Me when a man calls me “sweetie”: 😐😬🙄😡🖕

Me when a woman calls me “sweetie”: 🥺💞👉👈

you ever see one of those exploitative hetbaiting lesbian scenes in a movie or something as a kid and comphet yourself into being like "uhh yeah girl on girl is hot!(?) yeah dude!" but somewhere deep in your soul "g-girls kissing? '~' girls can go out with each other? thats interesting... wish i could see this kind of story explored seriously and not just used to titilate The Straights". my point is that it's easy to confuse sapphic feels for "i like women too, i'm fitting in right? i'm normal too?"

thanks for turning on anon asks!! i dont want to get this linked back to my actual account where i try to keep things pretty discourse-free. what i wanted to say is that i really get where yr coming from with the falling into transmasc vs transfem thing??? i find myself going oh no thats a trans woman so shes not gonna like me a lot and then i feel really guilty abt it so its good to know that other transandro bloggers are aware of that whole thing. how do you keep yrself from falling into those thinking patterns?

No problem at all, anon! I understand that this can be a topic that you don't necessarily want. attention. on you. Perfectly valid to keep yourself safe.

This touches on something that I've been realizing more often for myself, though! When you are educating yourself on topics such as transandrophobia, the loud and vocal minority of transandrophobes are likely to speak up in comments and replies of posts doing so, which makes it seem like they're everywhere. Much like vocal transphobes, we must remember that this is a minority; most people may not have even heard of transandrophobia, but I'm sure they'd agree that "trans men experience oppression for being trans men that other trans people don't experience". Because that's common sense.

The other reason I find myself falling into that pattern is the centering of trans women in these transandrophobia discussions. A lot of it ends up with people arguing if transmisogyny is worse or not, and I think that misses the entire point. But if you see these transandrophobes going on and on about trans women having it worse (and some of those people being trans women themselves who are lashing out for whichever reason), you're going to start connecting transandrophobia and trans women.

Which sucks. It really fucking does. The brain is equipped to notice patterns, and it's going to emphasize in accordance to how transandrophobes emphasize.

So how do I personally stop this from happening?

I follow trans women. Feels like a no-brainer, right? But recently I realized I was not following any trans education that was run by trans women, mostly because I had been scared of researching into the blogs themselves in case I found bigotry towards trans men, and I am not in the business of digital self-harm. If anyone has any good blogs feel free to drop them here, and I'll reblog!

If I feel myself getting incensed, I step back If you find yourself getting really mad, step back and ask yourself: - Where is this anger coming from? (At transphobia or has it been construed somehow?) - Where is this anger directed? (At transandrophobes, or at trans women?) - Who has posted this? (TERF psyops do exist, and if a blog is posting inflammatory content, they might be baiting you) - Is this user in the same circle as other transandrophobes? (There was a ring of particularly nasty transandrophobes that I blocked for mocking trans men and suggesting corrective sexual assault, and I have not found as many since)

Go to irl queer spaces. While this is not going to be a solution for everyone, I find stepping offline and talking to irl trans women is beneficial. Make friends with trans people! This discourse is so terminally online, and the only reason I participate in it is because I do what I can irl and therefore my only contribution is not arguing over discourse.

I also interact with other trans men who are normal about trans women as well. I hope this helps! Media literacy is good to practice, and I'm proud of you for owning up to something very hard, anon.

If we have any other suggestions, pop 'em down in the replies or reblogs!

if lesbians could not reblog my selfies or nsfw pics onto their porn blogs or ramble in tags or in my dms or in my inboxes about me or my body or any sort of attraction they have to me that would be wonderful. fucking divine. this includes 'bi lesbians' if you in any way identify as a lesbian i dont want you to want to fuck me how hard is that to wrap your fucking heads around god damn it. i would say sorry but im not i am not sorry i am not apologizing fuck you. fuck you! who the hell do you think you are. how can you say you respect trans people, how can you say you fucking respect yourSELF and your own identity if youre letting it out over my face. i dont even give a fuck if youre trans too, that does not give you the right to treat me like this! i am a man. i have never not been a man. lesbians dont get off too men, lesbians arent attracted to men. i cannot believe you people are forcing me to talk about this shit on my blog, i cannot believe my hand has been forced to hold yours and explain to you a circle isnt a square. homosexual and heterosexual are opposites. they are. they are opposite. you CAN be bisexual. you can. its not a dirty word. but youre a dirty fucking freak if you have to lie to yourself about someones identity to get your rocks off. youre lying to me, to yourself, and everyone is doing this shit.

i dont care anymore im done. bi/pan lesbians i dont want you here. it is an oxymoron, you are oxymoronic. if you want to waste both our time, send me twenty bucks to paypal and ill hear your guilty plea, but thats fucking it. if you in ANY WAY! identify as a lesbian, please, for both of us, but primarily for respect for me as a fellow human being, do not find me romantically attractive, do not find me sexually attractive, do not ramble about how sexy i am, do not comment on my body in a way you would not comment about a strange man you dont know WHICH IS WHAT I AM! if we're friends, mutuals, this obviously does not mean you cant compliment me or my outfit or anything, but i dont need to say that because you people HAVE BRAINS unlike some. im fucking done! its not real! it! is! not! real! good night.

anyone this is about in particular is already blocked dont get your panties in a twist

Ok but for someone who says they don’t care or are suppose ally’s to women you get really upset at women/ terfs I’m saying this as a gay trans masc you need to chill bc this just gives them receipts that all trans women are men who are misgonistic and violent seriously stop replying to them if it really doesn’t bother you

Lord have mercy, I'm going to summon the patience to respond, and give you the response this deserves. I'm going to level with you

I have never clarified what my gender identity is beyond "they/them" because I didn't believe my identity mattered beyond, only the content of my words. But if this needs clarification I will provide it so no one misunderstands me. I am not a trans woman. I believe this discourse shouldn't have to be done by trans women exclusively. Why must someone who opposes bigots be marginalized? Why must the marginalized fight the bigotry in their own oppression? Why can't I, a gnc cis passing queer woman be absolutely appalled and moved with rage at how awful these cosplay conservatives tarnish the very lavel activism with their existence?

