#i couldnt find any program that could do the job for me so i had to extract the animations frame by frame and animate them myself
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I managed to extract and animate the dancing animations from the character selection in Tea Party Dash. Hope yall enjoy them (?)
#b.txt#ever after high#eah#apple white#raven queen#madeline hatter#briar beauty#cedar wood#holly o'hair#darling charming#dexter charming#hunter huntsman#tea party dash#gif#most likely wont be posting the idle or walking animations anytime soon#i couldnt find any program that could do the job for me so i had to extract the animations frame by frame and animate them myself#anyways hope yall like it- it took me longer than i thought it would XD#b.sprites
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Changes
its been awhile. a lot has changed for me in these 9 months & we’ve had a couple bitter exchanges in the midst, well, bitter for me at least. seeing your name, your face, your messages only made me sad or made my chest feel like it was about to explode. i have not met anyone yet that gives me the feeling like i’ve felt before, but just with you, but with any other love i’ve had. i started my masters program & it’s all i’ve been able to think about for the past month. i felt the days slipping me by as a i got close to the start date, but now, i’m in it & im scared. i’m scared of the novelty of everything & how overwhelming it will get, bc it will, but somehow, i feel oddly ready for it. & im trying my best & so far, i do love it. it’s coming naturally so far & i hope to continue learning. i’ve already learned so so much in just 2 days with people that 100% want to do it as perfect as possible. it amazes me how much knowledge i accrued at my last job with my last kiddos in just one year. i know so much more than i thought i did & i think that’s why i feel much more confident than i thought i would. i wake up & feel sad bc i have to face another day of training & im mortified of failing. but once i get into my day & i do it, it really is a lot better. i’m immersed in the work & i love how busy i get & every information clicks & the interactions are natural. i thought i would be more anxious, but i’m just nervous about doing it right & wondering “how will i get to that level?” but i have confidence in my mentors, the program & myself. i’m just very scared of change. so i think that is why love is just not in my plans right now & it’s funny how the mind passively strays away from romance when you’re so busy. this is the longest i’ve gone, in my life, without a partner. its been almost 9 months since i’ve had my break up & when it has been time to go w ppl i wanted to try with, i left. after first signs of trouble, i chose to leave before giving any of my energy away. it really sucks that i’m going to school literally down the road from the person who broke my heart & paradoxically, still kind of love. i can see his apartments from the highway, i take the same route i would take to see him, drive by the places we went to together. i try my best not to think about it, but inevitably i’ve thought a lot about him these last couple of days. i’m starting something new without a partner & i’ve never done that before. its new & refreshing & im trying my best to enjoy the new-ness of it all before it becomes routinary. bc sometimes that’s the fun of it all: the new feeling. scary, yes, but also fresh & inviting. but he was not there to wish me well during my milestones last year & i def don’t need him now. it’s just sometimes i can’t help but get a little sad when i think about him because that relationship was a part of my growth & the break was also part too. & sometimes i think “wtf do i still love this person after everything he’s said to me? after everything he’s done, everything we did?” & i have no answer. time, patience & self growth is all i have to say. with time, it really has gotten easier. i remind myself i used to cry everyday to work for 2 months & i found out he followed his ex. i’m patient w myself when i do find myself sad for a few seconds or if ever i do cry. what do i gain from being mean to myself for feeling? its better to let it out. & self growth. i turned 23, i graduated college, applied for graduate school, got in & now i’m joining the best program with the best mentors i could ever have. & im not looking for love in lost places. i’m living for me with support of ppl who love me & im blessed for that. honestly, 2 years ago i couldnt say this, but even though i’m scared, this is the best i’ve ever done in my life. & through trial & error, i will learn. & i will one day think of you & not feel anything, just memories. i’m doing pretty damn good. i would much rather take the small pains of changes, than the pain of staying stagnant. as long as i’m going up, i will persevere. i will do great, i am doing great<3
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A customer came in today to find out if he had insurance on his phone, which he did. So I did my usual routine on explaining how to make the claim and go about fixing the phone or replacing it. He tried to do it in the store, which normally isn’t a problem as long as he’s not holding up the line or anything and then he started smashing his fingers on the screen because it was too cracked to register what he pressed.
He asked me if there was any other way to make the claim and I told him the only way was online because the insurance was a third party company. He started making excuses on why he couldn’t like “i dont have a computer or anything else” or “my phone isnt working look” and then continued to forcefully press on the screen. So he asked to use one of our computers, which I politely said no and explained “We aren’t allowed to let customers use our computers, for security reasons.”
He got pissed and starting calling it bullshit and said “any other manager would let me use a tablet to do it, youre just lazy” and I repeated myself and even said that if someone were to do that then theyd be breaking company policy because thats literally a breach of security since all our tablets and computers are programmed with the system we use to access all customer accounts.
I’m really a “fuck corporate” kind of person and ill break a rule here and there but this guy was being a dick and we have cameras all over the store so I stood my ground and kept denying him.
He got so mad that he asked to speak to the manager and my manager wasnt in so then he asked for his phone number and I told him Im also not allowed to give out personal information like that. Then he asked for my name and since I didn’t do anything wrong I refused and he got pissed and spout all this bullshit about how Im legally obligated to give him my name because hes a paying a customer. Like for one, he didnt buy anything, hes not a paying customer at the store. And two, im definitely not legally obligated to give out my personal information to angry customers because they didnt get what they wanted.
Anyways, he started yelling at me about how im lazy, unprofessional and useless. At this point I was getting irritated so I responded with “Im sorry thats your opinion” I guess that was kinda sassy but i mean?? He was being a piece of shit. Its literally also not in my job description or title to make insurance claims, repair phones, set up phones, or apply screen protectors. So i definitely wasnt refusing him service. I did what he asked, which was to access his account and see if he had insurance on his phone.
He yelled all the way to the door and before fully walking out he turned around and said “and you’re ugly too” I dont care about a random dudes opinion about my looks but I was literally wearing a mask, theres literally no way he could know what i looked like?? I saw his ID too so I KNOW hes got no right talking shit like that.
After clocking out, my coworker called me to say that the customer called the store to tell him that he placed a complaint with corporate and that theyd set a meeting to go more into depth about the incident, which isnt really an incident because the only thing that happened was he threw a tantrum. Whats funny is i dont work for the corporate that he called. I work for a third party company that The Phone Company hired to open Authorized Retail stores. So theres really nothing TT&A can do
I don’t know what exactly corporate needs to write me up or fire me but im 100% sure what he told them was a lie because I acted completely professional and calm. I dont even know if theyd have my back, can I sue them for wrongful termination if they do end up firing me over this guys lies?
Its such bullshit to me that he went as far as to try to get me fired, literally in a pandemic all because of an insurance claim.
Which also!! If his phone worked well enough to call and complain, couldnt he have just, idk, made the fucking claim?!?!
I swear some people have nothing better to do than to yell at 20 something year old min. wage workers.
Get a life, man
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As Far As You Let Me
Gif credit @logan-delos
Requested on wattpad
Hope you all enjoy.
Happy Reading Dollies
Taglist: @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder
Song:Hips don't lie by Shakira
Original character: Maria
Warning: Smut smut and more smut. Daddy kink.
"Earth to Maria". Adam waved his hand in front of your face. Not paying him any attention when Antonio Dawson, Detective Antonio Dawson walked into the squad room. He was wearing a tight white shirt, tight black jeans and a gray hoodie with a red plaid shirt tied around his waist. God, he looked so good. You felt the drool escape down the corner of your mouth to your chin and you hastily wiped it off breaking your day dreaming.
"Maria? Are you with me"? Adam asked with a slight grin.
"Yeah. I'm, I'm just concentrating". You casually covered but glanced up at Antonio and he smiled at you. Wanting to let a squeal but you kept in it.
"You sure? This job isn't getting to you is it? I know how hard it is to concentrate on things when you have a hot body in front of you". Adam whispered and slammed his hand on the desk to break your day dreaming once again as you caught Antonio in your line of vision. You jumped and playfully hit him in the arm.
"You need to leave and get out of my personal space". You laughed pushing him away.
"You wouldn't mind Antonio in your personal space would you? No I didn't think so. So why dont you just march your butt over there and talk to him? Here take these and give them to him. You can explain your mumbo jumbo to him cause I'm not getting it". Adam handed you the case files you had done for the unit.
"Adam, leave me alone". You softly yelled at him.
"No, not until you take these over there".
"You are so lazy". You growled as you took a deep breath and walked over to where Antonio was. He was sitting on his desk talking to Jay.
"Hey, sorry to interrupt but Adam wanted me to give these to you". You said quickly and handed the files to Antonio.
"Thanks. Um what are you doing tonight"? Antonio asked as you watched his mouth. Oh his lovely mouth. The things it could do. You bit your lip as you stared at him.
"Maria? Maria"? Antonio snapped his fingers to get your attention. But all you could think was about his fingers. Going in and out of your wet juicy pussy. Sticking them in your mouth so you could taste yourself as he sucked on your hard nipple.
"Maria"? This time is wasn't Antonio it was Adam once again. He threw a paper air plane at you and hit you in the nose.
"You're a child Adam". You rolled your eyes as you held your nose.
"Let me look". Antonio offered. His hands were so warm, gentle and soft. You melted under his touch.
"You'll be fine. So what about tonight? You free".?
"Yeah".
"Good. We're all going to Molly's. So I'll see you there". He smiled and walked into Voights office.
You turned on your heels and balled up the paper airplane in your hand. "Run". You mouthed with a sneered at Adam. Adam took off like his ass was on fire. You hot on his tail, he was going to regret interrupting your day dreaming.
After a few minutes Adam came back to the squad room limping and holding his nose.
"Yo, Adam. What happened"? Kevin busted out laughing, he already knew what happened.
"I have paper cuts in my nose".Adam groaned as he sat at his desk. You came back in with a satisfied smile plastered on your face.
