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somegrayvyperson · 1 year

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Okay, welp I’m back on tumblr so about time I get back onto the bull I love to pull, talking about Touhou fan games! The past few years have definitely been pretty interesting, though today I want to talk about something... Incredibly curious.

東方陰陽暦 ~ Illuminate animal destiny is probably one of the most interesting danmakufu games of 2022. How so? It uses 0.12m as it’s base... Which for those out of the danmakufu loop, is an engine as old as 2008! Typically people making danmaku Touhou fan games use either Danmakufu ph3, LuaSTG or other independent engines but the main author of this marimo seems pretty dedicated to the engine; as I’ve been told he’s made previous projects on it.

This DOES however make it pretty hard to run the game properly on modern hardware. 0.12m uses DirectX 8 so I’d advise you download a DX8 to DX9 converter in order for the game to run. If you’re already a fan then you might already have these files for the classic era Windows Touhou games but I’ll link them in this post just in case. Another hurdle for foreign countries though, downloading the game requires you to have your computer to be in Japanese locale otherwise all the files will go corrupt due to not being able to find the right language pack. You can try using locale emulators or other means but I had to download the game this way. After that I could run the game fine on a locale emulator.

Though finally talking about the game this has definitely been an oddity to play. Well first I’ll start off with characters which are sorted into the 5 chinese elements, so think what Patchouli uses:

Wood - Reimu Hakurei

Fire - Flandre Scarlet

Earth - NTR Nilpotent Unit [FAZE] (MJ)

Metal - Youmu Konpaku

Water - Marisa Kirisame

One thing that really sticks out like a sore thumb is who I just call NTR man. I THINK this is suppose to be a self insert of the authour or at least an insert of a friend of his? Some kind of OC? I don’t know the full details, I may have been learning Japanese but I’m currently as fluent as a toddler with sunglasses and who knows if that’ll stay that way.

So the four main Touhou characters primarily use player scripts that were lifted from a Japanese danmakufu wiki. Reimu has homing, Marisa has lasers, Youmu has her IN shot, Flandre has a reticle she fires bubble bullets at which can be set down with focus. All characters are given a shot designated to the element they’re classified under, which said elements are just a copy paste of MarisaB’s different elements from SA. These elements also have abilities associated to them on the C key which is spent by the power you use to gain them.

Reimu has... Nothing from what I could tell Marisa has auto collect Youmu cuts the frame rate in half whilst going faster Flandre literally just clears the screen of bullets

I’m saving NTR man for last because I cannot tell if he’s meant to be a joke or not. He starts out with 6 bombs instead of 3, his unfocused speed is ridiculously fast (practically to meme-like levels) his shot does absurd damage by how rapid they come out and his elemental ability or whatever is borders.

I practically got a Lunatic 1cc easily in this game purely on this guys power alone, nevermind his ludicrously fast speed... If anything on the topic of balance I feel a lot of people might get thrown off by it.

Flan is also pretty broken in the sense her screen clearing ability also clears out bullets you can’t normally clear with bombs... So in a way she can make some spell cards pretty trivial

A lot of the danmaku patterns feel like they were made to be complete noob traps or didn’t have much consideration into how difficult they actually were. Some patterns feel the same across all difficulties or they have something extra to them that either was unnessesary or not well thought out.

And yet there’s also weird moments of neat ideas in here? For example one of the Stage 5 bosses non’s is basically a gimmick from Undertale where you have to shield your heart from Undyne’s spears. I mean it came outta nowhere but to suddenly have that in 0.12m? That’s kinda neat not gonna lie.

The art in the game is surprisingly well done. Granted it’s compressed like heck due to the game having to run at 640x480 but what’s done here, whilst definitely amateur still has some attributes that lead to a pleasent style if very typical of what it is. Granted some of the character names put me through a loop making me feel like it was a Western guy coming up with Japanese names (Nekoko is still kinda painful from my perspective) but no, marimo is Japanese and he made it. Never assume something was made based on superficial things.

The music in the game is not great. I’m unsure who composed these tracks but if anything the musical notation is pretty off in some places and I think the sound mixing gets to the point where you actively hear the crust blaring out due to it trying to go really loud. There is no sound option in the engine itself so you’re going to just have to use system sounds to adjust the overall volume. It’s more or less though a limitation on 0.12m’s part though.

By all accounts the game is not good... But I honestly find it pretty endearing? There’s some nostalgia I gained from this reminding me of the days I use to goof off playing all sorts of scripts in 0.12m and all the different player scripts I’d use to try and 1cc Phantasmagoria Trues back over a decade ago.

Overall if you’re interested the authour has a link available from his twitter. Do remember, download it once you set your computers locale to Japanese and then you should be good if you have a locale emulator. I feel like even talking about this here the game is probably going to get buried in obscurity still on the nature of it being a Touhou fangame made in 0.12m no less.

Still I found some fun in this thrown together treat.

As for what I’ll talk about after, I think I got some ideas but I’m gonna need a good think about what to talk about next.

#touhou #touhou project #東方 #東方project #touhou fangame #illuminate animals destiny #reimu hakurei #marisa kirisame #flandre scarlet #youmu konpaku #danmakufu #danmakufu 0.12m

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tvandfilmconfessions · 9 months

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Have you ever giggled at a ridiculous Riverdale meme or GIF on social media? Yep, the stars of the CW drama know you have.

“I think it’s important to acknowledge that our show is made fun of a lot,” Lili Reinhart, who plays Betty, tells Vulture in a far-ranging cast interview marking the show’s farewell after seven seasons. (The series finale airs Wednesday, Aug. 23 at 9/8c.) “People see clips taken out of context and are like, ‘What? I thought this was about teenagers.‘ And we thought so as well — in Season 1.”

Reinhart also admits: “It’s really not been easy to feel that you’re the butt of a joke. We all want to be actors; we’re passionate about what we do. So when the absurdity of our show became a talking point, it was difficult.”

Riverdale started out as a noir-tinged teen soap, but grew increasingly outlandish as the seasons went on, with killer cults, magical witches and superpowers. (For a full rundown of Riverdale‘s wildest storylines, click here.) And Reinhart even acknowledges: “It is ‘What the f–k?’ That’s the whole point. When we’re doing our table reads and something ridiculous happens, [showrunner] Roberto [Aguirre-Sacasa] is laughing because he understands the absurdity and the campiness.”

Reinhart’s co-star Casey Cott, who plays Kevin, says he and his fellow actors needed to fully commit to the ridiculous storylines: “It only works if we lean in.” Plus, as Camila Mendes, who plays Veronica, notes: “We’re a comic book; it’s supposed to be fun and fictional and weird. If you want to watch a teen show where there’s just a bunch of kids in a high school dealing with relationship drama, there’s a lot out there.”

Cole Sprouse, who plays Jughead, chimes in to suggest: “Go watch Euphoria.“

#Riverdale #Archie Andrews #Euphoria #Archie Comics #KJ Apa #Lili Reinhart #Betty Cooper #Camila Mendes #Veronica Lodge #Cole Sprouse #Jughead Jones

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stageplayhero · 1 year

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( x )

“Did you send me a vine?” The question is unnecessary. The answer is right there. Mark blinks at his phone, staring at it for a long time. Pausing to stare at you. Then returning to stare at his phone.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to this.”

You think this applies to him? Him, who has never done anything wrong in his life? How ridiculous, how absurd!

“I know my actions have consequences. I made a deal with the Entity, and got rewarded for it.” Hardly. “Really, are you trying to teach me a lesson through…memes?”

#fan mail: asks #starring: unknown actor #(i’m still laughing over this #mark: if this is about the braincell shopping again-)

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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you know what modern snl is missing? memorable, regular characters.

last night, before the new episode, there was an older one from 2007 (i think? linkin park was the musical guest and they played what i’ve done) and it featured a skit with one of kristen wiig’s regular characters, penelope: the redhead who talks very modestly and quickly and with a downward inflection and twirls her hair around her fingers, and she basically warps any conversation towards herself no matter how ridiculous or absurd. i was laughing the whole entire time.

since molly shannon was hosting, the cold open featured SUPERSTAR! and there was sopranos skit with sally o’malley. in between skits, you had those old macgruber vignettes (will forte as the macgyver parody). i laughed my way through those, too.

outside of maybe kate mckinnon’s ruth bader-ginsberg impression or kenan thompson’s big papi, both of which were rather short-lived, i can’t really remember most of newer snl. it’s almost exactly like what happened to the simpsons: the writing took a backseat to on-the-nose humor and celebrity cameos; in snl’s case, overly political humor. the older episodes were without question political, but they were a lot more subtle about it and guys like will ferrell and darrell hammond saw that it was all ripe for parody. the older episode, i was laughing every few seconds: the new one, i chuckled probably five times and it was more from benedict cumberbatch’s delivery than anything.

also, you know how middle-aged dudes making movies involving internet humor will always end horribly? well, it works the other way, too: internet humor just does not gel with tv or movies no matter who’s doing it, but snl’s current batch of writers are all people around or close to my age.

i know i sound like an old bat telling kids to get off my lawn, but this overly simplistic meme-based “it’s funny ‘cuz it’s true hur hur” tiktok/vine-style humor is good for joking with people on twitter, not shambling and hamfisting into a script that’s supposed to be a comedy show for us to watch late at night.

i can see how it can be funny to the right people, though, hence why this type of humor exists in the first place, but like i said... a regular person like me can’t remember it. i remember the theme song to macgruber a lot better than i remember what went down in that mother’s day skit with the signs (that actually made me sad more than anything). i remember sally o’malley going “KICK! STRETCH! AND KICK!” and darrell hammond as tony soprano better than that blue bunny skit, which i had to look up because i literally could not remember it (like i said, i laughed more at cumberbatch’s country accent than anything).

i hope characters come back, just like how i hope the current writers for the simpsons can layer jokes better.

#hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have but i have it #saturday night live #snl #snl 47 #text

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rpbetter · 3 years

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How do you feel about all the 'proshippers dni" warnings in so many meme and resource blogs? If this is too hot of a subject to answer, that's ok!