It's not fucking fair how little people get in the world to help, and they get even less the more layers of intersectionality we get. And the lower you get the less society cares about you. The only thing you can turn to is fucking activism when you get so oppressed everyone has a fucking reason to hate you. So you join feminist circles to gain community, and a twisted fucking surprise, even the people who claim to care about gender liberation "feminists" dont care.

I'm allowed to find the struggles of others maddening, in the same way I would hope good white allies to find racism maddening or men to find sexism infuriating. If you're a good ally you should be MAD that someone of your same intersectionality can't just fucking treat people right.

It shouldn't be on trans women to take the brunt of this, or insist everyone ignores them. They don't ignore trans women! They go to safe spaces for women and harasses them, disseminates their photos, their information, and relentlessly bully them! Respectfully, I do not see how I am guilty for the anger I feel for the complete blatant acts of human depravity it is to bully a group of women who have a scary high suicide rate. By not talking about it and just expecting people to fight this issue with silence, I believe that we don't provide adequate community.

It is not just enough to be not a transmisogynist, you have to be anti-transmisogynists. I should not have to put my life in danger by standing up for black people in a room of trump supporters. But a white person should use what privilege they have to stand up for what's right. If I expect allies to do that for me, I need to do that for groups I'm allied with.

Thank you for reaching out. And in situations like these please, think about what you say. I believe you intended good with this post, but I also believe you could reflect on your words. I don't believe it's fair to call a black women aggressive for anger.

No minority should be responsible for the whole group of people, it's not fair to make minorities play by their bigots rules to be respected. Basic human respect shouldn't be earned through respectability politics.

not really happy with my life at the moment. i love my dad but i feel guilty that he does so much for me and i do little to reciprocate. ive started casually smoking cigarettes, and i smoke marijuana whenever i can afford it. on days where i dont have university, i dont leave my house and i play overwatch for 10-11ish hours a day. i enjoy it, and i enjoy streaming it. my relationshhip with my mother is very shaky but overall negative. shes constantly stressing and worrying about me, and i know she means well but i cant help but respond bitterly whenever she says something that even just slightly annoys me. im scared that im going to drop out of university, because i just dont quite have passion or motivation at the moment. i finished high school about 4 months ago, and other then the school formal, i havent really spoken to or heard from anyone that i used to be 'friends' with, except for 1 who is one of my closest friends. im very grateful for him. i always felt isolated in school and leaving has made it apparent to me that i was never truly that influential in any of their lives. my identity still haunts me often, i spent the years 2021-current publically identifying as a transgender girl, but as years go on, my trust in that label dwindles. it is my current belief that if i were to go on hormones and publically presenting in a feminine way that i would feel more confident in life, and it is clear to me that this middle ground way of living that i have found myself in drives people away and causes problems for myself. im not trans, and im not cis either. i really hate my body. im skinny and tall and lanky and not particularly fit in any way. i used to believe myself to be attractive growing up, but the only time i feel pretty is when men who are far too old for me call me attractive on gr*ndr. i still miss and think often about my ex girlfriend, whom broke up with me in april 2022. i hotly anticipate the 3 year anniversary of us dating in a few months, not because anything would happen, but just because i loved her so much. i've been considering entering therapy and finding hormone treatment as soon as possible, but its hard most days to do anything at all. i also believe that finally getting an adhd diagnosis that i have been virtually begging my parents for since i was a pre-teen will help me finish my uni degree and not drop out. i would quite like to find a nice circle of friends that are divorced from my online life, people who i can smoke with and go to parties with and just feel good about having in my life. i had these people in high school, but as i mentioned earlier, i simply lost that track of my life. perhaps i shall use tumblr as a diary more frequently, or maybe this will be the last post of mine of this nature. im deeply unsatisfied with my way of living, but i dont have the commitment or the strength or the discipline to change it.

i didnt know u had a milgram oc !! or i forgor... 12 for the ask game!!

hehe i do!! i made her back in like, april or may, and then did Nothing with her... n because we weren't like, that big of friends back then i think? we were close but we weren't divorced yet i think, i didn't know if you'd think me cringe or not for making a milgram oc i think !! n msotly chatted to arc about her... but i should have known better. shes like. girl loser. anyway!! gonna respond to this under cut:3 im gonna do every prisoner. sorry not sorry also i do wanna say, aiko is very underdeveloped. so if any of these things clash. 1) sorry:( shes silly like that 2) shes a hypocrite, sorta 3) some of this will probs change as i (if i) develop her

12. What is their relationship like with the other prisoners? as stated above, i will do every priosoner:3

Sakurai Haruka this guy... this dude.... hes sure a guy!!! what a dude.... i think, they're similar enough for both of them to dislike one another. aiko doesn't like him because he reminds him of her, in a way. he didn't get well cared for by his mother in his youth (neglected) and, i'm not sure about which one(s), but he has disorders also i think? or mental illnesses? i don't know boss . i like mahiru and amane and i only know things about the two of them. and also yuno. bc she's easy to know about. and muu. and umm . kotoko . twirls hair . i don't know much about the men ❤️as in, i while i do care about thinking about them, i prefer the girls, because, the guys are boring, to me . oh you're mentally ill? so am i. oh you're on twitter? im not. oh you have a guilty concience? youre actually pretty cool shidou btut fanon has ruined you for me. oh you, are? ok. oh youre a terrible depiction of did? why does the fandom like you so much. men cannot win in milgram. theyre all so. simple. and so are the women, to be fair, but. you get it. you get it mikey. you get it. anyway, i think aiko would act civil around him, if he tried to talk to her, but wouldn't go out of her way to interact with him. sympathises, though. pre-trial one results probs avoids him. thinks of him as a lost puppy. post-trial one, pre trial-two results, maybe envies the 'bond' he has with mu. post trial two resuls, she umm. well. haruka says "oh you wont forgive mu? ok well ill just kill myself then. loser" and umm uh. thats not. good for aiko. that was her murder, basically. yea also he has "born a guy, treated like a girl because parents wanted a girl" while aiko has "born. a secret. treated like a guy because, parents. something something. trans but never confirmed if she was a canon character, just alluded to."

