#i know it was a thing from a discord server
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We try to stay away from interacting with drama, as it can be very stressful on us, but yesterday’s TSAMS episode was genuinely upsetting and it’s something I feel needs to be talked about.
TW for alcoholism and suicide, do not continue reading if you feel you cannot handle these topics!!!
(I would like to state that I am not just throwing my opinion around. These are both topics I have dealt with in my life, either from someone I know or myself. I have personal experience with these issues. These opinions are based off of real events in my life that I had to go through.)
Let’s start with how the episode was set up. The thumbnail is funny, the title is obviously mean to get people’s attention. Looks like a normal TSAMS episode where Miku does some weird shit and leaves. Starts out pretty funny. Sun randomly is being given a child and Miku is trying to get him to pull some friends to lovers speedrun that is failing.
There are no TWs on screen anywhere that potentially triggering topics were about to be discussed. They just started talking about alcoholism and suicide.
They made it look like a completely normal episode and gave no warnings that heavy topics would be discussed. They used a joke video to talk about things such as alcoholism and suicide.
That is 100% not how you handle a situation like this. The VAs all have social media, and are in the TSBS discord server. If they were having a problem with people forcing their headcanons to be made canon, they have the ability to use these online platforms and talk about these situations as adults. Literally a kind PSA to the fandom would have done the trick.
“Hey TSAMS Community! We just wanted to give you all a quick reminder that, while headcanons are nice to have, they aren’t factual to the canon. Bullying and harassing others because they don’t agree with you is bad etiquette, and creates an unsafe space with in the fandom. Please be considerate to others around you, even if have different opinions!”
Post that on their social medias and boom. You don’t have to make an entire episode to explain one quick fix! Not a single TW needed! When you are an online content creator with a decent sized fan base, you have to step up and be able to handle situations in an adult way. Using a roleplay YouTube video was just not the way to handle this situation.
Now, Miku is supposed to represent the TSAMS community. Sun was representing the TSAMS staff. When Sun was talking to Miku, it was really the VAs of the show harshly criticizing the audience for having opinions. This is a disgusting way of treating your fans, especially with the topics being talked about. Like I said earlier, you need to be able to be the adult in the situation. You need to treat your fans with respect or they will stop watching your show.
Next, the topics of alcoholism and suicide. With the way the situation was presented, it could definitely be read as Sun becoming an alcoholic. A bottle of wine every day after having never drank before? To a human, that’s a lot of drinking, and a lot of sudden drinking. Until Sun explained that a bottle to us is a glass to him, it sounded like he was getting drunk every night. That would definitely make him an alcoholic. Even then, small drinks each day can eventually lead into addiction. There was valid reason for the fans to believe he was becoming an alcoholic. If you guys didn’t want your fans to see Sun as an alcoholic, then why even turn it into a possible plot point in the first place? It would have been better to just completely dodge the situation if you didn’t want it happening. “How would we address all the wine bottles in the house?” Easy, it’s sparkling grape juice. It’s a fancy cider. It’s some sort of non-alcoholic beverage packaged as one to make it fancier and cost more/sell better.
The part of the episode that upset me the most was how the handled the talk about suicide. Specifically when Earth and Sun were talking about “there are signs that people show when they are suicidal and Sun wasn’t showing anything”.
Sometimes there are signs. Sometimes it’s obvious when people aren’t okay. But it is 100% incorrect to say that every single person who has contemplated suicide, attempted suicide, or died by suicide showed all of the same exact signs of how they were feeling. Not everyone is going to show the same signs. Some signs are so minor that they don’t look like signs at the time. Sometimes signs are overlooked because people close to the person believe the person will tell them if something is wrong, so obviously nothing is wrong since they haven’t said anything. Sometimes the person who is hurting doesn’t want people to know they’re hurting, and they hide it as best they can so people won’t notice. Yes, there are signs, but those signs are so rarely actually caught and treated because people don’t want to believe another people would ever actually go that far.
