#i have read peoples compassionate messages to me and im very thankful for them
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i feel kind of sick making this post so please excuse me if i sound like a rambling mess. i am not the type of person to talk in detail about my life in online places cuz i live in fear of this getting back to my abuser but shubble's story punched all my most sensitive spots and i want to talk about it
(really long sensitive post)
ive gotten kind messages from people that i havent responded to. the idea of responding to people individually kind of makes me feel sick. so im doing this instead. and im also going to vent really hard because i am not doing well and talking about this to my therapist is soul crushingly embarrassing because wilbur soot is a minecraft man and im a freshly turned 20 year old who pays rent and is respected by my therapist and i dont want to admit that i wrote fanfic about a 30 year old white boy i discovered in quarantine when i was 15. can you imagine that conversation? id have to explain what the dream smp is.
when i watched shubble's video for the first time, i was in total disbelief. i couldnt believe that wilbur soot had done these things but i knew that the liklihood of it being anyone else was pretty low. i chose to hope that the story was not about him, and that if it was that he was a reformed abuser who had reorganized his value system and respected his partners now. i had a lot expectations. then he released his statement and i was horrified. i was disappointed and kind of in denial. his statement was worse than anything i had prepared for as 'worst case scenario.' as time has passed my denial has mostly dulled but im ashamed and im embarassed and im badly triggered.
i kind of hysertically hoped that it was a sick prank that shubble and wilbur cooked up and would get horribly cancelled for, but its not a prank, theres no "haha sike" moment, and wilbur abused shelby.
his response undid me because i saw so much of my own abuse in the words he used.
abusers are really good at making people take a centrist "two sides to every story" stance. i dont know how to describe this to people who have never been abused, but i will do my best
most people are taught that when theres an argument between two people, both parties carry some amount of blame and if you want to resolve that issue, it's a good idea to look at your part in the dynamic. we're also taught to keep our disagreements between ourselves and to not involve other people in our drama.
these are sensible sentiments, but abusers are very good at manipulating these sentiments.
when a victim speaks up for themselves and they call someone an abuser, what they are saying is: "this person cruelly bullied me and hurt me and exerted control over me that i did not deserve or ask for or elicit."
that's a heavy accusation and it contradicts sentiments we are taught like "it takes two to tango" and "dont involve others with your relationship drama."
many abusers are charismatic people. id even say most. when you hear this accusation about someone you think is really cool, your natural instinct is to ask for their side of the story.
they will tell you some version of this:
"i am shocked and hurt that she would call me an abuser. we've been having relationship problems recently, and sometimes i lose my temper. im not proud of that. ive done a lot of things im not proud of. it's true that i did [insert played down act of violence] to her, but you wouldnt believe the horrible things she was saying to me. i lost control, and im so ashamed of myself."
this version of events makes the abuser seem reasonable, it makes the victim seem irrational and quick to blame and hysterical
from here, a lot of people will nod thoughtfully and go. "yeah. yeah. that makes sense. everyone has a unique perspective. the fact that shes attributing all the blame to him without recognizing her own flaws and contributions to the relationship while he does shows that hes the reasonable one here. hes such a chill guy. the things shes saying dont make sense at all. i probably wont say it to her face, but i think shes in the wrong."
wilbur's response hit all the beats im familiar with. it was so in line with everything my abuser used against me, and in line with what ive heard other victims say their abusers used against them, and in line with examples ive read and witnessed and had countless psychiatrists walk me through that reading it was like getting hit by a train.
the hope that i carried with me through that week was that wilbur was a reformed abuser. but reading that response gave me the gut wrenching confirmation that he wasnt.
thinking about it too much literally makes me sick and shaky in a way i havent experienced since my own abuser tracked me down the first time and gave me a beautifully wrapped gift. with my abuser, i had several years trapped with him where all the love i felt for him disappeared and was replaced by total hatred for everything he put me through. i wasnt expecting this from wilbur at all, and i feel fucking sick because this was a man i sincerely admired and looked up to a lot. i really liked wilbur soot. he released that response and this image in my head that i had of him was tainted by the memories of my abuser.
im reminded of one event several years ago where i was choked. i tried to ask for help but everyone who knew immediately reached out to him and asked for "his side of the story." i dont want to talk about what he did to me after that. all that matters is that in the end, no one believed me. everyone took his side over mine and insisted that i was lying or exaggerating or trying to get attention or trying to make him look bad. people who i loved and thought would always be there for me sent me paragraph long text messages calling me a bitch and a cunt. the person i loved the most in the world told me that i was out of line and said point blank that they were sorry, but couldnt believe me over the person who choked me. i had never felt so alone.
ive been having a rough time. i confided in a friend who is trying to escape his abusive husband, and he gently told me that this might mean i have "a type," meaning im naturally drawn to people who are abusive. after i escaped, i took a lot of solace in the fact that i was inspired so much by wilbur soot. i thought he was progressive and stood up for womens rights and was anti bigotry and all those lovely good things. this man i admired so much was the image of healthy, nonviolent, kind masculinity. finding out he isnt has made me question myself and my own judgment and it's making me wonder if the people i let in my life and the people im drawn to are people who i subconsciously know will hurt me.
as of now, its been a year and a half since i escaped my abusive family at 18 years old. i turned 20 like half a second ago. the past 18 months of my life have been devoted to looking into legal protection, getting therapy to undo nearly 2 decades worth of ptsd, trying to keep all my baggage to myself because i dont want to burden my friends anymore than i have, and holding down a steady job so that i can afford rent without having to rely on the parents of my friends to house and feed me and keep my location secret from an insane group of people who reeeeally want me to come back even tho im pretty sure one of them might """""accidentally"""" kill me one day
i feel ashamed and embarrassed by being this affected by wilbur soot. parasocial relationships are looked down upon and i feel like the perfect stereotype of a hysterical, delusional teenager / young lady finding out that her hero is "a flawed human being, just like you and me - seriously, what did you expect?!"
i already see people jumping to his defense, although i try to look away because that is also extremely triggering for me.
it is hard not to acknowledge wilbur's humanity, and i want to clarify that i do feel compassion for the amount of death threats, doxing, and isolation he is undoubtedly experiencing right now. no matter what you do, i dont believe that retributive justice or revenge is a proactive, sane response. i am sincerely worried that he will either try to kill himself as a last ditch attempt for sympathy OR that he will actually just kill himself from the public shaming. i do not want him to experience a mental health crisis and i do not want him to die, even tho he has horribly disappointed me and reminded me of so many bad things
this was kind of an insane post. im ready for it to get 1 note and then experience a horrifying amount of embarrassment as i realize that people read this and know disgusting amounts about me as a person, but i want to share my experience as someone who has been abused. i want to offer solace to people who are in the same boat and possibly reach someone who might have otherwise believed wilbur was telling the truth.
i want to end this post on a positive note, so im going to share some naive hope ive been repeating to myself for the past few days
i hope that people believe shubble. i hope she finds comfort and compassion and healing. i hope she can internalize that what happened to her was not her fault. i hope she lives a happy life surrounded by people who see her and care about her
i hope that the people close to wilbur make him confront this side of himself. i hope he fixes his abuse problem and reorganizes his values. i hope his network of people is strong enough not to abandon him entirely but to intervene and make him work on himself. i hope he stays alive and i hope that he becomes an advocate for abused women
this was cheesy and unrealistic but ive been sending my hope into the universe and trying not to shut down because i dont know what else to do and my two hours of government issued weekly ptsd therapy is already devoted to the horrible things i experienced firsthand
anyway
as far as my fanfiction goes???? i dont fucking know.
im not going to delete it. im definitely taking a break and at least stepping into a pause so i can properly reflect on what to do in the meantime. as a musician and writer and creative in general, i was inspired by many aspects of wilbur soot for years and i need a second to chill out and get a hold of myself
maybe ill complete my work. if i do ill upload the finished products in one go and probably orphan them. and maybe delete my ao3 account. god knows at this point
i am still cringing so hard at myself for making this post. it's very emotional and i try to sell myself as serious, intellectual person. maybe this post will be received great or badly or just be ignored. in any case ill be embarrassed so it doesnt really matter how anyone feels about me after this. if you took the time to read, thank you for hearing me out. and if you didnt, im glad that i got a little catharsis
#wilbur soot#im embarassed of myself#whatever#wilbur situation#shubble supprt#cw domestic violence#i feel sick after typing this#this was basically a diary entry#tldr wilbur soot reminds me of my own experience of abuse and i think i wanna throw up#cw abuse#oh god goodnight everyone#i have read peoples compassionate messages to me and im very thankful for them#it has been very sweet and helpful cuz this isnt smth i share to my offline friends so i havent gotten my usual support and affection#thank you to people who are being nice to me
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Heey Suzie, im a big fan of your writing! Including “Between the Shadow and the Soul” , which is easily my favorite fanfic lately, and I wanted to ask you if you are still going to continue it because I, and many other people, love it very dearly, and it would be a shame for a master piece to go unfinished. Please think about continuing it for you fans. Love you 🥰
This is an incredibly old ask and I’m relatively sure you’re into other fandoms and things now. First, thank you for the love and the kind words. However, I wanted to answer this because of something specific in this message: “Please think about continuing it for you fans.”