"What did you do"? Kevin tilted his head back in his chair and asked.
"Adam learned that if you miss use paper you're going to get cut". You say typing on your computer.
"She shoved the airplane up my nose". Adam scoffed.
Kevin busted out laughing. "I knew that. Just wanted you to say it. Oh that's funny". Kevin held his chest as he wheezed from laughter.
"Laugh it up". Adam was made but it was funny. He knew not to mess with you. Especially about Antonio. That was a no no subject at work.
The day went on without further incident from Adam or anyone and soon the shift was over. You headed home and got ready.
That night it was hot. Like scolding hot. So you decided to wear your cut off Jean shorts and a tank top with a pair of converses. You put your hair up in a ponytail and did your makeup real nice. This was a side that no one really saw at work. Work and your personal life were two different things and you wanted to keep it that way. That's why you haven't jumped on Antonio.
Walking into Molly's, someone had requested Hips Don't Lie by Shakira and you giggled. You always loved that song but it wasn't a song you would play in Molly's.
You saw Antonio talking with his sister Gabby and Herrmann. They were laughing and joking around. You headed your way over to the bar but right in front of Antonio's table. Your hips swayed to the music.
Antonio caught sight of something he wasn't familiar with you. He licked his lips, his mouth started watering.
His eyes wondered up from your feet to your tight blue jeans shorts, staringat your ass. To be fair they were a little to short and to tight. Ones you didnt wear panties with. Antonio liked this side of you more than the nervous little girl at work.
(Oh, baby, when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise (sí) and keep on (sí)
Reading the signs of my body (uno, dos, tres, cuatro)
I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie (no fighting)
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?
Hey, girl, I can see your body moving
And it's driving me crazy
And I didn't have the slightest idea
Until I saw you dancing (yeah)
And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl (just move)
And everything so unexpected, the way you right and left it
So you can keep on shaking it (let's go)
"
Maria"? A smirk formed on your lips as you heard Antonio call you from his table. The song was changing to something softer so you grabbed your drink and headed over.
"Glad you could make it". Antonio re-adjusted his pants as they became tighter than usual. From the front side Antonio couldnt handle it. You were wearing a white tank top and you have a black bra that made your breast pop like they were perfect in that bra. Antonio was loving it himself.
"Thanks for inviting me". You stood at the table. Antonio patted the seat beside him and you took the seat.
"How long have you worked for Voight"? Gabby asked making small talk. She was going to excuse herself from all the built up sexual tension that was exploring from the two of you but Antonio kicked her leg under the table.
"Just a few years. My mom knew him from long ago and he always said that if I ever needed a job there would be one waiting for me. So I went to school for programming but it lead to me hacking into the school and people's computers for fun until I was kicked out so now I work for Hank doing computer stuff for the unit".
"She's a genius when it comes to that computer stuff". Antonio complemented you making you blush. Gabby must have seen it. She mouthed to Antonio that she liked you.
"Can we get you another drink"? Gabby asked.
"No let me". You say getting into your bag and saw your wallet was still in your locker at the station.
"Shit".
"What's wrong"? Antonio looked at your bag and then to you.
"I left my wallet in my locker. I better go get it. I just drove here without my license". You tell him and got up from your seat
"Thanks for the drink". You smiled, but was kicking yourself for forgetting your wallet. This could have been the night he made a move or you did. This sucks.
"You want me to come with you"? Antonio offered.
"You don't have to. I can walk. I dont want to drive so I'll walk". You went to head out but Antonio grabbed your hand.
"I'm not letting you walk..alone". He chuckled.
"You sure"?
"Yeah, let's go. See you sis". Gabby waved goodbye, you and Antonio left the bar holding hands as you walked down the street.
"I feel so stupid". You shook your head.
"You forgot your wallet. It happens to everyone". Antonio squeezed your hand. Your arms swinging together in between your bodies.
"I drove without my license. I broke the law. I could have been in so much trouble if I was stopped".
"Nah, you'll be alright. They would have called me and I would've came and got you".
"Thanks. I appreciate it". You sighed happily. The walk seemed like it was cut short when the station steps came in your view.
You let go of Antonio's hand and opened the door for him. He went in and you followed.
"I'll meet you up there". Antonio said as he started talking to the night desk officer. You nodded and signed in heading up the stairs. You jogged to the locker room and unlocked your locker. Finding your wallet right where you placed it when you gave Jay money for your lunch that afternoon.
Putting it in your bag you were about to walk back down the stairs when you heard a noise come from Voights office. His light was on and the door was cracked. You figured he was there but there was no shadow where he would be sitting and he always kept his door locked even when he was in there.
So you went to check it out, pushing the door open just enough for you to get in you stepped in and saw no one was there. The door slammed behind you and you jumped almost out of your skin.
"Gotcha". Antonio jumped from behind the door where he was crouched down.
"Jerk". You playfully punched him in the arm. He dramatically cried in pain holding his arm.
"You hurt me. Oh you hurt me". He cried out.
You rolled your eyes and kissed his arm. "There happy"?
"You missed a spot".
You went to kiss his arm again but he grabbed your face in his hand and planted a big juicy and deep kiss to your lips.
Antonio pulled back. Your lips still puckered. Antonio giggled.
"Why did you stop"? You asked bashfully.
"I wanted to make sure that was okay"?
"That was more than okay". You grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him to your lips. Devouring him.
Antonio pushed you up against Voights desk and putting you on top of it. Your legs wrapped around him.
He kissed your lips and traveled down to your neck. Leaving purple marks to be seen tomorrow. They were going to be a bitch to cover up.
Your hands went to his shirt hem and tugged it up.his body. Throwing it somewhere in the room. Your fingernails raked down his back, your teeth nipped at his shoulder.
Antonio squeezed your breast in his hand. "Just the right amount like they were made just for me". He groaned against your skin. This man had perfect hands so your breast did fit him.
"Fuck, daddy". Your eyes grew wide as Antonio stepped back with a shocking chuckle.
"Daddy? That's what this innocent Maria like"?
"Oh you haven't seen anything yet, papi". You pulled him by his belt and brought him back to you.
Your hand snaked down his pants, he was already hard and he was so massive. Bigger than you day dreamed about. Your mouth watered as you stroked him.
He pulled your tank top over your head and unclamped your bra throwing them behind him. His mouth went to your hardened nipple. Swirling and pulling at it between his teeth. Making you whimper.
"Papi, please". You couldnt take the teasing. You had to have him inside of you.
Removing your hand from his pants, he helped you out of yours. Leaving you in nothing but your converses. He pushed you down on the desk. Your feet on the desk and your legs apart.
"Fuck you look so sweet, little girl". Antonio knelt down between your legs, he unfastened his pants and pulled out his cock and pumped it. He ran his tongue over your sensitive clit. You were already so wet that you couldnt stand it.
He licked you up and down your slit. Gathering your juices over his tongue. "You taste like pure heaven". He mumbled against your clit, sending vibrations through your body.
"Mmmmmm". You moaned, biting your bottom lip.
He took one hand and held on to your thigh the other brushed over your mound. Antonio eased his middle finger in your wet tight little hole. Making you wiggle.
You could hear his breathing quicken as he added another. He pumped in and out of you. A squishy sound filled the room and he upped his pace. His middle and ring finger pounding in your as the thumb from his other hand rubbed your clit.
You were a mumbling moaning mess under his touch. Antonio couldnt stand it anymore. He stood up and rammed into you with ease. The sensation was magnificent. The way he stretched you in places you didn't know you had. He touched places with his cock you didnt know a cock could touch. The guys before him were nothing compared to him. He was everything and more. Much more.
"Fuck, you're so tight. Fits me snugger than a glove". He pounded into you. You held onto the edge of the desk. Your body arched off the desk giving Antonio a better angel. He grabbed your hips and drilled into you. Your breast bouncing roughly.
"Fuck me daddy. Fuck me". You squealed as the tip of his cock brushed against your g-spot.
"That's it baby girl. Scream for daddy". Antonio grunted. His pace quickened. One hand left your hip to go up to your breast and play with your nipple.
"You going to come all over daddy's dick? Like a good girl"? He smirked as your face got real red.
"Yes, daddy. Please can I cum". You tried to keep it in but he was just to much for you to handle.
"Cum on my cock". You clenched around him squeezing him tight. Your breath hitched and you came seeing stars. You felt lightheaded but that didnt stop you from feeling all the pleasure he was giving you.
"Good girl". Antonio praised you.
"Cum on me daddy". Antonio nodded and thrusted deep inside a few more times then pulled out and came on your pussy shooting his large load all over you. You rubbed your clit with his cum. He grunted and growled as he jerked his cock.
"Fucking hell". He growled sucking your breast into his mouth like a vacuum cleaner.
Antonio pushed back inside you, you whimpered as you were sensitive. But he felt so good. He laid on you and sucker your breast. He grew soft in you and you couldn't have felt more comfortable and happiness being with Antonio. God, you were falling in love with this man. He was so perfect.
You stayed like that for awhile but decided to head back to his place and spend the rest of the night cuddling and fucking the night away. Just how your day dreaming played out. But this was better.
#happys-crazy-queen22#antonio dawson x reader#antonio dawson smut#antonio dawson chicago pd#chicago pd antonio dawson#antonio dawson#antonio dawson imagine#antonio dawson fanfiction#chicago pd fic#chicago pd fanfiction#chicago pd smut#chicago pd drabble
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Backstory
This is a post inspired by a response I got on my form: “Is there a particular reason that Dr. Hagges is so stiff with Amai?” Which, valid question, but not exactly easy to translate to a story format. After talking to a friend, I have decided to make a master post thingy for the backstories of the researchers. Basically what I have in my head and notes, but not everything cause that would be so long. Also I am bad at science, so they have degrees and I know some stuff but not everything. Arranged from first mention to last. Im going to rb on the ask blog.
