she owns any respect to the pirates until they earn it, and she doesn't feel she has to follow any rule until they force her.

It's true that, as you said, at times she seems to "forget" her position as a prisoner, but in the back of her mind, she's always acutely aware of it: she uses the very concept against Heat, during the crisis caused by Drake, when he urges her to have food and she asks if he's "forcing her" to eat. And later she almost embraces being a prisoner when Kid puts the bracelet on her to re-establish their roles and put her at ease (that she is not a pirate).

So the thing is, is she really choosing a relationship with her kidnapper, or is she just looking for an excuse not to be the one to choose?

This opens up a Pandora box on how messed up she is, so I better stop here. 🥲

Just one word on the power balance between Kid and birdie. Even here, the lines are blurred, and I'll leave to the readers to decide who holds the most power and when (obviously it's Kid most of the time, the interesting part is guessing if/when it shifts). One thing I can say though: I don't think birdie ever cared for "fixing" the bad guy. She never tries to make Kid a better person, not even with herself (or hardly so). It's just that she occasionally thinks to be immune to the monster, just because she got to experience some more hidden, softer parts of him. And then she's violently reminded that she's not, you already exposed this very well in your own words.

I hope this is interesting for you and I touched all the points you wanted! :D

I'd love to know what you think about the relationship between birdie and Killer, please don't ever limit yourself if you wanna talk to be about stuff!

Thank you again for this exchange, it's fun!

#eustass kid #eustass kid x birdie #captive

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untoastted · 9 days

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This ask made me realize i dont know how to spell harbigur

HARBIGUR GODS AU. YOU MENTIONED SIGNORA WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR HER (i am so incredebly sorry if you've already told me this :((( )

Also, regarding the flower language, Dottore's eyes are red and that one flower you talked about was red. So i am just imagining a drawing of the flower Being his eye (his eye is in the middle part) as it breaks his mask. Am i going to draw that? No, genuinly no, i cant draw mask in first person it is hell i tried, but im just putting this out there in case 👀 (if im talking like a crazy person and you dont understand a word i said i AM willing to show you a rough sketch. Dottore is your mentally ill and murdery guy and the fact im imagining a full drawing with flowers is Not Okay D: )

It’s harbingers how dare you (/j)

Anyway you are in for some nonsense rambling cause I have not slept enjoy!

I have in fact not because she’s one of the ones I’ve been kinda neglecting, It’s no surprise I’ve been thinking about Dottore and Pantalone most of the time I think of this au

Anyway what it is that I have so far is that Signora was Sandrones dead lover, much like Zhongli and the god of salt (forgot her name I’m so sorry) she was forced to kill her though not during the archon war but right before Sandrones creator, marry-anne (I think that’s how it’s spelt can’t remember if it’s Mary or marry my Sandrone loving friend would be so disappointed in me) disappeared

Sandrone was trained hard after she was made after all she was made to replace marry-anne as the archon she had to be strong and her final challenge to her was killing the one she truly loved

That day Sandrone learned the truth about why she was even allowed to get close to someone in the first place, so that one day she could learn the pain of losing someone, grief

Soon after signoras death marry-anne disappeared leaving Sandrone to be the archon, she’s resented marry-anne ever since… she’s resented everything ever since becoming cold and distant towards everyone but her people

(Oh oh adding on to this after the fact that Sandrones the archon of eternity so she was created so that marry-Anne could technically live on for an eternity. And also how her one and only love with live on eternally in her heart despite them not being able to be together anymore)

OMG THATS SUCH A COOL IDEA THO (do send me that rough sketch tho I wanna see it)

You’ve flowerfied my fave how could you (I say like I haven’t started using flower language in this au because of you and also was the one to talk about that flower to you)

#dottore brainrot #haau!#dens <3

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wilburs-soot · 3 years

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ayo here besties have my take on Derivikat’s Revived bc as much as it’s a banger the c!wilbur analyst in me is just Losing it over the character interpretation

(please note, nothing against the song or the artists, again I think the song slaps and the art is incredible!! there’s just some stuff that doesn’t sit right with me and I wanted to put my ramble out there!! Also, this is all just opinion!! Please feel free to disagree with me, I think the different interpretations of c!wilbur are really fascinating!!)

————

in my opinion, Revived reads as an outside characterization of Wilbur from just moments after he was revived. Which is fine, it just means that it loses a lot of the nuance that his character has in favor of going “oh no he’s back he’s got big plans oh fuck” which is valid, but feels very far removed from how his character *actually* existed during the revival stream. The song just doesn’t feel like it has c! Wilbur’s voice as a character in it.

I really do think the art in revived is very good! However, it leans into the whole “red eyes, evil plans, bad guy” lens on wilbur which I am just Very Much Not A Fan Of because when this portrayal of his character was most popular, he was in the middle of a self destructive mental spiral. (See the “are we the bad guys” stream.) The whole concept of drawing him with glowing red eyes to represent his villainy and (in the case of the pogtopia arc) making him encroach upon Tommy’s personal space to prove a point/“manipulate” him just feels like such a surface level take on the character for me, and while again this is valid, it’s frustrating bc all these big creators keep making content where they paint him like this and due to their popularity he becomes widely villianized in artwork/people’s interpretations of him. In my opinion the revival stream read as him being excited to be alive again and free from his own personal hell, and to have it be an “I’m back, this has been my plan all along, I’m here to fuck shit up and take everything back” just feels Icky to me.

At this point I feel that though his apologies to people weren’t well executed he did genuinely mean them and while again, this song was made before more recent lore streams and has a right to interpret that as him being up to no good or whatever like,,, the man was a Mess that entire stream! He couldn’t even make a point without contradicting himself, of course his apologies are gonna feel weird!

