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#i didn't have any grasp of what sexuality was in general. i thought it was like a social construct or a game i was sometimes bad at

hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 8 months

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Mr. (Not so) Perfectly Fine

AN: Not sure where this came from, but here we are. Maybe one day I'll write Josh in a non-toxic way lol. Also tagging Kai @lovelyhan because it's the law. I joked about writing a series of fics based on Taylor Swift songs. This fic isn't part of that idea. I just thought this title felt fitting (it's based off of a Taylor Swift song for anyone unaware).

Synopsis: Falling in love with Joshua was easy. It came to you easier than breathing. It's no wonder, then, that when he offers you a fraction of his affection after shattering your heart months ago, that you would grasp for it. Regardless of the consequences.

General tags and warnings: Joshua Hong x Fem! Reader, not super relevant to the plot but, this is a Non-Idol AU, exes to exes with benefits, elements of angst, Josh is emotionally constipated, Soonyoung and Seungkwan featuring as supportive but, tired friends, discussions around Reader having low self-esteem and being self-loathing at times, discussions around an unhealthy relationship and returning to it, alcohol and alcohol consumption, Seokmin featuring as a genuinely good guy who probably deserves better and discussions around jealousy and possessiveness on Josh's end.

Smut tags: mentions of throatfucking, mentions of piv sex with a condom (I know who am I?), mentions of a Daddy kink, it's implied that Josh is pretty self-centered (generally but, sexually more specifically) but, that does get remedied later, nipple play (f. receiving), Reader sucks on Josh's fingers, praise (f. receiving), implications of Reader being a bit of a masochist, Reader sits on Josh's face, overstimulation (f. receiving), pet names, dirty talk, begging, piv sex without a condom, marking (f. receiving), biting (f. receiving) and creampie.

Word count: 8514 (...I don't want to talk about it.)

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

The first time you found yourself at Joshua's doorstep was an innocuous Thursday evening. The sun had begun its descent on the horizon when you began the familiar route to his apartment building. You're not entirely sure what possessed you to knock on his front door, or what had possessed you to drive there to begin with. However, when he swung his door open, dressed in nothing but, a simple black shirt that clung a little too tightly to his broad chest and some grey sweats. Surprise colouring his handsome face, you knew it was too late to back away now.

To your shock, however, Josh had let you in without much question. Stepping aside wordlessly, you took the very obvious invitation. The sight of his living room was familiar in a way that churned the pit of your stomach. You weren't going to fall apart in his living room like the way you had when he broke up with you. You wouldn't allow yourself to. Wasn't it pathetic enough that you'd come grovelling back to him without much of a reason as to why? That you're likely about to have the most uncomfortable conversation that you've had in your entire life?

You're not sure what you'd expected from Joshua. He joined you on his couch, always too white for your liking but, didn't say anything. You weren't sure if he'd been waiting for you to explain why you're at his place after close to four months of next to zero contact.

Idiot. Of course he was.

"I," you start but, the words never seemed to find you. You focused on the pictures that decorated his wall. Choosing to look at anywhere that wasn't him at the risk of losing your already fickle train of thought. Pictures of him in suits with different friends and business partners. His work smile working overtime in all of them as he'd been showered with endless awards and promotions.

His work had always been the love of his life.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," were the first words he'd uttered to you in months. That had caused you to whip your head to face him. Reading Joshua was a skill you had never been able to master.

Master? You doubt you'd even be considered an amateur at it after a year of being with him.

His face betrayed little but, a barely there glimmer of understanding bled through that even you managed to catch. Understanding is an emotion you wouldn't typically associate with the someone like him. However, it flickers across his too handsome face nonetheless.

Perhaps you should've consulted an exorcist because before you know it, you're not sure what caused you to kiss him. You two have barely spoken, and there you were, gripping his shirt like a lifeline and kissing him on his stupid couch as the figures in his photographs act as spectators. You were going to apologise. You were going to erase him for good from your brain and dig a hole for yourself to crawl into.

But, then he'd kissed you back. His kiss, much like him, wasn't all passion and desperation. It was slow. Methodical. His soft lips refamiliarising themselves with your mouth once more gradually. As if he had all of the time in the world. Testing to see if this would be worth it. If you would be worth it.

Whatever he had been looking for during his exploration, he seemingly found because before you knew it, you found yourself amidst the sheets of his bed. Cool, navy blue sheets acting as a balm to your far too hot skin while his large hands mapped the expanse of your body. His heavy cock bruised the back of your throat before you found yourself arched for him with your face in one of his soft pillows and his long fingers in your hair. After months of no sex, specifically no sex with him, it took you a few long moments to adjust to the sting he provided.

From then, it was bliss.

His pillow muffling your whimpers and moans. Cries of 'Joshua' and 'Josh' and 'Daddy' were partially swallowed by the soft material. Your fingernails clawed at his sheets while he found relief in your body. His hips stuttered into you and filling the condom he had hurriedly put on, especially when the last title had hit his ears.

The two of you dressed in silence. The ruffling of your clothing and the sounds of the city all that you had to comfort you. When you stood on unsteady legs to leave, he hadn't walked you out. Not that you expected him to but, that didn't stop the sting from developing behind your eyes and your throat from growing tight.

Bliss was so, so easy to come back to. And come back, you did. You and Joshua still hadn't spoken all that much. Not putting any labels on... whatever tentative understanding the two of you had. You simply show up to his apartment, and he knows what you're here for. If you can't have him the way you want to, you'll have to settle for the way he needs you.

Two weeks.

Two weeks is the longest time you've gone without knocking on Joshua's front door. You can't help the guilt that twists up inside you and shreds your insides. However, you know rationally that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Joshua isn't your boyfriend anymore. He hasn't been for six months now. The two of you simply find solace in each other's bodies. It has just been easier with him than expending your time and energy on trying to meet anyone. Especially with how little energy and time you have as it with work all but, drowning you.

However, as Seungkwan has tried to sear into your brain, this isn't exactly healthy. Letting yourself fall into his bed and come apart underneath him for the past three months is likely in your top five unwisest decisions you've made in adulthood.

But god, it's just so easy.

"You know you deserve better," Seungkwan stresses to you for the likely millionth time. His typically kind face marred with a frown that does not suit him in the slightest. His glass of wine left completely untouched on your coffee table with his arms cross over his chest. Soonyoung nods, taking a sip of his own wine before speaking, "He's a dick. He's pretty much been using you since the two of you started dating."

"That's not true," you protest, your wine sloshing dangerous before you simmer down a little. "Joshua has his....issues but, I don't think it's fair to say all he does is use me. I mean, I'm the one who showed up to his door after us being broken up," you argue, "If anything this is a mutual using of each other."

"Except you're in love with him," Seungkwan deadpans. Soonyoung once again nods in agreement. Traitor.

"I'm not in love-"

You promptly stop talking when both men shoot you looks. Your face warms and you hide in your glass of wine. The liquid pleasantly heating your veins and acting as a phenomenal distraction from the gazes of your friends that are far, far too piercing.

"We're just here because we're worried," Soonyoung says softly and you can't bare to look into his eyes right now. You're too scared to see what you'll find in them. You're not sure what's worse. The pity or the frustration from the two of them.

"If it makes you two feel any better, I haven't gone to him in two weeks," you respond weakly. Despising the knot that builds in your throat and the tears that burn your eyes. You feel no better than when you were in university crying to them about shitty hookups and even shittier exes.

"That's a great start," Seungkwan responds sounding genuinely happy. Genuinely proud of you. His warm, larger hand grabbing yours and rubbing soothing circles into your skin. "Also, I'm sorry. I know you're an adult and I don't want to come across like I'm scolding you but, it's really hard watching you go back to him and break your heart all over again."

Oh, the guilt is back. Different but, present all the same. At this point, it's become an ever present companion for you.

"I'm sorry too. I know it's not fair for me to put the two of you through this either," you whisper in response. You don't think you're capable of speaking any louder right now.

"Hey now!" Soonyoung butts in, grabbing you both by your shoulders and crushing you to his chest. Seungkwan, to everyone's shock, only protests minimally, "What are friends for? Now both of you stop being so gloomy. We're here to get tipsy on cheap wine, inhale all the carbs we can and watch bad movies. Get it together."

The laugh that Soonyoung forces from you is foreign and a little rough around the edges but, it's one of the few you've managed in longer than you care to think about. And if you cling to him more fiercely than usual, he has the grace not to mention it.

It gets a little easier after that. You haven't found yourself knocking at Joshua's door for a good month now. Soonyoung seems ready to throw you a party over it and the same pity isn't as present in Seungkwan's gaze when the three of you find the time to catch up with each other.

Joshua never messages or calls you in the time you don't spend in his bed. You suppose you shouldn't be surprised. You're typically the one reaching out to him and making the journey to his apartment to experience a fraction of him. To bask in whatever he's willing to offer you.

You're not sure whether what you two have can be classed as affectionate. It was better than nothing, at least, you had supposed.

You still can't help the sparks of bitterness that fester in your system when you open up your chat with him. A simple 'Okay' from him being the last message in the conversation when you asked if you could come over. God, you were pathetic. Sad. Desperate.

Perhaps it's pettiness or spite or the resentment or maybe some part of you still wants his attention but, you send him a message before locking your phone for the night and turning away to face your windows. The voice in your head (that sounds suspiciously like Seungkwan) echoes that maybe that wasn't a good idea. Maybe allowing your anger to get the better of you wasn't wise. However, what's done is done. You just hope sleep finds you quicker than it has over the past two years.

You: I'm going on a date on Friday.

Seokmin is a nice guy.

No, calling him nice isn't fair or true to the man's character. Nice is vague. Meaningless. A platitude at best.

Ever since Soonyoung very heavy handedly sent you his number in the hopes that you'd focus your attention elsewhere, you two had been speaking borderline nonstop for a week now. Him regaling you with the less glamorous aspects of being an actor and you venting to him about a particular unruly classroom. You'd learned that he cried easily and had a weakness for anything dogs related. He'd learned that you love musicals and random historical facts.

It was the first time in a long time Joshua had barely crossed your mind. He still had but, it was an improvement. A week wasn't realistic enough to completely be clean of him but, you were taking steps. Seokmin definitely made it less difficult.

So, when Seokmin, nervousness rolling off of him in waves even over text, had asked you on a date, it was a no-brainer that you'd agree without much question. You deserve a pleasant night out. It also certainly doesn't hurt that Seokmin is an Adonis of a man.

You honestly don't remember the last time you were giddy over a date. Over a man. Butterflies kicking up in a storm in your stomach when you agonise over what you should wear. The temptation to cancel springing up more times than you count with every drag of your hangers and article of clothing that adds to pile accumulating on your bedroom floor. Fortunately, you find a dress in the back of your wardrobe that clings to you in a way that balances attractive and formal masterfully.

Seokmin is somehow even more attractive in person. All the pictures you came across during your search across his social media accounts do not even begin to do him justice. He's funnier too. His tales of disastrous productions and poor costume fittings prompting laughter out of you the likes of which mostly Soonyoung and Seungkwan are able to. Before you know it, it's already been three hours, and your mostly plates and glasses remain largely untouched.

"I had a great time," Seokmin starts once you two are outside. Whether it's the breeze or his proximity to you, goosebumps rise on your skin. It doesn't help that his cologne infiltrates your senses and muddles your mind further. The butterflies have chosen now to make a reappearance as well.

"Me too," you reply, your cheeks hurting from how hard you've been smiling all night and now isn't any different. Seokmin looks for all the world that he wants you to kiss him. Kind, brown eyes fliting down to your lips in a way you assume he hopes is subtle but, it's not. Terribly so. It's cute though. He's cute. However, you think you're going to take it slower this time around. As infatuating as he is, you know you're in no place to be kissing anyone.

Before you can bring up a different topic to help cut some of the tension weighing on your chest, your phone vibrates in your hand. Alerting you that your Uber has arrived.

"Looks like my ride is here," you tell him with a disappointed turn of your lips. For all your reservations, you really wouldn't have minded spending some more time with the man who would put the sun to shame.

