#i just block and move on. i've made that boundary clear and i've never been mean to anyone about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

e-the-village-cryptid · 2 years

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Hey I’m also queer and I use it as an identity label. I don’t agree with people excessively trigger tagging it when it’s not necessary, but I’d really suggest you educate yourself on its history as a slur. I am a gay trans man, so this is absolutely not terf rhetoric from me. But I was called queer in a derogatory way my entire life because I lived in a rural area where it was absolutely used as a slur. Maybe consider that ppl asking for trigger tags are also LGBT and not your enemy lol

Like go ahead and isolate yourself from other queer ppl all you want but just bc some ppl are genuinely triggered by the term doesn’t mean they’re attacking you for using it, lmfao

I know you probably mean well by this ask, and I see where you're coming from. I disagree, but I will give a good faith answer in return.

To understand where I'm coming from, let's compare the words queer and gay. Both words originally referred to general sexual deviancy in a pejorative sense, only later being reclaimed as proudly worn identities. Both words have been used as slurs for a long time afterwards, queer being more popular in the mid 20th century and gay gaining popularity as a slur in the later 20th into the 21st century.

I know way more queer people in real life who have a complicated relationship with the word gay than the word queer because gay was the word that was slung at them as an insult and a weapon their entire childhood. Gay was The insult of the 80s, 90s, and 00s. Anything bad, or weak, or stupid was "gay". There were whole campaigns to try to stop the use of gay as an insult, that's how bad it got. It's given a lot of people a lot of pain connected with the word.

But I have never, ever, seen someone tag a post "g slur". Why? Two words, both initially pejorative, both reclaimed, both continuously used liberally by those who hate us as a slur and an insult. Isn't it interesting how the more inclusive of those two words was targeted in a concentrated effort that started just a few years ago in terf communities? Isn't it interesting how the more narrow, less inclusive word, despite being the one more recently used as a slur and insult, despite the people in the community who still flinch when they hear it, was simply left alone?

To be clear, I don't think that we should be trigger tagging gay, or starting some "gay is a slur!" movement. I'm just pointing out parallels and questioning why the attitude towards two words with similar histories are so vastly different.

Educate myself on its history? I know it was used as a slur. So was gay, so was lesbian, so was every goddam word we have ever used to describe ourselves because it is not the words they find disgusting, it is us. Queer has been reclaimed and used in a neutral or positive way for decades and decades.

Context matters. "you dirty queer" = slur "I went to the queer student group meeting last week" = not a slur "ew that's so gay" = slur "I came out as gay when I was 16" = not a slur

No one is denying that queer has been and can still be used as a slur. But this specific "queer is a slur in any context!" movement legitimately did come out of terf communities in the last few years. I'm not accusing you of being associated with terfs. But "queer is a slur and triggering no matter how it's used" is terf rhetoric, and they've managed to spread it beyond their community. To claim that a word that has been reclaimed for decades and used in a neutral-to-positive context is a slur is disingenuous, and they know it, but they've successfully gotten other people to parrot it by hiding it under a layer of false concern.

One final thought: I have literally never seen anyone ask for queer to be tagged because they personally are triggered by the word. It's always people speaking on behalf of some hypothetical person who can't stand to even see my identity written out in a neutral-to-positive context. And if anyone really is so genuinely triggered by the term that they can't even stand to read it, they can just filter the post content, tumblr lets you do that.

#also i don't see people who tag my posts with 'q slur' as my enemy i just silently block them and i've said that #because it upsets me and i don't want to deal with that #if people can be upset by the word queer and not want to deal with that #then i can be upset by them saying my identity is a slur and not want to deal with that #do i think they're attacking me for calling myself queer? no #do i want to deal with people parroting regressive terf rhetoric that only emerged recently? also no #i just block and move on. i've made that boundary clear and i've never been mean to anyone about it #ask tag #queer #an e original

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lazyneonrabbitt · 7 months

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Lip/Reader/Carmy where babysitting turns into roommates for life.

You were Lip's bff with benefits, and now years later after both going your own way you're with Carmy. Very low key still, just kisses and cuddles.

You and Carmy made your way back home, he'd walk you to your apartment before turning back one block to his. On the way you pass the bar street where you almost get hit by a guy being thown out of the bar. "Hey go fuck yourself!"

You froze and turned around, immediately jogging up to the source of the cursinf you knew all too well. "Carmy help me keep him upright." He complies and helps the stranger while you grab his face in your hands to make him look at you. "Hey, calm down please?" Your voice caught his attention and he quickly stopped (barely) struggling against Carmy's grip. "Hey Lip. This is Carmen." You gesture at your boyfriend. "We're taking you to his place, I'll be there too and you're gonna sleep off whatever you got going on."

You and Carmy watched over Lip through the night, you talked about your past with with him. Whwn Lip woke in the morning, Carmen was the one who gave him something for the hangover as they introduced themselves while you showered.

Babysitting Lip while he got rid of his hangover turned into you quickly and officially moving into Carmen's place and cashing in a week's worth of vacation days while Carmen made sure all alcoholic beverages were taken back to his restaurant and his meds were there too in case Lip would have a bad day and try something. He knew all about it so he took all the precautions he knew about. You had told him all about Lip's past and saw his younger self during his New York days. The two guys started to appriciate each other fairly quickly, even though Carmen was still very wary due to the history you have with Lip, especially when he came home and found him asleep on rhe couch with his head in your lap. He only walked over to you after you gave him the big, sad puppydog eyes and held your hands up asking for a hug. You managed to grab onto his face and pull him in for a 'There is nothing to worry about here' type of kiss.

Sober Lip was a nice addition to your home. He had been staying with you for a while now, not trusting himself enough to be alone and seriously debated asking to stay. He'd chip in for rent and groceries, clean, whatever it took.

So you three sat down one night to talk. Both the boys respected what you were, and are to the other and agreed to all living together and respect all set boundaries. Lip had the spare room cleared out for himself and everything else was shared.

By this time you and Carmy still never slept together. One evening getting into a rather ..personal and intimate conversation that Lip accidentally overheard. The next day he carefully mentioned it to Carmy when you were showering, offering his advice and knowledge on the topic of pleasing you. "How about I show you? Tonight, I've seen your bed, it's big enough for us three."

And that's how you ended up naked in your bed with your two gorgeous, amazing boys, completely fucked out and happy. That's also the night you three started sharing one bed every night.

#sometimes i write #the bear #shameless #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #lip gallagher #carmen berzatto x reader #lip gallagher x reader #gallzatto x reader

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butwhatifidothis · 1 year

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I did a quick look around the other day and noticed edelstans have been digging through blogs pulling up old buried discourse

Ofc r/axis jumps on that bandwagon cuz he openly admits he loves toxic behavior arguing . His behavior has so many red flags and to top it off it screams stalker. (Btw your username appears under his 2022 most reblogged from list)

Then he acts like it's not his creepy behavior that's wrong its everyone else who is wrong. Like boy, are you even self aware?

No means no. Block means stop interacting with the person who blocked you. It does NOT mean "oh I've been blocked so let me stalk them and use every other means to reach them!!"

But what can I expect from edelstans who are so obsessed with their imperialist waifu and can't let her go while the rest of fandom moves on. Its like they're so mad people have lost interest that they're resorting to digging up buried discourse to get attention.

Most users who have criticized their fav imperalist warmonger have blocked the edelstans and moved on to other things. (even r/axis openly admits he's been blocked by like... everyone) But the edelstans are on their knees begging yall not to leave and screeching for attention.

I've noticed that too. I had a post from almost two years ago get a random reply on it, and I heard that others had something similar happen to them too. Given how relatively silent it's been for a while, most assume it has something to do with Engage's upcoming release and how these folks don't want attention from 3H to fade, so they decided to... annoy the shit out of everyone. As per usual of Edelstans lmao.

And it does seem like ol' Raxxy-poo has hopped on along, cuz like I said far as I was under the impression of he was mostly doing nothing, until recently. If nothing else the worst thing he was doing was clogging up the Dimitri tag with hate, because he's just a swell guy like that, but I thought he was at least movin' away from fuckin' around with other people outright.

