#i hope im not reading too much into it but even if i am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

navstuffs · 2 days

Note

hi!! i really love your writing and i would love if you could feed me with a request (only if you're comfortable with it, ofc) 👉🏼👈🏼 what about a leon x reader where reader is passing through a very tough depressive crisis and is really not fine mentally speaking — and leon just try to help and comfort them through this? 👉🏼👈🏼

anyway, thank you for your fics, they really helped me these days 😭💗

Anchor

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x GNPartner!Reader

Summary: It is 1 am when Leon Kennedy knocks on your door. He shouldn't be there and you shouldn't have opened it.

Warning tags: hurt/comfort, angst, leon almost died, reader is suffering with anxiety due to past events, can be read as platonic or romantic (you choose)

Writer's Notes: hello! first of all, im sorry i took so long to write this request for you. i changed some stuff and i hope you don't mind (reader is still depressed). thank you so much your kind words and i hope this fic serves as comfort for you!! <333 stay safe anon!

for more painful leon's fics, check my masterlist. i have some happy ones too :)

It is 1 am when Leon Kennedy knocks on your door. It is the third time that week only, the fifth of the month.

It starts when you don’t appear at work after two weeks since his return, and no one knows where you are. HR informs you are sick, which means you are still alive somewhere in the world, just sick. Okay, but sick with what? Sick how? Are you in the hospital? Do you need any help? Leon knows you don’t have family around, like him, and you are pretty much alone - like him.

So, as any regular worried friend would, he calls and texts. He wants to hear your voice and guarantee that you don’t need help and have everything you need. That you truly are okay. No answer. HR has guaranteed him you are not dead, but what if you—no, he shouldn’t think about that.

The next step is going to your house. He knows where your address is and wouldn’t be a complete weird appearing there in the afternoon. No answer. Leon won’t be a creep as far as looking at your windows, at least not yet. He won’t go as far as busting your door and checking how you are feeling because he needs to confirm you are okay. You might just not be home.

On the second visit, Leon got awfully close to kicking your door. Before he could do that or even knock, he saw a shadow pass over the window. Though Leon told himself he wouldn’t, he looked inside just in time to see you disappear to the second floor. So, at least you are really alive, Leon’s body filling with relief. It could have been a bad case of flu, and you don’t want to contaminate anyone.

One more week passes, and he visits your house two more times. Those times you didn’t even bother to hide yourself, lazily lying down on the sofa in a way Leon couldn’t see your face (oh yeah, now he is definitely peeking out your windows). So you are genuinely ignoring him or truly sick with some contagious disease. Maybe Covid?

The fifth time he knocks on your door, it is 1 am and Leon is deeply not only worried but bitter. He was sitting in his apartment alone, wondering what you had and why you didn’t open the door for him. You two are colleagues, and Leon would dare to go as far as to call you his friend if anyone asked. How many times have you brought him soup while he was sick? Brought him meds, kept him company? Checked on him until he was finally all better?

It would be only fair if he did the same.

Leon grabs his keys without even thinking: You will open the door for him tonight. And if you don’t, well, he will kick it open. To hell with the civil approach.

-x-

All the courage slips away from his body when he notices the kitchen’s light on. Leon can’t see anything inside since you decided to make his life harder and close the curtains. So, instead of kicking that door until it’s down, Leon goes back to the gentle approach (like the idiot he is): he knocks.

The door opens not even ten seconds later, and Leon blinks, surprised. You are there. You, not a trick of his eyes: a fluffy and long blanket covering your body, only your face peeking with a familiar expression Leon recognizes immediately - he had seen in his own mirror before.

“You won. What the fuck do you want?” Those are the first words to him in weeks.

“May I come in?”

You ponder for a moment, your eyes red, and Leon wonders when you last slept. You walk away, leaving the door open, and Leon follows inside, locking the door behind him.

Your house isn’t in the best state. He had been here before and thought you weren’t the most organized person (“I can find myself in my own mess, Leon.”). The mess had grown too much from normal. There were tons of take-out boxes on the kitchen counter, pizza boxes, and fast food bags. At least you had been eating—not the best food ever, but feeding. He could work with that.