"Have a safe ride home. Text me when you get home, okay?" And his blinding smile spreads across his handsome face once more. You've only known Seokmin for a short period but, it feels freeing to talk to someone whose feelings you don't need to attempt to decipher. They're there and clear as day on his face and in his words. Or maybe you're projecting. That's possible.

"Will do. Text me when you get home too, okay?" You reply, steeling your resolve before pulling him in for a hug. Hugs are fine. Safe. At least a safer option than kissing. Seokmin happily returns the gesture and heat that you haven't felt in some time begins to simmer in the very pit of your stomach when you feel how solid he is.

Now is not the time.

"Of course. It was nice getting to finally meet you in person. Hopefully we can see each other again," Oh. The butterflies certainly feel strongly about that.

Untangling yourself from his built frame is unpleasant, and a deeply irrational part of you wants to continue to cling to him. You opt to shove it down. "Hopefully," you respond with a coy smile, "I'd like that." And you truly would.

Seokmin watches you enter your Uber. He watches you until he can no longer see the car, and the gesture brings a smile to your face so wide that it feels a little foreign. If the driver hears your dreamy sigh, they choose not to comment on it. Thoughts of the actor with perhaps the brightest smile you've ever seen in your life fill your mind all the way to your apartment. Seokmin is still occupying your thoughts as you greet the on duty security and enter the, thankfully, empty elevator. More people don't need to see you practically levitating over this man. Over one date.

The smile that's been stinging your cheeks drops from your face when you notice a figure lingering at your front door. You can tell even from this distance that it's Joshua. Your steps grow more hurried, the clinking of your heels echoing through the empty hall. You suppose you're grateful that none of your neighbours are out. You're not entirely sure how this is going to go based on the anger bubbling up inside of you at the sight of your ex-boyfriend.

Joshua turns his head at the sound of your heels and he has the nerve to smile. To look relieved. You beat him to the punch for once instead of allowing the very tentative wall you've meticulously been building since the last time you found yourself in his too cool bed to crumble.

"What're you doing here?"

The bite in your voice takes even you by surprise but, you're too tired and a touch too fed up to really care about potentially offending him. Your arms crossing over your rapidly rising and falling chest as anger courses through your veins.

For all your inability to typically read him, the surprise on his face is clear as day. You don't think you've ever seen him look this unsure, a nervous hand carding through his short, dark hair. Oh. He must have cut it in the time you haven't found yourself on his doorstep.

"Hi uh," he stutters in a way deeply unlike him, "Can we talk inside?"

A voice that sounds very much like Seungkwan screams to send him away. To cuss him out where he stood in your hall and send him back to his sterile apartment that you never quite seemed to fit into.

However, you've never been good at saying no to him.

"Fine," you spit, walking to your front door and unlocking it while he stood by just hovering. Admitly, beneath the frustration and anger and annoyance at seeing him again after what has felt like ages, a miniscule part of you is curious why he's here.

Joshua walks in after you easily. The same way he used to when the two of you were together. The knowledge simultaneously dulls and sharpens the knife that twists in your gut but, you push it aside. Maybe an actual conversation is far overdue so, you can finally be free of him. Your coworker Wonwoo likes to joke that closure is just an invention of fiction but, just maybe this is your chance to find a fraction of it.

He shuts the door behind him while you turn on the lights. You want nothing more than to kick off your heels, pour yourself a glass of wine and regale Soonyoung and Seungkwan with all the details of your night. Joshua sure has a knack for ruining your plans.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" You ask once you've gathered all of courage. Leaning against the back of your couch, waiting for him to explain himself. Ignoring the way your throat burns seeing him in your home again.

"How was your date?" Are not the words you were expecting and they throw you utterly for a loop.

"What?" You blurt out sounding completely flabbergasted, "Is that why you're here? Fucking seriously?" The anger that's been simmer under the surface grows in ferocity once you begin to piece together why he's here. Why he's decided to reinsert himself into your life.

"You're here because you're fucking jealous?"

He has the nerve to look affronted by the assertion, "I'm not jealous-" he starts but, you're beyond frustrated and annoyed right now. Seungkwan would be proud.

"Joshua, please. Then why are you here? Why are you asking about my fucking date? Because you want an update on my life? You haven't reached out to me in fucking months!" You exclaim and you just hope you're not loud enough for any of your neighbours to hear. Though your concerns around that are minimal as the object of your anger walks towards you tentatively.

"I know," he sighs, continuing to run a tired hand through what you assume was his meticulously styled hair, "Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm here. I'm sorry. I just- I just miss you, I think."

Soonyoung has always been fond of calling Joshua an asshole over the course of your relationship and even after its end, but, in this moment, you realise Josh is not just an asshole, he's cruel.

His admission renders you speechless. You probably look comical just staring at him as his words sink into your brain.

'I just- I just miss you.'

He continues on his cruel streak, your carefully constructed walls falling to pieces with every syllable that leaves his full lips, "When you sent me that text, it just felt so awful. I felt awful and I think I realised just how much I missed you. Missed having you around. So I just got in my car and drove here," he breathes out, nearly tripping over his words in a rush to get them out, "I think I'm starting to understand why you came to my place all those months ago," he laughs with very little humour.

You think this is perhaps the most vulnerable you've ever seen him. More than your first date. The first time you told him you loved him. The first time you two slept together. All of those moments could not ever hope to hold a candle to the unadulterated emotions stirring in his doe eyes right now.

"You really suck, you know that?" You respond, the watery quality of your voice not going unnoticed, "Just when I thought I could let you go and move on, you just had to come back and do all of this. Say all of this," you mutter tiredly, shutting your eyes to just have a moment to yourself to think. To breathe.

The press of his forehead against your own is startling but, and you won't ever admit it to anyone else, comforting. It just feels so good to allow yourself to melt into him. The familiar scent of his too expensive cologne infiltrating your senses and muddling your brain further. Your hands grasp the front of his shirt, a shuddering breath leaving your lips.

"I know. I'm sorry," he whispers, and he's just so close, and you remember how easy it was to fall in love with him. How easy it is to continue to fall into him every chance you can.

So you do.

Everything, every voice that sounds like a friend screaming at you that this is a horrible, stupid idea, that you've been doing well, are all silenced when you press your lips to his in a kiss that is more hesitant than anything else. He kisses you back fiercer than you anticipate. Than you're used to from him. Swallowing your startled gasp like it's the first thing he's consumed in days and cupping your face with his large hands. His teeth nip at your bottom lip briefly when a whimper falls from your lips from how aggressive he's being.

"This is my favourite dress of yours," he mutters into your mouth between kisses, the tender way his thumbs brush your face juxtaposing with his desire to seemingly consume you whole, "I've always thought you looked gorgeous in it. So beautiful. Sexy," he continues, one of his hands drifting to palm at the thickest part of your exposed thigh. Arousal pools in the pit of your stomach. The fact that it's been months since you've been with him, been with anyone, fully hitting your body based on how quickly you find yourself becoming wet and your thighs rub against one another.

"My beautiful girl," he whispers, not giving you enough time to process his words before his mouth descends on you again. His hand kneading your thigh in a way that could be considered desperate if this was anyone other than Josh, shoving the material of your dress higher.

Once you remember you can touch him too, your hands find themselves in his now shorter hair, the inky locks filling the gaps between your fingers easily and the groan he presses into your lips worsens the ache you feel at the apex of your thighs. You want him. You don't think you'll ever stop wanting but, seeing him lose his composure for once has your panties sticking to you in a way that grows uncomfortable fast.

"Bedroom," you whisper, maybe part of you is worried that if either of you speak too loudly you'll burst this bubble you've found yourselves in. Josh just nods, tugging you to wobbly feet and pushing you towards your bedroom. His mouth never leaving yours while his hands touch and feel and grope and paw at every part of you they can reach. You try to not think too hard about how this reminds you of the first time he spent the night here and, how easily he seems to remember where your room is.

Fortunately, it doesn't take the two of you long to bump against your bedroom door. Fumbling with it longer than necessary while being lost in each other. A breathless giggle from you fills the quiet space when he curses while struggling to shut it behind him. Your laughter doesn't last long. His lips pressing scorching kisses to your throat as you settle onto your bed. It's like he can't even go a few seconds without touching you somehow. The thoughts prompts your heart to thunder in your chest.

"Can I take this off?" He asks against the hollow of your throat, impatiently tugging on the straps of your dress. You nod quickly, shuddering when he runs his teeth along your pulse and you feel him lightly grinding against your thigh.

"I want you to use your words, baby," baby. He really will be your demise. You can't remember the last time he called you that and, it only further fogs up your mind.

"Yes, Joshie, please," you whimper, your fingernails biting into the muscles of his biceps. The veins on his forearms coupled with the way the muscles flex is just so hot that it feels just the slightest bit unfair. Briefly, you wonder if he wore a short sleeve shirt because he knows how just a little bit stupid his arms make you.

He stills over you. His lidded eyes widening in surprise and, that forces you out of your lust-filled daze. He beats you to it before you can question his change of demeanour.

"You called me Joshie," is all he says in explanation at first, fingers ghosting over your shoulders. The barely there touch causing goosebumps to rise on your skin, "You haven't called me that since we broke up," he finishes and the raw emotion in his eyes renders you unable to respond for a few, long moments.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"It's okay. More than okay, actually," he cuts you off with a shake of his head, tossling his hair even more, "I didn't realise how much I missed hearing you call me that and Shua until now," he leans down, heavy eyes focusing on your well-kissed lips as his hands begin to slowly undress you, "Please keep calling me by those names."

The control he had slips out of his grasp as his hands tug down the straps of your form-fitting dress. While you'd much rather wind your arms around his broad and solid torso, you concede for these few minutes to help him undress you. Helping him free your arms from your straps before he tugs it off of your body in record time. Between how quickly you find yourself nearly naked and his words, you can't help yourself reaching for him and he happily complies. Nestling himself between your thighs properly while his hands squeeze your breasts over your bra.

"Shua," you whine into his mouth, your hips jolting up to his when you feel him pressed against you. Your hands tug him as close to you as humanly possible. Determined to fuse yourself to him and, based on the way his grip on you grows harsher, he doesn't seem to mind the idea all that much.

"God, I fucking missed you so much," he groans, nuzzling himself into your neck once more. Licking and kissing every millimetre of your skin he can, and every breath hitting you sends you further into madness. You suppose after months of not being touched, even his breath fanning against your skin is enough for goosebumps to rise to your skin and your thighs to clamp around his waist.

"Missed you too, Shua," you sigh, arching into him when his soft lips drift from your throat to sear kisses to the tops of your breasts. His hands reaching behind you to skillfully unclasp your bra and toss it somewhere onto your bedroom floor. Completely forgotten as he takes the opportunity to drink in the sight of your breasts moving with every greedy inhale and shuddering exhale you take.

"God, you're beautiful," he sighs in a way you'd almost describe as dreamy. His irises totally swallowed whole by his dilated pupils. The 'thank you' you intend to respond with is wiped from your mind when he latches onto one of your hardened nipples. His massive hand kneading your other breast to ensure it's not neglected. Your fingers weave into his hair, tugging on it with each tug of his plump lips and lick of tongue. His fingers tugging on your nipple enough to make you gasp from the embers of pain.

"Always so responsive," he chuckles throatily against your skin, pinching your nipple to prove his point. His eyes glinting at the way you moan and grind against his prominent length.

"Stop teasing," you whine, pouting at him. You're taken aback by the way his eyes soften considerably. Leaning up to press a heartbreaking gentle kiss to your more than likely bruised lips while his hand drifts towards your thighs. Swallowing your keens as his stupidly long fingers drag themselves over your panties. Coating them further in your wetness while you attempt to ground yourself by clawing at his broad shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he says and, based on the way he speaks, you're not entirely sure what he what he's apologising for.

His fingers shove your panties to the side and touch your slick folds directly before you're left with your thoughts for too long. "Joshie," you cry into him with every barely there brush of his digits. Your hips bucking into him when they circle your clit before continuing their leisure stroke of you.

