Somehow everything that's gone pear shaped ATM is linked back to it being my fault and I'm realising holy shit I really need to be better

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

high school joui 4 shenanigans

Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.

It depends on how the world sees you.

If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.

Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.

Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.

(disclaimer: I am not saying this from a place of hostility to geese)

how did 3-year old you survive feeding geese :( when I was 4 I was feeding ducks and geese (which I was about the same height as at the time) at a local pond and they chased me and tried to bite me until my parents picked me up and ran. I didn't try to scare them and I was a generally quiet child, do I just have Bad Vibes to them or something? or is it something to do with their past experiences/socialization as Pond Ducks/Geese? nowadays whenever a goose or swan so much as starts staring at me I'm like "ok time to go :)"

Without knowing more about the situation, I can't say what particular thing you did, but I can say that geese don't chase people for no reason at all. It's possible you got too close rather than letting them come to you, it's possible you were just plain too close to their nesting site, it's possible you performed a movement that (in goose) suggested your desire to start a dispute. It's possible you were feeding them from your hands and they associated your hands with food, and were simply looking for more food, or attempting to chase you away from the food.

And to be clear, I'm definitely not advocating for people letting small children feed geese, honestly no one should be feeding wild animals, mostly because it familiarizes wildlife with humans and that can be bad, but also because it opens too many opportunities for humans to do the wrong things and end up hurt or scared. As a 4yo, it wasn't your responsibility to know how to interact with geese- it was your parents' job to monitor your actions, the actions and reactions of the geese, and remove you from the situation before it became a problem (or not put you in that position in the first place). The geese are blameless for acting like geese and you are blameless by reason of being 4 years old.

I ALSO want to be clear that being SCARED of something DOES NOT equal HATING something. Hate can stem from fear, and fear can stem from hate, but they are not the same thing. There are PLENTY of people, for example, who are terrified of spiders but who will either remove them from a place with a cup and paper, or fetch someone to do so, to prevent a spider from dying for the crime of being small. You (general) can be afraid of something and still treat it with respect. You do not have to hate the things you are afraid of.

Dogs or Cats?

🐶🐱

MASTER POST

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saying "if aroace people can date, then can lesbians date men?" is absolutely aphobic narrative btw!

I always see posts about people needing a break from Tumblr to escape the toxicity of the sjm fandom (respect, do what u gotta do) but for real that could never be me. I love this shit, tell me why I'm so passionately fighting on the internet with strangers about which fictional characters are gonna end up together 😭 it's so funny to me I love fighting with people (respectfully lol) and it will be even funnier in the end if i'm deadass wrong about all my favorite ships.

no ok we finished episode 2 what they have done to katara is unforgivable. they have completed zapped every ounce of her personality away. why. why. look how they massacred my girl

i said this on my main blog but i have Opinions on sonetto's character growth already thru just the first 4 chapters so here are some of my thoughts.

first of all, despite everything we learn about her and vertin's history in chapter 3, sonetto treats her at the start of canon not even as an equal but as someone to be revered. this makes sense because vertin is the timekeeper, which is a highly respected position, but i think it goes beyond that. it seems like sonetto has barely interacted with vertin since what happened at the end of the flashbacks in chapter 3 - she acts like she barely knows her. to me that makes it feel like she hasn't been closely interacting with her in a while, probably since she became the timekeeper, which means that there's a chance this is one of their first times working together. at this point sonetto is still very focused on the official tasks at hand, trying to deal with the whole regulus thing, focusing on Doing Her Job. this is pre-her being appointed as vertin's assistant so it makes sense that they're working in conjunction with each other instead of sonetto helping her in such a close way.

however. in later chapter 1 and chapter 2, where we really start to see the proper story pick up, sonetto is becoming increasingly connected to the outside world. she befriends sotheby, the first person she's really connected with outside the foundation. the foundation has been her whole life for as long as she can remember, but now she's meeting Real People and making Real Friends. this, naturally, is a Big Deal - this is what starts to turn the gears in her brain that we see finish turning in ch3/ch4, where she goes to bat for vertin directly, going as far as to raise her voice on vertin's behalf. at this point in the story she's finally seeing what vertin wants Everyone to see - that there is so much more to life than serving the foundation.

and then!! sonetto, always following rules, always obeying instructions, is put in a position where the timekeeper Isn't There. she's gone, she's with the manus, and sonetto has to step up as the interim leader of the mission, since she is now the timekeeper's assistant. and she DOES!!! supported by her New Friends!!!! i personally think it would've been extremely difficult for her to make these decisions if she hadn't already been separated from vertin and met sotheby in the forest. already, her personal growth is being spurred on by being outside the foundation in a much freer context.

