#i can't tell if the pens feel bad because i haven't used them in so long that they're drying out
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hel p
#art#fanart#traditional art#mega man#mega man 3#gemini man#ロックマン#ジェミニマン#aka bitch (derogatory and affectionate)#i can't tell if the pens feel bad because i haven't used them in so long that they're drying out#or they just hate this paper grain THAT much#either way i have to be extra careful using them with lineart with these two pens
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♡~Neediness~♡
(Watch me literally disappear again after posting this, and yes it's another Neuvillette x reader because this man is SO DAMN FINE.)
◇Warnings: Fingering, caressing, pet names, marking, flirty?, ect since I'm lazy and didn't finish *Sorry :(*
•~This is a Neuvillette x needy reader~●
¡!Minors don't interact👹!¡
~Anyways enjoy this lovely evening with Neuvillette ;)~
□Apologies for the mistakes English isn't my native language so grammar might be crappy!□
~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇
You and Neuvillette had a pretty well balanced relationship with each other full of love, affection, and a good amount of intimacy with each other. There were times you did get needy but it wasn't too bad, except this time... Neuvillette was working in his office dealing with more papers as usual while once again you were roaming around the peaceful court of Fontaine. It felt empty and all you wanted to do was spend time with your beloved boyfriend Neuvillette. After walking around for a while you finally decided to walk up to his office, you open the door and quietly closed it behind you. Neuvillette who was sitting at his desk continued writing and stayed focused on the papers, you didn't know if he was just ignoring you or he genuinely was too focused to even realize his lover was standing right in front of him. You sighed softly and put a hand on his desk looking at him.
"Neuvillette..?" You said softly but behind that soft voice was a very needy girlfriend/boyfriend. Neuvillette looks up at you and puts his pen down. "Yes darling?" He responded with a sweet voice as he looked into your eyes. "Well.." you got fidgety with your fingers and Neuvillette knew something was off. He stood up from his seat and walked over to you. "Is something wrong my love?" He moved closer to you and grabbed you by the waist, this made you feel nervous and he could tell. A soft smirk appeared on his face as he pressed his body against yours as he knew exactly what was happening. "I see exactly how it is darling.. You've gotten pretty needy haven't you?" He spoke in a lower tone that made you weak at the knees especially with the state you were in now.
"Maybe..?" You said with a soft blush creeping upon your face. This made his smirk grow wider as his hands gently moved up and down on your sides. Neuvillette then picked you up by the waist and set you down on top of his desk. You looked at him nervously and spoke up "what are you doing Neuvillette..?" He didn't say anything he just looked into your eyes before kissing you, this kiss was sweet just like the rest of them but this time it was different.. it seemed more rough and passionate than they usually were. Without hesitation his tongue slid against yours causing you to let out a weak moan, he watched you desperately grind against his desk as he continued to make out with you. With his other hand he caressed your thigh slowly moving up. "Getting impatient now are we~?" You looked at him with a soft sigh since he had clearly neglected you these past few days. "I know... I'm sorry darling but I can't help but enjoy when you get so needy..~" you then realized the door to his office wasn't even locked and he noticed your gaze shift over to the door. "Love.. What if someone catches us.?" You spoke in a unsure tone, his lips curve into a soft smirk. "Oh sweet girl... I don't have any visits planned so don't worry about it~" his tone was practically laced with honey and his words made you tremble even if they were as simple as 'I love you'.
his hands then slide right back up to your waist and unbuttoned your bottoms sliding them down quickly, his warm breath caressed your thighs made you shiver slightly. His gaze shifts over from your pants on the floor to your thighs that had a sticky residue from your juices when he made out with you earlier, he chuckled softly and looks into your eyes. "My, my, so sticky down there darling~" His hands went back to your waist quickly pulling down your panties too, without warning or hesitation at all 2 of his fingers easily slid right inside you causing you to let out another weak moan along with his name. "N-Neuvillette~!" He just listened to your whimpers and continued to slide his fingers in and out, your little moans were like music to him. After a while, Neuvillette then pulled his fingers out causing you to let out a soft gasp, he then licked his fingers making sure none of your precious juices went to waste. Neuvillette looks back at you and kisses you tenderly on the lips. "Your doing so good for me so far~ soon we'll be at the best part.." He kissed you one last time on the lips then picked you up and bent you over the desk.
(I apologize but I've been busy so follow so you can see more, I'm done writing this post but I will take requests ♡)
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Pen Pal
Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader
Warnings: Slight mentions of homophobia
Summary: You've been Pen Pals with Ellie since you were in 5th grade. Will you finally get to meet her in person?
*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist
Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3
*****
November 3, 2028 (10 yrs old)
Dear Y/N,
My name is Ellie. I'm a fifth grader in Miss James' class in Wyoming. I like Savage Starlight and cookies. My best friends' name is Riley.
Do you have a best friend? Do you like Savage Starlight?
Sincerely Ellie Williams
November 10, 2028 (10 yrs old)
Dear Ellie,
Hi! It's nice to meet you! I love Savage Starlight! My brother hates them though. He never takes me to buy them at the book store :(
My bestfriends' name is Julie! Cookies are cool! I like ice cream. I have a dog. Do you have a dog? Do you like frogs? I like the color pink. Do you like pink?
Sincerely Y/N L/N
June 20, 2030 (12 yrs old)
Dear Y/N,
How's your dog? Joel's teaching me how to play the guitar! I learned how to play a song yesterday! I'm so happy.
Riley and I are planning on going to the fair tomorrow. I wish you could come. I bet you'd love Riley! Maybe some day you could meet her.
I finished the new addition of Savage Starlight yesterday and I'm so fucking sad. Did you finish it? I won't spoil. Let me know if you did so we can talk about it!
Sincerely Ellie!
June 28, 2030 (12 years old)
Dear Ellie,
I have bad news. Pepper died.
She died last night. Mom said she got really old and died in her sleep. Pepper was a good dog. I'm going to miss her.
I'm really sad. I wish she was still her.
I haven't finished Savage Starlight yet. I'm waiting until I feel happy. Maybe in a few days.
Sincerely Y/N
August 3, 2032 (14 years old)
Y/N,
Riley's moving away. She came over and told me today. I'm really sad about it. She's been my friend ever since kindergarten.
She's moving to Boston.
I found an a cute ice cream shop yesterday and thought of you. Maybe some day you can see it. We could get ice cream there and then look at the comic book store.
I can't believe Savage Starlight is fucking ending. I've been reading it since fourth grade. I don't want it to end. How do you feel about it ending?
Love, Els
August 9, 2032 (14 years old)
Els,
I'm so sorry about Riley. That sucks. I hope you guys can still talk.
I'd love to go to the ice cream shop and comic book store with you one day. My brother went off to college today. He's studying to be a doctor. Cool right?
I don't want Savage Starlight end either. I wish it could go on forever. Fucking sucks.
I think you're my best friend.
Love, Y/N
September 12, 2032 (16 yrs old)
Y/N,
I won first place in the art show! I'm so fucking happy. Joel took me out for ice cream with Sarah yesterday. We had so much fun.
Do you think we should start using email? Or texting? Joel got me phone yesterday! I'm so excited! Here's my number if you want to text xxx-xxx-xxxx and my email: [email protected]
I've started working out at a local gym. I love it. I'm going every day. I think I might do something with space when I'm older. I really like space.
Also, I'm gay.
Love, Els
September 18, 2032 (16 yrs old)
Receiver: [email protected]
Subject: Hi
Els, this is my email! I'll send you a text right after this. I'm so happy for you! First phone yay!! Also congrats on the art show!
The gym is fun! And space is so cool! I'm not sure what I'll do yet when I'm older. I'm still deciding. I'm glad you know what you want to do though.
Also, cool! I'm glad you feel comfortable telling me! I love you, Els. <3
My brother's being a fucking asshole. He refuses to come to my birthday party because his girlfriend's parents want to have dinner the same day.
I wish you could come. Maybe some day.
Love, Y/N
May 2, 2034 (18 yrs old)
Receiver: [email protected]
Subject: So
I think I might not be straight. I'm not sure. I've only told you. I can't tell my parents. I don't know how they'd react. I know my brother would hate me. He's a fucking dick now. I don't know why he's the way he is.
My parents have started fighting a lot. Money problems I think. I think my dad might have cheated on my mom too.
I'm excited to go to college next year. I'm glad we got into the same school! We'll finally be able to meet. I've been wanting to meet you for years. Maybe I can finally get away from all the shit that's been going on lately.
I don't know why this all happened so fucking fast.
I hope you're well.
Lots of Love, Y/N
May 2, 2034 (18 yrs old)
Receiver: y/[email protected]
Subject: So
Hey, so I know how you're feeling. It'll take some time to figure out, but you'll get there. No matter what, I'll love you.
You're family sounds like a bunch of dicks. I'm sorry you have to go through that.
I've been talking with Joel and he said I could do this.
Do you want to come stay with me and my family over the summer? Maybe get a break from your family? We could idk finally fucking meet?
Let me know if you want to come to Wyoming. You could meet my friends. Then we could drive up to school together. It's not too far from my house. Maybe day or two away.
Also, I got a girlfriend. her name is Cat. She gave me this cool ass tattoo. I'll send a pic.
__Pic Attached__
Love, Els
My eyes scan over the email again, making sure I didn't imagine what I just read. Ellie just invited me to Wyoming for the summer! There's no fucking way I'm missing this opportunity.
I'm finally going to get to meet her!
My eyes land on the last line. I got a girlfriend.
Fuck.
#fanfiction#fanfic#ellie williams x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie williams x you#ellie x you#ellie williams tlou#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams#ellie tlou
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Roy/Jaime idea: Roy eats something and has a severe allergic reaction to it and Jaime is the one to run and get an epi-pen to save his life, and looks after Roy once he comes out of hospital. Jaime stays with Roy, and winds up never leaving.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. It's been a bad week for me trying to focus. I've only had one allergic reaction to medication as a toddler. I don't remember it. I wasn't there for my nephew's two anaphylaxis events. So I'm just going off what little I do know. Not sure if this is even a real allergy. I have external allergies, like contact allergies and a horrible reaction to bug bites, but that's not the same. I just imagine what that would be like in your throat and oh yikes.