"You're so fucking wet already," he groans, returning to your breasts to litter them with much harsher kisses. His fingers shallowly dipping into your entrance but never giving you the satisfaction you so deeply need. "All of this just from some kissing and playing with your tits, baby?" He asks, glancing up at you like you could realistically answer with his long fingers touching you and his breath fanning across your breasts. The amusement in his tone prickling your cheeks in embarrassment, more of your wetness leaking out of you and onto him.

"Or maybe you just get this wet for me." He muses out loud with a grin that's too smug for your liking. "Don't roll your eyes at me like that," he chuckles. However, the lightheartedness of the moment is cut short when he brings the hand that's been toying with your pussy up for you to see.

"I mean, it is true though. Isn't it?" He poses with a glance to gauge your reaction as his fingers spread, your arousal webbing them. You wouldn't be surprised if you were radiating enough heat from your face to rival the sun.

"Shua, that's embarrassing," you whine, avoiding his intense gaze, choosing instead to focus on an imaginary spot over his shoulder.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, baby," he mutters, resting his slick fingers on your bottom lip and focusing on them fully, "If anything, I'm flattered," he finishes with another arrogant uptick of his lips. It doesn't take much nudging for you to part your lips and for him to push his digits into his mouth. A quiet groan hitting your ears when you hum around them, your tongue licking up the taste of yourself eagerly.

"Fuck," he hisses, his thumb catching the drool that slips past your occupied mouth, "I should let you suck on my fingers more often. You look so pretty with them in your mouth," he mutters, grinding his hips against you as he memorises the sight of you gagging on his fingers and lapping at your essence. "Plus, I know how much you like them. You're not very subtle," he laughs, pulling them from your drooling lips and leaning away from you.

He doesn't give you much time to complain or miss his warmth over you, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of your soiled panties and tugging on them so frantically you're worried that he'll rip them. Luckily, they remain intact and soon join the heap of your clothing strawn all over your bedroom floor.

You don't typically have the presence of mind and time to feel self-conscious when you've been with Joshua. Too preoccupied with shutting your brain off and enjoying whatever time with him he lets you have. However, the way he pauses and his eyes leisurely scan your body now tempts you to hide in your pillows. Your heart trying its utmost to burst out of your chest and your blood roaring in your veins all you can hear.

He doesn't leave you to spiral for much longer. Tugging off his shirt that costs more than you think a plain, blue shirt has any right to. Your walls clench hard when your eyes land on the expanses of muscle, skin and arms that are available for you to fully consume.

"I want you to sit on my face," he says and his words are laden with so much unflinching desire. His eyes reflecting the same emotions and, you didn't think it was plausible for you to get any wetter yet, here you are.

"Shua, you don't have to-"

"I want to," he cuts you off with an air of finality. His gaze holding your own and waiting to see if you'd push this.

"I was such a fucking selfish asshole," he huffs, dragging the hand not covered in your spit down his handsome face, "I'm sorry."

You soften at that. Reaching for his hand and lacing your fingers with his, "It's okay."

"It's not," he argues, squeezing your hand before letting it go and settling beside you, "You deserve better than me, you know."

"I've been told," you respond dryly, trying your utmost to keep the images of your friends out of your mind. Basking in the warmth of his body.

"I'll make it up to you. Every chance I can. I promise I'll make it up to you. So, come here," he says as though his words don't close up your throat and cause your heart to hammer against your chest. When he looks at you like that, how could you ever dream of denying him?

Joshua's eyes never leave yours the entire time you move to settle yourself on his handsome face. The look in his eyes makes you feel like you're being set alight from the inside out, only finding a brief reprieve when his focus shifts from your face to your pussy. Large hands palming your thighs while his eyes drink you in.

"Come here," he commands, pulling you towards him. The strength in his hold causes your walls to flutter but, he doesn't force you. Giving you the chance to settle down on his face at your own pace. It doesn't take you much more prompting to do so. Carefully straddling him to make sure he can still breathe and that you're not smothering him. Joshua, however, doesn't care for your concerns. Firmly pulling you down onto him and latching onto your clit like a man starved. Not allowing you a moment to catch your breath. Long fingers biting into your ass as he guides you along his face.

"Shua," you cry, steadying yourself on your headboard while he continues to eager lap at your clit. Your thighs quiver around his head with every suck and lick he gives you, his hold helping you along his tongue. If you could find the strength to crack open your eyes, you would've noticed him watching you. His cock twitching in his boxers with every shuddering exhale and moan from your bruised lips.

The knot in the pit of your stomach tightens faster than you anticipate. Perhaps it's not being touched by anyone for so long or, perhaps it's simply Joshua that has your orgasm building up so quickly. From the way he groans into your drenched folds and his fingers dig into your so harshly that you wouldn't be surprised to find imprints on your ass later, he doesn't. If anything, your fragile state just motivates him. The vibrations from all of his own sounds of pleasure coupled with his unrelenting tongue made it so you really never stood a chance.

He continues to lap at you through one of your most intense orgasms. The grip you have on your headboard bites into your skin but, you can't bring yourselves to care when your walls spasm continously and your vision darkens around the edges. Overwhelmed tears spilling from you and streaking overheated face.

"Joshie," you whimper, your hips attempting to jolt away from him but, his strength is unrelenting. Keeping you firmly situated on his face while his focus shifts lower. A shudder running down your spine and goosebumps once again prickling your skin when he chooses to lap up your wetness directly from the source. The prods of his tongue and brushes of his nose on your clit make your stomach feels as though its tangled in a series of complicated knots.

The tears continue to fall freely as the overstimulation settles itself into your very bones. Your second release hits you like a runaway train. Your choked moans and cries of his name echoing so prominently throughout your bedroom, you're a little worried your neighbours might hear you. Joshua doesn't seem to care all that much. Cursing into your twitching entrance as more of your wetness seeps out of you and onto his awaiting tongue.

His hold on you eases up significantly after that, and with the near nonexistent energy you have and on still shaking thighs, you move off of him. Gracelessly plopping yourself down next to him in an attempt to regain sensation below your waist and come back from whatever dimension his mouth sent you to.

"Are you okay?"

Cracking a tired eye open to meet his heavy but, slightly concerned eyes proves to be a mistake. His hair is a complete and utter mess. Sticking up in every which direction in a way that just endearing him to you. However, the flush to his cheeks and sheen of your juices on the bottom half of his face quickly diminish any less carnal feelings you felt bubbling up for him. Despite nearly blacking out from how hard you came. Twice. Your body still opts to betray you. Your walls clenching around nothing at his dishevelled state and the outline clear as day in his dress pants.

"Yeah," you manage to croak out, cringing at the scratchy quality of your voice.

"Good," he mutters before kissing you. It's much gentler this time around. His tongue still snaking its way into your mouth and, the taste of yourself on it is enough for you to pull him closer to you. Tugging on his hair with every press of his plush lips and nip on your bottom lip. You're reminded that he's very much still hard and hasn't cum when the weight of him rests against your thigh. Just the idea of his cock pulls a wanton whine from you, which he happily swallows.

"Want you," you pant against him, trying your best not to allow yourself to completely lose yourself in his swirling, brown eyes.

"You have me, baby," he responds with more meaning than your fuzzy brain can process right now. His thumb caressing your cheek while he plants quick but, gentle kisses to your lips.

"No," you say, reaching one of your hands between your bodies and cupping him over his pants. He groans against you, his hips jerking against your hand, "I want you, Joshie," you emphasise with a squeeze of his girthy, long cock.

"I wanted tonight to be about you," the drop in octave of his voice only adds to the fresh wave of wetness leaking out of your pulsing hole. "Well, I want to feel you inside of me. That makes it still about me, doesn't it?"

You would laugh at the strangled 'fuck' that leaves his lips if you weren't at your wit's end right now. His kiss is much more aggressive this time around. Barely giving you any time or room to breathe or think while his hands fumble with the buttons and zipper of his pants. Tugging them and his boxers off at record speed and tossing them unceremoniously to join the mess on your bedroom floor. His lips remain attached to yours the entire time. Determined to make you think of nothing but, him.

You moan into each other when his bare cock drags along your drenched folds. His hips shallowly thrusting along you until he's slick with your wetness and his pre-cum. Every nudge of his fat head on your hypersensitive clit causes your lashes to flutter and your hips to meet him in his shallow movements.

"Shua, please," you whimper out when he drifts to kiss and lick your throat once again. His hips never ceasing their movements while his hands occupy themselves with your breasts. Tugging on your nipples while he nips into every bit of your skin his teeth can reach.

"You drive me fucking crazy," he groans, pulling away from you. He doesn't go too far. Gripping himself in his large hand and watching the way he runs along your slit. Drinking in the way you mewl and arch into him, chasing him for every bit of sensation he offers. "Your pussy's so pretty, baby. You'll look even better with my cock spliting you open, yeah?" He breathes, blown out pupils watching your face when he teases your fluttering entrance.

"Yes, yes, Joshie please. Please, just fuck me. I need it, I need you."

That prompts an especially harsh thrust against you, but he still doesn't sink into you, and you think you may just burst into tears from frustration. You'd forgotten his fondness for teasing and pushing you as close as possible to insanity.

"You really want me to fuck you that badly, baby?" The smirk on his face is equal parts irritating and attractive, "You'll even let me fuck you without a condom? My poor, desperate baby," he coos. Shifting his attention away from your face momentarily to watch the way his length teases your hole, his head just barely pushing into you.

"Fuck," you whimpers, gripping your poor sheets for dear life, "Yes, Joshie. Yes, I want you to fuck me raw. Please please pleas-" you choke on a moan when he slowly starts to sink into you. Your head kicks back and whimpers flow freely from your lips with every centimetre of himself he pushes into you. You probably should have let him stretch you out on his long, thick fingers because it takes you a great deal of adjusting to grow accustomed to his cock. His hands scorch your hips and shake with restraint. Determined to allow you ample room to get used to the feeling of him before he really starts to move.

It's difficult to know who moans the loudest when he's finally fully sheathed inside of you. The last time the two of you had forgone condoms was when you were still dating so, the feeling him completely bare sends your mind and body into a tailspin. Your fingernails digging into his back harder than you mean to but, it's not like you can help it when you can feel his cock molding you around him and kissing the deepest parts of you and, he hasn't even moved yet. Joshua, for his part, isn't fairing much better than you. Panting into the space between your neck and shoulder as he attempts to gather his bearings while your walls sporadically clench and unclench around him. It's a little embarrassing how close he already feels but, when your warm, wet walls cling to him, he doesn't think he can be faulted too much.

"Joshie, you ca-can move," you manage to utter with everything within you. Reaching for him and cupping his beautiful face in your hands. You don't want to examine the look in his eyes too closely right now. You don't think your heart can take it, and you fear you'll cry for an entire reason entirely if you do.

He nods. His first thrust is barely a movement at all, calling it shallow would be generous. However, after what has felt like a lifetime without any friction, that miniscule movement is still enough to set off sparks in the base of your spine and a gasp to be punched straight from your already struggling lungs. "I missed you," he grunts into your neck, the slight pain from where he runs over the bruises forming there with his mouth only causing you to clamp down even more around his thick cock.

"Missed you so fucking much. Only thought about you the whole time," he pants while he picks up his speed significantly, his hands keeping you in place while he sets the pace. Glancing up at you to watch the way your face twists with every drag of himself along your sinful walls and bite of your sensitive neck. "Did you miss me? Did you think of me? Think of this cock, sweetheart?"

"Yes," you cry out, trying to fill your greedy, burning lungs with any air you can while you lose yourself in pleasure, in him, "I only ever thought of you, Shua. Missed y-you so much," you moan because it's true. It was so hard staying away from him. From not running to your car and knocking on his door at concerning hours of the night. And now, as he fucks you to tears on his cock, you wonder why you even stayed away from him. From the look he gives you now that makes you feel like you're burning and, from the way his large hands that splay across your hips, you don't know why you ever thought of never seeing him again.

Your respective sounds of pleasure coupled with the obscene sounds of him thrusting into you ring out throughout your room. Bleary eyes drinking in the way his biceps flex and the sheen of sweat that's built up on his tan skin. Inky hair sticking to his damp forehead as he watches himself sink into you over and over and over again. Catching your lidded gaze and leaning down to kiss you, one of his hands cupping your jaw. Drifting downwards to ghost along your throat but, not applying pressure. Still, the thought itself is enough for you to keen against him and tightening around his cock.

