#i dont really care actually its very late
Text
everythings fine except the curtains are on fire and oh fuck the house is on fire but its not just the house its me too and im sitting in the kitchen on a chair on fire and. I . Am not having a good time. Holy fuck i havent been having a good time for like two hours
#cybers vent territory#yeah…#ignore this its like 12 am here but#oh my GOD im not okay right now#like i feel so gross#i took a bath earlier too im not even actually dirty i just feel… eurgh#ive felt like this for a few hours and have been trying to ignore it but it just sucks#and i hate it cause. i dont wanna feel like this#i hate feeling weird and gross I NEVER. feel weird and gross#but i do right now because i just got reminded and.. ugh#i keep reminding myself and being dumb#so its like essentially my fault im just. eurgh im a mess#it does not help i feel SO uncomfortable and im not even doing anything im just sitting here#uggh… i dont like it..#maybe its all my emotions i wasnt feeling spilling out at night or something.. idk…#all i know is i am. feeling gross. and i hate it.#i literally dont know what to do to stop feeling this way..#but ill be fine.. probably#oh boy! i sure do hope i learn how to balance my own needs! pukes everywhere#BUT THATS THE THING i know.. how to.. i think.. im just. dumb#like i know when to take alone time. but im also a dumbass#i could be spoonfed warnings and still walk through cause i wanna be nice and wanna be curious and just. make myself upset#like right now#like im upset. not upset like mad but. uncomfortable. nauseous. because im being Stewpit#does that make sense???#i donr know#i dont really care actually its very late#ill probably delete this at some point#who knows#anyway im back to pokemon or. sleep. i donr know what ill be doing.. just trying to get less ‘i want die’ feeling
0 notes
Text
LOVE LOSES !!!!!!!!!!!!
#sorry the idea of most of sonics rivals having a crush on him while sonic himself doesnt know or just doesnt care is really funny to me#anyway idk how i feel about how this looks i jusst kinda rushed it out to get it out of my head#wihtout caring about it looking perfect#this is what i was talking about earlier btw.#when i said i wasgonna try to draw something for valentines but its not actual serious ship art#im a little late . but its still the 14th somewhere im sure#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the hedgehog#knuckles the echidna#jet the hawk#am i allowed to tag the ships if theyre one sided will people get annoyed with me if i do that#whatever im doing it anyway. at the very least so people who dont wanna see ship stuff can filter it out#sonadow#sonknux#sonjet#my art#to be completely honest i dont feel anywhere near as strongly about the idea of shadow liking sonic as i do knuckles and jet liking sonic#but he gets to be included because i cant just make a joke about sonics rivals without including shadow
336 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wasn't sure which version i liked so have bothhhhh woahh
#the adventure zone balance#taako#taako adventurezone#taz balance#taz#the adventure zone#taz fanart#my art#fanart#im on a balance relisten because listening to music while shelf reading got boring#also listening to steeple chase dont worry#anyway struggled figuring out anything for my taako design#ik its not especially unique but i do not care#have to say im really loving lining lately started using the pens from a set i bought ages ago actually and they're very good#might be posting some just lineart stuff soon#teehee
744 notes
·
View notes
Text
I met people I knew only online for the first time irl last night and I'm still extremely exhausted cause I am not a social person so here. Take an OC.
Katale (Kitty) is wonderful and I love her and she's a criminal and that's fine. She likes to look cute and so whenever I see a really cute outfit in public with a specific vibe, I'm like "Kitty would love that". So here. Please. Please know that I saw this very pretty woman jogging with her hair pulled back, running shorts, and the CUTEST top with a little scarf from the same fabric tied and wow. It was. So wonderful, please have a wonderful day @ the lady I saw jogging yesterday.
