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monsterenergysimp · 4 years

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Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats super cool actually

i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

[link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband imagines #corpse husband x y/n #youtubers #caffeinated ramblings

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shigarakisslutbag · 3 years

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TW: yandere themes, toxic relationships, etc .

(If theres any other warnings i should put just send in an ask or a dm!! Im so sorry if i missed anything!!)

Okay so this isnt what i normally write. if youre new to my blog, i typically write mommy kinm stuff (and i will continue to do so! so dont worry, if thats what you followed me for!!) But ive been thinking a lot about toxic relationships with either shigaraki or dabi . For now im gonna do shiggy cause, well, look at my blog name lol.

So i imagine in a scenario where shigaraki is toxic. It wouldnt start out that way. Itd be very gradual. Theres red flags of course, but sadly, some people, like yourself have rose colored glasses that make you blind with attachment. And that kind of love never helps you in the end.

Shigaraki isnt the kind of toxic where he likes other girls posts and hypocritically tells you not to like other guys/girls posts. Hes actually pretty loyal, in a sense.

Heres how i imagine his toxic side:

- lets say you have a group of friends, right? And youre very comfortable with one of them. You like to show lewd pics and hype eachother up, telling eachother how great you are, and how lucky your s/o's are. If shigaraki ever saw those messages, like maybe your phone wad open for a sec while you were gona and he took a peak, hed be furious. Not at you ofc. But at whoever send you pics of themselves. Because how dare they assume youd want to see anyone other than your boyfriend? Your loyal, caring, boyfriend. Were they trying to one-up him? Show you how much better they were than he? It doesnt matter if you both blatantly consented.

He'd talk to you about it, and would try to manipulate you into cutting them off. If you fall for his manipulations, hes very content. And from then on keeps an eye on your friends, even going so far as to messaging them privately, intimidating them and scaring them into never thinking they could be as close to you as he is.

But if you say no ? He wont block them for you, or get mad at you. He convinces himself that youre too kind to understand . And instead, convinces the other person into blocking you . Youre absolutely heart broken because you were so close. You told that person everything. They were the longest friendship you ever had. And then out of nowhere they send you a message telling you its hard to stay friends with you. That youre hard to love. Little do you knkw thats exactly ehat sjigaraki had them say . That was the last message you had of theirs before you were noticeably blocked.

Shigaraki also refuses to let you order at places or be independent in public in general because he hates the thought of you interacting with anyone. He has you sit at one of the tables or has you both stay at the hideout while one of the members gets things for you.

He still lets you hang out with friends ofc, but expect to have messages sent to you at least every 30 minutes to an hour, asking how everything's going.

You can also only wear hot clothing around him, he tries to convince himself he isnt jealous, but deep down if anyone were to ever EVER take a glance at your body other than your face while he noticed, they wouldnt have eyes to look with from that moment on .

The thing about this relationship, is that you dont quite notice most of his toxicity because its all behind a façade of niceness . He carries himself quite well. He truly does love you, he just cant express it like a normal person would. Just dont make the mistake of going through his phone or his pc's search history. And youll never be disappointed <3

(Again im sorry this isnt what i normally post, but fantasizing about toxic relationships is fun to me lol . Only in fanatsy though ofc )

#stuff #my stuff #shiggy #tomura shigaraki #shimura tenko #tenkoshimura #tomurashigaraki #mha tenko #tw: toxic relationship #yandere #yandere mha #yandere headcanons

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tomboyneedshercoffee · 4 years

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Lovedust (Role Reversal) HC

Author’s Note: Thank you anon who asked me about this cause OH BOY! My last Peter HC was utter trash but I love this one!! Hope you guys like it!!!! This idea was so fun and when I started Lovedust, I was going to make it this way but decided that Peter falling in love with you was just *chefs kiss* perfect

- So! We all know (for the most part) how Peter is when he absorbs the lovedust BUT what if the roles were reversed

- Lets rewind shall we? bLooPyBlIpziPzaPZoOp

- Right so lets kick it off to when you start to regain consciousness after touching the lovedust

-Peter is panicking right beside you and making sure you haven’t broken anything or cracked your head open like it was a watermelon

-and you’re just staring up at him with those freaking puppy dog eyes as he’s looking back at you like what's up little bud, got a staring problem?

-Deadass the first thing that comes out of your mouth is “I don’t know what’s wrong with me Peter but have I ever told you how much I love it when you say my name”

-And peter is like tf this bitch just say? Cause remember yall, seconds ago you were threatening to kill him PLUS Peter doesn’t even know what the dust is he just thinks you were gonna explode

-now he really thinks you have a concussion so he’s checking your head again and you literally melt into his hand as he cups the side of your face

-all you can focus on was how brown his eyes actually are and without a second thought you just straight up tell him

-“ jesus your eyes are so brown like soooo brown do you even know how brown they are? Like a beautiful chocolate brown like how authors say it in books- god my chest hurts- fuck I can’t even stop to think my mouth is literally just going- my heart is gonna burst open literally-I’m in love with you Peter Parker”

-PETER GETS SO FREAKING FLUSTERED! LIKE WHAAAAAA

-He’s looking around to make sure he isn’t being pranked like cut the cameras, deadasss

- he isn’t even sure how to respond but thank goodness your dad and Banner and the other Avengers show up like why are these two teenagers wet

- It takes an hour to explain to Peter what the lovedust is and every time, Peter doesn’t even believe it

- “So you’re telling me she loves.... my eyes?”

-” Oh my god- we’re saying she LOVES YOU. LOVE + DUST!”

-and Peter is utterly shooketh because as many times as he’s dated, he wasn’t sure a girl actually loved him

-as your dad and Banner are arguing, you are already cuddled up underneath Peter’s arm as his brain is trying to register what the hell is going on because the only time you two were ever this close was when you beat his ass for putting blue hair dye in your shampoo before homecoming

-so days pass and you’re doing a shit job at trying to keep your mouth under control because your body was literally working against you

- If yall think Peter didn’t have a filter, then when the tables had turned, you were WAY WORSE

- “ Your arms are so big how are they so big can you just hold me for a second?”

-” UHm I don’t think your dad would want me to do that but I can give you a hug”

- “ Have I ever told you how good you smell? Like I just want to tuck my face into your neck forever like an oxygen mask”

-” wut? UhM here you can have my hoodie it kinda smells like me”

-” Peter, what do you think about starting a family with me?”

-” ASGJFK You mean riGhT now? Like, here in the kitchen?”

- Everything was worst than how it was for Peter and you weren’t exactly why but the only thing that ever helped the pain was physically being close to him

- at night, you would toss and turn and you could feel your senses dial-up so everything was extra hot, extra bright, extra loud and the pain was EXTRA excruciating

-one night the pain was so bad you knocked on Peter's bedroom door and pouted

-”Can I sleep with you?” 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

- and Peter’s teenage boy mind just shuts down

-” GAH um I think we should wait until you’re actually in the right state of mind to take it to the next level like that PLUS I don’t have any protection-”

-” I meant can I sleep in your bed for tonight” even though you were totally down for his suggestion

-dont look at me like that in yall wanna get down with Peter

-Peter mentally pushes himself off of a cliff but secretly lets you into his room because BOI if Tony found out that you two were in the same bed, lovedust or not, he would MURDER PETER

-he gets you settled and decides he’s going to sleep on the floor because he respects women like it’s his goddamn job but when he offers, you literally look like you’re going to bust out into tears

-so okay new plan Peter sleeps next to you but puts a pillow in between the two of you just in case any unnecessary contact happens

- but you’re still being a baby about it so Peter agrees to move the pillow but he tells you that cuddling is off the table

-” This is already kinda weird and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable so just stay on your side of the bed okay Y/N?”

- but you’re already knocked out so Peter is like phew

-for most of the night, he is looking up at the ceiling as you’re snoring quietly beside him and his heartbeat hasn’t slowed down since you knocked on his door

-a girl has NEVER been in Peter’s bed before but he kinda doesn’t mind? He can feel your body heat coming and it makes him so sleepy

-it was comforting knowing that you were in less pain now that you were beside him and the thought made Peter flustered

-but before his eyes shut, you kinda just roll over and now you're tucked into his chest and Peter’s body shuts down for the millionth time

-he wants to move you off of him, not because it’s uncomfortable but because he feels like he’s taking advantage of the situation

-he would never want you to feel like you weren’t under complete control so he does the gentlemen thing and kinda slides you off of him

-but you’re holding on tight like a damn koala so after a few minutes, he kinda has the mentality of when a dog falls asleep in your lap

-like you can’t get up and wake the dog cause duh morals so Peter just lays there next to you

-he’s literally trying to fight off his sleepiness but after a while, he just submits because he was exhausted

-it isn’t until the morning when Peter wakes up before you to see that his arm had draped over your body while sleeping and yall were practically

-S P O O N I N G

-and he’s panicking and he tries to get up slowly but you turn your body to face him and you bury your face into his chest

-”just five more minutes please?” 🥺

-your sexy sleepy voice mixed with Peter being half awake made everything even worse

-Peter wasn’t even under the lovedust but he was completely whipped for you and goddamn it, how could he say no to that face

-Peter could feel how tired you were as he held you and he knew how much pain you were in. In his head, he wasn’t sure if you would do the same if the roles were reversed but either way, Peter felt that it was the right thing to do

