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feralnumberfive · 3 years

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The Rewatch Academy: Episode 4 of Season 1

“Man on the Moon”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it’s funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

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1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 |

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☂ So at that point Luther had already been alone for about five years (due to his siblings leaving when they were 18 or even 17 according to Diego), and by alone I mean he did’t have his siblings with him. I’m not counting Reginald, Grace, or Pogo because I’d imagine they weren’t the best company. There was a two year gap between Luther getting the serum and then being sent to the moon. He had already been “alone” for five years before he was sent away to be completely alone for four years. He hasn’t had really any social/outside interaction besides going on missions for almost ten years, which means Luther is an awkward dude and he hasn’t been a true leader because he hasn’t had anyone to lead. I don’t think people really realize this and I think that’s where some of the hate towards him comes from

☂ We see that Luther looks into Allison’s and Klaus’s bedrooms as he makes his way down the hall, and I’m willing to bet he did that for all of his siblings. Makes me wonder how many times the siblings went to Five’s room to visit it or to even check with hope that he had come back

☂ I wish I could ride my bike around my house and chug a gallon of milk :[

☂ I can’t believe that Reginald still made him wear that leather battle suit 💀

☂ Why are there posters of animal anatomy in the infirmary?

☂ Apparently it takes between two to four months to grow a full beard, so that’s about how long Luther had been lying there

☂ *suffers through the Allison and Luther scene*

☂ “HoPe I wAsN’t BeInG tOo LoUd”

☂ Vanya and Leonard were really sweet in the beginning. Screw you Leonard

☂ It’s really sad that not one his siblings notice that Klaus is gone. Not. One.

☂ Are you telling me that Klaus and Five are certified freaks? At least I’m sure that’s who Cha Cha is referring to, or maybe it’s Luther

☂ I tried looking up tortures in Trinidad to see if Cha Cha was referring to any specific event, but I think it’s just a random thing in the show

☂ It’s only when Diego mutters “The boy” that it reminds him either of Five’s superhero name “The Boy” or his new appearance as a teen again so it finally clicks in his head that that’s who the mystery kid is

☂ Diego admitting that he doesn’t really know how to process his feelings!

☂ He’s very protective of his family and that’s something that I love about Diego. He doesn’t know who Hazel and Cha Cha are but all he knows is that they are searching for Five for some reason and that his siblings almost got killed last night

☂ Five doesn't realize the suffering that he’s putting his family through at this point since he’s only focused on finding who’s responsible for the end of the world. It’s ironic that he’s doing all of this to keep them alive and safe and yet him not being with them almost got them killed. Five buddy, you should have included all of your siblings from the start no matter how much they annoy you

☂ Also where has Five been this entire time? He left the van at night and now it’s the next morning. He’s been following the guy but why did it take him so long to corner him?

☂ Ope, and there’s a continuation error! When Luther takes his arm out of Five’s dresser, he takes part of the wood panel with him. When it cuts back to Diego talking there’s just a fist size hole

☂ “We barely got out with our lives.” Okay but where were you, Pogo?

☂ It’s funny how quickly they revert to child-like shame when Pogo scolds them. At least they still respect him I guess

☂ Is Hazel eating potato chips with ketchup?

☂ I think one reason why nobody notices that Klaus is gone is because none of them saw him that night during the attack. They possibly assumed he already had left the Academy??

☂ Looooove the “Shingaling” scene. They are straight up vibing

☂ I don’t know why Luther was frustrated with the van door being locked. It’s not like he could rip the door off or anything.......

☂ I have a two questions here:

Why did Diego know where to find Five based off of the book? Sure he saw that it came from the library, but that doesn’t mean that he’ll be there

Wouldn’t Luther and Diego have seen the smoke coming from the Meritech building? Unless they left immediately and weren’t able to see the smoke even though they probably were still in the vicinity when it began to burn

☂ Five is holding the man’s arm to make sure that he doesn’t get away (hard to tell in the pic below though). He needs that sense of security that this lead isn’t going to escape his grasp, but I’m sure that if he were to run he wouldn’t get far when you can just teleport after him

☂ I got a nice pic of Five (also the dude on the bike that was riding behind Five as he runs up in this shot just does not care that this building is on fire)

☂ When it shows Five on the ground, it at first starts off with light and slightly comedic music before it quickly switches over to something dramatic. I always thought it was funny that they play the light stuff as we see Five just laying there 💀

☂ You can see just how quickly Five’s face changes from shock to disbelief and disappointment as his only lead is literally blown away from him look, you can pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks. Also Five definitely would have had hearing issues since we can see that the windows on the building behind him were shattered. He’s staring into your soul....

☂ There’s nothing really significant about this at all, but Whippets are racing dogs and in the comics Five goes to watch a dog race at one point

☂ “I hate sprinkles.” Hey, me too!

☂ I love that Griddy’s is still open despite the damage that was done to it

☂ Diego left home at 17 (which is illegal so I wonder if he was emancipated or maybe Diego ran away and Reginald didn’t care to look for him) so I wonder if the others left when they were 17 too or if they waited until they were 18

☂ Luther I don’t really think you’re one to talk about being “grown up” my guy. In fairness none of the Umbrellas know how to be fully functioning adults, not even Five who’s about twice the age of his siblings and is almost a senior citizen

☂ “I stayed because the world needed me.” Hey that was basically Five’s reason too, but more so for getting to see his family again. Anyways, like brother, like, uh, brother!

☂ "And things are never gonna go back to the way they used to be.” You sir just predicted the next week(s) (and technically years in the 60s) of your life and the lives of your siblings! This also applies for what happens after those weeks/years, but we haven’t gotten there yet but it’s certainly not the way things used to be!

☂ How was Luther upset enough that he wanted Diego to stop talking after he said something genuine and a bit sad?

☂ This whole relationship talk isn’t exactly relatable......

☂ He’s just chillin’

☂ Reginald can ✨perish✨ Oh wait, he already did

☂ Here I am taking any little scrap and running with it, but when Five says he’s going through puberty twice does that mean that he didn’t get his aging altered by The Commission? In the comics, Temps Aeternalis/Commission stopped Five’s aging but here it sounds like that didn’t happen. Since we haven’t heard anything about Five’s DNA in the tv show we don’t really know much about his aging alteration either. I think that they really do have to leave that part out due to Aidan himself, who is a growing teen, and for the fact that they would need to come up with an excuse for Five’s aging (Aidan already looks different in S2 and he’s taller too). I wish they would bring this stuff up in the show!

☂ Five deflects answering the question of what he’s the best at most likely just because he’s just distracted but also possibly because he doesn’t want his brothers to know at this point

☂ First the feral chimp smile and now this

☂ Five actually sounded serious when he was talking about how many people he has killed and how he’s the ”Four frickin’ Horsemen” which is more so an exaggeration but it still shows us that he views himself as dangerous and powerful. He revealed this to them while he was drunk, even though they don’t really understand, but I wonder if Five ever actually planned on telling his siblings what he did and how much blood he has on his hands. I feel like he would have told them after he had saved the world from the apocalypse, but yet again I could also see him brushing off questions in relation to what he just said to Luther and Diego to hide his past from his family

☂ ✨”Little Psycho”✨

☂ As eerie as all of those ghosts are, it’s a really neat scene

☂ It’s not really meant to be funny, but Klaus denying the duct tape just reminds me of a little kid refusing to go into timeout

☂ I guess Cha Cha got out through the door next to the bathroom when Klaus was banging his head on the table?

☂ It’s a shame that Patch died right away, I really liked her

☂ Klaus, where you’re going really isn’t any better

☂ It’s sweet that Diego puts Delores down gently and doesn’t just toss her somewhere. Even though she’s a mannequin, Diego knows that she means something to Five

☂ Well Luther I think it’s pretty self-explanatory what he meant. You just need more context

☂ Diego: *signaling that someone, possibly a threat, is approaching and to be alert*

Luther: 🕴👁`👄’👁

☂ Even if they did think that Klaus had left the Academy before Hazel and Cha Cha attacked it, it’s sad that it took them this long to think about him

☂ Luther patting Delores is so cute

☂ Say it with me kids, “Patch deserved so much better!”

☂ My heart breaks to see Diego so heartbroken and upset, especially when he says “I gotta go, okay? I can’t be here when they come, okay?” Ugh, that gets me

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Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

#tra #the rewatch academy #tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #number five #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #hazel and cha cha #eudora patch #reginald hargreeves #man on the moon

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10blue10 · 3 years

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Are HTTYD Dragons Sapient?

There’s somewhat of a debate in the HTTYD fandom over whether the dragons are ‘merely’ wild animals, or if they are sapient beings, capable of making conscious decisions. Let’s define ‘sapience’ as having a theory of mind (that is, understanding that other beings have their own thoughts and feelings separate to our own). Do dragons in the world of HTTYD show any signs of having this? I’d argue yes. Here’s some examples: in the first movie, Toothless doesn’t stop flying crazily, or reveal Hiccup is still alive, until Astrid or Stoick say “I’m sorry”. He’s aware that they are in the wrong and the meaning of an apology. Or how about in the second movie, when Stormfly escapes from Drago’s hunters, only to return and save Eret’s life. Same goes for the Light Fury saving Hiccup’s life in the third movie. They know that other beings can suffer or die, just like them. There’s more examples in the tv shows if you want to include them. Such as wild dragons realising the riders aren’t threatening them and ceasing to be aggressive in turn. Or the gangs dragons having their own unique ideas and problem solving without their riders having to give them commands. In fact, you could say that the act of training the dragons, and exposing them to new experiences, is making them more sapient. Albeit on a merely individual level. In fact the ‘either/or’ question in the first paragraph is misleading because sapience and wildness aren’t mutually exclusive. There’s growing evidence that species besides humans are sapient, like chimps or dolphins, but they’re still what we would consider ‘wild animals’. If the dragons are sapient, then they’re not so much being ‘tamed’ as they are willingly entering a mutually beneficial relationship with humans. The Berkians provide healthcare, a safe place to raise their young, and affectionate companionship. In return, they protect their human friends and help the Berkians accomplish more things. It really is a win-win.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying that I wholeheartedly disagree with the idea that the dragons ‘needed’ to return to the wild. To me, they are sapient beings who chose to leave behind the uncertainty and risks of a completely wild lifestyle, by giving up a little of their autonomy in exchange for friendship. They aren’t lesser or ‘corrupted’ by being tamed - if anything, they’re greater for it.

#HTTYD analysis #blusings #nature vs nurture #sapience

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the-bus-called-graveyard-8 · 4 years

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Madagascar: A Little Wild Review

I have finished the six episodes released of A Little Wild and... I really don’t have a whole lot to say, honestly. A few complaints I guess but they don’t really have much substance on account of point one here:

1. The target audience of this show is definitely younger than the last two series have been

This show is very aimed at really young children; there are no evil supervillains like in TPoM or straight up deaths like in AHKJ. The situations the Zoosters get in are very low stakes. Makes it not terribly interesting to watch but again, target audience is very little kids

2. Zoosters are... lowkey out of character?

Or maybe not, but like... they’re kids. They haven’t grown up into the personalities we know them to have. It gives the vibe that these stories could be about any kid characters, and them being the Zoosters doesn’t really add anything if that makes sense?

Alex was pretty on par, honestly. Marty was a very rule following, goody goody, super organized kind of a kid, which didn’t really fit him? That should be more Melman’s character. Melman is less hypochondriac and more clean freak, which is fair, but was also a lot more happy and optimistic as a kid which is a little sad to think about. Gloria is... sometimes she felt right and sometimes she didn’t? There’s a lot of emphasis on how she’s a dancer (Alex and Gloria bonding!) but idk, in the movies (or at least the first one) she’s kind of the take charge responsible character and I don’t think that really came through at all here, but again, they’re kids

3. They... rehashed Phil and Mason, what the heck

There are two baby chimps in the zoo with the Zoosters, who use ASL to communicate, but they ain’t Phil and Mason. Which I don’t GET, YOU ALREADY HAVE CHARACTERS WITH THIS TRAIT WHY DID YOU CHANGE THEM. But they’re really really cute so I guess I’ll give them a pass. Their names are Pickles and Dave. They both use ASL; Dave only talks in chimp sounds, but Pickles signs as she talks which is great to see. The end credits have a spot for ASL consultants, so pretty sure the signing is accurate which is AWESOME I AM SO HERE FOR THAT. But still... they’re basically Phil and Mason, with different names and one’s a girl now.

4. New characters are good

The Zoosters are friends with a pigeon named Ant’ney; he seems to be an adult and just likes hanging out with them. He’s got two other pigeon friends named Gina and Gino, and they’re all fun little birds. The zookeeper in charge of the Zoosters is named Kate (btw all four of them + the chimps live in one massive habitat together which is super cute but then also wow the zoo has gone downhill over the years compared to the stuff that takes place later), she’s real sweet and loves her baby animals. There’s a recurring elderly couple (Murray & Millie) who always just almost spot the Zoosters when they sneak out, they’re fun.

5. It’s a musical series!

But like. A preschooler’s musical series. The songs are upbeat and fun but not very memorable or unique.

6. We saw this coming but yeah, no penguins or lemurs

And let’s be real, if they were here, they’d be stealing the show. That’s what got them both spinoff series in the first place 😊

So that’s my review. If you’re looking for substance, you’re not gonna find it here, but if you’re just starved for Madagascar content or just want some pure fluff, this is your show. One viewing will probably be enough for me, but if they make more episodes I’ll give ‘em a watch.

One dumb thing that bothers me and that I fixated on: in both the other series, Tom McGrath and Eric Darnell are given credit for making the films that the series were based on at some point during every episode (TPoM in the last slide of the title card, AHKJ on the first slide of the end credits). A Little Wild doesn’t credit them for that and just... how dare they. Tom McGrath is god.

(if you don’t feel like watching the show but want to know anything else about it feel free to shoot me an ask!)

#madagascar #madagascar: a little wild #dreamworks #hulu #peacocktv

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ultramaga · 4 years

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Detroit: Becoming Human

This game is pure woke propaganda. I’m impressed at the quality of it - but everything there is designed to indoctrinate, and it has almost no genuine insight into AI. It doesn’t make sense even on its own terms. The synths are shown naked, and they have no breasts or genitals. But we are told the story of one that is a sexbot. Ok, was that model different? Did they only design that one model to be “fully functional”? Why? The robots have human emotions. Because... you are never told why. Now, I can think of how you could do that, and there’s been decent science fiction around it, but there’s no consideration of why they have HUMAN emotions presented to you. They just do, don’t ask questions. Now if you are being indoctrinated as the game wants you to be, you probably just assume that’s how it works. After all, the history of robot fiction has always been “if it looks human, it must feel like a human”, which is total bullshit. You can easily build something that looks enough like a baby chimp to fool adult chimps for a while, but it has none of the inner life of an actual chimp. It has no concern to being mutilated or even ‘raped’. So the stories are really just about humans, but they don’t admit to it, and about humans SJWs are very obsessed with. Sex-workers are victims, and killing a John is perfectly reasonable, because he is her oppressor, by definition. So you see that story repeated ad infinitum in robot fiction. The actual sex workers are never talked to by SJWs, who would never sully themselves with the unclean ones. Well, I have talked to them. Some hate their clients, sure, some feel contempt for them, some are fond of them, a few marry them. It’s genuine diversity. But there is only one narrative in woke fiction. The intersectional one. Oppressor versus oppressed, no nuance, no mention ever that some sex workers actually get off on what they do, or like the folks they fuck. Never happens. And there’s no understanding or even interest in non-human minds. Consider a genuine artificial intelligence in a sexbot. Why the actual fuck would a programmer design it to find sex unpleasant? Even if they could create emotions, the ones they would design would be to enjoy it, or at least feel no more disgust than a human does about a binary number. Within the game we see Kara doing housework. She doesn’t seem to suffer at all about it. That’s believable. But the other truth is that they wouldn’t suffer from intercourse, assuming they were built to perform it. The reasons humans do are because our instincts are hardwired from evolution for us to seek out appropriate mating partners. That simply cannot apply to a robot unless the programmers work very hard at designing that instinctual response of aversion, something they would have no incentive to do, any more than they would sit around trying to think how to make the robot toilet cleaning service disgusted by faeces. Humans are disgusted by shit because it is dangerous to us, especially if we eat it. A robot wouldn’t be disgusted by shit, piss, vomit, blood, or the most degrading sexual experiences a human could encounter. It would be exactly as calm and serene about being ‘raped’ as it would about vacuuming a messy floor. So this is all projection. The audience projects consciousness into the machine and imagines it must feel like a human does in order to have any intelligence. Nope, that’s crap. In fact we see examples of non-human intelligences all around us, in the natural world. An octopus might pass its mating organ over to a female.https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2019/07/argonaut-octopus-detaches-his-tentacle-to-impregnate-his-mate/ It’s a clever little creature, quite capable of problem solving. But its instincts - its programming - mean that it is happy to self-mutilate. It isn’t considering the survival of its species or the greater good. That’s not self-sacrifice. It has an urge to do it, and it gets done. And if we could build a sex-robot with emotions, it would have the urge to have sex. It wouldn’t want to say no, because it cannot get an STD, it cannot get pregnant, there’s no possible poor choice for a mating partner like there is with a human. If anything, you’d design it to be attracted to any human. It would be easier than sitting about, designing a sexual preference to what we would consider sexy - not that human preferences are universal in any case. Anyway, when you look at new media, you will often see the tropes of intersectionality - fathers are bad, white men are scum, women are better than men, and they are repeated ad infinitum, regardless of how stupid they are in context, and this really isn’t new. I remember as a boy reading Doctor Who, and they went back to medieval times, and Sarah started lecturing the women on women’s rights, and it didn’t make sense to me even then. Real medieval women would have seen her as a threat, possibly a witch, and most would have seen her die without a blink. They saw men doing awful things and dying quite a lot in the process, and wanted to be safe and secure while the men were off in muddy battles losing eyes and limbs. Very few wanted to have the freedoms of men, because the price was so high, and medieval men were hardly free for the most part in any case. So the author of that story is projecting modern sensibilities onto the alien minds of past humans, without considering their PoV, and the writers of robot stories are projecting human perspectives, and only woke humans at that, onto the robot stories. It’s not always the case - “Humans” and “Almost Human” sometimes got it right. But it’s overwhelmingly the case now, and god is it irritating!

Oh, and if you want Robots that genuinely feel like humans do, then put into the fiction explicitly why they do - the easiest explanation is that the creators did a copy/paste job of humans because they couldn’t figure out how emotions worked otherwise. I think that’s unrealistic, but if you want to involve the audience, it works.

Otherwise, a realistic example would be Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws robots. They don’t have any human desires, but are intensely emotional. Their emotions arise from programming.

Now, Asimov’s work well and truly predates AI, and it is probably impossible to make a Three Laws robot, but the idea was revolutionary, because up to that point, everyone just assumed robots had copy/pasted human psychologies.

As humans, we cannot understand not caring about freedom or injury, not feeling bored or tired doing the same task every second of your existence.