#my characters#kitty is so funny to me cause she is absolutely used to a life of crime#shes second in command in a huge group because she actually forfeited the top command spot to her future boyfriend#and now they are exes and besties and she just really likes their criminal crew#and then she adopts a lil agent guy bc hes like a puppy and she is like listen that is my son now you cant hurt him#ANY OF YOU TRY TO HURT MY SON I HURT YOU including you rud my beloved ex current boss#and hes just like okay#and then they become a very weird messed up family of two crime bosses and a good boy#but anyway kitty is the glue that holds everything together and she commits crimes on the side of being nice#like oh sorry im late to get here i had to kill a man#but its also her getting phone calls from rud telling her sorry babe cant show up im a bit gross#and shes like oh yeah dude i get it sometimes blood just doesnt wanna hide :c ttyl smooches ily#anyway she deserves to have cute outfits and no one is gonna tell her otherwise#ALSO for those who dont know and might care shes a weeb she watches so much anime#she just ..... really likes anime and makes rud watch some shows with her during and after dating#he just goes along with it no complaints and he doesnt understand all the appeal#but it makes kitty happy so hes happy
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wait shit people might actually care about me
#sorryyy for the personal posts lmao just not having a great time lately . ill go back to posting abt fandom stuff soon dw#hopefully the self loathing phase is over now cuz i really didnt enjoy that!#mf got me thinking thay everyone secretly hates me n itd be better if i was dead ahahaha#but like. my friends talk to me daily. my mutuals love me. i didnt go to school for like 3 days and my classmate who im kindaaa friends wit#texted me saying. and i quote “Hi [name]. I know its late but i hope your doing well. Hope to cya tmr.” (the full stops symbolize each text#cuz she sent three seperate texts)#and i was just. so flabbergasted at that#i didnt rlly think anyone would really notice if i was gone#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that#i thought theyd just be indifferent to it#also i sound pathetic rn but i reread that girl's text over n over again when she sent rhat. was literally on the brink of tears#and i just. wow.#people might actually care for me. they might actuallynotice when im gone. they might actually miss me#ive been so inside my head n thinking allat bad stuff about myself that i. didnt think that people might see me differently than the way#i saw myself#really and truly i love you guys so much#even if we've never talked to each pther before or interact very little. i appreciate all of you. you guys rock#anyways aha i should stop rambling now loll. as for now i think im doing a bit better#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now#at least now i dont believe that everyone was being friends with me out of pity#thank you all for everything :')#man i need a hug rn lmao#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw self loathing#tw self destructive behavior#<- dw about the tags i dont feel/do those anymore#if you wanna talk to me abt this or just talk in general hit me up!! i love talking to ppl i dont like being alone xd#love youu <33
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am soooo good at getting emotional over children's media but not in a fandom way in like a. oh god i care about people so much way
#its shel silverstein this time kldfjhd#watched a good vid essay abt his work and going through the comments of the vid and oughh theyre getting me to tears actually#ive gotten this emotional abt dragon tales and fraggle rock before lol#idk man maybe im super sappy but i find myself so very touched by media made for kids that is made with a genuine care#whether its a desire to teach people how to deal with emotions. to “end wars” in fraggle rock's case iirc#or just having such a respect for kids to want them to have these profound messages that stick with them into adulthood#ogh. ogggh. maybe this is why im an education major lol#rando thoughtz#edit additions bc im thinking abt it now after i already hit post#silverstein's poem Whatif like. particularly hit me hard rn when i heard it now#bc im like. well not to divulge into in a public setting but ive been really struggling with anxiety lately#its been p fucking bad#and that poem was like. ah thats literally how its been for me so many times ive been left alone with my thoughts in my bed#and it was like that a lot as a kid too ngl. so it makes me a little sad that i dont think i ever read that one as a kid#or if i did i didnt remember it. but its here for me now and its. comforting to have what ive been going through be in text for kids