Kashiki Yuno yuno my good friend yuno.. i think aiko would get along ok with her. again, doesnt seek her out, but! likes her:) thinks shes silly. likes listening to her talk and indulging in conversation. pre trial 1 results, aiko is generally very closed off, but, later on deems yuno a comfortable presence:) and post trial 2 results starts seeking her out to hang out.. likes sitting with her in silence. helps her take care of mahiru after t1. and umm . yuno also takes care of her. unsure if yuno likes her, too, or if she finds her. lame

Kajiyama Fuuta does NOT like him does NOT like how loud he is!!! thinks he should quiet down. doesn't like how brash he is. she doesn't stop him from acting out (doesn't really.. dissapprove of it? doesn't like the ways with which he goes about things, but, doesn't mind that he overall tries to do them? admires him a bit, maybe. but does think hes stupid and dumb). tries to help him after t2, but he'd propably go "psh i dont need your help" and, well, she wouldn't want to push her luck. she's injured herself, after all.. . does care about him and worry for his safety, though.

Kusunoki Muu pre-t1 results, aiko is too out of it to be annoyed with muu. tries to help her a bit at first, maybe, sympathises with her - but soon finds her annoying and stops trying to help her. after t1 results, she wishes muu would act towards her like she does to haruka, but, she doesn't. and. she was voted guilty, so! thumbs down. doesnt like her:( but . goes along with her schemes n such i think. relates to her also.

Kirisaki Shidou - suicide tw for this one hooo boy ok. this one is a big one. due to the nature of aiko's murder, she gets close to this guy. sorta. doesn't like him. so! aiko's murder. its more explained in the link, but, basically, tried to kill herself and.. huh? what?? how is she in milgram if she killed herself?? well you see, basically, i consider the milgram prison more of a concept than an actual prison in its universe. so. milgram just popped her conciousness out from her last moments and into milgram. idk. ✌️the explanation is too long for this but! so. a bit into t1 - either between her and kotoko's trial or after his innocent verdict - she goes to shidou and basically asks him "am i dead? can you do a check up please?" and, i actually think shidou would take her semi-seriously - of course, he knows she's not dead, but, is propably like. just worried for her. he's been declared innocent at this point, anyways - might as well help. so he tells her, "no, youre not dead." and she gets pissed and angry and upset and sad and depressed and doesnt talk to him again until kotoko attacks her. disappointed bc, if hes right, she failed. and. angry because he Must be wrong. he Must be. or. it all sucks and is shit.

SHIINA MAHIRU 🧡💛💗 likes her positive outlook on this. aiko is very 'love-starved', and, although i think mahiru finds her a bit creepy at first, they both warm up to one another:) theyre buddies... injrued buddies... tries to take care of her after kotokos attack, but, being injured herself, she umm can't that much. but they spend time together. shes very "our unlovable guilty verdicts... could be lovable guilty verdicts", and, just, rlly likes that mahiru is so lovely. she's so warm and always has love to give. and. aiko needs that so bad. it Is unhealthy, yes, aiko becomes sorta very dependant on her for most of her emotional needs... sorta like muu and haruka, but, not rlly, because, yuno is there to tell them "hey youre getting a bit too codependent" n keep them in line lol maybe a bit of girl yuri.. who knows

Mukuhara Kazui (why are all the guys blue?) kazui is the closest thing aiko has ever had to a father/parental figure in a long time, but, she will Not let him know she will Not she will Not let him protect her from kotoko because that would mean unraveling feelings and shit. so. yeah. thats all i will say about this. because. i am unsure if thats the path i will take she does dislike him tho. because hes 'stereotypical strong man' n she envies that she cant be that. and, again, the dad thing.. she doesnt like it. that she feels like that

Momose Amane 💛 Thinks she's silly:) likes listening to her talk about her religion pre kotokos attack- after, too, but the others probs kee the two apart (bc, amanes "you cant use medicine" actually works on aiko). but. yeah. feels bad for the kid, and, wishes she was in a better mental state to help her. at least recognizes shes unable to. doesnt stop her from trying to help her with the little things - which, amane does not like. bc. she feels like shes being treated likea little kid.

aiko mae herself:)

Yuzuriha Kotoko finds her intimidating. admires her resolve. rlly doesn't mind her attack all that much.. is a bit scared of her, but, dismisses it as admiration n such. really does Not mind her attack.

Thinking abt that quote from I believe, tho I may be misremembering, Phoebe, when he was talking abt gay culture and like Freddie and other gay men he's known, abt how you find platonic love as a gay man with your friends first if/when romantic love is hard to come by as it can often be

And I know he was talking more abt the 1980s gay culture but my god if there isn't an aspect of that which still exists now, except now as a gay man I struggle to even find strong platonic love with friends and it all feels v fleeting and impermanent and wow!!! That feeling is not great paired tonight with my also feeling touch starved and in want of romantic love and attention as well as platonic.

Interview With An Ex-Radfem

exradfem is an anonymous Tumblr user who identifies as transmasculine, and previously spent time in radical feminist communities. They have offered their insight into those communities using their own experiences and memories as a firsthand resource.

Background

I was raised in an incredibly fundamentalist religion, and so was predisposed to falling for cult rhetoric. Naturally, I was kicked out for being a lesbian. I was taken in by the queer community, particularly the trans community, and I got back on my feet- somehow. I had a large group of queer friends, and loved it. I fully went in on being the Best Trans Ally Possible, and constantly tried to be a part of activism and discourse.

Unfortunately, I was undersocialized, undereducated, and overenthusiastic. I didn't fully understand queer or gender theory. In my world, when my parents told me my sexuality was a choice and I wasn't born that way, they were absolutely being homophobic. I understood that no one should care if it's a choice or not, but it was still incredibly, vitally important to me that I was born that way.

On top of that, I already had an intense distrust of men bred by a lot of trauma. That distrust bred a lot of gender essentialism that I couldn't pull out of the gender binary. I felt like it was fundamentally true that men were the problem, and that women were inherently more trustworthy. And I really didn't know where nonbinary people fit in.

Then I got sucked down the ace exclusionist pipeline; the way the arguments were framed made sense to my really surface-level, liberal view of politics. This had me primed to exclude people –– to feel like only those that had been oppressed exactly like me were my community.