My final point is about limbo and the way the ycgma pallete is used in the song because as much as I love when it’s used it just feels like an weird interpretation of limbo/the album itself to me. the album is so deeply rooted in Wilbur’s mental health and does a great job at expressing the vulnerabilities it needs to, but to take c!wilbur, who clearly is going through a lot of the stuff referenced in the album, and use it so it’s almost like, weaponised?? (Not exactly the word I’m looking for but you know, ycgma feels a lot angrier and like a tool towards a goal in this, at least to me) I dunno it just rubs me the wrong way.

Tldr my take on the revival is essentially “man is stuck in the physical representation of his mental illness and is happy when he’s finally freed bc thirteen and a half years of solitary confinement is Literally Torture holy shit” and the fact that it’s interpreted on a very large scale as “man has used his time dead to his advantage. He’s back, he’s manipulative as ever, he’s evil, and you’d better watch out” just stresses me out because again, it’s such a surface level characterization and he just has so much more depth to him.

Again these are all just my opinions, please feel free to disagree!! I think it’s really interesting how other people view him and other viewpoints are absolutely valid!! That’s the beauty of being able to watch this story from different perspectives, it leaves a lot up to interpretation :)))

#wilbur soot #dream smp #dsmp fandom critical #not really but just to be safe #the song is a banger I just worry about the effect it’s gonna have on peoples interpretation of c!wilbur lmao

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moony-artnstuff · 3 years

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Commission @rowandor

Note: @rowandor here it is, love! I hope you like it ❤

Thorin:

It took a little while for Thorin to get to know you, as he wasn’t really focused on forming friendships but rather on the quest ahead of him. And with yourself being rather shy and introverted the two of you didn’t really talk, at first.

However during the quest he started to notice more and more things about you, like the fact you carried a lot of different notebooks with you. He became intrigued and when he stole a glance he saw you sketching the most beautiful drawings, and before he knew it he had asked you about them and the two of you started a conversation.

When Thorin and you were on night watch he would often ask you about your many talents and interests, thinking it was amazing that you could do so many things (not that he’d tell you that, of course). He found your shy demeanour endearing, and he felt a small sense of pride when he noticed your growing more and more comfortable with him, eager to hear more interesting facts from you

When in a relationship with you, Thorin would get you all kinds of (courting)gifts having your talents in mind; expensive paints and brushes, beautiful handbound sketchbooks, gorgeous writing supplies for you to write your stories with (please read them to him, he loves to hear about your stories).

He would also take you to all kinds of theatre shows, and encourage you to participate in them. And you can bet he will always be there to see you perform.

Thorin knows he’s hit the jackpot when in a council meeting, you come up with the most creative ideas and solutions for rebuilding Erebor, and they work. He’s grinning to himself like heck yeah, look how smart and creative my wife is.

Thorin is pretty introverted as well. Like yeah, he arranges council meetings and attends feasts, but often only because he has to as the king of Erebor. He’d much rather spend his time with you cuddled up in your shared chambers, just talking and enjoying each other's company while you do your own things.

Thorin would never get mad at you if your depression made you incapable of doing your daily duties. He’d tell you to take you a few days off to just relax and take your mind off things. When your anxiety acts up during a council meeting, you’d just have to give Thorin a sign and he’d come up with an excuse for you on why you have to leave.

Fili:

Fili quickly became intrigued by you when he noticed that, although you were always polite and nice when talking with the others, you would often sit by yourself and do something for yourself. Every now and then he would sit with you, and ask you about what you were doing. He knew you were a bit shy, so he tried to take it slow, but he really wanted to know more about you, and when you finally let him in he was so happy.

He thinks it’s so amazing you can do so many wonderful things, and he’s not afraid to ask you to teach him some things, and he’s more than happy to teach you some cool tricks with his blades, if you are interested, that is.

One time he jokingly asked you to make a painting of him, and when you actually did it he fell in love. He shows it off to everyone, saying “look what she made! It’s beautiful!!”

Fili respects that, because you’re introverted, you don’t like to attend big gatherings and such, and he often helps you out avoiding such events, making up excuses for you. The fact that you are an introvert who prefers to spend most of her time in her room is a bonus for him too, because that means he gets to have you all to himself.

He think you’re so amazing, with your strange and mysterious aura, and he thinks it’s so cute when you ramble on about something you’re passionate about, and he will ask you a million questions about it, both because he’s genuinely interested but also because he loves seeing that excited spark in your eyes.

Please tell him everything about what’s going on in your imagination. Fili is so fascinated by what’s going on in your head and he wants to know everything.

He would be so honored if you let him proof-read your stories.

Fili knows when you start feeling really anxious. He will take your hand in his and try to direct as much attention as possible away from you to him. If you need to leave the room he would simply kiss your forehead and lead you outside, helping you calm down and telling you it’ll be alright.

When your depression gets too much, Fili would hold you tight, softly swaying you and letting you pour your heart out to him. He would dry your tears, kiss you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, reminding you that you’re not a bad person for being mentally ill, that things will get better and that he will stay with you until they do.

Kili:

Oh he was infatuated with you since the moment you two met.

You were just so mysterious and interesting! How could he not want to know everything about you?

He thought your shy demeanour was adorable! And it only made him want to get to know you more.

He’d try to find out as much as possible about your interests and talents so he could talk about them with you, and he loves it when you tell him all kinds of different facts.

Kili would want to spend as much time with you as possible, but when you tell him you’re an introvert and need time alone he respects that, and gives you space when you need it.