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#the thing about being so bad at writing is that when you also do it very irregularly about shit nobody else cares about#you drive yourself into a hole where absolutely nothing motivates you cause nobody misses your fics#also ive been made to feel bad lately about choosing fic writing over drawing so its. been a really fucking bad brain time#idk. i dont feel like a contributing member of the fandom. like it doesnt matter at all what i do i dont provide anything of any value#i hate it here and once again im just. sad and done but im useless with anything so what does it matter and who cares#its so hard to explain. i just dont feel like im doing anything meaningful#and i know thats not an actual indicator of the quality of my work but. try telling my garbage brain these two things arent related lmao#sorry im just. im just useless. i dont just feel that i know i am. with anything i cant do just piling up and the list getting longer i jus#maybe i should finally give up writing too. would make thinking about everything so much easier. nobody would miss it#and nobody can convince me otherwise about that#im gonna go cry in my cocoa now goodbye#night is an absolute mess on main
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk why I'm posting this here but it's fine because I can do whatever I want. sorry I think I'm having an enneagram type 1 moment. it's not mental illness, it's because of my enneagram type! can't help being a Gemini Enneagram Type 1
also I keep using the amulet's powers so I've been being hit with the after effects. such power deranges a man /ref
#milgran't#type 1 momence#btw as a prefacw this is not directed at anyone here. this is just. a thing. that is everywhere.#ok. anyway.#the....... Exotification of DID/OSDD-1... is always so annoying.#and like. i get it. i understand. its probably a difficult thing for many ppl to actually comprehend as a real human experience#which brings me to the main point of this Pussy-Rant (ranting in tags bc im a pussy)#i think. the main reasom its So Exotified. is. '''''''MPD''''''''#serioisky that name has done. so much fucking damage its insane. absolute wack shit#anyway yeah. like. the concept of it being Multiple People In One Body/Brain... when like... that's.. not really whats going on..#like if youre a system and that's how you understand your system to be. then power to you. i dont care do literally whatever#its just. i think CDDs would be a LOT easier for people to understand if--#--it was not looked at as the Multiple People Disorder. but instead as the Fucking Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder#idk its just annoying seein ppl (who are probably very well meaning!) talk about the disorder i experience as if its bizarre and fantastical#~look wooooowwww this is something that can happen to the brain due to The Most Unreal And Most Traumatic Events!! crazy right?~#i am going to get the Evil Alter out here so he can beat you to death.#like yeah its fucking. sad and fucked up what has to happen to develop a CDD. and that should be acknowledged.#and many systems Have had to go through experiences that a lot of ppl can only fathom as being able to happen in fiction.#but.... its just so isolating and makes me feel Capital C Crazy 🥴#dear lord ive just been so irritable and frustrated lately... obligatory apologies.#ah. i think i suddenly figured out why this in particular triggers me so much.#god damn it it's always the fucking trauma huh!#<- spent basically all of elementary school and middle school feeling like there was a giant sign over my head that said--#--''this poor soul went through something so tragic! how awful to think that something that serious could happen to just a little kid!''#its the ''hey can you stop treating me as something helpless that needs to be fixed and just treat me like A Fucking Person'' feelings#but see this disorder is just so beautiful because in a week i may be wanting ppl to see me as a suffering freak who needs to be fixed#or hell even fucking tomorrow. who knows not me#.. ok im actually genuinely afraid talkimg about this is going to lead to her gettinf triggered out KDJSNKDJSNJD so im gonna. stop.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm. Overwhelmed
#i have too many blogs i think i need to cut down a Lot#im thinking make my general multi again#and cut down to kurt/jase/pearl ridge and Very low activity multi#having ben/jackie is super fun i love them and yj currently airing adds so much muse but i. i dont have time#and starting new blogs is. hard and i dont know how to. start things#i love ben and i want to write ben but i dont know what to write. or how to write. does that make sense#I'd move kurt and jase to the multi but in the past that has#not worked out they just. they have too much lore for a multi i think and it overwhelms people or they dont care enough to read it#which like. to be fair still happens a lot on jasons solo blog#idk i just. i have had a Lot of muse and desire to write and plot lately for all my muses but. something is. something doesnt click#and actually writing on here is just. not possible for some reason#something about tumblr is#its too much right now#which is weird bc like i dont. i dont have anything really going on its school holidays rn#but somehow theres just. im constantly overwhelmed and being here usually helps but it hasn't lately#i feel like. has the energy on tumblr shifted over the past few months#it feels like it has#like community wise?#like i dont think the new editor is to blame i prefer the new editor#i dont know. i don't know#something is different#and i don't like it
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
new 2d sonic games coming out this fall apperently ?
