Chapter 10: Ladies Night (Empty Canvas)
The day that Eddie left for San Diego I decided to close myself off to the outside world for a bit. I got into the routine of just going to work, going home and sleeping and I was absolutely fine with doing just that. My mind is a mess and I’m crippled by guilt. Though I can’t place the exact cause of that guilt. Is it towards Andy, towards Eddie, towards myself? I haven’t figured it out yet. So I wanted some time alone to kind of figure out what to do and come to terms with my life post-happiness. But I forgot something, well someone. Johnny Stavros Kiriakis and that fucking stubbornness of his. He called me every single day, demanding to have a ladies night with him and Corrine. I eventually gave in, just so after that I could return to my peace of mind.
Today is Tuesday and ladies night has arrived. When I got off work at eight, I rushed home so I could change, because I’d never hear the end of it, if I showed up in my work uniform.
“Darling, I demand of you to be your absolute most fabulous self”, those were the words Johnny used and I decided to just go along with it.
I got home and changed into a black leather skirt which I paired with a wine colored blouse, some tights and some black suede over the knee boots. Knowing Johnny my Doc Martens would be a big no no. I finished off the look with eyeliner, mascara and some lipstick that matched the color of my blouse.
After that I quickly put on my jacket, grabbed my bag and headed out of the door. It was only a fifteen minute walk to No Way Jose (and that’s the actual name of the fucking bar, I’m not kidding you), it’s this latin bar and it’s one of the few places that doesn’t card, which is great because I still have a month and a half of illegal drinking to go before I turn 21.
When I eventually get there it’s 9:30, half an hour late. I wouldn’t have been so late if I had been wearing my Docs instead of these heels. I enter the place and start looking around, eventually finding Johnny and Corrine in a booth with four margaritas in front of them.
“Are you guys pregnant or what? You’re drinking for two!” I tell them as I scoot in next to Corrine.
“No darling, what kind of mothers would we be”, Johnny says, sounding appalled, but then going on, “No it’s actually happy hour. Wait let me get you something!” And with those words he stands up and goes off in search of a waiter. I give Corrine a confused look.
“Oh, that? He’s crushing on this bartender named Antonio”, she explains as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Actually according to Johnny standards it is. Corrine and I make some small talk until Johnny returns with two margaritas in hand.
“There you go, sweetie, drink up, because we have a lot to talk about!” he says excitedly as he takes his place in front of me again. I oblige his orders (I’ve been following his orders a lot lately) and start drinking.
“So how is everybody’s love life going?”, he asks out of the blue with a cheeky grin. I hope he will keep his promise about being a lady and not kissing and telling.
“You know the usual. Jeff”, Corrine is the first to answer, quite dryly as she stirs her straw around her margarita.
“Details honey, details”, Johnny says, gesturing his hands wildly, his margarita sloshing around in his glass. Surprisingly he doesn’t spill a drop.
“He’s still great in bed, recently experimented with some role play. You’d be surprised how handy his hats can be when it comes to that. Very effective when trying to role play Anna Karenina, because you know I love my literature”, Coco says quite dryly to get it over with, Johnny listening intently.
“And for the rest nothing much. He’s got a huge zit on his ass, very aggressive”, she adds and my drink turns sour in my mouth.
“Corrine, honey I love your openness but even for me that’s too many details”, Johnny says, taking a big gulp of the margarita. Johnny lives by one philosophy; straws are useless.
“I don’t judge, but I’ll never be able to look at Jeff’s ass in the same way”, I say holding up my hands in defense when Corrine looks at me for support.
“Good thing, because I don’t need you looking at my boyfriends ass”, she says laughing and takes a sip of her drink through her straw.
“He does have a wonderful tushie”, Johnny adds. “Anyhow, as for me just the same old stuff I’m afraid. No one wants to love a drag queen. Honestly I kind of get it. You like men and then a guy dresses up as a woman, it can all get very confusing” he says and gestures to some of the glitter that almost permanently stuck around his eyes. But he likes it there, makes his eyes sparkle more. “But you’re not in drag when you fuck em, so what’s the problem?” Corrine states matter-of-factly, taking another sip. I follow her in that last act and drink as well. I’m gonna need more alcohol if I want to get on their level, guessing that in the half hour I was late, they got a head start of two margaritas each.
