#i continue to have a lot of feelings about Ashton | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bartxnhood · 8 months

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you belong with me | l.r.h

luke hemmings x fem!songwriter!reader

summary: after luke finds out just what your song was about, his life was flipped upside down.

warnings: unrequited love, break up, lots of crying, happy ending (who cheered)

wc: 6k

a/n: this is a part two to this so be sure to read that before !

requests open

not proofread

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you sigh as you put your earbuds in to tune out the sound of the man in the front seat belting the lyrics of ‘we belong together’ by mariah carey with the brunette in the passenger seat.

you couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on the man. his blond, curly hair, just long enough to rest above his eyes, the stubble on his face that hadn’t been shaven in at least two weeks, that pointy nose that was sculpted by the gods, and those ocean blue eyes.

you loved looking into those eyes.

he was your best friend, he was the one constant in your life and now he feels like a stranger.

you’re taken out of your trance when calum nudges your shoulder. “you okay?” he mouths. you nod quickly offering him a smile, looking back down to the book you were reading.

calum sighs, he reaches for his phone and types up a quick message.

-“you sure? you were staring again, y/n..”

-“i’m fine, cal. swear.”

calum huffs but leaves it at that. the two in the front continue belting out the lyrics and calum keeps an eye on you for the rest of the drive.

you should’ve said no, you wanted to say no and stay home where at least you’d be free of the torture. but, with calum being calum he begged you until you agreed. just like he did when he convinced you to open up for them on tour in the early days.

if you had said no then, maybe none of this would’ve happened.

”luke..i..” you wiped your eyes, it was so hard for you to hear that when you had spent all your life with him only to lose him in the end. “i’m sorry.”

luke shook his head, “no, i’m sorry.”

he stands there, looking at you with sorrowful eyes. he can feel himself tearing up but the moment is interrupted by sierra busting through the door. “there you are!” she says, walking over to your side, her hand finding your arm. “are you okay, hon?” her eyes soften, noticing your tears.

you don’t say anything but you nod, looking away while the girl side hugs you. “did luke bother you? i told him specifically to not take away your spotlight tonight” she says in a teasing matter and you laugh softly. but luke doesn’t seem too amused.

“okay, well the guys are ready so whenever you’re ready, luke” sierra says, removing herself from your side then going back inside the club.

“so, what should we do?” luke ask, watching as you wipe your eyes once more. you shrug, “nothing, you’re with sierra. my feelings mean nothing anymore.”

your eyes flutter open as you feel someone shaking you gently, “y/n, wake up we made it” you look at calum then begin stretching out as you look around. you see the tall palm trees as you can smell the breeze of saltwater wafting in from the open doors.

you step out of the vehicle and begin stretching while the others, ashton, michael, and crystal arrive in the other car as you gather your items from the backseat and pack them into your carry on, luke has already begun unpacking the car. “here’s your bags, y/n” he says, you don’t skip a beat to bend down to take your bags and head for the entrance of the beach house and not bat an eye at him.

calum and ashton shared a room, the two couples had their own room, so you were left alone. not that you minded at all, it gave you time to think and have you time. if it ever got too overwhelming, you had your own space.

after spending some time unpacking, you decided to head out of your room and put your toiletries in the bathroom. as you stepped out, you saw everyone gathered around the island in the kitchen, sierra jutting down whatever the other guys were saying. “oh! y/n!” ashton announces which then causes the others to look your way. “we’re making a grocery list. is there anything specific you need?” he adds.

you walk over to the island, standing across from them. “well, what do you have down so far?”

“we have breakfast foods…um some stuff for dinner for the nights we don’t eat out…snacks…” sierra begins listing off everything she had written down with a point of the pen.

“sounds like you got everything then” you hum, with a nod. “one more thing” she adds, “do you care to go with me?”

you look at the sierra across from you and smile softly, “sure. is crystal going too?” the brunette shakes her head, “her and mike went to the beach already. just us two” she smiles awkwardly. “oh, that’s fine. let me get changed and we can head out” you force a smile as you walk out of the kitchen to your bedroom.

the drive to the supermarket was quiet, your eyes glued to the road while sierra did whatever she was doing. given the circumstances, there was a little tension between the two of you and it was very hard for you to deal with.

you really liked sierra, she was a kind soul who saw the good in a lot of things. she had always been there to cheer you up, and you had considered her your best friend. but after that night at the open mic, everything changed.

the drive felt like it lasted forever, but eventually, you arrived at the supermarket.

pushing the shopping cart through the isles while sierra was looking at the list, you occasionally would drop some items in the basket that you wanted for yourself or, you and sierra both agreed on it.

“i really miss hanging out with you..” sierra says, standing at the end of the shopping cart in the drink aisle with you.

you look at her, smiling sadly. “i know, i miss it too. just..work has been..work” you try laughing it off. “i can help, you know. i write songs too” she says. you nod, dropping a case of wine in the cart. “i know, i just don’t want to bother you” you shrug, and begin pushing the cart until the next isle.

you hear sierra sigh, giving you the‘you sound ridiculous’. look. “y/n, it won't bother me! you’re my friend and i’d love to help out” you chuckle softly, “okay fine. after this trip we’ll work together.” you cave, and sierra claps her hands quietly with a big smile on her lips.

as the two of you stroll down the isle of chips and other snacks, your eyes catch the package of a certain snack you hadn’t seen in years. “oh my god!” you announce, letting go of the cart to pickup the bag. “what is it?” the other girl asks. “look” you say, showing the bag to her. “i haven’t seen these in years!”

memories wash over you like a wave as you stare at the packaging. “what are they?” she questions. “these are luke’s favorite! back on tour, we used to keep stashes of these in the bus” you laugh, grabbing an extra bag to also put it in the cart. “we could eat up to two or three bags in a day, the other guys would always get onto us..” you laugh, reminiscing.

“oh really?” sierra didn’t know this. she didn’t know his favorite snacks or drinks. she didn’t know how he would bounce his leg when he had a lyric on his mind and needed to write it down, she didn’t know that when he picked at his face subconsciously it meant he was worried. she didn’t know luke’s favorite movie, she didn’t know that he only wears certain rings, rings you got him. she didn’t know that when luke got quiet it meant he was thinking hard about something. she doesn’t know that luke keeps a song journal with some of his deepest feelings.

but you do.

you know all of this.

by the time you and sierra had arrived at the beach house, the sky was already turning dark. you had taken a couple of bags out of the back and began heading inside. “guys, we need help” you announce, dropping the bags on the kitchen counter.

you turn around see the other five standing up from their seats and going outside, and you follow suit.

it took you, sierra, and the other five to haul the rest of the groceries back inside and to unpack. but thankfully, it was only one trip.

while sierra was handing you boxes of cereal, luke hollered, “oh my god!” everyone whips their heads around, startled by his abrupt yell. “what is it?” ashton asks, and luke grinned holding up the bag of snacks before ripping into them letting the smell waft into his nostrils, letting the memories flood back. “it’s the snacks we used to eat!”

you smile, seeing his reaction as he reaches in for a handful, stuffing it in his mouth. “where did you find these? i thought they discontinued them!” he says with a mouth full.

you laugh, walking over and take a couple for yourself. “dont talk with your mouth full, and don’t eat em all because once that bag is gone, you’re donezo. the other one is mine” you taunt earning a frown the from curly-haired man.

sierra watches, she sees how his eye has lit up. she sees and you were suddenly beaming with happiness upon seeing lukes smile.

the next evening, everyone had wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate your second album as a release party. you, however, wanted to stay back as you weren't feeling it but ashton practically demanded and dragged you out of bed and told you to get ready. “okay, okay!! i’ll get ready..” you groan as ashton pushes you into the bathroom, you can hear a victory laugh from him as the door shuts.

you look up, seeing yourself in the mirror knowing you should be excited to go out and celebrate the release of your second album. you had a good following and people who were anticipating your release. but you just weren’t feeling it, probably because all of the songs were about your best friend.

but, you just weren’t looking forward to dinner or the release party.

you step out of your bedroom smoothing out your dress, which is a dark navy blue. you see everyone else standing in the kitchen or sitting on the sofa in their outfits. the guys in their suits, and crystal and sierra in a dress similar to yours, but crystals was red, and sierra was black.

“ready? oh? you’re matching with luke!” ashton laughs, as he stands up from the sofa, pointing to luke’s tie.

you look at luke’s tie, feeling extra awkward now, “oh..” you say. “you okay?” calum asks, “yup, everyone ready?” you change the subject, and they all nod and head out for the night.

all seven of you sat together at a large table at a nice restaurant, ashton and calum had planned it nicely and were sure that the table was in a private area.

you had already finished appetizers when michael spoke up. “do you remember when we first toured?” he asks.

“yeah..” calum and ashton say, you nod. “what was your favorite part of tour?” he asks. everyone falls silent while they think, “definitely all the drinking” calum answers, you laugh and shake your head, “you were a nightmare.”

“definitely” luke agrees with you.

“oh, soundchecks were fun. messing with managers” michael answers.

“i liked songwriting, i wrote some of my favorite songs on tour with you guys.” you smile, remembering all the good times. “performing was kinda cool too” you laugh.

everyone smiles, you hear calums ‘aw’ and you just roll your eyes.

“what about you, luke?” ashton asks.

luke thinks for a moment, but he isn’t too sure how to answer it. “i think i enjoyed performing the most, it was good experience.” michael nods, “true” he agrees.

then the table falls silent again when entrees arrive. everyone seems to be enjoying their food, until, crystal asks you, “y/n, who did you write your songs about?”

you look up from your plate, you feel your ears turning hot. you always hated this question because how could you tell them it was about the man who was sitting just a few feet from you?

“well..” you begin, finishing your bite. “it’s not really about anyone. it’s just a feeling you have” you try your best to come up with something believable. “that way, anyone can relate to what i release.” you smile, but you feel luke’s eyes lingering on your figure.

you look out of the corner of your eye and confirm your suspicions. he was looking at you.

“ah, that makes sense!” crystal smiles, “your work is incredible.”

“thank you, crys”

it was nearing midnight now, closer to your release time. instead of the restaurant you had moved to a club just a few streets over which was also set up for your release party.

ashton was by your side as you enter, letting the couples go in first, then you, ashton, and calum. you look around and see some old faces and friends.

“do you want anything?” calum asks as the two of you stand at the bar. you shake your head, “nah, i’ll pass” you smile while taking a seat at the bar. calum nods, respecting your wishes as he orders himself a drink. you sit there playing on your phone to pass the time until it hits midnight. throughout the night you have people coming up to you and congratulating you on your album, and you just smile and nod. soon enough, midnight rolls around and you hear cheers and ashton appears from what seems like thin air with a cake while congratulating you. you smile, standing up from the bar stool.

“congratulations on your album, y/n/n! we are so proud of you and we can’t wait to see where life takes you!” ashton says, you feel yourself getting emotional seeing all of your friends around you. “we love you!” you hear michael cheer which causes you to giggle before blowing out the candles.

as you leaned in to blow out the candles everything felt like it happened so quickly. a very, very drunk man showed up out of nowhere yelling profanities at your before pushing the cake on you. “and fuck you, you whore-“ he continued until a someone interfered. you see luke out of the corner of your eye, yelling at him to shut up and throwing a few punches in.

you didn’t move, feeling so embarrassed. you look down seeing all the cake on your skin and dress.

sierra and crystal rush to your side and take you away to the bathroom to get you cleaned up.

you were perched up on the counter, both sierra and crystal were trying their best to clean your dress and fix your makeup but you had already started crying.