#not sure how to feel abt it just watched the trailer. im a modern 'classic sonic' hater sorry.#it just doesnt quite capture what i enjoy abt the og games as well as stuff like advance and rush does (well those more take that and build#it up into its own thing (rush especially) but whatever. it still carries on some general things i enjoy about classic sonic design and#all the more recent stuff ive played has not really been my thing. idk what physics engine theyre using but if its the retro engine i will#probably not like it that shit messes with my muscle memory so bad im sorry. i dont like it i wish i did#also the general visual design/art direction just isnt my thing! im not into that kinda stuff ive always disliked it to an extent#ESPECIALLY in 2d it feels very visually overwhelming but that is probably just a me thing.#also idk if the sound design in the trailer reflects what the game is going to sound like but.did not like it . again a personal preference#so i guess im leaning kinda negative overall MAN i hate that . why am i like this lol sorry#i love sonic games i really do but i just Do Not care for the Big Stuff theyve been doing lately it isntreally my thing#the older stuff just plays to my tastes better u_u#also another thing classic sonic gameplay w 3d models has always felt so ? stilted?#rush doesnt count its its own beast. stilted is probbaly The last thing id use to describe its presentation LMAO#but like. all the sonic generations onwards stuff just feels Weird to look at theres no realkick to it. hell i feel like this abt a few#other 2.5d games that are. 2.5d in the visual sense.it just doesnt click right in a lot of cases#so what im syaing is . 3d bad 2d good /JOKE#the multiplayer seems interesting wonder how thats gonna be handled. also im guessing amy plays how she does in origins here#not sure how she plays there but i m glad to actually see her playable in more stuff! i hope her playstyle is similar to her advance 1#gameplay i love that shit so much geneuinely. its a lot of fun to mess around w#i wanna say im sure the game will be fine but also..... its sonic......... theyre always gonna figure out some way to fuck shit up#<- i say that somewhat lovingly but also it is pretty frustrating since most of it does stem from management issues and time crunch. sigh#okay im just rambling abt sonic nonsense now sorry. i try not to get too invested in everything anymore it was really draining when i was#actively trying to keep up w everything but sometimes smthn comes upand my brain goes back into Sonic Mode /silly#inquisitivewaltz.txt#oh god these tags are so long. im so sorry hgfdhsjgfdhs
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
jesus christttt im not surprised at all to hear that the knuckles series focuses on wade and other human characters a lot i saw this coming a mile away with how almost all the news we were getting before the trailer came out was about the human characters/actors and not about knuckles (or sonic or tails or any other animated characters) but the fact that somebody calculated how many minutes of screentime knuckles has and it came out as LESS THAN HALF OF THE ENTIRE SERIES' RUNTIME when the series is NAMED after him is ridiculous. after this show comes out wade will likely have more screentime and overall plot relevance in the entire scu than tails does. did they actually think wade is a popular enough character for people to be down with this. what the fuck
