#i just want him to love me into loving myself yk
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can't take my eyes off you
pairing. kuroo tetsurou x gn!reader
genre. fluff
wc. 1236........
warnings. HIGHLY self indulgent as usual, basically self ship coded but hopefully still entertaining and relatable, reader has confidence/self worth issues, sappy af, almost certainly has grammar mistakes
a/n. based on me hating being photographed irl. also why is writing so fun but so scary. TENSES ARE SO HARD
“tetsurou. if you take one more goddamn picture of me, i swear i’ll—"
the sound of his phone camera capturing a picture cuts you off mid sentence, followed immediately by your huff of frustration.
"you'll what, hmm? you don't scare me."
he flashed you a big cheesy grin, all the while still pointing the camera at you. you scowl at him, ready to risk it all and attempt a lunge at his phone in order to stop this madness.
you hated having your picture taken and he knew it, but for some reason he chose to ignore that fact, as if possessed by the need to piss you off. he could be really good at that when he wanted to be.
as soon as you initiated your plan of attack, your hand getting tantalizingly close to the offending device, he pulled it just out of reach. hopelessly, you flopped back onto the bed, groaning in frustration.
“why do you hate me."
“now now. would my camera roll be full of someone i hate?"
“if you were planning to kill me, yea. besides, i dont think having hideous pictures of me is exactly helping your argument.”
he just rolled his eyes in response.
you heard the shutter sound once more while your defenses were down. the last straw.
before he had time to react, you grabbed the nearest blanket and covered your head with it, holding on tightly so that he couldn't expose you to humiliation all over again. you probably had a better chance of ruining his plans by hiding than by trying to overpower him anyway.
“hey! get back here!"
his attempts to uncover you were met with shrieks of protest and a tightened clutch on the blanket. not to mention a few wild jabs of your limbs into the air, which if he hadn't so skillfully dodged, might have hurt just a little.
“fine. time for me to look through these and admire the fruits of my labor."
you cringed at the thought of how the pictures looked. how you looked. most of them were probably blurry anyways because of the thrashing that you were doing to escape the lense, thank god.
maybe you could persuade him to get rid of them. maybe you could sneak into his phone later and delete them yourself. maybe—
“you're beautiful, you know."
all thoughts of treachery came to a screeching halt. after sitting there with your mouth open in shock for a good few seconds, you shook your head, moving the blanket with it.
“nuh uh."
“yuh huh."
“nope."
“without doubt."
his tone of finality made you want to scream your throat sore, but instead you lay there quietly, silently disagreeing with him again.
it was relatively quiet for far too long after that, with quiet cackles drifting over from the other side of the bed being the only sound you could hear from underneath your shield. presumably brought on by pictures that were extra stupid. not to mention revolting.
your thoughts were spiralling right along with your mood now, eyes almost welling up with tears, but you stubbornly pushed them back. it seemed ridiculous to get this worked up over something that wasn't necessarily that serious. kuroo was just trying to be playful and you knew that. it was hard not to feel this way, though, especially when it came to something that was such a big insecurity.
he sighed loudly, snapping you out of your head momentarily.
“can you please come out from under there? i swear the camera's not open. i put the phone down and everything.”
“liar."
“am not! i just wanna see your pretty face with my own eyes now."
you grumbled a weak protest before relenting.
“fine. but i swear if you—"
“would you just hurry up already."
“oh my god, alright."
you slowly pulled the blanket from your face, and you could see that he was telling the truth. for now at least. he was lying there right next to you, already staring, as if straight into your soul. god, you wanted to shrivel up and disappear immediately.
“it's rude to stare, you know."
“don’t care."
you felt so awkward and exposed, and the only thought in your mind now was getting out of this conversation.
you started to try and untangle yourself from the blankets and get up out of the bed, only to feel your own arm being pulled out from under you. falling back next to kuroo, you covered your face and made a noise of frustration.
the first thing you saw after pulling your hands from your face again were those amber eyes still fixed on you, a slight grin on that smackable face.
“ummmm, hello? can I leave?"
he shrugged.
“you can do whatever you want."
you tried to sit up and leave again, only to be pulled right back down next to him a second time.
“i- what's happening right now?”
