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place-called-space · 8 months

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send me an angel [part i of 'sweetest poison']

word count: 2,601

Before they start their search for office space, Matt insists that they stop at Clinton Church—to pray for luck, of course. He doesn't know how Foggy convinced him to pray for a wife, or why he listened, but the next thing Matt knows, the smell of incense and old wood is overtaken by lilies and nectar, and you walk in.

So many things had changed after Matt lost his sight, but the sickeningly sweet scent of incense remained as stifling as ever. After years of being unable to filter through the cacophony of noise surrounding him, settling into the creaky wooden pews of the church with a deep sigh was a welcome reprieve, the incense dulling his senses just enough to stave off the migraines he so constantly found himself the victim of.

Today was no different except for the presence of Foggy at his side.

"So, how exactly do you pray?" he asks after several minutes of comfortable silence. "You ask for love and success in exchange for the sacrifice of a virgin?"

"We quite like virgins, actually," Matt corrects without skipping a beat. "They're a rare commodity these days, so we try not to sacrifice them anymore."

"Oh, I see. You just take them for yourselves," cajoled Foggy, nudging him with his foot. The wood of the pew creaked as he leaned back, turning slightly to leverage his elbow over the back. "You Catholics are greedy bastards, eh?"

"And I'm the only one that'll ever admit to it," Matt lamented with a sigh. He poked Foggy gently with his elbow. "Can I go back to praying now?"

"Right," Foggy said immediately, shuffling further away. "Take your time."

Matt shook his head, chuckling quietly before dipping again, fingers fiddling with the rosary held in his hands. He was almost done, with only one more decade to go. Sure, that may be another ten Hail Marys and a Glory Be, but despite how often he'd doze while praying as a kid, the repetition had become therapeutic over the years. Combined with the incense, it was easy to be lulled into an almost hypnotic state of calm, aided by the smooth surface of the beads and the occasional popping of the candles-

"You should pray for a wife."

Matt let out a startled laugh, catching the attention of Mrs. Akers, an old widow who'd been ancient back when Jack Murdock's mom would drag him to mass every Sunday. She turned in her pew but said nothing before turning back to the front with a shake of her head, the movement almost fond.

"A wife?" Matt asked Foggy, lowering his voice even though he was still chuckling. "I could ask for world peace, an end to poverty and starvation, or even money for our firm, and you're telling me to pray for a wife?"

"In my defense," Foggy said, the slide of cotton against skin betraying the fact that he'd raised his hands in surrender, "hundreds of thousands of people had to have asked for those other things, and all we hear are sob stories about how they were ignored!" He shrugged noncommittally. "I don't know about you, but I don't hear any complaints from the people who've asked for love."

Matt paused for a moment. "No," he said eventually, fiddling with his rosary. "I guess not.”

He shifted in his seat, wincing when his bruised ribs twinged uncomfortably and hiding the expression by bringing his left hand up to adjust his glasses. Foggy wasn't paying attention to him anyway, scraping at a scuff in the floor with the toe of his shoe.

Years of ingrained loyalty to the church had taught him to be grateful for the small blessings and to never ask for anything more. And for years, Matt had obeyed, stomping on any blooming feelings of want or desire for success or affection. Even now, shrouding himself in black and baptizing himself in blood every night, he avoided asking for anything other than guidance for himself or aid for others, muscling through the pain he endured every night, a true soldier of God.

Would it… be wrong of him to ask for something for himself, for once? He'd been taking justice into his own hands for some time now, stopping what the police couldn't out of the goodness of his heart, for the betterment of his community. Did he deserve the comfort a wife would provide, the love she’d shower him with?

Matt's heart is practically beating out of his chest as he shifts his grip on his rosary, running his thumb over the little man on the tiny cross as guilt begins to crawl up his throat like bile. What existence would he damn his wife to? A lonely existence with a husband who only joined her in bed a few hours before they were supposed to wake? A life of struggling to make rent when he devoted himself more to the justice he sought at night than the one found in court? A marriage of resigning herself to always being his second priority?

No. Nobody deserved an existence as miserable as that, even if it would make his own more bearable. No matter what he'd done, no matter what good he always strived for, Matthew Murdock would never deserve such a reprieve.

…But surely, one prayer couldn’t hurt.

“Are you there, Lord? It’s me again,” Matt started, speaking low enough that only Foggy could hear him. “I need someone to be my friend—”

“Wife!” Foggy hissed. “You have to be specific!”

Matt turned his head in Foggy’s direction, amused. “You don’t think I can be friends with my wife?”

“Of course you can,” Foggy acquiesced with a steely note in his voice, “but you’ve already got one best friend, and I’d hate to claim seniority and break up your marriage.”

That last part got a surprised chuckle out of Matt. “Noted,” he said solemnly, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have.”

He spent the next fifteen seconds trying his hardest to keep his face emotionless as Foggy’s head turned ever so slowly until the full brunt of his incredulous expression was focused solely on the man beside him.

“You,” he started, drawing out the word in his disbelief, “did not just quote Lilo and Stitch.”

“It’s called praying, Foggy.” Matt shook his head in mock disappointment. “I’d have thought you’d seen me do it enough times to recognize it.”

Foggy heaved a sigh. “I have had enough of your smartassery,” he said, getting to his feet. “We should leave in a bit if you wanna meet the realtor on time. First impressions and all that.”

“Right,” Matt says distractedly, his attention pulled by the sound of footsteps entering from one of the hallways that branched off deeper into the church. If memory served, that hallway led to Father Lantom’s private office, but the footsteps leaving that hallway were far too light, far too quick to belong to the aging priest. No, this was someone else.

Well, hello, you.

Your skirt is long and flowy, made of linen and ideal for the warmer weather they've been getting lately. The hem flutters around your ankles when you walk, but as you pause before the candle-filled altar to light a votive, you raise one foot to scratch at your opposite calf, flashing a bit of soft, bare skin.

Matt's fingers give an involuntary twitch. Tease. You like a little attention. That much is clear from the tight shirt you're wearing—form-fitting and the sleeves low enough to wrap around your biceps while leaving your shoulders bare.

Your shoes are clean but well-worn. They smell of grass and soil, gum and sunflower seeds; you'd walked here, but only after taking a detour to soak up some sun in the park, clearly enjoying the weather. Central was too far to be feasible, so it was more likely you'd gone to DeWitt, where the grass was regularly maintained for the baseball season, hence the seeds and gum.

Still, your childhood must've had some form of worship in it because you're wearing a cardigan concealing the exposed skin of your shoulders. The addition is meant to make the entire ensemble more modest, but the slight tinkling of your jewelry calls attention anyway. No loud bracelets that clashed against each other with every move you made, thank God—only a few sets of hoops and studs scattered throughout the cartilage of your ear to pair with the simple necklace you're wearing.

Despite the understated embellishments, Matt sees right through the illusion—they're meant to bring attention to the long line of your throat, to the delicate bones of your clavicle, to the regal set of your shoulders. You want attention, but only the slightest bit. Your efforts to look effortless are not wasted—Foggy's heartbeat stutters when he finally sees you, admonishing words dying in his throat as he drinks the sight of you in, and for the first time in decades, Matt is envious of someone else's ability to simply observe.

The feeling quickly dies, however, because no matter how hard he (or anyone else tries), Foggy's perception is limited to superficial observation, while Matt's is so much more than that.

Matt can fully enjoy your scent, sweeter than the nectar of freshly bloomed flowers. He can bask in the taste of your skin, still sun-kissed and warm from the outside. He can relish in the sound of your blood pumping through your veins, spurred forward by your persevering heart. That closeness—that intimacy—was reserved for him...

...and him only.

The thought sent a rush of pride, warped and wicked, through him, and Matt couldn't help the sharp smile that split his face. Despite being born of humor and sarcasm, his prayer had been answered.

God had sent him an angel.

He must've looked particularly devious because Foggy dropped his head into his hands with a groan.

"She's hot, in case you were wondering," he whispered, resigned and conspiratorial at the same time. "Absolutely smoking. But I'm assuming you knew that already."

"I don't care about that, Foggy," Matt said distractedly, too busy listening to the brush of your hair against your cardigan—it smelled of lilies. "What's she doing?"

“Having a moment of silence, it looks like,” Foggy told him. “Which makes my staring at her even more creepy than before. Thanks, dude. Can we go now?”

“She smells so good,” Matt confessed in a hushed whisper, parting his lips to draw more of your scent onto his tongue. He was swaying slightly on his feet, and he grasped at the pew in front of him in a white-knuckled grip as his knees threatened to buckle beneath him—when had he stood up, anyway? “Are you sure we can’t stay a bit longer?”

Foggy startled a bit. “You can smell her from here?” he asked incredulously, the muscles in his forehead stretching as he raised a dubious eyebrow. When Matt didn’t respond, Foggy blew out a long-suffering sigh. There was the scratch of polyester on cotton as Foggy flicked his arm out, raising the hem of his sleeve enough to peer at the face of his watch. "Almost nine-thirty," he said. "We have to meet with the realtor at ten, so you have some time to try and get through the first half of your pickup lines."

And for the first time in years, Matt… hesitated.

There was a restlessness inside his chest, pushing him to approach you and introduce himself, to flash a smile and hope the dimple Sister Maggie used to compliment so much ignited your curiosity and drew you in. From there, he could go straight into charming you, learning things about you that his senses couldn’t tell him. As the weeks passed, he could bring you to his favorite restaurants, hold your hand, kiss your cheek, taste the skin of your throat as he guided you to his bed, hear what your voice sounded like as you moaned his name-

Okay… maybe not. Maybe…

Maybe he wouldn’t say hello. Maybe he'd accidentally bump into you, have you make the first step in the connection he was already looking forward to fostering. It would undoubtedly be less conspicuous that way—much easier to explain away bumping into a woman you wanted to talk to if you were blind. An exchange like that could end one of two ways: the short, apologetic interaction which didn’t lead to anything substantial, or the extended, flirtatious conversation that might pique your interest and excite you enough into wanting more.

