#i like that act three was a dream sequence
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Buck & Eddie: "My Buddie Crack Theory"
Since the finale airs tonight, I decided I'm finally ready to share my theory with details.
Question: What is "My Buddie Crack Theory"?
Answer: Buck's still in his coma dream.
I've included the details below the cut but please note, if he is still in his coma dream, it's NOT A NEW CONCEPT because it's been done on network TV before. (Details about the TV show "Dallas" and the main character "Bobby Ewing" are below the cut.
After season 6 ended, I read a post on 911blr that contained a screen shot from the show's IG page and it included a statement from someone who works on the show. It indicated season 6 was an "experiment" and it piqued my curiosity because I remembered reading about a TV show that did something similar in the 1980s. If it's true and KR was doing an experiment, then, it's possible 9-1-1 is doing something similar with Buck's coma dream.
In 1986, a procedural drama, "Dallas" did it with one of their main characters. The gist of it is, after main character "Bobby Ewing" was killed in a car accident at the end of season 8, he came back in season 10 because one of the actors who was still on the show asked the actor who played "Bobby" to come back because their ratings dropped. He agreed and the writers retconned the entirety of season 9 and turned it into a dream sequence for Pamela, Bobby's wife. Supposedly, she dreamed everything that happened before she woke up in 10x1 and when she walked into the bathroom, he was in there taking a shower 🙄. ISTG this is true and I know it's soapy and weird but here's a link to one of the articles that discusses it (Dallas).
How does this relate to 9-1-1? Well, it relates because since the beginning of season 7, there have been many indications in the interviews from the main cast about the possibility that TM is retconning seasons 5 & 6 and doing a mirror image or carbon copy of season 4 so he can get the main characters back to the point they were at in 4x14 (Buddie and Bathena). It's when he left OG in the hands of KR since F*X wouldn't allow Buck and Eddie to go CANON.
Before I delve into this, I need to make three points. First, I'm not making this about one specific character because the show already did that so please if you're going to be salty about it, please don't read this. If the things I've identified are correct then, that's on 9-1-1 and their writers. Second, these are my interpretations and observations of all the off kilter, retconned and unhinged things I've noticed since last season. Third and finally, when the season is looked at as a whole, it appears Buck still being in a coma is the only thing that makes sense.
Disclaimer: No one has to agree with my theory and please understand I'm not asking anyone to. The purpose of me doing this post now is because I wanted to wait until just before the season ends before I posted it because I wanted to see if the trend would continue and it has, for me at least. My theory could be right and it could be wrong but the point is someone else may have a difference of opinion and if they do, it's perfectly ok because two people's opinions can co-exist.
Now back to the regularly scheduled program...
Several things happened in seasons 6 and 7 that caused me to believe Buck's still in his coma dream and since the beginning of season 7, I've felt like all the mains have been acting OOC at different points and their actions have been off in someway or another. I'm not the only one who noticed it and there have been viewers who've commented on this topic in post-mortem articles and on social media. When I looked at the entirety of 6B and season 7, IMO, it seems like everything is being told from one character's POV, i.e., Buck's. It's a flawed and skewed one that in order to understand, one has to go back to review the details in 6x11.
After 6x9 aired, to me it seemed like Buck and Eddie were already together in a romantic relationship but Buck got struck by lightning and it halted everything. If they were, then everything about Buck still being in a coma makes even more sense and it explains their actions.
Here's a brief summary of 6x11: It appears Buck woke up TWICE in his coma dream and the first time he did, he was talking to Daniel but the first person he remembered from his life was EDDIE. After Daniel told him the next time he climbed a ladder, he should be sure there was someone available to have his back to which he responded, "I did". Reminder, after his brief flashback, Eddie wasn't included in Buck's coma dream anymore in season 6. I think the second time he woke up was when he was talking to Maddie before the 118 entered his room. Also, while he was playing gin with Bobby, Bobby told him he couldn't believe Buck returned from a world where he could fix everything but he replied, "Not everything."
I think he was still in his coma but he thought he woke up and when he had a coffee date with Natalia, he told her, "I woke up in a world that was both everything and nothing I ever wanted it to be" and other than the two things he told Maddie in 6x12 (included below), that's all the audience heard about his dream.
Now, in season 7, Eddie's the ONLY person Buck keeps thinking and talking about non-stop which could mean he's still in his coma but this time he's seeing his romantic life. Reminder, he was confused in 7x4 about whose attention he was trying to get but the viewers knew it was Eddie. Additionally, everything that happened in his dream has come to pass in some form or another but it's possible it might not be real.
Maddie and Chimney got married in 7x6 but it wasn't the wedding Chimney described to the team in 6x16 they were planning before he proposed. In his dream, he told Chimney they should get married because they already had a kid and a house.
Bobby retired and he died (temporarily) in 7x9 which both of those things happening have always been part of Buck's biggest fears. In 3x10, he told Bobby he's one of the most important people in his life and in 6x11, Bobby being Buck's found dad was CANONIZED by May Grant. Reminder, Bobby was dead in Buck's coma dream when he was talking to him.
In 7x10, it's possible the 118 might get split up (hopefully they won't but with Ortiz and Gerard around 🙄 who knows what's going to happen) and that's another thing that scares Buck, him losing his family. In 3x16 he was worried about them being split up and he worried about it again in 6x5 during Hen's medical school party.
In 6x11, when he was running towards his hospital room, he ran past Chris but Chris asked him to help him find his dad but Buck told him he wasn't real but the truth is he was (related post).
After he woke up the second time, the audience didn't see Buck's recovery from him being depressed and everything they did show was kind of off but not so much that it would be noticeable. The conversation Buck and Eddie had in 6x15 in the cemetery in front of Marie's grave was interesting and that's when Buck admitted he felt like he had to be the same old Buck mostly for the sake of everyone else. Viewers who watched the last few episodes of 6B remember what a cluster "F" they were and several recurring characters acted OOC too.
Now let's fast-forward to season 7.
I've been posting about my theory since the end of season 6 but I really dialed into it after 7x1 aired because the timeline Athena stated surrounding when Bobby purchased their cruise tickets was OFF. For those who watched 5x18, they know Bobby purchased the tickets then but their trip got delayed at the end of 6x1 after Athena's father had a stroke. But in 7x1, her scene with Frank started with "Two months ago" then she said, "Last week, my husband... he did something, he... booked us on a cruise". Why is this a problem? It's an issue because the TIMING IS OFF. For Athena's timeline to be accurate, seasons 5 & 6 wouldn't exist since Bobby actually booked the cruise in 5x18 which happened more than a year before they left.
Additionally, all of Buck's biggest fears are being addressed in season 7 and they're happening one right after the other.
Bobby retiring (mentioned above).
Bobby dying (mentioned above).
The 118 being split up (mentioned above).
In 7x10, it appears the Diaz parents might be taking Chris from Eddie and moving him (hopefully temporarily to El Paso). In Buck's coma dream, he was worried that Eddie lost Chris because he wasn't there to introduce him to Carla (she hasn't been mentioned once this season - related post).
The sun setting behind Eddie and Buck in scenes during season 7 are also part of this because in 6x12, Buck told Maddie, "For some reason, it's never nighttime in my coma dream". IMO, it appears Buck's running out of time to figure things out and it's possible he just might by the end of the finale, that is if the narrative continues.
Furthermore, NONE of the things that happened to Buck in season 6 have been addressed in season 7 and they remain unresolved (related post). There hasn't been any mention of the sperm donation, the baby, his quest for captaincy, his recovery from being struck by lightning and he never had a breakdown, even though he's well overdue for one. It's kind of like everything that happened wasn't addressed on purpose and before 7x1 aired, in an interview, TM said he didn't want Buck focusing on all the stuff that happened in season 6 because he wants to be happy.
I'm including a lot of one-offs that happened to add credence to my theory. Before reading the items below, don't forget, Buck is Midge in the movie "Vertigo" and she was waiting for Scottie (Eddie) to move on from his deceased wife. Well, isn't that what Buck's kind of doing now with Eddie? YES!
I think Marisol doesn't have a last name because Buck doesn't know what it is. He met her in 6x5 the same time Eddie did and when they went back to her house, I don't think he was worried about her and Eddie dating later on. However, I do think she's the only woman Buck could think of since she was the only one he saw Eddie with before he got struck by lightning. Eddie didn't mention Buck to Felisa in 6x7 when he told her about Shannon dying and Chris getting caught in the Tsunami even though everyone knows Chris was with Buck that day. Also, Buck never met Vanessa in 6x14 since Pepa introduced her to Eddie and it was after the lightning strike anyway. It appears Marisol was the only woman he could think of that Eddie might end up dating. Eddie's never said her last name either which is suspicious. Reminder, Eddie used to say "Ana Flores" all the time which means he knew her full name.
In 7x1, Eddie said, "Welcome back to the land of the living Buck, you were truly missed". It was an odd comment because they were still working together and if they saw each other every shift, why would he say it like that? It seems like he's still waiting on him to wake up.
In 7x4, Buck told Tommy, "I haven't had this much fun since the night I got struck by lightning." 👀 IIRC, that night wasn't fun for anyone especially him, so it was a strange comment for him to make and when Tommy asked him about it, he replied, "I'm just using it as a point of reference." Therefore, it seems like the show wanted the audience to remember Buck was in a coma and it's possible he still is.
In 7x9, Tommy said it had been 5 years since he left the 118 which was WRONG because he left before Buck started which happened 7 years ago. It's another weird timing discrepancy but I think it was included for a reason and it relates to Buck and Eddie. It appears Buck was once again confusing his feelings for Eddie with Tommy since later in the same episode, Eddie told Kim it had been 5 years since his wife died but if the math is done, it's also been 5 years for Eddie working at the 118. Reminder, he quit in December 2021 and he didn't return until May 2022. Therefore, Buck's known Eddie for 6 years but Eddie's only been at the 118 for 5.5 years.
IMO, Buck's encounter with Kim in 7x9 was him coming face to face with his worst fear (related post) and it involves the way he believes he'll never be able to measure up to Eddie's first spouse, even though the audience knows he's fulfilled the role as coparent in Eddie's life since 2x4 when he stepped in and helped Eddie find childcare for Chris.
The retconned ages in season 6 have continued to be up for debate but I think while in his coma dream, Buck got Eddie's, Shannon's and Denny's and his own ages wrong and I think the show made a point to highlight them because if TM really is retconning the last two seasons, then it's true, Buck would be 30 years old since he was 29 in 4x5 and it's possible he would have had a birthday before 4x13 aired (if the show was on their normal schedule). They've never stated Eddie's age so who knows how old he is.
It's possible Tommy's a figment of Buck's imagination especially since he's so much like Eddie.
Kim's comment to Buck in 7x9 about how the firehouse looks bigger in person than it does on FaceTime was a direct callback to season 2 when Buck slide down the fireman's pole and walked up behind Eddie after he had just finished a FaceTime call with Shannon. Buck told him he should ask Bobby for a discount when Eddie asked him if he thought they'd have to get married again (Buck was being petty).
Now if 9-1-1 is planning to retcon seasons 5 and 6 within Buck's' coma dream, then everything makes perfect sense because in 6x11 and in 7x4, one thing was clear, IT WAS ALL BEING TOLD FROM BUCK'S POV which everyone knows was flawed. Even TM admitted Buck wasn't seeing what he thought he saw because it was from his point of view. Buck remembered things that didn't happen the way he thought they did in his coma dream. One of them includes him believing he saved Bobby but the truth is he didn't because Chimney did when he took Bobby to meet a couple whose baby was saved after they got a blood transfusion with Bobby's blood in season 1. Also, Buck's memory was so jacked up that he thought Eddie wouldn't have been able to stay at the 118 if he hadn't introduced him to Carla. He also believed Eddie would have had to fight his parents to keep custody of Chris which was WRONG for two reasons. First, Eddie will sacrifice anything for Chris and second, Bobby RECRUITED Eddie and convinced him to join the 118 instead of station 6. So logically, if Bobby would have been dead from the plane crash in season 1, Eddie NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE 118 BECAUSE BOBBY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE TO RECRUIT HIM. It also means Hen and Chimney wouldn't have met Eddie; therefore they wouldn't have known he had a son.
If 7x10 ends with Buck waking up from his coma and him remembering he's already in a relationship with Eddie, I won't be surprised because that's what the narrative was showing in season 6. Also, AB and MJW both said, "Something biblical was going to happen in the finale" and the only thing I can think of is Buck coming out of his coma.
Can the narrative change, of course it can and it has several times over this season alone with last minute scripts and storylines but hopefully, this season will end on a good note because IMO, it's been underwhelming thus far.