“good question. i changed my mind, you don't get to leave anymore.”
you masked your face with a deadpan expression, only because you were desperately trying to avoid giving him the satisfaction of seeing you crack a smile.
“are you serious right now?"
“as the plague."
at that, you couldn't help but snort.
“and why is it that you're trapping me here?"
“i decided that you have to lie here and listen to me tell you why you're amazing."
“yea, sure, whatever you say."
“i really can make you a list if you want. although i think it would take less time to make a list of reasons why i don't like you."
“i pick that one."
“ha! nice try. hmm, now let's see... you're endlessly stubborn. quiet and standoffish with most people.”
you raised an eyebrow. maybe this wouldn't be so difficult after all.
“though still kind to everyone who deserves it. alluring. determined. passionate even when it's hard. you care so much that it's scary sometimes. ”
you avoided eye contact. okay. at this point you were starting to feel far too exposed again.
"you try way too hard to keep people at arm's length, but if they're lucky enough to be loved by you, they're taken care of whenever, wherever. you're smart, even if you don't think it's true. stunning as well as irresistible.”
when he said that, he caressed your cheek while you basically became one with the mattress.
“and so independent that it feels like you don't need me around sometimes. but also soft and gentle and giving.”
his voice had dropped almost to a whisper when he spoke those last words. at this point, your face was nearly burning off. you were almost sure that he could feel the heat radiating from you.
“okay, okay—"
“and, oh yea, did i mention beautiful? enough to be my wallpaper."
he picked up his phone and flashed it at you, a slightly blurry picture from not twenty minutes before illuminating the screen. you could tell he was proud of himself from the smug grin stretched across his face.
“you're an ass."
“come onnnnn, you love me, admit it.“
right then, your chest swelled with affection for him, so much that it felt like you could suffocate. still, you paused just long enough for him to start acting offended, before smiling softly and speaking quietly.
“yea, i really do. thank you, tetsurou.”
thank you for reading! <3 — txmxkis
#kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo tetsurou x reader#kuroo fluff#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#haikyuu fluff#hq fluff#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu drabbles#haikyuu scenarios#hq imagines#hq drabbles#hq scenarios#what up its ya boy with more self indulgent as fuck writing#i just want him to love me into loving myself yk#anyways happy valentine's day!!!#screams and runs away#[☂] — rini writes!
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As a certified Springtrap simp, which backstory for William do you prefer: one where he was a good dad driven mad maybe by jealousy or the loss of his youngest child, or one where he was always an abusive narcisist that cared for nobody but himself?
i feel like the, "im evil so i must also abuse my creations and/or children" has been really overdone. like idk im just tired of seeing it personally. and the whole "haha!!! im craaaazy!!" thing we get in the comics also rubs me the wrong way b/c. thats not. how he's portrayed in the games at all. esp hearing him in sister location he feels like he would be a calm sort of madness. he seems like a rational guy. he doesnt talk like that. he doesnt act like that. it seems really contradictory
i feel like him being a good dad (or at the least caring deeply for his children) gives him more urgency and like,,,,makes sense w/what we're given. it aligns the most w/the theories we have asta why he started killing etc. i also just enjoy the tragedy of it. he started out as a good guy w/good intentions and then was twisted inta something unrecognizable b/c he was so focused on tryin ta reach his goal. personally my hc is that he was jelly of henry and then the death of crying child tipped him over the edge and started his whole killing thing. imo its better than, "hee hoo i was evil FOREVER!! im PURE evil and have always been EVIL!!!" like. okay. wheres the subsistence?? give him depth dammit
why would he build a robot for his daughter if he didnt love her. why would he tell crying child he would put him back together if he didnt love him (not really cemented as something he said, but i mean who else would say it?? certainly not michael he was a boy. i think as a fandom we assume its heavily implied). it makes the afton kid's deaths so much more impactful. the prospect of this man losing pieces of his life bit by bit and being driven insane by it is enthralling
i love a good chaotic descent. i love thinking abt him being consumed w/a need ta revive his own son becoming obsessed w/life and death as a result. oh the irony of loving your own kid so much you would take others children away from them, knowing how losing your own felt. and the twisting of emotions as he sees his son michael someone who he would've died for, try ta stop him. b/c hes not understanding, they need ta b together again. thats all hes tryin ta do. get his family back tagether. and all these fucking obstacles are in the way of his only goal. and the manifestation of hatred of his own son b/c of this. b/c hes getting in his way. like, talk abt juicy. i want that man ruined. it just adds a layer of psychological torture that i just adore. william fucking ruined everything. he ruined his own happy family, he ruined his own life, and if he actually mourns that? chefs kiss.
