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hotjaneaustenmenpoll · 1 month

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Semi-Final One

Propaganda...

Colonel Brandon (1995):

Alan Rickman has the sexiest voice. Just listen to him reading poetry to Marianne at the end to witness how hot he is.

Alan Rickman simply embodies the truth of Col. Brandon in a way that no one else every could. It's the perfect merging of actor and role. He brings the perfect combination of honor, decency, sensitivity and passion. He is the ultimate mensch.

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Brandon propaganda in which even the film's director agrees that Brandon is sexy.

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More Brandon propaganda! This photo could only be published in black and white because it would have been too powerful in color (the original color version is currently being used to provide electricity for a medium sized town in Devon. It's THAT powerful).

The brim of the hat falling over his eye. The casual lean. The hunting rifle slung across his leg. The puppy bestie. The fact you know he could row that boat while you watch and wish you were the boat.

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From Emma Thompson's diaries which she kept while they were shooting Sense & Sensibility. Emma Thompson said vote Colonel Brandon.

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Mr Darcy (1995):

Colin Firth (1995) is book Darcy brought to life. He uses tiny gestures and looks to communicate with us and Elizabeth… his struggle is so subtle but so palpable. A beautiful asshole with a creamy nougat center. Just perfect.

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Those heart-eyes right up above☝️? Hot!

Passive-agressively drinking tea? Hot!

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The way he rushes over to see Elizabeth at Pemberley on those delicious long legs of his with that slutty wet curl hanging over his forehead? Hot!

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Fencing? Hot!

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The way he is so concerned about Elizabeth crying and takes her hand even though he shouldn't? Hot!

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This dimple-y smile of pure joy because he knows he's married to Elizabeth freaking Bennet? Hot!

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Colin Firth Darcy is simultaneously immaculately put together and entirely falling apart internally. The wet shirt scene is so iconic not (only) because ‘oooh almost-shirtless sexy man’, but because it’s a metaphor for how he’s absolutely falling apart!!! This is a private moment, when he doesn’t think anyone can see him. And then he bumps. into. Lizzie. At his house!! And the entire sequence that follows with him rushing out still doing his jacket up to catch her before he leaves. They are both on the back foot and it’s THAT moment of confusion that opens a more honest dialogue between them.

Without Firth in a lake you wouldn’t get Macfadyen in a downpour!

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There's a reason why Colin Firth is forever known as Mr. Darcy above all other roles he's had and will have! Even ignoring the wet white shirt, which has become A Thing now, he is so hot with his curly hair and his little half smiles and his intense looks of longing and his legs that go on for milessss.

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This cannot be real. My fellow Jane Austen people. Without Colin Firth’s Darcy we wouldn’t have 90% of modern JA content. He opened a door and there was no turning back for modern culture. There would be no MacFadyen standing half undressed in a field at dawn without Firth jumping into a lake first. There would be no hand flex if there hadn’t been Firth doing his best impression of a man undressing Elizabeth Bennet with his eyes and hating himself for liking it. There would be no Bridgerton without Bridget Jones. Let’s face it people. We wouldn’t be here having these arguments if Colin Firth had not been Mr Darcy.

Colin Firth understood Mr. Darcy in a way no other actor ever has. He is awkward as fuck in a way that comes across as snooty and judgmental on a first watch-through, then can be read as awkward and longing on a second time. His performance had such depth while looking extremely shallow at first glance. This man WAS Mr. Darcy. (I love 2005, as well, and I love Matthew McFayden, but he was awkward for awkward sake.) Colin Firth made Darcy's awkward look snooty and aloof.

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THE socially awkward Darcy is the 1995 Darcy - look at him coming and sitting in awkward silence with Elizabeth pointedly asking her if she wants to live a long way from her family (to obvious relief) and then abruptly leaving - vote for him please 😭😭😭😭

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Colin Firth served so much as Darcy that when they did Bridget Jone's diary, they brought him back.... AS DARCY. The smoulder. The angst. The man is the quintessential Darcy.

“Firthing” is an actual term that is used now to describe someone yearning intensely. It is named after Colin Firth’s Mr Darcy performance.

Colin Firth all the way. He's known in our household as Owl Eyes because in every frame he's mooning over Elizabeth Bennet. Unsurpassable, unmatched, golden television (and some of the worst dancing you've ever seen).

Colin has beautiful, touchable curls.

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My high school English teacher was very into using movies to teach alongside literature, which was a great teaching tool. When we read Pride and Prejudice, he used both 2005 and 1995 for various scenes. What stands out to me all these years later was when it got to the part when Lizzy went to help Georgiana after Caroline dropped Mr. Wickham's name and Darcy gives Lizzy this look:

My teacher stopped the film and pointed at Darcy's face and said, "See that? That is THE look. If someone ever looks at you like that, you know they're in love." And what is hotter than that?

Also this teacher had two cats named Lizzy and Darcy. Not relevant to the poll but I wanted you all to know about them.

Colin Firth dazzles and amazes in the nuanced performance that just blows all other attempts away.

The best thing about the Colin Firth wet shirt scene is actually the scene that follows where him and Lizzie are both just dyinggg of embarrassment but Darcy pulls himself together refuses to lose his advantage and runs to get dressed and chase her down before she leaves - just the mix of cringe and hopefulness at seeing her again is so well done and so attractive!!! (this is just the bit where he's running after her but I love it all!)

#hotjaneaustenmenpoll #semi finals #mr darcy #colonel brandon #pride and prejudice 1995 #sense and sensibility 1995 #pride and prejudice #sense and sensibility #jane austen #colin firth #alan rickman

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givereadersahug · 8 months

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Fic Stats Tag Game

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Thanks for the tag @likelightinglass (x) and @danpuff-ao3 (x).

I'll be using my emeraldlove account for this stats game.

🌻 Most Hits

Colours [Harry Potter, Snarry, E]

Severus follows the new Hogwarts professor into the Forbidden Forest one night.

My inspiration for this fic is Matthew Macfadyen's lovestruck expression in Pride & Prejudice (2005). I wanted a smitten Severus Snape, and god damn, I'll write it! lol

🌻 Second Most Kudos

Same as my most hits fic!

🌻 Third Most Comments

Warmth [Harry Potter, Snarry, G]

"Severus," said Severus after a moment, forcing himself to speak his name for Harry to say. It was only a name, he reasoned, deciding to take a small step across the line he had drawn between himself and Harry. "Severus," repeated Harry. His grin widened. "A strong name." "And yours is as common as a daisy." Harry laughed, bringing warmth to Severus's chest. "I hope not. I want to be the only Harry you know in your life." Severus takes refuge during a downpour at his favourite coffee shop.