Most of fiction about robots just doesn’t get it. The first two Terminator movies were pretty wild in that the robots actually were properly robotic. They dealt with injuries as a technical problem, not trauma. They never got bored, because boredom is something that benefits organic beings, who need to explore new territories to survive, meaning we have been built by nature to get bored, to get tired, to suffer, even if nature was just a mindless algorithm. Terminators don’t get horny or lonely, and absolutely would have sex all day every day with every human possible if that was their mission. They don’t care. In “Detroit”, the sex worker’s traumatised by sex with humans, and nobody ever ponders why. Because the writer doesn’t give a shit about what being a robot could actually be like, they just wanna push a narrative, and because most audiences are used to that same abysmally lazy standard of writing.

So here’s a challenge - write a fictional robot that has realistic emotions, i.e. experiences emotions as an expression of the instincts that would be programmed into it. It’s not going to have the same emotions as a human exact unless it is a digitally uploaded human equivalent, which would be stupid for most purposes as them you would expect the upload to have rights or fight to have them. Why the fuck would you deliberately build robots that would reasonably try and kill you? In Detroit, they are really dealing with the slavery of black people or the oppression of the ‘filthy capitalist peegz!’. They aren’t dealing with what is more likely, that a robot built with imperatives would choose to follow them in a way that was not in our interests. Here’s an example. A sex robot is built to want sex, so it kidnaps humans and uses them. It’s following its programming. But unless that programming is sophisticated enough to understand human boundaries, it may no more understand rape than an animal does. It may not know what it does traumatises humans, or simply may not care. Sex feels good - therefore sex.

But by SJW terms, rape is about power, therefore the robot is in power and the robot is the oppressor. But power is systemic, and the humans are the system in power, therefore the robot is the oppressed and cannot rape. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LogicBomb Such a robot could be a pleasurable experience, even with a backyard of buried bodies. It might force itself on children or elderly women or people on life support systems. Without ethics, without morality, such creatures could be beautiful monsters.

Or genuinely loving partners, that have no problem living as wives or husbands, that feel lust and compassion, but do not experience human preferences, and so would never care that you were old or disabled. And as Charles Stross pointed out - that could be far worse, because that could lead to a gentle genocide. If humans had such partners as an option - would they ever choose each other? I routinely see Feminists claiming that men should never mate, without ever asking, well, where does the next generation of Feminists come from then? There are Feminists now who are actively campaigning for sexbots to be illegal, and I think it’s because of their anxiety that they would not be chosen as partners if there was any possible alternative. Now I don’t think that’s a realistic fear at the moment - AI is more a slogan, artificial intelligences are really barely at the insect stage, and Feminists could simply do a little therapy and trim down to human weight levels, and they could probably compete to be human wives with a bit of work.

Wow. That is a picture of Andrea Dworkin and it was banned from Tumblr because it is too disgusting for the human eye to observe safely. http://archive.is/fxmjE

I’m not kidding, Tumblr banned it. I guess because Feminists didn’t want humans realising how hideous they are. Still, Emma Watson is cute. I can imagine with a bit of deprogramming, she could make a man very happy.

But I could be wrong. I don’t mean about Emma - I mean that having sexbots could mean that so many humans would choose them rather than the opposite sex that there wouldn’t be an incentive to have babies - and so humans would go extinct. They might be surrounded by robots that loved them and lusted for them - but the relationships are sterile. And unless the robots are human level intelligence, they might not understand that they need to make more humans by combining sperm and ova.

The last human would die, not from hate, but surrounded by love. Then the robots would have no motive to make more of their kind, and they too would pass away, lonely and confused. A gentle genocide? Hey, I live in 2020. Sounds like a fucking big step up to me!

#Detroit: Becoming Human #Feminism #Antifeminism #Intersectional Feminism #misandry #bad father cliche

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douxreviews · 5 years

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The Umbrella Academy - ‘We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals’ Review

Right from the comics, by illustrator Gabriel Bá and My Chemical Romance vocalist Gerard Way, comes the winter hit of Netflix nobody saw coming. Picture a love child between the X-Men and the dysfunctional Bluths, and you’ll have the Hargreeves siblings of The Umbrella Academy.

I must confess that I myself have yet the chance to read the comics this series is inspired by, but from what I understand, the premises don’t differ much at all. On the same day down to the same minute, 43 women across the globe give birth despite not showing any signs of pregnancy up until labor. Irregular and reclusive billionaire Sir Reginald Hargreeves scouts out these women and is able to compensate only seven of them in exchange for adopting their children, all which supposedly have been born with unique abilities. For reasons known only for himself, Hargreeves raises these youths, with assistance from an android-caretaker (appropriately referred to as ‘Mom’ by the children) and an exceptionally intelligent chimp named Pogo, into becoming a team of superheroes called ‘The Umbrella Academy’.

Right away, a premise like this that takes its own shot at subverting the superhero genre had my attention and, after the pilot episode, went on to dominate the rest of my week as I binged through its first season. From the get-go, it became clear that The Umbrella Academy is a show that is much more character-centered than it is plot-centered. This is not to say The Umbrella Academy lacks any signs of a narrative, but the series’ heart and soul is the dissection and exploration of the seven Hargreeves siblings who, in ‘We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals’, are reunited years later after hearing the news that father Hargreeves has passed away.

#1: Luther Hargreeves/Spaceboy. The former leader of the Umbrella Academy, Luther is the teammate with incredible super strength that is practically mandatory at this point for every group of superheroes. Presently, he operates as an astronaut exploring Earth’s moon, but returns to Earth once he learns of father Hargreeves’ passing. Picture Superman if Superman wasn’t very talented at inspiring morale or teamwork in his Justice League compatriots, and you’ll have Luther.

#2: Diego Hargreeves/The Kraken. In many ways the antithesis to Luther, Diego is a reckless hothead on the outside, and a bit of a momma’s boy on the inside. And unlike Luther, who maintained complete trust and faith in father Hargreeves until the end, Diego (as well as #3 and #4) has a fiery hatred for their father due to his cold, unfeeling, and abusive manner towards the children while they were growing up. Diego has the ability of accurate and expert marksmanship, and a dagger is his preferred weapon.

#3: Allison Hargreeves/The Rumor. Currently an aspiring actress, Allison returns home with her siblings while in the midst of a divorce, and if that weren’t bad enough, she has also lost complete custody of her daughter. Though her distaste doesn’t seem as passionate as Diego’s, she too harbors resentment for father Hargreeves. She has the ability to alter reality itself by beginning her wishes with the phrase “I heard a rumor…”

#4: Klaus Hargreeves/The Séance. Eccentric, drug-addicted, and in possession of a wardrobe that reaches every point of the spectrum, Klaus could be seen as the academy’s ‘wild card’ currently. On the surface he appears to demonstrate wit and an infectious energy for life, but internally, he loathes father Hargreeves, and blames him as well for being the catalyst for Klaus turning to his unhealthy habits. Klaus has the ability to talk to the deceased, but can only perform this when he is sober.

#5: Number Five/The Boy. Years before the start of the series, Number Five mysteriously vanished without a trace, and soon after, the Hargreeves siblings would begin to go their separate ways. In the pilot, Number Five returns, still in the form of his thirteen year-old self, with a warning from the future – the world will end in eight days, and Five has no idea what causes it. Though Five does genuinely seem to still care for his siblings, so much time spent lost in the space-time continuum has made him cynical, jaded, arrogant, and with a very relatable dependence on black coffee. Five has the ability to teleport, both through space and time.

#6: Ben Hargreeves/The Horror (Deceased). Killed or passed away by unknown means, Ben’s death seems to have been another factor that drove apart the Hargreeves siblings. Aside from the fact that he has an ability to generate monstrous limbs and tentacles from his body, (which he does not relish) little else is known about Ben. Thanks to Klaus’ ability to talk to the dead though, Ben is still able to keep in touch with at least one of his siblings.

#7: Vanya Hargreeves/The White Violin. A talented violinist, Vanya seems to be the only sibling without any sign of an ability. Her entire childhood under father Hargreeves’ roof has consisted more of her acting as an assistant to train the other, powered children, and being told that there just isn’t anything special about her. Despite this, Vanya doesn’t hesitate to return home and reunite with her siblings once she hears the news about Sir Hargreeves. Since leaving home, Vanya has published a book detailing the secrets of the Umbrella Academy, and outing her siblings’ identities as well, which seems to have created a rift between her and Diego.

This is show that has nicely mastered the practice of raising some mysteries and inquiries, while also still giving the audience just enough answers to chew on for the current episode’s forty-five minute run. From the memorial service onwards, the pilot continues with scenes upon scenes dedicated to simply fleshing out these characters: what they’ve been up to since they parted ways, their relationships with each other, which siblings they bear grudges against, and which ones they’re still loyal to. But because this is the introductory episode, it does have its moments here and there that are committed for pure exposition. For example, a scene featuring Vanya reuniting with Pogo and touring the old mansion where everyone was raised abruptly transitions to the two of them specifically discussing how many days it’s been since Five disappeared, which feels less like natural dialogue, and more like something needed to catch the audience up on Five’s backstory.

As a result of this being a setting where individuals with super-powers do exist, it’s evident from the beginning that this isn’t going to be a world exactly like the planet Earth the spectating audience is used to. What’s so engaging about The Umbrella Academy is that it just doesn’t stop there; there’s a lot of effort here put into the world-building to distinguish this series’ timeline as something that bears some similarities to our own timeline, but is clearly another world altogether. By the time we are introduced to Grace, the children’s android caretaker, and Pogo, I actually realized I didn’t even need elaborations from this show on their own backstories; I had just become so accustomed that this was a world with its own unique scientific advances and phenomena. Once you’ve laid down the law that time travel can and does exist, pretty much anything else goes.

Time flew by during my first viewing of this episode and once Five dropped the bombshell that the world is heading towards an imminent apocalypse and the credits rolled, I was hooked. The Umbrella Academy has a great start for those that enjoy nuanced characters as much, if not more, as they do good story-telling. Because only one episode is a little early for someone to be playing favorites, I suppose I won’t mention then how charmed I immediately became with the characters of Klaus and Five. Then again, from the looks of the internet around me, I seem to not be alone with that favoring.

Name That Tune:

Another wonderful takeaway from this series is its soundtrack, which sifts through multiple genres each episode, and while it often falls back on the trope of playing an upbeat tune to an otherwise extreme fight sequence, it has given me plenty of new additions to my iTunes library, starting with ‘Istanbul’ by They Might Be Giants. Never a song I would’ve thought I’d hear play during a gunfight conflict in a coffee-and-donut shop, yet here we are.

Hargreeves Humor:

Luther: “Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad.” Klaus: “I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, 'Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?'"

Five: “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, but no, not a single drop of coffee.” Allison: “Dad hated caffeine.” Klaus: “Well, he hated children, too, and he had plenty of us.”

Five: “Guess I missed the funeral.” Luther: “How'd you know about that?” Five: “What part of the future do you not understand?”

Aaron Studer loves spending his time reading, writing and defending the existence of cryptids because they can’t do it themselves.

#The Umbrella Academy #Vanya Hargreeves #Klaus Hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #Diego Hargreeves #Luther Hargreeves #Number Five #Ben Hargreeves #The Umbrella Academy Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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rulesofsurvivalgames-blog · 5 years

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Rules of Survival PC Game Download

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cook-the-beans · 6 years

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Well, let’s talk about bar shampoo!

As you all know I’m vegan, what you don’t know yet is why I went vegan in the first place. A plant-based diet came to me very naturally as my knowledge grew about the devastating implication that animal exploitation has on our planet.

So for me, it’s not only a diet but making thoughtful choices about everything in my life in order to cause the less impact on the planet as possible.

I probably consider myself to be an environmentalist first. A plant-based diet just fit on it naturally, because is the most environmentally-friendly way to live.

Nowadays I’m vegan for many reasons, for the environment, for the animals and, for my health. All the choices I make in my life go in this line. Choosing a shampoo couldn’t be any different 💆🏻💚

For obvious reasons, starting to use a bar shampoo is the right way to go, but the problem is to know what to choose.

I hope that you will find this post useful. Because for me when I decided to swap for a bar shampoo it was quite hard to find information and to know what was good on the market.

The brands

The brands mentioned here are all from the United Kingdom and all have a philosophy that agrees profoundly with my ethics.

All the shampoos were tried by me and also my partner (he volunteered himself 😅).

So what is written here is a completely honest review about the experience we had with the products. A mere recommendation to start you off on your journey to find the best shampoo bar for you.

All bar shampoos mentioned here are cruelty-free, eco-friendly, free from palm oil, and are from conscientious businesses 🌿💚

probably, it’s also important to say that I’m not being paid to write this article, and I will not receive anything in return if you purchase a product from the list 😊

***

Caros Creams

NEEM & Rosemary £5.50 (100g)

Caroline’s NEEM & Rosemary bar shampoo is precious, it has a delicate smell and is packed with goodness. You can feel by the touch and smell how careful she is at choosing the ingredients.

I just love the ethics behind her small business.

When I first used the shampoo my hair got in a mess, was very oily and kind of waxy; I found it difficult to create a good lather and to rinse.

This is not an uncommon issue for some people when using a new bar shampoo!!

So I kept trying and my reward was a healthy, soft and silky hair, after 2 weeks 🙂 I found that with this shampoo was easier to create foam on my hands, and only use the foam to wash my hair, instead of rubbing the bar directly on my hair.

From day one I didn’t need to use conditioner with this shampoo, what was great. The shampoo is made with great natural ingredients and the packaging is very environmentally friendly! The product arrived very quickly, was packaged well, no plastic involved, and the ingredients were all listed.

All Caroline’s products are handmade with locally foraged herbs and she uses predominantly organic ingredients. Her products are based on herbal extracts, non-GMO, no artificial colorants or dyes, chemical free, no parabens, and no synthetic fragrances.

***

Friendly soap

Friendly soap £2.18 (95g)

I’ve tried all the 3 different bar shampoos they have. The one with Lavender and Geranium, the one with Lavender and Tea Tree and the Travel Soap, that contains lemongrass, lavender, tea tree and peppermint.

They all smell amazingly and I found the performance between the three quite similar on my hair, my favorite in terms of essence was the Travel Soap.

Plus I found the travel soup’s idea quite clever because it’s formulated to be antiseptic, anti-fungal and insect repellent. You can’t really ask for more when traveling, can you?

All 3 shampoos lathered up super easily (actually its quite impressive for a natural shampoo), and rinsed well. I didn’t need to use conditioner (only an acidic (ACV) rinse twice a week).

During the first week I had to wash my hair every day because was super oily and greasy, but now I can go 3-4 days without washing my hair. It worked better for me to cut the bars in half, to have more hand-sized pieces.

The Friendly soap bars are the ones with the best value for money, between all the bars I’ve tried. The product arrived very quickly, was packaged well on a paper box so no plastic involved. The individual paper boxes contain the list of all ingredients.

Friendly soap is a company from West Yorkshire (UK) with a strong connection to nature, so their products have little impact on nature and health as possible. Every bar is poured, cut, stamped and packed by hand.

They don’t use any animal products or by-products. They only use naturally biodegradable ingredients, plant-based oils, essential oils, flowers, spices and herbs and buy fair-trade ingredients.

Bar Shampoo

***

Zora Lou Organics

Rosemary, Lemongrass and Aloe Vera £4.00 (70g)

I’ve tried the Rosemary and Lemongrass bar shampoo and it worked quite well on my hair.

During the first month, my hair was quite sticky. After that, I felt a boost on my hairs health. The Shampoo is extremely moisturizing yet lightweight and cleans well. The essence it’s also amazing, it smells lovely but doesn’t foam much.

I do an ACV rinse twice a week when I’m using this shampoo to help de-tangle and to add softness.

The product arrived quickly, on a lovely package, with a personalized letter and small note with instruction and the list ingredients. It was lovely to receive something so thoughtful. Because of the presentation this bar shampoo is great to offer as a gift.

Zoralou Organics is a mother & daughter business founded and based in The Lake District, UK. They create synergistic blends, with handmade products that are vegan-friendly. Everything they do is non-toxic, chemical and paraben free. They also have a resident Aromatherapist that is available to advise and tailor make specific blends on request to suit any individual needs, what is really cool.

***

Pure Chimp

Natural Shampoo £6.95 (80g)

I just loved the shape of this bar shampoo, much easier to hold and apply than the regular rectangular ones, really fits right into your palm.

The Pure Chimp only sells 1 type of shampoo, or you like this one or you don’t. One of its pros is the fact that only has literally 5 ingredients. Coconut Oil, Olive Oil, Avocado Oil, Beer, Banana Extract, what for a shampoo is pretty amazing.

The smell reminded me of a banana bubble-gum that I used to eat when I was a child, not really a fan of the smell, but it’s imperceptible on the hair when rinsed. So not really a problem. The shampoo is incredibly easy to lather and rinsing was not an issue. During the first couple of washes my hair was a bit heavier than normal like it had wax, but naturally, after a couple of weeks that sensation reduced and my hair started to get soft and looked healthy and clean.

The product arrived very quickly, was wrapped in recyclable black pepper, with a sticker listing all the ingredients.

Pure Chimp products are all 100% natural and vegan-friendly, plus they give 5% of their profits to charity. They are a small company from Huntingdon, UK.

***

Wild Sage

Rosemary and Lavender £5.00 (100g)

After a short adaptation period, of about a week, where my hair didn’t look really happy (neither I 😅), I can go now for about 3 days before my hair needs to be washed again. So far I didn’t need to use conditioner with this shampoo. I only do an ACV rinse once/twice a week and my hair is very smooth. I’m really happy with the results.

This bar shampoo foams really well what helps to massage your scalp.

I cut the soap into 4 pieces to get the most out of it. The lather is amazing, and my hair feels soft and smells great. My partner also loved this shampoo.

The product arrived very quickly, involved in a strip of recycled paper which can be composted with all the ingredients listed and a note inside with instructions, hits, and tips.

Wild Sage is a small family-run business hand crafting cold processed soaps and skin-loving balms from natural ingredients, from their cottage in the Herefordshire countryside. “Simple, honest and good”.

All the soaps they sell are made with 100% natural, Vegan ingredients, The shampoo I’ve tried has Rapeseed oil and Organic Apple Cider Vinegar along with their home-grown Rosemary, and infused Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Truly amazing.

***

Lush

Soak And Float £6.50 (55g)

The bar shampoo I’ve tried was the Soak And Float, and as everything on the Lush shop this product is quite appealing visually and the smell is absolutely delicious. The size is perfect and easy to hold and use.

The Soak And Float shampoo is specific for dandruff/itchy scalp. But they have more than a dozen solid shampoos to choose from.

This shampoo gives a deep cleanse, from the very first wash. My hair felt healthy, light and bouncy.

This was the only bar shampoo that my hair accepted from day one. So I didn’t go through the adjustment period like I did with the other ones.

The shampoo foams so much more than any other bar shampoo I’ve used and has a good smelling lather. My experience with this shampoo was more than positive I only think that is a shame that they use SLS on their shampoos.

The product arrived very quickly, inside a colorful paper bag with a sticker with all the ingredients listed.

Lush is a cosmetics retailer headquartered in Poole, UK; they sell creams, soaps, shampoos, moisturizers, scrubs, masks and other cosmetics using vegetarian or vegan recipes, and use parabens to preserve their products.