my thought is, why even have him have a family in the first place if they're just there ta demonstrate he's evil? seeing the afton family purely as a plot device, we already know afton killed kids. one can assume a person who kills kids is a bad person (maybe? see this is where the juiciness comes in w/him caring for his children. is it really bad from his perspective if hes trying ta save his kid? or is it noble?) so we dont need ta b demonstrated ta that hes a bad person again. if hes just pure evil from the get go it doesnt make sense ta me ta have the afton kids be prominent in the story (besides michael, but even then he could probably be replaced by one of the victims family members) when you could illustrate the same point by focusing on the kids hes killed and their families. why do the afton kids matter if he treats all children the same. why are we focusing so much on the afton family and what appear ta b major story beats in their story, especially since the children he has killed do not get as fleshed out as the aftons do. i feel like if his family wasnt important ta him we wouldnt hear abt it at all. you could achieve the same message by making him single and childless.
do u kno how many stories there are of "Righteous Child Of A Horrible Guy Who Hates Everything, Even Their Own Family, Goes Out Ta Stop Their Parent And Save The Day" there are? its b/c its too easy!!! its too easy for u ta assume that a character is the worst and has been the worst forever!!! its too easy ta assume that an evil character would abuse their family!!! its too easy ta assume an evil character wouldn't have traits besides jealousy, hatred and narcissism!!!!
#spacie splains#idk i think of things really objectively#i dont like clutter in my stories i like things ta have a point#and i like them ta serve a purpose and be unique. not just demonstrate the same facts over and over again#unless thats like a theme and intentional but yk#like i said i dont like the 'im evil and treat my family like shit' trope#overdone ta hell and back#so its a personal thing#thank you for asking me abt this! i love talking abt him as u can see :)#give me morally grey characters give me characters who descend inta the worst version of themselves for ways they could have prevented#give me characters who know they're spiraling give me characters who know its wrong but cant stop#give me characters who do horrible things for a cause that is sentimental and noble ta them#give me characters who you can understand why they did that even if it was awful#WOW I TALKED A LOT#.....8 years of brainrot‚ even if i wasnt conscious of it#I DONT LIKE THE EASY ROAD!!! I DONT WANT TA BLINDLY HATE HIM I WANT 2 THINK!!!#i like these rants i do so ill tag him#as a treat ta myself#william afton#fnaf#you: ask me a simple 'hey which one do u prefer?' me: here is my whole dissertation on the subject that is william afton
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omfg 😭
#₊˚ପ⊹ soliloquy .ᐟ#i saw that post going around#the one about “which character would you remove from a show for a petty reason”#and like listen#i fucking despise the character trope: “boo hoo i have such big dreams but i was born powerless in a place full of powerful people 🥺🥺”#“but then One Fateful Day i became the CHOSEN ONE”#“and hence began my journey to becoming the MOST POWERFUL OF ALL TIME!!”#genuinely i HATE that entire character archetype#and i was about to say with my full chest that i want deku completely wiped off the face of earth#because he's a trademark for that type of character yk and i HATE him so fucking much#but i realized just in time that the op loves deku 😭#and now that would be rude of me if i said his name in the tags to that post#so i'll say it here 😭😭#for a more petty reason i also want him gone because i want uraraka for myself </3#i cannot bear to watch her resigned to her fate of being the male protag's love interest/his wife at the end of the series#like my pretty girl you deserve so much more than that#perhaps if they don't end up together i will allow him to live#unless and until them?? i want him GONE
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mmh...