Sun is a character we have seen past suicidal tendencies from. Often times, these urges or emotions come back, even is situations that don’t seems stressful to others. We as fans were being told that a character with past suicidal tendencies was showing concerning behavior most would associate with relapse (drinking alcohol, becoming more reclusive, etc.).
Calling your fans crazy and gross for being concerned for someone’s life is disgusting behavior.
Saying that the fans are projecting their own problems and then making fun of them for doing so, especially when what they’re projecting is suicidal tendencies? Downright fucking deplorable.
Once again, all you guys needed to do was actually use your social medias.
“Hey guys, we know you’re all worried about Sun right now. We just want to clear up a few misconceptions. As shown in [list of specific episodes], Sun is not dealing with any sort of mental health issues right now. He’s perfectly fine! Please remember that, while it’s okay to have headcanons, your headcanons are not actual canon and are not something to fight other people over.”
That would have stopped both problems addressed in the video without doing so in a harmful and completely unnecessary way. What you guys did was disrespectful, rude, and insensitive. Especially to your fans that are dealing with these things.
When you want to handle talking about heavier topics, you have to be an adult about it. Especially with the big following that TSAMS has. There are moments where you guys have to step out from behind the characters and straight up address the community.
I’m sure that are still a few minor things about the episode that I could talk about, but these are the main things. The fans had every right to believe what they did with the evidence given. Turning it into content for a joke video was not the way to handle this.
#🌟 Ten Talks#tsams#sams#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#cw alcohol#tw alcohol#cw suicide#tw suicide
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Sorry if this is a weird question, but how do you come up with your drawings? What does through your mind while making them? I find your compositions so gorgeous and intriguing but I can't really figure out how you approach things since everything's very shifty and abstract. It's really gorgeous work, I'm so glad I discovered your art :,)
hey first of all this isnt a weird question at all & i'm really glad you enjoy my art heheheheheehe. there's an incoming large largely unformatted block of text that i hope you dont mind!
Honestly there are a billion things going through my mind at a time while I'm drawing and they all sort of bump into each other and cancel each other out like opposing particles. If you've seen any of my streams i'm usually very fast and iterative in a lot of my process and i rarely ever slow down even past the early parts like thumbnailing and sketching. i kind of let my hands do the talking more, yknow? but even then theyre never talking about a single thing at a time. everything interacts with everything, which is probably why i always end up getting lost and meandering. composition is not independent from color & value and neither are they from texture and perspective. its hard thinking of all of the ways they mesh and react to one another so i spend less of my energy thinking and more of it doing, and then assessing once something interesting comes about it. i guess then i prioritize my Hand Movement Actioning and Eye Vision Seeing over my Brain Neuron Assessing. but even though iterations can come and go quick this kind of informed throwing-against-the-wall isn't really the Fastest. but its fun. and you get to stuff all the unused ideas in your pocket for later.
even though i did say how connected everything is i always seem to start with composition. it kind of affects and informs everything the most at least on an individual piece level. with thumbnails & composition in general i think youre supposed to think huge right. so i Always think huge. push everything as much as you can. start with a crazy angle (not necessarily angle meaning "perspective" but like an angle between two lines) and border your scene within it. take an already steep foreshortening and steepen it further with the transform tool & see what shapes form from the empty & filled space. shrink your subject to only fit 3/4ths of the canvas and build around it to make it work. blow things up (enlargen) and blow things up (remove & obliterate). with composition you have so much room for fuckery if you give yourself the grace to accept the fuckiness.
and i guess this freedom to fuck around and iterate and build and build and build upon comes from how most of the time my initial ideas are very. vague? abstract like you've said. sometimes its Just a song or a song lyric and nothing else (no characters to attach to just the feel and my gut). sometimes its a less than 5 word phrase i felt strongly about throughout the day. in my me-only discord server i have messages in #to-draw channel that just say shit like "something about guitar straps" "thanks for knowing me!" "angel don't look at me" "DITHER QUEEN" (<-been meaning to make something with that). for things that have specific guidelines i spend more time thinking conceptually (the "rare animal" coelacanth drawing being an example) but otherwise it mostly comes out after. again. the first strokes. after you put the meat and bones on the canvas. an artist at a workshop i was at last year when i was in my own head about Needing to have a fleshed tangible Profound concept before being able to start something told me not to underestimate the stories that can be told just by your hands. and i think thats what stuck with me the most.
