#i hope my husband is doing good now and gets better queer roles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

castiel-left-his-mark-on-me · 3 years

Note

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

#omg #I don't even know if this makes sense #this took way too long to write #j2 #cockles #long post #spn family #so glad you see you back again my dear #welcome to hell #it's hotter now

170 notes · View notes

cooloddball · 3 years

Note

Hey there! I like your blog and I consider it a safe place to talk about Cockles which I strongly believe in. So, my question is - or rather, questions are - what do you think about their current status? Are they still in love w/ each other and are they waiting for the right time to make a coming out?

Also... There are rumors I heard that he and Jensen planned to engage after the end of the show which supposed to be after season 5. Do you know anything about them? But SPN got another season, than another... Jensen met Danneel and they got married. Cockles break up theory, hello... So, Jensen and Misha agreed to stay good friends since then? But at the same time I see all their latest flirting w/ each other, "sweetheart", "okay babe", etc, and "it warms the Cockles of my heart" 😇💙 I still have hope in them. 😊

Hey to you too!

That's very sweet of you to say. I'm always free to talk about cockles so don't hesitate to ask anything.

Their current status -> I have always thought of them as husbands. Hear me out, I don't mean that they are husbands in the traditional sense but more like a couple that has been together too long that they are basically married. Some people believe that they are married, because of the rings, but even if they actually did have a wedding ceremony, it would just be symbolic and not legal seeing that they are already married to the women they love. So I strongly believe that they are still husbands in an unconventional way that works for them. I hope this makes sense.

Are they still in love with each other ->They are definitely in love and have been for the past 11 years if the anniversary post is anything to go by. I mean have you seen how they look at each other even after all these years? I think that being that they don't spend every waking moment together makes the heart grow fonder. So yes, they are still very much in love with each other.

Are they waiting for a chance to come out? -> I honestly don't know about this bit because there are so many factors in play here. a)they may not want to come out at all which is okay by me and other cockles shippers I know. b)they have wives. I mean I believe Hollywood can forgive gay or bisexual men but not gay/bisexual men in a polyamorous relationship. I wish we lived in a better world but I doubt Jensen would even get any badass superhero roles he seems to like so much. Misha has political inclinations too and I highly doubt that most politicians would want to be affiliated with a gay/bisexual poly man. c)their kids. I think of all the things I have mentioned, their kids are their first priority. Their kids face backlash from some fans which to me is just appalling, why hate on kids, they didn't do anything. So can you imagine what they would go through if it was confirmed to the public that indeed their dads are queer and in a poly relationship with each other? So imo I am inclined to say, for now, NO they won't be coming out any time soon. But if they do, I and other cockles shippers will support them. And if they never do, then we will still be in the dumpster being their biggest fans.

I have never heard of rumours of their engagement after season 5 and highly doubt that it's true seeing that a) Misha was still married to his high school sweetheart, b)they had barely known each other long enough want to take that step, and c)knowing Jensen and how he used to be, performing masculinity and doing everything that was required of him, then I highly doubt they would want to get engaged back then.

I am 99% confident that they made up after the breakup and they are more than just friends. Their relationship is much more evident now than it was ten years ago. So, no, they are not just friends, they are husbands. See point 1.

I hope this answered your ask. If it didn't let me know.

#asks #anon #cockles #wow i didn't know that people thought that they breakup was permanent #oh my poor babies #they are so very much in love #and the engagement rumour is new to mean and I honestly can't imagine 2009 jensen wanting to marry a guy #2015 to present jensen maybe #i mean he has changed a lot

56 notes · View notes

rosiegeee · 3 years

Text

Background One Second Gays/Last Minute Gays in Disney Movies

Disney has a very long history of making queer coded characters, mostly villains, and despite there being several opportunities in the past two decades to make characters that have actual speaking lines LGBT, there are next to none. Here are, to my knowledge, the only confirmed LGBT characters/couples in Disney movies.

Lefou and his dance partner. 2017 Beauty and the Beast.

Lefou is in a good portion of the movie, and he clearly has something for Gaston, but when Gaston point blank asks Lefou why he isn’t with any girl, Lefou doesn’t have a gay panic moment where he tries to hide anything, or says he’s gay/bi. He gives a genuine answer that women just don’t like him, which implies that he truly wants to be with a woman. In the last five minutes of the movie Lefou is dancing with a woman and is smiling and having fun, than his partner leaves and is replaced with a man, and Lefou’s face turns to confusion and not a look of attraction, although the man seems interested in him. What I’m saying is that Disney said how proud they were of making Lefou gay, but had no true set up, had the character genuinely says they like women, than when he has his gay moment he looks uncomfortable, and not in a questioning-my-sexuality kind of way. Lefou is a last minute gay.

Officer Specter. Onward

This character is far better than Lefou, but still falls in the one second gay category. She’s not in a good portion of the movie, but she does have speaking lines, and one of them is she mentions her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s daughter. She is probably the best character on this list, and that is sad because she’s in less than ten minutes of the movie and although we don’t need to, it would have been nice to see said family, even just a picture would suffice. Still she is only one of three characters on this list who makes it specifically clear that they are LGBT, while the others had to be confirmed outside the film by the film makers.

Bucky and Pronk

They are introduced as Judy’s loud next door neighbors and were confirmed nine months after the films release that they were a married couple and not brothers, the actor for these two had to confirm it, and in four years Disney has not debunked it so its Canon, but could be debunked by disney if they feel like it. If they are a couple than that makes them the first LGBT couple in disney, and how were they portrayed, yelling and arguing at each other in every scene they are in except the nudist shot. They fall into the retroactively gay category, and In my eyes the disappointing category.

Bobby. Avengers: Endgame.

Do you know how long it took me to find the name of this character. Five minutes, when all it should take is typing in “Gay grieving man in Endgame” into Google, but he was such a small character that I had to go through 3 different MCU wikia pages to find his name. He is one of the three confirmed for sure onscreen LGBT characters. He’s talking to Steve Rogers five year after the snap in group therapy about his date with a male character, and how he misses his previous boyfriend. If Valkyrie never gets confirmed onscreen this is all the MCU has. I classify him a one minute gay. (Side note Bobby here is taking to the man that risked his life multiple times to save the life of Bucky just so they an stay platonically together without Bucky asking him too, where as Peggy, the woman Cap marries at the end of this movie, begged Steve to get off the ship and we know there were parachutes, not that he needs them, and that once he changed the course of the plane he probably could have jumped ship to be with her, but instead choose suicide[He also thought Bucky was dead at this point.] So read into that as much as you want and think about how much sense the final scene of Endgame made.)

Commander Larma D'Acy and Lieutenant Wrobie Tyce. Star Wars: the Rise of Skywalker.

Bet you also didn’t know the name of the woman D’Acy was kissing in this scene, did you? D’Acy was a minor character who was in all three sequel Star Wars movies and I honestly liked her even before I knew she was gay, but considering how much hype and teasing by ALL the actors that FinnPoe would become canon, this felt like a punch in the gut. In fact all they had to do was make the obviously gay Poe canonoticly gay but still single and I would have settled for that, but instead D’Acy, who was barely in the films and hadn’t mentioned her wife at all in 3 movies or are seen together before this point on screen, was the one to be confirmed on screen to be gay. These two fall under the last minute gays category.

Lesbian couple in Finding Dory and Lesbian Moms in Toy Story 4.

If these two couple have names, I couldn’t find them. The first two should because I think one has a speaking role and therefore should be credited, but I couldn’t find it, if you know write a comment. The Finding Dory couple could literally just be friends and we would never know if Disney hadn’t been all like “Look at the gay characters we gave you, we’re so proud.” The mom’s in Toy Story 4 are more obviously a couple, especially in there second appearance in the end, but they are so far in the background that you could easily mistake the black mother for the Caucasian mom’s husband if Disney hadn’t again advertised these characters as there glorious representation. These two couple fall under the background/ confirmed off-screen one second gays category.

So in total, counting mentioned partners that never were on screen, the number of confirmed LGBT people in all of Disney is 15. After reading this I hope it becomes blaringly obvious why Disney needs more prominent LGBT representation. If this were done with racial representation Disney would not probably still be in business. Raya and Luca gives me hope, but only slightly, so if you want your Queer Disney fix, your going to have to stick to Tv, books, and shorts for now.

121 notes · View notes

coffeesuperhero · 4 years

Text

leverage fic recs

So, I needed a better organizational system than my AO3 bookmarks (boy do I miss delicious!), so I’m just going to start a post for myself here and reblog it occasionally as I add to it. Most (all?) of these are OT3 fics, because I am who I am and I read what I read. If you want non-OT3 fic recs, I am not your person. Probably you have read these, but if you haven’t, what are you waiting for!

Gen:

01. The Fake Geek Boy Job, by shinealightonme. It’s casefic at a fan convention and Eliot has to cosplay. In spandex. Go read it and enjoy yourself, already.

Beautiful shippy fic (everyone is together/small moments/slice of life):

01. The Three Rings Job, by HugeAlienPie. Sophie POV. The OT3 at Nate and Sophie’s wedding, where Nate and Sophie are not aware that there is now an OT3. It’s soft. And so sweet you could serve it as dessert. And it has the best boat name for a Nate and Sophie boat in the world.

02. hacker/hitter/thief/home, by AtlantisRises. A collection of short OT3 fics that hit you just right in the feels, in the best way.

03. Nothing’s Exactly What We Need, by BabylonsFall. The OT3, on vacation.

Everybody is together and also there’s a con:

01. Covenants, Conditions, & Restrictions, by page_runner. We love a good long fic where the OT3 help an old lady and con an HOA, because HOA’s are the worst. This fic also gives me deeply hurt feelings about the team having to leave Portland, which I know in my heart is probably the Way of Things, but which I will never write myself because heartbreak. But this deals with that reality so beautifully, and it’s a good con, too.

Getting together OT3: 01. just want you close, by biblionerd07. Eliot-POV, post-rundown, man am I a sucker for Eliot-POV stories where Parker and Hardison just...love the hell out of him, and this is just a lovely, careful, sweet version of that.

02. international small arms traffic blues, by ftmsteverogers. Eliot POV, character study + get together fic. Makes you very sad for Eliot, and then happier for Eliot. And I’m a sucker for anytime someone has to call Sophie for advice.

03. So Come On, Avalanche, by elysiumwaits. It is Eliot POV snowed-in at a cabin OT3 getting together fic, so idk what more you need to know to read it.

04. Rings a Bell, by venilia. Eliot wakes up with amnesia and thinks he’s married to Hardison and also has a Parker, it’s silly and sweet.

05. The Thunderous Roll of a Tropical Sea (the moonlit memory I can’t seem to lose), by phnelt. **content notes: canon-typical violence + Mature! grown and sexy content ahoy!** I have classified this as a “getting together” story, because ultimately that is what happens, but it’s probably more like “eliot getting his shit together, and now they’re all together,” which is my favorite flavor of OT3 getting together fic, anyway. It starts out a little sad, because gasp! They were together but they split up!! But it has a happy ending. It also has fake marrieds, my favorite trope of all time. Eliot feeding Hardison strawberries and playing with his fake husband on a beach while Parker watches? Please.

06. Happy Meal, by @leiascully Listen, I admit that I am biased, because my wife wrote this for me, but it is this really hilarious flirting-over-the-comms-pre-OT3-sort-of-getting-together story, and I laughed, and it was great, so you should enjoy it, too.

07. Oklahoma’s Next Top Model, by Hedgehog-O-Brien (Roshwen). Hardison POV. This fic has the greatest tag of all time, which is: “Title not entirely accurate bc Eliot's clearly a bottom but who cares“ and I knew I was in good hands solely on that basis before I read a word of the fic. Tbh I put this in this “getting together” category because I feel like it’s heavily implied at the end that there’s a getting together situation happening, but like, that’s not why you read this fic. You read this fic for the ridiculously over the top OT3 photoshoot of your wildest dreams. You will laugh. You will be entertained. Enjoy!

08. Fifty Fake Dates, by calico_fiction. WIP, Hardison POV. nb: This hasn’t been updated in a minute but a) I too have WIPs that take a long-ass time between updates, if this updated in ten years I would still be excited to read it and b) the chapter that’s up is such a delight to me that I really think it’s worth a read even if this is all of this story the author wants to post. It’s a great Hardison POV with some delicious pining and fake Hardison/Eliot dating, which is my jam.

09. For Real, by BurningTea. It’s hard to do an accidental marriage in this canon, but this fic did that! Hardison’s technical expertise goes a bit awry and everybody has to have....a talk. About feelings.

Hurt/comfort:

01. Dig Deep, by BurningTea. Eliot has to dig his own grave and climb into it. It hurts a lot!!!! And then it’s comforting. So, exactly what it says on the tin. Good character observations and nicely written, hurts exactly right and comforts exactly right, too.

Hot (nsfw, 18+, Mature, grown and sexy content for grown and sexy adults):

01. Don’t Come Late, by @leiascully. It’s just...the OT3, having really hot sex. That’s it, that’s the review. (The writing is delightful and there’s like, funny stuff in with the sexy stuff, which is real life and always nice to see, you know?)

02. Take the Leap, by Penknife. Hardison POV, first time OT3 threesome/verbal domination. The characterization in this is just **chef’s kiss** perfection. Funny, and hot. My favorite combo.