And even if you chose the former, that didn’t mean he couldn’t introduce himself properly if he, by chance, came across you again, unattended and conveniently available.

And if he was right and the two of you were meant to meet… well, far be it from him to question God's plan.

Mind made up, Matt sent a distracted smile in Foggy’s general direction. “Just… give me a few minutes, okay?”

Foggy heaved a great sigh, standing from the pew. “I’ll be loitering outside when you’re done. You better not make us late, Murdock!”

Heart hammering in his chest, Matt felt around for the end of the pew, practically crawling out of the aisle in his haste. He took a moment to run a hand through his hair and straighten the creases in his jacket before stepping forward, tapping his cane as he walked.

As he approached you, he could tell the exact moment you noticed him. The tapping of his cane announced his presence, and your hair shifted as your head turned to catch a glimpse of him. There was a small intake of breath as your eyes took him in, a slight tilt in your head betraying how you’d looked him up and down. Trying his best not to shrink under your scrutiny, Matt settled into the spot beside you, fingers searching for the candle the nuns kept lit for him at the bottom left.

You watched him curiously, taking a half step to the side to give him more room. It seemed like you were watching him, silently preventing him from burning himself. And though he was tempted, just for a moment, to let his fingers get singed by a flame he’d strayed too close to, he didn’t, simply picking up the lit candle and lighting another. He set the candle back down, taking a deep breath before bowing his head in prayer.

He probably looked nervous. He certainly felt nervous, a certain clamminess to his palms that hadn’t been there before. This close, it felt as though you were a magnet, drawing him in, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he was swaying on his feet again, his body instinctively arching toward you without his express permission. Matt’s fingers twitched, aching to reach out and brush against your skin, but he tightened his grip on his cane, determined to at least give off the impression that he didn’t know you were there.

Your heartbeat was slow and steady in his ears, your breath similar as you, too, ducked your head, your lips moving soundlessly to finish your prayer.

It was like he wasn’t even there.

Again, Matt grew restless. He’d… he’d expected you to say something. An ‘excuse me,’ at least, not just move away silently as though you didn’t want to be perceived. Because Matt knew you. He knew by how you dressed that you liked a bit of attention, each small but elegant accessory bringing attention to you, accentuating your natural beauty. Every part of your outfit was perfectly tailored to draw attention but not keep it. It was as though you were intentionally keeping in the middle of the pack. No, this… this was done deliberately.

Well, two could play at that game.

Letting out a breath, Matt turned abruptly, swinging his cane wide and smacking you in the shin.

part ii: '(don't fear) the reaper' coming soon to a screen near you!

a/n: there it is! honestly, i've been so excited to finally push this out that i accidentally added an entirely new plot point so the next chapter will probably take a bit longer, my bad y'all. in the meantime, feel free to ask any questions about this fic or send any requests!

#matt murdock x reader #daredevil #matt murdock #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #x reader #x reader fic #nmcu fic #nmcu daredevil #daredevil fic #marvel daredevil #no use of y/n #matt murdock x you #matt murdock fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction

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maidenofsophia · 14 days

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Faith Update

I'm going through something of a religious identity crisis at the moment and trying to decide exactly what I am. I still adore Filianism and align myself with most of the beliefs and teachings and concepts on Déa. But I don't know if I feel truly comfortable calling myself a Filianist anymore.

I'm not even completely sure I'm a Déanist.

Most of this has been due to my growing connection with the Horned God who has been coming to me a lot lately. I've been going through a lot of difficult times lately and while Sophia has been there for me and protected me, it's the Horned One - sometimes as Pan, sometimes as Cernonnus - who has come to give me comfort. It's strange because I was never drawn to him all that much in my Wiccan days but have found myself connecting with him more over the years.

There's always been this debate on whether someone can be a Dèanist or a Filianist if they believe in male gods alongside Dèa / The Goddess. I had this same dilemma back when I was a Gnostic and was determined to keep Jesus in my faith.

Reason I still consider myself Déanic is that my inclusion of the Horned God is not a Wiccan "God and Goddess" dualithic system. For me, Sophia is Déa. She is the Supreme, the Goddess. She is Mother, as Zoe She is Daughter and as Barbelo She is Déa Absolute. She has no equal or consort. The Horned God is not some Great Father, but he is a divine father figure to me. He's also a brother, a guide and just an all round positive masculine energy. Most of all, he's a friend. While I love and respect him, I wouldn't prostrate myself before him as I would my Lady and I don't feel he'd want me to (not that Sophia demands it either). I see the Horned God as one of many entities or aeons who were born of the Pleroma, the womb of Barbelo.

While I give the Horned One he/him pronouns most of the time. I'm currently reading James Mankey's book "The Horned God of the Witches" to try to get a better understanding of these different forms he or they can take and I'm looking forward to reading the chapter on Elen of the Ways. Does this mean any god or goddess with horns is part of the Horned God? I dunno. I guess it depends on their attributes, Cernonnus and Pan and Herne, as well as Lucifer in his horned depictions, all bring this similar energy. This feeling of freedom and harmony and mystery and playfulness but also guidance born from being in tune with life and nature. Despite wearing horns like "crowns", they're not judgemental or controlling or wrathful like angry kings. They don't rule beside or above Déa, but in Her name. More like a steward than a ruler.

I also never connected much to the Horned God before being an demisexual lesbian. There was always so much of a focus on the Horned One as a lustful deity that it put me off. But letting him come to me in meditations has weirdly helped me feel comfortable understanding my sexuality in a way that never felt right discussing with Sophia. Sophia connects more with that side of me, which does not feel almost any sexual desires, whereas The Horned One does in those rare moments where I do experience something or even just a romantic fixation. It's like the Horned One helps me manage my more base and material desires while Sophia is more about my spiritual and esoteric growth.

Dunno if any of this is making sense but as I'm no longer a Gnostic, I don't believe we need to forsake the material world entirely to become one with Spirit. There is a harmony to be found and I think with Sophia as my (supreme) Goddess and the Horned One as my (lesser) Lord, I've found that balance, and I've been looking a lot more into various open Pagan practices to help reconnect with the world outside rather than just praying at my altar with my rosary. Which also feels more like Paganism to me than Filianism.

#filianism #déanism #divine sophia #the horned god #the horned one #cernunnos #god pan #eclectic pagan

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kagedbird · 1 month

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Cicero Loves You, Listener!

TESSDE AU - Dark Brotherhood route

~ [First] ~ [Next] ~ [Prev] ~

I awoke to the same ceiling I’d been seeing for nearly half a month, a pounding in my head once again.

Not seeing Cicero by my side when I looked around, I sat up and pressed my hand into my forehead with a groan. What the hell happened to me? And why did I keep waking up this way?

Deja vu…

Turning once more, I saw a plate full of food and a cup of water settled on the nightstand, alongside a note.

The note read, “Dearest Listener! You had not listened to Cicero! Haha! He warned you you were not yet well enough to be up and whatnot, but he will forgive you as you had been seeking him out for Mother! Such a generous thought from you, my Listener.

“He will be taking care of Mother just outside your door if you find yourself up and I am not there. Do come by! I am certain she would love to see your beautiful face in person! Though I have told her much about you all ready, I am certain she wishes to see it for herself.

“See you soon!

-Your Dutiful Keeper, Cicero.”

I huffed softly, shaking my head slow. Well, that explained things a little. Guess I’d over done it. I just hoped I didn’t make too bad of an impression on his family… though I get the sense that they’re hard to please anyways.

Settling down the note and downing the entire cup of water very quickly, I managed to shimmy out of bed and test myself getting up. It was slow going, but I managed to stand on my feet, and I was pleased.

Grabbing an apple from the plate, really not wanting to take the sweets Cicero seemed to like so much, I bit into it and made my way to the door, poking my head out once more.

I found Cicero indeed kneeling down in front of that coffin from before, settled in a prayer position with his head low. But as I had creaked open the door, his head snapped up and he turned to me, mouth splitting into that smile I began to know so well.

“Listener! Good evening! You were asleep for some time. Did you rest well?”

“Um… sure. We’ll say yes.” I hummed softly, chuckling as I stepped out into the small sanctuary. “What are you doing?”

“Praying to Mother, of course! Come, come, you can pray alongside me!” Cicero offered, shifting to the side to pat where he once kneeled.

“Do I need to kneel? My knees aren’t the best.” I asked, moving closer. I took one more bite of my apple before settling it on a nearby empty plate, wiping my hand on my shorts to rid myself of the sticky juices.

“However is most comfortable for the Listener! It’s what Mother would want!” Cicero replied cheerily, happily watching as I settled down with my legs crossed.

“What… do you pray to her for?” I asked, finally seeing ‘Mother’ in her coffin. That was a dead woman all right. Yikes.

‘Uh. No offense.’ I quickly corrected myself in my head, unsure if she could hear me.

“We pray for her wisdom to guide us to a better life!” Cicero says, clapping his hands together. “With you here to hear her guidance, it’s all the more possible now!”

“Happy to help,” I smiled back, nodding. “She’s only able to talk to a Listener, right? How long have you all been without one?”

“Oh, Cicero isn’t entirely sure about this Sanctuary!” He says, tapping his chin. “Cicero arrived not long after you helped him on the road! And there was no Listener then! But Cicero’s last sanctuary was a handful of years ago. Our Listener died protecting the Night Mother from an attack! Very brave, very brave.”

I paused, frowning. “So… you’ve just been unable to hear her since?”

“Yes! Well— Cicero has never been able to hear her in the first place.” He chuckled a little manically, that strain in his throat again. “But now Miss Allora is here! And all is well in the world!”

I hummed, looking up to ‘Mother’ thoughtfully. What kind of mother just… waits and leaves her children waiting for her? What was the point?

Surely I was missing something.

“Is she speaking to you?”

I jolted, looking over to see Cicero leaning in closer than before, gaze holding me tightly in place. The manic look was amplified in a way— his eyes begging to know.

“Uh— no. I was just lost in thought. I’m sorry.”