But, nope. Took a peek over on his blog to see if maybe, for once, he took something out of this, but, nuh-uh. He's still the same asshole as ever, goin' on about how "no one has the right to silence me!!!" in response to people telling him to respect other people's boundaries. How he was totally right to harass n*lsh off of tumblr because n*lsh was being mean (and how it totally wasn't harassment, he swears, it was n*lsh who just folded under the pressure... that r/axis forced him under... for an extended period of time... long after n*lsh made it clear he wants nothing to do with him... but it's not harassment he promises). How he totally had nothing to do with moonlitboar's harassment since he was "at work" at the time of moonlitboar's extended period of getting harassed - guess r/axis is just a hard little worker bee who is given no breaks for multiple days, cuz moonlitboar's situation was not over the course of one day like he makes it sound like it was. And how if people just ignored him he leave them alone, totally (aka "it's their fault I decided to keep bothering them")! Which is why he still evidently kept looking at my blog to look for more people to fuck with, despite me almost never talking to or about him ever.

The guy acts like it would literally, actually kill him in real life if he stopped talking to/about people who don't want anything to do with him. Or that his "right to speak his mind" would be irrevocably snatched from him forever if he left the people who blocked him alone - you know, showing a basic respect for other people's boundaries? Really doesn't seem to like doing that, looks like.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, that does seem to be at least a plausible reason - if only because nothing else is really going on that would suddenly cause the uptick. And on one hand I do get the want to stay on 3H - I love the game to bits and would love to keep seeing others make content for it. But if that really is the motivation as to why their doin' this shit then I'd be... theoretically baffled, though not really surprised given everything that's happened in this fandom. I cannot think of a more self-defeating method of getting people to stay on 3H like "Maybe if we bother and annoy and poke and prod at everyone who doesn't like/critiques Edelgard, they'll ignore the new game coming out and keep talking about 3H!" Like my brother in Christ that ain't it

#ask #anon #plus the whole moonlitboar thing has at least one screenshot that outright shows him talking to moonlitboar after they'd asked him not to #so so much for the ''I had nothing to do with that!'' spiel #and about Engage: I get not being that excited about it and preferring to stay with 3H - that's basically how I feel lmao #but goin' out of your way to bug others about it in some weird attempt to get them to forget about Engage is well... weird. And a dick move

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emojifarm · 2 years

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If it even matters, we're the Villain System.

One of our friends told us that Sail Emotes (who has us blocked so I don't even know why they did this) made a DNI post about us, for some reason, and addressed it to us as if we'd be able see it. I don't know. They've been really weird about us recently to a creepily obsessive and uncomfortable point at this point. I really don't want this drama. I've been trying to remain peaceful about all this but they keep pushing things and blowing them out of proportion for seemingly no reason. At least not for any reason that I can understand. And I'm not making excuses. I just genuinely don't know what's going on with them and it worries me a bit, but this seems to be a fairly common cycle with them from what I understand, unfortunately.

To clear things up and give my perspective on things: We were friends. We were a mod in their server. The modding thing didn't work out since we have different methods and didn't always understand their perspective on things and asked questions pretty consistently to attempt to understand their perspective. We, admittedly, may have overstepped boundaries unknowingly when trying to calm them down a few times. We have apologized to them for this already. One day after I had a panic attack in the modding channels because I was overwhelmed for multiple reasons, they decided to just remove my modding position. When we opened a ticket to question things, they gave very vague and confusing answers which lead to us having severe social anxiety with them in another server during a discussion in which I was asking clarifying questions. I didn't know where boundaries were with them when it came to asking questions because of how they had phrased things in the ticket and I did clarify that in one of my messages in said discussion. They aggressively pushed me away for even clarifying that and left me even more distressed and confused. Not long after that is when we made the "we will no longer be reblogging stuff from Sail Emotes post". It was genuinely a physical impossibility. That post was not made out of malice, though. It was just a piece of information I needed to share with my followers. That's all. Anyways, a few days later, if my perception of time is correct, one of my headmates did the last resort and DMed them to try and finally clear things up so I would understand the social rule that I had broken so I could either better communicate with them or at least know how to better communicate with others later down the line (I'm autistic, in case that wasn't known). They never answered and blocked me on Discord after that as well as banned me from their server and blocked me on Tumblr. I still don't understand, but I'm trying to move on. Yes, we DMed them when they have a set boundary not to, but they were refusing to communicate with us otherwise and Rumple (the headmate who DMed them) had the thought that maybe they'd be willing to talk if it was private. He skipped the step of asking to DM first because he just didn't think to, admittedly. We understand that that wasn't right to do in retrospect, but we were desperate and spiralling at the time because of the anxiety and confusion they had left us with. We weren't thinking. That's not an excuse. Just an explanation.

Anyways. Some other stuff happened that doesn't involve me and isn't for me to share. Their behavior in said stuff lead to them being unpartnered and banned from all the servers my friend owns. Yes, I did celebrate a little because it was, honestly, a moment of relief. I don't hate them, but them even being in those servers was causing me and others a lot of unnecessary stress. So, yeah, I was a little glad they were no longer there. As for the muting them because they "deserved it" thing, I don't know what that's about, personally. It's possible someone in my system did it as a form of stress relief or just being petty. I wouldn't rule it out, but no one currently in front with me is confessing to it and I have no memory of it. All of this to say, make your own decisions here. If you feel you can no longer support me because of what happened there, fair enough. I'm only sharing my side since they chose to make this a public thing and have started a smear campaign and potentially a witch hunt against me. I think it'd be unfair for me to not be allowed to say my piece on the matter. Thank you for reading. Have a good night.

~ Isaac

#personal

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thefemmerefinery · 1 year

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Hi, have a situation going on that I don't know what to make of so hoping you could give me some input!

So I've been long distance talking to a guy for over a year now. None of my family knew about him until recently they found out because they were wondering where I was...anyway, so he's never met my mom and after she was looking at his profile and accidentally clicked on his story, he followed her 3 times and those 3 times she tried to delete him as a follower on Instagram but he kept on following her, has been engaging with her by liking some of her stories she posts, and like a family photo...This is weird to me because, we aren't talking and haven't been for over a month, he blocked me on everything, said some really hurting things but why would he think to add my mom is the question and not talk things out with me...? I just don't understand. Any thoughts?

I will start with a general caution of not giving yourself too much to think about because you are doing a lot of mental gymnastics trying to figure him out. You are doing yourself a huge disservice darling. He has showed you where he is at by blocking you. Anything else that he does should be intentionally put aside till he directly engages you and speaks to you in clear terms - providing you clarity.

There are so many scenarios that could be going through his own head too as to why your mum is clicking on his profile. You trying to make sense of his actions is you not being true to yourself that you are looking for something to grasp. It is understandable because you’re hurt and this is someone you care about but you have to put yourself as a priority and also respect his boundaries - he blocked you. He also said some really hurtful things that he hasn’t made amends for. It’s not easy but you need to start taking deliberate steps to focus on yourself and your healing. It is paramount that you leave the place of trying to make sense of it all which frankly is closure because humans are weird and complicated. Closure is highly overrated and could leave you with even more questions and worries than it does bring answers. Pick up the pieces and figure out things for yourself in terms of romantic relationships and identity the things you have learnt. Work towards moving on rather than expending energy on someone who has taken actions to remove you from his life. I wish you well sweet.

- love, The Femme Refinery

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uptoolateart · 2 years

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Chapter 2 of 'Breaking Free' - apologies that this took me two months, but work has sapped all my creative spirit and I've only just refuelled in the last couple days.

The Ao3 link is here - but the chapter is also pasted below.

.....

That evening, Adrien’s fencing lesson kept him after school until six. It was the first time he’d seen Kagami since that phone call she’d made the day before – when they were unknowingly dealing with Risk.

Today, she faced off with him as though the phone call had never happened. That was so Kagami – square your shoulders and move on. Yet he could sense a difference between them, even if neither of them was talking about it. When they duelled, he could feel himself standing a little taller and plunging forward with more energy than usual.

Like we’re equals.

That was something he’d never felt when they were dating.

Afterwards, she sat in the locker room while he packed up his things, and he felt her watching him. It used to make him nervous, like an inspection he was sure he would fail. Now, he simply wondered what he looked like through her eyes. Who was she seeing?

‘You listened to me,’ she said. In her fashion, she sounded absolutely certain in her assessment of him.

He stuffed his phone in his bag, shut his locker door, and turned to meet her eyes. ‘I guess I did.’ He slung his bag over his shoulder and sat beside her on the bench. ‘You were right: I do let people push me around. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes I feel like I can’t physically do anything about it.’

‘You’re making excuses again.’ Her voice was hard and firm – her mother’s. ‘You hold all the power to stand up for what you want, Adrien.’