#y'all am i broken or smth pls guide me through this#why do i find it so hard to have crushes or date or meet someone new#like i instantly panic when someone gives any hints or someone close to me talks about 'knowing'#someone#like my mom told me about a guy she/her friend knows and asked me if id like to meet him#and nothing about him seems wrong but my mind just instantly goes 🚨🚨🚨 like WHY#like i feel it in my throat#also i do not like those 100 rituals that desi parents fall into the moment their kid tells them they like someone#that whole tumult around it and the 'NOW Y'ALL GOTTA MARRY' bs#but it's not just that i rlly dunno what it is about meeting ppl or relationships like i just wanna be alone and#write my shit and live my life yk#but also i want love#LIKE HELP WHYYYYYY#actually i honestly feel like ive written too many stories about romance and ruined reality for myself LOL#but yeah idk.. this makes me anxious but maybe ill still meet him#bc you never know#yk
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10:40
Secret history Tails is obsessed with Sonic, in the way that he was obsessed with being HIS friend. His BEST friend. His sole purpose? To be Sonic's best friend. It was emphasized so much, with the repeating term of "best friend", whenever a character met their demise.
He's basically obsessed with having a friend, a brother. He's obsessed with what he played on as "the truth". When behind the screens, it was nothing like that.
#time diary(?)#audrey/kellie's time diary#dunno why i wanted to say this#but like. obsession is kinda just read as in a romantic sense. yk? “hes so obsessed with her he wants to marry her” etc etc#take the yandere for an example! simple and cut-dry. obsessed with you ina romantic love interest way#secret history tails is obsessed with being a friend. a best friend at all. but nonetheless. he wants to be a friend#that was his goal from the start. and thats his reason for even being around the franchise. his obsession is one of familial & friendship#dunno why i made this tho.. just wanted to talk about him and his obsession since it may get written in some of him#being in love with sonic. some people are like that. (im just expecting the worst. since thats more- easier for me?? udhsjdh)#dunno how to explain myself.#ough#uogh. like i said. dunno why I'm talking about this. at all yo#secret history tails
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inuokko.... yuu2... yuwuta do i dare ask you how you feel about okkofushi next?
ofc you can but be prepared for me to be very unnormal about everything mentioned in this ask 😁😁🤒
#anonymous#can you..... tell i like yuuta :/#i also love to think about how all his pairings pan out + reader bc its very <3 to me why have one when u can have fun!#i think inuokko is the most fair/even they both approach u at the same time and want the 3 of u to work#yuuji and yuuta.... bites hand.... gathers myself...... how do i say this......#feels like yuuta thinks yuuji is way too cute for his own good + youre cute with yuuji#and yuuta leans very quickly that he likes the feeling of having u both admire him... having people to protect and want to keep to himself.#ANYWAY! okkofushi rise but theyre tough i feel like it takes a while#lots of dancing around each other and dancing around you#megumi swears he's over his crush on yuuta bc he has a crush on you (which he will deny and take to his grave if he can help it)#but somehow along the way you and yuuta become friends and it's. a lot for megumi lets just say that#think u and yuuta have to find a way to make a move on megumi because hes..... special <3 lets say that#anyway...........................#in general tho im not picky or have particularly strong feelings about ships in general so in addition to loving yuuta#thats part of the reason i like all of these <2#as far as jjk goes there's only two ships i would say i dont like/dont care to talk about but it's like. im not gonna rag on it either yk 😭#honestly tho... even tho i am biased and the most informal about yuuta and yuuji at least u didn't ask about itafushi...#the things i could say... lord...
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learning to enjoy exercise hehe ive been trying to find what feels good nd what feels achievable and i think im starting to get it :) this time ive been so focused on reframing exercise to be positive and more about health rather than weight and its such very intentional shift to make and its easy to fall back from it but i feel like im getting closer to something :( even when i was little i thought sm about my body, but now i feel like im finally seeing the progress ive nurtured through learning to be warm to myself again
#mine#nutrition and exercise is also just one of those topics that goes in so many diff directions with so many variables#so i find it fun to look into and then take what i can from it and apply it where i can yk :)#being in love makes me want to take care of myself more. by loving him i start loving me while knowing its already possible
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ahsgsjaugejwjg
#sh/sui warning for tags#been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/#which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk#idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me#and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything#but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time.#like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down#to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk#and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me#and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk.#and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt#one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around#the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a#second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk#i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to#and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared.#idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily.#i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of#thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk.#ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they#kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit#it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to#bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed#and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it#personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was#suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better#rambles#vent
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"Why did you choose to join the Scouts, anyway?" it was a question that has been bugging Stiles for awhile now, ever since that night.