With regards to Buck and Eddie, I think TM (showrunner) has done his best to confuse viewers this entire season so they won't see what's coming. I'll admit, I might be completely off base with "My Buddie Crack Theory" and none of the mishaps that I've identified mean anything but it's also possible they could mean everything. Tonight's episode will tell the tale so I'm curious to see how it will all turn out.
Hopefully, it has all been a dream and Buck and Eddie will end the season together in preparation for season 8.
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#christopher diaz#the buckley diaz family#buckley diaz family#911 abc#911 on abc#911 season 7#911 season 7 speculation#911 meta#911 speculation#911 spoilers#anti marisol#anti eddiemarisol#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#anti bummy#marisol nolastname
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watching a critical analysis video on hello neighbor and having to remind myself that The Game Is, In Fact, Pretty Bad Actually and that just bc I actually know the story (thanks to Being Here since the beginning of its development and reading its supplemental material(books)) doesn’t mean the game actually makes sense as a stand alone piece
#the game is bad and should not need supplemental material to clarify it/make it good. I know this#but god damn it act three is about reliving childhood trauma and I Appreciate that the game itself moved away from its initial Over All Pre#Over All Premise of the most important thing is figuring out what’s in the basement#i like that it went ‘ok. well ehat happens after you find out#you’re in the basement now and you’re not getting out for a while#i like that act three was a dream sequence#I love hello neighbor. i wish it was a good game.#words from the monarch#hello neighbor
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madame web was SO fucking funny i love that every single decision they make is certifiably insane but in a somehow very safe and pandering corporately-mandated way. here are some of my favorite choices:
an extended action sequence set to toxic by britney spears which stops in the middle to remind you that the year is 2003 so this song was actually just released
the villain goes to the opera, seduces an elegant woman with a single look, wakes up from a recurring nightmare wherein three teenage girls beat him up and kill him, proceeds to rant at this woman whom he’s just met about how hard it is to know how you will die someday, reveals that he is aware that she an nsa agent, and poisons her while he forces her to tell him the roughly 8 digit code that grants you access to every single security camera and government database in the entire world
one of the girls from girls is his assistant who tracks down three teenage girls for him by making composite sketches of their faces just via his own memories of his dreams. also, they are all wearing masks in his dreams, so how he was able to define all their features is extremely unclear
the fact that spidey powers originated from an indigenous tribe in peru does retroactively imply that every spider person within the spiderverse canon is performing an egregious act of cultural appropriation
adam scott plays UNCLE BEN, but because sony doesn’t have the rights to say the name “peter parker,” they are constantly finding ways to imply that he is, in fact, ben parker without outright saying it. we do see peter parker being born (i guess this spiderman was born in 2003?), but i’m not sure why we’re supposed to care since all of the girls (apparently) seem to have way cooler powers than he does
that said, we only see the girls use their powers in dreamlike sequences of the future. at no point in the present timeline do any of them use their powers whatsoever. except anya does have the power to be a #WomanInSTEM, so good for her.
dakota johnson’s cassandra webb, or “cassie,” (very normal thing to name your daughter who has spider-fueled powers of prophecy btw) cares for a stray cat who represents her own role as a “stray” as an orphan who grew up in the foster system (this is not subtle by the way, she literally says to the cat “gotta look out for fellow strays”). to illustrate that she is secretly a warm, nurturing woman despite her aloof and awkward veneer, this cat’s name is literally “cat.”
the villain of this movie never actually explains his motivation for seeking power beyond the fact that he had a difficult childhood. no details of his childhood are ever revealed. he is not given a single redeeming quality or even a reason to care about him. he is played by césar-winning and bafta-nominated actor tahar rahim in what i can only describe as the worst performance i have ever seen outside of a middle school play. he dies after being crushed by a giant letter S from a pepsi sign. you know. like a bug.
it’s never really explained why being bitten by a spider gives one prophetic visions, beyond the tenuous notion that to see the future is to “weave a web” of sorts. however, despite the fact that we establish that the villain can also see the future, despite having been bitten by the same magical species of spider, he never once is able to predict the future when it counts, such as foreseeing that he should dodge a falling giant letter S.
there’s an extended sequence dedicated to establishing that cassie’s colleague (who later dies in an ambulance crash) cannot grill for shit. as she sips from a refreshing can of pepsi-cola®️, she lambasts him for fucking up their burgers. this is the only piece of characterization they establish for him before he dies.
at the beginning of the movie, cassie receives a very earnest drawing done by a small child in thanks for saving his mother (she’s a paramedic). cassie very awkwardly refuses to accept the drawing, kind of just makes one continuous whine with the corners of her mouth until the entire family is weirded out enough to leave, and then complains that she has no idea what to do with the drawing, and will probably throw it out. we are meant to like this woman, probably.
cassie is a professional paramedic, but a hobbyist car crasher. she drives not one, but two stolen vehicles through the walls of buildings throughout the film, and it seems to be her go-to strategy in any fight.
cassie is allowed to fly internationally despite concurrently being very publicly wanted for the alleged abduction of three teenage girls. we never see her move through the airport despite the film heavily focalizing the issue of mass surveillance and preemptive criminalization in 2003 new york city, so i guess it just isn’t an issue for her. yet another win for white privilege
after cassie experiences a near-death incident on the job that triggers her latent powers of prophecy, her doctor recommends that she take the week off to get some rest and “watch old movies.” cassie clearly considers this to be sound medical advice, as in the consecutive scene, she is shown to be watching an early version of a christmas carol (in the middle of summer) and clearly feels a strong enough bond with scrooge that she feels comfortable speaking to him through the screen as if he were an old friend.
cassie has a vision of her mother researching spiders in the amazon before she died, and almost immediately yells “WHY DID YOU HATE ME!!!!”
cassie’s quest to save three teenage girls she doesn’t know ultimately results in the deaths of many more people, including multiple cops, train passengers, diner patrons, chopper pilots and people she may or may not have hit with her stolen taxi and/or stolen ambulance. but at least julia, mattie, and anya are safe!
after cassie is blinded and paralyzed(?), her entire personality does a 180 and she becomes a very creepy, ominous woman who serenely predicts the near future of her three adopted teenage girls, illuminated by a giant, weblike window. this is all done in service of setting up the sequel that sony clearly assumes is a given.
cassie attends her colleague/best friend’s sister’s baby shower (who happens to be played by emma roberts, and who also happens to be peter parker’s mother) and is for some reason corralled into playing some baby shower games, including “describe your fondest memory of your mother on a small strip of blue paper” (which cassie deliberately leaves blank, leading to a very awkward explanation of her mother having died in childbirth, but don’t worry, you’ll be fine) and “guess the name of my baby” (which is never actually revealed, because sony apparently has the rights to the name ben, but not peter).
anyone else really craving a nice refreshing can and/or glass bottle of pepsi-cola®️ rn, or is that just me?
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the pjo show’s cinematography is so warm and homey and clever and detail-oriented so i wanna compile a few of my favourite still shots because why not??
^this one had me smiling so hard, not because it’s a particularly beautiful shot but the framing of the three is so well done. the focus is on sally who is talking to grover (both prominently in the front of the shot) while percy – who isn’t a part of the conversation but a listener of it – is still properly visible through the glass of the door and like??? i just think it’s a super cool way of having a passive character in the shot that i haven’t ever seen before, in a way that percy is both highlighted and still so clearly in the background that it doesn’t take away from the focus characters. also percy’s sweater matching the colours on the door is the cherry on top!!
^next is this one. it’s so perfectly angsty and though not complete, the symmetry is still eye-catching. it encapsulates the feeling percy must experience in that moment–him, amidst destruction, knowing he’s the cause but not knowing how or why. he looks all of twelve with his haphazard hoodie and almost forlorn look. he is not gloating, he is not cheerful. though he doesn’t know the gravity of his parentage, it’s almost like the show is telling us that his powers–which cause the door to break, too btw–will always be a source of isolation for percy. he is a force of nature, a destructive one most of the time, and the fact that he is just a child who is confused will never matter because this world doesn’t care for childhood but godhood alone.
idk, this shot just evokes a very unsettling kind of sadness for me. i think it’s beautifully framed.
^i absolutely love this one simply for the fact that the sheer struggle of the fight is so prominently visible. and yes, i cheated, this isn’t exactly a still shot but like an action sequence screenshot but whatever, it’s too good to not mention it here. the way percy is, honest to gods, bracing against the spear for his dear life, the evident and overwhelming rage on clarisse’s face, the blocking of the scene – it’s perfect. clarisse is not playing and percy is genuinely in danger and i love how this shot and the whole scene really sold us on that fact.
^ i just think it’s extremely cool that we can see the minotaur howling in pain, percy having his mouth wide open as if he’s letting out a yell as he goes to plunge the horn and that as percy does this act–killing the minotaur–which is surefire source of safeguarding himself and grover, something that will get him to camp, we can see thalia’s tree in the background. there is no reason percy had to make the kill here, with the chaos of the fight, so the fact that this is the spot and this is the shot as he kills the minotaur makes me think it’s deliberate. having thalia in the background is so impactful because again, percy could have met a similar fate in some other alternate universe but here, he wins and he survives.
^ do i even need to explain??? the shot is pretty and beautiful and almost magical. percy, alone with a tin of fire, burning blue food and talking to his mother. maybe one thing i can point out is that the sally-percy bond has been heavily indicated through glowing lights since the start. if you recall, the “you are not broken” speech by sally was given in front of the warm, glowing headlights of the car and percy’s face was illuminated by that warmth just the same way it is illuminated by the tin-fire in the forest.
^ first, this is too fucking gorgeous. second, percy is wearing his red jacket again and this dream happened after he reached camp so in my opinion, this dream was initially a comfortable imagining of percy’s mind and was then hijacked by kronos but i could be wrong since i don’t clearly remember how they manifested in the books originally. nevertheless, it’s a great detail to have him wear the red jacket because even if he may not have it with him anymore, it’s still clearly something he holds dear – and might associate sally’s memories with.
also, the fact that percy seems to have alot of scenes with fire might be because as someone who can control water, fire can never truly be a source of danger for him and therefore, he can find comfort in its warmth unhindered, always?
^ how could i not love this epic moment? the trident is perfect, big and blue and grand and majestic. half the screen is water, obviously. but what makes this good shot a great one is that there is literally no one else directly near percy except annabeth. the campers are all far away and in this shot itself only annabeth remains close to percy, though she is fittingly on the land, observing the scene before her. remember how i said percy’s legacy promises isolation but this shot tells me that despite that, percy will have someone who he can count on to be by his side (also cool that even in the bathroom, annabeth was technically still near him, even if she was, well, stalking him) and maybe this is my delusional ass talking, but annabeth being here is foreshadowing for me. i just think it’s a choice to have this epic revelation where they could easily have had percy standing alone in the middle of the lake but no, annabeth is also there and not only because she’s the one who led to that revelation but because she’s someone who isn’t intimidated by percy’s parentage and still can be beside him.
^ i adore this shot because 1) it shows us just how young and tiny percy is and 2) it tells us that maybe that door is so fucking huge because it’s being inclusive of centaurs and other giants of their world. also, symmetry strikes again!!! the colours are so well balanced, not bright and vibrant but on the pastel side that indicates an aged feel to them.
and lastly,
^ i just find it funny that a private academy like yancy has an official vehicle that looks as beat up and terribly malfunctioning as this. 😭 like this half van was so out of place i literally goggled at the screen when it first appeared.
okay, i’m done for now. i also really liked the faceless sally scene in the start paralleling medusa’s eventual beheading but i already made a post about it. this legitmately only covers about 10% of the shots i wanted to talk about but these might be my favourites. this was long af so if you read the whole thing, mad respect to you.
#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#percy pjo#pjo#pjo fandom#pjo series#pjo tv show#pjo tv adaptation#walker scobell#pjo tv series#leah jeffries#cinemetography#direction#pjo tv spoilers#annabeth percy jackson#percabeth
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omg personal trainer joel is so good!!!!!!! can u pls pls pls do doctor!joel? :D
A/N: Can i offer you a bite of NURSE!Joel? IDK why, but I needed to write him.
Dark Nurse Joel (sex pollen)
<1k words / dark!Joel x f!reader
WARNINGS: nonconsensual sex pollen dosing, unsafe P in V, fingering, gaslighting, degradation. Three short scenarios, unedited chaos.
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Nurse Joel would look so fine in his turquoise scrubs with the sleeves almost too small. The pants would hug his ass. He would inject sex pollen into your IV bag and. . .
He’d stress that if you need anything at all, you just press that call button. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for a patient. He’d squeeze your hand and make eye contact, watching your pupils dilate with his charm and his touch. Then he’d leave the room before it takes effect and not come back until you’re so desperate you hit the call button. You’d be touching yourself when he came back in, and he’d act embarrassed for you, quickly closing the blinds and locking the door. “Whoa, whoa, what’s goin’ on, sugar?” He’d act caught off guard like he doesn’t know what to do.