I’ve been thinking about some things that I need to get off my chest here, the reason why I’ve been away from Tumblr and, honestly, why I will continue to be pretty minimal in my activity on the site.
First and foremost, there’s something I should state - almost everyone in my family, including myself, is in a service career. Nurses, teaching, the clergy…those professions are very normal to go into in our family. And it’s also very much the norm in our family to put others before ourselves, to help whenever we can. I’m not saying this to brag, it’s a fact. And it’s also a fact that we are so ingrained to perform services for others above anything else that we often neglect our own personal needs and health and self care.
One of my biggest struggles is being a people pleaser and needing validation from others. Unfortunately both of these traits have led me down some very detrimental paths, and I turned to very unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with it. I’ve grown enough and have learned enough to understand that self care is just as important as service, that setting boundaries isn’t selfish, and that one can be compassionate without letting themselves be consumed in the process.
How does this relate to this ask, to me not being on Tumblr?
Tumblr was where I got almost all of my social interactions, the one place I could cut loose with other people. I had genuine friendships on here, very close relationships. The Strange Magic Fandom experience was a heady, loving and beautiful one, and it was a huge part of my life, as were the people I met through it. It was my everything, even through the longest, darkest depressive period I’ve ever had.
Time went on, as it does, and people came in and out of the fandom, but I had my close friends and all was good. Until I noticed after a few weeks that they weren’t interacting with my personal posts like they used to. They weren’t as constant as they had been.
I felt left behind, rejected, overlooked. I was asking myself, what I had done? Did I fail them in some way? What way? Was it the fact I wasn’t creating content? Did they finally realize I wasn’t worth their time?
I was deep in an anxiety spiral, and my self loathing was in full force. Each time I went on Tumblr and saw these people interacting and posting with others but not me, it hissed at me that was reminded how I was no longer important, how I would always be left behind unless I was putting others first, “you can only use the depression period as an excuse for so long…”
For my mental and emotional health, I stepped away from Tumblr. I spent the next few months reading and working out and drawing and hiking and working and living my life. Those months turned into years. And I didn’t feel the need to come back, dive in as deeply as I had. The hurt had caused the departure, but now I recognized something else.
I was making Tumblr my haven of validation. My whole self worth was tied to it. And when I didn’t create fanfics or update them, I thought I was failing my friends, exposing myself as a subpar artist, a bad person.
When I wasn’t. And I’m not.
My stories are deeply personal, and I pour myself into them. And that takes time. And I have a life to lead along with all that.
The saying “write for yourself” is an odd one - I believe it and I don’t. Creators need feedback, interactions with what they create. It helps their process and inspires them. When I read a book or go see a movie, I’m inspired by it. Creativity fuels creativity.
Fanfiction has a blessing and the bane of being able to directly communicate with the author. The comments of those who read my fanfics are deeply deeply deeply treasured by me. I can’t even begin to say how much they mean to me.
My stories are personal but I share them because I want to. People see themselves echoed in stories, and that’s why they matter. I want to share my stories because I want to give others the same experiences I’ve had reading stories.
So I do write for people in that I share my stories. But I also write for myself. I write because the words won’t leave me, because the scenes keep playing in my head, because I want to chase after all the questions. I write to get the damn thing out of my head and onto the page so I finally have space in my skull. I write to satisfy my soul, hungry hungry hungry thing that it is.
But I have learned a hard lesson, and I know myself better now then I did when I started posting fanfiction. And while I’m absolutely certain it was not intended in such a way, “continuing it for you fans” is something I will not set store in because I’ve been down that path. I don’t like what it did to me, what I did to myself.
I plan to continue my stories. But I will no longer apologize for taking my time with them because it is just that: mine.
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i started watching because of you and i did not expect to cry so hard over the main character's dad. don't get me wrong, the angst and romance drama is very sad and secondhand embarrassment too but what apparently hits me the hardest rn is the dad stuff. i don't know much about thai society but i can guess they value family a lot and being a sudden orphan must have nerfed the main character's confidence even more
oh also pear is really cute we love to see a girl winning. you go get that education and the life you deserve! im hoping for her sake the writers will be compassionate to her in the ending however that works out. she's so kind to everyone, please be kind to her. it's not her fault she has a somewhat crush on her childhood best friend. that's quite a long time to get to know someone
i also feel bad for the angsty guy like when he showed up drunk the day of the wedding i wanted to close the blinds and give him water. call his heart a fiddle the way he's being played/strung along rn. ten years ago i probably would have read sad angst fics of him and cried for him because he's so obvious about his feelings but clueless guy is so oblivious. but i don't think those secondhand emotions will hit until clueless guy is enlightened so im happy to postpone all of that for later. clueless guy really is quite the train wreck.who knew time wizards could fix light-up snow globes? i want a snow globe that lights up AND plays music. in the show they think it's cheap but that is combining several snowglobe selling points into one. in addition to having fake snow in the sculpture ball!!!!!!
i don't really know what else to say so far im not caught up yet but thanks for exposing me to this. oh also! it's funny they included a cat food commercial in the show. they really know their demographic lol
First of all, I really appreciate you anon sharing your impressions of Be My Favorite with me - but I couldn't be more perplexed when the first message came in without warning and NOTHING indicated me that you were talking about BMF and not some random time wizard shops xDD
Anyway, now that I'm on the same page -- YOU GET IT! Anon, you get it. I'm not watching BMF as much for the romance and everything, as I'm watching it to see all character's development (which is done so great) and damn, all the scenes and flashbacks of Kawi, the clueless guy, with his dad are just so. Hitting right in your heart :')))
Not just Thai society, basically in Asian culture they value family and traditions very strongly! (as opposed to western's individualism etc). You can see a lot of Thai, Korean, Japanese series incorporate it so well with showing hierarchy between people, dependence from parents -- but also caring about each other, sticking close with your family and wanting to put all effort into managing that bond. It even extends to other people outside of the family, people being affectionate and bonding with one another and calling their friends family or caring for strangers and helping them because they remind them of their relatives etc.
Sorry for the sidetracking xD Pear is absolutely loveable person but all the characters so far in this series are grey, there is no fully bad or fully good person.👀 I'm really curious to see whether they'll go with Pear.
Clueless guy is maturing with full speed. Pisaeng also found the courage in Kawi and now he'll stand up hopefully to own his life and be confident about it. They all grow and hopefully they'll take care of each other, as it seem to be the message of the show. But... There are still few episodes left and damn, let's get ready for even more angst xD
I'm happy that you were motivated to watch Be My Favorite because of my posts! I feel bad sometimes for spamming but the quality, the production, the storytelling is done SO WELL in this series that I cannot help but share and share. Because it's a rare thing nowadays and I'm excited. I literally have no complains about this show at all, I'm fascinated to dig and interpret every single detail.
New episode is coming today! Have fun watching!
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♥️ Hello there! how have you been? I hope you've been well <333!
I'd like to participate in your "How will your Valentine's Day be like?" game, tysm for this lovely opportunity :3.
♥️ password : 🌷
♥️ my initials : C.C
♥️ The 2 PAC's that you created that completely tugged my heart (like no other boy has 😀...lol jk *I think*) :
"what sort of gift you are to people around you?"
for this PAC, I chose pile 2, and I resonated so SOO much to this reading that the beautiful words written in this reading (along the photos taken) became entirely unforgettable- like there would be times where I would just search around for PAC's to read (for both entertainment purposes and just b/c it's uplifting in ways I think others can relate to) and I would think back to "that one PAC" which would be this PAC b/c of how heard I felt. This reading really, and specifically, described who I was as a person and the kinds of genuine and compassionate intentions I intend to express/show. I felt heard since there would be times where I'd fear that my intentions or my actions are misinterpreted by others, so I stress and emphasize the acts of kindness (possibly to a fault), and knowing that I'm doing enough that it's seen by others, makes me happy. so thank you <3.
