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jaunefleurwrites · 1 year

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OLD SCENES

Do you ever feel like nothing ever goes your way? Even when you live life smooth sailing, you still feel ungrateful for the wonderful life you are granted. But still, the cloud of negativity and the past comes heavily to haunt you in your past and future. Damin couldn't handle it even $ro_they didn't grow up to be a spoiled "asshole" who lashes out on anyone, but $ro_they grew up learning how to hurt $ro_themself, to drown $ro_their misery to destructive tendencies.

Lips entangled tasting like alcohol in $ro_their togue, battling as neon blue lights washed over them. Damin's hands gripped on the blonde's red short waves and in turn, they seized onto $ro_their waist. Hazy from the influence of alcohol and the intense kiss ongoing the $ro_gender teetered back into the wall.

Rainbow lights swing back and forth in the dark hour in the nightclub. Damin pulls back from the kiss but the other tries to chase after $ro_their lips only to be blocked by $ro_their hand. $ro_They mutter out an apology before leaving them in the isolated corner. $ro_They scans over the club for a familiar face, and spotted her who wasn't far off so $ro_they head over to $ro_their to a bleached blonde girl in the bar who smirks at $ro_their presence. "Who's the cute hottie that you were getting steamy with? Your new toy?"

"Hey, Lori." Raising a brow as $ro_they cross $ro_their arms "I don't know since I never asked," Damin shrugged as $ro_they take a seat next to her, downing a stolen glass of beer, relishing the familiar burn. It pours down $ro_their throat smoothly, face scrunched up from the bitter aftertaste. "//Fuck//."

"Very shameless of you, pinkie pie." Eyes and words teasing but as soon Damin reaches out for another drink, quickly the girl pulls her pink-haired friend's hands before $ro_they drown $ro_themself into bigger shit and hangover.

"Take it easy with drinks, every time you get drunk, you do recklessly stubborn things that you'll wind up in jail and your daddy got to bail you out more than five times" Lori advises but when she takes a look at Damin, her mouths drop, "What the fuck did you do with your hair?"

If Damin is female: The long silky hair dyed pink has been messily chopped off short reaching to her shoulders just like a tween cutting their own bangs using craft scissors on their own in the comfort of their bathroom.

If Damin is male: Short hair dyed pink chopped off into different lengths, cropped shorter than it used to be just like a tween cutting their own hair using one of the craft scissors in the comfort of their own bathroom.

"You don't like it?"

"No, no, n---pffft," she tries to deny but ends up snorting, muffling any laughter running from her mouth. "It's //super// edgy."

Damin's brown eyes narrowed at her, not buying bullshit that she spews from her mouth but didn't say anything otherwise so $ro_they took a deep breath, taking a cigarette pack from the girl's bag, ignoring any of the protests from $ro_their friend, $ro_they takes one stick to their mouth. "Got any light?"

Lori sighs heavily before taking a lighter out from her pocket to the cigarette on the pink-haired $ro_gender's mouth. "Seriously, you gotta stop stealing my stuff. Get your own." $ro_They smirked. "You love me!"

"I love you so much that if you die in the ditch somewhere, I won't even care," the blonde deadpanned. The smile didn't once deter instead $rp_they tipsly hang $ro_their arm around Lori who scowls at the simple action. "Aww, you admit it!"

The phone began to vibrate against the back pocket on Damin's pants. Inhaling a sharp breath, $ro_they click against the roof $ro_their mouth. $ro_They takes a quick look at the caller ID to only see an unknown number. Pinching the bridge of $ro_their nose, $ro_they part $ro_their mouth to speak."Sorry got to take this."

"Sure." Lori nods as Damin pulls away from $ro_their seat to head outside, away from the noise. "I got to head back to my girlfriend. Hell knows what she's doing."

The atmosphere outside was different and quiet. Damin felt that $ro_they can finally breathe. Rolling the cigarette between their fingers, $ro_they presses to accept the call. "Hello," the other line was quiet for a while before they spoke.

"Nok...?"

Damin dropped $ro_their cigarette.

-----

The floor is stale white, the walls are bland bluish-green color. The emergency department of the hospital was still busy even at two o'clock on the earliest mornings. A tall Asian man dressed in a formal suit with a beautiful woman rushed in from the glass automatic doors with a frantic and panicked look. they both hurry to the receptionist to ask, "I got a call. I-Is Damin Lim here?" he asks, his chest heaving heavily.

The receptionist nods and instructs them to a room. After saying his thanks, he grabs his wife's hand as they hurry. The woman then squeezes his hand to reassure him, he calms down. They walk into the room to meet the young teen who was chatting happily as the nurse does a physical examination on $ro_them. As soon as Damin notices the two adults enter the room, $ro_they waves $ro_their hand and smiles. "Hey, Dad and Ari."

"Damin! Are you hurt?" The woman named Ariya then rushes in to check $ro_their injuries. "Are you alright?" she asks once more, eyes full of concern. $ro_They chuckle and assures the tearing woman that $ro_they's fine. She reaches out to $ro_them for a hug.

"What happened?" Kiet turns to the nurse.

"Your child is fine, $ro_they don't need to stay overnight, you can take $ro_them back home once I clean $ro_their wounds to prevent any infection. Luckily $ro_they come out from the accident with only just some scrapes and bruises," she explains. "I'll be back." She then leaves the room, leaving the three alone.

