#i can’t carry this anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

romantasyreader28 · 8 days

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My collage, pls don’t steal❤️

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sp00kysk3lly · 3 months

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My only memory from childhood (with friends) that I remember.

I was at a birthday party of a (so-called friend) I can’t remember exactly whose party it was, I have suspicions but I can’t name the exact person.

We were playing a “game” an illogical game, of cutting a hard bar of chocolate with a PLASTIC knife and fork (I know, illogical, especially for a 8-9 year old).

I was the one cutting the chocolate. I tried. I really did. But it’s ridiculous! I was told to “hurry up” repeatedly by the other “friends”, I truly felt in that moment, that I wasn’t meant to be invited. That I was the person their parents told them to invite for “class inclusivity”, which was bullshit.

When I was being told to hurry up repeatedly, I felt tears in my eyes and this feeling in my heart. I couldn’t remember the exact feeling. But I felt I wasn’t suppose to be there.

After that, I don’t remember another party. I don’t remember going. Either I wasn’t invited or I refused to attend. I just can’t seem to remember a time before that or after.

That was the first time, I felt that I felt unwanted and alone. So I don’t think that being either uninvited or refusing to go, was such a big deal.

That’s the only time I remember. It’s stuck in my head. It’s horrible. I remember other bad moments in my life, but that’s the one that’s stuck out to me.

What does it mean? What can it mean? I was clearly unwanted and didn’t exist in these peoples lives.

I was tormented for a deformity that I wished every day I didn’t have. Bat Ear. Look it up if you don’t know what it is.

These people believed tormenting me by calling me “dolphin ears” and flicking their Right ears at me (my deformity was on my right ear) going past me was fun.

I’m angry. I’m hateful. They made me who I am today. It’s their fault.

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tv1xx · 2 months

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ican’t help myself.

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pitchswift · 1 year

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something something something about baz feeling so othered in his life due to both his vampirism and sexuality and how he struggled to connect to people not only because he’s afraid for his life or judgment but also because he doesnt know how to relate to life itself since it’s something so divorced from his reality he can only long and wish and how everything about him is just wishing and hoping and grieving since he was a kid up until he finally connected with simon

#would also like to say something about how he doesn’t know how to be truly honest about his feelings since he always think of them as a #very passing thing #saddening #carry on #baz pitch #txt #simon snow #snowbaz #wayward son #awtwb #😞#listen he is my baby i talk about him quite often in my head #i was rereading the first book while listening to evermore by tay and #when i hit this part tay sang if I can’t relate to you anymore then who am i related to #which is fitting

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clownjacket · 1 month

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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.

#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream #Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name #Brennan literally rolled #and we know she was in Porter’s office #so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it #Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene #Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM #Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP #know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple #Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive #knew her name #Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore #But #Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her #domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain #And idk #A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex #who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life #One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids #and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death #that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it #especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back #especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter #Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna #Please world let me have this I’m on my knees #dimension 20

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luminarai · 7 days

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You know when you read a piece of fiction - book, short story, fanfic, what have you - and there’s just one tiny detail that just takes you completely out of the story?

I just read a passage in a piece of original fiction where the main character hugs a friend and tells us she smells like the ‘delicate rose and jasmine of her familiar Chanel No 5’ and my brain just screeched to a halt. Tell me you googled ‘famous fancy perfume’ and picked the first two scent notes you saw without telling me. Many things can be said about that particular fragrance I don’t think anybody with a working nose would describe it as ‘delicate florals’.

#cecil blogs her life #btw it wasn’t in English and I’m not gonna call them out anymore than necessary six #also!! I know I dnf but I glanced through the rest of it and this character seems to be a bog standard ‘supportive friend’ character #who’s also described as being a kind of carefree gentle spirit. who wears cn5???#im sure that there are young women who still wear cn5 but it’s really not common and w that personality?? she should be the main character #certain fragrances carry specific cultural and social codes and connotations #cn5 is a classic ‘rich old woman’ scent. a lot of people associate it with older female relatives wearing it at special occasions #you can’t just name drop it on a cottagecore girlie and run that’s not how fiction works #added: plus scents are such strong and often under-utilised descriptors! everybody knows that feeling where you smell smth and suddenly #you’re transported somewhere else in your memory #telling us that her perfume smelled like delicate roses etc is nice - actually namedropping such a famous fragrance (that is also #incongruent with the description you just gave) is bonkers to me

