#i feel like this post has been made before but if it has i’ve not reblogged it. so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bengiyo · 3 days

Note

I can say with confidence that our collective favorite show, between you and me, is What Did You Eat Yesterday?, the GOAT BL, and an exemplary example of a slice of life drama. What are your other favorite slice of life dramas, BLs and non-BLs?

Thank you for this ask. I have been trying to stay out of a bunch of discussions about this, but it seems that people feel really strongly about how people talk about a mid-tier BL produced by the largest producer of BL content in the world, currently sold as a premium product exclusively on a Chinese streaming platform, and currently receiving almost universal acclaim from its viewership on this platform. So, since I am possibly the only person who has posted publicly how much this show doesn’t work for me, I will continue with my task and clear up some confusion I’m having with the discourse.

We Are…Struggling With Definitions

Thankfully, @lurkingshan provided a good framework to discuss what slice-of-life even means. While I am willing to accept that a strong episodic structure is not inherently required for a good slice-of-life drama, the bite-sized nature of an episode lends itself to enabling clear stories about the complexities of mundane human existence. It’s a very popular genre, especially in anime. As I said in an earlier post, this is a mature genre with a long tradition.

Most of my favorite approaches to slice-of-life are from Japan. When America does slice-of-life, you get it more as sitcoms than thoughtful dramas about everyday life. One of my favorites would probably be Midnight Diner. As Shan defined before, a good slice-of-life drama could go on forever, and in so many ways Midnight Diner has.

I’m actually currently watching Three Star Bar in Nishi Ogikubo because Machida Keita and Fujiwara Kisetsu are in it.

We Are…Already Familiar With Slice of Life QL

We’ve actually had a few QL projects cover the slice-of-life feeling before.

You and I are both big fans of What Did You Eat Yesterday?, a show I loved so much we had to do a whole podcast episode about it.

On the lesbian side of the equation, we have the lovely She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

We also had Naked Dining, which I had some mixed feelings about.

There's the gay dads drama from Taiwan in Papa & Daddy.

For people who seem to struggle with non-Thai productions, there’s also Ingredients with everyone’s favorite singer Jeff Satur.

Besides, I argue firmly that Tadaima, Okaeri is the only true slice-of-life BL airing right now. It’s the married gay dads show we’ve been asking forever to get, and it’s even in the omegaverse!

We Are…Possibly Suffering From Recency Bias

It’s surprising for me how hard everyone has fallen for this show, considering the long history of reactions to New Siwaj’s work. He’s been in the genre for over a decade.

I am intimately familiar with this man’s work, and have been a Make It Right Apologist for years. I’ve been with this man since I got into the genre. This isn’t even his first attempt at 16 episodes about boys in college.

Everyone else watched My Engineer at the time, but I watched EN of Love and was not surprised when Love Mechanics got its own full series afterwards. I’ve been with this man working through gay angst in Make it Right, examining intergenerational queer trauma in Until We Meet Again, fumbling through Between Us, trying for something in Dear Doctor I’m Coming For Soul, hustling in Even Sun, still crying with him over Love of Siam (2007) in My Only 12%, and squandering everyone’s time in Absolute Zero.

It’s kinda baffling to me that I’m catching strays over not liking New Siwaj works in 2024. It feels weird that the show I’m getting heat over not liking is the least-queer thing I think he’s ever made. I don’t know what that says about current BL tastes. I will say this plainly every time: Queer Truth is Non-Negotiable For Me In a Genre About Boys Kissing Each Other. If that statement bothers you, please swerve on.

We Are…Not the Only Examples of Queer Fun

While we’re here, I wanna talk about how there really is a whole gay world outside of BL. I feel very strongly that Western viewers are extremely rude and often racist when it comes to their disdain of BL. However, there is all kinds of fun to be had in queer cinema if you can handle projects made more than a few years ago.

If you want silly fun, you can always go to TLA Releasing. They funded an entire gay parody of the American Pie franchise. They’re great for the types who want to see pretty people smile at each other and have sexy times.

If you’re in the mood for something a bit more serious and heartfelt, you can dip by Strand Releasing. They have one of the best coming-of-age queer films I’ve ever seen. They also picked up a really melancholy Japanese film called Egoist.

My favorite studio, who shows up repeatedly on my BL Syllabus is Wolfe Releasing. They have my all-time favorite Big Eden (2000), and many others.

My point is that there is a huge world of queer media out there well beyond the latest mid-tier BL from GMMTV designed to keep the boys working. We also don’t need to argue that some of their shows are more queer than they actually are, especially when Cooking Crush is right there.

Thanks for the ask!

44 notes · View notes

anotherhumaninthisworld · 2 days

Note

How many relationships did Robespierre have and who were they? if you can tell a little about it

I’m currently working on compiling as much information as possible about Robespierre’s different relationships. Those I’ve done so far are:

The relationship between Robespierre and Saint-Just

The relationship between Robespierre and Desmoulins (btw, comparing the notes on this post and the SJ one, I think it’s pretty clear who has already won the shipping contest currently on…)

The relationship between Robespierre and Brissot

The relationship between Robespierre and Marat

The relationship between Robespierre (and his siblings) and the Duplay family

The relationship between Robespierre (and his sister) and Fouché

The relationship between Robespierre and Pétion (planning to remake this one)

I’m not an expert on any relationship beyond these yet, but when it comes to people of which it is established Robespierre was the personal friend (bc were we to talk about people he is confirmed to have had any form of contact/relationship at all with we would of course be here all night) this is basically what I’ve got so far (feel free to send an individual ask about those you consider more interesting, then it will be easier to give a more satisfying answer):

Pre-revolution

Robespierre and his five years younger brother Augustin grew up together at their grandparents’ house, but from 1769-1781 and 1781-1787 respectively the two spent the majority of the year studying in Paris and consequently saw very little of one another. Once the revolution rolled around Augustin came to visit his brother two times before being elected a deputy and permanently moving to Paris in 1792. We have several letters from Augustin in Arras to Maximilien in Versailles/Paris (but none the other way around). The two were evidently close, and when Maximilien was ordered arrested on July 27 1794, Augustin asked to share his fate.

After the death of their mother and disappearance of their father in 1764, Robespierre and his two years younger sister Charlotte grew up seeing each other only once a week until the former headed to Paris in 1769. After he graduated in 1781, he and Charlotte lived with each other up until the opening of the Estates General, after which Charlotte didn’t see him again for three years (save a short trip he made to Arras in 1791). According to Paul Villiers, who served as Maximilien’s secretary for a time, he sent a quarter of his fees to ”a sister in Arras whom he held a lot of affection for” during this period. In 1792 Charlotte moved to Paris with her younger brother where the two moved in with Maximilien’s host family. The three siblings got into a conflict and were seperated as enemies, different sources giving us different answers regarding exactly what for.

During his time as a lawyer in Arras, Robespierre and his siblings were close to his fellow lawyer Antoine Buissart and his family. They kept this contact up during the revolution, and we have several letters exchanged between Maximilien, Augustin and Antoine conserved. They did however eventually fall out with one another due to ”the terror” carried out in Arras in the spring of 1794, and after Robespierre’s execution Buissart was quick to abandon and denounce him.

During his time as a student at the college of Louis-le-Grand it would appear Robespierre gained a friend/school rival in the future dramatist and man of letters Beffroy de Reigny. In 1786 Robespierre sent him two of his most recent works to insert in his journal, Beffroy responding by celebrating his success and saying he ”perfectly remembers the role played at the College by his amiable study companion; a talent like his is not meant to be forgotten.” He did however quickly grow to dislike the revolution, and in works written in the years following Robespierre’s death he claimed to have never been his friend.

The Revolution

Robespierre and Danton were good friends, or at least good brothers in arms. In 1792 Danton offered his ”dear friend” a job at the Revolutionary Tribunal, and the next year Robespierre adressed what is probably the most sentimental of his conserved letters to Danton, consoling him over the loss of his wife and telling him ”I love you (tu) more than ever, until death.”

Robespierre had a good relation with the Roland couple, Mme Roland writing in her memoirs that she thought him ”an honest man” and that they sometimes dined together. They eventually fell out with each other over the war question, but not before Manon had written Robespierre a letter asking for a meeting so that they could sort out their differences.