He’d rest his big, masculine hand on your inner thigh as he “thinks” about what to do, then you’d move his hand where you want it and he’d groan when he feels how wet you are. He’d circle your clit lazily at first with two flattened fingers. “Fuck, sweetheart. This what ya need?” And you’d grab his hand and pant “inside, inside.” He’d take a deep breath then plunge his fingers into you with a shaky moan. Then he’d hold eye contact while he finger fucks you til you come.
Maybe he’d even agree to keep it a secret as long as you helped him out with the situation you just caused of him being rock-hard on the job and unable to continue his rounds until he comes. Then he might degrade you for being so desperate and he'd hold this over your head the rest of the time you're there.
OR . . .
He'd strap you to the hospital bed with leather restraints, wait for it to take effect, then casually come by and stand in the doorway with his huge arms crossed, watching you wake up feral. He’d close the door to your room and pretend to be looking at the paperwork on the back of the door while he waits for you to beg for it. “How ya feelin'?” he'd ask. You wouldn't know what to say. You'd ask him to let you out. “Afraid I can’t do that. Anything I can bring ya?” Your eyes would be glued to his crotch where a bulge is growing.
He’d gently pinch the hem of your hospital gown where it rests on top of your thighs. He’d slowly rub the cloth between his fingers as he asks darkly, “Anything I can do for ya?” You’d answer in a quiet sequence "ums" and "uhs" and he'd wait patiently as you to tried to find the words to ask your nurse to dick you down. Then you'd just reach for his cock. He wouldn't stop you. He'd sigh as you stroked it. Then when you grabbed his cock, he'd whisper “good girl,” then take it out.
He’d hold the rails of your bed while he joins you on it. He'd get between your knees and as you squirm and sweat with need. Then he’d shove himself into you and let you do most of the work, bucking up against him as he rocks into you. “This what ya needed?” He'd spread your legs wide open and hook your knees over the bed rails before finishing inside.
OR . . .
He’d lock the door and sit in the visitor chair and already have his dick out, stroking himself with ultrasound jelly he snagged from the supply room. Looking at you intensely as you wake up desperately cock hungry and when you see what he’s doing, it only gets more intense. You’d start trying to take your IV out and he’d quickly put his dick away and say “whoa, what are ya doin’, sweetheart?”
He’d come over to ‘help’ you as if he wasn’t jacking off in the corner five seconds ago. He’d gaslight you that you were having a dream. When you reached for his cock, he’d act nervous and reluctant and eventually act like he’s caving into your desperation. “Okay, okay, shit, I ain’t gonna turn ya down,” he’d say as he looked you up and down, marveling at your feral state. “But let’s bring this with us, hmm?” He’d help roll the IV across the room. He’d sit down in the visitor’s chair again and let you ride him, acting like he’s doing you a favor. Then when he's about to come he'd pull you down and make you milk his cock. Then afterwards, he'd act like you took advantage of him but kindly, he's not gonna report it.
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thanks for reading <333
oh and here's PT Joel if you're looking for him - personal trainer , part 2
#joel miller x reader#joel miller imagine#joel miller smut#dark!joel miller#nurse!joel miller#toxicanonymity ☠️#pervy!joel miller#perv!joel miller
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I did not like Jamie and Roy being weirdly sexist about Keeley and physically fighting one another over her, only to have no real conclusion to that storyline. First of all, they handled their jealousy over Keeley better in previous seasons when the two of them were rivals and had a lot of growing to do... which makes it seem like they randomly regressed in this episode after they've both matured and become friends. Which is just stupid.
And second of all, the dialogue was so sexist and uncomfortable at times, like Jamie using the video Keeley previously made for him as proof they were meant to be together, when that video is irrelevant to the topic at hand and led to her getting hurt earlier this season (which Jamie is well aware of). It's a gross thing to brag about. Or how Roy thought he had any right to tell Jamie to back off and acted like a one night stand was proof he and Keeley would definitely get back together.
Or how the two guys said they would 'let her' decide which of them she wanted to be with, without an ounce of self awareness about how sexist and presumptuous that was until she kicked them out of her house. But then, that was the end of it. No other conversations or conclusions to that conflict other than some vague background moments with no dialogue that may or may not have been a dream sequence.
What was the point of all the buildup of their intertwined relationships throughout the entire show if the payoff was going to be so... empty and unconcluded?
Don't get me wrong, I don't think any of them should have gotten together this soon, since Roy really needs to work on himself emotionally and Keeley needs to have some time to herself and focus on other areas of her life right now. Jamie is arguably in the best place for a relationship, but wouldn't have a partner ready for him in either (or both) of them right now. And I'm glad at least the stupid fight seemed to spark a realization in Roy that he had more growing to do.
But while I didn't need the three of them to declare their love for each other in the finale, I'm disappointed with the weirdly possessive, jealous behavior from Roy and Jamie as well as the lack of any real resolution, and think all of these characters deserved better after everything they've been through together and the growing they've all done.
#tedd lasso spoilers#ted lasso#roykeeleyjamie#roy kent#jamie tartt#keeley jones#ted lasso negativity#ted lasso meta#ted lasso finale
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Thinking (and crying) again about the three main endings of Signalis and their symbolism, specifically in how to obtain them.
If you act hesitantly, if you avoid enemies and always look out for yourself first by healing a lot and doing it immediately after getting injured, if you take your time speaking with NPCs and linger in the dream sequences, and if you try every door trying to get out, you get the Leave ending. It's too much. You can't do this anymore, it hurts too badly. You just want this nightmare to end.
If you rush through the game, if you ignore the NPCs and enemies and just try to get to the ending as fast as possible ignoring everything else, experiencing no pain or hurt nor understanding, you get the Memory ending. She doesn't remember you. Why would she? Do you remember her, truly? Perhaps, this is hell.
But. If you play aggressively, if you kill everything in your path that tries to stop you, if you get hurt and die and die again and keep going still, if you act like you mean it, like you WOULD DO ANYTHING, you get the Promise ending. You finally reach her. You can fulfil your promise. It destroys you, but she thanks you for it. It was time for this to end.
I am unwell
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SpongeBob is an Adult
I'm so sick and tired of people trying to say that SpongeBob is a child or that he was 13 when he was hired at the Krusty Krab. I swear does anyone actually watch the show? Look no further than Season 3, Episode 3: The Bully.
Mrs. Puff would NOT be his teacher if he was a child. He is a grown ass man who can't pass the driver's test. That's not THAT uncommon.
The argument I often see online is his (fictional) driver's license stating his date of birth as 7/14/1986. There are two problems with this. One: This is a dream sequence. (A rebuttal to this is that his license was shown again in season 2, but cartoons reuse assets all the time) Two: We don't know when the show actually takes place. Many shows don't take place in the same year as real life. Example: The Jetsons.
Season 1, episode 12: Employee of the Month. 43 months have passed, at least, with the 44th month being this episode. Three and a half years have passed AT MINIMUM since he was hired. This is still in season 1, mind you.
March 8, 2000 was when the episode aired. 10 months, 1 week after the Episode 1 airdate of May 1, 1999. These episodes do not go along with real time.
When people say he's a kid, they are not being literal. Figurative language has been around forever. They mean he has the heart and energy of a child while living his adult life. When Mr. Krabs calls him a kid, he is being dismissive and derisive. Krabs is an old man, to him, SpongeBob IS a kid, because he's so much older than him.
Squidward calls him a kid because he's just an asshole sometimes. It's like when someone dismisses someone else along the lines of "Shut up, you're like 12" even if the person is in their 30s.
Another problem I have with people insisting SpongeBob is a child is that he's very autistic-coded if not flat out autistic. To say he is a child is infantilizing autistic people who act the same way. My partner is this way, she is nearing 50 but she acts like a 10 year old. To say she's not an adult would be insulting at best and ableism at worst.
Need more proof? Season 1, episode 12: The Chaperone. SpongeBob mentions that he couldn't find a date to his junior prom. That means he finished his junior year of high school. At the very minimum, SpongeBob could be 17, but Pearl is 16 in that episode so that is VERY unlikely.
If I need to add more to this post, I will, but chances are the ones who need to read it never will.
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More crap about story rules
I dunno if this is helpful, but I read somewhere that Tumblr is just talking to yourself until someone goes, "Oh, I like this," so here goes. It helps me to get this sort of stuff out and be able to reference back to it.
I'm a novelist. I write speculative fiction, primarily urban fantasy with a dollop of mythopoeia (wanting to lean more towards the mythopoeia, but anyway). Neil is definitely a role model of mine, and has been since I was 19. Terry came a little later for me, in my mid-twenties. I'd read Good Omens by then, but believed Neil had a heavier hand in it than Terry did (Ha!). Once I finally picked up some Discworld, I was hooked for life.
I also recently learned I have ADHD, so not only is traditional institutional academia not my thing, I also have trouble sussing out meaning and details from things unless I have specific instructions on where to look. Once I have that in hand, I often go on a tear and find things that I never imagined were there, and frequently surprise not only myself but others. But I absolutely have to have that first step laid out for me in order to make more of my own.
When I first started writing in the 80s (yes, I'm old), I started looking around for the elusive "story structure" I'd heard about vaguely from other writers. I really couldn't find anything written down about what constitutes the steps of a story, the journey a hero must take for a story to be told start to finish. The other writers I'd heard discuss it didn't have concrete ideas for me (lots of hand-waving and "oh, you know"s), so I figured I'd find it in a book somewhere.
I found a little something about structure from Greek philosophy, but that mainly boiled down to stories needing a "beginning, middle, and end," like, duh, and not a lot about what made those three parts up. As a very basic story-telling model, it is incredibly concrete and important, but it's something we've known for thousands of years by now so it doesn't exactly light up the night sky with insight anymore. It's become such common knowledge that it almost doesn't seem like knowledge. I found more from Joseph Campbell, but a lot of what I found written by him was very airy and sort of dream-like, and hard to follow. So I gave up and muddled along the best I could.
About ten years ago now, I decided to try again, and found a whole ton of stuff written about story structure, from Greek philosophy decoded to Shakespear's five-act structure to The Hero's Journey first talked about by Joseph Campbell to modern Hollywood 3-act structure. Around about 2010 there was an explosion of work done on story structure, and damn if it wasn't eye-opening.
My favorite book so far on structure is The Story Grid by Shawn Coyle, because he has broken down all the various types of structure into very concrete, easy-to-comprehend steps that make sense. He talks about exactly where there is wiggle room, exactly where there is not, the general shape of a story in comparison to the general shape of the five stages of grief, what precisely constitutes a scene and what the sequence of scenes has to be to tell a whole, complete story. (In case you're interested, my next favorite book on structure is Save the Cat! Writes a Novel. It fills in a few holes that The Story Grid misses, and together they make a beautifully complete map of how to tell a good story.)
My favorite, in particular, are the Five Commandments of Storytelling. Each scene, each act (however many you want, I like 4), and the story as a whole, all have to follow the Five Commandments. These are elements that have to be present for a scene to work, and for a story to reach its beginning, middle, and end satisfactorily.
Inciting incident. This is something that happens that forces the main character to change course, take action. It has to be either an Act of God, or another character acting on the main character.
Progressive complications. The main character forms a plan to put life back in order and tries it, but is blocked. They have to regroup and form a new plan. Threes in storytelling are always good, but the main character must be blocked until they reach the Turning Point Complication, where they realize that in order to move forward and have a hope of getting where they want, they must make a hard choice. Often the hard choice is that they must do The One Thing They Didn't Want to Do, though the introduction of new information will drive this decision as well. New information can come from another character, or be realized by the main character as a result of the action.
Crisis. They reach the decision point, where they must choose one thing over another. The decision must be between two irreconcilable good things, where they can't have both; or the lesser of two evils, where they can't escape both. The Crisis can also be boiled down to a "what will they do?" question. They're going to have to pick, but they're going to resist before they choose, and that creates tension which keeps the reader invested.
Climax. They make their choice. It's really that simple. They pick.
Resolution. The consequences of their choice are laid out. In a scene, this means the inciting incident of the next scene is introduced because of the character's choice; in an overall story, this leads to the end of the tale where our hero emerges, having learned whatever it was that the author deemed they needed to learn.