03. The Post-Rundown Job, by DelektorskiChick. Eliot POV, demi-Parker, mostly Eliot/Hardison but Parker’s participating in her own way. I’m a sucker for some good sexy post-injury care and this is right after Rundown, so it checks that box big time.

04. In Sync, by monsoon_moon. Eliot POV, first time OT3some.

Character studies:

01. Dawning, by @darkfinch. Eliot POV, mind all the warnings. This (read with its sequel, a WIP linked below) is probably one of my favorite Leverage pieces in existence? It is just the most beautiful, dark, horrible look at Eliot-works-for-Moreau you could hope for, except that also there’s a sequel called Reverberate, and that is also perfect and intense and really digs into what’s happening in Eliot’s mind and life during s3 after Nate drops the “we’re going after Moreau” bombshell. Both of these stories are painfully perfect and believable and real and I love them with my whole heart. The story structure and writing on both of those pieces is just excellent and the characterization is pitch perfect, and along with the stress and trauma you really get some just fantastic character moments. Idky you’re reading my review instead of the story tbh go read that, thanks!

02. Ten Prides in Portland, by @leiascully. I put this as a character study because it is one? It’s about queer shit, and learning to be part of a community of queer people, and learning that you can be a mentor and a role model for other queer people even if you don’t have your own stuff figured out. I am extremely biased because this is my wife and I got to watch this story grow into existence every day, but I think it’s a really beautiful look at the queer community broadly, all the people who fit under the umbrella, and belonging. It’s sweet and funny and beautiful, and I really needed to feel like I was at Pride this year, and this helped.

03. Different, by @leiascully. Hardison POV. Honestly this just made me want to go find baby Hardison and hug him for a really long time.

04. The Twine and the Things We Bind, by @darkfinch. WIP, H/C, big on the H. Parker and Hardison taking care of an extremely fractious, extremely injured Eliot Spencer is my jam.com forever and this is all of that with beautiful characterization and writing. Also some of the best action scenes I’ve read in a while. I do not write action At All and this does it SO WELL.

05. A Kiss for Luck, by AlannaOfRoses. Parker POV. A good look into Parker’s thoughts on luck during the Rundown Job/feelsy flashbacks.

OC/Outsider POV:

01. Let’s Go Steal a Protege, by @innytoes. WIP. Gosh I adore this. It’s found family shenanigans from an outside-the-OT3 perspective. Jamie, the main POV OC (nonbinary rep!!), is a fucking delight of a human and their interactions with the super!married OT3 are all incredible. It is sweet and funny and sometimes sad but almost always in a happy tears kind of way, because it’s about finding a family. And there are so many genuine laugh-out-loud moments in this fic that I reread it a lot lately or think of it when I need something to lift my spirits. (There is a bit in chapter six with some thrift store purchases that I just absolutely lose my shit at every time.) I very badly want this story to just be canon tbh. Petition for that.

AU’s

01. The Out of This World Job (Or, Per Furtum Ad Astra), by pathera. It’s a job, but it’s IN SPACE. Parker, Hardison, & Eliot find a spaceship; shenanigans ensue. Beautifully in character, some poignant character moments, awesome writing, and just a really vivid world.

02. Plastic Pearls, by BabylonsFall. Kidfic! Various POV. Parker and Hardison move in across the hall from single-dad Eliot. I adore this, it is sweet and soft and everything you could hope for in a story where Eliot is raising a smol Molly.

#leverage #Team Leverage OT3 #fic rec #really gotta tag my shit better #RIP del.icio.us you were the best bookmark system

212 notes · View notes

vanessakirbyfans · 3 years

Link

Some may remember British actress Vanessa Kirby, 32, as Princess Margaret in the first two seasons of the TV series The Crown, or as black-market arms dealer White Widow in Mission: Impossible-Fallout, with Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt. This year she received a Golden Globe nomination as Best Actress in a Drama from the journalists of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for her performance in Pieces of a Woman, by Hungarian director Kornél Mundruczó, a role which had already earned her the Volpi Cup for Best Actress at last year’s Venice Film Festival. She costars with Katherine Waterston in The World to Come, by Norwegian filmmaker Mona Fastvold, which also premiered in Venice, and won the Queer Lion award for Best LGBTQ-Themed Film.

The story of Pieces of a Woman is based on a tragic loss that really happened to the director and his wife, Kata Wéber, who wrote the screenplay. What did they communicate to you about their experience?

I knew that for Kornél and Kata this was a personal story, I didn’t know exactly the circumstances of how they lost a baby, but as we started approaching the movie, they did share that with me. I felt that it came from such a viscerally deep part of Kata and from a real need to share and break the silence around something that for women is so rarely talked about. So, this was a quite therapeutic journey for them, and it was very healing, between them as a couple, to go through this process. I literally saw that every day on set, the conversation that was happening between them, the facing of really painful moments, and their very different grieving experiences. That taught me a lot actually because when you go through any kind of loss or trauma, everyone processes it differently, but sharing that it’s healing, so we always hoped that the film would offer some small comfort for people out there who might need it.

Ellen Burstyn plays your mother in the film. What was it like for you to work with such an experienced actress and to get to know her as a person?

Ellen has always been such an icon in my life and such a legend, I’ve seen all of her performances, and she reminds me of Gena Rowlands, who’s also one of my favorite actresses. She has such a fire as an actress, such a strong energy and presence, and yet you always feel this vulnerability, this fragility, underneath. So, I was excited to go head-to-head with Ellen, because she’s done so many incredible films and she’s head of the Actors’ Studio. It was amazing to work with her and actually, we became really good friends. During rehearsals she invited me over to her house for a sleepover, she called it a pajama party, and we really bonded, we spent many hours talking, we went to bed at 3 am. Since then, we’ve been really close, and she’s definitely very maternal towards me. She’s such a soulful spiritual person and she’s so wise, that I’m very lucky to have her in my life.

In The World to Come you play a farmer’s wife living in Upstate New York during the 1850s. What did you discover about how women lived back then?

When I was researching the film, I couldn’t believe how ignorant I was that, not that long ago, women were completely owned by their husbands, that the home was your domain, you should serve your husband in his home and the children that you had, that it was your husband’s choice what you did with your time, what your name was and everything. That was the law, that was the religion and the way it was. In those days it was all about convention, what you were expected to do, who you were told to be by society and by the structures of a completely patriarchal system. These women, who are literally our ancestors in a way, had to make so many sacrifices and simply didn’t have the choices in their lives that we have now. So that made me incredibly grateful for the choices that I have today, whether it’s what I do with my afternoon or who I love, or how freely I can love. So, I felt very passionate about that story.

Did you come to understand some of the elements that make it so liberating for women to have romantic or sexual relationships with other women as opposed to relationships with men?

Mona Fastvold, the director, told us that these relationships between women have always been there, throughout history, and it’s important to tell those stories now, because, even in times when it was almost completely impossible, there would have been moments when two humans really wanted to be together and didn’t have the choice to be able to, because the only union that should happen is between a man and woman. I’m really proud of the film because it’s a brief moment in these women’s lives, when they are seen for who they really are and they really connect, they feel what they should have a right to feel, and they had the courage to actually do it and to be true to who they were. The film is an ode to those women, like a cry for them in a way. I really imagined all those moments in life that may have been lit up by a person or something that made you feel so free in yourself, and you may have had that only for a moment, because of the system and the restrictions on who you were allowed to be by society.

We have all had a very difficult year, because of the Covid pandemic, and many other problems in the world. What have been some of your thoughts during this time, and do you hope that this crisis could bring about a change for a better future?

Yes, this last year has been so hard on everyone, and so much of it has been about readjusting. We’ve all had a year, when in many different ways there has been loss and our idea of how our life always has been having completely changed, for everyone across the whole planet. I finished filming Pieces of a Woman about a week before the pandemic happened, and we filmed The World to Come right before that, and both films were about the loss of a child, so they strangely seem spiritually linked. They are also both about women who don’t have voices, so I felt like they were giving voice to a female experience that is so rarely if ever, depicted and represented on the screen. Doing those films definitely left me with a sense of hope, that we can come to terms with tragedies and come out of them stronger somehow, whether that means that we’re more united or more compassionate, that we feel more empathy or more solidarity with what every single person is facing right now across the world. That’s what I hope.

#Vanessa Kirby #Pieces of a Woman #The World to Come #Interview #Articles

20 notes · View notes

ashenpages · 3 years

Text

Current Fic Ideas & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer that I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my fics will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah. This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍 These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon always play rock-paper-scissors after a big heist to decide who’ll give the group a striptease, and who will get showered with money. Based on a piece of fanart that is basically this sequence of events in a 4koma (except in their version Jigen loses and in mine, it’s Goemon). (written, just needs editing)

Zenigata cuffs Lupin four times, and Lupin steals his heart. Very NSFW conclusion. Zenigata is the most caring lover you’ll ever find. Lupin is as thirsty as usual and twice as intense. (written, just needs editing)

Jigen protects Lupin from poison darts during a treasure hunt in an Aztec temple, and Lupin nurses him back to help--forcibly, since Jigen is a horrible patient. Born from my desire to spoil Jigen and talk about what ridiculous domestic husbands these two are. (WIP)

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes)

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy: 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

#sonic the hedgehog #Lupin III #persona 5 #Devil May Cry #Hades Game #Castlevania #fma #Breath of the Wild #age of calamity

3 notes · View notes

mia-ugly · 5 years

Text

And I whispered to the void, what would you have of me? And the void whispered back: ...A GOOD OMENS SHOWMANCE AU...

CW: homophobia, mentions of drug use, smoking, alcohol, movie stars that have Fallen. (Thanks @ineffably-effable for your excellent feedback and terrible encouragement.)

“What happened to your coat?”

Crowley hadn’t meant to start out like that. Had meant to say something really bloody clever, cool even. But those were the first words out of his mouth, dropping like pennies in a well, and fucked if he can take them back now.

Avery Fell looks over at him. He’s got a darting-rabbit sort of gaze, and his blue eyes quickly return to his champagne. Fine, whatever. Most people at the cocktail party have been avoiding Crowley like the Black Death, certain he’s contagious. He’s had a couple of drinks (booze was never his problem) and he’s sure he’s not imagining the disapproving glances that’s earning him as well. Oh no, don’t let Crowley near the punchbowl, he might - trash a set and shag your husband and strangle your kitten and - and -

Do all the wrong things. That’s what he does, right, that’s what all these bastards are waiting for? For him to fuck it all up again and prove once and for all that he doesn’t belong here.

(If he’s being honest with himself, if he’s cutting through to the deep-dark-ugly-truthful heart of things, he probably doesn’t belong here. It’s been ages since he’s been invited to one of these fancy premiere do’s, and he feels overdressed and underdressed and likely to scratch his suit jacket right off his clammy skin if he doesn’t get a cigarette soon. He doesn’t belong with the beautiful people any more. Lantern-jawed and surly and all black elbows and ribs - he probably never did.)

Oh, right. He came over here with a purpose: making nice with the cringing vanilla so-and-so to his left. That’s clearly going down like a lead bloody balloon.

“Your coat? Brown leather one -“

“Coat? I - no, I -“

“I’m sure you were wearing one. I was eyeing it up on the carpet like anything.” That much is true. The coat had a very nice cut to it, and despite a ridiculous bit of tartan peeking out of the sleeves, he kind of wanted to touch it.

It looked rather soft.

“Lost it on your way in, did you? One of the paps wrestle it off you to sell online?”

Fell gives him a tight little smile, a please go bother someone else smile, an expression like someone politely snacking on glass. And this, this man is going to be Crowley’s co-star. Crowley’s first real job in nearly fifteen years (the second chance he never thought he’d get, a longshot at redemption) and this is the man he’s going to have to share it with. Jesus Christ on Toast. Fell can barely look at him.

He’s probably just trying to protect his pretty little image, and Crowley gets it. He’s the ‘wrong sort’ of person to be seen with. Avery Fell stays well out of the press - never involved in any sort of scandal, never getting the bad kind of attention. He only pops up now and then when his latest film is winning an award or when he and his partner are donating huge sums to charity. He’s clearly too good for this world and all the nasty, regular people in it (people like Crowley). Clearly some sort of flawless bloody angel.

“Look, this will go a lot easier if you pretend you can stand me.” Crowley tosses back the rest of his lager, considers another one. Considers how it would look, whether Beez would hear about it tomorrow (he should have dragged her out to this, spread the misery around.) “I get it, I do. Can’t be seen fraternizing. People might get the wrong idea, right? And I’m sure you’re worried about the series, whether I’ll light the whole thing on fire and bring you down with me, fuck it all up, but -”

“Not at all.” Fell’s wide blue eyes are suddenly intent on Crowley’s face. “And I’d rather you didn’t put words in my mouth.”

Crowley is - staggered. Bowled over. Knocked on his arse (those eyes are really - hellishly blue. He’d thought it was something special effects did.)

Fell’s voice sounds different as well. Crowley realizes that he hasn’t actually spoken to the man in person before. There was that recent, awkward conference call when the two of them were offered their roles in Warlock (they muttered “congratulations” to each other like aliens learning what words meant) but that was the extent of it.

When he’s not on-screen, Fell’s voice is more musical. At least Crowley thinks he can hear music. There’s something vibrating around him, some uncanny harmony pressing up against his skin.