Robespierre was also at first good friends with the ”girondin” and fellow National Assembly member François Buzot, who in his memoirs wrote that Robespierre had told him ”I esteem you, because I know you well” even in 1793. In his defense (1793), the girondin Gensonné wrote that ”In 1791 and 1792, Robespierre had the most intimate liasons with Pétion, Buzot and Roland, how can he accuse them today without accusing himself?”

Robespierre and Georges Couthon quickly got to know each other after the latter’s arrival in Paris in September 1791, although it’s possible they started out on less than friendly terms. We have a letter from Robespierre to Couthon dated August 9 1792 where he tells him he ”anxiously await news of your (votre) health.[…] May you soon return to your homeland and we await with equal impatience your return and your recovery.”

Robespierre was also good friends with Philippe Le Bas. The best source for their relationship is the memoirs of the latter’s wife Élisabeth, where she numerous times has the two say flattering things about one another. On 9 thermidor, Le Bas, like Augustin, volonteered to share Robespierre’s fate.

Robespierre was good friends with Collot d’Herbois, who also knew his host family (this can be observed via letters from Collot to Robespierre dated November 23 and December 1, and a letter from him to Maurice Duplay dated December 5). They eventually fell out with each other in 1794, but it’s unclear exactly when and why.

Robespierre had a friend in his doctor Joseph Souberbielle. In his Histoire de la Révolution française (1869) the historian Louis Blanc reported Souberbielle to have spoken warmly about him even decades after his death.

During his time on the Committee of Public Safety, Robespierre wrote a list containing the names of around 115 men he described as ”patriots with more or less talent,” many of which held (thanks to his list?) important functions. On first place on the list we find Martial Hermann, president of the revolutionary tribunal and later chairholder of the Commission of Civil Administration, Tribunals and Claude-François Payan, head of the Paris commune, who are both proven to sometimes have turned directly to Robespierre regarding things that concerned the entire Committee of Public Safety (1, 2, 3, 4), as well as François Dumas, president of the Revolutionary Tribunal April-July 1794 and Jean-Baptiste Coffinhall, judge at said tribunal, who both public procecutor Fouquier-Tinville and Barère, Billaud-Varennes and Collot-d’Herbois after thermidor would claim to everyday have gone home to Robespierre to discuss the tribunal’s upcoming affairs. If Robespierre was the personal friend of the four is harder to say, but all of them would nevertheless be executed as his ”accomplices.”

Another person on the list is the young Marc-Antoine Jullien who served as representative on mission 1793-1794 and often turned to Robespierre directly when reporting about things going on (according to From Jacobin to Liberal: Marc Antoine Jullien 1775-1848 (1993) by R.R Palmer: ”of Jullien’s known letters written during this period twenty-one were addressed to Robespierre, but eighteen were addressed to the CPS as a whole, and twenty-nine to four other members of the Committee.”) He was arrested right after thermidor and would deny having had any association with Robespierre, but it would still be more than a year before he was released. His mother Rosalie Jullien was her too a big admirer of Robespierre and dined with him a couple of times.

Another one of the people on the list is Jean Charles Guislain Mathon, an arragois childhood friend of Robespierre who, after the siblings fell out with each other, offered Charlotte asylum at his house ”in spite of [the brothers’] protests.” She moved in with him after their execution and stayed there for the rest of her life.

#robespierre #maximilien robespierre #ask #frev #being Robespierre’s friend basically means you can either choose between:#dying for him #dying with him #dying because of him #denounce him and pretend you never knew him so you can save yourself from dying

51 notes · View notes

pouletaulait · 2 days

Text

"Do you even intend to quit – not really" 🧐

After reading Chapter 58 I thought about this exchange between Yashiro and Kage for a bit:

At first sight this might suggest that Yashiro actually considers staying in the Yakuza. I think based on what we know and how this statement is framed though, I come to the conclusion that this suggests the exact opposite in fact; Yashiro’s reluctance to stay in the Yakuza shines through yet again.

Granted, in the above scene Yashiro does in fact say that he doesn’t really want to quit BUT what he said before that stood out to me. Confronted by Kage about how he’s still affiliated with the Yakuza he first diverts his question by saying „don’t say things as if you’re an ordinary person“; I think this points out that Yashiro doesn’t like to think of himself as that different from Kage (or „civilian“ people in general, probably), he’s sorta putting the two of them onto the same level… outwardly he appears to lower Kage’s „status“ as a law-abiding citizen to his own, but, objectively speaking they both know that Kage is not in fact a shady person (at least from what I can tell, after all, he doesn’t appear to be affiliated with any „shady“ people apart from Yashiro and Kage always complains about Yashiro dragging him into these affairs). So, what this ends up doing is lifting Yashiro’s status up (I hope I’m phrasing this in a way that makes sense). Anyway, I think what this conveys is that Yashiro still looks down on Yakuza members (he’s definitely not proud of being one) and that he’s still not fully comfortable with people viewing him as a member or even acknowledging his Yakuza-status himself. He then goes on to say that it’s not easy to leave. Now, this could suggest a) that it has been on his mind (which we already know to be true) and b) that he feels the need to justify the fact that he’s still affiliated with them. Only when Kage questions him again Yashiro finally says that he doesn’t REALLY want to leave. His way of phrasing it doesn’t sound super convincing and he probably says that to get Kageyama off his case and also because, if he is honest with himself, he still can’t see himself actually taking that step after all. I know I might be reading too much into this but it stood out to me that Yashiro didn’t just throw Kage a snarky comment like „why the hell wouldn’t I still be a member?“, in the same vein as his first comment „what kind of upstanding guy runs a shady illegal casino?“ Instead he is somewhat opening up to Kage in his own way.

Anyway, this conversation is yet another puzzle piece that plays into the theory I’ve had from the beginning, that Yashiro will leave the Yakuza eventually. From all we know so far, Yashiro has never really come to terms with being a Yakuza and has generally a very negative opinion of them. The topic of Yashiro struggling to accept this role and the re-occurring questioning of what makes a Yakuza, who’s a good Yakuza, who’s not fit to be one, etc. strongly suggests to me that this is an integral part of this story as a whole and is most probably gonna be relevant to the conclusion of the story. It’s made clear that Yashiro never wanted to be Yakuza in the first place and he’s still reluctant, like… some 20 long years later 😯. I don't want to include too many quotes here because there are far too many instances that could be mentioned and this post is already getting too loooong, as you'll see 🫣, but there are some I'd like to mention. First I'd like to point to one quote from Yashiro that leads me to believe that to him being a Yakuza is not in fact his real identity but rather a role he is playing. He says to Ryuuzaki in Chapter 5:

He sees himself more as an actor rather than a real Yakuza and interestingly enough, that’s what he had aspired to become as a teenager: (aspire might be too strong of a word here but I think in a way he really did):

Now, I know that I'm arguing that Yashiro is talking about himself here ,even though, he's not just referring to himself in his comment to Ryuuzaki but the fact that he talks about Yakuza being just like actors in general and then further generalizing his statement to „people spend their lives acting“ still plays nicely into Yashiro's perception of his own life which will become relevant in a bit *bear with me*; it suggests that he thinks that people are not really free to be themselves because they have to play their role which emphasizes his passive approach to life in general „I have lived my life accepting it all“ (I reference this quote further down).

Every time Misumi tries to drag him in deeper, Yashiro is acting completely reluctant. We first saw this in the very beginning of the story when Misumi and Yashiro talk about the succession and Misumi says to Yashiro „be mine once more“ (Yashiro doesn’t want to give him an answer), when we learn through Hirata’s secret recordings about the details of another conversation between Misumi and Yashiro in Chapter 14 (Yashiro still doesn’t give a straight answer) and we see it again in Chapter 36 when Misumi basically says to Yashiro „don’t forget what you are“ after the time-skip (Yashiro distracts Misumi from the conversation by provoking him). He doesn't agree to anything but he never outright refuses either (he's completely passive).

His reluctance is further demonstrated by the fact that after the time-skip Yashiro’s not really a full member anymore. He used what happened after Hirata’s attack on him to the best of his abilities in a way to distance himself from the group but he couldn’t take the last step. But this clearly points to Yashiro wanting to get out for good.