Then I realized I was attracted to my nonbinary friend. I immediately felt super guilty that I was seeing them as a woman. I started doing some googling (helped along by ace exclusionists on Tumblr) and found the lesfem community, which is basically radfem “lite”: lesbians who are "only same sex attracted". This made sense to me, and it made me feel so much less guilty for being attracted to my friend; it was packaged as "this is just our inherent, biological desire that is completely uncontrollable". It didn't challenge my status quo, it made me feel less guilty about being a lesbian, and it allowed me to have a "biological" reason for rejecting men.

I don't know how much dysphoria was playing into this, and it's something I will probably never know; all of this is just piecing together jumbled memories and trying to connect dots. I know at the time I couldn't connect to this trans narrative of "feeling like a woman". I couldn't understand what trans women were feeling. This briefly made me question whether I was nonbinary, but radfem ideas had already started seeping into my head and I'm sure I was using them to repress that dysphoria. That's all I can remember.

The lesfem community seeded gender critical ideas and larger radfem princples, including gender socialization, gender as completely meaningless, oppression as based on sex, and lesbian separatism. It made so much innate sense to me, and I didn't realize that was because I was conditioned by the far right from the moment of my birth. Of course women were just a biological class obligated to raise children: that is how I always saw myself, and I always wanted to escape it.

I tried to stay in the realms of TIRF (Trans-Inclusive Radical Feminist) and "gender critical" spaces, because I couldn't take the vitriol on so many TERF blogs. It took so long for me to get to the point where I began seeing open and unveiled transphobia, and I had already read so much and bought into so much of it that I thought that I could just ignore those parts.

In that sense, it was absolutely a pipeline for me. I thought I could find a "middle ground", where I could "center women" without being transphobic.

Slowly, I realized that the transphobia was just more and more disgustingly pervasive. Some of the trans men and butch women I looked up to left the groups, and it was mostly just a bunch of nasty people left. So I left.

After two years offline, I started to recognize I was never going to be a healthy person without dealing with my dysphoria, and I made my way back onto Tumblr over the pandemic. I have realized I'm trans, and so much of this makes so much more sense now. I now see how I was basically using gender essentialism to repress my identity and keep myself in the closet, how it was genuinely weaponized by TERFs to keep me there, and how the ace exclusionist movement primed me into accepting lesbian separatism- and, finally, radical feminism.

The Interview

You mentioned the lesfem community, gender criticals, and TIRFs, which I haven't heard about before- would you mind elaborating on what those are, and what kinds of beliefs they hold?

I think the lesfem community is recruitment for lesbians into the TERF community. Everything is very sanitized and "reasonable", and there's an effort not to say anything bad about trans women. The main focus was that lesbian = homosexual female, and you can't be attracted to gender, because you can't know someone's gender before knowing them; only their sex.

It seemed logical at the time, thinking about sex as something impermeable and gender as internal identity. The most talk about trans women I saw initially was just in reference to the cotton ceiling, how sexual orientation is a permanent and unchangeable reality. Otherwise, the focus was homophobia. This appealed to me, as I was really clinging to the "born this way" narrative.

This ended up being a gateway to two split camps - TIRFs and gender crits.

I definitely liked to read TIRF stuff, mostly because I didn't like the idea of radical feminism having to be transphobic. But TIRFs think that misogyny is all down to hatred of femininity, and they use that as a basis to be able to say trans women are "just as" oppressed.

Gender criticals really fought out against this, and pushed the idea that gender is fake, and misogyny is just sex-based oppression based on reproductive issues. They believe that the source of misogyny is the "male need to control the source of reproduction"- which is what finally made me think I had found the "source" of my confusion. That's why I ended up in gender critical circles instead of TIRF circles.

I'm glad, honestly, because the mask-off transphobia is what made me finally see the light. I wouldn't have seen that in TIRF communities.

I believed this in-between idea, that misogyny was "sex-based oppression" and that transphobia was also real and horrible, but only based on transition, and therefore a completely different thing. I felt that this was the "nuanced" position to take.

The lesfem community also used the fact that a lot of lesbians have partners who transition, still stay with their lesbian partners, and see themselves as lesbian- and that a lot of trans men still see themselves as lesbians. That idea is very taboo and talked down in liberal queer spaces, and I had some vague feelings about it that made me angry, too. I really appreciated the frank talk of what I felt were my own taboo experiences.

I think gender critical ideology also really exploited my own dysphoria. There was a lot of talk about how "almost all butches have dysphoria and just don't talk about it", and that made me feel so much less alone and was, genuinely, a big relief to me that I "didn't have to be trans".

Lesfeminism is essentially lesbian separatism dressed up as sex education. Lesfems believe that genitals exist in two separate categories, and that not being attracted to penises is what defines lesbians. This is used to tell cis lesbians, "dont feel bad as a lesbian if you're attracted to trans men", and that they shouldn’t feel "guilty" for not being attracted to trans women. They believe that lesbianism is not defined as being attracted to women, it is defined as not being attracted to men; which is a root idea in lesbian separatism as well.

Lesfems also believe that attraction to anything other than explicit genitals is a fetish: if you're attracted to flat chests, facial hair, low voices, etc., but don't care if that person has a penis or not, you're bisexual with a fetish for masculine attributes. Essentially, they believe the “-sexual” suffix refers to the “sex” that you are assigned at birth, rather than your attraction: “homosexual” refers to two people of the same sex, etc. This was part of their pushback to the ace community, too.

I think they exploited the issues of trans men and actively ignored trans women intentionally, as a way of avoiding the “TERF” label. Pronouns were respected, and they espoused a constant stream of "trans women are women, trans men are men (but biology still exists and dictates sexual orientation)" to maintain face.

They would only be openly transmisogynistic in more private, radfem-only spaces.

For a while, I didn’t think that TERFs were real. I had read and agreed with the ideology of these "reasonable" people who others labeled as TERFs, so I felt like maybe it really was a strawman that didn't exist. I think that really helped suck me in.

It sounds from what you said like radical feminism works as a kind of funnel system, with "lesfem" being one gateway leading in, and "TIRF" and "gender crit" being branches that lesfem specifically funnels into- with TERFs at the end of the funnel. Does that sound accurate?

I think that's a great description actually!

When I was growing up, I had to go to meetings to learn how to "best spread the word of god". It was brainwashing 101: start off by building a relationship, find a common ground. Do not tell them what you really believe. Use confusing language and cute innuendos to "draw them in". Prey on their emotions by having long exhausting sermons, using music and peer pressure to manipulate them into making a commitment to the church, then BAM- hit them with the weird shit.