so not only does sonetto step up, but she makes several crucial decisions, including saving marian. this is a thing i think some people would brush off as just a "protect the peace of mankind" thing but it's more than that to me. right now sonetto is desperately trying to fix the Timekeeper Being Gone situation and she explicitly chooses to find marian, who she knew was being kept somewhere due to the traces of potion, even though there are objectively Bigger Problems. imo this isn't just her following the mantra the foundation promotes, it is also showing that she has already started to Really care about people outside of the main mission and goal at hand. she doesn't need to do that, she could just help the timekeeper get out, but she feels an obligation to not just the foundation's stated ideal of helping the people but to her own developing moral compass, her desire to protect people vertin considers important. that is crucial because we establish very early that vertin considers Everyone important, hence the photo wall and all the memorial stuff she shows regulus. so sonetto saves marian, jeopardizes her own safety, to follow her idea of what the foundation's motto should mean, instead of acting as if the mission is the only thing that matters. she's developing her own view of what protecting the peace means.

and then the end of chapter 2. sotheby, sonetto's first real friend outside the foundation walls, loses her caretaker, the person who was tasked with her safety. she is so far in over her head and instead of sticking with vertin, keeping her head down until the storm is done, and holding herself in place, she goes to comfort her. not for the first time, she leaves vertin's side - in this case the seat next to her at the table - and goes to the other side of the table to sit with sotheby and comfort her. this is representative of more than just her desire to comfort her friends - her leaving vertin's side at the table is a metaphor for her slowly peeling herself away from the rigid conformity the foundation has forced on everyone in it, choosing to stand on her own with the friends she has made in the Real World.

and then, of course, sonetto goes back to the foundation, realizes people are fucking with vertin, and gets Mad. sonetto is notable for being extremely passive unless she's protecting the timekeeper, but this goes well beyond that. in this case she is not standing up for vertin against critters or the manus - she's standing up for her against the people she's listened to without exception for her entire life so far. and she's doing it for vertin, because vertin is not just her boss, she's her Friend, and sonetto Takes Care Of Her Friends. so for probably one of the first times in her entire life sonetto raises her voice at someone in charge of her. she shows resistance against the people who she thinks are hurting vertin, and who she thinks are hurting the rest of the friends she's made.

at the very end of chapter 4, sonetto seems like she wants to say something about everything that's happened, but chooses not to. i have a feeling that she's not making that choice because she doesn't value her contribution. i think she's making that choice because whatever she was going to say was something she thought constantine wouldn't like. and she's starting to understand the concept of going behind someone's back to do things that are really important.

mike-soup --> mikesoup

THE DAY HAS ARRIVED

you know that tweet thats like about when male writers find out their big passionate audience is women and they do dumb shit to punish them? i just saw a version of that post where someone said steven moffat do that with doctor who. and like im not even saying that steven moffat doesnt do that cause i only know his dw work but ????? what the absolute fuck are you talking about. he absolutely did NOT do that with doctor who. like????? if anything he did the opposite???????

university.. university leave me alone

You don't have to respond to this if you don't want to, I know it will start unneeded drama but I just found it soooo interesting that, since the transphobic blog lets you see their likes, most of their likes are TWC related. And it's not like that fandom is notorious for being a toxic hellspace, no sir.

to be frank it's not just twc, the IF space as a whole is pretty notorious for being toxic at this point. whether you're on tumblr or reddit or the forums, you're going to find these kinds of people lurking around.

that was why i did post that person's username because i could see them interacting with various other authors, and it's best to just block them before they send you something stupid, too.

just like any large online community there are going to be a lot of trolls trying to get attention by sending inflammatory messages or leaving cruel comments wherever they can; i've been getting that kind of stuff sent to me or left in reviews or comments for years now. and currently losers online are having a fucking field day with everything that's going on right now - racism, islamophobia, antisemitism, transphobia, even gore, i've gotten it all in my inbox over the last few months and i've seen others get even worse. these people are pathetic and not worth your time. i've gotten better at not responding to stuff like that, but it is hard to resist that instinctive anger, and that's exactly why they do it & exactly why you see it in every single fandom/online space.

all of that to say, just ignore and block them and you'll have a far better time online than if you constantly try to argue or reason with them because they don't care, their only goal is to make you miserable. even if you think you have some epic clapback, it's not worth it, you're still giving them the attention they clearly desperately want and potentially exposing others to harmful rhetoric. just block 'em, babey!

Suuuuuuch a fan of Nancy's hair actually being naturally curly idc if she actually had straight hair for the first two seasons. She was actually straightening it during that time. Nancy told me herself.

*I emerge from my long hibernation from fandom activity to write a detailed heartfelt and emotional series about Tedbecca*