I think it’s noteworthy that the only time he completely rejects the idea of quitting (as far as I remember), is in Chapter 27 when he speaks to Ryuuzaki in the back of the police car:

This stands out to me because he says this after he’d made up his mind that he was gonna die. So why keep fighting it at this point? (I’m so glad our cute boy is not in such a dark place anymore 😭)

Yashiro has also tried to keep Doumeki out of this world because he cares so much about him. Unfortunately, he wasn’t successful but the statement Yashiro made about the Yakuza in Chapter 22 becomes relevant again, now that Doumeki got a back tattoo (which as we all know made Yashiro furious beyond belief). Yashiro said something along the lines of „do you have any idea how many upright citizens walk around out there with full body tattoos? And how many Yakuza wear normal business suits?“( I hope this translation is somewhat accurate . I had to take it from the official German translation which is not the most exact at times but the only English translation I could find, didn’t seem to be correct 😅) Basically he’s saying, it’s never too late to quit. This was some unfortunate foreshadowing if you ask me but it gives me hope that Doumeki’s status as a full-fledged member and him getting a tattoo won’t prevent them from leaving the Yakuza world behind.

I just cannot imagine Yoneda-sensei making this aspect such an integral part of Yashiro’s character and bringing this topic up again and again if it isn’t gonna be relevant in the end… I know it might be a red herring but I really doubt it at this point. I read the manga as a story of a traumatized survivor of SA finding happiness in life (yes, I’m very hopeful that both Doumeki and Yashiro are gonna make it out alive because anything else would be too cruel🫣). For Yashiro the Yakuza is a hindrance to his freedom and happiness because it’s not who he truly is as a person and as long as he stays he’s going to be under Misumi’s control and Misumi is gonna try to use him, just like his stepfather and all the other men who SAed him when he was a teenager used him. In a way he’s still this powerless child getting used by others. He was an easy target for Misumi because Yashiro was „completely indifferent about himself“ as Misumi put it. This indifference stems from the abuse he suffered. When Yashiro got shot he remembered the SA and he says: „I have lived my life accepting it all. I’ve felt no sorrow. I’ve blamed no one. My life can’t be said to be anyone else’s fault.“ This expresses exactly what Misumi saw in Yashiro: He’s so broken that he doesn't even feel anger, he is beyond caring about himself, his well-being, his future. Putting it differently; he doesn’t love himself and he doesn’t think that he deserves love or a different, better life. This is why he doesn’t really put up a fight against this fate. He’s still passively accepting everything.

To sum this up, it’s mainly his trauma that prevents him from quitting, just like it keeps him from being able to accept Doumeki’s love. Since I believe this story is about Yashiro overcoming his trauma and finding happiness, I think it would only be fitting that once he’ll be able to accept that he is deserving of love, hope and happiness, he’d finally find the courage to take control of his own fate and break away from the path that he felt forced to follow.

And yes, I'm aware that quitting won't be that easy because of Misumi's obsession over Yashiro BUT even though I don't like Misumi too much and I think he's a creep, he's in his own way quite lenient when it comes to Yashiro, I have to give him that. So, I have high hopes that he actually meant what he said about "caring about Yashiro as a person" and will let him leave without too much trouble.

Of course we don’t know much about Doumeki’s plans for his future but if Yashiro and him end up together (which is what I’m hoping for) he’ll most likely go along with Yashiro’s wishes, I guess 😉 And I know, sweet Nanahara would be disappointed but I bet Yashiro and Doumeki would still find a way to adopt their big baby boy into their little family 😜

maybe they’re gonna open up a beach bar in Hawai’i and Nanahara would flirt with the guests and give away all the drinks for free 🤣

On a more serious note, I hope I didn’t get any of the quotes completely wrong. Nuances tend to get lost in translation so it’s kinda "risky" to base a theory like this solely on translations but most of it comes down to my personal interpretation of the story anyways. And I’m sorry if most of this seemed too obvious but I got the impression that I seem to feel more strongly about the fact that Yashiro might gonna leave his days as a Yakuza behind than others in the fandom and I felt the need to present my case 😉

If you actually made it through my ramblings to down here, you deserve some 🍪🍪🍪 😘

#saezuru chapter 58 #saezuru #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #saezuru analysis #spread your wings and fly away yashiro #fly away far away #spread your little wings and fly away far away #now I can't get that song out of my head #spare me mr mercury #don't stop me now I'm having such a good time I'm having a ball

28 notes · View notes

tgmsunmontue · 12 hours

Text

From the top 1/? (WIP)

IceMav, (eventual) Explicit, (background Hangster who are already established). Set post-TGM. (No dead Ice obviously).

Featuring not-mistaken identities (where they (Ice and Mav) pretend to be in the dark for REASONS), Ice is Jake's Uncle Tom, Mav is Bradley's Dad, everyone knows everyone, (un)requited love, coming out as an older person, and a little bit of a circus-vibe where Ice has a horrible realization that this is indeed his circus and these are also his monkeys.

An AU where Mav married Carole and adopted Bradley to make things easier legally. A USNA Bradley who has been very careful to separate Dad/Pete from godfather/Maverick. They had an argument prior to TGM, but it was around Maverick being careless with his life (RE: Darkstar because Bradley got the call that Maverick was missing, presumed dead). So it was about risk taking and thinking while flying, so that was happening and Bradley admits to the Dagger Squadron that Maverick is his godfather and they have a ‘complicated relationship’ which isn’t a lie per se, however it’s… complicated.

He and Bradley haven’t reached the stage yet where they’ve met any of each other’s family. They haven’t even introduced each other to their friends as boyfriends yet, and their circle of friends overlap. And he’s okay with that. More than okay actually. Doesn’t quite know how he’d broach the whole by the way I’m sort of related to the COMPACFLT through my mom conversation. He’s close with Tom now, closer than he is to any of his mom’s other cousins that’s for sure. Idolized him when he was young, and now also holds a deep-rooted respect and affection for the man. It had also helped knowing he had someone to look to as a role model, someone who was gay in the Navy and got so high up no-one could do anything to him now. Jake wanted that. Badly.

But he also kind of wants his Uncle Tom to be happy. Although, hell, for all he knew he could have had a secret lover all these years. If anyone could keep it hidden it’s Uncle Tom, face quiet and impassive, unmoving and unflinching. He’d really hoped for a callsign half as cool as Iceman, and even if Uncle Tom jokes that he does have a literal half with man, he wishes he didn’t have the connotations of Hangman, even if it’s because of fucking song lyrics he was forever quoting and now twisted into something that make people assume things before they even know him.

Not that he really has that problem now, with the Dagger Squadron being made a permanent detachment and with them all knowing each other so well now. They know he’s got their backs when it actually comes down to it. And he likes being based where his Uncle Tom is, because while he’s meant to be based in Hawaii they’ve made some concessions due to his cancer treatment. He knows their entire family is grateful, not least his Aunty Sarah. God, he knows it’s the high of surviving a literal suicide mission but life feels so good right now. He’s expecting Bradley to turn up any minute, they’ve got plans for dinner and a movie and then sex, not necessarily in that order.

When he opens his door and Rooster is there, he can’t help the little happy swoop his insides do and he lets Bradley kiss him hello.

“Hi.”

“Hi. How are you?”

“Good. Little annoyed… my dad is talking about getting back together with an ex…”

“Is this the ex you like, or don’t like?”

“You can safely bet money that it’s nearly always an ex I don’t like. I don’t think he’s ever had a relationship with anyone I’ve actually liked… shit that’s depressing.”

“Maybe you just have really high standards for him?”

“You mean unlike for myself, where my standards are really low?”

“Hey!”

They end up play-wrestling which quickly morphs into not-play making-out and yeah, the sex comes before dinner but he was sort of banking on that, making food that would be perfectly fine just staying warm in the oven. They end up curled around each other on the sofa, queuing up a movie and Jake asks about his day. Listens as Bradley talks about going out to Maverick’s hangar to work on the plane, having lunch with his dad and he wonders if Maverick has met Bradley’s step-dad. Obviously he must have, he’s been around even longer, although it must be weird to have two people called Pete wandering around, he guesses that’s why Bradley calls Maverick Maverick, and his step-dad dad. Stops the confusion.

He knows Maverick and Bradley had a falling out of some sort, they’d been very angry with each other. He figured out that Maverick flew with Bradley’s dad, was the pilot when his dad died, and he’d thought it had been that. But then Bradley had dropped the bombshell that Maverick was his godfather and they’d had a fight over something he can’t talk about, but they would be fine. So Jake hasn’t pushed wanting to also hang out with Maverick, because when Bradley talks about the P-51 and the hangar his fingers itch but he gets Bradley wanting to mend bridges with his godfather.