Obviously I am paraphrasing, but this was framed as a necessary evil to not "freak out" the outsiders.

I started to see that same talk in gender critical circles: I remember seeing something to the effect of, "lesfem and gender crit spaces exist to cleanse you of the gender ideology so you can later understand the 'real' danger of it", which really freaked me out; I realized I was in a cult again.

I definitely think it's intentional. I think they got these ideas from evangelical Christianity, and they actively use it to spread it online and target young lesbians and transmascs. And I think gender critical butch spaces are there to draw in young transmascs who hate everything about femininity and womanhood, and lesfem spaces are there to spread the idea that trans women exist as a threat to lesbianism.

Do you know if they view TIRFs a similar way- as essentially prepping people for TERF indoctrination?

Yes and no.

I've seen lots of in-fighting about TIRFs; most TERFs see them as a detriment, worse than the "TRAs" themselves. I've also definitely seen it posed as "baby's first radfeminism". A lot of TIRFs are trans women, at least from what I've seen on Tumblr, and therefore are not accepted or liked by radfems. To be completely honest, I don't think they're liked by anyone. They just hate men.

TIRFs are almost another breed altogether; I don't know if they have ties to lesfems at all, but I do think they might've spearheaded the online ace exclusionist discourse. I think a lot of them also swallowed radfem ideology without knowing what it was, and parrot it without thinking too hard about how it contradicts with other ideas they have.

The difference is TIRFs exist. They're real people with a bizarre, contradictory ideology. The lesfem community, on the other hand, is a completely manufactured "community" of crypto-terfs designed specifically to indoctrinate people into TERF ideology.

Part of my interest in TIRFs here is that they seem to have a heavy hand in the way transmascs are treated by the trans community, and if you're right that they were a big part of ace exclusionism too they've had a huge impact on queer discourse as a whole for some time. It seems likely that Baeddels came out of that movement too.

Yes, there’s a lot of overlap. The more digging I did, the more I found that it's a smaller circle running the show than it seems. TIRFs really do a lot of legwork in peddling the ideology to outer queer community, who tend to see it as generic feminism.

TERFs joke a lot about how non-radfems will repost or reblog from TERFs, adding "op is a TERF”. They're very gleeful when people accept their ideology with the mask on. They think it means these people are close to fully learning the "truth", and they see it as further evidence they have the truth the world is hiding. I think it's important to speak out against radical feminism in general, because they’re right; their ideology does seep out into the queer community.

Do you think there's any "good" radical feminism?

No. It sees women as the ultimate victim, rather than seeing gender as a tool to oppress different people differently. Radical feminism will always see men as the problem, and it is always going to do harm to men of color, gay men, trans men, disabled men, etc.

Women aren't a coherent class, and radfems are very panicked about that fact; they think it's going to be the end of us all. But what's wrong with that? That's like freaking out that white isn't a coherent group. It reveals more about you.

It's kind of the root of all exclusionism, the more I think about it, isn't it? Just freaking out that some group isn't going to be exclusive anymore.

Radical feminists believe that women are inherently better than men.

For TIRFs, it's gender essentialism. For TERFs, its bio essentialism. Both systems are fundamentally broken, and will always hurt the groups most at risk. Centering women and misogyny above all else erases the root causes of bigotry and oppression, and it erases the intersections of race and class. The idea that women are always fundamentally less threatening is very white and privileged.

It also ignores how cis women benefit from gender norms just as cis men do, and how cis men suffer from gender roles as well. It’s a system of control where gender non-conformity is a punishable offense.

hi. im sorry if this ends up being long i was wondering if i could get some advice.

ive been dealing with dysphoria for a while now and have been trying to figure myself out for a while now, bouncing between the trans movement and radfem blogs here and there to figure out what to do.

there was a blog i sent an ask to that told me that my using different pronouns, he/him, as well as she/her was me coping with internalised misogyny and that i was harming other women by using other desciptors for myself, even when i explained to them i suffer with social and some gender dysphoria, and that using those pronouns helps me alleviate it somewhat.

i understand and accept that my female sex is a reality and always will be. there are parts of me that love being born this way, but i still suffer with this dysphoria that flares up when im referred to with only feminine descriptors.

am i wrong for doing this? my dysphoria is unbearable alot of the time but with what they said, i feel guilty somehow. honestly im at a point where i dont even know who i am anymore...

do you have any advice for just... finding confidence while dealing with so much dysphoria and confusion like this?

thanks

Your situation is extremely similar to mine. You are not a bad person. You are a victim of the patriarchy and also your mental illness, gender dysphoria. Seeing as you are completely aware of your female sex and don't pretend you are a biological male, I don't understand why other radfems make such a big deal around pronouns. Pronouns, at the end of the day, are just words. We cannot change sex, but we can change the words used in reference to us, which alleviate our dysphoria. I don't know, it just seems pretty ridiculous that radfems on the one hand profess that sex can never change and women can never escape the patriarchy, and then lose their shit because someone with a crippling mental illness would rather be referred to as "he".

As to the people who are shaming you, it honestly feels as low as picking on someone with anorexia. It's not their fault they have that illness, even if they cope with it by giving in to society's expectations (losing weight). Neither is gender dysphoria your fault. Plus, shaming you for preferring male pronouns is like saying "by being anorexic, you are shaming overweight women! You should go back to being overweight!" as if that isn't going to send that person into a miserable spiral while everyone else can stay on their high moral horse.

You can always message me to vent. As far as I'm concerned, the most realistic current solution is for trans people to be considered their birth sex legally and biologically, but socially presenting as the opposite*. (If they can learn to cope with their dysphoria without transition, that's an added bonus.)

Good luck, my friend!