" 'you keep me awake at night,' they said but why? how?"
for this PAC, I also chose pile 2! ... okay so UH LOL, I'm a sucker for the PAC's that centers romance/FS (and I try not to rely my hopes for romance in the future on the FS pac's no worries!), but it also roots from the very fact that I'm a hopeless romantic as a whole, so yeah! when you posted this PAC, although I'm a single pringle, I just asked my guides this PAC's question regarding my FS ahah. I liked this reading the most because the illustrations you drew comforted me in a way- like it felt nostalgic (since as a child I drew the simple flowers and the such with vibrant colors, so I felt like it would be wrong to bypass this post that brought me a sense of peace and comfort), so I went towards this post and voila the reading I read made me smile. It made me smile the way I would have whenever I got boba tea LMAO. The reading for pile 2 felt like this calming and oh-so-loving message that felt like it was meant to be read. I love knowing what it would be like between me and my FS, and I've realized a funny pattern whenever I chose a pile from PAC's centering FS, and one of those patterns was in this reading, so it kind of was like a "ding ding 🛎️ confirmation perhapsssss?" YEP MHM :3 (I totally am not rereading this PAC or anything AHAH..*I am*)
I unfortunately don't have insta anymore so I can't follow you on instagram, but I sure hope and wish for any passerby to take interest in following your page, b/c I'm certain it's as lovely as your Tumblr page!!!
(wow this is spooky but I went on my love-playlist on Spotify and the song "Valentine" by Laufey just came on ERM? 😳 LIKE IM NOT EVEN KIDDING)
Also, I'm aware of the instructions I've followed, but I hope it's alright for me to add onto something of my own! I felt called to do this, so don't worry, I don't have any malice or suspicious intentions if that's what you could be wary about (I'm adding onto this heads up because I'm scared myself that my actions could be misinterpreted or some sort :'D). I just feel like I should input some songs that remind me of you (vibe/energy-wise) :
Love Affair by UMI
Irene by Jimmy Brown
Love Talk by WayV
Fukashigi No Carte
Comedy (Spy x Family)
I chose these songs because the majority of them is melodic, cheery/cutesy, and has a lot of depth and meaning in the lyrics. BUT although that's kind of the "majority" of it, the song that contradicts the cutesy parts of the songs would be "Love Talk" by WayV, because well if you listen to it and the meaning/implication of the lyrics- THEN WELL YEAH LMAO. Basically I'm trying to say that that's how your energy/overall vibe feels to me. It's like a duality of this soft/calming aura (which I felt strongly from your page's format/design) that is contradicted and mixed with this straightforward/direct and slightly impulsive aspect of yours (but it's like a very welcoming energy! which led to me following you tbh).
♥️
ANYWAYSSS have a wonderful day/evening/night wherever you are! Thank you so much for your time and energy, and I hope you take care too <3333, happy Chinese Valentine's Day as well!!
Thank you for your feedback! I enjoy reading them to the point idk how to put them into words, and thank you for the songs! I'll prolly drop by later to let you know what I think about them but I listened to them when I do your reading so... Yeah it's fun! Also I get what you mean with the duality. I wanted to have a soft aesthetic but me? Nothing soft about me I’m just a chaotic ball of fun and light hehet!
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How will Xiexieera's Valentine's be?
You: Temperance
This card legit flipped. Like it slid out from my hands, flipped flopped and dropped itself perfectly on the part/place I wanted it to be. It’s my first time seeing a card drop itself so prettily and gracefully. And that talks about your energy, about you during your Valentine’s Day. There’s this balance and grace that you have, where you’re very conscious about what you can do, what effects you have on your person, how you want to proceed with the relationship. There’s actually another Temperance card in your spread and hence, the theme of balance and moderation is very significant in your relationship. I’m seeing more of a balance with yourself instead of a balanced give-and-take with your person.
I have a feeling that you are excited for the date with your person (I’m seeing day time instead of night so maybe you have the day off or it’s on a weekend?). You probably haven’t met them in a long while and things may have been stagnant? Which is why the excitement. I’m seeing that you dress up really, really nice, like a princess, but deep in you, you’re an empress. So it’s like… Lemme reconstruct my words. You may dress slightly younger than your age, which you definitely can pull off. But there’s this matured and gentle energy that you have below the excitement. I’m feeling a warm and gentle energy here. This would probably be you during then. You’ve been through a lot and this relationship helped you to find your personal alignment, allowed you to heal, and you’ve been content with this relationship you’re in. Satisfied, comfortable, being in your skin have never felt this good to you. For some reason, god knows why, I’m seeing a bowling date. I don’t know why. But it explains a bit, where you may wear something sporty and makes you look younger than your actual age.
Them: The Sun
They’ve been wanting to spend some alone time with you from the crowd at school/work. Things have been rough on their side as well and also within themselves, where it’s like they’re also fixing whatever issues they’re facing. There’s some sort of personal alignment here, although they’re pretty much in their head. But there’s also a Lover’s card here which definitely talks about the relationship as a destined relationship (there’s a Destiny card here too). I’m seeing that this person is pretty young at heart but still has a grounded energy to them, tho the fiery energy stands out more lmAO. They can be pretty proud at times so you gotta make sure to not feed their ego too much. Even with all these, your person loves you and has always been there for you. They’ve been waiting for you and they’re basically over the moon when you’ve agreed to date them, and they really have worked hard to earn your approval.
I think you’re the one who suggested the bowling date cuz you noticed how they’ve been stressed up and you just want them to relax. You sometimes take up the caretaker role and make sure that they’re taking care of themselves. I don’t know why but I’m seeing that this person may be younger than you hELP.
Overall: The Devil
I don’t see any spicy energy from this card. Most probably one of you has Capricorn placements. That’s all I can capture from this. But then, I do have extra messages. This date will bring you much bliss and limitless joy, and most of all, it will make you both review the purpose of this relationship you both share. You’ve been there for each other with willing hearts and hands, and that you’ve focused on the wholeness of the relationship. But, have you focused on each other and yourself individually? This is something to think about. But your person, oh my, aren’t they romantic. “Hug me, hold me, love me like your life depends on it.” Imagine you hugging them tightly, they’ll prolly end up in tears from how you hugged them.
You’ve prolly been worried and having some fears due to them being younger but whatever they do just assures you that they love you a lot. They’ve been wanting to ask you out quite some time ago before you date, even during the dating phase as well, worried that you’ll be too busy to entertain them, which explains why they may end up in tears from you hugging them hshshshs. You probably know them from a shared community so there’s something to watch for. And they prolly like sending you cheesy messages. Very air kinda energy. I’m basically picking up random messages instead of Valentine’s only right now.
Love Message : I love you. I’m always here for you.
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Thank you for reading until the end! Hope you enjoyed the reading and please leave feedbacks for this OvO You can leave them in my inbox so I can tag them accordingly
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hello! id like to submit an entry for the twisted wonderland match up! :-)
about me;
- im gay + trans masc
- interests and hobbies; haute couture + avant garde fashion shows, alternative fashion (vkei, scemo, goth..), drawing, painting, clothes-making, embroidery, reading, writing, politics, philosophy and ethics, jewelery-making, films, papercraft, sculpting, any artistic hobby under the sun you bet my ass would do
- personality;
- i'm shy and keep to myself in most situations, but i can be charismatic and funny around trusted friends. i like making new friends and getting to know people; i admire outgoing and passionate people the most.
- i'm emotionally self-aware (i pride myself the most with this)-- i understand myself very well, so i can communicate pretty clearly with others.
- i avoid judging people for trivial matters. we are all cringe and we are FREE!!
- i'm non-tolerant of bigoted beliefs and unafraid to confront them. my moral compass is pretty strong?
- i'm always striving to be the best version of myself, though i do have some very deep-rooted insecurities about myself at all times.
- i'm dedicated and hardworking when focused on something i care about, but i struggle with my attention span.
- i'm patient and hard to anger, but easily irritated.
- i like learning new things! so i like listening to people talk a bout obscure and niche things.
- i really. really like people. i like the sounds of people and the love people share and the fun they have and how different they are. they're very interesting and i like discussing deeper topics with them, but this makes me rather awkward in new friendships because i just get right down into the nitty gritty of it :[
appearance;
- im 5'7, pale, dark-haired (i have a mullet. a wolfcut?? with an undercut. biblically accurate haircut). im pretty neutral with my appearance but i like my pear figure!