“I have every faith in your talent,” Fell continues. The corner of his mouth curls in a shy grin, and that’s hellish as well. “Was quite the fan of your - erm, previous work.”

“You - you were?”

Christ, Crowley hopes he isn’t glowing as brightly as he feels, they’ll see him from space. He’s such a fucking idiot - give him a scrap of kindness and he’ll follow you home with his tongue hanging out (and these days, no one ever says much about his previous work. Mostly they ask him if he’s okay. How is he doing? Is he doing okay? Has he tried yoga? How’s yoga going? Is it going okay?)

“Oh, absolutely. That Hanake film - I must have seen it three times in theatres at least. And the Irish co-production, where you played the musician - what was it called? Strings? The ending was simply -“ There is a sudden flood of delight in Fell’s eyes, crinkles forming at the corners. That is a look that Crowley recognizes from the man’s films (the happy films anyway. The nice ones.) Turns out Fell can do that look in real life as well.

Crowley’s glad his drink is empty because - fuck.

“Well. That’s really - nice.” Nice? Like this man just brought him a casserole - Crowley’s supposed to be cool, what’s wrong with him?

“It’s the truth.” Fell is still looking at him with those soft-lit eyes, so Crowley finally looks away, hoping it will help his sanity. He isn’t quite so happy anymore about his empty glass. “I saw you on stage once at Stratford, as well. Ages ago. You were so talented.”

Crowley doesn’t miss the were in that sentence. Of course it’s were, it’s always were - you were so talented. You were a star once (it was a long time ago.)

Ages. Lifetimes.

Before the fall.

(“You can’t talk to me like that on my set. Hey! You fucking primadonna, I don’t care who your parents are, I should never have -”

“Then you should watch your fucking mouth, maybe -”

“You’ve got some problem with the way I talk? I’ll say whatever I damn well please, if I want to call someone a fucking queer then - “

“Then you better call me that as well. All right? I’m a fucking queer, Hastur, so now what do you have to say-”

“That you’re a bloody mess, Crowley. Jesus Christ - are you high right now? Take your glasses off.”

“Fuck you!”

“Unbelieveable, he’s fucking high right now, get him the fuck off set. Security -”

“No, don’t you - touch me, get your fucking hands off -”)

Ha, good times. Great memories.

It isn’t every day you get your heart broken, shoot up in your trailer, come out to the world in the stupidest way possible, trash a set, get arrested, lose your job, get blacklisted in the industry you love - all in the space of a few hours.

Really, if it wasn’t so life-ruining, it might be kind of impressive (Crowley bites into the meat of his cheek, bites harder and harder, testing the limits of his skin.)

“Are so talented,” Fell amends softly. “Is what I meant,”

It takes Crowley a minute. He slowly unlocks his jaw. “What?”

“Just - misspoke there. Didn’t want you to think -”

“Hiya, love!” A woman’s voice interrupts them, and Crowley realizes that his pulse is beating dangerously fast, the nattering of a snare drum at the start of a march. He’s glad for the distraction.

“Thank heavens, you made it just in time.” Fell steps forward to give the red-headed newcomer a peck on the cheek.

“Crowley, I don’t believe you’ve officially met my partner, Tracy. Tracy, of course, this is -”

“Anthony Crowley!” Tracy shakes his hand enthusiastically. “I’m a fan, a massive fan. Almost didn’t recognize you without your glasses.”

Tracy’s an overly made-up woman about Fell’s age, with jingling bracelets on each of her wrists, a silk dress that looks more like a dressing gown, and an accent that’s a bit - common. Crowley’s seen her before, but only in the very rare photos of Fell at social events.

Tracy’s louder in person. Shabbier ‘round the edges.

Crowley likes her immediately.

“Such exciting news, the two of you working together. This one won’t shut his mouth about it!” Tracy gestures toward Fell, who presses his lips together. Goes a bit - pink maybe? Nah, probably just the light. “I’m going to pop to the bar, get myself a G&T before the film starts. I’ll see you gents in - Az, I thought you were wearing that leather jacket tonight. The nice one - did you change your mind?”

“Er, yes. Bit - warm for it.”

“Warm? Give over. Just getting out of the car, I was freezing my ti-“ She stops talking suddenly, purses her pink-smeared lips. “Um, you know, I’ll just get that drink.”

She heads off to the bar, and Crowley stares at Fell. Silently. After a moment more of that, he raises an eyebrow (it usually does the trick.)

“Igaveitaway.”

It takes Crowley’s temporal lobe a few extra seconds to make that into something sensical.

“You - what?”

“My coat. There was a - the girl outside the theatre. On the corner, with the cardboard sign? Don’t look at me like that - it’s cold out, it’s just going to get colder -“

“You gave your coat away.” How had Crowley not noticed this? “To a - a tramp?”

“Shhhh,” Fell waves his un-cocktailed hand urgently. “Please keep it down. I don’t want anyone to - hear.”

“You - don’t?” This may be the biggest shock of all.

“Then everyone might - talk about it and I - let’s just leave it. Tracy already thinks I’m too soft, and it - doesn’t matter. Please don’t say anything.”

Crowley feels like he can’t get enough air, like maybe he tied his scarf too tightly around his throat. He tugs at it, and Fell looks over in concern.

“My dear, are you all right?”

My dear.

When was the last time anyone called him something so gentle? When was the last time he had a pet name, when - No. Anthony Crowley, stop whatever the fuck you’re doing this absolute second. Stop what you’re thinking as well.

Definitely stop looking at him.

But Crowley does not stop looking. Not that Fell is an astonishing beauty - maybe in a cherubic, middle-aged sort of way, all tight blond curls and flushed cheeks, but he’s more like the idea of person than an actual one.

And he’s not Crowley’s type, not at all.

Fussy as anything. Straight(ish, let’s be honest, it’s the Arts.) Taken.

It’s - ridiculous.

There’s a five minute warning announced over the speakers, and Fell gives Crowley a smile that’s - warmer this time. Still weighed-down with pockets full of stones, but a bit more real. Crowley wonders (a whiskey-sharp thought that has no place in his brain) what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down, even for a moment. How much booze, how much time, how little sleep - what could get him to smile at Crowley in an open-book sort of way, spine cracked, pages ruffled.

That’s when Crowley’s jostled by the latest BBC ingenue, well on her way to pissed and wobbling in her stilettos.

“Haha, oh nooo...” the poor thing whimpers as sub-par red wine spills down the front of Crowley’s shirt. “Sssshhhh, okay? Just - I’m so ssssorry. It’s okay, right?” She wiggles her fingers, pulls up the tiny straps of her dress, and then promptly pisses off with what’s left of her Merlot.

“The fuck,” Crowley hisses to himself, as Fell takes a step toward him.

“Oh, what a disaster.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m all in black, can’t see it -”

“But you’ll be damp for the entire film, hardly pleasant - here, just let me -“ And suddenly Golden-Globe winner Avery Fell has a handkerchief in his hand, and is pressing it to Crowley’s chest, soaking up the worst of it.

Crowley - swallows. He doesn’t move.

“There you go,” the goddamn angel says softly, “It’s no trouble. We’ll have you fixed right up.”

“Right.” It’s a wonder Crowley can speak. What the fuck is happening? His skin is cold from the air and damp from red wine, but every now and then he can feel the heat of Fell’s palm through the fabric of his shirt.

(You poor, pathetic, touch-starved bastard. Pick up someone at a club and quickly; you’re clearly losing your mind. Again.)

“Better,” Fell says, pulling back. The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple, like a fistful of violets. Fell’s hand is as well. Crowley wonders (and then immediately wants to lobotomize himself) if the man’s thick fingers would taste like sub-par Merlot. “I suppose you’ll want to go into the theatre. I’ll wait for Tracy. And - um - we’ll see each other in three months, won’t we?”

“Um. Yep.”

“Expect we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Ha, yeah.”

“I’m so glad we had a chance to chat properly. I was always hoping you’d – well.” Fell stops and - looks away. Swallows. Crowley watches the bob of his throat. “I look forward to working with you.”

Crowley manages a weird, unbalanced smirk (he can feel it tilting on his face, knows what he looks like). He mumbles something unintelligible, and slinks away. He doesn’t know if he quite gets the ‘slink’ down but he’s feeling a bit off balance (never good for any sort of swagger.)

He finds his seat for the film, and curses himself for getting so caught up in their conversation that he forgot to piss off for a smoke. Now he has to sit through a whole film thinking about it. Damn Fell for - distracting him.

The man in question is currently coming down the row a few in front of Crowley’s, a bit closer to the screen. His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever. Even in the darkness, he seems to notice Crowley staring at him (staring for fuck’s sake) and gives him a precious little wave.

Crowley grimaces, doesn’t wave back (but his hand clenches on the armrest in one desperate spasm, wanting to, wanting to.)

This could be a problem, Crowley thinks, and then thinks better of it. Absolutely bloody not. He’s being an idiot (and if he calls Beez later while nursing a tumbler of whiskey and tearing out his hair, “Ringlets, Beez, bloody ringlets, just murder me –I’m not allowed to feel like this about someone with ringlets –” well, he’s an actor. He’s allowed a bit of drama now and then.)

It won’t be a problem, Crowley thinks to himself as the lights go down and the opening credits start (three rows ahead of him and seven seats down, Fell laughs.)

Fuck.

It could be.

#good omens #ficlet #the AU no one asked for #wait #the void did #I'm blameless

314 notes · View notes

cheermeupthankyou · 5 years

Text

Brie Larson vs. The World: A Letter for Humanity

So I’d like to share and say hmmm in terms of adoration mm yeah Chris Evans what a husband material hubba hubba Chris Hemsworth funny dude even Taika Waititi oh Jodie Comer- in lesbians for her Armie Hammer Jake Gyllenhaal oofers eye candy Margaret Qualley mah babies Mackenzie Davis Wynonna Ryder and Kristen Stewart of course all them Marvel girls from A for Angelina Jolie Blanchett Danai Debicki Saldana Evangeline Karen Scarlett etc etc etc to Z for Zendaya Star Wars gang Daisy Felicity Oscar Lupita um yes please all the heroines we love Gal Gadot Amber Heard les cheveux roux madmoiselles Chastain Amy Adams the veterans Patricia Clarke Bullock Paulson Weaver Gillian Anderson Moore Lawless Mirren what goddesses they are even the young’uns newcomers Diana Silvers Billie Lourd Hunter Schafer such gems Thrones crew Gwendoline Emilia Lena Kit Sophie Maisie err pretty much everyone of them yes even the Night King give me the shivurs Aubrey Plaza Anna Kendrick Sarah Carter yas yas yas even some voice actors Ashly Burch Elizabeth Maxwell Hannah Telle j’adore Fab Five queers heck even politicians like AOC or Kamala Harris or Brian Sims gets me giddy wonderful wonderful insanely talented amazing great people.

But

then

there’s

Brie Larson.

I was a music photographer and journalist for a while, I interviewed people and got the chance to meet some renowned humans (Feist, Au Revoir Simone, Kina Grannis, YYYs, Sean Lennon to name a few) it was my job to recognise their backgrounds and learn people’s personalities and identify situations.

While there are so much amazing people that I mentioned above who has done so many great things, I have never seen someone MOST relatable like Brie, so humble and hardworking in the harsh -no privacy- industry of entertainment, who just bases her life out of goodness and excitement of life and purity. She’s like most of us, she’s awkward and shy, loves pets, video games, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Sailor Moon, fan girls towards other celebs, music nerd and an actual nerd, and just loving life in general.

So it does break my heart that people are targeting her as the subject of everything that’s negative just because she wanted to set a stigma that women can be powerful and is their own person, and she’s had it rough before (as I read/listened/watched her interviews) Here’s a narrowed down of her life:

- Her parents were constantly fighting when she was young, leaving her into a broken home, around 7 years old she moved to LA living in a studio apartment with her mom and sister with the 3 of them with only 1 murphy bed. She’s estranged with her dad until now.

- She’s definitely an introvert, type of girl who sits on the far upper left or right corner in the theatre thinking that she doesn’t block anyone’s view (she actually said this on an interview), had social anxiety attacks since she was young but she knows she loves acting and wants to entertain people, starting with singing in her early years. She prefers doing stuffs alone and creating arts just to keep her mind at ease.

- Because of her passion in acting and her social condition, she was home schooled and focused in acting schools more, thankfully her mother supported her to go to acting schools and just going on auditions. Her singing career didn’t go as much as she hoped, to make ends meet she started DJ-ing just to earn money. Keep in mind Brie did not come from a prestige family with access to Hollywood unlike some of her Marvel co-stars. She started from zero.

- She actually auditioned for Twilight and was told, “Don’t ever bring Brie Larson back here again” for whatever reason. Was also told she wasn’t “sexy enough” for some stuffs she auditioned.

- Even though she loves acting, knowing she’s an introvert, it is the only reason why Brie has never considered blockbuster movies because she was afraid of getting recognised worldwide that it would leave her having no privacy at life at all. Due to this, she accepted mostly indie movies (Most recognisably Short Term 12 or The Glass Castle) but even by doing indie movies she didn’t earn enough money that sometimes she would cry in her kitchen telling her mom that she doesn’t have any money just to buy food.