"I love you."

Now that catches you totally off guard. Your eyes widening and your blood roaring in your ears. You blink up at him, your lips parting as your brain tries to process his words.

"Joshie," you sigh, lacing your fingers behind his neck and kissing the corner of his lips, "I love you too. I'll always love you," you whisper, not wanting to scare him away and feeling far too much far too quickly that you don't think you could speak louder even if you wanted to.

"Fuck," he grits out, pressing your thighs against your chest and tugging you into another searing, messy lip lock. It's more teeth and spit than an actual kiss but, you're not complaining. "You're mine, right? That other guy could never make you feel the way I do, right baby?" He groans against your mouth. You weren't expecting him to bring up Seokmin now of all times, while his cock bullies the sensitive parts of your walls and you're pretty sure another orgasm is building.

"Joshie-"

"I want you to say it," he mutters, his hand slotting itself between your sweaty, scorching bodies until his fingers find your clit. Not allowing you a chance to adjust, rubbing quick circles into while he continues to split you open on his cock, "that you're mine. That he'd never make you feel this way. Feel this good."

"I'm y-yours, Joshie," you whimper, his body keeping you in place so you have no choice but to allow yourself to be fucked dumb by him. That all too familiar knot tightening and tightening with every brush and stroke, "I'm yours. Always yours. Only yours," you cry out when he bites down on your neck.

You feel him cum before the warning tumbles out of his mouth. His cock pushed into you as deeply as it'll go and it throbs. It throbs and keeps throbbing with every rope of his cum that fills your waiting walls. Drawn out moans burned into your skin while his fingers clumsy continue to rub into you. It's no surprise then, with his warm cum already beginning to leak out of you, that your third orgasm hits you. This one isn't as intense as the previous two but, it does still causes you to squirm underneath him. Slick walls spasming around his softening cock while your combined orgasms trickle out of you and onto your poor sheets.

"Shua, my thighs hurt," you wheeze, tapping his arm. He mutters a tired 'sorry' before slowly pulling out of you and getting off of you. He does take a long moment to sear the image of his cum dribbling out of you into his mind. Shaking his head, he lies down beside you and tugs you to his broad chest. Cuddling with Joshua joins the litany of activities and behaviours you're not used to from him. However, he's so warm and you're so, so tired. It's just so easy to allow yourself to be lulled to sleep by his heartbeat and his hand playing with your hair. It doesn't take long for him to join you in the land of slumber after your eyes flutter shut.

Seokmin💛: Hey, just wanted to let you know I got home! I really did have a great time. I hope we can go out on another date soon :)

Feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

Do not repost, edit, copy and/or translate my work. I do not give you my permission to do so, nor will you ever receive it.

#joshua hong smut #hong jisoo smut #joshua seventeen smut #seventeen joshua smut #seventeen smut #joshua hong x reader smut #seventeen x reader smut #joshua smut #joshua x reader smut #hong jisoo x reader smut

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tossawary · 2 months

Text

A quote and thoughts regarding Shen Yuan's opinions on Liu Mingyan and the "sexiness" of the Liu Mingyan versus Sha Hualing setup. He knows what he should be feeling in this situation as a "normal straight guy", but I don't think he's actually feeling it.

"Shen Qingqiu was very fond of this female lead, and it wasn't only because Liu Mingya's beauty points were the highest. It was also because she had great poise. She always understood the big picture and grasped the general situation, and her conduct was fair and honest. Even in Luo Binghe's gigantic harem, a wife with both intelligence and moral character was rare.

There was one more appeal factor. Liu Mingyan was the only female character for whom Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky didn't write detailed sex scenes. Many readers had been highly dissatisfied with this arrangement, to the point that they spammed the comments with their ranting, but this had given Liu Mingyan something no other female lead had: an image as clear as ice and pure as jade!

Can't be helped, the unobtainable ones are always the best.

[Sweatdropping shrug kaomoji that I can't type out.]

This was what made the second match worth watching. An evil demoness naturally demanded a righteous saintess as a rival. Every man dreamed of being caught between an angel and a devil. To watch them jealously vie with each other over him one moment, then risk life and limb for his sake in the next - that was the highest, most sacred, perverted fantasy of every male organism. He could drunk off the wild, untamed charm of the wicked seductress, and at the same time his heart would ache for the austere taste of the pure saintess who kept pulling him closer only to push him away!

One had to admit, "Great Master" Airplane was genuinely good at nailing what people found satisfying. Shen Qingqiu couldn't help giving Luo Binghe another glance.

Luo Binghe found it very hard to not care about that gaze. Why exactly did Shen Qingqiu keep looking at him? Was it possible that Shizun... really had an interest in him?"

Volume 1, Chapter 2, pages 111-112.

I'm not sure where to start with this! It's a lot! I'll just work backwards: it is very funny to have Shen Qingqiu repeatedly looking towards Luo Binghe, trying to see Binghe's reactions to Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan, and Binghe's just like, "Shizun is looking at me???" I think "interest" in this case just means interest in Binghe as a disciple with potential, rather than anything else. Binghe is not paying any real attention to Sha Hualing or Liu Mingyan's attractiveness.

Oh! A rare compliment towards "Great Master" Airplane! Shen Yuan, don't strain those rarely used muscles!

I do find it amusing that Shen Yuan refers to Liu Mingyan as "moral" and "righteous" and "pure" here. The vibe I got with Liu Mingyan is that she sided with Luo Binghe to take down her brother's murderer, which I would agree is righteous and abides by a set of morals. But the first few pages of SVSSS inform us that PIDW Luo Binghe viciously destroyed the great cultivation sects, which means that PIDW wife Liu Mingyan either helped or stepped aside when a whole bunch of murder happened.

And the "my favorite wife is the one with no (or limited) sex scenes" is a classic Shen Yuan moment and one of the reasons he reads as being strongly on the asexuality spectrum to me. The way that he talks about heterosexual "male" desire gives me the same vibe. Like he's separated from it. Like he knows this is what he's "supposed" to feel and he just... doesn't... and it's possibly hard for him to recognize what sexual desire feels like (as opposed to, say, general sexual arousal that doesn't necessarily have a target) if he's never actually experienced it himself. He knows what he should be feeling if he was the "every man" reader of PIDW.

Even when he talks about Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan's appeal, he says "wild, untamed charm" and "pulling him closer only to push him away" as the key components of the fantasy. Like, "being flirted with" and "being fought over and fought for" and "appreciating a distant beauty" are more important than "having sex". "The most appealing thing about Liu Mingyan is that she wouldn't actually go through with trying to have sex with me," says Shen Yuan.

He's like, "Oh, I can recognize that Liu Mingyan and Sha Hualing are physically attractive, that probably means I'm an Ordinary Straight Man." Even though the way that he talked about Liu Qingge's looks in the Ling Xi Caves was... not very heterosexual... and here, he mostly seems excited just to see one of his favorite characters.

Admittedly, Sha Hualing appears 15-16 here and I think Liu Mingyan is around the same age (she doesn't have her spiritual sword yet), so Shen Yuan is probably also not attracted to them just because they're teenagers. (I do not interpret him as sexually or romantically interested in Binghe at all at this point in time.) I headcanon Shen Yuan being 20-ish at this point in time, so he's probably not that much older than SHL or LMY, but they're probably around his younger sister's age (Shen Yuan's younger sister was old enough to be reading non-con, gay, BDSM erotica.) Sha Hualing shows up half-naked and Shen Yuan is just like, "Where are your shoes? Did you walk here like this? Wasn't that painful?"

In my opinion, Shen Yuan seems a little... relieved... to think that no one could be sexually or romantically interested in the scum villain. He does lament that it's hard to get a girlfriend like this, sure. He does think that he's going to die and that he'd eventually lose any woman to Binghe, so there's no point in trying. But he really, really does not try. "Oh, I can't pursue anyone because they'd never be interested in me! How frustrating! ...Anyway! Moving on to enjoy the many other little pleasures of life! Like food and monsters!" I think the closest he comes to flirting with anyone is when speaking to Liu Qingge in the Ling Xi Caves, while Liu Qingge is coughing up blood, and that did not seem intentional.

I think if he had transmigrated into any other character, who wasn't an "unappealing" villain, Shen Yuan still wouldn't pursue women. I think he'd be like, "Well, I want a beautiful woman, because I have standards! But all beautiful women belong to the protagonist, and no one is better than Binghe, there's no way I'd win that competition, so there's no point in trying!" At which point, it's just like, "Shen Yuan, anyone becomes beautiful when you love or like them; I don't think you actually want to fuck women."

I think if Shen Yuan had transmigrated in as Luo Binghe, he still wouldn't try to pursue women. He'd be like, "I'm just raising my standards for the harem! Some of those wives were not very intelligent or in possession of good moral character! Nearly three-digits is disrespectful to the better wives! I'm only interested in especially beautiful and skilled women, like Liu Mingyan, who's perfect! (And also won't try to have sex with me.)"

Like, I am not against a bisexual Shen Yuan. I am willing to be persuaded to go along with many different interpretations! But he does read to me generally as a gay asexual / demisexual who hasn't yet realized that a desire to be fawned over and an ability to recognize beauty is not necessarily the same thing as sexual attraction. (I do think he is attracted to Binghe after Binghe gets back from the Endless Abyss, but his feelings there are tied up in his very real, reasonable fear of murder and mutilation.)

#tossawary svsss #tossawary rereads svsss #sha hualing #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #liu mingyan #luo binghe #bingqiu #liu qingge #spoilers #shen yuan versus asexuality fic

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spiteless-xo · 8 months

Note

for the NSFW prompt: Jean + 7 👀

yay, my first jean request!! thank you!! 🥰

sorry, i got really carried away with this one, also the "plot" is all over the place 🙏

list of prompts

╰┈➤ smut prompts - 7. “Can you guys just fuck already?”

ft. jean/fem!reader cw. unedited, not proofread, explicit sexual content (dirty talk, vaginal sex, jean's got a big dick), explicit language. 2,509 words.

you hate jean kirstein.

you absolutely cannot stand him. between his stupid smug grin and his stupid fucking mullet and all of his stupid little quips -- you don't see a world where you and jean could ever be friends.

especially not when each time he rattles your nerves, you start to feel an aching need between your thighs.

that's why it's particularly frustrating when your best friend starts dating his best friend.

"come on," mikasa urges, practically dragging you up the stairs to eren and jean's shared apartment. "it'll be fun, i promise!"

"mika, i still don't understand why i have to come. you know jean and i don't get along."

"catan is a four-player game," she sighs. "and besides, he likes you"

"he likes me?" you repeat incredulously. "do you hear what you're saying right now?"

she just smiles at you before rapping her knuckles softly on the door to their apartment. "he does," she insists. "you don't see what he's like when you're not around."

the door swings open and mikasa is snatched from the space in front of you. she squeals in delight as eren pulls her into his chest, spinning her around the small entryway to his apartment.

"hi, eren," you say, smiling politely as he litters mikasa's face with kisses.

"hey squirt," he teases, burying his face into mikasa's neck as he looks over her shoulder at you. "ready to play some games?"

mikasa and eren are in that annoying stage of their relationship where they can't seem to keep their hands off of each other. even as you follow them into the apartment, shutting the door behind you, eren keeps one hand firmly grasping her ass while she presses her cheek into his bicep.

a loud groan from the dining room interrupts your thoughts. "you didn't tell me she was coming," jean huffs.

"trust me, i didn't want to," you hiss through clenched teeth, following the lovebirds toward the dining room table where the boys have set up the game.

you settle into an open seat next to jean, scootching your chair a bit away from him and toward mikasa, who's practically sitting on eren's lap. jean casts you a dark look, taking a long sip from his beer, and you avoid his gaze by looking down at the board.

eren quickly explains the game and you begin playing. it's relatively simple, as far as boardgames go: collect resources, build roads and settlements, and collect points -- easy.

the most difficult part of the game proves to be trading resources with your fellow players. mikasa will give you anything you ask for if she has it (but she rarely does), eren haggles you to get a better deal for himself, and jean completely denies any of your requests -- which is a problem, because he's the only player that can generate brick.