“why would someone do that?” you ask, feeling so small.

“i don’t know, hon..” sierra sighs, as she wipes off the icing on your face. “people are just jerks..” crystals adds.

thankfully the cake didn’t get on your dress as much as it was on your face. the two other girls let you borrow their makeup once all of the cake was gone so you could try to enjoy the rest of your day.

“thank you guys, i don’t know what i would do you without you” you smile, hugging the two girls before heading back to the club floor.

you spot luke at the bar with michael and walk up, standing beside michael. you order yourself a shot of whatever came to mind first. “you’re drinking? i thought you hated it” michael asks, eyeing as you downed the shot.

“yeah, well, after the fiasco that just happened, i need to let loose for the night”

luke should’ve stopped you after your fifth shot, but he didn’t. he let you drink and he was now paying the price for doing so.

luke knew you better than anyone else, he knew you hated drinking because of the way it made you act and how you felt afterward.

he stares as you dance with an old friend and when he starts touching you a little too much, luke saw red.

he didn’t even realize what he was doing until you were yelling his name. he lets go of the guy and turns to you, “are you okay?” he asks. “luke?! what the fuck?!” you yell, stumbling back a little, and luke catches you. “you’re drunk” luke says, “obviously” you slur followed by a sigh as you finish the rest of your drink.

“okay, i think you’re done. we should head home” he suggested while taking your hand and leading you through the crowd of people to gather up the rest of your group.

you don’t protest, in fact, you are excited to head back home and sleep away the night and hopefully forget everything that happened.

the night has come to an end, and you all had finally returned to the beach house. the seven of you all sat around a bonfire talking about life and what they want in the future. you were seated a few feet from the group, admiring the stars, and how clearly you could see them.

the sudden hit of a soccer ball caught your attention and you followed the direction where the ball had rolled from and your eyes landed on calum and ashton. “cmon” calum says, extending his hand you want to say no because you can feel a headache forming, but calum beats you. “you can’t say no. get up”

you groan, letting him take your hand and drag you in the sand to kick the soccer ball around before all of you head in for the night.

luke didn’t know how long he was watching you. but what he did know, is just how bad he wished he was the one you making laugh like calum does. luke wants to be the one helping you from the sand like ashton does.

his body longs for your touch as his heart yearns for your love.

sierra watched as he was eyeing you, he looked at you like you were the only person in the world. he was starstruck when it came to you, his y/n. everyone saw it except maybe you, and himself.

he’d never admit it though, for the sake of sierra.

but what he didn’t know is that she knew she would never replace you in his heart. luke didn’t know she had already made up her mind about their relationship.

“luke..” she speaks up while leaning in, in hopes of getting his attention. luke is pulled out of whatever trance he was in and finally looks at the girl. “yeah?” he asks, looking as if he had just come off cloud nine after hearing your laugh. “we need to talk.”

luke nods, “is everything okay?” he asks, turning his body to fully face his girlfriend. as sierra is about to begin speaking she is interrupted by ashton, who had his arm around your shoulder. “you all coming?” luke’s eyes land on you, naturally. he sees that you didn’t even bother to look at him, he looked disappointed. “we’ll catch up later.”

luke watches as you disappear over the sand dunes and his eyes finally land on sierra. “what’s up?” he asks, noticing sierras blank expression.

she takes in a long breath, trying to find the right words without hurting his feelings. “i don’t think this is gonna work out.. between us” she confesses, feeling the tears threatening to spill in her eyes. “what..? why..?” asks luke.

“because you don’t love me.”

“what? sierra, i do-“

“no, luke” she cuts him off, smiling softly. “you don’t, and it’s okay.” she takes his hand and holds it softly. “i should’ve known i couldn’t take her place in your heart.” “what..?”

“y/n.” sierra answers, fighting back the tears. “i see the way you look at her, you have that look in your eyes every time they land on her. you love her and you need to admit that to yourself.” and it was true, but luke had tried and thought that he had hid his feelings for you, but he was unsuccessful.

“i can’t be her, i can’t force you to love me, luke.”

“sierra..” he sighs, feeling ashamed.

“luke..look at me” she takes her hands, cupping his chin so he would look at her. “last night, when you came to her rescue i knew in that moment..”

“it’s okay, luke. we just aren’t meant to be. you deserve someone who can make you happy, and she does.”

her thumb caresses his cheek, admiring all of his beauty as a tear slips from her eyes. “i’m sorry that i can’t be the one in your heart.” she presses a kiss on his nose before standing up from her seat, leaving luke alone on the beach that night.

the next morning, your eyes are met with the excruciating pain in your temples as your eyes flutter open, meeting with the sunlight peaking in from the curtains. groaning, you throw your arm over your eyes to try to help with the light and you are reminded why you hated drinking so much.

you heard a few soft knocks at your door, “come in” you announce groggily. calum peeks his head in, “hey, we’re all heading out. you gonna join?” he asks. you remove your arm from your eyes and barely open them. you ask,“what time is it?” and calum laughs quietly . “it’s after five. you’ve slept most of the day.”

you sigh, “i’ll just stay back.” you answer and hear a quiet “okay” from calum as he exits your bedroom, closing the door behind him.

you lie there for a while before eventually getting up to shower, in hopes it would make you feel a little better.

meanwhile, the others had all gone out bowling per the request of michael and ashton even though it was pretty late in the day.

calum wanted to stay back, he hated the idea of going out without you because he knew how bad your hangovers could be but he went, not wanting ashton to third wheel alone.

when they arrived at the bowling alley, it was pretty busy, they found a lane and started a few games. but everyone seemed to be off, calum couldn’t put his finger on it, maybe it was the fact that you weren’t here, or the fact they were all still a tad hungover. so, with only a few games in, they all decided to leave and head back to the rental house to watch a movie and make dinner instead.

when they all arrive back, they do their own thing. crystal and michael head to the patio for a couple of drinks, ashton goes to the living room, calum makes a b-line to the kitchen, sierra goes to her bedroom, and luke attempts to look for you. hoping to clear the air between the two of you.

“wheres y/n?” luke asks, noticing the door to your bedroom was wide open and you were nowhere else to be found. ashton looks around, shrugging as he plops down on the sofa. “maybe she’s at the beach” the drummer suggests. “she didn’t text me.” calum announces from the kitchen, looking for some snacks. luke checks his phone, sending you a message but when you don’t reply he decides to look for you himself.

you sat on the beach, your feet in the cool sand while you were scribbling away in your journal, this whole trip you felt so trapped and so empty. feeling as if you had lost your best friend over something so stupid you tried to push away those feelings, but in doing so you were jeopardizing your friendship with luke and sierra. pushing them out of your life pretty much.

you were so engrossed with your writing, you didn’t even notice the tall blond heading your way.

“there you are!” he announces, jogging to your side. “i was looking everywhere for you!” you look up from your book, seeing luke and immediately shutting it. “well, you found me” you answer, a bit harsher. you hear a sigh from luke, “y/n, are we ever going to talk this out?” he asks, you stand up from the shore and dust the sand off of you. “there’s nothing to talk about, luke.”

actually, there was. you wanted to scream at him, you wanted to pour your heart out and tell him how much you loved him. how your heart aches for him, how your body yearns for his touch.

but you don’t, you simply begin walking off but he stops you. “y/n.” he reaches out and grabs your wrist gently.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, and once you turn around he drops his arms to his side but his look is fierce. he was staring through you. “you left me in the dark, y/n..how was i supposed to know?”

you groan, letting your head fall back. “luke, i’m sorry. okay?” you raise your head and look at him. “and this isn’t all on me, either. you didn’t tell me your feelings either.”

“well who did you think all of those songs we wrote together were about?!” luke asks, raising his voice slightly.

“i don’t know luke! i was too worried that if i said something wrong or if i slipped up i would lose my best friend!” you tell, the pain filled your chest and you felt yourself explode like a shaken soda bottle.

“i was worried that if i made the impression that i even had the slightest crush on you, you’d leave me, luke. you were the one thing in my life that kept me grounded. you were my everything, you were the air in my lungs, my heart was beating for you. so, i’m sorry, luke that i maybe didn’t catch the hint. i was scared.”

luke blinks, his heart racing as you begin spilling out all your thoughts.

“why?” was all he asked.

“because i thought i wasn’t good enough for you, luke. i was never the pretty one, i wasn’t like the other girls. i was always the one who people settled for. and when sierra came into the picture, it was worse. when you started seeing her, i would see the way you looked at her. and it hurt me so bad, lu. because i wanted you to look at me like that, i want you to want me like you want her.” you didn’t even notice the tears flowing down your cheeks.

“what?” in an effort to understand what he had just heard, his blue eyes were filled with devastation . did you really mean what you said? “y/n…did you really feel like that? i made you feel like that?” he feels his heart breaking into small pieces. luke stares at you intently as you speak, he wants to reach out and wrap you in his arms. he wants to take away all your pain, he thinks it’s unfair you have been suffering all this time.

“you’re a rockstar, luke. of course i felt that way, i couldn’t compete with all the girls who threw themselves at you when we were on tour, and then when sierra came into the picture everything just shattered..” you wipe away the tears using the sleeves of your shirt. you had told yourself you didn’t want to break down in front of him like this, but it was inevitable.

you sigh, trying to compose yourself as luke takes a few steps closer, and when his hand touches yours, you feel the wave of sadness hit you again.

“i see the way she looks at you luke, she’s so in love with you and it kills me.” you feel the lump in your throat, and your lip quivers, but you continue. “i can’t stand to be around you two, but i can’t stand to be away from you, because i still love you so much, luke.”

his hand touches your cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears staining your cheek. for a moment, when you look at him you could only wish he was yours. you felt at home when touched you so gingerly, and how his ocean eyes looked over you like you were the only girl in the world.

your hand reaches up, takes his, and removes it from your face. “you two deserve to be together. she loves you luke, i can push my feelings down. i can’t do that to her.” you say, ready to act like this never happened and you would go back to how things were.

abruptly, luke speaks. “she broke up with me.”

your heart sinks, and you feel dizzy. were you hearing things? “what..?” you say, just above a whisper. “last night” he continues, sighing as he did.

“during the bonfire, i guess i..i was staring at you and she went on this rant about how she knows that i love you.” now, you see luke’s eyes brimming with tears. his voice wavers, he sniffles once trying to suppress the tears. “and she’s right, i do love you.” he admits. “luke..i..”

“no. please, just listen to me.” the blond cuts you off, his eyes closing as he takes a deep breath. “i can’t do this anymore, i can’t pretend to love someone else when im still so in love with you.”

luke continues, his hands balled by his side. “i feel so complete with you around, and i can’t take it when you act like we aren’t close. i can’t keep pretending.”