-Peter decides to pull you closer and a part of him wishes he could hold you forever

@eridanuswave @juliet-winterson @akacalumtrash @ilovepeterparker13

@parkerboop @juliebean247 @multi-fan-lover @ffffan-----girlll @lukesbabylon

@danicarosaline @parkeret @marvel4geeks @hollander69 @spideyyeet @spn-assemble-seven @vibraniumdaisies @spaghetittiesbcimgay @vi-bi-bye

@lemonsnips @aduky @faithfullcompanion @stopthemotherfuckingmusic

@satellitespidey @foreverpark @marvelobsessedteenager @deadpoetsbackup

@zalladane @starcourt-s @parkersinfinitywar @stargazingcarol @littlesugarb

@itsteph13 @jennasmmith @liljennyx3 @harryspet @todaynotseen @oh-whatabeautiful-parker @tiny-friggin-human @popluckbih niiight-dreamerrrr sovereignparker marie-is-in-the-darkbuckyboy-soldier maia030 parkershoco wolverinesbeer cherrysruin sunkissdes kiainspace songofcosplay spideylovin write-from-the-heart thatcrazywhovian09 eternallyvenus thollandxmsrawog idiosadeoro imawkwardandhereweare foundwolvesthequeen-oni silverwolf-sama inspiring-bea multiversegalaxygirl lastupidebitchette idekwho1am

silverwolf-sama wishing-wanting annoyinglyloudcomputer faithful-music akacalumtrash agusdoti panickedbrain serendipitous-amor shannonthewriter-blog darth-andy farfromtom xroselights murdermornings dorbiksbitch baby-unidorn yes-multi-fandom-girl multiversegalaxygirl a-disappointing-teen-author rivas0309 vlogsquad-wannabe spicy-embryoo takemetoneverland420 teenage-tragedy roxybefab hopebaker timeless-crow marvel4geeks desteweirdo panicattheeverywherekid miragee3 cjphoenix135 liawhite03 zeusmyster boinkybarnesleftarmaunicornmademedoitActionsMinimizeClose tomshufflepuff peterparkoure drishtisikarwar shannonthewriter-blog

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sometimes-sentret · 7 years

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[O SHOOT ITS INKTOBER]

[Ok so i wont be doing it in ink but i do wanna draw every day this month if i can. Anyone have any inktober prompts?? Ill probably be switching back and forth between this blog and my @maybe-melty-mushroom blog. Im actually gonna try and finish the theme for that today, all i gotta do is finish up the sidebar icon thingy for it lmao. Ill probably end up actually coming back once i have them set up too... Anyway ! Inktober prompt thingies ! Where can i go about finding those?]

#Ooc post/#not sunny/#i dont think i ever actually told you guys what my new blog was gonna be oops #i dont have their pictures up yet at all but #ive drawn them many times in my sketchbook so im rly excited to actually start that ^^#and inktober is the perfect time to do it bc they fit halloween very well

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axemetaphor · 3 years

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im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

#jdate #john dies at the end #aus #erh. tthe hell do i tag this as #rambles.txt #long post #well let me know if youd wanna hear more or. or something #send an ask. or whatever #yaknow #:jazz hands:

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samwritesforyou · 4 years

Text

We’re gonna be okay

Diego x reader

Summary: You and Diego worked out a system for a situation if he ever comes to your place while being in the highest form of distress and needs your help. He assured you it won’t happen often. Until one night, it finally did.

A/N: i feel like i’ve read the whole tumblr dot com worth of diego x reader fanfics and yet i still wanted more, so the desperate need to finally write something myself has been fulfilled. i would actually love to take requests, so if you want, dont hesitate to message/ask me! im ready to write fics and headcanons :) (my blog might seem new but ive been on tumblr for years and years and i finally dedicated a new blog to mostly reader inserts, either my own or reblogging others)

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, gender neutral reader

Wordcount: 3,350

There was a knock on the door.

It was pretty late, but not too late for it to be Diego yet.

Or so you thought.

You got up kinda lazily from a comfortable chair you had situated in the corner of a room, at first designed mainly for reading or napping, but ending up doing absolutely whatever you could on the spot. Eating pizza, watching netflix, browsing through the internet after long working hours that you put in into your tiny art selling business.

You slightly opened the door and already plastered a semi-fake smile for a possible neighbor, but in front of you stood Diego.

Your dear friend, who was at the moment soaked from the rain outside, with big eyes, fast breathing and bloody hands.

Bloody hands?!

“Hello to you too, friend!” you said quite worried, quickly patting him down for signs of any physical pain. For the first time in a while he seemed fine, unscarred.

Your eyes finally went up, literally scanning his face but it was completely unreadable.

His eyes were wide and he looked as if he couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him.

You looked down again and took his fists into your hands. His own palms unclenched and you could see that they were heavily bloodied.

“Diego.. whose blood is it?”

No answer.

You rushed him inside and closed the door behind the two of you, facing the damn vigilante again.

“Diego, I need to know who’s blood is on your hands,” your voice grew steadier as you knitted your brows together in worry and confusion.

Only then the guy decided to move his arms and you noticed how shaky he is. He connected his two index fingers in the form of a cross, pressing it to his chest.

Your own eyes went wide now as you stumbled back a few steps and your mind went blank.

You instantly remembered a night that happened a few years back. He has come in crumbling through your window and was obviously in some new form of distress, that you couldn’t quite understand yet.

“Diego?” it seemed like your voice didn’t reach his ears, so you tried calling out his name again, getting up from the couch and patting him lightly on the body, to determine any sign of an injury.

It looked like there was none, so you tried to reach his gaze that was somewhat absentminded, all over the place, scanning everything but not meeting your eyes.

He was a tough guy, and you knew it. You knew that if you want to get answers, you need to either get them yourself or make yourself heard, until he cannot ignore you any longer.

“Diego Hargreeves, what is going on?” your voice was soft yet determined.

His dark orbs finally stopped on your face and he just shook his head, his breathing oddly fast for a man who was just simply standing.

You continued to push. You didn’t have the best day either, and to be interrupted at 1am by his visit was nothing new, but you couldn’t let him have this behaviour. Even though you’re friends, that didn’t automatically mean that he could do whatever he wanted.

Throughout the whole night he didn’t say a thing, but when you started adding volume to your voice, he.. he just broke down.

That night, you’ve witnessed Diego experience a panic attack. Caused by yourself.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, even after you eventually calmed him down and the only thing that was left to do for you was to watch him sleep and slowly rubbing circles on his exposed arm out of the blanket.

It felt like neons before you noticed a first ray of sunshine drawing from the half-closed curtains, making you spring to your feet and drag your ass to the kitchen, trying to think of what to do for breakfast.

When you figured the recipe out and finished cooking, Diego was already up and joined you near the kitchen counter, next to which you had two stools.

He settled on one of them, looking at you.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you couldn’t muster anything better, so you just put a plate in front of him and then sat next to his side, simply digging into your portion of scrambled eggs.

“About last night, y/n..” he drifted off, probably at first deciding that it’s better to fill his stomach a little bit.

In the meantime you didn’t dare to speak up and just waited for him to say something, anything.

When he finished his meal, he finally turned to you with a sigh.

“You know that one guy I told you ‘bout? That we.. we do some vigilante shit together from time to time?”

You just nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“Well. I guess I could count him as a close friend. You know.. and,” this was followed by a slight pause and clearing of the throat.

“He died yesterday. I couldn’t save him.”

Your eyes immediately shot up to Diego and all that vulnerability and hurt that you’ve clearly seen yesterday just overtaking him were completely gone. Now present only a strong facade that he mastered whenever he needed to hide from showing emotions. You hated it.

“Shit, Diego..” you spoke quietly and softly, all the words seemed to have left you in all the things unsaid in your throat. But you tried to continue.

“I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry for pushing you over the edge. I.. I didn’t know what happened so I just acted how we would normally do,” he smirked at that, merely for a second, but you still caught it.

“Look, I.. I know, “ he simply said and then it felt as if he was weighting pros and cons of telling you something else that was clearly on his chest.

“You always help me out. Every single night I come to you.. Why do you do it, y/n?” Diego’s eyes were steadily turned your way.

At the sudden question you raised an eyebrow, “well, I.. I care about you.”

He lightly bit his lower lip and turned his gaze away, clearly thinking about something really hard.

“Okay,” he finally said, “y/n, do you think I could ask you for a favour then?”

At that your eyes met and you felt nervous, for some reason.

You really liked him. Not just like a friend. But you understood that there probably won’t be a chance for you two to ever become a couple (mostly considering that you didn’t believe that he could feel about you this way), so you settled for friendship anyways, since you two really got along well.

And having this handsome tough guy as a friend? Damn, just that is already some kind of luck swinging your way.

But your feelings of course meant that.. you’d do more for him than what you’d do just for a friend. You would get out of your comfort zone just to help him with injuries or hear him talk about his girlfriend (at the time, now they were broken up) and how they argued so much that he ended up on the streets and didn’t really want to go to his lonely place at the gym.

And you took him in. You always did. And since the day you became friends you always care for him.

And you’d care now once again.

“What is it?” in your tone danced a question, troubled with what he might ask for.

“Well, yesterday-“ he cut himself from finishing and cleared his throat, starting over.

“I imagine we’re gonna be friends for a long time, right?”

You just pushed your brows up with a small nod in affirmation.