Disappointment dusted in his eyes before they flickered back into the mask of joviality. “No worries, none at all! Cicero understands gazing upon Mother and just thinking! He’s done it enough over the years! He has!”

“How old are you?” I asked curiously, stretching my back slightly. It popped and I let out a small puff of relief. That felt good.

“How rude! To ask Cicero his age!” The jester huffed and puffed dramatically, crossing his arms. “...Kidding! Cicero is nearly in his thirties! Getting up there in age, he is!”

“I’m nearly in my thirties… too…” I said, blinking. “Wait. I am?”

“You are?” Cicero asked, tilting his head. “How sad that the Listener cannot even remember. Perhaps praying to the Night Mother or Dread Lord will alleviate the addlement! Cicero wouldn’t want you like he is— with others always calling him crazy.”

“You’re the farthest thing from crazy,” I frowned, gently placing my hand on his arm. “Don’t listen to that kind of crap. You’re clearly devoted to your cause and your family, and it shows. Sure, you’re a little loud at times, but I think I am too. It doesn’t make us bad people, and definitely doesn’t make us crazy. Jeez.”

Cicero is frozen in place as he stares at me, glancing down to my hand. I quickly pull it away, embarrassed for getting so caught up in trying to make him feel better that I invaded his personal space.

“Sorry. We should… get back to praying.”

“...Yes.”

I’m more unnerved by his quiet response, and quickly adjust my sitting position on the cold, hard floor, before clasping my hands together and closing my eyes in a vain attempt to ignore his continued staring.

Was what I said that strange?

‘This is what I get for trying to be nice,’ I bemoaned in my head, letting out a quiet sigh.

Oh well. Could be worse, I guess. He could be reacting like that woman who tried putting a knife to my throat.

“That pretender…”

I jolt, snapping my eyes open at the voice that pervaded my mind again, looking up to ‘Mother’. She never moved, nothing changed, save for a subtle red glow in her eyes.

“You are in charge of this guild, my sweet Child. My Listener. Fear not your brothers and sisters under Sithis’ arms, for his wrath will quell their injustice well.”

I swallowed thickly, nodding my head. That was… good to know.

‘Is there… anything you need of me, Mother?’ I asked in my mind, unsure if I should be speaking out loud or not. It felt… personal, to have her address me. Secretive.

“There will be a job for you in the future. You are still weak, however. Instead, inform my dear Keeper Cicero that Mother wishes for you to hand out tasks in the meantime.”

“Cicero,” I whispered, eyes never straying from Mother. I couldn’t. “...Mother has jobs for the others.”

I could feel him move next to me, his face nearly over taking my view of Mother. His hands took mine and held them tightly— almost too tight— excitement in his voice.

“Yes? Yes?! What tasks await us? Oh, do not keep the Keeper waiting!”

“A grieving boy in Windhelm cries out to me…”

“He is asking for Grelod the Kind…”

“To be murdered in Riften.”

“A scorned woman in Markarth…”

“Craves the ending of a man named Alain Dufont in Raldbthar…”

“As well as a woman named Nilsine Shatter-Shield in Windhelm…”

“And an Indolent Farmer in Ivarstead…”

“Craves the blood of a pitiful farmer in Ivarstead.”

I feel myself slump forward against Cicero, a cold sweat breaking out over my skin as whatever held me aloft whisked itself away like smoke blown from a candlestick.

Murder. The tasks were about murder.

But Cicero was all smiles as he helped me sit up, beaming so wide, it had to hurt. “Splendid, splendid! To hear her through you— it’s enough to forget all those silly years of silence! Maddening silence! Oh, but it’s all broken now, yes it is! We must tell the others the good news!”

Cicero pulled me to my feet and guided me out of the sanctuary— after thanking Mother for her guidance and closing her coffin once more— and led me out into the main hall of the… whatever we were in.

It felt like a den with how strange the shape of the interior was. I could only hope it wasn’t a den of wolves.

I froze lightly as all eyes turned to us from various places all over the room and carefully kept myself close to Cicero. He had mentioned protecting me before. I could only hope that continued to be true.

Their eyes… it made all the more sense now.

Bloodlust.

“Looks like the tidbit finally woke up.” The giant man growled out, pulling his sword from the grinding stone he had been using.

“Who?” A small girl asked, tilting her head curiously.

Something inside me ached at the sight of her pale skin and darkened eyes. Violently I am reminded of undead creatures of the night that consume their victims blood until nothing is left.

Vampires.

“The clown’s pet.” The giant man grunted, standing up. “Taking her out for a walk, Keeper?”

“Haha! How very funny of the sheepdog!” Cicero spat back with a high pitched chuckle. “Surely he recognizes the importance of the Listener’s position! Especially! Since Mother has given us contracts!”

“What?” An older man asked, eyes wide. His gaze turned to me, looking me up and down slowly with an agape look. “You heard her speak? What did she say?”

“Oh, Mother dearest had several contracts to dole out!” Cicero said, slipping my tight hand from his to clap excitedly. “Our Listener told them all to me, so that I may in turn share them with you! She is still recovering, the poor thing!”

“Recovering?” A dark, ashen skinned woman asked, frowning. “I could have helped speed along her recovery, you know. I’m not the most adept with healing magicka, but…”

“Cicero had it under control!” The jester interrupted, still smiling genially. I could tell there was an underlying threatening tone, if only from how long I’ve spent in his company alone. Seemed he was very protective of me, in every sense of the word.

Now to know if that was a good or bad thing.

“How do you know she’s really the Listener? Not that I distrust you, Keeper,” a lizardman asked, faintly shocking me from his presence. “But it’s all rather sudden…”

Where the fuck was I? Was this normal? Why did I feel more deja vu?!

“She spoke the Binding Words to me! Oh yes, oh yes! Tried coming straight to me once she heard them, but Astrid held her with a knife to her throat!” Cicero guffawed, looking tickled pink despite my almost murder. “But of course, dearest Mother would not have let it come to that! No, no!”

“She looks weak.” A dark skinned man from the back wall bluntly remarked, biting into my insecurities deeply.

“Quite rude! Miss Allora has been on bed rest for two weeks! Anyone would become shriveled at that point, indeed!” Cicero huffed, ‘defending’ my honour.

“Gee, thanks Cicero…” I sighed, looking away from everyone.

“Of course!”

“Enough joking around. We got contracts? Give them. Now.” The giant man said, standing up and stomping over to tower over me.

I shrunk instinctively, feeling my chest tighten as my vision flickers from man to wolf repeatedly, reaching out to clutch Cicero’s jacket tightly in my hand reflexively. Said jester immediately positioned himself in between us, pressing his back to my front.

“Night Mother requested I hand out the tasks, according to our wonderful Listener! Isn’t that correct, Miss Allora?”

“Mhm,” I forced out, nodding quickly and dropping my eyes to the floor as a shudder ran through my body. My headache was getting worse.

The giant man huffed loudly through his nose before crossing his arms. “Get on with it then.”

#skyrim #tesblr #tes oc #Cicero skyrim #dark brotherhood #Arnbjorn skyrim #Nazir skyrim #Babette skyrim #Festus Krex skyrim #Gabriella skyrim #Veezara skyrim #Night Mother

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cloverandstuff · 2 months

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I'm rewatching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood cause it's been literally a decade since I've watched it.

So cheers, I have a reaction thread (because I'm a sentimental bitch)

Episode 1:

God, I've forgotten how it immediately just got to the action in the first episode. Like, it set up everything and gave a glimpse of nearly all important character.

Poor Isaac, was probably manipulated, but ultimately led himself to his own demise. Very bold though.

And god, I think I was too depressed at the time of watching it, but the Eldric brother's backstory was so painful with that small glimpse.

Episode 2:

I cannot for the life of me understand why this shit didn't affect me as much as it should've as a kid. It might've depression that numbed my emotions, but I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, my point is, this is is traumatizing, and that's me saying this as an adult. The backstory and the short glimpses of the mom, as well as the clear love and dedication they had for her? The way that Ed didn't even hesitate to try and find more truth? The way he dragged himself, bleeding leg and all, to the armor to shove it down, and connect his brothers soul to it???

And god, the way I just kept whisper-shouting when they came to recruit him, cause I didn't remember shit, going-

But man, as someone is is now so much older than Ed is in the anime, they make him act a kid. A very smart, powerful and purposeful kid, but a kid nonetheless. He's so young and you can just feel it in the little things he does. He does not have his shit together and is still figuring some shit out.

Episode 3:

I love the comedy this anime has. It has the funny little pauses and the interuption of what should be serious moments without ruining the actual serious moments.

It is exactly my cup of tea, with a silly joke that just poked fun at a kid or being, well. A kid. He's small, and that joke may remind He's small but I can also remind you that he is so much younger than his peers.

I am an atheist so I do have the same kinda mindset about God that Edward has. Rose has this sort of annoying mindset of God and his priests being this answer to all suffering and anyone who disagrees will suffer divine Punishment. It is frustrating at the start.

But I can fully understand where she's coming from by the end. She clung onto this hope, this prayer that someone she loved so much will eventually be revived. Rose then meets the brothers who lost someone they loved, and tried to being back as well. She saw the consequences and felt terrified. But she spent so long just clinging onto this hope that she desperately wants it to be true. So she argues, trying to convince herself that Cornella was telling the truth and she didn't waste so long praying for something that didn't exist.

People can find comfort in the idea of God(s). The idea that there is someone looking after everyone and offering guidance is reassuring for some.

That was not Rose's situation.

Rose's situation is more akin to having a loved one suffering from a terminal disease and convincing yourself that prayers and God will be able to do what science could not. You can not pray for the impossible. You can pray for hope, for guidance or for even a fast recovery. But you need to understand that even if you wish for something impossible, you cannot spend your life wasting away on these prayers and refuse to do anything else.

Rose needed to stop clinging in general because she was clinging on to something impossible that compelled her to try and attempt awful things. She needed to learn to stand on her own. Maybe she could one day find hope in God again, but it wouldn't be anytime soon.