For example, Aziraphale is listening to music when a knock comes at the door. (Inciting incident) He forms and enacts a plan -- answer the door, probably hoping to get rid of whoever it is quickly. It's Gabriel. (Complication) He forms and enacts a new plan -- find out what Gabriel is doing here. Gabriel says he doesn't know. (Complication) Gabriel asks to come in. (Complication) Aziraphale forms and enacts a new plan -- tell Gabriel no. Gabriel says oh-kay and turns to the people on the street. (Turning point complication) Now Aziraphale has two bad choices -- bring Gabriel inside, or leave him to wander naked around Whickber street doing God only knows what. (Crisis) He chooses what he thinks is the lesser of two evils -- he tells Gabriel to get in. (Climax) Now Gabriel, possibly Aziraphale's worst enemy, is inside his home, the book shop. (Resolution) And because this is a scene, this Resolution is also the inciting incident of the next scene.
This can go different routes, as when the inciting incident rouses curiosity or creates a promise of something the character wants, instead of inflicting discomfort -- although if a character wants something bad enough, deciding to say no to pursuing it could inflict discomfort, so that counts, too. The inciting incident just means that something happens so that the main character can no longer keep living life as it was. Something has to change, and they have to change it. In the end, it all boils down to something outside the main character knocking them off course, them deciding how to try to get back on course and failing, and what happens as a result. (Beginning, middle, end!)
A good way to create a mystery is to hide the Inciting Incident from the readers/viewers. Or at least, the Inciting Incidents of certain character and scenes. In the above example, we see Aziraphale's Inciting Incident, but we don't see Gabriel's until episode six.
I believe we haven't seen the Inciting Incident of Crowley and Aziraphale's storyline for season 2. It seems like Gabriel showing up is the Inciting Incident for the entire season, but I believe his arrival is a Complication, not the Inciting Incident. As far as what the original Inciting Incident was, well, first and foremost, the Resolution of season 1 would naturally lead into the Inciting Incident of season 2, just as a scene would do for the scene following it. So there's one Clue. As for the answer -- we just have to keep looking where the furniture isn't.
I hope this story breakdown was interesting to someone. I find it completely fascinating, but I am a story nerd, so maybe what I like and find interesting isn't up everyone's alley.
Cheers!
#good omens#good omens 2#story structure#scene breakdown#the five commandments of storytelling#the story grid#story nerd#looking where the furniture isn't
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Wish We Could Be Like That
Pairing: WandaNat x fem!Reader
Words: 5k~
Summary: Your relationship with Natasha and Wanda is a secret, but does it have to be?
Based on the song “Secret Love Song” by Little Mix
A/N: This was originally gonna be a one shot, but I got a little carried away. So I’ve broken it into 3 parts. This is my first time writing for the MCU. It’s also my first time writing a reader insert… so please be gentle :)
********Font Cheat Sheet:********
~Song Lyrics~
*thoughts*
Dream Sequence
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Part One Part Two Part Three
“What will we say?” you ask your girlfriends of six weeks.
The three of you lay on the roof of the compound looking up at the night sky. Natasha lies on her back with you pressed close to her side, head resting on her shoulder. Wanda curls around you with an arm wrapped around your waist from behind.
You’ve had the compound to yourselves for the past two months. The rest of the team being off on a lengthy mission.
A part of you expected to spend the two months as a permanent third wheel without the rest of the team there, but that lasted half a day. Really, you should have expected as much. You had been drawn to both of them from the moment you joined the team a year ago. Quickly you had bonded with the women and they became your close friends. But now, you were basically living alone with the world’s most perfect couple, and the rest of the team wasn’t here to act as a buffer when needed. However, it wasn’t awkward at all. The three of you instantly fell into a comfortable rhythm. There wasn’t a couple… plus you. It was just the three of you.
Two weeks into the two months, the two of them asked you to join their relationship.
The weeks since have been like a perfect dream. But unfortunately, that dream that is coming to a close. You had avoided the conversation as long as you could, but now it was inevitable. Tomorrow the rest of the team will be returning, and your momentary solace will end. When they left, Natasha and Wanda were in a relationship, engaged to each other, and you were very much single. Now, they are returning to the three of you as a trio. As much as you don’t want to admit it, the thought terrifies you.
“We can just tell them,” Natasha answers. Her hand tangles with yours.
“But what will they say?” you worry. You trust the team to be accepting, but fear still creeps in the back your head.
Poly relationships aren’t exactly common. That was the reason the three of you had danced around your feelings for so long. You had originally buried your feelings for the two of them. They were in a very committed relationship after all. You were convinced that pursuing the pair would lead to a mess that would leave you without two of your closest friends. You didn’t even know this was an option until the two of them approached you. When they kissed you, nothing had ever felt so right. Still, you have no idea how the team will react.
“What will they think? I mean… to them, you two have been together for years… you’re engaged, and all of a sudden I’m just an extra who came out of nowhere and-“
“Hey hey,” Wanda interrupts. She lifts her head, looking down at you tenderly, “detka, we talked about this…”
The two redheads had gotten engaged only a few weeks before you joined the team. The moment they saw you, you took their breath away. When they really got to know you, their feelings only grew. After months of quiet pining and a couple long conversations later, they had decided to pause their wedding plans to pursue you as a third member to their relationship.
Working up the courage to talk to you about their feelings proved to be much harder than they expected. Two months alone with you in the compound seemed like a sign from the universe that now is the right time. After you admitted feelings of your own, they knew they had made the right decision. You know the length of their relationship before they kissed you has no bearing on how much they care for you. They’ve spent hours reassuring you of that, but insecurities still take root in the back of your mind.
“No, I know, I know,” you’re quick to reassure Wanda. The Sokovian rests back on the blanket again, pressing her cheek to the back of your head. Her arm around your waist tightens, and the closeness calms you, “… I’m just saying…”
“So, we don’t tell them,” Wanda offers. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. That option doesn’t feel right either.
A part of you would be relieved not to face the reactions of your team yet. There’s another part of you that knows with complete certainty that this relationship is what you have been looking for your entire life. How can you possibly keep that a secret?
Silence stretches between the three of you. Your breathing lines up. It’s the kind of unity the three of you found in your weeks of privacy. The way you just meld together seamlessly.
Natasha is the one to break the silence, “…I get it...” You look up to her, silently asking her to ellaborate, “this thing we have is still new… Don’t get me wrong! It’s amazing… and beautiful and waaayyy long overdue…”
The last part pulls a big hum of agreement from Wanda, and you chuckle at the two of them.
“…but its new. We’re still figuring it out ourselves. The thought of someone else ruining it before its really began is scary.” You nod against her shoulder. She presses a kiss to your head, “We don’t have to say anything yet, not until we’re ready.”
There’s relief in knowing that you aren’t the only one worried about the team’s reaction. You lean up, grabbing her lips in a kiss. After a moment, a whine escapes Wanda’s lips. The sound makes you chuckle, and you’re forced to break the kiss with Nat. You turn to find the most pitiful pout on the Sokovian’s face. You roll your eyes before kissing her already puckered lips. The kiss is slow and gentle. When you break the kiss, she bumps her nose against your cheek. The three of you settle back into each other.
“For now…” Wanda grins, but you can’t see it, “we get to keep you all to ourselves.” At the last word, she begins tickling you. Nat joins in. Their fingers dance along your sides, as you thrash between them. After making you beg, they finally relent. You rest against each other again. Your girlfriends both press a kiss to your head.
You relish this time with your girlfriends while you can. Keeping your relationship a secret wasn’t ideal, but you know the three of you will figure it out together.
~We keep behind closed doors.~
You walk into the common area to grab something to eat before you begin mission prep. Your eyes immediately find Wanda cooking breakfast in the kitchen. Last week you would have gone to her, wrapping your arms around her waist from behind, burying your face into her neck. But that was last week before there were more eyes than just yours around. The rest of the team returned to the compound three days ago, and you are still struggling to adjust. Not able to reach out for your girlfriends the same way you could when you three were here alone.
You survey the room. Sam sits at a table, tinkering with Red Wing. Yelena and Kate sit at another table working on mission reports. With a sigh, you go to pour yourself a cup coffee. Mug in hand, you lean against the counter next to Wanda, sure to leave an appropriate amount of distance to be considered friends. “Morning,” you smile as you bring your cup to your lips.
She turns to you with a large smile, “Good morning *detka*,” you hear her add the name silently in your mind, and it makes you smile wider. “What are you up to today?”
“Mission prep this morning,” you say, and you don’t miss the way the corners of her mouth turn down at the statement. You leave tomorrow morning. This was your first mission without one of them since you’ve been together, and neither of your girlfriends are happy about it, especially it being a solo mission. You continue with your plans for the day, hoping to distract her, “then I’m training with Nat before lunch. This afternoon, I’m supposed to meet Tony in the lab. Then of course there’s movie night tonight. You’ll be there right?”
“Of course,” she looks up for a moment to smile at you, before continuing her task. You stay there, content to watch her cook. A loose strand of hair falls into her face, and you fight the urge to tuck it behind her ear. To say you’re mesmerized is an understatement. You clear your throat to grab her attention. Then, you think loud enough for her to hear, *you look beautiful today, baby.* You smirk as a blush fills her cheeks.
Just then Steve and Natasha enter the kitchen, back from their morning run. The widow’s gaze instantly land on the two of you in the kitchen, both her girls in the same place. She makes her way over. She greets Wanda first. “Hello moya lyubov,” she wraps her arms around the younger woman, pulling her chin in for a quick kiss. You look away from the moment too private to be witnessed by a “friend”. You try to hide the frown of wanting a good morning kiss too. You know that keeping your relationship a secret was the right move, but that didn’t make it sting any less. “Good morning y/n,” Natasha’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. You look up to find the Russian looking at you with nothing short of adoration. Wanda continues cooking, this moment a private one of your own for just you and Natasha.
The look in her green eyes has the corners of your lips turning up in a smile, “good morning. Are we still on for training later today?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
~Every time I see you, I die a little more.~
In your defense, it started off as training.
You’re sparring with Natasha. It was the third go when she caught you in a hold with your back held tightly to her front. You try to twist out of her grip to no avail. After two more attempts, you know that she has won this round. ‘If you can’t beat them…’ you think as you push your hips back, devilishly rubbing yourself against her center.
In an instant, she turns you attaching her lips to your neck. Training in one of the spare gyms gives her confidence. Its smaller than the gym reserved for the Avengers that you typically use, but, that gym is open to the entire team at all times. You two had witnessed firsthand two days ago the danger of training in such a public place. You were nearly caught several times, by wayward glances and surprise entrances.
Glancing to the door, your hesitation lasts for less than a moment. You drag her face up to yours, grabbing her lips with your own. You moan into her mouth, finally getting to kiss her. You’ve had increasingly less chances to do so since the rest of the team returned. You’ve missed this, and the grip she has on your hips makes you believe she has too.
Neither of you are paying attention when the door to the gym slides open. Like the snap of a rubber band, the two of you separate. Natasha walks to the edge of the sparring mat, nonchalantly reaching for her water bottle like she is taking a swig between sparring rounds. Taken by surprise, you do the only thing that comes to mind. You turn away from her and whoever just walked in the door, doubling over in faux pain, “God Nat, that one hurt. Ever heard of pulling your punches while you spar?”
“Cute.”
You turn around quickly to find Wanda standing in the doorway. She sports an unimpressed, but ultimately amused smirk, “nice save.” You sag in relief, glancing over at Nat who wears a similar look of relief. Though she quickly smiles, shaking her head at your antics. After an awkward moment of the three of you standing in silence, Wanda taunts the two of you, “oh please, don’t stop on my behalf.”
You roll your eyes and turn back to your Sokovian girlfriend, “you come to join in?”
Wanda shakes her head. “No,” making her way into the gym, she leans against the wall, “I just came to enjoy the view.” She waves her hand. A red mist appears by the door, locking it to anyone from the outside. The satisfied look on her face makes you chuckle, and Nat is on you instantly, reattaching herself to your neck. Your eyes close at the feeling, all you hear is your heart pounding in your ears and Wanda’s giggles from the other side of the room.
~Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls.~
Everyone is gathered in the living room, and by everyone you mean everyone. Team wide movie night was not an activity to be taken lightly. You barely all fit into the room, but you do fit. Every member of the team scattered across couches, chairs and the floor, huddled around the same large screen Tony had installed for this purpose.
Since you were leaving on a solo mission in the morning, everyone agreed to let you pick the first movie. Of course, you pick y/f/m. You settle on the floor between Yelena and Peter, adding your own commentary and jokes all throughout the movie.
About half way through the movie, you can feel eyes on you. Slowly, you take a peak at the rest of the group, until your eyes fall on the couch on the complete opposite side of the room. You lock eyes with two particular red heads across the room. Everyone else is engrossed in your movie selection, but they only have eyes for you.
Of course, they aren’t paying attention to the movie. They’ve seen it, a few times actually, during your time alone in the compound. They know the story, the characters, the plot. Tonight, they’d much rather watch you as your face lights up at your favorite lines or the smile you crack when you make the same jokes they’ve heard. Smiling in adoration, they just soak up the sound of your laugh and the feel of your joy from a far.