Coffeeshop AUs! A trope I'll never stop writing, no matter if it's the same ship 1000000 times over.

🌻 Fourth Most Bookmarks

(via public bookmarks) The Pocket Watch [Fantastic Beasts, Gramander, G]

The Niffler is running about stealing things again. At least this time he brings together Graves and Newt.

Gramander!!!! My first HP slash ship and what got me back into the HP fandom. (Even if I see Fantastic Beasts as its own separate fandom lol)

(via private bookmarks) Sandalwood [Harry Potter, Snarry, M]

"Severus Snape is a Veela," said Hermione, one December day a few years after the Dark Lord's fall.

Written for Harry Potter Fanfiction Club Holiday Bingo event! It was fun trying to get blackout.

🌻 Fifth Most Words

Leave the Light on for Me [SK8 the Infinity, Loveblossom, E]

"Boring," said Ainosuke, gliding over to Langa. He tilted Langa's chin up so their gaze could meet. "Skating is about winning, taking your opponents in your hands and crushing them." Langa's eyebrows furrowed. "Who will meet you at the finish line?" There was only one person who ever met Ainosuke at the finish line, but he hadn't seen him in years. Young Ainosuke Shindo meets a strange man one evening after his mother died. Kitsune AU.

For Cherry Blossom Reverse Bang! 🌸🌸🌸 Check out the amazing art! It is gorgeous!

🌻 Least Words

Ummmmm. This is a tad difficult, since I have 42 100-words drabbles. I think I'll link my Snirius & Snarry Microfic works instead, since each chapter is a 50 words microfic written for Microfic May. Each chapter is its own story. Mind the tags.

Tagging: @maraudersaffair @yletylyf @serenaew @somnwritessometimes @ashariewrites @broomsticks (no pressure!)

#tag game #harry potter #snarry #snirius #fantastic beasts #gramander #sk8 the infinity #loveblossom #stats #fanfic

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blush-and-books · 1 year

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Top 5 all-time favorite ships?

TEA!!!

Warning - this list is literally just the same m/f couple in different fonts. A lot of these were more formative and influential in my childhood or were from series that are from a couple years ago. I am naming these as my top five because of how insane I went over them/how hard I hyperfixated on them.

When I made this list I was disappointed to realize that there hasn't been a wlw couple from a series or movie that has influenced me this powerfully, but I hope to find it soon and if you have any recs lmk! :) Will also include honorable mentions!

1. Kirsten Clark and Cameron Goodkin, Stitchers (2015-2017)

This is tied with Julie and the Phantoms for one of my biggest hyperfixations ever. Kirsten and Cameron were a slowburn that was done really beautifully and nobody was doing it like them. I watched this show at a very pivotal developmental point in my life, and I think these two taught me a lot about the work that a relationship takes and the fact you have to be willing to put it in - they were a healthy relationship example for me at a time that it was necessary for me to see it. They have a lot of character development over 3 seasons but grow together in healthy ways, and the writers kind of bake it into the plot that they're meant to be lmao. They also are just a great example of loving someone for everything that they are. They definitely made me a little mentally ill but also inspired me to be a writer, so...

2. Julie Molina and Luke Patterson, Julie and the Phantoms (2020)

I don't know how long you have been following me anon, but if I've been on your dash at all in the past couple years, it was most definitely related to Julie and the Phantoms, and probably related to Julie and Luke. In one season, they had insane development and beautiful chemistry. The way their characters were written made them naturally fit together, and made me cry "soulmates!" quite often. I will forever mourn what they could have been, and be grateful for some of the most stellar works of fanfiction I've ever read that were produced in their name.

3. Anne Shirley Cuthbert and Gilbert Blythe, Anne With An E (2018-2020)

Technically they're from the whole Anne of Green Gables Universe but AWAE is one of my Shows Of All Time ™ lol so I'm crediting them to the show!!! Just everything about them..amazing. Definitely gave me unrealistic expectations for love tho bc who tf assaults a man and still bags him in the end!??? Anne. She's that bitch and I haven't reached that yet but I'm working towards it.

4. Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, Pride & Prejudice (2005, dir. Joe Wright)

This is another one of those ships where I'm like if you've followed me long enough you could have seen this coming lol. These two are from the general Pride & Prejudice Universe, first created by the lovely Jane Austen, but P&P 2005 is by far my favorite movie of all time, and it is still breathtaking every time I watch it. Keira Knightley and Emmy Award Winner Matthew Macfadyen are really a perfect pair and their adaptations of the characters are so genuine and whole. Everything I do, I do for them.

5. Nina Martin and Fabian Rutter, House of Anubis (2011-2013)

My original Ship of All Time. Was very mentally ill over them. I rewatched this show last year and I expected to be like "oh god this is cringe how did young me like this so much" but instead I was like "oh god this is so well written how could anybody hate this show." Yes it has its silly moments but I could write essays on how well it was written. The foundation of trust between Nina and Fabian was more powerful than any "do you trust me?" YA teen fantasy movie moment of the 2000s. Fabian was the blueprint for every fictional crush I have had since.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Kaz Brekker and Inej Ghafa, Six of Crows Duology and Shadow & Bone TV series

Aziraphale and Crowley, Good Omens

Su-hyeok and Nam-Ra, All Of Us Are Dead

Joyce Byers and Jim Hopper, Stranger Things

Zoya Nazyalensky and Alina Starkov, Shadow & Bone Trilogy and TV series (yes I am a Zoyalina truther sorry)

Dan Humphrey and Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl (will I receive hate for this one? to be determined)

Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson, Stranger Things

John B and Sarah Cameron, Outer Banks

Ethan and Sarah, My Babysitter's a Vampire

#chloes answers #stitchers #jatp #juke #awae #shirbert #pride and prejudice 2005 #pride and prejudice #house of anubis

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lawlessfm · 7 months

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oh this looks INCREDIBLE. casually throwing some faces i'm considering in the ring for suggestions in regards to roles you could see them taking on if you don't mind?: matthew macfadyen, buddy duress, colson baker, salomé das. <3 i have some ideas but have never written in a setting like this before. either way, thank you bunches! all the info you have up is so magnetic.

That is such a sweet and kind message to log in and see! You’re so thoughtful, thank you so much — this group and lore has been my baby and I am so happy to see the love and passion it’s received! You are very much noticed! First up, I absolutely adore Matthew Macfadyen and I could definitely see him as sales management for Anunnaki Pharmaceuticals or even the owner of El Anhelo! Buddy Duress has such a specific vibe to him and for some reason it always reminds me of Blade Runner 2049. With that said I can easily see him as a jazz musician for The Godfather House Of Blues or maybe even the headliner DJ for Gravity Nightclub! He’s definitely giving me the tortured artist vibe! Colson Baker as a capo for Jade Tribe when?!!! Or even a principal ballerina role ( I think it suits his aesthetic for some reason and no I won’t elaborate ). Salomé Das is my absolute favorite of the ones you sent it, I am not even sorry. I can see her as a bartender for the Olive Branch and maybe the owner for Slow Down Cafe, with some White Crocodiles associated in the mix. I hope this helps!