“you are my everything, and it hurts me that i can’t be with you.” his hand is over his heart, feeling the aching feeling he has been living with since that night. “i dream of you, all i do is dream of you. i can’t get you out of my head. so, please don’t push me away. let me love you.”

your mind was racing as you stared at him wide-eyed. unable to process the words he had uttered, “i can’t do this right now..” you take a few steps back, “just..” you shake your head leaving luke stranded on the beach.

luke watches your figure disappear. his chest tightens, thinking he had just lost you for good now. he thinks you blame yourself for his breakup. when you walk away he can’t help but think you hate him more than you already did.

luke sits down in the sand, facing the ocean now. he wants to scream at the horizon, he wants the world, the gods, the universe to know just how much he loves you.

he can’t bare the thought of losing you again.

luke has so much love for you, he knows everything about you. he wants to know the things that maybe you have kept hidden from him. he wants you to want him back. luke wants to make up for all of his mistakes, fix things, and give you the love you deserve.

but, if you don’t feel like that…he would have to respect your decision.

you enter the house, seeing ashton on the sofa with calum with a few beers in their hands. “oh, hey, there you are. luke went looking for you” calum says once you enter the door. “yeah, he found me” you say, setting your book on the table and scanning the room. “wheres sierra?” you ask, ashton looks up from his phone and says, “her bedroom, but she was acting kinda weird today..” you nod, “okay, thanks”

you stand in front of the door and mentally prepare yourself for possibly the worst fight you’d ever have. you knock a few times, “sierra?” you announce letting her know it was you. you heard a soft, “come in” and you twisted the door non letting yourself in.

you see her figure sitting on the twin bed closest to the window, you walk over to sit on the edge and that’s when you notice the tears staining her cheeks.

“sierra..” you say, as you look at her. but she smiles sadly, “i’m not mad at you, if that’s the reason your here” her voice was cracking and it was very obvious she had been crying for some time. “i..” you start, handing your head. “i’m so sorry.” you mutter, feeling your lip quiver.

you had been crying most of this trip. you wish you could just get a grip and stop acting so childish.

“stop..” she says reaching for your hand. “it’s okay, i knew. i’ve known it since the beginning. i knew what i was getting myself into. but…it still hurts.” you nod, wrapping your arms around her. “i never wanted this to happen.” you sigh, feeling her arms pat your back. “i know, i don’t blame you…” she says quietly. sierra knows she couldn’t take away what the two of you had. she had to be smart and realize if she continued the relationship she would only hurt herself in the future. she couldn’t lie to herself when the truth was right in front of her.

“y/n, what you two have is real. it’s more than what we had, i can’t pretend to be you and i can’t make him love me like he loves you. i want the both of you happy, and if me cutting things off with him i’ll do it.” she says, and pulls back to look at you. “you’re my best friend, i don’t want this to ruin us, okay?” she adds, and you nod. “did he tell you how he felt?” you nod again, a laugh escaping your lips. “andddd?” she drawls, smiling. “i left him on the beach”

“y/n!” she playfully hits your arm, “please, go get that man before you lose him again” she demands, pushing you off the bed. “go!” you laugh and exit the bedroom.

luke sits on the beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand. he wonders if he just lost everything in less than twenty-four hours. he wonders where he went wrong, how he let you slip away, why he wasn’t honest with you…or himself. luke is pissed at himself because maybe, just maybe, if he had been more open with his feelings and emotions maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

he is racking his brain for the right words to say to fix what he had messed up so badly.

“luke” you say, pulling him out of his deep thought. he looks up, his eyes landing on your figure. he feels a warmth in his chest, but he doesn’t get his hopes up. “you came back?”

you nod, as you sit down next to him. “of course, i did.” you say, looking out at the ocean.

“y/n, im sorry. i didn’t mean for all of that to just spill out, i-“ you turn to him, stopping him as he tried explaining himself. “dont” you shake your head.

“just hold me, please.”

time passed quicker than you wanted it to. you sit between luke’s legs, his arms wrapped around your waist and his head resting against your shoulders. you both wanted to watch the sunset since it was your last full night there. neither you nor luke said anything since you came back. you were simply just enjoying each other's company.

“lu?”

“hmm?”

“when did you realize you love me?”

luke thinks for a moment, he recalls the last show of their first headlining tour. he remembers the outfit you wore for your set and he remembers that in that moment is when he first realized his feelings for you.

“do you remember our first headlining tour?” you nod, your eyes still on the ocean. “i do..” luke smiles, “that’s when. i remember seeing your face on that stage and everything shifted..” he answered.

you smile to yourself, recalling that night. you were on cloud nine, you remember the hug and how much you loved being in luke’s arms, just like you were now. “you there?” he whispers. you nod, “i am. just..reminiscing.”

luke pulls you closer, and he squeezes you, afraid to lose you again. he traces soft circles on your arms as he gets lost in thought.

“you there?” you chuckle, and you feel him nod against your shoulder.

“i just… i don’t want to lose you again. i don’t want to mess up this again. please let me make this right between us..” he says.

“lu, i love you. and that’s why i came back. i want us to work out…i want…us..” you speak quietly, the ocean crashing on the shore is in the background.

luke presses a kiss on your neck then, your cheek and finally, your lips. “i promise, y/n. i’ll give you the life you deserve and we will have the best years, together.”

#5sos fan fiction #5sos smut #bartxnhood writes #5sos imagine #5sos #5sos fanfic #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings angst #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings x you #luke hemming imagines #calum hood angst #calum hood 5sos #5sos fan fic

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rebouks · 7 months

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Wyatt’s home was neat, tidy and exposed very little of his true character, just as Brynn had suspected. There were no knickknacks strewn across shelves, no photographs or clutter, and certainly nothing that held much sentimental value; unless he kept such things hidden, though she figured it more likely he simply didn’t have any.

He’d caught her eye now and then but said nothing, unphased by her nosiness as she roamed freely; clearly he had nothing to hide-.. not from her, anyway. Intent on picking her apart from the inside out – much the same as she to him – he studied her relentlessly, bewildered by the fact she’d invaded his sanctuary so audaciously.

Brynn had never met anyone quite like Wyatt, a man who knew exactly what he was, yet bared absolutely no apologies for it. He was cool, collected and intelligent, he couldn’t be cajoled with false compliments or pretend beguile, he didn’t fall over himself to please anyone, didn’t tell her what to do or what to say or how to act, didn’t try to own her or parade her; a stolen prize to be pinned to one’s chest as a badge of honour, wealth or depravity-.. and for the first time in a long, long while, Brynn felt free. Free of her mask, her falsities and her scars.

Brynn: You have a lot of books. Wyatt: That’s not a lot. Brynn: Is way more than I have. Wyatt: You don’t like reading? Brynn: I do-.. is just hard work. Wyatt: Practice makes perfect. Brynn: Maybe you could teach me? Wyatt: You��re finding an awful lot of excuses to spend more time with me…

The atrocities in Wyatt’s past should’ve deterred her, but over time, she’d found herself drawn to him because of them. A shared existence in the darker realities of life, however opposite they may have been.

He could’ve continued down that path after the death of his father, could’ve picked up where Ashton left off, but he hadn’t. He’d fled to where he felt free instead; leading a simple, lonely life, searching for a soul long since forgotten. He was grey, and so was she.

Despite his outward arrogance, Brynn could feel the familiar ache of desolation within Wyatt. He wore his wretched personality like a cloak, peering out at the world as a gargoyle would, poised to deter anyone that came too close with a well-practiced, stony demeanour; but even the hardest of stones could break with the right tools and a little persistence…

Brynn: You think I came all this way for snow and rocks? Wyatt: I’m starting to doubt it. Brynn: Only now? I thought you more intelligent than that.

Brynn smirked, her piercing, lustful gaze rendering him speechless for the second time that night. She wasn’t wrong, he knew by now where this was headed, but he still couldn’t wrap his head around the why. She ought to know better given everything she’d been through, everything she knew about him-.. everything he’d put her through; directly or indirectly, it didn’t matter.

Wyatt swallowed forcefully as he felt a hot flash of guilt wash over him, trying to rid himself of the unpleasant lump stuck in his throat. He hadn’t realised it at the time, but he’d felt something toward her ever since she’d given him that stupid phone in Del Sol. She’d trusted him to do the right thing, even though she had every right to assume he wouldn’t.

Putting it down to the fact that no one had ever believed in him before, he’d brushed those thoughts aside; he was probably just desperate for some sort of approval, fairly natural for someone who was emotionally neglected as a child. It didn’t mean anything.

Brynn: You don’t understand, do you? [Wyatt squinted; he didn’t want to admit that] Brynn: Tell me why. [Wyatt hesitated, but ultimately acquiesced] Wyatt: You said you’d never forgive me… Brynn: I not use the word never, did I? Wyatt: You should’ve. Brynn: I told you; I see you.

Wyatt: What do you s-… [Wyatt promptly forgot his question as Brynn clambered on top of him, his hands reaching for her instinctively, hungrily…] Brynn: Use your heart tonight, not your head.

Previous // Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 story #sims story #forever in between #fib #wyatt shaw #brynn franz #*faints*#someone needs to get over here n fan me stat #PLZ #long post but idec sdkdskjdk #GUH #a slightly problematic ship it may be but i'm on board without a fkin lifejacket anyway apparently #weeeeeeee

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railroad-migraine · 7 months

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Hey Poet ♥️ I had to put my bird and companion of 12 years to sleep earlier today... I was hoping it would be okay to request Molly, Kingsley, Ashton and Caduceus comforting a Ranger SO (friend in Cad’s case) who had their beast companion pass away? I hope it’s not too grim of a prompt, thanks a lot either way! And thank you for what you do, your lovely writing brings joy to many people :)

Oh darling I'm so sorry. We also recently had a family pet put to sleep and it is very hard, but know that you provided your lil friend a wonderful life and that's something to make it easier as time passes 🩶

Comforting Ranger!GN!Reader

Ashton 💚

Is the shoulder to cry on that you've always needed. They're a strong presence, someone reliable to lean on, something physical and real to keep you grounded and help you not lose yourself in feelings.

They say they have difficulty with words, but Ashton surprises even himself with the soft tone and even softer things he offers you. Little phrases of encouragement, of how things will get better, and how you're not going to carry this alone. You have him and friends who care about you - he ignores the hot feeling in his face when your teary eyes meet his upon the confession - and pulls you into their side with a soft "I got you."

Caduceus 💜

Arguably the best person on the list to console you after losing someone you held dear. If it's something you'd like, he'll organise a little ceremony - allow memories of the good and fun moments shared with your companion to take centre stage. It's a happy occasion, with friends in attendance, a celebration of their life, their love, and how they made a home in your heart.

Cad takes time out of his day to sit with you, share tea and treats and the quiet tranquility of his porch, content to give you silent support but even more eager to offer counsel if that's what you seek. He understands how you're feeling, and guides you through them with careful, attentive ease.

Molly 💜

He knows what it's like to mourn a life, be that of a friend's or the past that he will never truly know. He makes sure that as you're processing this change in your life, that you continue to look after yourself. He ensures that you eat, even if you don't feel hungry. He washes your hair and cleans your face, helps you change into fresh clothes, coaxes you outdoors to feel warm sunlight on your skin. He wants to remind you to keep living, to enjoy it just as your pet beast did.

Life moves on. It always will. Your animal came into your life unexpectedly, just as you came into Molly's life. He's there for you, to get you through the day, the week, the month, and beyond. It happens gradually, as all wounds heal, but eventually he sees you smile at him more and he knows it hurts a little less. He smiles back, all teeth and pride for you.

Kingsley 💜

He's still discovering the big emotions that come with experiencing life. Grief is one of them. He fumbles in the beginning, and is scared to say anything in the fear of hurting you further, but he feels more confident after you melt into his arms and let him hold you for who knows how long. He realises later that a distraction can help further along healing.

So that's what Kingsley does. He spends more time with you, takes you sailing and has you steer the ship (with his professional supervision of course). He drags you into dances along the desk and sings you songs before bed. He holds your hand as you fall asleep, and tells you how grateful he is that you're there with him. Thanks you for giving him that - just as you have your familiar that.