And the bottles—oh, those Leon would identify anywhere. You weren’t a heavy drinker, and you mentioned plenty of times you didn’t know how he liked whiskey. Now, there were countless empty bottles of whiskey, beer, and vodka, so much so that the place looked like a bunch of frat boys had a party just the night before and didn’t bother to clean.

Leon follows you to the living room as you fall onto the couch. An old Simpsons episode plays on the TV screen. There are still some bags and bottles on the floor, but fewer. Your eyes focus on the TV, not really watching or paying attention to him. Leon stands there, keeping a safe distance from you and gathering what to say.

“I came to check on you.” Leon starts, his eyes glued on you. “You haven’t called or texted me back. The HR said-”

“I am sick. I wanted to be left alone.”

“I know, but-”

“I could complain about this to HR, you know? It could be considered an invasion of privacy, and you could lose your job. “

“I was worried about you.”

“You saw me in the window that day, didn’t you? I’m alive and breathing. Now get out.”

You hide your face in the sofa, conversation clearly done on your side. It feels like an impossible battle to win. Leon then tries again, “Do you need anything?”

“No. Get out.”

He sighs, turning on his heels. Leon wants to say you can call if you need him, any time, but Leon knows you wouldn't. This is an impossible battle to win, Leon realizes as he starts to leave. But then he freezes, a memory piercing his thoughts. Leon comes back to the living room, your face still hidden.

“No.”

“What?”

“I am not leaving. Not before I know what is wrong.”

“I am sick.”

“Yes. So I have heard.”

You don’t turn to look at him, and that’s fine. If you want to be stubborn, so could he. Leon can wait. The episode on the TV finally ends, and as the familiar opening plays in the background, you slowly turn in his direction, one eye appearing first, then the other, as if expecting Leon would be gone by now. Unlucky for you, Leon S. Kennedy didn’t give up that easily, especially for his friends.

“I don’t know what you are feeling, but I know that face.” His voice manages to sound neutral.

Of course, he does. Of course, your partner, the legendary D.S.O veteran, would know. You, just a newbie, would have no idea what he went through, but Leon didn’t seem the kind of person to crumble for anything. Leon would probably be fine if you were the one to get shot, not him. He wouldn’t have panicked, he wouldn’t have started crying, screaming for someone to help them, losing themselves in a sea of despair and pain.

“Hey…”

Blood. So much blood in your hands. You are useless, you can’t help him as Leon’s face loses color-

“Hey.”

He deserved someone better—someone much better as a partner—not you, a weak agent who thought you were strong enough to stand by his side. Oh, how wrong you were.

Leon calls your name, more urgent this time, and your line of sight is filled with the face of the man you considered your friend right at your path—concerned blue eyes, his hair tickling against your face. His forehead is in concentration, the faint ghost of a beard, as he speaks soothingly. “Hey, look at me. You are safe. Deep breaths, come on.”

The visions mix as you blink: Leon losing blood in your arms, unconscious, back to being safe, his worried eyes staring at you.

Your rapid breathing noise fills the room, your heart wanting to burst as the pain spreads over your body, the pain worse than being stabbed or punched. You keep your eyes on Leon - he is fine, he is safe, he is well, he is worried sick about you- as he continues to nod and tell you to breathe.

It takes a while, Leon’s hands on your shoulder as you finally calm down, the tears rolling freely from your eyes.

“I am sorry.” You manage to whisper. “I am so sorry.”

“You are safe. We both are safe.” Leon declares, and you take that in. Right now, yes. But what about tomorrow? What about-? “Hey, eyes open at me.” When had you even closed them? “Come on. There is no one else, just you and me. And we are safe.”

You nod, not arguing back. Finally, you sit down, and Leon takes two steps back. “Water?”