"i'll give you two sheep for a brick," you offer, desperate.

"nah, i don't think so," he tsks, tapping his cards on the table as he grins at you.

frowning, you look back down at your deck. "what about a sheep, a rock, and wheat -- that's a development card."

"i know what it is," jean says, "and i'm not interested."

you huff, annoyed, and press at your temple with your fingers. "what can i give you to get you to trade me a brick?"

you see something flash across his face and just as he's opening his mouth to speak, you cut him off. "don't be gross."

"i wasn't gonna," he protests, but he's smirking at you. "i was just gonna say, that's a pretty shit deal for you -- what if i give you my wood, too?"

"ew, jean, i said, don't be gross," you hiss and he breaks out into laughter.

"how is that gross?"

"you know exactly what i mean! you're talking about your dick!"

"why are you thinking about my dick?"

"i'm not!"

mikasa sighs from beside you, hand wrapped around eren's shoulders as she plays with the tufts on hair on the nape of his neck. "you guys are making it hard to play."

"yeah, no kidding," eren sighs, looking over at you with a smirk. "do you want us to leave you two alone? if you guys fuck out all of this frustration, maybe we can actually play the game."

your eyes widen comically at eren's comment and you feel your face burning in embarrassment. "we're not going to -- i don't want to --"

you stumble around your words, panicked, as eren and mikasa give you the same look.

in your desperation, you glance over to jean. he has his cheek sucked into his mouth, jaw tight and face flushed as he looks down at the game board. why is he blushing?

"yeah, let's leave," eren decides, kissing mikasa quickly on the cheek before standing up from his seat. he helps mikasa up from hers before the two of them escape out the front door, leaving you and jean alone in the dining room.

you shake you head in confusion, still gaping in shock. "what the fuck are they thinking?" you wonder out loud, pushing your chair further away from where jean's seated. "we're not going to do that."

jean, uncharacteristically, stays quiet. he nods to himself, eyes still focused on the board before he stands up from his seat and walks over to the living room.

"they probably just wanted to go fuck," he calls from the other room. "i saw mikasa grabbing his dick under the table."

you grimace at the thought.

"come watch tv if you wanna, they won't be back for a while."

you tap your nails on the table in thought, glancing between the front door and the doorway where jean disappeared into the living room. with a heavy sigh, you get up from your seat and go to join him -- what could be the harm in that?

and of course, jean's sitting in the centre of the couch, legs sprawled open as he slumps against the seat. with a huff, you squish yourself into the far end of the couch, your knee lightly brushing against his as you do so.

"can you stop manspreading?" you hiss, and he just spreads his legs open further. "holy fuck."

"what's your problem?" he snaps.

"what's my problem?" you repeat, looking over at him incredulously. "what does that mean?"

"i mean, you're always acting like you can't fucking stand me."

"i can't."

"well, why not?"

your eyebrows raise in amusement at the opportunity to finally air your grievances to the man that's been a solid thorn in your side since you first met. you twist in your seat, facing him completely with your back against the armrest of the couch and begin to count off your fingers.

"you're always making fun of me, you always --"

"shit," he hisses, cutting you off, "i didn't think you had a list."

he almost looks hurt, so you snap your mouth shut. you lower your hands back down to your lap, suddenly feeling awkward as he looks over at you carefully.

"you really don't like me?" this time, he sounds vulnerable.

"i just think that you can be kind of mean to me, sometimes," you say quietly.

"i'm flirting with you -- you know that, right?"

you look up at him in confusion, brows furrowed, and you catch that same look on his face after eren's comment at the table: cheek sucked into his mouth with a faint blush across his cheeks.

"no, you're not."

"yes, i am," he insists with a laugh.

"well, then why are you so rude?"

"i'm not very good at flirting, i guess," he sighs, clasping his hands together behind his head as he looks over at you. "i think you're cute."

you look away quickly, feeling the burn of embarrassment on your cheeks. "uh, thanks... i think you're cute, too," you stammer, cringing from how awkward you sound.

thankfully, he laughs. "even though i'm mean to you?"

and now you feel heat flooding between your legs as you admit something that you've been keeping to yourself, all this time.

"especially, because you're mean to me."

your eyes dart up to gauge his expression and you catch his eyebrows raising into his hairline and his mouth falling open.

"well, shit, i guess i'm not that bad at flirting, after all."

you hum in response, fidgeting as jean inches closer. he wraps one arm around the back of your seat while the other presses into the armrest behind you, caging you into the couch between his long, sturdy arms.

"so what are we gonna do about it?" he asks, rolling his tongue across his lip as he looks at you.

"do about what?"

"your little crush," he teases and you roll your eyes in annoyance. "oh, come on. eren and mikasa are going to be gone for a while -- why don't you let me be mean to you a little bit more."

you swallow thickly. "what do you mean?"

"why don't you let me --" he leans in until his cheek is pressed against yours, breathing hot air against the shell of your ear as chills run down your spine. "-- bully that pretty little pussy open with my big, mean cock."

"you're always talking about your dick," you grumble, but it's half-hearted and weak.

he laughs, sliding his warm palms down your arms to your hips, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your leggings as you squirm.

"how long have you wanted this?" he asks, eyes glinting in delight as you lift you hips up off the couch, allowing him space to slide your leggings down and off of your legs.

you offer a strangled whimper in response, embarrassed as jean holds your thighs open, looking down between your legs at your already glistening pussy.

"wow, you're so wet already," he grins. he rubs small circles with his thumb on your inner thigh as his other hand moves to his belt, undoing it deftly as he watches you squirm below him.

"a-are you sure they're not going to come back?" you ask, glancing nervously behind him at the closed door.

"maybe they will," he shrugs, and your eyes dart back in time to watch him slip a hand into his briefs. your breath catches in your throat as he pulls his thick cock out from the top of the elastic waistband and your thighs squeeze around his hips in need.

"you like that?" he laughs, stroking his length with one hand while he pushes your thighs open with the other. "god, who knew all i needed was a few minutes alone with you to get what i wanted?"

you frown up at him, but you dissolve into gasping moans when you feel the heavy weight of his cock slapping against your clit.

"think you can take me?" he coos, and you swallow thickly.

"let's find out."

jean rolls his tongue against his cheek, looking at you in amusement as he nods. "yeah, let's find out."

he slides the head of his cock against your folds, smearing a mix of your arousal and his precum as he groans.

"shit, you're so fucking wet. you really do like it when i'm mean to you, huh?"

you reach forward, grabbing jean's biceps and feeling them flex against your palms. "you're so hot," you babble mindlessly and he laughs.

"you're cute," he says, clicking his tongue as he lines the head of his cock up against your entrance. "so fucking cute."

you feel the ache of your pussy stretching around the thick head of his cock -- it's a lot -- almost too much -- but he stills inside of you, shushing you softly.

"relax," he says, his voice dipping down to just a whisper. he rocks his hips gently, nudging himself into you a bit more each time and you whimper at the feeling.

"you're so fucking tight," he groans, head dropping forward onto your shoulder as he pushes into you. he breathes hard above you, still fully clothed as you lay half-naked on the couch beneath him.

you shift your hands from his arms to his back, grabbing tight fistfuls of his shirt as he rocks his hips against you.

"more," you beg softly, just a whisper into his ear. "please."

he wraps his arms tightly around your waist, holding himself up with his forearms as he sinks a little further into you. you cry out from the stretch, legs squeezing against his hips as his cock pushes against the tight walls of your cunt.

"i'm gonna fuck this little pussy open for me," he grunts, picking up speed as he thrusts into you. "make it mine."

he slides into you completely, hips pressed flush against yours, and he pauses. your pussy clenches around his length, desperate for him to make good on his promise and you can feel him twitching inside of you in response.

"fuck," he hisses, lifting his head off of your shoulder to look down at you. "you ready?"

you blink up at him, uncertain, and he leans down to press a soft kiss into your mouth. you whimper into the kiss, hands trailing up from his back to tangle in the long strands of his stupid fucking mullet.

he takes that as a yes and you start to feel him move his hips. a slow drag backward that makes your toes curl and your back arch off the couch, before slamming forward and causing you to cry out.

"you like that?" he grunts, keeping that same pace, fucking you open the way he told you he would.

the room fills with the sound of skin slapping against skin and the slick squelching of his cock pushing into you. you claw hard at his back, trying to ground yourself as each thrust knocks the air from your lungs.

his hands slide from your waist down to your thighs, pressing them up against your chest and folding you in half so he can fuck you even deeper.

you can't breathe -- you can hardly speak -- you can feel drool running down your chin from the way your mouth is hung open -- you're in absolute bliss.

you can feel the tightening in your gut as jean's cock hits that sensitive spot inside your cunt. you rake your nails into his back, babbling out his name incoherently in some sort of warning for your quickly-approaching orgasm.

"gonna cum?" he coos, and that's what does it for you.

with a breathless cry, you cum around his cock. your pussy clenches around him rhythmically as he keeps forcing himself into you, pounding his hips against your thighs as his balls slap against your ass.

"holy shit," he hisses, clenching his eyes shut and throwing his head back. "you're squeezing me so tight --"

with a strangled groan, he presses his hips flush against your thighs, and in the aftershocks of your orgasm, you can feel his cock twitching inside of you -- spilling hot cum against the swollen walls of your cunt as you pulse around him.

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sharonisthebettercarter · 3 months

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Starlight isn't interested in being a mom, she'll protect kids when the situation calls for it and be supportive of said kids, but she's not gonna take care of a child 24/7. She's more "protective auntie" type than "Good mom energy". Nobody expected Billy to be all nurturing towards kids, they shouldn't expect the same from starlight, it doesn't matter if the latter has a stronger connection to kids. We never saw her talk wanting kids nor shown any implications of her wanting to join motherhood. She definitely seems like she's someone who likes kids, but doesn't want any of her own. So yeah, don't expect her to be anyone's mom. Nobody expected Billy to be anyone's dad, especially if you read the comics, don't expect starlight to be anyone's mom. Idgas if she's nicer to kids than billy.

idk what you're on about anon but it's fuckin' weird, i'ma tell ya that.

starlight wanting kids is basically schrodinger's cat here. sure, she's never said or implied she specifically *wanted* kids.

but she's never said or implied that she specifically *doesn't* want kids either, in either iteration so whatever you thought this was, it's just a great big can of nothin' word soup.

or in other words, this random ramble that showed up in my inbox? it don't make a lick of sense.

also, why even care so much if starlight becomes a mom or not??? that is an exceedingly weird thing to grasp onto, i gotta say. it sounds more like *you* specifically don't want her to have kids and are possibly projecting your own desire onto your interpretation of the character, so headcanon i guess?? which fine, but why bother me with it???????? who even cares whether she becomes a mom or not? if they go that route, they go that route, if they don't, they don't.

butt.

i will also say that if starlight didn't ever want kids or had some sort of issue with adopting one, she probably would have freaked out the first second hughie mentioned 'may have signed us up to adopt a kid'. she was pretty unfazed in response so it either just wasn't something she cared to give much attention to in that moment (half because she wouldn't mind/half because more important topics at hand), or her and hughie *are* actually at the stage in their relationship where kids aren't necessarily the goal, but they're okay with becoming parents and have probably talked about it (at least once, generally an important conversation for a healthy het couple that is sexually active)

and why in satan's red hellscape would you designate her as a 'protective auntie' specifically to bar her from 'good mom energy'?????????? first of all, WHAT?? who are you to decide that for another woman?????? how do you even decide *for another woman* 'yeah, she likes kids but def never wants any of her own'??? leik wut?? when did she say *anything* even remotely implying this???????????

why do *you* get to speak for *her*?????? what the hell are you even basing this assumption on????????????

and second, why couldn't she be both???? people can be *both* moms to one kid and aunts to others. if your mom has siblings(or super close family friends/besties), and her siblings(besties) have kids, which would be your cousins(or conisdered family), she's an aunt too(or could be considered one)!