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arclundarchivist · 5 months

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So Fearne is the daughter of Unseelie Nobility that has connections to flame so that’s definitely curious. I am wondering if she will finally decide to take the Shard or not?

Not gonna lie bit worried about Imogen and FCG’s admissions, and I don’t think it will at all go with a “Help Predathos” path but they were walking away from the Gods Bad narrative and now we’re winging back towards it and I had hoped we were past that, particularly with Ashton realizing that he’s been putting a lot of blame on the Gods when he shouldn’t have been.

Bit more worried about Laudna prodding Imogen and Fearne to “accept and become their darker selves” cause boy fucking howdy could that go bad.

Orym talking about how he’s always lonely and seemingly admitting feelings for Dorian and guilt over them, Laudna admitting she can’t tell where she ends and Delilah begins, and Ashton continuing to push the realization of the harm he caused by his own actions were all depressing and interesting admissions.

But Chet, admitting that the reason he tries to act aloof is that he was abandoned by his family accidentally and never thought to find them or learn what happened to them really hurt.

Loved the blind “maze” minigame, and excited for the Werewolves minigame next session.

Edit: Also Imogen saying she is *disturbed* by Delilah’s constant presence despite how much she loves Laudna needs to be talked about. Shit quite a few of their truths *need* to be talked about more.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr imogen #cr fearne #cr laudna #cr orym #cr ashton #cr chetney #cr fcg #nana mori #ruidus #cr dorian #dorym

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justzawe · 5 months

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Zawe Ashton on resilience, tackling complex roles and the fight for on-screen representation

The actress took to the stage at the 2023 Bazaar Summit

When Zawe Ashton looks back at her career so far, she’s a little surprised: not at her own success, but at how she’s managed to navigate a notoriously tough industry so well. “When I talk about what I’ve been through, I think, why have I kept going?” the actress and writer told the audience at the 2023 Bazaar At Work Summit, at which she was a headline speaker. “I wonder if, to even become an actor, there needs to be something inside you that is already a little bit fractured. I think there’s something within me that somehow knows this level of crazy. When it gets really hard is when I feel my strongest or most determined.”

Anyone who has watched and loved the cult favourite TV show Fresh Meat will be very thankful indeed that Ashton did keep going. Her character – the straight-talking, drug-taking, chain-smoking and anti-establishment Vod Nordstrom – was a highlight of Jesse Armstrong’s hit series. The popularity of the sitcom-style show (and particularly of Vod) made Ashton a household name and, to this day, it’s a role she’s proud of playing. “Vod was very left-field, free-thinking and probably, I would say, a queer character without that being made explicit,” she said. “Fresh Meat was 11 years ago now, but there’s still a whole new wave of people who come up to me – lots of young actresses, of every ethnicity – who say thank you to me for being smelly, unlikeable, strange and punky, because there aren’t a wealth of women who are doing that on screen.”

Ashton clearly feels passionate about portraying real women in her work. In 2019, she published a fictionalised memoir, Character Breakdown, the title of which refers to the couple of lines an actor will receive with a script, which describe who the character is – for women, these mini biographies are often laughably simplistic and purely aesthetic. “They go from one extreme to another,” Ashton sighed with disbelief. “Where do we draw the line? If you’re not seeing women’s humanity, if you’re not seeing a full human life when you’re thinking about the ways in which you’re putting these descriptions together, then you’re not valuing women. And that’s a much bigger conversation than my industry.”

Throughout her career, Ashton has fought to play complex roles and has always emphasised the importance of making multi-faceted women of every ethnicity visible on screen. When she took the role of Vod, “growing up as a young, biracial girl in Hackney,” she was “willing to do whatever it took to make that character as edgy and authentic as I felt she could be, so that it would invite anyone not seeing that kind of representation to feel really seen”. In 2022, Ashton scored a role in the period drama Mr Malcom’s List, which was a seminal moment for her – and one which she credits to the success of Bridgerton's diverse casting. “I had never seen any actor who looked like me invited to the table to perform [something like that],” she said. “I hadn’t known necessarily that I was hurting so much, until I saw that representation happen and the success of it take everyone by storm.”

Since then, Ashton has continued to push the envelope. This year, she played villain Dar-Benn – a role traditionally written as male – in The Marvels, opposite Brie Larson as Carol Danvers. “The process of learning stunts and fighting is probably one of the most empowering things I’ve done!” she laughed. “But when I thought the film was finished, I got pregnant and had my baby. And then they told me to come back and reshoot basically the whole movie. That has been the biggest journey for me: my physical wellness, my ability to endure, to mentally switch back into that place postpartum and come back to kick some ass again.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, a boundary-breaking superhero feels like Ashton’s best-suited role to date. (x)

#zawe ashton #harpers bazaar #2023 bazaar at work summit #interview #article

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how-queerious · 1 month

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been seein lot of posts calling the cast weird for the way they/their characters are being with the whole "destined" aspect of callowmoore but like consider who does and does not seem to outwardly ship it that way.

maybe there are things and dynamics i've been missing but to me there is a clear division between which characters (not actors) are pushing it and which are not; The main people seeming to push for it are FCG, Imogen, Laudna, and Fearne. The main people just watching and not really swaying either way are Orym, Chet, and Ash. Here's my thoughts on the possible motivations for that from a character perspective. With that in mind, I have focused on the PCs here; I have all the love in the world for matt as a DM, but to untangle the intricacies of his character work in literally even just one episode at a time is a whole other post. Accidental essay below the cut y'all.

broad strokes are that the camps are divided primarily* by who has and hasn't had extensive adult romantic relationships. Laudna, Imogen, and FCG are all experiencing what seem to be their first real adult relationships, and have had notably, explicitly little experience with romance at all beyond that. Fearne herself, despite her age, also seems to have had very little experience with romance and love (remembering that casual or platonic sex is not romance). They have all been starry-eyed and naive about love in prior episodes, and Laudna in particular has a childlike view of it. To compound this, Fearne has been lonely the vast majority of her life, just her, her nana, and their companions of questionable sentience and willingness. Exhibited in some of the darker episodes, and stated by ashley (at some point), she is literally just learning how to feel as mortals do in the prime material plane. Many of us as young shippers were drawn to the allure of the "Soulmate AU" for a lot of the same reasons.

On the other side of the coin, we have the three opposed or neutral. Chet and Orym, unlike any of the others, have both experienced long-term mature romantic relationships. Though Chet often focuses on the sex, and Orym tends not to focus on anything if he can help it, both have shown in their character choices and interactions with people from their past that they have the understanding of mature and healthy(ish) romance. As a contrast to their knowledgability, Ashton has only ever been burned by what should have been love in the past, and has not experienced romance. They have spent their whole life fighting fate, and will continue to do so for at least the time being. He is just learning to let themself love platonically, of course they don't want to follow "fate" to a romantic relationship with someone as chaotic and beautiful and terrifying as Fearne. They'll do the cool combos with her, and he'll flirt and tease, but anything else is unknown territory in a field already littered with the casualties of their past attempts to trust.

Though they may seem to be pushing for this fated dynamic in a way that feels very off for CR, there are genuine and realistic character motivations for them to do so. Perhaps I'm putting too much thought and faith behind it, but I think the specificity of who is or isn't pushing speaks great volumes to the fact that these are all people who have a wealth of theatric and improvisation experience and knowledge behind them. They are all actors with more than my lifetime of hard work behind this "silly game" they play, and I think we ought to consider that.

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irwinsblender · 2 months

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Hey! Feel free to just ignore this request if you're not comfortable writing it ofc. But I had an idea for Ashton with a neurodivergent!s/o who gets burnt out quickly/often and Ashton is always there to take care of them and reassure them that they aren't a burden

(totally self indulgent but I love your work so figured I'd ask! )

this is my very first request so thank you for sending it in! i haven’t written any ND fics before so i tried my best and i apologise if it’s not the greatest!

—

burn out

pairing: ashton x neurodivergent!reader

summary: you’ve been getting burnt out a lot recently and feel bad about it, but ashton is there to reassure you

warnings: mentions of autistic overstimulation and burn out, anxiety

word count: 4.3k

✩ ✩ ✩

laying in bed on a friday morning after an exhausting week at work was exactly what you needed. the past few days you’d been given a lot of work to deal with, lots of emails sent to you, along with a few lengthy discussions that came up. it had been a lot for you.

of course, it would help if you weren’t meant to be going into work today.

ashton being the early bird that he is, was already up and going about his day. he knew your schedule like the back of his hand, knew by the time he got back from his morning walk that you’d be eating breakfast and getting ready to leave.

however, when he got home, everything seemed too quiet. your car was still on the driveway, no noise coming from the kitchen, no sounds of movement from upstairs.

by that, he knew you’d either overslept, or, you weren’t feeling good. this time would be the latter.

ashton slipped his shoes off, placing his keys in the dish on the entryway table. instantly heading towards the stairs to go up and check on you.

you being autistic wasn’t something ashton was ever worried about, he loved you, and would do anything it took to make sure you were okay. in the time you and ashton had been together, he’d learned new things about you, and continued to learn more and more every day.

when you first met, you were anxious and worried about oversharing or infodumping, as you did often when one of your special interests got brought up during conversation.

it was your second date when ashton asked you if you’d had any pets before, and you would not stop talking. you’ve always had pet cats and were very much in love with all their fluffy cuteness. you rambled on and on about what type your favourite was and then what type your pet cats were as well as giving random facts that most people probably didn’t care about.

you frantically apologised afterwards, but ashton had a huge smile on his face the whole time. he was thrilled to see you so enthusiastic talking about something you loved. after seeing his reaction, you knew he was the perfect guy for you.

one of the first times you came to ashton’s house he showed you his home studio, his drums, guitars, recording equipment. it really intrigued you and you even asked him to play the drums for you. you were absolutely fine with it.

it didn’t take long for him to ask you to move in, and you were over the moon about it. enjoying when he would play music for you, or show you songs and ideas he’d been working on. everything was perfect.

so, the day ashton had been practicing with the guys in his basement, he didn’t expect to find you in your shared bedroom with tears streaming down your face, trying to cover your ears as much as you could.

at first he didn’t know what to do, he tried to talk to you, tried to comfort you, but nothing worked. until he eventually found that pulling you into his arms slowly and holding you as tight as he possibly could allowed you to have something else to focus on.

after that day, you both had a conversation about how a few things would need to change. schedule wise, and in a sense of that he needed to communicate with you whenever he was thinking about playing his drums, or having the guys over to practice.

there were never any issues, ashton had always been very accommodating for you and how you wanted to go about things. he immediately changed things, no questions asked, all he wanted was for you to be comfortable.

within your new agreement, for the music side of things, ashton would ask you if you were okay with him playing his drums first.

a lot of the time you’d say yes, and you’d join him for a while to listen. other times, you’d decide to stay in the bedroom, the sound of him in the basement while you were in there wasn’t too bad. almost muffled if you kept all the doors closed.

other times the noise would end up being unbearable and you’d either resort to putting on your noise cancelling headphones, which ashton had bought for you after realising how much the noise affected you at times, or, you’d have to ask him to stop.

over the past few months you’ve had to ask him to stop, or wait to play the drums until he’s at the studio, many times. for some reason, you’d been getting worked up at the smallest things more often than you usually do.

even though he’d had lots of days away at the studio, he’d also end up coming home and have to do the dishes, clean things up in the living room and bedroom because you’d never got around to doing it.

mostly because you’d been in bed all day, wanting to get up to get those chores done, but it’s as if your body was saying no. you were just too exhausted.

ashton had learned that even when you’re exhausted from work, from every day stresses, you would not admit that you were getting burnt out. you hated admitting defeat and each time you got burnt out, it would take a lot of convincing from ashton to let you know it’s completely okay to rest and not worry about other things.

today, you woke up feeling more exhausted. you should’ve left the house already to get to work. even if you got up now, you’d still be late. you were most definitely burnt out and as usual you wouldn’t be accepting that.

ashton knocked gently on the door, alerting you of his presence before coming inside. as he opened the door, he saw you curled up in bed, blankets pulled up to your chin with you holding the corner with one hand. you were awake, just hadn’t moved since you left your slumber.

you glanced up at him as he walked over, watching as he knelt down beside the bed where you were laying. he offered a comforting smile before talking.