More than that though he wants to meet Bradley’s step-dad, doesn’t understand Bradley’s reticence about introducing them. It’s not like he’s going to care. But they’ve only been doing this, whatever it is, for a couple of weeks, which he guesses is early days, but with everything they’ve gone through in the last couple of months it also feels like several lifetimes. Then again, he’s in no rush to introduce Bradley to Uncle Tom, so maybe it’s for the best they wait a few weeks. Or months.

“You still thinking about your dad?”

“Yeah. I just need to get him seeing someone else. Anyone to take his mind off getting back with Georgia. Or any of his exes for that matter. Georgia especially is… well. I have no idea what she gets out of sleeping with Dad. She’s anti military for a start.”

“The fact that she gets to sleep with him?”

“Ew, gross…”

“Maybe she thinks she can convert him to a non-military life one blowjob at a time…”

“You could try that on me you know, see if you can convince me to do something with a blowjob…”

“Don’t think I need the promise of a bj to convince you to do anything,” Jake says with a grin. “You know, my uncle Tom is gay, maybe we could set them up? Well, assuming your dad swings both ways?”

“Huh. Yeah… He does. Keeps that pretty much on the down-low, very much on a need to know basis. Pretty sure I only know because I saw him trying to sneak a guy out when I was seventeen. Did make me feel safer about coming out to him myself though.”

… … …

“Jake, I am not installing Grindr on my phone, work, personal or otherwise.”

“Thought you might say that, so I bought you a burner. Well, please don’t actually burn it, but you know what I mean.”

“Jake…” Tom lets out an exasperated sigh. “I wouldn’t burn it. I know what a burner is. I’m not an idiot. I just don’t want to go on a date…”

“Okay, so you don’t actually have to go on a date. All my cards on the table. I’m using the app to introduce you to the step-dad of my… uh, a friend.”

“A friend huh? Is this the same friend you won’t introduce to the family?”

“Yes. The exact one. Anyway, I just want you to send him a couple of messages. Let’s say ten messages. After that you can go back to ignoring it, remove the battery from the phone and pretend it never happened. Okay?”

“Will you let it go if I do this?”

“I mean… yeah. I hope you make a friend or something, but he’s military as well, so you guys have something in common at least…”

“Fine. But I want the name of your friend.”

“No! You’ll just look him up.”

“He’s Navy?”

“No!”

“He is! Good job.”

… … …

“Bradley! Why is Grindr amongst my recently installed apps!”

“I’m setting you up!” Bradley calls out, grabbing two beers to go with their takeout Chinese.

“I don’t need setting up. I can find my own dates. I don’t need an app!”

“Yes, you do. You can’t get back with Georgia just because you’re lonely. Look, I’m not going to make you swipe through dick-pics…”

“Maybe I want to swipe through dick-pics!”

“Mav, be serious! You just said you didn’t want the app!”

“Seriously? You’re the one that installed Grindr on my phone.”

“God, maybe this was an awful idea.”

“Yeah, you think?”

“Okay, give me a second,” Bradley mutters, rolling his eyes and pulling his own from his pocket and thumbing into his contacts.

“Hi… how’s it going?” Jake asks, voice quiet, and he must still be at his Uncle’s house.

“Not well. You think we can maybe just set them up with an app that blocks their numbers and then just let them talk that way?”

“Can’t hurt to try… your dad resisting the Grindr approach too huh?”

“So much. And I get it, HE’S REALLY OLD,” Bradley says, raising his voice while looking Mav dead in the eye.

“Hey! I heard that!”

“You were meant to!”

He ignores the glare Mav shoots him and pokes his tongue out at the back of his head as he walks away.

“Okay, let’s see what we can find. I’ll message you and let you know.”

“Sure thing.”

Fifteen minutes later Jake has sent him the information, an end-to-end encrypted messaging app, one which hides the number of the phone sending the message. It’s silent and has to be manually opened to check for notifications, which is very old-school but means there’s no potential odd sounding pings. The icon is a mundane looking tower symbol and he guesses that could mean anything.

“Okay Mav – you need to give this guy a chance okay? Please?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“I will stop bothering you about… uh… your love life for six months?”

“No deal. I want to meet the guy you just rang. Who’s he in all this?”

“Uh… I guess he’s my boyfriend.”

“Ooohhh… it’s new huh? You’re in that new loved-up stage where you want everyone around you to be in the same stage.”

“Uh, I mean we’ve known each other for years, but we’ve recently… come to an arrangement.”

“Is it boyfriends or friends with benefits?”

“Well, we weren’t exactly friends before, so definitely closer to boyfriends I guess,” Bradley says, carefully skirting the fact that Mav actually already knows Jake quite well.

“Great. I’ll send what, ten messages to this guy and then I get to meet your guy in two weeks.”

“No! Three months. And twenty messages.”

“You realize you can’t force me to do anything right? You have no bargaining power here?”

“I know, but… for me?”

“Ugh… sad cow eyes. Fine fine, put them away. I’ll message the guy. But I do want to meet your guy when you feel the timing is right.”

“Yeah, of course.”

God he hopes this works because he has no idea if Mav will like the fact he’s with Jake or not.

… … …

They meet up every week when they’re both in the same place, and it’s been a treat these last few months, but also a trial. Usually the distance has been a unintended blessing, making his unfortunate case of unrequited love easier to ignore. When he was younger he’d thought it was just a crush, that it would just… fade away. Instead the opposite has happened, time and distance have hardened and solidified similar to how pressure and temperature turn limestone into marble his love for Maverick is a solid and unmoving object that is ever present. Every time Mav walks through his front door he has to fight the urge to enfold him in his arms and just hold him. Every time.

“Did you ever want kids of your own?” Pete asks and Tom startles, looks across at him.

“No. I have nieces and nephews and cousin’s kids coming out my ears. They’re enough trouble to be getting on with, without adding my own genes to the mix. Wasn’t ever going to happen anyway,” he tacks on, and he wonders if this, today, this moment, will be the time it twigs and Mav will ask what he means.

“Too much trouble by half. Do you know what Bradley did the other day? Installed a dating app on my phone.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

“He thought I was considering getting back with Georgia for some reason.”

“And you’re not?”

“No. Anyway, he’s trying to set me up with someone. At least you don’t have to worry about that.”

“You’d be surprised. My cousins kid bought me a phone, a burner phone, with a dating app installed on it.”

“Oh yeah? Which one?”

Tom swallows.

Okay.

No more subtle hints.

It’s now or never.

“Grindr.”

He didn’t purposely wait for Mav to have a sip of his drink, but he still sprays it out across the coffee table, eyes bugging out and he can’t seem to look Tom in the eye and he feels his stomach start to sink.

“You… ah… you know that app is for gay guys right?”

“I’m aware.”

Pete just stares at him and he wonders if this is it. The moment his best friend just gets up and walks out of his life.

“You never told me.”

“You never asked.”

“Yeah well, there was a whole thing about not asking and not telling until about ten years ago so… sorry if I thought you’d have maybe mentioned it. Or at least… alluded to it.”

“I did Pete. With something called subtlety. I know it’s not your strong suit, but I tried to leave it there in the open for you to pick up on. I’m only just… getting to the grips with the idea of being more out.”

“Okay. Uh. Does anyone else know?”

Tom snorts.

“Yeah, my whole family for a start. Had to get them to stop trying to marry me off. Slider of course.”

“Why of course? Why Slider?”

“He’s known me for a very long time.”

“I’ve known you for a long time.”

He doesn’t want to mention that Slider figured it out, because he’s had to learn to be subtle, and his weak point has and will always be the man in front of him. And he can never let him know. Still, Mav sounds annoyed.

“Slider figured it out. He’s too perceptive for his own good,” Tom mutters, because he’s also the one person who knows about his lifelong torch bearing.

“Huh. Okay.”

… … …

Tom locks the house up, Mav having left to go home after Tom had soundly beaten him at chess. He knows it isn’t one of Mav’s favorite games, that he really only plays to humor Tom and give them something to do while they talk… his brain is catching on something and it’s going to bother him until he figures it out. Pete. Playing chess simply to spend more time with him...

He stops.

Blinks.

Pete had said Bradley had installed a dating app on his phone.