- She did the movie Room which won her first Oscar for best actress, but in the process in doing so it broke her in half because of her childhood past and trauma. Whilst doing The Glass Castle she also said it was rather personal that she played a character with a broken relationship with a father (Played by Woody Harrelson) is because she never had father-daughter relationship. All the stuffs she did were mostly personal because she felt connected to them. Even Captain Marvel, because she felt that it was a moment in her life where she needs the change to be stronger for herself and Carol has changed her for that.

- Her road into becoming Captain Marvel was almost like a brick to brick road built up for her, as she has acted in movies with most of the Marvel casts. In 13 Going On 30 with Mark Ruffalo, with Chris Evans in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Scarlett Johansson in Don Jon, Tom Hiddleston and Samuel L. Jackson in Kong: Skull Island and Joe and Anthony Russo in Community. A few reasons she accepted the role of Captain Marvel; One being when she saw Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman, she admitted that even as the movie was just about a few minutes in, she couldn’t stop crying and she asks herself as to why that is, and she realised that this is the stuff I need, we don’t have this enough, where a powerful strong woman was depicted on screen; The other, for the most realistic reason that she did need the money while she was given the opportunity; The SIMPLEST reason is just to MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY that the character is going to be brought to life; The MOST important of them all is that she wants to break the barrier of herself. She wants to be more out there, spreading positivity and setting an example to people to be stronger for themselves, that people can change for the better, in which in this case: Brie was a completely non athletic person with asthma, she trained for 9 months, almost 3-5 hours a day for 5 days a week at the gym with constant crying because of her hard work and changes to herself, vomited mostly at the gym and also puked during her pilot training. She had bruises all over the place because she did most of her stunts and training (Per her saying, it was ignorance at first because she thought everyone on Marvel was doing their own stunts when they’re not, but she did most of them herself that she was allowed to).

- Now that she has recognition, she’s actually doing more activism and be a spokeswoman into helping people. She even promotes people’s brand and stuffs via her Instagram just to help out simple things.

Please remember, she’s human. She has flaws, but I have never seen her doing/saying anything fatal that depicts resent. Never. And no, Brie is not the first female ever trying to set examples for people, but she is the current one getting the most hate for it just because of Captain Marvel— a film about a female superhero, setting an example for people to be stronger, she did it just to make people happy and half the world is angry at her. WTF. Believe it or not, this is girl actually CARES about people, she would care about you if you actually DO CARE about all the good things that does matter. Being of who she is, Brie is capable of empathising with people, which is something most people don’t have.

Brie wanted to be a better person, SHE DID. When in fact Brie has successfully done that, now people are hating her even more because she’s just a “bigger easier target” because of her role and apparently it is easier to hate someone else than just to be nice or appreciative or grateful in general.

If you’re reading and you’re hating, can I just ask, what has Brie Larson done to your life? And maybe ask yourself what have you done that matters in your life? We can just be nicer to other people, it’s really not that hard to try, you know. Life is just about being kind to each other, there is no point in throwing hate because it’s not your cup of tea, having an opinion to your taste is fine, but giving hate comments about is just being an asshole. Imagine being in her shoes and dealing with all those that wasn’t necessary in the first place. It does take mentality of the size of the Jupiter with that amount of hate, and Brie Larson is still dealing them. Just think if that was you, could you be able to handle it as far as what she’s gone though? Really think about it. Not one human in the world wants to be hated for even the smallest reason, not even you.

As to those who feel like they wanted a change in their lives, if Brie can do it, SO CAN YOU. Stay calm, just be nice and kind to others— even to those who treated you unjustly. Let the action speaks louder than any words will ever do. And be happy of life.

My adoration for her is at the apex at the moment. She is IT.

So I’m just here spreading the love for Brie.

#brie larson

228 notes · View notes

cromulentbookreview · 4 years

Text

Cinderella! Dead?

And by that, I mean:

Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron!

I do love the Brothers Grimm fairy tales, because, well, all German students cut their teeth translating bits and pieces of the the Kinder- und Hausmärchen. You have never known true suffering until you’ve had to come up with an original translation for bits of Schneewittchen or Rotkäppchen. Oh the horror. I mean, it’s not as bad as doing original translations of Goethe, and definitely not as fun as translating Struwwelpeter - and that was only fun because I was the only person in my class who got that the stories were meant to be a satire on contemporary children’s morality tales. I mean, Mark Twain did his own English translation! The original byline was Lustige Geschichten und drollige Bilder mit 15 schön kolorierten Tafeln für Kinder von 3–6 Jahren (funny stories and amusing pictures with 15 color panels for children ages 3-6). Once you see the Struwwelpeter stories as parodies of sickly sweet moral lessons for kids, it’s pretty clear that the actual lesson of the Struwwelpeter story (don’t suck your thumbs or else a crazy dude with scissors will literally cut them off your hands) is more dark humor than actual story to teach your kids a lesson and -

Wait, where am I?

Oh. Yes. A blog where I review books. I should probably get on that.

So yes, Cinderella! A story known the world over, with thousands upon thousands of different versions across the globe. The oldest known being the tale of Rhodopis from ancient Greece, and the story of Ye Xian from China that dates back to the AD 860-850 or thereabouts, which itself is similar to stories found around Southeast Asia, like the story of Bawang merah dan bawang putih or the Vietnamese story of Tấm Cám and shit I wandered off again. Sorry. Fairy tale history is quite fascinating. Anyway, the first European version of the Cinderella story was published in Italy in 1634, but the story that we know best mostly comes from the 1697 French version by Charles Perrault in his Histoires ou contes du temps passé, avec des moralités (don’t look at me, I learned German, remember?). Perrault’s Cinderella story, Cendrillon ou la petite pantoufle de verre (Cinderella and the little glass slipper, thanks wikipedia!) features all of what we know of as the traditional Cinderella story: the evil stepmom and stepsisters, the ball, the glass slippers which sound both a) painful and b) super dangerous - seriously, how could you even dance in a glass slipper without breaking them and having shards of glass stuck in your feet à la Die Hard?

Anyway. Cinderella. Very traditional story, mostly French. The Brother’s Grimm version of Cinderella is...weird. Mostly because her name is Aschenputtel, which sounds like something you hack up with a phlegmy cough. (To be fair, though, that’s most German...). There’s also a magic bird instead of a fairy godmother, Aschenputtel’s father is very much alive and doesn’t seem to give two shits about how his new wife and stepdaughters treat his own kid and the slippers are made of gold instead of glass. Gold sounds a sight more comfy than glass, but also super heavy. How can you dance in shoes that weigh roughly 27 pounds / 12.4 kilograms each? That’s assuming that each gold shoe is roughly the same size and density as a standard gold bar and -

OK. Listen to Rihanna, Cromulent Book Reviewer. Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron!!

In the land of Marsailles, Cinderella is dead, and has been for the past 200 years. Her story hasn’t just become canon - it’s become law. Every year all girls at the age of sixteen must attend the mandatory royal ball, where the men are allowed to oogle them and pick out which one they want as a wife. The girls don’t get a choice in who picks them - once you’re selected by a man, you’re his, and if no one picks you, well...you’re only allowed to attend the royal ball three times before your family has to surrender you as a “forfeit.” Forfeits are never seen or heard from again. Attending the ball more than once is considered an embarrassment. And if you don’t want to get picked? Too bad. The girls of Marsailles have no choice - non-attendance will get you thrown in prison, and likely executed, while their families have all their possessions stripped from them. So...have fun at the meat parade, girls! Fingers crossed you don’t get picked by an abusive prick!

Sophia Grimmins (I see what you did there, Kalynn Bayron) doesn’t want to go to the Ball. All Sophia wants is to marry her best friend, Erin, and be free to have a future with her. But in Marsailles, being gay is not OK. It’s straight relationships only, Cinderella married a prince, and therefore, women can only marry men. Men marrying men and women marrying women? Forbidden. No not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Instead, go straight to forfeit town. Sophia pleads with Erin to try and escape their hometown of Lille and head off into Belgium the Forbidden Lands. But Erin doesn’t want to escape - she just wants to keep her head down, go through the whole disgusting selection process, and stay safe. Well, as safe as you can with a husband who is brought up to be an abusive, misogynist prick like many men in Marsailles. Seriously, with the exception of like, 3 characters, pretty much all the dudes in Marsailles are the worst. Not just the worst, but like,

Euch. And they’re the worst in a way that all women and girls will immediately recognize. Is it terrible that I’m kind of glad for the current pandemic because mask wearing has cut down the instances of strange men telling me to smile significantly?

Anyway, the day of the Ball has arrived, and with Erin refusing to escape, Sophia has no other choice - she has to go. Her parents have gone into debt to provide her with the best hair, makeup and dress in order to increase her chances at being chosen. Sophia’s parents know about her feelings for Erin, know that she’s always preferred to have a princess rather than a prince, but even though Sophia pleads with them to do something, anything to get her out of going to the Ball, they refuse. Her parents go full Mandalorian on her, telling her that this is The Way and she’d better just hope for the best.

Mando would NOT approve.

So Sophia ends up going to the Ball and it’s much worse than she could have expected. The dudes are gross, the king is gross, the whole damned system is gross.

Unable to stand it, Sophia makes a split-second decision: she’s going to run. She takes off in the middle of the ball, jumps out a window and escapes onto the palace grounds. Running blindly, she finds herself in an overgrown mausoleum which turns out to be the final resting place of Cinderella herself. There, Sophia meets Constance, a descendant of Cinderella’s supposedly evil stepsister, Gabrielle. Constance has been on the run, resisting the king’s awful laws for years. She tells Sophia that everything she’s been taught about Cinderella’s story is a lie. Constance offers Sophia a choice - escape with her and rebel, or return to Lille and face the consequences of fleeing the ball.

At first, Sophia chooses home. But when her parents make it clear they won’t do much to protect their now outlaw daughter, Sophia meets up with Constance and together they head off into the White Wood in search of Cinderella’s fabled fairy godmother, who may or may not be a witch and who also may or may not be still alive.

Oh man, I do love me a good story in which badass young women fight against the patriarchy. Cinderella is Dead is such a fun story - well, fun in that the misogyny and injustice rampant in Marsailles is both familiar and super scary, but fun in that Sophia looks that system square in the eye and goes “nope.” Cinderella is Dead is all about the power of story - how something as simple as a fairy tale can be used as a weapon to subjugate not just women and girls, but men and boys as well. The fairy tale made law doesn’t just keep women stuck in the role as princess, but men stuck in the role as prince, even if they, too, would rather run off with a prince than marry the princess.

Cinderella is Dead starts strong, though it does start to meander in the middle, before speeding up toward the end. Since this is a standalone book (hurray!! No getting suckered into a series this time! More standalones, please!) character development and world building is somewhat lacking, as there’s only so much you can fit into one book and seriously thank God this isn’t the start of another trilogy I have to keep track of, I’ve got way too many trilogies, duologies, quartets and never-ending serieses I have to keep track of right now. Anyway: yes, worldbuilding and character development are a bit shallow, but such is the way with fairy tales, only this fairy tales features a queer young woman of color burning the patriarchy to the ground. And that’s absolutely something I need more of in my life. Now let us go forth and burn the patriarchy, everyone!

RECOMMENDED FOR: All young girls. All of them. Boys, too. Anyone who has ever read a fairy tale, or been forced to translate Grimm fairy tales for German class, or Charles Perrault stories for French class.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who has ever used the word “feminazi.”

RATING: 3.999 / 5

BADASSERY RATING: 500,000,000/5

RELEASE DATE: July 7, 2020. So...today! Hurray, I technically got this review done on time! Ahahahahaha the world is on fire what do you want from me.

CINDERELLA RATING:

#cinderella is dead #kalynn bayron #young adult fantasy #ya fantasy #feminist ya #lgbtq ya #own voices #cinderella #book review #smash the patriarchy

3 notes · View notes

daely-trans-life · 4 years

Text

Thoughts on gender and other matters (letter to a friend)

Dearest [Friend],

I finally got around to writing this email, god knows it's long overdue.

You've asked me to explain what lead me to the realisation that I might be transgender and well, that's a larger subject than what I can summarise in a text message (in fact this email might turn into a novel, in which case I'm very sorry), so here we go.

I can see how from an outside point of view it might come as a surprise, albeit for me this realisation is something that's been long in the making... Probably ever since I became aware of the concept of gender itself.

To begin with, I need to explain a little bit about the culture I was raised in, because it ties into the delay significantly. It has to do with the societal expectations as much as the language... Hungarian has no gender markers for words and doesn't use gendered pronouns at all, which also means that in a way, the concept itself is way less defined and pronounced in the cultural context. That, coupled with the strict and rigid code of conduct regarding politeness and formality means that it's generally not discussed in society on any level, neither in family, between friends nor in public education.

It's a binary concept that's dependent on one's genetic makeup and primary sexual characteristics that is assigned at birth and never discussed further. It doesn't involve choice or exploration, and it's not viewed as a spectrum the same way as it is customary in Western countries. But at the same time, traditional gender roles are built into society on every level, and while it's never mentioned, it's enforced and engraved in people way stronger than it is in for example Denmark.

So while as a teen/young adult, I could feel I didn't fit into the box of "girl" or "woman" the way others around me did, I had no vocabulary to describe my experience, and I definitely didn't have a platform for exploring it. On the few occasions when I mentioned it to some friends that I kind of view myself as both a man and a woman or maybe neither, the general answer was something to the effect of "well no shit?! are we meant to be surprised by this?", which was both baffling and very validating at the same time.