BTW This is all for the pigeon and crow story and applies to both universe a&b
Edit: feel free to ask about any of this to either me or the peeps.
All under the cut.
Dr. Baker:
Grew up moving around a lot for his mother’s job, so never really got attached to one place. He has a hard time attaching to people and then showing that he cares about them. He did cross country in high school and only knows how to make basic things like scrambled eggs and spaghetti because his parents weren’t around to teach him how to cook. In college, he pursued his interest in textiles, specifically the chemistry portion, with an eye towards organic chemistry. He eventually shifted his focus and ended up getting his doctorate in Biochemistry. Doesnt really talk to his parents much as they moved while he was in college and neither side of the relationship have put much effort into reaching out. Has a sister who is somewhere he doesnt know.
Dr. Kates:
Grew up in Texas. His mother had met his father while visiting the US from Japan and they fell so very helplessly in love. This gave him a bit of a cultural mix growing up. In high school he was the reigning champion of the chess team and has yet to find an he couldnt beat in a best 3 out of 5. In college he was interested in psychology and philosophy. He eventually got a dictate in psychology, a BA in philosophy and a minor in anthropology. His life motto is to work hard, but don’t stress. Is the chillest. He met his wife while at school and they have three kids. Has an older brother and a younger brother.
Dr. Smith: Grew up on the southern border of virginia. Her father died at a young age, and she lived with her mother and paternal grandmother and grandfather. She learned to hunt at a early age with her grandfather and went with him every deer season. She still goes out and hunts every year in his and her fathers memory. He also taught her how to skin and cook the animals they killed, warning against any waste. In high school she participated in the theater program and hung out with the color guard, as her older brother was on it. When she went to college she pursued her interests in toxicology and history, getting a doctorate in Toxicology and a minor in history. She’s around 6 foot 5 and jokes that she grew so tall to avoid being scared, as she was uncomfortable with tall strangers as a kid. Has hemochromatosis and has to do semi-regular blood draws to keep it from becoming a problem. Only has an older brother.
Dr. Hagges: Grew up in a strict household in the midwest. Any broken rules would lead to severe punishments. He firmly believes in the safety of following rules. This followed him into high school, where he kept his head down and was careful to follow every rule to the letter. Had a really kind AP Chemistry teacher who helped him get into college and find ways to finance himself without his parents. Chemistry drew in Hagges because the rules of labs were clear and easily followed. Not following them could lead to explosions or poison gas. He pursued chemistry into college, eventually getting a Doctorate in it. He also got into music, enjoying the structure of certain styles and the methodology of playing. has an older sister but they avoid each other. His motto: The rules are safety.
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Haven't been on tumblr in a long time. Felt like this was a decent place to write since nobody I know really uses tumblr anymore. I wanted to talk about my journey over the last few years and tumblr feels private enough a place to do so.
I moved to Florida 3 years ago (well as of this upcoming March) and at first life was decent. I tried to acclimate myself, stay healthy, positive, supportive, etc. At some point during that first year, I became incredibly depressed, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed trying to support myself (I did have a good friend group to help me) but down the line I had convinced myself I had a plan and that it was 'my plan, I thought of it' so instead of talking to the people I cared about and loved, I continued to try to do things in my own way.
A belief is a thought you have that you like. My belief was that I was the only one who could tell me what to do. And I never told myself to shut up and listen to people; realize they're saying what they're saying because they care. I became toxically selfish. I started judging my friends and peers opinions, being an asshole, being inconsiderate to everyone around me, unwilling to talk about my issues (and if I did I sounded like a narcissistic twat), etc.
To make a long story short, I resulted to drinking to cope with my overwhelmed thoughts and feelings. This isnt an excuse. It's just what happened. It in no way makes my behavior acceptable. In fact, anyone who knows me and how I act when drinking changes my thinking patterns would attest that it's only ever made anything worse. Even days or weeks without doing so, it affects me on such a negative level that negativity is the only lense through which I view the world and its inhabitants. I become the definition of nihilistic.
This led me to losing my friends, my loved ones, my job, housing, and ultimately respect from others and respect for myself. It was devastating and I did it to myself. After July of 2019 I started to refrain from drinking and honestly believed I had become the best version of myself. I got a new apartment, job, new friends who have still supported me to this day, albeit, upon making these leisurely friends who wanted to be wild, I felt I should--I wanted to participate. It was fun for a minute, and I was sober for about a month or two..
I'd begun to drink with them every now and then, never alone or at home, never two days in a row. I thought I could be a casual drinker. However, these friends and I stopped drinking for the most part, and begun to do a lot of acid (one thing I wouldn't say is neccesarily bad or addictive, in moderation) and a LOT of xanax. I started to learn a whole new meaning of 'fucked up' and went downhill faster than Jack and Jill could even imagine, baby!
By December, a friend and I decided we'd start doing cocaine. Fuck it, right? That got bad quick. It only lasted about 2 months on and off until we realized how crazy it was and that we needed to actually save our money (and sanity) so we stopped. By this point (March/April of 2020) I'd stopped doing everything other than weed. That inevitably led me straight back to drinking. This time it was everyday again, alone, at home, you get the point. When coronavirus hit I lost my job, couldn't find another anywhere therefore couldnt afford rent, was constantly in scary situations for 2 months (drunk), and decided it was best to GTFO and high tail it back to Ohio by May of 2020.
This took me months to realize, but I had so subtly slipped back into mass depression. Being back in Ohio, around triggers and friends who'd grown apart from me, I felt helpless and alone. I began drinking all the time. When I'd wake up, all throughout my shifts at work, at 2 am once the beers I'd had after work were buzzing off.. I was having the worst thoughts and feelings possible that I won't elaborate on because, again, I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or even manipulating the perception of whoever might read this. I did this to myself. My behavior was absolutley unacceptable. I'd been put on probation for drinking, I'd been arrested for it even once in my own bed sound asleep (lets not go into how corrupt the law enforcement is in Mansfield, OH). The point is I'd broken the law and, regardless of the circumstances, the law is the law and it comes with consequences.
By October of 2020 I'd agreed that the best case of action was to go to a treatment center for addiction. The center was more or less a joke at first until a counselor committed to actually helping us started working there in mid-November. All in all being sober long enough to get back to a focused, rational, kind state of mind has put me in a euphoric state of content more so than any materialistic or temporary feeling that a substance or whatever else could bring me. Real peace is better than fake, self-driven delusion. I got released from the center today (1/13/21).
What I'm trying to get across is that if it wasnt for those who care for me after all the shit I've put them through, if I hadn't accepted I had a problem and my plan wasnt working, I'd still be that other guy. If you give up your ideals and listen to a 'Higher Power', (a 'God', a group of people as in power in numbers, a spiritual intuition that things happen for a reason and you agree you alone can't solve issues the same way you've tried 1000 times over and failed) whatever your view on that is, if you are willing to change and accept support you will be able to find genuine serenity.
That other guy is still in there. I have to continue working my program daily and catch myself if I slip up, be prepared to tell others, make amends (unless that would make things worse) and by all means listen to their advice in order to turn 4 months of sobriety (even from weed, but this is mostly about drinking) into 4 years, and so on. If you read all this (well first off, thank you, like.. golly!) and you are someone who knows me, then I'm sure that's hard to believe because everyone who knows me has heard me say before that 'I am quitting alcohol!' when in all honestly all those same people probably knew damn well I was just trying to convince them rather than myself and even if I did want to stop, I still had a desire to do it. That's where I can finally cut ties and announce that I, personally to myself, no longer have the desire for alcohol. Today. Right now. One day at a time. I despise it. It took my ambitions and spat them in my face along with my kindness, positivity, all my goals and loved ones like they all meant nothing and I am sick and tired of enabling that feeling. The world we live in is full addiction. Eating, technology, fame, money, power, caffeine, nicotone, sugar, sex, drugs, rock and roll--you get it okay? None of those will bring anything of substantial value or genuine joy. Being selfish will bring nothing but suffering. Be kind and loving. Love is salvation.
Once more, if you read all this, you're a saint and I thank you and hope your life, if not already, becomes (and continues to be) positive, peaceful and great. Love yourself, the best and worst. Face fear head on and never give up. Always lend a hand to those who clearly need it and if they turn it away like I did so many times, all you can do is hope and pray they'll get to the point of acceptance someday. I am so grateful for the oppurtunity I had to turn my life around. I am thankful for every single person who's come and gone and the help they offered before and after I actually admitted it was neccessary. I'll try and be of service to others when and where I can. Stay safe, world.
-cone
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snow crash - neal stephenson
my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)
final thoughts:
okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.
the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.
one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.
however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.
the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.
y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,
i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)
please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.
i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!
honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.
the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.
and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.
i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)
ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.
howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.
the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.
#bookblr#book tag#snow crash#neal stephenson#reading progress update#book review#cyberpunk#post-cyberpunk#god this is long#kind of ended up being book report esque... elementary school vibes. i fucking love it ngl#original post#playlist series
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First Sight: A Sole Ender Fic
Summary: Ryan tried hard to ensure he was never seen without a mask. And if that failed he always kept an extra eye patch on him. The recent stint with the FAHC had turned onto a permanent partnership and Ryan knew he would have to either tell the crew about his "condition" or they would find it themselves. Sadly it seemed that the latter would be the case as a stray bullet decided.
It was a simple job really. Go in, kill a man, steal some data for Gavin, then leave. They had planned and over planned to hell and back. It was an easy job.
But when was anything ever easy or going to plan with the FAHC? They lived and thrived on chaos and uncertainty. It was part of the reason Ryan even accepted the offer to join permanently.
As the Vagabond working alone, he made his own fun. But it always felt hollow, being alone felt hollow. Though it was all Ryan had known for a long long time. The experiments never left room for socializing not when it was only Ryan in a room with a bunch of Pricks.