When your eyes meet theirs and they know they are caught, they only smile wider. Wanda scrunches her nose, and Natasha winks at you: a silent hello from each.
You have to duck your head to hide the blush and smile creeping across your face.
You look at them once more, and you try to ignore the ache in your chest. Seeing them curled up on the couch together, sharing a blanket, practically sitting in each other’s laps. Everything in you screams to go join them. That’s your spot right? …next to them?
You feel the itch of tears gathering in your eyes, so you turn you attention back to the movie, praying to any god above that no one, especially your girlfriends, notices the shift in your demeanor.
~It’ll never be enough.~
“Call us whenever you get a chance,” Natasha requests… again.
“I will,” you reassure her… again. “Jeez, you’re acting like this is some long scary deep-undercover mission,” you try to lighten the mood.
The quinjet is wheels up in ten minutes, and your girlfriends have pulled you into their room for one last goodbye before you go.
“It’s barely a week,” you repeat, “I’ll be back before you have a chance to miss me.”
Wanda cups your cheek with her hand, “we miss you already.” The sincerity in her eyes wipes away any smart ass remark you could make. You lean forward to kiss away the concern on her face.
“I’ll be careful,” you rest your forehead on the Sokovian’s. You try to catch her eyes, but she keeps them screwed shut. Like if she doesn’t open them, then you won’t go. You turn your head to Natasha who has attached herself to your side, “I promise.” You lean in to capture her lips in a last kiss. When you pull back, they wrap you in a hug so tight, it feels like they are trying to memorize the way you fit perfectly between them.
You can’t help but think that this is where you belong.
~Its obvious you’re meant for me.~
~Every piece of you it just fits perfectly.~
You return a day early, working a little faster so you could get back to your girls.
You descend the steps to the laundry room. There’s a basket full of mission clothes tucked under your arm, but you could care less about laundry at the moment. The real reason you ventured here is already at the bottom of the steps.
Your curiosity peaks at the music that fills the air. It’s normally silent down here. You round the corner, and then you see her.
You knew you would; Friday said you would find her down here. You still revel in the sight: Wanda, all by herself, dancing slightly to the beat as she folds laundry. The piece of clothing she’s holding looks odd against the rest of her and Nat’s clothes. Its familiar and you tilt your head slightly. You can’t stop the question from escaping your mouth, “is that my sweatshirt?”
The sokovian completely freezes, except her head which turns to you rapidly. Her wide eyes take you in, “Y/n?” Her jaw drops open. The garment falls from her hands completely forgotten. You barely have enough time to drop your basket before she launches herself into you. “You’re back!” she exclaims, throwing her arms around your shoulders, clutching you to her chest.
All you can do is laugh and hold her, “I’m back.” You stay there, breathing in her scent as she buries herself into your neck. When her grip does start to loosen, you pull back to kiss her. Its starts as a simple hello kiss, but she quickly pulls you in to deepen it. When she swipes her tongue against your lip, you open your mouth. You allow her this moment. You know full well that if the roles were reversed you would need the same. She takes her time, exploring your mouth like she’s missed the past five days, not stopping until the need to breathe is too much for the both of you.
Your girlfriend sighs, holding you close to her, foreheads resting together. “Does Nat know?” she asks.
You nod, “she met me in medical.” At that, Wanda pulls away from you. She opens her eyes to fully take you in, scanning you for injuries. That’s when she notices the cut and stitches right at your hairline. You see the moment her eyebrows knit further together, but you stop her. “It’s nothing, baby,” you smile and kiss away the frown on her lips, “I’m fine, I promise.” You kiss her twice more.
Wanda eyes the injury once more before she sighs and nods, “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” you bump her nose with yours, a playful glint in your eyes, “those were some pretty sweet dance moves.”
The redhead rolls her eyes and tries to push you away.
“No seriously,” you stop her, holding her close as you begin to sway to the music that’s still playing through the speakers, “how’d that go again?”
It takes another minute of coaxing, but eventually you get Wanda dancing. The two of you twist and twirl around the room. Its complete bliss to be in each other’s presence again without a care in the world. It reminds you of when it was simple during those weeks you had alone without the prying of outside eyes. The upbeat song fades and a slower melody takes its place. You grab Wanda’s hand twirling her away from you, before pulling her back. Your arm wraps around her waist. Together you sway side to side.
Standing chest to chest, you stare into each other’s eyes, “you didn’t answer my question.” She tilts her head in confusion. You chuckle, “is that my sweatshirt?”
Wanda’s cheeks flush instantly, and she ducks in slight embarrassment. “It smelled like you.” Your heart melts, and you bring her in to kiss you again.
The kiss lasts only a few seconds, before the sound of footsteps on the stairs has you pulling from each other.
Wanda returns to the forgotten piece of clothing she was folding when you entered. You retrieve your own basket of clothes forgotten at the bottom of the steps.
As you grab it, you glance up to see Clint pause halfway down, a bag of laundry thrown over his shoulder. You ignore the quirk of his eyebrow. “Hey Clint,” you turn and make your way to an open washing machine.
“Hey y/n,” he makes his way down the stairs and enters, assessing the room immediately. You desperately try to calm your pacing heart and act normal. You’re sure that you’re caught when you feel the archer’s eyes on you. You chance a glimpse at Wanda. She looks as composed as ever… almost like nothing even happened.
~Every second, every thought I’m in so deep,~
“Had enough yet?” you taunt Nat as you have her pinned faced down on the sparring mat. It’s the first time you’ve trained together since returning from your mission. You’ve been cleared by Dr Cho weeks ago, but Natasha still refused to spar until today. She’s been going easy on you the whole time. It was cute at first, but now you just want a real fight. So, you’ve resorted to antagonizing it out of her.
Apparently, it’s working.
With one swipe of her foot, she breaks out of your grasp. In an instant, your back hits the ground. Your girlfriend is practically straddling you. One knee digs into your hip, her other leg holds yours at uncomfortable angle. Your right arm is twisted and trapped between your back and the mat. Natasha holds your left wrist tightly above your head. Her other hand grabs your throat. “This better?” she hovers above you. Mockingly, she looks down with a satisfied smirk, “this what you wanted? To lose?”
“I don’t know,” you confidently lift your head closer to her, “you on top of me feels an awful lot like a win.” You watch her pupils blow wide open with lust. She looks like she is about to devour you when the sound of the door opening stops you both. Only you can hear the quiet growl that she emits.
For a moment, you return to sparring. You try to break out of the hold, but instantly know it’s no use. You tap the mat, and Nat releases you from the hold. She stands offering you a hand, and you allow her to pull you to your feet.
Turning, you find Yelena entering the gym, eyeing the two of you. “There you are, sestra,” the blonde barely spares you a glance, “y/n y/l/n.” You nod in her direction, trying to hide your confusion at the sudden cold shoulder from one of your closest friends.
If Nat picks up on it, she doesn’t show it, “here I am. What’s up?” You take this opportunity to let out some frustration on a punching bag while your girlfriend and her sister speak.
“I’m taking Kate out for dinner tonight,” the younger woman says, “I thought you and Wanda could join. It would be like a… what is it called? A… duo dinner… thing…”
“A double date?” the redhead asks.
The blonde throws a hand up, “yes! That! A double date!”
“Tonight?” Natasha’s eyes flick over to you to see if you had heard any of that. When your eyes meet, she knows that you did. You can see the hesitation in her expression. She’s gaging your reaction knowing the two of you and Wanda already had plans to spend the evening together.
You had planned the entire date, not telling them where you were going or what you were doing. It’s the first real date you’ve been able to go on in weeks. Between missions and training, there hasn’t really been a chance for all three of you to sneak out of the compound at the same time. To say you were looking forward to it is an understatement.
“I already have plans tonight, Lena,” the older sister tries to object.
Yelena throws her heads back and lets out a groan, “No! What plans??” She waits, but doesn’t get an answer. She steps closer to her sister, “just cancel, please sestra. I need you there. Our last date was a disaster, I need you and Witchy as a buffer just in case I put my foot in my mouth.”
Nat throws another look your way. You both know that Yelena isn’t gonna let this go. You sigh and put on your best smile, ‘Its ok’ you mouth. Silently giving her permission to say yes. The redhead’s usual cool expression slips for less than a second; in that moment, guilt drips from her face.
As quick as it appears, its gone again, but not before Yelena notices the shift in her sister’s attention. She glances over her shoulder, but you’ve already returned to attacking the punching bag. The younger widow turns back to her sister who’s composed expression is back in place, “come on, Tasha, please.”
The older woman rolls her eyes and shakes her head playfully, “What time?”
You continue your assault on the punching bag while the two sisters continue to talk on the other side of the gym. Your hands begin to hurt from the force you’re putting behind your punches. You know they’ll be bruised tomorrow. You’re not mad at Natasha. It’s not her fault, and you told her it was ok. Hell, you’re not even mad at Yelena for wrecking the date you have been planning for two weeks. You’re just frustrated at the whole situation. This wouldn’t be an issue if you could just accompany your girlfriends on this double date, but that’s not an option.
Five minutes later, the two widows have discussed all the details of the evening. Yelena runs out of the gym to begin getting ready for the date, barely waving goodbye to you as she leaves. The moment the door closes behind her, Natasha makes her way over to you. “I’m so sorry, Malyshka,” she stands behind the punching bag, holding it still while you continue to take swings. When you don’t say anything, she speaks quickly, “look, we don’t have to go.”
You laugh, “yes, you do.” You stop your work out and look up at her, “you just told Yelena you would go.”
“I can cancel. I’ll tell her Wanda is sick,” she counters, “we can still go on our date.”
You raise an eye brow at her, “and when she sees both of you walking out of the compound later tonight?” The red head opens her mouth to argue, but you stop her. “Hey babe, look at me. Its ok. I promise, its fine,” you reach out for her hands. You try to muster the most reassuring smile you can, despite the disappointment you feel. You were really looking forward to tonight, but you hate the sad look on Nat’s face. You can’t bear to add to the guilt she is feeling. “We can go on our date another night, and it will be just as perfect,” you shrug. You bring her hands to your lips and kiss them in a way that you hope is reassuring.
“Are you sure?”
You roll your eyes now, “yes babe, I’m sure.” You lean forward to kiss her gently, doing all you can to convince her its ok. You pull back, but leave your foreheads together. “Now,” you look at your girlfriend and wait for her to open her eyes. When she meets your gaze, you smirk playfully. Quickly you turn her towards the door, “go tell Wanda, so the two of you can get ready for your date.”
She doesn’t budge.
“Go,” you slap her ass, “have fun. I’ll be here when you get back.”
That makes her move. The widow jumps and makes her way to the door, “ok, ok. Can we come see you later tonight?” She looks back you one more time with a smile, “we’ll bring you dessert.”
You throw her a mischievous wink, “you are dessert.”
~But I’ll never show it on my face.~
Once she’s gone, you drop the facade. Your smile falls, and you clench your jaw. You focus back on the punching bag, and you don’t even try to pull your punches. Letting out the frustration with each hit. You don’t register the pain until you see red smearing on the surface of the bag. You pause, looking down to find your knuckles split and bloody.
“Shit.”
On your way to medical to have Cho take a look at your torn knuckles, the sound of your girlfriends’ voices stop you in your tracks. Their whispering is hushed, and you know you should probably not be listening in on their private moment. Still, you listen silently from around the corner.
“No.”
“Moya lyubov-“
“No Nat,” Wanda insists, “we’re not doing that.”
The widow tries to reason with her, “Malyshka, its already been arranged. It’s decided.”
“I don’t care. I’m deciding. I am not going.” Wanda stands her ground, “We haven’t gone out all together in almost a month. I am not canceling the date with y/n to go on one without her.”
“Wan, y/n already canceled our date.”
The younger woman pauses, “why?” You wince at the hurt in her voice.
“She was there when Yelena asked me. I couldn’t say no to Lena without telling her why we couldn’t go, so y/n told me to say yes,” Nat’s voice is laced with defeat. She wraps her fiancé in a hug to soothe her, “I told y/n we’d bring something home for her. We’ll go see her when we get back and spend all day tomorrow making it up to her.” She presses a kiss to the other woman’s head, “I don’t like it either, but this is how it is right now…..” Natasha releases a long sigh, “We need to get ready to go.”
Wanda’s shoulders slump and her voice breaks, “I don’t want to.”
At that, you decide you’ve heard enough. You turn and continue your trek to medical swallowing the lump in your throat. Fighting tears the whole way.