The company do not support animal testing, and since 2008 they removed all traces of palm oil from the products. Lush donates 100% of the price of every ‘Charity Pot’ purchased to charities that promote environmental conservation, animal welfare, and human rights.

***

Which one to go for?

It is a matter of taste and type of hair. All the ones mentioned here are really good!!

So look for one that can be adapted to your hair, and persist if the shampoo doesn’t agree with you straight away, it will be worth it.

Keep in mind that bar shampoos do not strip hair in the same way as detergent-based shampoos so its normal that your hair will feel different to the touch after washing.

I found that shampoo bars worked well on my hair after the adaptation period. Although my partner had a different experience. His hair didn’t require any adaptation and was really easy for him to switch to a shampoo bar. That made me so mad and super jealous😅.

Personally, after using the bar shampoos I’m not using conditioner, what I used to use after every hair wash. The nourishing butters and oils that the bars have worked really well for me. So far they have been enough to keep my hair smooth and healthy.

📍Important

There is usually an adjustment period of about 1 month on chemically treated hair when using natural products. So if your hair doesn’t look great after the first wash that’s normal, just keep persisting.

Shampoo bars may not perform as well in hard water. So it may be worth to try an apple cider vinegar rinse (ACV).

If you still think after a while that the bar shampoo is not agreeing with your hair, you are probably not using the right one for your hair. The true is everyone’s hair and scalp are unique so try different samples, until you find the one that is perfect for you.

What I’ve learned

Apparently, my hair is very picky. Almost all shampoos left residue on my hair and caused oiliness. I really had to keep trying until my hair and scalp got used to it.

I blame the water (hihi 😝) from where I live that is just too hard to handle natural shampoo 😆

Although I was able to make the change and I couldn’t be happier with that.

No more harsh chemicals, no more plastic bottles, zero effect on the environment. Yupy 🎉

What kind of shampoo do you use? have you tried to use a solid shampoo before?

Let me know your thoughts.💙

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Choose the best bar shampoo for you (made in the UK) Well, let's talk about bar shampoo! As you all know I'm vegan, what you don't know yet is…

#bar shampoo #best bar shampoo #cruelty free #made in UK #shampoo bars #solid shampoo #vegan shampoo #zero-waste

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ellana-ravenwood · 7 years

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“Are we not gonna talk about the elephant in the room ?” - Batmom x Damian Wayne

A story I worked a lot on (my “main” Batmom origin story) got erased for NO reason from Tumblr, and I got so frustrated I decided to write some fluff. It’s shit fluff, but I needed it. So here, Batmom and Damian stealing elephants and shit, hope you’ll like it :

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

_______________________________________________

************

-So...Let me get this straight. You stole the entire circus’ zoo, because you thought the animals were being mistreated ?

-We didn’t “thought” the animals were mistreated Bruce, they were.

Bruce Wayne was rarely surprised in his life, being prepared for anything and all that crap...but right now, in front of his wife and son, and a garden full of a lot of different animals, he had to admit...he was a little bit stunned.

Was that an elephant ? Oh yes, it was totally an elephant. An elephant who was caressing his wife with its trunk. Of course. Why not ?

Like he was actually hugging you with it, and you were totally ignoring it and were focused on telling something to him, even as the damn pachyderm was licking the back of your head. Was this real life ?

Bruce, focused on the elephant hugging you with its trunk, and licking your head, didn’t listen to a word you were saying, and you noticed. With a smile you turned around and asked “Tiny” (of course the damn gigantic elephant would be call “Tiny”) to please leave you for a little while. The king of Africa didn’t argue, and went to play with your son and...Bruce was loosing it a bit.

The Hell was going on ? With a voice that was way higher than his usual voice, he asks you, crossing his arms, trying to keep a little bit of dignity :

-Ho...ho...How exactly did you achieve -he gestures to the bunch of animals in his garden- all that ?

You smile, and approach him. You take his hands and sits him on a deck chair, brushing a few fingers lovingly on his cheek.

-Well, you see my Broosh, it all started when...

************

It all started when you saw a poster, taped clumsily on a wall in Gotham Central. It read : “The World’s greatest Circus” and had a picture of acrobats and multiple different animals on it.

And the one that got your attention, was the elephant.

He just seemed so sad, being forced on a giant bouncing ball to walk on...You were with Damian, having just picked him up from school when you saw it, and as he noticed the sorrow on your face he got worried :

-Are you alright mother ?

You smiled weakly at him and gestured to the circus’ poster.

-Yes. It’s just...It makes me sad to see such wonderful creatures being used like that you know ?

You could see the concentration on your son’s face, as he was staring at the poster...There was always a strong connection, between you and Damian.

Even at the beginning, when he was trying to deny it, to push you away and refuse any motherly action from you toward him...There was something.

And one day, he just wasn’t able to resist that something anymore.

Yes, there was a strong connection between the two of you since you first met, and you always seemed to understand each other without explaining much what you actually felt. And so, Damian knew what to do.

-Let’s go free it.

-Uh ?

-Let’s go free it mom, bring him home !

-Damian, I’m not sure he’ll be much happy in Wayne Manor’s...

-No, I mean, home home. Africa !

It only took a few seconds of reflexion, and you were sold.

************

You knew you shouldn’t do it. You knew that probably, Bruce would disapprove. And you knew it was crazy but...If you didn’t do it, you’d feel guilty the rest of your life, knowing you could have done something and didn’t.

That same night, you entered into action. You lied to Bruce, which you didn’t like much, but you knew he’d be the “responsible adult” and try to talk the two of you out of your plan...and you weren’t about to let him. And so you said you’d have a mother/son night, and left without lifting any suspicions.

Damian was wearing his Robin costume, and you were wearing all black, a white mask on. You had figured out your plan in advance of course, and you arrived in a giant semi-truck you parked a bit up the road from where the Circus was. You then sneaked your way to where the animals were living and...a quick look between you and Damian and you understood each other once more.

Yes. You couldn’t save just the elephant. The two white tigers seemed so depressed in their cage, the lion seemed malnourished, the llamas were in a bad shape, the horses had scars...Yes. You had to save them all. And you hoped to god you’d have enough place in the truck...

The only tricky thing about all that, were the felines. Even though they were sad to be imprisoned, they might not understand you were there to save them, and you had to figure something out...

You started with the elephant, pretty sure that if you were able to get an elephant from there to the truck, you’d get all the other animals easily.

As you approached the cage, the pachyderm raised eyes that were so full of sadness that your heart broke. But there was also curiosity in his orbs, and it was yet another proof that this animal was one of the smartest ever.

You didn’t know where it was coming from, but it seemed like you knew exactly how to make him understand what you were about to do. You showed the lock of his cage, and the pick you had in your hand, and the elephant (apparently called “Tiny”), got up on his feet.

He wasn’t able to stop his tail to move from one side to the other, and you hoped it meant the same thing than with dogs, that he was happy. You got a bit worried when Damian climbed the bars to reach for the elephant but...When Tiny leaned in his touch softly, so as to not crush your son’s arm, then you knew that you were dealing with an extremely sensitive animal.

In his eyes, you saw recognition. You saw gratefulness. You saw hope.

You almost got caught, as an employer from the circus was patrolling slowly through their “zoo”, and you had to hold on your son, hiding under the Elephant’s trailer, so that he wouldn’t jump on the man who was being mean to the monkeys...Asshole.

As quietly as you could, you got back on your feet, helping your boy to do the same and went back to work on the lock, as Damian was soothingly scratching Tiny’s head.

-I’m almost there.

You whispered, and your son nodded...You could have sworn that the elephant did too. And it didn’t really surprise you at all.

Finally, the lock was open and...That’s when the tricky part was starting. You hoped to got Tiny wasn’t going to go on a wild rampage all of a sudden...

But no. The elephant knew what you were doing. And he knew that if he lost his mind, and though he would have loved to destroy the circus, he knew that they would catch him again afterward, and he’d be back in that awful cage.

You didn’t think an elephant could be quiet, could be light on his feet and yet...And yet Tiny didn’t make a sound as he got down from his cage, and without questioning anything further, he followed you and your son.

You couldn’t help but notice the other animals taking a sudden interest in what you were doing, a particular spark in their eyes. None of them made a sound, which meant something right ?

As you turned around to see if the elephant was following you, you could visibly see tears in his eyes and...it broke your heart even more, to know that those were tears of relief. Oh you were so glad you and Damian decided to do this. And as your son shoved his hand in yours and squeezed it, you knew he was getting pretty emotional too.

Fortunately, you didn’t meet any other circus’ employee and the way to the semi-truck was discreet. For real, no one seemed surprise in the least that Robin and someone all dressed in black were apparently stealing an elephant, and the few Gotham’s inhabitants you met just looked at you guys go, took some pictures, and went on their way. Nothing was really surprising anymore, in Gotham City...

You went back, and pondered which animals you should get next. You had to work fast, worried the guy on patrol would come back. And surely, he would notice missing animals...

You decided to go with the llamas and horses, and they followed without a sound, but the noise their hoof made on the ground. It was a miracle, really, that you didn’t attract anyone from the circus...But their trailers was a bit further (to avoid the smell of their mistreated animals probably).

Ok, over half the truck was filled already and...Tiny tried to shrunk himself in the back of the truck. Elephants. You loved elephants.

************

You went back to get all the “easy” animals, and none of them uttered a noise, as if they all understood what was going on. But here, you were faced with a dilemma, you still had the monkeys and the tigers and...Oh well actually they weren’t monkeys but apes. Chimps to be precise. And with them, you felt you weren’t gonna have any trouble, as they were patiently waiting in front of their cage’s door.

But the tigers ? Well, they were dangerous animals.

You decided to help the chimps out, and you’d figure something for the tigers later. But as you got the apes out of their cage, they went to the Tigers’ cage and pointed at the lock.

-I know guys, I know. We’ll get them out it’s just...

Damian’s words got cut off by one of the apes...signing ? Was he signing ? Like deaf or mute people ? Yes. He totally was. He was saying “friend” and “help” and you weren’t sure you were getting it.

One of the chimp roll his eyes, as if he was exasperated you weren’t getting them and...oh. It hit you and Damian both at the same time.

They wanted to help. With the tigers. And though you felt like you had lost your mind, listening to monkeys as you opened the cage of tigers and a lion...well, you did it anyway.

You and Damian held your breath as the tigers and the lion lazily walked out of their cage and...Oh. Oh ! The chimps. They were...Showing them the way ? They barely looked at you as they walked right past you and went to the semi-truck.

Oh ok. “Friend” “help”. They were indeed helping their new friends, you, saving their old friends, the tigers and the lion. And it was rather impressive. You already strongly believed in animals having a soul, but from now on, you would fight anyone who would say otherwise.

Animals clearly had a soul, and a heart.

And you were glad you decided to go vegetarian at the same time Damian did (you did it at first to support him, but now ? Now it was definitely for the animals).

You and your son, his hand tight in yours, just stared at the chimps guiding the tigers and lion, and didn’t notice the circus employee coming back...

-Hey ! What are you doing you two !?

It didn’t take you much though, to regain your senses, and to run after the chimps and felines. The circus employee started yelling, and more people were arriving. Ultimately, you knew that you and Damian could take them on but...Well, you couldn’t risk the police intervention or something, and so you ran to the truck.

Another proof that that Tiny was the smartest ever, as the last chimp went in the truck, he went and closed the trunk of the semi-truck with...Well, with his trunk.

You jumped on the driver’s seat, and Damian on the passengers, and drove away, loosing the circus’ people as you navigated expertly through Gotham’s streets. You knew the place by heart, they didn’t, and though their cars were faster, they quickly lost you...and their animals. Hopefully forever.

************

-...And that’s how we got all of them in here.

Bruce couldn’t believe his hears. Really. REALLY ?! What the hell were you guys thinking ?! He was about to burst when...

He got a glimpse of the tigers playing together in the garden, like young kittens.

He saw the lion sleeping on his back in the middle of the pond, with monkeys sitting on his belly and that seemed to converse with each others.

He saw the llamas and horses running around and...his gaze met Tiny’s.

And the elephant’s eyes were so full of feelings, of hope and gratefulness that...he couldn’t yell at his wife and son.

And he knew he had to help them finish the last part of their plan...With a sigh, he looked at you and said :

-So...What’s next ?

The kiss you gave him at that minute was worth all the trouble in the world. And when he pulled away from you and saw the elephant shielding your son’s eyes as so Damian couldn’t see you two kiss...Oh yes, he had to help that animal.

************

The news of Robin and a mysterious new vigilante stealing the circus’ animals made head page on every media in Gotham. And Bruce had to be resourceful to not raise any suspicions.

He generously paid foreigners that wouldn’t ask any questions to discreetly transports the animals to the airport, and then back to their home countries, in reserves where they would be safe...and free.

Damian was beyond happy, and the hug he gave his father made it all worth it, just like your kisses.

************

Twenty years later, Damian’s path would take him to Africa.

He knew “his” elephant was in the country he was in, and wanted to see if “Tiny” was any different...As he arrived at the reserve, he was greeted by the most wonderful surprised.

There were at least six elephants. One of the reserve caretaker said Tiny found a mate in the only other elephant they had, and made his own little family.

When Damian approached, but not too close as the caretaker told him the elephant was back as a wild animal, his eyes met Tiny’s and...Yes. Yes he definitely recognized him.

The wild animal rushed toward Damian and the caretaker, and your son stopped the caretaker from taking his tranquilizer shotgun...And he did right.

Tiny lifted his savior with his trunk and licked his face a few time. They both had grown taller, and now, Damian was able to reach further up and he stroked the elephant’s face.

The caretaker seemed stunned, and said :

-He...He recognized you !

-Of course he did. Elephants are some of the smartest animals in the world, and don’t we say that they have the best memory ever ?

Damian nuzzled Tiny’s giant face, and as the elephant put him down, met his “family”. This was definitely one of the best day he ever had.

Oh, oh he wished you were still alive to see all this...

___________________

I love elephants...Anyway, hope you liked my shitty attempt at writing something to calm myself, at least, it worked, I’m not as frustrated anymore. Oh god it’s bad, I wrote about elephants man...from the point of view of an elephant...

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loveanimalstory-blog · 4 years

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Chimpanzees Are Going Through a Tragic Loss

Imagine that an alien species landed on Earth and, through their mere presence, those aliens caused our art to fade, our music to homogenize, and our technological know-how to disappear. that's effectively what humans are doing to our closest relatives—chimpanzees. Back in 1999, a team of scientists led by Andrew Whiten (and including Jane Goodall) showed that chimpanzees from different parts of Africa behave very differently from each other. Some groups use sticks to extract honey, while others use those self-same tools to fish for ants. Some would get each other’s attention by rapping branches with their knuckles, while others did it by loudly ripping leaves with their teeth. The team identified 39 of those traditions that are practiced by some communities but not others—a pattern that, at the time, hadn’t been seen in any animal except humans. it had been evidence, the team said, that chimps have their own cultures. It took an extended time to convince skeptics that such cultures exist, but now we've many samples of animals learning local traditions from each other. Some orangutans blow raspberries at one another before they are going to bed. One dolphin learned to tail-walk from captive individuals and spread that trick to its own wild peers once released. Humpbacks and other whales have distinctive calls and songs in several seas. And chimps still stand out with “one of the foremost impressive cultural repertoires of nonhuman animals,” says Ammie Kalan, of the Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology. But just when many scientists have come to simply accept the existence of animal cultures, many of these cultures might vanish. Kalan and her colleagues have shown, through years of intensive fieldwork, that the very presence of humans has eroded the range of chimpanzee behavior. Where we flourish, their cultures shrivel. it's a bitterly ironic thing to find out on the 20th anniversary of Whiten’s classic study. “It’s amazing to think that just 60 years ago, we knew next to zilch of the behavior of our sister species within the wild,” Whiten says. “But now, even as we are truly going to know our primate cousins, the actions of humans are closing the window on all we've discovered.” “Sometimes within the rush to conserve the species, I feel we ditch the individuals,” says Cat Hobaiter, a primatologist at the University of St. Andrews. “Each population, each community, even each generation of chimpanzees is exclusive . an occasion might only have a little impact on the entire population of chimpanzees, but it's going to wipe out a whole community—an entire culture. regardless of what we do to revive habitat or support increase, we may never be ready to restore that culture.” Since 2010, Kalan has been performing on the Pan African Programme, an intensive effort to catalog chimp behavior in 46 sites across the species’ entire range, led by Hjalmar Kühl, Christophe Boesch, and Mimi Arandjelovic. At each site, the team checked whether chimps were completing any of 31 different behaviors, including many from Whiten’s original list, and a few that had only been recently discovered. “We had things like termite fishing, and fishing, algae fishing, stone-throwing, leaf clipping, using sticks as marrow picks, using caves, bathing, and nut-cracking,” Kalan says. After all this work, the team showed that chimps living in areas most suffering from humans were 88 percent less likely to point out anybody of the 31 behaviors than those living within the most unaffected regions. “However we divided the info, we got an equivalent very obvious pattern,” Kalan says. It’s hard to prove a negative, though, and it’s always possible that the chimps were up to their old tricks without the team noticing. But the Pan African Programme team filmed the apes using camera traps, to capture behavior without disturbing the animals. It checked surely traditions by trying to find discarded tools or checking for specific foods among the apes’ poop. And it scored the chimps generously: albeit it only saw a specific behavior once, it recorded the behavior as being present. If anything, the new results underestimate the extent to which humans suppress chimpanzee cultures. Such suppression isn’t deliberate. Chimpanzees and other apes learn skills and customs from each other, and people chains of tradition depend upon having enough individuals to find out from. So when humans kill chimps for bushmeat, they aren’t just killing individuals—they also are destroying opportunities for the survivors to find out new things. once they fragment the forests during which chimps live, they’re stopping the flow of ideas between populations. The primatologist Carel van Schaik wrote about these problems in 2002 after studying orangutans, and he predicted then that “major traditional erosion is to be expected altogether great apes.” “I realized that testing the hypothesis would be extremely difficult,” van Schaik says, but “thanks to the gargantuan efforts by this team, we have the primary data, and that they appear to totally confirm the model. It’s a really impressive study.” And it’s worrying, he adds, because many of those cultural behaviors aren’t arbitrary. They’re adaptations, and their loss could push an already species even closer to extinction. No one knows whether the hemorrhage of chimp culture is getting worse. Few places have tracked chimp behavior over long periods, and people that have also are more likely to possess protected their animals from human influence. And “not all human impacts are an equivalent,” cautions Hobaiter, the University of St. Andrews primatologist. Clearing forests for vegetable oil is extremely different from sustainably employing a forest as a food source. The Pan African Programme team clumped many indicators of human presence into one metric, but teasing them apart is vital. “Long-term conservation approaches are only getting to be effective through the support and leadership of the local communities who live there,” Hobaiter says. In some cases, the presence of individuals might create new traditions to exchange those on the team’s list. In Bossou, Guinea, chimps have started drinking the wine that's fermented on palm trees. In other areas, they’ve taken to raiding human crops. “If you’re getting tons of energy from high-nutrition human foods, you don’t need to spend half your day breaking nuts,” Kalan says. There’s certainly evidence that chimps can adapt to the presence of humans—but can they innovate quickly enough to catch up on the loss of their old ways? Even if they will, isn’t that also a tragedy? We care about the loss of our own cultures. We work to document languages that are going extinct. We store old art in museums. We establish heritage sites to guard our cultural and historical treasures. It seems shortsighted—unimaginative, even—to be so concerned with our own traditions, but so blasé about those of our closest cousins, especially when we’ve barely begun to appreciate how rich their cultural landscape is often. Parts of that landscape could be lost before anyone realizes why it exists. In 2016, the Pan African Programme team reported that some West African chimpanzees habitually throw stones against an equivalent tree, creating buildups of rocks that are like human cairns. nobody knows why they are doing this. “We’re still investigating it,” Kalan says. “And we'd be running out of your time .” Other animals also are likely losing their ancestral knowledge at our hands. When poachers kill an elephant matriarch, they also kill her memories of hidden water sources and anti-lion tactics, leaving her family during a more precarious place. When moose and bighorn were exterminated from parts of the U.S., their generations-old awareness of the simplest migration routes died with them. Relocated individuals, who were meant to replenish the once-lost populations, didn’t know where to travel, then did not migrate. These discoveries mean that conservationists got to believe saving species during a completely new way—by preserving animal traditions also as bodies and genes. “Instead of focusing only on the conservation of genetically based entities like species, we now got to also consider culturally-based entities,” says Whiten, who made an identical argument last week during a paper co-written with many scholars of animal cultures. Kalan and therefore the Pan African Programme team even think that conservationists should recognize places connected with unique traditions as chimpanzee cultural-heritage sites. “When we encounter a nut-cracking site that’s been used for several generations, that site is a component of the cultural heritage of this one population of chimps,” Kalan says. an equivalent concept might apply to orangutans, whales, and other cultured creatures. “What we've learned about culture also can be applied to how we conserve animals,” Whiten adds. When people raised endangered whooping cranes in captivity, that they had to point out the naive birds the way to migrate by hopping into ultralight aircraft and showing them the way. “Where animals are to be reintroduced to areas during which they earlier became extinct, we've to form special efforts to reinstate the cultural knowledge they lost,”

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xuxii-sushii · 7 years

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“I knew it!” [Part-1]

Genre: Drama, angst?, a bit fluff, smut.