& one last thing i wanna mention is how despite how much i revel in the chaos of the process ive found how important limits are. i don't like cutting back on everything but i like cutting back on some things. sometimes i cut out backgrounds for solid fills and i love them that much more. sometimes i have little subconscious rules in a piece that i try not to break to keep a little level of consistency. if somethings a big wonderful mess already then i love a limited pallet and i love keeping parts empty and i love being able to breathe a little. yknow. but still go over the top in the other parts you have so much permission to. less is more but have a little more in your art than less. YKNOW?
but yeah thanks again for your kind words and wanting to listen to me talk. i havent been drawing much at all so these arent too fresh on the mind but i think i got a lot of what i wanted to say out. i hope u and others can get things out of this! if i made any sense <3
#asks#anonymous#'i'm so glad i discovered your art' ur gonna make me cry man#not putting this under a read more read my thoughts buoy
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I’m going to start this post by saying that I’m genuinely very confused by the entire situation.
I’m aware this wasn’t the best blog in the past, and that the screenshots provided were old, and things I’d already apologised for and learned from.
But in all honestly, I’m mainly confused about the fact that the person im posting about that I won’t name because I’d hate to start drama has already been blocked from this blog an unidentifiable amount of time ago for posting about us on their twitter page, and I don’t like drama, so I blocked them so it wouldn’t escalate
But it still has. Somehow. Because it also seems like they’ve been reblogging posts from this account since they were blocked, which I have no idea how.
That’s just my way of starting this post, though. Because I’m still really confused, accidental blocking bypass aside.
A call out post has been made about this blog, me more specifically, for posting confessions that intentionally start drama.
And I’ve read the post that was sent to me by my friends, and i actually don’t know how to respond to that.
I’m not providing screenshots, because you know, I’m making a response here, I’m not trying to start more drama (and the person has already blocked me, as they’ve said I believe. So they wouldn’t be seeing this post anyway)
but they posted some really old screenshots from this blog back before there were anons and a discord server, who I now essentially treat as a council (this post will be being read by them before I post. Because I don’t actually trust my own thoughts, especially not when I’m stressed out, shaky, and tired because it’s late at night and I planned to sleep an hour ago)
If you weren’t here back then, I admit this blog was chaotic. I made a mistake pretty much. Not by posting any confessions specifically (even though I admit I didn’t have the council back then so a lot of stuff slipped under the radar and caused drama). I made a mistake by making the blog to begin with.
(Note: I have no regrets. This situation is stressful and scary but I’ve made so many friends here, I wouldn’t trade it for the world!! Let’s hold hands and look into the sunset guys)
And yeah. I admit it was a shitshow. And I admit I posted a lot of confessions that shouldn’t have been posted because I didnt know if I would start more drama by just deleting them and having people ask why. And I apologise for that, I’m genuinely sorry. I really wish I had just kind of purged this blog’s posts past a certain point because god it sucked, but it’s not something I can actually do right now.
But the thing is, I’m pretty sure I’ve apologised for this before. And I won’t hesitate to apologise more however times people need, because some really shitty confessions were posted since I hadn’t ran one of these things in A WHILE.
And I took people’s advice. And I made this blog into a place that I thought was chill and drama free. And it was, i think, at least. But everything goes wrong eventually.
When I made the pinned post, I thought my stance on drama was clear. I said that I would delete the confessions that weren’t just ragebait, but would clearly start drama.
But I don’t think people got the memo.
There was also the mini-fandom thing. But I posted that I was very uncomfortable with it because it could backfire, and it was over.