and if mom's sibling is a sister and they both have kids, wouldn't ya know, they're *both* mom/auntie combos!!

leik where is the logic here?????????????

shoot, we might even see them actually adopt a kid (maybe teddy stillwell) if that paperwork did actually go through and i could def picture hughie freakin' out but annie bein' a total boss about it (also lmao would be kinda great since the kid's powers match hughie's, could also picture butcher pushing hughie to adopt teddy specifically to use him... FFFFFFFFFFFFFF--)

butt~ there's also leaked spoilers of a pregnancy reveal in the next season, big chance it could be starlight's, leik big enough to make a safe bet i'd guess, but who knows.

otherwise, i mean if you wanna write starlight not being a mom in fanfic, that's an option. it is free. have at it.

just maybe don't bother the people who do make her become a mom in their own fics or want to see that in the show, or try to implement your personal vision of 'what starlight should be' onto them, that much is a bit of a dick move. (you can make your own meta and nicely discuss but this ask is hella weird)

leik you could have just been honest and said 'i don't want starlight to have kids' and it would have made a 1000 times more sense and been more valid than whatever the hell this thing was.

i ramble a ton but don't care one way or another, which just makes this extra weird anon. honestly wtf. this might make more sense if i gushed about starlight becoming a mom as much as i did about butcher getting impregnated~<3 but i've only ever mentioned it in passing, probably once or twice?? normally in reference to predictions for *if* ryan survives, which i've made pretty clear i'm *not* holding out for. (that kid died in the comic by butcher's hand, given the parallels with the kid accidentally killing his mom in both comic and show, i'm expecting a similar parallel for him and butcher eventually) you sure this one was meant for me???

also, the way things are going + leaked spoilers, maybe don't be surprised if she does in fact become a mom in canon? (or if butcher causes her to have a miscarriage i guess. would not put it past him... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--)

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gkt-tummyaches · 5 months

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what are you're thoughts on rrb x ppnkg ships?

i think i touched on rowdyruff and powerpunk relationships earlier on, but mostly in a more platonic sense.

i've not really considered any of them relationship-wise and tbh i think, for my characterization of things, there might be only one i see possibly working out ?

as it stands, my headcanons for brat mean that there's no chance she's going to be in a relationship with a man. i think she'd be frenemies with brick and boomer, and the leading antagonist in their interactions.

she might be a little easier on boomer because he's berserk's best friend. simultaneously, that could be a reason for to be much harder on him too.

either way, no romance or attraction.

for brute, it's more that i don't really see her having an immediate romantic interest in anybody. as i've said before, she's somebody drawn more to what she could gain from forming connections with people - in my hc, at least - and therefore has no reason to find interest in the rowdyruff boys all that much.

that being said, i'm also super biased and i really like brututch. maybe not romantically, but i think brute definitely finds some level of attraction in butch. especially when considering that she probably views him as an accessory to butterup (somebody brute's very interested in, and would like to have leverage over in some shape or form.)

if anything, brick and boomer probably get in the way. i've already talked a bit about brute's opinions on them [here] so i'll keep it short: i don't really see brute with boomer or brick happening. or brute with any blues or reds for that matter rip

i think there are a few circumstances where brututch could become a relationship independent of buttercup, but they're mostly self-indulgent aus that i don't have reason to talk about 💔 otherwise, buttercup's prior involvement with brute is key to brute showing any kind of interest in butch - romantic, sexual, platonic, or all of the above.

brute would find appeal in how, despite popular belief, obedient he can be. in her words, as that's probably how brute would decide to contextualize butch's attempts to keep the boat from rocking when it comes to tricky situations.

for him, the chaos is only fun when he's the one orchestrating everything; his little grasps for control are both a point of intrigue and an amusing little plea for control that she can't wait to deny him. she's a bit of a sadist like that.

still imo the most plausible ship based on how i characterize them, out of all the rrb and ppnkg.

i will admit i did consider berserk with all three boys at one point when i was first trying to figure out what her vibe was.

bersick just didn't really give me any kind of entertainment (which isn't surprising, since brick in any ship has never really interested me.)

i ultimately settled on berserk and boomer as a friendship rather than a romantic ship because i felt it fit their dynamic a lot better. i've already gone into this a little bit [here] !!

in general i just don't think there's a lot of room for romance given how integral boomer is to berserk's first steps into what real friendship and support feels like. he's one of her first real friends that she starts to confide in and grow attached to. due to boomer's similarities to brat, berserk kind of sees him as a brotherly figure too. (even if it's not reciprocated.)

lastly, bersutch caught my eye very briefly. it was mostly because of my interest in blossutch, but surprisingly also because of my love for butchercup. (can you tell i have a favorite character ? /j)

no matter how i looked at it though, it felt like bersutch either just became some kind of diluted version of one ship or the other. bersutch isn't a very stimulating ship for me i guess, especially when taking into consideration the fact that i think berserk is somebody who still needs a lot of time to grow and figure herself out; butch is the same, and would probably recognize that and keep his distance - therefore no relationship.

on top of that, there's this very strange element to the ship that i'm not really sure how to describe. something about it just feels off no matter how i look at it. i can appreciate more questionable dynamics, like harmful/unhealthy relationships, being with somebody for less-than-moral reasons, being in a relationship solely to hurt one another or themselves, etc. there's a lot of 🪦🕊️ content that i've alluded to in the past that interests me.

but i'm not sure i'd even label bersutch as problematic ? it's just got this type of ,,, sense of dissolution that i'm not sure what to do with right now. maybe in future that in itself might be a reason i delve into the ship more, but for now i'm just tentatively putting it on the shelf. i don't really know what to make of it.

what makes the most sense to me is that berserk and butch end up in a platonic situation similar to boomer and buttercup: they have a very surface-level friendship that relies on a mutual to be present to save it from awkwardness. i think berserk would want to try and push butch's buttons and get bored when it doesn't work - much like brute, but lose interest rather than be encouraged to push further.

// overall ig my opinion on rrb x ppnkg is pretty bland. there's not a lot for me to say on the topic because other than brute/butch (usually in relation to buttercup/butch + brute/buttercup somehow) there's nothing of interest. most of my opinions on the ships stem from an older phase in the fandom where ppnkgs acted like homewreckers for the sake of a color-code ship coming out on top. which, while some other people's cup of tea, is not mine. i might come back to this after some thought. for now i'll just be in my corner procrastinating writing a fic please forgive more misspellings than normal im very tired

#powerpuff girls #powerpunk girls #powerpunk brute #powerpunk berserk #powerpunk brat #ppnkg #rowdyruff boys #rowdyruff brick #rowdyruff butch #rowdyruff boomer #rrb #shipping discourse #headcanons #ask

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beautifulpersonpeach · 6 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/beautifulpersonpeach/732115125629321216/i-find-some-your-reactions-towards-tae-pretty?source=share

The one I couldn't quite stomach was borderline implying date rape - that Tae would get women drunk to have sex with them. That's crossing a line to imply such depravity.

Not only is he probably in a committed relationship with a girl since late 2021 if people believe the Taennie rumour all the way through, he can't really drink a lot and was literally peer-pressured into drinking by other men on the team such as Yoongi, Jimin, JK and possibly Jin. I can respect you BPP for how amazing your grasp of the industry is, but when it comes to members it seems very coloured and biased by discourse in various bubbles rather than actual content.

***

Your link.

Lol! Now we're getting somewhere. I know I probably shouldn't dismiss what you're saying given how aggrieved you appear to be and how serious this charge is, but now that I see the basis of your recent asks... you're not giving me much of a choice here lmao.

I kinda thought you were talking about my reaction to Tae's recent habit of Black cosplay, and was prepared to tell you exactly what I think about your taking issue with it. But the reality is far more silly. Thank goodness.

So, what got you ticked off, (or led to your current conclusion of how I feel about Tae) was this post.

After publishing it I got a bunch of asks from people I assumed to be akgaes of various members (only Jin akgaes didn't respond), and I deleted them all almost instantly because I thought they were silly. Thinking about it now, and looking at your writing style, it's possible your ask was among them. And the only reason I'm taking your ask seriously this time, is because you've leveled a pretty serious charge, and so I realize I'm probably not giving you enough benefit of doubt.

I understand tone is generally difficult to convey through text, but if you could not tell that entire thing was a massive shitpost, and that nothing untoward was even actually implied for any member... then you have me wondering about more than just your sense of humour.

Speaking more generally, I've talked about this before but I've noticed the cultural zeitgeist now is this weird combination of a puritanical black/white attitude to topics around sex but in a culture that claims to be more sex-positive and self-aware than any generation that came before them. Like people generally okay with the idea of women engaging in casual sex or one night stands after a party, but eliminating the agency of the woman in initiating, consenting to, and participating in it to claim she's advocating for being date raped...

...as you've managed to do in this ask.

Because, again, the premise of the original ask was, and I quote: "...the one who would make YOU feel the best in bed?"

But maybe I'm not giving you much benefit of doubt.

Maybe you've experienced some sexual trauma in the past and so you're sensitive to any mention of casual sex + alcohol/drugs

Maybe you're religious and so the whole idea is abhorrent to you on a moral fundamental level

Maybe you've seen this characterization of Taehyung made before in more unkind spaces and felt I was feeding into that

And this is aside from the general posture in online spaces these days, where the default is to presume the worst possible interpretations and so people constantly couch their words in qualifying phrases to prevent someone else taking it the wrong way.

...all that aside, allow me to spell it out for you that:

This was a shitpost. It's not meant to be true to life for any member.

There's nothing actually wrong with a person (a woman in this case) comfortable with a man being attentive to them at a party and keeping their drinks (or legal drug of choice) flowing so long as they consent to it.

There's nothing wrong with a man (or person) propositioning another person for sex at a party. Obviously.

I understand there's some debate about this in some circles, but I believe it's possible for a person to consent to sex while drinking. If someone is so drunk they can't walk straight, speak or think relatively clearly, then obviously they cannot consent, and nowhere was this actually implied in my post.

I almost can't believe I'm saying all this lol, but I also get that such is the nature of the internet where you're exposed to all sorts of people, each with their own belief systems, and while I assumed most of my readers are adults, it's possible you might not be.

So Anon, if this was the basis for your sniff test on whether or not I hate Tae, you can rest assured that's not the case. Neither is it for the other members I painted in other colourful ways in that post.

#should this be a small psa?#taehyung #jimin #jungkook #namjoon #hoseok #yoongi #seokjin

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hajihiko · 2 years

Note

Now I want more angst headcanons! Thank you for making me emotional about my blorbos. Do you have some about Fuyuhiko?

Of COURSE I do

I've already done art about him being wary around dogs because he casually mentions his parents used 'the dogs' as punishment?

He knows his upbringing is really unorthodox, but like Akane, he can't really grasp exactly how messed up it was and thinks other people overreact when he talks about morbid stuff

He has. A concerning attitude towards his own life. I've talked about that before so I wont repeat myself but he's generally way too callous about his mortality and there's an unspoken idea to kinda keep an eye on him any time they're in a terse situation. Which is good and fair because his Talent is useless outside of leadership qualities, pain tolerance and being a good strategist, so to him, worst case scenario, his life is sort of a bargaining chip. Better him than them.

He has super high pain tolerance (walking out of a hospital after losing his eye, cutting himself open, removing his own eye) and it's something he and/or his clan cultivated on purpose.

Canon info: he was kidnapped at least once as a child, along with Peko. It's alluded that Peko has killed someone before entering Hope's Peak. Possibly a connection? Peko doing What She Must to save them, Fuyuhiko a witness to the whole thing?

He isn't as affected by his Remnant memories as most of the others, since he (and Sonia) was mostly a tactician and didn't do a lot of hands-on murder himself. He's also just really used to compartmentalizing all that messy business. What DOES still get to him sometimes is his sister's murder and his own revenge killing (and Mahiro and Peko's deaths). What gets him the most is he does not regret Sato's murder, and doesn't feel appropriate guilt for the rest.