#was gonna pirate the series but at this rate i might not watch it at all LMAO or at the very least only watch the parts with team sonic#because my interest in this series is dropping every second and i already wasnt very interested in it.#and i love knuckles so you know theyre doing something wrong if knuckles getting his own series isnt interesting me#the thing about wade is i dont even hate the idea of human characters. i dont think its bad for human characters to be present#and i dont think its bad for them to be involved in the plot and have relationships with the existing sonic characters#i personally didnt mind the wedding subplot in the second movie and i know a lot of people hated it#but. it becomes a problem when the random humans are overshadowing the characters people are actually here to see#like the show is literally called knuckles and all the marketing focuses on knuckles but its mostly about wade. allegedly.#and . i wouldnt have minded knuckles having a human costar. but again. they should be getting equal or less focus not more.#and also. its fucking wade who cares about wade enough to want this. would have been more forgiving if it was maddie or jojo or something#because i actually care about those characters. and also theyre not cops#for a moment i was willing to believe that the complaints about wade having way more screentime than knuckles#were a little exaggerated since a lot of people just get mad when the human characters have any screentime at all#but then i saw the article showing that knuckles really did show up for less than half the show and i was like Ummm. What#sorry for being so negative lately#its just that every new piece of info we get about upcoming scu projects has me like that reaction image of the guy holding a cigarette#like WHAT ARE THEY DOINGGGGGGG
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
OUGH
#aristotle.txt#vent cw#its been a couple of days#idk if its obvious or not but lately i have had trouble writing#and its not because i dont have ideas! but im actually just afraid to for some very vauge and unidentified reason#its like a genuine feeling of fear i cant describe and i have no idea why its there#but like. lately every time i work on a fic i have to talk myself into writing because i just get scared of it ISFJKJKF#i think its bc my impostor syndrom has been really bad lately lol#but thats pretty normal for me like yeah it be like that#im just not usually so effected#i think lack of interaction contributes probably but ive been processed that so i doubt its that completely#i just like. am afraid!#maybe it is hormones or something im just like constantly in the mindset of YOU SUCK YOUR IDEAS SUCK NO ONE CARES BOOO THROWING TOMATOES#all of which is like. silly thoughts i have alread coped with#so i dont know why its so bad#but its ANNOYING i want to write and have fun what the HELL
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
when they said a masters thesis is more difficult than a ba thesis i didnt think they meant "nobody cares about your masters thesis"
#hakuna matata#i think im a bit more affected by my consultant not even reading it before meetups than i thought#last time my consultant was literally doing diplomacy in japan and she could read what i was sending her and give me feedback#my current consultalt not knowing about jojo isnt an excuse i had to explain trans women to this previous one and she could help#i dont want to slander this man. the rest of my class does that enough.#its just a bit frustrating putting out 10ks of characters not even knowing if what im doing is any good#not expecting my classmates to care tbh. whenever i had to discuss my topic with them it felt like it was a joke for them#its just. idk? anyone? does anyone care that im doing it and if im doing it right?#other than my beloved friends whose support i honestly appreciate <3#it just feels like im assured that pop culture analysis is worth the work in an academic environment#but nobody in the actual academic environment seems to really care what im doing#ah that and the lady that ran the thesis writing class last year giving me a 3 :))#i thought i gave a good presentation and she showed no signs that she disliked anything about it.#the paper i sent her i think i did pretty well on too. especially for a paper i sent after 3 days of being very sick#i sent it late but i told her i was going to be late because i had a terrible weekend#so she knew i was sick! and she was very 'prioritize your health' in class!#idk what happened there... so my work is praised in class but then its only worth a 3...?
