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are-we-really-doing-this · 6 months

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hey dude i read that fic you bookmarked on ao3 and i hate to admit it but its good. i wasn't into it in a sexual way but both men are just so pathetic, awkward, yet intimate to one another the way only deeply dysfunctional freaks can do and i end up enjoying the bits of character study peppered in between. i thought it would be a one and done deal, but i can't stop thinking about it. i read it again a few days later, and the day after, and i think i might be developing a new kink. too bad i dont know who the author is on tumblr, or else i would give this glowing review to them instead.

but now i can't look at the gifs i saved out of a misguided sense of embarrassment and slight guilt. a part of me is still prudish. do you know how to get over stuff like this?

btw yeah, it's the fic with the shit (literal) that got me acting this crazy.

Anon I’m so glad you decided to check it out, I don’t think a single one of my bookmarks is a bum steer (if y’all want some recs my handle is in my bio *wink wonk nudge nudge*). More under cut, it just felt a wee bit long.

About the whole ‘coming to terms with what you’re into’ thing, I have been in your exact shoes before and I guarantee you won’t be the last. For me it was just a matter of time, getting past the initial shock, and noticing more and more things that remind you of it and deciding whether or not you really do like it. Eventually you might start coming up with scenarios yourself or you might find yourself seeking out things that scratch the itch but it’s really about time, thinking it over, and some exposure if you’re comfortable. I’ve found that talking with other people who are already into or open to what you might be interested in helps a lot so feel free to dm me or anyone you’d be comfortable to talk with about it. Just know that if you do end up finding yourself with a new kink that you’re not weird or gross for it in any derogatory sense of the word. PLENTY of good people share gross kinks and if it really does something for you it can be a wonderful thing. I think it’s generally our nature, or at least we are taught, to be prudish and if you want to challenge that then by all means, tear it up. I know I have.

Now, about that fic, funny thing. You may or may not already know, but the author has just posted another fic quite similar to that one with the same pairing so I suggest you check out the author’s works tab. It is a goodie, imma go read it again actually. They have many other amazing fics, some of which contain more grossness which they are pretty much the grandmaster of. If you do like that fic and their others, I suggest you go leave Stink a comment or bookmark on the new or any other fic, I’m sure they’d love to hear it.

#this was a good ask #thanks for dropping by #they really are pathetic it’s just the best #the way they write just takes hold on your soul if it clicks for you #damn sure did it to me #my anonz #fanfic

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twisted-in-wonderland-jay · 2 years

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Just saw the birthday ask with scarabia and cater and i loved it! May i request that same concept with jack,sebek,trey,azul and rook? I saw in ur rules that we can only request up to 5 characters but if u dont wanna do all of them feel free to choose which ones u want! :)

No it’s totally fine I’m good with doing this. The only reason why I have the five character rule is per ask, it doesn’t mean you can’t do separate asks. This is so that my request to get out faster plus there’s a cap to how much you can write on a tumblr post.

Jack

My boy Jack!!!! I couldn’t tell it first either he would be OK with it or not because he does come from a bigger family so I figure he probably celebrates a lot of birthdays but it can also be kind of stressful so he doesn’t mind that you don’t wanna celebrate your birthday. The main reason why he understands because he Personally doesn’t treat himself on his birthday or anything. He’s a completely understanding person and he’s totally chill with it treats it like a normal day unless you actually want to go do something regardless of it being your birthday and he’s totally down for that.

Sebek

(somebody’s after my heart thank you for requesting Sebek no one ever does that) it’s OK that you don’t want your birthday celebrated because he’s actually like really busy all of the time not just taking care of Malleus and making sure he’s OK but also with duties at Diasomnia so he’s okay with not doing anything special. However he is not OK with doing nothing, it’s some point during the day he stops by the dorm and tells you happy birthday and that he hopes that you and him can continue to celebrate another birthday the next year and all of that good stuff. Get you a little gift it’s just a simple charm but it is charming… No pun intended. The charm is that of a lightning bolt and it’s for you for any time he’s not around you always feel comforted by him.

Trey

Immediately he’s like run that by me again I’m not quite understanding. Because for every single birthday and then birthday he bakes he makes stuff he wants that person to feel good during their birthday and everything this is it first time he’s ever encountered someone who didn’t want a birthday party. For you he really didn’t want to plan a big birthday or anything like that he just wanted you and your friends to have a good time, but now that he knows you don’t want one at all, he’s chill with just hanging out however he didn’t make a lot of desserts so you might have to eat all those. He acts like he doesn’t care that you don’t want a birthday but he’s kind of bummed out like he was going to buy decorations and everything. All the desserts that he made are actually just for you so it’s perfectly fine to eat all of them yourself and it’s just gonna be the two of you talking away.