“I don’t know, men, horrible creatures. But oh, so divine”, Johnny adds, slightly dreamy and then returning to earth to talk to Coco and I once more. “Anyhow I had this thing going on with this guy last week. We fucked every single night, it was great and poof… It’s like he vanished into thin air”, he adds and makes the gestures along with it. The thin air part makes me want to smoke, so I start looking through my bag for my cigarettes and my lighter.
“So that’s why you’re chasing the bartender?” I say finding the things I was looking for. I light my cigarette, blow out the first drag and then go in for a sip of margarita. Wonderful combination.
“Indeed honey, so drink up so I can get us another round soon. I need myself a lean, mean love machine like that. Speaking of lean, mean love machines, how was Eddie?” Johnny says with a cheeky grins as he sees me choke on my drink. Fucking hell.
“WHAT?” Corrine shouts out in utter confusion, looking back and forth between me and Johnny like she’s following a game of tennis.
“Johnny, what did you say on the phone again: I’m a lady, I don’t kiss and tell”, I say in a desperate attempt to get him to shut up, but it’s probably not gonna work.
“Indeed, I don’t kiss and tell. I put people on the spot, because I want you to tell it”, he says with a wide grin.
“Great”, I mumble as I take a big gulp of my drink and another drag of my cigarette.
“Someone please clarify, because what the fuck is going on here? I’m very confused”, says sounding very frustrated. I would be too if I was in her situation.
“Okay, so what happened a few days ago, the day after Mookie’s first show at the Off Ramp…” Johnny decides to take matters in his own hands and starts explaining.
“Johnny, again, what’s up with this kissing and telling tonight?”, I say, once again, trying to get him to shut up. But I realize it’s a lost cause, so I attach my lips to the margarita glass again, finishing the rest of the first one in one gulp, picking up the second already.
“I’m not a lady tonight!” he exclaims and then turns to Corrine, who practically begging for an explanation. “Anyhow so I call her up to check on her, since you called me earlier that day to tell me about our little minx’s mental breakdown after kissing Mister Not-So-Tall, Dark and Handsome”, he starts.
“Uh huh, so far I’m on board”, Coco says and takes a sip of her drink. I light another cigarette.
“So she picks up the phone and she’s in this horrible hurry, trying to get me off the phone as soon as possible”, he says looking at me and then continuing with a cheeky grin, “Which made me suspect that something was up, turns out there was something up!” he says and wiggles his eyebrows making innuendos of an erection with his fingers.
“For fuck’s sake”, I mutter as I start on the second margarita, rolling my eyes.
“Indeed for fuck’s sake!” Johnny continues and I swear to God, he’s almost giggling with glee. “So I start noticing throughout this phone call that our little chainsmoker here is sounding desperately short on breath. Sometimes she even moans and groans”, he says wiggling those eyebrows once again.
“Oh my fucking God, Lola!” Corrine starts out shouting, but quickly lowers her voice to a whisper-shout as she notices my stare of doom.
“So I try to ask her about it and she tries to brush it off as fucking foot cramp” Johnny says, bursting out in laughter, continuing once he calmed down. “But eventually I heard the chuckle of a certain Californian sex god and put one and one together”, he says and thereby finishes telling my sex life to Corrine, and the people in the booth next to us, who seem to be listening along.
“You were fucking with Eddie when you picked up the phone!” Coco whisper-shouts again.
“We weren’t fucking. He was punishing me for picking up the damn thing in the first place”, I explain and I don’t even know why I feel the need I have to. I light another cigarette.
“That’s even better, he’s got a kinky side”, Johnny says and for a brief moment I can see a glimpse of his BDSM fantasies coming through his eyes.
“Really, Eddie, shy, sweet, sensitive Eddie?” Corrine asks, no longer whisper-shouting, but just very intrigued at this moment. I just nod, not really feeling like explaining much more. Also because what happened between Eddie and I was only supposed to be between us. Just the great memories of a wonderful day, not conversational material for a bar that plays mariachi music.
“So what does that mean? You pushed away your crazy thoughts of I’m never gonna love again, no one could ever love me again? And you’re with Eddie? Honestly, I’m so happy for this quick change of heart, you’re perfect together” Corrine says so fast, I barely have time to process it all.
“I agree!” Johnny shouts out and he has to refrain himself from clapping with glee. By now I have processed all their comments. They’re playing match maker again. They’ve been doing this ever since about two months after Andy died.