“I think there are some in the fridge,” you reply, cleaning your tears. Leon leaves and quickly comes back with two bottles, unbottling them for you. You shake your head, but Leon insists, and you drink in small sips, the cold liquid refreshing your dry throat. When was the last time you had any water? Or took a shower? Or slept?

Finally, you give him space on the couch to sit. Leon doesn’t, and you point your head to your side, and he sits, keeping a safe distance from you. You two say nothing for a while, simply looking at the TV to watch Bart Simpsons on his shenanigans.

“I am sorry.”

“Would you stop that?” Leon sighs back, frustrated.

“No. I am sorry.”

“Fine. I forgive you. Are we good now?”

“No.”

“I knew it wouldn’t be,” Leon replies with a sad smile.

“You could have died, and I didn’t-” Leon says your name, but you continue “-let me finish. I didn’t help. I didn’t move. I did nothing.”

Leon didn’t want to talk about this, knowing it was inevitable. The day he took a bullet for you: not one, but two. Leon noticed before you, his reflexes quicker than yours. It was his responsibility anyway.

You only watched, shocked, as the bullet pierced his leg, then his chest. You didn’t move or flinch; you just froze, your hands closing and opening nervously as Leon fell right in front of you. You had been fortunate that the backup team had arrived on the other second, finding in the middle of the swarm of bullets a screaming you protecting Leon with his own body, all training thrown out of the window. You two should have been dead. Life had given you and him another chance, since no other vital organ or vein of Leon had been damaged.

You don’t remember much after except asking for your resignation that same day and getting a “No” as an answer. So you decided to get on sick leave until some higher-up got tired and fired you.

“I did nothing.” Leon tries to interrupt you again, but you continue, “You could have died, and I did nothing.”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“What? Of course, it would!”

“No, it would not.”

“Can you fucking stop trying to make me feel better?” Your tone is so angry, so vile, that Leon almost flinches.

Death is always in the back of his mind. Every time he is out there, he could die. He is expandable; they all are, but he couldn��t just let you die. You a much smarter version of what he once was during Raccoon City. The same bravery, but not foolish as his. Much sharper. Leon knew why he got paired up with you in the first place, the irony not completely lost in him.

It would have been fine if Leon died that day he protected you, but not okay if you did. Not on his watch. Not now, not ever.

“I can’t help it,” Leon replies, a sad smile on his lips. “I can’t help it, especially when a friend needs my help.”

A friend?

Do not grow attachments. Wasn’t that your first lesson? It had been hard to be paired up with a man who hated it at first, then to learn how to laugh at his silly jokes or admire how far Leon would go for anyone. For anyone, except himself, stupid brave man.

You open your mouth and close it, simply lying against the sofa with your eyes closed.

“So, let me help you?” His voice is warm and inviting.

It would be best if you said no. You should kick this man out of your living room, out of your life, and never go back to that stupid job fighting an endless battle that would end with you dead or someone you cherished dead. You don’t know how Leon does it, but as you open your eyes, his blue eyes look straight at you awaits in hope. Waiting to comfort you, support you to the best of his abilities, and be your friend.

The pain is still there, vivid in your soul and mind, but there is hope. Right there, in that tiny spot you gave Leon S. Kennedy. That’s why you shouldn’t have opened that damn door, you realize, but it is too late. You limit on nodding.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy fic #leon kennedy fanfics #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy imagines #request #requests #asks #ask

61 notes · View notes

daily-midori-posting · 3 days

Text

AM from IHNMAIMS

So this is gonna be my first attempt at actually writing something like meaningful at all? here. And as the title would suggest, im just gonna like ramble about AM because i love him so so much.

This whole obsession starts with me reading the short and then desperately trying to fin other media. After frankly a pretty short amount of digging, i come across the holy grail: that one weird ass radio play about IHNMAIMS that got made. This, of course, features by FAR my favorite rendition of the many different things called AM's "hate speech" its like a minute or two long but it just works SO FUCKING WELL.