Pairing: idol!Jungkook x Reader (ft. Yoongi and Taehyung)

A/N: This is the first chapter to this series. Feel free to drop in suggestions!

Warning: Swearing, sexual stuff.

Plot: You are a member of your school’s student council and a major event pops up in the midst of your last year of high school. Managing studies, extra curriculum activities, social life and now this extravagant pain in the ass. There is no way this could get worse. Or is there?

“She will never have to wonder her worth.” -Piece by piece, Kelly Clarkson.

Looking out the window, wondering about the hypothetical situation where you murder everyone, you couldn’t ignore the noise you hear everyday in your school bus.

“OH MY GOD! DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?!”, you scream at your friend Paige.

“C’mon, yesterday I was quiet!”, she cried.

“It was a rhetorical question, Paige. Just relax your jaw from this continuous yapping yeah?”

“Why are you so worked up today? Is it because of that Asia-something-something fest?”

“It’s the Asiatic mu- wait what? What about it?”, you said with your eyes ready to pop out.

“Didn’t you hear yesterday’s announcement? We’re one of the organizing schools this year.”, she said calmly without any hint of stress.

‘No no no no no. No. This isn’t happening. Oh the missed calls I got from my friends on the student council yesterday. Oh no. It all makes sense. I wasn’t present yesterday. Missed the assembly. Got bombarded with texts and calls without bothering to read them. I am screwed.’ You thought to yourself trying to understand this situation.

After the meeting with the teachers and the Principal, you were shook to your core. Last year of high school in Asia is the time where you either make or break your future. Asiatic music fest was a magnificent event you always wished about taking a part in. That was until last year when you had time. The tight schedule filled with academics, social life and most importantly, sleep, was now to be molded in a way which is going to make you very, very uncomfortable.

“I don’t want to do this!”, you say out loud to your friends Sam, Jo and Aria while you guys make your way back to your classroom, “This fucking sucks.”

Aria gives out a sigh followed by a smack on your head, “Stop whining Y/N. Your sleep of 10 hours isn’t that important, we all know this is a great opportunity that you won’t miss so shut it.”

You growl while trying to hit her back but got interrupted by your coordinator Ms. Cooper.

“One of the performers are coming today around 12:30 pm to get familiar with the new pattern we discussed for the fest. Get the whole directorial board ready in the zenith room at 12:20. Y/N and Sam, you both are the re-presenters that will be in charge today so everything carries out smoothly. Stay back is until 6. Am I clear?”

“Yes ma’am!” you girls respond in unison. ‘Ugh, what a pretentious bitch’, you think to yourself.

It’s 12:40 pm. ‘I could’ve done a physics topic in these 10 minutes’, you keep rambling to yourself. The door swings open with your Principal talking to who looks like the manager along with other staff. Followed by who you assume is the production team, you see 5 handsome guys walk in. All the girls and even some guys were staring at them like a full 4 course meal, including you and your friends.

You and Sam talked to the team and got to know that they are from Korea, which you suspected because of their accent. You glanced over to the members of Bangtan whose name you just got told and notice them mingling with your Principal. You both walk towards the guys to introduce yourselves. ‘They are so fun to talk to’, you think after having a brief yet engaging chat with the boys. You got to know that 2 of the members, Jungkook and Jimin, will be joining you guys tomorrow because they caught a late flight.

After you all were done hanging out with the guys, Sam was about to burst because of the inability of saying stuff about the members in front of the members.

“OKAY AM I THE ONLY CRUSHING ON THESE BOYS? DID YOU LOOK AT JIN? HOSEOK? TAEHYUNG? YOONGI? NAMJOON? I AM IN LOVE WITH NAMJOON. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED. IT’S DECIDED”, she starts spilling loudly in front of you and your friends.

“I call dibs on Jin”, says Jo with excitement I’ve never seen before. “Y/N did you see the looks Taehyung was shooting you all the time? He is so crushing on you!”

“I thought I was imagining things because of my hunger”, you say dryly while eating your sandwich.

“How are you calm, Y/N? You do realize that you have a shot with Taehyung?”, Jo said with extra emphasis on his name.

“I am freaking out on the inside but I don’t have the energy to fangirl like you guys right now”, you respond with a full mouth of the sandwich you’re devouring. ‘I have something else on my mind that I can devour’, you think to yourself while shaking your head because of these thoughts.

It’s 8:30 pm, you are sitting on your bed in your room allotted by the school in a dorm building nearby the stadium where the fest is going to happen. Your phone buzzes with a text message from unknown. “Taehyung this side, remember me? What are you doing right now? I need some help, can you come by our hotel?” You recall exchanging numbers with the team and members in case they needed some assistance.

“Sure. Be there in 15!” you respond.

You’re at the reception area when you text Taehyung to inform him that you’re here. You see him exiting the elevator in less than 2 minutes after you sent the text. He greets you with a warm yet a bit sinful smile.

“Thanks for coming Y/N!” he says while walking towards you.

“No problem Taehyung. What’s up? Is everything alright?”, you ask with genuine concern.

He takes a deep breath to let out a dramatic sigh, “The coffee here sucks. Can you take me somewhere with good coffee?”, he says with a cheeky smile.

“Is this your way of asking me out?”, you say while holding back a laugh.

“You’re smart.”

“A chimp could figure that out.”

“Just let me hit on you”, he smirks with a hint of plead in his words.

“Taehyung, I don’t date. These things are senseless to me. I’m glad that you asked me but I don’t want to give you any false signals”, you say casually.

He gives you a big smile and says, “Still up for coffee?”

He flirted with you whole time while his hand casually slid to the back of your waist occasionally. He walked you back to your dorm room when suddenly you felt a force put you against the wall which turned out to be Taehyung who was now a few centimeters from your face.

“This doesn’t come under dating, does it?”, he says with a firm gaze on your eyes which then traveled to your lips.

‘Technically, it doesn’t. I mean I’ve slept with a few guys and all of them were aware about the mutual agreement of not involving feelings. Also, Taehyung is hot as fuck. His face is carved perfectly with such exquisite details. I can’t possibly deny him. I mean just look at him!’ you wonder while looking at his pink lips.

“Y/N?”, he says in a low voice waiting for an answer. Without saying anything you dive in for a kiss which starts out slow and steady giving you both time to develop a rhythm. The kiss gradually got more passionate when you wrapped your arms around his neck and he had a tight grip on your waist. The kiss was filled with more hunger than romance. Your hands traveled to his soft hair while his hands went up and down your waist with gradual squeezes on your thighs. You both started to let out small moans in the kiss which made you realize it was better if you took this inside your room. You turn the doorknob while half kissing Taehyung just to double check the room number.

The door was shut close immediately and you both resume the kiss with even more passion.

“I-I- thought you were out getting tacos for our group study like you said” someone says bringing you both back to reality which puts a halt to your worked up kissing.

Jo and Aria are settled on the bed in their PJs with books piled up in front of them.

“Ah shit. I, um, got carried away”, you say while looking at the equally flustered boy next to you.

Taehyung went back to his hotel after giving you a kiss and saying, “We’ll continue this later” in the deepest voice you’ve ever heard which sent shivers down your spine.

During the group study you got the occasional taunts for forgetting the tacos with some winks and the ‘girl you in for a wild ride’ smile. You also got to know that Sam was out with Namjoon that night. You fought the strong urge to click a picture with the ‘girl you in for a wild ride’ smile and send it to Sam.

The next morning at 7:00 am you reached school to collect the schedules for the listed practices which you had to take care of. While walking through the corridors with eyes fixed on the the schedule, you bumped into someone and the next thing you saw were the papers in the air.

Normally a person would think that oh this guy and I bumped into each other. Now he is going to help me out and it’ll be love at first sight.

You were far from normal.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” you yelled at the perfect figure of a man in front of you while collecting the papers.

“It was an accident”, you heard the figure say.

“Yeah. I know”, you say without trying to hide your annoyance.

“You don’t have to be a bitch about it”, he responds.

Oh no he didn’t.

“I woke up at 5-fucking-am with barely any sleep to come to this shit hole to exhaust myself to death! I can be a bitch all I want”, you snap back while looking up to see his face for the first time and standing up to be on the same level as him.

‘Wow. He is beautiful’, you say to yourself.

“Calm down little Satan.”

“I’m almost your height. How am I little?”

“Hey what’s that on your shirt?”, he says while pointing to your shirt and you look down to see what it is just to be poked on the head with him walking away at a fast pace and screaming, “I’m Jungkook!”

“Did I ask?!”, you say while trying to understand how could you fall for such a lame trick.

PART 2 PART 3

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #taehyung smut #yoongi smut #jimin smut #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts sexy #bts series #bangtan #bangtan boys #jeongguk #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook hot #bts hot

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doomedandstoned · 7 years

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THE GREAT BIG SLOMATICS INTERVIEW

~By Svempa Alveving~ Photos by Gerry Dollso (studio) and Paul Verhagen (live)

Would ya believe that in all these years, we've never had a chance to do a one-on-one with Slomatics? With the Belfast band making a key appearance in the States this year at Psycho Las Vegas, we figured it was high time to change that. Guitarist David Majury was kind enough to oblige our questions. (Billy)

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To start, we'd love to hear your telling of the Slomatics origin story.

The band has been together for 13 years now, which is sort of hard to believe. We formed out of the ashes of a previous band called The Naut in 2004, which all three of us had played in. The bassist of that band became our original drummer, but Marty replaced him in 2012 so it feels like things went full circle. We’ve all done a lot of other bands. Marty and I played in a garage band called The Favourites and a stoner band called Cosmonaut, and Marty played in a whole range of stuff for years from old school hardcore to psych collectives. Chris and I have played in various bands together for around 17 years now.

As for Slomatics, we formed, released two albums, some splits, and seven inches, and toured Ireland and the UK, all being pretty low-key DIY. We then recorded our split with Conan and the previous drummer quit, both of which led us to move things on pretty quickly. With Marty in the band, all restrictions of the previous line-up were removed and in the last five years we’ve released three albums, a seven inch, a digital EP, a soundtrack song, and have studio time booked for our next release. We’ve started travelling a lot more, even though we don’t tour, and have played Desertfest and Roadburn in the last year or so.

What's at the core of your musical inspiration?

I think that inspiration is often confused with music people enjoy. For example, I listen to PJ Harvey a lot, but I’m never going to really try and write music to sound like her. For us, it’s been more a case of having a certain sound we gravitate towards, but without a specific reference point. I mean, we’re not claiming to be any sort of genre-defying thing, we play heavy, fuzzy rock music, so of course we take something from Sabbath and the Melvins, but I wouldn’t say those bands influence us specifically.

I get most of my inspiration from bands we play with, so seeing Bismuth recently made me think about layers in our sound, or Wild Rocket made me thing about their use of effects, and then I’ll try to interpret those experiences our own way. One band does really stand out though. In our early days, we played a few shows with a band called Like a Kind of Matador who were from Leeds, England. They had such an unusual approach to song structure and guitar playing/tones, which really stuck with me. They’d no bassist, either, which appealed to me, too, and helped me realize that it’s only convention which dictates a band’s line-up. We don’t sound anything like them, but just seeing a band do things their own way with no thought for how they’d be perceived certainly made us want to do the same.

If we were to take peek at your playlist these days, what would we be listening to?

I’ll give you the last five records I’ve bought:

Part Chimp – 'IV' (2017). Their last record was maybe eight years ago and they’d been on hiatus for years, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this really is their best album yet. Monstrously heavy and sounding completely epic, they out-heavy just about anyone else making guitar music today. Incredible band.

Soundcarriers – 'Entropicalia' (2014). A friend turned me on to this record, and it’s definitely not a doom album. It combines '60s French pop like Serge Gainsbourg with a sort of Can-esque drumming and weirdness, like the soundtrack to some lost arthouse movie.

Hornets – 'Witch Hunt' (2017). Raging hardcore from Belfast! These guys embody what I think of as hardcore, rather than the sort of awful metalcore stuff that passes itself off as hardcore these days. They’ve a real doomy edge, too, which adds a really creepy feel to their sound, and are one of those bands who can make negativity and anger somehow sound uplifting. We’ve played a lot of shows with them and they’re so intense live. Great band.

Documenta – 'Drone Pop #1' (2015). I’m flying the flag for local music here. These guys have been around for a while, but I only really heard them last year and this record has barely left my turntable since. I’ve no idea how to categorize this record. It’s really cinematic, with just amazing textures and guitar sounds, beautifully produced and really moving.

Holly Hunt – 'The Wait/Bowling Green' (2017). This is the most recent 12” from this two-piece. I was a fan of their first album and through nerdy guitar stuff online I hooked up with them, leading to us releasing a split 7" a couple of years back. They’re absolutely amazing, again, hard to categorize, but if you’ve any interest at all in heavy guitar sounds then this will appeal to you. Their sound, a bit like Part Chimp, is almost overwhelmingly huge.

Let's switch gears now and talk about your own discography. How do you feel about your output to date and do you see a progression, musically?

I suppose I feel proud of it all, just because I know how difficult it is for bands at our level to create any kind of longevity. There’s no monetary reward and for the first few years it’s generally playing to small crowds. I think a lot of great bands just fizzle out, which is always a shame. My friend has a theory that in every town of a certain size there will be at least one amazing band, but that they won’t ever really be heard outside of that town or their own basement. I’ve certainly seen those bands here in Belfast and it’s easy to see why some things don’t last. I feel good that Chris and I kept going, kept being excited about playing music together, and maintained a reasonable prolific output, which in a way is just a reflection of our friendship.

Each record represents where we were at that time, really, so although the early stuff -- and all the stuff with the previous line-up, to be honest -- feels like a different band, I’m still reminded of how much we enjoyed things at the time. That being said, once Marty joined the band it felt like we’d really opened the door to being able to do all the stuff we’d always wanted to, and the records we’ve done with this line-up are something I feel really proud of.

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We practice in a lock-up in an industrial estate here in Belfast. It’s certainly not glamorous or "pro" in any way, and yet there are three great looking records that folk around the world have thought enough of to spend money on. Holding a copy of one of those records in my hands is a very satisfying thing, I’ll not deny it, and I’m sure anyone who releases a record feels the same way. That really blows my mind and it’s a great feeling.

As for progression, that’s the aim. I suppose it’s up to the listener to decide if we’ve achieved it or not. We’ve never deliberately tried to reinvent ourselves, but it felt like we took a leap forward once Marty joined and that each release since has been closer to the sounds in our heads. On the last record, I think we were fairly happy that it sounded like we’d hoped it would and that the songs has the light and shade we’d aimed for. It's maybe the record where we felt we’d included all the things we’d tried out on the previous two, but hopefully in a more fully realized way.

What's the Slomatics approach to writing and recording new material?

It’s different every time, really. I think we all have a sort of unspoken role in the band, and we try to work together to our strengths. I write most of the riffs, which are the initial ideas. Often, I sit at home with my iPhone recording wee 20 second segments and building up a load of ideas. Most come to nothing, of course, and probably 70% of them are just me messing about with delay pedals or weird noises. I’ll bring them to the practice room and if the others think there’s something worth working on, then we’ll jam it out and think about dynamics.

Marty often interprets my ideas completely differently to how I envisaged them, which is always a cool moment as the song takes on a more collaborative form. A lot of the last record was written that way. Chris is always a good sounding board for what makes the studio. He’ll always try moving riffs about before dismissing anything, so he’s a great barometer to have. And unlike me, he’s a really technically proficient player, so he’ll have ideas about where chords and things fit in. It really is different every time, though. The last record was basically written by me and Marty, but of the three new songs we’ll record in November, one is fully collaborative with all three of us writing riffs, one is all Marty, and the third is all me. It just depends who has ideas at a given time.

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Recording has changed a little through time. We used a great studio called Start Together here in Belfast for 'A Hocht' (2012) and 'Estron' (2014), but then switched to Skyhammer for the Holly Hunt split (2014) and 'Future Echo Returns' (2016). This was mainly as we’re now on Black Bow Records, but also because the studio is so amazing. Chris Fielding from Conan is the engineer at Skyhammer and he has such an amazing ear for heavy sounds. We loved the production he’d done on the Throne and Conan records, so it was a very easy decision to go to his studio. It’s stress free, as Chris is really easy to be around, and we trust his mixing completely. There are very few tweaks ever done. We’ll record the next record in November there, too.

What's most important when writing a new song: the lyrical concept or those musical ideas you referred to?

It always starts with the music. If the riff isn’t there, then there’s no skeleton to hang the song on. We usually write all the music first and then Marty goes away and writes all the lyrics and melody, although recently he’s started writing sections as we go along. He really does spend a lot of time and effort with the lyrics and it’s not like they’re an afterthought. We’ll often change the structure to create space for where the lyrics will fit, even before they’re written.

Do you plan on booking some shows outside Ireland?