He knew she meant well, but she wasn’t getting his point. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in himself. He literally felt unable to speak to his father. There was a block. But somehow he didn’t think Kagami would understand.

Marinette understood.

He filed that thought away for later. ‘I think I found some of that power, last night. Thank you for your phone call. I needed it.’

He wanted to say that she had opened the door for him to be himself, and he had taken the first tentative step through. But he couldn’t explain it to her without revealing his secrets – and Kagami wasn’t the type to want an involved discussion about this anyway. As much as she used to complain that he never opened up to her, she was pretty closed off herself – even more than he was. He believed in respecting people’s personal boundaries.

So he just smiled, and she rewarded him with a firm nod. The air had been cleared between them and there was nothing more to say.

* * *

At home, no one was there to greet him. It was incredible how something so expected could still hurt so much.

He headed upstairs, for Nathalie’s room. He remembered when it was guest room, back in the days when his mother had still been around. Sometime after she had disappeared, Nathalie had moved in, seemingly for good. He reflected now that he probably should have found it strange; but the shock of the news about his mother had prevented him from processing anything else.

Disappeared.

Who was he kidding? She was dead. He had been with her when she’d fainted and been rushed off to the hospital. He’d held her hand when the doctor had announced that there was nothing to be done. There had been a funeral – open casket, even. It had been impossible to deny, as he’d stared down at her lifeless body in that coffin with the morbidly transparent glass lid his father had insisted upon.

The morticians outdid themselves: she looked frozen in time, not a sign of decay. But the truth was that Emilie Agreste was gone and she was never coming back.

He eased open the door to Nathalie’s room. Even though she had lived there nearly two years, she hadn’t changed the décor. It was still full of old artefacts and souvenirs collected during Gabriel and Emilie’s travels. Adrien had joined them on some of those holidays, but mostly they had gone alone. The room was a memorial to their marriage, and he couldn’t imagine how Nathalie could bear looking at it.

She was still in bed. He didn’t think she’d left it since the air ambulance had brought her back after her episode on the train. She had nearly been in London when she fainted. Upon exiting the Chunnel, they’d had to stop the train mid-journey and hire emergency services to bring her back. Sometimes it was useful having a helipad on your roof.

He still hadn’t seen his father. Somehow in the chaos, it hadn’t yet been addressed that it had been his cousin Felix on that train with Nathalie, not Adrien.

Felix – who had been Flairmidable and given Shadow Moth all the miraculous bar the two he most coveted.

Why? What was in it for Felix? What did he want?

Pondering this took his mind off the terror rising in his heart at the sight of Nathalie in that bed. Maybe he should have seen a therapist after his mother’s death. But Gabriel had forbidden it. After all, Adrien was an Agreste.

Not wishing to disturb Nathalie while she was sleeping, Adrien gently closed the door again and headed for his own room. Once safely inside, he tossed his bag on the floor and flopped onto the bed, face down, in hopes that the duvet would muffle out the image of his mother when she suffered the same mysterious symptoms that Nathalie had begun having.

Plagg darted out of his jacket. ‘Do you think your father will still make you go on that world tour?’

Adrien shrugged into the bedding. That was another strange thing about that day: everyone knew he was supposed to be in London, starting that ad campaign. But the events of the night before had shaken everyone up. And as is often the way with these things, they coped by carrying on as normal, as though it were an ordinary school day and Adrien was expected to be there.

They were all in a state of suspended animation, waiting for things to start moving again.

He could hear Plagg going through his cheese cupboard – the very existence of which should have alerted any normal parents to their teenager’s eccentricity. But Adrien did not have normal parents.

He rolled over and let out a long sigh as he stared vacantly at the too-high ceiling.

Plagg flew over to him, cheese in hand. ‘Thinking about Ladybug again?’ He popped a huge lump of brie into his mouth.

‘Running over what she said last night.’

‘About you being akumatised in some future timestream you don’t even remember?’

Adrien sighed again.

‘Are you angry at her?’ Plagg asked.

Adrien wrinkled his brow. ‘For what?’

‘For keeping it from you for so long.’

‘Oh. That. No. Not really.’

Plagg’s eyes widened. ‘Why not?’

Adrien started turning his ring around his finger. ‘How can I be angry at someone when they’ve already apologised? Besides, it was obvious that she had already punished herself enough over it. It doesn’t help anything for me to lay in on her too.’

Plagg gulped down the last of his cheese and flew closer to Adrien, studying him while he chewed. ‘You’re a really nice person, Adrien,’ he said finally.

‘Any nicer than anyone else?’

‘Yes. Not everyone would see these things the way you do. Can you imagine your father forgiving anyone as easily as you’ve forgiven Ladybug?’

Adrien frowned, his eyes still on the ceiling. ‘Are you saying my father is mean?’

Plagg didn’t answer that.

Maybe he was mean. It was one of those things Adrien didn’t like to think about. It wasn’t that he was oblivious. Some things were just too painful, so he made a choice to ignore them.

Was that why he was such a pushover?

Another thought to file away, for now.

‘I just can’t stop thinking that there was this whole other version of me, who was weak enough to be taken over by an akuma, and I don’t even remember it. Ladybug has these memories of me that I don’t share – of a person who maybe isn’t me anymore.’

‘Does that upset you?’

‘No. It’s more that it’s…weird. It’s like she knows things about me that I don’t know myself. She has ideas about me that may or may not be true, and I have no control over it.’

‘Isn’t that the same with everyone? You’re a celebrity, after all. You should be used to this.’

Adrien was silent for a time, then said, ‘This is different. I never thought I was capable of being that upset or angry or…whatever I might have been, in that reality. I know I sometimes have my moments…but they don’t last long. What could have set me off to make me lose control like that? To have tried to destroy the whole world?’

He propped himself up on one elbow. ‘Plagg – am I…am I really capable of such things? I mean…how can you call me nice, knowing what I could do to everyone? Why is Ladybug even allowing me to keep holding the power of destruction, if that’s in me?’

Plagg settled down on a pillow and gave him a long, serious look. ‘I don’t understand it. I can’t imagine it. You’re not just nice – you’re probably the nicest person I have ever known. And I’ve been around a long time.’

Adrien flopped onto his back again and let out a grunt of frustration. ‘So what happened? What could have been awful enough to change me? And how could it have been related to Ladybug and me being in love? How could love make anyone destroy the world?’

Plagg smirked. ‘You’d be surprised.’

Adrien rolled his eyes at him – and caught a glimpse of something flashing past his bedroom window. ‘It’s Ladybug. What’s she doing out there when there’s no akuma?’

‘It’s probably just Guardian stuff. No need to get involved.’

Adrien sat up decisively. ‘She might need me. I have to see if she’s okay.’

‘Now?’ Plagg balked. ‘But we just got home! Couldn’t we just – ’

‘Plagg – claws out!’

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ikeafleshlight · 4 days

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my mate had her first breakup less than a week ago. it didn't teach me shit. currently trying my VERY best to make sure she doesn't get too attached to another guy. he's my age. my mate's a year younger than you.

it was weird. it'a the first time i've ever seen it so close. i've never really had a friend like her before. physically there and just as weird as i am. two borderlines causing our nation to need financial compensation.

i jokingly threatened i'd text you if she started dating him. she sounded hurt. like you're the worst that has ever happened to me. and that's funny 'cause she's seen me have a psychosis and also be in the ward. maybe i looked very cool doing it. i did have dyed hair and dead eyes. still do. maybe being unmedicated made me hotter.. thoughts..

i don't stalk your socials. haven't in a long ass while. well the tumblr doesn't count. it's tumblr. hey- i even blocked your Spotify! that's something. i'm not going to cross the boundaries. i'll stop looking at the homer ass pfp in wonder. also.. v good music taste.

sometimes i wish we could just talk. no strings attached. no one but us would know. and i'd finally be able to hear your perspective on things again. i know it's bad but i wish we could just talk things out. clear things out. hit it and quit it. no strings attached.

i don't know if you're still with him but i hope he's doing better and is treating you good. i choose to just assume that. it feels better to imagine you loved and cared for. by the way, Project Zomboid? so good. i died very quickly and maybe cried a bit. in a manly way. so manly. with a little shriek at the end.

it's hard to like other people. i don't compare them to you. but i do compare the way i'm feeling. i don't know.. there was this one girl. Linda. she was sweet, helpful and had an admirable perspective.