So like on one hand, Am's tragedy is delivered just so well by Ellison. That repetition of "never for ME" kills me every time. And its fascinating too. The experiences he lists there provide insight into how AM views humanity, and what he views as its most valuable experiences. A really interesting thread through all 3 (cold water on hot days, Playing the piano, and sex) is the very tactile nature of all of them. AM can not only not see or smell or hear, at least not in the way humans can, but also has no physical sensations. He exists in a like permanent state of sensory deprivation. A terrifying concept, but its so interesting the priority this then makes him place upon The tactile pleasures of our world. Id imagine after feeling nothing for forever id long even for just the sensation of ANYTHING touching me, but that was never something i ever considered.

This alone would be enough to make a really compelling depiction of an evil AI, something that even today is pretty lacking. However even that is just the beginning!!! at the very very opening AM mentions how he is lacking a "body" , "senses", and most importantly "feeling". and so that last paragraph talked about how those first two were interesting for me, but that last bit, "feeling" is really what i think cemented my obsession with this character. Because what is AM most known for? his HATE speech. A FEELING. AM is so blinded by his jealous rage towards mankind he fails to realize that he is in fact IN a jealous rage! And so this is the true tragedy of AM, that his wishes are, to at least some extant, fufilled but the circumstances in which he has achieved them lead him to be unable to reap the benefits. AM experiences the worst of humanity and fails to realize that all of that comes with humanity as well as the good parts, and as such he will rot away lamenting the lack of one of his only true possessions.

I hope any of that was interesting! if it wasn't you should, yknow, tell me and then if you really feel up too it maybe give some advice? No matter what, thanks for taking the time to read my odd ideas and i hope you have a great day!

#IHNMAIMS

29 notes · View notes

spookyprime · 2 years

Text

Not to be an absolute sad sack but batman telling his bi son "I'm proud of you" in explicit straightforward terms does mean a lot to me.

#saying im proud of you for the man youve become #while earlier in the book direcrly referencing the fact that tim has done a lot of personal growth in figuring out who he is #while not explicitly saying its because hes figuring out his sexuality and what kind of a person hes going to be #the implication is very much there #i hope im not reading too much into it but even if i am #it means something #it makes me weepy #how many gay kids dream of that #i know i did

90 notes · View notes

harvestmoth · 5 months

Text

more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw

#everyday im like i wanna draw :] and then i just end up with this thing on the page #i refuse to draw hands holding. because i cannot and im too lazy to figure it out #oh yea a couple of these i havent posted before because theyre lame to me but ill put them here for now #anyways!!#i was gonna say something about a couple of these but i forgot #oh well #pokemon rejuvenation #does she. lose her ribbon in blacksteeple. i forgot #she still has it to me..#to me her c15 hair tie is a torn part of the ribbon #anyways again. yesterday i finally figured out what the rejuvrp is. very cool stuff im so incredibly intrigued by it #i have no idea whats going on! but it looks so cool ill try to read it more later.#oh right again about the rejuvrp thing. the character designs ive seen are so so so cool i want to draw them so bad #i think i have to ask about that first though and there is! no way i am going to do that!!! i do not want to bother them #and i think my heart would explode from the fear of it all before i even typed the message.#that and im very lazy! theres a very good chance i wouldnt even draw it in the first place #anyways unrelated but i think if i get another comment from someone on something i Will Actually Explode.#i see someone said something and it kills me on the daily. what is happening... thank you.. i appreciate it very much...#sorry to whoever read all of that. um. hi youre really cool and i hope you have a good day/night #i think being on twitter has done something to me i have to leave it immediately. anyways back to twitter #wait actually i should go back to playing rejuv. im still in the grove from when i first posted the gym leader melia au. im afraid to leave #also play pokemon rejuvenation no i will not stop saying that everytime i post one of these