Azul

He completely understands that you don’t wanna to birthday sometimes you just don’t wanna be the center of attention and that’s OK more attention for him LOL. However you end up telling him the day of because after he found out when your birthday is he was really excited and wanted to take you to a nice restaurant and go have some fun. He profusely apologizes because he had no idea that you weren’t a huge fan of your own birthday and that he is sorry that he was mistaken and then if you feel uncomfortable or anything like that that he didn’t mean any ill will. However even if you decide you don’t wanna go or anything he did get you a gift because you’ve been eye it for a while and got it for you. It’s funny because the couple days after you saw it you went back to go by it but it was gone so you are kind of bummed out until you found out he bought it for you.

Rook

“Oh? I see?” He’s not into birthday parties or anything so he doesn’t mind not doing anything special. However He doesn’t want to do nothing so he insists on going to the words behind campus and reading to you it does not do poetry that’s whatever book or media you enjoy. He just wants to read to you because his favorite thing that you’ve commented on is his voice. The one time you commented on his voice gave him such a big ego boost that he just reads to you all the time. He packs a lunch and a blanket and anything you could possibly need for the day because he wants you to be treated like the royalty you are without being too overbearing, he’s not your servant but he did bring everything you could’ve wanted just in case.

#twisted wonderland #diasmonia #heartslabyul #savanaclaw #azul ashengrotto #octavinelle #jack howl #sebek zigvolt #pomefiore #rook hunt

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swampgallows · 5 years

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blizzcon recap, basically a big stream of consciousness text dump while i still remember things and i will make a refined post later i think

Thursday morning I went to bed around 3am, woke up at 630am, and then again at 730am to board my 840am train bound for anaheim. I had originally intended to drive myself to the con but decided against it, as I didn’t want to pay $60 for parking nor endure the stress of driving on the freeway solo for the first time.

I took a lyft to my hotel and met up with sun (who gave me kandi!!!) and their husband aaron, then we went to claim our badges and make some store purchases.

after feverishly texting reglei we caught sight of each other in line, got tired of waiting, then made our way to disneyland. there we met up with zach and kept missing fitze by mere moments; finally caught fitze & friends at the river belle terrace (a place i have never been in before because despite my many years of being a passholder, there was never a reason or time for a sit-down restaurant experience at disney, so when i opened the door i IMMEDIATELY closed it thinking i was intruding on a private dinner event LMAO). we knocked out everything on the western side of the park (including a fry-filled splash mountain) and got some good pics. the ride on indy was one of the best i’ve had in years: no stalling, great speed, and tons of jerks that nearly threw me out of the jeep hell yeah. perce made it to disneyland in the evening and we got to enjoy space mountain, star tours, a second round of pirates, a VERY invigorated spin on the teacups, then left at closing. zach generously dropped us all off at our individual hotels before heading out himself.

around 2am i woke up convulsing with an anxiety attack and took half a med. i was scared i had woken up sun and aaron but they were coincidentally also awake. after some talking and goofing off with them we made the very informed decision to postmates some del taco to the hotel at 3am. my god was it worth it. i had selected the “fries and secret sauce” option, unaware that these ingredients were not sides, but components to be added to the inside of the burrito. wasn’t bad!

7am wake up for day 1 of the con. met for “breakfast” with perce and reg at the hilton starbucks, which said that they accepted rewards but then didn’t :| i sincerely dont even remember what we did first as everything in the con was so purely awesome and overwhelming. The opening ceremony brought tears to my eyes, of course, as it displayed “WELCOME HOME” on every stage. We mostly just traveled around the con, taking pics, learning the layout, and mentally digesting everything. We attended the VA panel in the early afternoon which was a GREAT decision (no spoilers if you haven’t watched the virtual ticket stream yet!!!) and then made our way to the main stage, where we parked for a good 5-6 hours for the WoW and HotS “What’s next?” panels, then the following WC3 reforged insight panel and, finally, the entire community night. i really want to make sure i grab clips of some of darin de paul’s mcing that night because the man was sawing at my heartstrings like a viola bow. i got very close to crying many times. have no fear put on another amazing performance—this time a wow track called “war mode”—and won the talent contest! we had the privilege of running into them after the performance to congratulate and get some pics w them. i also met up with hinz who i haven’t seen in forever and we got to talk about his brewing and the con! had blaze pizza for dinner then passed out.