“morning, love,” ashton brushed your hair behind your ear. “are you doing okay?”

you nodded your head, almost not having enough energy to verbally explain how you were feeling. you didn’t want to tell him how exhausted you were feeling either.

“you were meant to have work today, weren’t you, baby?” ashton asked, you nodded again. “did you let your boss know you aren’t coming? or do you want me to type out a quick email for you?”

you looked over to your laptop on the desk, and then back to ashton. he got the idea. not hesitating to grab your laptop and bring it over to the bed with him. he sat down next to where you were laying, typing in your password and finding your emails to send a message to your boss to let him know you’d be taking a sick day.

it wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence for ashton to be the one to send your boss a message. there had been a few times where ashton knew you needed a day off, or that you were too exhausted to do it yourself, so, he did it for you. he’d never mind, it’s not a bother at all.

it was done within a matter of minutes, closing your laptop and placing it over to the side so he could easily lay himself down next to you.

he started off gently, not sure on how exactly you were feeling. he lifted the blankets, slipping underneath them, placing his hand on your forearm, rubbing up and down for comfort.

you let him, his warm touch always brought comfort to you when you were feeling like this. he settled closer to you, wrapping his arms around your stomach to give you a tight hug.

“how many emails did i have?” you asked. not what ashton expected as the first thing for you to say today.

“i didn’t see,” he told you honestly. “i think a few people had sent links to files, but that’s all.”

“i need to look at those,” you said, shuffling slightly. “i’m meant to have a write up about those files by monday. i should’ve been finishing it at work today.”

“someone else can finish it,” ashton tried to tell you. that’s what usually happened. “it’s okay for you to take a day away from your work.”

“no, they were expecting me to finish it,” you pushed out of ashton’s grip, trying to see where he’d put your laptop. “it was my job to do it, so i should be doing it.”

“hey, hey, baby,” ashton softly got your attention again, urging you to lay back down properly. “there’s no hurt in you taking a day for yourself, relax today, watch some tv or a movie, rest up until you feel like you can get out of bed.”

you didn’t want to argue over it, so, you let out a long breath as you nodded. you laid your head against his chest, snuggling up closer to him.

“the guys won’t be here for another few hours,” ashton reminded you. “i’ll text them and tell them i’m cancelling so i can spend the day with you.”

“what? no, no, no, you don’t need to cancel,” you shook your head. “you guys have album work to do.”

“the guys can work on things without me for a couple days,” ashton tried to reassure. “they have home studios and we have some days at the studio next week. a few days without me there won’t hurt.”

“you don’t need to cancel.” you repeated.

ashton sighed. you were always stubborn like this. you hate knowing that you’re the reason that he can’t practise or record music here. you always felt terrible if he did have to cancel, this is his job after all, he should be able to play whenever he wanted to.

he’d cancelled too many times to count in the last couple of months. every time it was because of you. you couldn’t ask him to cancel again, it’s too frequent. he still had to work, this is what he loved doing and you were getting in the way of it.

“just because i’m not working today, doesn’t mean you can’t,” you looked up at him. “i’ll watch tv, like you said. and i can do some more colouring in that book you got me.”

ashton thought about it. colouring did keep you calm. another of your current special interests had been colouring recently. ashton had bought a book full of different drawings, flowers, landscapes, buildings and even people, which you took to immediately. it seemed to help occupy you enough to calm you down.

you usually liked doing it with ashton, he had a book of his own. but, you could compromise today. you’d colour things by yourself while he works on music with the guys.

“you know it’s okay for me to cancel, baby,” ashton told you. “i’m happy to spend my time with you instead, make sure you’re okay.”

“i’ll be okay,” you tried to convince. “go work on your music, you know i love hearing you play.”

“you’re sure?” he asked.

“i’m sure.” you replied.

ashton wasn’t sure about this, going by how you’ve been feeling today. but, he wouldn’t argue with you over it. he’d work on music with the guys but check on you through the day. his friends were always understanding anyways, so it should all work out.

of course, once ashton actually had to leave you alone, things didn’t feel right. you didn’t feel right. but, you told him you’d be fine, so you will be fine.

ashton was downstairs, he’d offered to make you breakfast, which you said no to. telling him you didn’t feel hungry. more that you just didn’t have the effort to eat.

he made you food anyway, placing it into a container in case you decided you were hungry later on.

currently, ashton was in his basement with the guys. he was sitting at his drum kit, ready to play the part they would be working on. as he gets given the all good to start playing, he went all out. the sound of his drums being heard throughout the whole house.

at that exact moment, you were sitting up in bed. you had been colouring in the book you and ashton had talked about earlier. you were on a page of flowers, they looked pretty, however, you would feel better if ashton was here with you.

with the sound of the drums, you were starting to lose the ability to focus on what you were doing. you couldn’t decide on what colour to use next, let alone where to use it.

taking a breath, you closed your eyes. you did tell him it would be fine for him to play today. and you wouldn’t be going to interrupt his practice.

you reached to pick up your phone, seeing a flood of work notifications. you should’ve been doing work today, clearly they needed your help with things. maybe just one look at your laptop wouldn’t hurt.

big mistake.

you stared at the screen as if something would happen with you doing so. ten emails in your inbox, asking questions about the topic that was discussed the previous day. the thing that had stressed you out more than you were already becoming.

you couldn’t deal with it.

too many emails, there were too many meetings and discussions yesterday, today you’re exhausted and now ashton is playing the drums and the noise almost feels as if it’s vibrating through your eardrums.

at this point, you knew you needed your headphones to cancel out the noise of the drums. you glanced around the room, over to the desk, then to ashton’s nightstand and over to yours. your headphones weren’t in here.

you tried to think back to where you put them last. in your work room, in the living room, in the kitchen… in the basement. you’d left them in the basement, ashton’s home studio basement, where the noise is currently coming from.

now what were you supposed to do? you couldn’t go into the basement while the guys were working, going down there would mean the noise getting louder which you didn’t think you’d be able to deal with.

you were stuck in your bedroom. alone.

you started shaking your legs back and fourth under your covers, leg bouncing is something you often do when you start feeling overwhelmed or anxious, with the addition of chewing the inside of your cheek.

you didn’t know what to do. you couldn’t do anything but sit here and hope their practice ends soon. you didn’t know how much longer you would last without breaking down, feeling tears already welling up in your eyes.

if only you’d just asked ashton to cancel today.

in the basement, the guys had gone over a couple of songs a few times, including lots of drumming. ashton stopped for now, joining the guys at the desk where they have music and lyrics written down on paper.

while checking over a few things for a new song, ashton picked up his phone. it wasn’t like you to not send a few texts while he’s in his studio. you normally liked to check on how things were going, or to ask how the guys are. ashton frowned, catching the attention of calum.

“everything alright?” he asked. then seeing who’s texts ashton was looking at.

“think so,” ashton said. “i’m just used to getting my phone blown up with texts while i’m down here.”

he turned his phone off, placing it in his pocket. going back to what he was doing before, looking over music sheets.

“do you wanna grab those from over there?” michael asks, pointing to the paper by the couch.

luke went to stand up when ashton beat him to it, walking over there to get the paper from the table. he would’ve just picked them up, if he hadn’t noticed your noise cancelling headphones on the couch.

he knew they shouldn’t be down here. did you both really leave them in here last time you were down here? they were normally with you at all times. especially not leaving them in the basement where the most noise comes from.

the guys noticed he wasn’t completely focused on practice today anyway, but after seeing he’d picked up the headphones, they knew something was going on with you.

“do you wanna maybe call it a day?” luke suggested, joining ashton by the couch. “if things aren’t great today, we can just work at my place, we’ll let you know about any changes we make to lyrics.”

“yea,” ashton agreed. “that’s probably best.”

the guys would always be fine with leaving early, or changing plans. it wasn’t a problem. after deciding on what to do, they were gone in under twenty minutes.

ashton held onto your headphones, planning on taking them upstairs with him. he went to the kitchen first, seeing the container of food he left you, still sitting on the counter. nothing had moved since he was last in there, meaning you hadn’t left the bedroom yet today. had you had anything to drink either?

that’s when ashton became more worried. he slowly made his way through the house, going upstairs. your bedroom door was closed and it’s quiet. he couldn’t hear any movement from inside.

knocking on the door gently, he pushed it open slowly, seeing you sat on the bed. you were rocking back and fourth while seeming to be staring into space. and the most noticeable thing, you were tugging at your hair, something that ashton had come to learn that you do when you’re too overstimulated by things, as well as tears noticeably dropping down your cheeks.

he walked over to you, sitting down on the edge of the bed in front of you, “baby, hey.” he offered a comforting smile as you looked at him.

by him being here, you knew the drumming would have stopped. it wouldn’t be loud anymore, however, the tears didn’t stop falling. you let out quiet sobs, sniffling at the same time.

“i found your headphones in the basement, i didn’t know they were in there,” he softly said. “here.”

he tried taking your hand that was pulling at your hair into his. you let him, gradually letting go of your hair. he placed your hand in your lap. allowing him to place your headphones over your ears. they shouldn’t be needed now, but at the chance there are any other surprise noises it’s best for you to wear them.

without speaking, you pointed behind him, over to the basket by the desk. he stood up, seeing you were trying to motion for something. he turned briefly.

“you want your dragon stuffie?” he asked after picking the stuffie out of the basket. gaining a nod from you.

it had been your favourite stuffie for years now, a weighted one at that. it helped to give you something focus on when you were overwhelmed or anxious. as well as bringing you comfort.

he placed the stuffie on your crossed legs, one of your hands instantly holding onto the tail to squeeze and pinch the material. the deep pressure of the weight always helped you.

ashton moved to sit beside you on the bed, placing his hand lightly on your shoulder, he tried to pull you into his embrace. not too quickly as it could make things worse, but you seemed to be okay with it.

feeling his arms go around your body, you leaned into him. head against his chest as you laid back between his legs. he tightened his arms around you to further help with the pressure. which allowed you to slowly start to relax.

your crying continued for a while longer, it taking you time to completely feel calm again. ashton was patient, as he always was, allowing you as much time as you needed.

the stress from work the past few weeks had definitely got to you, how you’d been overloaded with things to do, too many meetings and way too much talking involved. now this on top of it all had become too much.

ashton pressed delicate kisses to your forehead, caressing his thumbs back and fourth against you where his hands were holding you to try and help you relax more.

you both stayed sitting in the quiet, he wouldn’t talk, or move, until he knew you were ready and feeling okay again.

he’d noticed you’d stopped sniffling as much, seeing you were wiping a few more tears from your cheeks. hoping you were starting to settle, he loosened his grip slightly, seeing you were fine with that.

after a few more moments, you were twisting in his arms, leaning on your side against him to wrap your arms around his torso as he continued to hold you.

you looked up at him, defeated look on your face. he leaned down, pressing a few more soft kisses to your forehead. showing you he’s here, he’s got you and he won’t be leaving your side until you were ready.

you sat like this for what felt like forever. it had to have been at least an hour before you’d properly calmed down to a point where you felt like you could actually talk to ashton.

slowly, you reached for one side of your headphones, lifting it off of your left ear. it was quiet. the only thing that you could hear was ashton’s steady breathing above you.

with that confirmation, you removed the headphones completely. you sighed, reaching for one of ashton’s hands so you could hold it in yours.