Kili is your number one supporter in everything you do; you’re performing in a show? He’s gonna be on the front row cheering you on and being mesmerized by you. You’ve written a new story and need someone to proofread? He’s right there! You made a new painting or drawing? Kili’s gonna show it to the whole of Erebor and then hang it somewhere in your room where you can always see it.

I can totally imagine Kili asking you if he can draw with you, and then when you show each other your drawings you made a beautiful portrait of you and Kili made something that looks more like a stick figure with hair but he tried very hard and you love it.

Kili loves your hyperactive imagination, and if you were to help him come up with fun and creative ways to prank someone he would be the happiest dwarf alive.

Kili is an extravert, but he understands that you, because you’re an introvert, need some time alone to recharge. He loves to cuddle with you in those moments (actually kili always loves to cuddle you, he thinks you’re so amazing and he wants to hold you because of it).

When you feel particularly anxious and need to leave a crowded place, Kili is more than ready to act silly and attract all the attention to him, so you have a chance to slip away unseen. After that he will check up on you with something to drink and your favorite snacks.

He hates to see you sad, and always tries his best to cheer you up, but he understands that when you feel really depressed sometimes all he can do is hold you and be there for you, and he does exactly that. He hugs you, kisses you, tells you all the reasons he loves you and promises that you’ll be happy again.

He understands that life isn’t always great, and sometimes it can be really hard to reach out to the good things, so he brings the good things to you. He sneaks all kinds of good food from the kitchen, so everyday he can surprise you with a different meal. He picks colorful flowers so you have something pretty to look at when you don’t feel like going outside, and he reminds you everyday how beautiful you are and that you are enough the way you are.

Dwalin:

What can I say? Opposites attract.

Dwalin really doesn’t know what it was that pulled him toward you, but something did

He wouldn’t admit it, but he thought your shyness was cute, and though he wasn’t really a creative person himself, he wanted to know all about your talents and interests.

He isn’t very good with words, but he tries to compliment your work as much as possible, and ask questions when you tell him about one of your hobbies.

Dwalin is a dwarf of action, so to show you he loves you he takes you out on dates to the theaters, and buys you new paint when you mentioned you were running out of it.

Dwalin loves your paintings. He hangs them all around the house, and they remind him of you when you’re not home.

It’s very good you’re emotionally intelligent, because Dwalin tends to bottle things up. You help him be more open and express his emotions in other ways then anger and food.

Like I said before, Dwalin isn’t the best with words, but he does his best when trying to comfort you, and you can bet there’s no way he’s gonna let anyone treat you like shit for having mental illnesses! If someone even thinks about making you feel bad for not being able to do daily tasks he will not hesitate to punch them in the face and give them a piece of his mind.

Dwalin loves you, and your happiness is his number one priority.

Bofur:

Ohohoho this dwarf adores you!

Bofur is a joyful dwarf who finds joy in many things, most of all creative things. And you can do so many things! How amazing is that? Bofur wants to know everything about you, your mysterious aura only adding onto how much he wants to show you he likes you.

I headcanon Bofur as someone who’s good at carving things from wood (because his cousin is a toy maker, I’m sure he must have picked some things up from that) and he likes to make you little wooden figures.

When you tell him you do theatre he’s over the moon. Bofur loves to entertain others (I mean, just look at that one scene with the dwarves in Rivendell, where Bofur gets on the table and starts singing). He’ll definitely drag you up at least twice to do some kind of show for the company during the quest.

Bofur enjoys hearing you talk about your many talents, and he likes it even more when you infodump him about something! He thinks it’s so cute to see you rambling, looking all excited. But what he loves most of all is to just watch you do your thing. You could simply be sitting by the windowsill, writing away in your notebook as the sunlight falling through the window makes it seem like you have a halo around you, and Bofur would have the most lovesick look on his face.

It’s easy for Bofur to lift your spirits, even when he’s not trying. He’s always smiling, because most of the time he feels genuinely happy. He’s always cracking jokes and his laid back nature creates a calming atmosphere. When you need him to be there for you, he will be there. He’ll caress your cheeks, call you sweet nicknames and remind you of all the beautiful things in life.

Something Bofur likes to do when you’re feeling particularly down is to take your hand, hum a sweet song and just sway around the room with you. He’ll shower you in compliments and cheesy pick-up lines and won’t stop until you’re laughing again.

Bilbo:

You’re an introvert? Bilbo couldn’t be happier. We all know this hobbit is a gigantic introvert himself, and he’s more than happy to just spend all day with you inside or in the garden, enjoying each other’s company and a good meal.

You both share a love for writing, proofreading each other’s work and supporting each other when writing stories.

Bilbo is fascinated by your drawings and paintings. He himself tends to draw some sketches every now and then, but it’s nothing like the things you create. He’s always in awe when you show him your work, and he covers every wall in his hobbit-hole with your paintings and drawings.

You’re the one that got him to love theatre. He would always come and watch when you performed, bringing you a bouquet of flowers from his gardens to give you after your show, and after watching some of them he realized he actually really liked theater shows.

His favorite pastime is to sit in the garden with you watching the sunset, as he smokes his pipe and works on his book, and you sitting next to him drawing the many flowers surrounding you.

When your depression gets extra hard to deal with Bilbo will spoil you as much as possible. He’ll bring you breakfast on bed, fill the room with flowers, take over your chores and just lets you rest until you feel like you can face the day again, and he will never make you feel bad for sometimes not being able to. Bilbo loves you, all of you, and he wants you to be as comfortable and happy as possible.

#Commisions #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit #TH #thorin x reader #dwalin x reader #bilbo x reader #fili x reader #kili x reader #bofur x reader

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juriyuna · 3 years

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Thinkin’ about Juri... Popular rep seems to be that she’s heartless and cruel, but that’s really far off from how she actually is.