breakfast at coco’s for day 2 of the con, this time with sun and aaron in tow. all i needed was hot cocoa and a slice of dark chocolate chip cheese pie. it was...so goddamn good. we started off the con with the warcraft sounds panel featuring the zone of drustvar and concluded with some great performances by david arkenstone and the tavern band. they performed the zandalari zocalo music and bloodsail, an old favorite! we puttered around the darkmoon faire until the build-a-panel featuring zone design in warcraft but couldn’t hear anything due to the acoustics of the stage, so i left to pick up my blink purchases with fitze. there i met a girl wearing kandi and traded with her; she gave me a rubber bracelet from a podcast she’d attended called ‘pwncast’ that reads ‘we bow to no one’ which is VERY garrosh. other than that we had a grand old time of waiting in a line we didnt have to wait in and then made our way back for the warcraft Q&A. the second i saw metzen i immediately screamed with awe and terror and then sobbed into my lap. perce and reg comforted me, and the rest of the panel was fairly uneventful. I think i was the one human being who shouted ‘woo!’ at the scott johnson’s mention of his interviews with metzen, lol. we were waiting for meggo to have a chance to ask her question but she didn’t get the opportunity :(

after the q&a we went over to the unofficial tumblr meetup organized by questifer which was a huge privilege and a lot of fun, and we even made some new friends. i spilled my spaghetti about garrosh to actual blizzard quest developers and im very embarrassed that i did. lmao. i really liked the casual atmosphere of just chilling on the floor though. fitze had to leave halfway through :( but the quest discussion went on for almost 2 full hours. it was really a humbling opportunity.

by that time, the closing ceremonies were underway. reg and i missed out on the hots finals so we just bummed around the overwatch arena for a bit just to see the thing and catch a few minutes of kristian nairn’s set. again, cool stuff, but nothing i can go nuts to lmao. it’s questing music to me. on our way out of the hots stage i ran into a dude wearing KIKWEARS and gave him kandi!! it was awesome lmao. we spent some ducats at the darkmoon faire, but the real prize was won as we were walking out and scored the literal actual absolute last three available boxes of lucio-ohs!!! mine had a hole punched in it so we ate a bit of it before returning to blaze pizza for dinner again. the cereal tastes like lucky charms to me! it’s very sweet, but good!

sunday morning perce, reg, and i secured a breakfast at dennys. when i went up to pay the check i saw the cashier was wearing a piece of kandi and i had the perfect piece for her, the “short stack” piece with the pancake eraser. she traded me the one piece she was wearing (!) which said ‘insomniac’ (obv haha). i made that kandi a while ago and it feels like it was fate for this moment to arrive. reg and perce and i all parted ways back to our individual hotels. i was just chilling in the lobby when i saw a woman wearing kandi, so i went over and introduced myself. she traded me a piece that said mermaid on it, due to my “mermaid hair” :> we started talking about phat pants and she said her daughters now wear the pairs she used to wear! and the kandi she chose was the “a book for ants” with the miniature bible on it, as she found it appropriate for her halloween “christian protest” where she blasted tchami and malla and had a totem that encouraged ‘sinners’ to dance with her, lol.

i excused myself for the restroom and she invited me to “come back and hang out!” so i did!! and when i returned the group was playing a fun card game called chameleon. and have no fear was playing with them!! daniella, one of the performers from the talent contest (they sang the song about vanilla wow), had also joined us. so i got to play the game with a few members of the group and made some new friends, leigh (who gave me kandi) and jaime/ace, who i talked to about old school raving and kandi for a bit. there was a point where everyone but ace went up to the room for their luggage so it was just the two of us sitting there talking, and a pair of guys came up to us holding some merch. “Do you guys want these? we bought too many loot crates.” i was stunned!! they handed me a shadow plush and a clip-on ganymede to ace.

when they all returned, they were trying to plan what to do next, and i told them i had to grab a lyft and start heading to the train station. leigh offered me a ride there!!! i really felt PLUR for the first time in ages, lmao. we all hugged each other and said our goodbyes.