~But we know this. We got a love that is homeless.~
Part Two
Series Master List
#wandanat x reader#wandanat x y/n#wanda x reader#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha x reader#wanda maximoff x reader#natasha romanoff#wanda maximov#wlw#wanda x natasha#wandanat#fem!reader#wish we could be like that
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Hello! Not sure if I'm doing this right, but if you've not had the chance to share something for #4 for the smoke & mirrors AU, I'd love to read it!
"Ta-da!"
Graham steps back and waves his hands jazzily, revealing the baking soda volcano.
Boulder claps, grinning with delight. "Amazing," they say, leaning in to get a closer look. "And it's completely harmless to humans?"
"Completely," Graham assures them, smiling fondly as Boulder continues to investigate the volcano.
It's almost cute, how easy they are to impress. And Graham would be lying if he said he wasn't having a good time. Recreating old science experiments from his basic-level classes has been incredibly fun, and Boulder's enthusiasm for learning is absolutely infectious.
It reminds Graham of a time where his dream was to become a science teacher, and while things didn't work out that way upon discovering new passions, it's fun to pretend a little with Boulder.
Plus, all the rescue bots act like little kids sometimes. It's practically like teaching a class of regular kids when they're all present for these little demonstrations.
"-life size?"
"Huh?" Graham zones back in, meeting Boulder's gaze. "Sorry, what was that?"
"I was wondering if we could do a life-size volcano," Boulder patiently repeats, lightly tapping the side of the baking soda one. "With real lava."
"Boulder, we cannot set off a volcano," Graham says, trying to keep his tone light while also getting across how unbelievably awful of an idea that is. "Lots of people could get hurt! I can show you some documentaries on lava studies, though."
Boulder shakes their head. "No... maybe a small one then?"
"Huh?"
"A volcano with lava. But just this size." Boulder taps the baking soda volcano again, a little bit of "lava" gurgling over the edge. "It's not that hard to find, is it?"
Despite his better judgement, an idea is starting to form in Graham's head. "Yes," he says slowly, "we could probably pull that off."
Boulder's face lights up, and Graham is still questioning his life decisions as they rumble up the mountain to Doc Greene's lab.
"Hello!" Doc Greene shouts upon seeing them. "And how can I help you two today?"
"Well, I made Boulder a model baking soda volcano," Graham starts, waiting for the bot in question to finish their transformation sequence before continuing. "And they proposed the idea that we make a real volcano. Only model sized."
Doc Greene absolutely lights up, and Graham is sensing he's made a mistake.
"Oh, perfect!" Doc Greene claps his hands together. "I've been looking for an excuse to use my superheated oven again! Let's make some lava, my friends!"
Someone has to be the responsible one in this situation, and Graham is not it. The second the rocks in the oven turned from gray to orange he turned back into a kid again, giddy excitement bubbling up as he rushes to Boulder, scrambling up their back to lean over their shoulder as Doc Greene pours the lava into their little model.
"Move back!" Doc Greene commands. "We have about ten seconds before eruption!"
Boulder doesn't hesitate, grabbing Doc Greene by the scruff of his jacket and pulling Graham in front of them, creating a protective shield with just enough of a gap in their arms for the two humans to peek through.
And three! Two! One!
Lava sprays out over the top of the model, Boulder wincing as a few drops hit them, but Graham barely notices.
He’s only seen volcanic eruptions in movies and documentaries, but this. It’s absolutely gorgeous.
Their model erupts like firecrackers, each drop like a shooting star carrying every wish Graham has ever had as a scientist. An orange glow bathes all their faces, and it’s gone as soon as it came, bright to gray, not with a bang, but a soft sizzle.
Not for the first time, Graham wonders how he ever stepped out of his comfort zone without Boulder around.
#sorry about lack of answers I am sick#anyways have more of graham and boulder#secretly graham is my favorite human#I also took ap physics I understand his pain#transformers rescue bots#graham burns#tfrb boulder#woosh answers#s&m ask game#smoke and mirrors au#thanks for the ask!!
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My Review of Miraculous Awakening: The Movie:
Spoiler alert: yeah I'm more disappointed than pleased. Zag really should consider making something original with his own deviations of the original show instead of contaminating what was already good on its own.
More under the cut, because spoilers:
The Things I did like:
The animation and visuals were stunning. The transformation sequences, Marinette's dreams being visualised, Ladynoir's duet were all very beautiful to look at. I liked how the powers and power-ups glowed, even the background and setting was tastefully done. This movie is very cinematic to look at and watch. The character models were definitely better looking than the prototypes they showed us in 2021.
(Sadly it seems like all the 100M budget went into this alone)
The Ladynoir was so cute y'all. I'm sorry, I know there are several people who would disagree but I liked their dynamic, their bickering and all was funny, and their duet and dance took my breath away. Was it as earth-shattering and groundbreaking as the show's Ladynoir dynamic? Absolutely not. It definitely felt like I was watching two different characters who had to learn to not dislike each other (compared to how they got along so well and clicked since the day they met in Origins), and I did like that they made Marinette acknowledge her feelings for Chat as well as Adrien, but if I compartmentalise it from the show, I think it's fine enough. I'm not really conflicted about it if I look at it that way.
The things I'm conflicted about:
Marinette's arc was....generic. It reminded me of several coming-of-age arcs where the protagonist had to learn to face their fears and believe in themselves, yada yada yada. But it felt like the soul of the Marinette we all know was gone from movie!Marinette. What made Marinette Ladybug in the first place was that quiet but powerful moment in Origins where she transformed to save Chat Noir and Alya even though she was terrified. Marinette was shy and reserved in the beginning of Origins, but it seemed like that was all Zag ever comprehended. What makes Marinette a hero is that she didn't "just face her fears", it's that her love for the world is bigger than that fear. She's scared of disappointing and failing the world than failing herself. That little nuance was deeply missed in the movie. Oh and her mega-intelligent genius brain too. What happened to the girl who can build a box that bites that hand that tries to steal from her? Where are her zany, over complicated plans?
However the reason why I didn't put her completely in the dislike tier is because this girl is genuinely the only one in the movie carrying the combat on her back. She's the one saving people, she's the one actually using her powers, she's the one at least acting like a hero.
Marinette's singing voice was not suitable at all. Lou is technically a very good singer but she's unable to bring the life Christina Vee does to her voice. Idk why they needed a singing voice actor for Marinette, Christina Vee has a beautiful voice already. Three guesses as to why she wasn't used. (/s)
The musical numbers were, like I said earlier, nice and lovely to look at. But after them making Marinette sing for the third time about believing in herself and having no way out of "facing her destiny" it starts to get grating. In all that time, they could have used it to flesh out Adrien's character much more, or even work on the rules for the miraculous. I did like Hawkmoth's number, Chat's song about falling for Ladybug and Ladynoir's duet, but that's it.
The thing Germy Zag and his money hungry company fails to understand is that Miraculous Ladybug, or any version of it will fail as a musical is because the show is too plot and action-driven. There is always something that has to be shown visually or explained verbally, and unless they're willing to show that in song, instead of filling it up with pretty sequences, ML as a musical is never going to work.
Things I dislike:
The "Chosen One" trope is 100% the worst part of this movie. (The use of Careless Whisper is a close second)
The miraculouses in the show were jewels that were meant to be given to people who proved they good at heart, and had potential to be heroic. The earrings and the ring flying away to magically bond with their owners was just plain lazy writing. What makes Ladybug (well, to a certain extent, she is the Guardian now) and Chat heroes is that they can choose to give up their powers at any point, they can choose to give up, but they get up and fight anyway because they want to become good people, not because they were destined to.
Why was the butterfly miraculous described as "evil"? It was common sense to show it as a jewel that can be misused by bad people, not something that was essentially made to be misused. Why were the Ladybug and the Cat shown as rivals, and not two halves of a whole that complement each other?
And most importantly, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE LUCKY CHARM???
And on that note, what, may I ask, did Adrien to earn the ring? How did he meet Plagg? How was he convinced to put on the suit? Movie!Adrien is a complete disappointment, and he didn't even have any nice redeeming moments like Marinette did for me to tolerate his portrayal. One of the important (if not THE most important aspects) of Adrien is his kindness. What kind, selfless things do we see Adrien do? What brave things do we see him do, other than taking shots at the villains?
Chat Noir in the show was much more reckless and direct than Ladybug but we also always see him saving civilians, putting Ladybug first, putting the fight first even when he is not doing good emotionally (which is always). It just felt like a fan's surface-level understanding of who Chat Noir is: a few snarky lines put together and a huge ego.
And don't even get me started on how shallow the Love Square was portrayed. Or in other words, the two sides of it that Zag thinks is the most marketable. I really really hate how rushed Adrienette was, compared to Ladynoir. This is insane, because I never thought I'd have any opinion like that about any canon portrayal of the Love Square, but it's true. Why did Marinette fall for Adrien? Because he awkwardly helped her up? Why did Adrien find Marinette's quirks weird when he's never ever done that in the show? Like where's the depth that Origins put into this ship?? And every single episode after??
I do think this could've been fixable though, if they didn't reduce Adrienette to a montage (like him telling her about his mom) and added at least 1 Marichat and Ladrien interaction each. That's what the other two sides are meant for!! For both of them to see a different side of their partner when their partner is seeing them differently!
In other words, this movie is showcasing the "true selves" syndrome several parts of the fandom were accusing the show of. Zag simply did not understand the ins and outs of what makes the Love Square so compelling and I really think if this was fixed, the movie wouldn't be as disappointing as it is.
Gabriel's arc was pathetic. I know, on one end, it's like, yay, Adrien's gets a grieving, neglectful but well-meaning parent!! He gets to avoid the abuse he goes through in the show!! But I think it also takes away the angst that comes from Adrien essentially being a hero fighting against his father's abuse daily, which is also a core component of the show (who knows how season 6 will deal with that) and it also was a huge asset to Adrien's character - how he turned out good, kind and heroic despite all that.
And Gabriel by himself just isn't as compelling if he wasn't a ruthless villain, in my subjective opinion. Maybe the moment of forgiveness between son and father would have been more touching if we got a few scenes between Gabriel and Adrien. (Can you believe they only interact TWICE in a 90 minute movie??) Maybe Gabriel shutting Adrien out but out of genuine overprotectiveness, maybe Adrien trying to bond with his father but Gabriel misunderstanding it and killing the entire vibe. Just something to show us that Gabriel really does love his son, if that is what the movie wants us to believe.
The ending being a sequel hook was so stupid lmfao. Gabriel wants to stop being a villain for his son's sake but will entrust the peacock miraculous and his refrigerated wife to his assistant? Instead of idk, properly cremating the poor woman? He doesn't want to be a villain but he won't let go of his obsession with his wife?
It makes sense psychologically, I just hate it because I know that in 2 years Germy is gonna waste another 100 million dollars to make another pointless sequel.
Overall I'd give it a 3/10. It's a shame because all of this stunning animation could have been used in the actual show, or the bickering dynamic they wanted for Ladynoir could have been done with different original characters.
#miraculous ladybug#miraculous awakening#ml awakening salt#ml movie salt#i wont simply tag this as ml s*lt because i dont want it to end up in the show tags#rae speaks
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Thinking out loud...I'm both relieved that Hunter wasn't singled out by The Collector to go through these horrors...yet ofc curious what it may've looked like.
Nonetheless, his mind would be unleashing nightmares upon him even after Belos's death.
C-PTSD nightmares seem to have three flavours (going off my own experience..this isn't textbook or researched, as a disclaimer).
There are two kinds that have the theme of immediate danger.
First is the type where you yourself are being physically threatened. I don't want to choose the more graphic violent ones for this post but an example I can cite is being arrested and thrown into prison. Those got me on pretty high alert and idk, it was like this I guess:
Second would be the ones where you can't save someone else. Those hurt and yes, they pack a nasty punch. I've only had this type once as far as I can remember. But poor Hunter would have it worse since Belos could literally puppet him to be the one to harm the best friend he loved most:
The relational ones, though? That involve being blamed and/or abandoned, with no physical threats? Those are where you are in touch with the shame, which in a way makes it the worst of all three in my opinion. Because the deep sense of shame is the aspect of the condition which you can't reason your way out of using impersonal logic...in the way that you can e.g. come up with an escape plan or hold off an assailant.
The most memorable one was being in a dark room, almost entirely pitch black, seeing my 5 or 6-year-old self looking at me like this:
and because you just know stuff in dreams, I knew she was demanding an answer from me, as to why I wasn't there for her to protect her.
And holy smokes this was freakier than the first two categories. Because I had no adrenaline in my system, and somehow this third kind of dream always takes place in narrow spaces where I can't sprint and run elsewhere. Brainnnn, whyyyy?? Therefore I couldn't even give myself an adrenaline rush from fleeing anyway if I wanted to. (Idk if anyone else experiences this?) The first two kinds always took place in wide spaces e.g. underground parking lots and forests.