Not beta read
Ao3
Ted Lasso Masterlist
Word Count: 6k+
Paring: Roy x Jamie (Romantic), Roy x Phoebe (familial/platonic, protective), Jamie x Phoebe (platonic, protective) Roy x AFC Richmond Himbos (platonic)
Content warning: Allergic Reactions, anaphylaxis, Hospitals, needles, epipens, medical emergencies, ptsd, trauma reactions
The press will make it seem like I ended your career and then you
Roy does not like people knowing about his life. He likes keeping it that way.
In a rare week where they end up having an extra day off after one of their games gets moved for a different game to be televised. The team only has a half day of training, and they meet up in the afternoon. Roy picks up Phoebe from school and joins them later in the day outside an unusual cafe. One of the guys hands them a smoothie, some fruity concoction a few of them insists Phoebe will like. And it's fine until Roy tells Phoebe to get her bag. When Phoebe looks up at him, she shouts. Jamie and Isaac are on their feet as she scrambles to get her bag.
"What was in that?!" Phoebe asks.
"Fruits and veggies," Someone says. And Jamie gets a good look at Roy and curses. She adds, "He needs to lie down." Jamie and Isaac do as she says and get him flat on the ground.
"Phoe," Jamie starts to ask if she has an epipen but she ignores him.
"What kind?" Phoebe shouts. “He has allergies.”
"Call an ambulance," Isaac shouts.
"Colin already did," Jan Maas says. "He is talking to them now."
Phoebe panics as she looks up at Jamie. “I can’t find it.”
“Does he have one?” Jamie tamps down his inner panic and focuses on what needs to be done.
“Glovebox,” Phoebe says.
“Sorry, mate,” Jamie mutters as he awkwardly gets Roy’s keys out of his pocket and sprints to the G Wagon. He makes a bit of a mess, but he finds an epipen. He rushes back and drops down beside Roy. With little work, he preps the pen and slams it into Roy’s thigh. “You can kick my arse if it bruises when you aren’t half dead,” Jamie says as he looks Roy over. He looked awful. His face was swollen, and his color was off. “But you don’t get to fucking die on me, mate. The press will make it seem like I ended your career and then you. Those pricks love making drama out of shit.” He isn’t sure if he’s talking to keep Roy focused on him being annoying or to make himself feel better.
“Someone see if anyone has another,” Colin says. “Lady says it might not work.”
“Bruv,” Isaac smacks Colin and gestures to where Phoebe stares at him with wide eyes.
“But I’m sure it’ll be okay,” Colin adds.
“He’s a fighter, Phoe,” Jamie says, trying to get her attention off of Colin. “Now, what’s he allergic to?”
Phoebe looks up at Jamie. "He can't have some leafy veggies like he can't use whistles," she tells him. "That's what mum says, at least."
"I got it, Phoe," Jamie says before focusing back on Roy. "Rough day, coach?" Roy glares at him. "When this is over, I'm going to ask your sister what else you haven't told the team that might actually kill you. So far, it's whistles and kale or some shit because clearly you can't be trusted to tell me." Roy growls, but it comes out half wheezed. Jamie takes Roy's hand and puts his fingers on his wrist. His pulse is fast and all over the place, but it's not terrible. "Just try and breathe, ya prick. Don’t want to traumatize the kid any more than she already is.”
Colin comes over to hand Jamie his phone, but Jamie just hands it to Phoebe. "Tell them what you told me." It's good for her to have a task to keep her focused. And she knows more than most of them do with this. Jamie can tell the swelling must ease some because Roy looks a tiny bit better. Jamie takes off his jacket and puts it under Roy's head. "There nice and comfy now, innit?" Roy glares at him again, but Jamie takes his hand again. His grip shifts to hold it in one hand, and still feel his pulse. His other hand goes into his pocket and pulls out his phone. Jamie unlocks it and hands it to Colin. "Do me a favor and call Phoebe's mum. She's in there as Roy Kent's fit sister."
That earns a grunt from Roy. Jamie smirks. "I know. You'll cut my eyes out." He squeezes Roy's hand. "You can yell at me when you can breathe properly again."
"Fuck you," Roy manages now that the epinephrine is working. Jamie grins and carefully sets Roy’s hand down.
"Good news, lads, he lives," Jamie says, standing up. They cheer. "Still going to the A&E," Jamie insists.
Phoebe gives Colin back his phone and moves to sit beside her uncle. She takes the hand that Jamie doesn't keep using to check his pulse and holds it tight. Jamie leaves for a second and comes back.
"I'm okay, kid," Roy says. She hums but doesn't say anything.
"How ya doing, coach?" Jamie asks.
“You lock my fucking car?” Roy asks.
Jamie chuckles. “Yes, I locked your fucking car. Now answer my question.”
"I'm fine," Roy insists. Jamie huffs another laugh. He uses a bandana to wipe the sweat off Roy's now less pale face. Roy grimaces.
"It's clean. I swear," Jamie says. "Can't have big bad Roy Kent looking sweaty, might make some poor medic swoon."
"You're fucked in the head, Tartt," Roy says.
"You don't know half of it," Jamie grins.
"I'm fucking glad for that," Roy grumbles.
"Oh, trust me, you'd enjoy some of it," Jamie adds with a wink. And Roy glares at him.
"He seems fine to me," Richard laughs from where he and Colin stand behind Jamie.
"Yeah, but unless one of you has another epipen, then we better hope that the ambulance doesn't take forever," Jamie says.
"I told you, I'm fine," Roy attempts to get up, but Jamie and Phoebe stop him.
"Sorry, Coach," Jamie says. "Doc's orders."
When the paramedics get there, Roy cooperates because Phoebe looks like if he doesn't, she might cry from where she holds onto Jamie's hand with both of hers. Jamie is knelt down to her level and clearly trying to comfort her. The medics let Jamie go with them to look after Phoebe.
Phoebe stays with Jamie in the waiting room when they reach the hospital.
"You good, Phoebs?" Jamie asks when she sits down.
"Yeah," She says.
"You sure?" He asks again. "Cause you don't have to be. Sure as hell scared me."
"You didn't seem scared," Phoebe says.
"Got years of practice looking tough on the outside," Jamie says.
"Uncle Roy says it's because your dad is a…well," she pauses.
"Bad word, innit?" Jamie grins.
"It is," she admits.
"Well, my old man is a bad word," Jamie says.
"Mine was too, so we have that in common," she states.
"We do," Jamie says as he throws his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his side. "But you're a way better kid than I was. 'Lot smarter than I was. But we don't need bad dads with your Uncle Roy around."
"He's going to be okay, right?" She asks.
"Your mum's here, 'course he'll be okay. Be back to his gloomy and grumpy self in no time. A quid says he's already trying to convince them to let him go because he's fine, and your mum will have to put him in his place."
"You're on because he's not going to argue if mum is working because she is already busy, and she won't put up with nonsense."
"Oh, fair point. Guess we'll see."
Roy might yell at Jamie for gambling with his 8-year-old niece, but Jamie will take that lecture. She isn't as worried or upset as she had been when they got there. So he doesn't regret it. They argue over what the waiting room TV should be changed to, despite neither of them having control over what is on. They both send Keeley texts from Jamie's phone, and they end up looking at magazines and saying who on the team would wear the outfits in the photos and ads.
"Mum!" Phoebe runs over and hugs her mother when she approaches them.
"How is he, doc?" Jamie asks.
"On the mend," she assures him. "Should be able to go home soon. But someone will need to look after him. You up for that?"
"Me?" Jamie asks. He figured Keeley would be the one to do it.
"I think you can handle it," she says with a sly smile. "And I know you'll actually fight him if he tries to do something he shouldn't. He is not the easiest of patients."
"Giving the nurses trouble?" Jamie asks, glancing at Phoebe.
"Ha, no, not in my hospital. He knows better," She says.
"That's fair," Jamie says. He digs a coin out of his pocket and hands it to Phoebe. Phoebe's mum shakes her head. "You guys can head back and see him now." She has a nurse take them to Roy's room.
"Uncle Roy!" Phoebe hurries over to him when they get there.
"Hey, kid," Roy says.
"How do you feel?" She asks.
"Like I don't need to be here anymore. I'm sure there's someone out there that could use this bed more than me."
"You just want to get out of here before the press finds out you're here," Jamie says as he sits in the chair by the bed.
"Probably already on the way if Jamie Tartt was loitering around the waiting area," Roy states.
"Hey, someone had to keep Phoebe from getting bored," Jamie says.
"Fuck off. I'm sure she was the one entertaining you. You can't sit still for five minutes. You can barely sit like a fucking adult."
"Wow, rude, and two quid on your tab, for shame, Uncle Roy," Jamie grins.
"Fucking nightmare," Roy mutters. "Anyone tell you when I could fucking leave?"
"Mum says soon, but you have to go home with Jamie," Phoebe says.
"Fuck no," Roy says.
"Uncle Roy," Phoebe says and gives him a look she probably learned from her mum. Jamie hid his smile behind a drink he had gotten when he had gotten Phoebe food since she didn't actually get to eat at the cafe. He always found it insanely adorable how much sway she had over her uncle. And honestly, it was something Jamie could just sit all day and watch. Because getting to spend a day with his childhood hero and someone he cared for was just something special to Jamie. To see such an honest and genuine version of Roy fucking Kent. Times like these he secretly enjoyed. Although he could have done without the gut-wrenching fear of losing Roy to something as stupid as a fucking smoothie. If Roy didn’t start carrying an epipen on him at all times, Jamie would because they had in a very bad spot if Jamie hadn’t found the one in the glove box.
Jamie listened to Roy and his niece argue.
"What do you think, Jamie?” Phoebe says.
"I'm pretty sure my coach yells at me if I ignore my doctor's orders," Jamie points out, making direct eye contact with Roy. "And that coach is usually you."
Roy groans. "Fucking, fine."
They settle in and watch some cartoons Phoebe picks on Roy's phone while Jamie just scrolls through his. He texts the team to let them know Roy is fine. And after a couple of hours, they get to leave. Jamie insists Phoebe come with them for the night to “help”. He'd left both his and Roy’s keys with the team. Isaac said they’d get Jamie’s car back to Nelson Road, but they’d drop Roy’s at the hospital so they had a ride home. Isaac assured him Colin wasn’t allowed to drive either of them. Jamie loves his teammates, and he lets them know how thankful he is in texts.