“I didn’t change my ‘mind’” I say bitterly, making air quotes with my fingers.
“What do you mean?” Johnny shouts out appalled at the same time that Corrine lets out a surprised “Come again please?”
“I didn’t change my mind”, I repeat slowly and take another sip.
“You’re gonna have to explain more”, Corrine quickly says and takes my packet of cigarettes hostage, whilst Johnny snatches my drink from my hands and finishes it. I sigh in aggravation. This decision has been hard enough to make on my own and I really don’t feel like explaining it to them. But I have no choice.
“I allowed myself one day” I start, “Which eventually lasted longer than a day, it was more like 36 hours or so, but you get the idea- of happiness. And that’s it. That’s all it ever can be, between Eddie and I, for both of our sakes” I say somberly. Please let it stop now, because I’m gonna be crying in five minutes if not. Corrine looks at me with pity in her eyes. Johnny on the other hand…
“She’s got to be kidding right?” he lets out, very appalled.
“No I’m not. Johnny, get me another round”, I say, trying to repress my sadness with the promise of more margaritas. Bringing all of this up just makes me want to drink until I black out, so I can forget all of it. Because I don’t want this… But it’s what has to be done.
“Not until we clear this fucking mess up” Johnny shouts out, actually angry. He takes a deep breath to calm down before going on. “So you’re telling us that you allowed to be yourself with Eddie for one day and that’s it? How did he react?”
“He doesn’t know” I say in a small voice. That’s the part that’s been haunting me the most. The thought of seeing Eddie again and sending him away. I still don’t know if I will be able to do that.
“That’s gonna break his fucking heart…” Coco says sadly, saddling me up with even more guilt.
“Not as bad as being attached to an emotional wreck” I say, defending myself. They need to understand this. I can’t be with him. I want to be, but it would be selfish and wrong.
“Oh Lola, honey, snap the fuck out of it”, Johnny begins what I assume is gonna be a passionate soliloquy. “You’re fucking perfect for each other. So what that you’ve got baggage. He’s got a shit ton of baggage too, I mean have you listened to the guy’s songs? Those aren’t the words of someone who has had an easy-breezy life!”
“And from what I know from Jeff, he’s absolutely head over heels in love with you. Just as you are with him, and don’t retract those words, because you told them to me in person”, Corrine follows Johnny’s comment up and gives me a stern stare.
“And I heard them from a third person account, or is it second person. Oh fuck grammar!” Johnny chimes in, getting frustrated, with himself and probably with the situation.
“He doesn’t stop talking about you during rehearsal”, Corrine continues and even though I don’t want to, her comments make me smile. “Whenever one of the guys mentions your name, it’s like all the clouds above his head disappear, and that’s a literal quote from Jeff. And you know he doesn’t lie to me, because I’d have his balls if he did”, she says, the last part making me chuckle.
“I just saw you guys together once and when he looked at you he was completely smitten, it was the sweetest thing”, Johnny says, getting over his frustration, sounding kind of dreamy.
“You like the same music, you’ve both got baggage…” Corrine continues.
“You’d look beautiful together and from what I’ve heard, you’re very sexually compatible”, Johnny says finishing off Corrine’s train of thought.
“So in conclusion, you have to date him”, Corrine says, making it sound like a done deal. They’ve somewhat pulled me over to their side. Eddie and I… We could be good together. Maybe I could push aside my fears of breaking again, knowing that he probably has those too… But…
“Guys… I know. I feel it too. The connection we have it’s crazy. It’s like we’ve known each other for ages and whenever I’m near him it feels like I can finally breathe for the first time in my life…” When I say this it makes both of them smile like crazy. “But… What about Andy…” I say.
I guess that’s the thing that it all boils down to. If I go for Eddie, I have to let Andy go. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that.
“Okay, I’m gonna be harsh here, very harsh”, Johnny begins and I mentally prepare myself. “Honey, he’s dead. He’s gone. I know you still love him and you probably will always love him. But I knew Andy as well and there’s one thing I know for certain and that is that he would’ve wanted you to find someone that makes you happy.”
“Exactly. You can’t hold on to the past forever”, Corrine chimes in, putting a hand on my shoulder, softly rubbing it. He would want me to be happy, but so soon… Andy never cared about timing, but I do.
“And the thing is that you don’t have to rush into a relationship with Eddie. Date a little, get to know each other more. Give it some time to breathe”, Johnny says as if reading my thoughts.