- i have high cheekbones, a square jaw, double lid eyes, a high nosebridge, and my lips have no cupids bow. i take pretty good care of my lip skin tho so i have that going on for me lmfao
trivia;
- im horribly and horrendously picky with my food i would NAWT survive in the wild
- my natural sleep schedule consists of sleeping at 10 am and waking up at 6pm
- i like watching analysis videos/video essays, documentaries, studies, etc etc but my memory is worse than the most arthritis ridden goldfish so i dont retain it either way
thank you for your time!
ahahaha i missed a few things to add for my match up request! my bad! my og request states i am mlm trans masc; im the 5'6 guy. i would like a romantic match up, and i believe ive already some of my positive traits, but for a comprehensive list;
- positive traits
1. compassionate/considerate/understanding
2. patient
3. earnest
4. witty/humorous
5. honest/open with my emotions and thoughts
6. pragmatic romantic
7. curious
8. hardworking/competent
9. self-reflective
- negative traits
1. flighty? (i tend to disappear off the face of the earth and not tell anyone)
2. jealous
3. impulsive
4. insecure
5. disorganized
6. perfectionist
7. rigid (to change in structures-- i need it to function or ill become extremely stressed)
8. forgetful
(2/2)
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Hey, Devin here!
Unfortunately, I can't do this request because it went over my word limit. I checked your first message to my inbox and it's already over 400 words. If you want a request done, make sure you adhere to any limitations that I have specified in my rules.
If you're still interested, please rewrite or subtract things so that it will be within limit.
If you have any more questions, refer to my pinned post for more of my matchup rules.
Thank you and I hope that you have a wonderful day.
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1/7 MM okay gotcha gotcha. I was thinking about this on a smaller scale, where i don't think discussing racism in supernatural should be "fun and interesting" (phrase you used in your original post that rubbed me the wrong way b/c [hot take] I don't think racist tropes reminiscent of the Birth of a Nation and the policing of poor black communities are fun and interesting. they're horrible. but, like you said, we shouldn't shy away from horrible things), but no yeah i get what you're saying about
2/7 people showing the same enthusiasm, willing participation, and depth when talking about this stuff as w/gender&sexuality. I agree with that AND it's important to keep in mind, especially with a fanbase that's largely white, whom these analyses are for and who is writing them (b/c a white person's racial reading isn't the same as a bipoc's). But, again, that's on the smaller scale, which appears to have more to do with personal accountability and discussion norms.
3/7 AND i also get what you're saying about using the entirety of supernatural to examine "american attitudes about the Other" and how that needs to be broken down in ethnic/racial/culture identities just as it is with queer indentities and yes i agree. as for the marketing/monetary engagement thing, i may have been speaking out of turn there because i don't know a ton about marketing or audience appeal and i also wasn't invested in all the spn meta/BTS stuff until recently.
4/7 what I said was purely my observations of the very specific 'spn renaissance' tumblr circle, which appeared different from the, say, twitter circles that pay for merch and whatnot (again, this may not be accurate, it's just from what i've seen). HOWEVER, that being said, if we're speaking specifically about the long-term, /larger/ cultural impact supernatural has, I 100% agree that it needs to be recognized and condemned as a racist and all-around patriarchal show. I did forget that spn made
5/7 so many headlines about both queerbaiting and having a queer character or whatever, and the same headlines need to be made about how it treats bipoc and other minorities. Although supernatural is a mess and considered cringey and a dead horse, it still holds a significant amount of power and (at least some) reputability in media. and this is all despite its misogyny and homophobia and cisheteronormativity (this is the case for so many shows, not just spn). I guess i was just concerned about
6/7 'ok, what if mainstream starts having these conversations about racism very specifically in a way that normalizes it and makes it seem hatecrime-but we'll-allow-it,' so now we have this monster of a show that KNOWS it's racist but doesn't really care. But it's equally as terrible to not point it out. But it doesn't matter anyways, because the show is over now, and it's not like they're gonna give reparations to the actors they killed and the people they hurt. your point about us having these
7/7 conversations (in a way that does not make it seem like like fun ideas to ponder over) being the only thing we CAN do to lessen the power the White Narrative of Supernatural (both meta and in-text) really resonates, and i hadn't thought of that but i totally agree. in other words lmao, fuck this show
yeah “fun” might’ve been the wrong word choice for all the reasons u gave i really didn’t mean to trivialize racism as a discussion and i see what u mean especially w how people have responded to the homophobia of supernatural me included like saying oh its homophobic but its funny so it’s fine and ur absolutely right that we Cant allow the discussion of race to go the same way (and honestly ur intuition was right bc in the tags of that post theres white people saying we SHOULD take it as lightly as the homophobia). so yeah the phrasing was my bad
but my general point stands. like i personally find it really fulfilling and interesting to talk abt how supernatural (and other fiction) replicates these american ideas about the Other bc supernatural is a FASCINATING microcosm of american culture (and of course in part bc i Am an american other)! and that post was mostly in response to how white fans seem to shy away from these extremely complex and interesting conversations bc they consider discussion of racism a chore like something they Have to do so they can say “it was bad that they killed off kevin tran. see i engaged critically! now back to the meta that relates to Me and My experiences”
and of course the analysis that becomes generally accepted and talked abt by fans shapes the actual presence of the show in pop culture. so we should do our best to write good and thoughtful and compassionate analysis of EVERY aspect of the text, especially one so deeply embedded as the race element.
basically yeah ur right and i think we pretty much agree. fuck this show! thank you for sending me these messages by the way im glad we could talk this out :)
#i think this might actually be the most productive conversation ive ever had abt a piece of fiction lmfao#asks#crit
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“Oblivious” Arthur Pendragon x Reader
(Anon asked: ‘“wow. Im so oblivious.” For Arthur pendragon? AS FLUFFY AS POSSIBLE PLEASE!’
Thank you for requesting. Here we go! I sort of merged funny and fluffy in this one. I hope it’s entertaining! Arthur really isn’t one to say his feelings right off the bat.
Word Count: 1,568)
Fingers moving almost on their own accord you were rearranging items on display for purchase for perhaps the third time that morning. You did your best to occupy yourself even as your thoughts deemed too loud. It wasn’t always that way.
Your days were usually spend creating artisan creations such as bracelets and necklaces being your most popular items.
“How come you never mix the colors around?” Merlin piped up.
The manservant leaned against your station watching you sort the crafts again.
“If you mean display them randomly? I don’t like it. It’s too chaotic for trying to appeal to others. Once they’re bought they can be put any which way someone chooses.”
The boy nodded in understanding. He normally was the type to be open-minded and not judge too harshly as long as you were compassionate.
Being friends with Merlin as an adventure in itself. You were never quite sure if he was up to something on purpose or by chance. He was always kind to you if not accompanying a sarcastic attitude at times. You knew he meant well even if that meant teasing you a little.
Despite minor teasing, you trust Merlin, enough so that he knew about your large crush on Arthur Pendragon. The prince was quite friendly with you whether you talked in person or Merlin related a message. You were too indecisive to call Prince Arthur your friend considering his status, you had some underlying worry considering other’s opinions. Your crush was reasonable except that it was not entirely a crush anymore and was something else entirely.
Your friend Merlin knew almost as soon as you did how you felt. Yet it wasn’t simple to have strong feelings in Camelot. Being that Arthur was still a prince and King Uther ruled above all in Camelot, there was a problem in terms of safety.
How were you even suppose to know if Prince Arthur saw you as anything more than a merchant? How could any of it be possible in Camelot?
Merlin had some ideas.
“Are you busy later?” Merlin asked hurriedly. “After lunch?”
“Merlin!”
“Oh! No, no! Not like that.” He cleared his throat. “I have a plan. If you’re willing.”
“A plan? A plan for what? Merlin, that sounds anxiety written already.”
“I can get you inside the castle and there you can both talk. Sort things out. Express your feelings.”
You knew instantly to whom he was referring to.
“Can’t I just send him flowers? That sounds much easier. Not to mention less risky, Merlin.” You hissed.
“I know. I know. Just trust me on this. I promise everything will work out according to plan.”
“Which is what exactly?”
During the mid afternoon you found yourself trailing behind Merlin inside of the castle of all places. Not one person gave you so much as a side glance.
It truly was busy in there.
Not to forget that you were with Merlin.
Did anyone pay much attention to him? He did have a partial claim to be called a fool by some in Camelot.
You weren’t about to question him. Through it all, you were the one who would be out of place.
“If I get hung for this, give everything I have to Gaius and Gwen.”
Merlin went to open his mouth, but you cut him off with a sharp look.
“Everything will be fine,” he lead you around another corner, “we’re simply walking through.”
“Right.”
It took a lot in you to keep yourself from turning around and bailing. There was still doubt you needed to brush off as you made your way to see Arthur.
Pacing. Pacing around the table, pacing across the floor, pacing by the windows in his chambers, and becoming irritated with himself with each step.