“I never had.. anyone, really, to help me with the states I often got into,” you immediately thought of Eudora, wasn’t his ex-girlfriend supposed to be his support pillar? Or is he just making you feel sorry for him-

“Or I didn’t ever trust anyone that much, you know,” oh, okay, that kind of explains that then.

“And I guess.. I trust you enough? To share this?” he talked quietly and mumbled a lot so you realised soon you won’t be able to hear him at all.

You grabbed his hands with yours and caught his attention this way.

You were never really touchy together, but occasional hugs and even holding hands was kind of a standard for you from time to time.

His eyes met yours again and you cursed yourself for your heartbeat getting faster. This is not an appropriate moment to get butterflies in your stomach, dammit.

“I’m listening, Diego,” you confirmed, nodding again.

“Okay. It’s- it’s just really h-hard to talk about this,” he stuttered a bit, but with the next breath continued again, “When there’s some situation that’s just completely fucked up, like losing someone close to me, or- or somethin’ else, I don’t know.. I finish what I need at the scene where it happened but when I come home I just,” he breathed some air in and you felt his hands squeeze yours a bit tighter, “I just break down, you know? Sometimes it’s just all too much for me and I don’t know how to deal with it and I would just wanna.. someone to hold me, I guess? Otherwise when someone’s trying to talk at me or somethin’ I just get even more worked up and it’s even worse.”

It all started to come together in your mind. Even though it sounded really strange to hear Diego talk about things like.. wanting to be held and shit. But you always guessed there’s a far bigger sweetheart and a soft boy underneath all those harness and knives.

You tried to pick your words carefully.

“So when I started to ask you shit.. You just flipped. Basically because I was talking at you a lot and you couldn’t take it anymore, right?”

He sighed and looked somewhere up, nodding bit by bit.

“Yeah, yep. That was it.”

You clapped at his hands lightly, to bring his focus back again and he looked at you and mustered a sad, faint smile.

You did the same. In the world you lived in, unforeseen and unfortunate events were happening left and right and thinking about his childhood and everything.. no wonders he developed such a huge reaction and coping mechanism to something catastrophic happening.

“That’s okay, Diego. I’m here for you, I mean it. Let’s just talk about some things what I should and shouldn’t do when you come here in that state, alright? I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“Alright. Thank you, y/n,” he was looking down now, the whole morning kinda failing to meet your gaze and just rubbed his thumb across your hand, which send you heart into a race again.

You slowly let go of him, making an excuse to go wash the dishes.

After a while you looked behind you where he sat and said, “We also need some sort of a sign that you can easily show me, since you’re not really talkative when you get like this.”

Apparently he already used said “sign” somewhere, because he had it on the ready.

It was his hands clutching in fists, index fingers crossing each other in a form of a cross, pressed to his chest.

“Something like this. But don’t worry, I don’t think it’ll happen often. That would be really sad,” he laughed a little and then looked at you somewhat longingly and you averted your eyes back to the sink, nodding.

You almost forgot about that and now it all come flooding back.

Something terrible must’ve happened. You were panicking, but you had to stay strong, for him.

He was still standing in your hallway, with a crossed index fingers pressed to his chest.

“Okay, okay..” you mumbled more to yourself than to him, taking his hands into yours and looking him up and down.

He really seemed.. disconnected. It was kind of scary and you tried so hard not to think about what happened. Or about who died.

“Here, come with me, Diego,” you led him by the hand towards your couch as he was holding onto you, but his usual grip was gone.

You both ended up on a sofa and you really didn’t know how to act around him now, because.. he didn’t talk, didn’t look at you but when he did, his eyes were wide and big and he just seemed suddenly like a small boy to you.

Hopefully he won’t remember this tomorrow, you thought and tried to smile a little bit at him.

“Okay. Can you get your hands up for me, baby boy?” You’ve decided to approach this situation as if you were just babysitting an overgrown child.

Because nothing bad happens to children normally, right? And if you kept thinking about him as usual grown man Diego, you’d lose your mind in the process, wanting to scream and shake him by the shoulders until he spills you what happened.

Being Diego’s friend pushed you to new limits each day, truly.

He didn’t bat an eyelid at your tone change and word choosing, just obliging and putting his hands up.

You helped him to get his knives down and put his black turtleneck over his head, so now he sat shirtless right next to you, hands still smeared with blood.

Goddamit the blood!

You took him by the elbows and lead Diego to the bathroom, where you helped to get the red out of his hands. At the sight of blood dripping down into the sink you deciphered a whimper from him, even through the sound of running water and looked up.

Diego couldn’t stop looking down at his hands and tears were running down his cheeks.

You quickly took his face into your wet hands from the water and forced him to look away and lock his gaze with yours.

“Hey, don’t look at it, okay? It’ll only make you stressed. Until I’m done you can just close you eyes, okay?”

“Oh-okay,” he said and just closed his eyes here and there.

You sighed and tried to finish washing his hands as fast as possible, cursing under your breath pretty often.

“I’m sorry..” you heard him mumble and when you looked up, his eyes were still shut.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about.. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, right? Don’t worry. You’re safe now,” you smiled as you were already wrapping his hands in a towel and his eyelashes fluttered, eyes opening.

You stayed looking at each other for a second longer than necessary, but then you already lead him away to the bedroom area, where you actually tucked him in, wrapping in a soft blanket and then rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a few cookies and then leaving it on a plate next to him on the night table.

You almost made yourself comfortable on the couch, when he suddenly called out your name from the bed.

You sprung to your feet, thinking he’s actually hurt but you didn’t notice or that- “Can you... stay with me? P-please?” he asked, disrupting your train of thought. You did expect this, but still felt really shy about that.

Diego is vulnerable right now and does need your help and presence though.

And there wouldn’t be anything you wouldn’t do for him.

“Sure,” and after this simple answer you carefully climbed in next to him covering you both with a blanket and he curled up closer to you, almost immediately falling asleep.

From one point of view it felt like you wouldn’t sleep at all tonight, but from the other one.. you actually fell asleep just as fast as he did.

To nobody’s surprise you woke up first and actually flinched at the sight of sleeping Diego inches from your own face.

Your mind went running with ideas what happened and what’s going on until you realised the real deal and your brain caught up to yesterday’s shenanigans.

It was a wild ride and you were thankful that now it’s - most probably - over.

Your eyes were subconsciously scanning his face, until you realised what you’re doing, but you didn’t stop even then.

You’ve never been this close to his face yet and now you could admire and explore every part of it.

Having feelings for a friend that’s laying in the same bed with you at the moment is really not the healthiest thing that could’ve happened to you, huh..

You actually froze and your heart started racing billion times faster when you realised that you have a weight of his arm around your waist, pulling you closer from his sleep.

He grunted and his nose was now in your hair, shuffling a little to get more comfortable.

You had no idea how to change positions, especially when being held by such a strong arm as his and you got a feeling like Diego might actually wake up just about now, so the best solution that came into your mind was to forcefully close your eyes shut and pretend that you’re still sleeping.

He did, indeed, wake up. You were suddenly pushed to the other side of the bed, arm disappearing from your waist and a waterfall of curses fell from his lips quietly.

You used up all your acting stamina to make a believable scene of you gaining your conscious from the deep slumber that you were obviously in, stretched your arms for a good effect and finally opened your eyes.

You immediately signed up for a staring contest as soon as you looked at him and smiled a little. His face remained unreadable but perhaps a little bit flustered?.. But you may be reading too much into it.

“Hi,” you said with a higher tone than intended and Diego just nodded at that.

You tried your luck by addressing the elephant in the room right away, you never liked ignoring the problems that were always looming over you, “care to tell me what happened yesterday?”

He drew a big sigh and rested his head back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

You couldn’t stop looking at him. At first because you really wanted to know the mystery, but the longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you’re just admiring the beauty that he holds, until his words fell like a dead weight right onto your shoulders.

“I found Eudora’s body yesterday. I couldn’t get to the place in time and someone killed her.”

What?

It felt like what he said was simply a trick of your imagination. You liked Eudora yourself, she was a very intelligent and an interesting person, you two often hung out and that feeling didn’t cease even after you found out that she and Diego started dating.

And even when they broke up some months after, you still found your way to spend time with her. So did Diego.

You wanted to cry, but thought that it might be insensitive towards him, because he was much closer to her than you were, so you tried to swallow your forming tears down.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Diego..”

“It’s your loss too, I know it, y/n,” he looked at you with much softer look this time.

“Come here,” he said a little bit hesitantly and opened up one arm towards you.

This was unusual, but maybe last night’s events tore down some walls?.. Who knows.

You almost threw yourself into his embrace and once your forehead rested on his chest, you started crying.

From everything, honestly. There’s been problems at work, your seemingly unrequited feelings for Diego didn’t help much either and now you learned that you lost one of your friends.

He started rubbing circles on your back, just letting you get those emotions out, while you two were hugging each other on the bed in your apartment.

And as you slowly started to calm down, he said a gentle, “it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay”

#diego x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #tua diego #diego reader insert #the umbrella academy #tua fanfic #umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves #number two

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queerlyhalloween · 3 years

Text

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

#tw suicide mention #child abuse #homophobia #transphobia #ablesim #racism #*muffled screaming*#im shit at tagging sorry if i missed anything but im out i think

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inspiringwhilerespiring · 4 years

Text

Get to know me?