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hyunpic · 1 year

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#hyunjin #skz #insta #when i peacefully walk down the stairs and trip on the hattifattener laying on them #broke my ankle and suddenly can’t get up anymore looks like he needs to carry me now

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gregmarriage · 7 days

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really need a distraction, but i can’t focus on anything, and i’m just sat here, wondering what the fuck i’m supposed to do, how the fuck i’m supposed to get through the day, how i’m supposed to get through the rest of my life

#is there even any point asking for distractions?#bc it seems like i just get ignored even when i’m at my lowest #like i’ve literally begged before and no one cares #like way to make a girl feel special #like in general too no one gives a shit and i’m fighting for tiny scraps of attention or it’s negative attention #tho honestly i’d take negative attention #there’s nothing worse you could say to me #do i sound like a cunt?#if i do i don’t care #i don’t have the energy to be polite anymore #i’m actively going insane here #i feel so fucking claustrophobic and like the walls are closing in #i’m so fucked and i don’t know what the fuck to do #i can’t fucking escape #from my thoughts or my problems and i don’t know how to deal with them #i’m just trapped and there’s no way out #but honestly there’s also nothing anybody could say to change anything #you aren’t magically gonna make me better #so what’s the point?#so go ahead carry on ignoring me #just don’t fucking bother #and if you’ve ever wanted to get close to me this is the biggest sign you shouldn’t #bc there’s no point getting close to someone who might not be around much longer anyways #and i’ll also treat you like shit and be a shit friend either way #so yeah don’t bother #you can ignore this post and you can ignore me

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palms-upturned · 25 days

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#meg talks #feeling really down and frustrated #ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly #it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems #to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain #but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out #before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books #and keep up w friends all while working full time #like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations #now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off #im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections #but i feel so slow abt everything i do #it’s driving me up the wall #ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long #and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts #and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore #and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it #bc of this fuckass job #idk im just tired and upset

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threefuckencrowsinatrenchcoat · 7 months

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So are any of you bumfucks on this godforsaken app gonna talk about how Brazil (Declan McKenna) was written By and For Ronan Lynch or am I gonna have to do it myself let’s do this bitches

Fair warning I’m sorta really bad at analysis according to every English teacher I’ve ever had so this is a lot of me freaking out but I think it turned out ok (this took half a year)

Starting off strong with Cars and Animals (Ronan’s favourite) !! Anyway the vibe I’m getting from this is like. The barns and then the He’s got eyes talks like an angel looks like me part is about the like. Greywaren vs Ronan Lynch dream vs human stuff we see in Greywaren (not super spoilery but it kinda doesn’t make sense unless u read the book lmao)

I could write a whole second post as long as this one just about this line but let me unpack this because ohhh my god. First up the use of religion is so perfect for mister Lynch over here and then. IM THE FACE OF GOD IM MY FATHERS SON IS INSANE FOR HIM IM GOING SO FERAL OVER THIS HE LITERALLY IS GOD AND HES HIS FATHERS SON (“and Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” and also The Scene in TRK where Adam goes into Ronan’s room and thinks Niall is sitting on the bed) THIS IS CANON

He’s Not what u think u see he looks so mean but he just wants his little farm and for his husband to get into heaven when he dies (he’s worried about his agnostic tendencies) jk but this is 100% ab stereotypes and how Ronan doesn’t rly fit into what anyone thinks he is (the whole thing about Adam wanting to be unknowable and realizing Ronan Is Unknowable [poetry chefs kiss])

Can’t eat leather is so self explanatory. The bracelets are RIGHT THERE you can’t fool me Mr mckenna

I’m done. I’m done. I don’t even need to keep explaining this it’s RIGHT THERE AGH

And onto the ecoterrorism

I’m kidding (not really) bc this part always makes me think of literally the Entire Plot of TDT when Ronan is going around destroying capitalism to save dreamers. This IS the servers scene and the underwater pipeline and the Mirrors lady and also the way all of TDT is about self discovery and learning who you are and how to deal with that in a society made to destroy you and how isolating and sad that is (it gets him down 😞) and I can KEEP GOING

And just the way the song is so melancholy and also happy at once hits me so hard cause it feels like what the Barns does when you read the book like it SOUNDS like something Aurora would sing to kid Ronan it’s so homey and sweet but also sad and perfect

And obviously I don’t go through the whole song here but I feel that I’ve made my case sufficiently enough thanks for reading this far I love u mwah