I know she’s not sympathetic in the same way that someone like Ao is, but she’s not without her own problems, and I feel like that gets overlooked a lot? Maybe it sounds like a funny thing to say about someone like Juri, but having caught up on Arc 2, I honestly feel pretty bad for her.

To me, she reads like she’s dealing with some sort of untreated mental illness. She’s impulsive and impatient, she struggles to sit still and pay attention in class, she’s bad at time management, she gets annoyed/angry easily, and she has a very hard time controlling her emotions. (personally, the vibe I get is ADHD, but YMMV. I’m not a shrink; just drawing from experience.) She even outright calls this her “sickness”- she’s aware that she has some type of problem, but she really has no idea what or how she’s supposed to handle it.

Juri says she’s had a bad temper ever since she was a kid, which only got harder to manage as she got older. Her dad sent her to a nice all-girls school (that he struggled to afford as a single parent) to try to give her a shot at a better future, and she almost got expelled for acting out too much. So, in the hopes of making life easier for her father who she loves so much, she made her wish to Kyubey: “I want to endure more.”

... Unfortunately, instead of making her relaxed and patient, it ended up turning her into a ticking time bomb. Rather than having a bunch of minor outbursts like she used to, her anger and frustration now builds until it reaches a boiling point, upon which she has to expel it the only way she knows how-- through violence.

She doesn’t like being like this, either. She complains to a Torayamachi girl about it in her MSS, and feels bad about how hard it’s been for her and her dad to try to manage her issues. This is also why Yuna agrees to fight with Juri so often-- she knows what Juri’s dealing with, and that this is the only way Juri can calm herself down. She knows that Juri isn’t a bad person. She has a problem, and Yuna (being a very kind girl at heart) wants to help.

(And I imagine that Juri hating her bad temper is its own vicious cycle, too. Getting angry at yourself for getting angry is an awful neverending feedback loop to get sucked into.)

When Juri and Yuna have their first big fight in Crimson Resolve, and Juri loses (partly thanks to Ao attacking her), Yuna refuses to continue the battle because Juri is so badly hurt.

At which... Juri starts crying. I mean like full-on sobbing and yelling at Yuna, “You promised, Yuna! You promised me you’d accept... Juri the Great’s feelings...!!”

I just-- man. That’s... actually kind of sad?? She relies so heavily on fighting Yuna to burn off pent-up stress (especially in this scenario, where Juri also wanted a rematch for her first loss) that not being able to do that causes her to get so overwhelmed that it straight-up brings her to tears.

In a scene later on, while Juri is still recovering from her wounds, she gets upset and impatient and goes “fuck it; if i can’t fight yuna properly i’m just gonna march to toramayachi’s base and die a warrior’s death”. Ranka catches her and talks her out of it, but... jeez, the poor girl.

Killing other magical girls was a necessary evil to survive in Futatsugi- Juri herself says “it hurts to kill people, but we’ve gotta swallow that pain for tonight”. She doesn’t enjoy having to do it, but it’s either that or she dies herself because of the grief seed shortage. Times were rough-- and none of these girls could even talk to anyone about it, since nobody knows about magical girls. There’s no way you wouldn’t come out of that untraumatized.

She was a good friend to the girls in her gang, too- that’s part of what made it so strong. Even in the thick of her temper in Futatsugi’s gang wars, she says “I'll admit I did drag those girls into my own personal conflict. But I still see them as friends. I still care about ‘em.” Then at the end of CR, she offers memorial flowers where her friends died, and promises that she’ll make Futatsugi a city where magical girls never have to fight to the death again.

Ahh, I’m rambling all over the place at this point, but... Juri’s a good kid, deep down. When she’s in a better mood, she’s friendly, playful, and laid-back, though still prone to roughhousing. (She also loves romance manga, according to her intro scene in CR. Kinda cute.)

... Anyway, that was a lot of words to basically say “Juri needs therapy”. Emotional dysregulation is a bitch and a half, though, especially when you don’t know to deal with it (and I would assume especially when compounded with the effects of a wish like hers). She’s not a character who people typically seem to read that much into, but man... I love her a lot. She’s definitely one of my faves. I hope she can get some proper support one day. ;_;

#magia record #madoka magica #ooba juri #long post #idk if anyone will even see this but. i must share my thoughts

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legionofpotatoes · 3 years

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I love your art, it is very detailed in a neat way. Was wondering how you got started making it as a source of income? How did you get your first paid work, I'd love some advice on how to get started, if that's ok

Thank you. Of course it's okay, although I doubt I have enough work experience in art to really delve into this. I only went full freelance this year, and had been juggling art as a side hobby until then. If you're still interested in my somewhat narrow perspective, and are okay with my long-winded rambles, I'll give it a shot:

So to answer your question fully, I'll describe how I started and move into personal advice and learnings later on. As a disclaimer, I am a white cishet dude in my late twenties with a moderate cocktail of mental illnesses, but overall I can pass for a functioning adult so a lot I have to say may come laced with privilege I cannot fully identify.

So uhh I began drawing in around 2012? I think? Maybe halfway through 2011? And I mostly made fanart for things I enjoyed and tried to branch out in communities that felt nourishing to my style and interests (I caught a bug for alt posters and enjoyed mainstream movies so I spent a long time on posterspy early on). There were a handful of opportunities that came from there but I could only accept a couple because of primary workplace commitments. Still, it showed that networking in a focused community was definitely a good place to start; I myself have huge trouble committing to social networks and really staying socially active, but I knew it was an essential ingredient in succeeding so I tried to make myself be involved in challenges and art support trains etc. as much as I could.