Arthur Pendragon was not one who enjoying waiting. As each minute went by his thoughts teetered between positive and negative outcomes. He was still unsure if it was a good idea to tell Merlin how he felt about you. Arthur was serious about his feelings, however that didn’t mean that anything could work out. Could it?
The prince knew that expressing his feelings to you or perhaps asking you on an outing was a large step in a future he truly hoped to have. Seeing your bright smile, hearing your laugh, and conversing with you as simply people was what brought warmth to his heart.
Growing a love and relationship in Camelot while being prince would be tricky. But for you, Arthur was willing to be strategic to keep you safe. Laws or none about royalty being with those of lower status.
Pushing the wooden door open, Merlin walked himself and you inside of a large room.
“Merlin, whe—You came.”
Prince Arthur stood in the middle of his chambers with his blue eyes set on you.
You gave a small wave.
“Hello,” you smiled.
Merlin cleared his throat as he crossed his arms and looked at Arthur expectantly.
“What?” The prince glanced over to the brunette.
“Do I have to do everything? You said that you would talk to (Y/N). Well?”
“Right.” He coughed, “I did.”
“You did,” Merlin stood like a chaperone with two children.
You looked between the two boys with mild humor. The two of them together never seemed to offer a dull moment.
Arthur’s hands wrung together as his eyes flicked between you and elsewhere in the room.
Waiting for Arthur to speak first caused your stomach to flutter. You had no idea what he would say and Merlin had already informed you that Arthur was going to be doing the talking.
“Arthur?” You spoke up, urging him to speak.
The prince pulled at his shirt sleeves as he finally kept his gaze on you.
Merlin rolled his eyes.
“Good afternoon,” Arthur greeted you.
“Good afternoon, Arthur.”
Merlin tapped his boot in a rapid rhythm.
“How are you?”
“I’m well. Business as usual today. Nothing too exciting. And you?”
“Busy. Very busy with….princely….duties.”
Merlin threw his head back and spoke through his frustration, “You both fancy each other.”
You glanced wide-eyed at your friend.
Was that entirely necessary?
“You couldn’t have given me five minutes?” Arthur turned to his manservant.
“At the rate you two were going it would have taken a month,” Merlin retorted.
“Thanks, Merlin,” you wrung your hands together.
Your gaze fell to Arthur’s spotless brown boots.
“Your turn (Y/N),” Merlin looked at you and gestured to Arthur.
“Alright. Er…”
“About how you like him even though he’s a knight,” he whispered poorly.
“Being a knight isn’t a downfall, Merlin. Arthur’s—,” you looked to said knight, “you’re a great person regardless of your status and…I think you’re really sweet.”
Arthur smiled.
“As long as your ego doesn’t entirely inflate your head.”
The prince frowned towards Merlin, “did you tell her that.”
“Once or twice.”
“I…,” you bit your lip briefly before continuing, “I really like you and I see you as more than a friend.”
Arthur remained standing with both you and Merlin, mouth open in wonder.
“Wow.” Arthur put his hands onto his hips, “I’m so oblivious.”
Merlin turned to you, “I guess you should have gave him the flowers, then at least he would have gotten the right message.”
“I would have had to hand deliver them apparently,” you murmured with a smirk.
“Hey.” Arthur looked between you both.
“Sorry. I didn’t say it was a bad thing,” you were quick to point out.
“Yes, but…would you really have given me flowers?”
“I would if given a good talk first. There’s nothing wrong with giving you flowers, is there?”
Merlin bit back a grin as Arthur stood there with a mixture of thoughts running through his mind.
“I….I guess not.”
“So you wouldn’t have minded me giving you flowers even though it would be stepping out of my stature?”
Arthur’s shoulders relaxed and took a step towards you.
“I wouldn’t turn away from you giving me flowers.”
A bright grin framed your relieved face.
Merlin took the chance to leave. Slipping away quietly and out of sight.
Arthur looked upon you in awe.
“I wasn’t sure if you would have feelings for me at all.” He took another step.
“Stating my feelings so bluntly wasn’t the smartest thing to do. You have responsibilities and I really should be following the laws to their every point. Thinking I could even have a real chance given the opinions of our king is quite stupid on my part.”
Arthur stepped closer still, in your personal space.
“You are not stupid. Your feelings are worth more than a law and I don’t think you’ll have to worry about my father for a while.”
“Why not?”
“He has other business to pay attention to,” Arthur’s eyes glanced lowered than your eyes.
“But you—.”
With lips soft and lips chapped, the prince of Camelot kissed you just like that.
Questions were stopped in their long building line in your mind and your eyes slowly closed. Touch became the ruling sense in the short moments Arthur took in altering the subject.
When his lips had left yours, you found his hands cradling your face gently. A tenderness in his blue eyes ensured you only good things were sure to follow.
With a smile, you rested your hands over his chest.
“I guess I should thank Merlin.”
“Who?”
~~~
(If you love my writings and want to support me, I have a Ko-Fi where you can buy me a coffee. I would be eternally grateful.
coffee
Best wishes and happy reading.)
#requested#where dreamers go#bbc merlin#bbc merlin fanfiction#prince arthur#prince Arthur pendragon#sassy merlin#sarcastic merlin#Arthur Pendragon#Arthur Pendragon x reader#king arthur#arthur pendragon imagine#insert reader#knight of camelot#camelot#funny#fluffy
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Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!
LETS DO THIS
99 gay-ish asks
how tall are you?5 SOMETHING
what is your body type?SLENDERMAN
what is your favorite part about your body?THE T
is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES
are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY
are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH
are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE
wine mom or vodka aunt?NO
weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR
favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL
do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR
ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON
are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES
have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO
do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART
have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY
favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM
last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND
behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD
favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER
meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION
reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS
who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS
what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT
have you ever taken narcotics?NO
have you had sex?NO
have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES
worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS
describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME
describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT
give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD
how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH
what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK
what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE
what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF
have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL
something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM
last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD
what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT
do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY
who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU
the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO
are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.
are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES
i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING
describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH
do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO
first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS
how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.
been rejected by a crush?YES
have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES
would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO
is trust a big issue for you?YES
did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO
is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE
what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW
would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP
does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT
ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION
do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS
worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM
three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH
who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME
favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND
who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING
intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND
what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY
do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES
are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT
who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL
do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY
is your crush wlw?IDK
last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY
write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU
do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE
is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.
are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO
are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.
what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS
fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE
tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD
hugs or kisses?HUGS
twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE
tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH
hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK
play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR
making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT
hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST
how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT
when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL
have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES
how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE
most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER
do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM
what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY
when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE
what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE
ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY
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( cindy kimberly. twenty-three. cisfemale. she/her. ) ❛ ELLIS LAWRENCE, a virgo from lyon, france, moved into holloway six months ago. they are a journalist & musician that lives in apartment 4d here and their neighbors don’t particularly mind them. some say they can be -egotistical and -indecisive but others say they’re +compassionate and +endearing. anyways, one thing is for sure: you hear woman by harry styles, it’s ELLIS blasting it. ( penned by cel, eighteen, pst. )
hiii guys, i'm cel ! i'm here to bring you my know-it-all dork, ELLIS ! i haven’t been in a group rp in a hot minute but i’m seriously so excited for this rp. i prefer she/her pronouns, i’m the biggest lorde / khalid stan ever, & i love tea. if you'd like to plot, my im's are always open or just ask for my discord ! or *youtuber vc* smash that like button & i'll msg you ♡
introducing ... ELLIS LAWRENCE !
just think: satin shirts, wire framed reading glasses, a stack of unread newspapers, an endless love of love, red lipstick messages on mirrors, annotations written all over worn out books, sleeping with not a single bit of clothing, the smell of lavender & honey, glasses of red wine in the bath, bowls of cherries & pomegranate seeds, black lacy lingerie, red glossy heels that match red glossy lips, the sweet sound of a piano playing in the middle of the night, light makeup on dewy skin, knee high heeled boots, velvet dresses, going braless because why not, delicate fingers flipping through record players, dainty golden jewelry, the sweet taste of jasmine iced tea. more on her PINTEREST BOARD.
on september ninth, ellis was born into this little family in a small house in lyon, france, with one mother, one father, and one older half-sister. her & her sister were extremely close when they were younger, but as they got older they never really got along after that. they argued constantly & fought until her sister finally moved out & ellis never saw her again.