Roy is exhausted and feels like shit, but he is happy to be home. Even if Jamie was now in his home. Roy unceremoniously drops down on the sofa. Phoebe is quick to sit beside him, and he smiles when she snuggles into his side. They had a fucking terrifying day, and the look of absolute fear that Phoebe had during the entire incident was burned into his retinas. It would probably haunt his fucking dreams.
“Here,” Jamie says, handing Roy a glass of water and the meds Roy's sister insisted he takes when he gets home. Roy’s neck and throat fucking hurt as he looks up at Jamie.
“Thanks,” Roy says as he takes them. Jamie just nods and goes to sit in an armchair. Roy shakes his head as Jamie tucks one leg up under him. He really couldn’t sit like a normal person, could he? At least the striker had taken his shoes off. But Roy didn’t really mind. Jamie had saved his life and taken care of Phoebe. Jamie could fucking key his car, and Roy would probably let him, today at least. Jamie pulls out his phone and starts typing away at it. After a few minutes, he looks up at the TV and then at the pair on the sofa. Phoebe had turned some kid show on that Roy’s tired brain couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of. “You guys hungry?” Jamie asks.
Roy doesn’t exactly feel like eating. But he hadn’t eaten shit at the hospital.
“You eat?” Roy asks Phoebe.
“Some,” Phoebe says. Roy looks at Jamie.
“She wasn’t exactly hungry, but I did feed her,” Jamie says. He gets up and hands Roy his phone. It had a soup and sandwich place they often got delivered to Nelson Road pulled up. “Your sister says you can’t have much, nothing pointy or crispy, but mines is already in. Add whatever.” Jamie heads back towards Roy’s kitchen. Roy could remember a time that having Jamie Tartt doing anything in his house would have annoyed him, but honestly, he was glad Jamie was there. Roy’s too fucking tired to think about much. He decides to heed his sister’s warning and gets a soup he doesn’t hate. He lets Phoebe pick what she wants before ordering it. He’ll find out how much he spent on Phoebe earlier and pay Jamie back later. When Jamie is gone for a few minutes, Roy considers getting up to see what he is doing, but Jamie returns and hands him a mug of tea.
“Figured you probably don’t keep whatever you’re allergic to in the house, so it was safe to make this. Might help your throat,” Jamie says. “Or make it worse, I’m no expert.” He hands a mug to Phoebe, who thanks him. Roy looks down and can tell that Jamie made her one of the fruity herbal teas that he keeps mostly for Phoebe, and that makes Roy pause. Because Jamie clearly has thought about a lot of details, Roy didn’t expect him to. He hadn’t asked for tea, but Jamie’s right. It might help. He knows Phoebe shouldn’t have caffeine this late in the day, especially after all the chaos of the afternoon. Her bedtime was only an hour away. Jamie had obviously considered that. And Roy has never been so glad to have Jamie around. Ever. Roy takes a drink and relaxes because whatever Jamie adds to it does actually help. He could fucking hug the man if he wasn’t so fucking knackered. And that was fucking weird. He fucking wanted to hug Jamie Tartt. Because he can remember the feeling of Jamie’s hand in his. It had been an awkward hold because Jamie had his fingers on his pulse point, but it had been more comforting than it should have been to him.
Jamie doesn't let him do shit. Doesn't even let him answer the door when the food is delivered. Jamie has Phoebe make sure of it, and it suddenly makes sense why he insists she joins them. Jamie knew Roy wouldn't make too big a fuss if she was there. She had been through enough for one day.
And Roy knows how that feels because Jamie may not have looked panicked while Roy was struggling to breathe. Roy could tell. Jamie’s eyes had been wide and filled with concern. The way Jamie’s hands had gripped him tight. It screamed, 'Don't leave me.'
After Phoebe goes to sleep, Jamie sits on the other end of the sofa and sighs.
“You good?” Roy asks.
Jamie pulls a leg up on the couch and angles himself more towards Roy. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but fuck you for not actually having that stupid epipen on you. Because fucking hell, mate.” Jamie runs a hand through his hair. “That can’t happen again. Was fucking terrifying.”
“Not exactly a fucking walk in the park for me either,” Roy says.
“I get that, but if you don’t start carrying one, then I will, because yeah, fuck that. Not doing that again.”
“You’re serious?” Roy stares at him.
“Fuck yes,” Jamie says, leaning forward. “I meant it. You don’t get to die on me.”
“Because the press will blame you,” Roy remembers.
“No…because…well, forget it,” Jamie sighs. “It’s late, and you should probably get some sleep.”
“What were you going to say?” Roy was surprised. Jamie usually isn’t one to hold back when it’s just the two of them.
“Because believe it or not, I do care about you,” Jamie admits. “Now go the fuck to bed. Because you're going to fucking need it. And so do I because I already know the team’s going to annoy you if you’re knackered. You’ll call drills and ‘m not doing those fucking knackered.”
Roy nods and says, “Fair play.”
They say goodnight.
Roy wakes up to the smell of fresh coffee and leaves his room to find Jamie and Phoebe making breakfast. Roy stops and takes in the scene in front of him. Jamie is making eggs, and Phoebe is buttered toast. Jamie had said something funny because Phoebe is laughing, and Jamie looked proud of himself. Roy gets a sudden feeling of want. And he isn’t exactly sure what that means. Obviously, coffee and food that wasn’t fucking liquid. But that wasn’t the kind of want this was. He wanted this to be a regular thing. To spend time like this. Jamie and Phoebe got on like a house of fire. And that made him insufferably endearing. Because Phoebe liking Jamie means a lot more to him than Roy even thought possible. And Jamie likes when people are happy. Roy used to think Jamie just liked the attention because of his ego. But now, Roy knows that it’s not his ego. Jamie is actually a people pleaser. Jamie craves validation. And fuck the way Jamie grins when looks at him like he is actually happy to see Roy. And Jamie said he cared about Roy. Fuck, it is too early for this many feelings.
"Morning, Coach," Jamie grins. Roy just grunts. "For the man that bangs on my door at 4 a.m. almost every day, you aren't looking much like a morning person." Roy flips him off as he gets coffee, and Jamie laughs. Phoebe giggles too. And Roy gets the strangest feeling in his chest. It stops him in his tracks. The sound of Jamie and Phoebe laughing in Roy's kitchen, even if it is at his expense, gave him fucking butterflies. That was not a feeling Roy was expecting first thing in the fucking morning. He nearly jumps out of his skin when a hand touches his shoulder. He turns, and Jamie looks at him. The jovial mood is gone, replaced by a look of concern on the striker's face. "You good? Jokes aside, you gave everyone a hell of a scare yesterday. If you're not feeling it today, you can-"
"I'm fine, Tartt. Try not to burn my flat down making breakfast," Roy says to redirect the conversation because there was no fucking way he was going to tell Jamie that it felt like his skin was electric where Jamie touched him. Fuck. Roy needed to get his shit together. This was Jamie Tartt—Prince of all pricks. But Jamie had stayed with him since Roy started having trouble breathing. And if he wasn't with Roy, he had been with Phoebe. Never leaving her until she was safe and no longer afraid. Phoebe had told him when Jamie had gone to meet the takeaway delivery driver at the door after they got home that Jamie had kept her busy and made her forget how worried she was when they were waiting at the hospital. That he only left her if he absolutely needed to and always made sure someone on staff knew she was alone so they could at least check on her. Luckily they all knew her mum, so they didn't really mind a few minutes if Jamie needed to make a call or use the loo. But he only did that once or twice because he didn't want to leave her alone in case something happened. And that hit Roy hard. Jamie really did give his all to the people in his life. He cared about Phoebe. He had no obligation to do what he had done, but Jamie didn't seem to hesitate. Just like jamming the needle into Roy's leg. No hesitation because when Jamie Tartt cared, he went fucking hard. Just like on the pitch. Nothing else mattered. He's thinking steps ahead, analyzing threats, and coming up with contingencies. Give that anxious energy of his a task, and it gets done. Not always the conventional way, but it gets done. And his current task was breakfast for the three of them.
Roy’s sister came round to pick up Phoebe after they ate.
Jamie cleans up the mess he made for breakfast, despite Roy’s protest. Jamie just shrugs him off, saying it’s just to keep busy before they head out to training.
Roy drives them both to training.
Roy finds himself watching Jamie more than usual as the team trains.
Jamie goes over as they break for lunch.
“I’m fine, Jamie. You don’t have to babysit me anymore,” Roy assures him as they head inside.
“Great, so does that mean you have no interest in getting lunch with me?” Jamie asks as he heads to the locker room.
Unlike the last couple of meals, Roy does have the ability to say no. To spend time without Jamie, but the more Roy thinks about it, he actually wants to go with Jamie. So Roy follows Jamie.
“I could eat,” Roy says and is glad he did because Jamie fucking smiles at him. And Roy’s stomach flips when Jamie nods.
Roy finds that lunch is an easy affair. They get food at the canteen and find a table. It’s nothing out of Roy’s normal day, but it feels different. It feels comforting. It helped to calm the nerves he’d had since he walked through the locker room doors, and the team bombarded him with questions. His fellow coaches kept telling him to take it easy. The med team checked in with him multiple times, and Roy just wanted things to be normal. The only person that wasn’t actually acting insane was Jamie, but Jamie had been with Roy since he first realized what had happened at the cafe. Jamie had a front-row seat to Roy getting better. And Roy realizes how much Jamie has actually been dealing with while helping Roy. He’d been the one in contact with the team. He was the one fielding two dozen people wanting to know how Roy was doing. Jamie had kept his bosses in the loop and kept anyone from bothering Roy while he was recovering. Roy set his sandwich down and looked at Jamie.
“You alright?” Jamie asks, now studying Roy closely.
“I didn’t thank you,” Roy says bluntly.
“For inviting you to get lunch where we both work?” Jamie asks.
“For fucking everything. For saving my life. For taking care of Phoebe. For dealing with these idiots,” Roy says, gesturing to the team members scattered around the tables of the canteen. “I’m a fucking prick for not thanking you sooner. So thank you, Jamie. For making sure I didn’t die because of a fucking smoothie.”