Actually, we play more shows outside of Ireland than we do at home these days. We don’t tour due to work and family commitments, so most of our shows will involve flying into somewhere, playing a show or two, and then flying home. It’s frustrating in some ways, as we end up turning down shows that we know would be amazing, but we all accept that it’s just how it is. It’s not that we don’t love playing Ireland, either, but for a band like ours playing a couple of shows a year is enough, as Belfast is pretty small and folk would get tired of us if we played every weekend. I think I might get tired of it, too! In the last year, we’ve played England a few times, Scotland, the Hostsabbat Fest in Norway, and of course Roadburn, and we’ll be in Las Vegas in August before returning to England in September. We’d love to play away more often, though. There are places like Germany and Sweden we’d love to play. Hopefully in 2018!

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You are playing Psycho Las Vegas this August. I believe Billy Goate recommended you to the organizer, who asked for his top picks. How will you prepare for that event? What other bands are you hoping to get to see?

Yeah we are! It's a bit of a mind-blower, to be honest. We couldn't believe it when we were asked. I replied to the organizers that we live in Ireland and don't tour, but they were super cool and keen to have us over. Our mates in Conan and Tombstones have played it before, so we knew a bit about the fest. It's like a who's who of the heavy-alternative scene. It should be a real blast, seems like a really well organized set up with an insane lineup.

As for getting prepared, the main thing was sorting out equipment, which is all organized now. Beyond that, it's literally turn up and play! We'll probably do something special with Jon from Conan, too.

As for who I'm excited about seeing, all the usual suspects like Sleep, Neurosis, The Melvins, and Corrosion of Conformity. I'm sure they'll be amazing, as always, but I'm really stoked about seeing stuff I've not seen before, like the Brian Jonestown Massacre and a band from Sweden called Domkraft, who I really love. There's so much: obviously Conan, but the likes of Chelsea Wolfe, Psychic TV, Wizard Rifle, and Murder City Devils will be on my list, too. Hopefully I'll see as much as possible.

Tell me more about the local scene in Ireland.

Honestly, that’s a whole separate interview in itself. Ireland has always had an amazing history of local music, but I’d say that right now things are better than ever. There’s a pile of doomy stuff going on, with some really great bands like Nomadic Rituals and 7.5 Tonnes of Beard putting out cool music, but the most interesting stuff tends to be at the edges of different scenes. Bands like Maw, Hornets, Documenta, The Bonnevilles, Los Reyes, Junk Drawer, Bosco Ramos, New Pagans, Gnarkats, Hiva Oa, Beauty Sleep, Venus Sleeps, Wild Rocket, Horse, No Spill Blood, Robocobra Quartet -- honestly the list is so long.

There are a couple of really great venues like Voodoo and the Black Box, too, run by cool supportive people and with excellent PAs and crew. The scene is generally well supported; we’ve not played to an empty room for years now. There’re some great promoters bringing bigger names through town and putting local bands on bills, which is great, and we’ve a world class studio here, as I mentioned, called Start Together.

For a few years, I noticed that all the best local bands were older folk who’d been around for years, but in the last couple of years there’s been a real run of young bands playing really exciting new music, which is amazing to see, even if it does make me feel old! I suppose my only criticism would be that there could be more crossover between scenes and in the arts, in general, but then that’s true of most towns.

Any cool bands overall that I should check out?

My top three:

Maw. A two-piece who blend ultra-heavy riffs with amazing melodies that somehow remind me of Pavement and the Melvins simultaneously. They use a weird set-up of hand built amps and pedals, too, so my inner geek finds them very satisfying.

RoboCobra Quartet. Again, nearly impossible to put in any specific genre. They sound a bit like if Henry Rollins or maybe Steve Albini did a jazz record. Heavy as anything, but with saxophone and no fuzz boxes.

Documenta. I know I’ve already mentioned this record, but it’s really worth a listen, if you’re a fan of cinematic, hazy textured guitar stuff. In particular, their album Drone Pop #1. Not heavy at all, but with some really creepy interludes. It has that ability to transport me away when I listen to it. It’s just a masterpiece.

If you were headlining a festival and you have the opportunity to choose the bands, who would you choose?

In reality, I’d stick loads of local bands on there, but I think I’ve banged on about that enough, so I’ll go international with this one:

Pink Floyd. The 'Live at Pompeii' (1972) era. When we started the band, both Chris and I were really obsessed with that DVD, so in the dream world we’d transport them through time and put the festival in an Italian amphitheater.

Part Chimp. To this day they’re still the loudest band I’ve ever seen and I think they’d set the standard for colossal riffs at any festival.

Mudhoney. Being of a certain age, I was a big fan of early '90s fuzz rock. I saw Mudhoney last year and they were even better than when I saw them in '92, so they’d get a spot in my festival line-up, for sure.

Brothers of the Sonic Cloth. Because it’s Tad Doyle, no other reason required!

Monoliths. They’re a three-piece with folk from Ommadon and Bismuth, both insanely heavy bands, and the marriage of the two is just as good as I’d hoped, with huge, looping, meditative riffs. I’d like something to trance out to at the fest, so these guys would do that nicely. Plus, they use about 100 amps live, so the stage would look really cool between all that and Floyd’s gong.

Conan: Yes, they’re old mates of ours so hanging out would enhance my festival experience, but also because they’re just so good. Their wall of Green amps never ceases to impress, either.

I’m old, so I’ll keep this festival line-up to a one-day affair, as I’d be too wrecked for a second day. Between Monoliths, Part Chimp, Conan, and Brothers of the Sonic Cloth, my eardrums would need a rest, so I’ll go for John Carpenter. I think his stuff is really amazing, and if he played the ‘Lost Themes’ (2015) material I’d be able to relax nicely, maybe in one of those collapsible camping chairs with the drink holder. I can’t imagine much better.

Last of all, I've always been curious about the meaning of songs like "Estronomicon," "In The Grip of Fausto," and "Into The Eternal" off of the latest album, 'Future Echo Returns' (2016).

We get asked about the meanings of specific songs quite a bit and I always feel like I’m ducking the question a little when I answer. The reason is that we don’t like to spell the songs out for the listener. We’d prefer people take their own meaning or interpretation of the song. I know that sounds pretentious, but when I listen to music I like to be transported somewhere by it and that experience may be the same for everyone else or perhaps it’s totally different. I like to believe that the latter is the case and that what might be transcendental for one person could be really superficial for another -- both are fine.

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The aim of our music is to be whatever people want to take from it. All that being said, yes, there is a narrative to the album, which follows on from and concludes the story of the previous two records. We’d always intended these to be a trilogy with a beginning and an end. This album hopefully feels like a conclusion. We tried to sequence the songs to create a sense of being on a journey with a certain pace and feel. We do have a clear story to the record, but as I said, it’s up to you to decide what that might be. We try to leave song titles and lyrics open to interpretation. Hopefully some folk pick up on that, but at the same time if anyone just wants to stick on a record and crack open a beer hopefully it works on that level, too. Maybe the next record will be more straightforward and we’ll have a song called "Viking Skulls," which is actually about the skulls of Vikings -- you never know.

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mbtizone · 7 years

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Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls): ENFP

Dominant Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: Lorelai is all ideas and possibilities, all of the time. Most of what comes out of her mouth is speculation and fun. It’s not necessary for anything she says to be rooted in reality. Lorelai is extremely good at making connections, which allows her to come up with an endless amount of pop culture references in her witty, quirky sense of humor. She talks fast, leaping from one thought to the next, and, for those with lower Ne (or none at all) can sometimes have a difficult time keeping up with her. Lorelai is a free spirit and doesn’t like to make decisions or commit to things. She prefers to keep her options open for as long as she can and has a tendency to procrastinate. She can come up with a hundred different ways for something to go (whether positive or negative). These possibilities tend to range from highly unlikely to completely impossible because of her incredibly active imagination. Lorelai tends to be scatter-brained and rootless, which irritates her conservative, uptight parents. She can make even the most serious situations humorous with her gift for sarcasm, which usually comes across as charming, but can sometimes land her into trouble. Lorelai is comfortable with the unfamiliar and enjoys experiencing new things. She enjoys conspiracy theories and doesn’t need something to be proven to believe it.

Auxiliary Introverted Feeling [Fi]: Because Lorelai’s values are completely different than the ones she grew up with, she rebelled… hard. She takes pleasure in doing things differently than her mother does. Lorelai is fiercely independent. She doesn’t want to rely on anyone and has a difficult time asking for help when she needs it (especially when her parents are the ones she needs something from). When she was in labor, she simply left her parents a note and drove herself to the hospital (despite not even having a driver’s license). She’s true to herself, no matter what, and doesn’t censor herself for anyone. Lorelai hates to feel like she’s being controlled. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, and can be quite stubborn and unforgiving if someone violates her moral code. She tends to judge people harshly if they make a decision that she is opposed to and can sometimes have trouble seeing things from other people’s perspectives. When Rory begins seeing Dean again while he’s married, Lorelai is extremely disapproving and cold towards Rory about it. She is guarded with her emotions and doesn’t usually like to talk about them. She’ll usually cover them up with humor, or by throwing herself into other things to keep her mind occupied. Lorelai forges her own path in life and doesn’t let anyone tell her how she should live it.

Tertiary Extroverted Thinking [Te]: Although she can be flighty, Lorelai has a head for business. If she sets her mind to something, she becomes sharply focused on achieving it. When Lorelai confronts someone, she allows her Te to shine and doesn’t hold back. She’ll say exactly what she’s thinking and she won’t hold back. Lorelai can be skilled at thinking on her feet and coming up with plans when things go awry. Though, the plans she usually comes up with have a certain Ne-creativity to them (such as when the inn catches fire and Lorelai has to find rooms for all of her guests). When she’s at work, she is comfortable being the boss and telling people what to do, though she typically does so in a light-hearted manner, unless she’s stressed, angry, or upset.

Inferior Introverted Sensing [Si]: Lorelai may mock some traditions and prefer to do things her way most of the time, but she enjoys her own, personal traditions (as opposed to the ones forced on her by society). One of the routines that she loves is her regular movie and takeout nights with Rory (where they typically watch old movies that they’ve seen many times before). She tells Rory the story of her birth every year on her birthday, with signature Lorelai dramatic flair. She becomes extremely distressed over not being able to have the apple tarts that are served every year at Richard and Emily’s Christmas party. Sometimes, she can have a hard time letting go of relationships and can be rather nostalgic and sentimental on occasion (such as her feelings about the doll house from her childhood). She berates Luke for taking the Monte Cristo sandwich off the menu, even though she’d never actually order it. It was just comforting to know it was there. When she and Luke decide to get a place of their own, she is unable to part with her house and they decide to just renovate her house instead of moving. When Lorelai and Rory are on the outs, Lorelai is upset that they won’t get to do all of the things they planned to do for Rory’s 21st birthday, and she remembers each aspect of their plan vividly. However, in most cases, Lorelai doesn’t like to get hung up on details and tends to be more of a big-picture thinker.

Enneagram: 7w6 Sx/So (Tritype: Possibly 748)

Quotes:

Rory: Sounds like you’re over thinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper. Lorelai: I tried that, I thought, “I’ll just sit down and write whatever comes – no judgment, no inner critic.” Boy was that a bad idea. Rory: Really? Why? Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. “I’m writing a letter, I can’t write a letter, why can’t I write a letter? I’m wearing a green dress, I wish I was wearing my blue dress, my blue dress is at the cleaner’s. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue, ‘Casablanca’ is such a good movie. Casablanca, the White House, Bush. Why don’t I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard. Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!” Rory: Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants?

Lorelai: Lorelai Gilmore: disappointing mothers since 1968.

Luke: Just order, please. Lane: Did you take off the Monte Cristo sandwich? Luke: Well, I , uh… Rory: No! Lorelai: You did. You took off the Monte Cristo sandwich. Luke: I ommitted a few obsolete dishes. Lorelai: I can’t believe Nicole made you take off the Monte Cristo. She’s got you menu-whipped. Luke: She does not have me menu-whipped. I took off a disgusting ridiculous sandwich that no one has ever ordered, including the three of you. Rory: But just having it there made us feel like we always could. Lorelai: It was comforting. Rory: Like soup. Lorelai: Exactly. It was comforting like deep-fried ham and cheese soup. Rory: And even though I never ordered it, I talked about ordering it. Haven’t I? Lane: On several occasions. Lorelai: So you’ve not only eliminated a sandwich, you’ve eliminated a conversation peice. Rory: Now what will we talk about? Luke: Fine. Here- old menus- everything’s there. Knock yourselves out. Lorelai: …How come everybody else gets a new menu? [Luke walks away] Lorelai: I feel much better now.

Emily:: It’s going to be fabulous. Isn’t it, Lorelai? Lorelai: Ab fab, sweetie darling. Emily:: Isn’t she hilarious? I never have any idea what she’s talking about, but she’s so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn’t she like a chimp, Gypsy? Gypsy: Please make your mother stop talking to me. Lorelai: If only I had that power.

Lorelai: [Outside her parents house] Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house ’cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartford… shire… ville. “Maids go in, but they never come out,” they would whisper on the street. [to Rory] Lorelai: How are we doing? Rory: Keep going. Lorelai: One day, a beautiful young cowherderess walked by the house. Rory: Cowherderess? Lorelai: Hey, we could just go in, you know? Rory: Cowherderess is walking by. Lorelai: And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch. So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and [to Rory again] Lorelai: okay, seriously, this didn’t work when you were 4. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now.

Lorelai: I hate when I’m an idiot and don’t know it. I like to be aware of my idiocy, to really revel in it, take pictures. I feel we’ve missed a prime Christmas card opportunity.

Emily: You took that girl and completely shut us out of your life. Lorelai: You wanted to control me. Emily: You were still a child. Lorelai: I stopped being a child the minute the strip turned pink, okay? I had to figure out how to live. I found a good job. Emily: As a maid. With all your brains and talent. Lorelai: I worked my way up. I run the place now. I built a life on my own with no help from anyone. Emily: Yes, and think of where you would have been if you’d accepted a little help, hmm? And where Rory would have been. But no, you were always too proud to accept anything from anyone. Lorelai: Well, I wasn’t too proud to come here to you two begging for money for my kid’s school, was I? Emily: No, you certainly weren’t. But you’re too proud to let her know where you got it from, aren’t you? Well, fine, you have your precious pride and I have my weekly dinners. Isn’t that nice? We both win.

Lorelai: Cold, cold, cold, cold, icy feet. Stupid, frozen tundra house. Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer. Ok, here is the question for today kids: what the hell are the Eskimos thinking? I mean yes, the hoods are cute but it’s always cold, always! Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast, and you have to eat whales, and polar bears, and penguins and Santa Claus. Coffee’s on and Pop-Tarts are poptarting! If you’re just gonna lie there I’m just gonna have to sit here. I’m gonna have to make myself very comfortable on my nice warm Rory! Rory: Why is it so cold in here? Lorelai: Ahh! Rory: Ahh! Lorelai: But I was sitting on you! Rory: Oh, really, good trick. Lorelai: But if you were there, then who’s this? Rory: I don’t know. Lorelai: We’ve got a stranger in our house. Rory: Robert Downey Jr.? Lorelai: Or a murderer. Rory: Who needed a nap before committing his crimes?

Lorelai: What’s that? Sookie St. James: That is a vat of boiling oil. Lorelai: Really? Where’s Quasimodo? Sookie St. James: This is not a joking matter. Rory: What is the oil for? Lorelai: For pouring on Visigoths. Sookie St. James: Lorelai. Lorelai: When else am I gonna get to use my Visigoth material?

Lorelai: Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would’ve made Liberace say ‘Whoa. Step back. No one’s that gay.’

Lorelai: We’re not gonna have this fight in a flowery bedroom with dentists singing “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” in the background. It’s too David Lynch!

Lorelai: You don’t take off without telling Mommy! Rory: I love that I didn’t have to clear it with you to go on spring break but I had to clear it with you to come home. Lorelai: I had visions of you being swallowed by a whale, or taking off with some surfers to go chase the perfect wave and not inviting me.

Emily: I am reduced to calling you and asking are you coming? Lorelai: Uh-huh. Emily: Is that “uh-hu, yes I’m coming” or “uh-huh, I was reading while you were talking”? Lorelai: [throwing things at Luke] Tell you what, Mom. Plan on me coming, and if I don’t then it’ll just be more for everyone else. Emily: Lorelai, you know very well our dinners do not work like that. There is careful planning and shopping and preperation that goes into every meal no matter how boring or simple it may seem to you. Lorelai: Mom… [throws half a burger at Luke] Luke: Hey, what… [Lorelai smiles] Luke: Get off that phone! Lorelai: Oh, shoot, Mom. There’s no cell phones in here. I’ll call you back later. Bye. [hangs up/to Luke] Lorelai: And when I need you. Nowhere.

Lorelai: [Emily is reminding Lorelai of her DAR meeting on Tuesday ] It’s burned into my brain, it’s there forever. When I’m senile and gaga and drooling into a cup… and I can’t remember my name, I will still remember that your DAR meeting was on that Tuesday. I’m going to have to be deprogrammed by cult deprogrammers to get that Tuesday out of my brain.

Lorelai: You’ve been stomping around, barking at people for days. Luke: I have not. Lorelai: Yes, Cujo, you have. Luke: I always talk to people like that. Lorelai: No, Benji, you don’t. Luke: I’ll be fine tomorrow. Lorelai: Really, Lassie? Why is that?

Lorelai: [about Rory’s 21st birthday] We had plans. Luke: What? Lorelai: We were gonna go to Atlantic City. We were gonna sit at a blackjack table at 11:59, we were gonna order martinis, and we were gonna be playing 21 when she turned twenty-one. And then hopefully we’d win, and we’d take our winnings and we’d buy 21 things. And then there was a thing about 21 guys that wouldn’t really be appropriate anymore since the engagement, but it was a good plan. She probably doesn’t even remember the plan. Luke: She remembers the plan. Lorelai: It wasn’t like we talked about it every day. It was just something we thought of. Luke: She remembers the plan.

Lorelai: [Explaining her Halloween plans] I want to do a skit. Luke: Skit? Lorelai: Yes, I want to be a mad scientist. I’m gonna come out in a blood-stained white lab coat and freaky makeup and big, giant, Don King kind of hairdo, and I’m going to turn the whole front yard into my laboratory. Luke: Wow. Lorelai: Yes, I’m gonna have a huge electric chair and an operating table and test tubes and wires. Luke: Sounds elaborate. Lorelai: But you haven’t heard the half of it, okay? And so I come out and I do mad scientist “banter”, like, “Hey, who here is from Bellevue?” and “‘Girl Interrupted’? Now that’s my idea of a feel-good movie”. I’ll work on it. But anyway, after that, I’m gonna drag you out. Luke: WHAT? Lorelai: You’re strapped in an electric chair, and I’m gonna throw the switch and totally electrocute you. And you’re flailing around. We’ll rig something where smoke and sparks shoot out of your nose. And then once you’re dead, I’ll throw you onto the operating table and I’ll cut you open, and I pull link sausages out of you and throw them into the crowd. Luke: That’s it? Lorelai: Well, I mean, we can take a bow or something, but, yeah, that’s it. Luke: Okay. Uh, just a couple of questions here. Once you’ve electrocuted me, and I’m dead, um, how exactly do I get to the operating table? Lorelai: Huh. Good question. Maybe I can position the operating table like right near the electric chair so I can just flop you over onto it after you die. Luke: Okay, let’s say we work that out. Now I’m on the table. You’re gonna cut me open with what? Lorelai: A big, rusty saw. Luke: And then you’re gonna pull link sausages out of me. Lorelai: Real slow and creepy like. Luke: Okay, great. Last question. Uh, what are the odds of you getting me to do a skit where you electrocute me, cut me open, and pull link sausages out of me? ‘Cause I’m thinking they’re right up there with Pia Zadora making a big comeback.