Within a day of Jake giving him a phone with Grindr installed, which quickly morphed to a simple encrypted messaging service.

He’s learnt to not ignore his gut and this is deeply suspicious with the coincidence.

He wonders if Jake and Bradley are dating. The idea of that makes him smile, even if it’ll cause an administrative nightmare. He knows they know each other, they’re part of the same squadron and there are rules, however it wouldn’t surprise him at all if both Bradley and Jake decided that that particular rule was for other people.

Wait.

He suddenly needs to know which app it is exactly that Bradley installed and he has his phone in his hand ringing him before he even considers the time of night, or where Bradley might be right now.

“Hey Uncle Ice… Everything okay?”

“Hey Bradley. Sorry for the late call, Just, uh, Mav mentioned you installed a dating app on his phone. You mind telling me which one it was?”

“Uh… Grindr. Why?”

“Oh. No reason. Just curious Thanks. Have a good night.”

Why would Bradley install Grindr.

Maverick’s not gay.

To his knowledge Maverick isn’t even bisexual. Or anything else that might imply he’s anything other than overwhelmingly heterosexual.

Maverick didn’t say anything tonight when he learnt about Tom’s own sexuality.

Maybe Bradley knows something Tom doesn’t.

Scratch that.

Bradley definitely knows something Tom doesn’t.

#IceMav #From The Top #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #Top Gun fanfic

23 notes · View notes

mrs-snape5984 · 12 hours

Text

“Can we always be this close…forever and ever?”

“My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue. All's well that ends well to end up with you.” (“Lover” by Taylor Swift)

Today I want to share something more cheerful with all you lovely people of Snapedom, because - to be honest - considering my last few posts on this blog, they could suggest the idea, that I might not be the most zestful person around here. Well…guilty as charged! 😅So, please, take my apologies for my constant venting and complaining about ME/CFS and the ways, in which this bitch of a disease destroyed the life, I’ve known before. But this particular post will be dedicated to LOVE.

I know, I’m using this blog as my personal journal in order to cope with the hardships of my existence, always relying on my 21 years lasting connection with Severus Snape…who is undeniably the one true love of my life. Some of you might judge or mock me for being so pathetically devoted to a fictional character over such a long period of time, but believe me…my love for Severus is my safe haven!

Sure, I’ve tried to give other relationships a shot, but after some really traumatic experiences with men and women, as well as two failed marriages, I’m coming to the conclusion, that I’m better off alone. I must admit, that being doomed to endure a so called life in my bed, only surrounded by darkness and mostly solitude, definitely has an influence on this conviction. Who knows, if I’d have the same beliefs if I weren’t “un-dateable”…but this doesn’t matter anymore, since there’s still no cure for my disease.

And yet… (enter dramatic sigh here 😂)

And yet, I still believe in love, despite my own failures…despite all the pain, the sorrows, the humiliation and the traumas, I’ve been confronted with. I guess, being intelligent (or at least well educated) and overly realistic didn’t prevent me from being a hopeless romantic human being.

My adolescent twins are currently entering the phase of their first “loves”. I’ve taught my three children from the very beginning, that it doesn’t matter, who they love, unless they’re feeling safe and happy about it. My daughter is proud to have her first girlfriend, even though she’s already facing some difficulties in her environment, due to her frank nature to enjoy her crush. For me - a woman, who’s living openly bisexual 🏳️‍🌈 since I’ve been 14 years old - it’s absolutely unbelievable, that there are still so many people in our society, who seem to stick to their restrained beliefs about sexuality and gender. I will always try to support my children in their journey of self-acceptance and self-discovery.

So, yes, I still believe in love…no matter how this love might look like. Even though I’m confined to this prison, which is formed by my disease, I was allowed to find some kind of deep love in my friends. I want to share a short poem with you (written by Whitney Hanson for her book “Harmony”) which reminds me of the love, that I feel for these friends of mine:

I have always loved the way

Music could make the world feel

Like it doesn’t exist

As if suddenly all my fears

Are swept away

Who knew

That there are people out there

Who could make me feel the same way

Another love, which makes my heart swell with joy, is my love to all those amazingly talented artists of Snapedom, for whom I’m rolling out the red carpet on my blog, by using their art as my very personal soothing balm for my troubled heart and soul. This time, I’ve commissioned the lovely @kruzbr for the very first time. I’ve been fallen for their Severitus comics, so I asked them to help me out with making my own version of Severitus, together with my undeniably self-inspired OC Jules, come to life.

Anderson, your understanding of my ideas and your kindness made it a pleasure for me to join the process of creating this mesmerising masterpiece of art. I’m beyond grateful for your service and I can assure you, that this won’t be the last time, I will commission you for another adventure of Sevy & Jules. The next idea is already stuck in my mind, so keep an eye on your postbox! Thank you for everything, my dear!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

25 notes · View notes

darlinglittletoy · 2 years

Text

asking permission to piss: 💕❤️💘😍💓💕💖

asking permission to piss and being told no: 💖💕💓😵‍💫😍😍💕💖😵‍💫❤️❤️💖😍💓🤤💓💕💓🤤😵‍💫❤️🥵💖💓💕💖💘😩💓💖💕💘😵‍💫❤️❤️🥵🤤💓😍💕💖❤️💕💓😍💘💘❤️💖😵‍💫💓 💖💕💓😵‍💫😍😍💕💖😵‍💫❤️❤️💖😍💓🤤💓💕💓🤤😵‍💫❤️🥵💖💓💕💖💘😩💓💖💕💘😵‍💫❤️❤️🥵🤤💓😍💕💖❤️💕💓😍💘💘❤️💖😵‍💫💓

#i feel like this post has been made before but if it has i’ve not reblogged it. so #omorashi #bd/sm dynamic #bd/sm puppy #bd/sm post #queer nsft #t4t nsft #darlinglittletoy #k: piss #1k

3K notes · View notes

simgerale · 3 months

Text

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

27 notes · View notes

d0d0-b0i · 1 year

Text

it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.

what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)

#it gets better :)#i used to think that transitioning medically wouldn’t lessen the sadness and depression i felt #and to some degree it is still there since t isn’t a cure all #but by the gods it is so much fucking easier to deal with everything #when a major reason for my mental health being the way it was has been abated #it’s like the fog cleared enough for me to actually see the road i’m driving on #instead of assuming blindly that i won’t crash #once i get top surgery.#idk. i wonder if things will be even easier?#i’m almost a year in and already my life feels so much brighter. yeah there’s problems with keeping the house. and yeah #i don’t have an income yet and i don’t know if the internship will even be in the cards for me #but. i just feel that everything will work out. enough for me to enjoy the time i have here :)#sorry i am being sappy but god! i love and i love! so much now!! i feel so much and i enjoy nearly every day despite the Issues #the world is getting worse but still i find reasons to love and live #so maybe one day it will get better? maybe one day my love will have helped even #if you’re reading. i love you. even if you’re just a follower #even if we’re mutuals that haven’t talked before #i think about you often. i wonder where my oldest mutual went after they stopped posting years ago #i don’t think i can forget. and i love you. and i wish i. could give you a hug. we all need one from time to time #i love the friends i’ve made and the friends i’ve had. i love. and this past year has opened up my floodgates of emotion

61 notes · View notes

theamazingannie · 4 months

Text

Kinda crazy how people will call out celebrities for not speaking up on political issues and then a celebrity WILL speak up on that political issue but doesn’t do it in exactly the way these people want so they’ll call THEM out too and it’s like why tf would anyone want to do anything these days if every action they take gets them called out???