“i’m sorry.” you spoke. ashton frowned at you, confused as to why you were apologising. “you should’ve been in your studio, but instead you’re up here with me.”

“baby, it’s okay,” ashton tried to reassure. “i was thinking about you the whole time, so it was best for us to cut things short for today.”

“but, if i had just been at work—“

“love,” ashton cut you off. “it’s okay if you aren’t feeling good, i’m completely okay with changing plans last minute so i can take care of you instead.”

you shook your head, “but im getting in the way of your job, ash,” you argued. “music is your life and you’ve had to constantly cancel practice or recording sessions, because of me. i’m ruining everything.”

“baby, no, no,” ashton sighed, hating hearing you say things like that. “you aren’t getting in the way of anything and you most definitely aren’t ruining things.”

you shook your head again, “if i can’t deal with things, you have to do the chores around the house, you have to cook and clean on top of looking after me,” you said. “you should be having fun with the guys, instead for the past few months you’ve been at home with me because i can’t deal with a little bit of work and noise.”

this was the same every time ashton had to cancel plans. you’d feel terrible, you’d apologise for things that are in no way your fault. you are the way you are and there’s nothing wrong with it, although, you always felt like there was.

“you’d be better off without me,” you looked down. “you’d have a simple life, you could make music whenever you please without me getting in the way all the time.”

“baby,” ashton sighed. “you don’t get in the way of things, there’s nothing wrong with you feeling overwhelmed and burnt out sometimes. i’m happy with helping you through it when you feel like that.”

“it’s just been getting more and more often,” you fiddled with your dragon stuffie. “you shouldn’t have to keep changing your plans just because i keep having a hard time.”

“i’m happy to change plans as many times as i need if it means being here to help you deal with things,” ashton reassured. “you can’t always predict when you’re going to get burnt out or tired, so whenever it happens, i promise, i’m always going to be here no matter what.”

“i just feel like i’m becoming something you always have to deal with,” you continue. “like i’m a heavy weight in your life, stopping you from doing things.”

ashton knew what you were trying to say to him. without explicitly saying it, you were referring to yourself as a burden. it was truly how you felt every time this happens, how else could you feel?

“angel, no, please don’t say that,” ashton shook his head. “i don’t have to deal with it, you’re the person i love and continue to love every single day. the day you walked into my life, you became my top priority, not because i have to deal with you, but because i want to be here for you, i want to make sure you’re always happy.”

he pauses for a moment, running a hand through your hair soothingly, “you mean the world to me, and i love spending time with you, especially when you need it most,” he smiles as you look up at him. “you’re not a burden, you never have been and never will be. i love you, so so much.”

he leaned down, kissing your lips softly. you smiled after that, leaning your head against his chest. he always knew what to say to try and make you worry less and feel better.

“thank you for being here for me.” you said quietly.

“always, my love.” he hugs you tighter against him. “now, how about i make you a hot chocolate? i know that always helps.”

“please,” you squeezed his hand in yours as a thank you. “i love you, ash.”

before he went anywhere, he reassured you some more. but you knew that things would be better with him with you through this. things were always better when ashton was by your side.

✩ ✩ ✩

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton irwin imagines #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin x reader #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #ashton irwin fluff #ashton irwin angst #5sos x reader

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bratzforchris · 8 months

Note

Heyo! I was wondering if you could do a piece about Micheal is reader’s little brother and reader has a crush on Ashton so Micheal has to like… help reader get up the courage to tell Ashton and he also kinda plays matchmaker. Idk if that makes sense but feel free to ignore this! Take care!

<33

Cupid

❃

Summary: Above

Pairing: Ashton x feminine reader+younger brother!Michael

Warnings: Slight cursing

Word Count: 903

A/N: Thank you for the request!

❃

You sighed, peering through the window into the room where the after-school music club was currently meeting. Your younger brother, Michael, was in the club, but that wasn’t the reason you were here. You smiled as you watched the drummer, banging away a hearty tune.

You’d had a crush on Ashton ever since he had come over to your house with Michael after school. He was beyond sweet and had always talked kindly to you, but you were unsure if he liked you the way you liked him. The honey-blond was currently a senior, while you were a junior and Michael was a sophomore. Sometimes you wondered if Ashton came over to see you, but then would quickly shake the thought from your mind, knowing it was just so he could take your younger brother under his wing.

You jumped back quickly when the door opened, straightening yourself out like you hadn’t been spying.

“Hey Y/N. What are you doing here?” Michael asked, coming out of the room and swinging his backpack over his shoulder nonchalantly.

“Uhhh….nothing. Just waiting for you.” You tried to say casually, ignoring the way your cheeks were flaming.

“You never wait for me?” Your brother questioned, sweeping his currently-blue-fringe out of his eyes.

“Well. Today I did.” You huffed, watching the door to see if Ashton would come out.

Sure enough, the drummer trotted through the door, giggling at something one of the senior girls had said and your heart sank. You knew Ashton probably already had a girlfriend. He was way too kind to not have one. Those thoughts were banished from your mind, though, when he turned to you and Michael.

“Bye Michael! Bye Y/N!” he said cheerfully, swinging his keys around his finger and walking towards the exit doors.

It hadn’t been much, but he had still acknowledged you. You couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto your face as you thought about what it would be like to hold Ashton and have him hug you and maybe kiss him.

“Oh, you so like him.” Michael snorted, looking up from his phone.

“I do not, you butt!” You protested, pushing his shoulder slightly.

“Then why do you look like a fucking unicorn just threw up on you?” he asked, texting someone.

“Ugh,” You groaned. “Whatever. If you want a ride you better hurry.” You told him, speed walking to the parking lot.

Truth was, you were hoping Ashton hadn’t left yet, but you’d never let Michael know that. He already had enough blackmail on you from the two-minute interaction, no need to give him more. The empty lot proved that the honey-blond had already left and your heart sank. You simply unlocked the doors to your white SUV and got in on the driver’s side.

“...you know I can help you if you really like him?” Michael asked quietly, getting into the passenger side as you started the car.

“How are you going to help?” You asked skeptically as you pulled out of the parking lot.

“I dunno. I can talk to him?”

You looked over at Michael, wondering what his ulterior motives were. “You’d do that?”

“I mean obviously I won’t tell him ‘my sister has a fat crush on you’, but yeah. I’d talk to him.” Michael snorted.

“If I find out this is some sort of prank, you’re dead.” You said with a hint of joke to your voice.

“I promise, it’s not,” Michael said earnestly. “Now leave me alone, I’m going to play Call of Duty.” he hopped out of the car and began to walk inside.

You continued to sit in the car for a few moments, letting it idle. Was Michael really going to play matchmaker for you? You sighed and tried to push all thoughts of Ashton out of your mind, heading inside to start your homework.

Sure enough, Michael followed through with his word. You were laying in bed, watching Netflix when your phone pinged. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when you saw a DM from @ashtonirwin94.

ash: hey you :)

you: hi ash, what’s up?

ash: nothing much…

ash: would you wanna go get lunch tmrw?

You held your phone to your chest and nearly squealed. Ashton was asking you out? There was no way this was real. Not wanting to leave him on seen for too long, but also not wanting to say yes right away, you crept across the hall to Michael’s room.

“Mike?” You asked, knocking the door.

“Yeah?” he called out.

“Did you tell Ashton to ask me out?”

“No?” Michael opened the door, an astonished look on his face. “I just told him he should talk to you because you both like music and all that weird hippie-dippy shit.” he laughed.

You squealed, your cheeks turning pink. “You’re the best brother ever!” You smiled, wrapping your arms around his torso.

Even though Michael was younger than you, he was already almost a foot taller at 6 '2”, compared to tiny, 5' 3” frame. Sometimes it sucked, but it kind of felt awesome, especially right now.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll remember those words next time I eat the last of those pizza rolls.” he told you, slipping his headphones back on and going back to his PC.

You smiled as you walked back to your room, typing out a text message.

you: i’d love to<3

⌗

➜ taglist: @lukesbolts @thatmarvelgirly

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overnighttosunflowers · 4 months

Text

The Lore of Every Thought’s a Possibility, or: What The Fuck Is Up With the Planes? A Really Long Post About All My CR Theories

This post is ostensibly about the lore of every thought’s a possibility, an Imodna fake dating fic I wrote that has a canon-divergent continuation of the campaign’s main plot humming along in the background. BUT, just as LOTR was kind of a vehicle for Tolkien to play with linguistics, this fic was really kind of a vehicle for me to explore lore thoughts I’d been having anyway. (I am not actually comparing myself to Tolkien. A much more apt comparison would be a lore gremlin hiding under the bed to gnaw furiously on a thousand pages of transcripts and then offer a sheepish pile of scraps loosely formed into a heart.)

Basically, this should hopefully be accessible and interesting regardless of whether you’ve read the fic.

So! In building out my fic’s B-plot, I spent a lot of time combing through existing CR lore and synthesizing my thoughts into a single multi-pronged theory. What follows, then, is basically 80% theorizing to a degree I feel is supported by canon, and 20% extrapolating those theories a bit further in a direction that would let me resolve my fic.

I started writing Every Thought after episode 57, right before Team Wildemount entered Ludinus’s tower in Molaesmyr. So, the very first thing I had to do was invent what it was that they found there. I decided that, for my purposes, they’d found a shattered dodecahedron—something they’d seen before once, at the Key during the solstice—as well as Ludinus’s notes indicating that it was called a beacon and had to do with a type of possibility/fate/time magic called dunamancy.

I went in this direction because I’ve long been convinced that the Luxon has a bigger role to play in this story than we know, for these reasons plus others that I can’t as easily reconstruct:

First, the Luxon, the Primordials, and Predathos are the only beings described as existing outside of Exandria’s standard planes/people/gods construction. The Luxon was said to exist before the Founding, and to have created the Primordials. Predathos was said to have arrived from beyond the known universe after the gods, during the Founding*, and been banished by the gods and Primordials working together. Although perhaps tenuous, this links the two in my mind.

*(ie the period of history starting with the gods’ arrival in Exandria and ending with the Schism, where the Prime Deities defeated the Primordials and Betrayers)

(I’ve been wondering if perhaps Predathos and the Luxon are a Raava/Vaatu situation, or if perhaps one split off from the other. We already know the Luxon broke itself into pieces (the beacons)—what if Predathos is also a piece of it, containing all the darkest parts?)