Oh, I'm going to make it even hotter by being absolutely honest and saying that I hate it. For me, it acts as its own reverse-DNI. If I see that on someone's blog, I'm going to block. It's gotten bad enough that I won't reblog memes or resources without checking for it because I'm damn well not going to spread that around...and I'm not the only one.

It's also such an incredibly bizarre thing? lmao like every DNI that isn't "minors, don't interact," muns with that in their rules get weirdly bent out of shape when it is followed. My supposition is that either no one was actually supposed to notice their virtue-signalling bullshit so that their reblogs don't take a hit or the hope is that when they have an inevitable issue with someone, they can scream about how a proshipper violated their DNI. So, when muns who either are proship or who just feel this is a huge purity culture flag stuck in a meme/resource blog's front lawn don't interact, hit the block button instead...they're kind of out of luck on both.

I suppose I should, in rhetrospect, let people who might be new to the terms know what they mean before I proceed:

DNI - abbreviation for "do not interact." Usually found in a blog's description, pinned post, and/or rules. States who the mun of the blog (be it an RP blog, personal, help, resource, meme, or other blog) does not want to interact with their posts.

proshipper - someone who does not care what others ship or what might occur within the ship. A proshipper is not necessarily an "anti-anti," but they can be, and often are, both. They do not believe that fiction = reality - it does not have an influence on reality as relates to someone writing a ship in which something like incest or underage occurs making people in real life feel like either are normal or desirable. Neither does it mean that shippers are condoning whatever it is in real life, normalizing it, excusing it, or any other ridiculously charged language.

anti-anti - proshippers who have had enough, usually, but anti-antis are just as often simply reasonable adults who find it absurd that people seem to think shipping, liking a character, or enjoying a piece of fiction is activism. They are often concerned, like proshippers, about the language and methods used by antis and purity culture cultists as they frequently mimic the same language and methods used by various radical, exclusionary "feminists" and religious radicals. The difference tends to be that anti-antis are more actively vocal, taking on statements and arguments made by antis, running blogs specifically to counter that culture, and so forth.

purity culture/purity police/antis - people who seem to have no idea that they've been had by homophobes/transphobes/violent religious ideology, or that exactly nothing coming out of their mouths is new or a hot take, it's all just been mildly rebranded and rephrased in order to attract younger Millennials and all of Gen Z to keep peddling this shit. They believe that if you enjoy a character, ship, story, trope, plot, or anything else they've deemed as terminally problematic, that you, yourself, are the vilest non-human to exist. That's the crux of it, it's meant to divide, isolate, and remove the human element so that no one feels bad for bullying people. Just existing in one's own space isn't enough to not be called a pedophile, rape apologist, abuser, and so forth by an anti because you are considered to be an active threat to real people for liking the wrong cartoon people together.

Okay, I think that about covers it for those somehow spared thus far, let us proceed!

I feel that it's so disturbingly prevalent and spreading because purity culture operates on control by fear and exclusion, and is helped along by ignorance.

If you've just decided to start a resource blog, you might feel that it's just the thing to do to have a DNI that states this. (You might also feel that it isn't offensive or ridiculous if you're not directly stating something like "nasty ass pr*shippers dni," but that's still what you're saying so...) This is how you replicate what some popular blogs are doing, it works for them, right? And it's obviously the only way you can reblog their memes or other resources, by displaying that you're so far from being a gross proshipper that you also have a DNI about them on your blog.

Now, let's also say that you're young, kind of new to both fandom and the RPC, and have either managed to avoid discourse or ended up having friends on the anti side of it. You've come from a fandom that is meant for children, it's children's media like a cartoon centered around characters who are children or a live-action movie/series that's also meant for children and stars real children. So, the position in your first fandom has, not unreasonably, been that it's nasty to ship the child characters together in an explicitly sexual way. Much of your experience is having this posed as something that protects you from dangerous, disgusting people who would see you, also then a child, as a sexual object. Everyone who is proship is, then, A Predator.

What is cause for concern in one situation, like an adult who wants a minor to write a ship with them in which child characters are aged up enough to be legal adults, isn't modified as has to happen when approaching fiction and other people as an adult. They might not even actually know what proshippers stand for. Instead of being taught legitimate boundaries and warning signs, let alone being properly watched out for by adults "allowed" to be in a fandom, they've been indoctrinated.

Like children who grew up believing that queer people were Against God, these people are parroting what they've been taught into young adulthood because they genuinely believe they're doing the right thing. It's very...we've taught the children the rallying cry of "think of the children!"

So, yeah, I think this is a primary way it has reached so much of the RPC, specifically, and that it's symptomatic of the whole problem of purity culture, right from where it begins to how it starts exhibiting to how it ends up being weaponized. I mean, have you seen many rabid purity police older than about twenty-five? Me either. Probably a reason for that.

How many times have you seen posts written by former, now older, antis who expressly lay out how they were, effectively, indoctrinated in this way? Every time I see them, I reblog them everywhere. Not because I think any present bad actors will listen, they won't until they're in the appropriate cognitive and emotional places to see anything but red and any other option than reblogging the post themselves to, by turns, refute, callout, or make fun of OP. No, I reblog them for everyone else's education or validation.

As an evil proshipper myself, I'm pretty vocal about ship-and-let-ship and write-whatever-you-want, but not this. This isn't just fiction, it's a real problem, it's purity culture. Period. And purity culture, again, is meant to limit by any means necessary, preferably, it seems, by bullying very real people.

I feel like, if you're uncomfortable with the way muns might use your memes or resources or uncomfortable with the muns themselves...you need to reassess having such a blog.

People have the right to like and dislike whatever they want, on any or no grounds, and to cultivate their space. If you don't like what someone is doing, you have every right to not interact with them. But when you have a blog designed to put out interaction material not with yourself but with other muns on their blogs, that's fucking ridiculous. I cannot put it any more politely, it's that ridiculous and immature.

As well as being astoundingly obtuse to not realize that what you're doing is asking demanding in offensive tones that RPers cultivate their dashes according to your wishes. You...literally aren't interacting with any nasty proshippers lmao they're interacting with each other. Yes, they're using material that you provided, but why are you providing any material meant to be widely spread and used when you're aware that you're putting it out to a huge community like this?

(Look, I have no problem whatsoever if, say, a fanartist draws a canon friendship that fandom ships and it bothers the artist, so, the image's post specifically states it isn't to be tagged as that ship. Alright, that sucks if I ship it, but it's your original artwork, I'm not going to tag it as that. It's fine. If you're nasty about it and call everyone shipping it something vile, then I'm not going to reblog it at all and will just block you so I don't accidentally encounter and spread your work. That's how it works! You don't have to like my ship, I don't have to like your attitude. But it's very different than spreading memes around, things legitimately meant for community consumption, most of which aren't even original material.)

Most of that material isn't even lascivious in nature, either, which says even more about this problematic shit. They're not saying that they don't wish proshippers to use their memes in order to write the offensive material (imagine that, it's usually sexual), they're saying that they don't want a proshipper to touch even a meme about how their muse feels about snow. Doesn't matter if they're writing the offending whatever, being proship is enough.

It's like the statement itself, and others like it.

A decently well-adjusted adult in their RP blog's rules: I need dubcon tagged or I can't interact with your blog.

A purity cultist, anywhere: I'm okay with everything, except nasty freak shit like -giant list here- stay the fuck off my blog proshippers!

Stating one's boundaries in their own space is something I highly recommend, it's the only way we can be respectful of each other. Honesty and having boundaries is necessary and good! Flying off the handle because something nebulously exists somewhere out there in fiction, is not any of those things. It's a boundary alright...the boundary where being a respectful, mature adult ends.

It's not necessary to state any of this the way it is. Every bit as wildly unnecessary as hyper-controlling your memes, or resources, because that's totally even possible in an environment where muns just hit reblog from the dash and never see your DNI.

I love it when it's an aesthetic blog. I want to ask them if they think reblogging this image of a tree in the fog they lifted from a google image search/pinterest (not problematic, apparently, to repost a real person's photography or artwork, only to have two or more fake people fornicate incorrectly) is somehow personally violating them because I believe that someone else out there can ship my NOTP.

Little bit ironic, as well, that they tend to drop and reblog the actual most PSA's about treating RP too seriously. Normalize fucking off on everyone, it's just RP, it's not real! Normalize deleting your entire inbox because you reblog twenty memes a day while only wanting them for your preferred ship, it's just RP, you're here to have fun! Normalize treating other muns like entertainment machines and calling them out for having a problem with that, it's not real, it's just RP! Gosh, you little sparklebean angels, it's not real, you haven't any right to experience a single positive or negative emotion related to RP, and most certainly not to spend more than minimal time or energy on your hobby!

Weird how justifying and validating ill-treatment of other real people is fine because it's just fiction, but that doesn't apply to letting people engage with and create fiction as they please like adults. It's almost as though the fiction isn't actually the foundation of either of these things. It cannot possibly be that both things have more to do with policing other people who do not fit one's preferences, or that both serve the purpose of mob rule.

So, no...no, my feelings on so many meme and/or resource blogs slapping that on their dashes, or right there on the memes themselves, are about as far from positive as I can get with anything that happens online. I think it's part of a large problem that has severe, lasting, negative impacts on the RPC in the same ways that it does fandom.

DNIs are a part of purity culture when they go beyond age restrictions, and I know that's an incredibly unpopular take, but it's my honest opinion. You don't need a list like that. No, not even to list out every possible iteration of homophobia, racism, sexism, etc. We all have that same DNI, it doesn't actually need to be said in your blog descriptions that you don't want a damn TERF or nazis interacting with your blog. And newsflash, it's not going to stop anyone, it serves no purpose whatsoever. It's only become an extra space to virtue signal, place a callout or three, and establish oneself as being invested in purity culture/insulate oneself from bullying by throwing one's hat into the hate ring.