Unfortunately, saying that I didn’t want there to be a fandom probably didn’t even delay the inevitable. Because now there’s a call out post. And this isn’t a response to the person who made the initial post, this is a response and an apology to everyone else who’s probably wondering what the fuck is actually going on right now.
I hope the person who made the post doesn’t see this, actually. Because they’ve already blocked everyone who’s associated with the blog, and if they do see it then it means that they’ve deliberately unblocked us for whatever reason, and that would only show to me that they want to start drama.
This all could’ve been solved in DMs, or better yet, a simple post that said “hey, I really don’t like this blog. I will be blocking everyone associated with it because I do not like it”. Not a callout post. You never DM’d me, or tried to communicate with me. You saw this blog, talked badly about it for a little bit, then made a call out post on the mod without even exchanging a single word of conversation with me about it.
What’s the fate of this blog? I don’t know. I might go on break. I really don’t want to leave the blog, but for the most part I’ve already left this fandom. I don’t really post stuff on main about it anymore. I still like it, but I don’t engage with it anymore for reasons unrelated. Just interests coming and going. However, I might leave. MIGHT.
if it was just this situation that I was dealing with, then I’d certainly stay. Tumblr call out posts don’t matter much in the long run anyway. But I’ve also got a very stressful personal life and this is the last thing I need.
But I don’t know.
What I hope you took away from this post, though, is this:
1) you can block this blog or blacklist this tag at anytime
2) you can dm me at any time if you have any advice or criticism that you think I can use to improve this blog and make it better
3) I don’t tolerate people starting drama, and I certainly don’t enjoy it either.
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The first thing I'm probably posting here, a remix of In Stars and Time's boss theme made using only the basic NES soundchip.
I would've used the DPCM channel, but my just-picked-up-Furnace ass didn't know how to properly tune and utilize samples. The noise channels already covered percussion anyway so I just went "screw it" and went without organ samples. Does it make this remix worse? Maybe. I don't know.
But for someone that had only picked up Furnace the day before, only powered by sheer ISAT brainrot, I'd say it's pretty decent at least.
Extra notes:
Thanks to:
@thumpypuppy for the original, a well-made chiptune-esque number with quite the thump to it (excuse the pun!).
@sister-ray-6851 for his help in "proofreading" (or whatever the musical equivalent to proofreading is) the work while it was a WIP.
The In Stars and Time Discord server, for their encouragement and positive reception!
And lastly, the team behind Furnace, for their work in making what's arguably one of the best, if not the best, trackers out there.
Alright. I'll be out for now, but I won't be away for long; maybe I'll have some progress updates on my fanfics, or some snippets of that EarthBound-esque Dormont theme remix ready for posting.
Seeya, and remember, you're all forces-a-nature.
P.S. from 9:20 PM. Oh shit, I forgot one last guy. daniel.gollery from ISATcord; he was the one behind a bunch of sheet music arrangements of the ISAT OST; they've been very helpful in deconstructing and recreating this song! Many thanks to him.
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i don’t remember the context of this
#i know it was a thing from a discord server#i don’t think i ever posted it tho#this is from july last year#ninjago#lloyd garmadon#my art#alt's art#shitpost#kai smith#nya smith#kai jiang#nya jiang#cole brookstone#jay walker#zane julien
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zelda truly do be one of the only fandoms where you will get dragged by fellow fans for feeling attachment towards the world and the characters
#thoughts#zelda fandom critical#I know I made a post like this recently#but I watched it happen again to someone else in a discord server I'm in and#I think it comes from a weird defensive place from fans who want to defend their type of investment is the correct one?#but I've never seen anyone invested in narration argue that the gameplay doesn't matter#or that you're even wrong for only caring about that#(also: as if caring about narrative makes it incompatible with being invested in gameplay? which is just... false?)#(maybe one day I'll make a post about everything I did really like and consider exceptional in TotK to counterbalance my other points)#(because there are things in its very philosophy I do consider delightful)#(but. one thing being really nice does not prevent the other aspects from being questionable)