Actually thinks the other Survivors are too good as a people for him, but a) it's not like Can leave and b) he wants to protect them

When Natsumi died in the anime, Fuyuhiko didn't react. Hc that he channelled all his grief into revenge and didn't let anything show in front of his people, but had a proper breakdown after Sato's murder, alone

His Super Tough Yakuza Masculinity Complex means he too is kind of freaked out abt his sexuality (or more accurately, just never thought he had a choice until society collapsed)

This is more about all the Survivors (besides Akane) but Touch Starvation is a thing

It was almost hard trying to find stuff I havent already talked about hahaha

#Not an art #Talky talky Tuesday #Fuyuhiko #Hes an angry confused little man and I love him

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videogamelover99 · 2 years

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hi!! do you have any ideas about Dazai’s need for control? could be answered possibly in a sexual type way too if you want. when I read stormbringer he phased me as the type to rarely allow things out of his own jurisdiction and chuuyas rivalry to that control, even though he usually falls under it, excites him.

Ahh I do have some thoughts sexual or otherwise.

I think that as a child Dazai always noticed more about the people and the world around him than anyone expected him too, and as a result he came to see people in general as predictable and boring. Add to that how unnerved the adults around him would be, that this child points out things a "normal" child would never be able to grasp (sort of like how Mori saw Dazai between him gaining power and Fifteen), and you have a kid who hasn't been shown much sympathy because he is too intelligent and doesn't know when or how to hide it well.

I think he relied on his intelligence and ability to manipulate people a lot when he was younger, mostly for survival. I think control gives him a source of confort as well as endless frustration cause nothing can scare him, but nothing can exceed his expectations, either.

So when that control is taken away from him, it both excites him and frightens him. Which is part of why he hates Chuuya so much!

The first time Dazai met Chuuya, he had a specific impression he stuck to that we the audience know is false, but Dazai had been confident in up until Chuuya said "I am Arahabaki."

This is one of the few times we see Dazai genuinely caught off guard. It's a shock reflected both in his words on the page and in the illustration. Because Dazai was so sure he got the gist of what Chuuya was about.

What was the gist, you ask? Well.

The first time Dazai meets Chuuya, he calls him an "arrogant brat". He claims that Chuuya relies on his power so much that he fails to be good at anything without it. He sees the way Chuuya interacts with the Sheep, how this powerful, arrogant person acts subservient to them, how much he hates his own position as "King of the Sheep". There's also this bit:

Then, during his talk with Randou, Dazai reveals Mori's theory of "undercooked meat":

And I thought huh, that's weird, if I'd put Chuuya anywhere, it would be the meat everyone's trying to haggle over, not one of the people who steals the meat from others. Cause I, the audience, knew who Chuuya was already. But Dazai didn't. In Dazai's eyes, Chuuya's goals are inherently set apart from the Sheep's. Which isn't true, on a basic level. Chuuya looking jnto the rumors inherently benefits the group, because it affects Chuuya. If someone is looking into Arahabaki, it threatens Chuuya and as a result, threatens the safety of the rest of the Sheep. His goal also isn't a goal which warrants this comment:

What I think Dazai assumed: Chuuya is a powerful ability user that has to put up with the Sheep and their demands despite having goals of his own. He's arrogant, to the point where he keeps his hands in his pockets in the hopes of meeting a true challenge, despite the disadvantage. This is why he wants to find Arahabaki: a powerful destructive diety that is capable of leveling an island, so he can find a true challenge and conquer it.

This is why he thought of Chuuya as one of the people stealing the meat. Because the goal above is arrogant and selfish. But, that's not at all what Chuuya wanted. And when Dazai learned he underestimated not only Chuuya's strength, but his character?

Chuuya going against Dazai's predictions both frightened him, angered him, and excited him, to the point where Dazai found that willingness to live again. I think a lot of his facination with Chuuya stems from that. We see Chuuya getting underestimated twice again by Dazai in Stormbringer. First time when Dazai thinks Verlaine can convince Chuuya to kill N, and the second time, when Dazai assumes Chuuya is dead, but he survives anyway, and doesn't even need Dazai's help lmao (which, y'know, we have Adam to thank for, but still).

Corruption facinates Dazai the same way. It's a force of nature and destruction, unable to be controlled, except Dazai can still nullify it. But what's weird is that every time he does, Dazai is strangely humbled by it? He doesn't really think of it as him "controlling" Chuuya's ability as much as "wow I can't believe I can touch this god-like creature and be able to do this wow".

Insteresting to note how Dazai can't control is own ability. At all. It just happens.

So yeah, I think contolling the situation is a comfort to Dazai, it's a constant in his life. Chuuya both unnerves him and intrigues him cause he keeps pushing against Dazai's control and his expectations.

Idk what you want me to say on the sexy aspect of it I think Dazai wouldn't give up being a dom unless you dragged him away kicking and screaming

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #asks #dazai osamu #character analysis #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #yknow sometimes chuuya does drag him away kicking and screaming #but im more into the idea of dazai taking care of chuuya a lot of the time?#listen that Dead Apple scene did something to me okay #its basically their dynamic already #post corruption at least #dazai is a service top thats my final answer

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theamityelf · 7 months

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while reading your Koma/Kamuaegi fics I kinda started wondering about the end goal of the pairings you have tagged. Like it might just be me being blind or not grasping it because they’re still wip and only have a few chapters and I’m not used to reading stories the way you write them. or reading slowburns?but I don’t really see to much of a physical attraction between the characters ( to clarify I don’t mean in like a sexual way or whatever) but it only really seems that komeada likes Naegi for his talent or Kamakura’s only interested because of the emotional responses he gets out of it. What I’m trying to ask is are we gonna get that romancey stuff or are you going for a more queer platonic route. Again this might just be me not being able to pick up or notice the signs cuz I’m stupid or whatever, I’m kinda new to your tumblr and your fics so I wasn’t really sure and decided to ask in a ridiculously long ask lol.

This is a tough question. (And no worries about the length of the ask!) I can only give my own interpretation, because I feel like different people can feel or think differently as they read it, and I think the readers' interpretation is also valid. (Also, I get self-conscious when I talk too much about my own writing, because I feel like I come across as arrogant, but I'm getting over that. 😁)

I would say that Kamukura and Nagito aren't in a place where they can have uncomplicated reasons for liking someone, if that makes sense? And you're right to point out that kind of in both cases, the initial pull for them is that they see a good feeling (Nagito would put it differently, but it's functionally similar) and just hurl themselves at it, and the good feeling happens to come from Makoto. That's not to say he's incidental to the whole thing; they don't get good feelings from him for no reason. They get good feelings from him because they've seen who he is and something in them feels soothed, or comforted, or awakened, or whatever else. They just have roundabout ways of expressing or acknowledging those feelings.

In Nagito's case (and I assume, for him, we're talking "A Panel of Hope Experts"), he's not just attracted to Makoto because he's the Ultimate Hope, but also (among other things) because Makoto didn't want Enoshima to die and Nagito desperately needs someone to tell him he doesn't deserve to die. His Ultimate Hope title gives him a level of authority that means Nagito feels justified taking his word for it when he says he deserves to be alive, but he probably wouldn't be wrapping himself so tightly around an Ultimate Hope he didn't fully trust to keep reinforcing that he's worthy of life.

The fact that both Nagito and Makoto are so in need of reassurance means that it's pretty easy to imagine a scenario where they just kind of...maintain each other? Like, Makoto's "You're not trash, and you don't deserve to die," for Nagito's "Nothing that happened was your fault, and you're worthy of being called the Ultimate Hope." In Chapter 7, we see Makoto listening to Nagito's praise and taking comfort in it, and we see Nagito really enjoying being listened to and kind of relied on. And I would say that feeling that existed between them there is fertile land for something nice or something super dangerous.

But I'm getting off-track. Generally, for Nagito, I would say that any genuine attraction he feels for Makoto, he is unwilling or unable to think of it as such, because the moment this stops being service of the Ultimate Hope and starts being, well, kidnapping a guy he likes and trusts because he can see an excuse to do so that fits with his personally-held convictions, then he loses his justification for pursuing what makes him feel good. In Chapter 3, when he thinks about the fact that he finds Makoto "pretty", his next thought is to compare and contrast his beauty to Enoshima's. In Chapters 5 and 6, he becomes very conscious of the wind because he considers it an excuse to touch Makoto's hair. There is a point where he is explicitly waiting for the wind to blow so that he can touch Makoto's hair again. These are manifestations of, as Hajime put it, "interpersonal attraction" that are separate from his "ideological worship".

In Kamukura's case, I would say that he usually just doesn't consider himself subject to feelings in general, let alone attraction to anyone, and as a result it doesn't occur to him to think of things that way unless he's given a ton of evidence. In "Property Rights of the Ultra-Talented", I think he pretty much does consider himself attracted to Naegi, but in "Despair's Throbbing Heart," he's not there yet. And both of these are Yandere Kamukura stories, so that informs things. Not to spoil, but he is (going to be) a different kind of yandere in "Property Rights" than he is in "Despair's Throbbing Heart". And I don't think enough chapters there are up yet for me to go into more detail without spoiling, lol.

I guess TL;DR is: Nagito and Kamukura are not super reliable narrators or expositors of how they feel or what they want. I don't think I can speak to the end goal of the ships, really? I can say that they like each other and that they are not in the best place emotionally to express those feelings in a healthy way. I hope all that made sense, lol.

#danganronpa #nagito komaeda #izuru kamukura #makoto naegi #komaegi #kamuegi #my fanfiction

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thededebean · 8 months

Text

Hiking with the professor pt 2. Enjoy.

The third and final day brought us over a river and into some thick brush.

We were further from the trailhead but it will be all downhill tomorrow on the way home.

Everyone was tired and just powered up the hill.

I was walking with Mr. Remy at the front again forging the way. He held my hand a couple times if there was a cliffside we had to walk along. He was very gentle and helpful while watching out for my safety.

As we approached the river there was an elk stag a couple meters downstream of us that roared.

Mr Remy leaned into my ear and said, "that's the sound he makes when he is horny. He can probably smell your sex from there. I'm sure the whole group can." Then he chuckled. "Your underwear must have been very hard to sleep in last night after our little fun at the fire."

I went flush in my cheeks. Embarrassed by how turned on I was still. I am continually surprised by the dark side this man had.

We began to cross the river. It was waist deep but slower moving so we could do it safely.

"Everyone should take a few seconds in the river and freshen up. Keep your eyes to yourself since it's coed."

With my backpack on the side I got back into the river, letting the cooo water flow inside my shorts. I splashed water up my torso, washing my arms and neck. Lina and Matt were fully making out with each other by this point rubbing their hands all over "cleaning each other." Everyone else keeping to themselves. Relaxing.

I began to float over to Mr Remy innocently. I turned my back towards him and motioned for him to wash it off. He pulled me in just close enough and began to "clean me" as well.

He had one hand on my back to make it look innocent but then he dropped one hand in between my ass and his cock. He gently grasped my butt and then slipped his finger on the outside of my clothes down to my pussy lips and slid his finger along me just for what felt like an eternity but was actually probably seconds.

"Ok that's all the cleaning you're gonna get." He whispered into my ear. "Don't you dare reach in to your own pants and pretend that you're cleaning up either. " he pushed back and started wading away from me.

"Alright everyone, let's keep it moving." He yelled.

The area we chose for our final night was densely packed and sort of tiered for our tenting areas.

Mr. Remy was the furthest up and I was just next after him of course. There was quite a distance between us and the next further down campers. 'Thankfully?' I thought. 'I think...'

My head is swimming. I haven't been given any release after two nights of foreplay. I am so horny and sexually frustrated. I'm not thinking straight.

At dark everyone seem to get a second wind So they all gathered around the campfire and started dancing, singing songs and telling ghost stories.

I told everyone I was tired and proceeded to go up to Mr. Remy's tent. I had to take off all my wet clothes to dry first so I threw those in my own tent. It needed to be glaringly obvious my intentions.

I didn't put on a dry set on my way up to his tent so I was butt ass naked on the way up. I needed it to be hard for him to resist me.

Just at that second Mr. Remy also exited the fire pit group. I think he was a little stunned at first but then ran up behind me and pushed me into a tree. Making my bottom available to himself.