"I mean, don't get me wrong-" he began before Derek could get any words out, "- but you never made any indication that you would join Scouts. It doesn't make sense, you're in the top ten. The Big Ten. You know, the elite ones who get the secret third option?? Why not join Lydia and finally live an easy life? If I were you- like, with your life story and everything not just your body and flexibility which, by the way, should be illegal- I would have chosen that. Give myself a break, you know?"
It wasn't until then that Derek regarded Stiles with his attention. There was something in his eyes, an intensity that Stiles would sometimes catch glimpses of any now and then but it has never been pushed so forward into his hands. He could barely breathe while looking into them, getting lost in the forest that was hiding inside Derek Hale's eyes.
"Everyone I care about is going there." the answer came so nonchalant from him, like the confession wasn't life changing. But Stiles found his answer not in his friend's words, but while finding his way out of Derek's eyes.
"Because you're going" it went unsaid, locked deep inside the greens and the browns. In the way the eyes softened for a moment when he said 'care' and tried to break contact on 'going there' before thinking better of it. In the little frown while saying 'everyone', like that wasn't the right word but he didn't- or couldn't?- say anything else.
And Stiles? Didn't know what to do with that confession. With the knowledge that Derek gave up everything just to stay stuck with skinny, defendles, most likely to end up Titan food during his very first expedition outside the walls, Stiles.
Because Stiles was ready to die just for an eclipse of freedom, but was he ready to take Derek with him?
#my brain going brrr with the new season of attack on titan coming#but oh why Derek the loner who straight up growled at anyone getting close to him now ready to face death just to spend one last moment#with the people (Stiles) he cares about. willing to let himself hurt again by letting people in. determined to protect Stiles until his#last breath#teen wolf derek hale#derek hale#teen wolf stiles#stiles stilinski#teen wolf sterek#sterek#aot au#since then they became inseparable your honor#this is the closes you can get to a love confession in the world of attack on titan#dabble#short fiction#or more like little scene from something that could be very big if someone (aka me) could make themselves write it#I do have some ideas for a fic not gonna lie but yk for me aot ended when they saw the ocean for the first time#i can't write what's going on next cuz I barely understand it myself. is mostly war and suffering anyway#not like I'm making one of them (not giving name to avoid spoilers in case I do write smth after all) survive that long anyway#Stiles only wants to see what's outside of the walls :( and help with experimenting on titans. but that only a little#love confessions#teen wolf
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repeat after me kids: just because they’re not talking to you doesn’t mean they hate you and are replacing you with their boyfriend!
#sigh#one of my friends hasn’t talked to me on the phone in like a week and a bit because she’s spending all of her time with her boyfriend#and like. i know that he’s a priority yk? they’re really happy together and i’m beyond happy for her#but like.#i’m getting left behind#we usually talk every night and now it’s rare i even get a text back in two hours when i ask if she’s free to facetime#i’ll text her at 6 and won’t get a response until 11:30 or later because she’s spent her whole night with him and hasn’t bothered to respond#and i know she’s on her phone at least part of the time because A. she’ll sometimes still snap me and B. she’s always on her phone#and i mean i get that a snap is way less energy than a text#but it’s not hard to just say ‘ah sorry i’m with [name] can i call you when he leaves?’#she never bothers to try and find a time to talk with me#and it’s making me want to isolate myself because it’s bringing in self deprecating thoughts#which is really really bad because that’s usually the start of a depressive episode for me- self isolation.#she’s making me feel shitty even though it’s not really her fault#i feel like s3 will right now#i hate that we all had to grow up#because everyone is doing stuff at the normal age while i’m getting left behind#one friend is in college having fun and meeting guys that she’s happy with#another is in love and is in the SWEETEST relationship and is incredible at her sport#another is also in love and is also doing incredible at her sport and spends nearly all her time with her boyfriend#meanwhile- me? sure i’ve been in love but i kept it to myself and repressed it for a year.#i don’t leave my house because i only have a couple friends and the ones i do are too busy with their other friends and boyfriends to#have any time left to hang out with me#and there’s nothing close to my house that i can go do by myself#i’m stuck on the same girl i’ve had feelings for for months#i just feel stuck and left behind#like all my friends have grown up and i’m just permanently a kid who doesn’t have anything going on in their life#i hate high school. and i hate myself.#fuck.#tw vent
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Nooo the trans allegory is also a Big one for me in that song, but I know not everybody is about Trans Aoki so I figured it went well with his disabilities regardless. And like yeah blah blah basic whatever, idc y'know, I'm here to enjoy life so imma listen to music people don't like 😂🤣
But you're so real for the trans Aoki thoughts okay.... I love both cis and trans interpretations of the Boy bc he's fits very well in both categories. It's all just spice y'know!! You sprinkle some of this... Some of that... And tomorrow you make a new dish! Love moving head canons around for funsies
Anyway ty for validating my music choices 🫡 good luck charging your phone
i dont really hc charas any particular sexuality or gender since i always feel weird about it its called being BORING its what I AM but its the way i was playin y7 and just kept jokin bout it every time the game gave me a chance until the very last scene then i was just like.. hm... feels less like a joke to me now... its just what my eyes perceive at this point.. sorry...