*with some limits such as trans women not entering female-only spaces, or trans men not entering spaces for gay males

whats ur opinions on radfems, the whole swerf terf thing

you’re really asking the real questions here huh anon. with any internet discourse there is a tendency to dive deeper and deeper and to go further and further into layers of abstraction that lead to theories and moral viewpoints that are entirely divorced from the real world. people all over the internet are guilty of this sort of insanity spiral and as such its hard for me to form opinions that are actually based in the reality of what most “radical” or “moderate” feminists think, bcus all of us get exposed predominantly to the thoughts that are the most online, the ones deepest in that insanity spiral, because they are the ones that rise to the top of internet discussion. that said- i follow a lot of radfem blogs for a few reasons. firstly i think the sorts of discussions they have are more rooted in the real world. i think problems such as women in the developing world having equal access to education are a lot more important and pressing and worthy of my attention than reading about the diversity wins! of the us military and other such ideas. secondly i find that radfem blogs just tend to be funnier. im here mostly to laugh and not to educate myself.

as for the specifics of swerfs/terfs- one of my closest friends is a sex worker, i have spoken to her a lot about her career. it’s a dangerous one and she’s known a lot of girls who have lost their lives to dangerous clients, but also i know she doesn’t regret her work. it works for her, but we both agree that for the majority of women sex work doesn’t work for them. i generally think that purchasing sex should be illegal but being a sex worker shouldn’t be punished. in a society where no one had to worry about their financial security i dont think there would be any sex workers.

as for terfs/trans rights/etc, my thoughts are generally that most discussion on these issues is pretty fucking retarded. i dont really believe in the idea of gender and i do think that men and women are going to have some innate behavioural differences (but i dont think they’re particularly significant), i believe that the status of being a man and being a woman is purely based on your physicality and i think that the socialisation that we receive based on our physical sex is the most important part in determining what it “is” to be a woman or a man. i dont believe in universal experiences shared by all men or all women because that’s too simplistic a way of looking at the world. from what i can tell the medical ethics around transitioning seem pretty fucked up especially with respect to how much profit bio-pharma companies make from it.

i think a lot of people would describe what im saying as transphobic and to that i’d say that accepting everyone’s lived reality isn’t the most important thing in the world and if you focus exclusively on that you’ll get bad results. i dont have any ill will towards trans people but i do disagree with how they view the world.

but remember i’m just a sailor. my area of expertise is centrifugal pumps and fuel oil purifiers, not how we ought to construct a better society

the recent issues that have sprung up around elliot and his new gender identity have a lot of terfs and similar transphobes talking all this shit about gnc lesbians and transmasc folks and i find myself feeling guilty for calling myself a trans man at all, but i really dont know why. am i doing something wrong by identifying like i do? it feels right, but i really don't want to hurt anybody by doing it (3/3)

Honestly? Stuff everybody else. TERFs especially. You do what is right for you, my boy. You being yourself isn’t offensive to anybody else.

I have seen a man say identifying as a lesbian is offensive to men and that? Is the exact same energy that TERFs have when they say the stuff they do about trans masc people.

You’re good, little brother. It’s alright ❤️ you’re doing nothing wrong.

(1/?) Hi, I'm sorry if this is not ok, but I wanted to reach out to other kinky transmasc people. I've checked out r/ftmspunished on reddit and I've posted content there before. Sometimes, when I am horny, I like being misgendered/treated like a girl. But I deleted my reddit account because I always felt terrible after coming. I feel as if most of the men who would message me there are cis and really think I'm an actual woman. I feel as if trans people are nothing but a fetish to them.

(2/2) Also, most of them are not good at sexting? They ask for more and more pics of me doing this or that, but often the excitement goes away and I end up doing stuff without enjoying it. I feel guilty. I really like sexting like that. If I could find a reliable, trust worthy man who I know won't see me as a woman even if being misgendered gets me wet sometimes and who I can be sure won't do stuff like sharing my photos, that would be so good. I want to explore being submissive. But it's hard.

its totally okay to bring stuff like this up in my inbox ftr but oof, yeah. first of yall im glad that you had the strength to delete your reddit because that subreddit is garbage. the entire premise is just... awful. the first time i came across it i felt physically sick. not like, trans men being kinky and nasty, but just, the entire point of it is for trans men to offer themselves up for cis male consumption. it can be fun to post nudes or something like that and get comments and shit esp if youre into like exposure or humiliation (i’ve done it before through a dom who moderated comments) but that whole subreddit is just. such a toxic environment imo. like get better standards pls. cause i can tell you that you’re right and for the majority of the cis people on there its a fetish to them. even if they’re not necessarily transphobic otherwise, even if they see you as a man and know the kink doesnt change that, they are aroused by sexually degrading and misgendering trans people. thats a problem. and how commonplace it is is kinda just rebranded misogyny IMO, like misgendering kinks with transfem people are significantly less common.

but also, i totally get what you mean about the sexting. they just ask for pictures like they’re fucking ordering off a menu in a drive through. they want pics of this, and that, and you doing this, or wearing this, and give you little to nothing in return. its fucking boring and its not fun. i used to sext internet strangers a lot and i did some weird fucking shit just cause a guy asked me to bc i wanted validation. so my advice with that is to like. stop doing that entirely sndjkskdn its really not worth it and there are so many better ways of finding people to talk to. finding them through social media is usually good bc you can at least like vet them a little bit before you get into anything.

you just gotta find a guy. try looking around here, try fetlife (though my advice with using fetlife would be an entirely different post) and make a connection. bc fantasies involving misgendering and stuff involve a cis person being in the position of a violent oppressor, essentially, even in that fantasy setting. find someone you trust and like enough to GIVE that role. stuff like that subreddit revolve around cis people taking that role or assuming they deserve it when they dont. it can be hard and feel like youre hella pent up but keep kinks like that to private controlled spaces and relationships. thats my best advice to you. put yourself out there but save stuff like that for when someone’s checked your boxes.

also remember that a person having someone submit to them is a privilege. the idea that bottoms/subs should be grateful when a top/dom graces them with attention and/or their dick is fucking toxic as hell and creates unhealthy dynamics and expectations. 

Ramble ahead: We always hear about what a shitty person C*mille is (rightfully so, no abuser's actions should be forgotten) but we (or I) never hear about other women Magnus has dated. I mean, I think his insecurities are always there, it's very difficult to ignore them, but I'm sure he has dated women that weren't transphobic. Some people like to show Magnus as this person who's never been loved, and that's not true. Alec is different, of course, but he isn't the only person who's loved Magnus.