Yoooo - yall remember Myspace, and people would blog survey posts lol. Well thats me, I’m people. And I just wanna write my lil heart out and avoid all of my real life responsibilities. So found a lil questionnaire thing and I’m gonna fill it out. Also lowkey like doing this every so often so I can look back on it and reflect and see how much I may have grown/changed/shifted viewzzz ya feel? :)

Sooo here yall go <3

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My neice maybe?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

People who know me would tell me to put outgoing, but I honestly feel shy on the inside, so it just depends.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Literally anyone lmao fuck this quarantine

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Definitely

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Lets hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind souls <3 always notice how they talk to their friends and family, but even people they don’t know like servers or janitors, etc. that shit matters heavy.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A few homies

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah not really, just depends

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Not sure -it’s been a min since I had a “deep” connection or convo that I can remember - but was probably with my bestie R’Bo

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Google that shit” lmao me, giving advice to my friends

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

TOUGH!!!! After Hours by The Weeknd is up there, Cayendo by Frank Ocean (been jamming his shit HAARD lately) and Inside Friend by Leon Bridges & John Mayer….but also been listening to albums - like Childish’s new album, Floreyyy for lo-fi shit, and also got into 070 Shake recently just to name a few.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCK YA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah budddyy

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Idk, my bday party was lit?? And lots of river floats happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Lol

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Cant deny that there isn’t so yaaa

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Just moved, so don’t know em

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastination lol and biting my nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

Literally ANNNYY-fuckin-WHERE!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Hmm I wanna say generally no, but I also always keep it one hunnnid with myself, and as much as I’d like to say I don’t have any - I think I def have insecurities with myself, that have the potential to become “trust issues” in certain relationships, but overall no. I live by the whole “you have my trust til you fuck it up” mantra

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Coffee in the morning lately, missed it and forgot how energized it makes me - gives me time to wake up and reflect/set daily goals

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Stomach forever :((((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll on my phone, pee usually, or feed my cat lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Tanner maybe?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mom or my best friend R’Bonney - but any of my close friends and fam honestly

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Not directly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Lol ok, so this is always changing…but lately (and by lately I mean the past few years) its been a no. I’m open minded though and am aware that I’m always changing my mind sooo who knows

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeppperoo

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Honestly, those aren’t my “thing” lollike id prob laugh or be awkward or just have to be hellllla drunk - but like I wouldn’t mind Jason Momoa and Tom Hardy tossin me around

33. Spell your name with your chin.

hjaylkee

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Scocer back in the day - actually went and kicked it like a week ago for the first time in YEARSSSS - felt so damn good

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV, music forreeevverrr

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Lol story of my life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

“Soooo” then probably ask a question or some shit lol

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Hmmm…definitely have to be funny/have a good sense of humor. They’d have to be open-minded for sure. Up for trying new things, places, cultures, food, music, etc. Just have an adventurous spirit I guess when it comes to that. Have a good line of communication/openness - and just be able to have a deep/intellectual convo about anything and everything. Bonuses: taller than me, likes cooking, and going to music shows.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Amazon lol I hate shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

To go back to high school :( lmao so much id re-do, cant believe its almost been a decade

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Hell yeah, this is life my dudes, dont take it so seriously - we all fuck up at some point or another

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Something is on my mind for sure, or im just tired lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

DAMNNN WHAT so hard - I guesss if I had to pick, space…just because it’s more rare/harder to do I’d think.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My cat lol with his meowing ass

46. What are you paranoid about?

Lowkey a lot lol

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Who hasn’t????

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

naw

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black probably, like half my wardrobe

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Of course

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My bad habits

56. Favourite colour?

Yelllllow :)

57. Favourite food?

Oh gaaawwd, literally anything - lately: PB&J’s, fries, wings, Mediterranean, Mexican, pickles, ice cream, ramenzzzz

58. Last thing you ate?

Pistachios

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Cofffeeee w creamer

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Idk, not off the top of my head - maybe something back in elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

Yeah lmao

63. Ever been in love?

Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

No its really not that interesting and idc to type it out

65. Are you hungry right now?

24/7/365

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Lol yes a few of them <333

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Noooo

70. Names of your bestfriends?

R’Bonney is number 1

71. Craving something? What?

Foooood, and companionship? Lol

72. What colour are your towels?

Idk, random, mostly blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

A lot lol

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Lol no, but I have my one from my childhood in my room

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

1 - shout out to you Mr.Fluffy

75. Favourite animal?

I am fascinated by sharks; and like gators/crocs. But I have mad respect for elephants, they’re sooo damn smart and beautiful.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Dont have any on

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

BITCHHHH CHOC

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

All of them

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Tie-dye

80. What colour pants?

none

81. Favourite tv show?

Game of Thrones prob

82. Favourite movie?

Avatar or Shawshank Redemption

87. First person you talked to today?

Sissy

88. Last person you talked to today?

Friend on FT

89. Name a person you hate?

No one, maybe Trump? lol

90. Name a person you love?

Everyone, fr fr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Not enough <3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Not enough <3

95. Last movie you watched?

The Decline on Netflix, short lil foreign oil, was deep/interesting

96. Favourite actress?

Not sure-Sandra Bullock? Or Meryl

97. Favourite actor?

Denzel or Morgan Freeman

98. Do you tan a lot?

Nah not anymore honestly

99. Have any pets?

Yessss

100. How are you feeling?

Mediocre

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Im sure

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Lol im nostalgic af, so yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes litttty tittyyy

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably :(

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Hell yeah brother, I’m from TX

108. What should you be doing?

So much shit lol

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I ain’t doing all the shit I should be lol

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yooo yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Prob my sister or my mom?? Lol I cry a lot, idk and idc

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Hayls?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

Back in the day

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Surprisingly, no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Nah, unless maybe if its homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yeah occasionally, more of a Thai food chick or Japanese

119. Favourite book?

Kite Runner

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Low-key sometimes lol

121. Are you mean?

Hell noooo

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Ok, this is an interesting one lol I mean no, it’s not “okay” - since it usually constitutes lying/hiding/hurting someone - BUTTTT, for a lack of a better term - I wanna say it’s “normal”? But thats because I, personally, am on the fence about the concept of monogamy. Like no, I’ve never cheated nor experienced that in return - but the whole concept of monogamy and like that a person can love and only love or be with one person is WILLLLDDD and I can’t help but note that its a social construct that we, as a society, are conditioned to from the time we are born. Idk if that makes sense bc im high af lol but those are my thoughts…like to sum it up - cheating is fucked up and sucks, but at the same time its not all that surprising/shocking anymore, like borderline “normalized” just as divorces are and shit, so I feel like bc biologically we aren’t made to be with one person lol. I don’t condone it tho. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Hell to the naw naw

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hmmm idk about that one, but also can’t deny it

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah of course, you’re talking to a hopeless romantic

126. Are you currently bored?

I guess we could say that

127. What makes you happy?

Food and close, loved ones

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, too much paper work

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer, with my lil moody, sensitive ass

130. Do you like subway?

I did lol

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Story of my mf life lol literally all my exes are “best friends turned lovers” situation, so guess it would just depend lmao

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Lol oh godddd; ok off the top of my head - Tupac - Keep Ya Head Up is what comes to mind; just a timeless song and the lyrics are still relevant/apply to this day and idk just really resonate with the message behind that song <3

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk, but it was probably SO dumb, and told to my parents lol

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Either or, lately open so my cat can go in and out lol

137. How tall are you?

5’6 mayyybeee 5’5 actually lol

140. Summer or Winter?

Fall!!

141. Night or Day?

Def a lil night owl, always have been

142. Favourite month?

April and October for weather at least

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No but I try, and go through phases, I’m definitely mindful the older I get and more focused on my health I become

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

FUCKIN ALLLLL

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee but I like tea too, just seem to drink coffee more regularly

146. Was today a good day?

The grateful-to-just-be-alive in me wants to say yes lol but idk, felt off/unaccomplished and cried a lot, so no.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“This too shall pass”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure why not

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“After all, what he had always wanted was just that: to know new places.” -The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

#survey #about me #haylee #thoughts #mine #questions #ask me anything #ask #lets chat #be my frieeennnddd

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celticheartedfangirl · 4 years

Text

My OUAT Rewatch -- S4E22 and 23 -- Operation Mongoose, Parts 1 & 2

Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive

Bobby looks about as done with this season as I am. I know Michael Socha was done with it -- literally -- but we’ll get to that later.

This is gonna be long. So have a seat, pour yourself a drink or seven, and get ready. I’m not holding back . . . . . .

First of all, I debated about whether I should review this as one or two episodes. I decided to go with one, and will do this going forward with any episodes that have the same title and are part 1,2, 8 million, whatever. Trust me, at times it SEEMED like 8 million.

First thing I want to address is a bunch of fandom wank nonsense that came out of this episode -- namely the idea that RUMPLE wrote the story. Let me make this perfectly clear:

Rumple DID NOT WRITE THIS STORY. Isaac did. Rumple told him what HE, personally, wanted. Isaac took it from there. Rumple didn’t write Isaac as a famous douchebag author, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have given fucking ZELENA a wedding in the story, he’d have killed her off in a painful but well-deserved death. Ditto Hook. So if you still actually think Rumple wrote this story, my recommendation to you is that you back out of this post now. And you should probably stay off my blog in general. Because frankly, I think you are wrong and stupid and we are not compatible in any way. Got it?