In parallel to all that I also ran a few third party online stores (redbubble, teepublic) for disposable income and would sometimes, if rarely, hit around $100-150 a month from those sources combined. It is a sort of thing that requires helper accounts on other social media sites to promote it on, because the stores themselves have a huge volume of content that translates into low organic discoverability. Obviously it was never gonna be the way towards financial independence through art, and with community projects being few and far between, I opened private commissions in around uhhh 2017 I think, focusing on offering a few styles I knew I could do well, and sometimes operating in individual fandoms (it was mostly a bioware thing to be frank). But I had to close them back down after a year or so, again because of work-life conflict and how badly it was burning me out. The reason I kept trying to monetize this hobby is because I honestly hated what I did for my main job and wanted to see a way out in some shape or form in the future.

And then in 2020 I had to quit my main job altogether because of *gestures at pandemic* and deal with a mental breakdown from all the wonderful things it did to us and me specifically. I took a short break and decided to give art a shot full-time, and that was around May this year. I was planning on opening up commissions again (and I still am), but a few sudden opportunities that fell in my lap moved that timetable down and now I'm grateful to even be doing something I am getting adequately paid for.

So, with that somewhat limited perspective, here's what I've learned that I'd tell myself if I was just starting out:

1. Being a fan of something can be a shortcut towards effective networking kickoffs. Which are important evidently. If you love something and enjoy making content for it, join communities, settle into a combination of social media websites that feel right for those interests + your body of work + your inner rhythm, and try to play to content discovery as much as your mental health allows you to. Like I said, I know that I myself am incredibly bad at self-motivating to talk to people, so I found that synergizing common interests into fanart - which I enjoyed making anyway - could be a way to give myself a gentle nudge forward and build those bridges leading to community activities, which then net experience and coverage. Sometimes even freelance projects from official avenues. Again; picking the right spaces for what you're after is key. Companies roam twitter, concept art recruiters scour artstation or linkedin etc, instagram can land you private commissions and collab opportunities, so on and so forth. Find your niche and try to kick up dust. However...

2. I do not believe that any social profile can replace a good portfolio. The thing that made an immediate difference to me this year was building a coherent, simple website with my best work front and center and a contact form on top. Every single opportunity I got came from that form (maybe via twitter or instagram initially, but always sealing the decision after going through the website), so I firmly believe that showcasing your skills and portfolio in a visually arresting and user-friendly way is a big priority. I had some reservations about tackling that task but fortunately I had help from a savvy life partner and we slapped it together via wordpress in less than a day. Twitter/whatever social media is prevalent in your target groups is definitely important to get the right eyes on your shit, yes, but those eyes will then look for a second stop where your work and rates are more clear and concise. Simplicity is key imo, I cannot overstate this. So make a cute, simple portfolio!

3. Your skills and rates will grow and change as you do. Let them. Over the years I built several lasting professional relationships from my obsession over mass effect and kept getting opportunities both from bioware and their partner companies, some small and some a bit bigger. A one-off job earlier this year opened an unexpected door to another much larger commitment, and then the work I did there brought some attention from small businesses looking for commercial commissions. These were all incredibly different projects in terms of scope and budget, and I've been tackling them all on a case-by-case basis and slowly coming into my own irt my needs, rates, and SOW thresholds. It is still a work in progress (and a LOT of literal work as well), and very much a thing I struggle with in publicly marketing, which is why I felt a tad underqualified to answer your question in the first place (obviously I did not let that stop me). But what it means for me now is that I am rapidly developing into whatever my "version" of a functioning freelance artist is, and when the conditions for that guy are met, I need to be able to confidently plant myself and operate from that space despite past precedents. Do not let anyone bully you into downpricing what you yourself perceive as legitimate products of personal growth and development. Speaking of which...

4. The shitty challenge of turning envy into inspiration, and paddling outside your comfort zones in full riot gear. it is hard, but realizing that being a miserable, self-hating artist in my early days got me nothing but more misery back was the first real step I took and what truly blew the hinges off. I was just not pleasant to be around, I would badmouth my work all the time, and it all somehow made sense in my broken mind because the validation I sought was purely external and the way I sought it was through eliciting sympathy via self-victimization (even when I made something objectively nice). It all led fucking nowhere. Except perhaps to my own narcissism that I one day managed to identify and start managing. So I started looking at things that made me seethe with envy and calmly deconstruct and figure out their inner workings instead, do studies, and find nuggets of inspiration or discover new ways to approach rendering or building up specific elements. It was an application of analytical diligence to what I wanted to be a purely emotional, esoteric workflow, but that I deep down knew wasn't. Art is a discipline and a skill, and maybe it isn't a straight line, but you gotta find some line to thread nevertheless. Being self-hating was almost an identity I had to break out of, and despite it still being like, 4-5% there? I realize its cause and effect on me, my work, and those around me, so it is with a conscious choice that I gently set it aside when I work and especially when I learn. It won't always stay quiet, but the effort is the difference. Your doors towards accepting true growth and venturing into uncharted territories, art styles, and networking will really open from there. But there's a huge caveat...

5. Toolsets, accessibility, privilege, and all the good things that enable artistic expression and profitability are not given equal to all. you might do all the mental work I mentioned to be ready to rock and roll and learn and draw your way out of anything, but digital art is a fucking money pit that asks almost too much at times. I don't got a good case study here but identifying and ensuring accessibility to the tools you need to do your best work is, like, super important. The ergonomics can improve as you make money and settle into the job, but the basics have to be made available to you. And some of that might not even be under your direct control. That can be anything from pen tablets to software subscriptions to opportunities in hiring sullied by sexism or what have you. You gotta navigate all that through careful networking and money/time management. I don't do a good job of devoting specific slices of time to work/study, and my primary clutch is iPad software which went from a good deal to a nightmare scenario over the years. So all I can say here is do what I didn't; network, invest in a PC/tablet, and pick a software you'll learn that won't burn a hole in your pocket.