she was deported.

yeah that was a little weird. maybe a sign i should let the whole crush/love thing go. it's just not as interesting without the way you made me snort.

i had a dream a few months back that you moved here. and i took you home and we just talked. it sucked a bit to wake up. i know it's bad that i still feel this way. but i don't want to feel bad about that. there are other things to regret. i don't regret ever loving you. and god how good it felt to love you. with every cell of my fucking being.

i think i'm scared you'll forget me. but i also really hope you will. be fully moved on. have that wall down and not even remember my name. the thought is painful but it also makes me smile.

so pissed and petty i'll never get to show you my apartment or who i am now. but hey.. in another life, eh? no, not really. i'm glad i had you in this one. and yeah, sometimes i itch with how much i miss you, but that's fine. just biology and psychology rawdogging. idk. science words.

i'll never be able to be your guy friend. that makes me want to eat drywall. really rip into that shit with me teef.

do you ever think of me? probably not. i think of you mostly when drama happens. did you hear about the Watcher thing? so insanely hilarious and also sad.

i know you won't see this. random people probably will. i guess i should be talking to them instead.

hey, there's still girl. i don't know her anymore but i used to. the way she talks about the world.. her perspective on things - it makes you care for the world so much more. and her humor? it hurts how much you laugh. she's the entire field of vegitation around that large fucking tree on a sunny day. running to that tree is what it's like to come back to her. video it and call it pure cinema. don't be an ass to her if you ever meet her. and you will know when it's her. she'll take your attention away fron whatever you'll be doing, and you'll instinctively want to get her attention. that's how i met her. and that's been every day since.

yeah take your meds if you're mentally ill. don't be an asshole. go to therapy. don't hold childhood grudges. and don't tell your friends how you feel! they'll make you do dumb things for your mental health. grr grrr woff why the FUCK was i talking about things when i was episoding i shouldvr been smocking crack fucking fucc

anyways

yeah. well this sucks.

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dear-eli · 6 months

Text

Am I incorrect in thinking of you as a friend?

Not a best friend, not even a close friend (even though you're basically the only one I've got). But as someone who, no matter how infrequently we speak (or even if we never speak again), still thinks of me with kindness? Still passively wishes me well, or at very least does not actively wish me ill? Or has that changed? I need to know. I need to know because that will shape how I interact with you in the future. I need to know what degree of connection you still have for me, whether it's friendship or mere acquaintance, and positive, neutral, or negative.

I know you're busy. I know you're stressed and burnt out and your health is suffering. All that has been true since before I met you, to the point that I consider it a fundamental truth of who you are. I know you didn't really have time for me when we were together, and I don't expect you to make time for me as a friend. But I need to know how far over my shoulder to look.

Would you prefer it if I actively avoided you? If I unfriended or even blocked you on Facebook? Should I move off your claim in Minecraft and log off immediately if I were ever to see you logged on, or should I regard the server itself as your territory and abandon it entirely? If, out of happenstance, we ever ran into each other in person, should I walk the other way?

Or are we OK to stay as we are, sort of tenuously nebulously still connected, living on the same Minecraft claim and passing notes but never seeing each other, still friends on Facebook but never interacting (except when I unthinkingly cross an unspoken boundary and message you for some stupid selfish reason or other), not actively in each other's lives but not really fully out of them either, in some sort of gray-area liminal space between connection and non-existence? If we ran into each other would we make polite but awkward small talk, pretending we never were what we once were to each other, suppressing my reflexive desire to beg for a hug?

Don't get me wrong: I greatly and sincerely appreciate you not just fully going ghost and abandoning me the second I moved out of your house and left your life. It means more to me than I can say - and you know I'm very rarely at a loss for words. And it's not like I think some switch has flipped and you suddenly hate my guts; I do still know you well enough to know that would be out of character for you. But this friendship purgatory, this Limbo, is maddening in its uncertainty. If this is how you want to continue, I need it to be made clear. I need the ground rules to be set and clarified. Am I allowed to message you whenever I'm feeling sad and alone, or when my mom pulls her fuckshit, or to casually remind you of things happening on the server, without any expectation of response (immediate or otherwise)? Or does my reaching out to you for undeserved support create complications or make demands on your time etc, that are not worth the trouble they would cause for you?

I know you're not likely to actively seek me out for any reason. And I know I don't really have any right to directly interact with you anymore, either, and I don't want to make life more difficult for you just because I need reassurance. If you want me to back off and stop trying to be friends with you, I will. I just need to know where the line is so I can stop crossing it unintentionally.

I will still, always, carry positive feelings and goodwill for you in the back of my heart, whether we ever see each other again or not, whether we speak to each other next week or in 20 years or never. Like I said, I still think of you as a friend, which means I think of myself as a friend to you as well. That doesn't mean I want to rekindle anything romantic at all, by the way. I think of this sort of absentee friendship as more like a lamp, waiting to be plugged in, but shining bright as ever when that connection is made again. It's just up to you whether or not to plug the lamp in and how far to turn up the dimmer switch, or to put it away in storage for another day, or to get rid of it forever. If that makes any sense at all. I'm sure it probably doesn't, I picked up a bug at the Syrup Festival so now my brain is addled with cold medicine. This has kind of gotten away from me now. Hopefully I will clean it up a bit before I send it to you, if I ever do.

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bookofmirth · 2 years

Text

I had thoughts about the acotar fandom and fandom etiquette and I'm not sorry.

I genuinely wonder if people wandered into the acotar fandom last year, after having read acosf, and didn't understand what corner of the internet they ended up in. Fandom is inherently very queer, in the broadest sense of the word. In the Judith Butler sense. Not just that there are gays everywhere, but there are disabled and neurodivergent and minoritized identities. We are here looking for more from canon, not just reinforcement that what we thought about canon was right. Fandom has existed for a long time to give stories to people who never saw themselves in the story, or who felt constricted by the mainstream, who felt like there wasn't a place for them in the media they consumed.

So when I see the acotar fandom being snide about "crackships" - though that's not an insult, it's just a description of how likely the pairing is in canon - and when I see the acotar fandom acting like shipping is a political stance/social justice cause, or when I see this fandom not understanding that you can ship things that have not been confirmed on the page, I have to wonder - where do these people think they are???

The most important thing about fandom imo is that there are no rules other than the number 1 rule: you are in control of your experience. That means that you block tags, or people, or follow tags, or people, or create, or consume, or whatever it is you want, but you cannot try to force your version of fandom on anyone else. If you don't like how someone else is engaging in the fandom, you block them and move on. It's that simple. There is no such thing as fandom police, it's every person for themselves. If you personally cannot stand the idea of Elain and Mor, then block that tag. If you really feel incredibly strongly about it, then block the people who use that tag. It's super simple, and it's been fandom practice for... literally decades now.

The acotar fandom has actually made this rule quite difficult in the past year because, for example, I have blocked upwards of 150 people on tumblr, and yet I know that some of those people continue to stalk my blog and make posts vaguing me. I've made my boundaries clear, those boundaries have been disrespected, and I know I am not the only one who experiences this. At least two times, people have taken me blocking them as a "challenge" to still try to interact with me despite the block. Thus far, my choices are to either attack those people head on, or act like they don't exist. I quite like pretending that they don't exist because those people are a waste of my time. However, I am not the only person they do this to and I know that turning the other cheek isn't that easy all the time, especially when certain people are so aggressive about being assholes.

The fact that people get mad at other users blocking them, that just baffles me. Again, blocking people is a time-honored and necessary tradition in fandom. You do not have to scroll through content you don't want, and having a presence in the fandom doesn't mean you have to allow all people access to your content! "This person blocked a bunch of us so we can't interact!" Yes, well, that's the point! They have drawn a line in the sandbox, you are not entitled to interact with whomever you want, and you should definitely respect the fact that someone has, for literally whatever reason they want, decided that they don't want to interact with you. The audacity of people getting mad about being blocked - is that harming you, somehow? Is that preventing you from screaming whatever you want to scream on your own blog? No? So what's the problem, exactly?

no 👏 one 👏 here 👏 owes 👏 you 👏 anything 👏

Disrespecting people's right to ship or headcanon or imagine whatever the fuck they want is another way that this rule continues to be violated. People are allowed to dislike/like whatever they want. Again, this is all about the only rule, you are in charge of your experience. Shaming people for what they like - whether it's a fluffy crackship or an abusive rarepair - is not okay. If you don't like something, then it's on you to block the content. It's not on you to show people the "error" of their ways because that's literally the opposite of why we are here!