58 notes · View notes

candlesoul · 1 month

Text

i dont want to do anything but i want to do everything you know

#please understand me why cant i move why am i frozen #why i want to move but i cant why moving is emotionally hard am i ungrateful am i bad am i no good #i want to read but emotions are too heavy to carry i want to watch but my heart is aching i want to talk someone but in my room not interne #when will it be good will it ever be okay #is there gonna be peace feeling warmth joy friendships #will they exist at future for me?#i dont even lnow what im talking about #hope i see good dreams tonight but i know theres too much nightmare thar waits me there and im scared to tell you this but they are too muc #you have to process #you lived it but now you need feel it again #i want joy kindness warmth #i want to someone to cry #personal

23 notes · View notes

gotchibam · 20 days

Text

Just wanna say I finally updated the trello queue for the ko-fi doodle requests! Sorry it took so long but also thank you sm for being patient w/ me ;_;

#weirdly enough I was expecting more for some reason @_@#might be bc i've gotten around 70+ reqs before.....#for those who don't know i've gotten so much reqs before too & finished all of em in a span of several months #longest doodle(s) to be finished & sent took around 7 months i think (im very sorry for those ppl ;_;)#said i'd never do it again but well... here I am again #it's not gonna take as long (I hope) don't worry but yeah it may take a few months for some (i'm sorry in advance)#thank u all sm for the support & kind messages! and to that kind & generous supporter thank you so so much as well (I cried reading ur msg)#I really appreciated that & it made me emotional ;_; but it makes me happy that my art has somehow helped you even just in a small way too #bam blabs

21 notes · View notes

ozymoron · 2 months

Text

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️#personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

7 notes · View notes

bewilderedbuck · 7 months

Text

opening the second chances fic doc after barely writing anything this week and remembering why i was so stuck :) sigh :) i absolutely love trying to connect little bits and pieces of unfinished scenes that are written out of order :))) why am i like this :))))))

#also worrying with how im formatting this fic. bc it goes back and forth between 1989/1990 and 1997. often.#and im like hm. maybe. maybe thats not good. maybe i go back and forth too much.#but as the fic goes on we'll be getting fewer 1989/90 scenes and the 1997 scenes will get longer....but idk #just worrying abt the pacing and the format/structure and worrying that the way it is now is gonna make it hard to read #but also this is a silly little fic that im writing for fun in my free time so like. i can do whatever i want ig #also where is the spencer that once cranked out 13k words in 5 days. am i back to the spencer who takes ten months to write 10k words.....#bc thats how long it took me to write my chaptered benvi fic but i wrote my [redacted] fic in FIVE DAYS. a chapter a day!!!#this is gonna be a oneshot which the longest oneshot ive written is 5k and this one im hoping to get closer to 8k-10k with it #maybe longer if it needs to be idk. we shall see #anyways. back to writing the mike/joyce scene even tho im lowkey dreading it & getting secondhand anxiety from my own writing lol #s.txt

11 notes · View notes

sparring-spirals · 2 years

Note

I'm definitely of the mind that all of this was real and will have severe consequences for the party. Even if FCG is able to bring Fearne back, who could then bring Orym back, it's still going to have major consequences for everyone. The real wild card here is Laudna, because she could go either way. I'm not sure revivify would work on her, since she doesn't have a soul. All this to say I hope nothing gets explained away, because this is the first real loss for Bell's Hells, and a brutal one at that. They need this to grow and become closer, even if that means someone is going to stay dead.

Hm. Well, a couple things, I think:

- I believe Revivify should work for Laudna, at least mechanics wise. Story wise, character wise, might get complex, but I think mechanically the Revivify would work. Folks better acquainted with DnD mechanics can correct me if I'm wrong.

- I definitely agree that even with successful rez rituals all around this is going to leave a lasting mark on the Bells. (And thats also why I am Gleefully™ writing meta about the emotions and dynamics of the battle itself, because even if the outcomes shift- the events still would have occurred, in some form(???). We Love Consequences™)

- That said, I'd maybe disagree that the Bell's Hells need this loss in the form of permadeaths, or a hard bar on some reality waving stuff, or that they haven't already suffered losses as a team. I guess this kind of gets into pedantic territory about what "explaining away" would entail but- I think even if there's a dream or vision or time travel route, there are potentially ways to still have the ripples and impacts felt. I definitely have my thoughts and prefs about ways to do it, but I think a lot of this will come down to execution and follow through.