"Hey, Dad, Hey Ariya..."Damin chuckles anxiously."Where's Prija?"Ariya responds as she steadies her breath, trying not to hover over the young $ro_gender too much. "Your sister is at home asleep, Mrs. Abdullah offered to watch over her."

After moments of quiet, Keit spoke up. "Ariya, leave us for a moment. I need to talk $ro_them."

"But--" He cuts her firmly, "Alone."

Ariya stands still for a moment, her gaze of concern lingered on Damin who smiled as if saying that it was okay. She nods reluctantly and leaves the room, her heels clomping. Then Keit took his spot next to Damin's bed in a maroon armchair as his $ro_child avoided meeting his eyes. "What happened?" he asked at last.

"I wasn't drunk when I crush the motorcycle this time." The older man raised his brows, but Damin inclined $ro_their head and said nothing more, rubbing $ro_their arm.

"Then what happened?!" the older man snaps, he stands up from his chair at once. "You promised me that you won't get into trouble anymore! It's hard to keep the press off our back! I don't want my PR to contact me that your face is on the newspaper for this!" His eyes widen and race back his steps, pulling his gelled hair down, regret washed over him, then he tries to retract his words, his word was more gentle, "...Damin.// I---I//...Sorry...I shouldn't have worded it like that," he then sighs. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"...Mom called," Damin says so quietly as if it was a whisper.

"Ariya?"

"You know I don't call Ariya Mom."

Keit shuts his mouth, his eyes roam over his uncharacteristically quiet $ro_child. "...Madee called?"

Damin snorts, mirthlessly. "Do I have any other mothers that I'm not aware of?" $ro_they say offhandedly. "Thirteen years. No word. Didn't know if she was dead or alive, or she had this new family that she started over with now that I was out of the picture." The man itched to scold the young $ro_gender's choice of remarks but didn't so he takes $ro_their bandaged hand to his and listen to $ro_them quietly. "....I used to think she would come back for me."

"Damin," $ro_they meet $ro_their father's eyes, full of sadness and worry. He held a tight grip on $ro_their hand. "You are spiraling. You don't care about school anymore, you don't care about yourself anymore---//and nothing else.// Ariya and Prija are worried so am I so I decided that I'm going to pull you out from your classes and send you to my mother's."

Damin's jaw dropped and the pain $ro_their body isn't compared to the pain in $ro_their heart. "You're tired of dealing with me now that you are abandoning me now as she did, aren't you?"

"I'm not abandoning you," Keit frowns at $ro_their assumption. "I want you to get better. Do you know how many times I had to bail you out! Let's not forget the fact that you almost died today, Damin! I did everything I could---//I don't know what I did wrong.//" he slumps back to the chair his hand in his head.

"Nothing is wrong with you," Damin says. " You are perfect. That's why I'm like this...I'm just a stain of your perfect life. A mistake that almost cost you your perfect reputation and your perfect family. I can't hate you, Ariya, and Prija. You are all nothing but good to me since I arrived. Ariya didn't mistreat and lash out her frustrations at me as the $ro_child of her husband and some other woman. Prija still treats me as her big $ro_sibling even though we don't have the same mother. It would have been easier to blame you guys that I turned out like this if you weren't good people."

"Damin...Despite the complications of your birth. We do love you and see you...always did."

"Then why am I so fucked up?" Breaking down, gripping on the white sheet with $ro_their hands. $ro_they can feel tears dropping to $ro_their lap. Keit takes Damin's head to his chest, leaning into the comfort, "Because you won't let us in, but we are still trying...Just remember Damin...running away or retreating is only a temporary solution. One day you must learn how to stand on your own." The $ro_gender nods against his chest.

"One day there will be problems that will not wait for you."

#awwy #a world without you #ch: damin #this will no longer be in game #I cringe #I hate it

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arihi · 2 years

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I joke (and half joke) a lot that the past few years have made me a bit more closed off and generally reserved towards people. It’s hard not to lose a bit of good faith and trust in people with the way it’s been in recent years. But I was searching ‘Beguiled’ on my twitter to find the latest tweet on it I wrote and found one from 2019, where I wrote that people could be kind, and people could be good. Maybe I knew I’d be commemorating that for a future version of me that needed to read that!

I still have never forgotten the overwhelming support and encouragement I received from people throughout my rocky times at home, and eventual departure, but the finer details escaped me until I read that tweet again. I remember one con where a friend invited trusted friends to their room in the evening that last day to lend me their emotional support because they knew how scared I was to go back. I remember all the anon messages wishing me well during apartment hunting and during the move. I remember the con less than a week after my move, where people stopped me in the hallways to congratulate me. And occasionally within the past three years, I sometimes hear from people telling me how they watched that journey, and were glad I was here.

How lucky for me, to have had so many people watch and read about the tumultuous period in my life and encourage me to seek better. It’s very humbling and a bit of a reminder people used to look after me in that way. I’ve definitely grown past that point, but the support from that time will always remain. I’m going to be at Beguiled in a few weeks which is exciting! I’m a bit afraid I’m much different from then and not exactly the same bright-eyed person I was before, but I know it’s probably fine. In the words of Waymond, because I am obnoxious and must bring everything back to EEAAO, it’s important to be kind. (And also to remember that other people can be.)

#it me #Ari adventures #sappy sappy nostalgia #every time I think about the fact people knew me three years ago #I cringe #but I think it’s a good sign of growth to never be satisfied with past versions of yourself #thanks for tolerating me!!#no but really thanks for keeping up with my life.

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