In any event, to my mind, there has always been a possibility that Imogen’s storm at the end of episode 33/beginning of episode 34 is related to not just Predathos but also the Luxon. When Imogen is pushed to her breaking point, everything around her goes deep red—and then white. The Hells are each swept up in a storm of previously unaccessed memories and seem to perhaps be somehow shifted out of that space and/or time for the duration of the explosion that follows, being restored unharmed immediately thereafter.

(C3e34)

To me, this very much has flavors of dunamancy—not least because in The Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount, the Luxon’s original form is described as “a colossal, shapeless body of impossibly bright light.”

The other time a similar white light is described is at the end of episode 51, when the Hells are bamfed to Wildemount and Issylra. The light is described as “familiar,” so presumably similar to the light from episodes 33/34.

The only other unexplained spatial displacement we have seen (beyond the other solstice-powered ones at leyline nexuses) was Ashton’s, during his parents’ Hishari ritual. He had a sense of watching everything tear apart—"wind, and light, and air"—and then they found themself suddenly in the Hellcatch desert. So I decided—half conjecture, half invention—that Ashton was transported by this same white light.

(Perhaps interestingly, the light has appeared 1) when an Exaltant of Predathos was pushed to the brink; 2) when a beacon was used in the Malleus Key, and—in my conjecture—3) during a ritual we later learned involved a shard of a Primordial, legendarily a creation of the Luxon. Could all three be related?)

All the Primordial stuff we learned from episode 58 onwards exists outside the scope of my fic, so I didn’t know about that shard while I was writing, and it isn’t fic-canon to my story. But I was absolutely positive that the Hishari stuff would be coming back in a big way; Matt had been dropping those hints for quite a while.

So, in my fic, Team Issylra (who at the time we didn’t know would land in Issylra—I guessed well!) encountered someone who had, for a time, been romantically involved with a member of the Hishari who had defected. (It had to be someone able to fill the group in on the Hishari without having known Ashton’s parents, because there’s a whole additional layer of emotional weight to that which this fic wasn’t equipped to contend with. As is, this defector’s ex, who I named Jesmaine, is mentioned like once.) Team Issylra learns the following:

The Hishari derive their name not from the Ashari but from the Gau Drashari.

The Gau Drashari were trying to keep Avalir from moving from plane to plane, which would have been dangerous to Exandria.

The Hishari were a modern group that discovered this information and came to believe that the Gau Drashari’s mission had been mistaken; far from keeping the planes separate and protected (a legacy we still see in the Ashari and their elemental rifts), the true mission should have been to reunite the planes, collapsing them all back down into the single plane from which they’d originally sprung.

(Technically they don’t get this much detail, but I’m giving it in full here for context.)

Now, in my fic, we go on to learn that Ludinus was working with the Hishari to help them collapse the planes. The Hells’ understanding, and mine, is that either the Hishari were already on this path and Ludinus realized he could benefit from helping, or—more likely—the group and/or its mission are themselves his own creations, shaped to help him achieve a goal.

We also learn that the Hishari were trying to collapse the planes by supercharging threshold crests with a good old dose of possibility and potential, courtesy of a beacon presumably provided by Ludinus. This mimics the way that Ludinus was using a beacon to charge or power the key. It also puts keys or threshold crests on all seven of the most “central” planes: canon’s Material, Fey, and Shadow, and my Earth, Water, Fire, and Air.*

*It's interesting to note that, per the Divine Gate article on the CR Wiki, you do not pass through the Divine Gate when traveling to the Fey Realm, the Shadow Realm, the Ethereal Plane, or any of the Elemental Planes. You also don't pass through it when entering the Astral Plane, which itself contains the Divine Gate, but you do pass through it on returning. I omitted the Astral Plane from my plane-collapsing theory for this reason, and omitted the Ethereal Plane because it already overlaps the Material Plane to a much more significant degree than any other. I discounted all the Outer Planes because they are beyond the Divine Gate, and because they mostly seem kind of vestigial from official D&D and Pathfinder lore anyway.

Now, there were a few reasons I’d been thinking that perhaps the planes were going to become more relevant to the lore of Exandria than we’ve seen thus far. First of all, there have been several attacks at the elemental rifts defended by the Ashari: first an attack from the fire plane in ExU Prime, then an attack on Terrah before the Solstice.

(c3e49)

Now, Keyleth concludes that these were just “false front” distractions, but I’m not so sure.

(c3e66)

Coming from our current lore knowledge, I notice that it’s the earth and fire planes specifically that were targeted—the same as the two Primordial shards that ultimately come to reside in Ashton and Fearne. At the time, though, I didn’t know about the shards, and so I instead thought: could these groups perhaps have been trying to weaken the boundaries between the planes? Could Ashton’s parents’ ritual—the Hishari ritual—have been doing the same?

We also knew that for some reason in order to release Predathos it was essential to have Malleus keys on three separate planes. While Ludinus was able to proceed with the Fey key down, Predathos quite notably hasn’t emerged yet, so it’s entirely possible that having a Fey tether remains in some way essential. I also found it particularly notable that until Fearne was born, Ruidus didn’t show up in the Fey Realm, suggesting that her birth somehow anchored it there—a theory only strengthened by what we’ve since learned about Fearne’s parentage.

The biggest reason I’ve thought the planes would be important, though, is ExU Calamity. Calamity seems to have (likely intentionally) laid a lot of lore groundwork for Campaign 3, and planes—specifically travel between them, specifically as it relates to godhood—were essential to Calamity’s plot.

Let’s go through the details there, starting with the Tree of Names. In Calamity, we learn that the Tree of Names was inscribing a spell of protection on the world: protection from “all the things outside it.” We specifically learn that this protective barrier somehow enforced a separation between the planes:

(ExU Calamity episode 3)

The Tree does this through the power of names. Anything whose name it knows, it can guard against. Now, at first glance it seems like it specifically was meant to guard against the Primordials: after all, it was foretold that if the Primordials joined the Calamity, it would mean the end of everything, and it was by learning the names of and banishing the Primordials that the Ring of Brass was able to save a portion of the world.

But, if the Tree was intended to guard primarily against the Primordials, why would the Arboreal Caelix have been added to protect it right after the Matron of Ravens ascended?

We don’t know. But we do know that no one remembers the Matron’s name. That, therefore, very probably, the tree doesn’t remember it, either. And, therefore, that probably the Matron was able to evade the tree, giving her access to all the planes.

From there, I hypothesized that there might be some connection between the Matron’s evasion of the tree and her ascension—between her planar travel abilities and her godhood.

Now, why did I zero in on collapsing the planes?

In Calamity episode 3, we learn that Laerryn had designed the Astral Leywright to “allow the city to travel not only across the face of Exandria, but to realms supernatural, where a city of mortals might walk as equals with the gods themselves.” In episode 4, we learn further that “Aeor opposed the gods and the Matron of Ravens and her ascension, and Laerryn's vision was, from whence do the gods come? By what token do they award themselves that title, and what realms beyond could we explore?”

In summary: Aeor wanted the gods gone, and no more mortals ascending. Avalir wanted to one-up Aeor: why not make mortals themselves equal to gods? How better to do it than traveling as the gods travel—across the planiverse?*

*I didn't have space to address it in my fic, but I actually think that the most important part of all of this is "from whence do the gods come." The gods, the Luxon, Predathos: all came from somewhere beyond. Whatever and wherever that is, access to it is what truly separates mortals from gods. For the convenience of fic plot, I decided that where they came from is not an entirely separate place, but rather Everywhere All At Once. Put all the planes together and you get a sort of fourth-dimensional place that is simultaneously all of them and none of them.

In briefer summary: travel from plane to plane is the last thing separating mortals from gods.

Now, one might immediately note that Plane Shift is a spell that exists, so this would have to be some kind of more complex planar travel. Calamity episode 4 enlightens us a bit on this: “[Laerryn’s] vision was not the simple magic of the threshold crests, not a quick move, not a one-way trip, not a single destination, but truly to take a leyline off of the face of Exandria and chart it to the stars, that we could go wherever we wished and be whatever we wished. [But] we didn’t know the spell the tree was writing.”

So. The kind of planar travel Laerryn seeks—the kind that brings humans level with gods, the kind the Matron would’ve been able to execute as part of her ascension ritual—isn’t to a single destination.

Could that mean that it’s to every plane at once? That part of what makes a god a god is the ability to exist on every plane simultaneously?

The Ritual of Seeding page on the CR Wiki offers some evidence to support this theory. Itself citing ExU Calamity, it tells us that one of the things that happens during an apogee solstice is that the walls between planes thin and the leylines move around. It also tells us that this was part of the Matron’s ritual of ascension:

(CR Wiki - Ritual of Seeding)

(I’ll note that I dropped the leylines lore from my fic for reasons of simplicity, choosing to focus on the adjacent planar lore. I avoided delving into Matron stuff for the same reason—the Hells haven’t learned a ton about her, so I would have had to do a lot of legwork to introduce and support theories about her. I was trying to operate within the realm of what we already know. I will note, though, that The Nine Eyes of Lucien tells us that the Matron of Ravens, as the goddess of fate, is very interested in Fate-Touched individuals; that the Fate-Touched feat closely mimics the effect of the dunamantic spell Fortune’s Favor, which can also be obtained from staring into a beacon; and that Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn alludes to the Fate-Touched feat being somehow connected to Ruidus… very interesting, is all I’m saying.)

Okay, so now we’re set up to move into the endgame of my fic plot: Artana Voe showing up to tell the Hells that the deaths of the gods Ethedok and Vordo created the Fey and Shadow planes. This theory originally comes from Rach @dadrielle (as do fragments of everything in here, because I developed 90% of this directly into her DMs, but I know that I got this one 100% from her; whether she got any pieces of it elsewhere I’m not sure).

I believe the first seed of this idea came from Ethedok and Vordo’s domains. Ethedok was the god of darkness and winter, and Vordo was the god of fate and order. The former calls to mind the Shadow Realm, while the latter calls to mind the Fey Realm (albeit in a more topsy-turvy kind of way). This was fueled by the vibes of a largely unrelated post about Spelljammer, which mentions that in that canon, the Astral Sea is full of the corpses of dead gods, some of which form entire cities. (Absurdly cool Spelljammer campaign idea there if you click through, by the way.) Of course, this has nothing to do with Exandria, but it did get us simmering on the idea of the deaths of gods creating locations, and Rach had the thought that perhaps planes could grow from the corpses of the gods in the astral sea.

Anyway, I hadn’t committed to using this in my fic—that aspect of its lore solidified rather late in the game—and then episode 68 rolled around in mid-August, and Keyleth casually dropped that the deaths of the Primordials caused the creation of the elemental planes:

Which, while not confirmation of anything about the Fey or Shadow planes, definitely made the Ethedok-and-Vordo’s-deaths-made-those-planes theory feel a lot more plausible. So I made it fic-canon!

I decided that the Grim Verity would’ve discovered this information, and used Artana Voe* to relay it to the Hells.

*In my earliest drafts, Artana Voe was going to relay information about the anti-resurrection poison being derived from a distortion of the Luxon--eliminating all potential worlds where someone came back to life--as well as the discovery that Potions of Possibility could therefore protect against it, and might even be able to someday reverse it. But this felt less consequential in a world where Revivify is offline anyway, and less thematically relevant than I wanted my finale lore drop to be, and by the time canon got to Keyleth's magical healing flowers, I'd more or less decided to scrap it and come up with something else.