6. Be nice to work with? This one is hard to articulate and has landed my own ass in hot water in my early years because of how socially inept I am, but nothing is more worthwhile than being.. like. a good person to work with. That can be anything like meeting deadlines, or sometimes missing them but eloquently articulating why, being generous in early stages, being communicable and not too wordy in your emails, having a good grasp on abstract artistic concepts and how to describe them in simple terms, having a clear, laid out framework of your working rates in commercial and non-commercial projects and sticking to those guns with grace, understanding when you need to say no and saying it well, the works. Just being nice. Sometimes that might mean going headstrong with something you believe in, or simmering down and sucking up to the big man, all relative and adaptive. Part and parcel of the service provision dance that we all have to do in order to make bank. Know your lines here, obviously, and don't like. work for nazis. or uh.. *shudders* exposure. but be nice and empathetic and communicable and word will travel eventually. Skill may be in abundance these days, but good people are most certainly not, and capitalism has a way of bubbling up scarcity. Grim, but uh, them's the breaks.

I know I'm ultimately telling you to like. Have a body of work, make a portfolio, grow, and network. But that's really how I see it for now. And being nice can be a cherry on top that sets you apart, along with the inherent irreplaceable voice of your artwork. I think I rambled on enough, but if there is something specific you need my help with, even if you want to come off anon and talk in private, please feel free.

#anon #asks #long post #sorry I cant actually condense ideas better :(

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scamoosh · 2 years

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talk about komaeda!!!

anon i am holding ur hand so tenderly and blowing u a little kiss....

going 2 ramble 🏃

i am thinking abt komaeda 24/7 but he has been on my mind sm recently i love that guy😔i am just going 2 ramble abt some of my thoughts and hcs 4 him bc i need 2 type too much abt fictional guys or ill die

-he is BIPOLAR!!!!! yes this is partially me projecting but he isssssss not only in the like . stereotypical mood swingy way that ppl like to point to but in the way that he has trouble gauging the severity of situations and reacting appropriately.,,, like not only reacting strongly but like. not being able to moderate his reaction even when he knows its unreasonable. and putting extremely high expectations on himself and others bc if everything isnt Very Good its Very Bad and feeling like even one failure to meet one expectation cancels out any good done by any other successes.,,,, idk. i feel like a lot of the ways i experience my own bipolar-ness can b pointed out in how komaeda thinks and acts and that is kind of comforting idk. bc his thought processes feel so obvious to me even tho i can recognize where theyre flawed and wrong idk. like one of the biggest things 4 me is feeling guilty bc u know a lot of the time when u get upset abt things u Know ur overreacting bc ur bipolar so when things Actually genuinely rightfully upset u its rlly hard to allow urself to feel upset without feeling guilty or worrying that its unwarranted and just a symptom . and like . thats komaeda too he feels so extremely but either feels excessively justified in it when hes riding the high or insisting that he never has any right to act according to his own feelings oughhgh. oh komaeda we're rlly in it now

-hes nonbinary :))) yes i am projecting again but i also must stay true to my theory that every danganronpa protag is trans and bi and every dr antagonist is nonbinary and gay <33 um. he feels a disconnect to (and occasionally a disgust for) his body. not 2 say that all trans ppl are unhappy w their bodies but idk komaeda has a very specific way of shifting between 'this is what i am and it is what it is' and like 'this is atrocious sorry 4 everyone who has 2 look at me' and that specific back n forth is smth that i personally can relate to? also i like when ppl draw him w lots of cute little accessories bc i think he would like little things like that w/out being concerned w the fact that ppl might associate them w femininity. plus w his whole complex abt junko and his obsession w her u know for sure he has an appreciation (even if for the wrong reasons) for femme culture <333 also i think he and mikan do each others nails sometimes :) and it takes like 4 hours bc theyre both nervous and clumsy as shit

-ok going back 2 the mental illness thing he also makes me rlly sad bc has moments of like . total self awareness and is like damn it sucks that i feel so unstable and act like that towards other people and deep down i wish i could change i want to be good i want to be loved but like . that doesnt change the fact that it happens again idk. his behaviors feel very cyclical which feels v real idk. farquad pointing meme MENTALLY ILL!

-ok wait typing that also made methink abt how in his final little hangout event convo he confesses that hes always wanted to be loved and that hurts my feelings so bad man. like that is the culmination of getting to know him is him confessing that he wants to mean something to someone else even tho he is 100% certain he doesnt deserve it and so should never Get it oughhhhhh. the overwhelming guilt that comes w being treated well is so real.

guys i love komaeda. this is so unorganized and dumb i just care him

#thank u that is all #potential warning 4 talking abt mental illness #but like . its komaeda so obviously #sorry 2 anyone who reads that i am just feeling emotions.....#komaeda tag🍀#asks

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weedplantar · 3 years

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(tw mental illness mention but positive ending)

spotify has a 'your top songs from X year' playlist option and i was relistening to my 2020 throwback and it reminded me of how i was feeling at the time.

summer 2020 was genuinely the worst time of my entire life (/srs), and i thought i wasn't going to make it, and even if i did, i thought i would never be happy again.

but you never realize how you're doing until you realize it all at once. things just slowly got better until today i had the sudden realization that i'm... happy. i no longer have the dark heavy cloud of depression or the bright chaotic one of mania constantly plaguing me.

i have real friends, people who actually care about what i say and want to talk to me.

i'm no longer failing out of school because i can't fathom a future, i have a 4.0 GPA, and last week i committed to the college of my dreams that i want to go to in 2 years.

i no longer struggle with what i look like or what i eat. if i want to eat 3 quesadillas in a row, i can and i'll enjoy them. i've learned to love and accept my body.

i can maintain a job without getting too paranoid or burnt out to hold it together. and i'm using the money i now have for healthy purchases that make me happy, rather than to fuel that dark place.

i'm able to have hobbies again. i write, i hike, i run, i draw, i read, etc. all things i gave up on when things were bad.

it's nearly 4 am and this is so rambly, but i only realized this today.

i am finally free and i am finally happy after battling and being so sick for 6 years. i used to scoff at this phrase, but it really, truly, does get better.