1 note
·
View note
Text
i want to keep drawing... but my tablet pen is dead and i havent slept yet... so i SHOULD take a break and get in bed probably... but i WANT to keep working on that ryou and marik piece... waaaAAAAAAHHH. is how i feel about the situation
#marcnotes#im having SO MUCH FUN drawing fanart again hsdfghjkl... zero pressure and self indulgent and fun to experiment with#and like just BEING really self indulgent with it and taking my time but making an effort to finish things#is so nice... i lov making art and i love SHARING the art i make#oh i was gonna post this on main but maybe it can go on my art blog lol. since its about art#even though its a little silly!!! im allowed to be silly on here hsdfghjkl. who cares#it is kind of funny to say 'drawing fanart again' on here when the gap in me drawing fanart#is not smthng rlly reflected on this blog... i dont post most of my original work! which is a shame bc its really good#its not because i dont want to its just bc i never finish any of it... hence the effort lately to Finish and Post Things#with 'finish' being a relative term!#also to all the death note fans who followed me recently: dw i have more mellodramattic in progress. The Boys Will Continue To Appear Here#im actually jumping between that ryou/marik piece and a big matt/mello piece (which i have posted a wip of here already)#the matt/mello one is closer to done! but im doing a whole bg for it so... its an undertaking lololol. like i said! experimenting!!!#its very good tho im excited to show yall. i went crazy on the faces they look sooo good
0 notes
Text
I love breathing. Love to be a part of it one day
#shitpost#vent#my lungs. hurt so very muchly#i will probably go to the hospital soon but i was prescribed meds to help first but i cant have dairy 1 hr before or 2 hrs after#i would probably just say that i need to go now but my usual childrens hospital has space issues so I'd be going to the adult hospital#its the same system or campus or whatever but i highly doubt i will be provided access to an xbox or hockey table lmao#also i need to pack up my office before i go to college so my parents can reuse the space and i dont want mom doing that for me#and i know it's irrational but my mom has had a very short temper with me lately and i am paranoid that it's because im sick#so in my head if i go to the hospital she will be mad at me. i know that is silly. but alas i am frightened#it's probably an indicator of something. yk its not normal to think your mom is mad at your for being sick.#but i dont really have another explanation as to why she seems so short with me#like usually shes the best communicator in our family (not saying much tbh) so it wouldnt make sense for her to not tell me why she was mad#unless she knew it wasnt a valid reason to be mad at me! but who knows she could just be kind of a bitch like her own mother#based on the only big fight ive ever had with her she's convinced that i exaggerate my symptoms to get my way#and for some reason she seemed to think that i hated her! which was not true until she yelled at me for having memory problems!#i dont hate my mother i am exaggerating. i dislike her at most. honestly im just ready to move out she'll be easier to deal with then#not to overshare her issues but she thinks i favor my dad a lot because he actually was the one to raise me which yeah! yeah i do#her working a lot was very important and necessary to pay for my health but that doesnt change the fact that she wasnt really there#i dont resent her for it i just wish she was aware that she'll never really make up that time. she just pretends!#anyway I've lost the energy to really care about this im watching schitts creek and i just got to literally the sweetest scene ever#so my lungs hurt and my mom is annoying but this fictional love story is going places and i am dreaming that i get a partner soon#so if you read this all the way through thank you for your concern/nosiness (whats the difference) but im all good now#this fictional romance is giving me hope for my upcoming irl college dating sim
0 notes
Text
milk
#diary#personal#i finally feel like a person again!! whoo!!! but idk i also feel like im just. going insane lately. i sorta womder how long i got.#i cant keep my thoughts straight very well. i did finally remember to take painkillers tho!!!#self harm#i still have marks from where i dug my nails in earlier when i was about to meltdown... just how hard did i dig into my skin?#im glad i didnt hurt myself. last night i think i also tried to bite my finger and i did it too hard so i quickly stopped.#i dont think i control my strength very well when im melting down i should be careful...#yknow the reason i feel like im going insane lately is bc of how unpredictable ive become.#like. my brain is all weird lately. i think very odd things in very odd ways. i dont think i used to be like this?#i think that was when i was following my routine tho. so thats diffefent#i was following and doing things on autopilot. not thinking.#idk. i feel weird. really weird. you adjust to these things after a while. but sometimes. its just stange and everything feels foreign.#i might just be disassociating a bit i think that it.#well at least i have a bunch of games to play. time passes quickly when playing games.#i wonder how long those marks will last.#i might skip brushing and flossing but maybe not.#i should look for a therapist.#hm. i should actually just call. but i wonder if i will?#hm. i wonder what ill do next
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
togetherletsbreathe
...I'll Just Avoid The Holes So You Sleep Fine
johnkatsmc5
return to the underground,the other side of music
dokidobe
yellow.dr.monv
1ckykidd0lila
lila ! ( a slutty princess in training :] )