Man, I went on a rant there.

Anyway, I just wanted to type all that put because my mind just felt like analysing for a bit.

I forgot what the philosopher stone even did until now. I remembered that it was powerful but I that was about it. Now I remember, it was shit about defying the rule of absolute equivalence.

I am kinda happy I forgot majority of the lore of this anime, it makes it fun to put all the pieces together again as an adult who can process things and analyse better.

Episode 4:

This hurts.

This hurts so much. They were so happy, and acting like actual kids. They played all sorts of games with Nina and Alexander. It was so bright. They were so bright.

But Tucker, the motherfucker, only saw what he was bound to lose instead of what he had. He tried to work his way through it, but eventually just gave up.

My heart sank when I heard him ask Nina to play the next day. It broke even more when heard Nina say, in that voice that doesn't belong to a kid, "onii-chan".

He sacrificed everything just to save his title pf State Alchemist. He gave up his wife and then his daughter and the respect of these kids.

God, I hate him. I understand him and his desperation and I hate him.

Scar is back though. We love scar man. He's weird but core to the story and has every right to hate State Alchemists.

Again, when I was a kid, I didn't feel much. This episode never hit me as hard as it does now. Back then, I though the Eldric brothers were being dramatic about the whole thing.

Now it just strikes me so hard how fucked up it wad to be willing to experiment on your own kid for a stupid title. To mutate her into an existence that was nothing like her human one.

Brotherhood didn't make it blatantly, but it was mentioned time and again, just how painful it was to be a chimera in the original. Nina was in pain and Tucker knew this.

I fully understand why this hurt the Eldric brothers so much now. That was horrid. And to be able to even see a semblance of yourself in that was painful.

#fma brotherhood #fmab #reaction time #reaction thread #fma #maybe spoilers?#idk this is an old anime #this is on you if you haven't watched it yet but plan on it

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gently-decaying-flowers · 4 months

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i wasn’t gonna post this- it’s been in my drafts since like….. early november? i guess i was worried about getting hate, or being seen as rude? i dunno i overthink a lot

alas, multiple people have told me that this is actually really interesting! so i think it’s good to share now

so here we are

i have a strange outlook on personal religion. my grandparents were pretty religious, we said grace before dinner, we’d go to church (but only for easter and christmas) but i guess i never really believed in it because my parents don’t.

i definitely believe there is some sort of god or other force outside of us, whatever it may be. when i was younger, i would “pray” asking for guidance or just for things to get better (this was mostly when i started to get very depressed during 2020, i was also only about 12 at that time)

to be honest, it really helps believing there is something looking out for me. i found comfort in knowing i wasn’t thrown into this to deal with it myself. even now, things get shitty but i know everything happens for a reason. i know im not just shoved out in the universe-

actually, i don’t really see it quite like this anymore…. but when i was younger i used to think about how there could be a specific being assigned to each person. not a god, nor an angel- except i guess that would be the closest comparison. but- it’s like- there’s something here. watching over just you and focusing on you and looking toward your future.

there’s so many bad things that have happened to me that ended up leading me to the most amazing things, things i could only begin to dream of. there’s no way that’s just- chance. i’m not that lucky.

i never told anyone about this. which is why i’m so hesitant to put it out here, but i find it really interesting…

especially now. my grandpa died in 2020. since then- we stopped going to church. honestly the memories tied to it are too much to bear without him.

but every holiday season i start hearing christmas music, silent night especially, since my church used to give everyone their own candles to hold as we sang it together, and i miss it. i would never admit this to my mom- i’m not sure she’d understand.

there’s just a certain atmosphere about it, something about being there. it’s weird too- i don’t really want to participate in organized religion (although i would NEVER reflect that on someone else. if you are involved that’s amazing, and i’m happy as long as you are. my general outlook on everything is: that’s cool for you and i don’t have a problem until you try to make me do something i don’t want to do)

i guess i just like being inside a church. it’s so calming, tranquil. maybe it’s the actual nostalgia tied to it, maybe it’s a connection with how i view a higher power… either way- it’s a non-traditional approach to religion. i hardly think of it as religion anyway… but it’s something that’s brewed in my mind for years and i’ve never really processed it- or spelled it all out before.

#char rambles #tw religious themes #this has literally been in my drafts for SO long

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lokavisi · 27 days

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Hey sorry if this seems completely out of the blue but I love your blog and was hoping you could maybe offer some advice on how to feel the gods' presence in my life more. I know my deities are there occasionally, I've met them in meditations and even had a dream visitation from Odin and Thor once, but at least recently it's become much harder to actually feel like they're there. Which is weird since I'm actually actively researching and praying to them more than I have before, and tbh the lack of direct messages from them is starting to make me question my faith altogether.

I know the most obvious answers to this problem are to meditate regularly and do more divination sessions with them, but if you have any extra advice please share 🙏 You seem so intuitive and able to communicate with the gods, I really want to learn how to do that too

Thank you for your question! It's ok to ask things out the blue. :) As per my wont, this will be a multiple paragraph response. Because apparently I can't just write a sentence and have that be enough lol.

I guess first I'd like to say that even I don't always feel the gods close by. Loki is extremely kinetic and mobile. Sometimes he feels like he's breathing down my neck, and others it feels like I'm straining to hear him. Like he's yelling without a megaphone from the opposite end of a football stadium. For other deities, sometimes they only really show up and/or I feel them around when they have something in particular they want to say. I may generally be able to hear them more than others, but I've spent *years* of practice tuning in to my intuition, sensing otherbeings, and going into trance journeys to see them. Essentially, it's perfectly normal and ok to not be able to sense them all the time. Whether you're well practiced or familiar with a deity, or not. That might not be particularly helpful to hear, but it certainly seems true from my own experience and hopefully gives you a little comfort.

Based on my experience, sometimes it's not about what you are or aren't doing to connect with them, but what the deities in question are doing. I certainly can't speak for them and I'm not trying to. I just mean to say that just because you don't feel them around when you're doing the work to connect with them doesn't mean they aren't there or don't care. For all we know they *are* around but something else is affecting your perception around their presence. Or maybe they have some reason for cloaking their presence or distancing themselves, like they're trying to teach you something. I know with Loki he often feels distant when there's something I need to work out on my own without much guidance. Also, now that I think about it, sometimes when I get too far into research deities can start to feel a little distant. My theory on that is that they want us to build our own relationships and understandings of them, not just taking the words of ancient peoples at face value. (That is not to say that doing historic/cultural research isn't important, or that it can't give you insights into the nature of the deities or strengthen your relationship with them. However, it is equally important to know them and relate to them on your own terms outside of ancient historical records.)

With that in mind, as far as advice goes, I'd say the more you intentionally do things with them in mind, the more you'll feel or hear them near; and also recognize that feeling an absence could indicate that you need to do some work on your own without their help. It requires a little discernment. In theory, the more you practice and start to hear them clearer, the easier it will be to hear them say, "Yeah this is all you, buddy." Though in the mean time you may need to trust your gut a little more. Ultimately, I think it boils down to just trusting that they are there and they hear you, and trusting your intuition. In human relationships we deeply value trust, and I think deities are no different in that regard. That's the whole "faith" piece, right? Trusting they hear you means trusting that they will at some point, in some way, make their response known. Maybe consider asking for some specific and tangible omens to indicate their presence. Something like asking to see a particular animal that is less common in your region, or to pull one very specific tarot card or rune. Something with lower probability of occurring normally so that it stands out when you see it and you can know that it's them.

Seeing as I've basically just written a short essay I think I'll stop there and hope that that was in any way helpful. If you'd like some more specific or pointed help, feel free to PM me and I'll see what I can do.

Don't fret too much. I'm sure Odin and Thor (or anyone else looking to connect with you) will make sure you know they're around when you need them. :)

#replies #deity communication #deity relationships #divination #i swear i never sit down planning to type a fucking essay it just happens #i guess working with such a verbose god is rubbing off on me in ways i didn't expect lol #advice

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hexblooddruid · 2 months

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for the uncommon oc questions, 3) How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?) & 7) What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? for Bryn & F) What do you feel when you think of your OC for you about Bryn!

Uncommon OC questions

3) How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Oooh this touches upon one of my favorite mechanical aspects of 5e, that prepared casters need to take one minute per spell level in meditation/prayer/what have you to prepare their spells. Bryn does her meditation before bed. In the main Act 1 Wilderness camps, she sets up her tent by the shore. For her evening meditations, she stretches out her short legs so she can dip them into the water and looks up at the stars as she prays for guidance.

7) What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Answered here!

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC?

I guess comfort? I have a few other OCs and BG3 playthroughs but I keep coming back to Bryn because she's my comfort zone. Her build is what's the most fun for me to play and it makes embodying her to write and think about her the easiest. I need to throw some Bryn in my creative routine to help clear out the cobwebs for others.

#bryn acevedo #thank you for asking!#i hope that last answer made sense lol

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khaire-traveler · 1 year

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hey can i ask you for religious advice? i’m helpol and i’ve found my way of worshipping is just different than other people’s. it’s not disrespectful or anything, i just don’t have the same casual relationship with gods like other people do, i guess. i think a lot of it has to do with just how i am, and the things affecting me.

(ex: i don’t have enough money to have big fancy altars or big offerings, so my offerings are usually in the form of emotion or things i do to honor them. i don’t pray everyday because i’m scared of being annoying. i have felt connection to deities who have no worshippers, etc etc.)

is this a common experience or is it just a me thing? and does it make me any less valid as a hellenic polytheist, or is it like considered a separate community in paganism all together? feel free to ignore for any reason. so sorry if i’ve bothered you

Hey, Nonny! You are absolutely NOT bothering me; I really enjoy giving advice and guidance when I'm able, so thank you for the ask! ☺️🧡

First of all, your way of worship is valid. You're doing nothing wrong, and it's important to realize that people will only share the best and most interesting parts of their worship online. They also don't show everything about their worship. The journey it took for some of these people to even just feel stable in their worship is not easily expressed through some pretty, fancy altar photo. So, yes, you are still a valid member of the Hellenic Polytheist community, even with your "uncommon" ways of worship, which are honestly not that uncommon.