If you're an RP blog, you really shouldn't have to list all that in your rules either. It shouldn't be assumed that if you simply make the statement that you don't tolerate any manner of hate on your dash, it means you support or are this checklist of horrible things. But, if you're going to, likely because you're afraid of not doing so, your rules are the place for it. Not an additional DNI.

If you're a resource, help, meme, or other such RP-adjacent, RPC-support blog putting things out there for the community to interact with, you have the additional responsibility of what you're putting out there with how you engage with others and present yourself. Having DNIs that align with callout/purity/policing culture is not helping this community. You are not representing anything good. Your responsibility is to state that you are a minor inappropriate blog if that is the case, what sort of memes/resources you post, the language you use, how you tag.

The end, no resting drama face needed from you.

#answered #anonymous #dni lists #purity culture #callout culture #rp problems

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sirensfeast · 2 years

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oc interview meme I found and stole from @icy-warden lmao

art by @tropicoola

name ➔ Sahren of Clan Lavellan.

are you single ➔ No.

are you happy ➔ Content, for now.

are you angry ➔ Not yet.

are your parents still married ➔ Unfortunately so. They really ought to separate.

NINE FACTS

birthplace ➔ Free Marches, Lavellan Clan.

hair color ➔ Black

eye color ➔ Purple

birthday ➔ I do not remember nor do I care.

mood ➔ Bored.

gender ➔ Male

summer or winter ➔ Summer. I despise the cold.

morning or afternoon ➔ Morning.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ Absurd.. He coughs and completely avoids looking at Bull. It is nothing but a ‘bit of fun’ as The Iron Bull puts it.

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ I suppose it depends on the person.

who ended your last relationship ➔ What last relationship?

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ I did reject a nobleman’s daughter last week. She did look rather put out, and she threatened to throw me into a lake. Does that count?

are you afraid of commitments ➔ I would be a rather terrible Inquisitor if I were.

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ No. Why would I?

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I don’t think so.

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ That sounds ridiculous. How can I break my own heart?

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ Lust.

lemonade or iced tea ➔ Lemonade. I have a sweet tooth, I admit.

cats or dogs ➔ Neither. Dragons are quite superior.

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ I detest most people, so I suppose a few close friends.

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ I suppose it depends on my mood. A night of hunting a dragon sounds rather exhilarating, but there are times I am simply too tired to do much but relax in a bath.

day or night ➔ Day.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ Do I look like a child? ... He coughs and looks away. I may have tried to sneak out of Haven the first night I spent after waking up. In my defense, the Lady Seeker is rather terrifying.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ Of course not. I a far too graceful for such a shameful display.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Not particularly.

wanted to disappear ➔ Only my enemies.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ Eyes.

shorter or taller ➔ Taller.

intelligence or attraction ➔ Both.

hook-up or relationship ➔ Hook-up, crude as the wording is. I simply have no time for a relationship.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ My mother and I get along quite well. My father, not so much, but no one cares about his opinion.

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ My, you do ask inane questions. Let me think. I am proclaimed as the Herald of a woman I do not worship. I have a glowing hand that closes rifts in the Beyond. I fight demons on a daily basis. I have a feeling a certain Sera is hiding my boots from me. An annoying, bald elf keeps lecturing me on the Beyond, as if I am not an accomplished mage. I am sleeping with a Qunari who admitted to being a spy for the Qun. I lead an organization that has roots in the Chantry as an elven mage, traditionally a combination the Chantry hates the most. I am meant to go to an Orlesian ball in a month and stop an empress I simply loath from dying.

Indeed, as you can see, my life is quite normal.

have you ever ran away from home ➔ Of course not. I happened to like my clan.

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Of what?

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ If I hate someone, they most certainly are not my friend, and they very much know.

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ I would hardly be friends with them if they were not.

who is your best friend ➔ I suppose Madam Vivienne. I do so enjoy our chats, and her wit is quite refreshing amongst all these idiots.

who knows everything about you ➔ Myself.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #lavellan #male lavellan #sahren lavellan

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gryffindordaughterofathena · 3 years

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HI fellow Gryffindor! Here are a few more questions for D&E! Hope it's okay to answer as them still!

For Both

What’s the most embarrassing childhood story you know about your spouse?

What did they want to be when they were younger?

What was your spouse's favorite band in high school?

Describe your spouse in high school using memes or/and gifs only.

How old was your spouse when they had their first kiss? Who was it with?

If you two were the same age and had met in college, how would you have met? Would you have liked each other? Dated? Eventually married?

Which of your spouse's friends is the most attractive?

Who was your spouse's hero when they were growing up?

Can you name all your spouse’s exes before you?

Thank you for the questions Bree, I had so much fun answering these.

FOR BOTH

•What’s the most embarrassing childhood story you know about your spouse?

Diana: (almost bouncing in her chair) Oh please can I go first? I have the perfect one.

Ethan : Rookie please have mercy

Di : Nope.... So when I visited Providence for the first time, Alan showed me a picture where Ethan was making out-

Ethan : I told you I wasn't, I was practicing CPR

Diana : Don't interrupt me Ramsey, so as I was saying, he was making out with his teddy bear. It's hilarious and I am never letting him live it down.

Ethan : *groans* (but suddenly his eyes light up with mischief) Rookie you have started a war.

Di : What war? You don't have any embarrassing stories about me (suddenly a little unsure) Do you?

E : When she was a kid she tried to hatch an egg by tucking it in her shirt, which resulted in the egg breaking and her being coated in all the yolk in the middle of the night.

Di : Wait how do you even know this? Everyone who knew were supposed to take this to their graves. Wait it was my grandmother isn't it? She told you.

Ethan : Astute observation as always Rookie. Your grandmother has some interesting stories.

Di : I hate you both so much.... (then softly) I just wanted to have a pet duckling....

•What did they want to be when they were younger?

Ethan : Di wanted to be many things as a kid. Once it was her aim to be a teacher, once she wanted to be a forensic expert and once she wanted to join the circus.

Diana : That circus thing was just one time. Well Ethan always wanted to be a detective but Alan told me he once had a pirate phase when he was five.

•What was your spouse's favorite band in high school?

Ethan : Di never had a favourite band but she always was a fan of Taylor Swift's songs.

Di : He never was fond of any single band but he loved music in his own way, I guess. He played the cello and was drawn to whichever song he liked at the moment.

•Describe your spouse in high school using memes or/and gifs only.

Ethan : Do I have to do this? I find memes juvenile

Diana : Just do it Gramps

Ethan : (sighs) okay then

Ethan : This because how obsessed Di was with books back then.

This, because she had terrible arachnophobia and had once skipped school because of a spider on the strap of her book bag and as no one was there to remove it for her.

Di : Spiders are terrible *shudders* and back then I didn't have you to protect me from them.

Ethan : *smirking slightly* Is that why you married me? For my spider killing abilities?

Di : *shrugs* Among other reasons.

This is Ethan

Because he always corrected other students

Ethan : When they were wrong

Di : My point stands

This because he absolutely hated some of his teachers and would set fire on them if he could.

And this because he never changed and smiled as little he could even back in school.

Ethan : Wait did you just turn me into a meme?

Diana : (both hands raised) I promise it wasn't me, it was Bryce, I swear.

Ethan : I need to talk with the scalpel jockey

Di : (whispering) It was me.

•How old was your spouse when they had their first kiss? Who was it with?

Diana : He was 16 when he had his first kiss.

Ethan : You were 17 right?

Di : Yes, it was Mark, we went to prom together.

•If you two were the same age and had met in college, how would you have met? Would you have liked each other? Dated? Eventually married?

Diana : We would have met in the library I guess, with the amount of reading we both do.

Ethan : Or it could be in one of the classes

Di : But romance in the Library is more romantic, we would reach for the same book and then he being the chivalrous guy he is, he would offer the book to me and I'll offer to share. And then we fall in love and get married.

Ethan : You surprise me with the amount of detail you have put into this.

Di : That's because I think we are inevitable

Ethan : Well I think it's impossible to know you the way I do and not to fall in love with you.

Di : *kisses him softly*

•Which of your spouse's friends is the most attractive?

Di : Can I say Harper? (To Ethan) She's your friend right? I want to be her when I grow up.

Ethan : You are ridiculous

Di : You love me for that.

E : True... Now can we go to the next question?

Di : Hey don't try to avoid this question

Ethan : (mutters) well it was worth a try. If I absolutely have to choose then Sienna.

Di : Yeah I agree

•Who was your spouse's hero when they were growing up?

Di : Although he would disagree because, "Idolatry among physicians is absurd Rookie", Ethan looked up to Naveen a lot, even before he knew him, his works inspired him. And also he won't admit it but he really looked up to Alan.

Ethan : Di's hero as she grew up would be her Mom, she really is someone worth looking up to.

•Can you name all your spouse’s exes before you?

Ethan : I guess so, there was Mark from high school, and Arjun from Med School, just these two I think.

Diana : Yes, I didn't have too many boyfriends, it's necessary for me to have some sort of emotional attachment with someone before being romantically involved and there weren't many guys before Ethan who were like that.

(She links her hand with his)

As for Ethan, there's Harper obviously and Dr. Isabella White from med school and I have forgotten the name of his first girlfriend.

Ethan : Well it doesn't matter when I have the most important person of my life right by my side.

(He tugs her closer and kisses the crown of her head)

❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀

#ask #messrprongs #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan ramsey #dr. diana ramirez #e and d #dr. ethan ramsey x diana ramirez

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yelpfic · 2 years

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2021 Writing (Year in Review)

This year, I posted 105k words on AO3. This is about half as much as I wrote in 2020, but still an incredible feat for me.

Overall, it was a good year for writing, and I had a lot of fun creating the stories I did. 300k+ words later, I'm still shocked that I'm allowed to write whatever absurd nonsense comes to mind and just... post it on the internet; that there's no fic police waiting to slap the keyboard out of my hands and send me to fic jail for my fic crimes.

I did a lot of exchanges this year, probably more than was healthy (more reflections on this in the meme answers below). I wrote my first DVD Commentary, which was a cool way to reflect on and document my own writing process, and participated in my first remix exchange, which let me create my take on someone else's work, and see someone else's take on mine.