arriving at the train station, i ran into other blizzcon people and we talked about wow the ENTIRE ride home. for the first leg of the journey it was a super full train and we all had to stand but it was okay. we were all enthusiastically talking about wow with zero awkward pauses or any points of contention. it was so amazing just thriving on each other’s hype. at one point another person on the train said “do you guys play this game or MAKE this game?” because we were talking about it in such detail LOL. we all traded battletags before i had to go. it felt really amazing to be able to just literally talk to strangers about something i love and have such an amazing conversation like that. it felt so awesome to just be connecting to people so deeply all the time.

im going to try to preserve the memory of being able to connect to people like that, as i came home and felt isolated and disconnected from everything again. i want to keep riding the coattails of this positivity as long as i can so i’m not going to go into the details of that. a lot of us really felt we could come out of our shells; i kept stressing how “safe” blizzcon was; with all of the focus i’ve been making in therapy on vulnerability, connection, isolation, and the need to feel worthy of being loved, i want to keep these memories at the forefront while i try to forge a better future for myself.

i really hope i can go again next year!

#blathering #blizzcon

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blazinginbus1 · 7 years

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what are ur top ten favorite zouis moments and why are they your favorites? :)

Buckle up, sweetcheeks, You’re in for a wild ride.

1. “…And I Love You.”

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This is my favorite, by far. Cant explain to you why, but seeing how naturally that came to mind for Louis, how randomly he chose to say it, just strikes me really hard in the heart. Like, he just wanted to remind Zayn how much he loves him, and is glad he’s with them. Then, you see how quickly Z goes from smiling and being silly, to looking at Louis with utter genuineness, “…I Love You, Too.” LIKE…how does this not play on your Zouie emotions?

2. Just play with his hair, Zayn, dammit!

Do I really need to explain why I love this? Like…? Probably couldn’t if I tried, but the fact that Louis was unspokenly prodding Zayn to pet him was too much sweetness in one moment. And knowing Zayn, he does as he’s asked and rakes his hands though. PLEASE, you two.

3. “You want a spring roll, bebz?”

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The entire Zouis moment is great! But, what i love most about it was seeing how adorable they looked feeding each other!

Do you see how tenderly Louis brings the food to Zayn’s mouth? Just nimble little fingers bringing the food right to Zayn’s lips. And like a fresh, newborn spring deer, Zayn takes the food, then offering some back. If you wanna factor in Harry ‘getting jealous,’ so be it. But this is undoubtedly a Zouis moment, full stop. Not a care of anyone else in that room besides the other.

4. The Kiss Down Under

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You can literally never ever, ever make me forget this happening. The visuals, the sounds, the kissing. Its all permanently burned into my brain. I can understand Louis throwing his arm over Zayn’s shoulder. What I DONT GET is why Zayn kissed it. He deadass kissed his hand, loud enough to make a sound. The sound of his LIPS smacking against Louis’ hand. How Charming of you, Zayn. To make it even worse, though; Louis acts like a giggly little school boy getting away with something he shouldn’t on the playground. they seal the deal by Louis dragging Zayn away playfully after the interview, off to cause more trouble.

5. Pucker up, pretty paper boy!

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It’s silly, but it’s also very cute, and very playful. Louis simply could not deal with not drumming up the theatrics, so of course he had to bring in the kissy sounds while their paper dolls made out. But, judging by that look on Zayno’s face, he didn’t much mind it. : )

6. “What Is The One Thing You Can Not Live Without?”

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Ughhhh….We all knew this was coming. We did. And when i watched the video back just now, I literally had to hold my head in my hands and sigh for literally two minutes. I simply have NO words to describe this moment. Do you? Does anyone?? It’s all too much sometimes, how serious and out of left field that response was. Louis wasn’t expecting it, that’s for damn sure. He thought Zayn would come up with some silly, throwaway joke like Niall. BOOOY, did he play himself. Zayn literally looked Louis in the eye, put on a serious face, and answered it as heartfelt as he could. Simply, “You.”

Zayn literally couldn’t imagine not having Louis in his life. Let that settle in your brain. He needed, and still does, need Louis in his life. That makes him happy. And Louis actually was so stuuned Zayn would choose him, he had to clarify whether he meant the fans and not him. “Cause surely he wouldn’t mean me,” Louis thinks. But he did. and pulled Louis into a warm hug. This is one of the most adorable Zouis moments ever. They love each other so much!

7. The Broz and That Balloon

Now, listen….This is a moment I truly cannot comprehend. I simply cant understand why. For some unknown reason, Tumblr only allows five videos in a post, so i’ve linked it here. It literally is such an underappreciated moment. Please, for my sanity, PLEASE look at Zayn’s hand on the back of Louis’ head. And wallow in the pain with me. That balloon is merely acting as a thin, latex barrier between their love. The verge of a kiss, i will never get over it!