Secondly, your worship sounds a lot more casual and true to how it actually is to begin working with deities than you may realize. Personally, I don't pray often - certainly not nearly every day 💀 - and I don't give many offerings physically, if at all. My altars are scattered, messy, and cluttered. They're as much of a work in progress as I am. There is no wrong way to worship, friend, and my best advice to give to you is to stop comparing yourself to other worshippers. Even in ancient times, practices varied completely from place to place - there was no one way to worship the gods. This still rings true for modern day. I've met Hellenic Polytheists who don't even use altars, simply because altars didn't line up with their beliefs. And you know what? That's ok! There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Worship the way that feels true and right to you, not to somebody else. Make up the rules as you go. Have fun with it! Spirituality is meant to bring comfort, joy, and happiness, so worship the gods however the hell you want.

Thirdly, worshipping unrecorded deities is more than ok! Several people I actually follow on here do that very thing. It's not wrong or bad, nor does it make you any less part of the community. You're still very welcome here with open arms, ok? You and your deity. You belong here for as long as you wish to. No one can tell you otherwise.

I hope this brought you some comfort. You're being very harsh with yourself, and I want you to know that the gods will not judge you for imperfect worship. They are imperfect gods; if anything, they expect imperfect worship! You have a place in this community just as much as the next person. You're welcome here. You don't have to change a single thing about yourself. Take care, and be gentle with yourself. 🫂

#asks #answered asks

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minseologs · 1 year

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Saving Grace

Minseo sits quietly inside the church, marveling at the beauty of the cathedral’s walls. She’s been here a few times in childhood, and yet she acts as if it’s the first time. The stained glass art filters through sunlight that gently illuminated her surroundings and particularly liked the way it hazed over her like a halo. She didn’t appear to have any thoughts, and it disrupts her when a priest joins in.

“Back from work, Minseo?” The voice calls out, and a man dressed in robes comes along. “My— I haven’t seen you inside church since Jinwoo’s Christening.”

“Father..! Yeah— it’s been a while...” she bows promptly, waiting for him to sit by her side and continues to just look straight to the altar. “I’m going for a vacation, actually—”

The priest sits at a comfortable distance, as if he had known Minseo for ages. “Let me guess… you’re here to find a peace of mind?”

“I’m guessing papa came here for the same thing.”

“It was your mother, actually…”

Her head averts to the priest, gaze strengthens as he was also just appears to be mindlessly staring at the altar. The church provided some kind safety net for them, as if she knew she wasn’t allowed to escalate any situation.

“Before you and your sister were born, your mother came here a lot to pray. She would always say that it gave her time to think. Just about everything.” He mentions, reminiscing what once was. “What’s troubling you?”

“I…” She hesitates. She was sure there was a problem, but in a way where she thought it shouldn’t have been an issue in any other person. Minseo leans back to her seat and could only sigh, thinking what a priest could do to fix her problems. “I’m just— feeling torn. As if I’m broken in to pieces and be given to others with different perceptions. I’m not saying I want to be liked by everyone. I’m saying what if they find out I’m not who they think they are? A weak, and fragile person? Suppose I’m looking for guidance now.”

He chuckles at the thought, much to her dismay. “My dear, God only knows who is right and who isn’t for you. I know for a fact as someone as kind as you would figure things out, because of his guidance.” He points at the cross, Minseo attempts to be respectful of the thought.

“Tell you what,” he offers, holding out a hand. “Let’s say the Lord’s Prayer and I’ll leave you be. You know that one, don’t you?”

“With due respect, father, you know I’m not the most religious person. It would feel wrong.” The priest insists, inviting the hand to her direction again. So she did like any other obeyed request in holy ground. “I’m not sure if the angels would even hear…”

“Why don’t we begin?” He nods, so she reaches out too, closing her eyes. “Our Father….”

Who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven…

In a sudden moment, Minseo recalls what had happened earlier that morning. She could hear plea in her head, and was beginning to lose focus. A man was screaming in her head with apologies.

Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses; as we forgive those who trespass against us…

“I’m loyal to you, Miss Choi, I swear…!! one more chance!! I made a mistake, I’m sorry!” Minseo remembers the feeling of pity, and anguish at once. The feeling of betrayal was fuming from her chest, and yet her face wouldn’t tell a thing. She watches as a guard points a gun on his head, and before she could see murder in her eyes, she looks down.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…

The church bell rings that jolts her out of trance. A gunshot was the last prominent thing she heard before the feeling of guilt washes over. Even if the blood wasn’t directly on her hands, she admits the defeat and exhaustion of constantly eliminating those who destroy her loyalty.

“Amen.”

Hands gently clasp hers, as if the priest gave her extra blessings. A gentle smile couldn’t help but pass by, in amusement and disbelief.

“I’ll make sure to visit the children at the orphanage again.”

He chuckles, “of course, child. they miss you and always wonder if you’re doing well.” He stands and she mirrors, bowing again as Minseo was on her own once more. The solitude made her feel watched.

“Why do you do this?” She asks, looking straight to the cross. “You’ve given me too many chances, did you think I was a cat?” Her head tilts a little, getting annoyed in her own actions. “Is it because I do the charity stuff? Because my family help you build this cathedral? Was that our saving grace or something?” Minseo waits for someone to answer, to no avail. It was just faint buzzing and the outside world doing the mundane everyday.

Her figure stands and promptly heads over to where the candles have been lit from previous visitors. She takes out her wallet and places a ₩50,000 bill in the donation box. She didn’t light a candle, only walking away from what she had hoped God hearing her thoughts.

#cms:story #she carries cash everyone #money money money #must be funny #in a rich mans world

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whentranslatorscry · 1 year

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Hitagi Honeymoon

009

“Well, well, I never thought I'd see the day when I could accompany the esteemed Araragi-senpai and the beloved Senjougahara-senpai on their honeymoon! There can be no greater honor! Oh, dear me, I seem to have let my excitement get the better of me. That's right, she’s no longer Senjougahara-senpai— she's the beloved Araragi-senpai! The honeymoon of the esteemed Araragi-senpai and the beloved Araragi-senpai!”

“Sharing a surname in marriage is trickier than I thought, especially for someone as inflexible as you. Uh, if Hitagi is trying to force her senpai persona on you just to have you tag along, please let me know before she arrives? I'll say something on your behalf.”

Descending from the mountain after seeking the guidance of the local deity, I made my way towards the rendezvous point— the Kanbaru residence. There at the entrance, I was greeted by my lively high school junior who was waiting with great anticipation.

As a medical student aspiring to be a sports doctor, she was wearing a white coat over her tracksuit— a rather inappropriate attire for a honeymoon, but then again, this wasn't Kanbaru's honeymoon.

By the way, when she served as a bridesmaid at our wedding, she had worn a pure white tuxedo-like outfit, stealing the spotlight not from the bride but from the groom instead.

Since retiring from the basketball team, she had grown her hair out a bit, but now it looked shorter, not quite a buzz cut, but shorter than when we first met. Well, being in the medical field, even as a student, was a bit more demanding than playing sports, I guess.

“Hmph, what do you think you're saying, Araragi-senpai? I've always dreamed of attending a party to bid farewell to your single lives ever since high school, and here you are testing me.”

“Planning such a thing since high school, huh…”

“Surpassing my dream, I am elated and surprised to be whisked away on your honeymoon. Speaking of surprises, I always thought you two would certainly get married, but I never expected you to become an FBI agent!”

“It's quite a surprise that you're aiming to be a doctor yourself… umm, medical school takes six years, right?”

“Yes, I'm graduating the year after next, so it's the perfect timing for me as well. There couldn't be a better timing for joining the two of you on your trip. It must be a reward from the gods.”

“I met that god just now. She says she'll pray for clear skies over Tochigi, all the way from a far-off mountain.”

Well, I don’t think a snail god can control the weather— but it did provide me with some comfort. At the very least, it cleared away one of my doubts.

“Hehe, to think of going to Senjougahara with Araragi-senpai, that's an idea that could only come from you, Araragi-senpai. I'm truly impressed.”

“Hm…? Did you mean Hitagi by the first Araragi-senpai?”

“Who else would there be?”

“Won't you call her Hitagi-senpai?”

“I could never presume to do something so bold.”

Ah, flexibility, it seems we've got none of that around here.

Whether coming of age or reuniting, it seems it’s always going to be a bit complicated dealing with a junior who’s climbed aboard the bandwagon. It was endearing, but that didn’t make it any less convoluted.

“Speaking of which, you and Hitagi were quite a convoluted pair, as well. When you were known the Senjougahara and Kanbaru— uh, what was it called again?”

“The Valhalla Duo. I hope you don't forget it— it's a treasured memory of mine.”

“Sorry… though I have to say it was a title you came up with yourself. I wanted to forget that origin. In hindsight, could Tochigi Prefecture’s Senjougahara have been similar to Valhalla?”

It was completely different since it was a battleground for gods, but the imagery seems somewhat close. At the very least, they both shared elements of mythology.

“Hmm. In middle school, I knew about Valhalla but not about the Senjougahara battlefield. If I had known about it, I might've called ourselves the Senjougahara Duo.”

“Your involvement would be lost if you did that… Although it's interesting to think about it, your name does include the word 'god'; it somehow suits you as the master of the North Shirahebi Shrine, rather than Hachikuji.”

“I wanted to become a doctor more than a god.”

It's quite incredible how resolutely she put it.

I could never say that I became a police officer, an FBI agent, or even a college student simply because I wanted to.

“To become an FBI agent without even wanting to be one only highlights the extraordinariness of you, Araragi-senpai. But then, why Washington?”

“It was supposed to be for Hitagi, but things have a way of not going as planned. We ended up being a married but separate couple for a while after tying the knot.”

“That's quite like Araragi-senpai too.”

“Which Araragi-senpai are you talking about?”

“I meant Araragi-senpai.”