It seemed entirely plausible that the Verity would make this discovery. They already know about Ethedok and Vordo, about them being eaten by Predathos, about Ruidus being formed to imprison Predathos afterwards—and they also know that something is brewing with the planes, per Campaign 2 Episode 129 when the Mighty Nein find Planerider Ryn’s notes:

So (and we are fully past theories into the realm of Fic Canon at this point), the Hells have learned that part of the ritual to create godhood is existing on every plane at once, and that Ludinus is aiming to achieve this by collapsing the planes. All that’s left is to put together that it’s not that he’s trying to ascend to godhood himself, it’s that he’s trying to feed the god-eater inside the moon by ascending that moon itself to godhood—bringing it to every plane at once by collapsing them, and topping it off with a dose of the Luxon’s infinite potential and (likely very significantly, although I wasn’t able to explicitly address it in the fic) the “sliver of divinity” itself that is Vax’ilorb. And that by releasing Predathos and killing the gods, he will create an entirely new set of planes to replace the ones he’s destroyed, giving him a whole new universe to rule over.

Now, do I think that this will wind up being true in the campaign? Not in so many words, no. I’ve taken my hypotheses and theories, shaved them down a little bit to fit more tidily into the space of a romance fic’s B plot, and then extrapolated them outwards slightly past what I’d otherwise be comfortable conjecturing if this were purely a lore post. But the result is, I hope, both logically sound and consistent with stuff we know to be true of canon thus far. I’m pretty damn proud of it, and if any tiny glimmers of this end up coming true? Well, then I’ll be even damn prouder.

Some additional miscellaneous information that I couldn’t quite figure out what to do with, but sure felt relevant:

Regarding Ludinus and the Luxon: Team Wildemount learns in episode 58 (i.e. after my fic diverges from canon) that Ludinus used a crystal found under Molaesmyr to open a “channel of consciousness” with Ruidus during a celestial solstice. The crystal was believed to have fallen from an ancient flying city… which tracks with the fact that we know from C2 that Aeor was experimenting with dunamancy. The cast hypothesized that the crystal under Molaesmyr was indeed a beacon.

Regarding the Astral Plane, which contains the Divine Gate: Per a map found in the Happy Fun Ball in C2, Ruidus—or some kind of “ruby circle” that seems likely to be Ruidus—existed in the Astral Sea before the time of the Calamity, ie at a time before the Divine Gate went up (maybe disappearing because of that gate?): https://www.reddit.com/r/criticalrole/comments/u24lzj/spoilers_c3e19_ruidus_mention_in_the_happy_fun/. Unlike everything else on the map, it is not tethered to anything.

The Happy Fun Ball is now owned by Yussa, who is a friend of Ryn’s and therefore may be affiliated with the Grim Verity.

The Astral Sea was the Somnovem’s destination of choice when they planeshifted the Cognouza Ward away from the crashing Aeor.

(c2e45)

Regarding the planes collapsing: Per The Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount (p134), “The extremely rare double eclipse, when the moons Catha and Ruidus overlap before the sun . . . [is linked to the fact that] seers and oracles warn of portents that speak of an uncontrollable planar crossover, where multiple planes might briefly collide.

Regarding the origins of Ruidus: The Tishtan ruins, where the Malleus Key is located, date back to around the time of the Schism, i.e. shortly after the imprisonment of Predathos. Tishtan culture vanished with no explanation prior to the Age of Arcanum. Could the Tishtans have somehow ended up on the newly created Ruidus and become Reilora? We know that the Tishtans built ritual sites around Exandria, and it seems reasonable to hypothesize that those sites were at leyline nexuses. Were they attempting some kind of early version of Ludinus’s ritual to communicate with the godeater inside the young red moon?

Regarding the “beyond” from which the gods initially came: Deanna describes the afterlife as something that “existed before [the Matron of Ravens] and that will exist after her . . . It’s like being a little kid, and you think that your parents are gods . . . and then you get old enough to start asking who made your parents, you know?”

The Matron of Ravens is responsible for death, but if what happens after you die is beyond the purview of the gods entirely, what implications might that have about godhood?

#critical role theories #critical role meta #critical role #cr3 #my fic #mine #gonna add in descriptions to all those screenshots later!

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angelsndragons · 9 months

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so i think i have too many c3 thoughts right now to be entirely coherent so fuck it, we roll. warning: super long post, i insincerely apologize.

while everyone is getting lost in the sauce about the gods and whether they “deserve to live” and whatnot, i think we the audience (and the players to a lesser extent but that’s just my reading) are missing the forest for the trees. because c3 is not about the gods, it’s about our pcs, moreover, it is about our pcs and their relationships to/with power, control, and responsibility. as conflict avoidant (and avoidant in general) as our party is, we need something big and in your face to really delve into their understanding of their issues and the solutions they believe will solve the problems. the gods are only part of the story because they are the biggest, most in your face representation of these issues. the gods have power; do they use it to control others, to control fate? what are their responsibilities when it comes to what their followers do? does any of that even matter in the face of their annihilation? if they have power and don’t use it, what is their responsibility then? adjacently, is free will even a thing when dealing with time and power on a scale that mortals cannot comprehend? and if we “surrender” to that, if we “just have faith” are we ceding control of our own lives to these far more powerful beings and what would that say about us?

these themes are a continuation of what aabria started in exu where she hammered over and over again that power isn’t inherently good or evil, it’s the choices one makes that matter. and if you choose not to decide, if you choose to avoid the issue, you still have made a choice. and you need to own it.

back in the early days, bells hells were all potential, not quite coming into their power and scrounging around for any semblance of control they could manage. ashton told themself that nothing mattered, that everything was shit, and to care was to destroy themself. they chose to just let things happen. chet believed that the only way he could fully control his own fate was to be a loner. fcg thought they were in control and encouraged others, through admittedly not great means, to make choices and take what small control they could, even as they thought choices were not for them. fearne collected, stole, and held things and others too close to keep them from leaving. imogen fought for rigid control over herself, her powers, and her curiosity about said power. laudna avoided the problem altogether; out of sight, out of mind. if she didn’t think about or care about delilah, it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t hurt her or anyone else. orym ceded control of his future to all the other characters and tried to redo the loss of his husband every time he entered a fight.

nowadays? despite their own perceptions of helplessness, they are undeniably powerful enough to make a difference, to make a real mark on the world. and now they have to deal with the responsibility of that power. while also grappling with those control questions that haven’t yet been solved. they’re level 10 characters- the nein were dealing with the happy fun ball, obann and his cronies, and the citadel, for reference. the hells have power, after spending so long feeling powerless and out of control. and i don’t think any of them is comfortable with this yet. having power has not, and probably will not, solved their problems. ashton still has the hole in their head and chronic pain. fearne keeps losing people. imogen is still being drawn to the red moon. laudna still compartmentalizes and is desperately disengaged with her own power and choices. power and control are ultimately separate factors and beasts, is what i am getting at, and having one doesn’t necessarily equate with having the other.

it’s a lot, is what i’m saying. the hells by and large haven’t solved their personal control and power issues so it’s no wonder they are flailing about and rehashing the god question over and over and over again. because the question isn’t really about the gods, the question is about them.

chet and orym have the most straightforward relationships with power and control in the party. orym is regaining control of his life, regaining the ability to lay down what he wants and expects, gaining the ability to lead in the process. chet’s reconciled the betrayal of his authority figure and more than that has consistently and repeatedly owned up to his screw ups and when his lack of control has fucked him or others up. and i think that’s why the pair of them most successfully separate the gods’ power from the gods’ control over the world.

fcg, he who was made to care for others and who now chooses to do so, has gained a relationship with his goddess. not for nothing was the first major breakthrough the one where fcg made a choice, owned it, and followed through. fortune favors the bold, after all, and the changebringer encourages mortals to seize their fates with both hands. through the tentative first steps of self-care, they have also gained more control over themself and their future. they figured out that murderbot doesn’t have to kill or hurt anyone. through the power of someone else helping them, fcg was able to retain enough control to not spiral. and that’s how fcg sees their new mission: the gods have the power to help others (and use it) so he wants to help them. simple, straightforward.

but here it gets murky. because ashton and laudna in particular see power and control as the same thing. they aren’t separate as far as these characters are concerned. if you have power, why wouldn’t you use it? why wouldn’t you control every single thing you could? why wouldn’t you stop this horrid thing? why would you let this happen? where the pair of them differ is that ashton, practically possibility incarnate, has decided to act. has decided that they have been stuck in a cycle of self-pity and wallowing and, well, if the gods aren’t going to act, even on their own behalf, then fine, they will. fuck it. someone has to. he will put ludinus into the ground for what he’s done and then...well, they’ll be a hero (don’t think i didn’t notice your word choices all episode, taliesin, i am watching ashton like a hawk here). through this decision, this acknowledgement of their own vulnerability, of how much they actually have to lose and how much they will have to fight to keep it, ashton has sent themself on the path towards regaining some control over their life. not for nothing have they been so focused on what power and possibilities their head could bring lately. but don’t think they’re doing it for the gods, oh no. they’re here for all the people like them.

but laudna? oh, laudna feels completely out of control. has for a while. her typical avoidance and compartmentalization strategies were completely failing her in issylra. in the face of all of this, she feels powerless. so what does she do? reach for control the only way she knows how: by using someone else’s power and giving them another foothold with which to control laudna’s own life. again. and after? laudna’s overwhelmed, she’s guilty, she’s worried about what everyone else will think. notice that she doesn’t yet seem worried about what delilah could do to her; it’s the betrayal to her friends, how they see her that worries her most. that she wasn’t strong enough, powerful enough, big enough to find another way (never mind that the facts of the situation were overwhelmingly on her side, especially before she called down delilah). that she lost control again. she’s a puppet on delilah’s strings so long as delilah has power that laudna wants or needs, why would the gods be any different in her eyes?

so, strangely in the middle, we have imogen. imogen, who intimately knows that power and control aren’t the same. but unlike chet and orym, in imogen’s experience, the more power she has, the more out of control she becomes. the more power she gets, the more she’s drawn to that damn moon whether she wants to be or not. sure, the circlet helps now but it’s a band-aid, a temporary measure, and imogen knows it. and even it couldn’t completely block out her dreams. the cost she pays for her powers continues to climb (she lost her mother, her best friend and two of her party members were murdered for it, this solstice could end the world because of ludinus and ruidusborn like her, she can’t tell how overwhelmed laudna is without her powers). imogen, who questioned whether the bad guys have a point before any of this really kicked off.

and fittingly outside this strange intersection is fearne. fearne has no interest in the gods, really. she doesn’t seem to care one way or the other. however, she did just receive a vision from the duskmaven which honestly almost seems tailored to her specifically. the duskmaven’s champion, her person, is trapped in unending agony, caused by his love for his person. that fearne understands all too well. what she really cares about is her people, her new family. and so, she’s caught in the middle. because right now, all the group can agree on is that they want to stick together to take down ludinus. so where is that going to leave them, exactly, once he’s gone? where will that leave her, with a potential chet/orym/fcg vs laudna/ashton/imogen split, when she wants them all, when they are all hers? and how will her newly found sense of responsibility play into the next stage of the hells’ fight?

so i think that intersection between power, control, and responsibility is why certain characters are moving forward and why others are stumbling backwards. and why certain characters are gung-ho about saving the gods, others indifferent, while others are finding non-god reasons to involve themselves in the plot.

#bells hells #critical role #cr campaign 3 #bells hells meta #critical role campaign 3 #control parties have control issues re-re-redux #my meta #long post #campaign 3 meta #team wildemount #team issylra

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