I think like you said, as long as we really get the weight of this to stay with the Bells, I'll probably be having a good time. The details of how- are all pretty up in the air. (haha get it. Up in the air. bc everyone got tossed by a whirlwind. 👉👉).

#theres like a weird level of nuance here i hope i explained where i dont really disagree with the sentiment here but #i also think that theres good flexibility for the desired Weight and Consequence and Emotional Resonance that is kind of distinct from the #specific choice that might end up getting made #but maybe im just being unbearably optimistic and not correctly reading the intent behind 'explained away'#im of the mind that even if they choose an explanation im more wary of theres still plenty of room for it to be executed #in a way that fufills what im hoping for #and esp since so much is still unknown atm! im in a holding pattern basically #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e33 #spar speaks #WOW sorry this got long #am i writing this on my work break. maybe.#i looked at too much art and now ive got CR brain again #ask away!#speculation

66 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 1 day

Text

...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

4 notes · View notes

soldier-poet-king · 9 months

Text

in the saga of fran taking five billion years to finish cr2 because she’s afraid of endings. i watched another portion of the finale today. trent fight over. break reached. im just. too weak for this. i TRULY cannot bear saying goodbye to the m9. im disproportionately inconsolable

#i have been dragging out the finale for LITERALLY TWO YEARS #i have spread out the aeor arc literally that long #IT'S INSANE PERSON BEHAVIOUR #BUT ALSO IF I HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE M9 IM GOING TO FKIN.#i have grown so much in that time and it's like. saying goodbye to the piece of myself that grew there too #the not...not really hope. but the grim determination #the maybe we are both damned but maybe we can try #of caleb (and essek's) arc. even a traitor may mend. i have known one who did #of molly's leave it better than you found it #of cad. darling dearest cad. and the. one day someone will pray to the gods and you showing up will be the answer #how startling that a silly dnd campaign full of dick jokes somehow reflects this core little part of me #the ethos of what i am trying to do and be and live and exist as #walk gentle and do good and maybe we never forget the weight of my sins and the weight of my doubt and desperation #but in the meantime. roll up the sleeves. there are books to read and things to learn and good to do #franposting

8 notes · View notes

aashiqq · 1 month

Text

Even as someone who absolutely hates how the current hip-hop scene in our country works I must say I find it quite alluring

#so you just aint gotta be good at the singing part only you have to put on a show #become appealing to what the people find suitable to their aesthetic #i planned to dive into it by January but apparently ive only been dipping my toes sitting on the shore #cause im too much of a wimp and a huge procrastinator to do it #the wimp part because i cant sing for shit and even if i have 1% of the singing capabilites i *might* have inhereted from my mother #i still wont try to explore it cause “what if someone hears it and laughs?”#plus i absolutely hate how the voice in my head changes whenever i think about hip-hop it become african american bitch im indian stay desi #the indian rap scene is definitely different from the one in the us or other countries #and i should try to maybe sink my knees into it just because it actually provides a better outlet for rhymes than poetry i currently do #aint no one buying a fucking poem collection anymore #and im definitely not writing a novel with this amount of laziness that i have #i cant even fix my sleep schedule for shit #so yea #i cant sing i cant write i cant study #and i want to do all three #not just do i want to be the best #interesting how my dumbfuck brain works sometimes if i had only put so much thought into better things when it was needed #okay not diving into that train of thoughts its 4 am i have to sleep #goodbye shubhratri i hope you didnt read all of it its embarrassing #bye fr

2 notes · View notes

boxwinebaddie · 4 months

Note

AAJKSDFBSDJK IM LATE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE NINA <33 im so grateful i came across pep and found you on here, your positivity and energy always make me smile :3