#APPLESS RP #ORIGINAL RP #ANSWERED.

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missyourflight · 9 months

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some stuff i read and watched in july:

somebody somewhere (s1 & 2): fucking loved this!! about going home again, queer community in a small town, belting, a fat woman who Fucks

the bear (s2): yes chef obvs, fishes into forks is just unbearably good

the sixth commandment: heartbreaking stuff - like an attempt at true crime storytelling with humanity and empathy and like a sense of love surrounding the victims? interesting to think about with penance

jaws: for the first time somehow?? obviously it's fantastic 🦈

return to seoul: love a story about a chaotic unmoored girl, great lipstick

nimona: RIZ AHMED FOREVER

oppenheimer: christopher nolan still can't write a woman and likely never will but in General i loved this!! some of us have been cillian murphy hive since the early 00s and own the way we live now feat. wambsgams macfadyen on dvd etc, is it not enough to see his beautiful face, large, how is the trinity test sequence so tense when you Know what's going to happen, full circle since seeing pearl harbour in the cinema in 2001 for josh hartnett reasons etc

barbie: extremely extremely fun if i didn't love its feminism always, very glad i saw this greta/letterboxd bit before so i could eye all the influences, ryan gosling is On One and it's wonderful

no hard feelings: i feel like someone (@powerful-owl??) was writing maxiel no hard feelings tumblr fic and having now seen the film i am in Need of it

naoise dolan, exciting times: read this and immediately pressed it on my sister; the hk specificity is for her, the queer stuff is for me

eve babitz, slow days, fast company: i have never been to california and i only want to go to eve's LA

eliza clark, penance: really smart sharp take on the industrial true crime complex etc, chucking brexit and folk horror and the seaside and excruciatingly accurate tumblr representation at it and making everything work. i keep turning it over together with the sixth commandment and death of a bookseller

greg doran, my shakespeare: a director's journey through the first folio: theatrical memoirs def one of my fave sub-genres, i loved spending this bit of time sinking into these plays again and hearing about all the different productions (harriet walter beatrice my lady wife etc)

#monthly media #sophposting

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erosia-rhodes · 2 years

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Review: Pleasantly surprised by The Batman

I did not expect to enjoy The Batman because the trailers made it look like a film that took itself way too seriously, and I was like, “Do we really need another Batman movie right now?” But just like I didn’t think we needed another Star Trek movie and then fell in love with the 2009 reboot, I found myself enjoying Matt Reeves’ film which somehow found a new take on a character that is older than rock n’ roll. It’s not perfect, but the things I liked far outnumbered the things I thought were dumb, so let’s break it down like that.

Things I loved

The original take that Bruce Wayne is a barely functional, emotionally stunted, human being who is unable to connect with others. This totally tracks when you think about it. You’d have to be seriously unwell to dress up as a bat and beat people up at night, right? He was probably forced to go to therapy as a kid and it just didn’t take, so now he does this instead. He’s so messed up that he’s incapable of creating a cover as an irresponsible playboy like he does in other films. This man isn’t just broken, he’s shattered! Some people have suggested he might even be a bit autistic. (The last time I remember seeing a new twist on an old character like this is when Matthew Macfadyen’s Darcy in the 2005 Pride and Prejudice wasn’t so much an arrogant guy, just an introvert with social anxiety who comes off that way.)

Batman is also more flawed than I recall him being in any other movie. He’s quick to judge, totally misreading the Selina/Falcone situation. He’s a bit of a prick to Alfred about the Wayne cufflinks and quickly feels shamed when he learns they were a gift from his dad. He crash lands in his bird suit. His car stalls out once before he gets it going. He’s kind of naive about how deep corruption goes in Gotham City. And he didn’t notice that criminals were embezzling from the Renewal fund that his own father set up. All these flaws make him feel like a real person (which can be hard when dealing with a guy who dresses up like a bat). This dude has a lot to learn and a lot of room to grow in any sequels which leaves the potential for a satisfying character arc.

Leaving the grease paint on Bruce's eyes works so well. It matches the emo vibe, but is also practical. I’m always a bit annoyed in other Batman films when the dark eye makeup magically disappears when he takes the cowl off.

I love that Bruce lives in the city instead of residing in the suburbs. If you’re going to police the city, you should live there, and not be a cop who lives 20 miles away and drives into town to lord over a community they’re not part of. It also makes logistical sense since it cuts down on his response time to emergencies.

They really nailed the Batman/Catwoman dynamic. Lots of unresolved sexual tension and mutual longing there. Lots of similarities in their characters, but differences that challenge and change each other. I also liked that it was a key part of the story and not just a side plot.

Catwoman in general was awesome. Good job, Zoë Kravitz!

The film didn't end in a big CGI battle. Refreshing! Take note, Marvel!

Things I liked

Wayne manor looks like the love child of a gothic cathedral and a McMansion. It’s bonkers, but I love it. It’s also a bit rundown and not well taken care of, just like Bruce.

Since he’s still in his early, low-tech years, I liked the DIY vibe Bruce had of running around the city in a hoodie and a backpack, even though I don’t think you could fit the bat suit in a backpack.

Felt right that most people weren’t all that impressed or scared by Batman. He’s still building his reputation at this point and taking on small-time criminals, so he’s mostly seen as a weirdo rather than a threat.

It was refreshing that the new mayor is a young, black, women instead of another white dude, which feels reminiscent of real people like Muriel Bowser of DC or Keisha Lance Bottoms in Atlanta.

There was good POC representation overall too with Zoë Kravitz and Jeffrey Wright cast in main roles.

So glad we didn't have to watch the Waynes get murdered again or Martha's pearl necklace break and scatter because they were too cheap to buy one that’s properly knotted, as Comic Book Girl 19 pointed out years ago.

It was nice to see Bruce’s parents be flawed as well, with Thomas accidentally getting a reporter killed and Martha dealing with mental health problems. They tend to come off as saints in the other films.

The introduction of a history of mental illness in Bruce's family was an interesting way of suggesting he might be a bit mentally ill too.

It was great that the cops kept commenting on the absurdity of letting a vigilante at a crime scene. It was classic “hanging a lantern,” but I appreciated it.

There was a stripper pole at 44 Below but no gratuitous stripping scene! This was the most miraculous thing in this entire film!