And then I moved out of the country and a whole new world of concepts and options and spectra opened up to me, where I also had the opportunity to learn more about my identity when it came to gender and sexuality. I quickly discovered that me not being straight was definitely a thing, and I learnt about labels that finally fit my experience and I found a community that welcomed me and that had people similar to myself in it. And that was all great, but it also taught me that gender was a Thing, and not only that, but it also had way more to it than just binary man and woman.

And I went down that rabbit hole hard. I started identifying as non-binary, tried on a lot of labels and pronouns, some really out there ones too, mostly privately, while trying to find the one that felt right. And of course in the meantime I've met and learnt about trans people, and it kind of hit me how that specific experience resonated with me. But of course, I couldn't just BE a guy... Could I?

Well, no, of course not! Because I had parents that raised me as their daughter, I had a husband who married me to be his wife, and I had always been presented and perceived as a woman... It's not like I could just uproot my entire identity and claim a new one just because it would make me happy... I had others to think of and consequences to dread, and in general, I was too fucked up anyway to really be concerned with something like what noise people make to address me or what concept do they identify me with. So I buried the question deep, never touching it, because as long as I wasn't looking, it didn't hurt and I didn't get confused. And this worked for a while, until it obviously didn't.

And then years had passed and a few things happened. For one, I met my other partner, who also identifies as non-binary and who is way more into the queer aspects of life than my husband. And with Them, I got to talk about the things that have always bothered me and that I previously was unable to talk about. They taught me the language to express myself, not only with words but also with presentation. And while confined in the safety of our shared home, I've stepped onto the Rocky Road of Recovery, that involved a lot of mental healthcare, therapy, exploration and coming to terms with my identity in more than one way.

In a way, unraveling the tangle of issues I've been carrying around helped a lot too. I've been living with the vague sense of "there is something wrong with me" for so long that it just became the everyday reality of my life, and I kind of accepted that all the things I now know are symptoms of certain conditions, were just how life was supposed to be, that the world was supposed to be this hostile, low-key but always uncomfortable place with occasional bursts of horrible pain. And through all that, I still held myself to the expectations I was presented with by my upbringing, because throughout my life, whenever I tried to ask for help in any way, I was generally met with blame and dismissal, and I was taught that the only option was to bite my tongue and power through. So I bit down and did what I could and every time I broke down, I just dug my heels in and kept going until one day I couldn't go on anymore.

And in a way, this was a blessing. Because finally, at the point where I completely gave up, I was presented with an abundance of care and actual help I've never received before. I went to psychiatry, I got my diagnoses, I got a social worker to help me, I got a therapist, and a damn good one for that, and I got the time to heal and figure myself out without having to worry about things like where I was going to live or what I was going to eat. And lo and behold, things started getting better. Of course, a year of therapy cannot undo 20 years of trauma and abuse, I didn't expect it to either, but it gave me tools to work with, ways to address and manage my symptoms and space to explore ways in which I could be happier, healthier and more stable than I've ever been before.

I'm on a good path, and in a good place now. I'm engaged to my partner, still happily married to my husband and we live in a loving, if a bit crooked family in a beautiful place at the countryside. For the first time I'm hopeful about the future and I feel like I have realistic expectations about my life and what I would be able to make of it. Of course there is still a lot of work to be done and a lot of ways I wish to improve, but these dreams had finally stopped being just that, and slowly morphed into goals, things I could actually achieve and I can see ways in which to do so.

And so, now that happiness suddenly became a viable option, I started wondering about the questions of identity again, and well... I guess I just felt like my time has finally come. I'm almost thirty. Yeah, that's a bit late compared to many who had this figured out by their late teens, but hey, I'm young, I have most of my adult life ahead of me! And I finally have the space and the support network that gives me enough confidence to pursue my true identity and everything that comes with that.

I'm taking it slowly though. It's scary as hell, and it's a huge step, and I still have a million questions and a million obstacles to overcome. But if my journey so far had taught me anything, that is that no decision is irreversible, there is no such thing as too late to change things, and that fear is never a good enough reason not to do what's right for you. I'm at square one right now, and I don't know if this is the path I'll stay on forever, but I feel like I owe myself to at least try. If I never committed to anything just because it might not last forever, I wouldn't be having the amazing life I have today, if I was even still alive.

So that's where I stand. Sorry about the insanely long ramblings, now you know everything you never wished to know about my inner workings, but I don't quite know how to explain this in any other way than the extremely winded one.

I miss you. I wish we could hang out and I could be, you know, not an absolute wreck for once :D I swear I'm a way funner person these days than I was when we used to hang out.

Lots of love,

Dae

P.s.: I guess this DID turn into a novel, sorry about that again! :$ xoxo

#open letter #explaining gender is long and complicated #one step at a time #positivity

1 note · View note

decadentpandatale · 4 years

Text

Unessay Project (Janis Troeung)

A Blog About My Learning Journey While Crafting My Working Theory of Family

Preface:

The purpose of this blog is to explain my thought processes as I developed my working theory of family. Although I describe this blog as “my learning journey while crafting my working theory of family”, it is by no means an exhaustive account of everything that I have learned throughout this course.

Organization of Blog:

I will first begin by explaining my initial thoughts on family (prior to taking the course), my current working theory (as of week 5), my thought processes of how I went from my initial understanding of family to my current understanding of family, my lived experience of family in relation to my working theory, and conclude with my final notes on the hesitations and confusions that remain with me.

My Initial Thoughts on Family:

Prior to taking this course, this is what I had understood as a ‘standard’ family:

“Family is a concept that many Westerners have grown up to understand as a nuclear family that consists of cisgendered heterosexual parents with one or more biological children. Typically, the dad is considered the ‘breadwinner’ (a person who provides the main source of income for their family) while the mom is a housewife. Although the mom may have a job, the mom is still considered responsible for taking care of household responsibilities such as washing dishes, doing laundry, and taking care of the children (because their income is typically lower than their husband’s). In some cases, people can call other people who are not biologically related to them as ‘family’. This act of calling non-biological kin “family” is usually done when the individual feels a sense of closeness, care, and/or trust with the person(s) they are calling family.”

My Current Working Theory of Family (Week 5):

Family is a non-static concept, and peoples’ perception of family will change throughout time as they are continually learning about what are now currently understood as “alternative” or “non-normative” families. For the purposes of clarification, I am describing “alternative” or “non-normative” families as families that do not adhere to the stereotypical understanding of family which many westerners have come to understand as a family that consists of cisgendered, heteronormative parents with one or more biological children. I believe that as time progresses, this concept of a nuclear family will no longer be understood as the absolute norm and that “alternative/other” families (i.e. families that have LGBTQ parents and/or adoptive or surrogate children) will become more normalized and understood than they currently are.

How Did I Get To My Current Working Theory of Family?:

During the first week of the course, James Baldwin’s “Letter to My Nephew” (1962) reinforced what I had initially understood about family. In his letter, he forewarned his nephew about the harshness of the world and the systemic racism that his nephew will face as a Black American (p. 2). Although it is not explicitly mentioned within the article, the reader of the letter can sense the care and compassion Baldwin holds for his nephew. In fact, by simply understanding the context that this is a letter written by an uncle addressing his nephew, the reader can feel a heightened sense of positive connotations that are associated with family in the weight of Baldwin’s words. After reading this article, the reader can see that Baldwin is a source of wisdom, knowledge, comfort, protection, and love for his nephew. Despite that this letter was written over fifty years ago, Baldwin’s words are still held true in today’s context as Black Americans are still marginalized and are facing apparent systemic racism today. This article shows how many institutions within America are marginalizing and discriminating against people of color, especially Black Americans, (and later I learned how this affects Black American families in terms of policy and culture in week two). From this article, I learned that care and compassion are two traits that I heavily associate with the concept of “family”.

In addition to the Baldwin reading in week one, we read Patricia Hill Collins’s article titled “Intersections of Race, Class, Gender, and Nation: Some Implications for Black Family Studies” (1998). From this article, I began to gain a better understanding of how to analyze and understand family from a sociological perspective. This reading helped me realize that there are many depths and layers to understanding families and how they function within societies. In Collins’s (1998) article, I began to better understand intersectionalities and that factors such as race, gender, and social class should all be taken into consideration when analyzing families, family policies, and familial organization (p. 33). There is not one particular form of family that is considered “normal” and each family is unique in their own sense. Collins (1998) believes that scholars should dismantle the hegemonic idea that the nuclear family is considered the “norm“ and that anything besides that is abnormal (p. 30). In fact, this is the rhetoric that I found many of the assigned readings were trying to convey, and I believe that if scholars continue to support the dismantling of this hegemonic ideal, that other forms of family can become more recognized, understood, and normalized. To think that there is one dominant or ‘correct’ form of family is narrow-minded and minimizes the lived experiences of other types of family.

During week two, we read Brittany Pearl Battle’s article titled, “Deservingness, Deadbeat Dads, and Responsible Fatherhood: Child Support Policy and Rhetorical Conceptualizations of Poverty, Welfare, and the Family” (2018). From this article, I began to understand how culture and policy are interrelated and how they are constantly influencing one other (p. 444). This helped me better understand Baldwin’s letter to his nephew and why Black Americans are still facing oppression today. Many government officials and politicians have been white, middle to upper class men, who have reinforced the notion that families should consist of a dad who is the primary source of income for his family, a mom who takes care of the children, and the children who will grow old and take care of their parents one day. Throughout different presidencies, Battle has analyzed these different presidents’ rhetoric and how that has shaped gender roles within the family which has consequently affected family culture. Many institutions within the U.S. have perpetuated hegemonic ideals which has led to the oppression of Black Americans who are constantly racially profiled, and has thus led to the marginalization of Black Americans. In my opinion, a lot of the rhetoric surrounding around the idea that ‘dads should be the primary source of income for the family’ while the mom should be the caretaker is outdated and seeks to place blame on fathers instead of holding the government reliable for seeking better ways to support fathers and their families. Due to the constant racial profiling that Black Americans face, many Black men are incarcerated and put into jail which thus perpetuates the idea that Black men are put into jail because they “commit more crimes”, which echoes the false sentiment that Black fathers are bad because they cannot provide for their children due to their incarceration. Of course, this is an oversimplification of how intersectionalities work and how culture and policy influence each other which has led to the marginalization of Black Americans, but I hope that I have illustrated a comprehensible image of how policy has affected and continues to marginalize and oppress those who are considered different from those in power (i.e. officials in government who are typically white, middle to upper class men), whether it be through race, gender, or social class. From this reading, I also realized that hegemonic structures have stayed in place, because people with power and influence perpetuate this hegemony as the norm or something that is desired. However, if more people in power spoke up against it or supported those who do not conform to the hegemonic standards, other forms of structures can become more normalized, regulated, and/or accepted.

Lastly, during week four, we read Katie L. Acosta’s “We Are Family” (2014) which provides a contrast from Baldwin’s letter to his nephew. Although families are thought of as a resource for care and love, sometimes family may reject one another based on individual family members’ contrasting ideologies. From Acosta’s interviews, we learn how Latinx women who are considered ‘sexually non-conforming’ are shunned for not following hegemonic ideals of partnership. Despite the disapproval that they receive from their parents, many of these women are still hoping that their parents will one day show more approval/acceptance for their romantic partners and their relationships (p. 45). This illustrates how dominant ideas can influence how family members perceive and treat other members of their family and how dominant ideologies can be internalized as ‘the ultimate good’ or ‘correct way of living’. Although capitalism has created an opportunity for those who identify as LGBTQ, gay, queer, trans, and non-binary to come out and identify with their preferred pronouns (as explained by John D’Emilio in his article “Capitalism and Gay Identity” (1983)), many people today are still prejudiced against non-hegemonic forms of family. Based on my theory, I do believe (and wishfully hope) that as time passes, these hegemonic standards will slowly become whittled down and that people will understand that they do not necessarily need to conform to hegemonic standards of family to have a happy, fulfilling life. Nuclear families may have been necessary for survival in the past, but that is no longer the case, and people around the world are creating different types of families that could not have been imagined of in the past.

My Lived Experience of Family:

I come from an Asian household where my dad is Cambodian and my mom is Chinese. My parents had three children - two sons and one daughter (me). I would consider my family situation to be understood as “normal” by the standards of public perception, but a part of me has always wondered if my parents would have gone through a different path of creating a family if they had lived under different circumstances (i.e. conditions where hegemonic understandings of families were not reinforced as standard or a necessity for a purposeful life). My parents are first generation immigrants, and they came to America so that they could start a family in better conditions than their home countries. Since my parents were first generation immigrants, it meant that they had spent a lot of time away from home and were working so that they could provide adequate financial support for their children. Therefore, there were many times where I felt like I did not feel the same warmth and comfort of family that I felt many peers around me felt, because my peers’ parents appeared to be more involved in their lives. There were many times when I would go to the homes of my friends and their parents would welcome me and feed me. In some cases, they treated me as if I were their own daughter and called me “family”. This was when I realized that family does not necessarily have to consist of people who you share the same blood with, and that actions and words of people can make you feel like “family” more than your own biological kin.