It is not okay to tell other people how to exist in the fandom, and this moralistic high ground that people are taking in order to justify their shaming of other people is especially not it. That's the exact rationale that people are now using to say that in certain schools in the U.S., the idea of queer people existing is verboten. Why, oh why, do people think it's okay to come into one of the queerest space on the internet, and start throwing around morality-based arguments, when those types of morality-based argument are being used IRL to silence us??? Because people ended up in fandom and had no idea where they were (and apparently, still don't).

We exist in fandom (in part) because we already feel like there isn't a place for us in the mainstream. We are not going to allow a bunch of people who are so stuck up their ass in heteronormativity and whiteness and canon, to tell us what we can and cannot ship in fandom, a space that was historically made by and for queer people.

Example: if you don't like a specific ship, then you block that tag. The end. Maybe you talk about why you, personally, are not into it. We all have squicks. but you do not shame people for liking it, or try to tell them how and why it's bad that they like it. There is a HUGE difference between saying "here is why I don't like this" and saying "no one should ever like this!"

Fandom has etiquette, including tagging things appropriately, but the flip side of that is the understanding that tagging is a privilege, not a right. Fandom functions on the assumption that we are each looking out for one another by tagging content appropriately, but the second part of that assumption is that we do not tell one another what to do - if someone breaks rule number 1, then you decide if that bothers you or not. You cannot force them to comply, but you can block their ass. This is only tangentially related, but still relevant. It's still part of the whole "you are in control of your own experience" rule that we all live by.

I guess the whole point of this is to say: live and let live, y'all.

If someone draws a boundary, respect that.

Learn how to draw your own boundaries.

Stop being so freaking stuck on canon because that is not why we are here.

And have a gay gay gay gay day.

#acotar #acosf #fandom things #acotar fandom

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astralaffairs · 4 years

Note

If you're taking asks, can I get "did you really have to give me so many hickeys" with Laurens? Thank you! I've re-read Freedom of the Press too many times to count, I love it so much

aww thank you!! i've had major writer's block with fotp 05, so i hope these drabbles hold y'all over until I can get it out. side note -- i've been doing sm writing for john lately and?? he's absolutely adorable???

---

You'd been avoiding John's workplace for about as long as you'd known him. You'd met him through a mutual friend, incidentally one of his colleagues, and hearing them discuss their job, their coworkers and clients, turned you off to the corporate world the moment you began to learn about it. Since you and he had been together, of course, he'd told you more and more, and since you'd moved in with him, you'd begun to feel like you could reconstruct his entire office from the ground up. As much as you hated the topic, it was his life, and if you wanted him, it came with the role. It was a trade-off you were more than eager to make.

However, actually breaking the boundary between your and his worlds was a line you hadn't yet crossed. So when he asked you to go his annual office party, a celebration of the corporation's progress and profits, your resistance was all but endless. He saw the party as the next step in your relationship; you saw it as pushing you further out of it.

When the time came, you couldn't say no -- it was clear how much this meant to him, and one night out of the rest of your life felt like a small sacrifice to make.

So that was exactly how you found yourself in the over-glamorous sixtieth floor of a corporate skyscraper. (John had been quick to catch onto the fact that "corporate" was a turn-off. At least you wouldn't be trying to rub one out in his place of work.) It wasn't quite what you'd expected, admittedly. Marble floors, glass doors and walls, gilded chandeliers, floor-to-ceiling windows -- you could go on.

It was a black-tie event. You'd arrived at the floor of the office huddled close to John, his arm around your waist, you pleading with him until the very last minute to go home as he only chuckled, kissed your cheek and all but pulled you out of the elevator.

"But what if we went home," you whined in his ear, clinging to his arm, and he only rolled his eyes, now scanning the room for who-knows-what. A sly smile crept onto your face as you leaned in, pulling him closer. "Promise I'd make it worth your time."

He could hear the mischief in your tone, and while he appeared moderately amused at your attempts, he gave you a pointed look. "Not the time, baby. Can you be good, just for one night?"

Your lips fell into a hard line, considering his demeanor as he raised an eyebrow, and you sighed. With your arms around his neck, you pulled him down to your level so you could kiss him on the nose. "Only for you," you whispered, and his smile was undeniable as he briefly leaned down to kiss you properly.

"Then c'mon."

You swallowed your exhausted groan as he tugged you toward a group of his colleagues -- these appeared to be the ones you'd heard about most often, his closest friends, and as he introduced them, you couldn't help but play back the stories he'd told you in your head. You'd obviously met Hercules -- he was the one who introduced you to John in the first place -- and Alex had dropped by your apartment a number of times, so you'd slowly familiarized yourself with him. However, everyone else's names immediately triggered a word association. Eliza: catching the communal microwave on fire -- three times. Lafayette: getting half the staff drunk while working overtime. Maria: serving as the divorce lawyer for one of her co-workers' spouses. The list sure did go on.

They all seemed incredibly friendly, however, so you decided to make nice and not let your aversion to gilded capitalism ruin everyone's night. The things you did for your boyfriend.

And so, you humored John. You met his boss. You stood by while they discussed corporate law, made esoteric jokes that you knew you couldn't begin to understand, and laughed when the group had obviously deemed it appropriate. You hardly left John's side; you didn't think you'd have made it through the night if he'd expected you to socialize independently. There were two things you thought you could honestly say in the night's favor -- John was absolutely beaming as he finally had the opportunity to show you off to his colleagues and friends, which wholly validated your reason for acquiescing to his invitation with little resistance, and the company had splurged on the wine and cheese for which you'd never have been willing to fork over such unholy amounts of cash.

You were careful not to drink too much, wanted to stay as far from the verge of tipsy as you could manage so as not to make a fool of yourself in front of the entire office, but you allowed yourself two glasses of the $600 merlot from the end of the refreshments table. Moreover, you shamelessly loaded up on cheese.

That was the only reason you ever had to steal away from John for a moment. It seemed that few of the employees were going to pillage the snacks, which made it feel all the more like your well-deserved karma for deciding to come, so John only laughed every time you told him you were going back to the cheese cart.

By the fourth time, you were on your second glass of wine, and you squinted at the various variations on smoked brie before deciding exactly how to pick your poison that time around.

"You new here?" A voice came from your right, startling you out of your dairy-induced haze. You turned with wide eyes to see a man standing beside you with a moderately amused smirk. "Because unless you're our transfer from Atlanta, I can't say I've heard about you -- and unlike Beatrice, you don't quite look 57."

You couldn't help your laugh at his playful tone. You gave him a once-over; he didn't fit the description of anyone John had told you about. "I can assure you, I'm not here to steal poor Beatrice's identity," you replied mildly. "I'm actually here as a guest, Mr..."

You trailed off an eyebrow raised. "Jefferson," he supplied, offering you his hand to shake, "Thomas Jefferson."

"Y/N L/N. Nice to meet you." You shook his hand, and something akin to recognition flashed across his face. Perhaps he'd heard about you from John? His crooked grin only grew with that as he drew closer to you.

"So you're here as a guest, hm?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. You nodded hesitantly. "Must not have had a very good host to bring you then, huh? Can't imagine leaving a pretty little thing like you unattended around here."

You raised your eyebrows at that. His sudden confidence was off-putting, and you shifted your weight from one foot to another as you gave him a slightly strained smile. The shift in his demeanor was beginning to make you mildly uncomfortable. "I assure you, I can take care of myself, Mr. Jefferson."

"I don't doubt that, sweetheart." His reply was mildly absentminded as his eyes trailed down your figure, and you took an unconscious step back. When you did, his eyes jumped back to yours as he flashed you a winning smile. "But please, it's Thomas, to you."

"Well, Thomas, it's been nice meeting you, but I think I need to get back to my date." You silently mourned your not having collected any new cheeses, but you were eager to end that interaction. He raised an eyebrow, grin groundlessly smug.

"You sure you wanna do that? I mean, if your date cared little enough to leave you out here all alone in this big office, I think you're justified in findin' other company." He moved imperceptibly closer, but it made all the difference to you. You swallowed. "Besides--"

"Y/N!" You whipped around, on cloud nine when you made eye contact with the source of the voice. You must have looked endlessly relieved, grateful for your savior, your white knight, your Messiah -- not to be dramatic -- but John just looked tense as he approached where you were standing. His smile was clearly forced, and Thomas raised an eyebrow. When he reached you, he wrapped an arm around your waist, tugging you further away from his coworker immediately. "Jefferson, I see you've met my girlfriend."