I almost managed to keep myself to one WIP at a time, but I slipped up towards the end of the year. I'm finding that I enter a dangerous zone when I have the remainder of a story outlined in broad strokes. I lose some of the motivation to keep writing that comes from wanting to see for myself what happens (because I already know), but it’s also too much hard work to figure out the specifics of how we'll get there, so writing the next chapter is a struggle. Sigh, writers can be such ridiculous creatures.

One small, silly achievement: I noticed my AO3 account has been hovering near 100 subscribers for the past month or so, and I just managed to hit that milestone before the end of the year. Major thanks to everyone for reading what I put out, and for not calling the aforementioned fic police on me. I'm so honored to be allowed into your inboxes and your eyeballs.

AO3 stats and meme responses below the cut.

My AO3 stats at the end of the year:

Meme questions:

Best title: "The Substitute King" In contrast to random poetry/song lyrics, this one is simple, direct, and tells you exactly what the story is about. It actually does the job of titling the contents of the story, which I rarely manage!

Worst title: "The Cold of Snow Refreshes the Soul" I wanted to match thematically with its prequel, "A Soft Tongue Can Break the Bone", which is from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. I tried to find something in a nearby verse, and ended up with this. I feel it's passable, but also feel a mild pang of embarrassment every time I scroll by.

Longest title: "The World Changes (And I Do Too Remix)" (38 characters), because I heard that's how you're supposed to title remixes.

Shortest title: "77" (2 characters)

Best first line: "In the fledgling start of a city not yet grown into its name, lies awake a tired yaksha recently divested of his. Sleeping soundly next to him is the Archon responsible, for the names and the insomnia both."

Worst first line: "I'd been waiting ever so long," says Mira out of nowhere, "to find players that were suited for it."

Best last line: "It only flies between them, light and inconsequential, shared as freely and as easily as the flow of laughter and conversation, while the timer ticks ever closer to the end."

Worst last line: "What can I say? You've given me so many gifts. I'm glad I could finally give you something in return."

Conclusion: I need to work on dialogue...

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted? More!! I didn't write one down last time, but let me make a prediction for next year: I'll guess 60k words for 2022.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? I suppose "The Man from U.N.C.L.E."? I watched this on a whim because I saw a pinch hit requesting it. The pinch hit ended up getting done without me, but somehow a small idea had germinated, so I wrote it anyway.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. Perhaps You Are Pain Pinned to Muscle. I've been requesting this prompt in several exchanges (futilely - I don't think much of anyone in the exchange scene is into this fandom), and it's almost a relief to take a stab at it myself. Now let's see if I can finish it...

Okay, NOW your most popular story. Solid as Stone! zhongguang shippers are incredible.

Story most underappreciated by the universe? The Substitute King. Feels a bit weird to complain about problematic porn being underappreciated, but IMO it is similar in content and length to my more popular works, but didn't appear to be well liked. My answer to this question last year was also my fill for Heart Attack Exchange - it's possible something about the exchange is not conducive to feedback. But it's also possible that the stories themselves are not good; writing a 10k story in two weeks doesn't produce the best results!

Story that could have been better? The story I put here last year was one that probably should have been longer, but I didn't feel comfortable continuing due to it being an exchange fic. I again feel this way, this year about Millions of Miles Under My Heels, so I'm definitely seeing a pattern.

Saddest story? Ginkgo, I think. Though the tone was lighter, the situation was sad.

Most fun? Linchpin. The canon was extremely fun, and having just consumed it a few days prior, I was still amped up on that vibe.

Most fucked-up story? On the Origin of Monsters (lack of link intentional).

Hardest story to write? The Cold of Snow Refreshes the Soul. I felt so much pressure writing for the same person again, and I didn't want to let them down.

Easiest/most fun story to write? Of Tricks and Treats. I saw some great, seasonal fanart and immediately jotted down an outline. Came back from running some errands, fleshed it out, and had it finished and posted it within hours!

Top five scenes you would like to see illustrated: Xiao in feathered leotard with Zhongli in coattails (The Flying Trapeze), original characters Nabonidus and Semiramis looking imposing in their robes and tattoos (The Substitute King), Hades!Hiruma pulling Cereberus off Heracles!Habashira (The Twelfth Labor of Habashira(cles)), Tsukasa and Senku eating ramen on a random rooftop (You Are Pain Pinned to Muscle).

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I've done exchanges before, but this year was when I really went hardcore into them. It was inspiring to write to prompts and a like list; sometimes when you're just writing for yourself, you wonder if anyone will even care to read what you're putting down, so knowing you're tailoring your work to at least one person's interests can be helpful. Writing a bunch of stories to order also gave me a much better grasp on how "long" a potential story idea feels, both a rough wordcount and a sense of how long it would take me to write and polish.

On the other hand, I found myself really wrapped up in wondering if my recipient liked what I created for them, and I didn't like the anxiously nail-biting, inbox-refreshing person it turned me into, if, for any (totally valid) reason, I didn't hear back right away. I'd like to take away the positives (the fun atmosphere of shared creativity, the inspiration that can flow from other people's prompts), while cutting back the negatives. I'll definitely do fewer exchanges in the future, but look out for more opportunities to get inspired in similar ways.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? I have two ongoing projects, including one that I started over a year ago, which I feel rather guilty about not finishing. I’d like to wrap those up! I also want to work more on original things, but I did say that last year too. On the technical side, the main things I want to focus on are clarity and conciseness.

#fic meta #writing meta #meme #year in review

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acuriousbecoming · 2 years

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Guess this counts as Part Four

Some people think I shouldn't talk about this whole psychiatric episode I've been going through for the past year.

That I shouldn't tell stories about my ridiculous, uninvited voices.

That I shouldn't share details about my nightmarish hallucinations and increasingly grandiose delusions.

But, like...

What else am I supposed to do? Hide it? Pretend like a year of my life just never happened? Pretend like the rest of my life, trying to figure out how to live with it, and live in spite of it, isn't going to happen?

Should I make up an imaginary real best friend, so I have an avenue through which to tell the stories about my real imaginary best friend, with whom I spent a year, having the strangest and most hilarious conversations of my entire life? My imaginary best friend, who may not actually exist outside of my head, but without whom I would been completely lost, and might not have actually survived the entire experience? The best friend who not only talked me through the nightmares and hallucinations, but who also happens to be the sole reason I am strong enough in the aftermath to collapse in laughter at the absurdity and mystifying nature of whatever the fuck it was my brain fancied it was doing?

How else are people supposed to know that the benefit available to me- someone who's spent my entire adult life actively seeking mental healthcare to manage my conditions, someone who has documented medical proof that I was being responsible, that I tried over and over and over to reach a point where I could work, or at least remain stable enough to prevent my entire life from going off the rails- how are people supposed to know that millions of people of people like me, with this and other chronic medical conditions, who have been unable to pay into disability because they've never been able to work, are only eligible for $773 a month through SSI?

How else are people supposed to know that those memes they post saying shit like, "onlyfans, because she doesn't want to deal with her mental health," are just... superlatively idiotic? That's basically the only option our society has made available to women who regularly experience extended periods of time unable to work or function, as a result of mental health disorders that need a far higher quality of care than that provided through Medicaid and a frankly insulting $800 a month to live on? And that is not an inherent jab at sex worker, but the fact that we can't even observe the honest truth- that sex work is, unquestionably, a distress sale of labor for countless women (and men) with no other options- without having the conversation derailed to the matter of whether sex work is valid is a major red flag that the conversations we are having around both issues separately is inherently dishonest.

Basically, if you want to be able to, you know, buy toilet paper and dish soap and whatever, but you don't want to be a sex worker… I guess you could just… find a mate to support you financially? Be forced into dependency? Hope you find one you actually like and trust enough that you're okay with staying, because the alternative puts you back to square one? Or be perpetually shopping around for a model that is stable, who you can stand, regardless of how you change or grow or feel?

Nah. This is bullshit. I don't give a fuck if people say I'm crazy. I'm not crazy at all. I have conditions that can cause me to behave in erratic ways if not properly managed. For example-

By the stress of being homeless.

By being forced into relationships or occupations that chip away at my emotional and psychological well being.

By being consistently told that these things are shameful, and will make people uncomfortable, or cause them to look down upon me.

I quite literally spent a year trying to save the planet. That may be crazy and hilarious and absolutely ludicrous, but I did. Day in and day out, I pushed myself to my limits. I went without sleep. I went without food. I sat through hallucinations I believed were very real, that were absolute and unmitigated torture, over and over and over again, because I was absolutely committed to helping everyone else. No matter what.

I withdrew from and isolated myself from family and friends. I absolutely believed that, since saving everyone included saving them, they would understand as soon as it was all over.

And when I ended up in homeless camps, and saw people in need, I brought them all of my possessions- everything I could spare- and gave them all away. Dishes, cookware, medical supplies, hygiene products. Coats and blankets and pillows.

And I distributed my makeup and my jewelry and my clothing to other homeless women, because I acutely understand the need to feel good about one's self, in whatever way works best for you, when life is at its worst.

I gave all of the things that had once been the center of my very small existence to my new friends who had it worse than I- one of whom had stolen the boots literally off my feet. When I realized she was the one who had taken them- she, to whom I had given the most- I smiled, and gave her what I had left, and then got her to calm the fuck down.

Because, hooooooly fuck, let me tell you... That girl also fights every person she sees, including the invisible ones, and she can't even stay in the same homeless camp for very long, on account of all the yelling and stealing and fighting.

And that's unbearably sad indeed, because the homeless are the only ones willing to look after her for even a short while. There is literally no one to consistently aid or look after this woman, who, at the moment of my revelation about who had taken my beloved boots was wearing only one of them, several sizes too small for her, paired with a sneaker. That is the level of function a person can devolve to- unable even to pair shoes- when they are not receiving the proper care and medication for their conditions.