A similar nightmare involved an abusive family member whom I was trapped on a small boat with, and I had to listen to him demean and minimize me all over again while I was stuck, and I somehow didn't make myself just jump off the boat to swim away.
This type of nightmare is the one that can get me upset for hours after I wake from them, while with the others I get out of the shock a lot quicker for some reason.
For Hunter...it would involve Belos, other Grimwalkers, his friends and others such as those he previously worked with in the Castle, blaming him and judging him in his nightmares. Worst is if Flapjack does the same to him and rejects him. And I apologize for this angsty train ride but...but...he might see those poor lost palismen all over again, since it points towards the profession we see him thriving in, during the epilogue sequence...:
*drags this lost child to therapy sessions*
So yeah. The first two kinds are a more straightforward fit with how C-PTSD changes a person's neural networks and primes them to act relatively calmly in actual physical crises. The high price paid is, the person therefore struggles once things become safer (e.g. arguing with someone who is actually a safe presence), in some twisted unfair form of compensation. This is seen in how Hunter's triggers properly emerge once he's actually physically distanced from Belos: Labyrinth Runners and For the Future are the main examples.
It is painful and difficult, only becoming easier once the person has built a solid support network and can repair their own relationship with themselves.
In fact, my body sometimes feels as though I strangely want such a thrill e.g. riding in an ambulance all over again, a re-enactment of those times of high alert, because they are still more 'comfortable': rather than having no choice but to experience and accept that ingrained sense of shame, process it, and ride the wave instead of simply throwing a punch at it or evading it. Wanting that thrill is our equivalent of wanting a "fix", I guess.
Safe to say, this is why the canon Watching and Dreaming moments that hit hardest are the (false) blaming statements that Luz's friends direct at her. Because the ultimate test is whether the dreamer believes those or not.
#toh hunter#hunter's cptsd#the owl house#okay to reblog. I was just rambling#get the boi all the hot cocoa
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Catacombs Within
Approaching the threshold of a new era, an old omen looms. Part of the Blur Turns to Haze series.
Relationship: Raindrop
Characters: Dewdrop, Rain
Words: 1459
Mental Illness, Angst (sort of), its like an intervention type of scenario
Read below or on AO3
Rain checks his phone again. He pulls open his text conversation with Dewdrop. His most recent sent message — can we talk? — hovers unread at the bottom of the screen, timestamped fourteen minutes ago.
The rightmost digit of the clock increments — fifteen minutes ago, now.
Rain tosses his phone down on the bed with a sigh. He runs his hands over his face. Fifteen minutes ago, or a little longer, Dew had stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. The events leading up to that moment, brief as they were, feel in retrospect like some surreal dream sequence, an out-of-control downward spiral that doesn’t quite add up.
Then again, maybe it was entirely logical and predictable. Rain knew it would be a sensitive subject. Maybe he just didn’t anticipate how sensitive it would be. For a while now, he had been considering when to bring it up, and how. He let that all go out the window when his concern became too large to suppress. It was impulsive, and that was stupid.
He gave Dew a measured fifteen minutes of leeway to act. Now that those fifteen minutes are up, it’s time for him to move on to the next step in his ad-hoc algorithm for conflict resolution.
Down the hall, under the slanted lights of the setting sun through the windows behind him, he knocks on Dew’s door — three sharp taps, even and mechanical. “Dew,” he calls, “it’s me.”
He waits, hands held behind his back. He strains to hear inside the closed room. If he focuses, head tipped to one side in the quiet corridor, he imagines he’s hearing footsteps.
Only a few breaths later, the door opens a sliver and Dew’s face peeks out through the opening.
“Can we talk?” Rain asks.
Dew pulls the door open slightly, revealing just a little bit more of his face. He doesn’t look angry. His expression is totally blank — it could be tranquil, out of context. It could be carved from stone.
“Can I come in?”
Dew seems to take a second to consider this, but then he nods and steps back from the door.
Rain slips inside and pushes the door closed. Dew immediately locks it behind them, the deadbolt sliding into place with a cold metallic clunk. He turns and leads the way into his room. Rain follows.
The two of them pause, standing aimlessly in the center of the room for an awkward moment, before Dew sits down on the edge of his bed. He looks up at Rain expectantly, wordlessly.
“Can I sit?” It’s the kind of thing Rain hasn’t asked in who knows how long — years, maybe. He’s slept in this bed countless times, spent hundreds of hours here awake and asleep and every state in between. But it seems prudent, so he asks.
Dew nods. His eyes dart away, gaze fixating to some empty spot on the wall.
Rain sits gently, like Dew is asleep and he’s trying not to wake him. The mattress creaks anyway, dips under his weight — indifferent to his consideration. They settle into silence, side by side.
“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Rain starts.
Dew shakes his head.
“I wanted to say, I’m not trying to get you in trouble or anything. I’m just worried about you. That’s all.”
“I know.”
“Okay.” Rain isn’t sure how to press further, or if he should. The words he holds inside of him — suggestions, judgments — feel like a loaded gun. He waits for Dew to say something first.
Dew fidgets, weaving his fingers together. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. “I didn’t— I don’t want to treat you like that.”
“It’s okay.”
“I mean, I don’t want to let you become part of it.”
“Part of...?” Part of it. Rain has already gathered what it is — he would argue that’s the reason for this entire situation in the first place — but he’s still not sure what it looks like from Dew’s perspective.
Dew wraps his arms around his own midsection. He looks like he’s trying to discreetly hold his body together, to contain something that would otherwise ooze out. “It’s all— It’s trying to destroy everything I have. It’s so clear.” He shakes his head. “So clear.”
Every statement Dew makes, every action, is like a drop of water in a bucket that now, once again, overflows. Rain can’t sit with his thoughts any longer. “Don’t you think you should talk to your psychiatrist, or—”
Dew suddenly stands up like he’s going to leave.
Rain grabs his wrist. “Wait, I’m sorry—”
Dew wrenches his hand away, but he freezes in place. He stands still, one stride away from the bed, facing the door.
“Can we talk about it?” Rain asks, quietly. The tension in the air glistens like ice, and carries the same chill. “Please?”
“Yeah.” Dew takes a tentative step toward the bed. He stands there for a moment before he sits back down. “Go ahead.”
Rain takes a breath, renewing his commitment to following his calculated talking points. “Honestly, I’ve been noticing things for weeks. I was going to—”
“You think I don’t realize?”
Rain looks up, and Dew is staring at him with a surreal intensity. “Well, I wasn’t sure—”
Dew shakes his head. “I’m the first one to notice. Always.” His eyes are watching so wholly, so wide, a complete departure from his previously averted gaze.
Rain can’t help but stare back. Dew’s focus is unwavering, his face expressionless. The nagging familiarity of it, distant, drips like a leaky faucet.
Dew blinks once. “There’s so much you don’t see.”
It’s something Rain accepted a long time ago, but it still hurts to hear. It gnaws at his chest, the reminder of that insurmountable barrier.
Dew’s eyes dig into Rain’s skin.
“Is it the same as...?” Rain doesn’t have a word for what should follow, but he doesn’t have to say it. He doesn’t have to say any of it, really. He already knows the answer.
“Yes. Yes, it’s like— like time is folded in on itself.”
Rain nods. It is familiar, this situation, drawing a clear connection to a moment in the past. The difference, now, is that it’s no longer unknown. Though between them it remains unnamed, it has a definite presence, if only as a concept, as an it.
It’s striking, though, how different it is, how strange it feels, considering this was the first Dew that Rain ever met — the one who was there when he was summoned, who he grew so close to within the nascent weeks of his life. This was the only Dew he knew, once. Now that he knows another Dew, a more established one, this one feels like nothing but a fragmentary imitation — like all that time was meaningless.
Rain watches him shake his head, as if telling an unseen something no, his eyes unfocused again.
Suddenly, Dew turns his whole body to face him, one leg falling askew onto the bed. “I need you to support me.”
“I do support you.”
“I mean, I need you to be on my side. Completely.”
“I am.” Rain reaches out and grasps Dew’s hand where it rests on the bed. “I am on your side.”
“You’re not. You don’t want me.”
Rain’s heart sinks. “I just don’t want you to be sick.”
Dew scoffs, a sort of casually dismissive noise, incongruous with the weight of the present discussion. “You don’t know what you’re asking from me.”
“Then tell me. Please.”
Dew shakes his head, a serene smile washing over his features.
“I want to support you,” Rain pushes.
Dew clambers over the short distance between them to straddle Rain’s lap, planting himself down and pinning Rain’s legs to the bed with his weight. “Then treat me like there’s nothing wrong.”
Rain doesn’t resist as Dew wraps him in an embrace, arms draped loosely around his neck. He can feel the rise and fall of Dew’s breaths where their chests come together. He places his hands on Dew’s hips, resting them there without restricting, careful not to hold too tight.
Dew leans closer. He presses his face into the side of Rain’s neck, the air of his exhale brushing past Rain’s collarbone. For a moment, all that matters is that they’re alive, both of them — lungs respiring, hearts beating, entire beings emergent from a collection of cells and signals — until reality returns with all its nuance and uncertainty.
“I don’t know if I can do that,” Rain says, “because I still think you need to talk to your psychiatrist.”
When Dew hums, Rain can feel the vibration of it through the convergence of skin against skin. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Somehow, it feels like tomorrow might never arrive.
#ghost band fanfic#raindrop april#fic i wrote#bt2h#guys im sorry im not doing amazing rn so my attention span is limited and there may not be adequate overarching themes -_-
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Ahsoka- Notes on Episode 2 and Kiner’s musical score made by a Sabezra shipper. (You’ve been warned.)
Ahsoka hears voices. She seems to be hearing Sabine’s dream. Sabine is dreaming of Ezra once again. A fragmented rendition of Ezra’s theme can be heard very briefly along with the voices in the dream, but the music is mostly mysterious and unrelated to any other character’s theme.
Baylan & Shin at the stone circle. The end of this track reminds me of purrgil song. I didn’t see them until someone pointed them out in this screenshot.
Lothal tower. Ahsoka hears voices from the past (Sabine vs. Shin fight). Ahsoka’s theme (fragment). Flute plays during loth-cat’s appearance.
Ahsoka inside the tower scene: Music from the Clone Wars is heard. [Edit: It’s from Rebels.] A quiet quotation of Ezra’s Theme is played by the cello when his hologram is activated. Ahsoka destroys assassin droid.
Hospital scene with Sabine trying to recover the droid’s memory. “It’s now or never” is a line that Sabine says that was spoken by both Ezra and Sabine in Rebels. Hera’s Theme can be heard when she tells Sabine “You did good.”
Morgan arrives at the stone circle. Morgan opens the star map for Baylan & Shin. Mostly new musical material here. Thrawn’s theme is heard when Morgan mentions him. There is purrgil imagery in this scene and the first mention of the Eye of Sion. Sinister and mysterious music is used here with a big crescendo to end the scene.
Ahsoka arrives on Corellia. Incidental music here does not use familiar themes until Hera asks Ahsoka to teach Sabine again. The music here is based on Ahsoka’s Theme until Hera asks that question.
Sabine & Huyang and the lightsaber. Sabine says it is “Ezra’s lightsaber.” Huyang says it is hers now. No music during most of the conversation. Sabine says she does not have the talent “like Ezra.” We finally hear Sabine’s Theme when Huyang says “The only time you are wasting is your own.”
Hera & Ahsoka on Corellia. Incidental music doesn’t make use of familiar themes until we hear the first three notes of Ahsoka’s Theme when she leaps out of the window. Fight with Inquisitor and droid. Hera & Chopper in pursuit of stolen SSD hyperdrive. Action sequences have new incidental music.
Sabine returns to the tower. Sabine’s Theme is heard as she lays out her armor. After she cuts her hair the first two notes of Ezra’s Theme crescendo as the scene changes.
Hera, Chopper, & Ahsoka on Corellia. Ahsoka gets a holo from Sabine saying that she’s ready. This is new incidental music until Hera’s theme is heard as she watches Ahsoka’s ship leaving at the end of the scene.
Sabine at the mural. This is new music until Sabine walks toward Ahsoka. A subtle rendition of Ezra’s theme is heard here. From NLB’s acting and the music we know she’s going on this quest because of Ezra. ❤️
Ahsoka & Sabine depart. Segue to the Eye of Sion under construction. Morgan mentions Thrawn and his theme is quoted briefly under her dialogue. The other music used is new.
End credits music: Intro, Sabine’s Theme, Ahsoka’s Theme, Hera’s Theme, and a reprise of Ahsoka’s Theme.