but i got you covered with music choices man !!!! i like most music even if it can be considered 'overplayed' or 'generic' like idk man... if it makea me feel ima listen to it..
#snap chats#love how i forgot the Eyes lyrics to Body when it's deadass the first line.. STUPID ASS !!!!!!!#but anyways. yeah it been a hot year since i talked bout trans aoki LMAO#honestly if it wasnt for the fact i saw korean artists draw aoki with top scars (and specifying they were TS scars) then id prob just like#be quiet about it. cause most of the time i was just jokin like the whole injections bit and his voice being hoarse in eng#and nasally in jp... lol.... the jokes were being lined up for me... and then he went and changed his name#and got surgery that made him feel more at home in his body... LIKE THEY PROVIDE NON-TRANS REASONS WHY HE DOES THIS#I KNOW but thats why i just kept /jokin/ bout it cause i was like 'lmao' yk. Lmao congrats your accidental trans rep is republican#AND THAT'S WHY IT'S FUNNY TO HC HIM AS TRANS CAUSE HE SUCKS !!!!! i want more shitty people as trans rep#im p sure im the only one who 'openly' hcs him trans but not even. like i remember twitter was Allegedly mad at me for drawing aoki a lot#and they made a point bout me makin him trans but like... i never even 'publicly' made him trans..#when i'd draw aoki without a shirt i'd give him scars but those were from his lung surgery.. lmao...#not my fault the scars look Like That... cause i like drawing scars leave me alone...#my DB followers know i was obsessed with drawing yamcha's leg scar from when his leg was broken#Truly just a coincidence but also not cause it Was lowkey intentional but anyways.. lol...#i remember the period where people were askin me bout the hc.. hehe...#My Apologies for going on the Trans Aoki rant i still do very much like to joke bout it with myself.... it was too real to me...#every time i think of The Specifics i start to get like 👁️👁️ because then it gets too real so i gotta stop before i start crying....#it's not that the HC is personal or deep to me or anything it's just funny <- in denial for the bit#anyway.. i havent been able to be productive all day so !! time to start i have a really hectic week and its only getting worse (╯▽╰ )#thanks for letting me ramble... and feel validated for being delulu...#lowkey funny that While True you said not everyone's about the HC Which Is True it's why i dont talk about it a lot#but like... Not To Be Presumptuous And Self-Important but i do remember being one o the first people to bring it up with other aoki fans..#imagine me not being abot my own hc.. or at least one i stand heavily by... lmao..