2/2 lmao Idk, I how do you feel about Magnus's insecurities while dating women? (I feel like dating men is a different subject, maybe with different insecurities)

you are absolutely correct! tbh i feel like we dont talk a lot about the women Magnus has dated because (apart from the malec-centrism) we dont really know about any other than Camille? like his named exes are Camille, George, Freddie Mercury, and I think that's it? i know he has girl exes in the books but i dont go by book canon etc etc

but i totally agree with you that it's very frustrating when people act like all of magnus' exes or even most were abusive or bad like. no! of course Magnus has had plenty of good relationships!!!! thats good and important!! hes been loved and hes been happy before, and that doesnt make Alec (or any of them, really) less special. he's had plenty of happy and fulfilling relationships in varying degrees, just like anyone else, and he VALUES these experiences, or else he wouldnt have his memento box. Magnus' exes are a part of his history and they're important okay, and i hate it when ppl try to erase that (altho i do love talking about Camille cuz you know. slut for angst and particularly exploring abuse and post-abuse dynamics. but you get what i mean). honestly it would be terrible if he's never had any good relationships before Alec, because like, thats horrible? and he deserves better? and it puts a kind of imbalance in their relationship where Magnus needs Alec to be loved, and like, no! i don't want that! I don't think Alec himself would want that! their relationship is healthy because every second they spend together is by choice, because they're their own people and theyre complete, okay, they dont need each other, they choose to be with each other because it makes them both happy

anyway, onto your actual question! i think Magnus has dated less women than men because of the simple fact that well, he's queer, and for most of his life he's lived as a queer man in a time where that was dangerous. so it was harder to find a woman he could date and be comfortable with (since a lot of queer women arent gonna be interested in him anyway) than it was a man, you know

but there are and have always been plenty of bi, not to mention straight-trans women (and bi ofc but that already falls under bi women lol), in the queer community, and i think those were his happiest/most fulfilling relationships with women. gnc woc (the mental image of Magnus dating butches is 😩😩😩👌👌👌👌👌👌) in particular, because, well. they get it

hmmm also the mental image of Magnus dating other immortal butch girls with a similar age is *chef's kiss*. especially gnc trans girls, since he's a gnc trans man himself. idk why but i have soft images in my head of Magnus and a girl sitting on top of a roof looking at night, talking about how gender was perceived in the culture/time each of them was born, and laughing at how crazy it is that things have changed so much, you know? making jokes about how it looks like mundanes can't keep their stories straight cuz every time they turn around there's a new rule, and laughing because they just feel so understood. and it's sweet

and Magnus putting his hands around her waist and laying his head on her shoulder and them just being all soft in this safe little space where they get to be fully themselves free of the constant performance that is existing as a queer poc in the world.... effervescent

of course theres been cishet girls as well (i mean Camille herself is implied to be one) and i feel like thats trickier, cuz cishet girls, well. they have a lot of expectations of what being in a relationship should be like, so many unspoken rules. even if they're not transphobic abusers, and they're actively supportive of him and all the facets of his identity, there's like. this kind of standart that they seem to live be. kind of like, well Magnus is a man, ergo, he will be The Man™®©. I think that would be his main insecurity, like, trying to live by these rules and not disappoint them, afraid that if he's not what they expect he'll lose their respect (even the ones who would never). It can get pretty damn tiring tbh, and i think those tend to last less, or just not be as good because theres either that constant gap, or he has to be guiding them through breaching it, and it can get exhausting

i mean of course thats what friends are for, and its not like these feelings arent present when he's with men, especially white and/or cis ones. not to mention the fact that he's a warlock. he's all but bound to have a partner who doesn't understand certain things because there are so many intersections to his identity, but you know. theres a certain dynamic that comes with Cis Straight Girls™, especially white ones, that's hard to shake off

so i think his main insecurities would be in those relationships, especially because you know, the tiredness of this constant game they might not even realize theyre playing because theyre so used to these unspoken rules also gets to him in general, and sometimes he just wants a break, and he feels a bit guilty about it but it's true (and it doesn't mean he isn't happy with them or doesnt love them, thats normal. but welp, monogamous ideals of love plus insecurities make him feel like if he feels tired of certain things, it means that he doesn't love them enough, and that's Bad™. i think that might also be something that comes up - his fear that hes evil and uncapable of loving, like his father said, because hes not loyal enough, even if he's always been painfully loyal. you know?). not to mention the usual drama of coming out as trans, or the immortality/warlock blues, etc

idk I'm not sure if i answered your question, i feel like this answer is all over the place lol but i did like talking about it so i hope that's worth something? and I'm always interested in the many aspects of Magnus' past and history, so :)

I'm sorry it came out really long I'm gonna send it by pieces we humans are split into these categories              M: male          and             F:        female these categories have different identites: M: can be man (gc or gnc) , diasphoric man, diasphoric man who had transitioned (trans women) F: can be woman (gc or gnc) , diasphoric woman, diasphoric woman who had transitioned (trans men). I'll send the rest

(other messages are under the keep reading)

now about sexualities: if someone is attracted to opposite category (regalredess of identity) : heterosexual someone attracted to people within the same category (regardless of identity) homosexuality      if it's within category M :gay      if it's within category F: lesbian *someone attracted to both categories (regardless of identity) : bisexual.

ps. some hot takes. *pansexuality is bisexuality with extra steps you're not special you're just pretentious *if you're NOT sexually attracted to any category but have romantic feelings you're ace (so just replace sexuality with romantic suffix in identities that fits you) *if you're ace and HETERO romantic you're not part of the LGBT cause you don't face any oppression for "not wanting to fuck but occasionally falling in love" if you do it's more likely because of your sex.

if you're ace and HETERO romantic you're not part of the LGBT cause you don't face any oppression for "not wanting to fuck but occasionally falling in love" if you do it's more likely because of your sex. example: that ace woman who was killed by her bf because sadly male entitlement to women's bodies is a thing. *ace homo/bi romantic people don't need the A since they're already in the L/G/B (and i read somewhere that it used to mean Ally

* q**r is a slur and explains nothing about you, having it in the LGBT acronym adds nothing (and I'm pretty sure the Q was meant to mean Questioning) also you never see someone refer to a black historical figure as "n***** icon" so why does the expression "q**** icon" exist to describe people who probably heard it as an insult their whole life till the day they died.

hey this is the anon who posted multiple times I'm trying to finish my thread since Tumblr only allows 5 anon asks per hour and i don't feel comfortable with public . . . reclaiming a slur means other people can't even pronounce it that's why lesbian don't say f*g and gay men can't say d*ke. if you wanna use it on yourself good but don't normalize people outside of the lgbt using it so freely and casually and if someone from the LGBT doesn't like you using it on them they're more than valid.