Ah, it’s hard to tell… The distinction couldn’t be made through wordplay or different intonations. How does the world conduct itself in this matter? When two old acquaintances get married, how do they differentiate between each other?

“Even if I were to take on the Senjougahara family name, it wouldn't save me from this confusion. What do you think about this, Kanbaru? Since your mother is Gaen-san's sister, you could have been Gaen Suruga, right?”

“Who knows? After all, my parents eloped, so now, even whether they officially registered their marriage is questionable.”

“Could that really be the case?”

“Although I did introduce her as Kanbaru Tooe, it's not like I personally looked into my family's official records when I was just an elementary schooler. However, for Mom, considering the circumstances, she might have wanted to change my last name— to cut ties with the Gaen family.”

“Ah, yeah, Gaen-san’s family is a complicated one.”

“To be honest, it's difficult for me to answer the question, 'What if I were Gaen Suruga?' Regardless, if it had not been for the Kanbaru family taking me in after my parents passed away in an accident, I wouldn't be who I am today.”

I see…

More than just a name, it symbolized her identity. If the term family unity encompassed such things, it was indeed difficult to dismiss outright.

At the very least, completely refuting it wouldn't be fair.

“As for the issue of couples having the same or different surnames, I don't really have any comments to make. Personally, I'd rather see the laws regarding same-sex partnership systems put in place first. But even once that's settled, insisting on having the same last name might seem like a joke. As I mentioned before, I do have an attachment to my own last name, Kanbaru. However, I can understand the desire to share a name with the one you love. If I were still in high school, I wouldn't have hesitated to give up my grandparents' name to become Senjougahara Suruga.”

Yeah.

I suppose that's one way to think about it, and it should be respected. After all, even without being married, one might say that you should let others have their own chosen name.

I wonder if Hitagi thought about it that way too? Araragi Hitagi does have a nice ring to it, but it might have just been a playful whim.

“Suppose, there was a time in high school when you had the opportunity to become Hanekawa Koyomi, you’d have done it, wouldn’t you? Regardless of whether it led to dating or marrying later on?”

“Aah, actually, that’s right. I even wanted to become Araragi Tsubasa.”

“In a ‘wanna be like her’ way.”

“Well, I suppose in a broader sense, that's cosplay or something like that, but there's just something about the desire to merge with someone or something you love that's just irresistible. You might call it fusion, or maybe assimilation—”

Maybe that was the case even for vampires— the mechanism of being bitten and turning into a vampire through infection could be seen as similar. It was an unexplainable rationale otherwise.

“…So it's the feeling of being legally obliged to do that which makes it less appealing, I guess. It would have been nicer if the system allowed for mixing both options, sort of like averaging the two, rather than being forced to choose one of them.”

“Something like Senjougahararagi Koyomi?”

“Divided by two.”

“Gaharagi Koyomi and Gaharagi Hitagi?”

I had only said it based on my vague knowledge of some countries being like that, but it fits surprisingly well. Gaharagi.

Even Hachikuji doesn’t stutter like that.

“If it were about you and Hitagi's last names, you'd probably be called Valhalla Hitagi and Valhalla Suruga, right?”

“Not too bad.”

“Though I must say, there's no vibe of a finance investor and a sports doctor in that.”

“Ah, as for you and Oshino-san, it’s gotta be Arashino Koyomi. So cool.”

“Don't marry me off to Oshino. And the kanji would change.”

“It’d still be Arashino Koyomi if you married Shinobu-chan, though.”

“Hasn't my sense of values been updated? I thought I reached a point where I can't marry little girls anymore?”

Seriously though, marriage aside, what’s up with the bonds of names? It's like the entire family system is designed to bind individuals through their names— not just aberrations.

“That's why I decided to keep the Shinobu part of her name, if I were to adopt Shinobu as a foster child of Hitagi and me.”

“Eh? A foster child?”

“Oh man, I haven’t told you. Well, I've been secretly working on a plan. I was thinking of discussing it in the car, actually. After all, it's not like I can keep Shinobu in the shadows from my partner all the time we're married.”

“Wait a moment, Araragi-senpai. Are you planning something like this without telling Araragi-senpai?”

“If you mean Hitagi by Araragi-senpai, then yes. I initially planned on making it a surprise, but I received a divine revelation to not even attempt that. So, instead, I've decided to casually bring it up during our car ride.”

“I'd like to offer my own divine advice as well. Although I have no intention of meddling with your marital affairs, I think both surprising her and casually mentioning it in the car are not the best ways to go about it,” she said with a stern face.

Was it her medical background that made her feel this way? It felt more like I had just been diagnosed with a serious illness.

A second opinion, huh?

“Well… then, how should I tell her? If both a surprise and a casual conversation are off the table, what do you suggest? Speaking with my eyes?”

“Just tell her there’s something important you need to discuss with her. Bring it up the same way you did when you proposed to her.”

“How did you know I proposed?”

“Well, it's because I received a very long phone call right after it happened.”

“She hasn’t changed at all since high school, has she.”

I don’t think she was playing me up to her junior.

But, maybe it wouldn't be inaccurate to say the same about myself in high school. On closer observation, this also wasn’t something to be mentioned casually.

Marriage problems.

Right, because this was a problem.

When it comes to unity, wasn’t it actually downright indolent of me to have left Shinobu, who is, in a sense, one with me, inextricably linked to me, and with whom I share a common destiny, hanging in the air as we held our candlelit ceremony?

To adopt her and have her bound to my name seemed like a wise foresight, But wasn't it also quite the hindsight, in that it had come too little too late?

After all, as someone still attending the academy, I couldn’t quite shake off my student-like mentality. Though I wasn't a particularly studious individual, I was working in law enforcement, and such a disposition was certainly unbecoming.

“To Hitagi, it’s a bigamous marriage to begin with. The unbreakable bond of blood that exists between me and Shinobu is something she’s probably not comfortable with, which is why adopting her might be met with resistance.”

It's easy to sweep things under the rug by saying we shouldn't worry about it because she's an aberration, a ghost, a sister, or a corpse. But those excuses only work until you're out of high school, or perhaps up through the Heisei era.

“No, Araragi-senpai. As your junior, I can agree with you up to the point of considering her as a little sister. However, even high school me would be slightly bothered by a corpse. In any case, I understand there may be some things on your conscience, but surely you haven't forgotten?”

My junior Kanbaru, a.k.a. medical student Kanbaru, was attempting to continue her diagnosis of me, the patient. But, in that instant, a loud and somewhat obnoxious car horn rang out, interrupting our contemplative debate outside the Kanbaru family gate. The honking was quite rude by city standards, but it was my dear wife responsible for the commotion.

Araragi Hitagi's minivan— the ultimate combination of practicality and leisure— pulled up to join us. Just as I had ordered, a child seat was installed in the rear of the vehicle.

For now, we'd had to make do with a rented one, but eventually we'd invest in a custom made, heirloom-quality model that would last us a lifetime.

With a press of a button, the side door swung open, revealing that Hitagi's car— far from the old-fashioned type she tended to favor— was completely under electronic control. At the very least, I could safely assume this vehicle wasn't haunted, like the aforementioned corpse doll.

“Alright, let's go, Araragi-senpai. I've always been excited by the prospect of glamping— a combination of camping and glamor, after all.”

“Please don't take our glamping honeymoon so grammatically, Kanbaru-kun.”

It seemed she had already switched gears beautifully, but I wondered what Kanbaru was going to say. Regarding the issue of adoption, there was a lingering sense of unease, but nevertheless, our two-night, three-day honeymoon trip to the lost Senjougahara was to begin.

Prev Chapter | Next Chapter

#ikusamonogatari #monogatari series #translation #araragi koyomi #suruga kanbaru

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weakforarwen · 2 years

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The Eye of the Phoenix is such a good episode! It has adventure! humor! Gwen! Gwaine! Arwen! Merlin and Gwen! Merlin and Gwaine!

The episode's opening scene is one of the show's best. The solemnity of the entire affair: Arthur in all white, barefooted, ready to kneel all night to receive guidance from the spirits of the ancient Kings. The fact that he didn't fall asleep and actually went into a transe tells me that Gaius 100% slipped him something. Dude probably hallucinated his whole mission, but, really, it was all the Fisher King's doing, right?

It's hilarious that Uther and Arthur were anti magic and superstition but believed the spirits of the ancient Kings could communicate with them. Even funnier is that the mission was to find the resting place of an ancient King, who had also been a warlock, and steal a Trident from him. In the path to the Fisher King Arthur even encountered magic. The hypocrisy... Make it make sense. Arthur risked his life just to steal a useless Trident from an old King and keep it as a trophy. Men are the worst. Arthur's happiness when he found the shabby looking Trident was hilarious though. Merlin and Gwaine's reactions were priceless. What was even the point of the whole quest? Uther was really all about old-fashioned tradition. One of the biggest days in Arthur's life was praying on his knees to figure out which useless quest he was supposed to embark on alone, knowing that to succeed on his chosen mission meant he was ready to become King, because we all know stealing someone else's riches is the hallmark of a great King... Like Merlin said, it was a glorified treasure hunt.

Anyway, the opening scene was hilarious. Gwen and Merlin making fun of Arthur was everything:

G: What's he actually doing? M: Thinking. G: About? M: You. Shhh. He has to decide upon a quest. G: And crouching on his knees all night is going to help? M: Yes. He has to transcend his body so that the quest is revealed to him in a vision. G: And you're going to stay here and watch him? M: Gwen, this is one of the most important days in a prince's life.

Perfect. Cute and funny and everything. Arthur's a dumbass but he's their dumbass.

The episode was really funny overall. I liked all the Arthur and Merlin scenes, even those where Merlin was hiccuping and disturbing Arthur's "concentration". The entire episode was just making fun of Arthur for being so serious about such a stupid tradition and it was wonderful.