Still it was nicer to hear others groan at bad puns or laugh at cheesy one liners while storming a bank or glaring down an enemy. It was, nice. Odd, and a learning process for sure but damn if it wasnt nice to have something like a family. Which was why he was extra careful.
Ryan knew that the experiments he survived left their mark. Black and purple veins or skin patches were easy enough to hide with make up. Avoiding water was disguised as a quirk, though for bathing Ryan made absolutely certain to run the shower while he wiped himself down with wet wipes. Not ideal but it got him clean enough. As for teleporting and staring well... he made sure if he did teleport no one saw, and the crew thought he was leaving his sparkles around to annoy Gavin. He was able to pass off his hatred and anger towards staring and eye contact as personal and the crew respected that.
But he could not hide the eye. His left eye had morphed into something else decades ago, right at the beginning of the experiments. His right eye was blue and looked perfectly normal. His left... it had no whites, just black ink and a large nearly matching purple pupil. It moved on it's own sometimes, something Ryan never fully figured out how to stop. And it watched everything. It showed the weakest points in objects, where Ryan could just pluck a cube from whatever it was. It showed veins and important artery locations in a potential victim. It was a culmination of everything the fucks back at the Program had wanted.
But Ryan hated it. Seeing the samn thing not only hurt, but infuriated him. Even decades later it made him feel weak and helpless. And worst of all, it was like a brand. Impossible to hide without heavy cloth or armor, its eerie black glow seeping through everything else. Ryan was only just starting to settle with the FAHC he was actually starting to enjoy himself. Like hell he was going to let something as stupid as an eye fuck that up!
But he knew, eventually he would have to tell the crew. It was either that or they would find out... It had been a simple fucking job and of course that would be where it all unraveled.
"Turn left! Left you Dolts!" Gavin's voice cracked over comms as Jeremy and Ryan sprinted through the corridors of the former safe house. A trail of bloody foot prints spread out behind them as they sprinted down and through the halls. The lights flashed red and an alarm blared loudly.
They hung a left, Jeremy skidding a little as he went.
"How the Fuck did we miss that camera? I thought the system was down!" Jeremy growled as the two rounded another corner. Ryan had pulled out a shotgun and held it close and ready as they raced for the exit.
"Bastards probably had a separate system. But that would mean they expected company." Ryan offered lowly so that the comms heard him but not those around him.
"Shit! Take cover!" Gavin shouted over comms as the battle Buddies finally reached the exit.
Jeremy dove down and Ryan jumped back into an open door as several shots fired past them. Jeremy crawled into the closet with Ryan, cocking a pistol.
"Fuck, how many Gav?" Jeremy asked.
Ryan popped his head out to return fire and popped back in as the sounds of bullet tearing flesh ripped through the blaring alarms as blood oozed out over the floor.
"I caught sight of 3 total. One is down so 2 left." Ryan supplied as Jeremy nodded and ducked out to shoot.
Ryan silently cursed, he could teleport, but he never teleported with someone, itd likely kill Jeremy if he did. But perhaps he could get behind the enemies...
There was a loud crash from the opposite end of the hall and a curse from Gavin.
"Hurry up! They have back up coming!" Well fuck. Ryan pulled a bewildered Jeremy into the Closet and shit off his comm.
"Stay here and please dont ask any questions." Ryan practically begged. Jeremy nodded quickly and gasped when, with a Vwoop! Ryan vanished leaving a small shower of sparkles.
Ryan appeared behind the first man, knife out and swinging. The blade dug into the back of his neck as a groan caught the other man's attention. As Ryan pulled the knife out he teleported again, letting the first fall limp and struck out at the other's neck as he pulled out of his teleport. A quickl slash and the throat was cut and the man fell.
Ryan only had time to barely catch his. Breath as sharp pain ripped through his left eye and the world went white for a moment. When the world partially swam into focus Jeremy had Ryan slung over his shoulder and was making a beeline out the exit. Tyan couldnt quite hear what he was saying and didnt get the chance to figure it out as he drifted into painful unconsciousness.
Jeremy had to say that he figured the Vagabond was weird. Tucker wore a mask for everything and the few times the media even got a glimpse of them without it they had a fucking eye patch and face paint! But then he joined the crew and it became apparent that the Vagabond was like the rest of the crew, weird, pissed, and chaotic as fuck. So sure, Jeremy expect quirks from Ryan.
Then the Motherfucker went and teleported in front of him! Jeremy still wasnt sure if that was what actually happened or if it was the adrenaline playing tricks on his eyes. Then a bullet struck Ryan in the eye and Jeremy didnt have time to think.
He ran out and grabbed his teleporting Battle Buddy and sprinted for the getaway vehicle. Jack was waiting outside and sped off the moment both boys were in the car.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Gav fo we have anything back at base for Bullets in eyes?" Jeremy asked desperately over comms. Gavin scrambled on the other side muttering this and that.
"Well get the fucking bullet out first before we get there we might actually be able to do something then!" Jack called from the front as they sped out onto the highway.
"Fuck! You're serving all over the place you think I'm going to be able to dig a bullet out like this?" Jeremy snapped.
"Just fucking try!" Jack shouted, as they swerved around an eighteen wheeler.
Jeremy cursed and began to remove Ryan's mask and then his eye patch
"Sorry buddy." Jeremy whispered as he lifted the patch and frozen. "Oh what the shit?!"
"What? If he is missing an eye dont gawk!" Jack scolded.
"He's not missing an eye but its janky as dicks! Its black and purple and shit." Jeremy shouted as he tried to figure out how the hell he was going to dig a bullet out of his friend's ... uh... eye.
"Thay sounds unhealthy." Jack deadpanned as the car pulled into the headquater's garage. Once stopped jack came around to the back. "Alright move the fuck over you useless-Holy fuck you weren't kidding!"
"Yeah! No shit!"
"Whatever move! I'm getting that bullet out." Jack said, Shoving Jeremy out the otherside of the car. Jeremy yelped as he hit the concrete and popped back up, his eyes catching a patch of black skin peeking through smudged make up.
"Got it!" Jeremy tore his eyes back to Jack who was holding up a bullet covered in a thick black liquid with swirls of red dripping within.
"Great, now help me get this fuck inside." Geoff said jogging up to Jack from behind Jeremy. Jeremy was still frozen as the two Gents carried Ryan up to his room. Gavin and Michael approaches Jeremy.
"The fuck has you spooked?" Michael asked. "He's a tough fucker. Ryan'll be fine."
"Dude did you see his fucking blood? Its black! His eye is purple and moving on it's own! He fucking teleported!" Jeremy exclaimed. "Either that all just happened or I'm fucking high as balls. Neither outcome is good."
Gavin shrugged. "Well, do drugs we all see that."
Gavin pointed to the car where a small pool of black and red flecked blood glistened in the lights. The three lads stared at the pool in silence until michael spoke.
"Well son of a bitch."
Ryan came to in a bed. His own at the penthouse. He blinked a few times feeling the sting of a healing wound in his left eye as he did so. Having super human healing paid off more than it didnt.
Ryan sat up hand raising up to his face, expecting a mask or eye patch... only to meet fresh bandages.
Panic hit Ryan like a truck.
"Shit." Ryan cursed loudly as he went to stand only to flop over the side of the bed. "Fucking healing fatigue. Fucking legs, fuck!"
"Well good to see you're awake." Geoff's smooth drawl was cracked with stress and exhaustion.
The man was slouched against the door frame a cup of tea in hand. His hair was a mess and his eyes had bags that looked like they were dripping down his face
Ryan turned his face from Geoff's feet down to the floor on which his gave rested. A grumble was released into the floorboards then Ryan slowly picked himself back up onto the bed, his left eye still covered. Geoff shot him a knowing look as he stepped in and closed the door.
"Gavin and the lads are with Jack in the Kitchen looking for an update on you. Figured I'd be the first to talk to you." Ryan huffed as Geoff spoke with more authority than Ryan liked. It sounded too familiar.
Like a Scientist trying to get answers.
"Alright no need to growl asshole Jesus fuck." Geoff held up his hands in mock surrender and Ryan felt his shoulders relaxing a little.
"I'm not going to hurt you." Ryan hissed. "But I'm not some specimen to interogate."
"Well that answers that." Geoff said and Ryan tensed again. "Fuck right look I'm pretty sure a glowing black and purple eye ball ain't natural and yes we saw it you had a bullet in your eye and we didnt know it would heal on it's own. Dont care about that if you want it to stay covered it can stay covered. I'm more curious about Jeremy saying you fucking teleport."
"I can only teleport myself. Itd kill anyone else." Ryan said sheepishly as a sigh of relief escaped his lungs. "I can also take cubes of shit out of anything."
"People to?" Geoff asked, Ryan nodded. "Holy fuck what the hell kind of experiment were you a part of?"
Ryan shook his head and Geoff nodded.
"Right later if ever. Moving on, you alright?"
"Just tired. Healing takes a lot of energy." Ryan explained and Geoff nodded.
"Need water or anything?" Geoff offered and Ryan shook his head again.
"Burns. I'll just go out myself..."
"You sure? I'm sure the guys all have a million fucking questions." Geoff said as Ryan slowly rose up.
"Better now than later." Gwoff laughed.
"Fucking true. Though I have one more question." Ryan sighed.
"Shoot."
"Those sparkles Gavin's been collecting, do you make those?" Ryan laughed.
"When I teleport, Yeah. Dont know how or from where. But I do know Gavin has been using them on his nail polish and and eye shadow." Geoff busted out laughing as the two walked out into the penthouse living room. The lads shot up with Jeremy racing up to Ryan with Gavin close behind. A million questions poured out. But it was good.