Catwoman wears a chunky heel which is the most sensible heel to wear if you’re a superhero. It provides maximum stability while preserving flexibility of the sole, making it easier to walk in than a wedge heel. Jill Bearup has a great video about this topic.

The Riddler’s incel army that congregates in a hidden chat room felt like a modern problem that could actually happen.

Batman is referred to as the world’s greatest detective, so it was nice to see him do some detection here, even if the Penguin had to help him with the rat riddle and a random cop figured out what the carpet tool was.

The whole film noir vibe overall worked really well, and the visual look of the movie matched that tone.

Robert Pattison does have an amazing jaw line.

I like how understated John Turturro’s performance as Falcone was. He’s got this soft-spoken, kind uncle vibe to him, but you know he’d snap your neck in a heartbeat if he had to.

Overall, it was interesting to see a film focus 90% on Batman instead of Bruce Wayne, since this film seems to imply Batman is his “real” self, at least at this point in his life.

I liked that Selina has much higher emotional intelligence than Bruce. She's able to read people at the club and manipulate them in a way he seems incapable of. And I do think she was manipulating Bruce a bit when she kissed him on the roof since she needed him on her side. Oh, those femme fatales!

Things I’m ambivalent about

I don’t know how I feel about the prominent use of Nirvana in this movie. This might be because it makes me feel old.

Batman’s parents were murdered in 2001? Ok, I definitely feel old.

The Riddler basically got away with everything, right? He didn’t blow up Bruce Wayne, but he achieved all his other plans. His incel army let him down in the end, but that’s not really his fault. Getting arrested was one of his goals, so the fact that he’s locked up isn’t a triumph either. So, the villain sort of won?

It’s kind of weird that married couple Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal have both been blown up in Batman films.

Things I disliked

The opening was boring. Yeah, I know the Riddler’s voyeurism of the mayor’s mansion parallels Bruce spying on Selina later on, showing similarities in their characters, but I didn't know who he was spying on, so I wasn’t invested or interested it. Then we had to watch a boring political debate on TV until finally, finally, the Riddler appears and something interesting happens.

When Batman beats up the gang at the beginning of the film, it would have been nice if that had hooked into the main story in some way. It does a good job of establishing the character and showing that the people he saves are also scared of him, but it feels tangential to everything else. You could lift it right out and you’d still understand the plot of the film.

The voiceover of Bruce’s journal entries reminded me way too much of Rorschach from Watchmen, so it didn’t work for me at all. It also seems dumb to be documenting your crimes in such detail.

So, yeah, the first 12 minutes had me believing I was right to assume this would be a bad movie until we finally got into the main story and things turned around.

Jeffrey Wright’s voice is so distinct that I kept thinking of him as the Watcher from the Disney+ What If…? series, which was distracting, but not really anybody’s fault. (Shame on you, Jeffrey, for deservedly getting so much work!)

Colin Farrell was good, but why was he hired to play the Penguin? Fat people get less acting opportunities than thin people, so I would have preferred they hire an actual fat person instead of letting a thin person take that role.

I wish they’d been more clear about whether Selina was in a romantic relationship with Annika or not. The fact that they were living together and she called her “baby” suggests intimacy, but then Selina kissed Batman the day after she found Annika dead, which would be really tacky if they had been an item.

Some of the more absurd exits. Do people have to leap off buildings and slide down repelling lines all the time? Isn’t the elevator more sensible sometimes?

I could have done without all the Ave Maria. It’s kinda overused.

The movie is too long. They could have shaved some time off at the beginning and also near the end. Kill your darlings!

Things I hated

I typically love Michael Giacchino’s work, but the Batman theme sounds way too much like the Imperial March from Star Wars. Someone should have taken him aside and told him this was basically plagiarism. Every time it played, it took me out of the movie and broke my suspension of belief because I was looking around for Darth Vader to show up.

I have come to hate any scene in a movie or TV show where a character makes a big murder board with lots of photos and strings and pushpins and Post-Its. It’s old and tired and I don’t think people actually do this that much in real life. I get that it makes an interesting visual, but it just feels dumb. So, I am not a fan of Bruce Wayne spray painting the floor of his house as he puzzles things out. I know he’s eccentric and he’s at a particularly low point because Alfred was hurt, but what is the housekeeper going to think? Has she figured out he’s Batman and never said anything cause she’s so close to retirement?

No one is upset that Batman created a fiery wreck on the interstate that destroyed at least one semi truck and probably injured several people? It was totally reckless and if someone did that in real life, I would want them jailed. I’m sure the people on NextDoor Gotham City had something to say about that!

I ended up thinking about this movie way more than I ever thought I would. I generally love the world they’ve built here. I hope the sequel leans into the things that worked and away from what didn’t. I’d like to see Bruce start to build a public, philanthropic identity as a way to be a source of hope in the city, and not just vengeance, even though he’ll feel totally awkward and uncomfortable doing so. It’d also be nice to see Catwoman and Penguin show up again instead of wiping the board clean like they do in other films. It would make this feel like a lived-in world where people don’t just disappear because you’re rolling out a new plot.

And hey, the mayor’s son could be the new Robin! Seriously, this kid had the most traumatic week ever. First he finds his dad gruesomely murdered, then he’s almost run over at the funeral where a man explodes, and then he gets stuck at Gotham Square Garden during a mass shooter incident and flood. This kid is going to be so fucked up. I bet he lives in fear of duct tape and lying for years. All you have to do is kill off his mother and have Bruce adopt him since he already deeply empathizes with the kid.

Good job, everybody! Looking forward to visiting this world again in a few years.

#the batman #review #batman #matt reeves #robert pattinson #zoe kravitz #catwoman #movies #dc comics #the penguin #colin farrell #spoilers #the batman spoilers #riddler #movie review

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good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic · 1 year

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I finally caught up with Succession over the course of this week. In fact, I literally finished S3E9 a few hours ago and I'm still completely thunderstruck.

I actually started season one a few weeks ago but struggled getting past the first few episodes. I reckon it took the writers a few episodes to settle on the tone of the show, to hone in on the correct balance between comedy and drama, and to identify the strengths of their cast so they could write them into the characters.

Once I made it to S1E6 though, I was hooked, and by season two, I was laughing, sobbing, seething and getting my heart broken, all in equal measure, because somehow showrunner Jesse Armstrong had managed to elevate the stories, the dialogue and the characters, and somehow Jeremy Strong had found new and interesting ways to complicate his portrayal of Ken, the only financebro sonofabillionaire loser on tv to have ever broken me, before his brother Rome joined the club, by reaching heretofore undiscovered depths in Pathetic Failure acting...