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fandom/fanfic ask 24
24. Funniest fandom-related story?
Wasn't super involved in fandom stuff until I was like 14? But around that time I revisited a fic I had forgotten I already read on Wattpad and found out the creator of the fic and a random dude had been beefing under one of my comments for the past few months and I just stumbled onto it like-
#creator had my back tho sooo 😎#there was also the time a buddy from a UT discord started shipping me and another friend of theirs? (also in the server)#then i got daily updates on the bird child thing in their ark game that they named after us#me and the other person just went with it (we did not know each other lmao)#weird af in hindsight honestly
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BASH IN MY BRAIN AND MAKE ME SCREAM WITH PAIN THEN KICK ME ONCE AGAIN AND SAY WE'LL NEVER PA- 💥💥💥💥💥
(extra versions w/o the text and some rose petals i added last minute as well as an alt font for the text. i am very indecisive.)
#this one took me a while#but im pretty happy w how it turned out#i kept going back and forth tweaking things#had to fix macaque's eye and eyebrows multiple times plus the logistics of the hand holding in the foreground#but this honestly might be one of my best drawings#mmmmmmm i love screentones and hard highlights#shoutout to the ppl in the lmk discord server who watched me post progress pics of this from the sketch to the final result#y'all are cool#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk macaque#lmk wukong#lmk sun wukong#shadowpeach#six eared macaque#sun wukong#cottonart#i spent over 14 hours on this whew i am tired#might take a small break before starting on my other wips#this song lives rent free in my head you don't even know#it's been a while since i've done such a big piece it was kinda refreshing#lmk mk#lmk qi xiaotian#forgot to tag him whoops
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there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it
#its like#people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards#except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that#and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option#and like#vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them#a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr#where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them#part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling#like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other#vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented#like? its not like theres any one way to fandom#and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs#but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like#idk#feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want#.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend#i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me#but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs#which is a very different dynamic#its like. hmmm words#i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages#vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal#if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe#and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need#before returning to it later when i have more time/energy#its got Longevity that discord lacks u know#........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE
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posting about my epic guide website for vocaloid song series namari hime again. Yippie!!!
#posting again mostly because i accidentally deleted my other post................#umm anyway THE WEBBED SITE#currently most up to date guide in english (flex emoji)#the only other decent guide is from (checks notes) 2018 so this is a lot more up to date#and that says a lot cause theres like ZERO namari hime guides#something something im doing my part 🫡#i put a lot of work into the site!!! tbh most of the html kicked my ass#i dont know if i really explain things well um. send me an email if i did bad#ALSO SEND ME AN EMAIL IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE NOVELS#goddamn language barrier.....#ANYWAY SOME SHOUTOUTS!!!#HUGE HUGE THANKS TO THE NAMARI HIME DISCORD SERVER FOR HELPING ME DIG UP THE OLD PAGES FROM THE ARC JORMU SITE#THANKS TO MY BUDDY OAKLEY FOR SOME HTML HELP#AND THANKS TO THE RUSSIAN WIKI PEOPLE I DONT KNOW WHERE ID BE INFO-WISE WITHOUT THEM#anyway. LOOK AT MY SITE BOY!!!!!#mel talks#namari hime#vocaloid
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we have gottttt to start shaming people for saying shit like "fuck the police includes the identity/fandom/whatever police" like 😭 regardless of ur opinions on exclusionism or fandom discourse u have to be able to acknowledge that those are not even close to actual real life cops