“Johnny, when did you become so wise?” Corrine says, chuckling slightly.
“Three margaritas will do that to a person” Johnny adds without missing a beat, making both me and Corrine laugh. He reaches over the table and takes my hand in his.
“Honey, you deserve happiness and you can actually have it. And it just so turns out that it walked through your door in the form of a Californian Sex God” he and I chuckle through a sniffle. When did I even start crying?
“Just try to give it a chance at least”, he says, looking at me hopefully.
“I’ll think about it”, I whisper, squeezing his hand.
“That’s all we can ask of you at the moment”, Corrine adds and with that this part of the conversation seems to be concluded.
“Can we ask one more thing?” Johnny says however with a cheeky grin. Corrine gives him a questioning look and I do the same. Where the hell is he going with this?
“How was he?” Johnny says doing his trademark eyebrow wiggle, making us all understand what he’s getting at.
“Seriously?” I ask. I mean we just spent the last part of the conversation talking about me moving on from my dead ex boyfriend and opening up to someone new, and he want to know about the sex? I should’ve expected this. It’s Johnny after all.
“Yup”, he says, cheeky grin still wide. I look at Corrine for support, but she’s looking at me with eyes wide with intrigue, ready for me to spill the beans.
“Fine”, I sigh and they both lean in closer. “Okay, I’ll say one thing and don’t even think about asking details.”
“Deal”, Johnny says, quick as a bat, Corrine nodding like a bobble head during an earth quake. I decide to go with one of the thoughts that I remember crossing my mind once I hung up on Johnny.
“If God didn’t want us to be sinners, he shouldn’t have put men like him on the planet”, I say and stand up to head to the bar to order us another round of drinks.
***
We stayed at the bar until they closed down at 3. We spent the entire time talking about the most random things. Johnny couldn’t resist bringing up Eddie again from time to time and I let him, figuring his fascination will blow over sooner or later.
The high point of the evening was probably when Johnny competed in a voguing competition with a girl who was having her bachelor party there. Antonio the bartender was the judge and he decided that Johnny was the winner. Needless to say that they clung to each other like gum underneath a shoe for the rest of the night. Johnny ended up leaving with him.
Corrine got into her car and asked me if I needed a ride home. I kindly declined, seeing as she drank most of all. I switched to virgin margaritas around midnight and was completely fine. Besides I like to walk. It clears out my head.
The fifteen minute walk back to the gallery seemed so much longer in the cold weather of the middle of the night. As a bonus, it had started raining as well. Great, exactly what I needed.
My thoughts drifted towards Eddie, still in San Diego. How I would’ve loved to have gone with him. Spending the entire time on the beach, trying to teach me how to surf, throwing me in the water when I least expected it. Hot make out session in and out of the water, maybe even more. How I would’ve loved to have done all of that.
One decision that I made for sure is that I wouldn’t try to cut him out of my life, like I first intended to. That was a stupid thought, why the hell did I ever think that was a good plan. First of all, Jesus, what a bitch a I would’ve been, secondly, I don’t think I could’ve even done that. I can’t stay away from him.
There’s also another decision that I made. No more further worrying about how things will turn out with Eddie; The moment I’ll see him again, I’ll go with my gut feeling, that will either lead me into his arms again or not.
It’s strange to admit, but I’ve missed him so much over the past four days. It’s crazy, because ten days ago he wasn’t even in my life and now a week without him felt like agony.
When I finally turn into the alley way behind the gallery, I’m completely soaked with rain and it’s pouring down even heavier than before. I hear lightning crackle overhead, followed only seconds later by the sound of thunder.
I see a figure standing by the backdoor of the gallery. As I get closer the silhouette becomes more distinct. Long brown curly hair, plaid shirt, sleeveless leather jacket, surprisingly enough in a pair of jeans that reach his ankles and Doc Martens.
“Eddie?” I ask, completely confused. He’s supposed to be in San Diego, he won’t be back for another couple of days. And this is not a drunken fantasy, because I’m sober as can be at the moment. But the figure lifts his heads at the sound of my voice and baby blue eyes stare right at me.
“Lola!” he says my name and a smile spreads across his face. In that moment I decide to follow my gut feeling. I run up to him and wrap my arms around his neck, attaching my lips to his. He immediately pulls me closer by my waist with one arm. He uses his other hand to cradle the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my wet hair. He kisses me deeply and passionately, making up for the days we spent apart all in that moment.