#fahc#Sole Ender AU#fic#Ender!Vagabond#Its rough but Im on Mobile#the moment I get home im adding the read more and spell checking
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Silent treatment
Me and Harry hadnt been in the best space, we were constantly having tiny argumets the past couple weeks, i brushed it of as the rough part of the relationship that most couples go through at one point and ours must be now. We had moved in with one another about 4 months ago and it had be amazing in the start, cuddles at night, kisses when he left for the studio, taking turns on cooking dinner and breakfast for one another... But now that doesnt really happen, hes to tired when he comes home and just gets up and leaves in the mornings without saying goodbye or leaving a note. I feel bad for being angry at him cause he is working hard for the both of us, i offered to pay rent but he reffused and said he had it all handled but recently i applied for a job as an assinstant to put some money towards us and our future. I was yet to tell Harry for two reasons:
1. I was scared for his reaction and what he might feel about it, 2. I hardly got a chance to talk to him anymore because he was either at the studio or too tired, to what I understood.
I sat on the couch flicking throuh the programs on the tv trying to find something to watch and settled on watching the re-runs of game of thrones to pass the time. Dinner was already cooked, i had eaten mine but Harry's sat in the micowave waiting for him but most of the times they were not eaten but I always cooked for him just because of the spin of chance that he might eat it one time. A cover laid over me as I snuggled into the pillow next to me, wishing that it was Harry. The clock read 10:37 pm and there was still no Harry and even though I would normally be asleep by now but my eyes wouldnt stay close as i watched the tv. The turning of the keys in door broke my concertration from the tv and went towards the door and in came Harry, he took off his coat and hung it on the hanger before sitting on the bench to pull of his shoes then placing them on the rack. He looked towards me and his eyes widended with surprise. "Why are you still up?" I shrugged and looked back towards the tv, "Y/N?" he huffed as he didnt get an answer and walked towards the kitchen and i heard the fridge door open. This made me get up from my spot and walk towards the micowave and opneded it before sliding his pate towards him, still not saying anything and went back to the sofa.
It wasnt long until he came back to where I was watching tv and stood in front of it blocking my view, "whats wrong?" No response. "Y/N L/N?" nope. He went for the remote that sat on the coffe table and turned off the tv and looked back towards me, i couldnt give him a reaction, i had to show him how he made me feel when i tried talking to him and not no response. "Ok then, Im going to bed. Ill wait for you up there and for you to stop being like this and come talk to me," he spat out and marged up the stiars. His footsteps went towards the bedrrom and to my surpruse he didnt close the door, just left it open.
I should at least try and go to sleep, I laid down and pulled the blanket under my chin and faced away from the tv so I wasn't tempted to watch the tv anymore to distract me. The shower up stairs started running, so I hugged tempted to climb into our comfy bed, instead of the sofa what was cold. My eyes fell shut after awhile but I still couldn't fall asleep, the shower had been turned of awhile ago and the silent was wired. I was used to hearing the tv in the background, feeling Harry's arms wrapped around my waist and his soft breathing as he slept. It was hard to sleep without them things even though I hadn't had them things the past couple weeks, it all slowly stopped.
The echoing of footsteps got closer but I kept my back to it, not giving them any attention. I didn't want to give in... "Y/N..?" Keep quiet. I felt his warm hands left up my feet and he sat in the space my feet were before placing them over his lap. "I'm sorry love, I know you're mad at me, it's clear. I've realised why you probably don't want to talk to me because I haven't talked to you lately properly, I've been very distant to you love and you don't deserve that. You're an amazing person to be with and someone to love, I don't deserve you at all," it went silent and sniffling filled the silence.
"Im so sorry," he once again lifted up my feet and stood up. I felt his arm go under my side and the other under my head and felt him lift me up and I had to pretend to be asleep then. He started making his way up the stairs, making sure I didn't hit my head on anything. He pushed the door open with his foot and soon felt our comfy bed under me and the cover over me. His hand was on my cheek and I felt his lips on my forehead. "I love you babe," damn it I couldn't do this anymore. I lifted my arms and wrapped them round his neck and pulled him into me.
"I love you too Harry," I soon started crying. "But things have to change,"
"I know and they will, no matter what," he placed his head in the crock of my neck. "I've missed you,"
"I've missed you too," and for the first time in while I felt his arms go around me and could get a full night sleep.
Send recommendations for what I should write next
#harry styles imagines#harry styles#imagines#one direction imagines#one direction#short story#request#love#relationship#harry#harrold
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KR Zero One Ep34: Finally Horobi is doing... something... and Fuwa keeps being the protagonist! Now just when i see that Izu is having a personality... they make her quite rude and i can’t blame her because her only human reference is Aruto... and Aruto is not so human empatic. The good point of the episode was... Horobi, finally they are trying to develop him a little and 34 eps in this was the minimum they should do. Now i wonder what direction this will take? So... for not annoy anyone with my critic about this show:
You know... an A.I that have been programmed for farming... its logical that their dream will be... farming! Couldnt be more interesting to have a case of an humangear that dont want to do his job? Like that i could feel more real that singularity that this show talk about. If they are telling us that they are equal to humans... why not make them more human like? Like this they still feels like... “tools”.
The butt in the background takes away all the seriousness of this conversation! X,D
Instead of writting proper convesations between characters... Zero One give us... nothing. I mean instead of Yua talking about what she think about this “justice” that Jin talk about... they switch to papa Horobi going happily to work...
And so easily... Yua accepts to help. The show does not delve into the thoughts and feelings of the characters and that's why I find it hard to love this 01 characters. Still i love Jin and Horobi... but it’s mainly for looks?! (excuse me for being so superficial TTATT but Sunagawa and Dai chan being so handsome is a fact, they are a good eyecandy for me TT///TT).
This is from the OP sequence... couldn't they add Fuwa there? Or the others humangears... like a family or something? Here i feel like Aruto and Izu are a lone married couple.
Couldnt the show use more these two?! They hardly get a scene from chapter to chapter. Or at least show that they are still in contact with Aruto or something or that they miss Shesta or need her.
Hiden was... like that too... in fact i was expecting watching in Hiden how humangears and humans worked there like a family together... but... i didnt see any of that. (yeah i was expecting that Hiden had actually humans working in the company... silly of me).
So... Horobi stole some humangears in his way to the farm. X,D
Every time the villain say something... Aruto remain in silence... instead of counter him with words and talking about his ideals. Counter him Aruto, tell him why humanity dont deserv instintion. Tell him why humanity is good. Oh... yes i forgot... Aruto just talk about humangear being good.
Ikazuchi was a really wasted character... now that he will return i hope they will at least use him.
(fangirl screaming in the distance)
Well for once Aruto tried to save a human... yey?!
Where was Fuwa?! In the bathroom right?! X,D
I think this was quite rude... Izu was like reclaiming to Fuwa about the kidnapped humangear than being really worried about him. I really cant like her if she is only nice to Aruto.
Fuwa baby... that cruel Izu and Aruto dont care about you!! TTATT (yes im being dramatic) XD
You know... Fuwa trying to be nice and talk with Yua... and she...
... changed topic... you call this interaction?! Really?! It dont feel natural!!
Could Fuwa past be relevant?! Because Yua is interested!
Ok finally a funny scene. Could have been more fun if we watched how Yua drag Fuwa.
He will sell the Raid Raisers to the USA for war?! That’s your objective Gai?! That’s your dream?! XD
This was more funny than the first one! X,D And... you know why...
Because Jin was there! XD Having a tertiary react to the action enhance the funny element of it!
Finally someone that worries about Fuwa!! Thanks Jin... you are precious... not like some MC.
So... Aruto is not worried about Metsubou to fully revive?! XD Why dont surprise me?! XD
This can be a parallelism about the question “why i was born?”. It’s easy for a humangear to know why it was born. But for us?! No, it’s not easy... i wish the show could talk about this topic and kids could relate. Could be awesome.... but... no. ¬¬
We can see the great plan in Aruto eyes! He will try to get Horobi remember he is a father. XD It could be great but the problem is that there is no plan right Aruto? Oh yes... Yelling him “REMEMBER” is the plan.
Could have been great if Midori question Horobi about the ark like... AND BEFORE THE ARK? where were you?.... Horobi.exe stopped working. XD
Horobi smiling face (fangirl screaming in the distance) X//D
Almost Aruto... you got him... almost!! X,D Daddy memories are somewhere there. X//D
(can we talk about the sexy lips of Horobi?!)
THis was a parallelism... one humangear “die” and another get to live. But the fact that the humangear dont die... because the data is saved... degrade impact.
So not everyone are equal to the ark... seriously why they dont try to reprogram that thing?! I mean... should be easy with Yua... right? (but ok i will not request common sense in this show)
Horobi smiled again (fangirl screaming in the distance) X///D
suits... beauty.
Naki... Naki!!
Ohhh no... Yua is in danger... XD Ark: She?... no, because she is cool and beautiful and can reprogram me. XD
Horobi smiled again... (fangirl screaming in the distance)
Aruto... he hardly have speak to you... how can he trust you?! X,D
Yes... to his way.... not yours! X,D
You know at least Horobi smiled like three times and that... that was good!
#keru watch#kamen rider zero one#critic#horobi smiled... three times#papa horobi#sunagawa is soooo handsome
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i watched “spy kids 3″ twice in one week and back-to-back throughout my childhood and here are my thoughts
whos gonna use 3d effects at home
up your prices
JUNI NO YOUR H A I R
hahah funney cuz he stepped in gum
its so quiet my volumes at 44 and its too quiet
the music sounds a little like isle of dreams from the last one
oh hes wearing the necklace!!
fun fact i hadnt seen any of rocky until freshman year and when i did i didnt know where i had seen that guy before. turns out hes the toymaker
juni dont ever step out of line for ANYTHING
buscemi!!!!
spider dude!!!!
ralph!!!!!
gerti!!!
whats up with the fancy pot. i hate it. doesnt match the aesthetic
if you havent seen her since christmas “last year” then that means you havent seen her in over a year. someone would have gone for her by now
shes NINE???????