“Don’t mention it,” Jamie says.
“But I should. You didn’t have to do any of it. You could have just done nothing like most of the people there. The cafe workers barely did shit. You did it. And that’s not something I’m going to just write off. You saved my life. No one has to put on fucking suits and dress shoes for another funeral. You kept me alive. I owe you-”
“You don’t owe me shit, Roy,” Jamie says earnestly. “You’ve fucking seen me at my worst, and you didn’t hesitate to help me. Fucking hugged me, and you don’t hug anyone. You make sure I don’t fuck up and that I keep getting better. The fact you get up at fucking 3 a.m. so you can help me when you really don’t have to. You have done so fucking much for me, even when I used to be such a fucking prick. I can’t ever-”
“You’ve made me better too. You get that, right?” Roy says in all seriousness. “You challenge me the good way, always keeping me on my fucking toes. My sister and Phoebe think you bring out a fucking passion that I’d lost, that and Phoebe is fucking thrilled and keeps asking me if you’ll help her learn to ride a bike.”
“Fuck yeah,” Jamie smiles. “If I could get your stubborn arse to do it, she’ll be a delight.”
“Guess I have to buy her a fucking bike now,” Roy grins.
“Fuck off,” Jamie laughs. “You’ll fucking love every minute of it.”
“Fucking shops always upsell that shit,” Roy laments and goes back to eating, awkward feelings discussion seemingly over.”
Jamie ends up looking through bikes online and which shop to go to. Jamie doesn’t need to go with them, but he’s apparently going to. And Roy is oddly fine with the idea of Jamie joining them. To see Jamie and Phoebe doing mundane shit like he had that morning made Roy’s stomach flutter in a good way.
Roy’s flat is too quiet. He wouldn’t have minded the quiet less than two days ago, but after having Jamie and Phoebe there to fill the space had been something he didn’t know he wanted. Even when Phoebe hadn’t been there, Jamie had. Even when he was just doing dishes, Jamie just had a way of filling the space, making it feel less empty. He would chat with Roy or just fucking exist, and that was enough to make it feel less lonely. And Roy couldn’t believe he was missing Jamie fucking Tartt. He might regret it, but he ends up texting Jamie and making plans for training the next morning. Because Jamie had missed one morning, and Roy was not going to be the reason Jamie slacked off. Jamie hadn’t argued.
The next few days, Roy finds himself talking to and texting Jamie more than anyone else.
Keeley grins as she approaches Roy before their match against Brighton.
“What?” Roy grunts.
“How you feeling?” She asks.
“I’m fucking fine.” Roy is so tired of answering that question. He grunts and waves her off.
“That’s good. How’s Jamie?” She grins.
“He’s fucking ready to fuck up Brighton,” Roy states. “How else would he be?”
“You tell me since you have been chatting him up,” Keeley studies his reaction.
“Fuck off,” Roy glares at her. “I have not.”
“So you haven’t been texting him for the past few days? Like actually texting him when you don’t need to.” Roy just grunts. “Admit it, Roy-o.” Keeley smiles. “You-”
Roy pulls her aside into his office and closes the door.
“Whoa,” Keeley says, looking positively giddy. “You actually do have feelings for him, don’t you?”
“Keeley, you can’t-”
“I won’t tell anyone, but you have to tell him,” Keeley insists. “Roy, he fucking adores you. Always has, but after that shit with his dad at Wembley. And whatever happened in Amsterdam, he rarely talks about anyone else or anything. It's football, whatever PR I am helping him with, maybe his mum and you. I don't know how much he has told you, but that man fucking cried when he got home the other day. Like it was over 24 hours later, and it's like he finally could process everything. And the idea of losing you fucking hit him like a bus."
"He did not tell me that," Roy says.
"Of fucking course not. He probably thinks you'd think he's needy or too clingy."
"Fuck," Roy says as he sits down. He'd thought a lot about Jamie the last few days. But the idea that Jamie could feel the same way had never crossed his mind. Sure, Jamie said he cared for Roy. But they were mates now, and that was enough for Roy. Or it had been. "You really had to do this right before a fucking match," Roy says with a glare at Keeley.
"Sorry, not sorry," Keeley says and goes off to find Rebecca.
They win because Jamie Tartt is a fucking mastermind on the pitch. Knows exactly where the ball needs to go and how to get it there. And Roy couldn't be more proud of him. As Roy makes his way out onto the pitch, he has the urge to fucking kiss the striker in front of a stadium full of fans. And that is a very fucking bad idea. So instead, he hugs Jamie and tells him he did fucking great.
When the team makes it to the locker room, Jamie is flying high on the win and the fact Roy had actually smiled at him and hugged him. And Jamie doesn’t think his day can get better. But Roy drags him into the boot room, and before Jamie can say anything, Roy says he wants to kiss Jamie. Jamie just fucking nods, and then Roy fucking kisses him, and Jamie wonders if he is the one that almost died a few days ago because this has to be a dream because Roy has him backed against one of the shelves. One hand is in Jamie’s hair, and the other gripping his hip, and Jamie can only pull him closer and kiss him back. The door opens, and an amused Will walks in. Roy goes to pull away, but Jamie won't let him.
“Don’t mind us, Mr. Kitman,” Jamie chuckles as he steps to the side and takes Roy by the wrist. Roy says nothing and refuses to make eye contact with Will as Jamie drags him out of the room. “Want to get out of here?” Jamie says lowly to Roy, looking up at him from under his lashes. And Roy answers him by gripping his face and kissing him again.
“Get your shit,” Roy says. “And get your arse in the fucking car.” Jamie fucking moans into Roy’s mouth when he kisses him one last time. Earning a few interesting looks from the nearest players, but no one says anything about it. No one gives them shit. And Roy can appreciate that. Jamie quickly gets out of his sweaty kit and shoves his jacket in his bag because fuck that. He’s in a hurry, and Roy is watching him with amusement because he is less than graceful as he hurries. They don’t say a word to anyone as they leave. They barely say anything until they are locked away in Roy’s flat.
“You know the entire team will know by tonight, right?” Jamie says as he kicks off his shoes and tosses his bag near the wall.
“Fuck ‘em,” Roy says as he takes his jacket off and tosses it aside.
“Rather be the one fucked,” Jamie grins, and Roy growls. “That’s some articulate response there, coach. Didn’t quite get that, did you-” Roy cuts Jamie off with an aggressive kiss. It’s all passion and teeth as he bites Jamie’s lip. Jamie gives him what he wants and opens his mouth to him. Roy pins him to the wall and fucking explores Jamie as well as he can while they are both fully clothed in the fucking hallway. And as much as Jamie would happily let Roy fuck him against the wall in his entryway, he knows Roy’s knee is fucked, and he wants Roy to actually enjoy being with Jamie. So Jamie has to pull away. Roy growls when, again, Jamie slips out from between him and where Roy had him pinned. But his annoyance is gone when he looks over at Jamie. Jamie is already pulling his shirt over his head and heading down the hall.
“You coming or what?” Jamie smirks as he tosses his shirt at Roy. Roy catches it and drops it on top of Jamie’s bag, and follows Jamie down the hall. He tugs his own shirt off as he reaches his bedroom and tosses it aside. Jamie’s trackies are gone. Roy can understand why Keeley went back to Jamie for a good time after they broke up because fucking hell, Jamie Tartt had to have been sculpted by a higher power. And Roy doesn’t hesitate. He’s on Jamie before the smug prick can make a joke about Roy eye fucking him. A breathless laugh is all Jamie manages as Roy gets Jamie in his bed. Jamie is less talkative in bed than Roy would have thought. Sure, he had a fucking dirty mouth, but Roy fucking loves the wordless noises that Jamie makes as Roy methodically takes him apart and fucking ruins Jamie Tartt. The way Jamie moans his name pushes Roy over the edge, and they both end up panting for breath side by side in Roy’s bed. But that has an unexpected reaction from Jamie. Roy had expected him to maybe be a cuddler. Jamie is on his side and looking down at Roy, studying him. And Roy realizes Jamie is a lot less relaxed than he was a second ago.
“What?” Roy manages to ask. “What’s wrong?” And Roy is unnerved when Jamie just shakes his head lays down with his head on Roy’s chest. Jamie is silent. His ear was over Roy’s heart.
And Roy gets it. Roy had been trying to catch his breath. The last time Jamie heard him struggling to breathe was far less enjoyable for both of them. So he runs his fingers through Jamie’s hair silently. But he knows he has to say something when he hears Jamie sniffle.
“It’s okay, I’m okay,” Roy says, wrapping his arms around Jamie to emphasize his point.
"Sorry," Jamie mutters.
"Don't be," Roy says honestly.
"That's the thing, I know you're fine, I really do." He shifts so he can see Roy.
"Bit better than fine," Roy grins.
Jamie huffs a laugh, but it seems half-hearted.
"I know but-"
"But it is an impulsive reaction. No rationality to it. Just you hear it, and you can't help but react."
"Yeah, fucking annoying," Jamie laments.
"It's fucking adorable," Roy says.
"Is not," Jamie says. "Me being stupid afraid is not adorable."11
"It's a trauma reaction, Jamie," Roy tells him. "PTSD shit. You can't predict what triggers that shit. You know that. I think it's adorable because it means even when you aren't worried about what is going on, part of your brain is still making sure I'm not dying."
"Well, it doesn't feel adorable," Jamie sighs. Move until he can tuck his head into Roy's neck. Roy holds him close.
"I'm sure it doesn't," Roy agrees. "But we can work on it. If it's trauma-based, then it'll get better in time."
"Except it could fucking happen again," Jamie points out.
"And we'll fucking deal with it again if it does."
"Roy," Jamie moves to get up. And Roy lets him because he knows Jamie does not do well if he can't move.
"Jamie," Roy says back, and it somehow sounds like a challenge, and Jamie doesn't know what to say now. Roy shakes his head and disappears into his bathroom. He tosses something Jamie catches on muscle memory alone. Jamie looks down, and it's another EpiPen.
"There, and there's a new one in the glove box, and Gayle got two more for Nelson Road. They already have them for public first aid. One is in my desk, and the other is in the treatment room now too. Does that make you feel better?"