This is right. I need him, I want him. I choose to leave the past behind. I choose him.
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Quilt Block Mania - April is Neighborhood
Welcome to my stop on the Quilt Block Mania Blog Hop. Each of the designers participating in the hop are sharing a block pattern inspired by this month’s theme, which is Neighborhood.
Welcome to Funky Town!
When I heard the theme, I immediately thought of curvy, wacky, colorful houses a la Dr. Seuss and I knew I wanted to design a funky town!
Here’s my fabric pull. I started with bright prints with interesting textures, then added some matching solids. To polish everything off, I pulled from my stack of black and white prints, then added a pink polka dot.
I call my block Funky Town. I hope you’ll make my block! If you do, please tag me on social media @inquiringquilter.
My block uses fusible applique techniques. If you need additional help with this technique, I’ve got a photo tutorial here.
There are lots of designers in this hop so be sure to visit all of them for your free pattern. Here are links to all the blocks in the Quilt Block Mania Neighborhood Series:
Store Front Quilt Block by Carolina Moore
Funky Town by Inquiring Quilter
Rail Fence by Scrapdash
Neighbors by QuiltFabrication
Neighborhood trees
House of Worship at Patti's Patchwork
Jellybean Row by Penny Spool Quilts
Mr. Roger's Sweater by Crafty Staci
Block Party at Lovingly, Lissa
Mid Modern Home
Home Sweet Home by the Quilte Diary
Bird House
Applique English cottage by Flowerdog+Co
Street Sign
Park Entrance at Patchwork Breeze
Good Fences by Kaye Collins
Down the street
Mr. Rogers Trolley Quilt Block by The Quilting Room
Log Cabin Garden by Epida Studio
Garden Flags by A Piece of Quiet Quilts
Charleston Palm Tree
House and Tree
I often make my block into a mini quilt so I can display it at work. You can do that too with each month’s Quilt Block Mania block from me, or you can collect the blocks from all the designers in each month and make a quilt.
Scroll through my past Quilt Block Mania blocks. By the way, if you missed any of my previous Quilt Block Mania blocks, they are available in my shop.
US CUSTOMERS INTERNATIONAL CUSTOMERS
Quilt Block Mania returns next month with the theme, “Friendship” so be sure to come back on the first Tuesday of the month to see what I create!
How do I get the free Funky Town block pattern?
My Funky Town block pattern is free to my email subscribers. I send out a newsletter twice a month—besides news about blog hops, sales, and the goings on here at Inquiring Quilter, I also include a code for downloading this month’s pattern for free.
The next newsletter will go out Sunday, April 9th. Watch for it in your Inbox! Inside the newsletter is a code that will enable you to download the block pattern from my shop for free.
If you’re already a subscriber, you don’t need to do a thing except wait until my newsletter arrives. Then open the newsletter and use the code to download my pattern.
If you aren’t a subscriber yet but you’d like to be, click here to sign up.
Before you go, let me tell you about everything that’s going on here this week.
Happenings Here at Inquiring Quilter
Have you been participating in the Bits & Pieces Blog Hop? The hop features the new batik collection Bits & Pieces in fabulous quilts!
Drop by to see my quilt and to enter my giveaway!
I’ve published a new video on my YouTube channel—go check it out! Be sure to subscribe so you won’t miss my newest videos!
My weekly show and tell linkup, Wednesday Wait Loss is six years old! Over the years, my little weekly group has encouraged many wonderful finishes. Join us by sharing your latest project.
Here’s a link to this week’s show and tell link up.
If you’re looking to make new friends, join me on Facebook this Saturday for my weekly online quilting retreat I call my Saturday Sew-In. The fun starts at 8 AM EST and runs through 6 PM EST. It’s not live but there are get to know you prompts throughout the day to spark discussion and friendship. This is a fun and friendly group and you’ll soon make friends—real friends.
In addition, you’ll be inspired by other quilter’s projects and you’ll gets tons of encouragement as you share your own. If you’ve been missing companionship since COVID started, I guarantee you’ll find it here. Saturday Sew-In takes place in my private Facebook group. Click here to join my Facebook group. Be sure to answer the questions so I know your not a bot.
Thanks for stopping by!
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Tell me…will you be making my How I Roll block?
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