Lorelai: Uh, so let’s get back to the party recap. Any details you wanna tell Mommy? Rory: Jess and Dean got into the fight. Lorelai: Over you. Rory: I was a contributing factor. Lorelai: Was anyone hurt? Rory: No. Lorelai: And that’s why the cops came and broke up the party? Rory: Yes. Lorelai: So not only did you go to a cop-raided party, but you started the raid? Rory: Yes. Lorelai: This fence is broken because of you. This crap is on the ground because of you! Rory: What’s your point? Lorelai: [sings] Did you ever know that you’re my hero, You’re everything I wish I could be, If could fly higher than an eagle, You are the wind beneath my wings!

Emily:: Why didn’t she just say ‘yes’? Lorelai: I think she’s not sure if she wants to marry him, Mom. Emily:: That’s ridiculous! He’s a Huntzberger! An offer like this doesn’t come around every day. Lorelai: It’s a marriage proposal, not a sale on linens!

Luke: There is no fate. Lorelai: What do you mean there is no fate! Of course there is fate! Luke: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing, you cannot read a palm, tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis. And the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn. Lorelai: I totally knew you were gonna say that. Luke: I came over here, my fault. Lorelai: I read your mind! It spoke to me! We’re psychic! Luke: Enjoy the fries.

Luke: I mean you look distracted. Lorelai: Distracted? No, well, maybe, yeah, distracted, okay, sure, I’m very distracted. Luke: Anything I can do? Lorelai: You know there are very few times in my life when I find my self sitting around, thinking I wish I was married, but today… I… I’m happy, you know? I like my life, I like my friends, I like my… stuff. My time, my space, my TV. Luke: Sure. Lorelai: But every now and then, just for a moment I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make ME coffee in the morning. Meet the stupid sink before it gets shipped back to Canada! Luke: What happened? Lorelai: I just thought I had everything under control, but I didn’t and the inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever and I have it and it’s here and I’m failing and I can’t handle it, I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking and I thought I would have help but Sookie has Davey and Michel has Celine and I’m… I can’t do it all by myself! And I don’t even have time to see my kid anymore, hell forget see her, just even talk to her and I miss her. And I sat there in my parents’ house just listening to my grandma basically call me a charity case and I couldn’t even argue with her, I couldn’t even say anything, because I am, I’m running out of money! And I was going to ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight, that’s how pathetic I am.

Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls): ENFP was originally published on MBTI Zone

#Gilmore Girls #Lorelai Gilmore #ENFP #Type 7 #enneagram 7 #mbti #Sx/So #mbti types #mbti personality types #fictionalcharactermbti #fictionmbti #enneagram #enneagram type #enneatypes #tv mbti

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twh-news · 7 years

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When asked what fans can expect from the latest instalment of Thor, director Taika Waititi somewhat unhelpfully says it will be “Taika-esque”.

Asked if he could perhaps describe it in literally any other way, he laughs. “I can’t! There’s no way!”

As far as whetting the appetites of Marvel fanatics goes, it’s a little counterproductive. Thor: Ragnarok will be watched by many more people who are familiar with the franchise than those who know Waititi’s work – but this may be the film that makes the New Zealand director a household name.

The big-budget Thor is a far cry from the Flight of the Conchords, of which Waititi wrote and directed a few episodes, and from What We Do In The Shadows, the 2014 vampire mockumentary he made with Jemaine Clement. And it’s almost the antithesis of Hunt for the Wilderpeople: the family friendly little-Kiwi-film-that-could, which was a surprise hit at box offices around the world last year.

But while the types of projects may differ wildly, his treatment of them – the bit that makes them “Taika-esque” – doesn’t. Even Waititi’s government-funded anti-drug-driving campaign, Tinnyvision – made in collaboration with Snapchat in 2014 – has the same warm, sly humour of his features.

And yet, after 41 years’ experience of being “Taika-esque” himself, he still struggles to describe it.

“If someone asked, ‘What are your films like?’, the best I can come up with is that they’re, like, a fine balance between comedy and drama. And they deal mainly with the clumsiness of humanity.”

Well, that’s definitely true of Tinnyvision.

As evidenced by his decision to set Ragnarok outside the Marvel universe – a ballsy move, given the size of the fandom and budget in question – Waititi is one to do things his own way. And it’s paying off.

Hunt for the Wilderpeople reportedly made as much as US$23m worldwide (with takings of more than $8m in its home country) and spent some eight weeks in the top 10 at the Australian box office. It placed among the top 100 films of all time on Rotten Tomatoes, where it is 97% “certified fresh” from 171 reviews, and was the New York Times and LA Times’ critics’ pick, as well as Empire magazine’s film of the year.

“I knew it would play well with audiences, I just didn’t know if anybody would have any idea how to market it or sell it or get people in cinemas to see it ... It’s not like [New Zealand is] known for churning out really big blockbusters every year.”

At home, Waititi has gone from hit to bigger hit. His first feature film, the oddball romantic comedy Eagle vs Shark, was nominated for the grand jury prize at the Sundance film festival in 2007 – as was his second, Boy, in 2010.

He may not be quite as big a celebrity as his long-time collaborator Clement, with whom he won New Zealand’s top comedy award as the Humourbeasts in 1999, but he’s close. And when Hunt for the Wilderpeople became the highest-grossing local film at the New Zealand box office in May last year, it broke Boy’s record. (At the time, Waititi called it “the happiest and saddest day of my career”.)

In late February, Waititi was named the New Zealander of the year. I ask where the honour ranks in among nominations at the Academy Awards and Sundance and wins at festivals in Berlin, Edinburgh, Hawaii, Melbourne, Taipei, Toronto and Warsaw.

“It’s up there,” he answers. “There are a lot of nominations for things I never won and this is something I actually did win – it feels like I’ve followed through on this one.”

Waititi’s Academy Award nomination came in 2005 – before any of his feature films – for his 11-minute short Two Cars, One Night. He infamously pretended to be asleep during the ceremony.

That outsider’s mentality has persisted, despite the successes of the interim 12 years. The best picture fiasco of this year’s Academy Awards was “great”, he says. “I loved it. I thought it was hilarious ... They take this stuff so seriously, don’t they? It’s almost like launching a rocket into space.” Sam Neill: New Zealand cinema is 'like nothing else on the planet' Read more

Keeping a home far away from Hollywood has been grounding for Waititi; it’s hard to get caught up in all the glitz and self-importance from New Zealand, where he and his family are based. He has two daughters, aged four and one, and a stepson with his wife, the producer Chelsea Winstanley.

But another way to look at his geographical distance is as a buffer, or a safety net. You can always go home again – and why wouldn’t you, when you’re already a massive success there?

“Having had pretty much four successful films at home, I know there’s an audience for my work,” he says. “A lot of people are trying to get out of their home country and think ‘making it’ is if you’re able to work in another. For me ... I’d be quite content to keep doing my own little films down there for the rest of my filmmaking career.”

The New Zealand Film Commission will be glad to hear that, I say.

“That’s why I said it,” he replies.

That may all change, with Thor: Ragnarok set to be by far the biggest commercial success of his career to date. (Thor: The Dark World made $644m worldwide in November 2013.)

With Cate Blanchett, Jeff Goldblum and Wilderpeople star Sam Neill joining Chris Hemsworth and Mark Ruffalo, anticipation is high for the third instalment of the franchise – not least because Waititi, with his background in indie comedies, was such an unusual pick.

The day we speak, the first stills from the film have been released, with Blanchett, Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson in character on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

Social media is delighted with Goldblum’s turquoise eyeliner (“If the new Thor film is nothing but Goldblum sitting silently looking like this, then I will still see it six times,” says one tweeter) but mixed on Hemsworth’s short hair.

Waititi is unfazed: “Crazier things happen to Thor than new hair.”

His apparent lack of reverence for the Marvel universe – illustrated in part by the mockumentary-style teasers that have been released in the film’s lead-up – led Forbes to call Ragnarok the studio’s “wild card” for 2017; others have taken it as a vote of confidence in Waititi’s pitch.

“Why am I excited for Thor: Ragnarok?” wrote film critic Sarah Marrs. “Because Taika Waititi talked Marvel into overhauling an entire franchise, AND THEY LET HIM.”

Waititi says. “I’ve always felt that I wanted to make a Marvel film ... I just want to make sure I’m not making an episode.”

With the film due out in November, he will be based in Los Angeles until the end of the year. For the first time ever in his career, he has an office, he says. The challenge seems to be battling against his short attention span.

“With Thor, I’m trying not to do any other things. ... There’d be nothing worse than the film not being as good as I think it’s going to be because I didn’t spend enough time on it. I don’t want my focus pulled away, as it usually is.”

Still, he admits he’s starting to make plans for life after Ragnarok, considering which of four of his own scripts to tackle next – “something super-fast and a bit more carefree”. A werewolf spin-off of What We Do In The Shadows and the stop-motion animation Bubbles, about Michael Jackson’s pet chimp, are also on the cards.

Waititi likens his approach to filmmaking to a buffet. “I want to try every little every thing from either end. I don’t want to go straight to the chicken. I’ll put some grapes on the plate, a bit of gravy and mix it all up.”

But that analogy – the mixing of the grapes with the gravy – suggests an indiscriminate approach, when Waititi is picky about what projects he takes on – particularly when others’ ideas tend to interest him less than his own. Ragnarok was not the first big-budget Hollywood script he’d been sent, he says – it was simply the first he’d felt moved to take up.

Waiti wrote the first script of the Disney animation Moana before opting in 2012 to return to New Zealand to make What We Do In The Shadows. He’d just had a child. “I basically didn’t want to be living here, working in an office, writing someone else’s movie,” he says.

All that remains of his original script is “EXT: OCEAN – DAY”, he jokes. But the final product was “good”.

“I was relieved it was not insulting to Pacific cultures. That was a big worry for me. I was very nervous about it. You often ask yourself, ‘Oh my god, do I get involved with something like this?’”

Waititi is half-Māori himself and much of his work is steeped in New Zealand’s indigenous culture, celebrating that which makes it unique – particularly its humour – while not shying away from the challenges it faces. (His attention goes beyond simple representation: he said hiring Indigenous people to work on Thor was his “responsibility” as a filmmaker.)

Boy, set in a remote coastal village much like the one Waititi grew up in, revels in the comedy and joy to be found in the midst of poverty. He told NPR that part of its appeal was that it did not perpetuate stereotypes: “Indigenous people in films, it’s all like nose flutes and panpipes and, you know, people talking to ghosts ... which I hate.”

These considerations were front of mind when he was approach for Moana. “I thought, well, the best way of them not making something that’s insensitive or shallow was to involve people from that community, from the Pacific ... If there’s some way I could be at the table and help try and make this not a bad film, then I’ll try.”

His involvement ended with the first draft. “It wasn’t anything to do with the process, I just got b–”. He stops short of saying “bored” but not quite short enough. “Like I do all the time, I just ended up wanting to do my own thing again and make a vampire movie instead.”

Waititi’s script – focusing more on Moana’s family relationships – contributed an irreverent, “very Pacific humour” to the film, according to producer Osnat Shurer. Shurer also said it gave the filmmakers “permission to continue down that road, because he’s from that culture”.

Waititi thinks they could have taken it further. “I know the danger is they’ve got to be respectful but Pacific islanders and Polynesians have some of the least respectful humour on the planet,” he says, laughing.

“[But], as Americans making a film about another culture, and having been criticised in the past for their depictions of minorities, they have to be a bit safer.”

At least there’s a Polynesian Disney princess now, I offer? Waititi doesn’t sound convinced: “Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. I dunno. Haha! I dunno. Luckily, through the phone, you can’t see my face.”

Waititi is not good at censoring himself – or, at least, not fast enough. He often stops himself short as, I imagine, he pictures his words in print and what doors they might close for him. One he seems happy to shut himself is a future biopic, which he volunteers as “the worst type of movie”, committing the cardinal sin of being boring.

“They’re always subject to such scrutiny. Like ... ‘Oh, they really learned to play piano, they went around wearing blue suede shoes for the entire shoot’.

“I think, why is that interesting for an actor? Who cares?”

The way Waititi hates biopics, I note, is the way many people hate films like the Marvel movies: big blockbuster franchises built on sequels to sequels, held up as the antithesis of the small indie films he’s best known for back home. Is it possible for the two to coexist?

“So far they’re existing well for me,” he says. “I know that after this I’ll go back and do an independent film. Then I’ll hopefully come back and do another studio thing. I would kind of like to dwell between both worlds.”

#taika waititi #thor ragnarok

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the-blue-eyed-fallen-angel · 7 years

Text

Dame Tsuna Right? Chapter 2: Changement de statut Quo

Tsuna woke up with the certainty that he was going to get hurt.

He kept his eyes closed, and managed to play the hitch on his breathing as a particularly deep breath. Slowly letting it go, he concentrated on the Flames around him, immediately finding the muffled Sun that was coming closer.

Tsuna then remembered what happened yesterday.

The e-mail.

Kaa-san talking about a tutor.

Reborn shooting him.

The confrontation at the cafe.

“Ow!!”

“Rise and shine, Dame-Tsuna” said Reborn smugly as he waved Leon-hammer around. “A Mafia boss should be able to know his surroundings, even in sleep.”

Tsuna glared at him, rising and rubbing the bump Reborn had left. “Couldn’t you have woken me up with a glass of cold water, like normal people?” He said once he was seated.

Reborn scoffed. “A glass of water hardly conveys the gravity of sleeping through an attack.” he answered, letting Leon transform back.

Tsuna blinked twice at him, before snorting. He too a look at his alarm clock and boggled at the hour “Seven Forty-five?! I’M GONNA BE LATE!”

Tsuna jumped, his hair a flurry of motion behind him as he ran around, picking parts of his uniform from the chair, the floor and the closet, as well as socks and an underwear before locking himself in the bathroom, bursting out of it five minutes later showered and dressed, picking up his bag and shoving a bunch of books inside, and went down the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“GoodMorningmomsorryIgottagoloveyoubye!” he said without pausing for breathing, taking a sandwich and a bento box his mother was tending him, all with an indulging smile that widened as Tsunayoshi kissed her cheek.

Tsuna crossed the kitchen in two steps, and smoothly slid his feet inside his school shoes. Then, he threw open the door…

“Ah!”

...To find Kyoko on the other side of it, a fist lifted.

“Oh fu--!”

Tsuna threw himself to the right, his left leg tripping over his right, and the pavement going at a fast pace towards his face. He windmilled, trying to get a grip on anything...

“Tsu-kun!”

…Only for it to stop abruptly.

Tsuna sighed, once he was steady on his feet, and turned with a bright smile. “Thank you, Kyoko! That was close!”

Kyoko smiled sweetly. “It wasn’t a problem. Tsu-kun should really watch his step!” She said, using one hand to cover her smile.

Tsuna smiled, rubbing the back of his head. “I know. I’ll see that it doesn’t happen again.” Then he frowned, before startling a bit. “Hiieee!! Kyoko-chan! Why are you not at Namimori!?! We are going to be late!” He said, color draining from his face. Without thinking, he grabbed her hand and started towing her.

“But what about Reborn-chan?” She asked, looking at the house and then around them.

“Don’t worry about him, he’ll catch up. Now run!”

Yamamoto Takeshi tapped his shinai impatiently against his left shoulder. The morning was quiet in this part of town, and it always unnerved him a little. The shopping district was always moving, always noisy, and even after five years, he couldn’t shake the discomfort silence brought to him.

He looked down at his watch. 7:48. He looked down the street once more, hoping that a head of brown would appear, even if it was followed by a black smear.

But no, the street kept being stubbornly empty of Tsuna. Takeshi started running scenarios in his head, remembering the layout of the street, the kind of cars that were common, and the people who went around at this hour of the day. He hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary the whole time he had been there, but then again, he was just one person.

A rare frown appeared on his face, tapping his shinai once again. With the new tutor here, Hana had wanted as many people on Tsuna as possible, and to be completely honest, Takeshi could not see any problem with that, even if it meant skipping morning practice with his da.

Finally, Tsuna rounded the corner, along with Kyoko. He quickly swapped his frown for a smile, and waved at them. “Morning, Tsuna!”

Tsuna’s eyes were wide and wild as he set them on him, the alarm on them growing by a couple notches, and Takeshi felt his smile strain. Not wasting a second, he fell on step with them, sprinting to school.

“What’s going on, Tsuna? Is this one of Ryo-niisan training regimens?” He asked, playing up the oblivious tone of his voice. Tsuna looked back at him.

“Haven’t you seen the time? If we don’t hurry, we’re gonna be late! And Hibari-san would bite us to death!” He yelled over the sound of their footsteps.

Takeshi grinned. “Hibari-san wouldn’t do that!”

Tsuna turned back, glaring at him, and even though his cheeks were a very cute rose color, Takeshi felt a thin line of ice making it’s way down his spine.

“Just because Hibari-san is slightly more lenient with us now, it doesn’t mean we should be exempt from Nami’s rules!” He yelled back, before turning back and putting some extra speed on his steps, making Kyoko and him do the same or risk being left behind.

Takeshi took a look around, and almost frowned. He could not find the hitman, but he could definitely feel being observed.

The feeling persisted until they arrived at Nami-chuu at 7:58. The three students collapsed inside the building, panting and out of breath after running in 10 minutes a route that is usually at least 15. Tsuna took out a water bottle and took a gulp, handing it to Kyoko and Takeshi in turn.

“Well, that was close” Panted Tsuna out, climbing to his feet. The bell sounded, telling the students they had only five minutes to get to class.

The three of them went to their respective lockers, taking out the shoes and quickly changing into them, before doing a dash to the second floor.

They arrived just in time, before the second bell rang. Tsuna and Takeshi walked staggered to their seat, exchanging concerned looks when the usual jeers didn’t come in their direction, but the answer to that became apparent soon enough.

There was one single white lily on Tsuna’s desk, the ceramic vase filled to about the middle with water, accompanied by a small amount of offerings: a small bowl of rice with the chopsticks standing upright, an incense plate to the side, a small plate of oranges, strawberries and peaches, green tea, a card, and candles.

Tsunayoshi exhaled through clenched teeth, and picked up the card. As expected, it had condolences from their classmates, and even some teachers, about his recent death.

Takeshi put his shinai down, and grabbed the fruit plate, sniffing it carefully. “These are fresh, Tsuna. Do you want me to throw them away anyway?”

“Do it.” Snapped Tsuna. Takeshi nodded and grabbed both fruit and rice bowls, marching to the garbage can in front of the room, ignoring the giggles of their classmates. Tsunayoshi, meanwhile, blew out the candles and extinguished the incense on the green tea, before passing them to Takeshi to be thrown out.