#text#just my opinion ✌️#also inb4 someone misinterprets this YES OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE WHO POLICE PPLS IDENTITIES ARE ASSHOLES#& it can have real life harmful consequences#but i just dont think it is on the same level as the state sanctioned violence committed daily and the enforcement of corrupt#policies that cops get paid and congratulated to engage in and etc. i cant possibly list all the things wrong with cops in tumblr tags sorr#youre gonna have to read a book for that one. POINT IS exclusionism and identity discourse absolutely does have lasting real life effects o#people even if it only takes place online (and sometimes is not in fact confined to the internet only).#but cops are like . an institution thatYOU GET WHAT I MEAN IM NOT EXPLAINING THIS ANY MORE#also if u put someone like. kicking u from a discord server for talking abt weird ships on the same level as the atrocities committed#by Actual Real Life Cops i dont even know what to say to u. 😭 get offline and read a fucking book. PLEASE.#discourse
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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fresh new headcanon from reading too much into the prop placement shown in this post:
jamie collects action figures and toy weapons
#jack facts#also i now know where the discord server got the idea he likes transformers#it's because he does. in fact. like transformers#ANYWAY he does that good good reverse maturity thing where as a 23yo he's into it but he's trying to be cool and Elevate it all#(hence the weird gun sculpture lamps)#and then as he gets older he's like actually fuck it and goes ham and has full toy/real-but-from-fiction weapons displays#ted lasso#jamie tartt#hc
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uh oh gang I miss musicals
#aarrggh it's not like I haven't tried/liked any since lockdown started. I enjoyed watt lihn and rtc.#and it's only sort of that I don't know what's up in the current/recent theater scene#I could simply look up what's on and what cast albums have come out lately and pick something#and there have been plenty of cast changes and new productions for stuff I already like!#honestly I think the thing stopping me from getting back into musicals is that I've had a few computer changes since 2020#and lost most of my bootleg collection so I don't really have ways to get new recordings of things I want#and I gather that most of that has moved onto private discord servers in the last two years anyway#and I just neither have the social skills to easily get into those circles nor the money to buy videos direct from masters#like. my friend and I were foiled THRICE from seeing the 50th anniversary jcs tour and they've said several times#that the best present I could get for them would be a video of that production so we could finally watch it together#but I don't even know where to go anymore to check if a video of that tour exists and I doubt I have anything worth trading for it anyway#most nothing problem in the world ik ik. but like. ;-; wanny see me shows...#sorry for being a bit maudlin about musical theater nonsense I'm not expecting any 'there theres'#I just can't really complain about this stuff irl without going through four layers of context first#marina marvels at life
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#tonight im in a 'everyone and everything annoys me' mood apparently#I fuckin hate these moods#they're irrational and unfair but omfg everything is making me want to scream#i bet it's hormonal#which would explain the pain im in today too#fuuuuuck#i feel like crying out if pure frustration#AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S MAKING ME FRUSTRATED#i should probably turn off notifs for everything for the rest of the night#i don't need to go get worked up over something someone says because i read it wrong or it annoyed me#and then heaven forbid RESPOND to it and stick my foot in my mouth and make someone else feel bad#im just not fit for company tonight -- guess its a good thing i don't have anyone to spend the day with lol#ok. gonna go mute my discord servers now -- I'll keep dm notifs on tho in case someone needs l something#gonna try to be scarce from here too#tbd#fox thoughts
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suddenly remembering how we used to write down conversations between our old host and their "ocs" (see: headmates) during school when we were super stressed out. hmm.
#this is from the same time period that we found out Aerina was from so we were def a system but still an egg#still in that all-systems discord rp server while i was doing this and still clueless 😭 like i think abt that fact so often i am Dumb 😭😭#but like. we have a few memories of doing this during exams and things. and we had not had our syscovery yet#but like. in those few fragmented memories. i can Tell there's multiple people there#like?? i don't know how to describe how we know if a memory was formed by multiple of us or just one of us#like if multiple people are near front or if it's just one in that memory#and sometimes we can tell OH that was THAT GUY that makes so much more sense now but not often#but we can tell when a memory is from a cofronting time? idk it's weird#these were conversations with the same guys we had after the syscovery though with a few exceptions#sometimes i wonder if it would be a bad idea to try to find all my old fave fanfics of the time to try to unearth some fictives-#we definitely had at least one. i know for sure. from a specific fic#bc we dressed up as one of those fic characters for halloween#it was specifically a fanfic character that guy was not in the canon whatsoever lmao
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