#tw mental illness #tw depression #tw mania #bipolar #bipolar 1 #actually bipolar #mental illness #mental health #it gets better

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frienderbender · 3 years

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hey frienderbender is it ok to ask for some lore/information on your magpickles 🥺 I’m very invested in those goods ( off the topic but can I just say I am in LOVE with the way you draw Skwisgaar my heart is just fluttering to fast when I see him 🥺💞 Anyways muah you’re wonderful artist thank you have a lovely day/evening )

oh sure! first off thank you so much for the sweet message! that made my night :'] i love drawing skwisgaar and im glad you like how he looks in my style haha

anyways im assuming youre talking about my general lore for them in the canon timeline, so ill talk about that under the cut

i think they first met some time in the late 80s while pickles was still with snb. they met after a show specifically. magnus introduced himself as a fan, and that was true! but (quick tangent for some general mag thoughts) it brings up something that ive always thought about when i look at mag. magnus definitely gives off the vibe of being the guy who was always just Around in the music scene, especially in the rock and metal scene of this era. like, hes a mysterious dude but he has connections. he will play with random bands sometimes. he knows so many fucking people in this industry (not saying hes friends with all of them though); what im trying to say is. Everyone Has A Magnus Hammersmith Story. hes the type of guy that gets talked about in podcasts decades down the line. ok all that to say he was able to get backstage because he just Knows People. and he introduces himself as a fan blah blah pickles and magnus drink and do some drugs and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if they at the very least made out with each other the first night they met.

so pickles is like, pretty into him right off the bat. magnus was too, but i think on his end INITIALLY he was more just interested in hooking up but they exchange info and keep in touch and all that. so. this is RIGHT before snb implodes. and theyre still meeting up fairly regularly and becoming closer and doing a lot of drugs and drinking a bunch. typical rockstar stuff.

but pickles had been on a steady downward spiral at this point (he was already like this before he met magnus), and in one night snb is no more. having burned all those bridges in his band (for now), pickles turns to his only friend left: magnus. and i think its at this point, when pickles comes to him, wrecked by the dissolution of his band, that magnus kinda starts to realize he might actually feel something for him too? seeing him like this, seeing pickles from fucking snakes n barrels, so raw and real and not at all like the fiery redhead he met that night after their show...it just feels different somehow. like yeah he was attracted to pickles from snakes n barrels, but he realized he had grown to care about pickles from tomahawk wisconsin. he liked that one better, there was no bullshit. no hiding beneath layers of glam makeup and hairspray.

so its the two of them against the world. its the early 90s at this point. on a whim, pickles decides they should leave LA and just drive. wherever. just away from the city because LA fucking sucks. he takes all his money and he and magnus get in his car and just start driving. they end up in florida eventually, because its the other side of the country. or something. they get an apartment, and for a couple of months they live together and its. kinda nice. its different, for sure. but not bad. magnus and pickles both always kinda skirted around the topic of their relationship. they never called the other their boyfriend. but i feel strongly that they did tell each other that they loved the other, once. and they meant it.

so heres where things get tricky for me. how did dethklok form? what was the order? who met who first? i dont know!! i wish i knew! its something i have a million scenarios for and i wish we got a canon order of the members joining at the very least so i can model my headcanons around it haha

with that in mind though, i do think magnus and pickles were a bit of a package deal. like, whoever joined first was able to get the other in. so. yeah. they joined dethklok some time in the early to mid 90s now.

they have a pretty decent few years. theyre still.......something....even in their new band. like they arent open about it and hook up when the other guys arent around and all that.

its around this time though that i think magnus is really starting to go through it. combination of feeling frustrated because of the bands status at this point, general untreated mental health, etc. anyways i think the stabbing incident occurred some time in the mid 90s, probably like '95 or '96 or something. so.....he gets kicked out. obviously. and those are the terms they end on for awhile.........

but uh. you see. pickles never completely cut ties with the dude because. well. what do you do when this happens to someone you care so deeply about. and i think probably a month or so later, magnus actually contacts him for the first time since the stabbing incident. and maybe i have a comic script and thumbnails about this encounter what about it. magnus tells him he wants to see him, so pickles slips out that night to meet up at an old bar they used to go to a lot. may or may not be the depths of humanity uhhh anyway. theyre talking for awhile but it just kinda devolves into honestly more one-sided arguing on pickles end. hes frustrated and sad and confused because fuck! magnus! why would you do that? why, when the bands just starting to take off? it becomes this whole like. you arent the same guy i knew. and in that moment it quietly hits them both that like. we arent who we were, and we dont know what to do about that. magnus asks if pickles would want to join him and leave the band, and pickles tells him to go fuck himself. and thats the last thing he ever said to him.

and thats where the magpickles lore/relationship timeline ends. i realize it really did kinda turn into a timeline but also i did write a timeline during a slow day at work once like two months ago but. anyways. this is basically that.

but uh. yes. i love them. they make me sad but in a good way yknow. its like. its one of those situations where i feel like under different circumstances, they probably couldve made it work in their own weird way. they have such a specific dynamic, whether in their background together in the canon timeline or just me fucking around with AUs and being like hmm what if i actually gave them a scenario where they could have the time to develop AS an actual couple. im rambling but i just love these two so much. this is so long.

i feel strongly they wouldnt get back together in any sort of canon capacity, but i do think they still have feelings for each other in that way you do when you remember people you loved in the past. old friendships that dissolved with no resolution. the person you still have things you want to tell them, even though you know you will never get the chance.