#this has been in my drafts for over 6 months #it’s finally here #I don’t even really listen to this song anymore but it hit just the same when I was listening to it to finish this post #also just fyi you can’t disagree with me. I am right and I will die knowing that #I’m going to reread the series now I miss my Boy #also insert joke about Declan Mckenna and Declan Lynch ok I’m done #this is a little late for his birthday but it’s close enough #HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ONE AND ONLY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #Carried my life from ages 12-15 and will do so forever #this is so niche I genuinely have lost it #I miss them #ronan lynch #ronan trc #adam parrish #adam and ronan #richard gansey #gansey #richard campbell gansey iii #blue sargent #declan lynch #matthew lynch #the lynch brothers #the raven cycle #the dreamer trilogy #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #declan mckenna #Brazil Declan mckenna

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romantasyreader28 · 1 month

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“Mama said, gonna be alright/ But mama don’t know what it’s like in my mind/ Mama said that the sun gon’ shine/ But mama don’t know what it’s like to wanna die” I Can’t Carry This Anymore - Anson Seabra

#music #song #anson seabra #i can’t carry this anymore #sad songs

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sp00kysk3lly · 1 year

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Maybe I shouldn’t be here anymore. I haven’t got a chance in hell in this life.

I have no REAL friends.

I’ll never have a REAL relationship.

I have no family that I can actually TRUST. I don’t even LOVE them, like you’re suppose to love your family.

What’s this life even given to me? Apart from trauma, constant illnesses that have destroyed every part of me.

This life has given me nothing but misery. I don’t even think I’ve ever been happy. Not even when I was younger. I learnt how to pretend a long time ago.

Everything has just been taken away from me, stolen from me. My childhood, my teenage years and now my adult life. Every single thing I’ve tried to hold on too, has been ripped from my hands and thrown away.

What am I suppose to do when I don’t see a future? It’s pitch black, there’s nothing there. This world has made me a bitter human being. It’s made me hated by everyone.

I’m tired of fighting all the time. I just wanted a normal happy life. Why am I not even allowed that? Why is everything stolen from me?

I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve a good normal life. I deserve everything I get.

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steffigraf · 6 months

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sidenote im really trying to make the most of my last few weeks of tennistv subscription before i cancel it and im lowkey in mourning bc like. i literally got into tennis bc i subscribed to this thing on a whim one october day just for funsies. i will miss youuuuu

#im being dramatic i know #but yeah im subscribing instead to a local app that also carries all atp matches #but for waaaaaay less money lmao #bc tennistv is honestly rly rly expensive for me and i can’t justify keeping it when there’s a cheaper alternative #but that means i won’t have access to past matches anymore so rip i guess i’ll just subscribe per month if ever i wanna watch anything old #tennisms

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asterdeer · 8 days

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1 sentence horror story: “‘I like hand sewing better than machine sewing,’ the quilter with chronically shaky hands and hypermobile fingers realized”

#janet from tgp voice Kill Me Kill Me Kill Me #working on a qayg thing for my bed and it’s so cute it’s just so cute guys. but I have a queen bed. I need 478 squares.#roughly maybe it’s more like 458 I can’t remember the point is I need a lot #but it’s going to be so cute ugh………..#the top of it is in all green patterns and ive bought some fabric for this but most of it is stash/leftover scraps #the back was going to be all black in this one wild grass/flower pattern but I didn’t get enough #and joann doesn’t carry it anymore #so I got a couple other black patterns but also some dino fabric with a dark background #and a really pretty old book pattern so the back is going to be various black low volume patterns + Stuff I Like #it’s going to be so cool!! one day!!! maybe a few years!!!!!#hopefully my hands Survive #quilting tag #aster chat

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ariesvibe · 13 days

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#ya Allah please help me #you don’t burden a soul more than it can bear #i can’t carry it anymore #there’s no one to help me except you #i have no one to look forward to #i have no one to rely on #I’m not complaining #you gave me this life and its all in your hands #its in your hands to make me suffer or make me prosper #make me happy or sad #make me laugh or cry #make me live or take my life #i submit to your will

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stillagoodwitch · 1 month

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why are nick and jess the only couple in the entire world like they make me sooooo insane

#WHAT OTHER COUPLE HAD THEIR KISS TO GREEN LIGHT BY LORDE IN THAT!!! SCENE IN THEIR SECOND CHANCE AFTER YEARS AND YEARS OF GROWING TOGEYHER #AND AS INDIVIDUALS #BUT SO MUCH SO THAT THEY CANT EVEN BE INDIVIDUALS ANYMORE IT FORSNT WORK #LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAA #ME WHEN #i can’t believe i carried over my new girl posting to tumblr

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