her relationship with her parents was only slightly different. she loves them dearly but they also tended to argue with her & were very judgmental of her actions. they love her regardless, & they always said they were only hard on her because they cared, but she’s very angry with her parents for the way they treated her at times
she loves france sosososoo much. france has always been her home & she’s always loved every bit of it, from the museums to the food to the language. she’s also secretly good at driving stick but never drives, usually walks everywhere even if the distance is like miles & miles, she’ll still walk it.
ellis had always been in love with playing the guitar, piano, & singing. she participated in school talent shows & was never really afraid of being herself. now, she sings in bars & tries her best to get herself some gigs & is constantly writing songs in this leather journal that she never lets out of her sight
she has a degree in english literature which she got while studying in barcelona & staying with her aunt there ( who she adores ). as soon as she turned eighteen, she dipped to spain just because she didn’t want to have to deal with her family’s disappointment in her & what she was pursuing.
she considers it her sort of backup in case the music thing doesn’t work out. she’s incredibly determined though, but she’s also a meticulous planner & loves traveling so much. she’s traveled all over most of europe, so she knows spanish pretty well too. currently she’s a journalist & does some freelance writing projects to pay the bills. & now she moved her because she thought she really needed to chill on the traveling & find something permanent to really try & get somewhere with her future
her power color is seriously red. she’s always wearing red lipstick & always tries to incorporate red into her outfits & her favorite flowers are red roses. she loves thrift shopping, hanging out in dumb hipster cafes, listening to classic rock on her record player, & is suuuuuch a romantic but can be a huge player lmao. she tends to get bored easily & randomly breaks up with someone if she doesn’t like something about them. a huge romantic but looks for love in the worst places
she can be a bit flighty & impulsive but she means well & cares so much for her friends. like, loyal as hell & would die for someone she cares about. also tends to be a bit more masculine than people expect & loves wearing suits & those button-down shirts you know which ones fjdkjd ( also coughs bi as hell )
loading ... SOME IDEAS !
a friends with benefits: pretty self explanatory. ellis would probably consider it a sort of fling as she does with many of her relationships.
unrequited / requited crush: maybe even something like fwb but with feelings ! yikes ! the drama ! or maybe either of our chars was rejected by the other. or maybe it’s all in the past now ( or is it ? )
your basic best friend: she would 100% die for them. sell their soul for them. their platonic soulmate.
skinny love: the angst. the pain. the holding back. yes.
someone she sings with / writes with / anything music related: they could be music dorks together & jam out & go to record stores & all those things
childhood friend: someone she grew up with in france ! or maybe someone that would visit her family in france ! maybe someone she met in school ! maybe a friend she made while being a foreign exchange student ! idk i’m just spitballing here
secret admirer: someone who’s a fan of her music or her writing or knew her from school or sees her at a cafe or a museum or a thrift store idk idk
love/hate: PLEASE. get me some enemies to lovers / friends shit
literally anything
okkkk that should be about everything !! i’ve got p much everything open so pls shoot me a msg or hit the like button so we can do some plotting :^) if you’re stuck on ideas, i’ll add some things to THIS TAG or the list above. thank u for reading <3
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thank you so much for your replies. i cant like express the depth of my gratitude of how much what you said resonated and meant to me. im really sorry like bringin it up though ifeel like im such a burden bc of it so i dont irl and while you have always been so kind and feel like the definition of safe and friend even though idk you in person, i recognize that its alot to bring up, so i hope that was ok. ive been starting to acknowledge it with therapy and its terrifying 1/3
but honestly, and i hope this isnt too much to say, but reading your blog and how open you are in not making it something like that means youre ruined gave me so much strength to feel like i might be ok one day and could address it with a professional and dont have to feel all this shame(?) quietly about it? idk just thank you, i cant articulate with words how i feel but its a lot of gratitude. im gonna save your replys and re read them again later when im sure ill need to 2/3
because its the most seen and validated and honestly cared about that ive ever felt being that my family continues to deny it despite literally being there/seeing it for years. like logically i know its not my fault but to hear everything you said in the second baddad ask meant so much more.. anyway this got so rambley but basically thank you im literally never going to forget your kindness for the rest of my life. not to be dramatic but it really does mean a lot. 3/3
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you’re not too much, and you don’t have to apologize to me.
i’m glad you reached out to me. i’m glad you feel like i’m safe and a friend. i want to help you. i don’t know what sort of support system you have, but you can count me part of it if you want to. you can always talk to me. you can message me or send another ask and i’ll answer as soon as i am able.
i’m really glad you’re talking to a therapist. i’ve been seeing a therapist off and on for about 20 years. the therapist i’m currently seeing has helped me tremendously. she is the reason i finally stopped being in denial about the abuse i suffered from my dad and others. i am in recovery, and it’s hard work, but it’s worth it. it’s so worth it.
you are going to be ok. you’re going to get to a place where it doesn’t hurt so much. where it’s easier to live with, where it’s a part of you, but it doesn’t take over your whole life.
you are incredibly strong and brave, even when you don’t feel like you are. being sad or vulnerable or scared doesn’t make you weak. crying doesn’t make you weak. grieving doesn’t make you weak. asking for help doesn’t make you weak.
and here’s what i know about shame: shame is harmful, but it only proliferates in secrecy. it dies out in the open. telling your story to people you love and trust, and having your feelings acknowledged and validated, is a very, very important part of the healing process.
you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. your dad is the one who should be ashamed. he abused you. it was real. it really was that bad. your family is gaslighting you, making you question the things you know you experienced. don’t listen to them.
and remember: try to be patient and compassionate with yourself. treat yourself kindly. as much as you can. all those negative and toxic things you think about yourself, that’s not your voice. that’s your dad’s voice, your abusers’ voices. healing from this kind of trauma will help you get your own voice back.
it’s easy to feel like you have a monster living inside you that stalks around your head and if you think too much about what happened that monster will find you. but the truth is there is no monster, there’s just a sad, scared child (you) who needs your love and understanding.
i’m going to leave you with a quote from rainier maria rilke’s letters to a young poet that has meant a lot to me.
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
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hi there!!! can i please have a past life reading? im ftm trans, im a cancer, and my initials are AQ ! preferably a reading on any one of my past lives except the most recent one... thank you so much!!!
hello AQ✨
What life was like for you: the devil reversed- practicing the principle of detachment. Overcome your attachment to the desire for things and people of the world. Free yourself from any restrictions.
How people saw you: the magician- inspired by action. Very resourceful and manifested visions.
Your inner self: Queen of cups- support others by listening to your heart, being compassionate, and caring deeply for them. Intuitive, creative, and in flow with surrounding energies.
How this affects your current life: king of swords reversed- your power and authority come from within. Prefer to draw your energy from your higher self and connect with what truly matters to you.
If you have any questions about your reading please feel free to message me.
Blessed Be 💜
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Do you remember me! You dont because im an anon lmao but just remember that i love you, genuine taejinnies love you. You deserve none of the stupid unnecessary hate that you get from people that are not worthy of being called a part of this fandom. Don't worry, we got your back. Don't stop doing anything you're doing because a hater won't gain anything but pleasure from seeing you down. Don't give them that satisfaction. Loads and loads of love from your 3am anon ^^(or was it 2am? I forgot lmao)
Hey there ‘3 or 2am’ anon,
How you doing?! Thank u for the lovely message of support and for the positivity boost. It means a lot to know there are still kindness and love out there, especially when those aggressive and unintelligible messages get to my inbox.
Don’t worry, it won’t make me feel down. I am a positive person, I think it is important to address feedback. But I do feel distressed by how some people can be super rude for absolute no reason at all. You see on those negative mails I get, like 100% of the time is like rude assumptions about things I have never said or shippers who want ship wars, total nonsense from people who have clearly never read my masterposts and common haters textbook, so it doesn’t even feel like a proper feedback and more like just rude people aiming to hurt therefore it doesn’t affect me, but such behaviour can affect people who are not ready to cope with rudeness and verbal violence and this is very troubling.
For instance, these same haters could attack someone who is going through a bad time and those violent comments probably would affect someone in a frail state. I think is troubling to see how little empathy they have for other people’s pain and how they find amusement in hurting a fellow human being just for the sake of cruelty. I just cannot understand why would someone be so unkind especially when BTS is all about RESPECT and NON-VIOLENCE.
If it doesn’t change the haters minds of how to treat others with respect, at least the tiny reach of my readers can find some hope of how to cope with haters and bullies, if that ever happen to them. The basic thing is to keep a positive attitude and be compassionate cause a hater is someone who relies on negativity so they are the ones poisoned by their own toxic pattern. When your mind is calm and your heart is strong, haters attack won’t hurt you.
Thank you again for the support and the words!
Lots of love.