#specifically referencing Annie Lennox this time but I’ve seen it so many times just on this issue alone #she called for a ceasefire at the fucking Grammys and all pro Palestine people praised her #and then she made a non aggressive post about it on Twitter that still called for ceasefire but didn’t praise hamas #and people are shaming her and calling her a coward #another time I read someone say Bella Ramsay signed the hostage release letter right after Oct 7 #but has since been outspoken about pro Palestine #but that that’s not enough and they’re still bad for doing that first thing #when they’re an actor not an activist and nobody really understood what was going on back then #like this is exactly why I won’t be one of the people calling on celebrities to be posting on every issue #cuz even people more well informed are called out for being wrong about stuff #I’ve been following this issue since 2019 and I still don’t feel fully comfortable doing more than sharing stuff from better informed people #cand calling out hypocracies and bad arguements (something I studied in college)#I can’t expect someone who didn’t know anything before four months ago and doesn’t actively follow it now #to feel comfortable taking a strong side on an issue where no matter what you do you’re gonna get death threats from SOMEONE #pro Israel pro Palestine neural stance silence #every single choice makes people mad at you so it’s really safer to go with the last #this isn’t ‘register to vote’ or ‘this issue directly affects me and I’m therefore better informed so I’ll talk about it’#this is an extremely hot button sensitive issue #and I’m tired of people acting like social media activism is where we should start and end #call our your politicians not your actors and singers for gods sake

5 notes · View notes

krafterwrites · 1 year

Text

Something kind of weird is that the past few days I’ve literally just stopped feeling tired. I don’t even think it’s because I’ve been getting better sleep either, I think my body has just been experiencing daily exhaustion for so long that it’s adapted to it. It’s midnight right now and I don’t feel tired at all, nor have I felt tired while laying in bed at night. My mind still isn’t that clear, but all physical exhaustion seemingly vanishing is making things easier on me

#Maybe there’s an upside to all of the horribleness this curse has inflicted on me #Maybe it’s made me stronger #More immune to exhaustion #If I still feel like this once I get my energy back then I’ll be more productive than I’ve ever been before #Anyways #Sorry if this post makes it sound like I’m going insane it’s because I kind of am #Krafter Talks

9 notes · View notes

clownsnake · 2 years

Text

every time I think abt building in minecraft I’m like I want to make a giant nether portal with a decaying design that you think maybe used to be ornate, I want to make a castle that’s also decaying and maybe I’ll model it after the castle from that one minecraft parody you know the one, i want to use bonemeal on every surface of land & make everything overgrown, I want to make bridges on literally every river I see, i want to hide little bunkers for Herobrine, I want to plant more & more signs of life but make them died to death sooo long ago, I want to be a little freak who creates my own past, I want everything. and then I remember I’m still trying to make a barn in survival

#mineblr #going post #my goal so far has been to make my house in creative (done) and anything else that I don’t need in creative (I made a cat home.. its… nice)#and then essential stuff like barns & farms I make in survival #(Technically a wizard tower wouldn’t be necessary bc I already have an enchanting room but. think abt it)#I’m not going to lie I DID make a little farm in creative. But that’s just bc I wanted to test out a redstone trick & it didn’t work!!#By god I AM going to earn the materials necessary for my barn I stg #and there’s nothing Stopping me from making whatever I want in creative as long as it’s not essential #But I would feel kind of silly if I made like a hundred builds before I’ve even placed a single block down for my barn #Eh whatever. Who care #Minecraft

12 notes · View notes

dappermouth · 4 months

Note

What happened to your Society6 store? It seems like there's a lot less designs available than there used to be. I was hoping to get some tapestries but everything is gone...

Wow! This ask made me go check out my Society6 shop — and you’re right, it’s pretty much all gone! So, here’s the story on that for anyone who hasn’t heard:

Society6 decided that their outsized profit from artists wasn’t cutting it — they now require artists to pay a monthly subscription for the privilege of letting Society6 profit off of them, while foisting additional shipping fees onto the artist and reducing their payments on top of that. I had heard some months back that they were planning to switch to a subscription model, and it looks like since I didn’t pay up, they permanently deleted everything except 10 random pieces of art from my shop. They did this without notifying me at all (classy!) after years of making tens of thousands of dollars off of my work — but weirdly, this is kind of a relief for me?

My cut of Society6 sales were already a laugh even before the proposed changes (I make more money from someone dropping like $20 at my personal print shop than I do from someone buying $100+ of my stuff from Society6) but the tapestries and blankets were so cool and I loved how much people enjoyed them, so I kept my art available there. They've deleted nearly all of my work now, so I'll go finish the job and close out my account for good.

Anyway, it’s disappointing, but Society6 has chosen to suck profoundly at this point in time. Totally scummy treatment of the artists whose work is the foundation of their entire business model. I’m lucky enough to have a supportive audience and never relied on Society6, but I feel badly for artists whose livelihoods have been impacted by this. (If you’re one of those artists, know this: you deserve better compensation for your hard work than what S6 is giving you!)

OK, with all that said — I’m bringin’ tapestries back, baby! They can’t keep this cowboy off the range! Right now I’ve ordered samples from some different places to compare quality, and once I’ve settled on a manufacturer I‘ll be making them available at my print shop. I’ll post on my socials when I’ve sorted it out!

#jentalk #society6 #i mean it's now owned by a former Ticketmaster exec #shocker! hahaha #at least he's consistent about working in the 'extorting artists and their fans' field

4K notes · View notes

deityofhearts · 11 months

Text

i feel like my life is always going to be dysfunctional and unstable

#deity dialogue #and that’s tonight’s sad thought post brought to you by it’s almost 3am crystal #every situation I’ve ever been in has to some degree been just #a mess it’s always a mess I have no sense of stability and idk what it even looks like at this point #stability just feels like a lie made up for tv and movies at this point #I’ll probably die before I ever have a stable and happy life #I’m honestly surprised I even made it this far in life #I kinda wish I didn’t but like there’s not much I can do about that now

1 note · View note

chuluoyi · 5 months

Text

LOVER'S QUARREL

- fushiguro megumi x reader

“i can't do this anymore.” you and megumi are just too different; he's stoic, you're bubbly, he prefers solitude, you love being social. it starts with fights, words you don't mean, and ends with an event that would haunt him for a long time to come.

genre: angst, breaking up, post-breakup feelings, mentions and description of injury and blood, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end (you make up!)

note: dear god i’m finally getting this out of my drafts. loosely inspired by real life events i’ve seen around my friend’s relationship sooo it might hurt a bit 🤏🏻 but who can say no to angst to eventual fluff? tagging @lees-chaotic-brain and @kasumitenbaz (as per request in the ask!), you two are always here for my megumi works, thank you!! :3 and thank you for dropping by for the event!

a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT

series masterlist | oneshot masterlist

Everyone pointed it out as a joke, that you liked him way more than he did you.

And you used to never let it ruffle you. To you, Megumi’s sternness and silence meant that he was comfortable with you. You never wanted him to change his ways just because now you were seeing each other.

But when you thought it over now, as you stood before him with an aghast expression and knives stabbing your kind, soft heart, you couldn’t help but do a double-take.

You were the one who confessed first. Most of the time, you were the one who initiated dates. You always texted him first, asking about his day, and even when he brushed you off, you would keep being this ball of sunshine and wished him a good day.

You never realized it before… that through everything, it has always been you. Unfailingly.

So how dare he spout this now?

“I can't do this anymore.”

"You... can't?" you spat out, feeling the first tendrils of anger course through you. "What exactly it is that you can't do? What do you even mean?"

"Look," Megumi stared at you squarely, and you thought now, that it was the coldest of eyes, straight and true. "It's always been like this between us lately. It's only right that we end this."

This, he said. He didn't even want to define your relationship anymore.

You scoffed. "And why do you think we always end up this way? Have you ever considered, even once, that it's because you make no effort at all?"

"I'm trying," Megumi quickly replied, almost in a hiss, and you almost recoiled. "But I just see that we'll end up nowhere, that's why I'm bringing this up now."

Oh, that freaking hurts. You boyfriend had just told you that this relationship would go nowhere. Right in your face.

Your eyes stung with tears, yet you fought to hold them back, fixing your gaze on the lamp overhead and inhaling deeply.

"You're... selfish," you stated, filled with ire. "You're always walking around eggshells around me, never telling me what is it that you really want—"

Megumi's unclouded eyes fixed on your trembling form. "We just disagree on a lot of things. You know it and it bothers you. It bothers me too. Rather than forcing our relationship, I think it's better—"

"It's always me!" you yelled then, lips quivering and eyes watering, unable to hold your emotions back any longer. "All dates, lunches—everything!" you locked your eyes with him, in mocking disbelief. "How can you say you're trying when, in truth, I'm the one putting in so much for us?!"

In that very second, Megumi thought that he hated seeing you like this. You were supposed to be the cheerful one in this relationship, and when he agreed to go out with you, he made an unspoken commitment to himself that he would at least not make you miserable.

And yet...

"...I'm sorry."

Came his reply, and you were sure that this was it.

And to rub the salt in your wound, he added, "I can't lie to you and say I haven't thought this for a while too."