“everyones your family” yeah no i dont want “everyone” in my family
“retired” youre ELEVEN
what was with that zoom in
“games and theory” dont you mean GAME THEORY
that dude looks like colonel sanders
ew its donnagon
oh shit mrs giggles is cute
v boxx???? ew
and i OOP-
i just realized theres been an “are you with me” type thing in each movie so far
why are there only five levels????? logically there would be one tutorial level, so you only get 4 levels to play on
he go ZOOM
looks like jumpstart
or reader rabbit
he can still use telepathy????
why is he carrying the coins????????
this guy looks like antman
he looks nothing like a toad
wait thats the floating head from sharkboy and lavagirl. tobias i think???????
so its hardcore mode????? just make a new account
they only added that for more 3d effects didnt they
this is just target smash from smash bros
the dark side of the moon doesnt exist stupid
youre TESTERS why are you trying to WIN
“knows karate”
when i was younger i was so confused why the time went down but now i realize that they actually had to GET grandpa
yeah well he DID deal with it
iron man? dont you mean valentin avellan?
i paused the movie for like 20 minutes to find my old spy kids 3d glasses and couldnt and now im sad
the dude in silver looks like this guy i know
juni is bumblebee
p r e d d y
he escaped by winning. if demetras so good, why is she still here???
WHY DOES HER MECH HAVE TIDDIES
“no ear biting” isnt that mike tyson
wait is the platform gyroscopic or not????? it is in some instances but not in others????
great job juni you killed her
i like the hippie one hes cool
nevermind hes lame
i like the killer guy now. chaotic evil
i think they legit used daryl sabara for the poster
i feel like i had junis car as a taco bell toy but it was blue
why would you listen to him
actually it IS a turbo boost it just turbo boosts you out of the car
wOah
oh no he died
why is grandpa so cool
according to my physics teacher that shouldnt work
why is antman helping you
these bikes shouldnt be working either
why would you have to lose a life to continue the race??? the fall is clearly implemented so why does juni lose a life???
why is there a COUNTDOWN
was there a time limit on the race??? i didnt pay attention
who are the dudes in the background
i never got the “atari-sega-nendo” joke until this week. i was a loser child
even if you dont shut it down before people get online its still gonna take them a bit to get to level 5, you have buffer time
“my cool” THATS👏NOT👏A👏SKILL👏
juni theyre already gone
wait thats illegal
“lava mountain” you mean a volcano??????
hahah l0zerz
awwwwwwwww
they stole tetris
oh my God its lego star wars
wait there are TWO characters in yellow suits you cant DO THAT
oh no she died
THERES THE ICONIC LINE
“dont fall in love with a game juni” WHAT ABOUT MINECRAFT
holy crap i thought that was loss for a second
“my feet stink” THATS A REFERENCE TO THE LAST ONE!!!!!
carmen!!!!
great job juni
because lava is COOL
the floor looks like 25 pounds of meth disguised as ancient aztec calendars
i was so confused as a kid because i had actual tinker toys and these weren’t it
i alwasy wanted to be the guys in the cells
i thought they couldnt help juni anymore????? why can they manipulate the game NOW
oh no have all died
nevermind
why are you always conspiring against juni???
haha gameboy
so apparently thats elijah wood??? dont know who that is but he looks like a rat
wow. inspirational.
is the guy like??????? really tall or something?????
oops
aww :((
what kind of advanced AI is this???? developing feelings???
yes you can youre literally just code
awwwwww
you may not be smart but you have g r e a t fashion sense
its called virtual reality look it up
i love this part because hes working so hard but then his kids are calling so he just… goes
also why did they reapprove this program
WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN THEYRE PRETTY IMPORTANT
you dont have to BREAK IT you could just LEAVE
SEE YOU A R E THEIR UNCLE
nice hair ingrid
machete!!!!
F L O O P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE👏THAT👏DUDE👏
and minion i guess
oh!!!!! floops wearing the good coat!!!!!!! he better run!!!!!
SOMEBODY RING THE DINKSTER??????
romero!
didnt you specifically say “im no loon” in the second one????
whats with the fist bump sound effect
hmm i wonder who
he go ZOOM
you can still????? go to a wedding????? in a wheelchair???? like i can assure you thats a thing
also its canon that at this point that ingrid is less than 30. carmen is 14. that means ingrid was 16 when she had carmen, and we know she was married beforehand
the toymaker isnt allowed to be family yet
YES!!!!!!! FLOOP IS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! LOVE THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD THERE WERE NO SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS D:
OH!!!!!! INGRIDS FAMILY IS AVELLAN BECAUSE THE OTHER PRODUCERS LAST NAME IS AVELLAN!!!!!! nice
alexa vega went so hard for the song in this one i love it
wait now i have to review the fourth one oh NOOOOO
#spy kids#spy kids 3#spy kids 3d#spy kids game over#spy kids 3 spoilers#spy kids spoilers#spy kids 2 spoilers#juni cortez#carmen cortez#gregorio cortez#ingrid cortez#fegan floop#the toymaker#alexander minion#romero#gary giggles#gerti giggles
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The bonds that tie
No one is ever late to finding out their sexuality. No one is ever late with coming out. Everything takes time, and for some people that takes longer than others. Cultural and social circumstances can have a huge effect on how and when we begin to understand and accept ourselves, and in some parts of the world, that can have a deeply negative impact on our sense of self worth. Nevertheless, being true to ones self leads to deeper, more positive connections with those around you.
- K
Name: Jacob
age: 32
occupation: Refugee Assistance
Location: Liverpool
Gender: Male
sexuality: Gay
My name is Jacob, Im 32 years old, Australian, from an Iraqi background, with Assyrian nationality, and I am a gay man. I like to think of myself as a very easy going guy, although a lot of people seem to misunderstand my personality and think of me as a snob, or make a point of saying how I am very quite. I think that is because I am generally a shy person, largely because of being self conscious about my accent, I’m worried about saying something wrong, or not speaking fast enough. I always need to translate what I want to say into english in my head before actually saying it. I’ve always had a love of helping people, which is why I work for a government program designed to assist refugees secure housing and establish their first initial accomodation in Australia, which I’ve been working in for the past five years. My initial degree was in IT, which I gained back in Iraq, but once I finished my degree I realised that I wasnt very passionate about coding and working with computers, I just did the degree to satisfy my parents, so I worked with a newspaper and became a journalist until I left Iraq in 2010. I lived in Istanbul for a couple of years before moving to Australia as a part of my journey as an asylum seeker. I’ve been in Australia for about 6 years.
Upon moving to Australia it was very challenging to find work as a journalist, with English being my fifth language, and the competition for journalism jobs in Australia being so high, so I began assisting people who’d gone through my own journey, first as an interpreter, and then moving into community services and case management, and I’ve now done a diploma in social housing as well, and currently completing studies in social work with the University of Western Sydney, hopefully next year.
I think I realised that I was attracted to men when I was about 14 or 15 years of age, but because back then in Iraq there wasnt any access to the internet, nor anyone that you could really come out to and talk with about it, I felt extremely abnormal. I thought that it was just me, and that I was different to everyone else, it was at a time when all of my peers had girlfriends, and thinking about getting married and stuff. I met my first girlfriend when I was 17, and fell in love for the first time when I was 21 back in ui with one of my classmates, but of course that didnt last. I always felt like I was going down the wrong path, because even though I was dating women like I “should”, I still felt attracted to guys. Eventually I got the chance to speak to people through the internet, and found out what being gay was, and realised that I wasn’t an aberration. It gave me the tools to discover who I truly am. I dated my first guy when I was 24, which was when I was able to accept it, and I’ve identified as gay since then.
I did feel very strongly that I didnt belong in the society over there, with LGBTQIA+ people not being talked about at all, and such a religious culture which openly hated gay people… Growing up in a muslim society was very challenging, as the only Catholic guy in primary and middle school, with a western name as well, it didnt make it any easier to come to terms with my sexual orientation. I was bullied quite a lot for the way I dressed and acted, for not having a girlfriend etc. And that challenge moved to my home, the struggle about how to let my family accept me, the isolation that you feel as you build up to coming out to your family… Being gay, and the youngest in the family, in a very religious, Catholic family was not the easiest.
Eventually, even after moving out with friends after graduation, I was still very close with my family and dreaded the idea of coming out to them, and the possible disconnect from those family ties. Because I couldnt think of anything worse than not being able to see my nephews and nieces, of spending time with my parents. But eventually I had to be selfish for once, and I came out to them in August 2018. It was really hard for them in the beginning, they were really shocked, but we had a serious chat a few days later. I just realised, they always knew but they kind of denied within themselves, because of them… I looked different to any other gay guy that they knew of… I didnt fit those stereotypes that they thought of. I just did my best to educate them and make them believe it. At the beginning they were saying “You’re only saying that because you dont want to get married” and all this kind of stuff. I had to give them examples of people that I’d introduced them to and tell them that they were actually past boyfriends for them to accept the fact that I’m actually a gay guy.
They were expecting, even though we live in Australia now, that coming out to everyone would get me fired, or beaten up at work. They had no idea about the anti-discrimination laws in Australia, they even asked me about whether there was any sort of gay community in Sydney. Obviously it was a bit much for them, they offered me church conversion therapies, they offered me medications, they asked me to go on a blind date with a girl that might change my mind, but obviously none of those were options. I’ve asked them to accept who I am, and if not then they can continue their lives without me in it. But it didnt actually take any longer than two weeks before they started inviting me to family gatherings again, and our relationship now is even closer than what it was before. I’m so much more comfortable being myself around them, I dont feel like I have to hide myself, and pretend to be straight anymore that I used to do before. My whole family is so much closer now and I’m very grateful.