Looking at YOU, some RUMBELLE FANS who actually did this shit:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118193570842/i-am-stunned-to-see-some-rumbelle-fans-bitching

Okay, so there’s THAT. Next . . .

So this episode was A&E’s attempt at META. And frankly, they SUCK at it. It didn’t come off as funny, it came off as making fun of the fans. No spoilers, ha ha ha . . . . . . . for those not in the know, back when the show was airing, Adam’s go to answer to fans on Twitter was #nospoilers. So the whole Isaac so thing was basically a dig at the FANS.

So there’s THAT.

The entertainment media was shitting all over Rumbelle before the finale, which pissed me off enough to make this post:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118484723732/when-and-why-exactly-did-rumbelle-become-the

And this comment:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118467157702/ouat-finale-your-burning-relationship-questions

And then there’s THIS:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118658755342/omg-ae-dig-the-knife-in-why-dont-you

Yes, in case you weren’t clear, dead is DEAD (we’ll revisit this thought in S5), Neal ain’t coming back, suck on it all of you who don’t like that! Love, Adam and Eddy.

Also, in other bullshit news, regarding who taught Henry to sail a ship:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118655893997/henry-no-your-father-taught-you-that

And THIS:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/118660507567/what-the-fuck-they-left-rumple-on-the-floor-but

Revisiting May 2015 me is making current me stabby. And I haven’t even mentioned the entire town of dumbasses herp-derping around and partying at Granny’s while Rumple is dying and could be a meat suit for the ultimate evil of all evils any second now. Morons.

Let’s talk about the stuff I DID enjoy . . . .

Evil Snow was a riot!

Bandit!Regina was fantastic.

And this guy:

Gotta love Knight!Rumple!

Also, I will admit . . . . . Hook was more useful in useless mode in the AU than he’s ever been in Hook mode outside of the AU. Does that make sense?

So there’s all of that. Overall this 2-part thing was part good stuff, mostly hot mess, and a lot of middle fingers waved to the fans from the writers. But tally comes later. NOW is the time to address the Michael Socha issue:

Right about now, dearie. Will Scarlett is gone. You will never see him or hear about him again.

(Side note: Made an error in my last review. I honestly did not remember AT ALL that we saw Lily again in this episode, both in person form or in dragon form. Which tells you how much of an impression that made on me. Anyhoo, my bad. I goofed. NOW she’s gone for good.)

So what was the deal with Will Scarlett anyway?

Well . . . . nobody knows. We’ll probably NEVER know. You see, Will Scarlett was one of the breakout characters from the spinoff Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, and when that got canceled, someone -- really not sure who -- thought it’d be an awesome idea to plunk him onto OUAT.

There were many schools of thought on this, the primary one being that ABC wanted him for something and wanted to keep him on contract. That was 2014. I’m typing this in 2020, and there’s still no Michael Socha show on ABC. So that was a load of horse shit -- or else Socha told ABC to fuck off and hightailed it back to England. My money is on the latter.

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/115784240042/honest-question-why-did-they-bring-will-onto

But the issue isn’t even that they didn’t do fuck-all with Socha -- it’s the LIES that these assholes (they being A&E) told. So here’s where my receipts come in. You ready? Got your popcorn?

First of all there’s this lovely article -- Will is mentioned by all of it is just glorious in general:

https://oncecrazy.tumblr.com/post/118843079631/the-26-things-the-castwriters-promised-would

What is so HIGHlarious about all of this is that almost all of the articles that existed about the whole Will Scarlett thing -- no longer EXIST!

The highlight is Zap2it -- which is a now defunct fan site that A&E liked to go prattle to.

So Frick and Frack promised us we’d find out how Belle & Will got together. I have this:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/424464333605771793/#

And I have this:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/113163777872/once-upon-a-time-belle-and-the-knave-are-a-new

I also have a bunch of people I KNOW can confirm they saw this interview full of bullshit before it got erased. Please show yourselves!

But fear not -- I have an ACTUAL receipt from Mr. Socha himself:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/140658788782/apparently-michael-socha-got-screwed-over-by-ouat

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/140624375357/hes-a-good-bloke-i-saw-him-at-the-comic-con

I’m grateful someone had the idea to type it out, because sadly the link to that article was DELETED, which makes me think Socha got in trouble for that interview. Because shortly after that, a more watered down interview with him was posted in its place and THAT is still up:

https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/ustv/a785951/michael-socha-confirms-once-upon-a-time-exit/

Interesting, no?

Whatever the case -- Socha got royally fucked over by OUAT, for no good reason. His character was a plot device. What a waste and what an insult to the man who just wanted to work. Fuck these assholes.

So anyhow, there are the receipts, and we are now at the end of the clusterfuck that was Season 4.

Speaking of clusterfucks . . . . onward to Season 5.

Lord, give me strength . . . . .

Points tally:

40 points to start

10 points for Rumbelle kiss

10 points for Rumbelle hug

5 points for Swan Queen

3 points for Papafire, at least it got mentioned

5 points for Belle in character

5 points for Rumple in character

5 points deducted for Hook

5 points deducted for Zelena

I really can’t justify adding or deducting anything bonus. Just get me out of this season, please and thank you.

Total points: 68

Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!

#celtichearted ouat ranking #operation mongoose #anti hook #anti zelena #anti ouat writers #ouat criticism

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sometimesrosy · 4 years

Note

there are 16 episodes left and one of them will be about spin off, how are 15 episodes enough for bellarke story to be resolved? b/cho is still on and i'm afraid an off screen break up is off the table too. i do believe bellarke is in love but i don't see how the most important dynamic and will they won't they ship can get a satisfying resolution in 15 episodes :/

You think they can’t tell a story in a whole season.

Because they haven’t been able to tell stories in any of the other seasons?

You think you know how they will and/or can’t do it.

Because...you... are following the story we’ve been getting and how far along it is and how they’ve developed various storylines to head into multiple closures as they have given closure to past storylines?

I don’t think you are following the stories or you’d see that they’re already developing the b/e break up and have been for two seasons, or basically since they introduced them.

I don’t think you understand me when I talk about storylines or arcs or narrative development or story structure. Are these terms you don’t understand? Do you think I’m making them up because I’m delusional or kissing JR’s ass or something, both things I have been accused of, a lot, and which make no sense, because basic literary interpretation is not a delusion, it’s a discipline of understanding stories. And it’s, like, way old. And you study it in school. EVERYONE studies it in school. And I’m not kissing JR’s ass. I don’t know him. I have no contact with him. I don’t tweet him. He doesn’t know me. I just happen to like the show because the story makes sense to me and it hits my buttons and I think he tells it well. And I try to explain what I see that he’s doing instead of saying he’s out to get me and doesn’t know how to write. I don’t think he’s out to get bellarke fans (I actually think he’s a bellarke fan) and I think he DOES know how to write a good tv show.

But if you can’t follow that the narrative is telling this story, actively, in the process of it, and it is doing it ON PURPOSE, and all these parallels and call backs are a sign that they are telling an INTEGRATED story that goes all the way back to the beginning and will wrap up with the series finale, then I don’t know what to tell you.

Because it is all currently happening in the story that we already have. This isn’t something that’s going to start in 7.01 and finish in 7.16.

This is something that has ALREADY STARTED and depending upon the storyline you’re talking about, it’s been working for anywhere from 6 seasons to 1 season already.

I really don’t care about your (or fandom in general’s) fears anymore. Because as far as I can tell, your fears are existing only in your head and in the fandom hot takes and are not seen in the canon. The canon is telling the story. It’s RIGHT there. Already. I don’t know why you don’t see it. It glaringly obvious.

How do YOU know the backdoor pilot is not going to move the bellarke story forward? Who told you that? Do you think they can’t tell backstory or a new story without telling OUR story? They did in Thirteen when we learned about Becca and the end of the world. In fact, it neatly wrapped up a lot of confusion and moved us forward into the next 4 seasons. Y’all have decided bellarke won’t be in that episode because of the spinoff, and to me, I interpreted it as HOT DAMN THEY’RE GONNA TIME TRAVEL. SO I’m not sure they won’t be there. We’ve got them filming at a yellow farmhouse, nonster. For more than one episode. If I were to guess, I’d say it’s Diyoza’s father’s house. Where she went to hide and got caught.

Why do you guys focus so much on doom and gloom and how you’re afraid you won’t get what you want?

Why don’t you ever pay attention to the possibilities that you might enjoy the show??? That this Bellarke story might be wrapped up in an epic, romantic, beautiful way that will kill us all dead because it’s so great?

Why do you have to be such a downer?

And why do you have to send your negativity to me, when I LIKE the show. I LIKE the way it’s going. I think JR is a GOOD writer. I am pretty pumped about the direction of Bellarke. And I have no desire to be “arrogant” or “condescending” because I think my interpretation is right and yours is wrong. I really dont’ care about your interpretation, tbh. That’s why I don’t have conversatiosn wth people on their blogs about them. I also don’t want to take on your anxieties. I don’t agree with you and I’m not entertaining theories that I see no base for.

Come on now.

If you like the show, let yourself enjoy it. If you don’t like the show, ditch it. If you’re afraid you won’t get what you want, then grow up, because you’re not a toddler and the world isn’t designed to please you. It’s a tv show, not your life. And I’m not your mom who’s gonna make it okay and give you a gold star.