8. The Mystery Machine!

Oh, my my! What a fantastic time that was when they revealed they combined their money and ideas to get a personalized, monogrammed, decked out Mystery Machine! Again, video linked here. But truly? We did not know true Zouis happiness until we watched their faces in this video.

They were like two kids in a candy store. All the gadgets, devices, and comforts one two would need for a night of booze and blunts, coffee and video games. I, truly, cannot say enough about this, but i’ll just leave it at this. The Mystery Machine still resides at Louis’ London home; while Zayn, to this day, commemorates it with a tiny, toy version to remind him of what they still have.

9. Soft Bros AT Spin Radio

This one is...Goodness. I have never seen them so touchy-feely before. Louis was so needy that day. Draping himself over Zayn,

Zayn draping himself over Louis,

butting heads, in the cutest way, of course,

And even getting a little handsy,

I couldn't tell you why, but they were in their feels that day. Video here. My brain has successfully short-circuited, so i cant explain why these gifs are everything, but you can all clearly see how touchy and close they were that early on. Blows my mind!

10. Got Your Back, Bro.

This is a sweet one to wrap up. I couldn't tell you why this makes me so happy to see always, but it does.

I die twice over every time Louis goes in for a *pat-pat* on Zayn’s bum after fixing his pants. Is that typical dude bro behavior? I dunno, but its cute. Video here, as well. It’s such a simple gesture, but not one you’d be comfortable with just anyone doing to you. Which is why it caught Zayn so off-guard, but once he knew it was his Lou, its was all fine. I love this.

Anywho, this has gone on WAY too far, and my brain hurts from how much Zouis i had to re-digest. But it was worth every minute. They are the cutest, and you cannot simplify them and their relationship in just a few videos and gifs, but there’s surely so much i HAVENT talked about, but we'll save that for another day. Thank you for asking, gorgeous, i hope this was worth the read!

#answered #anonymous #long post #I KNOW #we don't have to say it #i say it enough when i go overboard on an ask #anywho #enjoy the Zouis #Embrace the Zouis #Zouis #OTP: WIZZO!

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elementalheroneos · 7 years

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Why do u care so much about killing stalking if u don't like it tho? Why don't u just ignore it? Not being mean just wondering

Ok so this is going to be long bc the whole “Don’t like it? Ignore it.” shtick has annoyed and frustrated me for months and I’m just going to vent it out now. I’m sorry anon if this comes off as angry bc it’s not directed at you, but again, this has bothered me for months now and I feel like more people are just going to say this until I put all this out there.

Also if this ends up in the main tag bc tumblr is a broken website: I don’t care what any of you nasties think and I don’t want to interact with you, so why don’t you all help me ignore it by blocking me and moving on.

TLDR tho: Ki////ing Sta///king makes me extremely uncomfortable and seeing people support it and the abuse in it scares me. I’d love more than anything to be able to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist, but because of its popularity, it is impossible to avoid unless I completely change my life. So because I have to be exposed to it against my will, I’m going to grit my teeth and express discomfort with vent posts on the internet and involve myself with people who also dislike it.

If I were to try and ignore it tho, I would pretty much have to delete all social media and avoid most of the internet. Tumblr has recommended blogs about it to me, the main tag trends when it updates, i’ve gone into tags completely unrelated to the manhwa and seen crossover stuff, when it came out I had to unfollow 15 people who posted it, just a week ago someone who posted it followed me (despite me having it in my byf to not follow me if you enjoy it), people have interacted with my posts with icons of the characters, and so on and so forth. As far as I remember I’ve only directly gone looking at the main fandom/character tags on tumblr/instagram about 6 or 7 times since it became popular. One was when I first heard about it and was looking through the tag to see wtf it was. 2 or 3 were because I got into such a distressed state that I was trying to block as many people who supported it as I could so that they would never interact with me. 1 or 2 were to actually know what was going on to have an informed opinion. And the last one was bc y00bum-in//drag was saying that no one said anything like my vent post so I searched keywords to get screenshots. Beside that the only time I willingly look at it is also if someone’s blog pops up on a post on my dash who is a fan I might look at it for a moment because it’s already there in my face.