Because she also has a schizotypal illness, but is so very much further gone than I. She needed the care and attention and help, and boots, the most, so I was humbled and glad to do it, on my mission to save the world.

The fact that my quest sprung from my imagination makes the fact that it happened to me no less real. It doesn't erase the impact it had, and will continue to have, on my life. The fact that my imagination can be so damn unruly is precisely the reason that it's completely mystifying that there are no provisions made for the reality faced by people like myself.

But I suppose that's because it's a lot more convenient when people like myself end up living under bridges, turning cheap tricks, stealing everything in sight from people who would happily have given it to you anyway, becoming more and more unstable until they can no longer even carry on a conversation, or remember their own life story.

Because I'm pretty sure, now that I think about it, that people like me aren't supposed to come out from under the bridge, to tell the truth about our life stories.

Or anybody else's, for that matter.

But, considering that my truth has taken everything from me; that I have no home and no prospects and no plan- considering that the truth is that I gave everything in the belief that I could help everyone else-

Because I believe adamantly that everyone deserves to be helped-

What else now have I left to do but tell the truth, especially when there is no help for me?

And more importantly, no help for Jessica- a woman no longer able to match shoes, let alone speak a truth she doesn't even understand.

#reading #homelessness #under the bridge #schizophrenic #disabilities #mental health #poverty #ssi

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pawprintsmoon · 3 years

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Inevitable

Henry Knew

Part IV

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968006/chapters/71734731

Henry started to admit to himself what he had always known: they were inevitable.

When Alex called him to talk about his parent’s fight on Christmas Eve, Henry wanted nothing more than to be there for him, as his best friend. He had been listening to Christmas madrigals and commiserating with Bea about the absurdity of how many Christmas trees filled the palace, when his phone buzzed. A distressed and uncharacteristically apologetic Alex needed him. The younger man had nobody else to talk to and Henry’s heart swelled up with gratitude.

He was the lucky person that Alex needed. He was allowed to listen and support. The intimacy of it! For the next couple days, he found himself reminding Alex to eat and sleep and he knew. He knew he was falling in love.

It was all way too fast, but somehow, it was also slow. So gentle the way they opened up to each other, petal by petal. The five days between Christmas Eve and #YoungAmericanGala2019, when they would see each other in person, were slow and fast as well. There was enough time for the two boys to become lazily closer and closer, yet not nearly enough time to prepare Henry to see the first son in person.

For those five days, Alex was as goofy as ever, and more than once Henry would burst out laughing in the middle of a quiet teatime or stuffy meeting. Bea would give him a knowing look and Philip would glare. It came to a point that sometimes when Henry was in meetings he’d have to turn off his notifications, lest his phone would buzz every ten minutes. While they mostly exchanged stupid memes and mockingly combative comments, occasionally the tone of some texts were softer.

When it’s 7:00am in London it’s 1:00am in Washington D.C.

Alex: so, what do you think the likelihood of me being able to fall asleep tonight is?

Henry: Did you have an entire pot of coffee after 8pm again?

Alex: well…

Henry: We may have found a cause for your insomnia then. You okay though?

Alex: yeah of course, why?

Henry: I worry about you sometimes… idk.

Henry: Like, I’m here. You know?

Alex: awwwww yeah I know, man. ditto.

They continued with a conversation about nothing while Henry ate sipped his morning tea, and every 30 minutes, he told Alex he ought to try harder to go to sleep.This became a routine for them. Alex, unable to sleep and waking Henry up with morning memes. Henry getting dressed, eating breakfast, starting the day until around nine, when Alex would text something like “good night” or “I’m out :-P ” or one time, “sweet dreams xo”. Did he really think he was being sarcastic?

One afternoon, it snowed in London. Kensington palace was so rarely covered in snow, and Henry felt that childish glee of first snow fall. He knew he could bear the cold if it meant he could see the long lines of winter light glittering through frosted trees. So he grabbed David and took him on a walk through the snowy rose garden. Bewitched by the magic of the winter wonderland, Henry succumbed to the impulse to call Alex. This was a first, so far they only talked when Alex called him.

He distracted Alex from studying for hours. His heels were blistering by the time they hung up, because he hadn’t planned on such a long walk and his snow boots were new and stiff. That’s one way to break in shoes, he supposed. All at once, while wandering lovesick in the gardens. Oh how the blistered skin ached.

Come the morning of December 31st, Henry couldn’t figure out what to wear to the New Years Gala. He knew Alex was planning on a burgundy velvet suit (how queer, dear lord boy) and he was pretty sure the dress code to this type of party disallowed boring black ties. His simple tailored Gucci suit would be fine, but what to do about that vulnerable spot at his throat? In a panic, he begged Pez to help and they conspired with his stylist. An hour later, about two dozen ties covered his floor.

“This one,” Pez suggested holding up a bright, coppery mustard tie in a narrow cut.

“You don’t think it’s too much?”

“Definitely not,” Pez said, tying it around Henry’s neck in a half windsor. “And it’ll look fantastic next to Alex’s burgundy.”

“I’m sure that’s neither here nor there,” said Henry, looking in the mirror. Pez rolled his eyes, and collapsed onto the couch. Luckily the stylist’s expression was neutral as she cleaned up the discarded ties. Henry busied himself with helping her and switched the conversation to June which could reliably distract Pez indefinitely.

As they flew across the Atlantic, Pez had to continually kick Henry to stop jiggling his legs. The nerves had him going batty and when he finally saw Alex, his nerves lit on fire. Once Alex spoke however, he remembered that they were best friends and his shoulders relaxed. This was the guy who had a Great Turkey Calamity after all.

“Nice tie,” Alex said.

Thanks, you look lovely too, thought Henry. He replied, “Thought I might be escorted off the premises for anything less exciting.”

It was so easy to flirt. So easy to walk, side by side through the crowd. To fall from conversation to easy conversation. To drink and dance and mingle. It was easy, even, to talk to June when she pulled him away from Alex to chat at the bar.

“So,” she said as the bartender gave them each a lemon drop shot. “What are your intentions with my baby brother?”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Nope, try again,” June scolded him. “He likes you.”

Henry laughed, and let the vodka to loosen his tongue. “I know.”

“He doesn’t know that he’s into guys yet though, does he?”

“I highly doubt it.”

“And he doesn’t know that you want to stargaze, and sing love ballads? Hold his hand and whisper sweet nothings?”

“I’m pretty sure he has no idea,” he agreed, ruefully. For a conversation about Henry’s deepest feelings, the mood was light. June seemed like a good type of person, the kind that he could be friends with. She reminded him of Bea, so maybe it’s a sister vibe that fueled their instant connection.

She fakes a frown and pats the top of his head. “It’s a cruel joke the world’s playing on you, isn’t it?”

“It’s alright, I have a fantastic sense of humor.” Henry sloppily poured himself champagne. “I’m rather hilarious, actually.”

“Prove it,” she challenged.

Oh dear.

“Your brother is like dandruff,” he began. “In that no matter how hard I try, I can’t get him out of my head.”

June nearly fell off her bar stool, laughing. “That was possibly the worst joke I have ever heard.”

“And yet you can’t breathe for laughter,” said Henry, lifting an eyebrow.

“You’re just lucky I’m drinking and in the holiday spirit.” They smiled at each other for a moment. “You know, I’m glad I invited you.”

“You invited me?” Henry asked. “Not Al-”

“No, no, Alex was far too nervous to invite the guy whose texts made him blush and giggle, like, fifty times a day.”

“Oh god.”

“Yes,” June said with a nod. “Speaking of, he’s staring at you again. You should probably attend to your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my-”

“Maybe not yet.” She gave him a pensive look, suddenly sincere. “You might need to help him figure it out though.”

Oh god.

And then there was Alex, coming to drag him back to the dance floor. Beautiful beautiful Alex. And Henry was just thinking about how June was right, how he wanted to hold Alex’s hand, and kiss under the stars. The fantasy of kissing progressed into more sensual imaginings as he watched Alex dance. What would those hips feel like, grinding against him? What would it feel like for Alex to run fingers through his hair?

When the ridiculous dancing American put his hands on Henry’s hips, it was nearly impossible to breathe. When Alex told Henry to look at him, he thought it was absurd to suggest that he’d be looking anywhere else. Stupid songs from the early 2000s filled the room, and Alex grabbed Henry by the lapel and ordered him to dance. In what must have been an act of mercy, Nora pulled Alex away to dance with her instead. As he jealously watched them grind, he imagined how it would feel to dance like that in public with somebody you like. He could never have that. Any relationship they could have would be doomed from the start.

But still, they were inevitable.

#rwrb #fanfiction #red white and royal blue #first prince #Henry knew #ao3feed

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50firstfilms · 3 years

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Movies that Shape Us - Bee Movie

By Sylvia.

When I share movies the goal isn't to expose someone to the greatest movies ever made. It doesn't honestly matter to me if a movie is objectively good. Because really, who can actually be objective when consuming media? Everything about ourselves dictates whether or not we enjoy a movie, whether or not we think it's worth sharing. To me, all a movie has to do is garner some kind of reaction for it to be worth sharing.

This week I made Steven watch the absurd 2007 animated film "Bee Movie," and I will say there were multiple times where the look on his face said, "Why are you making me watch this, you lunatic?"

I'm not laboring under the delusion that Bee Movie is good. Because honestly it isn't. It's loses the thread of it's own plot too many times, makes questionable decisions about humor style, doesn't understand who the audience is supposed to be, etc... It's not an "objectively" good movie. But, it is definitely something that sticks with you, something that you remember and maybe even laugh about later. It has a few good one liners, a weird romance plot between a bee and a human that to this day still has people scratching their heads, and a really fumbling attempt to say something about capitalism and communism that leads to some interesting thoughts about the working class and their place in the social hierarchy.

Not to mention the meme culture, the fan fiction, the weird inside jokes that the absurdity in this movie inspired are something that could be looked at through quite an interesting anthropological lens (but I'll leave that for the scientists among us).