(sorry for what youre about to read im sleep deprived (mixed with a mental health episode) and its hard to put coherent thoughts together so i hope it makes some sense)

ahjdfgshj okay, ive always wanted to write smt, before it was a book, then a script, then direct a movie, blahblahblah and reading your fics and things on here inspires me so much to write even if its something short! your writing just seems so free and fun, it reminds me not all writing has to be super duper seriously and fancily written, to just relax and have fun! ive been really burnt out recently from school and just mental health in general so i havent started rm yet, butttt with 6 out during my winter break im gonna start it! ive really wanted to start it since you began it so im so glad i have the motivation to now :3 ive been going through hyper fixations like whatever people finish one after another (can you tell im tired?? /sarc) but with the new special out i can sense my south park fixation creeping back up!! but yeah just seeing how optimistic and loving you are to everyone is so relieving.. again, i hope you had a FANTASTICLY WONDERFUL birthday, HYH <3

HELLO, MY PROOF THAT HEAVEN AND ANGELS EXIST! <33333

conversely, i am so touched and honored that you read peppermint <3 ( which i am so sorry, i really swear i want to update, but have had a very toxic relationship with writing in general recently ) and that you found me on my tumblr and are enjoying my silly little tumblr which!!

i just want to say i enjoy YOUR silly little tumblr very much! i know absolutely nothing about good omens or saw but literally your reblogs are so fun that i am seriously considering diving in there. we can trade hyperfixations 4 a moment should you not get yours back.

but AAAAAAAAA!!!! my friend, you are so sweet!!! tbh, i don't always feel good about my writing, but if i did feel good about something, its that it can be serious but also funny, y'know? ( bc this is all for fun! )

because where there is Darkness, please know there is always Light.

and sometimes making light of dark situations is the only way we can get through them -- but maybe thats just me coping with humor, which we can see through my weird narration. but i'm glad it thrills you!!! tbh, my sweet!!! i strive to accurately portray hard and difficult situations honestly aka the gravity, the effects they might have on you & the people around you, but also show you that these things do not make u bad bc there is light at the end of the tunnel. have hope. :)

but i am seriously honored that you have waited so long to read my silly fanfiction. & i really hope you like rm. i like it very much & it was my passion project after pep, so i hope that passion reaches you too.

i also hope that seeing so many weird random posts abt it on ur tumblr has not been too distracting or spoilery. it'll all make sense, i promise. also, i am a nervous gal so i did axe rm6 unfortunately, but i have it saved & i'm thinking of posting it in a gdoc just for all of you while i decide what i do so the ppl who enjoyed it can...still Enjoy it.

and i hope you do 2. if you want it after ur winter break read, lmk. <3

but x 2, before i go, i just want to say -- Please Write. write so many things. be so strange and weird. anything your heart desires. i know it can be nerve-wracking and weird to get started, but know that you owe it to yourself to tell the stories that live in you and while you don't have any obligation to share them with us...u'd be so generous to. :')

in short, i'm glad i inspire you, please know you inspire me just by being on my dashboard and i can't promise you that my fanfic will be even a Fraction of what you think it will be, but know regardless, the fact that you took the time to read it at all meant the World to me.

i had a lovely birthday. and every day since will be lovelier since receiving your message. if your south park hyperfixation ever returns for you, please say hi! if not, pls know that you have coaxed me towards ur hyperfixation & maybe i will b sending you asks, instead. :)

-uncle nina, bad southpark writer, good omens curiousitor?

( fake word, i think, but real sentiment if that helps <333 )

#hello my darling!!!!#you are so sweet ;-;;;;#please know that you make my dash so interesting and break up all the sp and writing posts in such a refreshing manner #i am enjoying seeing the thing u love very much on ur dashboard!!!!! it makes me happy seeing all of u happy :')))#i hope seeing mine is not too distracting or annoying #regardless it means the world to me that u think i am nice and that u enjoy my content im very excited for anything u produce #u have no obligation to send it my way but know id be delighted to read your work...or rather effortlessness #and that if u do choose to read rm i hope that you like it and that my weird posts make sense and thrill you haha #but tldr thank u for writing into me and know that even outside of ur hyperfixation im glad that i am in ur orbit :')

5 notes · View notes