For my fmily I’ve always been the rebel. I was the first to move out of home, even though I’m the youngest. All of my brothers were getting engaged and married and still living with my parents. I moved out when I finished my studies, and everyone was against it. There’s this stigma in middle eastern culture that a young man should not move out of his family home before he gets married, because that will ruin his reputation and morals, and will have temptation to do bad things. There’ve always been comments about the way I dress, because my fashion choices were not very accepted, I followed the western singers on TV and stuff. And when I had my first piercing, an eyebrow piercing when I was 24, my family didnt talk to me for about two weeks because they thought it was too gay… surprise! It got even worse when I got my first tattoo, my friends would say to me “you look like a homeless person” “you look like you have no morals” etc, etc. When I got my ears pierced, they started saying that “you look like a faggot” which was really harsh. But I’ve always wanted to do what represents me, not to follow a group f people or act like someone else. I want to present myself in a way that represents myself, and I have always felt free to change my looks or the way I dress.
Things have definitely changed about the way I dress and act since I came out. I feel like I’m out of my shell, especially at work, I no longer feel the need to try to blend in anymore. Luckily the diversity at my work is very broad, so looking different isn’t a big deal. So far out of nearly 50 staff, I’m the only that is openly gay, which means of course I was picked by the inclusion co-ordinator to become the LGBTQIA+ champion fo the office, so staff could approach me to ask for resources and assistance when they have clients in the LGBTQIA+ community. And now I have the pride flag on my desk and people get shocked when they see it, and I can almost see the question marks appearing over their head as they stand there. But yes, I am definitely more comfortable being myself at work, that comfort in being who I am has helped my relationship with my managers because it’s like being a bird, and you finally learn how to fly, that’s how it feels for me to be out.
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#thequeerlook#the queer look#queer#lgbt#lgbtqiaplus#lgbtqia#gay#male#man#assyrian#iraqi#iraq#immigrant#asylum#love is love#photography#portrait#portraiture#portraitphotography#interview#identity
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For some reason i really wanted to write some reformed super5 headcanons so here i go
Edit: Part1 Part2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
I havent read the manga so I dont know exactly what happens to them therefore this probably wont follow canon
Minegishi being the one who faced the worst possible way to realize all his wrondoing assumes as his responsability to make sure the others, who didnt had to go through such drastic measures, take seriously their redemption
"What do you mean the boy just offered to be your friend??? I HAD TO FACE DEATH HIMSELF AND ALMOST DIE WHILE BEGGING FOR ONE CHANCE" says a perfectly not traumatized Minegishi after Seri tells them what happened up there
So he essentially becomes the mom friend, making a group chat to know what all of them are up to and pestering them to find a job you bunch of useless
How he manages to be both the mom friend and the asshole friend is anybody guess
hatori and shibata move in together to split bills, seri goes with Reigen so Minegishi ends up renting a tiny flat on his own
Minegishi (actually all of them) doesnt trust Reigen, and neither Mob(afterall he saw him talking with that terrifying spirit) but it looks like Seri is doing fine and he is too busy looking for a job
He ends up being a florist(i think this is canon) and Hatori works repairing computers because thats all they know to do
Minegishi still doesnt actually like like plants but he has come to appreciate them and they are part of him so he starts to learn about them
Hatori canonically knows nothing about IT so now that its his work he does the same and lears to program too (It turns out without his powers he sucks at it)
Cue some strange study session and chats talking about their experiences
Minegishi: Did you know that apple seeds contain cyanide, a very lethal sustance, so you could kill a man if you feed him too many apples?
Hatori: Did you know computers are super stupid? seriously for some reason it tells me there two kinds of 0 and it wont do what i want OH MANS GREATEST INVENT HOW COME YOU CANNOT RUN THIS SIMPLE PROGRAM
Hatori:
Minegishi: you forgot another ; didnt you?
Hatori:
Hatori: yeah..but it still tells me the are 2 zeroe's
Shibata jumps from work to work(construction worker, security guard, retail) getting frustrated each time. The only things constant in his life are the super5 and his weekly visits to the gym because even if he was passing out he remembers what ekubo said to him about appreciating real trained muscles over fake physics muscles and decides to train until he deserves those muscles
It turns everybody in the gym admires his muscles and the fact that shibata follows a healthy routine and never oveworks like those who exercise for the sake of having muscles(he could use his physics powers if he wanted to just show off) motivates them to do the same so they gym owners, exvited about this' go to him and beg him to work there as gym instructor. Shibata has to go thought lots of capacitation but he is finally doing something he believes in and helping other people.
They do mostly fine and are sastified with the way they are becoming better...of course there times when old habits cannot be forgotten
One time Hatori is asked to repair one of the computers of a mildly important company and he does it without realizing he used his powers. so when another computer brokes in the same way and the company, to save money, triesto repeat what he did, it doesnt work and they acusse hatori of somehow doing this on purporse so the company is forced to hire him everytime and threaten to sue. Shibata hearing this walks up to the company in his inflated form and force them to retract everything the said, apologize to Hatori, hire him to repair the other computer and then leave him alone
Hatoris way to say thanks is to hack the gyms system and change shibatas schedule so his days of fall on the same day there new episodes of his favorite shows. He does the same for Minegishi sometimes.
Even if a florist shop is a calmer enviroment there are times he really wants to estrangulate the customers with some vines. He of course doesnt do it but he cant be blamed when a customer trips on a random root that appeared out of nowhere. Seriously? This root is too sturdy to be from any pf the plants they have Minegishis coworkers complain
Once they see a clean shaved, suit wearing more confident standing Seri for the first time they stare dumbfoundedly(they might had even gaped) but they recover quickly and compliment him which makes Seri so happy which is a nice change because he was so nervous he couldnt even button his shirt and Reigen had to sit him down and help him. They go for a drink and catch up on their lives. This becomes soon a routine.
And it goes like this(with them working, adjusting to normal lives and going for drinks every once in awhile) for about a year until one afternoon minegishi comes back to his apartment from grocery shopping to a powerful aura that is making his plants nervously recoil and finds Shimazaki resting on his couch eating cereal out of the box and watching tv
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
"Watching tv"
"You are blind"
"And you are dumb. Wheres the milk? I couldnt find it"
I have a part 2 ready but i really need to do my homework now so this was a good point to cut it. ill edit it later to fix any mistakes when im on my computer
(The cyanide thing is more difficult than just feeding someone apples but i did that on purpose to show Minegishi is just as dumb as Hatori)
#mob psycho 100#mp100#minegishi toshiki#hatori nazomu#shibata hiroshi#serizawa katsuya#shimazaki ryou#manga spoilers#i guess#mp100 spoilers#they are so dumb#super 5#super5 headcanons#nie's writing
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changing majors
so, i just recently changed my major AGAIN and hopefully this is for the final time. as i was doing this, i realized something. everyone around me kept asking me if i REALLY wanted to do this, if i REALLY thought it was the best choice for me, WHY i was doing it, and all that. they could not seem to fathom why I wanted to change it again and were much more cautious about the idea than i was.
i originally was an english major. i was fresh out of high school and i had always enjoyed english so i figured, yep that is where i should be. i wanted to be a writer and an editor. that sounded perfect to me. it took me one class to show me that ACTUALLY my true passion is education and helping others, specifically children.
whenever i considered the idea that i didnt want to be an english major anymore, it really took me aback. i thought that i couldnt possibly change my major. i felt like i had been so stupid for working so hard towards an english degree and then now wanting to change it. i spent countless hours lying awake at night going over whether i should change it or not.
then i dropped out of college bc of a problem with financial aid and personal issues. during the time i was off of school, i worked a variety of jobs and got my own place. i spent all my time researching education and knew in my heart that working with children and helping them learn was very important to me. not only that, but i was extremely interested in child development and behavior.
so then i went back to community college to finish up my associate’s to make myself competitive for the university i would transfer to in the fall. i was taking classes for an elem ed major and loved them! i loved my classes! they were so interesting and taught me so much! but when i signed up for my classes for the fall, i felt a strange disconnect bc now the classes were focusing less on the psych behind child development and more went into the practicum experiences.
then i was suggested to join the bat program (behavior analysis and therapy) within the college of ed and human services. immediately i knew in my heart tat this is what i wanted. the first time i changed majors, it took me honestly like four months to finally make up my mind. the second time, it took me about a day. why did it hardly take me any thought to change my major?
bc when you’re going to college, you should love what you are doing. you should love to be studying what you are studying and want to keep diving into the knowledge and textbooks at your disposal. you should be striving to do your best and to excell in everything you do there. i was in those ed courses, but they were straying away from what i wanted to do, especially my end goal. i want to be able to conduct my own research when i get out of college and that would be difficult working as a full time elementary teacher. it did not seem to fit. but becoming a board certified behavioral analyst? now that could surely fit.
when you’re stuck between two majors or even a few consider your options. what speaks to you the most? which subject makes you the most happy? feel the most fulfilled? what could you do for the rest of your life and smile about doing? what could you read hundreds of books on and yet never be satisfied? whatever that is, set your eyes on that path and follow where it leads. dont get that accounting degree just bc you will make decent money. dont go into nursing if you cant stand all the math and science classes. do what your passion tells you to do. feel out your path and then make sure that you are continually wanting that. passions change over time but what should never change is your happiness. find what makes you truly happy.