I was so ready for season three to fall short of the standards set by its predecessor, but it didn't. It may have been slow going in the middle for a bit there, but by the end, all I can think is what a ride. I don't know how it matched them, perhaps even exceeded them, but it did. At the beginning of this season, "Relevant Donuts" planted the idea that what we really want is to see the siblings together on the same side, taking down their father. So when the season finale finally pays that off, and we start to feel hopeful even a little proud of our trio for overcoming their father's machinations, only to have the rug pulled out from under us all in that Godfather betrayal — I'm still reeling. It was not shocking that Tom would do that, given everything he'd been put through, but I'm still shocked. And that is some brilliant writing.

I fully understand now why Charlie and Glenn were so in awe of Matthew Macfadyen's acting range and his seemless transitions from the most ridiculous comedy to most affecting drama (in a conversation from one of those early video episodes of the Sunny podcast). I've only known him from his fantastic performance as Mr Darcy in the 2005 Pride and Prejudice film, and Tom Wambsgans couldn't be further away from that role.

I have so many thoughts about how charming yet sneaky and two-faced Greg the Egg was all along, how that social climbing nature was developed, and how fascinating his dynamic with Tom is, especially as a parallel to the Tom/Shiv marriage. I despise everything that people like Shiv and Roman stand for and yet I can't help feeling so sorry for them as they stand before their father, looking for his love and approval, only to be ruthlessly dismissed, used and humiliated. I don't remember the last time I hated a character more than I do Logan Roy for his manipulative behaviour and the cruel ways he makes his children compete for his affection while claiming to act from a place of paternal benevolence. I can't say enough about Kendall, Siobhan, Roman, Tom, Greg, Logan, Gerri, Frank, Marcia, Hugo and just the whole bloody cast of characters and actors on this show.

As always, the "Jesse Armstrong and Armando Iannucci Uncomfortable Satirical Comedy Universe" of shows and films about fucked-up people, usually in positions of power, does not miss. I'm going to try not to be very annoying about this on my Sunny blog, but hey, it's my blog, so I might actually, at least in the near future since season four is nearly upon us. But I'm also a lazy bastard who hates hitting Post on their drafts. So who knows.

Anyway, I'm likely going to be the obnoxious friend who quotes this show like I do with Sunny and The Sopranos with my mates all the time now. It's already begun irl and I don't think I'll be able to stop anytime soon.

Excuse me while I go down a rabbit-hole of videos featuring the writers and cast of this show now. Maybe Jesse Armstrong will somewhere explain his brain to me.

#succession #succession hbo #jesse armstrong #jeremy strong #matthew macfadyen #not sunny #sur #sur rambles

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adamwatchesmovies · 1 year

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The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

The film The Nutcracker and the Four Realms most closely resembles is Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Like it, this reinvention of the classic story overrelies on CGI effects, seems more concerned with creating a flashy-looking world than a working one, and throws its empty characters into a floppy storyline. Unlike the 2010 movie, this bad holiday pudding by Lasse Hallström and Joe Johnston has no chance of being fondly remembered, even by misguided fans. It’s so derivative of other works it fades from your memory as soon as the credits roll.

On Christmas Eve, Clara Stahlbaum (Mackenzie Foy) searches for a key that will open a music box left to her by her late mother. On its trail, she wanders into a magical world divided into four realms. All live in harmony, except for Mother Ginger (Helen Mirren) and her army of mice, who rule the realm formerly known as the land of Amusements. Along with Captain Philip Hoffman (Jayden Fowora-Knight, playing the titular Nutcracker… sort of), Clara sets out to find her key and restore order to the realm her mother discovered years ago.

It’s essentially a watered-down version of “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” minus the wonder, excitement or anything else that made it good. The residents of the four realms are ridiculous caricatures rather than living, breathing beings we should care about. The Land of Amusements is barren. There’s just a couple of “buildings”, which is supposed to be spooky - I think. Mother Ginger’s army of mice should fill us with terror but the rodents can barely come together to make one human-sized soldier, much less pose a threat. What do the realms need a savior from, again?

If I talk about a film’s running time, it’s usually because someone's overstaying their welcome. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms has the opposite problem. It’s way too short. By the time we're introduced to the major players, the world, the rules and the conflict, there’s no time for anything else. No one has any depth. The movie is about nothing more than Clara finding the key to her music box and stopping the threat during the final act. You don’t get to know her or the Nutcracker at all so it’s no surprise the two of them don’t get romantically engaged by the time the movie ends. They’re blocks of wood no one could get excited about.

There’s nothing for you to get invested in or fall in love with. Fan of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite? There are a couple of brief dance sequences but before you get into it, writer Ashleigh Powell whisks away to witness another barrage of fantasy story cliches. Keira Knightley’s Sugar Plum Fairy is revealed to be the villain all long. Even if you didn’t see it coming, you won’t be shocked. Let her take over the world with her army of toy soldiers (so weak and impotent they make the Battle Droids from the Star Wars prequel trilogy look terrifying). Maybe then, something interesting will happen.

You could make a long list of everything about The Nutcracker and the Four Realms that feels off (Matthew Macfadyen is creepy and I don’t think he’s supposed to be) or doesn’t make sense but why bother? Even if the impressive visuals could make you overlook all of the flaws, no one would ever hold it close to their heart and call it a favourite. It’s dull and empty; as though it wasn’t even spawned by a committee or focus group, but by a machine. (December 27, 2019)

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moviemunchies · 2 years

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[I’ll admit that I had a lot of trouble writing this review, because fact is that there’s something in the movie that bothered me when I thought about it, even though I overall enjoyed the film. So bear with me as I fumble through this review.]

You remember that time the Allies tricked Nazi Germany by sending a dead body to Spain? No? Well that’s what this movie is about.

In World War II, in order to invade mainland Europe, the Allies decided they’d invade Sicily. But Sicily is the obvious entry point, so they’ve got to convince Nazi Germany that they’re planning on invading Greece instead, so that’s where they put all their troops, leaving Sicily open to invasion.

How to accomplish this? With a dead body of course! They take a corpse, dress it in military uniform to make it look like he’s an officer killed in a plane crash, and plant documents on him indicating that the Allies are planning to go to Greece. While Spain is officially neutral, Nazi Germany has people there that would jump on any information they found that might be useful, so if they can get the corpse there, they can make sure it gets eventually passed to Hitler’s office. So starts the process of creating a believable backstory and set of documents for this body, and then finally getting this body’s documents to Germany, all the while the people working on this plan have their superiors breathing down their necks, incredibly skeptical about whether this will work at all.

The main issue that I have with this movie is that it amps up the drama by adding a love triangle to the story. And that’s a pretty annoying addition. I would let it slide if it was a part of the historical record, but as far as I can tell, it isn’t. The movie’s epilogue tells us what happens to all of the characters after the events of the movie, and it isn’t as if any of the three members of this love triangle end up together. Wikipedia says what I suspected–that the love triangle was invented for the film. I understand that Wikipedia is not necessarily the most reliable source, so maybe that’s wrong, but it certainly sounds correct.