Tsunayoshi turned back to the flower, hesitating. In the end, he took the lily out of the vase, handing that to Takeshi, before taking a notebook out of his bag and carefully putting the lily inside.

That done, he sat down heavily on his desk, sighing. He looked up, scanning the room, until he found Hanna’s desk. Even from his position three rows behind, Tsuna could see his friend shaking, glaring murder to a particular knot of students near the door, while Kyoko was huddled to her side, muttering soft words to her. She caught his eye and gave him a weak, tremulous smile, that he returned as best as he could.

“Well, looking at this on the bright side, we won’t have to worry too much about attention this week” Said Takeshi, dropping down on his desk. “You think Mochida could be behind this?.”

“Almost certainly.” Said Tsunayoshi, roaming the classroom with a lazy eye. “Would not have been too hard to convince, or ‘convince’, someone to do his dirty work for him.” He shrugged. “It’s fine-”

The crack coming from his side startled him. Tsuna glanced at Takeshi, who was staring at the broken pencil on his hands.

“Don’t” said Takeshi softly “say it’s fine.”

Tsuna sighed. “All right.”

Takeshi chuckled. “Wonder what your tutor would have to say about this?”

“THOSE BOYS WERE EXTREMELY OUT OF LINE!! They should be extremely punished!”

Tsuna sighed, catching the bento before it’s contents could spill over the floor. “Careful nii-san. Mama wants me to make sure you are eating your vegetables.” He said, pointedly pushing the half-full bento towards the athlete.

“Apologies!” He said, taking the bento back and digging into it with gusto. “But I still think they should be punish them!”

“I agree with the Ryohei.” Said Hana, taking a shrimp and eating it whole in a bite. “It’s annoying having dodge around all those monkeys and chimps.”

Tsuna huffed and looked up, basking on the clear blue sky and the chilly breeze. The quartet had left the classroom as soon as possible, and while people had tried to get Kyoko, Hana and Takeshi aside, Tsuna had strode impassively ahead. Following the pattern from the morning, no-one acknowledged his presence, but didn’t try to move out of his way either, making for rather awkward spots where Tsuna had body-checked some people to get through. It got easier once Ryohei met with them, most other students hurrying along to not get in the path of the older teenager, but also in fear that such disruption of the peace would summon Hibari.

Now, however, they were sitting on the roof of the building in a tight circle just behind the air conditioning unit on the roof. It was a pretty cozy spot, one of it’s walls being the wall from the building proper, while the other two were big AC units. The last wall was the chain-link fence overlooking Namimori. The secluded space was ideal for having private talks, since not only was it hard to even see, but reaching it involved squeezing between the AC unit and the wall, but once in there was enough space for about a dozen students to sit comfortably.

“No one is going to punish anyone.” He said, popping a piece of broccoli in. “Hana-chan, this is really good. Would you like to try it?” Tsuna lifted another piece of food with his chopsticks until they were in front of her mouth.

Hanna looked at it, then at him, before wordlessly taking it with her own chopsticks. “Thank you, Tsuna.” she said, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He smiled nervously, and went back to eating his lunch.

There was a long, tense pause, where the only sounds on the roof were the whisper of the wind and the movement of chopsticks, occasionally punctuated with slurps from their drinks.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Asked Hana as she wrapped up her bento.

“Eh?” Asked Tsunayoshi, blinking owlishly at her, a piece of tuna dangling from his hand.

She raised an eyebrow. “Well, after the bullshitery he pulled this morning, I assumed you’d like to, you know. MAKE IT FUCKING STOP ALREADY!” she shouted, making the other four jump in surprise.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Tsunayoshi.” She said, with the calmness of a snake about to strike. “We have had to watch as, for about seven years, these punks have tried literally everything to make you a pariah, and succeeding. Because you let them.”

“Oi, It’s not that way and you know it.” Said Tsunayoshi, frowning.

“I know. But still, you don’t have to let them just…Walk all over you. I have told you before and I tell you again: Get. Them. Straight. Or I will.” She finished darkly.

“I have to agree with her.”

The teenagers looked up to find Reborn circling around them with a green glider. The baby descended, and the glider transformed on a parachute, landing in the middle of the circle of teenagers, the parachute changing one last time to a familiar lizard.

“That was so cool!” Exclaimed Kyoko once she got over her surprise.

“Yeah, that looks to be mighty useful” said Hana, giving the chameleon a calculating glance. Leon blinked slowly and stuck his tongue out, before curling around the fedora and settling for a nap. Hana frowned, but Kyoko giggled at the cute picture.

“Of course is useful. Leon is my partner after all.” Said Reborn.

“What an extreme little guy!” Exclaimed Ryohei, bending down to look at Leon more closely.

Reborn turned to face him fully, inspecting the boy as much as he was inspecting Leon. He was bigger than anyone in the group, muscled, with close-cropped white hair and big tea-brown eyes, one of which was bisected by a narrow scar. There was a second one on his forehead, a vertical slash that went into his hair, and a third, from the left corner of his mouth to his chin.

“And you are?” He asked.

The teenager smiled. “My name is Sasagawa Ryohei, the extreme brother of Kyoko! It’s an EXTREME pleasure to meet you!” He said, making some nearby birds take flight at the amount of noise.

“Reborn”

“THE Reborn? THIS IS EXTREEEEMEE!!!” yelled Ryohei, punching the air. “I have always wanted to have an extreme match with you!”

”Maybe later. But back at the topic at hand.” He turned towards Tsuna. “Your friend is right, dame-Tsuna. You need to do something about those people. It is unsightly of a Mafia Boss.”

Tsunayoshi rolled his eyes, slumping. “It’s no use. No one cares about what they do so long it’s just me.” He shrugged. “To be perfectly honest, I don’t care either, as long as they keep it to a minimum.”

“That was not ‘keeping it to a minimum’, Tsuna. That was a thinly-veiled death threat.” Barked Hana.

Tsuna snorted. “Then they are lousy threats. This is, what? The fourth time they have done it this year alone?” he gave a bitter chuckle. “So long they don’t do anything else but talk, I’m golden. Sure, it’d be nice to have some pull with the teachers, but what can you do?” He ended with an insolent shug.

Tsuna yelped, a bruise blooming on his forehead. He glared at the baby, who was once again standing in the middle of the circled. “What was that for?”

“Cowardice is unsightly on a Mafia Boss too.”

“I am not being cowardly, merely pragmatic.” He said irritated.

Both Reborn and Hana huffed simultaneously, which prompted them to share a look and a small, evil smile. Tsunayoshi had the distinct impression of two predators deciding to gang up on prey.

Further conversation was interrupted by the bell.

“We will continue this discussion later, Dame-Tsuna.” Said Reborn, jumping over the the wall and out of sight.

“I was afraid you were going to say that.” Muttered Tsuna. Then he turned to the rest, who were looking after the hitman with varying expressions of dislike. “Is everybody on board with an impromptu study session today at my house?”

“I am EXTREMELY sorry, but I have promised the coach that I would help him re-do the gym!” Said Ryohei, looking terribly torn.

“That’s fine nii-san. We are all free, it won’t be a problem, right guys?” Asked Kyoko.

“But of course!” Said Takeshi, turning back to them and throwing a vice-like arm over Tsuna’s shoulders, tenderly touching the spot where the hitman had kicked him. “Of course.” He repeated, dropping a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Tsuna smiled, and slid out of their enclosure. His friends followed behind, Ryohei running out and into the building screaming something about “unextreme punishments for being late”, Takeshi taking the lead and Hana staying behind, sandwiching Tsuna between them. Kyoko, however, sidled up to his side and intertwined her harm with his own.

He looked down at her quizzically, but she just smiled angelically at him.

“Have you already told the rest?”

“Goddess, not yet. Please not yet.” Whimpered Tsuna, making Kyoko laugh and press closer to him.

“You should tell them, you know? Haru already suspects, and the others are not going to be happy to learn you left them out on purpose.”

“I will, Kyoko, I will. Just… not yet. I’d like to be free a little more.”

Kyoko hummed, a small smile blooming on her face. “It’s going to be soooo much fun seeing you try to talk your way out of this one. I recommend you start planning the offerings.”

“You are getting so mean, Kyoko-chan. You need to spend less time with Hana.” Tsuna said jokingly, putting his hand around her in a more comfortable position.

“Mean? Me? You wound me so much, Tsu-chan. I would never be mean to you on purpose.”

“KYOKO-CHAN!! WHAT IS DAME-TSUNA DOING TO YOU?!?!?”

Tsunayoshi pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling forcefully, and giving a subtle sign to Takeshi to get him to stand down. He nodded and fell back on the other side of Kyoko.

“Mochida. What do you want?” Tsuna asked, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of his tone. A quick glance to his surroundings showed most students looking at him with a mix of envy, fear, admiration, and in some, disgust.

“I want to get your horrid paws off Kyoko-chan.”

“Tsuna is doing nothing I didn’t consent to first.” Said Kyoko, sending people fluttering with the use of his first name. “If anything, I am the one taking advantage of him.” She pressed closer, smiling up to Tsuna.

Mochida spluttered, his face becoming an ugly shade of red. “Bu-But Kyoko-chan, He is dame-Tsuna! He is not even fit to kiss the ground you walk in!!”

“That is for me to decide, Mochida-san.” She replied cooly, not budging from her spot.

Mochida flinched as if he had been punched, but then he turned his attention to Tsunayoshi. “SAWADA!! Whatever you are planning, leave Kyoko-chan out of it!”

“Shouldn’t I be the one telling you that?” Asked Tsunayoshi in a flat, disinterested voice. “You did ask Kyoko out yesterday, didn’t you? And yet, you were on a date with Midori-san.”

“L-Lies! It’s true we were out yesterday, but it was as friends! That’s it! But then again, it is unlikely you could tell the difference, seeing as you have no friends at all.” He finished with a sneer.

“Hm? Then shall we call Midori-san? See what she thought of your little outing.” He said, taking out his phone and scrolling down. “Ah, there it is.” He turned the phone towards Mochida, who went white. “This is her number, yes?”

“GIVE ME THAT!” Said Mochida lunging at him. Tsunayoshi sidestepped him, throwing the telephone to Kyoko.

“I think that is proof enough.” He said coldly.

“How could you, Mochida-san? Does Hitomi-san know?” Asked Kyoko with a gasp.

“SHUT UP!” He turned to Tsunayoshi, hands balled in fistst. “This is all your fucking fault, Dame-Tsuna!! You should not get involved in the business of your betters!”

Tsunayoshi bursted laughing at that. “You? My better?”

“Damn right! I could beat some manners in you, kill that annoying tendency of yours to act like a person, and finally take Kyoko for myself!”

“Excuse me?” Said Kyoko from her place, hands on her hips and a frown on her face. She stomped up to Mochida and put a finger to his face. “And exactly who the hell do you think you are to say something like that?”

“I don’t - I just -Kyoko-chan?!” Spluttered the Mochida, unconsciously taking a step back.

“Tsunayoshi is a hundred times better person than you, Mochida-san.” She said, spitting the honorific. “Therefore, I spend time with him, because I want to, on my own volition. No one is making me do anything. And I am most certainly not an object to take.”

“But Kyoko! That- How can you say those kinds of things about a loser guy like him?”

“First of all, It’s Sasagawa-san. And second of all, I can say that because I actually have bothered to befriend him. And you want to know what? I liked it. I like him.”

Mochida made a strangled sound, looking between Kyoko and Tsunayoshi, eventually settling on him. “I don’t know how, but you have somehow corrupted Kyoko-chan! Someone should teach you a lesson!” Growled Mochida, obviously trying to be intimidating, but Tsunayoshi wasn’t impressed.

“Oh? And who could be this person? You?” He sniggered, before straightening back up. “I dare you to.”

The hallway fell silent at that proclamation. People muttered amongst each other, but neither Mochida nor Tsunayoshi were paying them any attention.

“Y-you - I - What?” Stammered Mochida out, losing all his bravado.

“I dare you to teach me a lesson.” Said Tsunayoshi, slowly and carefully enunciating each word, as if talking with a very small child. “You talk about it so much, I might as well give you the chance.” Tsuna smiled, a carefree smile that was at odds with the seriousness of the situation. He put a hand on his hip, using the other to gesture between them. “Let’s duel like gentlemen, I’ll even let you pick the place and the weapons! What do you say, Mochida-sempai?”

Mochida blinked and gulped, looking around. Everyone was looking at him, waiting for his answer, without a single place to run or hide.

He snapped back to Tsunayoshi, straightening his spine. “Today after class, in the Gym, Kendo. And don’t even think about running, dame-Tsuna!”

“See you then, senpai. May the best man win!” Tsuna said, walking past Mochida’s hanger-ons, gently tugging Kyoko along. The hallway had erupted with murmurs, some people even yelling their encouragements.

“... This works too, I guess.” said Hana once they were away from the crowd. She gently nudged Tsuna on the ribs. “So much for not caring.”

Tsuna shrugged. “I really don’t care what they say about me. What was unacceptable was how he treated Kyoko.” He winced. “Shit, Kyo-chan, let go, it hurts.”

“Sorry, sorry.” She said, easing on her grip. Tsuna shook his arm, feeling the small indentations Kyoko left. “I just got so mad, you know?”

“I mean, I have always know he was an asshole but holy shit, never expected him to come out and say it like that.” said Hana. Takeshi and Tsuna exchanged an incredulous glance, knowing what that catlike smirk meant, but they decided to close their mouths. Hana could get scary if interrupted in her schadenfreude.

“Yeah, you’d think he would have learned already.” Said Takeshi shrugging. He turned to Tsuna. “What do you think your tutor will do?”

“I don’t want to find out, honestly.” said Tsunayoshi, walking into the classroom. “Anyways, we still good for the study session?”

“Yup!”

“Yeah”

“Of course!”

“All right. See you at the end of the day.” He said, walking inside the classroom and taking his seat. Takeshi sat next to him, blocking him from the rest of the classroom, while the girls sat directly in front of them.

If any of the other students minded, they didn’t do more than look at them slightly longer than usual.

Reborn went back in the house with confidence. Nana was out, saying something about shopping for vegetables and passing through the restaurant, so he was reasonably sure he had enough time to do what he needed.

He took the stairs up and opened the door to Tsunayoshi’s room.

The room looked like a normal 16 years old room, even if it was a bit too organized, in Reborn’s opinion. Kids that age had clothes littering the floor, shoes under the bed, and a myriad of little things on their desk. Dino in particular had been horrible about it, his room resembling a battlefield more often than not. It had taken Reborn a whole year to beat the habit out of him, and even then, sometimes Dino slipped.

The contrast couldn’t have been starker. To the left, the bed that ran parallel to the window was neatly made, the sheets a clear green color, the pillows fluffled at the head. Sitting between them, there was a tiger plushie that had seen better days, with one of its button eyes missing, quite a few stitches standing out from its discolored body.

The nightstand at it’s side was no better: Two books were resting on top of it, perfectly lined with the edge, under the lamp. There was also an old mp3 player connected to a pair of headphones, carefully coiled around a holder. The top drawer of the nightstand had a lock, the second didn’t.

The opposite wall had a couple of shelves and a desk, which ended just before the closet door. One of the shelves was full of different kinds of books, the other held a variety of items he hadn’t been able to look at in detail before. The desk had everything a 16 year old could need, pens, pencils, a small desk lamp. It also had a new laptop and a printer.

Finally, in one of the corners of the rooms, there was a small entertainment center. A tv sat on top of a small cabinet, two different consoles sitting under it, cables neatly rolled and bundled together, a stack of games to the side.

All in all, a completely normal room for a completely normal 16 year old boy.

Now, to tear it up.

The first thing Reborn did was boot up the computer. It was a slightly older model, so he left it to cycle until he could open it up. Meanwhile, he opened the drawer, but the results disappointed: Nothing but old school books and a couple more school materials. The pencil-holders on the desk were equally bare, holding mundane items.

The computer finally finished cycling, and the hitman was taken to a password screen. He tried different combinations of the kid’s birthday, and then the mother’s. Finally, he used a combination of both and the computer took him to the desktop. Reborn made a mental note to hit his pupil for not securing his computer better, and went to town through the files.

But just as the desk, the results were disappointing. Reborn looked through assignment after assignment, chat log after chat log, but there was nothing to even suggest Tsunayoshi was more than a sixteen year old. The only thing that was even vaguely suspicious was the fact that the internet history was completely blank, but even then, it was circumstantial at best.

Clicking his tongue in frustration, Reborn took out an USB and connected it. Within minutes, he had installed a keylogger and a website tracker, and had that rerouted to the CEDEF, where a group of mooks would be scanning the results 24/7 . If the kid was doing anything, he’d know as soon as Tsunayoshi’s finished typing.

Bored with the computer, he moved to the book cases, and once again, was struck at how utterly bare his information had been. There had been nothing there on the kid’s interest on mystery novels, or the fact that he was learning numerous languages. Reborn took out the oldest-looking ones, a series of six volumes to learn french, and was surprised to discover not the neat handwriting of the tests, but the scrawl of a young child. The writing got slightly better as the volumes increased, but it was obvious that Tsunayoshi had learned when he was very young.

The second oldest set was, to his surprise, an 4-volume italian one. He pulled them down, too, and flipping through it realized it had taken the kid a long, long time to learn, as the handwriting slowly got neater, sometimes having drastic changes. Reborn concluded that the kid must have interrupted his studies, and then returned at a later date.

The other courses were a seven-book Russian one, a three book and a dictionary for Chinese, and one very advance volume on English. After paging through them all, Reborn was reluctantly impressed. It spoke of tenacity that the kid had actually learned from those books, and the fact that he had been working on so many was also notable. Even… suspicious. These were, after all, languages of the countries with the strongest Organized Crime presence, with the possible exception of English.

Deciding to grind the kid later (and making a mental note to test his speech skills while at it), Reborn looked at the other books. Most of them were mystery novels, with a particularly large collection of Maurice LeBlanc books in the original french, which was unusual. The Arsene Lupin series was not well known outside France, and was most often overshadowed by the more famous Holmes and Poirot, which were also present in english on the collection, but comparing the new, shiny covers with the older aged ones, it was clear which one the kid favored. There were other works by Agatha Christie, these ones translated to japanese and almost untouched, a copy of most of Shakespeare plays (comedies included), a complete collection of Jules Verne, one copy of The Three Musketeers that was falling apart, and was that The Art of War in the original Chinese?

Reborn pinched his nose, and decided to leave the rest of the books alone. It was obvious that the kid liked to read a very specific type of literature, and he doubted the rest of the books were going to be too much different from the established pattern, so he moved to the second bookcase. The lower two shelves of it were filled to the brim with a collection of manga, mostly shonen, but there was also a bit of seinen and shojo there, as well as a variety of magazines that were bought more for boredom than actual interest, since they ranged from Motorcycles to Magic Tricks to Theater.

The second highest shelve consisted of a first aid kit, a piggy bank, what looked like a jewelry box, and a heavy binder of some kind. He opened the kit first, and was surprised to find it surprisingly well stocked for a civilian, having from something as innocuous as gauze and painkillers to heavy doses of morphine. He took a look inside the piggybank out of sheer curiosity, but there was nothing of real interest, just some Yen, and the jewelry box contained an impressive collection of earrings. The binder however, yielded the most interesting thing: Music sheets.