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Senior Asian Dating
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Asian Dating Over 50 is a 50+ dating service (senior dating) in New York and is designed to help 50+ singles (Asian and Non-Asian) meet each other. 2019 Asian Supermatch Inc. Asian Dating For Over 50s Meeting a new partner is exciting, but it can be hard to know where to turn to meet someone who’s interesting and compatible. With around 21 million people of Asian descent in the US, the Asian population has grown by 72% since 2000, the fastest growth rate of any major ethnic group.
Welcome to video 3 of 3 on Asian Single FemalesTo get more tips, be sure to visit http://www.twoasianmatchmakers.com.
Why online dating is good. It’s interesting how, with certain patterns, you can make a great online dating profile.I spoke with Whitney Perry, the founder of the Single Online Dating Guide, who shared a great analogy.If you are wearing a dress that has zippers up the side, you can show what the dress looks like in a different way to different people by zipping it up a bit.
Men from all over the world admire Charming and magnificent Asian ladies. Asian ladies are so petite, shy, and smart so they successfully attract more and more foreign males from all over the world. Thanks to Asian traditions, Chinese, Japanese, Indian and Thai women remain very feminine. This article is a great guide on how to find an Asian bride. Here are helpful reviews of 5 Asian dating sites worth joining.
AsiaCharm
AsiaCharm.com is one of the leading China dating sites. It strives to provide a good service for Western men who are searching for romantic relations abroad. If you like the look of a Japanese, Chinese, Thai, or Indian woman, you are going to enjoy this dating. It provides an extensive database of young girls who are looking for love. Asian women are great and this is why the demand for dating platforms with profiles of Asian ladies is so big.
If you are dreaming of having a caring, devoted and family-oriented girl, join AsiaCharm.com. Star meeting charming girls from different parts of Asia. Here you will be able to use a wide choice of search tools. It will help you to filter women by age, country, city, marital status, children, drinking and smoking habits. AsiaCharm works for the purpose of connecting single men and women. Register and browse through profiles of hot Asian girls by age and location. Create an account to find your ideal soulmate quicker.
RomanceTale
The following dating platform for Asian singles that has a high rate among Western men is called RomanceTale.com. This modern dating website is dedicated to finding you a beautiful and devoted Asian wife in the shortest term possible. If you don’t have an opportunity to travel to Asia and stay there long-term searching for a wife, choosing Romance Take dating service would be a smart choice.
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The company has a couple of years of experience. RomanceTale.com has been providing single men from the USA, UK, Canada, Australia and European countries with a fantastic opportunity – meeting stunning Asian women within a few clicks on a device. This is a good Asian dating service that holds profiles of single women from China, Japan, India and Thailand wanting to date foreign men. Sign up at the platform today by providing your gender, name, date of birth, email and password to get access to thousands of single girls’ profiles with hot photos and detailed information.
TrulyAsian
If you are that man who knows that he doesn’t want to waste his time on endless chats and online flirt but meet Asian women with serious intentions, try TrulyAsian out. The service was launched a couple of years ago and even though this site is not that old and experienced like the previous platforms, it has already made great strides. With lots of singles from across the globe registered at Truly Asian, you can meet stunning Asian girls every single day without leaving your house. Some members have already found their soul mates, got married and created families. Sign up for free and enjoy free or payment features such as creating your profile with a photo and detailed information, browsing, using certain forms of communication, adding girls to your Favorites list, and contacting customer support that is available 24/7.
Paid membership will provide you access to great features like sharing photos and using a video chat with the ladies who you want to talk to, get to know and see whether you can build a lasting relationship via the service. There are plenty of options and a blog page that will keep you motivated and entertained while using the site. You can get TrulyAsian app for your Android or iPhone to meet and chat with a sexy Asian girl on the go and work on your online relationship at any time of the day or night.
AsianDate
So the next service that guarantees to date Asian women is AsianDate. The company is proud to have lots of members exchanging lots of messages every single day. Join the platform if you want to find out about Asian culture, traditions, values and dating principles. You will find it really exciting to meet beautiful women of different ethnicity. That’s because they have different values and life goals than Western ladies. Register to search for charming Chinese and Japanese girls. Chat, send letters, make phone calls, and share photos free of charge. AsianDate is a convenient and effective dating platform. The company’s staff confirms some female members to prove that they are real people. AsianDate app can be downloaded for Android or iOS mobile devices. This makes meeting stunning Asian babes simpler and quicker.
Match
Best Senior Asian Dating Sites
There is not a love-seeker who doesn’t know about Match. This dating site is the most popular worldwide because it targets international dating. Match is home to lots of Asian women. Asian ladies here want to date, marry and create a family with Western men. This is the place where East meets West. So this is your amazing opportunity to meet, chat and develop a romantic relationship with women of different ethnicity.
Senior Asian Dating Sites
What is really great about Match is that it cares for your needs. Sign up and fill in the questionnaire with multiple questions about yourself and your future wife. Tell your criteria according to your ideal partner’s age, country, city, marital status, children, education, interests, habits, and look. You won’t have to browse through numerous profiles trying to figure out whether you can make a couple with one or another lady. Match will provide you with some every single day. The system analyzes your answers in order to suggest you perfect ladies for dating and marriage.
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Dating Agency Near Petersburg Va
Dating Agency Near Petersburg Va Hotels
Dating Agency Near Petersburg Va.
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Dating Petersburg Women United States, Virginia Experience American free online dating like never before with Loveawake. Offering you the unique experience of matching algos, Loveawake will have you swept off your feet in no time. Take advantage of secure Petersburg. As such, we are committed to working with our clients to understand their needs and provide a successful, fun and productive IJL Dating Experience. The It's Just Lunch team is dedicated to you, and this is our commitment to our clients: To guide you through the It's Just Lunch dating process so you can have a fun, successful dating.
Dating Online gets you closer to the woman of your dreams!
Saint Petersburg brides – queens of harmony If you are looking for a Russian bride with a European mind, welcome to Saint Petersburg marriage agency! Tolerant and harmonious, these girls are beautiful.
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If you are looking for a Russian bride with a European mind, welcome to Saint Petersburg marriage agency! Tolerant and harmonious, these girls are beautiful both inside and outside. They are mature personalities with a warm heart and a generous soul. If you want to meet the queens of the Northern capital, register a profile at this online dating service. All you need to do is to select the most appropriate candidates and enjoy the communication. Kind and bright, self-sufficient and benevolent, the women of Saint Petersburg will warm the cockles of your heart.
What are single Saint Petersburg women like? Read further to know!
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Who are Saint Petersburg brides?
The women in Saint Petersburg are very special and differ from the rest of Russian women. They live in the second largest city in Russia, which hosts the major cultural events, such as theatre performances, movie marathons, concerts, exhibitions etc. There are a lot of sites and historical monuments in St. Petersburg, too. An exquisite taste and elegant manners of its female citizens set them apart from the rest of the brides in Russia. Due to the proximity to Europe, St. Petersburg is believed to have the most flexible, progressive, well-bread, patient and friendly women. Do not hesitate to start chatting with these charming ladies at our online marriage agency!
- Appearance of Saint Petersburg brides
All women from the city on the Neva River have an intrinsic sense of proportion and elegance. Thus, a single girl from St. Petersburg usually looks very elegant and stylish. Thanks to her good taste, she is likely to wear fashionable things that do not look neither vulgar nor boring. Such a bride prefers natural colours in clothes as well as in her makeup, because they gently enhance her inborn beauty. These ladies do not like showing off too much and, instead of blatant colours, they adore black and all shades of gray. Such strict colour patterns are usually diluted with the help of red, orange, pink, blue and yellow spots and accessories, such as shoes, handbags, scarves, gloves and umbrellas, which are an integral part of their wardrobe because of the frequent rains. Indeed, the local climate might have as well influenced the preferences of these women (there are approximately 60 solar days out of 365 in this city.) However, gloomy clouds do not have enough power to shadow a sunny character of St. Petersburg women.
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Character of Saint Petersburg women
The ladies from the city on the Neva River make very good wives. They are well-balanced, positive, kind and compassionate. In fact, harmony is the most suitable word that can describe the nature of a bride from St. Petersburg! Many men find this quality very appealing. It does not matter which country your wife comes from, if she is able to surround you with her loving fluids, doesn’t it? Real feelings do not know any limits or borders, even if at first a person seems to be a complete foreigner to you…
Exquisite and dignified, these women make incredible life partners. If you are looking for an intellectual lady who will be able to discuss any topic with you, choose a girl from St. Petersburg. Most of them have higher education and know several foreign languages, so they also make good travelling companions.