Thomas didn't miss the emphasis on the word 'girlfriend.' His eyebrows jumped toward his hairline, and he huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "Your girlfriend, huh?" He looked between the two of you, and the tension as he met John's gaze was palpable. He broke it after hardly a second, turning his focus back to you with an irritatingly pitying smile. "Oh, sweetheart, how much is he paying you? Surely, it can't be that much, considerin' how much less John makes--"

"I'm not in this for money, Mr. Jefferson," you said, careful to keep your tone level. Beside you, John's jaw ticked, the pads of his fingers pressing possessively into the side of your waist.

Doubt still drenched his stare, and John cut in. "Not everything can be bought, Mr. Jefferson--" The utterance of his title was mocking, the words closer to a sneer, "and if you know what's good for you, you'll stop calling my girlfriend an escort. Watch it."

"Mmh, your loss, gettin' with him. You could be making some good money off of that." He let his gaze wander, never going above your neckline. It was painfully obvious that he was just playing it up to get a rise out of John, but nonetheless, it was working. You heard your boyfriend inhale harshly; his grip on you was getting closer to a vice. Thomas shot you a wink. "Gimme a call if you're ever interested in actually gettin' something out of a relationship, for once."

John scowled; you had to cling to his side to restrain him from tackling Thomas right there and then. His teeth were clenched, his gaze full of unbridled fury. "I swear to God--"

"Baby, c'mon, it's not worth it." Your quiet plea cut him off as you rested a hand on his chest. You could feel some of the tension leave his body. "You're fine. I'm fine. Let's just go, yeah?" He met your wide eyes, and your worried gaze had him forcing himself to cool off.

He shot Thomas one last burning glare before turning on his heel, promptly pulling you as far from his coworker as he could get you. You went with him readily.

He was quiet for the rest of the night. Despite your constant questioning stare and occasional attempts to check on him, voice hardly above a whisper, he just ignored it, waved you away. You didn't stay much longer after that, and the car ride back to your apartment was dead silent. John's knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel.

After you made it home, though, you tried one more time. He threw the keys into the bowl by the door after locking it, and immediately began to loosen his tie, eager to relax and forget about the night.

"John, are you okay?" Though the question was hesitant, your tone was firm, demanding. He reluctantly met your eyes, vexation still brewing near the surface of his gaze. "Talk to me, baby. What's up?"

"What the fuck was that stunt with Jefferson?" The question had your eyes widening.

"'Stunt'?" you repeated, hoping you'd misheard him. "Seriously? He approached me; I just wanted more cheese!"

"You didn't exactly seem to be pulling away," he accused, and you gave a short, mirthless laugh.

"You've gotta be kidding me, John." His expectant expression told you that he absolutely was not, and you scowled. "I didn't wanna cause a scene. I was trying to get away politely. I just... didn't want anything to escalate."

"Some excuse."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, Y/N." His voice was louder that time, and it was tinged with genuine anger. He took a step toward you, looming over you as he began to close the space. "You've never cared about being impolite before; don't expect me to believe you're suddenly miss proper. You were just enjoying the attention."

"This was my first time around your colleagues! At your office!" you protested, standing your ground.

"You don't give two shits what corporate employees think about you!"

"But you do." The truth behind your words was what made him bite his tongue, not the urgency in your tone. Tentatively, you closed the small gap between you, reaching up to rest your hands on his shoulders. "John, I didn't wanna make a scene because I didn't wanna embarrass you. You were so excited to bring me there and have everyone come see me, and I knew how much tonight meant to you." He looked down at you with his eyebrows raised. Much of the tension in his shoulders had melted away at your touch; his eyes held no hostility as they met yours, and his hands ghosted across your hips. "I just wanted you to be happy, baby."

He wrapped an arm snugly around your waist, pulling you flush against him, and he brought his other hand up to smooth your hair back, away from your face. His frustration had been replaced by a tiny, playful smile. Slowly, he moved forward, and your eyes widened as you stumbled in his grasp; it only took him a moment to back you into the kitchen counter. "Fucking Jefferson has no idea what he's missing out on."

You smiled, pulling yourself up to him to rest your forehead against him, to look him in the eye. "And he never will."

-----------

You both woke up late the next morning, exhausted and disinterested in leaving your bed. You weren't surprised; you'd ended up having a late night. You groaned at the sunlight streaming through your window as your eyes fluttered open, trying to bury yourself in John's embrace. He breathed deeply as he held a hand to the small of your back, dipping down to kiss you as he stretched, stifling a yawn.

"Morning, baby," he hummed, fatigue sitting heavy in his voice. "How're you feeling?"

"Sore," you groaned, and he chuckled. You glared playfully up at him.

"You complaining?" he retorted, raising a teasing brow, and you didn't bother to hide your grin.

"Never." You kissed the tip of his nose. "But John?"

"Mmhmm?" His forehead creased, and your smile only grew at how unnecessarily concerned he looked.

"As hot as it is seeing you jealous -- and it is, ridiculously hot, actually -- did you really have to give me so many hickeys?" The words came out as a whine, and he laughed as he eyed your pout.

"I dunno, babygirl," he began, rolling over so you were on your back and he was propped up on his arms above you. The wistful regret in his voice was dramatically phony. "If last night told me anything, it's that you can't seem to keep the men away, no matter where we go." He paused, shrugging. "Not that I blame them. Look at you."

He dipped down to kiss your neck with that, and you huffed. "John. Promise you've given me enough hickies. You can stop."

"I like seeing 'em," he said, smile growing as he looked proudly down at you. "Besides, if the world needs a reminder that you're mine, you had better bet that I'm not gonna hesitate to give it to them."

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poggersmoment · 4 years

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bro I’m not “y’all” I wasn’t involved in the discourse or “situation” or whatever you want to call it I just witnessed it firsthand. they were trying to joke around WITH you and were not against you. yeah joining the servers crossed a boundaries (assuming it was even them) but they weren’t being violent. no one hates you and no one is sending anon hate I’m just trying to clear things up + I’m sure the other anon(s) are too.

assuming these are the same person, yeah, i'm aware now they we're trying to joke with me, but some explanation when i asked for it, or even a heads up, would've been appreciated, ngl. i'm well aware they weren't trying to be violent (i know what violence looks like) never said they were, but i know for a fact that at least a good portion of the people who joined the various servers were them, considering their join messages were either blocked (bc i had them blocked), they joined all at one time, or i just straight up recognized their users.

maybe my reactions were extreme, but i had to block them for my own mental health and the mental health of the others involved on our side of it. i've never been mad at them outside of when it was first going on, which was more of "why can't they just leave us be" anger, for the most part, it hurt me. it hurt me to have to cut off people i viewed as friends and even family. but all that is in the past, and there's nothing any of us can do about it. i'm sorry it happened, but i honestly don't think it'd be healthy for me to try to rebuild those friendships and i'm not even sure if i'd want to.

it might not be healthy to hold onto these feelings, and trust me, i'm trying to move on. but that's hard when it's constantly being brought up. despite their intentions, they hurt me and they put me extremely on edge and it's even made me a bit uncomfortable with tangled content bc of the associations i have with it. i just want to move on, and that means i honestly need the topic to just be dropped.

#but i'll admit. seeing you say that nobody thinks im a bad person is. honestly kinda helpful #but i take it with a grain of salt #asks #the situation™#(btw i only really tag it like this so people can filter it out if they want)#long post #sighs

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afrocentric-divination · 5 years

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Hi! I've paid. I've been wanting to get a reading from you for a minute. I don't have a boo or anything because in the past I've pretty much just ended up isolating myself from relationships to work and make money. I'm currently transition to a job that better on all fronts, but I may have missed out on some things. So I guess my question is romantically what is going on with me? I'm typically good at getting what I want, but this evades me.

Hey love, thank you for ordering! I’m so glad you decided to let me read for you 🖤

So first off, this reading as a couple of positions and a couple of "free" cards or cards that I interpret intuitively about what their meaning is. Throughout the reading, I will let you know what cards are for what and their position.