"It does a bit," Jamie says.
"Just a bit?"
"Means you took what I said seriously," Jamie says.
"Of fucking course I did," Roy says as he starts to put on a pair of pants. "Did you think I would just shrug it off?"
"Maybe," Jamie says as he gets partially dressed.
"Well, I didn't because it fucking sucked for me but also for you and Phoebe. And the team."
"You also could have fucking died," Jamie says flatly, and Roy goes over to him and pulls him close.
"But I didn't because of you. And I'll try and make sure it won't happen again. Can't fucking guarantee anything, but I will try because I don't want any of you to worry."
"I'm going to worry, just like you do," Jamie says. "Because I care."
"And it blows my fucking mind you do," Roy admits.
"Fuck it," Jamie says and drags Roy towards the ensuite. "We're going to shower, then getting food, and then get fucking dirty again."
"Sounds good to me."
#tw: allergic reactions#tw: Content warning: Allergic Reactions#tw: Hospitals#tw: needles#tw: epipens#tw: medical emergencies#tw: ptsd#tw: trauma reactions#tw: anaphylaxis#roy kent#ted lasso fic#jamie tartt#jamie x roy#roy x jamie#royjamie#phoebe kent#phoebe o'sullivan#phoebe ted lasso
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Tag Game To Better Know You
I have been tagged in so many things by so many of you lovely people in the midst of my sorta-hiatus and I would break the internet if I tried to catch up...but I like this one because it feels like a good little re-intro into the Tumblr world. :-)
What book are you currently reading?
The Writing Revolution...I can't in good conscience recommend it unless you also happen to find yourself as a teacher trying to capture teenagers' imaginations and get them to produce complete sentences! Hahahaha. Miserable toil.
What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?
Ooh, this one's easy--The Little Mermaid!! I have seen it with my family twice and then with my friends once. (I felt a little freer to lust after Prince Eric when my husband and two children weren't sitting there with me...)
What do you usually wear?
These days, some form of athleisure. During the school year, I've been told my teacher style is "Jessica Day if she didn't care so much" and...that about sums it up.
How tall are you?
5′5″ AND A HALF (alternatively: taller than @stolen-pen-name23 which is all that truly matters in this world)
What’s your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?
Cancer...I think? Malala Yousafzai and Henry David Thoreau!
Do you go by your name or a nickname?
Most folks IRL call me Abigail. It's just my brothers, husband, and you guys who call me Abi!
Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?
Absolutely not. I wanted to be a lawyer my entire life. My undergrad was pre-law and then life had other plans for me and now I'm teaching 8th grade American History. And LOVING IT. I start grad school in the fall and I'll be getting my Principal's Certification with that, so I suppose I'm in this education world for the long haul.
Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?
I am tragically married. Sorry to all interested parties!
What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?
I'm fairly good with piano and singing. I'm terrible at cooking.
Dogs or cats?
Dogs forever and ever!
If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?
Oh my. I haven't written as much as I'd like to this year (although I'm hoping to post something before the weekend!!) so I'm choosing to interpret this as the last 12 months. Maybe this bit from walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity?
He holds out his hand, wondering if she’ll bare touching him. “Goodbye, Leia.”
She is not a girl of gentleness—this, he can tell. But she accepts the hand like she’s afraid to shatter it. “Goodbye.”
“Saying my name won’t hurt you, you know,” he says, refusing to be the first to let go.
“Remind me?”
He rolls his eyes. “Anakin Skywalker.”
“Skywalker, you said?” she echoes, and lets their hands fall between them. She opens the door and smiles teasingly at him, tilting her head. “Interesting. That was my father’s name.”
What’s something you’d like to create content for?
I think I'm forever stuck in my prequels hell!
What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?
Ur mom. Okay...sorry. Ahem. I've been sewing more lately. I used ot dabble in high school, but I'm finding more motivation to make things for my toddler than I did to make things for myself.
What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?
The weather recently! It was supposed to rain the past couple weeks and we've not gotten much more than a few minutes of sprinkling. I looooove rainy days, so that's bummed me out quite a bit.
What’s a hidden talent of yours?
I'm excellent at whistling. It's completely useless, but I'll get compared to a Disney princess occasionally, so I guess that's something.
Are you religious?
Yes. My faith is very important to me, but it's *my* faith, so I don't feel the need to bring it up with strangers unless asked about it. (Crazy concept, right?)
What’s something you wish to have at this moment?
A cuppa tea...so I think I'll go put the kettle on byeeeee
No pressure tags: @pandora15 @stolen-pen-name23 @tessiete @ilonga @kckenobi & anyone who wants to join in the fun!
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On a 10 Investigation Check, you come across a well-loved book of paper ruled for writing music. Inside are mostly unfinished songs; lyrics scribbled and rewritten dozens of times, indecisive chord progressions, some pages torn out completely. In between these bardic musings, though, hidden amongst the dissonance, are what appears to be journal entries penned in hasty script.
Who would leave their private journal out in the open like this? You wonder. Someone who feels they have nothing to hide, perhaps. Or someone who doesn't think hard enough about these things.
Your curiousity gets the better of you, and you flip to the next entry you find.
I'm beginning to think I'm a cruel joke the Gods are playing on the world. It's not normal for all of this madness to follow someone's step. If this is what I'm supposed to be doing, why am I so bad at it? I can't even help people properly.
I pray that Roan's heart stays soft despite what he knows now. I hope that leaving the necklace with him helps him heal. I hope this shit town is kind to him, or that he can find somewhere else to be.
Kova and Merc BECK haven't been acting right since yesterday. They've never acted right, really. Kova's always had something to hide, and I've tried my best respectful about it all, I really have. This is different, though. Something's happened that they aren't telling us.
I always have this feeling that they don't trust me to know things. I suppose they're right, considering what I've done now. I hope Blue SHE finds a safe place to lay low for a while. I don't know what I'd do if she got caught because of me.
Kitty is puzzling. I don't know what to make of her. She knows things and she doesn't care to share them. It's odd that nobody finds the talking to herself strange. Am I just being an ass? No. No, it IS weird. They're just being polite, I suppose. Or they're afraid of an answer. I'll figure it out for myself.
I can see the mountains from my window. I can almost hear the hum of Mum's tavern- MY tavern. I miss my bed. I miss the smell of the earth. I miss Mum, my whole family.
Later, we leave to this wretched, water-rotted town. Not a moment too soon. I'll be glad to leave the smell of fish and salt behind me. I don't know where we'll go next, but anywhere is better than here if you ask me.
I can't shake this doubt, though. I'm not convinced that this is what I'm meant to be doing. But who am I to argue with a God?
I just hope Tem was right. For everyone's sake.
You shut the journal quickly, and set it back exactly as you found it. Whoever this belongs to, what they have going on is none of your business.
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𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍
——— BASICS! ♡
(PEN)NAME: Crow(actual name-)
PRONOUNS: They/Them
ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo Sun, Scorpio Moon, Scorpio Rising if that tells you anything sfjksdjdkj
TAKEN OR SINGLE: Engaged to someone who's personality reminds me of the way teddy bears look- soft, sweet, and floofy.
——— THREE FACTS! ♡
1 - I'm a computer science major who wants to go into game design, but I haven't finished the degree yet because brain juice bad. I'm doing my best though!!!
2 - I'm allergic to mangoes because their skin is a part of the poison oak family and my dumbass had no clue until it put me in the hospital as a kid. I could've just said I have a fluffy cat named Juniper but I like making my suffering a joke.
3 - I just came off of a long 4-5 year hiatus in October and all though I'm medicated now as I wasn't before- I'm still a very anxious noodle who has low self esteem with my writing. tldr: pls be patient with me /g I'm but a humble peasant of a bird /j
——— EXPERIENCE! ♡
PLATFORMS USED: Tumblr, Discord, TikTok for those good memes, and Snapchat so my friends can't escape me screaming about things.
PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: ALL THREE
——— MUSE PREFERENCE! ♡
GENDER: ...This one is a toughy because I lowkey write canon male muses on discord with my bestfriend, but- non-binary and women muses are what I write the most publically. I DID write Alois Trancy once.
LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): your mom /j forgive me the temptation was there but no really I don't have any faceclaims like that and even if I did I haven't ran into them yet.
——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡
FLUFF: y e s please. I love that shit. Gimme.
ANGST: Yes, but most of all hurt/comfort angst. That's my jam. Angst with a happy ending just *chef kiss*.
SMUT: casually stares at the flithy smut on discord yes, but I need to feel comfy with the mun first. we've had to have talked ooc in some capacity. not like i have to have heard your life story, met your parents, and made a lifelong friendship pact type know you and talked to you, but just... enough to where I'm familiar with you LMFAO.
edit: I do wanna hear your life story anyway though I do be here to make friends to-
Tagged by: @charmaine-san
Tagging: anyone who wants to do this!
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silly c!tubbo poem thing?
it's more a journal entry. like, give ctubbo a journal and a pen and he'll write this probably.