When Gwaine and Arthur finally rescued Arthur and he was angry they interrupted his quest, I could honestly relate. I'm like that when my parents bother me even if they are technically helping me. I'm a brat, same as Arthur. Merlin was so indulgent though, in a fond yet exasperated way. To be fair, Arthur had probably been dreaming all his life about following in his ancestors' footsteps and going on an adventure to prove he was worthy of becoming King - we know Arthur loves to prove himself in useless ways - and yet he had to be rescued by his servant and Gwaine. I guess I can understand why he felt annoyed... But what I can't understand is how he didn't wonder why he'd been so sleepy? It's like he forgot he'd been on the verge of passing out for no reason the whole time. How did he justify that?

Also, how did Merlin find Gwaine? How did he know which town or kingdom he was in? He wasn't in Camelot, right? And he found Gwaine so quicky? They didn't have GPS or cars. Just horses and faulty maps...

Gwaine was such a blast. I adore his friendship with Merlin and how he wasn't impressed by Arthur - who, btw, didn't even say thank you to Gwaine for saving his life, but did say he wouldn't forget what he'd done. The last time I watched this episode, Arthur's ungratefulness bothered me, but this time it amused me. I think he was grateful and acting annoyed was his way of showing he felt safe and comforted to not be alone anymore. Even the part where Merlin asked for a day off and Arthur said no was endearing this time.

I just wished we'd had more Arwen (their kiss was super cute, and Gwen's surprise and delight was adorable, but I wanted to see their reunion and not just Gwen being happy Arthur had come back safe), and at least one Gwaine/Gwen moment! We were robbed of their friendship. They were so cute in the Gwaine episode, but we got nothing after that. I know Gwaine wasn't allowed back in Camelot, but even just a mention of Gwen by Gwaine would've been great!

On a more serious note, Arthur did well on his stupid quest. He was dying it but he almost made it without help. Even though it wasn't his quest, he proved himself still.

Now, the Fisher King... I had a theory that he was another Emrys and/or Arthur's predecessor, and that thought stands, but I'm very confused by him. He was like Merlin and Arthur in one, but what does that mean for the characters?

The Fisher King was immortal and had magic, but was his purpose, like Merlin, to help Arthur? He said he could finally die now that the age of the Once and Future King was upon them, which could mean he'd been waiting for his successor. He'd been a legendary King, like Arthur was destined to become, and Morgana's bracelet killed him. It had been made for Arthur but wearing the bracelet was enough to kill him without him needing to spell it... because he was Arthur's kin? Or was it a plot hole? The Fisher King lived centuries and served Albion in its hour of need by helping Merlin. With his death, the curse upon his lands was lifted, so he saved his Kingdom one last time too. But he hadn't been Albion's True King. Perhaps that made him another Emrys, for it was also Merlin's job to save Albion? The Fisher King hadn't waited for Arthur; it had been Merlin's quest to find him, not Arthur's. According to him, only Merlin could save Albion. But wasn't that Arthur's destiny? Or would Arthur only save Albion after he became the Once and Future King? Until then, it was up to Merlin? It's so hard to separate Arthur and Merlin's destinies; they're one and the same, really, but this was another episode that made me wonder why Albion needed Arthur at all if it seemed Merlin was meant to do everything? Is it because Arthur had political power and an Army?

As for Morgana, Gwen clearly saw her do magic and went to Gaius because she felt scared and didn't know what to do. So why didn't she tell Arthur? She feared Morgana and Gaius confirmed her suspicions. Had she been trying to spare Morgana's life and wait to see what else she'd do? But she still kept quiet after Queen of Hearts, when she knew of Morgana's betrayal... She may not have had proof, but that didn't matter. Would Arthur have told Gwen her eyes tricked her when she saw Morgana practice magic? Would he have told her Morgana's unusual behavior was due to the drama she'd experienced while she was gone? Would he have dismissed Gaius and Merlin's suspicions too? I can imagine Arthur doing all that, but I can also imagine Gwen being able to convince him. Not telling Arthur was a betrayal in itself...

#bbc merlin #bbc arthur #bbc gwen #bbc arwen #bbc morgana #bbc gwaine #merlin #arthur pendragon #gwen pendragon #arwen #morgana #gwaine #the eye of the phoenix commentary #the eye of the phoenix

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lookitschristee · 2 years

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How do we overcome grief?

Guess what? We don't.

"Time doesn't heal anything and no one really overcomes pain, we just learn to live with it."

"UNTIL I SEE YOU AGAIN" I couldn't imagine this season to unfold

I knew it was coming, but never this cold

Fragments of hurt wreathing within my soul

Jeopardizing each breakthroughs untold

Every milli-second reminiscing history

Wishful thinking to forever live with thee

Every minute beseeched the Father above

To experience another embrace, caress, and love

Oh, Lola.

Could it be?

Could we be?

I'm honestly tongue-tied, inarticulate, aghast, and numb

Wondering if I'd see you behind the clouds

Wounding immensely, unable to surmount

Breathing another mourning dysfunctional whilst drowned,

from the thoughts of waking up another day of you no longer around

Yet, it's grace that made you in peace

To be in tranquility, to be appeased

Heart finally rested from scrape hurts over the years;

in light's paradise, opalescent joy and the absence of tears

Hence, in comfort, I pray nothing but this, "Incepto ne Desistam"

for our lives are eternally His

Perhaps my rhymes refuses to end,

Like burrowing roots, delving to extend.

But it has to. I got to. I ought to

fully surrender this heart to mend

No worries Lola Linda, rest assured I'll live a fruitful and purposeful life until I see you again. 🕊️🤍

You're my everlasting Angel, Lola Linda. Your morals and guidance equips me perpetually. You will be forever missed, Lola. I love you dearly!

- Love your Bunsong Kambal na Apo

(In loving memories of my one and only Lola Erlinda Fernadez-Tero, who has united with the Lord last June 5, 2022, 13 days before her 82nd Birthday on June 18th, 2022)

#grief poetry #grandmother #SoundCloud

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karama9 · 4 months

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Crossover, mini Link meet

You know what everyone who doesn't remember Hero and who's not reading All That Hurts Us need?

A crossover of the two!

See, the thing is, Hero!Link is super easy to cross over with any other Link because he can send his spirit to visit his past selves. So I couldn't resist getting him to bother ATHU!Link for a bit.

And besides, getting several Links to interact is pretty popular nowadays, right?

***

Hyrule Field, not far from the Great Plateau, two nights after Heroes’ Day

Link knew he should sleep – there was nothing else productive he could do at the moment. He had no idea what to do next other than seeking guidance or help from the Goddesses, which was already pretty desperate, and he couldn’t do that until morning.

So he was lying down on his side, eyes closed, as comfortable as he could be with his travel blanket and pillow, and he was wide awake.

He was therefore on his feet, ready to draw in a flash when he heard someone clearing their throat.

He stared. The only thing around was what appeared to be the ghost of a… not quite Hylian person. Their skin was pale like most Hylians, but their ears were barely pointy at all. Whoever it was, they’d had a rough life: they were so skinny and slight that every one of their bones in the unclothed parts of their body seemed ready to poke out of their skin. Link guessed they’d died of hunger.

The apparition was staring right back.

“Who…” it said. And then looked around. “Okay, er, this is going to sound like a weird question but... is there anyone around who… er… wait. Is that…?”

The strange ghost’s eyes had just fixed on the handle of the Master Sword. Link’s eyes narrowed slightly. He was very confused and the last thing he needed right now was for his life to get more complicated.

“The Master Sword,” he confirmed. “Who or what are you looking for?”

The apparition’s eyes widened. “It IS you!” he exclaimed. “Ok, that makes more sense. Sorry I didn’t recognize you, you look different. First time I see a past me with dark skin. Wait. Your ears! You’re not even Hylian!”

Link quirked an eyebrow. Most of that was utter gibberish. He took a wild guess based more on the ghost’s reaction to the sword than to anything he had said. “You’re looking for the Hero? And you didn’t know I was Sea Folk?”

The apparition scratched its head and looked down. “We don’t know that much about most of the past ones,” he said.

Link tilted his head. “Past ones?”

The apparition swallowed and then did a little waive. “Hi. Sorry if I woke you up. I’m your future self. I can send my spirit into the past. I had NO idea some of my past selves were not Hylian! You say you’re from the sea?”

Link lowered his hand away from the handle of his sword. The apparition was making it very difficult to feel threatened.

“My grand-parents came across the sea to Hyrule. They weren’t living on the Sea or anything, it’s just that… well, that’s how you get here from there. I was born here, my parents were born here, but the lot of us are called Sea Folk. I’m not sure I believe you’re my future self, for the record. Just the same, what do you want?”

“I was aiming for someone who was trying to get help from the Goddesses,” the apparition said. “I… need their help. But I don’t know how to ask for it. Zelda says to pray, but we tried that, and it’s not working. We’re probably doing it wrong.”

“The Princess’s prayers are going unanswered even though it’s your last resort?” Link said. The idea was a bit horrifying, mostly because it confirmed the same thing could very well happen to him tomorrow morning. “Where did you try? It might be desecrated. Do you have any way to tell?”

The apparition’s eyebrows were threatening to disappear in his hairline.

“It matters where you do it?” he said. “What’s desecerated? Is it bad?”

Link sagged a bit. “You have absolutely no idea what you’re doing, do you?” he asked.

The apparition blushed and shook his head. “Zelda doesn’t either. She knows about praying, and when we did it to the Sages it worked, but…”

Link sat down and gestured for the apparition to do the same.

“Ok. Goddesses are only sort of omniscient. They are, but for the most part they’re not paying attention. The Three LEFT Hyrule, you know that much, right? They mostly don’t get involved. And Hylia… she hasn’t left but...” he trailed off. Hylia was not always aware of suffering in the present because she was stretched between the past and the future.

“That’s what I told Zelda!” Link said. “We have to figure out how to get them to hear us first if we want them to do what we're asking!”

Link felt heat going to his head and did his best not to scowl too hard. He got up but schooled his voice as well as he could to sound merely pissed instead of furious as he stared down his supposed future self. The apparition startled anyway.