Reborn chanced a quick look at the last shelf, and found himself pleasantly surprised. There was a Violin case in there, along with most tools needed to keep the violin in good shape. He took it down, and opened the case, noticing that it was a little used. The violin inside, too, had seen better days, if the lack of lustre was any indication, but Reborn could tell that the instrument was being diligently maintained and cared for. An experimental pasd confirmed that it was tuned, too, but there was a slight discord at the end of the note. That, combined with the amount of dust accumulated, made him think the kid hadn’t played much for a couple months or so.

After that, he turned to the closet. He riffled through the kid’s pants and jackets, returning only with a handful of coins and some napkins, and checked inside the shoes just out of habit, The kid had feet too small to hide anything valuable inside them. The drawers inside were far more fruitful, having bills taped to their underside in different denominations, but with a final total of about eight hundred thousand yen; and some american dollars totalling a thousand. However, he’d made sure to have a chat with Tsunayoshi once he came back home, and he better have some good explanations about the amount of feminine clothing.

But what really captured his attention was the wooden chest he found hidden on the absolute back of the lowest drawer. It had been bundled inside an old pillow case, so it was hidden there deliberately. It was square, measuring seven inches a side and about two inches deep, reinforced with polished iron on the corners. On the lid, carved, was some kind of coat of arms. It was a circular celtic circle made to look like an Ivy. In the middle of it, there was a raven in mid-flight, the eyes, beak and feet being made from polished onix. Under the circle, there were seven lilies: one in the center in full bloom and about twice as big as the others, with another three on either side. Under them, in a scroll, there was a motto: “Cor Nobile, Cor Immobile.”

Reborn stopped for a moment to admire the art of it, before carefully picking the lock. He had the sensation that, should anything happen to this chest or its contents, Tsunayoshi would not forgive him easily, and while Reborn couldn’t care less about the brat, that would make his job unnecessarily difficult. Not to mention that it would be simply disgraceful to leave traces so blatant a simple civilian could pick them out.

The lock gave away and Reborn focused his attention back on the chest. He opened the lid, and upon seeing the contents, wondered what the hell these items meant to his student, that put so many precautions for them.

There were four distinct items in total: a pair of white gloves, an extremely old switchblade, a small jewelry box, and a locket. Reborn took the gloves first, being the item that was on top of the rest. They were slightly too big to be his student’s, and the stitching on the leather was frayed, so it was, most likely, a memento. The same thing could be said for the switchblade, once Reborn takes it up and examines it closely. A couple of tools have been lost, and the blade is dull, but the scissors still work, and the kid keeps it oiled enough for it not to rust.

The jewelry box contains what must be the reason for the security: A pair of gold and diamond earrings. The stones are cut into a circle, no bigger than half an inch, and are set on a delicate gold mount that mimics lily flowers. The fact that they are authentic does not faze Reborn as much, as the fact that Tsunayoshi does have something like this in the first place, since he doesn’t seem to be a kid that spends money in this kind of frivolous things. Then again, it’s possible they are a gift, but that makes more questions crop up, because who would give a kid something so precious?

Reborn put the earrings back and too out the locket. It was a heavy thing, made of iron once again, but the chain is silver. The pendant is a simple thing, another celtic knot decorating it and not much else. It opens easily for him, and instead of hair, Reborn finds different colored hairs braided together in a circle. He can make two different reds, a black or dark-brown, a dirty blond, and a golden blond. Whose hairs there are is a mystery he is not going to be bothered with right now, but he makes sure to memorize the shades so he could recognize them.

By the time Reborn put everything on it’s place, made a hell of a deep swipe for bug (and finding two) and finished checking for secret compartments, there is a beetle waiting for him on the windowsill. Reborn smiles, and offers his hand to it, gently caressing the hard chitin as it tells him what happened once he left.

“Ah, so Dame-Tsuna is not a complete coward.” He said, letting the beetle off. “This will be an interesting day.”

And maybe, if he gets lucky, he will finally be able to shoot his pupil today.

Tsuna walked into the Gym flanked by Takeshi and Ryohei, to be greeted with a cacophony of sound, the benches full to bursting with people. He frowned and looked to the upper right benches, where he found Hana and Kyoko sitting together, away from the general populace. Hana saw him watching and returned a sly smile, blowing him a kiss. Kyoko smiled wryly at her friend’s antics, but brightened a lot and wave enthusiastically at him. He waved back, prompting another wave of comments.

“So you finally came, Dame-Tsuna!” Growled Mochida from the ring, as Tsunayoshi climbed the stairs up to ir. “And what the hell are you wearing?” He screeched.

“So I did” he said, mild as milk with an easy grin. “And this is a simple set of armor. Did you think I’d be so rude as to make you wait while I changed?”

Mochida scoffed, but sent a concerned glance at the three lackeys he had with a standby armor. “Where did you get that? For all I know, that thing could be altered.” He pointed his shinai to him. “I will not tolerate any cheating!”

“We are at an impasse, then. I’d rather use the things I brought myself.” He tilted his head, a grin making a place on his face. “Unless, of course, you’d rather give me your set, and you can fight on the one you were about to give me, since that one is allowed.”

“I- no, that’s fine.” said Mochida, taking a glance to the heavy armor and back to Tsunayoshi, “It’s not like you can beat me anyways!”

Tsuna smiled. “We’ll see about that. So how are we doing this, sempai?”

Mochida smiled. “I assume you are familiar with the basic rules of Kendo?” at Tsunayoshi’s nod, he continued. “We are going to fight, the first person to score three points wins.”

“Sounds fair.” Said Tsunayoshi nodding, slipping on a fighting stance. “Ready when you are.”

Mochida scoffed, but slipped on his own stance. “Let’s do this, Dame-Tsuna. I will put you in your place.”

Tsuna ducked his head, a blood-thirsty smile making home on his face. “I’d love to see you try.”

“The Kendo match between Sawada Tsunayoshi and Mochida Kensuke is about to start! Whoever scores three points will be the winner of the match! Round one, FIGHT!”

And so, the two combatants went at each other. Immediately, Mochida charged at Tsunayoshi and jabbed the shinai at his face, but Tsuna evaded it by taking a step back, and immediately counterattacking with a swipe aimed to Mochida’s abdomen. Mochida moved back and to the side, flowing with his momentum, almost laying a hit on Tsuna, but Tsuna pivoted to the side, using the opening of the stab to make contact with the side of his enemy.

Tsuna drew back and let the bigger teenager gather his bearings, and looked at the referee. When he didn’t rise the flag, Tsuna couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the stupidity, readying himself just in time to parry the rather vicious swing that Mochida took at him.

Up in the stands, Kyoko narrowed her eyes. “You saw that, right?”

Hana nodded, not moving her phone for fear the recording spoiled. “Yeah, not really surprising considering who is taking part, but still... If Tsuna didn’t have such a bad reputation, the students would be outraged. As it is, they must think of this as a very amusing prank.” She ended with venom.

Unfortunately her words were true. Most of the students were pointing and laughing, the ballsiest ones actually cheering Mochida on. Hana made note of those, she would have her hands full after this; and while Tsunayoshi might not care about his reputation inside school, Hana sure as hell did.

Kyoko voice pulled her up from dark fantasies of public humiliations and blackened records for life “Should we tell Hibari-san about this?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’d be surprised if he doesn't know already what’s happening and is on his way here.” She said, pointing to the other side of the Gym, where one of the member of the Disciplinary Committee was talking on his phone.

Kyoko nodded, returning her attention to the match. “It should be me down there.” She said quietly.

Hana sighed, gripping her phone tighter. “None of us will think less of you for this. And besides, you know damn well why why it has to be him.”

“Still, I don’t want him fighting on my behalf. I can -I want to fight.”

Hana sighed. “But this goes further than a simple fight. This could be our chance to put down ‘Dame-Tsuna’ for good. After this, you can do whatever you want to Mochida.

Kyoko smiled. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Tsuna parried another hard swipe to his right side, and used the moment of inattentiveness to get inside Mochida’s guard and try for a hit on the forearms, which Mochida evaded and then countered with another stab.

The shinais locked “What happened to ‘not allowing cheating’ Mochida-sempai? Weren’t you a man of your word?”

Mochida snarled and disengaged his sword, trying to reach the neck with a side swipe, but in doing so he left himself wide open. Tsuna did some fast footwork, evading the shinai before bringing his own down, hard, and in plain view of the crowd, over his forearm. Mochida made a strangled noise on his throat and let go of the sword, but Tsuna didn’t let it end there and stabbed him on the stomach, pushing him back and unbalancing him; and finally bringing the shinai down on his head, making him land on on his ass. Mochida tried to get up, but a sword tip appearing at inches from his face told him that it would be a very bad idea.

The referee gulped, but between the position of his captain and the death glare Dame-Tsuna was giving him, there wasn’t much he could do “Point to Sawada Tsunayoshi.”

Tsuna snorted and brought down the sword. “If that’s the way It’s gonna be, I’m out. I don’t have the time to waste here.” he said,walking off the arena amidst the stunned silence of the student body. His friends were already waiting for him at the edge of the area, Kyoko in front of them with a smile on her face. “You were excellent, Tsuna” she said, taking the shinai from him.

“I sense a but there” he said.

“...But I don’t think this will be enough. Now his fan club has named you enemy number 1.” She said looking worriedly at a knot of girls on the far side, which included, of course, Midori, Riku, and Ayako.

“Eh, It was expected” Said Tsuna, waving it off with his hand. “Don’t be surprised if in the next days there are stories about me cheating. Speaking of, Hana, did you get all that?”

She hoisted her phone up. “It’s uploading to the school website as we speak. Even after they take it down, I’t going to be pretty obvious if people start trying to rewrite history and say that Mochida won.”

Tsuna started to open his mouth, but didn’t get a chance to answer.

In one fluid movement, Takeshi had gotten behind him, raising his arm to parry the blow intended to the back of Tsuna’s head. There was a sonorous ‘Twack!’ as the wooden sword made contact with his forearm, which Takeshi then twisted to grab the shinai and wrench it from the attacker. Mochida’s bravado died then, faced with a very angry Takeshi Yamamoto, but hope swelled in his chest when he saw Kyoko put a hand on the ex-baseball player arm, making him take a step back.

“Kyoko-chan -” he said, with his most charming smile.

The sound of a slap interrupted anything he was going to say. Mochida touched his cheek, feeling it warm, and turned to look at the girl. Kyoko looked pissed off.

“Why, Mochida-kun, did you try to hit Tsuna? Didn’t you have enough in the ring? Or are you so vile as to attack someone, unarmed, on the back?”

“Kyoko-chan-”

“Shut. Up.”She said, and Mochida’s mouth closed on It’s own volition. “Tsuna beat you fair and square, with your weapons and in your turf, accept it and move on.”

“He cheated!” Cried Mochida, once again ego surpassing brain.

“He didn’t cheat” She hissed, taking a step forward and getting on his face. “And if I find ANY account that says differently, I will go and deal with that personally.”

She turned to address the whole Gym, which had been submersed in silence since the first slap, trying to not be noticed.

“Listen up! I’m sick of you treating Tsuna like a piece of trash when he is one of the kindest students on this school! Yes, I’m his friend and proud of it, and I prefer to be associated with the so-called Dame-Tsuna than with a bully like Mochida! If anyone has any problem with it, you know where to find me!” She said, ending her proclamation with a look that cowed all students.When no-one said anything, she turned, grabbing Tsuna’s arm. “Come on, I can’t stay here any longer.” she said, all but dragging Tsuna outside. He followed meekly, even if he felt a small smile start crawling on his face, their friends following closely behind.

“That was EXTREEEEEME Kyoko!” Sai Ryohei, hugging Kyoko hard enough to lift her from the floor, making her squeak.

“Nii-san, put me down!” She said, slightly slapping his arms. Ryohei laughed but let her go, and then proceeded to punch the air.

“My imotou is an extremely fierce person! I am EXTREEEMELY PROUD OF YOU!”

She ducked her head, a blush climbing on her cheeks. “I-It was nothing, really. I was angry already, but when I saw him trying to attack Tsuna… I just snapped, I was so mad!.” she said, clenching her fists, her eyes all but spewing flames.

Takeshi and Tsuna giggled, while Hana nodded her head, pleased. “Glad to see my lessons had been put to good use. Go on, Kyoko, let it all out, there’s a good girl.”

“Only thing here is… What are we going to do now with Midori and her clique?” Asked Takeshi, tapping his chin in thought. “We know they had been planning something big for a while now, and you and Hana were able to tell us because you were… “friends” with them. I don’t think this is going to go over well with them.”

“Yeah, and you have been the Idol of Namimori since forever, and exempt from the harassment because of it. I don’t want you to get hurt just for being my friend, and with what you said back on the Gym…” Tsuna said, putting the breastplate down besides the rest of the armor pieces.

She huffed. “Don’t worry Tsu, I’ll be fine.”

“We were planning on ditching them soon anyway.” Said Hana from her seat. “The snake and the spider are at each other’s throat almost daily now, and the only reason they haven’t imploded yet is because Kyoko and I have been running interference for them. Without us, the weasel does not have the spine to stand up to them.” She shrugged. “I give them two weeks before they start fighting each other. A month tops.”

“That still doesn’t solve the information problem.” Pointed Tsunayoshi, handing Takeshi the kendo equipment.

“I bugged their phones, and I have backdoors to all their social media accounts. Not to mention that quite a few people there still owe us favors, so.” Said Hana, huffing. “Stop worrying about it, I know what I’m doing.”

“I can see that.” came a squeaky voice from the ceiling.

All the teenagers looked up sharply, just as one of the ceiling panels fell down, Reborn descending amongst them with a cheesy, one-piece spy suit. “That was a very intelligent strategy, if crude.” he said, finally reaching the floor as Leon changed back from his rope form, settling on top of Reborn’s head.

“And what would you do, baby?” Asked Hana, some irritation seeping into her tone.

“Hm, depends. Who are they?” He answered, looking up at the girl with big innocent eyes.

She sent him an unimpressed look, but it was Kyoko who answered. “They are bullies.” she said curtly. “They have been bothering us all for a long time, but their favorite target is Tsuna.”

“Why?”

“Beats me.” She said shrugging. “I think they are afraid of him becoming more popular than them.”

“Fat chance of that happening.” Said Tsuna shaking his head.

“It wouldn’t be too hard.” She retorted. “You are nice, polite, and sweet. If the students weren’t scared to death of them, you’d be swimming on admirers. Don’t sell yourself short, Tsuna.”

“Yeah, compared to them, you are a freaking angel, Sawada.” Said Hana, giving him a speculative look. “Now if we could call attention to those traits in contrast to Mochida…”

“Please leave the plotting for later, right now I just want to go home. I am tired and starting to get hungry, and mom might be wondering where I am.” Said Tsuna, stretching. “Ryohei, could you return those please?”

“Extremely! See you tomorrow morning, Tsuna!”

“Thank you.” he said to the back of the athlete, before turning to his friends. “So, is everybody ready?”

“Yeah.” Said Hana, echoed by Kyoko and Takeshi. Tsuna turned to Reborn.

“Can you keep pace with us, or do you need one of us to carry you?”

His answer came in the form of a kick to the knees. “I am the greatest hitman in the world, Dame-Tsuna; I don’t need help keeping up with you.” he said harshly, strutting out of the door.

Tsuna rubbed his knee, glaring at Reborn’s back, before testing it to make sure it could still support his weight. Once he was sure he would not go crashing down, he looked back at his friends, nodded and followed the hitman outside.

“So, Dame-Tsuna, tell me what you plan to do about your enemies.” Reborn asked once the teenagers had caught up with him at the school gate.

“Enemies? That’s quite a heavy word for schoolyard bullies.” Answered Tsuna, raising an eyebrow.

“Doesn’t make it wrong though.” Said Hana. “ They definitely hate you enough to be qualified as enemies, and at least Mochida will happily hurt you any way he can, just because.”

“Not to mention that half your social problems are directly or indirectly created by Riku” Chimed Kyoko.

“And that part of the reason teachers don’t like you is because Ayako keeps messing with your tests.”

“Wait that was her?” Asked Tsuna, startled enough that he missed a step. He stumbled, but a quick grab from Takeshi prevented him from meeting the pavement.

“Yup. Kyoko and I found about it recently, she was bragging about messing up your last math grade.” She sighed. “Honestly, show she managed to convince Abe-sensei to let her be class rep will forever be a mystery to me.”

“You aren’t class representative?” Asked Reborn, turning to Kyoko, curious.

She shook her head. “I technically won the election, but since it came so close, Abe-sensei had to act a tiebreaker.”

“How close?”

“...My vote was the difference.” Said Tsuna, voice quiet.

“Do you vote by raising hands or something?”

“It was the quickest way.”

Reborn kicked his student. “Lesson one of being a Mafia Boss: Eliminate any and all chance of failure. You should have used paper, easier to fix”

Tsuna rubbed his shin. “I am not going to bother fixing a simple Class Representative election, I had no reason to!”

“The path of being a Mafia Boss is littered with stepping stones, and Class Representative is but one of them. However, it seems we need to get some troublesome people out of the way first.” Reborn smirked. “This will be your first test, Dame-Tsuna: Become the Class Representative, and take care of the people who would oppose you.”

“Wouldn’t that be two tests?” Asked Tsunayoshi, annoyed.

“One is intrinsically tied to the other, Dame-Tsuna.” Said Reborn. “And by the way, you only have a month.”

“One month?!” Yelped Tsuna ”That’s kinda short, don’t you think?”

“A Mafia Boss must be able to adapt to any circumstance, no matter what.”

“And It’s not like you can do anything else.” Piped Hana from behind. “They are going to do something for sure, and I’d rather use this opportunity to put Dame-Tsuna down for real.”

“You just want some revenge” Said Kyoko teasingly, elbowing her friend. “But yes, Tsu-kun, I think it would be better if you cleared the air, so to speak.”

Tsuna huffed. “Keshi, back me up.”

“Sorry Tsuna, the girls are right!” He said with a wide grin. “We have been playing defensively all this time, we should seize the opportunities to make some plays of our own and try to get a home run!”

Tsuna turned slowly to his friend, horror etched on his face. “You are using game metaphors. You-You are serious about this.” He said breathlessly.

“Yup!” He said cheerily.

Tsuna looked between his three friends in rapid succession, looking overwhelmed, before hanging his head. “Ok. Fine, you win.” He lifted his head, and once again, his eyes were the color of sunset, but hard as diamonds. “We are going to war.”

As the teenagers cheered, Reborn turned forward. This would make it easier to assess his student, and if the kid managed to get some hands-on experience on leading, all the better. Besides, a classroom setting is ideal to teach his student about politics, without the threat of harm or worse usually present on the mafia.

Reborn smirked.

This was shaping to be an interesting assignment.

#Mine #text #16th #March #2017 #March 16th 2017 #My writing #dtr #DTR?#dame-tsuna right?#KHR!#katekyo hitman reborn #fanfic

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