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fuuta currently having a LOT of innocent votes i am very happy about that
#starry#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#but also milgram is so complex that i cannnot be fully happy about it still#yk that post 'you love a character but you'll riot if they don't get punched at least once' yeah that's me w fuuta#but also it's weird to say that bcs i REALLY see myself in him LMFAO (not to an even remotely similar extent tho omg dw </3)#but yeah i understand him and with that said. yeah. yeah#he deserved the first guilty vote but please. i think he really does deserve innocent after that#i just hope he learns to accept his mistake/s.......... but it's still confusing. he's a victim of sorts but to what extent are his 'sins'?#i wonder. truly. i truly wonder.#milgram is so wonderful to me bcs wow. haruka was influnced by muu and him in the 1st and 2nd trials. different#yuno's 'crime' i don't consider a crime and thankfully many don't as well but i wonder too how exactly it is as well?#+ the fact is it happened multiple times and she just doesn't care at all. girlboss love her fr but time and time again and it feels a bit#more eh to me. ultimately though she can do whatever she wants! it's her body after all <3 love yuno fr she's the most normal here lol#fuuta. he is alike to kotoko and the viewers but he is deemed guilty (for the first trial)#perhaps his personality? it's weird to me bcs ofc i can't say for certain yet. but from what i do know#he feels regret. and i think even though he is obviously in denial. i think he knows what he did is wrong. and that he is at least somewhat#at fault. but a lot of people don't understand characters like that it seems! yeah... hmmm#i am obsessed with backdraft. also really happy this is the first time i've been here for a release even if i wish i knew this all earlier#a small theory (just a random one) is that w muu and fuuta? bully and bullied yeah but what if it was different at first#that fuuta was bullied. and muu was the bully (in their respective stories) and then the tables turned#just a small theory! trying to read the lyrics sobbing and also relating it to the other person in the pair#really glad he's being voted mostly innocent thank GOD#haruka is really a dilemma though... even i don't know what would be best. leaning towards guilty#but innocent ultimately? but there's the fact with muu that makes it really...... complex.#anyways really unfair imo kotoko was innocent and fuuta guilty in the first trial. love kotoko and her undercut but it's a lil#of double standards for me! even though i love a girlboss fr <3 </3#tbh saying fuuta 'still doesnt think hes at fault' is stupid imo bcs he shows regret. all this time. regret.#and that shows that he - one way or another - knows he's at fault at least somewhat#fuuta kajiyama
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#I’m only starting to process everything now bc I went right back to work when I came from Spain but I just want to say#yk the trip was really really difficult for me for several different reasons piling onto each other and I was seriously considering leaving#before afhf and spent a lot of the trip crying and honestly don’t know what I would do if people like Lisa Ali and Raina weren’t there for#and with me and I’ll always be grateful to them#BUT I want to say that the festival itself was so healing like so so so healing I can’t even begin to express it#to watch louis do what he does - even before he was on stage it was so clear he was so involved with the entire concept of the festival and#and the whole thing was such a perfect vision and it was so fan oriented even with free water and vegan food and stuff#to watch the other bands perform (because there’s just nothing in this world that I love more than music and concerts)#and then watch him on stage himself was so incredible he was so so so incredible and he gave me so much joy and idk strength to keep going#and motivation and like I felt alive and myself again after quite some time and he as the person who stood there was just unbelievable and#in the context of my trip being what it was it was just ….. yeah I can’t describe it#and this in combination with the community that was there and the energy of the crowd which nobody else but louis has actually and the#fact that you really feel like you’re a part of sth it was magical#and by that I just want to say i know I complained a lot but it meant the absolute world to me to be there despite everything and louis#really is a walking beacon of light saving me again and again#Harry’s show this year probably changed the course of my life for a few reasons and it really was one of the most important moments for me#but watching louis reminded me of that and more and just yea#made me feel like myself again and I love him and I know I’m not the only one for whom the festival was so healing <3
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i love final fantasy.