When they find Ezra and Thrawn I hope we hear more of their themes used with the end credits. I loved how Kiner sometimes changed the end credits Music for Rebels to fit with the mood of the episode. I hope he will do that in this series too.
Bonus: a new arrangement of the End Titles Music.
#sabine wren#ezra bridger#star wars#ahsoka series#sabezra#ahsoka tano#star wars rebels#ezrabine#hera syndulla#kevin kiner#chopper#morgan elsbeth#baylan skoll#shin hati#thrawn
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Fated Rantings: Heaven's Felt
I have finished Heaven's Feel (all three films)
And hot damn what a story that was. As early as the first movie I found myself enjoying the route more than I did with Unlimited Blade Works.
It wasn't that strong a notion at first due to the first movie having to set up the story which means it had to retrace some moments from Fate or UBW. I was even disappointed that it just skimmed over Shirou meeting Saber for the first time.
I did expect it to skim some moments due to the nature of Fate/Stay Night. I said it previously but Fate/Stay Night was originally a visual novel (one that is getting a remaster for Steam/Switch as of me writing this) with multiple routes and endings. A staple of the visual novel format.
As a result each route has the same starting point. Some may feel it wear on them if they watch these back to back like I've done since last year.
Even so, I can't say it bothered me that much. Yes, Skimming over the summoning of Saber let me down a tad but the rest of the first movies opening act was decent. I liked seeing the different perspectives of the scenes I had saw in Unlimited Blade Works just a week ago.
It is also fair to mention that movies of a series typically expect you to have seen the thing it's based on to begin with.
Then the second half of the movie kicks in. The changes began rather quickly which I was thankful for. As soon as Kirei mentioned Kiritsugu's previous occupation and the 4th war I realized the story would shift- THEN BAM!
That Berserker battle. It was brief but that movie budget made it so good. It was then that I also noticed another change, the movies are more graphic than Zero or UBW.
In this movie, when Shirou takes a hit for Saber from Berseker, you see his guts fly out as he rolls around like a busted toy. It doesn't escalate to high but you do see inside of large cuts or severed limbs.
And I am only praising it because it actually added to the horror-like atmosphere Heaven's Feel has.
All three movies feel like they were drawn to be a horror film in many scenes. The way the shadows bend or literally come alive, the way servants are mercilessly hunted by Angra Mainyu, or even the Sakura dream sequence only to learn she's eating people.
The gore just makes it hit harder how terrifying the situation is in Heaven's Feel.
Down 'n Dirty
The gore and horror presentation aside there was another factor I was curious about, the romance. Now some reading this may wonder why and others will think they know why and that has to do with Fate's reputation of hentai.
The original visual novel had hentai scenes in it, that is an objective truth. So did its canonical sequel Ataraxia. This was done because Nasu thought it would help sell the story and...well they were right.
The whole initial reason King Arthur was gender bent into a woman was also for this logic. He knew his native Japanese market and appealed to it.
Once Type-Moon got going those hentai scenes were removed. Later stories lacked it at all. Yes, the artwork and designs for characters is definitely made with sex appeal in mind but it's a far cry from where it started.
To be honest I find the whole thing fascinating because the series tendency for gender bending and "coomer" art is based in a writer just trying to appeal to the broadest audience.
They even use this for in-lore jokes quite often. For instance, the original draft of Fate/Stay Night, the world in which King Arthur is still a man, was reworked into Fate/Prototype years later.
They even do this fun thing where the voice actors for Merlin and female Artoria swap roles in Fate/Prototype. Female Arthur voices the female Merlin and the male Merlin now voices the male Arthur.
Some gender bends are literal jokes such as the female Nero Claudius (seen in the gif above^) who was gender swapped just to trick Fate fans into thinking Saber (Artoria) was in Fate Extra.
And others are that way because that historical figure was believed to be a woman or it was left ambiguous such as Nagao Kagetora.
Aka Nasu is very self aware of the Fate gender bending and porn jokes and plays into it.
Back to Romance
I went a bit off tangent there but I needed to explain that bit to focus on why the romance between Shirou & Sakura was a curiosity for me.
In my desire to learn Fate lore I saw more than one video or fan comment quoting Nasu and others at Type-Moon.
One thing that stuck in my mind was that the initial Saber and Rin scenes were added just to balance it all but the scenes with Sakura were considered crucial to her plot.
I now understand why. No, before you ask, you do not get a hentai scene in Heaven's Feel. However, Heaven's Feel does fully commit to the physical nature that Sakura & Shirous relationship grows too.
Yes dear reader, Shirou gets laid. Get your middle school snickering out of your system, I'll wait.
The whole film just hammers home just how much Shirou existing means to Sakura. For them to go that far only seems natural, for her to hold on despite her horrible life makes sense.
This poor girl was violated years on end by crest worms as Zouken warped her into a fake grail. Her adoptive brother raped her for years on end just because he's a little shit with inferiority complexes.
Hell, Sakura is still traumatized by her father giving her to the Matou's in Fate/Zero.
Despite all that, even though she believes Shirou wouldn't want her for being so...um "damaged", he sticks by her side anyway. All together it makes that bond very genuine.
There's no forced melodrama or silly misunderstandings, just two kids trapped in a mess with no idea what to do.
A more complete Continuation
Even now I sit here in awe of it. I have sit through Fate 2006 and Unlimited Blade Works, two works in which Sakura is barely a passing note. Hell, even in Fate/Zero she's barely there but Heaven's Feel made me care.
It goes beyond that though. I found Heaven's Feel to be a better or more complete resolution to the mess left behind by the 4th Grail war depicted in Fate/Zero.
There are some questions I had throughout such as;
Why did Zouken summon Assassin in this route but not others?
Did a fragment of the grail survive in every route or is that a Heaven's Feel thing only?
Why didn't Rin have Shirou make the jeweled sword in UBW?
Why did Gilgamesh attack Sakura? Is he not for Kirei's plans in HF?
Small things like that. They don't break anything at all but I felt that I should mention them because I still think Heaven's Feel is a better continuation of Fate/Zero than Unlimited Blade Works despite such questions.
There is no grand reasoning for my feelings. I just liked that Heaven's Feel addressed things left behind in Fate/Zero more than Unlimited Blade Works did.
Such as Illya. She got so little time in UBW that I was a bit shocked. Even Fate 2006 gave her some attention. I mean, know each Fate work is a timeline of it's own but UBW and Heaven's Feel both heavily reference Zero.
All three were made by ufotable after all so it makes sense. Anime only fans may even see ufotable's adaptions as their own pocket in the Type-Moon multiverse.
I was sad her happy ending was to die but I can't help but feel slightly happy for her since she was shown running to Irisviel who's soul has been in the grail since Fate/Zero ended.
They even went out of their way to animate a scene that I can only assume was a minor one in the visual novel. It's a scene in which Illya over hears Fujimura talk about Kiritsugu's many trips to Europe. He failed her in many ways but he never stopped trying to see his daughter.
Then there was Rin. The story gave her less attention as I'd expect but I feel that it compliments how she's portrayed in UBW or even Fate 2006.
It was a nice touch that the one who made it possible to save Sakura was Rin. She has her own baggage about Sakura's life and while blunt and unable to relate to her trauma (by her own admission) she still got through to Sakura and all it took was letting her know that she loved her.
That's fucking beautiful man. Shirou even mumbles that they won due to Rin's actions.
There's also the aforementioned Kiritsugu. Shirou gets more insight into his fathers life and previous actions than other routes. It played into Kirei's obsession with him and Shirou's.
Shirou himself has a much more compelling arc in Heaven's Feel than UBW or even the Fate Route. Thanks to what he learns about his father he focuses on being a hero of justice but this time for Sakura.
His ideals aren't as foolish, they're focused. When he is focused on being one person's hero over everyone's he becomes a much more interesting character to me.
Hell, Zouken tries to convince him to kill Sakura at one point thinking that he'll do it because Kiritsugu would but no. Shirou acknowledges that he would betray his ideals for her .
That not only helps Sakura later but grows him way further than his fight with Archer in UBW did.
Seeing this I can understand why the "Miyuverse" Shirou is so loved.
I know I'm comparing routes but I can't help it. I'm sitting here conflicted because I liked this more than Saber's route. I am a Saber shill/simp at this point but I can't help but feel that Heaven's Feel is a better narrative conclusion.
Shirou is more compelling, I was made to like an ignored character, the story tackles some remnants of the 4th Grail such as Angra Mainyu whom we only saw hints of at the end of Fate/Zero, the grail system being destroyed at the end, etc.
It just feels tighter as a narrative to me. Although the reasons listed aren't the only explanations as to why.
No, the biggest contributing factor by far was Kirei himself.
Opposites
This man, this fucking monster, once again became far more interesting than he should be. I talked about him when I finished Fate/Zero which I'll link here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/post/737296248042815488/fated-rantings-ground-zero#notes
This man's obsession with Kiritsugu persisted for ten fucking years. Even now he can't accept him nor can he seem to accept the fact that they weren't as parallel as he believes.
All Kirei really gained from the 4th Grail War was realizing that he enjoys making others suffer. He's known from the start that he was broken inside but was cursed with the common sense to know it.
That contradiction is shown in his occupation. His whole tussle with Zouken and Assassin is badass to be sure. A 500yr old mage and a heroic spirit are fended off by this man, this fucked up preacher.
A badass to be sure but what caught my eye was him using scripture to harm Zouken. As far as I know, you can't just throw around scripture in Fate, you have to fundamentally believe in it to some degree.
Kirei is shown often genuinely reading his bible or kissing his cross. Actions that seem stupid when he makes it a hobby to ruin lives.
He goes on about how Angra Mainyu deserves to be born or about how something is neither good nor bad until it's gained knowledge. A solid argument but only when normal life is concerned.
Angra Mainyu is a man-made god, a devil, a focus of humanities evils into a spirit. All at the sacrifice of some unnamed boy centuries ago.
It was active during the 3rd Grail War, it's been very self aware within the Grail since then, and it's shown tormenting Kiritsugu and Illya.
Angra Mainyu is very much aware. It has knowledge, it is evil.
No, what Shirou calls him out on here saying "that's bullshit" is Kirei just wanting to see Angra Mainyu cause as much harm as possible...or so he thinks.
Personally I think that's half of it. The other half is Kirei's question. Although he should logically see that Angra Mainyu is evil by it's nature alone he still wants to know it's thoughts.
How does it feel to be born this way, how will it feel once it's fulfilled it's purpose, does it consider itself evil when humanity made it evil.
He feels compelled to know these things because he himself was born broken. Kirei knows deep down that nature is very much as real as nurture. No matter what he's done he's been broken.
He tried to love a woman but only cried because he felt that he should've killed her if she was meant to die. He had a loving father for whom no tear was shed when he was murdered.
He killed his mentor and aided Kairya just to see their torment. He told Shirou about Kiritsugu to see his reaction because he, like Zouken, thought Shirou was the same.
He fully believes that witnessing Angra Mainyu be born will answer his own burning questions about his nature when there is nothing to answer.
Angra Mainyu is man-made, nothing it can say can truly rectify Kirei's broken soul.
His Parallel was a Boy
The point, as I understood it, was that Kirei couldn't get his answers from Kiritsugu. His obsession, how he talks about him to Shirou, he never got over that.
Then he saw the grail. It even revived him from death but that won't give him the answer either. Even if he had witnessed its birth.
It is only at the end when he fighting a child that Kirei finds his true opposite. Shirou has nothing due to the 4th war, he considers his survival a sin.
Kirei considers his entire existence a sin yet he says it himself. They're opposite extremes of that same emptiness. I was frequently reminded of Fate/Zero because Kirei was.
Kirei died in that last war and was stuck in time in more ways than one. There is no way to answer or fix him.
It's damn poetic that both Kirei and Shirou realize something by admitting how unlike Kiritsugu Shirou has become. A fitting finale to a compelling monster.
This whole time Kirei's true opposite was a boy.
Finale
I'm sure I had more to say but I don't think this can get much longer. Plus some things weren't worth whole paragraphs. Such as my love for the battles and animation.
The small things like Shirou calling Archer a dick when he chucks him down like a sack of potatoes. Hell, Archer's entire arc this film is neat to see due to how passive he is. When Shirou is willing to be Sakura's hero or save Illya Archer's attitude changes on a dime. To the point that he'd even give up a literal arm.
I loved seeing Rider get more lines and screen time. She has a decent character that I now wish I got more of in other Fate works.
Then there's the whole Saber Alter and her battle....I can't. The fight is fucking amazing but just picturing Shirou ending her hurts me. TuT
Oh well, I'm ranted out now. Bye~
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For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings
#fated rantings#fate series#fate/stay night#fate heavens feel#sakura matou#shirou emiya#kotomine kirei
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