So basically it was invented, For the Dramaz.

Why do espionage dramas feel the need to do this? Turn: Washington’s Spies added a romance subplot that again, didn’t happen, and while it eventually gets out of focus after the first season, it still gets mentioned every so often throughout the show, including in the final moments of the finale. It’s as if there being a war going on, and the risk that our characters get found out, or that their plans don’t work and lead to the destruction of their way of life, isn’t enough! We need to add something else!

Ugh.

I’m sorry. But this is an aspect that’s not in the trailers at all, if I recall correctly. And so watching the film this felt a bit out of nowhere, and I didn’t appreciate it, especially since the ending showed that it was utterly pointless. There is so much to milk drama out of–Montagu’s brother being a Communist sympathizer, Michael’s surviving family trying to figure why they can’t bury his body, Cholmondeley’s efforts to get his brother’s body back, and then Godfrey trying to get Cholmondeley to spy on Montagu—all of this could have been given more screentime, and instead, the stupid love triangle.

Anyhow.

This does have a very likable cast. It’s fun to see these people come together to try to make this implausible plan work, hashing out every contingency and bouncing off of each other. Yes, they’re trying to fool the Nazis, but they’re also people doing their job, and letting out stress by bonding with each other as they do so.

I have been informed that of the leads, two of them are also performers who have played Mr. Darcy in an adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. I haven’t seen either of those adaptations, so I don’t know (Jane Austen’s fine, but not really my jam). It is an interesting little coincidence though. Makes their interactions interesting.

Matthew Macfadyen is particularly interesting in this movie as Cholmondeley because he’s not someone that comes across as a spy or in military intelligence. He’s rather nervous and fidgety. But because of that he’s able to keep coming up with things that need to go right for the plan to work–he’s “preemptively poking holes”, as he says.

Ian Fleming is emphasized a bit in the trailers, and he is in the movie, but nowhere near as much as you’d think considering the advertising. And not enough really–he’s a fun character who lights up every bit of dialogue he gets. It makes sense that he was here–the officer overseeing the entire thing, Admiral Godfrey, who oversaw Montagu, was Fleming’s boss, and often considered the inspiration for ‘M’ in the James Bond stories (something that the movie references).

[Also the real life Godfrey was not a huge fan of this development.]

Speaking of Godfrey, he’s played by Jason Isaacs. He’s fun. Well, no, Godfrey’s not fun, as such, in that he seems an unpleasant fellow to work for and interact with. But Isaacs is having much fun playing him as a complete douchebag who wants this to fail because he thinks it’s a stupid idea. I remember saying to my dad after watching this movie that he’s a douche, and my dad pointed out that it’s Godfrey’s job to be harsh like that. I still maintain he was harsher than necessary, but he does make a fun character to watch on screen.

If you’re super interested in stories about intelligence in World War II you should probably check it out, but if you’re annoyed by unnecessary love triangles, then you may want to skip it. I liked it, but this bugged me a lot too, hence why I wrote more about that than any other one aspect of the movie. I apologize if I made the movie sound bad from that–it’s not, but it is a surprisingly large part of the film, considering that it’s not in the trailers or in real life history. So Your Mileage May Vary on this one.

#Movie Munchies #Operation Mincemeat #World War II #Ian Fleming #spies #Netflix

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tiny-as-a-firely · 1 year

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@incalescentia // prev. post

It was so effortless for Dorothea to let herself slip into Conrad again, only for a while. To let him hold her high heels for her, just like she knew he would, like he had countless wandering nights before. To let herself brush into him occasionally while they walked down the misty streets bathed in glimmering streetlights. Dora said nothing, because she had nothing to say, and because she wanted to take in the moment and itch it into her senses, have this one good thing to remember now that she had her out. The bookstore made her stop, and she let herself get tugged in, allowing hints of who she used to allow herself to be crack through her barriers. She could do this for them - give them one last good night to cherish.

She quietly watches Connie discover, not wanting to interrupt. The timid orange light of the store bathes him in a warm glow, softening his edges, bringing out his sense of wonder. The smell of the old books calms her, reminding her of the endless hours they used to spend in the high school library, giggling over the sexual innuendos in classical literature and reciting love declarations to each other. And in that moment she sees sixteen-year-old Connie, skinny jeans and a hoodie, looking at her with nothing but love and adoration, as if she were the sun.

Dorothea spins quickly, blinking back the tears that threaten to spill over. She forces herself to hold it together, caught off-guard by how much her walls had threatened to come tumbling down in front of him. She couldn’t let her husband see her like that. Dora couldn’t let him see that she was hurting, because she knew that there was nothing in the world that would hurt him more.

“I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day forth.” Dorothea murmurs back to him, reciting the last line of her vows to match. Her eyes catch on what she had been searching for since they walked in, a copy of Pride & Prejudice, reaching to pull it off the shelf and run her fingers along the cover. Conrad had at one time given her endless playful grief over it since it was a quote from the movie, not the book. And truly, after her massive crush on Matthew Macfadyen in that movie, he should have seen it coming.

Dora walks back to where Conrad stands and delicately pulls the second edition of Dickens off of the shelf, tucking both books carefully against her chest as she reaches to take hold of Connie’s hand in her other. It strikes her for a moment that she can’t remember the last time she reached out first. Burying that thought for later, she leads him through the winding bookshelves and up a small set of stairs to an alcove that she had spotted upon arriving. A small wooden table is in the corner with two chairs, a warm lamp turned on and illuminating the spot. She releases his hand to pull a chair out and take a seat, setting the books down delicately, side-by-side, as she waits for Conrad to sit. “I’m glad that we found each other too.” It’s the purest truth that she has to offer him at the moment, because for all that they’ve been through, there had once been happiness, and she would never have that undone.

Dora reaches to tuck a floppy piece of his hair behind his ear. She gives him a soft smile before shrugging off her oversized jacket, allowing it to drape across the seat behind her. She scoots her chair a couple of times to be closer to her husband, arms reaching to gently wrap around his bicep in an embrace. “Will you read to me, Connie? Like old times?”

#second third and hundredth chances #dorothea #dorothea x conrad #pain #a present for u friend pls enjoy suffering

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poquito-burrito · 2 years

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Unpopular Movie Opinion

I don't like Joe Wright's Pride and Prejudice.