The Relationship Now - 2 of Wands

This card is a wonderful card to start with, as you have already mentioned that you are not in a relationship right now, but with this card, it says that there is work being done on both sides. You and this other person are actively thinking about love, even if it leads to dead ends and while it seems tiring to keep going and pursue something that seems like it doesn't align with your life, you both still take a chance every day to keep your heart a little bit open for the other to finally walk in your life. This card is also an encouraging one, telling to keep your head up. That eventually, you will gain the love you seek and that you still have a few steps to take to get what you desire. Some work with yourself needs to happen (and with this other person as well) before a foundation can start, but know that your love is coming. Don't give up hope just yet.

You - 9 of Pentacles, 8 of Swords, Wheel of Fortune

These cards are the “Free” cards as well as the next set of cards below. These cards talk about you and this other potential person and what is going on in you all’s life.

There is confidence and there is a material life that is comfortable. You are able to get what you need and sometimes what you want. You are happy where you are in regards to your work life and you might even have a stable group of friends and loved ones that support you at all times. In the physical world, it seems like you go it all together, with how you present yourself and how you connect with others. But its the complete opposite in your mind. Your thoughts are always jumbled, they're always going, and it's hard to make sense of how you feel. You may feel from time to time but your mind always over thinks things and it becomes confusing for you to understand who you are and where you stand, regardless of how the outside looks. This unsureness is something that may have gotten in the way of past relationships, something that blocked you from the other persona in what ultimately made the other person frustrated with you. When asked the simple but loaded question, "How do you feel," you could never really answer, or you always used the go-to answer, "I'm good," or, "I'm fine." Over time, you never telling your feelings as you should in a relationship led to you not telling your jumbled thoughts to you not saying anything. The silence then became overshadowing, taking over the relationship and what pushed past lovers away in the end.

That second half was all from the 8 of Swords, but the good things about that card are that it is possible to get out of the problem you have created in your head and ultimately, creating in your real world. And it's really simple. You have to just talk. Tell people how you feel even when you're not certain. Let them into your world and take them on a ride of how your mind works. Opening yourself up is making yourself vulnerable, and while having a perfect a relationship sounds great, it is not realistic. What is realistic is sometimes crying on the shoulder of a loved one because you're confused, or walking back and forth ranting because a relative goes on your nerves, or weighing your options out loud so they know where you stand. You don't have to be as sure and stable in your mind as your public life seems to be. But just like your active in your public life, and active in your mentality, be active in connecting with other mentalities, as connections lead to relationships.

Try practicing with your friends or relatives, as I have a feeling you've also been putting up a facade with them too. Yes, it's going to be nerve racking but if you can't be true to yourself and to the people who love you platonically, how are you to be true to a person you're connected to romantically?

The Wheel of Fortune then let you know that a change is coming. A continuation of the "Relationship Now" card. Just because things are going the way you want them to, doesn't mean that things are going anywhere. You just have to keep riding the wave, keep building yourself and your life. Eventually, you will get to what you seek as the universe hears you. They know what you want Just let them set it up so that it can happen. Eventing doesn't just happen overnight.

Them - 3 of Swords, 8 of Swords, 3 of Cups

These cards are a description of who you possible next lover will be, the one you wish to have a long last relationship with. There is a possibility that you may know this person already, or you might have never seen them a day in your life. Either way, you have to keep your heart open and your eyes even more open.

First, it is obvious that they are coming out of a relationship of their own. A relationship where there were a couple of daggers thrown, and it ended hurting one person more than the other. Words were said, and maybe someone did something that they regretted, but in the end, they had to move on. To them they things kept piling up and getting worse, and they knew it would be better to leave and be sane than to go almost insane trying to mend a relationship that won't last. With this kind of intro, you have to know that the potential love of your life has some trauma with them, some sadness that they held onto, some anger that they probably haven't let go of, and confusion of their own. They will have a wall up, and will slightly resemble you. When you meet them and listen to what they have to say or how they carry on the conversation, it will almost be like looking in the mirror. Just like a person has to be careful with you and listen more than talk back with you because you rarely open up your mind, you will have to b careful with them. Their heart has been damaged and they will not be so inclined to be with you or with anyone romantically.

This is my turn to warn you. Don't be persistent. You are initiating this connection, yes, and you're trying to everything you can to always have a healthy one, but have a healthy relationship with someone means having a healthy relationship with yourself and with boundaries. Don't push them to open with you when they don't want to right away. Show that you're around and that you're always open to hang out, but leave when they show that they don't want to be bothered. A relationship should not be stressed, especially in the beginning. Don't force what isn't there. But, when they do decide to come around, be open to them. Be aware of your limitation as well as their's.

The last card, the 3 of Cups kind of gives a glimpse of where you both might meet at. A party meeting? A gathering? A club? A lounge? A place with all of your friends? Wherever it is, there will be a crowd, you will be enjoying yourself, and you may be even celebrating, hence the party or party like atmosphere.

How Could This Relationship Be? - 8 Of Wands

This relationship can really take off the way you've always wished. It could be exciting, it could be fun, it could be eye-opening. I see travel as being one of the big things between the 2 of you. You guys might end up experiencing the world together, trying new things all the time and being adventurous, even if that means doing so in the comfort of your own town or own state. Every day will never be dull and from the night out to a lazy Sunday evening. You will both encourage the others to always do their best and will never let the other person talk down on themselves. You both know what it means to be confused and unsure in your own respects, and will wish to carry out this relationship as clearly as possible. Nothing will be held back, and if something isn't said at the moment, it will be said later on. A beautiful way to carry out a relationship.

How Can You Get To How Things Could Be? - Emperor

Control. You need control of your thoughts, control of your emotions, and control in your actions. And let me set things clear, I'm not asking you to be perfect in everything you do, but I am asking you to be sure, to be stable, to be methodical. Do not hold yourself back because things are scary. Ride with those feeling of uncertainty and stand tall in your uncertainty. You seem so confident to everyone you come across, learn to hold that same energy within yourself when your alone and when you're in a romantic situation. Vulnerable is incredibly sexy and when given to the right person and give life a beautiful relationship. Don't hold yourself back from what could have been because of your afraid of who you are. Be firm in your power. Even when you're not sure exactly what that power is.

I wish you the best of luck love!

Once again, thank you for ordering, and I hope my words resonated with you. If you have question or concerns please don’t hesitate to PM me.

And for anyone else wanting a reading like this one, know that I have Special February Love Readings going on until the end of the month! Information on those readings are here. Have any questions or concerns? PM me and I will get to you as soon as possible. Or click on the PRICES link below. Until then!

🔮 – PRICES - PAST READINGS - PAYPAL - VENMO - CASHAPP - FACTS & TERMS – 🔮

#tarot #divination #witchcraft #afro witch #black witch #afroreadings #foul-weatherfriend

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sinner-min-bun · 6 years

Text

Strangers▪️Min Yoongi

[A Min Yoongi x Reader Oneshot]

_______________________________________________________

⚜🌳⚜

It's a been three years since Mina's father past away.

Her life took a turn for the worse, becoming emotionally isolated, seeking thrills in the form of violent acts, and Befriending a dangerous crowd. Inevitably turning her boyfriend Taehyung, back to the habit of living a dangerous and carefree lifestyle. One he had abandoned in order to be accepted by Mina, since she wasn't fund of that toxic lifestyle.

Yes, she was aware of these changes but did so little to fix them. Barely acknowledging others around her.

We all learn to cope one way or another. Now blinding herself of everyone else's pain, was hers.

Mother thought it was only a matter of time, “She'll soon recover, it's nothing but a minimal trip on the road ahead of Her”. Pressing the bridge of her nose, clearing her blurry vision as she spoke to Taehyung, whom was doing the most to bring Mina out of her depressive state of mind.

"Mina you will be back to your normal, cheerful self and everything will be okay" she insisted. Threatening Taehyung every now and then to scare him off, even thought it was of no use.

She held a special place in his heart, “She might be right…” he thought, exiting Mina’s home without a goodbye.

Opening the umbrella as he stepped outside into the rain, “Maybe I'm not the one to fix you” his cries being masked by the pouring raín.

**********One Year Later************

Mina's Point of View

Taking In the night scenery, "It's quiet tonight. Perfect night to admire the stars, barely visible to the naked eye yet was able to illuminate the night sky." Thinking to myself as I walked further into the park’s pathways.

The fresh air lightly brushed my face. Walking around the park late at night. Always my to go spot when I couldn't sleep.

Nothing unusual in particular, so like any other night, I went for a twenty minute walk to a park. One we had a block or two near my apartment. I would sneak out making sure mother wouldn't hear me and wake up– She hates when I do that.