All this to say, this movie did have some kind of impact on me, on my sense of humor, on the way I interacted with people online in the early 20-teens. So, of course I wanted to share it with my partner. I won't say something like Bee Movie is a big part of my personality, but I like to think of myself as a multifaceted person, and if one little sliver of a glinting facet was put there by a ridiculous movie from 2007, then I'd like to share that with someone who cares to know every part of me.

How about you? Any weird or "bad" movies that contribute to the overall you?

Our Podcast Episode for Bee Movie will drop 6/9/21. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify and 14 other platforms.

#bee movie #bee movie 2007 #jerry seinfeld #film review podcast #podcast #film blog #lol the word film sounds so pretentious

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hoidn · 3 years

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Writer Tag Game

@anghraine was kind enough to tag me for this.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 110. they're not all fic, though.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 386,718. again, it's not all fic, so let's call it an even 385K for the fic portion.

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos?

A Wild and Distant Shore Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

Hearing Light Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

to suppose the truth of it possible Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

Drowning in the Absolute Yes Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

if you came this way Star Trek: Voyager, Janeway/Chakotay

4. Do you respond to comments; why or why not? for the sake of my mental health, i would prefer not to answer at this time. (i’m not being sarcastic. this is actually very difficult for me to talk about.)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? probably Periapsis. Callisto’s just been raped by Zeus. we all know what happens next.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? i really don't know how to answer this. most of my fics have, at the very least, hopeful endings, and i think a lot depends on the context. for example, Elizabeth and Darcy are happy in both A Wild and Distant Shore and Hearing Light, but one is the happiness of a newly married couple still learning the joys of sexual intimacy with each other, whereas the other is the happiness of a newly engaged couple still in the first tremulous throes of requited love and attraction. how do you quantify which state is happier? to use a different sort of example, Harvest ends happily for Griet because she’s achieved a kind of freedom she never imagined, but i don't know how to compare that to, say, Mulder’s happiness at still being with Scully after so many years in and the world keeps beginning. there are different kinds of happiness is what i'm saying, and i don’t know how to judge the relative values.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest most absurd one you’ve ever written? how about we don’t use the word ‘crazy’ here? i’ve written a few crossovers, though i'm not a big fan of them. (as opposed to fusions, which i absolutely adore.) for most absurd, considering that Pride and Prejudice and Star Trek: The Next Generation are two of the unlikeliest canons to combine, Lydia, still has been a surprisingly well-received fic.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? if i have, it wasn't particularly memorable. i suppose it depends on how one defines 'hate' in this context. i know i've had comments from people who have not been happy with some aspect of a fic, or with me generally, but nothing i'd actually term hate. (truthfully? i'm kind of disappointed.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? there are kinds? i wasn't aware of this and i don't know what the categories are. amusing fact (at least to me): my most popular fic by kudos happens to be the first piece of smut i ever wrote. since then i've written a lot more, for a variety of f/f and f/m pairings, including various kinks, dub-con, non-con, and even alpha/omega (heavens to betsy!); however, my writing preference is people who love each other (even if they don't know/won't admit it), and those pairings make up the bulk of my smut fic.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? just the once, to my knowledge, and it was an extremely disappointing experience. a few years ago if you came this way was repackaged into a fic called Hired for Love by someone named cress26. and when i say it was disappointing, i mean... like, okay, i know i'm a solid writer. (that sentence notwithstanding.) obviously i'm no anne carson or a.s. byatt, but i'd give myself a solid B average for overall quality. so i guess i figured that if someone was going to steal my stuff, it would be because of that. but, no. instead of merely suffering the insult of being plagiarised, i was forced to also suffer the much, much worse indignity of having a story that is absolutely freakin' beautiful in places -- and i do say so myself -- taken apart and put back together like frankenstein's monster. seriously, even now, i am still so much more offended by how dreadful they made the fic than by the actual plagiarism. a copy and paste job i could understand! that fic is good, damn it! that is some A-grade shit right there. but how can anyone have so little respect for writing, or for language, just in general that they’d take something and then ruin it to claim it as theirs? ugh, it’s so dreadful.

...wanna see? ;D most of it is still available on the wayback machine.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? i feel like maybe someone did once ask me if they could? but i have no confidence that that actually happened, so i don’t know. anyway, i’ve got a blanket permission statement in my profile, so it’s possible that someone has translated something and i’m just not aware of it. or i was aware and i forgot. these are all possibilities. i’m a very unreliable narrator.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no. it's something i've long been interested in trying, and there have been a couple of people i've wanted to try it with, but i can only imagine i'd be a nightmare for someone else to work with, so i've never broached the topic.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? once upon a time i would've said Mulder/Scully but i'm sad to admit that's no longer the case. while Elizabeth/Darcy is now my most enduring ship, i really can't say it's my all-time favourite (though it's in the top 5, certainly). i think, at this point, given the word count devoted to them, and the number of hours i've spent thinking, writing, and making gifs of them, it's going to have to be Walt/Vic. our relationship is only six years old, but those six years represent an output that exceeds all the years of all my other ships combined.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? yeah, see, there's a reason why i don't post real WIPs. (with one current exception that i’m still actively working on). actually there are more than a hundred reasons, scattered across a variety of documents on my hard drive. i doubt i'll finish any of them, but this way no one’s disappointed except me, and i was disappointed to begin with.

15. What are your writing strengths? i'm able to compose grammatically correct sentences and i actually know what words mean. oh, sorry, was that overly sardonic? let me try again. sex and feelings. those are my strengths. i’m good at writing sex and i’m good at writing feelings and when you put those two things together you have most of my fic.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? getting bogged down in details or overly convoluted metaphors, anything resembling plot, actually writing things. (see above re: over a hundred WIPs.)

17. What are you thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i'm pretty sure i've never had any thoughts on the topic. nobody told me there was a prerequisite for this meme!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? The X Files. the year was 2006 and i was 29. that's right, kids. i was late to the fandom party. also i am middle agéd. run away! run away!

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? i don't have one. i feel affectionately towards some for different reasons; there are some i don't like at all; a few i'm particularly proud of, whether or not i actually like them. basically, my feelings about my own writing are very complicated. i will say that i think Darlin', everything's on fire is one of the best things i've ever written. even there some bits make me wince when i read it, though. (and now the song is stuck in my head again. damn it.)

▪︎

i will tag @sarking, @sqbr, @wendelah, and @ziparumpazoo if they feel like it, because they’re the only ones i can think of right now, but any other fic writers who want to participate, please consider yourself tagged. below you’ll find the list of questions (with my edit) for your convenience:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos? 4. Do you respond to comments; why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest most ridiculous one you’ve ever written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are you thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

#meme sheep #me and my charms

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incendiaris · 3 years

Text

♡ @aftermathed asked: ‘ “ i won’t break, you know. you don’t need to be gentle. ” / ava @ lenka. ’

⁚⁛☀ “ I know, I know, ” lenka says quickly, doing her best to keep the indignant whine out of her voice because it really doesn’t suit the role she’s supposed to be trying out tonight. for the briefest moment, she considers abandoning the idea entirely, but ava looks so... god, she looks amazing, all spread out and beautiful and open, waiting for lenka to get herself together and stop being such a little bitch about it.

the harness feels weird and scratchy against her thigh, but lenka ignores it, leaning down and over ava to steal a kiss and settle her nerves just a little. “ I don’t know what I’m doing, ” she admits against ava’s lips, and ava responds with a smile that suggests she already knew that much. all at once, ava’s sliding a hand between them and grasping at something, and lenka is tugged forward as ava presses the strap against herself. lenka obliges, rocking her hips without pushing inside, until ava’s little sounds turn wordless and desperate.

“ you want it? ” lenka’s not sure where that comes from, the taunting voice that pries out from her mouth, but ava’s immediate nod sends a thrill down her spine. when she looks down, she’s struck by how absurd the... fucking appendage looks sticking out of her pelvis like that; not least because she thought it would be hilarious to buy one in glow-in-the-dark green. but ava’s past caring, by the look of things.

lenka smooths her hands over one of ava’s thighs, lifting and pushing at it until it’s nearly flush against ava’s chest. and then she’s reaching down to clutch at the ridiculous day-glo dick, positioning it just right. her hesitation isn’t uncertainty this time, but teasing. her own voice surprises her a second time, as she finds herself ever-so-sweetly demanding, “ say please. ”

ava raises an eyebrow, but her incredulous expression quickly dissolves into a bright peal of laughter. for a horrible second, lenka thinks she’s totally fucked something up, but the moment her face falls and self-consciousness takes over, ava is shaking her head and reaching up to stroke a hand over lenka’s waist. “ you’re good, ” ava says gently, “ I’m just impressed. you put that thing on, what, two minutes ago? and you’re already making demands. come on, gimme. please. ”

that was all she was waiting for.

nsfw memes part 2. [ always accepting. ]

#[ LENKA. ] MEME.#⁚⁛♡ [ ꜱᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇꜱ. ] CONNECTIONS | LENKA & AVA + aftermathed.#i call this one:#lenka has to NOT be a pillow princess just ONE TIME #and does not know how to cope.#nsfw.

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homespork-review · 4 years

Text

Homespork Act 3: Insane Mindscrew Haymakers (Part 2)

CHEL: Rose finds a transportaliser platform in the centre of the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: The sylladex misadventures come to something this time. Jasper’s corpse lands on the pad.

CHEL: The dead cat vanishes; Rose assumes it was vapourised but we know better, though we don’t see where it went. She finds an unlocked hub and plugs in, noticing another ominous countdown on the wall, with only three minutes left till the lab will be “UNESTABLISHED”.

Years in the future again, PM beheads the worm creature, which turns out to be a robot. The bunker landed on its side so PM stands on a pile of mailboxes to press the button, which causes more robot worms to emerge from beneath the bunker, pushing it upright, and a propeller to emerge from the top and carry it away.