As tears welled within you, you wondered and questioned what you lacked that led to this. However, the overwhelming sense of betrayal consuming your thoughts ultimately prevailed over any other emotions.

Now he could've appeared before you as a stranger and you wouldn't bat an eye, as the cold steel in his tone said, "And if blaming me is what it takes to make you feel better, then so be it."

You couldn't pinpoint the source of your sudden boldness, but in the next hot minute, you marched past him, your shoulder harshly colliding with his in a deliberate, almost spiteful manner—which, indeed, was your intention—and then you ran.

Which led to the next scene: you found yourself bawling your eyes out in the girls' lavatory.

Yuji and Nobara saw everything unfolding right before their eyes. They hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but you and Megumi were literally breaking up right the middle of their shared classroom, and it was hard not to follow the discourse until the end.

"Are you okay?" Nobara had come to your side, ensuring privacy by locking the restroom door out of your consideration. You were a sobbing mess, attempting to wipe the overflowing tears away while letting out all your emotions.

"He's..." Your voice faltered amid sobs as you gazed at your steadfast friend, your throat clogging up. "He said... he's been wanting t-to... break up with m-me..."

"That's okay, that's okay..." Nobara brought you to her arms, patting your back in reassurance. "Fushiguro is insensitive like that... don't cry over him now. He's just a wimp, okay?"

"Why is it me?" you asked her, voice brittle, still shaking with tears. "I t-tried everything! Being the supportive girlfriend..."

"If he can't appreciate what you did, then the problem lies with him," your friend stated, traces of irritation brewing in her resolute gaze. And as she firmly grasped your wrist, her next words resonated. "Not you."

. . .

"Do you really have to break her heart like that?" Yuji fidgeted with his hoodie, staring at his best friend with a blend of confusion and sympathy.

Megumi sighed, finally ruffling his hair into a mess, as if expressing his own state of mind. “This is for the best.”

Yuji’s eyebrows visibly creased. “How is this ‘for the best’? She’s miserable, and you…” he assessed him, scanning him from head to toe, “it doesn’t seem you’re faring any better too.”

“The longer she is with me, the unhappier she will be.” Megumi glanced at the bathroom’s direction. “She can deserve better.”

He was always too quiet, too boring, not able to match your energy too. He couldn’t fault you for expecting more, whereas he was just not exactly built for your expectations.

Megumi really thought he wanted it to end. At one point, it even felt like a chore, but…

How strange. Why did it feel like something was clawing at his chest?

Time heals. Megumi knew that by theory, but he really did see it firsthand when he saw you all giggling and happy again three weeks after he initiated the breakup.

With Hakari.

“Yo, what are you glaring at?” Panda asked, but Megumi didn’t pay him any mind.

An upperclassman, Hakari Kinji, was naturally cool and talented. He was laid back, knew how to have fun—all in all, a total opposite of Fushiguro Megumi altogether.

Three weeks. It’s only been three weeks since then.

“Megumi?”

Wait… Aren’t three weeks too fast to get over your ex?

“Megumi!”

“Huh?” he turned to the sentient panda with a jerk. “Oh, what is it?”

He looked at him with a concerned gaze. "Why do you look so scary? It's almost as if you're about to punch someone..."

But who was he to argue? He had no right to be upset now.

"Is it Kinji?" Panda gasped, finally putting two and two together when he followed his line of sight. "Oh Megumi... but you—"

"Just shut up, please," he blurted then, a hint of annoyance in his tone. With that, Panda didn't pursue it further, leaving him with his thoughts.

From where he was at the field, he could clearly see your radiant smile for Hakari. It was clear that the two of you shared a degree of friendship, but Megumi never knew that you two were that close.

...huh?

Why did the sight irritate him so suddenly? Why did his chest twinge again?

What a fool. You're the one driving her away, you idiot.

Suddenly these memories popped up one by one—

Of you suddenly hugging him from behind in an attempt to surprise him.

How he pressed his lips on the crown of your head when you fall asleep on his shoulder.

How you would give him that dopey smile when he pulled you close.

But on harder days after missions gone wrong, he’d ignore you altogether— the slight disappointment in your smile then. How your expression fell when he told you to go. How you slumped and looked back in hopes of him changing his mind.

“Haaaah.” Megumi turned away, unwilling to keep watching you any longer. Why? Why hadn’t it occurred to him before now?

Why did he long for you now? Why not before, when you were still his?

They were right. It seems people tend to desire what isn't meant for them.

What could have been more painfully awkward than being sent into a mission with your ex-boyfriend?

You would kill Gojo for this. Or at least give him the lowest possible score in his teaching evaluation for the year. How could he? Your breakup was an infamous public spectacle, so this setup was undoubtedly intentional!

You were losing your head over this, and yet your ex-boyfriend...

"Keep your guard up," Megumi reminded curtly, in a warning tone. He looked as vigilant and straight as always, as if he wasn't even bothered.

You threw him a dirty look, offended. "You don't have to tell me twice."

This just cranked up the discomfort to an excruciating level. The mix of unresolved tension and memories—okay, you might be an emo, but how were you supposed to be cool with all of these hanging in the air?

Your site of exorcism was an abandoned warehouse, and the cursed spirit in question was supposed to be a grade 3. You two were grade 2 sorcerers now, so you were a perfect fit to exorcise it. But there was indeed this unease in the air that you couldn't put your finger to.

"Isn't it awfully too quiet?" you unwittingly muttered, staring at the darkness of the wall. You couldn't feel any cursed energy belonging to any possible malevolent entity, and that was what unsettled you the most.

Megumi frowned at your line of sight. "It is. Stay close."

You blinked at what he said, and before you knew it, the familiar scent of him being near to you made your entire body burst with this equally familiar warmth. When you looked up to him, seeing the solid sharpness in that dark eyes of his and his jaw set, dead butterflies in your chest rose back to life again, against your heartbreak and better judgement.

Stay close, he said... So he is worried...

And in an attempt to hide how flustered you were, you looked down.

You walked a few good steps, when suddenly he asked, "So, are you with Hakari-senpai now?"

"Huh?" You spun around, your expression a mix of surprise and confusion.

"You two seem close."

Seem close? Seem close... wait, so Megumi had noticed...?

Suddenly, you felt incited and it made you angry. "That's none of your business," your voice carried a sharp edge, hissing. And you knew you were being a bit mean by adding, "You broke up with me, so why do you even care?"

In that moment, Megumi could've sworn his chest throbbed. Your cutting tone pierced directly into his heart, lodging itself there.

You had all rights to be annoyed, and he knew that. Why did that question even slip out of him?

"Nah, nevermind," he mumbled in response, looking away.

Awkwardness lingered afterwards. You hated this, but no, you weren't above being petty. He had broken your heart and it still stung even now. If your intentionally biting words did to him even a fraction of what he made you feel, then you would find a small sense of satisfaction in it.

But you weren't able to ponder about your mess of feelings further when Megumi abruptly yanked your arm, his voice soaking with urgency, "It's here!"

Sure enough, the grotesque cursed spirit with the shape of a giant bee broke through the walls with a bang. The two of you immediately readied your fighting stance. Megumi was ready with his divine dogs, while you with your cursed weapon.

For a while, you engaged the cursed spirit with all you had. You were trying to focus on the enemy, but you couldn't help but notice the way Megumi always looked at you every few seconds, checking for any signs of injury or harm.

Frankly speaking, he trusted your strength and knew that you were a capable sorcerer. You had been paired in a mission before and he knew both your potential and shortcomings. It was just there was something about this place that had his senses on high alert.

And his fears were proven true when you yelped and were flung onto the grimy floor. "Y/N!"

"I'm fine!" you shouted in a rush, scrambling to your feet. However, as you spun towards him, your scream tore through the hall as you caught sight of the bee lurking behind him. "Megumi!"

He got distracted. The bee quickly latched onto him and almost stung him, until he wrestled it off and summoned Nue and exorcised it.

You went to his side that instant. "Are you okay?!"

"I am." But then he winced and almost fell on his knees if you didn't have a secure grip on him. He savored your touch and breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that now you two were safe.

"Megumi! Oh god!" Panic surged through you as you pulled him close. His side was bleeding, and you widened your eyes at the sight.