-> pre-ghostboo, post-mansion, canon-divergence, lots of fluff and maybe a suicide mention for good measure.
thingy thing below the break :)
-
it's been harder to tell the difference
between dreams and reality these days,
especially when everything's kinda of blurred
into this haze of a life that i never thought i'd live.
i mean, it's fucking bizarre how many stars had to align
to get me this mansion and this child and this husband—
and the two fucking fireworks to my face,
what a fucking miracle that was.
it snows a lot here so we tend to stay inside—
just the three of us—
and i can't even remember the last time i've felt peace,
but the quiet evenings by the fire are pretty nice.
ranboo and michael like to make snow angels,
and i like to let them bury me in the snow.
it feels safer there, and kind of warm.
it's a nice place to hide while they sword-fight with icicles.
good thing our bed is warm—
and how crazy is that?
not my bed but our bed—
as in ranboo and me sharing a bed.
but yeah, he's so warm at night.
i thought he'd be cold but he's not.
he's so warm, and his hands are soft, and
it feels nice when he runs his fingers through my hair.
i haven't washed up in a couple days,
and i've been working lots— maybe too much—
so i'm covered in shit all the time, but
he still gives me forehead kisses, so that cool i guess.
fuck, that's right,
i was gonna talk the nightmares—
about the explosions in that little box.
i still get them lots, you know.
it's so silly because it's been over a year,
but for some reason my mind really likes that record.
it likes to play it on repeat, but i don't like it,
but i don't really have control over that, so whatever.
it's really scary when it happens, because
it really feels like i'm there again.
i'm in that box again and techno's got his gun to my face again
and i see the flash and i hear the crack and it plays in slo-mo sometimes.
those dreams make my face feel all hot and sticky,
and i feel so ill when i have them.
sometimes i get properly sick.
it's not very fun.
it was really not fun in the past.
tommy's told me all about it because
he was there when i first got them.
we both had panic attacks and that was awesome.
but yeah, he helped me and i helped him,
and we got through it, so i think that's why he didn't
bully ranboo more when i first met him because
ranboo got to take his place so he wouldn't get panic attacks anymore.
then tommy got them for a different reason,
but that's besides the point.
i still feel bad about that.
it makes my hands feel cold and sweaty.
the nightmares happen less now tho.
thank gods ranboo's still got me
when i wake up screaming.
it's a bit of a routine at this point.
we always wake up at the same time on those nights.
he'll pull me into his arms and bring my head to his chest;
he'll run his hands through my hair; i'll be warm in his arms—
not hot, just warm. he's hot and i'm warm.
sometimes michael wakes up, too,
and the walls and floors and cupboards must all wake up, too,
but michael is only one who can walk in— so he does— and he'll say: "bo's yellin' again."
so ranboo will lift him up into bed
and we'll all cuddle up together,
like we do by the fire,
and everything will be fine for once in my life.
i feel a bit bad sometimes—
in the morning i'll tell ranboo that i'm sorry for waking him,
because it takes so long for him to sleep, you know,
but he'll wave it off with the soft hands and the warm voice.
i'll make him tea tho because he doesn't like my verbal apologies,
but he likes tea with milk and sugar so that'll do.
we'll sit by the fire and watch the icicles melt,
and he'll have tea and i'll have coffee.
things'll blur together—
but things'll be good—
like when the cream mixes in with the tea
and the coffee.
i hope that i don't have to bury him
and he doesn't have to bury me—
not in snow, but in dirt;
i hope that we both go down together.
those fireworks took out more than just me—
they can take us both out, surely.
maybe i should call techno again—
or i could test out that new switch.
not now tho because ranboo's making soup
and i've gotta have that first.
his soup is so good and michael likes it too;
michael is a picky eater
i used to be a picky eater, too,
but i grew out of it.
i think i might be growing again—
but maybe in the way that the icicles that melt.
yeah, like the icicles.
it's so warm outside.
it's warm inside.
the snow is warm.
maybe we can play outside today
and make a snowman.
i've got some work to do.
i'll bury myself then after lunch.
okay, plans are set.
i'll see you then.
byebye!
#my very bad ideas#c!tubbo#c!ranboo#c!beeduo#qpr cbeeduo me thinks#but can be interpreted however you want#just know that ctubbo loves his husband and their son very very very much :)#might expand on this idea at some point. i miss them very much
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IT HAS ARRIVED and is working (thank you again @bluef00t !!!!) and as you can see, omg... it's so big... (medium technically) It's def gonna take a tiny bit of getting used to using a tablet this size since I'm used to being able to travel my screen in half the distance, but I can already tell it's much nicer to use because of the size, much less cramped... and it's a fun color! almost makes up for the fact that I can't get a pink laptop these days 😂 (my old laptop was pink 😔)
The whole thing feels really solid too, like, even though it was only 80 bucks it's so much nicer feeling (and looking) than my old Bamboo tablet... like the pen especially is so much more ergonomic AND it has a rubber grip? luxe
the pen buttons are also really clicky and satisfying which is a nice step up from the kind of mushy buttons on the side of the bamboo pen barrel lol
it doesn't have an eraser or anything (but the bottom button is set to swap to it) but I don't mind that too much since i frequently just use my nib to erase anyway so once I get used to it not being there i don't think i'll mind much at all
haven't tried to draw anything for real yet but I've played around testing the pen feel and... the pressure sensitivity though... you guys... i knew increasing sensitivity x8 was gonna be different but it feels so much more responsive 😂 the nib feels pretty nice. I know some people don't like the kind of nibs that have give but I'm already accustomed to that style of nib so it doesn't bother me at all. It's interesting though cause it's shaped different and the way it gives feels like... softer? almost like using a felt pen, which is interesting. It feels pretty nice to me though, and it seems like it's much more responsive with a lot less pressure so I'm hoping this helps me stop pressing down so hard as well, since it responds so smoothly to very light pressure and can put down pretty firm lines more easily (i did try adjusting pressure on my old tablet recently, but it just felt really bad so it didn't work out, but this feels really nice by comparison)
it's like i've been drawing with a rock for 12 years and someone just gave me a pencil for the first time 😂
like I COULD get fine lines like that before but it was much less smooth and not nearly as fine in terms of control and taper (like the dropoff between fine lines and no lines at all)... wow drawing with a modern and current tablet is much nicer it turns out 😂
i do have to put some training wheels on though 😂😂 my old tablet only had four express keys (plus the two pen buttons) so having TEN whole buttons is like, whoa, need to learn a new layout, but very nice to be able to have both undo AND redo instead of just one 😂
i think for me the ideal number of express keys would actually be 13 (for copy, cut and paste lol) but having 10 is really nice
(i put shift on there because previously shift was on my lower pen button alongside right click so that i could draw straight lines without using my keyboard, but pen gets eraser instead and i think it will be more comfortable to press shift with my left hand instead of holding it down on my pen)
(not that i use that SUPER often but i do often enough for it to be useful)
also the touch bar is going to be SO useful??? being able to zoom with my finger... yes..... amazing.......
also the two media keys (touch buttons??? whatever) on the far right are actually basically a dedicated alt-tab and a button to go to desktop
which is also... super nice actually cause using my pen to navigate between programs is a huge pain in the ass so being able to alt-tab sounds super useful... i really like this.... i'm glad i specifically chose the one with the media keys cause I KNOW i will get a lot of use out of them, considering how often i use the media keys on my USB keyboard and how much time i spend listening to music👌
anyway i'm really looking forward to using this for real, it's nice to modernize 😂 and i will try to be very careful not to drop it 😅
#very psyched to have this#can't wait to *checks notes* draw fine leg and chest hair more easily#LOL#nadia rambles#arghphoto
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I really want to get into art and draw—how did you start, and how did you get to where you are today? I’m stuck, have no idea where to begin. I almost bought Procreate for my ipad, but realized I would have been way in over my head (I’ve never done anything at all with any art programs ._.)
Ah! How wonderful that you want to learn how to draw!
I started to draw when I was very young, but don't let that stop you! Starting now just means that you probably can have more discipline and learn faster than just drawing as a kid that can't really tell what's wrong with their drawings (that was me).
Naturally, I started drawing on traditional, in notebooks, with pencils and pens, but I can't really say if it's better to start learning one way or another...
What I can recommend to you, is to start drawing things that you love or you'd love to learn to draw. Favorite characters? Nature? Buildings? Animals? Then start searching for tutorials that can help you to learn based on that.
For example, if you like certain characters and you're interested in drawing them, you can search for tutorials on how to draw a human body (or a bust), if it's cartoon/comic/anime what you want, or if it's realism, maybe you even can find a tutorial about that specific character.
To be honest, I don't watch a lot of tutorials, that really isn't for me I guess, after all these years and I haven't learned to sit down and watch a video to learn...
But you do what's best for you! If you're like me and don't like watching video tutorials, then you can check tips in the internet, steps by steps, other's artists process... You learn to see the details and shapes in things! and pick them up
Now, I warn you, learning it that way will probably be slower 😅😅
What I always insist with my friends (specially those that draw cartoon/comic/anime things) is to draw something original, not just copying an image. (That well, that is fine to start somewhere, you can learn basic shapes and understand a style, but if you keep doing it, you won't learn to do it yourself, and you won't have a style yourself, you'll just be good at copying images).
Don't feel pressured about making it perfect the first times, it might take you months, or even more to feel that something is decent enough for you. The trick is not to give up! A lot of the people that I know that stopped drawing didn't do it because it was hard, but because they're weren't learning 'fast' enough.
(This was me when I was like... 12 years old, I think?)
(And I think I was 16-17 years old when I drew this)
(And here's a sketch from 1 or 2 months ago, didn't mean for it to be a redraw, but it kinda looks like one, right? haha)
Art is a long long journey, one that you probably won't see the end of it, since you can always learn something new (I'm still learning and improving myself)
Maybe you'll notice more improvement in some areas than others (like, for the style I use in the last two images, doesn't seem like a lot changed, but the coloring! and also the time it took me to finish it, learning to draw something faster is also an improvement!, besides, what you can't see in that specific comparison is that I learned how to draw another style that I couldn't dream of achieving when I was 16 years old)
So, draw what you love! And is ok if what you love changes eventually
Just keep creating! (And please do not fall for that beginner tip about drawing everyday! Is not about exhausting yourself, is about learning something new when you try to draw something! Is also ok to find a comfort thing to keep drawing, you can also have breaks and just create to create, don't feel bad if is not always something new❤)
Wish you a beautiful journey creating art! ❤
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14, 15, 16 because I like your answers ❤️
🥰
14) do you ever mark/dog ear books you own?
I haven't dogeared a book since I was 15 or so; I have a blank deck of playing cards that I use as bookmarks. & I do write in my books, but only ever in pencil because it's less distracting than pen/highlighter and I can't draw a straight line to save my life. Eraser companies love me.
15) recommend and review a book.
I know I just talked about my preference for translations that stick as close to the source text as possible, but I'm recommending a book that.....very much does not do that.
Last summer, I pulled Herbert Mason's Gilgamesh: A Verse Narrative off the shelf of my local bookstore where (it being a used book) it fell open to page 15—which is actually page 5—without prompting.
Gilgamesh was king of Uruk,
A city set between the Tigris
And Euphrates rivers
In ancient Babylonia.
Enkidu was born on the Steppe
Where he grew up among the animals.
Gilgamesh was called a god and man;
Enkidu was an animal and man.
It is the story
Of their becoming human together.
...It is the story of their becoming human together.