From my personal experiences I believe that, as time progresses, people will not immediately think of biological kin as the primary source of familial care and love. There are instances when people who are not related to you can feel more like “family” to you than your own biological family based on how they treat and care for you. In that sense, I do believe that there will be a shift in perception on what it means to be “family” with one another, and that other families that are currently understood as “non-traditional” will become more apparent, recognized, and accepted. In fact, there is research that shows that companies are trying to create a culture of “work families” to provide a sense of comfort and joy for their employees. Work families, which are another byproduct of capitalism, could provide familial comfort for employees who may or may not have familial support from their biological kin.

Remaining Confusions and Hesitations:

Although I feel that I have learned a lot through the lectures and readings I have by no means fully understood all the concepts that were presented. Many of the articles that we have read in this course have addressed how there is a greater need for diversification in family studies that do not focus on white, middle-class, hegemonic ideals of family. However, there are so many depths and layers to understanding how institutions within societies are influencing families and family structure. I do not think that it is possible to conduct proper, well-done studies on every single possible family structure in this world; therefore, I am confused about how scholars can continue to shed light on the multitude of different family types without overgeneralizing the experiences of current marginalized families. I am also hesitant about how we can truly learn from these studies when each individual’s understanding of their family and the world is a unique experience in of itself and outsiders can never truly understand their experiences and perspective.

Works Cited:

Acosta, K. L. (2014). We are family. Contexts, 13(1), 44-49.

Baldwin, J. (1962). A letter to my nephew. The Progressive, 1.

Battle, B. P. (2018). Deservingness, Deadbeat Dads, and Responsible Fatherhood: Child Support Policy and Rhetorical Conceptualizations of Poverty, Welfare, and the Family. Symbolic Interaction, 41(4), 443-464.

Collins, P. H. (1998). Intersections of race, class, gender, and nation: Some implications for Black family studies. Journal of comparative family studies, 29(1), 27-36.

D’Emilio, J. (1983). Capitalism and gay identity. Families in the US: Kinship and domestic politics, 131-41.

1 note · View note

pathofcomet · 4 years

Text

bride of ice (1)

{dragon age: inquisition | g. | female trevelyan/iron bull | 2.9k}

| https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533642/chapters/56444983|

There is some kind of comfort in their name, and the knowledge that they will always be part of House Trevelyan, that there’s always the safety net of their title and of their family, and all that it taught them. When uncertain, just follow Andraste’s words and your better’s orders, and pray it goes well. Sometimes, life is as easy as that.

Even if it isn’t fair. Even if it doesn’t leave space for questions.

She was born on a holy day, her mother’s birth-giving pain’s screams mingled with the joyous ringing of the bells from the Chantry. That’s how her mother knew, as her desperate wish has been, that this one last, late child will be a girl. Or at least that is the story that her mother says when she feels particularly fond over the fact that there’s only one of her children left in her house, or to nobles visiting hoping for the young lady’s hand in marriage, or when she wants something from her sole daughter and has to preface her request with emotional manipulation.

The young Trevelyan looks out the window of her carriage, frowning, knowing exactly what her mother wants from her this time before she even has to voice it.

“You cannot, mother.”

“Of course I can,” her mother smiles back at her. “I am your mother and I am your lady and I am sending you on a trip with your brother, not to marriage against your will.”

It is a bait, and a reminder of all that her mother has already done for her: postponing her marriage for this long already, despite the disagreement from other nobles and her own husband, asking in return just from some obedience when she outright needed it. Like right now.

It was the Conclave after all, and an important meeting for her family. Not only was her own brother in the Templar order, alongside cousins and uncles, but most of their relatives were also spread in the ranks of the Chantry. At this point, it was equal parts family reunion and political orchestration for her. It is also an out, one last taste of the world before she knows, with certainty, that she will be made to choose her position in her family’s expectations: become a wife or a Chantry sister. Her time is running out, and this is why she doesn’t want to spend the last of it calming down centuries of hatred over diner.

She turns, to glare at her mother. At least, she doesn’t want to do it without her. There isn’t any political party that she hasn’t navigated thanks to the patient guidance of her mother. But whereas once her mother had dark, black hair – it is now faded to a grey, and when before, during her childhood, her mother used to do this trip to the Chantry by horse, her daughter laughing between her arms, she is now preferring the rest of a carriage. Her daughter grew, but she just got old. It is a startling realization for the young woman to have, in the golden light of the morning, that her mother is now frail and aging. Even if she wanted to do it, her mother couldn’t physically withstand the long journey, or the cold weather upon the arrival.

It was an escape as well: given the opportunity to prove herself, and carve a path straight between the crossroad the destiny was putting her at. She wanted to laugh then, to agree just to please her ingenious mother. She was her only daughter after all, and she was born alongside the joyous ringing of the Chantry bells, and her mother had taken one look at her baby girl and was determined to give her the world, or as much of the world as she could give to another woman.

But before she can answer, the carriage halts to a stop. Her mother wipes her fingers alongside her daughter’s lips, erasing a mark of stray rouge, and pulls at the thin, lace veil she is wearing to cover her head, making it more presentable. It is a light colour, matching her dress, and it is a pious imitation of the statues of their most holies. Her father has insisted on this outfit for her, just an image of their reputation and a reminder of their role and quality in the world.

She links her arm with her mother’s, eyes trained to the sky. Even after years and years of doing every week, she cannot get used to the murmured thanks of the poor, who have just been sent coins by her father’s men, or the enthusiastic greetings of possible suitors, or the envious glances of fellow nobles. As time went by, it felt less like her finding a connection with the Maker of the world, and more like a theatre play that she cannot take part in, because she’s unsure of her role or of the script she has to parrot.

So she walks, tight lipped, taking her seat inside the Chantry, offering a chair to her mother, and her dropping on her knees to the cold floor, palms held together in front of her, eyes casted down in a perfect picture of modesty and belief. She feels pity towards her dress, washed just the night before, and she can feel the hilt of her daggers digging painfully in her thigs, at least needed support in keeping her awake during the preaching. She’s not sure if the Maker is supposed to hear you better just because you are in pain during your pleas, or because he’s seen your face in his house more often than others’, or because your house has the largest donation ever given in the history of the city.

It is one’s own badge of pride that they decide to rely on. She’s not sure she wants hers to be as fickle and unsure as religion’s teaching. Even now, the sermon that they are given is against what they’ve been told just three weeks before, and yet no one seems to notice, or to consider it the least queer.

The bells start ringing, above their head – and slowly, people begin to rise and trickle out into the street. Her mother slowly pats her head and her back, reward for another of these days spent together. Her father is supposed to be busy ruling, and her brothers each with their own titles – so it is the women of the Trevelyan that have to show their faces to the world, stand proof of their ties and their history. People will believe a great many things if they are shown they can rely on said beliefs. And their house has been just a great constant, and such a stable pillar for their people, such an easy path for their own.

The young lady sighs, wondering when exactly this stopped pleasing her, given that she’s gotten nothing less than what she could have possibly wanted, sometimes even before she knew she wanted it. As they ride back towards their estate, she thinks it must have been around the time her brothers placed a dagger in her hand for the first time, and she realized she doesn’t want to let it go.

It is with that same pure glee that she greets her second brother on the entrance steps, hands cupping his cheeks to get a good look at him, then having him pull out his tongue at her and throw an arm around her waist, raising her up effortlessly and spinning her around. She screams into the air, servants turning around to laugh alongside them. Behind them, she can hear her mother clearing her throat, and he puts her down slowly, to go and place his hands in his mother’s, kiss her forehead.

He still stinks from the road, probably back just a little while before them – and his sister turns around, stops one of the chamber ladies, demands a table to be set as soon as possible for them all, and a warm bath to be drawn for him. Out of all of her siblings, his is the only room still kept intact: although he has his own place within the Templars, being situated just outside the city, he has always been just half a day ride away – and it has always been her family’s delight to summon him among them for any and all possible excuses. Out of all her siblings, this is the one she loves the best, he is the one that taught her the most, that cared the most about the small girl who came into his life well into his teenage years.

She cannot remember him without the Templar uniform. Even with all the silks awaiting him at home, out of pride, he wears the cotton shirts of his peers. She finds him magnificent and an idiot for this choice. He also forces her in leather pants and shirts, demands spars and duels from her, and laughs when it is way too easy to best her. He is the only one who seems to care if she can fight on her own, though it is an activity that no one interrupts them from, which means it must be approved by the Bann. Her only weapons are gifts she’s gotten from him, alongside the stories about all the female Templars among his ranks. There’s a fierce protectiveness from him that translates into actual actions, rather than advice that paints her in nothing more than beautiful furniture.

If she wasn’t the only daughter, if she wasn’t so precious in securing a political tie because of her good blood, she wonders is her parents would have agreed to her following the steps of her brother. Though, when he joins them at the table after his bath, he is carrying an empty vial, and she knows things aren’t as easy as he would like to make them seem behind all his blinding smiles. After all, that’s the entire purpose of the Conclave that the two of them are supposed to attend together.

His fingers move to pull at her veil, teasing her even more by unknotting her hair-do when she tries to protest against it.

“Ass,” she mutters under her breathe, though her mother’s leg kicks her under the table and she bites her tongue as a result. He laughs again, leaning to plant a loud kiss on her cheek, and she stuffs a pie in his mouth just to make him stop.

“So, sister. I heard you almost let me be the only suffering Trevelyan out there.”

“Oh, and I would have done it gladly if someone –” here she stops to bite into an apple, staring pointedly at their mother “didn’t insist upon my presence. I am not even qualified to breathe in those meeting rooms.”

“Nonsense! You’d make a fine serving girl!”

“Ass!” This time she says it out loud, and her mother slaps, loudly, against her wrist. It leaves a stinging, red mark behind and she glowers at her brother, blaming.

“You know it doesn’t suit you to whine like a petulant child,” her mother says, calmly. “If you are aware of your own faults, then work on them. If you’re not willing to do so, then do not complain when others point them out to you.”

“Yes, mother,” she murmurs.

“And both of you will be on your best behaviour out there, I hope. I did not raise fools who bark at each other out of boredom.”

“It’s out of love we do it, mother,” he says from her side, and he pats her leg, where she keeps her daggers, asking for peace. She smiles in her bowl of soup, hides it behind the rim.

His spine straightens. “We are Trevelyans, mother.”

With that, he says a whole history in a sentence. It means they will do what must be done of them, and they will honour the name that they are wearing. It means she is a good daughter and he’s a loyal Templar – and no matter the place, no matter the time and no matter the setting, they will do right by this first and foremost.

This calms her, better than anything her daughter might have tried. There is some kind of comfort in that knowledge, that there’s always the safety net of their title and of their family, and all that it taught them. When uncertain, just follow Andraste’s words and your better’s orders, and pray it goes well. Sometimes, life is as easy as that.

Even if it isn’t fair. Even if it doesn’t leave space for questions.

After lunch, they retreat in their father’s study, discussing the details of their departure the next day. There’s a stiff bitterness in his tone whenever he talks to his daughter, and she can imagine exactly how displeased he is with having her go. But someone still has to be just a Trevelyan, and nothing more, and his choice is limited, at the moment, to her – his oldest would never be sent to such a meeting to begin with.

So he must agree to letting her have her own horse, have her own say in their family’s matters. She tries not to take it personal, that he lacks any more trust in her – it is just that, as much as her mother wished for a daughter, he aimed for a son. He didn’t quite make peace with the fact yet.

Only after all this, her brother double checking their servants’ work, are the two finally left alone. He calls her over in his room, where a big, wrapped present is waiting for her, his hideous scribbling accompanying the rope keeping it together. There’s no hint of what’s inside from the text, just normal teasing for the spoilt baby, and he patiently waits for her to open it.

Inside, the pieces of a leather fighting gear. The smell is faint, and the sewing high-quality, and her brother must have spent quite a considerable part of his pay for this. She blinks away her tears before they can fall, the awe still there, her fingers still touching at each surface they can find.

“Thank you.”

Murmured, softly, overwhelmed.

“The Conclave is more of a war gathering than they’d like to let you believe, sister. You won’t be left powerless if I can help it.”

“I have Andraste,” she says, but he just scoffs, incredulous.

“Because that worked so well so many times before.”

That makes her laugh, at last.

“Thank you,” she says again, because there’s nothing more than that that she can say to express how truly grateful she is.

“I’m glad you are coming, sister.”

But she can’t quite say the same, even if the next day she wears her brother’s gifts, proudly.

_______________________________

The travel itself is pleasant enough, spent in good inns and with good food, sharing memories of their childhood with her brother. They add layers as the weather turns colder and admire the landscape around them. One evening, he plays the lute – the next, she sings by voice. Halfway through, their party meets up with their uncle and aunt, working as escorts for the elder couple – as they arranged weeks prior through a letter. Her aunt immediately presses a silver hair pin in her hands, a beautiful gift that she puts to use the following morning. Her uncle spends one afternoon sharpening her daggers, and she’s reminder that their daughters won each hunting game between their families for the past three years.

Once their destination reached, she situates herself by their side, among the civilians present for the Conclave. Her brother hugs her goodbye, before joining his friends, and later in the day, a second degree cousin, now Chantry sister, finds her and they spend some time catching up. The tension is palpable in the air, but everyone is doing their best to stick to their own and try not to start anything. Divine Justinia is a wonderful respite in the midst of all; her kindness oozing off her, a softness in her voice that manager to lift the angriest frown, a power in her presence that silences even the rowdiest person.