Don't get me wrong, it's a very aesthetically pleasing, beautiful movie. As in : the color palette is delightful, the costumes are beautiful -even tho they're nowhere near accurate for the era, I believe it doesn't always have to be about accuracy as long as they fit the atmosphere designed by the director, Keira Knightley is the ultimate period piece actress, and the scene where Charlotte's like "I'm 27y-o" is really funny.

However, i have 2 main critiques for this movie, my first one being Mr Darcy. I'm so sorry to say this but, to me, there was no tension whatsoever between him and Elizabeth. Matthew Macfadyen just didn't feel like a good match for the character. In my eyes, he looked emotionless in the first half of the movie, and not in a "I'm not stooping so low as to befriend these people" type of emotionless but in a "no thoughts in my brain" type. And then it all shifts and he starts loving her and even then, I didn't see all I needed to see in his eyes. I'm inclined to compare him to Colin Firth, because to me, he's the absolute best match for Mr Darcy. I could see the latent interest in his eyes, so well camouflaged beneath the haughtiness and the cold exterior. His performances for the proposals were breath-taking. I could see the urge, the inner-conflict and self-hate in the first one, while also discerning the strange admiration towards Elizabeth he himself didn't understand. Then I could see the tender vulnerability and humbleness in the second proposal. Now I'm not saying the BBC version was great, it was flawed in many ways : it felt more like a play than a series (static framing, bad audio with a lot of echo, theatricality in the way the actors were directed...etc) but it has two things it does better than the movie : its Mr Darcy, and the way it handled time.

This takes me to my second point : the movie felt rushed. It's really hard to deal with time in cinema. You have to make the plot move, scene by scene, without having them be too long or too short, while giving a sense of the time-range the movie happens in (is it weeks? Months? Years?) and keeping a general steady pace so as to not make it feel like some passages of time flew by while others dragged on. It's really tricky, and I completely get that the BBC version is a series, it handled time much more differently than the movie which is why I won't compare the two. I'll just say that the movie rushed the plot. At least that's how I felt.

The combination of the bad time-management and the fact that I felt nothing coming from Darcy all just concluded to "it doesn't make sense that he all of a sudden loves her". And that, to me, is a prime exemple of a bad enemies-to-lovers. If I'm asking myself how we got to the loving part, it means that it wasn't done properly.

Ultimately, adaptations are a tricky thing. I'm not hating on this movie or discrediting any of the work that went into it, I'm just not a fan of it. Doesn't mean that people that like it have bad taste or anything. I just had this unpopular opinion that I didn't wanna share without any explanation.

... Anyways, that scene when he holds her hand to help her into a carriage and then stretches the hand that grabbed hers like he could still feel the warmth of her palm and the weight of her fingers lingering there. That. That was a GREAT scene. I'll shut up now.

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jaggedlittleteacup · 2 years

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La Lista de DILF

In case you thought I couldn’t be more deranged, fuck you! I’m making a list (subject to change based on popular demand) of (in my opinion) the top ten Old Tumblr Men™️ in film, theatre, or television.

(Imagine the narrating voice like that girl from WatchMojo.)

1. Martin Freeman

If looks could kill, we’d all be dead. This silver fox may have been a late bloomer, but bloom he did- the man’s only gotten better with age (and greying hair), and I don’t think anyone else could possibly make number one on this list.

2. Hamish Linklater

One might say he’s new in town, but Hamish is here to stay. With his fame as the middle-aged (and, frankly, quite tempting) priest in Midnight Mass taking Tumblr by storm, he’s a relative newbie. He just keeps on comin’- and hopefully, we’ll see more performances (and appearances) by this devilishly handsome man.

3. Misha Collins

How could I make this list without mentioning one of Tumblr’s favourite (and most deranged) sexymen? Misha has caused the most trouble on here since the ball pit™️ incident, and he doesn’t show signs of stopping anytime soon. But, well, hey- who doesn’t like a tease?

4. Paul Rudd

Who knew, right? But he’s been crowned The Sexiest Man Alive, so this list couldn’t possibly avoid having him on it. Heartthrob in the 90s, he’s aged fantastically well- I mean, look at that beard!

5. Mads Mikkelsen

Truly a testament to the psychotic nature of Tumblr users that we’ve fallen for the man who can’t help but play absolutely gorgeous villains. He may not look the part, but something about that charisma is just so very…appetising. (Pardon the pun.)

6. Matthew Macfadyen

You may know him as Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, but he’s recently gone wild as the absolute jerk, Tom Wambsgans from Succession. Whether people want to shake him around in a Pringles can, or punch him in the face, he’s very quickly becoming a Tumblr favourite.

7. Benadryl Cabbagepatch

(Sorry, did I- is that spelled right?)

…Sorry, folks, I’ve been told it’s actually “Benedict Cumberbatch.” No matter what his name is, we can rest assured knowing that he’s safely made it onto this list- and made it he has, because no matter how odd (or vaguely Dennis Quaid-ian) he looks, his smooth and posh accent and unwavering grace is definitely one to remember.

8. Daniel Craig

This English charmer was sure to make it on this list. (Funnily enough, he’s joining his Casino Royale co-star, Mads Mikkelsen.) Five Bonds and counting, and he’s still got it. And, wow, look at those eyes-

9. Rupert Graves

He’s not very well-known, but you’ve probably seen V for Vendetta, Maurice, or Sherlock- so at least one of his ‘incarnations’. Whatever it is, he’s aged phenomenally and gosh, aren’t we glad for it?

10. Lin-Manuel Miranda

I can explain. Okay, no I can’t. But he’s so adorable and grey-sweatered that leaving him off this list would be a crime. *hums ‘What the Heck I Gotta Do’*

And that’s my ten! Let me know in the notes if you have any other suggestions or replacements!

#jalexandria #top ten #lists #lin manuel miranda #benedict cumberbatch #tw benedict cumberbatch #martin freeman #celebs #rupert graves #mads mikkelsen #matthew macfadyen #paul rudd #misha collins #hamish linklater

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reputayswift · 2 years

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Ah please share more of your takes on Wuthering Heights for us WH stans, I’d love to see it

ANON! I just finished last night and loved it! I had a little trouble getting my bearings in the beginning but once I was able to sort out the POVs and distinguish between the Earnshaws, Heathcliffs, and Lintons I was IN (and then they named one of the kids Linton Heathcliff…One Tree Hill prepared me for this moment). Anyway here is my Goodreads review:

Let’s get into it.

Emily said here are your two main POV characters, Lockwood is vain and judgmental and New Here and Nelly Knows All but plays favorites. Good luck!