#🌙.rambles#like. uh. mostly ffxiv rn i just can't think straight bcs i just love ffxiv too much fuck but#other ffs too 😭😭 i was looking through some of my notes again n. i'm. it. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY#like yk those twt stuff from sqex or wtvr. i love squall n rinoa sm n then tidus n yuna n then#THE REST OF THEM N#n. w ff7 uh. fuck the fanwars just enjoy what you like i hate how ppl put others down. those adults can't even be mature or open-minded#n it's so disappointing but uh that aside! personally. this is for me okay. i just have a certain fondness of ships w aerith#no i don't want to talk abt ships but i didn't want to say this following thing without some context 💀#nah okay here i don't have super strong feelings abt any of those ff7 ships but i do like the charas n the tropes#like. i like the ones w aerith more in general bcs yk she's just. gentle. i like her 🥺 but i relate to tifa quite a lot actually#OH. I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE ABT THAT WAIT#w tifa just made me rmb along w. smth in shb made me think of hehe. yk w the wol w the uh.. spoilers but smth Bad happens#i'm gna go off-topic again if i talk about emet-selch in those scenes. bro the love he has for azem n hyth n. amaurot n how he#all those. lonely thousand of years n. remembering.. 🥹 n then the honesty w the wol n he#he. hdkafjsdlkf his va's rlly did well w him n the writing made me love him so much his character's so dear to me#wait. i went off-topic again. oh w smth that happens to the wol. like w wol n the tifa can i just have a dream too of like. being saved#like no ultimately i'll save myself but c'monnnn just once 🥺#writing the word once just always reminds me of zack fair damn hdlfkajsdfk one of my favs too hehe#head in hands i'm still so proud of alphi's chara development. n then. yk w thancred n minfilia n ryne.#n that talk w minfilia n ryne. hit. too personal. i remember. oh my god#alr i've just been rambling as i always have but atp i don't know what i'm writing abt anymore help#🥹🫶🏼 just love ffxiv so much fr. like not just ffxiv but yk what i mean. uwahh what a relief to. feel like this again at least#still stressed i just wna get that essay asap tho 😭 but yk it's lovely at least i'm rlly happy i remember again.#ffxiv's always. helped guide me in a way to rmb myself. so. please. please just listen to ffxiv's ost fr.
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kk i’m torn between am i ever gonna say anything like. fr to her. or just let this go. i don’t think i can let it go ik you don’t need to closure in every situation but like. i do this time. but im in no rush to have the feelings talk. actually i am it’d be nice to just get it out
#would be sort of funny to ruin their one year anniversary. or embarrass myself depending on how u look at it.#idk man im just tired of feeling like my feelings might be put on blast between them and im not even the one acting like a freak.#and then they just get to carry on in their stupid little relationship#just once i'd like to throw it back in her face like i think your bf is pathetic for the way things have been handled#and ive been nothing but kind and respectful to both of u (even if im privately seething). and i dont deserve to be#an ego boost#or to like. have to suffer all this confusion just because their relationship is insecure and stupid.#and also it's pretty dang naive to think you're gonna fucking marry your first love but i wont say that one out loud.#esp yk. given how weak the foundation is. lmfao#yea we got together bc he was obsessed w me from the start#(ofc) and then we’d get wasted and hang out and wake up together and i realized i liked him because i wanted to make a playlist for him#instead of studying for a midterm and then i initiated our first kiss really drunk and he later said it was a bad kiss#makes me sick to think she’d ever simp for him sorry that’s mean to say. like whoops jk totally cool for her#whatever. i’m sure beyond that they’re um… great…#i say the same shit to u guys over and over sorry imagine being up here tho 24/7.#can’t wait to go home so i can just write abt it except i can’t bc i’m so busy today lol#lol o ya i’m like straight but he freaks out when he sees me interact with u. lol
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#i should have gone into fucking acting bc apparently I’m goddamn Oscar level#just got told I would be given additional responsibilities on the pilot perimeter#bc ‘clearly you’re having a blast with it’#which is just. mhhm. mhhm.#unless ‘having a blast with it’ means ‘hating it so much it occasionally makes me want to die’#then I must be doing one hell of a fucking job on my poker face during our briefings for him to think that#i did freeze up a bit when he said it as evidenced by the slightly awkward silence that followed but well#i didn’t break into hysterical sobbing/laughter when he said it which is already impressive and like#I haven’t actually done theatre in years so yk I can cut myself some slack on that#but yeah. the one perimeter I actually did vaguely enjoy working on (by which I mean it doesn’t make me want to stab a pen through my eye)#is getting cut#and the one that actively Does make me revert to thought patterns I worked very hard to leave behind#is getting multiplied and actively delegated entirely To Me#good times. love living and being alive and getting up in the morning.#.txt#next challenge: two day business trip where I will have to continue conning everyone on my team into believing#that I somehow Am the competent and well adjusted person (they think) they’ve been working on#it’s a relatively easy image to maintain when it’s all teams calls and strategically switched off cameras#it’s going to be trickier in person from 8 am to 10 pm for two days nonstop#ah well. in the meantime. back to it I suppose#don’t mind the morning angsting on your dash I just need to put this somewhere#it’s part of the ‘not breaking into vaguely concerning hysteria during meetings’ process#working with* not on
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