I got exactly that far before I walked up to the counter to buy the book, and then I went home and read it through without stopping except to set it in my lap and take several deep breaths as needed.
I know jack shit about the Epic of Gilgamesh, okay? The book cover was pretty, so I looked at it. I had a vague idea somewhere in the back of my mind that clay tablets were involved, but Herbert Mason's retelling remains the only Gilgamesh-related thing I've read other than glancing at the Wikipedia page. I know very little, and not even enough to tell you in what ways his retelling differs from a true translation. I just know that it's beautifully written—so much so that I, the translation-obsessed person that I am, haven't sought out anything else.
I know, I'm shocked too.
BUT IT'S THE STORY OF THEIR BECOMING HUMAN TOGETHER.
Gilgamesh: A Verse Narrative contains a story that's older than I can fully comprehend in my silly little 21st century brain, and it's somehow still immediate. It's friendship and loss and desperation and it's all right there; you feel it.
The fact is that I'm not very good at digging my own words out to describe how much I love something. I reach for direct quotes that seemed themselves to reach inside me and yank, (for instance: "you will recognize yourself in him, as in a clear stream you see your own face") in the hopes that there will be some echo of that feeling when other people read it, too. My attempts at reviews are always less "here's why" and more incoherent shoves in the book's direction. This is no different.
Go read it. It's great.
16) how many books have you read this year?
Not as many as I'd like! I don't know the exact count, since my family sees my goodreads and there are some books I just don't want to cop to in front of them, but like. 20? maybe? Not a ton, and I've probably started and given up on that many once over again. (I am technically in the middle of several different books at the moment, most of which I'll end up restarting at a later date. For someone who loves books, I am very bad at reading them.)
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1/14/23
Today was pretty relaxed. But just... off. And considering it was a Friday the 13th, I'm not that surprised.
I tried to get this suction cup rack put in in my shower, and it worked really well. Until like an hour later when I heard a huge crash from upstairs when it fell into the bathtub. That really frustrated me, I've had a lot going wrong for me lately and I was pretty excited to actually make a difficult thing work, and then it just... literally fell apart.
On the flip side, I got a master task list put together on my PC, so that's good.
I woke up really early because I was too hot and couldn't get back to sleep. It was snowing, it was really beautiful. I decided to keep going with Rimworld, it was pretty fun.
I sorted the tumbled stones a bit, they're nearly all ready for the next stage, I'm just putting the big ones back in for a day or two to let them shape a bit more.
I pulled up my Instacart order from Michaels last night and finalized it. After the whole shower debacle, I said fuck it and ordered. The woman took like... over an hour to shop for shit and fucked up two things on my list. I don't know what happened, I wish she like messaged me or something, because the primary reason I placed that order - pushpins - guess what. She fucking replaced them with thumbtacks and didn't tell me. The same wordage mistake that I made for over a decade. It was like some sick divine joke.
So... I'm gonna have to just suck it up and go for a drive tomorrow. Which means digging my car out, but it's better to do that before the snow melts and ices to the windshield than after.
But hey, check this out, I got some work done on my hoodie. Haven't worked on that in a while. So, that was good! And since I'm taking a trip, I'm thinking I might go to the pharmacy and see if I can find a bleach pen in addition to these pushpins. Ugh. I swear, look at this damn situation and how it played out.
Start - The best tool I have used to help with executive functioning is my whiteboard. So, in order to help unfuck my life and feel a better sense of orientation and accomplishment in my isolation, I really need to get it up and running.
Plan - Get something to mount the whiteboard on the wall.
Steps - Compare hanging materials. I leaned towards Command strips so I didn't put holes in the walls and... I don't have pushpins, even though I know they work. Turns out the whiteboard frame is too big to use the Command strips I have.
New plan - Order pushpins. Place order, wait 2 hours for delivery. No pushpins.
New-new plan - Say fuck it and drive somewhere tomorrow.
Like... this shit costs $2.50. And I can't fucking get my hands on them. It's driving me crazy.
Okay, I'm gonna level here, as I'm sure it's a bit noticeable in my stripped down writing tonight. I'm fucking exhausted. And now a bit more pissed off about just... stupid simple stuff going wrong.
Silver lining? I started to do research on good luck and good fortune symbols. I have a bunch of sigils and glyphs and shit around to ward off bad spirits and whatnot, but nothing to invite good luck and good fortune. I am... really unlucky. So, honestly, worst case scenario is these good luck charms or whatever are a bunch of crap and don't do anything. Big fucking loss, who cares. Oh no, I spent a bunch of time making cool art that doesn't have magical powers, oh noooo... And if it does somehow inspire good luck? Hell of a bonus. I'll roll the dice on that shit, fuck it.
Sleep time. Zzzzzz.
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(Dragon is our last name in Bulgarian)
I understand that you think you are above it
That there’s no law meant for you
Do you think we’re a book?
Thinking of you is another way of dying
I’ll be the last thing you said.
I’m your sister
We only pass this way but once
You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down
(Get out of my house!)
I am the concierge chez-moi, honey
Won't let ya in for love, nor money
This _______ _______ chick just put my spine out of place: wham, bam
So I said "So long" and I waved "Bye-bye"
Cause my head's a dictionary of your broken chairs (12:09/3:09)
“Every finger in the room is pointing at me.”
It's only teenage wasteland.
They're all wasted! First you look so strong then you fade away.
“Bring a Coleman lantern and a radio and watch with me from the shore.”
every night for a thousand more i hear them calling
“Contact, I hijacked the frequencies.”
Lights out! Guerrilla radio! Turn that shit up!
All you pen devils know the trial was vile
Druids
There is a lady all in white
Holds me and sings a lullaby
I don't feel so bad now in the car
Are you scared of the thought?
There's a heavy cost to letting someone else call the shots
Tell us what you've learned
I reached out when I heard you call my name.
But now I’m pointing the finger and maybe then you’ll see the truth
Got a big fat lawsuit and everything
I want my bucks for restitution
And it's the Rebel and the Devil, and one of us is goin' to Hell
I wish to God that I had've been healthier mentally
Tessie turns tricks because love left holes
And four swell kids breaking her heart
Oh, sorry, you haven't heard? We are the children of the new world.
The revolution begins and ends with you. If you stopped being so feeble you could have so much more.
I'm such a fool for sacrifice
It's coming down
Can't stand still while the music is playin'
Hey, she got the way to move me
Got myself arrested
communication failed
Wrote a song for truth
When I couldn't even talk to you
Then I heard you scream
I saw a you I didn't want to see
One of many children
Jumping out of my flesh, and I said “Cash in! Cash in now…..Baby”
There's 666 on the kitchen floor
Getting fat on your own fear
Bring that beer over here
I stomp on the floor just to make a sound
Big fish/little fish why you always ragging on the man
We carry the same wound
But have different cures
Your soul filled with mud and bats and curses
Men you could trust will fade like children's drawings
Your boss will fire you
The police will jail you
Your soul will feel so bad, that you know it will not ever quite live again and there'll be nothing you can do
When I'm dressed in white
Send roses to me
Remember that's called a one way street
And you can't get it down without crying
the miracle is having 5 women in love with you at the age of 55
I am bitter sometimes
but the taste has often been
sweet. it's only that I've
feared to say it. it's like
when your woman says,
"tell me you love me," and
you can't.
I will be locked in the arms of a crazy life
justice is everywhere and it's working
But now we can testify
We can make it if you don’t quit on me
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Community Label Update, plus a rant about this hellsite
Long post; TLDR at the bottom.
I have spent a lot of time today marking all my explicit material as such, I began writing in February of this year so it's been a lot of work. If I've missed one, please let me know.
You will not see any old or new writings that contains mature content (sex, drugs and violence) from now on unless you have community labels set to show.
I have noticed a huge dip in engagement in my long running Jax Teller/Reader series, I imagine this will spread now that I have taken the time to mark everything that has to be marked.
I haven't decided how I feel about this, I love that Tumblr is doing more to keep mature content away from minors but making show an op-in for those over 18 is very unfair. There were ways to do this that didn't lead to content creators having their legs cut off.
I am not the only one who has had unending problems with this website, from posts not showing up in tags to tag lists and taking users not working to links not working and inboxes appearing empty while the inbox says messages are there. My frustration is growing because Tumblr is adding features that no one has asked for while not fixing problems that people have been begging to be solved.
This is not a post about my followers or my mutuals; I am floored every day with how people on this website support each other. The people that like every post or take the time to reblog and comment (long, short, clear, nonsensical) and send requests are the reason I can still put pen to paper so to speak.
I put my heart and soul into my wirtting, especially my series which I write for me. It genuinely hurts me when I know there are people out there who also like my passion projects but can't access them because of bad management.
Why not put community labels in for things that trigger people like abuse, an Ao3 style tag system would be great because I go out of my way, I agonise, over making sure I tag triggers properly. I would love to be able to check a box and have something triggering never end up on someone's feed. Sure I can tag it but I'm not perfect and I can miss shit.
I'm an adult, I have been for a while. I don't need anyone telling me what's appropriate and what's not. Since I'm an adult I control my own space, if I see something I don't like, I stay away from it. It's not nice being treated like a child by a website that misses the mark in looking after it's users over and over again.
This is not about keeping the kids safe; it never is. Because if it were about keeping kids safe, community labels would only apply to minors. If this were about keeping kids safe, Tumblr would have given us crystal clear guidelines about what is mature and what isn't. If this was about keeping kids safe, they would get predators off this website.
@staff please listen to us, we are the reason this website exists, we are trying, but you're not making it easy.
TLDR: Just marked all my smut as smut, even the old stuff. Staff need to listen to us more and I'm a grown up and so are most people on this website, treat us as such.
#non fic stuff#sp talks#tumblr#writters on tumblr#writting#fanfiction#community labels#hellsite#writing#fanfic#tumblr staff#tumblr sucks
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𝑷𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑨 𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑫: Message from your inner magic!
- Admin Sun ☀️
Instructions: Focus on the energy of asking for guidance and choose the pile that calls to you intuitively! If it's more than one, then read them!.
My style: I used tarot, and oracle cards (I used the star dragon oracle, believe in your own magic and the angelarium) and a lot of my intuition!