#IM SO SORRY THIS IS MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE #asks #dicksoutformtl #IF YOU WANT. AU LORE. just lemme know and i will happily talk about that!

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ankhisms · 3 years

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the always wonderful shelley @shanheling tagged me to do this thank u so much!! i think that everyone i wanted to tag has already been tagged to do this but if you feel like doing this feel free to consider urself tagged by me!! im putting this under a readmore bc its long and i ramble a lot

the piece i was tagged to explain my process on is this oc piece! unfortunately i have a habit of deleting my original clip studio file once ive finished my art and saved it as a new png file, so i dont have the file to show the sketch and different stages of this piece. but I still can go through my general process and talk about how i did that piece!

1. planning

honestly i think about the art that i want to do a lot, and in this last year or so ive thought about the art i want to do more than ive been able to actually create and finish that art that i want to do. for my planning i tend to do a lot of different thumbnail sketches for the art im thinking of

these are some examples of thumbnails, a lot of times ill do thumbnails just on pencil and paper and with some of these theyre done quickly with my fingers on my phone note function on a day where i was feeling too bad to get up and draw on paper but still wanted to get the thumbnail ideas down. two of these are for the same songxiao piece that i still havent finished and i have more thumbnails digitally on clip studio for the same piece, i do a lot more thumbnails when a piece isnt working the way i want it to and theres times where ill completely scratch a thumbnail or a sketch and start over in order to do more thumbnails because i dont feel happy with some aspect of it.

two of these are small gouche painting thumbnails for two pieces i did maybe a month or so ago, i did the thumbnails and then tried to expand on them digitally and im wanting to do more thumbnail paintings like this in the future because it was fun

for the piece of my oc trio it was based off a series of ask prompts i got for a few different outfit prompt memes i had reblogged, so i based their outfits on the ones in the meme. when im drawing figures i tend to try and get the movement down in the poses when im sketching, i do several rough sketches of the pose before beginning to start setting down lines (if im doing lineart at all because sometimes i dont like doing lineart and do a more lineless painting kind of style). i really try to get my art to convey some kind of emotion, in the oc piece i wanted it to feel fun and like youre seeing three best friends while theyre out on the town having a fun night

2. creating

this is the only real example i have of a piece in the middle of being filled in and created, this piece is one that im really not very happy with & have had lying around for a while and ill probably scrap it and try to come at it from a different perspective at some point. but anyway it still shows what i do, i lay down a kind of neutral gray color underneath my final sketch/lineart if im doing lineart in that piece and then i start picking out the colors that i want for the piece and kind of setting out a pallette for myself. i dont do this color pallette thing 100% of the time but i do it really often, especially if im working on a commission or a larger piece where i know theres going to be a lot of colors or if its a piece where im not sure exactly what color scheme i want so laying out the colors together helps me kind of decide what kind of scheme i want. i am sooooo picky about my colors in my art i am genuinely obsessed with colors in art and there are times where i really have to stop myself from working on something forever just constantly adding more colors or putting little tiny changes and gradients in the colors.

after ive got the colors i want down i tend to try and block out parts of the piece with the base color for that section, and then i start to paint with the colors that i want to go on top of that base color from there.

once im satisfied with the colors/shading/rendering and everything ill go back and look over things and will fix things that look off or sometimes completely redo segments if they dont look right to me. when i was younger and mainly doing digital art using my phone and my fingers i would use a lot of filters and overlays on top of my art once i was done, and honestly im glad to not be doing that anymore because i dont think it made my art look any better. i do color adjustments and sometimes will put on a color overlay or a layer to emphasize the shadows and the light in the piece, but i try to keep those layers to a minimum and like i said before i have a tendency to obsess over the colors and ill spend a good amount of time in the color adjustment tool of clip studio and then ill just decide "actually it looks fine as it is" so yeah!

3. posting

i feel like i dont have a lot to say here gbfm i mean i honestly have a lot of thoughts about the relationship between artists and social media and how social media changes our views on art including our own art and how we can feel like we constantly need to be posting new art and just become content machines churning out new stuff. but ill save that rant for another time. i used to be really concerned about how many notes my art would get when i was younger, and i dont at all blame anyone who still is very concerned about that bc it sucks when u work hard on something youve created and then you dont get a lot of recognition for it, but honestly within the last two years or so i feel like ive begun to have a lot healthier relationship with posting my art. i really just post my art on my art blog, reblog it to my main blog, and then thats that yknow! i do really appreciate any and all support people give me, it means the world to me, but for me having the mentality where i dont need to post all the art i make and i dont need to be posting every day or every week or every month even has been a lot healthier for me because then im not constantly asking myself why didnt this get notes is my art awful??? and yeah i just kind of post it and my brain goes okay were done with that art we gotta make more

ive honestly been struggling a lot with art thru the pandemic and if youre reading this and have been struggling with creating in any way recently or even before the pandemic, please know theres no shame in having trouble creating and it doesnt make you bad at whatever it is u create!

thank you for reading this, feel free to consider urself tagged by me again if u want to do this!! love u all

#showyourprocess #beep beep its a txt

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