#studyblr#studyspo#the alexsandria studies#advice#college advice#major#major change#college#university#personal
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i just realized its been a little over a year since I graduated and had to pull my shit together to find a job. heres some tips if anyone feels a little lost and some examples from my own struggles.
start with your cv! whether you’re applying for a summer internship program or fresh outta uni trying to figure out how you’re supposed to navigate the job market, start with your cv. take every little thing you’ve ever done and construct something out of it! look at any extracurriculars youve done or any interests and skill you’ve picked up over the years and figure out. i literally got my foot in the door because i learned how to read html/css on tumblr so i kinda dropped it in my interests and mentioned it in my interview and im pretty sure it gave me a bit of an edge for getting the position.
window shop a little! there are so many jobs and job expectations out there! take a look around and familiarize yourself. getting yourself acquainted with the market and the language that people use is super important and can help you go back and polish up your cv to fit it. I struggled with this a little bit myself. I went to uni in canada but came back to hk so the entry position names and the terms that they used for recruiting was pretty different (idk if its the same for other places but uhhh like in hk all the entry level/fresh grad positions are ‘executive’ positions lmao which i did not know). i would say definitely try to figure out key terms or skills that will make it easier to filter your search.
dont preemptively disqualify yourself! apply to jobs that you dont think you’re fully qualified for. literally. actually. apply. im not saying like shoot for the something unreasonable. but dont be turned off by postings that expect more years or more experience than you have. dont disqualify yourself before you even get the chance to try. the worst that could happen is you dont get a response. the best that could happen is you get called in for an interview. either or its still just another part of the process! everyones gotta start somewhere with experience so just give yourself the chance to get some.
alter your cv’s and cover letters! everyone says it. actually do it. have one basic cv that has everything on it. thats your building block and probably the cv you can use to send out to general jobs that youre kinda interested in but really just shooting your shot just to try. when you see a job you’re really interested in or really fits a certain skill or background that you have then create another cv that accentuates those skills! you gotta mold yourself a little to fit the image that the person whose hiring you is looking for. tailor your cover letters a little to the company and the job posting and align yourself for the position. its the same concept as buying the right shoes for the right sports. youre not gonna wear converse to a 100m sprint. and youre not gonna send him some generic cover letter to a job youre really aiming for.
make a spreadsheet! i literally applied to so many jobs that i couldnt keep track without the spreadsheet. it was helpful for if i got a call for an interview and had to go back to reference what the exact expectations for the post was. mine looked like this (company; position applied for; location; date applied; where i found it; a response column; and a details column that linked to the job posting’) but for sure tailor yours to your own job search. [yes i applied to like almost 150 jobs but yknow most were just shots in the dark for shits and giggles]
dont necessarily take the first job you hear back from! congrats maybe you got an interview and got an offer! don’t be scared to say no. unless its a job that you know you’re really gunning for and super interested in, i wouldnt advise to settle if you can afford not to. the tip i gave my friend was to think about whether or not you still wanted to look for other jobs when you receive the offer. i know this is a luxury not everyone can decide to take but if you can then do so. if you cant afford the extra search time, then take the job as a learning opportunity. like i said before everyone has to start somewhere if theyre gaining experience.
give yourself a break.. dudes its hard to transition out of a system thats been guiding you since you essentially knew how to write your name. if you get the chance give yourself a break and dont continually get stressed about this. take a breather, schedule some time outta your day. if youre trying then a job will come. the right one.
edit: i wanted to also add some general places to look at for postings
linkedin / indeed.com - both let you create cv’s, job search, save jobs youre interested in, and quick apply. theyre good places to start just cause there’s so many postings. dont just look at the jobs, look at the companies and sister companies.
go directly to a company you’re interested in - if youve got an interest in working with a certain person or company, literally go to the website and see if theres a hiring/contact/linkedin for the company and directly apply there. send a email! there’s bound to be a way to contact them (lmao respectfully pls)
check out some university job boards - some are public, or if youve just graduated there might still be access for you. my uni also had a ‘jobs’ facebook page. dont forget about alumni groups if your school might have one. alumni groups are literally made for you to connect and try to open opportunities.
graduateland / angellist / jobsdb (if ur in asia) - check out the smaller more ‘boutique’ places that are more tailored to ur geo or interests. like for example angellist is mostly for startups and smaller companies.
#job tips#no one asked for advice but here is some#i had no help but google when i was job searching outta uni#if you want help like im here for you my dudes#joyce voice#this feels generic#but yknow im also self indulging for possible future self unemployment#lmao also just thought about how some of ya'll are yung and have a while to go before these worries#enjoy ur time kiddos
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Korean Media with Cultural Impact
I had the thought of what korean shows and movies are really important in korea; things like the simpsons, star wars, friends, etc. where its important culturally and influnced korean society. Getting two birds with one stone of practicing korean and getting some cultural information as well.
This is quite a big list and I dont want to bog down anyones feed so it will be under the cut
note the english and korean might not match up, I’m just putting the english title and the korean title so not all are direct translations
VARIETY
Running Man - 런닝맨
easily the most popular variety tv show, popular internationally as well. great to learn about popular celebs
PLOT MCs and guests complete missions to win the race. The show has since shifted to more focused on games
Master in the House - 집사부일체
recently becoming very popular variety show. great to learn about celebs important in korea but outside of the popular hallyu wave
PLOT The cast spends 2 days 1 night together with ‘masters’ of various fields in hopes of gaining knowledge and wisdom
Infinite Challenge - 무한도전
predating running man its been called "the nation's variety show" and "Korea's real first variety"
PLOT similar to a challenge-based reality television programs but the challenges are often absurd or impossible, so the program takes on a more satirical comedy aspect
I Live Alone - 나 혼자 산다
PLOT showing celebs daily lives living alone
The Return of Superman - 슈퍼맨이 돌아왔다
PLOT celeb fathers have to take care of their young children without the mothers help while she takes a much needed break
DRAMAS
Boys Over Flowers - 꽃보다 남자
started hallyu wave in 2009 within asian countries, probably the most popular kdrama
PLOT a normal girl attends a rich prestigious private school after saving a student's life. She stands up the popular rich well loved bullies and ends up developing a relaionship with them
Sky Castle - SKY 캐슬
highest rated kdrama in history
PLOT wealthy housewives try to make their husbands more successful and to raise their children like princes and princesses
Reply 1988 - 응답하라 1988
second highest rated kdrama, the rest of the reply series are well recieved as well and showcase different eras in modern korean history (1997 and 1994)
PLOT Set in 1988, it revolves around five friends and their families living in the same neighborhood
My Love From the Star - 별에서 온 그대
another hugely successful kdrama
PLOT An alien who has been stranded on Earth for more than 400 years is almost able to return home, but finds himself developing feelings for a famous actress
Descendants of the Sun - 태양의 후예
so popular it caused resoration projects for filming locations from the show
PLOT love story between the captain of the korean special forces, and a surgeon in a war-torn country
Guardian: The Lonely and Great God - 쓸쓸하고 찬란하神 - 도깨비
or just Goblin - 도깨비
first cable kdrama to surpass 20% ratings. It was also popular to parody it on various social media sites
PLOT Kim Shin, a goblin and protector of souls, wants to end his immortal life but the only way he can do that is find a human bride
CHILDRENS TV SHOWS
good for beginner practice because of the easy to follow plots and simple dialouge and story
Pororo the Little Penguin - 뽀롱뽀롱 뽀로로
most popular recent childrens tv show
Dooly the Little Dinosaur - 아기공룡 둘리
late 80s to 90s kids tv show, also dooly is an official south korean citizen
Anpanman - 안판만
popular childrens show about a bread super hero, its japanese but still big in korea, also referenced in a BTS song
OTHER TV SHOWS
That's what I want to know - 그것이 알고싶다
popular journalistic program, goes really indepth and shows facts, not swayed by corruption
PLOT analyzes corruption, society, religion, and unresolved cases in Korea
TV Animal Farm - TV 동물농장
koreas most popular animal show
PLOT talks about animal rights and promotes connections between animals and humans
Please Take Care of My Refrigerator - 냉장고를 부탁해
PLOT chefs compete to create impromptu dishes that feature ingredients found inside the guest stars' personal refrigerators
MOVIES
The Admiral: Roaring Currents - 명량 - 鳴梁
the most watched film in South Korea
PLOT based on the historical Battle of Myeongnyang, where Joseon admiral Yi Sun-sin's led the only 12 ships remaining in his command to a heroic victory against an invading Japanese fleet numbering 333 vessels
Old Boy - 올드보이
most praised korean film internationally (please dont watch the american remake its terrible..)
PLOT On his daughters fourth birthday Oh Dae-su is suddenly imprisoned in a hotel room for 15 years without knowing anything about the reason why. When he is finally released he dedicates his time to finding his captor
Extreme Job - 극한직업
highest grossing Korean comedy film of all time
PLOT undercover detectives start a chicken restaurant for a drug-bust operation, but end up busier than ever when their food becomes famous
Ode to My Father - 국제시장
korean history! also fourth highest-grossing film in korean cinema
PLOT depicts modern Korean history from the 1950s to the present day through the life of an ordinary man
A Werewolf Boy - 늑대소년
the most successful Korean melodrama of all time
PLOT a teenage girl is sent to a country house for her health, where she befriends and attempts to civilize a feral boy but the beast inside him is constantly waiting to burst out
A Tale of Two Sisters - 장화, 홍련
highest-grossing Korean horror film with american remake ‘The Uninvited’
PLOT inspired by a Joseon Dynasty era folktale “장화홍련전” The plot focuses on a recently released patient from a mental institution who returns home with her sister, only to face disturbing events between her stepmother and the ghosts haunting their house
My Sassy Girl - 엽기적인 그녀
popular within korean and asia, inspired japanese, english, chinese, nepali, and indian remakes
PLOT A college student becomes involved with a self-centered young woman who humiliates him at every turn.
A Taxi Driver 택시운전사
more korean history! based on a true story, shows the gwangju uprising which really set off democracy in korea
PLOT widowed father working as a taxi driver gets a german customer who is looking to report on the political unrest in Gwangju, they end up getting caught up in the gwangju uprising
Since this list is under a read more cut I can add more anytime so if you guys know of any influencial korean media just tell me and I can add it!
Likewise if something here isnt actually that influencial within korea I can remove it, especially because of the hallyu wave its possible something could be well known internationally but actual koreans couldnt care less about it
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