In the dark of the forest he immediately slid his fingers along my pussy and figured out where my mound was. I gasped out loud then bit my finger so as to semi shut my mouth. The last thing I wanted was for that young horny stag to hear me moaning tonight.

He used his strong fingers and circled and circled and circled my hot spot while kissing up and down my back. He was very generous suddenly. He spent a few minutes pushing me to the edge.

I was about to cum and he knew it. I was moaning as quiet as I could with every circle. My hips went still when he pushed his thumb into my hole. I started to absolutely gush on his hand. "Cum for me baby. Give me your first cum." He begged.

I let out a semi silent scream as I folded in half in front of him. He continued to finger fuck me for a few seconds while I writhed in ecstasy. Vulnerable and exposed in the dark I could feel my liquids running down my thigh.

"Oh that was much more than I thought you were gonna give me." He growled. "I guess you REALLY like to be teased." He patted my pussy, removing his fingers and then grabbed my hips, steadying me.

I felt pretty mind dumb for a few seconds on the come down. "You're not worried about everyone hearing me?" I muttered.

"You're not worried about your friend sneaking off and doing the same thing and maybe seeing you being a dirty slut for the professor?" He teased again. "They're all too busy singing, don't worry."

We could hear them belting out .... Something incoherently in unison.

"Are you ready for my cock? I don't think you're done coming for me yet! Do you want me to fuck you out here or in the tent?" My Remy asked.

"Out here!"

"Oh I'm going to give it to you out here then. I'm going to wrap your little body around my cock and fuck you here in the dark."

Mr Remy pushed me to the ground into a soft bit of grass then pushed my legs open so I was fully exposed. The moonlight above was streaming perfectly onto my body.

He grabbed my head and forced me to look at my pussy. It was glistening from my own cum. He took his cock out of the fly in his pants and dropped it on my mound, lapping up the juice. Mixing in his own. "I'm going to keep my clothes on. How's it feel being the only slut so exposed here?" He said darkly. "You're so dirty but you play it so innocently. It turns me on so much."

This wasn't something I have ever done with a partner before. It was so dirty and animalistic. I felt so taken care of, teased, but also very much like a slut for teacher. He wasn't playing soft anymore.

He grabbed his cock and slid it down, parting my lips from the top to the bottom. " I'm going to enter you now. Don't you dare look away!"

I could feel his gaze again, looking directly at me while I watched him split me open in the moonlight.

My eyes dropped and fluttered but I did what he told me to. I saw the head go in and out.

In and out. In and out.

Then he pushed further in the top half of his hard cock where I began to feel fuller and fuller. Wincing in pleasure.

He then pushed all the way in pressing the cool zipper against my sex. I let out a gasp.

I reached down to rub my own pussy. Brushing his shaft as I did.

"Yes. Make yourself cum. Give it to me and make yourself cum, that's right." Mr Remy implored.

I found myself circling the button at the same pace he did a few minutes ago. Caressing his hot, slippery shaft as it came out. It really seemed to work.

The slow and steady pace he was fucking me with was working wonders. If we weren't outside I would have thought the stars above were fake. Because, oh I was seeing them alright.

Mr Remy began to kiss me all over my torso and neck.

I was wiggling and rocking from being fucked slowly. My fingers sped up on my own body finding a new rhythm. Finally Mr Remy rolled my nipples in his teeth gently. Pulling them up and away then dropping them to make my breasts jiggle.

The constant slow pace grew astir and I found myself bracing for my second cum.

"Are you ready to...." Mr Remy got cut off.

"Ohhh fuck. Ohhhhhh." I panted and came with a soft stroke of his penis deep inside.

"That one snuck up on you didn't it?!" Mr Remy smirks and kisses my legs.

"Oh my God." I expel from my quivering lips.

"I'm going to keep fucking you now a little harder because I too would like to get my chance to cum. Okay?"

I didn't need more than a second to recover this time. It's always easy to get to the third after the first two, Isn't it?

Greedily, my hands pull Mr Remy's hips into mine and he quickly speeds up his pace. He is Beginning to grunt now.

"You should cum once again with me though. Cum at the same time as me Monica. I want you to cum just once more okay?" He begged.

His thumb swatted away my fingers from my own button and he began to find my tell by the swing of my hips that it was working.

His balls were slapping my bottom and I could nearly contain myself. I felt myself get rigid and tense up just when I did I felt his body get so hot.

"Cum for me baby, cum for me right now. Cum uhhhhhgg uhhhhh yes. Can you feel my inside emptying my load into you?"

"Oh.... Fuck ......!" I joined.

"Oh baby your pussy is grabbing my cock and I can feel it pulsing again."

He collapsed on to me for a second. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I am exhausted.

A few minutes later the cold started to nip and I felt myself being picked up and carried off to my tent.

I was placed carefully on to my mat.

"Kiss me!" I muttered sleepily as he tucked me in to my bed.

"Oh you want me to kiss you?" He chuckled. "My mouth is not for dirty dirty hiking sluts, hot for teacher."

He zips the tent and hobbled off to his own.

#story #me #hiking #public

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livelaughwhump · 2 years

Text

With Bound and Broken Wings

Part 3

Content: captivity, manipulation, gentle whumper (at first), dehumanization, (non-sexual) noncon touching

. . .

Mikah curled into himself, wrapping his wings tighter around his shivering body. He refused to face the barred door, especially after the general dismissed his sons and opened the creaking door.

Mikah listened to the sound of heavy footsteps slowly approaching him. Mikah unintentionally released a soft whimper and flinched as the general grew closer.

"You poor thing," the general said in a gentle voice. The general knelt beside Mikah and began petting his soft wings. Mikah yelped and squirmed. "You must be absolutely terrified."

Tears welled in Mikah's eyes, and he buried his face between his knees. Several quiet sobs escaped his throat. He was shaking uncontrollably as hot tears dripped down his cheeks. Goosebumps rose on his exposed arms and he shivered.

"You must be wondering why you're here," the general continued. "Surely, you thought hunters capture and kill avians and keep their wings as trophies. Of course, that is the goal for many hunters. But not for me." The general began playing with Mikah's wings, ruffling his feathers and watching them twitch. "You have no idea how rare it is to catch one of you alive. Why would I have any desire to destroy such a beautiful creature?"

Mikah couldn't even try to listen to the general's words. The feeling of a stranger's hands caressing and toying with his sensitive wings overtook every thought in his mind.

"Look at me, won't you, little bird? I want to fully assess my masterpiece."

Mikah didn't move, still struggling to listen to the general's words.

"I said, LOOK AT ME!" The general shouted. He stood and forcefully turned Mikah around by his wing. Mikah would've gasped, had it not been for the muzzle still locking his jaw shut. Instead, a quiet yelp escaped his throat. The general smirked. "Ah, there you are."

Mikah stared at the general with terror in his eyes, hands straining against his steel shackles.

The general knelt back down beside Mikah. "Such a beautiful creature," he whispered, gently caressing Mikah's tear-stained cheek. Mikah shuddered and squeezed his eyes closed, turning his head as far as he could with the metal collar around his neck. A sob escaped Mikah's throat. "It's a pity I have to keep you locked away. You would make a lovely display piece."

A single tear slid down Mikah's face, catching on the general's finger as he wiped it away.

The general smirked and said, "Why don't we get this silly thing off of you." The general reached behind Mikah's head to the clasps that secured the muzzle to the avian's face. "How am I meant to admire my new pet when I can hardly see its face?"

Mikah cried silently, keeping his eyes lowered, as the general unclasped the muzzle and pulled it away.

The general smiled and used two fingers to gently tilt Mikah's head up. Mikah's lower lip quivered. He wanted to speak, to beg the general to let him go, but he was too terrified to open his mouth.

"What's wrong, little bird?" The general asked. "Aren't you going to say something? Surely you have a lot of questions. So, go on."

Mikah was silent. He sniffled and turned his gaze away from the general.

The general's amused smile faded into a scowl. His gentle touch was gone, and instead, he tightly grasped Mikah's face, digging his nails into the avian's cheeks. Mikah gasped and stared at his captor with terror in his eyes. "Perhaps I haven't made myself clear," the general said through gritted teeth. "You belong to me now, and when I give you an order, you obey me without question. I am not a patient man, and I am not above punishing you if I am disobeyed. Do you understand?" Mikah violently nodded, and the general delivered a sharp slap to his face. Mikah yelped and cried as the general's grip on his face grew tighter. "Speak!" Thr general shouted.

Mikah sniffled and said, "Yes, I-I under-understand."

Another slap.

"Yes, what, pet?"

"Y-yes, s-sir."

This time, the general released his grip on Mikah's face and abruptly yanked out a fistful of his feathers. Mikah screamed, snot and tears streaming down his face.

"Nice try, pet," the general began, grabbing Mikah's hair to yank his head back. "But I am your master now, and you will refer to me as such. Understand? I. Own. You. Do I make myself clear?"

Mikah was sobbing, his whole body trembling in pain and fear. "Y-Yes, M-Master."

The general smiled triumphantly and released his grip on Mikah's hair, but not before throwing him against the concrete wall. Mikah crumpled into a sobbing heap on the ground.

The general stood to his feet, towering over Mikah's pathetic form. "Remember this, pet. Do not test me. I will not always be this merciful."

"Yes, M-Master." Mikah's voice was shaking almost as much as the rest of his body. Blood dripped from his wing, staining his pristine feathers an angry shade of red.

The general grunted in response before turning and walking out of Mikah's cell, slamming the barred door shut on his way out.

Mikah listened as the sound of his footsteps receded. Mikah folded into a fetal position where he buried his face in his shackled hands and wept.

. . .

Iain couldn't sleep that night. He thought about the sight of the avian in the basement. As much as he preferred to fixate on its beauty, he couldn't help but feel sad as he thought about the way its body shook as it cried. He wondered what his father was doing to it. He wondered if it was okay.

Iain turned his head to face the bed on the opposite side of the room where his twin brother slept. "Kei?" he whispered.

"Hmm?" was all he got in return.

"Are you awake?"

"Awake," Kei's voice responded.

"Do you think the avian is okay? You don't think Dad hurt it, do you?" Iain asked.

"Hm...Dad hurts," Kei murmured, almost incoherently. "Avian hurt Dad. Okay. Kei is okay."

Iain rolled his eyes. "Dumbass," he whispered under his breath. He sighed and thought silently for a few more seconds before he threw his comforter off of his legs and pushed himself out of bed. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was halfway to the basement.

The moment he reached the bottom of the stares, Iain paused at the sound of loud sobbing. His heart dropped and he reluctantly took several steps forward.

Seeing the avian again was more bitter than sweet. The avian was curled into a fetal position on the floor, hugging its arms around itself, and sobbing uncontrollably. It was visibly shaking, and its feathers were crusted with dried blood.

Iain didn't know what to do. He hadn't thought about what he would say if it turned out that the general had hurt the avian. He licked his lips and cleared his throat, which caught the avian's attention.

The avian gasped and scrambled backward, pushing itself into the corner of the cell. It tried to make itself as small as possible as it wrapped its wings around itself.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Iain frantically apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you! I'm not here to hurt you, I promise!"

The avian glanced up at him, and Iain caught sight of its bloodshot eyes.

"I-I came down here earlier, with-with my brother. My-My name is Iain." The avian did nothing but stare at him, wordlessly. "Do you have a name?" Iain asked.

The avian's gaze wavered, which Iain assumed meant the answer was yes.

"What is it?" Iain pried, but the avian didn't answer. Iain's stomach dropped. "You don't have to be afraid. I don't know what the general did to you, but I'm nothing like him, I promise."

The avian flinched at the mention of the general. It looked away from Iain and buried its face between its knees. Iain sighed. Having felt the general's wrath firsthand, he was more than familiar with this reaction.

"I'm sorry," Iain softly apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you, I-" Iain paused, unsure of how to remedy this situation that he created. "I-I'll just leave you alone." Iain waited a moment, staring at the avian as he waited for any sign of protest, but the avian didn't move from its pitiful position. With that, Iain sighed again before slowly making his way out the basement.

. . .

To Be Continued...

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