Honestly, Lady Trevelyan admires the woman, finds some hope that the Conclave might actually come to an agreement after all, if she is to judge over all of it. And yet, in this world, everyone wants as much as they can get, and then even more if they can fool others into giving it to them. The negotiations are not that different from her own arguments with her tutors, spoiled and exasperated sides equally certain that they’re in the right.

So the days pass by, and at least the food is nice, and the wine flows freely in the evenings. She’s seen enough drunken Mothers. If bored, in the long afternoons when they aren’t allowed to be present to the talks, the guards ask her for a fight, and she trains alongside them until she knows her fingers will turn red in the water basin as she tries to wash away the dirt from her clothes. She reads out loud holy texts with the sisters in the morning, plays chess with the older participants, writes the letters for her aunt who left her glasses at home. Sometimes, a servant slips her a note – most from her brother, Kill me written out of boredom and exasperation, some from admirers trying to tell her that she’s pretty, but only making crass comments that she immediately throws into the fire.

It’s life – but life as far from the one she knows as she will likely ever get.

And then, it all blows up. Or that’s what people tell her, because she cannot remember –

#dragon age: inquisition #iron bull x inquisitor #female trevelyan #DA: Inquisition #iron bull x female inquisitor #female inquisitor #house trevelyan #dragon age #da: i fic #the inquisitor #da fic #dragon age fic #da fanfic #HELLO guess who is replaying as my favourite inquisitor origin and i am set on writing a fully fleshed out series #my writing

2 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

as the stars align 7/? (branjie) - rujubees

A/N: hollywood enemies to lovers au; 5.2k - also on ao3

Brooke ended up enjoying her time in Vancouver more than she’d expected to. Life on a TV set was fast-paced and constantly busy, so there was little time to miss Vanessa or wonder what more could’ve happened between them had the timing been right.

It was certainly weird being thrust into a new role so soon after Stars, and Brooke knew that playing two queer characters so close together would raise more questions about her own sexuality, but she was used to the mindless gossip and speculation by this point.

Even stranger was working with a love interest that wasn’t played by Vanessa. Her new on-screen girlfriend was played by Violet Chachki, an actress Brooke greatly admired, but she wasn’t attracted to her despite her gorgeous looks. When they filmed their first kiss and Brooke felt nothing, she almost wanted to laugh at how she ever thought she didn’t have feelings for Vanessa, when their scripted kisses had been completely different to any other Brooke had ever experienced.

Even so, Brooke returned to Los Angeles three weeks into October, convinced that she was over Vanessa. ‘Out of Sight, Out of Mind’ had been working out well for her, having not seen the other woman for over two months, and having had barely any time to stalk her Instagram or catch up with her over text. They’d exchanged a couple of messages here and there, mostly in the form of promises to meet up once Brooke was home, but they didn’t bring up That Night, and Brooke had no expectations of it happening again.

Which she was fine with. And maybe Brooke hadn’t slept with anyone else since Vanessa, but it was just because her work was tiring and any days or nights off that she had, she wanted to keep to herself rather than share with other people. Besides, it had only been two months — hardly an unbearable amount of time to go without having sex.

It was a Tuesday when Brooke finally opened the messages she’d had stored on her phone since the day prior, having then been unable to face socialising after her travels back from Canada. She hated to admit how one caught her eye immediately.

Vanessa: Halloween Party at mine next Thursday! U better come, I know ur home then bitch. ;)

Brooke laughed, excitement bubbling inside her at the thought of getting to see Vanessa on one of her favourite holidays. She sent a quick text in confirmation that she would be present, and immediately began coming up with all of the costume possibilities, feeling thankful that her hectic schedule from the last couple of months meant that she’d forgotten the occasion was so near, and subsequently she had failed to commit to any plans for the night already. She had put so much effort into convincing herself that she was over Vanessa, but still nothing could persuade her that there was any better way to spend Halloween than in her co-worker’s company.

Brooke had a rummage through her walk-in closet on the off chance that she would find something right for the event, but all she had was last years mummy costume that had worked perfectly with her ballet training. Who was she kidding, anyway — of course, she was going to use the party as an excuse to treat herself to something new and custom made. It would be the first time seeing Vanessa — and probably the rest of the cast and crew — in months. She had to look good.

It wasn’t long before the perfect idea came to mind. She only had a week, but luckily Brooke knew just the designer who would be up to the task.

—

On October 31st, Brooke stood in front of her dressing table mirror, adding the finishing touches to her lipstick, proudly admiring her work. She had to admit, she felt like this was the best she had ever looked. The luxury of having a week off meant she’d gotten tons of beauty sleep the night before, lying in before taking her time to pamper herself in the shower, spending hours carefully applying her makeup and gently curling her platinum hair that she had allowed to grow long.

She’d decided to go as Catwoman, and enlisted one of her favourite local designers, Raja, to tailor her the perfect latex catsuit that fit like a second skin, clinging to her hips and ass so much she felt explicit. She’d decided against a mask, wanting to show off her freshly bleached, tumbling locks, and settled on a pair of matching cat ears to complete the look. It was minimalist, yet sexy, if Brooke did say so herself.

“Brooke! The car’s here!” Nina yelled up the stairs, Brooke slipping her feet into slick black heels and grabbing her clutch and phone. She checked the time, noticing that it was already half nine, meaning the party would be in full swing by now. Brooke also had a couple of casual texts from Vanessa that she’d held herself back from replying to, for some reason feeling the need to play it cool as much as possible.

“Tequila shots before we leave?” Brooke suggested as she descended the stairs as elegantly as one possibly could in sky-high heels that she really should’ve waited to put on.

“Girl, oh my God, look at you!” Plastique let out as she came into view. She looked pretty cute herself in a pink Playboy bunny outfit. Brooke didn’t know the girl well, having only had brief exchanges with her during filming, but she had seemed to form a group somewhat with Shuga, Yvie and Scarlet, while Brooke had been focused on Vanessa the whole time. She thought it was about time she got to know them all a little bit more, and the idea of turning up to Vanessa’s in a group comforted her —

— hence the gathering at her house right now, the four women ready in the hall, plus Nina of course.

There was a chorus of wolf whistles and compliments as Brooke did a little strut to the kitchen — she knew that in another life, she could’ve been a full-time model.

“Who you tryna impress tonight, bitch?” Yvie asked, leading Scarlet hand in hand as the rest of the girls followed Brooke into the kitchen.

“Oooh, Brooke Lynn, please tell us!” Nina exclaimed dramatically, as if the last time they spoke in person hadn’t consisted of Brooke claiming she was over Vanessa and Nina telling her she was nuts. Brooke fixed her with a stern glare, hoping she could put her off of pulling this shit all night, but it had been a long time since her manager had been intimidated by her.

“Oh, guys, hush. It’s no one, I’m just trying to make my LA society comeback in style, that’s all,” Brooke said with a shrug.

“Well, it’s a damn waste if you ask me. You look fine as hell tonight, honey,” Shuga hummed. “You know, if I didn’t have a husband…”

“I know what you mean, Shugs. If I were single, I’d be all over that,” Scarlet teased, Yvie sticking her tongue out at her in response. “Seriously, Brooke. You can score whoever you want in that getup.”

“Okay. Why are you guys being so nice? I mean, I’m not the only one dressed up here,” — a quick glance at Plastique’s wide-eyed face confirmed Brooke’s suspicions that something was up. “Nina. A word?” she said through gritted teeth.

The other girls scurried off into the hallway, leaving Nina to mindlessly clear up the glasses as she tried to avoid Brooke’s gaze.

“I’m your manager, not your housekeeper you know —“

“Did you tell them about Vanessa?” Brooke jumped to the point.

“See? Your mind went there even though you think you’ve moved on. You totally aren’t over her!” Nina whizzed round to face her.

“I — what? I am. Clearly you don’t believe me and told them about her — us — anyway.”

“B, look, everybody knows. It’s been obvious for months, and even now, you still talk about her in the same way as before. You guys had sex!” — Brooke shushed Nina frantically — “She wants you back, I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard to pretend you’ve moved on. Isn’t this what you’ve been hoping for the whole time? Why are you trying to downplay it?”

“Actually, I don’t know that she wants that. When we slept together, I made it clear it was a one-time thing. I have no reason to think she wants a relationship or to even have sex again,” Brooke whispered.

“Brooke, you — why did you say that? God, you’re so dumb.” Nina was shaking her head like Brooke was beyond her help and she was finally giving up.

“It was just easier. She’s so young and, like, the biggest romantic I’ve ever met, and she’s the most beautiful goddamn person in the world. I wasn’t about to try and tie her down only to abandon her for Canada a week later,” Brooke revealed sadly.

“Oh, Brooke. You’re so in love, it amazes me how you don’t see it.”

“I — what?” Brooke all but yelled. “I’m not — I’m not in love, I told you, I’m… I’m fine,” she spluttered, which probably wasn’t helping her case. “I don’t even have feelings for her anymore. You’ll see, Nina.”

“Brooke, don’t make yourself unhappy to prove a point,” Nina pleaded with her. The words made Brooke uneasy. She wasn’t in love. She’d had a crush on Vanessa, sure, but she’d never let it get that deep. Nina didn’t know shit.

“Y’all, some of us would actually like to get to this party before the clock strikes midnight,” Shuga called from where the rest of them were stood waiting.

Nina sighed before trotting off, Brooke trailing behind as soon as she could compose herself, her walk lacking the confidence she’d been full of before.

—

“It’s ten o’ clock, where is she?!” Vanessa exclaimed between nervous glances at her phone and sips of her cocktail. Time Warp was ringing through her large, bustling open plan apartment, and as much as Vanessa was proud of her Halloween playlist, she really just wanted to turn it the fuck down so she could listen out for any signs that Brooke had arrived.

“Bitch, chill, you’re being too much. She’s probably on her way. You’ve already texted her enough times,” Silky huffed at her, her iffy The Wiz cosplay making her one of the least menacing costumes there.

“And she ain’t even read ‘em. What if she wants nothin’ to do with me anymore?”

“Calm yo melodramatic Libra ass down. I’m serious, Vanj, you need to play hard to get.”

In spite of Silky’s words of wisdom, Vanessa knew she’d be unable to relax and enjoy herself until Brooke finally showed her face.

She missed her so, so much.

When Brooke announced that she was going away for work in Canada, Vanessa briefly thought that maybe she would finally be given the distance she needed to move on. That possibility flew out the window just as quickly, as after she slept with Brooke, she knew that she couldn’t just move on from her. Not now, possibly not ever.

Vanessa remembered how Brooke had propositioned her, and how she’d almost hoped that the sex between them would be bad. Almost hoped that they were incompatible, since Brooke had made it very clear that she wasn’t after a relationship, or even a friends with benefits situation — she wanted a one night stand, and Vanessa wanted so much more.

But, cliché as it was, the exact opposite had turned out to be true, and Vanessa couldn’t say she was surprised. It had been some of the best sex she’d ever had, passionate and intimate and short and sweet because it had been such a long time coming. And there was no getting Brooke out of her head after that.

After a few more minutes of socialising, pretending to be immersed in conversations but really just wishing it was Brooke she was talking to, Silky pulled Vanessa aside.

“She’s here,” Silky announced like they were in some sort of spy movie. Vanessa tried to break free of her grasp, but Silky had more advice to give. “Be cool. Trust me, if you want her to fuck you again, act like you barely even remember who she is.”

“Silk, that’s ridiculous,” — but Silky was shaking her head disapprovingly, and the more Vanessa thought about her strategy, the more she supposed there wasn’t any in harm in waiting for Brooke to come to her first — “but if Brooky don’t wanna answer my texts, maybe she does to deserve to be left on read for a little bit. Like, in real life.”

Silky frowned at that, perplexed.

“It’s an analogy, bitch.”

After a few more minutes of conveniently failing to notice Brooke’s arrival, Vanessa turned around and found the woman of her affections already staring at her, though she quickly diverted her gaze after getting caught before returning it and giving Vanessa a small wave and a shrug. Vanessa smirked in response, causing a blush to rise in Brooke’s cheeks, clashing endearingly with the sexy, badass character she was portraying.

Brooke looked so hot she made it hard to look away, but Vanessa didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking her newfound presence had that much of an effect on her. Didn’t want Brooke getting any impression of Vanessa waiting for hours, longing for Brooke to show up.

Even though that was exactly what she had been doing.

—

Brooke wasn’t one for conspiracy theories or jumping to conclusions, but all night she’d had a sinking feeling that Vanessa had been avoiding her.

It started when she’d arrived, when Vanessa certainly hadn’t seemed as enthusiastic about their reunion as Brooke felt. She’d given Brooke a quick smile in recognition, and then gone back to her interactions with the group of people she was currently socialising with, barely sparing Brooke a second glance.

She felt self-absorbed even thinking it, but Brooke had at least hoped she’d come over and say hi — she’d even kind of been expecting it after Vanessa had dropped her so many messages about the party. But maybe she was just being polite. Maybe she’d had too many people back out already, and she just wanted to make sure.

Whatever the reason was, it hurt more than Brooke could fathom. She became deflated and dejected, trying not to sulk as she mingled with her other co-stars and crew members, knowing that she was probably looking like the lamest, most miserable Catwoman to ever exist.

It stung to think that perhaps Vanessa regretted what had happened between them, but then again, why should she still be caught up on that night? If Vanessa ever felt something for Brooke, she’d more than likely moved on by now. After all, Brooke had.