Disclaimer: keep what resonates with you, english is not my first language so sorry in advance if anything is weird sounding, hope this helps if you have any idea for a pac please send me an ask or dm!
Pile 1
First of all, you haven't listened to your inner magical self for some time, they're telling me that there is this disconnection between the two of you. I see a lot of stress or anxiety for some projects not going how you want it or people don't listen to you about the things that are important. The first thing this magical you wants to tell you is that please, please make the change, you can't continue expecting someone else to fix things, to people behaving the way you wish, or for someone to save you (I know it might sound harsh) but you have all the power here, you just need to speak and found the right people that are willing to listen, and stop loosing your power on ears that are shut down for you. This is the time to start a new way of living, they're asking you to start something new, maybe a new creative project, a see a lot of "cottagecore activities" like sewing, knitting, and embroidery. The way you connect with your magic is through creation, you literally put magic in the things you do with your hands, I see this inner magic of you as a big sun or flame in your interior, and every time you make something a little bit of gold dust fells in to make it come into magical life. There is someone willing to help you with your creations/projects, I sense a best friend or even a platonic soul mate that will be your partner in this discovery of your magic craft, but first, you have to listen to what it wants to create, the rhythms of heat and passion are inside you let them free now. As a final message, I have that if you ever are criticized, misunderstood, or disrespected by anyone around you, call upon this magical flame and rely on your connection to fire and light to see through the dark times.
Channeled words: “Life is nothing without a little chaos to make it interesting - Amelia Atwater-Rhodes", hairstyle, mirrors, kintsugi, stallion, catita, 417, red orchids, la paura del buio, lemon cakes, pen pals, ginger, in the deep forest, shadow work.
Pile 2
So, someone has been manifesting lately, well I have good words, they're coming and fast, but only the things you are wishing for yourself and not to impress others or because of the opinions of others, what do I mean by that, like for example the partner you're manifesting is because you deserved to be love and you want to love someone or because you don't want to be alone, or because someone put you on the idea that being single is bad, the same goes with work and others desires you might have. So ask yourself, Why am I manifesting these things?. But there is a change coming for sure for the better, also the person (I feel is a bad friend, maybe an ex) that hurt you and has been bothering you will pay his karma, and it'll be divine justice, but sweetie you have to understand that you can't keep giving people seconds chances or using your time to check one them, unfollow them, blocked them, do whatever it takes, they're taking to much of your energy and they don't deserve it. I feel your inner magic is attracted to things that are not so common, that are different, so reach out for what your soul and magic self wants and needs, I feel you're being called to a particular path or way of living life, it may not make logical sense for the rest even sometimes for you, but honor it, you might have engaged in negative behaviors in a misguided attempt to heal others or to make yourself feel better in the eyes of someone else, but is time to have a drastic change, to embrace what you really want to manifest in your life, and to make it your own, your inner magic has particular gifts to share with you, but first, you have to promise them to deep the soulful connection with your true self, and embrace every different and may I say "dark" aspect you may enjoy and have. The path is opening for you, the time is moving fast to bring you closer to the future you want, use it!.
channeled words: falling star, tea leaves, bones, justice, Bruno from Encanto, cheating, the innocent by aurora, Hecate, dancing barefoot, 4 am, tattoo hands, south wales.
Pile 3
The
first thing that they're telling me is about your head being too deep in your problems, something about not letting go of things of the past related to your family, like the relationship with your parents or your grandmother. Like this feeling of "well, I can't do this because of the way I was raised" or "I have abandonment issues because of my dad, so that's why I have trouble trusting people". The thing here is, you can choose to live your life making excuses for the way you live today and act like a victim of your family or you can choose to break these patterns and use your energy to clean your path instead of blocking it. I know it is hard, I, myself, am going through the same process with my mom. But your magical self is asking you to use your magic in standing for yourself and getting out of this type of situation, to enter a new path and a new way of loving yourself not as a victim or as a member of the family of your parents, but as an individual capable of going in the direction they want and having what the want. Maybe you can do a cord cut ritual or a Familienaufstellung therapy, or even some genealogy/ancestral tarot. I remember something my grandpa used to say: "Sometimes to travel far, the traveler needs to put down his pack and just keep walking." You're not in this world to carry the problems of your family or to meet their needs and expectations, don't accept the rules you have placed to yourself or that others have placed on you, choose the paths that sets you free and lead you to happiness. Be kind, forgive others, yourself and give yourself permission to be forgiven.
channeled words: keep going, coffee shops, candles, magic shop by bts, Mikasa, mermaids, the little mermaid, brave, drop out. no roots - Alice merton, long hair, the little prince, Endurtaka mig - dadi freyr, nona.
Pile 4
A lot of capricorn energy here. First of all, your energy is super powerful and is asking you to start right now. That huge project or idea you have dreamed of since childhood, is probably that you're or are entering your Saturn return, so that's why it is super emphatic with "Now" being the right time. Let go of hesitations and explore the future you envisioned for yourself. I would say that your fears and hopes often turn out to be one and the same thing, which is why a hope or a dream remains only a hope. If you weren't afraid of it in some way, you would have achieved it already, because you have all the tools to do it. So the first step is to think before judging yourself by those fears and practice a lot of self-love, a lot a lot, then to paint the mural of your future again. It is weird because all the piles are talking about the same in one way or another, about being honest with what we dreamed as children. I think it is because we believe in our magic as children, so you need to connect yourself with what your inner child wants and what your inner teen wants to explore, honor them, to honor yourself, be the protective and guide adult they need it, your magical self craves to express itself through your goals and achievements whether you wish to express yourself creative, logical, as leader or whatever, now is the perfect opportunity to take deliberate steps towards your life purpose. I see a lot of children's activities, like looking for bugs, exploring, painting with our fingers, playing with your imagination (maybe something like d&d) to connect with your child & teen, ask them and ask yourself if there is something that would worry them about taking this step, and if so what is that exactly?, but remember the world and the universe is with you to help you accomplish this things so be brave!
Channeled words: oranges, reading to sleep, clear, cooking together, fluorescent adolescencent - artic monkeys, snap out of it-artic monkeys, 7th grade, braids, childhood crush, tom & jerry, painting and wine, Dante, Scouts, England, Concepción.
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My Seven Sins: Greedy little monkeys
Tagging as requested: @humans-are-weird-by-an-alien @greenlit-mess @satans-favorit3 @candymeowz @jiminslajibolala @yukihaie @s0ggycerea1 @beelsmeal @ninefuckingoneone
Greed! MC: Mammon.
Mammon: Whadya want, Greedy MC?
Greed! MC: Ugh why did Pride have to put this kind of a naming convention? Just call me MC!
Mammon: Everytime I do that all 7 of you respond at once!
Greed! MC: Well right now it's just me in the room, right!
Mammon: Fine fine whadya want?
Greed! MC: Do you know where Goldie is?
Mammon: ...Whadya want with my GOLDIE?! *reaches his backpocket to check* SHE'S NOT THERE! Ah Frick! Did Lucifer take it again?!!
Greed! MC: *laughs and holds up Goldie* Nope she is right here.
Mammon: WHY YOU- MC I never knew you had a sly side to you!? Give her back! She's mine!
Greed! MC: Ah, atleast learn to protect her better if you want to call her yours. *puts it in his jacket*
Mammon: How did you sneak it out of my pocket?! Are you secretly a pick pocket?
Greed! MC: Nah I can't do all that. I only waited for the right time, when you went to shower and sneaked it out then. I also placed a dummy card that would look and feel like Goldie and eventually disappear after a few hours.
Mammon: You strategize stealing stuff with that much attention to detail??!
Greed! MC: Yes because I'd prefer not to be caught due to half assed efforts hehe. Good to know my tricks are good enough to fool the Avatar of Greed himself.
Mammon: Hah? Well you are sorely mistaken if you think I'm the last boss! Try stealing from Lucifer then we'll see!
Greed! MC: *holding Lucifer's jewelled peacock feather pen* This is Lucifer's right?
Mammon: That's Diavolo's first gift to Lucifer ever!! HOW DID YOU FIND THAT?! You can't possibly be thinking of selling THAT?!
Greed! MC: Of course not. I keep stuff for a few days, use them a little and then return it. There's no thrill in selling - but there's thrill in returning it and getting a reward for it. *Winks*
Mammon: And they call me scummy! You're like a professional con-artist!
Greed! MC: Oh please I only used to steal pretty stationery as a kid. Never money. My parents gave me the best they could - but pretty things weren't always affordable.
Mammon: Oi MC...
Greed! MC: So occasionally I'd take something I fancied too much. The rich kids never even noticed it was gone. So I didn't bother returning.
Mammon: There's no need to steal anymore, okay? If you want something that bad - just tell me. I might not be as loaded as Lucifer but I can definitely buy you some stuff. So just tell me instead.
Greed! MC: *blushes and smiles*
Mammon: *blushes harder* Oi whats with that face?!
Greed! MC: Nothing. You really are the Great Mammon. That's all. Tell me if you want anything in return.
Mammon: ...well there's one thing.
Greed! MC: Sure ask away.
Mammon: Teach me all those thieving strategies of yours.
Greed! MC: Alright deal! Say goodbye to your days of hanging from the ceiling. *Shakes hands*
Levi: There's two of them. I repeat, there's two of them.
Envy! MC: Everyone hide your things, hide whatever is valuable, HIDE EVERYTHING.
Levi: And be super vigilant! At all times!
Satan: You are carrying out this ridiculous drill because you overheard the two of them talking?
Wrath! MC: Even though it fits with their nature, we can't just villify people before they've done anything?
Levi: They have Lucifer's favourite pen.
Asmo: The pretty peacock one he rarely uses??!
Lust! MC: Yes that one. Exactly that one! It's so pretty looking!
Wrath! MC: Oh dear lord, we haven't stolen in so long - why does Greed still have the skills?!
Belphie: The last thing we needed was a smart version of Mammon.
Beel: I need a personal fridge which I can lock.
Lucifer: *in his study* Something bad is brewing. I can feel a sense of dread in the winds.
Pride! MC: Yes indeed it feels like the calm before the storm. Wonder what's going on.
#obey me#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me satan#obey me levi#obey me beel#obey me belphie#obey me crack#obey me funny#obey me fluff
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