Nota bene
There is a peculiarity of the local girls which you should know about. They preserve their comfort zone like the Scandinavians and do not like touching people whom they do not know very well. They usually avoid the places that are overcrowded and keep a distance from the people in a subway car or in a bus. If you come to St. Petersburg one day to visit your beautiful lady, do not appoint a date near a flea market and definitely do not put the pressure on your girlfriend by touching her too often. You should rather give her some time to get used to you. Please take this peculiarity into account and do not think that these women are “touch-me-nots.” They just do not like to have their private space disturbed, nothing more.
Housekeeping skills
Russian girls are considered to be amazing housewives, and the women of St. Petersburg are not an exception. They inherited the best recipes of the local cuisine from their mothers and will be happy to cook delicious meals for their beloved husbands. They can look after the house very well, creating a cosy atmosphere there. As for raising children, the ladies from this city will definitely want to do it themselves, without any help of a nanny. Being good mothers and wives is a must for them, as it is considered to be a sign of family well-being in Russia.
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What men are Saint Petersburg brides looking for?
The girls, who create profiles at Saint Petersburg marriage agency, are looking for a mature and a reliable partner. The influence of Europe is rather strong in this multinational city, so it might be a little easier to get along with a local bride than with a woman from other part of Russia. They will hardly ever judge you by your origin or religious beliefs. No wonder that these brides want to see the same qualities in their partner! Unfortunately, they often fall victims of an aggressive behavior and an arrogant attitude, typical of some Russian men. Instead of being worshiped, these women are underestimated. There is also a constant lack of men in this country, so the brides from Saint Petersburg resort to online dating services in order to meet a real man, who has the same goals in life.
Dating Agency Near Petersburg Va.
If you are a self-sufficient man who is looking for a Russian wife, welcome to Saint Petersburg marriage agency! Hundreds of ladies are waiting for you there, hoping to meet their special one and find the love of their life! It might seem hard at first, to get in touch with a woman from a foreign culture, but you should not be afraid of any cross-cultural differences. You should give your new relationship a try and soon you will overcome all the obstacles.
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hello hello, my name is ashley and i am so excited for this. sorry i’m late to the party but a quick one two three about me is that i just started watching the walking dead two days ago ( bc of this rp tbh!! ), i will tirelessly promote mamma mia!: here we go again ( out july 20th... be there ), and i’m currently reading wishful drinking by carrie fisher. down below is a little snip it about my girl xena if you’d like to check it out. sorry it’s kind of a mess but i’m really excited about her. i am so open to plotting or just talking so feel free to send me a dm. p.s. if the apostraphes are turning into crazy code im really sorry i have no idea how to fix it and it doesn’t look like that when i’m editing the post : ( clicking read more & looking at it on my blog seems to work better
*・°☆━━ congratulations! you’re officially logged on as XENA RIAN! you have chosen your avatar to look just like DANIELLE CAMPBELL and they are TWENTY - THREE years old. their main skill is SURVIVALIST! you have given them the traits +STRATEGIC along with being -STRONG WILLED! well done! you have chosen them to be known as the VALKYRIE of infected! is this information correct? you will arrive to the world of infected shortly! please wait!
trigger warnings!! death, car crash, heart attack, depression, anxiety
R E A L L I F E
/ finley hannigan was born in seattle, wa where she grew up and lived until she was eighteen years old. after graduating high school finley moved out to los angeles, california to continue her education in college
/ in college finley is studying writing & producing for television. she would love to work in the realm of being a screenwriter, showrunner, and maybe a producer or director one day
/ growing up finley didn’t necessarily have a typical childhood. it wasn’t necessarily completely unusual and she was sure somewhere out there could relate on some extent, she just hadn’t met those people yet. when fin was ten years old her mother and her were driving and a car bashed right into the driver side door. her mother and her were both taken urgently to the hospital. her mother, who was driving, faced more serious injuries, where fin had a a cut on the top right of her forehead, and a busted lip. she was more so mentally traumatized than physically. upon her dad’s arrival to the hospital, her mother died only minutes later. she’d lost too much blood. in her dad’s shock, he faced a heart attack. he was able to get stable before suffering another, dying just hours after finley lost her mom.
/ she moved in with her grandma, who had lost her own husband a few years prior. from then on it was the two of them. her grandmother meant everything to finley. growing up her grandmother always called her ‘ xena ‘, for she always told her that she was a warrior princess. in finley’s edgy phase, she claimed she wanted to be a king - because according to the patriarchy, they had the power: so her nickname changed to ‘ rian ‘, which means king. over time the two names became interchangeable with her real name, and often times she responded better to those than her own.
/ when finley was nineteen, her grandmother passed away. her will? funds for college and her house to xena. so she lived on her own. her already independent nature amplified and she learned to take care of herself. she prefers not to rely too much on people. she’d had far too little luck with people sticking around.
/ despite her own family struggles and learning to cope with both depression and anxiety, the girl continued to have a kind heart. despite her occasional depressive episode, she remains compassionate, thoughtful, witty, and extremely determined.
/ finley began playing infected as a form of gathering information for a new screeplay. as anticipated, apocalypse themed . she wanted to make sure she had as close as possible an understanding of the scenery, the experience, what you needed to figure out, but most of all the feeling.
I N T H E G A M E
/ finley’s gamer tag? xena rian. those nicknames had to be put to use - thanks grandma!!
/ she entered the game with a couple friends. they were going to help her with notes about their own experience so she could try and get some different perspectives for her screenplay. except they didn’t always go in together. when the game became real - she had no idea where they were. other than that she knew one of them was online
/ naturally, xena became a survivalist. that’s what she’s been all her life - it seemed rather fitting.
/ she’s yet to come across many people and not opposed to being in a group, but the few small groups she had come upon didn’t want a ‘girl to slow them down’ or were honestly just being stupid. little did they know of her specializing as a survivalist, having a very good general skill set, not to mention her sub-skills of a medic & an assasin.
W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S
/ her friend who was logged on to help finley w/ her script. of course it was fun for all of them, and that was certainly just an excuse to play the game more, finley puts quite a bit of blame on herself. this relationship can have varying backgrounds that we can definitely come up with together!! i’m super open haha - i think it would be cool if this was someone who it took a bit for her to find ... if she ever does
/ the team: a group of people ( maybe a group of survivalists? ) that band together and realize that a small group isn’t so bad. they form a very family-like relationship: extremely protective over one another, provide relief, but of course squabbling & dumb fights from stress, the ability to make each other laugh like no other. this would all of course be built up over time!!
/ “hi i saved your ass, see you later”: someone that she saved from getting infected but he split off from pretty soon after when she got them back to their group. they could maybe run into each other later and have some sort of a relationship form off of that?
/ we’re constantly bickering can you please shut up but also i kind of like you
/ someone from her school: they might not know one another, but they see each other and whether or not they decide to stay together, they feel a bit better having someone to remind them of home
/ i’m honestly so open to anything so please feel free to send me a message if you have any ideas!! i would absolutely love to plot with any and all of you
#( you will learn why storms are named after people / musings )#( stuck in her daydream / ooc / ashley )
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Im so blown away from the kind and thoughtful comments and messages I've received. I've been overwhelmed with self hatred for not being 'clever enough' to have prevented this, for being a burden on the people who are having to help me fix it, letting down my Patrons who pay for content I'll be late creating, and my lovely.followers and not being able to share my new exciting work. I felt scared. My art, my comics, they were my safety net. I love my day job with all my heart but if I ever had to leave I always had my comics, my art. I got brought up being taught you're fucked unless you have multiple streams of income, of security. My art was my security. I feel heart broken. The comics come from personal experiences from me, making them an amazing and very personal emotional outlet, or it's stories from other people who have trusted me to share them through my art.to help make the world a better place. I feel like a puddle of emotions Still, my body actually physically aches from the adrenaline and tension and crying and yeeting stuff at walls (sorry r.i.p vitamin c supplements Bottle) but I also feel myself rebuilding. Already making plans to come back stronger and better than before. And I can do this because for all the negative thoughts I was feeding to myself I was reading a positive, compassionate and understanding comment or message from one of you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You have saved me. I am full of gratitude and small but strong hope 💖 and that's because of all of you 💖 I love the little community we are building together here 💖 to coming back stronger and better!!!!! https://www.patreon.com/PAPAartist #papa #pandaandpossumadventures #papaartist #gay #queer #selfcare #mentalhealth #art #webcomic #queerart #artist #asexual #pansexual #bisexual #aromantic #lesbian #gay #trans #cute #patreon #inspiring #motivating https://www.instagram.com/p/B9KgFP6hiMl/?igshid=kwihjki5y6fd
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