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shadowturtlesstuff · 4 years

Text

again but better thoughts while reading

@polandbananas20

so my spelling is terrible in this but you know i was more focused on the book than how to spell.

Chapter 1) good intro and good starting tone. The lady next to her sucks. Good small establishment of shane.

chapter2)shane characterisation is still consistent. I like her two new roommates (will be best friends) . My guess is the boy in the kitchen will be pilot. Family means but not intentional. Has no confidence. I was right about the boy

Chapter 3) intro of pilot properly. He's good. I love the inner monologue of shane. Trying to keep eye contact, the surprise of having a normal conversation. It sets her character well. Intro to her blog which i would love to actually read (i hope there's at least one entry we can read) pilot is a musician but not. Business major. What crap.

Chapter 4) i really feel like shane, she is just typical fangirl/ dork and i love it. Its weird being english and reading about the things that shock them like pasta in bags.i understand the watermelon.we do get to read ‘shanes writing’ but its her personal jornal not her blog.

Chapter 5) fun chapter. Intro to rome. Love the idea that shane is heavy handed and violent. Short, not alot happened other than small character establishment.

Chapter 6)intro to creative writing class which i want/need in my life.more beatles. Woman on plane works at starbucks, will she make more appearances?

Chapter 7) the drama???or at least wht will be the drama. Pilot has a gf, called amy (wish it was me) (wait no, bc i know that plot doesnt actually like amy anymore bc he obviously likes shane. So i take it back. I want to be shane, i mean i basically am like her but oh well.)

Chapter 8) parents. Overprotective, think they know best. Urgh. guarantee one of shanes new friends fight back to her parents to support her life choices, that do not include doctor.

Chapter 9)gets an internship at travel mag company. Thats it…..

Chapter 10)rome. Looses purse. Pilot to the anxiety riddled rescue by telling his own life story about his wallet to help calm her nerves.distracts her. Basially he would do anything for shane already.re count of rome trip from her jornal again which is a good touch to further the plot. This is making me want to read dan brown (ish) all of two books i own of him

Chapter 11) the postcards are a nice touch that i hope someone reads???? Travel buddies..just saying.chad..hmmm,im like shane,well see if he is good enough for babe. Her GODDAM stupdi mean cousins being mean on her facebook, and babe seeing (best friend moment) about pilot and the whole teasing about having a boyfriend.

Chapter 12) he didnt see (but i think he did but istn sayin anything) paris i shappening. Babe is bff confirmed and i want her as my friend

Chapter 13)angry birds addiction starts. Level three, weak, shoulder touching it romance confirmed.awwww pilot 100% waited to sleep so he could see shane safe in bed

Chapter 14) pilot with a french accent, enough said. The flirtinggggg. The plane woman is back??in paris with them????

Chapter 15)pilots choices of the back in time thing are both wit shane. Its so obvious and i love it. Pilot as a fake fangirl about the eiffel tower. More flirting,kind of. Oh god chad no.he did it. Goddammit.nooo he wull run babe and shanes friendship and maybe her and pilot. ‘Assbucket’ indeed. Her an pilot are fine and i really believe her and babe will be because when she nearly gets robbed babe giver her a sympathetic smile. Not much to go on but i have hope.

Chapter 16)okay so, fav chapter, she finally spills her guts that she has anxiety basically, that she is premed with strict parents and this is scary whilst pilots lies in bed with her to relax her bc he heard her crying. He only ecoureges her slightly before going back to his bed and sleeping. My heart, i swear, soon the roles reverse and pilot will say why he is in london and all that.

Chapter 17)babe and shane bffs confired. Chad is the worst confirmed. Of course it wasnt break up call. Of course she wants to vist. Of course pilot is to cowardly to break up and just accepts them going to paris together. Of freaking course.

Chapter 18) do not get over pilot, it wont work. Rugby guy nooooo!im team pilot how dare you kiss shane! Wow, city of glass mention. I want to make a list of every bookmentioned.

Chapter 19) pilot is not himself (obviouls) shane is worried. She is still lying to her parents an feeling bad about. Rugby guy is thankfully a no go. Pilot finds out about the kiss and guy and is clearly silently jealous.

Chapter 20)aww shane! Im sorry pilot sucks currently. And a stupid guys trip with flat four. No. and devil chairs.

Chapter 21)1)love the book talk. The loneliness is kicking in, pilot man up for gods sake

Chapter 22)this red-head plain weirdo is back and going through her list like some sort of mentore. Omg!!! No. amy is here, i dont hatte her but can she not. Also, her dad…. No! (this is the stand up moment i was on about, i hope)

Chapter 23) i do not like her dad. At all. Nooo shane...no. they found out. And acted like assholes.

Chapter 24) n1!ahhhh no! Amy has her notebook. The end is nigh.im going to cry i feel like shane.

Chapter 25) the family dinner-family outing. Niether of them manuped and shane is depressed

Chapter 26)back in america. Still hasn’t told pilot but you know it is a slow burn

Chapter 27) I, wait? Marry, some guy? Like no. I know it’s been what six years but no. I refuse.i don’t like this so called Melvin. It’s okay she doesn’t want to marry him. She goes to see pilot and finally mans up and tells him and asks if she made it and and pilot finally man’s up and tells her no she didn’t. They get stuck in an elevator

Chapter 28) the elevators doing something. Shane wants to re do London cuz she hates life

Chapter 1?) they are both back in London? Both having the same what ever is happening?

Chapter 2) omg. Plane lady took them back to staRt over and pilots mad about it (obv)

Chapter 3)so… they got mad but started over and I’m excited. 100%they won’t press the restart button. I’m calling it now. Cuz pilot knows he now has a chance to do the what if’s/

Chapter 4) they keep there distance but we all know it won’t last

Chapter 5) tipsy Shane? Shawarma

Chapter 6) babe thinksthere is something going on with them( again)

Chapter7)the story about fake pilot, and the kiss. Ahhhhhhg

Chapter 8)they found the button. Shane doesn’t want to go back. I do t want them to go back. They don’t go back thank god

Chapter 9) da Vinci code flirting somehow.. Shane tells him it won’t happen u less he breaks up with last Amy.

Chapter 10) he will break up with Amy and laris is gonna happen.

Chapter 11) so Shane is happy again, pilot broke up with amy. Shane tried to make peace with the devil chair.

Chapter 11) they are so adorable. Aswwwwewhwhehruysnwjw

Chapter 12) Uwuwnfhueia we get more Shane and pilot flirting,

Chapter 13) the opposite game is adorable. I like that they get to be themselves together without the awkwardness. The start of the move game. Thats my fav.

Chapter 14) they still have the angry birds obssesion but unlike me and supercard they know when to stop.the dance ‘move’ ahh i love. The line ‘but you do.’ just shows how much they know each other and how pilot would do anything to make her smile. And the lost move (not really a move but totally a move.) once again proves their love. Also we had that plot moment where he talks about why h chose to go to london. I adore shanes rant (?) about the things she loves. And then pilot doing the same thing. Shane vs chair is my life, like i battle chairs too.

Chapter 15) what is tfios? Ooohhh. Fault in our stars. (i googled it)i probably shouldve known by the whole always part. The dance move came back to bite pilot in the ass and now they are dancing together. Ew chad. Yes shane! That is what chad deserves.

Chapter 16) they get intimate and gigly and happy and aaaawwwhww

Chapter 17) im glad shane still rememebers to be friends with babe and not forget her in her lovestick state currently.

Chapter 18) her postcard….the questions that haunt her so much. Sort of accepting them herself too. She finally got to do wrecking ball, they miss internship , oh no…. Start if a downall??

Chapter 19) shane and pilot have fallen HARD

Chapter 20) the article is off the table. Amy is there. What the hell. No. omg pilot no, you moron. THEY BROKE UP!!! Which is fair, a break is needed. They both get back on track and then try and find a balance. Hopefully. Oh her laptop….shit...the feels when all your work is just gone. Tries to reset bc she is so depressed bc she thinks she failed again.

Chapter 21) she cant go back (thankfully) a bookstore is always a good haven to go to when your breaking down.

Chapter 22)the redemtion (?) time to try and fix everything and get back on track.the determination and the readiness to try and make everything better for herswelf, herself, and no one else is good. She makes friends with the people in her office and works harder than befire, try to get herself out of her comfort zone and experience things

Chapter 23) the confrontation with her parents. Oh god. I hope this goes well. Its going as well as it can go. Im happy shane is sticking up for her dream so she can be happy, uugh the whole dad speech of ‘i do everything for you, i know best because im older,’ i hate it. Ooohh she is making up with leo, talking ot him this time. Im happy. Leo is gay. Cool. i hate how he got broken up with becuase of his stupid family, it sucks. ‘There is no normal.’ perfect words.

Chapter 24) her thing is in the thing!!!( also good job me with words.) her article got published (there we go)this is where she learns she can be with pilot and be successful because tracy is with a famous author and they make it work with harder schedules. Trys to talk to her parents. This time she will make there relationship work.

Chapter 25)urgh ‘you live under my roof,on my dime…’ blah blah blah. We hate controlling parents that dont see that overprotecting and controlling their childs life does more damage than good. Babe suggest self discovery trip. Babe is a grat friends.