*if you having sex with your s/o can make human babies you're not homo anything. *if you're in a heterosexual relationship but both of you are bi you're part of the LGBT as individuals not a couple. and that's ok *bisexuals don't stop being bisexuals if they're in het or homo relationship. *gay is not an umbrella term. *puberty blockers = bad *transitioning kids = child abuse *doctors who see dysphoric people as a cash grab are scum *being non binary doesn't make any sense just say you're gnc

* I don't know much about intersex but I'm pretty sure it's just used by people to push their agendas and people rarely care like they should be about intersex people the T used to mean transvestite not Trangender .... and "straight" Ts are already either the L or G and if they're heterosexual Ts then don't face oppression because of sexuality per say so the T doesn't really fit now nowadays especially since people are more open to ppl wearing unconventional clothes

and the T of now compared to the rest of the letters doesn't fit (the first are about sexuality and the last is about expression) the T before belonged because it challenged the norms (and most of people from it belong to 2 letters in the LGBT) but since those norms have changed. *the T now should stand on its own as a movement (and occasionally intertwine with the LBG when it fits)

people deny sex based oppression but i find it ironic that in the T the only voices you hear are trans women especially "transbians" aka straight males and trans men are pushed to the side and degraded on a sex based level (example threats f**ced impregnation and stuff) and their only achievements that reach the news are pregnancy. trans women are given positions women position but trans men get nothing.

continued... people saying drop the T doesn't mean stop caring about trans people altogether or deny them basic human rights. but you can't sit around and let someone hijack your movement guilty trip you into sleeping with them. make you feel like a bigot for who you're sexually attracted to, work on erasing you. like you don't see white people representing the BLM (and they shouldn't) they can only support it as allies....

Segway back to pansexuality I said it somewhere else but here we go pan works in fictional settings especially sci-fi or fantasy let me explain by giving an example: SpongeBob aka the first time i heard about the term pan spongebob is a fucking taking sponge and interacts with different species within that universe like obviously his sexuality isn't gonna be limited to the human sex binary (some cartoons do but you get what i mean)....

same goes for loki who is pan and gender bending like duh the fucker not only ISN'T human he can switch to any entity, object, animal and shit the lore of marvel has living robots mutants gods animals spirits, pretty sure he gave birth to a horse once having someone attracted to personality makes sense then end of rant i just wanna say thanks for letting me post here and sorry for posting so much it ended up being 4.5k letters oof p.s if any ask was submitted publicly please make them anonymous

-------------------------------------------------

everything you said is absolutely true and you summed it all up well. it creeps me out when people label fictional characters as pan or ace or trans because not only is pan and ace not a real fucking thing, neither are those characters. idk its just creepy. 

thank you for taking the time to write this ll out and send it over to me. im happy to read anything else you have to say :) sorry i dont have much to say about all this i dont have the ability right now to think critically. 

oc details meme

i was tagged by @goblin-deity  ❤❤❤

and i’ll tag @star--nymph @bitchesofostwick @tk-duveraun @trvelyans and @gremlinquisitor no obligations of course 

lets see i’ve done idrilla and I THOUGHT I DID IT FOR ELLANIS TOO but i can’t find it soooo i’m gonna do it here

[art by fleshwerks] 

B A S I C S

full name: Ellanis Tabris

gender:  trans man

sexuality:  ellanis i have trouble with, he prefers men but women are Sometimes Okay but neither of us are sure if that’s bc he actually likes them or if he’s just dealing with compulsory heterosexuality

pronouns:  him/him

O T H E R S

family: his mother adaia died when he was roughly six but he has fond memories of her. cyrion has a strained relationship with him but ellanis Does love his father, even if they can’t see eye to eye on some things. obviously he loves zev enough to marry him, and their daughters -killian and adaia- mean absolutely everything to him.

birthplace: in the denerim alienage! 

job: before origins he was an artist, soris would sell whatever he painted in the market to the shems since ellanis wasn’t allowed out of the alienage. after origins he’s a warden, then warden-commander of ferelden, and then he’s a beach bum in antiva doing research ljljlkjlk

phobias: the circle -lack of freedom- and loosing control

guilty pleasures: sweets: it is the Most Open secret you can bribe ellanis with a warm pastry to do, or look over, a Great many things

hobbies: painting, reading, and spending time with the girls after they’re born

**M O R A L S

morality alignment?  neutral good

sins: Desire / Despair / Envy / Fear / Hunger / Pride / Rage / Sloth

virtues: Charity / Chastity / Diligence / Humility / Justice / Kindness / Patience

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert:  introverted as a rule

organized/disorganized:  tends more organized

close minded/open-minded:  open-minded, duh lkjljlkj

disagreeable/agreeable:  agreeable, within reason

cautious/reckless:  Really Cautious

patient/impatient:  patient to a large degree

outspoken/reserved:  far more reserved

leader/follower:  actually more of a leader! 

empathetic/unempathetic:  super empathetic

optimistic/pessimistic:  pessimistic

traditional/modern: mmmmmm, this is tough actually but i’d say he’s more modern-leaning than traditional. tradition kills people like him

hard-working/lazy:  he’s a hard workin lad!

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: ellanis/zevran.... as if i write about literally anything else

Acceptable ships: mmmm! ellanis/noure in an au where noure isn’t taken to the circle

ot3:  depends! i’m generally open to oc/oc ships but i don’t have any with ellanis currently to mash together with zev

ACTUALLY THIS IS A LIE ZEV/ELLANIS/NATE IS REALLY GOOD AND @whatthefenris HAS SOME SUPER WELL WRITTEN MAHARIEL/ZEV/NATE WHICH TURNED ME ON TO THE SHIP

brotp:  with sten, morrigan, and shale from the og crew, nate and anders and sig from awakening, dorian and bull and sera in the ellanis as quizzy au

notp: with any templar, but other than that not really