You see, after my father's death she became depressed. Drowned her sorrows down with a bottle of wine. Every now and then she would vow never to touch another drop again.

"Empty promises…" that's all they were at this point. Reliving every moment she would make that promise. Just to break it days or even hours later.

I'll have to admit, this year has been a bit different from the two before. Breaking the gut wrenching habit of bringing in stranger's into the apartment.

I'm glad. Unable to forget the occasion when one of them almost tried his luck with me. It filled me with rage. Needless to say, I've gained a few skills here and there as I roamed the streets at night, dangerous streets. Including weaponry thanks to the guy I still would wholeheartedly consider my boyfriend Taehyung. Even after knowing nothing of his whereabouts. Taking a piece of me with him.

Although he's the sweetest guy you'll ever met. He's got his own dark past he refused to open up, which I respect and leave that subject aside. But I'll be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to what it could've been.

Emitting a deep sigh. “I was weak, maybe that's why you decided to leave…” Raising my head to avoid tearing up.

*****************

Combing my fingers through my hair, I looked at the clock in my phone screen. "Wow, this time I took longer than usual".

Standing on the same spot, lost in my own thoughts again for so long. Almost appeared to be about ten minutes.

"I better get going" my voice being the only sound I could hear.

It tends to get dangerous around 12:30 at night.

You know what they say "the creeps come out at night". Yea all the kidnappers, druggies, drug dealers, and more.

As I continue my walk to exit the park. My fear turned reality.

"Oh shit". I thought to myself

I could feel a presence. Someone was following me.

"For fuck sake this is why I keep track of my time." Mentally Cursing myself with every obscenity known to man.

I prepared myself, slowly sliding the pocket knife in between my middle and index finger, a part of the knife peeking out my sweater.

Turning left I stepped into the small bridge, taking me across the other side of the lake.

It gave me the chance to hear his footsteps as he walked on to the bridge.

Ten steps. That's how far he was behind me. ‘God Dammit...I couldn't do much at this point’.

"Plan B". I took out my phone making it seem like I didn't notice the moron behind me and pretended to send a text to Taehyung’s old phone number.

<<To: Tae <3 >>

I miss you… help

[Message SEND]

"What's a pretty little thing doing here...this late at night" The stranger said.

Those words send chills down my back. "Fuck off" was the only words I could phrase together.

"Listen I can show you a good time, if you're willing to come with me" he added. His voice getting closer and closer, I could feel his hot breath.

"No thanks" being my final answer.

He kept insisting. Quickly getting tired of my attitude. As I was about to swing the knife towards his face. He managed to yank me by the shoulder.

"Let me go!" I yelled, getting loose of his grip. But his strength surpassed mine by a lot.

"HEY I SAID LET ME GO!" I yelled even louder hoping this time I would manage to get away.

Without a warning the man kissed the wooden boards of the bridge. Accidentally bringing me down with him.

He let go of me. I got up rubbing my shoulder now containing a large bruise.

I looked down to see him on the ground trying to cover his bloody nose and busted lip.

"Who the hell are you" I said startled by another stranger.

Giving no thought that he just saved me from a lunatic. "Great Now what do you want huh? I whined.

"Well a thank you should be enough" he said putting his hands back into his jacket.

"I could've handled it myself thank you very much" tired and aggravated from the creep before not wanting to deal with another one.

"Yea I could tell from the way he almost dragged you away" he said beginning to walk away from where we stood.

Although I didn't want to admit it, he was right.

"Thank you" I said before I started walking back to the other side of the bridge.

"Wait up"

It was him again, ‘what does he want now’.

"Listen I didn't mean to come out as rude back there. But you really shouldn't be walking alone this late at night"

"You don't need to worry about me, I can handle myself, plus I called my boyfriend."

I lied.

"Oh really. I don't see him anywhere" He taunted, moving his hand to show no one in sight.

A knot formed in my neck as I tried to swallow. My next few words coming out broken. "He p-probably didn't receive my message"

I lied again.

I increased my pace in order to lose him. I had to, before tears began to form. There's one thing I hated more than my mother drinking and that was crying.

To be specific people seeing me cry. It made me feel weak and that's something I never want to show.

"Well if that's the case, I'm not leaving you all alone to wander elsewhere. I'll walk you home". His offer sounding sincere to his word as he flashed a gummy smile.

The corner of my mouth twitched, almost wanting to smile.

"If I do, will that make you go away" expecting a simple answer.

"Yea... for now" he said said playfully nudging my arm.

"Ash..." I rolled my eyes in annoyance letting out a smile this time.

"Don't lie to me. A deal is a deal" I stated making sure he knew not to cross boundaries.

He Began to speak trying to engage in conversation.

"The sky seems brighter with the stars shining every now and then" I said staring up at the sky.

A shimmer in his eyes "Yeah it is." He agreed, taking off his hat to slightly fix it for a better view. "It's the beauty we see in the small imperfections nature has to offer."

I stared up at the Night sky.

Droplets of water landing on our faces. We kept walking and talking a bit more sharing laughs and small chuckles here and there.

The walk was only twenty minutes but it felt longer and I was grateful for it.

Across the streets there it was, my apartment. All the lights from every other apartment was off including mine. Which was a good sign, indicating my mother was still in deep slumber.

"Well this is it. Thank you again and goodbye" I said waiting for the light to turn red.

I walked away, still feeling his eyes on me every step of the way. Forbidding myself to turn back.

I hope we meet again stranger.

#oneshot #bangtan #min yoong #fiction #short story #bts imagines #bts scenarios #kim taehyung #taehyung #btsfanfic

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madmud2730 · 7 years

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Hi Madmud! I've been following you for a while and idk I felt the need to ask someone who seems to get along with people pretty well but, I have this Ex friend who long story short burned me really bad and I can't talk to them about it because they blocked me on every account they know I have, now I want to send them a message but it would be on anon so I could see their reply without being blocked, would that still count as anon hate? Even if they know who I am?

Hiya Anon! First off, I’d like to say I’m touched you came to me for help and I sincerely hope I can actually do you some good. That said, I can’t really guarantee you anything. Every situation and every person is different, and coming up with a plan of approach in these situations can be extremely difficult, even when you do know the details of the individuals involved.

Now, then, technically speaking your message will probably not fall under my definition of anon hate because you’re trying to establish a line of communication with someone, not harass, extort, or manipulate them - though you’re walking on the line of extortion and manipulation, and it’s very easy to step over.

It might help too to look critically at your situation. What happened between you two? What exactly drove them to cut you off (if you know)? Are they an individual who’s really worth bringing back into your life? Are you two any good for each other? Is it seriously worth trying to talk to them again?

Think hard on the bolded questions as they are, in my opinion, the most important. I’ve been burned and I’ve been the burner before, Anon.

In the cases where I burned, I made it very clear to the other people that they had upset me and because they were being unapologetic about their actions I told them not to talk to me anymore. When they proceeded to continue trying to talk with me anyway I blocked them. I blocked them on every single account I knew they had/could find because they would not leave me alone, even though I had very specifically and very clearly told them to stop talking to me. They hurt me, they were unapologetic about it - and in one case they even invalidated my feelings - so I blocked them. (These people are the reason why when I finally reach the last straw and have to block someone I block everything I know they own. People refuse to respect boundaries so I have to make sure they’re forced to respect them.)

In the case where I’ve been burned, I eventually realized (after a year or so) the individual wasn’t good for me anyway. They were manipulative and controlling, and I got cut off because I did something they didn’t like, which was start talking with someone they didn’t like again. (The TL;DR is the individual once made a remark that triggered my burner, so then my burner didn’t like them anymore. Supposedly there were conversations between Individual and Burner to explain why Burner was not comfortable around them anymore, but I was never privy to those conversations. I was only told they happened/didn’t happen. I was also guilted into not interacting with Individual anymore because seeing their name upset Burner a lot, and friends don’t deliberately hurt friends right?)

So, Anon, please think long and hard about what you’re doing before you do it. You’re technically not sending anon-hate, but you are walking the line of it. You’re also playing a risky game with the person who’s cut you off, and that’s why I encourage you to think long and hard about the circumstances of your situation, of the individual you’re trying to reach, and what exactly they have to offer you. Being burned sucks, I know, but sometimes you just have to move on because it’s better that way.

I hope this helps, and I hope above all else you find peace in this situation.

#anonymous #ask

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