“Okay, listen,” Link said. “I, and every other hero, have the Goddesses’ blessings. Farore grants us the courage to put up with all this and to keep fighting, and to face anything. Din gives us so, so much power. And Nayru gives us the wisdom and love we need to put that courage and power to a purpose and to feel something else than doomed. And Hylia… is harder to explain.” Hylia was literally in love with their soul and mourning their separation, but her blessings were less predictable and much harder to pinpoint. “The point is, they deserve your respect. Don’t entertain the thought of them sitting in wait for the opportunity to do as mortals bid. That’s beyond insulting. Prayers are not spells that compel them to do what you want.”

The apparition had the good sense to look chastised and not to argue.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “How do I reach them? How do I ask for help nicely?”

Link took a deep breath. “All right. You say you’re from the future? How much of the Great Plateau is still standing? How are the temples?”

The apparition blinked. “I don’t know what the Great Plateau is,” he said apologetically.

Link sighed. “No worship, no great plateau… I guess it follows. Are the three Sacred Springs still around?”

The apparition shook its head. “I have no idea what those are. I’m making the future look bad, aren’t I?”

Link shrugged. “IF you’re from the future,” he said. “I honestly have enough to worry about in my current lifetime without fretting about a future one ahead of schedule. Anyway, if there’s no actual proper place of worship, I think your best bet is places they would like. Shrine or not, they’re more likely to notice you there.”

He held up a finger. “Farore likes plant and animal life, particularly forests. Her shrine was in Faron Woods but it’s been defiled… not sure she’ll go back there in particular.” He held up a second finger. “Nayru likes water and ice. That can be anywhere almost, but the more the better? Her shrine is on top of a frozen mountain right now.” He held up a third finger. “Din likes fire of course. Look on or around Death Mountain.”

He paused and crossed his arms. “Hylia… ok, I don’t want to get into details if you don’t already know them, but if you really are the Hero reborn, Hylia might listen to you if you need her. Even more so than to her Royal Highness Princess Zelda.”

The apparition looked thoughtful. “It’s mostly Zelda that’s been trying,” he said. “You think I might be able to reach Hylia? Would… would she be able to help with…” he trailed off.

“If you’re from the future, does it really strategically matter what you reveal to me?”

The apparition bit his lips.

“We’re trying to get the triforce back from Ganon,” he finally said.

Link’s legs suddenly gave out and he found himself falling back on his blanket.

“Ganon… has the TRIFORCE??” he asked. “All of it? How?? There’s no WAY he managed balance! It should separate as soon as he makes a wish again, and only grant part of it! He can’t have all of it!”

The apparition did not meet his eyes. “Zelda said it should separate too, but it hasn’t yet. She thinks he’s not actually joining them, just keeping them until he figures it out. They’re still giving him power though.”

“Would it kill you to respect the Princess too…” Link groaned before shaking his head. He knew he was focusing on something that didn’t matter to distract himself from the thought of Ganon having gotten his hands on the triforce again, but seeing as this particular issue was literally Future Him’s problem, he felt he could allow himself some leeway for his own peace of mind.

“Oh, er. Zelda in my time is not a princess. We don’t have Kings and stuff anymore.”

Link’s eyes widened. “She has no title at all, she’s just a regular citizen? Doesn't that make it harder to keep track of Hylia’s bloodline?”

The apparition tilted his head briefly but shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean, sorry. I better go and try praying to Hylia. Thank you!”

He vanished instantly, leaving Link to stare at empty air.

#All That Hurts Us #Hero or more accurately Moving On #crossover #just for fun #Link of Given #Hero of Times #Legend of Zelda #my writing #Link Meet AU

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followmythoughts · 7 months

Text

11/06/23

To: M

we were too close to the stars, i never knew somebody like you - falling just as hard.

i have always liked the song called reflections by the neighborhood, but then you came; and then whenever i hear this song my stomach churns. i don't know whether it's positive or negative. you made me relate to the lyrics, and i associated the song to you. i honestly never knew somebody like you. i have never known a person who could read me so well and can put my feelings into words. you comfort me everytime, you understand me, you're kind, you're everything.

i think that's why i fell for you. everything about you is daylight, but slowly it turned red. no, nothing changed about you - it's just when i realized that you will never ever see me more than a friend. it was getting unhealthy for me, because it was distracting me from everything. and i wanted peace. so i lied. i lied about being busy, i lied about going somewhere despite actually going nowhere. you know me so well that i see my reflection in your eyes - and i guess that's what scared me. you knowing the depths within my soul also meant you knew how to break me just as hard.

is it morally permissible for me to prioritize my feelings this once? if i were to sever all communication then it would be beneficial for my own peace but then this act could make u think u did something wrong when you actually did none. it's all me.

i can't justify my feelings of jealousy because in your perspective our relationship remains confined to mere friendship. severing our ties solely based on these emotions makes me selfish. we talked once about your values about friendship and one thing i noticed was your unwavering commitment to preserving them. if, i, as a friend chose to cut off our relationship it would undoubtedly make you feel hurt. and my sincere wish is to make you feel happy at all times. if doing so would make you feel hurt then i would rather bear the burden of my unrequited emotions than make u feel bad by cutting you off just to evade the weight of my own selfish desire to escape this one-sided feeling.

i can never escape you. for even the way i write serves as a constant reminder of your encouragement and guidance, and your music preferences have woven themselves into my playlist. i may think of you softly from time to time, but i’ll cut off my hand before i reach for you again. i will cut off my own hand because nothing hurts more than knowing if the world were to end in 5 minutes, i would call you to tell you i like you, but the line would be busy because you’d be on the phone to someone else and i don't think i have the capability to endure that.

i sometimes think it would've been better if you hadn't reached out to me that day, it would've been better if we stayed as old friends. but then other times, i take it back.

i take it all back because then who was gonna teach me how to write these deep big english words? who can stay up late night and talk philosophy topics with me? i am forever thankful that you came into my life, but i just wish i hadn't caught feelings.

yes, yes yes. i do. i do like you. i'm afraid of saying the bigger word but i do. please hold my hand one more time. it's fine if you break it, atleast you cared enough to hold it. how can i deceive myself into believing that your laughter doesn't stir something within me? they will hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if i still like you and i will say no but the needle will jump and sputter exactly how you laugh.

i know all the details. the way your eyes crinkle, the way your small fangs show and the way your eyes almost disappear. i know it all.

please let me move on. i want to move on. please don't call me again. please don't message me again because i want to achieve peace for myself. and i know that one message and i'll come running back so i pray to whoever is up there that please. please let me forget about you. forget about me too.

i hope one day, i forget the way you sound, the way you talked to me, because if I don't forget, then i will truly never be able to move on. please be well. go succeed and become a successful therapist with your own name and clinic.

i wish you well. i hope you get everything you've ever wanted in life and i hope i never hear a single thing about it.

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lets-talk-spirituality · 1 year

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Hello, I was wondering if there is anything spirit can tell me about my soulmate? Can you pick up when/if I'll meet them? 🌜

Let’s see!

Hark the herald angels sing! Maybe they like Christmas music, it’s a choir singing it, maybe they grew up in a Christian household going to church, white choir robes, maybe they are at choir rehearsal because the song is on repeat “god and sinner reconcile” I think this feels like this person is conservative and traditional and stays close to their comfort zone, they don’t like to break rules

Soulmate speaks:

Hi! I��m nervous, what do I say, I mean I never really believed in this stuff, but meditating is like praying, I’m not dogmatic I just idk it’s all woo woo stuff (talking a mile a minute, anxious of like everything they are saying, nervous to impress or you won’t understand or like them) I do believe in a higher power and I think we all have someone, I’m not sure where you are, and on my sad days I hate you because I feel you exist so I can’t be content in my loneliness, but I do love the life I have (seeing them with nieces and nephews, family oriented, very balance between all the areas, has some friends and works out, very by the book) I just wish I weren’t alone sometimes but everyone says I’m catch and just wait. I’ll guess we’ll see.

Card Pull

Druid Craft Tarot

The hermit, reversed—loneliness, isolation, fear of old age, imprudence

You may be searching for a relationship and feel lonely, or fear spending old age alone, feelings of betrayal or being let down by someone to who you turned for guidance, a midlife crisis—the hermit offers to guide you through the dark regions of your soul and of consciousness.

When I was shuffling I had this thought of like you aren’t meant to be asking this question and I was worried about cards coming out at all, so not shocked by this card. This card is for you, it’s about you looking to a relationship to fill you up and being comforted by the idea of not being alone. Alone is a gift and it’s hard to remember it is until you never have it, we always want what we don’t have as humans, we want time alone until we are gifted it and then we are sad to have no one. You are alone to develop yourself. The more you develop yourself, the more your life will brighten, light up, and become alive. You’ll feel the energy or flow of existence again.

This is card number 9 which shows the end of a cycle, so you are ending this cycle of being other focused and instead focusing on self.

The moon reversed— confusion, fantasy, depression, substance abuse, hidden difficulties

Serious problems resulting from disturbances in you psyche, you or others may have been telling lies, involvement in a relationship that is plagued with fantasy, if you need to make important decisions or binding commitments be very careful

When this came out I laughed because you used the moon emoji. But this card feels heavy and directed at you, maybe who you think is your soulmate is not and you holding onto that is creating delusion in your life, you may believe in a fantasy that is depressing you, you need to examine your belief systems and where this need to fantasize is coming from, what are you escaping and how can you integrate instead, I just keep getting this feeling that you have been lying to yourself and maybe others about this thing that feels real to you but is a fantasy, right now you can’t see clearly, which is again showed with the hermit reversed, whatever this loneliness or isolation is, it’s causing you to create delusions, you need to find your way back to presence, also this card has very like afflicted Neptune energy, like maybe something squaring Neptune or opposite, but check out Neptune in your chart, the house and sign may help you see where you tend to self delude and fantasize.

This card is 18, another 9, ending of cycles, the universe wants you to see where you are lying to yourself and change so that you can be happy and move forward on your path!

I hope this helps :) would love to know how it resonates.

#channeled message

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