Chapter 26)the button thing will work…’im mad at pilot. Or am i mad at me.’ she cracked the code. She loathed herself because of her fear of failing, but because this time she worked on herself to make herself happy she no longer hates herself. Yet she still feels the same (ish) feeling that even though she worked harder and got further that she has no summer job when she gets back to the states, her parents still wont allow her choice of work.PILOTS BACK!!!!!!! She was about to press the button and he swooped in with his music.

Chapter 27) he still follows her blog and got help from babe. His speech, finished with lamppost. Where can i get a pilot?he uploaded their song. Working through the divorce thing again but it will be better because he has shane to talk to about it. Ahhh she got a job!!! Happy ending!!! My heart!!!eeeee…

epilogoue) she becomes a successful author. Her parents have accepted her and support her. Pilots a musician. He takes her to the weird plane lady and they gobe the locket back, then he makes the ultimate move. With pictures of where they fell in love he uses the beatles russain doll things to hide a ring and when she finds it she obviously says yes. And that its unfair cuz she cant top that move.

sooo...thats it.

i really enjoyed this book. i cannot wait for her next book. this post is longwinded i apologize but oh well? again i will link my website and review as soon as its done. so far in about five hours all i have is a paragraph so it may not be as soon as i want it to be

#again but better #polandbananasbooks #frenchwatermelonnineteen #shane #pilot #shane and pilot

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zimvasion · 5 years

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I honestly want to know everything about your OC but I'm scared to charge into your messages and ask.

[ AWW ANON im honestly absolutely delighted that you asked! thank u so much for being interested!! but you..may regret it! dfgsdhfj im gonna go ahead and slap this under a nice lil read more so those who don’t want a wall of text can keep on scrollin

FIRST of all imma preface this by mentioning this particular OC has developed way beyond being an invader zim fan character and actually has her own lore and backstory and like world that i made up myself but im here 2 talk about an alternate universe in which she exists in the zim universe!

SECOND of all..her name is GB and like yes. i know. but also i made her when i was literally a child of like..10/11 years of age so pls dont bully me sdgfhsdjf i say this so that when i mention her name u guys dont think im referring to mySELF

OK NOW LETS GET TO IT here’s what I had in mind for her

GB is a shapeshifter; a being that can change her physical appearance to literally anything else, including having the ability to copy other peoples appearances. for example she could take one look at someone else and then shift to look exactly like them. most of the time she appears as a human, cause that’s whats safest and also their ‘default’ form.

She lived in a clan in the woods with other shapeshifters who were hiding from humans. Her mother was the leader of the aforementioned clan, but she passed away during childbirth. Thus, when GB was old enough to become the leader (which was actually sort of young) the position was passed on to her. Having a total lack of direction (not really being raised by any sort of proper parents,) coupled with just being young was a bad combination, though, and the power easily went to her head. She wasn’t cruel to her people, just more or less annoying, bossy, and destructive with her decisions.

Eventually though it was enough for everyone to get sick of her SO her clan came up with an elaborate lie that the humans were going to tear down the forest that they lived in, and they told her that they all needed to leave by a certain date. But they all left a day early, and (purposefully) left behind one important thing..her. Not one of them ever came back.

Convinced that humans were behind this, GB set out to search far and wide for her people. She lived off the street, using her powers to manipulate people into giving her a place to stay or food to eat, surviving on the bare minimum, completely convinced that one day she would come across at least one person like her. She lived like this for years, desperately searching for her clan that just wanted rid of her all on her own..when she came across something curious.

A little green dog ran up to her, screeching about how his ‘master’ needed help. GIR leads her to Zim, who became injured somehow and was laying unconscious on the sidewalk. GB lies and claims to have medical experience and agrees to help him–secretly it’s only because she plans on robbing his house while he’s knocked tf out. She grabs Zim and GIR leads them to the base.

Unfortunately Zim wakes up as soon as she enters the base, ruining her plans to rob him. As you can imagine, Zim freaks out because there’s a human seeing him undisguised in the base. GB freaks out because she’s face to face with an alien. Zim plans to erase her memory or ‘dispose’ of her another way, but in a moment of desperation GB reveals she isn’t human. Zim is intrigued. The two make a deal–GB will give Zim information about humans and also do his bidding for him while disguised as a human, if Zim will provide her with a roof over her head. Secretly, they are both against each other–Zim plans on betraying her and using her as an experiment in order to harness her powers after he’s done with her, and GB wants to kill him and use his technology to take over humanity as revenge and maybe even find her clan in the process.

Things work out for a while. GB does his bidding as promised (stealing things from stores by shapeshifting or pretending to be a human, giving him “information” about humans, kidnapping people/animals for experiments or plans, literally whatever he asks) and Zim lends her an extra storage closet as a room. Behind each other’s backs, they’re both plotting the moment that they plan to betray each other. Wanting rid of Zim for good this time, the Tallests send him a new ship and a ‘secret mission’ to a dangerous planet. The crew go on this mission together and as soon as they arrive at their coordinates, the ship ‘mysteriously’ breaks down. GIR and Minimoose end up damaged in the crash and GB and Zim are left to find another way home.

Blah blah they end up saving their lives and somehow make it back to Earth, idek the details kinda get fuzzy here but my idea was they end up tolerating each other after the traumatic event/becoming friends. They just sort of keep putting off their plans to kill each other until, after a while, neither could imagine doing such a thing. GB is totally happy being his sidekick and sharing a mutual hatred of humans, doting on her new friend at all times (even tho Zim claims to still hate her).

THAT GOT SO LONG IM SO SORRY BUT thank u for letting me ramble about it for a minute! will i ever make her a blog? probs not! but its fun to think about these sort of things and share my ideas!! OH and also never be afraid omg i 100% guarantee that im more intimidated by you than you are of me!! ]

#[ ☡ ] ↳ INCOMING TRANSMISSION ↲ 《 anonymous. 》✧#[ ☡ ] ↳ OUT OF DISGUISE ↲ 《 ooc. 》✧#[ ☡ ] ↳ BEYOND THE STARS ↲ 《 ooc answer. 》✧#[if you actually read this..thank you i am genuinely honored]#[now back 2 our regular programming]

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britneyshakespeare · 5 years

Text

thanks nancy @pavlovers for tagging me 💖✨🤧 now i get to talk to myself which is my favorite thing ever

rules– answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better

nickname(s): a couple, but i wish i had more epithets. the mysterious one. (the bi ace poetess)

zodiac sign: i blow in my tissue more personal information than this

height: 5′7

last movie I saw: uh i dont know but i got a bad movie night coming up w a bunch of my new College Friends (i became cool recently but only w a bunch of white improv guys so it’s... small prize i guess) and we’re gonna watch the room and a bunch of other shitfests like that. it’ll be. fun. two of them own matching tommy wiseau boxers. i hate to say it but i looked it up after and

they’re kinda stylish.

last thing I googled: well, now it’s tommy wiseau boxers.

favourite musician: 💖💗💕💞💞✨ MARiANNE ✨💞💞💕💗💖 FAITHFULL 🐇🌸🌷😘😍😸 BARONESS VON SACHER-MASOCH 😸😍😘🌷🌸🐇

song stuck in my head: i was talking to kaily in the car on the way to barnes & noble, and i said something about DNCE’s cover of Do Ya Think I’m Sexy with Rod Stewart, and then when i was waiting in line to pay, it came on in the store. DNCE’s cover of Do Ya Think I’m Sexy with Rod Stewart.

other blogs: follow @creatediana if you want my body and if you think i’m sexy (come on sugar tell me so)

following: 839

followers: 2885

do I get asks: yeah a little. little asks. very small ones.

amount of sleep: certainly enough

lucky numbers: i almost bought paradise lost by john milton when i was in barnes & noble and i was really tempted to, because i’m an early-modern english slut, but i’ve been in the middle of the knight’s tale (from chaucer’s canterbury tales) for weeks now in between a bunch of other reads. but you know, paradise lost is comparable to canterbury tales, because they’re both long english poems. but i’m rereading frankenstein by mary shelley for the first time since i was a SOPHOMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL (which references paradise lost and it’s quite thematically significant), and it’s really fascinating. and i haven’t read paradise lost in full, i feel like i HAVE to do that at some point. no, i don’t feel like it, i KNOW it. i do have to read milton. perhaps after i read more of the complete poems of alexander pope i got for christmas, i’m still in the pastorals, but really, i have so many volumes of poetry. most of which are cracked, because, like, no one just sits down and reads an entire volume of poetry in a couple of days like it’s a novel. yuck. no. you let it sit. i’ve been reading the complete poems of w. b. yeats for at least like a year and a half (serially. i’ve read random pieces here and there since 2016ish). and i like letting a poet’s works be a slow burn. but then again, most of my volumes ARE complete works. such as yeats, pope, rossetti, anne sexton. and others are collected but not complete, just highlights, like shelley, plath, tennyson. truly i don’t own many volumes which were meant to be read all together at once, which were published purposefully together and written in accord. but i do have canterbury tales, and the knight’s tale, that’s an especially long tale. it’s like, 2000+ lines. i can’t even tell you how many i’ve read. i started it as something i’d read between classes at college but i just finished finals on friday and don’t go back till september. and whenever i told myself i’d read something at school i typically didn’t, because when i have a free moment at school to really dig into a nice long-form reading, i’d just rather write something myself. i need to finish the knight’s tale before long, though, so i don’t forget everything about palamon and arcite and emily. i’m so silly for thinking i should’ve bought paradise lost. i’m so silly! i haven’t even finished canterbury tales. no, diana, you can buy paradise lost another day.