Wuthering Heights has everything I love in a story. Goths, gossips, ghosts, liars, vain people, selfish people, annoying people, pathetic people, parallels, multigenerational family drama and, the greatest of these, love <3

I made a handy chart

(Disclaimer: Tom Hardy is not my ideal Heathcliff but he is the funniest to look at)

ON THAT NOTE: Heathcliff being othered for not being the picture of a (pale-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed) Englishman is so central to his character but most adaptations just slap a wig on a blue-eyed white guy? Which brings me to my next point:

THE TWILIGHT THING: So Stephenie Meyer references Wuthering Heights pretty heavily in the Twilight books and aside from having Bella shut the book once because Edgar and Edward sound similar, she INSISTS Edward is Heathcliff and Jacob is Edgar. Iirc there’s even a scene in Eclipse where Bella finds that Edward left the book open to the page where Heathcliff is saying he’d “[drink] [Edgar’s] blood” if Catherine didn’t care for him. But a few vampire/cannibal references does not a strong parallel make!! I could go on about this but basically I just don’t understand how Stephenie saw Catherine marry Edgar (the pale, wealthy, Perfect Gentleman love interest) and die while giving birth to his (“angelic”) child and then said actually Edward is Heathcliff GSIDHD Like WHAT? Is Bella named Isabella because Isabella marries Heathcliff??? I’m team Jacob btw.

Catherine came, she gave all of the most quoted lines within the span of three pages, she died <3 (and left Heathcliff forever changed!)

Do you like dramatic irony? Well do I have a treat for you!

Credit to @julesblackthorns for capturing that, I’m gonna plug her playlist <3

I wish I had Cathy (Jr.)‘s schedule (read, imagine, take my pony out to look at birds’ nests)

The running gag that everyone is repulsed by Hareton even though he’s (according to Nelly) a handsome boy that just can’t dress or read…

*happily socializing with Hareton* “that’s your cousin btw” “TAKE IT BACK I CAN’T—🤢😩 TAKE THAT BACK RN.”

Also they cast Matthew Macfadyen to play him (not pictured: Matthew Macfadyen playing him)

The word “sl*t” was used more times than I anticipated (the times I anticipated? Zero!)

I genuinely thought there was going to be a plot twist where Linton was revealed to be Not Heathcliff’s bc they drew so much attention to how he looks NOTHING like Heathcliff and I was like what are the chances Heathcliff is a carrier for blonde hair and blue eyes 🤔 Small problem:

The Cathy and Linton plot is very sweet until it very isn’t </3

The Cathy and Hareton plot is very distressing until it very isn’t <3

That moment when Cathy and Hareton are giddily reading together and both glance up at Heathcliff and Heathcliff sees Catherine’s eyes twice

Hareton x Cathy Jr. is perhaps the second best ship involving book-reading cousins

I like to imagine ghost!Heathcliff x Catherine are living up to their full Gomez and Morticia potential

“I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you // Give me just a chance, you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you”

#love asks that just wind me up and watch me go #wuthering heights #tays takes #anon #ask #asks

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mrdarcygenderenvy · 2 years

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2005 Joe Wright Pride & Prejudice (ranked out of 10 on my own esoteric metrics)

As Pride & Prejudice-s go, this is the Big One for a lot of people my age. It’s a classic and I have Opinions.

IN SHORT: The film is full of disgustingly lovely visuals and COMMITTED TO THE ROMANCE/ YEARNING to a degree I frankly respect. Immaculate vibes in individual scenes. Lbr, 2020 Emma wishes it had the energy of this film.

Extra credit: Romantic Horniness rating

The unashamed breathless horniness of this Mr Darcy is the defining feature of this film to me and also the film knows it. CONSIDER: the first proposal being a 100% ‘staring at each others lips angrily’ scene in the rain, the classique hand flex after he helps Elizabeth into a carriage, the mystifying choice to have him wandering the moors tits-out in the sunrise, and then fate wafts Lizzie out there too and the two of them practically try to eat/ make out with the sun like a leaning tower of Pisa photo op.

Every creative choice in this film is towards its own idea of what’s pretty and sexy - even if for me, that actually most closely lines up with my personal aesthetic when the thing they have a big hard on for is ‘shots of a lake in afternoon light’ and ‘cool rocks in the peak district’.

mmm

FAST TAKES - The (UK) ending is mystifyingly abrupt - The sisters’ casting is bang on, especially Rosamund Pike Jane (EFFERVESCENT) - Wickham barely gets a look in because everything’s too busy looking beautifully lit but maybe that’s okay - Why is Caroline Bingley wearing a sleeveless dress A CLASSIC

Wildness: 6/10. Yes, it’s a horny romance adaptation of a book whose main appeal is not necessarily romance, and what’s more classic hollywood than that. BUT ALSO, think about the swing scene where Lizzie spins a bit and the seasons pass, the choice to have a pig walking through the house and prominent pig balls shot, and the admirably bold idea of prioritising a long continuous shots of ‘lake’ and ‘in and out of the windows of the house’ over bothering to flesh out Wickham or Mary or explain why Lizzie is inside Darcy’s house. Also, the ‘sculpture gallery, having a big wank over classicism and colonial spoils’ vibe bit of Darcy’s house MAY BE in a real old house, but it fully looks like they’ve teleported to the modern day british museum in a piece of masterful surrealism. This film is fervently here for the aesthetic above all else, including things making sense, and surely there’s a feral energy to that.

LAKE!!!!

Mr Darcy gender envy rating: 4/10. I do not personally find Matthew Macfadyen attractive and I’m pride and prejudiced against this era’s hair. That said, he is tall, which I do envy, and he is a bit pathetic, which I relate to.

(TANGENT, I’m arguably more envious of his cheating, boisterous, lusciously moustachio’d avatar in 2012 Anna Karenina, a very theatrically visually lovely adaptation by the same director where him and Kiera Knightley are brother and sister both giving sort of ‘fun horny fuckup’ vibes. If you liked this P&P, I recommend this film. Also do you think despite Jude Law always having nasty energy, he only started being increasingly cast as evil as his hairline receded because society is terrible? I’M GETTING OFF TRACK.)

How much I have a crush on Elizabeth rating: 8/10, Kiera Knightley is obviously a babe but as a young teenager I was definitely more emotionally overcome by seeing her being a pirate

Shoutout to: That fucking great tree Elizabeth sits on in Derbyshire. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SCENE OF THE FILM IT’S SUCH A GOOD TREE

Also shoutout to the Lady Catherine Reveal scene that my partner thinks is really funny because they really linger on revealing it’s Judi Dench. Like ‘guess who we fucking got…… wait for it…. JUDI DENCH, BABY!!!!’ and then she’s sitting in this insane room of paintings which I guess is just the fanciest filming location they could find, who needs context

OVERALL RATING: a wet horny classic

#pride and prejudice #pride and prejudice 2005 #pride & prejudice #austen adaptations #mr darcy #i didnt say i had good opinions. only that i had opinions

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