Dave’s strife with Bro continues, getting more and more ridiculous and animesque, until Dave ends up plummeting down the stairwell. In a realistic work, this could quite easily break his neck, but here we just get some comical flailing and a SBaHJ IT KEEPS HAPPENING macro. Again, Dave looks more angry than afraid.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 8

FAILURE ARTIST: I think Hussie said the Bro slicing the Abscond box is symbolic of the trap of child abuse and shows this guardian fight isn’t like the others but it is still an animesque fight that ends with a fucking meme.

CHEL: Yeah, he seems to be expecting us to pick up on these details which don’t mean anything until he actually explains them, which would be fine and in fact clever if they didn’t conflict so strongly with what’s actually noticeably shown. If he wanted us to take it seriously, he’d have done better not to put the Abscond button there at all.

Rose finds, in the lab, a console showing SBurb sessions in the northeastern US where her home is located, monitoring the time to impact of their respective meteors. There is a large cluster of already-landed ones around her house, with a much, much bigger one centred directly on the lab, with an even bigger one centred on the house. She zooms out, and finds the second-biggest upcoming impact in the world is heading for Texas, while one bigger by an order of magnitude will later land in the middle of the Pacific. "Oh look, up in the sky/ It's a hole about the size of Texas..."

"Circus Contraption - Hot Potato" (Watch on YouTube)

Checking on John’s house, Rose finds it overrun by imps, the building shaking violently. Investigating this, she finds the ogre fight; John is at least getting a few blows in now, but they’re still not doing much good. Nannasprite is able to provide support with eye beams, but the ogres are still standing, and Rose’s attempt to drop a fridge on one is useless too. Nannasprite’s teleportation proves more useful, allowing John to take a flying leap out of a hovering oven to strike with greater force and allowing her to drop a full avalanche of household appliances on the ogre. With Rose’s assistance providing him a platform to bounce off again, John strikes the final blow on one ogre, exploding it into grist pieces bigger than himself, and Nannasprite and John occupy the other ogre until Rose drops the alchemiter on it.

FAILURE ARTIST: Seeing a fight like this not long after the Bro and Dave fight makes it hard for me to take the serious one seriously. John should be dead.

CHEL: John has a backup healer and Dave doesn’t, but yeah, cartoon physics prevail here.

Rose checks in, explaining that Dave’s not connected yet, but that she’s determined that activating the cruxtruder does not actually cause the meteor to strike. John levels up to BOY-SKYLARK and collects tons of grist and boondollars, although he still doesn’t know what those actually do.

You can't wait to find out what amazing items this new supply of grist will be just barely insufficient to produce.

Hehehe. We’ve all been there.

John sees that more grist fell down to the platform below, including one huge piece stuck in the hole leading into Dad’s room.

One of those big SOUR GRAPE ELECTRIC HOLOCAUST FRUIT GUSHERS is jammed in the hole in the platform. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 9

Yes, because Holocaust references are a perfect way to describe candy flavours. Technically “holocaust” can refer to, I quote from dictionary.com, “a great or complete devastation or destruction, especially by fire”, and I’m guessing it’s a parody of all the flavour names with words like “explosion” in them, but, especially when it’s not obviously uncapitalised, that’s very much not what the immediate association of the term is!

FAILURE ARTIST: John asks Nanna why she doesn’t just throw him up to the gate and she says it’s important he build up himself. Though later we do see a character that just jumps up to the gate.

Then we switch to a mysterious castle all in purple. Dad is fighting some imps with shaving cream. A new yet somehow familiar character wearing harlequin clothes watches with disgust both Dad and John on strange window screens.

We cut away yet again to Peregrine Mendicant. PM is still stuck in the mobile station with a letter addressed to David Brinner. There was a real person who went by the alias Doctor Brinner on his Portland-area radio show where he played a mad scientist. Dr. David Brinner is also a comic Hussie made before Homestuck. I’ve never read it myself. I didn’t even know it existed until I googled David Brinner.

Anyway, PM refuses to open this letter and gives stirring speeches that sound like they come from a movie (Kevin Costner’s Postman?) but I don’t think they do.

BRIGHT: PM believes very strongly in the purpose of mail delivery as the bedrock of civilisation. It comes across as funny, but not as mocking.

FAILURE ARTIST: PM then turns to the terminal. Jade appears on a screen shrouded in green static. PM finds Jade familiar. Unfortunately, before PM can converse with Jade, the terminal explodes.

Cut back again to Rose in the lab. There’s lots of cutesy pink little girl stuff down there that Rose decides to ignore. Why is it down there? Did Mom expect Rose to live there one day?

CHEL: I thought it was supposed to signal that Mom was living down there herself.

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, Rose also finds a mutant cat.

We cut away again to John contemplating going into his father’s bedroom through a hole in the roof. He decides to do it.

Cut to a fireplace with a portrait of Jade above it. It looks similar to Nanna’s shrine, minus the urn. But Jade isn’t dead, is she? She scampers right into the room the next panel. She arms herself with a huge rifle and tries to sneak across the room. However, her Grandpa appears, shadowed by the huge fire that suddenly lit up in the fireplace. She tries to run away only to fall asleep.

We cut to Dave’s final round - or rather, Jade fighting her Grandpa. Who, in another surprise, is a taxidermed corpse.

She talks to him like he’s alive, though after it, she says he was easier to deal with when he was alive. This disturbing state of affairs is never treated seriously.

CHEL: This, more than anything else, is why we set up the ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY count. Horrible as Bro would be by any realistic standards, at least Dave’s guardian is obviously living and Dave is not merrily talking away to a dead person. We later find out that Jade was the one who taxidermied Grandpa, while she was barely more than a toddler. Not only was she actually able to do this to professional standards, at an age when she shouldn’t have been handling sharp objects at all, but she displays no trauma from it, nor from having had to raise herself. And yet we’re supposed to take Dave’s issues seriously, and to a much lesser extent Rose’s, with no real indication that they’re any different.

TIER: It's one thing when an author's intended depiction of “an abusive household” for the most part flies over people's heads due to the absurdity of the whole situation when it initially got presented, that happens sometimes! Especially when one factors in Bro's total screen time, how he generally ticks the boxes for “absurd but really cool” guy visually, and how late in the game this knowledge was spelled out. It all comes together to make the whole Strider situation kinda come out of left field to judge people for finding the absurd situation funny.

But when it's sitting right next to the arguably worse scenario (stuffed.dead.guardian.) and the latter pretty much never gets brought up while the former gets a big ol’ spotlight shining down on it, yeah that's what the folks call Fucking Weird and in my personal opinion, suspect Ò_Ó.

CHEL: While I can’t really state one way or the other at this point, I do think it’s worth considering a reason that has already been brought up by a non-Homestucker; in the scenarios we’re not supposed to take seriously, the children are girls. I doubt this was even slightly what Hussie intended, but it certainly explains a lot about the fandom’s reactions. The more likely scenario regarding the canon explanation is probably that the ones we’re not supposed to take seriously are not Hussie’s self-insert.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 9

BRIGHT: Not to mention, Jade grew up on an island in the middle of the ocean, physically isolated from any other people and with only an animal for company. There are known cases of children who grew up in similar circumstances in real life. Suffice to say, it generally does not end well.

You could argue that Jade is pretending her Grandpa is alive because she’s lonely and needs the company, but this is in no way implied by the text.

At any rate, Jade informs her grandfather that the rifle she has is perfectly adequate for killing things and she doesn’t need his oversized blunderbuss.

CHEL: To be strictly fair, we do later find out she had some contact with other people, but not in a way which I feel would be a substitute for having a living human parent in the “real” world.

FAILURE ARTIST: With Jade out the door, we go again to PM. They are fine except for some cartoon burn marks and a fire on their hood. The metal snake saves their precious mailbox.

BRIGHT: It earns PM’s affection for doing so.

Back at the lab, Rose utterly fails to ignore the four-eyed mutant kitten. She carries it over to a peculiar machine that turns out to be another Appearifier. This one is locked onto her cat, Jaspers, nine years ago. Not only was he alive, but the younger Rose was holding a psychotherapy session with him.

Rose attempts to appearify Jaspers, but since this would cause a time paradox, the machine leaves Jaspers in place and instead produces a ‘Paradox Clone’, which swiftly collapses into green slime. The machine next to the appearifier sucks up the paradox sludge, analyses its genetic sequence, and spits out another cat, rather more mutated than the last, in a process referred to as ‘Ectobiology’.

CHEL: John’s screen name, we remind you, is “ectoBiologist”, so it seems he heard of the concept somewhere, perhaps?

BRIGHT: On the appearifier’s screen, Jaspers reveals a stunning secret to young Rose, and is appearified to an unknown location before he can clarify anything. Two weeks later, his corpse reappeared. Oddly, the appearifier can’t see his whereabouts for the intervening period.

It can, however, see where his body went when it landed on the pad earlier! Rose appearifies the corpse and hightails it out of the lab, using the transportaliser to make her escape before the meteor can hit.

FAILURE ARTIST: If you click on the pink horseshoe that appears at the end of the Rose: Fast Forward To Now flash, there’s a little animation of Rose enjoying Maplehoof. I guess she’s making up for the loss of her precious Jaspers.

BRIGHT: We make a brief detour back to Jade, who’s searching for Becquerel. Two new things about Jade’s mysterious abilities: One, Becquerel is invisible to them. Two, this is unusual enough that it used to disturb her. Becquerel appears briefly in the background, and there’s clearly something strange about him…

CHEL: Additionally, it was clearly his face that was carved on the pumpkin we saw earlier, and he looks canine but it’s hard to make out details at this point...

BRIGHT: But before we can find out more, the comic jumps back to John.

Now in his Dad’s room, John is struck by an unwelcome discovery — there aren’t any clowns. Not on posters, no figurines. His father’s briefcase, rather than being full of the tools of a street performer, holds only boring papers and spreadsheets. In fact, the room is pretty boring...like his Dad is just a normal businessman?

"[S] John: Examine your dad's room." (Watch on YouTube)

FAILURE ARTIST: I wish more had been made of Bing “Douchebag” Crosby in this comic but that’s just me being an old movie nerd.