(what i did buy was two volumes of maya angelou & margaret atwood because i was feeling very modern poetry & very feminist. i prioritize Lady Literature always, i tell myself whenever i buy books that it’d be a disgrace if i put ALL of my money towards men—yuck!)

what I’m wearing: oh it’s a total Teacher Outfit.

dream job: siren perhaps. poet. unrealistically wealthy teacher. enjoyable and electrifying widow who lives in a big house w a private library and has regular wine and cheese tastings on the second floor, mingling with a bunch of intellectuals and dilettantes, all of whom have at least mild disregard for each other but come for the appearance of being a member of High Society.

dream trip: i don’t think much about visiting PLACES so much as EVENTS. i always think it’d be much better to travel through time than space. if i could take a vacation into, say, early victorian england and hang out w the bronte sisters. or if i could mingle amongst the preraphaelites and pose for rossetti or waterhouse. pop into the 60s and fiddle around a melody on some exotic instruments with brian jones. those kinds of fantasies amuse me more than going to just, places. patches of dirt. i don’t like dirt, i like art and people.

favourite food: i eat more chocolate than anything else. that’s barely an exaggeration.

instruments played: haven’t played much of anything in awhile, but i’m trained in guitar.

languages: english is the only language i feel so privileged as to say i can speak and write comfortably, but i can read/understand varying levels of spanish, french, latin.

favourite songs: poem 16 by catullus

just a little taste.

no actually that reminds me awhile ago i found some guy who made a bunch of catullus lines into a bad rap song and i love it.

random fact: my dogs are very very good & i love them.

aesthetic: i’m standing on a sidewalk i see w my eyeball watchin all these couples pass me by like that’s what i want china (that’s me) why did you break away like taiwan thinkin bout you every night like sleepin w the lights on

kay i’ll tag some buddies now whom i love @laurenthelyricist @sneez @bohemian-brian @captainweirdboots @mylittlehappy and you know. anyone else who sees this & wants to do it. just tag me i’ll be happy. :-)

#this ended up being more chaotic than expected #tag

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softscottlang · 6 years

Text

Fake Love (H.O.)

[Haz x Reader]

Warning: Heart break and mentions of sex.

Summary: After months of being together, you start to notice signs that things aren’t working like they should.

A/N: Hi, this hurt me to write

Word Count: 1.7k

To- Hazz!

Hey! I know you’ve been busy the past few weeks, but I was wondering if you wanted to hangout today!

You sent Haz, your boyfriend of seven months, a text as you waited anxiously for him to reply. He was always busy, always doing something with Tom and the rest of his friends. You were proud of him, don’t get me wrong, but you wanted to hold your boyfriend. You wanted to listen to him, but he was always busy.

You constantly were trying to come in contact with him, but he never seemed to have time for you anymore. You walked around your small downtown L.A. apartment room until you heard your ringer go off, signaling that you got a notification. Haz had tweeted something, but he hadn’t answered your text. You felt your heart drop a little, your eyebrows drooped, and your smile disappeared.

@hazosterfield

Hanging with the boys on my day off is my favorite pass time, not even gonna lie.

That was your breaking point. You had put up with his antics for long enough, he was pulling your heart in every possible direction, but he didn’t care. It seemed like he never cared anymore. He never cared about how you were, how your day was, what you were crying about, how school was making you depressed. He just didn’t care. So why should you?

You went to your bathroom, you changed into a cute outfit that flattered your body, seeing as it was a warm day. You did your usual makeup with a little bit more highlighter, you knew Haz liked it when you had a good highlight. You had to fight the urge to cry as you did your hair, even though you felt numb to everything, your eyes were still watering nonstop. The tears caused you to mess up many times, causing you to take longer than you wanted.

Once you were done, you headed out the door to the boys’ apartment. If they weren’t there, you were going to find a way to hunt them down. You were tired of the games Haz was playing with you. He was making you feel like an awful person, like you did something wrong every second of everyday. You were behind the wheel when you had to pull over to the side of the road. You felt the numbness wash away, all that was left was the pain and betrayal that you were overcome with.

Your body started to ache and shake. No matter how hard you willed yourself not to, you bursted into tears, hitting your steering wheel repeatedly. Your heart was heavy with sorrow, your mind was filled with thoughts of unworthiness. It was obvious that you guys were falling apart but somehow along the way, you had pushed those thoughts deep down and repressed them. But suddenly they were all popping up.

He would always rush off to something else whenever you both were hanging out.

He hadn’t said he loved you in three weeks.

He told fans he was single

He would send almost all of your calls to voicemail.

He wouldn’t kiss you on the lips after he came back from New York.

You were distraught. How had you just let these signs slip past you? How could you be so stupid, you were only hurting yourself by not acknowledging the red flags. You felt so insignificant in his life, all the times in the past where he would treat you like you were his world were proved to be false. He didn’t care, he was using you. You felt the sadness boil into a raging anger. You quickly flipped the car into drive and continued on to the boys’ apartment, wiping at the running mascara under your eye. Even if this might be your last talk with Haz, you felt the need to look presentable.

As you pulled into the driveway of the house, you opened your overhead visor and flipped the cover of the mirror open. You parked the car and double checked your face. Once you were satisfied with how you looked, you opened your car door.

As you pulled yourself to your feet, you felt the anxiety start to creep in. You wanted to crawl back into your small car and stay there until you died, but you knew that wasn’t an option, you had to go meet the serpent head on. You had to force yourself towards the door, with each step you felt more and more light headed from the anticipation.

As you placed both feet in front of the door, you had to take a deep breath to calm yourself. It didn’t work, not the first time, not the second time nor the fifth nor the eighth, but you raised your hand toward the fairly large door. You had to will yourself to knock because your heart was telling you not to. That Haz was just being weird, but your mind knew that those thoughts were wrong.

“Y/N, Haz said you were out of town!” you heard your best friend say from behind you. You turned to see Sam Holland standing there. You and Sam had been best friends since you started dating Haz, lately he was more your boyfriend then your actual boyfriend was. You wanted to stay and chat but you had to find your so called boyfriend.

“Oh, well have you seen him by any chance?” You asked trying to be as nonchalant as possible. You were sure that Sam could see right through you but you tried to keep your composure. Sam replied, telling you that he was in the living room but not before giving you a sad smile. You tried your best to give him a real one back but your heart was too heavy to even try.

You walked through the front door and headed straight for the den, you saw Haz sitting on the couch with his back to you. He had his phone in his hand, you stood there watching him. He texted at least three people and continuously scrolled past your thread. Your heart somehow sank even further than it did before and you didn’t know that that was possible.

“wow.” That was all you could manage before the tears started to fill into the rim of your eyes. You knew that they would start spilling over as soon as he started speaking, no matter how much you prayed that it wouldn’t. He turned around and made eye contact with you.

What bothered you the most wasn’t that he hadn’t said anything yet, but that he looked disappointed to see you.

“What are you doing here Y/N?” He said in a low voice, making to shiver with memories. He wasn’t mad, he just wasn’t happy. And that hurt the most.

“we need to talk,” you started, you didn’t want to have to say this to him but it was necessary for the better of your sanity. “Do you still love me?” The question spilt past your lips before you could even process what you were saying.

When the questioned was followed by silence, you took that as your answer. You felt your heart bend and snap in half. Your breath, which you didn’t know you were holding, slipped between your lips, causing your chest to cave in. You were having difficulty breathing but that didn’t stop you from crying.

“Did you ever love me?” You said in a hushed toned, you were almost uncertain that he had heard you but he nodded his head in reply. Meaning that he could hear you, he took a step closer so that you were only a foot and a half apart.

“I did love you,” His sad eyes gleamed in the light. Even though he had broken your heart, he still made it race just by being by you. “But that was in the past and I think we need to move on.”

“How long has it been?” You needed to know, you need to know when it all went wrong. You needed to know what you did to make him stop loving you.

“Has it been since what?” He asked with his boyish wonder. You wanted to slap him but at the same time you wanted to cuddle him. To have him hold you and tell you that it was all a lie, that this never happened. That he was only joking.

“Since you loved me.” He looked at the ground, obviously embarrassed, meaning this was going to crush your soul more than it already was.

“Two months.” He said quietly. You felt your heart disintegrate. If he didn’t love you two months ago, then that meant he didn’t love you when you celebrated your six-month anniversary. That was the day you finally gave yourself to him, but he didn’t love you then. And he surely didn’t love you now.

“Oh.” You said before the tears streamed down your face in an uncontrollable speed. You couldn’t help the pain that you felt, it was over bearing. Like someone had just come over and started stabbing you repeatedly until you didn’t feel the pain anymore. You became numb again.

“I still love you, but as a friend.” He said grabbing your hand, you quickly pulled it away, looking into his light eyes in shock. It was like his skin was fire, it was as if it burned your skin to be close to be touching him.

“I can’t be just friends with you Harrison, you should know that. I love you and it’s gonna take while for me to process this.” You said before rushing through the door and into your car. Tears were still streaming down your face as the pain grew more and more with each step.

You heard Sam call after you as you left, but you didn’t turn around. Because you had learned something valuable that day.

Sometimes love was fake, at least that’s what the world taught you. Now you knew it was true.

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