I really don’t actively look for that shit tbh it’s more it finds me. And the same goes for instagram and facebook and even I think I saw someone with a character dragon/icon on flight rising??? And uhh instagram allows you to block zero tags so guess how many times it’s come up there with cosplayers (and guess how many had self harm sfx makeup that freaked me out :) ) I’ve also had people message me/my friends about cosplay advice and commissions and saw posts about it on their blogs.

I cannot avoid it at all on the internet, and to an extent the same thing goes for irl. I enjoy cosplaying and want to use as a springboard for my dream career in costume design and construction. I also work for an anime vendor booth and go to almost every con in my state and even some out of states. My boss knows zero about k////s and tbh he wouldn’t care about what it was/if me and my friends who also work for him were made uncomfortable by it. So when cosplayers show up to our booth, we can’t just leave to avoid them. We can’t tell them to leave because were extremely uncomfortable either. It’s basically a retail job so we have to smile and help sell things to them. One con for 2 days straight a pair of sang///woo and yoon////bum couple cosplayers kept coming back to our booth every 2-3 hours and hanging out for 20 minutes straight because we were the only booth at that convention selling yoi merchandise. Our boss even encouraged us to keep trying to get them to come back and buy more since they spent so much money. It was honest to god awful??? Like all three of us just kept praying they’d leave and not come back every time they showed up cause we did not want to see them. Esp when they would also loiter by our booth to talk to friends and do shippy things and joke about the abuse in the comic.

I also was talking to a really popular cosplayer once who also is uncomfortable with k////s and he told me that a yoon//////bum cosplayer ran and tackled him at a con and damaged his cosplay. Or I had the scare of my life when I was going under a table to sort through the boxes and I came up to a yoon////bum cosplayer right there with wrist bandages and felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

And also umm going off that and onto a semi tangent: do you have any idea how many k/////s cosplayers love using self harm as a prop????? Ever since the chapter with self harm came out I have yet to see a yoon////bum cosplayer without wrist bandages (bloody or not) including that one that kept coming back for 2 days which is god awful. Esp considering one of my friends who works at the booth is extremely triggered by that stuff. Anytime we see yoon////bum cosplayers now we have to go out of our ways to avoid our friend seeing it by either getting them to switch tables or trying to distract them all while WORKING and helping customers. And ofc one with bloody wrist bandages went right up to their booth one time when they weren’t looking and when my friend looked back bc they realized a customer was there they had to sit and help them purchase something before going to the bathroom because they were having a panic attack and needed to get away from that. And ofc the rest of us had to cover for them and pretend to our boss they were just taking a bathroom break. So uh yeah not fond and if you think I can ignore that….. what world do you live in???? It’s in my face on the internet and at cons I attend to enjoy and at my job.

Even though this has gotten super long I’m going to say this one thing before someone jumps on my dick for it: “But Ceili, why do you follow/interact with anti k////s blogs???? Lmao you secretly enjoy it/want to see it” Bc like I’ve said above, I have zero way to completely ignore it. If I’m going to be forced to see it against my will, I want to see it through people who also hate it bc its a huge comfort to know that some people don’t get off to the abuse and torture of a gay man and think its disgusting as well. I’m not going to just internalize and try to pretend I’m not disgusted and uncomfortable for the sake of protecting poor k//////s fans’ feelings. I’m going to vent about it and I’m going to talk to other people about why I hate it because it helps make me feel safer and allows me to get shit out. Anti blogs also talk about the contents of the manwha so that I can stay informed without reading it/having to see posts about it because if you dare try to criticize it and say you dislike it without reading it every fan jumps down your throat with “Youre making assumptions!!!!! You don’t actually know anything!!!!! Stop lying about my favs!!!!!” I also sometimes like reading anti’s posts bc there are times where I have problems articulating my feeling so seeing someone else write it out more cohesively than I can helps me sort things out so that I’m not thinking as much about how I feel and what I’m trying to say about this garbage bc someone already said it. And also if a fan is saying something extremely nasty, yes I’m going to sometimes jump in bc I’m at that point already upset and angry.

So yeah again: I legit cannot ignore it and once I see it I can’t stop thinking about it until my discomfort passes which can either be for a few minutes or a few hours depending on the situation. Unless all fans go and keep their content super private and dont put it out there which yall will never do, we’re at a stand still and if you want me to not continue to talk about this block me and dont interact bc I want to move on with this and be done already.

#ceili speaks #killing stalking //#self harm //#long post #sorry if anything is unclear/confusing I wrote this mostly rushing

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