BRIGHT: While John attempts to recover from the BSOD this causes, his father breaks out of a jail cell armed with a safe. This is watched with displeasure by another black figure in brightly-coloured clothing, whose name is not Spades Slick. (He likes the ring of that, though.) No, he’s Archagent Jack Noir, and he oversees the affairs of a dark kingdom through three fenestrated walls.

CHEL: He usually has a fourth one but it got stolen.

FAILURE ARTIST: Those fingers typing the name Spades Slick are a suspicious color...

BRIGHT: He also despises the jester outfits everyone has been forced to wear, and refuses to don his comical hat until the Queen hijacks his fenestrated wall and orders him to wear it. The wall cuts back to Dad, who has now disarmed an especially burly-looking agent and is punching him in the head.

CHEL: Jack Noir makes mention of his carapace at this point; I don’t remember if his species is also referred to as “carapaces” in the comic but that’s the name the fandom knows them by. Guess we’ll see if they are as we go on.

BRIGHT: Meanwhile, John opens some birthday presents he found in his Dad’s room! He gets some Fruit Gushers, a very dapper suit, and best of all, an Array Fetch Modus, which lets him retrieve an item from any card in his deck! Of course, this would be too straightforward, so he combines it with his other Fetch Modii until he gets something properly inconvenient.

FAILURE ARTIST: How much do Modii cost and does everyone in this universe have one?

CHEL: The implication is tech like this is how Skaianet made its money, but since we never really see anyone who’s not involved somehow with the game, we don’t really get a good sense of the company being part of the world, so we don’t know. If I had to guess, though, I’d think getting the sylladex in the first place costs a big lump sum and then the various fetch modii cost much smaller amounts, sort of like apps on a phone or programs on a computer.

When prompted, John closely examines the Fruit Gushers box, this flavour being “MASSIVE TROPICAL BRAIN HEMORRHAGE”. Tasty…? John thinks so. However, in the corner of the box is a small, easily-missed logo…

THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH HAS HER GNARLED CLAWS IN EVERYTHING.

After the destruction of his planet, the disappearance of his father, the appearance of his ghost grandma, and fighting numerous monsters, THIS is what finally sends John over the edge into a full-out meltdown, despite the onscreen caption declaring that THIS IS STUPID.

FAILURE ARTIST: I actually have a box of Fruit Gushers signed by Andrew Hussie.

CHEL: Back on the island, Jade, accompanied by dramatic music, attempts to retrieve a blue package from the ruins, but just as she reaches it, Becquerel appears between her and it, and we snap right back into STRIFE!

"[S] Jade: Retrieve package." (Watch on YouTube)

Becquerel, as we can now see clearly, is an enormous white dog, lacking facial features of any kind and emitting crackling green lightning - worthy of the description “devilbeast”, I think. Jade aims her rifle at his head and takes multiple shots, but none hit. The first heats up and melts into nothingness. When the second is fired Becquerel turns into green fire and next frame he and Jade are both riding on the now-enormous bullet which carries them across the lagoon to the other side of the island. Becquerel teleports the third bullet into space and himself and Jade to the top of the frog building, and he teleports himself out of the way of the fourth, the background flashing through several different locations. Finally, Jade shoots a bullet in the opposite direction with the instruction GO FETCH!, which Bec does, giving Jade time to grab the package. She rewards Bec for fetching with the irradiated steak and announces that he is a GOOD DOG, BEST FRIEND. After dancing around in celebration, she very abruptly falls asleep again, and Bec scoops her up on his back, takes her back to bed, and tucks her in.

FAILURE ARTIST: The music in Jade: Retrieve Package

is another replacement. Currently it’s An Unbreakable Union by Robert Blake but originally it was Mutiny by Bill Bolin. The original is very retro science fiction and the replacement is safari.

CHEL: For the record, real dogs are not horses and are not built to carry people like that, even very small children can damage a large dog’s back by riding it, but given Bec’s abilities, I don’t think that applies to him.

Rose comes out the other side of the transportaliser, she and the cat having both kept their atoms unmingled, and discovers she’s back in the house, in the room she thought was her mother’s bedroom. It seems the cutesy pink bed and stuff in the lab was in fact her mother’s bedroom, and this room is a well-stocked bar.

You decide not to be especially melodramatic about this revelation.

Good idea, Rose; there isn’t time, as the lab is promptly unestablished by a meteor, sending flaming debris flying through the window. The booze-filled room is especially endangered by this, so Rose decides to flee.

John punches some more cards and complains that he’s the one doing the work while Rose is just messing around on her computer, while Jade dreams and little red lights on her bedposts glow. A metal cabinet in the corner of her room has similar red lights on top, and it bursts open, revealing a Jade-shaped robot.

Sudden cut to a mysterious copy of Jade’s bedroom, except with pink walls, in which Jade stands, wearing a golden dress. Back in her real room, the DREAMBOT stands in the same position. The gold-clad Jade is, we find, a depiction of Jade in her dream. Dream Jade tries to get into bed, but complains of a heavy weight pressing down on her, as the robot is copying her actions and is now lying on top of the real sleeping Jade. Instead, she decides to fly, which of course she can do since it’s a dream (and the robot has jet propulsion).

The dream room also contains the blue package, addressed to “GG” from “GT”. This isn’t John’s current handle, but she knows it’s from John, and that she must deliver it to somewhere else without opening it.

Flashback to the previous winter. In a shot of John’s window, we see his calendar and the edges of some of his posters. The calendar is marked with smiley faces in party hats in green, red, and purple, marking Jade, Dave, and Rose’s birthdays, but more noticeably, there are creepy faces with jester hats and huge teeth scrawled on the wall and posters. I didn’t notice it until just now, but there are some purple lines on the arm of one of the poster characters which might just be part of a drawn-on clown outfit but from this vantage point look like self-harm scars. Brr. Ominous.

John at this point in time is going by “ghostyTrickster” on Pesterchum, hence the “GT” nametag on the package. He’s chatting to Jade about having sent off everyone’s birthday gifts, and how he hopes Jade’s will “help you solve those problems you’ve been having lately”. John is embarrassed to realise it will take much longer than he thought for the package to reach Jade’s island, but she assures him it will arrive “exactly when it needs to”.

BRIGHT: With the reveal of John’s previous handle, and from the characters in the Trollslum, we also get the theme of the handle initials being the letters of DNA. (GCAT.)

FAILURE ARTIST: Jade complains about “trolls” and we have the first time this beloved and perhaps overshadowing species is named. However, John calls the “trolls” the r-slur so that’s another point.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 10

CHEL: Also, the trolls are why he changed his handle, in an attempt to avoid them bothering him.

FAILURE ARTIST: We go back to current day. John is peeved at the graffiti on his posters. He thinks it’s the imps. However, we just saw it was there months before. What is going on, hmmm?

Rose decides to name the cat Vodka Mutini. She then talks with John. Rose wonders where Dave is and John figures that Bro is kicking his ass. Considering that this ass-kicking is later treated as serious abuse, this is a callous thing for a friend to say.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 10

CHEL: I’d also say that counts as HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING. There’s not much an internet friend can do about someone’s abusive situation on the other side of the country but they could at least support Dave and tell him to call the police, if it is supposed to be that bad. Or at least, you know, be worried. Then again, Dave might not have told them what the ass-kicking entails, but Rose knows about his brother’s websites, and given that we know Bro made at least one film in which Dave was involved and may or may not have been on camera, and the film certainly would show the state the apartment was in…

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 4

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, when John complains about his posters being defaced, Rose says they always looked that way. John naturally freaks out at this creepy revelation.

We cut to WV. They are trying to get down from the mobile station without sacrificing the MAYORAL SASH. While working the Appearifier, they get John’s present with an envelope addressed to “Mister Mayor”. After WV gets more cable, they rappel down the mobile station with the package under their arm.

Meanwhile, a figure in yellow caution tape watches WV through a sniper rifle. This is Aimless Renegade, a wonderful but forgotten character.

We go back to John and Rose. John discusses the mystery of the defaced posters while he futzes around with the Alchemiter. Rose thinks that John had blocked out the memory of defacing the posters and the revelation that his father isn’t who he thought he was unblocked his memory. She thinks maybe his father thought he was interested in clowns because John drew clowns everywhere. Yet John also wrote “LAME KID”? Maybe Dad should have taken John to therapy.

CHEL: “Lame kid” with arrows pointing down at his bed, to be exact, among other insults, and the clown faces don’t look like the product of someone who liked clowns at all!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 11 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 5

Yet Dad Egbert is supposed to be the good parent of the group, so here we go with a new count:

RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1

This one’s primarily for romantic relationships, but other relationship fumbles apply too.

Rose thinks that the drawings are the result of John trying to express something subconscious, possibly a repressed past memory. John changes the subject to the upward building process; Rose complains that chimneys weren’t meant to bear such a weight, and considers switching to walls now they can get grist more easily, but she’s running out of time as the house proper is now on fire. John blames Dave, so I think we can assume that either they don’t know his brother forces him into swordfights or they don’t think it’s a problem. Which one is hard to determine.

FAILURE ARTIST: We cut to Jade playing a bass solo so advanced it doesn’t have a bass line. Another Bolin replacement. We find out Dream Jade is in a castle on a planet that’s a gold copy of the one Jack Noir and co are on. While flying around, she sees an inhabitant that looks familiar. CHEL: This is what I was referring to when I said Jade did have some contact with people; she is able to contact the carapaces in her dreams. However, the carapaces are, as we’ve seen from WV and company, somewhat childlike in behaviour, living in a society that’s nothing like Earth’s, biologically not the same as humans so they couldn’t easily advise her if she got ill or injured, and they don’t appear to be able or willing to speak, at least not most of the time and/or in a way the humans could understand, not to mention they would have no way to physically assist her in the waking world so she’d still have to raise herself from a very young age. Hence, why I don’t think they’re a substitute for an actual human parent.

#Homespork #homestuck #homestuck review #homestuck meta #homestuck reread #let's read homestuck #literary critique #sporking #Let's read

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