If one good thing came out of Vanessa ghosting her, it was Proving Nina Right.

“I told you so,” Brooke said when she finally caught up with her best friend again, at around midnight. She was straddling the line between tipsy and drunk from all the alcohol she’d been knocking back in self-pity.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to, but I doubt you did. You know I’m never wrong,” Nina replied with a smile.

“Vanessa. I’m over her.”

“And have you been thinking a lot on this night about how you’re over Vanessa?” Nina laughed.

“I mean it, bitch. I haven’t talked to her since I got here. Not once, nope.”

“By choice?” Nina questioned, narrowing her eyes.

“Well. Not exactly,” Brooke scrunched her nose in response. “It’s just… I think she hates me.”

Nina huffed dramatically, seeming uncharacteristically impatient with Brooke Lynn.

“Right. That’s it. I don’t even wanna hear this. You two are the worst communicators in the world and I’m tired of it,” — she grabbed Brooke’s hand and dragged her across the kitchen and out onto the deck, where Vanessa stood, a literal angel, glowing under the moonlight.

“Vanessa! How good to see you! Love the party, dear,” Nina called loudly, Brooke feeling like a bratty child being forced to apologise on the playground.

“Hi, V,” Brooke greeted Vanessa, warmth surging through her when Vanessa grinned back at her.

“Sorry, I have to just take this,” Nina butted in, gripping her silent phone, “after all, a manager’s job never ends.”

“How was Canada?” Vanessa started after Nina had left them to it.

“Good. Really good, actually,” Brooke confessed eagerly. “How’s LA been?”

“Same old, you know how it is, girl.”

“Yeah.”

There were a few moments of awkward silence which Brooke used to subtly take in Vanessa’s costume. She was wearing a detailed white corset and bra, huge wings, and a bejewelled headpiece, plus matching stockings that made Brooke want to stare at her thighs all night long. And maybe touch them a little bit, but that was fine, any self-respecting lesbian would feel the same way.

“Brooke, about what happened between us, after the wrap party —” Vanessa began, making Brooke seize up in a panic at the elephant in the room finally being addressed.

“We can forget about it,” she blurted out, her ego unable to handle Vanessa’s words of rejection right now. “It’s no biggie.”

Vanessa said nothing, snapping her head away from Brooke to look up at the moon again.

“Sure, let’s do that. It’s for the best,” she agreed finally.

“Yeah,” Brooke whispered, at a loss for what else to say.

Vanessa faced her again, and shit, she was a terrible actor. Her eyes were wet and had she really been crying this whole time while Brooke was unaware right next to her? Not that Brooke could blame her — she was already feeling like they’d gone and fucked up the tentative friendship that had been formed between the two of them. Brooke felt her throat constricting as she realised how much she hated this. How different it felt now.

“Good talk, I guess,” Vanessa summarised, and she was gone from Brooke’s side in a flash.

—

Brooke had decided to call it a night soon after her conversation with Vanessa, no longer in the mood for any kind of festivities. She was quiet the entire Uber ride home, and was grateful when for once, Nina chose not to pry.

They couldn’t avoid each forever, though, as that Saturday they had their first press gigs for As The Stars Align. As Brooke spent the morning getting ready, she regretted how much she was not looking forward to the day’s schedule — first a panel with the whole cast, and then some paired interviews; naturally, as co-leads, Brooke and Vanessa had been put together for all of theirs.

The panel rolled around too quickly, and Brooke found herself on stage in a line with Michelle, Asia and Katya to her right, Vanessa and the rest of the cast to her left. There was an audience of a few hundred in front of them, and their moderator was a woman called Monét.

“Hi everyone,” Monét began, receiving cheers in response. She introduced each person on stage and gave out some background information on the movie before scrolling on her iPad and launching into the questions. Brooke spared Vanessa a glance, but her co-star seemed strangely out of it. Brooke wanted to bring her back to reality, check she was okay, but she couldn’t catch her eye. As a result, Brooke missed the first couple of questions, and was thankful that none of them seemed to be directed at her. She made a mental note not to watch the panel back later and scrutinise herself for a lack of professionalism that would no doubt be obvious to her own eyes.

“Katya, I wanna talk about your decision to be involved in the creative process of the movie. What made you want to take an active role in the production of As The Stars Align?” Monét asked as Katya’s face lit up.

“This project is my baby,” Katya began with a slight chuckle. “This story is so special to me and to be honest, I don’t trust these bitches unsupervised,” — the audience laughed and Katya’s eyes widened as she apologised and asked whether she was allowed to swear.

“But in all seriousness, I did want to make sure it was done right. A lot of LGBT people, especially young ones, have told me directly how much my book means to them and I didn’t want to let them down. It’s why I wanted the diverse cast and crew that we have. Unfortunately, they happen to be horrible monsters to work with,” Katya joked.

“Speaking of monsters…” Monét grinned wickedly. “Vanessa, what was it like working with the Brooke Lynn Hytes? And playing love interests no less?”

Brooke blushed slightly, turning to Vanessa with a quirked eyebrow. Vanessa looked caught off guard.

“Lemme think how I’m gon answer that,” she teased after a few seconds. “And get your camera phones out, I know y’all be recording and tagging.”

“Please, everyone's dying to know if the diva rumours are true,” Monét carried on sarcastically.

“Working with Brooke Lynn was… an experience,” Vanessa began, earning some stifled laughs from those on stage who knew their shared history. “She’s damn fierce at what she does — if I’ve had even a fifth of the career she’s had by the time I’m her age, it’ll be a blessing.”

“You calling me old, bitch?” Brooke quipped, and the audience laughed again in delight, but Brooke had seen Vanessa smile enough times to know that her heart wasn’t in the one she was giving her right now.

The rest of Monét’s questions went off without a hitch, but when they directed the line of enquiry to journalists in the audience, Brooke felt a sinking feeling in her stomach at the unpredictability of it all. One of the paparazzi introduced himself as being from Fox News, and Brooke wondered how she was going to pretend to be nice to this man.

She’d expected casual sexism or homophobia, but she almost threw up a bit at the actual words that the words left the reporter’s mouth.

“Brooke and Vanessa, we’ve had many inside sources claim they saw you both enter the same hotel room on the night of the wrap party. What I want to ask is, is there any truth to the speculation that the two of you are romantically involved?”

Monét had to hush the rumblings of the audience, giving Brooke a few extra seconds to think on her feet. Vanessa looked horrified (which Brooke would’ve taken offence to if she didn’t feel so bad for her) and was choking on air, most likely thanking her luck that they had been saddled with passing a few microphones around rather than wearing them.

“Brooke, Vanessa, feel free not to answer that. I’m speaking to the management about vetting as soon as this is over,” Monét said, only half kidding.

“It’s okay. Vanessa and I aren’t together, but wouldn’t that be quite the story?” Brooke replied, the words tasting like salt. “However, she has become a very good friend of mine, and, um, she deserves the world. All the amazing humans on this stage do.” The audience aww-ed and ahh-ed, touched.

“Y’all heard me earlier, I wouldn’t be caught dead with her senior ass,” Vanessa exaggerated, Brooke laughing despite the joke made at her expense, gratefully that Vanessa was able to lighten the mood.

After another twenty minutes of audience questions, thankfully none as invasive as the first, they departed the stage and took a lunch break before their upcoming afternoon of paired interviews. Everyone ate together at a big table, Vanessa sat a few seats down from Brooke, and she was still being unusually quiet.

Brooke hated not hearing her loud voice soaring above all the rest.

—

Vanessa’s Halloween party had not gone to plan.

She had envisioned it so well — Brooke would arrive just as Vanessa was a couple of drinks in wearing a bomb costume; they’d lock eyes from across the room and the spark would be reignited. They’d spend all night catching up, just the two of them in their own corner, and maybe one of them would make a move.

Maybe she’d had her hopes too high expecting a grand love declaration or a kiss that swept her off her feet, but she thought Brooke would at least be down to continue whatever they started. Instead, her day had ended with Brooke telling her that she wanted to pretend that night had never happened.

Vanessa was fucking crushed.

She had never experienced heartbreak, not really — her only relationship had been Matt, and she had been more relieved than sad when it was over. But she was completely devastated to realise that her fantasies of a future with Brooke would remain fantasies. Vanessa hated herself for falling for Brooke so hard and fast, especially since the intensity of her feelings were clearly unreciprocated.

Vanessa was also, despite being a professional actor, completely terrible at hiding her feelings. When she was in character — following a script — she was mostly able to detach herself completely and convey any emotion regardless of whether it was one she able to empathise with, but when she was being herself it was no use.

She was sure fans would pick up on it, would question why Vanessa wasn’t her usual bubbly, loud self on stage. If only they knew.

Her first joint interview with Brooke was with a tall, blonde woman named Alaska, who wrote for an LGBT magazine. When Vanessa joined her in the small press room, Brooke Lynn was already there, early as ever (except for her Halloween party, Vanessa thought bitterly).

“Hi, girls,” Alaska drawled. Her questions were pleasantly thoughtful, focussing on the message of the movie, allowing them to give in depth, individual answers, though afterwards they were ordered to up the chemistry between the two of them, so clearly they hadn’t been everything the publication was looking for.

And she had to give it to her — from then on, Brooke did start making an effort to connect with Vanessa in her responses, even though Vanessa struggled to put their personal issues aside.

After more interviews that seemed to go on forever, mostly with male reporters who were as boring as they were old, they had one final discussion with a girl named Tatianna, which would be printed rather than filmed. She was more gossipy, but just as sweet as Alaska had been.

“Ladies, this one’s a little personal, so just let me know if you want to move on and we’ll cut it out. I don’t know your identities, but I was wondering whether your own experiences with sexuality have influenced the way you play these characters, and your decision to take on LGBT roles.”

Vanessa looked at Brooke, hesitance etched over her features, and it suddenly clicked that Brooke was a celebrity, and her sexuality wasn’t public knowledge — Vanessa had been oblivious before Brooke had come out to her. She didn’t know why the thought had never occurred to her before, but she realised that Brooke was most likely being intentionally private about her sexuality for whatever reasons and she didn’t want to put her in a compromising situation, no matter how frustrated she was with her right now.

“Obviously, I can’t speak for Brooke, but yeah, it definitely played a role for me. I’m bisexual, and there was such a lack of bi representation for me growing up — there still is now, and of LGBT representation in general. I always assumed I was straight, ‘cos I didn’t even really know that liking more than one gender was a thing. There was no bi figures, in fiction or the media, or if there was, they were constantly being erased… but that’s a whole other discussion, Mary.” Vanessa noticed that Brooke looked utterly engaged in what she was saying, and it was nice to feel heard and understood.

“So yeah, I was definitely conscious as a bi person about taking queer roles. We deserve to tell our own stories, you know? I feel like having a movie like this with such a diverse cast would’ve really helped the teenage me who was just trying to figure herself out.”

Tatianna nodded compassionately, before turning towards Brooke.

“I, uh. I agree LGBT representation is so important, and the way it’s handled is always an indicator on quality in a script. I feel like people of any sexuality can relate to queer roles — especially women, or people of colour, anyone who knows what it feels like to be marginalised or a minority. But yeah, there’s definitely a lot of me in my character,” Brooke confessed, smiling half-heartedly.

“Well, this has been a very insightful conversation. Thank you both for your time,” Tatianna concluded, shaking their hands.

The interviewer began talking with the behind the scenes people whose jobs were a mystery to Vanessa.

“Girl, what a day,” Vanessa yawned, hoping they would be given the okay to leave soon.

“Ness, I… I’m proud of you, you know,” Brooke said. Vanessa’s heart melted with both affection and sadness at Brooke’s gentle voice, and properly looked her in the eyes for the first time in days.

“Bitch, don’t get soft with me.”

“I’m serious… you just, like, came out to the whole world. That’s a big deal.”

“Well, not the whole world, just Refinery29 readers,” Vanessa joked. Brooke laughed a disproportionate amount.

“You ever think you’ll do it? I just realised we never talked about all that —” Brooke’s face became immediately pensive at Vanessa’s question.

“Sure,” she decided after a few moments of reflection. “I mean, I have my hang-ups, but if I got into a really serious relationship, I wouldn’t wanna hide it, y’know?” — Vanessa nodded — “but sometimes I worry that I’ve left it too late. Like, what if everyone feels I’ve been lying by omission all these years and I end up betraying both straight people and the LGBT community at the same time?”

“Ima stop you right there, girl,” Vanessa cut her off. “You don’t owe nothing to nobody, got it? If you do it, it’s gotta be on your own terms. Gay people won’t give a shit that it didn’t happen earlier, they know how it is. Trust me, if they ever find out Brooke Lynn Hytes is one of them, they ain’t gonna be mad.”

Brooke raised her eyebrows, and Vanessa wondered if she knew she was projecting.

“And I’m not done. To address your other concern. If homophobes are pissed then you’re doing something right. You finessed them and got their homophobic coin, be proud, bitch!”

“You know, surprisingly, that made me feel a lot better. Thanks, Ness,” Brooke shared with a small smile.

And Vanessa felt better, too. The issues between her and Brooke couldn’t be magically fixed, but for now, a weight had been lifted.

#rpdr fanfiction #rujubees #as the stars align #lesbian au #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #smut #angst #fluff #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #concrit welcome

15 notes · View notes