"I'm okay, I promise," he rasped, looking you in the eyes. "What abo—"

Then you saw it, the flicker from deep from that corner of platform, and suddenly, you grasped the source of the unease that had been lingering within you all this time. It wasn't the bee Megumi had just exorcised—

At that moment, there was no room for thought, one thing was certain: you didn't want him to get hurt more.

He didn't manage to finish his sentence when suddenly you pushed him away with so much force he never thought you had. Everything crashed so suddenly, he didn't have the time to brace himself or grab you with him, as another cursed bee appeared out of nowhere and—

Reality flashed before his eyes as he stared at you in sheer horror. At how the cursed spirit tore your body, sinking its hollow stinger in you.

You didn't really know what happened next. Everything was muffled—the frantic movements around you turned into a blur, along with Megumi's yells. Otherworldly pain coursed through your entire being and your ears rang, then everything in your line of sight became distorted and faded, along with your consciousness. Next and the last thing you knew was Megumi's battered face, a final imprint before you succumbed to the void.

Megumi had exorcised the remaining cursed spirit and staggered to his feet—falling a few times, but he made his way towards you through gritted teeth. You are hurt. He forced himself to get to you and pull you into his arms.

And suddenly, suddenly, nothing mattered anymore as overwhelming terror consumed him upon seeing you. Blood streamed from your abdomen so much that it made a continuous pool.

"You stupid—!" He choked out, voice hitching. You were no longer conscious and it devastated him even more. "Hey, hey? Wake up—hells—"

You, who did everything you could to save your relationship. You, who cried tears for him when he blatantly broke your heart. And you, who put himself first—and now facing the consequences.

It crashed upon him in that very second, the clarity. What was he thinking back then? He still loves you.

"If you die on me, I won't forgive you."

Megumi scooped you in his arms, pressing you close to his chest, the blood seeping from his wound be damned as he looked at your serene face. His heart shattered in the worst way possible and he almost wheezed at the sticky sensation of your blood—and how lifeless you felt in his grasp—but he willed it away.

"Don't," his broken rasp echoed the walls as he took each step to get both of you out of this hellhole. He winced and hissed at his own injury, chewing his lip in frustration, at how helpless he was.

"Don't leave me."

It was like a distant, hazy memory.

Was it a memory though? No. It seemed far too real for that.

The throbbing headache pounding through your skull and shivers that wracked your body pulled you back to reality. There was a heavy pressure on your abdomen and any movement sent sharp pain shooting through you.

You gradually opened your eyes, squinting against the brightness. You were in a hospital gown, an IV was injected on your arm, and the sterile scent made your stomach twist, as nausea creeping through your guts. Your vision was still blurry as you tried to look around to find someone who waited for you. As you slowly turned your head to the side, you saw him, sitting in the chair right next your bed.

Megumi was sleeping in such uncomfortable position, his head resting on the edge of your bed. He appeared peaceful, almost childlike, devoid of his usual stoic demeanor.

Your heartstrings were tugged at this rare sight. He also sustained injuries and yet... he was waiting for you to wake up, here.

Your chest swelled with warmth, which was quickly followed by a sting of heartbreak. Still, you two broke up...

You jolted, and the inadvertent movement sent a wave of pain that seemed to paralyze your nerves, causing you to whimper. The noise woke Megumi from his slumber, as he shot his eyes open in alarm, catching your hand in his.

"Hey... Are you okay?" Megumi worriedly looked down at you with a visible frown, and the grimace of pain on your face, accompanied by trembling lips, was enough of an answer. He hastily scrambled out in slight panic, "I'll get Ieiri-san."

When Shoko came and got you the painkillers, your pain receded somewhat. Through it all, Megumi stood there, casting concerned glances in your way.

"Bedrest for the week," Shoko stated firmly, assessing your wound with a no-nonsense expression. "Your injury isn't minor—it's serious enough that you're strongly advised against excessive movement."

You could only nod in response. Megumi bowed. "Thank you, Ieiri-san." Once the doctor departed, silence settled over the room once more.

“Why did you do that?” he quietly asked then, referring to what you did for him. And when you turned to him, you saw it clearly.

He looked pale, and there was this haunted look in his eyes. It broke your heart a little.

"You were hurt." Your voice came out dry, and you realized firsthand just how parched you were. Seeing Megumi looking down never quite sat right with you. He was meant to be an unwavering presence, someone strong enough to sway your convictions.

However, a pang struck when he countered with stern eyes, "You didn't have to do that."

...he was right. You didn't have to. What he didn't know was that you were still holding on these stupid feelings, which drove you to shield him. It made you ponder: if your roles were reversed, would he not step in to protect you at all?

"Why are you here?" You weren't sure if the bitterness in your tone was evident, but you continued anyway. "You don't have to be here either."

"Don't have to?" His gaze bore disbelief, as if not believing your words. "I'm—"

"If it's because I saved you, Megumi—"

“Do not even think, even for a moment, that I won’t be concerned over you.” His voice, deep and hoarse, struck you to the core, silencing your words. “Never. I always, always want you to be safe.”

Your mind became a blank slate. Suddenly, all that mattered was his voice.

"Don't you realize how terrifying it was? Seeing you like that?" Megumi spat, his green eyes shining with intensity, teeth gritted and fists clenched. "How could you even think that I wouldn't be here—" his breath hitched, and then his lips trembled slightly, "—for you?"

You blinked quickly, a feeling stirred within you—stemming from that cursed, fragile heart of yours to be exact, evident from the rapid thumping in your chest.

You dumbly uttered, "But we are—"

"Oh, Goddamnit." Megumi cursed, and honestly you were taken aback. It wasn't really in him to swear, so this really bugged him. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and despite the situation, your heart skipped a beat at the sight. Even a mess in a hospital gown, your ex-boyfriend was still undeniably attractive.

He stared at you squarely in the eye, unflinching, steadfast and true, the very image of Fushiguro Megumi you admired from afar and fell in love with in the first place half a year ago. "You don't have to... say anything, if you don't want to. Right now... just hear me out."

And the things he said next... all of them, you could say, caught you entirely off guard.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trying hard enough, and—damn it, for making you sad. I never, ever wanted to see you that upset."

Megumi drew in a sharp breath, averting his gaze. "And for days, I've wondered if you and Hakari-senpai are now a thing... and you know what? I hate it so much. I know I have no grounds to feel this way, after what I did, but..."

And like a train wreck, his final words hit you hard. Tears welled up in your eyes in immediate response.

“I'm a loser, and a coward too, maybe,” he shrugged, a tinge of self-deprecation in his tone. “And I suck at telling people my feelings, but I love you. I still do.”

A sob slipped out of your throat and you hastily pulled the blanket over your face, much to his surprise. He thought he had worsened things, with the way you were turning away from him.

But then, from beneath the blanket, in a croaky voice, you proclaimed, "Fushiguro Megumi, you're a complete and utter idiot."

And Megumi didn't know that he had been holding back his breath as he chuckled heartily, relieved that you would still take his ass back after this prolonged mess. He knew he still had a lot to make up for and was determined to show it through his actions.

"Maybe I am, yeah."

"That's possibly the longest shit you have ever spouted in one breath."

"Yeah..."

But he got his chance back, and he knew that you would be alright. Both of you are.

On one sunny day...

"Hey, are you alone?"

Megumi glanced up from his phone, only to be met with a random girl standing in front of him, batting her eyelashes with an ambiguous intent. He blinked at her curiously.

"No. Can I help you?"

The girl twirled her hair suggestively. "Ah, you see... I see you all in your lonesome and I think you're quite cute—"

The hell? Megumi frowned, and he was really about to give this bimbo a piece of his mind when—

Oh, oh. Forget that. Megumi's attention snapped to you on the opposite side of the crossroad. All pretty and dolled up with that crop tee and miniskirt he once mentioned would look great on you by a slip of tongue—that accidental comment earned him your teasing quips for weeks already.

"Sorry, I'm here for my girlfriend. Bye."

Abruptly dismissing the girl, he didn't catch how comically offended she was for being turned down in a span of 20 seconds. He took big strides towards you, as you crossed the street, and you immediately beamed when you caught the sight of his face.

"Megumi!"

Ah, this is going to be a good day, he thought. As he gazed at your pretty face, and caught your hand in his, clasping it tightly, reveling in your scent and the warmth of your presence beside him—

He was content, and once again it dawned on him, that he likes you so, so damn much.

"Let's get started on our date, shall we?"

6K notes · View notes